#so. tiredsleepy

[its-yashas-strong-arms]

tiredsleepy sleepytired

[atalana]

so i finally got the chance to read the book of bill! and man those journal 3 pages, i could write a million essays on those, but the principle one that i can't get out my head is the new insight on ford's whole fucked up paradigm of what love is

like, neither of the stan twins really know how to experience unconditional love, because they never really had it. their dad was constantly comparing the two of them and really just stamping down stanley's self worth at any given moment. and even for ford who was praised, he's not an idiot, he saw how stan got treated all the time, and their dad was very explicit as to why. ford's praise and attention hinged on him being the family genius who could make them all a lot of money, and he knew very well if he failed to live up to that, he would also lose his father's love

and you see this in stan in his desperate need for everyone to like him, but also how he doesn't really believe anyone ever truly could love him, so whenever he gets the chance with anyone he clings onto that relationship as tight as he can, terrified it's going to disappear at any second

ford, meanwhile. the more direct threat to him was the bullies and the people that made him feel lesser for being abnormal. and no kid likes feeling like that, we know it's a spike buried deep in his psyche, which gave him a reason for the dichotomy he ends up forming.

when he was a kid, people tended to fall into two categories - those who were really impressed with him and his potential, and those who saw him as a freak and wanted to drag him down for it. the love he got and the hate he got are directly related to both.

and as a result ford is constantly looking for people who will give him intellectual gratification (what he thinks love is), and he categorises everyone else as "unimportant obstacles in my way" (because that's how he thinks about those bullies, so their words won't hurt anymore)

stanley was the first category, until he sharply became the second

and splitting the world into those two categories makes him an absolutely horrible person! like, one hand yeah, you do have sympathy for ford bc that is straight up torture bill put him through and no one should have to experience it (and i do wanna make clear this is not a ford hate post, he does have good qualities im just interested in the bad rn)

on the other hand though, god, i'm always struck by just how hateful he is towards so many unimportant things (just one of many examples, christmas songs are fake and stupid bc rudolph didn't burn santa's workshop to the ground as revenge for ostracizing him like jesus christ dude)

or the bit where he sees one of stan's shitty product ads and considers calling him and pretending to be a cop just to scare him, because in ford's mind that's a punishment he deserves for daring to look so stupid while sharing ford's face

and it just drills in how much ford is not willing to see stan's side of this in any way, because what do you think would happen if you went through with that plan? don't you know stan's already scared enough? you saw him get kicked out, you saw the ultimatum that came with it, and hell thanks to the book of bill we know you were also scared to go home until you had something to show for it. he's trying his best, and you understood that once. but then stan throws your journal back in your face and you yell that you're giving him the chance to do the first worthwhile thing in his life.

everything he did to try and make something of himself, to try and prove himself worthy of literally any love at all, you didn't care about that. now he's in a position to help you, so of course he should just drop everything and obey your orders to the letter without question. that's the only way to redeem himself for getting in your way, why won't he take it?

by the time bill shows up ford felt fully justified in going "this isn't about me, and therefore it's stupid and unimportant and should be destroyed". and i know exactly why, it's because again you think intellectual gratification and love are the same thing and you're running low on both right now so you're trying to make up the difference by affirming how right you are in your goddamn diary, but right does not make you good or kind or wise

and that makes it kind of a self fulfilling prophecy, because loving you is hard, and the one person genuinely willing to do so unconditionally you're keeping at a very aggressive arms length. but you fall for bill so easily, because he understands how important you are, which must be love, and all of these other people worried about you just aren't smart enough to get it

and not even realising bill's lies could cure him of that one. hell, 30 years spent dimension hopping didn't cure it. when ford gets back he is still just as self righteous, and still willing to categorise dipper as "will give me intellectual gratification" and the rest of them as intrinsically less valuable

which is why dipper can't take the deal ford offered him. if he had, he would have turned out exactly like ford, stuck in his own echo chamber unable to tell the difference between love and praise

mabel says at one point in the comics that the reason the two grunkles are bad at looking after kids is because they still are kids, and that's a really accurate insight. that old wound cut so deep neither of them had the chance to actually move past their childhood, and discover what it was they were missing

stan never stopped wanting his brother back, but ford didn't realise that was what he needed too, until he saw mabel and dipper working as a team against bill. he's acknowledged his mistake in trusting bill before now, but "we used to be like that" is his first time acknowledging that his whole approach to people is wrong.

you've always had one source of unconditional love. you didn't need to be better than him to be worthy of it. and now you've got an entire new family, hopefully you'll realise that can come from multiple fronts

(and it's okay stan shall have his revenge for how you treated him by commiting just. so much tax fraud in your name)

[dailyicarus]

DAY 79

slumbering beast

[lost-in-fandoms]

not sure if you’re still taking fic questions buti had some about vampire daniel and his maxy!!

- is being bitten like a ‘chemical high’ for max due to venom or is it like fuzziness due to blood loss?

- following on from that, has daniel ever accidentally drunk too much or has max not realised his limits and let him take too much? i really loved the little ‘you need a snack and water after your nap maxy’ as bite aftercare 🥺

- how does max find out daniel is a vampire?

- what are some other vampire things that daniel does that max loves?

I'm always taking questions! Especially when I'm sleep deprived and especially about vampire au!!! Let's see!

i think both. it's like, a careful balance, trying to not overwhelm max too much, because if the high from the venom hits too hard with the blood loss it causes sort of a drop, and the experience becomes very unpleasant, making max feel faint and out of control. i think there was a bit of a trial and error there, but daniel took care of max every time and they have it down to a science now.

so yes! I do think that daniel has taken too much before. I think that at the start of their relationship it was hard for daniel to control himself when feeding during sex (outside of it, not a big problem, but with all the feelings associated to sex? too much) and max was probably too out of it and too into it to realise what was happening. i think max has probably passed out during or right after sex before, scaring daniel to death (haha). so now they're careful with it, never do it when they have somewhere to be or something to do, and daniel always takes aftercare very seriously. he makes sure all the bites are healing right, that max has something to drink and something to eat, carries him to the shower. max whines a bit about it, but he loves being taken care of <3

so i know i never really specified (i...think? i think i just hinted at it but maybe i'm forgetting my own au jdbdhjf) but i have pictured them to still be racing in this au. with some fuckery about the rules to allow daniel to race as a vampire or whatever. so i think max went into red bull knowing that daniel was a vampire! he didn't really care about it, he only cared about racing, and daniel had always been very private about it and about like all the feeding process. In my head the thing that happens first is them getting together, and only afterwards daniel starts feeding from him.

max won't admit it, but he loves that daniel can carry him without too much effort! he knows he's not the smallest or lightest guy, but daniel can pick him up and move him around and manhandle him in bed and max loves it. goes all blushy and pliant with it. i also think he likes how daniel is a little more durable than a normal human, heals faster both from physical injuries and illnesses, so that max worries less about him during races if there is an accident and doesn't need to see him sick/in pain. i do think that the ability is lessened the less daniel feeds, but max will take care of that <3

thank you so much for the questions!!!

[ittybittybumblebee]

i think we'd be really good friends irl but i live in a different country so im biting my flesh screaming crying on the floor puking all over the place and going insaaane

it's hard seeing you go through things and not being able to do even something so basic like come hang out with you or something

it's so annoying!! you have so much to offer as a person and hardly anyone in your surroundings realises this!!! urghhhhhnjzks!!!!!!!

aw yeah :[[ ty that you would want to do that with me if we did live nearby irl sorry for being canadian lol

if we're not already freinds online because on anon i dont know whomst you may be, i am up for being friends online with anyone who is chill n isnt on the list of the standard dnis and all that. we could chat if you like

i appreciate you sympathize with me when im going through tough stuff. its nice to know when people care like that. but its not all bad though. it feels heavy but i always get through too. i just need to yell about it sometimes but i can always be hopeful for things to get better as well <3

[wizard-of-weed]

making a new oc. wizard who infused xeir blood with fungi and now has a fungal wizard tower xe can control, growing new rooms and whatever else xe need. the whole building is alive and they are a hive mind.

[pawbeanies]

pawww ouppyy i am slamm mg down 5, 9 and 30 for the asksss !!! an also i am gonna be making lil kitty biscuits on you as yoh answer :3

~🌾🌼

kityyy!!! kittyy hiii hii WAHG im being biscuited ... that is ok.... thr biscuiting is required and i do not mind. tail wagging and squirming around while you biscuit

5. how often a week do you masturbate?

hmmmm... it is a mystery i think... i feel like it varies from week to week but i think like. maybe lowballing it at 2-3 times a week ?? normally?? most of the time i just end up falling asleep instead of masturbating at night and ive been trying to cut back fkjsdkf but then i'll have weird weeks where its like. almost every day. and then entire weeks where i don't at all. it is a mystery...

9. have you ever tasted yourself?

i have!!! i got too curious one time. i went like :x and went yknow what ... maybe not for me (but also maybe it was just like the Act of tasting and the instant like post nut clarity that made me go :X. more research is needed perhaps fjsjfjd)

30. favorite part of your body?

none of it !!!!!!!! i am a wretched beast !!!!!!!! fjskfks no but uhh i guess ??? my ?? hair .????????? because its nice and i have bangs that make me look like this dog

[midnapanda]

"You have got to be ok with failing."

Ok done

"Wait no- not like that. You still have to try."

Nah <3

[jessaerys]

adderall takers have you ever abused ur prescription (taking several times ur usual dose at once) for fun and if yes what was it like

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

i don't want to take notes during an 8am meeting

i want to be a cat sitting on a chair in the sun

[asshuka]

mutual gay valentines gift giving hell yeah

commissions 🌠 ko-fi 🌠 patreon

[venusiancarbondioxide]

weird thing to feel shame about: wanting to go to sleep when i'm tired.

[velvetwyrme]

it is. 2am and i just got to reading the additions my beautiful wonderful co-writer in the google doc for chapter 6 of flipping fate and i. you all need to give them so much appreciation for this when the chapter comes out

@collegecomics18 i am fucking LOSING my mind 👀❣️❣️❣️

[kitteneyejo]

why dont your mind and body get tired at the same rate

[yvesdot]

Tagged by @furiousfinnstan to hit shuffle and post the first 10 songs! * = haven't listened yet. 🌿= favorites.

死にたいちゃん (Miss Wanna Die) by Switch ft. IA 🌿

Chromatica I by Lady Gaga

Kaleidoscope Haze by Project Overdoze 🌿

I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry 🌿

You Right by Doja Cat 🌿

Masa ni... Masa ni... Megami sama!! by UtataP ft Shake Me*

Words Words Words (Studio) by Bo Burnham*

Cross by Bare: A Pop Opera (2007 Studio Cast)

America's Suitehearts by Fall Out Boy*

Wonderful by OMFG

Tagging @fluoresensitive @butchniqabi @goosemixtapes @thewritersplace @anagnorvices @songbirdii @asablehart @sourrcandy @socialmediasocrates and whoever else would like to try! As always you're welcome to say I tagged you if you'd like to do it ^^

[unlimitedhorsepower]

Can I get an award for snapping the worst picture of Aurora Borealis? See the green?

Drove with the phenomena visible in front of me for at least half an hour until it started to move to the left where I eventually couldn't see it anymore