#someone save me from the chemistry also my delusions

[squidthoughts]

e4 of celebrity and sihyeon intervening in this fight…the twenty-five twenty-one of it all…please… also the convo right before- “she’s a good person” “oh you like her too?” yoon sihyeon i know what you are

edit: i spoke too soon she made an insta just to follow a-ri??? si-hyeon, bastion of sns-free reality?? the last grounding force being swept up in the maelstrom?? “i admit i did like her” i cannot take it here

[wheeler-things]

Henry Creel, Vampires, the Consumption of the Soul, and Will Byers with Powers

Oh look it’s time for yet another longwinded s5 Thinking Thoughts post with an off the rails ending. I feel like I’m getting predictable.

Well, anyway, I talked about this in the tags of a post that I reblogged at one point, but it's currently 20 minutes to midnight and I should either be sleeping or working on writing for the campaign I'm DMing in the new year, but instead all I can think about is Henry Creel and Will having powers and the way that Henry talks about his victims/how they appear in his mindscape. And, you know, also the fact that I've read all the currently available The Locked Tomb books and they left me scarred, and also altered my brain chemistry in such a way that once I thought about this possibility I couldn't stop thinking about it..

So, yeah. Time for me to talk about Henry Creel, and the way he talks about his victims, and I know I put this in the Byler tag, and I promise that's not just because of the target demo. I will eventually circle around to talking about Mike and Will in the context of this post in an unnecessarily angsty way.

But for now... Henry.

In s4e7, Henry tells El: "I could not do that. I could not close off my mind and join in the madness. I could not pretend. And I realized, I didn't have to. I could make my own rules. I could restore balance to a broken world. A predator... but for good. […] With each life I took, I grew stronger. More powerful. They were becoming a part of me. But I was still a child, and I did not yet know my limits. And it nearly killed me."

This monologue is, honestly, full of a bunch of really interesting things, and I'm can think of at least three posts that I currently have on the brain that I'm going to pick it apart for, but in terms of this specific post, I've bolded the bits I'll be focused on, and I'll be back to it in a bit.

Later in that scene, El looks to the dead bodies of the other lab kids, and Henry says: "They're not gone, Eleven. They're still with me. In here."

What I think is really important about this whole scene, right off the bat, is that Henry is not immediately hostile upon realizing that El has disobeyed him and left the closet. Regardless of whether you believe he had any amount of genuine affection for her or not, I think it's really important to note that the way in which Henry bonds with El/gains her trust is through teaching her things. He teaches her how to use her emotions in order to harness her powers more effectively. He teaches her to start questioning Brenner's motives. He teaches her about Sotaria (which also ties in with the previous thing). He teaches her how to escape the lab through the sewers (which I believe it's implied is how she got out of the lab in s1, though I'm not going back to check because I'm rewatching s1 for a different analysis and I don't want to lose my place). So the fact that he's still using his gentle voice with El here, and the fact that he's stopping to explain not only his motivations, but the fact that the people he kills are "not gone" and are "in here" [gestures to his head], suggests to me that he's attempting to teach her one last thing. Something that might make her okay with the fact that he just murdered a whole lab full of literally every person she's ever known save Kali and Brenner.

And this is so easy to dismiss as the ramblings of a mad man, or as him saying something to the effect of "I never forget any of the people that I kill". But I think it's a little dismissive to ignore what Henry says as simply the words of someone entirely disconnected from reality. Obviously, he is deluded. He talks about himself as though he is not also human, and he actively seems to want to kill everyone except possibly El and Will? But having delusions about his importance and identity and ideology is not the same thing as being deluded into believing something untrue about his powers/into falsely believing that his victims are kept alive inside him somehow. Moreover, although this last line in isolation could make sense in the context that he keeps the memories of his victims alive in his own mind, the rest of what he says does not line up with that. Nor does the fact that we see Chrissy's mangled body (and possibly some of the other victims, I'm so sorry I cannot remember-- but definitely at least one of the victims is seen in the mindscape) twisted into his mindscape.

So... now I'm going to go back to the earlier part of his speech and pick apart the bolded parts.

"I could make my own rules." The last time we heard that, it was El was saying it to Mike, in a misquote of Max's "we make our own rules". When Max was saying it, she was reassuring El that respinning the bottle was fine because, as the only two playing the game, they could make their own rules about what to do. However, when El uses it, it's because Mike has realized that she spied on him without his consent, and his offended response is to that "that's against the rules" (from context, it's difficult to know if this is a reference to rules that Hopper set out for her, or rules that she and Mike established together for their relationship-- the former isn't a great look for Mike, and the latter isn't a great look for El). El bites back, saying, "I make my own rules". When she says that, she is essentially saying "I have the ability to spy on you, so if I choose to do so, that's my prerogative" (let me just say: Mike did a lot of things wrong in s3, and he absolutely started the fight between him and El, but this specific action was not great of her). This parallels with Henry saying that he made his own rules, because when he says that, he seems to mean that he had the ability to read peoples' minds (and possibly more than that), and as such, it was his prerogative to do whatever he wanted to whomever he wanted, at any time. El is not the same as Henry (by any stretch of the imagination)... I just think this parallel is interesting (and also the contrast-- ultimately, El did what she did because she was having fun with a friend, which still isn't great because spying on people when they're supposed to be in private is not a good thing to do, but it's in an entirely different league from what Henry has done with similar power).

"A predator... but for good". So... the word "predator" has a lot of meanings, and I don't want to get too deeply into the conversations about whether Henry is or is not worthy of that title in the entirely too human sense, because it's far outside the scope of this post. However, we do know from the context of his monologue that when Henry talks about predators/apex predators, he's talking about spiders. That gives us context to know that when he calls himself a predator, it's likely that he means in the same way that a spider is a predator. Why are spiders predators? Because they hunt and kill other animals for food. The "for food" part of that is really important, because it's a key, defining factor in whether an animal is acting in a predatory way. However, predators are not inherently good or inherently evil. They are, by their nature as animals, inherently neutral. So, when Henry says that he could be "a predator... but for good", we know that he is essentially saying "a predator, like a spider... but with the human capacity to use that predatory status in order to enact what I believe to be good [which, in the context of Henry, means a complete disruption of "normal" human society] in the world".

"With each life I took, I grew stronger. More powerful. They were becoming a part of me." So... this is the line. This is the line that, to me, solidifies the idea that Henry's power grows specifically through the murders that he enacts. And that the people he kills in some way become part of him after death. It's exactly what he says and, although we have reason to doubt some of the other things that he says, this would be a very weird thing for him to lie about from an in-character POV, because it was never brought up as a possibility by anyone else, and weird for him to lie about from a narrative standpoint, because the characters don’t seem to really do anything with that information in s4 (nobody even suggests that Max could be inside Henry’s mind), so if it’s not literally true… why have him say that at all? Because if it isn’t meant literally… it’s a really odd line, and there would be other ways to phrase it if the implication was supposed to be “killing people made me feel stronger/improved my skills, and I metaphorically hold those I kill with me because remembering them gives me perverse glee”. Like, is it possible that’s what he means? Maybe. But personally I think the literal read makes more sense, because the metaphorical read doesn’t make sense in context of him trying to convince El to understand his perspective. Also, just, from a narrative standpoint, if it’s literally true, that opens up avenues to allow previously killed characters to make a re-appearance and, possibly puppeted or twisted by Henry’s mind, screw with the protagonists. Via the UD, Henry killed/directed to be killed: Barb (Nancy), Bob (Joyce or Will… lord if I have to watch Will face down Bob telling him that he killed him, I don’t know what I’ll do), possibly Max (Lucas and/or El), Eddie (Dustin), and technically also Will in s1 if they want to turn the Harry Potter allusions on their head and do a reverse horcrux situation where a sliver of Will’s soul is still in Henry and that’s what’s keeping them connected in which case hhhhhhh (Jonathan, Joyce, and Will could all have interesting reactions to this, but dear god if I have to watch Mike Wheeler face down a twisted, puppeted fragment of Will’s soul and suffer all the abuse Henry can use it to throw at him, and still look at it like s2 Mike looked at Will in the shed? I don’t even know what to say I’ll simply collapse I think??), and then obv if he kills anyone else that would add to the possible haunts. Like. You’ve got a character who can dip into people’s heads and the implication that he literally keeps his victims souls in his mind in some way… you could totally do some interesting stuff with having people meet their tortured and twisted dead loved ones is all I’m saying. Anyway, that’s a tangent. I just think it’s interesting.

So... anyway, in short, we know that Henry is willing to do whatever he wants in service of his own interests, just because he can, regardless of how others feel about it. We know that he considers himself a predator in the animal way (which implies the use of whatever you kill as food or at least a source of energy in some direct way), and that he believes he can specifically harness this predatory nature for his idea of "good". And we know that the people that Henry kills are, in some way, "part of" him, and that taking their lives makes him somehow "stronger" (presumably in his powers).

And... we also know that Henry has been compared to Dracula (or, more broadly, vampires in general via arguably the most famous vampire).

So... the connections to Dracula are pretty obvious on the surface. Scary undead/less dead than originally anticipated dude who was once human but now very much is not lives far away in a spooky old house, surrounded by spooky animals that Aren't Quite Right. And then there are all of the OTHER connections-- a protagonist named Jonathan who is very far away from the woman he loves, SO many letters (I say, thinking about Max's letters and El and Mike's letters and Mike and Will's copious lack of letters, and.... hhh), and a large group going to kill Dracula, including a young woman/girl who has been "marked" by him and, though they have found a rather simple way to keep him at bay from her, if he gets his way she will be killed and will join him forever... I'm just saying. The parallels are there.

But, also, I want to think about vampire myths more generally. Because vampires have a history which dates back at least as far as Mesopotamia (in various forms/in root forms, not necessarily by the name "vampire"/in any forms that are particularly similar to modern interpretations— being clear because I think vampire history/mythology through time is legitimately interesting and many cultures have vampire-like creatures but very few of them are literally called ‘vampires’ and… ugh I’m sorry I’ll get off topic if I let myself rant about this but these myths are so cool!!), so vampires have been a lot of things over time. But at least today, they're very associated with blood in popular culture (nosebleeds), they don't show up in mirrors (traditionally this was because mirrors had silver in them but something something the UD or at least the Mind Flayer doesn't like water, Henry says he holds up a mirror to everyone else... I don't know just interesting), they're associated with bats and wolves (demobats and demodogs), sometimes they're said to be able to turn into mist (the shadow monster?), and there are potential ties to the more general anxieties about blood born or sexually transmitted diseases/to incubus/succubus mythology (a little more abstract here, but this may tie into the way that Henry often appears in dreams/visions which prey on his victims' anxieties-- not to mention, for a show set in the 80s with a gay teen at the forefront, there are copiously no allusions to the AIDS crisis, despite the fact that we see Will being violently bullied for being gay, so, you know, if you take the UD as a metaphor for that reality— a topic so wildly outside the scope of this post that I cannot say more about it even though I actually think it’s a really interesting metaphor that seems to exist in the show— then, yeah, that's another metaphorical tie to blood born/sexually transmitted disease).

But there is also a potential connection between vampires as blood drinkers and the concept of blood as some sort of physical representation of life force/soul. They're not necessarily 1:1 on a spiritual/religious level, depending on your tradition, but it's pretty common to associate blood in some way with the soul. So, when a vampire drinks the blood of their victim, they are, on at least a metaphorical level, essentially consuming the soul of their victims (which gets into some interesting stuff with the common idea that a vampire does not have a soul, or that to become a vampire, one must not only have their blood consumed by a vampire, but must also consume that vampire's blood as well). So, if Henry is allegorically a vampire, and vampires drink something that is metaphorically like soul, and Henry's a predator whose victims make him stronger... hm.

All of which is to say, I think the show is telling us, through the vampire allusions and through the implications of everything he's said, that Henry in some way consumes the souls (or minds or life forces or potential futures or whatever) of his victims (thus making him a true predator who not only kills but also eats what he kills).

This seems to be what he's trying to teach El in that final conversation before she banishes him to the Upside Down, and the fact that she could not (or would not) understand what he was saying seems to have been the thing that turned him from trying to keep her on his side to deciding to attempt to kill her (or to simply make her watch as he kills and presumably consumes Max). And we know that El doesn't learn it, because we can clearly see that killing doesn't make her stronger, so she's clearly not consuming any of the people she's killing. She can mimic Henry's methods of killing people physically (we see this in s1, and that's highlighted when the military suspects that El's doing the murders in s4 because Henry's style is so similar to her own), but she can't or won't do whatever it is that he does to consume souls.

But this poses a problem, though.

Because, El's already had her training montage. She became stronger and went off to face the big bad, and she lost. Max died and Hawkins fell. That's a failure of the "love confession saves the world" trope, as people have discussed, but it's also a failure of the training montage trope! El is at her strongest, and she still cannot defeat Henry alone.

Which brings me to Will. I'm not going to get into all of the details which suggest that Will has powers of some sort, beyond his Henry-sensing abilities. Other people have done that, and there really isn't room for it here. However, what I would wonder is, even if Will discovers his powers at some point before the potential time skip... how is he going to be strong enough to (in tandem with El) defeat Henry, when an entire lab full of trained and superpowered kids weren't able to? Because Will is still a child, himself, and at best, he won't even know about his powers for more than about three years, presumably WITHOUT the intense level of training that El received from birth?

And... here's where I'm going to bring things back to something I've said in another post which is... this late in the game, if they're going to introduce any established protagonists besides El having powers, those powers are going to have to feel like a loss when they first appear/quickly after they appear. The character who has them has to be hurt by them, so they don't feel like a cheap win for the characters. Would it be sudden for Will to develop powers? No, not really. The clues have been there from s1. But they're also subtle enough that if you're not into ST analysis or prone to regularly rewatching the show, they're easy to miss, so a fair bit of s5 would have to be devoted to showing Will realizing that he has them and growing into using them in order for any use of them against Henry to feel earned. Incidentally, these are all the same things which are equally true for the establishment/on-screen development of Byler, so I wouldn’t be shocked if there was a connection there.

And this is where I'm about to go wildly off the rails, but... what if Will has powers and gets a power boost in the absolute worst way possible? Because, depending on how Henry consumes his victims (obviously just killing them isn't it, because that does nothing for El)... I mean. Mike has all those death flags going on (even though I highly doubt he'll end the show dead). I don't know.

I'm just saying... Mike's prone to self-sacrifice, if he thinks it will help the people he loves. I'm just saying, if he were already dying, and if they already knew that Henry has the advantage because he's consuming the souls of the people he kills(/absorbing them into his mindscape in some capacity that allows him to use them to fuel his own abilities), and if they knew that Will had similar powers but with less strength because he only had his own self to draw upon... I'm just saying, would Mike Wheeler do anything else, except beg Will to make his death mean something? Would he honestly trust anyone else enough to literally give everything that he is to them?

I'm just saying, it would be an absolute gut punch of a scene, it would tie back into Mike's s1 character issues of self-sacrifice, it would give narrative weight to what seems to be the fact that Henry in some way keeps or draws power from the people that he's killed. And it would be incredibly easy to write it in such a way that there's more power in a willing sacrifice/in a soul that is willingly with you/willing to work with your own than in a plethora of souls that you have trapped in your mental "web" in order to feast on. Something something gay love saves the day (plus, El's almost certainly going to figure out a way to put Max back into her own body at some point in s5, so it's not even like there wouldn't be a way for Mike to come back to life, as long as they managed to keep his body alive-- also because, as I said in the notes of the post where I first commented on this concept, there's not a snowball's chance in hell that they're ending the show with Will as Mike's devastated living mausoleum, like, it's just not happening that way).

So, uh. Yeah, that’s the thought that keeps spinning in circles around my head, and I hate it so much. I’m aware that this is an out there idea and almost certainly won’t come to pass, and frankly, I’m glad for that.

But the fact that it’s far fetched doesn’t mean that I can unsee the mental image of Mike/Will in a HtN Gideon/Harrow style situation where Mike and Will are both in Will’s head, and Mike, whenever he’s lucid, is begging Will to just finish the job, to consume him properly so Will and El/the Party can be even a step closer to defeating Henry, and meanwhile Will’s doing everything he can to avoid dousing the last bit of Mike he has left, especially when he still hopes to put Mike back in his body. Like. I know this won’t happen, but even the thought that there’s a 0.01% chance that it could has me shaking in my boots.

[umbran6]

The Argument Against Caleo

Spoilers up to Blood of Olympus and beyond. Beware! (Or not, the book series has been out for a few years, get over it). I wrote this after seeing a user wondering why people didn’t like Caleo, or in some cases, hated it. Here, I want to explain the answer as much as possible while doling out my own points. 

One of the main grievances I have as a fan of Leo Valdez would be the ship Caleo, or Leo x Calypso. It’s a complicated ship, to say the least, with multiple issues that make me question why people like the ship. And I admit it, they initially had some chemistry, but there’s multiple issues that Uncle Rick produced through making such a relationship that makes it extremely open to criticism, criticism which I will explain through this post.

One of my main points against them is that the ship was created on a very limited time scale. Although we aren’t given an exact date to date of when Leo and Calypso met to when they fell in love, we can safely estimate it to be a week at best. Such a limited amount of time from going through the multiple stages of a relationship already stresses the limits of the suspension of disbelief.

A counterexample would be Percabeth, or Percy x Annabeth. Throughout the series, we aren’t introduced to them being romantically involved until the Titan’s Curse, which was two years after they met. Specifically, this is brought up by Aphrodite, the goddess of love herself. Admittedly, Percy and Annabeth were twelve years old when they first met, when romance was definitely out of the picture, especially with a quest to get the Master Bolt.

However, from there we get to see multiple examples of their character depth, ranging from their respective fatal flaws to their ambitions, hopes and dreams, and their friendship. We get to see the slow build up of their chemistry, which was a really good writing move on Uncle Rick’s part. These characters took their sweet time to get to where they wanted to go, and despite the false romantic lead of Rachel, they still got together.

On the other hand, we don’t see enough of this between Leo and Calypso — we only see one book where they interacted with each other in The House of Hades, and that was only for a handful of chapters. While they are definitely older so they can jump straight to romance (some may say too old, but I’ll get to that) its still a pretty huge gap to jump through without making it stick. This makes it hard to root for a ship when it is built on a rather faulty foundation from the ‘they just met’ to ‘they get together’, especially when they don’t have a lot of events to show their chemistry.

Which brings me to Ogygia, which has raised a few red flags for me when looking at it from a retrospective point of view. Now, we know what the main issue of the island is that the hero who landed on said island can’t leave until Calypso falls in love with them. And we’ve seen this with Percy during the Battle of the Labyrinth, where he lands in the island and Calypso falls in love with him while tending to his wounds from, you know, being erupted from freaking Mt. St. Helens. Needless to say, this falling in love with each other montage happened quickly to the point of suspicion, which sets up the complication that Calypso and Leo might have fallen in love due to magical intervention.

And hear me out, because although this  might be a pretty big pill to swallow, we have evidence for this through Percy. It only takes one chapter for Calypso and Percy to meet, and the next he’s willing to consider leaving Camp Half-Blood and Annabeth behind to live on the island when Hephaestus gives him the choice to leave Ogygia or stay. We don’t even get an explanation on why Percy considered giving it all up just so he can be with her. All we know is, girl meets boy, now they want to live on an isolated island forever. It’s especially absurd considering Percy’s hamartia (fatal flaw) is freaking loyalty to those he loves.  Needless to say, It’s a huge YIKES, especially when we apply it to Leo and Calypso. 

It also raises the possibility that the romantic relationship between them is doomed to failure. And if you guys want to fight me on this, let’s look at Jason and Piper, a couple whose relationship started with a similar foundation. Piper had romantic memories implanted into her brain by Hera through the use of the Mist, while Jason was reduced to a Tabula Rasa (a blank slate for those who lack culture) by said goddess. They broke up before the Trials of Apollo because it was clear that when the dust settled, Piper had been aware that their romance was a lie and that their intentions to stay together was a mix of delusion and pressure from freaking Aphrodite. Leo and Calypso get together under what is arguably a very similar set of conditions if Ogygia’s magic had any influence on their relationship, and that this magic could wear off if given enough time. 

Third, and here’s a pretty big one for me, would be Calypso’s character, mainly because there are a lot of unfortunate implications attached to it. In The Blood of Olympus, she was turned into the divine equivalent of Princess Peach, with Leo being her Mario (except he saves her with a badass metal dragon). Its extremely unnecessary to make a character, especially as one such as Calypso, get  turned into the typical reward of a B-Class action movie. It’s insulting and puts her up as a trophy, a narrative that is definitely not ok by any means necessary.

In another direction, Calypso is also really, really worrying when things don’t go get her way. First, let’s look at The Odyssey, the first myth she pops up. Calypso had imprisoned Odysseus for ten years on her island until Hermes said to let him go, and although it gives them plenty of time to fall in love, it also raises the implications of stockholm syndrome. Then we’ve got the fact that Calypso cursed Annabeth out of spite, implicitly saying that she wished the daughter of Athena would suffer the same isolation that she did, which came to reality when Percy and Annabeth met the Arai in Tartarus. And Annabeth wasn’t even aware that she was still in Ogygia, much less intentionally intervened in the matter. When Percy left Ogygia, rather than be angry at Percy, Calypso cursed Annabeth out of all people to suffer the same loneliness and misery she went through. That’s some Hera at her worst levels of spite. 

Through such evidence we can see that Calypso is extremely wrathful towards those who break her heart even though they don’t want to. It certainly implies that Calypso isn’t in a good state of mind, and could easily repeat said actions if provoked. We could almost compare it to Medea and the original Jason, but at least in that case, Medea has every right to be pissed off at Jason and take her revenge. Calypso’s curse and how she handles things certainly implies a level of immaturity that would end in disaster if they broke up.

One issue that, I’ll admit is more from my personal point of view is that the ship took a lot of Leo’s character and threw it in the garbage in Blood of Olympus. Though we see him do a lot of stuff behind the scenes, the fact that its all for the goal of reaching Calypso just reduced him to someone who is more focused on love than, you know, fighting the evil goddess that was responsible for killing his mom and getting sweet sweet revenge. While the revenge plot can be cliched sometimes, it can be played well, while romance and the typical ‘always save the girl’ trope is just overdone. If Leo had been allowed to, you know, be more focused on other things rather than Calypso, we could have seen a lot more variety in his character.

For example as one of the possible character arcs he could’ve gone through, Leo has always been alone among the couples, often being isolated. Heck, Nemesis herself stated that he would always be the seventh wheel, and that he would never find a place among his brethren. Though some fellow tumblr users have taken this in multiple ways, either saying that he should learn to be happy by himself or that he is socially isolated in the Argo II because of these romantic relationships (I prefer a mix of both). Uncle Rick just giving him a girlfriend seems like taking the easy way out of solving such an issue and abandoning what could’ve been a rather interesting character arc. The relationship isn’t a bad thing if we remove some of the unfortunate implications, but it is a bad way to end what is a complex and realistic problem for a character and in some cases maybe possible in real life.

One more minor but still yikes worthy point is that there’s a huge age gap between them. We’re not talking about the ‘Hazel is 15 and Frank is 17 and in one year that’ll be a problem because then Hazel will be jailbait’ age gap. And even then, we can argue that Hazel is older since she is chronologically ninety-one years old. No, Calypso is older by millennia in terms of mindset and body due to the perks of being a goddess, while Leo is sixteen.

God-to-Mortal relationships are already complicated, even with emotionally and socially well-functioning adults. The fact that Leo is underage, inexperienced with romance (despite his flirting, Calypso was his first kiss), and has been through a freaking ton of trauma in his youth, does not make this okay. At best, they’re both mutually interested in each other but may have different expectations when it comes to a relationship. At worst, Calypso is taking advantage of a boy just so she can get out of Ogygia and possibly dumping him later on like the wrapping of a candy bar. Even though Calypso lost her immortality during The Trials of Apollo, that doesn’t even compensate for the immense age gap alongside Leo’s guilt at the possibility that he might’ve been responsible for her losing said immortality.

Oh, and about Leo... I’m a fan of him, but I can admit that he is in a bad spot both mentally and emotionally throughout the series. He’s lost his mom due to a mix of his own powers and Gaea’s trickery, and never had the chance to fully process that event and come to terms with it. The foster home system alongside his own trauma has forced him to hide his emotions through a façade of happiness and jokes when it’s quite clear to me he needs a therapist, stat. He's also run away from several foster homes, implying this means he was and still is being affected by the event. His mask is still on during The Blood of Olympus considering he hid a lot of things from Piper and Jason.

Speaking about them, not helping this matter is the fact that he’s rather isolated in terms of friendships since Jason and Piper, his supposed best friends are more interested in locking lip rather than, you know, actually hanging out with each other.  He doesn’t have good friendships with the rest of the Seven, and the closest ones he does have is with Hazel and Frank. And even then they start off in the wrong spot since Frank is very insecure about possibly losing Hazel to him during Mark of Athena while Hazel in the meantime, is also dealing with the fact that he is the descendant of her possible boyfriend Sammy Valdez. 

This could indirectly have made him desperate for affection since he has nobody else to confide in during the rest of the series, which is a bad mental state to be in when one lands on Ogygia, the island that we’ve seen could possibly force two people to fall in love with each other. A romantic relationship is not something that he needs or something that will help him in the future. He needs more than that, and having him in one that could end in disaster is the last thing he needs. 

And that does not make him a bad person, much less a bad character. While some who are similarly emotionally and socially isolated may turn to violence or creepy behavior on those they want affection from, Leo does not do that to the other characters. It just means that he as a character needs more time to recover and develop before we go giving him romantic relationships, much less one with Calypso.

That’s not to say that they don’t have some things in common. Both are starved for love and affection, with Calypso being constantly rejected by heroes while Leo was rejected by foster homes and his own family. It’s a trait that they have in common, but it shouldn’t be the only thing that they have in common, especially since it is laced with a trauma that is clear they haven’t had help processing. They need to develop more as characters and as friends before they should be paired together.

So… yeah. The Caleo relationship is, in my eyes, doomed to failure, or at least heavily flawed after taking the above points into account. Uncle Rick, as if seemingly aware of these criticisms, has put the relationship in a rocky place by The Tower of Nero, giving them the possibility of overcoming the above criticisms and their own flaws, or giving fanfic writers an out and pairing Leo with another character or have him single, but happy. Either way, in my opinion Caleo is a bad ship when it comes to how it was created, alongside the flaws and unfortunate implications it has.

While I can see some of the chemistry the ship has, you can’t just use a couple of moments where they get along as evidence that they belong together, especially with the above reasons. That’s like using a band-aid to cover a bullet hole without removing the bullet, stopping the bleeding, and preventing infection. If both characters and their relationship had been given more time to develop, I would understand how they would get together. 

[coke-and-candy]

Fashion Editorial Special: Audrey Bourgeois

Inspired by this post link by @purrincess-chat 

Lila put herself out there in the public domain, and just because Marinette’s class and teachers might be stupid enough to fall for her lies, doesn’t mean that there aren’t adults out there who are...

The question was who? Who is critical and vicious enough to do so and has a HUGE audience to say things to, and who works closely with the modeling and fashion worlds and actually knows what they’re talking about...? 

Why! Madame Audrey Bourgeois! The Queen of Fashion herself. So please put on your best Devil Wears Prada reading hats on and enjoy as Audrey takes no prisoners. 

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“Gabriel Agreste Losing His Mind and Sense of Taste”

By Audrey Bourgeois

Published: 9/15/20XX

It is no secret in the fashion world that since the mysterious disappearance of Emilie Agreste, famous Parisian actress, model, and wife of Gabriel Agreste—the man who had single handedly built the Gabriel brand from the ground up—the once envied designer had shut himself away from the world. Living the life of a recluse and refusing nearly any physical human interaction.

That is not to say that the man had lost his ability to design and to run his business, he just now does it all from the Agreste Manor in Paris, France. According to sources he now mostly conducts business meetings via videoconference calls and oversees the employees of this fashion empire via his ever-present and faithful assistant, Nathalie Sancoeur.  It was not until a little over a year after the disappearance of his beloved wife that Gabriel Agreste, at last, decided to grace the world with his presence. Appearing, for the first time in public, at the Gabriel Spring Fashion Show, where his own teenage son and Paris heartthrob, Adrien Agreste (age 15), was walking the catwalk modeling one of the newest spring suits and featuring a stylish bowler hat, designed by a talented and young up-in-coming designer, Marinette Dupain-Cheng (age 14).

Despite certain incidents that occurred on that day. Part of which was caused by the gross oversight Gabriel Agreste (a first sign to be sure). The show could still be considered a success and did showcase to the rest of the fashion world that Gabriel Agreste’s talent and designing abilities still reigned supreme and are still a force to be reckoned with, regardless of any personal issues he may be facing in private.

It seemed as if Gabriel was making small steps towards the acceptance in his single life.

Turns out this one moment of public interaction may have been the first cry for help.

His latest decisions in regards to just WHO represents his brand have been nothing but questionable and completely and ridiculous, utterly ridiculous.

This past season Gabriel had introduced a new face to its teen fashion line. One Lila Rossi (age 15).

At first it seemed as if this was simply a pity shoot for one of Adrien Agreste’s little schoolmates, as they both attend the same school and are in the same class.

But, alas, this was tragically not the case.

Despite her clear lack of ascetic taste, especially when it came to her own hair. Really, someone should tell that poor child that hanging two sausages on both sides of her face not onlyfails to come across as ‘trendy’ but it sends an ENTIRELY different message.

I’m both surprised and appalled her mother would leave the house with that style.

I certainly would never allow my own child to been seen like that in public.

Unfortunately, that first shoot was only the beginning as Ms. Rossi has appeared alongside fellow model, Adrien, in three more shoots and a commercial that pathetically tries, and monumentally fails, in portraying them as a young couple in love.

I have worked in fashion long enough to be able to spot what works and what does NOT a merely a glance. But one does not even need to be an INTERN to recognize that the dynamics between Adrien Agreste and Lila Rossi is so utterly ridiculous to the point a shutter of nausea courses through one’s body.

While Adrien continues to hold his own in the modeling world, despite the large shadows that both his parents cast, he is able to shine on his own merit and truly does have the looks and talent to model and act (no doubt traits he inherited from his mother). The same cannot be said for Lila Rossi.

Lila Rossi’s whole look (if you can call it that) is simply not genuine. I have worked in this industry long enough to be able to tell the diamonds apart from the rhinestones. Lila Rossi may want for people to believe that she is a diamond, but she is, without a doubt a rhinestone. Cheap, easy to produce, and a one in a billion find. Oh, sure she may have charm and charisma to carry some solo stock picture photo shoots but in order to make it in the Fashion World one requires to have a certain light and spark that stands on its own.

To put it simply, this girl has no discernable personality. Her expressions are stagnant, as if she had to practice being human, her posing leads me to believe she is merely trying to look good for the camera instead of working to display the clothing and products in their best light, and she has close to no versatility in any of the photo-shoots she has done as all of her pictures can be simply described as her in different outfits but using the exact same four expressions over and over again.

When I say the same expressions, I mean—THE EXACT SAME.

The Sophia robot emotes more human emotion than Rossi.

It is Adrien who carries the shoots and is doing the lion shares of the work while Lila Rossi does her best to APPEAR like a model. To put it simply—she is NOT.

Her hair is just one issue, but it her overall presence that just scream ‘Fake’.

A picture is worth a thousand words, and unfortunately, there are many pictures to choose from.

In the very first photo-shoot that was done with Adrien as her co-model you can easily see the disparity between the two. While Ms. Rossi seems more than happy to be in a loving embrace by one of Paris’ most eligible young bachelors, the same cannot be said for the young Agreste heir. There is an obvious tension in his body language that does not show in any of his other photo-shoots, including ones where he and another model were portraying romantic feelings for those ads. The untrained eye can see the slight curve of his spine, as if he wishes to get away but can’t, the small tension in his smile that screams, “I don’t want to be here but I have a job to do”.

My final verdict to the latest photo-shoot from the Gabriel name, that once more featured Adrien Agreste and Liar Rossi, was that is was ridiculous, completely and utterly ridiculous!

Inside sources on location where the two teens have modeled have also confirmed that there does not seem to be any natural chemistry between them and that Adrien had picked up a habit of making himself scarce until he is needed. Other sources verify that Lila Rossi seems to cling to him as much as possible. Perhaps, in the hopes that someone will confirm her own pathetic delusions of the possibly budding relationship between the two of them?

And my does this girl have a number of delusions.

Not counting the one where she THINKS she can model.

According to several interviews that this girl has given to the sub-par tabloid blog, TheLadyblog, she claims to be the best friend of the Parisian super-heroine, Ladybug. Claims to have connections to multiple high-profile celebrities such as Jagged Stone and Clara Nightingale. Going as far as to claim that Jagged Stone even wrote a song about her. Lets ignore the legal implications of a man in his early thirties writing a song about a child for a second and continue examining more of said child’s claims.

According to another interview she gave on the same trashy blog, she claimed to be involved in multiple charitable organizations and causes, citing different projects that she has ‘supposedly’ helped with and oh so humbly placed most of the successes of those projects on her shoulders.

An official statement from Gabriel has stated that the girl has multiple health issues as well and is an inspiration on her abilities to overcome those obstacles in order to model and her other so-called various charitable actions. Very, well we won’t pry into a minor’s personal health.

Her public life, however, now that she is in the public domain is fair game.

It did not take even twenty minutes of searching to find absolutely NO validity to any of her claims.

Her claims of being a close personal friend of Ladybug: FALSE

-      The timeline does not match her arrival to Paris with her family. Nor does allow for ample time to establish any sort of close friendship.

-      Ladybug herself has the sense to never reveal anything about her personal life, but a little nobody is more than happy to broadcast their ‘supposed’ friendship on a blog that could once claim to be the best source for information on Paris’ two heroes? I think not.

-      Eyewitnesses from when the girl was Akumatized into Chameleon and subsequently defeated on the Eiffel Tower stated that Lila Rossi seemed to hold animosity towards the red clad heroine.

-      Ladybug has made no statements in knowing Lila Rossi and there has been no photo documentation of the two seen together, even though Ladybug can be seen almost daily swinging around and running along Paris’ rooftops with Chat Noir.

Her claims about Jagged Stone writing a song about her because she saved his kitten on airport runway: FALSE

-      Jagged Stone has never owned a kitten according to his personal assistant, Penny Rolling, and his exclusive interview with La Mode three years ago that revealed that the only pet he ever had other than his current pet crocodile, Fang, was a dog as a child in the States.

-      A quick Internet search also reveals that Jagged Stone and Lila Rossi have never even been in the same country together until four months ago. The rock star was still on tour in America while Ms. Rossi was in Paris, France.  The date of the Ladybloginterview is time stamped long before then.

Her claims to helping inspire and help co-write Clara Nightingale’s last album: FALSE

-      Countless interviews with the pop singer, and official statements upon the release of her album, Heart of Gold, will reveal that the inspiration for said album was her grandmother in her native home country of Brazil.

-      This was also the first album that Clara had written completely on her own in order to establish her own unique flair.  

-      I personally reached out to Clara herself and confirmed that she has never, met or even HEARD of a Lila Rossi. Strange? One would think that such collaboration would ensure that one of the parties involved would at least remember the other’s name?

Her claims to travel with Prince Ali of the Kingdom of Achu for environmental charitable work: FALSE

-      Again, a quick Internet search of the Prince’s official website and bio lists all of the organizations he is involved with. All of which focus primarily on children such as the International Coalition for Equal Opportunities, the World Health Organizations vaccinations drive, and the Refugee Children’s Fund to name a few.

-      A quick call to the royal family’s publicity affairs office confirmed that Prince Ali had never been in contact with Lila Rossi and are now looking into the matter for themselves. After all, an unknown person cozying themselves up to the second in line to the throne is matter of GREAT interest to the Royal Head of Security.

Her other claims of travel to international destinations in the middle of the school year: FALSE

-      According to the Italian Embassy’s official website Mademoiselle Maria Rossi had been stationed in Paris since her arrival almost a year ago and has not left the country, other than for a few short trips back to Italy to visit family members.

Her claims in having trained in gymnastics, ballet, and figure skating and even going so far as medal in gold in all three at major competitions in Italy: FALSE

-      Again, a quick Internet search reveals all winners of the top twenty major competitions in Italy for the past fifteen years. Names, age, date, and location of the competitions are easily and readily available to the public. NOTHING about Lila Rossi winning gold in any sort of athletic competition.

Her claims of being invited to have tea with her Royal Majesty, the Queen of England: FALSE

-      Any and all of the Queen o England’s engagements are public records as well as very well documented. Surprise, surprise there is NOTHING about a Lila Rossi mentioned in any credible new source, or even a single tabloid blurb. The only thing to sustain such a claim is the word a child who actually believes that her jacket looks good in light of day.

Honestly, I could go on and on and even be able to write a whole book. This girl has told so many tall tales she makes elected officials seem honest.

So let this be clear to the world of Fashion.

Lila Rossi is nothing more than a liar.

A liar who had only as gotten as far as she did because she was lucky enough to find someone with a decent online following that was both gullible and stupid enough to post those interviews online without ever once providing additional sources to verify them or double checking those claims. It was not that difficult disclaim every single one of those interviews.

I timed myself and it did not even take me my lunch break to do so.

The very fact that this girl is supposed to be the lead female teen face of Gabriel makes me question Gabriel Agreste’s sanity. Does he honestly think that having Rossi represent his brand is the smartest thing to do?

There clearly must be something in the water in Paris if Gabriel Agreste had not even bother to run a simple background check on the girl in order to ensure that there were no skeletons in the closet that would haunt his brand. Turns out she did not have any, but she sure did purposely create them.

I have to congratulate Monsieur Agreste on this achievement though.

Never have I seen the credibility of a designer go from as set in stone, to as questionable as a ‘designer gown’ bought in a Sale-Mart so quickly. What other decisions is he making behind the scenes that will further clue us in to his mental decline. Will the next Gabriel Show feature plaid parachute pants with matching toucan bird print dress shirts?

Yes, it seems as though grief has finally come to claim another once brilliant designer if he is unable to see past the paper-thin façade that Lila Rossi believes will be able to get her through this world. All the signs are there in same hideous orange Rossi insists on wearing.

Clue number one should have been her clear lack of any substance, versatility, and talent after the first photo-shoot she appeared in. The transparent aversion his own son has shown towards a fellow classmate should have been clue number two. And finally, clue number three should have been that this girls climb to fame was all due to a tabloid blog, TheLadyblog, run by the amateur journalist of all amateurs journalists that could not even be bothered to check their sources.

Or Google for that matter…

Gabriel has been known to take certain risks in the past, but the decision to hire Lila Rossi is nothing more than a mistake.

For the sake of all of our ocular senses, both Gabriel Agreste and Lila Rossi are clearly in need of psychiatric help.

The sooner, the better.

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Yay, nay? What did you guys think of this little Fashion Editorial by the Queen of Fashion of the Miraculous universe. Any thoughts. This was just so much fun to write I am so doing a follow-up to this. 

[imdoingthismspaintadventure]

WORM 1.5 : In which we are saved by the bestest of good boys

You don’t properly appreciate what superhuman strength means until you see someone leap from the sidewalk to the second floor of a building on the far side of the street.  He didn’t make it all the way to the roof, but he came to a point maybe three quarters of the way up.  I wasn’t sure just how Lung kept from falling, but I could only guess that he just buried his fingertips into the building’s exterior.

Holy shit.

He just mega jumped to the building where Taylor is and is hanging on the outside wall by his claws!

You better come up with a way to escape or to do something, cause you seem preeetyy dead right now.

I heard scraping and crunching as he ascended, and looked to my only escape route.  I didn’t harbor any delusions as far as my ability to get down the fire escape before Lung came over the top of the roof and deduced where I’d run off to.  Worse, at that point he could probably just beat me to the street level by jumping off the roof, or even just shoot fire at me through the gaps in the metal while I was halfway down.  The irony of the fire escape being anything but didn’t escape me.

Yeah that’s kind of a disadvantage of being in high-up places if you can’t fly or teleport or something. Pretty easy to get trapped.

I wished I could fly.  My school offered the choice between Chemistry, Biology and Physics, with Basic Science for the underachievers.  I hadn’t picked Physics, but I was still pretty sure that no matter how many I could gather together, jumping off the roof with a swarm of flying insects gripping me would be just as ineffective as the 9 year old superhero wannabes you heard about in the news, jumping off ledges with umbrellas and bedsheets.

 I really don’t think they can carry your bodyweight, or even slow down your descent. You would splat on the floor like a, well, bug.

Also holy shit that is kinda dark and probably a likely consecuence of powers in our world. Poor kids.

For the time being, I was stuck where I was.

Home BuildingStuck

Reaching inside the convex armor that covered my spine, I ran my fingers over the things I had buckled in there.  The EpiPens were meant to treat anaphylactic shock from allergic reactions to bee stings and the like, and likely wouldn’t do a thing to Lung, even if I could get close enough and find a point to inject.  Worst case scenario, the injections would supercharge his power by prompting a surge of whatever hormones or endorphins fueled his power.  Not useful, dangerous at best.  I had a pouch of chalk dust that was meant for climbers and gymnasts, I had seen it in the sports store when I was buying the lenses for my mask.  I had gloves and didn’t think I needed the dryness and extra traction, but I had gotten the idea that it could be useful to throw at an invisible enemy, and bought it on a whim.  In retrospect, it had been kind of a dumb purchase, since my power let me find foes like that with my bugs. As a tool against Lung… I wasn’t sure if it would explode like regular dust could when exposed to flame, but fire didn’t hurt him anyways. Scratch that option.

...Fuck yes

I love characters that think about what they could do best in every situation with the resources they have. If Taylor is like this for the rest of the serial....God I’m gonna enjoy this.

The problem is that I don’t think she has many options at all

I tugged the little canister of pepper spray free from my armor.  It was a black tube, three inches long, not much thicker around than a pen, with a trigger and a safety switch.  It had been a gift from my dad, after I had started to go on my morning jogs for training.  He had warned me to vary my route, and had given me the pepper spray for protection, along with a chain to clip it to my belt loop so it couldn’t be taken and used against me by an attacker.  In costume, I had opted not to keep the chain for the sake of moving quietly.  Using my thumb, I flicked the safety off and positioned the tube so I was ready to fire. I crouched to make myself a smaller target, and waited for him to show himself.

Hmmm could pepper spray work? Maybe if he doesn’t have his eyes or face fully armored...

Also I find the mental image of this possibly hilarious.

Lung’s hands, still on fire, were the first thing to show up, gripping the edge of the roof hard enough to bend the material that covered the roof’s raised lip.  His hands were quickly followed by his head and torso as he hauled himself up.  He looked like he was made of overlapping knives or spades, smouldering yellow-orange with the low temperature flame.  There was no skin to be seen, and he was easily seven or eight feet tall, judging by the length of his arms and torso. His shoulders alone were three feet across at the very least.  Even the one eye that he had open looked metallic, a glowing, almond shaped pool of liquid-hot metal.

He probably looks more like a daemon than a dragon now. At least he doesn’t seem to have wings...

Just a veritable inferno of molted metal and flame and a looot of anger

I aimed for the open eye, but the spray fired off at a sharp angle, just glancing off his shoulder.  Where the spray grazed him, it ignited into a short lived fireball.

Taylor used improvised flamethrower against the fire demon! Doesn’t seem very effective...

Hopefully the spray doesn’t ignite before touching his face because I think a pyrokinetic can handle himself otherwise...

I swore under my breath and fumbled with the device.  While he brought his leg over the edge, I adjusted my angle and shot again.  This time – with a small tweak of my aim mid-shot – I hit him in the face.  The ignited spray rolled off of him, but the contents still did the trick. He screamed, letting go of the roof with one hand, clutching the side of his face where his good eye was.

AAGH MY EYE! WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE GODDAMN EYE??!

Taylor could be an excellent markswoman, she seems to have a lot of precission and nuance in aiming.

It had been vain to hope that he would slip and fall.  I just counted myself lucky that however metallic his face looked, there were still parts of it vulnerable to the spray.

At least for now...

Lung hauled himself over the edge of the roof.  I had him hurting… I just couldn’t do anything about it.  My bugs were officially useless, there was nothing left in my utility sheath, and I would hurt myself more than I hurt Lung if I attacked him.  Making a mental note to pick myself up a concealable knife or baton if I managed to live through this, I bolted for the fire escape. 

Time to use the Joestar’s secret technique then!

Also yeah some hand to hand weaponry could be useful for the future. Probably not with this warp-demon, but with regular joes, so that we can be less squishy wizard in our approach

“Muh… Motherfucker!”  Lung screamed.  With my back turned, there was no way to see it, but the roof was briefly illuminated before the wave of flame hit me from behind.  Knocked off balance, I skidded on the gravel and hit the raised lip of the roof, just by the fire escape. Frantically, I patted myself down.  My costume wasn’t on fire, but my hair – I hurriedly ran my hands over it to make sure it hadn’t been ignited.

Oh fuck!

Yeah the fact that the costume is not yet fully complete came back to bite you it seems. Let’s hope we don’t end up with too severe burns in our first night out, christ.

Small mercies, I thought, that there was no tar used on the roof.  I could just imagine the flames igniting the rooftop, and just how little I’d be able to do if it happened.

That... would have been unfortunate. 100% fucked instead of the .... 87% we are at right now.

Lung stood, slowly, still covering part of his face with his hand.  He walked with a slight limp as he approached me.  Blindly, he lashed out with a broad wave of flame that rolled over half the roof.  I covered my head with my hands and brought my knees to my chest as the hot air and flame rushed over me.  My costume seemed to take the brunt of it, but it was still hot enough I had to bite my lip to stop from making a sound.

The costume seems to be fire resistant! Mostly.

Spider silk is fucking badass.

Lung stopped advancing, slowly turning his head from one side to another.

“Cock.  Sucker,” he growled in his heavily accented voice, his cussing interrupted by his panting for breath, “Move.  Give me something to aim for.”

Actual perfect recreation of trying to hunt a fly at 4 am in the morning when you can’t sleep, and aren’t a white hot metal terror.

I held my breath and stayed as still as possible.  What could I do?  I still had the pepper spray in my hand, but even if I got him again, I was running the risk that he would lash out and bake me alive before I could move.  If I moved first, he would hear me and I would get knocked around by another blast of flame, probably before I could get to my feet. 

Eeeh your options are...

1) Spray him in the face, get blasted

2) Stay quiet.... probably get blasted as well.

3)Try to get away, and get... I’m starting to see a pattern here

Lung moved his hand from his face.  He blinked a few times, then looked around, then blinked a few more times.  It was a matter of seconds before he could see well enough to make me out from the shadows.  Wasn’t pepper spray supposed to put someone down for thirty minutes?  How was this monster not an A-Lister?

Well ain’t that a fucking horrible thing to think about.

Either:

1) He’s way stronger than he should be and he’s basically content with being small-time thug, even with the potential he has in the larger world stage

or...

2) He’s a big fish in a small pond and the people out there make him look silly by comparison which is.... holy shit.

He suddenly moved, flames wreathing his hands, and I screwed my eyes shut.

At least he’s not saying feel the heat over and over

And also how the fuck will you get out of this one

When I heard the crackling whoosh of the flame and wasn’t burned alive, I opened my eyes again.  Lung was firing streams of flame, aiming for the edge of the roof of the adjacent building, a three story apartment.  I looked to see what he was aiming at, but couldn’t make anything out in the gloom or in the brief second of light Lung’s flames afforded.

!!!!!

Reinforcements!! Someone has come to help!! Or at least to fight AGAINST Lung!!

Yes!

With no warning, a massive shape landed atop Lung with an impact I could swear people heard at the other end of the street.  The size of a van, the ‘massive object’ was animal rather than vehicle, resembling a cross between a lizard and a tiger, with tangles of muscle and bone where it ought to have skin, scales or fur.  Lung was now on his knees, holding one of the beast’s sizable claws away from his face with his own clawed hand.

OH FUCK

A GIANT FUCKING METAL-LOOKING BONEY FERAL BEAST JUST FELL FROM NOWHERE AND IS FIGHTING AGAINST THE INFERNAL DRAGON MAN

Lung used his free hand to strike the creature across the snout.  Even though he was smaller than the beast, the impact made it rear back.  It took a few short steps back in reaction, and then rhino-charged him off the edge of the roof.  They hit the street with an audible crash.

AND THE TWO BERSERKERS ARE HURLING THEMSELVES OFF OF THE BUILDING TO THE STREET BELOW

This is glorious.

I stood, aware I was shaking like a leaf.  I was so unsteady on my feet, from the mixed relief and fear, that I almost fell over again as two more impacts shook the roof.  Two more creatures, similar to the first in texture, but slightly different in size and shape, had arrived on the rooftop.  These two each had a pair of riders.  I watched as the people slid off the backs of the animals.  There were two girls, a guy, and a fourth I identified as male only because of the height.  The tall one approached me, while the others hurried to the edge of the roof to watch Lung and the creature duke it out.

THEY WERE JUST THE RIDES FOR THESE PEOPLE

What a fucking entrance

“You really saved us a lot of trouble,” he told me.  His voice was deep, masculine, but muffled by the helmet he wore.  He was dressed entirely in black, a costume I realized was basically motorcycle leathers and a motorcycle helmet.  The only thing that made me think it was a costume was the visor of his helmet.  The full-face visor was sculpted to look like a stylized skull, and was as black as the rest of his costume, with only the faint highlights of reflected light on the surface to give a sense of what it was.  It was one of those costumes that people put together out of what they can scrounge up, and it wasn’t half bad if you didn’t look too close.  He reached out a hand towards me, and I leaned away, wary.

Damn he looks cool. He’s giving me ghost rider vibes in his outfit, but without the flaming skull part. Just badass biker energy

I didn’t know what to say, so I stuck to my policy of not saying anything that could get me into a worse situation.

At least you are not on fire, even though mr black leather and his zombie behemoths aren’t really giving me heroic vibes

Withdrawing his hand, the man in black jerked his thumb over one shoulder, “When we got word Lung was aiming to come after us tonight, we were pretty freaked.  We were arguing strategy for the better part of the day.  We eventually decided, fuck it, we’d meet him halfway.  Wing it.  Not my usual way of doing things, but yeah.”

Oh! ooooohhhh.

So the “Killing kids” part wasn’t actually murdering random civilians for the evulz

It was probably a territorial dispute! Cause these are totally villains or anti-heroes/vigilantes. Either/or

Behind him, one of the girls whistled sharply and pointed down at the street.  The two monsters the group had been riding on bounded across the roof and leaped down to the street to join the fight.

Seems like that one is the trainer.

The guy in black kept talking, “Wouldn’t you know, his flunky Lee is there with a half dozen guys, but Lung and the rest of his gang are nowhere to be found,” he laughed, a surprisingly normal sound for someone wearing a mask with a skull on it.

He doesn’t seem to consider us a threat at least so that’s a relief

So they fought his underling while our girl here, on her lonesome, straight up picked a fight with bossman.

“Lee’s no slouch in a fight, but there’s a reason he’s not leader of the ABB.  He got spooked without his boss there and ran.  I guess you’re responsible for that?”  Skull-mask waited for a response from me.  When I didn’t offer one, he ventured towards the edge of the roof and looked down, then spoke without turning to look at me, “Lung is getting creamed.  The fuck you do to him?”

Oh shit the venoms or the eye-injuries are making a difference in helping the hell-mount win!

“Pepper spray, wasp and bee stings, fire ants and spider bites,” the second of the girls said, answering the question for me.  She was dressed in a skintight outfit that combined black with a pale shade of blue or purple – I couldn’t tell in the dark – and her dark blond hair was long and windblown.  The girl grinned as she added, “He’s not holding up too well.  Gonna feel a helluvalot worse tomorrow.”

She can know all that with just a look??

Information-based powers!! Intuition? Clairvoyance? Omniscience? Those always seem crazy OP to me in terms of offering support!

The man in black suddenly turned to look at me, “Introductions.  That’s Tattletale.  I’m Grue.  The girl with the dogs-” he pointed to the other girl, the one who had whistled and directed the monsters.  She wasn’t in costume unless I counted a plaid skirt, army boots, a torn-up sleeveless T-shirt and a hard plastic, dollar-store rottweiler mask as a costume. “-We call her Bitch, her preference, but in the interests of being P.G., the good guys and media decided to call her Hellhound instead.  Last and certainly least, we have Regent.”

Grue? Huh, I can’t really guess what he could do based on that. Isn’t it like an urban legend or fairytale monster?

Tattletale...so her power IS information based! I also like the simpleness of her costume which I hadn’t mentioned

Bitch (Hellhound think of the children! ) looks really butch and badass from what I can hear. She seems to be the one with the beast power, cue the “Bitch” in her name

Regent...hmmm, something nobility-related?

I finally caught up with what he was saying.  Those monsters were dogs?

Abyssal doggos!!

“Fuck you, Grue,” Regent retorted, with a chuckle and a tone of voice that made it clear he wasn’t really that offended.  He was wearing a white mask, not quite as decorative or made up as the ones I associated with the carnivals in Venice, but similar.  He’d placed a silver coronet around his short black curls, and wore a ruffled white shirt with skintight leggings tucked into knee-high boots.  The outfit was very renaissance faire.  He had a build that made me think more of a dancer than a bodybuilder.

He looks really theatrical. I really like his aesthetics. I still wonder what his power is.

Introductions done, Grue looked at me for several long moments.  After a few seconds, he asked me, “Hey, you okay?  You hurt?”

“The reason she’s not introducing herself isn’t because she’s hurt,” Tattletale told him, as she continued to lean over the edge of the roof and watch whatever was going on at the street level, “It’s because she’s shy.”

Damn omniscients and their lack of privacy!!

Her power is actually scary though. No secrets with her around..

Tattletale turned around and it looked like she was going to say something else, but she stopped, turning her head.  The smile she’d been wearing faded, “Heads up.  We’ve gotta scram.”

Bitch nodded in response and whistled, one short whistle followed by two long ones.  After a brief pause, the building was suddenly rattled by impacts.  In just moments, the three creatures of hers leaped from the alleys to either side of the building and onto the roof.

Grue turned towards me.  I was still standing on the opposite end of the roof, by the fire escape. “Hey, want a ride?”

What?? Oh god is someone else coming as well?? What now?

I looked at the creatures – dogs?  They were bloodied, snarling creatures out of a nightmare.  I shook my head.  He shrugged.

The dogs look like something you would see on doom and it is amazing

“Hey,” Tattletale said to me, seating herself just behind Bitch, “What’s your name?”

I stared at her.  My voice caught in my throat before I was able to get the words out, “I don’t… I haven’t picked one yet.”

“Well, Bug, a cape is gonna show up in less than a minute.  You did us a solid by dealing with Lung, so take my advice.  Someone from the Protectorate shows up, finds two bad guys duking it out, they’re not going to let one walk away.  You should get out of here,”  She said. She flashed me a smile.  She had one of those vulpine grins that turned up at the corners.  Behind her simple black domino style mask, her eyes were glittering with mischief.  If she had red hair, she would have made me think of a fox.  She kind of did, anyways.

It’s true she doesn’t have a name yet! I guess bug would suffice for now.

And yuup they were bad guys, I knew it. Seems they have mistaken Taylor for one!

Well when you take into account the possibly too-grimdark edgy-lite costume and what she fucking did to Lung with her bugs in his eyes.... yeah I could see how they can draw that conclusion

With that, they leaped over my head, one of the three beasts hitting or stepping on the fire escape on the way down, eliciting a screech of metal on metal.

When I realized what had just happened, I could have cried.  It was easy enough to pin down Regent, Tattletale and Bitch as teenagers.  It wasn’t much of an intuitive leap to guess that Grue had been one too. The ‘children’ Lung had mentioned, the ones I had gone to so much effort to save tonight, were bad guys.  Not only that, but they had mistaken me for one, too.

Happy first day out as a hero, Taylor! Well done!

And it still might not be over yet, let’s see what happens with this hero arrival. Let’s hope they don’t reach the same conclusions this time.

But we will see that next time! See you in the next update!

[transmedicalism-saves-lives]

I am pretty sure I was blocked by the OP of this post, so. 

tervenwitch

the brain sex theory is inherently misogynistic and was debunked years ago. Try reading Cordelia Fine for a change instead on blindly clinging to the delusions of misogynists

@tervenwitch You mean the feminist philosopher? Why would I get any information on neurology from her, she’s not a neurologist? Studying the philosophy of science does not equate to studying science itself.

Also, we’re a sexually dimorphic species. Down to a cellular level, our organs are different between males and females. As a transsexual I am extremely aware of the female-ness of my body, it’s in my vocal chords, my fat distribution, and the size and thickness of many body parts. Why is acknowledging that one of the things that’s bigger in males is the brain stem “misogyny”? Brain sex isn’t about how smart you are, or whether you’re naturally emotional, or anything of the sort- it’s just about the physical differences between the physical organs, and there are several of those. I’ve compiled a list of sources for this claim, and if you’d like to read what actual neuroscientists, not philosophers, have to say on the topic of brain sex, feel free to give it a look.  

realwomenarewomen said: @transmedicalism-saves-lives Firstly its not possibly to be “neurologically a woman” because there is literally no such thing as a “female brain”. Brains are not gendered. The only human organs that are gender are sexual reproductive organs. The idea of “lady and gentlemen brains” is antiquated Neurosexism akin to eugenics or phrenology. So just stop that nonsense.

I can’t tag her, unfortunately, so apologies for that. I’m not sure you understand that, as stated above, we are a sexually dimorphic species. Voices, for example, aren’t at all related to the reproductive system and yet, in males, vocal chords are thicker than in females. Most organs have a differentiation between sexes. Now, maybe when you think “brain” you think “intellect,” but that’s only a small part of what brains do, how they function. The brain is a physical organ, and there are many small differences between male and female brains. It’s been shown, in transsexuals, that our brains are the same as those of the opposite sex. Here’s my list of vetted sources again. 

realwomenarewomen said: @transmedicalism-saves-lives Women’s historic and continued subordination has not arisen because some members of our species choose to identify with an inferior social role (and it would be an act of egregious victim-blaming to suggest that it has). It has emerged as a means by which males can dominate that half of the species that is capable of gestating children, and exploit their sexual and reproductive labour. This is why Title IX protections exist.

No, it’s got a lot to do with the fact that testosterone makes you a lot more physically strong and in less advanced societies that matters quite a bit. However, in the current first world countries, women are absolutely not oppressed. Women graduate every level of education at higher rates than men, are imprisoned far less frequently for the same crimes, are more likely to be hired, and have every legal right that a man has, plus a few that men don’t have, such as the right to refuse genital mutilation, and human rights that are not contingent on signing up for the selective service. As a matter of fact, most Title IX violations this year have been all-female groups that don’t allow men in. Ohio State was sued this year for discriminating against men, and Title IX was the reason. 

realwomenarewomen said: @transmedicalism-saves-lives The term “terf” is a manipulation intended to reframe feminist ideas and activism as “exclusionary”, rather than foundational to the woman’s liberation movement. In other words it as an attack on women centered political organizing and the basic theory that underpins feminist analysis of patriarchy.

What “feminist ideas,” exactly? Because first off, y’all never actually proved patriarchy theory, so if we’re going after antiquated theories here... 

But I digress. What exactly would you call yourself? You have an entire blog dedicated to the exclusion of a small minority of people. You seem obsessed with trans people, and our exclusion from your group (well, at least, trans womens, I’m not sure your thoughts on me, but it’d be a bit funny if it was only the straight guy you found to be acceptable, all things considered). Why do you put so much time and effort into excluding trans women, and then get upset when people point that out? It’s ridiculous to me. 

realwomenarewomen said: @transmedicalism-saves-lives ‘Cis’ is a term that has been hijacked from the field of chemistry. It basically refers to isomers of the same molecule on the same side of a plane. This term was never meant to be used to erase the differences between biological women and biological men who want to be biological women, whether from a dysphoria or anything else.

No, it hasn’t been hijacked. It’s a prefix. It’s Latin for “this side of,” and the opposite of the prefix “trans,” which means “across” in Latin. “Transsexual” means “crossing sexes,” whereas “cissexual” means “remaining on the same side of sex.” It’s not altogether that deep. 

Also, believe me, we’re aware of the differences. We wouldn’t go through all the trouble of getting surgery and taking hormones for the rest of our lives if we weren’t very much aware of the differences. However, those differences can be altered to a pretty dramatic effect, and ignoring that seems dishonest at best. I highly doubt you’d look at me, for example, and think “woman,” and I haven’t lived socially as a woman for years. There’s also the fact that my brain is physically male, but we’ve already covered that... 

realwomenarewomen said: @transmedicalism-saves-lives No one – women, men, children, or transgendered persons – should be subjected to any form of exploitation or targeted for discrimination. Transsexual and transgendered persons are entitled to the same human and civil rights as others.

Thanks, I agree. Everyone should have human and civil rights, no matter what, and I believe everyone should be as kind as possible to everyone else. That includes you. 

realwomenarewomen said: @transmedicalism-saves-lives Recognizing these rights, however, does not mean that we must accept that hormones and surgery transform men into women and women into men; or that persons who self-identify as members of the opposite sex are what they subjectively claim to be. So stop suicide baiting.

Where did I suicide bait? I’m sorry if that seemed to be apparent in anything I said, but I’m very much against any kind of suicide or self-harm. If you’re feeling suicidal, I’d recommend calling a mental health hotline: 1-800-273-8255 is the number for the American National Suicide Hotline. 

That said, HRT and surgery aren’t completely perfect, but they can get us pretty far- by the end of transition, I’ll be closer to biologically male than biologically female, for example. Not entirely biologically male- I’m still going to have a lot of sexual difficulties, and to have biological children will require an invasive surgery involving bone marrow- but closer. 

realwomenarewomen said: @transmedicalism-saves-lives “Cis” implies that women—lesbians, call center workers, single mothers—have an inherent privilege over trans people. Again, let’s not forget that trans is an umbrella term. A gender non conforming male is not more ‘oppressed’ than a lesbian. The cis/trans dichotomy obscures that and allows men to shout ‘oppressor’ at women. Sex change is impossible and unnecessary. Stop using trans activism to perpetuate your misogynistic internalized homophobia.

I don’t believe any group has an inherent privilege over any other group. Being a member of certain groups might change your probabilities of experiencing specific forms of oppression, but no group is entirely full of oppressed people, and no group has no oppressed members- except, perhaps, the billionaire class. When it comes down to it, privilege is based in money, and there are people of every race, sex, sexuality, and religion living in poverty, and people of every race, sex, sexuality, and religion in the ruling class too. The percentages, however, are a bit different.

So no, being trans doesn’t make someone oppressed, and being cis doesn’t make someone not oppressed. However, being trans does increase chances of oppression, particularly being a trans woman, as they’ve almost all been forced into sex work up until the late eighties to early nineties, which is closely associated with poverty and low quality of life in countries where it’s not regulated legally, such as America. 

And for the record- transsexual is not an “umbrella term.” Don’t lump us in with drag queens or GNC people in general. Trans means someone suffering from gender dysphoria, nothing else. 

Sex change is not impossible, and it’s absolutely necessary for trans people to have any quality of life at all. We have a serious neurological disease. We cannot physically change our brains yet. I’d love to be able to be a normal female woman, that would be a great thing for me, it’d be a lot easier than this, and to be honest, I made a damn pretty girl, life is very easy for pretty girls. Unfortunately, my chest tissue makes me so dysphoric that I’ve taken a knife to it multiple times, can’t concentrate if I don’t bind, and as for my genitalia, well, let’s just say that I really wish that was in a better order because being a teenager with a sex drive and dysphoria is extremely, unendingly frustrating. 

As for internalized homophobia on my part- I genuinely thought I was bisexual until I started taking HRT. I didn’t even know I only liked women before. Maybe I didn’t. Who knows? But yeah, if you actually believe I’m a lesbian, or that I’ll be a lesbian next year... well. Have fun with that. 

Have a nice day!

[xp-egg]

paranoia/mental illness/disturbing tw.. related to the post i made on my main blog

So im about to drive up to see my mama for hanukkah, alone as i do each yr. redacted THING happened a few summers ago but essentially bc of it she believes ppl from [Japanese automobile corporation] tried to m*rder her on the job nd now cant keep a job or a place to live so she lives w my baba . i havent talked to her in a year for reasons i will explain ...so we r texting abt my travel plan, cooking plan, talking for the first time all yr besides birthday wishes n stuff, shes talking normally, we say our goodbyes/cantwaittoseeyous. bht 12ish hours later she sends me, un-explained with no preface, a cryptic list of what i slowly figure out are license plate numbers out of nowhere n says ppl are trying to run her over n cackling (this is not new.. just i havent had to deal w it all year and i was hoping she could let it go for just a few days....), i ask if she has gotten to a safe place and ofc she says shit like 'well unfortunately natasha i will never be safe. they follow me at all moments and one day you will read abt ur mother having been killed, etc etc.' like omg i just cant talk to u. At all. Anymore. can i not have one day.. without this... please g*d... she cant be around ANYONE bc she thinks they are all working w [car company] conspiring to m*rder, slander, whatever her.. shes lost 12 jobs in the past 4 years. everytime we go out in public she screams at people for even glancing at her/smiling at her and claims they were [doing some weird threatening thing they certainly werent ? .. like sometimes ppl with certain names or wearing A CERTAIN COLOR is enough to be a SIGN and she loses it and starts telling them loudly to fuck off and stop looking at her.... my non-hallucinating brain as a witness] and im mildly concerned someone WILL kill her in retaliation for her being insane in their face.. (she had some guy start yelling back at her and she recorded it as 'proof'. He was clearly very annoyed at her saying terrible accusations at him when he was trying to mind his fucking business.....it was indescribably scary but like can i blame him? she was being highly inappropriate publically.. SHE was prob scaring HIM. she scares me lmao) like she has been so mild mannered and rational her whole life.. she has a degree in chemistry and a literal genius IQ. its like watching a loving animal slowly go violently rabid. It Sucks

last year she finally accused ME of also being paid off/threatened by [company] to conspire against her JUST bc i went to visit her older brothers family (my aunt n cousins who are the family members ive been closest to our whole lives aside from my mother nd baba) w my bf at the time bc i wanted him to meet my non-insane family members..... JUST FOR VISITING MY OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS BC THEY ARE EXPECTING ME TO VISIT N THEY LOVE ME ? Like they love my mom too but multiple years of being accused of being bought off, or [company] threatening to m*rder my cousins (she always says the most brutal and disturbingly specific details too) if they didnt do whatever thing would intimidate my mom, [in this case purchasing the most affordable reliable new family car they could from [company] ..it WAS right after she told them about her initial event but likethey needed a new car and her claims are literally delusional. i rly dont want to disown my other family for that but its a hard decision.. terrible situation], but being accused to conspire to m*rder her gets tiring so they gave up a while ago. when she accused ME even tho i have been the literal last person to stand by her for the past 4.5 years.. i never made her feel like her claims were impossible even when literally everyone else did bc i figured she needed a buoy.. i said fuck it i can't talk to you anymore. i will start going insane too . we have all tried to comfortingly reason w her (well i didnt for a while, i just wholly accepted her story without trying to reason with her INSANE JUMPS IN CORRELATION.. fully bizarre and delusional.. bc i wanted to support her), i spent so much more money getting a less reliable car just to avoid buying from [company], supported her contacting the authorities (obviously they can't help bc she is making insane claims), make her feel as safe n protected.. did as much as we possibly could but like... theres a limit. this is year 4.5 of this, every day, every hour. EVERY year she says well the dirt on [company] will get out this year.. youll see.. ill be validated (essentially). she went to inpatient treatment and she said they accused her of having barbituates in her system when she arrived (what) nd the only diagnosis they gave her was 'rule out paranoid delusion' (bro come on... she thinks EVERYONE is trying to k*ll her.. help) so she wont get any more help. i want to at least try and save my baba bc she is old and puts up w this every single day. but on top of having my own problems, by saving my baba id be damning my mother, or myself. i never know what to do....

but well anyways i love driving hours into a fucking hornets nest each year. at least there are latkes ig

[thesffcorner]

You

You is a thriller written by Caroline Kepnes. It follows Joe Goldberg, a man who works at a bookstore, and becomes obsessed with You, or rather Guinevere Beck, a young writing MFA. He starts stalking her in order to prepare himself for their perfect life as a couple, but of course, things don’t go as planned. I labored over my rating for this novel a lot. On the one hand, this book was very well written; Joe was a convincing unreliable narrator and the thriller aspects, though not very prominent did keep me engaged enough to finish it. However, I have to be honest; reading this book was not fun. At 420 pages it’s just too long, and very long stretches are spent with no progress on the plot, and being trapped in Joe’s head was honestly exhausting. So let’s start with the good and then we can talk about the bad. Like I said, the writing of this book was excellent. It’s written in a mix between first and second person, as Joe switches between narrating his life, and talking specifically to you, the reader. I imagine this was done to make the readers more easily involved with the story, because the prospect of this man stalking and being obsessed with you, is way more creepy than just him stalking a random person. However, this didn’t really work for me, because other than living in New York, I have nothing in common with Beck. In fact, Beck was one of the issues I had in this book, because the way she acts and the things she does were so wildly out of the ordinary, that I don’t see how anyone can relate to her. The good thing about being stuck in Joe’s head, is that, at least at first he is very likable. He is cynical, sarcastic and charming; there were many moments where he shit-talks mass media, the publishing industry, consumerism, high ed, etc, that I was genuinely shocked at how relatable I found him. Because I was in his head, I implicitly went along and rooted for what he was doing, because that’s what you’re supposed to do with a protagonist, which I am happy to say achieved exactly the intended effect. Joe is so good at both lying to the readers and himself that what he does is for Beck’s own good, that she really is obsessed with him, that he’s being reasonable, and combined with his sense of humor and good planning, makes the audience side with him, when in fact, he is clearly the villain. I found myself questioning if the characters I hated because Joe hated them were really that bad, or was his unreliable narration what made me dislike them. This was the strongest part of the novel for me, but like I said, it also became exhausting. Obsession is overwhelming, and after the 200th page of Joe incessantly talking about Beck, I was done. Being in his head was at times fun, but for the most part it was unbearable. Especially towards the end, when he really goes off, I found his delusions so annoying, because they were clearly not matching up with what was happening, and I just wanted the book to end. I had long stopped rooting for him at that point. Another thing I liked about the book, was New York. There aren’t many books that I feel capture the duality of New York well, and this one did very well. It’s a city of extremes; extreme wealth and extreme poverty, many opportunities and even more people fighting with you over said opportunities. Since Joe is a native from Bed-Stuy I found this quite entertaining, and I liked that there was a theme of class throughout the book. Joe being incredibly smart and well read for someone who is lower class and never went to college, and thus coming into conflict with Beck, her friends and her lifestyle was very entertaining; again I found myself relating to a lot of Joe’s anxieties, as someone who came from a very different background than most of the students at the private college I went to. Speaking of college, the other thing that definitely didn't help with my enjoyment of this book, were the characters. I don’t necessarily need the characters to be likable, but if they are not, then I at least want them to be interesting. Unfortunately I found most of the characters rather annoying or bland. Chana and Linn were not in the book enough for me to like them, and I probably hated Peach even more than Joe did. Nicky was entertaining in how horrible he was at his job, and I wanted Benji to drown in the club soda he was selling. Which leads me to Beck and Joe. Beck is Joe’s object of fixation, and as such it’s difficult to tell how much of what we know about her personality is real and how much is Joe’s imagination. If we take their dialogue and her actions as truthful, then Beck was probably as bad of a person as Joe, in terms of being vain, self-absorbed and selfish. In some ways I did like this a lot, because it made her a more human character than just a pure innocent woman who gets stalked by a man, and likewise, just because she was self-absorbed or had issues, doesn’t mean that she deserves to have a man stalk and obsess over her (and many other things, but spoilers). However, her life was so much of a drama-fest cliche that I was wondering if I accidentally sat on the remote and turned on Lifetime channel. She has daddy issues, an exhibitionist and narcissistic streak, every man she meets falls in love with her, and she’s constantly in some sort of trouble. This isn’t to say that I don’t know real life people with lives that are that dramatic, but for fuck’s sake, Joe saves her from falling on the subway tracks after she drops her phone. Really?? Joe we already covered, but I do want to point out, that he absolutely didn’t need to do any of this to get Beck. They had chemistry, they had banter and they clearly were physically attracted to each other. He could have just simply asked her out, and he would’ve probably gotten the same result. Obviously, Joe is a horrible human, and he does some truly heinous things in this book, but I think because I was so done with Beck and her BS and all the other characters, I didn’t care when bodies started piling up. I need to stress that I am in no way justifying his actions in this novel, just that because of the characters, I didn’t find the horrible things he did as impactful, since I didn’t care what happened to them.  Overall, if the premise sounds intriguing and you like thrillers, maybe check this out. If you are like me, and any of the things I mentioned bothered you, then skip this one. Maybe watch the show instead; I hear it’s pretty good.

goodreads

[togayornottogay]

A Transformative Year

While 2020 has been a year of challenges for the United States and the world in general, I look back at this past year with a full heart and endless gratitude. It has been a year since my life changed significantly.

2019 was a year of challenges, a year of awakening, and a year of empowerment in the end. I was diagnosed as having Bi-Polar II Disorder, Anxiety, and was struggling with major mental health issues.  Many things were going on in my life that I was in one of the lowest and darkest times. Then, On October 27th, 2019, my 37-year-old sister passed away. A sharp blow to my heart, opening my eyes to my life’s inequity and loss of destiny. This event was the beginning of a massive change in my life.  

After spending almost two weeks in Delaware, experiencing what was going on at home, I decided that I needed to make a change. For six and a half years, I lost who I was—participating in events that I usually abhorred, going against all of my beliefs, and believing that love was the reason for doing so. I was in a relationship with a Narcissist. Control, Manipulation, Lying, Cheating, Mental and Physical abuse were all endured with the thought that love could overcome it all. I became a shell of myself, void of interests, void of passion, and void of the will to continue. Three different occasions found me writing goodbye letters to the family and friends that I would leave behind. But I kept fighting and rebuilt bridges with my family.

The weekend of my birthday, I was asked to give my other sister a ride to a procedure and spend the weekend. I was more than happy to help and packed a bag.  And so begins a new chapter. By the time the weekend was over, I knew I did not want to go back, and then when I decided to get my things, all hell broke loose, and I was able to get about 10% of my belongings; I got most of my clothing, important documents, pictures, and my two dogs. A few weeks later, my sister met up with him to pick up more things that he packed, useless things, things that did not have meaning or were needed, but there was supposed to be more. At that point, I decided I was happy with what I got; I didn’t need anything else. I was ready to start over. And the end to 6.5 years of uncertainty, of delusion, false friendships, and empty promises were over.

I had to start from rock bottom. I had no job, no vehicle, no confidence, but my will to succeed grew stronger and stronger. It also teaches you who the people that are true friends are. Narcissists have a talent for manipulation, forcing the belief that you are the bad guy onto others-that you were the one doing the evil and horrible things. But those that matter are the ones that stick by your side and help build you up. And building up, I certainly did; it took me a little, but I found a job. With the help of family rides and borrowing vehicles, I was able to make it there and begin building a new life. A few months passed, and I saved enough money to get a car, and then rebuild my credit a bit, and slowly rebuild my confidence. I started not only to find myself but recognize the person I saw in the mirror. I saw the potential that I had forfeited

With my new found confidence, I started to check off goals I was making for myself; I began to enjoy cooking, reading, and finding joy in things that I grew numb to in the past. I began to branch out of my comfort zone and push the limits of my anxiety. I had a rebound relationship, but it showed me that I was not only worthy of being cared for; but that I had a voice and did not need to settle for less than what I deserved in a relationship. I would not be the only one to sacrifice to make an effort, and I voiced my opinion and concerns as they arose. And finally, I found someone that the conversation, the chemistry, and everything developed entirely organic. Communication flows, the conversation never gets dull, and each day finds new and exciting aspects of one another.

The change and growth do not end here, Promotion, Getting my place, meeting the family, and finally living together. This year has seen me at my lowest and highest that I have been in years. I found myself; I found happiness. In one year, I have turned my life around completely.

There are many new adventures, many new chapters to write, and a story that my man and I are writing together.

So while 2020 was undoubtedly a trying and challenging year, it was a year of transformation. A year of discovery. A year of new paths, new friends, new vision, and refocus of priorities. 2021 is upon us. And as this next year will be a new experience for everyone, I want it to be a continuing transformative experience in my life.

To Gay or Not to Gay has been an outlet to me in the past, a passion that I failed to keep up with. In 2021 I am going to be posting one blog a week. With topics relating to that week in LGBT history, specific days, or different themes. Additionally, I will be committing myself to continue to find my passion for writing, and as other topics arise, I will push to get things out.

I want to end this post with a quote I wrote for a friend a few years ago.

“Regardless of how you feel right now, you are a beautiful, talented, and capable person who can achieve anything you set your mind to!”

– Joey ToGayOrNotToGay.

[nithyanandaparamashivam]

2020年7月20日尼希亞南南達共修講座要點（英語）

圣尊尼希亚南达 帕冉玛希瓦上师在凯拉萨庭院会议之掠览 Glimpses from Nithya Satsang with HDH Nithyananda Paramashivam 2020年7月20日 - 星期一印度标准时间晚上07:49 IST - 尼希亚南达共修讲座要点（英语） 20 JULY 2020 - 07:49 PM, MONDAY (IST), NITHYANANDA SATSANG - ENGLISH GIST 帕冉玛希瓦直接来自凯拉萨的信息： *PARAMASHIVA’S MESSAGE DIRECTLY FROM KAILASA: 大瓦解PRALAYA（梵文词汇：消融，瓦解)的化学原理现在正在发生中： *CHEMISTRY OF THIS PRALAYA HAPPENING RIGHT NOW: 当我用”大瓦解PRALAYA的化学原理”这个词时，在大瓦解PRALAYA开始在宇宙中发生的化学原理是什么开始吧，它在我们所有人身上显化的化学原理是什么，是什么炼金程序能使从这个大瓦解 PRALAYA，洪水，流行病，流行疲惫症以及流行病的所有后果中拯救出来。 *WHEN I USE THE WORD “CHEMISTRY OF THIS PRALAYA”, WHAT IS THE CHEMISTRY HAPPENING IN THE COSMOS FOR THIS PRALAYA TO START, GET INITIATED AND WHAT IS THE CHEMISTRY IT IS MANIFESTING IN ALL OF US AND WHAT IS THE ALCHEMY PROCESS TO SAVE OURSELVES FROM THIS PRALAYA, DELUGE, PANDEMIC, PANDEMIC FATIGUE AND ALL AFTER EFFECTS OF THIS PANDEMIC. 了解了大瓦解PRALAYA的化学原理，你就能保护自己免受大瓦解PRALAYA的伤害。 *KNOWING THE CHEMISTRY OF THIS PRALAYA, YOU CAN PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THIS PRALAYA. 昨天我解释了这种洪水 - 大瓦解PRALAYA - 是一种幻象。通常幻象对你的系统是化学原理。 *YESTERDAY I WAS EXPLAINING THIS DELUGE - PRALAYA - IS DELUSION. WHAT USUALLY DELUSION DOES TO YOUR SYSTEM IS THE CHEMISTRY. 这种幻象对你的内在化学原理有什么影响？这种幻象对你的化学原理有什么影响？它会导致不间断的自杀式傲慢；生活消极的极端情绪波动。 *WHAT IS THE IMPACT ON YOUR INNER CHEMISTRY OF THIS DELUSION? HOW THIS DELUSION IMPACTS YOUR INNER CHEMISTRY? IT CAUSES DIS-CONTINUOUS SUICIDAL ARROGANCE, LIFE-NEGATIVE EXTREME MOOD SWINGS. *感应寂定三摩地的第一影响将是极度的狂喜，绝对的喜悦和充满甘露的头脑！幻象的第一影响将是极端的情绪波动，甚至感觉与你生命存在的目的脱节。这就是为什么我坚持到12月14日，带来更多更多的爱，喜悦，圆满和放开(UNCLUTCHING). *THE FIRST IMPACT OF BHAVA SAMADHI WILL BE EXTREME ECSTASY, ABSOLUTE JOY, AND BRAIN FILLED WITH NECTAR! THE DELUSION’S FIRST IMPACT WILL BE EXTREME MOOD SWINGS AND FEELING DISCONNECTED EVEN WITH THE PURPOSE OF EXISTENCE OF YOUR LIFE. THAT IS WHY I AM INSISTING THAT TILL DECEMBER 14TH, BRING MORE AND MORE LOVE, JOY, COMPLETION, UNCLUTCHING. *认真的看待我说的话. 我说的每一句��都是真心实意的。 *TAKE MYWORDS VERY SERIOUSLY. EVERY WORD I AM UTTERING IS REALLY REALLY REALLY UTTERED WITH EXTREME SINCERITY. *放开(UNCLUTCHING)，圆满法，睡眠不要超过六个小时，所有这些对你来说都很重要，至少在12月14日前不能放松。 *UNCLUTCHING, COMPLETION NOT SLEEPING MORE THAN 6 HOURS, ALL THESE ARE TOO IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KEEP YOURSELF TOGETHER AT LEAST TILL DECEMBER 14TH. *内在和外在的极端暴力，谋杀，自杀式傲慢将因这个大瓦解PRALAYA而普遍流行。 *EXTREME VIOLENCE INSIDE AND OUTSIDE, MURDEROUS, SUICIDAL TENDENCY WILL BE THE NORMAL FLOW DUE TO THIS PRALAYA. *通常容易情绪波动的人，请把你的刀和化学毒品，所有的东西都离得远远的，像我们所说的那样：不要让你的孩子接触这种东西！我是认真的！ *PEOPLE WHO USUALLY ACT DURING THE MOOD SWINGS, KEEP YOUR KNIFE, POISONOUS CHEMICALS, EVERYTHING AWAY FROM YOUR REACH LIKE HOW WE SAY: KEEP ALL THIS AWAY FROM CHILDREN’S REACH! I MEAN IT! *我说的每一句话都是经过深思熟虑的，是带着责任感说出来的。包括我如何坐，如何表现我自己，都是非常有意识的完成的。 *EVERY WORD I AM UTTERING IS CAREFULLY THOUGHT THROUGH AND UTTERED WITH RESPONSIBILITY. EVEN HOW I SIT AND HOW I PRESENT MYSELF IS VERY CONSCIOUSLY DONE. *长发、圣灰、金刚菩提子-所有这些都代表了我对行为准则部分——生活方式的一致性-。 *JATA, BHASMA, RUDRAKSHA - ALL THESE REPRESENT MY INTEGRITY TO CHARYA PADA - LIFESTYLE. *我一直戴着的个人专属灵迦，我每天都要做尼希亚礼拜，代表着我对帕冉玛希瓦说的灵修部分KRIYA PADA的一致性。 *THE ATMALINGA I AM ALWAYS WEARING WHICH I DO NITHYA PUJA TO EVERYDAY REPRESENTS MY INTEGRITY TO KRIYA PADA OF PARAMASHIVA’S WORDS. *我曾经告诉每个人：即使你错过了食物，也不要错过礼拜。即使在我的在游历时，有时如果我不能带着我的神像，就像有时我会想我会去附近的村庄，并在晚上回来，但我会被卡住，因为一些自然灾害不能回来，即使在那些日子，我会保留一滴水JALA LINGA或拿着金刚菩提子并供奉。 *I USED TO TELL EVERYONE: EVEN IF YOU MISS FOOD, DON'T MISS PUJA. EVEN DURING MY PARIVRAJAKA YATRA, SOMETIMES IF I WAS NOT ABLE TO CARRY MY DEITY WITH ME, LIKE SOMETIMES I WILL THINK I WILL GO TO THE NEARBY VILLAGE AND COME BACK IN THE EVENING BUT I WILL BE STUCK AND NOT ABLE TO COME BACK DUE TO SOME NATURAL CALAMITY, EVEN DURING THOSE DAYS, I WILL KEEP A DROP OF WATER CALLED JALA LINGA OR KEEP RUDRAKSHA AND OFFER PUJA. *莲花式盘坐和坐直显示了我对帕冉玛希瓦的瑜伽部分的一致性。 *PADMASANA AND SITTING STRAIGHT SHOWS MY INTEGRITY TO YOGA PADA TO PARAMASHIVA. *我正在下载并与大家分享的伟大真理是我对帕冉玛希瓦的真知部分JNANA PADA的一致性的证明。所以我所说的和所做的一切都完全符合帕冉玛希瓦和祂的教义。 *THE GREAT TRUTHS I AM DOWNLOADING AND SHARING WITH YOU ALL IS DEMONSTRATION OF MY INTEGRITY TO PARAMASHIVA’S JNANA PADA. SO EVERYTHING I UTTER OR DO IS ABSOLUTELY IN INTEGRITY WITH PARAMASHIVA AND HIS TEACHINGS. *现在以这种一致性，我和你们分享这个真理由。由于这个大瓦解PRALAYA和洪水，你过去的暴力，业力，一切都将从源头触发。这也是一个好消息，你可以利用这个机会来圆满所有未知的未圆满部分，它们现在将由于这场洪水而烟消云散。 *NOW WITH THAT INTEGRITY, I AM SHARING THIS TRUTH WITH YOU. DUE TO THIS PRALAYA, DELUGE, YOUR PAST VIOLENCE, KARMAS, EVERYTHING WILL BE TRIGGERED FROM THE SOURCE. IT IS ALSO GOOD NEWS THAT YOU CAN USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO COMPLETE ALL UNKNOWN INCOMPLETIONS WHICH WILL NOW BE SMOKED OUT DUE TO THIS DELUGE. *当有一个集体的洪水，大瓦解PRALAYA，即使是你的模式的最深层，不圆满都会渗出。所以，如果你练习全然圆满，非暴力，对所有的不圆满，模式出来，爆发，涌出和渗出，没有反应或回应，如果你去放开 UNCLUTCHING，这场大瓦解、大流行病的时间，会给你超意识的突破，开悟的力量，而且不仅你会穿越它，通过设定一个趋势和模型，你会给别人一个超意识的突破。 *WHEN THERE IS A COLLECTIVE DELUGE, PRALAYA, EVEN THE DEEPEST LAYERS OF YOUR PATTERNS, INCOMPLETIONS WILL ALL OOZE OUT. SO IF YOU PRACTISE ABSOLUTE COMPLETION, NONVIOLENCE AND NO REACTION OR RESPONSE INTERNALLY AND EXTERNALLY FOR ALL THE INCOMPLETION, PATTERNS COMING OUT, ERUPTING, GUSHING AND OOZING OUT, IF YOU GO FOR UNCLUTCHING, THIS PRALAYA, PANDEMIC TIME, WILL GIVE YOU SUPERCONSCIOUS BREAKTHROUGH, ENLIGHTENMENT POWERS AND NOT ONLY YOU WILL SAIL THROUGH THIS, YOU WILL GIVE A SUPERCONSCIOUS BREAKTHROUGH TO OTHERS BY SETTING A TREND, MODEL. *如果说有两个人憎恨尼希南达，那么有200万人因虚假谣言而误解并憎恨尼希南达。这就是我所说的基于幻象的仇恨，一切都会瓦解。 *IF THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE WHO HATE NITHYANANDA, THERE ARE 2 MILLION PEOPLE WHO HATE WHAT THEY FALSELY THINK AS NITHYANANDA DUE TO FALSE PROPAGANDA. THAT IS WHAT I CALLED DELUSION BASED HATRED. ALL THAT WILL MELT DOWN. *通过品牌建设活动推广的名人们，他们所喜爱的并不是他们的素质。基于幻象的爱和基于幻象的仇恨，两者都会瓦解。 *THE CELEBRITIES WHO ARE PROMOTED BY THE BRAND BUILDING EXERCISES ARE LOVED FOR THAT WHICH IS REALLY NOT THEIR QUALITY. DELUSION BASED LOVE AND DELUSION BASED HATRED, BOTH WILL MELT DOWN. *太多你爱的东西，那些你认为是你日常生活的一部分的东西，太多你爱的人，曾经是你日常生活一部分的人，将不再像以前那样存在。会有一些人死亡，一些人会失去你所谓的品质。 *TOO MANY THINGS WHICH YOU LOVED, WHICH YOU THOUGHT AS PART OF YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE, TOO MANY PEOPLE WHOM YOU LOVED, WHO WERE PART OF YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE, WILL NOT BE THERE ANYMORE AS THEY USED TO BE. THERE WILL BE SOME DEATHS, SOME PEOPLE WILL BE LOSING THEIR QUALITIES OF WHAT YOU CALL AS THEM. *虚假观念推动的爱情和错误观念推动的仇恨将在这场洪水中瓦解。对许多人来说，我不是他们生活的一部分，他们会突然发现我是他们生活中的一个重要组成部分来维系他们的关系。 *THE FALSE IDEA-PROPELLED LOVE AND FALSE IDEA-PROPELLED HATRED WILL MELT DOWN IN THIS DELUGE. FOR MANY PEOPLE, FOR WHOM I WAS NOT PART OF THEIR LIFE, WILL SUDDENLY DISCOVER ME AS AN IMPORTANT COMPONENT IN THEIR LIFE TO KEEP THEMSELVES TOGETHER. *很多你认为是你生活一部分的名人会突然失去他们对你生活的影响。 *MANY CELEBRITIES WHOM YOU THOUGHT AS PART OF YOUR LIFE WILL SUDDENLY LOSE THEIR INFLUENCE OVER YOUR LIFE. *这个大瓦解PRALAYA，大流行病，为你们提供了一个机会去经历开悟的炼金术。许多你需要放开的东西将被强行从你身上放开。你不应为此而暴力、愤怒、沮丧。 *THIS PRALAYA, PANDEMIC, PROVIDES OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO GO THROUGH THE ALCHEMY OF ENLIGHTENMENT. MANY THINGS YOU NEED TO UNCLUTCH FROM WILL BE FORCIBLY UNCLUTCHED FROM YOU. YOU SHOULD NOT BE VIOLENT, ANGRY, DEPRESSED ABOUT IT. *每一天，就像你呼吸着空气中的一切，吃着以食物形式提供的东西，消耗着以思想形式存在的生态系统一样，你无法停止它对你的影响。无论你认为自己有多聪明，你都无法阻止负面新闻对你的影响。你唯一能做的就是，你的内心空间可以通过放开Unclutching被净化。 *EVERYDAY, JUST LIKE YOU BREATHE WHAT IS AVAILABLE IN THE FORM OF AIR, EAT WHAT IS AVAILABLE IN THE FORM OF FOOD, CONSUME THE ECOSYSTEM WHAT IS AVAILABLE IN THE FORM OF THOUGHTS, YOU CANNOT STOP ITS INFLUENCE OVER YOU. HOW MUCH EVER YOU THINK YOU ARE INTELLIGENT, YOU CAN'T STOP THE INFLUENCE OF NEGATIVE NEWS OVER YOU. ONLY THING YOU CAN DO IS, YOUR INNER SPACE CAN BE PURIFIED WITH UNCLUTCHING. *你需要通过新闻知道你周围发生了什么。你需要知道规则和规章制度……正在发生什么……你需要做些什么来保护自己免受这种流行病的侵袭，所有这些都需要从外在世界到达你的身边。所以你不能完全脱离自己。因此，当你让新闻传到你身边时，所有与之相关的事情都会触及到你，但你的反应是由你控制的。这不是别人能控制的。没有其他人坐在里面为你着想。 *YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING AROUND YOU THROUGH THE NEWS. YOU NEED TO KNOW THE RULES AND REGULATIONS...WHAT IS HAPPENING...WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THIS PANDEMIC, ALL THESE NEEDS TO REACH YOU FROM THE OUTER WORLD. SO YOU CAN'T COMPLETELY DISCONNECT YOURSELF. SO NATURALLY WHEN YOU ALLOW THE NEWS TO REACH YOU, ALL THE OTHER THINGS ASSOCIATED WITH IT, REACHES YOU BUT YOUR REACTION IS IN YOUR CONTROL. IT IS NOT IN SOMEONE ELSE'S CONTROL. NO ONE ELSE IS SITTING INSIDE AND THINKING FOR YOU. *没有欲望、上瘾的身体价值数十亿美元。一个享受和欢喜禁食的身体，价值万亿美元；我应该说价值数十万亿美元！一个能以莲花式双盘坐着并放开，在内在拥有强大的认知的身体，价值万亿万亿万亿！ *THE BODY WHICH DOES NOT HAVE CRAVINGS, ADDICTIONS, IS BILLION DOLLARS’ WORTH. THE BODY WHICH SALIVATES TO TASTE AND REJOICE FASTING, IS TRILLION DOLLAR WORTH; I SHOULD SAY MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR WORTH! THE BODY WHICH CAN SIT IN PADMASANA AND UNCLUTCH AND HAVE HIGH POWERFUL COGNITIONS INSIDE YOU, IS TRILLIONS TRILLIONS TRILLIONS WORTH! *如果神给我一个选择：以莲花式双盘坐着，放开，有高度的意识，而另一边，万亿美元，我绝对会120%完全，有意识地，选择一个身体，可以莲花式盘坐，放开，并拥有强大的认知，因为那可以显示出比任何万亿美元都要高得多的东西！ *IF GOD GIVES ME THE OPTION: THE BODY THAT SITS IN PADMASANA, UNCLUTCHES, HAVING HIGH CONSCIOUSNESS, AND THE OTHER SIDE, TRILLION DOLLARS, I WILL ABSOLUTELY 120% FULLY, CONSCIOUSLY, CHOOSE THE BODY THAT CAN SIT IN PADMASANA AND UNCLUTCH AND HAVE POWERFUL COGNITION, BECAUSE THAT CAN MANIFEST MUCH MUCH MUCH HIGHER THINGS THAN ANY TRILLION DOLLARS! 同样的道理，较少即刻反应的人的头脑，就像百万富翁的头脑一样，而放开uncluthing的人的头脑就是十亿美元的头脑。在PARAMASHANTA SWARUPA 那种状态下，没有束缚但非常活跃的头脑，从绝对和平的状态中，非常活跃，这是千亿富翁无法想象的。它超越了暴力和非暴力。它知道绝对非暴力，并做正确的事情，就像克里希纳告诉阿诸那：“非暴力是终极的。अहिंापरमोधर्म：AHIMSA PARAMO DHARMAHA。现在杀了所有这些需要被消灭才能让 SRISHTI（创造）在地球上生存的人！这超出了你通常所理解的暴力。这就是宇宙层面的非暴力。 SAME WAY, THE MIND WHICH HAS LESS REACTIONS, IS LIKE MILLIONAIRE’S MIND AND WHICH IS UNCLUTCHED, IS BILLION DOLLAR MIND. THE MIND WHICH IS UNCLUTCHED BUT INTENSELY ACTIVE IN THAT STATE IN PARAMASHANTA SWARUPA AND FROM THAT ABSOLUTE PEACEFUL STATE, INTENSELY ACTIVE, IS BEYOND TRILLIONAIRE’S MIND. IT IS BEYOND VIOLENCE AND NONVIOLENCE. IT KNOWS TO BE ABSOLUTELY NONVIOLENT AND DO WHAT IS RIGHT LIKE KRISHNA TELLING ARJUNA: “NONVIOLENCE IS THE ULTIMATE. अहिंसा परमोधर्म: AHIMSA PARAMO DHARMAHA. NOW KILL ALL THESE PEOPLE WHO NEED TO BE ELIMINATED TO KEEP SRISHTI ON PLANET EARTH ALIVE.” APPARENTLY VIOLENT BUT ABSOLUTELY NONVIOLENT! THAT IS BEYOND ORDINARILY WHAT YOU UNDERSTAND AS VIOLENCE. THAT IS THE COSMIC LEVEL NONVIOLENCE. *奎师那领导摩诃婆罗多战争是绝对的宇宙层面的非暴力；在宇宙的尺度上是无暴力的！因为有太多的武器被堆积起来，太多的人知道太多的武器，太多的人知道婆罗门的科学，太多的人知道太多的BRAHMASTRA（创造者梵天为了维护法和真理而创造的武器。）的科学，所以任何一种武器都落在这个人的手中，他会因为他的假设而做出激烈的反应，他会发疯，陷入大流行性的疲劳状态，这让人们有勇气说：“不管怎样，反正我要走到水沟里去，然后让我把所有人都拉下来……”，这将毁灭整个地球。 *KRISHNA LEADING THE MAHABHARATA WAR IS THE ABSOLUTE COSMIC LEVEL NON VIOLENCE; AHIMSA IN THE SCALE OF THE UNIVERSE! BECAUSE TOO MUCH WEAPONS WERE PILED UP AND TOO MANY HAD KNOWLEDGE OF TOO MUCH WEAPONs, TOO MANY KNEW THE SCIENCE OF BRAHMASTRA, TOO MANY KNEW THE SCIENCE OF TOO MANY ASTRAS, SO ANY ONE WEAPON LEFT IN THE HANDS OF THE GUY WHO CAN DO VIOLENT REACTION DUE TO HIS ASSUMPTIONS, WHO CAN GO CRAZY AND GET INTO PANDEMIC FATIGUE THAT EMBOLDENS PEOPLE TO SAY: “COME WHAT MAY, ANYWAY I AM GOING TO DOWN THE DRAIN, THEN LET ME PULL EVERYONE ALONG WITH ME...”, WILL DESTROY THE WHOLE PLANET EARTH. *当你觉得你生命只有这一世的时候，这些思潮就会出现。当你知道你会再回来的时候，你会离开这个地球星球，幸福而富有，比你进入地球时更丰盛，因为你会回来的！ *THESE THOUGHT CURRENTS COME WHEN YOU FEEL YOU HAVE ONLY ONE LIFE. WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO COME BACK, YOU WILL LEAVE THIS PLANET EARTH HAPPY AND RICH, MORE THAN WHAT IT WAS WHEN YOU ENTERED, BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO COME ! *失去了这种平衡，毁灭了整个地球，就好像没人知道SRISHTI（创造）什么时候会被毁灭。 *LOSING THIS BALANCE AND DESTROYING WHOLE PLANET EARTH, IT IS LIKE NOBODY KNOWS WHEN SRISHTI WILL BE DESTROYED. *太多人知道BRAHMASTRA（创造者梵天为了维护法和真理而创造的武器）的科学。ASHWATTHAMA只能释放BRAHMASTRA，却无法召回BRAHMASTRA…！ *DRONACHARYA, ASHWATTHAMA...TOO MANY PEOPLE KNOW THE SCIENCE OF BRAHMASTRA. ASHWATTHAMA CAN ONLY RELEASE THE BRAHMASTRA, BUT CAN'T RECALL THE BRAHMASTRA…! *心胸狭窄的人开始相信生命只有这一世。伟大的远见卓识者认识到生命多世的真理。相信一世生命是迷信的。许多人由于幻象而知道了生命是轮回的真相，于是开始在一个生活的超级舞台上追随自己的思想。如果你有一个更广阔的生活的愿景，你永远不会做出愚蠢、愚昧的自杀式傲慢、大流行病式的傲慢的化学决定。 *NARROW MINDED PEOPLE START BELIEVING IN ONE LIFE. LARGE BROAD VISIONARIES REALISE TRUTH OF MULTIPLE. BELIEVING IN ONE LIFE IS SUPERSTITIOUS. MANY POEPLE WHO KNOW THE TRUTH OF MULTIPLE LIVES DUE TO DELUSION STARTED FOLLOWIN ONE LIFE SUPERSTITUOS MENTAL SETUP IF YOU HAVE THE VISION OF A LARGR LIFE, YOU WILL NEVER DO SILLY, STUPID SUICIDAL, PANDEMIC ARROGANT CHEMISTRY BASED DECISIONS. 奎师那别无选择，只能在受控条件下销毁所有武器。所以祂收集了KURUKSHETRA所有的武器和所有知道摧毁整个SRISHTI（创造）的人。祂在可控的条件下完成了它。这就是为什么我要说，奎师那纳亲自领导摩诃婆罗多战争，在那里坐了18天，实际上是奎师那在当时被隔离。祂只是坐在那里，燃烧、治疗、释放、清洗，没有用任何武器！祂只是作为一个催化剂，这整个清洗发生。这是最伟大的非暴力AHIMSA。 *KRISHNA HAS NO OTHER WAY BUT TO DESTROY ALL WEAPONS IN CONTROLLED CONDITIONS. SO HE COLLECTED ALL WEAPONS IN KURUKSHETRA AND ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAD THE KNOWLEDGE OF DESTROYING THE WHOLE SRISHTI. HE FINISHED IT OFF IN CONTROLLED CONDITIONS. THAT IS WHY I SAY, KRISHNA LEADING THE MAHABHARATA WAR PERSONALLY, SITTING THERE FOR 18 DAYS WAS ACTUALLY KRISHNA IN QUARANTINE AT THAT TIME. HE WAS JUST THERE, BURNING, HEALING, RELEASING, CLEANING, EVERYTHING WITHOUT TOUCHING ANY WEAPON! HE WAS ONLY AS A CATALYST FOR THIS WHOLE CLEANSING TO HAPPEN. THAT IS THE GREATEST AHIMSA, NONVIOLENCE. *奎师那正在展示祂保护SRISTHI（创造）的责任，作为帕拉达玛毗瑟奴的责任，通过亲自指挥摩诃婆罗，消除所有的破坏性能量，并将战争的所有责任推到自己身上，从而维护世界。 *KRISHNA IS DEMONSTRATING HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO PROTECT THE SRISHTI, RESPONSIBILITY AS PARANDAMA - VISHNU - OF MAINTAINING THE WORLD BY CONDUCTING THE MAHABHARAT PERSONALLY AND ELIMINATING ALL THE DESTRUCTIVE ENERGY AND TAKING ALL THE BLAME ON HIMSELF FOR THE WAR. *那些把摩诃婆罗多战争归咎于奎师那的人是愚蠢的。即使摩诃婆罗多战争晚了一天，SRISHTI （创造）人也会迷失方向；有一个傻瓜会毁灭整个世界。就像兴地语连续剧《DEVON KI DEVON》：“SRISHTI NASHT HO JAYEGASRISHTI NASHT HO JAYEGA！帕冉玛希瓦只会醒过来。通常纳拉达只会去那里说“SRISHTI NASHT HO JAYEGA”……然后玛哈德瓦会睁开眼睛做必要的事情。这是宇宙层面的非暴力。负责任的非暴力！ *STUPID ARE THOSE WHO BLAME KRISHNA FOR MAHABHARATA WAR. EVEN IF IT WAS ONE DAY LATE FOR THE MAHABHARATA WAR TO HAPPEN, THE SRISHTI WOULD HAVE BEEN LOST; SOME ONE FOOL WOULD HAVE DESTROYED THE WHOLE WORLD. LIKE IN HINDI SERIALS LIKE DEVON KI DEV: “SRISTI NASHT HO JAYEGA!” ONLY THEN PARAMASHIVA WILL WAKE UP. USUALLY NARADA ONLY WILL GO THERE AND SAY “SRISHTI NASHT HO JAYE”...THEN MAHADEVA WILL OPEN HIS EYES AND DO THE NEEDFUL. THAT IS COSMIC LEVEL NONVIOLENCE. RESPONSIBLE NONVIOLENCE! *那些把摩诃婆罗多战争归咎于奎师那的人是傻瓜。愚蠢的人甚至认为摩诃婆罗多战争是暴力。他们不知道摩诃婆罗多战争的大局。 *FOOLS ARE THOSE WHO BLAME KRISHNA FOR THE MAHABHARATA WAR. FOOLS ARE THOSE WHO EVEN THINK MAHABHARATA WAR WAS VIOLENCE. THEY ARE THOSE WHO DO NOT KNOW THE LARGER PICTURE OF THE MAHABHARATA WAR. *那些指责奎师那的RASA LEELA（甜蜜的行为）是傻瓜。他们既不懂欲望也不懂非暴力。 *FOOLS ARE THOSE WHO ACCUSE KRISHNA FOR RASA LEELA. NEITHER THEY KNOW LUST NOR NONVIOLENCE. *通过摩诃婆罗多战争，奎师那展现出绝对的非暴力。 *THROUGH THE MAHABHARATA WAR, KRISHNA DEMONSTRATED ABSOLUTE NONVIOLENCE. *通过RASALEELA（奎斯那甜蜜的行为），奎师那全然展示了纯然的婆罗门教！ *THROUGH RASALEELA, KRISHNA ABSOLUTELY DEMONSTRATED ABSOLUTE BRAHMACHARYA! *通过所有的策略，ASHWATTHAMA ATHAAKUNCHANA，通过这一切，奎师那展现了全然的真理。 *THROUGH ALL THE STRATEGIES, ASHWATTHAMA ATHAAKUNCHANA, THROUGH EVERYTHING, KRISHNA DEMONSTRATED ABSOLUTE SATYA *奎师那拥有世界上最好的东西，他展示了全然的APARIGRAHA（不执着、放下或不役于物）。 *HAVING THE BEST THINGS OF THE WORLD AROUND HIM OF THE WORLD, KRISHNA DEMONSTRATED ABSOLUTE APARIGRAHA. *从人类身上拿走东西，他表现出绝对的不偷窃ASTEYA！ *TAKING AWAY THINGS FROM PEOPLE, HE DEMONSTRATED ABSOLUTE ASTEYA! *祂是全然纯洁的顶峰，这是中产阶级心理永远无法把握的。祂是纯洁的化身。 *HE IS THE PEAK OF ABSOLUTE PURITY WHICH CAN NEVER BE GRASPED BY MIDDLE CLASS MENTALITY. HE IS AN INCARNATION OF PURITY. *祂从那么多房子里偷了黄油。没人抱怨。她们去了南达家，但没人抱怨。她们只是来他家再看一眼奎师那。当奎师那再次去他家拿黄油时，他们抓住祂不是为了惩罚祂，而是再一次把祂关在家里！ *HE STOLE THE BUTTER FROM SO MANY HOUSES. NOBODY COMPLAINED. THEY (WOMEN FOLK) WENT TO NANDA’S HOUSE, BUT NOBODY COMPLAINED. THEY JUST CAME TO HIS HOUSE TO GET ONE MORE GLIMPSE OF KRISHNA. WHEN KRISHNA WENT AGAIN TO HIS HOUSE TO TAKE BUTTER, THEY CAUGHT HIM NOT TO PUNISH HIM BUT HOLD HIM ONE MORE TIME IN THEIR HOME! *通过逃避与JARASANDHA的战争，祂展现了自己的才华。如果祂不逃跑，继续与JARASANDHA战斗，那将是大流行性疲劳导致的自杀式傲慢。祂知道谁能杀了JARASANDHA，谁必须杀了JARASANDHA和VIVEKA，祂制定了策略。 *BY RUNNING AWAY FROM WAR WITH JARASANDHA, HE DEMONSTRATED BRILLIANCE. IF HE DID NOT RUN AWAY AND CONTINUED TO FIGHT WITH JARASANDHA, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN PANDEMIC FATIGUE EMBOLDENED SUICIDAL ARROGANCE. HE KNOWS WHO CAN KILL JARASANDHA, WHO HAS TO KILL JARASANDHA AND WITH VIVEKA, HE STRATEGIZED. *那些指责奎师那是因为祂逃离了与JARASANDHA的战争的人是傻瓜。现代的TROLLS（网络上的攻击者）也显现了同样的愚昧，他们认为我逃跑了。 *PEOPLE WHO ACCUSE KRISHNA BECAUSE HE RAN AWAY FROM WAR WITH JARASANDHA ARE FOOLS. THE SAME FOOLISHNESS IS MANIFESTING AS MODERN DAY TROLLS WHO THINK I RAN AWAY. *指责奎师那的RASA LEELA（奎斯那甜蜜的行为）的人都是傻瓜。我总是看到：那些指责奎斯那因为他的RASA LEELA而有女人味的人，很快他们所有的变态故事都出来了！奎师那是绝对的婆罗门。所有指责的人，他们的故事很快就会出来，而且很快就会出来！ *PEOPLE ACCUSING KRISHNA FOR HIS RASA LEELA ARE FOOLS. I HAVE ALWAYS SEEN: PEOPLE WHO ACCUSE KRISHNA OF WOMANISING DUE TO HIS RASALEELA, SOON ALL THEIR STORIES OF ALL THEIR PERVERSIONS COME OUT! KRISHNA IS ABSOLUTE BRAHMACHARI. ALL THOSE WHO ACCUSE, THEIR STORIES WILL COME OUT SOON AND ARE COMING OUT SOON! *指责奎师那或摩诃婆罗多的人都是傻瓜！ *PEOPLE WHO BLAME KRISHNA OR MAHABHARATA ARE FOOLS! *那些指责奎师那杀了SHISHUPALA的人是愚蠢的。SHISHUPALA正在毁灭那些信奉奎师那本该开悟的人的。每一个弟子就都是我所持的一个JNANA（真知） GARBHA（孕巢，胎藏、库藏，亦译虚空孕、虚空库，孕藏无尽虚空之意）。所以，摧毁他们的信奉就像是堕胎。SHISHUPALA做了太多的灵性流产。那是奎师那别无选择的时候。所以宇宙的非暴力行动需要做它的工作。这场大瓦解、大流行是一个伟大的宇宙无暴力的显现。 *PEOPLE WHO ACCUSE KRISHNA FOR KILLING SHISHUPALA FOR VERBALLY INSULTING KRISHNA ARE FOOLS. SISHUPALA WAS DESTROYING KRISHNA BHAKTI OF THOSE WHO WOULD HAVE BEEN ENLIGHTENED. EACH DISCIPLE IS LITERALLY A JNANA GARBHA THAT I AM HOLDING. SO, DESTROYING THEIR BHAKTI IS LIKE AN ABORTION. SISHUPALA WAS DOING TOO MANY SPIRITUAL ABORTIONS. THAT IS WHEN KRISHNA HAD NO OTHER WAY. SO THE COSMIC NONVIOLENCE NEEDS TO DO ITS JOB. THIS PRALAYA,PANDEMIC IS A GREAT COSMIC AHIMSA MANIFESTATION. *与奎师那站在一起的人有福了。 *BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO STAND WITH KRISHNA. *स्वल्पमप्यस्य धर्मस्य त्रायते महतो भयात्OSE WHO STAND WITH SWALPAMAPYASYA DHARMASYA, TRYAAYATE MAHATO BHAYAT -即使在这段时间里练习一点非暴力也会有很多好处。 - EVEN PRACTISING LITTLE BIT OF NONVIOLENCE DURING THIS PRALAYA WILL DO A LOT OF GOOD. *练习非暴力、放开、感觉情感连接、循环默诵无上真言、合一…开始练习这六种，无论你喜欢什么时候都行。练习非暴力。过了一段时间，如果你的思想突然不平静下来，那么你可以做放开。过了一段时间，如果它还没有解决，练习合一，看合一胶囊…有时做循环默诵…做什么有效的。这一切都是一样的，你会进入涅磐三摩地。有时你喜欢咖啡，有时热巧克力，有时茶…像这样你可以享受任何东西！这六个都通向同一个空间！享受吧！ *PRACTICE NONVIOLENCE, UNCLUTCHING, FEELING CONNECTION, AJAPA JAPA OF MAHAVAKYA, ONENESS...START PRACTISING ALL THESE SIX, WHENEVER YOU LIKE WHICHEVER YOU LIKE. PRACTICE NONVIOLENCE. AFTER SOME TIME, IF THE MIND SUDDENLY DOESN'T SETTLE DOWN, THEN YOU CAN DO UNCLUTCHING. AFTER SOME TIME IF IT DOESN'T SEEM TO SETTLE, PRACTICE ONENESS AND WATCH ONENESS CAPSULE...SOMETIMES DO AJAPA JAPA ….DO WHAT WORKS. ALL THIS IS ONE AND THE SAME; YOU WILL FALL INTO NIRVIKALPA SAMADHI. SOMETIMES YOU ENJOY COFFEE, SOMETIMES HOT CHOCOLATE, SOMETIMES TEA...LIKE THIS YOU CAN ENJOY ANYTHING! ALL THESE SIX LEAD TO THE SAME SPACE! ENJOY! *通过亲自指挥和管理摩诃婆罗多战争，奎师那展现了对 SRISHTI（创造者）的绝对极端的承诺，并展示了祂的宇宙非暴力！ *BY PERSONALLY GUIDING AND MANAGING THE MAHABHARAT WAR,  KRISHNA DEMONSTRATED ABSOLUTE EXTREME COMMITMENT TO THE SRISHTI, CREATION AND DEMONSTRATED HIS COSMIC NONVIOLENCE! *医生用刀切除你的肿瘤不是暴力。这是你生命中绝对的非暴力。他为你做了最好的事。同样的，奎师那亲自指挥摩诃婆罗多战争是非暴力和宇宙大爱的最大体现。 *A DOCTOR REMOVING YOUR TUMOUR WITH THE KNIFE IS NOT VIOLENCE. THAT IS THE ABSOLUTE NONVIOLENCE FOR YOUR LIFE. HE DID THE BEST TO YOUR LIFE. SAME WAY, KRISHNA CONDUCTING THE MAHABHARATA WAR PERSONALLY IS THE GREATEST DEMONSTRATION OF NONVIOLENCE AND LOVE COSMICALLY. *克里希纳在摩诃婆罗多战争中表现出的爱比祂在RASA LEELA（奎斯那甜蜜的行为）表现出的爱多一百倍！祂强烈的爱、能量、同情心和光环负责在受控条件下摧毁所有武器和负面知识，保护整个SRISHT（创造者）。就在祂在KURUKSHETRA的呼吸空间里，祂创造了一个房间，所有这些婆罗门和各种毁灭性武器的知识都可以被烧掉。 *KRISHNA MANIFESTED 100 TIMES MORE LOVE DURING THE MAHABHARATA WAR THAN WHEN HE DID RASA LEELA! HIS INTENSE LOVE, ENERGY AND COMPASSION AND AURA WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR DESTROYING ALL WEAPONS AND NEGATIVE KNOWLEDGE IN CONTROLLED CONDITIONS, PROTECTING THE WHOLE SRISHTI. JUST IN HIS BREATHING SPACE IN KURUKSHETRA, HE CREATED A CHAMBER IN WHICH ALL THESE BRAHMASTRAS AND KNOWLEDGE OF VARIOUS DESTRUCTIVE WEAPONS CAN BE BURNT AWAY. *摩诃婆罗多战争是非暴力的 *THE MAHABHARATA WAR IS NONVIOLENCE *RASALEELA （奎斯那甜蜜的行为）就是婆罗门。 *THE RASALEELA IS BRAHMACHARYA. *如果你读摩诃婆罗多，祂让达摩王说出所谓的谎言，那不是谎言。即使事实上，这也不是谎言。祂展示的这个技巧就是宇宙的真理，祂对宇宙真理的承诺。 *IF YOU READ MAHABHARATA, HE MADE DHARMA RAJA UTTER THE SO-CALLED LIE WHICH IS NOT A LIE. EVEN FACTUALLY IT IS NOT A LIE. AND THIS WHOLE TRICK HE DEMONSTRATED IS COSMIC SATYA; HIS COMMITMENT TO THE SATYA OF THE COSMOS. *通过逃离 JARASANDHA 战争，祂展示了绝对的积极生活的勇气。 *BY RUNNING AWAY FROM THE JARASANDHA WAR, HE DEMONSTRATED ABSOLUTE LIFE POSITIVE COURAGE. *自杀就是勇气？这叫大流行病！生命本身就是一场大流行。当你对这种大流行病生活方式感到疲惫时，你就会变得胆大包天，这被称为自杀式的傲慢。就像孩子们参加新冠病毒派对，看看谁受到了影响。这是自杀式的傲慢，不是勇气。 *COMMITTING SUICIDE IS COURAGE? IT IS CALLED PANDEMIC! LIFE ITSELF IS A PANDEMIC. WHEN YOU FEEL FATIGUED WITH THIS LIFE PANDEMIC, YOU GET EMBOLDENED AND IT IS CALLED SUICIDAL ARROGANCE. IT IS LIKE KIDS ATTENDING COVID PARTIES TO SEE WHO IS GETTING AFFECTED. IT IS SUICIDAL ARROGANCE, NOT COURAGE. *与污蔑上师派别交谈和参加新冠病毒19派对是一回事。两者都是自杀式傲慢，而不是勇气。 *TALKING TO THE GURU ABUSING GANG AND ATTENDING COVID 19 PARTIES ARE ONE AND THE SAME. BOTH ARE SUICIDAL ARROGANCE, NOT COURAGE. *这就是为什么我坚持说：“不要和污蔑上师派别交谈，因为这就像一种病毒，他们可以在你不知情的情况下，在你没有能力保护你的情况下，把它植入你体内。” *THAT IS WHY I INSIST ON: “DON'T TALK TO GURU DROHIS AND ABUSERS BECAUSE IT IS LIKE A VIRUS THAT THEY CAN PUT INSIDE YOU WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE, WITHOUT YOUR ABILITY TO SAFEGUARD YOU.” *奎师那从与JARASANDHA的战斗中退出，展示了“远见卓识的勇气”。这就是为什么“牧场”不应该被用来诋毁奎师那的方式。这应该作为祂“有远见的勇气”示范的荣耀。那些嘲笑我为“牧场”的TROLL 以后会明白的。我决定退出是因为我知道会发生什么！ *KRISHNA DEMONSTRATED “VISIONARY COURAGE” BY WITHDRAWING FROM THE BATTLE WITH JARASANDHA. THAT IS WHY “RANCHOD” SHOULD NOT BE USED AS DEFAMING A WAY ON KRISHNA. IT SHOULD BE USED AS THE GLORY OF HIS “VISIONARY COURAGE” DEMONSTRATION. FOOLS WHO TROLL ME AS “RANCHOD” WILL UNDERSTAND LATER ON. I TOOK THIS DECISION OF WITHDRAWAL BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT IS COMING! *我已经说过很多次了，站在路上的人可以看到10辆车从两边开过来——两边100英尺。但是站在25楼的人可以看到两边25公里，有100辆车开过来。我能看到比你更远大的生命，因为我是不受束缚的，我是基于这个做决定的！ *I HAVE TOLD SO MANY TIMES BEFORE, PEOPLE STANDING ON THE ROAD CAN SEE 10 VEHICLES COMING BOTH SIDES - 100 FEET BOTH SIDES. BUT THE PERSON STANDING IN THE 25TH FLOOR CAN SEE 25 KM ON BOTH SIDES AND 100 VEHICLES COMING. I CAN SEE THE LARGER LIFE THAN YOU BECAUSE I AM UNCLUTCHED AND BASED ON THAT I MAKE DECISIONS! *当你没有更大的视野时，你会指责我逃跑。现在要明白：这不是逃避，而是灵性上的自我隔离！ *WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A LARGER VISION, YOU ACCUSE ME OF RUNNING AWAY. NOW UNDERSTAND: IT IS NOT RUNNING AWAY; IT IS SPIRITUAL SELF QUARANTINE! *让这个大瓦解显现并安定下来，那么你就会明白我所说的每一句话，我所做的每一个行动都是为了让自己和你们所有人做好准备，成功地通过这个大瓦解，给后大瓦解世界带来超意识的突破。 *LET THIS PRALAYA MANIFEST AND SETTLE DOWN, THEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND EVERY WORD I UTTERED, EVERY ACTION I DID WAS TO PREPARE MYSELF AND ALL OF YOU TO SUCCESSFULLY SAIL THROUGH THIS PRALAYA AND GIVE SUPERCONSCIOUS BREAKTHROUGH TO THE POST-PRALAYA WORLD *有很多关于奎师那偷窃的故事，甚至在小时候从GOPIKA那儿偷黄油，包括女人。通过这一切，他展示了宇宙的不偷盗ASTEYA。那些指责奎师那是小偷的人都是傻瓜！你永远无法理解奎师那宇宙尺度的行动和反应显现。 *BY STEALING BUTTER FROM GOPIKAS, EVEN AS A KID, SO MANY STORIES ABOUT KRISHNA STEALING IS THERE INCLUDING WOMEN. WITH ALL THIS, HE DEMONSTRATED COSMIC ASTEYA. PEOPLE WHO ACCUSE KRISHNA AS A THIEF ARE FOOLS! YOU CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND THE COSMIC SCALE ACTIONS AND REACTIONS MANIFESTATIONS OF KRISHNA. *聆听奎师那，享受奎师那，庆祝奎师那，敬拜奎师那。别试图用你愚蠢的、歪曲的、不圆满的东西来衡量他。 *LISTEN TO KRISHNA. ENJOY KRISHNA, CELEBRATE KRISHNA. WORSHIP KRISHNA. DONT TRY TO MEASURE HIM WITH YOUR STUPID PERVERTED INCOMPLETIONS. *人们指责克里希纳偷了16000个女人。但这些女人崇拜祂，因为祂把她们从NARAKASURA救出来，并给予她们自己妻子的地位。她们与奎师那没有性关系。他想给她们一个他自己的PATNIS - ARDANGINIS的地位。这是奎师那所做的最伟大的舍TYAGA ！ *PEOPLE ACCUSE KRISHNA FROM STEALING 16,000 WOMEN. BUT THOSE WOMEN WORSHIPPED HIM FOR RESCUING THEM FROM NARAKASURA AND FOR GIVING THEM STATUS OF HIS OWN WIFE. THEY DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP WITH KRISHNA. HE WANTS TO GIVE THEM THE STATUS OF HIS OWN PATNIS - ARDANGINIS. IT IS THE GREATEST TYAGA KRISHNA HAS DONE! *因为祂把她们从NARAKASURA手中解救出来，没有男人愿意娶她们，因为他们认为这些女人是NARAKASURA的奴隶，他们为什么要娶她们。这些妇女没有生命、希望和未来。奎师那宣布她们都是自己的妻子，并给予她们这种地位！你还需要什么比被称为奎师那帕特尼！ *BECAUSE HE RESCUED THEM FROM NARAKASURA, NO MAN WANTS TO MARRY THEM BECAUSE THEY THINK THESE WOMEN ARE KEEPS OF NARAKASURA AND WHY SHOULD THEY MARRY THEM. THOSE WOMEN DID NOT HAVE LIFE, HOPE OR FUTURE. KRISHNA DECLARED ALL OF THEM AS HIS OWN WIVES AND GAVE THEM THAT STATUS! WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED THAN TO BE CALLED AS KRISHNA PATNI! *祂知道全世界都会指责和污蔑祂，这是多么大的牺牲啊！祂不在乎。祂只关心那些向祂臣服的人。那些女人祈祷奎师那来救她们。祂救了她们，给了她们地位。多有个性啊！ *WHAT A SACRIFICE KNOWING THAT THE WHOLE WORLD WILL ACCUSE AND ABUSE HIM! HE DOESN'T CARE. HE CARES ONLY ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO SURRENDERED TO HIM. THOSE WOMEN PRAYED TO KRISHNA TO RESCUE THEM. HE RESCUED THEM AND GAVE THEM THE STATUS. WHAT A PERSONALITY! *APATH PANDAVA ANAADA RAKSHAKA! 只有奎师那才适合这个词！真是太棒了！祂知道：在历史长河中，祂将永远背负着女人癖的恶名，但祂并不在乎。���说，“保护她们并给予她们地位对我来说比地位更重要！“把你的衣食财富当作受戒僧尼来牺牲，比起奎师那的舍，这是太小的舍。像奎师那这样的人格，祂将如何在历史上被载入史册是非常重要的事情，但祂甚至准备牺牲这一点。 ONLY KRISHNA FITS THAT WORD! WHAT A TYAGA! HE KNOWS: FOREVER IN HISTORY, HE IS GOING TO CARRY THE BAD NAME AS A WOMANISER, BUT HE DOESN'T BOTHER. HE SAYS, “PROTECTING THEM AND GIVING THEM STATUS IS MORE IMPORTANT FOR ME THAN STATUS!” SACRIFICING YOUR FOOD WITH CLOTHES AND WEALTH AS A SANYASI, IS TOO SMALL TYAGA THAN THIS TYAGA. A PERSONALITY LIKE KRISHNA, HOW HE IS GOING TO GO DOWN IN HISTORY IS VERY IMPORTANT THING, BUT HE IS READY TO SACRIFICE EVEN THAT. *प्रणमामि मुहुर्मुहुः कृष्णं वन्दे जगत गुरुं PRANAMAMI MUHURMUHUHU. KRISHNAM VANDE JAGAD GURUM. *我一次又一次地向奎师那的泰加鞠躬。我完全可以肯定，这16000个女人中没有一个被用来为奎师那性或愉悦的目的。我有120%的把握。祂解救了NARAKASURA的性奴隶，给了他们奎师那帕提斯 KRISHNA PATNIS的地位！ *I BOW DOWN AGAIN AND AGAIN TO KRISHNA’S TYAGA. I CAN BE ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT NOT ONE OF THOSE 16,000 WOMEN WAS USED FOR THE PURPOSE OF SEX OR PLEASURE FOR KRISHNA. I AM 120% SURE. HE RESCUED THE SEX SLAVES OF NARAKASURA AND GAVE THEM THE STATUS OF KRISHNA PATNIS! *为什么祂需要愉悦？如此非凡的牺牲，包括祂将要载入史册的牺牲。 *WHY HE NEEDS PLEASURE? SUCH EXTRAORDINARY SACRIFICE INCLUDING THE SACRIFICE OF WHO HE IS GOING TO GO DOWN IN HISTORY. *你需要“DIVYA DAKSHU”去见奎师那。只有当你看到更大的我，你才能理解我为什么退出人类。为什么我要自我隔离。 *YOU NEED “DIVYA DAKSHU” TO SEE KRISHNA. ONLY IF YOU SEE THE LARGER ME, YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY I WITHDREW FROM HUMANITY. WHY I SELF QUARANTINED MYSELF. *大瓦解PRALAYA还没有结束。它才刚刚开始。它将于12月14日完全触发，此后，连锁危机将开始。 * IS NOT YET OVER. IT ONLY STARTED. IT WILL BE FULLY TRIGGERED BY DECEMBER 14TH, AND AFTER THAT THE CASCADING CRISIS WILL START. *这场大瓦解，这场洪水的化学反应，会激起极端的消极情绪和自杀式傲慢。唯一的办法就是：不要睡超过6个小时。通过一整天来保持你自己在越来越高的意识中，或者练习放开或者圆满，或者与凯拉萨数码之邦一起工作。当你在凯拉萨数码之邦工作时，你总是不断地吸入了“我”。你在我的呼吸空间里。 *CHEMISTRY OF THS PRALAYA, OF THIS DELUGE, WILL INSTIGATE EXTREME NEGATIVITY AND SUICIDAL ARROGANCE. THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE YOURSELF FROM THIS IS: DON'T SLEEP MORE THAN 6 HOURS. KEEP YOURSELF IN HIGHER AND HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS BY WHOLE DAY EITHER PRACTISING UNCLUTCHING OR COMPLETION OR WORKING WITH KAILASA DIGITAL NATION. WHEN YOU WORK WITH KAILASA DIGITAL NATION, YOU CONSTANTLY INHALE ME. YOU ARE IN MY BREATHING SPACE. *行动是终极的炼金术。 *ACTION IS THE ULTIMATE ALCHEMY. *有意识地决定与帕冉玛希瓦合一，超越已知和未知的圆满和不圆满。告诉帕冉玛希瓦：“除了我的已知和未知，我向你投降，哦，帕冉玛希瓦！让我与你合一。让我与你合一。无论我知不知道，无论我是否圆满，让我与你合一，因为我知道你的存在。我可能没见过你，但我的上师见过你。你是由我信任的人介绍给我的-我的上师！我的上师告诉过你存在，所以你存在。就连我自己都没有经历过。但我知道你的存在，你是我存在的源泉。所以请让我与你合一。当你把它给我的上师时，把它给我。” *CONSCIOUSLY DECIDE TO BE IN ONENESS WITH PARAMASHIVA BEYOND KNOWN AND UNKNOWN COMPLETION AND INCOMPLETION. TELL PARAMASHIVA: “BEYOND MY KNOWN AND UNKNOWN, I SURRENDER TO YOU, O PARAMASHIVA! KEEP ME IN ONENESS WITH YOU. LET ME BE IN ONENESS WITH YOU. WHETHER I KNOW IT OR NOT, WHETHER I AM COMPLETE ABOUT IT OR NOT, LET ME BE IN ONENESS WITH YOU BECAUSE I KNOW YOU EXIST. I MAY NOT HAVE SEEN YOU, BUT MY GURU HAS SEEN YOU. YOU ARE INTRODUCED TO ME BY SOMEONE I TRUST - MY GURU! MY GURU HAS TOLD YOU EXIST, SO YOU EXIST. EVEN I HAVE NOT PERSONALLY EXPERIENCED. BUT I KNOW YOU EXIST AND YOU ARE THE SOURCE OF MY EXISTENCE. SO PLEASE KEEP ME IN ONENESS WITH YOU. AS YOU GAVE IT TO MY GURU, GIVE IT TO ME.” *决定超越你的妄想。这就是一致性、合一性、开放、圆满。 *DECIDE TO BE BEYOND YOUR DELUSION. THAT IS INTEGRITY, ONENESS, UNCLUTCHING, COMPLETION. *与你个人经历之外的事情中一致性，提升你认识到这个现实。我称之为“宇宙的一致性” *BEING INTEGRATED TO SOMETHING BEYOND YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, RAISES YOU TO THAT REALITY. I CALL THAT AS ‘COSMIC INTEGRITY.’ *今日共修讲座精华：通过放开的炼金术，发挥大瓦解、洪水、大流行病回响的化学反应。 *ESSENCE OF TODAY'S SATSANG: THROUGH THE ALCHEMY OF UNCLUTCHING, PLAY THE CHEMISTRY OF PRALAYA, DELUGE, ECHO PANDEMIC. *我将在下一个共修讲座中解释这个大瓦解的生物学。 *I WILL EXPLAIN THE BIOLOGY OF THIS PRALAYA IN FURTHER SATSANG. https://www.facebook.com/ParamahamsaNithyananda/posts/4124847857603033 ～尼希亚南达中文翻译小组

[srinithyananda]

Glimpses from Nithya Satsang with HDH Nithyananda Paramashivam 20 JULY 2020 - 07:49 PM, MONDAY (IST), NITHYANANDA SATSANG - ENGLISH GIST *PARAMASHIVA’S MESSAGE DIRECTLY FROM KAILASA: *CHEMISTRY OF THIS PRALAYA HAPPENING RIGHT NOW: *WHEN I USE THE WORD “CHEMISTRY OF THIS PRALAYA”, WHAT IS THE CHEMISTRY HAPPENING IN THE COSMOS FOR THIS PRALAYA TO START, GET INITIATED AND WHAT IS THE CHEMISTRY IT IS MANIFESTING IN ALL OF US AND WHAT IS THE ALCHEMY PROCESS TO SAVE OURSELVES FROM THIS PRALAYA, DELUGE, PANDEMIC, PANDEMIC FATIGUE AND ALL AFTER EFFECTS OF THIS PANDEMIC. *KNOWING THE CHEMISTRY OF THIS PRALAYA, YOU CAN PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THIS PRALAYA. *YESTERDAY I WAS EXPLAINING THIS DELUGE - PRALAYA - IS DELUSION. WHAT USUALLY DELUSION DOES TO YOUR SYSTEM IS THE CHEMISTRY. *WHAT IS THE IMPACT ON YOUR INNER CHEMISTRY OF THIS DELUSION? HOW THIS DELUSION IMPACTS YOUR INNER CHEMISTRY? IT CAUSES DIS-CONTINUOUS SUICIDAL ARROGANCE, LIFE-NEGATIVE EXTREME MOOD SWINGS. *THE FIRST IMPACT OF BHAVA SAMADHI WILL BE EXTREME ECSTASY, ABSOLUTE JOY, AND BRAIN FILLED WITH NECTAR! THE DELUSION’S FIRST IMPACT WILL BE EXTREME MOOD SWINGS AND FEELING DISCONNECTED EVEN WITH THE PURPOSE OF EXISTENCE OF YOUR LIFE. THAT IS WHY I AM INSISTING THAT TILL DECEMBER 14TH, BRING MORE AND MORE LOVE, JOY, COMPLETION, UNCLUTCHING. *TAKE MY WORDS VERY SERIOUSLY. EVERY WORD I AM UTTERING IS REALLY REALLY REALLY UTTERED WITH EXTREME SINCERITY. *UNCLUTCHING, COMPLETION NOT SLEEPING MORE THAN 6 HOURS, ALL THESE ARE TOO IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO KEEP YOURSELF TOGETHER AT LEAST TILL DECEMBER 14TH. *EXTREME VIOLENCE INSIDE AND OUTSIDE, MURDEROUS, SUICIDAL TENDENCY WILL BE THE NORMAL FLOW DUE TO THIS PRALAYA. *PEOPLE WHO USUALLY ACT DURING THE MOOD SWINGS, KEEP YOUR KNIFE, POISONOUS CHEMICALS, EVERYTHING AWAY FROM YOUR REACH LIKE HOW WE SAY: KEEP ALL THIS AWAY FROM CHILDREN’S REACH! I MEAN IT! *EVERY WORD I AM UTTERING IS CAREFULLY THOUGHT THROUGH AND UTTERED WITH RESPONSIBILITY. EVEN HOW I SIT AND HOW I PRESENT MYSELF IS VERY CONSCIOUSLY DONE. *JATA, BHASMA, RUDRAKSHA - ALL THESE REPRESENT MY INTEGRITY TO CHARYA PADA - LIFESTYLE. *THE ATMALINGA I AM ALWAYS WEARING WHICH I DO NITHYA PUJA TO EVERYDAY REPRESENTS MY INTEGRITY TO KRIYA PADA OF PARAMASHIVA’S WORDS. *I USED TO TELL EVERYONE: EVEN IF YOU MISS FOOD, DON'T MISS PUJA. EVEN DURING MY PARIVRAJAKA YATRA, SOMETIMES IF I WAS NOT ABLE TO CARRY MY DEITY WITH ME, LIKE SOMETIMES I WILL THINK I WILL GO TO THE NEARBY VILLAGE AND COME BACK IN THE EVENING BUT I WILL BE STUCK AND NOT ABLE TO COME BACK DUE TO SOME NATURAL CALAMITY, EVEN DURING THOSE DAYS, I WILL KEEP A DROP OF WATER CALLED JALA LINGA OR KEEP RUDRAKSHA AND OFFER PUJA. *PADMASANA AND SITTING STRAIGHT SHOWS MY INTEGRITY TO YOGA PADA TO PARAMASHIVA. *THE GREAT TRUTHS I AM DOWNLOADING AND SHARING WITH YOU ALL IS DEMONSTRATION OF MY INTEGRITY TO PARAMASHIVA’S JNANA PADA. SO EVERYTHING I UTTER OR DO IS ABSOLUTELY IN INTEGRITY WITH PARAMASHIVA AND HIS TEACHINGS. *NOW WITH THAT INTEGRITY, I AM SHARING THIS TRUTH WITH YOU. DUE TO THIS PRALAYA, DELUGE, YOUR PAST VIOLENCE, KARMAS, EVERYTHING WILL BE TRIGGERED FROM THE SOURCE. IT IS ALSO GOOD NEWS THAT YOU CAN USE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO COMPLETE ALL UNKNOWN INCOMPLETIONS WHICH WILL NOW BE SMOKED OUT DUE TO THIS DELUGE. *WHEN THERE IS A COLLECTIVE DELUGE, PRALAYA, EVEN THE DEEPEST LAYERS OF YOUR PATTERNS, INCOMPLETIONS WILL ALL OOZE OUT. SO IF YOU PRACTISE ABSOLUTE COMPLETION, NONVIOLENCE AND NO REACTION OR RESPONSE INTERNALLY AND EXTERNALLY FOR ALL THE INCOMPLETION, PATTERNS COMING OUT, ERUPTING, GUSHING AND OOZING OUT, IF YOU GO FOR UNCLUTCHING, THIS PRALAYA, PANDEMIC TIME, WILL GIVE YOU SUPERCONSCIOUS BREAKTHROUGH, ENLIGHTENMENT POWERS AND NOT ONLY YOU WILL SAIL THROUGH THIS, YOU WILL GIVE A SUPERCONSCIOUS BREAKTHROUGH TO OTHERS BY SETTING A TREND, MODEL. *TOO MANY THINGS WHICH YOU LOVED, WHICH YOU THOUGHT AS PART OF YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE, TOO MANY PEOPLE WHOM YOU LOVED, WHO WERE PART OF YOUR EVERYDAY LIFE, WILL NOT BE THERE ANYMORE AS THEY USED TO BE. THERE WILL BE SOME DEATHS, SOME PEOPLE WILL BE LOSING THEIR QUALITIES OF WHAT YOU CALL AS THEM. *IF THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE WHO HATE NITHYANANDA, THERE ARE 2 MILLION PEOPLE WHO HATE WHAT THEY FALSELY THINK AS NITHYANANDA DUE TO FALSE PROPAGANDA. THAT IS WHAT I CALLED DELUSION BASED HATRED. ALL THAT WILL MELT DOWN. *THE CELEBRITIES WHO ARE PROMOTED BY THE BRAND BUILDING EXERCISES ARE LOVED FOR THAT WHICH IS REALLY NOT THEIR QUALITY. DELUSION BASED LOVE AND DELUSION BASED HATRED, BOTH WILL MELT DOWN. *THE FALSE IDEA-PROPELLED LOVE AND FALSE IDEA-PROPELLED HATRED WILL MELT DOWN IN THIS DELUGE. FOR MANY PEOPLE, FOR WHOM I WAS NOT PART OF THEIR LIFE, WILL SUDDENLY DISCOVER ME AS AN IMPORTANT COMPONENT IN THEIR LIFE TO KEEP THEMSELVES TOGETHER. *MANY CELEBRITIES WHOM YOU THOUGHT AS PART OF YOUR LIFE WILL SUDDENLY LOSE THEIR INFLUENCE OVER YOUR LIFE. *THIS PRALAYA, PANDEMIC, PROVIDES OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO GO THROUGH THE ALCHEMY OF ENLIGHTENMENT. MANY THINGS YOU NEED TO UNCLUTCH FROM WILL BE FORCIBLY UNCLUTCHED FROM YOU. YOU SHOULD NOT BE VIOLENT, ANGRY, DEPRESSED ABOUT IT. *EVERYDAY, JUST LIKE YOU BREATHE WHAT IS AVAILABLE IN THE FORM OF AIR, EAT WHAT IS AVAILABLE IN THE FORM OF FOOD, CONSUME THE ECOSYSTEM WHAT IS AVAILABLE IN THE FORM OF THOUGHTS, YOU CANNOT STOP ITS INFLUENCE OVER YOU. HOW MUCH EVER YOU THINK YOU ARE INTELLIGENT, YOU CAN'T STOP THE INFLUENCE OF NEGATIVE NEWS OVER YOU. ONLY THING YOU CAN DO IS, YOUR INNER SPACE CAN BE PURIFIED WITH UNCLUTCHING. *YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING AROUND YOU THROUGH THE NEWS. YOU NEED TO KNOW THE RULES AND REGULATIONS...WHAT IS HAPPENING...WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM THIS PANDEMIC, ALL THESE NEEDS TO REACH YOU FROM THE OUTER WORLD. SO YOU CAN'T COMPLETELY DISCONNECT YOURSELF. SO NATURALLY WHEN YOU ALLOW THE NEWS TO REACH YOU, ALL THE OTHER THINGS ASSOCIATED WITH IT, REACHES YOU BUT YOUR REACTION IS IN YOUR CONTROL. IT IS NOT IN SOMEONE ELSE'S CONTROL. NO ONE ELSE IS SITTING INSIDE AND THINKING FOR YOU. *EXAMPLE STATEMENTS: THE BODY WHICH DOES NOT HAVE CRAVINGS, ADDICTIONS, IS BILLION DOLLARS’ WORTH. THE BODY WHICH SALIVATES TO TASTE AND REJOICE FASTING, IS TRILLION DOLLAR WORTH; I SHOULD SAY MULTI-BILLION DOLLAR WORTH! THE BODY WHICH CAN SIT IN PADMASANA AND UNCLUTCH AND HAVE HIGH POWERFUL COGNITIONS INSIDE YOU, IS TRILLIONS TRILLIONS TRILLIONS WORTH! *IF GOD GIVES ME THE OPTION: THE BODY THAT SITS IN PADMASANA, UNCLUTCHES, HAVING HIGH CONSCIOUSNESS, AND THE OTHER SIDE, TRILLION DOLLARS, I WILL ABSOLUTELY 120% FULLY, CONSCIOUSLY, CHOOSE THE BODY THAT CAN SIT IN PADMASANA AND UNCLUTCH AND HAVE POWERFUL COGNITION, BECAUSE THAT CAN MANIFEST MUCH MUCH MUCH HIGHER THINGS THAN ANY TRILLION DOLLARS! *SAME WAY, THE MIND WHICH HAS LESS REACTIONS IS LIKE MILLIONAIRE’S MIND AND WHICH IS UNCLUTCHED IS BILLION DOLLAR MIND. MIND WHICH IS UNCLUTCHED BUT INTENSELY ACTIVE IN THAT STATE IN PARAMASHANTA SWARUPA AND FORM THAT ABSOLUTE PEACEFUL STATE, INTENSELY ACTIVE IS BEYOND TRILLIONAIRE’S MIND. IT IS BEYOND VIOLENCE, NONVIOLENCE. IT KNOWS TO BE ABSOLUTELY EST IN VN AND DO WHAT IS RIGHT LIKE KRISHNA TELLING ARJUNA: NONVIOLENCE IS THE ULTIMATE. “AHIMSA PARAMO DHARMAHA”. NOW KILL ALL THESE PEOPLE WHO NEED TO BE ELIMINATED TO KEEP SRISHTI ON PLANET EARTH ALIVE. APPARENTLY VIOLENT BUT ABS NV! THAT IS BEYOND ORDINARILY WHAT YOU UNDERSTAND AS VIOLENCE. THAT IS THE COSMIC LEVEL NON VIOLENCE. KRISHNA LEADING THE MAHABHARAT WAR IS THE ABSOLUTE COSMIC LEVEL NON VIOLENCE. AHIMSA IN THE SCALE OF UNIVERSE! BECAUSE TOO MUCH WEAPON WERE PILED UP AND TOO MANY HAD KNOWLEDGE OF TOO MUCH WEAPON. TOO MANY KNEW THE SCIENCE OF BRAHMASTRA, KNEW THE SCIENCE OF TOO MANY ASTRAS, SO ANY ONE WEAPON LEFT IN THE HANDS OF THE GUY WHO CAN DO VIOLENT REACTION DUE TO HIS ASSUMPTIONS, WHO CAN GO CRAZY AND GET INTO PANDEMIC FATIGUE THAT EMBOLDENS PEOPLE: “COME WHAT MAY ANYWAY I AM GOING TO DOWN THE DRAIN THEN LET ME PULL EVERYONE ALONG WITH ME” *THESE THOUGHT CURRENTS COME WHEN YOU FEEL YOU HAVE ONLY ONE LIFE. WHEN YOU KNOW YOU ARE GOING TO COME BACK YOU WILL LEAVE THIS PLANET EARTH HAPPY AND RICH MORE THAN WHAT IT WAS WHEN YOU ENTERED BECAUSE YOU ARE GOING TO COME BACK! LOSING THIS BALANCE AND DESTROYING WHOLE PLANET EARTH, IT IS LIKE NOBODY KNOWS WHEN SRISHTI WILL BE DESTROYED ...DRONACHARYA, ASHWATHAMA...TOO MANY PEOPLE KNOW THE SCIENCE OF BRAHMASTRA. ASHWATTHAMA CAN ONLY RELEASE BUT CAN'T RECALL THE BRAHMASTRA…! *NARROW MINDED PEOPLE START BELIEVING IN ONE LIFE. LARGE BROAD VISIONARIES REALISE TRUTH OF MULTIPLE. BELIEVING IN ONE LIFE IS SUPERSTITIOUS. MANY POEPLE WHO KNOW THE TRUTH OF MULTIPLE LIVES DUE TO DELUSION STARTED FOLLOWIN ONE LIFE SUPERSTITUOS MENTAL SETUP IF YOU HAVE THE VISION OF A LARGR LIFE, YOU WILL NEVER DO SILLY, STUPID SUICIDAL, PANDEMIC ARROGANT CHEMISTRY BASED DECISIONS. *KRISHNA HAS NO OTHER WAY BUT TO DESTROY ALL WEAPONS IN CONTROLLED CONDITIONS SO HE COLLECTED ALL WEAPONS IN KURUKSHETRA AND ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAD THE KNOWLEDGE OF DESTROYING THE WHOLE SRISHTI. HE FINISHED OFF IN CONTROLLED CONDITION. THAT IS WHY I SAY, KRISHNA LEADING THE MAHABHARAT WAR PERSONALLY SITTING THERE FOR 18 DAYS...ACTUALLY KRISHNA WAS IN QUARANTINE AT THAT TIME. HE WAS JUST THERE BURNING HEALING RELEASING CLEANING EVERYTHING WITHOUT TOUCHING ANY WEAPON. HE WAS ONLY AS A CATALYST FOR THIS WHOLE CLEANSING TO HAPPEN. *THAT IS THE GREATEST AHIMSA, NONVIOLENCE KRISHNA IS DEMONSTRATING HIS RESPONSIBILITY TO PROTECT THE SRISHTI, RESP AS PARANDAMA VISHNU OF MAINTAINING EHWORLD BY CONDUCTING THE MHB PERSONALLY AND ELIMINATING ALL THE DESTRUCTIVE ENERGY AND TAKING ALL THE BLAME ON HIMSELF FOR THE WAR STUPID ARE THOS EWHO LAME K FOR H BWAR. EVEN IF IT WAS ONE DAY FOR THE MHB WAR TO HAPPEN, THE SRISHTI WOULD HAVE BEEN LOST, SOMEONE FOOL WOULD HAVE DESTROYED THE WHOLE WORLD. LIKE IN HINDI SERIALS DEVON KI DEV: SRISTI NASHT JO JAYEGA! ONLY THEN PRM WILL WAKE UP. USUALLY NARADA ONLY WILL GO THERE AND SAY SRISHTI NASHT HOJAYE...THENMAHADEVA WILL OPEN HIS EYES AND … THAT IS COSMIC LEVEL NONVIOLENCE RESPONSIBLE NONVIOLENCE. FOOLS ARE THOSE WHO BLAME KRISHAN FOR MAHABHARATA WAR. FOOLS ARE THOSE WHO EVEN THINK MAHABHARAT WAR WAS VIOLENCE AND WHO DO NOT KNOW THE LARGER PICTURE OF MAHABHARAT WAR. FOOLS ARE THOSE WHO ACCUSE KRISHAN FOR RASA LEELA. NEITHER THEY KNOW LUST NOR VIOLENCE. WAR THROUGH RASLEELA HE ABSOLUTELY DEMONSTRATED ABSOLUTE BRAHMACHARYA SATYA HAVING THE BEST THINGS OF THE WORLD AROUND HIM OF THE WORLD KRISHNA DEMONSTRATED ABS APARAIGRAHA. TAKING AWAY NOT ONLY THINGS EVEN GIRLS...FROM EVERYONE HE DEMONSTRATED ABSOLUTE ASTEYA. HE IS PEAK OF ABSOLUTE PURITY WHICH CAN NEVER BE GRASPED BY MIDDLE CLASS MENTALITY. HE IS AN INCARNATION OF PURITY. HE STOLE THE BUTTER FROM SO MANY HOUSES, NOBODY COMPLAINED. HE WENT TO NANDAS HOUSE BUT NOBODY COMPLAINED HE CAME TO HIS HOUSE TO GET ONE MORE GLIMPSE OF KRISHNA ...WHEN K WENT AGAIN TO HIS HOUSE TO TEAK BUTET THEY CATCH HIM NOT TO PUNISH HIM BUT OLD HIM ONE MORE TIME IN THEIR HOME BY RUNNING AWAY WITH JARASANDHA AND RANCHOR DEMONSTRATED BRILLIANCE. IF HE DID NOT RUN AWAY AND CONTINUED TO FIGHT WITH JARASANDHA, IT WOULD BE HAVE BEEN PANDEMIC FATIGUE EMBOLDENED SUICIDAL ARROGANCE. HE KNOWS WHO CAN KILL JARASANDHA, WHO HAS TO KILL JARASANDHA AND WITH VIVEKA HE STRATEGIZED. *PEOPLE WHO ACCUSE KRISHNA BECAUSE HE RAN AWAY FROM WAR WITH JARASANDHA ARE FOOLS. THE SAME FOOLISHNESS IS MANIFESTING AS MODERN DAY TROLLS WHO THINK I RAN AWAY. *PEOPLE ACCUSING KRISHAN FOR HIS RAS LEELA ARE FOOLS. I HAVE ALWAYS SEEN: PPEOPLE WHO ACCUE KRISHAN OF WIAMNISISND DUE TO HIS RASALEELA SOON ALL THEIR STORIES OF ALL THEIR PERVERSIONS COME OUT! KRISHNA IS ABSOLUTE BRAHMACHARI. ALL THOSE WHO ACCUSE, THEIR STORIES WILL COME OUT SOON AND COMING OUT SOON! PEOPLE WHO BLAME KRISHNA OR MAHABHARATA ARE FOOLS! *PEOPLE WHO ACCUSE K FOR KILLING SISHUPALA FOR VERBALLY INSULTING K….SISHU WAS DESTROYING KRISHNA BHAKTI WHO WOULD HAVE BEEN ENLIGHTENED...EACH DISCIPLE IS LITERALLY JNANA GARBHA I AM HOLDING. SO DESTRYOIGN THEI BHAKTI IS LIEK AN ABORTION. SISHUOALA IS DOING TOO MANY SPIRITUAL ABORTIONS. THAT IS WHEN K HAS NO OTHER WAY. SO THE COSMIC NON VIOLENCE NEEDS TO DO ITS JOB. THIS PRALAYA,PANDEMIC IS A GREAT COSMIC AHIMSA MANIFESTATION. *BLESSED ARE THOSE WHO STAND WITH KRISHNA. SWALPA - EVEN PRACTISING LITTLE BIT OF NONVIOLENCE DURING THIS PRALAY WILL DO A LOT OF GOOD. PRACTICE NONVIOLENCE, UNCLUTCHING, FEELING CONNECTION, AJAPA JAPA OF MAHAVAKYA, ONENESS...START PRACTISING ALL THESE SIX, WHENEVER YOU LIKE. AFTER SOME TIME THE MIND SUDDENLY DOESN'T SETTLE DOWN THEN YOU CAN DO UNCLUTCHING AFTER SOME TIME IF IT DOESN'T SEEM TO SETTLE, PRACTICE ONENESS AND WATCH ONENESS CAPSULE...SOMETIME DO AJAPA JAPA ….DO WHAT WORKS. ALL THIS S ONE AND THE SAME- YOU WILL FALL IN NIRVIKALPA SAMADHI. SOMETIME YOU ENJOY COFFEE, SOMETIME HOT CHOCOLATE, SOMETIME TEACH...LIKE THIS YOU CAN ENJOY ANYTHING! ALL THESE SIX LEAD TO THE SAME SPACE! ENJOY! *BY PERSONALLY GUIDING AND MANAGING THE MHB WAR K DEMONSTRATED ABSOLUTE EXTREME COMMITMENT TO THE SRISHTI, CREATION AND DEMONSTRATED HIS COSMIC NONVIOLENCE! A DOCTOR REMOVING THE YOUR WITH THE KNIFE IS NOT VIOLENCE THAT IS THE ABSOLUTE NONVIOLENCE FOR YOUR LIFE. HE DID THE BEST TO YOUR LIFE. SAME WAY KRISHAN CONDUCTING THE MAHABHARATA WAR PERSONALLY IS THE GREATEST DEMONSTRATION OF NV AND LOVE COSMICALLY. K MANIFESTED 100 TIMES MORE LOVE DURING THE MB WAR THAN WHEN HE DIDI RASA LEELA. HIS INTENSE LOVE RENERGY AND COMPASSION AND AURA WAS RESPONSIBILITY FOR DESTROYING ALL WEAPONS AND NEG KNOWLEDGE IN CONTROLLED CONDITIONS PROTECTING THE WHOLE SRISHTI. JUST IN HIS BREATHING SPACE IN KURUKSHETRA. HE CREATED A CHAMBER IN WHICH ALL THIS BRAMASTRAS AND KNOWLEDGE OF VARIOUS DESTRUCTIVE WEAPONS CAN BE BURNT AWAY MHB WAR NONVIOLENCE BRAHMACHARYA IF YOU READ MAHABHARATA, HE MADE DHARMA RAJA UTTER SO CALLED LIE WHICH IS NOT LIE. EEN FACTUALLY IT IS NOT LIE. AND THIS WHOLE TRICK HE DEMONSTRATED COSMIC SATYA, HIS COMMITMENT TO THE SATYA OF THE COSMOS. BY RUNNING AWAY FROM JARASANHDA WAR HE DEMONSTRATED ABS LIFE POSITIVE COURAGE COMMITTING SUIICDE IS COURAGE? IT IS CALLED PANDEMIC. LIFE ITSELF IS A PANDEMIC . WHEN YOU FEEL FATIGUE WITH THIS LIFE PANDEMIC YOU GET EMBOLDENED AND IT IS CALLED SUICIDAL ARROGANCE .IT IS LIKE KIDS ATTENDING COVID PARTIES TO SEE WHO IS GETTING AFFECTED. IT IS SUICIDAL ARROGANCE,NOT COURAGE. TALKING TO THE GURU ABUSING GANG AND ATTENDING COVID 19 PARTIES ARE ONE AND THE SAME. BOTH ARE SUICIDAL ARROGANCE, NOT COURAGE. *THAT IS WHY I INSIST ON DON'T TALK TO GURU DROHIS AND ABUSERS BECAUSE IT IS LIKE A VIRUS THEY CAN PUT INSIDE YOU WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE WITHOUT YOUR ABILITY TO SAFEGUARD YOU. *KRISHAN DEMONSTRATED VISIONARY COURAGE BY WITHDRAWING FROM BATTLE WITH JARASANDHA. THAT IS WHY RANCHOD SHUD NOT BE USED AS DEFAMING WAY TO KRISHAN IT SHOULD BE USED AS GLORY OF HIS VISIONARY COURAGE DEMONSTRATION. FOOLS WHO TROLL ME AS RANCHOD WILL UNDERSTAND LATER ON. I TOOK THIS DECISION OF WITHDRAWAL BCOS I KNOW WHAT I SCOMING PEOPLE STANDING ON ROAD CAN SE 10 VEHICLES COMING BOTH SIDE - 100 FEET BOTH SIDE. BUT PERSON STANDING IN 25 FLOOR CAN SEE 25 KM ON BOTH SIDES AND 1100 VEHICLES. I CAN SEE LARGER LIFE THAN YOU BECAUSE I AM UCNUTCHED BAND BASED ON THAT I MAKE DECISIONS! *WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A LARGER VISION YOU ACCUSE ME OF RUNNING AWAY. NOW UNDERSTAND IT IS NOT RUNNING AWAY IT IS SPIRITUAL SELF QUARANTINE! *LET THIS PRALAY MANIFEST AND SETTLE DOWN, THEN YOU WILL UNDERSTAND EVERY WORD I UTTERED EVERY ACTION I DID WAS TO PREPARE MY SELF AND ALL OF YOU TO SUCCESSFULLY SAIL THROUGH THIS PRALAYA AND GIVE SUPERCONSCIOUS BREAKTHROUGH TO THE POST PRALAYA WORLD. *BY STEALING BUTTER FORM GOPIKAS EVEN AS KID SO MANY STORIES ABOUT KRISHNA STEALING IS THERE INCLUDING WOMEN WITH ALL THIS HE DEMONSTRATED COMSI ASTEYA. PEOPLE WHO ACCUSE KRISHNA AS A THIEF ARE FOOLS! YOU CAN NEVER UNDERSTAND THE COSMIC SCALE ACTIONS AND REACTIONS MANIFESTATIONS OF KRISHNA *LISTEN TO KRISHAN. ENJOY KRISHAN, CELEBRATE KRISHNA WORSHIP KRISHNA. DONT TRY TO MEASURE HIM WITH YOUR STUPID PERVERTED INCOMLETIONS. PEOPLE ACCUSE K FROM STEALING 16,000 WOMEN FORM . BUT THOSE WOMEN WORSHIPPED HIM FOR RESCUING THEM FROM NARAKASURA AND FOR GIVING THEM STATUS OF HIS OWN WIFE. THEY DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL REL WITH K. HE WANTS TO GIVE THEM THE STATUS OF HIS OWN PATNIS - ARDANGINIS. TI IS THE GREATEST TYAGA KRISHAN HAS DONE. *BECAUSE HE RESCUED THEM FROM N ,NO MAN WANTS TO MARRY THEM BECAUSE THEY THINK THESE WOMEN ARE KEEPERS OF N AND WHY SHOULD THEY MARRY THEM. THOSE WOMEN DID NOT HAVE LIFE HOPE FUTURE. HE DECLARED ALL OF THEM AS HIS OWN WISEVES AND GAVE THEM THAT STATUS. WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED THAN TO BE CALLED AS KRISHNA PATNI. *WHAT A SACRIFICE KNOWING THAT WHOLE WORLD WILL ACCUSE AND ABUSE HIM HE DOESN'T CARE. HE CARES ONLY ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO SURRENDERED TO HIM. THOSE WOMEN PRAYED TO KRISHNA TO REDUCE THEM. HE RESCUED THEM AND GAVE THEM THE STATUS. WHAT A PERSONALITY! APATH PANDAVA ANAADA RAKSHAKA - ONLY K FITS THAT WORD. WHAT A TYAGA. HE KNOWS FOREVER IN STORY HE IS GOING TO CARRY BAD NAME AS WOMANISER BUT HE DOESN'T BOTHER. PROTECTING THEM AND GIVING THEM STATUS IS MORE IMPORTANT FOR ME THAN STATUS. SACRIFICING YOUR FOOD WITH CLOTHES AND WEALTH IS TOO SMALL TYAGA THAN THIS TYAGE. PERSONALITY LIKE KRISHNA HOW HE IS GOING TO GO DOWN IN HISTORY IS VERY IMP THING BUT HE IS READY TO SACRIFICE EVEN THAT. PRANAMAMI MUHURMUHU. KRISHNAM VANDE JAGAD GURU. *I BOW DOWN AGAIN AND GAIN TO KRISHNA’S TYAGA. I CAN BE ABSOLUTELY SURE THAT NOT ONE OF THOSE 16000 WOMEN WAS USED FOR THE PURPOSE OF SEX OR PLEASURE FOR KRISHNA. I AM 120% SURE. HE REUSED THE SEX SLAVES OF NARAKASURA AND GAVE THEM THE STATUS OF KRISHNA PATNIS. *WHY HE NEEDS PLEASURE? SUCH EXTRAORDINARY SACRIFICE INCLUDING THE SACRIFICE OF WHO HE IS GOING TO GO DOWN IN HISTORY. *YOU NEED DIVYA DAKSHU TO SEE KRISHNA. K SAYS GIVE YOU DS TO SEE THE LARGER ME. ONLY IF YOU SEE LARGER ME YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHY I WITHDREW FROM HUMANITY. WHY I SELF QUARANTINE MYSELF. *PRALAYA IS NOT YET OVER IT ONLY STARTED IT WILL BE FULLY TRIGGERED BY DEC 14TH AND AFTER THAT CASCADING CRISIS. *CHEMISTRY OF THS PRALAYA, OF THIS DELUGE, WILL INSTIGATE EXTREME NEGATIVITY AND SUICIDAL ARROGANCE. THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE YOURSELF FROM THIS IS: DON'T SLEEP MORE THAN 6 HOURS. KEEP YOURSELF IN HIGHER AND HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS BY WHOLE DAY EITHER PRACTISING UNCLUTCHING, COMPLETION, WORKING WITH KAILASA DIGITAL NATION. WHEN YOU WORK WITH AILASA DN, YOU CONSTANTLY INHALE ME. YOU ARE IN MY BREATHING SPACE. *ACTION IS THE ULTIMATE ALCHEMY. *CONSCIOUSLY DECIDING TO BE IN ONENESS WITH PARAMASHIVA BEYOND KNOWN AND UNKNOWN COMPLETION AND INCOMPLETION. TELL PARAMASHIVA: BEYOND MY KNOW AND UNKNOWN C AND IN I SURRENDER TO YOU O PRM KEEP ME IN ONENESS WITH YOU. LET ME BE IN ONENESS WITH YOU. WHETHER I KNOW IT OR NOT, WHETHER I AM COMPLETE ABOUT IT OR NOT LET ME BE IN ONENESS WITH YOU BECAUSE I KNOW YOU EXIST. I MAY NOW HAVE SEEN YOU BUT MY GURU HAS SEEN YOU. YOU ARE INTRODUCED TO ME BY SOMEONE I TRUST MY GUUR. MY GRU HAS TOLD YOU EXIST S YOU EXIST EVEN I HAVE NOT PERSONALLY EXPERIENCED SO I KNOW YOU EXIST AND YOU ARE SOURCE OF MY EXISTENCE SO PLEASE KEEP ME JIN INESS WITH YOU . AS YOU GAVET TO MY GURU GIVE IT TO ME. *DECIDE TO BE IN BEYOND UR DEL THAT IS INTEGRITY, ONENESS UNCLUTCHING COMPLETION. *SOMETHING WHICH DOESN'T CHALLENGE OR CHANGE YOU..SAME WAY, INTEGRATE TO SOMETHING BEYOND YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, RAISES YOU TO THAT REALITY I CALL THAT AS COSMIC INTEGRITY. *ESSENCE OF TODAY'S SATSANG: THROUGH THE ALCHEMY OF UNCLUTCHING PLAY THE CHEMISTRY OF PRALAYA DELUGE ECHO PANDEMIC. *I WILL EXPLAIN THE BIOLOGY OF THIS PRALAYA IN FURTHER SATSANG. WE HAVE MAHESHWARA PUJA NEXT. ALL THE PARAMASHIVA GANA PARTICIPANTS WILL HAVE A MEETING AFTER THAT. I WILL REVEAL MY VISION AND STRATEGIES FOR KAILASA. Read the full post here: https://www.facebook.com/138595819561610/posts/4124847857603033/

[lemoncakepanda]

My top 25 NaLu moments! (Part 1)

Here I’m going to post my favorite 25 NaLu moments. Since they have a lot of moments, it was hard to pick just 25 (and keep in mind that this is manga only, no anime, meaning there’ll be no filler moments, nor movie moments). Since I don’t want this to get too long, I’m going to split it into 2 parts (25 through 16, 15 through 1). Also, this is MY OPINION only; my favorite moments. You don’t have to agree with me, or say ‘the other moment should be higher’ or ‘why didn’t you include that moment here’. I love all NaLu moments, but there are some that just make my heart go ‘whoooooa’ and those are the ones I’ll include here. It’s not spoiler-free, so if you’re not updated on the current arc, I suggest not to read it.

Part 2 can be found here.

25. “Someone give us courage” (ch. 247).

This moment here is just SO important to me, for two reasons; first, Lucy’s terrified, just like everyone else, and she holds onto Natsu so tightly, like her life depends on it. I also think in a way she’s trying to protect him there, even though she’s afraid. She’s both trying to get some comfort, as well as to protect the man in her arms. It’s just beautiful; second, the way he grips into her arm and finds the resolve to keep fighting. And he gives her the courage she’d been asking for. They really gave each other so much hope in this moment, and I swear to God, I wasn’t able to function for an hour after analyzing this.

24. “Let’s form a team!” (ch. 226)

Yes, another Tenrou Island moment. Let’s face it, the TI arc was just full of delicious beautiful NaLu moments. Anyways, I had to pick this one because, oh my God, look at the f*cking chemistry in these two panels. Look at these two being FLIRTY with each other, putting their “rivalry” aside to work together. I’m sorry, but I have yet to see them looking at someone else like this. I’m so thankful to Mashima for these two panels in special; I remember losing my faith in this pairing back then, for a while, but when I saw this chapter and this moment, I regained that hope pretty quickly. They really compliment each other, and they make a great team. They’re also totally giving each other bedroom eyes. Excuse me.

23. Natsu’s kept memories & “Lucy, come home already” (omake 212.5).

This whole omake (Natsu & Happy’s House) was just full of adorable moments. Even though Natsu and Lucy didn’t necessarily interact during this omake, these two moments I put in picture there were so special. First, Lucy’s face when she sees that Natsu has kept memories of their jobs, there’s so much love in her eyes; her face softens, and she just can’t help but smile at how sweet that is. Same goes for the next moment, when she arrives at home and she finds Natsu and Happy there, instead of being at their house as she’d wanted them to. I really think this omake was a huge factor that changed the way Lucy viewed her two special boys (which I’ll get to in another moment a big higher in the list); they started to think of her house as their home, even though they already had a house. That’s just so sweet, I have no words, I could gush about the “come home already” all day.

22. Watch Out for the Guy You Like! (omake 71.5).

Yes, another Omake. And yes, I’m aware many people refer to this omake as an anti-NaLu one, but in my opinion, it really wasn’t. Like Mashima himself said recently (I think it was recently), even though Natsu didn’t confess his love like Lucy thought he would, it was super sweet to see Lucy’s cute delusions of Natsu; she actually considered being in a relationship with him for a while. Even though she was denying it so badly, she actually had moments when she’d think like “that actually wouldn’t be so ba... oh noooo!”. And that was enough of a NaLu moment for me. I knew Natsu wasn’t in love with her then, just like Lucy didn’t have those feelings for him yet, but she considered it. It was REALLY cute, and I actually love this Omake; also Natsu in that shoujo panel is just too much for my soul thank you so much for this Mashima.

21. “Do that thing where you purr like a cat” (omake 462.5).

As we saw in OVA 4, Lucy was an affectionate drunk. Especially with Natsu, which gave us amazing NaLu moments with Lucy all over Natsu. Since that happened in a OVA, I never thought we’d get a mention of it again, so I didn’t consider it canon. But when this special Christmas chapter came out, imagine my surprise and happiness when I saw this ^. Like, that’s such a slap in the face to anyone who says those two are just friends and don’t see each other in a romantic/sexual light. Drunk Lucy just looooves some Natsu time, and always finds an excuse to be with him, either in his arms or on top of him. This panel I chose is so cute, with her jumping onto him, tackling him into the ground and stroking his chin with hearts over her head and a romantic look in her eyes. Meanwhile, Natsu’s kind of dying there, lmao what’s his deal by the way, look at his toes it’s like he’s trying really hard to fight something *wink wink*. The big NaLu moments are great, but there are little moments, like this one, that I just live for. It’s a little moment, yet it means a lot.

20. Reaching out for each other’s hands (ch. 382).

Speaking of little moments, this one in particular during the Tartaros arc was one of my favorites. I’m a sucker for the ‘trying to reach out to someone’s hand, being so close, and failing’ trope. I always wanted NaLu to have a moment like this, and I was so happy when I got it. And what can I say about the scene in itself, I mean, Natsu and Lucy constantly get separated during arcs, only to find their way back to each other; even so, it was kind of heartbreaking to see them being separated this time. They didn’t know what was going to happen to them at the moment, yet they still tried to reach for each other, to make sure each other was safe. To make sure that whatever happened, they’d be together. And it broke my heart when they couldn’t do it, and both got blasted away. Tartaros was just A-MA-ZING with the feels, but that’s for another post.

19. “I’ll be lonely” (ch. 416).

A.k.a. Natsu leaves for an entire year without Lucy, and I become a crying mess just like she did. I mean, I’m not juding Natsu’s decision to leave; in fact, I think that’s something he needed to do, especially after everything that happened (and the people he lost, Igneel, Future Lucy). Do I think he could’ve taken Lucy with him, yes. But would that emotionally impact the story as much as Mashima intended to, no. I also think this separation was something necessary for Lucy as well, and I say this as a huge Lucy fan; I really think this year away from Natsu and everyone else helped Lucy grow up emotionally, as a person, even more so than before. I can’t say for sure that these two are in love (Mashima has yet to confirm it), but I can say that Lucy relied on Natsu’s presence a LOT; and I don’t mean strength wise as in to protect her, I mean emotionally wise. He and Happy had always been with her, through thick and thin, no matter what. He became her person, her comfort; she’d always complain on how these two would break into her house, yet she found a comfort in it. She wouldn’t be alone as long as they were with her. And just like that, that inssurance was taken away from her, and there was nothing she could do about it. For an entire year (who knows, maybe she thought they wouldn’t come back at all), there’d be no more breaking in, no more “unwanted” presence in her house, no more coming home to someone, no more comfort at nights, no more reassuring smiles that she grew to love. I think Lucy realized that, and I’m pretty sure at that moment her heart broke.

18. “Let’s save the tears for when we win” (ch. 272).

There’s been like 100 analysis of this scene, so I’m not going to make another. I’m just gonna say why I love this moment so much: after losing unfairly, because Lucy knew she should’ve won, we see her crying on the floor, because she wanted to bring pride to her guild, and she couldn’t. Anyone of the guild could’ve gone there to comfort her; just like anyone could’ve just let her get up and walk away by herself. Instead, Natsu, the person who’s been by her side through pretty much everything ‘till then, goes there to pick her up and give her comfort again. He smiles at her, tells her she was amazing, lets her know how proud he’s of her even though she lost. That in itself is beautiful, because like I pointed out, he didn’t have to do that for her, he could’ve asked someone else to pick her up. Yet he went there, and reassured her that it wasn’t the end no pun intended. And when she says “I’m all fired up”, it’s just so gorgeous, she’s crying, she’s sad and she’s shaking, but she believes Natsu SO much, that he gives her the strength to lift her head up and go on. Honestly, the thing this ship does to me...

17. “You’re Lucy from Fairy Tail” (ch. 51).

can u already by now that i’m a sucker for the NaLu moments where Natsu comforts Lucy. This is a moment from earlier on in the series, where Natsu and Lucy were already a team, but they were still getting used to each other. They weren’t each other’s most precious people (along with Happy) back then, but they were slowly getting closer. The Phantom Lord arc, which is an arc with heavy focus on Lucy, was one of the best arcs ever, and it also sends a nice message about finding your own self, your real identity. Lucy was having a moment where she wanted to stay with her guild, she wanted to stay with the people who gave her a home and a family; something her father was trying to take away from her, by hurting the people she loved, and that wasn’t something she wanted. So Lucy considers coming back to her house. Everybody else is like “don’t say that”, but Natsu, instead of doing the same, reminds her that she’s not Lucky Lucy Heartfilia anymore. He reminds her that she already has a home, and that’s where she needs to stay, instead of going back to a place she doesn’t belong to. I love this moment a lot, because it really helped to shape Lucy into the person she is today. It made her realize that she deserved better, she deserved to be somewhere people loved her and accepted her. It was also great for developing the NaLu friendship/relationship, which, like I said, was rocky at first, but it’s moments like these that helped turn them into the ship we love so much today.

16. “Lucy!” (ch. 489).

It’s just a little moment, it’s just a panel; yet, it brought so much joy and fangirling to me. Natsu didn’t even hesitate; he knew something bad was going to happen, so he jumped at Lucy and grabbed her, to protect her. Mest was there (heck, even Happy was there), and she’s the only one he holds onto, ready to protect with his body if necessary. To me that’s a really meaningful moment, because Natsu’s already lost so many special people (Igneel, Future Lucy, Lisanna too, even though she came back), and through this entire time, he’s become so attached to Lucy, that he’s terrified of losing her. Just the bare thought of it is enough to trigger him, as we saw in this panel. Especially after Future Lucy’s death, I believe Natsu’s become 100 times more protective of Lucy, and that’s really cute and so important.

[championdemonhunter]

Champion Hunter

Prologue

It’s funny, if you think about it. A kingdom set aside in peace, but stuck in time and delusion. You’d think that after a war that no one remembers, people would start to notice that nothing changes. I suppose that’s the point, aye? No one is supposed to remember, yet, here I am telling you. Breathing and very much alive to tell you the story.

In times like these, we were a kingdom of prosperity, faith, and belief. Believing in a faith, religion, for a kingdom to prosper and in that very narrow mindset, we were blindsided by fate. The Heavens had different plans or someone with very little patience. You’d think that deities would have learned a thing or two about the virtue, but you’d only be proven wrong.

I could tell you that this kingdom, my kingdom, is all gold and glory, set in pride and joy. Storytellers don’t tell you about the things in the dark, the thieves that run the streets and the assassins hiding in the shadows of the alleyways. No. They tell you about the parades, masquerades, the compadres of other territories. Those, my dear, are fairytales. This story, however, is nothing of the sort.

No, this is a story of war. A story of a kingdom cursed, of magic and dragons. Of fate and everything to evade her path. This is a story about a woman rising above every strife that destiny and every deity that is against her. First, we have to get back there…

The Beginning

Kasmira watched as the demon’s body dropped to the ground with a thud, it’s body still flickering with a luminescent black and silver. She slipped her engraved, silver plated double barrel pistol into its holster as she strode silently to the warehouse door. Common and maybe a little too common. She huffed, shaking her head at the thought. Demons always went to the same place in hordes, thinking that they wouldn’t be found. Dark, damp, musty warehouses that end up reeking of sulfur. She briskly opened the metal door, freeing her lungs of the stench and embracing the fresh air.

Kasmira tilted her head up towards the setting sun, letting the warmth bask on her skin. Kasmira de Russo, a young woman with charcoal gray hair that was tinted with lavender. Steel gray eyes rested upon high cheekbones. Freckles dusted across her cheeks and nose, almost unnoticeable against her tanned skin. Her profile was slender and bold, her jaw sloping and sharp. She was of average height, with a petite form and curvy in all the right places.

Stretching, she pulled out her phone. Heading for her car, Kasmira sent a quick message to her father. Roaring the engine to life of her classic machine, she sped down the dirt road, dust billowing behind her. It would take her no time to get home. The manor, a three story building that housed their family, always a safe place when things had gone wrong, or right, depending on what kind of situation it was. The manor harbored their puzzle-pieced-together family for years now. In the beginning, they were broken somehow and in some way. With patience, their bond had strengthened in time.

An hour later and just about home, Kasmira’s phone rang of an incoming call. She looked down to the illuminated screen, grinning criminally, answering the call.

“Mistress E’s whore house.” She greeted sarcastically. “You got the dough, we got the hoe. How may I be of service?”

“Yeah, I need two hoes on the double, smartass.” Ian chuckled gruffly, adjusting his phone between his head and ear. “What’re you up to?”

“Heading back home. I just completed a mission. How about yourself?” She answered briefly, rolling her eyes. She placed her phone in her lap momentarily as she made the turn into the driveway of her home.

“Just got off work. You want to hang out and go to the bar?”

“Depends. Am I helping you home after again?” She sassed, a small smile crossing her features.

“Or do you mean, are you paying again?” He countered. “No, I’m buying. Dinner also.” He added with a laugh, static crackling between his words.

“Promise?”

“You got it, beautiful. I’ll see you in an hour.” Ian announced jubilantly before hanging up the phone. Kasmira placed her phone in the passenger seat, as she parked her car in the garage, cutting the engine.

Vasilisa Faye, a petite and curvy woman, with hip length silver hair. Dark lashes framed bright blue eyes that rested on high cheekbones. Her jaw was sharp and sloped only slightly. She became a part of the de Russo family years ago when Kasmira and Mihaita, her father, found her in an abandoned alleyway. She talked amiably with Nessarose as they made their way up the steps of the front porch.

Nessarose Thristle, a short and lean woman, with intense dark brown hair that framed her delicate profile and curled around her shoulder blades. Slate gray eyes rested upon soft cheekbones, their color vibrant and inviting. For years, she was shy before she let anyone in. On the other hand, she could be spontaneous when she wanted to be.

“Have you heard from Kasmira today?” Nessarose inquired hopefully, shrugging off her denim jacket as they entered the front door.

“Not recently,” Vasilisa shrugged apathetically, slipping off her boots and dropping her bag to the floor. She slid her fitted, black leather jacket from her form and hung it on the coat rack. “She might be busy.” She glanced over to Nessarose, who was toeing off her vans. “Do you think Mihaita would really marry her off to some other demon hunting clan?”

“Who knows. He is our Teyrn. We can’t really stop him from this decision. I mean, I know he doesn’t have any other direct heirs, beside Kasmira.” Nessarose tilted her head to the side. “I just don’t get it. I mean, their family is what started the demon hunting business. It’s in their blood. So, why send her off?”

“You’re asking questions to someone who knows nothing other than killing, eating and drinking.” Vasilisa said noncommittally, meandering into the living room. Nessarose sighed, rolling her eyes in exasperation as she followed. “Speaking of drinking, you want to go to the bar later?”

“Yeah, we might as well.” She grunted, grabbing a glass and filling it with water. “Call Em. I’m going to get a shower.”

“Will do.” Vasilisa mumbled, pulling her phone out and dialing Kasmira’s phone number. After a few moments of ringing, the customized voicemail played.

‘You’ve reached Kasmira de Russo. Leave your name, number and reason for disturbing me at the beep.’ The voicemail relayed with a bored tone, a beep following directly after.

“Hey, meet us at the bar. That is, if you aren’t already there.” Quickly hanging up her phone and sliding it into her back pocket, she headed for the stairs.

“My Teyrn, I don’t understand why she has to go away! She’s your only direct heir and your only child left in your bloodline. I know you have your step-children, aside from them, they couldn’t run the clan.” Silviu pleaded, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “Who knows what could happen if one of them took over, they could banish her. Or worse.” He trailed off, looking to the Teyrn and meeting his unrevealing gaze.

“I know this, but we need this Peace Treaty with the Red Feather Clan.” Mihaita snapped, running a tired hand down his mysteriously never aging face. Mihaita de Russo, a man with sharp features and a bold profile. His deep gray eyes rested upon high cheekbones that had been dusted with freckles along with his nose. He had broad shoulders, a toned chest and abdomen that led down to learn hips. His hair was mused messily on the top, while the sides and back were cropped close to his head, the charcoal gray and lavender color shining in the light of the setting sun.

“She’s the true heir and you know that. So why send her away?” Silviu countered fiercely, sitting down in a chair that was placed in front of Teyrn's desk.

“For more reasons than one. One day you’ll understand.”

The bar buzzed with alcohol, upbeat music and chemistry between the patrons. Vasilisa and Nessarose sat in a corner booth waiting for Kasmira and Ian to arrive. They chatted about the upcoming hunt, worries of the mission going sideways, and how long they’ll be gone this time. Vasilisa picked up her shot of cinnamon whiskey and downed it in a heartbeat, letting the smooth, burning sensation soothe her throat and warm her chest.

Kasmira walked through the door, quickly spotting her friends. “Hey, guys!”

She smiled brightly, sliding in next to Vasilisa. Nessarose moved around more into the curve of the booth, Ian sitting across from Kasmira. “What’re you guys drinking?”

“Whiskey and beer.” Nessarose chuckled lowly, tipping back her bottle. “So, you ready for this job?”

“Yeah, it’ll be good to get away. Even though it’s business. Maybe we can hit up a bar after.” She shrugged, waving to the bartender as she gestured for more shots and beer. “Where is this hunt going to be?”

She queried as she focused back on the women. Vasilisa held up a finger, quickly downing another shot before she answered. “Daeprada. Some Teyrn got rather stupid and sold his soul to the King of Hell, I guess. Now, we have to go take him down and a few demons. See if there’s anything we can do to save the clan.”

“Are you sure you want to take this one, Vasilisa?” Kasmira drawled out slowly, her brows furrowed in concern.

“Yeah,” She scoffed. “As long as we take that asshole down, the world will be a better place.” She said, smiling sadistically.

“Good to hear. When do we leave?” She inquired, smiling as the waitress sauntered over with another round of drinks.

“Tomorrow.” Nessarose chimed briskly. Kasmira glanced to Ian sympathetically, tilting a faint smile at him.

“I don’t think I could be mad with that face.” He chuckled, throwing back a shot.

“Damn straight. She’s sexy as hell,” A voice called out, a rugged man who had overheard Ian as he started passing by their table. Kasmira felt his hand rest on her shoulder, gripping slightly. “Maybe you’d like to go to my place?”

“Maybe you’d like to remove your hand before I rip it off and shove it down your throat?” Kasmira growled, casting her gaze to the table, sliding a threatening stare around to her friends.

“I’d like to see you try, Princess.” The group looked between Kasmira and the man, mumbling between themselves. Kasmira shot out of her seat, grasping the man’s arm and twisting it behind his back, slamming his head into the table. The action was instantaneous, that if you blinked, you would have missed it.

“Look here, you drunk, sick fuck. Do not touch me again. Or so help me, God,” She leaned down, whispering threateningly in his ear. “I will tear you apart, limb from limb, and then hang you with your own entrails if you ever put your hands on another woman. Especially if she doesn’t want your touch.” The man tried to get up, but she shoved him back into the table, glasses clicking and clattering, tipping over from the motion. “And if you ever come near me or my friends again, the first thing I’m cutting off is a very special place. Then I’m going to shove it up your ass. Got it?” She snarled in a low, threatening voice. The man quickly nodded, whimpering and squirmed out of her grip.

He turned back to her, looking straight in her eyes. “You might be a hot piece of ass, but you’re a bitch!”

Without warning, Kasmira dealt a right uppercut and knocked the burly man on his backside. “You should watch your mouth.”

She stepped over the man, heading out the door. Vasilisa, Nessarose, and Ian followed behind, hopping into their vehicles and headed back to the manor. The bartender watched the door shut, then peered down to the man on the bar floor, shaking his head as he picked up the phone, quickly dialing a number.

Silviu cleared his throat, “Sir, we just got word that Kasmira got into another fight at a bar in town.”

He informed as he stepped into the open doorway to Mihaita’ study. He peered up from the papers on his desk, intrigued. “What happened this time?”

“He laid a hand on her first. She gave him a warning. He didn’t listen. So, I’m guessing self defense.” He coolly replied, a trace of a proud smile hinting at his lips.

“What am I going to do with her?” Mihaita laughed huskily, shaking his head.

“Keep her here and not send her away.” Silviu stated hopefully, nearly joking. “She’s our best hunter and fighter. She’s intelligent. She has a good head on her shoulders.”

The Teyrn sighed, looking at the picture of Kasmira and himself on the mantle. “I know.”

“Come back. Come back.”

Kasmira tossed and turned, sweat beading on her forehead.

“Calatryx! Damn it! Come back!” A man no older than his twenties, yelled pleadingly. A crashing tower sounded behind him, his deep violet eyes filled with panic and fear choked him as he saw the castle covered in roaring flames.

Kasmira jerked, rolling back to the other side of her bed as the dream and whispers continued.

“Damn it, Cal.” The man said hopelessly. “Don’t let this be the end. Just come back.” He dropped to his knees, a white light washing over the scene. He covered his eyes as the light became blinding. When it died down, the man looked before him, his eyes landing on a woman cloaked in white. Her dark silver hair cascaded down the front of her cloak, opposite colored eyes framed with a wolf masquerade mask.

“Do not worry child, times of old are coming. This world will be in shambles before your very eyes. This is just the beginning of the call.”

Kasmira rolled onto her stomach, kicking the covers from her body, groaning.

“Who do you think you are, telling me to watch the world burn?!” The man growled. “You got some nerve, lady.”

He jumped from his position on the ground, readying himself for battle, black smoke billowing around his legs. The woman glanced at him briefly as she turned away, a small smile caressing her lips. She casted out a healing light over him as she conjured shadow spirit wolves before her to scout the area. They howled and snarled, froth foaming around their teeth as they set out to find their targets.

“Do not fear. With careful steps and a keen mind, a kingdom shall rise, between gore and glory, it’s Heavens high and a deity’s game.”

Kasmira sat up, startled from her sleep as the dream ended in a blinding light. Her body had been covered in a sheen of cold sweat. She inhaled sharply as her eyes adjusted to the dark of her room. Sighing in relief as she saw no one in sight, she fell back into her pillows. She turned her slate gray gaze to the double balcony doors, listening to the creatures of the night sing their songs. Her mind raced, contemplating about the dream that filled her mind. What was it, a warning or a calling? Kasmira ran an aggravated hand down her appearance, then tossed back the duvet. Swinging her feet off the side of her queen sized bed, she stood and adjusted her dark gray sweatpants and black, tight fighting tank top.

Opening the balcony doors, she stepped into the cool night air. Turning her gaze toward the sky, she admired the high moon and the stars that decorated the dark blue canvas. Kasmira exhaled heavily, slowly as she turned her gaze to the yard and surrounding forest. She spotted Mihaita standing out in the yard, leaning against the outside of the gazebo and smoking a cigarette. She smiled ruefully to herself, then let out a sparrow call.

Mihaita snapped his attention up to Kasmira’s balcony, his eyes wide like a deer caught in the headlights. He smiled shamefully, flicking the butt of his cigarette to the treeline. He sauntered over to the back porch and hoisted himself onto the banister. He grabbed the edge of the roof and pulled himself up, walking across swiftly. He grabbed the ledge of Kasmira’s balcony and pulled himself up once more, dropping into the lounge chair.

“I’m pretty sure you were asleep, Little One.” He snickered, opening his arms as she crawled into his lap and rested her head on his shoulder. Mihaita carded his fingers through her gray locks soothingly, then kissed her forehead.

“I’m pretty sure you had quit smoking, too.” She retorted, smiling deviously. He gasped playfully, laying a hand on his chest.

“Me? Smoke?” He exclaimed, pretending to be aloof. “I would never pick up that bad habit again.”

He laughed almost guiltily as he reached for the open pack on the outdoor coffee table. Kasmira rolled her eyes, snatching the pack from him and handed him one as she sat up. She lit her own, taking a drag, then lighting her fathers. “Says the one that smells of menthol.”

She jested dryly. She leaned over to the patio table, dropping the pack of cigarettes and lighter upon it. Her gaze seemingly went everywhere and nowhere, her mind spacing out. Mihaita took a drag, watching her, then released the sweet menthol smoke. “Kasmira?”

Blinking, she turned to meet his worried gaze, perking up an eyebrow questioningly. Mihaita scowled, frown lines framing his mouth. “Why are you up?”

“I guess it was just a dream.” She spoke lightly, releasing the smoke that filled her lungs. “I’m not quite sure.”

“Talk to me about it.” Mihaita prompted, wrapping his free arm around her waist. Silence prevailed after his words as she gathered her thoughts, her eyes darting from the gazebo to the pond.

“You might think I’m crazy, if I tell you.” She chuckled softly. Kasmira turned her gaze finally to her father, who glanced at her with a reassuring expression.

“The only way I would think you’re crazy, is if you didn’t believe in demons and the whole things that go bump in the night thing.” He laughed rustically, an amused grin on his features.

“Oh, so being a completely normal human being is crazy. But being a demon hunter is totally fine.” Kasmira retorted lightly, bemused, as she took another drag from her cigarette.

“That about sums it up, yeah.” He chuckled, the sound rustic and velvety. Kasmira sighed, taking another drag from her cigarette before she spoke again.

“I’m not exactly sure what it was about. This dream,``she muttered disdainfully. Her gaze became distant as she thought back to the voice and the faces etched into her mind. An ever-so-slight breeze blew, chilling her skin slightly, her hair rustling. “These people, I don’t know who they are or who they are to me, but something happened. Something bad. They lost someone.” Kasmira shook her head back and forth before letting her gaze drop to her lap. “He was yelling for her to come back.”

Mihaita furrowed his brow, casting his gaze to the yard as he delved into his thoughts. Could it be? He shook his head, taking another drag before he flicked the cigarette into the yard. “Maybe you are going crazy.”

Kasmira gasped, feigning hurt as she smacked her father’s shoulder playfully. “Dad! You’re no help.”

“I’m kidding!” He laughed lightly, grinning broadly. It fell as he grew serious, “It was a dream. At least, I hope it was. Something on your conscience I need to know about?”

Kasmira tilted her head, a quizzical expression crossing her features as she finished her cigarette and flicked it into the yard below. “Nothing is weighing me down, besides this whole thing with the peace treaty.”

Mihaita pulled his daughter back into him, holding her against his chest. “Everything will go as planned. I promise.”

“It’s just the beginning.” Kasmira replied softly, nuzzling her face into his neck. “I know.”

Vasilisa staggered into the kitchen, eyes half open and her silver hair messed up from sleep. Her groggy gaze slowly meandered through the room, noticing Mihaita cooking breakfast and a full pot of coffee ready for its first patron. She smiled softly, swaying momentarily as she continued on her way to the coffee pot.

Mihaita turned at the sound of the cabinet opening to see Vasilisa reaching for the mug on the second shelf. When her fingertips could barely just graze the black mug she wanted, he laughed rustically and sauntered over to her.

“Who’s the asshole that put the mug on the second shelf?” She grumbled, her voice conveying nothing but annoyance. Mihaita grinned smugly, brows raised as he shrugged. Vasilisa gave him a flat glare as he handed her the cup. “You. You’re an asshole. Just remember, I will put lead in your ass if you ever get in the way of me and my coffee.”

Mihaita laughed darkly. “You won’t. You’d feel too sorry afterwards.”

“Feel sorry for what?” Kasmira called out sleepily from the doorway, rubbing her eyes. “Whatever it is, I approve. Do it.”

“What is this?!” He commented, appalled. “Gang up on dad day?”

“Aye.” Nessarose muttered, yawning. “I’ll get the rope and we can torture him with sappy love songs and romance movies until his ears and eyes bleed.”

Mihaita looked to her, a befuddled expression etched into his features. “It’s like you’re all on the same sadistic cycle.”

Kasmira gave him a detached grin, climbing onto the counter to grab a mug. “We all have one thing and one thing only on the mind first thing in the morning.”

[chevd-blog]

‘Cause I Fell on Black Days.

I want to discuss a very serious subject matter today, one that I feel is still very poorly understood in the public discourse, at least in the United States. This is a subject matter that is very intensely personal for me. Admittedly, I am nervous as I type these words. I wonder how you, the reader, will react. Will you judge me unfairly? Will you be sympathetic? If you've never been where I have, or felt what I've felt, part of me wonders if it's even possible for you to grasp what it's really like. But then, I realize, I have to try. Even if it's ultimately a futile pursuit, it's my responsibility, as an artist, to try to make you understand.

Today, I want to talk about depression.

I feel the dialogue on this subject has slowly been improving over the past few decades. There was a time, I know, when the subject of mental illness really wasn't discussed at all, and I'm glad that we can at least now conceptualize an in-depth conversation about it. But it's still not enough. I know depression can be difficult to talk about in concrete terms, partly because it's a very emotionally charged and unpleasant topic, but also partly because, to so many people, it still seems invisible, in a way that other disorders or maladies are not. But I am here to argue that it is not nearly as inconspicuous as it seems, and that it needs to be taken seriously.

On Wednesday, of course, the world lost a true legend of music when Chris Cornell, the lead singer for Soundgarden and Audioslave, died in his hotel room after a show in Detroit. He was 52 years old. The news hit me like an atomic blast. I was absolutely devastated. For me, it was every bit as much of a loss as Freddie Mercury or David Bowie. I mean, Soundgarden was a big part of my adolescence. I got my copy of Superunknown around the time I was 15 or 16, and to this day, it remains one of my all-time favorite albums. I was lucky enough to see Cornell in concert at Lollapalooza '03 in Atlanta, when Audioslave was one of that year's two big headliners (the other being Jane's Addiction). I got badly sunburned, and then, by the end of the concert, completely soaked by a sudden storm that had appeared while Jane's Addiction was setting up. But even despite all of that, it was one of the greatest concerts I've ever attended, and a large part of that is due to me getting to see Cornell performing live. His voice was unearthly, in a way that can never, ever be replaced.

So imagine how I felt when I learned that his death had been ruled a suicide. It was like Robin Williams, all over again.

And I know, it's not really a unique perspective, by any means-- but I do feel like my personal proximity to this phenomenon obliges me to speak. Since Cornell's death, I have heard the question posed-- the same question that crops up whenever something like this happens: "Why?" Why would he kill himself? He was famous, he was successful, he had a family and friends and bandmates and legions of adoring fans, among which I count myself. By all metrics, or at least by all of the ones we value in the West, he should have had a strong will to live. And then, of course, there's the inevitable accusations of selfishness, because how could he abandon everybody who cared about him, and throw everything away like that?

But it's not that simple. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.

For anyone who might not be aware, I have myself suffered from depression for much of my life. It first surfaced in a clinical capacity when I was 18, around the time I began my first year of college. Even though it took that long to manifest as this thing we call 'depression', I contend that its roots extend all the way back to my childhood. I didn't have a happy childhood. My parents were always quite supportive of me, but where I grew up, there really weren't too many others who were. I spent my childhood in an extremely socially conservative region (northern Georgia, in smalltown suburbs a few hours from Atlanta). I was smart in an area where athleticism was the most important thing. I was agnostic in an area where everybody was strongly Christian. I was a northern transplant in an area where people still felt raw about losing the Civil War. So, I didn't have many friends.

To my dismay, that didn't change very much when I went to college in Florida. I thought that going to an art school would result in me having more in common with others, and being able to form better social circles. Instead, I still felt like an outsider. That first year, living with two roommates who both came from the same place and already knew each other, I very frequently felt like a third wheel, and ended up confined to my bedroom most of the time while my roommates had friends over, just because I really didn't feel like they wanted me around. It was in that climate-- having had an actively hostile childhood, and not receiving the relief and social support I so desperately needed at college-- that my depression was properly formed.

The type that I experience is called dysthymia, or neurotic depression. It's a bit milder than standard clinical depression, but lingers much longer, too. In my case, it's a life sentence. I've come to terms with that. I know how it goes-- I'll be fine for a few months, and then BAM! Something will trigger me, and I'll sink into it for a few hours or days, before rebounding. A trigger doesn't have to be a big thing; it could be something as small as somebody saying the wrong thing to me, or something insignificant not working out the way I had hoped. I don't take antidepressants, because I have decided that I am not comfortable with altering my brain chemistry and potentially experiencing unwanted side effects. The reason I mention all of this is because one reason depression is such an elusive subject is that it is a different experience for everyone who has it. I can only really speak from my own experience.

When it first occurred, it came in waves of intense despair which lasted hours, days, even weeks. All my energy, all my vitality, was drained. All the joy, all the color, was sucked out of life. I became trapped in a seemingly endless spiral downward, to a place in my head where daylight and reason could not permeate-- to a lonely place where I became convinced that there must be something wrong with me, because nobody seemed to appreciate my company. Maybe... maybe this was a sign, that I didn't deserve to exist.

I hesitate to talk about this here, because I fear that others could interpret this incorrectly, and think I desperately need help. But I ask you to bear with me, and understand that I have grown much more accustomed to my depression, and I have a much better feeling for when I legitimately need help and when it would actually be detrimental to me. I don't want authorities called on me, or anybody to worry needlessly over what I have to say next. That said, here goes:

I have had thoughts about suicide myself, many, many times, and if I'm going to be honest, I probably will again, eventually.

It's difficult to explain to people what goes on in my head. I don’t make such an admission as a cry for help, because I can honestly say my own depression is lessening as I age. I don’t experience bouts as severely or frequently as I used to, and they are much more manageable for me now. I have grown and matured, and stabilized much more than when I was 18 or 20, or even 25. I don't truly consider myself in mortal danger anymore, because when I experience an onset of depression, it's now like a rote routine that I know how to navigate. For me, there is a line between thought and action that I will not cross. The thought crosses my mind, but I can hold myself in check. First of all, I'm squeamish about the thought of actually going through with it, even in my deepest lows. Secondly, I have loved ones who do care, and I have weathered my depression long enough that I have gradually gained the ability to force myself to consider them. Thinking of suicide is nothing but a kneejerk reaction for me now, a temporary coping mechanism when I don't have the mental resources to cope in any other way.

Doesn't mean it's pleasant, of course. Depression isn't just a mood-- it's a period of vulnerability. It's a delusion of futility. It's a catastrophic cascading system failure in the person's operating system. It's a cycle of negative emotion running roughshod over everything else-- logic, reason, and in many cases, positive emotional attachments to others. All those things Cornell had going for him-- fame, success, loved ones, a promising future-- they become reduced to background whispers, while the darkness is shouting through a megaphone. I always bristle when I see someone who hasn't experienced suicidal ideation firsthand claiming that it's selfish, because that's not really the right word for it. You don't know what it's like. Ego has nothing to do with it (save for, perhaps, not being present enough). In general, it's more like being involuntarily intoxicated-- your perception becomes skewed and impaired, to the point where you have difficulty making accurate judgments. For me, it's a subconscious monologue, making me feel worthless, like I'll always be alone and unloved, even though I know it's completely untrue. Some people experience anhedonia-- a clinical inability to feel happy. Some experience an unshakable all-encompassing grey fog of numbness. I have experienced both of those in the past, too.

But the key, I think, is that depression eats hope. I would even go as far as to call depression a "hope disease", in the same sense that cirrhosis is a liver disease or nephritis is a kidney disease. When you are depressed, hope disappears; you feel like the future is written in stone, and it's going to be bad. Or you feel like there's no hope that your present condition will change, so why bother anymore? That's the reason depression is so dangerous. Hope is important for people to survive; it's a fundamental component of the will to live. But when hope is broken, that will becomes compromised. It isn't that it's impossible to hold onto it-- but it becomes much more of a heavy burden to do so.

And much the same as you wouldn't tell someone with cirrhosis or nephritis to just "get over it", you can't tell somebody with depression to "shake it off" either. It doesn't work like that. Remember, this isn't a mood, it's a system failure. If I had any control over when and how intensely I feel depression, do you really think I would consciously choose to feel so bad that the only thing I can do is crawl into bed in a fetal position and sleep until it's over?

Again, I can't speak for everyone who experiences depression or suicidal thoughts. In some cases, I do think medication is a vitally important component for treatment. Suicide hotlines do important work, as well. Personally, I have found that counseling is the most effective thing for me. But if we're going to tackle this issue, the thing that I feel is of paramount importance first is that we do so from a position which is both educated and compassionate. Our media tends to be sensationalist about... well, everything, really, but mental illness has been particularly caricatured-- as being less of a problem than it is, or being the motivation behind tragic criminal actions such as shootings, or being a sign of serious character flaws like moral bankruptcy. We have to stop putting the stigma of depression on the person experiencing it. Who I am when I am depressed is a separate entity from who I am normally. It's like somebody else is in the cockpit, somebody that I only vaguely recognize. Take it from someone who knows, because he's felt it-- when depression is trivialized, or stigmatized, or treated as an inconvenience, or misinterpreted as just someone being self-absorbed, not only are we completely ignoring the building on fire, we're actually dumping gasoline on it. Be observant. Reach out to others who seem isolated or sullen, but respect their wishes if they want to be alone. If you've got loved ones who experience depression, take an interest in it, and ask them about it sometime when they aren't mired in it. Give them a nonjudgmental space to speak freely about it. If you suspect somebody you care about is in the grips of depression, the best thing you can do is to ask what he or she needs. If the person needs support, try to be supportive, or help find someone who can be. If the person needs space, give them space. And in any case, please, I urge you, BE PATIENT. Keep in mind, no one chooses depression-- it chooses us.

[easyweight101]

NeuroFuzion Review: Don’t Buy Before You Read This!

What is it?

NeuroFuzion is a herbal supplement used to improve mental clarity and memory. This supplement calls itself a nutritional support for your brain, which helps lower stress, improve mood, and reduce anxiety with use.

NeuroFuzion is formulated from all vegan ingredients, and is marketed as a natural alternative to anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication. Though NeuroFuzion provides a sense of calm to users, this formula does not cause a reduction in brain energy levels.

Through looking at many different brain boosters, we’ve learned Memotenz most effectively offers boosted memory, focus and learning potential through a unique blend of herbal ingredients. Read more about the formulation and full benefits of Memotenz right here.

Do You Know the Best Brain Enhancement Supplements of 2017?

NeuroFuzion Ingredients and Side Effects

The NeuroFuzion website has provided a list of ingredients used to make this product. Here’s a quick glimpse as to what you can expect to find within the formulation:

Lithium Zinc Rhodiola Rosea Bacopa Monnieri Mucuna Pruriens St. John’s Wort Saffron Extract Passionflower

Lithium: An element present in very small amounts in all rocks, lithium is used to treat a number of mental illnesses from bipolar disorder to depression, schizophrenia and eating disorders. Lithium may also have an effect on ADHD.

Side effects may include tremors, frequent urination, diarrhea, dizziness, thirst, fatigue and a dazed feeling.

Mucuna Pruriens: An ingredient also known as velvet bean, mucuna pruriens contains a substance known as L-DOPA, a precursor to dopamine, which could help with conditions like Parkinson’s disease or mood disorders.

Side effects may include racing heartbeat, vomiting, trouble sleeping, confusion, hallucinations, agitation and delusions.

St. John’s Wort: An herbal ingredient thought to help naturally treat depression.

Zinc: An essential mineral found in a number of foods, zinc is key in promoting healthy immune function, wound healing, thyroid function and more.

Saffron Extract: Though more commonly used as a spice, saffron extract is used for a variety of medicinal purposes like asthma, cough, depression, Alzheimer’s disease and insomnia.

Rhodiola Rosea: A plant used to improve symptoms of depression, as well as strengthening the immune system and boosting recovery after a long workout.

Bacopa Monnieri: A plant used in Ayurveda, bacopa monnieri may be useful in treating Alzheimer’s disease and boosting memory and cognition. It may also be used to protect the brain cells from damage caused by dementia and other conditions.

Passionflower: An herbal remedy for a number of conditions like anxiety, sleep deprivation, depression, inflammation and ADHD.

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EDITOR’S TIP: Combine this product with a proven brain enhancement supplement such as Memotenz for better results.

NeuroFuzion Quality of Ingredients

In looking over the NeuroFuzion formula, it’s clear this product contains some ingredients like lithium and St. John’s Wort, which have been known to improve signs of depression with use.

Mucuna pruriens is linked to some negative side effects, like hallucinations, confusion and more, which may be off putting for some consumers.

It’s hard to say whether or not we’d recommend this product to users looking for a brain enhancing supplement.  NeuroFuzion seems to specialize in helping people with mood disorders, like depression or anxiety, but it’s worth mentioning that this supplement not regulated by the FDA (this is the case with most supplements), so using this in place of seeking psychiatric care may be dangerous for people with severe mental conditions.

That’s not to say NeuroFuzion works, or doesn’t, but someone who is severely depressed should seek help immediately, rather than opting to get a natural supplement that may not contain the correct dosage for their specific body chemistry.

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The Price and Quality of NeuroFuzion

NeuroFuzion is sold on the official website for $49.95 per each bottle containing 120 capsules, equivalent to a 60-day supply. This product can also be found on eBay, as well as some smaller online platforms. It looks as though the price remains the same on all channels.

Compared to similar products, users get twice the amount of product for roughly the same price, though we’re not sure how effective this is overall. While NeuroFuzion contains some good ingredients, most users have found this reduces stress and anxiety more effectively than improving thinking and memory, which are the primary benefits advertised on the webpage.

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Business of NeuroFuzion

NeuroFuzion is made by a company known as Global Healing Center, and their contact information is listed below:

Phone: 800-476-0016

Address: 2040 North Loop West, Suite 234 Houston, TX 77018

The Global Healing Center was founded in 1998 by Dr. Edward Group, a doctor specializing in natural medicine. Dr. Group has amassed quite an empire, selling books, supplements and natural medicines on the official Global Healing webpage, as well as on Amazon and a number of other online channels.

While the ingredients used in NeuroFuzion do show some promise for boosting neurological function, there are some negative mentions online regarding Dr. Group, particularly when it comes to his touting of diets that eliminate toxins from the body, and the fact that he is a chiropractor, and not a traditional physician or a trained naturopath.

It’s unclear if Dr. Group’s supplements are the real deal, or if there is some false advertising at play, but people do seem to like these supplements (see reviews below), and the company itself appears to engage in really good customer service practices – they’ve answered all negative reviews on the website, offering a refund to dissatisfied customers, and have an A+ rating with the Better Business Bureau.

In the end, it’s wise to check with your doctor before starting a supplement such as this. We’re all for herbal brain solutions, but it’s wise to do a bit more research before taking Dr. Group at his word.

EDITOR’S TIP: For the best results, our experts recommend using brain enhancement supplements for at least 3 months. Save your money by buying a few bottles at once.

Customer Opinions of NeuroFuzion

Most of the reviews we found for NeuroFuzion were documented on their official webpage, so there may be a little more bias present then, say, on an Amazon review. That being said, while most reviews were positive, the company left a few negative ones up on the website. Here’s a look at what users had to say:

“I noticed a difference after taking this supplement for about a day or so, mood was improved, less anxiety, and so forth. However, the next day, I was extremely thirsty, my tongue was swollen.”

“I like this product a lot, it’s really helped my mood improve, and I feel like I can avoid big pharma. I’d definitely recommend this to a friend.”

“This product just didn’t work for me.  I used as directed, and used the entire bottle. No difference. I’d like to get a refund.”

“I’m 65, and feel like my ability to learn new things as well as stay focused on a task have greatly improved. Will for sure keep using this product.”

It’s hard to know whether the vast majority of users truly loved this product, as most of the reviews we found were either from the website, or linked to the Global Healing site. NeuroFuzion received primarily positive reviews, though one person mentioned that this product gave them some sort of allergic reaction, and it’s not clear which of the ingredients triggered that response.

Based on the above reviews, as well as others we came across in our research, it’s hard to get a good sense of what the typical reaction to NeuroFuzion is. There are quite a few positive reviews, so this may be a promising solution for people who need a boost here and there.

Take a deep dive into the world of natural brain enhancement. Experts share what to look for in a supplement.

Conclusion – Does NeuroFuzion Work?

In looking at NeuroFuzion it seems as though many users really felt this product helped them, especially within the realm of mood disorders like anxiety or depression. While it seemed effective for treating these conditions, at least according to reviewers, there weren’t too many mentions of how this product effectively improves memory, focus and intelligence as advertised.

We found some of the reports about Dr. Group a bit troubling. While some of the supplements on the website are clearly well-reviewed by previous users, and many do contain ingredients proven effective, some of the dietary advice like curing diseases through removing toxins, has yet to be proven.

On the other hand, the website and BBB entry demonstrate that Global Healing Network does practice good customer service, and the site contains more information than the websites of many products competing in this space.

We did have a couple concerns, aside from the fact that this supplement was created by a chiropractor. The first being the fact that this product is being used as an over-the-counter anti-depressant, which if it truly works, that’s a great resource for users, but it’s worrying that some people may forego traditional therapy or prescription medication in favor of trying a natural alternative. While this may be a good solution for users experiencing mild stress, those with severe depression or anxiety should call their doctor as soon as possible.

Additionally, there’s not much evidence that this product is as useful for sharpening the mind, enhancing focus and so on, as the marketing language suggests. For that reason, we’d suggest looking elsewhere for a solution that offers a full range of brain boosting benefits.

Memotenz works best to boost mental performance through its blend of safe and effective ingredients like glutamine, DMAE, bacopa and more. Users can expect to feel smarter and able to recall memories, as well as feel more capable of performing tasks with efficiency.

Memotenz is made in an FDA-approved facility, and has been subject to regular testing and quality control measures, in order to ensure this product works as intended. Get more details about how Memotenz delivers key benefits to the brain.

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