#sorry alex u gotta stay bare for now...

[temeyes]

Hey! I love your style ☺️ Can you draw Alex? if that's okay. It could be anything really. Thank you 🫶🏻

ok!!!

[semischarmed]

Detour

“Really Scott,” you say, as you run your fingers through your hair. “I don’t look familiar to you at all?” You take a mental picture of your high school tormentor’s face. Damn. ‘You’ve only gotten hotter these past few years haven’t you?’

“Nah man, sorry” He states as he moves to close the door to his apartment. You give a slight rub to a small gold medallion and his body starts moving on it’s own. You stare at him with a cruel smile as he tries to wrestle control back of his body. Your face strains but you are able to force him to let you into his place. Scott, evidently, was smarter than he looks as you notice him take a mental note of your struggle and the medallion. You’re gonna have to be careful around him.

You have to admit, this is a lot tougher than you initially expected. Much like his body, man has a will of steel, and even with this necklace’s little power boost, you can only barely contain him. But you have the power of raw emotion coursing through you. Envy. Lust. Unlike Scottie over here, lady luck has not been kind to the past few years past high school. That all changed when you came across this medallion. A strange, mystical, wonderful medallion with strange, mystical, wonderful powers. As soon it came into your possession, you instantly knew the first person who would have the privilege of witnessing its power firsthand. Scott reclaimed a bit of power over himself.

“What the fuck dude! You got the wrong guy! I really don’t know who you are!” You have to hold back a bit of your hurt. All those years of agony and fear, and it doesn’t even register a blip to him. ‘Fuck it, worth it for what I’m about to get.’ With another rub of the medallion you force him to freeze.

As you study his frame, still and glistening with a nervous sweat, you are overcome with a wave of lust- you can’t wait to possess the fuck out of this man. He’s only gotten bigger, beefier since the last time you’ve seen him. You are cut from your trance as you hear a soft “zzzz” sound.

His phone buzzes again and, rubbing your medallion, you force him to pull it out and unlock it for you. “Who is this?” You ask, as you take a closer look at the string of texts. “Almost back!” “Hey u wanna get some pizza tonight?” “Dude I gotta tell you about Sophie at the weights today.“

“I-It’s Alex, he’s my friend. He’s my best friend. We’re roommates. Also he’s coming back soon, so you should probably go. This-whatever the fuck this is man, I won’t tell anyone I promise. Just go” he states nervously. Try as you might, you can’t read if he’d genuinely let you go. Knowing the Scott you knew in high school, he’d probably beat you to a pulp as soon as you released your hold on him. Whatever. Not leaving anyway. You stare at more pictures of his friend from Scott’s social media. Fit, cute- hot even, easy on the eyes. Ok then, maybe a little detour is in order. 

“I’m gonna give you a choice.” You state plainly, as you set his phone on the table. “And I know you remember who I am, so you can stop the act. You? Or Alex? Who’s it gonna be?” He probably thinks you’re gonna kill him. Not even close. If anything, he’s gonna be getting a new lif-

“Alex, Alex! Please dude, just leave me alone!” He says without hesitation. Damn. Cold-blooded. You smile with menacing compliance. 

“Alex it is.”

----

Minutes later, a sweaty Alex unlocks the door to his apartment, eager to get quick shower in and order some dinner. “Oh, uh, I didn’t realize we’d have guests”. 

Alex smiles warmly at you and greets you, “Hey, I’m Alex, Scott’s roommate. Good to meet you!” He looks at his hand. “Sorry, I just got back from the gym, so I’d shake your hand, b-” “So you’re Alex! good to meet you too!” you cut him off by extending your hand, which he awkwardly shakes out of formality. You use this to take a sneak preview of your future vessel’s hands. Calloused, but soft. Thin, damp. Vascular. Good.

“Yeah, I’m an old friend of Scott’s. From high school,” you lie. “He said he had to grab something from the store, so he’ll probably be back in a bit.”

“Aww well, I’m sorry he’s been keeping you waiting” Alex gives a warm smile. “He’s usually pretty good at this kind of stuff, so I’m sure he had a good reason. Do you want like a water or something?” 

He starts to head to the kitchen. You stifle a moan as you quickly stick your hand in your pants and smear his gym sweat all over your dick. Sneak preview. 

As he fashions himself a glass of water and glances back as you quickly take your hands out your pants before he notices. “Oh no, no! I’m alright! Thank you for the offer though!” you beam back. Close call.

‘Alex is such a nice, stand up guy’ You wonder to yourself, ‘why is he friends with that piece of shit’

“I’ve known Scott since college, so a little less than you, haha” he adds, as if hearing your mental conversation. “He always keeps it real and he’s even been helping me get toned”. He smiles and does a small bicep flex to demonstrate -hot- before he ravenously gulps down the entire glass of water and sets it down.

‘Fuck yeah, I can’t wait to be the one going down that tube’ you think, as you bite your lip. Alex starts to head your way. You then pick up on his scent, he smells clean- probably his cologne or deodorant. Mountains. Mint. Fresh rain. He’s like a breath of fresh air. Then the undercurrent of his scent hits. Raw, primal, alpha as fuck. You’re a bit surprised. Such a kind, clean cut guy and he apparently naturally smells like a filthy, raunchy, putrid motherfucker. You can hardly control yourself as you try to imagine where it’s coming from. Pits, ass, feet, ball sweat, all of the above?- wherever the fuck it’s coming from, it’s intoxicating. You smile in the joy that a little piece of you, even if it was just the dick that you rubbed his hand sweat all over, now smells like a diluted Alex. You struggle as you adjust your growing hard on in proximity to the pheromone bomb that is Alex.

Suddenly, Alex’s phone buzzes. You steal a glance at the sender. It’s Scott.

“Hey man, come to my room, now. We need to fucking talk. I have no idea who he is. Make sure he stays where he is. He doesn’t know I’m here .” Alex stares at his phone, a little perplexed, while you continue to stare at this fine, fine piece of ass in front of you. He gives a quick glance your way, to which you respond with a smile. 

“Hey, uh, make yourself at home, ok? Im sure Scott’s coming back soon. I, uh, I gotta take care of something real quick with our, um, other roommate.” There’s only two bedrooms and he’s a horrible liar, but you still find it a little endearing. “Anyway, it was nice to meet you, maybe we can hang out sometime. Any friend of Scott is a friend of mine!“ he tells you kindly as you swoon. ‘Oh Alex we’re about to be much, much closer than friends. Closer than you can possibly imagine’.

“Hey dude, uh, so Scott’s friend is waiting for you in the living room. Also whatever this is, can it wait? I kinda have to showe-“ Alex cuts himself off as he sees Scott slumped over, tied up to his desk chair with his own dirty clothes in a neat little bow. “What the fuck!?! Scott! are you ok?” Alex rushes over to help his friend.

“So, I gotta say, Scott, you made a great choice sacrificing him to save yourself. Alex is definitely a catch.” You say from the doorway. Alex quickly looks your way in horror as his best friend breaks free from his fake restraints and pulls him into an embrace.

Alex tries to squirm free from Scott’s grip, as you make Scott say the truth to his friend. “He made me choose, between you and me. I chose you.”

“T-This is a joke, right? Scott?” Scott starts to force him into his desk chair. “Cmon man!” Alex pleads, as an emotionless Scott ties him to the desk chair.

“Some best friend” you chuckle, as you stroke Scott’s cheek and wipe away a stray tear -you can feel his revulsion internally- “he sold you out without a second thought”. You start to undress his lower half, starting with his gym shoes. Fuck it was potent. “Don’t worry, I’ll never do that to us.” You peel away his sweat soaked socks and take another whiff. Alex sits in confusion, probably speechless at what had just transpired.

“Let’s make a deal” you say with a chuckle. “I’ll show you a taste of me if you show me a taste of you.” Without waiting for a response, you start by kneeling down sucking on his scummy toes. Sour. Just how you like it. He’s still squirming in his bonds a little. “Step on me,” you say, as you smash your face to his sweaty feet over and over again, simulating him stepping on you. You catch a little movement in his crotch area. ‘Is he enjoying this?’ you ask, as you continue up Alex’s legs. You look back to make sure Scott is still in your control. He stands frozen, emotionless, but with a deep hatred in his eyes, twitching occasionally in his attempt to break free. You make him face Alex and force him to lift the corner of his tank top to give Alex a little tease, while you continue with your little treasure hunt.

You then peel away his compression shorts to reveal your prize. A concentrated bloom of Alex’s pheromones hit you. Ecstasy. You almost pass out on the spot. ‘Holy shit’. You can't control yourself as bury your head and greedily rub your face in his sweaty crotch. Alex is eerily quiet.

Rubbing the medallion, you issue your next command. You’re gonna need to divert a little magic to making this work, so you release some control of Scott as emotion and shouting return to him. It takes a minute or two but you’re able to get your bodies properly primed fro the next stage. You notice Alex shiver from a slight tingle in his body, while Scott continues his barrage of insults your way. “Shut up,” you command. His lips quiver and then shut. “Scottie, come tell Alex what his best friend is gonna do to him.”

Alex again looks at Scott with a pleading face as a twitching, emotionless Scott continues: “Alex, I’m gonna stuff you full of himm- full of my Ma,” you wince. Strong and stubborn as ever, you can’t even get him to call you master. “Man you’re gonna love it. I sold you out to save myself. Didn’t even have to think about it. Just like that.” You’re getting a little better at controlling his movements. “Now I’m gonna be the one to make sure I put all of him inside you” Scott continues, “I-I can’t wait to see him wear you like a s-suit, parading you around, s-swimming in your skin and no one will ever know. I can’t wait to see the new you, w-with a little fag pilot tucked safe inside, pulling on your strings, speaking for you, thinking for you, loving for you” Scott finishes with an unsettling, wide grin that you force him into. 

Emotion and control rush back to Scott’s face. “Alex...” he states in an apologetic tone, but Alex doesn’t even look him in eye. Again, off the corner of your eye, you can’t help but notice a ghost of a smile on his face before it returns to its sullen look.

“Ok, ok, enough you two. Let’s go put on a good show for our best friend Scottie”.

-End Part 1-

[holidaywishes]

Embers XVII

Chapter XVII: if you were me...

  Summary of series: Katie moves from Peachtree, Georgia, to L.A. with her son, Alex to start fresh after the death of her husband. When she meets Evan Buckley, a young firefighter, she falls fast but will her son be so quick to accept Evan into his life?

  Summary of chapter: Bobby connects with Katie in a way he didn’t expect at a weekend Barbeque; Evan continues to try to reassure Katie that he’ll be careful

  Warning: angst, some fluff

  Author’s Note: It’s time to add Bobby’s P.O.V into the mix! Why, you might ask, because I felt like it, that’s why. Also because Evan and Bobby have such a great relationship that it seems like only a matter of time before Katie would grow to be closer to him. This is the second last chapter I think but let me know if I should go more than 18 chapters; if I get enough people interested, I might continue the series! Cheers, Stay Golden! <3

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

xx

Bobby’s P.O.V

  When Evan invited everyone over for a barbeque, you half expected him to ask you to grill everything but was pleasantly surprised when he never did

  “You sure Katie’s okay with this?” You asked

  “It was her idea!” He exclaimed, “she wants it to be like our place, instead of just hers.”

  “Well that’s good,” you smiled, “I just don’t want us to intrude on anything...”

  “Of course not!” He replied, “are you kidding? She loves you guys and she wants to be able to know you all better. Family is important to her and you’re my family...” you placed a hand on his shoulder as his thought trailed off before bringing him in for a hug

  “We’ll be there” you finally said after pulling away from the hug, patting his shoulder with a smile. As the day went on, the team got call after call that were all pretty routine — the proverbial cat stuck in a tree and all that — before dispatch called in a gas leak but when you pulled up, it didn’t look like anything happened, “alright, masks on!”

  “What are we looking at here?” Eddie asked

  “Dispatch said it was a gas leak,” you replied, “don’t know who could’ve made the call but we have to be prepared for anything”

  “Shouldn’t DWP be handling this?” Hen questioned, “I mean if it’s just a gas leak...”

  “We gotta make sure that no one is injured or unconscious. We’re here to help whoever needs help.” Evan was first to head inside but not before you could shout to him, “HEY! BUCK!” You snapped and his head turned back to you, “do not rush inside there like that!”

  “Cap..” he started

  “We don’t know what’s in there, we need to be careful. Just relax...” He stepped back as you lowered your hands and sighed, just as a fire broke out and burst through the roof of the building. You watched as Evan ran to the truck and darted back toward the building before you could stop him, “BUCK!”

  “On it Cap!” He called back as if he thought he would be okay and, as angry as you were, you couldn’t stop him from doing his job. The rest of the team followed close behind, carefully checking the space and calling out for anyone who might respond. Once the building was cleared, you took Evan aside

  “What were you thinking?!” you said sternly

  “What do you mean?” he furrowed his brow

  “I told you not to rush into the building like that!”

  “Cap, I took all the nece--”

  “No!” you interrupted, “you were reckless, again! You should’ve listened to me. I’m your Captain!”

  “Nobody got hurt! I’m fine!” he shouted

  “THAT’S NOT THE POINT!” you yelled back before composing yourself, “you can’t just go risking your life like that anytime you feel like it!”

  “I’m sorry, Cap...” he said softly before you directed him back to the truck

  “I know that you know what you’re doing, Buck, but anything can happen and I don’t want you to get hurt. Not if I can help it...” you admitted

  “I’m sorry” he apologized again, the two of you jumping into the firetruck to head back to the house. Things were still tense but you hoped that the barbeque would soften things up.

xx

Katie’s P.O.V

  “I’m just going to pick up the kid,” Evan laughed as he spoke about Alex, “need anything?”

  “Don’t think so,” you replied, “but don’t be too long. Everyone should be here soon and I don’t know them well enough yet to ‘entertain’ on my own...”

  “I’m sure you’ll do fine,” he said, kissing the crown of your head, “but I’ll be back soon.” You rushed around the house trying to clean everything before the members of the 118 got there for the barbeque that you and Evan had organized; you were starting to get more and more nervous as you felt the seconds tick away. Suddenly, you heard a screeching outside and you ran outside to see what was happening only to find Evan’s car speeding through the street. To say you were angry would be an understatement and you could only stand on the sidewalk with your arms crossed until the car came to a halt

  “Hey, mommy! Did you see us? Did you see us?” Alex exclaimed as he hopped out of Evan’s truck

  “How could I not?” you said between bared teeth, “Alex, sweetie, go get cleaned up and ready for the barbeque. Everyone will be here soon.”

  “Okay!” he said cheerfully while you waited for Evan to meet you on the sidewalk where you stood angrily

  “Hey” he smiled, leaning in for a kiss but you pulled away

  “What the hell was that?!” you yelled

  “He wanted to go fast...”

  “He’s a child!” you continued, “what were you thinking?! You could’ve killed yourselves!”

  “I knew what I was doing!” he shouted

  “You put his life in danger because he asked you to go fast?”

  “I only went sped up when we got onto this street, nowhere else!” he admitted

  “And you think that makes it better?” you argued, “what if a child had crossed the street and you didn’t have enough time to stop? Or a dog? or if another car came toward you?”

  “I--” he faltered

  “You have to be smarter than that!” you shouted, noticing a car pull up down the street, “I don’t want to feel like I can’t trust you with Alex...”

  “Hey!” Bobby and Athena greeted as you attempted to wipe a tear from your eye without them seeing

  “Hey!” you smiled back, “come on in. I’m just gonna grab Alex, Evan can you take them into the backyard?” He nodded in response, following close behind you while still giving you space. You could hear everyone arriving so you sent Alex down to say hello while you composed yourself enough to talk to each of the guests.

  “So how long have you lived here, Katie?” Karen asked

  “Since I moved to L.A., so about 3ish years” you replied, feeling Evan creep up behind you and slide his hand onto your lower back

  “It’s a great place!” she exclaimed

  “Isn’t it?” Evan smiled

  “Yeah, it’s a lot to take care of but we like it” you giggled before looking to see where the kids had gotten to

  “They’re fine” Evan whispered and you just looked at him, feigning a smile as to not show any irritation to your boyfriend

  “I’ll just be right back,” you smiled, “just have to go check on something.” You felt Evan follow you inside, placing a hand on your shoulder to turn you around

  “What’s going on?” he asked quietly

  “I just need a second, Evan!” you yelled softly, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. Who I’m supposed to be for them,” you gestured to the guests in the backyard, “for you, right now.” A sigh escaped your lips before you brought your hand up to your forehead

  “You’re not supposed to be anyone, you’re supposed to be you...” he replied

  “I’m sorry, Evan,” you whispered, bringing your hand down from your forehead to hold his hand, “I just need a minute okay? I’ll be back out in a second.” You leaned up to press a soft kiss on his cheek before heading upstairs to the guest room. You made your way across the room, peering out at the guests mingling below, and opened the window so you could step out; taking a seat on the roof like you’d done so many times at your childhood home in Georgia. It didn’t take long for Evan to notice you and draw Bobby’s attention up to where you sat, your eyes drifting onto the horizon to avoid their stares.

  “Katie?” You heard Bobby’s voice call from behind you, he must have snuck up to the guest room without you noticing

  “Hey, Bobby,” you sighed, “come on out. Sit with me...”

xx

Bobby’s P.O.V

  “Katie?” Evan whispered to himself as he looked toward the roof, “what is she doing?” When you followed his gaze, you saw Katie sitting on the roof staring out at the sky as she brought her knees close to her chest

  “Did something happen?” you asked

  “Sort of... I should go u--”

  “I’ll go.” You interrupted, a smirk growing on your face, “she just looks like she’s thinking.” You made your way through the house, trying to be as quiet as possible as the stairs creaked with each step. You looked at the guest room, took in the bare walls and the neatly made bed and realized no one had ever been in there, “Katie?” you called softly when you finally got to the window

  “Hey, Bobby,” she replied with a small sigh, “come on out. Sit with me...” You stepped onto the roof and sat next to Katie. The two of you sat in silence for a while, staring at the sun that was beginning to set and listening to the laughter below, “they’re so happy, you’re all so close...”

  “Yeah,” you smiled, “we’re lucky. We’re happy to have you in our little family, too.” She looked at you quickly before dropping her eyes

  “I don’t know what I’m doing, Bobby... I don’t know if I’m part of this family yet...”

  “Of course you are” you tried

  “I love him so much, Bobby,” she whimpered, keeping her head down as she spoke, “and Alex loves him and he’s been so great with both of us. I just.. sometimes I listen to his stories about work or I hear about things that have happened through the news or Maddie or whatever and I get so... scared.” When she finally looked up, you saw the small stream of tears falling from her eye

  “Why are you scared?” you asked, allowing her eyes to fall on yours.

  “I don’t want to lose him.” She whispered and, as you sat there with your eyes dancing across her face, you felt a tinge of sadness wash over you; a rush of memories of your daughter, Brook, flooding back as you connected Katie’s face with hers. She was so innocent now, Katie, so fragile in this moment, almost a completely different person than you’d seen on the bridge as she fought for her son. Like Buck, you wanted to protect her but you didn’t know how, “I don’t want Alex to lose him...” she added after you hadn’t said anything

  “You won’t lose him” you said quietly

  “How do you know?” she asked, turning her body toward you just enough so she could face you, “he’s so brash and reckless. He puts himself in danger all the time and, as much as I know he would never voluntarily put us in danger, my fears are still real. The pain in my heart is still there when I turn on the news and see something about a firefighter trapped in a burning building -- thinking that it might be him and he might not come home to us”

  “He’s made some irrational decisions, yes,” you admitted, “but he’s a good kid. And we’ve always got his back”

  “I believe that,” she said, “but what would you do if you were me?”

  “What do you mean?” you furrowed your brow

  “If the person you loved kept making reckless decisions that occasionally got them injured and you knew one day it would all be too much and he wouldn’t come home, the same way the person you married didn’t come home, and you had to sit your son down and tell them that they’d never see them again,” she rambled, “what would you do?”

  “If I had to, I’d do my best”

  “Or would you...” she sighed, “would you cut and run? Knowing that you could save your son the pain of losing another father figure. Or would you stay? Hoping that the love you had for this person would be enough to..” She stopped for a second, as if she just remembered your loss, sighing deeply as she continued, “shit, Bobby. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have s--”

  “No,” you interrupted with a smile, “it’s okay. I think about that, too, sometimes. If Marcy had left me early on, before we had the kids, or when things got... complicated, would things have been different? Would I have been different?”

  “I didn’t mean to...” she hesitated but you just smiled, wrapping your arm around her to comfort her

  “It’s okay,” you chuckled, “look, if you want my opinion on Buck, I can’t give it to you.” You watched Katie’s brow furrow in confusion before she scoffed at you, “I would be too biased. But know this, he loves you. He loves Alex. He’s had a lot of things come up recently that he doesn’t quite know how to deal with but he’s trying. The only way he knows how. Evan’s doing his best but he needs to know that someone will be there for him. Love him as much as he loves them.”

  “I can’t keep letting Alex down, Bobby..” she whispered, “I love Evan. More than I ever thought I could, but I loved Jesse the same way. So intensely, like I couldn’t breathe without him and that ended up horribly.”

  “Your husband was different,” you countered, letting her head drop on your shoulder as you explained your argument, “he couldn’t separate himself from his job. He was a SEAL first and everything else was just background. I don’t doubt that the love he had for you was real or the love that he had for Alex was real, but I can only imagine that being part of that world, the Navy SEAL world, forces you to leave everything behind. Evan isn’t like that.”

  “I know...” she started

  “So don’t compare him to Jesse.” You said finally, tilting your head down just enough for her to look up at you with her eyes, seeing that she understood; you squeezed her shoulder and kissed the top of her head.

  “Can I cut in?” Buck’s voice chimed in from behind and both you and Katie shifted to look at him. You waited for her to allow him to take your place before you got up, patting Evan on the shoulder as you switched spots. You watched them embrace each other gently before Evan tucked Katie into his side

  “I was worried about you” you heard him whisper

  “Now you know how I feel” she joked back as Evan nodded and kissed her forehead

  “Alright, alright,” he smiled, “truce?” She leaned up to kiss him in response and you found yourself smiling at their interaction before a tear escaped your eye. You imagined what Brook might have been like in this situation, how she might have cried to you about some boy she loved. You remembered Marcy and you making up after little fights like this early in your relationship. Your heart stung at the thought of your past life but then May and Harry and Athena popped across your mind and the idea that one day May might come to you for the same reason as Katie filled your heart with love and you began walking out of the room.

  “You okay?” Athena asked, surprising you as you closed the door behind you

  “I’m perfect” you replied, planting a kiss on your wife’s lips

  “Good. Now, you need to learn to stay off roofs” she half-joked and you nodded

  “They’re good kids...” you said, making Athena chuckle

  “Yeah,” she smiled, “they are.” You made your way back outside where the rest of the group was, watching as Evan and Katie watched as the sky turned a dark purple

  “They’re gonna be okay” you thought to yourself, a smile creeping across your face as Katie found you below, mouthing ‘thank you’ and nuzzling closer to Evan.

[benkouji726]

Written for alexweek2020. Sequel to “Settled”, but can also be read as one-off. ...I think.

Anyways, “Settled” is based on meet ugly prompt 2: I bought a house three months ago but I’m finally moving in and discover you’ve been squatting because you’re homeless.

Spoiler alert: they ended up living together! And none of them are aliens! Jesse died in the previous work, so all is well...ish.

Home can be a person

They’d been living together for a month now, and Alex still knew nothing about Michael Guerin.

OK that wasn’t entirely true. He knew plenty. Because one, he was a military man, his livelihood depended on his observation skills. And two, their schedules somehow synced perfectly, and after a week of awkwardly bumping each other in the kitchen and waiting turns to use the bathroom, it was simply easier if they just worked out a systematic plan to build their lives around each other, which led to divided chores, respected bathroom routines and shared meals. And when two men spent that much time together, they had no choice but to have conversations, which were really not that hard, because they clicked like magnets and they actually enjoyed spending time together.

So Alex knew plenty. Both from his observations and their conversations. But it was not like Guerin volunteered personal informations, and even he did, it was always surface stuff, so it didn’t really count. Like he knew Guerin was a mechanic, who was really good at his job. So good that he even opened his own auto shop the second year into the business. And based on what Alex saw, money was not exactly an issue for him. Which frankly didn’t match up with his squatting life style, not to mention he owned a perfectly functional airstream, but that topic was always brushed aside.

Alex also knew Guerin had two siblings, who moved away a year ago. They were both married, and apparently lived nearly enough that they did a weekly get together. Guerin would join them via FaceTime, they would laugh and talk, and Guerin seemed so happy when they did this, which did not explain why he was always a little sad when they were done. But again, not to be talked about.

Sometimes Alex would be impressed by Guerin’s topic changing skills. Granted, his go-to move was more often than not flirtation, but it worked like a charm on Alex, so whatever got the job done, right? And rationally, Alex knew he should be grateful, because Guerin was a surprisingly pleasant roommate. He was good company, he wasn’t nosy, he did VERY good repair work around the house, his cooking skills were better than Alex’s, and he slowly became the reason why Alex was looking forward to going back home after a day’s work. And truth be told, Alex wasn’t exactly an open book himself, so he should just respect Guerin’s boundaries and enjoy their easygoing companionship.

But he just couldn’t.

34 days into their co-living arrangement, Guerin came home, visibly upset. It was Alex’s day to make dinner. So he ignored Guerin at first to finish the lasagna. But when he was putting together a cob salad, he heard Guerin throw his tool box on to the floor, and caused a loud clang.

Guerin NEVER threw his tool box.

“What’s got into you today?” OK that was a little harsh. But in his defense, Alex was kind of tired of asking “are you ok” at that point, because he always got a “just dandy” and a too-big-to-be-genuine smile in reply.

Guerin shut down immediately, threw on a well-practiced smirk, and said: “Nothing. Unless you are up for the job?”

And just like that, Alex snapped.

He got up, got his keys, and left the house.

It was when he sat in his car, had no idea where he’d go, he realized that he didn’t even bring his wallet and phone, which was just stupid.

The whole thing was stupid.

He knew he had no right to feel angry and hurt. They didn’t have that kind of relationship. Guerin didn’t owe him anything.

But he had felt their connection the first time they’d met, and it was there ever since. He thought Guerin felt it too.

Apparently he was wrong.

He came back two hours later, because he needed that time to work out an apology and also to learn not to be this naive again. When he got home, Guerin was sitting at the kitchen table, seemingly lost in his thoughts, lasagna in front of him, cold and forgotten.

“Hey, I’m sorry about earlier, it was really none of my busi...” He began but was cut by Guerin mid-sentence.

“I didn’t eat”.

“...OK? Were u not hungry or was the lasagna that bad?”

Guerin looked up at him then. His eyes big, voice raw.

“I didn’t eat because it felt wrong.”

He looked back down at the lasagna.

“After you left, I was angry at first. Because fuck you, you know? I don’t owe you anything.”

“Yes, Guerin, I know, I was trying to apologize...”

Guerin continued as if not heard him at all.

“And then I got up to help me some food, man’s gotta eat, and frankly, lasagna is like, the only food you can make right. So I got myself a plate, and I sat down. Normally at that point, you would begin to nag me about eating some salad or drinking some water first, but then I looked up, and you were just, not there.”

He looked up again. All open and bare.

“So yeah, maybe it was not your business, but it was also wrong of me to assume I didn’t want it to be.”

They stared at each other. Both at lost what to say next. Eventually, Alex sat across the table, reached out, and squeezed Guerin’s hand.

“You reheat the lasagna, I’ll finish making the salad. And we’ll eat. OK? I’m starving.”

“Yeah, you didn’t even bring your wallet. I mean, dramatic much?”

“Shut up, Guerin.”

They didn’t talk about why Guerin was upset that night, but it was OK.

—————————

Things got better after that. They talked now, not just making conversation. Alex learned that Guerin had been in the system for a long time. His siblings, Max and Isobel, were actually not related to him. They had been just best friends in group homes, until they were adopted by the Evans, while Guerin went through many terrible foster families. They were united at the age of 15, when Guerin’s new foster home brought him to Roswell, and they had been inseparable ever since.

“That was, until Max decided to marry someone in LA, and moved there. And then Isobel’s husband also got a job in LA, they moved soon after. So it was just the same old me, again.”

They were at the fire pit in front of Guerin’s airstream, which he still wasn’t using, except sometimes he would go in there and do God knows what, they still didn’t reach the subject why he had been squatting yet. Alex suspected it had something to do with his issues with his siblings moving away, like the bitterness in his voice now had.

“Well, you’re literally sitting next to me now, so not exactly the same, you know?”

Guerin startled, and looked over at Alex with something like hope mixed with fear in his eyes. Alex stared right back, because at this point, he really wasn’t interested in pretending that they didn’t mean something to each other. And he hoped Guerin would drop the “I’m a lone wolf and I don’t care” act too, at least when he was with him.

Whatever Guerin saw on his face, seemed to satisfy him. He smiled, the kind of smile that reached his heart and soul, and said,

“You trying to hold my hand now, private?”

And they did.

—————————

Alex woke up in screaming. Next thing he knew, he was in Guerin’s arms.

He didn’t remember the dream. But he could easily guess the content. It was always the same. Bomb, blood, cries, he looked down, his leg was gone. Sometimes his father was there, sometimes he wasn’t. Either way, he felt his presence.

Normally, after he woke up from such a dream, he would do some breath exercise, get up, get some water, and didn’t even try to sleep again. But tonight, Guerin was right there, humming something like a lullaby, and rubbing soothing circles on his back. He didn’t say anything, or ask how he was doing, just held him and gently rocked him.

At some point, maybe ten minutes, maybe an hour later, they lied down, together on Alex’s bed. Guerin’s hand slowly reached down, until he touched his stump. He rubbed it once, twice, and then he just stayed there.

Alex fell sleep.

——————————

Friday movie nights became some sort of tradition between them. They would finish their work, meet at the house, grab something to eat, and then drive to the drive-in theatre. Alex liked those nights, hell, he cherished those nights.

So he was very irritated when some shitty client just didn’t know what it meant to demand something WITHIN REASON, and he had to cancel their movie night via a short text. He was even more irritated when said client walked out in the last minute, so his previous work was totally wasted. Plus his new prosthetic was giving him trouble all day. Safe to say he was not in the greatest mood.

When he got home though, he was met by Guerin’s soft smile and homemade dinner. By the time they finished eating, he felt more or less like human again. Then Guerin gave him a dessert, told him to rest a bit on the sofa, and disappeared in the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, he pulled Alex into the bathroom, where he already drew a bath for Alex.

He even lit some candles.

All of a sudden, Alex wanted to cry, except he hadn’t cried in ten years.

So he let out a shaky breath, buried himself in Guerin’s arms, and asked a stupid question.

“Why did you do all this?”

Guerin held him, shifted somewhat awkwardly, and said in a quiet voice.

“You spelled ‘bail’ wrong.”

Of all the answers, THAT was not what Alex expected.

“What?”

“Your text. I guess you meant to say you had to bail on our movie night. But you spelled it ‘ball’. Auto correct or something. And you never spelled wrong. So I figured, you must be exhausted.”

At that, Alex just HAD to kiss him.

—————————

They visited Greg together on a Saturday morning.

At the drive home, Alex was awfully quiet.

Michael didn’t ask. He made coffee. He fetched a blanket. He sat beside Alex on the sofa, and began to read his monthly mechanic magazine.

Alex talked before he decided he wanted to.

“My father was a piece of shit. And out of my three brothers, Greg is the only decent one. But when we were kids, he didn’t know how to protect me or stand up for me, when my father beat the shit out of me.”

Michael dropped his magazine, and silently held his hand. And Alex decided he wanted to keep talking.

“I wanted to make music. He sent me to war. Frankly, war wasn’t even a worse choice than my so called home. It just wasn’t a better choice either.”

“I never felt I belong anywhere, not at home. Not at war. I bought the house because Greg asked me to, because he was the only one who reminded me a shred of the ‘home’ concept. But today, seeing him with his family, I realized, he is my family, but he is not home.”

“I still don’t belong.”

He hadn’t cried for ten years. He didn’t want to begin now.

Expect the hands wiping his tears were so gentle, he couldn’t seem to stop.

“I was offered a great job opportunity in New York, when I finished my study at UNM. But four years apart from Max and Isobel were tough enough that I decided to ditch that and move back.”

“I never felt I belonged, too, what with the fucked up system and shitty foster homes, except when I was with them. So I clung to them, a little bit desperately. When they moved away, I felt betrayed, left out and abandoned. I didn’t want to live in my airstream anymore because it felt like a fantasy I built, just to fool myself into thinking I could have followed them anywhere in it, because they were my harbor. But then they were gone, so I decided I wasn’t supposed to settle in anywhere, and that’s when I began to squat in people’s not lived in houses. Because they are just like me, you know, abandoned.”

“Until you invited me to live with you.”

They held each other a long time after that.

—————————

The email came on a Wednesday morning, and Michael was on the plane that very night to LA, because Liz was going into labor and Michael would become an uncle.

He asked Alex to come with him, but he was caught up at work so he just couldn’t make it.

They called each other every day though, Michael showed him so many baby pictures he even dreamed about it one night. He was vibrating joyful energy and Alex was happy for him.

Then on the fourth night since he was gone, he called Alex, hesitation evident in his voice.

“Liz pulled some strings at her university. And they offered me a job here.” He said, without so much as a hello.

Alex felt the world shook for a moment. Then he blinked, and the house seemed the same, intact, but somehow much quieter, and larger.

“I’m happy for you.”

An exhale.

“You are happy for me.” Michael repeated, slowly.

Alex shut his eyes. He thought of all the times Michael looked at the photos of the three of them, and all the times he seemed to be lost after he ended their phone calls, and he opened his eyes again.

“They are your family.” He said simply.

Another exhale.

“Yeah, they are.”

Silence.

After three minutes of nothing else, Alex hung up.

——————————

Michael came back on Tuesday afternoon.

Alex had not been sleeping well, or eating properly, so at first he thought he might be dreaming or something.

But there he was, clearly not been sleeping well, or eating properly himself, eyes glaring with fond anger.

“You are a dumbass, you know? You’re just gonna give me up like that?”

Alex refused to back down.

“It’s not giving up. You always wanted a family, a home. I don’t wanna stand between you and your opportunity of that.”

Michael shook his head, sighed, and pulled Alex into his arms.

“You still don’t understand, do you? They are my family, true. But YOU are my home.”

And there, stood in his embrace, Alex finally understood.

[trulisthetic]

Note to Self (to read when I’m down)

So, which is it gonna be, self? Ugh, damn it, I always love the episodes and all this negativity online ruins them for me 😅😅😅 Gotta work on being so easily affected!

Anyhow, now that this half season has officially ended, I decided to white this ‘little’ positive note to myself to cheer me up. If you want to read it too, you’re more than welcome!

Warning: This is just what I would personally want somebody that could read my mind to tell me, you might not agree with some things I say and that’s totally fine. Peace.

Okay, self.

So you cope with the Jaggie situation just fine on normal days, that’s a fact right? You absolutely hate it, of course you do. Who ruins Japril for a couple with zero chemistry who popped up out of nowhere? Who turns Maggie into a black version of April simply so she can match Jackson when she was such a strong, brilliant character before? Of course you cannon believe this is actually happening to you favorite couple, the ones who helped you pull through your favorite person’s passing last year, your big exams, your parents’ stupid fights. They were your home, and now they’re getting ruined and you are incredibly mad and sad and devastated over that. But they still remain your OTP, they are still very much alive in your heart and your mind in the fanfiction world, and sometimes that’s just enough for you. Sometimes it’s not, and you wish with all that you have in you that this is just a phase and they will eventually fall back together after they take some time to miss and appreciate each other. But in general, you are copying. You have accepted that Jaggie is happening. You wish it would just happen already and yet you get goosebumps at the single thought of them kissing, but you have learned to live with it.

So why is it that you get depressed every Friday?

You watch the episodes. And the awesome thing is that even though last year you were so boooooooored because there were almost no Japril scenes and the show without them was just MEH, this year you find yourself squealing in excitement at the single sight of the Seattle shots at the beginning. Does that mean you are falling back in love with Grey’s Anatomy as a whole? Probably. It’s taken a 180 degree turn from last year to your eyes, and it’s somehow exciting again. You’re not just watching for Japril anymore, admit it. Because there is not Japril, and still here you are. You laugh out loud with the new interns, you live for those hilarious lines of Bailey’s, you really loved what they did with the Nathan/Megan storyline and you actually teared up at that last scene with the beach and the sunset. You come to like Meredith again -remember those times she was your favorite character back in the early seasons and you only breathed for MerDer? It’s a nostalgic feeling that comes over you when you think about how different your life was back then when you began watching. But back to the point, the show is so interesting to you again and that thrills you to no end. You had to pause the episode for five whole minutes to calm your breathing when Jo’s husband popped up a mere hour ago! You freaking love season 14 girl. Stop denying because you’re probably the only one. And don’t feel guilty for it, for god’s sake.

Then again, you get what everyone has been saying about April not having a stoyline, which is really sad come think of it. And Sarah Drew is such a precious human and such an incredible actress and she is REAL and she deserves better than to play a side-character. Yet she seems pretty happy at all those selfies and it looks like she’s having a blast with Kelly, but for sure that might as well be just for show. You don’t know what’s going on behind the camera’s, only they do. What you know, however, is that she clearly loves acting and feels blessed for being on Grey’s Anatomy, so who are you to decide if she should move on or not? She is a strong woman, more than perfectly capable to make that decision for herself, and you know that she could book herself a hundred movies in a split second with that talent and dedication of hers. If she feels like she is being wasted, wouldn’t she pack her things and go? And yet there she goes in every opportunity given, expressing how grateful she is for being part of something as big as Grey’s, how she loves the show and the people she works with and how she feels so lucky that she is able to provide for her family doing something that she loves. Why would she fake that, Truli? Of all the interview for the 300th, how many actors showed such genuine gratitude? She is happy working on Grey’s. And that secretly gives you such relief it almost hurts, because it means April is here to stay, and you couldn’t be happier about that.

Still, would you want April to have more scenes? DAMN RIGHT YOU WOULD. You miss your girl so much, you miss her being in things, having a story of her own. But then again that’s how you feel every season. No matter how much screen time she gets, it’s obviously never enough cause you only get one episode a week and barely two minutes of April! However, the truth is that the few scenes she has gotten so far this season you have found brilliant. Starting at the only Japril scene of the season, you were amazed by how much she has truly grown, how well she handled the situation with maturity and openness and honesty. You are so proud of your girl. And then she has been interacting with so many people this season, including Owen and Arizona and Alex and Meredith and Maggie and Bailey and Richard and Amelia and the interns and that just makes you so happy because for so long she seemed like she had no people to turn to, while now she has a whole village. And that cafeteria scene at the Amelia/tumor episode was you undoing, just like good old times! Then when she was shot -Holy crap! She had dodged it for eight seasons! :P And when she prayed for Amelia even though they weren’t that close, and then thanked God, with her baby girl in her arms. Ugh, the feels! So April <3 And then that flash-mob mention... how she stammered “that’s not the point” was just plain B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T. Oh, and this last episode you know she got all the good stuff. That “awkwaaaard” line was so well delivered you were laughing for an hour, and the “Stone age” and newspaper parts just killed you. And despite many, you loved how she took a couple of episodes to adjust to the new normal back when she first moved out, to find her way again, to be a bit sad. It was so April. And for fuck’s sake, being emotional doesn’t make you weak. On the contrary, it makes you freaking human. Being able to experience emotions strongly is not a flaw, it’s a gift. It shows mental maturity, and if anything overcoming stuff is making the person go through an entire emotional roller coaster, which in the long run helps them grow and makes them come out stronger and wiser. Let people have emotions.

But you also wish your boy had more screen time, with scenes you could actually watch. Because now most of them are with Maggie, who you can’t say you ever really liked but you just can’t stand her now, and you know that’s not fair to the character but it was inevitable. And you try. You try not to hate on her, you try to be nice because that’s what you were taught. To only spread love, not hate, to see the positive side of things. You credit your grandma for that, too. But man, it’s so damn harddd! And you sure as hell love Kelly and you feel so sorry and mad that they did this to her and her character, because she deserves better than to be hated by en entire fandom. Nobody deserves that, nobody. Remember back when April had a crush on Derek and EVERY SINGLE MERDER FAN hated on Sarah with all their might? How does that make you feel? Hm. Infuriated, mostly. With a very strong urge to run up to your girl and hide her in your arms and protect her from this cruel fandom who thinks it’s okay to hate on real, actual people with real, actual feelings just because someone decided the fictional character they get paid to portray should have a little, fictional crush on another fictional character. That is not okay. And it makes you wonder what kind of shallow, superficial and immature people still go on with it.

Jackson is also getting a lot of hate, and you absolutely hate that. Because despite many other’s that are absolutely in love with April like you are, you are just as absolutely in love with Jackson as well. You have two favorite characters. Jackson and April. Those names are linked together, and you can’t imagine one of them without the other. And just like you hated when April got all that hate back in 12a, you hate how Jackson is getting it now. Do you think he’s different? Yes. He’s definitely less warm and emotional than he used to be. And he’s acting a bit recklessly and immaturely lately, spending money, making rushed decisions... Do you think that makes him an asshole? No. No, you don’t. Because you recognize people have flaws, you recognize people have their moments of immaturity and that they sometimes make mistakes. That only makes them h u m a n. And this short of stuff happen in real life. Sometimes we look at someone and can’t recognize them. It sure has happened to me a couple of times, and I have been the unrecognizable one a couple of others. It’s just how life is sometimes. But Jackson, truly, has done nothing wrong. Not being with April doesn’t make him an asshole. Being with April and thinking about someone else does, and not once has he come close to doing that. He made his stance clear from day one, he didn’t stop April from moving out because he felt like they could never work, or because the idea of Maggie was planted to his head, or for whatever other reason. That doesn’t make him an asshole, not to your eyes at least. That simply makes him honest when it comes to his intentions, and it protected April from getting further hurt as well. Hating his grandpa doesn’t make him an asshole to you, the man was unbelievable! He viewed him as a five-year-old child, ignored his authority, disrespected his choices for his own life and career, compared him to his father -which he KNEW was a soft spot for him and his worst ever nightmare- and was overall an absolute asshole. You hated him too, more than words can express, and you cried in joy when he complained himself to death, don’t deny it!

And also, being interested in someone new, as much as you despise it, doesn’t make Jackson an asshole to you. He is single. April is single. April is obviously already back on tinder and “so ready to be dating”, and you don’t see how Jackson is faulted for wanting the same thing. If anything, you wanted him to start something knew, just for the sake of realizing how there was nobody that could make him feel the way April did, that affected him and made him a better person like she used to. On the other hand the last thing you wanted was for him to be in a relationship with someone he looked good with, so the lack of chemistry between Jesse and Kelly is a gift from heaven to your eyes. Do you like the fact that they’re step-siblings? No, you fucking hate it. Do you think it’s a deal breaker. Ugh, that’s another no. First of all because they didn’t grow up as siblings, and have only gotten relatively closer since her mom died a few months ago. You could have seen them as siblings, but that bond was never really explored -whereas even though Owen and April are not related, their relationship was evolved in such a sibling-like way through the years that you practically view him as her older brother. And besides, you’d be a fucking hypocrite if you said that the fact that their parents got married is a deal breaker for you, since you know that that fact didn’t stop you from having as your first ever OTP a pair of 17-year-old step-siblings (who actually lived under the same roof for at least three years) and you almost cheered yourself to death when they got married at the end of the series. Yes, you know I’m talking about the Greek comic series “Ευτυχισμένοι Μαζί” (Eytyxismenoi Mazi/Together Forever) you freaking dumbass, don’t play innocent on me. You loved that show growing up, and you loved Markos and Eva together, step-siblings aside. And you found their parents’ reactions when they found out absolutely hilarious. You will not find Catherine and Richard’s reactions hilarious, however, no matter which they are, since you don’t find the entire storyline okay at all. Still, you are hoping with all that you have in you that the embarrassingly obvious luck of chemistry between the actors, along with the fact that practically every Grey’s Anatomy fan not only doesn’t ship them but hates them together, will result in the eventual dropping of this ridiculous storyline, which would NEVER have happened, by the way, after what happened in Montana. If Montana had never happened you might be better at believing it, but after Montana you just find it plain ridiculous.

Overall, you don’t think Jackson is an asshole. He is your boy. He is your baby. you love him more than words can say. And so if he wants to try and buy himself happiness, you are happy to watch him. You’d buy all shorts of useless crap if you had money too, and a yacht... man, hell yes! Although the first thing you’d do is buy a farm, we all know that. And if he wants to explore his options in the romantic department, why the hell not? It kills you inside, of course it fucking does! , but he is not with April, he is trying to move on and be happy, and if your baby finds that again, you will be happy too. All you want them is to be together, but if they can both be happy apart, then you can live with that. You can live with them cherishing their time together and simply being friends raising a baby -if we ever get to see a scene with them again. Grrr!- as long as they are happy. After all, you have your perfect version of Japril all shaped in your head where they got back together after Montana and are living happily ever after, in a house with hardwood floors, a washing machine and one of those milk-frothier things, with their little miracle of a beautiful daughter and a puppy. Because, come on, what’s a family without a dog?

You hate the canon Japril/Jaggie storyline right now. You hate it, yet you have learned to accept it. Or rather, to ignore it’s happening. You watch the episodes and really enjoy them, and then when a Jaggie scene happens you just watch it as an average viewer and roll your eyes and even chuckle at how somebody ever believed they could pass this as something actually ship-able. You laugh. You roll your eyes. You cope.

And then you go online, and you fall apart. You watch all these posts and rambles about how horrible the show is and how everyone is to be hated, and how the actors and us the loyal Japril shippers deserve better (which is the one part you partly agree with), and all these do is depress you and make feel guilty, guilty! , for falling back in love with the show that has been your home even since you were thirteen. And why should you feel like that, Truli? Nobody is asking you to apologize for liking the show. Nobody. But even if they were, why the fuck would you even pay attention to them? You don’t have to apologize for still liking the show, as everyone else doesn’t have to apologize for not liking it, and it’s terribly wrong of you to blame them if reading about it makes you feel bad.

People have the right to have their own opinions. People have the right to express them. If someone hates the show, they are free to say it out loud. And if someone loves it, they are free to express that too. Nobody has to apologize to anyone about the way they see things. But we all have to respect that our opinions might differ. That we are individuals with different characters, different upbringings, different beliefs, we are different people that have different views and nothing in the world will change that or ever should.

So I see two options for you, Truli. One is you can just give up on tumblr. If it’s screwing you up, if it keeps making you depressed, it’s not worth it, girl. You can’t ruin your life and your happiness over some fictional show. It’s not even that important. You know what’s important? Whether you will pass your driving exams this Monday. Whether your parents will make up or get a divorce instead. Whether you will study again to try to get into vet school or become a community doctor instead. Whether you will get your dog fixed or breed her. When you’re going to have another sleepover with you cousins. If you’re going to get that rabbit you want or not. Those are the important things you should be worrying about, not the storyline of a fictional show you can’t control anyway. And since you can recognize all that by simply watching the show but forget all about them the second you visit tumblr, maybe you should just give up on it and only deal with the show once a week when new episodes come out and whenever you feel like writing a fanfic about Japril.

The other option I see for you is that you grow the fuck up and realize the majority of the fandom feels only horrible about what is happening and won’t stop or should stop expressing it. You can accept that and learn how to not let it affect you. It can be easy if you just freaking try instead of complain about how negative everything is to yourself all the time. You can make an effort. You can do it, if only you try.

So, which is it gonna be, self? If you chose to go with the first option, that’s fine. It’s the healthier one, if anything. If you chose to go with the second one, that’s also fine - it requires some extra self-control but I think you can pull it off, and it will make you happier in the long run.

This is a choice you will have to make every time you get put down. Every time you feel like quitting the show and Japril, because you know that this isn’t what you really want. Every time you lose hope. Every time those happen you will come back to this post and read it -the WHOLE THING, no cheating, smartass- and you will be called to make this decision again.

And every time you choose to stay, is a time you will come out of this stronger.

[boku-no-family]

2000 Followers Event Prompts

Please send me either of the following

→ Letter + Prompt Number + Character [e.g. B + 3 + Shouto]

→ Prompt + Character [e.g.  „I heard you crying loud.“ – „You’ve been thinking about ditching me.“ + Bakugou]

The character limit is one, I’m going to make it a reader insert. I’m trying to keep it gender neutral if you want a female or a male reader please add it to your ask. I’m willing to write for ships as well, you only need to tell me. I assume you guys all read my rules ;) but I’m still not writing for the teachers. 

Enjoy ✨

Lots of love❤ Lin

P.s.: If you’ve got any questions ask me anytime!😊

A

„You ain’t no lady but you’ve sure got taste in men.“ – „But I’ve been told by friends of mine you’re someone I can trust.“ (AC/DC - Carry Me Home)

„You say you want the truth, but you can’t take it. So I give you lies.“ – „I won’t apologize to you anymore. Cause I’m a grown-ass man.“ (Adam Lambert – There I Said it)

„Everybody loves the things you do. From the way you talk to the way you move“ - „My God, this reminds me. Of when we were young.“  (Adele – When we Were Young)

„I don’t want to hurt you but I need to breathe!“ -  „At the end of it all, you’re still my best friend.“  (Alex Clare – Too Close)

„I’m getting sick of your bullshit attitude.“ – „Do you want me. Or do you want me dead?“ (All Time Low – Do You Want Me (Dead)?)

„Tell me how am I supposed to breathe. When losing you is choking me?“ – „I still remember that empty look left on your face.“ (The All-American Rejects – Heartbeat Slowing Down)

„I’m so into you, I can barely breathe.“ – „A little bit dangerous, but, baby, that’s how I want it.“ (Ariana Grande – Into You)

„I want to show you who I really am.“ – „I wanna get to know you, talk all night.“ (Aura Dione – Masterpiece)

B

„Add on that I’m a coward. Too scared to return your calls.“ – „Despite how silly it sounds. You’re bigger. Than me.“ (Backstreet Boys – Bigger)

„And you said you always had my back.“ – „I don’t wanna hear you talk about it anymore.“ (Bastille – Bad Blood)

„Who the fuck do you think I am?“ – „And keep your money, I’ve got my own.“ (Beyoncé – Don’t Hurt Yourself)

„I really want you to really want me, but I really don’t know if you can do that.“ – „And you’re listening to the sound of my breaking heart.“ – (James Blunt – I Really Want You)

„For the love of god, will you bite your tongue.“ – „I think it’s time you knew the truth.“ – (Bring Me The Horizon – Go To Hell, For Heaven’s Sake.)

„Don’t believe me just watch.“ – „Gotta kiss myself I’m so pretty.“ (Bruno Mars – Uptown Funk)

„Don’t try and heal me when I’m broken.“ – „This might be hard to hear.“ (Bullet For My Valentine – Broken)

C

„It’s way too soon, I know this isn’t love.“ – „But I need to tell you something.“ (Carly Rae Jepsen – Really Like You)

„I only got 10 likes in the last 5 minutes.“ – „Let me take another selfie.“ (The Chainsmokers - #Selfie)

„Don’t you ever say I just walked away.“ – „I will always want you.“ (Miley Cyrus – Wrecking Ball)

D

„There are so many things that I don’t understand.“ – „I’ve been, for sometime, looking for someone.“ (Daft Punk  - Within)

„Leave him alone, let him go!“ – „Only you can stop the pain.“ (David Guetta – Used To Be The One)

„Can’t you act your age“ - „It’s not my fault you’ll never be happy.“ (A Day To Remember – Best Of Me)

„And all that I want is forgiveness one more time.“ – „To be the best in the world.“ (Disturbed – Just Stop)

E

„Maybe you could swing by my room around 10:00.“ – „Don’t fuck with my love.“ (Ed Sheeran – Don’t)

„You shoot me once, you shoot me twice.“ – „Let me show you what I’m talking about.“ (Enrique Iglesias)

„I’m on my own.“ – „I think I’m falling and there’s no return.“ (Enter Shikari – One True Colour)

F

„I’m just a notch in your bedpost.“ – „I’ve been dying to tell you anything you want to hear.“ (Fall Out Boy – We’re Going Down)

“Everyone knows I'm in over my head,  with eight seconds left in overtime” –  “She's on your mind" (The Fray – Over my Head (Cable Car)) 

G

„All that I remember is that you had me at hello.“ – „What happened? Did it happen? Last night.“ (Good Charlotte – Last Night)

„I heard you crying loud.“ – „You’ve been thinking about ditching me.“ (Green Day – When I come around)

H

„Baby just don’t close your heart.“ – „It’s all going wrong.“ (HIM – Don’t close your Heart)

I

Come with me and we will run away.“ – „I am all you adore, lately.“ (Imagine Dragons – Hear Me)

J

„If you don’t want me to leave then don’t push me away.“ – „I’m gonna stay.“ (James Morrison – Dont Wanna Love Me)

„How much I adore those pretty eyes of yours.“ – „Can you love me for a lifetime or just one night.“ (Jennifer Lopez – Baby I Love You)

„I’m gonna be good so tell me that you’re gonna be good too.“ – „I’m gonna treat you right.“ (Jonas Brothers – BB Good)

„'Cause I’m missing more than just your body.“ – „I know you know that I made those mistakes maybe once or twice.“ (Justin Bieber – Sorry)

„Beautiful smile with those sad eyes.“ – „I don’t know why you’d leave me alone.“ (Justin Timberlake – Amnesia)

“ Damn you hold me just how I like it” –  “ I never thought that I would see you again” (Jessie J  –  Real Deal)

K

„You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal.“ – „You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal.“ (Katy Perry – Ur So Gay)

„Never thought that you would be the one.“ – „Maybe you shouldn’t Kiss ‘n’ tell.“ (Ke$ha – Kiss N Tell)

L

„I just want you alone“ - „It wasn’t love, it wasn’t love.“ (Lady Gaga – Perfect Illusion)

„You say that you are proud of me.“ – „You’re not the one that you pretend to be.“ (Linkin Park – Pretend To Be)

„Forget that boy, I’m over it.“ – „Guess I should say thank you.“ (Little Mix – Shout Out To My Ex)

M

When I’m without you. I’m so insecure.“ – „Don’t let nobody touch it. Unless that somebody’s me.“ (Maroon 5 – Sugar)

„I have the loves of many men. But I don’t love any of them.“  - „Why do you cheat on me?“ (Metallica – Cheat On Me)

„I got a bulletproof heart.“ – „Let me be the one to save you.“ (My Chemical Romance – Bulletproof Heart)

N

„And my heart feels a fool.“ – „Can’t stop thinking of you, cause I’m so jealous, baby.“ ( New Kids on the Block – Jealous)

“What do I see in you?” – “Maybe I'm addicted to all the things you do” (Nicki Minaj – Grand Piano)   

“Pills n potions were overdosing” – “I'm angry but I still love you” (Nicki Minaj – Pills and Potions) 

O

„I can only be myself.“ – „I’ll never forget you.“ (Olly Murs – Tryna change me)

„But you confuse me.“ – „I said babe do you want to take it fast or slow?.“(OneRepublic – The Less I Know)

P

„Do I look lonely?“ – „Am I the best you’ve ever had?“ (Panic! At The Disco – Death of a Bachelor)

„Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back.“ – „I cannot take any more.“ (P!nk – Stupid Girls)

„I know you like me.“ – „Let’s keep it friendly.“ (The Pussycat Dolls – Don’t Cha)

„Hate is a strong word.“ – „Thought you thought that I was worth it.“ (Plain White T’s –Hate Really Don’t Like You)

Q

„The Show must go on.“ – „Inside my heart is breaking.“ (Queen – The Show Must Go On)

R

„I forgot your birthday.“ – „I’m a mess.“ (The Rasmus – I’m A Mess)

„But we haven’t kissed for four days.“ – „If we go down, we’re going down together.“ (Robin Schulz – Titanic)

„I’m no good without you.“ – „Just love me.“ (Rihanna – Love On The Brain)

„Why are you not afraid?“ – „I have learned to stand up and just to walk away.“ (Rise Against – Beautiful Indifference)

„Come in and close the door.“ – „But now you know me so you know that I’d be lying.“ (Robbie Williams – Motherfucker)

S

„You say I’m crazy.“ – „I know I’m not the only one.“ (Sam Smith – Not The Only One)

„Why do you say things. If you do not mean them.“ – „And now I can’t sleep.“ (Shakira – Cut Me Deep)

„I’m talking to myself.“ – „Forgot what I just said.“ (Sum 41 – All Messed Up)

T

„You look like my next mistake.“ – „'Cause, darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.“ (Taylor Swift – Blank Space)

„I never sleep.“ – „I wish I knew what it was like.“ (Three Days Grace – I Am Machine)

„I am not as fine as I seem, pardon.“ – „The game is not played alone.“ (Twenty One Pilots – Migraine)

U

„I swear to tell the truth.“ – „But I guess my love wasn’t good enough.“ (Usher – Guilty)

V

„Did you say the thing you wanted?“ – „Have you ever felt in love?“ (Volbeat – Goodbye Forever)

W

„You’re only looking for attention.“ – „What do you expect now?“ (The Weeknd – Attention)

„Listen to Iron Maiden maybe with me?“ – „And he doesn’t give a damn about me.“ (Wheatus – Teenage Dirtbag)

Z

„I’d love to wake up next to you.“ – „So we’ll piss off the neighbors.“ (Zayn Malik – Pillowtalk)

“I know that we were made to break” –   “So what? I don't mind” (Zedd  –  Stay the Night) 

[everythingislegalinsantafe]

Ups & Downs (Part 2)

a/n: i was gonna finish this tomorrow but i said fuck it and wrote it all tonight! there will be a next part so u dont have to worry ;) also if u wanna be tagged just tell me

tags: @bethbat @professionalfangirl3000 @imreallyfredweasley @onelastfic @coramoon025 @daddysprettypagan​ @im-fandom-trash @hello-fanfiction-goodbye-grades @desperatepenguin722​ @justcallmecinammon

word count: 3,502 words (jfc)

PART ONE! PART TWO PART THREE

Your life has been great ever since you got fired. Which was an odd sentence to say but still very true.

After you got fired that day, you immediately vented your feelings out by writing them all down. This is what you went to college for after all, you were a major literature and writing. And writing always made you feel better.

After a couple hours later and a lot of typing, you got an email. You saved your document and leaned back to stretch. As you went to open the email, you recognized the address as Mr. Hamilton’s.

Dear (Y/N),

I know this may seem unprofessional but with the current circumstances of your job I do believe this is appropriate and necessary. I am truly sorry about what happened in the office and Miss Maria Reynolds told me the reasons why Laf and Jefferson had let you go, which is quite preposterous.

You raised your eyebrows. You didn’t know Mr. Hamilton and Maria were close.

I am very good friends with Lafayette and it seems very unlike him to fire someone without any good reason. And although Jefferson and I do not get along, even he isn’t that big of an asshole to do something like this, excuse my language.

You giggled at this.

The reason why I emailed you was because you are truly an amazing person, not just as a secretary, and I am checking to see if you are alright. I enjoyed the talks we had in my office and I will deeply miss them. I hope to receive a reply soon!

Sincerely,

Alexander Hamilton

You smiled sadly as this. Sometimes you would get in trouble because you and Mr. Hamilton would stay in his office and just talk about the most random things. Although most of the time, it was just one of you ranting about something to the other, but you are still going to miss that and him.

You were about to simply type back a “Thank you, I am fine” but instead you opened up your document you were working on and copied and pasted it to send it to him. You added a little note at the bottom thanking him for his concern and saying that you also will miss him.

With that you shut your laptop, the events of the day finally catching up to you leaving you drained of energy. You looked at the clock to see it read 12:48 AM and you laughed.

Only Mr. Hamilton would send an email at this hour, you thought sleepily as you yawned.

With that you dragged yourself to bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.

~

You didn’t know that sending Mr. Hamilton (you now call him Alex) your paper about how you felt about That Day would change your life. After reading it, Alex sent it to his sister-in-law who was the CEO at a big newspaper company. She absolutely loved and asked you to become a writer at her company.

Seven months later you climbed to the top and became a head writer in The Schuyler Times. You couldn’t be more proud of yourself and you wouldn’t trade your job for the world.

You became very good friends with Angelica Schuyler, the woman who hired you, and you became a well known writer across the east coast.

You never missed your old job, but you would miss a couple of the friends you made while working their. Every once in a while you would meet up with Maria and Alex to see how they were doing, but they were the only ones you kept in touch from your old work.

One day, you were writing an article about a local robbery that happened last night when you got a text from Alex.

mr. nonstop: (2:03 PM)

omg u would not believe what i found out

mr. nonstop: (2:03 PM)

(Y/N) answer it’s so important there’s so much drama

mr. nonstop: (2:03 PM)

it’s such juicy gossip

mr. nonstop: (2:03 PM)

PLS answer i must tell you

you: (2:04 PM)

what alex im working i get off at 3

mr. nonstop: (2:04 PM)

OH PERFECT can you meet me at the coffee shop by my building at 330? i believe this will be better if i told you in person :D

Your eyebrows raised at this. It didn’t sound bad, but you knew it had something to do with you, and you can’t resist talking about drama. You texted back “sure” and went back to work.

Time flew by and you hauled a cab to meet Alex at the normal coffee shop you both went to talk shit about people.

You checked your watch and saw it was 5 til 3:30, but you already spotted Alex gulping down his coffee at your normal table while shaking his leg vigorously as his eyes roamed around the café.

The gossip must be very good today, you thought.

His eyes widened when he saw you and grinned mischievously as he waved you over.

“Ok, here’s your frappuccino!” He handed you your drink as you sat down. “Now let’s get to the good stuff.”

You took a sip of your drink and waited for him to start.

“So obviously a couple months ago you got ‘let go’,” He said as he put sarcastic quotations around “let go”.

You rolled your eyes and nodded.

“So since you got fired, Lafayette and Jefferson needed a new secretary, right?” He said with a smirk.

You put down your drink at this, you totally didn’t think about how your old bosses would need a new vict-assistant to hire.

“They hired this one guy but fired him the next week, then they hired this girl who was there for a month then quit, after they they hired a girl who they, no joke, fired the next day,” Alex went on.

Your eyes widened as Alex kept talking about how many secretaries Mr. Lafayette and Mr. Jefferson have gone through.

“…So in total for the past seven months they have gone through twelve secretaries, (Y/N). Twelve!” Alex laughed as he slammed his coffee down. “I feel so bad for the one working right now, I swear they cry whenever Laf barely talks to them sternly.”

You chuckled with Alex but you still couldn’t believe it. 

Twelve assistants? Nobody is that picky about assistants.

“But that’s not the juicy part!” Alex suddenly stopped laughing.

“It’s not? Because that sounds pret-ty good to me.” You said as you stirred your whipped cream with your straw.

Alex scooted closer to you, “I found the real reason why you got fired.”

You snapped your eyes up to his, “The what?”

Alex chuckled sinisterly and leaned back against his chair, “They didn’t fire you because you were distracted,”

He leaned closer and whispered into your ear, “They fired you because you were distracting.”

You moved your head away from his and looked at him to see if he was really saying what he you think he was saying.

Alex nodded his head and took a sip of coffee, “Oh yes, (Y/N), they were distracted by you.”

You jaw dropped as he confirmed what you thought he was saying.

“There’s no way!” You gasped. “Who told you this?”

Alex then told you how he eavesdropped-

“Overheard!” Alex would object.

How he eavesdropped on a conversation between Jefferson and Lafayette.

“Apparently they couldn’t handle wanting to jump your bones every time they called you into their office, so they had to fire you. Lafayette kept saying you were ”*une belle fleur” and Jefferson said you were “a sight for sore eyes.”

You laughed hard as he did (very bad) impressions of the two of them and he started cackling with you. Afterwards, you wiped the tears from your eyes, but then you remembered what Alex said.

“So, is that all you came to tell me?” You asked Alex.

He shook his head, “I think you should stop by the office and say hi to a couple friends. I’m sure a couple people missed you, some more than others.” He winked and with that he was off, waving goodbye and yelling he hopes to see you soon. That night he texted you to come “stop by” the office next Tuesday.

You left him on read.

~

The next week came soon enough and you texted Angelica that you’re taking the day off.

you: (7:17 AM)

hey angie im not gonna be at work today i have some…stuff to take care of

angie: (7: 21 AM)

make sure you make them regret firing you ;)

You froze and re-read the text again.

Of course Alex would tell her, you thought. He can’t keep his big mouth shut.

You dressed nice today, not because you wanted to impress people. Oh no, you’re a well-known writer! You can dress whenever you want because you can!

You were walking into your former building when you heard someone behind you call your name.

“Hey (Y/N), dressed to impress a certain pair a people, huh?” Alex asked teasingly as he fell into step with you.

You blushed and grumbled, “Shut it, Hamilton. I can dress nice if I want to dress nice.”

Alex held his hands up in defense and went to press the both button 10 and 11 of the elevators.

Nice to see they’re still working, you thought sarcastically.

As the elevator neared the 11th floor, you quickly became nervous. You started fidgeting with your hands and straightening your shirt more times than you could count.

You felt Alex put a hand on your shoulder, “Hey, you don’t have to do this you don’t want to. I’m sorry if you felt pressured to do this.”

You shook your head a took a deep breath, “No it’s fine, Alex. I think it’s best if I do this. Plus, I really wanna see that new secretary they have.”

Both of you laughed and the elevator dinged that you finally arrived at the Alex’s floor.

Alex walked out while you held the door to keep it from closing. You looked around to see that nothing had changed which made you smile.

You looked at Alex, “Is Jefferson or Lafayette in today?”

“That’s why I wanted you to come in specifically today,” He smiled. “Both of them are here.”

Your eyes widened while Alex smirked.

He’s really enjoying this, isn’t he?

“Alright I’ve gotta go, (Y/N). I have a meeting with Washington.” He said with a wave.

You waved goodbye to Alex and told him you would meet up with him soon.

It only took a few seconds to get to the next floor. The elevator dinged again and you took a deep breath and stepped out. You walked around, trying to find someone you recognized when you saw Maria.

“Maria!”

Her head snapped up from the paperwork she was working up and a bright grin appeared on her face.

You both met each other halfway with a big hug.

“Oh my gosh, (Y/N)! Look at you dressed all fancy and competing in the big leagues!” She said as she stepped back from you hug. “God I missed you!”

You both caught up with each other and she led you around the room until you reached your old cubicle. You saw a woman typing frantically on the computer while talking on the phone to someone and being surrounded by enormous piles of paper. You grimaced as you were reminded of your days being stuck in the same position as her.

“Yeah that’s their new secretary,” Maria whispered into your ear. “Have you heard she’s their-”

“Twelfth one? Yeah I’ve heard.” You interrupted.

You both walked away and passed by both Mr. Jefferson’s and Mr. Lafayette’s office and saw both were empty. Maria noticed your confused expression and quickly explained they were having a meeting with Washington downstairs. The same meeting Alex is in. The same floor Alex is on.

“Y'know Maria? I’m gonna go say hi to Al- Mr. Hamilton and I’ll be on my way. It was so nice seeing you again.” You smiled as you gave her another hug.

You decided to take the stairs down to see Alex since he was only a floor away. On your way down the stairs you texted him asking if he was done with the meeting since you didn’t want to wait for him.

you: (9:01 AM)

are u done with ur meeting?

mr. nonstop: (9:01 AM)

yeah just finished! im in my office come stop by

mr. nonstop: (9:02 AM)

u might hear me talking to people in my office but just come on in it’s fine ;)

You didn’t know why he added the winky face, but you shrugged it off. As you neared his office, you couldn’t help but feel something was off, but you kept moving forward. You opened the door to see Alex and Jefferson yelling at each other while Lafayette tried to calm them down. Alex was the only one to notice you walk in as the other two men’s back were facing the door.

“(Y/N)!” Alex exclaimed as he jumped from behind his desk to give you a hug. “I didn’t know you were stopping by today! What a nice surprise!”

As he hugged you he whispered to play along and you huffed and rolled your eyes.

You pulled out of the hug, “Hey Alex! I was just passing by and I couldn’t miss a chance to see you.”

Alex gave you a wink to signal that you’re doing great.

“Oh Lafayette! Jefferson!” He turned to the two men who were gaping at the two of you. “You remember (Y/N), right?”

Your two former bosses gulped and nodded, still unable to form any words.

“How have you guys been?” You asked sweetly with a big smile.

The two just stared until Jefferson nudged Lafayette.

“U-um…we’ve been f-fine, (Y/N). How about you? Do you have a new job?”

You were about to answer when Alex beat you to it.

“Well actually they work for my sister-in-law! They are one of the head writers at The Schuyler Times and one of the biggest names on the east coast!” He said proudly.

Both men looked even more shocked than before.

“W-wow (Y/N), that’s great!” Jefferson finally spoke.

You smiled, “Well I better be on my way! I’m a very busy person and I just wanted to stop by and say hi to Alex!”

Alex went up and hugged you again, but this time he kissed your cheek.

“Make sure to text me when you get home!” He said as you walked out.

You nodded and walked out of his office, finally relaxing your shoulders. You were about to get in the elevator when a pair of hands grabbed you and shoved you into an empty room. You squealed and saw that Mr. Jefferson had been the one to grab you.

“How long have you and Hamilton been dating?” Jefferson asked you.

Your eyes widened at his bluntness. You peeked over his shoulder and saw Mr. Lafayette staring at you with crossed arms.

“I-well we aren’t…uh…dating.” You stammered.

Mr. Jefferson took a step back from you.

“Then what was with all the hugging?” He asked.

“And him kissing your cheek and to text him when you got home?” You heard Mr. Lafayette spit out as he walked over to the both of you.

You blushed, “I have no idea,” You started backing into a corner. “Alex and I are friends, but he usually is never affectionate like that…”

Mr. Jefferson put his hands on either side of your head against the wall, trapping you.

“Oh so you call him Alex now?” He growled his name.

You furrowed your eyebrows and look straight into his eyes, “Whoever I’m friends with and I date is none of your concern! Of either one of your concerns!” You yell as you look over to Mr. Lafayette and push Mr. Jefferson away. “From what I remember you were the ones that fired me! So I shouldn’t even have to be speaking with the two of you!”

You started walking towards the door but you felt a gentle hand grabs yours.

“Oui, we’re sorry (Y/N). We just…” You heard Lafayette say.

You turned around and motioned for him to continued.

He looked over at Mr. Jefferson for some kind of reassurance and looked back at you, “We let you go because we…like you too much, ma chérie.”

You gasped. You know that Alex told you the same thing, but actually hearing it from them makes it completely different.

“We couldn’t take the way how flawless you looked everyday. With your gorgeous eyes and hair. We couldn’t take how intelligent you are and-”

Lafayette was interrupted when you gasped again, but this time it was because you felt Mr. Jefferson wrap his arms from behind you.

“We couldn’t take the way your hips would move when you walk or how your eyes sparkled. We especially couldn’t take it whenever the word ‘Sir’ came out of your pretty little mouth.”

You whimpered at this, you didn’t know how much more you could take.

“Ma chérie,” Lafayette asked. “Would you be willing for us to make it up to you? You can come over to our house tonight and have dinner.”

“W-well uh Mr. Lafa-” You started to stammer.

“Mon amour, just call me Laf.”

You blushed at the new nickname. You were used to “ma chérie”, but this was new.

You felt Mr. Jefferson kiss down your neck, “And you can call me Thomas, darling.”

You shuddered at his administrations and nodded.

“How 'bout this, darling? You doll yourself up and come over to our place around 8. Then we can treat you to dinner,” Mr. Je-Thomas said. “And then at the end of the night we can make everything up to you.” He whispered.

This time you shuddered and whimpered, already ready for what may come.

Laf pulled you out of Thomas’s grasp to pull you into his.

“Here’s our address, ma chréie,” Laf gave you both his and Thomas’s number along with the address. “We’ll be waiting, mon amour.”

The three of you then walked out of the room, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. But Alex caught your eye when the elevator doors were closing and winked at you.

This was quite a turn of events for you.

~

When you got home, it took a while for you to comprehend that you’re going on a date. With two men. Who were your former bosses.

When 5 o'clock rolled around, you changed into your favorite “night out” outfit, which made you look sexy but still very classy.

You had to control your breathing as your GPS told you that you were nearing their house.

It’s ok (Y/N), you told yourself. You look hot and you’ll do fine. They’ve seen you at your worst, you’ll be fine.

As you pulled up to park, your mouth dropped. Their house was huge!

It’s not even a house! More like a mansion! You said to yourself.

You shakily made your way up the stair and rung the doorbell. You nervously fiddled with your outfit until the door opened and your jaw dropped.

You know how usually when you see men in suits it usually makes them hotter? It wasn’t true for you since you see men in suits all the time. But behind the door you saw Thomas and Laf in completely normal and comfortable clothing which somehow made then ten times hotter.

“(Y/N)! You look amazing as always, darling.” Thomas said as he and Lafayette led you in.

You looked around at the grand room and couldn’t help but gawk at it.  You were stopped when you smelt something amazing coming from what you assumed to be the kitchen!

“I made pasta for us, ma chérie.” Lafayette told you. “It’s simple but I think you will like it.”

You grinned and nodded at him, unable to contain your excitement for the night.

After dinner all three of you decided to watch a movie. The three of you might have had a bit too much wine since you all ended up cuddling on the couch. You were enjoying the movie until you felt a hand wrap around your thigh. You looked and saw that Thomas was watching the movie as if he had done nothing different, so you shrugged and focused your attention back on the screen. A couple minutes later, however, another hand wrapped your other thigh.

You blushed and knew this was no mistake, but you weren’t going to say no to them. This is was you signed up for.

During the movie, both hands started creeping up your thighs until they reached just under your core.

You were already very needy from before, but this was driving you insane. You needed one of them to do something.

“Ma chérie, shall we continue this in the bedroom.” Laf whispered in your ear.

–

* une belle fleur = a beautiful flower

[tonystarkjr]

LYRIC PROMPTS

Some Prompts that are lyrics from very cute and lovely songs. There are always two lines. One for Person A and one for Person B.

A

 „You ain't no lady but you've sure got taste in men.“ – „But I've been told by friends of mine you're someone I can trust.“ (AC/DC - Carry Me Home)

„You say you want the truth, but you can't take it. So I give you lies.“ – „I won't apologize to you anymore. Cause I'm a grown-ass man.“ (Adam Lambert – There I Said it)

„Everybody loves the things you do. From the way you talk to the way you move“ - „My God, this reminds me. Of when we were young.“  (Adele – When we Were Young)

„I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe!“ -  „At the end of it all, you're still my best friend.“  (Alex Clare – Too Close)

„I'm getting sick of your bullshit attitude.“ – „Do you want me. Or do you want me dead?“  (All Time Low – Do You Want Me (Dead)?)

„Tell me how am I supposed to breathe. When losing you is choking me?“ – „I still remember that empty look left on your face.“ (The All-American Rejects – Heartbeat Slowing Down)

 „I'm so into you, I can barely breathe.“ – „A little bit dangerous, but, baby, that's how I want it.“ (Ariana Grande – Into You)

„I want to show you who I really am.“ – „I wanna get to know you, talk all night.“ (Aura Dione – Masterpiece)

„Now don't you tell me to leave you alone.“ – „I want you to touch me.“ (Avicii – Touch Me)

„I don’t like your girlfriend!“ – „I think we should get together now.“ (Avril Lavigne – Girlfriend)

B

„Add on that I'm a coward. Too scared to return your calls.“ – „Despite how silly it sounds. You're bigger. Than me.“ (Backstreet Boys – Bigger)

„And you said you always had my back.“ – „I don’t wanna hear you talk about it anymore.“ (Bastille – Bad Blood)

„Who the fuck do you think I am?“ – „And keep your money, I've got my own.“ (Beyoncé – Don’t Hurt Yourself)

„And I'm too fucked up.“ – „But I know I'll never be that cool.“ (Blink 182 – Apple Shampoo)

„They don't think you're all that cool. They like you for your step-dad's pool.“ – „Hey you, you dance like those assholes I see.“ – (Bloodhound Gang – Uncool As Me)

„I really want you to really want me, but I really don't know if you can do that.“ – „And you're listening to the sound of my breaking heart.“ – (James Blunt – I Really Want You)

„For the love of god, will you bite your tongue.“ – „I think it's time you knew the truth.“ – (Bring Me The Horizon – Go To Hell, For Heaven’s Sake.)

„My mouth is shut, my lips are sealed.“ – „I should have turned and walked away.“ (Billy Talent – The Crutch)

„Don't believe me just watch.“ – „Gotta kiss myself I'm so pretty.“ (Bruno Mars – Uptown Funk)

„Don't try and heal me when I'm broken.“ – „This might be hard to hear.“ (Bullet For My Valentine – Broken)

C

„It's way too soon, I know this isn't love.“ – „But I need to tell you something.“ (Carly Rae Jepsen – Really Like You)

„I've been waiting all night long to know your name.“ – „You've been so cold.“ (Chris Brown – I’ll call ya)

„I only got 10 likes in the last 5 minutes.“ – „Let me take another selfie.“ (The Chainsmokers - #Selfie)

„Don't you ever say I just walked away.“ – „I will always want you.“ (Miley Cyrus – Wrecking Ball)

D

 „There are so many things that I don't understand.“ – „I've been, for sometime, looking for someone.“ (Daft Punk  - Within)

„Leave him alone, let him go!“ – „Only you can stop the pain.“ (David Guetta – Used To Be The One)

„Can't you act your age“ - „It's not my fault you'll never be happy.“  (A Day To Remember – Best Of Me)

„And all that I want is forgiveness one more time.“ – „To be the best in the world.“ (Disturbed – Just Stop)

E

„Maybe you could swing by my room around 10:00.“ – „Don’t fuck with my love.“ (Ed Sheeran – Don’t)

„You shoot me once, you shoot me twice.“ – „Let me show you what I'm talking about.“ (Enrique Iglesias)

„I'm on my own.“ – „I think I'm falling and there's no return.“ (Enter Shikari – One True Colour)

F

„I'm just a notch in your bedpost.“ – „I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear.“ (Fall Out Boy – We’re Going Down)

G

„All that I remember is that you had me at hello.“ – „What happened? Did it happen? Last night.“ (Good Charlotte – Last Night)

„I heard you crying loud.“ – „You’ve been thinking about ditching me.“ (Green Day – When i come around)

„
It’s a mystery how you sleep at night.“ – „
I give you so many chances, but you screw them all up.“ (Gossip – I Won’t Play)

H

„Baby just don't close your heart.“ – „It's all going wrong.“ (HIM – Don’t close your Heart)

I

Come with me and we will run away.“ – „I am all you adore, lately.“ (Imagine Dragons – Hear Me)

J

„If you don't want me to leave then don't push me away.“ – „I'm gonna stay.“ (James Morrison – Dont Wanna Love Me)

„How much I adore those pretty eyes of yours.“ – „Can you love me for a lifetime or just one night.“ (Jennifer Lopez – Baby I Love You)

„I'm gonna be be good so tell me that you're gonna be good too.“ – „I'm gonna treat you right.“ (Jonas Brothers – BB Good)

„'Cause I'm missing more than just your body.“ – „I know you know that I made those mistakes maybe once or twice.“ (Justin Bieber – Sorry)

„Beautiful smile with those sad eyes.“ – „I don't know why you'd leave me alone.“ (Justin Timberlake – Amnesia)

K

„You’re so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal.“ – „You’re so skinny you should really Super Size the deal.“ (Katy Perry – Ur So Gay)

„Never thought that you would be the one.“ – „Maybe you shouldn't Kiss 'n' tell.“ (Ke$ha – Kiss N Tell)

„Taking me higher than I've ever been before.“ – „You're just another day that keeps me breathing.“ (Kiesza – Hideaway)

L

„I just want you alone“ - „It wasn't love, it wasn't love.“ (Lady Gaga – Perfect Illusion)

„You say that you are proud of me.“ – „You’re not the one that you pretend to be.“ (Linkin Park – Pretend To Be)

„Forget that boy, I'm over it.“ – „Guess I should say thank you.“ (Little Mix – Shout Out To My Ex)

M

When I'm without you. I'm so insecure.“ – „Don't let nobody touch it. Unless that somebody's me.“ (Maroon 5 – Sugar)

„I have the loves of many men. But I don’t love any of them.“  - „Why do you cheat on me?“ (Metallica – Cheat On Me)

„I got a bulletproof heart.“ – „Let me be the one to save you.“ (My Chemical Romance – Bulletproof Heart)

N

„And my heart feels a fool.“ – „Can't stop thinking of you, cause I'm so jealous, baby.“ ( New Kids on the Block – Jealous)

O

„Counted all my mistakes and there's only one.“ – „Yeah, it took me some time, but I figured out.“ (One Direction – Where do Broken Hearts Go?)

„I can only be myself.“ – „I'll never forget you.“ (Olly Murs – Tryna change me)

„But you confuse me.“ – „I said babe do you want to take it fast or slow?.“ (OneRepublic – The Less I Know)

P

„Do I look lonely?“ – „Am I the best you've ever had?“ (Panic! At The Disco – Death of a Bachelor)

 „Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back.“ – „I cannot take any more.“ (P!nk – Stupid Girls)

„I know you like me.“ – „Let's keep it friendly.“ (The Pussycat Dolls – Don’t Cha)

„Hate is a strong word.“ – „Thought you thought that I was worth it.“ (Plain White T’s –Hate Really Don’t Like You)

Q

 „The Show must go on.“ – „Inside my heart is breaking.“ (Queen – The Show Must Go On)

R

„I forgot your birthday.“ – „I'm a mess.“ (The Rasmus – I’m A Mess)

„Show me what it is you believe in.“ – „Do you want to get up early in the morning?“ (Red Hot Chili Peppers – We Turn Red)

„Tell me why don't you bring me flowers?“ – „Tell me why don't you notice me?“ (Roxette – Why Don’t You Bring Me Flowers?)

„But we haven’t kissed for four days.“ – „If we go down, we’re going down together.“ (Robin Schulz – Titanic)

„I'm no good without you.“ – „Just love me.“ (Rihanna – Love On The Brain)

„Why are you not afraid?“ – „I have learned to stand up and just to walk away.“ (Rise Against – Beautiful Indifference)

„Come in and close the door.“ – „But now you know me so you know that I'd be lying.“ (Robbie Williams – Motherfucker)

S

„You say I'm crazy.“ – „I know I'm not the only one.“ (Sam Smith – Not The Only One)

„Why do you say things. If you do not mean them.“ – „And now i can’t sleep.“ (Shakira – Cut Me Deep)

„I found a note with another name.“ -  „I can't bite my tongue forever.“ (Simple Plan – Your Love Is A Lie)

„I'm talking to myself.“ – „Forgot what I just said.“ (Sum 41 – All Messed Up)

„I can break your heart.“ – „you think you are to good for anyone.“ (Sunrise Avenue – I Can Break Your Heart)

 T

„You look like my next mistake.“ – „'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream.“ (Taylor Swift – Blank Space)

„I never sleep.“ – „I wish I knew what it was like.“ (Three Days Grace – I Am Machine)

„I am not as fine as I seem, pardon.“ – „The game is not played alone.“ (Twenty One Pilots – Migraine)

U

„I swear to tell the truth.“ – „But I guess my love wasn't good enough.“ (Usher – Guilty)

V

„Did you say the thing you wanted?“ – „Have you ever felt in love?“ (Volbeat – Goodbye Forever)

W

„You're only looking for attention.“ – „What do you expect now?“ (The Weeknd – Attention)

„Listen to Iron Maiden maybe with me?“ – „And he doesn't give a damn about me.“ (Wheatus – Teenage Dirtbag)

Z

„I'd love to wake up next to you.“ – „So we'll piss off the neighbours.“ (Zayn Malik – Pillowtalk)

#

„What happened to just messing around?“ „I’ll break your Heart“ (The 1975 – Girls)

„He treats you so bad and I'm so good to you it's not fair.“ – „Thanks for being a friend.“ (5 Seconds of Summer – Heartbreak Girl)

[daniedoodles]

Danie’s Dilemmas Ep. 26: Books Closed

Today of all days, I’ll Always Remember You by Hannah Montana could not be taken more seriously. It’s the last day of senior year. In spite of how much I anticipated to cry on this day, I actually didn’t, possibly because I’ve thought about it so often for the last two months (or maybe it’s because my last diploma isn’t until this Thursday so really, everyone’s last day is slightly different). I have so much to say, but none all at once. This has been said time and time again, but I feel like for most of high school, we had the tendency to take it for granted; we all wanted to drop out or give up at some point because it just felt like there was nothing about our experiences that implied that eventually, it would get better. All those times complaining about homework or cramming for exams... except now that it’s over, we can’t help but focus on the good parts about it that have also come to an end, most of which were moments spent with friends doing dumb shit lmao. 2019 so far has proven to be one of the most bizarre years thus far. I’ve spent time with people that I never thought I would get the chance to, endured the most UNserious exam season, and now, the most UNserious last day of school. Since I was not remotely prepared to face the last day in terms of taking the opportunity to formally thank all of the people that made high school as fun as it has been, I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone and mention them on this episode :) And yes, I will be mentioning names. We’re NOT in high school anymore so there’s no need to play guessing games. 

Vicky: I never know how to start these things without making it sound cringey or sappy, but bitch we have been THROUGH it. Regardless of how we’ve managed to not get into a single class together throughout the entire three years we’ve spent in high school, we somehow managed to stay hella close which you should know by now, I am incredibly grateful for. I haven’t exactly been as active with the group, but that’s only because I know we have all of summer ahead of us to make up for it. Just know that I’m always going to be here to be the voice of reason, but also your partner in crime. We’ve laughed too loud and cried too hard over the dumbest shit, taken bomb ass photos and eaten too much food. I’m so excited for what other dumb shit we can do together. When you’re out on your own adventures, pls text me so I know you’re not dead. I love you, my favourite rat. OwO

Alex: Whew, sis. We came together on the oddest terms, talking about failed love interests and all that bs, but aren’t you glad that it happened? Otherwise, we wouldn’t have had that deep talk at the ridge, wouldn’t have realized how similar we were in terms of how bad we are with gaining closure lmao. I’ve never felt more comfortable to cry as hard as I have about the death of a fictional character as I have been with you, and that speaks volumes because I hate crying in front of other people. Last summer was by far one of the best summers I have ever experienced and I’m grateful to have spent a majority of it with you. Thanks for saving my ass when I snuck out of the house that one time and for staying up and feeding me after I got back from being out until 3am. Now that school’s out, let’s get on that mf tanning grinddddddd. ily bitch. I swear, I feel like I have I lot more to say for you but right now I’m coming up blank. But I feel like you already know what else there is that I have to say... if not, I’m saving it for your birthday (hurry up and be 18 already goddamn). 

Laureen: Laureen you already know we’re on the same wavelength lmao. Even though I feel like I see you the least of all in the group, it’s comforting to know that it doesn’t lessen the integrity (sorry to give u ptsd from the diploma) of our friendship. Being born on days that are so close together really be hitting us different. I swear, there have been so many times where we’re just thinking about the exact same thing, which is both cool and creepy. LIKE OUR GOD TALKS OMF. Seeing that we’re both the moms of the group, we gotta stick together to take care of our crackhead children. But fr, I trust you with everything. My future children, my own life, my phone, my butler ;) How are you not my emergency contact, honestly? We need to have a car talk and see what comes out of that. There is so much more I have to fill you in on. (also don’t forget about clubbing next Thursday eeooow). 

Joscelynn: Let me tell you, Joscelynn, how big of a blessing it is to have you live so close to me. Out of everything that you’ve done for me, I think the one I’m most grateful for is for the time that you “broke” into my house to check if I unplugged my straightener LMAOO... or that time when you just hugged me while I was breaking down in the washroom at the end of the day where I had a test for all four periods. As much as I don’t know who most of your tea is about, it’s nice to know that you’re comfortable to confide in me and the whole group about all kinds of things, even when we don’t ask for the kind of detail you provide HAHAHAHA. Also, thanks for always coming in clutch with all the board games. Much love, Pennywise. <3

Diane: I know we sort of hit a wall with our friendship at one point, but I’m really happy that we were still able to recover from it and rekindle our friendship. I understand that the circumstance is all different now, and we aren’t as attached to one another as we once were back in junior high, but I think there’s some good in that because we were able to grow at our own pace. Although we have to admit that we did grow a little bit apart as well in the process, I like that we are both still able to reminisce fondly on the moments we’ve shared in the past. You’re one of the brightest minds I know :). I feel like I never told you enough but I always appreciated how easily you could bring a smile to people’s faces. Yeah, keep doing it. If you ever need to vent, I’m only a 4-minute scooter ride away. 

Anna: Holy shit sis, idek where to begin. You’re by far the biggest reason why I was able to haul my ass through to the end of high school. If you didn’t look out for my water intake, or the little errors in my calculations... I don’t even want to imagine it. You’ve done so much for me and have had to endure all of my shit that I can’t encapsulate it all into a single letter. I can’t thank you enough for all the memes that have made me piss myself on countless occasions, no matter how old they were nor how often I would look back on it, for recommending me to the program that will finally release me from the constraints of the status of being a “broke ass bitch”, for staying up with me discussing all kinds of things from the environment and ethics, to fortunes, astrology, love, and TEA. We’ve both seen each other at our most vulnerable and beaten down state (which is literally every English class), and we’ve celebrated each other’s triumphs, but most importantly, laughed at our failures (English, again omg). I can’t help but get emotional whenever I think of how you’re gonna be leaving soon for UBC, but it’s not like that’s going to affect how often we keep in touch anyways lol. We can’t just have the kettle always overflow, you know? Fr tho, I’m big fucking sad about you leaving, but I’m also so proud of how far you’ve come. I really don’t know how tf I’m supposed to be able to cope with suddenly not seeing you everyday. Ugh, ew I’m crying now but as I was saying, thank you for everything. I can’t wait to get those dream recorders out on the market after we’ve gathered all the knowledge on neuro/psych and business so we don’t have to wake up in the middle of the night and write out the dreams in our notes anymore. I’ll miss you a fuck ton ON GOD. 

Cheyenne: Cheyenne!! I’m so glad I met you and Anna when I did :)) we made the best chemistry lab group, we basically made titration our mf bitch. There was always so much comfort in knowing that we were all on the same page about not getting assignments done on time for English lmao. You just hear that sigh of absolute relief. I’m happy to have become close enough with you for you to be able to trust me with all the stuff you’ve spilt, and for reading your cards when you need them read. I can’t wait for all of us to actually do shit together this summer, I don’t even understand how we let the summers prior pass us like that. In all seriousness though, Cheyenne, you’re so kind and genuine, I’m glad we’ve gotten a lot closer this year. After summer, I guess I’ll be seeing you around campus!! 

Yuan: Bitch, hay nako. Where to start? I don’t think I’ve ever been quiet OR in a bad mood after hanging out with you. I’m glad that I was able to count on you to distract me from getting any work done in class and for getting photos of mee sleeping. Grabe, nakakabwiset HAHAHAHA. Actually though, I don’t think we’ve been close-close up until recently but I’m still so happy that we are now kasi ang saya mong kasama. Not a lot of people can convince me to speak Tagalog so already that says something. Basta, I’ll keep this short cause it’s not like we’re not seeing each other over the summer. We’ve got a lot of time to make more memories. Pwede nang uminom (thank God). Thanks for all the laughs, and for keeping up with the bullshit I write on this page lol. 

Joaquin: Hey, “best friend” wassup?? We haven’t been close for long either. In fact, we’ve barely just hit the 2-week mark of our friendship. But I will say that that was the most last minute transition from acquaintance - close friend. Even though we’ve been in at least one class together during each of the three years, we weren’t necessarily on active talking terms... until now. Thus far, every moment I’ve spent with you and Yuan, or just you, have all been for the books. I don’t think I’ve laughed as much as I had on that one day that we went to Southcentre. Already I can say that you’re one of the greatest people I know: generous, kindhearted, hilarious, and with a great taste in music. I’m excited for whatever it is that ends up happening in the summer, spontaneous or planned, I can’t wait. :D Ps. Thanks for getting me out of the house lol.

Jay: James, bruh. We haven’t been in touch lately, but I feel like you already know what’s coming to you, considering a majority of my indirects to you are basically just going to get reiterated right at this moment. Always know that I genuinely appreciate all of the deep talks we’ve had in the past and that you’re one of the few people I trust to openly express my thoughts to. I hope everything with tennis continues to go well, and that we get to catch up soon ‘cause lowkey it has been TOO long since we’ve last talked-talked.  

Maxine: Max, by the time you’re back on social media, you’re probably never gonna see this because it’s going to be buried so deep into my feed and I know that you’re too lazy to scroll that far down, but I’m gonna write it anyway. We’ve been friends for awhile now, and only now, in our second semester of senior year, did we manage to get into the same class ever since junior high, and it’s safe to say that there has never been a dull moment with you... to the point where I’m pretty sure we made the teacher hate us. I don’t know why you were so set on saying goodbye today when we literally live in the same community and have each other’s numbers, but aight lol. Max, you really be the OG out here. Every time we talk we can’t help but reminisce on how much we sucked ass at opening our own lockers in grade 7 and to this day it still cracks me tf up. Thank you for dealing w my bs after all this time, and for letting me stay at your place before and after school in junior high. ily  

Jerry and Cam: Y’all we go WAYYY back. Even though you guys didn’t attend school at bob, I still wanted to make a point of thanking the both of you for reconnecting. Plus, this is one of the few opportunities I have to acknowledge the support of my audience (LMFAO) so I thought “why not?”. We’ve only hung out once since February (or March? idek), but that’s definitely gotta change now that we’ve got a lot more free time. Y’all know where to find me when you need advice/opinions/someone to talk to when you’re bored/a tour guide to the boring south lmao (or maybe not that.. I lack street smarts). 

That’s it. I’m also probably going to email my teachers because I did not have the time nor the energy to do anything before the last day of school so that’s how they’re going to get it. Is this what it means to be eco-friendly?? Writing emails instead of actual handwritten cards??? I mean.. okay I guess. 

In conclusion, ending the senior year is bittersweet. If there’s anything I’ve learned from going through it all, it’s that you should get all your shit over with in your grade 10 and 11 years, so you’ll be cruisin by senior year. Also, don’t deprive yourself of hanging out with friends. That shit sucks ass and you’ll regret it a lot. 

ps. just because high school is ending, does NOT mean that this is the end of Danie’s Dilemmas. You really think the tea’s gonna stop there??

For now. 

Keep up. 

x

[survivingjapan]

EPISODE 9 “That Damn Demagorgon” Pippa

[gif]

ok so I was close 8-4 against Isaac but Tommy got the other 4 votes.... idk what they were thinking targeting Tommy....like yes he needs to go, but did you really expect to be able to get votes on him right now?? I'm just happy my ladies Sarah and Brian escaped unscathed lmfaooo!

LISTEN UP MCFUCKERS! im pissed as hell! Isaac did not deserve this. AT. ALL. PERIOD. If alex didnt hardcore defend sarah this entire fucking day, we prob would've been a little more aligned. If trace (actually i forgive trace bc we barely talked) and kendall (that damn demagorgon) and johnny (YOU ARE NOT ISAAC, ANDREW, AND I'S KIDS ANYMORE. YOU'RE NOTHING. YOU'RE ROTTEN) had not been up everyone's asses about saving their asses, everything would've been fine. BUT NO. NO ONE KNOWS TRIBAL FUCKING LOYALTY. NO ONE. SCREW ALL OF YOU. this is like bb19 where all of you are so stupid to not vote sarah (paul) out or tommy (also paul) because they offer you friendship. oh and the india alliance is so fucking obvious, get over yourselves

HAPPY DANCE HAPPY DANCE HAPPY DANCE!!!!!! I'M ****SHOOK**** THAT WENT THE WAY IT ENDED UP GOING JDAFKVLABDNFJKLVNFADLJKVNJKLADNVKJLADNVKLJADFLJKVNAJKLAD To be completely honest, I'm not happy at all that Isaac is gone, but it just needed to happen because I needed to show Alex a lesson, and I know it may have hurt Andrew and Pippa a bit, but if I can work it to the best of my abilities, then we have a real shot at only taking down Villains from here on out, and I think the possibilities are endless. I also got kicked out of the alliance chat I had with Isaac (who left), Kendall (who left), Andrew, Drew, Pippa, Alex C. and me (who got booted), so now I know that alliance is down to four and Kendall and I abandoned ship so LUL More importantly, I have a pretty good position on my tribe and every single tribe member has a good level of trust with me, which I'm content with, and now I think we have a VERY strong potential to win this immunity challenge, but looking at that it's flash, I'm thinking the brains are going to go back to tribal, which will hopefully knock Jonathan out of the game. I wanted Music Videos at this point, but we get what we get and we don't get upset. Even though we're the beauty tribe, I think we have the strongest tribe by far. No offense to some, but Kage and Ashton are not too great at challenges, especially doing horribly in their original seasons, but I know Drew, Steffen and Dom are fucking all stars, so we'll see how it weighs out. I think our tribe is mad strong and we could be looking towards our first W as a tribe after this challenge. Time to devote my life for the next 22 hours to this challenge. Finally, I'd like to commend a RIP to Isaac. True friend, just a casualty *blows three fingers into the air*

These heroes know about each other's personal lives way too much....if I'm going to survive here I need to be REALLY inventive REALLY fast because I can't build a bond like that in a matter of a week.... I'll just have to use brute strategy and logic to convince them to keep me. I mean, right now, I'm clearly much, much more valuable than Kage so hopefully they'd at least keep me over him. After that, I could probably stick with Steffen and paint Drew as a big individual threat. From there, we could either help protect him, thus gaining his support, or make a campaign against him to Ashton and Dom. The latter seems risky though considering Ashton and Dom hardly speak to me.... If Drew can't be painted as a big target, my next best bet is to prove my worth over Ashton....cuz it seems Drew/Steffen/Dom know each other quite well so they'll be no chance in breaking that and I'd rather be at the bottom and alive than voted out so.....

So after talking to Pippa, it seems that she's in A LOT of trouble, and she is definitely not happy with my move against Isaac, and honestly, I expected her to be the one that was most upset with the move. The way she was talking to me was almost like ".......... okay what do you want me to do now?" Like she was saying how everything I was saying WASN'T getting shut down, but literally it was, and I was looking to better my position to get to merge, and then essentially just going with the flow and figuring it out from there. Essentially, I think I'm in a good position in my tribe, but I am pretty sure that Sarah is very likely to target me next, but I've got my second chance idol if I go back to tribal council, so I should be okay. I'm just going to have to finagle my way around this and figure my way out of this swap, but I also do think that Kendall won't target me immediately because it just doesn't make sense for her. I'm almost willing to cut anyone on my tribe, except Trace, to survive to merge. It might have to be Brian, even though voting for Brian won't work out too well for my whole Steffen/Crow/Brian/I thing, but oh well. I gotta stay safe ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

asfoajshfoqhrqototbie wubgwbgw; literally me having Sarah throw just gave me immunity and let me avoid 17th place as royalty Cirie Fields once said if ya cant beat them with dem biceps u can beat them with dem brains! (yet I'm a brawn but thats fine.....) Now if I could somehow scheme Junior out of this game cross-tribally hmmmmmm!

Just being here this season https://68.media.tumblr.com/401f8e72df04c376c8d989cdf135f514/tumblr_orehgfDnfj1t8a71ko1_500.gif

Okay since the truel is coming up and there might be the possibility of it being a double tribal, I know I need to get the ball rolling on the strategy. I hope I can bank on Steffen helping me out since we have the connection of me, him, Johnny, and Brian. Kage is too chaotic for me to feel good about having on my side Dom never talks to me nor responds much....Ashton is giving me no vibes of wanting to play with me So I'm working on Drew right now because I feel that if him AND Steffen both see the pros of keeping me, I'll survive at least the first vote-off we have.... Here's to hoping my sarcasm and charm actually work..... =)

I could go on a whole mess about why I'm pissed about Isaac going but I'll just sum up because I'm trying to move past it. I'm hurt. Johnny and Kendall hurt me. I see why everyone did it other than Kendall, and I really think she's just throwing this whole thing to Sarah. I almost pity Kendall but then can see her getting far. Not winning - but getting fat. And that's something that's seeming less and less like a possibility for me while I'm on this brain tribe that was fucked from the start. This is why a beauty had to go. So now we're moving forward. Last night, I called Junior and I think we're gonna try working together on this. Jonathan wants out Pippa but Junior and I discussed taking out Alex. Which? Is fine. Our relationship is just too strained. But the problem is - his chickenshit ass is probably playing the brawn idol tonight. So Pippa and I might just have to vote Jonathan. But I need Alex to not play that idol. That could be a disaster. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE ASHTON GAVE ME THE FUCKING REHIDDEN BRAIN IDOL. So obviously I have to play one of these tonight bc I'm not going home with 2. Everyone's kinda offline rn so I'll check in with everyone a little later. I just wanna survive this brain tribe. Even if I have to take out a hero, or Pippa. Fuck the tribal lines at this point. After being preached to for 18 days about "hero strong" I didn't really have reason to question it but obviously people are going to be selfish, and I wanna be too. Sorry if that makes me a POS ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ but if we keep losing and I'm still here I'm gonna have to be