#so much muse to write that i drive myself insane

[inevesgf]

the biggest battle i will fight in life is the one i give myself by working on several fics at once

[the-thing-withfeathers]

pushing all the right buttons

a/n: ever since i started writing more & posting, i’ve had sooo much madison muse. so here’s a lil treat of dom!mads. this is also kind of in honor of the encore tour ending, she absolutely killed it this time around & i’m so grateful i got to see her.

pairing: dominant!madison beer x reader

warnings: kinda angsty at first but then smut smut smut, fluff at the end tho!!!! degradation, choking, oral & fingering (r!receiving), cursing, edging, hair-pulling, overstimulation.

summary: after not seeing madison for a bit, you decide to try and get a rise out of her.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

madison had finished touring about a month ago. you had been at her final show and flew straight back home with her. ever since she’s gotten back though, your affection with her has been limited to kisses & cuddles. you wanted more after months of missing her.

at first, you chalked it up to her mainly being exhausted, which was fair enough, she got up on stage every night to perform her pieces of art. you couldn’t blame her for it. but as time went on, you started to wonder if maybe she lost attraction to you. you had to find a way to get that spark back.

you two were invited to a house party, it was hosted by one of your mutual friends as a celebration for everyone being in one place again.

you wanted to look good. not just good but amazing. you wanted her to notice you, to perceive you the way she used to.

you put on a backless cocktail dress that tied up behind your neck. you wore your down but styled it so it would be curled, your make up highlighted all your best features.

as you got ready in seperate rooms for the sake of having more bathroom space, you hadn’t seen what madison was wearing. your breath caught in your throat the second you saw her. she was in a blue sparkly dress, it was showing off everything you found beautiful about her body. you always thought she was captivating, her beauty unmatched. she had gold hoops on and her hair was tied up with a hair stick in it that you bought her when you visited her in japan.

“hey, baby.” she said, smiling at you. “you look great!”

great? that’s all?

“thanks.” you huffed, “you look amazing. i love the hair stick i got you!” you said, trying to lift your mood.

“i realised i haven’t used it properly.” she said, looking at it in the mirror. “thought it was about time.”

“yeah…” you muttered, grabbing your bag. “we should go. we’re already late.” you said, unclasping your purse to put your phone in there.

“alright, wait for me in the car.” she said, nodding and rushing to put the finishing touches on her make up.

“okay…” you simply said, walking down to the car and sitting in the passenger seat to wait for her.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

the car ride was mostly quiet, the radio filling the gaps of silence. you realised she needed to focus on the road so you just used your phone for the drive.

when you both arrived, the party already had a handful of people in attendance. you two walked in and madison was immediately whisked away by her friends that have been waiting to see her when she got back, leaving you to fend for yourself a little bit.

you walked over to the drink table, pouring yourself something into a red solo cup. you feel a hand touch your shoulder.

it’s a girl you hadn’t met properly before but you know she had worked with madison on one of her music videos.

“heyy girl! oh my god, that dress is so pretty! i NEED to know where you got it!” she said, grabbing herself a drink too.

“awh, thank you!” you said. “um… i actually thrifted it. i made altercations to it myself.”

“what?! that’s insane. it looks like it hasn’t been touched at all!” she said, looking at the dress a bit closer. “you’re too talented!”

across the room, you felt eyes burn into the back of your head. you felt yourself to turn to where madison was talking to one of her friends, you two made eye contact. she didn’t look too happy. that wasn’t the reaction you wanted initially, but if it meant she paid some attention to you, maybe you would have to work with what you had.

“you’re too sweet.” you said, turning back to her. “but yeah! i alter a lot of my clothes, it’s just something i learned how to do.”

“that’s crazy. i think i’d just ruin my clothes if i tried.” she laughed, covering her mouth as she did. you laughed with her, it was geniune but you had to sell it. you leaned forward, touching her shoulder. she put a hand on your waist as you two made contact, laughing together still.

you found yourself chatting to this girl— who you found out was named gracie, actually having a decent conversation. you two talked about your jobs, your hobbies, and even a bit about your childhoods before you exchanged instagram handles.

while yes, you were partially using her to make madison jealous, you were excited to make a new friend on your own, at a party where you only knew a handful of people.

the whole time, you felt madison’s eyes on you. she kept glancing at you, a fire in those angry eyes.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

madison felt herself scowl at the two of you. one of her friends, nick, started laughing at her.

“dude, you’re going to wrinkle if you keep doing that.” he chuckled, following her eyeline until he saw what she was looking at.

madison didn’t mean to be distant from you, she didn’t know why she wasn’t giving you the affection you wanted. she kept finding herself having to fulfill obligations from her work. she failed to realise you were needing her just as much.

she was seething seeing another girl give you the attention that she should have been giving to you.

she caught you excusing yourself for a moment and decided to make her move then.

“be right back.” she said, shoving her drink into nick’s chest and practicing stomping towards you.

•*¨*•.¸¸♪

you excused yourself from gracie to go find the bathroom. you struggled for a moment to find it before taking a chance and pushing one of the doors open to reveal it. you stepped inside and just as you were about to close the door, madison practically shoved the door open.

“mads— what—“ you were cut off by her hand wrapping around your throat, shoving you against the tile on the wall.

“my sweet girl, you thought you could just flirt with some other bitch and get away with it?” she asked, her sultry voice bouncing off the walls. “were you trying to upset me?”

you clawed at her hand, trying to push it away as tears welled at your eyes. as much as you were struggling to breathe, a part of you was excited to finally get what you wanted. you shook your head in a lie, whimpering softly as her hand pressed harder.

“well you sure as hell did.” she said, pressing kisses to your cheek. “are you a little slut for me? is that what you are? were you just being needy?”

you nodded, trying to gasp for air. as you tried to breathe through it, you felt a wetness pool at your core. you loved when she was gentle with you— but you loved this side of her just as much.

“well, you must be happy cause i’ll give you what you want, baby.” she said, her hand releasing your throat. you quickly inhaled the fresh air coming through the open bathroom window. you coughed a little, the air hitting your dry throat.

she pushed herself against you, straightening your back and her hands immediately found themselves lifting your dress. she turned you around and bent you over the sink.

“needy fucking whore.” she muttered, squatting down to pull your panties to your ankles. “fuck… you’re so wet. you love when i just throw you around, don’t you?”

“mmph… love when you throw me around.” you mumbled, holding onto the edge of the bathroom sink for dear life.

madison’s hand came down to smack your wet cunt then immediately after, started circling your clit with the pad of her thumb. you gripped the sink harder, crying out at the pain from the smack. “fuck!” you wailed out, your body jolting at the sudden contact.

“be quiet, bitch.” she said, sharpness on her tongue. “i wanna fuck you into oblivion, we can’t do that if someone catches us.” she said, smacking your pussy again. “you were being a bad girl…” she said, “this is what you deserve.”

you covered your mouth to prevent yourself from crying out again. you felt her mouth make contact with your wetness, her tongue fucking into your hole while her fingers worked your clit. your head fell down, your cheek against the counter. you were holding back moans but your efforts weren’t enough. you were crying out softly every time her tongue pushed into you, tears starting to fall out of your eyes.

this, paired with your touch-starved delirium, made you build towards an orgasm quickly— it didn’t even take madison a few minutes to get you close to the edge. when madison started to feel you shake, she immediately pulled away.

you sighed softly, realizing that you had been holding your breath in. your body relaxed but suddenly tensed up as madison’s fist bunched your hair up into a ball and she yanked you up, your back to her chest.

“look at yourself.” she ordered, forcing you to look at your red tear-stained cheeks. “so fucking good for me. am i really making you feel that good?” she asked, a smirk forming on her face as she laughed at you— it was embarrassing, she was taunting you. “you did this to yourself by thinking it was okay to let someone else touch you.”

“i’m sorry, mads.” you said, desperately wanting her to finish the job.

“sorry won’t do anything, baby. just let me do what i want to you then we can talk about forgiveness.” she said, her hair coming out of your hair and onto your breasts. she tore your dress open like it was nothing, you gasped at the gesture.

“if you’re so good at altering your clothes, you can put it back together.” she said, your breasts bouncing out of the dress. she moaned seeing them come out, your nipples hardening in the breeze.

her hand found its way around your throat again, applying less pressure than earlier but still enough to restrict your airways a little bit.

“watch me fuck you.” she said, holding your neck in place so you were watching. “watch yourself cum.”

she quickly found your clit again, your legs opening just a little bit more for her. she roughly rubbed at it with her middle finger as she placed her chin on your shoulder. she was watching you too. your hand found itself gripping onto her dress while the other was on the bathroom counter, stabilising yourself. you wanted to make noise but couldn’t get anything out because of her hand wrapped around your airway.

“i can feel you trying to moan, that’s so fucking hot.” she whispered, hot breath against your neck. “so fucking hot, baby.” she said, her finger suddenly entering you. you closed your eyes, the feeling was euphoric.

“hey!” she snapped. “eyes open.” she said, pulling her finger out to smack your ass. you whimpered at the loss of the build-up again, forcing your eyes open as she put her finger back into you.

“that’s it, love. you’re being good now.” she said, affirming you. you found yourself smiling at the sight of the two of you— you’ve been waiting for this for over a month and it’s just as good as you were expecting.

you felt that knot in your stomach start to form again, your grip on madison’s dress getting harder. she pumped her finger in and out of you quickly, her thumb supporting the motion by pressing against your clit. her grip on your throat loosened and you immediately let out a loud moan.

“mads.. mads, i’m gonna cum.” you managed to get out. your legs starting to grow weaker and your eyes starting to roll back into your head. you were seeing stars at this point.

“cum for me like the good whore you are.” she said, inserting another finger into you. “maybe i’ll forgive you then.”

it didn’t take much convincing for you to cum all over her fingers, crying out her name as your hand flew to her hair gripping as the tension in your belly snapped. your legs were shaking as she took her fingers out of you. you couldn’t hold yourself up anymore and fell down onto the floor, your back against the cold marbile bathtub.

“my pretty, pretty girl.” she cooed. your legs were still open so she brought her thumb to your clit again, earning a few jolts from you as you rode out your orgasm.

“you think i’m pretty?” you asked, a small soft smile forming on your face.

“i think you’re the most angelic creature to ever walk this earth.” she said, collecting your juices in her fingers, licking them clean as she pulled away.

“you haven’t made me feel pretty recently…” you pouted, your head reeling from the mind-blowing orgasm you just had. you’re pretty sure you lost control over your words.

“oh my baby… my sweet baby… if i ever do that again, you kill me on the spot.” she said, regretfully. “i’m sorry… let me make it up to you?”

you nodded with a toothy smile, your arms pulling her in for a hug. you were happy to have your girl back.

you two sat for a moment before you found your footing, standing up with madison’s help. you noticed your dress was ripped open still but neither of you had anything to cover you up.

“mads… you tore my dress.” you complained.

“oh! yeah… you may have forgiven me but i haven’t forgiven you.” she giggled. “second part of your punishment! walk back out to our car like that.” she said, turning you around to face the door.

“WHAT?!” you exclaimed.

“everyone’s drunk, they won’t notice a thing. they’ll probably forget about it too!” she defended her decision— which was totally not made just cause she got carried away by accident.

“mads… you can’t be serious.” you whined.

“oh i’m dead serious.” she nodded and slapped your ass.

“now walk, bitch.”

[suzyq31]

WIP Tag

Thanks for the tag @nodirectionhome-ao3! I almost feel unworthy as I really am not writing much now and feeling a lot of conflict about how to move forward in fandom, but it's still fun to have a chance to chat about what I am writing (even if it's slow).

List the titles your top five priorities for WIP updates (link your fics for new readers!)

An upcoming scene, event, or detail in each fic that you're looking forward to writing

Bonus: make a poll for your followers to vote on which top 5 WIP they are most excited to see an update on!

Then tag 10 writer friends

Titles

Maybe Tomorrow: The epilogue is all that's left! This is a hard story to categorize, but essentially Harry and Hermione are fixing up Potter Manor the first Christmas after the war, on Christmas Eve they wake up to find themselves seemingly in the future, or some possible alternate reality. Friends to lovers, time travel, domestic fluff and plenty of angst thrown in.

Untitled James and Lily. A one shot sitting in my drafts. Mischief and games, and a first kiss. Possibly going to connect it to At The Beginning.

Found. I've actually pulled this from Ao3 and it's become a personal project instead. It's a spin off from my Seasons Series. Second generation, original character, coming back from the dead and other fun stuff. Harry/Hermione.

Iris. Another project I'm unsure of. It's still online, but may take it down in future to also write for myself instead of an audience. It's the first long story I ever attempted, and was a tad ambitious with it. Harry and Hermione. Hidden child, post war, angsty as hell. And a mystery plot that is slowly driving me insane as I try to weave in the appropriate clues.

Don't really know at this point. @bettertoflee and I have lost steam on In Between which is supposed to be a steamy, fake dating, 8th year Harmony. Life is just hectic and neither of us are feeling overly motivated. I have several vague James and Lily ideas floating in my brain, as well as a few original short stories I'd like to experiment with...but lately writing has been a chore and my creative muse feels depleted!

As you can see the theme is that I have all these Harry and Hermione WIPS, yet no will to work on them, or at least continue posting (sigh). And I would like to write more James and Lily, yet keep freezing. So fun times all around!

Upcoming Scenes, Events, Details

So it's just the epilogue left. One detail is that so far it's only one scene and not very long, but still, I am so excited to finally wrap this up and reveal some stuff. It's probably the story that has meant the most to me on a personal level, and it feels so good to have finished something that I worked hard on and am proud of.

There is a kiss that I am very eager to write. Plus some group dynamics that I'm having fun experimenting with.

Now that I'm not writing this for an audience there has been some freedom with being able to let go of certain details and it feels great to just jump around and have fun with it. I'm working on a scene of a cute "first" date that makes me all fluttery ❤️ Also Ron will be making another appearance soon, and I do love writing him.

There are some cute scenes I'm excited to write, but they are a ways away and I don't want to say too much. I will say there is a kiss that I am also very excited to write in this one to! Let's just see if I ever get through all the "mystery" bits.

Well, if we could summon the energy/ability, there is a smut scene in In Between that I know I'm eager to write, or read, who knows which of us will make it happen 👀 I would also very much like it if my desire to write would come back as I keep getting snippets of Jily banter in my head that would be good to get down.

Not sure if anyone will be interested in reading any of this, but yes a glimpse at the chaos of my writing life (at least fandom wise).

Anyone who wants to participate, consider yourself tagged! But will also add a few that I am curious about! @glitterwitch1 @myst867 @annonymouslyblonde

[the-mandawhor1an]

Don't mind me I'm just rambling...

As tomorrow is a special day I want to get a few thoughts out there.

The decision to write something for Tumblr specifically instills fear in me.

Why?

Because I have abandoned too many stories by now. My Google drive is filled to the brim with drafts and unfinished stories. I'm scared of abandoning Maia as well. And in return letting you guys down.

This is the first fic I'm publishing in a loooong time. It has been 10 years.

I've lived off of my own, sometimes caffeine driven, motivation and a bit of Zaddy's euphoric feedback whenever she got to read my stuff. Maybe getting just one or two people to enjoy my pathetic endeavors will fuel my fire enough to make it through.

I'm not setting myself up for failure here

I really don't want to. As much as I like foreshadowing, this isn't it.

Maia and her story are very important to me. As is my partner in crime, my muse, my riduur in spe, Zaddy. I will not abandon the roleplay, I will not abandon the daydreaming, I will not abandon the fic.

It's two years until we probably see the last of Din Djarin. There's so much time to fill the void until we get our final fix. Who knows if we even get a season 4 before the movie. I want to be a part of the fandom space. Because I enjoy going absolutely insane with you guys. And as much as I love being on the receiving end of your creativity, I want to give something back.

Back to my original train of thought:

I'm 'storyboarding' Maia's story right now. I'm trying to condense a story that currently sits at about 300k words. We have maybe 1/3 of the plot written out so far.

It's insane.

All of this while working full time and while simultaneously working on my other hobbies (namely drawing and making Maia's costumes) – forget video games.

I'm feeling a lot of anxiety. I love the story and fear that I'm not doing it justice.

Watch out for tomorrow.

Love you guys.

[musezieren]

🍄🐠🌸

roleplay experience meme

🍄 my favorite original character blog :

okay, okay, wow... I don't have a favorite. I have a bunch I love, and some I just don't talk to so much... so imma list those I talk/plot with and write with and ugh just adore them and their ocs, okay? @inflictswounds @arcanabis @tamedstray @pluviacuratio @ruinouss @sclitvde @bhlspwn @architaciturn as I said, just people I plot/chat with, else I'd list half of tumblr lol

🐠 why i love (or hate) this hobby

So, I love writing, but I also have adhd, so working on the same story for long drives me insane. But then there is rp... I write, get surprised a lot, can have a lot of different plots at once and!!! DOPAMINE FOR FREE But it's why it's my downfall too, I need to force myself to take breaks or I can get pretty addicted to rp.

🌸 the blog/s that most inspires me

UH... @y-rhywbeth2 they don't know me, but their lore posts are like 🥰😍 and are what made me reshape parts of Sirius and pre-game stuff :3c (also half the reason I added Bane as muse lol)

[a-yarn-of-purple-prose]

I spent a few months driving myself insane trying to remember where I had seen a quote that went basically "when players say a videogame has a good story it means it has a story" so I could throw it at a Genshin Impact discussion.

Today I was looking for an unhinged pic in my screenshots folder (look, I was asked) and found it:

(tagging @blood-orange-juice here because I think she might want to save that pic for future pvp)

Vogel from the print is Jeff Vogel of Avernum fame (of course, you'll only know about Avernum if you're into playing isometric RPGs, or maybe really into indie games. As in probably making them.)

Now, the blog post this print comes from has some other musings about game writing that are pretty much worth a read regardless if you're writing games or anything else.

(I know tumblr people don't really click links, but, hey, I tried.)

[dogslosing]

i will forever be amazed by how your mind works — your ability to craft such intricately developed background stories from simple concepts is just out of this world !! your creativity knows no bounds, and i just consider myself lucky to have the honor of writing u with u. each one of ur characters feel sooo authentic and layered with unique personalities and i love them all even the ones that drive my muses insane (@rogue).

erica........ not me crying in the club right now ..... this means so much to me, you have no idea. considering i think you, your writing and muses are top tier, i am HONORED, thank you 😭😭 (also rogue said she loves you and your son.. wait who said that)

Anonymously send me your favorite detail about how I play my character.

[ghostlyrps]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN!

NAME: Ghost or Tiny! Whichever you prefer!

PRONOUNS: I prefer they/them, but also use neopronouns: fie/fier/fiers/fierself and lun/lune/lunes/luneself

MOST ACTIVE MUSE(S): Easily Ghost! They're my most developed character right now.

RP PET PEEVES: Grammar issues! I have my own of course, but this is easily the one thing that can drive me insane.

EXPERIENCE/HOW MANY YEARS: Oh jeez. This is hard. I think I rped on YouTube and some chatroom I can't remember the name of back when I was like 12? Also I did Roblox rp. It was Warrior Cats focused since I was just getting into the series.

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT?: ANGST. I am absolutely an angst machine! I will also roleplay slice of life shenanigans as well, though! Usually I like some good ol' hurt/comfort for the best of both worlds! Smut isn't completely off the table either, but I'd prefer to do so on Discord.

PLOTS OR MEMES?: Either one! I usually have a few ideas thought up to build plot off of, but I'm totally willing to just go with the flow!

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?: Long, though occasionally sometimes my brain is a bitch and won't let me write much. I always feel bad about short replies though! Like PLEASE enjoy me writing you at least a paragraph as a response

TIME TO WRITE?: Anytime! I often try to respond as soon as possible

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES?: Believe it or not, Ghost was meant to be my Sinner Sona(I might still use them as one, but they're primarily an OC)! Because of this, Ghost actually takes quite a bit of inspiration from myself. We even share hobbies, though they're much better at crochet!

Regardless, I always put a bit of myself into my characters.

TAGGED BY: @radioiaci

TAGGING: @knightcoree @ambulance-mom

[militibus-ex-umbra]

((Another Update cause I know I’ve been absent from here. It’s gonna be depressing though so feel free to read at your own discussion.))

So I’ve been going through a lot of personal drama behind the scenes, my job has been insanely busy until very recently. On top of that a lot of my own personal medical situation has seemed to change and get worse in some ways. And even more on top of that, my cat passed away this monday because she was suffering from a type of bone cancer. This has been affecting my entire family but both me and my younger sister especially. It hasn’t been very easy. 

I do plan on coming back here but I do think I’m gonna pull away from some of the social aspects of the fandom. I’m not completely disappearing mind you. But I’m gonna be much more selective here. And also be leaving some of the discords I’ve joined for RPing as well.

I’d like to stress and clarify that I have nothing against any of the servers I plan on leaving, or if you don’t here from me for a while in private. I just need to take more steps to keep my mental health secure. Because It’s been very unstable lately.

I’m hoping this will not only help me feel better mentally, but will give me the actual desire to write again. Honestly somedays I felt like deleting this whole blog and only rping one or two muses on a fresh start. But after several talks with a close mutual, I decided this would probably be the best way to help myself.

As I said, If I’m more distant or seem more distant to any of you. It’s nothing against you or me not liking you. I’m just trying to keep myself together through all of this. Also this has admittedly killed most of my drive to write nsfw. If I get that back I’ll let you know. But depression sucks doesn’t it?

Thank you if you read all of this. And If I can, I’ll be writing again here before long.

[trapton]

hows ur portrayal?? hows your portrayal???? do i even NEED to speak about my opinion of your portrayal. your will quite literally drives me insane in the best way possible. have i stated the fact that i was entirely indifferent about william afton before i stumbled upon you + your portrayal of him because its true. you singlehandedly made me so incredibly mentally ill about this man its not even funny. hes sosososo interesting i absolutely adore the way you interpret him i want to examine him under a microscope. i can tell youve put so much thought into him as a person past what most people in the community do and i just. i dont know how to explain it. ive said it before this blog right here is literally the reason i joined the tumblr rpc bc i was just . i dunno i was just in awe. every thread i have with ur will ( and all ur other muses ofc, ur will just drives me insane in a Very Specific Way that is difficult to replicate ) is sososo special to me. i specifically love our pair of fucked up guys i will actually never be over them.

tl;dr im picking up your william by the scruff of his neck and shaking him like a dog toy he is everything to me. i will forever be this fucked up little mans #1 fan i enjoy him so so much. thank you for making him the way that he is.

🔧 「   ASK MEME :   HOW’S MY PORTRAYAL?   」 / @nineliabilityrisk !

i have to restrain myself so i don't end up hoarding this ask, because i ask for this expecting critique &. ofc some compliments but i'm notoriously bad at taking them, &. like! i always just end up complimenting the sender to deflect. so i'll try to do better at that, but i have to just say that i adore you &. your original characters are rich &. unique &. your canons are so thought through &. interesting, &. i am not doing you justice with this explanation or these compliments but you've just been such a good friend &. a lovely partner in writing &. i always adore getting replies / messages / memes or anything else from you. (also including seeing your posts). &. your smut writing (&. in general) is masterful it's art it is LOVELY. for being young you're just so advanced in your writing. ANYWAY

first off i have to give you a formal apology for making you mentally ill about willy. it's a terrible &. speaking from experience i hardly needed to add to my list. though, it makes me blush that i could take a character you were indifferent about &. make you like them &. see them differently. there's a lot of ways to interpret will / fill in his blanks, &. i admit i may have (definitely have) some hot takes, aka him not building spring bon or his design or art hobbies, though i stand by him. like, honestly i had so much in my mind about him i needed to make a separate blog for the first time in years. he just took up all of my brain-cells. it just means so much to me to know you like how i see him, &. that you think he's interesting???? to the point where you're here bc you saw one of my posts / my blog? IT'S TOO MUCH FOR MY LITTLE MIND TO WRAP AROUND <3 &. i could not be more humbled that you think that of me, i really truly appreciate all of our threads so much &. your writing is just so lovely &. i fucking adore everything we've done together. also please if you wanna ask me anything about him hmu <3 i'll talk all day if you need ahah. (ik ik sometimes i forget tumblr IM's exist) but IUHYGTFRDEDFGHUJIK YOU'RE TOO GOOD / NICE TO ME. thank you thank you thank you.. <3

[safyresky]

Legit wanna ask you all of these, but I’ll try to be abstemious! (“Try” being the operative word) —

How do you choose which POV to write from?

What’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

How do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain? 

How do you choose where to end a chapter?

Share a snippet from a WIP (please)

How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc)

Of the characters you write for, which is your favourite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

Do you have a favourite scene that you’ve written for CS? 

(I’m sorry for asking so many!) 

💜 

Thanks K! I'll be proactive and read more this shit now, lmao

POV: I'm a basic bitch, I go third person always and tend to pick the character who's taking precedence in the scene for perspective! On the rare occasion I go first person, it's because the character (Usually Jacqueline) is breaking the fourth wall to make themselves HEARD and who am I to refuse a muse such as Jacquie? She's in my walls, man. Not even paying rent. Unbelievable.

Common writing tip: Said is dead. Said is NOT dead! It's NOT and I will USE IT and you will find it to be INVISIBLE and the dialogue will SLAP and SAID IS NOT DEAD!

Emotional scenes: I very much do put myself in their shoes at the moment! You should see the faces I make when I write these bad boys lmao. Sometimes I'll pretend to be watching them acted out when walking around and then bc I talk with my hands I look insane to the casual onlooker.

At their heart, most if not all emotional scenes have some basis of my own experiences entwined with them! Not like, direct from Dani, straight to Video Cassette and DVD, but like. I think of situations where I have felt the same and try to describe how I was feelin/pour those moments into it. The only exception to this rule is the Dite Comes Out snippet, which is 100% based on my own experiences when discovering asexuality and trying to talk about it with friends and such!

When writing a villain, what to remember: LMAO GOOD QUESTION! IDK! My first thought is to say to remember that they're people too. Not that I'm out here like SYMPATHIZE WITH YOUR VILLAINS (she says, writing redemption arcs for villains) bc some villains are just ASSHOLES and are MADE that way so you DON'T sympathize with them! Bc they SUCK! What I mean to say is that more often than not I find villains have their own motivations/thoughts, like heroes or other characters, and they think they are in the right, or that what they are working to do is what needs to be done. It's good to remember that, especially when writing scenes and such from their POV. They have motivations and things that drive them

AND! Just bc they think a certain way does NOT mean you do!!!! Get that Anti culture RIGHT OUT OF HERE! GREY IS A COLOUR THAT EXISTS AND WHAT YOU WRITE DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE INTO AN IDEA/BELIEVE THIS IDEA/WHATEVER. It just means you have a story to tell and by GODS you are GONNA TELL IT

When to end a chapter: I have a process for this and no idea how to explain it except for THE VIBES. Usually if it's a fluffy chapter, I end it on a high note; if it's a plotty chapter, I end it on either A) a reveal or B) a cliffhanger. I definitely prefer ending on like, nice statements that read like a natural end point. This does lead to me on occasion trying to write a smooth little closing paragraph; it's not a bad habit but I think I can absolutely do more natural ends without feeling the need to add a statement that's like "and end chapter", if that makes sense, lol. Practise makes perfect!

Share a snippet: Please enjoy this funny bit from a very self-indulgent wip called "The House That Jacqueline Forgot"

AHEM.

Heading back into the hallway, she bopped her head into the space before the basement. A smaller room, she had had it added on way back when. Hoping to avoid ruining the hardwood floors, she had thought it a good idea to have a mudroom put on the side. It also made the basement entrance less terrifying, given that the house was built in the Limestone City, and as such, the basement was much shorter than you would expect. She wondered if the fireplace downstairs was still in one piece. She’d have to check. And then probably get an HVAC going. Lady knew she’d need it given the hot Ontario summers.  She stopped in front of the door once more, looking up the stairs. It hit her then, all at once: if she wanted to get this house in working order, it was going to be a very long road. And the upstairs would probably be twice as bad as down here!  An overwhelming sense of despair briefly clouded her thoughts as she thought of all the work ahead. She almost sunk down on the floor right then and there, were it not for the four creaks on the stairs outside followed by a loud SNAP, and a very familiar voice swearing.  Whipping around, she pulled back the door to find a large hole in her front porch.  “You've got a hole in your deck,” Jack pointed out nonchalantly. He was leaning on the rail of the portion of the deck overlooking the garden, looking as casual as can be.  “That’s so funny, because moments ago when I got here, that hole wasn’t there.”  “Are you implying that I fell through your deck?” Jack asked, aghast. The railing started to creak below him. He sprung off it like it was actively on fire.  Jacqueline side stepped the hole, standing beside her brother. She picked something off of his lapel. “Yes, I am,” she said, flourishing the piece of worn, red, wood that had escaped Jack's magical clean snap.  “Well, I can’t argue with that,” he said, taking the wood chip and flinging it into the garden.  “What are you doing here?” Jacqueline asked, hopping back inside the house. “I thought you were in the Alps today, storming it up.”  “I was,” Jack said, following her in. “Really enjoying it too, until my lovely stormy walk was disrupted by a wave of despair so intense, I nearly fell down the mountain.”  Jacqueline flushed, looking away. “Sorry. I just had a moment. It’s just…it’s fine. It’s alright.”  “But are you?” Jack asked.  “Eh...” she shrugged, pushing the door open as far as it would go. “I mean. You know. I want to say I’ve seen worse but...I have my work cut out for me,” she said, gesturing to the inside of the house.  Jack let out a low whistle, stepping inside and taking it all in. “Wow.” 

Describing my style: another good question! Idk! I'd say character-driven, for the most part. They all have little arcs and growth to do and the story structure/plot helps achieve this goal!

Fave character to write: Jacqueline's so fucking funny, and I LOVE when Bernard gets sassy. That's always fun to write. Blaise has become a surprising fan favourite (people's responses to him may have swayed me a bit, ESPECIALLY the husbando's love of the "fiery dilf") and I've found myself really enjoying writing him! And the Twins are a fucking RIOT, and lately, when they're on their own with Jack in more emotional moments, they've been surprising the shit out of me. It's been fun! They are so tiny and full of chaos but they care about their siblings so so so much 🥺🥺🥺

Oh, and Adria! Once you all meet her proper, you'll see why she's such a delight >:)

Something I pride myself on in my writing: the convos all sound natural! I literally say them out loud and write them how I'd say them/hear them. Hence the abuse of capitals and lowercase, punctuation, and half italicized words ;)

You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it? Abuse of the semi-colon, evil uncles, horrible puns, and the dialogue reading like MSN in 2007 (see above point)

Do you have a favourite scene that you’ve written for CS? 

SO MANY. AH! My absolute favourites are:

Chapter 11: Blinter, with the chair and the Jack look and the ...you know look the pair of them have

Chapter 22: The window breaking and Blaise being like please tell me that wasn't our kids and Jack yelling SCATTER as the four siblings BOOK it and Blinter side eyes one another like alright, damage control time.

Chapter 16: Autumn and Winter's chat, and Spring and Winter's chat. there's something about the atmosphere of a quiet, dark kitchen while you carefully tidy, the people you love nearby having a riot while you take a moment to yourself, really, really hits. and I like when Winter tells Spring off and then tells her she needs to chill, she's doing okay, really (she being Spring in this case)

Chapter 23: Jack and Jacqueline's whole chat at the Springs, and then Jacquie pushing Jack into the pool and him dragging her into it too lmao. Not to mention the WOULD YOU HELP ME KILL A GUY bit!

I've also got some bangers I've yet to write but am VERY excited to! Chapter 27 especially is gonna be a HIT

thanks for the ask, K! I'm glad you did as many as you did! This has cheered me up SUBSTANTIALLY today 🥰🥰🥰

[xx-vergil-xx]

okay so I'm finally reading Hounds and I have to yell at you here, too because

DESIRE

you write them SO GOOD, you write them SO FRIGHTENING, the enormity and deepness and awful ceaselessness of human want! humans want CONSTANTLY! they want sex and they want love and they want violence! this is why I think that Dream and Desire are SO similar because dreams and desires cover the entire breadth of human emotion, the good and the bad! except Dream responded by repressing so hard he turned into a black hole and Desire responded by going fucking insane!!!

(also, on a more serious note -- how far into Hounds did you get when plot hit you? and was it something like that you just kinda realized you were writing it and it was going somewhere, or did you have a concrete idea that came to you? always interested in other writing processes, because i tend to start writing something for the ~aesthetic~ and then I'll have a plot that'll smack me in the head and I have to go back and redo stuff lol)

hello hello!!! first off, as a devoted patron of ur absurdly good work it’s an honor and a delight hello comrade in arms <3 <3 <3

thank u so much!!! writing desire was just so unbelievably fun bc it’s characters like that that are so fuckin maxed out knobs-turned-to-11 insane where for myself, as primarily a poet with a fondness for Strange and Off-Putting Language, i can just go crazy go stupid ya know? i fully agree with your desire and dream similarity thesis i really think that they hate each other because they are so similar that it drives them both up the wall — dream reviles desires indulgence and desire thinks dream has a major stick up his ass but deep down they’re two sides of the same lunatic coin, they’re batshit when it comes to any and all emotions (and dream’s repression continually bites him in the ass because his emotions get so compressed he inevitably spills over and lashes out — my favorite example being nada getting cast into hell like he’s so overcome with embarrassment and almost shame at rejection and also grief at what he’s done to her that it makes him act like a Major Fucking Asshole because he loses control anyway sidebar sidebar). i love desire and if i can work their voice back into the fic at a later point god knows i will because it was a joy to write them (on par with the corinthian who has been my FAVORITE voice so far ugh my blonde bastard beloved <3)

i too started with a Vibe Only — it was about half a chapter in my notes that was hob in a nightclub in berlin seeing someone who looked like dream (i think that became ch 3) and a chunk abt dream where i was trying to conceptualize how imprisonment in a body would work for a very non-corporeal being who can’t die, mostly as an experiment in body horror — hounds emerged from these little scraps and the plot has come along in organic fits and starts. not sure where ur at in ur read (holy shit i never imagined it would be as long as it is now) but little arcs sorta developed for me one after the other — the rescue trope first bc i am a sucker, then corinthian arc, and now this current one, and it’s sort of a ridiculous stroke of luck that they’ve all escalated on each other enough to form a coherent and rising plot that actually is leading up to the moment i’ve been beating my head against the wall abt for the last two days (thanks to @aberfaeth for her infinite wisdom and feedback and also giving me a god tier concept that i’m stealing to use). that’s often my typical process, i tend to go very organic, but i’ve never done it with something this long and i’m shocked it’s still functioning. hopefully this gift from the muses and the spirit of hob gadling continues onward as i desperately attempt to figure out how this is gonna resolve!

thank you a thousand times over for reading! <3

[wahrhelt]

THE TRUTH THEOREM

RP blog for Reshiram (including gijinka form), written by Necro.

Necro | it/its pronouns only | 25+

Read the fucking pages pweaseeee

Mun | Muse

Rules underneath.

Blog is a wip as of now.

Absolutely no ooc drama. Unless someone actively abuses other people or writes illegal content, I do not want to hear it.

This also goes for proship/anti ship talk. I simply do not care. So long as every muse involved is legal and able to consent, as well as human intelligence and the ability to communicate consent, it's fine to me.

Please do not softblock me. Always hard block me. If you softblock me, I will likely think tumblr made a mistake and refollow. I'd rather not force my way into spaces where I'm not wanted.

I do not send in passwords.

I will not follow back if I'm not interested or see too much ooc drama on your blog.

This blog is a hobby. Roleplay is a hobby. I'm not here to have every flaw of mine scrutinized. I will be liberal with the block button if I feel the need to.

I will generally send a reminder if we have a thread going if you haven't replied in two days or longer. If you want to drop a thread, please just tell me. I will not be mad. I just want to know, otherwise the anxiety will drive me insane.

Let me know if you need anything specific tagged. - Triggers are otherwise tagged as #Trigger/ - Please tag trypophobia, eye gore, mouth gore, and pregnancy for me.

Shipping is only done via chemistry. One sided insta crushes on your muses end are permitted, but don't force a ship on me.

I will not interact if I cannot see our muses interact for a longer period of time.

Blog will contain a LOT OF CRACK sometimes. It's the best way for me to cope with heavier thread topics. If you don't like that, you can blacklist the #Crack.; tag.

I'm too old for dumb fights over who's right and who isn't. Don't come into my inbox expecting to change my mind on drama. It will only get you blocked. - This goes both ways. I myself don't engage in pros.hip and never will, but I tolerate them on my blog so long as what they write isn't fucking illegal. But should any pros.hip person try to force their disposition on me, they will also be blocked. - If you don't like that, leave. The door exists. It's called the un/follow button.

Once again, with feeling this time: This is a hobby. Not a moral or ideological crusade.

I'm an abuse survivor, stalking survivor, grooming and child sexual harassment survivor. If you even so much as fucking dare to insinuate that I support any of that shit because I don't give a fuck if someone is pros.hip in my vague vicinity, you will get the block and never return button.

I cannot believe how many of these rules have to be about pros.hip and antis.hip, but apparently this is the world we live in now.

I know these rules sound really harsh and aggro, but I really want to make sure people understand where I stand. I've dealt with enough trauma from this website and its bullshittery, please don't make me relive it.

I promise beyond that I am a very kind and patient person. It just fucking sucks I have to be so aggressive about enforcing my rules because we can't have nice things on this hellsite.

I will never be mad if you block or unfollow me because something I write makes you uncomfortable, but if you need to talk to me about literally anything oocly (and it doesn't violate an abovementioned rule), you can always DM me. I don't bite and just want to be friends and write.

I have several mental health problems, please be patient with me.

If I like and unlike your post several times, it's not me trying to force your attention. It's me having to follow an OCD impulse. I apologize in advance.

[proxylynn]

What do you do when a scene comes to your head but it's just...a lot? Like over the top and out of pocket. But it kinda makes sense in context and it's a fully formed idea.

I don't even have a full plot or outline, but this little ball of drama is just sitting in the corner whispering "write / draw me".

[This is usually what fuels me to power through making things. It be like "this one moment has so much to it...I must build it up!" and then I proceed to drive myself insane as it consumes my brain till I get to it. The Muses can be generous...and cruel.]

[hwaightme]

hello its me again and im back!

i just got done and im AAAAAAHHHHHH so please forgive me if this seems all over the place its because it is...

also for anyone who might be reading this please read long exposure BEFORE reading this cause imma bout to spoil like there's no tomorrow beacause i loved it so much and i need to get all this excitement out somehow.

SPOILERS UNDER THIS PART

__________________________________

i didn't know it was possible for you or even for any mere mortal to top the absolute masterpiece that was Use Me… Honestly you know how much i loved use me… me??? a mingi biased??? it seemed impossible. But you didddd!!!!!! like gorllll. everything about long exposure was PERFECT

ok so first of all the setting! you set the mood so expertly right from the get go! i felt mc’s drive and passion for her job and also the admiration she had for hwa like you could feel he was her hero. and then i love how you introduced woo in the middle of this. he appears like a disgracious spot in the middle of the beautiful photograph between mc and hwa. and you feel the real switch in mc’s heart. like you can feel her resentment and i loved ittttt.

i want to ENDLESSLY praise your character development!!!!! you are so soooo soooooooo good at that! you said in the intro that everyone was toxic in this fic and it’s true but exactly like hwa’s picture they seem only black and white at first glance but all three of them are SO MUCH MORE!!! they all are a beautiful palette of grays. as i was reading i felt even if all of the characters were making the unethical/immoral decisions none of them were evil per se. none of them were unidimensional. They all had so much depthhhh!!! it’s insane!!!! Like honestly i couldn’t even bring myself to hate woo because you did such a great job at painting him through his vulnerable side. even though he was clearly the asshole here. But honestly that phone call… where he wanted to protect mc from hwa who he thought became violent that was so sweet and it made my heart ache honestly but at the same time i was sooo happy for mc to finally let go of woo because she deserved better. somehow i felt all of them deserved better. also that's just pure speculation on my part but i cant help to doubt seonghwa’s passion will pass the test of time like so many artists switching from one muse to another. because so many artists are fuel by frustration, imagination, desire and even pain, rejection. and once you touch the dream, once you grasp the unreachable and you leave the realm of possibilities then the passion turns routine and the mystery turns habit… im scared seonghwa will grow tired of mc and she will end up hurt again and im rooting for her so baddddd.

i wanted to also talk about just the way you write…. girl it’s insane it’s just pure art!!!!! like the way every single sentence flow naturally after the previous one and you paint perfectly every picture, every emotion. You articulated this triangle so well. like as a reader i connected so well with all three of them. and the way you used photography analogies and just figures of speech beautifully some passages felt like poetry!!!! like damn you’re insane for this one!!!

And that brings me right to the next thing! girl are you a shapeshifter of sumn? like everytime i read one of your pieces, you can easily pass yourself as an expert in that field. Like i read motivate me i was convinced you majored in psychology and now im like is bai a photographer too???? like you make it so real!!!!! 

and hwa speaking french here and there i was about to LOSE MY MIND!!!!! (french is my native language) like i pictured it soooo welllllll with his low and quiet voice and it got me melted into a puddle! like he was so assertive but so respectful and so just ugh perfect. and him going to Brussels!!! i was like THIS IS MY CITYYYYY!!!!! like i was so happy!!!

and girl the smutSSSS (plural what???) like the first scene with woo i loved it really gave the vibe “it feels so wrong but so right” at the same time! i love how woo knew exactly what mc was picturing and she was so parched for seonghwa’s touch that she didn’t even take the time to deny it and used him to get off to the thought of her boss. so scandalous i LIVE FOR IT!!!! and the scene with the man of the hour ??????? omg!!!! like when he asked mc to start by herself while he took the pics i was like AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH and just losing it! and then the rest i can’t even talk about because im still in my feels and yeah…

AND GORL THE ENDING!!!!!!!! the things it implies!!!!!!! i like to think the woo did it!!! i love unhappy/bad endings!! i love to see the villain win so that really was the cherry on top for me!!!! 

so yeah! this was perfect to me like everything! i loved it so much!!!! all across the board it was just 10s everywhere! 

Thank you so much for writing this!!!!!!!! im so glad i found your page!!! you write the best fics ever and you’re an absolute sweetheart <3

ILYSM <333333

Hello there I am speaking to you from the afterlife because the Seonghwa Paris live just made me feel all types of ways and I was repeatedly destroyed but ANYWAYS MY ANGEL YOU ARE THE KINDEST SWEETEST BEAUTY I CANNOT <3 <3 PLEASE This is the highest praise of all time and I am a sobbing mess on the floor…. and omg…… I am thinking back to just how my heart fluttered when you sent in your thoughts about Use Me… you know I still come back to that post? AND NOW I WILL BE LOSING OVER THIS ONE FOR ALL OF ETERNITY BECAUSE ;~; my word this is just…. this just means infinity to me. Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

It was really interesting to try and immerse myself into the photography world, as I feel like this is just such a beautiful, deep realm that very much connects with inner emotions and their expression, so I am so OVERJOYED that you felt the mood of mc and her relationships with both Seonghwa and Wooyoung! Also omg that analogy is just so brilliant - the disgracious spot… I am genuinely floored and so grateful for this!! And yes, I find that professional pursuits and the arts are just such an interesting driver, so really the fact that you found my attempts at integrating that to make sense is just making my heart sing.

I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU LIKED THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT OMG!!!!!!!!! This is something that I am constantly trying to improve upon, because I truly believe that every single individual is so multifaceted - quite literally a universe in a body, so to make someone have only one trait is… it is unjust, so with each work I try my best to learn how to deliver emotion and feelings as best as I can. I bow to you… your words are an infinite motivation and inspiration, and really make me want to continue on this beautiful journey that is writing and reading and appreciating the world itself. Thank you. And not me ceasing to breathe for a second when you said the 'beautiful palette of grays' - I am legit tearing up…. One of my favourite quotes of all time is from Sir William Shakespeare's Hamlet, which is "there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so", and so I want to try my best to make even the one who is initially an antagonist, or portrayed to be one, to have their reasons, their rationality, their own heart (how you describe the personality and decision-making that Woo has here is just…. I am…. I am speechless because this is making me overwhelmed in the best way, I am so grateful). Also, the point you make about Seonghwa, it is just sending me into such a wondrous spiral of ideating what this world in Long Exposure could become and be - as you say, there really is the risk of him moving on - he is a chaser, he wants to capture what cannot be captured, and while it is a permanent frustration it is what drives him, and here he is, with the world in his hands…. and what would that mean for the future? Can this artist, this visionary, this innovator live with reality when he wishes to invent his own?

I am currently SPEECHLESS… really I am stunned…. coming from such a gifted writer (seriously, I reread your work - Partition at least three times) this is just beyond what I could ever hope for. I know I am saying thank you in every sentence but really…. again, to quote Shakespeare, this time taking from Twelfth Night: "I can no other answer make but thanks, And thanks; and ever thanks". The triangle was definitely an experiment for me, since before Long Exposure I have mainly (if not completely) focused on singular pairings with low 'romantic conflict' if you will, so this is just so unbelievably encouraging, and I am going insane from your kind words ;~;

AHAHAHAH I am lowkey obsessed with researching different careers and professions, because seriously… there is so much cool stuff out there, everything has such amazing intricacy and the little things that make a job are just so beautiful… I want to try my best to do this justice, so I am so happy that you enjoy my little deep dives <3 And ahem…. not me… being um… inspired by you O_O because this was around the time when you were talking about the Brussels concert and were posting about your experiences…. Anyways imma just hide right now ahah ily <3 (also not Seonghwa saying a few words in French during the live!?!!? SWOON)

EHEH INDEED THE PLURAL; Genuinely the first scene had me… thinking thoughts as I was typing it ahah - exactly as you say, "it feels so wrong but so right" ahah; so much for Wooyoung trying to sculpt MC in to what he wanted to see, only for her to envision someone completely different. Slowly but surely, Woo disappeared from her viewfinder (due to his own… interesting decisions)… AAAH I am so so honoured that you enjoyed the second scene~ really it was interesting to figure out how to blend photography and intimacy, considering that really… in many ways this is what Seonghwa is trying to express but is the first time it is done so explicitly… AND GUUURL I AM IN MY FEELS RN!!!!

I am a sucker for ambiguous, open endings ahah, it may be cruel so very sorry ahah but I am so so glad that you liked it!!! EXACTLY WHO KNOWS WHAT IF WOOYOUNG PULLED A "OH YOU ARE NOT MINE? THEN YOU CANNOT BE ANYBODY ELSE'S EITHER";

Again, you are stunning, you are perfection, you give me all the serotonin and dopamine and I feel so truly blessed. Thank you so much, I love you 3000 and I AM SO UNBELIEVABLY GRATFUL THAT I HAVE MET YOU AND HAVE THE PLEASURE OF SPEAKING WITH YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU TALENTED, KIND ANGEL ILYSM!!!! MUCH LOVE AND BIGGEST HUGS <3333333333

[firelord-frowny]

MY MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND

not to sound arrogant and call myself a ~great writer~ lmfao (even though i ammmmm) but WOW a great writer’s mind works in a totally reverse order sometimes omggggg! 

so i’ve got this character. Pleiades. Extremely gifted in the arts. brilliant philosopher. could definitely be a major force in the development of fine art, but has always failed to live up to her potential, and she hates herself for being so physically weak. none of her talents mean anything to her because she’s weak. can’t open a jar. can’t move heavy objects. can’t fight back against an aggressor. can’t protect herself or anyone else from any physical threat. her fixation on weakness and her fixation on her desire to be strong seems absurd. she’s bereft over it. 

in my head, it’s for no particular reason. it’s just the way she is. 

so, i’m writing a bunch of scenes from various points in her life. 

get to a scene where she’s back in her childhood home at the library of alexandria where her parents work as researchers/scholars/etc, and where she used to work and study as a musician and artist.

almost as soon as she arrives, her behavior becomes bizarre. panic attacks over the slightest criticism. suddenly terrified of performing in front of anyone. she finds herself at the mercy of her old teacher who oversees the music department. she doesn’t really remember it, but this teacher was a psychological nightmare of an emotional abuser. jerked her around. praised her for something on one day, and then scolded her for the same thing the very next day. forced her into opportunities she wasn’t prepared for and then punished her for failing. gaslit her. told her what a disappointment she was, called her arrogant, lazy, berates her for always half-assing everything she does, threatens to dismiss her from the department because she’s just not living up to the required standards. and then tells her how much she loves her and that she’ll never abandon her and that she’s the most gifted student she’s ever had. 

it drives pleiades fucking crazy, but she absolutely has no idea. all she knows is that she feels worthless and wants to die.

So now she’s back at Alexandria. sees her old teacher. old teacher expresses such joy to see her. gushes to all her colleagues about her. talks her up as being the best student she’s ever had. a prodigy. a legend. a Muse in flesh and blood. And she invites Pleaides to be featured in a seminar where distinguished musicians present new techniques they’ve been developing. Pleiades is thrilled. 

the day before the seminar is due to take place, Pleiades has a mild disagreement with her teacher about something, and the teacher turns on a dime and takes her off the program, accusing her of being too difficult, too moody, too arrogant, to unpredictable, too unstable. your new techniques aren’t that special, anyway. i was wrong to trust you to live up to your potential. you never did before, so i was a fool to expect you to be able to do it now. what a disgrace. i’m ashamed to even have people know that you used to study with me. 

she has a breakdown. screaming, crying, breaking things. she shatters some glass and walks all over the shards. a physician has to be called in to give her a sedative so she’ll calm down. 

while she’s knocked out, the physician explains to her companion that ‘this kind of behavior is nothing new for Pleiades. she’s always been prone to self-harm.’ 

the physician then describes past incidents where Pleiades would scream for hours on end in her room, throwing herself at the walls over and over again with such force that she’d be black and blue with bruises and swelling. 

but what nobody knew, because nobody ever bothered to ask, is that she wasn’t just throwing herself at the walls out of sheer insanity. 

she was trying to break the door down because she was locked in. 

her parents used to seal her in her room as punishment when her teacher would report that she’s not doing well enough in her studies. and these lock-ins almost always happened when she was supposed to be participating in some sort of esteemed event where she’d be featured as a master of her craft. 

so she’d ram at the door, trying to get out. but she wasn’t strong enough. 

and every time she rams into that door, she recalls a time where she once tried to hide behind that very same locked door from someone who intended to hurt her, and that person busted right in. 

she’s not strong enough to free herself, but other people are strong enough to breach the barrier that’s supposed to keep her safe. If only she was strong, she could have saved herself in both kinds of scenarios.

FULL CIRCLE!

Literally none of this was on my mind when I arbitrarily decided that she has a fixation on her physical strength. And when I was writing these scenes, I had absolutely no conscious awareness that it would tie in so seamlessly with that character trait that I picked at random. 

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow.