#some health ups and downs:

[dimsilver]

🌊

[thebibliosphere]

Once I get a washer and dryer on the main floor of the house instead of the basement, it's over for you hoes. (The laundry pile, my executive dysfunction, and POTS)

[lunarcrown]

OLLD drawing I can share now of Timmy after recovery and care from staying on double life and being looked after by the box boys~

He’s healthier, happier, his hair and wings have grown back out and have a pretty blue-black sheen to them (that he never knew he had bc in hels his diet and environment only let them be dull) and he just heard the sound of a portal opening for someone to come visit~!

[nordidia]

having a very rough night so raph doodles needed to be made

when in need, mash two interests together

[ineed-to-sleep]

*me immediately after going through a terrifying and traumatic experience* haha yeah I guess it was rough but I'm fine now like I'm totally chill. It was kinda funny actually if you think about it

[valtsv]

seeing the chernobyl fanfiction ask i got last month on my dash again and while i have never and will never write chernobyl fanfiction i feel like i might as well confess that i used to play littlest pet shop nuclear fallout disaster rp as a kid (nobody lives/everybody dies, graphic descriptions of radiation poisoning) so like anon wasn't that far off i guess

[kidvoodoo]

Yall think blond Jere is insane, I was there when THIS happened…

[toxooz]

Feel free to not answer this if its too invasive but what do you do for work? how do you manage your time to still create such awesome things while working? sorry if this comes off as weird I just want to find a way to work while still having time for my art

hoo boi ok i went into the job field hellbent on getting a more heavy duty job like welding and just do art as i please and preserve my passion for it so i dont get burnt out from an art job, but bröther ive realized the hard way my body just don't have the energy to balance working my ever sweatin ass off all day and Also have the energy to draw. I used to have a factory job building coolers but the management went to pure shit, all my good coworkers got fired or quit, and i was beginning to not trust myself holding a framing gun sOOO as of rn i '''technically''' don't have a job, my patreons payin the bills (and then some praise the lorTTTT) rn plus i got that mural gig that came at the most perfect time but im currently perfecting my craft at tattooing so i can get into that field eventually 🤙 i worked my ass off and drew my ass off for a while but my lack of energy made me crash and burn so i may not be the person to give advice on that AHHAAaa

[figofswords]

thinking about taking a little bit of a step back from social media for a bit for mental/physical health reasons (as in: chronic severe anxiety is causing chronic health issues and I need to remove stress Somehow). I will still post art but I’m probably gonna make an effort to engage with my dash only minimally, if at all. (that being said I have very poor discipline so if you see me suddenly reblogging stuff out of nowhere just. roll with it)

[notagaslightingcat]

during these trying times (Ao3 is down for maintenance) i will be going through the five stages of grief, but stop at stage two - anger - and proceed to go batshit insane :3

[spotaus]

Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡

So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.

At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.

Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.

I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.

So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.

If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

[pierogipete]

i am being so brave right now yall dont even know (<—forgot to being snack to work and now has to be hungry and sad until lunch)

[whereismyhat5678]

Nah man, I really gotta stop doing certain things

If you don’t wanna read you don’t have to, I’d say it’s KIND OF a vent but not really because I can’t take myself seriously like at all-

First things first there is one major thing I gotta stop and it is I HAVE TO STOP SAYING SORRY 24/7 my PARENTS have told me to STOP BUT I DONT- ITS INFURIATING. It’s like- you ever like try to go cold turkey on a habit that you do but you end up still doing it even if that cold turkey didn’t last for even an hour? YEAH ITS LIKE THAT- it’s a habit that I’ve built slowly upon and now it’s become a problem because anytime I DO say sorry over something minor my parents tell me to stop. I get they’re trying to help me, I love them for that, but it’s difficult when you assume anything you do and that you get a look for is your fault. Not their fault either if anything it’s mine for creating the habit but I’m telling you I just can’t stop it. It’s hard, and I hate it 💀

Second, I am a yapper. And there ain’t anything wrong with yapping first of all it’s just a problem and issue for me because I realize that I ain’t a multitasker. When it comes to be narrating to myself while doing something, chances are, I ain’t getting anything done because im too busy telling my life’s story to A WALL. And it’s especially become a problem because my mom (although is very interested with what I have to say) always tells me that I really just need to get stuff done and over with. I respect that, so im REALLY gonna try and just shut up. And I gotta be honest here I talk way too much for one person dude I just need to stop 😭😅

AND FINALLY, something I’m really trying to stop but it just keeps coming back to me!

Listen if I had the ability to clone myself: I would sit her down and give her a lecture on what she does sometimes ain’t very smart and I REALLY gotta stop doing it.

But I gotta wait, cuz time does take a little bit and I know it’s gonna be a slow process getting these habits to stop. But you know what, that’s okay. I’ll be patient with myself, I’ll try to be. I’m gonna be okay. We’re all gonna be okay together.

🫂

[sasha-whos-askin-racket]

Listen I love Claudia Donovan as much as the next person but they had the potential to make her so much more fucked up - and they were cowards for not doing it.

On one hand, I do think its funny that like, Artie *immediately* domesticated her (like fr, she went from kidnapping him with electrified handcuffs to wearing a blanket cape and playing chess in like....a week?), but also my god she should have been so much more fucked up.

Like we do get fair examples of her trauma responses (running away to fucking Switzerland when she thinks her safety is threatened, etc) but also I'm just. I dunno. I need more fucked up traumatised Claudia Donovan.

[bunnihearted]

lately i've been finding it so so hard to be positive and hopeful. and it's making me so bitter and hateful. i hate it but i dont know what to do about it