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forsakenoathkeeper · 4 years

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I Am Alive (chapter 8/?)

Deviant!Connor[RK800] x (fem!)Reader Rated M(18+) for canon-typical violence and gore, medical procedures, and graphic sexual content

Please support me on AO3 & thanks for reading ♥

"Looks like we're gonna have to bring the plastic detective," Gavin said sourly, removing his phone from his ear.

Connor had been looking through hours and hours of security camera footage all morning. Somehow, he still managed to hear Gavin insult him from across the room.

Seeing as he didn't need to sleep, Connor was one of the first detectives to arrive in the morning, almost every morning. Detective Reed rarely failed to come in shortly after him. Judging by the dark lines in the skin beneath his eyes and redness in his sclera, Connor assumed he suffered from insomnia.

"Just sittin' there, doin' nothing?" Gavin asked, suddenly standing by Connor's desk. He crossed his arms, looking down at the android with contempt.

Connor had been staring at a blank computer screen, finding it much faster and easier to just use his internal interface than the computer. He also operated at much faster speeds than desktops.

He was aware of how comical it appeared, sitting there and looking at nothing; but, most were aware of his internal processes and didn't bother him about the strangeness of his behavior.

Connor had found footage of Robert pulling himself out of the harbor, the time stamp suggesting it was a few hours after their encounter. He had not managed to catch any more footage of him since. He also was on the lookout for the assailants that had attacked androids at the protests yesterday. Unsurprisingly, they were also laying low.

It was a massive city and there was a lot of ground to cover.

"I am going through security camera footage," Connor answered plainly, looking up at Gavin from his seat.

"Ahuh," Gavin replied, clearly not giving a damn. "Got a crime scene with a dead android. Heading over now. Don't fucking keep me waiting."

Connor didn't bother asking for any info, knowing full well he wouldn't get any. As Gavin walked away, Connor checked the case logs in the police database. Luckily, it was already there. The first responding officers had documented it fairly well.

Twenty-one minutes ago, officers responded to a 911 call that an armed assailant had broken into a small manufacturing plant on the north side of the city. The facility created specialized computer chips. They were most commonly used for android motherboards; however, they were also used in some security monitoring systems.

At a quick glance, Connor could see all the victims were androids. They were employees for the morning shift. When he searched the company's records, he could see they had hired the androids as proper employees a few months ago.

One android was dead and three others had been injured. There was one human involved, another employee and a witness, unharmed.

An important report was missing. Despite the fact that three androids had been attacked, no emergency medical services had been called to the scene. Unfortunately, it wasn't entirely surprising. There weren't clear medical services for androids. Not yet.

The clinic you worked at was outsourced from one of the big contributors to Cyberlife's stocks. It was, essentially, the company's way of carefully moving their funds from Cyberlife production to healthcare for androids. Eventually, it was going to start paying for itself, and it served as a great way to protect their public image.

The police needed medical services to document the case, sure; but, Connor was also bothered by the injustice here. Fowler wasn't in yet to approve of his idea. So, the android decided to make the call himself.

...

Connor was already gone by the time you woke up.

Funny enough, he still managed to wake you up.

You hummed groggily into the phone, not bothering to check who it was before answering.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think you would still be asleep," Connor's voice said politely on the other end.

You yawned into the phone. "Hm? Oh, Connor... You beat my alarm by, like, five minutes. Don't worry about it," you replied hoarsely, rolling onto your other side.

"There's been an incident," Connor began, suddenly sounding quite serious. His tone was enough to wake you up.

"Some androids were injured; but, no paramedics were called for... obvious reasons." Connor didn't sound mad, bless his heart. But, you could sense some frustration. "Would you mind accompanying me on this? I must warn you, it will lead to involvement in this case: paperwork, and likely testimonies."

"Yeah, of course, Connor," you said into the phone, rolling back over to swing your legs over the edge of the bed. "Text me the address?"

"Will do. I haven't arrived yet. I'll meet you there. I'm sorry, there's no food. I haven't had the time to go to the store for-..."

Connor trailed off when he heard you laughing quietly in the background.

"I'm sorry. I was just imagining you at the grocery store," you chuckled. While you didn't mean to laugh, it was hard not to. The image you conjured in your mind was Connor looking very out of place in a grocery store. He probably would only bring home raw vegetables and bottled water.

"I know what dietary needs humans have," Connor replied, almost defensive.

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of," you laughed softly. "Don't worry about it. I can just pick something up along the way."

"I hadn't considered, before I asked, if this unexpected time off would be approved by your employer?" Connor asked.

"Oh, they'll have a field day with this one. No IMS called to an assault. I should be asking you if YOU are gonna get in trouble."

"We need medical reports for the case; so, it isn't entirely in my own self-interest," Connor answered in his usual, calm tone. He sounded robotic at times; but, you had grown to recognize that as his own nature. He was a dedicated detective after all. In your privacy, he wore his heart on his sleeve. But, right now, he was on the force. It was all business.

"Alright. Meet ya' there-" You stole a glance at your messages and noticed the address. "Geez, north side of town? Oh - that's a factory, isn't it?"

"AlphaBio," Connor answered simply.

Naturally, you recognized that name, having a small stash of their chips at the clinic.

"You don't think it's related to the protests?" you asked. It was less of a question and more of a suggestion.

"It is... likely," Connor replied, sounding a little hesitant to answer you.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised... I'm'a let you go so I can get changed."

"I will see you soon - oh - and, good morning," Connor said warmly. You could practically hear the smile on his face.

You giggled, "good morning, Connor. See you soon," before hanging up.

...

Connor had failed to mention it was the crime scene for a homicide. Although, he was, specifically, a homicide detective; so, it really shouldn't have surprised you.

The first responders had separated the three damaged androids from the body and sanctioned off that part of the crime scene to everyone but the detectives.

You had been there for almost an hour and had yet to see Connor.

Two of the androids were AP700 models. They were almost exact twins, except one had blue eyes and the other had brown eyes. The third android was a BL100 model. She had her factory issued hair swapped with something short, boyish, and ebony black.

All of them had suffered defensive wounds. The detectives made it very clear you weren't to be given any insight to their testimonies. It was understandable. They wanted to verify that your findings matched their statements without preconceived notions.

Luckily, most of their wounds were superficial. The worse injury of the batch was one of the AP700's had severe nerve damage on his inner, right elbow, cutting off movement to his forearm and fingers. It was an easy fix, and he seemed grateful.

The BL100 was hesitant to let you touch her, not that you were the least bit offended or surprised. You knew what she was designed for, and she knew that you knew. It was only after she saw you handle the other two androids with respect that she felt comfortable enough to let you help her.

As you treated their damages, you documented them with a tablet one of the officers had given you. It was a little difficult, considering their documentation was designed for humans. Somehow, you managed to make it work.

You had been there for a little over two hours before you finally saw Connor. He had actually caught you off guard. You were seated at a small, fold out desk, tapping away on the DPD tablet when you saw someone suddenly approach in the corner of your eye. They set a water bottle at the edge of the desk.

Your eyes shifted to his torso first. Oh. He was wearing his nice coat today, and a matching, black tie.

"Thank you," you uttered, a small smile forming on your lips. You didn't maneuver too far from the tablet, going over your work carefully to make sure everything was properly notated. Considering it was documentation for human wounds, you had to put extra care into it.

"Hey, Robocop!" Detective Reed called out suddenly, before the android could say anything to you.

Connor knew he was talking about him, and wanted to ignore him; but, they were at a crime scene and this was important. He couldn't ignore him right now.

He shifted his eyes from you and over to the other detective. You froze up at the word 'Robocop', somehow doubting it was intended to be a word of endearment.

When Gavin saw that Connor was looking, he continued. "This computer is having issues. I figured it was your cousin or something. So, you should be able to fix it, yeah?"

All at once, blood rushed to your face and rage started to rise in you like smoke in a chimney.

Everyone in the room heard Gavin's remark: Hank, on the other side of the room, going over the case details with the first responding officers, another detective who had been dusting for prints along every entryway, a total of four police officers, and the CSI operator sitting at the desk next to Gavin.

If Connor was annoyed, he was doing a damn good job of hiding it.

The android approached the detective. "Androids are far more complicated than desktop computers," he said calmly, keeping his eyes focused on Gavin. He wasn't just calm: he was polite. "I won't be of much help, I'm afraid."

The person seated in front of the computer, a member of their computer division, looked uncomfortable enough to commit seppuku right then and there.

"Do the hand thing," Gavin suggested, lifting his hand for a moment and waving it like he was talking to a child. "You know - probe it."

"I can only probe androids," Connor answered, plainly, as if unbothered by the ridiculousness of it all.

"It's fine. I can recover the data-" the crime scene investigator tried to mediate. It was clear that Gavin wasn't listening to him.

"Ohhh - right - right," Gavin replied, drawing out his words in mock understanding. "Poor girlfriend," he added on with a chuckle.

Did he just suggest-...?

Something in you snapped. You carefully set down the tablet, pushed your chair back, and marched over to the detective.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" you called out to the detective, not caring if everyone in this god-damned room was watching.

The smug bastard turned around, eyeing you. You stepped right up to him, fearless, fire in your eyes. You could tell Connor was looking at you; but, most of your vision was being taken in by this asshole, leaving you unable to make out Connor's expression.

"Ugh - shit," Hank muttered to himself. He approached, deciding to intervene before things got ugly.

"A real cop," Gavin sneered at you. "-and you are here as a formality. Don't push your luck."

"Connor is a real cop," you practically snarled at the guy. "He deserves just as much respect as anyone else."

"That's enough," Hank said lowly, directed at both you and the detective.

The lieutenant looked around, eyes briefly scanning everyone in the room. "This isn't a high school locker room. Get back to work," he hollered. He was loud and commanding. His words didn't fall on deaf ears.

Except, you and Detective Reed were still locked in a death glare.

You wanted to punch him. You hadn't felt the desire to do that since college, when you had to share crowded hallways with smug assholes who thought they owned the world.

Somehow, you had a feeling, the detective could sense that.

"Unless you wanna get arrested for assaulting a police officer, honey, I suggest you back down," he threatened, craning his neck a little to get closer to you.

The android felt his internal temperature rise at the word 'honey'. He didn't care if Gavin called him 'plastic detective', 'robocop', or whatever else came to mind. But, that, directed at you, specifically, bothered him.

Connor could see how tense you were, staring Gavin down with the kind of burning rage he had seen in you once before, directed at himself when he attempted to prevent you from salvaging supplies from a truck in the middle of a firefighter.

He wasn't sure if you would actually hit Detective Reed; but, he couldn't take that chance. There was a high probability that Detective Reed would go through with his threat. You didn't have a criminal record, and Connor didn't want you to end up with one, especially because of him.

The android moved in and slid his arm around your waist. He pulled you into him and away from Gavin, turning his back to the detective. With his legs moving, you had no choice but to shuffle your own feet to keep up with him, practically being dragged away. You flailed awkwardly, but Connor kept you up.

"Don't," Connor requested. You glared at the detective over Connor's shoulder.

Gavin seemed pleased with that. "I would listen to your vibrator, sweetheart," he called out to you smugly, starting to step away. "Might do ya' some good!"

"You don't fucking know when to quit," Hank snarled, his hand roughly falling onto Gavin's shoulder, giving him a push away from you.

"Take your own advice, fuckhead!" you almost shouted over Connor's shoulder. "Maybe if you got laid every once in a while, you wouldn't be such a piece of s-"

"Please don't," Connor interrupted you, stepping in the way so that he took up most of your field of view.

"Connor, don't you fucking-" you hissed at him.

"He's not worth it," Connor warned, eyes narrowing slightly at you. Well, that was new. He actually looked a little angry with you.

"Like fuck he isn't. That bastard deserves to be punched in his stupid bitch-ass fa-"

"I don't want you to get in trouble," he insisted, shaking you a little.

You clenched your jaw, glaring at the android's stupid, handsome face. That bastard disrespected him. You had no doubt that it wasn't the first time, and it sure as hell wouldn't be the last.

"I like when you get angry," Connor commented with a small grin. He didn't say it, but you couldn't hear it being followed with, 'cute'. He seemed enamored in that moment, and he was, captivated by how passionate you were in his defense, even if it didn't exactly make sense to him.

"...maybe I should punch you instead," you grumbled, trying not to be completely smitten with him.

Connor removed his arm from your waist and stepped back a little, giving you space. You let go of his shoulders and fixed your scrub top, which had been bunched up a little after he grabbed you.

"Well-" you stammered, feeling a little flustered. You couldn't help it. You liked it when he was like this. Connor wanted to be protective, but he also wanted to give you freedom, and it clashed so beautifully in him.

"Y-yeah, well, he fucking had it coming and - and you should'a just let me-..." You sighed heavily. Of course he shouldn't have just let you do whatever.

But, still-

-you were frustrated.

"-you're in the doghouse, mister," you proclaimed quietly, sounding barely serious at all, and poked a finger into Connor's shoulder.

The android stared at you, perplexed.

The dog... house?

As you stepped away and returned to the desk, Connor searched the internet for the meaning of that. From his findings: it seemed to be a word primarily used between couples and meant that someone was in trouble for angering the other, and held the connotation that the one in said 'doghouse' would not be bedding with the one they had angered.

Connor fixed his tie in place of his pride.

He couldn't say he didn't understand why you would be upset with him. What he had done to you was degrading, wasn't it? He had manhandled you, in front of everyone.

He despised Detective Reed, if he was being perfectly honest. It was something he had struggled with; but, it was inevitable that he would meet people whom he simply could never get along with.

He could make sense of being disliked for being an android; he had heard many, many reasons ranging from past traumas to selfish insecurities. But, Detective Reed sought out ways to degrade him whenever the moment convenienced him.

It didn't exactly help that Connor had left him passed out in the evidence room some odd months ago. That likely left a huge dent in his ego. Of course, Connor didn't bring it up because he didn't care.

Connor had yet to hear the detective actually call him by his name. If he was being perfectly honest, 'robocop' was somehow the most flattering of the bunch.

Detective Reed seemed to enjoy relating him to every piece of computer equipment in the office. Connor knew this was to remind him that he wasn't human: he was a machine, a computer wrapped in plastic.

-and, he enjoyed emasculating Connor.

The android didn't care of the extent of Detective Reed's knowledge of his genitalia or whether or not he was capable of pleasing you sexually; but, you cared?

Maybe, while he was in the 'doghouse', he could try to make sense of it.

...

"It's almost midnight. What the hell are you still doing here, Connor?" Hank barked at him.

Connor looked up at his desk, uttering, "I could ask you the same thing, detective..."

Hank was holding his coffee mug in one hand, a folder in the other. He laughed, mumbling, "smartass", as he sat back down at his desk.

The android sighed out your name, "-said I'm in the 'doghouse'. I assumed that meant she wanted space."

Hank let out a bellowing laugh that almost startled the android. He nearly split his coffee, too. After Hank calmed his laughter and looked at him again, and caught that childish frown on Connor's face, he started laughing again.

"Trust me, son-" Hank coughed, still trying to calm his laughter. "She doesn't want space. She wants you to go home and apologize."

Connor looked at Hank like he was analyzing. He hadn't looked at Hank like that in a long time.

"I see..." he uttered, sounding quite embarrassed.

"It's about the thing Gavin said, huh?" Hank added on. "You not having a huge ego is good for you and all, but - of course she was gonna defend you because well - you know."

Hank waved his hand at Connor, not explicitly wanting to say what he was thinking.

"But," Hank continued, "you did the right thing: stopping her before she did something stupid. She knows that, which is why ya' need'ta go home and apologize anyway. Women are... like that."

Hank paused and took a sip of his coffee, hissing in response to how hot it was; however, that didn't stop him from immediately going in for another drink.

The android pondered over the lieutenant's words quickly.

"Thanks, Hank," Connor said, hastily removing himself from his desk. It was the first time he left the office without tucking his chair back in.

#connor x reader #deviant connor #deviant connor x reader #dbh fanfic #rk800 x reader #rk800 smut #connor smut

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thisissirius · 3 years

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I always get worried when my fics don't get many kudos or comments but you always seem okay with it. Is there a way to stop worrying? This fandom never seems to like my fics

i absolutely understand this mentality.

some of my fics don’t get a lot of kudos or comments. i have said this before and i will keep saying it to everyone who asks, because i want you to know: it’s okay that they don’t. if you’re happy with the way the fic comes out, if you LOVE what you’re writing? then you’re doing okay! if you’re writing for someone and they love it? then you’re doing okay.

picture it like this: if your fic gets 50 kudos? imagine 50 people standing in a room talking about your fic because they love it.

if your fic gets 100 kudos? that’s 100 people standing in a room.

sure, it would be nice if a thousand people were standing in that room, but if i can reach just a few of those people? that’s great!

now if you mean 911 by “this fandom” (which i assume you do because it’s my main fandom atm) then there are a couple of reasons this might be, but the main one i have found as an eddie writer (don’t come at me) is that i don’t centre my fics on buck most of the time, so the kudos and comments don’t match the fics that do centre on buck. (with the exception of lest he begins my eddie begins eddie centred fic) and the rest are just because i’m a good writer. (this isn’t me being egotistical, do you know how long it’s taken me to accept this, lol?)

if you look at my most “popular” fics by kudos count (because most kudos doesn’t mean most popular***) they’re ones that are related to or focused more on buck, or buckandsomeone.

this fandom has a heavy skewing towards buck and that’s okay! if that’s what you get out of this fandom, i am not policing you! you should always focus on your fave if that’s where your happy place is, but on the flipside, you also shouldn’t be surprised if your focus is on anyone not buck, that you might not get as much attention or kudos etc.

then again, sometimes you might not be writing the fics people want to see. you might need some extra help with betaing. you might be writing characters the way they aren’t really seen by the wider fandom. you might be writing in areas that just don’t mesh with what people want.

get yourself a crowd, anon. i have an eddie crowd that i love and hang out with and while we ALL ship buck/eddie and love buck, there’s such a deficit of eddie-focused shit that we’re trying to fill it. i also have a we-just-love-911-crowd who are a mix of everything, including firefam, and i love both spaces, but i expect and get different things out of each group.

if you are writing things this fandom seems to love a lot (some of which i always sideeye because where do they come from lol) then it could be that you’re just not writing it the way they want and yes, those things are incredibly different.

the top kudos fic in this fandom might be good, they’re probably amazing, but some of the summaries just don’t jive with me and some of them i’m like “where did this even come from”. which is fine. they’re just not for me. perhaps that’s why nobody’s reading your fics. maybe they just don’t want to read about whatever it is you’re writing, or maybe they just don’t like your style of writing.

sometimes, people just don’t read your fics, and that’s okay!

you know why it’s okay?

because i love writing. i don’t write for the masses, i write for one person: myself. sometimes i write for someone else if i get a prompt or someone just wants to talk about things with me ( @antismiles i’m looking at you) otherwise, it’s just me. i’m the only person i have to please.

the other however many kudos are obviously appreciated and loved and every single one gives me a happy feeling i can live on all day, but they’re not necessary for my continued enjoyment of this fandom.

write what you love and for who you love, anon, and you’ll find it just as easy to accept that your fics might never be popular :)

(*** i say this because i get messages and asks the most about my eddie begins eddie-centric fic and yet that doesn’t have as many kudos/comments as some of my buck-centric ones.)

#siri speaks #this is long winded as fuck #but i stand by everything i said #bye #siri writes things #Anonymous

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cinematicnomad · 3 years

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I really like your answer to your last anon, because i *feel* that. I guess i’m a bit more hopeful, but i try really hard not to get too invested.

“(...)if they stay as platonic best friends who continue to maintain the same commitment to each other” -> now that’s the deciding factor , right? Because yes, if that is how it plays out, i’m all for it. Bit disappointed maybe, but all for it. I just fear that, with mainstream media’s tendency to focus more heavily on romantic relationships, they will neglect that friendship in favour of a potential love story. 911 tends to do a lot better than comparable shows in that aspect, but who knows.

I just have absolutely no interest in watching any other, possibly undeveloped character taking Buck’s place (screentime) with Chris and Eddie or being portrayed as more important to them just because their relation to Eddie is romantic. In this context i’m actually quite interest in how you think the Ana/Eddie storyline will play out (bc that, imho, is the definition of how you *don’t* write a romance storyline)

glad to hear that my answer resonated with you (and maybe some others)! i definitely agree with you that if the show keeps them on the same platonic path, i want them to stay as dedicated to each other as they currently are. i’ll be happy with them as is so long as we continue to get scenes of them hanging out with chris, of the show confirming their reliance on each other, etc etc. like you, i’m not really interested in the show introducing a new recurring character who replaces buck or eddie in their scenes together.

personally, i’m not too bothered by ana. i feel like the show has made it pretty clear that they’re mostly interested in telling a story of eddie dating generally, and not eddie dating ana specifically, if that makes sense? like i think it’s worth noting how they’ve done nothing to try and integrate ana into the show at large, she hasn’t met any of the other characters except for carla and chris, so she’s just kind of isolated in this plot of eddie dating her. if they were interested in making her a permanent part of the show it would have made more sense to re-introduce her in 4x06 by having hen or chimney be the one to treat her and then have eddie walk by and have it be a group conversation where everyone ends up involved. but they kepti it limited to just her and eddie and she still hasn’t met anyone from the 118 so it’s like, how invested are they in really keeping her around? by comparison, taylor already knows all of the 118 and in her return episode we saw her interacting with albert and veronica along with buck.

i think it seems pretty clear that the writers have a certain story they want to tell and they’re trying to hit specific beats. they’re rushing the execution bc they’re more preoccupied with hitting these predetermined beats instead of making sure they have a solid foundation of chemistry. like, the specific story points i feel like they’ve wanted/needed to hit so far includes: bobby + eddie talking about shannon/moving on, eddie + first date with someone, chris + eddie conflict (followed by chris running away to buck), etc. and all of those are so much more central to eddie, with his romantic partner acting tangentially at best so the writers haven’t developed her as much bc she’s not the focus. going forward i wouldn’t be surprised if they have an idea for a break up that’s central to eddie + chris (mabye buck) and that’s why they re-introduced chris and ana so soon.

i just think ana hasn’t been given any depth to be a serious contender for Actual Love Interest. all we know about her so far is that she’s a former teacher turned vice principal with a shiny new PhD and a grandfather with the same name as eddie. she hasn’t been allowed to hold or expression opinions that eddie can engage with (other than when she voiced her thoughts on chris + skateboarding, and the show pretty firmly landed on buck’s side in that case).

the reason why i’m pretty solidly convinced that it’s not a serious relationship to be worried about is bc we have literally no idea why eddie is being introcued into ana’s story. right? like, if you were looking at the arc from her POV, what are her motivations for reconnecting with eddie? what’s driving her attraction? we don’t know anything about ana or how eddie fits into her life, only how she fits into this story of eddie dating. she could be any woman bc the story beats care about how eddie is handling these changes alone, not how they’re doing so together.

like, for comparisons sake, taylor was re-introduced in 4x08 and the episode made it clear that taylor is struggling bc of COVID and she desperately needs a friend. so for taylor, buck shows up right when she needs someone to lean on and then he lets her down by trying to use her for the awkward double date. then he has to make it up to her bc she’s afforded these emotions and this storyline. in 4x08, ana is more on par with veronica—we don’t know much about her background and she’s not given any depth, she’s just present to drive the plot along.

(i also think it’s really telling that in the episode about eddie dating ana and telling chris about it, the episode shows eddie leaving chris in buck’s care and shows chris running to buck for emotional support so like .... WHATEVER, sometimes i clown)

this got away from me but BASICALLY i think the ana/eddie storyline will play out with them breaking up at some point in s4b.

#ask #anonymous #i rehashed a lot of points here that i've made to some other people before #but i don't think i've shared any of these thoughts on tumblr before #so tada #here are my rambles #Anonymous

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himbo-buckley · 4 years

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Sex, Intimacy and Buddie (better known as I have a lot of feelings about this show, some of which are related to the before mentioned topics) - Part 5

Hej alla,

hur cool att du är här! Vad kul!

(Kay, that’s it, all the Swedish I remember from two semesters of not really studying, so it’s probably also wrong, uups?)

(Still passed though.)

You guys! We made it! And please, do not imagine this read to you in a happy voice. I am sobbing. I already miss it!

(Also, if you do imagine how I might sound please consider due to several unforseeable circumstances of student exchanges in my youth I have a very weird mixture of British and American English, which basically translates to sounding like either of those doing a bad impression of the other accent - or you know, Australian.)

I’m really having a hard time finishing this meta because I loved doing it so much and I loved talking to all of ya’ll so much. This is a sad moment. (HEY, what if ya’ll came and visited my askbox and I get to discuss random stuff with you!)

Just a fair warning now, somewhere hidden in the middle: this thing is fucking long! We are talking longer than Season 2, so be warned!

Anyways, in case someone is new:

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4

And some general info:

This meta was supposed to be a lot shorter and only talk about how both Buck and Eddie use sex to distract their respective partners from whatever topic they actually wanted to talk about but since I decided to rewatch the show to make sure I don’t miss any such scenes, it has exploded a bit and taken on more topics

I should also mention that I am a Buddie shipper and while I tried, you will find several references and arguments for the ship in this Meta, not all of which necessarily call for a romantic pairing but just: These two are deeply connected and you cannot look at one without discussing the other and they are each other’s strongest emotional connection.

I should also preface this by saying that the whole of the 118 has some obvious intimacy / commitment issues except Bobby (which is sort of surprising) but *John Mulaney voice* we don’t have time to unpack all of that!

On another note I cuss a little in this Meta because my parents let me listen to TicTacToe as a small child and after that it never stuck that cussing is wrong so, uhm, parental supervision is advised or something

This Meta has FIVE parts. Season 1 and 2 make up one part each, while Season 3, due to something pesky called feelings and the fact that I can’t shut up, has been split in three parts: Part 3 aka Season 3A, which spans 3.01 - 3.10, Part 4 which spans 3.11 - 3.17 and this part which is officially only one episode - but still manages to be just as long. Yay! (Sorry.)

And now for the last time for now: part 5 (also called „You’re a godless, half-witted himbo, Evan Buckley, and I wish I loved you less so I could talk about it more“)

Episode 3.18:

My oh my, this episode.

I loved it but I also … didn’t.

It was way too much and at times felt a little rushed and the pacing was just weird.

I mean I loved the party but did we really need 5 min of it? Did we really need Josh’s storyline and Michael’s so randomly in the middle of the episode? Could we have gotten a longer apology scene? Why the weird phone call?

Let’s talks about all of that! (It’s why you clicked read more, right?)

Ya’ll, I gotta be honest, I am from Europe and I regularly go to places via train and while it’s better than a bus, I can’t see anyone falling in love with that! I am just gonna assume Abby did not go by train in Germany. Or Austria. Or Italy. Listen, I like trains just fine but man, do they not look like what we see here!

But also, as someone who has watched Community, the train lady saying „This isn’t Subway“ in an Episode where the human embodiment of Subway acts is very very funny to me.

I feel like I don’t have to point out how significant the cut from Abby saying „They stopped waiting for me a long time ago“ to Buck and Eddie discussing Chris is. Everyone has talked about it by now. But yes, it registered, as did the fact that Abby is dating a single father - while Buck is apparently basically dating a single father. But, you know, that probably means nothing! *chugs a whole bottle of wine*

The co-parenting was very cute and honestly I feel for Christopher and Carla and the firefam is Buddie does happen because they will try to out-protect each other and it will be glorious and also Chris might never get to leave the nest ever. That poor boy.

Sidenote: We as a fandom have not talked enough about Eddie’s reaction to Bobby yodelling and I think that’s very tragic of us. Because his reaction is the best, all: „Is he - should I - no, you know what, fuck it, Eddie, ignore this, that’s too much, you can not unpack all of this, just move on. Brush it off!“

Just watch his face ya’ll, it’s great! (He will be talking to Frank about this, I know it.)

Sidenote: Also Eddie in 3.15 / 3.15. / 3.17 / 3.18 > any other Eddie, and no, I do not take criticism. That boy has always been fine but the military hair cut or what ever is doing things to me as do his happy eyes and the smiles - my god, the smiles!

It does seem significant though the way the show focused so heavily on Buck’s reaction and - as it had been the case since „Eddie Begins“ - we basically don’t see Eddie without Buck and that’s weird. That feels pointed and important, the fact that after realising, who his family is, Eddie basically never leaves Buck’s side if they are at work.

Also the way Chimney and Bobby look at each other in between, yeah, again, making fun of Christopher’s dads! Like, even if you don’t read this as Buddie, you cannot not read this scene as somewhat confirming the „Buck is Christopher’s other parent“-thing. And I know I answered an ask on Tuesday(?) where I said he wasn’t really but yeah, he is getting there. The whole season spent a lot of time focusing on Buck’s relationship with Christopher and even if it isn’t about Buddie, I still think it will cause trouble in Season 4 if Eddie begins dating again, specifically Chris’ teacher.

I also need to talk about Eddie and control, because like I said in part 4 Eddie needs to learn to let go of Christopher a little which is what we see here happening, specifically through the lens of making Buck even more overprotective than Eddie to really cement the fact in all our minds that Eddie is trying to let his son have some freedom. I am so proud of him, you guys! He just signed up for the worst two weeks of his life, he will be dying on the inside out of concern and Buck will pester him every two seconds about whether or not Chris is fine. This is why these three haven’t been to Disneyland, ya’ll! Eddie wouldn’t be able to handle it without murdering either Buck or himself. I’m sorry.

And speaking of how the episode is cut:

One thing I love about 911 is the way it always makes me consider new character pairings and connections I myself would have never thought of, in the context of this episode: Athena, Josh - and Eddie.

And look, the Athena and Josh thing is daunting enough but you can probably still catch my train of thought, because both are recent victims of assault and the episode shows them dealing with trauma and confronting their attacker, even though in Athena’s case it was just theoretical. But now you’re probably wondering, okay, why Eddie?

Well, for starters, what the episode made me realise, whether on purpose on not through cutting from scene to scene is how many similarities there are between Eddie and Athena, both of them always trying to be in control, both of them more prone to violence / more okay with violence than the others, both soft underneath, both with a tendency to let anger take over, both considered to be extremely capable, both with an intense need for control, both straight talker.

And now I will obviously not pretend that letting your child go to sleep away camp for two weeks is similar too confronting your assailant who beat you up, but still: facing fears and letting go of control vs. finding different ways to regain control is the theme for these three in the episode (or this Season in Eddie’s case) and I like it.

I really like what they did with Athena in general in this episode, because, while I don’t think we will see her as a civilian in Season 4, I am confident they will address her trauma and PTSD - especially if they only do a short time jump of say three months and not jump all the way to January / February which is when it might air if we’re lucky.

And I do think the comparison between her and Josh is very nicely done as both characters did the whole brushing it off / moving forward / I am not fazed by any of it thing, as we as viewers clearly saw what utter bullshit this was.

Which of course connects nicely to Mr. „Brush it off and move on“ who has spent a whole season learning to not just move on but to talk about it. A lesson he might have learned? At least that’s what the episode made me think, from the way he came to Buck / the firefam to talk about Christopher and camp to the way he so clearly tried to get Buck to open up about Abby. Jup, that is some motherforking growth right there!

I also wanna say hi to Brooke Shields and say I hope we see her again, cause her character seemed interesting!

And I do appreciate Athena herself addressing the fact that she messed up a little by not calling for back-up right away. This is not meant in a victim blaming way, I just think Athena is very used to handling everything on her own and not asking for help and it is interesting to see how that changes, now that it has backfired on her once.

And now we are getting into the Abby of it all and if anyone reading this is anti Buddie or severely pro Abby this is the moment to either leave or scroll down some more, because ya’ll I won’t really hold back!

(I think.)

I wanna begin by saying, uhm, Abigail, honey? Can you not read what is written on Eddie’s and everyone else’s helmets? Yes, he is from the 118, it literally says so on like every article of clothing he is wearing, omg!

(Writers, do better, that made an already unlikeable character seem downright stupid.)

Now it is very interesting, that the first person we see Abby interact with directly from the main cast (I’m counting the phone call with Maddie as indirectly) is Eddie who doesn’t know who Abby is but who is close enough to Buck to know the second he sees her who she is. The episode spends just as much time focusing on his reaction to Abby as 3.15 did on Buck’s reaction and tbh that feels … fairly non platonic. Of course we can always go back to „Stuck“ and remember what Hen said about Tatiana but still. That was one scene, here we have several scenes highlighting Eddie’s reaction to Abby and just, what do you want me to do with this, Tim?

I mean, the meeting scene literally goes like this:

Eddie *talking to Abby* > cut to Buck, coming closer > Buck: „Abby?“ > cut to both Abby and *Eddie* > Abby: „Buck?“ while the camera is still on her and Eddie > cut to just Eddie’s face having a realisation > cut to Buck

That is some very extreme focus if we’re being honest.

Also her panic reminds everyone of Buck in 3.15, right? The way she is screaming, disregarding her own safety, all desperate to get to her fiancé. Yeah.

I like how Eddie lets them talk and then steps in when he realises Buck is too shocked and only then rushes off, nearly touching Buck. Too be honest I didn’t realise his hand didn’t make contact until I saw some gifs of the scene.

Also the way Oliver plays this scene? The whole scene is so painful and I love it a lot, his whole delivery is so very painful, from the way he says „We’ll find him.“ to the „Um, what’s his name?“ to the „No. Oh. Don’t worry about it.“ because you can actually see him go through all the emotions from devastation to being so very pissed off and then locking that shit down!

Listen, I know it was teased that Buck had to grapple between being a professional and his personal feelings and I think this episode is him being a professional, because this is Buck and Buck cares so for Buck being a professional means risking his life for some guy on the train, regardless of his promise and who he is engaged to.

Sidenote: This episode really brought home why Eddie is a firefighter and not a paramedic, because his bedside manner is shit. „This is gonna hurt a little“. Way to downplay, dude!

Also, while I do love the idea of Buck getting to be Captain one day, I think this episode shows why he won’t be. Because even when he is being professional and having great ideas Buck still cares too much and is unable to make the hard decisions. Compare it to Eddie, who, yes, does say „If we have to choose“, but also is willing to make the choice. Because sometimes you have to. (And now I’m crying a little and oh my, this is why I do not work in any job that has me make such decisions because I could not imagine living with myself if I did.)

I do think however Buck did good, from the way he talked to Sam being his usual self and all.

I’m also such a fan of smart Buck and him standing up for himself with Bobby because he doesn’t get to do this often enough and because it is important for him as a character to learn to trust his own judgement and not depend so much on Bobby’s approval. So yay, my baby is growing up!

(Also, obviously Bobby’s worry was also about Buck and not just Athena, we’ve had half a season of Bobby doing the most to „protect“ Buck, mostly against his will, so I really like that Buck got to do the rescue his way in the end, because it shows growth on both sides.)

Now, Eddie and his dramatic reaction in this scene, first of all:

I wanna take a moment to remember the fact that Edmundo Diaz, my main man, my love, my absolute ray of grey sunshine, apparently lacks any kind of self-awareness - or he would stop acting all high and mighty around Buck because the second Buck is out of view he like, drops any pre-tense of having critical thinking skills or something akin to self-preservation and does the next thing that enters his bird brain no matter the consequences. So a moment of silence for Hen, Chimney and Bobby and all they had to go through in the 6/7 months between Buck getting crushed by a ladder truck and coming back to work, because Buck? They can at least make fun of. Or tell him: yo, bro, you being stupid!

You can’t do that with Eddie - because when Eddie does stupid he gone nearly die but like in a heroic way where he still ends up saving himself and you have to be impressed. Urgh, the nerve!

So, you know what, how about, Mr. Edmundo Diaz, you do not judge Buck for wanting to save people and risk his own life UNTIL WE HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU CUTTING THAT MOTHERFORKING ROPE? Got me? Thanks. (I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed, dude.)

(But then again EVERY MOTHERFORKING CHARACTER ON THIS DAMN SHOW SUFFERS FROM CRAZY STUPID DISEASE and no, I do not take any criticism.)

Also I loved Eddie’s dialog and how clearly the whole thing about the promise slipped out if the way his hands closed are anything to go by (or was he imagining punching some sense either into himself or Buck because in both cases: Call Frank, Eddie!). Anyway the way he just left, like, „I can not deal with ya’ll’s stupidity, I am leaving!“ has me shook! That is the top tear entertainment I expect from my favourite show and I love them for it!

I do love how both Buck and Eddie are in protector mode in this episode, Buck with Sam and Abby and Eddie with Buck, especially because if we’re being honest, which we are (this is a safe space ya’ll), Eddie is the one being far more unprofessional! For his standards, of course.

But this is the closest Eddie has come to showing some form of violence since 3a viewed chronologically (because 3.15 happened mostly in the past) yet Buck is just being is usual too caring self. It’s telling and it’s interesting and I’m just gonna say one thing:

„No one is good when it’s personal.“ - because for Buck with Sam it isn’t really personal (though that won’t hit him until later) but for Eddie it kinda is because he is worried about Buck. (And now I did spell it out! But, oh well, I did say we were gonna do some Buddie right around here!)

Sidenote: what exactly was the meaning / reason of that phone call between Abby and her stepdaughter? We already knew Sam had children and from the was she was looking outside they could have had her just see Buck and step out of the tent to watch the rescue, so why do it this way I ask? Why this incredibly unnecessary phone call that felt so very awkward?

Also I am not gonna talk about that scene right now, because I get mad every single time!

So I will just leave a link to what I’ve said about this scene so far here *and* give you the notes I took on this scene:

ALWAYS READY TO DIE

godless heathen of a man he makes me so angry i hate him i hate this show I wanna leave

EVAN BUCKLEY LOOKS GOD IN THE EYES AND SAYS NAH BRO NOT TODAY

(It’s not like his suicidal tendencies are relevant to this meta anyways because like I said a few paragraphs ago: The whole firefam has them! )

Also, for the first time ever: here is a picture I took while watching the show because what are these two extras doing? Why are they touching like that? Who are they and will we see them again? Does my brain get easily distracted by completely unrelated things?

Anyways, the way Buck answers Sam „She’s down there waiting for you.“ when he asks for Abby and his „Good to meet you Sam.“ really brings home how none of his behaviour was about Abby and all about Buck being Buck. (And now I am angry at him again, urgh, THE NERVE! Selfless fucking himbo!)

I really liked that Sam knew who Buck was and that they got to have this little interaction where he probably reevaluated the whole night because that boy just risked his life for him, the guy marrying his ex-girlfriend, and has spent the whole night being so very nice to him and talking to him. Not gonna lie, Buck is a good guy through and through and Sam probably feels like shit now.

Also Eddie coming to stand in front of Buck - I know some people think it was out of protectiveness, which got me thinking:

Tbh at first I was convinced it was a camera angle thing? Because if Eddie stood behind Buck we wouldn’t really see him. Then I thought, so why choose this angle to film it? Obviously the set had to be built a certain way so was there no other way to do it? Also why was it even important, that we saw Eddie arrive like that, couldn’t they have just changed the angle after Abby was gone to get Eddie in the frame? Why was it important that we knew that Eddie was there and 1) was putting himself physically between Abby and Buck meaning 2) that when Abby leaves with her single father, Buck is left with his single father? Why does an episode that is supposed to give Buck closure focus so much on the reactions of his non romantic partner?

(Because tbh, even if they needed to find ways to use Ryan Guzman in this Episode without adding too many scenes, they could have done it with less focus on Abby. I say this as a Buddie shipper who does recognise how important the connection Buck and Eddie have as friends is: storyline wise Bobby would have made more sense in most of these scenes and Eddie could have been used in a different way.)

I’ll leave this scene with the very nice visual of Buck running back to the traincrash and Eddie following him. These two. Like magnets.

And a quick topic change, because I do wanna talk about Michael and Doctor Hale as well in this meta, one because I found them very cute and two because I’ve now talked to a few people about Ana and Eddie and while we by now know she will probably be in Season 4, I feel like we need to compare Michael and Doctor Hale vs Eddie and Ana. Because there is such a difference in the way these love interests where introduced.

Now, of course we need to realise that Eddie and Michael are fairly different characters and Michael has way less relationship related baggage than Eddie has which is why he goes after what he wants way faster (also, carpe diem, he just found out he won’t die). Also of course, there is no moral component to address in Michael dating some doctor vs. Eddie dating his son’s teacher, but still:

Michael and Dr. Hale had one scene together and it wasn’t even overly flirty and yet, we knew where it was heading, we felt the chemistry and everyone ended the episode saying: I ship it, more of that - which they did give us, just *one* episode later. They had some awkward moments, yet the show never left a single doubt in your mind where this is heading.

Now look at Eddie and Ana:

Sidenote: I do wanna say be kind to the character and no hate, especially not to the actress! Yes, she needs to be flashed out more; no, what we saw so far does not make me ship them; no, I do not mind if they dated a little.

First of all we learned more about Doctor Hale in the two short scenes than we did about Ana in four scenes. That seems deliberate.

Second, while we do realise Eddie thinks Ana is attractive from the get go she repeatedly shuts him down by pointedly saying „Mr. Diaz“.

Third, every scene between them - and I mean every single scene - is connected to Buck in some way:

In „Fools“ we cut from Buck saying he likes being single to Eddie doing parent-teacher conference and yes, meeting some other teachers first but also Ana, showing us that while Buck is fine with being single - Eddie might not be. Also, Carla’s „blue eyes“ line which is a little clown-y, so take it with a grain of salt that it could connect us to Buck

Then of course her next scene is Eddie getting in her face about Christopher being hurt. Later in the episode we see Buck reference this on a call, meaning either Carla or Eddie told Buck about it (I am leaning a little toward Carla making fun of Eddie in front of Buck and Eddie then having to come clean about all of it, because I cannot wrap my head about the idea of Eddie telling Buck about having a crush, I’m sorry.)

Her next scene is Eddie coming to apologise to her and she gives her speech about limitations - which we can of course connect to Buck and Eddie talking about Christopher and his limitations before that and then afterwards going skateboarding with them. (It does feel a little deliberate.)

And then of course we have „Eddie Begins“ and you guys, they could have very very easily have either Carla or Buck make a joke about Mrs. Flores and Eddie’s crush in the firehouse scene, but they didn’t! And then we do get to see her at the end where she has one whole line and Eddie barely looks at her and you know what happens? They have a child ask the same question Buck asked at the beginning, making us think of Buck. Like, it would have been enough to establish Eddie doesn’t feel like a hero if the question was asked only once - twice in the span of 45 minutes constitutes a callback, meaning we are supposed to think of the other scene and that means thinking about the other person that asked, which was Buck

And yes, once Season 4 premieres and we get Eddie and Ana in this epic romance because Tim Minear wants to be the next Rick Berman, I will go back to this meta and beat my own ass. Or something.

(Listen, her returning in Season 4 does not mean endgame or the end of Buddie, it just means Eddie might get a love interest. Tbh I actually think it could get us closer to Buddie and you know what, I’m just gonna link all my Ana Flores posts here here and here now so you can read all the other stuff I, alongside some other people, said on this topic, if you’re interested because none of this has a point right now.)

Now, let’s get into the meat of things and talk about *that* scene:

Was it a good apology? No.

Did Buck deserve better? Fuck yes.

Did he get closure? Yes.

Is the way that scene was done actually perfect? I mean, ya’ll, yes? A little?

Listen, this scene was always about closure and that’s what Buck got here and that’s what Buck needed.

Buck, who in Season 1 had described Abby as the perfect woman, needed it to go down like this so he could realise she wasn’t and he could finally let her go. And that’s what it was about!

Obviously looking at Abby’s character this episode does not make her look good, like not at all and I’d be very surprised if we ever saw her again. But looking at it from Buck’s point of view it was exactly what he needed. (Not what he deserved, but yeah, if this show was about what Buck deserved it would be a whole lot different and Buddie would be canon by now.)

One thing I really loved about the scene was the way it was filmed, with LA in front of us, Abby and Buck with their backs to the camera and us only ever seeing them in profile, because it was a private moment and this sort of made you feel like you were intruding. Like you were listening in on a conversation and I liked that a lot.

Also I think her speech about losing herself through helping people is very interesting because it contrasts her to Buck. Buck found himself in helping others and lost himself when he was no longer allowed to do that and I think that is what she means when she says she would have lost herself with him again. Because Buck is selfless and he is so selfless he inspires others to be the same, except Abby isn’t but being with Buck she would need to be and that is a problem.

Look, if you’ve followed this blog at all or maybe just read part one of the meta you have probably guessed by now that I don’t like Abby. I found her character boring. I thought she overstepped all the time. I got so mad at her for the way she treated Buck in Season 1!

Because in 1.06 she *actually* complains about him being too thoughtful and scared of messing up while calling him a *toy boy*. The truth is, after 1.05 and their first meeting, Abby no longer takes him seriously. She hardly ever takes his feelings into consideration. The relationship, from Valentines Day onward becomes all about what she wants and what she needs and our Buck is the selfless idiot who gives her his all.

I mean, she never even talked to Buck about wanting to leave, just presented him with her decision and then lived her life and never thought about him again.

And like, I think she is wrong if she thinks she’d have lost herself with him again, because Buck was what showed her that she lost herself in the first place. He helped her on the path of self-aquaintance (I guess? I’m lacking the word here), but she is right if she means the relationship wouldn’t have worked.

Because one of them would have lost themselves, though I do think it would have been Buck and not Abby. After all, Buck was the one who gave everything up from the get go and yes, Abby helped trigger him finding himself alongside Bobby and the job and she did help him stay on that path in the beginning - but in the end it was never about her at all. It was about him and him alone and the amazing person he had always been.

And I think that is what Buck realises in the scene. Despite Abby ghosting him, he still looked at her through rose coloured glasses and with fondness, but here, he realises, oh, Abby isn’t perfect. Abby isn’t like the woman I made her out to be. Abby never really cared about me. And as much as that probably hurt, this is what Buck needed to let go of her!

He needed to see that Abby wasn’t the perfect woman so he could let her go - and find himself the perfect person, someone who reciprocates and doesn’t just take. (Am I crying?)

(And look, I am not saying he already found someone like that, someone who proved in this episode how much they care about Buck and his feelings and making sure he comes home every night to his family - I’m saying he found someone who is working on being that person!)

Let’s talk about Eddie and Abby for a second, again, okay?

(Bro, how did I just get to that topic? So random! *laughs in Buddie*)

When I watched the episode my second time to take notes, I wrote one that said ‚Abby and Eddie parallels / lawsuit‘ - and I gotta be honest I barely remember what I meant. But I did still produce some thoughts (just not sure if that was where I was going with the note, so if anyone has some other ideas, please share):

You know how Abby talks about losing herself when she is with Buck? Well, I know someone who lost themselves just this season because he wasn’t with Buck! (Jup, we’re back with the lawsuit, ya’ll really thought I wouldn’t bring this up? You guys! More than 20000 words and you still don’t know me!)

It’s a very nice parallel to have Abby talking about losing herself with Buck when we saw Eddie losing himself without Buck. Because while I think Eddie himself is a selfless person just like Buck, similar to how Buck needed Abby in Season 1 as a catalyst of change so to speak, Buck was the catalyst of change for Eddie.

I talked a lot in the other parts about Eddie having problems with voicing his needs and feelings - and now please once again look at his relationship with Buck. Because here he has been doing this, not from the get go of course, Eddie didn’t take one look at Buck and his whole life was turned upside down (that was Buck looking at Eddie), but I think Buck steamrolling through Eddie’s life helped Eddie find himself. Buck, from the get go, is a calm centre for Eddie, an anchor, even after he reconnects with Shannon. Buck is who he turns to in a crisis, who he trusts with his son, with having his back.

And I think in both cases - Abby and Buck as well as Eddie and Buck - the relationship is brought to the next level through Buck’s selflessness and willingness to help. But while Abby just takes it and doesn’t really see it as the gift it is and never fully lets Buck in, Eddie does the opposite. Eddie, whether knowing or unknowing, makes himself exactly what Buck needs: someone who puts trust in him, who treats him like an equal, who opens his home and his family to him. And he also tries (and this is a big thing considering who we’re talking about right now) to be there for Buck, to be his anchor just like Buck is his - which obviously works with mixed results, because one person, no matter how hard they try can never fix the problems of someone else alone. Believe me. I’ve tried.

And wow, did that get deep and fast! Damn ya’ll and I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in like 5 days. This show really gives me all the feels!

Now, to keep me and maybe ya’ll from crying I’m gonna change the subject and talk about something else, also known as the rest of the episode:

To go back to the start of the episode, Buddie really had some extreme couple / family vibes going on, especially with Christopher in the mix. It’s telling that they included a scene of Buck and Christopher specifically and it was to remind us once again that these two have a strong bond. I won’t go all: Buddie confirmed, this is were we are heading, ya’ll! Because as you must have realised by now I am fairly cautious when it comes to this and am always fighting to keep my own clownery at bay, but I do have to say so far nothing in this show and Season 3B specifically has read as a red flag for me, disapproving the possibility or making me feel queerbaited. Now, maybe I am just very off in my intuition and they will change gear in Season 4, but well, right now I have some hope! I also loved the scene of Christopher going to camp and the card which reminded me of 3.01 and also, Eddie looks so good here! And he came so far, letting his son go to camp and all!

Of course I would have loved to see Buck there as well, but one, that would have been a Buddie confirmed and we’re not quite there yet and I’m glad cause right now they aren’t fully ready (in show terms, fanfiction is something different), and two this proves what I said about Buck and Christopher being connected and him having parental / fatherly feelings toward the boy but like, not being his actual father yet! Buck loves Chris and Chris loves Buck and obviously he is part of the Diaz family - but he also isn’t.

(Also: I went to something like camp when I was 11 and you think both my parents brought me? Nah, son, they didn’t. My dad brought me while my mom made breakfast.)

Now, some sidenotes to round it all off:

Karen is a gift and I really hope we see more of her because omg, I wanna be her friend, I wanna be her wife, I wanna learn about life from her! She is awesome and I will never fully forgive Hen for cheating on her, like girly, Eva isn’t even close to Karen on any level?

And speaking of Hen, I love the subplot of Chim coming to terms with her potentially leaving and deciding to help her because he was who she really needed on her side - not anyone else. I’d write a meta on their relationship but tbh it’s so consistent and unproblematic, I really don’t know what to write except: goals about 10000 times. Which isn’t that different to me finding new ways to write THE CONNECTION, if we’re being honest but oh well! Now it’s too late to stop that!

I loved Athena getting spooked by Bobby showing up behind her when she was getting a drink - talk about this show finally addressing the trauma these characters go through! And it only took, oh well, about 35 episodes. Let’s hope that is the energy they bring into Season 4.

Now the apology scene with Bobby, I do hate how Buck is once again the one apologising and especially since it’s with Bobby but I do think it was a nice scene and a great callback to 3.01. Also this episode showed a lot of growth in Bobby and Buck’s relationship. Because after 3a was all about Bobby projecting onto Buck and making decisions for him based on what he thought was the right thing, this episode not only had Buck standing up to Bobby in a healthy and adult way (no lawsuit this time!) but also Bobby giving in and letting Buck make the decision even if he disagreed. That is some motherforking growth right here and Babe, I hope you are not to disappointed with me, but if they keep Bobby like this I might actually begin to see his appeal to people (still need him to suffer the consequences of his actions, though).

But to end on a great note:

Buck is doing okay and - most importantly - MADNEY BABY!!! You guys, we knew it was coming from the promos and all but I cried! I cried so hard! I am so happy for them! These two soft characters and their amazing, open, caring, trusting, adult relationship deserves all the luck in their fictional universe!

Whew, you guys! We’ve done it! And it’s longer than Season 2 (I’m sorry, are ya’ll surprised? This episode was a lot!)

I feel like I should write some form of conclusion to this whole meta and yet my words elude me. Here are the few I have for you though:

This meta began with the idea that neither Buck nor Eddie really knew how to be emotionally intimate with a person and instead used sex as a substitute. This is no longer true for either character.

Buck has learned through his relationship with Abby, that he can be both physically and emotionally intimate with a person and he has proven how this is still true in his reaction to Taylor and his relationship with Ali, what little we saw of it. Furthermore Season 3B specifically showed that Buck, while still afraid to open up to people, is trying. I do think Season 4 is heading toward some kind of romance for him and while I am praying to several deities I do not believe in and the universe itself that it is Eddie, I am not sure. I hope so. But never the less, my shipping aside, Buck has grown tremendously in the course of 3 Seasons and I am so impressed both with his character and the way the show has so realistically done it. I love him. Even more than Buddie I hope we get to see him truly happy in Season 4, happy and settled and learning what life actually holds for him because that kid could rule the world if he wanted to. Now, Eddie: It’s funny, when I began this meta I felt more connected to Buck, I didn’t really see myself in Eddie, I barely had a grasp on his character at times. Now? Now he is my favourite, I love his greyness, his goodness despite his faults, the way he always struggles with himself to do better, to be better because it doesn’t come naturally to him, because it has been taught to him to do the opposite. And that is so impressive. I love the growth we saw in him, the evolution, the fight to be a better man than his own role-models and I love especially how all of this was motivated by and for his son. He truly loves him more than life itself and I am so impressed with 911 subverting something that feels like a very female storyline by giving it to a man.

But of course Eddie isn’t done yet and Eddie still struggles with intimacy and opening up but he is getting there. Through Frank and Buck and for Christopher he is fighting and he is getting there and I love that for him and about him! He deserves to be happy in Season 4 just like Buck, but mostly he deserves to be at peace with himself!

And I already talked at length about Ana and their potential and linked what I thought didn’t fit in here, so I will not bore you by repeating myself and just say: wait. Wait and see. Maybe the show will surprise us. Maybe it won’t. Maybe corona will kill us all before we have a chance to see Season 4. Maybe we are in the Matrix and the blue pill is a metaphor for being trans. Life is strange!

Also on a more personal note I wanna say thank you to everyone who has read and liked and reblogged and commented. I love all of you. Your support and trust in what I am saying has meant a lot and will mean just as much in the future and I do hope I get to do this again in like a year once they return!

(Also, not to sound needy but another reminder to please reblog and comment? Because I *am* actually writing this because I really wanna talk about the show and my feelings and your thoughts and you know, that can only happen if ya’ll do some reblogging)

(Or come to my ask if you are more comfortable being even more anonymous, I don’t judge - I NEVER ask question any other way!)

In diesem Sinne: hamma wieder was gelernt, recht herzlichen Dank für Ihre Aufmerksamkeit und auf Wiedersehen!

Also, of course, the tagging:

@chimbuckleys @angelcamael @greyhello @the-family-we-choose-118 @ipleiade @sevensoulmates

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie meta #buck meta #eddie meta #911 meta #911 #911 fox #meta #textpost #mine #season 3 #my meta

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zelvyth · 4 years

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From a very young age it was reinforced that my ADHD was a disability I was meant to overcome rather than a tool I could use to better myself. I didn’t even know that I had been diagnosed, and that my mother had chosen not to medicate me, until I was partway through highschool. By that point I had already begun to give up on ever truly “making it” in life. The hurdles I needed to overcome had demoralized me to the point of near total apathy. Between my sexuality and early coming out in a small town highschool, and my various mental health problems, I felt like no one in the world saw things from my point of view. The last blow to my self esteem came when my grade 12 english teacher, the true decider of fate to any young person, told me my final thesis on Lady Macbeth being one of the greatest example of the flaws in Machiavelli’s “The Prince” was brilliant, but due to formatting and scattered grammar issues, she could give me no higher than a 60%. After years of getting consistent high 90’s in my english classes as well as other subjects, I had failed this extremely crucial essay due to the idiosyncrasies of the most frustrating language known to humankind. I passed that class with a 68, and felt like my fate was sealed. No chance at getting into any University in the country without redoing 5 months of work because one person believed that following the rules was a more important indication of intelligence than original ideas and the ability to make an argument. It crushed me. I admit that I didn’t put in the effort, but I had spent my entire life being told I was incredibly intelligent. It was the one thing I held onto. I felt betrayed by the education system. Though it was also due to many other factors at the time, this contributed to the second of my four suicide attempts. Today, I reject that philosophy.

When a person with ADHD is thinking, they connect ideas in their heads much faster than the average person. It can be confusing and disorienting to the people around them. I constantly have to explain how I got from point A to point B because the points connect automatically in my head. It’s exhausting, so I frequently do not bother to try. It’s extremely helpful when crafting an argument, however it can be debilitating in many aspects of modern life. Things the average person doesn’t think about, can be crippling for me. Without a true passion towards something, my ability to focus becomes hazy and my thoughts become scattered. I spend the majority of the day stuck in my head having conversations with myself instead of doing “normal” things with my time. I have spent my life being told that ADHD is my weakness, today I can tell you with the utmost certainty that it is my greatest strength.

When the international pandemic of the respiratory disease “Covid-19” truly began and the world went into full nationwide lockdown, the bistro that I had, for the most part, happily been employed at shut down. After 8 years of honing my culinary craft certain that my skills, though undervalued, would always be needed somewhere, I was out of a job. Indefinitely. So was most of the country that worked with their hands or, in some capacity, physically with other people. Unless you were able to conduct business through zoom conferences or were a suddenly “essential” employee like a fast food worker, you were left with little to do but sit and think or try desperately to distract yourself from the increasingly troubling world around you. Luckily, to my surprise, the conservative government had pledged to keep us all fed and watered as best they could. What deeply worried me was the knowledge that my friends south of the border, through no fault of their own, and already mostly furious with their government, were not being treated with the same bare minimum of respect. I knew it was a recipe for true disaster and widespread civil unrest as early as march.

I watched while the culture of social media, at least from my own lgbt bias, slowly started to shift and I picked up a lot of the big picture through memes and personally shared anecdotes. Celebrities were being ripped apart as they tried to get our attention again from their huge mansions while people sat at home worried about how to feed their children. Using insensitive phrasing like “we’re all in this together” when they undeniably weren’t. It quickly became a social caste system. The desperately poor trying to creatively make money any way they could. The often needlessly endangered. And the upper class for whom, little had changed besides the inability to do whatever they want at any given time. The lines were very clearly drawn. While the rich bemoaned their accessibility to haircuts, the poor argued with landlords about rent. All the while another group was frequently paid minimum wage to work on the proverbial front lines; flipping hamburgers, being yelled at by the rich because you were out of everything with the supply chain so damaged, or literally saving peoples lives. The anger and frustration quickly took over nearly every form of social media. Subtly, but day by day it grew. There was only so much one could do from inside their apartments, and globally, the havenots found solace and comfort with one another. The narratives of meme culture, which had matured and specialized far beyond the early days of “lolcats” and “trollface” comics, became almost exclusively about mocking the rich and their inability to deal with slight inconveniences.

Nearly every month of 2020 was a new major nationwide crisis and people had little else to do but talk about it or ignore it. The year kicked off with serious threat of a third world war because Donald Trump was tweeting intentionally inflammatory remarks towards the fascist leader of North Korea. All while nearly the entire country of Australia was ravaged by forest/bush fire. January saw a clearly corrupt president unbelievably not be impeached. Sparking outrage among, in my humble opinion, any sane individual. This also exposed, to anyone who knew all the facts, that the systems to hold those in power accountable was clearly broken and corruptible. Towards the end of January, beloved basketball player Kobe Bryant died in a horrible helicopter accident involving his daughter. Late February leading into early March was when global fears over Coronavirus began to be taken extremely seriously by every government in the world, the exception being the United States and the Trump administration. By late April, the country had over a hundred thousand dead, and nearly a quarter of its population out of a job. The irony of this, is that the calls to reopen the country didn’t come from those that had lost their jobs, but the upper class that had grown restless deprived from their usual comforts. Meanwhile we openly mocked them on instagram, tumblr, and twitter. Trying desperately to make light of a horrible situation and bring at least a little levity to their lives. News that a new breed of dangerously fatal hornets had migrated to North America was derided as a filler episode. One of my personal favourite takes on the year as a whole so far was a comparison to the four horseman of the apocalypse. January representing War, February representing Pestilence, March representing Famine, and April representing Death. In fact a lot of meme culture started to take on an extremely apocalyptic vibe. The message for many was clear, and depressing.

Then things started to happen really fast, so fast that for many it would make your head spin looking at it from the outside. It began with a video featuring a white Canadian woman from Waterloo named Amy Cooper that went viral across the globe. In the Ramble area of Central Park in NYC, this woman was filmed by a clearly peaceful, yet insistent, black man named Christian Cooper, no relation, asking her to leash her dog. This is a bylaw of the area. The woman refused and began to become very distressed, roughly handling her dog by the collar. She started dailing 911 and accused the man of assaulting her to the dispatcher. What many understood about this act, and rightfully called her out in outrage over, is that she was using her knowledge of how police handle black people in America to threaten this mans life over leashing her dog. She has been fired, and the shelter has taken her dog back.

Two days later, as I was travelling to my family’s cottage to “get away from it all and unplug”, a friend sent me a snapchat video from Minneapolis. It was on fire. I immediately did everything I could to try to find out what had happened. That, is when I saw the video of 8 minutes and 46 seconds of a police officer with his knee on the neck of another human being. This did not shock, nor suprise me. I had followed the many accounts of police killing people on video since 2014 when I was 16. When the Ferguson protests over Michael Brown’s killing by police officers were broadcast over most of the developed world. I had seen little change, despite Barrack Obama being President. This continued to happen for the next 6 years, though there were no more protests. Some of the people of those original protests that started the Black Lives Matter Movement, went missing over the next several years. Mainly those that had been photographed.

George Floyd’s death, I feel, was the straw that broke the camels’ back. Which is how anyone who has personally experienced police mistreatment and injustice would understand watching that video. A societal contract had been broken. And Minneapolis started to burn down the city that would let this happen to their friend, their neighbour, their father, their brother, and most importantly, their son. The words that chilled me to my very core… And continue to make me cry when I think about. Continue to make me want to punch every cop I run into.The words that have caused me to continue having this argument every day with everyone I know. The words that make me want to scream and rage and burn that country to the ground…. “Mama”

In his dying breaths this man called out to his mother. Who had died 2 years earlier. Who could not come save him. The police officer casually, with his hands in his pockets, knowing he could get away with it, murdered that man while he called out for his dead mother. Suffocated him to death in the middle of a global pandemic driven by respiratory disease. If I had been in Minneapolis that night, I would have helped burn it to the ground.

Something I didn’t expect happened then. Something I didn’t expect when I saw the fires and the rage from mostly black citizens of the city. As I watched Fox News try to turn the story into a conversation about rioting and looting rather than Police accountability. Other peaceful protests started up in other cities. My entire social media feed from multiple sources was filled with people discussing their anger and vowing to protest it. I don’t like to admit that I didn’t see this coming. But on May 26th, as I ravenously tried to keep up from the comfort of a cottage on Crystal Lake Ontario, a spark of hope for humanity that I had lost a long time ago started to ignite.

Something interesting happens when you get most of your information from social media. It either makes you hyper critical of everything you’re told and willing to research anything important, or it makes you willing to believe anything your friends tell you. As the protests kicked off in major cities across America, after months of inactivity, my ADHD kicked into high gear. I used every neuron of my brain power to follow the protests from as many different angles as I could. Most importantly, I followed the story from the people who were at them. That’s what growing up in modern society makes you do. After months if not years if not decades of being lied to for personal gain constantly. It makes you pay attention to the people who have nothing to gain.

I got back to my appartment from my cottage a day later, still glued to my phone. Barely talking, barely eating, barely sleeping. I watched police officers in riot gear throw tear gas into peaceful protests in every city in America. Tear gas, by the way, is an international war crime in combat situations. I watched media with an implicitly right wing bias condemn the protests. Convincing people that looting was worth a war crime. I watched it work. It worked with my own father. It did not work for me. I watched the news from political biases of both sides but took most of it with a grain of salt. That’s what I had been taught to do from as young as 14 by the world I grew up in. The news could give me general information. However, the story was on the ground and I knew from experience that people would try to bury it so I had to watch it as quickly as possible. I watched friends of mine in the states get tear gassed and beaten while exercising their first amendment rights. I watched the news condemn the protests. I was horrified. I watched the peaceful protesters of police brutality in New York get beaten and gassed from a minimum of 30 different perspectives of the people I knew and trusted, and those I didn’t. I watched the peaceful protestors in LA get beaten and gassed from the same amount of perspectives. I watched them throw flash bombs and shoot rubber coated bullets into the faces of my friends in every city in America. I watched the President of the United States order the peaceful protestors in front of the White House to be beaten and gassed so he could have an awkward photo-op with a fucking bible. I watched this for a week straight from every angle available. Day in and day out. Every hour I was conscious, I watched fascism try to grab power in in every city in America. I watched people in powerful positions deny it.

It wasn’t just paying attention to the protests and the news of them explicitly. I wasn’t just filled with horror. I was also watching something wonderfully unexpected happen. I watched my black friends, my gay friends, my asain friends, and my intelligent friends, begin to weaponize social media. I watched them beg all of their friends to do the same. So did I, even though I felt like there wasn’t anything I could really do from cozy liberal Waterloo. I watched us all turn the algorithms against the people who made them. I did everything I could to make sure you couldn’t turn away. I told my gay white friends condemning the actions of protestors that his rights came from a riot. I watched them shrink in fear of my voice. My father told me I was getting caught up in left wing rhetoric. I tore his arguments to shreds. He told me broad angry statements don’t do anything. I told him broad angry statements create the conversation we’re having. Resistance is a highway with many lanes, and I knew my lane.

You grow up, especially in my age, especially when you’re gay, especially when you are exposed to a lifetime of stories of rebellion against tyranny, hearing about the power of resistance. As I marched in Waterloo with over thirty thousand people I didn’t know, I realized that I have never truly understood that power. How it surges through your body like electricity as you scream until your voice is hoarse. It’s a high better than any drug known to man, than any pride parade where I was pandered to by corporations for hours. It took my fear, and my anger, and my helplessness and turned it into raw power exploding from my body. I continued to watch people I knew deny reality.

The protests grew. They spread across the world like wildfire. I went to facebook, a place I avoid because I don’t agree with the majority of people on it, and told anyone who would listen to me that this is what Pride means. What it truly means to be proud of your community. Not a rainbow flag in a store window, not a corporation asking you to buy it’s rainbow backpack. But turning apathy in face of evil into raw unbridled electricity. I watched the protests spread to Montreal and Toronto, I watched the police mishandle things there too. I watched violence perpetuated by the state against my friends, people I’ve known for years. The power I felt merely grew. It grew with every flash grenade and bullet and tear gas canister shot at my friends. It will not subside till this is over or until I die. I’m going to spend the next decade giving up the comfortable life of good food, great drinks, and fantastic company that I found in the restaurant industry. I’m going to spend a decade getting my Law degree to fight for every last one of us in the courtroom because that is a place I can make it count.

Today is June 8th of the year 2020 and I began writing this piece at Noon, it is now 4:11 P.M. I have done zero editing and I refuse to. I submit this as my revised final essay. I want to know when you got behind the protests. Because if it was as you were reading this, I deem you unworthy to judge my critical thinking skills. If it was yesterday I think you should be ashamed of yourself. I was with them from hour one. You should have been too. How dare you spend years teaching children about racism and oppression. How dare you tell me that I’m not worthy of higher education in any form. Telling children that wikipedia is unreliable as a source is idiotic, it’s one of the most peer reviewed encyclopedia’s to ever exist. How dare you tell me and the young adults you teach that you don’t give out scores higher than ninety percent. What is the point of forcing teenagers to write in cursive. Why must I live the experiences you write about in your precious properly formatted essays. In this country a 68 is two percent shy of getting into any University. It’s sentencing an intelligent person with an array of disabilities a life of believing they have no power. Despite my own mistakes at the time and the amount I have grown as a person since, I will hold you personally accountable for that.

As a closing statement, to every English teacher in this province, no, to every English teacher in the great country of Canada. Think very hard about when exactly you put your full support behind this movement. Because your curriculum is outdated, and absolutely useless in the real world. And your racism is showing.

Post Script.

There is no bibliography of unbiased sources because all sources are biased. You have a supercomputer in your pocket and this should all be public information. Look it up.

#blm #nojusticenopeace #adhd #adhd brain #protests #canada #manic

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bangkokjacknews · 3 years

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9/11 Conspiracy - The 'hijackers' couldn't fly planes

Nineteen young Arab men were able to board four American domestic passenger jets and, armed with only Stanley knives or modelling knives, were able to over-power the crew and passengers of each plane. Four of them had received flight training on simulators in America and, despite not being able to speak English, had learned enough to take over the controls of each plane. They knew enough to switch off the transponders and autopilot and managed to steer aircraft they had never flown before, single handedly, into very small targets, with minute precision, many, many miles away. So what we actually know is that in the first place their names did not appear on any passenger list and that is not an easy thing to arrange. There are no cases, prior to 9/11, of a passenger being able to board a commercial airline without being checked in. On September 11, 2001 there were nineteen examples. There have been no cases since 9/11. And no DNA has been found of any of them at the four crash sites. Subsequently there is no proof of any kind that they were even on board. Their names have appeared on passenger lists, subsequently posted on the internet since 9/11, but did not at the time. Even the passport found on the street in New York is not proof that Satam al Suqami was up there in that inferno. If anything finding his perfectly preserved passport on the street would suggest he could not have been up there, or it had been lost or stolen and coincidentally dropped in New York on that day. Or he was on the ground and dropped it himself. But there is no tangible proof any of them were on any of the aircraft. Only what we have been told. Furthermore, seven of them were still alive after 9/11 and living in the middle east or Africa. Pilot Waleed al Shehri was interviewed by the BBC on September 23rd in Casablanca, Morocco and was obviously protesting his innocence. He was easy to believe since he was not dead. He told journalists there that he had nothing to do with the attacks on New York and Washington, and had been in Morocco when they happened. He had contacted both the Saudi and American authorities to report his innocence. He claimed his brother Wail, another named as one of the hijackers of Flight 11, was also still alive. Abdul Aziz al Omari, an alleged Flight 11 hijacker is still alive too and working as an engineer with Saudi Telecoms. He claims he lost his passport in Denver and obviously would have had to report this to the authorities or he would not have been able to travel back to Saudi Arabia. Another man of the same name is also alive and is a pilot working for Saudi Arabian Airlines. A London newspaper interviewed Saeed al Ghamdi after 9/11 and they too confirmed that announcements of his death had been premature. The same goes for Ahmed al Nami, Salem al Hazmi and Mohamed al Shehri who were all still alive after September 11, 2001. Despite this the FBI have not revised their list of hijackers. Special Agent Flagg of the FBI briefed reporters and said that they had identified the hijackers immediately as they discovered a list of the names of all of them in luggage Mohammad Atta had left behind in a rental car. Apparently the list was in a case along with a terrorist manual with instructions of how to hijack a passenger aircraft. How did they find Atta's rental car? We are told that the authorities received an anonymous tip about a suspicious looking white car parked at Logan Airport. What do you think was suspicious about a white rental car parked at Logan Airport among tens of thousands of other similar looking white cars? Was it upside down? Was it on fire? How could it look suspicious? There has also been cockpit recordings released of the terrorist, Muslim, hijackers chanting Allah Akbah, which translates as God is Great. But, according to Muslim scholars, the final words a devout follower of Islam should be; 'There is but one God, Allah. And Mohammed is his prophet. Would they get their important final words so wrong..? Possibly. And in direct contradiction to this briefing by Special Agent Flagg there is now information of a earlier list of suspects that the FBI put together from their first look through the flight manifests (passenger lists) They then began to investigate the movements, immediately prior to the attacks, of; Mohamed Atta Adnan Bukhari Ameer Bukhari Abdul Alomari Amer Kamfar All of these men, with the exception of Atta, were Saudi Arabian pilots living in Vero Beach, Florida. Abdul Alomari lived with his family in the same house as Amer Kamfar. Right next door was Adnan Bukhari and his family who had Ameer Bukhari, thought at that time to be his brother, staying with them. Mohamed Atta was the only one who was not qualified as a pilot although was known to have been receiving flight training at Huffman Aviation, among other flight schools. At 5am on the morning of September 12, 2001 a police S.W.A.T team stormed into Adnan Bukhari's house only to be surprised to find him eating breakfast and watching news coverage of the previous day's events. They arrested him anyway after claiming that his identity card, and that of brother Ameer, had been discovered in a rental car left by known hijackers in Portland, Maine. This raises other questions because as the FBI clearly didn't know who the hijackers were at this stage then how would they know where their cars were parked? Anyway, not important. What is important is that Ameer Bukhari, who was not related and not living at the same address after all, had died a year earlier. The agents then evacuated the surrounding streets, claiming the house was rigged with explosives. After passing polygraph tests and providing credible alibis Bukhari was released and allowed to go home. He was lucky, he could have ended up in Guantanamo Bay had it been ready by then. Abdul Rahman Alomari and Amer Kamfar were also alive and well and not living next door after all, they were in Saudi Arabia. Instead the S.W.A.T team invaded the house of an entirely innocent family. Only Mohammad Atta was unaccounted for and therefore became the first name on the second list. The one we all got to see on the front pages of our newspapers the following morning. However, these two lists of suspects were then, and still are now, at least partially wrong. From the first list only Atta could have been involved and from the second seven of the suspects were still alive on September 12th. Remember Atta's name came up on a search of a passenger list along with four other Arabs who were already dead before or still alive afterwards. Which means the hijackers were using false identities in four out of the five examples. The second list was compiled after the FBI claimed they had traced Atta's hire car and, inside, found a bomb making manual (why would he need one?) and a convenient, complete list of the of the nineteen names of all the actual men who were allegedly involved in the attacks on September 11, 2001. Now add in the crucial details, the things that we actually know. Mohamed Atta's name did NOT appear on any flight manifest that made up the initial list of five suspects. So where did his name come from? One of them was already dead, three were still alive and only Atta was unaccounted for. From the second list of nineteen, found in Atta's car, seven were still alive and none of them were on the original passenger manifests. Even if you want to still believe all you have been told then try this little exercise. Imagine, for just one moment, if Mohamed Atta's identity had been stolen as we know the other four on the initial FBI list had been, then how reliable to you find this second list of nineteen suspects? This is exactly what the Daily Telegraph reported in England on 23rd September 2001 Revealed: The Men With Stolen Identities Their names were flashed around the world as suicide hijackers who carried out the attacks on America. But yesterday four innocent men told how their identities had been stolen. The men, all from Saudi Arabia – spoke of their shock at being mistakenly named by the FBI as suicide terrorists. None of the four was in the United States on September 11 and all are alive in their home country. The Telegraph obtained the first interviews with the men since they learnt that they were on the FBI’s list of hijackers who died in the crashes in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania. All four said they were outraged to be identified as terrorists. One has never been to America and another is a Saudi Airlines pilot who was on a training course in Tunisia at the time of the attacks. Saudi Airlines said it was considering legal action against the FBI for seriously damaging its reputation and that of its pilots.

9/11 Conspiracy - Just the known facts Hundreds, if not thousands, of pilots have used simulators to try and recreate the flight patterns of both jets that hit the Twin Towers and none of them have managed to hit their target first time. Some pilots with 20,000 hours experience have needed three to four attempts. Go to the Pilots for 911 Truth website for more information. Don't take my word for this, do your own research.And finally, in respect of the pilot-hijackers there is one last important piece of known evidence. And that is none of them could have flown those planes on 9/11 anyway. Experts have now studied their backgrounds and the training they apparently received, and read their evaluations and they were all found to be under skilled and unqualified. Extensive tests have been performed in flight simulators and you cannot find a pilot anywhere who will agree that any of the people on the FBI list, that made up the 9/11 Commission Report, could have flown those four aircraft on 9/11 in the manner in which we have been told they did. Instead, these four alleged hijackers, the pilots, were novices who had barely learned how to fly small propeller planes. Their instructors describe them as having only 'very poor to below average piloting skills, at best.' And yet at their very first attempt behind the controls of a Boeing 757 (or 767) on September 11, 2001, they were competent enough to fly at altitudes of up to 37,000ft, without any assistance from either a co-pilot or air traffic control, and successfully navigate into their intended targets. Even though it is possible, in theory, it can only be regarded as somewhere between highly unlikely and impossible. And then multiply that by three. Tony Ferrante, the head of the Federal Aviation Administration's investigations division, spent several days after the incidents carefully piecing together the movements of the four aircraft targeted in the attacks. He later revealed that his 'hair stood on end' when he understood the precision with which all four aircraft had been flown. Darryl Jenkins, the director of the Aviation Institute at George Washington University, told the New York Times that the pilots who carried out the attacks 'knew what they were doing down to very smallest detail.' He said that 'Each one of them must have been trained in flying big planes.' The Times reported that a 'number of aviation experts agreed' with Jenkins and had said that 'the hijackers must have been experienced pilots.' John Nance, an airline pilot, author, and aviation expert, noted that 'the direct hits on the two towers and on the Pentagon suggested to him that the pilots were experienced fliers.' Nance pointed to the smooth banking of the second plane to strike the towers and said that 'precisely controlling a large jet near the ground, necessary for the Pentagon attack, also required highly advanced skill.' Nance concluded, 'There's no way any amateur could have, with any degree of reliability, done what was done during the 9/11 attacks.

9/11 Conspiracy - Just the known facts Robin Lloyd, a Boeing 737 captain with a British airline, told The Telegraph that 'the hijackers had to be 100 percent switched on people, 100 percent experienced pilots and probably military trained. He said someone like Osama bin Laden 'just wouldn't have access to pilots of the calibre needed to pull it off.' Unlike pilots of the small planes the four hijacker pilots could barely understand, Boeing 757s and 767s require a vast understanding of navigation techniques and an in-depth knowledge of complicated hydraulic systems, autopilot and thrust controls. They also have sophisticated glass cockpits with video screens and digital read outs that require an advanced level of computer skills, and training, to be able to understand and follow. Niki Lauda, the former Formula One world champion who is also a pilot and owned his own airline, said on German TV that whoever flew the aircraft into the WTC must have been 'properly trained to fly a plane like that.' He said, 'You have to know exactly what the turning radius of a plane like that is, if I am trying to hit the World Trade Centre. That means, these had to be fully trained 767 or 757 pilots. It certainly could not be the case that some half-trained pilot tries it somehow, because then he could not hit it.' In fact every experienced pilot who is prepared to comment on the flying competence of the 9/11 pilots have all said that the only way they themselves could be certain of hitting those targets was by using autopilot. Which, as we know, were switched off in all four cases. And yet the main stream media, for this example it is the New York Magazine, is still publishing articles like this one to reinforce the original story and hope future generations use information like this as historic fact when doing their own research. George Orwell warned us about this in 1948. Mohamed Atta and Marwan Alshehhi, allegedly the terrorists who flew American Airlines Flight 11 and United Airlines Flight 175 into the World Trade Centre, were mediocre pilots, according to several accounts. They learned to fly between July and December 2000 at a flight school in Venice, Florida. They were enrolled in the school's Accelerated Pilot Program and trained in a Cessna 172, a small single-engine propeller plane. In mid-December 2000, the two men passed their commercial pilot tests and received their licenses. The closest Atta and Alshehhi came to flying a jet aircraft before September 11 was the two days they spent at the SimCenter flight school in Opa-Locka, Florida, in late- December 2000, where they had six hours of training in a Boeing 727 simulator. Henry George, the owner of the SimCenter who trained Atta and Alshehhi said the two men were given only a 'mini, mini introduction' into jet flight. George found their flying skills to be unremarkable.

Read for yourself... Hani Hanjour, who supposedly at the controls of Flight 77 and who had the most difficult task in attacking the Pentagon stood out in flight school only for his particularly weak flying skills. This twenty-nine-year-old Saudi Arabian was described by instructors as a 'hopeless pilot.' The flights school's owner noted in his file that Hanjour was 'weak and wasting our resources.' After being asked to leave that facility Hanjour joined another where he was assessed as 'very poor.' His knowledge of the academic side of training was weak, his flying skills were marginal, but most significantly his 'judgment was very poor.' The instructor noted that Hanjour 'was neither well educated nor was he very intelligent.' He also had a poor understanding of the basic principles of aviation and poor technical skills. Another instructor, in early 2001, found Hanjour's piloting skills so bad and his understanding of English to be so inadequate that he questioned whether his pilots license was genuine. He feared Hanjour's skill level to be so poor that he worried he could be a safety hazard at the flight centre. Yet another instructor at the time described him as 'totally clueless. I will be amazed if he could have flown a plane into the Pentagon because he couldn't fly at all.' In mid August, one month before the attacks, he was assessed as 'a poor student.' He was then refused a request to hire a small, light aircraft without further training. All of this only one month before he supposedly pulled off one of the greatest flying achievements of all time. At the controls of United Airlines Flight 93 was the slightly more competent Ziad Jarrah, a twenty-six year-old from the Lebanon. This one learned to fly during the later part of 2000 having spent six months at a flight school in Florida. He trained on a two-seater Cessna 152 propeller plane. The owner of the enter described him as average and that 'we had to do more to get him ready than any of the others.' In June of 2001 he had a further two flying sessions before he too was refused a hire plane because of his poor flying skills. Herbert Hortman, the owner of the school, told the 9/11 Flight Commission that he was 'surprised Jarrah had qualified for his pilot's licence because they had considered him to be of limited ability.' Hortman also speculated that a flight-school with a 'less that reputable nature had issued the license.' His intended target is thought to have been the White House or Capitol Hill until he was thwarted by the passengers, says the Report. But could his target have been WTC7 or another Larry Silverstein building, the Sears Tower in Chicago that was evacuated at 10.02am after a warning that a plane could be heading their way? Now, it is possible that all four of these so-called pilots could have had beginners luck. But, if so this has to be the greatest example of beginners luck since beginners luck was first recorded. Or, if not, then the official explanation of the 9/11 attacks should be questioned. And this is on top of what we already know about WTC7, the Twin Towers and the men in suits who walked through the fire to survival. And the Dancing Israelis. And the questionable evidence provided by the U.S. Solicitor General about his wife's phone calls. Plus the other phantom phone calls and the two aircraft, at the pentagon and in Shanksville, that just weren't there for the first reporters. Mohammad Atta (The Ring Leader) Atta, the scary one with the 'thousand yard stare,' had his passport stolen in 1999. He was remembered by his university friends as shy, timid and uncomfortable with women. Usually they would refrain from drinking and swearing in front of him for fear of upsetting the sensitive soul. So how did this gentle, unpolitical boy from a respected Egyptian family suddenly become the hard drinking, stripper loving, terrorist that the media, and the FBI, describe him to be? Read the full article

#september11 sept11 911

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love-max1982-us · 3 years

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crazy4tank · 3 years

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Check Out These Incredible GT3 Cars | HotCars

New Post has been published on https://coolcarsnews.com/check-out-these-incredible-gt3-cars-hotcars/

Check Out These Incredible GT3 Cars | HotCars

The race class GT3 was created within 2005, originally as the 3rd rung of the performance step ladder across international track motorsport. In the sixteen years given that, it's turned into something of the all-star showdown, with heavyweight names from across the globe combating it out for dominance. You will find countless racing series involving GT3 cars, with some of the very notable being the DTM Championship and the Blancpain Stamina Series.

RELATED: 10 Coolest Cars Which have Dominated The 24 Hours Associated with Le Mans

It's a vehicle class unlike any other for the reason that it attracts everything from Italian language supercars to American muscle tissue into its ranks. That is because it's just the right stability for manufacturers, with fairly affordable development costs but brutal competition. As well as being top of the line, these cars also happen to look fairly awesome too . Take a look at take a look at ten of the best vehicles to have ever been homologated in to GT3.

ten Ferrari 488 GT3

Through Ferrari

Ferrari has probably the greatest racing pedigree of any kind of brand ever, so it's not surprising that they've built various cars for the class. The newest and greatest of those may be the 488 GT3, a ground-up rebuild from the road-going 488 car .

Via Ferrari

Using a regulation-compliant 550 hp, the particular GT3 is a little less effective than its road-going aunty. It more than makes up for the with extreme weight preserving, as it comes in at just two, 750 lbs. For evaluation, that's an identical weight to some Ford Fiesta, except this can make around five times the particular horsepower.

9 Chevrolet Corvette C7. R GT3

Via Chevrolet North America

The Chevy Corvette includes a surprisingly varied racing background , and the brand's C7. R race car continues that trend. It's actually homologated for several GT-related classes, yet one of those is in GT3.

Via Chevrolet The united states

Which means it faces off towards some of the greatest names in motorsport, but it's more than effective at putting up a fight. Actually the car managed an earn in at least one racing collection every year it raced, aside from its final season within 2019.

8 Porsche 911 L GT3

Through Porsche UK

Another long-time race heavyweight, the Porsche 911 is a true veteran associated with motorsport. There's been rally 911s, drift-spec ones and even a few dragster builds, but the GT3 version is one of the most productive.

RELATED: These types of Stunning Porsche Concepts Certainly not Made It To Production

Through Porsche UK

Porsche have in fact had 5 different generations of 911 approved pertaining to GT3 racing, but the 991. 2 pictured here is the most current. The brand recently launched a 992 Cup vehicle, so hopefully, very soon it can be homologated to race within GT3.

7 Dodge Viper SRT GT3-R

Through FCA Media

Dodge can search for their roots right back towards the start of the GT3 class, because the 2005 Viper race vehicle was only the second vehicle ever to get homologated. The newest iteration is the GT3-R, a vehicle that's arguably even better searching than the road-legal version.

Via FCA Mass media

Difficult quite had the same degree of success as some of the other producers, but even so, it's excellent to get a proper muscle racing vehicle competing within the class. The Viper sought out of production in 2017, but let's hope that will Dodge can make an similarly cool replacement and come in to race once again.

6 Lexus RC-F GT3

Via Lexus Europe

It's not only the Europeans and Americans which are battling it out for the very best spot in GT3. Western manufacturers are well in the blend too, with Toyota Motorsport submitting sister brand Lexus' RC-F for competition.

Via Lexus European countries

From the frighteningly quick car, using a 5. 4L V8 combined to a six-speed sequential tranny. That means over 500 hewlett packard and a weight of simply 1, 300 kg (2, 866 lb). Those fearsome specs translated to on-track success, with the car successful its class in the VLN Endurance Series the first time of year it entered.

five BMW M6 GT3

Through BMW Media

Alas, the THE CAR 6 Series is no longer, wiped out off by the arrival from the 8 Series. Still, the legend lives on within the M6 GT3, a competition car with a focus on being the most secure model in the class . It was also relatively productive, with multiple wins within 2016.

Through BMW Media

It won both 24 Hours of Spa and the Super GT Tournament, showing its capabilities both in endurance and touring vehicle races. The car was ultimately replaced by the M8 GTE in 2018, to coincide with the launch of the manufacturing 8 Series lineup.

4 McLaren 720S GT3

Via McLaren Automotive

The McLaren 720S is the most recent vehicle to gain GT3 homologation, becoming the 52nd car to do this. It's an undeniably awesome-looking racer, but it's got the particular performance chops to support it too. It was designed mainly for customer teams, the ones that buy race cars off the producer and run them below their own management.

Via McLaren Automotive

That's a various strategy to the likes of BMW, that built the M6 GT3 primarily for its in-house race team, BMW Motorsport. This particular freedom to choose a business technique is a key selling point meant for manufacturers looking to join GT3, as opposed to other, more limited racing classes.

three or more Ford Matech GT-GT3

Through ConceptCarz

Swiss outfit Matech worked with Ford on many occasions to homologate variations of the GT into several different racing classes. Their own most famous (and successful) entry was directly into GT1 , but they constructed a GT3 car as well.

RELATED: They are Ford's Most Amazing Principles Ever

Via Carsbase

The car includes a bit of a checkered history, becoming originally accepted for the course and then withdrawn at the last second. Match made some modifications and then resubmitted the car, that was again accepted. This 2nd car turned out to be a customer preferred, and the car is still associated with various championships today.

2 Lamborghini Huracan GT3 Evo

Via Lamborghini

When the manufacturing Lamborghini Huracan first arrived, some car fans had been a little disappointed. They believed it was too similar to the Audi R8, with which the car gives a platform. Well, the particular GT3 version proves that will Lambo can still make a fantastic car, even making their very own racing series specifically to demonstrate it off.

Via Lamborghini

Lambo worked with motorsport veterans Dallara to fine-tune the Huracan race vehicle to their exact liking, in one point even totally redesigning the aero. It might be resulted in an insanely competing car that's available to commission rate for an undisclosed sum. For every team serious about racking up all those wins, the Huracan Evo is as good a choice every for a competition car.

1 The cadillac ATS VR GT3

Via Cadillac Mass media

The cadillac perhaps isn't the most likely brand to be competing contrary to the motorsport heavyweights of the entire world, but they built and homologated a GT3 car within 2015. It raced within the Pirelli World Challenge plus won the first year this entered.

Through Cadillac Media

Unfortunately, the following many years weren't so successful, with all the car only managing a 4th and then sixth place in 2016 and '17. It was taken the year after, as Caddy clearly realized they didn't want to compete anymore. It's a pity as with the brand's poor sales of late, they could make use of any good publicity that they might get.

NEXT: These types of Road Cars Actually Began As Race Cars

#racing

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eichy815 · 3 years

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Fall Fusion 2021 (Fox)

The Coronavirus pandemic undoubtedly altered the landscape of primetime TV throughout the 2020-21 season. Studio audiences were universally eliminated, due to safety precautions. Some series had to have their production delayed altogether. But with vaccinations ramping up, old slivers of normalcy should incrementally return to our screens across the course of next season.

Tentatively, NBC and Fox are set to unveil their “upfronts” on May 17; and, twenty-four hours later, ABC will follow suit on May 18. The final reveal of that week will occur on May 19, when CBS introduces its Fall 2021 slate to the world. The CW will wait until May 25 to hold its “upfronts.”

As always, a host of network programs are considered “on-the-bubble” – meaning their chances of getting renewed or canceled might be about as predictable as a coin-flip. The shows still waiting to hear if they’ve been renewed include: Kenan, Young Rock, Zoe’s Extraordinary Playlist, Manifest, Debris, Law & Order: Organized Crime, and Good Girls on NBC; American Housewife, The Goldbergs, Mixedish, Call Your Mother, For Life, Station 19, A Million Little Things, Big Sky, Rebel, and The Rookie on ABC; The Unicorn, B Positive, United States of Al, SEAL Team, All Rise, and Clarice on CBS; and Call Me Kat, Bless the Harts, 911, 911: Lone Star, The Resident, and Prodigal Son on Fox.

Although the fall/winter/spring divide will probably be a lot smoother than it was this past season, I wouldn’t be surprised if the networks decide to “chunk” their series into 8-, 9-, or 10-episode strings of uninterrupted airings. These would be strategically placed as “pods” intermittent between the fall, winter, spring, and summer.

In addition, “time-sharing” different programs within the same slot across the networks’ schedules would be a more efficient way of getting mileage out of successful programming – especially how it would bake in natural “backup programming” to leave fewer gaps in the event of unexpected Coronavirus-related interruptions in production. At a certain point, hopefully Coronavirus will become so contained that it no longer forces temporary shutdowns of specific productions with any regularity.

(All times are Eastern/Pacific; subtract one hour for the Central/Mountain time zones)

(New shows highlighted in bold)

Featured network for today’s column…

FOX

Sunday

7:00 – NFL on Fox (fall) / Encore Programming (winter/spring)

7:30 – NFL on Fox (fall) / Duncanville (winter/spring)

8:00 – The Simpsons

8:30 – Bless The Hearts (fall) / The Great North (winter/spring)

9:00 – Bob’s Burgers

9:30 – Family Guy

Fox’s traditional Sunday night “Animation Domination” lineup will probably remain as is, with some series rotated in at specific times during the season.

Monday

8:00 – 911 (fall/spring) / Name That Tune (winter)

9:00 – 911: Lone Star (fall/spring) / America’s Most Wanted (winter)

Ryan Murphy’s duo of 911 franchise entries pair well together, so they’ll probably still be scheduled as twins for two separate “pods” during the year. During the “off-season” (outside of fall and spring), unscripted programming such as Name That Tune and America’s Most Wanted can pick up the slack here.

Tuesday

8:00 – The Resident (fall/spring) / Game of Talents (winter)

9:00 – Our Kind of People (fall) / Masquerade Ball (winter) / Back-Nine Drama (spring)

With The Resident somewhat on the bubble, I suspect it will return to the schedule in the fall due to its familiarity and syndication potential. It could serve as a lead-in for Our Kind of People – a Black family drama co-produced by Lee Daniels and Karin Gist. Then, midseason would bring the return of Game of Talents, along with the new reality entry Masquerade Ball. The 9pm slot in the spring could go to whatever new series (Our Kind of People or Blood Relative) ends up receiving a Back-Nine Order.

Wednesday

8:00 – The Masked Singer (fall/spring) / The Masked Dancer (winter)

9:00 – Blood Relative (fall) / The Big Leap (winter) / Back-Nine Drama (spring)

The Masked Singer will be a reliable player for the fall and spring. This wildly-popular reality entry could provide a good lead-in for Blood Relative, an investigative crime drama starring Melissa Leo (Homicide: Life on the Street).

Midseason, The Masked Dancer will foxtrot its way back in-between fall and spring editions of the show it spun off from; it should be used as a lead-in to launch musical dramedy The Big Leap (an ensemble led by Scott Foley and Teri Polo). In the spring, that 9pm time slot can be turned back over to Blood Relative…or to hour-long filler programming.

Thursday

8:00 – Thursday Night Football (fall) / Prodigal Son (winter/spring)

9:00 – Thursday Night Football (fall) / Pivoting (winter) / This Country (spring)

9:30 – Thursday Night Football (fall) / Call Me Kat (winter/spring)

After football has completed its autumn run, Prodigal Son could return in December or January to lead into a new comedy bloc: Mayim Bialik’s Call Me Kat would be paired with the single-cam Pivoting (which stars Ginnifer Goodwin, Eliza Coupe, and Maggie Q). Half-hour mockumentary This Country could slide into Pivoting’s time slot in April or May.

Friday

8:00 – WWE Smackdown

WWE Smackdown is the only game in town on Fridays. No other series need apply. The only exception to this would be if filler programming was needed to fill any weeks where the televised wrestling was, for whatever reason, unavailable. Options in this mold could include Mental Samurai, Hell’s Kitchen, MasterChef, MasterChef Junior, and I Can See Your Voice.

The pandemic has definitely forced networks to get creative with their programming. The higher turnaround time for production of scripted series may necessitate that programs split up their seasons into “chunks,” essentially “time-sharing” the same slot with other shows that get rotated in at other points during the season. As social-distancing restrictions gradually become more relaxed, unscripted programming with live studio audiences can be slowly integrated back into the studio itineraries.

Despite the year-plus lockdowns we’ve endured, primetime television has proved to be resilient and resourceful. There’s no reason to believe that won’t be the case as we head into 2022.

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amelia-blackshepherd · 7 years

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Number Four - part 5

Sorry for being a little late posting this part. We are getting closer and closer to the end of this journey. Enjoy and let me know what you think of this chapter.

“Grey! Peirce!” I yell after them as I jog to catch up with them in the hospital hallway. They both stop and turn to look at me with questioning looks on their faces, “Board room meeting at 8:00, get anyone you can to come.” I say as I catch them and immediately stride off in search of others.

“Why?” “What’s this about, Hunt?” They both inquiry.

“I’m doing something.” I say, although I elaborate when I notice I am being greeted with their confused looks, “I’m doing what you told me, Meredith, you told me I HAD to do something. Well I can’t figure this out on my own. So, I’m enlisting help.”

“Alright we’ll be there.” Grey confirms, as I head off towards the pit to start my shift and hopefully enlist recruits.

The day seems to drag by slowly, a few traumas come in, but it isn’t crazy today. I think the reason time seems to be passing so slowly, is because I keep checking the clock to see what time it is relation to my PLANS-TO-IMPROVE-AMELIA’S-SITUATION meeting. Currently I am in trying to pass time and eat some food in the cafeteria. I haven’t seen Amelia all day, but she had two scheduled surgeries, so that is not a surprise, although I wonder if she has eaten today.

The concerned part of my brain begins to take over, and I debate whether I should go get Amelia some food, just in case she hasn’t eaten. However, before I can get back in the cafeteria food line, my pager starts to beep at me. I groan, when I see the message from the chief: ‘My office. Now.’ I instantly know it isn’t anything I have done, not to sound cocky, I just know that Amelia has been butting heads with everyone, that includes nurses, daycare workers, residents, attendings, school teachers and even the chief.

I grab my lab coat off the cafeteria chair, and head towards the chief’s office. I make the familiar trek, which lately I have found myself doing at least once a week. I knock on Bailey’s door before promptly letting myself in. Bailey is pacing her office and upon seeing me she turns to face me, I can tell by the look on her face that this was a bad one.

“I thought I told you to do something. This can’t go on, Hunt.” Bailey starts out, I don’t know exactly what Amelia did or said to get the chief this fired up, but whatever it was, it was BAD. Bailey is trying to be calm, she knows it isn’t really my fault, but in a small way I guess it is.

I try to cut in, “Well… that isn’t exactly –” but I am cut short.

“No, I told you to figure something out over a month ago. And you haven’t and now, Shepherd is… well to put it bluntly she is like a wreaking ball right now.” She huffs out a breath before continuing, “She is getting worse, Hunt, a fact I am sure you are aware of. And this isn’t just pregnancy hormones and mood swings. I’ve never seen her like this, except maybe right before she had her tumor removed… She is mad at the world and is taking it out on anyone and everyone.”

I silently nod my head in understandance. I know the main reason Bailey called me in here was so she could vent, and probably hoping to find out that I was at least trying to do something. She could have called Amelia into her office, but since two weeks ago when she did that, and Amelia bit her head off, Amelia’s mood towards the chief or really anyone who tried to be rational with her, had only gotten worse. So, lately instead of Amelia, herself, being reprimanded for her behavior, I was.

“Hunt, if this continues I will have no choice but to put her on suspension until after the baby is born. The only reason I haven’t done so yet, is because I am giving you one last chance, to figure something out. Because I am aware that putting her off work, will be hell for you at home, and possible the kids. So, this is my final warning, figure something out because I am done trying to deal with that rogue wife of yours.” She collapses back in her chair once she finishes, probably relieved to gotten all of that off her chest.

I don’t bother asking what Amelia, did because truthfully it doesn’t matter. What Bailey just informed me of, hits me hard, she is right, if I don’t figure out something and figure it out fast, my life for the foreseeable future is going to be a living hell. “Well I am having a brain storming meeting tonight, with the other attendings, residence, whoever wants to help really. I’m not giving up. We are going to find a solution.” I tell her as I leave her office.

As I walk back towards the pit, my brain is going a hundred miles an hour, I need to figure something out, it is now or never. I’m also considering what Miranda said about Amelia behaving similar to when she had her tumor. She had lashed out at everyone, and was completely unpredictable, it had almost ended us. She had lashed out at me when I was trying to help before, but to be far I basically said something was wrong with her, and most people don’t respond well to that.

What I learned from that experience was that even if I was right, and she was acting out of character, you needed to have a solid game plan in order to help her or even to get her to listen to you. If I was going to propose a solution to our baby-Harper-Avery-problem, it was going to have to be the best possible plan ever.

The pit was fairly calm when I got down there, I decided to use the rare calm time to catch up on some paperwork. My work was interruputed a little while later by Kepner, she had an alarmed look on her face, which, concerned me. “Wh—” I begin to ask, however, Kepner jumps in before I can even ask ‘what is wrong’.

“Your wife is looking for you. And you may want to hide, because she seriously looks like she is going to kill you.” Kepner warns the alarmed look never leaving her face. The whole hospital had recently begun referring to Amelia as ‘MY WIFE’ or ‘YOUR WIFE’ which probably only added fuel to the fire that was Amelia. As she has always hated being referred to in that manner, even before I met her, I think it steamed from her childhood and always being compared to her sisters and brother.

It is not a normal thing for people to refer to her as, ‘My wife’ normally she was highly respected. The norm had disappeared with this pregnancy however, her complete mood switch had caused everyone either scared of her, or they wanted nothing to do with her, hence the term ‘your wife’ being used regularly.

I don’t even get a chance to ask April, why Amelia is looking for me, before I lay eyes on my wife. One look at her confirms April’s information, Amelia undeniably looks like she is ready to kill someone, and when her eyes land on me, I instantly know I am that person. April quickly wishes me good luck, before slinking off, far away from my tiny, anger filled, pregnant wife.

As she approaches me I decide to deal with Amelia by being, charming and innocent, partly because right now, I am not entirely sure what has her so angry at me. “Hi, honey. You look beautiful.” I say in my best charming matter, hoping my face doesn’t portray any fear. Amelia might be tiny, but she is scary when she is angry, especially when it is this uncontrollable, highly focused kind of angry.

Completely ignoring my greeting, she utters, “You are planning a meeting to ‘deal with me’” she adds hand quotations for emphasises. I gulp in response, unsure of how to respond, on one hand I don’t want to lie to her, on the other hand, she clearly is not happy about me organizing a meeting to gain possible insight on what I could do to help.

I run a hand through my hair before opening my mouth attempting to explain, “Yes and no. Yes, I am planning a meeting, but no it is not to ‘deal with you’. I start off, testing the waters to see if she is going to allow me to explain.

“Really?” She says sounding very unconvinced by my words, “If that is true, what is this meeting about? And why wasn’t I invited?” She challengingly questions me, still not believing what I am saying.

I sigh, realizing I have no choice but to tell her the truth, right now. But the thing is, I know she isn’t going to respond well to my attempt to be able to help her. I also know though, if I don’t tell her she will just get even madder at me.

But thankfully before I can divulge my plan to her, her pager goes off, 911. I smile internally, thanking the universe, that just saved my ass. She looks at me, as if to say, ‘we aren’t done this conversation, but I really have to go.’ I lean down a plant a short kiss on her lips and say, “We will continue this later.” I can’t help but being reminded of all those years ago; when we were in an on-call room and so close to having our first time, only to be interrupted by my pager and for me to say those exact words to her.

“We better!” She says to me as she walks away, seeming in a slightly better mood then moments before, maybe me promising to talk about this conversation, that was clearly enraging her, was a good move.

#omelia fanfic #omelia #amelia shepherd #owen hunt #april kepner #omelia fanfiction #miranda bailey #part 5

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himbo-buckley · 4 years

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INTIMACY, SEX AND BUDDIE (BETTER KNOWN AS I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THIS SHOW, SOME OF WHICH ARE RELATED TO THE BEFORE MENTIONED TOPICS) - Part 3

Well, hello there (again)!

 I got to say, this was both my favourite and least favourite part to write because by now all my theories are (hopefully) explained enough that I can just ramble about the characters and connections and ya’ll will forgive me if I stray away from what’s actually happening in this episode. Which I will do. A lot actually.

On the other hand side I have so many thoughts about what’s happening and this is gonna be long af as I started writing on part three at the same time as I wrote part 1 and 2 and I barely found things to cut, which means we are clocking in at a casual 7700 words. So maybe get that drink now, cause it’ll be a ride!

Also the links to part one and part two

And look, by now you probably know the drill but I’m just gonna give you my preface again:

This Meta will so far have FOUR parts now. The original plan was to do three, one for each Season and is organised by episode so you could technically follow along, but due to personal reasons, also known as *feelings*, Season 3 has already exploded disproportionately and for readability reasons I have split it in two (this is part three, the cut will happen after Christmas, it works storyline-wise)

And now, for our next instalment of I read too much into things: Season 3A (also called: „Eddie Diaz, stop being such a boy scout (Wait, no, not like that!)“)

Episode 3.01:

911 as a show has a fairly interesting way of storytelling where it sometimes feels a little like they cut together snapshots of lives in regards to certain topics. And because of that you only ever see a small part of the lives of the characters. That being said: I hate hate hate how 5 months passed between the Season 2 final and the first episode of Season 3 and aside from a few offhand remarks we get virtually nothing. Also it’s very unrealistic that Bobby and Athena didn’t have any parties for 5 months, like nope, I don’t believe you show!

That being said, I appreciate how much time it took Buck to heal because it’s realistic! And also most importantly gets Oliver Stark a chance to truly shine!

I wanna take this chance real quick, to thank the producers and writer both for writing Evan Buckley the way they write him and for casting Oliver Stark to play him because omg, it works so well! Look, Oliver Stark is attractive. He is buff and handsome, but he is not perfect. He is Tinder-buff, not MCU-I haven’t seen a drop of water in a month-buff, he’s the kind of fit that will fill the whole screen one minute and make you say „Wait, I thought he was wider than this!“ the next (you know how everyone always talks about the hips to shoulder ration of Chris Evans? Yeah, the opposite of that) . And he has a really pretty face but his nose is a little too cocked and he has scars and there’s the „adorable facemark“ and he seems so damn dorky which is exactly why Evan „Buck“ Buckley works, why he is hot. And he gets to be emotional and sensitive and caring on top of that and yeah, I don’t know if I wanna be him or date him anymore either. Like he singlehandedly made me rethink my view on dating, just because I am hoping for someone like him.

Anyways, that’s probably something none of you wanted to read about in a META so we’ll get to the juicy stuff now, alright?

One thing that I realised as I watched season 3 for the third time just now is how often it repeats itself. It feels a bit stagnant at times, the way the characters make two steps forward and one step back all the time, most notably in Bobby.

I wanna talk about Bobby for once because you can not look at Buck in Season 3 without looking at Bobby as well. These two characters are connected the same way Buck is connected to Eddie. Most things Buck does character wise in Season 3 are caused by Bobby’s actions, in the same way most of Eddie’s are caused by Buck.

And the thing that 3.01 tells us from the get go? Bobby thinks of Buck as somewhat of a son (which we knew already) and Bobby sees himself in Buck, which is why he does what he probably hoped someone would have done for him the 10 or something years ago when he hurt is back and holds him back. There is also the fact that he tries to teach Buck to have a life outside the firehouse, though that is something he probably should at some point in the near future actually voice to Buck, because Buck on his own can not draw these conclusions from Bobby’s actions. Buck on his own thinks it’s about him not being good enough and so he works himself to the bone to try and proof otherwise. (Someone please just finally tell him what a good boy he is? Yeah?)

As for the scene during the party, you could actually see how much Buck had to force himself to be that open and that vulnerable with Bobby (and not just because he is *literally* having an embolism) and that hurts because to this day Buck has not realised that Bobby will always be there to catch him. Buck still thinks he needs to proof himself to Bobby because of his firing in Season 1. And would you believe I actually cried a little typing these words?

And now I’m gonna talk about my agenda, also known as Buddie real quick, and point you toward the fact that while we have seen Eddie be vulnerable with Buck and Buck be vulnerable with everyone else we have not seen Buck be audibly vulnerable with Eddie and I do not think this is a coincident at all.

Look, Eddie is a guarded guy, right? He has a hard time being vulnerable, a hard time asking for help, a hard time giving up control. But he does all these things with Buck and he does them willingly and with barely an outside push, which is different to say with Bobby. Eddie let’s himself fall with Buck and by doing so raises Buck’s self worth and gives him the feeling of being in control Buck craves so much (while Eddie sort of despises it because he feels like he always has to be the one in control), but it also means that Buck is afraid to let himself fall with Eddie because it might mean Eddie won’t trust him again. Buck generally is a very emotional guy and he doesn’t seem afraid to voice his weaknesses, in fact he is probably too aware of them and too willing to let others poke at them, except with Eddie. With Eddie Buck always tries for strong, because he knows Eddie needs him to be and because he thinks, if he’s not, Eddie will see what everyone else saw and leave him. On Eddie’s side I do think by now he is more than willing to catch Buck and still let himself be caught in return. At least at this point.

(also, if we do ever get Buddie I could see a reverse of the Shannon-Eddie situation happening where Eddie is the one being open and Buck has a hard time being emotionally vulnerable, afraid it’ll scare Eddie off and he’ll leave like everyone else.)

But then, one could also point out that Eddie probably knows all the things going on with Buck anyways because I truly think they know each other inside out and are two feathers of the same bird and same recognises same and all that - it’s just that Buck is someone who needs to actually voice his feelings to deal with them, so unless he voices his vulnerabilities to Eddie, for him, the other guy doesn’t know them. (Except Eddie does know.) (and man, I wish the rest of the 911 would finally figure out that with Buck you always - always - have to say things! You can’t just imply. You can’t think your actions speak loud enough. You need to actually use your words and do so in a way that leaves no doubt because that boy thinks so little of himself and he will make himself doubt every nice thing that ever happens to him.)

Now, moving back to what’s actually happening in the episode and why all of this is important:

We have the very important talk in the Station were text points out some of the things I just said and Eddie realises that he needs to do better, so he pulls a Buck and steamrolls him. (also do we truly believe that Carla was out of the country? Do we? Do we not think Eddie spent the whole ride over coaching his son on lying to his best friend because Eddie is just like that?)

Also I love how before this Maddie is talking to Josh and she says something along the lines of wether she should push Buck or coddle him and it cuts to Eddie trying the first.

On Eddie’s side of this meta we somewhat learn where Eddie’s issues stem from and it’s of course Daddy issues because this show loves them very much. (Seriously, out of 5 firefighters 3 have confirmed absent fathers causing issues and one has it heavily implied. Tim Minear, do you wanna talk?)

Also, Ramon Diaz probably threw in a „real men don’t cry“ with his macho speech about just brushing shit off and thereby emotionally crippling his child further, because he seems cliche like that.

Sidenote: The Buck and Christopher relationship is so beautiful and important and „Some cool outfits, too.“ is one of my favourite lines, though I do have to say - as someone who works professionally with kids - that this is what really shows how much Eddie truly thinks of Buck and how much he trusts him because it’s safe to assume that Buck has never been alone with Christopher or any child for longer and has never had to take care of one by himself and yet Eddie just trusts him to take care of his son for what is probably a 24h shift. Truly magnificent. An unparalleled relationship. So meaningful.

Episode 3.02:

No actual relevance but I do wanna point out that the thing about the mom being the love of boat guys life but her son being her’s? Yeah, that’s Eddie (and Buck).

Also, Buck’s just a natural at being a dad (not because of the fun stuff but the stuff when he knew exactly how to distract Christopher when those bodies floated by) and at some point I need Eddie to point this out to him and I need him to voice his jealousy about it, because Eddie? Not a natural dad.

(I actually think that is something that is true about a lot of things for these two. I mean yes, Buck is a hard worker but I think only in areas he is already naturally gifted (remember that whole thing with the Seals? “You just have to be badass, which I am?”) and he generally doesn’t try if things don’t come naturally because Buck hates failure because Buck already feels like a failure. Meanwhile Eddie seems like the kind of guy who has this huge capacity for learning, so even if something doesn’t come naturally to him (like fatherhood) he has the determination and willingness to try and try again until he finally gets it right and is perfect because Eddie, too, hates failure.) (And now I wanna see more about their childhoods because I could actually see Buck be somewhat of a gifted child in his youth who never learned how to actually apply himself and because of that has always been told he had so much wasted potential while Eddie was either an overarchiver or a slacker, I’m sorry I don’t make the rules. Or maybe I am projecting.)

Episode 3.03:

I read somewhere on tumblr that Ryan Guzman and his wife thought Eddie and Lena would be a thing and where actually on board and I was like? No?

I mean I do love the way she takes one look at him and decides he needs his ego checked (and also Eddie is like: ui, me like-y! (maybe because he misses another person that used to be an asshole to him right off the bat?)).

Also love all the references to Eddie being in the army („The 118 is huffing it“-scene comes to mind). Again, kudos to Ryan Guzman for always acting with all his body, because you can always feel the army training in his posture like the way he usually stands just a little bit straighter than everyone else (well, at least that’s what it looks like to me, someone who has not been in the Army and knows only like two people that got drafted and no one who went willingly, because my country generally doesn’t do that these days ).

As for what is happening in the episode, I think it’s a reference to Shannon that Eddie dealt with that couple that, despite loving each other a lot and getting along fairly well, decided to get divorced. Which is what 911 should have done with Shannon. (Me being salty about Shannon? It’s more likely than you think.)

I also think it’s a nice parallel the way both Lena and Buck are so desperate to search for their missing loved one with no regard for their own safety and I’m assuming Eddie saw Buck in Lena’s actions as well, which is why he trusts her so fast. (Because Eddie just like Buck is looking for connection and intimacy but Eddie is even worse at creating it than Buck, so he just tries to recreate the one working bond he truly has.) (Something actually proven in text by Eddie: becoming a firefighter because he misses the army.)

And I know everyone and their mother has already pointed out how Eddie was not worried about Chris at all because his son was with Buck and he knows Buck would never let anything bad happen to his son ever.

Which is why *that* scene is even more heartbreaking, because Eddie has so much trust in his Buck and kudos to Ryan Guzman because man, the way you see Eddie steel himself for what Buck is saying? The way you can feel him pulling himself together because Buck needs him to hear this. (Look, the scene is about a father learning from the person he trusts most in the world that his son might be dead and they could have easily forshadowed Eddie’s fighting ark by having him react negatively and violently here but instead he stays calm because it’s Buck and Buck for once needs him to be the one in control - also, on a less ship-y note because Eddie’s world is falling apart right there and he needs to keep in control because if he doesn’t, he will probably never be again.)

Which brings us to that scene in the loft, and listen, I know I said at the end of part 2 Eddie barely had any character development in the two seasons since we met him, but uhm, this scene? Proves he had some development, because right then right there he is so fucking vulnerable with Buck. It is of course part of him being a protector because just like with Shannon in 2.04 he realises that this is was Buck needs him to be right now, so vulnerable it is.

I do think however that it’s beautiful how Eddie apparently took the time during a fucking natural disaster to figure out that Evan Buckley needs him to use his actual words, so use his actual words he does.

And I do wanna point out that this is something he never had with Shannon, Eddie was never able to figure out what is wife of what? 7-8 years needed of him but he does know what his best friends needs. And wether that is just Buddie or just plain old character development, remains to be seen.

(Though we should mention that it wasn’t a permanent thing, Eddie does fail Buck a few times in Season 3 (but he also doesn’t a few other times) but we’ll get to that when we get to that!)

Also, honourable mention to Maddie Buckley-Kendall for getting that phone call and probably nearly dying of a heart attack and then having to race to the VA thinking the worst and probably imagining her very selfless brother either being already gone by the time she gets there or close to dead - only to probably arrive there and see Christopher in a bed with Eddie sitting next to him and Buck sitting vigil a few feet away because he doesn’t think he deserves to be with the Diaz’s anymore but he also can’t bear to part from them!

And another mention to the poor stranger who probably never got their phone back.

Also a teeny bit mad they forgot to give Oliver scars on his legs.

Episode 3.04

First of all I gotta say Eddie is such a boy scout goody two shoes with his whole „Well, it’s mandated!“ (also he’s been probably hanging out with Buck a buncha times in whatever many weeks passed since the Tsunami and therefore knew how hard his best friend worked on this and he’s gonna be supportive, kay?)

That being said, remember when I talked about two steps forward, one step back? Yeah, that.

As for the lawsuit, look, we could argue all day on wether it was justified or not, but I personally do think Buck had a basis. But he was also acting rash and hadn’t thought all the implications through and should have used his words instead, but quick reminder: Buck has severe abandonment issues and he has problems with emotional intimacy - so the whole talking about it? Not that easy.

Also, imagine working for months to come back to work, the one thing you think you’re good at and thinking you have everyone’s support only to find out the person you love like a father has betrayed you, probably with the knowledge of everyone else. Yeah, you’d lash out too!

Even though, I have to point out it’s not his normal MO (which is why we see him regret it almost immediately in the next episode).

As for Eddie in this episode, he has not one, not two, not three, but four whole conversations about feelings! You go buddy-boy. Embrace that character development! Don’t take a step back! … or, nevermind, we all know what happens next.

That being said I think it’s interesting that while Chimney clearly confides in him, Eddie does not confide in him in return but rather talks to female!Buck. I mean, talking about his struggles with his son and his family worked with him and Buck so why not with him and Lena (cause Lena isn’t Buck).

I do think Eddie and Chimney are close, but Eddie just doesn’t feel the same connection to him as he feels to Buck.

As for Eddie being so beautifully open and vulnerable with his son and saying like the exact opposite of what he had been taught: Eddie loves his son. He loves his son more than anything in the world. And if Eddie can’t let himself be vulnerable with him, who can he be vulnerable with? Especially when it helps Christopher.

(Also, Eddie by now recognises what is wrong with him, he just doesn’t think he can change it but he can prevent it from happening to his child.)

Episode 3.05:

This episode has a lot of shit happening and I have a lot of thoughts, most of which are relevant to the episode. But we’re gonna start slow, ease you in:

Boy do I love overprotective Dad!Eddie! How long do you think did it took Carla and Christopher to convince Eddie to let Chris sleep over at his friends? A month?

In other news Buck is just the picture of regret during the deposition and yeah, he should be. The whole thing is harsh. Never sue your friends, no matter how justified, if you want them to stay your friends! But it’s so obvious Buck didn’t know it was gonna go down this way because he did not think this through at all.

First off: Remember how in part 2 I said Buck and Eddie’s storylines were connected and how earlier I said Buck was the catalyst for Eddie like Bobby was for Buck?

Yeah, that’s the episode for all of this.

It’s not as obvious as in Season 2 because usually it happens over two episodes but it’s no coincident that after last episode Bobby triggered that shift in Buck, Eddie is now suddenly careering out of control as well - it’s because Buck is his catalyst, his *trigger*.

Please watch 3.04 and 3.05 back to back and tell me Eddie doesn’t make a 180 between those episodes. He goes from worried about his son to punching people in parking lots. What changed? Well, he could no longer talk to Buck. And Buck is his anker and his catalyst, the one person he doesn’t have to be in control with (which he really could use considering what he is going through with Christopher). And when you take that away he spirals. (Also there is the deposition where his best friend betrays him by talking about his dead for less than a year - wife, a topic Eddie has been avoiding in regards to his feelings since … well, the day it happened, probably.)

And I’m not saying the whole street fighting thing wouldn’t have happened if Eddie wasn’t such a boy scout and said, screw the chain of command and just called Buck to bail him out, but that’s what I’m implieing.

Also the scene between Eddie and Lena, I mean, I’ve already talked about it somewhere else but I do wanna point you to the way it is phrased: Eddie „wasn’t allowed“ to call Buck. Meaning he wanted to. But you know: Boy Scout.

Now, let’s talk about the grocery store fight because I have so many thoughts!

And what I love about these two episodes, as well as the next one, is that they show both the connection Buddie has as well as the contrasts between them:

One of the biggest differences in Buddie is how they deal with fear and obstacles and it is visible throughout all their lives and specifically these three episodes.

Evan Buckley is a force of nature, he is a fighter, he sets a goal and he reaches this goal with a single minded focus, steamrolling through everything in his way until he reaches said goal. Just look at the lawsuit and remember how his original plan was to get everyone to sign a letter of support for him.

When something frightens him, Buck doesn’t run away he runs right into it, tries to destroy it or be destroyed. He fights. And if that doesn’t work, he finds a way around the problem, but always going head to head with the thing because Evan Buckley is very determined and very self destructive.

Just look at the way he held onto Abby for nearly a year after she had left: Instead of dealing with his feelings of abandonment and the fact that the woman he loved left him, that boy dug his heel in and fought tooth and nail to keep what little he had left of her, of them. Refused to acknowledge being left for months. And when he finally leaves he literally compares himself to a ghost, because you know, he is just an empty shell at this point.

It’s also why he falls so hard for Ali because he is just desperately looking for something to cling to and so he transfers all those un-dealt feelings onto her and then he get’s hurt and his problems become bigger and different and Ali can’t deal - not surprising considering they had barely a foundation. They just went from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds and that just never works out, unless you’re in a very expensive sports car.

I also truly think at times Buck hides behind the loud mouthed, dumb adrenaline junkie persona he got going on as it keeps people from looking deeper, because Buck is very scared they won‘t find anything deeper - or worse, decide they don’t like what they see (and hey, he even got that confirmed by Ali leaving! and Abby! AND MOST IMPORTANTLY MADDIE!).

(Which, to push an agenda real quick, is why I ship Buddie so hard? Because they do have a foundation, they have been emotionally intimate with each other, they’ve seen the worst of each other and still went: I’m gonna have your back. And they have pulled a lot of shit on each other in the two years since meeting! Like, I’m sorry 911, I love you, but please never try and tell me they will have a deeper connection with anyone but each other because it’ll be a damn lie and you know it! If you don’t wanna do Buddie, let those boys get emotionally healthy and THEN give them an endgame but don’t try and replace Buddie with Loveinterests. I’m serious. I might stop watching!)

Eddie meanwhile is much more open with his feelings in the sense that he is less open in general so it’s far more noticeable when something is bothering him *because* he is subtle about it. Because Buck is so loud and so open and all about what you see is what you get, you don‘t assume he is hiding anything because you already see everything, right? (Always hide the real shit in plain sight, you guys, that‘s where no one remembers to look!) But Eddie, Eddie keeps his cards close. Sure he is funny and nice but he is also fucking reserved! And when something bothers him he draws into himself even more and that’s something that shows, that people will take notice of.

Eddies reaction to bad things (also known as *feelings*, because that boy is fucking repressed) happening is running away. And I am not saying he is a coward, I am saying he probably thinks he is and I am saying he runs away from his problems - that’s what 3.15 was about for Eddie: embracing his family (his vulnerabilities) and from what I‘ve seen in the last few days floating around in spoiler *now* Eddie has to learn to face his problems and not run away.

Which will be hard because Eddie deflects a lot.

It‘s funny (in a way that is not funny) that Buck, the fighter, is like the least aggressive guy around while Eddie, Mr quiet and reserved, who is all about running away from his problems, is so physically aggressive - except it is not and makes a lot of sense.

Season 3 truly shows how they deal with problems and I love it, I love them and this show so much!

Because Buck deals with the bombing by working tirelessly to come back to work, he deals with losing Christopher by nearly killing himself trying to find him and he deals with his fear of being replaced by filing the lawsuit to get his job back - which is also why I have to agree with Eddie: Buck truly has a one track mind. He sees the problem and nothing else. That makes him an amazing firefighter but an exhausting guy to be around because he does not give up.

I think in canon we only ever see Buck give up twice, maybe three times once with Abby and once with Christopher, both times he nearly killed himself first. (And one could argue that neither of these times he actually gave up, he was just out of options and time.) Tbh the only actual time he gave up was with Ali and that was probably his one track mind just not having any capacity to deal with a girlfriend on top of everything.

Eddie meanwhile deals with his wife dying and his best friend nearly dying twice and his son being traumatised and his best friend not being allowed back to work and his best friend filing that lawsuit by ... not dealing with it. He just moves on. Runs away from his feelings and his pain by fighting. He can’t deal with - can’t fight - his actual feelings so he fights something else. He lashes out. Becomes feral. That’s literally the gist of this episodes voiceover!

So tbh as much as I like that they resolved that lawsuit within one episode I am a bit bummed that we hardly saw anything of the 118 and especially Eddie without Buck there (specifically during his fighting time) mainly because I think we would have seen Hen and Chimney with Cap and Eddie maybe with Lena but generally keeping his distance, hiding away from them. (I don’t think Eddie just brushing past Buck in 3.06 was just about Buck.)

I truly meant what I said about 2.01 and Eddie taking one look at Buck being an asshole and deciding this one is gonna be his friend. Because while Hen and Chimney have been nice and friendly with him from the get go, they never give him shit the same way they give each other or Cap or Buck, and Eddie needs that. He needs someone who isn’t afraid to call him out and push back, both to get Eddie out of his own head and to make him feel comfortable enough to do the same. Which is why he bonded so fast with Buck and Lena (also, would he have bonded with her like that if Buck had been there? Probably not. Eddie is like the definition of „I only have the emotional capacity to care about three people at a time and two of them are my son“), because both held him accountable for his shit, which no one else on the show does, specifically not Hen and Chimney who treat Eddie as the guy who is good at most things so they just overlook the shitty stuff. And Cap does the same, because Eddie has a lot on his plate and Cap understands his issues better than anyone else’s.

Ya‘ll just need to watch the supermarket scene! It‘s all there!

Buck is in the store trying to create a moment so he can talk to all of them (meaning he is pushing, leaning into the problem until it gives), tries to make the problem go away by apologising (remember what I said about trying another way? Working hard didn’t work. Accepting his predicament didn‘t work. The lawsuit didn’t work. So now he tries talking it out - which he should have done to begin with, but hey, I’m not his therapist (sadly)) (It’s too bad it only worked to a certain level as we saw in the next episode but oh well, that’s actually realistic.)

Meanwhile Eddie has none of it because Eddie is currently running away from his problems so he can’t have his problem stand in front of him buying cat laxatives. So Eddie goes feral, and makes it all about Buck and his mistakes and then throws Christopher under the bus because that man is fighting for his life and he has nothing left to loose!!! I truly love this scene so much, you guys. It’s so revealing about these characters.

(I also shouldn’t have to point out that most of the stuff Eddie said to Buck was about Shannon, right? He was saying the things he was feeling about Shannon and he was throwing them at Buck because Buck was the one who brought it up, but also … look, it’s just ship-y from here all right?)

As for what I said about Hen, Bobby and Chimney in regards to Eddie? I know Chimney made some remarks but come on! Had it been any of them or Buck who yelled at someone like that they would have all interrupted and tried to diffuse the situation. But because it’s Eddie they sort of let it happen. (Also tbh because it’s Eddie and Buck and everyone is a little mad at Buck but they are something different to each other.)

Also, not to push my agenda, can we just talk about how comfortable Eddie has to be with the 118 but especially Buck, how much he has to care, to scream at him like that? Because he is reserved and he always tries to let go of his feelings and he hides so much. And I know part of it is that Eddie is coiled too tight already and about to burst but it’s also about Buck and the fact that Eddie expected better from him because Eddie has such a high opinion of him. Like sure he gives him shit sometimes but I think it’s because Eddie always expects the most of Buck (and Buck rarely lets him down). (And now I did go all ship-y)

Just compare this with his relationship with Shannon: with Shannon Eddie always is the one to make decisions, in part because he believes that’s what a man should do but also in part because he doesn’t trust her - and that was even before she left. Eddie trusts no one but himself for the most part but he does trust Buck, because to Eddie Buck can hardly do wrong. Which is why the whole law suit probably hit him so hard cause he expects everyone to let him down all the time but Evan Buckley? The guy he trust with his son more than anyone else? That guy? He expected better off! And that my friends is beautiful.

As for the voiceover it does poise one very central question for Eddie’s character: If he gives up control, will he be able to regain it? Because that is Eddie’s biggest fear and why he always holds everything so tight: he thinks if he lets the floodgates open once, he’ll never be able to close them.

In other news: Ryan took his shirt off.

Episode 3.06:

Before I write another 2400 words about our boys, I wanna remind you of that scene of Bobby, Chimney and Eddie wearing sun glasses, with Hen wearing her normal glasses, standing round, looking like an album cover! *plays „Clique“ by Kanye West, Jay-Z, Big Sean*

Do you think Athena and Hen talked about Bobby and how he would / does handle Buck? They did, didn’t they?

Also love how Hen and Chimney are super welcoming because one, they know what it’s like to be the odd one out and two, they love Buck and actually see his point of view. I believe. Now if only someone would remember to tell him.

Like, come on, they probably sit in the ambulance gossiping all the time!

I really love that we saw some bonding between Buck and Hen and Buck and Chimney in this episode because as much as I love Buddie we do not see enough of those combos (we don’t see enough of Buddie either).

Also the whole two steps forward, one step back? That is Bobby in this episode.

Now, we have to talk about the apology scene because this is Buck, expressing himself, being vulnerable. I love this episode a lot especially in regards to this Meta because here we see all the things I explained for the last episode: Buck is expressing, trying his best to make the problem go away while Eddie avoids it.

Also, you know, there is the whole illegal fighting thing that is visible on Eddie and look, if you did something like that would you willingly spent time with the one person who will call you out on it or will you avoid him like the plague? Especially if the last time you saw him you were screaming bloody murder at him in the middle of a grocery store! And the next time you see him he calls you out for your bruising. Yeah, guys, that’s just realistic.

Also bit of a reach, but the reason this is part of my discussion of 3.06 and not 3.05, which is Eddie’s relationship to Buck. Remember how 3.03 ended? That beautiful moment that made Oliver Stark cry on Instagram live? Remember how Eddie said „It’s his turn to save you now.“? Yeah, what happened to that?

Okay, Eddie is not an expressive guy. He is bad with feelings. He hates having them. And here comes Evan „Buck“ Buckley and he is just the polar opposite. Sure, he’d rather not talk about his feelings either but he has a lot of them and he *likes* having all of them and he wallows in them and that is probably a lot for a guy like Eddie to deal with. Especially when I do think Eddie understands somewhat where Buck came from and he probably feels guilty af about making Buck feel like he was being replaced. About not seeing the pain Buck was in. About not being there for him - which is why he lashes out, because guilt can make the healthiest people do horrible shit and Eddie is far from any definition of healthy at that point.

But I do have to say I am reaching with this and if I ever meet Tim Minear I will have him explain the fight scene and the apology scene to me word for word because it has to be deeper, right?

It can’t just be Eddie lashing out, and saying exactly the things he knows will hurt Buck because he is mad mad mad? Yeah, I know, whatever.

(Because even if that is the case? This is still the scene where a guy uses his best friend as a substitute to get his anger for his dead wife out in a somewhat healthy manner.)

Which is why I love both these scenes immensely, because it shows exactly how differently Eddie and Buck deal with things, because Eddie avoids them or gets mad and screams at them while Buck, actually does something fairly healthy and try to talk it out - but like only as his last option. He tries anything but talking before that, except with Eddie because they are connected and he finally *finally* lets himself be emotionally vulnerable with Eddie.

Which is also why the apology scene is so important to me, despite thinking while a bit rash, Buck wasn’t exactly wrong in his actions. I would have hated if they just brushed the grocery store over or made it about Eddie and the issues he had at the time. Instead they gave us this beautiful scene where Buck finally - FINALLY - gets to explain himself to someone, especially Eddie, the guy who he hurt the most because Buck is his anchor, and Eddie actually listens and then he gets it and he is like, oh, I wasn’t wrong! He really deserves all my trust!

So you know, that’s just beautiful, wether it’s platonic or romantic.

Episode 3.07: no relevance

Episode 3.08:

I wanna say something right of the bat that is probably controversial as hell:

Eddie did not want to share with Bobby. Eddie likes Bobby, he trusts Bobby, but he wasn’t really feeling like sharing with Bobby.

The reason Eddie talked with Bobby about all of this? Well, first of all it was bound to happen, sometimes things need to be said and then it doesn’t really matter who you’re talking to.

Also Eddie? Boy Scout. Army man. Chain of Command. If your superior officer tells you to share - you share! There. I said it. (This is not a Bobby Nash - stan account)

Also: „A friend of mine told me I needed an outlet - think I found it.“ - no, you didn’t Buddy boy, it’s why I’m currently 10.000 words into an episode by episode analysis of your character! (can you tell I am slowly going off the rails with this?)

But I do love how we finally got to see sassy!Eddie again. I missed you, babe!

As for the kitchen scene and the look, yes, I know, Maddie was looking at them like that because she just called them out about gossiping and they turned around and gossiped, buuuut … ya’ll also realise that Chimney was apparently *not* aware that anything was wrong with Eddie when Eddie had been acting weird way longer then Hen. He nearly punched Buck in a grocery store, he comes in with new bruises like 3 times a week but sure mate, he is all normal! (Or you know, Buck is just hyperfocused on Eddie)

One thing that freaks me out every time I watch this episode is how completely fucking nonchalant Eddie seems by the fact that he nearly fucking killed a guy. To quote Lena Bosko, professional plot pusher: „What the hell, Eddie?“

And then of course 3.15 happened and we saw Eddie shoot multiple people, so he probably learned how to compartmentalise and I guess I need to remember this is a TV show and no one actually died. But wow, I really need this addressed more because I have such mixed feelings about this.

And with regards to this I wanna say something even more controversial: Eddie got off easy. Yes, the guy willingly went into that ring but Eddie nearly killed him and all Bobby wanted to talk about was why Eddie was fighting? Again: What the hell?

Another thing this episode firmly proofs is that Lena is really just a poor substitute for Buck because Eddie doesn’t actually know anything about her, he just uses her as a sounding board because, well, Buck wasn’t there and he was lonely?

As for the actual conversation happening, yes, there we have it, in plain sight, Eddie needs to be in control because he thinks this is what Christopher needs him to be and as I’ve said before Eddie will always do anything for Christopher, even if he hurts himself in the process.

Also, remember when Lena told him he needed to show and tell his son how he felt so Christopher knows it’s okay to feel that way as well? Clearly didn’t stick of he would not feel this intense need to be in control. Which is realistic, you don’t just unlearn behaviour you had for like 30 years just because someone gives you some good advice once! (Man, my life could be so different!)

I’m also not a fan of Bobby’s „She died.“ because while yes, it wasn’t her fault that she left this time, grief isn’t rational. And even without the looming divorce Eddie has every right to be upset and to be angry at the world, and yes, even his dead wife. She’s dead. It doesn’t hurt her anymore. (Although that would be one feeling he should probably keep from Christopher.)

Not to mention Eddie feels guilty as hell. His anger? Mostly at himself. The sentence “I broke his mother”? Broke me as well.

But I also understand Eddie because while he may be grieving, his son is clearly traumatised by the whole situation, as seen in 3.04, and Eddie is trying his best and look, his outlet wasn’t the healthiest but um, at least he realised he needed one? He addressed that? That’s growth (sorta).

Amount of shirtless!Eddie scenes: 2, which feels a bit like overkill for one episode (pace yourself, Tim, this isn’t Game of Thrones)

Episode 3.09:

Frank! My main man Frank! Ui, I love him! When Tim calls me to come consult for Season 4 because clearly by now I am an expert on his characters and the way they should act, I will tell him to bring Frank back. I miss Frank. I hope he’s doing okay. He deserves the world. Also really wanna meet Rosemary.

And hey, as someone who has worked in the mental health sector and probably will again come October (if I manage to finish my degree by then, urgh, Corona, you are destroying my thesis!), I love that scene on the sofa so much! All of them openly sharing that they have been in therapy and talking about their therapists and just, uh, that scene makes me all tingly!

Before we get into all the emotional things I’m just gonna add the scene on the sofa to my list of scene I don’t fully understand. Like, what emotion exactly was Eddie supposed to be conveying because to me he sounds angry. And why should Eddie be angry about Buck sleeping with his therapist? What reason could he have?

Okay, yeah, maybe it’s a little exasperation and annoyance because apparently Evan Buckley is just coasting through life and doesn’t even take therapy seriously. Idk. I haven’t read the script.

But it does lead us to Buck giving Eddie shit, because, as I’ve said before, that’s what Buck does.

As for the therapy scene, yay, there is a mention of the nearly dead guy! Who is not dead. Yay!

I do love Eddie’s reasons for going to therapy and really trying, even though he is not clicking with Frank. He is such a good dad! (Also I’ve been debating for like 20 minutes whether Eddie would be more comfortable sharing with a woman or with a man and for some reason (his connection with Buck vs his relationship with Shannon) I think he’d be more comfortable with a man. Idk. I could be wrong. - Also Eddie is probably always uncomfortable talking about his feelings, so there is that!) His reasoning shows also yet again what I said about both Buck and Eddie before: they are protectors. They will make themselves vulnerable to help someone else. It’s a thing.

Also I pulled out my pocket edition of ICD-10 to check and while we don’t have enough information to give a full diagnosis, it’s safe to say that he is supposed to be going through a depressive episode. Because yes, sometimes depressed people aren’t sad, sometimes they are fucking angry.

Now, as for the Evan Buckley of it all and that scene: I read another Meta by someone clearly much better at this than me that stated Eddie uses Sarcasm as a way to deflect, which is exactly what is happening here because Eddie is not as fine with everything that happened as he pretends to be. I think he has just come to the sudden and horrible conclusion that his tipping point has been Buck no longer being in his life and so he decided it was easier to just move on then deal with his feelings (which is what got you into this mess in the first place, Edmundo, so please rethink,) if that means Buck back in his life.

I also think Eddie deflects here because he realises how much what he did and what he said actually hurt Buck in return and Eddie doesn’t fully know how to deal with that. And look, if they actually start discussing their issues then Eddie will have to admit his guilt and Eddie will have to say he’s sorry and right then he is still too pissed to do so, so he decides to move on.

Ah, the wonderful clash of Eddie thinking actions speak louder than words but Buck needing to hear the actual words.

Sidenote: I sent the kitchen scene to my roommate, stopped before they played the video game and asked her what she thinks happened next. And to quote „Love me <3 <3 <3. Please fuck me“ - because yes, she did take one look at them and decide the one with the puppy dog eyes was a bottom. That’s also a quote.

Episode 3.10:

Eddie really is trying so hard to be a good dad, isn’t he?

I also love the little head shake Eddie gives after Chris ask Buck about spending Christmas with him, because he clearly has already talked about the whole thing with Buck. And I’m not gonna talk about the framing. Other’s have done that before and I don’t actually know that much about it in first place.

Also it is cute as all hell that Chris asked Buck in the first place and also heartbreaking.

Other than that this episode doesn’t have that much of a relevance for this meta, because if I have to start discussing Buck’s other issues as well this will never be done.

Before I let you go, I wanna say something real quick:

In the past few days there have been several posts about content creators and liking vs commenting / reblogging on my dash and I just wanna say this is true for meta writers as well! Look, I love everyone who likes this because validation, but I’m not actually writing this meta for myself, I’m writing this because I have thoughts and I wanna share them with the rest of the class and have the class discuss it with me!

So please, reblog this and comment under or in the tags or come to my ask or my messages, even if it’s only to tell me that my punctuation is shit!

Anyways, @angelcamael and @greyhello here’s part 3!

#buck meta #eddie meta #buddie meta #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck #buddie #911 meta #911 #911 fox #textpost #mine #meta #season 3 #my meta

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