#sometimes my graphic ex-passion pays off

[xmaveria]

An overdue ref for my jaguar oc he’s from the same place as Ocelli

[hangovercurse]

Blind Date

After being single for three months, your friends decide to set you and Colson up on a blind date.

Request: Hey!! Could you do one about the reader and Colson meeting by a blind date? Let your creativity go wild ❤️

Colson x Reader

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: This is a little bit different from how I normally write, so let’s see how this goes.

Word Count: 1916

It’s funny how the universe makes things happen. While some people are having their first kiss, others are taking their last breath. Every moment in time is so intricately woven together, it sometimes seems ironic how things happen.

Like tonight, on two sides of California, two very different people were having the same conversation.

“I’m not sure about this.”

“What if she thinks my tattoos are too much?”

“What if he thinks I’m too weird?”

“What if she hates music?”

“What if he hates art?”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

“I don’t think I can do this.”

Your best friend stared at you from your bed as you paced around the room. “Y/N, you’re going to be fine. You said it yourself, you need to get back out there. Baze says he’s a good guy, and I trust Baze.”

Baze was in a similar situation, laying on the couch as Colson paced around the house. “Colson, dude. It’s gonna be good, she’s gonna like you.”

“I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s not like I’ve never been on a first fuckin date before. I used to do this shit every night.” He sighed, sitting down.

You let out a frustrated groan, “I know. I just feel like after everything in the past few years I feel like I’ve forgotten how to do first dates.”

“You’re gonna be great, just be yourself. And remember, it’s a blind date, so if you guys don’t hit it off or something goes horribly wrong, you never have to see him again.” She smiled as you threw her a playful glare.

“Colson, I love you man, but you have to do this. I don’t think you’ve even looked at a woman who isn’t Ashleigh in like three months.”

The light-haired man sent his friend a glare, “I’m sorry that I was recovering from the worst heartbreak of my life.”

You finally sat down, pulling on your shoes. “Maybe it’s too soon. Maybe I’m not as ready as I thought I was.”

Your friend sighed, sitting up and placing her arms around your shoulders, “It’s been three months since you and T broke up. You grieved, and now you need to move on. You deserve this.”

“Dude, you said you were over her. You are over her. Now you get to find someone else and try to be happy. You deserve this.”

“Maybe don’t bring up your disastrous ex, Y/N.”

“But please, for the love of god, bro, don’t bring up Megan.”

 You entered the small, classy restaurant, your hands shaking slightly. The entire place was dimly lit, with candles scattered around any surface available. You walked to the hostess stand, “Baker for two.” You told her, a small smile gracing your features.

She nodded, leading you through the floor. “He got here not 30 seconds before you did.” She laughed and you blushed a little bit.

You were grateful he wasn’t late, but you were also grateful he wasn’t extremely early , or else you would have felt awful for making him wait.

You were finally brought to a small table in the back of the restaurant to find one of the prettiest men you have ever laid your eyes on. When his eyes met yours, he stood up immediately, a smile on his face. “Y/N?” He asked.

“Colson.” You responded. He pulled your chair out for you, and you felt heat rushing to your cheeks at the kind gesture. None of the guys you had ever dated pulled your chair out for you, especially not your most recent ex.

“Baze told me you were pretty but this is…” He trailed off, seeming a bit lost for words. “You are absolutely gorgeous.”

He was good at this, good at making you nervous, making you blush like a teenager. “Thank you.” You whispered, “I think you are one of the prettiest people I have ever met.” You returned his compliment with one of your own.

The redness in his cheeks made you smile, a bit of pride rising in your chest. “Baze truthfully didn’t tell me much about you.” He started, “so, what do you do?” He was kicking himself for the lame question, but his mind was half occupied with the color of your eyes and he couldn’t form a coherent thought.

“I’m an artist.” You probably didn’t realize it, but Colson could see the slightest bit of a light in your eyes as you spoke about your passion. “I do graphic designing for websites, making logos and designs and such. That’s my day job, at least. I do some painting and sketching on the side, though. Eventually I’d like to be able to make that my whole job, but it is a hard industry.”

Colson nodded in understanding, his eyes holding the same weight as yours when you spoke of your flailing dreams. You wondered how he knew exactly what you were talking about.

Seemingly reading your mind, he answered. “I get that so much. I’m a musician, so I’ve been there. Luckily, I did make it my full-time job, but I remember before I made it, all the stress and struggles. It gets better.”

You smiled, “easy for you to say, aren’t you like, a big Rockstar?”

He chuckled, looking down, “yeah, sort of. But I wasn’t, you know? Like before all this I was dirt poor and the picture of a starving artist. I mean I’m still not like, winning Grammys or shit now, but I’m not there anymore either.”

You nodded, studying him. “I was lucky, I had support through art school and got a job as soon as I graduated. I’ve never had to struggle in that sense. I don’t think I’d be happy staying where I’m at for the rest of my life, but I am definitely in a stable place right now.”

He seemed so interested in what you were saying. Soon the conversation moved into the type of music he made, and then to your art styles. You flowed together easily, never becoming awkward or uncomfortable. As the night went on, your nerves fell away, as did his.

You were talking about your favorite movies when your food arrived, but even then, your conversation continued. At one point, he paused mid-second. “You’ve got something, “ he pointed to his face. “Fuck it, this is gonna be so cheesy.” He grabbed his napkin and wiped the bit of sauce you had on your cheek off.

You blushed in embarrassment, “thanks.” He was right, the moment was very cheesy. His hand pulled away slowly, lingering near your skin a bit longer than necessary. You didn’t mind though.

As much as you hated to admit it, especially since you had only known him for one night, you could be really into him. And that scared the fuck out of you.

Colson was, too, scared shitless. Why the fuck was his heart fluttering every time you giggled. He’d just met you. But already he could tell you were something special.

 He paid for dinner, like a gentleman, even though you protested. “It’s our first date, I am paying.”

You liked the way that he said, “first date,” implying there may be more. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to pay next time.” You said, smugly.

His eyebrow raised in question, a small smirk on his face. “We’ll see about that. I might just give them my card ahead of time.”

“Then I’ll just have to get there before you.”

You two laughed at your small competition as he led you to the parking lot, his hand in yours. “Did you drive?” He asked and you shook your head no.

“I called an uber. Speaking of…” You reached for your phone before he stopped you.

“Let me drive you home. If that’s okay?”

You let him lead you to his car, hand still tightly in his. He pulled the door open for you, guiding you in. Everything with him seemed like a new experience, his gentleman gestures catching you off guard.

“You should play me some of your music.” You told him when he got in. He smiled at that, pulling his phone out and opening his library.

“I don’t know if you’ll like the type of music I make.” He blushed, scrolling through to find a song he thought you might like.

You rolled your eyes, “well I like you so I think, by proxy, I’ll like your music.”

He bit his lip to hide the way his face lit up at your subtle confession. “Just don’t say that I didn’t warn you.”

You heard a somewhat familiar rhythm, something you had probably heard on the radio. “Wait, this is you? I swear I’ve heard this before.”

He smiled, glancing over at you before turning his attention back to the road. “Yeah, me and my friend Matt dropped this right before my last album release.”

You let the music play, listening to his voice as he sang. “You know, this somehow sounds exactly like you and nothing like you at the same time. Like if you hadn’t told me I don’t think I would’ve known this was you. But I do know so I can hear it.”

He chuckled but didn’t say anything, occasionally looking at you as you nodded your head to the music. A few more of his songs played from Tickets to My Downfall and you seemed to enjoy it. “You’re really good.” You commented. Your voice was truthful, you weren’t trying to flatter him, you were just saying what you thought. Your words were genuine.

He didn’t know why but hearing that from you meant so much more to him than he expected it to. He finally parked in front of your house, getting out and opening your door for you. Like a true gentleman, he walked you to your door, pausing before you unlocked it.

You turned to face him, looking up into his bright eyes. “I had a really good time tonight.” He said softly. “Probably the best night I’ve had in a while, honestly.”

You smiled widely, “I did too, Colson.” You grabbed his hands in yours, swinging them slightly. “I’m really glad we did this.”

He nodded, leaning closer to you, “would you, maybe, wanna do this again?” He asked, his voice falling closer to a whisper.

“I was hoping I had made that obvious when I said I’d pay next time.” You giggled, leaning up closer to him.

He rolled his eyes playfully, “just wanna make sure you didn’t change your mind.”

“Trust me, I didn’t.” You whispered, before leaning up and connecting your lips with his.

The kiss was short and sweet, but it seemed like everything you had ever wanted. When your lips left his, you both stayed very close to each other, hands still clasped. His face was still only inches from yours, eyes studying your every feature.

Eventually he let out a small sigh and leaned back up. “Well, uh, goodnight, Y/N.” He smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck as he took steps backwards towards his car. You smiled at him, waving a small goodbye before turning to unlock your door.

Your hand touched the handle before you turned around, finding Colson in the same situation at his car door, still looking at you. “Do you maybe wanna… come in?” You asked, biting your lip. His face lit up, a smirk highlighting his features.

“I would love that.”

[ultravioletqueen]

Nombre completo:jackson cody warren

Alias:jacky,sony,jack-jack, ghost emo

Edad:23(al morir)

Fecha de nacimiento:12 de junio(cancer)

Tipo de sangre:antes B +,ahora ninguna

Ocupación:fantasma musical

Ocupación pasada:compositor de música

Shows/juegos favoritos:accion(fullmetal alchemist, hellboy:dogs of the night)

Comida favorita:helado de mora azul

Instrumento:guitarra,vocales(aunque sabe tocar muchos más instrumentos)

Animal favorito:azulejo

Altura:1,85cm(5,13)

Familia:aliza warrens(madre) stephan warrens (padre)

Arma:ninguna

Habilidades:creación de construcciones, levitación,forma inactiva, posesión de objetos, creación de ilusiones, casi invulnerabilidad, forma humana, creación de hondas de sonido, creación de música hipnotica,electrokinesis, sabotear tecnología.

Personalidad:jackson es un chico reservado, el cual en vida nunca fue muy conversador(rasgo que aún conserva en muerte) debido a que es muy tímido con gente nueva pero cuando se abre es bastante amigable e incluso algo bromista, puede llegar a ser muy sarcástico cuando está en confianza.jackson tiene sus ideas claras y no es nada fácil hacerlo cambiar de opinión,es muy terco y llega a ser obstinado.

Jackson no es muy bueno al entender los sentimientos de la gente que lo rodea, siendo que a veces no es capaz de ver o detectar los sentimientos de los demás además de no tener miedo de ser directo y hasta algo gráfico con sus palabras haciendo que lo lleguen a etiquetar de insensible, pero jackson no tiene malas intenciones y no busca ser de esa manera.

Algo que caracteriza a jackson es su pasión y su creatividad, siendo capaz de crear notas musicales originales y mostrar su amplio conocimiento de los instrumentos que toca, la música formó parte importante de su vida e incluso en su muerte.

Jackson posee una personalidad algo depresiva, pues al no poder vengarse no podría ascender a otra vida, esto causa que de vez en cuando jackson tenga episodios depresivos donde lamenta no poder haber sido más rápido o no poder hablar con sus padres debido a su condición actual. Jackson tenía una buena relación con sus padres y les tiene mucho cariño pese a que ya no puede verlos por el miedo a asustalos.

Un tema que hace enojar a jackson es el de su muerte, siendo que cuando menciona esto llega a tener episodios o flashbacks de ello haciendo que tenga un comportamiento agresivo o que empiece a usar sus poderes a lo loco, cuando éstos episodios terminan jackson se muestra arrepentido y promete que no volverá a pasar.

Apariencia:jackson es un adulto joven palido de pelo negro con una mecha de color índigo/morado, tiene ojos azul oscuro y tiene la piel pálida, normalmente viste una camisa morada con una calavera(cuando estaba vivo tenía una nota musical), una chaqueta azul opaco, pantalones flojos azul oscuro y converse negras, completa su atuendo con su collar que lleva una nota musical.estando muerto sus escleroticas ahora son negras y sus pupilas siguen del mismo color.

Historia:jackson en vida era un aspirante a músico junto a su amigo ryan(el cual fue su amigo de la infancia) y soñaban con ser músicos muy reconocidos e importantes, en una de sus demostraciones conocen a un cazatalentos que les ofreció ser su manager a lo que aceptaron,con el tiempo empezaron a ganar mucha popularidad y ganaban mucho dinero, sin embargo el y ryan antes de uno de sus conciertos tuvieron una discusión muy acalorada,básicamente ryan quería recibir la mayoría de los ingresos y sentía envidia de que jackson fuera más popular, sin que lo notará ryan saboteo la guitarra de jackson y en pleno concierto la guitarra empezó a fallar y jackson sufrió una descarga eléctrica de 500 voltios, matandolo debido a la fuerte descarga y las quemaduras que recibió. Sin embargo no se esperaban que volviera de entre los muertos para buscar a su ex mejor amigo para pagarle con la misma moneda,sin embargo cuando estaba a punto de cumplir su venganza ryan sufrió un accidente letal por conducir ebrio, por lo que jackson perdió su sentido y vago en los bosques durante días, meses, años, hasta que se encontró con la casa de cierto esqueleto.

Trivia

Ryan no tomó responsabilidad de su muerte y siguió siendo músico además de usar las canciones de su difunto amigo para ganar dinero haciéndolas pasar por suyas.

Jackson actualmente vive en la casa de lewis junto con otros fantasmas(mi headcanon es que varios fantasmas se hospedan ahí, como en el fanfic de house of strays) y constantemente toca varias melodías junto a los Deadbeats.

Jackson tiene miedo al agua debido a que cuando era adolescente casi se ahoga al intentar surfear.

Jackson murió en los 2000.

Jackson descubrió su capacidad de hipnotizar cuando tocaba su guitarra y dejó a vivi, Arthur y juliete como zombis embobados, esta habilidad sólo funciona en seres vivos, pero también funciona para calmar a otros espíritus.

Los padres de jackson eran músicos, y estuvieron muy emocionados al saber que su hijo también disfrutará de la música.

Su voz headcanon sería caleb hyles en inglés y bastian cortes en español, ambos youtubers que se dedican a hacer covers.

Jackson padece del síndrome de asperger, una variación del espectro autista.

Su ancla está en su guitarra debido a que murió sosteniendola.

Su canción tema seria killer in the mirror e hypnotize de set it off.

Jackson es de Irlanda.

Full name:jackson cody warrens

Alias:jacky,sony,jack-jack, ghost emo

Age:23(deceased)

D.O.B:june 12(cancer)

Blood type:formely B+, now none

Ocupation:musical ghost

Past ocupation:musical performer

Favorite shows/games:action(fullmetal alchemist, hellboy:dogs of the night)

Favorite food:blueberry ice cream

Instrument:guitar, vocals (although he can play many more instruments)

Favorite animal:bluebird

Height:1,85(5,13)

Family: aliza warrens (mother) stephan warrens (father)

Weapon:none

Skills: Construction Creation, Levitation, Idle Form, Object Possession, Illusion Creation, Near Invulnerability, Human Form, Sound Wave Creation, Hypnotic Music Creation, Electrokinesis, Technology Sabotage.

Personality: Jackson is a reserved boy, who in life was never very talkative (a trait that he still retains in death) because he is very shy with new people but when he opens up he is quite friendly and even somewhat joking, he can be very sarcastic when he is in confidence. Jackson has his ideas clear and it is not at all easy to make him change his mind, he is very stubborn and becomes stubborn.

Jackson is not very good at understanding the feelings of the people around him, being that sometimes he is not able to see or detect the feelings of others in addition to not being afraid to be direct and even something graphic with his words making him They come to be labeled as insensitive, but Jackson has no bad intentions and does not seek to be that way.

Something that characterizes Jackson is his passion and creativity, being able to create original musical notes and show his extensive knowledge of the instruments he plays, music was an important part of his life and even in his death.

Jackson has a somewhat depressive personality, because by not being able to take revenge he could not ascend to another life, this causes that from time to time Jackson has depressive episodes where he regrets not being able to be faster or not being able to talk to his parents due to his current condition . Jackson had a good relationship with his parents and is very fond of them even though he can no longer see them for fear of scaring them.

One issue that makes Jackson angry is his death, being that when he mentions this he has episodes or flashbacks of it causing him to have an aggressive behavior or to start using his powers like crazy, when these episodes end, Jackson shows himself repentant and promises that it will not happen again.

Appearance: Jackson is a pale young adult with black hair with an indigo / purple highlight, has dark blue eyes and has pale skin, usually wears a purple shirt with a skull (when he was alive he had a musical note), a jacket opaque blue, dark blue loose pants and black converse, completes his outfit with his necklace that bears a musical note. being dead his sclera are now black and his pupils remain the same color.

History: Jackson in life was an aspiring musician with his friend Ryan (who was his childhood friend) and they dreamed of being very recognized and important musicians, in one of their demonstrations they meet a talent scout who offered to be their manager to what they accepted, over time they began to gain a lot of popularity and made a lot of money, however he and ryan before one of their concerts had a very heated argument, basically ryan wanted to receive most of the income and was envious that jackson was more popular, without Ryan noticing it sabotaged Jackson's guitar and in full concert the guitar began to fail and Jackson suffered a 500 volt electric shock, killing him due to the strong discharge and burns he received. However, they were not expected to return from the dead to find his former best friend to pay him in the same coin, however when he was about to fulfill his revenge Ryan suffered a fatal accident due to drunk driving, so Jackson lost his felt and wandered in the woods for days, months, years, until he came across the home of a certain skeleton.

Trivia

Ryan did not take responsibility for his death and remained a musician in addition to using his late friend's songs to earn money by passing them off as his own.

Jackson currently lives in Lewis's house along with other ghosts (my headcanon is that various ghosts stay there, as in the house of strays fanfic) and constantly plays various tunes alongside the Deadbeats.

Jackson is afraid of the water because as a teenager he nearly drowned while trying to surf.

Jackson died in the 2000s.

Jackson discovered his ability to hypnotize when he played his guitar and left Vivi, Arthur and Juliete as gawking zombies, this ability only works on living beings, but it also works to calm other spirits.

Jackson's parents were musicians, and they were very excited to learn that their son will enjoy music too.

His headcanon voice would be caleb hyles in English and Bastian Cortes in Spanish, both youtubers who are dedicated to doing covers.

Jackson suffers from Asperger's syndrome, a variation of the autism spectrum.

His anchor is on his guitar because he died holding it.

His theme song would be killer in the mirror and hypnotized from set it off.

Jackson is from Ireland.

[popculturebuffet]

Blog Updates: New Patreon Stretch Goals, Patreon Exclusive Reviews, New Story Arcs and Other Stuff

MHello everyone. For those of you seeing this through other tags my name is Jake. I do reviews on here that are usually full sumaries of an episode of a tv show or comic, with jokes and analsyis throughout. I’m doing this post as i’ve recently revamped by patreon a bit, check out VIA THIS LINK if your curious. I also have some other stuff going on with the blog that I thought might intrest the general public and especially you lovely followers. Thank you guys so much. Your support means a lot and feel free to interact with this post and any of the reviews. it’s always a pleasure. Leave your comments whatever. So let’s start with the patreon stuff

You Decide the Next Patreon Exclusive Review!: 

Yes YOU will decide the Patreon Exclusive review for May. How? It’s simple: i’m currently reviewing the Lilo and Stitch crossover episodes, the first two this week with the American Dragon Jake Long crossover “Morpholomew” done yesterday, the Proud Family episode “Spats” coming later this week, and “Rufus” (Kim Possible) and “Lax” (Recess) coming next week and the week after that respectively. 

As a way to gage intrest in the shows crossed over, and if I should review some of them on their own, i’m going to be watching the notes, and after the first week i’ll record how many a review got. This way the first review dosen’t get an advantage over the last and so on. Whichever episode gets the most votes wins and it’s show will get two reviews: One exclusive to Patreon in may you can check out for just a buck, and one for all of ya in June. So if you want to dragon up, get louder and prouder, check out what the sitch is, or have some recess, keep an eye on my blog and check out the review. Like it reblog, it, both. This is all in your hands. And if this little contest works out I may do another one like it in the future. 

New Patreon Stretch Goals!:

For those unfamiliar with Patreon it’s a site that helps creators like me get paid for their work, used by such luminaries as Linkara, Pushing Up Roses and greatest of all Rifftrax. 

Stretch Goals are an amount of money I get a month from patreons, that’s readers like you paying me. Even a buck a month would help a lot and help me put out a reviews and LIVE off doing this. But it’s a two way street so in order to entice you lovely people into paying me for doing my job and my passion with these reviews, i’ve updated the tiers, adding a wider and better range of rewards. I’m currenntly up to 15 dollars a month, or close enough that i’ve acitivated those rewards. And if you help me hit these tiers EVEYRONE gets PUBLIC, on here, for free reviews. Thanks to my lovely patreons Emma and Kevin you all are getting reviews of the first 5 Ducktales episode, aka Legend of the Golden Suns, with the second coming as soon as I finish this post. Even a buck helps us reach closer and for your dollar you get access to the discord, exclusive reviews, and to pick a short any time I review a bunch of shorts. And with Goofy’s birthday coming up next montha nd Donald’s after that, now is the best time for that. 5 dollar patreons also get one review as month, with 10 dollar ones getting two. You’ve already probably seen some of these: Kev has used one of his a month to have me review a house of mouse episode every month, and newest patreon and longtime friend Emma is using them to have me review the netflix dr. seuss adaptation “Green Eggs and Ham”. So whatever YOU want me to review I will and you’l lhelp unlock even MORE great reviews. So what do you get if you hit the goals? I’m glad you asked. 

We’re up to 15 so next is...

20 Dollar Tier:  Ducktales 87 Season 2 Mini Series!: Yes indeedy. Already on the Docket was the Super Ducktales Arc, which introducices the OG GIZMODUCCCKKKKK. But since that apparenlty wasn’t enough i’ve also added the OTHER mini series. While i’ll do super first since that’s the one with higher fan intrest once tha’ts done i’ll also review Time is Money, the time travel arc bringing in everyone’s faviroite scrappy Bubba. So if you want a buncha cruncha retro Ducktales pony up. But that’s not all the disney afternoon I got for this tier. 

A Darkwing Duck Episode A MOnth: This one has also been promoted every time I could and still stands. If you like that mind behind the shadow disguise, that daring duck of mystery, that champion of right, then you’ll get one review a month about him, as voted on by you patreons. 

Danny Phantom: The Ultimate Enemy: And since neither of these have helped me so far and stepping back into Amity Park made me realize how much I love the series, even if it’s creator is a 80 tons of smug asshole packed into a t-shirt he thinks is cooler than it is. So it only felt right to add  the ghost boy to the tier and the best way to kick that off is with it’s second best, and only barely second behind Reign Storm, episode: The Ultimate Enemy! Danny finds his future is imperfect and must battle his own evil self! If you want my thoughts on one of the series finest hours, then help me hit 20 bucks a month to keep making content. 

25 Dollar Tier: 

I removed the Tail Spin content, though rest assured I will be covering Plunder and Lightning sometime this year. But what I replaced it with is even better. 

One Danny Phantom Review a Month: YOu like teen superheros? you like ghosts? you like me slagigng off about butch hartman and trying to make it crystal clear his creation dosen’t wholly belong to him? Then you’ll like me reviewing Danny Phantom. And while i’m already doing that, this goal gaurantees one episode a month, and said episode will be voted on by my patreons. So if you pay for this you’ll not only get your monthly dose of going ghost.. but you’ll get a chance to PICK what it is. 

Disney Shows To Movies Trilogy : I’ve decided to make it a tradition for my 15 dollar stretch goals to do a bunch of disney movies. And like with my last batch, which you’ll be seeing in may, i’m doing tv shows that got their own movies, theatrical or otherwise. And this time we’re doing MY generatoin: Kim Possible: So The Drama, the best story in the show’s histroy and the best movie in the Disney Channels! Recess: Schools Out! The suprisingly bonkers unsurprisingly awesome finale to an awesome show! and The Proud Family Movie, another UTTERLY BATSHIT finish to a great show.  Lost at Sea and Seconds: This one’s for my scottaholics, fourth part of my Scott Pilgrim retrospective coming this week!. If you like me taking a look at Scott’s quest to punch the fuck out of his girlfriends exes while growing up a little, then if you help me get to the 30 dollar tier, i’ll also take a look at O’Malley’s other graphic novels Lost at Sea, which follows a girl who lost her soul and her boyfriend on a trip with what may be Young Neil’s older sister, and Seconds, the story of a woman with issues growing up who finds the ablitlity to travel through time.. or is it space? And some of you savvier readers my know he has nother comic. Where’s that one? wellllll

30 Dollar Tier:

Snotgirl: I’m saving this one for this tier. Reviews of each collected volume of snotgirl, Bryan’s first ongoing series, all three so far and any more to come about, unsuprisingly, a  hot mess of a person, this time who might’ve done a murder. You know instead of defintely did a murder but in self defnese and with a longsword. 

Gravity Falls Season 1!: One of Disney’s finest finally on this blog. All season 1 episodes reviewed in some way in some shape in some form.  Star Vs Finale Arc!: You’ve heard me bitch about the problems in Tom’s story, and wil lcontinue to. Now see the terrible way everyone elses ends! From an amazing build up to an awful finish, see reviews of Every story relevant season 4 episode from Butterfly Follies to Cleaved that won’t already be covered in my tom retrospective. It’s a road to crushing disapointment, come on inside! 

35 Dollar Tier:  More Disney TV Adaptations!: Doug’s First Movie! See Doug get really fucking weird in his sea monster based movie with a punch line of a name! Teachers Pet, a great movie out of a show I barely saw! Kim Possible Live action! it’s suprisingly okay! and Recess Taking the Fifth: a compliation movie for a season we sadly never got. 

Gravity Falls Season 2: Buillding on the first reward Gravity Falls Reviews will go beyond the first season and finish the job. From zombies, to dipcifica, to ford to weirdmageddon, I’m doin it all. 

40 Dollar Tier: 

Two HUGE Disney Focused Comics Retrospectives! 

Darkwing Duck: In addition to the show, i’ll start reviewing the awesome follow up comic that got me into it. From the start to both finishes: the unathorized crossover finale and the sadly short lived sequel series from joe books, the worst mistake disney ever made that wasn’t racist, before Artemis Fowl said hold my beer. Also the short lived Ducktlaes series because why not. 

The Incredibles!: The Family Dynamic! A comprehensive retrospective featuring reviews of the movie, the Mark Waid followup, the sequel that ignores said followup and the incomparable Christos Gage’s followup to THAT movie. Also that wonderfuly awful failed tv pilot bob made that he and lucius did a mst3k of. 

45 Dollar Tier: 

Disney Flims Lilo and Stitch a Thon: All four lilo and stitch movies, Lilo and Stitch, Lilo and Sitch 2, Stitch and Leroy and Stitch! All the hawaii, aliens and sequels you can handle!

Amphibia Season 1: I’ve done Season 2 as it comes out, i’ll be doing the same for season 3, so help me get here to see the start at least once a month, but two at a time!

50 Dollar Tier: The last one for now. I’ll probably go to 10 dollar tiers after this. 

The Owl House Season 1: While I wait for the second season to start so I can cover it, have me do the rest of season 1! The only exceptions are the already covered Enchanted Grom Fright and the earmarked for pride month wing it like witches!

The Two Loves and 87 Mistakes of Mordecai: A regular show romancetrospective, as we go through the downs, ups, higher ups and crushing lows of Modercai’s romantic arcs from regular show. His crush on margert, making his move, moving on, moving on to cj, and then the horrible cluster fuck I’ve talked about nonstop and will again and again as one of the worst romantic arcs in memory as they shot the relationship in the foot head and groin! Force me to relive it all!

So yeah I’ll add more tiers, again probably 10 dollars apart if I get to 50, but given I barely got to 15 i’m not optimistic. PROVE ME WRONG. HELP ME HIT 50. 

Other Stuff:

Finally outisde of Patreon, that was the main reason for this, I have news on my various arcs. For one thing i’ll be trying to keep the pace better, so expect at least one entry a month for ones i’m doing on my own time like the tom retrospective, life and times and Scott pilgrims. Ones kev does will be done weekly to keep my wallet afloat. 

I also have two more retrospectives incoming! The first is paid for by Kev: I’l lbe tackling ALL THREE SEASON 2 ARCS OF DUCKTALES 2017. After the headache of trying to cram the della arc into three weeks to keep up with the lena one, I decided i’td be better for pacing if I did all three at once and kev agreed to it, if using his patreon reviews to cushion the blows. So starting next month i’ll be covering the Louie, Della and Glomgold/Owlson arcs, swapping between them in episode order. With that I should be FAR closer to having covered every ducktales episode. Granted i’ll still have 17 to cover, but it’ll make that much more managable. 

The second comes in June specifically timed for Pride Month. With Scott Pilgrim Wrapping up in August just in time for the movie’s anniversary, I decided to start covering another one of my faviorite comics of all time. It’s time to transform, roll out and make this precoius it’s Transformers More than Meets the Eye! For those of you unfamiliar it’s an idw comic that follows a rag tag group of transformers, about half of them gay or gay coded, on a mission to find the lost knights of cybertron and bring ballance to a post war cybertron.. which quickly devloves into hyjinnks with a side order of heartrending deaths and charcter development... and references to dexy’s midnight runners. 

So that’s all for now. thank you for reading, please support my patreon as the next pay term is at the start of next month, so if you want me to start on any of those stretch goals, nows the time. Please help me earn a living and until all are one, i’ll see you at the next rainbow. 

[szopenhauer]

What was your last dream about? pamiętam tylko tyle, że M. powinna uważać na jej byłego

Would you like to build/design your own house? yes

Do you have a cherished childhood teddy bear? it’s not really a teddy but yeah

Are you psychic in any way? it seems

Are you a good dancer? meh

Are you a good singer? nooo

Are you a good cook? not the worst

Are you a good artist? maybe

Are you a good listener? try to be 

Are you a good public speaker? but don’t like to 

Are you a good babysitter? might be but hate that

Are you a good dresser? have my own style

Are you a good comedian? I’m funny :P

Are you a good cleaner? not good enough

Are you a good actor? I am

Are you a good writer? just like to write

Do you ever get chills & goosebumps when you listen to music? tell me about it...

What was the last song that had that effect on you? not sure which was last

Do you know what any of your siblings did over the weekend? I don’t care

Was the last book you read a hardback or paperback? paperback

What was the last thing you required the use of a spoon for? I was eating breakfast

The last time you ate something, was it in a bowl or on a plate? neither XD

Can you recall the last time you held hands with someone? I can

What was the last thing that made your heart melt? hmm...

Can you recall the last time you visited a bookshop? not the exact day but yep

Did you purchase anything? I don’t think so

Have you been wearing homemade masks or store-bought ones? both

Do you call yourself stupid a lot? sometimes

Are you listening to music right now? not rn

What is your newest favorite website? aliexpress?

Do you have a headache right now? had before today

What month is your birthday, and what month would u change it to if you could?  February and would like June, July or August that’s why I will spend my name day during summer instead of spring with my sister

Have you ever had to use an epi pen? not yet

Do you know the names of 3 of your neighbors? (list if you can): personal

What was the last grocery store you shopped at?

Do memories from your past come back to haunt you ? frequently

Have you ever seen an angel? or a ghost

Have you ever seen a demon? that time in a mirror?...

What color was the last sweatshirt you wore? grey

What was the last act of creativity you displayed? Vinnie’s tiny bird next to her signature?

Do you ever find yourself just writing/typing out your feelings? my tumblr is full of this shit

Whose house were you at last, besides your own? my current partner’s

Do you like your teeth? not really

Does piano music tend to calm you down? wouldn’t say so

What’s something you need to get done soon? ugh...

Is your best friend awake right now? they are

If I came to your house, could I find any kind of chocolate? ask my mother

Who was the last person to upload a picture with you in it? M.

Do you ever wear sleep masks when you sleep or shower caps when you shower? neither

Don’t tell me lies, so where’s your man? where’s Nat? XD

Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? dad

Has anyone said they love you in the last week? yasss

Have you ever kissed under water? hell no

Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with a M? hahaha

Would you kiss the last person who texted you, on the lips? done and I hopefully will

Camping with a ton of friends or hotel with a few friends? hotel 

Could you go the rest of your life without a cigarette? absolutely

Have you ever wanted something you couldn’t have? like health

How is your boyfriend/girlfriend doing and where are they now? she’s angry, has a flu and she’s working

What was the last topic you read about? DID?

Do you prefer Windows or Mac? Windows

What’s the best amusement park ride you’ve ever been on? I’m not a fan of rides tbh

Would you know how to read a house blueprint? partially?

Do you keep notes on your phone? What sort of things do you write? used to on my old cell

Do you remember much from high school? tought so

Has anyone ever come out to you? yup

What was the last album you listened to in full? Red army choir or Anastasis?

Do you have Disney+? we don’t

Have you ever sent a package or letter to a foreign country? postcards

How many jobs do you have on your resume? 0

Are you comfortable with leaving the house without any makeup on?: I don’t wear makeup

Do you have any expensive hobbies?: if I had money...

What length do you like to keep your nails at?: short

Have you ever felt physical pain in a dream?: but not as much as Nat 

Have you ever had Christmas carolers come to your house and sing for you?: when I was a kid

What’s your favorite Studio Ghibli film?: Porco Rosso?

What did you learn from your last failed relationship?: can we not talk about it...

What’s something on your to-do list that never actually gets done?: I’m a huge procrastinator

Have you ever been really passionate about something but then lost interest? If so, what was it?: collages

What’s the worst thing about being male/female (whichever you are)?: period, being able to get pregnant and have female kinds of cancer etc.

What movie has the best special effects?: I’m into practical special effects more than cgi but... there’s too many to name

When did you last have a vision test?: ages ago 

[jennaschererwrites]

Inside the Groundbreaking Queer Reboot of ‘She-Ra’ | Rolling Stone

We’re all shaped by the myths we grow up with, whether it’s the stories we learn from holy books or Saturday morning cartoons. Kids who see themselves as the hero learn to center themselves in their own life stories. Kids who see their experiences relegated to the sidelines, or not represented at all, come away with a very different lesson — one that can take years to unlearn.

Which is exactly what makes a show like She-Ra and the Princesses of Power so vital. Since its premiere in 2018, Noelle Stevenson’s reboot of the cult Eighties cartoon has joined a revolution in the world of children’s animation, combining classic genre storytelling with diverse representation and a progressive worldview (see also: Nickelodeon’s The Legend of Korra, Cartoon Network’s Adventure Time and Steven Universe). In its fifth and final season, which dropped on Netflix last month, She-Ra rounded out its 52-episode run by centering a queer romance — specifically, between its hero, Adora, and her best frenemy Catra — and positing that such a love can, quite literally, save the world.

“I knew from the start that it wasn’t going to be easy,” says Stevenson, speaking via phone from Los Angeles. “Because this is She-Ra. To have the culmination of her arc be this lesbian love plot is a big deal! And I understood that. But I also felt that it was really important.”

The original She-Ra: Princess of Power was a 1985 Filmation spin-off of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, which itself was based on a line of Mattel action figures. Set on the planet of Etheria, She-Ra follows a band of magical princesses in their rebellion against the Evil Horde, a totalitarian sci-fi regime bent on global domination. Adora is an ex-Horde soldier who joins the rebellion after she gains the ability to transform into She-Ra, a superpowered Chosen One with glowing blue eyes, a mystical sword, and a very cool outfit.

In 2015, when Stevenson, then 23, found out that DreamWorks Animation was looking for someone to pitch a new take on She-Ra, she jumped at the chance. She was already an Eisner Award-winning cartoonist and writer who had made a name for herself with works like her web comic-turned-graphic novel Nimona and the Boom! Studios series Lumberjanes.

“The world [of She-Ra] is so incredibly vibrant, and has so many powerful female characters. It’s this world that has all my interests rolled into one: It’s got the flying ponies and superpowers and all of these things that, immediately, I was like, ‘I want to do this. I want to be the one to do this,’” she says.

While Stevenson’s reimagination of the world of Etheria pays tribute to its predecessor, it includes some key differences. The reboot transforms the musclebound, scantily-clad grownups of the original series into awkward teens in much more practical (but still very sparkly) clothing. In addition to embracing a diversity of races, genders, and body types, the She-Ra reboot fleshes out the characters and their backstories, giving them fully-fledged arcs and complicating the good/evil binary of the original. The princesses of the rebellion aren’t simply heroic, and the soldiers of the Horde aren’t simply villains; everyone’s just a human being (or scorpion person or alien clone or flying horse, as the case may be) trying to make their way in a world that doesn’t offer easy solutions. It’s also, incidentally, really funny.

For Stevenson, it was crucial that the characters felt three-dimensional, and that it was their choices that guided the direction of the storytelling. “The characters all began with a deep personal flaw, and the process of making the show was kind of giving them the room to process those flaws. But we wanted it to feel organic. We wanted the characters to feel like real people that we knew,” she explains.

From the start, She-Ra’s most compelling tension was always between Adora (Aimee Carrero) and Catra (AJ Michalka), Adora’s childhood best friend who becomes her bitterest rival after Adora leaves the Horde to join the rebellion. In the show’s first four seasons, the two continually fight and reconcile and break apart again, their obsession with each other marking them as something more than frenemies.

“It’s a dynamic that I find really interesting: the attraction and the tension between the villain and the hero, especially when they know each other better than anyone. They love each other, but there’s something between them that cannot be overcome,” Stevenson says.

Stevenson always knew that she wanted the relationship between Catra and Adora to be a romantic one; but she had to walk a fine line, because she didn’t know if the studio would give her the go-ahead to put an explicitly lesbian love story front and center. At first, as in Steven Universe, Rebecca Sugar’s radically progressive series that aired its final episodes earlier this year, she steeped the world of the She-Ra reboot in queerness. The show features multiple side characters in same-sex relationships, characters who flout traditional gender roles, and even a nonbinary character (Double Trouble, voiced by transgender writer and activist Jacob Tobia).

Still, Stevenson, herself a gay woman, wanted young viewers to be able to see a queer relationship that wasn’t just incidental, but central to the plot of the entire series. “I’ve loved these stories my entire life, you know? I was a huge Star Wars and Lord of the Rings fan as a kid. But there weren’t a lot of characters that I felt personally represented by,” she says. “We love what makes these stories classic, but we’ve seen them all culminate in the same kind of romance so many times: The hero gets the girl, he gets the kiss, and then he saves the world. And it’s not just [swapping] the man and the woman for two women. You have to actually approach it from a standpoint of: How do you make these stories, at their roots, queer?

“So that’s what I was trying to do — for little queer kids to see that this is normal, that these are stories that can happen and that exist, and that can center them and make them feel seen and understood.”

Whether or not Adora and Catra’s romance would become canonical was in the hands of the studio, and it was a risk Stevenson couldn’t be sure it would be willing to take. So the show played a long game — hinting at a romantic dynamic between the two without making it explicit, for fear of disappointing fans in the end if they weren’t able to deliver. Fortunately, a groundswell of viewer support for a potential relationship between the characters — a phenomenon known in the fan community as “shipping” — allowed Stevenson to make a case to the studio for supporting the story she wanted to tell with She-Ra.

“Just as I had hoped, people started picking up on this tension and getting really passionate about it,” she says. “It was immediately one of the strongest fandom ships right out of the gate. And that was when I finally showed my hand and was like, ‘Look. We’ve got a bunch of people who, just off Season One, are really, really excited about the gay representation in this show. I have been planning for this. And here’s how it needs to end, and not just because I want a moment that everyone’s gonna talk about. It’s the logical conclusion of both their character arcs. They need each other.’”

Finally, after years of hedging their bets, Stevenson and her collaborators got the go-ahead from DreamWorks. “I really wanted it to be so central to the plot that if at any point they were like, ‘Oh, we changed our minds, we want to take it out again,’ they wouldn’t be able to, because it would be so baked in,” she explains. “The temperature is not always right, and depending on what’s happening in the world, not everyone wants to be the studio that sticks their neck out and makes a statement like this. You will get a flat ‘no’ sometimes. But if you bide your time, or you come at it from another angle, that can change. You just have to keep pushing.”

Feedback for the conclusion of She-Ra has been overwhelmingly positive both from critics and fans. Viewer support has been pouring out in the form of social media posts, YouTube reaction videos, and fan art and fan fiction. Stevenson, who first made a name for herself online with Lord of the Rings and Avengers fan art, has been blown away by the support from She-Ra lovers. “That’s how you know that you’re successful at what you set out to do — if people are getting inspired by the stories that you’re telling. I think that that’s the beauty of fan work, is that it’s an evolution of the genre. We take that inspiration and create something new all the time.”

Unfettered by restrictions, the final season of She-Ra is a tightly plotted, character-driven masterwork, featuring a slow-burn redemption arc, a harrowing villain, and a timely message about the power of love and unity against the forces of repression and tyranny. It’s a show about becoming kinder and more open in the face of unrelenting darkness, about banding together to prepare for the worst, but always hoping for the best in spite of overwhelming odds.

Stevenson says that she and her team began work on She-Ra in the aftermath of the 2016 election. “The veil was ripped off, and we had to reckon with a world that we hadn’t expected. And that theme of relying on each other and being stronger together became so much more relevant,” she recalls. “I remember writing one script after a particularly bad news day where it just felt like nothing was ever going to be OK again. It’s an episode where Adora realizes that there are supposed to be stars in the sky, and there aren’t any more stars. And as Aimee [Carrero] was recording the lines, she was crying, and we were crying, because we were all experiencing this together — the idea that things were changing in maybe irreparable ways.”

The refrain of She-Ra’s catchy-as-hell power-pop theme song is “We must be strong, and we must be brave.” According to Stevenson, that’s easier said than done; but the whole point of the series is that you have to try anyway. It’s a message that rings especially true at this moment in our world when it seems like everything is spinning out of control, and it’s all too easy to feel helpless.

“It always comes back to this — when you realize that there’s a great evil or a great darkness that won’t just go away from one fight,” Stevenson says. “It boils up, and it can be pushed back down, but it’s something that we’ll probably have to be fighting for the rest of our lives. That’s really hard to do, and it makes you really tired sometimes, and it can be really scary. But when you are surrounded by the people that you love, and when you have that love for the people around you, then that strength is possible.”

[hqchaemi-blog]

hello everyone! i’m so happy to be taking part in this project! i’m anna (pst), and this is my muse, park chaemi, 22 year old main rapper, lead dancer + vocalist of legacy! if she catches your eye, make sure to like this post so we can get to plotting! ^^

(tw if necessary: divorce, broken family, small mentions of infidelity)

        — chaemi is from gwangju, south korea, and her birthday is september 10, 1996         — she has an older brother and a younger sister, and comes from an artistically driven family

        — though she’s never been that far from korea, (the farthest she’s been is japan) she does speak english and some japanese!

PERSONALITY; SELF INTRODUCTION; BACKSTORY; WANTED CONNECTIONS

PERSONALITY - ONSTAGE, OFFSTAGE

Chaemi is one to give off badass vibes. On-stage, she’s passionate and lights up the room with her stage presence. She can suit any comeback concept, but is drawn to the darker, sexier concepts. 

On-stage she is polite, letting her members speak before she does. She has a way with words, but doesn’t say much.

Off-stage, she’s similar. She doesn’t have that much of a problem with meeting new people, but will be near those who she knows in a new place. 

She doesn’t like it when people aren’t straightforward, so she tends to be blunt. 

She’s cordial to everyone she meets and is very extroverted and excited around her friends and members.

She loves giving advice, and thinks of her members as family as well. 

She’s also passionate about music, so sometimes her producing gets in the way of her relationship with others.

SELF INTRODUCTION

Chaemi would introduce herself as either ‘happy-go-lucky Chaemi’ or ‘sexy Chaemi’ depending on her group’s concept. 

Her public image wouldn’t be too far from her personality, being both extroverted and introverted. 

She may earn the name ‘Dalmi’ because ‘dal’ means moon in Korean and refers to how the moon changes every night, like how she flips from introverted to extroverted. 

She’d be perceived as slightly intimidating, but just a big softy once you get to know her. 

She’d also be commended on her PDA and love towards her members while talking about them.

As the eldest member of Legacy, she’d feel a need to protect them as well

BACKSTORY

Chaemi’s family of five, (father, mother, older brother, younger sister) each had one artistic ability that they excelled at, whether it be painting, or piano, or graphic design.  Her mother was a painter, and often left her father to carry most of the weight for expenses, taxes, and bills. 

This took a toll on her parents relationship, ending in a messy divorce between an infidel ex-husband and a broken ex-wife with three children. Her father did pay for child support, but it ended up not being enough for four people. Chaemi watched her mother drift from her talents and passion into a 9/5 day job, just to bring in money to support her family. 

As this happened, Chaemi’s growing interest in music and music making went from flowing to dripping, to almost barren. Her mother urged Chaemi to follow her dreams and never let go of them the way she did. Chaemi vowed from age 12 that she’d train and practice to support her family and her mother, who had to let go of who she was to help other people. 

With money that she’d been saving, made from tips she’d get at her job as a waitress to pocket money her dad gave her when she was younger, she attended Seoul School of Performing Arts. There, she made a friend, who would soon become one of her best friends and a fellow idol.

It was tough at first, Chaemi was told that she would not get accepted anywhere with her dance skills and was rejected from PLEDIS, a company where she desired to work at the time. But her passion mixed with her knack for producing music eventually led her to be scouted by SO!AR. She finally was signed and was on her way to becoming an idol! 

She became close friends with other trainees and wanted to debut in a group with them, but any hint of a request was immediately shot down by her company. She still is very close with her friends, who are all idols along side her. 

The reason why Chaemi clings to her members and friends so much is because she never had a complete family experience. Her mother was always worked out of her mind, her brother was working at a convenience store and studying, and her sister was so angry with her father that she poured herself into piano and rarely talked to her family. 

Chaemi wants to feel like she’s part of a family again, so she treats her friends like family. Sometimes this unhinges them, but she has told some of her close friends about the situation between her and her family. 

Though she often shows an ‘I love to be alone’  look to the camera, she cannot go long without her friends. She feels bad for nagging them, but doesn’t know how else to act. She tends to bury her emotions and not address problems, so she struggles with confrontation.

WANTED CONNECTIONS/RELATIONSHIPS!

oldies but goodies

some friends from groups other than legacy, which were her friends back when they were all training together

love interest

someone more preferably from an older group that chaemi is in a secret relationship with! they’re one of the only people who can really get her to come out of her shell completely

m/f/nb 

one night

someone she slept with / had a one night stand with

m/f/nb

i have to sit down because i can’t stand you

someone from another group that she just cannot stand. this could be a former ex or someone that she’s never gotten along with.

groupies

her group of friends now! can be from any group, of any age. people she’ll generally be seen/hang out with, drinking with, or having fun with!!

collabs

chaemi is very invested in producing and writing music. maybe a collaboration with a group / so!ar idol?

[esmiblood90irisglimmer]

Tears and Bruises (Lams fanfic)

Based on one of @thecatinatux lovely fanarts of Lams: Jock!Alexander and Nerd! John

John POV

Just another typical Friday late afternoon when all the high schools are barely letting their students out. Some are happy just going inside their friends’ car and driving to who knows where. Well happily Spring Break has finally arrived and I’ll be able to spend time with him, my boyfriend. The one and only Alexander Hamilton who has kept me pretty safe at school. Though he can be a bit too overprotective of me especially toward Jefferson who is constantly flirting with me. I pay no to him since Alexander is the only one for me. Sometimes I get worried when he would get into fights with other seniors. Which is one of those days where I saw my boyfriend cover in multiple bruises? One certain bruise tugged my heart the most which a black eye barely forming on his face. Gasping in shock reasonable before pulling him inside to my apartment. Seeing a few noticeable bruises on both cheeks and a few cuts on his shoulders and arms.

Quickly scattering for the first aid kit from the bathroom with a few tears nearly flooding my face. My boyfriend doesn’t say anything but stays silent. While sitting on the toilet where I gently clean some of the cuts on his body. I couldn’t look at him in the eyes or else I’ll be bursting into tears. Knowing fully well is when I was the cause of Alexander of getting into fights. You see since I’m a nerd which equal to be getting bully by the jocks that lead to Hamilton getting into full-on fist brawl with them. I know that Alexander is only protecting me but I couldn’t help but feel the guilt and shame that he goes through. The dark thoughts were composing my mind and I believe all those words that started to taunt me nonstop.

This is your fault!! You let Alexander get hurt again!!!

Why must you be a nerd?! You’re constantly getting your boyfriend in trouble!!!

You’re not even worth it to him. He just using you to get lay

After aiding his bruises and cuts I book it to my bedroom in this tiny apartment. Hamilton gave a small chase, I nearly the shut them down in his face. But my boyfriend is a stubborn mule he is refusing to let me close the door. Instead, he pushes the door out of my hands before pulling me into his arms. The tears were finally invading my face I began sobbing against Alex’s chest. I don’t remember much about rather down raining the waterworks for who knows who long. I just felt my boyfriend comforting me as he stroke my hair and rub my cheek. Letting out a few sniffles before calming myself down. Finally gaining the courage to stare at him in the eyes as he gave a weak and guilty smile. This was rather new since he usually still be angry or be pouting as I attended the usually minor bruising from and there. But this expression on Alexander's face is something I’ll never believe seeing till this day. Before saying a single word to me I felt his lips pressing against my forehead which causes me to blush. As always since Alex likes to give me attention.

“I’m sorry, baby boy...I didn’t mean to make you cry” He said

Shaking my head lightly before touching his cheek lightly while kissing him on the lips. It was a short but passionate kiss until Alexander looks away in shame. I know this fool is gonna blame himself for this incident. I know my boyfriend can be stubborn, an angry gremlin, sometimes an idiot. Though he is my idiot as Alex love me as nobody has ever loved me before. Not even after my ex-boyfriend since it ended on the bad terms not to mention my conservative father. He was always rough and strict with during childhood and has kicked me out after coming out of the closet. Which is why I live in this apartment alone by myself for the time being until I met Alex. One of the best people that has ever entire into my life. I cupped his face while he still looks away from me in shame which the regret I can scent from me.

“You need to stop fighting for me” I plead

“I can’t let them make fun of you, Baby”  Alex replied

Oh Alexander, always being so considerate for me and the others. Knowing this fool would do anything to protect his friends and family. Knowing fully well from the past he told that Alex’s would get into a bunch of fights. Very graphic violent fights that he never told me in full details. Holding both of his hands while leaning against him. Wiping a few tears away before giving me a quick peck on the lips as we continue holding hands. I’m not sure what I can do about my boyfriend getting into violent fights. I’m sure , know well that my boyfriend regrets getting these fights since he’s trying to stop fighting. He’s still learning since now my lover only ignore or just give a short response to the bullies or his enemies.  It’s been difficult for him to adjust to his attitude but at least he’s trying to learn just for me.

Lightly rubbing his cheek while kissing his entire face in order to comfort him.  Slowly I sat on his lap before holding his head onto my chest. Alexander let out a sob gasp but I usher him and comforted him. It’s now my turn to comfort my lover just as he comforted during my shed of tears. Alexander began crying a little onto my chest which lasted about ten minutes as I kiss his tears away. Slowly began kissing his neck for switching the position as I laid on the bed. Never realizing he took my hairband off and took off my glasses and set them aside on my nightstand. Placing his bruise lips onto my own chap lips while sharing a few soft kisses. Until it has gotten a bit heated makeout session. This moment is too good to end but there's a thing called breathing. Breaking the kiss as Alexander stare deeply into my eyes as I was blushing profusely.

“Jackie, I know that I’m not the perfect boyfriend material for you. I wish that I could harder on my attitude not to get into any fights. When someone insults me or my work ethic that finds. They can pick on me all they want. But, I’ll be damned if anyone else ever lay a single finger on you. I wouldn’t know what I do if I ever saw anyone hurting you. You’re my entire world, baby. And, I can’t imagine a single day without you. Jackie. I...I love you. ”  Alexander confess

Lightly gasp but I smile at him as I cupped his face with a warm smile as I gaze into his dark brown eyes with my hazel emerald. I never thought I would hear him confess his dying love for me. I was afraid he never truly love but seeing his comforting me, crying in regrets, and protecting from my bullies. I couldn’t be more wrong than before. I wanted to cry for joy as my heart it was soaring through the skies like a rocket.

“Alex, for my entire life I was so sure that I never wanted to fall in love again. After my toxic and disastrous relationship...I thought romance is nothing more than a lied. Until when you first came to my rescue. I constantly argue myself about my feelings for you...in the end, I fell in love with you.  I love you cause you treated me as a human being and cherish for I am. And, I’ll always love you even though you can be a bit stubborn and idiot but that’s what I love you.” I confess myself

Sharing one last kiss before my handsome boyfriend decided to take my left hand with his so. Never once in a million have I ever dream this experience. Alexander pulls out the most beautiful ring, a silver ring with an emerald embedded in the middle. I..I couldn’t even speak at the moment. Neither did he while he began stuttering while tripping over his words. Placing the jewelry on my ring finger ...without a second I tackle him down on the ground while hugging him tightly as I responded

“Yes!”

Hope, y’all enjoy it

[smallpressdistribution]

8 SPD Books Regarding Fragments

IN THIS MONTH'S SPD CLICKHOLE By Lizzy Lemieux

Qualms from my most recent movie theater experience: I could hear the entire soundtrack to the Aretha Franklin movie next door, the snackbar did not sell snowcaps, and the ˜film˜ I was actually there to see was formulaic. Sometimes it feels like I'm watching the same story over and over. And over. And if they're recycling storylines, can't I just recycle my ticket and stop shelling out 12 dollars for each show?

Sometimes I just want a story that breaks the mold. Which conveniently brings us to this month's SPD handpicked theme: FRAGMENT. These 8 handpicked books beat up linear narrative and stuff it in the trunk. They abhor the teachers 'one person speaks at a time' rule. They spurn every plot-hole ridden time travel film. They tell stories in broken pieces. They raise their multiple voices until it's a cacophony sans a single narrator. The go back and forth in time without almost having sex with their mother and disappearing from family photos.

Moon: Letters, Maps, Poems (Tarpaulin Sky Press, 2018) begins with storytelling as it existed at its inception: as myth. Dedicated to "mythical women of [her] childhood". Jennifer S. Cheng writes, "In the story of the Lady in the Moon, there is only one ending: to live out her nights as a captive, over and over, as if some necessary penance, as if a sorrow to see a woman paper-thin against the lesser light." Cheng pushes this singularity into multiplicity, presenting all possibilities for the lady in the moon's departure from earth, exploring the question of feminine independence and love freed from "penance". "A woman is a builder...if the lady in the moon were to ask questions of construction, if she were to ask for tools and then drown the blueprint", muses Cheng. In many ways, Moon: Letters, Maps, Poems has drowned the blueprint for linear narrative, choosing instead to explore myths of fragment, told from multiple perspectives, and from multiple beginnings, middles, and ends.

Butcher Paper (Scablands Books, 2017), a graphic novel by Simeon Mills, tells the story of a father's endeavor to teach his teenage son to read, if only to prove his ex-wife that he is a capable caretaker. The larger, alcohol-tinged narrative gives way to bizarre fragments of school-supplied "readers" filled with animal-human hybrids and grotesque supernatural manifestations of masculinity, relationships and loss.

Sightings: Selected Works 2002-2005 (1913 Press, 2001) A collection of Chin Yu Pai's concrete poems on love hotels, gymnasiums, and food. Each poem reimagines concrete form, from eye tests, to playwriting, to nutritional facts on snack labels, fragmenting the idea of form. Line breaks create innuendo, sexuality and politics surfacing in the mundane details: hairpins are aligned with rubbers through branding, and a personified Wells Fargo converses with Sam Wong, although translation barrs true communication.

American Romances: Essays (City Lights Publishers, 2009) Irreverent nostalgia fuels Rebecca Browns essays, which use pop culture icons as trail markers while Brown traipses through American lineage, from Hawthorn and Puritanical Salem to Ellen as the girl next door ideal which Brown asserts is, and always has been, "a big old chummy dyke." Brown traces facets of modern culture back to their predecessors, revealing American strengths and flaws are not new but simply repackaged. "Witnessing" returns as as-seen-on-tv (and social media) oversharing returns as Brown's personal narrative in American Romances. It is a true romance for, as Brown writes, "Everytime you read a book you read what you desire".

ESL or You Weren't Here (Nightboat Books, 2017) frames Aldrin Valdez's story, of immigration from the Philippines to New York, in terms of language, weaving filipino and english together until their double meanings fractures cultural understanding. As Valdez writes, "And even if/ I didn't have polio/ my family in the Philippines/ still used the word/ to name/ my inability/ to walk or to walk without/ pain./ Just as we used/ Colgate/ to refer to any tube of toothpaste." Voices are split at the syllable, the page is re-oriented horizontally, turning over and over "forced migration", "vestiges of colonialism", sickness, death, and mourning.

What We Must Remember (Bamboo Ridge Press, 2017) is a Renshi, a form of Japanese linked poem, in remembrance of the rape of Thalia Massie and the subsequent charges brought against five Hawaiian men which lead to the kidnapping of Horace Ida and the murder of Joseph Kahahawai. In his introduction, John P Rosa writes, "And to remember is more than just to call to mind. It is to re-remember, to put pieces together in an attempt to make things whole." This renshi, a collaboration between four artists, Christy Passion, Ann Inoshita, Juliet S. Kono, and Jean Yamasaki Toyama, envisions 'pieces' in varying forms, including epistolary, persona, and dialogue poems, held together by "historical realities".

Flarf: An Anthology of Flarf (Edge Books, 2017) Google Search: What is Flarf? Result: “a kind of corrosive, cute, or cloying, awfulness. Wrong. Un-P.C. Out of control. ‘Not okay.’" Or: a form of protest poetry from post 9/11 America designed to force examinations of 'good taste' in art and politics. Search: What is Flarf: An Anthology of Flarf? Result: an inexplicable collection of 21st Century avant garde-poetry, which sourced material from the web during its "wild west" infancy. This dada-esque movement appropriates jargon readers might remember from 200's chain emails, chat rooms, and suggested searches, and collages digitally-sourced fragments to create comic, vulgar, and comically vulgar poems.

Concordance (Kelsey Street Press, 2016) Like much of Mei-Mei Berssenbrugge's work, Concordance began with a resonant image: a dandelion. This collaboration between Berssenbrugge, Kiki Smith, and Ann McKeown explores the transitory properties of nature and writing, as in "The way milkweed filling the space above a field is 'like' reading." For Mei-Mei, the writing process itself is fragmented. Working from "altered" and appropriated texts, she takes notes of resonant images encountered while reading, cuts out the notes, and rearranges the clippings until their proximity to each other forges new connections. She says: "Usually I consider all fragments the same as the whole, like holograms. But one day, looking at the horizon in Utah, I said: 'Where sky touches the ground is not the same as the whole.'"

This month’s #SPDhandpicked books are 20% off all month w/ code HANDPICKED!

[diegest]

2010 V.S. 2019

Age 15 and almost 25

(This is long a messy but I wanted to make some kind of post about it before the year ends.)

I was making a stink face bc my then best-friend was over and said something funny before she took the picture and afterwards we busted out laughing. We were at my then step-dads parents house out in the country walking down to their creek either just getting done swimming in their pool or intending to get in it after going to the creek.

I was most likely a freshmen or sophomore at the time of this picture. (Probably right before sophomore year started...) It was definitely during Summer. I either had a flip Nokia phone or an LG Neon at the time as I upgraded from one to the other. I had my first “job.” I was a veterinary assistant after school for a few hours a day and did some work out there during Summer as well. I wasn’t paid and used my time as a volunteer to play with animals, hold them down for simple procedures, walked dogs, and it helped me gauge whether or not I wanted to actually pursue being a veterinarian. I had competed in track for 6 years in a row by this point and was probably finished with it by the time this picture was taken. (Two Elementary School leagues, all three years of Middle School, freshmen year of High School). I was crushing HARDCORE on my childhood best friend whom I’ve known since the age of 6 but neither of us could handle our feelings for the other and things would become super awkward until we had actually dated 7 years later. I was tan as hell because of track practice, walking to both pools in town, and walking to Sonic with friends during sleepovers.

I was struggling trying to find my identity as a teenager while maintaining being in the middle of my parents joint custody battle and being forced to be 100 miles away from my friends two weekends out of the month. I was a cynical older sister of two step-brothers and did not use my time with them as wisely as I wish I could have, sometimes being a real bitch to them looking back at it. I had no control over my hair color or length and remember desperately wanting to layer it to look like a scene kid despite how naturally thin it is. I had just started dabbling in eye liner (not pictured, as I preferred and still prefer my poolside activities over makeup), wore converse every day I wasn’t wearing flip flops for the season, wore baggy jeans, the same Paramore hoodie daily, and had an extreme creative drive that I miss deeply. I was bullied horribly for my teeth, nose, skin (I had terrible eczema that pool water, cortisone shots, and Summer weather in general helped tremendously with!), height, cup size, fashion, hobbies, having split parents, and then some. My metabolism was extremely high and I was in my athletic prime. I had a touch of internet fame by drawing my own personal characters on deviantArt.com as well as fan art for games and shows I was super into using my first Wacom tablet on my first laptop and to this day still have a folder of fan art created for me on my computer. I was obsessed with cats, rock music, anime, and drawing. I could drive a boat and got both a high five as well as scolded for that time I flipped myself into the water to retrieve my dads hat while we were going full speed over white-caps because I was too impatient for him to circle around and wanted to impress him and the rest of the family. I was for the most part unafraid of most things.

I was secretly extremely depressed and suicidal during the school year to the point I had missed my period for 5 months because of stress alone and I’m certain at the time this picture was taken, I was almost breathing a sigh of relief I was off from school for the summer. I had a close knit group of friends still before it had combust the following school year. I was “working” as a veterinary assistant but also had interests in pursuing being an animator, art director, cartoonist, children’s book illustrator, or graphic designer by this point and my mom encouraged me to pursue whatever I was comfortable with. I wasn’t really boy crazy like my friends were, instead having my heart set on one in particular and probably still having a soft spot for my ex whom I was with for 3 years prior. My bedroom contained my artwork, sports posters, cat posters, band posters, and trophies/medals from my days running track. My friend and I, though not legally allowed to drive, would occasionally sneak to Taco Bell using her parents car if they weren’t home and we never got caught or pulled over for it. My grades were A’s and B’s, though I could not pay attention in History to save my life because I was too preoccupied with doodling on my papers and ignoring this asshole who was two classes above me who had called me ugly but then admitted he liked me at one time because of my attitude?? He’s still an idiot from what I’ve heard only he’s an idiot who knocked up a few women post-high school, is apparently married now, and no surprise to me - is still stuck in that same small town with no goal to go anywhere outside of it.

I was scared of the outside world beyond my small town and had no idea how rough it would get for me. The family issues and my trip to family court had not happened yet. I had yet to become estranged from my family. I was small and awkward as hell. I struggled to hold conversations or make eye contact unless it was with people I felt most familiar with since people were kinda fucking mean. I could argue back but would immediately break down and cry from the interaction at the first chance I’d get. I’d use books, art, and video games for the escapism. Life felt scary and fragile and so very uncertain but at least I had a few individuals in the world whom I loved so much and who I know loved me.

I’m 24 now. I’m now in control over my own hair cut and color. I choose to keep it long as I didn’t even like the way it looked short when I finally chopped it as a teenager. It’s been red, reddish blonde, blonde on top and brown on the bottom, dark brown to blonde ombré, and now platinum blonde with my natural color as a shadow root and I quite like it. I don’t really dabble in makeup unless it’s for an occasion except for covering up my acne as my body decided that having zero acne in my teen years was just too good for me while I was battling eczema instead. I’m not nearly as tan or athletic as I’m forced to be inside at most times. I still love to swim though and I take every opportunity to go to my childhood beach during the Summer when I can in particular. I still don’t consider myself to be family-oriented despite this year really challenging that for me. I have a ton of amazing friends and people who care about me and feel like recently in particular, I’m always busy with someone doing something and making memories as we do whatever.

I have a bachelors in Psychology and a minor in Art, though I did not pursue a masters in art therapy like I had originally intended. I was heavily burnt out from school and my baby brothers worsening medical conditions and the news that he had been in a children’s hospital for quite some time with my family deliberately choosing not to tell me made me choose not to pursue one for the time being. I was working at Dairy Queen while technically sharing a lease with my ex before finding a job at a psychiatric hospital that I loved and getting my own apartment to myself and my cat, whom my ex gave to me as he saw she benefited me more than she benefited him. Though I lost that job, I can now say I have two years of field experience in Psychology and almost 6 months worth in social work and feel like I’m always learning something.

I’m not as creative anymore because the years of crippling depression, anxiety, and being forced to create for school absolutely ruined any creativity I had once had. Though occasionally I’ll have the opportunity to channel that creativity into a video game or quick doodle for a child.

I’ve moved to two cities after moving out of my high-school “home” town (not quite home but a good chunk of my upbringing!) and have every intention of doing it again within the next year after I save up some. I don’t take shit from anyone and have taken after the best parts of my moms personality in my opinion with the added benefit of my dads patience and keen eye. I’m known for making people around me comfortable and able to laugh and decompress and have been fortunate enough to use that power professionally. I would like to go back to mental and behavioral health as I miss the thrill and excitement as well as the camaraderie with fellow staff members in the pursuit of helping individuals. I’m very likely starting a new position in my company as early as next week and have been extremely excited about the pay and hour boost. I’ll be getting my dog in just over two weeks and am excited to start our life journey together. Though I had developed my moms serial-monogamist trait for a while there after my 6 year-long relationship had ended in the pursuit of finding someone to fill that gap, I feel very comfortable lately simply being pursued and wanted without the commitment. I’m addicted to sushi bowls, coffee, and chocolate. My passion is helping others. I feel comfortable in my body enough that I would love to pursue modeling of some sort and have been lucky enough to dabble in that a bit already. I also have a bit of a love for fashion now, though I rarely feel the urge to actually properly plan my outfits unless my goal is to dress to impress or for the sake of photography.

I’ve learned to allow myself to enjoy the things I enjoy without the fear of judgement from others. I still love nerd-culture and have somewhat recently taken an interest in cosplay and want to attend more conventions. I’ve learned that it’s an accomplishment for me to have gotten this far, to have my own place, and that it’s alright that I don’t have everything figured out and not everything has to be figured out right away. I don’t have the same best friend I had 10 years ago, but we’re still in contact and I love my current best friend tremendously though I don’t get to see him often. I’ve learned that my current group of friends may be temporary, but while I’m lucky enough to be around them I’m going to do what I can to make them feel as loved and cherished as possible and make plenty of memories. Ivy and I are doing well and I know we will continue doing well even with Atticus by our side. I value traveling way more and will continue to travel and see new things when I’m able to. Eventually I’ll narrow down a Masters program and go back to school when I feel ready. I might even work alongside my brother at some point as we had talked about working on a project together and I’m pretty excited. This is getting really really long oops

I also just look dope as all hell with blonde hair and have gotten the notoriety of being “that blonde girl who wears the leather jacket” and I’m beyond thrilled about this. I’ve come a long way and I’m proud of myself. It’s hard to believe that lanky, tan, dark haired, greasy-headed kid is me but I think she’s come a long long way and I’m genuinely proud of her for doing so and not ending things when she’s had the opportunity. Here’s to 10 more years of careful and concise progress and glow-ups~

[heyeulalie]

The Final Fantasy

Hi again.

Phew. It’s been a crazy month and I feel like I have so much to get you caught up on. 

I feel so out of practice with writing and my thoughts are all jumbled, but I’m going to try my best to get this out there. 

The last week of my graphic design internship was busy. Toward the end of it I figured out that I was unfortunately pretty sure that I didn’t actually want to pursue a career in graphic design. It was strange - it was so close to being something I felt like I would enjoy, and it pays well and there are plenty of jobs out there doing it, but so much of it is organizing information into neat, tidy boxes and catching little details and for whatever reason that process really stressed me out. I’m not neat and tidy and trying to think that way is like speaking a second language for me.

I’m slowly coming to terms that my real interest and passion has been and probably always will be illustration and animation, and there’s nothing to say I can’t build some kind of freelance career out of doing that instead of design.

I don’t think the experience was a waste at all. It forced me to buy a new computer, which was way overdue, and I got to relearn how to use Adobe Illustrator and figured out After Effects, which I had really been wanting to learn. And I learned a lot about marketing and running a small business which maybe eventually I can use for myself in the near future.

But I was still pretty stressed out that last week. I had been working for free all summer plus doing delivery driving at night, which didn’t leave much time for fun or making new friends or anything. My car’s check engine light had just popped on and I wasn’t even sure how much longer my only source of income was going to last. I didn’t have much to show financially for all the work I had been doing over the summer, despite having poured so much time into everything. Our apartment’s roach/mouse/rat problem was getting increasingly disgusting and the landlords weren’t doing anything about it, despite multiple requests. I was just tired and lonely and broke and burnt out.

I felt like God had been telling me that I needed to stop talking to Jon, my Canadian ex boyfriend, completely. Even though absolutely nothing romantic had been expressed between either of us since we had been in touch again, I knew where my head was at. Every time he messaged me I started imaging the sort of amazing life I could have if he finally declared his love for me and I married him and moved in to his nice house that he bought with his great, stable, well-paying job in Canada - the land flowing with poutine and milk in a bag and universal healthcare. I could hang out with his wonderful family who I always loved and play Dungeons and Dragons with him and his friends on the weekends. It sounded like the perfect life - except, of course, for the fact that he wasn’t a Christian. 

We had been talking on Discord and I tried to figure out how to tell him I needed to stop talking to him. It seemed strange to try to explain to him that I couldn’t talk to him because I liked him but couldn’t date him when, again, absolutely nothing romantic had ever been said. And he was over 1,000 miles away. I took the chicken way out and just deleted Discord abruptly and hoped that maybe that would be enough to kill off our causal exchanging of memes and dumb stories.

Sometime during that week some of my old high school friends wanted to get together for a video chat. We had all been staying in touch so it wasn’t that strange, but they had also reached out to another friend that I had dated on and off in middle school and high school. He’s married now and has kids and I didn’t think anything of it, but for some reason seeing him again after so many years REALLY threw me off. Then we all started exchanging pictures and someone posted a picture of me and Jon together the last time we had seen each other in person, about 20 years ago. I went into a little bit of a tailspin, feeling like my life was so much better and I had closer relationships when I wasn’t walking with God. And it really made me miss Jon, but I knew I shouldn’t reach out to him.

Later that night I was literally looking at the picture of him and crying when he texted me out of the blue. He mentioned that he noticed that my Discord account had been deleted and he hadn’t heard from me for awhile and just wanted to make sure things were okay. I couldn’t believe his timing. 

I was already in a weird, emotional place, and was stressed out with the work I needed to do. I knew I just needed to let him know what I was thinking and finally close the door for real.

So I explained to him exactly how I felt - that it had made me so happy to hear from him and get to be in touch with him again, and that I had always wondered what things would have been like if we really had the chance to date, but I knew it couldn’t happen and I needed to stop talking to him, at least until I could really see him just as a friend again, and nothing else.

He responded a few days later, explaining that he felt the same way and he had been trying to figure out how to broach the subject of seeing if anything romantic was still there between us. And, if and when I was ever ready to talk, he was open to talking about it.

It was so strange seeing those words written out in real life, after they had been sitting in my head in fantasyland for so long. 

There it was. It was real. He did like me after all this time. What if I really did pick up and move to Canada and marry him and have a wonderful life with such a cute story of how we fell in love when we were 12 and finally got together over 20 years later.

I really had to process this with God. I know God told me that I would be married eventually, and I really believed He told me whoever I married needed to be a believer. But I was just questioning everything. It seemed like this really could be God sending me someone. Was I just being religious and it was blinding me to recognizing the thing God was sending me? I know what the Bible says about being equally yoked, but was I misunderstanding what that scripture meant? Isn’t the whole gospel really just about love anyway? If we’re loving people aren’t we keeping God’s law? 

I really went through the ringer with this. 

Ultimately, I had to just come back to the fact that I believe God gave me a strong, supernatural, personal promise telling me that I would be married and it would be important to look within the family of God to find that person, and that God’s word itself really does talk about the importance being equally yoked in a marriage. And I had to come back to the fact that God is GOOD. God isn’t going to let me miss something He’s sending me, and even if I do miss it or mess it up, God is the king of second and third and 4th and 50th chances. I also have to hold on to the fact that I cannot ruin God’s plan for my life with one decision. He knows what I understand and what I don’t understand and He knows how to get my attention. So I just have to go off of what I believe He is saying to me through His word and honor Him in the best way I know how and trust that He will meet me in that.

So I explained to Jon that the main thing that was stopping me from pushing for something with him was the fact that my faith had become much more important to me over the years, and I feel like that ultimately I need to be with someone who shares my faith. He said he completely understood that and that he was agnostic/atheist so it makes sense that that would be a deal breaker. He was extremely kind about the whole thing.

And there it was. After 23 years the door was closed.

I cried for probably three days straight. I couldn’t believe how painful it was to let go of him, and let go of this weird dream that I didn’t even realize I had been holding on to for most of my adult life. The whole thing had gone way deeper than I ever had known.

I had been in a pretty bad place when I found out Jon liked me in middle school. I was so insecure, and a couple of weird circumstances in school had made me feel so completely undesirable and unheard and invisible. But then suddenly he saw me and liked me, and suddenly I felt like I did have worth after all. He moved away and we fell out of touch, but I guess I didn’t realize that for all of this time I had been holding on to this idea that there was someone out there far away who was madly in love with me. A lot of my sense of worth came from that idea. Without that I felt like I was back to being this invisible, voiceless loser ghost of a girl.

Having to close the door on that after all these years was so hard and so painful, but I feel like God showed me that it was an area that I had never let Him into to love me and heal me. As long I was drawing this feeling of self-worth from feeling like Jon was out there somewhere loving me I was blocking myself from accepting God’s love, and accepting the full reality of how complete and loved and valued I am in Him.

I feel like God just used this whole thing to heal a huge part of my heart that I didn’t even realize was broken because I had apparently been keeping Jon there all this time, but I can’t believe how much better I feel now.

Then, after all this, an animation studio I applied to work at back in March reached out to me for an interview. Who knows what’s going to happen but it was definitely so encouraging.

I’ll keep you posted :)

Love,

Eulalie

[ladystylestores]

20 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Started a Blog • The Blonde Abroad

I’ve been in the blogging world for quite some time now—I started TBA in 2012—and since then I’ve learned A TON. From SEO to graphic design to creating pillars of content, a lot goes in to starting a successful blog.

I often get questions about how I got started with blogging, and the truth is it wasn’t a simple upward trajectory. It’s been a non-stop learning process and I’ve garnered a number of skills along the way.

No matter what niche you’re focusing on, be it travel, fashion, food, or something else, many of the blogging fundamentals and principles are the same. So, I’m sharing my insight of almost ten years of blogging.

Here are 20 things I wish I knew before I started a blog!

Walk Before you Run

First things first: There’s no quick way to become a successful blogger.

Even if you have 1,000,000 Instagram followers, that doesn’t automatically mean you’ll make a ton of money off of a blog because people engage with different platforms differently. If you focus on entertaining people on YouTube, it might be really difficult to shift your audience to readable content.

If you’re just starting from scratch, you can kind of mold your audience.

Because I started as a blogger, I sort of conditioned my audience to expect for me to have a lot to say. So it’s normal for me to share Instagram posts with long captions and my audience reacts to those. I convert really high on click-throughs for people to read more because I have a massive online resource as a website.

If you’re doing this as a business venture, you’ll definitely need another job/side hustle. Period.

Expect to put in 1-3 years of unpaid work when you’re beginning to blog. Blogging won’t pay you anything for the foreseeable future. Get into it because you have a passion for the topic and truly love it.

This is definitely not a get rich quick kind of thing.

For me, the community I’ve created is one of the number one motivators to keep doing what I do. When readers share how I’ve been able to help them travel or inspire them to pursue their dreams, it propels me forward even when the industry shifts of things get tough.

There is sincere love and passion for what I do and if that wasn’t there, my blog likely would have fizzled out a long time ago.

If the goal is to become Instafamous, blogging might not be the thing for you. It doesn’t happen overnight. However, blogging belongs to you and as platforms change and shift—you own your own content and it will always be there. And when you start ranking on Google, it’s the most solid platform in terms of consistency.

Are your titles engaging and optimized with SEO keywords?

Learn SEO Keywords + Best Practices from the Start

A majority of my traffic and clicks to my blog come from strategically placing SEO keywords and links within posts. I wish I had known this from the start—it would’ve helped organic growth faster and I wouldn’t have to revamp so many posts.

They would be easier for folks to find via search engines from the start!

No idea where to begin? I talk extensively about SEO keywords in this post: How to Keep Your Blog Afloat During COVID-19.

Image Quality

This is a huge one! When I first started out, the majority of my photos were from my cell phone or digital camera. Over the years, I taught myself how to use my camera in manual mode and actually take the photos I want…instead of hoping I get lucky with lighting and focus.

Having quality images on your site will set you apart and show professionalism, too.

Optimize Images

On top of taking top-notch photos, you’ll want to optimize your images so that your site can load faster. When I started blogging, I never resized my images. I pretty much uploaded them straight from my camera. This is a huge FAIL.

Huge images slow down your site. This impacts the reader’s experience, and honestly—if a site is loading too slowly, a lot of the time I’ll lose interest in the page and move on. It’s SO important to upload correctly sized images.

To find an optimized image size for your blog post: Open a blog post, right-click, and press Inspect—the ‘display’ size of that image is what’s shown (ex. 300x500px). For retina display screens, you’ll want to upload an image 2x that (ex. 600px wide) and under 300kb.

Here’s a screengrab of my photo Export settings in Lightroom for reference:

Image Aesthetic + Editing

Whether you’re just starting out with photography or have been shooting for years, presets make a HUGE difference both in overall aesthetic and style, and cut down on editing time.

Let me reiterate, when I first started out, I pretty much uploaded my photos straight from my camera. Maybe I would bump the exposure or contrast a little bit, but I didn’t truly know how to edit my photos with a consistent look or style.

TBA Lightroom Presets

These easy-to-use presets will instantly add a beautiful aesthetic to all of your images!

Shop Now

Branding

Who are you? What is your brand? Who is your audience?

I’ve talked a bit about branding in tips for shooting stunning flat lays and tips for brand-new bloggers wanting to step up their game. While you don’t have to have a professionally designed site, keeping consistent branding is key.

Use the same logo, photo, and username across platforms for brand awareness.

Affiliate Links

You can earn money from your site, but be strategic about it. I like to include things I personally use and love, rather than plugging every single thing that I can link to.

While some affiliate programs require a certain level of viewership, you can earn some income through things like RewardStyle, ShopStyle, and other affiliate programs.

Brand Deals and Partnerships

This ties into affiliate links—know yourself, know your worth, and know your audience. While it’s exciting to be approached by brands and to want to jump at opportunities for bringing in a bit of income, make sure it’s something that you actually believe in and you’re not just chasing dollars.

This boils down to trust and credibility. Sometimes brand partnerships are simply not worth it. Make sure the partnership is right for you and your audience and don’t be afraid to negotiate the terms of the deal.

Approach Everything with Professionalism

Whether you’re working with a big brand, small brand, or replying to comments—your audience matters. I approach everything I do with this in mind.

Backlinking

Contributing articles for other sites with a better DA (Domain Authority) than yours can be great to improve your site’s ranking and get your blog out there! Reach out to other bloggers and sites to see if you can contribute a post or two for backlinking and credit to your site.

Create a Blog Calendar + Pillars of Content

While I usually focus mainly on travel, I also talk about lifestyle, environmentally-conscious topics, blogging as a business, photography, and food.

Figure out what those main things you want to focus on and from there create a blog calendar.

I’d recommend using Google Sheets or checking out some of the handy WordPress planning plug-ins—I personally like CoSchedule.

Be careful not to overload yourself. It’s vital to be completely realistic, especially if you are working full-time. Give yourself time to write quality pieces. If you have time to write more than you expect, that’s great. But if you overbook your time, you will feel constantly behind and stressed out.

Finding an online project manager that works for you is a great tool to keep things organized and on track!

Social Media Strategy

I like using CoSchedule and Tailwind to take out some of the time involved in scheduling socials. Create a schedule that works for you and be consistent. When it comes to planning out Instagram content, Iconosquare and Planoly are wonderful platforms.

Stretch Your Content

For any particular shoot or destination, I can get a number of posts out of them—for both the blog and Instagram. Utilize your content as best as you can and be strategic about what and when you share, and splice things in here and there.

While I do usually travel quite a bit, I am not on the road every single day of the year. It may seem like it as I take tons of photos wherever I go and use them for multiple articles on different subjects or tips about a certain place.

Don’t Put All Your Eggs in One Basket

As in don’t focus solely on one platform. Sure, it’s great to grow your platforms but one day Instagram or TikTok could just disappear (RIP Vine). Understand that things evolve and for me, having a newsletter is one of the key ways to ensure that I can still be in contact with my readers should a platform go down or dissolve.

If you haven’t ventured into the newsletter world before—now might be a good time to start focusing on your email list and sending some love to your own community.

Want to see what my newsletter looks like? Sign up for it here!

Time Block

Sometimes you’re feeling really inspired and can crank out several articles, other times it’s difficult to put words on the page.

Dedicating time to accomplishing certain tasks works well for me, and don’t be afraid to get ahead of your blogging calendar, especially for days when you need to give yourself a little grace.

I swear by time blocking. I like to break up an 8-hour workday into blocks of time (30, 60, 90—whatever is necessary for a given task). Once I assign a project to a block, I stick to it.

This helps so much so I get it done in an efficient manner and I don’t get distracted by things like scrolling through my phone…and whoops—there goes thirty minutes.

Don’t Compare Too Much

This is actually one of the most crucial lessons to learn. I know it’s hard but don’t compare yourself or your blog to others.

Find your niche and focus on that. While it’s good to stay in the know and have a pulse on what others are doing—don’t beat yourself up for not being “enough.” Be confident and what you do and the content you create!

Everyone is at a different stage in their journey.

It Can Be Difficult  to  Turn Off

Even after years of blogging, it can be difficult to “turn off” my blogging cap and clock out for the day. I think this is a thing that happens for many entrepreneurs when you work for yourself and you’re trying to build something and grow it.

You can send an email quickly or check your phone for updates, but it’s important to allow yourself time to decompress and mentally check out of work. Try to establish when that time is and stick to it.

This is really important to me for balancing home life and making sure I am present with my family and my partner.

Don’t Be Afraid to Reach Out

Whether this is for possible collaborations with brands or to other bloggers. My advice here though is have it be mutually beneficial — consider a partnership from their side and what would they get from it?

If you’re just wanting to pick someone’s brain and garner what they’ve spent years learning, offer something in exchange, perhaps buy them a coffee or write several articles for them.

Haters Gonna Hate

Honestly, this is just part of the Internet world and something you will have to rise above. As long as you’re shining and doing what you love, there will likely be folks out there that want to tear you down…just because.

Don’t let it get the best of you!

Learn How to Use Google Analytics

Use this to your advantage to see what’s doing well, what’s attracting readers, and how you can grow your content!

I delve into Google Analytics in my Blogging Master Class—so if you want to learn more, make sure to sign up for it!

Delegate and Hire a Team

When you first start out, you can mostly run your blog for free. For the first three years, I did everything myself but if you want to grow, one of the best things you can do is put money back into your business to scale it.

At some point in order to grow your business and blog—you’ll have to invest back into it.

What does this mean? Hiring professionals to take on tasks (things like an SEO audit, graphic design, video editing, or a blog manager).

I can learn a lot of different things thanks to the University of YouTube and platforms like Skillshare, but sometimes it’s better to hire professionals for the job so I don’t end up “wasting” my time. While I don’t believe learning new skills is a waste, my time and creativity can be more valuable for other aspects of my site and business.

Overall

So there you have it, folks! Those are the major things I wish I knew before I got into blogging. That said, I do think learning some of these things along the way really did help. It taught me what worked, what didn’t and highlighted my perseverance.

Blogging is not an overnight thing and many of these lessons translate to other fields, too! What things have you learned or are you learning from blogging? Let me know in the comments below!

Want More?

Keep learning, growing, and building your brand

Are you looking for more info on how to build an email list? Want to learn how to create a media kit? Learn about brand collaborations, Search Engine Optimization, Google Analytics, and more!

If you are really taking your blog to the next level, you are going to love my Blogging Master Class!

Sign up for the waiting list now to guarantee your spot!

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[etechwire-blog]

Touring Maingear: the hypercar auto shop of gaming PC builders

New Post has been published on https://www.etechwire.com/touring-maingear-the-hypercar-auto-shop-of-gaming-pc-builders/

Touring Maingear: the hypercar auto shop of gaming PC builders

Walking into the headquarters of Maingear, a boutique gaming PC builder based in New Jersey, the building looks like a few that surround it (albeit a bit cleaner): a custom auto body shop.

The front desk and lobby are adorned with countless awards and magazine clippings – with TechRadar’s friends Maximum PC featured among them – resting on shelves and hanging on stark red and white walls.

While showing off a set of sick-looking chassis painted custom by DC Comics artist Tommy Castillo, co-founder and CEO Wallace Santos recalls Maingear’s humble beginnings.

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A stark logo meets visitors in the Maingear lobby, one found predictably plastered throughout.

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The wall of magazine clippings includes fellow Future outlets, like Maximum PC.

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These two chassis were painted by DC Comics artist Tommy Castillo.

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Castillo provided the artwork for Batman Detective and Legends of the Dark Knight.

Newly certified as a networking systems professional, Santos became an independent consultant in 2002. Not long after, a custom gaming PC order gone wrong inspired Santos to try his hand at building computers, already a passion, professionally. 

A lucky break at a CES in Las Vegas and a plug from famed tech pundit Leo LaPorte launched the Maingear rocket, but not without some refinements to its process over the past 15-plus years.

Most of you couldn’t do this at home

You see, Santos is also pretty hot on automobiles, so as a means of spicing up Maingear’s systems, the founder incorporated auto-grade paint jobs to its suite of services – among the first to do so in the US. (Wait until you see how that’s done.)

So, to accommodate Santos’s love for both PC gaming and automobiles, the CEO created a working environment that looks a lot like the custom car shops seen on shows like Pimp My Ride, only with 100% less Xzibit. 

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Because every technology hardware company practically requires such an area.

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Your first sight stepping into Maingear’s assembly area. There are three such building stations.

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Each of these gray bins contains the components of exactly one custom-ordered gaming PC.

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The end results tend to look like this.

Beyond embodying Santos’s love for custom cars, the attention to detail and tailored service that scene is known for is what the founder and his team care about capturing.

What that looks like is a large garage stands behind Maingear’s office building.The shop buzzes with the sounds of whirring hand drills and snapping cable cutters. 

The first sight upon walking inside are PC builders putting elaborate desktop rigs together, but not at record speed. They’re moving quite quickly, but with precision. They know these chassis in and out, taking one gray bin of PC parts off the shelves at a time and fitting them perfectly inside a variety of chassis, some original designs. Those perfect-looking fits grow challenging when the customer orders hardline liquid cooling, much less choosing which pipe fittings to use.

(Seriously, sometimes the leadership team and system builders deliberate for hours on which pipe fittings to order – the attention to detail is fierce.)

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Maingear’s custom-fitting these Quadro GPUs to a new motherboard for a silent rendering rig.

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Here’s more of that custom GPU work being done in-house.

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And, here’s where those custom-fitted Quadro GPUs will eventually appear.

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This is one of two enormous imaging rigs.

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One of several options for how your Maingear PC will be shipped.

When the PCs are finally built – which sometimes involves customizing components to work in specific scenarios, like the above Nvidia Quadro GPUs going into what will be a silent graphics rendering machine – they’re taken to these Matrix-looking monitor rigs for imaging.

It’s here that Maingear custom images each ordered machine, whether it be a laptop or desktop, according to his or her requests and only those requests. This means only the drivers that the customer needs or wants. And, yes, this includes the HP Omen and Razer R1 machines that Maingear builds and sells in tandem with those brands.

The images are delivered by an OPK server that can fully install a built PC’s BIOS and operating system – drivers and all – in just seven minutes. Now, that’s fast.

When you’re building PCs with this kind of care, time can’t be wasted on imaging systems.

See that small, black bottle to the right of the counter? We weren’t kidding

When a PC is ready to ship, Maingear offers several different boxing options, from straight-up (albeit reinforced) cardboard to plastic crates and luggage-style, plastic shipping crates. But, no Maingear shipping container is closed without getting a spritzing of some new car smell.

It’s at this point that we’re taken out of the building and across the driveway to another garage, but this one is outfitted to be an automobile-grade painting operation. 

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This is where Maingear paints its various custom PC chassis.

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This is what one looks like primed. Doesn’t that painting gear look familiar?

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It’s all the same tools and techniques used when painting automobiles.

Looking just like the spray booths at auto body shops, Maingear has hired ex-auto painters to apply their skills to its line of PC chassis.

Save for what’s actually being painted, nothing about the process is different from that of painting an automobile, we’re told. The result being, of course, is a PC worthy of a photo studio, where all of Maingear’s opulent videos are shot.

Maingear’s auto-inspired approach to building PCs seems to pay off in the results

Take this gorgeous gaming rig custom built for famed DJ and producer deadmau5, for instance.

So, when you order a gaming PC from Maingear, this is where and how your PC is built, egregious chrome pipe fittings and all.

TechRadar’s fourth annual PC Gaming Week is officially here, celebrating our passion with in-depth and exclusive coverage of PC gaming from every angle. Visit our PC Gaming Week 2018 page to see all of the coverage in one place. 

First published April 2017