#so yeah stop wanting everything to have an Outcome and Serve a Purpose and enjoy things in life in a more hedonistic way

[the-innefable-idiot]

i blame capitalism for people complaining about kinnporsche not having a plot

no i won't elaborate

[escxpedes]

loopholes (cont.)

I literally can’t even begin to tell you how much everyone’s support meant to me on the last chapter. All your comments and tags were so sweet, it was seriously the highlight of my day. I’m sorry for the delay, I meant to get this out a couple of days ago, but I’ve come down with a bad cold. This part, while fun, was so hard to get right. Angus Macgyver is a genius, his mind goes a mile a minute, and I wanted to do my best to replicate that. This part is a little slow in getting to the Macriley stuff, but I wanted to show how much he really thinks about things. He’s such a complex character, that if I didn’t do him justice, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. Also, there’s dialogue in this one! Sadly, Jack isn’t mentioned in this chapter, but he’s there in spirit. Clearly, we all love and miss him. I hope you guys enjoy, the last part will be out soon! x

~

loop·hole

noun | A loophole is an ambiguity or inadequacy in a system, such as a law or security, which can be used to circumvent or otherwise avoid the purpose, implied or explicitly stated, of the system

~

Riley finally moves into her new apartment, but struggles to adjust after the events of Codex and the realization of her feelings for Mac. When Mac finds her passed out over her keyboard after a late night of coding at Phoenix, he decides a talk is long overdue. Just some slightly angsty soft!macriley to help you cope with this season 5 hiatus.

~

of lips that i am yet to kiss (and eyes not met my own.)

It's highly unlikely that you'll find Mac walking down the halls of the Phoenix Foundation so late at night. Without the bustling energy of his coworkers fetching important documents or discussing the best way to break down one of the many mysteries the foundation deals with, the darkened hallways and quiet atmosphere can be unnerving.

Sure, he spends nearly every waking hour employed there, but he'd rather be outside the office in different countries, doing hands-on work and saving lives. When you work in his profession, It can be difficult to separate business and pleasure, but that only makes it more important—if only to conserve what mental health he has left. 

However, in the haste of putting together last-minute preparations for yet another meeting with the Department of Justice and trying to make it back to his house in time for something Desi whipped up, he managed to forget his cellphone.

It's funny, mainly because of how little the small device truly matters to Mac.

It only goes to show how insignificant material objects, or even human beings in general, are. The idea that something so meaningless can affect someone's life so much when, if they just looked past that obsession and considered its part in the profound scope of the universe, another perspective would take shape.

It's fascinating stuff, really.

There's a concept essential to understanding Japanese aesthetics, otherwise known as an ancient set of ideals important to Japanese society, called Yūgen. When applied in the right context, Yūgen underlines this deep awareness of the universe and the experiences we have within it. It's often the feeling interpreted when you gaze at the stars late at night or watch the sunset dip behind a hill.

Mac wouldn't think twice before breaking his phone, or rather, breaking the phone of his nearest friend, open for an obscure part that might make one of his many homemade devices come together. However, when he's the only person able to communicate the scientific specifications of an unheard-of-until-recently base plan for saving the planet, he's practically on call 24/7.

He remembers having it in the labs earlier that day when he stopped by before his meeting to remind Bozer to come by his house on Friday for the team's new weekly attempt in group-bonding.

After the betrayals that surfaced during the climax of taking down Codex, the team collectively decided to spend more time as a group in hopes of eliminating any lingering doubts. 

They used to hang out all the time before the government dismantled the Phoenix Foundation.

Mac still can't believe that, after everything they had been through, he allowed his friendships to dissipate over the year they had been separate.

Bozer is his childhood best friend, and Riley had become a solid foundation in his life. He didn't have anyone outside his team at Phoenix, and while he deeply cared for Desi, their first relationship was proof that too much time—and too little communication—with each other can do severe damage to one's sanity.

If Russ hadn't brought them back together, would they have tried to reconnect at some point?

Mac wants to say they would have but wouldn't blame them if they didn't; they all lost something they cared about, and each served as a constant reminder of it.

It would've been hard, but part of him feels like living without them is a lot harder.

When he manages to access the lab, flipping his shiny new I.D. card over his fingers and into its place in his wallet, his eyes scan the room. It's empty, which isn't unusual at this time, but years of military training have rewired his brain to notify him of threats, even if there aren't any.

Just like he thought it would be, the device sits untouched a few tables behind Bozer's workspace where Mac had been sitting.

Quickly, because he left the house in a hurry and forgot to leave a note, he scoops up his phone and makes his way towards the exit. There's a couple of missed calls, but it doesn't seem like he missed anything too important.

Not that they would let him. 

At any rate, they would probably show up on his doorstep if they couldn't get a hold of him. With days off so few and far between, that's the kind of interaction he's hoping to avoid. Hence, why he came to pick up his phone when he realized it was missing instead of waiting until the next day.

He's nearly made it to the end of the hall when a light flashes in his peripheral vision, coming from the I.T. department.

His body is tense with apprehension; his mind races with several different kinds of possibilities and outcomes. He slows his pace, his movements fluid, silent, and controlled from years of stealth practice.

The light is soft, he notices, as if only one or two monitors are in use.

When he gets to the doorway and nudges open the door, hands at the ready, his entire body sags in relief to see the dark wavy hair he's come to associate with one of his closest friends.

"Riles?"

The nickname falls from his mouth before he can stop it, and even though the light from the monitor creates a halo above her head, shadowing her features, it's unmistakably her.

She doesn't move. 

It becomes abundantly clear why as Mac moves towards her and notices the monitor's screen filling up with a sequence of letters that look nothing like coding despite his lack of knowledge in programming languages.

Her elbow balances precariously on the edge of the table, her arms creating a makeshift pillow for her head. The weight of her forearm bears down on the keyboard, causing the side of her hand to press down multiple keys at once.

He shakes his head a little, amused by the situation unfolding. 

Her cheek rests comfortably on her hand, a serene expression masking the signs of exhaustion that showed on her face.

Mac's lips curved into a soft smile, seeing Riley in any state that wasn't cloaked in layers of worry or anxious determination always washed away any doubts he might have about working in such a stressful field.

The scars that covered his body, the secrets he has to keep, and the pain he has to endure are so unbelievably worth it as long as she out of harm's way and able to sleep peacefully.

Of course, he couldn't imagine anyone else by his side on a mission, knowing they share the same love and passion for kicking ass and saving lives.

However, he also knows that more lies underneath the surface.

He wouldn't wish the hardships of this job on anyone. Seeing it affect someone he cares about, watching it break them down slowly pulls at his heartstrings and fills him with a knowing sadness. 

When a piece of hair falls into her face, his fingers don't hesitate to gently brush it behind her ear, lightly tracing her cheekbone and caressing her cheek.

Kneeling, his hand drops to her shoulder in an attempt to gently wake her.

After a couple of shakes, the expressive brown eyes he's come to look forward to seeing begin to flutter open and nearly render him speechless.

She blinks a couple of times, inhaling slowly, "Macgyver."

Her voice is full of sleep and breaks from misuse, but the way she says his name—like there's nobody else she'd expect to see when she wakes up —has him grinning from ear to ear.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

Rising from her position on the table, she scans the room before meeting his eyes and scoffing, "It's hardly the morning."

He laughs softly, holding back the urge to mention that technically it is morning considering its past twelve. Instead, he focuses on the matter at hand, or more likely, the question at hand.

"What are you doing here so late?"

She's more alert now, sitting back in her chair and lifting her arms to stretch out the muscles that stiffened while she slept, glancing at her work on the monitor.

Her face drops into a grimace when she notices her mistake, "Matty and I were talking about updating the foundation's firewall and spyware," she yawns, "I must have been more tired than I realized."

Mac's eyebrows scrunch in thought, remembering something Bozer said earlier about Riley spending quite a few nights this week working late.

Between going over his mother's scientific data, trying to patch up whatever relationship he had left with Desi, and making sure he didn't go off the rails with grief, his effort to check in on everyone decreased significantly.

"Yeah, you've been doing that a lot lately," his hand returned to her shoulder to emphasize his point, "Everything okay?"

She waves him off, "There's too much work that needs to be done around here before we can get things running the way they used to."

Riley doesn't lie to him—if you overlook the whole situation with her ex, Aubrey, that is, but the movements she's making indicate otherwise.

Her eyes refuse to meet his, flickering down and to the right. When she talks, her head shakes lightly, and she purses her lips in an attempt to give off a careless impression. Maybe someone who doesn't know her or didn't train to pick up on it would believe her, but he knew better.

She was definitely hiding something from him.

Part of him understands that if she wanted to talk about it, she would. However, his instincts urge him to press harder, locate the problem, and bring back her contagious smile that always seems to fill him with warmth.

As much as he doesn't want to admit it, you can't patch some things together by sheer will and sellotape, so instead, he stands up and drops his hand from her shoulder.

"Let's get you home."

[pynkhues]

Love your analysis on Beth’s playing a role to control Dean—but now I’m curious about your thoughts on the ottoman haha

Oh my gosh, thank you for taking the bait and asking, haha. I’ve been thinking about the ottoman all week, because it felt like such a strange and very specific thing for the writers to bring up again in the context of Dean, Judith and Beth in 3.11 after Beth had made the joke about it to Rio in the bar back in 3.08. And hey! I get a lot of asks about writing and about critical creative theory, and how to develop both those skills, and I always give the advice to start by asking why.

So let’s ask why together, because let me tell you: if something in a story feels strange, and it’s specific, and especially if it’s repeated, it usually means the writers want you to notice. And if they want you to notice, that in turn means it’s either a) an important plot point (which, err, I don’t think the ottoman is, haha, unless somebody stashed some money in the thing), or b) it’s important symbolically (and sometimes both! The flashforwards on Breaking Bad in particular did that really well).

So yeah, I’ve been thinking a lot about the ottoman, and these two, seemingly flippant references to it, and ultimately it’s reminded me of a post I never actually wrote (classic Sophie, haha), about Beth and Judith in 2.09 and 3.02, and that kind of made a feedback loop in my head and - -

Look.

Basically I think it’s a symbolic rejection of Beth’s old life / Judith’s life; an important character beat for Beth, and an indicator that she’s more than what she was with Rio, and that she won’t ever be more than that with Dean, but that’s a lot. So.

Let’s break that down a bit.   

Mommy Dearest

While motherhood is a central theme of this show, I am perpetually fascinated by the fact that the only mother to the main characters we really know is Dean’s mother, Judith, something that does actually feel like a deliberate choice.

After all, I could write a whole fresh essay about how it seems that Beth, Annie and Ruby each function as mothers themselves in ways that reflect a multigenerational trauma, and, ergo, a damaged mother in their own childhoods – we learnt in 2.08 after all that Beth and Annie’s mother was bedridden with depression, if nothing else, and Ruby’s mother was widowed when Ruby was just a young teenager (to say nothing of the trauma Ruby must’ve faced herself losing her father at that age) – but actually…that’s as much as we do know about them.

Dean though.

Well. 

We actually know probably more about his family and his history than we do about any other character on the show. We know his parents were John and Judith. We know that his father created Boland Motors and that Dean inherited the business from him. We know that John cheated on Judith throughout his career, and that Judith briefly tried to go back to work herself as a shop girl before feeling forced back home.

We know that Judith sacrificed everything – her career, her autonomy, her body, her happiness – to give Dean the illusion of a perfect family. While Dean might not know all the details himself, he’s certainly picked some of the expectations of that up through his parents, because ultimately, he expects Beth to do the same. And she did! And still does, in many, many ways.

There are a lot of examples of this, but the biggest one, of course, is the arc across 2.07 through to 2.10, which culminates with Dean holding their children ransom at Judith’s house, blackballing Beth into caving, and then flat out not caring about her inner life at all in 2.10.

That entire arc hinges on a lot of things, but one of the most integral conversations within that is the one Beth and Judith have at Emma’s birthday party in 2.09.

A conversation that’s pretty sublimely paralleled in 3.02.

2.09 vs 3.02

Beth and Judith’s conversations at Emma’s birthday party in 2.09 and then in the Boland kitchen in 3.02 are in fact two scenes that are also in conversation with each other. They’re different, but they’re the same. They’re circling the same information, while offering new takes, bantering old jokes that pivot into new jabs. They’re great, and I know they’re nobody who watches this show’s favourite scenes, but I actually love both of them a lot, and I think they’re really important – not just for Beth as a character, but for the show’s themes overall.

The scene in 2.09 falls on the back of Dean having taken the kids, and Beth’s grief arc around that. She only gets the invite to Emma’s birthday party because Dean’s put her in a position where she has to ask for it, and within the first 20 seconds of Beth and Judith exchange while they’re cutting up Emma’s birthday cake, we get this absolute gem:

Beth: [Dean]’s a good dad.

Judith: So was John. Not much of a husband though.

Judith goes on to confirm  that John cheated (with enough women she “stopped counting”), just like she now knows Dean did, but that’s not the point, and it’s not the thrust of the conversation.

The throughline is that men might cheat, and you can leave them, but as a mother, your responsibility is to them. You have to sacrifice your own needs to give them the best life you can.

In both Ruby and Annie’s cases, these are moral sacrifices to create financial gains for those children. Ruby’s in a loving marriage and needs to pay for her daughter’s medication, so that’s all literal with her. For Annie, it’s not quite as literal, but explores a parallel morality by way of her empathy – she feels no moral guilt about robberies, but she feels moral guilt by way of Marion and Nancy, in order to provide for her son.

Beth’s not like them.

She enjoys crime. She empathises with others, but isn’t a bleeding heart like Annie.

All of Beth’s sacrifices are felt personally.

She dims her own light, her own passions, her personality, her needs, her ambitions, to fuel the light of Dean’s, or for their children.  

It’s a conversation she has again with Judith in 3.02.

Judith’s been helping out more since Beth went to work. It leads to a few confrontations across the episode, but the one between the two of them in the kitchen after dinner is pivotal. I could actually transcribe the whole conversation here, because it’s honestly awesome, revealing dialogue, but instead I’m going to break it down into three little blocks.

a) The first in that it tells us how much Dean diminishes and doesn’t think about his mother.

Beth apologises for the fight which Dean ignores, and Judith asks a simple question:

“Did Dean ever tell you that I worked?”

No, Beth replies, simply, effortlessly.

A telling thing for a couple who have been together for over 20 years.

b) It builds to Judith telling Beth about having Dean, and then –

Judith: Everyone’s fawning over this new baby boy, while I’m just…nothing. Empty. Flesh and hormones over ice.

Beth pours them both a drink.

Confides that she had post-partum depression too.

c) But that’s not what Judith is saying. Judith’s not empathising with Beth, she’s telling her to go home.

Beth: Your happiness was important too.

(beat)

Judith: How much does the card shop pay?

Beth: You shouldn’t have quit.

Judith: And you should be home for dinner if you don’t want the kids saying grace…what a lie, huh? That we can have it all.

This scene is sharp, and it’s designed as a narrative weapon against Beth, who is desperately trying to keep her family above water, and actually gives Beth the triple duty in terms of protective responsibilities.

She’s trying to provide for her children, of course, and trying to justify her own purpose outside of motherhood to her mother-in-law, while also concealing from Judith how much Dean has failed their family in every way.

Judith gave up everything for Dean, so what can Beth do except placate her?

The thing is, these two conversations have very, very different results. 

In 2.09, Judith’s conversation with Beth was a key part of Beth ultimately quitting both crime and Rio, and trying to revert back to the woman she was – the woman Judith would always be. 

3.02 had a very different outcome.

Beth didn’t quit.

She doubled down.

Not only that, it directly pivoted into a scene where Beth, Ruby and Annie were criming, fucked a part of it up, and Beth’s instant response is “What would Rio do?” trying him into that overall arc.

The Ottoman

Which brings us, finally, to the ottoman!

It’s an offhand joke in 3.08, right? Beth’s dressed up, and she and Rio are in one of their games of eternal bargaining after she robbed him and he replied by stealing literally everything she owned. She’s trying to earn it back, he says he has something for her, she jokes, “My ottoman?”

It’s not serious. She’s not serious, which already loads the term, but Rio’s response is equally light, equally dismantling.

No.

The thing he has for her is Boomer.

And sure, there’s a lot to unpack in that, but what’s important here is that Rio treated the ottoman as something as frivolous as Beth treated it. They were on the same page – in maybe one of the few moments they were all season.

He knew as well as she did that the ottoman wasn’t something she needed.

The scene in 3.11 is really different.

Beth’s literally dressed down, on the toilet, in the robe she wore when she broke up with Rio in 2.09. Dean barges in, tells her no one will give him money to buy the hot tub place, then instantly breaks into a diatribe about how his mother wants to give them his ottoman.

Beth: We don’t have a couch!

Dean: I told her that.

Beth: Good.

Dean: The ottoman will be here tomorrow.

[Beth sighs]

Dean: I know, I’m sorry.

[beat]

Dean: I just don’t want [Rio] involved again.

The scene serves the purpose of, once again, emasculating Dean – showing that he can’t get out from under his mother’s thumb in the same narrative beat that it tells us as an audience that Dean can’t wriggle out from beneath Rio’s either – at least not as long as he’s with Beth.

In turn, the ottoman as an object holds a lot of narrative weight.

It’s something Beth and Rio can joke about, and something that labours on Beth and Dean’s marriage.

On a deeper level, the ottoman is something that holds a purpose, yes, but needs other items to be complete.

On its own, an ottoman is a joke. With a couch, it’s a living room.

Beth wants the couch – she wants the career – she wants the functionality and purpose of it. She wants to build her home herself, not scrape around for leftovers, nor rely on superficial or frivolous function in the way that she did before she robbed Fine & Frugal.

Beth is a character bursting with purpose, utility, passion. She wants to build this new life, not accessorise it, and Rio knows it, and Dean can never offer it to her, and that matters to her, particularly as she tries to untangle her future from Judith’s.

What I’m getting at is that I think Beth made a very different decision in 3,02 than she did in 2.09. She decided she was going to do this. She was going to be less of an ornament in her own life, and it would take her away from her children but hopefully give her more function to provide for them, and notably for herself too, and I think the narrative symbol of the ottoman is that the domestic goddess / Judith image isn’t her anymore, at least not exclusively. It’s not what she needs, and Rio knows that, and can laugh with her as she makes a joke of it, while Dean knows it, but will never fully support or empower her in disentangling from it. 

[ripley95]

Echoes of Old Embers

Chapter 11

Pairing: F!Shepard/Kaidan Alenko

Rating: T

Chapter length: 3.3K

Story Synopsis:

After surviving the war, one of Shepard’s biggest regrets was rejecting Kaidan at Apollo’s. Fate has a way of bringing Jane and Kaidan back into each other’s lives. A misunderstanding with his family makes Kaidan and Shepard relive old history and question where they stand.

Link to Chapter 1 on AO3

Chapter Synopsis:

The day of Libby’s wedding has finally arrived. The misunderstandings about her supposed relationship with Kaidan is really getting to her. She questions if they’re starting to get to Kaidan too.

Read to Chapter 11 on AO3

Tumblr Links:

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14

Read the chapter here below the cut:

The morning of the wedding was finally here. Luckily, Shepard had a much more restful sleep than the previous night. She made matters so much worse in pretty much every way that she could, that she had almost expected to have another sleepless night being tormented by the memories of it. She figured the exhaustion from not getting any sleep the night before probably helped on that front at least, and she was grateful for it now. It would be a long day going through all of the celebration, and she didn’t particularly want to feel like she needed a nap in the middle of it all.

She didn’t have much of a chance to see Kaidan since their breakfast the previous day. Both of them were busy with their individual tasks to help prepare everything. Kaidan had mowed the lawn and cleaned up the most visible part of the orchard. When he had finished with that, Ada got him to hang lights along the treeline and in the barn where the reception would be. Meanwhile, Ada had kept Shepard busy preparing more food for the events today. Part of which, she was glad to have Matt’s help with so she could apologise for pulling one over on him. It was a pleasant day, but busy. They barely had enough time to eat dinner before crashing to bed. At least it made their night routine a little less awkward, both exhausted enough to fall asleep almost immediately.

They already had a quick breakfast with the entire family this morning. Libby shared the news that Derek landed safely at his friend’s house the previous night. He was opting to uphold the tradition of not seeing each other on the day of the wedding. Everyone had rushed through their breakfasts to help with last-minute tasks. Everything had come together nicely and it was finally that time in the day that everyone was meant to be getting dressed up and ready.

Shepard was generally the type to go without makeup or stick to the basics in her everyday life, but as per Maisie and Raiya’s advice, today she was going all out. She borrowed a nice dress from Raiya. Luckily they were the same size, because she foolishly realised that she hadn’t brought anything to wear. Not that it would have mattered if she had remembered, since everything she owned was Alliance or N7 provision. Nothing tasteful for a wedding other than a dress that advertised her N7 status, which wouldn’t have been helpful with her trying to blend in. So, she was grateful that one of Kaidan’s sisters was the same size as her and that Raiya was willing to let her borrow something. Ada had let her borrow a necklace and some earrings that went well with the dress. She also put on the most tasteful makeup that she knew how to do. As she was putting on the final touches, she realised that she was pretty pleased with the outcome. She really didn’t look like herself. At least not to her. It was a rather uncharacteristic look on her to be so dressed up, but she figured it served its purpose well. She didn’t think anyone would recognize her like this. Not easily anyway, which was precisely what she wanted.

This whole time, she was getting ready in Kaidan’s bathroom. She was thankful for it, not having to worry about intruding on his sisters using all of the other ones to prepare, but it meant that Kaidan was also getting ready just beyond the door. She could picture him putting on a nice suit and tying up a tie. She had never seen him in formal attire other than his blues and she already knew how nicely he filled those out. It made her wish she could be the one tying his tie. She wished they were both giving their opinions on clothes as they picked them out together as they got ready in the same room. 

She huffed out a sigh of frustration. This trip was getting to her. She gave herself one last look in the mirror, pleased with how she looked, before walking to the door. She hesitated to open it, scared to potentially be walking in on Kaidan in the middle of getting dressed. She knocked lightly to make sure it was okay. It felt strange doing so. You don’t typically knock from the inside of a bathroom. Still, she’d rather do that than cause even more awkward situations between the two of them.

“It’s okay, you can come out, Jane,” she heard him say from the other side.

She walked out cautiously nonetheless, and saw him sitting on the edge of the bed, already waiting for her for some time by the look of it. He stood up to greet her in a very gentleman-like manner and eyed her from head to toe, tastefully. It felt like he was doing it more out of curiosity and wonder at how different she looked, rather than revelling in her new appearance. She couldn’t help herself from doing the same, admiring how nice he looked in a suit. His blues made him look so distinguished, but his suit had the added nicety of this being casual. Like they were just enjoying their lives like ordinary people. Wishful thinking.

She lost focus with her eyes on his lapels, imagining that if things were different, she would have gone over there and grabbed him by them and gently pulled him into a soft kiss. She would have straightened out his tie, just for a chance to be closer to him for even a moment, because he’s done a perfect job of it all by himself. They would have smiled at each other, looking forward to a day full of celebration. She supposed there was no reason she couldn’t still do that last one. The thought of it finally let her notice that she was staring, lost in thought at what could have been, so she did just that and smiled at him.

“You clean up nicely,” she said.

He let out a chuckle. “You’re not so bad, yourself,” he said with a sincere smile.

“Thanks,” she muttered, with a forced smile. She was never good at accepting compliments. “So, did you get a chance to talk to Libby yesterday?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “You were right. She wasn’t mad, but I think she appreciated me apologising all the same. It was a good heart-to-heart, and I think it helped her feel better. It was good for us.”

“Sounds like it,” Shepard said with a genuine smile.

“She uh… She even asked me to walk her down the aisle. Well, me and mom. I wasn’t really expecting that. I love her, but we weren’t the closest, growing up. I wasn’t even sure she wanted anyone to do it. She said she had been questioning it for a long time, but she hadn’t even gotten the chance to ask dad. She didn’t want to be thinking about missed opportunities and lost chances the whole time she’s actually walking down the aisle. It meant a lot to me that she asked.”

Shepard offered a solemn smile, knowing that as lovely as that was, it was at the expense of Kaidan taking his father’s place. She was glad that he’d get to be doing that for her and that they had each other while trying to navigate this new life without him. She figured this must be very bittersweet for him, remembering their conversation the previous. This was just more of that void that Kaidan was now filling for the rest of his family, taking the place of someone else. Of course Kaidan would love having an offer like that and would do anything to make his sister feel loved on her wedding day, but she imagined this must have hurt him a bit too.

“That’s really sweet, Kaidan. How do you feel about it?”

“Uh, better than I thought I would, actually.” He said it with a kind of hesitance, knowing that those words meant he was finally addressing his grief which was a big step, but also with a genuine and soft smile. “I don’t know that I could have said that if you hadn’t been here,” he admitted quietly.

“Then I’m glad I came,” she said, matching his smile.

Kaidan nodded at that appreciatively. “But anyway, I think things will be getting under way soon. We should probably go down. I think Derek’s here now, so I can introduce you. He’s probably been waiting to meet you. We can mingle a bit before the ceremony starts and then I can show you where you can sit since I’ll have to come back here and wait with Libby.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Shepard said.

Kaidan nodded, prompting them to leave the room and make their way out to the orchard where guests had already started gathering. In lieu of a band, they had a drone at the back of the seating area playing soft music that reminded her of Glyph. A beautiful arch was set up right in front of the trees in the orchard, and the mountains were visible beyond them, creating a spectacular view for the guests. It was a lovely setup. Once again, Shepard marvelled at how perfect it all was. A fantastic view with sentimental meaning. She couldn’t think of a better place for them to be declaring their love for each other.

As they made their way through the crowd, a few people stopped Kaidan here and there. All of them said some variation of “Finally brought someone home, eh?” Or “There’s going to be a lot of disappointed people out on the dancefloor this evening.” It did nothing to quell her feelings of regret about the confusion. If she didn’t know any better, Kaidan even seemed a little phased by it. She knew he wasn’t about to be challenging anyone on their misconceptions today, though. He didn’t want to add drama or make today about him, so he just smiled and nodded before moving on to other people, but she couldn’t help but notice a solemness about him now that wasn’t there before.

Finally, they got up closer to the seating area and a man in a tuxedo excitedly came up to them.

“Hey, Derek,” Kaidan said, shaking the man’s hand. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Oh, hey, same to you,” he said enthusiastically, pulling Kaidan in for a hug.

As Kaidan and Derek relinquished their hold, Shepard gave Derek a smile, happy to finally meet the man of the hour.

“Hi, Derek. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” Shepard said, offering her hand to shake with a genuine smile.

Derek had already given her a quick examination as he was walking over, but he seemed to be a bit starstruck as she spoke to him. He was staring at her wide-eyed, and mouth slightly agape.

“Pleasure to finally meet me? Are you kidding? Pleasure to meet you, Commander,” he said, giving a salute, prompting Shepard to take her hand back, and look around the crowd. Luckily no one really seemed to notice or think much of it.

“Hey, you might want to keep your voice down there, Derek. We’re kind of trying to keep her identity under wraps so there isn’t pandemonium during your wedding,” Kaidan said.

“Right, right,” he muttered out, and ended the salute without a return from Shepard. “Libby warned me and everything. I don’t know what came over me. I mean, Commander Shepard,” he said her name and title in a whisper this time, “here. At my wedding. I can just hardly believe it, you know? You were on the recruitment posters when I finally ended up joining the Alliance. We heard about you all the time throughout the war. About everything you were doing for us.”

Shepard smiled at that, already well aware of the effects she had on people, not really blaming Derek for his reaction. “You know Kaidan was there, too. It’s not like I worked alone.”

“Oh yeah, of course. I guess I just think of Kaidan as family already, so it’s not quite as shocking. Sorry if I’m coming off too strong or anything, it’s just that you’re a bit larger than life. It’s hard to imagine that you’re really here.”

“It’s okay, I get it,” she said, compassionately enough, understanding that he was thrown for a loop and probably already nervous for the day’s events. “But hey, seriously, feel free to call me Jane from now on unless I end up seeing you in some kind of official capacity at work. While we’re here, though, don’t think of me as a superior officer or anything.”

“Right, yeah,” he said nodding, almost apologetically. “Well, it’s nice to get to know the real you,” he said, extending his hand for a slightly more personal greeting after finally calming down.

“You too,” she said with a smile, accepting his hand to shake it. “And congratulations, Derek.”

“Thanks. That really means a lot to me,” he said with a smile. “And hey! Maybe I’ll be getting to call you family soon too, eh?” he said, elbowing Kaidan with a devilish grin. “Wouldn’t that be something?”

It seems as though Libby probably bought into the misunderstanding now too, if Derek’s reaction was anything to go by. Perfect. They both just smiled at him without saying anything on the matter.

“But anyway, the ceremony should start soon, and there are other people I want to greet before that. I’m so glad you could both make it,” he said, genuinely beaming as he left to go talk to other people.

Kaidan smirked and let out a ‘hrmph,’ which made Shepard look at him. “He’s a great guy, but a little overexcitable.”

Shepard nodded kindly, not judging him for it. “Nothing wrong with a little enthusiasm,” she said with a faint curve to her lips. “Not a quality that a lot of soldiers have anymore. I’m glad that’s not something that was taken away from him throughout the war. I hope he never loses it.”

Kaidan nodded, understanding the sentiment well. “Yeah, me too. He’s a good guy. He really loves Libby. I think he’s good for her too. She’s too serious.”

“Too serious?” Shepard said coyly, with an entertained smile, noticing a general similarity between most of the Alenkos. Maisie was perhaps the only exception she could see so far.

Kaidan looked at her and let out a chuckle. “Yeah, yeah. I know I can be serious too, but we’re not talking about me here,” he said with a smile. “I think he lightens her up a bit, and I think that’s exactly what she needs. Not that I’m criticising her now or anything, it’s just that I think Derek provides something for her that she’s been missing all her life. The way they look when they’re together,” Kaidan said, shaking his head fondly. “I’ve never seen her so happy. Like all of her burdens have been lifted off of her shoulders or something.”

Shepard looked somewhat dejectedly towards the ground, knowing precisely the feeling that he was referring to, because there was a time that Kaidan had provided exactly that for her. Not even just on the SR-1 when they were actually together, but also during the Reaper War, too. Even though they weren’t together then, he still provided that for her. He was good at making her feel less alone, having someone else to confide in who understood the things she was dealing with. It was one of the things she really missed about just being around him.

“Yeah,” she huffed out. “It’s not easy to find something like that,” she said quietly.

“No. It’s not,” he said. Shepard couldn’t help but hear a hint of sadness behind his words. She didn’t have it in her to look at him for any kind of confirmation.

Before they knew it, Derek came bouncing back through the crowd and tapped Kaidan on the shoulder. “All right, it’s almost showtime!” he said, with one of the widest grins Shepard had ever seen.

“You ready for this?” Kaidan asked.

“I can’t wait,” he said genuinely. His joy was palpable, bringing Kaidan in for another hug.

“Welcome to the family, Derek.”

“Well, she hasn’t said yes yet,” Derek said, releasing them both from the hug, still with a massive grin on his face.

“She will,” Kaidan said with a smile.

“I know. Thanks, man,” he said before he walked down the aisle with his parents who gave him their own hug before taking his place by the altar.

The officiant announced everyone to take their seats as the ceremony was about to begin.

“I guess that’s my cue to go back to the house for Libby. You can take any seat in the front row,” he said, pointing to Libby’s side of the seating arrangements.

“Okay,” she said with a nod. “See you in a minute, then.”

He nodded at her and turned to walk back to the house. Shepard stood there awkwardly, not entirely sure what she was feeling. She didn’t like the sight of him walking away. She knew she was being dramatic. All he was doing was going to get Libby, but the more time went on, she realised the closer she was getting to actually saying goodbye to him. Maybe it wasn’t the worst thing. It’s practically what she kept telling herself she wanted after all. But it hurt. The reality of him potentially not being in her life anymore was starting to sink in, and she didn’t like the feeling. Not wanting to be awkward about standing in the aisle, she finally turned to take a seat, making sure to leave space for Kaidan and his mother.

After everyone settled, the drone began playing the wedding march. The bridesmaids and groomsmen started coming out. First, she noticed a couple of Libby’s friends that she hadn’t had the chance to meet, followed by Maisie and Raiya. Shepard offered each of them a smile, happy to be able to watch the celebration, even with her own sad and confused feelings muddying how she felt on the inside.

Immediately after that, Libby started walking down the aisle, Ada on one side of her and Kaidan on the other, looking incredibly proud and happy. Kaidan and Ada both gave her a hug before they came to sit down next to Shepard.

Jane and Kaidan shared a glance and a smile with each other before they turned towards the ceremony.

It went by in a blur. Libby and Derek said their vows and made their commitment to each other, and Shepard was sad once again. Marriage had never necessarily been important to her, but the one person who had ever gotten her wondering whether she might be up in a place like that someday was Kaidan. The man sitting right beside her, yet somehow never felt more beyond her grasp, knowing she would be saying goodbye to him soon enough.

As they finished off with a kiss and were declared husband and wife, walking back down the aisle, it all felt very bittersweet to Shepard. She smiled and clapped, but it was all a farce.

Everything surrounding Kaidan was making it difficult for her to be in the moment and be happy for Libby. She couldn’t imagine Kaidan not being a part of her life in some capacity, but it was becoming too painful to contemplate going on like this anymore. Everything here just served as a reminder to what she couldn’t have.

There would be alcohol at the party. Maybe that would make her feel better. And if not, ‘it would all be over soon.’ 

[dizzyeyess-stories]

The Worst First Date Ever! (Remake) - Chapter Seven (Bonus): Aftermath

1st Disclaimer: The main protagonist Skylar's gender and appearance was purposely left anonymous so you as the reader can use your imagination to fill in those blanks.

2nd Disclaimer: This chapter is a filler. It is up to you as the reader to decide whether this is considered canon or not to the rest of the story. Also, there will be sexual-related content not suitable for all ages. Your discretion is advised.

I woke up with a huge headache. Everything was still in doubles, but I slowly managed to shake it off. I looked around and noticed it was morning and I was still on Ashlyn's bed. However, Ashlyn was nowhere to be found.

Ashlyn came in the bedroom wearing a red and white plaid apron with nothing underneath it. “Oh, you’re awake. Thank goodness I didn’t accidentally kill you last night” she said in relief. “I’m wiped up breakfast. I'll bring it to you”. Ashlyn left the room before coming back with a tray of food. I never would have thought I would experience being served breakfast in bed by a hot chick with barely any clothes on. It was a dream come true.

I ate breakfast while Ashlyn was sitting beside the bedside dabbing an ice pack over my aching head. “I overdid it last night. Really sorry about that. Just got a bit too excited and all” she said. “I was too excited; I didn’t even give you a chance to respond on whether you’re willing to be with a weirdo like me or not”.

I stopped eating and faced her. “You know, for as long as I could remember it, I really despise this “curse” of mine. I was bullied at school for it, lost one of my jobs and turned off many of my past relationships. But since I met you, for the first time, I’m glad I have this quirk because it is something you actually like about me. So yeah, I will be more than happy to be with you.

Ashlyn face lit up and kissed me. Her kisses still feel just as intoxicating with my eyes forming into big hearts with halos of hearts circling my head. She eventually retracted her kiss leaving me still love-struck.

“By the way, I was just wondering, what was it like in your starry dreams you saw last night?” she asked while slightly being turned on. It took me a while to process her question since my mind was currently over that kiss. I eventually came to answer, “you really wanna know? Well, that information doesn’t come cheap” I jest. “Ooooo so we're playing hard-to-get huh!? Well, I think I got something to bargain with. Something… unexpectedly dirty” she jested back. I thought she was just going to knock me out again but that was not the case.

Ashlyn crawled into the blanket that was covering my lower body and began to lick and suck my private part by interlocking her tongue in positions like how she kisses. I was surprised just how bold she was to do a job on me. It was a ticklish gesture at first but slowly had me aroused. She moved her tongue faster while also having her big breasts do some stroking against that same spot causing me to moan while my face formed into an ahegao expression.

Eventually, I release my load onto Ashlyn's face and mouth. “Oh my gosh! I'm sorry! Didn’t mean to do that to you!” I exclaimed. Ashlyn came out of the blanket with her face all wet and sticky. “Relax, we both knew that was going to happen,” she said as she wipes her face with a damped towel.

“Anyways, I gave you my part of the bargain. Now tell me what you saw last night” Ashlyn insisted like a child begging their parents to buy them a toy.

I gave in thinking there was nothing to it. “Alright alright. You win. After all of those head bonks that felt like thousands, I was in a starry dream where I was floating in a galaxy of stars consisting of all the colors of the rainbow. I was drifting into space bouncing off a soft, sponging expanding planets that had little hairs sticking out. Not sure if those were lumps or… uh, your boobs. Eventually, I landed on one of the planets and saw these sexy aliens that all look exactly like you but with pink skin. They all floated and dance around me. They begin to multiply as they circled faster. Later they multiplied so much that my entire vision was blocked by one big pink spiral. I think there was more to the dream than just what I mentioned, but that’s all I remembered”.

I suddenly noticed that Ashlyn's face was red and that she was breathing heavily. I was surprised that she has gotten this excited from just a small story of mine.

“Hey Sky, mind coming with me?” she said as she left the room. I followed her while still remaining naked to another room in her apartment. It was messy with lots of metal objects laying on the floor. “This room here is what you'll call my... uh… “torture chamber”. Kinda like a fitness gym but instead of workout equipment, I plan to put together these contraptions to use for silly knockouts. I didn’t want to tell you about this yesterday since I wanted to confess my kink to you first. Anyways, I was hoping if you… maybe… want to be my test subject? I know you just recovered from last night's beating, but I would be grateful for us to have another round”.

I was starting to notice a hint of insanity coming from Ashlyn, but I still understood the desires she the same way how I apparently have specific desires for Ashlyn's blossoms. Even if I deny her proposal of being her test subject, judging by how horny she's looking right now, I doubt she will spare my head and knock me out anyways. Therefore, I accepted to fulfill her kinky desires.

Ashlyn jumped for joy while blushing even harder. “Oh, you’re just the greatest! I love you so much! Here's a contraption I've already setup”. She points over to a machine that has a seat with two big mallets on either side being held up in the air.  “I call this bad boy: The Waffle iron. You will about to witness why is it called that” Ashlyn winked.

I was nervous by how intimidating it looked but I sat onto it anyways reminding myself that the positive outcome will involve sleeping with Ashlyn again. She grabbed the lever and said to me, “nighty nighty Sky” before pulling it releasing the two mallets to smash both sides of my head *WHAM*. The mechanism retracted leaving me cuckoo with starry lumps forming on each side of my head. However, knowing Ashlyn, she was not done with me just yet.

She kept pushing and pulling the lever constantly making those mallets smash my head *WHACK* *WHACK *WHACK*. My legs flailed with each impact. Eventually, Ashlyn stopped to see the work of art she created. I was stiff by my head being flattened vertically by all those poundings.

Ashlyn grabbed both sides of the skin on my face and stretch them out like I was an elastic band. *POP* my head physically retracted to its normal state, but not mentally.

My brain felt like mush. My pupils from my eyes were replaced by gold star bouncing all over my sockets with no sense of direction. My multiple lumps retracted from being flattened with my head. Halos of twinkling stars, chirping birds, pounding hearts, galloping ponies, and laughing little Ashlyns all orbiting my head. My mouth was not sure whether to grin or frown, so it landed somewhere in between with missing teeth and tongue lolled loosely. I was gone for the count.

“Perfect!” Ashlyn exclaimed to herself with hearts forming from her eyes. She took off the only remaining clothing from her body: the apron. She went up to me and sat onto my naked lap. We were face to face. “I’m sorry for being like this. I can’t help it. Maybe one day, I’ll let you have a turn to knock me out. But for now, let’s just enjoy what we have going here”. Ashlyn said seductively before proceeding to pleasure me by moving her hips and once again interlocking her lips to mine.

After that day, we were in a relationship, but I have yet to knock Ashlyn out. I do not have the guts to bring it up but one day I will muster the courage to do so because that is basically what love is to us.

The End

[raleighcarreras]

Dancing With Our Hands Tied

Title Song: Dancing With Our Hands Tied by Taylor Swift

Pairing: F!Raleigh x F!MC (Silas -Sighless)

Prompts: #19: “If you don’t stop looking at my lips without doing anything about it, I will take you right here on this counter.”

#95: “I just want you to be happy, even if your happiness doesn’t include me, I just want you happy.”

Summary: Everyone told her this would end in burning flames, but Silas had never been one to heed ominous warnings.

Or

If I could dance with you again

I'd kiss you as the lights went out

Swaying as the room burned down

I'd hold you as the water rushes in

If I could dance with you again

Notes: Ha! Y'all thought this would be fluffy smut! It's angst! I got you! I mean it has a happy ending but I mean it's real rocky there for a sec (ok it's not that long or rocky but still). Anyway, I changed the song three times then finally settled on this one and I think it works because I can totally see MC singing this. Hmkay, enjoy!

Tag list: @furiouscloddonutpeanut @lovedrakewalker @ptxgirwaffles @playchoices-addicted

.

.

It's hot and steamy. Just like it always is in clubs like these. You would think the rich and famous would be at least a tad bit toned down of the absolute debauchery but no, they were worse.

Of course, at this point in the night she didn't care. She would never get over watching people grinding to her music no matter how famous she got, but the constant vodka cranberry shots were certainly helping.

There's a sudden hand on her hip and she flinches before relaxing as the owner presses themself into the curve of her back. She feels every bit of the cool leather of the woman's jacket slide against the bare skin of her back. She briefly wonders if she was thankful for choosing the backless dress or if it was proving to be a terrible decision.

And if she wasn't dancing to the best of her ability already, she definitely was now if the increasing of breathe coming from behind her is anything to go by. Her hips sway to the beat of her own drum quite literally as her song still chants its way through the surrounding speakers.

"Let's get some more drinks." It's floated directly into Silas' ear from her warm breath. It's the first thing Raleigh has said to her since she dragged her here in the first hints that night was approaching.

Silas has no choice but to nod as Raleigh takes her hand, guiding her over to the poorly lit bar. The bartender almost looks bored as he listens to Raleigh's order. The auburn haired man had obviously long ago gotten over the star struck glee and had now settled for vague indifference. Silas briefly thinks he and Raleigh she get along swimmingly.

Her newest shot is a blue kamikaze, something that she would have thought a bit too fruity to be in Raleigh's repertoire of alcoholic beverages but as Raleigh's lip wrap around the small glass, Silas chastises herself for ever questioning it. It was obviously a gift from God if that was the outcome.

“If you don’t stop looking at my lips without doing anything about it, I will take you right here on this counter.”

And who is Silas to deny her?

So yeah, she does several somethings about it. Somethings that take them well into the morning.

.

Maybe it's the deja vu of waking up naked in Raleigh's bed for the nth time or maybe it's simply the fact that she's no longer drunk, but something doesn't feel right.

She checks her phone with one eye closed out of fear.

Resident Bad Girl Raleigh Carrera And Newest Pop Princess Silas Call It Quits, A Source Confirms.

She knew it was a bad idea to subscribe to her own Google alerts but she couldn't help it. She finds what the internet thinks of her to be funny. Everything except for this.

Because this, this puts a wrench into things. Things she had just begun to explore without feeling guilty. Things she finally figured out the meaning of.

The "source" is undoubtedly Fiona, which means there is no contesting this one. This is Fiona's roundabout way of telling her the fake relationship has served its purpose and to stop sleeping with Raleigh.

Silas gets the message loud and clear. She won't be able to see Raleigh in public anymore if they're broken up and she sure isn't going to sneak around with her no matter how hot Raleigh would think it'd be.

Silas flopped back onto the lavish bed with a sigh. It was never supposed to get this complicated, but she should have known she was going to fall in love the second the devil herself kissed her.

Speaking of the devil, Raleigh walks into the room with a tired yawn. Her hair is wet, suggesting she took a shower, and her tattoos can be visibly seen through the partly see-through tank top she's wearing.

And Silas falls just that much deeper.

"We broke up."

Raleigh gives her a confused look before rifling through her drawers for clothes for the both of them.

She turns just in time to catch the phone hurtling towards her. She reads the headline then shrugs.

"Ok."

"Ok? Don't you get it? We can't see each other out in public anymore. We-"

Raleigh cuts her off with another shrug, "Then we'll just sneak around. That'd be like ten times hotter anyway."

"I'm not doing that." Silas sits up with a frown. Raleigh didn't get it so this was obviously a waste of both their times. She begins to put her clothing back on. Somehow, they had been thrown into a neat pile just by the end of the bed.

"Why not?"

"Because I like seeing you, Raleigh. I like it when other people see us. Together. Because I stupidly like pretending this isn't just some publicity stunt." Silas' arms flop sadly to her sides.

"C'mon, Silas. We both knew this was for show. It was just for fun." Raleigh's voice softens as Silas headed toward the bedroom door.

She's right, but unfortunately that doesn't keep her heart from blistering and shattering.

Silas walks out the door without anymore preamble.

.

It's about two weeks of avoidance and general stubbornness on Silas' part. It had felt like the two had actually broken up.

It's Avery that notices her change in demeanor and immediately equates it to Raleigh not even giving her the benefit of the doubt. She stalks off to confront her one day and that's the last Silas hears of anything until Raleigh shows up at her apartment door two days after that.

Surprisingly, it's Silas that speaks first. Raleigh can easily tell she's going to do that rambling thing she does.

"I'm sorry for the other day. I shouldn't have just sprung that on you like that. I love you and thats fine if you don't feel that way. I just want you to be happy, even if your happiness doesn’t include me, I just want you happy. I still want to be friends and-"

Raleigh grabs Silas' face with a roll of her eyes and presses her lips to hers to silence her. Silas has to stiffle a half squeak half moan.

When they finally do pull apart, Raleigh's hands now around the young singer's waist and Silas' gripping the lapels of Raleigh's jacket, Raleigh smirks, "You talk too much."

"Sorry?"

"Don't worry. Apparently, I'm attracted to that sort of thing."

Raleigh has since been pulled into the apartment. She sighs at the look of expectancy on Silas' face.

"I had a talk with Avery. Or rather Avery had a talk with me. I'm not scared of her but I'm sure anyone else would have been. Anyway, she helped me come to a couple realizations."

"Like?"

"Like, I love you and I'm sorry for ever making you think I wasn't. I was hurting you and that's the last thing I ever want to do." Raleigh rings her hands in an uncharacteristically nervous gesture.

Silas grabs them in hers and smiles and just like that, it feels like the weight of the world has lifted off her heart.

"I accept your apology and I love you too."

Raleigh smiles genuinely, "I think this means you have to tell Fiona to cook up another one of those headlines."

[alexlayer69]

How not to ever, ever defend Jaune, Part 3: Special Edition

Today we exterminate @rainbowloliofjustice‘s reply as well as her apparent ingrained misogyny, taking everything into account, following @outcasts-redeemer’s argument’s deconstruction. Full thread here.

Hey uh… Chick here and…

Hello! NB person here.

Asking someone out, a grand total of twice is not being a douche.

It was more than twice, and it’s not the constant asking out that’s the problem, it’s the disregard and disrespect for the girl’s agency that makes him a douche.

What he told Neptune was hardly a lecture. He was basically telling Neptune to just ask Weiss out because she liked Neptune and Neptune thought she was out of his league so why bother.

Jaune actually called out Neptune on not caring about Weiss’ feelings, which is practically giving him a lecture and incredibly hypocritical of him considering his behavior towards him.

Weiss indeed is a rude bitch…. during the first volume. She’s rude to Ruby, thinking she is incompetent as a leader and even going as far as to complain to Ozpin and demand an explanation on why she isn’t the leader, even basically saying she think that she would be a better leader than Ruby. She wanted to be friends with Pyrrha solely because of her name and fame… ring a bell with Weiss not liking Jaune because she thought he was after her money? Oh and bonus… Pyrrha was fairly uncomfortable with this.

I’m not here to deny that Weiss wasn’t the best of the best during Volume 1, but she’s actually shown development and evidence of moving past this. Yeah, she approached Pyrrha with her own interest in mind, but that was just once and it has never been repeated since. Not to mention Pyrrha was nowhere near as visible uncomfortable about any of this as Weiss was with Jaune shoving himself in between them, and at least Weiss was smart enough to pick up the hint and drop it.

Bitch have you watched the series? Pyrrha actually has her own character outside of Jaune. She’s anything but a bland and boring sidekick for Jaune. If anything, she outshines him as a character because she is talented, smart, dependable, absolutely badass fighter etc. She’s even shown to be insecure when it comese to doing something she wants to do and questioning whether what she does is fate or her own choice. So miss me with that shit about Pyrrha being a bland and boring character.

Yes, Miss Chick, I’ve watched the show, and I stand by this statement. Pyrrha was made, from beginning to end, to complement Jaune’s arc, not to be a character of her own. And if you don’t see it, then… girlfriend, sister, gal pal, wake the fuck up! Not that I’m saying that you can’t like Pyrrha on her own right, but what can you even tell me about Pyrrha other than she’s kind, badass, smart, and dependable, mh? What are her hobbies? What are her dreams? What’s her background like? Do we even know anything about her family that might tell us anything about her? About how she grew up? Can you even tell me what’s her relationship like with her teammates and fellow classmates other than Jaune? ‘cause I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but outside of Ozpin’s circle during her would-be “arc” in Volume 3, Pyrrha is practically never allowed to interact one-on-one with characters that aren’t Jaune. Her conversation with Weiss in Volume 1? Interrupted by Jaune. Ren and Nora trying to cheer her up before her big fight in Volume 3? Interrupted by Jaune. Her apologizing to Ruby in V3 after killing Penny? Goes about two lines before Jaune steps in again to claim all of Pyrrha’s attention once more.

Even her death has served nothing but Jaune’s development. We’ve never seen any characters mourn Pyrrha other than him. Not Ren and Nora, who were her teammates, not even Ruby, who saw her die first hand. Nobody outside of Jaune seems to even remember her most of the time (and yes, I know Ruby mentions her in one scene in Volume 5, but that’s about it), and even her remnants were melted down to improve Jaune’s equipment rather than being brought to Pyrrha’s family to be placed on her grave or something.

Again, I’m not saying you can’t like Pyrrha for what we’ve seen of her. I myself liked her as well, but in the sense that I really wish she had been her own character, that we could have actually gotten to know her and see what she was really like, rather than have her near entire screen-time revolve around Jaune. Stop for just a moment to think of what Pyrrha’s character would be like if Jaune wasn’t in the show, and you either come to the realization that she’d have no purpose, or realize about the endless possibilities there is to her character that the show never bothered to explore because the writers never saw her as anything but a complement to Jaune’s character. From day one, she was meant to die. She was made by design to be little but the Disposable Woman, and it shows.

Also, you’re blaming Jaune for something Cinder decided to do. Cinder is a sadistic person who goes after the weak. She only targeted Weiss because she wanted to torment someone and taunt them. It could have easily been Ruby, or even Yang, Nora, or Ren. However, Weiss had already lost her fight against Vernal and was the weakest and easiest target. Cinder was toying with him… as she was all of them. Let’s be honest… Cinder probably did intend to insult him because she enjoys seeing people writh with anger and espair… because she is sadistic.

Honestly, no, not really. I mean, I didn’t really meant to blame Jaune for those things. You’re right. Cinder is the one to blame here, for everyone that got hurt. I do believe, however, that Jaune’s behavior during that fight did more harm than good during the earlier half of the fight, and made so many mistakes that it makes you wonder if he’s really learned anything throughout the series, though really, the whole part here is not so much about issues with characters as it is with the writing. I mean, why would Cinder even target Weiss instead of Ruby, whom she holds a personal grudge against and was even more vulnerable than Weiss? This is what worries me, that it feels like the writers chose Weiss because, since Jaune used to crush on her, that would hurt him the most. It’s a writing decision placed solemnly with Jaune’s character in mind and no one else’s, which is a serious problem because it shows the writers keep prioritizing Jaune above most other characters, even the titular characters.

Weiss, in general, shows everyone more respect because she’s no longer the precious, stuck up bitch she was in volume 1. It isn’t just Jaune. It’s Ruby, Yang, Nora, Ren, etc. It’s everyone.

That’s fair, but even then, there’s been zero interaction between Jaune and Weiss since the reunion in Volume 5 (they practically didn’t acknowledge each other). In other words, there hasn’t yet been a development to their relationship, which I wouldn’t be exactly against. What I’m against is the writers using the whole “Jaune saving Weiss” as a shortcut to show a development in their relationship and thus completely avoiding having Jaune own up to what he did wrong in the past, as if suggesting Weiss was in the wrong (and no, she wasn’t. It’s completely within her right to reject someone she’s not interested in) and Jaune never did anything bad, which just isn’t true, despite what they want the viewer to believe. They themselves (the writers) need to own up to their shortcomings just like Jaune needs to.

Also, a lot could have been done to change the outcome of something… want for a nail. Had Pyrrha not rushed up there without any help or backup she’d still be alive. Had they not decided to keep everything a secret maybe Pyrrha would sitll be alive. Sorry but it’s a little hard to ignore the screams of your friend and partner undergoing an experiment that hardly either of them was given any type of information for. Had Ozpin and Co not kept what was going on a secret and even to a degree Pyrrha, maybe he could have watched the door a bit better instead of being taken off guard by the screams of Pyrrha as she basically has her Aura combined with someone else’s.

A lot of things could have been changed but no it’s all Jaune’s fault for not watching the door.

Like I said before, this much is right. Mind you, though, I only brought up Jaune failing to stop Cinder as Ozpin told him not because I really want to blame him there, but because @outcasts-redeemer actually dared blame Pyrrha’s death on Weiss for failing to save Pyrrha after Jaune asked her and Ruby to do just as much, which… I don’t need to tell you just how ridiculous that is, now do I?

Maybe if you stopped taking everything Jaune did as something negative, spotlight stealing, etc. then people wouldn’t have to “”mainsplain” to you.

If you wanna ignore the obvious fact that there’s clear issues with the way Jaune’s written, and the way near everyone gets written to accommodate things for his sake (the battle of Haven being by far the worst offender), then you do you, but I’m not. We were promised a show about four badass action girls, not about a boring, generic and stereotypical dude who’s just the most unoriginal archetype ever but has the world bend to his whim because the writing says so, and so long as they keep making these blunders, criticism will continue to show up.

[juliedeardorff]

“Get your bloody act together! I want the best in you to emerge.” -Jordan Peterson lecture

I’ve been reading a lot about mindset lately, specifically as it relates to behavior change and goal achievement.

I discovered Jordan Peterson, clinical psychologist and rising speaker, through multiple sources, and wanted to share some things that resonated with me. He uses his book "12 Rules of Life: An Antidote to Chaos" to organize and explain his thought process on certain subjects. I've written at length about Rule #2, but here are all 12:

1. Stand up straight with your shoulders back.

2. Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.

3. Make friends with people who want the best for you.

4. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.

5. Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.

6. Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world.

7. Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient.

8. Tell the truth — or, at least don’t lie.

9. Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t.

10. Be precise in your speech.

11. Do not bother children while they are skateboarding.

12. Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street.

Here are a few quotes from Dr. Peterson, and a lecture he gave on the 12 Rules. It’s worth the watch, and in my opinion a good introduction if you’ve never heard about him before. https://youtu.be/-5RCmu-HuTg

I hope you enjoy his insight and passion as much as I did. Never give up on self discovery, self mastery, or the pursuit of your goals, -Julie

Favorite Jordan Peterson Quotes:

“I don’t tell people, “‘You’re okay the way you are.’ That’s not the right story. The right story is, “You’re way less than you could be.”

“People think of freedom as the ability to implement whim, but sustainable freedom isn’t what it’s about at all. It’s primarily about responsibility. It’s about determining which load you’re going to pick up and carry. That is the appropriate definition of freedom.”

“When you start to realize how much of what you’ve constructed of yourself is based on deception and lies, it’s a horrifying realization.”

“There isn’t a better outcome than the one that truth produces. Even if it’s a harsh and terrible in the short-term. And sometimes it’s like, there isn’t a better way of doing it — the Being you produce as a consequence of telling the truth is good.”

“People who are not aiming up will become jealous when you succeed. They will override your accomplishment with a past action of their own. Maybe they are trying to test you, mostly they are dragging you down because your new improvements cast their faults in an even dimmer light.”

“Assuming there is such a thing as reality, if you have a false relationship with it, how can you do anything but fail?”

“Too much protection devastates the developing soul.”

“Just because you think something doesn’t make it right.”

“If you’re not going to be rewarded for your virtues, and instead you’re going to be punished for them, what’s your motivation to continue?”

“I have a hard time figuring out what kind of box to put me in…but I need to stay outside of boxes because then I can look at what’s inside them without being a part of them.”

“The connection between psychology, mythology, and literature is as important as the connection between psychology, biology, and other hard sciences.”

“There’s terrible evil and there’s terrible suffering, but the human spirit is capable of voluntarily taking that on as a challenge. Well, it’s worth a try.”

“You’re basically blind to everything that isn’t serving the purpose that you’re aiming at.”

“The most daring possible approach to life and I would say the most meaningful approach, is to tell the truth.”

“I’ve never seen anyone get away with anything. Ever. The chickens always come home to roost…let’s say you get away with something. It’s like yeah, you think so man. You wait — 5 years from now, 7 years from now — it’ll come back. You don’t have the power to manipulate reality.”

“Stop saying things that make you weak.”

“The thing you most need is always to be found where you least want to look.”

“You are not obligated to associate with people who make your life worse.”

“The well developed individual is the antidote to tyranny of society and biology.”

“I don’t think that you have any insight whatsoever in your capacity for good until you have some well-developed insight into your capacity for evil.”

“Speak the truth about unpleasant things.”

“Act so that you can tell the truth about how you act.”

“People think “I wanna get along perfect with my partner.” It’s like, “No you’d just get bored and go out looking for trouble.” And, so, you want a little bit of trouble in the relationship and a little bit of mystery, and combativeness and the ability to exchange opinions.”

“There’s almost nothing better than character development.”

“To make the world a better place, start by making yourself a better person.”

#goalrecon #goals #hardtokill #mindset #jordanpeterson #12rulesoflife #consistency #habitcreation #behaviorchange #accountability #nevergiveup #barrierbreaker #fearless #lifestyle #perspective #satoriseeking #humanspirit #attiude #gratitude #worlddomination #impact #achievement #tandemllc

[derrickperegrine]

@hpwritersnet august event: draco ships

lost and never found | a draco/blaise fic

... But Blaise somehow knew exactly how to get under someone’s skin; a talent that Draco both loathed and loved. It was as if no one else knew him better than Blaise did; yet, on the other hand, Blaise seemed hellbent on using this knowledge against him.

The first time Draco Malfoy felt intense apathy was when he first kissed Blaise Zabini.

Blaise Zabini was something of a fascinating figure to Draco Malfoy. He was one tall bloke, handsomer than the Devil, and did not even have a single fuck to give; Draco admired his satirical, irreverent humour, envied the nonchalance with which he carried himself, and craved the impossible calm that exuded from Zabini’s person.

How could someone remain so carefree and indifferent in this day and age? Draco thought; he himself was always on the verge of mental collapse, with the threats of the Dark Lord heavy against the back of his neck and the Dark Mark burning forebodingly on his forearm. He longed to be like Zabini, on whom worries seem to slide off like water on a duck’s back.

He fancied Zabini, in away. Amongst other boys. In a way.

But out of all the boys Zabini was particularly special to Draco. He was everything Draco was not -- a bright personality, charming and magnetic; confident in himself; comfortable with himself; a joker and a critic in one person. However they were also achingly similar -- well-off heirs, ambiguous figures, haughty personalities, dark princes ... it felt like they were on the same playing field.

Many of the other boys felt, on a certain level, alien -- Pucey was otherworldly in his exuberance, and Draco sometimes felt burnt by his bright, winsome grins; Montague had a statuesque air to him, seemingly cold and unmovable, a puzzle waiting to be solved; Derrick was all sharp points and glinting like metal, his lopsided smile often nicking at Draco in an instigative manner; and Potter.

He honestly shouldn’t even talk about Potter, with his hatefully green eyes stark against brown skin, unruly black hair crowning him as the Saviour. And who was Draco? Unworthy of even being termed a nemesis. Merely a pawn in the greater picture. He could never take out the queen in this game of chess.

But Blaise seemed more ... feasible. He was something familiar and ... nonthreatening, agenda-less. The thought of how the world was fitting together right now bothered Draco -- as much as he enjoyed the influence he had, the stress of all everyone demanded out of him gnawed at him disquietingly. He was always trying to figure out how he should next play the game in order to ensure his importance and continued survival; he appreciated that Blaise was brazenly refusing to play the game. When all the other boys fell on one side or the other of this conflict, Blaise firmly stated that he was perfectly happy with sitting on the fence.

And in that way he was more approachable than the other boys Draco half-fancied.

But perhaps this made Blaise Zabini the most dangerous of them all. Draco was not prepared to deal with anyone with a greater motivation in the approaching War; he would not fraternise with the enemy, and he didn’t trust any of the Dark Lord’s greedy supporters who would use his Malfoy influence to better their own lot. But Zabini was not interested in the War, and thus stood to gain nothing out of Draco; and because of this Draco was actually willing to take a gamble with Zabini. He was willing to let Zabini get close to him.

And it seemed to Draco that Zabini was very close. He and Zabini had been dancing around each other for a while.

But in a sense they all were, a nest of snakes that struck half-playfully, half-testingly at one another. You have to be prudent in choosing friends in this kind of conflict. They were all good at this game, out of necessity.

But Blaise knew exactly how to get under someone’s skin; a talent that Draco both loathed and loved. It was as if no one else knew him better than Blaise did; yet, on the other hand, Blaise seemed hellbent on using this knowledge against him.

Not maliciously or threateningly; only a symbol of trust wrapped up in a warning of sorts. I know how to make you uneasy, make you dance ... this power is mine, but I won’t use it. It warmed Draco up with some sick trepidation -- the only logical strategy to this was to just play along, some fucked up game of emotional politics that took Draco’s mind off of more tormenting obligations.

So he played his game with Zabini. Hands that lingered upon shoulders for a moment too long; eyes that settled on a wrong spot, or perhaps stared almost rudely; snide remarks that rode the fine line between friendly and predatory. It made Draco’s head pound when Zabini flashed those stark-white teeth at him and intoned, ‘Nice posture at practice today, Malfoy.’

Something that any other member of the Quidditch team could have said somehow niggled at Draco; the pleasant feeling of words weighing much more than they look, the potential of something enticing. Something simple that he could throw himself into; rather than a stressful, nearly cosmic conflict that he was beginning to feel more and more disillusioned with.

And just then his good mood soured, and he felt envy shoot up his heart like acid; would that his life were not centered around that blasted War. Would that he didn’t need to worry about his neck day in and day out, concern himself with the exact details of the plan that all depended on him; would that he were given a choice to say no, to say that he wasn’t his parents and just allowed to live like an ordinary boy like Zabini --

No, he stopped himself, and forced down the malice in his gullet. Even if he had a choice, he would have chosen to do the same bloody thing.

That’s just the kind of fucking idiot he was.

By November he could hardly stand it anymore. It was eating away at him, slowly, a carpenter ant chewing through a foundation until the house finally collapsed over him. The farther along he was with this enterprise, the more he feared its conclusion. He could not yet clearly see its significance for him, but he feared his ‘disposal’ as soon as his task was completed and his purpose -- served.

And he didn’t want to die just yet; Merlin, he was just sixteen, let him live. Let me live and let the whole world be damned, he thought, sour guilt building up his chest as his knuckles whitened around the book he was holding. He was filled with a sense of confused unease; the sort of aching knowingness of an outcome, but the refusal to contemplate its actuality.

‘You alright, Malfoy?’ Nott asked, his gaze hovering about Draco’s hand. Clever Nott, always quiet but observant, Draco thought with a sinking heart. Theo was always close to him, and he feared that perhaps Theo knew him to well. It troubled Draco that, this essentially meant that he could never hide anything from Theo. Regardless, he wouldn’t drag Nott into his ... business.

‘Yeah, I’m alright, Theo,’ he replied as he dropped his shoulders and loosened the death grip on his Transfigurations textbook. ‘Come on, let’s go to class.’

Draco wished that Theo would get out of his business. Unfortunately, Theo was a good friend, which meant that he was a terrible friend for someone like Draco Malfoy. After shooting concerned looks at him for two weeks and failing to evoke a response from Draco, Theo sent Draco’s next closest ‘friend’ to him -- he sent Blaise bloody Zabini.

Draco was half a metre into the blasted essay for Slughorn when Zabini entered the empty common room. Most of the other students had left for dinner, but Draco did not feel like eating recently. He felt as if everything were a sort of vague, bad illusion that he could sort of fade out of if he just acted like he wasn’t really there; wasn’t really a human being. But eventually people always notice when you’re starting to become a ghost.

‘Nott told me you weren’t yourself recently.’ Fuck Nott and his considerateness. Fuck Nott and his concern, Draco thought as Blaise settled down on the chaise beside his armchair and spoke in that cool, unruffled manner that ruffled Draco’s feathers in as many directions as possible, lately.

‘-- And I happen to agree,’ he continued, and Draco wanted to push him away for caring, to push all of his friends far, far away from himself, because he didn’t want them to see him at his weakest.

He glared at Zabini, composed and collected in his pressed Slytherin robes, his face kept artfully neutral -- just the way Draco liked it. Everything about Zabini was almost clinical, orderly, logical; and Draco was nothing like that now, with his crumpled robes, dull hair, and heavy eyes. And he desperately want to plunge into Zabini’s calm.

‘Really, mate, if there’s anything I can do --’ Zabini began to offer, but Draco had already begun to move.

He reached out and grabbed Zabini’s face -- and the other boy fell silent. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck -- ‘Just shut up, Zabini,’ he managed before he kissed Zabini furiously.

Zabini’s shock shattered his composure and Draco felt him jump beneath his touch. It disappointed him that his composed, ever-statuesque friend could be caught by so mundane an emotion as surprise. But on the other hand it pleased him in a terrible way to know that he had been the one to cause it.

After a moment of startled stillness Blaise kissed him back, his movements blurred still by bewilderment. But Draco kissed him like this was the surest thing in his life for months, like he desperately needed it, like if he didn’t, he would implode any moment. But he felt like he was imploding right now.

He kissed Blaise like he wanted to be sure of what he wanted.

And Blaise simply gave him what he wanted. He didn’t see a good enough reason to say no to Draco, and besides he was bored. That was the worst part of being Blaise Zabini -- the cost of his indifference to everything was his devotion towards anything. It wasn’t so bad a price to pay, in his opinion.

So he kissed Draco like he was killing time.

‘Fuck,’ Draco muttered when he came to a moment later. Now he’d mindlessly threw himself at Zabini, he can’t take that back again. Confusion chilled his bones like he had just leapt into the Black Lake, and shock clung to him like wet clothes.

He was not confused nor shocked regarding his emotions towards Zabini -- it was more so the manner that he had executed the idea he had been toying with for the past few months. He acted on impulse, without judging the circumstance and weighing the consequences before hand; he was fearful of what this lack of control reflected of himself.

‘What?’ Blaise drawled lazily, his eyes still hazy like a cat's, part-open in interest, part-narrowed in perplexity. Draco knew that now he owed Zabini an explanation. But he disliked all manners of explanation.

‘Why did I do that?’ He muttered aloud whilst kicking himself over mentally. He’s just thrown in all his cards in, and now he needed to back out of the game. He couldn’t maintain this whilst worrying about the Dark Lord’s orders, he didn’t have the energy -- but oh Merlin, did he need to find some sort of release, somewhere to pour all the human parts of himself into in order to survive the monstrous thing his life was becoming.

‘Shouldn’t I be the person asking that question?’ Blaise cocked an eyebrow cooly, and Draco tried his best to look apologetic; although he never got much practice in that department.

He wanted to say something but the words only floated disjointedly around his head, and Draco found it difficult to find an excuse that would not compromise his ... position. A silence stretched out between them like a spider’s web, except Draco felt more like the fly who flew into it than the spider who spun it.

Zabini merely looked at him with the same detached interest that Draco had come to find enthralling. The corner of his mouth was crooked in an easy smile, utterly blasé in a way that was comforting and insignificant. ‘Fuck it, who needs a reason, right?’ he hummed as he leaned towards Draco. ‘I’m too bored to care,’ the words dropped liltingly, lazily from his tongue.

‘That’s good enough for me if it’s good enough for you,’ Draco swallowed back the burning apprehension that had been sloshing within him for months. He reached out and gripped Blaise as if he were a lifeline.

‘I only need you to be here,’ he told Blaise, his demand heavy in the air, his meaning not exactly what it must have sounded like. No, Blaise was not a lifeline. He was merely the a piece of driftwood, something to keep him afloat but not help him find his way. Draco Malfoy was doomed to be lost, but at least that’s better than drowning.

‘I’d gladly oblige,’ Blaise slid a hand around the back of Draco’s neck. Draco looked into his eyes and found no emotion. It quelled the uneasy flame within him.

He lunged at Blaise; and the sinking feeling of insouciance spread within him, cool and opaque as stone.

Everything be damned. Let him have this before it all sinks.

[gaogaigar-the-king]

Showdown! - Paladins: Champions of the Realm / Skyrim

The (Long awaited?) sequel to ‘Amazing Holiday’, where Ash, Sariel and Seris have their (long awaited?) showdown. It’s not very long but, well, I’m not very good at writing long fight scenes.

“So, uh, battlemage, huh?” Sariel raised an eyebrow, carrying Seris on her back as they ran across the Realm. It didn’t come with a welcome map, so they were left to just guess where they were going - Thankfully, rumours of Paladins activities were rather frightfully easy to follow. Something about them being locked in a constant struggle with shapeshifting monsters who they never can get the upper hand of.

“Yeah, battlemage. Never was very good at the whole hacking and slashing thing, got too tired and you can probably tell why.” Seris hummed, resting her head against the side of Sariel’s neck. “That doesn’t mean I won’t pick up a sword if I need to though, although now I rarely do need to.”

“I never could get the hang of that magic stuff. I know a few spells but, well, it just didn’t work out for me, although I’m pretty handy with a healing spell. But I could kill an entire army wielding only a knife and fork any day of the week.” Sariel shrugged. “And that’s not even my primary battle skills. Nothing is more satisfying to me than the weight of my greatsword taking someone’s head off, or the sound of a well struck arrow taking down it’s foe.”

“I prefer just a simple disintegration and run. That or just send them flying half way across Skyrim, that’s ALWAYS satisfying.” Seris chuckled.

“Oh, you’re dead right there.” Sariel agreed, laughing. She never thought she would be so grateful to meet another Dragonborn in all her life, especially not a like-minded one.

“Buncha cowards.” Ash laughed as the small squad they had just been fighting fled rather rapidly when she delivered the payload the last few seconds, taking it to the face as the cart full of explosives served it’s purpose. Fernando hid his ever-precious face behind his shield. Accompanying them was Seris, Tyra and Maeve, who debating raiding the fleeing coin purses, but her injuries made her decide against it.

They quickly set up a small camp in the remains of the captured base in Fish Market, something which from experience took them only a mere couple of hours, where Seris tended the injured - Which was all of them - in her usual fashion. Most of the Paladins were still a little bit unsure of how they felt about being directly healed by the souls of others trapped in the Abyss. Some of them were still unsure of how they felt about the Oracle of the Abyss as a whole, although she seemed friendly enough once you got past her creepy exterior. Fortunately, her little group had taken quite a liking to her, it made healing them that much easier.

Idle chatter took the Paladins as Tyra prepared them dinner. No matter where she was, the Untamed always managed to find game for them to eat and while salty roasted meats were perhaps not the nicest of foods, food was food after a long battle and none of them were in a hurry to refuse it. Fernando tried his luck flirting with his team of ladies over the dinner, but a threat of a new haircut from Maeve saw him stopping that. If there was one thing that Maeve of Blades did not do, it was idle threats about cutting things and Fernando quite liked his long, sexy hairstyle. He still complained about Seris to the bump on his head from where Ash had crashed it into Drogoz, and the lizard was still conveniently missing in action.

Seris rolled her eyes behind her blindfold as Fernando complained not that it hurt but that it ruined his good looks. “Time will heal your wounds, Fernando. I can do no more and I care not for your looks.” She told him. It was a useful thing that most of the Paladins had mistaken the blindfold for her being unable to see, where in reality she saw everything so clearly she had no need of eyesight anymore. In fact, it detracted from her gift.

“Stop complaining about your precious looks, pig. You haven’t got any anyway.” Ash laughed. It was a deliberate provocation and Fernando just sat back with a small, offended pout. After all, he was the hottest one on the team, right? Right? He tried to act all confident but even the Self Appointed Knight felt insecure sometimes, although he did his best to mask it quickly, putting on a smile.

“You are just jealous, amigo. After all, we all know that I am the sexiest member of this team.” Fernando boasted.

“We all know that you are the most big headed member of the team, ‘amigo’.” Maeve answered back, harmlessly teasing. He was begging for it.

It started a small debate on who was truly the sexiest person on the team. At some point, without them noticing, their camp grew by two unexpected Dragonborn guests.

“I think you’ll find that I’m the sexiest person on this team.” Sariel interrupted soon enough with a somewhat amused expression. She would admit that she’d never had two ‘guns’, a flamethrower and two daggers pointed at her so fast in all her life. Then again, she’d never had a combination like that pointed at her in all her life. The only one that didn’t become aggressive was Seris.

“Hello wanderers, Sariel and Seris. We weren’t expecting guests.” Seris greeted them. Almost before she had finished talking though, Fernando had dropped his lance and grabbed the two Dragonborns with both arms, squishing himself between them.

“My, damsels, you look even more beautiful out here than in that place of hell! Do tell my friends how I heroically rescued you from the clutches of the evil monsters, while Ash and Drogoz were kept busy.” Fernando grinned.

“That, or you can let us go and we won’t tell what REALLY happened.” Seris wasted little time answering, feeling already the urge to singe his hair with her magic. Fernando got the hint quickly enough, dropping them and sitting down. “Is he always like that?”

“Only around ladies.” Ash replied, taking a toothpick and chewing the end lightly. “How the hell did you find your way here?”

“No offence, but you guys are stupidly easy to find. Just ask at any town about Paladins they’ll point you in the right direction.” Sariel snorted. “You could at least TRY and cover your tracks if you don’t want to be found.”

“Try to tell the rest of them that.” Seris muttered, before introducing herself. Tyra and Maeve soon did the same, the Untamed dropping two chunks of meat on plates for their new guests while the Paladin of Blades fascinated herself inspecting Sariel’s greatsword. “Sharp weapons are somewhat of a specialty of Maeve’s.” Seris gave by way of explanation.

“So, you here for our showdown?” Ash asked after the introductions, snapping her toothpick. She was trying to be intimidating, bless her.

Dragonborns were immune to intimidation.

“You’ve had a busy day. We can fight in the morning, to give you a chance of lasting even just a few seconds longer.” Seris replied with a small shrug, earning a laugh from Ash.

“Fine, I’ll take that, but I could beat you both now. You’re just dragging out the inevitable.” Ash smirked, even as she turned over into her bedroll for the much needed sleep. Bemused, the rest of the Paladins followed suit, although one later than the others.

Maeve learned the hard way that night why Sariel always kept a dagger in her boot and her admiration of the Dragonborn went up massively in those few seconds she found the dagger plunged into her hand.

Morning found the Paladins in a primarily messy heap. It had gotten cold over the night, leading to them all unknowingly huddling closer to their Front Liners - Fernando might have been a smug bastard, but he was also extremely warm to cuddle against. And a messy sleeper. It took longer than it should just for the five to disentangle themselves from the awkward ways they’d ended up asleep and figure out who’s bedroll was who’s. Seris at some point slipped into the Shadow Realm to avoid the morning mess, and was making some soup for breakfast.

Sariel was sunbathing - In full armour - on the docks while the other Seris meditated, gathering her magicka and the strength of her Voice for the upcoming fight. She’d tried to recommend the same to the Bosmer, but Sariel had just laughed and said that meditation was beyond her at this point and she just wanted to enjoy the sun and climates closer to Valenwood before they returned to the cold, harsh landscape of Skyrim. Seris did not argue that.

“Ready for our throwdown? I’m good to beat you to the dirt any time.” Ash taunted, coming up behind the Dragonborns. She planned on scaring them slightly but apparently elf ears were good at hearing loud, clunky footsteps. The two got up, Sariel stretching and cracking her back while Seris designated yesterday’s capture point as a good place for the battle, since it was even on both sides.

“Do not worry, I’m prepared for the outcome.” The Paladin Seris reassured the two Dragonborns. Sariel went to take her place on one side of the point while Seris hung back slightly.

“You already know who will win, don’t you?” The Dunmer asked, head tilting slightly.

“I know things that are, things that were, and things that have not yet come to pass.” Seris non-answered, earning a laugh from the Dragonborn Seris.

“I like you.” She grinned, giving the Paladin Seris a light punch on the arm, teasing, and running to the battlefield.

“Two Vs One duel, pitting the Dragonborns Sariel and Seris against the Paladin, Ash, known more widely by her title The War Machine. The rules are that you fight using your own abilities with no external aid. The winner is declared either when the other concedes defeat or if the fight cannot continue.” Tyra announced from the sort of impromptu observation platform in the tower.

They started facing opposite ways, Ash to the newly captured base and the Dragonborns to the launching point of yesterday, readying their spells and weapons. A grenade from Tyra’s ‘Nade Launcher served as their queue to begin the fight.

Ash spun around right away, readying her cannon to blast. She expected one of the Dragonborns to charge forward. Instead they both stayed put momentarily, facing towards her and Shouting. “Why are you yelling? I haven’t even started to pound you yet!” Ash taunted.

She didn’t know what ‘FUS RO DAH’ meant, but she knew it could send her flying over the walls uncontrollably into the middle of their camp. Paladin Seris got this slight grin on her face at seeing Ash at a disadvantage. The War Machine didn’t even notice, too busy she was getting angry and charging back into the control point. She dropped down her Siege Shield to temporarily protect herself from the barrage of spells Dragonborn Seris sent her way, the distance covered by the shield enough for her to give the Dunmer a blast to the face with the Burst Cannon.

Dragonborn Seris didn’t even flinch.

The Paladins watched as Ash spent a few minutes being the ball in a round of what appeared more like Dragonborn Ping Pong, being blasted and Shouted across the map, set on fire, frozen, zapped by lightning and slashed at with the greatsword. They - Well, Fernando, Maeve and Tyra - wondered why Ash didn’t just throw in the towel after the first two minutes, but they soon realised why when Ash leaped into the air, yelling “C’MON! LET’S FIGHT!” and slamming her banner into the ground.

For those few seconds, she was immortal. Nothing could even touch her, and she used that to take down the less armoured Dragonborn Seris with an onslaught from her Burst Cannon. Explosives to the face weren’t her strong point and the Dunmer, dripping her own blood everywhere, was forced to withdraw momentarily to use some healing spells. It wasn’t against the rules. Dragonborn Seris didn’t even have to step into the battlefield again.

Ash’s invulnerability wore off after the few seconds and she turned to face Sariel, aiming a blast straight at the remaining Dragonborn. She wasn’t certain what the words ‘WULD NAH KEST’ meant either, but the Shout sent Sariel behind her with such speed she might as well have teleported - maybe she even did - and gave Sariel the time to cast her own invincibility power.

Today she had witnessed the Dragonborns breathing fire, frost, freezing her in place, sending her flying around, becoming ghosts to avoid damage, teleporting, and other things that made her think she was imagining this whole fight. But the sight of Sariel, charging at her with greatsword raised, every shot from the Burst Cannon having exactly no effect, made Ash realise what a stupid idea this fight may actually have been. 

SHE was about to be the one pounded into the dirt.

Sariel had used a higher power to gain half a minute of invulnerability and she planned to use it well. Her greatsword slashed and swung at Ash while the War Machine could only try to back up and dodge, but she ended up taking most of the blows to the face, unable to do anything to deter the Dragonborn. Soon enough she was forced onto her knees, admitting defeat only seconds before she would have had her head parted from her shoulders. HOW Sariel had managed to stop that swing in time, Ash didn’t know, but she was grateful of it. A trip to respawn was not in the list of things she wanted that day if she could avoid it.

“You are both worthy adversaries. Ha! Few could best me in combat like that.” Ash laughed, giving them a warrior’s salute while Paladin Seris jumped into the square to give the War Machine some much needed medical attention.

“You have proven yourself to be an honourable opponent as well.” Sariel acknowledged, saluting back.

“Perhaps one day we could have a rematch of this right. It would be interesting to see, if things might change.” Dragonborn Seris mused, giving a small bow. “Know that you are a welcome warrior in my plane of Mundus, if ever you might drop by for a visit.”

“As you are in mine. May you die with honour and a sword in your hand.” Sariel nodded. Ash laughed at the blessing, but she didn’t argue. She’d ‘die’ with her cannon in hand, every time.

They parted ways as respectful friends, and Fernando gained two new crushes that day.

[djsamaha-blog]

8 Ways to Stop Anger From Stopping Intimacy

Learning how to connect when you’re hurt or angry can lead to greater openness in your relationship.

Every relationship has its share of ups and downs. When disagreements or misunderstandings cause you to become hurt or angry, the intimacy you share with your partner may suffer.

Physical intimacy often takes a hit when you fight with your significant other, especially if you tend to think about sex (or the withholding of sex) as a bargaining tool to resolve issues in your relationship.

Learning how to connect when you’re troubled, hurt, or angry can help defuse negative feelings and lead to greater openness in your relationship. In fact, resolving differences productively without creating distance or impacting your physical relationship can increase feelings of closeness and intimacy and make you that much stronger together.

That all sounds well and good, right? But how do you actually connect physically when you’re feeling hurt or angry? The following strategies can be helpful in resolving relationship conflicts in a productive manner without compromising intimacy.

To know how to make up after a fight, you need communication in order to create a safe space for intimacy and disagreement by doing these 8 things:

1. Establish a Mutual Commitment to Resolving Issues.

Let’s face it, conflict can be challenging. Most of us didn’t go to relationship school. We learned our strategies for navigating conflict from watching our parents disagree.

In the healthiest of homes, your role models may have been screamers and shouters, avoiders, manipulators, or dominators. Or they may have concealed disagreements from you altogether.

In a committed relationship, your inherited conflict-resolution strategies meet your partner’s inherited conflict-resolution strategies. You may spend years figuring out how to develop productive conflict-resolution strategies together.

Along the way, either or both of you may suffer a lack of trust and confidence that issues will be resolved fairly and equitably.

Establishing a mutual commitment to stick with issues until both of you are satisfied with the outcome creates a safe space to engage in disagreement cooperatively instead of as adversaries. I’m reminded of the lyrics to Prince’s “If I Was Your Girlfriend”.

“If I was your one and only friend, would you run to me if somebody hurt you, even if that somebody was me? Yeah, sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.”

Don’t Rely On Solely Sex to Save Your Marriage

2. Create a Context for Physical Intimacy.

Sex can serve many purposes in a relationship — from satisfying physical needs to cultivating intimacy and everything in-between. It can also be a barometer for the current temperature of the relationship.

Are we connecting enough? If not, is there something going on? If we’re connecting plenty, does that mean everything is okay?

While sex may signal something about the health of the relationship, where we get into trouble is when we make assumptions about what it’s signaling, and then don’t talk about it. Checking in on the relationship is important, whether the sex is poppin’ or not.

Further, establishing agreement about what sex means in the context of disagreement can be extremely powerful. Combined with a commitment to resolve issues, mutual agreement that sex does not equal conflict-resolution can create a safe space for physical intimacy in the face of disagreement.

3. Fight Fair and Listen to One Another.

Genuine listening is often the casualty of impassioned emotions, especially when tensions are high. We can become so fixated on advancing our position and advocating for our own needs and perspectives that we forget to really hear our partner.

If pressed, we likely could not articulate our partner’s reasons or motivations for asserting their position. Genuine listening can speed the resolution of conflict, but also create greater understanding, and — yep, you guessed it — intimacy.

YourTango Experts discuss in the video below how couples learn how to fight fair before they escalate.

4. Understand Each Other’s Style.

Do you process information verbally? Or are you a quiet thinker? Do you like to approach problems head on? Or do you prefer to conserve emotional energy?

Each of us navigates the world differently. When tensions are high, we can interpret our partner’s natural tendencies as malicious or contrary. Understanding your style differences can create the capacity for compassion, patience, and cooperation.

Smart couples will set ground rules for arguments to keep confrontations in line. The goal of resolving differences is not to determine who’s right or wrong, but to come up with solutions that work for you both. Ground rules will make it easier for you to connect so you can reach that goal.

Tips for Couples Who Just Can’t Stop Arguing

5. Don’t Jump to Conclusions.

Jumping to conclusions and making wrong assumptions will only escalate an argument. Rather than assume the worst, give your sweetie the benefit of the doubt.

If you want to enjoy a happy and healthy union, start with the assumption that your partner loves you and wants what’s best for your relationship. You may not agree on how to achieve that “best” at the time, but positive assumptions will help you find solutions rather than place the blame.

6. Establish Solid Problem-Solving Strategies and Compromise Effectively.

The (power) struggle is real. Though you and your partner love each other, you’re different people with different backgrounds and different approaches to the world.

No matter how much you have in common, sometimes needs and desires don’t align. However, effective compromise is possible and it doesn’t require sacrificing your needs. Distinguishing each other’s’ must-haves from your nice-to-haves can pave the way for creating win-win agreements.

7. Share Appreciations.

Have you heard that it’s impossible to stay angry and genuinely smile at the same time? Well, gratitude has a similar effect. Reminding yourself of what you appreciate about your partner, sharing small appreciations with one another in the midst of conflict can create the space for cooperation.

Darren Hardy, in The Compound Effect, shared the impact a year of tracking gratitude had on the quality of his marriage:

“My appreciation, gratitude, and intention to find the best in her was something I held in my heart and eyes each day. This caused me to show up differently in my marriage, which, of course, made her respond differently to me. Soon, I had even more things to write in my ThanksGiving journal!”

It may be more challenging to remind yourself of or express small appreciations for your partner when you’re not seeing eye-to-eye, but is there a time when it’s more worth the effort than in those moments?

8. Hit the Pause Button.

When you’re building a life together, not all conflict is able to be resolved in one conversation, or one day, or one week, even. Real life has a tendency to throw its fair share of curve balls, some of them quite significant.

Sometimes, it’s necessary to take a step back, re-examine, re-evaluate, and re-assess before re-engaging. With a mutual commitment to resolving issues, it can be both fair and beneficial to hit the pause button.

Agree upon a period of time to table the conversation. Reflect on your feelings, consider what you’re hearing from your partner, ponder new solutions before continuing the discussion.

Having solid problem-solving strategies will help you both build trust and confidence in your ability to resolve conflict in ways that are satisfying for both of you.

If you’ve been together for a while, you’ve undoubtedly weathered quite a few storms as a couple. That alone shows that you’re in it for the long haul. When faced with tense moments, it’s good to remind yourself that you’re part of a team committed to staying together in good times and in bad.

A satisfying relationship is worth fighting for regardless of how angry you may feel at the moment. Conflicts come and go, but your life will go on. If you keep conflicts in perspective, you’ll realize just how important it is to stay connected and cultivate intimacy rather than distance. Do all you can to protect your future.

Sometimes agreeing to disagree and dropping an issue will defuse a disagreement. Other times, you may need to compromise in order to find common ground. Look for areas you can agree on and work together to resolve personal differences in your life. Consider all sides of the equation and focus on what really counts.

By keeping mind, body and spirit connected, and the lines of communication open between you at all times, you’ll have a happier, more fulfilling relationship that can weather any storm and stand the test of time.

This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: 8 Tips for Connecting Physically With Your Partner, Even When You’re Angry.

Related Articles

http://www.successwize.com/8-ways-to-stop-anger-from-stopping-intimacy/

[psychotherapyconsultants]

8 Ways to Stop Anger From Stopping Intimacy

Learning how to connect when you’re hurt or angry can lead to greater openness in your relationship.

Every relationship has its share of ups and downs. When disagreements or misunderstandings cause you to become hurt or angry, the intimacy you share with your partner may suffer.

Physical intimacy often takes a hit when you fight with your significant other, especially if you tend to think about sex (or the withholding of sex) as a bargaining tool to resolve issues in your relationship.

Learning how to connect when you’re troubled, hurt, or angry can help defuse negative feelings and lead to greater openness in your relationship. In fact, resolving differences productively without creating distance or impacting your physical relationship can increase feelings of closeness and intimacy and make you that much stronger together.

That all sounds well and good, right? But how do you actually connect physically when you’re feeling hurt or angry? The following strategies can be helpful in resolving relationship conflicts in a productive manner without compromising intimacy.

To know how to make up after a fight, you need communication in order to create a safe space for intimacy and disagreement by doing these 8 things:

1. Establish a Mutual Commitment to Resolving Issues.

Let’s face it, conflict can be challenging. Most of us didn’t go to relationship school. We learned our strategies for navigating conflict from watching our parents disagree.

In the healthiest of homes, your role models may have been screamers and shouters, avoiders, manipulators, or dominators. Or they may have concealed disagreements from you altogether.

In a committed relationship, your inherited conflict-resolution strategies meet your partner’s inherited conflict-resolution strategies. You may spend years figuring out how to develop productive conflict-resolution strategies together.

Along the way, either or both of you may suffer a lack of trust and confidence that issues will be resolved fairly and equitably.

Establishing a mutual commitment to stick with issues until both of you are satisfied with the outcome creates a safe space to engage in disagreement cooperatively instead of as adversaries. I’m reminded of the lyrics to Prince’s “If I Was Your Girlfriend”.

“If I was your one and only friend, would you run to me if somebody hurt you, even if that somebody was me? Yeah, sometimes I trip on how happy we could be.”

Don’t Rely On Solely Sex to Save Your Marriage

2. Create a Context for Physical Intimacy.

Sex can serve many purposes in a relationship — from satisfying physical needs to cultivating intimacy and everything in-between. It can also be a barometer for the current temperature of the relationship.

Are we connecting enough? If not, is there something going on? If we’re connecting plenty, does that mean everything is okay?

While sex may signal something about the health of the relationship, where we get into trouble is when we make assumptions about what it’s signaling, and then don’t talk about it. Checking in on the relationship is important, whether the sex is poppin’ or not.

Further, establishing agreement about what sex means in the context of disagreement can be extremely powerful. Combined with a commitment to resolve issues, mutual agreement that sex does not equal conflict-resolution can create a safe space for physical intimacy in the face of disagreement.

3. Fight Fair and Listen to One Another.

Genuine listening is often the casualty of impassioned emotions, especially when tensions are high. We can become so fixated on advancing our position and advocating for our own needs and perspectives that we forget to really hear our partner.

If pressed, we likely could not articulate our partner’s reasons or motivations for asserting their position. Genuine listening can speed the resolution of conflict, but also create greater understanding, and — yep, you guessed it — intimacy.

YourTango Experts discuss in the video below how couples learn how to fight fair before they escalate.

4. Understand Each Other’s Style.

Do you process information verbally? Or are you a quiet thinker? Do you like to approach problems head on? Or do you prefer to conserve emotional energy?

Each of us navigates the world differently. When tensions are high, we can interpret our partner’s natural tendencies as malicious or contrary. Understanding your style differences can create the capacity for compassion, patience, and cooperation.

Smart couples will set ground rules for arguments to keep confrontations in line. The goal of resolving differences is not to determine who’s right or wrong, but to come up with solutions that work for you both. Ground rules will make it easier for you to connect so you can reach that goal.

Tips for Couples Who Just Can’t Stop Arguing

5. Don’t Jump to Conclusions.

Jumping to conclusions and making wrong assumptions will only escalate an argument. Rather than assume the worst, give your sweetie the benefit of the doubt.

If you want to enjoy a happy and healthy union, start with the assumption that your partner loves you and wants what’s best for your relationship. You may not agree on how to achieve that “best” at the time, but positive assumptions will help you find solutions rather than place the blame.

6. Establish Solid Problem-Solving Strategies and Compromise Effectively.

The (power) struggle is real. Though you and your partner love each other, you’re different people with different backgrounds and different approaches to the world.

No matter how much you have in common, sometimes needs and desires don’t align. However, effective compromise is possible and it doesn’t require sacrificing your needs. Distinguishing each other’s’ must-haves from your nice-to-haves can pave the way for creating win-win agreements.

7. Share Appreciations.

Have you heard that it’s impossible to stay angry and genuinely smile at the same time? Well, gratitude has a similar effect. Reminding yourself of what you appreciate about your partner, sharing small appreciations with one another in the midst of conflict can create the space for cooperation.

Darren Hardy, in The Compound Effect, shared the impact a year of tracking gratitude had on the quality of his marriage:

“My appreciation, gratitude, and intention to find the best in her was something I held in my heart and eyes each day. This caused me to show up differently in my marriage, which, of course, made her respond differently to me. Soon, I had even more things to write in my ThanksGiving journal!”

It may be more challenging to remind yourself of or express small appreciations for your partner when you’re not seeing eye-to-eye, but is there a time when it’s more worth the effort than in those moments?

8. Hit the Pause Button.

When you’re building a life together, not all conflict is able to be resolved in one conversation, or one day, or one week, even. Real life has a tendency to throw its fair share of curve balls, some of them quite significant.

Sometimes, it’s necessary to take a step back, re-examine, re-evaluate, and re-assess before re-engaging. With a mutual commitment to resolving issues, it can be both fair and beneficial to hit the pause button.

Agree upon a period of time to table the conversation. Reflect on your feelings, consider what you’re hearing from your partner, ponder new solutions before continuing the discussion.

Having solid problem-solving strategies will help you both build trust and confidence in your ability to resolve conflict in ways that are satisfying for both of you.

If you’ve been together for a while, you’ve undoubtedly weathered quite a few storms as a couple. That alone shows that you’re in it for the long haul. When faced with tense moments, it’s good to remind yourself that you’re part of a team committed to staying together in good times and in bad.

A satisfying relationship is worth fighting for regardless of how angry you may feel at the moment. Conflicts come and go, but your life will go on. If you keep conflicts in perspective, you’ll realize just how important it is to stay connected and cultivate intimacy rather than distance. Do all you can to protect your future.

Sometimes agreeing to disagree and dropping an issue will defuse a disagreement. Other times, you may need to compromise in order to find common ground. Look for areas you can agree on and work together to resolve personal differences in your life. Consider all sides of the equation and focus on what really counts.

By keeping mind, body and spirit connected, and the lines of communication open between you at all times, you’ll have a happier, more fulfilling relationship that can weather any storm and stand the test of time.

This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: 8 Tips for Connecting Physically With Your Partner, Even When You’re Angry.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/11/09/8-ways-to-stop-anger-from-stopping-intimacy/

[wellmeaningshutin]

Short Story #61: Poachers.

Written: 3/9/2017

-You ever notice how poaching hasn’t been as easy as it used to be? Its just nothing like when I started.

-What do you mean by easy? When has this job ever really been easy? If this job was easy, then I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have a big fucking scar right across your face.

-I mean, not as easy. As easy. This has always been a rough job, I’ve lost a lot of friends-

-I swear, I’m still going to find an kill that tiger that took-

-Yeah, yeah. Okay hotshot, but know that bigger men than you have died from this. All it takes is one wrong move.

-Don’t you think I know that? My whole life I know this. As a kid they give me a gun and tell me to shoot the rebels, they tell me that we must serve the general, everything for the general. Pah. I’ve seen my fair share of friends die, I’ve lived knowing this my whole life, and I know man is more dangerous than any damn animal out there.

-Keep thinking like that, and you’re going to get too confident. Get too confident-

-And I’ll end up as dinner. Yeah yeah. So whats easy about this job?

-Weren’t you just saying that animals are nothing compared to men? Weren’t you just calling this job easy a sec-

-Just because I compared it to war does not mean that it is easy compared to all other positions. Look at the farmers, the people who work in the plantations, thats easy work. You pick coffee all day and then you get paid for it. We’re killers, we have to go out every day not knowing if we’ll come back, because we also hunt killers. If you’re not the top predator, the, what’s that called?

-The apex.

-If you’re not an apex, you’re just going to end up somewhere on the food chain. And let me tell you, there is no such thing as an apex. No creature is invincible, no matter how much they have killed. So, no, this is not an easy job. Just because panthers do not have AK’s, doesn’t mean this job is any bit easy. A panther is still a panther, a cheetah can still out run a man, a-

-Yeah yeah, I’ve killed plenty of animals too. You don’t need to tell me about the occupational hazards. Every day I go out and kill something. I see your point now, there are many people out there who do not kill, and do not put themselves in danger, but isn’t this a dangerous world we live in? Just because we seek out the danger doesn’t mean that it isn’t everywhere. How can those plantation workers protect themselves from a predator if one happens to come by?

-I do not know this, maybe they prey. Who am I to know what goes on in their minds. All I am is a predator, I only know-

-What about this. What happens to the gazelle? What are their lives like, what to they do when they run into danger? Into somebody like us?

-Well, the gazelle runs, but they have no reason to fear us. We only want the predators, thats where the big money is.

-So, when the farmers encounter bad men, dangerous men like us, do they run?

-Well, yeah, but they have plenty of reason to. There are plenty of people out there who will kill-

-But the gazelle is in no danger like us, so-

-We are not animals. Do not use animals to try to understand people, it makes no sense. Chimps fling their shit and eat all of the other monkeys that come into their territory, but that does not mean that people do the same. Birds can fly but people cannot. The hippopotamus can use its jaws to sink a boat, but yesterday you chipped a tooth when you fell onto a rock. We are different creatures.

-What about the armies, the rebels and that bullshit, do you think they are not like animals? Aren’t they-

-But the purpose of those men are to become like animals. If you are a part of that life, you know that it isn’t human. They are bad men, none of it could be compared to normal people.

-What about us, are we bad men?

-Why do you ask this? What is so bad about us, we get rid of the dangers of the world. Every lion we kill means that normal people will not have to worry about lions.

-How is that different from your time in the militia?

-Because there, every person you killed saved nobody. We were the lions. We were the danger that the weak had to worry about. And when it was all over, and peace had finally been found, a new insurrection would start. It was a cycle of violence, and being a part of it only kept that cycle going.

-Okay, but what about the creatures that aren’t lions? What about the elephants, the rhinoceros? They do very little to harm people, and they are of little danger. What is the good from hunting them?

-…

-And the birds that we sometimes catch, those beautiful birds, what have they done to anybody? What do we gain from that.

-Money. We make our living.

-But couldn’t we make a living in easier ways? Aren’t we just what the militia was to the animals?

-But animals are not like people, I have said this. They do not think like we do, they cannot suffer. There is no threat of safety to them, they do not understand fear, its just instinct. They do things but they do not know why. They cannot sit here and ask questions like we are. They cannot understand pain. It is like breaking a chair. What is wrong about that?

-How do you know that animals cannot think like we do? How do you know that they do not understand pain?

-Because that is what being human is about, being able to understand things. When I was in the militia, there was supposed to be no understanding. We could not sit around and question everything like we’re doing now. Somebody would point and we would shoot. They would tell us to burn and we would burn. Like a dog doing tricks, like a monkey smoking a cigarette, just actions done because of something outside of ourselves.

-There is more to the world than your time in the militia.

-If you have lived like I have, you would know that-

-If you lived like I have, you would know other things too. Life is not black and white. Its not so easy to say that animals cannot think because you used to not think. Have you studied animals?

-I know a lot about animals, I have killed plenty of them. Every day I kill.

-So you know how to shoot them, but do you know anything other than that? That is just one side of it all.

-What more is there to know? Life is danger, killing is the highest form of danger, so to know how to kill is to know life.

-Okay, think about it this way. You spent a lot of time in the militia, right? You learned a lot about killing and that stuff, but did you ever know the reasons behind it all? Did you know about the politics you were fighting for?

-Politics? It was never about fucking politics. It was just about power, one group taking control of everything. If you want control of the water you shoot the man who has the water. If you want food you shoot the man who has all of the food. This is all it was about. There was no change, it was just people fighting over the same thing, and they are still fighting about it, but the people are just different now. You talk of saying there is more out there, but you do not realize that everything falls back onto death. Death is everything. We live in a world ruled by death. She is the only thing with any say, she is the only one worth knowing, because everything relates back to her.

-So-

-You ask if we are the bad guys because we send creatures to their deaths, I say no, because they cannot feel. You question if they can, and if then it is bad, and I still say no. We all die at some point, everybody dies, it does not matter who commits the act.

-What about protecting people from lions? If death doesn’t matter, and-

-People can think so they can appreciate their freedom from death, so it is worth making sure that they are around to enjoy life. The lion cannot understand it, so it is okay to stop if from living, something it doesn’t understand, in order to protect the creature that can think. Give them more time to think, that is what we do.

-But, what about the animals that do not kill, like I said-

-I have already explained this! They don’t think like we do, so there is nothing bad in killing them!

-But how do you know that, you say you understand animals because you fought your whole life, but who is to say that everything is about that? I am only trying to say that-

-You are saying the same things, I am saying the same things, there is not much to talk about. All that is happening is we are sitting here, trying to change the other’s mind, while refusing to listen to what the other person has to say. What is the point in any of this?

-I wanted to have a discussion.

-A discussion is different, it would mean that we would be open to what the other has to say. This is an impasse, because nothing we do can change the outcome. There is nothing to discuss because we are both set in our ways. You only use that word to make yourself sound right, but really you are no different than I am.

-Where are you going.

-I’m getting angry, and this is supposed to be my down time. This is supposed to be time I get to spend being calm. I’m looking for the, where is the cannabis?

-Its in the monkey skull over there, inside the eye. No, the other skull, the one by the tiger pelt.

-I do not know why you have not sold this thing, we could make a lot of money off of it.

-I thought that if we kill so many animals, we might as well keep something for ourselves, at least other than all these skulls. Why not make our place look nice?

-Because it could burn to the ground any day now, there is no reason to put so much time into it.

-Are you almost done rolling that?

-Get off my ass, it will be done when it is done.

-Have I ever told you that you are very angry for being so young?

-I am not young, I am sixteen.

-In some parts of the world you aren’t old until you get into your 60’s.

-That is a fairy tale, who gets that old? If you want to be that old you will have to live in a cave somewhere, where nothing can find you.

-But then what if somebody else wants to live for a long time, and they find the cave.

-Then I was right and nobody can get that- oh. This tastes awful, where did you buy this from?

-Uh, I think it was from.. You know the butcher, back in town? I think it was from his son.

-Well do not buy from him anymore, because this is terrible.

-You know how monkeys smoke cigarettes sometimes?

-Yeah, I’ve seen people give them to the things, and they puff like a normal person. What about it?

-Do you think that they could get high too? Do drugs effect animals? Like, if a monkey came into this window, and I handed it this, do you think it would sit around like we would?

-No.

-Why do you think so?

-Because they can’t think, what is there to effect them? When I smoke this, it is like I see the world in a sort of different way. It is like everything is clearer, but it only lasts for the moment. What effects could they have on monkeys if they cannot see the world in the first place?

-You think that they do not see the world? Why would you think such a thing? How do you think that they find fruit, how they move around in the forest, how they can pick up and accept cigarettes? Doesn’t that show that they have some understanding of how some things are? That they can see and think and make decisions?

-No, they are all acting on instinct. All animals do is to just survive. Danger comes and they run away to survive. They eat food to survive. They fuck so that there will be more of them to survive. They cry out when they are attacked so that other animals will survive. There is nothing they do for fun, there is nothing that shows that they think.

-Bullshit.

-What? You’ve been around animals longer than I have, how could you not agree?

-Why would monkeys smoke if there is no survival purpose to it? How does that fit into your black and white ideas about animals? Why do, you remember the other day? When we were walking along the beach, and we saw that group of monkeys splashing around in the water? Were they not having fun? How does that fit survival? Doesn’t that show that they have some level of thought that is similar to our own consciousness? You remembered that monkey that picked up the frog-

-Yeah, and then it tried to fuck it. Hahaha. That was a good day. Okay. But what if its just monkeys that are like that? Aren’t people supposed to be similar to monkeys? Don’t we come from the same place? So what if they just have the early version of thought, but what we have is-

-Why do we have to be more advanced? What makes people so special?

-Look at all these houses, these guns, these-

-Yeah, but its like you said earlier about how much we destroy. You can not understand why I would keep the pelt, because you know that some other person will come by and ruin it. What makes humans so special, huh? Aren’t we basically animals? Why wouldn’t other animals sit around and question if humans can think or not? Don’t we just seem dumb and destructive to them? The other day we find a nice, happy, family of lions and we went in and murdered them, and why wouldn’t they think of us as some awful threat?

-Wait… When I tried to say my time in the militia was like being an animal, you said-

-I said, well, I was going to correct you on that but…

-What?

-Oh yeah. You said the militia was like being an animal, but all humans are like animals, we are all-

-But your point earlier, you said-

-I don’t remember the point I made earlier. You have to admit, the pelt does look nice.

-It does. How come the pelt was all you kept of the tiger? What about the rest?

-What else would I keep? The pelt is the only appealing part, and we could make money from the rest. We could buy better things than tiger meat and bones. What would I want?

-What about its penis?

-Don’t tell me you believe in that.

-What is not to believe? You eat the penis of the animal and it-

-Yeah, but that is all a lot of nonsense. All you are doing is eating the penis of an animal, but you’re trying to pretend its something else.

-Tradition says-

-Tradition says a lot of dumb shit. You know how those things start? One guy a long time ago says something for some reason, and then people keep copying him, and then somehow you end up with a lot of people doing that thing but the original reason is gone. I bet you that the whole virility thing started when one guy kept eating animal penis, only because he liked it. And then another guy walked in on him, and he asked, “What the hell are you doing? Why would you eat the penis of an animal?” And the guy probably was embarrassed and lied about it. He probably told the other guy something about virility, and now all of these people are eating the penises of animals because some guy was too embarrassed to admit that he liked the taste.

-Huh. People are really dumb.

-Yep, just like animals. We are all stupid and then we die. The biggest lie anyone can tell themselves is that they are not an idiot.

-Hahahaha.

-What is so funny?

-I was thinking about the guy being walked in on when he is eating a penis. Its too much for me right now.

-It is nice to see that you can be something other than angry. All the time you are angry-

-I can be happy, I just have to smoke first. I have to smoke happiness. Why is it such a surprise that I am angry all of the time? What do I have to be happy about? Death comes and ruins everything around us, and that is something that we have to deal with. You know what the bad part about being alive is? You have to understand death. Dead people do not know they are dead, and they can’t even think about it. They do not have to worry about anything, they are dead. But being alive means that you have to worry about death all of the time, and survival is just living long enough to see other people die. Every day I go outside and I have to stay focused or I know that it could be the end. No more. You could be bit my a mosquito and that’s it. You could get AIDS and then you are dead too. You could get dysentery and shit yourself to death. Why would I be happy when I am surrounded by this? What is there to be happy about?

-You hear that?

-What?

-The birds? Do you hear the birds? Aren’t their calls beautiful, isn’t that something to be happy about?

-All birds remind me of are the ones that we sold. They may sound beautiful but their lives are filled with-

-Ah! So you do admit that animals can think like we do.

-You got me. I guess you are right, no big deal. You had to wait until I was high until I was convinced, so I would not consider it a victory. It is just the same as killing a man in his sleep.

-But the man is still dead, so isn’t it an achievement anyways?

-No, because you still killed, and you did it without him being able to fight. Sure, it is the same goal, but it is no challenge, and should not be treated like it was one.

-Why is it so bad to kill?

-I do not want to talk about this anymore. I did not get high just to get into a worse mood. All this talk of right and wrong, death, all of it, what is the point of it?

-What? Wouldn’t it help to know-

-What do we know? We just keep guessing but we know nothing, and all that happens is now we feel worse about death. I was fine with killing animals and now you make me question that. What else could I do? All I know is killing. What do you know? Killing.

-Actually I was a diamond miner before-

-But that is not a job you would want to return to, is it?

-No, it was no way to spend a life.

-And this is all we have, there is no more for us to do. What do we know? Just killing. I refuse to join any militia or government, and I am done with killing people. We kill animals because that’s all we can do to get by, but now you want to question that, you want to make me feel bad about my job when its all I can do. I will not live a long time, so why should I feel bad about it, what do you gain from-

-Shhh.

-What? Why do you have to interrupt me?

-Just listen to the birds. Eventually you will lose your train of thought, and then all you will think about is their beautiful sound. Just listen to the birds and forget about the world.