#so. i get a bit of the male population experience that when they're not thinking their head is really that empty

[iftitah]

i think im getting better at living in the moment

[misscammiedawn]

You may have discussed it before, but would you mind speaking a little bit on how you discovered you have DID?

I feel like I have a pretty stable core identity but there have been times under intense stress where I’ve experienced sudden “switches” in my personality. During a particularly bad period for a little over a year there was a time where I distinctly felt like a different person and did things I wouldn’t normally do, and I remember the specific moment where I came back into my body and became “me” again. This doesn’t happen often, but it has happened more than once throughout my life. When I see people talk about plurality I feel a little confused because their identities often seem to have their own names and genders and ages and backstories, and it seems so cut-and-dry.

I know these are all things to discuss with my therapist but I love how you talk about your own experiences. How can you differentiate between DID and other kinds of dissociation?

Thank you for asking, anon! I'm glad you are going to talk to your therapist about it while also doing the reading and reaching out-- heaven knows our own journey within the US mental healthcare system was rocky at best. The latest chapter of Madison/Belladonna is heavily sourced from IRL circumstances both in receiving the diagnosis and the decades long journey in the mental healthcare system to get there.

But to answer more directly-- (as always we are answering from a psychopathology lens for care and treatment, we recognize the beauty of plurality and do not reduce ALL experiences to mental healthcare concerns, we are approaching our own situation and experiences this way as it is how we lived it)

Our journey was guided from the outside. Both therapists and our partner who was able to see these "mood swings" in us were able to gently guide us to water despite our fierce denial and rejection of our situation. What started as "we're fine" turned to "mood swings" turned to "BPD" turned to "---maybe we should read up on OSDD?" Turned to our current therapist telling us over a year ago that we had DID after months of testing and interviewing to determine.

I should also note I likely realized it MULTIPLE times in my history and buried it again and again. I legitimately think that people in my former life knew and either assumed I knew too or worse I had told them and forgot that I told them. It worries me because I cannot ever be certain. I once asked my ex-wife about it after the divorce/diagnosis and she did say it was weird how she had a "different husband" depending on environment and social group. She said she never noticed it during the interactions, but she would always think back and feel that the "me" in any given moment was different from the ones she observed in social/work situations etc.

So like--- even if people notice, sometimes they don't even realize what they're seeing. Honestly I go full No Mask at work even when a male part fronts and no one really bats an eye. I don't think *most* people are as observant as we worry they are.

ANYWAY! Looking back these are the signs that I ignored:

- I not just wrote a consistent journal through every phase of my life (even going as far as to have a "memory list" that I populated "when I felt like it" (<- IE: when a part that associated with the memory was fronting and wanted to type about it) and more importantly I READ it. Often. I sometimes think that the majority of our memories are just imagined versions of what we wrote. That notion is helped by the fact we [used to] stop journaling during times of crisis or delete journal/chat log to prevent us thinking about distressing things.

- I wrote a lot of plural characters in my stories since my teenage years. Kinda like I kept writing female versions of myself? Funny how the Trans and DID acceptance arcs are so dang similar.

- I would emotionally cave in on myself after gatherings, berating myself for how I had acted all evening. Getting deeply upset at how "out of control" I was. We outright AVOID mood altering substances like alcohol or weed.

- When talking about traumatic memories we typically just tell the story rote. It doesn't bother us. We told therapists without batting an eyelid. This is dissociation. We were disconnecting ourselves from our memories. Emotionally distancing ourselves from the experiences.

- In the same vein, when we remember things we imagine things in locations like a 3rd person camera. Not populated. We don't hear or feel or associate. It's just a place and a knowledge. Our whole "context packet" thing where we just understand something without *feeling* it.

- Deleted emails and chatlogs, references to things we don't remember. Discord messages with people we don't remember talking to. It bothers me how many people in our online communities we were actually close to at some stage of our life and then erased. This is specific to us but Dawn has opened many accounts in the hypnokink community and Camden has shut them down and this has happened so many times that we don't even get upset when we find a buried email from 2013 with sign-up to a Yahoo Email account we don't remember having. That sounds dramatic. It's more just. Go into your emails, pull stuff up from 5-10 years ago and just scroll a while. See how much you remember and associate into. It's NORMAL to forget what websites you were browsing a decade ago. It's not normal to have an entire *LIFE* you hid from yourself.

- Sometimes people just... saw/knew us before we did and there were times when they would describe a version of us they weren't supposed to see and we got complete dysphoria over it. Sometimes it as joyful. Someone we love saw Cammie well enough to say when we transitioned that they wanted to see that "windswept girl with the big smile" all of the time. Sometimes it's mortifying, like when someone approaches Camden as if she is Dawn and Camden REJECTED that side of us so heavily that it caused emotional meltdowns and turmoil because Camden didn't WANT to be a sexy confident domme, she could barely see herself as a woman, when people saw the wrong version of us *without permission* it was just a violation that made things WORSE.

- On that note-- meltdowns-- we mentioned the whole "after a social gathering we'd emotionally cave in on ourselves" thing, there was a lot of that. After work we'd get a complete drop from having to be in Manager Mode all day or we'd have a crisis after erotic intimacy encounters because we're sex repulsed ace. The fact is our nervous system was activated during those times, our survival instincts were kicked in and brought the part associated to the surface to DEAL and when they backed off our body was still reacting to the trauma trigger and it would cause us to implode.

All of these things in therapy brought us to the conclusion of BPD. Because therapists be like that at times. A *TRAUMA* therapist gave us some DES-II, MID and ACE tests and worked out what was going on within 3 months.

It took a further 6-9 months with constant support from loved ones who were able to see us as individuals to *ACCEPT* it. This is a denial disorder, it doesn't want to be found. Asking questions, being honest and being accepting is the best way to come to terms with it. I wish it were easier and I wish you luck and support in your journey. Our inbox is always open!

You're not alone <3

[emblazonet]

Moreta: Dragonlady of Pern

THIS BOOK IS SO GOOD!! It's so good! This is 100% my favourite Pern book so far. The characters are all great. The setting felt alive and interesting. The stakes were fucking high. I knew Moreta was going to die, in the way you know Vanyel is going to die in The Last Herald-Mage trilogy, because we're going back in time to explore the life of a characters from an in-universe ballad, and it made me love her more.

It's also about a pandemic, but in a soothing way? Honestly it was SUCH a relief to read a story about people just fucking doing the work of Dealing With A Contagious Flu without much of the bullshittery we've all had to live through these past three years.

This got long, so more under the cut!

There are no psycho anti-vax cults in Pern. The small population scattered over a continent that's constantly being besieged by Thread does not, generally, have the luxury of either the greed we've gotten to witness IRL nor the misinformation campaigns. Characters that hoard are stolen from; characters who try to prevent vaccination are villains in the narrative and the good guys go into their territory to vaccinate—that's Moreta's final heroic moment! She dies, not from the disease but from exhaustion, to ensure everyone gets vaccinated to PREVENT A SECOND WAVE.

I expected to feel re-traumatized by the pandemic conflict. Instead, it felt healing to read about these characters. It felt affirming. It made me feel better about my choice to continue wearing a mask in public. It felt invigorating: ok, so my world isn't as sensible as Pern's, but it's still worth it to fight disease, to fight the depression and apathy—in short, it did exactly what a fantasy book is supposed to do. Inspire. I don't know that this will be everyone's take away, but it was mine.

This book gets so much right, I can't even believe this is the same author who wrote all those other Pern books I've read so far. (How did we jump from the crap of The White Dragon into this? HOW?) All these things:

Despite there being SO MANY characters, the book largely juggles its cast well, and while I often forgot names, the context usually helped me out. Every character actually felt unique and distinct and like they had different lives they were living.

Moreta and Alessan's relationship was so well done. You know it's not a romance that will go anywhere, so it feels precious when they snatch some time together. Also, Alessan is just an attractive dude character? Unlike any other of the male leads in a Pern book, Alessan appeals to me.

The relationship between Moreta and the older queen rider, Leri—UGH MY HEART. At the beginning of the book I was worried Moreta would have the 'not like other girls' vibe... I needn't worried. Leri as mentor, accomplice and friend is everything I could have asked for in a female friendship. And Moreta has other relationships and positive experiences with women, and it's so good, but what she has with Leri is so special.

The way the book builds this yearning for Moreta to be able to fly Orlith again, and then at the end she's with Leri's exhausted Holth, and they die away from their partners in the line of duty—I CRIED OK. It was so much. It was so good.

Only small bits of time travel, smart avoidance of paradoxes, thank you.

I was super invested in Moreta's healing of the Thread-damaged dragon wings. The whole process of healing dragons was super interesting!

Loved that Threadfall kept on happening throughout, it made the stakes even higher in the best way possible.

There were things I think could have been better:

I didn't enjoy Moreta's introduction and it made me feel like the book was gonna suck lol, she was arguing with Nesso and then talking about her body in a way that just felt dated and weird.

Everyone on Pern must have the same blood type I guess? Because they're just using extracted blood to make the vaccine, and the vaccine appears to have no ill effect. Honestly, the book had so much going on I'm pretty grateful it didn't go into Accurate Medical Science, but it did feel incredibly oversimplified.

Telgar Weyr's Weyrleader just sort of like decides everyone's not allowed into his territory and fuck you guys but I didn't really get a feel for that character at all or where he was coming from? So it undermined Moreta's end sacrifice a bit, because the ending felt rushed.

I really wanted Sh'gall to do something so egregiously annoying that someone yelled at him. Sh'gall was basically the comic relief though, I generally enjoyed how useless he was lol.

Overall? 11/10 and I REALLY hope the rest of the Pern books are this good! I'm going to pick back up in January with Nerilka's Story.

[feminismisstillahatemovement]

I appreciate your answer about sex, (but do find it unsatisfactory to exclude outliers because they're inconvenient.) Incidentally, have you asked yourself what constitutes a medical condition as opposed to a natural variation? Why isn't left-handedness a medical condition when it clearly makes life harder? How about extreme introversion? -- Id ssy it boils down to values. The things we consider conditions are largely (90%) that which society does does not value. Which is why I find your hand-waving towards medical conditions unsatisfactory. It's not based in science, it's based in feeling and sentiment.

"I appreciate your answer about sex, (but do find it unsatisfactory to exclude outliers because they're inconvenient.)"

I don't see how pointing out that medical conditions that only affect 1 in however many tens of thousands of people cannot be held up as the everyday norm and be meaningfully reflective of the wider population or our general definitions of male and female is excluding outliers: I've taken the time to actively address them, and weigh up their relevance in the matter under discussion, even though it's a bit like talking about the influence and importance of a single raindrop falling in the ocean.

There's a rare medical condition called Auto-Brewery Syndrome, in which alcohol is produced in a non-drinker's stomach only through the fermentation of carbohydrate-rich food: are we excluding and 'erasing' those sufferers by not talking about them every time we discuss alcoholism or pub closing times or instruct people not to drink and drive? Or do we just all realize that outlier will not have any meaningful application in these matters for 99.99% of the people we are addressing?

There's another extremely rare condition known as 'aquagenic urticaria'; an allergy to water, in which itchy hives break out on people's bodies whenever they are exposed to it. Are we cruelly excluding the experiences of those people by not bringing them up every time we talk about going swimming or taking a shower? Should their existence make us reconsider everything we know about human beings and H20?

Also, I'm humouring you because it's an interesting topic to explore and think on, but it must be pointed out that I'm really not here to "satisfy" you in any way: you are the one putting forth the brand new, untested and outlandish position that a person can simply choose their sex or race or height or number of eyes (delete as applicable), and that the rest of the world must fall in line with that belief. But the overwhelming majority of the human race does not agree with that belief, and never has: therefore, the burden of proof and argument must remain with you.

"Incidentally, have you asked yourself what constitutes a medical condition as opposed to a natural variation? Why isn't left-handedness a medical condition when it clearly makes life harder?"

I suppose one of the differences would be that around 10% or more of the population is left-handed, and it has been reliably documented for hundreds of years in a way that the present explosion of teenage girls wanting to have their breasts cut off has not. There is, in fact, no precedent for the present situation - it doesn't even resemble the documented (and disproportionately male) cases of transvestisism throughout history.

Also, I don't see how being left-handed makes LIFE 'harder', other than human-made objects like tin openers are set up for use by the majority: I'm not aware that left-handed people are massively more likely to kill themselves than righties, for instance, or that there's huge numbers of left-handers getting both hands cut off and swapped and stitched back on so that they can feel normal.

I know the transgenderist argument is that there has apparently been a large increase in the visibility of left-handed people since religious superstitions fell by the wayside and schools stopped forcing them to write with their other hand, and hence the number of male rapists today identifying as women once arrested must simply be because of the removal of the stigma around doing so, and that these courageous and beautiful women are at last able to live their truth out in the open, or at least in the general population of a women's prison.

But is that really the only explanation? Is that really the best explanation?

To take a different example from the news, this past year there has been an unprecedented rise in people throwing soup at culturally invaluable paintings: is this best explained as something that people have always innately needed to do whenever they see a beautiful work of art, and as necessary to them as breathing for them to keep on living, but have always just been unjustly prevented from doing so by the soupnormative paintriarchy, or is it more likely that most of the people doing it today are gripped with an ideologically-created hysteria, that has told them they will be admired or rewarded in some way by their teachers and peers for doing so, which in turn will make them feel they are good and special?

Although in the case of the wide variety of medical and psychological conditions that are presently being included in the umbrella category of "gender" there must be many, many factors to take into consideration, my impression continues to be that foremost among them has to be social contagion.

"I find your hand-waving towards medical conditions unsatisfactory. "

"It's not based in science, it's based in feeling and sentiment."

Pot, meet kettle.

[mangoshorthand]

i just read the venus and cupid fic you wrote for my request and i love it. body image and feeling dysphoric has been a pretty common thread throughout my life, and i’ve had experiences that have only emphasised this: the one i told you about, i’ve had a (now ex) friend tell me in earnest she doesn’t believe anyone could love a fat person and it would only ever be a fetish, among others. i’ve been getting more confident lately and have a better image of my body but i still get phases where those particular moments ring through my head. long way of saying thank you.

No problem, sweetheart I really, really resonate with you. I felt gross and dysphoric for a long time too. Boys at school used to use the idea of me in a sexual context as the butt of their jokes. I still have days when I hate my body and feel all wrong. I can't tell you that is ever fully goes away, but, like you are experiencing, it does get better.

Your friend is not only wrong, but clearly doesn't even understand what love is. This is something we should pity her for. There are quite a lot of fat people, and they are often in long term relationships. Is she suggesting that all their partners, (representing a significant proportion of the population) have a 'fetish'? Even allowing such a ridiculous notion, does she think that people with fetishes are incapable of love? What a stupid and patently wrong statement to make. I have been with my man for a long time. I am attracted to Five because they're alike to the point that it's spooky. They look similar, they share a similar type of intelligence, they have a similar body shape, body language and facial features, and both are old men trapped in the bodies of young men. I don't say this to boast, but I am large. A size 18-20 in UK size, (14-16 US) and I never want for male attention: My man adores me, and while my shape is irrelevant to how he feels, he certainly enjoys the way my body looks with a bit of something to hold onto. The way Five looks at you in the fic, that's the way my man looks at me, and he's not an anomaly either. Men ask for my number semi-regularly, and I promise I'm nothing special in the looks department. What I am is outwardly confident, humorous and stylish: that's what makes me attractive to those who find me hot. Seriously: the hatred of fat people (particularly women) in our society isn't innate; it isn't the 'natural state; of what men are supposed to find unattractive. Just look at renaissance art. It's full of fat women:

Venus and Cupid - Titian (c. 1555) There's a reason the fic referenced this painting. This is the goddess of love and fertility, and this is how Titian consistently chooses represent her.

So fuck those people. Own your body and find a way of expressing your beauty that feels right for you. For me, it's wearing 1950s style dresses and a full face of makeup at 9am on a Thursday.

You will be loved by others but, to quote Oscar Wilde: "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."

[gingermintpepper]

After thinking it over for a bit, I've decided that I might as well do a proper underrated 3DS game rec list. I'm a bit of an ATLUS junkie and that's gonna be pretty disgustingly apparent in this list, but it's not my fault that they released hit after hit and all of them were duly ignored.

Due to tumblr's 10 image limit (and my struggle to keep motivated to do one thing for more than three hours) I'm definitely gonna have to break this up into parts and I'm fairly certain one of these lists is just gonna be MegaTen games lmao but I'd like to let people know about these excellent titles and see if I can't at least get people interested in them so they can get more traction.

So, without further ado:

Some 3DS Games that were criminally slept on (part 1)

Monster Hunter Stories

God, where do I begin with this game. Well, the basics: It's a JRPG spinoff title of the now widely successful and popular Monster Hunter series featuring a different take on interacting with the varied and intricate monsters populating the world: Riders.

Yep, instead of hunting the beasties, you play as a young rider who's completed their intiation ritual and can now bond with 'Monsties' as they've cutely labelled the usually ferocious monsters of the wilds. The great thing is that you still fight Monsters--tons of them in fact but this isn't a paid review and in my humble opinion, the most impressive thing about this game is the visual style. The landscapes, the armour, the way they redesigned and 3DS-ified the classically hyper realistic and monstrous beasts to not only be absolutely adorable but still capable of being intimidating when the time calls for it, the stellar animation of special moves and combination attacks--it's delicious, nutritious, stupendous, I can and will consume it like it's part of my recommended caloric intake.

It's very akin to Pokemon in the way its basic gameplay premise is set up, however, instead of catching--or even indeed befriending--the Monsties in the game, you rummage through their nests and steal their eggs, later hatching them and getting yourself a brand new lightly kidnapped monster pal!

Other general things about the game:

Pros:

The armour and weapon sets for both male and female characters slap along with the general character customisation options. They're incredibly diverse (though limited in body type) and you can switch around traits and features whenever you want from your house.

The POGS--these porkers are everywhere and they serve as tiny little achievements for exploring every odd and end of the world. Also they have little outfits. They're so cute. 🥺🥺

You can actually ride the Monsties. All of em. Or, at least the ones that you have available to be your buddies. They all have exploration skills and traits that not only make exploring much more interesting but encourage you to swap out your active Monstie and play around with your options a bit.

Y'all breeding Monsties is complicated and I live for just how intense and ridiculous you can get with optimal builds for these things.

The story is really competently put together! The characters, character designs and even the internal conflict with your starting trio of characters is really compelling along with the mystery of the blight that's infecting Monsters across the world. It's not anything worth awards but it's compelling and it makes you care about the characters if that's what you're in the market for.

Amazing sound design, expansive world, everything about the presentation of this game oozes that Monster Hunter charm even if the art is cutesier than usual. You'll never get bored of its stellar visual presentation!

Available for around twenty quid on the Google Play store, so if you want, you could actually get the full game on your smartphone or tablet. Note though that it would be a battery nuker.

Cons:

If you're on a regular 3DS, frame rate drops are a given. This game kinda pushes the visual capabilities of the 3DS to its absolute limit--a lot like Okamiden did back on the DS.

One save file :( It's pretty much for the same reason as above but still.

If you're playing as the girl, you can't get male armour and vice versa. Since there's only one save file, you'll never be able to have all of the armour sets in a single playthrough and that's criminal because both of the sets for the genders are absolutely breath-taking, thank you.

I 👏can't 👏make👏my👏 own 👏Palico👏

Multi-player for this game is pretty dead seeing as it's almost five years old by now and never got much press or traction. Usually this wouldn't be an issue - this game is 99% singleplayer and you don't really need to fuss about with multi-player to have fun, but if you want to collect all the Monsties, you'll need it since the only way to get Glavenus is through pvp achievements. :/

Final thoughts: Play it if you find yourself getting tired or disappointed with 3DS Pokemon games but still want something that feels as fantastical as Pokemon. It outshines the 3DS Pokemon games at every turn and I will never be over just how thoughtfully put together and fully realised these games are. Of course, if you've ever played Monster Hunter, then you know just how intensive these games are with the lore, biology, cultures and world of their Monsters but seeing that translated into JRPG format was just very sobering and it's a game that, to this day, continues to awe me with just how much love and attention went into it.

Last note: If you're still unsure about it, there's a demo available on the e-shop of the 3DS that allows you to play through the entire initial area of the game. Your data does carry through to the full release and to give you an idea of how much I've been able to squeeze out of it - my playtime for that demo is currently sitting at 22 hours. Make sure to get a hold of that Cyan-Kut-Ku!

7th Dragon III Code: VFD

The title may sound intimidating but the premise is not! A mysterious disease called Dragon Sickness spread by the Dragonsbane flowers that have cropped up all around the world. You and your team are recruited by the Nodens game company after you display extraordinary prowess in their hit virtual reality game 7th Encount. As you go through the adventure, you are tasked with finding out the truth behind the Dragon Sickness and asked to stop both it and the Dragons that are destroying the world.

This game is fun. It's another turn-based JRPG however, in this game you create all of your characters yourself from the myriad of classes available to you from the jump. Different classes of course have very different specialisations - Samurai focus on high powered cutting damage with their swords, Duelists are summoners who can influence the element of the battlefield as well as summon monsters from each element, Agents can hack into your enemies and inflict a barrage of nasty ailments, just to name a few - and you are given three teams of three characters each to experiment with different team comps and find the balance that works for you. There's also a wide variety of Dragons to hunt and kill in the game, which directly affects how infected your world is with the Dragon Sickness causing Dragonsbane. Along the way you will also come into contact with many interesting characters, concepts and confrontations that will make the task of saving the world all the more imperative.

Pros

1. The character creator and differing classes give way for tons of experimenting and playing around with your own unique approach to combat and carrying out your missions. Granted, 'character creation' is generous, it's little more than palatte swaps but the classes are really where VFD shines. Eight main classes may not sound like a lot, but the expaniveness of the character skills, their synergy with their fellow classes and the uniqueness of some of the classes in and of itself allows for so much flexibility and creativity in approaches to even tougher bosses. It also encourages the switching about of your party members to really finagle with the options available to you.

2. God this game is pretty. The locations, the character art, the creature design - all of it is gorgeous and this game capitalises on every bit of the 3DS's presentation limitations as it can.

3. You can romance anything and everyone - yes, you can even be gay/lesbian/poly in this game. In fact, one of the main characters - Julietta - is gnc and he's a constant source of joy as well one of my personal favourite characters, right behind Yuma.

4. Exploration is very very forgiving as the game has healing spots and teleport nodes all over the world to allow for quick, seamless travel between quest points without feeling like anything is too much of a hassle. There are also special enemies that allow for quick grinding as well as quick farming of money. In general, the game does a really good job of making sure that the grind is never unbearable or inconsiderate of your time.

Cons:

1. This is the fourth game in a series the West has never seen any other title for, and from the looks of it, will probably never see any other titles for. Because of that, there are some elements that may seem confusing or revelations in the plot that may seem to come out of nowhere.

2. While the visuals are great, the OST of this one is pretty short making for a lot of reused soundtracks that can get really annoying if you're like me and need your audio to be interesting or consistent so it doesn't distract you too much.

3. This one isn't really a con but it is divisive: This game gets pretty difficult at times. A few of the main dragon enemies including and especially the final boss can give you a serious run for your money in the annoy-o-meter in terms of the kind of absolute JRPG fuckery they can pull out of their magic bag of bullshit movesets and while I generally enjoy that kind of thing, I know it's not for everyone. Most regular combat shouldn't be too tricky once you have a team comp that works well together but you also need to pay attention since the same team that carries you to victory one time might be worth beans against another dragon.

Final thoughts: This is... a really good game. Interesting story, really interesting characters, pretty world and a battle system that really makes you sit down and think. There's also a demo for this available in the e-shop and while your data doesn't carry over - you do receive multiple perks for carrying over your demo data including some exclusive items that, while not game breaking, do help a ton in the early stages of the game.

This isn't a final list by any stretch of the word; I only have the energy to do these two right now, but the next games up for coverage are Ever Oasis and Stella Glow! If you're interested in my full plan of games I want to cover here then my current lineup includes: Theatrhythm: Curtain Call, Project Mirai: Deluxe, Culdecept Revolt, Alliance Alive, Radiant Historia: Perfect Chronology, Etrian Odyssey V, Devil Survivor 2: Record Breaker and Shin Megami Tensei IV: Apocalypse.

Finally, if anyone has played any of the games I mention, cover or plan to cover PLEASE REACH OUT TO ME, I AM SO LONELY IN MY FORTRESS OF SAND. On a serious note, I'd love to hear what other people who've played these games think!

Thanks for reading,

-Ginger

PS: @feralpeacock Because a million years ago, on my first underrated games post, you asked that I remember you. :D

[hinshinotsuki]

🖤 Switched 🖤

***

***

(F/N) watched as the new recruits train with their assigned Squad Leaders.

And the (F/N) from their world, being AWOL, had to be replaced by a balding Squad Leader named Ness. He was tasked by the Commander to train and brief (F/N)'s new recruits regarding the next sortie.

Her eyes widened as she saw them get on their horses to participate on the scouting exercise. She had never seen such a scene, and she was compelled to take out her phone to whip up some dashing photos of the "Old - World Soldiers" in action. But, then, a short reminder from Hange stopped her from even taking her gadget out of her pocket.

"You must never take your phone out on public, nor use it in front of others." Hange explained to her last evening before going out. "Also, you must keep your act as (F/N)'s twin."

"When will you be back?" she asked.

"Tomorrow, at the latest. See you, (F/N)!"

(F/N) sighed. She slid her phone back into her pocket unceremoniously and continued watching the others train. And, as she did this, she got noticed by Jean, the same teenager from the canteen the other day. He's wearing his uniform this time and not his apron. To appear as pleasant and as friendly as she could, she smiled and waved at him, which only made him even more suspicious. She got a bit nervous as he went towards her.

What to do? What to do? What to do? thought (F/N) hysterically as Jean went closer and closer to her. Okay, girl. Relax,...

"Hey, there." Jean said, his lips forming a quite charming smile.

"Hi." she answered.

"So," Jean began. "Your twin sister, she really couldn't make it to the sortie, yes?"

"Oh, I'm afraid to say so, but, yes." she said, managing a decent conversation with him.

But, then, things were bound to get complicated from then on.

"You know, she never once mentioned that she has a beautiful sister." Jean said, his smile ever so dashing.

Was this teenager flirting with me? "Is that so?"

"Yeah. But, then again, she never tells us things, anyway. She just orders people around. She's actually worse than the Captain, really." Jean said, then laughed.

(F/N) had to get along and forced a chuckle, which sounded a bit off, considering her current mood.

"Oh! I forgot to ask your name."

"It's (N/N)." (F/N) answered, offering her nickname and remembering what Hange said about concealing her real identity.

"Nice to meet you, (N/N)."

"You, too."

As (F/N) was about to take Jean's outstretched hand, he was called by one of his comrades, who looked far larger and intimidating than the rest of the new recruits.

"Jean, we have to go back to training!" his comrade called. He had blonde hair and a strong - looking square jaw.

"A second, Reiner!" Jean said to him. He faced (F/N) and displayed his smile once more. "So, see you later at lunch, then."

"Okay, go. Or else, your friend will get mad."

"Reiner? Oh, he's not - "

"JEAN!"

"OKAY!"

The smooth teen waved at her and rejoined his group. And at the thought of his slick moves, (F/N) had to giggle. She just couldn't help but think of his modern counterpart who was so different than him.

But, what (F/N) really noticed was the look this Reiner person gave her. Did he just scowl at her? Or, maybe it was just her over - active imagination?

She was still thinking about it a few hours later during lunch. In fact, she was so deep in thought that she, at first, didn't notice the fully grown, bearded man behind her, who kept sniffing her hair.

And, the moment she did, she literally screamed, making the whole cafeteria silent, drawing people's eyes, and undivided attention, towards her.

However, that did not stop the man from sniffing her. And when he finally stopped and grunted like he was truly satisfied, her instinct told her to take the fork and gouge his eyes with it. She really was considering doing it, if it weren't for the stunning female officer who told everyone to go back to their own business and waved the man away like it was nothing.

"Sorry about that." the female officer apologized, taking a seat beside her. "That's Squad Leader Mike Zacharius. He sniffs people he sees for the first time, then grunts."

"Why would he do that?!" (F/N) asked, still calming her senses.

"It's just a habit of his. Don't worry. He's actually quite harmless." the woman was about to eat when her eyes lit up in excitement. "Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Nanaba, one of the Squad Leaders here."

Do people here always forget to introduce themselves? "(N/N)."

"Nice to meet you, (N/N). Actually, I was told by the Commander to accompany you while Hange is away."

"Where did she go?" (F/N) asked as she accidentally took a bite off the hard bread, just like the other day.

"The old SC HQ. She met up with the Special Operations Squad. She said it was for experiment purposes." Nanaba said as she took a bite off the hard bread, as well.

"Oh." (F/N) uttered as she watched the stunning woman eat her almost tasteless food like it was the most delicious thing in  the whole wide world.

They're Soldiers. Why would they settle for this kind of food? (F/N) wondered as she began eating, only to realize that almost all of the occupants of the room, including Jean, were all staring at her. Feeling her cheeks heating up, she looked away and pretended she did not see their curious faces.

"Don't mind them. They're just curious about you." Nanaba whispered, then smiled. "Who knew (F/N) had a well - bred sister?"

"She really never tells you things?" (F/N) asked, wanting to know more about her counterpart through Nanaba.

"Oh, yes. She only ever tells them to Hange, or Levi, when they're still, you know,..."

"Okay." (F/N) answered, confirming that her counterpart and the Levi here did have a relationship. "Why did they break up?"

"She never told you about it?" Nanaba asked, surprised.

"Well, she never tells me things." (F/N) said, making a quick getaway.

"I don't know the full details, but," Nanaba began. And in an even lower voice, she said, "After their breakup, Levi seemed off. Like, for a full month. But, who knows how? Maybe longer? I don't really know."

"How off?" (F/N) whispered, lowering her head.

"He seemed grumpier than usual."

"And my sister?"

"She looked normal, actually. Like nothing ever happened, at all."

So, she was the one who broke up with Levi in this world. I have to ask Hange for that later on. "Oh, I see."

"But, enough about her! I want to know more about you." Nanaba said, smiling earnestly at her.

"Oh, there's nothing to know about me." (F/N) said, then smiled.

"But, surely! How come you seem more reserved than her?"

(F/N) laughed at this. "Is that what you mean by saying I'm well - bred? Actually, no. I'm just like anybody else. I'm normal."

"And smaller, at that."

"Oh." (F/N) uttered, then looked down on the clothes she borrowed from her counterpart. They really looked big on her.

Does this mean that she's bigger here?! "I, ahh - "

"I know!" Nanaba said, her face lighting up in excitement. "Let's borrow some clothes from my new recruit. I'm pretty sure she's the same size as you."

"Really? Thank you!"

"Christa?" Nanaba said, calling for a petite, blonde girl sitting not far from where they were. The girl heard her name being called and stood up.

"Squad Leader?" the girl squeaked. Aww, she's so cute,...

"Can you come over here for a second, please?"

(F/N) watched in amusement as the girl, who was more suited to be called well - bred, went over to their side.

"(N/N), this is my new recruit, Christa Lenz." Nanaba introduced the girl. "She's from the 104th, just like those guys who kept staring at you for a full hour,..." They all looked at the place that Nanaba was gesturing and found several adolescent males, including Jean, himself, staring at (F/N), then looking away with cheeks red with embarrassment. Nanaba laughed and went on. "Christa, this is (N/N), (F/N)'s sister."

"Oh, pleased to meet you, Miss (N/N)." Christa said and smiled. She really looked like an angel.

"You, too, Christa."

"I have a favor to ask." Nanaba said.

A few minutes later, they found themselves on the female recruits' dormitories. Nanaba and (F/N) were waiting for Christa, and when she finally came, she was holding a full set of fresh clothing.

"I'm so sorry," Christa began. "But, these are the most decent ones I have." she said, then handed the clothes to (F/N).

"Ah, that's alright, Christa." (F/N) told her. She really felt that they were going to be the best of friends. "I'm the needy one here."

"What are we waiting for? Try them on, (F/N)!" Nanaba half - urged, half - ordered with a huge, sisterly smile on her face.

And that's when things got five times more complicated than earlier. For, when (F/N) walked out of the dormitory towards the training grounds, wearing Christa's clothes, things went completely haywire, especially for the male population.

"... and, so, we make a full circle around the Forest of Giant Trees, and,... what in the actual - ?!" Ness, the new Squad Leader for (F/N)'s team, stopped talking, dropping his chalk and making a complete fool of himself.

"Jean, don't go easy on me! For crying out loud, don't treat me like I'm an id - whoah!" Jean's sparring partner, a teen with a booze cut, completely lowered his guard, enabling Jean to utterly throw him off the ground.

Faces got punched. Horses got forcefully halted. Boxes got dropped on unsuspecting feet. The whole world abruptly stopped.

For, there, right before their very eyes,...

... was the actual, same girl they never knew they'd ever meet,...

***

🖤🖤🖤

***

[sailourpastel]

Substance Abuse Treatment & Recovery Approaches for Women

Substance Abuse Treatment & Recovery Approaches for Women

I recovery is a process of healing from the disease of addiction recovery is reclaiming lost dreams and lost potential I hello and welcome to another edition of the road to recovery I'm Ivette Torres today we'll be speaking about treatment approaches for women joining us in our panel today are dewana Baker associate administrator for women's services substance abuse and mental health services administration US Department of Health and Human Services becca Kroll executive director nexus Recovery Center Stephen butch pneus therapists program coordinator Emerton treatment services Imani Walker director Rebecca project for human rights welcome to the show today we're going to be talking about women's specific treatment efforts to want to why are women specific treatment efforts necessary because women which comprise more than 51 percent of the population need to have services that are specific gender specific to them they need services that speak to their specific issues women are different in terms of biological issues they are different in terms of being the primary caregivers of a family and they're different in terms of those issues relating to financial educational social issues of today so that the problems that women face the challenges becca that women face are very much gender specific and need to be looked at you know with a different light in terms of treatment I think that's right one of my first experiences in drug treatment I worked in a hospital program that was both men and women together in treatment and one of the things I saw there was first of all there would be 25 men and two or three women in the program the men did all the talking in the groups the women were quiet they were withdrawn and then on the first break they would be at the pay phone checking on their children in about two days  later they'd leave a money is that what you experienced that is what I experienced and the pathway to addiction for mothers is unique over ninety percent of mothers whose self-medicate are self medicating to issues of trauma sexual violence and domestic violence and all of these traumas manifest themselves in terms of self-medication what do they self medicate with they self-medicate with a variety of drugs marijuana alcohol sometimes when that's not strong enough they move on to cocaine meth of courses really becoming an epidemic now for a lot of women and women who are mothers to children so I am a mother and recovery and I was self-medicating to serious depression and when marijuana no longer worked I'm moved on to crack cocaine has that been your experience in your treatment program stay in the treatment programs I've worked in frequently the women have an entire history that is almost cascading in terms of their several multiple interacting areas and it's almost like a vortex that sucks the whole process downward their difficulties with early pregnancy and childbirth which limits their financial capabilities which limits their residential capabilities which then feeds into a stronger need for a partner who then is in a position to do more controlling there's a lot stronger issues of domestic violence and all of these while we've talked about them one at a time if they were almost all of us talking at one moment that's the type of confusion that comes in when this person is in early recovery there's just so much that goes through their mind all at the same time and being able to prioritize and being able to select which is the most important when is it when am I supposed to move from one responsibility to another to another so it's it's a very complex a very difficult problem for them if I were a woman with a problem at what point should I begin to look for help diwana I think that that's more of a personal you know decision person has to decide that this is what they want to do you know and that they want to seek out help and a lot of times what they can do once they're ready is other their other friends who are probably seeking help go to their nearest public health facility within their state also talk with other persons who are in recovery as well but I think it has to start first with a personal decision that this is what they want to do and it will make their the road or the process to recovery much more easier it's a difficult road but it would make it easier because they have the internal I think the reality though is that a lot of women seek help when Child Protective Services has become involved with their families or the criminal justice system although I also see a lot of women being motivated by their pregnancies and by their children and I think that's a great window of opportunity the money was that your case yes that was certainly my case when it got to the point that I can no longer do the daily chores and responsibilities of a mother like making sure that dinner was on the table that the kids got their homework done those sorts of things is what made me first I seek help how were you in that pattern before you said this is going to stop tell us your story it was approximately six months about six months in I mean I knew somewhere around the 90-day mark that ok this is spiraling down this is no longer working but I didn't seek help right away because I thought you know I need to get it together I need to just rein it in and get it together in addiction is such a powerful disease that needless to say that didn't work it wasn't something I can do on my own said about six months for things you know I could no longer imagine that I could do it alone I finally keep your fingers and all the dikes exactly i finally sought help yeah but you know there's so much stigma attached and especially if you are a woman and a mother so I think in terms of when a woman should seek help disclosing isn't an easy thing to do even though you know you need help did you have a partner domestically were you in a relationship at the time actually no I was recently divorced and that was part of the depression an 11-year relationship to my children's father had just ended my mom had just died actually was feeling very much alone yeah and that's the case for many of the women are single mothers right Becca yes most of the women that we see it Nexus are single and don't even have involvement with the fathers of their children classically what happens is the crisis will emerge and there's usually a period of 48 72 hours in which the person's either going to make that commitment to go or they're going to continue to self-medicate the idea of a bottom that you have to hit a bottom before you get into recovery I think is true but there is no single bottom that everyone is going to hit it's at various points some crisis will bring up the consciousness if I need to do something but if it's not acted on within a very short period of time they'll accommodate down to whatever it is that's happened let's talk a little bit about not single women let's talk a little bit about women that are in a relationship and are having a problem with alcohol or drugs thus the partner play any role in that dynamic the partner plays a great role you know traditionally or I'm just by nature women are relational you know that is how we we know we relate you know we're very into communicating with other women or other persons and ninety percent of property even 99 percent of the women get into drugs because of relationships with their significant other their husband or whomever and so it does play a great impact on whether that person is supportive or not supportive you know whether that person uses that situation of the drugs being a factor of controlling you know the moment and how much the woman looks up to you know their partner so plays a significant amount and Becca what happens when the woman tries to stop and the man wants to keep going keep drinking keep drugging well I think it decreases her a chance of success if she's not ready to break away from that relationship because family support is a huge factor in recovery so if your partner is saying you're fine you don't have a problem or even don't leave me you need to be here with the children it's certainly harder beyond the the single mom challenges beyond the relationship challenges you know of a household where both are addicted why should women that are out there be very cautious when they begin to experience alcohol particularly alcohol or drug disorders in terms of their metabolism are they able to handle these substances as well as men absolutely not one of the more salient points is there's an in completely different body chemistry women's neuro chemistry is frequently serotonin based as opposed to the males which is dopamine so many of the substances of abuse interact with the estrogen cycle and so they're they're more vulnerable cases of development of cirrhosis are in half the time that you would see in the case of men which means that not only is the liver giving up but also the brain cells are being killed off at a more rapid rate they have the lower body weight they have our fat proportions than males and so all of that lends to higher toxicity issues for women and greater threats for long-term damage bday cancers and other types of nutritional deficiencies well when we come back I want to get back to the whole notion of what really happens to the children of these households as well because i think when when women are challenged by addictions it's not just you know themselves but the children that are involved as well we'll be right back when a woman first comes into substance abuse treatment she may not identify her alcohol and drug addiction as her most pressing problem she may identify some of her other very pressing needs such as a need for safe and affordable housing for education for services to help her become employable as her more pressing needs needs if her children may be very pressing so in order for a woman to be successful in substance abuse treatment she really needs a full constellation of services in addition to counseling a substance abuse education that we think of more traditionally as core treatment services when it comes to providing addiction treatment services genders can be a significant factor in fact we see with women they have a history typically more than men of being victims of abuse of being victims of trauma so it's critical to have that central to any planning process around addiction and treatment we also have found in the course of a five-year study that women who have a history of substance abuse mental illness as well as being a victim of trauma have better results when all three of those conditions are treated and when also those services are geared at meeting a woman at her point of need whether she needs an assessment for where she's at in the treatment process beyond the treatment process whether she needs a particular type of placement sam says  addressed this issue we have a publication called helping heal yourself and that can be obtained through contacting our Clearinghouse at 1 866 to help everyone with alcohol and drug addiction is in the same boat with treatment you can find solid ground for drug and alcohol information and treatment referral for you or someone you know call 1 866 to help there's life after substance use if you want one or know someone who does please call 1 866 to help my life before recovery I was a mom in a lot of pain I was recently divorced and grieving the loss of my mother I was unable to perform daily chores for my children it was difficult for me to make sure they got to school on time their homework was done mills were cooked I was spiraling down into a very deep deep dark place the little things that I appreciate now that I'm in recovery number one would be waking up with my six-year-old and being able to wake him and we have a morning ritual that we do being there for my daughter who's 20 years old down and being present in her life and her having the ability to talk to me about anything she needs to and also being there for my teenage boys their sport events I was not able to show up for anything when i was using let's talk a little bit more about the children in these relationship these dysfunctional relationship where both a woman and a man may have an alcohol or drug problem Imani well my children definitely felt the impact of my addiction my I have four children now fortunately one never saw his mom in addiction but the boys that I had they were very angry in the way that they acted out was behaviorally in school there were a lot of phone calls there were several suspensions getting into fights my daughter did just the opposite she excelled in school she hit out at school you know that was her time away from home away from the responsibility she was the oldest child so it was her way to I guess to have something positive and something affirming so she she did really well so it was important for for them all to get help as I came into recovery and they did get help and think as well yeah and that's a very critical aspect of it because I think otherwise these children that are in these dysfunctional relationships may actually adopt Becky those patterns themselves a lot of the women coming into treatment with their children at least initially minimize the impact on their children and would like to believe that they haven't seen as much as they have and haven't been as impacted but the kids typically are aware that their parents have used they have witnessed domestic violence and in the course of treatment there's typically more willingness on the parents part to acknowledge that and to embrace the help we can offer for the children the kids typically settle settle down so quickly in treatment with the routine and the patterns seeing their mom every day knowing that she really is going to pick them up at the end of each day all that uncertainty is gone and they so quickly blossom and the mothers see that they recognize that and that's important that's an important factor in their staying and treatment also as far as the barriers that some women may see to seeking addiction treatment with the fear of having the authorities take their children away be one of the environment absolutely in the family recovery court where we I provide services for the family recovery court it is that absolute fear that my children have been placed in foster care and recovery is one of the requirements and it's one of many that they must fulfill in the a court system in order to be reunified with their children and that is a tremendously driving force while they may be very dysfunctional that does not mean that they don't love their children and it doesn't mean that they are incapable but frequently the children are the unintended and meshed partner in this downward spiral that the addiction takes every one every one of the  family on sometimes also you'll see the role reversals where the child actually becomes the caregiver the peacemaker the the healer for the the parental strife is going on the roles need to be fulfilled if the parents are too impaired the children will attempt to you'll see them take their parents face between their hands and say mom I love you or dad it's okay and they will attempt even at the age of men three and four years old to fulfill those roles because they realize how necessary they are and that's why we need to have the children go into some type of help as well right Donna the importance of family treatment you know looking entirely at the family you cannot just treat the mother without the child or the children and or vice versa you have to look at the whole structure and also today we cannot look at what traditionally we've known is what a family structure is a mother father and children a family structure could be the grandmother and the and the children or it can be the child and universes and it could be the child who's the family structure and bringing everyone together so we need to look at no the importance of family treatment and I think that is critical we've spoken of the challenges when the mother has an addiction when both parents have an addiction let's dive into the the whole issue of domestic violence it is complicated enough when domestic violence doesn't exist in the home or doesn't happen but what happens when both the woman is receiving the wrath of the alcoholic or drug addicted male partner and and the children are getting it as well Steve eighty percent of old women who died violently know the perpetrator on a first name basis and that's only the tip of the iceberg because for every horrific event such as that you do have the constant intimidation you've got the control that comes into a complete environment of fear of intimidation that goes down from the spouse or the partner to the children and so there's a complete hierarchy and if the children are not adequately protected then not only is their anger and resentment towards the perpetrator but there's also for the parent who failed to adequately protect so it goes to several levels and many times they don't feel supported on any adequate level I get concerned that the children are becoming the next generation when they witness this kind of abuse and then you know without intervention we're just preparing them to step into their parents roles there's been a five year study that santhu have participated in and looking at women with co-occurring issues in trauma as well as looking at their children and that is one of the significant findings is how the children are repeaters of what they see you know as as they were growing up and so the study has been proven to be very beneficial and it had the fruits of many other studies that are now ongoing you know within Sam's but that's oh it's not completed yet it's not completely son going on going but what are the things that we do know about core occurring and I'm so glad that you mentioned that because as we're talking about the trauma on the children on the on the spouse who may or may not be addicted there are also complicating factors related to depression related to bipolar disorder related to many other mental illnesses that may exist talk to us a little bit about that Donna when we look at the issues when we looked at the study then how it all came about is because of the fact that we know that when women present with one illness let's just say substance abuse we know for a fact that majority of them had experienced substance I'm sorry child abuse issues neglect etc and they're coming to the healthcare providers with depression or low self esteem with issues of anger with issues of trauma things that they have not even voiced to anyone that is why it is so important so in a critical that is health care providers that we form this relationship with women and meet them where they are they're important issues maybe transportation or childcare it is important that we meet them there and but more importantly we need to be skilled enough to know that and knowledgeable enough to know that these are some other issues that our women are faced with the corcoran mental illnesses the the issues of depression and abuse and so as we develop a plan in a family context a providing treatment for the family these are some of the major issues that we have to look at and not just look at the specific issue that the patient presented themselves in isolation because that would you have found in terms of the children that present for for treatment with your mother's the women tend to primarily have depression and anxiety as they're co-occurring disorders and you certainly see the effects of trauma the children really as Imani said it can take different forms with the children you see the sort of hero children who really do well and are trying to hold the family together and we also see the kids who are acting out in a big way well when we come back I want to really talk about the assessment part of when the woman has the hot moment or the parent has the aha moment and they say we need to go in and we need to get treatment and let's talk a little bit about what that assessment is all about does it catch everyone who has perhaps a co-occurring disorder and and how does it happen and what are the best frameworks of treatment for for women when they have an alcohol or drug problem we'll be right back I'm a sophomore in college this year man if you hadn't only when I was a sophomore in high school nobody could tell me anything I gave all my teachers of that time they all give up on me said my English teacher eight years teaching high school English 10 years in recovery for alcohol addiction to be or not to be I got help that's it right there when you get help who knows just so you'll help along the way for drug and alcohol information and treatment referral for you or someone you know call one eight hundred 662 help nice job hey man how's it going to a person recovering from substances what you say comes through loud and clear d yeah if you knew someone in recovery give them support and if you know someone who needs help give them this number 1 866 to  help how much children is an evidence-based program located in baltimore maryland it takes women out of jail in prison when they're pregnant and brings them to a very special place where we help them with their issues about ddiction and trauma and help them maybe for the first time in their lives to make a healthy attachment with their baby that's coming the women are referred through the criminal justice system they are either in jail or in a detention center and they are pregnant and most of them have drug-related crimes we teach them how to form a healthy bond with their infant say most children has helped me because it has allowed me a chance to connect with my child and it helps me with my trauma and my addiction issues as well well this program is different from other programs because this program dealt with my trauma and my addiction which goes together the other programs that I've been an F only dealt with just my addiction part which is one aspect of my addiction and so I feel that this program deals with everything in my life that all go together we look for these women to give them the face and to give them a name and for people to understand that the women who are in jail or real people that have had things happen to them that have gotten them into jail in prison and that when you give them a chance and you give them therapy and the therapy is focused on both trauma and substance abuse and the fact that they have an opportunity to change what happens to the next generation that they really bring themselves around and don't find that they need substances we were talking about issues related to co-occurring and that brought to mind the whole notion of when the person or the woman has that aha moment I need treatment I need to seek it what are the best possible alternatives for that person and perhaps we should start with money and hear from her in terms of how you were able to carry out that desire to go and get treatment it was quite a challenge to access appropriate treatment once I realized that I had a problem didn't really know what to do so I remember I literally dialed information for 11 an axe for drug hotline and it was through going to 12-step meetings that I found out there was treatment available for a mom like me we didn't have very much money so I landed in several treatment programs that weren't appropriate for a mother with children who needed services and supports in those treatments days were not successful you spoke of the assessment process I remember telling them that I had children I had issues with housing I need marketable skills I was recently divorced I had I needed economic stability for my family and there weren't gender specific groups I mean it really was almost a two year struggle of going in and out of treatment programs that weren't appropriate for mom before I finally access appropriate treatment that did a very thorough assessment and got me into parenting classes and all sorts of classes that were appropriate for mom what happened when you actually went in to the one program that really had all the components that you were looking for wow what happened was very profound I was a mother who was addicted to crack cocaine and literally cannot stop I used the night before I went in and I wouldn't in that first day and it was a woman's program there were all women there and that was the first time I'd ever been in a woman's program they were women there with long lists of clean time had been in and out of 28 to 90 day treatment programs so for a woman to say that she had six months clean 12 months 15 months those were clean times that I thought were unattainable for me Hooper have had the same problem that you had that may have been also using crack that's exactly what I'm getting to that very first day women told stories of being homeless in their car and going from that to a shelter and then to transitional housing and then getting permanent housing we had community meaning and people will tell their news women talked about their children acting out in school and now he's doing so much better you got an individual therapist so my experience with accessing appropriate treatment that very first day made all the difference in the world I have never smoked crack cocaine since that very first day and I literally couldn't stop so it made all the difference in the world in terms of co-occurring however did they ask you whether you had you know that they evaluate you for that as well I was assessed as clinically depressed and and it was a very thorough assessment I met with a psychiatrist and we you know tried to get to the bottom of whether it was situation on me certainly if you're smoking crack you're depressed it brings on depression and it was clear that you know I did experience domestic violence in my relationship with the children's father it was an 11 year relationship that that ended my mom had died we were very close and I was thrown into being a single parent with the responsibility of taking care of her children and it was clear that that I was self-medicating and I was depressed so there was a additional co-occurring mental health disorder do I know what would you say to programs and to individuals who may need to seek help do they should they ask for an  assessment themselves if when a woman walks into a treatment program is not offered to her I have the pleasure of knowing a money and she had shared our story her story with us before one of the things they really impressed me about her was the fact that she did a lot of homework herself you know and she was able to really in and as his challenge to healthcare provider but I think as a health care provider and having worked as one you know worked in the trenches that is our responsibility to be knowledgeable to be knowledgeable about all the issues that our clients are coming in that are faced with and it helps when you have a person such as Imani who is knowledgeable and taking responsibility but by all means yes you must do an assessment there's so many other things HIV and AIDS sexually transmitted diseases children who have been abused you know my sexually you know by the incest right by partners you know it is having linkages with transportation having linkages with other healthcare providers for different things I think it is so important as providers that we first and foremost be knowledgeable and that we reach out and establish these linkages for our clients because they do definitely need these services does that sound familiar Steve I think part of the reason that recovery tends to be not a straight line event but kind of an event with a learning curve to it is partially the responsibility of our inability to deliver the appropriate treatment service at the appropriate time I do think that part of what you see with this back and forth up and down maybe 3-4 times you're attempting recovery and unsuccessful is partly because we don't have the full continuum of services that we need and it's extremely population sensitive I know once you get west of the Mississippi River and your population density drops so drastically you find that you'll have towns of you know 3,000 4,000 people and and being able to support say an intensive outpatient program is out of the question there's just not enough individuals who need that level of services and then your cobbling together they don't have a computer so they can go into the new e therapy yes and it's you know they do teletherapy for instance with the psychiatrist out in Montana in which the therapist the local therapist and the client go into a move they do a teleconference with a psychiatrist who may be in Billings they may be out in st. Helena for example so these are the kinds of things that we as providers must continue to develop to meet the the needs of the clients it's a point that we keep in mind a holistic approach we're not just treating a fragmented person with one issue we're treating that person with a multitude of issues that come in so therefore we need to be comprehensive in our approach in our screening and looking at that person yes they may have it may have been their depression or may have been the fact that they no longer want to see their children abused that brought them in but that is not the total reason why they need the services that we need to provide and the one on what kind of services does Samsa get involved with in terms of generating and supporting the whole concept of science the services meaning how do we improve continue to improve the services to women what or what or what do we have in our toolbox programs like the pregnant and postpartum women and the residential woman and treatment programs which are really historical programs that have continued since 1992 when Congress in the era of the crack cocaine era you know establish these programs the need for having women specific gender specific services and these are the programs of today where Congress has set aside congressional earmarks for these programs and these programs components would include then right know exactly what Imani was talking about the thorough assessments are the residential for the children and the mother so they can both be together right the whole issue of the intervention with the children's separate for the mother that I think Becca was also referring to exactly four actually program for pregnant women was funded by csat in 1993 very fun sure talking about her how we got stuck we got started well talk to us a little bit about that program well it enabled us to encourage pregnant women to come into treatment which i think is huge for several reasons it's time and motivation for the women so they're more likely to be successful but it's also a great opportunity to reduce spiegel alcohol syndrome fetal alcohol effects and so on with the children we link the women to prenatal care and that makes a huge difference in Mars outcome we provide good nutrition for them help them remain drug-free envision those those three things alone improve the birth outcomes dramatically the prenatal care nutrition in a drug free period and you also get into some of their concerns in terms of what happens after they leave right the program do they get training for work related skills do they get housing do they get other assisted that's what Marian programs comprehensive also makes them difficult in a sense to pull together because they are so comprehensive drug treatment is really a misnomer you know the drug portion is small it's part of right but all these other services as well when we come back I want to come back to this and i also want to get into the whole dynamics of the family courts in the drug courts you know because i think that more people need to know that not to fear that whole system but to really embrace it because it is one of our best options for families experiencing addiction issues we'll be right back how was school today how was school today session glory you have a good session why I got every game with me I got to get for the game talk with the kids in your life about drugs and alcohol and if they're in treatment or recovery support them even if you have to practice I am so proud of you for drug and alcohol information and treatment referral call 1 866 to help feeling overwhelmed by current events don't turn to drugs and alcohol hey how was your run great substance abuse is not the way to manage life if you or someone you know needs information or treatment referral call one eight hundred 662 help for more information on national alcohol and drug addiction recovery month events in your town and how you can get involved visit the recovery month website recoverymonth.gov well I think we have to recognize that for the majority of women in particular who are now in the child welfare system with their own children were either in the system themselves or perhaps should have been and should have been protected there's a tremendous amount of child abuse and sexual abuse that's gone on for women who now have children of their own I can only imagine the guilt and the shame and the fear that they have to experience that day when a social worker says I'm placing your children in foster care that is really the moment in which we can say there's hope here for you there's recovery here for you and how do we make that happen in a timely way so the parent to get that hope and they get that ability to be in recovery and learn how to parent their children when you look at treatment outcome research about women and children in particular that women that do the best are often the women that have all of their children with them those that sometimes don't do so well are those that don't have safe places for their children to live they're worried about where their kids are they may not yet be ready to parent but they have this need to take care of their kids I don't want her to have to have drugs and alcohol as a part of her life as long as I'm patient and I don't pick up me and her going to be just fine I think we definitely are improving services to women are there enough comprehensive services around the country I think we know that there's not but we know that there are many many dedicated providers that are looking at that individual woman and understanding what is part of the package of the services that they need and making those linkages in the community to either provide those services themselves or providing them through coordination and through a collaborative effort to the other comprehensive services that women and children need I'm very encouraged by the kinds of models that are being developed by the effort that is underway around the country to to really embrace that we have commonality and how we see families and we're not trying to separate families so much anymore that we're just about the recovery for the parent or we're just about the safety of the child but really seeing whole families and how whole families have to mend and how whole families can recover they've talked to us about the drug court programs and who are the types of women that that are targeted for that system and how does it work the family drug court system generally will have individuals who are parents of young children predominantly most of the participants are in their late 20s to the mid 30s although we've had some leaders much as in their 50s generally something has happened within the family that has brought on the attention of Child Protective Services it may be domestic violence it may be abuse it may be new to elect it may be a first-time notification or it may be kind of that ongoing tracking a small incident here from school small incident there from one of the neighbors complaints another small incident because of a run in May perhaps the children have had with the police but when they begin to look at it they begin to see this emerging pattern and through training they know to make the referral assessment in the assessment the particularly the mothers are immensely humiliated that someone is questioning their desire to be an adequate mother it is tremendously humiliating for them and is one of the things when we do the initial go around an introduction to the group that I want to make sure that each person has a chance to really spend some time to talk about how they got there what happened and then each member of the group will take some time to explain how they got there so that there is this sense of when I shared yes and I am NOT the biggest rat that's ever lived may individuals because it is a lengthy process we're talking nine months it gives them a chance initially to come in with the enthusiasm of I'm going to get involved in this and I'm going to prove to all of you that this was a terrible mistake and that I am a really good mother and then they make that transition into the mid phase in which they've been there maybe four months or five months and now they're beginning to think this is never going to end I'm exhausted because there are a lot of requirements they don't stop becoming a parent even when the child is out of the home there's visitation there's birthdays and holidays it's still need to be recognized and all of that still occurs as well as the treatment the job placement to parenting classes so it's a it's a full schedule finally they get to the end phase and then the anxiety begins to set in in terms of that complete reintegration out in the community and this is where the the 12-step programs and the community support systems become so important we have an alumni group that continues to meet and it's open-ended so that for individuals who have still want to keep a foot in the in the treatment arena its staff monitored but not staff directed but it's a it's a it's a comprehensive process it's a difficult process but it's certainly navigable we've had graduations from the drug court and it's it's going well talk to us about the programs that are not necessarily through the court system but that actually tap women that are that may not have children for example what are those programs like that Nexus we do have a program for adult women unaccompanied by children many of them have children but may have a safe place for them to be or may not have cared for them for a long time it's still important that the programming be gender-specific we're not talking child care prenatal care in that program but it's still very important that women be with other women it's like Imani described the difference between being in the program where you but it really relate to what was being said and walking in and seeing other women hearing them talk about the same issues you've experienced and that hopefulness that comes from seeing someone like you who has been there and says the message that you can get better the Rebecca project for human rights we are an advocacy organization for low-income women with substance abuse issues and one of the things that we do is wiener network with treatment from providers across the country so I just wanted to highlight a couple of treatment programs that deal with women and children but they do have a program for women without children as well in like Becca said her program is mixes in dallas texas there's a amethyst which is in columbus ohio there's a the womens treatment center in chicago illinois there's the chrysalis house in kentucky lexington kentucky so they are those are some of the ones that I know are great and we have contact with those programs but there are many across the country and what is  the success rate are women tailored programs or programs tailored for women more successful in terms of the outcomes they are definitely more successful the national average for success is approximately sixty two percent compared to I believe its twenty to thirty percent for single adult treatment and I just want to make one correction even though I said there are many only five percent of all treatment is geared for women and families so there's there's a  lack of them but I just wanted the audience to know that that there are programs that they can access let's talk a little bit you mentioned about funding I know that Samsa has the Block Grant and that people can actually try and get money from the state to set up these programs but what other types of resources are available for individual programs that may have a an addiction treatment component but not necessarily you know targeted at women and want to set one up Becca I'm not sure I know the answer our programs have been largely state and federally funded I would love to see the drug courts embrace family treatment in our area at least they will send women to treatment but and men adults but no recognition of family treatment we do a lot of fundraising in the community to support our government grants and it is easier to fundraise when you're touching the lives of women and children so that helps but there's also a limit to how much money can be raised in the community Robert Wood Johnson is also a very good foundation for seed money to again get programs up and started they do a tremendous job within the community and what I would say from the federal perspective that you know Sansa's mission in terms of building resiliency and color and recovery we are committed through on Block Grant to have the set aside in the substance abuse prevention and treatment block grant for pregnant women and given priority mission you know to women as well as said earlier about the the ppw the pregnant postpartum women and the residential women and children's programs as well as a host of other programs the fetal alcohol syndrome development center for excellence program my partnerships with the administration for children and families you know speaking on the issues of the drug courts you know all of that stemming from the adoption and say families afton sense that has really done a lot of partnership on center for substance abuse treatment in that area so we're very clean and those issues and want to build resilience and facilitate recovery for our women and children as well and Steve there's also the National Association of drug court and family drug courts so people can also seek help there they can and while it there is some referral aspects to it frequently if they are not the appropriate provider they do network as the money said that the the ability to network among providers is extremely important and we we have to be cost sensitive to the resources that we have and so individuals within the field know who has the beds open who's really full at this point whether this individual though I may do say an intensive outpatient program may recognize this individual may only need an outpatient level of care and so do I make the referral to the appropriate treatment provider thus keeping the higher level of care bed or treatment slot available for the women out there that may have been in recovery that are in recovery right now and functioning well in their community and giving back to their children and their families and giving back to that community should they play a role in breaking down the stigma for other women who have who may have a substance use disorder challenge in their home I believe they absolutely should and can play a role I direct a project called sacred authority and we are an alumni network and we are the leadership corridor Rebecca project and we are all mothers and some fathers who are in recovery and we do the advocacy work for the Rebecca project we are policy organization and we fight for more funding for these types of treatment programs fair and just laws and legislation when it comes to tana for the the Astra law that she mentioned so yeah I mean I think that we are best able to give voice to the experiences and what it is that parents and women and recovery need so I know that in the work that I do in terms of organizing mothers who are single parents and in recovery our plate is not full it is overflowing so there there there are different ways that you can help it may not be to do what I do in terms of briefings and meetings with you know congressional staffers but there but there's a role that everyone can play if nothing else speaking out and getting rid of the stigma absolutely and they can do that through national alcohol and drug addiction recovery month every September we encourage everyone to get involved and plan an event or do whatever they can to really break down that stigma I want to thank you for being here it's been a great show for a copy of this program or other programs in the road to recovery series on DVD or VHS call sam says national clearinghouse for alcohol and drug information at one 870 296 686 or order online at recoverymonth.gov and click multimedia national alcohol and drug addiction recovery month observed each September provides an opportunity for every community to highlight the effectiveness of treatment for alcohol and drug use disorders and to help individuals and families affected by addiction find help the free recovery month kit can help your organization carry out an effective strategy to raise awareness and promote the benefits of addiction treatment in your community the kit offers ideas for planning and helpful tools for implementing an outreach campaign or event that matches your goals and resources to receive the recovery month kit or other free publications and materials related to addiction treatment visit recoverymonth.gov or call one eight hundred 662 help it's important that everyone become involved because addiction is our nation's number one health problem and treatment is our best tool to address it you you you you See more here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tK87pHEkIno

drug rehabilitation statistics

Source: http://eliterehaballiance.com/video-blog/substance-abuse-treatment--recovery-approaches-for-women