#so once again for Matthew and Ashley in the back

[lavenderbexlatte]

day 20 - daddy kink

kard 1.6k words female reader insert Reader x Matthew Kim (BM) NSFW

🖤 warnings: size difference, massive embarrassment, active destigmatizing of your local fave kinks, matthew has a big dick bc of course he does, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, i fucking love this man 🖤

🎂 happy matthew day~

kinktober masterlist

connect with me! / masterlist

"It was just a joke, right?"

Matthew glances over from the passenger's seat, lounging as comfortably as he can in your relatively small ride. He's so tall, he has the seat slid back as far as possible, which is why he doesn't drive your car, like, ever. Mess up your mirrors and everything.

"What?" he asks.

"A joke. What you said, at Ashley's house."

"What part?"

You frown at the road. You'd thought that it would be less embarrassing to ask him about this while you're busy, so you don't have to look at him and face it head-on, but he's still pushing your buttons.

"The part when I wanted another drink and you got up to get it and you said..."

Matthew is looking at you, calm and expectant behind his sunglasses, but you can't even say it. Your stomach twists, and you don't think it's in a bad way, which makes all of this even worse. An awakening of this kind isn't supposed to happen at your boyfriend's college friend's house during a baseball game kickback.

"Daddy's got it?" Matthew finishes, with the worst shit-eating grin.

Yes. That.

You're white-knuckling the steering wheel at this point.

"Yeah, baby, I was joking," he says.

"Okay."

That's that, then. He was joking, which means you should absolutely try to forget the way that you'd reacted when he said it.

Which was embarrassing, but it was also...something. You're a grown adult, you've had your share of experiences, heard and seen your share of lewd and suggestive things. But nothing that you can recall has floored you so instantly, so completely, so unexpectedly, as Matthew casually using that nickname to refer to himself.

It was a dropped-jaw, blank-head kind of moment. He's got dudebro energy, and he's the smallest bit protective, but mostly Matthew is polite and thoughtful and mild-mannered. So this...

"That really stuck with you, huh?" he says.

"Not really," you lie.

Matthew hums, clearly disbelieving. "I dunno, you wouldn't've said anything if it was no big."

"It just surprised me."

Worst of all is the way it surprised no one else. Ashley, sitting right in the next chair, didn't even blink, and you're absolutely sure she heard it. Joan just rolled her eyes, and Somin's sharp gaze stayed on the TV.

You, however. Your stomach dropped. And a little farther south, well...

"Y'know what I think?"

You're in for it now. "What?"

"I think you liked it, a lil bit."

Or a lot.

You manage to escape answering as you pull into the parking lot of your building, and navigate the tight parking spots. But once the car doors are locked and Matthew is following you into the elevator up to your unit, he starts in again.

"Well?"

He's tall, and broad, and he's using it to his advantage, leaning over you against the wall of the elevator, caging you in.

"Well?" you repeat.

"Didn't answer me."

You grin up at him. "I forget the question."

"Brat," he says fondly, and oh no. "Did you like it?"

"I mean. Maybe?"

"Whatchu mean, maybe?"

You shrug as best you can against the wall. "Just maybe. You really surprised me."

"So you wouldn't be mad if I keep doing it, huh?"

You should know better than to try to play cool with him. The elevator reaches your floor, and you dart under his arm and out the door. Running away is useless, all some kind of game, but you're flustered, and you need a second to think about this.

He keeps talking his way down the hall behind you. "Cuz, like, I think it's kinda hot."

"Oh?" you murmur, unlocking the apartment door.

"Yeah, y'know." He raises his eyebrows, wags them. "Daddy."

Goddamnit, he said it again.

Your shoes and jacket get way more attention than they need, as you put them away and try not to immediately fall to pieces at the idea that Matthew wants you to call him daddy and you are completely on board, who are you, what's happening-

"Wouldn't mind that," he says.

"You..." you falter. "You want me...I mean, I could..."

There are two completely equal and opposite factions of your brain fighting it out, right now: one that wants to shut this down and forget it ever happened lest you die of embarrassment, and one that's already decided this is the best day of your life.

Matthew doesn't reply to that. Not with words, anyway.

He heads for your room, as you fuss with the way your jacket hangs, sending you a grin and a wave.

"What are you doing?" you ask.

His answer has your stomach dropping. "Come with Daddy and you'll find out."

This is happening, isn't it?

Your bedroom door clicks shut, and you're left standing in the living room like some kind of idiot. An idiot, because your super hot boyfriend is in there with a sexy new game to play, and you're out here fixing the cuffs and buttons on your jacket.

It would be equally as embarrassing as everything else tonight to admit that you're running to the bedroom, but you're running to the bedroom.

Inside, Matthew is lounging on your bed, changed and cozy and topless. His jeans swapped out for the spare sweats he keeps here, his usual hat and sunglasses discarded, his rib tattoo on display, he looks comfortable and mouth-wateringly good.

"Hey," he says.

He's scrolling on his phone, but he smiles as you come in and shut the door behind you.

"I'm gonna get changed," you say.

"Gonna admit you wanna play, too?" Matthew asks.

That smile has turned playful, his tongue between his teeth.

"Yeah."

"Oh, yeah?"

You return your top to the closet carefully, undressing piecemeal and buying yourself as much time as you can. "Yeah."

"Then come to Daddy."

It's instantaneous, the way you absolutely throb at his words. Butterflies in your stomach, you suspect that your panties are going to be in quite the state when you finally get down to them.

"You can't just say things like that!" you complain.

"Why not?"

"It's embarrassing."

"How's it embarrassing?" he asks, arms crossed behind his head up against the headboard. "You like it, I like it, let's go."

"It just is."

"You're makin' things hard for yourself. Don't be so high-strung, baby."

Dressed again in an oversized pajama shirt and undies - you were correct, they're soaked, and you're doomed - there's no choice but to join Matthew on the bed. He opens his arms to you, but as you go to settle yourself into his side, he redirects you onto his lap, instead. It's still secure, still nice, but much more confrontational, as he winds his arms around your waist and makes you look at him.

"Ain't it more fun to just admit you wanna try something?" he asks.

"I guess." You hate when he's right.

"Say it," he teases.

"Say what?"

"It."

"It," you repeat.

He squeezes your sides under his hands. "Not what I meant."

You know what he meant, but you're not about to just...say it.

Matthew doesn't seem to mind your hesitation, though, because he just kisses you. Hot, and dirty, tongue at the seam of your lips, holding you fast against his lap, taking his sweet time with it.

"I getcha," he says. "It needs to be natural, right, baby? You gotta wanna say it."

He's right about this too, you realize, as you consider it. But you do want to. You're embarrassed, yes, but the bone-deep feeling of want is there. This is something you want.

You just put your t-shirt on, but he's got it off you again in an instant. Easy come, easy go.

"I can feel you, y'know," Matthew murmurs.

You know what he means, but he says it anyway.

"You're gonna soak through my sweats. Hot 'n bothered, huh?"

"A little," you agree.

"Stop holdin' back," he teases.

His mouth returns, this time to your throat, where he bites down enough to make you yelp. Matthew is a lot stronger than you, and usually he's careful not to use that physical advantage too much, out of fairness and safety, but tonight he doesn't seem to care. He drags you forward a little, into him, settling you right over the bulge in his sweatpants.

"D'you want this?"

"Now you're the one holding back," you say.

He laughs, even as he bites down again, at your collarbone this time. He tweaks one of your nipples, just to hear the sound you make.

"Fine," he says, "You want Daddy's cock?"

Your punched-out moan at that one makes him laugh again.

"Imma take that as a yes."

"It's a yes," you assure him.

"Then say it."

You still can't quite say it, but that doesn't stop Matthew.

One strong arm around your back, he turns the two of you over, settling you on your back on the mattress, careful to get your head on your pillow and your thighs spread wide for him. Careful, accommodating. Taking care. Kind of definitely filling the role of-

"You gotta say it if you want it," he tells you.

His sweatpants are gone, and his boxers are gone, which makes your sticky-wet panties the last layer between the two of you.

"I know you can. I know you want it."

He's well-endowed to the point of absolute comic insanity, and you're grinding against him for just a moment of stimulation. Matthew presses another kiss to your lips, sweet this time, before dipping back down to drag your panties down your legs and off.

"Any time now."

You're practically panting. "I want..."

Matthew drags his length against you, agonizing.

"I want - fucking shit - I want...Daddy's cock."

"Good girl," he praises.

Your reward is the smooth, hot press of his cockhead inside you, the thick slide of the rest of him following. He groans. You arch into him, hands going to his shoulders, nails digging into his skin.

"C'mon, baby. Daddy wants to hear you."

[grigori77]

Critical Role, Campaign 3 Episode 91

A long episode with an ominous title ... yeah, this can't bode well at all ...

Sam's a cat again. Great ... oh, Taliesin's a mouse? Of course he is. This is more like it ... Travis is loving this already ... ah, short but sweet, definitely ... oh yeah, I totally agree with Ashley, massive Donnie Darko vibes ... XD

Liam: "I want Sam and Tal to reenact that scene from The Shining." Um ... okay? O.O

So, picking up right where we left off, then ... chaos, and LOTS of craziness, with VERY heavy implications ...

Oh, so Liliana is HUNTING, now? For them in particular? Or just ... ANYTHING? Hmmm ...

Yes, SHUSH, Pate! You're REALLY loud right now ...

Chetney-wolf: "Hold onto my tail! Tighter!" Stop it, Travis ... XD

This is going to be a complicated getaway, clearly ...

PANIC!!! Great ... how long is it gonna be before they get spotted? CAN THEY get away from this?

Mystics? Crap ... "a Murder of Mystics" ... yeah ...

A little on-the-run healing and repair work ...

Balls, good point ... yeah, they have NO IDEA where they are or where they're going ... and now Ashley's cocking dice all over the place ... O.O

Oh, this can't be good ...mystical shenanigans ... FUCK!!! Invisibility is now GONE!!! Shit! Oh this is SO FUCKING BAD ...

PLEASE don't tell me they just lost their Telepathic Bond too ... oh for the love of the GODS, Matthew, you cruel bastard ... NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOO!!!

Hide! Just fucking HIDE, people!

Wow ... Taliesin rolled amazing, but Sam and Ashley rolled BALLS on Stealth ... that's so bad ... oh shit, and now they've got GLoamglut RIGHT ABOVE THEM!!! Ouch ... does it see them? Oh no, Fearne, PLEASE do not try to PET the fucking thing!

Marisha: "There are no dumb ideas in D&D!" Are you SERIOUS? OF COURSE there are!

AAAAAAAAAND now they're blown ... good one, Fearne! Now they're coming down ...

Ashton, WHAT THE FUCK are you doing? Oh, that's right, HE IS still in his powered state ... 32 points of damage on the wall? Holy fuck ... oh yeah, that's just a FANTASTIC distraction/escape ... nice! Just run. RUN!!!

Another wall? Oh yeah ... BOOM!!! Ashton's just a demolition MACHINE right now ...

NOW he's knocking down a building they're not even going into ... bit overly much for cover, isn't it? Jeeze, Ashton ... STOP ENCOURAGING THIS, Matthew!

Oh yeah, they're TOTALLY broadcasting their location now ...

Seriously, just HIDE while you got cover, seriously ...

Crap, Dex saves for the three of them? O.O ... oh hell, what's that fucking Fay dragon gonna do? Darkfire? Oh hell ... whoa, 16 points is HALF damage? Ow ...

Oh, NOW Imogen's casting Invisibility? Yes, do that ...

Evoroa gives directions ... yes, good move ... do that now!

Quart mile away? No, HALF of that? Hmmm ...

Back to the panicked chase ... RUN RUN RUN!!!

Can they fit through that? Ashton's going under, apparently ... just SQUEEZE guys ... yeah, shquish in those fantastic tits and that luscious butt, Fearne! Crap, it's coming again! I hate that fucking dragon!

Oh wow, the Sorrowlord speaks! He knows she's here! Crap!

Pass Without a Trace! Finally!

Fearne: "Do we need to cut off your wheels?" FCG: "127 hours!" Cue sawblade startup whir ...

Wow, Zathuda is actually MONOLOGUING ... Fearne: "Can you say all that again?" LOL ...

Fungus? Great ... Annihilation? Cool ...

"Pussy in Bio"? Nice flask nonsense this time, Samuel ...

PEG IT!!! Once it's clear, anyway ...

Polymorph, yes ... a "moon thing"? Hmmmm ... so she turns FCG into a Slither ... okay ... and then she Wildshapes into one too ... okay, get tunneling guys!

Ah, yes ... where ARE THEY going?

A Survival roll? Oh boy ... 28? Nice one, Ashley! Heading back towards their exit, then ...

And so back to the others ...

A Wisdom save IMMEDIATELY? Fuck, Matthew ... 15? Hmm ... wait, THAT'S not good enough? Shit! O.O

Laudna: "You're not like a sleeper agent, are you?" No, really, please don't even put that karma OUT THERE!

The Sprawl Grotto? Cool ...

Yeah, they don't know WHERE they're going right now ...

Bronze fountain! OKay ... oh hell, what's THIS shit?

And now they're very effectively TRAPPED. Great ... is this them SPECIFICALLY, or just general? Oh, it's DEFINITELY for them ... not good ...

SHIT!!! LIliana is now RIGHT ABOVE THEM ... "Did ... you ... KNOW?!!!"

Is Imogen REALLY gonna try and bluff this? Wow ...

Oh, so she has been THROUGH IT ...

The locket? Oooooh ... O.O

Can she talk her down? Get through to her somehow? COME ON ... Persuasion roll? Oh boy ... 16? Whoa ... um ... is that enough?

Wait ... DID THAT just work?

Yeah, just RUN ...

Oh, for fuck's sake ... NOW what? Damn it, more mystics? Crap ... oh yeah, they're proper BUSTED ... crap, this is the ACTUAL Weave Mind?

Oh, so this MIGHT be an illusion? Hmmm ...

Hold on, are they doing something to Chet? Crazy werewolf shit? Crap ... and Travis totally fails that save ... O.O ... bollocks, this is so bad ... Sam: "Quick! Distract them with a toy!"

Liam: "If we keep making these jokes for 30 minutes we won't have to deal with this problem!" LOL

Orym is choosing NOW to invoke Nana Morri ... oh boy ...

What just happened?

Nothing immediately around, but they're in the area ... just GO. Right now, just FUCKING GO. RIGHT NOW.

Back to the Burrowers ...

It's oh so quiet ... that CANNOT be good ... yeah, just BOOK IT ... nuts, more mystics ...

Oh, they FOUND THEM? Okay ... yeah, just FOLLOW THEM!!! Quick!

Going up? Yes, seems the smart way to go.

Yeah, they DO NOT speak Slither ... aaaaand they're finally back together ... in the most ridiculous way possible ... XD

Yeah, sending a merssage to the Volition would probably be the smart move right now ... maybe they could send somebody to find you ...

So, where to go now?

Imogen Sends to Rashinna ... so the safehouse is out ... hmmm ... so they're just going to have to find alternative digs ...

OOh ... yeah, do that! A giant mole sounds so cool ... like that one in City of Ember! O.O That'd be sweet ...

FCG's still a Slither? Oh boy ...

Crap! What's this? Oh no, what the fuck ... PLEASE don't be fucking Otohan! No ... NO!!! Fuck ... that bitch is SO FUCKING CLOSE now ... hell ... JUST RUN, guys!

Ashton pops up out the ground and SMACKS THE ROOF OF THE TUNNEL with his hammer once they're through ... smart and sweet ... oh fuck ... you mean he COULD collapse the whole thing? Thankfully not ... phew!

Bollocks, Otohan is COMING!!! Fuck ...

RUN!!! JUST FUCKING RUN!!!

Crap ... SHE'S FOUND THEM!!! They're in deep shit ... AND NOW he chooses to call a break? Seriously? Matthew!

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck ... and now he's producing a Battlemap ... AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! Cut Wizzkids plug! Also FUCK!!!

Fuck me ... is the rest of this episode JUST gonna be combat? Gods no ... I'm not ready for this ...

ROLL INITIATIVE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

So ... Orym's up first ... he slips between her leags and turns round to attack her fancy backpack ... OKAY!!! A Crit! Go, wee man! 38 points of damage! Yeah! Another hit! Yeah! ANOTHER Crit! Sweet! 25 points ... anmd she's Hexed too ... nice ...

Legendry Action? Crap ... Telekinetic Control? Fuck ... and even with Indomitable Orym can't resist it ... she flings him like a ragdoll! Ouch!

Laudna unleashes her Hellhoud because she is FURIOUS right now! Yeah ... FCG names the pooch Caviar? Cute ... now she Banes Otohan ... goody!

Otohan dashes off ... giving the Hellhound an attack of opportunity ... which fails ... crap! She attacks Chetney ... oof ... 27 points of slashing damage! Ow! Plus the Psionic knocks him prone ... another 16 points with additional Force? Argh ... and another 13 plus 9 more ... AND another hit? 13 plus 10! Fuck ... he is BARELY alive now ... O.O

fuck, and she has ANOTHER attack with an offhand weapon? Fuck ... ACTION SURGE?!!! Matthew NO!!! PLEASE don't do this! Silvery Barbs from Laudna ... which fails? Shit! Fuck ... and now he's OUT!!! She keeps hitting him, 2 IMMEDIATE Death Saves ... argh ...

Fuyck ... she just straight MURDERED him ... LAST WORDS? What the fuck?

Sweet fuck ... CHETNEY'S FUCKING DEAD?!!! Are you serious, Matt?

Now she's going after Fearne? FUCK!!! No ... and now SHE'S on the ground too ... fuck!

Ashton pops up out of the ground RIGHT IN FRONT of Fearne to block the coming attack ... he swings at her with the hammer ... "Gosh, you got a punchable fucking face!" 23 points of damage and he knocks her back HARD ... Density Well? OKay ... he batters a nearby platform and knockd it RIGHT ONTO HER ... YES!!! She sort of dodges so it's just a glancing hit ... he's monochrome now ...

Otohan rushes Imogen ...

Fearne is FURIOUS about Chetney as she flames on like the Human Torch! Nice! Oh, nice fiery Fearne mini, Matt! O.O She comes in right behind the bitch ...

Oh, so Otohan's like doing MONK SHIT? Fuck ...

FCG goes to Chetney's corpse and casts Revivify at 7th Level ... please ... please please PLEASE let this work ... come on, Changebringer! Come thorugh in clutch ... please ... YES!!! THE WOLFMAN IS ALIVE AGAIN!!! Thank fuck ...

Caviar! Attack! Kill this bitch, you wonderful Hellhoud! 19 MISSES? Seriously? Fuck ...

Otohan attacks Imogen ... 14 points of Force damage ... she gets knocked BACK but not down, at least ...

Imogen Telkinetically grabs the backpack and tries to tear it right off her ... oh wow ... and it WORKS!!! Oh yes! Let's go! She pounds it into the ceiling and smashes it to fuck! BEAUTIFUL!!! She grabs her hand and casdts Shocking Grasp ... go go go ... 14 points of damage! Yes!

Orym Misty Steps to her and pulls a Bat & Switch with Imogen, then takes a swing ... NAT20!!! YEAH!!! 23 points of slashing damage! Then 14 points! A Crit! 28 points! VENGEANCE!!! YES!!! Go wee man!

Laudna drops a 5th Level Blight on the bitch ... oh fuck, Legendary RESISTANCE? Damn it ... whoa ... 51 damage? Even halved that is SWEET ... Eldritch Blast! Yeah! Hit! Hit! And another hit! SWEET!!! 13 damage, then 15, then another 15! YEAH!!!

Now Otohan goes for Imogen again? Oh for fuck's sake ... thankfully she fails miserably ... second hits though ... ouch ... Orym to the rescue! Nice defence! And Silvery Barbs from Laudna! Yes ...

She keeps going for Imogen ... she is just POURING the hurt on ... and now she's going for Orym? Hmmm ...

Three way attack of opportunity? Fearne CRITS IT!!! Nice! 16 damage! Yeah ... Orym gbets another 22 on her ...

Now she goes for Laudna ... just hits her Mirror instead ... and the second ... and the third ... but then gets her with a CRIT!!! Oof ... 14 slashing and 12 Force damage ... ow ... and she's knocked down ...

Chetney shakes off the rust ... as he flanks he Misty Steps to Imogen and pours a healt potion into her for 12 points back, then slopes back away to safety ...

Ashton powers up as close as he can to Otohan, then holds until she gets into range ...

Otohan uses anothe Legendary Action to attack Laudna ... 10 points of slahsing damage and 18 of Force ... ow ...

Fearne casts 6th Level Blight on her ... gah, only half? 39, down to 18 ... fuck's sake ... it's STARTING to take a toll, but still ...

She's going for Laudna AGAIN?!!! Fuck ...

FCG rolls towards Orym, then pulls a mass Cure Wounds on everyone. ALL OF THEM get 23 points back except himself ...

Caviar attacks again and it's another miss ... crap!

Imogen gets up AGAIN and hurls a Psychic Lance at her ... a Nat20 on her save? Are you FUCKING KIDDING? Argh ... 30 points halved to 15 ... nuts ... so so tries to Telekinetically Push her towards Ashton ... but it fails ... crap ...

Orym tries to jump on top of her and slash down into her ... it hits! Yeah! 9 points, then a Crit ... 18! Third misses, though ... then he backs off to give Ashton room to attack ... she gets an attack of opportunity ... OUCH!!! 16 slashing and 10 Force damage ... shit ...

Why does she KEEP attacking Laudna?

Destroy this bitch, Laudna! HUnger of the Shadow Shard? Oh sweet ... wait ... WHAT? That doesn't work? COME ON, Matthew! Argh ... so she Quickens a 5th Level Hunger ... which HITS ... 48 damage on this bitch! Yeah ...

Oh, she's FLARING? Fuck ... Exultant's Fury? Double fuck ...

But now she's been pulled into Ashton's Gravity Well and he attacks ... 23 plus 2 of fire damage! POW!!!

But now it's HER turn ... she goes for Ashton ... and hits him ... ow ... twice ... AND ANOTHER? Fucking hell ... I can't believe he's still up ... wait, he has Erratic Defence? Okay ... so he slams her right into the wall! Nice ...

She retreats ... and attack Imogen while she does it? Fuck ... Imogens's knocked down ... AND she gets an Action Surge? What? FCG takes half of the damage, BARELY saving her from going out right there ... second hit takes her out, though ... FUCK!!! Now she's going for Chetney instead ...

FUCK ME, CHetney's out AGAIN?!!! Un-fucking-FAIR!!!

Now she's going for FCG ...

Top of the round ... come on Ashton ... he charges her flat out while charging up ... Nat20 on the first hit! Yes! Chaos Burst ... 64 points of damage in a single hit? Wow ... how is she STILL UP?

Otohan goes for FCG ...

Fearne pulls Scorching Rays on her ... fuck ... that doesn't work out HALF as well as we'd expect ... wait, she's FIRE RESISTANT? FUCK!!!

She attacks Letters ... and he's OUT!!! Fuck! Death save ... 19 ... oh thank fuck ...

Wow ... Caviar is just COMPLETELY BALLS on this fight, isn't he?

Imogen Crits her Death Save ... SHE'S AWAKE again! Oh thank fuck ...

Orym picks himself up and draws Seedling, using it to pull himself to Ashton, bouncing off him to attack her ... first attack misses ... second hits ... 12 slashing damage ... next hits ... eight damage ...

Laudna casts Wither & Bloom at 3rd Level to get FCG up again ... spends a sorcery point to quicken qnd pours 12 Necrotic damage points into Otohan ... quckens again, pours an Eldritch Blast into her ... two hits one miss ... 16 damage altogether, halved to 8 ... oof ...

Otohan goes for Orym ... fuck, she is just KILLING It tonight and I hate it ... Orym is BARELY UP right now ... wait ... where the fuck ... she just DRANK A SUPERIOR HEALING POTION?!!! Son of a bitch! 66 POINTS BACK?!!! Fucking hell ...

Chetney succeeds his second Death save ...

Legendary attack on Fearne ... gods fucking DAMN IT ...

Ashton attacks ... first hit is a CRIT!!! 46 points of damage! Yeah ... next hit is a miss? Fuck ... what, is that ALL he can do? Shit ...

She hits him right back ... FUCK!!!

Fearne casts Aura of Life ... it helps, i guess ... zand there's NOTHING ELSE she can do ... O.O

Otohan hits HER ... nasty hit ... but she's got Armour of Agathys, so she burns her right back ... but Aura of Life is GONE ... fuck ... as if she NEVER cast it ...

FCG flips his coin and asks "Run or fight?" Hmmmm ... it lands on its side? Interesting ... so he casts a mass Cure Wounds ... 23 points back to everybody but Fearne ... and now his mood has turned RED?!!! Fucking hell ... so he's gone berserk again ...

Caviar tanks YET ANOTHER FUCKING ATTACK ... oh my GODS why is the Hellhound even OUT?

Imogen casts Sending to her mother ... REALLY?!!! Fucking hell ... and she's COMING?!!! Wow ... mothering instinct is STRONG. Otherwise there is NOTHING she can do right now ... so she's just gonna continue to play dead? Nuts ...

Orym is in shitty condition but pushes through ... makes an attack, small hit ... he's barely hanging in on this fight ... fuck ... so he downs a potion on the bonus action? Okay ...

Laudna casts Phantasmal Force to make Otohan see Liliana coming in to FUCK HER UP?!!! Wow ... and the bitch RESISTS IT ... shit ... that was almost so cool ... so she just Eldritch Blasts her instead ... a hit and a Crit ... 7 on the hit ... she Empowers the Crit ... 11 altogether ... not spectacular but it chips away at her ...

She attacks Orym ... and he's DOWN ... FUCK!!! Next on Fearne ... Shield protects her! Yes! So she goes for Ashton instead ... now an Action Surge on him too? Fucking hell ... and he's ALMOST down except that he's RAGING so he keeps 1 hit point ... fuck ... but her next takes HIM down too ... FUCKING HELL!!!

She attacks Imogen while she's down ... Deception Check? OMG ... barely makes it through ...

Is there ANYTHING Chetney can do? He pulls out Turmoil and casts Shatter ... 19 points of Thunder damage ... and that's all he wrote ... fuck ...

Now she attacks FCG ...

Fearne cuts her off and inflicts 48 points of damage on her ...

She attacks FCG again ... he is BARELY alive at this point and completely insane right now ...

FCG casts Guiding Bolt ... on HIMSELF?!!! Fucking hell ... what the fuck is he DOING? He's self-destructing? What the hell, Sam? Oh, this sounds SO BAD ... is this genuinely going to DESTROY him if he does this?

Oh my gods he is genuinely making a fucking MEAL out of this self-sacrifice ...

Fuck me ... is Matt CRYING? Wow ... whoa ... EVERYBODY IS LENDING HIM DICE to do this ... O.O ... what the epic FUCK, Sam? Oh my fuck that is A LOT of rolls ...

79 damage ...

Sam's description of FCG's death is BEAUTIFUL in the most heartbreaking way possible ... his eyes go white again? Oh my fucking gods ...

Otohan is RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ... holy fuck, she is DEAD ... and so is Letters ... oh my fucking gods I don't believe it ... what the fuck, Samuel?

Holy shit, the whole table is just IN SHOCK right now ...

Just like the rest of the party ... slowly they start to pick themselves and each other up ... those who are down are nursedc back enough to get them on their feet ...

IS THERE anything left of FCG? Ashton finds the coin ... Chetney collects Otohan's backpack ...

They throw what's left of Otohan in the Hole.

Ashton POUNDS an exit into the wall with his fists. They're on the surface again ... and here comes Liliana ... she can already tell they just lost someone ...

So is she with THEM now?

That's it for the night ...

Fuck ... we're all exhausted and completely devastated and SO FUCKING SAD ... oh my gods ... seriously though, NOW what?

[pandorafallz]

Vampire AU | New histories and in sights

News of the spirit tree did spread between the camps in the few days that passed and Jake was well aware of those for it and those less willing to try it out and it became a discussion over the radio of who was going and when (based on Mo’at’s availability) and the aftermath of the connection which would upset the camp’s balance until people had adapted to the new connection.

Morgan, Bree, Kim, Jerome, Kendra, Ashley, Harper, Zane, Zeke, and Xavier were straight off the bat interested in connecting to Eywa (those with avatars would go there in human forms for their native bodies to adapt)

Eliza, Maria, Danielle, Kung, and Matthew all were disinterested in connection. The rest, Wei, Sean, Marcus, Will, Ming, and Austin were willing to connect but would wait until another time to do so, very casual about it. Nadine was the only one who wanted to go but was unwilling to enter the cave system to get there. Moran wanted to as well but had concerns with compatibility with his cranial implants that lived under his skin.

A mixed bag of cats but Jake was glad to see so many humans were willing to try it out and see. One day, those disinterested would connect. The hot springs were still a hit, despite the initial mood-killer but Jake had taken the time to visit again the next day (and to properly wash the human clothes from his camp) in a far better mood which really helped restore the caves for him.

Jake’s attention turned up to Ruby as her tail once again thumped irritably against his back occupied in gently spinning together at Hometree. The slight recoil was the only indication he was being softly struck since he was human today. “You okay, Ruby?” he decided to ask after the third time.

“Hm? Oh yes.” Ruby nodded. “It’s…nothing.” Her tone wavered a little.

Jake eyed her expression for a moment, noting the pull between her eyebrows and her… lack of concentration on her actual work as she spun her fibres. Working on auto.

“If you want to talk, I’m about or Mo’at. I heard she took Bree and Zeke down to the caves to connect to Eywa this morning and let them rest up quietly in her den.” Jake offered.

Ruby paused, expression turning frustrated. “I wish she allowed me to go down today.”

“You know why.” Jake said softly, “I’m… I know I don’t get why and I won’t ask but… I think Mo’at probably needs to understand why you need to feel Eywa’s love so intently.”

Uncertainty lingered in Ruby’s yellow eyes. “It’s… complicated.”

“I figured as much but… Mo’at is doing her best to try and help humans. She’d been helping Nadine with her PTSD from the wars and had been learning how humans interact by learning from us. She is the spiritual leader and a healer for a reason. She could help you if you let her. I can try if you want.”

Ruby chewed her lip for a moment before she set the spindle down and stared at him for a moment in quiet contemplation as she clearly weighed the options. “Zane’s at camp so… I can’t bring him along for emotional support. I can… I’m willing to trust you to not spill what I say to Mo’at, right?”

“You have my confidence,” Jake promised because… he hoped this was a good step for Ruby to evolve. To reach out to someone else and while he wasn’t the brightest person, he’d be someone that they could rely on.

Ruby nodded and gestured softly as a means of asking to pick him up. Jake nodded, raising his arms and settling his arm onto her shoulder and she grabbed his chair with her other hand.

Up the spiral, the den was quiet, the familiar bowls with fire in to light up the space, Mo’at was tending to Kim’s pregnant belly, carefully feeling the bump with expertise and Eliza was off to the side with a tablet and ultra-sound, examining what looked like a scan of the babies.

Bree was there, sitting up against the wall but drawing in her sketchbook a little listless but focused nonetheless. Zeke on the other hand was conked out asleep and it looked like someone had drawn a moustache and monocle on his mask. Probably Bree.

“<Your children feel healthy. Their tsalnu sacs seemed to have separated fully from each other which will is good. You’ll be able to birth them separately and safely. That is why your belly has grown a little.>” Mo’at spoke, sparing a second to the scan Eliza had to be certain.

Kim let out a sigh of relief. “<That’s a relief.>”

“<You’ll have a little over two months before you deliver.>” Mo’at carried on, “<It will be wise for you to move into Hometree for the duration of the tsalnu maturation before they’re fully birthed to the world. Since there are two, they’ll have to be delivered earlier than that of a single birth.>”

“<I’ll talk to my mate about it but we make no promises.>” Kim said, unsurprisingly before she sat up though she smiled softly as she saw them though it turned a little concerned. “You two okay?”

“I got a…private talk with Mo’at I think I… need to address,” Ruby said, nervously, her grip tightening a little around him like he was a teddy bear. “Preferably now, or I might chicken out.”

Bree paused a little, looking their way from her book “Let me get my ear pods.” She reached slowly for her bag and tugged it close, rummaging around before she pulled the little case out and set them into her ears before pulling out her tablet to start the music. Loud enough for them to just about hear it.

Kim sighed deeply, annoyed. “We’re kinda in the middle of a check-up, guys…”

“Sorry for the interruption, Kim, but… please give us at least twenty minutes, Kim.” Jake gave his campmate a solid look, feeling Ruby’s arm tighten more and she felt her reluctance return. “It’s important.”

Kim’s jaw tightened a little, lingering on him for a moment then up to Ruby. “Fine.”

“You can stay and listen if you want,” Ruby stated her tone a pitch higher. “It’s not a pleasant story.”

Kim shook her head, her hand coming to her belly with an annoyed sound. “One of my kids is pressing on my bladder. I think that’s telling me something.” She waved away Mo’at’s offer to help her onto her feet, pulling her loincloth straight, both front and back, and waddled out quickly.

Eliza, not saying anything set her tools away and also took her leave but no doubt would return when they were gone. She patted Ruby’s blue leg in passing.

Mo’at sighed softly but collected her tools together. “<I wish she’d allow herself to accept more help.>”

Jake snorted a little. “<She’s a stubborn person. It’s easier pulling teeth.>” He was gently set down a few feet from the Tsahìk onto Kim’s former mat, taking a moment to organise his limp legs before Ruby sat down a little beside him, dwarfing him easily as her long blue settled around him. Her fingers tapped along his shoulder absently for a moment.

“<So…>” Ruby hesitated. “<I… my childhood isn’t a good one. I’ve… never spoken to anyone about it properly except to Zane and it’s… why I can’t go back to Earth and why I want to keep connecting to Eywa. Jake said… you might be more understanding.>”

Mo’at finished setting her tools away, turning her attention fully to the gatherer. “<I know you mentioned to myself and Neytiri it wasn’t pleasant but I didn’t feel it was the time to ask for more. You do not have to mention more than you’re willing to share.>”

Ruby nodded, her ears shifting a little as she contemplated. “I… I know it’s something I need help with and I… don’t like asking for it. I’ve spent a while not emotionally relying on people around me. It’s easier for me.”

Mo’at nodded softly. “<You closed your heart.>”

Ruby nodded. “<I had to.>” She admitted. “<I… hours after I was born, my birth mother tried to dispose of me by abandoning me into a trash canister outside at night.>” Ruby’s ears pinned, pained as the words left her lips. “My own mother didn’t want me… and I don’t understand why she didn’t give me up at a hospital or… a fire station. She had nine months to do that or abort the pregnancy. Instead just… left me some random bin in nothing but a kitchen towel.”

Mo’at’s expression turned sorrowful. “<That is awful, I cannot imagine how painful it is for you to have gone through that. Children are a gift and should be treasured.>” She paused for a moment. “<May I ask, what is a> fire station?”

“Fire stations are facilities designated for fire control for the surrounding public.” Jake spoke softly to Mo’at softly “But they also provide public aid or a safe zone for adults or teen parents to leave their babies or children if they cannot look after them or have a reason to not keep them. Hospitals are medical areas. Any children abandoned after birth can be given up there safely and the child rehoused to a family willing to take them in.”

Mo’at nodded in soft understanding. “<I see.>”

“I would have been better if I had been given up somewhere safe.” Ruby shook her head. “I only survived the trash heap because I was found by a school kid when he was bin surfing for tech junk. He heard me crying and took me home with him in his backpack. His mom got the cops when she found out and I was put into a care system. No one wanted to adopt me.” Her hand moved, pulling her tail around to fiddle with the puff of hair at the end.

Jake reached forward, patting her knee but his heart also ached a little. He couldn’t fathom all of that and while she no doubt knew this all from second-hand, it didn’t erase anything or the turmoil that came with it. It still happened to her. The knowledge that hung over her head.

“I grew up in the system. Foster family to foster family. A few okay ones, a few shit ones who could barely afford to eat…” Her eyes looked far away, “I got to another foster family when I was ten. I thought they were going to be my family for good. Two parents, an older brother and sister, and their second cousin who became orphaned so he had to live with them. My… foster parents at that time were distant. Not there for anyone emotionally but I got on well with my new cousin, Marty, he was… a good guy.”

Jake distantly remembered his fate with a wince. A good guy was lured away and killed; only to be found six months later as bones.

Ruby’s face lost a lot of colour, her eyes brimming with unshed shed as she carried on without stopping. “When…I was fourteen, my foster brother… assaulted me in my room. Said it was okay because we weren’t blood-related and… he wanted to practise.”

Jake closed his eyes, his jaw clenching. Mo’at inhaled deeply but understood the implication, no doubt through Neytiri. It wouldn’t have been an easy conversation but necessary.

“I...I got the police involved, and got him jailed for it but… everyone at school found out what happened…the story got twisted by his friends. I got bullied and blamed for the assault and said that I ruined a good boy’s life and he had a good future ahead before I split. No one even considered what he had done to me or what scars he left on me. That he had ruined my life.” Ruby’s breath shook. “I got out after a year of saving up money. Some friend has a friend who I paid off to get me out. I… changed my name, new date of birth, and new identity codes for myself to have a life. Once I had all that I just… disappeared from that life. Shut away the feelings to concentrate on where I needed to be.”

“You became Ruby Carr, a brilliant scientist.” Jake offered quietly. “You made it all the way to Pandora.”

Ruby nodded airily. “I worked hard in the new school I enrolled in. Worked a side job to afford it and a place to sleep. The only meals I could eat were at school because those were free. I scraped by and got good grades. Got the RDA’s attention to get a scholarship to the sciences. When I was old enough, I signed up for their labs for a few years before I applied to come here and join the Avatar program when I was twenty-three. For a while, it was okay. I had no problems until I learned my former foster brother had joined a gang in prison. I always kept taps open on him as a precaution and… my fear wasn’t misplaced. His new friends had connections everywhere and he was able to find out my new identity and where I was. If I went back home, I’d lose the RDA protection and… I can’t return back. I know he’d come for me if given that chance. I couldn’t give him that chance.”

Mo’at leant down, her hand soft and slow as she touched the Dreamwalker’s face. “<He will not find you here, Rubycarr. You are safe with the people. You are safe with your friends.>”

Ruby stared at her for a long moment then broke her gaze. “I know that here.” She reached up and tapped her temple. “But not here.” She tapped over her heart. “<Eywa… she makes me feel safe and protected. Like a home I never had.>”

“<The great mother provides you with an ocean of unconditional love.” Mo’at dropped her hand to rest on her shoulder.. “<An ocean can be welcoming and beautiful under its surface but… sooner or later you have to resurface or you’ll down within and lose yourself.>”

“<But it’s the only way I can feel happy.>”

“<No, child.>” Mo’at shook her head. “<Happiness is around you and in arms reach. You’ve guarded your heart for so long that you do not see the walls you’ve put up. You look out, not inwards. Happiness is there. You have your friends now to help you. Zanemadaki, who you’re courting would no doubt help you.>”

Jake squeezed her knee softly, looking up to her softly. “<We’re all here to help. Messy feelings and all. Now is a time for healing and community.”

Ruby’s low ears perked up a little, her eyes still large and tearful. “Zay makes me happy. I know I love him.”

“Does he know?”

Ruby nodded softly. “<I told him after we started to date more seriously… I didn’t want to start with lies and… I didn’t want us to rush or anything. It took over a year of us dating before I invited him into a more… physical relationship. He waited until I was ready. Such a gentlemen>.” She smiled fondly. “<I know I can’t rely on a single person for it. Not fair on him but it’s just easier.>”

Mo’at remained quiet for a moment then sat back. “<You carry a massive burden from your past and it will take time for you to let those walls down and find the connections to others to bring you joy more naturally.>”

Ruby’s tail swished from her fingers, frowning softly. “<I don’t know how to really let people in>”

“<You can relearn. I still have much to do but I will spend some time at your camp tomorrow and start the process if you allow me.>” Mo’at offered.

The Dreamwalker’s head tilted before she hummed if a little reluctantly in consideration. It was probably a little overwhelming for her but he hoped she’d stick with it. She had a lot to give if she allowed it. It’d be great to see her open up as well but in all honesty, he was well aware how sparse he had been with his human defectors with his training.

Jake patted her leg, her head turning down at him. “It’s okay. Zane can be there as well if you need.” He assured. “She wouldn’t offer if she wasn’t able to do it. You’re not going to burden her.”

Ruby chewed her lip and then sighed deeply. “I… suppose. I… it’s... sounds like such a task.”

“You’re worth the trouble.” Jake said, “It won’t be easy for you but if you want to feel that connection and happiness, you need to put that work in as well.”

Ruby’s jaw tightened but she understood her part in it. “I know.” She released her breath, her hand coming to rub her face.

The mood was still a little… fragile with that all out in the open and he could tell Ruby wasn’t sure what to do now, so he decided to step in and crack that ice.

“If… you don’t mind me asking, what was your name before?”

Ruby let out a heavy sigh, her hand dropping down into her lap. “Nancy Bane.”

“Nancy?” he couldn’t help himself on the echo but… it was such an outdated name. It was rare on his side of the pond. The English, maybe, but they were a weird folk to keep those old names about still, like Margret or… Patricia.

Ruby snorted, with a little more life to it. “I was never fond of the names. I always liked the gemstone ruby so it wasn’t hard to change it. I let the guy who changed my identity choose my last name. I didn’t care either way. A new name was a new name.”

“I’m included to agree. Ruby’s a far better name.” Jake agreed. “So, is there anything else you wish to discuss?”

Ruby paused, “Er… I may need some herbs to help with my human body. I’m… getting a little constipated and indigestion a lot more. Eliza’s meds are okay but harder to come by. I’d rather start moving onto more easy-to-come-by remedies and save her meds for more dire needs.”

Mo’at nodded, “I’ll find you something before you leave tonight.”

Ruby collected Jake back up as she took her leave, carrying him back down though she looked… more content, he noted, her posture far loosened up.

“What?” Ruby asked, setting his chair down.

“Have… Have I been too absent from people? Like, the humans?” Jake asked, sliding into his chair. “I know I speak to people when they come here and when we’re on the radios but… I feel like I’ve missed out on getting to know people more personally, you know?”

Ruby hummed shortly. “You’re a busy man when you’re in your avatar; Neytiri works you hard when training and you’re in your own bubble when you’re human here. I’ve always considered that to be your mental vacation from training.”

“You’re too kind,” Jake said, a little dissatisfied, shifting a leg to rest more naturally. “I need to do a lot more than be in my own bubble. Once training’s done, I’ll try and be about for you all. We should all go down to Homebase one night. I have a projector. Have a movie night?”

Ruby’s eyes lit up a little. “You have movies?”

“Shit tons. Haven’t watched too many since we’re out of here but I think it would be fun to have a weekly thing for us lot. Nadine can’t go in the caves but I’m sure we can get a few to watch with her as well at another camp.”

“Zeke’s a good option.”

“Ooh, Zeke watching a movie, oh that’ll be fantastic!” Jake realised; at least half the entertainment would be generated by the man’s verbal reaction alone. He had heard Bree had set the creepy puppet doll up in the shack module’s airlock in the mountains as a prank when they were still cutting the shacks up and everyone there knew when Zeke found it. He was kinda sad to have missed that.

Ruby laughed. “Yeah, he’s fun to watch a film with. I only had a few and we’ve watched them over a few times.”

“Next time, I’ll bring a tablet or maybe Morgan or someone can visit and drop off a tablet and you can download from there,” Jake promised, wheeling now back towards the spinners where he could see a few of the miners were set up with bead making he couldn’t help but notice now Marcus was about but looking a little distressed.

Ruby broke away to find Harper so Jake pushed on to Marcus’s side, sparing a look at his cause of concern.

Bead organisation.  There was a small pile of beads that were in one basket and often made by many hands and it was preferred to be separated by colour for artists to draw from when they continued their pieces more easily unless they made their own beads with specific purpose.

It was an easy task that children could do, toddlers even.

“You okay?” Jake asked.

Marcus let out a frustrated sigh. “I need to learn Na’vi. The lead guy put me on this and… I can’t do it.”

Jake looked at the beads and then at him before he realised why. “You’re colour blind, aren’t you?”

Marcus nodded slowly. “Tritan colour blindness. I don’t know how to tell them without them thinking I’m stupid or something. ”

“Ohh…” Jake spared a look around, “You got a tablet?”

“In my bag.”

“Can you get it? I assume you have a camera on it?”

Marcus nodded, relieved as he stood up and hurried to his bag set off by the side to be out of the way and return a moment later with it. Looking at it, he noticed it looked regular, but turning it on, he realised the screen was monochromatic. Black and white. Simple.

“Mind if I turn the colours on? I’ll turn it back once I’m done.” It felt polite to ask at the very least given it wasn’t his tablet.

“Okay?”

Jake nodded, relieved. “<Ten’nel, can you come here please?>” He called.

The Na’vi in question looked up from examining his apprentice’s work of small beads along a string before he got to his feet and came over.

“<Is he not done?>” Ten’nel asked eyes on the pot still. “<I thought he would have finished by now.>”

Jake clicked his tongue. “<Marcus here doesn’t know enough Na’vi to tell you that he had a visual disability. He cannot do this task.>

Ten’nel’s head turned to him sharply but he looked more serious now than before. “<A disability? Poor eyesight?>”

“<He cannot perceive certain colours. Humans call this colour blindness.>” Jake answered, he leaned over and took a photo of the beads Marcus had been set to do then moved to the editor to add a filter over it. “<Humans have a few variants of colour blindness depending on which colour rods in their eyes are affected. Some humans cannot see Red, yellow, Green or blue. In some cases, everything is grey, not colour at all. Marcus here, while he can see everything in clarity, he cannot see yellow or blue.>”

He held out the tablet for the bead maker to see, watching as the man’s eyes slid to the screen in fascination at the filter and then to the actual colours the real thing had beside it; comparing both.

“<The yellow is a pinkie-grey?>” Ten’nel’s voice was filled with genuine intrigue. “<Fascinating…>”

“<Is there a task Marcus can do here that doesn’t rely on colour?>

Ten’nel hummed in soft consideration, still looking between. “<He could remain to simply make the beads or assist with crafting of pieces>”

“You good to stick with just making beads?” Jake offered to Marcus, “Not a lot of colour work?”

“Hm, I might not stick with beads. It’ll pass the time for now but I’m still looking about for something that calls, you know.” Marcus stated, scratching his chin under his mask. “Maybe I’ll try the leather working route or spinners. Weaving is kinda of interesting but… too many colour-dependencies. I’d rather not need to check with people constantly on my own work.”

Jake hummed softly. “I suppose there’s still plenty of time to find out your thing.”

“<Is everything alright?>” Ten’nel asked.

“<Yes, just offering the suggestions for him.>” Jake answered before he looked up at Ten’nel for a moment before he looked down at the tablet. An idea sprung to mind. “<Can… Can I take a photo of you? I wish to see what he sees when he looks at Na’vi. He cannot see blue or yellow.>” And Na’vi were blue and yellow.

Ten’nel allowed him with a curious nod and Jake blinked at the result.

“Na’vi are green to you?” Well, not a deep overly green; they looked closer to turquoise than anything but still… and their eyes, like yellow beads, were grey but with a hint of pink to them. Any red naturally stood out, unchanged and very vibrant.

“Yeah?” Marcus snorted a little. “Like, I mostly know the difference between blue and greens based on shade intensity but it depends on the saturation levels the colour has.”

“How did you make it this far to Pandora with this colour blindness? I know they don’t discriminate based on disability but… you’re a geologist.” There had to be a story there.

“I signed up as a miner; to work in the mine but some of it was bull-shitting, white lies and help. Alejandra helped a little in adding symbols to colour systems when we were working.”

“Wait, you’re colour-blind?”

Jake’s head turned suddenly to see Kung standing a few metres away, a basket of fibres in her arms looking a little baffled and annoyed.

Marcus’s eyes widened a little before he sheepishly nodded.

Kung set the basket down, her hands coming to her hips. “Why didn’t you say anything? I would have been less of an asshole.”

“Because you would have moved me off elsewhere. I know I’m supposed to note that down for my superiors but you ran the mines by the book.” The blond said, gesturing up wildly before clambering to his feet. “I wanted to keep my job, Zee.”

Kung’s brow pulled in before she clicked her tongue, picked up her basket again and walked away without another word.

Marcus huffed, his hand coming to his face but was stopped by the mask. “Aye yai yai…”

Jake looked between the man and the leaving major. “You two got history?”

Marcus nodded. “We took to her bed a few times.” He answered, “I’ll… get back to work.” He decided, moving towards the maker’s side of the area.

-

Tsu’tey led the hunting party back with a glint of satisfaction at each of his student’s work. The human of the group, MingWu was a surprise; having to succeed with a clean kill. Ashleysloan wasn’t a surprise at all she had shot her yerik straight through the frontal eye and killed it instantly. Ka’ani and Saeyla had taken down the same prey but both shots were true.

Iknimaya would be granted to all accept MingWu, as a human could not bond with an Ikran. A known statement but he would need to confide with Mo’at and Eytukan to find an alternative rite of passage for the human that did not involve tsaheylu that would allow the woman to hunt freely as the people. Not all hunters had Ikran but often hunters had Pa’li to ride on to travel. She couldn’t even do that.

It was a little of a headache to think about but he had an idea.

At Hometree, his trainees separated after his word to other tasks as the afternoon was drawing in, Ka’ani leading the kills towards the butchers with Ashleysloan who requested some of the meat for her camp.

Tsu’tey eyes sought over the people, noting the humans, the small form of Jakesully by the weavers stood out by the yellow of his wheeled chair with some dissatisfaction. He moved his gaze on before he moved toward Eytukan who had returned as well with a high head but also was ascending up to the higher level.

Tsu’tey followed. “<I see you, Olo'eyktan>” He greeted politely to draw the clan leader’s attention.

“<I see you, Tsu’tey. How were your hunters??” Eytukan asked as he set his bow down on his personal rack.

“<True shots. MingWu included.>”

Eytukan hummed in surprise. “<The human, interesting.>”

“<MingWu has surprising dedication but due to her species, she cannot pass Iknimaya as an Ikran Makto without a tswin.>”

Eytukan led on towards the Tsahìk’s den, the sounds of her moving about unmistakable and her soft voice.

“<Have you considered options?>” Eytukan asked, pausing outside the den “<There are a few that aren’t easy or feasible for a human. They are tiny and weaver than a Na’vi.>”

“<The Great Hunt, three weeks away.>” Tsu’tey suggested. “<She will have to ride as a passenger onto a Pa’li but if she strikes true among the talioang migration, then that should be a tremendous task achieved much like Pa’li Makto.>”

Eytukan let out a considering hum. “<That’s a good suggestion for the human hunters. What of the Dreamwalkers?>”

“<Ashleysloan had defied all expectations and can put Manu to shame in skill. She would go far in the clan if she was not held back by being a Dreamwalker.>” A sad fact really. It didn’t go unmissed that she had the attention of a few men and women who valued skill and, even by Tsu’tey’s standards, her Dreamwalker did have an attractive face. However, the extra finger was still a firm reminder of what the woman was under the false skin.

“<You sound disappointed>” Eytukan chuckled.

Tsu’tey tittered a little, pursing his lips discontented. “<She doesn’t have my interest beyond that of a mentor to a student.>” He was to be mated with Neytiri and so, he had no reason to look elsewhere. A Dreamwalker was not a suitable mate to even consider, so he didn’t. But he could appreciate the work this Dreamwalker put in with the clan. Tolerantly, even. “<Why was Jakesully not in his Dreamwalker today? I expected him to join the group in the hunt>”

“<Neytiri will see his first successful hunt tomorrow.>,” Eytukan said, “<I believe today is his duty to care for his native body.>”

“<I look forward to her verdict.>” He paused, noting the slight tenseness in the Olo'eyktan’s posture. “<Was your hunt successful?>”

Eytukan hummed, turning discontent. “<I did not hunt for meat. I found bones of a Palulukan within a cave. Years old by the state of the bones but… signs of the Cold Ones. I heard rumour of these bones so I sought them out for truth>”

Tsu’tey felt his insides turn tense, cooling with a flicker of fear. These blood demons had killed a Palulukan? It took many warriors and many arrows to down a beast of death and often there were casualties. They were creatures of both fear and respect for a reason. “<Was… what signs did you see?>”

“<It’s neck was broken. Not cleanly. The… ribs show claw marks that have five fingers to them. It has one cleanly broken leg and smaller fractures along the rest of the legs. The cave itself bears claw marks of both kinds so it likely died within and with great ferocity.>” Eytukan let out a firm breath. “<This knowledge carries a heavy burden.>”

“<If a single one can kill a Palulukan…>” He didn’t finish. What hope did the people have against these creatures? Eytukan had been wise to not let these creatures be his focus but the more he heard, the more he knew how harder it would be to protect the people.

Eytukan’s hand reached out, grasping his arm intently. “<As fearful as we are, Cold Ones have sight of Eywa. As long as there is no provocation, we should not gain their attention.>”

“<Wise worlds, beloved.>” The Tsahìk’s words echoed out, reminding them both where they were.

Eytukan ducked into the den first, empty of people and humans and Mo’at was finishing up her organisation. The two leaders closed the distance, grasping each other and Eytukan touched her cheek with fondness and her head tilted into his touch.

“<How was your day?>” Eytukan asked. “<I heard you went down to the caves again, to the spiritual tree.>”

The spiritual tree, Tsu’tey had heard about that with the rest of the clan. One tree for the sky people and… it was still a little hard to believe that Eywa would create such a blessing with a species like the Skye people in mind but he was not the one to question the Great Mother. He hadn’t seen such a tree and didn’t have the intention to either.

“<Yes, two connected and have experienced their communion Eywa. I will be busy tending to their communions. Once Neytiri is free from training Jakesully, I will need her attendants to watch and take over the communion until all are connected. I still have our people to tend to. I fear I will be too pulled away from my duty here now that the tree is discovered and so readily available..>” Mo’at spoke, worried. “<the humans that are with us are… uncannily driven to connect. Some more than others.>”

“<Is that a trouble?>”

“<The more I hear of their life in their home world, the sadder I am for them and for all that they have gone through>” Mo’at sighed deeply. “<The social complexities are beyond simple navigation. Their destruction, their closed hearts and their need for walls to hide themselves. Some have not even experienced love from their own family. Like it is a foreign concept but is desperate to feel it like children begging for food>” Mo’at looked genuinely upset. “<If anything I have learned, there is no life on Earth; only survival.>”

“<That is a very… bold statement.>” Eytukan said.

“<It rings true in my heart, my love. You should spend more time with the humans and see for yourself.>” Mo’at said. “<They need help but I cannot do it alone. The clan can guide these people to a better sense of self. To live beyond survival. To see the world in new life. I believe that is how we can achieve peace with the sky people.>”

Masterlist

[nochi-quinn]

campaign 3 episode 68: I'm not making the 'nice' joke about next episode bc last time I did that someone died

okay let's see if I can get through this one without having a panic attack ten minutes in

(that's why there wasn't a liveblog last week)

I was making a sandwich during sam's ad and came back to Suddenly Bear

and then I saw "Baldur's Gate 3" in the subs and it all made sense

"that is your wife" which wife, laura, marisha or liam?

a teensy weensy little demon pact

oh, we have that autobots shirt sam's wearing

kiddo wears it to school for jersey days :D

Graz'tchar

NO

throw it in the hole

talking weapons: not even once

ashley what

swordmance

per spoilers in the group chat, Sword Bad

that thing is twice his size isn't it

ashton has the brain cell

"I don't care about you" letters

King of Fuckingwhere

A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON

travis' face

but who's on the council

ashton: please hold

grizzly man

ashton is the best narrator in this moment

yeah yeah hell yeah

fcg in his mind palace

matt doing the mass effect codex voice

prince fruitoftheloom

s a m u e l

STOP GIVING TRAVIS CURSED SWORDS

travis

sam

both of you

fresh cut "I can fix him" grass

fcg: the vibes are rancid

nigerian demon prince

"you can eat my ass, this is my card right now"

king butterknife

oh hell

hate THAT

NICE

"he barely listens to us"

liam :(

how fuckin old is ludinis

kiki :(

kiki!

keyleth pace urself

I love that cloak so fucking much

the Hand of the Tempest does sound really fucking cool

liam you can't make me cry that's illegal

everybody hates the raven queen but keyleth especially hates the raven queen

(okay they don't all HATE the raven queen, I'm just saying)

liam: that winged man, that beautiful angel, that absolute specimen of masculinity -

matthew so help me god not the tr - I HATE YOU

"those who call themselves gods" dang

it must be nice, it must be nice, to have asmodeus on your side

but no dogs. no dogs on the moon.

they just run right off the damn thing

just do dark moon magic in the room of the head of state who just recovered from an assassination attempt, nbd

until her what now

travis and marisha

"I've got wind chimes where my name should be"

"fuck off, ghost!"

oh y'all were gonna get blood fountain'd

vox machina road trip

"there was an accident and here I am"

ashton lore ashtON LORE

TITAN BLOOD

travis: that was me! :D

oh we got chair perch

"vast and frightening"

the key is to stop trying to apply logic to your friends

I'm assuming this is the blight tree from - IT IS THE BLIGHT TREE

"the enemy of my enemy is a dick"

marisha: you KNOW what I'm saying, just TELL ME

"all our allies are dead or doin' stuff"

what IS dorian doing. give me my boy back.

liam and his tea

keyleth's BEEN elementals. several of them!

"how are we gonna make fun of that name, it's too hard to pronounce"

oh kiki :(

stop saying entities

quick go find milo

cut ludinis off at the root

highlander the bitch

vecNA

"I READ BOOKS >:("

"you battled an earth titan" "I mean TECHNICALLY"

delilah alarm weewooweewoo

fearne would be a choice chaos deity

milo-joe dream team

"don't tell him I said that"

"he is a brilliant mind with specific limitations"

"I can feel my heart rate rising!" and then he went into cardiac arrest

I fully recognize ashton's tone re: fcg trying to contact dancer, that is a parent's "redirecting a child away from an inappropriate choice" tone

I feel like it's dancer tbh

it's time to d-d-d-d-duel

"oh changebringer, what the FUCK does that mean"

it IS dancer

"the changebringer…..sucks"

matTHEW

listen, I remember some of those vm planning sessions, this is high strategery

marisha: leave me aLONE

you're gonna carry that weight

oh no I'm gonna cry again

SAVIOR BLADE

oh shut the fuck up

just put me in the fucking ground

can laudna get a tattoo? would the skin just kind of. fall off?

[thequeenofmyownscreen]

I took time to watch the second and third seasons of “Narrative Telephone”.

I previously described this wonderful show as "pure serotonin injected in your veins" and guess what. IT STILL IS ! It's just so good, y'all.

(Under the cut is a summary of my reaction for each episode)

Round 2, Episode 1 and 2 featured BWF and they have been removed from the channel. If ever you want to, know that you can still find them via the Wayback Machine. I have watched them this way, because I'm nothing if not curious ; but I will not say anything on them. damnatio memoriae

Round 2, Episode 3 : aka Laura Bailey remembered she finished last season by blacking out completely, and came back with a vengeance... RHYMES ! Not but the story was lovely at first, but the combo of Taliesin's panick attack and Ashley's.. 'Ashley-ing' this story was fatal to it (bonus point for "Not for you Nott/Don't be jelly !"). Travis brought it back like a champion. We love to see Mica Burton's chimney covered with Emmy awards, also her voice get progressively higher and higher, it's so funny. Sam just re-wrote the rhymes and the story. Marisha did her best. Liam tried to re-write the rhymes, and made Matt's job easier, but... the moral of the story was already lost. Love that Sam said that the Emmys from Mica's videos distracted him so much that he forgot half of what she was saying, and then everyone agrees that's the worst turn Sam ever did ALL BECAUSE OF THOSE EMMYS (on point). "Mica totaled the car, drove it to the auto body shop, Sam said 'I'll take care of this', poured gasoline and set it off on fire, and Marisha was like 'Yeah ! This drives !'" (Travis). As always, I immensely enjoy when they're complimenting each other : this time, it was Matt, whom Laura said he was "date night Matthew Mercer". "You know what ? This is what the holiday is all about ! It starts wholesome and pure and perfect, and by the end, it's 9 drunk people making a big mess and blaming each other !" (Sam).

Round 2, Episode 4 : aka Mica Burton speaks Elvish, and no one else does, and also, remember that sitcom, Alf ? Travis was good as always, Liam kept the story but added the killer detail about ALF. And that derailed Taliesin and everybody after that. Taliesin' "Elvish" sounded less like Nordic language and more like absolute nonsense. Marisha just speculated wildly about Anathanel's profession and physicality (is she a centaur ??? who knows !!), and Matt doubles down on that, and also the "Elvish" continues to be -somehow- worse. Sam doesn't know what ALF is, because of course he doesn't, so it gets wayyyy worse than the constant references of ALF. Ashley : "Once upon a time, there was a princess, and her name was... Enfamil... (to herself) no, that's not it, that's baby formula." Laura closes with questionning if there's a moral to this story : spoiler alert, there isn't, because there isn't much of a story anymore. Tears, tears of laughter. I was not expecting ALF, and the half-princess, half-centaur, maybe a mermaid (?) but extremely super-sad heroïne of this story. Also Travis deserves the shit he got for not putting on the flowers and make-up.

Round 2, Episode 5 : aka Liam doesn't tell a story. They all did pretty well ! Considering, again, that there wasn't a story ! The duck names were changing, but were all very cute. The fact that Laura didn't realise that it was NOT Dani's story and kept thinking she was doing some experimental storytelling was so fucking funny. Also love every time they're demonstrating their various abilities or inabilities to do certain voices.

Round 2, Episode 6 : aka IT'S FRUMPKIN, BITCH (*Won't Get Fooled Again by The Who plays in the distance*). Taliesin added wayyyyyy to many letters in the acronyms. Sam returns with adding a moral and an ending to a story that didn't needed them. I feel like this is the most they threw ones and anothers under the bus, thanks to the Pacific thing. Love that the Show & Tell started by them revealing what their middle names were, and discovering that Sam's full name is Samuel Brent Oscar Riegel, as if they didn't work together and were friends since 2010 or before. Ashley, being real : "That must be nice, having sometimes the feeling that you've nailed it !". I loved that they were almost always silent during the re-watching of Dani's story. Respect. It was a good story.

Round 2, Episode 7 : aka Chutney, my beloved, still wants to kill Santa. The story hooks are progressively lost (because of Liam, let's be honest), but the genius plan of killing Santa via fire is not, so that's a progress, I guess. Aabria goes all in, like the queen she is, and makes Chuntney somehow even more creepy ?? "I want this to be you Campaign 3 character", says Matt, about Taliesin's version of Chutney, while I am laughing my ass off thinking that's how Travis got the idea.

Round 2, Episode 8 : aka ¡Viva la Revolución! Aabria brings in the in medias res vibe with the leader of a crime band looking for some quick way of getting rich. Aaaaand the gang transforms this tale, because of course they do. Laura tries her best to salvage her own story thanks to her eyebrows, but alas it doesn't work. Matt plays it like some kind of senile and drunk Gilmore, it's hilarious. Taliesin goes full creepy babushka, and Liam somehow makes it worse, delaying the narrative so much by repeating and whispering the key words at least 3 times, that, by the time it arrives to Ashley and Sam, there's just nothing to do but to go with the flow. "If you like to join this plan, please check YES in this box right here". During the Show & Tell, Travis as the Number 1 Aabria fan is always the best. Laura repeating than Marisha did so good, throwing herself in front of the bus because she knew she did way worse. The rest is just me laughing my ass off for 40 minutes. What a way to end the season !

Round 3, Episode 1 : aka Everyone Is Turned On By Robbie's Voice. Liam is second and immediately goes into hysterics, and does the classic Liam Rewind. Aabria is judging the narrative pretty heavily while telling it, and we almost lost the goblin part, which seems important. By the time we're going to Ashley and Matt, the story has lost almost all elements, including : the goblin part, the good looks, the implication of a threesome, and some of the names, but we added chiseled nips into the mix ! Aimée is a genius and starts with A GUITAR and frames the thing as open mic night, which is... honestly a good choice, at this point ! "You are the Riegel of this group" said Liam about Aimée. Love that in the end, all everybody cared about was openly lusting after Robbie's voice

Round 3, Episode 2 : aka DENI$E IS HERE. I'm so happy I got to watch the infamous origin story of Deni$e, Dariax's ex ! Aimée is crazy good, and everyone does their best effort to bring the trashy and ridiculous and loving vibe to this "Breakup Lettah". Everyone is impressed by Anjali, as they should be, and Liam calls her version "a Scorcese retelling" with how much emotion she's injected in it. Aimée did so much research and thinking on her story, I'm glad she got to use all of her research in Campaign 3. I want to see Deni$e again at some point.

That was wonderful, and whenever, in the future, I feel sad, those viedos will be on my watch list, for sure.

[alyss-kelly]

My opinion about Another Code Recollection Part 3

Continuation of the negative.

Ashley and Matthew's relationship You don't see the same attention they gave to Ashley and D with her and Matthew. At the end of the game, it doesn't feel like she really bonded with him and became close friend with him. Deleting scenes or changing them didn't help them out. A lot of times he disappears and Ashley have to go and find him. At some point she says that it's mean of Matthew to do so, which yeah, I understand but, in the OG, I don't think he ran off that much after they paired up and when he does, I remember him leaving a message when they're in Richard's house. (btw I think you can see it on the table but once again you can't interact with it) She quickly thinks about him at the end but it just feels "empty". It doesn't feel like they cared about each other much. And I think that's a shame.

Travel In Two Memories, you had to go place to place with the stylus and you could also use the control pad. It was a top-down perspective and it could feel a bit weird, but it added to creepy vibes of Blood Edward Island. It would also only zoom in when you were close to location where you had the possibility to interact with objects in it. In R, you mostly moved Ashley from right to left, clicked on her to interact with the decors and inside you could only see her back and look around without her moving. This doesn't sound very fun, I know, but what I mostly miss, is that kinda funny looking animation of Ashley making a little speed up run to get to another location. It was weird but it added to the charm of the game to me, it was uncanny but also original. When I look back on it, only being able to look from one perspective outside was kind of a smart move, they didn't have to create a full 3D game, they could just make you slide from one place to the other, kind of like an "old" Mario game.

No more choices At the end of each chapter in both games, you had a little quiz where Ashley had to remember what happened until that point. It could be annoying (depending on how quickly you finished the chapter) but memories being the center of the plot of each game it's logical to put these sections and it reinforced the importance of what memories means to Ashley, it really showed how scared she was on forgetting more of her life. But they deleted them, which is maybe a relief for the player, but it skips an important part of Ashley's character. On another note, you could always pick the wrong answer it didn't change anything, you just had to do the question again. In the second game, there was little animation of Ashley giving two answers to other characters, one was the right option and the other one, was of course wrong. It was funny to make her pick the wrong answer and it added to the charm.

End of Part 3

---

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

[phoenixshine]

30 Days of “Ashes to Ashes” - Day 24

Day 24 - What’s your favourite moment of your favourite pairing?

You know, this scene could very well be my answer to a lot of the 30 days challenge. It’s such a rollercoaster of emotions. But it’s still my absolute favourite moment between them and one of my favourite scenes in the entire show.

There’s so much tension in the air and at the same time such sense of comfort. They are just sitting in that sofa, drinking and chatting and being open and honest *cough*married*cough*. And then Alex suggests they dance. And Gene channels the Manc Lion that Alex immediately sees through. And then he gets up and you just feel the temperature in the room rise by 1000000 degrees. This is it, for them. No more lies, no more hiding.

There’s so much tenderness that I might just cry. Alex finds comfort in his embrace, and when she leans her head on his shoulder and we can see them both sway, with their eyes closed, their hands clasped next to Gene’s heart, whilst the camera moves imperceptibly closer... I just die. And just as I am certain I have died a thousand deaths already, Gene turns and kisses her softly... RIGHT AT THE SPOT WHERE SHE WAS SHOT. Like trying to kiss a bullet wound away. And then you know what happens...

I AM NOT OK.

Regarding the rest that I’ve already talked about... I think my feelings are perfectly summarised in the scene’s opening lines:

“I think we have unfinished business, Bolly.” “Yeah... yeah, we do.”

*ahem*LazarusBetterDeliver*ahem

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E121 (Jan. 19, 2021)

Aaaand we're back! The epic pet montage at the start is still the greatest thing ever.

Tonight's guests? Matthew Mercer and Marisha Ray!

We begin with an extensive discussion of waffle farts. As you do.

Matt is asked what it's been like to get to build out the characters in the Tombtakers. Lucien is Matt's favorite, but they've all got some fun traits to them. "It's one of those rare experiences as a dungeon master where you get to watch your players combat with the necessity of playing along. The instinct is: fuck these guys, I want to fight them, we'll take their shit... or I guess we have to play nice. And they begrudgingly grit their teeth and I smile internally."

On the Lucien accent: "You guys are all so mean to Taliesin!" Matt knew his own take would be a "weird mutation" of Mollymauk's accent anyway.

How's Marisha feeling about a lot of her predictions panning out? "Aw, I mean, gee, me? What? Noooo. It's definitely vindicating, I'm not gonna lie, and rewarding, but I also know that I write a lot of shit down in that notebook that's never relevant ever again. It's definitely a good feeling to know that I didn't go on that fifteen-minute deep dive and was utterly wrong about everything I said." Matt: "I was super proud. I was just silently cheering you on as you went on these long tangents."

What does Lucien think of the Mighty Nein? "Lucien is definitely curious about why they're getting involved in his shit and what they're planning alongside them. One, he hates Beau because he doesn't like people who challenge his authority. He gravitates towards Jester to an extent because she's the most open, which from his standpoint makes her easiest to manipulate. He loves toying with curiosity, and so between Jester and Caleb, those are the two people that he's the most comfortable interacting with. Caduceus makes him feel a little weird. He's amused by them. Fjord to Lucien is one of the more guarded and less accessible at the moment."

Is Beau enjoying getting under Lucien's skin? "Beau's picking and poking still kind of stems from her defensiveness and guardedness and her feelings, in a lot of ways, and the way that she's coping with things. It's a few steps removed from her default and what she often resorts to when she starts throwing up those barriers. She still has in the back of her head that she's looking at her dead friend. It's her way of protecting herself if she can go, fuck you, I don't care about you. This isn't too dissimilar to the way she reacted when Yasha was brainwashed." Matt: "It's a unique social sparring match the whole time they're traveling side-by-side. It's unique to have an antagonistic force that you're--" Marisha: "That we're going camping with."

Navigating the Tombtaker/M9 relationship as a DM is "challenging. At any given moment, a wrong statement could escalate matters one way or the other. It's having to pay attention to a lot of things at all points in time to be ready for how those chain reactions can happen and where it might go." He likens it to trying to follow and participate in two different conversations simultaneously at a party.

On the note from Yasha: "Oh man, you guys. Oh, it was so sweet. I don't think Beau was expecting Yasha to be so forthcoming with everything, and so complimentary and eloquent. Beau is awkward with healthy relationships, so she doesn't know how to handle them. She's still processing that and wants to not ruin it. No, it was magical." Ashley told Marisha after the episode that she was trying to think of what to say and wound up basing it on what she would say about Marisha.

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Vax (by stormfeather_cosplay, photograph by travi_b, both on Instagram)!

On using variations on the Wild Magic table: "I wanted to give it some variation to consequences. They took some of the tooth out of it from earlier editions. I knew it would be fun once I gave them the specifications of when these things would happen - players are just waiting for someone to roll a 20 or a 1 at all times."

Why is it so important to Beau that she and Yasha have a proper date? Part of it is a fresh start. "So much of Beau's past relationships have been rooted in some toxic behavior. Beau feels like, well, maybe we should just start from the beginning in the most us way possible: fighting through the tundra with our dead-ish friend."

The sci-fi-ish theme came toward the end of developing Aeor, but it mostly comes from rationalization. Matt is intrigued by how all these different societies want to usurp the gods... which has parallels with modern society. He notes that focusing more on the science of the magic means the aesthetics pull away to "instead facilitate the utility or the most direct route to the answers you want. You streamline as opposed to focusing on the aesthetics."

Beau’s reaction to all the weird magic stuff? “I think Beau’s just so focused on the pragmatic aspects of it all right now. There are greedy people with motives and the will and want to corrupt across all spans of cultures and times. She’s trying not to get lost in the magic, both proverbially and literally, of it all, and just trying to focus on the motives of these people at hand.”

In some ways, Matt was surprised by Caduceus’ strong reaction to the creepy woods. “It was the first major reveal that there are some other sides to the coin that he hadn’t learned about. I had no idea how he would react. It pushed him away more in ways than I expected.”

Fan art of the week: an amazing Lucien! (by oratorkayla on Twitter)

What’s Dagen’s motivation? “He’s definitely a man of his word when it comes to fulfilling a contract and getting the other half of his pay, but it’s not hard to see they’ve grown on him a little bit. He’s really good at getting around the tundra unseen and unnoticed.”

Brian: “In true Sam fashion-” Marisha, instantly: “OH MY GOD.”

Marisha: “Here’s the thing. Here’s the tea, okay? If I ever hear one more fucking person trying to claim that I’m ruining things by metagaming, I’m going to point to Sam. I’m expected to respond accordingly to Veth being a Sam troll. Gods damn him! Raven Queen curse upon him! Let chaos reign! He made me pull out my earphones, I can’t hear anything you’re saying. It’s frustrating because I’d be mad at it if it wasn’t so god damn funny.” Matt notes that at a different table this wouldn’t be great behavior, but they all know each other well enough (and check in with each other enough) that it’s comfortable teasing.

With a bit of a deeper pull, Matt is asked whether he knew Avantika would return someday? “I knew she was a fun, interesting option out there. The M9 still have in their grasp the single most important artifact, in Uk’otoa’s opinion, at the moment. As long as they carry that artifact, his eye of Sauron is upon them.” Matt notes that he has more encounter tables going, so a lot of the time even he’s not sure what’s going to happen.

Caduceus suggested contacting Essek, but Beau and Caleb nixed that idea. Does Beau trust him? “Gods no. Absolutely not. She can like Essek personally. As a person, he’s fine, I guess. But I think a lot of people might be forgetting that he’s kind of a war criminal and kind of set off a lot of bad things in motion with this war with the Empire and the Dynasty, because he wanted power and to know things. So now here he is, also in Aeor. Yeah. Just kinda putting two and two together there. It is another one of those things of, you’re walking that line on trying to keep him on your good side and having a mutually beneficial relationship before it could easily go completely south.”

On the Star Razor being a Vestige: “I don’t want this to be--- the Vestiges aren’t always a thing where it’s like, you get a Vestige and you get a Vestige! I want them to be still considered special and rare. This is one that had to be earned, it had to be reforged. I didn’t know the circumstances that would involve it coming about.” He based it on the circumstances of Fjord’s evolution into a paladin. “In essence, not only did he finish the creation of the sword, but he Awakened it at the same time as he made this transition. It is Exalted at this point, it’s in its final form.”

What does Beau think might lie ahead? “I have no idea. I am trying to abandon expectation when it comes to that. I know what we don’t know, and that’s it. Beau is trying to compensate for the known unknowns and the unknown unknowns. I hope we can keep this tenuous relationship through to Aeor, because we need more answers before it explodes in our face. Beau, and Marisha, is hoping for a little more information before shit hits the fan.”

[theanimalsarecalling]

**TW - DISCUSSION OF VIOLENCE AND ITS AFTEREFFECTS

Did anyone besides me notice a sea change in Declan between The Raven Cycle and The Dreamer Trilogy? You could explain it by the change between the outside POV of him in TRC, and hearing Declan's own story in The Dreamer Trilogy. But I think it's more than that. I think the beat-down he got from the Gray Man affected him more than is stated outright.

At the start of RB, and as portayed in the beginning of The Dream Thieves, Declan is a canonical extrovert. He's dating Ashley, who I'm pretty sure is actually the third Ashley. (The spelling discrepancy can be explained by the outside POV - neither Ronan nor his friends bother to get to know her enough to spell her name right). He's a good student. He's involved in an internship. He appears to have at least casual friends. At least once, he's shown wearing jeans. The prologue of the TDT describes him as "taking a room and shaking it's hand." And when the gray man observes him, he is never alone.

By CDTH, all of that has changed. CDTH takes place roughly 18 months after the start of RB. At this point, Declan's not dating anybody. He appears to have no friends. The brief glimpse during his new internship shows that nobody much likes him there. He's failing at his classes. He's assumed the bland, gray life that his brother's ascribe to him and think represent his personality.

The Dream Thieves takes place over two to four weeks, with the beat-down being practically the first event in it. And it was bad. Bad enough he was probably hospitalized at least overnight, for head injuries. (I'm an RN) So if you think about it, he would have spent the entire book physically healing. In BLLB, he's moved to the Townhouse and you don't see him at all, though Ronan mentions he drives back for church. And in TRK, you only see him in the context of trying to get his brothers out of Henrietta.

Declan had been exposed to violence before, but I suspect this was the worst it had ever been. It scared him badly. I also think he was upset by his brother's responses once they found out. Obviously neither was aware of what happened until they saw him at church (the beating happened Friday evening). I'm sure he attended church to make sure they were alright, but I suspect he secretly hoped for some sympathy and maybe just a bit of help. But Ronan's response verged on emotional abuse. Matthew was at least concerned, though I suspect he was so used to being cared for, it might not have occurred to him to turn caregiver himself.

After an assault like that, it would be normal to become depressed. This may have started early, or maybe not until things settled down and Matthew had moved to Alexandria. But the signs are there. One of the first casualties to depression is your sex life. Then outside friendships, work, and school start to fail. It would explain his irritability and his physical symptoms. The fact that Declan held things together as much as he did probably stems from feeling responsible for Matthew. It's a pity Matthew was so oblivious to Declan's needs during that time, because Declan surely could have used Matthew's support. Instead, the assault never gets mentioned again, and its just one more thing the Lynch brothers never talk about.

But there's hope. Declan's trying to find out about his birth mother may be a sign he's beginning to take interest in life again.

[rosemarydisaster]

So, about Bi Caleb

Warning: very long post, discussing bi representation and biphobia.

*Sorry for spelling errors, English ain’t my firts language.

I can’t believe I have to tell you guys, but anyways: Caleb is bi whether he ends with a male character, a female character on a non binary character. That’s what bi people do, you know? they experience atraction for all genders. Saying that a bi character that ends with someone of the opposite gender is straight and queerbaiting is incredibly biphobic.

Yes, Vax was bisexual. Yes, he ended up with Kiki. Get fucking over it.

Now, I can understand why LGBT+ fans may feel disappointed when they tease a “gay couple” but the “straigth” couple ends up being endgame. Notice the quotation marks because there’s not such thing as a straight or gay couple for a bi person. They are bisexual in both situations, but I can see where the problem comes from. I’ve been queerbaited to hell and back by a lot of shows and it really hurts. It feels like they are laughting at you for caring. But I want those fans (whose feelings are totally valid, don’t get me wrong) to consider a few things when it comes to Critical Role, the first one being: it’s a D&D game.

Let me explain, because I know a lot of CR fans haven’t experienced what D&D is like in real life (and that’s absolutely valid, you don’t need to play D&D to enjoy CR). This is an improvisation game, not an scripted TV show. In a Tv show you can plan ahead of time what ship is going to be endgame, what themes are gonna come up for each character and it’s easier to deeply explore sexuality and gender as different planned arcs. In D&D you character’s sexuality may or may not come up depending on how you play it. Take for instance how other CR character’s have stated their sexuality:

Beau: overtly. Very *In your face* kind of lesbian. Marisha said “fuck it, I really just want to romance girls and be bad ass”

Yasha: openly, but not as in your face. Ashley Jhonson wanted to drink from that WLW cup while also being a shy disaster. Seafood market is her favored terrain.

Caduceus: Our Ace king has never hidden his sexuality, and yet he didn’t mention anything about it until chapter 114. He didn’t had the need to either hide it or state it. He was simply vibing.

I think Liam is going that route with Caleb. He’s flustered by Essek and Edwulf (Come on you guys, he always asks Matthew if he’s still hot). He also had/has a thing for Astrid and a think he might have feels for our favorite Tiefling gal. I know we are all too used to characters being teased as gay/bi only to have execs pull a “haha jk they be straight”. But this is not Sherlock or Supernatural. This is a show that not only has queer rep, but also supports queer organizations and creators. Hell, I’m sure some of the cast members are LGBT (but I’m not here to speculate on real people’s sexuality). If Caleb shows attraction to men he is not just queerbaiting, doing it for fanservicing or tricking the fans in any way shape or form: he’s just portraying a bi character. The thing is, since this is not a TV show, he is not doing it por woke points or to send a message. He’s doing it because he wants to play a bi wizard with depression.

So maybe there will be a point in which he can explores his sexuality more deeply, but remember he is playing a game. And his character is one that has a lot of trouble opening up to his feelings. Caleb is not someone that makes sexual jokes or flirty remarks. He is shy, awkward and has developed a really fucked up sense of love that he is now slowly fixing. Hell, in the same Talks episode Liam explained that Caleb was trained on Honey-pot tactics. Which, for those of you who can’t stand Bond films, means seducing your enemy/target to get information, manipulate them or assassinate them. WHICH IS A REALLY FUCKED UP THING! Let’s remember how he was the one to push Fjord to sleep with Advantica so they could spy on her. That boy has Issues when it comes to relationships. So if we don’t see him being as overtly gay as Beau, Molly or Yasha, well maybe it’s because that’s the way Caleb is. Bi people don’t owe you flamboyance, or dating both guys and gals for your approval. I wouldn’t make a post if it was only that, because I do feel the people who are aching for good bi rep and would love some more explicit confirmation. But Vax exists, so I know we can’t have good things down here.

VAX EXPLICITELY SHOWED ATTRACTION TO GILMORE. AS EXPLICIT AS IT GETS. HE FUCKING KISSED HIM. THEY WERE PRACTICALLY DATING. AND YET SOME OF YOU FUCKERS CALL HIM QUEERBAITING. AND I SAY: NOT ON MY WATCH! NOT ON MY FUCKING WATCH!!

How come a character can have canonically kissed another character in a romantic/sensual context and still be called straight? I know fucking Sherlock traumaticed y’all into having trust issues but believe me when I tell you: I’ts not that deep. This is not a “Haha I love u but in a no homo way bro”. It’s a “full homo darling, but also we’re gonna break up because I like someone else”. This is the opposite of queerbaiting. Instead of keeping a charade he was honest with Gilmore because he valued his feelings and realized that he couldn’t reciprocate them at that moment. And if you try to tell me that Vaxleth was forced and didn’t have a reason to exist except queerbaiting, let me tell you: you are wrong.

Vax saw Gilmore once or twice monthly while he spent a heck ton of time with Kiki. Sure, they didn’t had the kind of camera chemistry Gilmore and Vax had because Keyleth is not charismatic. She’s really awkward, and her relationship with Vax was more on the adorable and dorky side of things. I bring this up because I’m predicting something similar may happen to Shadowgast.

Trust me, I ship the hot wizards as much as any other critter (even though I’m a multishipper). But they haven’t talked to Essek in centuries. I think it may have been almost a month in rol and quite a few outside. And you have to take into account out-rol time to because they are humans (except Tal) playing a game and they forget about stuff (except Marisha and Matt). So Shadowgast may not happen because sure, they had really good chemistry for a month a month ago. People have crushes that die down over time All The Time. So maybe don’t be so butthurt about your ship not being canon that you accuse an ally of homophobia. 

The cast of CR put forward such an amazing representation for the LGBT+ community and it really hurts me that you gets stuck on the one thing that isn’t canon. Matt has created a world in which coming out is not necessary because no one assumes your sexuality. A world in which people respect pronouns and orientations (except Tary’s father, who is a villain). A world in which Cad or Caleb don’t need to explicitly say “I’m ace/bi” unless it comes up in conversation. A world in which his friends can be whatever they want to be without pressure or reprecusions. A world in which they get to explore different gender identities and sexual orientations with full freedom. Let’s not interfere with that (unless there’s missrepresentation), and let them play their game. If you really need mlm or wlw canon couples or more outwardly LGBT+ people you have plenty examples among NPCs and other cast members (Allura and kima, Yasha, Beau, Dairon, Keg, Reani, Tary, Molly and Vax among others).

There’s way worst shows taking LGBT+ cred for barely doing nothing. Fucking Supernatural is the most recent example! Critical Role works towards showing an honest portrayal of LGBT+ folk and accepts valid criticism from their fans on the subject (when they changed J’Mon Sa Ord pronouns from it to they/them). They don’t owe you making your ship canon or portraying their characters the way you want them to (again, unless when it’s constructive criticism). Stop being so Fucking entitled and enjoy the show for what it is

,Respectfully~

*Edit: I´m tagging Caleb’s ships into the post because most hate comes from shipping wars. Most Shadowgast fans are respectful of the cast’s decisions, even if it disappoints them. But since I’ve already seen people accusing Liam of biphobia in that tag and since I’ve already seen this shit with Vaxmore I’m tagging the ship. If you want to read my long ass post do it, if not, ignore it. I’m not forcing you to read it. I’ve also tagged it with biphobia so people can avoid it if it’s triggering. I’m sorry if it makes you mad that your ship is not canon, but that’s not an excuse to be toxic to the cast. Those of you getting mad are the ones that need to read this the most. Like I’ve said in the post: you’re allowed to be disappointed, you are allowed to want more, but you can’t force the cast to give you exactly what you want. And most certainly, you can’t accuse them of  some very serious stuff like biphobia and queerbaiting when it’s not the case..  

[broadstbroskis]

five times you shared a bed with your best friend plus one time you didn’t | matthew tkachuk

lol so @slimskjei-dy requested the prompt 16. We’ve been sharing a bed since we were little so why is this weird now? from a list i put out a couple days ago to write blurbs for and this spiraled out of control, so here’s nearly 4k.

one

The Tkachuk’s move into the house next door to your family the summer before you start preschool and at the ripe age of three, you are too young to have any idea what going with your mom to drop off “welcome to the neighborhood” brownies is going to mean for your future.

Really, it likely has more to do with the fact that “welcome to the neighborhood” brownies turned into a glass of “welcome to the neighborhood” wine between your mom and Chantal Tkachuk, which turned into a bottle of wine while you and Matthew played in the backyard with Brady’s chubby little baby legs trying his hardest to keep up. 

By the time Keith arrived home from a midday skate session, with your dad awkwardly following behind, babbling about how your mom had just planned on dropping something off quickly but was still missing, their friendship was basically cemented. Chantal and your mom did everything together. And your dads’ friendship didn’t take long to form after that. 

Which meant you and Matty were right there with them.

But neither of you cared. You’d settled quickly into a friendship, just like your parents had, where you’d play hockey with him and he’d begrudgingly play soccer with you, and you both pretended you had no idea what Brady was talking about when he ran to tattle that you were ganging up on him and not letting him play.

There’s countless pictures of the two of you growing up, getting into all kinds of trouble, but then also, of the quieter moments too. Sitting too close to the TV watching movies, eagerly waiting by the door for Keith to come home from a road trip with souvenirs, the naps curled up around each other in one of your beds. 

“The quietest twenty minutes of the day.” Keith continues to joke, anytime one of those pictures resurfaces.

two

You wince at the sound of glass crashing behind you and decide the best course of action is to keep moving forward with your mission to find Matthew. Whichever hockey bro of Matthew’s house this is can take care of that; it’s not your job.

Besides, the room is spinning from the cheap beer and booze you’d been drinking all night since the two of you arrived at this party, and you’re pretty sure it’s a bad idea to go near glass.

You find Matthew in the kitchen, with a few of his St. Louis hockey bros, a couple of them guys that you’re still friends with even after he’d left to go join the NTDP, as well as a few faces you don’t recognize. You slip up into their circle, sliding under Matty’s arm when it lifts to wrap around your shoulders, grateful for the solid body to lean against.

The room is really starting to spin.

“You okay?” He asks, ignoring whoever’s speaking.

“I don’t think I can go home tonight.” You admit.

He laughs. “Text your mom and tell her you’re staying with me. Big Walt and Chantal are at a tourney with Brady and Taryn; nobody’s home.”

“You don’t think she knows your parents aren’t home?” You scoff, but you’re already pulling out your phone and carefully drafting the text, making sure to avoid any spelling errors that might give your drunkenness away.

“Yeah, but she can’t prove what she hasn’t seen.” Matty winks at you and you roll your eyes.

“Is that what you told your mom after you left her a three minute voicemail at 3am last month?” You chirp at him, smiling at the instant laughter from the friends around you and accepting a fist bump from Luke Kunin.

That line of chirping continues for a few minutes, until Matty manages to turn it around on one of the boys, and then it dissolves into a free for all before they’re all just laughing at each other.

By the time the giggling ends, you’re about three seconds away from falling asleep on Matt’s shoulder, and it’s his nudge that wakes you. “You ready?” You nod, joining him in making goodbyes to your friends, and then following him out the door to begin the walk back toward your houses.

The fresh air does some good to sober you up and you feel marginally less dizzy by the time you and Matt make it to his room. He throws you a t-shirt to change into and you fall into bed after changing, waiting for him to join you, eyes shutting the second you feel the bed settle beside you.

three

The night before Matty’s due to leave for Buffalo for the draft, your phone buzzes with a text from him. You’re expecting more of the same that you’ve been exchanging all day with him-in various group chats with your friends, at a barbeque with both your families, when the two of you were chatting with Brady while you hid in the far corner with the beers you snuck while Taryn and your sister were off doing their thing.

It’s not. Let me in the text says, so you shove the blankets down and make your way downstairs to open the door for him.

“Shh.” You tell him. “They’re all asleep.”

“It’s 3am, of course they are!” He whispers back.

“Well so was I until you woke me up!” You start walking back toward your room, knowing he’ll follow.

Matthew doesn’t speak again until the two of you are in your room, the door is closed, and he’s lying on his side to face you in your bed. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“You can’t possibly be nervous.” You whisper back, knowing he’s talking about the draft. He shrugs and you reach your hand out to shove his shoulder down, allowing it to rest there. “Matty.” He blinks at you a few times as you think of what to say next. “You’re gonna go somewhere and you’re going to be great. One of these teams is going to love you enough to draft you and everyone after them is going to be mad they didn’t have the chance to and almost everyone before them is going to be mad they didn’t end up picking you and you’re going to go off to whatever city does and forget all about me back here.”

Matthew wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him so you move your hand from the top of his shoulder around to rub at the blade gently. “First of all, that’ll never happen. You’re stuck with me forever.”

You nod seriously. “Somebody’s got to put up with you.”

He pokes you in the side for that one and you have to bite your lip to keep in the squeal of laughter. “Second of all, almost? Almost everyone is going to me mad they didn’t pick me?”

“Leafs got first pick to get Auston! I just don’t think they’re going to regret that!” He pokes you again and you don’t manage to hide the squeal this time. “Matty! Everyone’s sleeping!”

“You should be nicer to me.” He tells you, once you settle down.

“I should be nicer to you? You wake me up at 3am to talk you off the ledge and I should be nicer to you?”

He nods, pulling you even closer to bury his face in your hair. “Always.”

You laugh, the sound muffled into his chest now. “Are we all good now?”

“Hmm?” He says, sounding sleepy already.

“Never mind.” You tell him, rubbing his back again. “Good night, Matty.”

“G’night.”

four

Calgary is a thousand times more incredible than you’d ever imagined. You’d been teasing Matty about being stuck in a frozen wasteland, sending him snaps from sunny gamedays at Mizzou and laughing anytime you get one in return with snow in the picture.

There’s snow on the ground when you arrive in December, fresh out of finals, and still feeling both the mental exhaustion from your exams and the hangover from a day of binge drinking with your friends immediately after they’d ended. You’ll never fly hungover again; the next time you do this, you’ll leave yourself a day of rest between exams and flying up to visit your best friend, since you know you won’t stop drinking earlier.

College is making you smarter already!

Matthew actually laughs when he meets you in the pick up lane, like puts his head on the steering wheel and has to hold off on driving. He gets honked at by the car behind him. “Your laugh is making my headache worse.” You whine.

“So I take it you don’t want the bottle of wine I bought for us to split tonight?”

You look over at him suspiciously. “What kind of wine?”

He laughs again, but softer this time. “Atta girl.”

It’s a red blend, a favorite of the two of you, but a much nicer one than you’ve ever bought before. You let out a low whistle as Matthew places the order for dinner. “Suddenly you’ve got some cash flow and Barefoot’s too good?”

“Hell yeah! Wait until you see what kind of vodka I got for us for Saturday.”

You perk up. “What’s on Saturday?”

“Party with the team before my parents come in.”

You laugh, accepting the glass of wine he pours for you. “You don’t think Big Walt would want to come to the party?”

Matty gives you a look. “I know that’s exactly what would happen and that’s why I told them to come Sunday.”

“Smart thinking.” You admit.

“See, who needs college?” He teases, which settles the two of you into your familiar teasing and banter while you wait for the food to arrive. 

It isn’t too long after dinner and Netflix that you and Matthew are heading to bed, pressing yourself as close as you can to suck up as much warmth that he’s radiating. “Fuck, your feet are cold.” Matty mutters as you giggle and press your toes into his calf.

“Haven’t you missed me?” You sling your leg over his for maximal toe digging, laughing when he jumps.

“I guess.” He says, but his tone says Absolutely.

five

“So what are your plans for after graduation?”Ashley, Sean Monahan’s girlfriend (and soon-to-be fiancee if Matty was to be believed) looks at you during a stoppage of play late in the third.

“God, don’t remind me.” You groan. You’d wrapped the fall semester of your senior year a couple days ago and then taken off to Calgary in what had become your annual post-finals trip. It’d be the last one you ever took, with your final semester of college looming over your head. 

Ashley grins. She’d become a close friend of yours over all your trips to visit Matthew, even flying down to St. Louis last season when the Flames were in town and spending a weekend with some of the other girls visiting you at school afterwards. “Just come hang out up here forever.”

You burst into laughter. “And live where?”

She gives you a look, like it’s the most obvious thing ever. “With Matt?”

“Oh my god, you’re serious.” It takes a full minute for you to recover. Play has resumed, there’s a minor scrum on the ice in front of the two of you but you barely even notice, too shocked by Ashley’s words.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because why would I ever?”

“Because you already do.” She says, with more patience than you’ve possessed in your entire life combined, and then laughs at the look on your face. “YN, what you two have is so special! To fall in love with your best friend at age three and still feel that way is amazing! If Sean and I can look at each the way you and Matt do after twenty years, we could only be so lucky.”

“We’re not in love.” You deny. “Matty and I-we’re just-we’re not.”

Ashley bites her lip, but doesn’t push it any further. “Alright.” She agrees, and thankfully, the game ends there, so you’re able to just gather your things with her and make your way down toward the family room to meet the boys.

But you can’t get her words out of your head as you and Matthew arrive back to his place and start getting ready to go to bed. You move around each other with a practiced ease, handing him the toothpaste before he even asks for it and accepting the oversized sweatshirt he passes to you, somehow knowing that you’re extra chilly tonight. 

Lying next to him in bed, the same way you have for nearly twenty years, suddenly feels suffocating. You roll onto your side, hoping for some room to breath, but now it just feels awkward; this isn’t how you sleep.

You sit up, ditching the sweatshirt. Maybe you’re just too warm. Lying back and pulling the covers back up does nothing to solve that problem, and actually, you’re shivering, so you sit back up and yank the sweatshirt back on.

“Could you settle down?” Matty mumbles, pulling you into his side the second that you’re flat again. His arm rests on your waist, thumb in the dip of your hip, a position it’s been in many times, but suddenly you think you’re having trouble breathing. You open your mouth to tell him this, but he presses a kiss to your temple and says, “Relax, just sleep.”

You don’t sleep a wink the entire night.

plus one

“What do you mean you’re not coming?” Dylan, a good friend of both yours and Matthew’s, is usually one of the most upbeat people you know, so the sound of disappointment coming throughout your phone actually makes you wince. “YN?”

“I just-” You hesitate. You’d have to leave right now in order to get to St. Louis in time to make the Skills Competitions, and even then you might be pushing it, and things were still weird for you with Matty, as evidenced by how things were between the two of you when he came home for his short Christmas break. And things were weird. Everyone noticed- your families, your friends, Matthew. The two of you had spoken only once since, in the group chat where Matthew had texted an invite to your group chat to come home for the weekend for the All Star Weekend and you’d noncommittally responded wow that’d be awesome. “I’m super busy.” You finish lamely.

Dylan sighs. “Look, YN, I don’t know what the fuck is going on between you and Matt and I don’t really care. It’s not my business. But I know he’d really want you there no matter what’s going on and I know you’ll regret not going if you don’t.”

You close your eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. He’s right. “I’ll see you in a few hours, Dyl.”

“Hell yeah,” Dylan cheers.

By the time you make it to St. Louis, you have to race to meet your friends in your seats and the cheer they send up is poorly timed, but it does make you smile. “Shitty seats.” You accept the bottle of Bud Light someone passes you.

Dylan laughs and points up to the giant platform next to you guys. “He’s going to be shooting from there in a while.”

“Alright.” You nod. “I guess this is acceptable then.”

It’s a good while before Matty and the rest of the guys participating in the Shooting Stars event start making their way up, but it’s nice to catch up with your other friends while you wait. If you got a big cheer when you rolled in, the one that goes up when Matthew walks by is deafening (and boostered by the friends of Brady’s that are sitting right behind you guys). The two of them look over at you guys, grinning already, and you see it in Matthew’s face when he spots you, the smirk softening a little and his eyes locking on you.

You’d read about moments where time stands still but it’d never actually happened to you until now. It’s like the crowd doesn’t exist around you, like you don’t actually need to breathe. The only thing that matters is the moment in time when your eyes meet Matty’s. 

And that moment’s broken by Brady shoving him forward. 

As you watch Matthew throughout the entirety of the last event, you know you’re screwed. You’ll get through this weekend, go back to school, and get over these thoughts by the time summer comes. Everything will be back to normal by the time you see Matty again.

In the meantime, you do your best to avoid him once the Skills Competition ends and you join everyone at the after party on the rooftop bar of the hotel. It’s easier than you think it would be to do. When Matty’s talking with some of your local friends, you find yourself catching up with both sets of your parents. When he starts making his way toward your parents, you excuse yourself to the bathroom. You see him make a beeline towards the bar, so you dart off in the opposite direction, where Brady is talking with a couple of his Atlantic Division teammates and push yourself in between the height of him and Auston Matthews, which seems like a safe spot to hide.

“YN!” Auston grins, throwing his hands up in the air, in a drunken greeting that you’d love to be more lowkey.

You reach up and grab them, yanking them down. “Listen, I know it’s been a while since we’ve last hung out and all, and I know from the way you talk and dress and everything about you that this is a hard thing for you to comprehend, but I’m really going to need some subtlety from you.” Next to him, Mitch and Freddie burst into laughter. “Down low, boo. Down low.”

Auston is laughing as well and you remember that while the times you’ve spent with him have been few and far between, unable to visit Matthew as frequently during his time with the NTDP as you have been in Calgary, they’ve certainly been memorable...so moments like this are unshocking to him, to say the least.

They don’t even faze Brady, who’d grown up with both you and Matthew, and is merely looking at you with an entirely too familiar smirk and a raised brow. “What’s the subtlety for, YN?”

“Fuck off, Brady.” You flip your middle finger up at him quickly but it’s just enough time for the entire group of hockey players around you to pounce. You really should have known better.

“I knew something was up!” Auston grins.

“Nothing’s up.” You deny, very poorly.

“Really?” Brady grins. “‘Cause Matt’s like right there.” He points. “On his way here. So I guess if nothing’s wrong, you can-” He starts immediately laughing when you shove your way out of them.

You think you manage to lose your best friend by pushing through a large group of players and family from the Metro and Central divisions and throwing yourself out the door to the outdoor patio, which is mostly empty, despite the unseasonably warm winter St. Louis has been experiencing. You can see Brady, Auston, and Quinn laughing together through the glass door, but Matty’s nowhere to be found, and you sit down on the closest bench, taking a minute to just breathe.

“You gotta tell me what I did.” The voice scares you, but it shouldn’t, because you really should have known better than to think that Matty wouldn’t be able to find you.

When you look over at Matty on the bench beside you, you can’t think of another time he’s looked this devastated. Maybe that semi-final loss in World Juniors? Maybe? It’s all over his face and you can’t just leave him like this any longer. “It’s not you.” You tell him, holding back tears. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it!” Matthew says, frustratedly.

“You can’t fix it!” You sniffle, trying to scoot away from him, to give yourself some distance, and feeling the tears start to fall when he closes that space again. “You can’t go back and stop Ashley from making me realize that I’m in love with you, okay? So you can’t fix this and I just-I need some time, Matty! Okay? I need some time!”

“Don’t be fucking stupid.” He breathes, like he’s only just recovered the ability to talk, which, he might have, and you tilt your head to meet his eyes, which puts you in a perfect position considering he’s already leaning toward you.

Matthew fumbles for a second, his hand reaching for your cheek and catching your ear instead with you turning, but he recovers quickly, stroking gently down the side of your face. You gasp, the kiss entirely unexpected, and Matty takes the opportunity to tug on your lip gently before pulling away and you let out a whimper at the loss of contact.

He smirks.

“Don’t be smug.” You shove at his shoulder.

“Don’t be stupid.” He repeats, pulling you closer. “How could you ever think I wouldn’t be in love with you?”

“I didn’t want to ruin us.” You tell him softly. “But I am willing to concede I was wrong.”

Matty grins. “Sure were. Can do this anytime I want now.” He kisses you again, leaving you just as breathless as before.

You suppose, at some point, that’ll start to wear off, but as the two of you trade lazy kisses on the rooftop, you can’t imagine that point ever coming. This is perfection, this is the piece of your relationship you didn’t even know was missing coming together, this is-

-Brady knocking on the window?

What?

You blink again, realizing where you’re at. Still on the rooftop bench, with your arm wrapped around Matty’s neck, your legs draped over his lap, and your face tucked into his shoulder. Matthew’s arms are wrapped around your waist, holding you close, and his head rests on top of yours. Somehow still asleep through all the banging Brady’s been doing. 

“Matty.” You poke him awake.

“What?” He groans, sitting up.

“Brady.” Matthew looks over at the window, where Brady is still gesturing that it’s time to leave, with a very smug grin on his face.  Matthew lifts one hand off your waist to flip his brother off, allowing you to climb off. 

“You couldn’t have answered any of the texts we sent you?” Brady asks, once you step inside, but he doesn’t sound annoyed at all, still looking between the two of you with the biggest grin on his face.

Matthew shrugs. “Must have fallen asleep.”

“Bullshit.”

“You just saw us!”

Brady rolls his eyes, knowingly. “Just kiss her already.”

Matty grins. “Gladly.” And then he’s pressing a heated kiss against your lips, looping his arm around your waist, and it’s all you can do to grip his arm with one hand to keep yourself standing and flip off the crowd around you with your other as whoever’s left at this after party burst into applause and wolf-whistles.

[snowwhitelass]

New Outlander Game Coming – Talking with the Game Designers

By:  Erin Conrad, June 15, 2021

Gamers Corner, TV News

Outlander game, Sony, Starz Outlander, Variable Outcomes

Who wouldn’t want to dash around the Highlands with Jamie, trying to be his favorite, and rescuing him from trouble on the way? That definitely sounds like a fun time, even if all you can do is dream about it. Or IS that all you can do?

NO! Sometime this fall, a brand new board game will debut – Outlander The Series! Designed by the husband and wife team of Matthew and Ashley Killeen, the game will let you play with a bunch of your friends, meeting familiar faces along the way, and getting in and out of all kinds of scrapes. The game will be available for holiday shopping, so you can start to set up your Outlander game nights now. I had the opportunity to talk with Matthew and Ashley about the development of this new game, and learned some details.

From the game’s marketing information: “His fate is in your hands! Step through the stones of Craigh Na Dun and run through the Scottish Highlands with the handsome Jamie. The year is 1743, and the outlaw James Fraser is at your side as you navigate the thrills and dangers of the Highlands. Use your wit, reach the right locations, make the right friends, and gather the items you need, all while keeping Jamie out of the hands of the many who would do him wrong. The gallows await fair Jamie (or worse!) should you fail. Fulfill your destiny, and win his heart. Only then will victory be yours!”

Outlander is the Killeen’s first big franchise game. “From a business point of view, it’s something I always wanted to do,” Matthew said. “I enjoy games with an IP license attached, TV show or movie, and I have designed prototypes that might be good for Ghostbusters or Star Trek. I really wanted to get into that.” Ashley knew Matthew was interested in trying a licensed game, and said “I’ve been watching Outlander, you should make a game based on that.” Matthew hadn’t yet seen the show, so he said “you do it” – and she did.

Ashley didn’t get into the show until season three. “The first version (of the game) was based on the book, because I thought that might be the avenue to go. But it ended up being more layers to secure the book rights than TV. We heard back from Starz/Sony quickly, and the show and book were similar enough that I didn’t have to change too much from initial design. I swapped out characters and items that didn’t translate from one to another. Jamie still has same event encounters, the same enemies. It’s nice to look at both sides, to really put in all those little hidden tidbits from show. I’m hoping that fans of the show will enjoy all those subtle things that I’ve put in. But the other thing we wanted to make sure was that it was not dependent upon being familiar with the show, because the last thing you want is a game with Outlander masked on top of it that doesn’t play as anything on its own. And having a lot of friends who knew nothing about Outlander, how could I get them to the table?”

Matthew said, “One of philosophies for the board game stuff was that I’ve seen games that were maybe like a movie spin on top. Is this fun or exciting because of the game, or just because of the movie or tv show tie in? And one reason, the biggest reason why I got excited was when I first played it, I had never seen the show. I knew nothing about it. I had never seen the characters, and yet, I still enjoyed it. It was a good game.” Ashley added, “He has since seen the show.” Matthew continued, “That’s another thing that’s always bothered me. I feel like if a certain publisher or game designer makes something but doesn’t know the back story, that’s lazy. As soon as I found out we were going to do this, I watched the show. I know all my lore now. I was obviously able to play the game again once I knew the show and the lore, and it made the game play better.” “You understood my decisions,” said Ashley. “Exactly,” said Matthew. “Whether you know the show or not, it’s a good game.”

Ashley discussed their process: “I started December 2019. This past December, we were finally able to go forward. We got the contract from Sony in November. It was a long process! We got approvals for the design of the game, and access to the virtual library. We could figure out images that would go with the components we had.” Once they had that, Matthew figured out the graphic design for the game.

Was Sony/Starz helpful? Enthusiastic? Ashley said, “They were enthusiastic. They didn’t really have a board game. They had Destiny Dice, but that wasn’t the same thing.” (For my review of Destiny Dice, a game that came out a couple of years ago, click here.) I’ve had reservations about this previous game, so I asked how they overcame the failings of that one to make this new game. My concern with a platform like this is that the show is so big and layered – a group of women will come together over a glass of wine or three, and are they going to be able to figure it out easily enough to have a good time in an evening? Ashley feels that the new game will let us do that. “The idea behind this was that we wanted to bring everybody to the table – people whose board games lives consisted of Scrabble for their whole lives, and those who have played campaigning, like Mage Knights, epically, every week. We want to bring both those sets to the table. It should be intuitive enough once you’ve figured out the first turn order. It’s the repetition of that, it’s just your personal strategy that changes on what you choose to do, but the game play isn’t going to change on you as you go.”

She added, “But there’s enough in there that if you are an experienced board game player, you’re not sitting there bored waiting for the next thing to happen. That was our goal, as many people at the same table as possible enjoying it at the level they’re at. You can have the game player who knows nothing about Outlander, and you can have the Outlander fan who doesn’t play board games, and they will have a good evening. We also tried to be strategic about the length, because you don’t want to have just a tease of a game, because then you can’t be really invested and immersed in that world, but we also know, especially being parents now, you don’t have time to spend four hours on a game. That’s not going to happen any more. What’s a good length? If you can watch an episode of Outlander, you can play a round. So we wanted to find something that made sense. A lot of these pieces, once you apply a little logic to it, they fell together really nicely.”

This is the first “franchise” game the Killeens have designed. The fascination with board games started in 2004, and in 2011, Matthew began to design games as hobby. “I enjoyed playing, but in between then I was going to school and forgot about it. As school was winding down, I really got into it. I created an educational game called Witchful Thinking. We’re both teachers, and when doing practicum, the teacher (that he was working with) had kids doing games for math. but they were really boring, and the kids didn’t like it at all. I remembered I had a game that worked for this! I started looking at my business from a professional point of view, filling in gaps in the market. I wanted to bring people to a table they hadn’t been to yet. Witchful Thinking is a card game – witches brewing potions, teaching math – subtraction, addition, pre-algebra, and more advanced math. It was a great educational tool.” The company has more ideas – they have an upcoming Kickstarter for a game called Tennessee James, an Indiana Jones parody (learn more here). Matthew says that the company expects to bring out many more titles – “Between the two of us, we have a backlog of designs.”

When do they expect to have this out? Matthew said definitely for the Christmas season. “I am working with manufacturers right now, trying to iron out some of those details, but we’re going to be moving into manufacturing right now. It depends on how long it takes to do the mass production plus shipping, but I would estimate this would maybe in stores (or online retailers) by October. That’s probably a good estimate.”

Did they do a lot of testing? “We needed especially non-Outlander fans to play this game. The Outlander fans, it didn’t take a lot of convincing to get them to play,” said Matthew. “Even before there were pictures on the cards, they knew the board, they knew the characters. So even if you had a blank piece of paper that just said Murtagh on it, they know what it means. I wasn’t worried about the Outlander fans, and the game play is pretty intuitive, once you go through the steps. So once you’ve done a round, you can keep going around, no problem. So we were just like, ok, you don’t know what these names mean and where these places are, but you’ve got a bit of the information, are you on board? And so far the reaction has been, yes, I feel like I’m playing a game, even if they don’t know who Jamie is or anything like that.”

He continued, “The tall and short of it is that this that this has been play tested thoroughly. It’s not broken, and the most important part is that it’s fun.” Ashley added, “It’s a nice balance of cooperative, nobody wants Jamie to come to any harm, but you still want to be his favorite. So you can get a little catty, and that’s what makes the fun. You’ll be adding something a little stronger to your tea nights once you start playing that way.”

Matthew said, “One of my strategies for play testing is that I like to try different strategies each time and see what works and what doesn’t .Ashley laughed, “You played mean one time.” “Yeah, it’s my wife, I’ve got to play nice, right? But one time, I didn’t play nice, and I took a competitive edge, and it was awesome,” he said. So players, remember that!

“When I was working on Witchful Thinking, I was looking to put it into Walmart and Target. But they don’t want to talk to the independent company, they want to make sure they’re getting multiple products from the same distributors. So we want to make sure that the distributors that we get are also trying to get the game out there. I do have distribution in the US for Witchful Thinking, and they’re excited to take on this one.”

What was your favorite part of the game, as you play it, I asked? Ashley said, “I like the QuickSave. This is a component we have because Jamie is always going to move in a predictable pattern, and the three villains he’s trying to avoid – Black Jack Randall, the Redcoats and the Watch – those are all the Meeples that are going to be moving around. As you are collecting friends along the way, if you happen to be en route to an Encounter, you can use the special abilities from your friends. So maybe it’s Dougal who is going to be discarded, and that will be a Quicksave to put Jamie back in hiding, so the game’s not over, you haven’t captured him yet. I like that idea, the Quicksave. So you’re strategizing, not just for what’s going to give you a lot of Favor from Jamie to try to win his heart in the game, but where are these people going to help me if Jamie is in a pickle. Because he’s going to get himself in a lot of pickles.”

As he does on the show, I said! Ashley continued, “And as a designer, that’s a fun way for me to tie in the personality of the characters. There’s a reason why they have the values that they do. There was a little argument between us in the design phase, because I made Willie – Willie Mackenzie from the first season – he has this hidden kind of superpower that most of the time, he’s a bit weaker, but when the danger level’s up, he’s strong. Matt was criticizing that, ‘he’s a minor character, why is he so strong?’ But you haven’t been paying attention. Because when Jamie’s in Wentworth, it’s Willie who’s willing to go. So that’s his power, when things are toughest, he’s the one that can save the most. I was having fun finding those little nuggets, the lore, that fans love, and if you’re paying attention to how I’ve designed it, you’ll start seeing like why you get more Favor in some places, or more Wit, or why you have the saving abilities.”

The women playing will like seeing that, I agreed. “I think that we’ve got it so that your favorite characters, from S1 at least, this is just in the Highlands, you’re going to see them, I think they’ll do you proud,” Ashley says. “We’re still excited about it, even though it’s been a year and a half doing it, so I think that says something about it, that we can still be passionate about it, little choices like that, I think the game has life.” Ashley told me that she has ideas for additional Outlander games to follow each season, so this may go on for quite a while!

As their cute kids came into the room, I asked if game design was full time, or is this an extra job? Ashley said, “I’m a full time teacher, so I’m squeezing this in between the report card writing and the classroom stuff. With a bunch of changes with Covid, it’s made more sense for Matthew to stay home, so we decided to go all in, make this run for itself.” Matthew said, “I can speak from the graphic design standpoint – I didn’t design the gameplay, Ashley did that, but I offered suggestions here and there, it was her decision on things, and she made some great decisions. And between that, I did the playtesting and the graphic design in January and early February, I’ve put in hundreds of hours, not just with the graphic design, but also the business stuff too, figuring out social media posts, getting things approved by Sony, talking with the distributors. So this has been not just like a full time job, but overtime, I’ve put in some serious hours for this.”

Since this is the company’s first big license, I asked if is this something they want to continue. “Absolutely,” Matthew said. “And I knew that when I turned this into a hobby back in 2011. I enjoy making board games. I enjoying making movies, watching movies, reading books, all that stuff. I needed some sort of creative outlet. And this was it. I enjoy tabletop games, so I found a business that I’m passionate about. But I found over the years, since I am a small business, I had to learn everything. I can do the game design, I can do the graphic design, the IP stuff, social media, the PR, distribution. I have all those experiences, so if I can continue this, I’ll be very happy.”

Price point for the game should be $48.99 CA (US equivalent is about $40). And it will be available in the US, and more – Matthew says, “The territories we have with Sony are Canada, USA, UK, Australia and France. We’re a small family run company, but at the same time, this is a big license. So we want to do the fans proud, we want to do this IP proud, so we want to give the biggest reach that we can.” Ashley said, “We’re limited because we’re not the distributors, so once we put it in those hands, it’s really up to those stores that want to put it on their shelves. So until we know where they’re placing it, I can’t tell you ‘oh, pick it up here.’ ” Matthew agreed. “I have experience with all of that, so when I made Witchful Thinking and released that, I had a hard time getting distribution. So I went store to store, city to city, and I made those contacts myself. For me as a business owner, I’m not just one of those owners who throws money out and does it. I have experience in all these aspects. So when this game comes out, let’s say that distribution doesn’t have as far of a reach as possible, I’ll make it happen. With Covid especially, the online market is important.”

“From a business standpoint, we’re a new company,” Matthew said. “It seems that we’re very new to this but that’s not really the case. This game has been been in development for a long time, and between the two of us we have 20+ games in prototypes. So we definitely know how to make games, and make games fun. And the fact that we’re both teachers, I think makes it even better. Because as teachers, we have to know how to sell to an audience.” ” And explain the games,” Ashley added.

PRE-ORDER THE GAME RIGHT HERE! Three if by Space has the game available for pre-orders in our Collectibles shop!! Click here to go to the pre-order page!

[bqstqnbruin]

Four times he told them you were a friend and once he said you were his girlfriend

So this is sort of kind of what was requested, but I just did the same thing with Quinn Hughes and this idea came to me, so I hope you like this! Anyway it’s 2 am and I haven’t read through this so if there are typos ignore them (or point them out then maybe I’ll actually fix them). 

This is the LONGEST thing I’ve written as one solid piece (it’s around 6.6k words, which I’ve never done before so that’s fun).

But keep supporting BLM, keep supporting organizations like GLSEN, just be a good person. Ok cool, you’re all great people, don’t worry.

______________

I

“Ok, hot guys at ten o’clock,” Ashley starts shaking your arm, sending your drink spilling all over your hand. 

“Watch it!” you say, trying to steady the drink before you waste six dollars of beer, “Which ones, there’s like eight guys over there.” She can’t stop staring at the group of guys, all of them wearing very similar outfits of plain, tight-fitting t-shirts that show off their obviously fit bodies and a pair of jeans, ranging from light wash to black. A man’s wardrobe was a mystery.

“I want to go talk to them,” she says.

“Then go talk to them,” 

“You’re coming with me.”

“Ash, why would I go talk to a group of boys when I’m here with Nick?”

“Because he’s not your boyfriend, you’re just fucking him and he is a hundred percent talking to other girls right now, so what’s the harm of flirting with another guy?” You exhale, knowing that she was right. As soon as you got to the bar, Nick left you to get drinks and you found him thirty minutes later without a drink for you and talking to a pretty redhead about who knows what. “You know I’m right. And that one has been checking you out anyway. Worst case you get a free drink or two and never see the boy again.” 

You make eye contact with the curly-haired boy Ashley mentioned. He was pretty beautiful, and you had to admit that you melted a little when he smiled at you “Fine, let’s go,” you say, rolling your eyes as she squealed and dragged you over to the guys.

“Is it a common habit of yours to just stare at a girl before she succumbs and comes over to you or do you ever make the first move?” you say, standing in front of the curly-haired boy.

“Normally I would go up to them but I guess you beat me to it. And it looks like your friend already has her hold on Noah, so I guess both of you are pretty ambitious,” he says, nodding over to Ashley, who is already dragging Noah to the bar with her probably so they can get drunk together. 

“Yeah, that seems right. Plus he’s hot, so I’d probably do the same,” you shrug as the boy moves over and motions for you to sit down. “So if that’s Noah, who are you?” 

“I don’t know if I should tell you if you just called my friend hot and not me,” he jokes, leaning in a little closer, but Hanny is a pretty beautiful man so I’m not too offended. I’m Matthew.” 

You can’t help but laugh at him; the amount of confidence he had in calling his friend beautiful was refreshing, Nick would be weird about it and start trying to make jokes that were never funny. You tell him your name and just start talking with him. There was something there between the two of you, but you were technically with Nick. But like Ashley said, what was the harm of flirting a little bit? 

“So why are you here tonight?” Matthew asks you, getting up and leading you to the bar.

“One of my friends landed his dream job so we came to celebrate,” you tell him, motioning over to the group of boys standing at the other end of the bar. 

“Which friend, I’ll buy him a drink,” he offers.

“The one next to that guy with the redhead draped over him.”

“Do you know him? They’re talking to each other.”

“Yeah, the girl is holding my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” he asks, nearly spitting out his beer. You didn’t seem like the type of girl who would try to cheat on her boyfriend, especially with him standing right there, and he really didn’t want to be involved in any sort of weird sexcapades with a girl he just met.

“Sort of, kind of, not really. We’re hooking up and we like each other, I think, but clearly we can hook up with other people. Or at least, he can hook up with other people,” you say, feeling weirdly sad all of a sudden. Of course, you liked Nick, how could you not? He was sweet, smart, funny, he was there for you when you needed him, but damn as soon as a girl looked at him the right way it was like you weren’t there until you called for him. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m telling you that. You just seem like someone I can tell things to.” 

“I’ve gotten that before. Then my dad says that I have a face that you can’t help but want to punch, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you swung that way, too,” he says, laughing, the curls on his head bouncing along with him, “But can I give you some advice?” 

“Sure, why not?” you say, making eye contact with Nick, him flashing a cute smile and waving at you.

“If you both liked each other and you want to be together, which at least, you want to be, then you need to say something sooner rather than later to him. You’re pretty cool, and you deserve someone that makes you happy. Right now it seems like it’s him,” he says, nodding over to where to Nick was, the redhead sending daggers in your direction. 

Before you know it, Nick’s arms are finding their way around your waist, him kissing your cheek before nestling his chin on your shoulder. “Hey, who’s this?” he asks.

“A new friend,” Matthew says, smiling at you. 

II

Your phone buzzed with a text saying that he was ready to leave, even though you still needed another five minutes before you could even think about getting your shoes on. You dial him quickly, praying he doesn’t take long to pick up the phone as you throw it on speaker and run around your room trying to find the jewelry you wanted to wear. “You’re coming up here and helping me finish getting ready unless you want to wait another twenty minutes minimum. The doors open just come to my room,” you spit out at him before he even has the chance to finish saying ‘hello.’

You hear him mumbling something on the other end as he slams the door to his apartment to make his way to yours. By coincidence, he lived four floors above you, allowing for easy access when both of you had free time to just sit and watch a movie, or for nights like these when you were struggling to finish getting ready for the night. 

“I’m here!” you hear Matthew call from the living room, walking to your room. “I cannot have the guys chirping me for being late tonight, especially when I got the time wrong last time and showed up an hour in,” he says, walking into your room. “You’re a mess.”

Your hair and makeup were done, but your dress was still unzipped due to your lack of flexibility to zip it, your necklace that you were going to wear was somewhere in the room but you had no idea where it would be, and you still had no clue what shoes you were going to wear. “Which is why you’re here so I can be less of a mess. Come here and zip me up, then pick out shoes for me to wear. Please? Please, please, please?” you beg.

He shakes his head and can’t help but laugh at how frazzled you can get when you’re on a time crunch. “You’re lucky I like you enough to even bring you to this event,” he says, doing as you ask. You could feel yourself tensing up as he slowly brought the zipper up, his hand at the bottom holding the zipper straight. You turn around to him, goosebumps all over you as you get a good look at him in his suit. Damn was he handsome. “Are you sure that Nick is alright with me taking you to this thing?”

“As long as I don’t hook up with anyone, he really doesn’t care. It’s not like any of you guys are a threat to our relationship, anyway,” you say as you try to find this necklace. 

Matthew couldn’t help but feel a little upset over that comment. He loved that you were happy while dating Nick, and he genuinely seemed like a great guy for you, but part of him wondered what it would be like if you were together. “Well, a lot of them are already taken anyway, so unless there are a lot of strange single men roaming around the Flames Casino Night, I think you’re safe.” He picks up a pair of shoes for you to wear, praying that they actually go with your outfit and don’t kill your feet, something you had complained to him about during multiple nights out. Apparently, asking why you had shoes that hurt your feet was a dumb thing to do. 

“Perfect!” you say, taking the shoes from him, trying to get them on without having to sit down. “And I found the necklace, so once this is on and I find where I put my bag, we’re good to go.” 

“What could you possibly be bringing with you that you need a bag?” he groans, knowing that you were going to make them late. 

“Keys, money, ID, lipstick for reapplying, tissues,” you start to list off as he rolls his eyes. “Ok, fine. But I don’t have pockets to hold things, so I need a bag.”

“I can hold the keys, money, and ID if you say you don’t need the other things and we can just go.”

“But what about my phone, I don’t want to hold it all night.”

He takes the stuff you hand him, grabbing your hand and dragging you out the door. “I have big enough pockets, don’t worry. These aren’t like female pockets where you could basically hold a penny and worry about it falling out.” 

“That is not my fault and you had to know that was going to start a feminist rant from me as soon as you said it,” you start as you get into the Uber that was somehow already waiting for you outside. He laughs as you start going off about the sexist issues in women’s fashion, something he has heard more than enough times. At this point, he could probably recite the rant back to you word for word. 

He listened to you better than Nick did; sure Nick listened, but when you talked to Matthew it was like he hung onto every word, trying to remember every detail down to how your eyebrow cocked as you said each sentence. Nick normally was just mentally undressing you until he could actually undress you. Not that you weren’t happy with Nick, but you couldn’t really help but wonder if you should be with Matthew or if he really was just your best friend. 

Your rant lasted the entire ride to the event, Matthew doing everything in his power not to laugh at how passionate you were about stuff like this. He knew that you wanted to spend your life making a difference, and it helped that you were able to dive into an issue and find a reason to fix it. 

“Ok, so you don’t have to play any of the games, the drinks I think are free for the most part but as we know I can be wrong an have been wrong before, and if you want your money, not to sound like a weirdly protective boyfriend, just come and find me.” Matthew tells you as you get out of the car. You loved coming to these events, and Matthew’s inability to hold onto a girl for longer than a few weeks, and his overall lack of female friends meant that you got to come to all of the events as his date.

“If it’s not free I’ll just find the nearest hot man and flirt with him until he buys something for me, kind of like the night we met,” you joke, taking in the sights and sounds of the event around you. Everyone in the Flames organization was there and then some, so maybe that was a possibility.

“Actually, Nick bought you drinks once he noticed you talking to me, I never actually bought you anything,” he points out, a little bite in his tone.

“Ok, snippy,” you shoot back, “Have fun, I’ll be at the bar.” You leave his side just as Noah went over to him, working your way through the crowd to the bar. 

“There’s no way you already said something to piss her off, man. You just got here,” Noah says, dragging Matthew by the arm over to one of the tables.

“She brought up the night we met.”

“I still can’t believe that you convinced her to go for that guy instead of just asking her out yourself. What’s his name, Mick?”

“It’s Nick. How many people do you know named Mick?”

“Not the point.”

“Ok, fine. I didn’t ask her out because I saw how she looked at him. And she called him her boyfriend.”

“Which he wasn’t. And you could have been. She looks at him the way she looks at me, and as far as I know, I’m not her boyfriend. But I’ve seen how you look at each other. She sees you differently.” Noah pats him on the back, leaving him at the Blackjack table to fend for himself. He looks up to you, a guy with his back towards him leaning against the bar talking to you. You make eye contact and roll your eyes at him, biting your lip signaling that this guy was a total dud.

“Is that your girlfriend?” the stranger next to Matthew asks him, following his gaze to you. “She’s hot.”

“Nope, just a friend.”

III

“Who is this that’s getting married today?” you ask Matthew from the bathroom of the hotel room you were sharing with him, Brady and Taryn. 

“A family friends daughter, I think her name is Isabella?” Brady answers instead, throwing an apple in the air and trying to catch it, only for Matthew to jump and snatch it before he can.

“Boys!” you yell as they start to wrestle each other for it. “Come on, if either of you leave this hotel room with a black eye we all know that your parents are going to assume it’s Matthew’s fault and then none of us can go to the reception.”

“Sorry,” they both mumble, Matthew handing back the apple to Brady. 

“I like her. Please keep her around. I need more feminine energy when I’m around you two,” Taryn says from behind you, both of you fixing your hair in the mirror.

“Why did you get to bring a date and I couldn’t?” Brady asks his brother, you and Taryn rolling your eyes.

“Because the girls you know wouldn’t be able to pay their way and Y/N has an actual job with an actual income so I wouldn’t have to foot her bill.”

“I thought you did get a plus one and you just had no one to bring?” you yell to them, Taryn trying not to burst out laughing.

“You’re not even Matthew’s girlfriend!” Brady protests, Matthew’s face getting red. 

Brady knew that he liked you; the first time the family met you, he had picked up on it right away. Taryn had a feeling something was going on, but she wasn’t about to poke fun at Matthew for it like Brady would.

“I’m a girl who’s a friend which is more than what you have apparently,” you fire back, causing Brady’s face to turn red in return. 

“Are you two almost done?: Matthew whines, checking his watch. He was the one in charge of getting the four of you to the wedding, and if you were late, he was definitely getting yelled at for it.

“Yeah, yeah, we know, we need to hurry up. The wedding starts in an hour and it’s a five minute walk down the street and from the sounds of it, your parents haven’t even left either, so you can wait the few seconds it’s going to take us to finish getting ready,” you say, coming out of the bathroom to get your shoes on. As soon as Matthew saw you, he felt himself stop breathing. Any time you were dressed up he got that way. He felt that way when he saw you for every charity event, yet he never told you, he felt that way when you met that night at the bar. Damn, he hated the friend zone. 

“Yeah,” Taryn says, following you out and plopping down on the bed beside you to get her shoes on. “What?” Taryn says when her brothers shoot her weird looks, “She said everything, why can’t I just agree with her?” 

The four of you make your way down to the lobby of the hotel to start on your way to the wedding venue. It was at a different hotel than the one you were staying at, down the street as you walked through the center of Chicago. You all look great walking down the street as Brady let the way with Taryn by his side. You and Matthew were a few paces behind, your feet already hurting from the shoe that you knew you were going to take off as soon as you got to the reception.

A guy catcalls you, something you just ignore as Matthew yells, “That’s my girlfriend,” at the guy as he pulling you in by the waist, glaring at the guy as you walk by. 

All you can do is roll your eyes at both of them. Matthew still wasn’t used to girls being hit on in the streets by guys, so whenever you were out with him, any girl who was hit on in an unwanted manner suddenly was his girlfriend until the man was out of sight. 

“Thanks,” you say, Taryn and Brady waiting for you outside the door of the hotel as Matthew drops his arm from your waist, praying that neither of them saw you keep it there longer than he needed to. 

“She has a boyfriend, remember,” Brady whispers to his brother as he lets you and Taryn in before them.

“Don’t you think I know that? I would do that for anyone,” Matthew hisses back.

“Do you look as comfortable with them as you did with her?” 

“Shut up, Brady.” 

“Yeah, shut up, Brady,” Taryn says, causing you to burst out laughing. Taryn was probably your favorite of the three Tkachuks, but you could never tell Matthew that.

“You don’t even know what we were talking about?” Brady says, confused.

“I don’t have to know to tell you to shut up.”

“If any of you kill each other, it’s not my fault,” you say, grabbing Matthew and going to find seats. 

Brady and Taryn follow each other, his parents finding you not long after. They still didn’t know you very well other than as Matthew’s ‘best friend that isn’t a hockey player.’ You sit with them through the wedding, your leg shaking for no reason other than the fact that you’ve always had a hard time staying still. Matthew lays his hand on your thigh to try to calm you down, which worked a little, only for you to start shaking the other leg. 

“Can you stop?” Matthew whispers to you, a smile on his face and his hand still on your thigh. You can feel his dad looking at the scene unfolding, his eyebrow raised like he does whenever Matthew does something that catches his eye.

“Physically, no. You should know that by now,” you whisper back, Brady shushing you so he can pretend to listen to what was going on.

You sit through the rest of the wedding, not noticing that Matthew’s hand is still on your thigh. He knew he had it there, though. His entire family say it there. Matthew couldn’t focus on what was being said in front of him as Isabella got married to whoever the hell Oliver was in her life. You had a boyfriend. Nick was still in the picture. You two had just celebrated your two year anniversary a little while ago, which means that you and Matthew had met a little over two years ago, too. He was well aware of when it was, but to you, it seemed like it didn’t matter. The last two years made it feel like you had known him forever, so who cared?

“I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss the bride!” whoever was giving the wedding said, everyone around you cheering as you stood up and Matthew finally took his hand off your thigh to clap along with everyone else. 

“Is it bad that the only thing that I really want from this wedding is the open bar?” Matthew leans over to you, praying that his parents don’t hear him because they’ll scold him for it.

“No, because that is exactly where I will be for the night,” you say as everyone starts heading to the room where the reception is. 

“So, wait, you haven’t talked about you and Nick in a while. How are things going with that? He’s alright with you coming as my date to this, right?” Matthew says, leaning against the bar. 

“Uh, he thinks that I’m visiting Ashley in Winnipeg,” you say, hating that you admit that you were lying to your boyfriend about where you were this weekend.

“Why would he think that?” All of Matthew knew this was a bad thing: lately, Nick seemed to be getting upset with you about how much time you had been spending with him in your apartments rather than going out with Nick to a bar every single weekend. 

“Because he would get pretty mad at me if I told him that I was with you in another country for a wedding.” 

“You didn’t have to come with me if you didn’t want to. You know that I don’t want you to feel like you have to come with me to stuff, especially if it’s going to cause problems with you and Nick,” he says, not making eye contact with you.

“He’s not allowed to tell me that I can’t be friends with you. If he has an issue with it, then he needs to say something about it,” you say as the bartender comes over to you and takes your drink order.

“But then why did you lie?”

“I didn’t want to come to the wedding just going through a breakup, because he would a hundred percent dump me if I told him I was with you right now.” 

“Y/N/N. If he’s like that then why don’t you just dump him? I mean, you’re amazing. But a guy shouldn’t have to control who you spend time with in order to see that,” he says, his hand finding your arm. 

“Aw, I love you, Matty,” you tell him, putting your hand on his. The bartender comes back with your drink, you taking it and turning towards the rest of the wedding, “I’m going to go get food. I’ll see you at the table?” 

Matthew nods, watching you walk away. The bartender, doing the same thing says, “You’re a lucky man,”

“Sorry?”

“To have someone like her as a girlfriend?”

“Oh, no. She’s just my friend.”

IV

Ice cream? Check. No romance movies in sight? Check. A big bottle of wine that you were planning on drinking without a glass? Check. Snuggled in your favorite hoodie that you may or may not have stolen from Matthew? Check.

You turn on Dead Poets Society, the only movie you can think of that doesn’t have more than ten minutes of romance so that you don’t start crying over the fact that you just dumped Nick a little over a week ago, even though it had been coming for a long time. You came back from the wedding with Matthew to find that Nick had been following your location on Snapchat and saw that you were in the States and not in Winnipeg. You got into a huge fight, ending it by screaming, “I would rather be with Matthew than with you, so we’re done,” and you storming out of his place and driving back to yours sobbing. The only person you had told so far was Matthew, and you were still, for some reason upset about it. Probably because you wasted more than two years of your life on the wrong person when you could have been with the one your friends told you to be with the entire time. 

Robin Williams is having his students recite lines of poetry and then kick the ball as hard as they can when a picture of you and Matthew being slightly drunk idiots at the wedding pops up on your phone. 

“What?” you answer, angry that your sad-fest was being interrupted by him.

“You’re too pretty to be sitting at home alone and single on a Saturday night. I’m coming over in twenty minutes with a pizza and the two of us are going out,” he says on the other end, hanging up before you can say otherwise. You did say you would rather spend your time with Matthew instead of Nick, so why not start now?

But that didn’t mean you were going to be moving from the couch until he came, it was early enough that you didn’t need to start getting ready until after you ate. 

On cue, Matthew starts banging on your door, yelling for you to let him in. “You can’t wear my sweatshirt out tonight,” he says, walking past you and plopping down on the couch.

“I’m getting dressed after we eat, calm down,” you say, taking a piece of pizza and shoving it in your mouth. 

“Hey, I know you’re upset, which is why we’re going out tonight to get your mind off him Plus, one, he was a jackass, two, he was controlling, and three, it’s my fault anyway,” Matthew says, his eyes not leaving the pizza.

“How is it your fault?”

He looks at you, his curls moving slightly as he turned his head faster than you were expecting, “You were fighting because you were lying about spending time with me, and I’m the one who encouraged you to be with him in the first place. And I have been kicking myself for that every day since,” the last part he mutters under his breathe, you not even catching that he said it.

“I should have broke it off with him when he started getting mad about who I was spending time with. He was never mad about me spending time with Ashley, he just didn’t want me spending time with you. He was jealous of you.”

“Me? Why?” His heart was racing. Guys maybe dumb on the outside, but they know when another guy is into their girl, even if they don’t act on it.

“He always thought that you liked me, or something,” you say, laughing as you bight into the pizza. Maybe a part of you always liked him, too. You finish the piece, taking another one to bring to your room so you can start getting ready. “I’ll be back in like twenty minutes? Do I need to put on makeup, do you think?”

“How much do you care and how long will it take?”

“Not enough and too long.”

“Then no.”

“Sweet,” you say, going to your room with the pizza hanging out of your mouth. You get ready in what was probably record time, throwing on a crop top and jeans, your hair in a ponytail and just putting on mascara instead of doing a full face of makeup. “I need another piece before we go get drunk,” you tell him, throwing your bag down and taking another piece.

“I was planning on finishing this entire thing and then leaving, so hurry up, there are two more pieces.”

“One for you, one for me?” you suggest, reaching for the piece. You were already feeling better, seeing that he put away the ice cream for you, leaving the bottle of wine out in case you wanted to drink it, even though he had already been drinking from the bottle while you were getting ready. None of you cared, you just knew that it meant he would be buying you a drink tonight. 

You both down the pizza, bringing the box with you on the way down to the Uber, excited to go out and just forget about Nick. “Where are we going?” you ask Matthew. He ordered the Uber, only telling you that it was somewhere you had been before. 

“It’s only fitting that we go back to the last bar you went to as a single woman now that you are, again, a single woman,” Matthew says, getting you out of the car in front of the bar you met at. You can’t help at how excited he was to be there, you actually hadn’t been to that bar since that night you met Matthew. The two of you beeline to the bar, Matthew ordering you a drink.

“So, this is going on your tab since you drank my wine, right?” you say, him rolling his eyes at you.

“That bottle was so big, there was no way could have noticed that!” he let’s out.

“Don’t mess with a girl and her wine.” 

He rolls his eyes again, pulling you in for a hug and kissing your head. “You’re gonna make some guy really lucky,” he laughs, as you smile and rest your head on his shoulder. 

“Here’s for you,” the bartender says, coming back with two drinks and handing the first one to Matthew, “and here’s for your girlfriend?” 

“Nah, just a friend,” he says, smiling at you as you playfully shove him. ‘Friends for now,’ he thinks to himself.

+one

Thank god he gave you his debut card or else this would not be an order you could afford on your own. Plus, it was his family that was flying in; when he met your family, you paid for the baked goods. His family was just bigger and more anxious so come see him since he was spending the summer here in Calgary with you instead of at home with them like he normally does. 

“Hi, sweetie,” one of the older ladies who works at the bakery says when she sees you waiting, “Your usual for you and Matthew?”

Part of you hated that you had a usual order there, but the other part of you simply didn’t care that you frequented a local business enough that they know you. “Not today, actually. Matthew called in an order earlier in the week for pick up? It should be under his name.” 

She goes into the back where they keep the orders, “Tkachuk?” she calls out, as you reach to take the order. 

As your hand reaches to get the box, someone else goes for it, too. “Oh, sorry!” you say before seeing who it is. “Mr. Tkachuk, how are you?”

“Hi, Y/N, how are you doing? And come on, I’ve told you to call me Keith,” Matthew’s dad insists.

“I’m good, uh, Keith, I’m actually picking up this stuff for you guys tonight,” you say, gesturing to the large boxes of pastries Matthew had apparently ordered. You had no idea what he got, but all you know is if he didn’t have the lemon meringue mini pie that you loved, you were throwing hands. The other thing you knew was that Matthew’s parents and siblings were in Calgary to meet his new girlfriend. They knew he had been dating her for a while, that she lived with him, and that they already knew her. They didn’t know you were her. 

“And here I am ordering stuff Chantal insisted we bring for you guys tonight. I know what Matthew loves, but what about his girlfriend, do you know her? What does she like?” he asks, squinting at the hand-written over head menu. 

“Uh, yeah, I know her pretty well. She loves the lemon meringue mini pies. It’s kind of a coin toss as to whether or not Matthew remembers to order them for her.” 

“That boy,” Keith says, shaking his head, “Guess he’s not going to be with this girl for that long if he can’t even think enough to get something she loves.” 

You feel yourself not breathing at what he just said. Shit. Does he mean that Matthew doesn’t care enough about you to remember something as simple as a dessert that you like or that you would get fed up with it and end up breaking up with him. “Um, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see,” you say, trying to stop your voice from shaking. You’ve met his family plenty of times; but them not knowing you were officially dating was keeping you on the edge. 

“Are you walking over to Matthew’s place or did you drive?” Keith says, not taking his eyes off of the case full of desserts. 

“I walked, but I still have some other stuff to pick up while Matthew gets dinner finished,” you tell him, trying to inch your way towards the door without seeming overly rude. 

“Alright then, we’ll see you at Matthew’s,” Keith says, still not looking up. Thank god, because the amount you were probably sweating would have been a little suspicious. 

On your way out, you call Matthew. “Hey, babe, what’s up?” he says on the other end, the sound of pans clattering in the background. “Ah, fuck.”

“What did you drop?” you say, knowing him well enough.

“One of the pans, what else did it sound like?” he says.

“Was there food in it?” you ask. Nothing but silence from his end for a solid five seconds before you start, “What do I need to pick up on my way home now?” 

“More sweet potatoes,” he says in a small voice, “Oh, and more Brussel sprouts.” 

“You dropped both?” you say, going into the grocery store, arms already dull of the pastries. You really didn’t think this through with the walking and how much you were going to have to carry.

“No, I just already ate most of the sprouts and my mom said she was looking forward to them.”

You can’t help but laugh at him. A tough guy on the ice, but dear lord was he a child when it came to so much else. “Your dad didn’t mention anything about that when I saw him.”

“When did you see him?” he asks, another thing hitting the floor in the background, “Fuck! Can you get more cinnamon, too?” 

“Ok, babe, you need to close things after you’re done with them so if they fall on the floor they don’t spill everywhere. And I just ran into him at the bakery, they should be on their way soon,” you tell him, picking out the vegetables he wanted.  

“Good, my mom can help me clean then,” he lets out. “But what did my dad say, he normally puts his foot in his mouth without trying to.”

“Well, he asked me what your girlfriend would want for dessert and then said that if you can’t remember to get her what she likes then the relationship would be ending sooner rather than later.” 

“Hey, that was one time I forgot to get you a lemon meringue pie and that was because I went when you were literally on the way to the airport for that conference,” he defends himself, making you laugh again. You probably looked like a maniac since you had your AirPods in with your hair covering your ears, but this was probably a normal scene in today’s society anyway. “But, hey, you’ve moved in already. I’m in this for the long haul, buttercup.” 

You can’t help but smile when he says that as you try to check out by balancing the desserts in one hand while trying to find your wallet with the other. “Buttercup? There’s a whole world of pet names and NHL tough guy Matthew Tkachuk chooses ‘buttercup?’”

“Fine, then your nickname is...” he hesitates, “Garlic Powder.”

On your way back home, you stop out of shock from what he just said, “You really just opened the cabinet above the stove and called me the first thing you saw, didn’t you?” 

“Maybe,” he says, again in a small voice. In the background, you can hear someone trying to get in to come up to us, hopefully, his family. “The rest of the Tkachuks are here, how far away are you?”

“I’m a block away, so I’ll be there soon.” 

“Alright, see you soon. I love you.”

“Love you, too.” 

He hangs up, leaving you to walk back the rest of the way with just your thoughts. He’s in this for the long haul, but a father knows his son. On the other hand, it’s not like he pulls stuff like that all the time; that really was just one time and he’s made up for it in more ways than one. 

You get to your building, mentally cursing the fact that you didn’t ask him to have someone wait to help you bring the stuff up. Trying to balance everything was going to end worse than Matthew in the kitchen, but he insisted on cooking for his family as you finally told them you were dating. 

“Hi!” you say, struggling to open the door as Brady rushes to you and starts taking the boxes from you. “Thanks, Brady.” 

“We thought you would be the girlfriend,” he admits, following you into the kitchen where Matthew is with his mom, still cleaning up the cinnamon from the floor. 

“Don’t worry, you already know her.” 

“Oh, really?” Brady questions. Matthew had been keeping his girlfriend a secret for a while, but he had his suspicions as to who it was for a while regardless. 

“Dinner’s ready!” Chantal calls, her and Matthew bringing the food from the kitchen over to the table. 

“I guess we’re having the sweet potatoes another time?” you ask Matthew, a little annoyed that you had to make the extra trip.

“They brought some with them and they’re in the oven now? As soon as they came in my mom goes, ‘You always knock something over, so we figured we’d bring vegetables with us.’ Taryn couldn’t keep a straight face,” Matthew says, visibly upset by this.

You roll your eyes and bring him in for a hug, his entire family out of sight as he kisses you on the top of your head. “They just know you well.” You steal a quick kiss, him following you over to the table where his family is already helping themselves to the food he had made.

“So, where is this girlfriend of yours?” Keith asks, eying both of you. It’s very possible they already knew you were dating; there were six places set and they probably figured out that you were staying for dinner. 

“Well, Y/N is my girlfriend, now.” Matthew says, bringing you in for a side hug.

“I thought you were dating at the wedding?” Keith asks, “You had your hand on her leg the entire time, and it was pretty obvious something was going on.”

“Uh, no, that was a year ago, we’ve been together for about eight months now?” you say, looking at him. He shrugged it off, wanting to pretend that he had no idea. But he knew it was eight months, two weeks and a day since he asked you to be his girlfriend. 

[writerscarlet]

Episode 128 Predictions That Came True *Spoilers*

So I made predictions for episode 128 and some of them came true! You can find those predictions here. 

Which ones came true? Find out below! WARNING: THERE ARE SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY

Essek Thelyss has more to be anxious about (poor elf is gonna have so much anxiety) I swear, I’m more worried about this fictional character than my own wellbeing. That’s totally fine right? Right?

Fluffernutter Not a single fluffernutter... I was really hoping for a fluffernutter against Trent. Would have been hilarious!

Traveler shenanigans Artagen (AKA The Traveler) only appeared once, I believe- in the beginning when he teleported Jester, Caleb, and Veth out of hell Vergessen Sanitorium. 

Jester and Fjord try to share a moment I’m not one to go crazy for ships, this prediction was just a fan service

Beau and Yasha try and share a moment. New relationships are hard. New relationships are hard. But again, fan service. I care more for the story and the individual characters than the romantic pairings. But I will say, Yasha and Beau are an interesting dynamic.

Caleb’s traumatic experiences and how he was totally affected by the asylum is addressed A lot of people were saying that what happened could have been seen as a regression and like, no??? You don’t just... get over trauma. Even years down the line, seeing something that reminds you of your trauma can still trigger you. 

There is not a plan Surprisingly, this episode did feature making a plan. Now, will this plan fall through like all plans do when it comes to the Mighty Nein? Probably. I mean, come on! This is The Mighty Nein we’re talking about!

A plan is created I seriously hope it doesn’t fall through. Or that if it does, Essek comes to save them because, you know, I do love me some hot boi moments. 

A plan is created but it’s followed for exactly five seconds. See previous.

Mollymauk grief I was actually kind of surprising M9 didn’t end up in Eiselcross. 

Lucien being a dick Not one mention of Lucien this episode. What the fuck you planning Mercer?

Might Nein decide Lucien ain’t Zuko, there is no redemption arc. Look, I’m a pessimist. I doubt Mollymauk is ever coming back. And I do hope m9 sees that, besides we don’t want a TPK. Like, no TPK thank you very much.

Additional predictions:

Beauregard ain’t no slowregard This one was just a joke. Caduceus makes tea out of a dead guy No tea this episode. Wah.

Laura makes a sex joke This episode was way too serious.

Notebook hat ft. Marisha’s beautiful smile  Also a joke.

Matthew fucking Mercer ending it all on a goddamn cliffhanger I don’t need sleep, I NEED ANWSERS!

Ashley would like to rage Not a lot of combat this episode. Just an observations.

I would like to rage I need Essek fucking Thelyss to be okay.

We all would like to rage We need anwsers!

[ponreviews]

The Circle US Season 3: Alliances Run Deep

Category: Reality TV, Competition

Overall Rating: 5/10

Synopsis:

The Circle is back with new faces (real or otherwise)!! Watch these lovable (debatable) characters compete for $100k by building relationships, forming alliances and taking each other down all while being locked in their apartment. From an MIT techie to a 52 year old southern belle, this group of Circle contestants really know how to bring the heat in competition.

[SPOILERS FROM SEASON 3 AHEAD]

Review:

WOO This is a long one! I needed some time to get my thoughts in order, and as you can tell by my rating, I have very mixed feelings about this season. First impressions are always important, especially in this literal popularity contest. It was really easy to pick out who I liked and disliked from the start, much more so than the previous two seasons. Kai, Ruksana, and Michelle were my top 3 hopefuls from the first batch of players. They are genuine souls who really wanted nothing other than to be themselves in the game. The one player that left the worst impression on me from Day 1 was Nick... I know. People are going to be mad at me for that. Nick is probably the most popular player this season among fans, but I have my reasons.

To start off, he was a computer science major from MIT. Before everyone gets mad at me for pointing that out first, I also graduated college majoring in computer science. My experience with men who are computer science majors is not great. Many I worked with (not all of course) came off as arrogant and look down at people who might not get the concepts as fast as they do. I also was a fan of Shubham who didn't need to hide the fact that he's a tech nerd. There are exceptions to what I experienced, but Nick's introduction fit that description to the T. He does a good job at hiding that level of arrogance in the Circle, but that doesn't make me want to root for him. I also wasn't a fan of his hyper fixation on the girls in the game. First there was Ashley, then Ava, then Isabella, and even when Jacki came in he was thirsting so hard.

I could go on about how I don't like Nick, but that doesn't mean I don't respect his game. He did well to focus on his strong bonds and he definitely deserved to be in the top 5 because of that. He solidified a strong alliance and kept close tabs on strong players he wasn't as close to. That being said, it's the same for my girl Kai. Nick and Kai were two sides of the same coin this season. Both had strong alliances and overall great relationships with the other players. Their overwhelming popularity ended up costing them in the final rankings, as Nick and Kai ranked 5th and 4th respectively.

Before we get into the Top 3, I should probably talk about how the events led up to the dramatic finale. This season really knew how to piss me off by doing Michelle dirty like that. Granted it was Ava and Chanel who chose to be Michelle, but you can't blame them either since it was their only way to stay in the game. Unfortunately, I did find Ava and Chanel kind of annoying, so insult to injury when the real Michelle got blocked. There had been a lot of criticism against Michelle for choosing to go see the fake Michelle, but how would seeing anyone else benefit her? She lost and just wanted answers. The viewers want things to be interesting, but she just wanted to leave knowing who was behind fake Michelle. I know if I was in her position I would want to do the same thing.

Ava and Chanel didn't make it far after Michelle, just as she predicted. Honestly, they weren't all that interesting aside from the whole Michelle situation anyway. It makes sense for them to be the ones out fast. The surprising player to me was Calvin. He didn't give me a good first impression. He gave me a similar vibe as Nick, but the difference between him and Nick is that Calvin wasn't as strategic as Nick. As his relationship with Kai grew, we really see how vulnerable he really let himself be at this point in the game. He took more things to heart than a lot of people in the game, but he stayed loyal to the ones he kept close. Yes he had strategy, but all he really wanted was to make it far with his friends. I was disappointed that he chose Nick for the burner profile but I was more upset that he was gone so soon.

Calvin was the one link between the alliances with Nick and with Kai. With him gone, the divide was clear as day. Nick, Ashley (Matthew), Isabella (Sophia), and Jackson (Rachel) against Kai, Ruksana, Daniel and James. The next blocking would be one that no one is happy with. Jackson/Rachel getting blocked made the most sense to me. Even with James having less time with the other players, Rachel couldn't really solidify her bond with the others, and the most crucial player she needed was Daniel. Ruksana getting blocked also made sense (much to my dismay...). Nick's biggest threat is Kai, but if he got rid of Kai, Ruksana can raise hell in the Circle. His alliance is unified against Ruksana but only because of Kai. If Kai went out this time around, Ashley and Isabella could potentially be swayed towards Ruksana. The double blocking kept the alliances balanced, but introducing Jacki tipped the balances.

Jacki had the biggest disadvantage being the last person in the game. Being new was the only thing keeping her from getting blocked as soon as she moved in. The only real advantage of keeping Jacki strategically is that she is malleable. James was the first one to get a good impression on Jacki, so even if she wasn't exempt, I'm pretty sure James would've saved her. It's easy to criticize James for not fighting for Daniel since the alliances were so clear, but in the end he did have a deeper connection with Ashley/Matthew. Daniel's choice to visit Isabella/Sophia was an interesting choice. If the pattern was gonna be the same I would've assumed he would've went to James and demanded answers, but because of the attention towards Isabella being a catfish, who could blame him for wanting to find out? Their meeting ended up being really wholesome anyway. They were on opposing sides, but in the end it's every player for themselves. He got along with Sophia when they actually met and he chose to give her support (and tea).

After that blocking, Jacki's blocking doesn't seem worth mentioning because it's so obvious with James and Nick as the secret influencers and the fact that she had so little time, so let's talk about the top 5! I was honestly worried about Nick winning the whole thing until everyone gave their thoughts in the final rating. In the end, everyone's ratings were strategic because I was surprised to see Kai and Nick rated the absolute lowest out of the 5. By the final ratings, I was honestly hoping Ashley/Matthew would win. Don't get me wrong! I was still hoping that Kai would win, but the way that everyone was talking......... That win for Kai was gone.

Now the most controversial part of the season: James won. Throughout his time in the Circle, he was the funny one, the one with no filter, and he genuinely left a great first impression on the other players (through to the end). However, him giving up Daniel and Jacki brought him a lot of hate from viewers, and initially I felt the same. Does him winning piss me off? No. It makes sense. I'd like to think this is my Libra moon coming out because I can understand why he made those decisions and why the other players would rate James so high. Literally, Isabella/Sophia is the only one I would imagine rating James low due to the persistent catfish suspicion and the betrayal for Daniel. Kai, Nick, and Ashley/Matthew all had positive experiences with James.

I do give this season a 5 though because it's not as wholesome as Season 1 nor is it as dramatic as Season 2. James winning was a disappointing one to many. He folded to Nick so fast and that angered a lot of viewers. It definitely wasn't what I hoped for considering I was rooting for Kai and Matthew at this point, but at the same time, I was really just hoping that Nick didn't win because of my own bias against him. Because of that, I'm fine with the end result. I wasn't excited about his win like I was about Joey in Season 1 or Deleesa in Season 2. You could feel how much love the other contestants had for the winners for their respective seasons, but with James it felt more obligatory from the others. This may be because he wasn't there in the beginning. Players like Michelle and sisters Ava and Chanel didn't even know him since they were eliminated before he came in. The season may have been too polarizing in the sense that the eliminations became predictable and disappointing. The only really satisfying thing to me was seeing Nick disappointed in the finale. Again, my bias against him is speaking here, but I could not help but laugh my ass off when he saw Sophia.

To sum it all up, it was very easy to pick favorites at the start, but once Calvin left, it gets muddy from there. I still have strong opinions about certain players, but they all played a strategic game. If you say even one person wasn't strategic (with the exception of Michelle) you are lying!!!! The players that made it to the end had very understandable reasons for playing the way that they did, but doing that doesn't make everyone happy. The finale kind of proved that. In no way did I feel as excited for James to win as I did Deleesa or Joey. Honestly, the only person I would be excited for in that top 5 would be Kai. I did however find it sweet that James could finally propose to his girlfriend of 12 years. I'm not mad at how things ended, but it's definitely not my favorite.

[phoenixshine]

30 Days of “Ashes to Ashes” - Day 17

Day 17 - What’s your favourite Ashes series?

When people talk about TV and fictional characters and say that “they go full circle”, they don’t know what the term means exactly. Not unless they've watched "Ashes". That's when you understand.

I’ve often talked about how brilliantly constructed this show is. A2A is literally going full circle: series 1 begins with questions and doubts, series 2 continues with trust and affection, and series 3 concludes with love and more questions and doubts that are eventually answered and build up the ultimate levels of trust.

I can’t choose a favourite series based on which one I enjoy more because “Ashes” is one of these rare shows where you love and cherish every single moment in every single episode and by the time you finish one series and are ready to move on to the next, you just love it even more. So I am going with S2. S1 allows you to get into it, to get to know the characters, the style, the pairing, the mythology and by its finale, you are charmed and sold to the bone. S3 goes in so deep into the dark corners of this world, but by then you are completely hooked, you love it with all your heart and, in response, it hurts you more, again and again and again, and when you reach the end you hurt too much to accept it’s over.

But series 2 was just the part of the story where you are deep into the best of it, in every aspect, and it just rewards you. Every episode is character and story development and you end it with a smile. The kids are growing up. The trust and respect between all characters are building up. And Gene and Alex are falling more in love with each other you’re wondering how they’re not married yet. And by the time you reach the finale, it’s epic, it’s painful, it’s rewarding and you’re screaming “GIMME MORE NOW!” And the best part of it is that THERE IS MORE!