#so im gonna carry all these things inside me that i know arent possible back home

[seefasters]

its soooooo insane that beejhawk were like "i'll think of you every time someone [does a thing you both KNOW will never happen again in your lives]" and we were supposed to be just fine with that

[brelione]

Just Me? (Kelce,Rafe,TopperXReader)

Warnings:Not proof read,mentions of eating disorders,not proof read,hehehehehe yall arent ready <3

The Best Boys   Marvel Movies   Action Figures     Bird

You couldnt stop thinking about what had happened with Rafe.You had tried everything to get it off your mind.You tried going for a swim,wrapping your banadage over with plastic wrap like Kelce had told you but that just made you think of how much more fun it would be to play volleyball in the pool with the boys.

You tried watching tv,doing the dishes and baking but you had baked brownies.Who’s favorite food in the whole world is brownies?Rafe.Rafe fucking loves brownies.You couldnt even understand why Rafe would kiss you.He had literally seen you with tears in your eyes and vomit all over your face.That’s gross.You sat in your kitchen for a while,walking in circles on top of the kitchen table,debating on whether or not to call Kelce.

You couldnt talk to Rafe about it,that was just both awkward and ridiculous.Kelce would probably insist on inviting Rafe over to have a group discussion about the importance of communication and understanding.That left Topper.You huffed,deciding to get off your table and grab a diet coke from the fridge before calling him.

“Did your cut reopen?”He asked anxiously,not even bothering to say hello.He held the football that was previously being thrown back and forth to his chest,holding up a finger to Kelce as he listened to you. “An emotional one.Can you come over?”You asked,tapping your fingers against your marble countertop.

He frowned,looking at the dull sky through his dark sunglasses,letting out a small sigh. “Yeah,sure.So whats going on?Is it the type of emotional reopen that you need McDonalds and coffee or is it a tissue and Criminal Minds situation?”He asked,guessing it was probably the second one.

 “Neither.Are you alone?”You asked,intriguing him. “You want me to come over?Like just me?”He asked. “Are-are you with the others?”You asked,waiting anxiously for his answer.He stared back at a confused Kelce,humming. “Im with Kelce.Would you be okay if I brought him?”He asked you quietly.

 “No-do not bring Kelce.I dont know,just tell him that you have to clean your fishtank or that your uncle died or something.”You exclaimed quickly,not wanting to hurt Kelce’s feelings.Topper’s jaw dropped. “Dont fucking manifest my uncle dyint-just give me twenty minutes,alright?”He asked.You smacked yourself in the face with your palm,groaning. “Yeah,okay.”You answered,hanging up.

You spent those twenty minutes pacing around your house,jogging up and down your stairs until you were painting,tug at your shirt to cool yourself off.You got annoyed with the material,ripping it off your head and throwing it. 

“FUCK!”You shouted for no reason in particular.Everything was beginning to stress you out,walking down the stairs and fighting the urge to scream as the moment ran through your head once more.You always knew Rafe would drive you crazy.Your door opened,Topper standing there with a frozen coffee topped with whipped cream.

He looked over to you,surprised that you werent laying on your couch as usual.He glanced down at your chest for a split second before staring down at the floor,feeling guilty.He held out the coffee to you,eyebrows furrowing when you placed it on the table opposed to eating the whipped cream off. “What’s going on?”He asked,reaching out to grab your shoulders and make you look at him.

 “Im sorry,im really fucking stressed and I have a stomach ache and im going insane and you’re the only person I cant think to talk too.Did you tell Kelce you were comeing here?”You asked.He grabbed your wrist gently,pulling you onto the couch and looking at you with concern evident on his face.

 “I told Kelce that I left my oven on so I had to leave.Rafe is out on the boat with Sarah,Ward,Rose and Wheezie for the day.Can you tell me what’s going on?”He asked,dragging the coffee across the table so it was in front of you.You sighed,bringing your knee to your chest and wrapping your arms around it.

 “I just-god,shitting fuck.”You cursed,getting quiet as you pinched the bridge of your nose.Topper was getting more and more worried as the seconds passed,reaching out a hand to rub your thigh in attempts to comfort you.

He let out a small gasp when you gripped his wrist tightly,shaking it back and forth with slight aggression. “Literally dont tell anyone what im about to tell you,got it?Not Rafe,not Kelce,not Nemo,not your mom,not your uncle not anyone.Do you understand?”You asked,trying your best not to sound completely insane but not succeeding at all.

He nodded quickly,anticipating building up within him. “Yeah,I totally wont.I promise.Now tell me what the fuck is happening!”He exclaimed. “Rafe kissed me.”You answered,feeling your hands shake a little as Topper went silent.He didnt know what to think.He was mroe mad at Rafe than anything.They had all agreed to just stay friends with you and not to fuck anything up.

He felt jealous that he wasn't the one to kiss you but also felt more worried about how you felt about the whole situation.Clearly you didn't feel great about it otherwise he wouldn't be sitting on your couch.He was shocked that you had chose to talk to him over Kelce.You had always picked Kelce to speak to about your emotional problems.That only made Topper think more.

Why wouldn't you want Kelce to know? “God,topper.Can you please say something?You’re stressing me the fuck out.”You huffed.He licked his lips upon realizing that his jaw had dropped. “So he just kissed you?Like,it just happened?”He asked.You nodded,looking over to the coffee and the foamy white mess that had once been a beautiful swirly mountain.

 “So...how do you feel about it?Do you like him like that?”Topper asked,trying to keep himself from freaking out.You bit your tongue,looking over to your tv and deciding that this whole house was too awkward and too quiet.You reached for the remote,putting on some cartoons. “I don't even know.I don't know what to think or how to feel and I havent talked to Rafe since then and now I feel like shit.What do I even do?i cant call him or anything cause I have nothing to say.”You thought out loud,kind of wishing that Kelce was here to go through all of the possibilities to help you figure out your best option.

But he wasn't. “Thats okay.You don't really need to know right this second but if you want to keep things from getting awkward then-well,hear me out.I think its a good idea for you to talk to Rafe about this or just talk to Rafe.Right now things are awkward because you’re not talking to him.Just think about it,you’re avoiding each other which makes you both too uncomfortable to start a conversation which will make things worse.”He explained as if he had been through this type of thing before.

You bit the inside of your cheek,forcing your eyes to look at the tv where a rerun of The Loud House was playing. “You really think its a good idea for me to talk to him?”You asked.You saw him nod from the corner of your eye,hearing your stomach rumble right after. “Yeah,I do.You should call him and ask him to hang out or something.I can invite Kelce over too so its not awkward and you two can either talk about it or not.Just being around him in that setting will probably make you less nervous.”He handed you the frozen coffee and a straw,wanting you to drink it.

 “How stressed have you been?”He asked,relieved when you took a sip of the coffee.You pulled away from the straw,sighing. “Why?Do I seem overly stressed?”You asked,trying to figure out how he could tell you were anxious.On top of being friends with you for over five years he also watched Criminal Minds.He probably knew shit about your anxiousness.

He shrugged,looking around to see where you had thrown your shirt. “Your house smells like brownies.You used to bake so you’d feel closer to food and you stress bake sometimes.When was the last time you ate?”He asked,making your eyes widen and your heart thump.Shit.You hadnt eaten since the last time you saw Rafe,three days ago. 

“Yeah,its been a while,hasn't it?”He asked,knowing that he had caught you. “Did you do this on purpose?”He asked,tracing figure eights on your kneecap. “No,i've just been really stressed.”You answered.He nodded,telling you to drink your coffee while he went to make you something.You sat on the couch,stirring the coffee and thinking again.The thought of him kissing you invaded your mind as you thought back to everything that had led up to it.

You had wrapped your legs around his waist but that wasnt something uncommon for you to do.You’d wrap your legs around him and your arms around his shoulders and make him carry you around like a toddler.Something told you it was just the way the situation was,he was really close to you and no one else was around so why the fuck not?That was probably all it was but your brain kept going back to the way your stomach felt and the way your heart sped up.

It was something that you hadnt felt before and your brain was probably just trying to recreate the feeling by forcing you to think about it for 72 hours straight.Yeah,that made perfect sense.Your phone dinged,causing your heart to drop into your ass.Fuck.You picked it up,not daring to look at the screen as you built up the courage to look at it.

Three….two...one.You looked at the screen,eyes widening when you saw who it was.It was your uncle,one that you hadnt spoken too since your fourteenth birthday.That was the first red flag before you even read the message. “Your mother’s with me.She’s not coming back.”Was all it said.He was in Italy which meant that your mother was too.She had no reason to be in Italy.This had to be some sort of sick joke.Maybe your Uncle’s wife had took his phone and texted that to you just to get you on edge.

Deep down you knew that it wasnt true,that you mother really wasnt coming back.Your eyes began to water,a few tears rolling down your cheeks.What the fuck were you gonna do?There was no knowing if she would pay the bills from Italy or if you would lose your house and everything you owned because of her.You let out a muffled sob,covering your mouth with your hand.Topper heard,running out of the kitchen.

 “Hey,whats wrong?Is it about Rafe?”He asked,kneeling in front of you and grabbing you a paper towel to blow your nose.You shook your head,watching as he picked up your phone and read the message across the screen. “Its gonna be okay,I promise,okay?”He began to rub your back,wishing the Rafe or Kelce was here since he wasnt the best at comforting you.Rafe was best at cuddling and Kelce was best at talking and Topper preferred to just be emotional support. “No-no she’s not coming back and im gonna lose the house and im fucked!”You sobbed,his arms wrapping tight around you. “No,no you’re not.We’ll figure it out.”He answered,making the decision to call Rafe and Kelce to come and help with the situation.

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[getallemeralds]

explorers of arvus: heading back / 3.11.21

zoom and enhonse

LAST TIME ON ARVUS taure passed out and we are now down a healer! also we met a disciple of halvkar, and surprisingly did not murder her. this is fine. we have instantly gotten distracted by our various carts. cats. our various cats

DID ANY OF US CATCH TAURE, SHE FELL OVER sieron tried to catch her and smacked charlie+thorne in the face (he rolled a nat1, f) BUT the catboy is to the rescue bc silje is the designated Not Incompetent of the group today

CONSULT THE CHILD hewwo yrel yrel: her mind is being consumed by the serpent of nightmares. :D charlie: HELLO?????//

so, dendar(?) the night serpent is imprisoned beneath arvus! she was formed from the nightmares of the first sentient being, and sometimes she eats people's nightmares. if she's exceptionally hungry, she'll force nightmares onto people for her to feed off their fear. yrel thinks taure will Probably wake up. there's a thing on arvus mentioned by the locals called a "sleeping sickness" where people will fall asleep for a few days, sometimes longer, but will wake up. its magical in cause, the people afflicted by it have horrific nightmares, and its just kinda. a thing. wowza

(i have gone back to spelling yrel's name as yrel bc i think it looks nice)

OH HEY SOMEONE POSTED A THEORY ON ONE OF MY STICKMOLUS ANIMATIONS man i should get back to stickmolus sometime. once dsmp releases its awful grip on me.

i keep getting distracted by seeing myself in the camera preview. i have a tooth gap! what the fuck its cute?? K I KNOW WE'RE SUPER BLURRY IN FRONT RN BUT PLEASE HELP ME STAY FOCUSED I SWEAR -leo

we're gonna build a sled! to put taure on. thorne: i have a good strength score. ....i say, out loud charlie: i am four feet tall. [cue argument between thorne & sieron about them both being horcs but sieron has a +0 bc strength is his dump stat] OH, OKAY, THORNE ROLLED A NAT20 TO CARRY TAURE. NICE

[discussion about what to tell everyone at camp vengenace] thorne: the last thing we need to do is a witch hunt charlie: --and we already hunted the witch! the witch has been hunted.

time to discuss strategy! we need to figure out how to head back to camp vengeance, eg if we want to follow the path we already took or if we wanna do some trailblazing. looks like we're gonna try and take the most direct path! which means we'll prolly risk tangoing with some undead but im willing to risk it TINY HUT STAIRCASE sorry i just remember it now and then

nyx: [meowing at his cats] thorne: uh... why is silje meowing? jorb: silje's food bowl is empty jorb: you look at silje's food bowl and there's a divot in the middle and the food is all on the sides emotionally, we must bully the catboy silje saw something interesting and started meowing

thorne: ill take first watch silje: ill also take first watch. charlie: [quietly] gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy (but, like, extended for 15 seconds)

silje: [takes watch] [rolls a nat1 and gets distracted by looking at his crush]

THORNE HAS LOCATED A DOG the dog does not give a shit about the tiny hut. THE DOG HAS PEED ON THE TINY HUT goodbye dog

EVERYONE IS ROLLING AT LEAST 1 NAT1 thorne: wow! that sure is a dog. thorne has drawn the worst possible dog. thorne has erased the worst possible dog. we dont speak of the worst possible dog its the dog version of honse. DONSE

sieron is now on watch! MAN we are havin trouble rolling today. at least kali's here to make sure sieron doesnt stare at a rock for 50000 years sieron sees a mouse! bottom text

charlie is now on watch! kali is havin a big ol thonk. nothing meaningful has come of this

i am perceiving some deer. sieron is not perceiving some deer. silje is perceiving some deer, but better the deer are fucked up and undead! silje has gone from "we should hunt these deer for food" to "we should hunt these deer for sport"

charlie: i do not feel like being jumped by five thousand skeletons

charlie takes first watch with sieron! WHY ARE OUR ROLLS SO TERRIBLE taure is super cursed right now. that's not very pog charlie: this place sucks. thorne: to be fair, we havent-- charlie: YOU'RE ASLEEP, SHUT UP

oh hey coolname galvanic finally partied. nice.

thorne is at watch! solar: hey, is leomund's tiny hut an orb? there's a critter digging around! AH, THE CRITTER IS UNDEAD. this could be a problem

solar: hey michael, how much does the horrific sin against god dog i drew look like this creature michael: [dice roll noises] about 50%.

michael: if anyone likes, they can make a nature check-- solar: ME MEMEMEMEME ME ME ME

its a bulette! aka a land shark. problem: they are not normally undead. this one is undead.

jorb: imagine if you could tame one of those and use it as a mount. leo: IT WOULD JUST DIG UNDERGROUND AND LEAVE YOU THERE

we are just calling it a weird dog

we're going to mail a letter to the heart of arvus. HEY, CHECK OUT THIS WEIRD DOG,

JORB FOUND ART OF A BABY BULETTE. WEIRD PUPPY!

solar: hey guys, check out this sick art of a bulette i found

silje kept a lookout for the weird dog but its just fucked off. goodbye, weird dog give it up for day 3!

man there's been like, three incinerations today in blaseball. what's up with that. I SWEAR IM MOSTLY PAYING ATTENTION its just been an eventful day in blaseball. also im wearing my garages bomber rn. jaylen is home wooOOOO the wind smells stinky. this is fine.

we're actively avoiding whatever combat michael keeps nudging at us bc we're carrying around an unconscious person and i SWEAR hes gonna throw something directly at us once he's done with our shenanigans

UHH MICHAEL ASKING FOR PASSIVE PERCEPTION LOL

huh. this place used to be inhabited? we're in the woods rn but there's some like, stone ruins? like, VERY ruins. like, not really any structures standing, but enough evidence to show there Were things. WE FOUND A STATUE charlie: i want to smash my face against the lore.

used to be a circle of standing stones, but most of em fell over or got overgrown. inside of the circle has been cleared, although v roughly-- ground's torn up statue is of fjolnir! warrior holding up a spear and shield. AH, THERE ARE CORPSES, a human got REAL fucked up here. one of the corpses is straight up impaled on fjolnir's spear. n ... not pog.

i am trying so, so hard to pay attention. but i also kinda wanna take a nap.

charlie: [stares at statue] [rolls a 4] i wonder if he had a dick.

okay so something rolled in, tore up the overgrowth inside the circle, and murdered a couple dudes. and was also super tall and human-adjacent. hrm.

oh my god why are we rolling so shit today. time to stealth away and hope we dont get casually dismembered

k: jorb's hair is so long... leo: K, PLEASE,

time for a break! i am very tired but im gonan see if i can push through a little further. nyx is petting his cat why do orangatangs look like that

first watch is thorne and sieron! have they even, like, talked thorne unhabby ): thorne's worried we were tresspassing when checking out the statue, meanwhile im thinking about that one time when sieron got bit by a groundhog

(oh my god this is from late 2018)

leomund's tiny hut, aka the anti-sea bear circle we are getting SO much mileage out of the tiny hut. SILJE HUMS A SONG WITH KALI cute........... FINALLY I HAVE ROLLED ABOVE A 14 wait no i rolled a 16 twice. anyway we are not dead

nearly at camp vengenace! boy howdy i hope camp vengeance didnt get burned down. AH FUCK TAURE IS UNCONSCIOUS SO WE CANT CAST FOR DETECT POISON kaepora nearly made us all shit ourselves but its okay he just saw some bison and thought it was cool Michael Is Consulting Several Tables

WHY DOES JORB'S CAMERA ZOOM LIKE THAT why am i hungry. i have so many questions

HEY, TALL GUY [smacks sieron]

camp vengeance looks better! like, nobody's Obviously Sick anymore, the medical tents arent overfilled, we did it! we saved the dayyyyyy time to report to ryder! taure's getting dropped off at the medical tent

man remember when charlie didnt wear pants

oh man, with taure unconscious charlie is now taking point with social interaction. wild. jk im making jorb do it bc im tired HAHA NAT 20 PERSUASION BC OF ME HELPIN SIERON man ryder is such a cock. he was totally ready to keep throwing troops at heaven's brazier to die until we managed to persuade him out of it. jorb: did we tell ryder about the vision? michael: you kinda just took a look at him and went STINKY BOY!

okay yeah anything that dies on arvus will just pop back up as undead. man, arvus sucks.

ryder: alright, dismissed. charlie: seeya, soldier boy! :D hahahahaha im gonna eat his knees.

SILJE NEEDS ENRICHMENT IN HIS ENCLOSURE

charlie: ive decided he sucks. silje: we've already arrived to that, you're late!

LMAO WE WALKED IN ON INGRID AND HER CRUSH they fuckin. nice. you go, you funky lesbian

jorb: we've got the tiny hut, we could go anywhere leo: we could go to SPACE! nyx: we could not go to space. leo: WITH A TINY HUT STAIRCASE, WE CAN,

we are 320 miles away from the spaceship that exists on arvus. nice.

michael: justin sees you-- roll a strength saving throw. leo: i cant wait to die! [rolls a 3] I AM CRUSHED BY MY DOG michael: he rolled a nat20.

BOSS ENCOUNTER: CHARLIE'S DOG (the small circle next to him is one of the medical tents.)

THORNE IS PACT OF THE GUN solar: PARRY THIS, YOU FUCKING CASUAL

sieron, to ingrid: seems like youve been doing well charlie: i punch sieron. sieron: sieron: the camp, of course.

man we have no idea if the heart of arvus is actually related to the prophecy or not. theres a Lot of stuff lining up, but not enough, and its hard to say how much of it couldve been literal?

solar & michael: [discussing exposition] me: [cracking up bc penn sent me a funny dsmp joke]

prophecies are weird.

charlie is just s she is just sitting here SILJE PLAYED CARDS REALLY GOOD AT ME nyx rolled a nat20 and took all my money

oh cool we can talk to yrel telepathically! time to hoist yrel. THIS IS SO SCUFFED thorne mentioned yrel and now we're trying to explain to ingrid that we have a magic talking snake charlie: I WANT TO GO HOME. thorne: we cant go, we have a GOD-KING to kill! "i think theyre insane, theyre talking to a snake" "ingrid, druids exist" "oh. im gonna go back to getting railed by my 7 foot tall girlfriend"

[yggdrasil-mith0s]

Another reason people probably didnt like Symphonia their first time but later loved it is because of the themes and undertones. Here is another essay that's going to be a very quick Symphonia walkthrough as a young child playing.

Here's a warning: I mention some stuff that happens in Symphonia. It will be mostly vague but there will be mention of death. There also might be some spoilers in here but nothing too serious, just some of the beginning story more than likely.

Let me begin by saying the box art looks pretty cool for the Gamecube but the front and back does look like a very, very young child's RPG. It seems like an RPG that was creates for super young children that havent hit there teens or are in the very first years of being a teen.

I'm about to give a quick walkthrough as if I am a very young kid playing Symphonia for the first time. This is to show why a lot of people had this as their first game in the series but didnt like it. Why a lot of people weren't the biggest fans until their second playthrough or when they gave it another chance and realized it is absolutely stunning. A top 10 game of all time across every platform created.

First off, there was a lot of adult themes and tones in Symphonia. Obviously, I dont mean nudity or sexually explicit material. I'm talking about the Desian Camps. The idea that millions of people are being captured, put to work, then put to death or letting them die. These type of adult themes.

The first time we played, we were young. We didnt get choked up or super sentimental about what was going on in video games. We didn't care so much about the parallels between real life and our video games. Usually, we just wanted something fun to play. I mentioned it earlier but the start of Symphonia looks super childish and like it's going to be a lighthearted adventure. You have a cast of kids (2 very young adults that added comedy and badassness). A majority of the beginning fights are snakes, birds, bunnies, and bears. The battle system is fun but also easy enough to get the hang of. You can honestly button mash with the occasional arte and not worry about combos . You didnt have to worry about combos at all, really, and just use artes when you wanted. Some of the artes were pretty cool looking and strong too which added more of a "wow, the combat system is cool. There's attacks and a bunch of power attacks you can use. You can also move around and dont have to wait like a turn base game." It's also possible to just button mash or use all your MP on Artes and really kick their ass.

Combining all of those elements together makes it seem more kid friendly than it really is. Playing through the start makes you feel like a 10 year old playing his first RPG with an age appropriate game since you control a bunch of kids. The fights are easy and usually bees or some weak animal. Nothing serious, really. The artes are cool and the more artes you learn, the cooler and more fun Lloyd gets. It's cool to play as Lloyd when you learn a new arte or two.

So far everything has been pretty lighthearted. This RPG is fun, the characters are pretty cool and can be funny. The dungeons aren't super confusing. It's just a fun game overall but nothing spectacular or crazy. Really the worst thing that has happened is "Desians bad. They destroy hometown over something stupid."

Marble's scene is the only real adult sad part in the game so far. They kill Marble in a way that you kind of don't get crushed by emotions. They let you down pretty easy and you get Marble's ring for Genis so now she is always with you. Her death isn't too bad because she was old and it was just one old woman in the game. It's sad but not devastating. Also the Ranch. They use them as slaves. But tbh it doesn't really hit you that they resemble real world stuff and you dont see the parallels like you should. You just kind of write it off as shitty and Desians are evil and the bad guys. Surely you save everyone from the ranches and that's the point of the game. Kill Desians and save everyone.

You get to the dessert oasis where Colette crashed through the wall. Cute and funny. Oh, Lloyd and Genis get captured by bad Desians but the wanted posters were bad so it made it funny. Eventually, You escaped the bad, bad Desians and are back with your friends, yay!!! You go to the fire shrine, finally see more menacing enemies but they still arent that bad, and start your first puzzle dungeon! It's short but a lot of fun with a boss fight. It was a little tough but fun!! You beat the shrine, yay!!!

The serious Angel (Remiel) comes down again and talks to Colette and the gang. He gives her wings! She is becoming an angel. At this point you are thinking, "How cool. Colette is becoming an angel!!! She has wings now and can probably fly wherever she wanted to go! This game is really fun. It's not bad at all. The weapons and equipment aren't difficult and it's fun buying or finding stuff better than what you have and equipping the new stuff. The skits can be funny too and I get to know the characters better with the skits. This game is really cool, actually." It's time to speed this post up, though. I'll be going faster and doing more short versions/storytelling.

We sail across seas and bow we are at Palmacosta!!! Here's where things get a little weird and stuff too. So Palmacosta is cool. We look through town, only to find imposters. That's right. These fools are pretending to be me and my gang. Im the one with a cool group and shit. People wanna be me so bad!!! Lol.

By the way. General Dorr is also the Mayor of Palmacosta.

Imposters are rude and we meet mayor who seems cool till he tells us he thought the imposters were us and gave them a book we need. So....little me is like

"YOU DID WHAT!?" .... so we leave. Lol

We go to mountain gate, cant pass yet, learn Palmacosta is under attack by ... you guessed it... Desians. ,

*little me has eyes stretch wide open* But I was just there!!!! Sucks, I know.

So we head back and make it to Palmacosta. Remember the girl we saved from extreme questioning and customers that were badgering the girl since she was the store clerk/owner. Of course not. I never mentioned it. I saved her back then at the start of Palmacosta. Naturally they chose Chocolate, in some weird, sick revenge way for me making them look weak when they verbally attacked her. So Chocolate is about to hang and be killed. Some stuff happens and Lloyd ends up using his sword to save Chocolate. Boom. He is a hero. He saved someone from hanging....

Wait.... hanging? In kids game? Damn that's a little intense for a kids game but I guess you do save her. Carry on.....

So let's speak to the Mayor. He was conveniently gone while that was happening but meh. Coincidence right? Yeah. Yeah.

Talking to the General/Mayor we decide to go rescue everyone who has been kidnapped from Palmacosta. By the way there's a ranch for most cities that Desian's manage. So there is a Palmacosta Ranch and a bunch of people from Palmacosta are now held prisoners in the Ranch. Boo! But I digress.

Off to Palmacosta ranch!!! We finally reach it and... oh look... General Dorr"s personal Aide/Assistant. What's this? He is a traitor!? You've got to be kidding me! I trusted that dude!!! Maybe that will teach little me to be careful about who I hang out with. A pretty good life lesson for little me and nothing too serious. I'll handle that later though, and rescue the prisoners in the Palmacosta Ranch.

We save Chocolate but she would almost rather die than be saved by you. So you save her but not without a fight and learning some shocking stuff that little me is like "WHAAAA!!!???!??? NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY!!!!!!!! she still lives cause of you and you fight the leader of the Ranch and win that battle!!!

So yay!!! You won the battle and beat Palmacosta Ranch! Good job little you! You did awesome!!! The game has been really great, with a pretty light tone for the most part. Everything is bright, the enemies arent that bad at all, nothing truly fucked up has ha---"we're going to blow up the Ranch with people still in it" -Raine.

That's right.... "YOU'RE GONNA WHAT!?!?"

So yeah, we blow up Palmacosta Ranch. Desians were probably still inside along with a janitor named Chet that everyone forgot about lol. So bye bye Ranch!!!

"That got dark really fast and Raine is pretty ruthless but most people escaped. I guess I can kind of forgive that. This game is definitely darker than I thought but it could be worse. Most people escaped anyways I am sure. So it's not that bad." -me.

Back to Palmacosta to confront the traitor General Dorr!! Here we are! General Dorr and his daughter are standing suspiciously in the basement of the government building in Palmacosta. I'm sure he knows that he has been found out. I know he tried to sabotage the Chosen's journey. He has no exc--- OH NO! They got his wife with the Demon Seed, too!! Now she is a monster! No wonder he is a traitor. He is trying to get a potion which is the cure to save his wife. I kind of get it but that's pretty messed up. He is basically being held hostage. This game just got a little darker.... but it could be worse, I suppo----WHAT!? HIS DAUGHTER IS A DEMON! DID SHE JUST SAY SHE KILLED HIS DAUGHTER A LONG TIM AGO AND HE WAS TOO STUPID TO NOTICE!?"

She really just called him stupid and is acting like he is the biggest idiot for not knowing she killed his daughter!!! This whole time she has pretended to be his daughter. That means she probably went to her school, played with her friends, talked to her dad and played with him. She probably told him she loved him which is so messed up. She also knew there was no potion but continued to watch him and be ready to kill him if he tried to snitch about his wife. This got dark really fucking fast wtf!!! She is a complete demon stranger in a girls body pretending she loves her daddy, plays with friends, and does child things but is a demon the whole time. "I love you daddy says the demon pretending to be your daughter. That's really sick and twisted. Sad thing is little me is like "well that's weird. How did no one notice at all she was acting odd?

Maybe she didn't have any friends and her dad is to distracted about the medicine for his wife, he doesn't notice.

That's absolutely crazy and completely dark. Woah. This game is way way darker than it lead me to believe when I was young. That was pretty much my first reaction/playthrough when I was little. Symphonia is dark as fuck.

I played a little bit further to the next ranch my first playthrough but quit when I found out they were killing people like it was nothing. I was really little then, too, btw. I quit because it got really dark and kind of weird and complicated to fully grasp everything going on and the parallels to the real world. I always played RPGs relating it to real life and such. I have done that since my first RPG so with Symphonia I had to quit. It was too dark and weird when I first played it.

Once I came back and beat Symphonia I thought it was Brilliant. It was absolutely amazing and worth so much more praise. I loved it and still do. Even the dark side of things.

Turns out I am not the only one who did this. Play through, reach a dark part or part where you realize how dark it is, and then quit. I'm glad I picked it back up, though. It's almost a perfect game!!!

So yeah... here's a playthrough of little me and Symphonia. I was too little to be playing games with dark themes even if they were short or small. I say this because I was stupid small and really let my imagination run wild when I played games and read. I often make things 20 times worse so I really shouldn't have played Symphonia till later.

Anyways it's amazing. Nearly perfect.

Enjoy your games, everyone. If you arent currently doing so, find a Tales game to pick up and start playing!!! Tales of Arise or some other Tales game will be here before you know it so practice up!!! Play a Tales game!!!

[angrylizardjacket]

ask your destiny to dance [2] {Roger Taylor}

[masterpost]

“So what do you think?” Freddie’s eyes are shining when he accosts Ash on her way back from the bathroom. Giving a gentle shove, she weaves through the crowd, picking up various empty glasses scattered about the room while there’s a lull between sets.

“Yeah they go pretty alright.” She concedes, pretending like she didn’t have Doing Alright’s harmony running through her mind. That seemed to sate Freddie well enough, and he followed along behind her, picking up a few glasses here and there before she headed back to the bar.

“Hey, Pocket Rocket,” the way the nickname is said makes Ash’s hair stand up on the back of her neck, and she fixed her best ‘customer service’ smile on her face. Roger’s grinning back at her, almost completely ignoring Freddie, who turned sharply to Ash and mouthed the nickname at her with raised eyebrows. His incredulity, which she catches out of the corner of her eye, still making unwavering eye contact with Roger, makes her sharply professional smile crack as she represses a genuine grin. 

“Yes, Roger? Can I help you?” Voice sweet, she sees Freddie’s eyes widen even further, if it were possible, recognising the poison in her voice from a mile away.

“Me and the boys are about to start our next set, could I grab some beers?” There was nothing innocuous in his words, and he kept his gaze focused on hers, but he’s grinning like it’s a challenge. She doesn’t back down.

“Of course.” She sets about her work, grabbing three bottles from the refrigerator behind the bar, uncapping them, and handing them over. His fingers brush against hers where he’s quick to pick them up, and Ash retracts her hand like his touch burns. “Well, if you need anything else-” Tone chipper, she’s quick to fold her hands behind her back, bouncing quickly on the balls of her feet.

“I know where to find you.” Roger agrees, his gaze lingering just a little too long on the tightness of her smile before turning away.

“You guys are playing really well, tonight.” Freddie adds, and Ash chuckles at his earnestness, the sound fond and sincere where she were artificially bright only moments ago.

“Yeah, thanks mate.” Roger looks over his shoulder, her soft, genuine laughter catching him off guard, but she’d moved to start washing up the glasses she and Freddie had collected. 

As soon as Roger had gone, Freddie rapped his knuckles against the bar top to get her attention, practically bursting with questions. With the band starting up, however, she can barely hear him over the buzz of the music and the crowd, and so she offer to take her break early. Waving off her offer, Freddie seems far more content listening to the music, but she knows that he’d bombard her with questions at the next given opportunity. 

By the time the last set is winding up, Freddie’s had to head home, like Cinderella before the strike of midnight, and a lot of the crowd had dispersed. 

“You boys did such a good job.” Maureen’s voice carries over from where she’s uncapping three bottles of beer for the guitarist. Ash, tries not to eavesdrop, but Maureen’s speaking loud enough so he can hear her across the bar, over the jukebox.

“Yeah, we’ve never really played here before, what made you guys try and find us?” Brian, leaning against the bar, takes a sip of his own beer, letting the other two sit patiently beside him, getting gradually warmer. 

“Ash is the one who asked, actually.” As soon as she hears her name come from Maureen’s mouth, Ash freezes. “Yeah, apparently her little friend is a fan.” And there’s a fond note in her voice that has Ash smiling abashedly.

“He around? Should thank him for getting us a gig.” Brian’s smile is bright as he turns, gaze roving over the crowd, though Ash joins them, grinning faintly.

“I think you’re talking about Freddie; he’s left.” And at the sound of her voice, Brian’s turning back, though Ash’s attention shifts to Maureen. “’Reen, I’m gonna have a smoke, can you manage this lot for ten minutes?” Grinning, she doesn’t even need to cast her gaze around the bar to know that everyone at the bar was too busy fawning over Tim, the singer, to be bothered to order much.

“I think I can manage, my little Pocket Rocket.” Maureen ruffles her hair, stepping out of the way as Ash went to swat at her, making a beeline for the back door.

“Ash, could you do us a favour?” Calling out after her, Brian holds out one of the beers as she turns back with a half smile. “Rog is out by the van, can you take this to him?” After a beat of hesitation, she forced a smile on her face and took the beer, heading much slower towards the back door.

He’s sitting in the open back of his van, leaning against the side door, wearing shorts that exposed way too much of his thigh. He’s got one leg hanging down to the ground while the other was drawn up to him, where he’s propped his hand which held a gently smoking cigarette. His head was leaning back, his eyes closed, and after a beat of watching him, so relaxed, taking a moment in the cool night air, Ash watches him exhale a lung full of smoke, watches the smoke turn rose gold in the glow of the streetlight. There was something pretty, even calming, about the sight, his aura of easy confidence apparent even without his usual posturing.

“This is yours.” Breaking the silence, Ash steps from the back doorway, onto the gravel of the back car park, letting the door swing closed behind herself. He doesn’t start when he hears her, just cracks open his eyes and gives her a once over, eyes zeroing in on the beer. Neither of them move for a long moment, and then he’s turning, grinning at her as he legs hung over the edge of the back of the van, holding out a hand for the drink.

“Thanks, love.” The crunch of the gravel sounds so loud in the silence created by the closed door. Once he has the beer, she’s moving back to the door, pulling one of the crates from the stack by the bins, and sitting on top of it, patting down her pockets. Part of her knows he’s watching, curious, possibly a little amused, watching as she finally pulled out a pack of smokes and lit one, stashing both the remaining smokes and her lighter in her back pocket.

“Where’s Pocket Rocket come from?” Roger’s the one who breaks the silence. Ash looks like she’s trying to melt into the brick wall, head back, shoulders loose, heels resting in the gravel where she’s got her legs straight out in front of her. Smoke drifts from her lips, eyes looking up at the stars, and at first she doesn’t answer him, he thinks perhaps she didn’t hear him, and he opens his mouth, but she speaks over the top of him.

“Me or the nickname?” Unsmiling, she digs her heels further into the gravel, listening to the stones shift against one another. Roger takes a long draft from his cigarette, gaze wandering across the back of the building, along the parking lot that was mostly empty, save for the staff cars.

“Surprise me.” He finally says, and Ash makes a noise in the back of her throat that he can’t identify, though it does sound a little amused, but not necessarily in a good way.

“Why?” She snorts, finally looking at him, smiling sharp and uncooperative.

“Why what?” He asks, frown creasing his brow, and her smile widens.

“Surprise me.” It’s a challenge not an answer, and he knows he met her a few hours ago, but he thinks her grin has turned a little more genuine, a little more playful. Or maybe he’s imagining things. Either way, he finally looks away, goes back to leaning against the inside of the van with one leg up, looking up at the sky.

“I’m just trying to make conversation, aren’t I? We’re probably going to be working together again, after all.” He lets himself smile at her snort of amusement, or perhaps derision, but continues anyways. “Fine; you first, then the nickname.” 

For a long time, Ash is quiet, watching him, trying to discern his intentions, and he waits patiently for her to respond, sipping his beer, flicking his ashes onto the gravel.

“Fife.” After a beat, she sighs, knowing before he even opens his mouth that he has no idea where that is. “Northern Scotland.”

“Hence the accent,” Roger muses, squinting up at the sky.

“Hence the accent.” she agreed, taking a moment to breathe in another lung full of smoke and lean back against the wall of the pub, joining him in his stargazing. “And I’m Pocket Rocket because I am.” It takes a long moment for her words to sink in, Roger flicking his cigarette butt away.

“That’s not an answer.” He scoffs, and Ash makes a hum of agreement, cigarette hanging from her lips as she pulls out her notebook. Her answer was incomprehensible to him as she spoke both through her accent and around the cigarette between her lips. “What?” He actually turned to her, brow furrowed, trying to decipher what she’d actually said. After a beat, and without looking up from her work, she takes the cigarette out and breathes out.

“‘s not like I owe you my origin story.” The way she drew out her annunciations made Roger feel a little bit like a fool, though there was something about her accent that he found charming. “What are you even doing out here? Shouldn’t you be inside with your groupies and whatnot?” Not even letting him get a word in edgewise, she goes back to speaking normally, which he can decipher easily when she’s not mumbling around a dart.

“Can’t a man have a smoke and get ready to load his van in peace?” Roger grinned, standing and stretching. Ash mumbled something else, too quiet for Roger to even hear, though it was accompanied by an eye roll where she was looking at what she was drawing. “Oi, watch it.” He went out on a limb trying to call her out, and when she looked up at him, flush with embarrassment, he at least knew what she’d said hadn’t been exactly polite.

“Watch yourself, drummer boy.” Despite the retort, she was bright red. Her gaze met his and she could see the triumph in his eyes. She could feel it rising within her, that anger from before at his sheer arrogance, even as he stepped out of the shadow of his van, haloed by the streetlight, smiling at her despite the situation, perhaps challenging, though, she thought it looked more playful than anything else.

Breaking the look, she turned away, face still warm with embarrassment having been caught shit talking under her breath. Stubbing out her cigarette, she put away her notebook and pencil, standing and taking a moment to kick the crate back to the stack beside the bin. Roger watches her all the while, his arms folded over his chest, as if analysing her; she doesn’t look back at him. The only sound is the aggressive crunch of gravel beneath her feet as she makes her way back to the back door of the pub, pulling it open to fill the night with the sounds of people talking and laughing, and the jukebox playing. They don’t exchange any more words, and when he comes back inside to start loading the van, she’s nowhere in sight.

“Ash, the band wants to see you!” Maureen calls when Roger leans against the bar, asking about their pay for the night once everything’s been loaded into his truck. All the bands get paid cash in hand, and Dave had left Ash in charge.

“If I have to talk to some long-haired muppet about how I owe him more than what I promised, I’m gonna retire on the spot.” Dave had said to her, looking exhausted at the mere prospect and putting a stack of notes in the till with a rubber band securing them together. “This is how much they get; no more, no less.” He’d been very serious about that part, and Ash took pride in the fact that he’d trusted her after so little time.

The smile she gives Roger is tight as she passes him the money, and he raises his eyebrows at her, finally picking up on her strained professionalism.

“Thanks again for the gig, uh, Pocket Rocket, was it?” He asked, feigning innocence, something inside of him delighting at the way her jaw tightened.

“Sure,” Ash said, working to untense her jaw, “it was lovely having you play.” After a beat, he gave her a nod, his own grin now just amused as he leaves to join the other members of the band where they’re talking to some, what Ash assumed to be, fans.

Roger catches her humming Doing Alright as she wipes down tables a little later in the night, and, for reasons he’s not quite certain of yet, he smiles.

the ususal suspects: @deakydickfanpage @hollyissuchahoe @laueecakee@smittyjaws @crystalshines2909 @i-am-sarah @legendsaresooftenwarnings@2ptonpt @benhardy24-7 @maiilovely @mickey-yr-a-goner @butter-times@heyyouitskay @yepimthatperson

[buy me a coffee?]

[starrysence]

ralbert for the hc. . thinv. g

ok these are kinda all over the place????? like the ones where theyre not dating yet arent necessarily before the ones where they are dating. its just kinda. scattered. oops sorry 

warnings: 100% swearing. if its ralbert you can basically guarantee that theres swearing

●ok so theres this period of time where nobody can tell whether al and race are dating or just doing bro things like they always do

▪probably bc these two have always been so physically affectionate???? there isnt really a noticeable change after they start dating▪until jack and finch see them making out against a wall and decide to just leave them be without making any noise▪but yeah thats 100% how the boys find out▪"you guys didn't know we were dating????"▪"no wtf you've always acted like a couple we just thought it was the typical Bro Behaviour" ▪they all bust out laughing at that one●race LOVES the snow which is 100% ironic bc he gets cold so easily (can you tell im trying to do as many snow hcs as possible)▪albert doesnt like the snow. he doesnt. understand. race. ESPECIALLY because race gets cold so easily▪"baby why dont you just come inside i can just make hot chocolate and we can binge watch hallmark christmas movies a month too early,,,,,,,"▪"nOo Oo al the snow is so pretty"▪"youre prettier"▪"nice try but im not coming in"▪"aw damn"●has race stolen albert's sweaters during the winter??????? Absolutely ▪has albert cared??? of course not. look at his boy. he looks fucking adorable. he cant take that sweater away from race even tho hes already stolen half the sweaters in al's closet▪one time race was half-asleep on the couch when al got home late from a graphic design workshop and he was in one of albert's sweaters▪al thought it was tje cutest thing hes ever seen▪he didnt want race falling asleep on the couch tho so he Scooped him up and put him down on their bed▪"youre so sweet albie,,,,,,,,, i love you"▪thats the first time either one of them has said i love you since they started dating?????? albert is Shook bc it feels so different now▪"love you too, racer"●these two 100% went through a taylor swift phase together and You Can't Change My Mind▪it includes the ones a lot of people know like shake it off, blank space, etc. but also so many other ones▪they have a whole ass taylor swift playlist but they never really delete it after they get past their phase???▪so al absolutely brings it back when race is going through a breakup▪so here they are. two teenage boys, singing/yelling along to taylor swift songs. ft. like 6 tubs of mint choco chip ice cream and 8 boxes of tissues▪race feels so much better afterwards????▪gives albo a lil kiss on the cheek ▪"thank you, albie"▪albert dasilva? blushing????? pshhhh. nahhh (read: absolutely 100%)●yall Best Believe race can bake like nobody's business and albert Lives For It bc he can barely bake a batch of cookies▪however, the only food race can cook w/o nearly burning something down is italian food▪so usually albert cooks▪but baking???? yall this boy CAN BAKE▪thats actually the reason albert starts falling in love w/ him LMAO ARE U REALLY SURPRISED▪literally theyre like 13 or 14 right? and race has baked a batch of brownies and albert is in HEAVEN when he tries one▪"i think im in love"▪"hahaha with me or the brownies?"▪".....the, uh,,,,, the brownies, duh"▪lol no its race AND the brownies but he doesnt totally know that yet●if youve read my more recent fics u might remember race's sisters▪if noT, he has 4 sisters ok. two older, two younger. he is the middle child. What A Life▪siblings from oldest to youngest: veronica, ilia, race, rosetta, elsie▪albert and race have been best friends since childhood so albert and race's sisters know each other really well. theyre all Pals▪literally???? race's sisters Love Him▪when they find out race likes albert they do not let it go. for a second. race is Actually terrified theyll expose him in fromt of albert one day▪best believe they go WILD when they find out race and al are finally dating ▪the first time albert comes over after theyre dating all 4 of race's sisters TACKLE HIM▪"HELLOOOO FUTURE BROTHER-IN-LAW"▪albert is so absolutely stunned afterwards and race is crying w/ laughter●these two swear. so much. its really funny yall▪once jack dared them to go a whole week without swearing and they didnt realise how hard it would be▪"albert you fu----- fabulous human being, you"▪"stop being such an a----- aDORABLE person, race, my heart cant handle it"▪its actually very wholesome but the week is hell for those two▪the next monday theyre both like "FUCK yes we can fucking swear again thank goodness"▪its a very swear-heavy week to make up for the last one. the boys are Really Amused●race is so full of energy all the time its actually kinda weird for albert to see him tired or drowsy before nighttime▪but he knows if he gives race any form of caffeine or sugar the boy will practically be bouncing off the walls▪so he chooses to enjoy his time w/ sleepy race while it lasts bc while its pretty unusual its also absolutely adorable▪race is even more cuddly than usual when hes tired/sleepy ngl and i mean,,,,,, albert isnt complaining▪al lives for the lil smile race has on his face when hes tired and albert has just kissed his forehead or something. its so cute he swears hes gonna explode●albert is Wonderful at poetry yall cant try me on this i will take it to my grave▪race has no idea about this until they have to write a poem for english▪very open-ended assignment. a poem of any style about anything you want to write about▪albert says his is about one of the best gifts hes ever received and it turns out▪the poem is abt race▪and its REALLY well written half the class is saying 'awwww' and the other half is near tears and smiling▪race is part of the other half. except he starts crying. did i mention hes emotional as hECK●shsjjfjgs amusement park dates▪these boys live for them (also i rlly just want an excuse to write about amusement park dates)▪kind of chaotic bc race bruises really easily AND hes really clumsy so if he and al have to part ways for a bit he might look like shit when they reconvene and albert is like "do i have to fight somebody or did you just do something dumb and get yourself hurt again"▪"........the latter"▪"jesus christ, race. youre such a disaster. but i love you"▪"love you too albieeeeee"

×××

sahjkhdks i love them so much. i think i got a bit carried away with all of these lmaooo so i hope you like them!!

-sanj 💕

tag list:

@but-let-us-seize-the-day​

@one-candy-cane-please​

@suddenly-im-respecsable​

@intoomanyfandomstopickaname​

@be-more-chill-evan-hansen​

@aw-jus-let-em-try

@bencookisagod​

@well-the-kids-do-too​

@auspicioustarantula​

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@not-a-scab​

@newsiesgarbage​

@pineappapizza

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@stopthe-presses​

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@maxvanna

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[if you want to be added to my tag list, please shoot me an ask or a message letting me know! i’d be happy to add you!]

[raintheawesomewolf]

Depressed

So i was gonna come home and draw a bit today... But instead i found out i was fired from my job for a scene that didnt happen the way it was described.

According to my former boss i was fired because i dropped f bombs and argued with my lead because i couldnt take directions.

Here is what actually happened;

I started the day normal. It was a good day. But they swamped me with priority orders and even though i was still new, i took to the challenge because i felt rhey wanted to see if i would sink or swim... I wanted to swim like a fish in water with that job.

Then came time to package everything. I managed to do this on time. (Note: we can listen to music so im bustin moves while finishing these orders in timely fanshion. I feel like i need to mention this because for context... I work to a rhythm and i listen to a lot od trap to get stuff done quickly and accurately.) Anyways, one lead tells me take them and put them in individual bags so i go back and start doing that. Then another lead tells me i need to bulk package the order with the little bags inside with lables. At first i was confused and i tried to comunicate this. This is how it went; L1 for lead 1 and L2 for lead 2.

L1: "okay, so now that your done, take thes elittle bags and these labels and package them for shipment.

Me: "okay, so just place them in the individual bags, place a label and bring back up here?"

L1: "yup."

Me: "okay."

L2 sees me, stops me and goes: "No no no. You need to bulk them with labels and send them up. You need to just place them all in a bag and send them up for so'n'so.

Me: "-but L1 said i need to place them individually."

This is L2: "no, you need to put them in bulk so they can be qc'd (quality controlled for those of you who dont work in manufacturing) and they may come back for you to packag indevidually."

"Okay. I kind wish this was explained a bit better a little earlier but i can do it now that i know."

Apperently this was arguing with her. Me trying to clarify what she meant because she said it rather fast and confusing like.

The next that happeed was the labeling. I didnt know how they were placed. So i put them on knowing that if i got it wrong they were removable and i could fix it. I made a small joke and life carried on.

According to L2 this is where i dropped f bombs. And they had no patience for it. So they called the temp agency i was hired through and had me fired.

I work this job a week. And i fell in love with it. I loved the people. I love the work. And i love the job in itself. I clocked off. Went to my car and saw i had three missed called from the agency. I immediately thought there was a different problem than what they told me. This agency is notorious for stopping people from workimg or threating jobs because of not knowing enough people for references. This is what i thought their problem was.

No. I stead i was greeted with this.

Agent: "hi, Rainwolf1265, how is the job going?"

Me: "great! I really like it here. Its fun and i like the work!"

Agent: "well thats good, so there was any issues today?"

Me: "no, why would there be?"

Agent: "we recieved a called from MainBossMan that you were arguing with your lead and that you dropped f bombs and that you arent taking directions well? So they ended your assignment there today. They said they dont have the patience for it."

Me: "...what? ...i never... I mean i had a slight confusion today but i thought it got worked out by me trying to clarify."

Agent: "Thats a shame. Well they ended you assignment so i cant do much. If you want to give us a call in the morning we can see what else is available. Maybe this was a blessing in disguse?"

My thought at this point is, i just made friends here. I was doing well. I even started to be proud of working for this place and now i am being told they fired me. I was upset. And i communicated this.

Agent: "are you still there?"

Me: "...yeah, sorry. Im a bit upset right now. Im not exactly sure what i did wrong."

Agent: "i understand. Why dont you call in the morning and well figure something out."

At this point i agree, say goodbye to the guy. He was doing his best to be as sweet as possible because you could hear the shock and hurt in my voice. I sat in my car and cried. In the parking lot of the job i started to love and lost. And i cried all the way home.

I keep going over and over it in my head trying to find where i went wrong but i dont really see anything. And im worried i wont be able to pay my bills this week or next month.

As it is, my bank account is in the negatives because i was finaccially screwed to begin with. Now im jobless. Semi homeless. And going hungry and im not even kidding.

I live in a fifth wheel. My car is broken. I have no money to feed myself tonight and the only good thing i had going, a decent paying job that was respectable, is gone. I dont know how im going to make a single payment to my already massive debt.

And i honestly feel like a failure.

To my new friends who i made there... Im sorry. I will probably never see you again, but im glad i met you and we had good times. Thanls for putting up with me and my shinnanigans during break.

Thanks for reading... I needed to vent a bit. Im gonna go cry in my hole of shame. Where that seems to be the only place i belong until i call the agency tomorrow.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

my highlights list of Owl City songs

maybe you’ve only heard like “fireflies” and you dont have shit taste and aren’t a coward and so you’ve always hoped i’d make a list of imo extra standout owl city songs; maybe i just wanted to make something like this list even though i didnt try that hard to cut it down and it would change every day and i dont think i dislike any of his songs and could give reasons why i especially like some element of pretty much each of them

Assuming Everyone’s Also Heard: VANILLA TWILIGHT (Ocean Eyes), GOOD TIME (The Midsummer Station) they’re both amazing. vanilla twilight is intense and good for when you’re looking at a nice sunset and feeling brave. shaq is in the music video. that carly rae jepsen and adam young happened to team up was a great move by whoever initiated it, and good time is iconic, and there’s a version where carly rae jepsen is also singing the chorus and its better but i dont really know how to search for it in particular because its otherwise identical

***HELLO SEATTLE*** (Ocean Eyes) this was on the radio too so it couldve gone in the above section but it needs its own. im not sure i’d say this is officially my favorite owl city song but if someone hadnt heard anything by owl city this is the one i’d choose to represent his entire vibe and be the first impression. and you’d think nobody could possibly remix it but adam young himself did and its fantastic and relatable even though the only lyrics are the occasional words “hello seattle.” technically the first version of this song is on the album “of june” and theyre both good but i like the ocean eyes version best

DESIGNER SKYLINE (Of June) the most upbeat song on the album probably. adam young is very very good at lyrics and some elements of this include his imagery, rhythm, alliteration, wordplay, and general ability to make the words in a song both euphonic in the sound along but also be very Pretty content wise. ok im most serious about how good he is with lyrics so maybe i’ll be more concise after this one

FUZZY BLUE LIGHTS (Of June) owl city songs aren’t depressing or even really Sad even when they’re sad (w/ some exceptions…cough silhouette) but they’re good if you are / have been a Sad Person Who Lives In Their Head because thats what a lot of the songs are about / the perspective theyre from. this one sounds like that and also like an overcast day

***IF MY HEART WAS A HOUSE*** (Ocean Eyes) the Best love song of the whole discography imo. it goes hard as fuck. i don’t date but for the duration of this song i have a gf/bf/nb-f

THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG (Ocean Eyes) one of the best and another one of the best love songs. im especially partial to the winter theme now o course. this super cool thing happens in the middle with amazing lyrics and this volume effect. the instrumental versions of this and if my heart was a house are also killer

ANGELS (All Things Bright And Beautiful) adam young loves jesus a whole lot; this song is about literal christian angels. i love the alliteration of the lines “in the dust on the cellar staircase / a pair of footprints followed me / i saw a flicker in the fake fireplace”. not many owl city songs are from both an upbeat perspective AND have upbeat music, and this one’s chorus really goes for it. adam y.’s pretty excited about jesus stuff i think and so when he channels that in songs especially about jesus, it’s pretty energetic. but for the most part his songs arent overtly christian save maybe some passing references, so if thats a concern dont worry

***GALAXIES*** (ATBAB) for example, this one definitely has a jesus line. but this is just one of the references to an unspecified “he” which means it could also just be interpreted as gay. (owl city belongs to the gays btw) and this really is a song to go ham to and listen to it with stereo speakers because one of my fave parts relies on that. the intro is a bit jarring because the outro of “january 28, 1986” is meant to transition into this one

DEMENTIA (The Midsummer Station) i’d put this as a highlight but recognize its coz its a personal fave. it sounds like it would be incredibly depressing of course but it has nothing to do with actual dementia thank god. it’s a love song and very upbeat in both sound and content. i’m hugely partial to the lyrics, especially the pairs “every light in the night flickered in and out / every bone in my back shivered up and down”; “every voice in my head shouted yes and no / every freight train of thought fought to stop and go”; “every tear in my eyes dripped and wouldn’t drop / every disc in my spine shook and couldn’t stop” and “every hand let me go that i tried to hold / every warm-hearted love left me freezing cold”

KISS ME BABE, IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME (single) he has a bunch of random christmas singles and this ones the best. the titles ridiculous and i love it, and the song isn’t really about anything and i love it. it is such a bop. “peppermint winter” and “humbug” are the other best xmas ones

SHOOTING STAR (Midsummer) half the songs on this album are summery dancey songs about having fun with other people (usually owl city songs are about being lonely or having fun with one other person tops by cloudwatching, so this album is unusual in that regard and rocks out a bit which is also unusual as per owl city’s tendency to sound really dreamy or otherwise fairly light. it bothers people who are in the “the old stuff is better” camp of everything) and the other half are upbeat summery songs that are encouraging and tell you you’re a good and special person. this one is the latter and a lot of fun. i like the lyrics and melody of the lines “fan a flame so hot it melts our hearts” and “let your colors burn and brightly burst / into a million sparks that all disperse / and illuminate a world that’ll try to bring you down” (but not this time)

GOLD (Midsummer) same category song as above (title refers to “i know you’re gold”). it’s great and sung to a person about to go off and do something and you’re telling them they can totally do it because they’re great. i maintain that one of the Owl City Signature Moves is The Affectionate Sigh: he’s very good at working in words sung with a rising/falling tone, a la a sigh, and its an upbeat delivery not like a “im sad” sigh. when it happens in this song is my favorite part of the whole thing, at the end of the line: “you’ll never be far, i’m keeping you near, inside of my heart, you’re he^re”

BEAUTIFUL TIMES (Ultraviolet EP) the songs on ultraviolet all have a super cool sound, kind of mixing the more loud/layered/noisy quality of midsummer station with the more introverted vibe he usually has, and are all kind of about being stressed and sad but looking to something or someone and kind of seeing a chance to feel okay. “this isn’t the end” is completely about a girl who’s dad kills himself but it has the really good line “you fight to survive cuz you made it this far” and otherwise has a technically uplifting end but without much of the “you shouldnt kill yourself because life is magical” bs which is useless and irrelevant imo but instead the “life is chaotic and you cant say the future is going to be good but it exists and meanwhile you’re not dead yet” which is an infinitely more thoughtful approach. but anyways, about beautiful times: its also about being happy but usually being really sad (“this fight of my life is so hard (so hard, so hard) but i’m gonna survive, oh oh these are beautiful times,”) and also isnt very patronizing about the subject (the prospect/aspiration of feeling happy when you’re a Sad Person) and frames everything in having had damagingly negative feelings while still being overall positive. i really like the way he sings into the first few verses with an echo of what will be the first couple of words, overlapping slightly and growing in volume before taking you right into the actual start of the verse. this is the most upbeat sounding song of the EP imo

THUNDERSTRUCK (Mobile Orchestra) the intro alone is killer. one of the most Go Hard to songs of the owl city discography. proudly carries the tradition of singing about ghosts (see: plant life, a fun-to-sing-along-to song all about an actual haunted house)

BACK HOME (Mo Orch) this album has a lot of sounds that, while familiar, are different from any of the other albums, like this one which is very very country. it goes hard as fuck. it uses the word “fireflies” for the first time since fireflies. i love it

CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU (M.O.) personal fave of the album is mostly why this is here. as the title suggests its a dramatic love song, i love how pumped the chorus is and the way the outro sounds. Love To Sing Along

***WHEN CAN I SEE YOU AGAIN?*** this is peak “happy music, sad lyrics” even though thats everywhere in owl city music, its pretty rare to find songs that are straightforwardly happy. this song is a banger and lyrically crushing. i guess its in the “bittersweet” category like a shit ton of owl city songs are, but still. this song changed our lives

I HOPE YOU THINK OF ME has this sick chill drumbeat throughout the song which is kind of rare. it kind of fuses his underwater type sound with his going hard as hell sound. like, it would be like the choreography of “bet on it” if i was listening to this song while standing up. you get really into the lyrics. i love this part at the end where the music pulls back for just a second while he goes “the thought is KILLING me!” shoutout to “kamikaze” where he yells half of it and its invigorating, shoutout to “paper tigers” which is an amazing song that hasnt shown up on an album

SUNBURN (Ocean Eyes) possibly the cutest owl city song. it has a sweet guitar riff. cute sweet, not sickass sweet.

HOT AIR BALLOON (Ocean Eyes) possibly the happiest owl city song. extremely cute but not as cute as sunburn but happier than sunburn.

BEAUTIFUL MYSTERY killer intro, really upbeat, the melody of the verses is great and the chorus goes pretty hard

RAINBOW VEINS (Maybe I’m Dreaming) another top level cute and happy song (“cheer up and dry your damp eyes, and tell me when it rains, and i’ll blend up that rainbow above you, and shoot it through your veins”) and has a top tier chilled out whispery interlude/bridge/whatever that then throws you into this pumped up finale

THE YACHT CLUB (ATBAB) speaking of being thrown into a pumped up finale, this does that too. so does “umbrella beach.” this one goes hardest imo and the live version of it goes even harder than that. plus the lyrics are amazing and the alliteration is stellar

***SUPER HONEYMOON*** (Maybe I’m Dreaming) consistently one of my top tier faves. i like the semi staccato delivery of parts of the lyrics, the music is fantastic, also very Classic Example of owl city

SKY DIVER (MID) super dreamy and pretty and bittersweet sounding, classic

HALCYON a bop!!! electronica on electronica

SLEEPWALKER so fun and sounds like a song to be going to the beach to

YOUTOPIA (ft. Adam Young) obvs not owl city but i’m putting it in, the full 4 min version. not only dreamy and bittersweet but one thing i always love in music is an unresolved musical phrase repeating on end. there’s also this part in the middle where his vocals kind of layer and grow and it has a long E sound and when he lingers on the long E its one of those things that would be grating except for its actually great because of that. see: honey and the bee

MR. HEARTACHE (ft. Adam Young) a total bop about being sad. like i wanna jump around to this song. see: tokyo, the song by adam young (owl city) featuring the artists of this one, SEKAI NO OWARI, which has my fave lyric “are you having fun yet, i’ll send you the sunset, i love the most”

FIREFLIES (Said the Sky remix) the intro to this is like, oh my god. the only fireflies remix the world needs.

UMBRELLA BEACH (Long Lost Sun remix) the original is great but i love this version even more. the finale is fantastic and exuberant

THAT’S IT i could include all the songs because i have good things to say and specific things to point out about each of them. for example: dental care is a masterpiece of puns. puns are a running theme in owl city. so is ghosts, the sky, the ocean, and The Affectionate Sigh. if you listen to enough songs you find repetitions of certain phrases like “oh darling i wish you were here,” “i feel like a postcard, i wish you were here,” “like hundreds of postcards, that say i wish you were here” and someone should make a post of all of them. it would be me if i had a laptop. anyways i like owl city you’re welcome for this post

[roommateofmyimagination-blog]

Chapter 1: Moving in

                                              ✗ Adrian  ✗ 

“You sure you don't need help moving in?” Mom asked as i was moving boxes into my car.

“Uh?” I looked back at her, “Oh. Nah. It’ll be fine.” I set the box down and counted all of my things. “Am i forgetting anything?” I scratched my head.

“Your guitar?” Mom looked into my trunk as well.

“Fuck!!” I ran back inside and up the stairs to my room and grabbed my guitar case and my guitar. Gently putting it in the case, i looked around my now slightly empty room. “Forgetting anything else?” I stood up, spinning in a slow circle. “Oh shit yeah.” i slapped my forehead. “Demyan? Where are you?” I walked to my bed, shifting around the blankets. Flipping the blankets over, i found Demyan lying in the center of the bed. “Cmon, get up. We’re leaving.”

Demyan made little grumbling noises. “No. It is too bright outside.” he tried to waddle away.

“Nuh-uh.” I picked him up gently. “You are comin with me. No questions.”I stroked his little head with my finger. “Can you sleep in my pant pocket?”

“How long is the drive?” He yawned a bit.

“Not long, but i do have to unpack. If my roommate isn’t there, ill let you out. We got a deal?” i asked him.

He took a moment to respond, “We do.” he latched onto my shirt and crawled down into my front pocket. “You are lucky this is a deep pocket.” he said from inside.

“Do you want in the guitar case?” I chuckled.

He poked his little head out, looking down at the case. “Would you leave it open for me?”

“Probably not.” I bent back down near the case closing it up.

“Then i shall stay here for now. I may crawl out into the car.” He wiggled himself back into my pocket.

“Just let me know if you do.”  i heaved my case over my shoulder and made my way back down the stairs. Seeing Dad hanging out at the bottom of the stair case. “Hey.” I said before he saw me.

“Hello.” He turned to face me. “Will you be coming back to visit?” he asked, leaning on the railing.

“Possibly, if i have time.” I stood on the last step before the floor. “Why? Aren’t you glad im leaving the house?”

“A little.” He looked towards the  front door. “It won’t be the same without you here sometimes. You are our last child. We do wish to see you as often as we can.”

“I’ll see if i can.” I rubbed my head.

“You should visit to play for your mother. “ dad extended his hand.

“Ill try.” i grabbed his hand, and we shared a firm handshake. Dad smiled a bit and slapped my shoulder with his other hand. He walked with me when i went outside to find mom reorganizing my boxes.  “Ma, leave my shit alone.” I walked up to her, taking the box from her hands and putting it back in the trunk.

“I was just making life easier for you.” she put her hands on her hips and made a stern face.

“Uhuh, Sure.” i smirked at her, moving a stray lock of hair out of her face and behind her ear with the rest of her dark brown hair that had bits of graying showing.. “Thanks mom.”

“Your welcome.” She smiled. “Call if you need help.”

“I will. I think i have some buddies who go to school there.” I walked to the passenger side of the car and put my guitar there.

“Your druggy friends?” Dad said from the door way.

Mom gave him a stern look. Dad shrugged in response. “Don’t you have a friend there who is a senior this year?” She asked.

“Ya, why?” I asked. Closing the door.

“The fraternity friend you mention?” She crossed her arms.

“Eric. Yeah. What about it?” I put my hand on my hip, shfting my weight to my left leg.

“I like the idea of you joining a fraternity, but not his.” she looked sad.

“Frats arent my thing. But Frat parties are a different stroy.” I leaned onto the car.

“Dont pass all of your classes this semester, we’re not paying for school.” Dad sounded mad.

“Im gonna pass. Im just gonna party too.”I smirked. “I’m a high functioning druggy.”

“Be safe. Have fun.” mom put her hand on my shoulder, “But get your Bachelor as well.”

“I will.” I grabbed her hand. “Im going to be the photographer who takes photos for your advertisements.”  mom chuckled softly. “Now, i gotta go. Ill see you around.” I pulled mom closer and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and lifting a peace sign to my dad who hesitantly did the same back. I got in the car, put it in reverse and was out of the driveway and headed to campus for my first year living on campus. My first year I was living at home, but i finally convinced dad to let me leave on campus for the first time and get a college experience.

“Are we there yet?”  Demyan said sleepily as he sat in a cupholder.

“I just got on campus let me find my dorm building and park.” I poked him on the head and looked for my building. After finding it, I park the car backwards, Trunk facing the sidewalk. Turning the car off i hop out of the car. “You staying in the cupholder, or back in the pocket?” I went to the other side and pulled out my guitar, backpack that hard art supplies in it, and all my camera bags.

“I can be out in the daylight, you know that, correct?” Demyan said as he crawled into the passenger seat.  “I just choose not too.” “I do know that, but pets aren’t allowed here. So in the pocket or in my camera bag.” I pointed at the bag that was hanging from my hip.

“I shall get in your bag. Your pocket is not the most comfortable.” he waddled up to the bag and hopped in when i opened it enough to let him in.

By the time i made it up to the third floor. I hunched over at the top of the stair case. “Fuck. This. SHIT!” i huffed as i placed my hands on my knees. “Art students and stairs are not FUCKIN FUN!” I slung all my bags back onto my shoulders and stood up straight. “This is all going to be worth it. When i fucking finish and unpack every-fuckin-thing.” I stomped my way down the hallway, and found my room. Knocking on the door, I waited a moment, then tested the door knob. It was unlocked, so i went in. No one was in the room at the moment but looked like my roommate was already moved in and unpacked. “Ah, guess he aint here….Hm, hope hes cute.” I set all my stuff down and let demyan out. “Stay out of sight okay?”

“Will do.” Demyan waddled and bounced over to the dresser on the empty side of the room and crawled into it. “I will be here.”

“Alright.” I pulled out my phone and looked at the temperature. “A bit too hot for doing this with clothing on….” I put my hands on my hip. “Fuck it im going shirtless.” I took my top shirt off then took my tshirt off.

“Do not let anyone see that chain…” Demyan mumbled from his space.

“I was just working on that.” I huffed, shimmying the chain down and pulling my pants on over it. “Ill be back.” I turned and walked out of the room and back down the stairs and too the car. This took me several runs to do by myself. But i eventually got everything into the room. With my last run, i walked into the dorm room carrying several boxes.

“Oh hi!” a voice chirped up.

“Ah.” I stopped and put the boxes down. “Sorry, didn’t see ya.” I wiped my hands together, then onto my pants. Turning around i faced my dormmate. “Sup.” I held my fist out for a fist bump.

“U-uuuhm.” He said when he saw me. His face was turning red as his hand was just held out into the air for a handshake. “Uhm! Yeah, Hi. its okay!” He looked up to meet my eyes and turned his hand into a fist and bumped his knuckles with me. “I’m Valentine. Valentine Hicks.”

“Adrian Howell.” I replied back, eyeing him up and down.

“What?” he said, turning his head to the side.

“Have we met before? You look somewhat familiar?” I ran my hands through my hair and tied it all up in a messy top bun.

“Hmmm, Did you go to school here your first year?” He asked.

“Yeah.”

“Art major?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you must have saw me in the building.” He smiled.

“Foundations.” Is all i said.

“Huh?” He tilted his head again.

“Foundations room, you’re the talkative kid who was there that day.” I pointed at his hair. “I remember that hair with that attitude.”

“Oh!” he clapped his hands together, “you did that sunset painting! It was so pretty!”

I turned away from him and started unpacking my stuff. “So whats your major?” i cut open all my boxes and dumped my clothes on the bed and floor.

“Fashion designer.” He said proudly, when i looked over at him he stood very proudly too. “Whats yours?” he asked, walking up to me. “Need help?”

“Major in Photography with a minor in film. Might change a bit.” I started seperating my pants from my shirts, from my socks, and from my boxers. “And nah. I got this.”

“What would change?” He asked, sitting on my bed and helping fold my clothes neatly. “You have too much stuff thats ripped, stained in paint and in black.” he pouted a bit.

“Its my style.” I eyed him up and down again. “I might double major or double minor. Thinking of adding music to it all if i can.”

“You write music or play an instrument?” he looked very interested.

“You ask a lot of fuckin questions, cupcake.” I sighed lightly, folding a pair of pants. “I play guitar and piano, and i dont write. But i do sing.”

“Maybe i can write something for you?” He smiled, blushing lightly. “I know how to write music, and i write literature as well.” his shoulders tensed up and he looked down then back up.

“Yo, that’d be pretty sick.” I grabbed all the now folded shirts and opened the dresser already placed in the room. I opened the drawer that demyan was sleeping in and put the shirts around him so he could sleep on something soft, the closed it but left it cracked a bit.

“Uhm, what?” Valentine tilted his head with a blank stare.

“I’d sing somethin you wrote.” I paused, then smirked. “If its good ya know.”

Valentine seemed to glow with a bright ray as he bounced up onto his feet. “Deal!”

“D-Deal?” I stuttered, stepping back from his sudden springe. “I’ll write you a song! Challenge accepted!” his bright smile turned wicked fast, “But, lets make a bet?”

“Oh?” I stepped up to him, crossing my arms and leaning my head down closer to him. “Whats this deal involve?” i cocked my head to the side, eyeing him up again. Something about this kid smelled nice too. He smelled like something sweet, maybe its his cologne or his shampoo and soap. Either way, he smelled delicious.

“If i win, I get to dress you as a model!” He started to blush then stood up straight to meet my stare.

“So imma be yer play thing?” I asked. Something about this kid was off. I could almost smell it.

“I didn’t say that, but maybe.” He sounded cocky yet shy.

“Aight, cupcake.” I stood up straight. “You win, ill let ya dress me and i’ll perform the song for ya in front of an audience.”

“What?” he sounded shocked.

“Ya heard me. Ill perform in an outfit you give me.” stepping closer to him, making him walk backwards until his back hit the wall. “If i win, you do whatever i say ok?”

Valentine looked at the wall then back up at me. “What does you winning intell?” he cocked his head.

“Means the song you wrote aint for me. I can’t sing it.” I put my palm against the wall beside his head. “And if i cant sing it, i don’t like it. Means a lose cupcake. Then you'll do what i ask ya too.” Valentine looked at my hand then back to me. “Deal?” I smirked wickedly.  

Valentine took a moment before he responded. “Deal.” He stuck his hand out.

“Aight.” I took his hand in mine with a tight grip. “Good luck, Rubylocks.” letting his hand go, i backed up and went back to putting my shit away

“Rubylocks?” Valentine repeated me. “You can call me, Val.” he crossed his arms and cocked his hips to the side. “Whats with cupcake too?”

“Your hair.” I pointed at his head. “Your hair reminds me of a red velvet cupcake. So cupcake for short.” Val looked startled and embarrassed by that. “Is it dyed?”

“My hair? No its natural.” He puffed his cheeks.

“Ah cool.” I paused for a second, “I like it, its a nice color on ya.” I put up all my clothes then went about finding a place to put all of my photography equipment.

“What do i call you?” Valentine asked, hanging out on his side of the room.

“Whatever ya want.” i stood up and grabbed spare boxes and moved them to the corner.

“Ill call you Adri then.” he sounded chipper.

I looked over my shoulder at him and stared for a moment. Laughing through my nose i went back to my business. “Whatever suits ya, man.”

Most of the rest of the day, as Val helped me unpack even if i told him not too, we talked about our interests and what classes we had. We figured out that we had quite a few classes together. Wasn’t that shocking we’re both in the same kind of department. Val was wearing my ass out, in what felt like a good way, kid was really talkative and friendly. He was kinda humorous to be around. I got up from the desk in the room and leaned against the dresser, letting demyan crawl into my pocket as i shifted through my clothes to find my cigarettes.

“Imma head out for a bit.” I stuffed the small box into the back pocket of my pants.

“Its late, and we have a curfew.” Val looked at the clock. “Where are you going?”

“I like bein out at night. Plus i need to smoke, and i cant do that here. Id get my ass in deep shit if they caught me.” I walked to the door and opened it, “We’ll hang tomorrow. Shop for the room if ya want.”

“Oh, ok sounds like a plan.” Val sounded happy about that.

“Ill be back eventually.” I waved him off and walked out into the hallway and took the stairs down and out into the night environment.  I walked around a corner and into an alleyway between the dorm buildings and leaned against the wall, pulling my cigarettes and lighter, looking around for any on lookers. “You can come out.”

Demyan shuffled around in my pocket and crawled out and down my pant’s leg onto the ground where he turned into his human form, this time with clothes on. He stretched his arms behind his head, baring his slightly exposed back to me. Demyan turned to face me where i could get a good look at him. He wore a short yet loose black jacket over what looked light a form fitting longsleeved crop top that barely covered his chest with a gold choker with deep red gems around his neck, going down to have a gold sash holding up his poofy black pants that cinched at his calves with tights around his legs that left him bare footed.

“That was indeed a much needed stretch.” he said as he stood with his hands on his hips. “You have an interesting roommate.”

“He talks a lot.” I put the cigarette in my mouth and lit it. “Think you can stay outta sight?” “I believe that i can.” he brought his hand up to play at the choker around his neck. “Did you notice anything new about yourself?” he had an evil smirk on his lips.

“What?” i asked, speaking while holding the cigarette between my lips.

“You know what I am referring to.” he stepped closer to me, his body covered in shadows while his amber eyes stood out in the darkness. “Your sense of smell. It is stronger now,” He cocked his head. “Your smell is more sensitive now, thus meaning you can smell better.”

I pulled the cigarette from my lips and blew out the smoke away from Demyan. “Is that why i can smell this smoke so much more?”

“Yes, that and Valentine. You could smell it too, could you not? How sweet he smelled, and how warm?” he exposed his sharp fangs. “You can sense heat now as well from warm-blooded creatures.” his lips curled to that smirk of his, “you can see better now yes? Even hear better now?”

“I haven’t noticed that yet.” I put the cigarette back in my mouth and took a long drag.

“You will, hopefully. It is apart of your new powers.” he sounded proud. “It is just a common side effect you will have, now that you are in contract with me.”

“Am i gonna turn into a vampire?” I asked blowing out the smoke in front of him.

With a simple wave of his hand, “Not exactly. You have vampire bat like qualities now, and when i show you how to use your powers. You could argue that it is vampire like.”  

“When are ya gonna teach me?” I raised my brow at him, “Do i have to spin and twirl and some shit?”

“Possibly, that depends.” he chuckled wickedly. “You will learn soon, my pup. I will be getting in touch with a friend of mine. He and his human will help teach you.”

“You have friends?” I laughed.  

“I do. I have friends in dark places, Adrian.” He stepped closer to me, and held my chin up, “Some i advise you to respect, become friendly with, some even to be scared of….and when you meet those types, you will know when, I advise you…” he paused, “Listen carefully to me, when you do meet them….Run.”

“Why should i fuckin run?” I snarled at him.

“Oh my pup.” he cooed softly yet dark. “Your fangs, they are too small. You can not face them like you are.” he cupped my face with his hands, that felt so cold yet so comforting and strong. “They have strong bonds, but, if you stay with me and you listen to me, do as I say.” he smiled what could have looked soft if it were not for his piercing, spine chilling eyes staring at me, “we will be strong. Maybe unbreakable someday. But you must bond with me, do not fight me, pup.”

Pulling out of his hold, “Whatever.” I finished my cigarette and dropped it, putting it out with my foot. “So is your friend a vampire bat too?”

“Ah there are some like me, they are family members.” he backed up, “But not all of us are the same. My friend, he is a wolf. His human has powers that of a werewolf.”

“Are you all some kind of fairy-tale fuckin creatures?” I slumped my shoulders, looking at Demyan dumbfounded.

“No, we...My kind, is not your so called fairy-tales.” He paused and chuckled, “We are the creatures you humans think you made up. But we take form as an animal that closely resembles it.” he jutted his finger towards me, “Now you humans. You are the mythical creature you think are false. You Adrian, my pup, are a vampire.” He smiled innocently and put his hand on his chest. “I am but an innocent vampire Bat.” He put so much emphasis on the word bat.

“And these so called, ‘heros’, are the mythical as well?” I rolled my eyes at him.

“They are more so just like their partner.” he crossed his arms. “So say a human meets a cat. They would get the abilities of a cat and look somewhat like one. Ears and a tail, all those likes.”

“So why the fuck do i not have wings?” I raised my brow to Demyan.

“My pup, Do i look like i have wings attached to my back?” Demyan had a tone of voice that sounded like he had a bad taste in his mouth from my question.

“You turn into a bat.” I said mockingly, “you turn into a human whos naked the first time and now clothed.” i started waving my hand around flamboyantly “the fuck i know, you could sprout bat wings on your butt for all i fuckin know.”

“That seems unpractical, but believe what you will.”  he shrugged. “You should get back to your room. It is late, and as much as you are a creature of the night. You need sleep.”

Clicking my tongue, I walked past him out of the alleyway, “And you?”

“I am going to get my dinner and meet some of my friends.” He flashed his teeth at me.

“....Don’t go killin no one okay?” i looked at him concerned. Would Demyan actually kill a human because he wanted dinner? “I do not feed often in my human form.” he turned his back to me, “Leave the window by your bed cracked open, I shall return.”

“You promise?” I asked, turning away from him.

“We are connected now, I will not be gone for long.” he started to walk away. “I will give you a full understanding of who i am and all at another time. Good night Adrian.”

“Yeah yeah.” I waved him off and made my way back to my dorm. I quietly opened the door to not wake Val up, if he was asleep. I popped my head in.

“Well, you're late!” Val was sitting cross legged on his bed, wearing a loose shirt and shorts. “Does it take you awhile to smoke?”

“I was walkin too.” I came in and shut the door, “Can a guy not go on a walk?” I walked over to my bed and sat down taking my shoes off.

“Are you not going to shower?” he asked. Taking his hair down from his bun and shaking his head lightly.

I watched his hair cascade down onto his shoulders and past. His hair really did look nice on his pale skin with his blue eyes.

“Ill shower in the mornin.” I stood up and pulled my shirt off and started to pull my pants down, but heaved them right back up as i felt the metal chain along my hips.

“Why are you stripping!?” Val shouted, then covered his mouth.

“Shhhhhh!!” I hissed through my teeth. “I aint strippin. I dont like sleepin with a shirt on and my pants were bunched up and fuckin my junk.”

“Ah, oh. Sorry.” He blushed, then quickly crawled under his covers. “Good night, Adrian!”

“Night, cupcake.” I crawled onto the bed, leaning over to crack the window open then plugging my earbuds into my phone and put them in my ears, while getting under the covers. I turned onto my side facing the wall so my back was to valentine. Tomorrow was probably going to be a long day. Demyan will hopefully tell me more about what i sold my life into and actually teach me something. I hope the...person...he’s going to get to teach me isnt an asshole like Demyan is.

[skrunglebeasts]

okay, so final fantasy 15 is still sticking with me, so im going to type up some words about it theres probably gonna be spoilers

keep in mind i went into this game with really low expectations. i fully expected to dislike it completely and i was pleasantly surprised to find i actually enjoyed the game enough to finish it all the way through. whats good in it is really, really good and that makes the bad bits that much more irritating to deal with

the world itself is probably one of the most engrossing things about it! its so rare for games to actually meld fantasy into a modern equivalent setting that manages to balance the two aspects in such a fun and interesting way i loved the open world parts and, honestly, if they ever just pulled a skyrim and made an open world game where you play a custom hunter, i would be all over that! i havent enjoyed a game world quite as much as i loved this one in a long time, even if the lens its viewed through is kind of not that great i still think the reasoning behind not including a female character in the party was skeevy (and is also directly contradicted twice in the game itself, so good job on that), the party honestly manages to be fun in most of their banter and its likely just having them around and seeing all the ways they interact with each other that makes the banter work so well. it really feels like youre in the country of lucis and like youre on something that is equal parts epic quest and roadtrip. there are also chocobos, which doesnt really have to do with anything, save for the fact that theyre loveable

and thats where all the strongest parts of final fatnasty 15 are! theyre all in lucis and the countryside you get to explore and dealing with their banter, but it all falls apart when the other parts of the game come into play. primarily the story

the story itself isnt bad as a concept, but the presentation needs so much work. plotholes sprout up almost as fast as side quests and the open world nature of the game doesnt lend well to any sort of urgency in the story telling. and i think the creators of the game realized that because once you set sail to altissia, shit goes south REALLY fast

now, this wouldnt be such a big deal and that sort of tonal dissonance isnt uncommon in video games. but theres usually events leading up to it! hints of something bigger or something terrible happening that will eventually be a problem you have to face directly. but when the death of a major side characters has nearly no emotional impact compared to a main character merely being injured (albeit permanently injured) something went wrong. lunafreya’s death is supposed to be this big deal that really hurts noctis, but none of that in-game hurt carries over at all. this is a video game. im supposed to feel something. but they completely and unironically fridge luna as development for noctis and all it left me with was a feeling that i wanted to skip the cutscenes where noctis bemoans his loss for a character who felt flat. and this happens TWICE. noctis dad dies on screen, but he does it to silenced footage from an apparent tie-in movie called kingsglaive or whatever. taking credit from a movie and putting it into the game is just sloppy.

in comparison, when ignis goes blind, that SUCKED. i knew, from having ignis around, that he relied on his eyesight for clarity in the world, that he felt it was his duty to provide perspective and guidance for noct. its a symbolic and physical loss and it has real impact. but it also happens off-screen and that takes away some of that blow. its the same with gladiolus and his scars. we know he has them and they arent stopping him. why do we have to wait for DLC for that? these are things that could have happened and SHOULD have happened during story missions and taken a while to have lasting impact. instread, all the big injuries and revelations are rushed as quickly as possible into the second half of the game, which i spent barely any time in, compared to the multiple hours i spent running around in lucis

and you can get back to running around in lucis in the form of a time traveling dog. or maybe its just reliving memories? its hard to say, but the game specifically puts in a mechanic that allows you to go back and play what is definitely the best part of the game because, not only do the rest of the story chapters not allow enough for you to do to properly level up for the end game, it also just isnt as interesting. the slough thats chapter 13 has gotten a lot of criticism, and rightly so, because its just so time consuming, mind numbing, and boring compared to being able to just hop into my flying car (which i unlocked) and take off for a ride when the party heads for altissia, i was expecting another territory like lucis! a huge, sprawling area, maybe about the size of one of the states/provinces/area in lucis that i could explore via car. i was expecting more roadtrip, more varied architecture and environments, but instead i got this small area that i was done with inside an hour before moving on to the next story mission and then it gets exploded

and that was just incredibly disappointing. it also set the bar from there. everything save for one or two set pieces (the fight with hydraean, the fight with ardyn at the end) and story moments (gentiana freezing ardyn was....pretty cool B) that and the reveal of the world of ruin really did leave me in awe) from the fall of altissia onward are neat in concept, but also disappointing in the sense that it feels like there should have been more, both while experiencing it and leading up to it. and for a ten year development time, there really should have. maybe they should have taken that budget they wasted on a movie and an anime and actually made the story feel complete

and the thing is, it didnt have to end up like this. the story progression could have felt natural if it ended up leading back to cape caem being where you wake up in the world of ruin and youre forced to make a trek back to the capital. gather your allies that youve made along the way, actually be a king, and lead everyone on a final assault on the capital to take down ardyn. or, at the very least, let us see iris, who is apparently now known as “The Daemon Slayer” what sort of badassness did this girl get up to that got her a nickname like that??

oh well. hopefully the fanbase does its thing and makes some fanfics where the story actually flows well. hell, maybe i should do that! be ready for my 15 chapter fanfic about umbra the dog saving the world

[lyrical--nonsense]

Skys Songs!

Well hello who are you to be plucking your strings so cutely/ Oh my god look at your face Ive never seen an expression so lovely/ You've had me captivated before you even knew my name/ I was trying to get your attention put myself in your periphery/ Too bad you had someone on your arm, I couldnt push things too far/ No not the delicate balance between two friends and an insurmountable passion/ But look who has you now/ Look who will catch you before you hit the ground/ I dont like to make promises they make me scared of what may come/ Heartbreak and betrayal cus God knows I cant keep my word/ But i'll fix it for you, learn how to better myself not put my feelings on an unreachable shelf/ Let me love you/ I'll stay true to my word/ Let me put my trust in you/ Please do the same I want you I want you I want you this desire is enough to drive me insane. I didnt know I was thirsty until it started to rain and the petrichor reminded me of your odor it's the familiarity and comfort of home/ Take me under your wind my Skybird, you'l reach new heights you never dreamed of/ I'll be by your side, I'll be by your side just as long as I know you'll be by mine/ Cus lord knows the first thing you'll want me to do is put me first, not worry over you but of course baby that's what i'll do cus I'm falling in love with you/ I can fall in love with you/ I have my time but it'd be better spent with you/  

You've got static in your head I know I cant hear it/ My voices've got me too busy with mine/ But I know we'll turn out fine you dont have to face your problems all at once I'm sticking around / Cus I'm in no rush to sort out the bigs things I just wanna make sure you know when the time comes I'll be listening/ But for now let me make sure you're fine that you have someone to talk to at night when the chatter's to loud and wont let you sleep/ I'll beat 'em back with my words making sure you know I want to keep your heart safe/ It's scary to think about sinking while swimming, I know it's chilling but so is reality and the facts are I care for you deeply/ I'll be thinking of you sweety, enough to give me cavities/ You're burrowing through me making me your home, I'll keep you safe through the harsh winters my hearth like heart will burn for you/ Like the torch I carried for you when we first met/ You were sitting and strumming carrying such good energy I had to stop and stare/ And wonder who you are, how I could get closer to you not just admire from afar/ 

Youve had love on my mind since the beginning since the beginning/ I couldnt believe what a magnificent specimen was actually in front of me/ You were a living daydream/ My greatest fantasy come to life

If my love was a garden you are the rain/ Here to nourish and bring life, to wash

Let me be your antidote/ You've been filling yourself with poison for far too long/ How much more could you take before you werent you

Suffocate me with kisses I wanna know what it feels like to have my breath taken away/ I want you to see your worth the way I do, it's weighted more than gold

We're the air and the sky two elements combining/ Stars aligning to show us the way/ I'll be your stargazer marvelling at your spacious love/ I want to explore you from horizon to horizon/ Knowing that you'll never end if I go just a little bit futher what will I find/ I'd gaze up at you for hours, try to map out your faces patterns/ Dont want to lose it, it's too important to let it slip from my mind/ You make me hopeful for a new love like I could finally feel it in return/ I dont wanna rush in too soon, gotta hold back dont make the same mistakes as before/ Dont wanna end up rushing for the door when we've just opened it to the possibilities/ Im not worried over your feelings for me/ Dont be afraid to keep it going it strong cus baby/ I think im in love with you and for once im not scared to lose control/ Control/ Im yearning for a love that wont leave me feeling heartless/ Like ive got something to prove to you or else all i am is worthless/ When I'm with you it comes so easily/ I dont have to hold my breath fearing what does he think of me/ The passion you've stirred in me's got me writhing cus I cant hold it in no I cant hold it in/ Im dreaming of a future with you where its begins I dont care as long as you're with me at the end of the day/ I dont need you to promise to stay your eyes say it all they've always spoken volumes even when we're silent/ It's stifling, the anticipation, I've been waiting for a love like you to find me a love like you to find me/

You make me feel at home when I'm with you like 70 years together wouldnt be an issue cus I'd so you old and grey and know that I was there to stand by you for all those days/ Better get a good career for all my visits to the dentist/ Cus you're too sweet for me, you're filling me up with cavities/

Seasons may go temperaments may change but one things for sure baby, our love will remain

I know you, ive seen your face before I know you but from when i cant be sure the polaric energy that we exchange is so far from normal id dare to call strange these feelings arent normal But im not scared, nor am i ashamed to admit that is special youre one of a kind youre the same I wanna got ost in you explore your farthest corners The expedition of you could last a lifetime or two Just to get to know you I dont know how many times we've sung this song and danced this dance All I know is this is another chance to get to know you/ Im seeing how far things can go/ Im seeing how far I can reach into the unknown before I find you Before I find you

I know you're seeing other people but my feelings wont waver no they're not so paper thin as the walls we keep building and crumpling up tossing them into the sun stare in wonder with me as we realize each other, our souls coming together to make a symphony. Cus we've got notes and chords inside of a tune we carry to provide us with a background music through life.

You're my missing puzzle piece my cosmic wonder everything's falling into place what was senseless makes sense and sensitivity has never been a clearer goal for me Im gonna treat you gently please dont think badly of me if I trip or stumble/ I’ll get down on my hands and knees and sort through the rubble

You could be home for me/ You could be home for me/ I could see me building a treehouse inside your soul and giddy as a kid that's where I'd go to hide from the world/ Cus your soul means safety to me/ If i could harness that energy I'd put it to good use/ Bottle it up and make a store on etsy/

[ceceliapegasus]

girl excessively bitter, no one cares

lmao so im just high key bitter abt my relationshits in life, u read tht right, and im just here to complain yet again

aye i made dat b on my tests doeeeeeeeee

so my childhood “friends” which i will refer to as “childhood friends” for the sake of clarity, and everything will be fact unless stated otherwise

-did not invite me to go to a con the first year they started going when literally everyone else was invited

-second year i coincidentally met them walking down the hall and suggested we hang sometime, to which 2 people turned and ignored that i was present, the present boyfriend, one whom i did not know, texting on his phone bored-ed-ly ( ? ) and the girl promptly replying to my “oh! we should totally hang or something later! if you have time.” with “yeah, uh, we can hang out of my friends arent doing anything and im bored later, later!”

-excessively tries to convince me, an extreme introvert with massive social anxiety, “you just gotta put yourself out there to make friends! i’m outgoing and weird so its not hard for me to make friends! just do it!” whilst, yes, physically quoting the meme... me: “thats just really hard for me, you know? haha...i mean i try but--” them: “well that’s how you make friends so.”

-me, the year after their first con: “hey, we should totally room together! it’d be fun!” them: “oh, sorry, i already made friends at (previous con) so we’re staying with them.” me: “oh okay, next time!” them, literally: “nah, if my friends dont go i wont go”

-before spawn of their first con, them: “yeah if you need room we have some space.” me: “cool, yeah! i have a friend from out of town thats coming in so could she stay with cause she’s with me ??” them: “no, sorry, i dont trust anyone ive never met once before, even if she’s your friend, she could be a serial killer or something, you know?? haha.”

anywei the above are multiple verbal accounts of me being shut down and im just a bitter hag b/c i can deal with “nah” or “i hate you so, you cant bunk with us” or any iteration of such but being brushed off and ignored drive me up the wall to no end especially with such high hypocrisy rates i could form it into a knife and commit suicide.

AND THE POINT OF THIS SUPER REDUNDANT POST, BECAUSE GOD KNOWS IVE COMPLAINED ABOUT THIS SO SO /SO/ MANY TIMES, IS THAT IM FINALLY HITTING AX FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IM SO HAPPY BUT THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE ARE ALSO GOING TO AX AND LIKE.... I DESERVED IT FIRST ??? LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLllllllllllllll

MY PARENTS FINALLY LET MY CON BAN GO PROLLY B/C IM IN SCHOOL DOING WELL BUT IM JUST SO BITTER ABOUT THESE HOES CAUSE 2 RIDE COATTAILS, ONE IS BACKED BY HIS RICH PARENTS AND THE LEAD GIRL IS ( PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE @ ME & ) AN ENABLER B/C SHE HAS THE MEANS AND THEY MAKE DISGUSTING JOKES AND HAVE NO BOUNDARIES AND UPSET ME AND THE ONLY REASON IM BITTER AND I KNOW IT IS THAT THEYRE SUCH PRIVILEGED PEOPLE WITH THE ABILITY TO DO WHAT THEY WANT WHILE IM BOUND TO MY HOME 90% OF THE TIME AND ONLY WHEN I USE THEM AS AN EXCUSE CAN I DO SOMETHING I WASNT ABLE TO BEFORE

AND I DESPISE THEM FOR IT

all of my childhood friends had older siblings that got along and connected them while i had nothing and i feel like my problems stem one from another and i just hate hearing about them and how they’re all together 100% of the time and doing shit together and going places together and “why dont you hang out with them” “because i wasnt invited” “invite yourself!” “how do i invite myself to something i didnt know existed” AND ITS OBVIOUS MY PRESENCE WASNT REALLY WANTED ? IF I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE and their con/cos start was for all the wrong reasons and i know just b/c something started out “not good” doesnt mean anything /now/ but all i do is think and hate and nobody hates them or knows these things that murder my emotions and stability from the inside and it kills me inside that i can be insulted and pushed aside so easily by them low-key but its not a thing i can just tell people and have them share my self-pushed hatred because its not right and its just a thing that happend conicidentally with a snowball effect to me only because of how we related and these people are jUST so popular in the community and so well known and i encounter them ridiculously too often for people who OBVIOUSLY ? want nothing to do with me b/c nobody in god’s name uses your friend is an actually possible murderer when there are 30 other excuses or ill ttyl if im bored and alone lmao or im just fucking stupid, who goddamn knows

i dont think they realize they did these things to me in hindsight and its so awkward i try so hard to be friendly and relate and shit but im still so awkward and theyve known me so long it doesnt really slide where new people are “so happy” and “youre cute” but so im just extra baggage who talks to thin air and gets to go out impromptu during get togethers btwn our parents when its a requirement to drag me out somewhere so they dont look bad ( and this also adds fuel to my fire ) and like i try to be nice and i always get really sarcastic answers to realistic, hopeful questions and theyre literally always in the neighborhood but i just , dont get it honestly lol

this pointless situation literally causes 35% of my stress levels and it consumes me because i have no ways to cope--nobody to vent to, no “regular con friends,” no freedom, nothing. im probably gonna give myself ulcers but i mean if i dont who will lmao

my life is honestly just a moot point and i just want people to like me and enjoy my company and be with me etc etc and i feel like im close to that buts its like 1 step forward and 2 steps back kinda job and im just LOL

----------

anyway better question after the 40m it took me to cry abt this bullshit: if i only have a carry on what the fuck cosplays should i bring to AX.....i only realized today that i have like 3 school uniform cosplays with gray blazers of different design omf