#so it's a nice lesson in true friends before it's taught idk how many times again after this

[amelia]

related to that last ask but now i actually have a question! what are your favourite episodes for amy as a character? (sorry if i’m pestering you btw you don’t have to answer right away ❣️)

it is absolutely never a bother for me to talk about amy pond!! gosh though this is a Question. okay. i did interpret this as episodes that are my favorite for the lens of My Understanding Of Amy instead of favorite pond era episodes as a whole if that makes sense? under the cut bc i got long as i tend to do

i think my number 1 has to be the big bang, because it really is just like. okay, pond era absolutely runs into the problem of frequently making stories/episodes that should be centered around amy's emotional journey actually about somebody else — but the big bang is all hers. it is all on her! she's leading the show SHE'S the one in the pandorica SHE'S the one who remembers the doctor into existence it is HER choice to say goodbye to leadworth and continue to travel completely without remorse SHE IS THE HERO. it goes from "time can be rewritten, he'll find a way" to AMY being the one who finds the way. rory and river and the doctor all of course get their Moments but it's unquestionably amy's spotlight moment the whole way through

i have also ALWAYSSS been obsessed with starless universe amelia and the way that she still believes in stars in a world where they DON'T EXIST the power of her mind and the conviction of her beliefs is a CORE TENET of amy's character, the doctor has NOTHING to do with it!!! it's just who she is !!! best character of all time <3

other things about the amy's writing in this episode i love: the line "the universe pouring into her dreams every night," space florida outfit <3, ok i obviously do not love this but i think so much about amy talking about the doctor at her wedding and her mother is still like "NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN… i thought the psychiatrists FIXED her" like once again !!! a UNIVERSAL CONSTANT that amy is the one who believes in things nobody else does and is LOUD about it and is RIGHT !!! (let's kill hitler tried to retcon this but it simply won't work on me ❤️ just like anything else about the let's kill hitler flashbacks ❤️❤️❤️), OKAY DOCTOR DID I SURPRISE YOU THIS TIME? <3

number 2, i think, is the eleventh hour itself? like it's just… i've rewatched it so many times and it's still the most captivating character introduction i have ever seen. i know i'm biased but i love it so much. her introduction as a clearly neglected seven year old girl (constantly think about the deleted line that has her talking to aunt sharon and saying "you're not supposed to leave me, i'm seven!" WOOF) who's not afraid of anything except for the crack in her wall… she has drawings up all over her house of burning houses, she draws smiley faces into her apples bc her mom used to do that, she can cook for herself way better than i could at seven, and she desperately just wants to leave. but when the doctor tells her he'll be back in five minutes, amy is already so used to adults leaving her and breaking their promises that she doesn't believe him. but he makes her believe anyway. and he doesn't come back.

and all of the rest of her character hinges on that introduction — of course she has to believe him, he was REAL, nobody can take his realness away from her even if she is the only one who believes. but he also left her all alone for so long, just like everyone else who was supposed to be there for her did, so what good does that to her? so yeah of course she grows up angry and bitter and hiding those layers of hurt deeply under the surface, scorning all attachment and serious relationships because she knows she can't trust them. she outwardly distances herself from her childhood self by changing her name but she IS still just such a child inside.

she's not ready to settle, to grow up, to become what everyone in her tiny village wants her to be, thinks that she should be — so when she gets the chance to GO, of course she takes it. but she's also not just going to let the doctor off the hook for [gestures] her entire life, you know? the exchanges "people always say that" "i'm not people, do i even look like people?" | "people always have a reason" "do i look like people?" "Yes." always just GUT ME. she may trust him but it's NOT a blind trust, it can't be.

number 3 has to be the beast below it just makes me SCREAM how good that episode is at really developing amy through her compassion for other people — right from the start she sees that kid crying and she thinks the doctor must ignore stuff like this all the time, and she says that she could never do that. she's learning and intuiting leaps and bounds about the doctor with everything he says to her — which is another one of my favorite amy character traits, the way she is SO quick to pick up on things about other people and analyze them. everything that she picks up about the doctor allows her to KNOW what to do to save the star whale, allows her to be confident in the fact that the star whale wanted to help the whole time. the choice is IN HER HANDS she IS THE HERO <3 as she always should be. you couldn't just stand there and watch people cry! all that pain and misery and loneliness and it MADE IT KIND. i don't care how overused that quote is it still HITS !!!

um. number 4 is the girl who waited but my very specific headcanon-ridden interpretation and cutting out all that garbage "rory's the most beautiful man i've ever met" "defying destiny causality the nexus of time itself for a boy" bullshit. idk there's so many terrible things about this episode but it also gave me so much to think about when it comes to amy it's on my mind a LOT. one thing i think about is the way it parallels amy's first abandonment by the doctor — not just in the obvious sense but in the way that she's actively fighting for her life in a hostile atmosphere, but nobody else SEES it as a hostile atmosphere. the two streams facility is leadworth like it really is. and what adds a more chilling component is the way the handbots signature line is "do not be alarmed, this is a kindness" — like all the people who were trying to convince amy she was crazy throughout her entire childhood really thought they were doing her a kindness. they thought they were helping her. but they were killing her. because she wasn't made for that environment.

beyond that i am just obsessed with 36-years-later amy she is an icon she is a legend she is the moment i don't care! every mean thing she said about the doctor and rory was absolutely deserved and in fact she should have been so much meaner! she is SO SMART she makes her own SONIC PROBES OUT OF CAMERA PHONES the fact that she even was able to SURVIVE THAT LONG and in COMPLETE isolation and still retain her own mental faculties is just insane to me it speaks so much about her insane mental strength oh my god it makes me sooo emotional i am tearing up a little typing this right now.

i just am always THINKING about the line "there he is, the voice of god. number one lesson: survive, because no one's coming for you. you taught me that" it says SO MUCH about her. oh my god older amy didn't want to die she'll be kicking and screaming and fighting til the end… i fucking hate this show and picking and choosing when paradoxes should apply OLDER AMY DESERVED TO LIVE

number 5 is probably the power of three but my own very headcanon infused interpretation of it. because it's like. the ultimate miscommunication/misunderstanding that exists between amy and the doctor coming to a head. where amy in 7.02 is like "i can't not wait for you, even now. (…) we think you're weaning us off you" (that line always makes me slow exhale … the phrasing of the doctor as a drug) and the doctor keeps insisting that's not true, "you'll be there until the end of me" "or vice versa" (and they have that loaded held stare and you know they're both thinking about what he said to her before he left in the god complex…)

but it's not until this episode where amy starts to actually believe he means it. at the same time she's spent so much TIME preparing for the inevitable moment where the doctor says goodbye and doesn't say hello ever again that she's not willing to fully hope that the doctor really means it when he says that he would never leave her permanently on purpose. and i love that this episode gives amy a lot of space to verbally communicate her emotions because the later pond episodes SORELY LACK THAT. and amy tells him, don't be nice to me, don't stop coming around just because you think that's the kind thing to do. even though she says herself that she doesn't know if she can have "both" — she knows that she can tell the doctor to stay, in her own way, and that he'll listen.

ideally they would have just gone off traveling together forever after that and the angels take manhattan did not happen but unlike what the doctor says about amy, i don't ever get what i want 🙃

also, this episode gave amy friends that weren't rory or the doctor or river so i love it for that on principal <3 i know amy had fun being the bridesmaid at laura's lesbian wedding. and kate!!

( i do hate that this episode ends with that conversation between brian and the doctor. i hate brian as a character and i will forever. won't get into this right now but OUGH )

honestly this list is kind of wobbly and might change if you asked me in a month so i'll just rattle off other favorite episodes / moments real quickly: the good night minisode (it counts!), RIVER SONG DIDN'T GET IT ALL FROM YOU SWEETIE (timeline frozen amy my beloved!), "i remember it so it happened so i did it," vincent and the doctor specifically when vincent tells amy that he hears the song of her sadness…. ow, i could write a whole other essay about amy's choice and how it is so much more complex than people give it credit for but this post is already so goddamn long

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 15

post directory

em: viola teas i am like. incapable of sleeping in

em: i woke up 10:30 on the dot and i thought. what the fuck

em: 10:30 is especially offensive bc it means the mcdonald’s breakfast is done

obsetress: brain immediately said viola up and about doing all the chores vacuuming with no sympathy for her constantly sleeping in snoring girlfriend dani clayton

obsetress: but nah i'm sorry for you that sucks

em: inspiring deranged viola behaviour is

em: the greatest gift of all

obsetress: god so true when u think about it

obsetress: not that viola vacuums, she def has cleaners but

obsetress: actually no

obsetress: she has cleaners but she's prob not satisfied and gets out her expensive vacuum she has no idea how to use and is clattering n making such a fuss

obsetress: and poor dani

em: she’s up and about rearranging things, she’s causing a ruckus,

obsetress: dani's like "you have just as bad insomnia as me and you're just... getting up? that early?"

obsetress: viola shrugs "i don't need that much sleep"

obsetress: "you do, though"

obsetress: she shrugs and disappears into the kitchen

obsetress: insomniac gf and insomniac gf

em: insomnia gfs

em: viola runs on like

em: supernatural element carrying over: viola is a little too good at running on no sleep and no one knows if she ages

obsetress: YEAH

em: i love a sorta, grounded real life show w like one or two unexplained ambiguously supernatural things that no one blinks at

obsetress: i was gonna be like

obsetress: i wonder what dani and viola do when theyre up not sleeping at night and then i was like

obsetress: Well,

obsetress: no they do that but they also do the most random borderline unhinged shit like

obsetress: dani tries new baking recipes and they sit on the countertop in their pjs or underwear or nothing and eat scones at three am

em: go for night drives

em: night drives aren’t even unhinged but they’re nice

em: but they don’t listen to music they listen to fucken podcasts

obsetress: that fuckin lorde song

[em note: it's supercut]

obsetress: they go to the roof and dani lays her head in viola's lap and stares at the stars while viola reads to her in french

obsetress: ugh i put it on oh god why did i put it on

[em note: it's still supercut]

obsetress: in my head.........

obsetress: i do everything right............

obsetress: when you call............

obsetress: i'll forgive and not fight.............

obsetress: ours are the moments.........i play in the dark OH MY GOD VI'S INSOMNIA AFTER DANI LEAVES AND SHES ALONE

em: ur a MONSTER

obsetress: i need to lay on the floor and put this song on repeat

obsetress: anyway um

obsetress: another thought from when i was thinking about the vacuum like

obsetress: viola has a degree of learned helplessness that all rich people have but she's not an idiot like the rest of them yknow and i think like

obsetress: she had to do a lot when she and perdita were kids!

obsetress: after her mom died

em: hannah......

obsetress: and then after her dad died before she married arthur and like

obsetress: then being a single mom (viola lloyd single mom i'm drooling) even w all the help she can afford

obsetress: she has a chip on her shoulder and Does Things For Herself but also just

obsetress: sometimes it happens! there's never enough time and never enough help!

obsetress: and she loves isabel so much like

obsetress: viola making isabel her lunches

obsetress: oh god

em: making her little lunches at like 2am bc it’s been a busy day and she’s tired and she’s sore and she’s sad but the one thing viola will never skip is like

em: making sure isabel gets her lunches

em: hey what is wrong with us

obsetress: GOD YEAH

obsetress: EXACTLY

obsetress: HOW DID YOU KNOW I WAS THINKING ABOUT HER MAKING THEM AT TWO AM UGH

obsetress: anyway um yeah viola making isabel her lunches at two am

obsetress: i know that i wrote jamie leaving flora notes on her napkins but like

[em note: read 'and she taught me a lesson alright']

obsetress: i just think it's something a mom who really loves her kid and wants them to feel safe and okay would do so i want to say vi does it for isabel too!!! and what of it they're different universes it's fine

em: ur just building the hannah obsetress cinematic universe

em: building up some Themes and Motifs

obsetress: themes motifs and symbols

obsetress: anyway viola packing isabels lunches she writes little notes and puts on lipstick n kisses them

obsetress: so isabel can get a kiss from her mom

em: im going to kill u w my bare hands

obsetress: cut to vi in the bathroom wiping it off later à la jennifer check

em: im GONNA

obsetress: sometimes when vi has to go out of town for business or w/e she leaves a stack of napkins with arthur to put in isabel's lunch so she can still get a kiss from her mom even when she's gone

em: thats so extra??

em: its so viola

obsetress: exactly

obsetress: she definitely has a fear of isabel favoring arthur over her (abandonment issues etc etc)

obsetress: gestures at canon

—-

em: dani 'its casual' taylor

obsetress: leave the typo

obsetress: dont you dare change it

em: i need u to know that i DO fuck but

em: hgfngjkyhGJBJKFHD FUCK

em: ruined my own joke

obsetress: in the most spectacular way

em: dani 'i need you to know i DO fuck but im accepting offers' clayton

obsetress: she takes care to drop that like

obsetress: it's just casual SHE'S not anything serious. i'm not dating HER or anything

obsetress: jamie's like dani i know you're gay you literally stare at my lips every time i talk

em: dani getting off the phone and dramatically rolling her eyes like 'ex girlfriends, am i right? whats up with these women i-' and jamies like love i get it

obsetress: jamie raising her eyebrows "how many ex girlfriends do you have"

obsetress: dani's like "well, just the one, but"

em: but i COULD have more. if i wanted to. bc i am looking to date more women

em: jamies like ok cool

obsetress: jamie, a little too casually: oh? any, uh. prospects?

em: danis like (patented nervous dani lip bite) maybe but

em: jamies like drat

em: jamies like darn

em: and then she gets home and shes like

em: wait

obsetress: jamie calling dani back "when you said maybe"

obsetress: and dani immediately is like yEAH?

em: jamies like do you think you could ever be interested in me and danis like umm. yeah.

em: jamie hangs up like ok cool

em: long beat

obsetress: oh my GOD

em: REDIALS

---

obsetress: ok last thing i was gonna say

obsetress: i meant to say this earlier and got distracted a hundred times over

obsetress: but um imagine dani helping isabel with her english homework

obsetress: vi helping isabel with her math homework

em: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

em: SOFT

obsetress: well,

em: oh no

obsetress: isabel needing help w her english homework post dani and vi's trying to help and vi's smart n all but

em: get HELP

---

em: dani 'hooking up w my ex is actually a v girlboss of me' is SO funny to me

em: when they get together danis like, oh but havent we all- and jamies like nooo i have very good boundaries

em: except for the perdi vi psychosexual power play ig

obsetress: moment of weakness

obsetress: who wouldn't want to hook up w their hot boss

—

obsetress: when dani goes up to london whatever weekend like friday night to get her closure dinner with vi

obsetress: boom haircut and therapy reveal

em: 3 day bender u say

obsetress: all of a sudden it's sunday night and

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: they spend

obsetress: all fucking weekend

obsetress: in vi's bed

em: sighs dreamily

obsetress: dani playing with her hair

obsetress: "this is nice"

obsetress: "i'm gonna miss your bun though"

obsetress: vi's brain is short circuiting at "i'm gonna miss"

em: later danis like look. jamie. what would you have done? and jamie chokes on her beer and splutters 'not fuck my ex for 3 days straight?!'

obsetress: dani "well you've never fucked v–– oh wait"

obsetress: "you really can't blame me, jamie, you KNOW" jamie: (grumbles)its different... dani: well i mean i guess, technically, you didnt,

obsetress: unrelated in some bad fight at the end vi is like "you can't go isabel needs a–– you're like her–––" and dani's like "a what? say it" and viola's too stubborn and proud and hurt to say it

em: just perpetually bouncing back to the worlds angstiest break up

obsetress: i don't know WHY

obsetress: as someone who HATES ANGST

obsetress: i am so DRAWN to these two

em: its ummmm weirdly cathartic??

em: the whole exes au is based on a joke about them being friends and exes. we are v firm in like. viola and dani reconcile!

em: idk i love a catharsis moment! i love it when a character claws their way to happiness. or even begrudgingly goes to therapy

em: viola can go through a little hell as a treat

obsetress: turns out the only one who could fix her in the end

obsetress: was the one who said it's not my job to fix you

em: dani transformative power of (platonic) love

obsetress: "Platonic"

[kyber-heart]

Ashes to Ashes

This is a fic about my Sith Warrior Matai Shayn returning to his homeworld of Ziost after it’s destruction at the hands of Vitiate

Warnings for minor character death, depictions of death, slight body horror, implied and referenced homophobia. If there’s anything else I should tag please let me know!

This is actually a pretty old fic, I think I wrote it in like.. 2017 or something. I was still in college at the time so it was a while ago. I kinda cringe at it but, idk come laugh at me, with me. If it’s outright awful I’ll take it down lmao.

Desolate. That’s the only way Lord Matai Shayn could describe his homeworld of Ziost as he saw it now from the cockpit of the Imperial Shuttle. One standard week had gone by since ‘The Event’ when former Emperor Vitiate destroyed the planet through some kind of Sith sorcery. The planet had been laid bare with no life left on the planet, or so the preliminary scans had stated. Matai stared at the landscape moving past him as the ship hurtled towards the Galactic Solutions Industries research camp. The snowy rock valleys that had once been so beautiful, were now gray. Barren. Lifeless. The ground looked as though it were scorched and the sky was gray with the occasional sunlight peeking through. Sith Temples that dotted the landscape, remnants from the time of Ajunta Pall, were the only objects left around the site. He remembered traversing them as a child with Uma Shayn, his mother. She had been a lead researcher and historian with the Imperial Reclamation Service. Uma had taken her son with her on several expeditions across the planet and other Imperial systems. She taught him the history of The Empire and of their lineage. It was a badge of pride for the Shayns being a part of the few remaining ‘True Sith’, the red skinned, sharp featured humanoids who originated on Korriban. Uma had explained to him that Ajunta Pall established Ziost as a colony world, filled with members of their race and until The Event, had been strongly populated by Sith People.

‘We are a dying blood Matai. Generations of war and breeding with the Humans who call themselves Sith have left our people in decline. We need to protect our heritage, save our history. If ever there comes a time when our people cease to exist, we must show the Galaxy that we were here.’ Uma had told him once while excavating a tomb of an ancient Sith Lord.

As Matai looked at the wasteland before him, he couldn’t help but think bitterly that the chances of his species survival had been greatly diminished. He approached the GSI Camp and as he flew closer, the rock crag which housed the capital city of Ziost, New Adasta came into view. A lump formed in his throat as he looked at it. From this distance, all he could make out was the rocky mesa with few visible structures, one being the impressive People’s Tower. In the distance, he could just make out the sight of the Sith Citadel, one of the old Fortresses. The lump that had formed in his throat making his breathing labored and swallowing near impossible. His life had been in that crag. He thought about the people that had been lost, the friends and the family who were all likely dead now. The weight of this journey was already affecting him but he needed to persevere. He needed to see this for himself. A knocking on the exit hatch of the shuttle ripped him from his thoughts.

“Sir, are you alright?” A mechanical voice spoke from outside.

Matai stood from the pilot’s seat with as much resolve and dedication to his endeavor as he could muster. He adjusted his robe around him and strolled to the ship’s exit. Opening the hatch he was met with the sight of a research camp, populated by droids. A protocol droid stood at the end of the ramp, its silver plating dulled by dirt.

“You are Lord Matai Shayn correct?” it asked in a tone programmed to resemble pleasantness. “My records show you were scheduled to arrive approximately thirty minutes ago.”

“I am, my apologies for my tardiness.” Matai stopped his sentence there. Not willing to explain to the Artificial Intelligence that he had hesitated in arriving and wanted to take his time. He also felt unwilling to put the effort into making an excuse for the machine.

“My records also state that you wish to explore the ruins of New Adasta, this is also correct?” it went on, oblivious to the slight wince on Matai’s face at the mention of the word ‘ruins’.

“Yes that is correct” he stated, this conversation was irritating him. His eyes began to wander to the other machines scanning pieces of biological matter. His eyes found a tree that had been sapped of life.  He could hear the droid speaking though he wasn’t listening to the words only the odd word here and there. ‘Danger’, ‘unstable’, ‘shifting’, ‘missing research probes’ none of it felt important to him

“Do you understand sir?”

This drew the Sith Lord’s attention back to the droid

“Yes, I think I can manage. Though I thank you for the warning. Is there anything else?” He asked impatiently

“Yes.” It chirped happily “On behalf of Galactic Solutions Industries, we hope you have a pleasant day”

Matai almost crushed the droid. It took all of his strength to walk away. While logically he understood the droid was following it’s programming, it certainly wasn’t something he wanted to hear. That emotionless, blunt attitude that droids often had irritated him. He began striding to the GSI Speeders on the other side of the camp. Matai felt uncomfortable with his current emotionally volatile state. It was unlike him to be so testy or prone to needless violence. He embraced his passions like any Sith would and he certainly enjoyed the thrill of combat. Taking his rage out on a machine programmed to do its job however, that was unlike him. He approached the speeders and mounted one. Activating the engine, he took off across the dead world. As he drove he noticed the wreckage of several ships, mostly Imperial as well as a Republic walker. The ground was covered in ash and the bike’s repulsors kicked up clouds of it. An unusual shape caught Matai’s attention however and he slowed down to a halt. He was looking at an Ice Tromper, though it looked completely fossilized. Its fur was gone and the body was as black as coal. It stood on its feet and was faced towards Matai. He considered that it had died instantly, without even the time to fall down. The Sith found strange comfort in the belief that it had died quickly. The reports had said that there was no life on the planet. Faced with the Ice Tromper, Matai began to wonder if it were true. He tried to use the Force to sense any possible life that might still exist but all he could feel was the cold sensation of fear, pain and death. The scars of the dark side. He felt as though he was back on Korriban, as an acolyte, exploring the tombs in the Valley of The Dark Lords. Tombs were dark, cold and eerily silent. One of the things that struck him about Ziost now, was the quiet. The only occasional noise was of some light wind that blew but it was not frequent. 

It took him only a short time to get to New Adasta. His progress was brought to a halt when he came upon a tram sitting idle on the tracks which lead up to the Central District. He dismounted the speeder and strolled to it. Opening the rear hatch to the last cart he stepped inside. The sight that greeted him was horrific. Bodies littered the cart, some in seats or fallen to the floor. Matai wanted to vomit, barely able to look at them. He knew that he should have expected to see these things but it felt as though there was no preparation for this. Walking through the cart he saw that some of the bodies looked as though they had been killed in the act of escaping. The windows on the left side had been broken and some bodies looked to be trying to climb out of the windows. One corpse he noted looked to have been trying to reach for something, though extended left arm was missing from the bicep. Ash lay beneath the arm. All innocents, all good and loyal Imperials, betrayed by their Emperor. It sickened Matai. How could the Emperor have killed so many of his people? People who had believed in and worshiped him. People like Matai had once been.

One aspect of learning the history of the Sith, was learning what worked, and what didn’t in their society. The level of backstabbing and reckless displays of power had never failed to earn Matai’s annoyance. He remembered as recently as the Siege of Corellia in the last war. A moment that should have strengthened The Empire, undermined by the likes of Darths Thanaton and Baras. They had squandered military resources into their own fights caring only for their petty power plays and not that of The Empire. Sith loved their strength because it gave them Power. Matai had learned that lesson from a very young age. His Father, Abal had been an instructor at the New Adasta Sith Academy. A smaller institute but a prestigious one. Matai had trained there, under his own father’s tutelage for the first years of his training.

‘Remember that the path to power is built on strength Matai. We Sith embrace strength and do not shy away from power.’ Abal’s words rang true, Matai believed, though he firmly believed that there was something wrong in that system, where the Empire suffered by the Sith pursuit of Power. Abal, unlike Uma had been a harsher man. A Lord of The Sith, a title which Matai inherited. Abal had spent his life teaching the Sith ways to acolytes. He remembered when The Dark Council had allowed non-humans into the Academies. Abal had ranted over dinner that the Dark Council should have been purged for treason and heresy. Matai had never agreed with with his father’s conservative view, through he never attempted to confront his father about it. He had often stayed silent to avoid the conflict, even as his father began arranging Matai’s marriage. They had been nice girls, but it wasn’t what Matai had wanted. He actively did everything he could to avoid the topic and worm his way out of meetings and turning the girls away. It annoyed his father but Matai could live with that. 

Entering New Adasta he could see the Central District in ruins with bodies covering the ground. The cave was scarcely lit save for the occasional street light flickering though it wasn’t much help and there was a constant mist in the city. He passed by a cantina where a neon sign showed the image of a twi’lek dancing, it spluttered and cut out periodically as it moved. He walked into a park which resembled a burned and salted field. Chairs, trees and the occasional statue littered the ground. He knew this park. It had been where had been taken on his first date. Alec Garn. The fifth son of an Imperial Officer, possibly one of the most beautiful people Matai had ever seen. They had come to this park after getting some caff. The Trees had been in bloom and the grass had been kept clean and neat. They had talked, about everything and about nothing. Alec had wanted to be a pilot, his family had a long history of naval service. Matai had joked that he would make Alec a captain if he wanted, with his own squad of whoever he wanted. A silly statement really, Matai didn’t have that kind of authority nor would he. They had laughed and when the laughter fell silent they had shared a kiss. Matai placed his hand on one of the benches. The memory stung. He had not thought of Alec in some years and to now see their park ruined stung him.

Matai had crossed the city and came to the apartment complex where his parent’s home was. He entered the building and began to ascend the stair case. He had assumed the elevator would be unusable. The building was dark, though the emergency lights lit the building in a red glow. He reached the seventeenth floor. Only two Apartments were built on this level, though they were far larger than those below. While the Shayns had not had vast amounts of money, they had more than enough to get by and live a life of great comfort. Matai stood at the door of apartment 93 his mind running through what he would find beyond the door. He closed his eyes. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest and the lump returning to his throat. He began to tell himself that he had to do this, steeling himself for what awaited him.

He pressed the button and the door slid open, but only half way giving a short screech. Matai laughed softly, more out of nervousness that anything else. Of course, something as ridiculous as this would have to happen. He could see partially into the apartment, it was mostly dark and he could make out very little. Squeezing himself through the gap of the Doorway he walked tentatively further into the hallway. It was a long, wide corridor filled with many objects. Some statues stood

tall along the wall along with other oddities that his mother had collected over the years. Things that she wasn’t exactly supposed to take, but did anyway. His mother had always been a free spirit She did what she wanted but unlike other Sith she strived never to hurt others in her pursuits. He always admired her for that. On one wall Matai had to stop and double back. It was a portrait of his family, painted with actual inks and pigments on an actual canvas. It depicted Abal at the back with Uma seated in front of him on a luxurious chair, Matai himself stood beside his mother, Abal’s hand rested on his right shoulder. His Father looked stern but there was still a hint of a smile on his face. His mother held that soft look only a mother has, something he remembered about her well. He reckoned that he was barely five years old at the time this was painted. In fact he didn’t even remember it being painted but he remembered the portrait always being here. Except for when it wasn’t.

It had happened soon after his date with Alec, they had been in the apartment. They had been making out on the luxurious sofa that sat in the living room. His parents had been out at a party and Matai had been confident he would be able to invite Alec to his home and for him to leave before they returned. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of his relationship but he knew Abal would disapprove. As their night had gone on the pair had becoming steadily more intimate. Matai could still remember the feeling of pure dread as his parents returned home to find him in a very unflattering position. Uma had stayed mostly quiet after the initial shock had passed, though Abal had never been more vocal, even after Alec had gathered his clothes and left.

‘My Son will not disgrace us by whoring out to some Imperial! A man no less!” he had spat venomously.

Matai had sat on the couch, covered in a robe and sat silently as his Father spat at him.

“You would disgrace your family like this?! Would you?” he had demanded

His mother sat worriedly across from him in a chair identical to the one in the portrait. He looked to her pleadingly. She looked at him softly a sad smile trying to form on her face. What had happened next was a blur. Matai had been brought to his knees as his father’s fist balled into his hair.

“WOULD YOU?!” He yelled

Matai could see that Uma had jumped to her feet with her hands on Abal’s arm “Abe!” she pleaded.

His Father had let go of him and stormed out into the hallway. Uma knelt to Matai. They looked at each other but as they did, they both jumped at the sound of a Lightsaber activating. They both bolted for the hallway. Matai was a head of his mother and saw first what had happened. Abal had sliced the portrait where Matai had been depicted. Behind him his mother gasped “Abal! What are you doing?!” She demanded but Matai knew the answer.

“I will not have my son whoring around with pathetic Imperials. He’s going to Korriban and training with my friends in the Academy!”

That night Matai had left for Korriban to finish his studies and the rest was history. He had risen above even his family’s wildest expectations and become The Empire’s Wrath. After that night however, Abal rarely spoke to his son. He stayed in frequent contact with Uma. Years later he met with his parents again on Dromund Kaas and began to mend fences. It had been slow and he wasn’t sure his father was completely happy with how he was living his life, but the fact that they had talked had been progress. Matai stared at the picture for a few moments. He hadn’t known they had it remade. He was happy that he had reconnected with his parents before they died. With that thought he realized that he needed to move.

He walked slowly into the living room. It was brighter than the hallway as the far wall was mostly a glass window. This however did little to improve the lighting of the apartment as outside was mostly dark. Matai’s eyes were becoming slightly more adjusted. He walked forward through the decorative arch that led to the main room. As he approached the circular couch arrangement in the middle of the room his heart sank. He could feel tears burn his eyes and his legs grow weak. No matter how much he tried to prepare for this, nothing could. In the middle of the room, seated on the couches were two figures. One was larger, clearly a man, his arms were wrapped around the second smaller figure who in turn clung to the larger. Both were unrecognizable in their charred, lifeless state. But Matai knew. Uma and Abal Shayn, his mother and father.

Matai couldn’t help himself. He sank to his knees before them and tears began to fall. He could not take his eyes off them. He reached up to touch his mother’s face. As his fingers grazed her cheek, the ash began to break loose and fall from the rest of her form. Matai just stared for a moment. He looked at his gloved hand, although still difficult to see through the tears, he was able to see the dust that coated his fingertips. His mouth a gap he just looked at it and then to his parents’ lifeless forms. The room was utterly silent until the only living thing began to yell.

He yelled at the top of his lungs. A flurry of emotions swelled in him, pain, anger, betrayal.

The people he loved the most were dead thanks to Vitiate. He didn’t think he could hate a being more than he hated Vitiate.

He thought that if their ‘glorious Emperor’ had never sought to gain more power Ziost would still be safe. His parents would be safe. His home would be safe.

He kept kneeling and stared at the dark navy carpet.

He felt a burning in his chest. Not of sadness or pain, though they certainly fueled it. This burn was of reinvigorated passion.

He stood and searched the apartment to find some containers. He eventually found some that he deemed large enough and walked back to the forms of his parents. He began to gently gather the ashes of his parents and place them into the boxes as best as he could. It was inelegant and it turned Matai’s stomach that he was forced to desecrate his parents like this. Anger burned through him he did. When he was satisfied that he had been able to collect their ashes and store them in the boxes, he stood once more to go to his old bedroom. He was surprised to find how little it had changed since the last time he had been in it. Out of sheer curiosity, he walked to his bedside chest. He opened it and moved some small objects aside, little pieces of rocks, trinkets from tombs, an old set of piercings until he found what he had been looking for. A small holoprojector. He turned it on and it flicked to life. It was a moving holo-vid of his parents and himself at the New Adasta Academy on his day of enrollment. They were all dressed in their best robes. He smiled at the image watching it repeat its five seconds of footage. He fought back the burning sensation of tears that threatened to fall before turning it off. He stowed it in his robe before turning back to the task at hand. At least he would have this memory he thought. He rummaged around in his wardrobe to find a bag large enough to transport the boxes. Eventually he found a leather satchel and returned to the living room. Placing the boxes carefully in the satchel and placing the bag over his shoulder, he stood to leave the apartment. Taking one last look at what was once his home he smiled sadly before using the Force to close the stuck door.

Making his way back down the stairs and back into the street he began to hear something, a rumbling. He turned to his left to see a building begin to collapse. Caught in shock he remembered what the droid had said about shifting ruins and he began to run back towards the direction of the tram. He had gotten about ten paces when he stopped again, at the sound of something louder. Blood chilling. A roar. Matai stood still for a moment before turning around to face the threat. He looked back to see a large creature, with a faint purple aura stomping through the streets slamming against buildings as it walked down streets that were not designed for a creature like this. It looked nearly four or five times larger than Matai himself and it looked almost like a Rancor, but this thing had glistening purple eyes. Matai had no idea what this thing was so he began to run again, faster this time trying to enhance his speed with The Force. The Creature must have been aware of his presence and it followed him as he ran. Matai ran through the door of the tram station and leaped over the turnstiles. Dropping down on to the track he heard a loud crash as The Creature broke through the wall of the station. Matai began to sprint down the tram track. Not relenting The Creature crashed through the turnstiles and leaped on to the track. It followed him down and out of the station, on to the part of the track the led back down the rock crag. As it did, the metal screeched, piercing Matai’s ears causing him to slow somewhat. Suddenly the track gave way under The Creature, the durasteel supports being unable to hold the weight. The track began to separate from the rock wall and fall to the rocky surface below. The Creature fell from the track and it plummeted. Matai dared not look back to see if it had died as the track was still falling apart beneath him. He mustered all of his energy to sprint faster along the falling track.

He had come to the tram he had passed through earlier, though this time instead of going through, Matai used the force to leap on to the Tram and sprint atop the carts. He could still hear the groaning metal as he ran. Coming to the end cart he leaped back down to meet his speeder. Mounting it quickly he took off down the track. As he reached the bottom and the walls that surrounded the crag, he saw the track had fallen almost completely. He felt relief wash over him as he stopped the speeder to look. He glanced back at the City, saying another final goodbye. Deciding that he did not want to wait around to be found by that monster he took off through the rocky wasteland and back to the GSI Camp.

Matai had returned to Dromund Kaas by the evening of the next day. He felt glad to be home, in his new home. He had transferred the Ashes of his parents into urns more elegant and worthy of them, which now stood in the Sith Lord’s library. Matai had been reviewing reports from Ziost both before and after the The Event. He had reported the creature and had been informed they were Monoliths, creations of The Dark Side. After finishing a boring journal article regarding possible rehabilitation of the planet (something he deemed highly unlikely) he stood and looked out of the window of his bedroom. Staring down upon the Imperial Citadel. He considered what Ziost meant for him and for the Empire. The considered the lesson in the destruction of Ziost, about the price of Power and he reached a conclusion. As he thought, the conclusion had become a vow. There would not be another Ziost so along as he could help it. 

[purplesurveys]

813

When was the last time you baked something for someone? It was like 2011 or something. My parents had bought a new oven and my sister and I wanted to ~baptize it by baking cookies. Our cookies honestly didn’t taste like anything but our relatives were really nice to praise us about them anyway.

Do you ever spend the night at random people’s houses? I would never do that, that sounds so dangerous lol. I only ever spend the night at my best friends’.

What did you eat for dinner tonight? Was it any good at all? It was pork in some sort of coconut sauce. It was insanely good but when I asked my dad what it was, he just smiled at me which leads me to think he just experimented and invented the dish lol.

What is the most annoying thing that your parents do? I don’t like it when my mom barges into rooms without knocking and when she’s being fat-phobic and racist. My dad occasionally has brief spurts of being agitated with everyone and he’ll proceed to have comments about every single thing going on around him, and that can get pretty damn annoying.

Would you be mad if your mom showed your boyfriend your baby pictures? If my mom showed my *girlfriend my baby pictures, I wouldn’t be annoyed. I don’t see why I would be, they’re just photos.

Would you say you’re someone who has good manners? Yes. I honestly pride myself on that fact because I’ve seen so many people my age who lack basic manners. I may not be close with my mom but she raised me very well when it comes to this.

When was the last time you went to an amusement park? Which one? I went to a school fair last January if that counts. If we’re talking about legit amusement parks, it was in 2013 when we went to Universal Studios in Singapore and Legoland in Malaysia.

Would you rather be kissed on the neck or on the lips? I’d normally prefer neck, but I haven’t been kissed on the lips for so long that I’d pick that for now.

Do you completely trust the person you’re dating? Very much.

Has someone ever called you heartless before? Why is that? My mom. Idk, she was being her.

What color was the shirt you wore yesterday? Gray, but it had a rainbow heart on the top left side.

Have you ever completely given up on someone any time in life? Kind of, yeah. Very early on I had given up on the possibility of my mom changing her ways and tendencies. Ever since coming to terms with that fact, it’s been easier to tolerate the verbal abuse. I’ve also given up on the possibility of one of my uncles turning his life around for the better, permanently.

What is one thing you’re not looking forward to in the next week? More days of being stuck at home.

Would you consider Christmas your favorite holiday? It is not and it hasn’t been for a very long time.

Would you rather give someone presents or receive them? Receive. I’m perpetually anxious about whether someone likes my gifts or not so giving is always stressful for me; whereas when I receive presents I always, always love them whatever they may be.

How many chances do you normally give someone before giving up on them? One, usually. I’m not very patient with people who mess up lol.

Did you parents know what gender you were before you were born? Yes, but they didn’t decide on a name until the very moment that they had to write down a name while filing for my birth certificate. Ever since they revealed that to me, I’ve always been conditioned to think that my name was a super clutch decision lmao. It’s fine though because I’m happy with my name.

Are any of your really close friends pregnant right now? No, I’m very sure none of them are. Then again, the people I went to high school with who have kids now kept their pregnancies a secret, so I honestly never know who’s currently pregnant.

Are you for or against inter-racial relationships? Anyone who is against it is a traditional asshole.

Would you say you’re more of a pessimist or optimist? Depends on the situation. I can always be either.

Do you know what your true typing speed is? What is it? I mean I’ve taken some tests before and if I bring my A-game I can do 85-95 words per minute. I never have to type that fast in real life though so my average typing speed is probably slightly slower than that.

What would you say is the longest survey you’ve ever taken? I did so many attempts to do the 5000-question survey but I never finished it lol. My longest survey was probably 500 questions back when I had just discovered surveys and wanted to take the longest ones available.

Do you get bored by things really easily, or not so much? I’d say I get bored fast. I think it’s because I’ve never really had good things stick with me for a long time and they’re always taken away from me so soon, so now, whenever I enjoy stuff I think my brain just kinda self-sabotages the whole situation and makes me bored with them so that I can move past them with no problem.

Do you hate it when people pronounce ‘potatoes’ as ‘taters?’ No. I didn’t even know they mean the same thing until right now lol, I just thought taters was some sort of American term.

Have you ever been addicted to something unhealthy? I’ve never been legitimately addicted to anything, no.

Do you wear a lot of make-up on a daily basis? I wear no makeup on a daily basis. < Same.

Who makes the best desserts in your entire family? My uncle Afay. He posts his masterpieces on his Facebook and they allllllways look so good whether it’s cheesecake, dream cakes, cream puffs, crinkles, etc. Sometimes when I heart-react his food posts, he’ll even tell me to drop by his place after school so he can give me some :)

When was the last time your received a hug? Who was this hug from? March 7th. Gabie. This lack of hugs is so not good for me lmao.

Do you have good dreams or nightmares more? I have weird dreams most often. They’re neither good nor bad, it’s just random people showing up doing things I’ll never expect them to do in real life haha.

Would you rather color pictures with markers or crayons? Crayons. Markers use up a lot of ink and I’d feel weird using all that up just to color a picture; I’d rather use markers to simply write stuff.

Do people come to you for advice a lot of the time? Not all the time but I do get a fair amount of that kind of message.

When the holidays come around, do you watch holiday movies? Not always. I watch them year-round. Would you say you’re a friendly person or not so much? I’m friendly with everybody but I hold back to a certain extent. At the end of the day I still choose which people I wanna be my true self, or show my true personality, with.

Have you ever / do you ever recycle? Sometimes, though out of the 3R’s I do reduce the most.

When was the last time you ate something from Burger King? Sometime shortly before the quarantine. I think it was in February.

When someone mentions a song, does it make you wanna listen to it? Only if it’s a song I already know and like.

Do you usually talk more than you should about things? Yep, have a pretty big mouth. I’ve been scolded for it more than once.

Who is the nosiest person you know? Do you like them anyways? Mils can be such a social climber and always wants to be in the know about everything so that she can understand references and look cool. Idk, it’s hard to like her because she tries so hard. I’m always nice to her though because she hasn’t done anything bad to me.

When did you last talk to one of your teachers? Like...from high school? Man, I have no clue. The day of my graduation, probably. I noped the fuck out of that place and out of that culture the second I got my diploma.

How many class periods does your school have? What are the classes? We have hundreds of classes in my university so it’ll be impossible and incredibly time- and space-consuming to list them all down. During the time I was in high school we had English, Filipino, Math (a different specialization for every year), Social Studies/History (same as math), Science (same thing), Christian Living Education (because Catholic school lol), Philosophy in senior year, Health, Home Economics/Accounting, Homeroom, and some local class where we were basically taught how to be charitable to the less fortunate (because again, Catholic school). I don’t know if I was able to recall all the classes but that’s a good chunk of them. We typically had 7-8 classes in a day that would last 45 minutes each.

Would you say you’re a faster or slow learner? Depends on what I’m learning. For instance, I’m quick at learning stuff that can be memorized or read from a book like history, law, biology, etc. but you’ll have to be incredibly patient with me when it comes to teaching me something like sewing or origami.

Are you one of those people who like The Nightmare Before Christmas? I’ve never seen it.

Do you fully understand the concept of ‘love?’ Probably not yet. I have an idea of it now, but that can always change. After all, I’m still incredibly young and have lots of unknown lessons yet to pick up.

[alphabees-writes]

Glee - S1 E3 (Acafellas)

“I’m excited to watch this one, only because I remember actually really liking the Acafellas covers? Let’s see how hard I cringe now!

I’d have to guzzle wine if I had to have dinner with Terri too, Will’s mom...

“Oh it’s just hamburger casserole! Look out for bones.” Lucky for you she likes her casserole boneful!

Sign #8 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Deciding to announce Terri’s pregnancy to his parents WELL before the 12 week standard, without asking her first. He literally springs it on her. Yeah she’s awful, but so is he right now!

“I started at Zuckerman and Zuckerman while I was in college” Alternate timeline where Lauren Zises and Puck start a business together confirmed?

Is it mean of me to be distracted by how HUGE Will’s dad’s ears are...?

Theme of the day: Placating William Schuester’s ego

Quinn calling Rachel “sweetie” even though it’s dripping with sarcasm just makes my Faberry bones jingle

The way Quinn says “Did you ever perform Mr Schuester?” is a god damn SMACK! DOWN! 

Emma roasting John Stamos, who will be her husband in about a season’s time, is golden

Will spends too much time in Emma’s office. Aren’t the students meant to have appointments? There’s no way there’s a single school in the world where the counselling service isn’t totally overwhelmed with a mile long waiting list

The “For he’s a jolly good fellow” scene is me and my sister every time we hang out

Will turning into the camera to kick off “THIS IS HOW WE DO IT” is one of the better transitions on this show, honestly

This is one of the few occasions I actually like Matt Morrison’s delivery a lot. He genuinely sounds like he has no idea how awkward this group would be to watch...

Ahh... Nothing squicks me out quite like the face of William Schuester when he knows he’s about to get some coochie

Sign #9 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Rachel and Quinn tell him his dance moves are old fashioned, and he starts being completely absent in rehearsals... Very professional of you William

The way he says “whatever” to Rachel makes me want to throw him into a bonfire

“Do you see anybody else in here with a plate of ‘I’m sorry’ cookies? BOOM! Smack DOWN!

Again, Finn just straight up not knowing what anything is is making my god damn day

Of COURSE she’s still upset Finn, you bozo! YOU PULLED A KISS-NUT-RUN!

How Many Times Can We Fit The Word Guts Into One Episode Challenge

Quinn and Santana are filling Sue in, but Brittany’s missing. I like to think she’s lost.

Wow for a while I forgot Santana and Puck were ever a thing... Can I re-forget it?

How can Mercedes look at Kurt in THAT jacket and think “yeah, that’s a heterosexual right there” I just. I can’t

Mercedes: Have you ever kissed anybody? Kurt: Yes. If by someone you mean the tender crook of my eLbOw... I’ve never wanted to be an elbow before wow!

Kurt and Mercedes reminding one another that they’re the best people within a 100 mile radius? Perfect.

“Every moment of your life is an opportunity for fashion” is a GREAT philosophy until you’re me and have about as much style as a dumpster raccoon

POISON! I hate that I actually like this cover...

You ready Ken? I’m ready. You ready Oooooonrie? I’m ready Will, are you?  Like, just pull the plug RIB

I can’t complain about how supportive Will’s parents are tbh it’s kinda wholesome?

Why was Figgins at this random acapella show...? Nice of him to show up anyway

“Is it too late to call Will Schuester the next Micheal Buble?” YES. Don’t sully the name of Mr Christmas himself

Oh wow. They really dragged Josh Groban into this! I nearly forgot...

MERCEDES LOOKS CUTE AS HELL IN THOSE SUSPENDERS!!! AND TINA’S WEARING THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SHIRT??? GIRLS!!!

Ah, the form-fitting sweaters that stop at the knee... Where would we be without them? Well, idk, if Burt Hummel was in charge apparently we’d all have nice cars

Kurt bb you have no idea you’re being asked out do you??? Bless your heart. Also poor Mercedes, she thinks he said yes...

I’m sorry, but NO car wash is going to raise you $8000. I don’t care if you’re washing those cars with caviar, it’s just not gonna happen!

Sign #10 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Henri ends up in the ER because he’s been chugging cough syrup like it’s Redbull and all he cares about is not being able to twerk for Josh Groban :/

Imagine seeing an ad for the Acafellas on fucking craigslist. Sign up now, feet pics optional!

Sign #11 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: Belittles Finn for wanting to quit glee, while completely ignoring and neglecting glee.

Imagine your high school Spanish teacher holding you back after class to ask you to join his acapella band ._.

Puck join glee for MILFs and ONLY for MILFs. That’s all he wanted

Santana told Puck she ended it over his credit score but really it was all the heterosexuality

Oh god for a second I thought the first cougar was Santana’s mother I nearly flipped

“I also stopped beating people up so much” is ICONIC

Hey Ken! Maybe stop grabbing your student like that? Thanks! fuckhead

“My BOWELS have better moves than you” God damn it. I want to hate Puck, and I think we all know why, but... I love this character. 

ThAt BaSeBaLl ThInG sUrE wAs GoOd Mr ScHuE!

I know this isn’t the point of this scene, but I NEED to see Kurt just walking around school in a corset. Just chilling in his lessons like that? Icon.

Mercedes asking Kurt to be her boyfriend is PAINFUL but also I fucking love her confidence? She knows what she wants! It’s just a shame she vandalises his car right after :/ 

Kurt’s FACE when Mercedes says “Rachel?!” He can’t believe he lucked out like that oh my goodness

SHE SMASHED THE WINDOW. HIS FACE OH MY GOD. Why are all the half-naked Cheerios polishing the busted car now 

Amber busts some MOVES for this number... She kills it. I mean, don’t smash cars up kids, but if you do make sure you know your choreography for after!

It must’ve been so much fun to smash up that car for the dance oh my goodness. Did they have to shoot that in one take? Or did they just have a line of Navigators out back? RIB will never wear form-fitting sweaters that stop at the knee ever again...

“Well you busted my heart!” Ok Mercedes but like... He didn’t put a fucking ROCK through it he just doesn’t know what dates are???

Mercedes sticks up for Artie, and then Kurt sticks up for them both when Dakota Stanley starts being a bitch... They’re wonderful friends! So proud of them

Ok he’s a little gremlin man but “I feel like a WOODLAND CREATURE!” is still something I quote

I know Rachel’s nose is a recurring thing but... It’s not a bad nose? Like, at all? It suits her perfectly, and it’s not noticeably large?

Will you really don’t need to be that close to fix Finn’s tie. In fact, you don’t need to fix it at all?

I know you’re not gonna sing THAT song!

They did NOT pay Josh Groban enough for any of this. Especially not “Josh Groban loves a blousy alcoholic”

“I’m a teacher... And a really good one” Are you, Mr Schue? Are you?

The look on Kurt’s face when he comes out to Mercedes... You can see the panic there. His eyes. Oh god. And then she ACCEPTS HIM because HE’S WONDERFUL THE WAY HE IS and she’s a GOOD FRIEND!!! Oh god he’s tearing up I’m going to cry...

Although I’m not 100% in love with the way she implies that telling everybody in the glee club is as simple as being true to himself. He’s not ashamed, Mercedes, he’s terrified... Although I know her heart is in the right place. She just wants him to know they’ll accept him at the end of the day!

He’s crying... My baby boy...

Sue permanently has old Cheerios footage playing on the TV in her office, because of course she does!

Quinn can say Sue taught her that lesson, but we all know she learned it from Rachel. With whom she is in love, of course.

Ahh, the first real Faberry moment... Delicious. Finally, some good fucking food!

[snsmissionaries]

4/24/19 -- Sister Nicole Ritman, Spain, Madrid Mission

😎 The Boyz R Back 😎

Subject Line: After not having any for my first transfer, they out two new Elders back in Villalba! The ward is so excited their food calendar is full and ours isn't at all 😭 But it's understandable. But it's been fun to have a team back in Villalba we've already had a few meetings and given them some of our friends.

 ¡Hola a Todos!

 Well handing off some of our friends to the Elders turned to be more difficult than plannned. The first one I thought would be perfect because he always refused to meet in public or in the church with another woman. Those are our safety rules, so we never got to meet with him and I thought it'd be perfect to give him back to the Elders because they originally taught him.

 Wrong decision: He. Flipped. Out. He started furiously texting me (at this point my old comp had left and my new one wasn't here left) so much I couldn't even reply and then started calling me from two different numbers literally and calling me sexist and racist and not a true Christian for not meeting with him any more (I've never even met the guy before!) I told him I'd talk to the Elders and get back to him and he commanded me not to. But I did anyways and so they texted him and he blocked them. Then they called him (Elder Kuhlman recorded the call for evidence) and he went off about how he'd come to church to go up to the pulpit and denounce me and call me out for the evil girl I am. At this point, I had to go to the meeting for trainers and so I told him I had to go and wouldn't reply but he said "You're such a liar- it's lunch time!" lol. What a confidence booster before I met my trainee. (Spoiler: He didn't end up coming to church. Phew.)

 Anyways we left Villalba on Monday night and I said goodbye to H Brumble super early in the morning and she left to the islands. I spent all Tuesday as companions with H Rico who is in San Sebastián de los Reyes (where the mission home and office are) and we literally saw so many miracles in just one and a half days as companions. The first day we went to Atocha (main train station of Madrid) and we helped two Hermanas get train tickets, one Elder from the Barcelona mission use our phone and so he got on the right train, and got the Villalba Elders their keys and phone. 

 Then we went back to Sanse and went contacting and didn't even get rejected once. Not even once! That is the promised land I'm telling ya. We found two new people for them to teach. We also had a lesson that went super well for not having taught together before. 

 Anways back to leaving the crazy guy situation to go to my trainer meeting, I got my hija! Her name is H Pendleton and there's another H Pendleton in her group from AZ but she's the one from Spanish Fork, Utah. 

 We got back late Wed night and on Thursday she had her first cita. It was with a nice, receptive abuelo so I thought it'd go well. We even had a member to accompany us. But the cita was totally crazy and so opposite than the first time. Firstly, he was dying and claimed he hadn't eaten in two days so he had us make him a smoothie and cleaned his kitchen. He had to take a break every 10 seconds to breathe deeply and groan in pain. We thought he might pass out or something. As we were cooking he turned on the radio super loud and it started cussing fuerte in English but luckily he randomly turned it off before I could say something. We went to teach him and then he misunderstood something from the Libro de Mormón and he got into a basically yelling fight with the member and we were just like "uhhhh" but then somehow through the yelling she resolved his doubt and he turned nice again. He showed us his pride and joy-his flower garden and gave us a "Best friend" card so idk lol. What an interesting first cita for mija. 

 The rest of the week was a little fatal because the whole week was holiday bus schedule for Semana Santa and the buses hardly come. It was rainy and kinda rough at first for me to try to get reorganized and everything but things are going better now. 

 The best thing that happened was on Sunday we met with the Elders and Bishop and Bishop wrote notes about everyone in the ward. SO HELPFUL I feel like I actually know what's going on better now. 

 A high of the week would definitely be when we taught a member English and we helped her translate one of her favorite songs into Spanish and just seeing her fall in love with her favorite song again because now she knows the gorgeous lyrics was so rewarding. The more I learn Spanish, the more I learn Spanish and English! 

 I'm really optimistic for training. My hija is really chill and relaxed and dealing with her jet lag really well (I actually napped even longer than her today lol) and she speaks Spanish super super well already. We're excited about working with the ward mission Plan to basically invite the entire world to the new capilla. It's in a different town than where our capilla now is so that's inconvenient but hey sacrifice brings blessings! 

 Os quiero, 

 Hermana Ritman 

 Contact Information

email: nicole.ritman@missionary.org

 Sister Nicole Ritman

Madrid Spain Mission

Avenida de Tenerife, 11

28703 San Sebastian de los Reyes

Madrid, Espana

 Villalba Week 7:https://photos.app.goo.gl/movYqZiU8x8v1M1DA

[mcrololo]

Can I get uhhhhhhh all questions you haven't done already

AHDJSDKKS; oh my god ok

1. describe your idea of a perfect dateThis is gonna sound really fucking cheesy but I’m down to do whatever as long as it’s with the one I like/love. Like you can take me fucking skydiving and I’d think it’s perfect just because I’m with my date. And if we die well at least we died together ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

2. whats your “type”Uhhh, well, I’m a sucker for the ‘too kind for this world’ type. The Really Nice™. The Mom Friend™. Ya know. I also like blondes but that’s just a smol extra.

3. do you want kids?I don’t know. Sometimes I don’t, sometimes I do. It switches, usually when I think about babies. I don’t really like babies, but I love hanging out with kids and I would love to teach them about the good in the world. But you know what? I’m 21. I don’t need to decide that already. 

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?I’m not pooping out a baby, I’ve heard too many horror stories. So it’s either adoption or my girlfriend’s going through hell (that’s up to her).

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)LUKU DON’T LOOK OK. You’re too young for this.I don’t think anyone will ever not be nervous?? Like it’s completely new and especially gay sex is like ??? What the fuck do I do? They never explain that shit anywhere unless you go to specific places I guess. And as someone who has never had any interest in porn, I also didn’t look anything up. I was fucking nervous. I never know what I do and that sure as hell wasn’t an exception. And as a somewhat (at the time (I still sometimes am)) sex-repulsed graysexual, I also didn’t know how I felt about it. Now I like it, but I don’t really like talking about it, which is why I’m probably just rambling bullshit right now. 

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?Definitely night time. I hate mornings so much, I sometimes feel like throwing up when I wake up. It’s wild. 

8. opinion on nap dates?10/10, they’re great

9. opinion on brown eyes?BEAUTIFUL. Eyes are so expressive, no matter the color!

10. dog gay or cat gay?Dog gay (but also cat gay)

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someoneClosedmindedness. If you don’t accept people for who they are, I got no business with you.

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?I grew up with a gay parent, but for some reason for the majority of my childhood and teenage years I was convinced being gay was a choice. bruh.

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self“Just because your dad is gay, doesn’t mean you can’t be gay. It’s in your genes asshole. Also, stay focused on your friendships. They’re 1000% worth it and you’re gonna get something good out of it.” 

(skipping 15 ‘cause i’m a homo)

16. who is an ex you regret?I have one ex and I don’t regret anything. We’re still friends and I still enjoy her company. I’m really glad for that too, because things didn’t get weird and we don’t hate each others guts so that’s super chill. I support her.

17. night club gay or cafe gay?Cafe gay

18. who is one person you would “go straight” forI am an unstoppable gay force. My gayness will never run out and as much as I think some men are attractive, I will never be attracted to one. (no shade, I just never really feel that way about men??)

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?FUCK no don’t make me choose between that?? I guess I should pick video game because I’m a game artist but?? Books and MOVIES MAN

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)Uncovered & Sugarpunch ;) For real though, idk?? All gay ships are good

21. favourite gay youtuberHANNAH HART. I LOVE HER SO MUCH i wish i can meet her one day cause she introduced me to mens wear and im love??? ALSO SHE MAKES FOOD PUNS OK GOALS

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?No, but my first crush was on a bi girl who was more into dudes, does that count? I was literally in love with that girl for two years dang

23. have you ever been in love?I mean, something’d be terribly wrong if I wasn’t. @shikariix​ and I are hitting the 3rd year anniversary next month lol

24. have you ever been heartbroken?You betcha. In more ways than one.

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someoneI am a very simple gay who stays true to myself. If I see a person I like and it’s mutual, I am never letting go (unless, of course, they want to let go). I never think that I want to be someone else? Celine taught me a beautiful life lesson about being yourself, because that’s all you can ever be. 

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gaysGo out there. Explore. Experience. Learn! Have fun! You only got one life and it’s a shame if you can’t live it to the fullest. It’s okay to make mistakes and it’s okay to question things. You’ll find the answers and you’ll find yourself. Just keep looking. 

28. are you out? if so how did you come outOkay so I come out in the most ridiculous ways. I come out with puns. I joke about my sexuality a lot. Most of the times I actually don’t realize I’m outing myself because I assume people already know. Family friends who’ve known me since I was a baby have literally ALL said that they had always known, so that’s why I assume everyone knows I’m gay from day 1.

But coming out for the first time? FUCKING TRAIN WRECK. I was so fucking nervous. My dad was the first one I told and I almost couldn’t, but I don’t know why? He’s gay himself. My mom was even worse. She’s been hurt by my dad, of course, so her view on the whole gay community was whack. On top of that, she always had boyfriends who were anti-gay so I came out to her via facebook lmao. Couldn’t even tell it face to face. And she was so proud? Like, her whole view on gays kinda just switched, which isn’t entirely good but she’s learning and she’s so much more open now. My mom eventually told my grandparents because I was scared out of my mind, but two years later they took me in and a year later they also took in my girlfriend. 

My friends were all super chill ofc. Most of them also went like “I fucking knew it ya big ol’ tomboy lol”. 

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have So, about half a year after I came out as a lesbian, I also kind of discovered I don’t feel much, if any, sexual attraction. Most of the people I tell this are actually super chill about it and ask questions (which I’m fine with, because they’re also learning). But when I told my grandfather, he said “You’re young. You don’t know what you want”. And that fucking hurt. That literally struck me right in my core. I’ve always been a grandfather kid, I’ve always looked up to him, and then he goes and says that shit. 

He eventually learned too. “You’re never too old to learn” was one of the first sayings he’s taught me. I forgave him, and he accepted me. On a lighter note: the day after, I came home from school and my grandmother comes up to me to tell me all about asexuality. She said she’d looked it up and read all about it. I’m assuming my grandfather picked up on this too and that’s why he’s accepted it. I love my grandparents so much.

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexualityI honestly have no idea. I have no experience with that, because I came out as soon as I accepted myself (that took a long while, but hey). Make sure you surround yourself with people you CAN be yourself around. I know that’s probably shitty advice because you can’t just leave your folks behind or something, but it’s nice to have a few people who feel the same way. Someone you can talk to. 

[lrosenthal11]

Here's to my start at @CollegeIsMyLife <3

Hi!! ♌

 My name is Laurunce Rosenthal and this is my first blog for my new job ayeeee. We have a loootttttt to cover so here we go. Wow I don’t think anyone, including myself, is ready for what’s about to be written. Here we fuckin go.

Okay let’s start from the start. I’m Laurunce, some know me as LJ some Laurunce, some call me names they make up like Lauren or Lawrence or LG or even shit like TJ like idk where we getting these letters from…but anyway that is me. I’m Laurunce. And you’ve probably never heard the name Laurunce before which is so lit for me because now I hope you never forget it. I’m the girl that’s going to make an impact on this world. Wanna know why? Because no one else is going to? “Oh LJ so many people are doing stuff for this world..” well my niqqa why aren’t you? Glad you just asked yourself that question I want you to ask yourself it again…and again… Ask yourself why you aren’t doing something for this world; some action to better this world. And if you are HELL YEAHHH glad you’re on the winning team. Now for people not doing anything positive for this world, or even worse doing stuff that NEGATIVELY IMPACTS our Earth, yuuuuuppp I’m calling you out bartards and litterers, and yep even you past LJ meanie gal. You were not a nice human in your past. Glad you woke up girl. Make some positive changes in this world people, we gotta do it not only for us, but for our children and grandchildren, and our grandchildren’s grandchildren. I’m doing this for you, my babies I hope to have. Obviously cannot predict the future, but my two beautiful baby girls, hopefully twins, if not the best of friend sisters: Summer Raine Rosenthal and Brooke Lynn Rosenthal. How cute omg cannot wait for these beautiful humans to enter the world Anyway back to start, we are going to stray off track a lot I feel like but it’s worth it to me because my ideas are all over the place but begging and pleading to be put onto this page, which will then transfer to your brains. This is my literal thought process running like a wild lion (where my Leos at?) through my brain, and leaving my fingertips to be available for your eyes to read and your soul to listen to. These are my lyrics on some platform, somewhere, wherever you are. And wherever you are I hope you are at home and at peace, because you are your own home. “You can’t make homes out of human beings, someone should have already told you that.” – Warsan Shire (my twitter bio for idk maybe the past 4 years), and as Porter Robinson said at the event that sparked this enlightenment of my soul, #OkeechobeeMusicFestival2017, “Every place you’ve ever imagined, it’s real. There is a fictional city in your mind and you know every corner of it. Your mind is a world, each of us is a place.” Do you understand why music is my new favorite drug? Lyrics and beats SPEAK TO ME.

How did this change all occur??? Well, I microdosed on LSD (microdosing is where you cut of a liiiitle piece and take that instead of dropping the whole tab) and my eyes were opened to the effects of drugs and how they can hinder such beautiful people and decided that is not the path I wish to be on anymore. If I can enjoy life without all the drugs and other influences I was under, why do I NEED them? That is not to say I am going to stop cold turkey, but I now know and trust my limits.  I was addicted to this fake feeling of satisfaction for however long my high lasted. Now I truthfully am high on life. I could sit here and type forever about the changes I am making in my life, but I will just show you all, and show myself, because it’s kinda counterproductive to brag (#NOMORENEGATIVITY) and try to explain how amazing it is to finally be happy in my own skin and with a new cleansed and refreshed soul. It’s the flesh I will be in for the rest of my years on this planet, so I should prob get comfy in it, and I encourage you to do the same, get comfy peeps it’s going to be a nice journey. And I am not here to scold you, because who am I to try and control your life, and who are you to try and control mine? I needed to take a drug to realize I don’t need them. I DROPPED a tab (tab = the acid for my family right now reading this going ‘huhhhh what’s a tab??!!!’) Anyway, I DROPPED a drug to realize I could DROP drugs, ahhhhh finally a big part of my life, “Double Entendre” which I hope to call this blog/the book I am going to write. There will be many of those DEs throughout this new blog. Wow I am excited. If you are reading this and it touches you in any way please share. I am just a New York girl trying to be successful, and there are many cliché stories like that, but who is to say I can’t be one of those cliché stories too? They usually have really awesome endings.

           So what am I going to do with this blog platform? I am going to change the world. Don’t believe me? Watch me. THE ONLY PERSONEVER STOPPING YOU, IS YOU. And I believe that about myself. At Okeechobee, a woman who looked JUST like my older sister Janeen, (Janeen you are one of my heroes, this one’s for you) approached me and said to me, “Watch who you hang out with.” and proceeded on her way. You will see throughout my blog I believe in Her, She, The Universe. She is Us it’s so weird and hard to explain but I’ll try…She is not a religion, She is not something we have to go praise every Sunday, or someone who we have to fear, She is within and among us, trying to guide us on our life’s journey so we can experience all the necessary experiences we have to go through in order to become our true selves. I believe in Astrology a crazy amount, and I’m no expert, but I am learning. And I believe She chose me to be a Leo, Leo, Aquarius, Scorpio for a reason. (Find your Natal Chart here, it will unlock so many secrets to your life. It very well may be exactly what you need to read in your life right now to start your enlightenment, http://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php. ) If you look up my signs you will learn a lot about me, which if you aren’t interested you don’t obviously have to but you’ll learn more about me than you could imagine. Here’s a video (https://youtu.be/ymmq1E37sJQ?list=PLGn9j5IRilElxuRGQz0Voy7JEHF9nQOqZ)  that literally is so scary spot on I laughed at Her because she has a humorous side I’m so serious. Anyway go look up your info wait lemme get this out first, most of us will be adults reading this…remember no one can tell you what to do but you. Others can influence your decision, but no one can MAKE you do anything. And if someone FORCES you to do something…drop that human out of your life, they have no place in it. That is what I did and look at me now. I listened to the woman in the #BOSS hat at Okeechobee, (she was on the security team not just some random) and holy shit did she remind me of my sister. I let her influence my decisions, and I reevaluated what I was doing with my nights and who I was spending it with. I will always have so much love for the people in my past, and I’m so grateful for all the lessons they have taught me, but some people just don’t have a place in my life anymore. I refuse to let anyone hold me back from pursuing my dreams. Please let these resonate, “BE FEARLESS IN THE PURSUIT OF WHAT SETS YOUR SOUL ON FIRE.” That is exactly what I am here doing, and I encourage you to do the same. That was my senior quote and I am realizing that She has guided me to do many things in my life (that She is still revealing it’s so dope) that have led me to exactly where I am, the happiest I have ever been while on this Earth. That quote was my senior quote, and at the time of choosing that quote I had so many others I was going to pick. (Thank you Universe and Margaret Grace for helping w the selection, YOU ARE MY PERSON. The Meredith to my Christina dude. More like my Froggies Windman to my F’real Pumpkin Cheesecake milkshake let’s be real here, omg I miss you my bff of how long…like 13 years lmao. I love you.) Can you believe I chose that one, and that it has fueled me to where I am today… Florida State University-the best school everrrrr, a working gal-just got hired to do what I love to do, spread positivity and write from the soul, and happy- something I have been striving for my whole life. Once you realize you are the only one in your own way you realize you can break the barricade and dance wild to the beat of your own journey. AHHH LIFE IS SO GOOD I’M SMILING WRITING THIS AHHHHH.

 On to another thing I am going to do with this blog, I have decided to take the initiative of #MAKINGFSUKINDAGAIN. Yes, boys and girls, or rather men and women since we should start to realize this is the beginning of our adult lives (let’s wake up and smell the roses people have your priorities right), and we need to start acting a little more like adults. I have taken it upon myself to start this trend and I won’t stop until FSU IS KIND AGAIN. And the best part is, once FSU is kind again, I’ll choose my next target audience (hello Mr. Solomon your class rocks and Advertising is definitely a part of my career path in the future. S/O to target audience, a term I learned in your class). But yes I have dreams of a world at peace filled with love and kindness and happy humans and pretty flowers and GOOD FUCKING MUSIC THANK GOODNESS. So how am I going to do this…? Lemme tell ya… I am going to pick up as many pieces of trash I see around campus hoping others see me and are inspired to do the same. I am going to spread the light I have within me everywhere and brighten others’ lives as much as humanly possible. Along with my light comes my positive vibes I believe myself to bring around, and if my positivity is bothering you, I hope you take a step back and realize POSITIVITY IS CAUSING YOU DISTRESS. CHANGE THAT.

 Anyways, I have a quick story and I hope you all listen up because you may be my next target (*insert Dracula laugh* harharhar) . I go to a school with a lot of frat boys and sorority gals. Greek life is huge here at FSU and that has many pros and many cons but that’s beside the point. Anyway, I don’t want my school to get in trouble so I won’t mention whatever group(?) these people are associated with, and I will be using different names. But pay attention to the first letters because I am a detail-oriented woman and you all will see that. ANYWAY story time, yesterday I went to a bar for Happy Hour (best day I love happy hour how you gonna be MAD at HAPPY hour lmk) and at HH I went to the clambox of a bar that FSU students will know exactly what bar I am talking about. At this bar a mean kid, let us call him AA because remember what I said earlier, this one’s even more specific but still so vague I love it..nevertheless, AA was A DOUUUUCHHHHEEEEEEE to me. We were at the bar and he would lower his glasses and say some rude shit. He fucking asked me if I was a prostitute like multiple times…. ME, LJ, a new woman of integrity, he asked me that. I was in a killer outfit too like it was honestly modest af and that bothers me even more because his comment wasn’t even relevant. Anyway, he was a douchebag stereotypical “frat boy” which has a negative connotation but wanna know why it has that connotation……. BECAUSE OF BOYS LIKE AA!!!!!!! So yeah he was so mean and so rude and here we go baby… Remember what I told you AA, you probably don’t because you black out every opportunity you get which is gross because you’re a senior with no goals and I’m not judging you I am spitting facts right now (Scorpio in me coming out oh boy) but yeah you need to WAKE.THE.FUCK.UP BOIIIIII because you will never get a job or a respectable woman in your life if you continue these habits. But anyway, do you remember what I told you, no?, okay I gotchu. I said these words right to your mean little face I said, “You’re fucking with the wrong girl.” And guess what everyone, I am a woman of my word so yaaaaaa AA, watch the fuck out who you’re fucking with because I’LL ROAST YOUR ASS IN MY NEW BLOG THAT’S GOING TO MAKE ME FAMOUS YAAA YEEEET BOIIII. And in all seriousness AA, I really do hope you wake up and change (omg Aquarius Rising LJ coming out [just googled Aquarius Rising Woman and found this on the link I put above “our personal destiny and soul function is ultimately related to the impulses toward progressive change, experimentation and innovative, creative thinking which reside in the collective psyche of your generation. You are a conduit for change, for awakening new thought.”] …. Holy shit like lmk if astrology isn’t real…kk wake up it is).  But seriously AA, awaken your soul my dude, you’re in my favorite frat, one I hope to be the first GDI gal to be Sweetheart for, and you’re giving my boys a bad name. Don’t black every time you go out, get happy drunk, and don’t be mean to women or anyone while we are at it, be niceeeee and pretty gals like me and all other gals who start with beauty from the inside will be attracted to you, we are the kind of girls you actually want to be with.

            So yeah, here we go, here is my blog, here is my soul on my sleeve, and I’m super excited to feature my friends and the stories I acquire on my journey, and I can’t wait to instill some positivity into the lives of the people around me and all the people who will see this because SHARESHARESHARE my friends!!!!! If you are my friend, or consider yourself my friend, or have spoken to me, or if I in any way have impacted your life, I am asking you please please share. I am ready to start my life, to put myself out there, and with your help I can. I plan to engulf everything on my path with the fire within me (FIRE SIGNSSSS WYAAAA) and I am ready to do that NOW. If not now….WHEN? Now that I have my attitude chosen, how I go about the next seconds/minutes/hours/days/months/years is what really matters. I am only 18 years of age, I am bound to make mistakes, hella mistakes, but if I’m starting at 18, where will I be at 19? I am ready to push my limits in success and respect my limits in life. That’s why I started this blog, so that it’s not a book just yet, so it won’t take as long to write (patience is a virtue which I am learning, but in the meantime, I’m not going to wait around when I can do something about my life). One of my new mottos is “Don’t complain about it if you aren’t doing anything about it.” Well Hi, I am Laurunce Rae (yupp no J we’ll get to that in another blog) Rosenthal and this is me doing something. I have confidence in myself and the people I have met on my journey, whether it be me just flashing you a smile or actually having touched your heart. Maybe I’ve improved your mood one day, or you were a victim of one of my random stranger conversations.  I am grateful for the people I have met and the places I have seen, and now I am ready to expand my horizons even more, see new lands meet new peeps. I hope you will join me on my journey. Spread the love my people and, of course, BE FEARLESS IN THE PURSUIT OF WHAT SETS YOUR SOUL ON FIRE.

Another thing before I end, Daddy, Mark Rosenthal, my huuuuummaaannnn. I adore you, you literally keep me going every.single.day. You are the funniest, most diligent, most resourceful, most reliable human in my life and I cannot wait to make you so so proud with what I do with my life. No one will ever top you my dude. NO ONE. I will never forget where I came from (peep the new back tattoo peeps, ROSENTHAL BABY… REMEMBER THAT NAME.) and I cannot wait to see where She leads me.

With so so so so much love,

Laurunce LJ Rosenthal ♌

[fightingdiamond]

KCON LA 2017 fanaccount!!

part 1: Seventeen-teen-teen (I got to hi-touch them!!!) and a bit of VIXX~ 

Oh my goddd it's past 2 am as I'm writing this and I'm really worn out + still going to the convention tomorrow (Astroooo) but I wanna write this up before I go to sleep and forget 😂😂😂

First a bit about day 1, my early morning flight got delayed so I was like 😱 bad omens but the convention check-in line was amazingly smooth this year, I was prepared to wait hours in the hot sun from what I'd read online about previous years???? That didn't happen so 👍🏽

I was praying to get a Seventeen or GOT7 hi-touch with my ticket (to be clear, I only wanted GOT7 to trade for Seventeen 😉) but I got SF9 instead. Which is fine, I would've been happy to do SF9's hi-touch if I hadn't gotten Seventeen. I spent most of Friday in the trading area desperately looking for a Seventeen hi-touch, and was almost resigned to my fate/actually bought an Astro hi-touch because I thought I wouldn't get Seventeen. But one popped up at the last minute!!! I was expecting to be asked to pay $400+ and I love Seventeen but I'm not willing to spend that much money just for a hi-touch, but the seller was really kind so it worked out!!! 

I don't think I really did much else Friday, just walked around looking at merch and wondering whether to buy or not 😂 I filmed myself saying random stuff about the convention to my sister! She's at school so she couldn't come with me 😓

Saturday morning I woke up and had a few minutes of panic because HOLY CRAP I'M SEEING SVT TODAY. I GET TO TOUCH SVT TODAY. It was totally unreal and I wasn't even at the event or even the convention yet, I was literally in my bed 😂 I couldn't believe it was really happening!

I felt really bad because I sold the two Seventeen audiences I got on Friday as contingency, and I know my fellow Carats really wanted that hi-touch 😭 I'm sorry Carats!!! Next time!!!

I went to the Carat fan meeting event for a bit, it was pretty cute! I've never seen so many Carats in my life before 😂 so many of them came with their parents too~

Around noon or so I was just sitting outside the expo hall and I noticed people were starting to line up, so I went over and asked what was going on. Supposedly ~some idols~ were gonna come through, maybe VIXX! So I stuck around - I wasn't planning to go to VIXX's fan engagement because it was right before Seventeen's, and I needed to line up for a good view for Seventeen 😂 

I want to say it was anticlimactic, but it kinda wasn't? Sure, I was waiting there for a while, and I'm short so it was hard to see what was going on. And when they actually came through, they walked so fast I didn't have time to react! I wanted to shout Hakyeon's name but it all happened so fast that I couldn't get the words out 😂

But I did see them in real life! I was literally like, 5 feet away from them?? Hyuk was first and I actually wasn't sure if it was him for a second, either I've been out of VIXX for too long or he looks different in real life? Probably at least a bit the latter, haha. Not in a bad way tho! His face just looks softer in real life. Also, he's really tall! But at the same time, not as tall as I expected? Like, it felt like I was expecting all of them to be almost larger than life. It was really amazing seeing them in real life and just having that world-changing reality check that yeah, these are real, living, breathing humans who just happen to be celebrities. They looked so....normal, in a way? Like I see them and I realize that in some other universe where they're not idols, they're just regular people I might've known. Idk if this is making any sense, haha. Of course I've been aware of the fact that I shouldn't put idols on a pedestal - VIXX themselves have definitely taught me some lessons about how to deal with it when idols that I love do problematic things - but it's one thing to accept intellectually that idols aren't perfect, and another to actually have them in front of you without any of the usual digital barriers, just casually walking by like any other stranger you pass by on the street every day. So yeah, overall it was pretty amazing to see them, really refreshing in a way, even if it was only for a few minutes, if that. 

Mm anyway, Hongbin looked as pretty as ever and Wonshik was really charismatic (although I wish he had smiled). I remember while I was doing my research for KCON tips and tricks, someone said Jaehwan looks like a doll in real life? Whoever that was, you're totally right. Can confirm. I was a bit surprised honestly, I never thought of him as a top visual in VIXX but he's astoundingly pretty. Taekwoon.....lmao I'm so sorry, I literally don't recall seeing Taekwoon 😂 I must've been distracted 😕

Overall I was pretty pleased with my luck XD I totally forgot that they were coming to the expo hall at all and I'm glad I was there just in time. Most importantly, I was really glad I'd seen VIXX first, because I felt a lot more prepared for Seventeen after that 😂

Also Kevin Woo (U-KISS' Kevin) walked past me on his way to a panel, so that was kinda cool. 

It was still more than two hours until Seventeen's engagement, but I saw one of my twitter mutuals said they were already lining up for it??? So I hurried over and got in line. The fan engagements are all standing, no seats for some reason, so I really wanted a good view 😂 I talked to people in line, and made a new friend! That was actually one of my biggest fears about KCON - I'm really shy about talking to people, and I also kind of feel out of place among KCON fans. That's still kinda true, but at least I made one friend 😄

I was so nervous while I was in line, and I don't think I stopped being nervous until Seventeen had come in and were on stage, tbh. Seeing them in front of me was so calming ❤️ It was so nice being surrounded by so many Carats tho! On the screen in the hall they were playing MVs of the artists in the lineup and everyone was cheering and singing along for Don't Wanna Cry. 

I recorded the whole fan engagement session including Seventeen walking in and I can upload that later, so I'll just toss out the things that stuck in my memory:

-I was WHOLLY unprepared for Jun to walk out first?????? He looks like a goddamn elf in real life, he's so beautiful. I'll still grumble about his hair being blond and grumble a bit louder about how he should eat more and fill out those cheeks again, but he's so beautiful. Similar to Hyuk, not as tall as I expected (also, I think he just has lousy posture). 

-Dino????? Is so tol???? But also so smol?????? Also I'm sorry, this is going to sound REALLY weird, but his head is kinda big proportional to his body? 😂😂😂😂😂 he's still a cutie tho. 

-Coups was so excited and happy, he was smiling and waving with both hands and I swooned. His black hair is gorgeous and I feel so blessed. 

-Jeonghan had glasses!! I swooned again. 

-Seungkwan is ADORABLE. I think up until he came out I'd just been cheering, not yelling members' names, but when he came out I just suddenly found myself screaming his name lmao. I love him ❤️

-I'm not a makeup expert by any means so I could be wrong, but they all seemed to have pretty heavy makeup on? Not a bad thing at all!!! Just a comment. It made all of them look really gorgeous. Especially Woozi, his skin looked so pristine and soft. 

-I kept waiting for Hoshi but he never came 😔 I hope he's resting well and that he isn't too sick!!!

It's getting a bit late haha so I'll skip the actual session for now and talk about the hi-touch, since I don't have a video for that! They made us put our phones away, although one of the girls with me just left her phone recording in her pocket 😮 tips for next time!!

So my plan was to alternate saying 수고했어요 (you've worked hard) and 건강하세요 (be healthy) because I knew I wouldn't have time to say both to each member, and they were all close together so I hope they each heard both phrases 😅 and I was planning to speak English to Joshua and say "take care of your health", and Mandarin - 您辛苦了 (you've worked hard) and 祝您身体健康 (be healthy) - to Jun and Minghao. I really wanted to say something meaningful in the short time I had! I didn't want to say something as trite as "saranghaeyo" or anything. 

Actually my rehearsed lines went pretty well, I should really give myself more credit for that. I couldn't really tell if they were more happy to hear my message than normal - of course they're always happy to meet their fans, but I couldn't tell if they were more happy than that to hear their native languages, ya know? I hope they appreciated it though 😓 ironically I actually stumbled on the English - I don't remember why, maybe I looked at Jisoo's face or something haha, but I suddenly got really shy and instead said "thank you for coming" while not looking him in the eye. He thanked me though, and I could hear the smile in his voice 😌

I'm really mad at myself about the eye contact thing though! I keep feeling bad about not looking some members in the eye; I hope they know it's out of shyness and not because I love them any less! Honestly I have this problem in real life too, my eyes will just wander during conversations 😒 I need to fix this (and not just for if I ever meet Seventeen again 😂)

Individual impressions:

-Woozi, oh, Woozi, my poor Jihoonie. He seemed super exhausted. I don't want to cause any trouble but I think Carats understand - he seemed really happy to see his fans, but at the same time very tired. His smile seemed like one of those polite smiles, but like I said, I totally understand. His lil dimples were really cute too! Also, he has a really manly vibe? LOL idk he’s so smol but also surprisingly manly????

-Seokmin, my sunshine, I think I might've talked over him by accident?????? Lmaooo I have no idea, it happened really quickly. As I was moving from Jihoon to Seokmin I think Seokmin was saying something to me, probably just hello, but I couldn't hear and by the time I realized, I was already opening my mouth to talk. I can't really remember much about his face or expression or anything but I remember getting the vibe that he was a really sweet person. It was probably his smile 😍

-Joshua: see above. I'm sorry babe! I love you, I'm just shy!

-Seungkwan, my baby boo, I'm so sorry, I barely remember hi-touching him 😭😭😭 if I ever see you again Seungkwan, I'll give you lots of love!

-Jeonghan, my angel, I think I was also too shy to look at him? I don't remember his face 😂😂😂 I love you Jeonghan! 😭

-Vernon, oh my god, Hansol, my child. He said hello to me as I moved up to him with his like, classic crooked grin and I about died on the spot. His voice is so lovely, oh my god, and the way he was smiling with his eyebrow quirked I just can't! I didn't realize until way way later that he'd talked to me in Korean (or rather, the importance of that fact). I wonder if he thought I was Korean because he heard me speaking Korean to Jeonghan? I'm under no illusions here about my Korean ability lol so I'm not sure. Either way he seemed really excited to be hearing Korean spoken to him and my heart melted when I realized that. I had purposely decided that I was going to speak Korean to Hansol for this very reason - because I remember reading about how he's lived in Korea for so long and how he said before he identifies more with his Korean side. I figured he'd appreciate a message in Korean and I feel really proud that I was right. 

-Mingyu, my darling, I think I was still freaking out from talking to Hansol lmao. I love Mingyu more than....a lot of things but he didn't make much of an impression on me? Like, he was exactly how I expected him to be, no more, no less - very tall, very beautiful, very excited. It's not a bad thing 😂😂😂 thank you for saving my heart, darling!

-Coups, my love, I feel bad that I couldn't show him more love with the time I had. I had another attack of shyness around him and didn't look him in the eye 😭 I tried to touch his hand a little longer to make up for it...also I'm SO regretful that I didn't look at his face more attentively because I know he was smiling, but I didn't even take the time to appreciate his dimples 😭😭😭

-Wonwoo, my precious, I'm sorry I also don't remember much of him. Whose idea was it to have hip hop unit line up together?????????? I, a lowly hip hop unit stan, am DECEASED. I was already so overwhelmed from the others that I didn't have the capacity to appreciate Wonwoo 😭😭😭

-Minghao, oh god, Minghao, my everything. I'm not gonna lie, he stole my heart today. Recently I had been feeling increasingly fond towards him for no particular reason, so I kinda saw it coming, but after the hi-touch I was just like, wow. My life has been changed. Right before the hi-touch started, as we were lining up, I was yelling Minghao's name trying to get him to notice me. No luck 😔 but I spoke Mandarin to him during the hi-touch, and he gave me this radiant smile and thanked me in Mandarin. Holy shit, his voice. I'm still getting shivers thinking about it now. I swear to god my heart wanted to fly out of my chest. In hindsight though, I think he seemed a bit tired, similar to Woozi? I'm not sure if it's just his smile lines but yeah, he seemed kind of tired. He was really gracious about the whole thing though. 

-Chan, what a smol, especially sandwiched between the two giants that are China line. LOL I mean he’s actually pretty tall too, he just gives off the vibe that makes me want to coddle him 😅 I hope he got to meet a lot of people who bias him! He deserves the world ❤️

-Jun, wow. I feel a little bad for reiterating that he's beautiful? The boy's talented too, make no mistake! Appreciate Wen Junhui 2kalways! But anyway he seemed a bit tired and withdrawn during the hi-touch, I felt a little twinge in my heart. I had a split second where I freaked out mentally over the Mandarin so I just ended up saying "you've worked hard" to him even though I'd already said it to Minghao. Actually I don't think I ended up saying anything about staying healthy to any of the members of performance unit who were present.....I feel like there's some kind of cosmic irony here. Anyway I hope Jun appreciated the Mandarin even though he didn't say anything! 😅

I really wanted Hoshi to come so I could tell him to get well soon, but of course I don't blame him. I hope he's back on his feet soon!

I was curious about Seventeen’s actual heights lmao but they were all kind of bending down/crouching to accommodate the fans! So sweet of them 😍 (but I still will never know how tall they really are.......hahaha)

God it's 4:40 already 😂😂😂 anyway! I'm gonna sleep now! I'll talk more about the concert later, but it was So Good oh my god. I've now adopted SF9 as my babies and reaffirmed my belief that Seventeen are gods 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽 Vernon and Seungkwan are the sweetest little things and Mingyu and Minghao are precious together. 

TL;DR: I went in to the hi-touch a Coups bias and I left a Minghao bias 😂😍😂😍😂

[lunnonbridges]

2019

saw Rachels tumblr post wrapping up her 2019 so ima do the same thing lol ty for the inspiration rachel <3

2019 was wild had some amazing highs and some devastating lows but i mean that happens every year lol.

school: completed my favorite clinical ever in the ED wow i could go on forever about it because i enjoyed it so much and i learned so much and wow ED nursing is amazing and so crucial i can’t wait to work in the ED again in a few years (hopefully) overall i enjoyed school surprisingly i love nursing and i can’t wait to finally use my BSN, RN in action in a few months. i!! am!! a!! college!! graduate!!! passed NCLEX too thank god (no real lows in the school department actually)

work: got to put my RN license in action working as a flu nurse haha i thought it was gonna be more intense but it was actually pretty chill just giving shots lol im not afraid of giving shots at all now because i did it literally for a job lol. got hired to be an oncology nurse at swedish which was nice :) the not nice thing was having my license delayed though which means now i am not working as a nurse T_T but i mean at least i still have the job--just got delayed but nothing to beat myself up over it. glad i found a full time babysitting job to fill the void in the meantime though :) winston is a very cute baby and i love him a lot and i am excited to see him again ahah hes such a darling and pay is enough for me to pay rent and some but rip savings haha

family: feels kinda the same? i’ve always been decently close with my immediate family i guess but going to the wedding and seeing everyone for the first time in a while was weird--i am def the most liberal and like out there out of the entire family i would say like what i believe in and what i hold important etc but i mean thats also not a bad thing--they focus too much on religion and like conservative ways in my opinion and i am too scared to talk about that stuff with extended family lol bc they are so stuck in their ways and i dont want more lectures lol i dont go to church in seattle but i go to church when i am home lol all convos at home become church related somehow and i hate it honestly...i don’t want religion shoved down my throat anymore please!!!!!! it is so suffocating

fitness/body image: started gyming a lot this past summer and continued it until december loll bc i got busy with life but i gained a lot of muscle mass and started feeling good about how i looked for the first time ever really (so sad i know) gained some weight too but that’s ok bc muscle mass. hopefully i can go back to the gym in january so i can work on getting slim thiccc lol i’m such a twig. i am not worrying too much about weight anymore because it is just a number! but i do relapse sometimes and worry too much over how i look--it is a work in progress

friendship: for the most part good or actually honestly all good because the only friend i feel like i kinda lost is Jason? but i mean hes off doing his own thing with his own friends and SO so its ok. if he’s happy im happy for him! maintained friendships with everyone i was close with before and even caught up with some old friends like alice, esther, rowena and i even met up with priyanka once although she never hits me up anymore lol i tried ok she is a busy person. got pretty close with like albert and will especially the past few months and everyone else really through talking to them about my struggles and issues and i know they all care about me truly <3 i love my friends and i am very grateful for the bunch of them. still close to michael and michelle! and i became close to michelle kang thanks to rachel <3 hehe i love rachel she keeps it real for me and is there for me regardless i love living with her and being with her and she just gets me ya know? ily lots rachel wifey <3

relationships: wow where do i even begin....life was going well with jason and then it just went downhill and i am writing this post as single as i can possibly be HAHA we broke up in sept after 3 years but no hard feelings right? hes with someone else and i am content/over him for sure---i was losing feelings which is one reason why i called it off lol but ya he taught me alot but at the same time a lot of people don’t think he was the best for me lol...they all tell me i could do better/glad i am not with him so interesting to hear this now tbh we had some issues and they couldn’t be resolved properly...hope he isn’t mad at me or anything idk....i can say confidently that i am over him 10000000% and i won’t look back. downloaded dating apps in seattle lol and i got wrecked for 2019 HAHA met a really nice guy and hit it off well and i was really liking him but ya tldr did couple-y things and were even exclusive just to have it called off bc there was no attraction and surprisingly i’m not mad at all even now! it hurt the first few days but im over it now. thank you next! (if youre reading this please know this is true and i do want to be friends and this time apart with me being in the bay has helped a lot--took my mind off of a lot of things lol i just want whats best for you!) i know hes looked at my tumblr before lol thats how close we were imo since only a select handful know of this page... he was the first guy i was amazed at for his maturity and levelheadedness actually so kudos to him! not many guys are like him so hopefully the next is just as mature lol i am talking to some guys super casually tho but ya i gotta just focus on myself and friends/fam instead of boys lmao...i am extremely afraid of being vulnerable and opening up and even truly liking someone again because they always leave and i always get hurt and broken lol hopefully i learned my lesson this time haha boys are scary and i have 0 expectations anymore ha ha ha! im open to dating not too sure about being tied down though idk if the right boy comes along so be it!  i dont want to come off as like dependent and insecure and always needing a boy with me for validation--i dont want to jump from 1 boy to another boy so fast bc my heart needs time to heal and recover lol i am baby heh 

this is a very long post so ima write my 2020 goals on a different post aha overall 2019 sucked kinda but also didn't suck lol hopefully 2020 is better haha

[shortieandcoconut]

101 Thought Provoking Questions

1. Do you like who you are? Yes and no. 2. What would people say about you at your funeral? I'm honestly not sure, that I was a caring person I guess. 3. What would you regret not doing in your life? My dreams 4. What’s the wisest thing you have ever heard someone say? I've heard many wise things.. idk 5. What lessons in life did you learn to hard way? ....Can't say 6. How often do your biggest worries and fears come true? Mmmm, not.... Much..? 7. If you had one year left to live, what would you try to achieve? One year isn't enough.. 8. Do you serve money or does money serve you? What.... Uh, both? 9. Are you afraid of being your true self around others? Why? Yes. Afraid that people can't handle for me for whatever reason and would find me annoying or something. 10. What are you grateful for? Many things... 11. Have you done anything you are proud of lately? Well, I don't like to boast but... I bought a homeless guy some lunch. 12. Have you made any recent acts of kindness? Yes. 13. If you knew that you would die tomorrow, what questions would you ask yourself? Am I worthy of redemption? Was I a good person? Did I try hard enough? 14. If your biggest fears came true, would it matter in five years from now? Probably 15. How would you describe yourself? I'm tired of describing myself but here we go... Contradictory personality. For example, I'm nice and compassionate but I can also be really rude, impatient and critical. Actually, I am pretty rude, snappy and grumpy.... 16. Do you take people’s advice? Hmm sometimes 17. Do you get quickly offended? Depends... But yes. But not by stupid things. 18. Do you consider yourself to be a likable person? Dunno. 19. ‘We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give’ – What does this mean to you? You make a living by how much money you earn, you can achieve if you put in effort... 20. Are you enriching the lives of others? Depends? I mean I hope so. But really idk. 21. Are you living a meaningful life? I want to. 22. What makes a meaningful life? Being good to people, helping, having a purpose, being a somebody. 23. Would you ever give up your life to save another? Yes. 24. How much would you be willing to sacrifice for people in poverty? I don't know. 25. If you could live one day over and over again, what would you choose to do? Really? Idfk 26. Do you think you are important and worthy of affection and love? Well, maybe not 'important' but everyone needs to be loved because it's a fucking basic human requirement you numbskull. 27. What would make you feel more worthy? What do you believe needs to be different about you? Being a better person, being somebody, doing good things 28. What brings you down the most often? Not saying 29. Would you rather work less (and do the things you enjoy) and have less money? Hmmmm.. Well there's not much I enjoy, and the things I enjoy are expensive, so no. 30. Where do you find peace? When I'm relaxing, daydreaming, listening to music. 31. What is the most important quality you look for in another person? Caringness, intelligence, romantic, values and beliefs etc 32. What is your biggest dream in life? I'm not sure anymore. Hmm, live in another country. 33. What is your biggest fear? At the moment I'd say, getting fired, or getting bit by a spider. Oh and, making the wrong friends, people ruining your life. 34. How would the world be different if you had never been born? I'm not sure. 35. What life lessons do you wish you knew 10 years ago? Many... 36. If you could tell your younger self one thing, what would it be? Study other subjects in school. 37. If your life was a movie, what would the title be? 38. If your life was a movie, would you enjoy watching it? Who knows, probably. Because I like people that are like me. I like relatable things. 39. What does success mean to you? Having a good job, have enough money to live, being happy, being a good person. 40. If you could be a different person, who would you be? Hmm, I'm not telling you. 41. What was the best day of your life? Why? I haven't had one of those in years, actually no, I don't know if that's happened yet. 42. What do you look forward to most in life? The world not being so fucked up. World peace. Stability in my personal life. Intimacy. Romance. 43. What bad habits do you want to ditch? Eating from boredom. 44. Who do you look up to and why? Huehuehue, this is personal. 45. Do you know your partners love language? I don't have a partner. 46. Do the people you love most know how much you love them? I hope so. 47. Are you satisfied with the depth of your relationships? Not really, it can go deeper. 48. What do you owe yourself? Dunno. A bailey's I guess. 49. Based on your current day-to-day life, what do you expect to achieve in 5 years from now? Hahaha, probably not much. 50. Do you say ‘yes’ too often when you really want to say ‘no’? Why? Hmm... No. 51. What did you learn yesterday? I forgot. 52. What do you like about yourself? My personality, and I ain't changing it for no one. 53. Would you consider yourself to be a generous person? Yes. 54. Do you really listen when people talk to you? Depends. 55. What is the number one change you need to make in your life this year? More exercise. More driving. 56. How many hours per week do you spend on the internet? Probably almost all of it lol. 57. What are your most common negative thoughts? Are they logical? Don't get me started... 58. Do you think it’s too late to do certain things in your life? Why? Yes, because 25-30 is when you're expected to have EVERYTHING together. 59. If you could be the most influential person in the world, what would you change? That resources are distributed equally. Kids in Africa aren't starving (well, mainly) because they can't grow food, its that the government doesn't spend any money on agriculture or anything. Eliminate all evil people. Well, you know what I mean, like, the illuminati. 60. How much time do you spend with your family and friends? Family, lots, friends, like once or twice a month I guess. 61. Where do you want to be in 5 years from now? A better job and hopefully in my own home. 62. Is your life complicated by unnecessary things? Dunno. 63. How can you simplify your life and focus on the most important things to you? Hmm... No, my life is already simple enough. 64. What stresses you out? Being crazily busy at work. 65. What makes life easier? Technology. 66. How often do you give without expecting anything in return? Majority of the time. 67. What is your greatest challenge? Motivation. 68. What is most important to you in life? Are you giving it the time it deserves? I just want to be loved (romantically). And wish everyone was happy. 69. If you could send a message to the world, what would you say in 30 seconds? Don't believe everything you see, hear and read.. I guess. 70. What do you most regret never telling someone? I think that should be, what do I most regret, telling to someone. 71. When was the last time you tried something new? Depends what your definition of "trying something new" is. 72. Are you afraid to speak your own opinion? Sometimes. I bet I'd lose a lot of friends if I did. (Only because they're those overly politically correct people >_>) 73. Do you give into others too often and feel resentful because of it? Sometimes. Resentful of who though? Myself, yes, and a little bit towards them maybe, but mostly myself. 74. Are you holding onto something that you need to put behind you? Probably 75. How often do you let your fears hold you back? A lot. 76. Do the people in your life bring the best out of you? Well, no I guess, because they don't like my ideas most of the time. 77. How often do you make excuses? Sometimes. 78. What is one mistake that you will never do again? Upsetting the manager? 79. Which is worse, failing or never giving it a shot? Both? But, if you just know something isn't going to work then that's fine I think. So I'd lean more towards failing. 80. What has grown you the most as a person – your challenges and trials or the comfortable yet enjoyable moments in life? Challenges and trials. 81. If you could choose to have no more challenges or obstacles in life, would you? Well, who wouldn't, that would be f-ing awesome. 82. In one word, what is standing between you and your biggest goal? Uncertainty and lack of motivation, my apathetic outlook. Like I just simply don't care, type of outlook. 83. How often do you go to bed feeling angry? Maybe a few times every fortnight. 84. Would it be wrong to steal in order to feed a starving child? Hmmmmmm...... Bit of a grey area. 85. If you paid more attention to the sad things in this world, would you feel more conflicted about it? I already do. 86. If we learn from our failures, then why is it so bad to fail? Because society doesn't value failures, and everyone's been taught to think those people are not worthy. 87. What could you pay more attention to in life? My family? 88. Why do we think of others the most when they’re no longer around? Because you probably feel bad the last thing you said wasn't, "I love you". Or didn't treat them nicely before they passed, or had an argument. 89. What does it look like to make the most of your life? Isn't this similar to a few other questions I've asked previously? ... 90. What have you given up on? Quite a few things... Like, I hardly ever finish anything I start (drawings etc). 91. How many people do you truly love and what are you doing for them? My family. I give them help with things you'd expect a family member to help you with. 92. Do you ask enough questions, or are you happy to settle for what you already know? I'm too curious for my own good. I'd like to know a few more things though. 93. What were you doing when you last lost track of time? Relaxing 94. Do you think you would be happy if you never had to work again? No. Well, depends what the work is. I think I'd be happy if I had less work, not completely eradicating it. 95. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? Maybe like, 19 or something. 96. If you could ask for one wish, what would it be? To meet someone I really want to meet. 97. What inspires you in life? Sometimes other people, sometimes status, most of the time its because I want to create services for people. 98. What can you not live without the most? The internet, water and oxy... Okay. My family. 99. What do you enjoy doing over and over again? Daydreaming, but my daydreaming is hard to explain... Oh, look up maladaptive daydreaming. 100. When did you last laugh so much it hurt? Not recently. 101. What is stopping you from living the life you want to live? Motivation, fear, and impulsivity. But mainly motivated. Oh and the fact that there's already people that are better at what I can do. Its really annoying and disheartening.