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bubbles-for-all-of-us · 9 months

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Always have but never hold

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a/n not even deathly pain could keep me away. Hope you all would enjoy this part eight. Think we might be getting close to the end here. Thank you for the love and patience.

warnings: forceful behavior, abusive relationship, degradation, swearing, past trauma, fighting, mentions of blood, mentions of sexual interactions. I think that's all....

Parts in cursive are memories

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You weren't sure if it was you who was on fire or if the room was burning, but no one except you noticed. You kept asking yourself how many fake smiles were too many. Your cheeks were aching. Surely, that was a sign that this was it. You had reached for the empty container, glancing at the pile of open bottles that were lined by the bins. There was no glass container, so you assumed that was how you were meant to store them for now. You dropped your cigarette on the ground carelessly before reaching for the back door handle.

"Down it, sis", the voice found you almost immediately, and a full-body shiver ran through you. Here they all were. You used to like them. Dreamed of being a part of their friend group. Maybe still did. It was all so confusing. So rough around the edges. You shook your head, "Good for now", you smiled, dropping the crate near the other still-full boxes of booze. "Ask your bitch, dude. It seems like she barks just for you", one of the guys said, as you bit the inside of your cheek, anger started to bubble within you. Ezra's friend treated you like their beating bag most times. And he... Well, you would hope he would opt to stand up for you, but...

"Drink", your boyfriend nodded towards the glass of whatever concoction their high selves had created. Your eyes met his. The room seemed to quiet down. The rest of the group was smiling from ear to ear. This was free entertainment for them. "I don't want to", you muttered under your breath as u's and boo's filled the room. And there was that twisted look on Ezra's face as he crooked his head. Daring you silently to say that one more time. You know that the best option here was to nod and step forward, but you found yourself shaking your head instead.

And then it was all a blur. Your brain was too slow at processing how and when Ezra had crossed the distance between the two of you. When he grabbed your hand. Turned to yank you up the stairs. You were convinced that you heard giggles as you went from the grope. And then a rough shove. A cold wall. The breath was knocked out of your lungs. A harsh hold was on your jaw as he spat, "You dare to embrace me like that, huh?", your lower lip wobbled. "Can you fucking do what you're told? Why do you have to be so useless?", for a flicker his face morphed into Carmys, and you tried to shake your head.

"I don't want this", you said. For so long, too afraid to say anything about it. Ezra had laughed, "You ungrateful bitch", and then he was dragging you across the bedroom. Shoving you through the closest doors "What are you doing?", you had managed to mutter before you heard a click and all color drained from your face. You gave the door a little push, but they didn't budge. He had locked you in. "No, Ez, please no. Open the door", the panic started to spread. As you banged your palms against the door, "Open the door, open the door, please", but there was no answer or reply, "Don't leave me here; open the door, open the door".

You had pulled your face out of the freezing stream of water. Usually, the sound of water all around you drowned out the noises in your head. Brought you as far as your childhood days went. When you would leap from the little bridge into the cold lake water, and all the buzzing excitement. The laughter. Anything and everything would die down the moment you were deep within the water. Time would stop. There was only that moment. A moment of stillness. And then the body would rise again.

It was a wimp, truly. Nothing more. Nothing less. You were fidgety and uneasy ever since you landed in Chicago. And the thing was that the flight itself was such a wuss too. A rush of adrenaline. All the emotions bubbled up so extensively that it was too much. They were too suffocating. You had to go. Couldn't stay in one place for long. It felt like your body was going to explode otherwise. Like your brain was going to take off running and you wouldn't be able to keep up with it.

You left Luca with a note as you slipped out of bed in the middle of the night. A part of you felt guilty about that. The other, however, knew that it was he who put this into motion. It was so easy with him. Always so easy. You never second-guessed. You didn't need to have any of your guards up. Because Luka knew you. Inside and out. You doubted there was a flaw in your body that you hadn't shown to him and that he, in return, hadn't held with such delicate care.

You sank to the shower floor, bringing your knees closer to your chest as the water poured down your naked frame. You weren't even sure how you ended up at the restaurant. That same urge had brought you there, no doubt. Must have. A curiosity. A poisonous inkling. What if Carmy was there, and so was she? What then? You would just know that he spends his afternoons with her. Cooks for her with the love that he poured into the dishes he had made for you back then? That he had finally replaced you. That you were again nothing more than a piece of trash beneath someone's shoe that one was eager to shake off. But there was no Claire there. There was no sign of dinner plates being shared. There was no smell of food. Just a fire. A big, blazing fire and Carmen was reaching toward it. And then there was your pulling at him. You dragging him away. The pounding in your ears as you looked over his hands for any signs of irritated skin, a burn, or blisters forming. And he was just staring at you as if you were Venus itself, who had stepped out of one of Botticelli's paintings. Holy figure. A vision.

"Fucking breathe", you had barked at him when Carmen just kept on blurring your name over and over again. You started to hate the sound of it. The sound of anything. And then Carmen pulled you into his embrace, and you let him. And a part of you melted for the time being. It felt as if finally. Finally, you had found the exact thing that you had been craving, and the thought of it until this moment was making you sick. It felt like that sweet sensation of relief when you finally get the itchy spot on your body that you just couldn't seem to grasp for so long.

To Carmen, it too felt like this was it. Finally, you were here, and it would all start to fall into place, but then there was you. Pushing against his chest as you tried to get away from him. And he wanted to fight that. He held you close against him, but he knew it was wrong. That was your choice to make. It was your shot to call, and he was not going to take it away from you. Carmen wasn't all that surprised as he met your angry, blazing eyes. "Do you have a death wish? Does... Has no one told you that you don't...", you rambled on, "Fuck, Carmen". And if only you knew how many things he wanted to tell you. The thought itself overwhelmed him. Carmen wasn't even sure where to start. What to say first? Which words were more important? Had more value? But nothing came out of his mouth. He stood there, staring at you.

"Are you high or something? Have you been taking some shit?", you moved closer to inspect his pupils. Carmen realized. "No, no...", he muttered. It was taking all of his strength to not let his hands touch your hips, just as he was used to. Just how it had been so natural for him, but then he was so hyper-aware that any wrong or poor choice would push you away. "I've...", Carmen had rasped out before you cut in, "Does anything hurt?"

And Carmen saw it in your eyes. That same care, that same longing to protect him. To look after him. He saw you once again snarling at his mother as you threw the remaining white lilies her way. A warning finger pointed at her as you said, "You don't raise a hand at him". Carmen had never felt so safe before. Of course, the desire to protect you was there too. Strong and itching, and he has always had and always will protect you. But it was your will to fight for him that lit something up within him.

Carmy was about to reach for you, to ask the same question, to make sure that you two were safe, and then... "Bunny, you're okay?", Carmy's brain must have shut down for a moment. As he watched you turn away from him, all the attention slipped elsewhere. To someone who has opened all of the doors by now. Who had a towel in his hand. Fanning the smoke away. The fire alarms should have gone off. Why didn't they? Was this too broken? Something Richie failed to mention. Fucking Richie...

And then Carmy couldn't seem to move because... He watches as Luca, the fucking Luca of all people, approached you. How he rested his palms over your cheeks. How you didn't pull away. How you let him touch you. Touch you as Carmen used to. His fists clenched as he watched. "I'm fine; I didn't... I just pulled him away. What are you doing here?", and there's no anger or frustration in your tone. None of it as you spoke with him, but it was just there seconds ago. Directed right at Carmen. It's the way Luca nodded, tugging a strand of your hair behind your lips, that set something loose in Camen. A blinding rage. A soaring desire to just...

You barely managed to catch it. Carmen's hands come into contact with Luca's side. It wasn't a punch. A shove, but a shove nonetheless. It sent you stumbling slightly as well. Just from the shared fact that Luca was still holding onto you, your eyes fell on Carmen. The deadly. The angry look he carried. The sick look on his face. A picture from the past. A glimpse. A... "What are you... Stop it!", you shouted, trying to thread your hands through the tangle of limbs. As Luka too turned to Carmen, the messenger here was clear: "Fucking. Fuck no, stop", you still tried as they took fistfuls of one another's shirts. Getting way too close in each other's personal space.

But then it's the old house. You're barely standing. You barely have clothes on. Luca with a cut on his eyebrow. The warm blood had trickled down the side of his face. You can only see fragments through your teary eyes, but you push in between them, shoveling as hard as you can, "Stop, Ezra, stop". The room suddenly stills. Your body feels frozen. You open your eyes, and it's Carmy who's looking at you. His arms had fallen to the side as he looked you over, even more confused than before. Your hand quickly came up to cover your mouth.

"Oh, so there's more than just one?", Carmy's words made your guts twist. The little, helpless, defenseless girl was standing back here. Shaking her head. "You don't understand", you muttered back, "You don't know anything". Now it was Carmen shaking his head as his eyes moved between you and Luca. "And you dared to blame me?", now that set flames within you as you stepped forward, "I was never disloyal to you! It was you who dragged that girl back home", "You've been fucking him these last weeks?", but your palm came into contact with his chest as you gave it a light shove. "Don't you dare call me names, Carmen"? You hold his gaze for a moment longer before dropping it as you turn to rush out of one of the open doors. The shake of Luca's head as he followed you out, "You've stepped low, mate". And Carmy was left to watch as Luca finally caught up to you. How he pulled at your hand to make you slow down. Pulling you into his arms. Even from where Carmen stood in between the doorframe leading to the back alley, he could hear the cries that wrecked you. Carried by the wind. By some upper power. To show him once more that it's you, big guy, who's making her sob like that in the middle of the street. But the jealousy ran thicker this time. Drowning out the inner voice.

Carmen was practically lying on top of you, his face nuzzled into your skin. You ran your fingers through his hair softly. Gently tugging at the roots from time to time. He lifted his head slowly, flashing you a lazy smile that you didn't hesitate to return before his lips started trailing kisses all over your chest and neck. "I wish I could melt into you sometimes", he whispered, breathing in the smell of your skin. The cold chain on his neck brushed against your warm skin, making you shiver slightly. "You're quite literally still inside me", you giggled, and Carmy didn't hesitate to give you a lazy thrust, making you wrap your legs around his lower body once again. You had finally found time for one another after a long and busy spell. So parting seemed like way too much now. Impossible even.

"You're all I've wished to have. The...", his words died down as he leaned closer, brushing his lips over yours, "You've begun to feel like home". Your eyes tried to catch him because of those words. Those words were exactly how you were feeling all this time. This. Whatever was between you two always felt bigger. Simple words felt too dull. After all these years of running, you could finally stop. Finally breath. Finally, allow yourself to wrap yourself up in the warmth that was Carmen.

The kisses grew messy and eager. It was so easy to just melt together. To become one and forget about the world. "I want you to sketch the restaurant. Bring the bear to life", Carmen said between kisses, making you still. "What...", you muttered, trying to make him look up at you, abandon the sweet spot on your neck, and just look up at you. "I want you to be a part of it. Want to display your art there", you wanted to believe that this wasn't a blissful delusion as you pulled him to look at you properly, meeting his eyes. Eyes that, yes, were high on love but serious. "Carm, that... that's big...", you stuttered, thinking about what a big step that would be if your silly little creations saw the daylight. As if sensing your worries and your doubts, Carmen quickly packed your lips before kissing the tip of your nose gently and saying, "I love you. Everything about you, I want to show you the world".

You didn't want to see anyone. Didn't want to face people. Luca had sat with you through the night. Had stepped into the shower to drag you out of that freezing stream. Made you a cup of tea. You wanted to just lie down and not think. Not think about Carmen. Get him out of your thoughts. So maybe meeting with Marcus and Sydney was a good idea after all. Maybe that was exactly what you needed.

"I will beat his ass for real", Sydney huffed as she twirled the pasta Luca had made for everyone around the fork. You had finally told her everything. You needed to get it off your chest, and it felt nice. To have someone. Someone who wasn't just Luca "Don't; I already dragged Luca into this", you let your gaze drift to him. Flour covered his hands as he showed Marcus how to form different shapes of pastry. And Marcus, who looked like a kid in the candy shop. Eyes sparkling. He gave him a concentrated look as he nodded at everything that Luca said.

"He cares about you a lot", Sydney said, making you drop your gaze as you let out a sigh, "I'm convinced that he's my guardian angel". You pushed the food around the plate, letting the moment of silence fall over the two of you. "And Carmen and him? Their friends", you let out a snicker at that, "I... I met Carmen properly because of Luca".

You were laying on the sofa, your head hanging from the side, as you listened to Luca speak, "It's just a couple of chefs. Please, I need backup". You let out a laugh, shaking your head. "You need backup? As if... Plus that dick of a roommate is out tonight... I want to enjoy my peace". It wasn't that you two bumped into one another often, but even when you did, it was too much. So with him gone and it being a Friday night, the possibilities were endless. "I need you. There will be some pretty big dogs there. You ground me".

That's how you found yourself in someone's apartment. With trays of food in hands, helping Luca carry everything that he had already made and was going to make while there. That's where you met Charlie and his pregnant girlfriend Mimi. Two girls from the restaurant, Mario, the dude from Ireland, and... Carmen... Your fucking roommate. One that had been snarling at your boxed mac and cheese. To whose coffee you added salt because he had gotten on your nerves. But something also felt different. As if you two had finally seen one another. Stopped and properly looked. Not just glanced, but looked. And something snapped. As if all the stars finally aligned and you two just couldn't seem to pull your eyes from one another.

"What a coincidence", Carmen muttered, arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the kitchen counter when you two bumped into one another with no one else around. "Or fate", you said, giving him a flashy smile. He had laughed at that, "Feels like fate to you?" You only shrugged your shoulders and said, "Feels like something much bigger", and it was. Because not even a week later, you two were going on your first proper date.

"So, you three are friends?", Sydney asked eagerly, pulling you after the deep thought. "They were never really friends. Too competitive in the kitchen", you muttered. "We had a couple of dinners together, but... I think Carmen was glad when Luca moved to Copenhagen". Sydney was without a doubt about to ask another question when Marcus carefully lowered the plate full of baked goods onto the table. You caught a glimpse of Luca wiping his hands with a towel before mouthing, "Thank you", he only winked your way before he too stepped closer to the table. Listening to Marcus talk about everything that Luca had taught him just now.

"Tell me about your week?", the room was too light for Carmen's liking, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. The first drops of sweat covered his forehead. "Bad", he said bluntly. "Would you like to tell me more?", Carmen cringed at her tone. The way she kept tapping her pen onto her notebook. He frowned. "I lost her again,", he admitted. Sure, this was supposed to be a safe space, but he felt so trapped here. The tiny room. The way it was filled with motivational quotes, "She came back, and I... I said everything that I didn't mean to say", he admitted, and the woman instantly asked, "Why?", "Because I'm an idiot", Carmen blurred. "I also think that... I think that... I", he suddenly felt like there was not enough air in the room, "I should let her go. Stop trying to hold onto her; she deserves someone better".

You weren't sure how many cigarettes you smoked. The uneasy feeling didn't budge. Just now, your head was pounding. Shiver after shiver ran down your back. Chicago felt different. Simple because you knew that Carmen was here. You could easily bump into him. He could come to find you. You could do the same. Thirty minutes. That's all it would take, and you would come face-to-face with Carmen. Then it will not be much longer to your appointment. The place that now felt like a fever dream to you. Had he thrown away your stuff? Your paintings? Books? Clothes? You left practically all of your life there.

Were you upset? Yes. Very much so. And it still hurt, and you were sure it would for some time. But you couldn't. It was driving you crazy. Because now you looked at Luca, and you saw Carmy. In the smallest things he did. Things that Carmy too did or said, you missed him. Missed just knowing that he was coming home, no matter how late it was. Not to mention that you were so fucking worried. Because Carmen didn't look like himself. His dull, lost eyes were hunting you now. The way he clung to you. You were starting to wonder what was driving you more insane. The fact that you were so hurt by him or the fact that you missed him so much. You quickly picked up your phone. "Just thinking about Ossobuco", you typed out. Cursing because it felt stupid, and maybe you didn't even mean it, but... "Haven't stopped thinking about it", the message came through not even a minute later. You bit your lip. Trying to keep your emotions at bay. "I'm so sorry, baby", the next one read, and you quickly locked your phone, tossing it onto the sofa. You couldn't. Suddenly, you couldn't watch him fall apart over a text.

Carmy was late. Not like he wasn't late most of the time to those meetings. He doesn't talk much now. Only when there were too many things on his mind. He liked this way more than those private meetings he was having. He heard, and he felt heard. Understood. It helped him listen to others, or it drowned out the pain he was feeling. He sure could have stopped coming. Maybe he even should have, but he found himself pushing the door open every week.

Pulling the hat off his head, Carmen sank into one of the back seats. Brushing his hair away from his face. "We have new faces here today", the lady moderating the meetings said, "Why don't we start with them? Let them share their stories. Of course if that's okay". Carmy fidgeted with his coat, still feeling that same uncomfortable feeling here. That dread. That feeling of Mikey here. That feeling of him watching.

"Ah, hey", Carmy lifted his head so quickly that his vision blurred for a split second. There was no way. Absolutely no way. He gripped the seat in front of him, leaning forward. His heart was beating so fast that he could hear the blood rushing through his veins. "My name is Y/N, and I am...", you swallowed thickly, and Carmen felt bile rising in his throat, "My first ex was an abusive addict".

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Taglist: @globetrotter28 @fairytale07 @carma-fanficaddict @selltohell @nishinoyahhh @thewulf @shewasthelimit @chatitajens @azxulaa @hidingfromtex @randomhoex @hopplessdreamer @lostinheavensworld @jackierose902109 @gallaghrh @gabbycoady13 3 @harrysmatcha @lady-bellyn @lovejoyenjoyer @infinitelycharmed23 @royalestrellas @hanula18 @thoughtfulmoonchild911 @buckys-winter-child @arieltwvdtohamflash @simsiddy @yezzyyae @hidingfromtex @toptierbunny @rooster-bradshaws @simonsaysyasss @hannahmmarie2016 @ladygrey03 @kyushii

#carmy x reader #carmy berzatto imagine #carmy the bear #carmy x oc #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto x you #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto imagine #carmen berzatto x reader #the bear imagine #the bear x reader #the bear x you #the bear tv show

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jazziejax · 10 months

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Some of you guys didn’t care about platonic relationships between men and woman until Syd and Carmy. And I wonder why?

Who’s gonna tell the white people that they’re starting to sound like the homophobes when people ship two males?

#the bear #syd x carmy #carmy smut #carmy x you #carmy x sydney #carmy x reader #carmy the bear #carmy x oc #carmy x claire #carmy berzatto #carmy x black reader #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #carmenberzatto #jeremy allen white #the bear fx #jazziejaxspeaks

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girly-blogging · 1 year

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love how every fanfic on tumblr paints carmy as the greatest pussy eater of all time even though it’s canon that has never had a girlfriend

#the bear #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #carmy the bear #carmy fluff #carmy x reader #carmy x oc #jeremy allen white #fanfic #reader insert #carmy smut

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verycherry1 · 2 years

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Pike Roast. {Carmen Berzatto | Final}

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

an: Highly recommend listening to "I'm In Love With You" By The 1975 while reading this final piece. I hope when reading this chapter you experience the layers of falling in love and remembering the small moments you share when finding your person. Thank you for all the love you've submitted to this series and the confidence you've given me as a writer. Enjoy your closure with Carmy.

His palm reached for you, still half asleep. Patting around multiple spots on your side of the bed, his heart sunk when he discovered you already left for work.

He didn’t want to live in his head anymore, he wanted to exist in every moment with you. It’s not something he fully registered until you both “reconciled”. Or maybe Carmen just overstepped his own boundaries at this point.

Before, Carmen would have scolded you for disturbing his sleep. Reminding you he didn’t work a 9-5 like the rest of society. That his time was precious because his day started at 3:30pm and ended when the dish pit decided to finish up on time. Now, he wished you had interrupted his routine to kiss him goodbye or ask him to make your lunch before you fled. (Carmen always criticized you for Doordashing lunch to work)

He thought to himself maybe this was a slip-up, and that he didn’t convince you enough exactly how sorry he was. Or worse, you found your attention in the backwards hat man. Even while waking up in your bed, he couldn’t tame the nagging anxiety that tugged at his thoughts. There was no note, text, or any form of communication of reassurance that things were back to normal. That you and Carmen picked up exactly where you left off.

He considered showing up to your office with roses but the thought of how fucking tacky that sounded repulsed him. He knew he wanted to ask you to be his, only his. He felt so childish thinking of ways to ask you without actually having to ask. Carmen was so foreign to anything romantic, this was a new territory for him. The only way he knew how to put words in effect was through his craft, food.

Pizza. You fucking loved pizza.

He bolted out of your sheets when the idea came to him. His time was limited before you were on your way home but he knew that he could manage to whip up something. That was until he ransacked your entire kitchen for the ingredients. Nothing. Not even fucking olive oil.

Peaking over at the clock, he cursed silently when it mocked him you were off in 3 hours. That still wouldn’t be enough time to race to the store, let the dough rise, and prepare your favorite meal. He contemplated making your second favorite dish but you didn’t deserve second best. Carmen knew he was long overdue to treat you like his girlfriend. Like a real girlfriend. Label and all. (The thought of calling you his girlfriend made him chuckle for the first time)

He pushed any other alternative dishes aside, his heart raced at the idea of excitement you would have when you came home. That was more than enough for him to sprint (literally run like he was in a marathon with how much time was running out) to the nearest market to pick up the ingredients.

—

You were simple with your toppings which he mentally praised you for because the absolute diligence he was putting into the damn crust sacrificed more time than expected. (You loved the crust, he remembers the rant you went on about how criminal flatbreads and thin crust pizzas are.)

“It’s like… a second meal!” You hiccuped to him, dipping your crust in a garlic butter sauce he had whipped up for you at 2 am. He specifically remembers this night because somehow you charmed him into grabbing drinks with you after his shift. This was also the first official night he slept over when you revealed your display of coffee cup mugs from different cities you traveled to. He rolled his eyes at how ~*quirky*~ you were, teasing that at least it wasn’t a collection of shot glasses.

He placed his creation on the rack of the oven and then bolted towards your shower, praying you didn’t discard his body wash. Though, he was left disappointed when he realized you had by the time he had stepped inside and under the shower head.

That intense, heavy, feeling stalked his common sense. The idea of you throwing every trace of him away triggered his anxiety further.

What was he doing? This is stupid. He couldn’t persuade you to be his partner over a slice of pizza, not when he remembers how he treated you. Not when he knows someone could be so much more for you. His thoughts were swirling down the drain of your shower, his heart spiraling down with it.

Then the echo of your front door slamming shut startles him, dissolving his thoughts.

“Carmy?” Your voice calls out from the other side of your apartment.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He quickly reached out from the curtain to retrieve a towel, swiftly draping it around his waistline as he jumps out of the tub. For the first time, it was him opening a door on you, eyes widened seeing your figure.

“What’re you doing here?”

“It’s..my apartment? I live here.”

He closes his eyes, realizing his format was out of context with what he was actually asking. “No, I know that. But what are you doing here? You weren’t supposed to be off for another hour.”

You raise a brow at him, more so in shock, he was still here. Any other time Carmen would be under a tight schedule, telling you that he was too busy for downtime. “I took the rest of the day off, I was going to see..” you pause, finding yourself becoming somewhat distracted by the beads of water dripping from his hair down to his sculpted chest, you shake your thoughts back on track. “I was going to see if you were at the restaurant but Richie said you took the day off because you weren’t feeling well. Are you alright?”

Before he can answer you, the oven suddenly goes off at the most inconvenient time. You turn your back not even realizing it’s been on, let alone food has already been prepared for you.

“God dammit..” He whispers, gently brushing past you trying not to slip.

Completely flustered, and still soaked. He’s spewing his vomit of words to you about how he feels fine, that you weren’t supposed to be home just as of yet and how it was meant to be a surprise.

You can’t help but find yourself blushing at the sight of Carmen in a towel becoming frustrated you don’t own an oven mint. Slamming draws and cursing under his breath about how this is all going wrong, and this isn’t how it was supposed to go.

“So what’s the occasion?” You ask, watching him fling the pan onto the top of the stove with a rag.

He sucks in his cheek, embarrassed. Not only is he half naked but an absolute terrible romantic. “Doesn’t matter anymore, it’s fucking spoiled.” He grunts, hurrying back to the bathroom to hide but you’re hot on his heels.

“I think it smells delicious.” You reassure him, leaning against the doorframe.

“Yeah? Well, it’s on the house tonight, enjoy.” He tells you sarcastically, irritated he can’t find his boxers to cover up. “I’m sure your other boy toy will love it, I’ll be out of your hair shortly.” He mumbles, defeated.

With a furrowed brow, you push from off the door reaching for his arm with a gentle pitch. “Hey.. what’s going on?”

Your tender tone immediately seizes his anxiety, causing his emotions to spiral out of control. “This is why I don’t even fucking bother.” He tells you, absolutely restlessness. “I was brainstorming all afternoon on how to ask you out.”

“Ask me out?” You question, with a breathy laugh.

“Ask you to be my girlfriend.” He corrects you before continuing on his rampage of rambles not even realizing what he was saying because he’s so out of touch with reality on getting you to understand how anxious he’s been to perfect this moment.

Much like before, you hush his words by grabbing his face and pressing your lips to his. Still tense, he’s stuck momentarily. Mostly confused by your sudden urge to be so.. understanding. No matter how many mistakes Carmen made, it was a mystery to him why you were so forgiving with him. Let alone wanting to kiss him.

You release his face, finding his eyes. “Yes, chef.” You tell him.

Cocking his head, as if you hadn’t confused him enough, you can’t help but blush at his inexperience with this new territory. “Yes, chef. I will be your girlfriend”

—

It’s a memory that still sticks with you even when you finally get to flash the shiny cut rock around your left finger. How the Carmen Berzatto, Food & Wine’s Best New Chef, and owner of the successful restaurant, The Bear is capable of stressful environments but asking you to be his girlfriend. To be fair, it did gave him practice when asking you to be his fiancé 3 years later. (Kind of, we won’t mention how he dropped the ring while purposing because of how sweaty his hands were)

{Trying to practice my cursive B’s, it’s a lot harder than you think.}

C: {Wanna practice over Pike roast? Wanted your approval on the wedding menu before I sent it over to Syd.}

#carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto imagine #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto blurb #carmen berzatto smut #carmen berzatto angst #carmy x reader #carmy berzatto #the bear fx #the bear #the bear hulu #carmy #carmy x oc #carmy the bear

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slut4agoodcause · 11 months

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Easy Moments - Carmen Berzatto x reader

Warnings: Smoking, Swearing, The most gorgeous man I’ve ever met

A/n : oh my god, oh my god second season June 22. Also sorry that this is at least a two parter I’m exhausted

<3 <3 <3

It had been a long night or as both Richie and chef would say, you guys got your shit rocked. Despite how prepared you guys had been it was no match for how out of sync everyone had been and how understocked you all were. Richie was throwing a fit and fucking around in the kitchen; you were this close to cutting him end to end with a paring knife the entire night. Lucky it was over, and even if you had to deal with it tomorrow you could leave it all behind for tomorrow. Really fucking early tomorrow, but tomorrow nonetheless. You shoved the apron in your locker and collected the rest of your things. You could feel the grease and sweat sticking to every inch of you. The fans only solidified the sweat making the layer of sweat thicker and feel even more suffocating.

“Chef.”

Fuck god dammit what now- you mentally whined praying that maybe you had left a pen behind or some dumb miscellaneous nonsense. Something that still let you go home within the next hour.

“Yes, Chef?” You put your attention towards him, the fluorescents allowed you to get a good look at his features. The way his jaw curved and the bump of his nose, your eyes lingering on the notch in his cheek from what you assumed was some accident that he never spoke of.

"Are you going home?" His voice seemed thick but still scratchy, eyes puffy most likely from exhaustion.

"Yeah - I mean yes, chef. As long as you don't need me here?"

He paused, his lips tugging into a sort of tired attempt to smile before answering, "No chef, thank you, have a good night."

You nodded before collecting your stuff from your locker and stepping out into the cold, you stood outside the shop shuffling your feet a bit before digging out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. You heard the hiss of the flames as the paper burned, taking a deep breath you let the smoke sit in your lungs for a moment. Chicago was cold, all the time, constantly. Which usually you hated, it made you feel like you were drowning somewhere but tonight you didn't mind, it felt good to be in this kind of cold.

"Can I have a light?"

You let your head lull over to see Carmen once again, somehow trapped in the halo of light from the city.

You flicked the lighter just under his cigarette, watching as the flame illuminated his lips and the short timid stubble that framed his face.

Every inch of you was sore and beyond exhausted but something about how easy this moment felt kept you here. Honestly, that's why you stayed at The Beef, because despite the snappy annoying, and quite horribly frustrating moments there were enough easy ones to keep you steady.

Neither of you spoke, the air felt heavy but not the crushing heavy just the kind that kept you both mute. Your phone buzzed and you scanned the pile of notifications to see the most recent message :

Hey I can’t pick you up tonight, flight was delayed. I'll see you tomorrow, sorry.

“Motherfucker.”

Carmy turned towards you ever so slightly, brows raised, lips toying with the butt of the cigarette, “something wrong?”

You shook your head, “no it’s nothing, my ride canceled on me.”

“Oh.” His head leaned against the glass window, “How do you plan on getting home then?”

You sighed out the last nicotine-soaked breath before stunning out the cigarette with your toe, and frantically searching for train routes that ran nearest to your apartment.

“The trains still run at this hour right chef?”

He glanced over at you at the sound of ‘chef’, “some do but I wouldn’t recommend it, late trains are full of drunks and creeps.”

You continued a string of curses as you checked the time , it was 2:22 and you’d have to be back by 5 anyways, it didn’t matter if you got home right this instant there was no way in hell you were gonna get close to enough sleep.

You stood there slightly paralyzed by both exhaustion and frustration, honestly if you had known this is what you were signing up for in culinary school you might never applied.

“Chef?”

Carmen had just finished his cigarette, smushing what was left into the ground. He looked up at you, in an almost slow and methodical way, “yes chef?”

“Could I sleep here, in The Beef tonight? Not even in your office just like in one of the booths or something?”

His eyebrows creased as he thought, eyes still all-encompassingly focused on you. “How far away is your apartment?”

Your brain practically melted at his words, your mind already thinking of every possible outcome to a thousand possible ways you could go about answering his question. You didn't want to make a big deal of it but you had always been skittish of people being at your place and your boss was no exception.

“About twenty minutes away chef, why?”

He thought for a second before speaking, “ theres a train that should run somewhere by your place, and I would prefer just making sure you get home safely instead of letting you sleep in one of those grimey booths.”

“You really don't have to, I think I have some mace in my bag, I can handle some drunk creeps.”

“Mace would fill the whole train up if you were to spray even the smallest amount which would rock everyone’s shit.”

You toyed with your lips a bit while you thought, it would only be twenty minutes, and then you would see each other tomorrow and it would be normal. Carmen didn't seem like the kinda guy to intrude or invite himself in. It would be okay if he watched over you, just for tonight.

#jeremy allen white #carmen berzatto smut #carmen “carmy” berzatto #the bear #the bear fanfiction #the bear fx #the bear fic #the bear season 2 #the bear series #carmy smut #carmy the bear #carmy x reader #carmy x oc #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto x you #Carmen Berzatto

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aphroditesbaby1616 · 2 months

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The Bear & His Honey Chapter 6

Inspo: Lyrics - "Willow" (TS) "I'm begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans." Summary: (18+ ONLY FIC NO MINORS BEYOND THIS POINT) Winnie & Carmy have a late night phone conversation, Winnie contemplates her new situation with her closest friend, Winnie attends family night, Impresses Richies daughter with some Disney Princess behavior, Winnie admits she's learned more about Carmen then she's let on, Carmen and Winnie plan a night in together. W/C: 11K+ Posted: 02/16/24 A/N: Helloooo!!! It's here!! It's here!! Our first long juicy chapter!! I have realized with the pacing I've set, that the first of the smutty smut will happen *the next* chapter, sorry for the lead-on :( - but I promise it will be sooooo filthy and delish since I've made you wait for so long!!! Warnings for BTC: Heavy kissing, Swearing, Some fluff, some angst, thats pretty much it- smoking cigarettes? I guess.. and social drinking.

➜°✶ 🎀 𝒞𝒽𝑒𝒸𝓀 ♡𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝓎 𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉❣ 🎀 ✶°

➜ 𝓒𝓪𝓽𝓬𝓱 𝓾𝓹 𝓸𝓷 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓕𝓲𝓿𝓮

✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀✿❀

Carm’s P.O.V -

As soon as she left I leaned against the door for a moment, rubbing my face and sighing deeply.

What the fuck has been going on with me the last couple of days. What is my fucking fixation with her?

I grab the tray of dishes and open the door, looking at the time “Hey - you know your new toy thinks I’m a fuckin’ Berzatto” Richie laughs and I roll my eyes. “Very fuckin’ funny” I put the dishes in the sink. “I’ll be sure to fuckin’ straighten that shit out with her asap” I sigh deeply, looking over the kitchen and observing where everyone was in their prep for dinner.

“Chef” Syd says and I look over to her “Yo’ what's goin’ on” I clear my throat, hoping she’d forgotten about earlier. “I um- I just wanted to say sorry, ya know for - interrupting, whatever that-” I shake my head. “Nope, all good, all good. My fault I uh- sorry. It’s my bad, it won't happen again, work is more important.” she nods.

“I was coming to um tell you - When I - anyway I was looking over the liquor order for tomorrow and I realized we really underordered, and I can't figure out where the math went wrong, and- “

“Syd” I sigh deeply, rubbing my chin. “Don’t worry, ok?” I said and took the clipboard from her. “Just go, go take a break- ok?” I said and she nodded slowly. “Are you… feeling alright?” she asked and I looked at her. “What?” I asked. “I don’t think you’ve ever asked me to take a break, I don’t think you’ve asked anyone to take a break. “ I shrugged.

“Dunno, I just took one, a long break, maybe I’m fuckin refreshed. Go chef, go eat.” I said and made my way down the line. “Jeff” Tina said and smiled at me. “Yes, chef?” I raise my eyebrow. “So you’re not gonna mention the cute little thing that's pokin’ around here past 2 days? Who’s that you finally over your other girlfriend?” she asked and I swallowed thickly.

“Chef,” I said sternly. “Not talkin’ about my personal life right now, where are you with your vegetable prep?” I asked, she rolled her eyes a bit. “Soo sensitive Jeff” She uncovered the 2 bowls in front of her already done. “Good. How did you see her anyway, we’ve been in my office…” I said curiously.

She smirked, “I have my ways, she’s cute, short, didn’t know you liked the small ones” she teased and I smiled a bit at the thought of her, “Tina, back to work and no more talk about who I bring around on my breaks, heard?” I ask. “Yes Jeff, loud and clear” she retorts.

By the time the clock had hit 10:50, we were all cleaning, and Richie and Fak of course were shooting the shit as they cleaned their stations. “Dude so tell us about this Winnie the Pooh character man,” Fak says as he scrubs down the blacktop. “Firstly, don't fuckin’ call her that, secondly, none of your business- she's not a character, just a… a friend” I shrugged.

“Hey Fak, do we nail?” Richie says and I glare at him. “We do not nail, have never, but you are totally nailing that chick, or want to.” I clench my jaw. “Cousin, why do you have the fattest loudest fuckin mouth in the entire kitchen?” I questioned. He shrugs, “Dude, it should call for celebration if you’re finally getting laid!!” I roll my eyes annoyed, “Shut the fuck up, just shut up about it dude you’re both pissin’ me off” I continued scrubbing down the sink.

“Leave Jeff alone he can fall in love if he wants to love is beautiful Jeff I'm glad you're giving it another try after Claire that was so messy” Tina piped in and I groaned, “Tinaaa!! Stop! No can we all stop I have met this girl because she works across the fuckin street, she helped me with the menu because -” I try to come up with a reason that sounded better than ‘she reads’ when there are multiple members of the staff that read for fun.

“Becauseee… she's cute?” Richie said and I threw my wet sponge at him. “Off my fucking back! All of you! “ I huffed and rinsed out the now sparkling sink. “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you take a lunch break, Jeff, sorry! Thats last I’ll say” Tina teases with a smile. “ We aren’t in love but you know what I do love? Fucking sleeping! Can I get a clean fucking kitchen so we can all leave?” I ask and am hit with a chorus of “Yes Chef”.

By the time everything was said and done it was 12:40, Satisfied with the fact that I was off earlier than usual I got changed and made the short walk back to my apartment, I couldn’t help but glance at Winnie's apartment at the end of the street as I headed inside, all I’d been thinking about since she’d left was hearing her voice again, because even though the sour candy had helped, I felt like it had just pushed it further down, allowing me to hold it back for a more convenient time.

I got in, taking a shower before crawling into bed for once. I took a deep breath, looking at my phone, not having realized Winnie had texted 4 hours ago now. I clicked on it and it opened,

Sorry.. I just keep thinking about what happened earlier. Idk why I feel weird.

I bit my lip, my mind darting between all the things she could possibly mean, was it the episode? Fuck I knew I didn’t let anyone see for a reason, but she seemed- like she would understand maybe? But why would I think that, I just met her, I don’t even trust Sugar like that. What if she was… rejecting me? I swallowed crossedly, and before I could realize what I was doing I had clicked on her contact and clicked call.

I panic, not sure whether to just hang up and after just 3 rings I hear a sleepy “Carmy?” and my heart tightens. “Uh. Yeah- sorry, hey” I said smacking my palm to my forehead lightly idiot. “Hey” I heard her yawn. “How was work?” she asks softly. “It was..work. What do you mean about - why do you feel weird?” I asked and the line got silent for a moment, all I could hear on the other end is what sounded like rain.

“Are you….sleeping in the shower?” I asked and she giggles. “Oh my god, so silly. It’s fuckin’ rain noise, a noise machine, it helps me sleep.” she said and I snort. “Oh thats…cute. But- yeah why d’you feel… weird?” I asked again and she sighs softly, getting quiet again.

“I…don’t want to scare you away” she said finally and I furrow my brows in confusion, turning onto my side. “You couldn’t do that, Winnie, what’s wrong, talk to me” She takes a deep breath. “You know how… how you said you don't like being attached to anyone?” she asks quietly. I swallowed thickly, “Mmhmm” I hummed. “I get too attached, to people… and… I don’t think we’d be good for each other, now that you’ve told me,” she said sadly, and I felt my heart ache, my stomach turning with anxiety.

“You won’t get attached to me though, if you meant what you said” I counter, looking at the shadow of the passing cars on the wall. “But I will, and - when you never want me I’ll hate myself.” she said quietly. “No. You’ll see who I am soon enough, and you’ll realize that it’s for the best that I’m not anyones boyfriend.” I said and rolled on my back, looking up at the ceiling.

“It’s not about being my boyfriend! I don’t care” she huffed “Then what, Winnie?” I cross my arm over my chest “The day will come, that you meet a girl- and you do want her to be your girlfriend, and I’m going to be so attached to whatever we have, that it will break me for you to be with someone else.” she said softly. I chuckled a bit, “Winnie, I don't date. Ever” I replied,

“How do you mean?” She asked, and I sighed softly. “I - I’ve never had a girlfriend, there was this girl I thought I wanted, her name was Claire, a-and I fucked it up with her last year, Really, really bad. She grew up with us, but she… I couldn’t - move. With her, you know?” I said. “She wasn’t letting you grow?” she asked softly, and I sighed in relief. “Thank you, exactly, yes.” I rub my jaw slightly.

“But I did some really fucked up shit, and strung her along, and I fucked up at work a-and I can’t again, Winnie. I can’t “ I sighed, biting the inside of my cheek and cursing myself internally when it starts to bleed again. “I dunno.. Carm. I have abandonment issues” she said quietly and I snort. “You and me both” I said and sighed softly. “But… I -” I sigh deeply “Nevermind” I shook my head. “I’m sorry..f’waking you” I said.

“No” She replied “You did, because you wanted to, and you said you liked getting to know me..right?” she questioned. “Of course I do.. but - I don’t like answering questions as much as I like asking them to you…” I look over the bruised part of my arm that she had tended to last night and I hear her giggle. The sound sends butterflies through my stomach, and my chest lightened just a bit.

“Fine, question, for a question then, I’ll let you ask first” she mused and I smiled a bit. “So..you had alot of boyfriends growing up?” I asked, a bit nervous about the answer. I was not the most experienced in bed, I did Tinder in New York and had some god-awful experiences, but I was always willing to try things that were brought up, as long as they did the asking, I’d never share my internal desires with a hookup especially.

“Nope” she said popping the ‘p’ “My turn now?” she asked and I chuckled “No way! Hell no, if those are your answers I don’t wanna play” I said and she sighed, “Ok, ok, thought I’d give it a try…lets see, i’ve had 4 boyfriends total, 2 were in high school, so not sure if you can count those. One was more of a fling in college, and then my longest was my worst, learned my lesson about..older men.” she finished and I raised my eyebrows, “How much older?”

She tisked “Hold it, it's my turn now” she said and I huffed. “Fine, what’s your question” I asked “And you better give me a solid answer like I gave you” she said and I snort “Yes ma’am, c’mon, ask away.” I said. “What did you do to Claire?” she asks and my blood runs cold, my stomach turning to lead and I swallow thickly.

“Uhhh” I said, trying to come up with an answer that sounded as least prick like as I possibly could. As if she could read my thoughts, she said “Pure, honesty, Carm. All of you. Remember?” I bit down on my lip. “Yeah I…kinda- I don’t- don’t take this the wrong way, I don’t want her anymore, just…” I lick my lips trying to find the words. “I’m…guilty” I said “I-I feel, guilty, for what I did, and it was because she…she wanted to be with me, and I-I saw her, as like a…jumping off point, and I never intended her to want me how she wanted me, and I” I take a deep breath, feeling that burning anxiety in my chest.

“So..you lied to her about how you felt?” she asked and I sighed, “Yes, horribly, fully lied. Winnie, and it’s so so bad… when we first opened last year, we had the first family, I was so-” I swallow hard, “Distracted, with trying to get myself to like her… that I fucked up, and didn’t call the fridge guy, and I locked myself in the walk-in, a-and” I shake my head, “And?” she said softly.

��I thought I was talking to Tina, one of my sophomore chefs- about how I felt, and I was honest, because shes Tina, and I told her that I- I didn’t want her, and I never did, and she was right fucking there.” I sighed deeply and she was silent for a moment. “Do- do you- Really want me to come to family, or do you want to prove to yourself that you have it in you to hide your feelings well enough again until you decide what you really want?” she asked, her voice just above a whisper.

I swallow, my chest tightening at what I was about to do but I didn’t want to answer that because I wasn’t sure how, “It’s my turn now.” I said and bit my lip. “N-no- you can ask two- answer, Carmen” she said her voice trembling and my stomach drops. “I don’t know Winnie, I- I don’t want to hide from you, i’ve never- I-I never did this with Claire, talked to her.” I said and sit up a bit.

“Ask me your two” she said, her tone different then before. “No- no just one…” I said “H-how…why do you think our souls know eachother?” I asked, not even knowing where it came from before it came out. She quiets for a moment, before saying “I dunno… a feeling, like- why can we talk like this right now?” she asked and I think on it for a moment. “Not sure” i reply.

“Why did you say you won’t talk to me every day, but we’ve been in such close contact the last 3 days?” she asked softly, I rubbed my chin in contemplation. “Because when I inevitably fuck up and piss you off, I’m not the guy that's gonna run to you and bring you flowers- a-and beg for your forgiveness because I won’t deserve it, so I’ll run and hide, and i’ll only ever try to get you to forgive me if you tell me you - like.. Want me in your life still” I sighed.

“Well.. I won’t beg for your apology but i’ll ask you if you’re sorry if you hurt me” she replied, and I found myself smiling lightly. “You always know what t’say” I look at the clock on my phone, 27 minutes already.

I heard her yawn, “Hey, I think you’re right Winnie, about- the soul thing..I was gonna let you go but just one more thing” I look at the flower on my arm. “I realized… that- you make me feel the same peace..that Mikey did, because…because - it’s so stupid, but when you poked my arm yesterday? You- you poked the flower that I got, for him. And I had one of those- attacks, before you got there…and after you were there- I realized, that… that Mikey used to help me outta those when I was little.” I admitted, the words spilling out like word vomit. It could be deliriousness from not getting much sleep the past few days and all the stress at work.

“Mmm…see?” she mumbles sleepily “Thats how you know, that poke was Mikey tellin’ you,” she said softly. “Ye’...I dont usually think about shit like that but uh…I dunno- I wanted to tell you, thank you for being there for me by the way.” I said and she let out a sleepy “mmhm”

“Alright, sorry again f’wakin’ you, I’ll see ya’ tomorrow ok? 4?” I asked.

“4, Night Carmy” she said softly. “Night, Winnie” I said and hung up.

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

Winnie’s P.O.V -

I woke up to the sound of my usual 7 am alarm. I rubbed my eyes groggily, grabbing it and hitting the ‘stop’ button. Did I dream that Carmen called me last night and opened up to me? I hit my call log, to see a 29:28 conversation with none other, then Carmen. I bit my lip gently,

You always know what t’say

His voice echos in my mind. I sit up in bed, rubbing Sephys silky soft fur absentmindedly as I think. I sat there for a few minutes going over the parts of the conversation I could remember through my sleepiness, and before I knew it I was opening up my messages and clicking on his name.

GM, excited to be wined&dined tn, Chef. See ya @ 4

I got up, getting my day started. I took my pills, showered, brushed my teeth, and put on some comfortable black yoga pants and a way oversized ‘Chiefs Kingdom’ hoodie, slicking my hair into a claw clip. I fed Persephone per usual, making myself some coffee.

I was leaned at my kitchen island, watching tik toks while I sip my coffee, when my phone buzzed. My mind meets Carm’s notification at the top.

Morn - since ik you’ve never had Caviar, I think tn will be alot of firsts for you.

I bit my lip, of course he meant ingredients, like fancy shit- he can tell I have an unexpirienced pallate. But… I couldn’t help but go to the more dirty firsts that I could be having. Getting fucked in a walk in freezer? Maybe…rough office sex? I shake my head, smirking at my own filthy ideas. But I still love to tease, and I can do that by leaving more to his imagination.

We can only pop so many cherrys in one night before I get worn out, Chef.

I smirked at the little delivered under the message, clicking back on to my tiktok live of this fabulous farmer who was always dancing with his animals. I finished off my coffee, grabbing my purse and taking my headphones putting them on. I just wanted to drown in music on this walk, to silence my thoughts.

“Love you honey!” I called to sephy as I walk out the door. I bounce down the stairs, opening the door and taking a deep breath of the crisp march air. Spring was finally starting to bloom. I smiled, seeing my next door neighbor, Ms.Mendoza waiting for her little weenie dog to do potty in the patch of grass.

I took off my headphones for a moment, “Good Morning Miss Mendoza, How are you?” I chirp and she smiles upon seeing me, her tan wrinkled skin crinking up at the corners of her eyes in a smile. “Good Morning my Sunshine, I am well thank you so much for bringing his dog food up, honey” she said and I pull her in to a hug, kissing her cheek. “Any time! I love this little guy and he’s gotta eat, right Kidlat?” I squat next to the little black dog and pet his head. He jumps on my legs making me giggle as he licks my hands.

“Oh, Sunshine- I hate to ask you, but I need some more detergent, do you think you can get some for me?” she asked and I look up at her, nodding with a smile. “Course! I’ll be home early today, in a few hours actually. I’ll swing by the store on the way home” I stood up and she cupped my cheek. “You are such a good girl, Mahal” she said, causing me to smile.

“And you are such a wonderful lady, Miss Mendoza, I’ll see you ok?” I said and gave her a quick hug before heading off. It wasn’t likely that she saw Carm and I with her bad vision in the dark, for that which I was thankful, because she hasn’t stopped pesking me about a boyfriend whenever I help her clean her apartment in the places she cant get down on her hands and knees anymore. And considering where Carmen stands on the word boyfriend - It would make me crazy to dodge all her questions with him on my mind.

I hum along to my music as I continued down, mumbling the lyrics to myself. I finally get to the store, opening the door since my coworker, Sadie was already here. “Hey Pooh!” she said and I smiled. “SadieBug!” I said happily taking my headphones off. “How was Cape Cod?” I asked and she smiled. “Really great! I love seeing my grandparents, they’re awesome” she said. Sadie’s smile was so pretty. “You’re gonna have to show me pictures” I said, putting my purse down in my usual spot behind the counter.

“Totally, what’s been goin’ on with you? Alot change here in 3 weeks?” she joked. She’d usually expect nothing of an answer, especially because she was my only friend, we work together, and the only time I didn’t see her was on our days off which was 2 a week. “Uh.. not- particularly” I said the end sounding a bit like a question.

“Okay, so tea? What’s goin’ on?” She asked and it brings a small smile to my lips. I feel so relieved. I completely forgot that Sadie was coming home this week, and would be starting back with me today. My ADHD makes it to where if I don’t see or hear from someone even someone I love as dearly as SadieBug they completely skip my mind.

I silently thank myself for not calling her the other night at 2 am when I got back from my date with Carm, she hates being woken up. “So. Ok so on break on Tuesday I saw this hot guy smoking and so I talked to him and - he invited me in to his restaurant, you know, The Bear -“ She cuts me off.

“The restaurant - that Sydney works at?” She asks and my eyebrows raise, jaw dropping and I smack my hand over my mouth. “Oh my god” I mumble into my hand, eyes wide. Sydney. That was where I’d seen that girl. She’s Sadie’s fucking cousin. “Who - who.” She asks.

“C-Carmen Berzatto” I said and she slaps her hand over her mouth. “Noooo” I whine “nooo- no. Sadie! Sadieee. What? What?!” I ask desperately. “Syd totally had a crush on him- do you remember last year when she was telling us about her super hot boss that she had a thing for but he was dating this girl he knew from childhood?” She questions and I run my hands through my hair in stress.

“Oh- oh my god! Is she- she’s gonna hate me. I-“ my heart sinks to my stomach, my coffee suddenly wanting to make a reappearance. “She- I mean. Is dating…I guess” Sadie said and I groan. “DATING?! So? So one of my only friends- granted she works so much we’ve only hung out twice with you there but…but- nonetheless!! She had a crush on the only guy that I’ve like- MADE OUT WITH since moving here?” I looked around terrified, thanking the lord the store was empty besides us.

Sadie starts to giggle “wait- wait…ok no forget Syd, you made out with the owner of The Bear ?! The guys loaded Pooh!!!” She said and I feel my cheeks heat. “I don’t- yes! We did. And I don’t care about his money.” I said and shook my head, walking over to relock the door since we were taking inventory today. “Okkayyyy but still. Is he..any good? Sydney wanted a piece of that Italian hunk sooo bad” she jokes and I snort.

“He would die being called an Italian Hunk. But…yes. Very good. Can you believe he’s shy - like- he’s never had a real girlfriend” I said and she raised her eyebrows. “Mmmm- first red flag, noted and saved in my mental flag folder,” she cuts open a box of books for us to stock and I roll my eyes. “He’s just…passionate about work and stuff. And he- is like. So good. So good” I said and she nods.

“Second red flag, the Carmen Berzatto folder has many do you know how many times Syd ranted to me about him and I just didn’t tell you because it was private conversations- but now since you seem to have a crush on him, I need you to be fully aware” she said and I sigh deeply. “Lay it on me then, because I’m supposed to be seeing him again tonight.” I said. She stood up from her crouched position on the floor.

“Fucking family?” She asked and my head snaps in her direction “How- fuck!” I rest my hand on my forehead. “Yeah? I’m actually family- I should be asking how you got invited!!” She said and I bit my lip. “He doesn’t- invite…people?” I asked and she laughed, sarcastically. “Dude. The last time he invited anyone it was that girl he was dating, and he aired out all of his red flag shit- and she ran in the other direction!!” She said and I felt my heart thumping in my throat.

“Claire?” I asked and her eyebrows raised “You know her too?” She asked and I shook my head, “no- no he…he told me about her..last night” I said and swallowed hard. “How many times have you seen him?” She asked “3…” I replied and she put her hands on top of her head, pacing in front of the counter.

“He's- he’s not good for you and you should stop this, Winnie,” she said and I crossed my arms. “What if he’s changed, Sadie?” I ask and she stops, putting her hands on her hips. “Sydney wouldn’t have moved on if he changed. She was waiting for him to change to tell him her feelings and he never did - that’s why she started dating Alex” she said and I bit my lip.

“He doesn’t even want anything…we’re just- we’re friends.” I said and she rolled her eyes “I’m not gonna play that game with you, Winnie. Here you go again, We’re just friendsing your way around a situationship- and then when he finally gets cold feet and runs in the other direction, who’s gonna be left heartbroken?” She asked and I sighed softly, knowing she was completely right.

“Well…I dunno Sadie. We’ll see! Right- tonight. And if he…if…if it doesn’t feel right I’ll stop it ok? I’ll- I’ll tell him I don’t want to see him anymore” I said, wanting it to be true but knowing how I felt when it was just Carmen and I. She shrugged “I know you, Pooh, and you love a man who needs fixing.” She said and I rolled my eyes.

“Okay!! Reading me at fuckin, what is it” I look at the clock “9:17!! He doesn’t- okay. He needs to fix himself and I will remove myself from the situation if he treats me poorly! Because broken people deserve love while they’re putting themselves together” I echo my therapist's words to her. She rolled her eyes. “That only works if you actually follow through and don’t give him a million chances when he hurts you and then doesn’t immediately correct the behavior,” she said.

I squat next to her, scanning each new book as I put it on the bottom row of the cart. “You’re right, and I will if he hurts me I’m out! Peace the fuck out and never look back!” I said and she smiled “okayyy..hopefully you mean that” she replied. The next few hours were filled with light pleasant conversation about her trip to the cape, how her family had been doing, and running back and forth to the stock room with stacks of books.

Our half-day went by quickly, even with no customers to fill the hour's conversation with Sadie seemed to make time pass well. I stood behind her as she locked the door to the shop and we continued our conversation about a video on tik tok she saw “And so I don’t even know how people could say that they would have done something different, if I was in her shoes I’d have punched her too!” She said and I laughed “We both would have. Fuck that bitch” I roll my eyes.

“Well. Here’s where we part.” She said and I pouted “I know…but see you in a few hours right?” I said and she nodded “Yup, I’ll save you a seat- just….if Syd is a little weird don’t - don’t take offense ok? The Carmen thing is still fresh for her and I know she’ll be happy he’s moving on it’s just…it’ll be raw that it’s with someone she knows” she said and I nodded quickly, swallowing hard.

“Course- I’d never hold it against her. And I- I hope it doesn’t…make things bad for us. I really like her.” I said and she pulled me into a hug “She’ll get over it, don’t worry, you know how we don’t respect men- we’d never let them come before our girls” she said and I giggled “100% chick. I gotta go grab detergent for Ms.Mendoza, I’ll see you there” I said and she nodded, heading the opposite way down the street.

I head the other way, going into a CVS and grabbing the tide scented pods that Ms.Mendoza liked before heading home. I put my headphones on and hum softly to myself swinging the bag next to me. I finally hauled up the 3 flights to my floor, slightly out of breath. I approached Ms.Mendozas door, knocking slightly and Kidlat starts barking. “One second” she called and I heard her shuffling over to the door.

The lock clicks and she opened it, her grey hair up in curlers “oh! Sunshine, thank you dear” she said and I handed her the bag, she stretches a $10 bill to me and I push it back towards her. “No- it’s ok, you’re always makin’ me dinner” I told her and she smiled warmly. “You need to eat better young lady” she said and pinched my cheek, causing me to smile. “Do you want to come in and have some lunch?” She asked and I shook my head.

“Sorry, I’d love to but I’ll be having a big dinner tonight, I’m going to a restaurant to meet a friend,” I said and her eyes lit up. “A boyfriend?” She asked and I blushed lightly “No- no not like that, he’s just… a nice friend,” I said softly and she nodded. “Well…the best boyfriends always start as friends, Mahal,” she said and I smiled, “that’s right Ms.Mendoza…I’ll see you,” I said and headed into my apartment.

I greet Persephone, giving her a few pebbles of treats and flicking her mouse around for her for a few minutes before heading to my closet to pick out an outfit. I bit my lip, looking over the choices. I finally settled on a little black dress, complete with fluffy cuffs and a black ribbon to tie in my hair.

I headed to the bathroom, singing and dancing along to Taylor Swift as I blew out my waist-length red hair to perfection, adding in some frizz serum to make it extra soft and silky, as well as smell like milk and honey which I loved. I used to hate my red hair, my brother and I both got bullied for it when we were younger. I’d heard every name in the book, carrot top even followed me into adulthood when I met an immature prick now and again. But since I’d grown, I’d made it my thing. I got it highlighted with blonde in the winter to match how it looks in the summer naturally, and in the summer those pieces get even brighter giving me a sunkissed look.

I look at the clock, 3:04 doing ok on time. I heard my phone buzz and the little ‘pop’ notification sounding over my speaker. I pick it up, clicking on the text from Carmen.

Don’t worry, one thing I am good at is delayed gratification - wouldn’t want to overwhelm you on your first time ;)

My stomach flutters in excitement, my core twitching and growing hot with arousal. Fuck. I swallow thickly.

Leaving in 30!

Was all I sent back and locked my phone. I did light face makeup, like usual letting my freckles that spotted my cheeks and nose shine through, and added highlight to the high points of my face. I did a sharp dramatic wing, and put on some whispy lashes. Completely transforming myself, from a doe eyed sweetheart- into a sultry Jessica Rabbit. I put on my Haus red liquid lipstick after putting on a deep maroon liner, knowing that once it dried it wouldn’t be moving no matter what direction this night took me until I wanted it gone.

I went in to the bedroom, putting on a lacy red thong and push-up bra set, adjusting my chest to look full and robust before carefully slipping on my sparkly black nylons. I put on my dress, zipping up the side and smoothing it out, I went over to the mirror, taken aback by myself. I look stunning. It wasn’t often that I allowed myself to go all out, I didn’t like the attention it brought since I was more of a casual person. But this. I understand what people mean when they say you feel sexy.

I put on my favorite perfume, one that I saved for extra special occasions. It was a French perfume that my grandmother bought me when I was 15, I couldn’t pronounce the name- all I knew was that my last spray I’d use on my wedding day, and I’d only use it when I really needed confidence any day before then. I spray on my pulse points, letting it dry down before gently inhaling the smell of honeycomb, dark rum, vanilla, and sandalwood. It was the best smell in the world to me, I love this perfume.

I switched over all of my contents to a small black leather night bag I had, going and grabbing my phone off the charger. I slipped on some black stiletto heels, buckling around the ankle and I headed out to the kitchen where Persephone was lounging on the couch.

“Hi missy” I said and she meowed, getting up and stretching before walking over to me. I crouched down, petting her. “Dinner time early tonight,” I said softly and she darted into the kitchen causing me to giggle. I go in, putting her food in to the bowl and setting it down for her petting her back. “Be home soon yeah?” I said softly and check the time on my phone. 3:48. I stood up, giving myself one more look in the hall mirror.

Knock ‘em dead, Win’

I heard Christopher’s voice in my mind and I smiled, adjusting my hair. “Knock ‘em dead…” I whisper to myself before heading out the door.

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

I got to the front door of The Bear and knocked gently, Richie looks over and smiles, coming and unlocking it. “Hey you! You look snappy huh? Nice dress!” He said and I smiled big. “Why thank you, you look very handsome, Richie” I said and gave him a quick hug as I head through the door. “Thanks! Clean up pretty good don’t I?” He jokes and I giggle “very, where’s little chef boy?” I asked and he snorts “back in his office, fucker came in extra early this morning we’re running 2 hours ahead of schedule for once” he said and a little girl comes racing from the kitchen.

“Daaaddyyy look at this!!” She squeals and he picks her up admiring he picture she was proudly holding. “Look at that munchkin!! Is that you and Cousin Carmy in the kitchen?” He asks and she nods “making pancakes!!” She said happily and I smiled warmly. “Who’s this little tatertot?” I asked and she giggled.

“My daughter! Meet Eva” he said and I smiled, holding out my hand to her. “Wonderful to meet you, Eva.” I said and she takes my hand shaking it gently “My name is Winnie” I smiled. “Winnie like Winnie the Pooh?” She asked cutely and I giggle “yes! Exactly like that!” I said and she wiggles away from Richie to get down and looks up at me.

“Are you princess Ariel?” She asked, causing me to giggle “well I wish” I crouch down to her height. “You talk like a princess” she said and I smile “wanna know a secret?” I whisper and she leans in, nodding. “When I was in school…I learned how to sing like a princess, do you want to hear?” I asked and she gasped. “Yes!! Please please!!” She begs. I nodded happily.

“Do you like Princess Ariel?” I asked and she nodded enthusiastically. “Ok..” I clear my throat, taking her hands in mine and softly started singing to her

“Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you think my collections complete? Wouldn’t you think I’m the girl, the girl who has everything? Look at this trove, treasures untold, how many wonders can one cavern hold? Lookin around here you’d think-“ I poke her belly, causing her to giggle before I continued “sure, she’s got everything! I’ve got gadgets and gizmos aplenty. I’ve got whosits and what’s its galore- you want thingamabobs? I’ve got 20! But who cares, no big deal- I want more” I finished and she claps, Richie staring at me intently.

“Well shit.” He said “daddy! That’s a bad word- will you marry her? Be her prince Eric!” Eva said and tugged his pant leg. I giggled “sorry sweetheart, I’m no real princess. But I’m happy to sing like one for you any time” I said and got up, smoothing down my dress. “She’s right you might be a princess I’ve never heard someone sing like that before” Richie said causing me to blush.

“Well, I was in theater all my life so.. yeah” I clear my throat with a shy smile. “Uh I’m gonna-“ I point to the kitchen and he nods “yeah- yeah f’sure. Sorry didn’t mean to keep you” he said and I shook my head “no! Not at all. Love a little song I don’t get to do it much anymore” I extended my hand to Eva, shaking hers gently. “It was a pleasure to meet you, young lady.” I said and she smiled. “Will you sing for us at dinner?” She asked and my cheeks went beet red “honey-“ Richie started “no- no honey she’s here to enjoy the food with us yeah?” He rubs her shoulder and she pouted.

“Someday we can sing together okay?” I told her softly and she nodded happily. I went back to the kitchen, opening the door. Surprised to see trays upon trays of food sitting under the warmers waiting to be plated, and all the staff except for Carmen was standing around the large island talking. When the door swings shut they look up at me, Sydney’s eyes widen and I swallowed thickly.

“Uh- Winnie?” She said “Syd!!” I said and smiled, hoping if I acted happy to see her she’d do the same. “What are you…oh- holy shit.” She said realizing. “You- you were” I shook my head a bit, widening my eyes hoping she got the message. “Yeah. Just..Here. For..for Carmen.” I get out awkwardly and she nodded. “It’s nice to finally meet you!” A short woman with black curly hair says. “I’m Tina” she comes over extending her hand to me.

I smiled and shook it gently “Winnie” I said softly. “Carmen’s in the office you can go on back” Sydney said flatly and I swallowed hard, nodding “thank you.” I said meekly and walked back, feeling the burning stare of their eyes on me as I headed to the office the only sound being the buzz of the lights and the click of my heels.

I should have went out back and texted him. Why on earth would I want to meet everyone on my own instead of him introducing me?!

I opened and shut his office door behind me, desperate to get their prying eyes off my back and Carmen looks up from his desk, his eyes widening a bit as he racked over me. I look at him and smile a bit, he looked so hot. His Chefs Whites were ironed to perfection, his curls were slicked back neatly and he looked a bit rested for once. “Hey” I said softly, finally breaking the silence.

“Hey…” he replied, eyes continuing to rack over my frame “you look…” he said, swallowing thickly. “Nice- r-really pretty” he said and I smiled, nodding a bit. “You look really handsome” I said and approached him, “thank you” he said softly a blush creeping in to his cheeks. “So…I met- like. Tina. She introduced herself. And - well. I know Syd.” I said and his eyes widened “you- you know Syd? How?” He asked.

“Oh- ah yeah her cousin, Sadie? She’s come for family before…she works with me” I said. He nodded a bit, eyes unable to read. “C’mere” he opened his arms and I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around him.

He rests his hands on my waist, pulling me into his lap causing me to giggle “woah! Hey I’m in a dress remember” I keep my knees together and he holds my legs for me nearly cradling me in his huge chair. “Thank you f’comin” he said and kisses my forehead sweetly. I blushed at the sweet, domestic like gesture and nod. “Course…how could I say no to some denied gratification… is that how you said it?” I said softly and my eyes flicker to his lips.

He smiled a bit “thats it” he strokes my thigh gently “these are nice” he said softly and I adjust his chain. “That always stays front and center when you’re around” he said and I look up at him with a smirk on my lips. “Gotta make sure you don’t loose anything” I whisper and he leans in a bit, stopping just above my lips.

“Am I gonna ruin this lipstick if I kiss you?” He asks softly, his breath hot on my lips. I pull him in by his collar, kissing him hard and running my tongue along the bottom of his lip. He hums and opens for me, and my tongue meets his immideately, tasting the reminence of a cigarette on his tongue. I hummed in satisfaction, nuzzling my nose against his sweetly and I feel him smile against my lips. I pull away and smiled, fluttering my eyelashes playfully.

“How’s the lipstick,Chef?” I asked and made a kissy face. “Perfect. Wow. Where’d you get that stuff?” He asked and pecked my lips for good measure. “Lady Gaga darling” I said dramatically and got up off his lap, fixing my dress. “Let’s go smoke” I took his lighter from my bra that I’d lifted from his pocket while we were kissing “robbed ya” I smirk and he chuckled.

“You are a sneak” he got up patting my bum with his hand and I squeak at the contact “you are getting too aquainted with my ass, Chef” I giggle a bit and he shrugged “you have a nice ass” he said and I rolled my eyes tugging the door open. I felt the lump in my throat as all eyes in the kitchen turn to us. He looks at the clock.

“Alright uh- appetizers let’s get em plated, I want everyone at their stations. Let’s keep up with the housekeeping tonight so we can get outta here on time yeah? We’ve been ahead a’schedule let’s keep it that way.” He tells them.

“Yes Chef” they said getting to work Sugar comes in the kitchen “Bear- oh! Hey!! Wowww you look cute!” She said with a smile. I blushed a bit. “Thank you, you look cute too” I told her. “What’sup Sugar” he looks at her.

“Oh I just wanted to say- great job tonight. Everything is like…perfect.” He nodded “thanks…” he muttered and tugged my arm gently “be proud of yourself, Bear. Really. Be proud.” She said sincerely and he nods. “Thanks, Sugar” I followed him outside and he sighed softly.

“She’s…right. You know that, right?” He took his cigarettes out, putting one between his lips and I lit it for him. “It’s not all me” he said once he exhaled. I crossed my arms over my waist “it is though, Carmen. You are the first one here and the last to leave, you are the person everyone looks to, when we walk out- it’s like sheep waiting to be told what to do next. They respect you Carmen. No one back talks you, no one asks why- they trust your decisions in there”

He takes in my words, looking down at our shoes as he smoked. “You run a beautiful business, Carmen. Really” I said honestly and rest my hand on his bicep. His cheeks heat, the bridge of his nose turning pink with blush. “Thank you” he said softly. “Really, means a lot” he said and I nodded, smiling a bit. I took a joint out of my purse, leaning in and lighting it on his cigarette before taking a drag.

“So, Chef Berzatto what do you have in store for me today?” I asked and he smirked at my words. “I wouldn’t want to ruin all the surprises” he said and I took another drag. “Fine but get me in the mood, make me wet, chef- my palate. You know.” I said in a sultry teasing tone. His mouth dropped at my words getting a giggle out of me. “You have a dirty mouth” he leans in and kissed me deeply, I hum in to the kiss, gently playing with the pendant around his neck.

“Maybe you have a dirty mind” I said when he pulled away and he shook his head with a smirk. “For an appetizer” he started and took a drag of his cigarette “Gladolia Petals, and spicy violet pearls, and grilled leek, aubergine, and mushrooms” he said smoke spilling from his lips in tendrils.

“Flowers?” I questioned and he nodded with a amused smile that I was interested. “Mmhmm, edible ones of course” he said. “Hm” I hum. “No wonder you’re so fit, eating like a king all the time” I teased, taking another drag of my joint. He laughs a bit “no- no. I don’t eat- I taste. I eat…honestly I eat like shit” he said and I furrow my eyebrows.

“You don’t have a super nice lunch like we had together every day?” I asked and he shook his head “oh- no way. I eat when I get home and it’s usually like” he snorts “a fuckin pb and j or a microwave burrito, I eat like..pure shit.” He said and I look at him puzzled. “Why?” I asked and he shrugged, taking another drag of his cigarette. “No time. Well - not worth it to have groceries im not home to use I guess.” He said and leaned against the wall.

I lean forward, squeezing his bicep “so…peanut butter and jelly diet huh?” I said and he chuckled. “Well yeah. I just….i work out when I can’t sleep so. Yeah. Guess it pays off being an insomniac” he smiled and I rest my head on the wall, taking another drag off my joint.

“You’re fascinating” I said softly. He smirks “why’s that?” He asked. “Well for starters- I did google you, considering when I looked up this place- there were all these articles about how you’re this decorated chef with alll these achievements and titles. And so I was like who is this big-shot? And I googled your name…and I filtered it by oldest- and it’s like you didn’t- exist. Before 2016. Nothing. Nothing in school, no sports, no clubs, no community service. But then in 2016, there was an article about you in your culinary school paper, how you were top of your class that semester. And then all these articles about how you just won award after award, and…. I just- how? How did you do it, Carmen? Where did you come from?” I asked finally.

He took a deep breath, “A lot of it has to do with my brother, let’s talk about it tonight ye’? I promise, promise I’ll tell you” he put out the butt of his cigarette and I dropped the end of mine crushing it. “Ok…are we- am I gonna be able to see you tonight?” I asked and he nods. “ ‘course baby don’t worry. I’m gonna bring you your food and everything yeah?” He pulls me to him, resting his hands on my bum. I nod and look up at him, “like…after-can we…hang out?” I asked.

He nodded a bit “sure- sure if you wanna. I don’t have to work tomorrow but I’m probably gonna be outta here at 11” he played with the hemp of my dress. I bit my lip, contemplating asking for a moment before I just bit the bullet.

“Come over? To mine? You can meet Persephone…” I said and he smiled a bit “didn’t know you had a pet” he said and I gasp “I never showed you?” I dig my phone out of my purse excitedly and open my phone showing him my Home Screen.

“Your eyes are just like hers” I giggle and he smiled, blushing a bit. “She’s super cute.” He said and I put my phone back in my bag. “Sure. I’ll probably need to shower first so how’s like midnight?” He asked, pulling me back to him gently. “That’s fine.” I said and leaned in, kissing him sweetly. The door opened and Richie pokes his head out. “Hey- sorry lovebirds. It’s 5:02 everyone’s gettin settled in. Winnie you might wanna go sit so you don’t miss appetizers.” I nodded “thanks” I said and look at Carm again.

“Kick ass out there, Chef” I said with a smile and head back in after Richie.

✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿ ✿

I sat down at the table with Sadie and her boyfriend, Mitch. “Hey guys” I said smiling “hey! You look cute!” She said and I smiled, looking at her lavender dress. “So do you! Love that color on you” I said and Sydney came over with a tray of drinks. “From Chef Carmen.” She said evenly, placing a cup in front of me. Spicy mint margarita with a pink umbrella, just like we had the other night. “Thank you” I said softly, putting my straw in and she sets down Sadie and Mitch’s dark blue looking drink.

“This is the house cocktail, coconut rum, vodka, and cream soda” she told them, Sadie nodded “Thanks Syd! This looks awesome” she said and Sydney nodded, smiling a bit. “I’ll be back with your appetizers in a moment.” She said and went off to the kitchen. I tried my drink, looking over at Sadie. “So…” she said softly.

“How’d it…go” she asked and I bit my lip gently. “Good…we talked, apparently we’re gonna eat flowers” I said and Mitch scrunched his nose. “Babe your cousin is in to fancy shit” he said to Sadie and she rolled her eyes “We talked about this, if you’re still hungry when we go home then we’ll stop” she said and Sydney approaches our table once again with a platter of plates.

“Gladioli’s petals with spicy violet pearls” she places a plate in front of Sadie, then Mitch, when she places a much bigger one in front of me I gasp softly. The same sauce that was in tiny dots atop the petals had been painted in to a portrait of Winnie the Pooh, ‘Winnie’ written in beautiful cursive on the side of the plate.

“Holy shit” Sadie whispered, admiring it. “Compliments of Chef Carmen, Enjoy.” Sydney went off back to the kitchen and I bit my lip to contain the smile that was forming. “Well that dude is dick-whipped” Mitch says, earning himself a kick in the shin from Sadie. “Shut it!” She hissed. “That is actually like…cute..Pooh” she smiled a bit, causing me to blush.

“Yeah…” I said in response, carefully eating around the art. “Wow” I muttered “This is weird, tastes like spicy garlic” She said and I smile. “I’ll be sure to give the chef your notes” I nod. “It kinda does though, I agree.” I hum. I slip my phone out of my purse, taking a photo of the plate and sending it to Carmen.

Here I was thinking you weren’t a romantic type, you’re a sap Berzatto!!

I smiled as I hit send, putting my phone back in my purse. I finished off my drink, and when the next round came out there was a waitress with curly brown hair bringing us the food. “Hello, I’m sure you were greeted by who invited you this evening, Here we have the second part of the appetizer, grilled leek, aubergine, and mushrooms with a cream sauce.” She puts a plate down in front of each of us.

“My name is Tara, I will be your waitress for the rest of the evening. Miss, would you like another of your cocktail?” she motioned to my drink, I nodded “Uh- sure! Yeah, thank you” I smiled and handed her my cup and she went off to the bar. Sadie scrunches her nose in a way I knew she would at the dish which makes me laugh. “Sadie!” I whisper between giggles. “Stop- we have to try it, if Syd sees our plates untouched shes gonna be so mad!” I said and she started laughing quietly but I could tell she was holding back by the little squeaks that were coming out.

“Ssssadie!!!” I cover my mouth to cover my laugh. “Stop it!” I whisper and pick up my fork, cutting a piece of it and putting it in my mouth. “Ok, it's not bad just…earthy- you’re not gonna like it” I said and she pushed her plate away. I took one more bite before deciding it wasn’t for me and pushing it aside. Bussers came to all the tables taking the empty plates and the waitress comes back with my drink.

“Thank you” I smiled, “Of course- The head chef requested he personally bring out your meals to this table, it should be out momentarily, in the meantime would you like another drink?” She asked Mitch, since Sadie had barely touched hers. “Yeah sure but um- a beer is fine, just Miller lite” he said and she nodded, taking his empty glass to the bar and coming back with the beer before returning to the kitchen.

“Oooo he’s comin’ to bring you your food - we didn’t even see him last time I was here” she said and I felt my cheeks heating “See! I told you he’s nice, and he’s gonna ask how we’re liking everything, and you better not laugh!” I give her a look although I was trying to hide a smile. She starts giggling again “Then don't look at me!!!” she said causing me to laugh and the door swings open, the waiters and waitresses all filing out to tables and Carm was at the end of the line.

I smiled at him, before breaking my gaze and looking at Sadie shooting her a don’t giggle! Look. He approaches the table “Hey you” He said softly and I smiled, “Everything is awesome, Carm” I said quietly for only us to here and he smiled “I’m glad you’re enjoying” he puts the plates down in front of us. “So we have for your main course, Roe Deer in a salt crust, crunchy Cavolo Nero, a Hazlenut pesto, and Celeriac” he said and I furrow my brows, He leans down “It’s really just deer steak, kale, pesto, and grilled celery root baby, we just say it fancy” he whispered in my ear and I smiled looking at him, my whole body covered in goosebumps by the use of the intimate name.

“Chefs, are the art bro’s of food” I said softly and he chuckled a bit. “Enjoy your meal” He told us and went back to the kitchen. “This taste like a potato” Sadie said, eating some of what I now knew was celery root. “I guess its a fancy celery root” I said and cut up my steak. I hum at the flavor, our whole table growing quiet as did most of the restaurant as we enjoy the meal. At the end of the course the buspeople came out again and collected the empty plates, before the waitresses came shortly after with the dessert.

She placed my plate down last again, this time, my chocolate cake had a heart drawn in chocolate sauce next to it, causing me to smile and blush. “He’s… like- actually in to you, Winnie” Sadie said, observing my plate. “I dunno- it’s it could be flirting” I shook my head with a smile, taking a bite of the delicious cake. “Wow… this is great” Sadie said and I nodded “mmm- absolutely…I’m gonna need Carmen to give me some of this again” I said and took out my phone, seeing he’d replied to my text.

Only with extra pretty girls who share their sour candy

I smiled at the thoughtful reminder of yesterday, quickly typing and sending a response.

Can’t wait till 12 to see you- can I pay my compliments to the Chef before I go?

I slipped my phone back in my purse, continuing to talk with Sadie and Mitch about different pop culture things and the gossip of what's going on in our lives at the moment. I nibbled on my chocolate cake, feeling fuller by the second and knowing I’d never be able to finish it.

I heard my phone buzz in my purse and put my fork down, fishing it out and looking at Carmens response

Course I just have to thank everyone for coming & everyone says their goodnights

I locked my phone again, “Sadie- Gotta go to the bathroom, comin’?” I asked and she nodded, getting up and following me back to the womens room. I pushed open the door and she followed behind me. “Ok, well I will say he’s being sweet, and way more romantic then Syd said he was with Claire” Sadie said as I touched my makeup up in the mirror. “Told you, he's changed” I touch up my face powder and she huffed, leaning against the wall.

“Or he could be in his honeymoon lovebombing stage, and wanting you to fall for him so he can go all cold” She said and I rolled my eyes. “Yes” I replied, partially annoyed, “But, he could also be into me, and showing it! Like a nice guy, like you said- he has this place, and I googled him before- you’re right. So why not…ya know” I shrugged. She sighed a bit “I guess” she opened up the stall door to use the restroom and I waited for her near the door.

“You’ve been texting him the whole time, doesn’t that say lovebombing to you?” she asked as she pulled on the toilet paper roll. “Oh- the whole time” I laugh a bit, rolling my eyes. “I texted him first, we’ve exchanged like 2 texts!” I said and she flushed, opening the stall door and coming out to wash her hands. “And I assume you’re seeing him tonight…” she raised her eyebrows.

“Yes…and?” I said and she giggled “I will say it with my chest like Ari!” I said causing us both to laugh. I opened the door to the bathroom for us and we went back to the now cleared table, sitting down. There was soft chatter throughout the restaurant and all the Chefs came out. “Alright I just wanted to thank you all for coming tonight, Means alot- and Without further do- Chef Sydney, who created the main course tonight” Carmen said and we clapped.

“Thank you all so much for coming, I hope you enjoyed the dish I worked very hard on it, and I hope to see you all next time, stay safe!” She said and we gave her a round of applause before the Chefs broke off to their respective families, to my surprise- Carmen and Sydney both came up to our table.

“How was it?” He asked and I smiled wide, so happy he was wanting to show off to people that he invited me. “So- so good, Chef Sydney- you are so amazingly talented, I’m so grateful to call you a friend” I said honestly and touched her hand. She looked at me a bit surprised and grasps my hand gently with hers, “Ye-Yeah, yeah, totally, thank you, Winnie- really” she nods.

“Ok- what the fuck was that appetizer- mushroom shit” Sadie asks Syd and I can’t contain my laughing at her usual boldness. Carmen’s jaw drops and Syd’s eyes widen, and my giggles caused Sadie to start laughing herself. “What do you mean oh my god Sadie! That is my boss” she said and I gasp in laughter, leaning in to Carm’s side.

“Don’t worry Syd, Carmen,” I look at him and his shocked expression just makes me laugh harder. I caught my breath and wrap my arm around his bicep, “Sydney and I are both sorry for Sadies outburst, shes picky” I giggled and he shook his head, chuckling a bit. “I can see why you two are friends” he said and I raise my eyebrows, “Better be a good thing Chef!” I giggle and he nods, “Course, 2 firecrackers I’m sure you two cause lots of trouble, c’mon I need a cigarette before we clean y’comin?” He wrapped his arm around my waist and I nodded “Thank you again, Syd - Sadie- see ya monday” I told her.

She gives me a look as Carm tugs me away, my purse tucked in my arm, and gives the ‘call me’ sign and I giggled, nodding and taking his hand as we slinked through the kitchen to the back alley. As soon as the door shuts, I leaned against it, pulling him by his collar into a deep kiss and he hums softly, cupping my waist with his hands and lightly squeezing. I swipe my tongue over his bottom lip and he opens for me, our tongues meeting roughly, a needy wanting kiss. His hands travel down and cup my ass, squeezing. He pulled away after a moment, lips swollen from our kiss, us both slightly out of breath.

“That was so fucking amazing Carmen, holy shit you are fucking amazing” I breathed and kiss his neck, biting gently at the skin under his jaw and he gasps softly, his hands trailing up to the small of my back, “What was- dinner? Or the kiss?” He asked, “Both” I breathe in to his neck, kissing the pulsepoint below his ear before nibbling his earlobe “Oh- okay” He said softly. “I- I wanna keep doing this with you but I have to get back inside, baby” he said lowly and I pulled away, pouting a bit. “Ok” I said, taking his lighter out of his pocket while he found his cigarettes and lighting it for him. He leans against the door and exhales in a sigh, rubbing his hand over his face.

“That actually went really fuckin’ well” He said and took another drag. I leaned on my shoulder, watching him. “I’m glad.. It was all so, so good Carm, it was delicious” I said and held his other hand, kissing the tattoo of the chefs knife gently. “Guess you’re my good luck charm yea?” he teased and I smiled, cheeks heating slightly. “No- that would be you, you’re the lucky charm” I kiss over each one of his knuckles gently.

“Could I…maybe take you up on that massage tonight? If you were serious that is.” He said and I smiled, “Of course, Would you like to make a reservation at Winnies Massage Parlor for 12 midnight?” I asked and he chuckled, “I would actually, I tip very well” He teased and I smiled, my heart picking up. “Sounds good, I’ll see you then” I said and he stomped out the butt of his cigarette.

“Thanks f’comin honey, I really mean it” He said and wrapped his strong hands around my waist. I smiled, “Of course! Carm, anytime” I said and he leaned in kissing me sweetly. When he pulled away I look up at him. “Twelve?” he asked.

“Twelve, I’ll text you my apartment number” I said and went down the step “See ya, Chef” I winked and he gave me his priceless smile as he went inside.

➜ 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒮𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃!

#the bear fic #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto fanfiction #carmen berzatto fluff #carmy berzatto #carmy berzatto fanfiction #the bear fanfiction #the bear fx #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto x oc #carmy berzatto x oc #carmen x oc #carmy x oc #the bear oc #the bear 🐻#carmen berzatto smut

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thatone-brightstar · 10 months

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Before You (Carmen Berzatto X Fem!OC)

It was Isaac before Carmy, and it was Ross before you.

Read part I.

Part II: January.

words: 3.4k

a/n: Thank you all so much for 200+ followers!!! Idk what to do in these situations but I'll celebrate by giving you more Carmy content! Slide into my dms with your prompt ideas and I'll gladly do my best to write what I can! Also: Image does not represent OC's skin type, just needed a summary pic. WARNING: Smut ahead, p in v unprotected sex (birth control is present but not mentioned), minors DNI but you'll do what you want so don't say I didn't warn you

This was not how she expected her New Year to go, dress hiked up to her hips, nails digging into his neck and shaking thighs painfully wrapped around the man continuously slamming into her. The lewd sounds he makes reverberate inside the small depot, echoing back into her dew covered skin and fueling the shivers traveling up and down her spine. Ross has always hated her name, but the way Carmy says it- blissed off his mind, crimson cheeks and pink pouty lips rounding over each syllable and followed by a breathy ’fuck’- god does he make it sound devine.

Her nails drive deeper into his reddened flesh and the pain of her grip tightens his fingers over the plush skin of her parted thighs. The flimsy fabric that barely covers her navel lets him see himself lost with each thrust, sight replaced with a gripping sensation, choking him with his own air.

There was something cathartically thrilling about their… situation. The sneaking around, the lingering stares each time she crossed to the depot and the tauntingly short uniform that made him visibly gulp. It all brewed thick inside his gut like he’d never known, the warmth of her lips weeks before had shaken the loose earth over his buried desires and there was no way he would get his fill from just the one time.

Unbeknownst to them, they had fallen into a clandestine rhythm. After closing, Ross would get in her car, drive a few blocks away and wait for Carmen in the warm comfort of the vehicle. Her pulse always quickened in anticipation around the ten minute mark, when she’d spot him in the rear view mirror, blowing smoke into the wind and hair disheveled after a hectic service. The drive to his felt longer each time, anticipation thick and pulsing in the empty space. They could never reach his place though, once she parked on the narrow alley beside his building, his fingers would wrap around the side of her jaw and her breath would be stolen by hungry tobacco scented kisses. She enjoyed the feeling of his needy hands circling her hips and pulling her over him, before his mouth attacked the frail skin of her throat.

But tonight felt different to her. The frustrations of a shitty service had Carmen on edge and he didn’t even give her a chance to leave as she popped her head into the empty kitchen to say goodbye. Instead wrapping his grip around her wrist to drag her into the small room and pinning her against a shelf with the strength of his panting chest. His usual doubtful behavior is replaced by strong and steady thrusts, ones that have the glass olive oil gallons behind her vibrating angrily. Her worry of them braking only lasts a few seconds, soon being pushed out of her mind by the constant pattern of his movements and the tightness inside her that’s beginning to burn.

“Fuck- Ross-” He moans into her neck as he speeds up his slams, breath blowing cold over the sweat on her skin.

The relentless strike of his hips on the base of her thighs paints the sensitive skin with a light shade of pink, causing a hiss from her when he readjusts his grip over the slick flesh.

“S..sorry- you good?” Carmen asks with slight concern, slowing down his movements and gulping the dryness in his mouth.

“Ye-yeah-” She reassures with a panting grin, eyes slightly glossy and mascara staining her bottom lashline. “Keep going, I like it…”

“Oh.. yeah- right okay.” Her bluntness gives him a blush that matches the underside of her thighs before resuming with a brutal blow, ripping a gasp from her lungs and making her breasts jolt with force.

Ross’ fingers tangle in the sweaty strands of his hair and pull him down to her awaiting lips, licking and nibbling over the delicate skin while his hands dent the muscle of her legs and his actions grow faster each time. With a string of groans pouring from her chest, she does her best to chase his hips with her own, striking a perfect spot each time. Her feet hook tightly at the base of his spine and this restricts his actions into shorter and faster shoves against that specific, beautiful spot that seems to split her in two.

An almost filthy cry bursts out when her orgasm shoots up from deep in her core, sparking in each nerve ending in her body and his hand flies quickly up to it to drown out the obscene sound. The remaining force in his last thrusts carries her back down into her body just in time to feel his fingers dig into her bruised skin. A throaty groan blows heavily over her collar bones before he slumps down completely with heavy inhales. She likes this part, when his shoulders lose tension and the beating of his heart doesn’t palpitate as hard against her chest.

He pulls out with a soft hiss but rather than make an effort to step away from the momentary comfort she provides, Ross feels his thumb brush gently over the red dents he produced; a clear contrast from a few minutes before. She tries to remain quiet so as to not ruin the moment he seems too caught up in, but his tender touch pulls an invisible string deep inside her and the fear of unwillingness to anything remotely close to a relationship triggers her mouth before she can stop it.

“You’re gonna leave a mark…”

“Hmm?” He pulls his head up to meet her eyes, bright pools of aquamarine absorb the little saliva left in her tongue and she swallows drily again and again.

“Your fingers…” She clears her throat. “They’re, uh, they’re gonna leave a mark.” Though that’s not really what she originally meant.

**********

“Tell me.”

“No.”

“Tell me!”

“No!” Ross groans towards her friend, trailing behind her as they both cross the entrance to the back of house.

The regularly hectic movement in the kitchen seems less so as service isn’t due for another few hours. There’s a thin layer of peace visible in the rounded backs of a few cooks as they ingest family, elbows glued to the long stainless steel tables. Ross moves to the water filter beside Frank’s station, ignorant to the glance he throws her way, but very present in Meg’s eyes as she gasps.

“Wait, was it Frankie? D’you finally cave?” Meg whispers beside her.

“Ugh, gross no. I’d rather stick hot coal in my mouth…”

“Okay, then who?”

Ross rolls her eyes once again. “I’m not telling you, alright?! So just- hop off my dick.”

“Oh c’mon, he had to be good if he left bruises like that…”

Meg leans down to inspect the lilac dents peeking ever so slightly from under the hem of her uniform. A hiss leaves Ross’ mouth and she immediately reaches down to swat her friend’s pointed finger off the darkest spot.

“All I’m sayin’ is, every artwork needs the artist’s signature.” Meg grumbles beside her.

“What artist?” The cook intervenes as he pokes around his own plate.

“Ross has a new boy toy and she won’t tell me who it is…”

She keeps her eyes trained on the slowly filling bottle, trying hard to tune out the teasing from the two idiots behind her.

“Y’know she won’t shut up ‘till you tell her, right?”

“I’m just hoping for her batteries to run out.” She assures with a flat smile, taking a sip from her bottle and leaning on the table in front of her.

“I thought you’d be more interested…” Meg teases, picking a piece of dried tomato from his plate and nibbling it through her smile.

She can see a slight tension in his jaw before he shrugs, eyes heavy on his dish. “We’ll find out eventually…” He answers under his breath, the words making Ross’ brows furrow.

“Meaning…”

Frank sighs and pushes his forearms off the table, finally looking up at her. “I mean- c’mon Ross, we know your type- plus, if it was one of these motherfuckers-” his fork drags pointing at the few cooks in the room. “-which it probably was- you know none of ‘em can keep their fuckin’ trap shut.”

If his comment struck a nerve, left it beaten and pulsing in agony, she doesn’t let it show. Instead, she rolls her eyes one more time and gulps down her water, drowning the many colorful swears with his name written on them. A prickling sensation covers her skin, the grip on her bottle going loose when she catches his persistent gaze falling heavily on her from across the kitchen. It washes over her for a few tender beats, and the water in her bottle no longer seems sufficient to cool the heat his strong stare ignites in her stomach.

Carmy doesn’t mean to stare, his eyes had just wandered, obliviously guided by the source of her vibrant voice, the private conversation not so private in the confinements of the blinding white room. A strange sensation flourished in his chest when Megan mentioned the bruises he had previously apologized ardently for and could hear Frank’s slight annoyance at them.

He doesn’t dislike Frank per se, he finds him irritating and obnoxious at times sure, but not to the point of hate. Right now however- as he appears completely entranced by her- Carmen can’t help the irritation beginning to course through him from the words he overheard. He knows they’re bullshit- the idea to expose her in such a way had no space inside his mind, Carmy isn’t like that- and with his own eyes roaming her tense features, he hopes that in the few seconds he allows himself to sneak a look, she can catch that. The unspoken assurance that she can trust him to keep whatever they have going on a secret.

“- are you even listening to me?”

Her friend’s voice demands Ross’ attention and he drags his eyes away, setting them back on the paper thin sweet potato slices gliding off the sharp edge of the mandolin.

“What- yeah, um… something about… your hair?”

“No dumbass- your psych exam, how’d it go?”

Despite his heavy attention to the task at hand, his ears can’t help but to tune back into the conversation as her sigh floats thick in the air of the kitchen.

“Failed it again… which is- fine-” She groans and reaches her hands to rub up her face in frustration. “-but that blows my second try so I only have one left or I’ll have to redo the whole course.”

Meg frowns up at her and reaches a hand to stroke over her arm. “You’ll do fine on the last one, I’ll help you study.” She offers with a kind smile. “Next one’s the good one… you’ll see.”

“Yeah… I guess'' Ross replicates her friend’s expression and takes another sip from her bottle, only half heartedly believing her.

“Yeah- we’ll both help you.” Frank adds, reaching his own hand beside Megs, a sly expression turning hers into distaste.

“Chef-” Three heads turn to the far left to see Carmen’s usual serious expression, making Frank immediately straighten his posture. “If you’re done fuckin’ around, that duck amuse in the walk in isn’t gonna confit itself-”

“Yes, Chef- sorry.”

“Thank you!”

Frank briskly picks up his half finished plate and disappears around the corner with a quick step, barely having time to throw them an irritated expression.

She feels it before seeing him. Only a wisp of white and blue flashes in her peripheral vision before he disappears behind her, the warmth of his extended digits pressing gently on her lower back and a soft ‘behind’ blowing on her exposed neck. Ross turns just in time to catch the artist’s eyes lingering on her for a sliver of a second, but it’s more than enough to spread a tingling sensation over the blossoming bruises. She doesn’t notice the change in rhythm inside her chest or the soft sigh that he pulls from her as he moves further away.

Meg’s voice is barely audible behind the thin ringing in her ears and it’s only then that Ross notices she’s been staring down the empty space of the corridor, Carmy long gone.

“What the fuck was that?”

It’d be a blatant lie to say she knew either. The way her hands had suddenly gone all clammy and her stomach had dropped to her knees with a simple touch was not characteristic of her usual hookups. The day prior’s fear resurfaces again and the erratic beating takes another definition as she swallows hard and turns to Meg with a thin lipped smile.

“That was um… the artist.”

**********

Roslyn never wanted a relationship, she didn’t need to be in one to know they were shit. All the effort it took to maintain a façade of contentment and joy just for it all to crumble down into nothing, made every cell in her body recoil in disgust. Besides, nothing ever made her believe in the fairytale and every couple she met while growing up seemed completely tired of each other's company. Why would she ever want to put herself through that most ancient form of torture? For what, just to not be alone?

Big whoop. She’d been alone most- if not all her life- and from the vast experience could confidently say it wasn’t as bad as people made it seem. Her own company was a hundred times better than some of the questionable creatures she found herself roped with.

Yet, despite all the reminders and admonitions that she ‘wasn’t made for that kind of thing’ and to ‘just leave what isn’t for you alone’, Ross could not contain the tumultuous thoughts banging heavily around her skull.

The shift had gone by quickly as she spent more than half of it in her head, finally clocking off autopilot once the crisp air brushes past her cheeks at the employee exit. The air comes with the lingering wisp of tobacco. Ross tries to disguise how accustomed she’s grown to the smell, breathing in deep and walking slowly in his direction. She throws a nod to her right, where Carmen stands leaning on a tree.

“Hey…”

“How was your shift?” He asks a bit awkwardly, pushing himself off and dragging his feet beside her.

“Fine, I think-” Ross stops abruptly.”-hey, is it alright if we like, don’t do anything tonight-”

“Oh shit- no I wasn’t here for-”

“It’s just, my head kinda hurts and-”

“Yeah, I get it- I wasn’t-”

“I also haven’t eaten so-”

“-I can make you some…thing.”

The silence is filled by tension as his words linger heavy in the air. They slipped past his mouth without contemplation and now weigh more with each second she doesn’t respond. Words turn to dust in the back of her throat- scratchy and uncomfortable- while she tries to come up with a lie on why she wouldn’t find it absolutely appealing to be cooked for.

“It’s okay, you spent the whole day cooking- you don’t have to….”

“I don’t mind it.” He’s soon to assure, keeping his eye contact despite the sharp shake of his head.

Her fingers grow sensitive at the constant assault of her nails, she huffs out a small breath of air and looks up at him. She can only hold Carmen’s strong stare for a few seconds, eyes wavering instead on the treetops above his head.

“No one’s ever really made me dinner before.” Ross delicately whispers her confession.

His offer’s dissected in her head for what feels like an eternity while he just waits in place, knuckles cracking at his sides. A slow smile finally covers her face, nodding gently to him.

“Okay…”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He offers what she has come to know is his soft smile, at least what she can see of it under the dim lighting of the street lamp. The clouds of vapor emanating from both their chests pull her from the unintentional staring contest and she makes a following motion to him with her head.

“I-um- I left the car that way.”

“Right- yeah- okay.” Carmy’s nervous stutter widens her grin.

They begin to walk the few blocks in silence, he’s concentrated on the surrounding ambience- second cigarette in hand- while she attempts to ignore the alarms she has strategically set out, all in the name of self-preservation.

‘It’s just dinner’, she repeats to herself. ‘It doesn’t mean anything’.

“Can I ask you somethin’?” He speaks out, pulling her from her head. “And you can totally tell me to fuck off-”

“Probably will, but shoot-” She adds with a light laugh, tired eyes concentrated on their path.

He contemplates his words for a second, the dim roar of tired engines penetrating their small bubble of peace.

“So you really hate your job-”

“Ooh, hate is not a strong enough word-”

“-Okay, so you loathe your job-”

“There you go…” Her humorous smile triggers his usual small one, the tiny dimple on his left cheek guest starring just briefly but she takes a short second to admire it fully.

“Why do you stay?”

Ross contemplates his question while she plays with the strap of her bag, debating between the option she’s always used to deflect any sort of question, or to undust and pop the lock on the box where her truths lay hidden.

“Well you see, I have this horrible habit where I have to eat and-”

“Oh, fuck off- I’m serious.” His laugh is brief but genuine and it shudders something deep within her- it vibrates through her ribs and changes the tempo in her chest- an earthquake came and gone.

A slight sense of panic trails behind her external joy, looming just out of sight but present still. She sighs and gulps the tightness down, turning to the empty street before them.

“I wasn’t supposed to be there this long.” Ross finally confesses loud enough so he can barely hear her. “I'm majoring in psychology…”

“So this is temporary?”

“Yeah…” She sighs again, picking at the gel polish she gets specifically to avoid the bad habit. “It’s supposed to be, but I’ve been trying to get my license and failed my exams twice. I only have one more chance before I have to retake the course all over again.”

He’s silent for a while, staring at the grimey ground and searching his head on what to say. “I was always shitty in school… but maybe I can like, try and help you study? Some say it helps explaining it to someone else.”

Carmy’s voice falls into a whisper with the last sentence and draws her gaze away from her fingers and up to his concentrated one.

The way his attention falls solely on her- eyes never straining far from her own- heightens her senses and chills her skin past the warmth of her coat. All she can muster is a thin smile, because anything bigger would trigger the lever that’s already too tight.

“So psychology?” He changes the subject.

“Yeah, the-uh- child kind.” She awaits the usual taunt that comes with her answer- the ignorant thought that ‘why would children even need a psychologist?’- but it doesn’t. When she looks in his direction, it isn’t there either and she can’t decide if what he’s giving her is worse.

“That sounds pretty cool.” He says instead.

Ross’ brows twitch up momentarily, awe visible only for a few worthy moments. “Yeah it… it is.”

And says nothing else.

‘Don’t read too much into it’ Ross repeats to herself, as many times as needed to push out the ridiculous thought of anything more than what it is- just a casual thing- out of her head, on the drive to his place.

**********

Part III.

Taglist: @pearlstiare @teteminne, @beebslebobs, @harrysmatcha, @yum-yahgurt, @pussy-f41ry, @kirakombat, @redsakura101 , @hobisunshine13 and that’s it lmao

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strawberryalicia · 1 year

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Carmy be like, and you cant convince me otherwise

#the bear #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #carmy the bear #carmy x oc #syd x carmy

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nolita-fairytale · 10 months

Text

give you my wild, give you a child | carmen 'carmy' berzatto x pregnant fem!reader oneshot

summary: your second trimester while pregnant with baby bear is way sexier than you expected.

warnings: smut, breeding kink, language, 18+ only, barely proofread.

word count: 3.7k

a/n: hi it's me with the second trimester sexapalooza smut i promised @starbritestarlite and @carmensberzattos. and with this new season, let me know if you want to be added to my carmy taglist!! i wrote this as a companion piece to the 'make my heart heart surrender' universe, specifically for the 'carmy as your baby daddy' headcanon/social media au series. anyways, i've been thoroughly enjoying season 2 and am sitting into the fact that i've created my own universe inside of their universe. god we love fanfic. anyways... this is nsfw so 18+ only.

Today 2:21 pm

Carmy “my baby daddy” Berzatto: On the way home for lunch.

You: Hurry, baby.

Carmy “my baby daddy” Berzatto: You good, sweet girl?

Your reply is almost instant, and Carmy wonders what could possibly come next as he sees the three dots appear below your message, indicating that you’re still typing.

It’s a link, his eyes widening as soon as it appears in his iMessage history with you.

You: Hottest Sex Positions For Pregnant Women | Cosmopolitan

Before he can notice that it feels ten degrees hotter in the room, that his face has turned cherry red, that his pants are beginning to feel unbearably tighter, he’s interrupted by the sound of a familiar voice.

“You good, chef?” Marcus asks, as he passes by, noticing the red tones that have risen to Carmy’s cheeks.

“Wh-, oh yeah!” Carmy answers, almost too quickly, as if he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t be doing.

Marcus shoots him a strange look, examining his boss’ face.

“Just uh… gotta go home for lunch.”

3:03 pm

“What took you so long?” you practically growl as soon as Carmy gets through the door.

He hasn’t even had a chance to close it properly before you’re on him like a moth to a flame. Dressed in the cutest pair of white shortalls, you’ve been working from home all day – or rather, mindlessly clicking through your e-mail while waiting for Carmy to come home all day, your mind preoccupied with the fact that Carmy hasn’t been home to give you exactly what you want.

What you need, may be the better description.

It’s as if the spirit of Eros himself has taken you over, unable to focus properly as your rapidly changing body needs is practically screaming out for one thing and one thing only:

To be properly and thoroughly fucked by the man that got you here in the first place.

“I-,” he begins, attempting to explain that he was running a little behind and got caught up giving feedback to one of his new line cooks before your mouth is on his in an all-consuming kiss.

Now that he’s here, you regret even asking him, careless for the why when it feels this good to have him pressed up against your body. Your lips are desperate, hungry, intense, as you tangle yourself into him. It’s as if you can finally relax, like you can finally take a breath, now that your husband is finally here.

He lets out a little groan of surprise against your mouth, as if you’ve charged towards him like the sexual equivalent of a tasmanian devil.

And in his defense, you have.

“Baby,” he whispers against your lips. “Should we-, can we even-, shouldn’t you be working?”

He’s not wrong.

You should be working.

But the unbelievable and insatiable need for sex – for sex with Carmy – is the only thing driving you these days, holding you hostage to its unbelievable and all-encompassing power. You’re like a woman possessed as you reluctantly pull away from him to put his mind at ease. Your lust-filled eyes look him over, his curls already wild from a long day at the restaurant, as you shake your head ‘no.’

“I finished all my work for the day and signed off early. Perks of being a start-up sellout,” your well-kissed lips inform him.

Carmy’s head spins in response to your answer.

Maybe it’s the prospect of the sex.

Maybe it’s the way it’s the way your mouth feels against him as you kiss down his jawline and his neck.

“Okay, but I gotta be back at the restaurant at 4:15,” he smiles in agreement, more than happy to oblige.

“That’s plenty of time,” you coo, nibbling on his earlobe.

This time it’s Carmy who initiates, using both of his hands to cradle your face before his mouth is over yours again. The kiss starts slowly this time as he inhales deeply, taking you in. You shift closer, pressing your slightly-rounder-these-days belly against his body once more. He moans, his hands immediately traveling down your body, to your hips as he breathes you in again, wanting nothing more than to stay like this with you forever. His touch ignites something in you and you allow yourself to surrender, lost in the feel of his hands against you. His hands are everywhere – your hips, traveling up your belly, dancing across your fuller-than-normal breasts – and finally the drawn-out unrest of your mind can finally find peace.

He’s starting to get used to this.

And he’ll admit that he really, really likes it.

Carmy changes positions with you so that he can press you up against the front door as you continue your passionate makeout.

Your first trimester had been hell – mornings spent on the bathroom floor together while you hurled the contents of your stomach into the toilet, days where you barely had the energy to get out of bed, nights where you were too hot to sleep that all you could do was lay on the cold tile of the bathroom floor, frustrated tears pouring out of the corners of your eyes – your body undergoing the hardest reset of your life.

So when the fog and tumultuousness of your first trimester subsided, it was a more than welcomed change – and in so many ways. You’ve traded mornings of flat ginger ale, saltines, and sympathetic back rubs, with mornings spent tugging on Carmy’s perfect curls while you cried out his name.

“You smell like sandwiches,” you giggle in between kisses.

“Ah shit. I should shower,” he sighs, reluctantly.

He knows your sense of smell has been heightened lately, and he can’t imagine that smelling like a spicy Italian sandwich would be much of a turn on for you. He begins to pull away, but there’s now way in hell you’re letting him go as you grab his hands in yours.

"No, Carmy, I can't wait,” you whine, the sound of your voice the most needy, beautiful thing Carmy’s ever heard in his life.

“You could join me,” he offers with a raise of an eyebrow, presenting a solution you can absolutely get behind.

“Uh huh. Yes please,” you nod eagerly, a girlishness to the way you answer him.

Please.

Your usage of the word’s got him harder than a rock and he loves this side of you. Your sex life had been great before the pregnancy, but there’s something different about it now. Something about how needy you’ve been – the only thing that can possibly quell the fire inside of you being him – has him unraveling at the seams.

How could he possibly say no when he’s more than eager to give you exactly (and then some, if it’s up to him) what you want?

Your fingers are still tangled in his, licking your lips as you add, “My baby daddy thinks of everything.”

Carmy shakes his head, tugging at your hands as he leads you towards the bathroom, mentioning that he still can’t get over the fact that you’ve chosen to call him that in front of everyone you’ve ever known. You remind him that it’s cute, and though he’s not sure he gets it, he lets you do it anyway because it makes you happy.

As you both reach the bathroom, you patiently wait as Carmy turns on the shower, running a hand through the stream of water to check the temperature. One minute he’s focused on the cool water coming down from the showerhead, and then next he’s caging you in between his body and the bathroom sink.

“You miss me this much, pretty girl?” he murmurs dreamily, his hand trailing up your inner thigh.

You nod, taking note of how perfectly his top lip fits in between yours.

“Yes, baby. Thanks for coming home for lunch,” you manage to get out, in between desperate kisses.

“No need to thank me,” he smirks, a newly-found confidence in his voice.

His hands are tugging at the hem of your shorts, as if he could slide the overalls down your body this way, a small pang of frustration welling deep in his stomach as he realizes that’s not going to happen. He kisses you with a fervor that makes you dizzy, as Carmy fumbles with the straps of your overalls. Trying his best to unclasp one side, he tosses the strap over your back, a clang sounding out within the four walls of the small room as the metal of the claps hits the porcelain of the sink.

Carmy lets out a groan as he tugs at the second strap, causing you to giggle.

“These stupid things,” he huffs, a look of embarrassment running through his brilliant blues.

“Here, baby,” you say, slipping one of your arms out of the tangled strap.

He groans as soon as his eyes meet yours again, more than happy to help you out of these damn things.

He pulls the overalls down with a rigor that stops right as the overalls drop to your waist, revealing your white tank top – one that you’re not wearing a bra underneath.

“Sweetheart,” he groans, his hands ghosting over where your nipples stand erect against the fullness of your breasts.

“You been like this all day?” he mutters against your skin, leaning down to drag his mouth over your still-clothed breasts.

“Mmmmhm. Needed you,” you moan, your eyes closing as you lose yourself in the pleasure he’s giving you.

He’s so incredibly hard right now it’s not even funny.

“Yeah?”

By the time you open your eyes again, Carmy’s on his knees, so gentle, so tender with the way he slides the rest of the piece of clothing over the bump that’s been growing inside of your belly.

“Yeah,” you confirm.

You shimmy out of your overalls as Carmy jumps back to his feet, removing your tank so that the only thing you have left is the pair of panties you’re still wearing. Before he can kiss you again, you’re tugging off his shirt, a sacrifice, an offering to the bathroom floor.

“Should be warm enough, yeah?” you ask, gesturing towards the shower.

“Yeah,” he agrees with a nod, removing his shorts.

You feel all the blood in your body rush south as you see how hard he is already, swallowing hard. Carmy helps you into the shower, like the gentlemen he is, and you hope that’s where the gentleness ends.

Before you can say anything else, he’s pulling you towards him, wrapping one of your legs around his waist as the warm water begins to wash over the both of you.

“I’m so sorry, pretty girl,” he hums as his nimble fingers slip between your legs. He groans as soon as he feels how goddamn wet you are.

“Fuck, honey.”

“See? I told you I needed you, Carm,” you pant, letting out a high keening moan as he draws lazy circles around your clit. You’re already bucking your hips into his hand and he’s barely started touching you.

"You're so sensitive. So responsive, sweet girl,” he teases you, as he drags his fingers through your folds. You are so unbelievably wet that he’s not sure how he managed to get so damn lucky.

"I just want you to fuck me, Carm. I’ve needed it all day. I need you to make me feel good," you beg, completely lost in the way his fingers feel as he slides two into you already.

It’s like his touch sets fireworks off in your brain, setting your nerves on fire as you cry out.

"Yeah?” he taunts you, an almost amused tone in his voice as he sets the slowest rhythm. “Think that’s how we got here in the first place, pretty girl.”

"I know,” you whimper, moving your hips against his fingers for any kind of friction. For something more. For something faster. For something deeper. But at this rate, with how much he seems to enjoy teasing you, with how horny you are, you’ll take anything.

“But nothing feels as good as you, Carm.”

Your words go straight to his dick and he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to leave you alone ever again – might as well quit his day job in exchange for this all-day never-ending second trimester sexapalooza you both seem to be caught inside of.

He’s practically choking on his words as he manages to ask you:

"What’s that, baby? Did you touch yourself while I was gone?"

You nod pathetically, moaning as he buries his thick fingers deep inside of you. He pauses, feeling the way your walls pulse around him as he stays inside of you, wanting to memorize this moment forever.

In any other circumstance, he’d make you fall apart on his fingers, and then his tongue before you even went there, but with your recent admission, he’s decided that he has to have you now. In one swift motion, Carmy pulls his fingers from you, releasing his grip on your leg, eliciting a whine at the loss of him.

Before you can even protest, he’s turning you around in the shower, and you can feel his hard-on pressing against your backside as he pulls you close.

“Sweetheart, you can’t just say things like this,” he taunts you, playfully, as he drags his cock through your folds a few times.

“Carm,” you whimper, bracing your hands against the shower wall. “Don’t tease.”

“What’s that?” he coos, pressing his thick tip against your clit.

“I don’t think I can take it. Please, baby,” you whine, so desperate for him to be inside of you. You push your ass back against him, offering your body to him for the taking.

“Fuck!” he grunts out, because he just can’t resist you like this.

You let out a sharp cry, as Carmy pushes himself inside of you, finally giving the thing you’ve wanted all day long.

Carmy sets a slow pace at first, burying himself all the way to the hilt, so that you can feel all of him – every single ridge, every single vein of his cock with each thrust – and with how sensitive, how turned on you are, you’re already seeing stars. His hands hold onto your waist, controlling the speed of your lovemaking, as you press your hands against the shower wall, bracing yourself. You want him everywhere, all around you, consuming you with every fiber of his being, as if all you can do is hold yourself up and let him know how good he’s making you feel.

Carmy’s lips are on your neck, leaving love bites across your shoulders, murmuring sweet nothings about how well you take him and how good you feel. And then he’s speeding up the pace of each thrust, pulling you back towards him. His hands are all over you: pressing you back against his chest, squeezing your breasts, pinching your nipples as he takes care of you.

His wife.

The mother of his child.

The love of his life.

You turn your head just enough so that you can kiss him as Carmy’s hand reaches up to cup your face, making sure that he can kiss you properly too. This time you’re standing up taller, grinding against him, wanting to touch your husband more than you need to hold yourself up against the wall. Your hand slips behind you, grabbing at whatever parts of him that you can, bracing yourself against him, as if you could get Carmy even closer to you, while the other is guiding his across your body, your fingers tangled together.

He’s perfect.

This is perfect.

It’s what you’ve been aching for all damn day.

“I need you, Carm,” you moan into his mouth, as the consistent feel of him thrusting in and out of you has you delirious.

"You have all of me, baby,” he reassures you in the tenderest tone of voice he can muster, his other hand resting just underneath your breasts as he fucks you.

"More."

"More?"

He’s not sure what ‘more’ could mean at this moment, but the dirty talk is so hot that he’s more than willing to find out. He slows down his pace, dragging his cock in and out of you and the most delicious pace.

"Yes,” you pant, pulling away from the searing kiss, your head hanging low. Your hands return to the shower wall as you arch your back, bending at the hips so that you can take him deeper as you add:

“I want to make you a daddy."

His hips stutter for a second, caught off guard by what you’ve just said.

"You-you are, sweetheart,” he chuckles, slowing his pace down for a moment as he watches himself disappear inside of you over and over again.

“Carmy,” you groan, in response to his change pace.

You’re grinding your ass against him, begging him to speed up, but his hands return to your hips, stopping you.

The sight alone, and what you’ve just said, he thinks to himself, might kill him.

You whine as Carmy brings his movements to a halt, trying to get him to fuck you again. But he can’t let what you’ve just said go unrecognized as he stills your hips.

"What was that? You like walking around like this, hmm? Everyone knowing what I've done to you?" he asks you, holding your hips so that you can’t move.

You’ll give him anything to get what you want.

Even if it means saying it again.

“Yes, baby,” you sigh, and Carmy lets out another moan as you squeeze around him.

“I want to make you a daddy. Just fuck me. Please.”

“Oh fuck,” Carmy mutters, knowing he’s not going to last much longer if you keep that up.

He pulls out of you, and before you can protest, he’s slamming back into you in a way that makes you sob. He sets a brilliant pace this time, and you're arching your back, pressing your hands against the wall even harder – and all you can do, all you want to do, is take it. Hearing you chant his name over and over takes over him. He’s a man determined, with a single-minded focus on giving you exactly what you want.

He’s reduced you to a moaning, mumbling mess, as you chase both of your orgasms.

“Touch me, Carmy,” escapes your lips, and he’s more than happy to oblige, his fingers immediately coming to your clit.

He’s so goddamn talented, using his cock and his hands to make you fall apart.

You feel a familiar coil in your belly, and with the way you’re squeezing around him, Carmy can tell your close.

“Come on, sweet girl. Go ahead and let go for me,” his voice sturdy, confident, strong.

And seconds later, your eyes slam shut as you’re crying out his name, falling over the edge as your husband pulls the most delicious orgasm from your body.

“That’s it, sweetheart. That’s it.”

He’s right behind you – literally and figuratively – as Carmy’s thrusts become more erratic, finally letting go after exercising an impossible level of self control. He spills inside of you with a grunt, holding you against him as he pauses.

Breathless, you throw your head back, grateful that his shoulder is there to catch you. With the slightest turn of your head, you’re able to kiss him, placing the gentlest kiss against the corner of his mouth before Carmy’s hand comes up to lift your chin towards him again, so that he can kiss you properly.

“Holy shit, Bear,” you sigh, a sense of relief washing over you.

“Yeah,” he pants, trying to catch his breath with you.

You both take a beat, a moment to let your brains catch up with your bodies, just holding onto each other – savoring the way it feels to be in each others’ arms.

“I should uh… I should probably still shower,” Carmy starts, beginning to come back down to earth.

You turn back towards him, wrapping your arms around his neck, entertaining him with slow, lazy kisses in between words.

“But why don’t you dry off and get into bed?” Carmy suggests, using a quiet yet direct tone, almost as if it’s an order.

It’s as if he knows that, though the last orgasm he’d just given you had been world-rocking, there’s no way in hell you’ll be satiated today with just one.

“Really?” you ask, hopefully with a giggle.

“Yeah,” he nods.

“Heard, chef,” you tease him, eliciting a playful eye roll from him.

He releases you, giving you the time and space to wring out your hair and step out of the shower.

And as you do what he says, he rewards you for it, spending the rest of the afternoon with his face buried between your legs until he’s ready to go again.

“And we’ve got a special tonight. Lemon chicken piccata. We’re talkin’ major Berzatto family recipe, ok? So let’s make sure we’re talkin’ up, alright?” Richie announces, following it up with a reminder to all of his servers of the main talking point during tonight’s pre-shift meeting.

Carmy thinks he’s been stealthy as he attempts to sneak back into the restaurant, considering he’s thirty minutes late. He feels lucky that since everyone is preoccupied with the pre-shift meeting that they couldn’t possibly notice him slipping in this late. He hears the meeting end, making a mental note that tonight’s mise has been done right, praying that tonight’s service goes smoothly.

He has, afterall, been using up a lot of extra energy lately….

“Hey, Jeffrey. We were wondering when you’d be in tonight,” Tina comments, as she returns to the kitchen, ready to lead service tonight.

“Oh uh, yeah. Sorry, got caught up with some stuff,” he mumbles, avoiding her gaze as he doesn’t have an excuse or a cover story.

“Mmmhhhmmmm,” she sounds, passing him by, because it’s no secret what Carmen Berzatto’s been up to lately.

“Yo, cousin!” Carmy calls out, in search of Richie.

Carmy makes his way into the dining room, and as soon as Richie sees him, knowing what time it is – knowing that Carmy’s running late – he smirks. A blush runs over Carmy’s cheeks as Richie shakes his head with a laugh.

It’s as if Richie can see right through him, and suddenly, Carmy’s feeling incredibly exposed.

Richie wags a finger at his cousin, his laugh beginning to build.

“Ahhhh man, cousin,” he sighs, an amused look on his face as he continues. “No one warned ya, huh?”

“I-,” Carmy starts, searching for any and all excuses he could make up on the spot, to no avail.

“Men can’t resist a pregnant woman. Sheesh. Enjoy it while you can, jagoff.”

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kpopgirlbtssvt · 9 months

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Ooo I have this request if anyone wants to write it!! (PLZ🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER)

Carmy x fem!reader where she’s new to Chicago and desperately needs a job, she’s newly pregnant (her bf having run off the minute she told him she was pregnant), so she walks into a new upcoming restaurant for a job, The Bear. She’s rambling and apologizing as she shows Carmy her résumé because she has no experience in the food industry (she was an elementary teacher for a couple years before), but also telling him she really needs a job because she’s alone with a baby on the way. He really wants to help her, so he hires her either as a hostess or an assistant (he didn’t want her in the kitchen just for safety reasons (her being pregnant), and because she doesn’t have experience in the kitchen). Anyways, The Bear staff embrace her like she’s family, always looking out for her, Tina mothering her, Syd becoming her best friend, Marcus making sweets whenever she’s craving it, even Richie being super soft with her, but Carmy especially gets REALLY close with her, like to the point where he’s driving her to and from work (b/c she doesn’t have a car), he’s taking her to her prenatal appointments, letting her take breaks in his office (her napping on his couch), him even being their for the birth of her daughter because she doesn’t want to be alone, etc…

Also The Bear staff throwing a baby shower for Y/n🥺 Her showing up at work and being surprised to it🤧🤧 Y/n definitely crying into Carmy’s chest🤧

Anyways, they officially start dating close to the end of her pregnancy, and honestly they both fall head over heals 🤧

Y/n’s daughter’s first word being directed at Carmy… “Dada”😭 Carmy melting😭😭

Also Carmy proposing to Y/n and also officially adopting her daughter, now their daughter!

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cloveroctobers · 1 year

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hold on — carmy berzatto

a/n: we want soft moments for carmy only!! It is the season of love after all. I’m taking a stab at writing a little bit this month, I’ve been more in the spirit this time around. Nothing too long but hopefully makes you feel a little something.

S/n: always written with a blk or brown woman in mind. Not overly descriptive so you’re welcome to imagine whomever.

prompt: running a bath for a loved one + catering to them like Destiny’s child :)

WARNINGS: things get eccentric? Idk I have no ties with the spirit realm or healers lol. I did minimal research, not gonna lie. This is just for story purposes, don’t take it too seriously if it’s not really your thing—It’s not Carmy’s either! + gif belongs to its rightful owner! You know the deal.

˚ ◌༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ ˚ ◌༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ ˚ ◌༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ ˚ ◌༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ

“Uh, how the hell did you get into my apartment?” Carmy stood frozen in the entryway of his living room.

That last thing he expected to see was his old and only friend from high school swaying away in his living room.

A deep dimple appeared in her cheek as she glanced over her shoulder at the blue eyed man.

“Carmy! Welcome home!” She waved the incense in the air as if it was a wand, before walking on her toes towards him, he knew that habit to be from years of gymnastics.

Interlocking her wrists around Carmy’s neck, her dark eyes connected with his much lighter ones.

“Not that it’s not great to see you but…what are you doing here?” Carmy pried, almost waiting for her to drop some form of news on him.

They shared the same sentiments yet Carmy knew how to deal with it better. He found a sense of comfort being attached to his family, that was one thing that he was sure of, having family at the end of the day. Carmy already knew that he would be right down at the original beef after graduation, beside his brother, Mikey, continuing to help what their parents could no longer do.

He was the youngest so whenever Carmy was exposed to questioning events in the Berzatto household, his head was always turned to face another direction. That’s how it always was. From the moment he entered senior year and his dad started complaining about chest pains, Mikey would push Carmy to help their mom clean the kitchen, when he would catch his mother and sugar giggling about some special date she was excited about, Mrs. Berzatto would ask if he had a date of his own with her tonight, and when there would be arguments between his mother, Mikey, and their father about Mr. Berzatto putting off doctor visits, Sugar would drag Carmy back upstairs to talk about school.

It seemed as if everyone wanted to lead Carmen to another path, a better one in their eyes but it all ended up bittersweet in the process.

She suddenly gripped Carmy’s face, analyzing every detail as if she could ever forget what he looked like. Round blue glaciers for eyes, a tall pointed nose, scruff all along his jaw and chin, long brows and thin at the tips, faint moles underneath his left eye and another on his cheek by the scar sugar accidentally gave him one summer.

Still Carmy.

Except she always seemed to know more than what she let on, even if they haven’t talked but that didn’t mean she didn’t attempt to in her own way. They were always on different time zones and she sent a post card every once in awhile that he kept tucked inside a impressive bookcase.

“You need to prioritize self-care, my friend.”

“That’s doesn’t answer my question.” Carmy sighed, he was used to his friend’s mind wandering.

Huffing she spun away from him, long lettuce trimmed skirt ruffled at her ankles as she placed the incense in a ashtray that sat on the coffee table. The woman stood in almost perfect posture, inhaling and turning back with hands on her waist.

Her arms were equally decorated in tattoos as she twisted her fingers out to Carmy who just blinked at her, “isn’t it obvious? I’m here to provide that self-care.”

“Which entails…what exactly?” Carmy leaned from one foot to the other, while crossing his arms.

She walked up to place her fingertips against Carmy’s abdomen, “your gut-health is heavy. I can just tell by looking at you. It’s holding a lot and we need to clear that up.”

“No.” Carmy lightly flicked her hand away to plop down on the couch, “Whatever spiritual shit you wanna do, I don’t have the energy to get into tonight. I just worked a twelve hour shift and all I want to do is try to get a nap in—

“Napping is not full sleep. This cleanse will help with that and that’s what I’m here for.”

“Who says I need it? Let me guess? Sugar?” Carmy scratched at his hair, “‘ppreciate that but I’m not feeling it. Take it up with her for wasting your trip back here.”

“Spending time with you is never a waste,” she stated patiently with her hands clasped in front of her, “I know you’re not into my whole spiritual shit, which is fine. But I’m here and we need to do something better than just holding on.”

Carmy felt his brows twitch into a frown but found himself pressing his chin into the palm of his hand in thought. It was his turn to look at his old friend. Of course he had a idea that she found some sort of spiritual awakening when he received a postcard from Nepal…and he knew this was genuine but Carmy always had to keep moving.

He didn’t have time to let things settle.

Carmy also noticed that she said, “we,” which wasn’t so foreign. She’s always been the kind of person to take your problems as her own. However Carmy couldn’t help but to think that something else might be going on with her too. After all it’s been two years since they physically saw each other and a lot can happen in two years, hell—even a year!

“Can we start with a simple conversation first?” Carmy started, “how’ve you been?”

“Ah,” she kicked out a bare foot, “I already made myself comfortable. We can do the socializing after we take care of you first.”

“I don’t need—

A look was sent his way and Carmy found himself scoffing out laughter. She was not letting this whole “gut saving,” thing go. He pinched at the skin in between his brows as he thought this over. One thing he was aware of is, he wouldn’t get as much sleep as he needed so at least he would continue to be productive?

“Okay honey, what do we—

Before he could finish his sentence she skipped right up to him. She interlocked their fingers together and tugged for him to get back on his feet. Carmy was used to the soreness in his feet; being on them hours at a time so he ignored the buckle in his knees as he stood. His eyes locked on her frame as she sent him a sweet smile, leading the way with her woodsy but powdery scent lingering in the air.

Carmy did not expect to be brought into his bathroom. How the cubed space was only illuminated by pillar candles and smelled citrusy instead of the usual bleach and Lysol filled bathroom. His eyes then shifted to the greenery that was hooked to the tub.

“Why is there eucalyptus hanging on my shower?

“There’s also small bags of it combined with lavender wrapped around the sink,” she added, “I told you, I’m here to help.”

“By putting a hex on me?”

Suddenly she gasped as if the man she’s known for the longest offended her, “I would never! Not to you, my true soulmate. But I don’t recommend reaching out to my last two partners though. They might say something different.”

Carmy snorted out a laugh.

He was still skeptical but he also knew her. It was not in her nature to want to hurt him, they were too connected.

“alright uh, what do I need to do? Is there a pentagram hiding underneath one of these rugs or what?” Carmy lightly joked while she rolled her eyes.

She sat on the edge of the tub and ran her hand across, which echoed the sound of water splashing around. Shaking her hand out she crossed one leg over the other and dipped her head, “remove your clothing.”

“What?”

“Connecting with the water in the way that we first entered the planet is key. We as humans have had a spiritual connection to water for generations, it’s what we need to survive but it’s also energetically healing.” She explained to the man who listened but still couldn’t find that correlation.

Carmen hummed as he nodded his head, “that’s cool to know and I respect it but I’m not getting naked.”

“Do you shower with your clothes on?”

“Of course not.”

Her stare was intense,“Then what are you so afraid of?”

“I’m not taking my clothes off in front of you, that’s out!” Carmen hissed while she exhaled.

She pushed off the edge of the tub, “I never said you had to get completely naked…you’re not ready for that step in vulnerability and that’s okay. I’ll do that for the both of us.”

In that moment Carmy felt like his eyes were about to bulge out of his head like one of those squeak toys. He stalked towards her, reaching for her wrist to halt her from yanking the tie that was around her neck.

“Don’t do that, it’s not necessary.”

Her laugh sounded like bells as a small one escaped her full lips, “it kinda is and I can say that because I’m a healer. This is my territory. You don’t have to be shy, we’ve seen each other in our natural glory plenty of times before! You have a wonderful body…from what I can remember anyways.”

Carmy puffed out a breath, “God! what am I? A fifteen year old boy who just had their mother walk in on them fresh out the shower and is trying to erase her son’s embarrassment?”

“Did that happen with you and Mrs. Berzatto?” Her head tilted to the side while Carmy dropped her wrist.

He ran a hand over his mouth in frustration, “shut up. I’m not doing this stupid therapy session with you so that you feel…whatever it is you think you’re gonna feel. I don’t need you to fix me…I’m going to the sessions okay? and why won’t you answer why you’re really here?”

It was the first silence that filled the bathroom that made Carmy flick his eyes back to his old friend. She began slowly pacing the bathroom now as she took in his emotions. They’ve always been a “weird” duo growing up, with her wearing all sorts of whacky colors and patterns, a large vitiligo patch that took up the apple of her right cheek trailing up to her temple, and preferred doodling and creating stories than talking to other people.

Yet she never seemed to mind talking to Carmen. He had the stutter and preferred her speaking for them both when they were around large groups of people, especially when he got nervous. Carmen’s mind was always wandering but whenever she was near it tended to slow down for some time.

Like the possibility of a dream could be reality when their eyes held onto each other.

“Please don’t forget who you’re talking to here,” she softly said, “I’ve always loved you for all that you are…even if you don’t exactly know who that is yet. My intentions are to solely just be here, next to you, while you heal.”

She didn’t attend Michael’s funeral because she didn’t deal with death well. However she knew that it wasn’t about her and sent her condolences to Mrs. Berzatto while sharing a lengthy phone call with sugar. With Carmy? He dodged her attempts to reach out to him and she didn’t take it personal. Sure death was part of the life experience but it always felt so out of place to her back then. She also learned that Carmy didn’t attend either—not mentally anyways…he was in town for the service but he couldn’t bring himself to stay inside the church or watch them place his big brother into the ground.

She understood that better than he did.

“No, I get that. Fuck, I’m sorry…Even if the philosophy is strange as hell,” Carmy let out a long exhale, “but I’m sensing something else is going on. What is it?”

That’s when she let her top fall and Carmy immediately put his back to her, “Jesus! Why!? Are you serious right now?”

“Very.” She responded walking to the tub and climbing in with only her low-waist skirt, “the water’s starting to cool off. Are you getting in or is this going to be a one person session?”

What did Carmen really have to lose?

He still wasn’t getting naked but he did kick his shoes to the side and step out of his work-day trousers. He swallowed with his eyes closed and took a deep breath before he moved to head to the tub. Just as he was getting ready to climb in, her voice halted him.

“Against me, instead of across. My heart to your sacral and possibly solar plexus.” She instructed.

Carmy kept his eyes on her face and figured this would be easier with him in front. Shaking his head, he held onto the edge of the tub before he shifted to face the opposite direction and stepped in. The water was much hotter than he expected, letting out a hiss as the water stung at his ankles. Although the bathroom was dim he could see swirls of pink salt and petals, orange and lemon slices, and herbs floating around.

“Sit.”

“I’m gonna!”

“Your flat ass is still in my face.”

“Oh, Fuck off.”

“I love you too.”

Carmy rolled his eyes as he slowly allowed his body to sink into the steaming water. He sat forward, both tatted hands resting against the edge of the tub. Briefly he glanced over his shoulder at her in question, “so what now?”

Her hand shot out, reaching under his arm and over to push at his chest, urging him to rest his head back against her clavicle. Carmy exhaled as he felt his shirt become damp and cling to him now.

“You know…you’re still very bossy.”

“Coming from a chef? I think not.”

A twitch of a smile appeared on his lips at that.

Her arm remained wrapped across his chest and hugged him from underneath the pit.

“We’re going to set the intention now.”

“Which means what?”

“Set what the purpose of this healing will be for you.”

“You said you could see the gut issues all on me…whatever that means,” Carmy began talking with his hands, the droplets fell from the tips of his fingers, “so I’m guessing it would be for that?”

“You got it.”

“…and what about you?”

“Hm?”

“You wouldn’t be inside the water with me if this healing sesh was just for me, now would you?” Carmy asked.

The man was smarter than he gave himself credit for.

She thought fast, “I had to get you in here somehow right?”

It was Carmy’s turn to hum now. The hand that was once covered in water and herbs, lifted to press against her’s. Silently that was his way of knowing and telling her that when she was ready, he was around.

“So,” she breathed, “let’s start by closing our eyes, focus on your breathing, and then the feeling of the water.” She coached.

Carmen always had trouble focusing but the second he closed his eyes, blackening his sight momentarily and inhaled the multitude of scents that were in the room with him now, it all began to feel natural. He didn’t feel himself flinch as another hand gently rested on his stomach as he inhaled then exhaled.

He got comfortable with his back pressed against her front, a ink embedded arm was secure around his body, while the rest of him gradually felt lighter the longer he kept his eyes closed. Any negative thought that occurred in his day that dared to swirl through his mind, was almost instantly bum rushed away with a snarl he was familiar with.

He wanted to open his eyes to question it, how the ball of emotions he kept bottled up could be smacked away just like that? It couldn’t be that easy…although his legs and feet felt like he was floating but was still leveled by the guide that held him by the chest. Up ahead of his body, he felt the tugging of the organ that beat inside of it’s cage, covered in barbed wire until his head rolled to the side.

He thought when his eyes adjusted to the few burned out candles, that he must have dozed off for maybe ten-twenty minutes? It wasn’t until he felt the once steaming water was now barely lukewarm. Abruptly he sat up, water sloshing as he looked around, before he twisted his body to face his friend who sat peacefully with a J pressed to her lips.

“How do you feel?” She asked around a cloud of smoke that she blew to the side.

Carmy used the palms of his hands to press into his eyes until he saw stars, “ah…what the hell was that?”

“Did you see something?”

“I saw a lot that doesn’t really make a whole lotta sense to me.” Carmy admitted.

She dipped her head in understanding, “yeah, my first time also fucked with my head…then it all came together.” She responded before leaning forward, “here.”

Carmy plucked the j and brought it to his lips, taking a few puffs before he scooted forward, getting ready to explain but she held out her hands to stop him. “We don’t have to discuss it now. You marinate on it first after you get more sleep and see if your perception changes in twenty-four hours.”

He blinked, unsure what to say to that. Sometimes dreams? Illusions? weren’t meant to be discussed. Just felt. However Carmy felt like he had some concerns from what he just witnessed.

“How long was I out?”

“Almost an hour.”

Carmy let out a low whistle, “Can I?”

She motioned for him to feel free as he slid back to rest against her chest. He took another puff before passing it back to the woman who held onto it between her fingers. Carmen also did the honors of grabbing her other hand to play with her fingers.

It started to come back to him in spurts, almost like a spasm until she pressed her nose to the side of his face. “You need a official shower now, stinky bear.”

Carmy breathed out a laugh joking, “are you taking that with me too, honey bear?”

“Only if you’re comfortable.”

And that’s how they ended their night, standing face to face with Carmy underneath the shower head. It was his turn to search her face, cradling it while using the pads of his thumbs to caress her skin. Her hands stayed on his wrists, as they shared this intimate moment with the cleanse running down the drain.

Carmy hoped she didn’t run away once he revealed that he knew her secret. However it gave him some sort of warmth inside to know that she wanted to be near him when it happened. So he held her stare for as long as she wanted before she fully stepped into his embrace.

Skin to skin.

Her head fit right against his neck and he used the arm that didn’t rest against her back, to reach up to take the claw-clip that held her twists up. They fell down like a curtain around her and Carmy felt her squeeze herself even tighter to him then.

“I see you too, ya know?” He whispered over her head.

“It feels good to be seen doesn’t it,” she replied, “that’s why I’m glad the universe made you my person.”

She didn’t give much away, she was tricky like that and it was on the tip of Carmy’s tongue but he knew she didn’t want to make tonight about her.

It was not her intention.

So he’d save it for another day and hoped she stayed long enough for him to comfort her in return—no further questions asked—if the cleanse was right.

He gripped her chin this time, turning her face to place his lips on both of her eyes.

That hold that she had on him would not go unseen.

He cared too much to let that happen.

After all, she was just as much as his soulmate as he was her’s.

˚ ◌༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ ˚ ◌༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ ˚ ◌༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ ˚ ◌༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ

taglist: @louderfortheback

Continue along with my winter anthology prompts here.

#the bear #the bear hulu #the bear fx #Jeremy allen white #Carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #carmy x oc #carmy fluff #carmen berzatto x black! reader #carmy berzatto x reader

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