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nolita-fairytale · 8 months

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don't want to walk alone | carmen 'carmy' berzatto x fem!reader | chapter five: the honeymoon pt. 2

summary: you and carmy enjoy the last few days of your mini-moon.

warnings: light smut, husband!carmy who comes with a warning label of his own, swearing, lots of tooth rotting fluff, marriage, no use of y/n, second person pov, she/her pronouns

wc: 3.2k

listen to: the official don't want to walk alone playlist (mentioned song - lizzy mcalpine's 'dancing queen' cover)

a/n: hi cuties. here is part two of the honeymoon in chicago. i will be writing an epilogue to finish out this series, then my focus will be back on the world of 'burn your life down.' please enjoy all of this fluffy, lovey dovey content because these two deserve.

part four | masterlist | epilogue

This feels right, you think to yourself, stretching out in the abnormally large bath tub that overlooks the Chicago River. This being the bath, your honeymoon, the non-stop sex between you and your insatiable husband.

You’re up to your shoulders in bubbles, the temperature of the water just the right amount of hot, and you’ve got to admit that you need a recovery bath from the last night or so.

“You gonna join me in here or what?” you ask Carmy, a flirtatious smile on your face as you steal a glance his way.

He sits facing you, a few inches away on the floor of the bathroom, the sketchbook that you got him as a wedding gift laying in his lap as he continues to make furious strokes with one of the wildly-expensive-yet-worth-it pens that you purchased in addition to the sketchbook.

“Nah,” Carmy exhales, the corners of his lips curving up into a smile as he looks at you like you might disappear. “I just wanna look at you a little longer.”

“I know it’s kind of our thing now. But maybe tomorrow night?” he offers up, half apologetically. You shake your head, as if to let him know it’s no problem, and Carmy returns his attention over to what he’s sketching.

“Watcha workin’ on over there?” you ask, curiously, in reference to the broad strokes of pen on paper that you can hear.

“It’s a surprise,” he answers almost too quickly, his focus unbroken as he keeps his head down, buried in whatever it is he’s drawing.

You inhale deeply, letting out your breath on an even deeper exhale and it feels as if you’re melting into the warm bubbles that surround you.

“I’m just glad you’re drawing again. You always seem to light up when you do it,” you sigh, settling into the comfort of your bath, even though you now have to accept that Carmy won’t be joining you tonight.

You close your eyes, listening to the sound of your bubble bath playlist that plays over the speakers of your phone – the easily recognizable voice of Leon Bridges filling your ears as your shoulders relax.

“Why don’t you draw something? For our next tattoo,” you suggest, your eyes beginning to close.

“God, I love you so much,” is Carmy’s reply, without missing a beat.

Opening one eye, you sit up slightly to get a good look at Carmy, shooting a quizzical look his way.

“Well, yeah. But are you referencing anything in particular this time?” you giggle, peering over the edge of the tub in hopes of getting a look at what he’s sketching. Carmy tuts, clutching the sketchbook close to his chest so that he’s sure you can’t see.

The two of you exchange a look, then a laugh, before you resign yourself, sinking back into the tub. Carmy can’t take his eyes off of you, watching you close yours. He looks down at his sketchbook, the image of you in the bathtub, your hair tied up in a messy bun on top of your head beginning to take shape on the page. With deep blue eyes full of love, he finally answers your previous question with:

“You encourage me to dream, baby.”

A beat.

“It’s one of the many reasons I love you.”

You inhale again, peeking one eye open just for a moment as you grin.

“I love you too, Bear. So, so much.”

You take another breath, and a beat, before reiterating, “And I meant what I said. You should draw something for our next tattoo.”

“You really want my scribbles on your body forever?” he asks, skeptically, completely discrediting the talent that you know he knows he has.

“I married you, didn’t I?” you shoot back with a shrug.

He snorts out a laugh, shaking his head incredulously.

“Don’t know if that’s the same.”

“Seriously, Bear. I know we talked about maybe adding some ink to mark this chapter of our relationship… but I really want you to draw it. You don’t have to make up your mind now but, just think about it, okay?” you continue, this time opening both of your eyes to look at him – just so he knows that you mean it.

“Sure,” he nods hesitantly. “Uh… yeah. I’ll think about it.”

You hum along to your playlist as the song changes, and Carmy returns his attention to his sketchbook, stealing glances your way as he continues to work on his drawing of you. You swear you’ve slipped into the kind of relaxed state that yogis traveling to an ashram for the first time can only dream of, as both you and Carmy settle into a comfortable and quiet rhythm.

Carmy hasn’t felt this inspired in a long time – noting that he hasn’t felt this relaxed in a long time either – and he’s more than willing to admit that it’s all the love (and all the sex, because it’s certainly not hurting) that’s sparked this creative kick. He was nervous before, before checking into the hotel earlier today, that maybe he wouldn’t be able to relax – the idea of going to the spa with you tomorrow is still absolutely terrifying – but it’s moments like these that remind him that he may not be so bad at this whole relaxing thing after all.

It could be minutes, hours, days when you decide to get out of the tub – having lost track of time entirely since you checked in at the Langham hotel. Without saying anything, you pull the plug on the bathtub, allowing it to drain as you stand up, grabbing for the fluffy, plush white hotel towel.

And you know that you could put on a robe, just like Carmy, but you have a better idea.

You’ve been saving the little white slip dress that Natalie bought you for just the right moment, and you think this might be it. You can feel Carmy’s eyes on you as you disappear from the bathroom, leaving him where he sits on the floor, and back into the bedroom in search of where you hung the slip dress earlier this evening.

You wonder how long it will take – if he’ll follow you back into the bedroom – but he doesn’t, so you take your time drying off. The white slip dress slides off of its hanger easily. You pull it over your head, allowing it to settle gently over your frame, noticing just how softly it drapes over your figure.

Nat really nailed it with this one, you think to yourself, the pads of your feet hitting the ground as you head back into the bathroom to hang up your robe.

Carmy’s gotten up off the floor, having carefully set his sketchbook down on the long counter, confident in the way he stands, waiting for you. He watches you like a hawk as you begin hanging your robe on the back of the door, a smirk beginning to form on his face.

“What?” you ask, because you know exactly what he’s thinking without even having to look at him.

“Nothin,” he answers, cheekily.

As you turn around, Carmy’s taking a step towards you. You busy yourself with taking your hair back down, watching your reflection in the mirror as Carmy approaches, coming up behind you. You can feel his hands slide along your hips, pulling you towards him as he begins to leave soft kisses on the tops of your shoulders.

“Jus’ wanted to let you know how beautiful you are,” he mumbles in between kisses, pressing his hips against your ass. “That’s all.”

“That’s all? You’re insatiable, Carm. You know that?” you ask him with a giggle, watching him in the mirror this time.

“Oh come on,” he counters you. “You knew exactly what you were doing.” You moan as soon as you feel one of his hands bunching up the material of your dress, his lips curving into a smile against your skin as he hears you. “Putting this on for me.”

“Baby,” you sigh happily, beginning to understand just how fun a honeymoon is supposed to be.

“This feels familiar, doesn’t it?” he begins to tease you, moving your hair to one side of your neck.

“Remember when we snuck into a dressing room…” he continues you, his piercing blue eyes bearing into your soul through the mirror image – just like that night. “... during the James Beard Awards…”

“How could I forget?” you gasp, his teeth nipping at the soft skin of your neck. “It was Syd’s first win and neither of us could wait till we got home.”

You remember it well, especially now, as Carmy begins to grind his hips into your ass, his eyes pleading with you in the reflection, begging you to let him fuck you.

“Friday night and the lights are low…”

You smile, as soon as you recognize the lyrics to one of your favorite songs. Only this time, it’s nothing like the version you and your best friends sang at karaoke night, this version done as an intimate, acoustic singer-songwriter cover. Carmy’s hands are patient, slowly exploring your body as you turn around to face him, surprising him as you wrap your arms around his neck.

He sends you a questioning look and you smile back as you lean in, placing your mouth over his in a messy kiss.

“I love this song,” you whisper against his lips, pulling him in for another kiss as you press your body closer to his. “Dance with me, Carm.”

“Yeah?” he asks, with a single, amused raised eyebrow.

“Yeah,” you answer with a smirk. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

Instead of answering (or protesting, considering he had his sights set on fucking you up against the bathroom counter), he just embraces you, holding you close to him as the two of you sway back and forth to the song, exchanging heated kisses. It’s here, in the midst of a push and pull of desire, dressed in a fluffy white bathrobe and the slip dress his sister bought you, that you and Carmy have your first dance as man and wife.

It’s exchanged kisses, teasing remarks, and eager hands till the very end of the song, both of your feet coming to a halt, too consumed with the passionate makeout that Carmy’s engaged you in this time. Your hands travel to where his robe is tied closed, beginning to open it as your breathing picks up.

“Think we can count that as a first dance?” Carmy asks, in between kisses, his lips moving at a feverish, more desperate pace this time.

“Definitely,” you reply, the softness in his eyes matched so well with the softness of the music. It’s then that you kiss him again, your mouth beginning to trial south every time you return to him.

“Baby,” he moans, as he watches you kiss lower and lower, anticipating what comes next.

“Said I’d make it worth your while. And right now, I want to go down on my husband,” you rasp, your voice low and sultry as you drop to your knees.

Carmy moans as soon as he feels your mouth on him, your tongue coming out just to taste the tip of him. His right hand tangles in your hair, beginning to grasp at the back of your head as he lets out a:

“Fuck.”

———————————

Your vintage lace slip dress, plucked from the ground where it was carelessly thrown the night before, and Carmy’s denim jacket draped over your shoulders.

That’s what he wakes up to, Carmy, your husband, as you climb back onto the bed, having left your brown paper bag filled with all kinds of goodies on the nightstand next to him.

It may seem silly, bringing his denim jacket considering you barely planned on leaving the room, but he brought it for moments like this, when he knew you’d inevitably want to wear something of his while heading down to explore the rest of the hotel.

“Think you’ll even need that?” you’d asked as you watched him pack his bag for this weekend.

“Gotta be prepared, babe. You’ve been stealing my clothes since day one,” he had pointed out, making it clear that he was only packing options at this point. You’d giggled, making a comment about how considerate your then-husband-to-be was and a declaration that you were nothing if not consistent.

“Good morning, my love,” you say as you climb onto the bed, settling at the foot.

Carmy just smiles dreamily, his curls a wild, beautiful mess, as he sits up, reaching for your hands so that he can pull you over him. You smile, leaving a quick good morning kiss on his lips as you mutter something about morning breath.

“Fuck off. You love me,” he teases in response, laying back down.

“Fuck off. I do,” you parrot him, nodding happily, as you settle over him, straddling his hips.

With your hands still in his, Carmy brings your conjoined hands up to his lips, leaving a kiss to each knuckle, his eyes fixed to yours, his focus unbroken. He smirks, seeing you in his denim jacket, just like he predicted. It looks damn good on you and there’s something so primal about the way he feels when you wear his clothes – the fact that you’d showcase to the world that you’re his stirs something inside of him that feels intoxicating.

“I went downstairs to the hotel cafe. Got a few pastries and coffee for us,” you say, as you run your hands up and down his chest.

“Thanks, baby. But I’m not hungry yet,” Carmy replies, something in his voice that tells you he’s got something else in mind. You quirk an eyebrow in his direction, letting out a loud laugh as he flips you over, rolling you onto your back.

“Think we should work up an appetite first.”

“Again?” you giggle, heat pooling between your legs as you think of how he fucked you up against the bathroom counter last night – after you went down on him.

Instead of answering, he captures your mouth with his, groaning into the kiss as he lays his body over yours. You could care less about the morning breath as Carmy winds you up with the way he kisses you, the way he touches you, and you’re sighing out in pleasure as his hand slips between your legs.

“Jesus fucking Christ, baby,” he spits through gritted teeth, as soon as he realizes that you’re not wearing any underwear.

“You go down to the cafe like this?”

You smirk, letting out a devious chuckle at his discovery.

Before you can properly answer, Carmy’s fingers are dancing over your wet heat, earning well deserved gasps from you as you buck your hips into his hand, a sudden possessiveness taking over.

“Fuck, Carm,” you groan, knowing exactly how to wind him up. “Yeah. Might have to punish me for it.”

“Think so, sweet girl,” Carmy mutters, before his mouth is on yours again.

———————————

It’s your last night at the Langham hotel and you and Carmy have barely left your room – save for the trip to the pool downstairs. You find yourself curled up with your husband, your head buried in the book you're halfway through in a cozy silk PJ set as Carmy works on something else, a few pages deep into his new sketchbook.

“How’s your book?” he asks, his focus still on the page before him.

“Good,” you answer quietly, looking for a good place to pause. You look over at him, smiling as you notice the very cute face he makes when he’s concentrating.

“Watcha workin’ on?”

A light blush runs across Carmy’s cheeks as he prepares to show you.

“Uh… just been sketchin’ up some ideas… you know. Ever since you asked about, you know… the tattoo,” Carmy answers, suddenly feeling shy about showing you his work.

“Yeah?” you ask, only to be met with a nod as Carmy hands you the sketchbook.

You take it, your eyes eagerly scanning the page, considering it’s the first time since you gave him the gift that he’s let you see anything he’s been working on. You smile, a look of awe in your eyes as you take in all of the little food-related tattoos that he’s drawn up.

“I like this one,” you say, pointing to the nest of spaghetti he’s drawn, clearly meant to be a single portion of carbonara. “I mean, I like all of them… but I like this one.”

“Yeah?” he asks, only a little surprised that you like any of them really.

“Yeah,” you nod in response. You look down at his work, then back up to Carmy before gesturing towards the page. “May I?”

“Uh… sure,” he answers anxiously, the sound of the page turning only magnifying his nerves.

He’s so incredibly talented that it hurts, and it’s not till you get back to the very first page, the one where he's drawn you in the bathtub that your heart stops.

“Carmy,” you gasp, looking down at the sketch.

“You hate it,” he’s quick to say, offering up a way out, almost too eager to beat you to the punch if that is how you feel.

“Baby, of course I don’t hate it. I-,” you shake your head, marveling at the drawings below as you trace your fingers over the broader strokes of the pen. “It’s just… no one’s ever drawn me before so. I’m kind of… in awe right now.”

Carmy inhales, then lets out the breath on a deep exhale, because he’s drawn you before – considering he’s barely made time for his art in the last five years anyways – and that they just aren’t things he’s shown you yet.

“What do you think?” is all he asks, his eyes searching your face for a reaction.

“I think,” you say, returning his gaze with yours. You can tell that he’s nervous, that this feels extremely vulnerable, and you know exactly how to pivot. “... that you’re incredibly talented… and it’s really, really not fair.”

He laughs.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he replies, brushing off the compliment.

“No, I mean it, Bear,” you harp, making sure he hears you.

“Okay,” he nods, and you know it’s the best you’re going to get when it comes to him accepting your compliment on the spot.

You take a beat, before handing him his sketchbook back, returning your attention to your book as the two of you settle into a quiet rhythm of spending time with each other. This is exactly how you pictured this weekend going – spending time together, doing absolutely nothing, and fucking all day long. You’re not quite ready to go back to real life yet, but you also miss Aioli, and you know you and Carmy have another shot at this when you go on your real honeymoon in a few months.

“Maybe I should bring this with me… you know… on our honeymoon part two,” Carmy says, gesturing towards his sketchbook. It warms your heart to see him so excited, so inspired and relaxed.

“Definitely,” you reply with a smile. “Let’s do it all over again in a few months. When we go to Japan.”

“You wanna take a bath?” you ask, an implied, ‘you said you would join me’ in your voice as you ask the question.

Carmy licks his lips, a small smile threatening the corners of his mouth as he answers,

“Deal.”

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banggyu0308 · 9 months

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Welcome To...

banggyu0308's 1k celebration!!

When I first started this blog in April of this year, the idea of having one thousand people who liked my writing enough to hit that little blue follow button sounded so out of reach that it never even crossed my mind. The fact that I reached this milestone before even reaching four months of being on this blog is absolutely insane to me. Thank you to everyone who's been with me from the start, and to the newcomers who arrive each day.

Now, time for the fun!!

My inbox will be open for milestone-related asks until September 15, 2023, 0:00 ET. One individual may send up to ten asks related to the celebration during this time period. This applies to individuals with multiple accounts as well. Any and all asks sent between August 15th and September 1st will automatically be assumed as part of the celebration and will be answered with the tag 'but i luv u — 💙'

Asks you send must include at least one of the following:

— 1-2 prompts

prompts from my sfw and nsfw prompt lists (you may mix between lists or use two from one!) along with the txt member(s) you'd like me to write it for. prompts will be turned into fics at least 1k words in length and the published fics will be linked on this post. (nsfw list is under my 'adas hard hours' tag, which means you will be unable to see it if you have it blocked.)

— 1-5 photos

photos can be sent by themselves as a prompt for me to write a story off of. they can also be sent along with a prompt as an example of the outfit/hair you want the idol(s) to have in the fic. you may also send in a photo of something you'd like the reader to wear. please specify if you'd like sfw or nsfw if it's just a photo by itself.

if on anon, photos can be sent through a google or pinterest link, exampled here, here, and here.

— any amount of questions for me!

i will not answer personal questions surrounding me, my family, or anyone i know in real life, such as questions about where I/they live, work, go to school, etc. anything else is welcome! you my also ask my 'top 5' of anything

— a request for a song recommendation or a custom-made playlist!

you may request as many playlists or recommendations as you want! you can either send a song for me to form a recommendation or playlist around, or you can just ask for a random one! you may also ask to know the songs on MY specific playlists (such as mood playlists or my playlists for the txt members), songs i'm listening to right now, or my favorite artists. You can also ask what song(s) i associate with you, or an idol.

— wildcard

choose a number between 1-10 and get something special! if you choose a wildcard, tell me a little about your personality, hobbies, likes, dislikes, ideal career, and who your bias/wreckers in txt are! if you choose numbers 9 or 10, i also need your favorite song. hurry up! there are only two slots for each wildcard number, so choose fast! (please only send in one wildcard request!! we want to make sure everyone who wants to gets a chance 💙)

Of course, additional conversational asks are welcome as well, but will also be answered with the same tag!

#ada speaks :)#but i luv u — 💙#adas 1k event #txt smut #txt fluff #txt x reader

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amourdivine · 7 months

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𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃 💌 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 𝐓𝐎𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔?

At last, another Tumblr pick a card reading. After reading started on Youtube, I've realized I missed the written PAC's I used to make once I got to Tumblr. Today, let's take a peek at this person's intentions! I hope you enjoy it & please don’t forget to provide feedback, if you will; If you liked this reading, please consider booking a paid reading or tipping me at @ [email protected]! xo. ♡

follow me on my socials. youtube ✨ instagram

none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise.

how to choose your pile. take deep breaths for a few minutes & look at each and every one of the piles separately. which pile sparks a feeling inside you? which pile gives you a strong memory or calls out to you the most? take your time and feel free to come back to it later.

♡ ♡ ♡ pick a card masterlist & information.

disclaimer. this is a general reading for entertainment purposes. tarot is a divination tool & is not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i do not take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings.

amourdivine. 2021 - 2023 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

PILE 001.

the artist • the lovers • the hierophant

It is possible you are in a relationship with this person, and if not, they wish to be in a relationship with you soon. This person wants commitment, they have a vision of a life with you, but they may be wrapped up in perfectionism - nothing major. They want to make sure you have a solid foundation to grow upon, like laying the groundwork for a good relationship to blossom. This person is very patient as well, I'm sensing Capricorn or Taurus. They think you're very beautiful, pretty much the whole package, pile one.

The Artist in this deck is an extra major arcana card (I'm using the Ethereal Visions Tarot) that speaks of vision and I honestly believe this person envisions more than just a casual relationship with you. Even if they take their sweet time, they want to make sure both of you are compatible, ready for something deeper, for a responsible and mature relationship to one another. Overall, I see very pure, gentle and benevolent intentions from them towards you. ♡

additional messages. pluto in scorpio, long distance relationship, long term commitment, far away/distance, old school, 95, 90, travel, sagittarius, 333, 888, ten of cups, lover of mine, forever, secure attachment.

channeled song. caroline by patrick droney.

♡ ♡ ♡ if you enjoyed this reading, please consider tipping me via paypal @ [email protected]!

PILE 002.

judgement • justice • ten of pentacles.

Whether romantic or not, this person wants to apologize to you. They want to make it right, correct their wrongs and come clean to you. If this person lied or screwed up big time in your connection, they want to tell you they've learnt their lesson. It probably came as a bitter, rude awakening or some sort of very unwanted wake-up call. I think they reminisce on a lot of memories the two of you made and it's possible you've known them for a long time - I see some sort of family tie here. Either you know each other's families or you are literally like family to one another.

They want to talk to you so bad, pile two. There are so many songs in my head (and shuffled in my playlist) about apologizing, righting one's wrongs and wanting to be in one another's life again. I think they want to make amends and finally be honest. I get the energy from you that you're "done" with them, you may have gotten tired of their excuses or empty promises... but if you haven't, consider hearing them out. They're sorry and want to provide you some closure at the very least. ♡

additional messages. scorpio rising, end of the world, bad blood, bastille, wild youth, reckless, "you were my best friend", "how could you", ten of swords, teen drama, betrayal, party animal.

channeled song. blender by 5 seconds of summer.

♡ ♡ ♡ if you enjoyed this reading, please consider tipping me via paypal @ [email protected]!

PILE 003.

queen of pentacles • ten of wands • seven of pentacles

The energy of this pile feels more platonic, but it can still be romantic for some of you. Either way, this seems like someone who wants to care for you in some type of way, to ease your burdens, to let you rely on them. Their intentions are pure, but you may not be used to accepting help from anyone, pile three. It's understandable.

However, I think this is someone other people may often label as a "safe person". I also heard "earth angel", so some of you may resonate with the term. This person wants to offer you a way out of a difficult situation and I don't see them being forceful or pushy about it, so they'll wait until you ask for them to help you or to accept their help. They see the potential in you to have a brilliant and good future. For some of you, this could be an older figure, like a mother or grandmother, maybe a teacher or someone who's already well-established in their profession. This person wants to ease your anxiety and to make sure you don't feel so alone. They care for you a lot. I think your guides want you to rely on people a bit more often, pile three, to become more interdependent, especially if you're going through something. ♡

additional messages. "count on me", sit on the rooftop, friendship, reconnect, burnout, 777, growth, sustainability, college, agriculture, blossom, bloom, midlife crisis, triggers, red alert, hypervigilance.

channeled song. thinking about you by forester.

♡ ♡ ♡ if you enjoyed this reading, please consider tipping me via paypal @ [email protected]!

PILE 004.

five of swords • the emperor • the fool

I was really hoping all piles would pass the vibe check (lol), but it seems that this person's intentions are muddy... I feel like I'm slowly drowning in quicksand but it's hard to tell if I'm truly in danger or not. Their intentions aren't all that clear, but these intentions aren't good. They seem to be someone driven by a need for control towards others. If you have argued or had a falling out with this person, they do wish to reconnect but I don't think they have changed. The Fool here feels more so like you, as if they want to make a fool out of you.

I wouldn't consider this person an enemy, but they're more of a frenemy. They may say things that hurt you, but talk their way out of an apology. Here's the thing, even if they do wish to reconnect, as I mentioned, I don't think they want to make right by you. They miss some sort of power they felt or even had over you. This person could be very competitive and perhaps having you in their life gave them a kind of advantage over others - they may see things as very "black & white", no nuance or dialogue. It will definitely do you good to stay away from them, pile three. I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I think you already caught onto this person's sneaky ways. ♡

additional messages. player, loser, aries, gemini, "i could never figure you out", "i hate you for what you did", drake, leave me blue, trouble, playlist, dubstep, losing faith, outta here, liar.

channeled song. who by lauv ft. bts | twin flame by montana janel (bonus song + the lyrics are very relevant)

♡ ♡ ♡ if you enjoyed this reading, please consider tipping me via paypal @ [email protected]!

amourdivine. © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

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vintagetvstars · 12 days

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Nichelle Nichols Vs. Yvonne Craig

Propaganda

Nichelle Nichols - (Star Trek) - She speaks for herself. Legendary, iconic, at the forefront of feminism and civil rights in the 60s, she is a triple threat who did so much more. She volunteered from 1977 to promote recruitment diversity within NASA, including some of the first female and ethnic minority astronauts. Martin Luther King Jr. compared her work on Star Trek as a 'vital role model' to the civil rights marches. She refused to be dismissed, fought for visibility and shone whilst doing so. As a woman in stem, and simply a woman she means the world and stars above to me.

Yvonne Craig - (Batman, Star Trek) - 7 year old me didn't know she was a lesbian but she sure knew she liked batgirl

Master Poll List of the Hot Vintage TV Ladies Bracket

Additional propaganda below the cut

Nichelle Nichols:

She is the original badass babe. She was a black woman in a leading role on TV in the 60s, a trailblazer for black actresses for years to come. She is so beautiful and so awesome.

she's fantastic. have you seen her? paved the way for black actresses on TV even while her lines and scenes were being cut and improvised the most iconic uhura line in the series. (sulu: "I'll save you, fair maiden!" uhura, pushing him away: "sorry, neither!") she's incredibly talented and it's a crime the show didn't give her more screen time (or make her sing more often because she also has a beautiful voice!)

“Sorry, neither” in response to “fair maiden” was ad libbed by her. There’s a lot more I could say but what else do you need??

A sci-fi icon!

She was such a trailblazer, and Uhura was such an important character for so many people to be able to see on TV. Apparently Mae Jemison (the first African American woman to go into space) cited her as a reason she wanted to become an astronaut. She was just an absolute legend!

The story of Martin Luther King telling her not to quit Star Trek gives me chills. Representation matters. “Thank you so much, Dr. King. I’m really going to miss my co-stars.” Dr. King's smile, Nichols recalled, vanished from his face. "He said, 'What are you talking about?'" the actress explained. "I told him. He said, 'You cannot,' and so help me, this man practically repeated verbatim what Gene said. He said, 'Don’t you see what this man is doing, who has written this? This is the future. He has established us as we should be seen. 300 years from now, we are here. We are marching. And this is the first step. When we see you, we see ourselves, and we see ourselves as intelligent and beautiful and proud.' He goes on and I’m looking at him and my knees are buckling. I said, 'I…, I…' And he said, 'You turn on your television and the news comes on and you see us marching and peaceful, you see the peaceful civil disobedience, and you see the dogs and see the fire hoses, and we all know they cannot destroy us because we are there in the 23rd Century.'"

She shared the first interracial kiss on Star Trek, helped propel real life African American women into space-related careers, and looks divine in a mini skirt.

HOW DID UHURA WALK BACKWARDS SO FAR??? WOW!

#vintage tv stars poll #tv ladies 1 #nichelle nichols #yvonne craig

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 10 months

Text

Hi everyone,

I found a helpful article from ADDitude talking about ways to stop catastrophizing.

This excerpt is going to be somewhat long, so I apologize in advance:

3 Ways to Stop Catastrophizing:

To shift toxic worry into something productive, you need to first recognize that you are catastrophizing. This happens when your brain’s amygdala (the fight, flight or freeze) organ in the limbic system-the emotional region) figuratively takes over your thinking brain (your prefrontal cortex) by activating adrenaline and cortisol. Your entire being is focused on obtaining safety and feeling secure. Basically, the part of you that runs from tigers and steps aside from racing cars begins controlling all your responses.

1. Dismantle the “What-Ifs”

To regain control, turn down the volume on your catastrophic thinking by remembering past successes, tools, interventions, and statements you’ve used to overcome perceived dangers. When I’m in a “what-if” spiral, I shift my thinking to “What could go right?”

Follow your “what-ifs” to the end of the line. Ask yourself, “What if this happened? And then what? And what if that happened? And then what?” Keep going until there’s some resolution. Can you live with that resolution?

Try to consider best-case outcomes in addition to worst-case scenarios. What might happen that could be positive? Can I predict any happiness instead of pain?

2. Set Up a Buddy System

Toxic worry intensifies in isolation. So, set up a buddy system with someone you trust who can offer a different perspective. Who could you call or text if you’re in a poisonous worry spiral? Do you have a therapist, coach, or counselor? Whether you are concerned about perfectionism, personal relationships, or sociopolitical injustices, who could be your ally in these dark moments?

3. Create a Plan

Come up with a plan for escaping your next spiral. Make a list of self-soothing actions to take when worry rears its ugly head. Post it somewhere accessible, like on your phone or sticky notes at home. Your plan can include settle-me-down phrases such as “I’m afraid, and I know how to be brave” or “Things work out, keep breathing.” It can also contain a list of activities to slow your reactivity, such as drinking a glass of water, walking outside, cuddling a pet, getting a hug, etc. Here are some more ideas:

Exercise. Daily exercise pumps up your endorphins, which bathe your brain with good feelings. When I wake up feeling “ugh,” a run or bike ride gets me out of my negative headspace.

Create a playlist. Categorize songs into different playlists on your phone, label them “angry songs,” “sad songs,” “happy songs,” “how-to-stop-worrying songs,” etc.

Practice mindfulness to interrupt the pattern of negative thinking. Meditate. Do yoga. Listen to the birds. Drink a cup of tea. Do a crossword puzzle. Play Wordle.

Try triangle breathing. Breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, and exhale slowly for six counts. Do several rounds of this.

As always, the full article will be linked below if anyone wants to read more. I hope many of you found this helpful.

ADHD

Catastrophizing

#adhd #adhd post #adhd problems #adhd and Catastrophizing #a guide on how to stop Catastrophizing #adhd and worrying #adhd and mental health #adhd awareness #adhd acceptance #source: ADDitude #feel free to reblog/share if you’d like #tw bright colors #tw eye strain

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buckybarnesevents · 3 months

Text

ALTERNATE JUNE-IVERSE 2024

You read that correct, little astronauts!

𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐧 𝐀𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐞-𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 is back for 𝐑𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝟐 in 2024!

Things are operating very similar to the first round, but please click the Read More below to refresh yourself on the way this event runs.

RULES

Be sure to check out the blanket event rules found HERE.

Due to the nature of all media and works within this event, it is only for those that are 18 and older – upon signing up you acknowledge that you are not a minor.

Any kind of hate (kink bashing/shaming, harassment, toxic behaviour, etc.) will not be tolerated at any point. There will be no warnings given and if proven to have exhibited any disagreeable behaviours, you will be removed from the event.

Tag your works accordingly. We expect explicit works, and that will contain squicks, triggers, etc. We believe in Kinktomato here. YKINMKATOK (Your Kink Is Not My Kink (And That’s OK) but you are responsible for advising our readers what to expect.

This event, as always, is open to any and all pairings that involve our favourite murder muffin! If you’re finding that inspiration isn’t coming to you with just Bucky, we will also allow up to two squares per card to feature a different Sebastian Stan persona (Sebastian himself, Steve Kemp, Max Burnett, etc.)

The AU’s are entirely up to your interpretation, so long as they are featured prominently in your creation.

Read our FAQs thoroughly for event conduct, swapping prompts, schedule and more!

FAQs

What is a Connect Four event?

Simple! It’s very similar to a Bingo Event, where you will receive a card with four categories.

What happens if we finish our card?

You can request additional cards! Please only request a new card once you have finished your current card. If you are not happy with the prompts on your card, please request a swap for that square/those squares. You can request one swap per card, up to four squares (yes, you can ask for a whole new card).

If there's a square you don't vibe with, please use our Square Swap Form to begin the process of either requesting up to 2 new squares, or an entirely new card. The email must include your username, card number and the square + prompt you are purging from your card.

Can we use a fill for another event as well (ie. another bingo, etc)?

Absolutely! So long as the other event allows it, we have no rules against cross-posting.

How do I post to the AO3 collection?

Under collections (when posting), type in Connect 4: Into an Alternate June-iverse or Connect4AU

You can also add your work directly from the collection by going to https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Connect4AURound2 and selecting “post to collection” on the top right.

What fills are accepted?

Any creative media is accepted:

Fics Moodboards Digital / traditional art (sketches, too)! Playlists Etc.

If there is a medium not listed that you want to create and you’re not sure about, shoot us an ask and we will add it to the list!

All work must be newly uploaded to count towards the fill (no entering a fic you published a few months ago, for example). They may count towards already existing AU’s that you write for (a new chapter for an ongoing fic), or they can be something brand new – it is entirely up to you.

ALL ENTRIES MUST BE YOUR OWN WORK.

What pairings are allowed?

Any. Whether that be /Reader, /Steve, /Reader/Steve, /Natasha, /Clint – so long as Bucky is still the main character.

Is there a limit to submissions?

Absolutely not. You are free to create as many works / pieces of media that you feel inspired for – whether that be 5 fics for a Mafia AU square, or 10. It does not matter.

Schedule:

19th of January – Signups open

WHENEVER you receive your card, you can begin posting

1st of June – Submissions close

You can sign up to this event from the 19th of January right through until the end – keep in mind that we are aiming for cards to be in your inbox within 3 days of you signing the form – though we are only human, there may be delays.

If you have concerns or if it takes longer than 5 days, please email us or tag rookthorne / buckyismybicycle on the discord server, and we will check the progress.

#bucky barnes event #BBE #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fandom #bucky barnes fanart #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel event #event page

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onlyoneofyouu · 1 year

Text

A Summary of Tomorrow X Together's storyline

While waiting for the new album, The Name Chapter: Temptation, to come out, I decided to write a summary of TXT's storyline, focusing on the main themes, motifs and references of the music videos to get a general picture of it!

Feel free to share your insights and/or theories, or to point it out if you see any inaccuracies!

Edit: I'm in the process of correcting a few things and properly add The Chaos Chapter and Minisode 2 to the picture!

— DISCLAIMER

Just a warning that I'm going to leave behind some additional details and references for this, because:

there are way too many and I still don't know all of them (yet) lol;

as I said, this is made to be a summary focusing on the main motifs;

I still need to fully catch up with the webnovel on Wattpad that has lots of more info;

I don't want to overwhelm you, especially if this is your first approach to the storyline!

— PLAYLISTS

I created playlists on both Youtube and Spotify with the songs in the order I'm going to talk about today:

YouTube playlist here

contains music videos in the storyline order to watch while reading!

Spotify playlist here

includes some b-sides, but in this summary I'm only going to focus on those with a music video and the title tracks, so feel free to skip if they are not mentioned!

In this post, I'm going to add only those specifically needed to be watched to follow and understand my analysis. All the others are in the YouTube playlist anyway :)

Okay, now we are ready to start!

— WHAT'S THEIR STORY ABOUT?

TXT's story is about growth: they talk about the transition from adolescence to adulthood and all those changes that characterise it, the fear and refusal to grow up, the desire to stay young forever.

They tackle the theme both explicitly, through music videos and lyrics set in our time, and through symbolism using a fantasy plot with magical elements.

Actually, we could say that their storyline is a story inside a story : the fairytale, in which they find refuge from the real world in a magical one, Magic Island, is the story of the board game (in the Dungeon's & Dragon's style) or the videogame they are playing in the real world to "escape reality". This is why both the fairytale concept and the game concept are crucial to understand the storyline!

— IS THERE A MULTIVERSE?

My answer is yes, there is. As we're going to see, there are various ways in which their story develops and can be developed.

Additionally, last year Hybe announced the release of a Webtoon and a Wattpad webnovel to further elaborate TXT's storyline, both called "The Star Seekers". These two differ from each other and from the storyline narrated through the music videos: they talk about their alter egos called Star One, idols in a version of the real world where magic also exists. However, as I said earlier, we won't go into the details of it and we will stick to the basic storyline related to the music!

— THE STORYLINE

Now let's see how their story unfolds through the albums Chapters, their songs and related music videos. We, of course, start our journey with...

THE DREAM CHAPTER: STAR

– NAP OF A STAR

youtube

🎶 Memories of childhood dancing in the sky / Even if it's fading away now 🎶

This song and its music video tell us about the origins and also the final goal of the group. When TXT were still children they met for the first time, played together and made a promise to each other and with a Star: "even if we were to part, we will find each other".

They actually separate and consequently the light of the Star goes out. Why is that? Well, how many points does a classic star have? ⭐ Five, right? And how many members does TXT have? Five! Each one of them is a part of the Star, and without them united there is no Star: the Star symbolizes their friendship. ✨ The power of friendship ✨ is the key to their whole story. This also explains why in choreos often TXT form stars by uniting their bodies.

from: 1) TDC:MAGIC concept trailer, 2) MMA 2019 performance intro, 3) MMA 2022 performance intro.

Years go by and TXT enter adolescence, symbolically represented by the development of physical peculiarities: Yeonjun has horns, Soobin long ears, Taehyun an eye with a star, Beomgyu thorns on his shoulders and Hueningkai wings.

Yeonjun, scared by the horns, runs away into the woods, thinking he has become a monster. Here, for the first time, he meets the blue and green eyed Cat that will haunt us for the rest of our days (😔), he gets wounded in the throat and runs away terrified. The Cat here symbolises all the scary and dangerous aspects of the world we come in contact with once we leave our childhood.

Refusing his new condition (and therefore change and growth), Yeonjun snaps one of his horns. He is then rescued by HueningKai and the rest of the group, and now that they're together again the Star turns on once again! This is what should happen at the end of aaaall the journey, but the road is long and rough...

– CROWN

🎶 Are you my savior who found me alone? / Who you, you? / Are your wings created from the same pain as mine? 🎶

The lyrics tells us what we saw in Nap of a Star: entering adolescence, symbolized by the sprouting of horns, not knowing who you are and wanting to run away. But TXT are not alone in their pain and confusion: when they meet, upon discovering that each of them has something peculiar and is facing the same struggles, they are reassured and no longer feel alone. And so, the horns form a "crown": they are no longer something monstrous to be ashamed of, but a symbol, almost of pride, of what one is facing.

🎶 This moment of my name being called 🎶

This is the first time TXT mentions “names”, a main motif of the storyline we are going to further elaborate.

The symbolism of the colors, mirrors, windows and props in the music video announce events of the storyline we're going to elaborate later as well.

– CAT & DOG

🎶 Oh my God, what the heck is this feeling? / I become a puppy when I see you 🎶

Believe it or not, even this one has relevance to the storyline! 😆

TXT's are dealing with their first crush, they want to be with them always, they are clingy like a puppy looking for affection. It ties to 0x1=Lovesong, Lo$er=Lo♡er and Good Boy Gone Bad, but also to Puma! As we will see, the "dog" represents their "good side", while the "puma" their "bad side".

obligatory FEEL LIKE CINDERELLA NAEGABYONJE LET'S PLAY FOREVER I JUST WANNA BE YO' DOG WOOF WOOF WOOF

Now let's move on to...

THE DREAM CHAPTER: MAGIC

– ANGEL OR DEVIL

🎶 Tell me, what should I choose / Either angel and devil / This struggle in my head 🎶

As it can be read in Cat&Dog lyrics, that are also referenced in this song in the third verse during Yeonjun’s rap, TXT usually act naughty (devil), but with their crush they behave like angels. In this song they talk about struggling with convincing themselves to confess to them.

🎶 "It's gotta be you", "You're the one love" (...) / Again the angel says, "firstly slow down / What if you lose all, forever?" 🎶

TXT's good side (the angel) starts to doubt their friendship and to think that maybe their love for their crush actually is salvation.

🎶 Spinning round and round again, the worries of Moebius 🎶

Reference is also made to the Moebius strip. What is that? Common strips, seen as surfaces like any other, always have two faces. If we walk on one face, we cannot find ourselves on the other, right? In the Möbius strip, on the other hand, you can! This is because it is obtained by joining the two ends of a strip after having given it half a twist.

The Moebius strip has been used in relation to time travel theories, as a possible way to have a loop, specifically an infinite number of possible attempts to change the course of events.

Whether the Moebius time loop is a single universe, or that each "side" is a parallel universe, is something debatable.

So, what does this have to do with TXT? As we will see, someone in the group has the ability to have premonitions about the future and this leads him/the group to try to change the course of events, especially by rewinding time.

In terms of the game they are playing:

rewinding time = playing again;

parallel universe = different modes of action to try change the results.

This song connects to the fantasy storyline not only though lyrics, but also with the drawings in the music video:

the Cat

TXT are divided into two sides: Yeonjun and Taehyun have devilish attributes, Soobin and Beomgyu have angelic attributes. This could symbolise which side of them, good or bad, has more power over the other.

HueningKai, on the contrary, is standing in the middle of the group and has both horns and angel wings, that can be either angel wings, as we see in Nap of a Star (his good side), or demon wings, as we will see in Eternally (his bad side).

– MAGIC ISLAND

youtube

🎶 Remember our star song / We were stars in it / The melody that was shining with dreams / Don't forget, forever 🎶

When TXT met again as teenagers but they don't remember the promise (it’s a song, quick, act surprised!) they made as children, nor that they already met.

🎶 Our clumsy promises / A small island from which secrets began 🎶

In the music video we see that Soobin starts having strange dreams/nightmares about the five of them, but he can't seem to open up to the group about it. This is where they start keeping secrets from each other.

In the meantime, they have discovered a magical portal, in this case the train (that references Harry Potter), which leads to a magical world, where they can escape from reality: Magic Island (reminiscent of "Neverland" by Peter Pan), where they spend their time playing.

IMPORTANT DETAILS in the video:

(min 6:40) Soobin's cell phone shows 5:54 pm, one minute after 5:53 pm aka blue hour, the moment when the space that separates the real world from the magical one it's thinner and allows you to travel between them! So, when TXT travel between Magic Island and reality, there’s always going to be 5:53 and the sunset involved.

Soobin hears strange noises: if we connect his peculiar feature, long elf ears, with the dreams, it symbolizes his prophetic being!

Yeonjun hears it too though, and this time it can be noticed that it resembles the sound of a bell. Who often wears bells around their necks? Cats. Moreover, in the story of Peter Pan, the fairy who always accompanies him is called Tinkerbell and it is her magic dust that tempts children, because it can allow them to fly. We could then overlap the elements: Peter Pan = Cat, Tinkerbell = Temptations.

Why are only the two of them aware of this disturbance? We said that Soobin perceives it thanks to his prescient nature, Yeonjun because he is the most tempted of all and he is the one who will make a deal with the Cat.

Yeonjun injures his finger while lighting the bonfire and we need to keep that in mind for the next song!

TXT then have the great idea of making fireworks, in a forest, starting a fire: it can be seen as a metaphor for the destruction that their dark sides can bring, and for the troubles that adolescence leads us to make.

At this point the Cat finally shows up and, in the form of a train, runs over the group. The Cat is a shape-shifter 👀 and he's the one that brought TXT to Magic Island, like Peter Pan did with the Lost Boys.

Each of them is struck by excruciating pain in the parts of the body where their peculiar features are, and in the end, they lay on the ground, dead... in terms of (video)game they lost the current match.

At the end of the video we see a dragon, which symbolizes the biggest obstacle they will have to face. In the (video)game version it's basically the final boss.

Going back to the lyrics for a second…

🎶 A familiar and unfamiliar river (…) / Remember our star song (…) / Don't forget that night / You can't forget this place (…) / Remember us here? (…) / That cat with the different eyes (Mm-mm) / I'm tired of those eyes 🎶

TXT reset the game (or die at Magic Island and then come back to it again) trying to win against the Cat and everytime they do it they forget what happened last time they played: everytime they play as if it was tge first time. With the concept of R, AR, and VR of Minisode 1 this was further confirmed.

This also ties in with their ultimate goal, which is to remember their promise, the star’s song.

– RUN AWAY

youtube

🎶 The train is departing / Bibbidi bobbidi our magic island / When we go through this tunnel / When we open our eyes / Our dreams become reality 🎶

TXT want to escape from real life because it's too boring, painful and scary ...the amount of details in this video is scary... we'll only talk about the essential ones:

HueningKai draws two lines on the ground with chalks, one yellow and one blue, which intertwine and surround the school, with TXT inside of it. I won't tell you what that means yet because we'll come back to it later, but keep it in mind 👀

Soobin instead draws a door on the blackboard: a reference to the portals that lead them to Magic Island. We will soon find out why he is the one who draws it. When he puts on the 3D glasses, the door takes shape and opens, and a pentagram appears, a magical symbol consisting of a five-pointed star generally inscribed in a circle and used as a ritual tool.

Remember that Yeonjun injured his finger on Magic Island? His finger is injured at the beginning of Run Away! After TXT died at Magic Island, they went back to the real world, not remembering of having been there, as we explained earlier. If we talk in video game terms it makes more sense: their character lost the game and Yeojun’s got injuried so he has less HP (life points) than before. As for D&D, whenever a character dies or mess up or gets a low roll when rolling the dice, they can go back in time and start again, and this is exactly what they do in Run Away.

Besides, Yeonjun is the one that lights the bonfire in Magic Island, and in this video he is the one who sets things on fire. What does it symbolize? That he's the one who plays with fire, who takes risks and gets into trouble, even if his intentions are good.

Beomgyu puts a plaster on Yeonjun: he is the healer of the group in terms of powers. He’s also the one who brings the fire extinguisher to put out the burning book, but the flames do not go out: Beomgyu can't fix Yeonjun's or others troubles, no matter how hard he tries. The thorns on his shoulders therefore also represent him taking on the problems of others.

Taehyun instead reads a book titled "how to put out the fire": he is the rational one, the observer, the investigator, and we know that his characteristic is the eye.

At the end of the video, they go back to Magic Island during the sunset. This time the magical passage is a door at the bottom of the pool instead of the train.

Again, Yeonjun is the cause of another door (symbolizing coming of age) catching fire, while he leaves behind a teddy bear (symbolizing childhood) which Taehyun picks up.

The "rewinding time" motif returns in the lyrics:

🎶 When this night is nearly ending / Rewind the clock, rewind now / The forbidden games and this magic hour

As we said, TXT move to Magic Island during the sunset, but when night falls they are forced to return to the real world. And so, they roll back the clock (or restart the game) to return, something they shouldn't do ("forbidden games") since this way they are stuck in a loop of childhood, but they should grow up.

– RUN AWAY JAPANESE VER.

The video introduces us to the concept that the fantasy aspect of the story doesn't happen in real life: Magic Island is actually the location of the game they play after school to escape their reality. I still haven't deepened this one, so this is all i'm gonna say about it!

– THE DOOM'S NIGHT

youtube

This is where The Dooms Night animation comes in, summarizing their story in all its versions.

Details we are interested in:

connects to Webtoon/webnovel for the idols using magic;

there is an 18-sided dice which symbolizes the parallel universes, and it’s magical: it can open portals and show visions of the future to Soobin, the one who finds it;

Kai is approached by an evil shadow in a moment of "weakness": it's a temptation that is trying to bring out the bad side of him.

Yeonjun makes a deal with the Cat: what is it about? Relating to the Webtoon/Wattpad, having more power to protect and save his friends from enemies, but it comes at a price...

we see TXT playing as children, each of them has a role in the game:

Yeonjun = paladin/knight

Soobin = elf archer/ranger

Beomgyu = druid/mentalist

Taehyun = sorcerer/adventurer

HueningKai = mystic/bard

there's the dragon, and it turns out that the weapon to defeat him is "the song of a star" aka the promise they made as children.

Next we have...

THE DREAM CHAPTER: ETERNITY

– CAN'T YOU SEE ME

youtube

🎶 Can’t you see me? / Like on that magical day, say “Believe me” / (…) My friends don't understand me, no 🎶

Remember when with Run Away we talked about Soobin not being able to open up to the members about his dreams? Well, this makes him feel isolated, distance is created between the group as time goes by because everyone feels there are secrets between them. In the video we see exactly that.

Details we are interested in:

"who's a liar? " sings Soobin, and in the choreography he crosses his fingers behind his back: he is the liar, because he doesn't open up completely with the others and therefore omits knowledge that concerns them all.

the lyrics refer to the promise they made as children, e.g. "like on that magical day, say believe me"

Beomgyu with the red light = his dark side. Beomgyu is another member of the group who feels left out, we'll go into that later with another song. Also, him being a druid, which is related to nature, explains his duality: he can be the kindest and most caring person in the world (healing nature), but at the same time he can become violent (cruel nature): we see him smothering Taehyun with a blanket. Why him? The two often clash in the storyline, as we will again see, because they see things and act in opposite ways. It could also be because Taehyun discovered a secret of Beomgyu and the latter feels threatened.

Yeonjun whose hands are covered in tomato sauce, which stands for blood: Yeonjun tries to protect the group and, although his intentions are good, he gets into big trouble putting them all in danger. When fire appears in the video it is particular linked to Yeonjun (the oven, the house on fire), reconnecting to what we said earlier with Run Away. Yeonjun says "save me": he begs to save him from it all.

In the bridge Soobin sings "bad bad, hoping this is just a painful dream". In the concept trailer of this album there is Drama playing in the background, and the only line sung is "I dreamed this drama": Soobin's dreams are coming true, being premonitions.

In the final pose of the choreo, if you look closely, it seems that they are removing masks from their faces: each of them is wearing a mask because they are not sincere with the others, their dark side takes over.

– ETERNALLY

youtube

🎶 please stop this recurring nightmare everynight / tell me the meaning of this sad dream / my heart deep in this memory maze, save me 🎶

There is a LOT to say here. The video (which is 19 minutes, after all) is divided into sections and we're going to follow them.

1) Night of the Last day

First of all we see TXT with their monstrous features in a dark version, they are in a stadium destroyed by the dragon (as seen in The Doom's Night we talked about earlier). Soobin looks around and has a book in his hand, takes it to Yeonjun but sees him wounded and gets scared, waking up: this is one of Soobin's visions of the future, the Doom’s Day in which they will have to face their worst enemy.

This song is also connected to the Webtoon/Wattpad because we see TXT as idols in the video. Now, when the alarm goes off in the rehearsal room, not just Soobin, but everyone has visions. Important details:

the clock goes back from 10 to 9 with the second’s hand;

Soobin sees writing on the glass that says "Remember my name".

2) Song of a Star

Soobin finds himself in an amusement park and finds the magic dice on the ground. Then, a little boy arrives: it's HueningKai as a child, Soobin recognizes him by the way he wears his shoes. This upsets him, due to the fact that he doesn't remember the past and doesn't fully understand those dreams that are exhausting him.

A ghost girl comes to console him. As we said before, TXT think that their crush is salvation, that's why they identify the "girl" with the Star. But she's also a representation of MOAs who stand by TXT’s side and support them.

3) Promises

Yeonjun finds himself in the destroyed stadium and sees himself dead as well as the eyes of the Cat. He sees the consequences of his actions.

At the end of his section it reads: "I thought it was salvation, then": Yeonjun is going to think that the pact is the way to save himself and the others, when instead is going to bring them more harm.

3) Room n.17

Beomgyu is in the midst of infinite mirrors, a reference to the parallel universes, but also to the reflection of himself and therefore to its doppelganger, its dark side which we talked about earlier. The mirrors then turn into a door, number 17, and he peeks inside seeing a future version of himself trying to protect a book from an unidentified person who wants to get it. Suddenly the rage becomes such that thorns sprout on his back. The present Beomgyu takes out his phone to film, while the other Beomgyu appears to have attacked and knocked out the enemy, before turning right at the camera.

5) Moratorium* of Rest

(*a period of time during which a particular activity is stopped)

Taehyun ends in a flower meadow in the dark. In the distance he spots a familiar figure: it's Yeonjun. He calls him but he doesn't answer: realizing that there is something strange he approaches him. Yeonjun is unconscious, wounded in the throat and covered by brambles and flowers: it's a similar scene to the one we saw in The Doom's Night animation, only that here Yeonjun is dead, confirmed by the flowers that change into a skull.

At the end of his section it reads: "We will find a way" (to save Yeonjun and all of them too)

5) Girl of Eternity

HueningKai looks at the door Soobin disappeared from earlier, yelling his name. When he crosses the threshold, he finds himself in a corridor similar to the one Soobin went through: it is reminiscent of the effect that distorts surroundings into lines when traveling very fast, usually at the speed of light, through space-time. This makes me think that this is set in a more distant future.

Then stairs appear with a door at the top: once opened, he finds himself in the sky, and in front of him there's another door suspended in the air, from which the rest of the group comes out. Kai tries to walk in the void to reach them and his feet find a surface that undulates like water.

I still haven't fully understood the meaning of Kai's vision, also because it seems connected with the new chapter, The Name Chapter.

7) Beginning of the End

Finally, TXT are all back in the rehearsal room, the clock starts ticking forward again, and Soobin re-emerges through the door of the room. Everyone seems to not remember their visions (like it always happens with the memories when they leave Magic Island) and goes back to what they were doing before. Soobin, on the contrary, looks at the dice in his hand and at the mirror. Beomgyu films him. The song restarts during its dark verse: on the other side of the mirror is the dark side of TXT.

– PUMA

🎶 West side, east side / Didn't know where to, where to go / West side, east side / It doesn't matter anymore 🎶

It is about a real event: a puma was shot dead by the police after escaping from its enclosure at Daejeon Zoo in September 2018. In addition to taking part in the protest for the incident, "the perspective of the puma finally gaining freedom only to meeting its tragic ending depicts the harsh reality that the TXT members have experienced since they debuted in March 2019, where they were faced with heavy scrutiny from people online as Big Hit Entertainment's latest boy group after BTS." (c. Genius lyrics) This can be found in particular in Yeonjun's rap.

🎶 Still too young to stand alone / This world is a jungle full of warriors / The sight is aiming at your throat / A thousand eyes are accessing the internet / Be careful, your enemies spread in an instant / How long does it take to reach your dream? / Only gunshots spread with that question all the time / So that I can continue to breathe, again run up 🎶

For the storyline it is relevant because it is linked to what we said before with Angel or Devil: the crossroad at which TXT find themselves, having to decide whether to stay on the "good" path or move to the "bad" one. With Puma they seem to chose the second one: they are rebelling and escaping in search of freedom, however dangerous it may be. In fact, they end up making the deal with the Cat, that promises more power and freedom when he actually has them under its control.

– DRAMA JAPANESE VER.

Many theorize that it is set in a parallel universe, in any case it is linked to what is told and seen in CYSM. In the video Beomgyu joins the group but is usually not included in the activities and left behind. He abruptly realizes it when he falls off his bike and the others don't go to help him as he would like/dream.

I put Drama at the end and not before because it connects perfectly to the next song, where we see Beomgyu being the target of others' jokes and feeling left out...

MINISODE1: BLUE HOUR

– BLUE HOUR

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🎶 In that sky / The orange-glowing magic / Before it comes to an end / Freeze this moment / I wanna stay here / In the gap between the two worlds / I wanna be trapped in magic / Clue to stop the sun 🎶

TXT are at Magic Island sitting in a tree that refers to that of the Lost Boys of Peter Pan. The song revolves around 5:53, when the sun sets in October in Korea, the blue hour in which, as we said, you can cross the border between the magical world and the real one. TXT would like to always stay at Magic Island, not by continuing rewinding the time (or replaying the game) but stopping it (stay inside the game forever), but they can't do that.

🎶 The glow of the sunset on my time machine / I know it that the end will come / The sun is down, down / Before you disappear into the night / I take you into my eyes 🎶

Once the night falls, Magic Island shuts down, and we know that means they have to go back to the real world. Beomgyu, who sings "I know that the end will come", seems to be the only one who is fully aware of it, an important detail for the future.

🎶 At the hour between dog and wolf 🎶

Is a very interesting line: this expression is taken from a French saying “L'heure entre chien et loup” and refers to the moments after sunset when the sky darkens and vision becomes unclear, making it difficult to distinguish between dogs and wolves, friends and foe (c. Genius lyrics annotations). We said that TXT are doubting their friendship after all.

But this also connects to the fight between their "good" and "bad" sides: we said that the docile and obedient "dog" is the "good side", while the wild and dangerous "puma", and in this case the "wolf", represents the "bad side".

In the beginning, Soobin sings:

🎶 I really hate the awkwardness, I just laugh / Baby, I know we were special 🎶

Refers to the tensions that now characterize the dynamics of the group. They look back with nostalgia to the days when this was not the case.

🎶 That look in your eyes, like an emptied gift box 🎶

This instead refers to the real name of one of the members 👀 we'll talk about it later.

At the end of the music video we see that autumn has come to Magic Island: the end of their youth is approaching and they can't help it.

– BLUE HOUR JAPANESE VER.

Very similar to the Korean one and I haven't delved into it yet, so let's move on for now.

– WE LOST THE SUMMER

🎶 Cause we lost the summer / When we lost each other / Return my seasons / Oh, it's all gone 🎶

It's not only a song perfectly depicting teenagers and young adults (but adults as well) feelings during the COVID19 Pandemic, it also references their storyline.

We saw that with Blue Hour autumn arrived, and We Lost The Summer brings winter... it's time to explain the seasons motif!

In literature and art, often the seasons have been used as a metaphor for the stages of life:

spring/summer = youth, adolescence

autumn/winter = growth, ageing, adulthood

So, Blue Hour announces that their time on Magic Island, and therefore as children, is coming to an end, and that they will have to face the transition to winter, to adulthood. They're losing the "summer" of their life, and that means losing their escape, Magic Island, as well, because it's not enough anymore for them to escape reality, as we will deepen with The Chaos Chapter and The Name Chapter.

The lyrics focus on the seasons motif for growing up and on the loss of Magic Island:

We also see s blue butterfly, related to Beomgyu but also Taehyun: in Native American cultures it symbolize the transition from summer to winter.

🎶 We lost the sunset, now don't know what to do / Our time has lost the weather / I'm standing still in winter / Eternal winter / I want to see you again, our bright summer / Long gone we lost the summer 🎶

The loss of Magic Island in real life context can be interpreted as TXT not being able to play the game because everywhere is closed due to lockdown, included the arcade where we saw them play in Run Away Japanese version!

Another detail: mirrors are also included, which, especially in the final scene where Yeonjun looks through it in the dark, refers to their dark sides. These are triggered by the loss of Magic Island, the place where they usually can escape together to avoid being crushed by reality, but now can't reach for two reasons: first, adulthood is approaching, second, the lockdown forces TXT to separate and only see eachother through a screen.

THE CHAOS CHAPTER: FREEZE

The title of this album references two things:

The arrival of winter and therefore their adulthood

The "fight, flight or freeze" instinctive response of our bodies and minds to danger and stressful situations. According to the title, TXT's response to their reality is going to be "freeze" aka the inability to move or act against it, but it's going to be "flight" as well, as we see in...

— 0X1=LOVESONG

TXT are now stuck in reality dealing with the problems that characterise the transition from adolescence to adulthood, but that doesn't mean they have abandoned the magical fantasies that give them comfort.

The main character of this music video is Yeonjun. We see him alone at home, playing videogames to distract himself while his parents are fighting. He then decides to escape by stealing his parents car keys and go for a ride. We see him with the members, but at the end of the music video it is actually revealed that he was alone the whole time: Yeonjun was imaging being with his friends, who turn reality into a fantasy when they escape together. This doesn't mean that the others are gone or dead, they're simply not together, missing eachother and going through the same kind of despair, depression, loneliness, as we can interpret from the clips where they're all separated but together with the others in the distance.

We also see Yeonjun alone in his room watching his fish inside the aquarium, and, later on, one ends up in his room: Yeonjun is imagining of being inside the aquarium. That's the same thing that happens with TXT seeing fish over them while in the pool, and with Kai seeing it on the sky: the aquarium represents the comforting fantasy they run away to. They can't go to Magic Island, so they imagine it.

Yeonjun gets so lost in his fantasy that, when Taehyun falls into the pool and then removes his cast, Yeonjun snaps out of it and doesn't see the fish anymore: he's now imaging his friends being there with him as he wishes. Fantasy and reality are mixing together.

He then starts dancing, and this is a reference to a movie called "Days of Being Wild", where music and dancing is used as a way of expressing the isolation, solitude, lack of direction and belonging, experienced by the characters. That's why Yeonjun walks into complete darkness: he's falling into the black hole of emptiness inside himself, the hole that is referenced in the quote in the beginning of the music video.

Unlike the video, which focuses on friendship bringing relief and happiness, the lyrics tells us about the crush we mentioned at the beginning:

🎶 In this world of zero / I know you're my one and only / In this endless darkness like / Oh my god, so holy / From the tip of my fingers / Everything runs far away / My life before you was a mess / Couldn't win one round of this chess 🎶

TXT believe that their salvation is given by the love they feel for this person. They are used to being "losers" in this life, but they feel like "winners" with them.

🎶 Now I can't stop thinking 'bout you / When I'm sinking alone / Angel who one day appeared to me / Take me away to your hometown / I know it's real, I can feel it 🎶

The pre-chorus references their friendship as well, though: in the music video we see that Yeonjun is "sinking alone" while thinking about his friends, and the "angel" is the same referenced in Crown and in Nap of A Star: it's TXT, and especially Hueningkai, that saved him when he was in his lowest point, sharing his burden. The "take me away to your hometown" could also be interpreted as asking the others to escape together at Magic Island, that feels like a home to them.

🎶 I'm full of problems, love sick / No way to go / I was fine to die / I'm a loser in this game / The only (one) rule of this world / Save me / Take my hand / Please use me like a drug (I know I love you) 🎶

The chorus is foreshadowing for The Name Chapter: Temptation, TXT are willing to be used and consumed by this love in order not to suffer anymore. "Save me" recalls Can't You see Me.

THE CHAOS CHAPTER: FIGHT OR ESCAPE

– LO$ER=LO♡ER

is a prequel-sequel of 0x1=Lovesong! Especially because in the music video we see how Taehyun got hurt and his "LOSER/LO♡ER" signature on the cast was made.

( work in progress )

Frost's music video then came out, anticipating and connecting to the new chapter of the story, The Name Chapter! It's part of The Chaos Chapter, but I think storyline-wise its music video comes after, because the events it contains depend on discoveries that are going to be made during The Name Chapter. Let's talk about Minisode 2 before talking about it then!

MINISODE2: THURSDAY'S CHILD

– GOOD BOY GONE BAD

– GOOD BOY GONE VAD JAPANESE VERSION

THE NAME CHAPTER

– CONCEPT TRAILER

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First of all, it's important to specify that it doesn't only concern the album that will be released now, Temptation, but also the following ones that will be part of this chapter (two more mini-albums are expected, like for The Dream Chapter).

We've already mentioned Peter Pan a couple of times before: their story, with the fear of growing up, taking refuge in a magical world that you don't want to leave (Neverland), the temptations to stay there are all clear references to it.

This new chapter is heavily inspired by fairytales, not only Peter Pan, but others as well, such as Alice in Wonderland and Land of Oz.

Let's analyze what happens in the video, going over things we've already seen and adding more...

1) we are at sunset = blue hour = the moment in which one can pass between reality and the magical world;

2) eyes of two different colors = Cat, the creepy smile references Alice's cat. Cat by the window: who is at the window calling the Lost Boys? Peter Pan, who tempted them to go to Neverland, like the Cat tempted TXT to go to Magic Island.

3) blue/purple tunnel/portal: open passage to Magic Island, we saw it in The Dooms Night and we will see it again shortly;

4) we hear a whistle: it is the "call of the devil" (in the past, whistling was associated with the devil), the one who tempts TXT, therefore always the Cat;

5) we hear a reading of the original dark version of Peter Pan and see Yeonjun=Wendy manipulated and tempted by the Cat=Peter Pan;

6) Yeonjun/Wendy brings the rest of TXT (Wendy's siblings), and the Cat/Peter Pan "teaches" them to fly: instead of Tinkerbell's pixie dust, he uses a red potion, connected to the Webtoon/Webnovel. TXT now fly to Magic Island/Neverland;

7) while the narrator says that "Forever will never end (at Neverland/Magic Island)", Beomgyu looks at us and he's the only one who does it, like in Blue Hour: he's the only one of the group aware that sooner or later they will have to leave the magical world.

8) Remember we talked about mirrors and bad alter egos? We see TXT with their doppelgangers, which have the black feathers and masks we had symbolically seen in CYSM, on opposite sides of the mirrors (=the hangers).

Let's analyze the choreography:

The good/white TXTs move and the bad/black TXTs copy them, but then the blacks grab them by the arm and take their place. The good/white TXTs then enter the same side as the bad/black TXTs and HueningKai guides them to put the mirrors one after the other in line: what we saw with Beomgyu in Eternally. Now, if you think about it, even when you go to a place (it is frequent in elevators) where two mirrors are positioned opposite to each other, they create a potentially infinite corridor whose end you cannot see. Remember the chalk lines Kai drew around the school in Run Away? HueningKai locks himself and TXT inside a labyrinth.

Here they fight, first their own dark sides and they win: this should mean that their dark sides are now totally part of them, and therefore TXT can switch from one side of the mirror to the other freely, without being tempted or deceived by anyone: they are the ones who choose it. TXT have embraced their inner Peter Pan, rather than totally rejecting it.

But then, they fight among themselves and the order in which they do it is important:

Yeonjun and Kai, being the most tempted, unite;

Kai fights himself, his fully good side specifically;

After that, Kai collides with Soobin and prevails, (temptations prevail over knowledge);

Followed by Beomgyu, who instead manages to prevail over Kai (awareness of having to leave Neverland prevails over the desire to stay);

Kai is replaced by Taehyun, the one who saw the darkest premonition. The two fight until Beomgyu prevails (the awareness prevails over the fear of leaving), or, perhaps, Taehyun surrenders;

Finally, Beomgyu passes to the other side of the mirror to find only his reflection on the opposite side, which does not react to a possible attack: he hasn't to fight with himself because he always accepted the reality of things.

(I used colors to try making this less confusing, hope it helped 🥲)

Based on this fight, I already connected the names of the versions (Daydream, Nightmare, Farewell, Lullaby) of the album TNC: Temptation with each member, here. I recommend you to read it but only AFTER this summary, because we still need to talk about their "true names".

NOW, the fight scene it's a vision of the future that is not Soobin's, but Beomgyu's, who then opens his eyes.

TXT are now in a flying house, their refuge at Magic Island (which refers to the Lost Boys tree, but also to Dorothy's house from the Wizard of Oz). The house begins to collapse: Magic Island is no longer safe, they destroyed it too many times while rewinding time/replaying the game: they can't postpone growing up anymore.

It is also a metaphor for the tensions within the group, the things left unsaid, the secrets, the isolation, which have led to deep rifts in the friendship between the boys.

Soobin urges the group to leave and everyone follows. Last one is Kai who jumps… ready to enter the labyrinth.

– NEW LOGO VIDEO

Another important detail for what will happen in Temptation has been included in the new logo video! Translation of what Yeonjun says, both in reverse and played normally:

1) “You run after the shadow uselessly”: refers to the shadow that Peter Pan keeps losing. In the beginning of the concept trailer Yeonjun=Wendy is the only one without a shadow: he is losing it like Peter because of the temptations. Talking about it is his bad side, driven by temptations.

2) “It's sweet, but I should find my name": Yeonjun’s good side says that temptation is sweet, but he knows he has to resist and find a way to do it. Why does he talk about "finding the name"?

Having knowledge of one's true name gives you power over them, and knowing your own true name enhances your power and gives you more control over yourself, making it harder to fall into temptation.

Often, in order to get out of a labyrinth, to pass over an obstacle or solve a quest, you have to guess something, a secret word, usually by solving a riddle...

– FROST

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🎶 Drawn by the name, I stand in chaos /My fate is what? What's the right answer, really / In an unfamiliar name / There's fate or something else / Meanings that I don't understand 🎶

(I can't add the full lyrics here lol, but I truly recommend you fully read them because they are very exhaustive!)

It's strongly related to the Webtoon/Wattpad storyline, and it's very important to The Name Chapter because it relates to the theme of "true names".

In the video, the spring nature of Magic Island (which we see in the photos of Temptation, Daydream version) freezes: winter arrives, and so their adulthood.

In the video we see TXT escaping from the portal while it's snowing, but then we go back to the past, when they go to Magic Island before it freezes...

Soobin finds a purple/blue glass sphere: it has the same colors as the portal, and what did we say creates/opens portals? The dice.

Taehyun's eye shines purple/blue: his special feature.

Kai finds a playground-style game (a reference to childhood) and sees blue butterflies.

Yeonjun finds a dog, and we'll come back to this shortly.

Beomgyu turns towards us spectators, again, and a gust of wind carries away the flowers. On Magic Island there are dry leaves on the ground, it's Autumn

Then, all together they find a fortune teller's tent, who gives them cards that make them have visions that symbolize their "true names". In the Webtoon/Wattpad novel they are given the riddles to interpret to find out what they are:

Soobin = "the one who is believed by no one"

Yeonjun = "the one who shall not eat dogs"

Beomgyu = "what was in the deepest part of the box"

Taehyun = "the one hanging upside down from an old tree with deep roots"

Hueningkai = "the one who builds the labyrinth"

In the visions of the video we see:

Yeonjun is in the desert surrounded by dog footprints and has to fight against a huge sand snake to survive (the snake of Adam and Eve = the temptations = the Cat);

Taehyun hanging from the tree and then falling down;

Kai with mirrors. The mathematical formulas reference designing the construction of the labyrinth. He is tempted by his doppelganger, enters the mirror and chases it. In the end he, that has now both sides of himself united, breaks the mirror and exits.

Soobin is in a place on fire, sees a rideable horse for children and through the glass sphere/dice he sees a child riding it: the visions of their childhood being in danger.

Beomgyu and the looped box: after all the things that come out, what remains is only him... did you understood what it could be? 👀 (we'll explain it in a second)

TXT wake up and winter has arrived on Magic Island: they escape and with the portal they return to the real world. But Taehyun takes away one item from Magic Island: the fortune teller's BOOK. What Soobin has and Beomgyu protects in Eternally!

We find it again in the Webtoon and in the webnovel: it is a very ancient and powerful spell book that Taehyun studies and uses. It can also be seen in his hand in The Doom's Night when TXT play with each other as children.

— TXT's TRUE NAMES

Their real names, and therefore the solution of the riddles, were actually revealed in their early days, in their individual debut trailers via morse code: they have been under everyone's noses since the start...

Soobin = Tomorrow (based on a Greek myth: Cassandra had the power of foresight, so she had visions of the future, but she wasn't believed by anyone)

Hueningkai = Secret (refers to the Greek myth of the Minotaur, a "monster" that resembles TXT due to its peculiar characteristics, because it was a boy born with a bull's head. He was the son of King Minos, who had a labyrinth built to hide him, also hiding the secret of escape it)

Beomgyu = Hope (the box is that of Pandora, who after opening it unleashes all the evils in the world, and the thing that is at the bottom of it and will come out after everything else is hope. And we have seen that Beomgyu is the last one left after the fights to escape the labyrinth: he is the group last hope.)

Yeonjun = Promise (the riddle is a saying that stands for humans who behave like animals and are willing to use even cruel means to get what they want: what Yeonjun shouldn't do)

Taehyun = Clue (referring to Odin, the Nordic god who hung himself upside down on Yggdrasil, the sacred tree that held up the cosmos, to obtain the "clue", the runes, which would give him all the wisdom and ability to be able to develop writing)

– 0X1=LOVESONG Japanese ver

youtube

I think it sees TXT falling down to reality from Magic Island, after they abondoned it once and for all. While they are performing they all have blood in their uniforms: they're all rather dead or injuried at the end of the game. Beomgyu is the only one in an hospital: he's the only survivor, the only player with still some HPs left, after all, we saw that he won over the others in The Name Chapter Concept trailer. Taehyun, on the contrary, has angel wings and in the end he disappeared, leaving his uniform behind surrounded by feathers on the ground: he fully died during the game, perhaps sacrificing himself. A bit more about this, here.

Now they are back to the real world, forever.

And we have, for now, reached the end of our journey! Now we just have to wait and see what The Name Chapter will bring us in detail (and see if my headcanons and theories are right lol).

Thank you so much for reading!!

READ NEXT -> The Name Chapter: Temptation Analysis

Masterlist

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ire-as-iris · 9 months

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What do you need to hear right now? [Divination Reading no. 1]

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🚩 Remember to take what only resonates to you.

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┈┈┈┈․° ☣ °․┈┈┈┈

Pile 01

"I can't give up now before its too late." "I've had enough shit in my plate, get lost" "It's better to stay than to go with you" Pile 1, you maybe moving on from something or someone/staying on the path you started. For those who are dealing with a person: You can't move on from the memories but you know deep down this relationship was doomed from the stort and the universe gave you a chance to see it but you ignored the red flags listen to your intuition carefully to avoid this mistake again (is this the third time you let this person in?) I'm sensing that this pile is too focus to this relationship and for a few of you that is not dealing with a person but a situation to yourself, you're going to be at a better place right now (even if you don't notice it). You decided to fight for this passion, you're not letting the doubts take your dream away Additional messages: Nape, neck, taurus, capricorn, 939, B, V, X, Y, Z, W, chick style clothing, pasta, hoodies, jeans, milk, cereal

Pile 02

I'm hearing: Temptation, don't let temptation get the best of you

This pile has an addiction

I'm also hearing drúgs, I was almost going to cough when I write that but I managed to stop it, something about your throat seems blocked. For some of you, you may have fever or feeling sick of everything in this life So you cope with it using that addiction.

My spirit guides are telling me to take care of your mental health, are you depressed? If you're going to cope with something, make it hhealthy One example would be talking with the people you love to reduce the stress, anxiety; doing something you're passionate about etc.

Some of you are fighting the negative self of yours.

Stop whining and doing nothing (oh, some people are demanding change but lazy.)

Remember that in order to heal, you don't need someone (some people have it but they lack what?) cooperation, resiliency, and determination...that's what it takes to heal from your mental struggles.

As a psychology student, I'm begging you please, don't let a thing or person ruin everything for you. You already have passed so many obstacles in life just by being here, look how far you have come!

Additional messages:

Throat chakra meditation, blue, 2, 8, 9

Pile 03

Self love is the main of this pile, you're healing the wounded parts of yourself, CONFIDENCE seems to the number of people who picked this is working on. Keep on going bro! I feel like there are more guys in this pile than 2 and 1 (you're may be drawn to pile 1 as well)

My spirit guides wants to tell you that you've been doing a great job! Also, they said to consider exercising and include healthy foods for your diet to boosts your confidence more.

Something good will happen... you'll see it soon.

Additional messages:

4th house, 5th house, 6th house

┈┈┈┈․° ☣ °․┈┈┈┈

METHOD USED: AUTOMATIC WRITING and spotify playlists

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❤️‍🔥FOLLOW ME HERE❤️‍🔥

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❤ Thank you! See you on my next post! ❤

💋 Be you, Do you, You are You! 💋

#Spotify #tarot #divination #divination readings #tarot community #tarot reading #pac #pick a pile #pick a card #ire-as-iris

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vioartemis · 1 year

Text

All yours

(Emma Myers x fem! reader)

Summary: Emma overhears you singing and begs for you to sing her something. Warnings: none Request is here (and the additional stuff as the music if you want to listen to it while reading (especially the last part)) (English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if there are mistakes or if something doesn't make sense TvT)

As far as you could remember, you always loved singing. But never in front of anyone. You were a little scared of what people would say, especially people you didn't know for too long.

Even your best-friend never heard you sing, despite being one of the people you trusted and loved the most. Maybe you loved her a little too much, by the way.

You may or may not had a crush on her for years but had always been too scared to tell her. You didn't want to risk ruining everything between you two.

The moments you shared were what you cherished the most, even though they got rarer since she started acting professionally. You were happy for her of course, but you missed her too.

So, when she told you she had some time to rest, you immediately invited her to your appartement. She too was more than happy to see you again, and moved in for the time she would stay.

Living with her made you realize how hard it would be not to show how in love you were. It also made you realize that this is what you wanted. Live with her. See her every morning, every night. Hear her mumbling a 'good morning' with her raspy morning voice.

You were head over heels in love with her.

Right now, you were having a shower, while Emma was watching tv in the living room. You put on your 'shower playlist', a compilation of your favorite songs at the moment, and started showering.

After a little while, your all-time favorite song started playing, and you couldn't help but thing along while washing your hair.

What you didn't know was that Emma could hear you sing from the living room. At first she didn't realize it was you, she thought it was just you listening to music, but then she recognized your voice.

She sat up and got closer to the bathroom's door, but the water still running prevented her from hearing properly.

So, when you got out of the room, wet hair falling on your shoulders, she didn't hesitate to ask you if you could sing for her.

"I heard you when you were in the shower... but because of the water I couldn't hear properly... Please Y/n!"

"Emma, you know you're my best friend, right? But I'm not singing for you, or anyone. Sorry"

"Come on!"

"No"

"Pleaseee"

"Nope"

You went to your bedroom to grab a sweater that you put on your oversize shirt.

"I'll do every chore for you"

"Tempting, but still no"

"Please please pleaseee"

She looked at you with puppy eyes, her secret weapon to get you to do anything. She really had you wrapped around her finger.

"Okay, fine! You know I can't resist when you do this" you sighed, defeated "Any particular request?"

"As long as I can hear you sing again, I'm happy"

"I'll take that as a 'no' then"

You took a moment to think about what song you could pick. There was way to many songs you'd love to sing, but you had to choose wisely. If you could give her a hint on your feelings for her in the process, that would be an absolute win.

After a minute, you looked up for the instrumental version of the song on YouTube. Singing acapella wasn't your favorite thing.

"Okay" you took a deep breath "Let's do this"

You pressed play and waited for the right moment to start.

"Maybe, it's the way you say my name Maybe, it's the way you play your game But it's so good, I've never known anybody like you But it's so good, I've never dreamed of nobody like you"

The 'funny' thing with this song was that it fit perfectly your feelings towards her. She had nothing to do with the other people you met, she had something special that got you drawn to her so quickly.

Dandelions was one of her favorite songs. Now hearing you sing it was a whole other thing. Your voice truly was amazing.

"Wishing on dandelions all of the time Praying to God that one day you'll be mine Wishing on dandelions all of the time, all of the time"

This part was by far your favorite. You had wished your feelings were shared so much, you couldn't count how many times.

Oh, how she wished you meant what you were singing. The simple thought of you praying that she'd be yours made butterflies grow in her stomach.

"Dandelion, into the wind you go Won't you let my darling know? Dandelion, into the wind you go Won't you let my darling know that?"

She was impressed how you held the high note of this part, by at this point not surprised anymore. She could hear you sing for hours and never get bored.

A little part of herself thought you might be singing to her. Maybe it was just her being delusional. After all, she was far from being the most interesting person you knew, so why would you have any kind of romantic feelings for her?

"I'm in a field of dandelions Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine..."

The music started to fade out as the song was finished, but you continued singing anyways, improvising a last part that couldn't be anything else than you confessing to her.

For the first time since you started singing, you looked directly into her blue eyes.

"'Cause I'm sick and tired of dandelions Wishing on every one is a waste of time, time

I got all our moments memorized I'm gonna say it now, you make me smile, smile

Giving up dandelions wasting my time Thankful to God I have you in my life Giving up dandelions wasting my time, wasting my time..."

Her eyes widened slightly as she realized this wasn't part of the original song. You improvised that part. For her.

How many times did you say all those things to her? Enough for her to understand what you were doing. She never paid too much attention to it before, thinking it was just you being hyper affectionate, but in a 'friends' way.

All your moments together flashed before her eyes. All the times you told her you were thankful to have her by your side. All the times you remembered little things she told you, little habits she had, little things that happened when you spent time together that even she didn't think about at first.

That day at the lake when you couldn't stop smiling looking at her. She thought she looked ridiculous trying to go in the cold water while you were already swimming, and that it was the reason why you smiled, holding in your laughter.

Now that she thought of it, you always had a smile on your face when you were together. A beautiful smile she loved so much and hoped would never fade away.

The way you looked at her right now was different than before, as if you stopped hiding what you truly felt. You had that look you had in her daydreams, in her fantasies.

Except this time, it was real. You were really in front of her, giving her heart eyes.

She imagined that scene thousands of times, and yet she didn't know how to react. But she had to do something, or you would get the wrong signals!

Her body moved faster than her brain.

She found herself kissing you without even realizing it before you kissed her back, a wave of relief washing over both of you.

Your hands were behind her neck, while hers found their place on your waist, never breaking the kiss. You both had waited so long for that moment to happen; you weren't going to let it end so soon.

But you had to pull away, eventually.

"So... whishing on dandelions worked?" you asked playfully

"Yes" Emma whispered before kissing you again "I'm yours. All yours"

#emma myers #emma myers x reader #emma myers x fem reader

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urfavstargirl1 · 1 year

Text

don't dream it's over

Part 6 to the series Chemistry, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 , Part 5-- Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

stranger things masterlist | Spotify playlist

summary: thanks to Eddie Munson, Y/N faces the consequences of breaking her parents number one rule: no boys allowed. After a month of no fun, no friends, and no boyfriends, Y/N makes a harrowing realization about just how much she misses the "freak" of Hawkins High

cw: angst, fluff, anxiety, hurt/comfort, shy/nerdy!reader, pre-ST4, cocky!Eddie, swearing, strict parents,

a/n: this chapter was a long time coming so I thank you all so much for waiting patiently. I also meant to end the story at the 6th chapter but my last chapter did mitosis again and this isn't the end (just yet), but for now enjoy this extra long chapter

“Eddie,” Y/N cries out in despair.

“It’s ok sweetheart. I’m right here.” Eddie replies.

He tightens his arm locked around her waist and pulls her body closer to his. He breathes in the scent of her hair. Feels the warmth of her body pressed against his as they lay in his bed.

“I-I need you,” she calls out to him, too afraid to turn over and look him in the eyes.

“It’s ok, I need you too.”

“But I can’t. I-I’ve never needed someone like this before…”

***

When Y/N woke, there was a brief moment of reprieve.

Her swollen eyes struggled to widen amidst the soft sunlight peeking through her blinds. She breathed deeply, barely on the brink of consciousness to relish the last waking moment she would have before remembering the horrors of the past twelve hours.

Soon enough, the look on her mom’s face and the tone of her dad’s voice came flooding back to her. The memories loom accompanied by an intense pounding in her head.

She’s reminded of the tears she had cried throughout the night, but now, there’s only silence.

Numbness overcomes her, and for the rest of the day, Y/N simply floats by, barely interacting with the world around her.

At breakfast, lunch, and dinner, she looks down at her plate and only opens her mouth to take a few bites of whatever is in front of her.

In the calm clear morning air, her parents reinstate her month long punishment with the new addition of having her phone privileges taken away too.

Y/N knows from her sister’s many moments of being grounded that the punishment usually entails promptly coming home from school, with the exception of extracurricular activities, and only leaving the house for family outings. But for the first time, it’s Y/N’s turn to be on house arrest. Forbidden from seeing Eddie and any of her friends.

And if it wasn’t drilled into her head before, the whole, “no fun, no friends, and no boyfriends” thing was permanently embedded in her skull. That and the idea that those are all worthless distractions from the only thing that does matter: doing well in school.

Y/N almost wants to complain. A thread of anger in her shouts that this is all unfair, but a bigger, much louder part of her knows the harsh reality: life isn’t fair. And this is exactly what would happen by doing something as stupid as falling in love in a house that forbids it.

Now, she’ll have to pay the price for her idiotic actions and make sure nothing like this happens again.

Even when she hears a faint tapping on her window later that night, only to discover Eddie climbing up the roof of her house.

Y/N starts hyperventilating and feeling the blood in her veins scream.

“Eddie, what are you doing,” she whisper yells, from the window cracked slightly ajar.

Eddie, with his tongue slightly poking out of his full lips, lost in focus from trying not to fall and quietly make his way to her window, doesn’t hear her.

As he climbs Rapunzel’s tower, a small part of Y/N can’t help but feel her heart soar. On this cool autumn night, here Eddie is, climbing the edge of her parents house in his signature leather jacket he fills out so well and chunky ring clad fingers clutching the railing.

As Eddie nears her windowsill, Y/N stands in front of it like a guard, blocking his attempted entrance.

“Hey sweetheart,” he reaches forward and caresses her cheek with one calloused hand while the other holds him upright, balancing carefully on the rooftop. “You didn’t call. I was starting to get worried.”

“Eddie, you can’t be here right now,” Y/N frantically states before looking over her shoulder. “My parents could hear you. I could get in trouble for this.” “I know,” He sighs, “But I wanted to see you.”

Eddie smiles at her, not in that million dollar gleam way he always does that she loves so much, but in that bashful heart warming way that makes her stomach do a whole gymnastics routine.

Y/N shakes her head and firmly states, “I don’t care. You need to go home Eddie.”

Eddie frowns, partially at her words and also at the sudden realization that her cheeks have been stained with what were presumably tears.

“Eddie, please.” Y/N shoos him away. The pleading sense of urgency is audible in her voice.

Eddie takes a beat, realizing the events are not unfolding like he imagined they would have.

He knew it might take some convincing. Nothing with Y/N has been easy, but he thought throwing rocks at a girl’s window always worked, at least in the movies it does.

But the frazzled look on her face and the shaky look in her eyes right now say otherwise.

“Eddie, please, I’m serious. You need to go home, right now.”

She looks like she could be on the verge of tears and that alone is enough to make Eddie stop. His heart absolutely broke at the sound of her cries over the phone last night. It would practically kill him to be the one bringing tears to her mesmerizing eyes.

“Ok,” he replies reluctantly before slowly making his descent down the side of the house.

When his muddy Reebok sneakers hit the pavement, he’s left disoriented. Not that the climb had any effect on him, but Y/N’s mood was just so off putting.

He knew she would at least be bummed. He imagined her parents would get mad and maybe even ground her and that’d be enough to have her properly pissed off, but he didn’t expect her to be so… perturbed.

Maybe it should come as no surprise, given how anxious she was before she got home last night. And you’d think after all the things Eddie’s cynical eyes have seen, he would know better than to have hope, but something in him can’t help himself. For once, he wanted his expectation to meet his reality no matter how much he wished he didn’t.

For Y/N, all sense of hope disintegrated the night before. It feels like nothing even matters. Once in a tug of war between her parents wishes and her own, the rope got yanked out of her hands making her fall in the mud.

She couldn’t run away. She couldn’t fight it. All she could do was freeze. Freeze and retreat into a hole of safety and familiarity which was obeying her parents and keeping any hope of something with Eddie tucked away at the back of her bleeding heart.

***

The silence continued the next day at school, where a cloud of doom loomed over her incessantly. Y/N breezed by, narrowly escaping the minimum amount of effort required of her classes and demands of friends or teachers.

Until chemistry class.

As soon as she walked in, Eddie, who normally arrives as the bell rings, was already there waiting for her. He rushed over to her and engulfed her in a warm hug.

“Sweetheart, what happened? Are you okay?”

Y/N pulled away, acutely aware of the odd stares from her classmates. But those were pinpricks compared to the blistering pain of her parents' wrath.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

He frowns.

She shrugs his touch away, “Meet me in the woods behind the school during lunch.”

Like clockwork, Eddie finds her sitting on the shoddy wooden bench in the clearing out past the track and field. The sound of his footsteps with leaves crunching under his feet and the chain swinging along his jeans announcing his arrival.

“Hey smarty pants,” he greets, gently teasing. He slides in the spot next to her and wraps a protective arm around her hunched over shoulders. He kisses the top of her head and the proximity of his actions brings the scent of soap and the sort of musky scent she doesn’t know what to call other than just, boy, to her nostrils. It makes her close her eyes and shoulders drop slightly.

“I was worried about you yesterday. Was hoping you might call, sweetheart,” he sweetly says as he cups her cheek.

Y/N turns the other cheek and looks down at her lap. His touch is too tempting. Her body yearns for him, but she can’t. She has to be strong enough to resist.

“My parents took my phone away. I’m not even allowed to use the main phone in the kitchen unless it's for an emergency,” Y/N glumly replies.

“I think a quick call to your local dungeon master counts as an emergency,” he teases.

“Eddie,” She looks up at him sullenly, “It’s not funny.”

Y/N looks down and Eddie frowns.

“Hey, look at me,” he softly instructs, turning her shoulders towards him.

She holds her breath and looks into his warm eyes. They’re so beautiful, she wishes she could just jump into his irises and swim in the warm lagoon of their honey hue.

“We’re gonna figure this out, okay?”

“How? My phone privileges were taken away and I’m grounded for a month. I’m pretty much not allowed to do anything but go to school.”

“Seriously,” he asks, arms tensing at the thought.

“Yeah,” she looks down dejectedly.

“That’s bullshit. Are you kidding me?”

Y/N frowns angrily and huffs. Like she doesn’t already know that.

“Those’re the rules, Eddie” she shrugs glumly. “I have to follow them.”

Eddie exhales through his nostrils. “And what if you don’t?”

Y/N looks at him incredulously, “Eddie are you serious? I got the ass-chewing of a lifetime. I’ve never gotten in trouble like this before. I-I feel horrible for what I did.”

“Well, you shouldn’t.”

“Eddie, what are you talking about?”

“Y/N did nothing wrong. Your parents are just blowing this way outta proportion. Teenage rebellion is good. Healthy even.”

“Look Eddie, just because you can get away with being rebellious doesn’t mean I can.”

Eddie huffs in frustration. “I’m just saying, you need to stand up for yourself. Your parents are only gonna keep controlling you if you let them.”

Y/N opens her mouth to say something but nothing comes out.

“And besides, who are your parents to stop you? I mean, think about it. The first time you do something like that, it’ll shock them, but the more you do it, the more they’ll get used to it. Then they’ll have no choice but to face the fact that we want to be together.”

Y/N looks at him in disgust and shakes her head before looking up at him with fear in her eyes, “Eddie, what the hell? I barely made it out of there alive.”

Eddie drops his shoulders he hadn’t realized were tensed up.

“You just don’t understand. It’s never gonna get any better. And even if it did, I… I wouldn’t want my parents to just put up with us dating. I love my parents and I don’t want to disappoint them any more than I already have.”

Eddie looks her square in the eye and throws the curveball of a question, “Y/N are you really disappointing them or are you finally doing what makes you happy?”

Y/N jerks her head back. She doesn’t know why his words cut as sharply as a knife as they do, but it stings nonetheless.

“It doesn’t matter. What matters to me is being with you, the right way. I want my parents to accept us.”

“And what if they don’t?”

Eddie looks into Y/N’s eyes.

“Are you only ever going to do things they approve of?”

Y/N’s teeth clench and her lips purse. She grabs onto the wooden table for stability as she feels tears threatening to spring from her eyes, but she can’t let Eddie see her cry. She can’t.

The question in her mind that has her on the verge of explosion: Is it really so wrong for me to want to date Eddie and have my parent’s approval too?

Eddie’s features soften at the sight of her state of deep tension. He has to remind himself that Y/N isn’t the one he should be mad at, it’s her parents. Even though Y/N is the one freely letting her parents drive the wedge between them even deeper.

A small part of him is envious. He almost admires Y/N’s willingness to obey her parents. And the way she doesn’t hate them for what they’ve done. She hasn’t even thought to continue dating him just to spite them.

And yet, the bigger part of him, full of spite and resentment he has toward his own parents, is angry, both at and for her. He crashed and burned trying to get his own father’s acceptance way back when and doesn’t want her to do the same.

“Look, I’m just… I hate seeing you like this,” he presses a palm to her back and gently rubs. “I know you really care about what your parents have to say, but they’re wrong about us, about you,” he whispers as he brings a hand forward to caress her hair. “Y/N, listen, you didn’t do anything wrong, okay?”

Y/N breathes in deeply, “Eddie… You didn’t see the look on their faces. It was like-like I’d taken their hearts and just smashed them into tiny little pieces, right in front of them.”

Eddie wants to say something, but is rendered speechless. He wants to complain about how unfair her parents are being or how ridiculous it all is, but he can see how upset she already is. He doesn’t want to be the one to bring any more tears to her precious eyes.

He wraps his arms around her and whispers in her hair, “I know.”

Y/N leans into his touch but doesn’t wrap her arms around him back.

Eddie takes a deep breath in and slowly pulls away. “So what are we gonna do now?”

Y/N peers up at him, through her curled lashes. Her eyes like falling stars.

“I think we need to call it.”

“W-What?” He chokes.

“I can’t,” Y/N sniffles and shakes her head, “I don’t think I can do this.”

“What?” He sighs and frustratedly runs a hand through his hair, “Is this really what you want?”

Y/N shakes her head, “No, but I–”

“Sweetheart,” Eddie calls out to her, making her heart constrict. Y/N looks at him from the corner of her eye. “Remember what I said to you that night, on the phone?”

Eddie cocks an eyebrow at Y/N awaiting her answer as she reluctantly nods.

“I meant it, okay? Every word. I’ll do whatever it takes for us to be together. To have a shot at finding out whatever this is, it’s the least we deserve, right?”

He moves his head to meet her gaze.

“I want,” his voice cracks and he clears his throat. If Eddie starts crying then Y/N will surely cry too and absolutely none of that can happen.

“I need you in my life, Y/N. And I know you feel the same way too.”

Y/N’s breath hitches in her throat. Hearing Eddie say he needs her in almost the same way she did to him in the dream she’d had that night makes her heart drop to her stomach, but only for a moment.

“Eddie, it doesn’t matter what I feel. And there’s nothing you can do to change the fact that my parents won’t let us be together.”

Eddie takes one good look at her. The creases in her forehead. The tension in her shoulders. The pout on her pretty lips. And the nervous look in her eyes. The kind of look you have when you need to be on guard. Before, it was just her heart she had to guard, but now it’s her spirit too.

“And besides, what’s the end game here?”

“What?” Eddie shakes his head in confusion.

“I mean, even if we did… date, how long could it possibly last?”

Eddie blinks, completely thrown for a loop by her question. “I don’t know, as long as we can keep it going I guess.”

“Eddie, what’ll happen when we graduate? When I go off to college?”

“I-I don’t know. I hadn’t really planned out our relationship Y/N,” Eddie says in a snappier tone than he’d meant. He knows Y/N likes to plan ahead, but even for something like this?

“Maybe they’re doing us a favor. Saving us the trouble.”

Eddie tenses, fighting his lip from quivering at the thought.

“Do you really believe that,” Eddie’s voice cracks and Y/N looks away.

She wishes her father’s words could go away. That they could’ve just gone in one ear and out the other. But they didn’t. They stuck to her. And as much as she’d like to believe in the little dream that anything is possible, she knows it's better, safer to be realistic.

For Eddie, it doesn’t matter if their relationship lasts 10 days or 10 years. And yeah it’ll hurt like hell when it’s over either way, but for her, he’s willing to take that chance. Or so he thought

“So that’s it? We’re not even going to try and see what this could be?” He asks in a steady and calculated voice.

Y/N frowns and looks away. When he puts it like that, she feels ridiculous, idiotic. Like a fool for not even trying. But how could she? How could she be brave enough to stand up to her parents? To stand tall in the face of adversity?

To cower in fear and hide away is what she’s always done. She did it whenever her sister did something rebellious and had to face the ugly consequences.

Y/N thought she could avoid that fate. All she had to do was obey her parents. If she did what she was told her life was easy, familiar, and safe.

“Eddie, I just…”

Y/N can feel her heart being torn down the middle. It’s killing her to let the people she loves down. If it’s not Eddie then it’s her parents. But she can stand to disappoint Eddie. She can’t stand to disappoint her parents anymore than she already has. She never wants to experience that ridicule again.

“For the first time in my life, I felt brave. You made me feel brave. You made me feel alive. And happy. But maybe it was all too much because then…then it all blew up in my face. And now, I’m scared.

I'm scared it’ll happen again. I’m scared that even wanting something like this makes me a bad person. I’m scared that I’ll lose you again because of something I have no control over.

So yeah, I’m sorry if that’s not the answer you want, but it’s the only one I’ve got.”

Eddie’s eyes widen. He’s surprised by her answer. And if she wasn’t giving him the worst news possible, he would be proud of how assertive she’s being. If only she could channel that energy toward her parents.

“I think it would be best if we just acted like none of this ever happened. Now that our chemistry assignment is over and done with, I think we should just go our separate ways.”

And before he even has a chance to say anything, Y/N gets up from the table and runs away in the direction of the school.

Her muscle memory has her making her way to the cafeteria, but as soon as she sees her friends sitting at their usual spot, she freezes in her tracks, almost bumping into someone walking with their lunch tray.

“Watch where you’re going,” they spit at her.

Y/N tenses up and looks back at her friends smiling and laughing. It should make her happy to see her friends so happy, but at this moment, all she can feel is the fragile lines of her heart cracking into broken pieces.

She can’t do it. She thought she could at least handle lunch with them, but not today.

She makes the great escape from the cafeteria till her legs bring her to the safe haven of the school’s library.

She takes a spot towards the back, behind rows and rows of bookshelves by a window with a view of the student parking lot.

She spots a few of the jocks cutting class. For a moment, she almost hopes Eddie might come and find her. But more than anything, she just wants to scream.

***

For the rest of the week, Y/N avoids Eddie like the plague. Much to her chagrin, Eddie’s persistence has resulted in many a chicken scratch written note in her locker.

Y/N please, can we talk? I miss you like crazy. If you change your mind, I’ll be waiting by my van after school today (p.s. I promise I’ll be on time).

You didn’t show up yesterday. I guess you had an after school thing. One of those clubs you’re in that I forgot about. Ever the lovely smarty pants. Anyway, I have to stay after school for Hellfire today. Just so you know, the drama club doors are always open.

I know you won’t talk to me, but I just wanted to say you look really pretty today. Well, you look pretty everyday, but especially today.

I listened to the mixtape you made me. I wish I could tell you in person, but I think I might not hate the Thompson Twins (Don’t tell the Hellfire boys though).

I miss you sweetheart, please don’t shut me out.

Y/N crumbles each of them up and shoves them into her bag, letting them collect at the bottom. It takes every ounce of energy she has not to succumb to Eddie’s poetic ways.

In the meantime, Y/N continues to laser focus on school and avoid her friends.

She stopped eating lunch in the cafeteria and came up with an excuse to get out of any conversation with them in class.

Y/N didn’t want to have to explain what happened or pretend like everything was normal to anyone, so instead she’s choosing to walk the paved path before her alone.

Whenever Y/N comes home, she hides away in her room like a crab hiding in its shell, only coming out at meal times or to leave for school in the morning.

By the end of that long miserable week, Y/N asks her sister to take her to the Radio Shack. She’s been saving up her birthday money for an emergency and this was as much of an emergency as anything.

Normally her sister would object to chauffeuring her around, but even she felt a little bad for Y/N.

Luckily, because her sister would accompany her, Y/N’s parents allowed the little field trip.

A brand new Walkman and a few tapes of her favorite albums might be the only beacon of hope she has for a while, at least until this all passes. If it passes. Unlike the storm that night in the back of Eddie’s van, she fears this torment may never pass.

Eddie feels equally tormented by the whole thing. For one, he never expected to fall for a girl like Y/N. And now that he has, she’s just out of reach. Just his luck.

He knows the universe is just laughing at him like it always does, because for the first time in a long time, he actually had hope. Hope that even he can have a happy ending. But it’s long gone now.

As the days fly by and there’s no sign of change, he realizes this isn’t just a setback anymore. That there really might be nothing he can say or do to change her parents' minds. To change her mind.

And even if by a miracle, they could be together, he can’t help but feel sort of hurt and rejected by Y/N's insistence on avoiding each other and acting like what they had means nothing.

Her act of obedience is not only taking her own happiness away, but his too.

It hurt, but he hated letting it show. So he exchanged his pain for irritability or anger.

He would lash out at the boys from Hellfire Club for the littlest things. He would drive home to the loudest most brash music he owned a cassette too.

At the trailer, he would angrily pluck away at his guitar. And sometimes, on the more difficult days, he would even pick fights with angry drunks at the hideout just to feel something.

When it inevitably didn’t, all he had to do was turn to that lucky little black tackle box to take his pain and anger away. And oh, what a familiar delight that was.

Anything to numb the pain of losing her. And what could have been.

As Eddie began to turn to his vices for comfort, Y/N found comfort in a few bad habits of her own.

Self-imposed isolation in times of turmoil was one. She hardly spoke to anyone at home or school. She couldn’t be seen without her headphones on or the Walkman attached to her hip.

It probably would have killed Eddie to know she couldn’t listen to Prince anymore. If she so much as listened to the first 3 seconds of any track on Purple Rain, she would fall apart.

But, on a hard day, she’ll pop in that one tape, lie in bed with the covers over her, and sob into her pillow as the ballad of Purple Rain flows into her ears like medicine.

The rest of her days include hiding away in her room or the library at school. She makes excuses to get out of hanging out with her friends. She cries at night and sleeps a lot during the weekends.

Another bad habit she turned to was extreme focus. All her newfound time and energy was devoted to the one and only thing in her life she could control: academics.

The self-imposed torture was alarming to many of the people in her life.

During the first week of her punishment, her parents were taken aback at her change of temperament, but figured she was just upset. But the longer it went on, the more worried they got. So did her friends and teachers.

When they all tried checking in on her she gave the same excuse that she was just stressed about college applications, which to a degree was true.

However, she could fool her teachers or her parents, but she couldn’t fool her friends.

Michelle especially knew something was up. Even though Y/N hadn’t told her anything about what happened that weekend with Eddie, Michelle figured it must have something to do with the reason Y/N was acting so weird.

And even though Y/N wanted it to be kept a secret, Michelle told the rest of the girls in their friend group, out of concern.

Just like Y/N thought, they were shocked at first, but she would be surprised to learn just how happy they were for her. Happy that Y/N finally found someone, even if it was a freak like Eddie Munson.

Immediately, they knew they had to talk to Eddie. Michelle was already at the defense, prepared to interrogate Eddie and literally fight him if he had done anything that would hurt Y/N.

Little did they know that what hurt Y/N the most was not being with him at all.

***

After her one month punishment was served, Y/N the zombie still hadn’t left. She continued to shut the world out.

Her parents tried to talk to her, wanting to understand why she was acting this way but she wouldn’t budge. She was giving them what they wanted, right? Anything more would be a death sentence.

And with early decision applications due soon, Y/N was in no place to waste time with friends or family or anything else that would distract her.

She mustered up the energy to craft them to perfection. With near perfect SAT scores and gpa, all that was left was to refine her resume and essays.

It only took many a sleepless night, but by the time she had a decent application together, she put them through an extensive review process.

She reviewed them with her current English teacher and every English teacher she had since she started high school.

She found another school counselor who could review them and even reviewed them with the school librarian.

And just when she thought they might be good enough, she even went to review them with the librarian at the public library in town.

Countless hours of editing, hundreds of pencil shavings, and red pen ink stains later and she was almost there.

Before she knew it, that dreaded November day was upon her. If she wanted her application to arrive by the deadline, she would have to mail them in soon.

One fateful Saturday morning, she sat in her room and rifled through her materials at least ten times to make sure every element of her application was present and accounted for, pristine, and completed to perfection.

She put them in the envelope and sealed it shut. With the packet addressed and ready to go, she left the house and bicycled over to the post office.

She walked through the doors setting off a jingling noise to her ears. She walked over to the counter and handed over the packet to the person working there.

In the blink of an eye, she sent three and a half years worth of work off its merry way to be scrutinized for her aptitude at the University of Chicago.

She had time before she would submit applications to her safety and reach schools. And with an application perfect enough for U Chicago, she knew she could reuse those same materials.

But this was it. All those hours studying, volunteering, and working built up to this moment. And suddenly, the pressure built on herself was free to flow from her shoulders down to her hands into that packet and on their way to Chicago, IL.

As she walks out the door and the bell chimes again, a sudden and intense pang feeling hits her chest.

Like a bomb, this gut level feeling hits her: she has no more control at this point. Between now and the time admission decisions get released, there is nothing she can do.

There is nothing now.

As she reaches the bike stand, she begins to weep and instinctively, her hand flies to cover her mouth.

At first it was a few hot tears quietly slipping their way down her cheeks. But then it became a deep seated cry, starting from her lungs and chest working their way up to her throat then her eyes and finally her head.

It had been weeks of crying, but now it felt explosive. For the first time since that dreadful night, she truly feels lost and alone.

Without a goal to keep her company or give her hope anymore, she’s never felt so small.

As she hops on her bike and cycles past a park, she wanders through a clearing in the woods. She finds access to a stream and hops off her bike to gently kneel before it, watching as the current lazily washes over the rocks. The light breeze in the air swooshes against her hair.

For a moment, she can see her muddled reflection in the water. Her teary eyes blinking rapidly and her cheeks red hot.

Once she was sure no one was around, she let it all out. No holding back. She held her head in her hands as she cried and screamed till her cheeks and lungs burned.

All these years, she’d spent 110% of her effort trying to be perfect for others, to submit to their scrutiny. It took every ounce of energy she had. The weight of it all that's been crushing her down all these years is suddenly gone.

For the first time, the pressure is gone. The need to be perfect, at an all time low.

It doesn’t matter what she does. Whatever is meant to happen will happen. The earth will still spin on its axis at a 23 degree angle. The sun will rise and fall no matter what she does. Or who she is.

At the very least, she’ll want to maintain her gpa to graduate as number 3 in her class, but otherwise… She doesn’t really have to do anything to prove herself anymore.

She can finally breathe.

She lowers her hands and looks at her reflection in the water. She laughs aloud and sighs.

When there were no tears left to cry, she regains her breath, dusts herself off and cycles back home.

***

Y/N feels a shift in her spirit. Like she's a new person, well, sort of. She’s no longer the girl that grinds herself to shreds to achieve her goals, well not until the next goal presents itself. But for now, she can relax. She can surrender to life.

What sort of person will she become with this newfound freedom? She doesn’t quite know.

When she gets home, she ignores the sounds of her parents and sister and goes upstairs. She locks herself in her room and searches through her closet. She takes out the dusty old half-used sketchbook. She sits at her desk, puts on her headphones, and starts her Walkman.

She takes out a perfectly sharpened, long, yellow, number two pencil. She lets the pencil hit the paper and it flies.

She draws and draws and draws for the rest of the day.

Without even thinking, she just draws whatever her hand feels like drawing. She fills pages and pages of the sketchbook. She never stops to eat or drink or even use the bathroom. She has years worth of drawing she needs to let out.

She draws pictures of Hawkins, her friends, memories of Chicago, her favorite album covers, her room the way it is now, her room the way she wished it had been decorated, her favorite movie posters, outfits she’s seen other people wear that she thought looked cool, people from school, landscapes of school, college applications, the stress of maintaining a perfect gpa, herself when she graduates, and Eddie.

She draws so many pictures of Eddie. Eddie in the library, Eddie at the diner, Eddie in his van, Eddie at the lake, Eddie and his beautiful long hair, Eddie’s lovely hands adorned with chunky rings, Eddie's tattoos, the new tattoos she had drawn on him that day, Eddie in a Hellfire shirt, Eddie in his Metallica crop top, Eddie in that jacket he wears like a uniform, Eddie with the chain on the jeans hung loose on his hips, Eddie with a bandana hanging out of his back pocket, Eddie in his room, Eddie playing guitar for her, Eddie teaching her how to play guitar.

Eddie Munson, the first boy to ever steal her heart.

It all comes out of her so fiercely. It takes over her like a spell. She was in the zone. She didn’t realize the magnitude of the force of her drawing till she woke up the next day still seated at her desk. Light seeping through the slits of the curtains. She turns to the side and sees a plate of what must have been dinner off to the side of the desk.

What? Who brought her that? When did they come in? Was Y/N already asleep? Surely they wouldn’t have left it if she was asleep. How did she not notice them?

She looks back at the clock on her wall that reads 12:36.

Y/N’s never woken up this late. What happened yesterday?

She looks down at the sketchbook opened at a page with a drawing of the Grease movie poster reimagined with her and Eddie smudged at different places.

Her desk is littered with pencil shavings, eraser filings, and broken or shorter pencils.

She flips through the pages filled with at least dozens of new drawings. Some are messy and crude while others are bright and beautiful.

She closes the sketchbook and holds it to her chest. She smiles and starts crying. She’s confused by the tears despite feeling relieved and realizes they’re tears of joy.

After all these years, she’s still got it. More than ever before, drawing has brought her so much joy. Joy she almost forgot even existed.

She takes a deep breath in satisfaction. This alone is enough to keep her happy. Even if she never makes a penny on her drawings, she’ll continue to do them. She doesn’t care what kind of job she has, as long as it can afford her to live comfortably and have time for this. Drawing. It’s what makes her happy. It’s what feeds her soul. It’s what makes her spirit soar.

She loves it so much, she just wishes she could share it with someone. But who? Her parents never cared for her talent. Her friends might think it’s cool the first few drawings but after that? Who knows.

Someone knocks on her door and slowly opens it. And for some reason, Y/N’s mind instantly runs to Eddie.

But it’s her sister who peeks through the crack in the door before sighing in relief and opening it all the way.

“Phew, you’re awake. And conscious.”

“What happened?”

“You stomped home and shut yourself in your room which is what you usually do now, but whenever we called you for lunch and dinner you didn’t answer so we checked in on you to see a drawing demon possessed you.”

Y/N looks around her desk.

“Are mom and dad mad?”

“Nah. They were weirded out at first but then they were just glad you weren’t crying or sleeping.”

“Oh,” Y/N replies, not sure if her parents' reaction is a good thing or a bad thing.

“Is everything okay? You’ve been acting really weird.”

Y/N glares at her sister. So much for the, now short lived, joy of drawing.

“It’s nothing.” Her sister would never understand.

“Is it because mom and dad won’t let you date? Just do it in secret. They won’t know the difference.”

“That was me trying to date him in secret,” Y/N offhandedly admits to herself. “Guess I’m no good at it.”

“It sucks, but you’ll get over it and then next thing you’ll know, you’ll have moved on to the next guy.”

Y/N shakes her head. “I don’t want to move into the next guy. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. You of all people should know that it’s not about which boy I date, but about not getting to date period.”

“You get better about hiding the more you do it.” Her sister shrugs.

“I don’t want to have to hide or lie about it. I hate doing that. I always feel horrible after.”

What Y/N wants is for her parents to be cool with her dating like her other friends' parents are. Y/N doesn’t want to feel like a bad daughter for falling in love.

Before her sister can respond, her mom calls out from downstairs.

“Is Y/N awake?”

“Yes,” her sister yells out.

“Come down, lunch is getting cold.”

Y/N’s sister raises her eyebrows before turning around and heading down stairs.

Y/N sullenly follows suit, trudging down the stairs. As she walks into the kitchen, she sees her family sitting at the table. Her mom's eyes light up when she sees Y/N.

Y/N begrudgingly takes a seat.

“Good afternoon sleeping beauty,” her mom teasingly greets. The words make Y/N cringe, but she musters a half smile.

“How are you feeling?”

Y/N shoves a fork into her food, “Fine”.

Y/N’s mom pointedly looks at her dad.

“We’re going to go to the grocery store after this, want to come? We can get your favorite cereal,” her mom excitedly offers.

What is Y/N, five years old?

“No thanks, I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? You’ve been up in your room an awful lot. Maybe it’ll do you good to go outside. Get some fresh air.”

Y/N shakes her head, “What’s the point? It’s not like I’m allowed to do anything fun right?”

“Drop the attitude Y/N,” her dad scolds.

“Y/N, you can’t be mad forever. There’ll be plenty of opportunities to have fun after high school.”

For a moment, Y/N thought she was in the clear. She thought things would get better again. But it turns out drawing was just the bandaid on a bullet wound.

The next day at school, Y/N’s mood slightly improves, only if she’s scribbling in her sketchbook.

Eddie notices her pulling it out in class and he could just cry. He’s so proud of her for getting into drawing again. He wishes he could say something to her or ask to see one of her drawings, but he knows there’s a line that’d be crossed if he did.

Later that day, Michelle and the rest of Y/N’s friends decide to finally talk to Eddie.

“You’re Eddie Munson, right?” Michelle asks as she approaches Eddie at his table at lunch.

“Who’s asking,” Eddie defensively replies.

“I’m Michelle, a friend of Y/N’s,” Michelle says and Eddie’s eyes soften. “We need to talk.”

Michelle leads him over to their lunch table where Y/N is undoubtedly gone again.

As Eddie sits down, the other girls stare at him, some confusingly, others surprisingly.

“What’s going on with Y/N. Is she okay?”

Michelle looks at him cautiously, “We could ask you the same thing Munson?”

“What are you talking about?” Eddie asks in confusion.

“We know something’s wrong with Y/N and we know you have something to do with it.”

“Uh, I’d say it’s more her parents fault than anything.”

The girls look at each other confused. Eddie furrows his own eyebrows in confusion.

“What do you mean?” Michelle asks.

“I mean, I know I’m kind of at fault for not being careful enough, but I just didn’t think her parents were going to find out, you know.”

“Y/N’s parents found out about you?!”

“Yeah,” Eddie responds looking at them curiously, “Did she not tell you?”

“Y/N hasn’t said a word to us since that weekend,” Michelle says. “Any idea why that is?”

“No,” Eddie shakes his head, “ I mean, I know why she’s avoiding me, but I don’t know why she would avoid you guys. She was grounded for a while and her parents wouldn’t let her go out or use the phone, but I’m pretty sure she could still talk to you at school.”

The girls look at each other in shock.

“Eddie, what exactly happened between you and Y/N that weekend,” Michelle asks. And Eddie tells the girls everything.

He tells them about how it all started with a simple chemistry assignment. That they’d seen each other practically every day after school. How she wanted to see him again, even though she was afraid of being caught. How much they’d grown to like each other, especially after that day at the lake.

But when he brought her home only thirty minutes past curfew, her parents absolutely flipped out. Her mom was outside waiting for her and saw Eddie. He had no idea what happened after that.

But when she’d called him later that night, she was crying. She’d sounded so heartbroken. And the following Monday at school, she called it off. And he hasn’t heard from her since.

“We need to go find Y/N right now,” Michelle declares as she stands up.

“And do what Michelle, interrogate her? It’s obvious she wants to be left alone.”

“She’s been left alone long enough. She needs us. All of us,” Michelle adds, looking pointedly at Eddie.

“And you, why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you do anything? You left her to deal with all that alone?” Michelle asks Eddie.

Eddie stands up and scowls, “Listen princess, you don’t know a thing about me, okay?”

Michelle and the other girls look at him with wide eyes and slack jaws.

“And I didn’t… I didn’t leave her to deal with it alone. I wanted to deal with it together, but she wouldn’t let me. She kept… pushing me away,” he mutters the last words through gritted teeth. He looks up at her, and she sees the pain and torment in his eyes.

Michelle looks at him with pity. She doesn’t know Eddie well, but it comes as a shock to see his tough guy persona facade crackling right in front of her very eyes.

She sits back down and takes a deep breath. Eddie sits down with her.

“Guys, what are we going to do?”

“Michelle’s right, maybe we should go talk to her, see what’s going on. Let her know we’re here for her.” One girl says.

“I don’t think it should be all of us though. I think she might get freaked out. You said she didn’t even want us to know right?” Another girl adds and Michelle nods.

“Maybe you should talk to her, Michelle. I think if it’s just you, she might be willing to open up.”

The lines in her forehead crease and she contemplates. “I don’t even know where to find her. I’ve seen her hide out in the library a few times and even then she always avoids me.”

“If she’s not there, she might be in the woods just past the school,” Eddie suggests.

“I think she has honor society meetings on Wednesdays too,” one girl adds.

“That’s today,” Michelle exclaims. “Okay, I know just what to do.”

“Wait,” Eddie juts his hand out.

“What?” Michelle asks.

Eddie’s eyebrows furrow and straighten. He blinks and opens his mouth, “I…”

The girls all look at him as he searches his brain for the right words to say.

“If you see Y/N, could you tell her that… I would let the whole world know I love Prince if it meant we could be together.”

***

For the rest of the school day, Michelle is lost in thought, planning out just what she’ll say to Y/N. A small part of her is worried the plan won’t work, but a bigger more determined part knows it will.

She knows Y/N tends to retreat inward when times get tough. That she hates letting it show when she has a moment of weakness, but that was usually over a bad test grade or minor problem she was having with someone in honor society. It’s never gotten this bad before.

Michelle waits for Y/N outside the honor society meeting room, nervously checking her watch. To her luck, Y/N is one of the last few to leave the room.

When Y/N walks out of the room, she doesn’t notice Michelle at first. Michelle stands straight and calls Y/N’s name. Y/N stops, like a deer frozen in headlights.

Michelle walks up to her and nervously smiles, “Hey.”

“Hi,” Y/N squeaks.

“Can we talk?” Michelle asks. Y/N looks at her nervously. “I was thinking we could go for a drive? I can give you a ride home too, so you don’t have to walk in the cold.”

Now that is an offer Y/N can’t refuse. But she still blinks nervously. “Ok.”

The two walk to the front of the school. “How was honor society today?”

“It was alright. We’re getting ready for winter formal.”

“Oh, that’s exciting,” Michelle says, “and stressful?”

“Exciting, yes,” Y/N laughs, “Stressful? Should be, but I just don’t have it in me to care anymore.”

“What?” Michelle asks in amused surprise. “Y/N, not caring about something school related? Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?”

Y/N weakly laughs. “It’s exhausting to care so much”

“Yeah, I hear that one” Michelle says as they get into her car.

They continue to make small talk as Michelle pulls into the parking lot of the public park by their houses. It’s the park they used to go to all the time as kids.

Michelle parks the car and looks over at Y/N.

“Hey girl, is everything okay? You’ve been really distant. The girls and I are starting to get worried about you.”

“Oh, haha, that?” Y/N laughs nervously, “sorry about that. I was just really caught up in college application season, you know? I just wanted to put all my time and effort into having the perfect application for U Chicago and didn’t want anything to distract me from it.”

Michelle sees through Y/N instantly. She knows there’s some truth in her explanation, but it’s not enough to explain the emotional distance too. But before she fully interrogates her, she decides to ease her way in.

“So how do you feel about your application? Have you submitted it yet?”

“Yeah, I submitted it over the weekend. I, um, I feel pretty good about it. I know I did the best I could. Just sort of worried it still won’t be…”

“Good enough?”

Y/N presses her lips together and nods.

“Y/N if U Chicago can’t see what a superstar you are, it is their loss, you hear me?”

Y/N smiles meekly, letting out a breathy laugh.

“Seriously. They’d be so lucky to have you as a student. You’re the smartest, most hardworking and talented person I know.”

“Thanks Michelle,” Y/N softly smiles. “It’s all just really nerve-wracking.”

“I know, but we all believe in you. You need to believe in yourself too, okay?”

“Yeah, I’m… trying,” Y/N smiles weakly.

Michelle looks down at the sketchbook in Y/N’s lap and smiles up at her.

“You’re drawing again?”

Y/N’s eyes widen, “Oh, um, yeah.”

“That’s awesome!” Michelle compliments, looking Y/N sincerely in the eye.

Y/N smiles shyly and looks away, “Yeah, um, now that I don’t have to worry about college applications that much anymore, I have more time for, um, this.”

“That’s really great. I’m happy you’re drawing again. I know how much you missed it.”

Y/N winces and smiles. “Yeah.”

Michelle leans over and peeks at the pages between Y/N’s fingers “Can I see one?”

Y/N’s head shoots up and her eyes grow to the size of golf balls. She clutches the sketchbook to her chest and tenses her shoulders.

Michelle nervously laughs and leans back, “I mean, if you ever wanted to, I’d love to see what you’ve drawn.”

Y/N loosens her grip and looks down. In a dream world, no one would ever bear witness to her creations. To live inside her mind this way would be too invasive. But at the same time, what’s the use of creating something if it isn’t meant to be shared with the world. As scary as the world is, her best friend might be a good start.

She opens the book slowly and flips through the pages to find one she knows Michelle will like.

It’s a picture of all the girls together at Starcourt mall. The day they went to see Footloose together. She even drew the movie poster in the corner.

She puts the book on display for Michelle and shs grabs the ends.

“Y/N,” Michelle squeaks, eyes widened in awe. “I love it.”

“Portraits and faces aren’t really my forte, but it’s a bit easier to draw things from memory.”

“No, no it’s perfect. The girls would love it too.”

Y/N frowns and Michelle tenses. “I mean, if you ever wanted to show them.”

Y/N presses her lips together.

“Y/N, I miss you Y/N. We all do. Why don’t you come sit with us at lunch anymore?”

Y/N opens her mouth to reply but nothing comes out.

“Did we do something to upset you?” Michelle asks cautiously.

“No, no,” Y/N shakes her head. “I’m just… I’ve just been busy, is all.”

“Y/N,” Michelle scolds.

“I-I am.” Y/N shrugs.

Michelle takes a deep breath in, “I know you’ve been busy with college applications and everything, butThis… This wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain member of the Hellfire Club, would it?”

Y/N eyes nearly pop out of her head as every muscle in her body tenses. “What?” She mutters between gritted teeth.

“I noticed you started avoiding us after that weekend you said you were going out with him. Did something happen?”

“Um, no, no. Nothing happened,” Y/N says nervously.

Michelle cocks an eyebrow, “Y/N, did Eddie do anything to… hurt you?”

“What?! No! No… Quite the opposite actually.”

“Oh, so what happened?”

“What happened?”

“Yeah, what happened with you and Eddie that weekend?”

“Um, it was… I just realized he wasn’t the right guy for me,” Y/N replies as she looks down and fidgets with the corners of her sketchbook.

Michelle glares at Y/N. Y/N peers up at Michelle.

“What?” Y/N asks innocently.

“Why are you lying?”

“I-I’m no—“

“Bullshit Y/N. I know what happened. Eddie told us everything.”

Y/N gasps, “You talked to Eddie?”

Michelle nods.

Y/N grows teary eyed imagining Eddie tell her friends about the moments they shared together in his trailer, at the diner, at the lake, in the back of his van.

“He told you… Everything?”

Michelle grabs Y/N’s hand and squeezes, “Everything.”

Y/N wiggles her hand out of Michelle’s grasp and brings both to cover her face. She hangs her head in her hands and starts sobbing.

“Y/N,” Michelle says endearingly. She wraps her arms around her and hugs her tightly. Y/N leans into her touch and continues to sob. Her teardrops run down her cheeks as her palms squish them flat.

“I know, I know. It’s okay,” Michelle comfortingly hums as she strokes Y/N’s hair.

She’s never seen Y/N like this before. She knows Y/N hates crying in front of others, so it must be something bad enough to make her act like this.

When some of her sobs soften, Michelle says, “Y/N I’m sorry things didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to, but you were so brave for putting yourself out there. It took a lot of courage.”

Y/N sniffles and sobs even harder. “It was so hard. It hurts so much.”

“I know, I know. It took a lot of guts. I’m proud of you for even trying.”

Y/N sheds a few more tears before moving her hands away and looking at Michelle.

“Really?”

Michelle smiles at Y/N’s puffy eyes and blotchy cheeks.

“Of course! I know how you are. And I know how your parents are. For someone who hardly ever listens to their heart, I’m glad you did this time. I know it must’ve been scary, but not a lot of people have the courage to follow their heart and do what makes you happy, especially when no one else understands.”

Y/N raises her eyebrows. Michelle places a hand on Y/N’s shoulder, “You deserve to be happy Y/N, even if it’s the school freak causing it ”

Y/N looks away and laughs. She mutters, “it doesn’t feel that way. My parents made sure of that.”

“Have you tried talking to them?”

Y/N glares at Michelle, “Not since the night it happened. They made it pretty clear they won’t budge on their stance.”

“Things are different now, right? Maybe that night they were just caught up in the heat of the moment. Maybe it’d be different if you tried talking to them now.”

“And what would I say? Hey mom, dad, can I please have a boyfriend? Pretty, please? All my friends have one.”

“No,” Michelle rolls her eyes and chuckles, “I’m just saying, let your parents know where you’re coming from. You’re a great daughter. They have every reason to trust you. And they should trust they raised a responsible girl.”

“Michelle,” Y/N shakes her head. “There’s no way I can do that. My parents aren’t like the parents you see on tv or in movies. I can’t just negotiate things with them. What they say is law and I have to abide by that if I want to make it out of there alive.”

Michelle frowns, “What if we were there with you?”

“Huh,” Y/N wipes her cheek.

“What if the girls and I were there with you while you talked to your parents? For moral support. And evidence of how great of a person you are to support your case.”

Y/N rolls her eyes, “you still have 4 years till you go to law school Miche, you don’t need to practice your lawyer skills on me.”

Michelle rolls her eyes and smiles. “It’s not like that, I’m simply exercising my human right to support my friends. So what if the scales of justice propel my life?”

Y/N laughs. “Thanks, but, in all honesty, I don’t think it’d be worth it. We’d all be wasting our time. My parents tell my sister and I time and time again that they’re not one of our friends. I doubt they’d care what you all have to say.”

Michelle searches Y/N’s eyes. She won’t take no for an answer. If not this way, then she'll find another, but she has to know. “If you knew there was a chance they might listen to what you have to say, and that you could convince them, would you want that?”

“What do you mean?”

“For arguments sake, let’s just say you could somehow convince your parents to let you date Eddie and actually change their minds about the whole thing.”

“Okay?”

“Would you want that to happen? To be able to change their minds?”

Without hesitation Y/N says, “Of course.”

Michelle grabs her hand and pauses for a moment before asking, “Do you miss Eddie?”

Y/N peers up at Michelle before looking down at her lap, brows furrowed. “I’m trying really hard not to.”

“I think he is too.”

“What,” Y/N eagerly looks at Michelle.

“Yeah. That boy has a real soft spot for you.”

Y/N scrunches her nose, “I don’t know about that.”

“He wanted me to tell you he really did love Purple Rain. Wouldn’t have pegged him for a Prince fan, personally.”

Y/N sniffles and laughs, “I guess that’s kind of my doing. We don’t really like the same music, but Prince became the one thing we could agree on.”

Michelle smiles at her.

“He learned to play a few songs for me too. It was really sweet,” Y/N sighs happily before her features turn down again. “Anytime I listen to his music, I think of Eddie and it makes me really sad.”

Michelle sighs. Y/N, who’s always been so strong, has never looked more weak and defeated.

Y/N might have lost hope, but Michelle hasn’t. She knows they can find a way to make things right. But for now, she doesn’t exactly know what that way is.

***

For the rest of the week, Y/N carries on like usual. She starts making brief appearances at lunch, but she usually comes up with some excuse to leave early.

When Y/N’s gone, Michelle tells the girls what happened when she talked to Y/N. “I don’t know how we’re going to do it, but we are going to make sure Y/N’s parents let her date Eddie.”

“How exactly are we going to do that?” One girl asks.

“I don’t know,” Michelle slumps in her seat. “I really think they’d hear Y/N out if one of us was there too. Especially if all of us are there. She needs our moral support and there’s strength in numbers.”

“Wouldn’t her parents just think we’re ambushing them?” Another girl asks.

“Maybe,” Michelle contemplates, “But maybe it wouldn’t be a complete ambush if Y/N didn’t know.”

“What?”Another girl asks. “Wouldn’t that be worse to just walk up to their door like, surprise! Now will you please give us ten minutes to convince you why our best friend should have a boyfriend?”

“Not exactly. But I think if we showed up and really talked to them, we could find common ground saying how we’ve been concerned about Y/N from the way she’s been acting and wanted to check on her. We heard what’s happened with Eddie and wanted to let you know how great of a guy he is for her.” Michelle explains.

“Shouldn’t Eddie be here for this conversation then?” One girl asks.

“I don’t know, should he?” Another chimes in.

“Yeah, he probably should. I mean, we are trying to get them back together right?”

“Yeah, let me go get him,” Michelle says. She walks over to Eddie’s table and summons him back to theirs.

“Here’s the deal Eddie, I talked to Y/N and she’s doing a lot better, but she’s still really broken up by this whole situation. So, I propose we all go to her house and talk to her parents to see if we can convince them to let you two date.”

“What? Are you out of your mind?” Eddie scowls. “No way. It’s a miracle I left her house in one piece that night.”

“Eddie, don’t tell me you’re scared of Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N?”

“I’m not… scared. I just know what I’m up against. I know her parents don’t like me and don’t want us to be together.”

“Well, I can’t guarantee they’ll like you any more after this, but if you want to date their daughter, they’ll at least need to respect you.”

Eddie sneers. In what world could any of this possibly work?

“And we’ll be right there with you. They like us, so you’ll get like ten points by association.”

Eddie shakes his head. He can at least pretend to entertain the thought that talking to her parents could work. “Okay, so what do I have to do?”

“You need to come with us, be presentable and on your best behavior, and help us convince Y/N’s parents to let her date you.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “What? You want me to grovel to her parents? No way.”

“Eddie c’mon.”

“No, not happening. Why should I be the one to kiss their asses? Why should I have to change myself for their approval? I swore to myself I’d never do that shit again.”

“Eddie, we’re not asking you to change yourself. It’s obvious Y/N likes you just the way you are. We’re not messing with that. We just need to show her parents… your good side.”

“My good side?”

“Yeah. Show them what a gentleman you are. That you’re gonna take care of their daughter and treat her with respect. That you’ll be a good influence on her.”

Eddie scowls in disgust. “What else? Do you want me in a monkey suit too? Cut my hair to a suitable non-Beatle length?”

“Eddie, work with us, okay? We’re on the same team.”

Eddie sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

“Look, let’s try a little role play. I’ll be her parents and you just answer as yourself.”

“Not the kind of role play I’d willingly get into but okay.”

“Eddie.”

“I was talking about D&D,” Eddie snickers.

Michelle rolls her eyes, “Okay, Eddie, is it. What are your intentions with our daughter?”

“To corrupt her. Stray her away from the path of God. Convert her into a super senior freak like me,” he answers confidently and smiles crazily with his tongue hanging out.

Michelle smacks his arm, “Eddie, I know you think you’re being funny right now, but this is serious. Do you want to be with Y/N yes or no?”

Eddie sighs and looks away, muttering, “Yes.”

“Okay, let’s try this again. Eddie, what are your intentions with our daughter?”

Eddie closes his eyes and breathes in. He opens them and looks straight into Michelle’s eyes. “I want to date your daughter. I know she isn’t normally allowed, but I care about her a lot and want to have an honest conversation about why I should.”

“Ooh,” the girls all coo.

Michelle raises her brows and nods, “Okay, that’s a start.”

“Ugh,” Eddie sneers. “I feel like I’m in court, pleading my case.”

“In a way, you are Munson. Her parents are the judge and we’re all witnesses. But lucky for you, I’m your attorney.”

“What?” Eddie asks with disdain.

“I want to be a lawyer when I’m older. I’ve been able to argue my way out of pretty much anything since I was 5.”

“Where were you the night we got caught?” Eddie rolls his eyes.

Michelle shakes her head. “Okay, let’s try another one. Eddie, our darling Y/N is a stellar student on the way to becoming a freshman at the University of Chicago. How are you doing in school? What are your plans after graduation?”

Eddie begins sweating, throat growing dry. “I don’t know what to say.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know the answer to that question isn’t something they want to hear.”

“Here we’ll workshop it. Just give me the real answer and we’ll work on the wording together.”

“Um, this is my third senior year and I don’t even know if I’ll graduate so I haven’t even thought that far enough?”

“Yikes, okay—“

Eddie rubs a palm over his face, “See! This is stupid there’s no way they’re gonna say yes to this,” Eddie comments as he points to his face.

“Eddie, get a grip, okay,” Michelle orders as she grabs his shoulders and shakes him. “It’s really starting to piss me off how hopeless you and Y/N are being about this.”

Eddie scoffs, “I hate this. I never care what anyone thinks about me. But for Y/N… for some reason, I do. It was enough of a miracle for her to like me. And I normally wouldn’t care what her parents think either, but it means enough to her for me to.”

Michelle looks at him understandingly.

“And her parents… I barely met her mom so not enough to get a real impression. But from what Y/N’s told me… I’m terrified. I mean, you've met her parents right? How are you not afraid of them?”

“Well for one, I know how to kiss ass to get what I want. But two, I’m not really afraid of anyone. If someone doesn’t like me that’s their problem. And if they make it my problem, I know I can just change their minds. It’s really not that hard. Just takes a little work.”

“For you, maybe,” Eddie spits.

“That’s what I keep trying to tell you Eddie. I’m here to help you and Y/N. We only have a fighting chance if we all combine our strengths together.”

Eddie humphs knowing Michelle is right.

“So what should I say?”

“Well, you can admit that academics aren’t your strong suit in the way Y/N’s are. It sounds nice and it’s the truth. Then just tell them what other things you’re good at.”

“Um, so I could just say… Can you repeat the question?”

“Sure. What are you like in school Eddie? Any big plans after graduation?”

“Um, school is… okay… but not exactly where I shine. I leave that all to Y/N,” Eddie laughs nervously.

“That’s good,” one girl encourages.

“She’s right, that was good,” Michelle says. “Go on.”

“I, um, play guitar. I’ve been playing for as long as I can remember. I used to play for the school band, but stopped so I could form my own band. We, um, have a gig at a small venue just outside town every Tuesday.”

“That’s good. What about life after graduation?”

“Um, as for after graduation. I… won’t be going to college. I plan to start working. I used to, um… help my dad work on cars when I was younger. I still do it sometimes with my Uncle so I think I’ll probably try to become a mechanic.”

The girls look at him and contemplate his answer.

Eddie nervously looks across their faces, “How was that? Was that… good?”

Michelle looks off into space, “Yeah, I’m just trying to think if there’s anything they might find an issue with but no I think that answer was good.”

Eddie nods.

“And just so you know, humility goes a long way with them. Having confidence is good, but if you get cocky with them they’re gonna hate it. The nervous ums and stuff will help.”

Eddie quirks his eyebrow. “Remind me to hire you when you pass the bar.”

Michelle mocks salutes, “Will do Munson.”

“So, what else do you think they’ll ask?”

“Well they’ll probably just try to get to know you. Know what their daughter is getting into. They might ask you about your interests and hobbies or your family and friends.”

Eddie sharply inhales.

“Listen, you don’t have to tell them anything you don’t want to, but give them enough. They’ll want to know what Y/N’s getting herself into and trust that she’ll be okay.”

“No pressure right?” Eddie uncomfortably jokes.

“Eddie, the most important question you’ll need to answer is: why should we let you date our daughter?”

Eddie gulps. His forehead creases as he tries to find the right words.

“Because… I really like her. And… she’s a great girl.” Eddie winces and shrugs

Michelle furrows her eyebrows and leans forward, “Eddie, dig deep. Is that really all you’ve got?”

“No, I'm just… I don’t know what to say, man. I’m not good with words.”

“Well you better find them. This is your only shot at getting Y/N back and I’d hate to see you blow it.”

Eddie scowls at Michelle. She’s annoying, but she’s right. What other choice does he have? If he can’t change Y/N’s mind, maybe he can change her parent’s minds.

Will they be reasonable people? Who the hell knows. But he’ll be damned if he doesn’t even try.

“Fine, let me try again,” He sys through partially gritted teeth. Michelle gives him a small encouraging smile. She takes a beat and repeats the question, “So Eddie, why should we let you date our daughter?”

Eddie takes a deep breath in. He furrows his eyebrows in concentration.

“Well Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N,” he cringes at the formality, “Dating Y/N is an honor I’m not quite sure I even deserve. Believe me, I don’t take it for granted one second that a beautiful girl like her, as smart as she is, even likes someone like me. Does Y/N deserve a guy like me? Probably not. She deserves the damn world. And I’ll do everything I can to give it to her.”

The girls all widen their eyes and say their “aw’s”

Eddie flinches, “And, um, I promise to take care of her. To respect her. To listen to her. To support her. Whatever she needs, I want to give that to her and more.”

Michelle nods, “That’s it.”

***

The next day drones on as usual, till Y/N stays after school for tutoring. After her session with a boy on the basketball team is over, she clears up her desk and packs her things in her bag.

“Good work Travis, I’ll see you next week,” she waves him off as he leaves his desk and exits the classroom.

She exits the classroom soon after and makes her way down the empty hall. She turns into a different hallway and nears the drama room. She slows down her pace to a stop before the closed door. She takes a deep breath in and edges closer to the small window on the door, only to find an empty room with the light turned odd. She lets a breath out and sullenly walks toward the front of the school.

She opens the doors and tightens her jacket to her chest as a blast of cold air hits her in the face. She grits her teeth, bracing for the cold, and nearly chokes on the scent of cigarette smoke nearby.

As she approaches the parking lot, a cloud of smoke presents the nearby offender, no doubt leaning against the pillar. She cranes her head in an attempt to see who it might be, but the view is blocked.

She shrugs it off and continues to walk, not caring enough to investigate further. She has to get home and out of this wretched cold. November is off to quite a frigid start.

“Y/N?” A voice undoubtedly coming from the smoker calls out to her.

Y/N freezes in her tracks. She should just ignore him and keep walking, but her body won’t let her.

“Y/N,” the voice calls out again and Y/N turn over her heels. She finds Eddie leaning against the pillar, one leg bent, foot pressed against the cinderblock. He drops the cigarette in his hand and lowers his foot to stomp it out. His hair shakes and the chain on his jeans jingle in the process.

Y/N’s throat dries as she nervously watches him, still very frozen in place.

Eddie cautiously walks, no struts, over to her, reeboks stomping against the pavement in the process, and offers her the smallest smile. Even after all this time, just seeing him like this is enough to make her heart skip a beat.

Shut up heart, It’s just Eddie.

“Hey,” Eddie whispers in a raspy voice, peering deep into her eyes.

“Hey,” Y/N squeaks, surprising herself by returning his strong gaze. She hasn’t spoken to Eddie in weeks.

They stare blankly at each other for a moment before Y/N is the first to break the silence. “What are you doing here?”

“Needed to clear my head,” he shrugs casually.

Y/N cocks an eyebrow up, “On school grounds, when last class let out an hour ago?”

Eddie shrugs painfully, “Yeah.”

Y/N gives him an unconvinced look.

“Was supposed to be at Hellfire, but I cut the meeting short.”

“Oh,” Y/N whispers, “What happened?”

Eddie presses his lips together, “The boys were just… their heads weren’t in the game, you know?”

Not really, but she nods as if she does. The tension in his eyebrows and clenched jaw tell her it wouldn’t be such a good idea to poke the bear.

“What about you?” Eddie asks.

“Tutoring,” Y/N meekly responds.

Eddie nods and notices the way Y/N tightens her arms crossed over her chest and the slight shivering of her shoulders.

“You headed home?”

Y/N turns over her shoulder and nods at him.

Eddie reaches back and scratches at the back of his neck. “Could I, uh, give you a ride home? If that’s okay?”

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” Y/N mumbles.

“C’mon, it’s freezing out. Can’t have my local smart pants getting sick on my watch.”

Y/N slightly snorts at his comment and it brings a grin to Eddie’s face.

“Thanks Eddie, but I-”

“C’mon,” He gently grabs her wrist, “You’re off probation right?”

He winks and she surprisingly finds the humor in a joke about the longest month of her life.

Y/N nods and Eddie tugs, leading her to his van. “Your chariot awaits.”

Y/N complies in a stunned silence. As she climbs into the van, the worn seats feel foreign under her skin. They can’t be the same seats she sat in a little over a month ago.

But much like Hawkins, nothing in this van has changed, only her.

Eddie starts the car and remains stationary to let the vehicle warm up. They sit in a comfortable silence as Eddie tunes the radio to Y/N’s favorite station even though a commercial is on. Y/N refrains from smiling despite the tug she feels at the corner of her mouth.

Once the van has warmed up, Eddie pulls out of the parking lot and off to Y/N’s house. His rough slender fingers curled around the steering wheel.

The two remain in comfortable silence till they reach a stop light and suddenly, Cyndi Lauper’s Time After Time comes on.

Both Eddie and Y/N instantly look at each other when the melancholy rhythm fills their ears. Before the first verse is sung, the light turns green and Eddie’s attention is back on the road while Y/N’s is on her lap. She can feel the blood pumping in her veins along the beat of the song

Lying in my bed, I hear the clock tick and think of you

Caught up in circles

Confusion is nothing new

Flashback, warm nights

Almost left behind

Suitcase of memories

Time after

Sometimes you picture me

I'm walking too far ahead

You're calling to me, I can't hear

What you've said

Then you say, "go slow"

And I fall behind

The second hand unwinds

But before Cyndi can sing the heartfelt lyrics, “If you're lost you can look and you will find me, time after time,” Y/N lowers the volume to silence.

She looks up at him, “That song is…”

Eddie nervously laughs, “Yeah, ha, I know.”

He awkwardly looks back onto the road before him.

Y/N’s a bit surprised he even knows the song. She guesses no one can escape the heartfelt words of Cyndi Lauper, but they just ring too close to home, in a car ride with Eddie no less.

In a matter of minutes, Eddie is pulling up to Y/N’s house. She’s simultaneously thankful this carride is almost over and disappointed that this is all the time she’ll get with Eddie.

She looks out the window and glances at the red brick home. This time with a noticeable lack of tension in her shoulders or heart rate that would alarm several doctors. This time, she feels nothing.

She turns over and looks at Eddie who is intently observing her reaction. “Everything okay?”

Y/N nods sullenly. Eddie looks at her, waiting to see what she’ll do next.

Y/N looks out the window again and sees a few of the neighborhood children out riding their bikes. She turns back to Eddie and curves her lips upward slightly.

“Thanks for the ride Eddie.”

Eddie looks at her puzzled, but more relieved than anything that she’s not ardently avoiding him.

“No problem,” he nods, “I’ll always have your back.”

Y/N cocks her head to the side before shaking it and unbuckling her seatbelt.

“Goodbye Eddie,” she sweetly says as she opens the door.

“Goodbye sweetheart,” Eddie says. Y/N freezes for a slight second, feeling her heart constrict in her chest. She recovers by climbing out of the vehicle and shoving her bag over her back. She closes the door behind her and smiles at Eddie. He nods and waits for her to enter the home.

She slowly walks to the door. There’s no reason to rush and avoid the risk of being caught. She already has been.

She opens the door to the house and turns over her shoulder to see Eddie wave and drive off.

She steps inside, embracing the welcomed heat.

“Hey honey, how was school?” Her mom calls from the kitchen. For a second, her brain is on red alert, worried that her mom might’ve seen Eddie’s car. But as quickly as the thought enters her head, it leaves. What’s the worst that could happen? She gets grounded again? Her parents put some restraining order on Eddie?

“Hey mom. School was fine,” Y/N neutrally responds.

“Learn anything exciting?”

“Not really,” Y/N responds truthfully before excusing herself to go upstairs and work on some homework before dinner.

At the back of her head, she worried her mom might’ve seen Eddie and was just waiting to bring it up later, but as the evening turned into night, nothing ever happened.

Either she didn’t know or she wasn’t bothered enough to say anything.

***

When Friday night rolled around, Y/N enjoyed the refuge of her own bedroom, as she had for the past several weeks. But this time, she felt more restless than usual.

None of the songs on her tape deck sounded right. None of her drawings were coming out quite right. Even when she went downstairs to rummage through the pantry, none of the snacks appealed to her despite the loud rumbling coming from her stomach.

She trudged back up the stairs and into her room and decided to do something she hadn’t done in a really long time. She closed the door and turned off all the lights. She walked over to the window and opened the curtain. For a second, she almost hoped to find Eddie down below, throwing rocks at her window once again.

She brought her desk chair near the window and sat on it. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She sat in silence like that for a few breaths before opening her eyes and gazing out at the stars above her.

A lot of the streetlights were on, so it was hard to see, but the few she could, she decided to count them.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five Six. Seven.

She closed her eyes and pleaded to the stars, asking for answers as to what she should do.

The ritual began when she was a young girl, praying to God for an A on her test or for her parents to stop fighting. Over the years it turned into harder questions she couldn’t ask anyone else but the stars up above.

Something about starry skies was more comforting to her spirit than any church could ever be. Oftentimes, they had better answers too.

But tonight, there was only silence.

“Please, I need to know,” Y/N pleaded. She rubbed her palms over her face and rested her chin in her hands.

She wished the stars could tell her what to do. She wished they could give her an answer.

Ever since she’d spoken to Michelle and ran into Eddie, Y/N had been feeling conflicted. Once the heat simmered down and she served her sentence, Y/N kept laying low. School and drawing took up a majority of her time and she thought she would be fine with that. But Michelle and Eddie reminded her just how much she’d missed the people in her life.

She knows that Michelle and her other friends will always be in her corner. Sometimes she needs time alone to figure things out, but they’ll always be there when she comes back.

But Eddie… She almost lost him forever. Her car ride with him confirmed just how big that almost was, but she knows they’re on thin ice.

She looks out to the stars, hoping for an answer. They glimmer against the dark night sky, but say little else.

She wants Eddie back in her life, even if she can’t date him which she knows is impossible. But, since her parents don’t seem to be too upset anymore, Y/N’s willing to bet they might tolerate Eddie as a friend.

She knows it might take some begging and pleading, but she knows she’s earned it. And that Eddie would be worth fighting for.

But before she does any of that, maybe it would be a good idea to see Eddie and talk to him first. She knows she could call him up, but this is a conversation that needs to be had in person.

Maybe she could surprise him at the trailer tomorrow. She doesn’t know if it’ll go well, but it’s worth a shot.

***

The next morning Eddie and Y/N’s friends meet up at Michelle’s house.

“Glad you could finally show up,” Michelle greets Eddie as she lets him through the front door. “Even though you smell like an ashtray.”

Eddie huffs as he follows Michelle, “Excuse me for wanting to calm my jangled nerves.”

Michelle leads him to her room where the rest of the girls are hanging out. “Relax Eddie, we have your back. And with a few adjustments, you’ll be ready to go.”

Eddie cocks his eyebrow and looks over at the other girls milling about the room.

“Take a seat,” Michelle gestures toward her bed. Eddie cautiously sits at the edge and looks up at the other girls in confusion.

“Good to know you have a pair of pants without holes in them,” one of the girls quips as another starts working on his hair.

“Is it that hard to believe,” Eddie asks sarcastically.

“Little bit,” she winks and smiles. Eddie nervously chuckles and lets out a small sigh of relief.

“I’m not crazy about the Black Sabbath shirt though,” Michelle complains as one of the girls gently combs through Eddie’s hair.

“This is all I have. Sorry I can’t be Tom Cruise.”

“Well, you don’t need to be Tommy Lee either.”

Eddie scoffs and narrows his eyes, “You insult me.”

“Stop moving,” the girl doing his hair orders. She brings a hand to block his face and sprays water along his locks before combing through and applying a gel.

“And this jacket situation has got to go,” one of the girls comments as she glares at his leather jacket and jean vest.

Eddie rolls his eyes, “Cmon, it’s the only jacket I have. It’s a part of me.”

“Keep still,” The girl doing his hair orders as she scrunches at the damp locks, creating a more defined curl to his tresses.

“Not to worry, you can still be you even without your metal uniform. I bet there’s a jacket my brother left behind that you can borrow.”

“Huh?”

“He’s off at Indiana State, so what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

Eddie shrugs as Michelle rummages through the coat closet down the hall.

“At least it covers your tattoos. Y/N’s parents… aren’t the most fond of those,” one of the other girls comments.

Michelle walks over with a maroon cable knit sweater and cream colored carpenter jacket.

“When your hair is done, put these on.”

Eddie reaches out and touches the knit fabric, masking a look of disgust in his face, “I feel like I should be on the cast of Happy Days.”

“Take off your shoes too.”

“What?”

“Take off your shoes.”

“Why?”

“So we can clean them. Muddy Reeboks are very punk rock but that won’t impress Y/N’s parents.”

“Punk? Please, you insult me,” Eddie snarls. “There’s a very big difference between punk and metal.”

“Why don’t you tell that to Y/N’s parents,” one of the girls sarcastically snickers.

“Why don’t you bite me,” Eddie snarls.

“Eddie,” Michelle gasps.

“And you,” Michelle looks pointedly at the girl, “Knock it off.”

“Girls, could I have a moment alone with Eddie,” Michelle pleads.

“Fine, okay,” the girls grumble.

“I’m done with your hair Eddie. I kept it natural, but a little more defined at the curls. They’re gonna love it, and so will Y/N,” the last girl to leave pats Eddie on the shoulder and smiles.

Eddie’s shoulders relax and he smiles back at her as she leaves the room.

Michelle pulls the chair from her desk and sets it in front of Eddie. She takes a seat and tries to look Eddie in the eye despite his avoidant gaze.

“Eddie,” Michelle calls out to him. Eddie looks at her from the corner of his eye. “Look, it’s just us, okay?”

Eddie sighs exasperatedly. “What?”

“Eddie, relax okay. I know you’re nervous but–”

“I’m not nervous.”

“Then what are you Eddie? ‘Cause you’re acting really weird.”

Eddie widens his eyes and furrows his eyebrows. He turns away and reaches to scratch the back of his neck, “I don’t know man. Just feels weird.”

“What feels weird?”

“All of it. Feels like I’m about to take a test or something. I mean, this isn’t me. Changing my hair?”

“Well, your hair doesn’t look that different, just a little neater.”

“Changing my clothes?”

Michelle gazes at the sweater and jacket laid out next to him.

“Changing myself?”

Michelle’s eyes turn down.

“I know, we’re asking a lot of you. But we wouldn’t be asking this if we knew it wouldn’t make Y/N happy… We’re on your side.”

Eddie furrows his eyebrows and nods.

“What’s wrong Eddie?”

Eddie shakes his head, “I mean we’re doing all this, but what’s the point? What if I’m still not good enough for them?”

Or good enough for her.

Michelle sighs and pats his knee. “Eddie, look, I don’t know you that well, but what I do know is that you’re a fighter.”

“Bullshit,” Eddie laughs.

“I’m no fighter. See this guy?” Eddie points to himself. “Textbook runner. When the going gets tough I… always seem to run.”

Michelle takes a cold hard look at him. “What are you running from?”

“What?”

“You said you’re a runner right? So what exactly are you running from?”

Eddie shrugs, “I don’t know.”

“There’s gotta be something.”

Eddie stares at her blankly.

“I mean, do you even want us to do this anymore?”

Eddie nods and looks at her, in a way she can’t decipher.

“So, what is it Eddie?”

Eddie can’t tell her he runs away because he’s scared. He’s afraid to fight because he’s afraid he’ll lose. That the voice of his old man still looms in his head telling him so.

“What have you got to lose?” Michelle asks.

Eddie thinks about it for a moment. He supposes there’s nothing to lose at this point. The worst her parents could say is no, again. That he’d spend another excruciating day without Y/N.

“Look, you gotta promise this stays between us, alright?”

Michelle nods and takes a finger to make a cross motion over her chest. “Cross my heart.”

“You flap your lips about this to anyone and your ass is grass you hear that?”

Michelle stifles a laugh, sensing the seriousness in Eddie’s tone. “Okay.”

“I know what people in this no good town think of me. I know it’s not great. And as much as I hate to admit, it’s a lot harder to let it roll off my back than I’d like.”

Michelle nods in understanding.

“I want Y/N’s parents to… accept me. It’s stupid and ridiculous, but I do. But I don’t want it to come at the cost of conformity.”

“Eddie, I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. You’re a surprisingly likable person. In all your dorky metal loving glory.”

Eddie chuckles and rolls his eyes.

“I think that’s why Y/N probably likes you so much. You’re someone who isn’t afraid to be themselves. And I think she is, but you show her how not to be.”

Eddie’s eyes soften at the surprising observation.

“When you’re not so guarded or sarcastic or cocky, you’re not such a bad guy. And I think Y/N’s deserve a chance to see that side of you. They might even surprise you.” Michelle adds.

Eddie thinks about it. He wonders if Y/N’s parents could truly surprise him.

“But besides that, this isn’t all just about you, you know? I mean, I know your ass is on the line, but so is Y/N’s. This is a battle Y/N’s been fighting her parents forever on and she needs our help.”

Eddie purses his lips and furrows his brows.

“So what do you say, hot shot? Are you just gonna sit there or are you gonna stand up and fight for your girl?” Michelle roars

Eddie's eyes widen. He feels as though a literal fire has been sparked inside him.

His girl.

He doesn’t want to be a runner. Not anymore. He wants to be a fighter. If not for him, then for his girl.

“Alright. Okay,” Eddie nods.

“That’s not good enough. I need to hear you say it Eddie.”

“I’m gonna fight.”

“You’re gonna what?”

“I’m gonna fight,” Eddie exclaims.

“Who are you gonna fight for Eddie?”

“For Y/N!”

“And?”

“For us!”

“And?”

“Who else are you fighting for?”

“Uh, love?”

“No silly,” Michelle pokes harshly at his chest, “You’re fighting for you too.”

----------------------------------------------

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