#so that’s also why I’m only speaking on Mal’s but overall the interactions with everyone are so disappointing

[yourqueenb]

Also quick focus on Mal… If I ignore some of the things that happened in this chapter, I still like his “reunion” scene from last week. It was fun and felt kind of like old times. But when you factor those things in — mainly the fact that he said he thought we were dead — the way he acted last chapter is so upsetting and doesn’t even make sense now. If he really thought MC was dead, why wasn’t he more shocked to see her? If he couldn’t express that during/after the heist, why couldn’t he express that on the dock or at camp or literally anywhere else? Why has everything been so rushed? What are the writers doing??

[herorps]

shadow and bone and racism

shadow and bone just came out so i can now finally break my silence bc holy shit do they go ham on the racism and me being me, i just have to tell you all about it. possible spoilers and triggers for anti-asian racism and microaggressions.

to preface, i was very privileged to receive a screener for the entire first season last month and i was actually excited to watch it bc i have friends who love the books and the show piqued my interest since it was announced. and i also have to say that i never read the books and i probably never will ( tho i’ve been told i would like soc ) but i did like the show overall. 

i think sab is a good adaptation and that the fans will like this show. i thoroughly enjoyed it and as someone who had very little to almost no knowledge about the books, i didn’t have trouble keeping up with the fantastical world. 

however that doesn’t mean i can’t be critical of it. 

i think the show can actually benefit from people being critical about it because so far, it feels like they took a very tone deaf direction and ran a marathon with it. 

what i’m talking about, is alina starkov being half-shu. 

now, i said before that my interest was piqued for this show when it was announced and one of the major reasons is the casting of biracial actress, jessie mei li, in the role of alina starkov. i can’t tell you how happy i was to see that a half-chinese actress was cast as the lead in a series based on such a beloved ip, especially since the creators of the show consciously changed alina’s ethnicity to be half-shu before casting calls were even sent out. ( for those of you who are also non-book readers, shu is the race of people from the country, shu han, and is based off primarily mongolian and chinese cultures ) 

so i was endeared with the idea that this character, that is coded white, was deliberately changed to be coded asian ( and coded mixed race to boot ) because the producers wanted to include diversity into the show. i commend that, i love that, i support that. but i believe the way they handled it, shouldn’t have been the way they handled it. and it’s because alina’s race is constantly brought up. 

obviously of course race is going to be brought up at some point. alina in the show is surrounded by white people when we first see her, and her home country of ravka does have a hostile history with shu han----i get it. racism is going to play a part in alina’s story. but it doesn’t necessarily need to go so far as to constantly remind the audience that she is shu in almost every interaction she has with someone she meets. 

and that’s a big part of the issue, is that nearly everyone she meets will bring up the fact that she’s part-shu. and a lot of the time, it’s said with hostility. now i’m not exactly sure if i’m just being particularly sensitive because of certain recent events, but the anti-asian racism hits differently these days. idk. 

because that’s what it is, at the end of the day. it’s racism. alina is often the target of very hostile racism and it seems to mainly be directed at her character and her character only. 

and honestly, on a surface level it makes sense, i sort of understand what the producers are trying to do. ravka has a turbulent history with shu han and were involved in wars with them and they’re often seen as the enemy so obviously that would affect a shu-mixed person growing up in ravka, a very white country. but on a deeper level, it reminds me a lot of the anti-japanese sentiments during wwii. the production team even created a banner that i felt called back to those anti-japanese propaganda of that era. ( mind you it was shown multiple times, in main focus, and acknowledged by characters that were coded shu ) 

but on the other hand, they’ve done a considerable job to diversify at least the ethnic makeup of ravka. there are black and brown grisha at the school and there are people of different cultures ( noted by costuming, etc. ) in ketterdam and there’s even a shu-appearing trainer that teaches the grisha to fight. so my question is, why is this very hostile treatment primarily geared toward shu people and geared toward alina specifically? it just doesn’t make sense to me. 

and when i say it’s specifically geared toward alina, i mean that it’s very apparent that they’re targeting her specifically, because mal  ( played by a possibly mixed-race archie renaux ) is also coded to be of mixed shu blood. while it is not explicitly stated that mal is shu, it is heavily implied that he is mixed, but he is never subject to the treatment that alina is, and the only times he is subject to racism is when alina is also present. in scenes where we see alina and mal as kids, they are often both referred to as “mutts” or “half-breeds”. but when they are older, only alina is continuously called those things. 

this isn’t even touching the microaggressions she faces after she’s at grisha school and this one line that made my gut wrench so viscerally i had to pause the episode and replay the part so i could confirm what i heard. [ episode 3 spoiler warning ] i’m trying to avoid posting screenshots or from spoiling parts of the show but there’s a scene where alina is being cleaned up and made presentable by servants and one of them says “I’d start by making her eyes less Shu.” [ end episode 3 spoiler ] i don’t think i have to explain to anyone how offensive that is. and i understand that the intention was to show how racist this servant is, that the entire point of of this weird racism plot is to show how the people of ravka can be racist and ignorant, but to have that line be written by a white writer, approved by a white showrunner and said by a white character to the face of an asian actor/character feels very tactless. it feels like another antagonist alina has to go against is racism itself. 

what also turns me off about this scene is that jessie mei li revealed that this scene is what actresses had to audition with. “...the sides that they sent for the audition, like Alina is talking to Genya and they’re talking about her eyes and they’re talking about her Shu ancestry.” having actresses of mixed-asian ancestry come in and act out that scene for white producers doesn’t really sit right with me. and i know that there’s an argument to be had about how it’s important to show the minutia of what it’s like to be ethnic in a world ruled by white supremacy and that it’s important to show how alina’s race affects her story, but i don’t think that going this far is necessary to the development of plot or character. 

and i don’t personally know jml, i don’t know how she feels about the show apart from what she’s probably briefed to talk about in interviews, but it is perfectly valid for me to feel iffy about the microaggressions while she feels that it’s necessary for character development ( again, this is just an example, i have no clue what she thinks of the racism ). our experiences are different, our upbringings are different, but we’re both happy to see representation and i’m happy that she’s happy to see an actual mixed-chinese character on screen as the lead. 

i’m glad that the producers were open to diversity and were open to making the lead a person of color, but it’s things like the treatment of shu characters and exchanges like “Tell her...Oh, I don’t know...good morning.” “I don’t actually speak Shu.” and “I didn’t know the Zemeni had such talent.” “She’s Suli.”  ( zemeni is a race of “dark-skinned” people and suli are coded south asian/mena/wena so this exchange is just white people mixing the brown people up )  that remind me the majority of the writers and producers are white. 

now i’m not saying that you should boycott the show or that this show is the most problematic thing to ever grace my retinas, because i really enjoyed watching it and i want to see what season 2 has in store ( more crows content please ). but, i want you all to please keep all of this in mind when you watch the series and think critically of what kinds of unconscious biases these producers had. you’re allowed to have nuanced opinions, you’re allowed to be critical of the media you enjoy so long as you understand where some people’s criticisms are coming from---where my criticisms are coming from. i just hope in future seasons the treatment of alina gets better and that she actually learns to love her shu side because otherwise it’s just going to be problematic as the show continues. 

[shesmyplusone]

overall i really loved the show lmao obviously by my posts. here’s a bit more just to get my thoughts organized:

-loved loved loved when alina didn’t use david’s mirrors because if kaz had seen them he would have called it a trick. like i was annoyed until his conversation with inej and it makes sense they changed it

-every genya and david scene had me crying lol poor genya she’s so composed around literally everyone else but the moment this awkward little ducast shows up she can’t remember how to speak

-also she totally took alina by the library for a glance of him<3

-all i could think about when there were scenes in the darkling’s rooms/his little map room was how that’s going to be zoya’s rooms in kos/where all the planning conversations take place in kos/row and it made me a bit hysterical tbh

-the darklina was like. managable. like i didn’t like it, but i knew it would end at some point and just had to push through all those kisses lmao poor alina

-i am still offended for count kirigan’s sake that the darkling STOLE his name. like the man was effectively ridiculous in kos/row but. he didn’t deserve THAT.

-mal was perfect. no complaints from me, a noted mal stan since i read s&b in 2016<3

-every single man who the crows had to go meet/interact with that we didn’t know...i thought was going to be strumhond. like i knew leigh said no nikolai but it was like my heart wouldn’t accept it.

-i was SO angry after the third episode because of that little line about how nina had ‘no loyalty’ and i was just. SO MAD because her being a soldier was like the whole POINT of her character. but then she was just spying and i felt much better.

-i am still a little upset zoya was interacting with her/the one sent after her. but if the choice was between her going after nina and her getting to be on the fold/fixing her relationship with alina. i mean....one is more important than the other in the now, and not everyone is thinking about rule of wolves like me. so sorry zoya’s open door, you’ll have to wait</3

-freddy carter is hot. he was a good kaz. sadly he did not get to hit the darkling with his cane. But! he did escape the cut so points to kaz i love you buddy

-’we need a demo man’ JESPERRRRRR you wound me. yes, you DO need a demo man. just not yet<3

-i read some spoilers than said jesper was like ‘sterotypically written because he came onto everyone’ and he literally only flirted with that one stablehand. like....bi people are allow to flirt/sleep w one dude. like it’s fine. it’s not sterotypically anything except a bit sterotypically jesper to get distracted on a job lmao

-inej struggling with killing was SOO good. all her religious stuff was good. man she was wonderful thank you amita!!!! also i like she was worried about zoya. not enough people were worried about zoya!!!

-obvious racist zoya was bad. like, obviously. it’s awful she was racist to alina. she shouldn’t have done it. she’s canonically at this point at the story antagonistic to her. she has to make alina feel like she doesn’t belong so the darkling CAN. to build up that bond before baghara destroys it. And with the constant racism alina was getting from other directions it would have felt a bit...underwhelming if zoya had just told alina she smells. like. also zoya’s canonically suli so she was hitting alina where it hurts. obviously it’s a change from the books and i get why people don’t like it but don’t act like zoya’s not going to hit someone with every weapon she has when she feel threatened. especially a zoya at that point in her arc.

-interesting that mal DIDN’T sleep with her this time. i think that helps his character a lot, to be honest, but it’s not like he and alina were together at that point so it’s not really a hit against him in the books. it’s interesting because it (and what happened on the fold) means zoya’s arc with alina is going to change when (if, really) we get season 2. because she’s not going to be in a love triangle with a guy who isn’t interested, and alina literally has no reason to distrust her when she already knows she’s against the darkling. like....that’s her entire S&S arc gone (yes. i did re-read only her bits like two weeks ago lmao). so.....i’m thinking (god, please renew this show) that she’s going to get nikolai stuff instead, do the love triangle from that angle. like nikolai’s still going to be like ‘we should get married for political reasons’ to alina but his heart won’t be into it because he’s going to get a big fat crush on miss nazyalensky. 

-obviously by my rants i don’t like the darkling. but i think he was well done. it’s good for the audience to see him as a dude who once did have noble intentions- he wanted to keep the grisha safe! but. obviously he wants to be ~the savior~ of the grisha now and thinks only he can do it. also i refuse to call him anything but the darkling, sorry show. props to mal for saying it to his face. also loved their fight on the fold, really going to echo in the finale battle on the fold if there’s a third season 

-jessie was a great alina. i always really liked her but sometimes found her first person perspective exhausting. i loved when she was talking about what she wants :to go across the sea and travel, etc. the dacha in balacirev made me laugh thinking about kos. i personally love her ending in the book and i figure by the time her story’s done in the show she’ll be tired of traveling and that little farm mal wanted will feel much more ideal.

-loved all the political framing during the fete because zoya was literally in the middle of it. all the plotting by the west ravkans was reminding me of kos/row and putting her in the middle of it was great. also her continuingly being alone really stood out to me, especially when she walked through the crowd. similarly when the crows had each other and malina had each other in the finale. she’s missing her prince and man.....i hope we get to see them in season two (please netflix,.....i really want a season two!!!!!)

okay it’s one in the morning. maybe i’ll have more thoughts tomorrow<3

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: Sophie Sides

I cannot overstate how highly I recommend the web series Sanders Sides. In this scripted series, YouTuber Thomas Sanders shares the screen with a cast of characters, each a personification of an aspect of Sanders’s own personality – and each performed by Sanders himself. The ensuing debates and shenanigans are quick-witted, hilarious, and increasingly thought-provoking as the show progresses and more of Sanders’s “Sides” make their presence known.

I stumbled across these videos at a time when I really needed to do some serious reflection on some big questions, such as “What kind of person do I want to be?” and “Am I taking good care of myself?” – the kinds of questions that this show tackles. Sanders Sides has definitely helped me think through some difficult topics.

It’s also gotten me thinking about my own Sides. If I were to split my personality up into different characters, who would I find? I wouldn’t divide myself up along the exact same lines as Thomas Sanders, of course, though our personalities do overlap in some interesting ways.

Let me introduce you to the Sophie Sides!

Lilly – The Dreamer

If it’s time for fun and imagination, then Lilly is not only on board, but at the helm! She is my creative side, the source of my storytelling and my artistic drive. Lilly also embodies my more childlike aspects, including playfulness and optimism. She’s my love of fantasy novels, Disney movies, and puns – and it’s ridiculously easy to make her laugh. Lilly is a constant source of new ideas, so she can be really distracting when I need to focus on just one task. She believes that “princess” is a compliment no matter what tone of voice it’s said in.

(Lilly’s full name is Lilly Belle, a reference to Lillian Disney – Disney Studios ink artist, wife of Walt Disney, and the reason we know the famous mouse as Mickey rather than Mortimer! Lilly wears the longest, swishiest blue dress, perfect for twirling like a Disney princess!)

Maddy – The Mother

I’ve always been the Mom Friend, and Maddy is why. She is the personification of my idea of what it means to be an adult – rational, responsible, and nurturing. Maddy keeps my priorities in order and makes sure that I stay on track and on schedule for all the important things in life. This includes eating well, attending doctor’s appointments, doing homework, attending synagogue, developing my career, and taking care of my friends. Maddy loves structure, rules, and tradition, and so she embodies my religious observance as well.

(Maddy starts with M – M as in “mother” and “maternal”! The other Sides will call her “Mom” if she’s getting too overbearing. Maddy wears professional attire: a black blazer, black slacks, and a dark blue blouse.)

Vashti – The Warrior

For Vashti, the term “social justice warrior” is no insult. She is my morality – a strong, instinctive sense of right and wrong, combined with an incessant, selfless desire for things to be fair. Vashti also embodies my aggressiveness, defensiveness, and vindictiveness; she tends to show up when I’m really pissed off, and she’s a lot shoutier than the other Sides. She holds both me and the world to a very high standard, and she has an unfortunate tendency to jump to conclusions and see issues as black and white. Without her, I’d be a much worse person – but I’m glad the other Sides are there to balance her out.

(In the Book of Esther, Vashti was the queen of Persia. One night, her husband the king told her to dance naked in front of his friends. She refused! My mom used this story to inspire in me an early sense of feminism, and so Vashti seemed the perfect name for this Side. Vashti rocks matching blue jeans and denim jacket over a “Girls Rock!” t-shirt.)

Sidney – The Slacker

While the first three Sides are a “get things done” kind of people, Sidney… is not. She represents my laziness, self-indulgence, and procrastination. Sidney encourages me to expend as little energy as possible and to devote my time to leisure activities, which can put her sharply at odds with Vashti, Maddy, and Lilly. In Sidney’s defense, she is a much-needed source of “chill” in my life. Without her, the other Sides would burn me out!

(Besides the useful alliteration of “Slacker Sidney,” Sid is the name my parents had on standby if I’d been assigned male at birth. The name is mine, but also not mine – appropriate for a Side who embodies qualities about myself that the other Sides don’t readily accept as a part of me. Sidney wears a burgundy hoodie and dark blue sweatpants.)

These first four are the aspects of myself I’m most comfortable with. But, just like in Sanders Sides, the exploration doesn’t end there…

Ex – Anxiety

Two years ago, I wrote a fairy tale about a little monster named Ex who mimics other people’s voices, tricking you into imaginary arguments that get you all riled up about things that didn’t actually happen. When I started thinking about my Sides, Ex turned up again.

Ex would tell you that she’s my forethought, my ability to imagine the outcomes of future interactions. However, the scenarios she presents always run negative. It’d be more accurate to say that Ex embodies my anxiety. She insists that she knows, with 100% certainty, what other people are thinking and how they will react to me. Her goal is to keep me safe, but she tends to blow things out of proportion and leave me feeling downright awful.

(Ex is a shapeshifter, able to appear as anyone in Sophie’s life and even as the other Sides. Ex’s name is the variable X – a placeholder for whatever role she may choose to play. I’m reluctant to give her a name, lest the arguments I have with her taint my emotional response to anyone I happen to meet with that same name. When Ex appears as herself, she wears a long green trench coat and a blue fedora hat. She has little blue horns and a tail which are all obviously attached to her clothing instead of being a part of her body.)

(Side note – lately, I’ve been thinking differently about my interactions with Ex. I’ll talk a bit more about that in next week’s Thursday Thoughts!)

Mal – Depression

Mal embodies my depression and grief. Her appearances used to be much more infrequent, and it was easier to ignore her. Until this year, it’s been easier for me to see her as an enemy or as something that I should hide. But Mal shows up as an expression of my pain. While all the other Sides are talkative, Mal never speaks. Her presence alone is enough to derail a conversation with a wave of sadness; she quietly, sullenly commands attention.

(“Mal” is a Latin root meaning “bad” or “evil,” and Mal embodies the worst feelings I’ve ever had, in response to the worst things which have ever happened to me. She spends most of her time hidden under a pile of blankets, only sitting up when she wants to be noticed, so it’s unclear what she’s wearing. She has permanent dark blue tearstains on both cheeks.)

Eve – Yetzer Hara

If Vashti is Yetzer Hatov – the good inclination, my drive to make the world a better place – then Eve is Yetzer Hara – the evil inclination, my selfishness. As far as Eve is concerned, I should be my number one priority, everyone else in the world be damned! Vashti generally bans Eve from having a seat at the table, as it were, because once Eve has a say, she’s difficult to ignore. Eve is a smooth-talking politician with an agenda of ambition and pride. As Rabbi Nahman said, without yetzer hara telling us to envy our neighbors, we would never seek to improve ourselves. But as Rabbi Hillel said, if I am only for myself, then what am I?

(Christians blame the biblical Eve for “original sin,” and my Eve never met a deadly sin she couldn’t make sound appealing. Of course, she’d be the first to point out that in Judaism the concept of “sin” is much more complicated than that! Eve wears a light blue dress, much more form-fitting and much less swishy than Lilly’s. She has glowing golden eyes – and when she convinces the other Sides to listen to her, then their eyes start to glow, too…)

I ended up going much deeper in this little exercise than I expected to. Overall, it was a lot of fun! I don’t plan on making a web series about my Sides, but who knows? Maybe I’ll write a fic about them someday.

How about you? Are you a fan of Sanders Sides? Have you ever thought about what Sides make up your personality? If not, take a moment and try it out, and let me know who you discover – I’d love to hear about them!