#so probably I’d say either the Fantasy and Science Fiction class I took that was taught by a female Pakistani professor of Islamic studies

[adapembroke]

Reading Tarot Like The Magician

My first exposure to Tarot was through a Tarot workshop I inadvertently took with Rachel Pollack while I was in graduate school. Rachel Pollack is a Tarot luminary who was an influential figure in the Tarot revival in the 1980s. Tarot was a very different art before the 80s. My work exists, in part, because of the work she did blending Tarot with modern psychology. Her book Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom was for people of her generation (and mine) what Modern Tarot by Michelle Tea is for people starting out today.

I had no idea Rachel was famous in the Tarot world when I met her. To me, she was a science fiction luminary, and I was too busy gushing about taking a class with someone who had just published in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction to notice that her workshop was on the Tarot card the Hanged Man.

My school was a magnet for hippies, pagans, and weirdos, so I was probably the least Tarot-literate person in that workshop, but when she held up a well-loved copy of the Hanged Man card and started describing the connections to religious and mythological figures and ideas in the card--Odin, Osiris, Jesus, Mohammed, Odysseus, the Tree of Life--I was enchanted. Utterly. As soon as I could, I ran out to a New Age store and bought a pack of Tarot cards, and that deck of cards is sitting on my desk next to my computer as I write this almost a decade later in their worn and tattered blue velvet bag with a crescent moon pressed into it.

When I stepped into that class, I was still in Fool time. I was exploring, wandering around, didn’t know what I was doing. In the moment when I became enchanted, I stopped being the Fool, and I started being the Magician.

Become Enchanted

Now there’s something a little bit odd about what I just said, isn’t there? I said that I became the Magician when I became enchanted, but aren’t Magicians the ones who do the enchanting?

Yes, this is true, but before you can enchant anyone, you must, as Lee Morgan says in A Deed Without a Name, first be enchanted.

Why is that? And what does it mean to be enchanted? When you have been enchanted, you have fallen under someone’s spell, the way people in the old stories fell into Fairy, falling out of one life, one time and into another. Your life has changed. Your story has changed.

A spell at its most simple is a story. When a witch casts a spell, they are telling a story that, for example, a few herbs, a spoon of honey, a little lemon, and a cup of hot water will make your sore throat go away. When you decide to sip the tea, you are entering into that story. You are giving that story permission to change you.

Sometimes, the story isn’t powerful enough to change you. The herbs are wrong or your sore throat is too far advanced to be helped or the witch hasn’t told a story that convinces you it will work.

Perhaps, the witch doesn’t believe the spell will work themselves. In that case, they have failed to step into the story they’re telling themselves before trying to pull someone else in with them.

Now, when I talk about belief, I’m not talking about faith. Faith is the belief in things you haven’t seen or experienced for yourself. Witchcraft is a practice, not a religion. We do the things we do because they work for us. A witch who successfully enchants the person with the sore throat is usually a witch who has suffered a sore throat themselves and drunk the tea and discovered it works.

This is why you must first be enchanted to be the Magician. You must experience the story for yourself before you can tell it to someone else.

Creativity Is Magic

When I was in graduate school, I lived in Silicon Valley. I was new to the Valley, and I was curious about where I lived, so I decided to write my thesis novel on technology startup culture. As part of my research, I joined a hackerspace. A hackerspace is the punk rock granddaddy of co-working spaces. Co-working spaces are the Millennial stepchild of office parks. I wrote my novel surrounded by young CEOs who were trying to build companies. These companies were so young, so new, there was nothing to them but a slick website and a business card. Usually, the CEO was the only employee.

At first, it seemed kind of funny to me that these guys were calling themselves CEOs.

How can you be the chief anything when there’s only one of you?

Then one day I was at my friend Dave’s company’s launch party. I’d like to pretend it was the kind of Silicon Valley debauch you hear about in the news, but the guests were mostly members of his family. His mom made deviled eggs. If the party hadn’t been held in an office park, I would have thought it was a graduation party. In a way, it was a graduation party. Dave had graduated from the hackerspace to an office park.

During the party, Dave told me something extraordinary: “The hardest thing about starting a company is that it’s all in your head. In your head, it exists, but it can’t live there. You have to make it real for other people.”

That’s what the business cards and the fancy titles and the deviled eggs were all about. They were ways of making his company, which only existed in his dreams, real. They were about telling a story and making it real enough that people could believe it without faith.

The Fool is just an idiot with a dream. The Magician is the next step in the creative process. You become the Magician when you fall in love with an idea and try to make that dream real, when you take the image in your head and start making lines on paper, when you stop running a melody around in your head and start singing, when you pick up a deck of Tarot cards and attempt to become a reader.

Turning a dream into reality requires creating something out of nothing. If you know your physics, you know that you can’t get something from nothing. Only a Fool could believe it’s possible. To get something from nothing is magic. Literally. That’s why the Major Arcana is called the Fool’s journey. Every magician starts out as a fool. Magic is the art of bootstrapping a dream into reality, taking something that only exists in your head and turning it into something other people can interact with. Outside of the witchy world, we call it “creativity.” There is absolutely no difference between creativity and magic.

Magic Is Power, Directed

Now, let’s look at the Magician himself. He is wearing white robes with a red cloak. White is the color of innocence, and red is the color of experience. He is still fundamentally inexperienced, but he has enough experience to put it on like a costume. Over his head is the sign of infinity, which symbolizes unlimited potential. He holds a wand in his hand like a lightning rod, ready to channel power from the universe. It is a white wand, again a symbol of innocence. He doesn’t yet fully understand the powers he’s dealing with, and his action is just a little bit foolish, like someone literally trying to catch lightning.

On the table in front of him are a pentacle, a cup, a sword, and a wand. These are the symbols of the four elements and the suits of the minor arcana.

The pentacle corresponds to the element earth. By having power over the pentacle, the Magician has power over practical things such as work and finances, and power over the earth. He can ground. He can do magic that changes his circumstances in concrete ways.

The cup corresponds to the element water. Water is the element of emotions and creativity and the heart. By having power over the cup, he has power over his emotions and the emotions of others. He can tell stories and create art that make himself and others feel a certain way. The sword corresponds to the element air. Air is the element of the mind. By controlling the sword, he has power over his mind and the minds of others. He can use thought and reason to bring others over to his point of view.

The wand corresponds to the element fire. Fire is the element of passion. By controlling the wand, he has power over his passions, his energy. He can direct his energy toward the things he desires, and he can inspire others to join his cause, as well.

Flowers are everywhere on the Magician’s card. This card is fundamentally a card of growth. The person who is in a Magician phase of life—or whose Soul Card is the Magician—is someone who is primarily growth oriented. The Magician is the eternal student. Unlike the Fool who studies any old thing, the Magician has channeled his interest and study into becoming powerful in one thing.

When the Magician comes up in a reading, it might mean that the person being read for needs to focus their power, particularly in a creative direction, or that they are in a time of life when becoming empowered should be a focus for them. Either way, like the Fool, this card is fundamentally an optimistic one. It is time for the querent to become enchanted.

This post was originally published on Aquarius Moon Journal on 21 January 2019.

[djmunden]

Thousand Scars Author Interview

Hey guys, back with a new isolation interview! I’ll have an SPFBO author interview ready for the weekend, but I’d like to bring back an old survivor of the Scar den in Deston Munden. Hope you guys enjoy! 

First of all, tell me about yourself! What do you write?

Hello again! I’m Deston J. Munden, former SPFBO writer and now resident stuck in the house author. I’m a science fiction and fantasy author who is surviving all this craziness by stuffing his head full on Dungeons and Dragons characters and learning how to cook neat food. I’m the author of two series, Dargath Chronicles and Dusk Orbit Blues, both which are getting an audiobook real soon. It’s a pleasure to be back.

How do you develop your plots and characters?

I’ve been asked this quite a few times and I never feel like my answers are satisfactory, but nevertheless true. They just kinda come to me. There are small inciting events that makes me want to develop a character or a plot. It could just be me sitting and reading. It could just me be playing a game or roleplaying a completely unrelated character.  From there, I put them on what I called the simmer mode. I slowly develop them in my head until they are ready for the drafting phase.

Tell the world about your current project!

Dargath is a fun, high fantasy world that I created a while back. It’s a world where everyone has magic and no one is truly human. I wanted to create a world where magic was a common stance and everyone has a degree of it that is unique to them. Also, I wanted a world where the reader doesn’t go in with the natural biasness of starting with a human. Yes, there are human-like races, but I wanted to have this mystical feeling to everything. The world is split into two continents, eight races, and plenty of subraces. It’s rich in history, politics, and turmoil while also having that classic dungeons and dragons type of feeling to the world. If that seems like your type of thing, try me out!

Who would you say is the main character of your latest novel? And tell me a little bit about them!

Ser Torlyek is the main character of the novel that is coming out later this year. I’ve been marketing him as Neville Longbottom meets Thor from the MCU and Steven Universe. He’s my first autistic main character who adores knights and honor beyond anything else. He’s also a complex character who has a deep backstory with his family. Duke’s Brand follows him as he comes to terms with who he is now as well as him making friends along the way. I hope that you guys enjoy him as much as I enjoyed writing him.

Have you been to any conventions? If so, tell me a little about them!

I’ve been to so many conventions! They are some of my favorite places to go for vacations. They are so lively and powerful, and you get to meet so many fellow nerds. My goal this year was to finally sell my books at a convention. Sadly, that didn’t happen. Now, I’m going through convention withdrawal. If you never gone to a convention before, I’ll honestly suggest that you try it out. There are so many cool things that you can find and you’ll meet so many cool people.

When did you first realize you wanted to be a writer?

I realized that I wanted to be a writer when I was young. Luckily, none of my teachers tried to squash that love. Instead, they tried their hardest to cultivate the talent that they saw. I always wrote fan fictions and loved the creative writing assignments given to me. But, it wasn’t until after college where I realized this was a career I could do. Self-publishing opened an entirely new opportunity for me and ever since I’ve been pushing myself more and more to expand my dream into a reality.

If you had the opportunity to live anywhere in the world for a year while writing a book that took place in that same setting, where would you choose?

Rome, hands down. There’s so much history there that I would love to explore and set a story within. I think it would be fun to explore the mythology and the people of rome and wrapping that up in a story that I would write.

What advice would you give new writers?

Finish. That. First. Draft. I’ve seen so many new writers get into what I call the world building loop or worse the first chapter loop. Its when a new writer keeps world building or writing the first chapter endlessly until the end of time. That is not how you’re going to improve. You’re going to have to finish that first draft at one point or another. Not to say pre-writing is not important, however, if you’re stuck on it you need to start on the first draft. As a new writer, learning how to finish a project is key.

What real-life inspirations did you draw from for the worldbuilding?

Too many. I usually get inspiration from history, cultures, food, architecture, generally whatever that I think would make my world feel richer and livelier. Each of the races are inspired somewhat after certain regions of our world albeit blended in such a way to better fit the region I’m going for. I’ve used things from Africa, the Middle East, Medieval Europe, Egypt, etc to make my world feel stronger and cohesive. It’s a fun experience as a history and culture nerd.

What inspires you to write?

I enjoy it. That’s the long and short of it all. Writing is a passion of mine. I love sitting down at the computer and letting my imagination go wild. There’s a magic to it all. I used to write after I finished my schoolwork in class just for fun. I didn’t realize that was weird until my teacher saw me doing it while everyone else was playing games on the computer. Writing is my creative outlet and without it I might burst.

What is the hardest part of writing for you?

The hardest part for me is keeping the pace with everything. There’s a lot that goes into be an author. Some days I just want to sit down and write, but I know I can’t do that all the time. There are days where I’m going to have to research, do my social media, and market the books I already have released. Managing my time has become quite difficult.

What is your routine when writing, if any? If you don’t follow a routine, why not?

My routine is usually 8-4 every weekday. If I don’t follow this schedule, I will and can work myself to death.

What was your favorite chapter (or part) to write in any of your books, and why?

This is spoiler territory. There’s a certain scene in Tavern that I really enjoy that has made people lose their marbles and I always laugh manically about when I get a message about it. Recently though, I’ve been getting a lot of “OMG” about a certain scene in the middle of Dusk Mountain Blues. It makes me giggle. I might be evil.

What these two scenes have in common is that I throw the reader for a loop. I love doing that.  

Did you learn anything from writing your latest book? If so, what was it?

Writing Duke’s Brand and Dusk Ocean Blues taught me a lot how to condense my writing style a bit. Lately, I’ve been trying to hone my writing style a bit. I feel like writing these two books has helped that a lot going forward.

Are you a plotter or a pantser? A gardener or an architect?

I am definitely a pantser. I’m all about writing it and winging it until I get to the second draft.

If you had to give up either snacks and drinks during writing sessions, or music, which would you find more difficult to say goodbye to?

Definitely snacks. I can give up music if I had to, but snacks I need to survive. I can’t imagine how I’ll get through certain parts of my novel without snacking on some chips or some other ungodly unhealthy food or beverage.

Which is your favorite season to write in, and why?

Spring. There is something about the temperature and the outside environment that brings out the power in me.

It’s sometimes difficult to get into understanding the characters we write. How do you go about it?

It’s all about learning how that character ticks. The big thing I’ve realized about getting in the mindset of a character is knowing their motivation. A person drive and ambition tell a lot about the character as a whole and getting into the mindset of them. You gotta realize what they want to realize who they are. From there, I think, their personalities, dreams, relationships, etc becomes more apparent the more you write it.

What are your future project(s)?

Dusk Ocean Blues (Book 2 of Dusk Orbit Blues)

Undergrove (Book 3 of Dargath Chronicles)

Dusk Country Blues (Book 3 of Dusk Orbit Blues)

What is your favorite book ever written?

I’m pleading the fifth here. I enjoy all the books that I’ve written so far. There are parts where I feel like I’ve done better in this book while others in that one. So at the end the day, I can’t choose.

Who are your favorite authors?

Traditionally Published: Brandon Sanderson, Patrick Rothfuss, Michael J. Sullivan, Robert Jordan, Scott Lynch, Jonathan French, Brent Weeks, Sean Grisby, and Gareth L. Powell, Renee April.

Self Published: James Jakins, Emmet Moss, Deck Matthews, Andy Peloquin, Bernard Bertram, Garrett B. Robinson.

There’s probably a million more.

What makes a good villain?

A good motivation and a strong personality. I’m the type of person that enjoys a big personality in my villain over sheer fear and power they may possess. The villains that have a good time while also having depth speak out to me. Yes, I do enjoy the looming dark lord type villain as well, but if I can somehow get both I’m a happy camper.

What do you like to do in your spare time?

Cooking! It’s my favorite past time other than video games and tabletop RPGs. I’m not as good as it as other people, but I’m trying my best and I’m learning every day!

If you couldn’t be an author, what ideal job would you like to do?

A chef! Like I said before, cooking is a fun hobby and being a chef/cook would be a fun job for me. I also like to bake, so a baker would be not too far behind. I just like working with food.

Coffee or Tea? Or (exult deep breath) what other drink do you prefer, if you like neither?

Tea! There are so many different types of teas and most which I can drink (because I can’t have a lot of caffeinated beverages). I prefer fruity teas, but I’m willing to try any of it.

You can travel to anywhere in the universe. Where would you go, and why?

Whew. I don’t know. I’ll probably want to try to find new planets to explore, specifically with new life.

Do you have any writing blogs you recommend?

No. I don’t have any writer blogs that I’ll recommend but check out the #writerblr tag on tumblr if you need any inspiration!

Do you have any writer friends you’d like to give a shoutout to?

Nicky Ball, Kathryn York, Hallie Fleischmann, Chris Barber, Dave Deickman, Emmet Moss, Bernard Bertram, and Deck Matthews to name a few!

Pick any three fiction characters. These are now your roadtrip crew. Where do you go and what do you do?

Clay Cooper from Kings of the Wyld, Matrim Couthon from Wheel of Time, and Wayne from The Alloy of Law.  

We’re gonna go on a rock-star tour and we’re gonna cause some trouble.

What superpower would you most like?

Super Strength. I know that’s a simple power to want to have but it would just make my life a whole lot easier. Being able to pick up a lot of things would be amazing.

What are two of your favorite covers of all time? (Not your own.)

Kings of the Wyld by Nicholas Eames

Eye of the World by Robert Jordan

It’s a very difficult time right now for the world. When quarantine and pandemic comes to an end, what is the first thing you would like to do?

Travel more and meet some of my online friends. My goal this year was to travel more, get out there, and meet some of the people that I’ve been talking to for ages. The quarantine and pandemic put that to a screeching halt. I want to go to more conventions, I want to see more places, and I want just enjoy life more. This whole situation made me realize that I haven’t been out nearly as much as I want to be.

Finally, what is your preferred method to have readers get in touch with or follow you (i.e., website, personal blog, Facebook page, here on Goodreads, etc.) and link(s)?

Remember to follow me everywhere below and it was great coming back!

Website: www.djmunden.com

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Deston-J-Munden/e/B07Q2D6948/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/SrBuffaloKnight

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/authordjmunden/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/D.J.Munden/

Goodreads:

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/18874896.Deston_J_Munden If you have Kindle Unlimited, both of my books are available there too!

[themangledsans0508]

Costume Hunting

Craig sat on Tweek’s bed, watching him root through his closet. Clothes were being wildly thrown in every direction as Tweek mumbled under his breath. He rested his chin on his hands and smiled in mild amusement. Tweek pulled his head out of the closet and looked over at him.

“Craig, have you seen anything that… what are you smiling at?” Tweek’s eyes narrowed at him. Craig shrugged.

“My boyfriend. What’s wrong with that?” Craig asked teasingly. Tweek crossed his arms.

“Okay, sure. Anyway, have you seen anything that would fit the fantasy theme?” he questioned, turning to resume his dig through the mass of clothes. Craig blinked.

“Fantasy theme?” Tweek looked at him.

“Fantasy theme, remember?” Craig shook his head and Tweek sighed. “Were you even listening to anything Cartman said?” he asked, exasperated.

“I don’t listen to anything fatass says” Craig deadpanned. 

“Understandable. But it was important information! And just because he’s annoying doesn’t mean it’s right to ignore him!” Tweek lectured. Craig rolled his eyes.

“I know babe, he’s just a lot more than annoying. But what are the themes?” Craig asked.

“There are six themes: neutral, mythical, fantasy, sci-fi, adventure, and superheroes. We have to get costumes for all of them except neutral,” he explained.

“Okay, easy enough. One question, what’s the mythical and adventure theme? All the others are self-explanatory.”

“Mythical is like religious stuff like Timmy is the pope and Jimmy is a friar. I have a costume for that one. Adventure was supposed to just be Cowboys and Indians but Stan is saying that pirates can be in there too. I don’t know if those guys have decided on that yet. Any other questions?” Craig shook his head again. “Okay, well, I already have two costumes so that means there’s three left. You obviously don’t have any costumes so we’ll work on that.”

“I have a costume for one of them,” Craig interjected. Tweek raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms.

“Which theme?”

“Superheroes,” Craig said, “Super Craig returns. You know, if you don’t have a different Superhero idea you could make Wonder Tweek return too.” Tweek smiled.

“Yeah, you know what, I do need a superhero costume. As long as we’re on the same team.”

“Well I can’t guarantee we’ll always be on the same team but we will be often hopefully. It depends on who uses our cards. But on my terms, yeah, we’ll be on the same team. Just not your freedom pals” Craig teased.

“Not your Coon and friends either, dick,” Tweek retorted with a grin, “I still need fantasy and an adventure costume.”

“Wait, what are the costumes you already have?”

“Sci-fi and Mystical.”

“What are your costumes though?” Tweek blushed slightly.

“Well, you-you see, Wendy is going to be an angel for her mythical costume, and um, she got it in a duo pack with a demon costume. So, she gave it to me because she said I’d look ‘cute’ in it,” Tweek explained quickly. Craig laughed.

“Don’t laugh you asshole! And my science fiction outfit is just paint all over my body and pants.”

“Those are both pretty kinky, like dude we’re underage.”

“Shut up! It’s just a costume! I’m more prepared than you are!”

“I can be prepared in five minutes,” Craig boasted.

“Well, you’re not going anywhere until I am done making my costumes,” Tweek asserted.

“Okay, well we’ve got two more costumes to make then.” Craig hopped off the bed to stand besides Tweek. He slung his arm over his shoulder. “Why is everything you own green?”

“Not everything I own is green, you’re being dramatic.” Tweek pulled a brown cape out of the pile and diligently pointed out other non-green clothing articles. There was a red robe, a cowboy hat, and a purple raincoat. Craig took particular notice of the coat.

“Dude, why is your coat up here instead of downstairs. It makes more sense if it’s with all the other coats,” he asked.

“Because I want it up here. Get off my dick,” Tweek continued to search for more things to support his case as Craig thought about what could qualify as adventure or fantasy.

“Why don’t you just be a basic cowboy with a cool name? Like Tweek the wanted or-”

“You want me? I don’t see who else would,” Tweek grinned. Craig couldn’t help but grin too.

“Okay, maybe not Tweek the wanted. I already got you.” Craig pecked his cheek, causing Tweek to blush. “But I’m out of ideas now.”

“Well, let me think of some of the names of the others. Gunslinger Kyle, Sheriff Cartman, Calamity Heidi… We definitely need some criminals.” Tweek thought for a moment. “What about outlaw Tweek?” He looked to Craig for his input.

“Sounds good, as long as Cartman doesn’t arrest you. I’d kick his ass,” Craig stated firmly.

“I can defend myself, dude. Okay, that leaves fantasy. Any ideas?” Craig looked at the mess of clothing.

“Why not just be a barbarian again? That seems pretty easy,” Craig suggested. Tweek shook his head.

“I’d rather not be shirtless twice,” he said. Craig thought a bit more.

“Are you physically fighting or sniping everyone?” he asked.

“Well, there is magic too, but save for my mythical card I’m just going to be a ranged unit,” Tweek replied.

“What about being, I don’t know, Robin Hood?” Tweek looked at him.

“Robin Hood? Really?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Well, you like stealing my shit, shooting things, and you tend to help people. Sometimes,” Craig pointed out. Tweek glared at him.

“I don’t steal your shit,” he protested.

“Yes, you do,” Craig argued. Tweek threw his arms up.

“Okay, fine, whatever! That’s all my costumes. Your turn. Now we have to go to your house.” Tweek pulled away from Craig started putting all his outfits out and into a bag.

“Why are you bringing all that?”

“The game could start at any time, I’ve got to be ready,” Tweek said. Craig waited patiently by the door for his boyfriend. Watching as Tweek hurried to gather everything together, Craig wondered why he put so much effort into his costumes. Craig himself wore basically the same outfit for everything.

Well, he did for a while.

When they got to Craig’s house, Tweek immediately went searching through his closet, tossing out his Super Craig outfit onto the floor.

“This is going to take more than five minutes,” Tweek assessed.

“Not if you let me do it,” Craig bickered.

“No, because you won’t put effort into it. We’re putting effort into these,” Tweek asserted. Craig leaned against the wall behind him, watching as he worked. He threw things to the side that he deemed unfit to be in the costumes.

“Dude, I can use my feldspar getup for the fantasy theme,” Craig proposed.

“No, you have to have your name in it,” Tweek replied. Craig groaned. 

“Okay, then what if I used the same outfit, but got like, a badminton racket and called myself a dark mage,” he wondered.

“Dark mage Craig, okay, that sounds pretty cool,” Tweek agreed. He grabbed the clothes and tossed them to Craig, who caught them. “You still have mythical, sci-fi, and adventure.”

“I don’t have any ideas,” he admitted. 

“I can tell you what some other people are doing.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Well, I’ll just say their names because it’s faster that way. Cyborg Kenny, astronaut Butters, space warrior Token, gizmo Ike, bounty hunter Kyle-”

“Bounty hunter? So, he has guns?” Craig interrupted.

“Yeah, I mean, a few people do.”

“What if I’m a marine, and I get a water gun and fill it with gross stuff and poison people.”

“I mean, yeah, you could do that. I thought you’d want to be an astronaut or something though,” Tweek confessed.

“No, Butters already took that, so, no.”

“Okay, well you still have to find something to wear.” Tweek scanned the assortment in front of him. He sighed and tossed a sweatshirt on the floor.

“I’ll make you some shoulder things to look like armour. I don’t know what else to do for that.” Tweek pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Hey, honey, it’s okay. I’m not worried about it,” Craig comforted. Tweek twirled his hands in his hair.

“Okay, okay, it’s fine,” Tweek mumbled.

“So, the two other themes, adventure and mystical. What could we do for that?”

“You could be a pirate or something. You’d fit that. Being Feldspar and all,” Tweek offered. Craig shook his head.

“No. Could I be an Incan?” Tweek blinked.

“Incan, like the tribe?” Craig nodded.

“Yeah. They used me in some ritual or something a while ago. So, why not? It’ll be cooler than Cartman’s thing.”

“Yes, it definitely will. But what are you going to wear?” Craig stared blankly at him.

“I didn’t think that far ahead.” Tweek looked at him for a moment.

“Does your sister have any headbands?” he asked. 

“Yeah, probably. Why?” Craig raised an eyebrow.

“Because I’m going to make you a headdress. Incan priests have headdresses.” Tweek started heading out of the room with Craig in tow.

“How the hell do you know that?”

“Because I pay attention in class, dumbass. ” 

“No, you don’t.” Craig crossed his arms. “You’re always staring at me.”

“Nggh, you have one class with me! I pay attention in my other ones.”

“Sure. Don’t bother knocking, Trica isn’t home right now. She’s at one of her friends' house. She’ll have them in a drawer or something.” Craig watched as Tweek explored the area. He dug through a few drawers before coming out with a blue headband. 

“This will work,” he stated, “do you have construction paper?”

“Yeah, in my desk.”  Tweek hurried past him, heading back to Craig’s room with the headband in his hands. Tweek quickly sat at the desk, taking out some blue and yellow papers. He reached for some scissors, carefully cutting triangles out of the paper. Craig watched as his nimble fingers worked and within five minutes he had the best headdress one could make with the materials they had. He got up and placed it over Craig’s hat.

“You look more like a god than a priest, I like it,” Tweek murmured. Craig blushed slightly.

“We still have one left to go. Mythical. Hey, what goes well with a demon?” 

“An angel, but Wendy is already that. And I know what you want to do, and I am not a demon, I’m an imp,” Tweek corrected.

“Okay, well they both get summoned, right?”

“I think so.”

“Who would summon an imp?”

“A Satanist,” Tweek said.

“Well, I’m not going to be a satanist. I couldn’t do their chants, it’s like Latin or something.” Craig’s eyes widened in realization.

“Pastors speak in Latin, right?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Tweek answered, confused.

“I’ll be a pastor. A youth one since I’m a kid, but then we’ll go perfect together. I even have a suit.”

“I think imps and pastors hate each other?”

“No, it’s like a forbidden love story. I accidentally summoned you, and now we’re together,” Craig smiled. Tweek laughed an airy laugh and pressed their foreheads together.

“If you had asked me last year if I thought you were the romantic type, I would’ve said hell no. Turns out you’re very romantic. Not complaining,” Tweek grinned. 

“Only for you.”

“Hey, guess what?”

“What?”

“That took a lot more than five minutes,” Tweek teased. 

“Only because you decided that my costumes needed effort put into them,” Craig replied. Tweek kissed his nose before pulling away.

“I’m going to put your clothes in the same bag as my clothes since I think we’ll be going together.” Tweek turned around and carefully picked up the clothes he had thrown. “By the way, where is your suit?”

“My parent’s room because they don’t want me to destroy it by accident.” Tweek disappeared around the corner, leaving Craig by himself. Craig grabbed a squirt gun, slingshot, and a few other things for the duo to use.

Tweek came back with the suit carefully folded in his arms. He placed it on top of the pile of costumes in his bag before zipping it back up. He slung it over his shoulder and inspected the weapons in Craig’s hands.

“Craig, are you really bringing all of that?” he asked.

“You’re bringing all our costumes, why can’t I bring our weapons?” Tweek rolled his eyes.

“Guess it’s good, actually. Cartman sent a group text to everyone saying that we’re starting in an hour. Adventure because him and Stan are pissed at each other and it’s really cowboys vs. Indians, so I guess we’re on different teams.” Craig frowned.

“I’ll sit this one out,” Craig mumbled, “I don’t want to fight again.”

“Wait, the captain of the team needs our card to use us, and I think everyone decided you’re legendary in the adventure theme. I don’t think Cartman or Stan has your card. That new kid probably doesn’t either. So, we don’t have to fight!” Tweek exclaimed.

“What’s your rarity?”

“I’m just a common,” Tweek mumbled.

“Not to me. Hey, I’ll be on the sidelines to cheer you on until I get played.”

“Until I get played I can just hang out with you. Let’s get going so we aren’t late.”

“Dude, it takes us like ten minutes max to walk to Cartman’s”

“Yeah, I know, but if we stay here for a lot longer we’ll probably lose track of time and be hours late.”

They left the house, Tweek’s hand finding it’s place in Craig’s hand. They walked incredibly close together, smiling and chatting.

“I can’t wait to see you in a suit, I thought your skin was a sweatshirt,” Tweek joked.

“I can’t wait to see you in that imp costume.” Tweek playfully hit his arm.

“You’re only going to see it once and then never again.”

“Not for a few years, cause I’m in this for the long haul. Then maybe I’ll see you in it again,” Craig smirked. 

“Nope, never again. But I’ll see you in that suit again.”

“I guarantee that, and I’ll place bets on your imp outfit,” Craig kissed his cheek. Tweek smiled and pushed him away.

“None of that with your dirty mind.”

“Hey! The fags are here!” The pair looked forward at the small group of kids. Kenny, Token, Jimmy, Butters, Clyde, Stan, Kyle, and of course the man who made the comment himself, Cartman.

“Hey, the fatass didn’t even leave his front lawn,” Craig snapped. Tweek sighed.

“Here we go.”

“I am not fat, I am big-boned!”

“Say that to the fifteen boxes of Cheesy Poofs under your bed.”

“Guys, the new kid is coming!” Kyle announced. The party looked down the street to see a silhouette coming towards them.

“Guys, divide into your teams! Let’s go!” Stan ordered and the kids scampered. Tweek pulled Craig down slightly and pecked his lips.

“For good luck. See you in a few minutes darling.” Tweek rushed after the other cowboys, leaving Craig to try and find a place to sit outside the battlefield, a spot close enough to throw stuff at people hopefully while he watched his boyfriend.

[eregyrn-falls]

I remember this old post about if Ford's hands are normal and if Stan was the polydactyl. How does the elder Pines twins personalities change if that was the case? Is Stan more violent or shyer? Is Ford more protective of his twin. Does he develop an interest in the supernatural?

Oh gosh, this is such an interesting set of questions!  Apologies for the late reply on this, Anon, I didn’t mean to seem like I was ignoring it; I was giving this some time to percolate in my head.

I haven’t actually run across any posts before that discussed in depth the idea of Stan being the one who was polydactyl, instead of Ford!  (The main post I can think of that I saw mentioning it was this one here, and I don’t recall seeing follow-up discussions?)

I guess the first question is just: how much of Stan’s and Ford’s personalities are innate, and how much were influenced by their circumstances (in which I’m including the polydactyly as a circumstance). There’s reams of other meta out there about the natures of both elder Pines twins, and some of the assumptions in some of that meta, as well as just the “general consensus” popular in the fandom, undoubtedly influences how I think of them.

For example: I’m firmly in the camp that thinks that both Stan and Ford are very smart; but, I think that they process information and express their intelligence in different ways.  Ford seems to have a natural affinity for “book-learning”, by which I mean traditional schooling and research. The way Stan is portrayed as a child makes me think that he isn’t so great with traditional learning, and that’s what led to him being an under-achiever, because in the late 50s and early 60s, schools were not as good at identifying when a child was falling behind or acting out because they needed a different learning style to thrive.  I’ve always though of Stan as a more “kinetic” learner, good with physical tasks and also better at learning by demonstration than by lecture/reading.

(The usual sidenote applies here: if this is true of Stan, then it makes his teaching himself to get the Portal working again that much more impressive.  Just because he might be more comfortable with non-book-learning doesn’t mean he can’t learn from so-called traditional sources.  It just means that it’s a different kind of challenge for him than for someone who meshes very well with that form of learning.  Both Stan and Ford are very stubborn and tenacious.  In my view, Stan slacked off as a child, and cheated in school, because he was rebelling against school not giving him what he needed; and, I feel, because it was a vicious cycle in which he was being told by parents and school authority figures that he wasn’t good at it, and he internalized that and stopped trying.  When it came to fixing the Portal, he put aside doubts and preferences and single-mindedly devoted himself to that goal.)

In ATOTS, we’re told that it’s Ford’s polydactyly that creates his interest in science fiction and anomalies.  And yes, that’s an easy answer, but… I’m not sure that necessarily has to be completely true.  You don’t need to have an unusual trait like that, to be a very smart little kid who becomes deeply invested in scifi/fantasy and all of that stuff.  I do think that his unusual trait created for him an additional feeling of connection to those subjects, and I do think that he used that connection as an additional means to cope with the anxiety that his unusual status, and the teasing he received because of it, created.

So, if Stan is the one who’s polydactyl – well, I don’t think that changes the fact that as a little kid in the 50s/60s, he wasn’t as well suited to the style of schooling he was forced into.  He’d still have those unaddressed learning problems in school, and that would probably still have caused him to receive negative feedback from his parents and teachers.  It’s just that little polydactyl Stan would have the additional problem of being regarded as a “freak” by classmates (and maybe by adults too), as well as regarded as “lazy”, and a “cheater”, and a “class clown” (which seems probable; we’re not told specifically that he was, but, it seems pretty likely given everything about Stan’s personality, and the principal does refer to him as a clown).

On the flip side, little Ford may be “normal”, but he’s still abnormally smart, and his excelling at traditional schooling wouldn’t have changed.  And as many people know, that alone can become a cause for being ostracized and bullied by classmates.  He may still have developed an interest in scifi/fantasy and the supernatural, as a sort of intellectual/emotional “escape”.

But, the further thing I think might happen is that little Stan may also develop more of an interest in that direction (maybe with Ford’s encouragement?).  In ATOTS, when they were little, we saw monster-movie posters and that monster mask around Stan’s bed; and even into adulthood we find that he’s interested in things like taxidermy and stop-motion animation and stuff.  Might little polydactyl Stan have gotten into that even more, if he (like Ford in canon) felt like he “belonged” among the “freaks” and side-show attractions?

Going back to similarities and differences between the two of them – Stan is obviously the more outgoing of the two, the one with the “big personality”. And he does seem like the more aggressive of them – but, they’re actually closer in that regard than it seems at first glance.  There are plenty of moments in the show where we see that Ford has a temper and becomes aggressive towards threats.  Both Pines men have a tendency to turn fear into anger (think of Stan yelling at the kids when he’s fighting the zombies; think of Ford threatening Probabilator when he’s tied up).  Stan still seems to be the more extroverted of the two, and Ford the more socially awkward.  But Ford’s aggression likely isn’t a completely learned behavior (i.e. a survival mechanism only learned while dimension-hopping). It’s probably just a Pines trait that he had all along, but as a small child wasn’t confident enough to rely on.

So I do feel a bit like little polydactyl Stan might not have needed quite as much standing-up-for as little Ford did.  Even from an early age, Stan seems to instinctively turn attacks back on his attackers.  Crampelter calls them losers, and Stan’s response is basically to say, “takes one to know one”.  Little Ford’s response to bullying was to let it get to him; Stan’s is to turn it around and throw it back in the bully’s face.  What I can easily imagine is little Stan doing just that to anyone who teased him for having six fingers – turning it into a joke, or just a belligerant “yeah? what’s it to ya?” I don’t think he would have been unaffected, deep down – just as, in canon, he clearly was affected by all the people who called him a loser and said he’d never amount to anything.  That got to him, even though he tried to cover it with bluster and over the top confidence.  

Little Ford is harder for me to figure out, just because I’m not quite sure why he was so passive as a little kid, since he would develop that Pines pugnaciousness once he got to adulthood.  He took all that bullying really hard, it’s clear; and he needed a lot more support and reassurance than little Stan seemed to.  Or is that the point?  Did little Stan (in canon) also really need that stuff, but he just covered up the need with bluster, while little Ford didn’t?  Meanwhile, in this AU – if little Ford isn’t being bullied for being a “freak”, and is “only” being bullied for being the typical too-smart little kid, does that result in his being a little bit more outgoing and willing to stand up for Stan?

I could go either way on that.  I’m having a hard time seeing little Ford playing the belligerant, “get lost, bullies!” role in defense of his brother; just as I’m having a hard time seeing little polydactyl Stan NOT standing up for himself (even if it does hurt deep down).  I could see a little bit of both, perhaps?  But I do see little Ford trying to be supportive of his brother.  And if little Ford is still a scifi nerd – and especially if that’s an interest his brother shares a bit more – then I could still see him being interested in the anomalous, as a way to keep trying to prove to his brother that being an anomaly makes Stan cool and special, rather than “a freak”.

At least, that’s a dynamic I’d like to *think* would happen.

Let me insert a sidenote here about the boxing lessons.  In canon, Filbrick signs both boys up for boxing lessons, after little Stan is shown being picked-on by the older bullies.  There’s an implication that the boxing lessons gave little Stan confidence, and caused him to blossom from a nerdy, dorky-looking teen, into one who gets the girl.   Meanwhile, Ford is hiding his face in a book rather than paying attention to practice.  While adult Ford appears capable of handling himself, the boxing lessons don’t seem to have given little Ford as much confidence.  One thing that interests me about that, going back up to a point I made above, is that if Stan is a “kinetic” learner, that might explain why the boxing lessons worked better for him.  So this too may not change if Stan is polydactyl.  I don’t see any reason why being polydactyl would have a negative effect on learning to box. (I don’t think that’s why Ford didn’t take to it as well.) Plus – when you’re boxing, if your hands are in gloves, nobody can see that you’re polydactyl?  It sort of evens the playing field, as it were.

(This leaves completely aside the slight timeline difficulties of that sequence, as well as the question of whether some of the details were Stan, telling the story to Soos in his memories, deliberately conflating details of Ford’s and his childhood experiences.  Tiny glasses-Stan being bullied in Dreamscapers could be true; and little non-glasses Stan standing up to bullies in ATOTS could be post-boxing-lessons, having gained in confidence.  The part that bugs me is why he would then go from more-confident little non-glasses Stan, to nerdy/dorky glasses-wearing teen Stan at the movies, punching Carla’s attacker.  But, ehn.  For purposes of this discussion, let’s just go with the broad strokes of what that sequence conveys.)

So, where does that lead both of their lives, though?

Does polydactyl Stan come to rely even more on his brother as his only friend, the person who makes him feel like his unusual hands aren’t just no big deal, but are in fact special?  Does that just make Stan even more reluctant to see Ford go away to college?  Unfortunately, I could see that happening.  I’m not sure that reversing the circumstances does anything to address the problems that led to their falling out – the lack of good communication that arose as they became teenagers, or Stan’s dreams of leaving everything behind to pursue a dream career.  

Plus, I don’t know that it affects another innate quality that Stan seems to have – like his mother, for some reason, Stan is drawn to performance and to conning people.  He has a talent for it (at least, he does some of the time, since we have to remember all the sales pitches and cons he failed to pull off).  In that context, the polydactyly is both a curse and a blessing.  A curse, because it makes it less easy for Stan to blend in and become anonymous; he’s always going to attract SOME attention, and he has a trait that he can’t easily hide, the way he can grow out or cut his hair, or grow a mustache.  But a blessing, if he took it that way, because used correctly it could make for a great distraction, as well as a great prop in certain kinds of cons.  

Meahwhile – with the connection to anomalies being through his twin, rather than through himself, does Ford still become as motivated to pursue that study as a life’s work?  In particular, what happens to that interest if/when he and Stan have a falling out?  Would Ford still continue to pursue that line of study when it would be a constant reminder of his twin? Or, bitter at what he thinks of as Stan’s betrayal and untrustworthiness, does he also bitterly reject the subject he once loved, and once wanted to pursue out of love for his twin?  Does he wind up going into some other field, like quantum mechanics or engineering?  

I guess I’d conclude that whether their lives go off on substantially different paths, or not, comes down to many different decision points, not just that one difference.  Ford could wind up on a path that never takes him to Gravity Falls or brings him into contact with Bill.  Or, you could still find a way for that to happen, even if some of the details proceeded differently.  Stan might have somehow used that extra motivation / sense of identification with the weird to propel him into a still shady but viable career path earlier (inspired by his mother’s similar career; that is, himself starting something like the Mystery Shack elsewhere, and earlier, a kind of carnival barker / P.T. Barnum showman). …Or, Stan might have been just that little bit even more dependent on Ford for a feeling of validation, and still messed up, resulting in a rift between the two.

Personally, I think that changing a detail like that becomes more interesting if the results are markedly different from canon.  But basically, I’d be happy to read it, either way.  :)

[scifrey]

Improbable Press put out a call asking fan fiction authors how they went from Free to Fee. Here’s my response. Happy reading!

The Story of How I Started Selling Stories

My parents, teachers, and acting/singing coaches will all tell you that I've always been a story teller. For the first twenty four years of my life, I was determined to do so through musical theatre, though I had always secretly harbored the desire to write a hit stage play. My early writing consisted of plays for my friends and I to put on, interspersed with prose that I supposed would one day become a novel, but which wasn't my passion.

I was a big reader, but where this habit came from, I'm not certain. While my mother always had a book on the go - whatever crumbling paperback law thriller or murder mystery she'd been handed by the woman down the street when she was done it, which was then passed on to the next neighbor - my father and brothers preferred sports (either on TV or outside in the yard) over reading. I stumbled into fantasy and science fiction because Wil Wheaton was hot, and his show was on every Friday night, and from there I consumed every Star Trek tie-in novel my tiny rural library carried, then started following the authors of the novels into their other worlds and series.

So you won't be surprised to learn that this was how I found fan fiction for the first time. My "I love this, gee, I wonder what else there is?" muscle was well developed by junior high, and before the internet had come to The Middle Of Nowhere Rural Ontario, I had already gotten quite adept at search keywords and codexes to track down more books to consume.  Imagine my shock and joy when, in the middle of my Phantom of the Opera phase (come on, fess up, you had one too), the internet in my school library told me about not only Fredrick Forsyth and Susan Kay's stunning re-tellings, but of something called fan fiction.

I wasted a lot of the librarian's ink and paper printing out these books and secreting them into binders and pretending to do school work at my desk or backstage between scenes. A lot. And yes, I still have most of them.

And as we all well know, the jump between reading and writing is a short when one is submerged so fully in communities of creators. Everyone else's "What If" rubs off on you, and it's just a matter of time before you find yourself playing with the idea of coaxing a few plot bunnies over to spend some time with you. Not everyone loves to write, but gosh darn it, if you want to give it a try, then you couldn't ask for a better, more supportive community. It doesn't matter how new you are to it, everyone reads, everyone comments, everyone makes suggestions. People beta read. People edit. People co-write. People cheer, and support, and recommend, and enthuse. Yeah, there are the occasional jerks, flammers, and wank-mongers, but on the whole? There's literally no better place to learn how to be a writer than in fandom, I firmly believe this.

So, of course, born storyteller that I am, I had to give it a try.

I started writing fan fiction in 1991 for a small, relatively obscure Canadian/Luxembourg co-pro children’s show called Dracula: the Series.  I used to get up and watch it on Saturday mornings, in my PJs, before heading off to whichever rehearsal or read through or practice I had that year.

1995 brought the English dub of Sailor Moon to my life, (and put me on the path to voice acting), and along with a high-school friend, I wrote, printed out, illustrated, and bound my first “book” – a self-insert story that was just over eleven pages long, which introduced new Scouts based on us.  From there, I didn’t really stop.

1996 led me to Forever Knight and Dragon Ball Z, and from there to my friend’s basement where they’d just installed the internet. We chatted with strangers on ICQ, joined Yahoo!Groups and Bravenet Chat Boards. (Incidentally, a friend from my DBZ chat group turned out to be a huge DtS fan, too. We wrote a big crossover together which is probably only accessible on the Wayback Machine now. We stayed friends, helped each other through this writing thing, and now she’s Ruthanne Reid, author of the popular Among the Mythos series.)  In 2000 I got a fanfiction.net account and never looked back.

In 2001, while in my first year of university for Dramatic Arts, I made my first Real Live fandom friends. We wrote epic-length self-insert fics in Harry Potter and Fushigi Yuugi, cosplayed at conventions (sometimes using the on-campus wardrobe department’s terrifyingly ancient serger), and made fan art and comics in our sketchbooks around studying for our finals and writing essays on critical theory or classical Latin.  I was explaining the plot of the next big fic I was going to write to one of them, an older girl who had been my T.A. but loved Interview with the Vampire just as dearly as I, when she said, “You know, this sounds really interesting. Why don’t you strip all the fandom stuff out of the story and just write it as a novel?”

You can do that? was my first thought.

No! I don’t want to! Writing is my fun hobby. What will happen if I try to be a writer and get rejected by everyone and I end up hating it? was my second.

But the seed was planted.  Slowly at first, and then at increasingly obsessive pace, I began writing my first novel around an undergrad thesis,  fourth-year  essays,  several other big fanfics that popped me into the cusp of BNF status but never quite over the tine, and then a move to Japan to teach English. From 2002-2007 I wrote about 300 000 words on the novel that I would eventually shut away in my desk drawer and ignore until I published on Wattpad under my pseudonym on a lark. It was messy. It was long. It was self-indulgent and blatantly inspired by Master of Mosquiton, Interview with the Vampire, Forever Knight, and anything written by Tanya Huff, Laurell K. Hamilton, and Charlaine Harris. This was fine for fanfic, but in terms of being comfortable with presenting it to agents and publishing houses, I felt that it wasn’t original enough.

By this time I was teaching overseas, and in my spare time (and boy, was there a lot of spare time while sitting in a Japanese teacher’s office for 40 hours per week when one only actually teaches for 11 of them) I started applying to MA programs (where I eventually wrote my thesis on Mary Sue Fan Fiction). I also spent it researching “How to Get Published”, mostly by Googling it and/or buy/reading the few books on the topic in English I could find at the local book store or order from the just-then-gaining-international traction online bookstore Amazon.

What that research mostly told me was “Write and sell a bunch of short fiction first, so you have proof that a) you can do the work and b) you can finish what you promise you’ll finish and c) you have proof that other people think you’re worth spending money on.”

Short fiction. Huh. Of course we’d studied short stories in school, and I’d even taken a short story writing class in university, though nothing I’d written for the class was indicative of the kinds of stories I preferred to tell. But I felt pretty confident about this whole writing short stories thing… after all, I’d been doing weekly challenges for years. Drabbles. Flashfic. Stories and chapters that were limited to the word count cap that LiveJournal put on its posts. I’d written novellas without knowing that’s what they were called; I’d written whole novels about other people’s characters. All I needed was an idea. Short fiction I could do.

Unfortunately, everything that came to me was fanfic inspired. It frustrated me, because I didn’t want to write a serial-numbers-filed-off story. I wanted to write something original and epic and inspiring. Something just mine. I started and stopped a lot of stories in 2006-2007. I’d been doing NaNoWriMo for years by then, having been introduced to it in undergrad, and I was determined that this would be the year that I wrote something I could shop. Something just mine. Something unique.

While I adored fanfiction, I was convinced that I couldn't make a career on it.  What had once been a fun hobby soon because a source of torment. Why could I think of a hundred ways to write a meet-cute between my favorite ships, but come up utterly blank when it came to something new and original and just mine?

It took me a while to realize that my playwriting and short story teachers had been correct when they said that there are no original stories in the world, no way you can tell a tale that someone else hasn’t already tried. The "Man vs." list exists for a reason.

The unique part isn’t your story, it’s your voice. Your lived life, your experiences, your way of forming images and structuring sentences. Your choices about who the narrator character is, and what the POV will be, and how the characters handle the conflict. In that way, every piece of writing ever done is individual and unique, even the fanfic. Because nobody is going to portray that character’s quirk or speech pattern quite like you do, nobody is going to structure your plot or your imagery like you. Because there is only one of you. Only one of me. Even if we're all writing fanfiction, no one's story sounds like anyone else's,  or is told like anyone else's.

That is the reality of being a storyteller.

And strangely enough, the woman who opened my eyes to this was a psychic from a psychic fair I attended, who told me that Mark Twain was standing over her shoulder admonishing me to stop fretting and just get something on the page – but to never forget character. My strength, she said that he said, was in creating memorable, well written, well rounded characters. And that my book should focus on that above concerns of plot or pacing.

Well, okay. If Mark Twain says that’s what my strength is, then that’s what my strength is, right? Who am I to argue with the ghost of Mark Freaking Twain?

An accident with a bike and a car on a rice patty left me immobile for six weeks in 2006, and I decided that if I was finally going to write this original short story to sell – especially since I would need income, as the accident made it obvious that I would never be able to dance professionally, and probably would never be able to tread the boards in musicals – now was the perfect time. I was going to stop fighting my fannish training and write.

I cherry picked and combined my favorite aspects of Doctor Who, Stargate: Atlantis, Torchwood, The Farm Show/The Drawer Boy, and my own melancholy experiences with culture shock and liminal-living in a foreign culture, and wrote a novella titled (Back). It was a character study of a woman named Evvie who, through an accident of time travel, meets the future version of her infant daughter Gwen. And realizes she doesn’t like the woman her daughter will become. It was a story about accepting people for who they are, instead of who you wish they would be, and had a strong undercurrent of the turbulence I was going through in trying to figure out my own sexuality and that I wouldn't have the future in performance that I had been working toward since I was four.

Deciding that I would worry about where I would try to publish the story after it had been written, I sat down and wrote what ended up being (at least for me) a pretty standard-length fanfic: 18,762 words. It was only after I had finished the story that I looked up what category that put it in – Novella. Using paying  reputable markets, like Duotrope, the Writer’s Digest, MSFV, Absolute Write, SFWA, my local Writer’s Union, Writer Beware, I realized that I had shot myself in the foot.

It seems like nearly nobody publishes novellas anymore. SF/F and Literary Fiction seem to be the last two bastions of the novella, and the competition to get one published is fierce.  The markets that accepted SF/F novellas was vanishingly thin I had to do a lot of Googling and digging to figure out who I could submit to with an unagented/unsolicited SF/F novella. If I recall correctly, it was only about ten publications. I built an excel database and filled it with all the info I found.

I put together a query letter and sent it off using my database to guide me. Most of the rejections were kind, and said that the story was good, just too long/too short/ too sci-fi-y/not sci-fi-y enough. Only one market offered on it – for $10 USD. Beggers couldn’t be choosers, even if I had hoped to make a little more than ten bucks, and I accepted.

It was a paid professional publication, and that’s what mattered to me. I had the first entry on my bibliography, and something to point to in my query letters to prove that I was a worthy investment for a publisher/agent.

And energized by this, and now aware that length really does matter, even in online-only publications, I started writing other shorts to pad out my bibliography more.

I tried to tailor these ones to what my research told me the "mainstream industry" and "mainstream audiences" wanted, and those stories? Those were shot down one after the other. I was still writing fanfiction at the time, too, and those stories were doing well, getting lots of positive feedback, so why weren’t my stories?

In 2007 I returned to Canada and Academia, frustrated by my lack of sales, desperate to kick off my publishing career, and feeling a creative void left by having to depart theatre because of my new difficulties walking. I wrote my MA, and decided that if (Back) was the only original story that people liked, then I’d try to expand it into a novel.

Over the course of two years I did my coursework, and  read everything there was to read about how to get a book deal, started hanging out in writer’s/author’s groups in Toronto and met some great people who were willing to guide me, and expanded (Back) into the novel Triptych. I kept reminding myself what Mark Twain said – character was my strength, the ability to make the kind of people that other writers wanted to write stories about, a skill I’d honed while writing fanfic. Because that's what we do, isn't it? Sure, we write fix-its and AUs and fusions and finish cancelled shows, and fill in missing scenes, but what we're all really doing is playing with characters, isn't it? Characters draw us to fanfic, and characters keep us there. Characters is what we specialize in.

Fanfic had taught me to work with a beta reader, so I started asking my fic betas if they'd like a go at my original novel. Fellow fanfic writers, can I just say how valuable editors and beta readers in the community are? These are people who do something that I've paid a professional editor thousands of dollars to do for free out of sheer love. Treasure your beta readers, folks. Really.

“It reminds me a lot of fan fiction,” one reader said. “The intense attention to character and their inner life, and the way that the worldbuilding isn’t dumped but sprinkled in an instance at a time, like, you know, a really good AU. I love it.”

Dear Lord. I couldn’t have written a better recommendation or a more flattering description if I’d tried. Mark Twain was right, it seems. And fanfic was the training ground, for me – my apprenticeship in storytelling.

Of course... what Mr. Twain hadn't explained is that character-study novels just don't sell in SF/F. They say Harry Potter was rejected twelve times? HA. I shopped Triptych to both agents and small presses who didn't require you to have an agent to publish with them, and I got 64 rejections. Take that, J.K.

At first the rejection letters were forms and photocopied "no thanks" slips. But every time I got feedback from a publisher or agent, I took it to heart, adjusted the manuscript, edited, tweaked, tweaked, tweaked. Eventually, the rejections started to get more personal. "I loved this character, but I don't know how to sell this book." And "I really enjoyed the read, but it doesn't really fit the rest of our catalogue." And "What if you rewrote the novel to be about the action event that happens before the book even starts, instead of focusing solely on the emotional aftermath?"

In other words - "Stop writing fanfiction." There seemed to be a huge disconnect between what the readership wanted and what the publishing world thought they wanted.

Disheartened, frustrated, and wondering if I was going to have to give up on my dreams of being a professional creative, I attended Ad Astra, a convention in Toronto, in 2009. At a room party, complaining to my author friends that "nobody wanted my gay alien threesome book!" a woman I didn't know asked me about the novel. We chatted, and it turned out she was the acquisitions editor for Dragon Moon Press, and incidentally, also a fan of fan fiction.

I sent her Triptych. She rejected it. I asked why. She gave me a laundry list of reasons. I said, "If I can address these issues and rewrite it, would you be willing to look at it again?" She said yes. She was certain, however, that I wouldn't be able to fix it. I spent the summer rewriting - while making sure to stay true to my original tone of the novel, and writing a character-study fanfiction. I sent it in the fall. I do believe it was Christmas eve when I received the offer of publication.

From there, my little fic-inspired novel was nominated for two Lambda Literary Awards and a CBC Bookie, was named one of the best books of 2011 by the Advocate, and garnered a starred review and a place on the Best Books Of The Year at Publishers Weekly.

The award nominations led me to an agent, and further contracts, and even conversations with studio execs. It also made me the target of Requires Only That You Hate, and other cranky, horrible reviewers. But you know what? I've had worse on a forum, and on ff.n, and LJ. It sucked, and it hurt, but if there's one thing fandom has taught me, it's that not everyone is going to love what you do, and not everyone interprets things the same way you do. The only thing we can do is learn from the critique if it's valid and thoughtful, and ignore the screaming hate and bullying. Then you pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and go write something else.

 Because a screaming hater? Is not going to ruin my love of storytelling.

But for all that... the day someone made me fan art based on Triptych is one etched in my memory. It means far more to me than any of the emails I ever received inquiring about representation or film rights, or wanting meetings to discuss series.

The lesson I learned from publishing Triptych  - now sadly out of print, but we're looking for a new home for it - is that if I chase what the "mainstream" and the "industry" want, I'll never write anything that sells because my heart won't be in it. I have to keep writing like a fanficcer, even if I'm not writing fanfic, if I want to create something that resonates with people. And if it takes time for the publishers and acquiring editors to figure out what I'm doing, and how to sell it, then fine - I have an agent on my side now, and a small growing number of supporters, readers, and editors who love what I do.

Do I still write fanfic? Very, very rarely. I’ve had some pretty demanding contracts and deadlines in the last two years, so I’ve had to pare down my writing to only what’s needed to fulfill my obligations. Doesn’t mean I don’t have ideas for fics constantly.

Sometimes the urge is powerful enough that I do give into it – I wrote To A Stranger, based on Mad Lori’s Performance in a Leading Role Sherlock AU recently, when I should have been writing the second and third novels of The Accidental Turn Series. And even more recently, I cleaned up To A Stranger  into something resembling a real screenplay and started shopping it around to film festivals and producers because I love this story, I love what I did with it, and I’m proud of the work. If To A Stranger is only ever a fanfic, that’s fine with me. I poured my heart into it and am so proud of it. But I figure that if there’s one more project I could possibly get into the real world, then why not go for it?

The worst thing the festival heads and producers can say about the work is: “No, thank you.” And being an online writer has taught me not to take the “no, thank you”s personally. Applying the values of Don’t Like Don’t Read or Not My Kink to your publication/agent search makes it much easier to handle the rejections – not every story is for every person.

Maybe once every producer in North America has rejected it, I might think about working with someone to adapt the screenplay into an illustrated comic fanbook? Who knows?

That’s the joy of starting out as a writer in fandom – felixibility, adaptability, creative problem-solving and cross-platform storytelling comes as naturally as breathing to us fan writers. It’s what we do.

You may not think that this is a strength, but trust me, it is. I was never so shocked at an author’s meetup as when I suggested to someone that their “writer’s block” sounded to me like they were telling the story in the wrong format. “I think this is a comic, not a novel,” I’d said. “It sounds so visual. That's why the story is resisting you.” And they stared at me like I suddenly had an extra head and said, “But I’m a novelist.” I said, “No, you’re a writer. Try it.” They never did, as far as I know, and they never finished that book, either.

As fans, our strength isn't just in what we write, or how we come to our stories. It’s also about the physical practice of writing, too. We’re a group of people who have learned to carry notebooks, squeeze in a few hundred words between classes, or when the baby is napping, or during our lunch breaks, or on commute home. This is our hobby, we fit it in around our lives and jobs, and that has taught us the importance of just making time.

We are, on average, more dedicated and constant writers than some of the “novelists” that I’ve met: the folks who wait for inspiration to strike, who quit their day jobs in pursuit of some lofty ideal of having an office and drinking whiskey and walking the quay and waiting for madam muse to grace them, who throw themselves at MFAs and writing retreats, as if it's the attendance that makes them writers and not the work of it.

We fans are career writers. We don’t wait for inspiration to come to us, we chase it down with a butterfly net. We write when and where we can. More than that, we finish things. (Or we have the good sense to know when to abandon something that isn’t working.) We write to deadlines. Self-imposed ones, even.

We write 5k on a weekend for fun, and think NaNoWriMo’s 50k goal and 1667 words per day are a walk in the park. (When I know it terrifies some of the best-selling published authors I hang out with.) Or if we fans don’t write fast, then we know that slow and steady works too, and we’re willing to stick it out until our story is finished, even if it takes years of weekly updates to do so. We have patience, and perseverance, and passion.

This is what being a fanfiction writer has given me. Not only a career as a writer, but tools and a skill-set to write work that other people think is work awarding, adapting, and promoting. And the courage to stick to my guns when it comes to telling the kinds of stories that I want to tell.

This is what being a fanfiction writer gives us.

Aren’t we lucky, fellow fans? Hasn’t our training been spectacular?

*

J.M. (@scifrey) is a SF/F author, and professional smartypants on AMI Audio’s Live From Studio 5. She’s appeared in podcasts, documentaries, and on television to discuss all things geeky through the lens of academia. Her debut novel TRIPTYCH was nominated for two Lambda Literary Awards,  nominated for a 2011 CBC Bookie, was named one of The Advocate’s Best Overlooked Books of 2011, and garnered both a starred review and a place among the Best Books of 2011 from Publishers Weekly. Her sophomore novel, an epic-length feminist meta-fantasy THE UNTOLD TALE (Accidental Turn Series #1), debuted to acclaim in 2015 and was followed by THE FORGOTTEN TALE (Accidental Turn Series #2) this past December. FF.N | LJ |AO3| Books | Tumblr

[purplesurveys]

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Health

How is your health? It’s doing fine, as usual. My stomach did feel weird this morning – like it couldn’t digest properly – because I downed five slices of pizza within minutes last night lmao, but it has since calmed down. 

Do you know anyone who has beaten cancer? One of my former Filipino teachers had thyroid cancer but beat it.

When was the last time you had a doctor’s appointment? Three years ago when I was signing up to be admitted to my university.

How often do you exercise? Literally never. Gab and her sisters actually made me do wall push-ups and squats last night. I could hold neither position for more than a few seconds at a time because of how unfamiliar I am with exercise lmaaaaao.

Do you take physical education in school? We took it every single year from kindergarten to high school, and we also have to take four PE classes in college.

Are you on any medications? Nope. Do you have any mental disorders? I’m sure I do. I just have never gotten around to getting myself checked. Have you ever ‘walked’ for a foundation (e.g., Breast Cancer, Heart Stroke, etc.)? No. I’ve marched before but it was for Pride lol, nothing to do with health.

Books

Are there many shelves in your house dedicated to books? No, not shelves. The top of my closet serves as a ‘shelf’ for my books, and I also have a drawer-like compartment (with 3 levels) with all of my childbook books, but that’s it; I don’t think that counts as a lot, especially because I’ve stopped reading.

A lot would be in one of our older houses. My great-grandfather was a lawyer and had shelves upon shelves UPON SHELVES UPON SHELVES of every kind of encylopedias and law books you could ever imagine. I remember as a child being confused about that house being so cramped and why we had to have so many books; I didn’t come to appreciate what it all meant until recently. What page are you on in the book you’re reading? I’m on page 30something, but I stopped reading it. It’s a book on business and it started to get all technical and I just lost interest. Do you have an opinion on the Harry Potter/Twilight debate, or is it all stupid and pointless? It’s stupid to me mainly because they’re two different books with different plots and different personalities. I liked Twilight because I resonated with Bella more and the stories of the werewolves and vampires were interesting to me. Harry Potter bored me immediately with the antics of the kids and the spells and the potions and the talking newspaper. Doesn’t stop me from picking a side though, lol. Is there a section of the library you always gravitate towards? Non-fiction. History and biography. I stay away from the fiction area. Do you read more books or magazines? If I am caught reading...books. What was the last book you read aloud? Not a book, but I would read my academic readings aloud so I can process them quicker and better. It was probably a political science reading since it was one of the last tests I took last semester. Is being published one of your biggest aspirations? It was, when I was 10. If I’m published I’d like it to be for an academic paper, and not anymore a literary work. Do you keep your books in good shape, or are they pretty thrashed? They’re all in good shape. Most are just yellowing as my collection is pretty old.

Guys

Are you a guy? Nopes.

Are males your preferred gender? I still don’t really know how to answer this because I’m a demisexual who has only ever been with a girl. Safe answer: I have no idea. I don’t put a label on myself because of this, and only go with what Dan Howell has called those who aren’t a fan of labels either, “a formless blob.”

What is your father’s name? Edgardo.

Do you have a best guy friend? My closest friend would probably be Hans.

Are guys more confusing than girls? No. I’ve found that guys are generally straightforward, way more so than girls. At least the ones I know of. If you’re not a guy, what would you do if you could be a guy for a day? I just won’t cat-call. Otherwise I’d spend the whole time wishing I was back to being a girl.

How many uncles do you have? In the Philippines, every older man that you have some sort of relationship with – whether it’s your parents’ brother, a friend’s dad, your girlfriend’s dad, a family friend, your mom’s cousin’s husband, etc. – is an uncle. That being said, I have tons of them.

Are the majority of the people in your household male? No. We’re five in the family and with my dad gone most of the time, it’s the three of us girls and my brother.

Facebook

How many times a day do you log on? Several times. All work updates are carried out there so I have to check it hourly or so. Using actual applications catering to work feels too unfamiliar for us to use; in the Philippines, it has always been Facebook.

What kind of applications do you prefer (i.e., games, trivia, gifts, etc.)? I just use Messenger. While we use Facebook for virtually everything, I’m generally not a fan of the culture there.

Do you like to ‘poke’ people a lot, or is that just annoying? I never did that when it was popular.

Who do you talk to the most on there? My executive board in my organization.

Do you join many groups? No. I joined hundreds of irrelevant groups when I first joined at 14, but I’ve since removed myself from those. I’m a member of a handful that cater to my interests, like Dogspotting for dogs and a lot of local ones like What’s your ulam pare? for people who wanna share what they’re eating for the day haha.

How many friends do you have? Like 480 if I’m not mistaken.

Is Facebook better than MySpace? I never really got to be a part of ~the Myspace experience~ honestly. I made an account but 1) I was too young, and 2) Myspace was beginning to phase out by then. I wouldn’t say Facebook is better; it’s just that I’ve used it more than Myspace.

What do you think of the current homepage layout? ?

Cooking

Would you say you’re a good cook? Nope. I did ask my grandmother, who’s an amazing cook, to pass on her recipes to me eventually because while I’m really bad in the kitchen, I really really want to learn.

Was macaroni and cheese the first thing you remember making on the stove? I think it may have been scrambled eggs, since it’s the first meal my dad ever taught me.

Have you ever cooked an entire meal for someone/a group of people? No :( I want to in the future though. I’m always the ‘mom’ in all of my friend groups so might as well push it to the limit.

Who cooks more, your mom or your dad? My dad is a chef, so there’s your answer.

Do you have any recipes that have been in your family for a while? I guess. It just sucks because cooking seems to skip generations and just affects select people lmao. Like my grandma has a bunch of original recipes, but so far, no one has learned how to cook any of them. I don’t want to lose her recipes so I made sure to be the first one to ask for my grandma’s recipe box.

When was the last time you cooked at someone else’s house? We baked cookies at Angela’s house, but that was nearly a year ago.

Have you ever cooked something on the barbecue? Nope. 

Are you a better cook or baker? I can’t tell. I can still do neither lmao.

Musical Instrument

The survey said to skip this section if I can’t play any, but I don’t really like that option and I like to pretend that I play the piano anyway haha. Get ready to see some haphazard answers on here.

What instrument do you play? We had to learn the recorder from fourth grade. I’ve also had a fantasy of learning how to play the piano so I ‘know’ how to play a few melodies but only with one hand at a time haha.

How long have you been playing it? I’ve known how to use the recorder for ~10 years. I ‘taught’ myself how to play songs on the piano starting when I was 18, so that makes it three years.

Did you take lessons, or are you self-taught? We were taught the recorder in music class for several years in elementary. As for the piano, I just used YouTube videos to analyze the keys that were being pressed and just memorized them so I can play my favorite tunes. I don’t actually know what I’m pressing, or how the notes work, or if I’m using my fingers correctly hahahahaha.

What is the latest song you’ve played on it? I don’t remember; I haven’t fooled around on the piano in a while.

Would you say you’re advanced, or do you have a lot to learn? I have sooooooo much to learn when it comes to THE piano. I know nothing about it AT all; I’m just pressing keys here and there and that’s only because I’ve memorized what to press from YouTube tutorials.

Do you read sheet music to play? Nope.

Have you played this instrument in school? I’ve had to play both + guitar because we were taught all three instruments in music class so we had to play them as part of the exams.

How many of this instrument do you own? We have a guitar, a recorder, and a keyboard.

The 1990s

Were you born in the 90s? Which year? Yep, just by the end of it though so I’m not too attached to the decade. 1998.

Do you remember getting your/your parents getting their first cell phone in the early 90s? I wasn’t alive for most of it and wasn’t conscious enough for the rest of it, so I don’t actually know when my parents got their first phones. I got mine in 2005.

Can you name the main characters from Saved By The Bell? No. Never seen the show.

Were you obsessed with any boy band? I’ve been into boy bands before but this was in the 2010s, lmao.

What is one fashion trend from this decade that you hope never comes back? Low-rise jeans.

Did you get into the Japanese pop culture like most did? (e.g., Sailor Moon, Pokemon, etc.) No. I got into Pokemon though.

If you could sum the 90s up in one word, what would it be? I was too young in the 90s to remember it enough to come up with a word for it.

How old were you when we entered a new millennium? I was going to turn 2 in 2000.

Celebrities

Are you sick of hearing about the Chris Brown/Rihanna situation? No. I’d always take every opportunity to trash Chris Brown. Do you read gossip magazines? If so, who do you pay attention to the most? Sometimes. My grandma collects them some months lmao. What do you think about people still going on about the whole Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston/Angelina Jolie “triangle”? I was too young to ever be aware of it. What celebrity does not deserve to be famous? Logan Paul and Jake Paul and the rest of their little group.

Do you think celebrities have a right to complain about the paparazzi? Of course. Some of them can be complete assholes. Would you ever want to be a celebrity? I imagine it sometimes, but I wouldn’t know what for. What do you think of Perez Hilton? Attention seeker.