Tumgik
#sometimes people react poorly to high stress environments! That is not a reflection on their true values and/or judgement :)
negativepeanuthoarder · 5 months
Text
hot take: someone reacting poorly during a crisis is not them showing their “true colors”, it’s them showing how they react under stressful circumstances :)
5 notes · View notes
warsmith-38 · 3 years
Text
How I would do RWBY pt.9
Season nine
RWBY and JN(P)R and the jobbers are all prepping to take the fight to Salem.
Big military invasion is planned targeting the Grimmlands.
Atlas is used as staging ground.
Atlas military, Ilia’s White Fang, SDC militia, Raven’s bandits, Mistral defense force, Menagerie commandos, and more are there to help.
Everyone even vaguely connected to Ozpin’s Council sends aid.
Vacuo’s defenders will lightly pepper the southern coast to make it seem like they’re still planning on attacking from Vacuo.
Everyone has scenes together about emotions and fears and whatever.
Invasion begins.
Goes well. A beachhead is established, casualties are minimal, and grimm are curtailed rather easily.
Normandy was a success.
They have to do what they came to do as fast as possible before Salem’s grimm from the south cross the continent.
The distraction did its job, but now they’re on their way.
That’s when the offensive grinds to a halt because nothing is ever that fucking easy.
Skirmishes become common, but no greater progress is made.
Then the casualty reports keep coming in.
Everyone except Ozpin reads them.
Morale is lowering, which in turn makes the grimm stronger, which lowers morale further and so forth.
Ironwood says that they need a big symbolic victory to restore morale and get things back on track.
Idea is a blitz, push as hard and fast into the Grimmlands as possible, consolidating as much territory as possible along the way.
Myrmidon is the only real strategic obstacle in the way.
Time is of the essence so plan is a go.
Night before the blitz.
Ruby gives a speech to WBY and JN(P)R.
Says that they’re all the best friends she’s ever had and that, even with all the problems going on, the time they’ve spent together has been the best time of her life.
Everyone has a few more scenes together.
Tai has a moment with his girls.
Raven tries to further apologize to Yang in her own way.
Weiss and Winter have video call with Willow and jailtime Jacques.
Blake has a moment with her parents who came with the Menagerie Commandos.
JN(P)R vow to each other that they’re going to either get Pyrrha back or put her to permanent rest.
Qrow and Ruby have moment together.
Ruby says she’s both out of her mind terrified and incredibly excited to kick ass at the same time.
Qrow says that that’s about right for Summer’s daughter.
Day of the blitz.
Coalition forces charge forth with the fury of…an uninterrupted carpool. What the hell?
There’s no fucking grimm.
The entire army is advancing into hostile territory completely unopposed.
Jaune and Ironwood realize what’s happening at the same time.
Sometimes the best defense is an overwhelming fuck you of an offense.
Pyrrha had withdrawn as many grimm as she possibly could in the timeframe and condensed them into two massive combined hordes.
And she’s sending those two hordes, in a pincer maneuver, directly against the sides of the coalition blitz’ spearhead.
Swarms of grimm hit them like a tidal wave.
The offence halts right then and there.
Fighting is brutal and ground is taken and lost at an alarming rate.
RWBY is shining beacon of hope against the darkness.
Killing droves of grimm as fast as the laws of physics allow.
Pyrrha gets involved.
JN(P)R intercept her.
Fight goes similarly to the last two but with one major difference.
Jaune, in his desperation, takes a blade to the leg and wraps Pyrrha in a bear hug, flooding her with his healing aura just to see what happens.
He doesn’t know what the hell it’s going to do, if anything, but it’s all he has at this point.
Pyrrha tosses him off but is visibly stunned and starts convulsing.
Her human parts are being affected by Jaune’s healing.
This gives them enough time for Ruby to blast her with white fire.
Pyrrha gives Jaune a sad look of longing before she collapses into his arms, once again dead and fading away into the wind.
JNR is sad at seeing their friend die… again.
The grimm lose all cohesion and even begin infighting a little at the complete removal of coordination.
The blitz continues all the way to Salem’s Sanctum.
They encircle and lay siege.
Salem and Ozpin communicate.
It’s finally here, isn’t it? The moment they both’ve dreamed about.
Chaos or order. Which will win in the end?
The day of fate has fin’ly come.
The siege is going rather poorly after about a week or so.
No headway is being made on being able to directly assault the Sanctum.
Artillery has little to no effect due to a magic bubble shield.
Swarm of incredibly powerful grimm operate as a sort of moat preventing infantry incursions.
Flying grimm lead to similar results on aerial attacks.
RWBY and JN(P)R are involved in latest offensive.
It fails. Pretty hard too.
Every day that goes on the more people get killed by the grimm.
This lowers morale.
This causes more, stronger, grimm to show up.
Same problem as before the blitz but with even more stressed logistics.
Scouts report that the grimm horde from the south is going to show up in under a week.
The worst part is that it would take just over a week for coalition forces to pack up and retreat.
Goodie.
Cinder has a moment of actually having a conscious and says she has a solution.
She knows of a way past Salem’s defenses and directly into the Sanctum.
The Cavern of Remembrance. (Yes, I’m nabbing the name from KH2FM, roll with it)
Rumor has it is that it’s a tunnel full of vengeful spirits of the departed.
Many have gone mad attempting to go through it.
Tyrian was the last to make it through, probably because he was pretty crazy to begin with.
Salem does nothing with it because the vast majority of people that go through there don’t make it out and those that do are either easy enough to kill on the other side or are susceptible to recruitment.
Ozpin makes the plan to send a strike team through it.
Should they survive, Ozpin will have Raven open a portal to give them a clean shot at killing Salem.
Nobody really likes this plan but they have few alternatives.
Decide that RWBY, JN(P)R, and CEMN would be the best options for the strike team.
Most of them (particularly Ruby and Jaune) cringe at the idea of working side by side with Cinder but roll with it because Salem is a much higher priority.
The teams get ready to go off.
Tensions are high.
Cinder leads them to the entrance of the cavern.
Everyone takes a moment to steel themselves and enter.
The great majority of the walk through the cavern is just that, walking.
So far it’s just a fucking cave tunnel.
Ren and Nora disappear.
It’s a straight, almost featureless, tunnel so they have no idea what the hell just happened.
Emerald and Mercury disappear next. Then Weiss, then Jaune, then Blake, then Neo, then Penny.
Ruby, Cinder, and Yang are alone now.
Yang gets a little angry, thinking that Cinder set them up.
The argument stops when they see a completely out of place cottage door ahead of them.
They enter it and are shocked to see Summer Rose, happily sitting with a pot of tea ready to pour.
The cavern is a font of old magic. It allows those who enter it one chance to speak to the departed spirit of someone emotionally close to them. Not necessarily a loved one, but someone important, good or ill.
As it turns out this has the habit of often making people want to ‘reunite’ with their loved ones or get killed by the spirit of the one they hated.
Ren and Nora are talking to their respective parents. They tell them that they’ve made it after all.
Weiss is talking to her grandfather. Calls him an old fart that history will only remember as a huge cunt.
Blake is talking to Adam. Specifically, depressed Adam that has lost the psychopathic streak.
Penny is talking to herself, the version of her that Cinder killed. Very trippy and self-reflective.
Emerald is talking to her mother. The last genuinely good influence she’s ever had before going good.
Mercury is talking to (read: says three words to and then starts fighting) his father.
Neo is…okay not talking, but with Roman. He teases her for going legit.
Jaune is talking to Pyrrha. Big happy lovers’ reunion.
Conversations range from tear soaked reunions to vitriol filled shouting matches to straight up fights.
Important bits, aside from emotional closure are as follows:
Mercury doesn’t get his semblance back from papa but awakens what would have been a second one.
It’s Armstrong/Greed style body hardening.
Jaune and Pyrrha have a moment properly saying that they love each other but are cut off prematurely, showing that Salem has resurrected her again.
Jaune has a new plan.
Everyone either connects again with the deceased and gains new resolve, or get pumped by telling the dearly departed dickhead to fuck themselves.
Ruby and Yang get confused as to why Cinder is there with them.
Cinder mouths off like a rude fuck.
Summer scolds her and calls her ‘Cinder Rose’.
Do the plot-twist dance, c’mon. (This was the thing that the Mad Scientist tried to reveal to Ruby)
As it turns out, Cinder is Ruby’s long lost fraternal twin that was stolen by Salem and raised in a horrible orphanage until Salem could come and ‘save’ her.
It was almost a contest between Ozpin and Salem.
Ozpin’s kid living in a well-structured and sheltered place with Salem’s living in a shitty environment with constant hardship. The one who’s system made the better kid, wins.
C+R+Y mutual BSOD.
After a few good shouts and some crying Summer tells her girls that she’ll always love them and be proud of them.
Summer and the cottage fade away and C+R+Y are really unsure as to what to make of this revelation.
Cinder is in the worse emotional shape she’s been in in the series.
They all agree to keep it quiet and just get on with things.
Repress now, react later.
Eventually everyone gets through their meetings and meet up at the exit of the cavern.
They’re right at the base of the Sanctum with the entrance to it in front of them.
Ruby shares brief secret words with Neo, Blake, and Emerald as everyone else is distracted.
They send a radio signal, Raven opens a portal and she, TQ, Ironwood, Glynda, Winter, and Ozpin come through.
Everyone moves into the Sanctum.
They enter the main foyer and Salem is standing atop the stairs waiting for them all dramatic and shit.
Says thank you to Cinder for giving her the opportunity to kill Ozpin.
Cinder calls her a bitch.
Says that she’s going to kill her for her mother’s sake.
Salem says that that’s easier said than done.
Myrmidon attacks with a shitload of grimm, including very crude resurrections of Tyrian, Roman, Adam, and some other jobbers.
It’s almost insulting how poorly done they are compared to Myrmidon.
Salem put all her time and effort into Myrmidon.
Big battle royale extravaganza.
The various resurrected try and fuck with people psychologically. Roman saying he never loved Neo, Tyrian bragging about killing Summer, and such like that.
This works on no one and the resurrected get decked but at least they tried.
The Council, baring Ozpin, get tied up against grimm.
JN(P)R distract Myrmidon and get her away into a separate room.
RWBY and CEMN get at Salem directly.
Salem boss fight start.
JN(P)R manage to redo the plan to knock off Myrmidon’s helmet.
Myrmidon believes she knows what they’re planning to do.
JN(P)R know she knows this and have planned around that plan she planned against their plan.
It makes sense, shut up.
Jaune kisses her and floods her with as much healing semblance as he can.
She almost dies, y’know, again, but the grimm taint is healed away from both the healing semblance and Jaune’s aura jumpstarting her aura again with the power of love.
N(P)R’s aura’s flood into Pyrrha as well because friendship and jury rigging Penny’s artificial aura system.
Pyrrha is unconscious, scarred, and in very poor shape. But she’s alive again, truly.
Not that they’d try it, but attempting similar plans with the other resurrected would have just destroyed them due to their comparably shabby creation.
JNP(P)R’s story is now wrapped up.
Yay!
RWBY and CEMN vs. Salem is still going on.
Lots of fire of both orange and white.
Fuck it, black fire too from Salem.
Summons and hallucinations.
Rage mode and NANOMACHINES SON.
Clone decoys and illusions.
Salem is enraged that she’s losing, decides fuck it and starts just blowing shit up with magic.
Ozpin comes in with the assist when Salem has taken a few hits.
He wants to kill-steal like a noob.
Ruby smiles as her own plan has come together.
Fight goes on, big spectacle, you know the deal.
Big crazy god powers combating each other.
TL;DR Salem and Ozpin stab each other at the same time.
Ruby had Neo, Blake, and Emerald fuck with both of their perceptions with their semblances to as many degrees as they can, making mutually assured destruction… assured (shut up).
Ruby even brags to both of them about it.
“There is no need for gods that only take,” –Asura (A really angry dude)
Calls both Ozpin and Salem bitches.
Both are enraged but the prophesy is fulfilled. Only one can kill the other so both now die.
So die the two worst mass murderers in the history of the planet.
It’s a BIGASS explosion.
Ruby wakes up at home, hoping to unholy fucking hell that this whole thing was not just one long dream after the Fall of Beacon.
It wasn’t.
Everyone is there to see Ruby and tell her that, yes, Salem and Ozpin are super dead.
Everybody wins.
Everyone else lived (She’s especially happy to see Pyrrha) and even got her flowers.
The one that draws her eye is the one that people say is the newest, a black rose.
It has a note saying ‘Ruins of Beacon. One week. –C’.
One week passes.
Ruby goes to the ruins of Beacon, alone, armed as she usually is.
Cinder is waiting for her.
Ruby doesn’t really want to fight Cinder now. She’s even talked to whatever authorities remain about getting Cinder a level of amnesty for helping in the last couple seasons.
Cinder tries to bait her into getting angry and attacking her but Ruby calls her bluff and tells her to just be honest for once in her life.
Cinder says that due to her upbringing she needs to contextualize events in a specific way.
Ruby needs to beat her in a fight. Properly.
No berserk insanity, no grimm arm weaknesses, just the definitive one on one show of strength.
Only then can she accept the reality where it’s possible for her to be sister to such a good entity as Ruby.
Otherwise she’s just going to fuck off to parts unknown, content with her stupid worldview.
Ruby tells her to stop being such a chuunibyou, but admits that she still has some shit to work out herself and the best way she knows to do that is a fight.
Ruby vs. Cinder.
Vergil 3 motherfuckers.
The definitive, badass, rival match, season and series final boss fight.
The wheel of fate is turning, heaven or hell, let’s rock!
The fight goes through everything.
Going from shooting, to melee, to fire duel, back to melee, to hand-to-hand, ending in a MGS4 style exhausted slugfest, all interlaced with flashbacks and shit, culminating in a mutual cross-counter.
Final punch, both of them nail each other on the cheek.
They glare at each other for a second, each other’s fists in their faces.
Cinder falls (ha) over first.
Ruby declares victory before collapsing next to her.
They have an absolutely exhausted heart-to-heart.
They reflect on the events of the series and accept each other as sisters.
Cinder accepts the name, ‘Cinder Rose’.
Four months later.
World is recovering from the conflict well.
Grimm still exist.
As long as negative emotions exist, Salem’s grudge will also. But without centralized control, the grimm are just hyper-combative and aggressive animals that crop up now and again, but can be curtailed easily enough if direct threat is posed.
Hunters still need to exist, but grimm aren’t world ending level threat anymore.
RWBY has been enjoying a little time off together as they do minor logistical work.
JNP(P)R have been palling around doing the same as RWBY, very much enjoying having Pyrrha back.
Team CEMN is now official with its members working as a sort of penal squad to work off their respective sentences.
They’ve got house arrest in their downtime though.
Only exception is when they’re working or have supervision from someone trustworthy.
Better than prison or doing the hempen jig so... take what you can get.
Kingdoms use the framework of Ozpin’s surveillance system as a communication and connectivity network instead of a ‘big brother’ type system of control.
Big get together with everyone.
Beacon is about to reopen under Headmaster Qrow Branwen.
RWBY and JNP(P)R decide that getting the Hunter GED equivalent might be the best option for them, considering they’re infinitely more experienced than any first year has a right to be.
Agree to a grad-student type arrangement to still be involved, though.
Everyone’s having a good time. Everyone’s connecting and blowing off steam.
Ruby peaks out and goes off on her own for a particular reason.
Ruby has final moment of series, talking to Summer’s grave.
Turn around and sees all her friends, family, and teammates.
Says she loves them all, half talking to the audience as well.
Red Like Roses plays as it fades to statues of Team RWBY in a cathedral or altar type place.
Fin.
Season nine done.
War arc done.
Series done.
Boom-shakalaka.
 Season of mini-episodes mostly for the fluff, fun, and because I say so.
1. Cinder awkwardly bonding with her new family, despite her best efforts.
2. Raven having a moment with Tai and Qrow about Summer.
3. Pyrrha reuniting with her family post-resurrection and dealing with the fallout of Myrmidon.
4. Weiss and Blake visiting Jacques and Sienna in their respective prisons.
5. Ironwood, Glynda, and others talk about Ozpin, reflecting that he really was kind of an asshole.
6. Team CEMN on mission, very slowly becoming actual friends.
7. Team CFVY make plan to transfer back to Beacon during sparring match with SSSN.
8. Flashback episode for team RWBY when they were children and still had much to learn.
9. Ilia and Blake talking about the restructuring of the White Fang.
10. Un-incarcerated Schnees talking about the future of the company.
11. RWBY and CEMN little sparring fun for stress relief.
12. Flashback thing with team STRQ, going through their forming and breaking.
13. Cinder going on an apology tour. (Pyrrha still hates her guts but not enough to kill her).
14. Qrow and Raven have big over the top dork duel because they’re both dorks.
15. JNPR has moment of “Wow, we REALLY didn’t sign up for that but we made out fine enough,”
16. Team SSSN wondering just what the holy hell all that was about.
17. Ciel and Penny reaffirm their friendship with each other, even though their team is long gone.
18. Flashback to Salem and Ozpin’s original falling out, showing that they were assholes even back then.
19. RWBY are made official huntresses and start a proper career of grimm killing and peace keeping.
20. Flash forward a generation or three later and someone telling their kid/grandkid team RWBY’s story.
 I did this because I felt the need to and nobody could stop me. Too many aspects of the show pissed me off just a little too much and I know that all this amounts to is my insane ramblings, but I did it anyway. Will I ever be put in charge of an actual RWBY reboot or something of that measure? Fucking no. Will this change anyone’s minds? Probably not. Was this entertaining to read? I certainly hope so. But, in the end, I had a ton of fun doing this and have made the points I wanted to make. That’s just about all I care about in the end.
I regret nothing.
9 notes · View notes
hismalice · 7 years
Note
EVERYTHING !!! JK, EVERYTHING THAT STARTS / HAS THE # 2 IN IT!!
CHARACTER SOLIDIFYING / accepting !
djkdgjdj jesus. ok this is going under a readmore
2. Their mother? How do they think of her? What do they hate? Love? What influence - literal or imagined - did the mother have?
     komaeda’s mother was distant, as was his father. she had good intentions, but often executed them poorly; constantly busy with work. she contributed massively to his self esteem complex, often scolding him for the symptoms of his illness such as oral fixation or slow, awkward speech. after her death, komaeda generally stopped thinking about either of his parents entirely; fixed on the belief that there’s no point holding onto memories of the dead. her passive criticisms continue to influence him, though, partially explaining his constantly self-deprecating sense of humour.
12. How does their education and intelligence – or lack thereof - reflect in their speech pattern, vocabulary, and pronunciations?
   naturally, komaeda is very intelligent, and has an innate knack for problem-solving; on top of that, his parents sent him to prestigious schools due to their wealth. after he was diagnosed with cancer he stopped attending school regularly, but his education continued through correspondence; due to the high-class, repressed environment, his way of speaking became very formal and polite, even when talking to people he’s familiar with. 
    however, a symptom of his dementia is slow, repetitive or confusing speech; he became very attached to decorative affirmatives such as ‘right’ and developed a tendency to repeat himself; as a result, the complex reasoning that goes on inside his head doesn’t always communicate well, meaning his actions often seem utterly nonsensical and impossible to justify by any logic.
20. What were the most deeply impressive political or social, national or international, events that they experienced?
    komaeda paid next to no attention to world events throughout his life, simply because he was so socially isolated. the most important social event he’s experienced would likely be the tragedy and ultimate despair. 
21. What are your character’s manners like? 
     komaeda is, technically, very well mannered - he doesn’t swear, always bows deeply; at a first impression, he’s very respectable. however, his dementia has left him somewhat socially impaired; an extended conversation with him will therefore almost always result in him saying something entirely inappropriate, making a tasteless joke, and just generally behaving in a socially unacceptable way. 
22. Who are their friends? Lovers? ‘Type’ or ‘ideal’ partner?
    he can happily be friends with almost anyone, due to the fact that he’s genuinely interested in and supportive of most people he meets (though whether they’d consider him a friend is another matter). he likes potential and people he can’t predict; generally, he’s drawn to strong, talented, charismatic or impressive people. when he decides he likes someone, it’s very easy for him to hyper-fixate on them, and build them up to practical godhood in his mind. sadly, he’s rarely interested in people who treat him well. 
23. What do they want from a partner? What do they think and feel of sex?
   komaeda is unfortunately very self-destructive in relationships and intimacy. what he really wants isn’t what he actively seeks out; usually he will look for a partner that makes him feel useful to them - unlike most people, komaeda feels genuinely empowered by being used for another’s gain.
   in accordance with his own masochistic nature, he’ll often try to provoke a partner into injuring or otherwise abusing him. in reality this is because he thrives off attention, and doesn’t care whether it’s positive or negative; since he’s unused to positive attention, he rarely seeks it out. 
   sex, in the same vein, isn’t an entirely healthy experience for him. his interest in sex is less for his own pleasure and more to being used for someone else’s, in the belief that’ll make them like him, and want to keep him around. 
  while he does invite and request violence from sexual partners, though, he is in reality just looking to feel wanted and valued. kissing, being embraced, hands in his hair; those are more likely to genuinely help support him, rather than knock him down further. unfortunately, he’s incredibly hard to love, and while he craves it, he will probably reject tenderness or gentleness most of the time. 
24. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?
komaeda doesn’t take part in many activities, and generally is more of an observer of social groups rather than a part of them. when he is involved, though, he prefers to play supporting roles, helping other people shine. 
25. What are their hobbies and interests?
he doesn’t really have many beyond uh, ‘plotting’ and ‘puppeteering’ and ‘being choked’ 
26. What does your character’s home look like? Personal taste? Clothing? Hair? Appearance?
it’s very impersonal; he’s accustomed to not having many possessions or personal space, given all the years he spent at the hospital. however, he likes pretty things like ornaments and postcards, and collects them when he can. his clothing is generally very simple and loose, and tends to be in very muted colours; he rarely wears colour at all except for dark greens or reds. 
his hair is messy, overgrown and unkempt. it’s very thick and unruly; as a result he rarely brushes it. as a result of his devastating illnesses, both his hair and skin are dry and lack life or luster. his body is emaciated and underweight, bones jutting out and bright blue veins visible under the skin. if he were healthier, he could be called objectively attractive in a feminine way, but his pallor and personality both take away from beauty he might hold. 
27. How do they relate to their appearance? How do they wear their clothing? Style? Quality?
he hates his appearance and has no confidence in it, having often been put down for it as a child. as a result he doesn’t put much effort into how he looks beyond washing. most of his clothes are oversized or ill-fitting, other than his jeans.
28. Who is your character’s mate? How do they relate to him or her? How did they make their choice?
this is verse depending so!! however, komaeda is canonically in love with hinata/kamukura, both because of his talent and simply because he finds him fascinating.
29. What is your character’s weaknesses? Hubris? Pride? Controlling?
where to begin - he’s insensitive, apathetic, inappropriate, cruel at times; socially impaired, violent, no impulse control, horrendously manipulative, morally deranged with little regard for most human life, unmotivated, both overly pessimistic and optimistic at the same time; quick to give up or deem people of no worth; self-destructive, rude without realising, overfamiliar and unbelievably sycophantic. 
32. How does your character react to stress situations? Defensively? Aggressively? Evasively?
generally he’s unresponsive to stress situations, and will meet them with a smile and overly optimistic or nihilistic attitude; sometimes both. he is very used to stressful situations, given his entire life has basically been one, so they don’t (visibly) affect or shock him. 
42. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?
love; belief that there’s a reason for him to exist; hope. 
4 notes · View notes
foursprout-blog · 7 years
Text
9 Mindful Ways to Remain Calm When Others Are Angry
New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/9-mindful-ways-to-remain-calm-when-others-are-angry/
9 Mindful Ways to Remain Calm When Others Are Angry
When someone upsets us, this is often because they aren’t behaving according to our fantasy of how they “should” behave.  The frustration, then, stems not from their behavior but from how their behavior differs from our fantasy.  Let’s not get carried away.  Calmness is a superpower.
Over the past decade, there’s a way of being I’ve gradually been cultivating in myself—I’ve been taming my tendency to get angry and argue with people when their behavior doesn’t match my expectations.
As human beings, we all have an idea in our heads about how things are supposed to be, and sadly this is what often messes our relationships up the most.  We all get frustrated when things don’t play out the way we expect them to, and people don’t behave like they’re “supposed” to.  We expect our spouses and children to act a certain way, our friends to be kind and agreeable, strangers to be less difficult, and so on and so forth.
And when reality hits us, and everyone seems to be doing the opposite of what we want them to do, we overreact—anger, frustration, stress, arguments, tears, etc.
So what can we do about this?
Breathe…
You can’t control how other people behave.  You can’t control everything that happens to you.  What you can control is how you respond to it all.  In your response is your power.
When you feel like your lid is about to blow, take a long deep breath.  Deep breathing releases tension, calms down our fight or flight reactions, and allows us to quiet our anxious nerves so we choose more considerate and constructive responses, no matter the situation.
So, for example, do your best to inhale and exhale next time another driver cuts you off in traffic.  In a recent poll we hosted with 1,200 new course students, overreacting while fighting traffic was the most commonly cited reason for overreacting on a daily basis.  Just imagine if all the drivers on the road took deep breaths before making nasty hand gestures, or screaming obscenities at others.
There’s no doubt that it can drive us crazy when we don’t get what we expect from people, especially when they are being rude and difficult.  But trying to change the unchangeable, wanting others to be exactly the way we want them to be, just doesn’t work.  The alternative, though, is unthinkable to most of us: to breathe, to let go, to lead by example, and to accept people even when they irritate us.
Here’s the way of being that I’ve been cultivating and advocating:
To breathe deeply, and often.
To remind myself that I can’t control other people.
To remind myself that other people can handle their lives however they choose.
To not take their behavior personally.
To see the good in them.
To let go of the ideals and expectations I have about others that causes unnecessary frustration, arguments, and bouts of anger.
To remember that when others are being difficult, they are often going through a difficult time I know nothing about. And to give them empathy, love, and space.
“Being” this way takes practice, but it’s worth it.  It makes me less frustrated, it helps me to be more mindful, it improves my relationships, it lowers my stress, and it allows me to make the world a slightly more peaceful place to be.  I hope you will join me.
Smart Ways to Remain Calm
If you’re ready to feel more peace and less inner angst, here are some ways I’ve learned to remain calm and centered, even when those around me can’t seem to contain themselves.  These principles reinforce the bullet points above, and when you consistently practice these principles, the world within you and around you becomes a lot easier to cope with.
Let’s practice, together…
1.  Get comfortable with pausing.
Don’t imagine the worst when you encounter a little drama.  When someone is acting irrationally, don’t join them by rushing to make a negative judgment call.  Instead, pause.  Take a deep breath…
Sometimes good people behave poorly under stress.  Don’t you?  When you pause, it gives you space to collect your thoughts and it also allows the other person the space to take a deep breath with you.  In most cases, that extra time and space is all we need.
2.  Respect people’s differences.
Learn to respect the opinions of others.  Just because someone does it differently doesn’t make it wrong.  There are many roads to what’s right in this world.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
So choose your battles wisely.  And just agree to disagree sometimes.
It is absolutely possible to connect with, and even appreciate the company of, someone you don’t completely agree with.  When you make a commitment to remain neutral on matters that don’t matter that much, or speak respectfully about your disagreements, both parties can remain calm and move forward, pleasantly.
3.  Be compassionate.
In the busyness of today’s world people tend to be worried, fearful, hurting and distracted about everything.  The word compassion means “to suffer with.”  When you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes, you give them the space to regroup, without putting any extra pressure on them.
Remember, we never know what’s really going on in someone’s life.  When you interact with others in stressful environments, set an intention to be supportive by leaving the expectations, judgments and demands at the door.
4.  Extend generosity and grace.
Everyone gets upset and loses their temper sometimes.  Remind yourself that we are all more alike than we are different.  When you catch yourself passing judgment, add “just like me sometimes” to the end of a sentence.  For example:
That person is grouchy, just like me sometimes.
He is so darn impatient, just like me sometimes.
She is being rude, just like me sometimes.
etc.
Choose to let things GO.  Let others off the hook.  Take the high road today.
5.  Don’t take people’s behavior personally.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if you take everything personally, you will be offended for the rest of your life.  And there’s no reason for it.  Even when it seems personal, rarely do people do things because of you, they do things because of them.  You know this is true.  You may not be able control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.  Make that decision for yourself today.
Let it go!  Seriously, there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s beliefs and behaviors.  The way people treat you is their problem, how you react is yours.
Everyone behaves the way they behave based on how they feel inside.  Some people never learn how to effectively cope with their stressful emotions.  When someone is acting obnoxious, it’s vital that you remain calm, no matter what.  Don’t allow other people to knock you off your center.
Do what it takes to remain calm and address the situation from the inside out.  That’s where your greatest power lies.
6.  Talk less and learn to appreciate silence.
Don’t fall into an unnecessary argument just because you feel uncomfortable in silence.  Don’t say things you’ll regret five minutes later just to fill your eardrums with noise.  Anger and frustration begins internally.  You have the capacity to choose your response to momentary discomfort.
Inhale.  Exhale.  A moment of silence in a moment of anger, can save you from a hundred moments of regret.  Truth be told, you are often most powerful and influential in an argument when you are most silent.  Others never expect silence.  They expect yelling, drama, defensiveness, offensiveness, and lots of back and forth.  They expect to leap into the ring and fight.  They are ready to defend themselves with sly remarks cocked and loaded.  But your mindful silence?  That can really disarm them.
7.  Create a morning ritual that starts your day off right.
Don’t rush into your day by checking your phone or email.  Don’t put yourself it a stressful state of mind that’s incapable of dealing positively with other people’s negativity.  Create time and space for a morning ritual that’s focused and peaceful.
Here’s part of my morning ritual:  I take ten deep breaths before getting out of bed, I stand up and stretch, and then do ten minutes of meditation.
I challenge you to try this—it has been life-changing for me—but start small with just three deep breaths and three minutes of meditation a day.  Do this for 30 days.  After 30 days, if this daily ritual becomes easy, add another two breaths and another two minutes to your ritual.  When you begin a day mindfully, you lay the foundation for your day being calm and centered, regardless of what’s going on around you.  (Note: Marc and I build small, daily, life-changing rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)
8.  Cope using healthy choices and alternatives.
When we face stressful situations, we often calm or soothe ourselves with unhealthy choices—drinking alcohol, eating sugary snacks, smoking, etc.  It’s easy to respond to anger with anger and unhealthy distractions.
Notice how you cope with stress.  Replace bad coping habits with healthy coping habits.  Take a walk in a green space.  Make a cup of tea and sit quietly with your thoughts.  Listen to some pleasant music.  Write in your journal.  Talk it out with a close friend.  Healthy coping habits make happy people.  (Note: This is covered in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of our book.)
9.  Remind yourself of what’s right, and create more of it in the world.
Keeping “the positive” in mind helps you move beyond the negativity around you.
At the end of the day, reflect on your small daily wins and all the little things that are going well.  Count three small events on your fingers that happened during the day that you’re undoubtedly grateful for.  For example:
My family and I made it home safely from work and school today.
My spouse and I shared a laugh.
Our meals filled our stomachs.
etc.
And pay it forward when you get a chance too.  Let your positivity empower you to think kindly of others, speak kindly to others, and do kind things for others.  Kindness always makes a difference.  Create the outcomes others might be grateful for at the end of their day.  Be a bigger part of what’s right in this world.
Your turn…
The most fundamental aggression to ourselves and others—the most fundamental harm we can do to human nature as a whole—is to remain ignorant by not having the awareness and the courage to look at ourselves and others honestly and gently.
With this in mind, I’d love to hear your thoughts about this article.  What resonated with you?  What didn’t?  Is there anything else you would add to the list?
Please leave me a comment below and share your thoughts.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
(And finally, a special “thank you” to our good friend Tess Marshall, who volunteered at our Think Better, Live Better conference last week and subsequently sparked the idea for this article—and also provided her beautiful insights as it was being written.)
0 notes
Text
9 Mindful Ways to Remain Calm When Others Are Angry
New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/9-mindful-ways-to-remain-calm-when-others-are-angry/
9 Mindful Ways to Remain Calm When Others Are Angry
When someone upsets us, this is often because they aren’t behaving according to our fantasy of how they “should” behave.  The frustration, then, stems not from their behavior but from how their behavior differs from our fantasy.  Let’s not get carried away.  Calmness is a superpower.
Over the past decade, there’s a way of being I’ve gradually been cultivating in myself—I’ve been taming my tendency to get angry and argue with people when their behavior doesn’t match my expectations.
As human beings, we all have an idea in our heads about how things are supposed to be, and sadly this is what often messes our relationships up the most.  We all get frustrated when things don’t play out the way we expect them to, and people don’t behave like they’re “supposed” to.  We expect our spouses and children to act a certain way, our friends to be kind and agreeable, strangers to be less difficult, and so on and so forth.
And when reality hits us, and everyone seems to be doing the opposite of what we want them to do, we overreact—anger, frustration, stress, arguments, tears, etc.
So what can we do about this?
Breathe…
You can’t control how other people behave.  You can’t control everything that happens to you.  What you can control is how you respond to it all.  In your response is your power.
When you feel like your lid is about to blow, take a long deep breath.  Deep breathing releases tension, calms down our fight or flight reactions, and allows us to quiet our anxious nerves so we choose more considerate and constructive responses, no matter the situation.
So, for example, do your best to inhale and exhale next time another driver cuts you off in traffic.  In a recent poll we hosted with 1,200 new course students, overreacting while fighting traffic was the most commonly cited reason for overreacting on a daily basis.  Just imagine if all the drivers on the road took deep breaths before making nasty hand gestures, or screaming obscenities at others.
There’s no doubt that it can drive us crazy when we don’t get what we expect from people, especially when they are being rude and difficult.  But trying to change the unchangeable, wanting others to be exactly the way we want them to be, just doesn’t work.  The alternative, though, is unthinkable to most of us: to breathe, to let go, to lead by example, and to accept people even when they irritate us.
Here’s the way of being that I’ve been cultivating and advocating:
To breathe deeply, and often.
To remind myself that I can’t control other people.
To remind myself that other people can handle their lives however they choose.
To not take their behavior personally.
To see the good in them.
To let go of the ideals and expectations I have about others that causes unnecessary frustration, arguments, and bouts of anger.
To remember that when others are being difficult, they are often going through a difficult time I know nothing about. And to give them empathy, love, and space.
“Being” this way takes practice, but it’s worth it.  It makes me less frustrated, it helps me to be more mindful, it improves my relationships, it lowers my stress, and it allows me to make the world a slightly more peaceful place to be.  I hope you will join me.
Smart Ways to Remain Calm
If you’re ready to feel more peace and less inner angst, here are some ways I’ve learned to remain calm and centered, even when those around me can’t seem to contain themselves.  These principles reinforce the bullet points above, and when you consistently practice these principles, the world within you and around you becomes a lot easier to cope with.
Let’s practice, together…
1.  Get comfortable with pausing.
Don’t imagine the worst when you encounter a little drama.  When someone is acting irrationally, don’t join them by rushing to make a negative judgment call.  Instead, pause.  Take a deep breath…
Sometimes good people behave poorly under stress.  Don’t you?  When you pause, it gives you space to collect your thoughts and it also allows the other person the space to take a deep breath with you.  In most cases, that extra time and space is all we need.
2.  Respect people’s differences.
Learn to respect the opinions of others.  Just because someone does it differently doesn’t make it wrong.  There are many roads to what’s right in this world.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
So choose your battles wisely.  And just agree to disagree sometimes.
It is absolutely possible to connect with, and even appreciate the company of, someone you don’t completely agree with.  When you make a commitment to remain neutral on matters that don’t matter that much, or speak respectfully about your disagreements, both parties can remain calm and move forward, pleasantly.
3.  Be compassionate.
In the busyness of today’s world people tend to be worried, fearful, hurting and distracted about everything.  The word compassion means “to suffer with.”  When you can put yourself in the other person’s shoes, you give them the space to regroup, without putting any extra pressure on them.
Remember, we never know what’s really going on in someone’s life.  When you interact with others in stressful environments, set an intention to be supportive by leaving the expectations, judgments and demands at the door.
4.  Extend generosity and grace.
Everyone gets upset and loses their temper sometimes.  Remind yourself that we are all more alike than we are different.  When you catch yourself passing judgment, add “just like me sometimes” to the end of a sentence.  For example:
That person is grouchy, just like me sometimes.
He is so darn impatient, just like me sometimes.
She is being rude, just like me sometimes.
etc.
Choose to let things GO.  Let others off the hook.  Take the high road today.
5.  Don’t take people’s behavior personally.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if you take everything personally, you will be offended for the rest of your life.  And there’s no reason for it.  Even when it seems personal, rarely do people do things because of you, they do things because of them.  You know this is true.  You may not be able control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.  Make that decision for yourself today.
Let it go!  Seriously, there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s beliefs and behaviors.  The way people treat you is their problem, how you react is yours.
Everyone behaves the way they behave based on how they feel inside.  Some people never learn how to effectively cope with their stressful emotions.  When someone is acting obnoxious, it’s vital that you remain calm, no matter what.  Don’t allow other people to knock you off your center.
Do what it takes to remain calm and address the situation from the inside out.  That’s where your greatest power lies.
6.  Talk less and learn to appreciate silence.
Don’t fall into an unnecessary argument just because you feel uncomfortable in silence.  Don’t say things you’ll regret five minutes later just to fill your eardrums with noise.  Anger and frustration begins internally.  You have the capacity to choose your response to momentary discomfort.
Inhale.  Exhale.  A moment of silence in a moment of anger, can save you from a hundred moments of regret.  Truth be told, you are often most powerful and influential in an argument when you are most silent.  Others never expect silence.  They expect yelling, drama, defensiveness, offensiveness, and lots of back and forth.  They expect to leap into the ring and fight.  They are ready to defend themselves with sly remarks cocked and loaded.  But your mindful silence?  That can really disarm them.
7.  Create a morning ritual that starts your day off right.
Don’t rush into your day by checking your phone or email.  Don’t put yourself it a stressful state of mind that’s incapable of dealing positively with other people’s negativity.  Create time and space for a morning ritual that’s focused and peaceful.
Here’s part of my morning ritual:  I take ten deep breaths before getting out of bed, I stand up and stretch, and then do ten minutes of meditation.
I challenge you to try this—it has been life-changing for me—but start small with just three deep breaths and three minutes of meditation a day.  Do this for 30 days.  After 30 days, if this daily ritual becomes easy, add another two breaths and another two minutes to your ritual.  When you begin a day mindfully, you lay the foundation for your day being calm and centered, regardless of what’s going on around you.  (Note: Marc and I build small, daily, life-changing rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)
8.  Cope using healthy choices and alternatives.
When we face stressful situations, we often calm or soothe ourselves with unhealthy choices—drinking alcohol, eating sugary snacks, smoking, etc.  It’s easy to respond to anger with anger and unhealthy distractions.
Notice how you cope with stress.  Replace bad coping habits with healthy coping habits.  Take a walk in a green space.  Make a cup of tea and sit quietly with your thoughts.  Listen to some pleasant music.  Write in your journal.  Talk it out with a close friend.  Healthy coping habits make happy people.  (Note: This is covered in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of our book.)
9.  Remind yourself of what’s right, and create more of it in the world.
Keeping “the positive” in mind helps you move beyond the negativity around you.
At the end of the day, reflect on your small daily wins and all the little things that are going well.  Count three small events on your fingers that happened during the day that you’re undoubtedly grateful for.  For example:
My family and I made it home safely from work and school today.
My spouse and I shared a laugh.
Our meals filled our stomachs.
etc.
And pay it forward when you get a chance too.  Let your positivity empower you to think kindly of others, speak kindly to others, and do kind things for others.  Kindness always makes a difference.  Create the outcomes others might be grateful for at the end of their day.  Be a bigger part of what’s right in this world.
Your turn…
The most fundamental aggression to ourselves and others—the most fundamental harm we can do to human nature as a whole—is to remain ignorant by not having the awareness and the courage to look at ourselves and others honestly and gently.
With this in mind, I’d love to hear your thoughts about this article.  What resonated with you?  What didn’t?  Is there anything else you would add to the list?
Please leave me a comment below and share your thoughts.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
(And finally, a special “thank you” to our good friend Tess Marshall, who volunteered at our Think Better, Live Better conference last week and subsequently sparked the idea for this article—and also provided her beautiful insights as it was being written.)
0 notes