#sonic: i believe in women's rights to shut the fuck up

[wprowers]

there's no way to stop me now

i love amy is it noticeable

First | Next

[esoteriamaya]

I bought a reading from ancientgoddessofegypt and I am late with my review I promised due to literal failing health and I wanted my review to be perfect for her due to her kindness, talent, speed, and AUTOMATIC SUPER SONIC HYPNOTIC FUNKY FRESH talent and so I am using lyrics as the 90s baby I am.

And emojis cos I right now cannot toss actual biodegradable glitter at her and plan a super cool party in her honor because

1. I'm fucking broke

2. I'm actually dying. Cancer, tumors, PCOS or endo? They dunno but they said they'll get back to me soon! And it was rude of me asking for results at 5pm on Friday. She really did hang up on me.

3. I am 32 and I wanted to see BTS in 2025 and after being suicidal since I was 9 and holding on for so long and now to maybe having cancer and dying before 2025 BTS TIME is lowkey annoying me. I didn't even unwrap my YOONGI MERCH I GOT WHEN MY ASS HAD MONEY BEFORE I GOT SICK.

4. I really said fuck it we ball, and now I might not get to ball? Ain't that bout a bitch.

BUT HER READING WAS THE BESTEST EVER AND I AM BEGGING YOU TO NEVER EVER ADVERTISE ON ETSY FUCK YOU ETSY AND YOU ARE MORE THAN A STAR YOU ARE TALENTED AND KIND AND KINDNESS IS SO RARE THAT I REALLY DO THINK I GAVE WON LOTTO WHEN SOMEONE GOES I HEAR YOU.

When I tell y'all that I was told by my sperm donor today that my dying is upsetting to him because I never told him about my "health problems" and I said wait. I have told you since I was in the single digits and you always replied "I don't wanna hear that shit" and I went? Then how am I suppose to tell you I am dying? "YOU ARE HURTING MY FEELINGS FOR A PAST MISTAKE"

*looks into the camera like the office*

Me informing you of my weak immune system and doing so for 32 years of you knowing me and saying to shut the fuck up if I mention pain is a wild take to have when the pain finally means dying, but ok!

I have literally had several seizures, a constanr fever, and I now have no immune system, and I went damn I ain't even gonna see BTS in 2025 and now I'm in trouble for being sick in the open while in charge of 3 disabled adults with no money.

My tone of dying offendes him.

He went on to blame my poor mental health and believing him when he said he studied my ADHD.

He literally said, no! It WAS YOUR JOB TO INFORM ME OF YOUR SYMPTOMS BUT YOU JUST JUMP SUBJECT TO SUBJECT AND RANT WHEN I ASK FOR HELP.

I really did give up on life there I did. Because I then asked, so me saying several things in several sentences to explain 32 years of health problems is making you angry and making you feel bad because I said I am now dying due to you ignoring my health and I wanted to know what I can do for you and mom before I die since I am well, dying.

Me dying from problems I continued to tell you about and you kept telling me it was rude to talk about and unladylike is now my fault? Because I should have said it nicer?

When I cried in pain you told me to shut the fuck up.

When I went quiet you yelled at me saying I was a bitch.

Now I am dying and don't look pretty, and you're upset I closed my door to cry about me dying.

While I am literally cleaning up your liquid shit, mom's pee stained mattress, and now grandma's dementia and novody left me money to do antthing but a text saying God Bless ajd WATCH YOUR TONE!

I'm laughing because deadass, God forbid women do anything.

Tumblr, am I the asshole for asking how I can continue to be of perfect daughter service although I am actively dying and trying to inform parents of said dying when for years they told me to "shut the fuck up" and "all you young people do is talk about death"!

Doesn't matter now folks. I am out of time soon unless some deity steps in, the USA healthcare system thinks of black women as humans, and I can afford said treatment.

But wild how me dying and not looking pretty got the VA doctors to step in and finally ask for extra testing because "hmmm you have little to no immune system and this will hurt your chance of becoming pregnant" let's take a look?

I asked for help for over a decade now, and was told help would arrive when my husband and I want children and I do not get pregnant quickly.

I'm 32, a virgin, and asexual. But thank you for that solid medical advice.

Red state? Well technically the world thinks Georgia is purple aka red and blue and a swing state, but I've been here since I was in 6th grade and it's absolutely red.

But you're black?

Yes. And the black people here are mainly red. And Christian. I am not.

"Move?"

Chronic pain and several disabilities not taken serious because I am "pretty, smart, and have a smart phone". I have literally less than $1000 in my bank account and at this point I'm just drinking energy drinks and buying my cat whatever she wants.

Yoongi, my bestie in my head, the fucking way I might not get to see you in person again with the whole BTS squad and Halsey...

I really said fuck it, we ball, and the universe said girl... The thing is...

Yoongi, bro I got this new galaxy z flip4 with the last of my savings (shoutout to backmarket for letting me coupon while dying awoman) and i only update my phone every 3-5 years and only for under $300 lmaooooo and bro...

Min Yoongi I don't even get to write you a sticky note saying "please wear saftey glasses when sanding wood, the dust can be harmful to your eyes and if i had a wood shop class you would be escorted out for not having glasses on and if you said but it's not big deal i would go 🫥 and nod and smile.

And because I LOVE YOU i am going to be in the spirit of Swag Surfin for you. But my heart? I am going this dumbass water sign really on the front row of Samsung who I thought he owned in 2021 but he don't, and he not gonna own it cos he thinks sanding wood WITHOUT glasses is no big deal. All purple everything frfr but bro... What the fuck. i gotta get him to be safe with wood and DUST i am... bro... the dust! Samsung ceos Min Yoongi is the best at rapping and being cool forgive his woodwork vlogs without safety glasses i know in his HEART THAT IS FULL OF PURPLE LOVE is committed to greatness. (please help me use this z flip 4 phone b4 i die i'mma figure it out)

someone: she's dying and beefing with a kpop dude not wearing safety goggles while in a wood working area and sanding? am i reading this review of services correct? 🤔🤔🤔

yeah. libra sun libra mercury libra mars. scorpio rising. lilith in capricorn. virgo moon. iconic huh? 😉

i wanna be in a pink jumpsuit recycling in Barbie land with pink safety equipment. but i'm in the real world and was shoved to the air force for being too smart and conviently poor.

the usa doesn't have a conscription its so much better than south korea hehehe says the online western chatter

Shoutout to us niggas in the usa, and when i say us niggas, i mean us black girlies who were told we talk too white and we better NOT have a baby with our fast ass and you better do better than them cos they not gonna listen to you anyways, oh and fuck your man hating ass for thinking your father and brother and male family members should treat others with respect! ya lil oreo ass think you too good now thinkin you know things. God don't like ugly! and you thinkin that sex without consent is rape is crazy talk and you need to mind ya fuckin business and what the fuck you mean i'm abusive? I GAVE YOU FOOD CLOTHING AND TOYS AND NOW YOU WANNA BRING UP OLD SHIT ABOUT ME NOT BELIEVING YOUR PAIN? WELL I DID THE BEST I COULD AND YOU YOUNG FOLKS TODAY THINK DEATH DEATH DEATH AND THE TIKITY TOK AND HUMAN RIGHTS AND THE WHITE MAN GOT TO RAPE FOR YEARS AND GET AWAY ON TV WITH IT BUT OUR MEN GET IN TROUBLE? NOW?SEEM LIKE BULLSHIT TO ME! WHY YOU KEEPING A BROTHA DOWN????? WE ALL WE GOT. IF YOU JUST KEEP GOD IN YOUR HEART AND STOP LISTENIN TO THEM LIL GAY ASS KPOP BOYS WITH MAKEUP YOU'D KNOW. AND BELIEVE HER? SHE WAS THE ONE WITH WEAVE DOWN TO HER ASS AND AT THE CLUB AT 2AM SHE SHOULDA KEPT HER BLACK ASS IN THE HOUSE MAKIN HER PUSSY MUSIC SEE Y'ALL WANT EQUAL RIGHTS BUT IF I HIT YOU YOU WANNA CRY FOUL SEE THATS THAT BULLSHIT YOU CANT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS BITCH. ANYWAYS DO YOU. I KNOW WHATS RIGHT.

*applauds Tyler Perry movie of a black man mocking a black woman in a dress*

*applauds Kanye for speaking the truth about "the Jews"*

*says black women should know better than to leave home at night, on the weekends, at rush hour, during the holidays, and while being alone*

*makes fun of darker skinned black women*

*frames Bull Cosby as innocent and Aaliyah was a whore who asked for it and her parents signed the papers so what can you do*

*i'm not against the gays* *calls crying bitch ass behavior*

*judges black women for hair(all hair, long short curly straight she should know better either way)*

*if you read the poor dad rich dad book then you'd be somewhere*

*yells at cashier for not smiling* so you don't want a job? entitled bitch doesn't deserve $15 for standing there!* worker not getting even $10 but go off i guess?

*when you having kids? i wanna spoil someone now*

*You always bringing up that man hating white women shit.*

I asked for equality and you said I hated men. You told me she's a whore, and she's a man hating dyke bitch. She's pretty and she's ugly for thinking she is pretty.

She better take care of her whole family, and start her own while being independent and knowing her place, under the Man.

Questions? Disobience. Liberal arts bullshit.

Black Lives Matter. BOUT DAMN TIME.

Black women? Well you see.... She wore this and sure girl power but not like that, and what do you mean this is bad? she asked for it being in the dark in the movies in room with men in that building in that lip gloss in that area without an alarm without a gun she knew better!

I don't know any black men who has mistreated a girl like that! she lyin! i can tell by the way she looks. lyin ass raggity black bitch. this why black men hate y'all lil weavealicious black bitter bitches.

"i'm sick of trump and his bullshit shit." *parrots trump talking points word for word* no this different because i have never hit your mother even though i should have beat her ass for the way she talked to me and i told her everyday to be thankful i don't hit her and that me calling her stupid isn't so bad because other women have marks so fuck you for saying i hate women when i forgave my nephew for sexually assaulting several women because God said forgive and that is MY opinion!

he, my black dark skinned father and light skinned black mother says "we all we got" and i am just an oversensitive bitter man hating bitch who needs to calm down cos other people have it worse.

we. all. we. got.

then i ain't got shit huh.

Anyways it be ya own squad.

Dying at this point would be a relief from the hell that has been being a black woman in the USA in the last 32 years.

But the love reading i got gave me strength to speak up about my troubles to one more person and the woman started a direct case for getting me help.

i'll keep y'all updated if you want.

if this is confusing i am sorry frfr but at this point i'm lowkey not caring about typos

and i am so sorry my samsung homies but the emojis...

whew... they ugly.

Yoongi. Yoongi. Yoongi

i turnedback on my old ass cheap ass iphone and got a new number within like 15 hrs of switching to samsung.

the way my libra ass couponed 2 phones and under $50 for 2 phone lines is kinda iconic for a dying poor bitch huh! 🤌🏾

😷😷😷😷😷😷😷😷😷😷😷😷😎🧐🤠

i just wanted to use the cowboy emoji cos heehaw and i was a horse girl and this could probably explain so much if i thought about it more but i'm not cos i'm sleepy and found a cherry vanilla coke and i wanna play the bts island game. add me borahae hoes everyone welcome soon as i remember my login in

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💓💓💓💓💗💗💖🩷💖💞💞💕💕💕❣️❣️💟💘💘💘💌💌💌🩷🩷🩷💜🧡🩵🧡💙💛💚💛💚💛💜🧡🤎🩷❤️💞❤️🩷💥💥💥💫💫💫💯💯💯💯💯

buy her reading i am so serious.

like i am literally wanting to know how much more time i have left from testing for several varioua bad outcomes and i am using my time to write this I AM SO SORRY I AM LATE SIS I REALLY AM!!!!!

OMG I LOVE YOU!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEW BABES I LOVE THIS <33333333

[operation-619]

What if the reader is an alien that has the same power as superman and stronger than Homelander? The reader works at the Vought and doesn't know the corruption in it until Butcher told the truth. Homelander acts soft on her when they see each other, and Homelander was still confused about his feelings and put his ego shit first. I kinda wanna see Homelander battling the reader when she was trying to protect Ryan and Butcher while Maeve hasn’t arrived yet. She will make him bleed.

Even the strongest man Bleeds.

Edited 17-01-21

Homelander x Alien! Reader

Warning: mentions of blood, language, mentions of death and murder. Violence read at your own risk. 

Bold italics- inner dialogue, Bold- the past. 

WC - 3.1k

Masterlist

“The compound V is what makes them, supes. It’s not real and the golden boy, your Homelander, is the most corrupt motherfucker I have ever met. We need your help (Y/N). Please?” his voice was hoarse, the stress in his words were leaking onto his face. She could see the worry on his face, but she couldn’t bring herself to believe the men in front of her.

“You’re lying to me. Billy Butcher, you have a lot of nerve coming here, you and your gang are mortal enemies to Homelander right now. It’s not safe.” The muscular black man scoffed at her statement and leaned back against the seat. He seemed relaxed but his eyes constantly sweeping the place told (Y/N) otherwise.

“I swear, come back with me and I will show you everything. Please?” his eyes crinkled at the sides as he pulled his face into what looked like a poor attempt at a pleading face. (Y/N)’s mouth was just forming the word ‘NO’ when the man called Mother’s Milk chuckled and leaned forward.

He whispered, “he doesn’t ever say please,” and stood up from the booth and walked out of the café. Her mind was racing, weighing the pros and cons of her current situation. She considered whether or not they were just baiting her into a trap, but she was confident that she could make her way out of it. But it isn’t everyday that two men come waltzing into her favourite café, sit themselves down like they own the place and cough up a semi-convincing story about the corruption at Vought.

“Fuck it,” she whispered under her breathe, “fine I’ll come, it’s good to go out your comfort zone once in a while.” The smile on her face made Billy look at her with confusion painted on his rugged features. She stood, and gestured Butcher to show her the way, “just so you know, I don’t believe you at all.”

(Y/N) replayed her past movement in her head carefully over and over again, and yet she still could not believe how naïve she truly was. But here she is sat in a car that smells like Old Spice, waiting for Frenchie to get the speakers ready. She threw her head back against the headrest and released a shaky breath; everything she believed and knew had been a lie to her. Including John. ‘Oh dear god John, what have you done?’ Her thoughts were getting too loud, they were screaming at her asking how she could’ve been so stupid to not know.

‘How could you not know?’

‘It was right in front of your face you idiot’

‘Your really are a cunt!’

(Y/N) squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her temples, the stress of all the sudden information was taking a toll on the woman. Whimpering under her breath, she opened the car door and inhaled the cold air. Closing the car door, she leaned against it and watched as the group of friends conversed amongst themselves. The plan was to set off the sonic device and John to go over and destroy the source, and when he does Billy and Becca will drive and get Ryan. She still didn’t know why she was needed, (Y/N) was still processing the information she was given 48 hours ago.

“Okay, 15 minutes and everything will be all set,” the French accent let her know who was talking, but she wasn’t paying that much attention when she felt the hairs on the back of her neck arise.

“Get in the cars!” she whispered harshly, her arms waving about ushering the people back into the cars. (Y/N)’s breath shallowed once everyone was in their respected cars, she creeped forward and looked upwards, watching as the uncovered Nazi zoomed by. She vividly remembered the moment she had met that woman. (Y/N) never trusted that woman, something about the way her heart leaped when an opportunity to hurt someone arose. (Y/N) also didn’t like the way John was towards her, all bark, and no bite- vulnerable.

(Y/N) had never seen John so vulnerable around anyone except her.

The metallic taste in the air is what told (Y/N) that Stormfront had just flown by, the hair on the back of her neck relaxed and so did her posture. Walking over to Butcher, she waited until he rolled down his window before she spoke; “She’s seen the leaked news, my guess is she is going back to Vaught to see what caused that, fiasco.” She heard another window come down, not doubt Frenchie and the others.

“Was she alone?” without turning around she nodded. (Y/N)’s tongue ran across the bottom of her teeth before she turned around and faced the two cars, the cars holding the people that brought the truth to her naïve and simplistic eyes. “What exactly am I doing here? Because, you have the weapons, metaphorical and physical to defeat them. So please, tell me why I am here?” her eye followed the movements of the human bodies getting out of the cars. She could see the look on Becca’s face, and she didn’t like it.

“We’re gonna use ya.” Her (E/C) eyes shot towards MM, he stood there tall and domineering, with his hands on his hips. “Starlight, or Annie told us how soft Homelander is on you. And if things go south, you are our pawn.” (Y/N)’s hearts faltered.

“You humans are so pathetic. I mean, I am old. Older than all of you put together, so I have seen shit that no one can imagine. But the one thing that never changes is the utter stupidity of you homo-sapiens, the selfishness and carnage that I have experienced puts my species to shame.” (Y/N) paced back and forth, her anger evident as black veins started to appear under her (E/C) eyes.

“(Y/N). Please, MM didn’t mean it like that,”

“I did. I did mean it exactly how I said it Becca,” (Y/N) stalked the movement of the vigilante group. Her hearing was being drowned by the loudness of her beating hearts. She watched as Becca stepped forwards and stopped right in front of her.

“My son, who was conceived in the most- my son is in there. I don’t know if you have had children before. But I am not going anywhere until I have my boy in my arms. So please, help me.” (Y/N) flinched when she felt warm hands placed onto her cold shoulders, echoes of her past resonating inside her head. She now understood the look on Becca’s face, the look of a mother- a childless mother that no longer understands their purpose in life. Because she was one.

“Okay, but I want this on my terms.”

The little boy was screaming when (Y/N) landed behind John, crying for his mommy to wake up. She looked around, seeing the two women laying lifeless. She was too late to save them. The metallic taste in the air was getting stronger the closer she walked towards the pandemonium. The woman that confided in her mere moments ago, now lay with blood flowing out the cut in her neck. She watched as Butcher tried to stop the bleeding his white hands now crimson. His whole body covered in blood, soaking him to his soul.

Turning her head, (Y/N) saw John knelt next to Stormfront or what is left of her. The burnt woman mumbling in what sounded like German. “Ryan- ‘her attention went from the barbequed supe to John, ‘did you do this?”

“He didn’t mean to John,” she watched his whole-body flinch at the sound of her voice, she was happy to see his face finally, to get some sort of justification. But the feeling that shot through her body was the complete opposite, the look in his eyes reminded her of herself, and she didn’t like it.

“What are you doing here, I thought you left?” he surged forward and cupped her face, (Y/N) placed her hand on his chest and the other on his hand. She closed her eyes and inhaled her John deeply. “(Y/N), you have no idea, I. I don’t understand.” The beating of his heart grounded her for a moment, everything around them disappeared for a moment as the two of them were caught in their own bubble. But (Y/N) knew the bubble had to be popped. And she had the sharpest needle to do it with.

“John, what happened on the plane.” She was met with silence, the hands gripped her face harder, but her eyes still remained closed. “You left them all to die, didn’t you?”

“I did not leave them to die, I tried to save them. You know this (Y/N), why are you asking me this.” His mouth was talking but his heart told her the truth. Releasing a soft sigh, (Y/N) stepped back from John and finally opened her eyes. The bubble burst when his blue eyes met pitch black, her pupils had flooded the white out leaving a demonic presence behind, the black veins appeared all over her body pulsing violently.

“I know everything John, you have been lying to me. I trusted you, and you know that.” He started to mutter words that didn’t make sense to her, his hands anchored in his hair. (Y/N) watched as the great Homelander fell apart right in front of her, Earths favourite and mightiest hero crumbled under the pressure of words.

“Now let them go John. Please?” when his blue eyes met hers, the look rivalled hell itself. His jaw twitched, tongue pocking out to lick his bottom lip. He never broke eye contact with her, his eyes tracked her like predator to prey.  (Y/N) moved cautiously, never turning her back to John. Once she was stationed in front of Butcher and the kid, she placed her right arm out and behind her. (Y/N)’s ears were ringing, the power surging through her was immense and yet she felt weak. Weak, it wasn’t a word her species spoke, and she never heard of such a word until she came to earth. Vulnerable, weak, powerless, helpless, defenceless, and fragile; all these words are now part of her vocabulary, and she was feeling every single one of them as she looked at the man she had come to love.

(Y/N) had given him not just one but both of her hearts. He was the first person that offered her his hand when the rest of this new world beat her down with their harsh words, he taught her how the ways of her new life, he was her new life. (Y/N) may have been a celestial being, but she knew when something wasn’t right. At first, she thought John was just trapping her, the distance – although not physical – was fluctuating between then constantly; first John welcomed her with open arms, then he kept her at arms-length when they got too close and then the cycle repeated.

But through all the shit he had put her through, she was still there for him. until now.

“We are going to leave, and you will never trouble them again.” Her vision was sharp as she watched the wrecked man in front of her chose the option she hoped he wouldn’t.

“You know I can’t do that, he’s my son.” And with that he charged towards them, eyes red with hunger and rage. His path changed when he felt a fist connect with his cheek, sending him flying into a tree. His world spun, staggering up onto his feet he made eye contact with the shell of the woman he loves. Her black eyes reminded him of a starless night, an abyss that was forbidden to travel.

Something cold dripped onto his lip, and out of instinct his tongue licked it away, he thought nothing of it until the unfamiliar taste of blood slithered its way down his throat. His naked hand came up and delicately touched his nose, he hissed in pain when his calloused hand touch it, retracting his hand he look in bewilderment at the blood sat there taunting him on his hand.

“You broke my nose,” his voice was meagre but loud enough for her to hear the vulnerability in it.

She turned to Butcher and the child hurriedly telling them , “get away from here, quickly,” and before she could turn back around, she was pinned to the muddy floor. Her face caked in the mixture of blood and dirt; she could feel John’s breath on her neck. Without a second thought she flung her head back and used the distraction to spin around and wrap her hand around the heroes throat. (Y/N) paid no mind to the thoughts pounding in her head, she wasn’t about to let them stop her from – whatever she thought she was doing.

“(Y/N) … (Y/N). please.” the air around them froze, she wanted answers but standing here with her hand around the nations saviour’s throat was not the way she needed to get them. “You lied to me John, the one person who promised to never lie to me. You betrayed my trust.” She threw him to the ground.

“You had me working for monsters. They never helped people!” the wind started to pick up around them, her (Y/H/C) hair danced ferociously around her face, a face that was covered in black veins pulsating in rage. (Y/N)’s head snapped to the right when she heard a twig snap, her vision was met with Butcher and the kid watching her in astonishment and fear. The kid was hiding behind Butcher, just his head poking out watching (Y/N) beat up his father. And god did he look like John. 

(Y/N)’s body moved before she could even realise what was happening, her left hand came up to stop the blow coming her way and then she knelt down, using John’s momentum against him, she throw him over her shoulder. But the outcome wasn’t in her favour as he managed to land on his feet. And then he was charging at her. Punches were thrown and bodied flung everywhere, (Y/N) couldn’t bring herself to kill John, but it felt good to hurt him.

 “He’s my son (Y/N). He needs me!” his words were met with a foot to his chest.

 “No one need you John, not after what you did,” her elbow jabbed into his stomach, causing his arms to release her waist, she looked at his body lying pathetically on the forest floor. Americas strongest man, the embodiment of patriotism and pride had fallen to his knees.

 “(Y/N), you have and always will need me’, his blue eye sparkled with malicious intent, ‘no one wanted a freak roaming our home, but because I stood by your side, they welcomed you. But the moment I’m gone. You will be nothing. But a monster to the people you love so much.” Blood came flying out of his mouth as he spat his words at her. His armour had crumbled and all he had left was his words.

 “Stop” the alien smiled at the hero on his knees, her eyes only moved off his body when she felt a presence next to her. John started to get up, but (Y/N) swiftly moved forward, wrapping her arm around his neck, and gripping his hair with her free hand. She forced him to stay down, on his knees.

 Maeve came into sight, moving cautiously like she was afraid he would brake from his bond. She stopped when she was right in front of the disgraced hero. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” (Y/N) could feel John shaking in her grip. The two looked at each other in silence for a while, their eye contact unbreakable. (Y/N) spared a glance at Butcher, who was still stood in the same place.

 “You’re going to let them go,” the man in question scoffed but immediately fell silent when (Y/N) tightened her grip on his hair. He cleared his throat, moving subtlety before answering the Queen. 

“And if I don’t?” his ego spoke louder than the words coming out of his mouth, he was confident that everything was going his way. Both Maeve and (Y/N) knew that. But the moment Maeve held up the recording of the plane (Y/N) could physically feel The Homelander admitting defeat. The cries of the passengers echoed through her head, along with the bullshit lie the man in her arms fed her. ‘there was nothing we could do, the terrorist had too much control I tried to save them (Y/N). I tried.’

“You’re going to stop hunting Starlight, you’re going to leave me and Elena alone. Or I release this.” there was no room for argument, and he knew that. But he had to open his mouth. “If you do that, I’ll destroy everything and everyone.” (Y/N)’s grip tightened, she dragged his head backward and brought her lips to his bloody ear. Her voice was cold, no hint of vulnerability, no hint of emotion. 

She could feel his bones quaking under her arm as she tightened her hold on the man she had come to love. The man that made everything feel less painful, the man that she called a true friend. But standing here in the middle of a forest with two dead women, a sobbing child and a emotionless man; she realised that what her people said about the human race was true. And John had proven that to her. It took everything in (Y/N) not to simply break his neck but she wanted him to hurt. 

She wanted him to bleed.

 So, she looked up at Maeve and signalled her to get the two boys out of here, she wanted to be alone with him. she willed herself to calm down, she knew she wasn’t in the right headframe to talk to John because if she did so now, his head would be lying two feet way from his body. So, she whispered to the man calmly, hearts no longer racing with hatred or fear. She let the venom in her voice speak for itself as she whispered to Homelander. But she let man she loved hear the pain in her voice, because the man she was holding was not her John, her John had died the moment Butcher and Mother’s Milk sat down across from her in the café. However, (Y/N) had comfort as she let the ten simple words leave her mouth, because she knows that no matter how much Compound V is pumping through his body. Even the Strongest man bleeds.

 “If you do that Homelander, I will make you bleed.”

|=|=|

Hello beautiful people, I hope you enjoyed my little piece, feel free to leave comments about what you liked and didn’t like, I’m okay with a bit of constructive criticism I believe it will help me get better, and if you want anything else.

[1995lahaine]

for the album thing i think you should rank iliwys AND that version of the debut that includes every single ep. for a laugh

jesus fucking christ. now. here’s the thing. i was a 1975 fan pre-debut i was insane at 14 okay. so i cannot call the eps part of debut. so im going to rank them alone and therefore this shit is going under a cut. also beware those who will click you’re about to get a very revealing look into my relationships with drugs sex and love all through the ranking of one of the most overrated bands of all time. but debut and eps will always hit for me

eps:

antichrist. it’s a perfect song unfortunately

you. i am a you girl it is SUCH a good song i have had so many breakdowns to this. unfortunately i have had this exact relationship before as well HA

milk. girls who swore off drugs at 21 after an awful couple of years rights!

me. iconic depression song

chocolate. forever banger

haunt / bed. love a long sad synth

sex. great driving song

the city. i spent 3 weeks learning to play this on the drums perfectly

head cars bending. it hits it does it does. will say that the remix version is so much better though

fallingforyou. LOVE a long sad synth

so far it’s alright

hnscc / facedown

woman. shut the fuck up matty healy

debut: (shoutout to me meeting george at big day out 2016 and having a RIGHT good time)

menswear. god the drop at 1:39 of menswear - the 1975 will always fill me with feelings

settle down. one simply must dance

heart out. yeah <3

talk! 

chocolate. once again it’s a forever banger

pressure

sex. see above

the city. see above

girls. i could once play this (badly) on guitar. but matty healy, please stop talking about women, i want to be depressed and thinking about drugs

robbers. YES depression drug anthems!!!

is there somebody who can watch you. won’t go into it but yes this is the sadboy content i asked for

the 1975. home many times are they going to release this same song with a different arrangement. you are not charli xcx with clique/c2.0 stop. fucking trying. also this is where im gonna say im not counting an encounter or 12 in this ranking but consider them to exist here

M.O.N.E.Y. matty healy just like i don’t want to hear you talk about women i don’t want to hear you talk about money silver spoon bastard. wish that weren’t the theme of the song bc it really does hit sonically

iliwys: here’s where i say i literally only care about like 5 songs on this album this is where they fell off for me :/

if i believe you. RELIGION DEPRESSION AND DRUGS? wish this didn’t hit for me in the way it does.

somebody else. 80s pop. the sheer amount of times the word body appears in this song is a piece of genius matty healy could never have intended

loving someone. i love the mixture of synth sounds and ‘real’ sounds in this song but also matty you are not as clever as you think you are i hate you

the ballad of me and my brain. yelling!

love me. i know most people hate this song but i think it’s one of their coolest musical arrangements there was nothing that sounded like this at the time it was released

the sound. it’s so much fun :)

ugh! i’m not giving it up again <3

everything else

a change of heart. i fucking HATE YOU MATTY HEALY SHUT UP ABOUT WOMEN

[liamscxtt]

a day in the life ; self para

when: thursday, august 28th

where: literally everywhere

nb: just a brief (long) narrative of what the typical day looks like for liam.

trigger warnings: homelessness, death and drug mentions, drug abuse

5:00am

there’s a moment when you first wake up when everything is just a haze. a moment when you forget who you are, what day it is -- all of your problems just don’t exist, for that moment. the moment only lasted a few seconds before the blaring sound of the alarms coming from the phone bring you back to the brutal aspects of reality. and yet, those were the best five seconds for liam.

groaning, he turned over and tapped on his screen, desperately trying to shut the alarm off; the bright screen burning his already sleep deprived eyes. he probably only got about three hours of sleep, if that. he was used to it at this point, and then there were days like today. days where he wanted to wither into the depths of his own self-loathing. 

he looked out the window to see the sun beginning to rise. a sky painted with shades of blues, purples, and oranges, almost like a messy yet somewhat neatly put together painting made by a middle schooler. there was something beautiful about waking up with the sun, parts of it that brought him peace. his sister loved watching the sunrise - she always went on and on about how sunrises were the true underdog; how mother nature picked it’s most beautiful mixture of colors for the sunrises, all because it took a special person to appreciate the beauty that came from it. he never really understood what she meant, until he was forced to watch the sun rise every single morning. and as always, she was right. sunsets had nothing against sunrises. 

these quiet mornings were the best part of liam’s day. the hours where he felt most connected to his sister and to himself. the hours he felt truly at peace. it was crazy to think that liam’s favorite time of the day was between 5:00am and 6:30am. 

he turned on his car to play youtube on his aux before climbing out of his vehicle. the sweet melody’s of the soft pitched tunes filled his car and the immediate area surrounding it, and a smile creeped on his face as one of her favorite songs began playing in the background. he wasn’t religious, but there was a part of him that truly found strength in knowing that his sister wasn’t far away. 

he rolled up the worn down mattress topper, collected his pillow and blanket in one hand. he broke down his bed as he pushed the backseat of his 2006 ford escape upright and neatly tucked his belongings into his trunk. 

5:30am

he pulled into the vacant parking lot of the soulstice gym. the gym was set to open in a half hour; luckily for him, there weren’t many college students that would dare to wake up at the crack of dawn just to work out. he stuffed everything he needed to get ready for the day into a duffle bag; shower supplies, and a clean outfit. he desperately needed to do laundry, and he needed to get food...but pay day wasn’t until next week. he was gonna have to find cash, and find it quick - maybe he’ll just pick up another shift at the bar. he practically lived at that place now.

his footsteps echoed through as he walked through the empty fitness center; not even the cleaners had arrived for their early morning shift. he quickly hopped into the showers and get ready for the day. lord knows he needed to wash the dirt and sins that painted his skin from the previous nights festivities. he couldn’t even recall what exactly happened, and that was both a blessing and a curse. it was shortly after he turned on all the lights and greeted the early morning cleaners, jimmy and george. 

“good morning, son!” greeted george. 

“mornin’, will.” jimmy greeted shortly after. 

jimmy and george worked closely together, and were usually gone for the day 2pm; and yet, liam knew the guys quite well. 

jimmy is in his early-forties, married with two children. he worked two full time jobs to get his children through school. his son played division II baseball at a school somewhere in the midwest, and is majoring in sports education. he wants to be a gym teacher. his daughter is studying to be a nurse at monarch. she aspires to work in women’s health. jimmy always spoke so highly of them two. 

george is in his mid-sixties, but is still kicking it like he’s twenty. he’s also married with children and even grandchildren, but his story is more tragic. he’s a retired firefighter, who is still working a full time job because his pension wasn’t enough to make ends meet. can’t make ends meet. his only daughter passed away at a young age - drug overdose, he says. his only son is constantly in and out of jail for drug charges - leaving george and his wife to take care and raise their two grandchildren, layla and michael. layla is 14 and is getting ready to start high school. she loves to play volleyball, and apparently is a natural. michael is 9 and is getting ready to start fourth grade. he love cars, spider man, legos, sonic, and baseball cards. he wants to be a youtube gamer when he grows up. liam didn’t know the kid, but he thought he was fucking awesome. 

two completely different stories, and yet liam believed that those two men deserved the world and then some.

“what’s up, guys?” liam greeted with a smile as he filled up his metal water bottle at the nearest filling station. “when are the kids set to go back, george?”

“this coming monday. mikey’s already complaining how he doesn’t need school to be a youtuber. apparently he’s ‘done his research’.” the comment makes both liam and jimmy laugh. 

“tell the little man to put that energy into a sport, or a trade. i need a new mechanic.” jim jested, once again causing the other two to laugh. “what about you, will? getting ready to start the semester back up? gabby is already stressing because some of her professors already posted the syllabus.” 

“shit, i haven’t even gotten my textbooks yet. i might have to join mikey with this whole youtuber plan and hope for the best.” liam said with a nervous chuckle. he almost had completely forgotten about the upcoming semester approaching. 

to quickly divert the question away from him, he spoke once more. “say, george. i found a few baseball cards at the bar the other night. remind me to bring them in for you.” 

“you’ll make that boys entire week. maybe i’ll use that to bribe him to go to school.” 

jimmy just smiled. “you’re a good kid, scotty boy. never change.” 

2:30pm

it had only been a half hour since liam clocked out from his morning job, and he quickly made his way over to the library. the mention of school that morning brought liam into a panic. he grabbed a spot at one of desks in the computer station, powering on the device and pulling out his notebook. luckily enough, most of the textbooks he needed the library had available. leaving his stuff behind, he went to go fetched them. 

he already had mastered the technique of not having his own textbooks. every week, he would go and scan all of the chapters he needed for each and every class. luckily, monarch offered free scanning and printing. he made small talk with the librarian that sat at the desk nearby as he printed out at least three weeks worth of chapters for each of his classes. 

he sat down once more, and took the time to put the pile of papers neatly into his binder. it was time to start planning. 

6:30pm

now it was time to work his night time job, mars bar. he was working with adrian tonight, so he knew it wouldn’t be that bad.

his stomach had been grumbling half way through his shift. he hadn’t eaten anything all day. but he continued to push through. he had to, at least until pay day. he continued to chug water; if his stomach was full of water, his body didn’t have time to remind him that it needed some sort of nutrients. he was a master manipulator when it came to his own body now. 

1:00am

the rounded out the tips that he received from his customers. it was a good night, and luckily enough he would be able to do laundry the next day. his body was tired, though; aching from the lack of sleep and abuse his body endured from the festivities. he felt like he could sleep for an entire month, and then some. 

he drove around for a bit after his shift, a thing he did as he needed to both unwind and find a somewhat safe space to park his car. university police were patrolling the parking lots that night, which immediately told him not to park there. he couldn’t park in greek row - too many people he knew by this point. he was left to park in a nearby park, in a nearby neighborhood. he found himself saying a small prayer that nobody would mess with him that night. 

he lit up a joint once he found his place, feeling the smoke fill his lungs as he listened to the calming music that played on the radio. ed sheeran was playing, a song from his multiply album. it was one of his and his sister’s favorite albums. that’s the one thing they shared in common, their taste in music. but she was more pop in a sense, and he was more edgy. but still, the music brought him comfort.

he got his bed ready; a mattress topper, paired with a pillow and a blanket. he made himself comfortable and looked at his phone, just to see he missed a text from his mother at 10:45pm.

hi honey! spoke with your aunt today, and we’re making plans for christmas. did your father reach out to you? let me know what plans he has set. i’ll arrange my trip around your plans. 

i hope you had a great day! i love you! ❤️

her message was followed by a bitmoji image of her holding a huge heart. and he smiled. 

i haven’t spoken to him all week, but i’ll reach out tomorrow and let you know. i’ll call you tomorrow. love you ❤️

there was a huge part of him that wanted to call her now, that wanted to tell her he had been struggling both physically and mentally...but then he remembered the damage and the financial burden his injury left. it ruined his family. he ruined his family. and just as he was about to press call, he let out a frustrated sigh before locking his phone and tossing it not too far away from him, rolling over to attempt to get some sort of rest.

just to do the same thing. all. over. again.

[boogaloojones]

I stopped posting on this blog for a while and looking back through I’ve noticed something. There are a lot of people who will see a post or stolen meme from my blog and not realise that I don’t actually agree with what I posted, and these people come in two flavours.

The first are people who don’t know that I’m joking, disagree with what they think I genuinely believe, and get offended or real angry and call me out as a racist/homophobe/ableist etc (not knowing that I’m an autistic, bisexual man of colour)

Honestly? I prefer these guys. I think we’d get on irl, and I respect them more.

Like yeah sure, seeing big angry reaccs from these guys on a stolen pic saying “Sonic says no to transgender rights” is hilarious. But when I post a meme that can be seen as homophobic or sexist or racist or ableist, and someone doesn’t know that I’m posting it ironically, it makes sense to be mad. Fuck, I respect it. That’s the only decent human reaction to something you genuinely think is bigotry. I’ve been pretty mean to these guys in the past and if you’re one of them reading this, my apologies but your reactions are just kinda funny. Conservatives are too easy to trigger so I just decided to use this blog to anger people I actually agree with. I figured that would be funnier.

The second kind are people who think I’m not joking, and stand up for the posts. Don’t do that. I’m not on your side.

I post racist shit to make fun of racism because it’s a dumb concept and racist arguments are easy to debunk. “Yo a lot of the prison population is black; guess they commit more crimes because they’re black. Couldn’t be any other factors affecting that durr hurr me read data.”

I post memes making fun of feminism because they’re fucking stupid and anti feminists are fucking stupid. They’re brain dead people who label themselves as “skeptics” when they actually don’t know how to do basic fact checking or research. Most of you guys don’t even know what third wave feminism is but attack it anyway because I guess women bad bro lmao

Also to everyone who’s ever defended my posts like the sonic says no to transgender rights one (another meme I stole) by non-ironically quoting “basic biology” to say that trans people aren’t real, shut the fuck up and learn to use google.

Anyway enough of that. Back in character now

I hate minorities and gays, here’s a meme

[thoughtsoftheantagonist]

A Song For You

A/N:I know its been a long while but im back. After losing my mother in march then my brother in December of last year it took alot out of me and i had to find a new way to live without them. Thank you all for sticking with me and i hope you enjoy. alot of other things to come as well. 

To catch up my A Song For You  Masterlist is right HERE

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Juan's Pov

There are many things he has learned in his life, most recently he has learned how to be a man, and how to love a woman like his wife. Strong and wild as a hurricane he remembers one of the best pieces of advice he had gotten the day of his wedding. As his best man Chibs had pulled him aside and gotten him to calm the fuck down, apparently he had been annoying the fuck out of the guys all day with his squirrely behavior and Chibs gave him a blunt and a beer. Once his nerves had released him he stood with his brother and was heading back to the set up area when Chibs stopped him. "Let me tell ya one thing to always remember when it comes to a woman like Joy." He nods and gives Chibs his full attention "Love her but keep her wild. She is a woman and we all want to protect our women but at the end of the day she is a force of nature that granted you the privilege of standing close enough to be in awe of her and live." 

When Chibs walked away he stared out across the reservation where he stood, Chibs was right, he wasn't worried about how any of this went. He was more worried about his wife coming to her senses and taking off in the other direction then he was standing but that was his old doubts about himself. But like Chibs said, Joy was a force of nature, and she chose him to pour her love, life and energy within. Why the fuck was he looking that gift horse in the mouth? He grins as he stares at his wife as she throws her leg over her Dyna in their driveway, she doesn't see him move to lean on his bike and looks back at him over the top of her ray bans. "You ok handsome?" He shakes off his nostalgia and walks over to stand at her side, his hands automatic coming up to braid one side of her mane of wild curls while she does the other. "I'm fine babe. Just a lot of thinking. Must be getting old."

He chuckles when his father in law slaps a hand down on his shoulder as he passes him, having spent the night in the guest room "Shut the fuck up you toddler." He puts the hair tie around the bottom of his wife's pig tail braid and kisses her temple as she snickers. Pinching her thigh in retaliation and jumping back as she swipes at him, climbing into his bike he shoots her a wide grin before putting his helmet and glasses on, peeling out of the driveway with her on his tail. Catch me if you can baby.

Joy POV

She heads up the stairs to the second floor with Bobby on her heel. Once again asking the age old club question…..what the fuck are you wearing kid. She speaks over her shoulder to the older man " I couldn't help it that my  good taste offends your eyes. But i refused to sacrifice that to the all black of the club colors." Apparently that had tickled bobby as they marched up the stairs to grab their hiding leader. Jax had called them all here and wasn't even down stairs. But she knew where he would be. She knocks on the door and peeks inside with a grin. " everyone is here brother." He nods and stands, she sees him pocket his small journal, walking by her he grabs the side of her head and places a kiss on the top of her head. " Hmmmmm apples. Not bad." She snorts and shoves him, then he gives her a loaded look as his blue eyes scan her face. "You ok? Sleep alright." She knew he meant the nightmares, she sighs with a nod "Yeah Juan had me smoke two blunts myself and I was knocked the fuck out." He chuckles and looks between her and Bobby "Let's get the day locked down. Gonna be a huge one. Bobby anything from Galeen?" She and Jax move to leave but Bobby's voice stops them " Meeting is at two. Something we gotta Handel first." She arches a brow "What's up?" He doesn't look at her, speaking only to Jax "Bringing Clay to the table." She feels her hand twitch at the look on Jax's face. "Excuse me?" Bobby continues "He is gonna admit what he did with the nomads. Too Joy and Tara, all of it and we vote." She is stunned, he went behind Jax's back. Knowing what it could mean he went to Clay anyway. She clenches her fists, hissing through her teeth "Bobby what are you doing?" He glances at her as he moves to go down the stairs "My job kid."

She and Jax share a loaded look, this wasn't fucking good. They practically trip over each other as they head down stairs. She doesn't get time to tell her father or Juan what is going on before they are seated, but the way her husband is gripping her thigh, and the way her dad is trying to get her to look at him and not Clay at the end of the table leads her to believe they have an idea something isn't right. She can't take her eyes off of him as he speaks "I was lying in a hospital bed, thinking about all the shit I lost. I wasn't ready to let it go. I reached out to Frankie Diamonds. He was the one that suggested the home invasions. We figured we could rattle some of the folks close to the club, make it look like the MC was gonna hurt Charming and that Jax couldn't protect his own. Frankie pulled in Gogo and Greg. I promised to split my percentages when I got the gavel back." She grind her teeth, her hand clenching hard into fists at her side she knew her nails were drawing blood as Bobby talked, his eyes on the table " And attacking Unser at your house took the focus from you?" Clay nods, she snarls, her now bloody palms slamming down onto the wood of the table, making everyone jump as she stands, her voice like a sonic boom off the black walls. "And what about me Clay? Diamonds shot me point blank in the fucking stomach. If that had been Rita, her and the life of her unborn baby would be on your fucking head that I would gladly rip off your fucking shoulders given the smallest chance! Juan get the fuck off me!" She struggles as her husband yanks her down onto his lap, his arms locking around hers to keep her from struggling to much as Clay speaks directly to her "I didn't know you were buddy buddy with Eli's old lady, when they picked up the East Dub crew, I thought that was a good way to put the attacks on to Pope. And now with Jax working with him, I figured I could use it to help sway the club my way. I never wanted anybody to get hurt." She knows the sound of her half manic cackle bouncing off the walls isn't helping the situation. But she just can't believe the horse shit coming out of his mouth, Juan grabs her bloody hands in one of his and slaps his hand over her mouth she freezes through as Tig speaks for the first time since Clay started speaking " But they did. You hurt a lot of people." Seeing the pain in Tigs eyes as he looks over at her she lets the fight drain from her body, feeling the change Juan lets go of her mouth and just holds her in his lap. His grip is tight but comforting as Clay replies.

"You know, I-I don't expect anyone to believe this, and I ain't saying it wasn't 'cause of my pride and my greed, 'cause it was, but the main reason I was trying to push out Jax was because I didn't think he was ready to lead. This cartel shit, the pressure with the Irish, I didn't think he could handle it. I was wrong. He's proving to be a better leader than I ever was. I'll be in the garage." She watches him walk out, her eyes narrowed as the door closes. Moving from her husband's lap she yanks a black bandanna from her bag by her feet. Wiping at the bloody crescent shaped marks on her hands she listens to Jax "We heard his story. Vote has to be unanimous. Does anyone else have anything they'd like to say? All in favor of Clay losing his patch?" The vote is a solid yes across the board. She looks up as Jax says his next words "As far as the mayhem goes let's hear pros and cons." She is shaking as her eyes scan the table, her eyes locking on Chibs as she speaks " He's a traitor. I ain't buying this humble, "for the good of the club" bullshit. He's done." She nods, tears welling up in her eyes and spilling over as she grabs her husband's hand on her thigh. "I want to see the life drain from his eyes Jax. I can't fucking sleep at night without doping myself up because of the shit he set in motion almost killed me. If I don't I wake up screaming for my dad and husband because I'm scared they are next. Hell my god damned husband wakes up in cold sweats and shakes me awake just to make sure I'm not dead. I want him dead so this butterfly affect he started can fucking die with him." She rests her head on Juan's shoulder, his lips pressed against her forehead as she tries to slow her breathing.

Jax stares at her for a moment and nods "All in favor of Clay Morrow meeting Mr. Mayhem." Six yea, she looks to Bobby and her whole body goes numb as he speaks "No." She stares at him for a moment as Jax's bangs the gavel, barely hearing Chibs as he goes to get Clay. She stands. Bobby turns to her, his mouth open to speak but her hand claps against his cheek, some blood she had missed on her hand now on his reddened cheek.. She shoves him out of the way. Not realizing Jax was right behind her along with her husband, she almost runs into Clay as him and Chibs come back. She feels more then sees Jax move past her and fly into Clay, watching the two men grapple she feels her blood pump, standing back she doesn't move to help Chibs as he tries to yank Jax off Clay, the dull thud of Jax fist against the side of clays face gives her a sick kind of satisfaction. But it's cut short, she curls her lip as Chibs and Tig successfully yank Jax away from Clay. She walks over to Clay as the others are preoccupied with Jax, standing over the man she sees blood dripping from his temple and arches a brow "Looks like it hurts." Before he can speak the heel of her boot comes down and the sound of his nose breaking makes her smirk before she is yanked up off her feet by her father. " Enough Mija." She nods, she got her lick in, and the way the bastard was clutching his face made her anger levels drop somewhat. She feels Jax's hand on her arm, she lets him yank her away from the others and back into the clubhouse, looking back she gives her husband a look as he tries to follow. Jax needed her, only her it seems. He releases her as he shoves the doors to church back open, he all but collapses into his chair, she watches him with narrowed eyes as she closes the double doors behind her gently. The sound of her docs on the floor almost painfully loud as she makes her way to her seat.

Sitting she stares at Jax as he twirls a gold lighter between his fingers. She doesn't speak, and neither does he for the longest, but as she feels the silence about to swallow her and him whole the door opens. But as the person enters she wishes they would have stayed out if she was honest. She feels her whole body tense as Jax's chest starts to rise and fall rapidly, his body tense as his voice sends an uncomfortable chill down her spine. "You made a deal with him behind my back." She almost jumps as Bobby tosses Clay's jacket onto the table, she watches him with a heated glare. He refuses to look her way, keeping his eyes on Jax "We couldn't prove shit. We both know that. And there's no way that you could let Clay sit at this table. Me either. The shit he's done. He needed to go away, and if I didn't make this deal, you would've killed him as soon as we were finished with Gaalan." She slams her hands down, making their gaze jump to her "Wrong Bobby. You seem to think you're the only one who is looking out for Jax. I would do it because I want to watch his insides bake on the concrete outside." Bobby sighs " But kid Do that once, next time just becomes a little easier, and before you know it, this thing that we have is pointless. I stopped jax from becoming the guy that you both wanted to kill. All your doing is being his god damned dog on a leash like Tig was for Clay." She almost leaps over the table to get at Bobby's throat, no one talked about Tig infront of her…..no one. But Jax's hand on her tattooed arm stops her. "You think this vote protects Clay?"  She moves her arm out from under Jax's hand. Bobby looks between her and Jax, and for the first time she really looks at him. He looks tired, worn down and her anger slowly drains from her body. "You want him dead. Seems like the only choice today. But I know you, Jax. The right thing settles in."  

She jerks as Jax's voice echos off the wall. Making her grind her teeth "And how is letting him walk the "right thing"?" Bobby holds Jax's gaze "I know you see it as betrayal." She feels her nose wrinkle and her eyes sting as he looks at her across the table "i know you both do. And I took that risk because I love you, both of you. And this club needs you two. We're broken." She clenches her eyes shut, trying to stop the tears, but Jax's next words rip a gut wrenching sob from her lips, " I've had a hard time feeling any love or brotherhood since Opie died." She slaps a hand over her mouth, her other hand resting on her stomach as she tries to keep it together. "You're just lost your way a bit, brother." She angrily swipes at her eyes, not caring if she looks a mess now, she sees Jax's eyes, bright and wet as he locks eyes with her and shakes his head "No, I found it, finally." She sniffs as he turns to Bobby "Opie was right. The gavel corrupts. You can't sit in this chair without being a savage." She feels like her world is crumbling as Bobby stares a Jax, tears in his eyes as he sighs "I know." She reaches across the table, her hand gripping Jax limp one as he sniffs. "You don't know shit." His grip slowly tightens on hers as he continues, the tears falling from his eyes make her heart break for him. "You counsel from fear. You want me moving in comfortable, cozy circles, and I can't do that." By the time he turns away from Bobby and releases her hand his grip was painfully tight on hers, turning the skin of her hand ashen gray from lack of blood flow. She turns her damp eyes to Bobby, staring at him hard for a moment she clears her throat, still flinching slightly at how raw her throat feels. "You should go."

She watches Bobby as he leaves, turning her eyes to Jax once the door clicks shut. His cheeks are wet and his eyes red. But he has no more tears now, she reaches into her bag, grabbing the pack of make up wipes she yanks one from the pack and scrubs at her face. Seeing Jax watching her with an odd look she glares and tosses it at his face, making him jerk a little and toss it off his chest where it fell. She couldn't help but chuckle, locking eyes with him again and she fell silent, her hand coming down to rest over his for a moment. "I'm with you brother." He nods, moving his hand out from under hers he pats it and turns to the door as it pushes open. Seeing her favorite Scott's men she gives him a weak grin, he nods to her and leans his hand on the chair in front of him. "Jackie boy. Sorry to bother you but August just called, and Pope wants a Meeting at Charming Heights." Jax turns to face Chibs. "When?" The Scott sighs "Now." He nods and turns to her "I need you to stay, chibs is going to come with me. I want you to get the guys ready for the deal later with Lin. He is closer to you than me so I want you at my side for this. Not Bobby." She nods, getting to her feet she leans down pressing a kiss to the top of his blonde head she pat Chibs on the arm as she passes. She needed to see her husband.

He wasn't far, she found him on the swing set. She leans against the gate as he stares off to the side, a blunt hanging from his lips, his hand grip the chains on either side of his head as he swings slightly, the sun gleaming off the multiple rings on his fingers, she glances at his eyes, seeing them already low lidded so she knew it wasn't his first one. He doesn't even notice when she takes the seat beside him, but when her fingers glide along his forearm to his hand he grips it tightly, letting them fall between them to swing. Turning to her he gives her a small grin. His dark brown eyes scan her from head to toe and she felt it like a warm caress. He brings her hand in his up to his lips, using his other hand he hands her the blunt while he kisses the back of her hand. " You've been crying." She nods, taking a deep pull she holds it, holding it back out to him he shakes his head, keeping her hand by his lips he presses kisses to her wrist and fingers. Making her smile. Her sweet husband, trying to heal her pain with good weed and kisses. What a man. She giggles and he smirks, his teeth biting down on her thumb playfully. Making her rip her hand back with false and over dramatic out rage, forgetting she was on a swing she shrieks as she falls back into the wood chip ground with a grunt, her calves resting where her ass used to be in the swing "Jesus Joy!" Her husband scrambles to get to her, kneeling on the ground next to her he lifts her head onto his lap. He calms when he realizes her body is shaking from laughter, he grins and picks wood chips from her hair as he tries to not wheeze as she starts to snort she was laughing so hard.

"I sometimes forget how much of a klutz you are until you do shit like this." Her giggles intensify as her free hand comes up to smack at his shoulder. The other one bringing the blunt she somehow managed to not drop to her lips with a smug grin. "Didn't drop the blunt though that's talent " his eyes locked with hers for a moment and he gave her a leering grin. "No what you do with your tongue that's talent." She stares at him gobsmacked before she is on him, forgetting about the blunt she drops it and starts smacking at her husband, cursing in rapid fire Spanish. And that's how her father found them when it was time to go. Never a dull moment for the Ortiz/Lowman bunch.

Henry Lin's Warehouse (Joys pov)

As her bike pulls to a hard stop in the Lin warehouse she grins, she remembered so many deals here. She also remembered unloading a good amount of the legal shit here as well. Everything she ever did before the club was to be ready for redwood. Every odd job, everybody she dropped had been to be here, standing full circle with Henry across from her this time. She accepts his hug and waves to the others behind me, receiving nods and grins in return. She steps to the side as Jax beings Romeo over "Henry Lin, Romeo Parada and his  associate, Luis Torres." She take her place against the far dock door, pulling a pack of cigs from her her back pocket she watches Henry work, letting out a whistle of appreciation at the hardware his men were uncovering not being able to stop herself for speaking along with Henry "Russian Kornet with articulating tripod. Thermal sight, 9M133 missiles." Everyone turns to her, she shrugged, her guys grin and turn back to the deal. She stares off to the side, her mind wandering, keeping her focus somewhat on what was going down, until she hears two words that made her want to throw shit. " Three months." She tilts her head back, tossing her cig out the open dock door. She didn't even have to look at Romeo to know that was not what he wanted to hear.

She sighs, her eyes watching Romeo's back from behind her shades as he speaks lowly to Torres for a moment before turning to Henry "Ten Kornets. Hundred missiles. Two dozen Brownings, two dozen KS-Vs with quick-release silencers." Henry nods, everyone turning to watch Torres as he speaks, a black duffle in his hand "Once you figured out the Hamas express, we'll want drops every two weeks. Mayans MC will handle the transport. 250 down payment. Just let us know the balance." Henry shakes bother their hands " Absolutely. Looking forward to doing business with you."  Romeo nods "You should. We're gonna make you rich."  She is about to get on her bike as Romeo and Torres head towards Jax, Bobby and herself but Jax's hand grabs the back of her cut, keeping her in place. Asshole. Romeo locks eyes with herself for a moment then Jax "Galindo's getting pushed on two fronts by Lobo Sonora. We just lost Tubutama; we can't wait three months for them Kornets. We're gonna need another shipment of RPGs from the Irish before we kill that tie." She sighs, her hands on her hips, she stares past the guys, plans forming in her mind, possible outcomes of how this could work. That Irish fuck head will not be happy to hear about Clay being out, and when he does he might not give them what they need. She is shaken from her thoughts when Romeo's voice shakes her "Is that a problem? " She is about to yell yes but Jax beats her "Shouldn't be. I'll ask Gaalan at the pickup." Romeo shakes his head, a hand coming down on Jax's shoulder, making her hand twitch for her glock "Don't ask him. Tell him."

As the two men walk out and away she drops her mask of indifference and curses, her head falling back as Jax combs his hands through his already slicked back hair, his eyes wide and moving around rabidly as he thinks almost as if he was seeing his own thought process before his eyes. Her husband comes to stand next to her, his hand going up the back of her shirt to rest on her lower back. His warmth was a slight comfort. Jax finally nods and turns to the rest of the group. "All of us need to head back to the shop. I want Chibs and Bobby to get this shit rolling. Joy, can you go check on Tara for me let her know what's going down." She nods, turning to her husband as the guys head for their bikes, wrapping her arms around her husband's narrow waist she sighs, her cheek resting on the warm leather of his vest. His chin rests on her head. "You ok baby girl?" She nods, leaning more into him as one of his hands brushes down the back of her head in soft swipes, over and over again. "I'm ok. Just thinking about it all. Once I get it all cleared in my head I'll give you a peek inside. Ok?" She feels his chin brush her head as he nods. His lips pressing to the top of her head before he releases her reluctantly. She gives him a half hearted wave and sighs as he and the other drive off, turning to Henry as she sees them heading out as well. She nods her head and moves towards her bike, time to check on Tara.

The Hospital

She is laid back in Taras office, her body draped across the beige couch as she scrolls through her phone waiting for Taras break. When the woman in question sees her she smiles. "Joy. I see your making yourself at home." She smirks at her phone screen. "I have the amazing power of not giving a fuck where I am. I'm always comfort." Tara chuckles and walks over, gently pushing the other woman's legs from the seat so she could sit next to her, joy shoves her phone into the inner pocket of her cut and grins at Tara "So Jax got the deal locked down with henry and the cartel." Tara nods but she see the slight pinch in joys face and sighs "I hear an invisible but in there." Leaning back into the couch she sighs, closing her eyes she blurts out everything, just ripping it off like a band-aid. "But the guns won't be here for a while so now Jax has to meet with the kings and get them to drop a load of guns out their tight freckled fists one more time. And with clay not here that means Galaan will bitch so this might not go well."

When she doesn't hear a groan or even a sigh she peeks one eye open seeing Tara looking at her blankly she opens them both. "Don't look at me like that. The past few days haven't been exactly conductive mentally for either of us so forgive me if i expected a violent reaction….ass." Tara snorts and looks off to the side. "Sorry to disappoint you with not having another mental break down. My body just doesn't have it in it right now." She snickers and nods, but stops when Tara gets a nervous look on her face. "I know that look. Talk. What's wrong." She is surprised when the normally stand offish woman grabs the hand closest to her and holds it tightly. Joy is more worried than ever, her other hand resting on top of the on gripping hers. "I have still been working on the papers for the other hospital. And through all this and talking to the club lawyer today something occurred to me. If something were to happen to me or….to jax."

The hitch in Taras voice makes her pat her hand, as much and no one ever wanted to think about their family or partner dying that sadly never helped. All it did was make you more lost when it happened. "If that happened i don't know who would have Able and Tommy and Joy that scares me. I have no other blood family and I won't let Gemma raise them i won't. And with blood Wendy could possibly take Able and I don't want that either Joy. " She nods. No Gemma might have the deepest love to give like any other mother but hers had long been tainted by something inherently Gemma….something wrong. And wendy would have to take Able from her cold dead arms. When Tara turns her face to joy she sees tears in the woman's eyes and she yanks her hands from taras, her fingers wiping at the woman's pale cheeks, not understanding how to help. Until Tara's next words make everything click into place. "So talking with the lawyer i have named you and Juan as the people who will be their guardians." She feels the hot tears as they glide down her cheeks. Her hands move from Taras face to her own as she swipes at her cheeks roughly. Looking over she sees Tara watching her closely and she realized Tara actually thought she wouldnt want them. She sniffles and shakes her head. "I already love them like they were mine without overstepping. I would open my house and heart to those boys and Juan would too Tara. They would need or want for nothing because both of us would do anything to keep them happy. So if this gives you peace, do it. I already know Juan would be overjoyed, shocked but overjoyed." The woman's smile is bright and right there She sees the woman Jax sees all the time. As stern and logical as Tara was she was warm and beautiful when happy. Leaning over joy kisses her cheek with a nod. "Yeah. I have not one objection to that. But just know. Me and Juan might never leave here hun. Your boys would grow up here. Are you ok with that honestly?"

Tara stands, turning she leans back against her desks and sighs. "I know that. And if i'm honest it was one of the reasons i hesitated, and if i'm honest the only reason. But then i remembered how you grew up. Knowing about this life, it was never hidden like a secret or something shameful. And despite what you say about yourself your not a monster. Your good to my boys and everyone in that club who deserves it. And you dont shield able from it you let him know this isn't for him right now and send him on his way like the morning after Otto. So no.....i wouldn't mind them growing up here with the right mother and father besides Jax and myself." She stares at her rings as she twirled them around her fingers. She didn't realize the others knew she struggled with her nature. Sure Juan and maybe her father but to know on some level it was plain as the nose on her face made her want to hide away. Like a piece of her armour had been knocked off in battle. She speaks to Tara, her eyes still on her rings. "I struggle everyday with what i do for this club and to survive. Im not exactly martha fucking stewert. I don't know shit about kitchen knives but i know what blade to use to flay a man…..but i swear i would always love those boys and do right by them. Not manipulate but always have my hand out for them to grip on for balance. And thank you….it means alot to me." Tara is about to continue when her burner goes off, pulling it from her cut she sees Jax's name. Opening it she speaks "Im coming." Into the phone before hanging up and standing. Walking over to Tara she presses another kiss to her cheek." I love you Tara." She doesn't give the woman time to answer as she leaves, she had to slam down the gates on her emotions. The day isn't over yet.

The Barn

She gets to the barn just as the truck pulls up, she almost falls off the bike as shs skids to a stop in front of Jax and the other. Her prez was obviously worried she wouldn't make it, He practically yanks her off the bike as he hugs her. "Cutting it close sis." She pats his side as she hooks her sunglasses in the collar of her shirt. "I know. Got caught up talking to Tara." They make their way inside, she winks at her husband as he passes behind her. Smirking when his hand pats his ass as he does. She moved to follow him but Jax grips the back of her cut, keeping her on his left with bobby on his right. She sighs. She should have just kept the god damn patch at this point. "Where's Clay?" She and Jax both turn a sharp eye to Bobby. Clay would fucking be here and useful for once of bobby hadnt done what he did this morning. Bobby tosses the duffle of money on the ground between themselves and Gaalan. "He turned in his patch.It's been coming for a while."

Gaalan arches a salt pepper brow, his eyes bouncing between her and Jax. "He's out of the club?" She sees Jax sigh before finally speaking, her hand coming to rest on his back out of sight from the group before them. But very visible to their club behind them. "Look, Gaalan. I know you blame me for Kellan's death. And you're right, events in Belfast spun out of control.I just want to say, I liked the priest. He loved my dad. He sacrificed himself for my son-- I know that." She nods. She was proud of how level jax sounded. She tilts her head, a teasing lilt to her voice as she speaks makes Gaalan zero in on her. "And after you and our dear prezs little game of grab ass and your rambo impersonation i was personally hoping it might ease some of this tension." The man chuckles, she sighs. Her hand falls from Jax's back and she speaks plainly to Gaalan.

"Look Gaalan dispite what you might think about me i fucking hate the cartel. Mexican or not they are fucking up our day to day we all hate them.Romeo wants this shipment, one more. We give him that and we're done. No more them and everyone in our shit. Just The MC and the IRA can go back to business as usual. Sound?"

She wasn't surprised at his look of surprise at the use of irish slang. Her mom might not have raised her but she did her own research about the other half of her heritage. And as much as she might dislike Gaalan as well, a part of her felt kindred to him, his and chibs heavy broug as different as they might be, made her want to watch the old videos of her mother when her father would pick at her about her strong accent. She is shaken from her melancholy as the older man nods "Aye. Tis sound lass. For a little halfling your not all bad are ye." She opens her mouth to curse him but the doors on either side of the bar open. Both glocks are aimed on either side of her before they fully open and she starts cursing internally as Jax speaks to Romeo, his hands gently pushing her arms down. She doesn't put her guns back though. "What is this?" Romeo sighs "Talked to Damon Pope. Heard all about Clay. Thought we should come by and make sure the deal was moving forward. “I told you I would handle it."  Jax’s tone was very obviously pissed but neither irish or catel cared as they glared at each other.

Luis eyes Gaalan with a curl of his lip "We know how stubborn the Irish can be." Gaalan turns to look at the other man with a wide wicked grib "And we all know how ignorant you muppets can be." Romeo practically growls as he points to the gun crates "Put the guns in the truck." Gaalans voice echoes off the wooden walls "Don't touch the bloody guns." She grunts as she elbows jax back behind her towards her father and husband. Knowing if shit got wild they would yank him behind cover. Her voice is practically a hiss as she speaks pointedly to luis and romeo “We all want the same thing here! You two pendejos aren't helping for shit. We had this under control until you put your size twelves in it pulling this macho man shit." Having not listened to shit she said Romeo instructs the man closest to Luis to grab a crate. She sees the gun in Gaalans hand just as he fires it. She doesn't think, turning to Jax she rams into his chest. Knocking them both back into her father and Juan. Her father yanks Jax down next to him. She presses tight into her husband's side as bullets fly over his head. She sees her father and Phil book it outside to safety. She sees a blur running towards bobby and jax and she roars "Bobby get down." The man hits the floor as she lays out one of Galindos men. All fire stops and she looks over to see Gaalan at gunpoint. She shoves her guns back into their holsters and watches with narrowed eyes as Romeo snatches up the duffle of money. Yelling for the man to put the crates in the truck, he grins at her and Jax who was radiating pissed off like a furnace. "This buy is on the MC. For killing my guys, and the inconvenience of our wait. We'll call it even." Jax yanks her back as she lunges for Romeo. He had no idea what he had set in motion, the kings won't let this slide.

As luis yells for Gaalan to get his pasty white out of there Gaalan passes her and Jax. Giving Jax a loaded look he stops "This is on you, boy." Jax just nods, as prez it was his mess. Didn't stop her from moving to shoulder herself between him and Gaalan. He wasn't an ally anymore. He turns his jade eyes to her, his gaze grows harder. It wasn't in her favor that she looked so much like the men currently holding him at gunpoint "Sons are gonna feel this on both continents Lass. Know that." She nods as he leaves, her body slightly shaking from the adrenaline drop as she and Jax turn, both of them coming face to face with a wary looking bobby. She cant help her angry at him, a part of her doesn't want to put it all on him. But if clay had been here. If the meeting had ended moments before the cartel showed. Maybe things would have been different. But they weren't. Like Jax she shoulders her way past bobby outside. The guys following behind closely. She and Jax glare down the men loading the truck for the next ten minutes, a cig hanging limp between her lips as she locks eyes with Romeo. Dead eyes. She inhales deeply for the last time and tosses it to the side. Turning as Jax marches back behind them to the group of men she turns to watch as he paces for a moment. Walking closer she leans against the precut logs chibs was sitting on as he too watches jax. When he sees everyone is close,he starts pushing out orders, his eyes bouncing between her and chibs. "Lock down the shop and alert families." She and chibs nod. He would take care of teller morrow, all she had to do was send a text to one person and the phone tree would set on fire. She had spent months making plans for anything. Deaths to club threats but this was the most ambitious, she made sure everyone involved in the club only had two people on speed dial. The person next on the list and her. Once each call was made she would get a text to confirm until the last person on the list confirmed the texts kept going. Opening her phone she sends a message to Lyla a simple phrase 'Start the fire.' She puts her phone away as jax turns to Tig his voice raising the more frustrated he gets "Get Tacoma down here." Tig walks off without a word and Jax steps closer to chibs and herself. "Gaalan is gonna try to hurt us." He was right. Gaalan didn't seem the kind of man to make idle threats. Jaxs puts his hand on chibs shoulder "I need you find Gemma, you have her call me. Ok everyone roll out and get packed. Be in by lock down or be locked out. She quickly heads for her bike her husband and father hot on her heels all of them stop as Jax calls Juice back. "Juicy, I need you for something. Sonshine go get his shit packed, we will all meet at the club house." She hesitates for a moment as her dad heads off with a nod. She lets her husband pull her tight to his chest as he kisses her forehead. "Go baby. You know what to pack. Get sonny ready and i'll be there before you have time to miss me." she snort, pressing a kiss to his shirt covered chest. "Too late." She pulls away from him and locks eyes with Jax. "Keep my husband safe." He grins "always darlin." She rolls her eyes and walks off as the man laughs. These guys wouldn't know safe of it gave them head.

Clays house (Juan pov)

He and Tig had decided to give Clay, Miles and Rat and escort back to the shop. Well Tig wanted to do it and Juan didn't want him alone. As they make it to the cabin Tig knocks, he hangs back his shade covered eyes watching their surroundings. The irish were sneaky bastards. Once the door is open he and Tig quickly file in and lock the door. Walking over to rat and miles he sighs "Fuck the rest of his shit. Galindo fucked up the Irish deal and no Son is safe anywhere. Get his clothes and ill pack his guns, i know what he uses. Get moving we don't have much time until lock down." He watched the guys split up and he looked around as Tig and Clay talked about what happened. Seeing Clay's gun bag he opens it up and freezes. He sees the reaper holster, the nine and he grins. He is shaken from his memories by Clay's voice "You always did like it." He nods, watching clays large hands pull the gun from the holster. Bright silver with the black reaper handle. Shit was as beautiful as he remembered.

He watches clay aim it towards the wall before putting it back in the holster. "Piney gave it to me for my five year. I always thought I would give it to opie." He nods, his throat closing up, he clears his throat to fight back the sight of opies face. Not now, stay focused. He sees the gun being held out to him. "Clay come on." He shoves it back but the man passes his hand and presses it to his chest. "I get I'm not like a dad to you no more kid. Things i did to joy and you destroyed any of that but least i can do is give someone something i cant use anymore. So take it. Hell give it to the kid. She might put it in a shadow box with the day i died on it." He smirks and shoves the gun and holster into his inner pocket. "Or kill you with it." The older man chuckles. "Looking forward to it." He snickers and grabs the gun bag, and heads for the van. Making sure everything is in he heads for the bike. Lock down was approaching fast and if he knew his wife he knew she would shoot anyone who tried to close it with him outside of it.

Teller Morrow Garage

She volunteered to watch the outside as her father, Chucky, Unser and her father got the grill hot, with the amount of people here best idea was to have a potluck and bbq. Old rap plays from her phone next to her, her head bobbing and lips moving as her eyes scan the still open gate and full parking lot keeps her hands on the table under her, both her glocks next to each hand. She hears the bikes before she sees them. She smirks as Tig and her husband pull up in front of the van holding Miles and Rat. As Tig and her husband pull their bikes into the line. She nods to the guys as they pass her and go into the club house. When her husband and tig walk up with clay not too far behind her smile drops. Her husband kisses her cheek with a chuckle, his lips brushing her skin as he whispers "Down cujo. Gaalan called him on the way here." She arches a brow over her husband's shoulder to clay as he passes them without a word. "Fine….but he breaths wrong im playing baseball with his kneecaps." She lets her laughing husband pull her inside as miles and rats come back out to take over her watch duty.  

Everyone had been here for about an hour now and despite the reason for being here it was fun and everyone laughs all around. She hugged a few of the Tacoma boys she recognized, Kozik being one of them. She had missed him when he went back but he seemed to be keeping on the straight line where drugs were involved and she was so proud of him. She was watching her father talk to Lyla with a grin, he was leaning back against the pool table as Lyla lined up a shot. When the ball hits the pocket she smirks at one of the Tacoma prospects who thought she had been an easy target, poor kid. She bumps fists with Nero before turning back to talk to Happy. She feels her husband come up behind her, his hands snaking around her waist to rest low on her stomach. She turns her head to the side, kissing the side of her husband's stubble covered cheek as he rests his chin on her shoulder. "Why are you grinning like that beautiful?" She giggles, taking her bottom lip between her teeth. She places her hand on the side of her husband's face, making his gaze line up with hers. She knows he sees them too when he hums. "Now that's different. But oddly enough would make sense." She smirks. "exactly. I doubt much will happen for now. With Opie and all which i agree with, grive fully and never rebound. But i see something….something good in that possible future." She closes her eyes as her husband presses kisses to her cheek. "Look at you. Little miss matchmaker." She snorts and turns in his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck she gets on her tiptoes to press a kiss high on his cheek. Beaming up at him she says "Matched myself up with you didn't I?" He nods with a grin, his hands rubbing her ass before he surprises her and yanks her up by the thighs. She shouts as he heaves her body up his torso, her thighs clinch his sides as he carries her through the crowd of laughing sons, her protests and threats of body mutilation falling on deaf ears. When he plants her on the pool table she goes to swipe at him with her nails but he catches her wrist and holds it to his chest as he catches her lips.

All the fight leaves her body, her free hand gripping the side of his cut she yanks him closer. The world falls away as he surrounds her, his hand gripping her now limp wrist moves to the back of her neck. But their moment is short lived as one of the balls from the table hits her left thigh making her jump and look that way. Seeing a smirking Lyla with a chuckling nero and Happy over her shoulders. She nero's her eyes at her father. "Et tu, Brute?" Her father shrugs and grabs the pool cue from Lyla as Nero pats her shoulder "We're currently hiding the corner pocket Leona." She smirks at the nickname, Lioness. Well played Nero. She slides off the table Jax walks by them but she clenches her eyes as he freezes next to her, the venom in his voice makes it obvious who he is speaking too. "Why is he here." She pecks Juans lips one more time before turning to plant herself next to Jax. Clay looks even more broken than she remembers. Hunched over be tilts his head at Jax "Gaalan reached out to me. He wants the guns or the money or wendy is dead." She whips her head around to stare wide eyed at chibs, he makes a snatching motion and she sighs. She must have been at the hospital, she would grill him about it later. "Does Gaalan know wendy isn't Jax's wife?" Clay chuckles "Believe me kid i could hear wendy in the back shouting that and a lot of other stuff about Jax to prove as much. He says do it anyway or Able will be going back to Belfast." She snarls, jax holding his arm out in front of her to calm her. But her anger and frustration builds as Bobby chimes in "four hundred and seventy five thousand dollars. We pay back the Italians and Nero we ain't even close." She moves to stand behind chibs as Tig adds on "And there is no way we are getting the guns back from Romeo." She plants a hand on Chibs shoulder, his hand comes up to pat her. Chibs always knew how to center her, help her pull herself out of panic. Even without a word. Forever her mentor and guide.

She looks up as Nero clears his throat, pool cue in hand, his eyes bouncing around to lock eyes with them all before settling on Jax "I'm sorry. Couldn't help but overhear and I may have a solution." She locks eyes with Jax. She sees him tossing thoughts around and finally his eyes clear and he nods his head to the door before looking at Clay, she heads for the door as Jaxs tells Clay to get out. She sees her husband off to the side, headphones in his ears as he works on a few hard drives on the table before him. Leaning against the far wall she watches him from afar. He was deep in his tech mode and she refused to break that trance. She smiles as his lips move rapidly as he raps along to something she can't catch from how fast his lips move, but his grin is amazing. She feels someone at her side, the scent of clove and sandalwood makes her arch a brow. "Tiggy. Do you trust me?" Tigs arm lands around her shoulder as he leans on the wall next to her. A beer in his hand he takes a deep pull before replying. "Without question kid. Why?" She tilts her head to the side to look up at him. "I know none of us but Clay will be delivering that money when we get it." Tig nods, people doubted him so much but he was quicker than people gave him credit for. "Go with him. I don't trust him alone, let alone around Gaalan. So if he goes. Go with him. If not for the club or Jax. For my peace of mind?" Tig thinks on it for a moment before pressing a kiss to the side of her head and heading off into the crowd. She knew he would, she hated putting him so close to Clay so soon. But Tig was Clay's right hand for years. Clay wouldn't think twice of Tig going with him. She scrubs her face with her hand before pushing off the wall she sighs. So much to do and only so many hours.

Many hours later (Teller Morrow)

Wendy had been rescued and left twenty minutes ago in a huff, muttering to herself about fuck knows what. The last of the Sons from the lock down had hit the road and she was currently restocking the bar and her husband and father talked behind her. Something about new ink for Juan. Tara and Jax had yet to come down and that worried her. Turning to grab another bottle of turkey she sees Jax and the look on his face makes her pause. He speaks to Nero and Chibs for a moment before locking eyes with her. He shakes his head, she nods and gets back to stocking the bar as her father speaks to Jax. She feels someone at her side a moment late. She knows its jax from the scent of Marlboro and that damned hair gel he used that was a little too spicy for her nose. Once the shelf is stocked full she turns to him, he is leaned next to her and watching everyone. "You know I believed you earlier today." She arches a brow and chuckles "I said a lot of shit i meant earlier today. Refresh my memory brother."

She leans her upper body down on to the bartop. He stands next to her and copies her, their arms touching as he stares at the movement around them. "When you said you were with me. I know you are Joy. I don't doubt you on any front. I just…" She wants to look at him, but she knows it won't help. Bless these tough men they didn't understand how to communicate without showing fierce emotion. "I just don't know how to work this all out without Opie. I could say any idea or do any dumb thing and he would be there to help me realize why it was dumb in a way that would get through to my thick skull. And now that he is gone. Im worried about the gavel joy…." It took her a moment to understand what the last part meant. Then she remembers in church with Jax, Bobby and herself. The Gavel corrupts. Saying a mental fuck it to pretending this wasnt a serious conversation she turns to Jax, even as he refuses to do the same she speaks direct at him.

"The gavel will change you Jax. It's a hard and heavy weight that can crush a weaker man or woman. And you werent ready at all and didnt fucking want it. But  jax the way you're doing this. Getting it spread out among the other groups so everyone can get some food in their mouth. It's amazing Jax. Be proud of that." He nods, having enough of him not looking at her she moves around the bar to stand before him, grabbing his face between her hands to stop him from moving. Hazel meets blue as she makes sure he understands her "And trust that I will keep one of my last promises to Opie. Too keep you grounded, to be a solid wall to slam against when you cant fucking stop yourself. Always know that i have no issues stopping you." She gives him a grin "Even if i have to break a few bones. You'll live to redeem yourself in my eyes." he gives her a very weak grin and pulls her hands from his face. Grabbing the back of her head he pulls her in to kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry in advance for breaking your heart sonshine." She remembers what she said to Tig and Chibs. "But you all wouldn't be mine if you made it easy to love you." He nods, looking past her she turns to see Chibs with a phone in his hand. "Heres Tig Jackie." Jax grabs the phone from him and heads towards the doors to church. She sighs as Bobby goes to stop him, she leans back against the bar as Bobby calls to him when he refuses. "Jax we gotta talk this shit out." The way Jax halts his steps set her on edge. And the face that turns to greet bobby isn't Jax. It's their new president, a man she is only just beginning to learn was a whole other man all together. "I said no." He closes in on bobby and she shakes off chibs as he goes to stop her. She wasn't letting shit slide anymore, she was done running. As she closes in on them she hears Jax loud and clear "Im sure the right thing will settle in. But right now if i'm alone with you VP i'll tear your goddamn head off." Getting next to them she places a hand on Jax's arm holding the phone. Keeping her eyes on Bobby who is currently watching her with dark narrowed eyes "Go talk to Tiggy jax. I got this." She felt Jax's arm tense under her hand but didn't ask why. It wasn't the time. She makes sure the door is closed behind her firmly before she speaks to the older son before her.

"Did you honestly fucking think he would want to talk? Not hours after your screwball set a shit ton of butt ugly on our heads?" The man just stares hard at her, refusing to reply. "You are obviously not thinking through shit bobby. You want this club to be better, I get that but the way you did it. Behind his back out the gate fucked up any possible trust in you as his VP." She expects him to see reason, if not the main reason Jax is angry. The new prez had fought his way through the lies of his family, the people meant to never wish you harm, found a plot to kill the mother of his children and also the possibility that his father was also murdered. By the same man. He had hoped to find a new family, build from us a family that wouldn't l harm him. That would support and the first act of his new VP is a plan behind his back. Another scheme. It was the act and the person it saved that was the hardest part to swallow for Jax. She got that, maybe Bobby just couldn't. He steps into her space, his voice the angriest she heard directed at her before. "Don't presume to tell me what I should do, Joy. At the end of the day you gave this patch up willingly to me. So stand down."

Pressing her pink nailed hands to his chest she shoves him back hard, he didn't expect it and falls back into the pool table. Her husband and Chibs make their way over as she speaks directly to Bobby. "Don't speak to me like a goddamn child Elvis. I gave that patch to a man I thought would do right by not just the club but the man who stayed to keep us all out of jail at not just his expense but his wife and children's as well. Man the fuck up and speak your fucking mind next time you have opinions. Don't pull that shit again Bobby or I swear to god I'll take you back to the table for my god damn patch back and to save trouble I'll tear it from your cut while it's still on you!" Her husband, having heard enough, wraps his large arms around her middle, locking her once waving arms to her side. She wasn't done though.  "Because I'll be damned If you hurt him or this club again." She lets her husband drag her out, the cold air makes her overheated skin break out into goosebumps. She stands next to her father's ink station in the garage. Juans hands rub her upper arms as she watches her father pull on his black gloves, her body slowly losing its tension as the machine comes alive and the buzz is a soothing note in the air. She sees two guns and arches a brow, looking at her father again she sees him holding a pair of gloves out to her and she smiles. She had learned to do tattoos by watching her dad do them. Her first tattoo she did on a body was on her father. Around his collar bone area there was a phrase "I live, I die, I kill for my family." The letters were blocky and some funny looking but he let her do it without thought and she loved him more for it then he would ever know.

Pulling the pink velvet scrunch from her wrist she holds it behind her to her husband as she grabs the other low roller chair next to her dad. Pulling on a pair of gloves like her dad he points out things and asks her to name it just to make sure her knowledge on the subject hadn't slipped. Once she proved herself to her father he goes back to setting up the ink cups. Everyone looks up as the garage office door opens, she hadn't realized the guys had trickled in during the pop quiz her father gave her. The garage was filled with sons. All eyes on Clay as he makes his way to the chair between her father and herself. When he plops down he glances at her, looking down at the black kabar on her thigh before locking eyes with her again. With a roll of her eyes she slides the kabar from its sheath and flips it mid air, grabbing the blade loosely she hands it to Clay and watches as he slides the strap of his black tank, revealing the reaper on his shoulder blade, he stabs her blade roughly into the wooden table top and she arches a brow but says nothing. No one spoke as she and her father went about roughly blocking out the reapers on the older man's skin. Blood and black ink leak onto the black gloves on her hands, making the once matte latex glint in the light. Once her part in all this is done she put the gun down, her body felt as if it had been drained, any rage or possible sympathy she felt for the man before her was gone. Seeing the once proud man reduced to a black ink splattered shell soothed a lot of the pain she carried around recently. Pulling the gloves from her hands she stands, walking over to her father she kisses the top of his tattooed skull, locking eyes with Bobby she stands to her full height. Now that the rage wasn't pounding in her ears like a heartbeat she could see the conflict and lost look in Bobby's face. She walks over, knowing her husband wasn't far behind she kisses the older man's bearded cheek and walks away. As good a sorry as she could give knowing that everything she said had truth to it. She had a sinking feeling that another change was coming. How big would that change be? Only time would tell.

Next morning (Joy Pov)

Warmth, that's the first thing she feels as she wakes, and when she finally reaches full consciousness she realizes why. Looking to her side she sees Juans pillow is missing its namesake. But looking down she sees a lump where her stomach is, it makes her grin. For a moment she looked pregnant until the lump moved and she pulled the covers up slightly and could not help but feel her heart melt a little. Her husband's head was resting below her breast, his arms curled under her back as he clutched her in a tight but comfortable grip. Watching him sleep she takes in the beauty of him, his soft skin being revealed bit by bit as she pushes the covers off of them. Making her husband curl into her more to steal more of her warmth. She brushes her fingers along the tattoo on the left side of his scalp, she knows he is slowly waking because he is nuzzling his face into her stomach. A poem comes to mind and when he looks up at her with sleepy, heavy lidded eyes, a small smile is his gift to her. She smiles as the words spill from her lips. "You're next to me and I'm half asleep, wondering what I did to deserve this moment - to deserve you. And while you're here, breathing easily. All I can think about is what I can do tomorrow to be better for you then I was today."

He gifts her with open mouth kisses along her belly button and hips over her boy shorts, his hands having pushed her sleep shirt up to her chest to get access to more bed warm skin. "Fuck i love when you do shit like that." She giggles as he speaks into her skin, his hands sliding under her lower back, forcing her to arch and her legs to fall open more as his kisses move upward. His hands shove her shirt over her head. Tossing it off the side of the bed he hovers over her as she tries to get her hair out of her face. Looking up at him she sees his once sleepy eyes are watching her. The smile on his face is blissful and only for her. Reaching her hands up she holds his face between them, the way he leans into the gentle touch pulls at her heart. Her beautiful strong husband was such a gentle man, she hoped this life wouldn't rob him of that. She would give up her humanity to protect him if she had too, as long as he was always going to be here, like this. His lips on her forehead wash away her dark thoughts like rain water.

Her eyes, which she hadn't realized had closed to prevent him seeing the pain in them blink open, seeing him watching her. "Welcome back." She cant help but sigh, which quickly turns into a gasp as he rolls them, his strong grip on her hips keep her from toppling over as he now lays with her straddling his lean hips. The way he folds his hands behind his head and smirks up at her makes her bite her lip and her cheeks flushes as his eyes take in her bare chest, even after living with and being with him he still made her body heat with a look. Moving her hair over one shoulder she lays her chest flat against her husband's, her head under his chin. His hands are now combing over her head and curling her hair around his fingers. For a moment they are still except for his fingers curling into her hair and her body rising and falling as he breathes deeply. She is slowly falling back asleep when the chest under hers vibrates as her husband speaks "Jax is up to something involving clay." Curling a fist under her chin she uses her other hand to grab the discarded blanket and pulls it back over her now naked back. "What makes you think that." He isn't upset she questioned him, in fact it made him grin. "When Jax asked me to stay behind the other day after the irish he only wanted to ask me a favor. 'I need clays gun. No questions right now. I need it.” she lifts herself up enough to get more comfortable, stretching her legs out she moves to his side to rest her head on his shoulder, looking into his eyes she arches a brow. "The one currently at the shop wrapped up in a shirt." He smirks and kisses the tip of her nose. "Yes nosy shit." She snickers and smacks his chest, he laughs and rubs the sting away. "He wanted me to get it to you. I don't know why but he wants you to put it in his side saddle on his bike." She sighs, he was plotting alone again. She was getting so fucking tried of this behind closed door shit that had been going down since the cartel popped up. She can't say Jax wasn't doing good things but the way he was doing them was gonna make her go grey. "Your right. I'll see whats up but if i'm honest we won't know much until shit pops off and we all have to drag his ass out of danger." She cups her husband's cheek and pulls him in for a kiss when her phone rings from the nightstand. She growls under her breath and reaches back for it.....let the games begin

Time Jump

Once she got to the shop things had been crazy. She barely had time to do what jax asked her but she did it. And now hours later she stood beside Nero as he spoke to the shop owner "Nero they fuck up my shop, come in and take anything they want and now Dante says we have to pay triple two for protection?!' The pretty hispanic woman sighs "I mean we all know you split but what are we supposed to do now?" Nero sighs and holds up his hands “Okay. I get it, Carmella. I'm sorry I let this happen but i'm here now. I swear." He grabs her hands and holds them "We will handle Dante, Mi vida." She tosses her cig to the street as Nero walks over to them. "So what's the plan boss man." He brushes a hand down his face. "We need to cut off the goddamn head. Dante, he's running out of a rag warehouse, two blocks, at the end of Palm. Fights are in progress." She nods, Juans hands squeezing her shoulders. "Is he there now? Anyone scooping him out?" The man next to Nero shakes his head"Not sure. All of our faces are too well known around here to play double o seven" she snickers, looking over to Jax when he taps her arm as she is the main one next to him. "Ok let the white boys and slightly tan girls." She hisses at him and smacks his shoulder. "Tan!?!? I am a light sepia goddess. You redneck Tarzan." He grins but ignores her, he continues on. "let us go in, just a few fight fans. We'll see what we're dealing with."

Nero nods and she walks over to her bike, she strips off her cutte, her black lace up side high waisted jeans cover her lower stomach, but the cute pink halter crop top with the words 'brat' shows enough of her stomach to keep her cool on this hot day. bobby asks "How big is this crew?" Nero tilts his head for a second before replying "Last i knew fifteen." She is shooting off a quick text message as the man next to him shakes his head. "Nah they have been busy. More like twenty." She is pulling off her thigh and chest holster as hands her guns to her husband since her outfit wasn't loose enough to hide anything. Nero replies "If that's true with just us it's a little light." Her phone goes off and she yanks it from her back pocket with a grin. "Think again." Everyone turns to see her waving her phone with a grin "Cholo Calvary is inbound." Her husband smirks and reaches over to pat her on the ass. "That's my girl." Making the guys chuckle as she smiles brightly, her hips doing a little wiggle at the praise. Her father reaches over to yank her head close enough to kiss her temple.

Once they get to the place and on the lift of the building the sound of dog barking makes her reach out for the closest hand. Tig grips her hand back just as hard as Bobby opens the lift door. The others scatter to different corners but she and Tiggy don't release each other as they watch with Horror as the poor dogs tear each other apart. Her mind flashes to sonny. Her sweet little prince in the dog's place and seeing the raging bloodlust on the shouting mens faces makes her stomach roll. The fight is over quick and she watch a dark skin man lift the wounded white dog and walk away. She knows what happens next. Tapping tig are rapidly she whimpers "Tiggy. We can't let him." He nods and he gives her hand a reassuring squeeze and they both follow behind them man. Not realizing the others saw them. They make it to the back and her legs give out as she sees the trash cans filled with the bodies of precious dogs. All torn and slaughtered. She doesn't realize Alex has left her until she hears him say "I'll blow your goddamn head off." Her husband and father see her on the ground and rush to her. She points to the trash cans and her husband curses and helps her off the ground. Standing between her and the trash cans he holds her face in his hands "I know baby. But we can't help them now. But you saved one. Come on." She nods and lets him drag her around the corner as Tig points behind her and Juan as Jax grabs his head to make him focus "Look at this shit its so wrong." Jax nods "I know but it's not what we are here for." Walking over she grabs Tigs gun from him gently. He locks eyes with her and she nods to the beautiful dog in the kiddy pool by her feet who was licking her father's hand as he spoke softly to it. "Watch her." He nods and she walks over to the man knelt on the ground. Pressing the gun between his eyes she arches a brow "One question dickbag. Dante. Where is he?" The man points behind him "Through there. Uses the supply room as an office." She nods and hands the gun to Tig. "Piss off. And leave the dog." The man takes off as she kneels down to gently hold the dogs face in her hands. Smiling as the dog licks her cheek. "Hello love. My friend phil here is gonna carry you to your ride ok. Your not gonna fight anymore." The dog keeps licking her face and Jax taps her arm "Let's go mother pupresa. We got work to put in." She nods to phil and takes her glocks from her husband as she stands. Making her way in she sees Chibs break the lock and all hell breaks loose. Her father levels a man rushing them and she holds her guns on Dontae as Jax yells. "Put the guns down!" Dante just stares and she smirks, getting in front of him she holds one gun to his head the other to his dick. "Cough wrong. Give me a reason." He curls his lip but tells them to lower the guns she hears Jax yell and she naturally runs, smart move on her part as the room floods with Dantes crew as he yells

"I WANT THE BITCH. KILL THE OTHERS!" Making it outside she sees the gate bust open. And moves to the side as Nero and his crew take out of a few of the men following behind. The remainder of Dante's crew are quickly held down by the Mayans. She laughs and they roll through on their bikes whooping and shouting. "Fucking love you crazy bastards!" Her joy is short lived as Dante and another man run back inside and lock the door. She takes off at a full sprint as she yells over her shoulder "Dantes running. TAKE DOWN THE REST." It's quiet as nero,chibs, jax and herself move around the high stacks of boxes. All of them take different paths she is just about to turn down another way when the sound of a punch makes her take off back behind her she sees Chibs as he stabs the man who was with Dante. Using all her body weight she shoves him against one of the boxes, her fists crack against his cheek and temple. He grabs her by the hair making her shriek but the pain is short lived as he is yank off of her by Jax. She watches with glee as the man's face is shoved into a bag of nails. His screams making shudder at the agony in them, but her mind flashes back to the trash cans of dogs and she feels nothing again. They all jump into action as Nero's voice fills the warehouse "He's running!" They take off towards the sound. Shs stares at Neros back as he takes off after Dante and finally catches him at a window. She releases a short burst of laughter as Nero laughs as he pushes Dante through the window. Mother fucker was nuts. Once they all get through the window she sees a woman yanked from her van. But lucky her own dog was inside. And currently using Dante as a chew toy. Nero holds the door with his body and she leans next to him with a smirk. "That's gonna leave a mark." She leans down to watch the dog as Jax chuckles, punching her arm as she coos at the dog "Whos a good protector. You are. Good doggo." Nero heaves a sigh, his lip twitching as he tries not to laugh "We should probably let him out yeah?" Chibs smirks "That would be the good catholic thing to do." She snorts and shakes her head "I'm neither good nor Catholic so i guess he is puppy chow." All the guys around her laugh.

Back at Teller Morrow

When they got back to the club house phil, tig and herself went straight to the pool table with Dr.Chibs. She laid on her side on top of the pool table as the dog rested next to her, she gently brushed a hand over her ears and head as Chibs worked on the animal's leg wound. Her husband's hands grip and rub her thigh as he stands behind her. He knew she was shaken seeing so many dead animals. Killer his wife may be but when it came to animals. She was so sensitive to them. Thats where her and Tig bonded alot. She reaches down to grip one of her husband's hands in Silent thanks as she coos to the dog as it whimpers. "Its ok baby. Chibs is just gonna make you all better. I know it hurts." Tig pats her arm as Jax walks over "So that was one of Nero's boys. He found the breeder who is supplying the dogs. Wants us to shut it down." She nods and sits up as Tig replies "I'll gut that bitch." She grabs her bowie knife of the coffee table "i call his balls." The guys all shifted a little at that, knowing she wasn't joking. She and Tig grab their weapons of choice on the table and head for the door. Just as Chibs speaks "Lets go." Jaxs stops him "I'm gonna take Tig and Joy." Chibs shakes his head "Notta chance. You don't know what your walkin into." Jax stands firm and soon enough they are pulling. Up to a warehouse. She and tig strip off their helmets and walk ahead of Jax just as she hears a gun be cocked.

She reaches for her own but Jax's voice stops her making her turn to see the one thing she never wanted to see. One gun trained on her, another on Tig....and Jax holding both. Her face pales as Tig tries to move towards Jax and Jaxs hisses at him "Dont fucking move. Either of you." Her hands shake as she holds them up. He locks eyes with hers and nods "All weapons down. And kick yours away Joy your aim is too good to trust." She and Tig follow instructions. She keeps quiet as Tigs breathing picks up and he finally yells "What is going on Jax!?" She hears the approach of a car and her eyes narrows at the unmistakable Rolls Royce kicking up dirt and it all clicks into place. How they got out, how tig made it out with them. Jax was gonna go in but Opie some how did it first......Tig was always the chip. Because of what happened with clay. Forcing Tig to take action and kill Pope daughter. To do what he thought was right. Once again Clays lies were catching up to them.

Her rage is violent as she yanks Tig back behind her and Snarls at Jax "I'll kill you if they touch him. Ill fucking kill you all." Tigs arm wraps around her shoulder as she shakes, Gripping his arm she eyes the men getting out of the car as Tig groans. "Jax no. Come on man." Jax shakes his head "I'm sorry." She seethes "No. But you will be." Pope snaps and two men appear next to them. She and Tig are ripped apart and she shrieks, she is held back as the other man searches Tig. She is then searched herself before being tossed back at Tig. She wraps her arms around his middle. Gripping onto the man for dear life, her body shakes as Tig combs a hand over her head. Trying to calm her in a moment when she should be comforting him "Your really gonna give me to him Jax? After what he did to my Daughter. Its could have been Able, fuck it could have been sonshine here if hap had done it you bastard!" Jax yells at Pope to shut tig up and she crumbles to the ground with Tig his kidney is hit from the back. Using her legs she kicks out at the man who hurt Tig "Leave us alone you Bastard i swear to god ill bathe in your entrails for this." She is dragged away from Tig by her legs, she lands a kick and crawls back to him sobbing. He holds her on the ground with him as Jax speaks to Marks. He rocks her "Don't cry kid. Please kid don't cry." She grips a hand into his cutte. Whimpering when she and Tig are both pulled up from the ground. "Tie him up on the garage." She shrieks as he is being pulled away but Jaxs stops him "I want the Cutte." She growls and jerks in the arms holding her back. "Have you not taken enough from him Jackson for Christ Sake!?" The man approaches Tig and she struggles more "Please." The men stop, staring at the shaking and sobbing woman, for once looking her young age and her Golden eyes lock with Pope. "Let me take it off him. I'm all he has left." She was surprised when pope nods. Walking over on shaking legs she looks at the two men on either side of Alex. He reaches up and holds her face in his hands. Giving her forehead a hard kiss he whispers. "i love you kid. Best friend i ever had." She whimpers and slides the Cutte from his shoulders. He is instantly jerked away from her and into the warehouse. Her legs give out and someone catches her, apart of her knows it's Jax and she wants to struggle but she can't. Crushed under the weight of losing another brother all she can do is sob "Alex......Tiggy." Jax buries his head into the side of her hair and she hears him talking. She tries to stop sobbing and shaking to hear him "Trust me. Its hard but trust me ill fix it i promise." She pushes him away and stands. Clutching tigs cutte to her chest she watches Jax with narrow and tear swollen eyes as he walks over to his saddle bag and something clicks. Clays gun. As tumblers fall into place she watches Jaxs in slow motion as he paints the side of Popes car red with brain matter. Seeing him race into the warehouse she uses the hand not clutching the cutte to grab a silenced glock and runs after him. Seeing him take out one of Pope men she kills the other. Tig, who was thankfully alive, rams Pope as he tries to shoot them. Falling his gun lands at her feet, holding her gun on him she grins wildly "Do it. I dare you." He jerks and Jax appears at her side to grab the gun on the floor. She watches Jax as he hands Clays gun to Tig. Pope growls at Jax "You redneck bitch. Do you have any idea what will happen to who ever kills me?" A small smile ticks up Jaxs lip "Im counting on it."

She moves away as Tig blows Pope brains out the back of his skull. Walking over to Alex she wraps her arms around him. His arm not holding the gun grips her cutte. Hearing movement next to her she lifts her head, her gun held between Jaxs forth and fifth rib. "Give me one reason not to kill you prez. One."  He holds his hands up "I couldn't tell either of you. He would have picked up on it if Tig was off or if joy wasnt like she was. You know that." She did but the Image of Jaxs holding a gun on her still made her gun hand shake "He could have shot him right away Jax. Then what!?" Jax nods "But he didnt. I know that's not the best thing to say but he didnt and the plan worked. Im so fucking sorry to do that but i had to be done. We would never be free. Tig wouldn't get closure." Logic, sense, it was shooty but planned out. Pope dies at the hands of a man she and Jax want dead more than anything. And with Pope being an OG the bounty would be set and Clay would be dead before his hearing. Releasing Tig she lets him hug Jax, their eyes locked over the man's shoulder. Today something changed. Today she saw how far Jax was willing to go on his own. And she didn't know how to feel about it

The club house

Sitting across from her husband in their old room he stares in wild eyed shock as she nods, her wet hair dripping onto the sheets. She had felt so dirty when they got back that she had passed everyone and went upstairs to shower. Now dressed in some cotton shorts and a hoodie she lights up a blunt, inhaling deeply. She told him everything, her father would be next but she needed Juan right now. "Jesus baby. I didn't know he was going to…..i.....i never would have let you go with him alone if i knew." She lets him yank her onto his lap, her legs thrown over the side as She held out the blunt for him, he tilts his head and lets her hold it for him as he inhales. His hands to busy rubbing and gripping her legs, sides, her face as he tries to calm himself. Holding his inhale he replies "I love you baby. Im so fucking sorry you had to live that. Fuck i could strangle him. Was Opie not enough?" She exhales the smoke along with him. Filling the room with the smell of gas and apple wrapping paper "Apart of me knows he was right. Pope would sniff out a fake performance for a mile. But i feel so hollowed out. I know tig is alive, i know Jax didn't really betray either of us but i still feel it." She waves a hand "Maybe it's that i feel used by him. And that alone makes me feel dirty."  He nods and presses his lips to her forehead. Taking the blunt from her he takes another hit. "And your allowed to feel how ever the fuck you please. Jax knew what might happen if he did this. Trust and loyalty only go so far until the broken pieces just don't fit right anymore. So your going to heal from this. And i'll be right here if Jax has anything to say i'll handle him." She cant help but grin watching her husband blow smoke off to the side, his jaw tight and sharp she cant help but draw her tongue along its shape making him look at her with wide eyes. "You have no idea how hot you look when your angry daddy." he chuckles and shakes his head, taking in her low lids and dopey smile. "And you're cute when you're a high and horny baby." She snorts as his hands and rests her head on his shoulder as he takes the last deep hit from the blunt before tossing the roach into the ash tray to break down later. She uses her hand to turn his head as he gets ready to blow the smoke out. He smirks and fists a hand into her hair, his other hand palms her bare breast over the hoodie as he blows the smoke into her mouth.

*She couldn't hold it as she moans, her skin was sensitive and her mind was only focused on his hands. She scrambles out of his lap and crawls up the bed, but she doesn't get far as quickly grabs her ankle and yanks her back with a chuckle. "Where do you think your going?" She takes her bottom lip between her teeth as she tries not to smile. He yanks his shirt over his head and crawls over her, her fingertips ghost up his sides as he claims her mouth. She could taste the weed on his tongue, and that ever present mint. She groans as his lips leave hers but she arches as he pushes the hoodie up to expose her bare chest to his eyes. Leaning down his tongue circles one nipple before blowing on it, making her still shower warm skin break out into goosebumps. He presses his face into her sternum and drags his tongue along the anarchy A that rests there as his hand slides down onto her shorts, she feels his grin when he finds no panties in his way. She is hot and slick as he slides two thick fingers inside. "Yes touch me!"

He lays on his side, his arm propping his head up as he watches her writhe and moan as his pace picks up. Pressing his nose against her temple his lips brush her ears as he speaks lowly. "Do you have any idea how sexy you look like this?" She shakes her head, her eyes wide and glazed as she stares up at the ceiling, one hand rolling her own nipple, the other gripping his forearm, the feel of his muscles moving under his skin as his fingers fuck into her driving her higher. "Legs spread wide for me. Wet little pussy gripping my fingers like you never want me to stop." She shuddered and groans "I don't want you to stop. Please daddy. Fuck me?" He smirks and removes his fingers much to her dismay. As she turns to pout her mouth falls open as she watches him suck his cum covered fingers into his mouth. She quickly strips off her shorts and reaches for his pants and belt. He chuckles at her enthusiasm and she swats his stomach making him curl up and laugh harder. She giggles and stops trying to strip him. "Your such a dork Juan." He nods and reaches down to quickly undo his own pants, sitting up he leans his back against the headboard and shoves his pants down enough to free himself and yanks her onto his lap. Holding his cock steady he lets her slide down onto it, watching her face as her eyes fall closed at the stretch. Her hands gripping his neck and shoulders as she grinds down onto him. "Jesus you feel so good."

His hands slide up the sides of her smooth thighs to her waist, the hoodie pulls up with his hands until her lower half is exposed, her rocking hips in full view, using his hands he slowly starts to set the pace. His eyes taking in the image she made. Sun streaming through the window made her bronze skin glow, her wet curls bounced as she rode him. Lips red and kiss swollen from his lips. One of his hands leaves her waist to grab her jaw making her blink her eyes open.. "Open your eyes baby. I want to see them as you cum." Her brow is drawn and she can't control the sounds falling from her mouth, but she nods. Her hands claw at his shoulders and he gives in, needing to hold her closer, his arms wrap around her yanking her to fall into his chest. She places her hands on the wall next to his shoulders and starts to quake over him. Her lips trimble and he releases her hips and grabs her face in his hands. "Your close aren't you baby." She nods, a whine falling from her lips. She watches him watch her as she rides him as hard as she can. Her body was so close but she couldn't reach it. "Juan.....can't."

He grins and moves a hand down between them, his thumb strokes her clit and she shudders with a cry. "Come on baby. Want that pretty pussy to come. Come Joy." She groans and her bodie tenses, her thighs quivering against his hips as she arches. His thumb keeps up its circling. Making her jerk and dig her nails into his shoulder, with a growl he jerks up into her hard. Forcing a breathless cry from her.

"Do that again I'm gonna get you pregnant." He says it through clenched teeth and closed eyes but the way her fingers freeze for a second before digging harder. His head jerks up and he stares at joy. Her eyes were glazed and her lip was between her teeth as she slowly rolled her hips down onto him. Her body jerked every once in a while as his thumb pressed down hard. He watches her for a second and he smirks. "You want my baby inside you Joy?" She nods and he growls, his hands hold her waist as he pushes her back. Keeping himself inside her as he gets her on her back. His forearms hold her legs back as he pounds into her, her head is tossed back as she screams. The thought of pumping her full, watching her stomach grow. Fuck he was close. Looking down at her he he groans "Look at me." She whimpers and forces her eyes open. The hazel eyes staring up at him look so gold in the light from the sun outside and he pants. "I want my baby to have your eyes."

Her back arches violently off the bed as her whole body quakes under him, a flood of her juices soak his cock and her grip is so tight he can't hold off as it milks him. Shooting inside her he groans, laying on his side he rolls her to join him.* His lips brush her forehead as they both pant, he watches the light slowly fade from the room. His mind clear and his body lax he barely hears his wife as she whispers. "I want them to have yours Juan." He grins, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Guess we are spending the night. Good thing Tig got Sunny from the house. He will be good for Tigs dog i think." She nods, looking down at her body and his she giggles at his boot clad feet on the pillow. "No shoes in bed you street rat." He chuckles and slowly pulls away from her, his limp cock sliding from her making her hiss and narrow her eyes at him. "Don't give me that look. No shoes in bed." She rolls her eyes and reaches over the side of the bed to get her discarded shorts. Pulling them on she shoots a text to Tig to  feed Sonny for her and plugs up her phone to charge.

Curling up she drifts until Juan returns and from the smell of his skin he showered, but she doesn't have much time to think more on it as she finally slips under. She jerks what she feels isn't a moment later but when she opens her eyes she sees nothing. Pitch black and the sound of Juans snoring and her phone going off. With a groan she grabs it and rolls onto her back. "Hello?" She sits up straight at the voice on the other line, making Juans arm draped across her stomach fall off. Waking him with a grunt as he looks around. "We have a problem Joy." She feels a cold feeling settle in the pit of her stomach as she replies "Jax what's wrong?"

Jax's House

Their bikes couldn't move fast enough, she barely puts down the kick stand before running towards the house, she stops short as she hears her name being yelled. Looking over she sees Tara and she races for her, her eyes stinging as Tara looks up at her with bright wet eyes. "What do you need me to do." Tara looks past her for a moment, she was worried she might have gone into shock but when Tara looks back at her she is all there. Her lips move and Joy focuses on them to read her lips and her face hardens as she gets what she says "Protect them from her." She nods and brings her fingers to her lips to press a kiss to them before smacking them on the window and walking towards the house shouldering past officer's as she went, hearing Teddy stop them from grabbing her. She pats his arm as she passes into the house. Finding Jax sitting at the kitchen table, Able rushes to her side and she lifts him up and sits him on her hip as he presses his wet face against her soft hoodie. Juan presses a kiss to the side of Ables head before going to get Thomas who was crying in the back room.

She bounces on her feet to rock Able, the hand not holding the child up is rested on Jax's shoulder as he holds his head in his hands. "She gave me papers...naming You and Juan guardians of our kids, if something happens. I signed them as they knocked to come get her. What are we going to do Joy?" She sighs, resting her cheeks against the child's cheek. "What you are going to do is leave this to Lowen. This is her area, do what the fuck she and Tara ask of you. Tara isnt stupid, she knew what this life meant when she stayed Jax. All you can do is stand by her like me and her did for you and Juan while she is inside. Stay the course, and get the fuck out of Charming the second you can. You hear me?" He nods, his hand reaches up to grip hers. If he had looked up he would have noticed her eyes weren't on him, but the door. Locked in the gaze of another woman. Gemma glares at her and she stands her ground, she wasn't scared of Gemma. But Gemma should be scared of what she has just done, because karma is a bitch. And she was its Messenger. Gemma would answer for this if it was the last thing Joy did.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That’s this new chapter. Im working on the next one as we speak. again thank you all for hanging with me. 

[melaniedragon]

Shit that tumblr says its cool to do that isn’t at all cool.

Being mean to innocent people over very minor differences. Please don’t throw hands at someone because they like pineapple on their pizza. Don’t spit at someone because they pour their ketchup on their fries.

Smoking. Getting lung cancer isn’t cool. Getting yellow teeth isn’t cool. Smelling like garbage isn’t cool. Making people sick from second hand smoke isn’t cool. Ruining your life just because a dumb fifteen year old chain smoker on tumblr told you that you should start smoking isn’t cool.

Drinking and getting drunk isn’t cool. Getting addicted to alcohol isn’t cool. Alcohol can worsen depression, it can give you health issues. It can really mess up your life pretty badly. I have a family member who have drinking problems, here’s what happened to them. Their wife and kids left them, they haven’t seen their own children for years. They had to give up their pets to adoption since they can’t take care of them, their parents don’t contact them anymore since they’re too violent when drunk. Drinking is fine if you do it responsibly but drink too much isn’t cool and it can really mess you up.

Being disrespectful to innocent old people, teachers and parents isn’t cool. If someone isn’t abusive towards you than you shouldn’t treat them poorly. Like if your mom is nice to you please treat her with respect. She doesn’t deserve to be mistreated for no reason.

Making fun of people’s grammar and spelling isn’t cool. People can have learning disorders, english can be their second language and other reasons as well. Spelling and grammar is hard. English is a terrible language. And straight up if you bully someone for their spelling and grammar, fuck you.

Shipping real life people. I am looking at you k-pop fans. Stop it. Please. This is pretty much sexual harassment. I know most bands are sexy as hell, trust me. I listen to k-pop as well. BUT I am a respectful person and I understand that these k-pop people are real human beings and they shouldn’t be shipped together like that since that’s extremely disrespectful.

Kin wars. Idk this is pretty obvious. Stop fighting on who is pretending to be who. Like? Nobody cares that your crazy ass belives that in the past life that you were Sonic the Hedgehog. No reason you should bully someone just because they also believe that they were Sonic. Like shut the fuck up. You’re not cool. You’re just a nerd that’s literally losing their mind and becoming hostile.

Eating chicken nuggets and drinking iced coffee isn’t cool or a personality trait. Like??? Who doesn’t like chicken nuggets? It’s fried chicken. Same with iced coffee its just a tasty drink. Its not special to like it. It is so immature to act like its some big part of your personality. Just shut up I don’t care that you have a poor diet. Its not a personality trait.

The “I’m nOt liKE OTher GiRls” bullshit isn’t cool. You are sexist. All kinds of girls are beautiful. You are just insecure about yourself so you push other girls down to feel better about yourself. Like? you’re not special for liking MCR and Fall Out Boy, you’re no different than any other edgy girls out there. The only difference between you and other edgy girls is that you’re an unlikeable asshole. Please grow up and see a therapist to help with your insecurity. Stop treating other girls like shit for your own personal benefit.

Being a terf. Straight up, fuck you. You are not cool you are not funny. Trans women are women. They face all kinds of harassment all the time because of transphobia. Its not fair for them when these fake ass feminists go around talking shit about them. Trans women deserve just as much respect and human rights as cis women. Stop bullying trans women. Stop trying to take away their basic human rights. They had enough of peoples transphobia. If you are transphobic you are not a real feminist. You’re just another closed minded asshole.

💕And thats it for now! Feel free to add more if you want!💕

[volcanicflash]

Morph

„A light in my hand

A light in my heart

I polish the rust off my soul

And place a mirror across from your mirror

So as to create an eternity of you” – Ahmad Shamlou, The Garden of The Mirror (trans. Jason Bahbak Mohaghegh)

 „I am the beginning and ending of what is war

And I am the beginning and ending of what is raw” – Jedi Mind Tricks

 It’s late at night, and nights usually come with grace. There’s a certain eternity to them that doesn’t try to convince me that I should believe every thought I’m having.

But this one is different. It takes only two words and a light switching up in the bathroom for me to start spiraling down. As if a part of my brain would start fogging, no longer being able to see through the endless, calm silence that a warm summer night brings. The brain, when the light switches on, becomes like the bathroom window: a frosted glass. Reality is not allowed. Reality is especially not allowed when I’m looking in the mirror for a brief moment, while I’m washing my hands, and that moment is rewriting everything I knew about myself in a split second, the horror of not seeing my reflection as it is. Or, rather, seeing it exactly as it is. Then the mirror becomes the enemy. Then is the moment of truth for the one who would rather spit herself in the face through the mirror rather than facing it.

I’m trying not to gaze into it any longer, I’m switching off the light, but as I step out from the bathroom, there’s another one in the hallway, a full-body one, gathering in the lights coming from the opposite room, just enough to reflect my silhouette. A form that stays the same even in darkness, where no one can see reality. I shut my eyes, what is reality. I know the next morning won’t be the same.

 *

 Wake up. Stretch. Get up. Sit for five minutes, observe your thoughts. They’re racing. Observe them. Stare at the wall. Put one foot on the ground, feel the cold. Put the other one down, feel the rug. Stand up, open the door, grow a shield, be bulletproof. Open the door, switch up the lights again, observe your surroundings, step on the smooth and fluffy rug that’s trying to distract you from having the thought, then open the faucet, wash your face, look in the mirror, try staying neutral. Feel the itch on your skin, the knot growing in your throat. Resist the urge to claw your face violently. No attack, no satisfaction.

Prepare yourself, be like a dead animal, your own version of taxidermy, put on a pedestal for an imagined audience that stares into your glass eyes, you could almost hear their sharp gazes like knives clashing onto the smooth surface.

Step out on the street and everything is a mirror. Dirty car windows that have „for sale” posters glued to them, dusty and uncomfortable underwear shops’ windows, supermarket walls shining inhumanly. Try not looking, look anyway.

There is no sense of body as whole while looking into a mirroring surface through the lens of dysmorphia. You see shapes and sizes impasted into something you forgot that’s human. They’re just feet that you’d rather shape and smooth down with a chainsaw, you’d slam back together as if the joint could pop back, you’d skin yourself alive to suck off flesh and fat tissue with some weird machine that’s all in your imagination, cut off the breast then reshape them and slam them back onto the flesh, no, you’ve never seen a plastic surgery, no, you’d never be able to endure one, no, absolutely no one would break open your skeleton to reshape it. Nip and tuck, that’s the other story. Sit with it.

Then come the fabrics, textiles that cover you. But none of them fall accurately, and none of them are hugging the skin in the right places. You don’t know where the right places are. You just know that they’re not right places. Palm-sized areas, softness, a curve, an angle. Nothing remains of it if you look at it from the perspective of an insect, climbing up on the skin, stepping on it with its tiny legs, one by one, barging into hairs, dead skin cells. But is this body dead or alive, when you can’t inhabit it. Where does dissociation end, when you’re dissolving in the worm’s stomach-organ, when you can finally see your true reflection in the eyes of deep sea creatures who never saw anything bright before machine encounters and their summer days and nights are infinite in the void of oxygen? Longing for deep salty water won’t sanitize your wounds, evil mathematics and ratio-obsessions. Sometimes I wonder in front of a reflecting surface if all of this will matter in a decade, among severe droughts, hailstorms, floods and food shortages. But the internalized audience and someone else’s voice, that speaks instead of mine disapproves of it. Dwelling in a foreign city, dwelling in a foreign body.

 *

 The only place that has no reflections is a dark one. Lying on the bed, for the first time in my life I wanted to know how being drunk would feel, dead, bare-assed drunk, not remembering anything the next day, in the glorious, numbing headache and graceful nausea, where throwing up would mean that for at least ten minutes I’d turn off a thought process. But I resist.

Then the emptiness ensues. There are no drinks, no drugs, but the feeling of being a vessel, a vessel of void.

I remember sitting in my kitchen with a classmate years ago, working on some insignificant project for an insignificant grade. A small-stature, very pedantic young woman, her legs carefully placed on each other, polka dots, hair in a fringe. I’m explaining the difference and connection between clitoral and vaginal orgasm, as she’s marrying her boyfriend in the next month and the only thing she did with him is kissing.

„But is this a custom in the Baptist Church, that you’re marrying the person after half a year of dating?” – I asked.

„Yeah, usually, but there were some exceptions before.”- she replied with a fake smile that slowly faded into a genuine one, after she realized she’d been through answering one of her most difficult questions in her life. „But I’m very curious. It feels so good when I hug him. And I can feel the wedding night is going to be great.” – she added.

„But have you ever felt that tingling, squeezy, flooding-hot sensation down there before?”

„Yes. It was interesting, at first, I didn’t know how to feel it. That’s why I started to be curious.”

„This curiosity was intense for me too, when I first had sex” – I added – „but my worst concern was that what will he think about my naked body. I’m not in the best relationship with it.”

„Sometimes I’m not either. But then I look in the mirror and I remember that God created us to be perfect. And when I’m thinking about that, it fills me with peace. Try to place your existence into God’s hand.”

Good for you, I thought. I’m placing my existence into the hands of a god below. God, please touch me, I can’t touch myself. Do your duty and fill this vessel. Fuck me to unfuck me.

I’m rolling back to my side, I turn up the volume on the music, the soundscapes fill me up, this is what one usually doesn’t get in subcultures and nomadic taste-groups, these intense sensations during concerts or listening, when the symbolic sonic self-destruction transcends the whole body into another realm of existence. This constant becomingness that fills every nerve, every pore, every inch of skin, these goosebumps that annihilates the pain of being trapped into a body you can’t always cope with.

 *

 What does it mean being a woman, when one is an empty vessel that could be filled up with anything. Does honoring the dread of looking in the mirror count as an approach to end this phase of utter madness? Why do I think every pain that comes across my way is trying to teach me a lesson? In fact, they do. It’s a productive emptiness, a Śūnyatā, a black ensō circle drawn to the blank paper. And with every brush stroke and every new circle drawn in silence, they become infinite, yet none of their ending is connected as the ink slowly fades out from the brush. Where the lines don’t touch, where the saturated ink-spot gathers on the paper, is where pertaining to self ends. While being a vessel of existence is not inherently something good or bad, a shattered vessel is what losing the sense of one’s femininity would look like.

In the evening I’m reading Bolaño’s 2666, where professor Amalfitano is having a conversation with the Voice. When I get tired of it, I just simply press the button on the Kindle and close the cover, I switch off the lights then I take the last stroll to the toilet.

In the hallway the full-body mirror stops me. Lights from the streets gather in it, coming through multiple windows and blinder-holes. The silhouette is standing there in its whole 171-centimeter height, dark and weirdly shaped. „What does femininity mean to you?” –  it asks. „I don’t know”. I’m trying to look away, but it stares into me. „What does femininity look like to you?” – it’s persistent and its voice is hollow but stringent. „Something that’s always someone else and is outside of me. When I see women, I see the lack of woman in me. Yet I don’t know this piece from the puzzle. Woman is a puzzle. Femininity is that piece from the puzzle and the image is not complete. Why are you asking me these?”

Before it could answer, the silhouette transforms itself into someone resembling my young mother. She has no face of her own, but I can see a vortex of words, curses and fragments from lost sentences spinning in her skull. She’s shivering, squeezing her breasts and stomach. And I can hear her voice from behind. „You are pear shaped like everyone in the family”. „I looked just like you when I was your age.” „I was even skinnier”. „When I worked at the theater, I had this guy who said once that if I put cold compresses on my breasts they would cease like pimples.” „You’re so beautiful, can’t you see yourself? Tall and long limbs.” „Many would envy your legs.” „I got fatter after you were born, but before that I was just as thin.”

She’s vibrating until her face starts growing back, then her presence fades away and the voices that came with her. Then my silhouette appears again but turned into stone. And this one tiny snake is just there at its legs, crawling up and down, slowly turning to me, growing and growing, an then it comes right through the mirror.

Its cold skin touches my feet. It creeps up and with every inch of its scales it tries to turn me on, going back and forth on the places I hate seeing the most and it just caresses me and tries to blend in with the softness, and its double tongue is weird and erotic and what’s femininity even more, than weird and erotic? Making love is a snake trying to get into a desire-machine. This is when it becomes cosmic.

[apicturewithasmile]

LOST rewatch (season 3):

[follow the entire rewatch-tag here]

episode 1 – A Tale of Two Cities:

Time for Dooooowntooooown!!!

“So I guess I’m out of the book club.”

Aaaah it’s THAT Jack flashback episode aka the lowest he’s ever been aka

It’s not that Matthew Fox is a bad actor… it’s just that everyone else on the show is better than him. It becomes even more apparent with the presence of Michael “I single-handedly invented acting” Emerson being around there to stay now.

Sawyer solving the bear cage puzzle is so cute I wanna hug him.

episode 2 – The Glass Ballerina:

Awwww yaaaaas Ben’s round glasses jkdgnidfgnoidsfg

It always baffles me how long it takes for the credits to finish. Going on minute 8 of this episode and they still rolling.

It’s Sally Slingshot

Only Ben Linus can use a camping chair as a dramatic prop

“My name is Benjamin Linus and I’ve lived on this island all my life.”

episode 3 – Further Instructions:

John being speechless after seeing naked Desmond running through the jungle – #same

Wait… is that the sweat lodge episode? If so it means sweaty topless Terry O’Quinn and my body is absolutely and 100% ready!!!

Charlie just made the same “you don’t call, you don’t write” joke on John that he already pulled on Eko

It’s probably the only totally… useless John flashback. Like… we don’t really learn anything about his character that we didn’t already know. I still enjoy every second of John screentime we get but… I wish they had used this one for something else.

“amendable for coercion” is probably what Ben has written in John’s file as well

episode 4 – Every Man For Himself:

Oh shut up Charlie, you jealous ass.

It’s the episode in which Ben knocks Sawyer out with his phallic baton.

“the big kahuna”

First time appearance of the true star of the show: bunny #8

I love that of all the characters on the show, Sawyer’s the one who reads every book he can get his hands on.

Murder cactus hair!!!

Ben’s Bunny Bag™!!!

episode 5 – The Cost of Living:

Sexy linen outfit, Ben! Love the abundance of chest hair!

“Do you believe in God, Jack?” – “Do you?” – “Two days after I found out I had a fatal tumour on my spine a spinal surgeon fall out of the sky, and if that’s not proof of God then I don’t know what is.”

“I guess he’ll be expecting us.”

episode 6 – I Do:

Yet another bad wig for Evangeline Lilly

Random Nathan Fillion

I love the cage frickle frackle scene

Nice psychological warfare, Benjamin fucking Linus!

episode 7 – Not In Portland:

 I love Juliet’s curly hair <3

“I’m Tom btw.” – nice timing, Tom!

RICHARD ALPERT!!!

Ben just lying there, chilling with his back cut open… getting some fresh air on that spine.

There it is: Angel Hair Pasta story 2.0

“I wanna know what he said. You owe me an answer.” Good God what is it with Jack and this overly possessive behaviour? Why does he always have to know everything about the women in his life?!?!?! That’s not healthy, Jack!

episode 8 – Flashes Before Your Eyes:

More Desmond, hell yes!

istg that blue semi-unbuttoned shirt is such an iconic look for Desmond and it’s also hot as fuck

OF COURSE Charlie is playing Wonderwall

episode 9 – Stranger In A Strange Land:

The worst episode yet it gives us topless Benjamin Linus.

Seriously, I have hardly anything else to say about this one.

“Your bedside manner leaves something to be desired, Jack.”

Good fucking God, Jack you entitled self-righteous asshole!

episode 10 – Tricia Tanaka Is Dead:

Roger Workman!

Where’s Sayid btw?!??!?! Haven’t seen him in a while!

Aaaah there he is my bebe Sayid!!!

“SHUT UP! Red…. Neck… Man….”

episode 11 – Enter 77:

It’s the Mikhail Bakunin episode!!!

Oh wait…. Is that a Sayid episode? The one with the cat that I had completely forgotten about until now?!?!?!

I loves Sayid’s flashback hair in this episode.

NOT EVERY NOOK AND CRANNY, JOHN!!!

Oh John, what is it with you and beeping computers?

episode 12 – Par Avion:

“Remind me why we’re keeping him alive?” – “What do you suggest? We shoot him like a dog?” – “No. I like dogs.”

I love you, Danielle!

“The John Locke I know was…” nice time travel foreshadowing

Claire’s aunt is such an asshole!

John throwing Mikhail through the sonic fence is my jam!

DADDY SHEPHARD!

Okay but… if you can just go over the fence? Then why does Smokey not just… fly over it?!

episode 13 – The Man From Tallahassee:

OH NO NOT THAT EPISODE!!! Right in the feels!!!

John finally reunited with his future island husband.

The bedroom scene! Yassss!!!

“The man from Tallahassee? What is that, some kind of code?” – “No, John, unfortunately we don’t have a code for: there’s a man in my closet with a gun to my daughter’s head. Although we obviously should.” FUCK YAAAAS!!!!

“I know you, John Locke. […] Tell me John, did it hurt?” – “I felt my back break. What do you think?”

I like Tom Friendly – he really lives up to his name.

I can’t believe that Jack – the only doctor the survivors have – wants to leave the island all because Kate fucked Sawyer. Sounds like something a guy would do who’d detonate a hydrogen bomb because his girlfriend left him.

Ben and John out-sassing and manipulating each other is foreplay tbh.

“I was born on this island…” LIAR!

THE MAGIC BOX!!!! Fgnidgnidflsgnlkdd FUUUUUCK!!!! SHIT’S GETTING REAL!!!

Also a very rare occasion in which Ben’s beautiful face has no wounds, scratches, bruises…

You can see I adore this episode by how much I have to say about it even if it’s just a ramble of feels

And now it’s bondage John!

“And then you came striding out of the jungle, John, to make my dream come true.”

episode 14 – Expose:

Wow… I can’t believe I’m already that far down into my rewatch.

Unpopular opinion: I actually love Expose. It’s so… useless and dorky that it’s amazing!

“I’m just a guest star and we all know what happens to guest stars.”

It’s Boone and Shannon *cries forever*

I can’t believe someone called Maggie Grace and told her “hey, we know you got totally screwed over and we killed your character before you could have any substantial character development but… we need you back for an episode, you gotta scream your fucking lungs out of your body once more!”

Seriously…. This is the creepiest death on the whole show.

episode 15 – Left Behind:

Hahahaha it’s the one where Hurley tricks Sawyer into being nice

I loooove Cassidy and I love they mirrored this flashback with the Kate-and-Juliet-are-handcuffed-together episode

“My name is Kate.”

episode 16 – One Of Us:

It’s the one where Ben is very very creepy

That’s probably the only episode in which I can somehow understand the people who dislike Ben…. But I still love my dear rat boy!

episode 17 – Catch 22:

Ooowwww I love Desmond episodes

Oh Kate…why?!?!

I deadass forgot the whole freighter plot, like… I knew Miles & Co. where about to appear but I forgot how this whole thing started

episode 18 – D.O.C.:

Jin’s the only one who has a nice dad and a terrible mother

Also I just typed “John” instead of “Jin” which makes me wonder: where’s my bald jungle baby?

Aaaah first mention of fake 815

episode 19 – The Brig:

Fuuuuuck I’M NOT READY!!!

They made me miss my dear John for two (three?) entire episodes only to come back with this to totally rip my heart out

The “previously on” bit already wrecks me

IT’S THE PINS AND NEEDLES SCENE!!! Also known as: Ben tries this “flirting” all the cool kids are talking about.

Terry’s looking hot as fuck in that entire episode

Ben knocking out Anthony Cooper with his walking stick is my aesthetic.

Danielle causally poppin by to get some dynamite

“little hot for heaven, isn’t it?” – I would looooove this whole red herring if it weren’t for the “they were dead the whole time”-crowd

God that Anthony Cooper = The OG Mister Sawyer reveal is AMAZING!

“I thought I was special.” – “Well, everyone makes mistakes.”

Yes, James, KILL THAT ASSHOLE!!!

“I’m on my own journey now.”

episode 20 – The Man Behind The Curtain:

My precious Carrie Preston!

Uncle Horace

“Call him Benjamin.”

“You are the man behind the curtain – the wizard of Oz. And you’re a liar.”

Namaste!

Sterling Beaumon was the best casting choice for baby Ben!!!

Mikhail Bakunin still running like the devil’s chasing him (literally, kinda, considering Smokey revived him.)

John: [Ben] and I are going to see Jacob. – Everyone else: Wuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

Ben really has a history of very shitty birthdays.

And this is making me very emotional because it reminds me of the “video of tears and pain” which makes me wanna cry my fucking soul out.

“Kinda hard to celebrate on the day you killed you mom.” Oh fuck off, Roger.

Ben’s Bunny Bag™ back in action

“I don’t wanna go back there. I hate it there.”

The way Richard talks to baby Ben is soooo similar to the way Ben talks to John I’m gonna scream!!!

Okay but this is no kiddon the best episode of this entire show so far. Like… Nothing that happened up until this point compares to this!!!

I FORGOT ABOUT BEN SPEAKING TO AN EMPTY CHAIR!!!!

Still baffles me they thought they could slap some fake hair and make-up on Emerson’s face and make him look like a 20yo – when he was already older than Ben is in our now-timeline… like… was there no 20yo actor with a big nose and bug eyes around?!?!

“Goodbye, Dad!”

“The Dharma Initiative. They came here seeking harmony, but they couldn't even coexist with the Island's original inhabitants. And when it became clear that one side had to go, one side had to be purged, I did what I had to do. I was one of the people that was smart enough to make sure that I didn't end up in that ditch, which makes me considerably smarter than you, John.”

John Locke seriously bringing a knife to a gun fight!

alright kiddos, I am #fucked up now.

episode 21 – Greatest Hits:

How many episodes actually start with someone running through the jungle?

Danielle just showing up to blow something up!

According to Jack this is day 90? So it takes another 18 days for them to actually get off the island at that point?!?! Wow.

Guess that’s the end of bunny #8

episodes 22 & 23 – Through the Looking Glass:

OH MY GOD IT’S THE FIRST FLASH FORWARD!!!

“WE HAVE TO GO BACK, KATE!!!!”

“I’m a dentist. I am not Rambo.” – I love these two so much!!

Can you believe they thought it was a good idea to give Ben round glasses that make his eyes look even bigger than they already are? He looks like straight out of a manga.

There really is a lot of fatphobia in this episode.

It’s taller ghost Walt

ALEX AND DANIELLE MEET FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!! WELP!!!

Ben letting himself be tackled and punched by Jack is such a power move. I am 100% convinced he let it happen on purpose because it’s already canon that he can easily knock out friggin Sawyer!!!

NOT PENNY’S BOAT

From Ben’s perspective this is once again John “striding out of that jungle to make my dream come true”

“I don’t wanna shoot you.”

Remember when you watched that finale for the first time and didn’t know all the time it was a flash forward and not a flashback?!?!? And then Kate steps out of that car and you were all like WOOOOAAAAHHHH?!?!?!

Remember when you didn’t know whose funeral they were talking about?!?!?!

That last scene was the first time I found Jack actually likable and relatable!

WE HAVE TO GO BACK!!!

[kinkyacademia]

*ears perked up when Mod SourPatch suddenly appear* can I ask for a fluffy scenario with Shindou Yo? He and his s/o were dating for a long time and meet again at the place where the exam took place? Like Shindou's face lit up when he saw his s/o and both schools were confused with the sudden fluffiness roaming into the air~

In this mighty need, I must ask for forgiveness. This request is actually a part of something I already wrote personally and it matches your request perfeect so I figured I would share! It was originally with my OC, but I changed it to be fem! reader but kept the quirk, the only difference is that their marked as ‘friends’ but i think you would like it either way. 

You can read the original (as with Himawari), here. I’ll be making a part two for Himawari and if this is liked, I can always put part two here being reader eccentric.

- Mod SourPatch ☕ ☕ ☕

He couldn’t believe it, was this her he was seeing? It felt like forever and he just couldn’t wrap his finger around this scenario. Watching closely, he saw that another school had come up to her class, seeming to be cause some problems with other students but she seemed unfazed. As soon as she gave her smile at something dumb and probably silly, he knew it was her.

For a moment, he was thankful that Mrs. Joke invited them over to see up close. He was right, there was a light in his eyes his classmates had never seen before. Tatami Nakagame didn’t look to pleased.

“(Name)!!” Quickly, he walked over to the class before anything else could happen, he had to say hello. The giant smile on her face grew and had his heart skip a beat, he couldn’t help but smile back, wrapping his arms tightly around her chest and stomach.

“What the fuck, (Name). Who’s this loser?” Bakugo commented, seemingly upset that some rival school is getting up close and personal with his classmate, or his school in general. He was gonna kick all their asses anyway.

“Yo, Shindou. He is an old friend of mine who went to another school.” Her (eye color) never left his black eyes, a small red tint on her cheeks.

He walked around, pretending to be nice and greet all of class 1-A. He had a couple reasons to doing so, one to impress (Name) the other was to get up close and personal with the rival school. That was until he reached Bakugou, with a scowl on his face, “Don’t patronize me, your words don’t match your eyes.”

“It’s been awhile, since last summer right?” Shindou commented, turning fully towards his friend, and long time crush completely ignoring Bakugou. “You never called me back last week, or even told me about your license exam?”

“Like you’re one to talk! You didn’t tell me either, and I had to study. My homeroom teacher loves to hand out expulsions apparently.” She shrugged, that long (hair color) hair resting on her shoulders. There was a hair tie on her wrist, and as soon as she started brushing her hands through her hair he replaced her hands with his own.

“Yeah yeah, it’s always my fault.” He laughed a little, seemingly soft and gentle with her hair putting it into a braid on her shoulders instead of a ponytail. “I can never do anything right.” She giggled, turned around and putting her hands on his cheeks. Her hands were so warm, just like he remembered.

“You are perfect.” She stood there like that for a moment, and he couldn’t help but smile, blush, and speak. It only lasted a minute, before she was taken away to start their exam.

It was super crowded, to the point many people didn’t feel too comfortable with the amount of people. Murmurs and shuffles switched with every person in the room trying to get comfortable, (Name) herself was standing close to Momo, one of the new people she felt most comfortable around.

“This is almost unbearable.” (Name) played lightly with her braid that Shindou had done for her just like when they were younger. “There are a lot of people here, I wonder what the task will be… what if I don’t pass?”

“You’ll be fine (Name).” Denki was standing by, putting a hand on his classmates shoulder. Mina popped up as well.

“Besides you have to impress that cutie from the other school!” Mina held her hands to her chest, almost squealing her words. As the two of them barely finished their conversation, before the announcer had begun to explain the exam. (Name)’s heart felt like it would stop, her quirk, she didn’t have anything for this. The first phase of the exam each person was given six rubber balls, and they had to a hit three targets on a single person in order to pass.

Her quirk: Sirenism, her quirk allows her to manipulate vibrations with her own voice to attack, defend or somewhat hypnotize anyone willing to listen to her voice. She could also manipulate emotions, feelings within oneself, but she would never do that. Being one of the girls in the middle, she was one who would attack last. She stood behind Mina, and unfortunately next to Mineta.

It was going on faster and harder than she was able to keep up, Jack Amplifier, Acid Veil, Black Anhk… the last thing she remembered was trying to inhale enough air to produce a massive gust of wind, but then she had blacked out to a rough, shake of vibrations in the earth below her feet. She knew what quirk this was, it was Shindou’s Shakeup.. He had caused an earthquake, getting her stuck.

By the time she awoke, she was on her own and hidden by the rubble. Pain shot through her body causing her to scream slightly before biting her hand to muffle the sounds. Her leg was stuck under rubble and some pieces were just too heavy to move. If she tried her scream, it would break the rubble but she was in no shape to run if someone was near by.

A scream left her lips as she tried one last time to move the rubble. She would have take her chances, but instead of screaming for attention, she would call for it.

The sound that came from her lips was much like the stories of myth and legends.

Ahhh~Ahh~aaaahh~  Slowly males started to turn, and just as slowly walk towards the sound. Others did of course too, women of curiosity. She was surrounded by more than she presumed. “Damnit..” deep breath left her lips, if she didn’t act soon she would have lost in the first part. Her classmates would have been so disappointed, her teachers, everyone would be. “Forgive me Hera.” She muttered, taking in a deep breath before covering her own ears.

“I know that sound…” Shindou was standing there, facing off with another school when he heard (Name) calling, the other male feeling enchanted, slowly sulking off to the sound as well. Moments later when he heard the massive scream that would have been from a banshee, a siren even did he learn what that meant.

“Yo, wait! What are you doing!? The finish is that way”  Tatami called out, watching her crush run towards the sound. No one else other than the other school was going towards the sound.

“It’s (Name)! She’s in trouble!”

“(Name)!” There were two voices who called out to her, something she didn’t expect to hear so soon after letting out a sonic cry, leaving several who had followed on the ground, their lights black and in a daze.

“W-What the!?” Iida had soon made it to the top of the rubble, taking a look around at the scene where the other school boy had reached as well. Sharing an unpleasant stare at each other for just a second until they realized what had happened.

“Iida! Shindou!?” Their names were a cry of relief from the sound of her voice, “I’m stuck under the rubble!”

“How…I never noticed!” Iida was quickly down, pulling off the rest of the little rubble. “I left you alone, and as a class president, this is simply unacceptable!”

“I’m so sorry (Name).. I didn’t think you would get stuck.” Shindou put his hand on her forehead, resting his against hers.

“Get away from her, you are from a rival school!” Iida demanded, only to be shut up by an angry glare from his younger classmate.

“He is my friend. Leave him alone, and get me out from under here! If they wake up, they’re gonna be mad and come after all of us!” (Name) pointed around to the men on the ground, “I used my voice to trick them into knocking themselves out for me, but then I only had a second to use my scream to paralyze them. We don’t have much time.”

“You have completed, but I have yet to do so. There is only a little time left.. I’ll take you the finish and try to finish on my own as well.” Iida looked around, noticing that many were still around over the hide of the rubble. Shindou used his quirk to break the large rock on her leg into dust.

“I’ve already completed, I was on my way to the finish room when I heard her. I’ll take her with me.” Iida looked like he was going to respond but the look in (Name)’s eyes changed his mind. Nodding, watching Shindou pick up the (hair color) with a look of love and trust in her eyes, pulling her out of the rubble and onto his lap.

“I leave it to you.” Iida snuck out, nodding again to the two. (Name) was still resting against his leg, unaware of Tatami watching closely.

“Let’s get you to the infirmar-” Shindou was taken off guard, when she put her hands lightly on his cheeks, brushing her lips onto his. It only took a minute for him to return the kiss, wrapping his arms around her and holding her closer while her hands moved to the back of his neck to support herself, and one arm around his shoulder. Tatami’s heart broke into pieces, tears poking her eyes.

“My knight in shining armor as always Shindou.” She averted her eyes, feeling his smirk and smile all in one against her blushing face.

“As always. Let’s go.” He too avoided her gaze, but not after one last comment. “I’ve been waiting 12 years for that kiss. Think I could get another?”

“Maybe for round two of the exams. I’ll need a little help.”

[pinupgalore-lanadelrey]

Lust For Life - so far

Cherry - (live / more) White Mustang (snippets) Summer Bummer - Ft A$AP Rocky (snippets) Groupie Love -  Ft A$AP Rocky (snippet) Change - (snippets) 

 “I wrote a song called, 13 Beaches which talks about how I do it, last summer, I had to go to 13 different beaches before I could find one without paparazzi, where I laid down with a book. But we can get used to anything. And then maybe it’s worth it. What I can’t get used to, is systematically finding my songs on the internet before they’re supposed to come out. It takes so much time to make a record… a year and a half! When leaving the studio, I always have to hope that they’re secure.”

I have a song that’s quite aware about the collective worry, about whether this is the end of an era. It’s called “When the World Was at War We Kept Dancing.” But I actually went back and forth about keeping it on the record, because I didn’t want it there if it would make people feel worse instead of better. It’s not apathetic. The tone of the production is very dark, and doesn’t lead to a fucking happy feeling. And the question it poses: Is this the end of America, of an era? Are we running out of time with this person at the helm of a ship? Will it crash? In my mind, the lyrics were a reminder not to shut down or shut off, or just don’t talk about things. It was more like stay vigilant and keep dancing. Stay awake. “God Bless America,” and another song called, “When the World Was at War We Just Kept Dancing,” which is about what we’ve been talking about: trying to stay positive, and just believing that things are going to be okay. And if it feels like they’re not going to be okay, we’ll try and make them okay individually and then together.”

Tomorrow Never Came - ft. Sean Lennon Beyond the meta-awareness of the lyrics and rich instrumentation [Lennon added “acoustic six- and 12-string guitar, electric guitar, lap steel, upright bass, vibraphone, harpsichord, orchestra bells, drums, and Mellotron strings, and shaker”], a particularly resonant lyric repeats itself a handful of times: “You weren’t in the spot you said to wait.”  I ask Del Rey if there are running themes of stasis or waiting elsewhere on the record. “I think that’s why I felt that of anything on the record, that wasn’t my song,” she considers. “I didn’t feel like I was waiting for anything. It’s really not about anything personally, except that I love the sonics of it; the filters. I try to be as careful as I can that I’ll want to sing stuff on stage that I write. And that song will be an easy one to do because it doesn’t pull at any heartstrings or anything. And I know it’s special to Sean as well, because he’s his dad’s biggest fan. And so I like that, in a small way, they had a moment, in whatever surreal way that could happen. Notably, there is a track on Lust for Life, recorded with Sean Lennon, a layered and playful number that explores, among other things, John Lennon and Yoko Ono – a canonical deity of lust and artistry if ever there was – that sees Del Rey refreshingly step outside her own paradigm. “I felt like it belonged to someone else,” she says of the single, “Tomorrow Never Came.” “And I never feel that, because I like to keep everything for myself. I thought it might be strange for Sean to sing a song about John and Yoko as well. But I think the fact that I sing, ‘Isn’t life crazy now that I’m singing with Sean.’ It points to the fact that we’re both aware. I didn’t want it to come out exploitative in any fashion. Not that it would. Still, I wanted to be as careful as possible. I wanted it to come across layered with this sort of meta narrative mixed in. In a way it’s a song about a song.”  Sean Lennon - “I felt like it was my job to simply highlight and accentuate what was already there in her voice and melody, and in her lyrics.

Beautiful People, Beautiful Problems - where she trades verses and coalesces on the chorus with the one and only Stevie Nicks, “I didn’t know what to except or that I could even ask her, Del Rey remarks. “When I went through ideas of women that could really add something to the record, she was the one we kept coming back to.” - Lana   “That’s where “Beautiful People, Beautiful Problems” comes from, because we are trying to ride above all the problems and have hope in everything else, but it’s still a world filled with problems no matter how hard we try to change it.”  - Stevie Nicks  

“God Bless America,” an unbridled spanker of a song that’s title refrain is followed by, “And all the beautiful women in it.” “Yeah, I went there. It has some strong messaging. Some iconography, with Lady Liberty, fire escapes and the streets, and I do get a little New York feel when I listen back to it.” I tell her the song feels grandiose in production, anthemic in verse… very New York in fact. And while New York (and its banks) have churned out the free world leader and a boys club not so concerned about everyone therein being blessed, moreover the “beautiful women in it”—reminding us that grandiosity has its pitfalls—“God Bless America” could easily ascend the ladder as a 2017 rally cry. “Well, it’s the God word, but the phrase has wider meaning. It’s more of a sentiment. When I wrote it I didn’t feel like it was confined to a traditional portrait of the Lord, as some sects might see it. It was more like, ‘Fucking God bless us all and let’s hope we make it through this. When all the Women’s Marches were happening, I had already written this song, because I had been hearing a lot of things online. And I have a sister, and a lot of girlfriends, who had a lot of concerns about things that were being said in the media by some of our leaders. And I saw an instant reaction from women, and I was like, ‘Wow. There is no confusing how women are feeling about the state of the nation.’ And so without really trying to, I felt compelled to just write a song and say we are all concerned. And it really made me think about my relationship with women. And I felt proud of myself, because I do love the women in my life. And I take care of them, and I ask them what they think about music, and guys, and problems, and I thought it was so cool that I’m really right there in the same boat with them. And sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I feel like I’ve got my finger right on the pulse of what’s going on, and then some of my music comes out and it’s like, ‘Fuck, that was a miss. Fuck, that’s not what people feel, at all. But with this, I was right there with everyone.” In “God Bless America”… ‘Take me as I am, don’t see me for what I’m not… Only you can save me tonight.’ It’s about seeing people: what they’re actually doing. Who they actually are.”

Love - The last 16 months, things were kind of crazy in the US, and in London when I was there. I was just feeling like I wanted a song that made me feel a little more positive when I sang it. “ I knew that the first song I wanted to put out was “Love” because of everything you and I have been talking about so far. It’s just the age-old thing: love is all there is. And I really was feeling that way. I made a lot of records for myself, chronicling my own stories, and I’ve played so many shows now, I’ve seen all the same kind of kids and grown-ups coming to the shows, and I really wanted to make a record for them.” (x)

Lust For Life -  “I’ve been friends with Abel [Tesfaye] from The Weeknd for a long time, and I knew I wanted to put the title track, “Lust for Life,” out second because we have so many mutual fans and I knew they would love it.” “I love the new song, too. I’m glad it’s the first thing out. It doesn’t sound that retro, but I was listening to a lot of Shangri-Las and wanted to go back to a bigger, more mid-tempo, single-y sound.” “I have let myself go a little with the song ‘Lust For Life’… I have worked on it on multiple days a week for one and a half years. It has passed every stage, it started with a futuristic and dark vein like Blade Runner. Also, I decided to return to a radiant Shangri-La like style… After working for some months, Abel (The Weeknd) joined to add his part. This song became my baby, an unmanageable and maleficent baby which made me crazy. I quickly understood that this album would sound like a trip, a mix.” (x)

“I kinda want to dig into a little bit more of the acoustic side of the record. I have a track called ‘Yosemite’ which i really like, which is just a little bit more laid back, it’s kind of a love song that I did all in one take in the room.” The co-existence of different songs on the same album, like the very complex ‘Lust For Life’ with the desert-like ‘Yosemite’, it is not very reasonable. One tries to put me off, one tells me the contrast is too extreme, but I love the two songs too much to exclude one because of the other one. These are the songs which make me life, and more than that, as well: they have some experience.” “Songs like ‘Tomorrow Never Came’ and ‘Yosemite’ pick up the sounds of 70s folk, and if I would have to create an album concept in a day, it would surround the legendary Laurel Canyon particularly.” “ It just goes back to my favorite song on the record, “Yosemite,” and doing it for the right reasons.” “I think one of my favorite tracks on the record is called “Yosemite.” The chorus is [begins to sing] “We did it for fun, we did it for free, I did it for you, you did it for me, we did it for the right reasons.” -  possibly changed to Get Free

Coachella - Woodstock in My Mind - “I wrote on my way home from Coachella when things were getting hostile between North Korea and the U.S., and all those failed missile launches, which happened the day after the first night of the festival. I feel lucky to be able to speak my mind through music right in the present moment.”

Roses Bloom For You (Snippet) Architecture

[reblogsnshit]

tagged by @mistersunshinesprinkles alright lets go

10 Random Facts About Me:

1. even though all my life everybody said i was “extremely intelligent and mature” i dropped out of high school a few years back, not even the final year, after having redone the first year. suddenly people saw me as the dumb class clown and i still have issues about that

hitting with the heavy stuff head first yo

2. you probably didn’t know that but i like video games a lot

3. you probably didn’t know that but i like buff women a lot

also i’m bi

4. once in elementary school i was going to school then i stopped walking all of a sudden, i don’t know why, and then a huge-ass brick came crashing down right in front of me. if i had kept walking it would’ve crushed my brain for sure because 1) i was 8 or 9 2) i tried to lift that brick but i couldn’t, too heavy

5. once in middle school me and my two friends were playing in an industrial site and I ran an iron bar through my left hand (not completely but hey) by accident, I was so afraid I’d get grounded or something that I kept the wound secret to everybody but my friends. the wound turned purple and orange in a matter of days and then it just quietly healed. that was extremely stupid of me because that shit could’ve easily gotten infected

6. in my stupid kid years i had three crushes a day, one time when i was harassing the shit out of one girl she stood up in front of the whole class and said that, well, i was a stupid kid that couldn’t stop harassing her. the embarrassment and shame i felt from that prevented me from actually looking to start a relationship with anybody else and made me believe that nobody would fall in love with me (i still have trouble with this tbh), even though she was 100% in the right and i frankly needed this

7. also every single one of my friends up until 2012 or so figuratively fucked me behind my back, as a result i have tremendous trust issues, can only have a couple friends at a time, and i have troubles speaking of what i like, what i do with my life or my feelings. also it’s absolutely not my desire to do so but i believe that every human being is evil at their core, although i know that’s stupid because hey @palmer-eldritch-on-holiday exists

8. once about a decade ago i spent 130€ or so on mobile games in a week. my mom caught me and gave me a rough time, told me never to do it again. being the little shit that i was, a year later i did it again

9. with a few exceptions, i still feel that any of the social links in Persona 3 & 4 were more “real” than any actual relationships Ive had up until the point I finished them

10. don’t worry buddy, i also happen to know the best hentai artists out there

5 OTPs

i really don’t think about that stuff much, sorry lmao

11 questions that will wow your partner in bed, by Lethey

1. Which piece of fiction do you wish you’d have written and why? - absolutely no idea. i don’t read much :(

2. Coffee Or Tea? - tea, i abhor the taste of coffee with a fiery passion

3.What’s your favourite game of all time and why?- okay when someone asks me that question my mind always goes SONIC R SONIC R SONIC R because who the hell doesn’t love that soundtrack. however if im being a little more honest to myself it’s either gotta be metal gear solid 3 or splinter cell chaos theory, i just love stealth games so much

i don’t really think i have only one favourite GOAT though. i love mgs 3 and splinter cell 3 as much as i love lands of lore 2 for example, or any modern tekken games, guilty gear XX, persona 3, etc.

4. If you could have any kind of hairdo, what would it be? - haha i’m fine with my current one

5. Your de-stress method of choice? - taking a shit. seriously. aside from that, playing games obviously

6. Favourite guilty pleasure - i don’t really have guilty pleasures, i don’t play bad games or watch bad shows or films ? however i guess sonic r could be considered a guilty pleasure so idk, i can feel the sunshine from time to time

7. Biggest anime crush? - that’s gotta be either urumi kanzaki from gto or the major from ghost in the shell

8. Dish you could prepare flawlessly if you could – chirashi

9. Chinese or western horoscope? - uuuuh i think i’m a dog and pisces

10. Is there a song that inspired you in life? If so which one? - don’t really have any songs that inspired me per se, however the sonic r soundtrack cheers me the fuck up

11. Is there a historic figure you’d like to have coffee with? Who? - nope

11 questions that will BLOW perception of the ending to the Last of Us, from me:

1. Keyboard and mouse or controller, which do you generally prefer for games?

controller. i grew to hate first person shooters so I really have no need to play with a M&KB in most of my games, if a game has controller support i’ll just hook my pad up

2. What is the most you have eaten in one go?

two huge pizzas and a half in front of my family. they didn’t think i could do it. they didn’t think i would continue to eat after the first pizza. they didn’t think they’d see my mouth completely red one day, the blood of my enemies dripping down from the corners of my mouth

3. If you could take regular tranquil strolls or jogs through a fictional place of choice, where would it be and why?

no idea so i’m gonna answer with the battlestar galactica

4. Who are the characters you would die to see happy and content?

girls

5. What is the sequel/follow-up that kills you every time you remind yourself it will never happen?

silent hill 5

a new metroid game

a new castlevania game

the real mgs 5

REmake 2

the real ninja gaiden 3

a sequel to persona 2

a new splinter cell game, shut the fuck up blacklist was easily top 3

6. Do you minmax for the optimal gains when the choice presents itself, or do you absorb the world, efficiency can go eat a dick?

i used to blob like you but then I took a demon’s souls in the knee jesus that was cringy to type

7. Words you frequently misspell out of habit?

misspell.

seriously. also most words that have two consonants in a row like successfully

8. Theme song of your life?

what i’d like it to be

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qaDTOkPQ6A

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAeBXh25NiQ

vs what it is

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kcF7E69C6Q

9. The historical figure you would chain to a table, and spank with a paddle?

Rouss-

i’m not aware of any historically buff girls so none

10. What’s a piece of media you were eh on, but improved in retrospect? If that’s unavailable, the thing you liked but seemed to get worse the more you thought about it?

metal gear solid 4

at first i thought it was a decent game but with a bit too many cutscenes, and then i wised up and saw that the real game was in first half of act 1 and first half of act 2, then you can practically never play metal gear solid again. second half of second half of act 2 has you desperately trying to sneak through a warzone overrun with constant respawning enemies and then puts you through a fucking turret section IN THE SECOND ACT, act 3 is just peekaboo and cutscenes, act 4 is mgs 1 nostalgia with nothing to do and cutscenes, act 5 is impossible to sneak through, weird fight scene, button mashing and cutscenes.

“but dust, mgs 3 also had many long cutscenes !” 1) they were easily understandable, 2) they were fun to watch

good lord they devised the best gameplay in the entire series and they did NOTHING with it i’m still pissed ten years later

11. Black jeans or blue jeans?

bleached blue jeans are cool but black jeans are my jam

not tagging anybody because i’m an ass and everybody i wanted to tag as done it already