#sorry for how long the responses are idk how to be concise

[ongreenergrasses]

Super left field but how do you think misogyny maniests in the districts? From a character perspective it’s intentional that katniss is a hunter and peeta is a baker (2 roles that are generally associated with a particular gender) but if I remember correctly there was never any snide commentary about this from other characters even from like the careers during the games - which i guess is also a reflection of how the circumstances are in the districts, you can’t afford to be stuck to “gendered roles.” Unfortunately though, it’s always been obvious that misogynistic views can prevail regardless of circumstance (see finnicks sexual exploitation + how Annie is viewed/characterized + Johanna strategy in the games). plus also always wondered what that split was of female to male victors esp when it comes to sponsors and stuff i wouldn’t be surprised if mentors found it easier to vouch male tributes. Even with katniss like girl was so skilled but all anyone wanted to criticize her was her “attitude” and yes it is an important factor people consider but the girl is also in an insane position rn so fucking fr and i can’t help but wonder what the conversations would be like if there was a male tribute with the same demeanor. Actually idk i keep contradicting myself bc I guess finnick displayed that for guys too in the same way charm is emphasized to be a major asset/weapon too. sorry to bombard with a long rambling

no worries for the long ramble! I have so so many thoughts on this but I’ll try to be concise

I feel like misogyny is very present when you get beyond a surface level, especially when it comes to people’s attitudes…yes Katniss is a hunter, but she’s thrust into the caretaking role for her family at a young age, and being a caretaker from very young is a role that really plagues young girls and women and a responsibility that falls less to men. Katniss’s attitudes towards other women are very telling to me, she sees women as people to be protected and sees any types of display of emotion as weakness. when men show emotions, she switches into needing to protect them. at the same time, any woman that shows aggression or anger (Clove, Johanna) is immediately vilified. Katniss has a very narrow definition of an “acceptable” woman, and she is much more lenient towards men when it comes to their personalities and attitudes and far less judgmental. she’s young enough and presented as ordinary enough that I think her views are probably not unique and are a good indicator of everyday misogyny.

I think when it comes to the female tributes, their attitudes and appearance are very heavily scrutinized and prized in comparison to the boys. I always think about how it takes Katniss hours for prep but Peeta gets to sleep in, because he just has “less prep”. yes, Finnick’s trafficked and his appearance is heavily emphasized, but he is always presented as the exception to the norm in pretty much every aspect, and we see also from Katniss’s narration that in the districts, sexual exploitation plagues women at a very high rate and seems to be almost exclusively a women’s issue.

the final thing I’ll mention is that there is a serious Madonna/whore complex approach when it comes to all women in thg, regardless of who’s narrating (it’s common throughout Coryo, Katniss, and Haymitch’s narration), and in this vein, motherhood is seen as the ultimate duty and way of fulfillment for a woman and someone who “fails” at this is also vilified (Mrs. Everdeen, to an extent Mrs. Undersee).

[givemedamage]

i dont really ramble slash just post my thoughts that much anymore bc im like an on edge bitch plus ive gotten ten times more incoherent off my meds and i dont wanna subject anyone to that except for in tags on art posting maybe sometimes ill be like BARRRRFFF WORDS but i wanna do it now bc. i just want to On that note like i definitely have posted dipshit dumbass stuff like oversharing stuff or stuff i no longer agree with or wish i worded better or didnt speak so soon on like i have a journal if i really need to tell the universe i just took a shit but ANYWAYTHATS NOT EVEN THE POINT OF THIS RAMBLE WAIT THIS WAS ART RELATED RAMBLING ok so like i've been trying to quote unquote relearn art for a hot minute cold second now and sometimes, ill think of that one ask i got that was like 'how do you draw furries' or How do you draw anthros or IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE THAT and i cant remember what exactly i replied ,GIVEN THAT IS A VERY VAGUE QUESTION BUT LIKE i definitely replied something strange and unhelpful like 'ufhhh just practice :D !!!!! find fun ways to furrify the furry idk' AND LIKE IF THAT WAS YOU IM SO SORRY i feel like there's so much stuff i didn't AND STILL DON'T OBVIOUSLY know even though ive been doing furry art since babyhood like how important fundamental whatever is WHICH I KNOW SOUNDS DUMB LIKE OBVIOUSLY FUNDAMENTALS ARE IMPORTANT but like. learning perspective and actual shading not just guessing and using people pose and animals pose references and doing figure studies and outside places studies has HELPED ME SO MUCH LIKE WOW WHAT THE FUCK there's just little things i never learned in art class. little things i'll notice like 'huh foot (paw?) placement is actually rlly awesome and also important drawing a character standing' or like 'so that's what a trapezius is' or like 'ohhh i get it now, things are scaled bigger when they're closer and i should be thinking about the pov also' which like the last time i was in an art class i was literally a FRESHMAN IN HS so like. like yeah But how to draw furries individual , i apologize but if i was asked that again id probably be like ''References and youtube tutorial and especially that animal skull github angle reference website saved my hide'' WHICH ISNT REALLY THAT BETTER OF A RESPONSE NOW THAT IM LOOKING AT IT BUT LIKE I COULDVE more concisely said (ironic sonsidering how fucking long this spiel is becoming)that i don't know what the fuck im doing but i love resources and i love pencils and skecthing and i love wawa color and painting and digitaling arting and i love my fake world and artists i love you and artists who struggle making art they want i love you and artists who want to do art but are nervous to start or are preoccupied with other shit i love you . i know stuffs really hard out here for everyone and excuse me for being so unspecific about it but it seems like everyday it's just another thing it's honestly getting hard to keep up with much less sum up my frustrations towards in a single already tragically rambly post and i hate it so much and stay safe and i'm sorry do not die quietly plus never kill yourself. Tl,dr; i run on sentence about how art is good and fun, (somewhat gushily and long windedly )

[aloera]

The ask prompt is too long to fit into an ask TT_TT but here's the doc for it docs(.)google(.)com/document/d/1yDI7iFRhOJ8ENv_IwZAo3rDSUqj80EiJROS10RzRbj4/edit

the lengths u are going for this,,, much appreciated you're very sweet!!!

prompts + answers under the cut!!

INTRODUCTION

Name: aloera

AO3 account: aloera

Fandoms you write for: bnha

How many stories have you written so far: 19

FANFICTION PROFILE

What's your favorite fandom to write for? hmm,,, used to do pjo and eah (ever after high) and eah was fun as fuck i will say!!! i think bnha is my fav mostly bc i made the most friends in this fandom :D

What's your favorite character/person to write for? bkg and kirishima!! cannot choose do not make me <3

Fic you'd want to improve? probably what we deserve? i rushed the beginning and the confession is a bit stilted imo

Hardest fic you've written? between lion and men -_- bc there is so much canon compliant stuff i've gotta write out before i get to the divergence and its HARD

Easiest fic you've written? come home to me!!! it happened so easily,,, no second guessing no writers block just vibes <33 was lovely i miss it

What would you say is the most "famous" fic you've ever written? also probably come home to me? its got the most interaction

first line of the first fic you've ever written and published. [not including my 2014 ffnet fics] "The bell rings, class starts, and Katsuki and Midoriya are inexplicably absent." from come home to me

Have you ever done a collab with another writer? yes!!!!! on two separate occasions and its so fucking fun i highly recommend trying it out its the best

Do you beta? if asked but honestly im a shit beta lmao

Do you like joining fic fests/exchanges? depends on what i have going on irl but in general yeah!!

FANFICTION PREFERENCES

Fluff or angst? definitely fluff

"OCs" or "Reader" inserts? reader inserts!! have been going ham on them recently

Blurbs or drabbles? blurbs!!

One thing you love about fanfiction i just. i really love slice of life romance?? and most media doesn't give you that bc its dedicated to plot and action and that's valid!! but fanfiction fills in the gap which is really nice

One thing you don't like about fanfiction most of the stuff i don't like is less about actual fanfiction and more about how people behave about it

What is/are your favorite fandom author/authors? IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! TURN IT UP!!!

bnha: hiuythn, rae_tnub, Moniix, Ata_Lanta, wrunic, chezka, PurplePersnickety, surveycorpsejean, mahadevi, arxaris, deviance, Oceanbreeze7, MikeWritesThings, bonnia, wonhaebunny, dinosuns

voltron: hiuythn, Oceanbreeze7, DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee, arahir, dinosuns,

and honorable mention to loveclouds im not even in the haikyuu fandom i just love their fics So Much

these are just the ones off the top of my head i have so many favourites idc if i'm only supposed 2 have one!! die mad about it!!!

What is your favorite trope? secret relationship + relationship reveal til the day i die babie <3 <3

Least favorite trope? hm,,, probably just like. angst lmao i cannot stand 90% of it

A fanfiction cliché that you can't help but love? coffeeshop aus,,,, so good

Do you have a type when it comes to pairings? the otp where its like. piece of shit + himbo = love. ex. krbk, catradora, jade/beck

Favorite setting/au? hm,,, truly i cannot pick one KGKSJNHKj but i really like college aus!! and modern aus!! and roommate aus!!

Explain the meaning of your favorite line of dialogue you've written as if someone hasn't read it in context. “He doesn’t know,” Katsuki says, softly. “My timer stopped and nothing happened. He’s not mine.”

the line is from what we deserve!! it's a soulmate au where your timer counts down to the moment that you meet your soulmate!! bakugou's timer ends at USJ when he and kirishima attack kurogiri at the same time (impulsive kings <33) but kirishima's timer doesn't end until kamino because that's when he accepts himself as bakugous soulmate!! unfortunately, when bakugous timer has reached 0, he turned to see that kirishima's was still ticking and therefore believes that kirishima isn't his soulmate.

this line just,, idk. it's really sad. bakugou is such an action-driven character? if something doesn't go his way he Makes it go his way. he's got this insanely volatile quirk and he's got impeccable control of it!! but his love for kirishima isn't something that he can change and he's not going to ruin kirishima's chance of finding his own soulmate because he loves him and wants him to be happy. i really wanted to focus on how resigned he is? and how unusual that is for a character like him.

Favorite trope/genre to write? again, secret relationship with relationship reveals <33 fluff in general is my wheelhouse!!!

A trope/genre you haven't written but think would be a fun challenge? idk if this counts?? have been working on some dead dove concepts!! its super different from what i normally write so its a cool challenge

The one trope/concept you'll never touch and why probably cheating/infidelity?? it just looks,,, super difficult to write well and i don't have enough of an interest in it to try it out

Which do you prefer to write: longer or shorter fics? shorter!! low attention span gang <3

Ideal length to read? 5-10k?

Ideal length to write? 4-8k!!

How long was the longest fic you've ever written? control fraek is around 28k i think?

Have you ever written an AU? yeah!! i've done restaurant au's, soulmate au's, pro hero aus, and fantasy aus (general, not the bnha fantasy ending)

What's your favorite AU trope? hm,, probably when two people in authority are in a secret relationship? ceo's/uni professors/etc etc

Have you ever written smut? yeah!! was. difficult tho

What's your comfort genre? (the one you fall on most in writing/reading) fluff,,, hurt/comfort,,, fix-it fics with happy endings <3

If you were to start writing in other fandoms, which would they be? maybe jjk?? the characters are really cool!!!! fr i might go back to my ever after high roots i love the characters and setting so Much its so fun!!! idec if no ones into it anymore!!!!!

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? i've had people say they saw the mention of buff hagakure and recognized it was me so. probably that skdjhnksjd

WRITING STYLE

How would you describe your style? i tend to use shorter sentences and pretty simple words i think? and i gravitate towards lighthearted concepts that allow for ensemble casts and humour!!

Describe your style in three words romcom but fanfic

Favorite words to use when writing? the word reverent!! fuckin love including it!!

Dialogue tags or no dialogue tags? (she said, he said, they said, etc) dialogue tags!!!

Favorite dialogue tag (other than said, if you use them) again idk if this counts but "they said softly" is unmatched

Long sentences vs short vs a mix short <33

What colors would you use to describe your writing? hm,,, depends on the fic i would say?? control fraek is dark green to me?? kinda like a forest at night yk?? scary but there's still life there. sugar cookies is yellow like early morning sunlight, when it rains is yellowy-orange like a caution sign. not gonna list all of them cause theres a lot its just. do u get it? the colours change based on the vibe of the fic.

What song or music genre would you use to describe your writing? think. i am constantly trying to emulate that moment at the end of wasteland baby when hozier goes "im in love/im in love with you."

What kind of metaphors do you rely on? religious metaphors my beloved <33 they're just so pretty!!! i also love comparing stuff to water for some reason?? like that ocean vuong quote thats like "what are you now?/water." it goes hard!!!

What's something you'd say is experimental in your writing at this time? definitely action!! i have,,, no idea how to write it so anything i do is really just me playing around and seeing what works and what doesn't

Do you prefer to write by hand or to type? i've tried both!! personally i prefer typing because it goes way faster but i will say that writing by hand lets me get words down when i'm going through writer's block

What is your preferred place to write (notebook, laptop, cellphone, etc.)? laptop!!

What app/apps do you use to write (word, notepad, etc.)? google docs skjdnkjh its fine on desktop but mobile is,,,,, disgusting

Do you keep a notebook or file/notes page in your phone/device for notes on your writing? ngl i just have everything organized in my drive?? one folder per fandom and then sub folders for ideas+hcs, unfinished wips, and finished fics. multichaps get sub sub folders so i can organize outlines and drafts

Do you listen to music to help you write? yeah!! playlists organized by fic vibe :D

Where do you usually go to write (bedroom, living room, etc.)? mostly in my bedroom??? but moving around to different stops helps too i think!!

How long does it usually take for you to write? again this depends on what i have going on irl, how attached i am to the idea, my mindset at the time, etc!! i am,, the least consistent person skjnhdkjh.

What's your favorite font to use when writing? times new roman my beloved

Other writing habits? sometimes i'll write in the dark?? bad for my eyes but for some reason it gets the words flowing

CONCEPTUALIZATION

How do you conceptualize your ideas? (See specific moments like they're a movie, writing specific lines in your head, don't know until you put the words on paper, etc.) i tend to get inspiration from movies, books, poems, or other fics!!! sometimes one line just makes me go oh,, i want to write something like that,,, and then it helps me create an idea that makes me feel the same way?? i did this with control fraek!!!! i wanted a scenario where bakugou was cold and calculating and i was like hm. to do that he’d have to be focusing on something important. and from there i was able to flesh out the rest of the idea.

Which comes first: the pairing or the plot? with krbk its always always the pairing,, i'll be sitting there like wow <33 i love them <33 what if one of them had amnesia <33 (which, yes, wip!!) otherwise it's usually the plot!! and i slot in characters that i feel make sense

Have you ever used a prompt? yeah!! used a prompt for wlw week 2020 and it was fun as hell

Do you write around the story around a specific scene you want to get to or do you start from a plot idea definitely the first!!!! i almost always write like,,, a super messy scene thats 90% dialogue, keep it in my head, and then write the entire fic around that one moment

Do you find that you include a projection of some part of yourself in the way you write a character? a lot of the time when i write love confessions or love in general i'll have one of the characters think or say that the other person makes their head quiet? and it's because that's what i feel whenever i'm in love?? a quiet mind. i project on characters yeah but i think most of the projection actually goes to the way that i write love

Do you research some of the things you write deeply, partially and kind of wing the rest, or play entirely by ear (in this case, go with whatever base knowledge of the subject you have)? most of the time if i do research it'll be about the setting (ex. the izakaya in to have and to hold) or if i'm having the characters interact with an object that they like. need to know how to use (me, in control fraek: google. hey google. does someone die if they get shot in the foot??? no???? awesome thank u <3)

Have you ever had an idea for a story and forgot about it? lmaoo yeah all the time i'll find like 500-2k words of concepts in my gdocs like i do. not remember this at all

Is there a trope you think you could be easily recognized by in your writing? probably krbk secret relationship lmao

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out better than expected? yeah!! i fully thought the action in control fraek would be awful but it turned out not bad??? which im happy with

Are there concepts you've tried that turned out worse than you expected? again, what we deserve, i personally think it would have worked out better if i'd paced it slower and drawn out the pining but i. do not feel like going back to fix it so its staying the way that it is. pining is so fucking hard to do AHHHH i get so tired with it!!! im like just date already!!!!

PROCESS

How do you come up with titles? in rare occasions (literally. all my multichaps for some reason) the title comes after writing like .5 words of the first chapter im like YES this is it!!!!! sometimes i write the whole thing and pick out one line that fits (what i did with come home to me) a lot of the time i just. steal from songs or poems that i like

What's your favorite emotion to cause on your readers? i like making people happy!!!! love when people comment saying they're cheered up

What's your favorite emotion to write? lovelovelovelovelovelove

Have you ever cried or felt any emotion while reading something you've written? never cried?? but sometimes i'll rereading my hurt/comfort fics 4. yk. comfort

Do you write in order or whatever comes to you? in order!! unless i have a scene that i Need to write and i'll quickly jot it down so that i don't forget

Usual way you procrastinate while writing? ...doing asks like this, making playlists, discord, watching netflix. what don't i do smh

Do you outline or free write? i am. so shit at outlines. i mostly free write and write lil notes for stuff that i wanna add later

Do you set word goals or scene goals (scenes you want to include)? yes!! like i said i'll write loose notes for scenes that i want to add later!! it gives me something to write towards :D

What do you consider when writing your scenes? what goes into making the atmosphere and mood you want? to set a scene i do two things? the first is like,, the five senses bc that always sets the scene really well and makes it feel Real. i'll visualize stuff in my head like its a movie and write out what i would want to tell the set designer?? if the lights are low, if the space is busy, if it's supposed to exude comfort or not.

for putting forward the character's mood one thing i've found that makes a difference is sentence length!! long sentences are good for making a character seem flustered and nervous or not really in control of their emotions? good for love confessions. short sentences are good for when the character is focused on something or short on time. good for fights!!

What's something you never considered to include in your writing that you can't leave out now? def buff hagakure,,,, once i thought of it i was like. if i don't include this at least once in every single fic how could i look at myself in the mirror!!!!!! how could i face anyone!!!!

How do you start a story? establishing a fact about the character or describing the setting! option a is one single thread of gold, option b is between lion and men

How do you end a story? either by tying it back to the beginning or doing like a funny kind of closing??? option a is sugar cookies, option b is a godless society

How do you get out of writer's block? change something!! move something!! i go from typing to handwriting, moving from my bedroom to my living room, switching wips to work on something else!! i do sprints as well?? give myself like fifteen minutes to write something and sometimes 200 words opens up the way for another 2k. sometimes i'll just delete like 500 words and start fresh

Do you edit? or do you toss your writing out there? i edit!!! i'll go over it myself then send it to one or two betas (bee my beloved <33)

How do you edit? do you use spellcheck, grammar checkers, etc? bee is my grammar checker bc he is So Good with grammar. i use grammarly as well for spellcheck stuff mostly?? sometimes my edit process is just like "am i tired of looking at this!! yes <3" and then i post it

PROGRESS

Do you usually like what you write? yeah!!! i post stuff that makes me happy and that i'm fine with rereading!!! i write stuff for self-indulgence reasons first and foremost and i think my writing reflects that sjhnksj

Have you ever written something you didn't like but posted anyways? nope!! even what we deserve i LIKED even if i see a lot of room 4 improvement!! if i don't like smth it's not getting posted

Do you find yourself rereading your writing often? yeah!! the reason i wrote so much krbk secret relationship is because i loved it but i'd read all that there was so i just,, wrote more,, ngl its kinda nice being in a place where i actually like my writing bc i can write stuff that i want to see and really enjoy it!!

Can you tell us anything about your current WIP? sure!! i'm currently working on when it rains which is a fic where bakugou gets hit by a crying quirk!! i'm gonna be using it to explore So Much of all might's character and his relationships with bakugou and aizawa (and i think some people from his past!!)

Can you give us a sneak peek on your current WIP? “You did something. What the hell did you do?” Kirishima sounds pissed off. It would amuse Katsuki if he wasn’t fighting just to stay standing.

“Nothing he didn’t ask for,” Shinsou replies.

“K’ri… shima,” Katsuki croaks out. “‘S fine. Not him.”

His chest collapses back into the familiar dry heaving after that but Kirishima shuts up. He doesn’t apologize to Shinsou.

Kirishima’s a good friend, stubborn and loyal. He stands by Katsuki’s side like an attack dog, blocking him from the view of anyone ogling at his tears.

The last line you've written Ochako knows more than she'd realized. She knows enough to keep her guard up.

It’s not enough.

Open a wip. what’s the first line?

Katsuki wakes up feeling like absolute fucking shit.

INSIGHT

What's your favorite thing about writing? touched on this before but it's mainly just being able to write the things that i want to see and actually enjoy them!!! actually reread them!!!! i thought "wouldn't it be cool if bkg and kirishima owned a restaurant together" and then i wrote it and i like it enough to reread it!!!! being able to create content for myself makes me. so happy

How do you keep yourself inspired? this is gonna sound narcissistic maybe but honestly i'm just really excited about my ideas and where i'm gonna take them and the idea of "i'm gonna get to That scene" keeps me going through the entire thing. also my friends!!!! i'll talk to them about fics and their reactions keep me hyped up enough to finish!!!!

What is your favorite thing to write? just,, slice of life romance,,, stuff thats silly and makes people laugh!!

What do you think your strengths are in writing? i'm good with dialogue!! i do lil voice acting sessions with myself to make sure everything sounds natural and like it's coming from that character skhjnskj

i'm comfortable with my portrayal of love as well??? i spend a lot of time thinking about what it is exactly that i'm trying to get across and i think it turns out well!!

What are things you wish you could practice more? on one hand i wanna get better at writing angst on the other hand i dislike writing angst. do you see my issue

One way you've improved your writing since you began? characterization!! i think i've gotten better at writing characters that are all Different and bring different things to the table!!! i used to project a lot more and it would compromise the characterization because the character was like 70% me and 30% them? not to say that projection is bad but if you do it too much it just,, doesn't read like the character and from a reader's standpoint the narrative can become less compelling

One aspect of writing you're still working on? writing action!!! i. literally hate writing it but i write for a fandom about superheroes so. Unfortunately i gotta learn.

A piece of writing advice you've learned while writing saw this on another tumblr post but they said sometimes if you're struggling with a scene, the problem is five lines back. i've found that to be true!!!! sometimes u gotta delete a chunk and start a little ways back!! i did this with too busy being yours because i was stuck for Weeks and i deleted like 25% of what i had but it helped me actually finish it :D

A bit of writing advice you can't stand when people shit on show don't tell for being overrated lmao bc when u read their writing you can Tell

Something you wish you knew when you first started writing? ,,,,honestly i kind of wish i could know some of the stuff that i used to when i first started writing?? technically i'm better now but creatively i was must better when i wasn't stressing about whether anyone would like what i was writing. so i guess i wish i knew that i should keep that confidence? i kinda wish that i wasn't as insecure about other people's writing styles because i never used to be!!

Something you've learned in life that you apply in writing there's no point in feeling inferior?? writing one genre isn't better than the other. being in one fandom isn't better than being in another. the kind of language you use or the length of your paragraphs- none of that stuff like. matters. what matters is that you're having fun and happy with what you're creating!!!! enjoy other peoples writing but don't let it make you feel worse about yours :D

[barbiebiddie]

hi!! sorry if this a bit of a weird question, but ive been getting into t&k and have been recently binging t&k content and theres so much out there! but im mostly getting “t&k lore” so to speak from yt comments and the like. and so far their dynamic seemed very straightforwardly platonic to me until watching old videos of unhhh and being like, did something happen? idk they seemed much more flirty and foward w the kisses and stuff then. i watched some of the old mtv livestream w alyssa and someone said that moment at x time when alyssa was trying to get them to kiss was so tense and awkward. and another one being like they made such a big deal of not touching that when they touch now is weird and im like??? and idk maybe its that they been working w eschother for such a long time the dynamics change and thats that but sometimes im like 👁️👁️. and wanted to know what the tumblr side thought?

oh hey!! first of all, welcome to the t&k cinematic universe <3

second of all, i dont speak for all of the tumblr stans and certainly not for all stans everywhere, so this is just my opinion!

(this got quite long, so my thoughts after the post break)

now, when we talk those two's dynamic, we gotta start from what i consider 'the beginning'. so, 2014 up to 2017-ish. back then? their energy was absolutely more romantic and their interactions were heavily based on flirting. now, was this just their organic chemistry shining through or was this played up for audiences to eat up?? nobody knows. hell! i dont think they know. these are the years and the interactions that i consider key to everything else that follows, it influences everything.

then, we have 2018. what happened in this time, i think, is partly responsible for their relationship changing and becoming what is it right now. this is when they realized, by no easy means, just how much they meant to each other and how deep their emotions ran. after that, their energy leveled out and their interactions softened out. as a defense mechanism for self-preservation of their own emotions? as a way to protect their extremely important friendship and their working relationship? i think a mixture of all of those. i dont think the energy that i mentioned is gone, i just think it gets channeled a lot more tamely now that they're in a more mature spot of their lives. (if you dont know what happened back in 2018, i wont try to explain in clumsy words, ill just redirect you to the source. i recommend trixie's documentary 'moving parts' as well as these podcasts x, x, x, x, x,)

now, we have 2019 up until now. i think this is where their 'platonic' era begins. it certainly can be seen that way, and they definitely want everyone to see it that way, e.g 'we're casual friends' 'we're business partners' (shoutout to trixie). BUT, i believe this is outweighed by the intimacy and closeness that they show in literally all aspects of their life. do i think they're romantically involved now? no. do i think the romantic undertones that they used to have has tinted their energy up until now? absolutely.

of course, this is just my opinion. if you want to draw your own conclusions, do it in a safely manner (so dont do it somewhere that t&k could see, like twt, cause thats not cool)

this got so long, so if you wanted a concise answer, im so sorry anon. but these are my thoughts! 😅

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hey idk if this counts but i just need someone to listen to me for a bit, maybe give some advice? I know this isnt much compared to other people's struggles, i just would appreciate an outsider's perspective as it is greatly affecting me, slowly but greatly nonetheless.

So i live with my mother and share a room with her because of reasons that arent fully relevant here. I also listen to long youtube essay videos to help me sleep because of some trauma from getting covid so bad I was afraid to sleep. Plus she and her dog snores.

I have some favorites from playlist, and play them often especially since they are at the top anyways. I make sure to turn them down alt so my mother can sleep without the videos disturbing her, however some of then can get a bit loud at a few key points. Not by much but enough to be heard a bit on her side of the room

In response to that i believe, she has been a variety of negative comments relating to said videos. Going so far to 'jokely' insult the creator of my favorite ones for making hour longs essays about old kid shows and being so into something like that and more.

I've brought this up to her multiple times as her making less then kind comments about things i enjoy is unfortunately nothing new. She says she's just joking but even if she is, i am autistic and very much not able to understand or pick up on most jokes, also either way i act similar to those creators with the only difference is i dont make/post my hours worth of essays as 5+ hour long videos.

I've been trying to explain to her how i feel but she often talks over me, i dont know how to approach this situation without seeming too aggressive or anything as my typical way of handling conflict is to be very direct and logical to a fault.

And while there are other rooms within this house i could sleep in, they both have their issues that make it extremely difficult to outright impossible with sacrificing my physical or mental health along with other risks that could be a whole separate ask.

Currently I've been listening to other videos to try and keep the peace but i know it probably wont last long. I am willing to make changes like I've already had but i believe the way i approach her about this comes off too strong for us to get anywhere with a discussion.

Basically, i wish to know any better ways to approach this situation as i know i tend to come off a bit cold and rude without meaning it in these types of situations. We both have alot of conflict related trauma and i would like to be respectful of it but given my difficulty with feelings and such makes it challenging.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what's been going on. Firstly I just want to say that this absolutely does count and you don't have to compare your struggles to that of others here, every struggle is equally valid and deserving of a response.

I wish that your mother respected you and your interests more, even if she doesn't personally like them. There are more effective and healthy ways for her to communicate. Your mom may not be receptive to an open conversation, but it may be worth a try.

As for recommendations on approaching a conversation with her, it might help to first choose a time when both you and your mother are calm and not tired. This will allow for a more constructive conversation and less chance of misunderstandings. Start the conversation by acknowledging your mother's concerns and expressing your gratitude for her allowing you to share a room with her. This will help to establish a positive tone and show that you are not trying to be confrontational.

Explain to your mother how important these videos are to you and how they help you sleep. Let her know that you understand that they may be a bit loud at times and that you are willing to adjust the volume or find other ways to make sure they don't disturb her sleep. Try to be as clear and concise as possible in your explanations. Use concrete examples to illustrate your points, and avoid using overly technical language or jargon that might confuse your mother.

If your mother interrupts or talks over you, calmly ask her to let you finish before responding. It's important that both of you have the opportunity to express your thoughts and feelings. Be willing to listen to your mother's concerns and try to see things from her perspective. This can help to defuse the situation and make it easier to find a solution that works for both of you.

If the conversation becomes too emotional or unproductive, it's okay to take a break and come back to it later. Sometimes it's necessary to give both parties some time to cool off before continuing the discussion. You can try saying something like, "I need a moment to process what we've talked about and collect my thoughts. Can we take a break from this conversation for a little bit and come back to it later when I'm feeling more clear-headed?" This communicates your need for a break in a respectful and clear way, and also lets your mom know that you're not trying to avoid the conversation entirely. It's important to take care of yourself and your emotional needs, especially in difficult conversations.

Remember, the goal of the conversation should be to find a solution that works for both you and your mother. By approaching the situation with an open mind and a willingness to listen and compromise, you can increase the chances of a positive outcome.

If anyone else has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[sumeshi-t]

when to shutcho bitchass up.

so i had this long ass reply as i was about to reblog a haikyuu writer’s response to a hate ask but i had to eat lunch, and my wifi’s acting up so it all got deleted. but anyway, after lurking in the shadows for god knows how long, i decided to speak up about this on-going issue of hate being poorly masked as “constructive criticism”. 

it doesn’t just happen on haikyuu blogs, like, every fandom has it. and it saddens me because i’ve seen the greatest blogs out here just vanish into thin air (or has gone on hiatus and never returned/archived the blog/deactivated) for getting hate that they absolutely do not deserve. nobody does. nobody needs that hate; not now not ever. most often than not, there are people who hide behind the anon feature in asks. but i guess some people lately have now learned how to own up to their own mistakes; and yes, everyone’s opinion is valid, is welcome to be entertained; however the way you word these things out also matters. it’s just like when someone writes something, you know? why do you get to complain, “your writing suckxz” when you can’t even write down why you think so? lol gtfo. people can interpret your words in however way they want, and that’s the one thing you cannot control. so at least, when you attempt to apologize for something you “didn’t mean to” or “was just a joke”, at least make it sound like you mean it. if you want your opinion to be taken seriously, learn how to say it with manners.

anyway, this post will be terribly long, probably longer than the shit i’ve ever written anywhere lmao. some of the things i’ll say here might come off as redundant but because the same thing happens over and over again, what else would you expect?

Exhibit A: “constructive criticism” does not mean, or shall never be equated to “hate”

if you go around tumblr, there are tons of posts which educate people how to properly write a critique, how to decently and reasonably critic someone’s work, whether it be in the form of writing, or digital art, etc. even if you type “constructive criticism” on that google search bar, tons of websites are going to tell you how to do it, so it really is unacceptable to use “it’s constructive criticism” as an excuse when all you’ve said is “your writing sucks”. literally, how can “constructive criticism” go from “you’re not even a good writer, why the hype?” to “you’re too positive, too fake, if you’re sad, show that you’re sad.” that ain’t it chief. constructive criticism is given to the works of a content creator, not directed at the content creator itself.

ever heard of the sandwich method? yeah, yummy and easy, right? basically it means, you start it off with the positive things about the content creator, then the negative ones in the middle, then reinforce them at the end. okay, i’ll repeat that here, let me break it down if that isn’t enough for cute little noggins to understand:

tell the content creator what made you hooked on their works in the first place. what made you indulge in all that deliciously free content, that has brought you to tears, to laughs, to orgasm. you don’t necessarily have to praise them, but acknowledge that you’re aware of what they’re doing and how it is, or how their progress is so far.

now here comes the critique part. this where the “however” and the “but” words come in, to transition from (for example) “your way with words is breathtaking” to “sometimes i feel they’re too much to digest all at once”. get it? pinpoint to the content creator just exactly what aspects in their current state do you wish they could improve on, or areas do you think they are lacking or weak, so to speak. be concise, be comprehensive, be nice.

lastly, my favorite part, is you give them tips or advice or just a fucking hint how you think they can achieve the things you said from #2. even if you know or assume that they’d understand your point, or “it’s their job to find it out by themselves”... well, a little input or jumpstart wouldn’t hurt, would it? so from the example, “your way with words is breathtaking” to “(however) sometimes i feel they’re too much to digest all at once” you end it with a, “i think or why don’t you try doing so, and this, and that,”

lemme go back to the “it’s their job to find it out by themselves” aha, news flash honey: this isn’t their job. it’s their way of enjoyment, their leisure, their free time that they use up just to bring out free content for lots of people like you to indulge in. most people come here, or on ao3, or basically anywhere where you can post your work, just for fun. you cannot be demanding, that’s why they have their rules and all, but i digress. content creators feed on feedback, and feedback alone. i hope you have an idea how something as simple as “asdflkjshdls” in the tags can bring a phat smile to a content creator’s face, what more, if it’s something coherent. just fucking keyboard smash is a boost to their confidence (trust me, it’s very fun knowing that how “asdfgjkl” i was when writing something, is the same as the “asdfgjkl” the readers had when reading)

this sandwich method thing doesn’t only apply to this certain situation. in fact, this is an effective means of communicating your point across to people in school, at work, and even in the comforts of your home. right? 

didn’t you feel bad when your teacher returned your paper to you and just said, “i gave you that grade just because” and nothing more? or when that classmate of yours said, “no, i don’t like this idea. think up of something else” for a project? didn’t you ever question them, “why, and on what basis?” 

how about, when your boss returned your report, only saying, “revise this” but what is “this”? sure, there are bosses who do this to try to teach their employees to find things out and find solutions on their own, but you cannot deny that some are just being disgustingly rude about it. 

how about at home you say? well... remember that time when your parents compared you to their friends’ children, or even compared you among your own siblings? or that time you were lashed out on? actually, you know, what, i’m sorry for bringing this up, as light as this was worded out, some people might get triggered simply from those two phrases i put out. however, i will address this issue next.

Exhibit B: you don’t know the people you are talking to, therefore you do not know what they are going through

you can’t say, “oh, you’re all just so sensitive” or “it’s just an opinion” when clearly, this (tw: depression, suicide, family issues, gender and sexuality, body positivity, etc) topics is/are sensitive to most content creators, to most people. some brush it off fine, and take a while to reach their boiling point, but not everyone’s like that. you can’t tell people how they should react to your random spewing of hate. each person has their own level of tolerance, so don’t go off and assume that everybody online is the same and grew from the same fucking tree. 

some or most people use writing/drawing/etc. as a means to cope with what shit life has thrown at them; and then you, being so stupidly ignorant, just waltz in and drop that bomb on what possibly, could be the only ray of sunlight they have in their life, especially now in this bleak year. 

receiving anon-hate or hate-asks should not be the norm. it is not and never will be okay. i thought you were here to critic their work, why even joke about something that could have been personal to someone? why even joke about these kinds of things in the first place? why even bring up something that might have been a personal issue when all you had to do was critic their work? 

my god, stop acting like a boomer already. tbh the audacity of some people here, idk. if you’re not going through anything at all, then may god/brahma/allah/whichever supreme being you believe in or whatever good karma it is, bless you. 

it’s not that one should sympathize, or, it isn’t also expected of people to full on empathize, but a little respect goes a long way. why don’t we try to put ourselves in the shoes of the person we’re about to send that hate-ask to. if not us, how about that close friend who’s easy to bring to tears, or mom, or cousin? wouldn’t it be aggravating? wouldn’t it be painful?

well... who am i to assume, i don’t even know you. get it?

just please, acknowledge that everyone here is human. they have emotions, they have their own thoughts, they have their own lives outside of the screen. how they choose to portray themselves here has nothing to do with you. how they choose to react to that hate ask doesn’t have to do with anything you should concern yourself with. 

LET PEOPLE ENJOY THINGS. LET PEOPLE LIVE THEIR LIFE THEIR OWN WAY, both virtual and in reality. 

i know this post won’t get too far, but i have had enough of seeing the nicest people, who just wanted to express their creativity and share the happiness and the fun, be put down just because of unnecessary hate. i hope those people who send those in never get to experience that, or if they have, i hope they understand that doing so to others isn’t going to change anything about themselves.

[kageyamarltsu]

ROTTMNT OCs

Okay first off, a bit of a preface: They’re a bit based off these guys from the 2003 tmnt

fyi tho, rottmnt is my first tmnt media, I actually never got into tmnt before then because it never really interested me (I only watched media with lots of girls when I was younger,) And while I do plan to watch the 2003 n 2012 ones eventually, I don’t know much about the other turtle universes ^^; sorry!

Next thing, I imagine them being sometime after the whole Shredder arc, and being like the turtles next main foe. They’re created by Baron Draxum of course, and they’re around the same age as the rest of the turtles. Major difference is that they’re essentially “””raised””” by Draxum-- not actually, as he doesn’t regard them as his children, and doesn’t give them names, they’re called by their numbers; he’s a bad parent. He treats them like soldiers, and since they only know that sort of lifestyle, they just go with it.

They all each mirror their respective turtle, in both personality and body type/character design shape.

Second preface: they are all girls.

‘Why?’ you may ask. Simple, I love girls, and you can’t go wrong with more girls in your show! Also, goes with them being raised soldiers and having higher and stricter standards held by Baron Draxum as a sort of metaphor for how girls are raised to higher standards at a young age and don’t get to act like teens as much. (Though one of the major plot points with them is them learning to act like teenagers and have fun, through both the turtle crew and April)

Now to finally introduce them.

#1 Mirrors: Leo

I’m imaging her more-so mirroring (from my little knowledge of) past iterations of Leo. Where she’s the oldest of her sisters, has a lot of responsibilities to uphold, and is the leader of her sisters. She’s the only one of her sisters who actually looks like a turtles (I’m still deciding if the others look somewhat similar to a turtle-- like with having shells-- or are completely different animals). I’m still deciding though if I want her to be a red-eared slider like Leon, or a different turtle breed from all the main boys entirely.

She’s considered Draxum’s favorite due to her being the envisioned soldier he wanted. She follows orders clearly and concisely, is one of the strongest of her sisters. Although Draxum expects her to be cutthroat, when she actually doesn’t like the idea of being murderous. She attacks hard and strong, but she doesn’t wanna kill anyone! She’s incredibly protective of her younger sisters, and would do anything to make sure they’re safe (even if they may not do the same for her)!

Also since she’s Draxum’s favorite, he let’s her use his like seed things he uses to to make those purple vines. She uses those similar to him, but mostly to make twin swords (another relation to Leo!), and she can combine them hilt-to-hilt to make one bigger sword that she can spin around n stuff. She can also use them to make other weapons or used for other purposes if she wants to, but she prefers the swords.

Doesn’t immediately bond with Leo at first, because she’s emo and angsty. But when she grows a bit, she joins in on memeing with him. She also likes puns, and makes them a lot too! (Even in the beginning)

#2 Mirrors: Donnie

Like science nerd baby Donatello, she’s the brains of her group. Major difference is while Donnie has his *Leo voice* Emotionless Passion™, #2 is passionately emotionless! She’s like feral and just always hyped about things, but has zero morals in an evil way. I know a lot of people like to poke at the idea of Donnie going to ~the dark side~ but I never think he would, he’s still a good boy at heart. #2 however has been raised to be evil, so...

She’s part chameleon, so she has cloaking abilities, and makes tech to work with it. She probably has similar tech to Donnie, but instead her main weapon would be like a naginata (that can change and stuff like the tech-bo).

She’s Draxum’s next favorite, because she makes him new weapons.

She likes to hang out with Donnie a lot, and actually does even when their both enemies, and the exchange ideas and designs for new tech. For the ~~~science~~~ Thing is she’ll sometimes suggest something that’s even a bit too much for him.

#3 Mirrors: Mikey

She’s similar to Mikey where she’s really cute and (appears to be) the smallest of the four. However, since she’s actually a middle child, and not the youngest, so she’s a bit more feral compared to Mikey, as well as more deadly! She’s quite free-spirited, and is able to be since Draxum cares more about the older two.

She’s part poisonous frog! Thinking something like either the harlequin poison frog or the golden poison dart frog black legged dart frog! She crouches a lot, so she looks like shes the shortest, but when she actually stands up tall, she’s the tallest and is really lanky. She’s still got a mostly circle character shape to her though.

Her main weapon is her skin being deadly to touch, so she fights mostly with her fists. She may get an actual weapon, but I’m still thinking it through (I’m thinking something with a long chain to mirror Mikey's weapon, pfft). She can jump really high and far like a frog, as well as, crawl on walls and maybe ceilings idk how frogs work very well. She’s quite deadly and fast when she wants to be.

Both her and Mikey like art! They have funsies, and Donnie n #2 both eventually make some sort of tech where her skin isn't as super poisonous anymore, and her n Mikey can play more.

#4 Mirrors: Raph

She’s baby! She’s super big and hulking like Raph, but she’s the youngest of them, so instead of being the type to lunge in headfirst and think later like Raph, she’s a bit more level-headed because she has lower expectations with Draxum focusing on mostly #1 and #2. She’s similar to Raph in being a big softie, and incredibly lovable of course!

I’m not still finalized on her species yet, but She’s part komodo dragon! Quite big and deadly if she wants to be (but she never really does, she mostly would only be so when following orders). She has a large tail that she can use to sweep at enemies.

And similar again to Raph, her main weapon are her brawns. Thinking something similar to brass knuckles or blades coming from her hands (I don’t know a lot about ninja/shinobi weapons, but I do know they have stuff like that).

Her big sisters are very much protective of her. Mostly emotionally, not physically, because they know she can defend herself.

Her and Raph both like plushies, talking about their siblings, and training with each other to hone their own abilities/strengths!

Major character development with them, is spending time with April and learning teenager things (probably eventually getting phones through her help), she also gives them names (I personally headcanon April gave the turtle boys their names, considering Splinter tends to call them by their colors), and while #1 is the first to initially protest it--  with the others being on board with it-- she eventually gives into it, and it helps all four of them become more of their own selves. I haven’t decided what names yet, because I don’t know a lot of Renaissance artists, sorry ^^; this is also why I refer to them by their numbers in the entire post too...

Another scenario is they kidnap Leon and Donnie, #1 and #2 go disguised as them (because #1 looks most similar to Leon, and #2 has a similar body type to Donnie, and just has to add a few things and use her cloaking to look like him), and they use this to infiltrate the turtle lair. There, #2 tries to survey everything, and studies a lot of Donnie's things. #1 has a heart to heart with Mikey over her self-esteem/high expectations issues. (She also becomes protective, like over her sisters, over Mikey because of this).

Another scenario that can really be a part of anything, is a situation where they have the turtles down, and Draxum wants #1 to finish them off. While the others are whatever about it--possibly #2 n #3 excited about it (mostly because they don’t have as much of a good sense of morality yet, except for maybe #4)-- #1 is very hesitant about it, and eventually tries to sneakily let them go. Leo's the first of the turtles to catch on that she let them go and that the Draxum soldiers are likely not pure evil or unredeemable; which eventually leads to wanting to help them escape Draxum.

They also eventually do become friends/siblings with the turtles, and either Draxum becomes a good dad or they ditch him. Though this is more-so an end-of-arc situation where then they’d might eventually leave NY and go somewhere else to fight evil yokai, and like sometimes visit the turtles and April for funsies.

[everythinghurtsanditsnotokay]

So my fiance's grandmother is one of the best people on the planet. She was a teacher for a long time (hsd just retired when I met her) and actually helped several students out of abusuve situation.

I was talking to her about this and that and hoing over wedding plans, when i watched a videos of my nephews getting haircuts. Before I knew it I was crying over how much I missed them. Their mom is seperated from my older brother who is abusive. My parents babysit my nephews while my brother & sis-n-law are working. (Luckily they are in school now.) I don't want to be like my mom and tell them why they can't tell grandma about me and they can't fb message me because I never know when my mom could access it.

Her voice is extremely triggering for me, if i hear it on a vid of my nephews. If my phone rings with her area code i freeze, even though there is no way for her to get my number. Especially nearing my wedding the triggers are worse. I wouldn't be able to visit until i can get into a therapist for CBT, because I have the constant fear of running in to her.

I have a huge fear of confrontation, I was managing it well, for a while. But the longer I put off confrontation, the worse the anxiety and almost paralysis gets.

And the worse the IBS-C & Fibro get.

And i got off the topic of what i came to talk about. Fuck.

Basically, I'm going to have to quit my job before the stress kills me, and I have like 12 hardcover books at my desk that will need to be picked up and like Idfk I've never quit a huge corporation esp while coming off of short term dissability. (Fuck my dr for not sending anything or answering my calls.)

Also another reason my ptsd is getting worse is I can hear my mom telling me im lazy worthless never going to amount to anything stop feeling sorry for yourself theres nothing wrong with you, if you feel good enough to watch tv youre fine going to work.

Oh i finally remembered the point of this, Fiance's"s grandma mentioned that I wasn't like this before (the wedding planning.) I had to explain that i was i just covered it well because i didnt have the time or luxury to have a mental breakdown, but you can only borrow spoons from the future for so long.

Idk it's 1:30, i barely slept last night due to a vertigo migraine and yhe night before my ibs flared painfully.

My supervisor is really caring. I tested yesterday night and basically explained that i think i need to quit for my health and her response was to come in and talk to the nurse. So now im stressed because one part of me is screaming WHY BOTHER REPLYING IF YOURE NOT GOING TO READ and the other is like how do i calmly explain that i need to quit but i do not know the process and its making my anxiety worse andkdtfidtcy

It's too damn hard to find a gif that properly conveys I NEED CLEAR SND CONCISE INSTRUCTION OR I CANNOT PROCEED.

Hoftcigcyocitcitctsodt8ft

Keyboard smashing is not nearly as cathartic on mobile.

[sparkledragons]

This is unedited and small but I got really wrapped up in the idea of a monster au, which lead to fae twins, which lead to an amnesty au, which lead to this so enjoy I guess? Idk if I’ll ever continue this:

The human child followed the mushroom trail Taako left dutifully, not with the curiosity typical of those who follow, but with more of a resigned determination. It was fascinating. Best as Mama tried the human residents of Kepler definitely knew something was weird about these woods. Most were more cautious. Not this kid, though.

Taako ended the trail with a good old fairy ring. Nothing like the classics. He expected the human to just wonder on in, he didn’t seem to know quite what a trail of mushrooms in the forest indicated if he was so willing to follow them. Of course Taako didn’t put a charm on the circle as would be usual. The kid wouldn’t face any repercussions if he did bumble his way in, but that wasn’t the point.

He didn’t enter the ring. Stopped right at the edge and looked around as if he expected something. Taako resigned himself to sit and watch from the edge of the trees in the small clearing, a bit of fae magic never hurt to keep himself hidden either. The human circled the ring of mushrooms a few times, glancing into the forest as he did. He paused momentarily when he looked where Taako was and for a second he thought he’d seen him somehow. The kid moved on, though, until he’d reached where he started. He looked frustrated and Taako was getting bored.

"It's dangerous to wander the woods alone. What's your name, pumpkin?" The kid nearly jumped out of his pants when Taako spoke up. He whipped around to face him, face surprisingly calm. Taako put on his best human-esk smile and tilted his head in what he hoped read as curiosity. It'd been a while since he'd interacted with a human who didn't know what he was.

"With all due respect, Sir. I'm no chump. The first rule of interacting with the fae is not to give them your name." The boy looked up at him with an almost smug expression and pushed up his dorky, round glasses. That... was not the response Taako was expecting.

~~~~~

Angus knew he was facing a fairy as soon as the man? creature? made himself known. He carried himself in a way that was distinctly nonhuman and his smile… well it was frankly a bit too cheshire to be real. Wrap that up with he appeared at the end of a mushroom trail, next to a fairy ring and it wasn’t hard to piece together.

“You are fae, right sir?”

The creature before him shifted his gaze around, before going back to fixating on Angus. Angus didn’t flinch as it’s eyes shifted to deep purple voids and it’s teeth grew sharper than any natural creature’s. “That answer you question, kiddo?”

Angus hummed a confirmation, he didn’t want this thing to see how scared he was.

“You haven’t answered my question yet,” the fea said, bending down to be at eye level with Agnus.

“I’m sorry but I don’t plan to give my name out yet,” Angus said. “But if you have other questions I’d be happy to comply.”

The fea hummed. “What’r you doing this far in the forest? Kepler’s a few miles back that way.” He points in the direction behind Angus.

“I’m just-uh-exploring,” Angus says. That’s a believable lie he thinks.

The fairy sighs. “I hate when you humans do that.”

“Um. What, sir?”

“Lie. If you answer my question I’ll let you ask another one. Fun little game we can play.”

Angus isn’t dumb. He knows playing games with fae is a death wish, but he wasn’t even sure they existed until just now so what was the harm. He wanted to find one, and he did. If this is how this game is gonna be played he’ll go along.

“Fine. I was looking for fae.”

“Mmm. Did pretty well on that account, huh, pumpkin?” The fae crouched down and let itself drop to sit on the forest floor. It’s grin was a bit more intimidating now that it’s mouth was full of needlepoint teeth. “Got a question for me?”

“Do /you/ have a name?”

“Well that’s just not fair, is it?”

“I’ll tell you my name when I feel ready to. I promise.”

The fae gave Angus a look with narrowed eyes. His grin widened ever so slightly. Shit. Agnus just made a promise to a fairy.

“Alright, bubalah,” the creature said. “It’s a deal.” Shit. “I’m Taako. My turn to ask something, right?”

“That sounds correct, Sir.”

“Why were you looking for the fae?”

Agnus figured that was a pretty reasonable question, though he didn’t have much interest in answering.

“I’m… trying to get somewhere,” he had to phrase this right, “new.”

The fae, Taako?, gave him a look that seemed almost untrusting. “You know what fae do when they take people, right kiddo?”

“Sorry, Sir, but I do believe it’s my turn to ask a question,” Angus said, possibly pushing his luck. He was pretty sure fairies kept to their deals but he could never be sure.

Taako gave him a bored expression and gestured for him to go ahead.

“Why haven’t you taken me yet?”

This seemed to take the fairy aback a little. He gave Angus a curious look, like he was trying to figure out his motives. Angus kept his face even. He wasn’t gonna give this fae anything, he knew what to look for so he knew what to hide.

“You’re not a very good liar.” Taako made a face. “Even for a human, you know?” He sighed a bit and scratched his chin with fingers far too long to be normal. “I guess I don’t really feel like it. Also I’ve got some deals with some people not to take anyone around here so you got that working for you.” The fairy waved his hand around as if it were perfectly normal for a fae to not want to take people.

It was really quite strange, and wasn’t his goal here to get taken eventually anyways. Taako had a look in his… eyes? that Angus felt was trustworthy. Or, as trustworthy as any fae could get.

“Angus McDonald,” he said plainly, as if he wasn’t just signing away his life to an eldritch, probably ancient, evil creature.

Taako instantly perked up at Angus’s name. His mouth spit into a wide grin full of horribly sharp fangs. “Do you want to come with me, Angus McDonald?” His tone had changed. Rather than the lilting drawl he had before, it now had undertones of something dark and powerful. Angus’s skin prickled at the raw magic coursing over him as the creature spoke his name. He wanted so desperately to say yes to this thing, but it was strange. He felt like he could say no if he wanted to and leave unharmed. This wasn’t quite what he expected.

Angus gave into the pull. “Yes.”

He looked into the dark voids that were the fairy’s eyes and felt it absorbing his conciseness. His eyes glossed over and he lost his train of thought.

~~~~~

Taako watched the kid, Angus, as his power took over. He’d left room for him to say no. He knows this kid could have denied his offer if he’d wanted to, but watching his eyes unfocus and his posture slump still made Taako feel a little bad. Fae magic was a hell of a drug.

He took Angus’s hand and lead him deeper into the woods. Lup is gonna fucking kill me, he thought, looking down at the small boy following him blindly and without thought.

What ever he was running from, he’d be safe now. He’d be safe at the lodge.

[clumsyclifford]

(2/6) onto my playlist review: first of all thank you 😊 and no i'm very attached to being called fiancee 🙈 i'm in the mood to discuss music with you in detail again so have fun 😅 (this got long my apologies) maybe - these lyrics hurt my feelings. i feel called out but the song is very beautiful and lewis capaldi's voice is so so niice. i found a girl - i vibe with it a lot though i'm a bit wary about the friendzone-y vibe of the lyrics but it's catchy as fuck.

(3/6) catastrophize - so amazing. but like has noah kahan written a bad song? i don't think so. apropos noah kahan i think i might be in love with him bc i watched the music video for mess and like. yes. that's what a music video should be 🙈 happy - I JUST WANT TO BE FUCKING HAPPY. i feel that song so much julia michaels truly has a way with words.

(4/6) everyday life - again love the lyrics sooo much. look what god gave her - what a bop. this song makes me like ridiculously happy? also i don't get the hate country music gets like i personally don't listen to it but that's only bc i'm not really exposed to it. lonely girl - also a bop. gotta love a kind of aggressive break up vibe. edge of tonight - i cannot put my love for this song into words. might just be my favourite of future hearts (okay no not favourite but top 3 bc i can't choose)

(5/6) and bc i love your recs i listened to the songs from the tags as well: lucy - a vibe. did not expect to like it when it started but turns out i like it a lot actually. living on love - only one i don't really vibe with it's a bit too much for me, sorry ajr (great lyrical content as usual though) i believe you - i can't really deal with this song. i love that it exists but i couldn't listen to it all the way through once i paid attention to the lyrics.

(6/6) are there other songs you can recommend by fletcher though? bc it really did sound lovely. life changes - ADORABLE. love the kind of story vibe? also life goals. i could use a love song - same. biiiig same. come hang out - really dig that one. oh especially like the little clicks at the end -fiancee

RIGHT i am gonna put my answers under the cut because i have Things to Say but this is long

u know what that’s fair enough about i found a girl i just think the song does a decent job of taking responsibility and him being like “it’s on me, i’m the one who assumed something that wasn’t there” like in the bridge he’s like “i can’t believe that i just think like a man” like yeah buddy you did but at least you own it!!! so that’s why it doesn’t really bother me about the song but i totally get what u mean

KHJSDFKLGMKDFGJ correct noah kahan has never written or made a bad song in his life <3 GKJFKGMFLKJ FAIR ENOUGH that’s the one w the dogs right...........points made. points indeed. have you seen the false confidence video? i like that one

bro happy just FUCKING hits different. like?? julia michaels really does have a way w words like somehow she always manages to concisely phrase very specific thoughts and feelings. and like saying “i just wanna be fucking happy” ??? i just feel like nobody else in the world would have written it that way. and it’s like. it’s so real. “sometimes i think i kill relationships for art” LIKE HELLO HOLY SHIT ??!?!?!?!!?!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!

mate ive had my ups and downs w country music but have ultimately decided it has some GOOD stuff in there. starting point i recommend thomas rhett (new album is called center point road it is lovely but the one that life changes is from is also good can’t remember the name atm) also side note i shuffled my music today and look what god gave her was the first song that played <3 love that for us <3 it’s just so good like thomas rhett is chugging that loves-his-wife juice all day every day

re: lonely girl that whole album is !!! really good !!! i know i just rec’d a fuckton of shit to you so i shouldn’t keep giving you stuff but i have to just say that from that album (which is called the other side), my favorites are say please, you don’t owe me anything, hell and back, and come home. oh and the other side (the song). okay it’s a really good album what can i say. plus bonus for female-fronted pop punk band

that is honestly fair enough the energy of edge of tonight is really. it’s. yeah. i get it. like i get it. 

babe omg u are amazing <3 yeah simple creatures is alex gaskarth’s side project (with mark hoppus!) when they took that year off from all time low and it is self-described by them as “trash pop” but i absolutely live for it. fair enough about ajr that one hurts but i respect your taste especially since you’re so amenable to literally everything else i listen to. however MAYBE you would like dear winter since it doesn’t have the Really Produced vibe of literally every other ajr song. and maybe turning out too BUT IM NOT RECCING YOU MORE AJR SINCE YOU JUST SAID YOU DONT VIBE

ok true maybe i should have given you a warning w that one sorry love <3 but YES i will happily rec more fletcher how about strangers, princess, if you’re gonna lie, you should talk. i really really REALLY am in love w fletcher i listened to her because she was gonna be opening for niall when i saw him (along w lewis capaldi!! like what a fucking trio !!!! but anyway) and i am very sad that i won’t be seeing her anymore but she’s got some TUNES i tell ya

OKAY!!! i loveeee life changes so much seriously the lyrical fucking brilliance......idk what thomas rhett is on but i want some. hes SO good. i could use a love song reminds me of my sister which is like 70% of why it’s so close to my heart but it is a lovely song tbf. and. you LIKED come hang out !!! oh god refraining from telling you to listen to the entire album the click because im. im not gonna do that. but oh my god do i love ajr

anyway.........it really means a lot to me that you actually listened to all the songs and ??? thought about them ???? and TOLD ME YOUR THOUGHTS ???? like have i mentioned lately how much i adore you because i don’t think you understand. like. sharing music w someone, recommending music is such a, like, i dont know. it feels really intimate to me? and sometimes people will just not pay attention when u play em a song and that sucks so anyway not to get all sappy on you i just feel really strongly about the emotion of sharing music and the fact that you take the time to listen every time i recommend things, and tell me your thoughts about them. yeah. love you a whole lot.

[garden-ghoul]

chemiosmotic replied to your post: I can’t wait until I’ve internalized the...

children of hurin arc?

omg juniper I didn’t know you were silm. WELCOME. I’m going to eat you.

1. gogol said something like “morwen gave her beautiful children her extremely bad sense of direction” and this is the first thing that comes to mind. everyone does an awful lot of wandering in CoH, and it’s really endearing if this is because they straight up do  not understand where they are most of the time. although in turin’s case he would have been wandering anyway because he is what we call spiritually lost. that’s another one of his 17 names, probably. I don’t have anything deep to say about this I’m still loading silm info and it takes a long time bc there’s like 100 MB of it

2. on the subject of being spiritually lost, let’s look at turin and nienor’s narrative penchant for going catatonic and needing to be dragged somewhere! this happens to turin after he kills his bf by accident, and I think he recovers by going to a magic lake. it happens to nienor after glaurung gets at her and she runs to exhaustion and collapses on finduilas’ grave (obviously empty, she faked her death and became gil-galad). these siblings very much are afflicted by morgoth’s curse for their whole lives--while they’re outside of doriath, at any rate, which would be why nothing ultra terrible happens when they respectively live there--and that curse manifests in maybe some really specific ways! or the psychological response to the curse. a terrible thing happens to turin, he pretends to be a clean slate in response as soon as he gets away. to some extent I think he probably wipes his own mind clean each time--right, The Traumas. nienor has her mind wiped too, some by glaurung and some by trauma. it’s kind of a reflection of what turin keeps doing to run away from the past, maybe like an ironic punishment morgoth is using to show why running away from your past can turn out to be a moronic idea. though idk to what extent glaurung is directly under morgoth’s control. I think there may be some communication there.

3. uhhhhhhhhhh something something turin psychology hopelessness of fighting morgoth... listen if you are personally cursed by morgoth I think fighting against him is a lot more weird and pointless. there’s a strong sense in CoH, in this dreamlike way, of running as hard as you can only to stay still. you can’t win against morgoth! one, he’s everywhere, right. he has five thousand arms. two, you can’t really do any significant damage to him, even if you find yourself sort of in command of nargothrond’s armies! there will always be something stopping you--the king’s caution, the size of your forces, getting hypnotized by a dragon... this is another one of those dream things, where you have a specific list of things you need to do to overcome an obstacle but every time you finish one it turns out the next one has split into terrible sub-tasks that you now have to do and it turns into a zeno’s paradox thing. I think the whole of CoH feels just like a horrible dream that takes decades to play out. the senselessness of it... the part where hurin finds morwen at last only to watch her die, that has the same sense of total pointlessness given meaning upon waking.

I’m sooo sorry about how rambly this is, I also haven’t loaded my conciseness module yet o_o;’’

[okakebi]

sorry if this is weird but i ??? love your blog ??? a long time ago i had a moro blog and honestly it was the most fun i had on this website. i also used to write lily rammsteiner but quit bc when i had my blog the dogs fandom was dead af but it makes me happy to see that you have a heine blog too ! pls don't ever leave tumblr, you're amazing

this is weird in that … i would never have expected anything like this ?? i deeply appreciate your concern , and i feel like i’ve spent a whole week (if not longer) thinking about just how i wanted to respond to this and how i feel . 

i just want to start off by saying that this message means a LOT to me . i haven’t had many meaningful connections with people on this platform in a while and it’s nice to see that there may be someone around that does care about my writing and the material i’ve been working on . i had a lot of close friends on my lelouch blog YEARS ago that i could just meme the fuck out of and honestly that was the most fun i think i’ve ever had on this site . there are lots of amazing people here that i’m sure i’d click well with , but i don’t really want to try and make friends at this stage in my life where i’ve just graduated college and went through a major breakup . i’m doing my best to keep in touch with the friends i’ve had for years and perhaps neglected in real life because of my relationship and the amount of time i put into this site . 

this will just go stream of consciousness , i guess . i like to have everything as concise and as organized as possible , but i don’t really feel like doing that now . i guess i can say for sure that i’m tired of the hyper sensitivity that has come up over the past few years . i am so scared of making ANY kinds of jokes or making ANY kinds of statements that might be risky because i’m so worried about these kinds of things popping up in callouts on me . i don’t think it’s unrealistic to fear getting called out , considering it happened to me before on a different platform when i confronted and got into a fight with a popular roleplayer over his TERRIBLE behavior . i am ALL for awareness , and for the fight towards a future of equality and freedom of expression , but it’s fucking hard for me to manage every little thing i say and post . i don’t consider myself racist or homophobic or anything AT ALL , but i recognize that i am flawed and may make mistakes and i want people to come to me personally when i fuck up , not create drama . 

i know that callouts aren’t on everyone’s minds at all time , and that a lot of the time they are a necessary evil . but i feel like sometimes callout culture brings out an abuse of power , as i’m sure people are a lot more likely to bandwagon on a callout rather than consider the other side and the possibility that this is an overreaction to personal discourse . 

there is also just such a strong need to be on top of all the roleplaying trends , be it pop up links or fancy sub text that i can barely read , or detailed icons that i just don’t have the time to learn to make . but someone did point out to me that this is all personal preference , and i do recognize that while i would probably greatly diminish the pool of people that would be interested in me and my content , i can more or less do whatever i want in this aspect . what i’m referring to more is just the constant waves of rules that come up and you have to admit that sometimes it just gets way out of hand . i fuck up , you fuck up , i read all the rules of the people i follow , but how the fuck am i supposed to remember the rules of 300-400+ people on every blog i have whenever i post anything ?? i feel so much pressure to be good , be in this box of expectations , and if i step out of line just a little bit then all of a sudden i’m satan and i deserve to be banished . does this sound like the real world , which a lot of us are trying to get away from by being on here ? maybe this is the anxiety talking , who fucking knows but i know i am not alone in feeling this way . obviously i’m not referring to the desire of freedom of expression in terms of morally corrupt topics like some of the sick shit people come up with . 

speaking of gray morality on tumblr , i still don’t understand why people condone mindless serial killer characters when r*pists aren’t okay . i understand having interest in murderers with motives and grand plans , but why are people that take the lives of others all good and encouraged when other types of criminals are not allowed ???? i don’t have answers for this , i don’t think anyone does , in fact . i have written my fair share of characters that intentionally take the lives of others (lelouch , makishima shougo , takasugi , zero two , fuck even san has killed people) , and why is this seen as cool when murder is a fucking terrible thing to do ? 

and then there are just a lot of things with race on tumblr i just don’t even want to get into ESPECIALLY as a korean woman who grew up in the states . a lot of the arguments i see over minorities that come up just don’t even make sense to me . like no one can tell me why real life korean fc’s on japanese characters are banned when we’re allowed to use japanese anime characters as fc’s for korean characters . also if it isn’t okay to mix up asian ethnicities like this , i don’t think it should be okay to mix up white or black or ANY type of broader ethnic group . if anything i feel like this rule of not using korean fc’s for japanese characters was created because asians are practically fetishized on this site and people are like !!! gotta look out for our precious asians !!! seeing this weird rule applied only on asians make me feel like we’re a lesser group of people compared to others because we need the special help or something . idk . 

i recognize i’m just going off at this point . i’m asking questions no one has the answers to , and it’s okay that no one can really come up with proper responses when i bring these things up . what i have a problem with is the discomfort i find myself in when i think about these things , and how i’m scared to mention these things  even though they’re often on my mind . i want people to challenge me , to TALK to me about these topics . what i don’t want are witch hunts , or drama , or a lot of the behavior i’ve been seeing . i’m sorry to say that i’m probably done with tumblr for good , and if i do continue writing somewhere on the internet it definitely won’t be here . 

[deadtower]

hello there ! so, as someone whose planning to write a novel in the future and is in the development of said novel - i realized that i wanted to create more characters that were diverse in more than just race so i wanted to make a jewish ( actually, two ) characters who are apart of the main cast but the issue is, i'm not jewish myself. so i was wondering, if it is no problem to you, if you could tell me some things about what it's like to be jewish ? some daily things you do and the sort ?

sorry for the late response anon !! i usually sleep kinda late on days im not in school LOL

also this response got a little long bc im terrible at being brief but dont worry i do answer ur question after i meander all around LMAO

the thing is, you have to figure out how closely you want them tied to their jewishness. for instance, my family has heavy connections to judaism, but i am not (at the moment) a practicing jew because i have a complicated relationship with religion at the moment. i’m a secular Jew, because i dont go to synagogue or anything. but i still observe jewish holidays -- when possible, i have seders with friends or family, i light a hanukkiah for hanukkah, i make some of the traditional foods when i can (i.e. hamantaschen, charoset, etc.), and i try to learn more about my jewish roots. so if you have a character who is a secular jew, you don’t need to worry much about making anything ‘obvious’. maybe a quick reference to one of the jewish holy days? such as, idk, a character being like “hey, let’s get together on sunday” and one of your jewish characters being like “oh man, i can’t, purim is sunday” or something like that. in my experience, at least, being a secular jew isn’t much different from being a christian who doesn’t spend a lot of time witnessing -- ‘secular’ christians just go to church every sunday and try to lead by example, that sort of thing.

if you want them to be any more jewish than that, i’m not the person to ask. @noctisluciz is a good person to ask since they know a lot more than me about that sort of thing.

i also think how jewish a person’s experience is can also depend on their family. if someone lives with non-jewish roommates (like me), they’ll probably just practice quietly and out of the way unless they’re really devoted. so you won’t hear much about it other than a joke or one-off here and there. if they live with a jewish family (whether it’s theirs or someone else’s) it’s much more likely that holidays will be an Event, that traditions will be more upheld, etc. in my education i’ve always been taught that judaism places importance on community --- on family, on friends, on fellow jews. we have been through a lot together, after all !!

so --- first, you should decide whether you want your characters to be secular jews, practicing jews, (and of those, are they ashkenazi or sephardic, etc.) orthodox jews, hasidic jews, etc. (hasidic/orthodox jews, to my knowledge, live in communities of the same for the most part, so it’s unlikely that your everyday teen is going to belong to them, though possible.) then, you’re going to have to find some people who are of that group and ask around to see how frequently they observe their religion / if they do at all. cross-reference, find out what jewish people actually do in everyday life, DON’T MAKE IT CORNY. ya know? like we don’t all wear yarmulke every day (that would be the more orthodox --- though it is used at synagogue iirc and at seders and there’s usually spare ones in store for non-Jews or those who forget theirs), we don’t ... idfk, sing the dreidel song every day or WHATEVER, as a secular Jew i just live my life, celebrate jewish holidays, and go on with my day.

SO BASICALLY TL;DR BECAUSE I DONT KNOW HOW TO BE CONCISE

- as a secular Jew you pretty much can’t tell i’m jewish until i say something like “oh shit, rosh hashanah is next week, i need to buy apples and honey”- i’m aware of jewish traditions (i.e. days start at sunset, plurals of nouns in hebrew end in -im, not -s) bc i see them repeated over and over and have kind of educated myself- i’m very proud of my jewish heritage but it only shows when i have the ability to talk about it- i buy shit that says kosher as kind of a default even though im not required to kind of like how you’ll grab the brand name stuff off the shelf if youre not hurting for money without really having a reason- i think it’d be cool to go to synagogue and hebrew school and all but i havent gone and am kind of a weenie so i wanna go with a jewish friend who’s been going for a while- basically the only time you know i’m jewish is when it comes up in conversation- i refer to myself as a Jew bc i am jewish but other people referring to me as a Jew makes me uncomfortable, be careful with that one, best not to have ur non-Jew characters refer to the jewish characters as Jews- just write your characters with the understanding that if they’re secular jews their ‘default’ is probably going to be hardwired to be hanukkah instead of christmas, passover instead of easter, etc. and they’re obviously going to be upset at antisemitic acts and portrayals and have more awareness of said antisemitic acts and portrayals even if their goyische friends don’t realize that an act or portrayal is antisemitic (since we deal with antisemitism a LOT even from our friends)- i say “goyim” and shake my head like four times a day bc y’all are wild sometimes but not everyone does this im sure but. i do. basically the equivalent of being like “the straights are at it again”- that’s really about it as far as my own life as a secular Jew goes- they’re also probably going to be at least a little funny because we as a people tend to be hilarious imho- also it’d be a good idea to place them close to a jewish community, for instance i live on the mainland but there’s an island five minutes away that has a large jewish community, a synagogue, a JCC, etc. and it comforts me immensely because i know if i ever need resources/kosher/any other kind of holiday food im covered- there u go u wrote a secular Jew

[howtogettheshyguy]

(1) #gymGuy known this guy for... 7 months. He is who initially initiated contact (awkwardly 😂) and who kept (awkwardly) small talking with me for a few months until I actually got more comfortable with him. have hung out relatively often (once or twice a months, plus and see each other a few times a week (at gym). He is a shitty texter but responds to me 50% of the time - from what he says and does, I am probably who he interacts with the most the past few months (he has full time job AND PhD)

(2) #gymGuy he is confusing. When we first met he definitely used to stare for long time. And wink. But that was before we really started talking.Then he got more nervous. And sometimes I would think he didn’t want to interact at all and I would step back, confused. But then he would always come find me (gym) or randomly respond to texts (days later). Look the guy is busy, excessively so. During the course of past few months, I did ask him on a date, flirted heavily (touching and stood b/n legs)

(3) #gymGuy we definitely have gotten closer - slowly. I kissed him, late March. He told me “…. no, we can’t. I’m too busy right now, and I can’t guarantee the future”. I asked him for clarity and wanted to know if he only wanted friendship and that was his response 🙄 the man is a clear and concise, smart man, so it’s just weird he never gives straight answer (multiple times). Afterwards I said (like texted hour later) I value our friendship. Also, before this, I’ve always …

(4) #gymGuy … and like he always responded amazingly well, talked about it, said he appreciated the pushback. Which, idk, in men who are smart and attractive etc is crazy to me (lots of men get defensive you know?). Anyway, after kiss, I you know, backed off. The week after he threw a towel at my face (flirty..) and then asked me to go to a museum with him (?!? First time he has asked me to do anything, properly). Anyway since then more flirting, more hanging out, more getting closer…

(5) #gymGuy and for a month after the kiss I did try and remain more pulled back and friendly and he only responded in being more… intimate? It was really confusing. I said fuck it and just full on flirted with him all the time the past 3 weeks. We have dome sexual innuendos plenty and increased sooooo much past 3 weeks.Side note: he finished his dissertation in a couple weeks. I figured it coincided. Also: we talk about future plans all the time.means nothing w/o action but he brings some up!

(6) #gymGuy so here is the thing: consistently the one rude rude rude thing (that I once fought with him about. Scolded. Yelled) is that he so often says YES to doing things with me and then sucks at canceling and a couple times, they are pseudo plans that require confirmation, and he tells me to text him on the day of and he doesn’t respond at allllllllll. And a couple times (gym plans - when he plans them!!!) he doesn’t show up!!!Which he is busy with his thesis BUT it’s so disrespectful to me

(7) #gymGuy I think we both care about each other a lot. He made time a few weeks ago to come move my couch out. He didn’t have to. He like moves the umbrella to make sure I don’t get wet. He offers me rides home out of his way. I just really don’t understand how he can be so so so disrespectful (and again I get he is at a stressful point in life) of my time and me literally going out of my way or waiting for him? What’s your insight on this. Sometimes I feel like, what if he just fake cares?..

(8) #gymGuy okay also sorry if I lost track of numbering haha. But sometimes I wonder “what if it’s just because I’m all I have in his life right now. What if he doesn’t actually give a shit about me and is selfishly receiving my affection and care?” I like. Don’t think so. I can see how much he cares about me - whether it’s just friends or more…. in his eyes and in some of his actions (moving, umbrella, etc). But like. Ugh! I just don’t understand ☹️

Hi, good work on your whole story up to now  :-)

I think you are indeed dealing with a shy guy. By working so hard, he is probably hanging to the only thing he can truly control. Everything else, including what he could have with you, is out of his control. A shy guy like him needs to be in a secure position to be able to take on new risks. A shy guy is always in a fragile situation especially if he is working on building his life. I think your guy is at the limit of his capability in handling what life throws at him. So I feel he was truthful when he told you he wasn’t ready and that he couldn’t guarantee anything. 

Whenever you are making progress and you’re about to take a new step with him, that creates new stress for him. It’s new situations that he may have never faced before and so it makes him nervous. Since his life situation is already stressed, he does what many shy guys do. He pushes back, he closes himself up, he avoids you, he avoid having conversations, he flakes out on activities, etc. 

I think that he will get much better at everything once his studies are completed. Once he has found a job, etc. The question is how long can that take and are you ready to wait that long? I agree with you, he seems to care and be attracted to you. So if you wait chances are it may work. But you’ll never know unless you are patient yet again, and potentially for a while…  :-)