#sorry for rambling I’m just glad that life is looking up and I don’t feel like I’m online 24/7 and I’m doing a lot of fun things in life

[kedsandtubesocks]

game changer

MLB pitcher!Joel Miller x F!Reader

summary: back from your first semester of grad school your parents lovingly drag you out to celebrate with an old family friend - but what unfolds there (and after) cracks you wide open

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY MDNI, no outbreak/modern AU & Joel has both his daughters, dad’s friend!Joel, unspecified age gap (reader’s age is not mentioned but is a drinking aged adult & Joel is in his early 50’s), light use of gendered language, yearning & flirting, some light angst, brief alcohol consumption, masturbation (f), smutty thoughts, heavy makeout, spicy themes, allusions to smut (p in v), Joel’s dirty talk, one use of “good girl,” one light ass smack, reserved but soft!Joel, start of secret relationship, lots of baseball talk

word count: 9.1k (I’m sorry)

a/n: i know, i know another non-typical AU for Joel but I blame my sports girlie heart & baseball season so here we are lol big thank you to @swiftispunk for always putting up with my sports ramblings LMAO im so sorry Han ily, special thanks to @burntheedges @undercoverpena @tightjeansjavi @msjarvis because this truly wouldn’t be here without y’all - you don’t know how much you babes mean to me & I can’t thank y’all enough…now to you, if you’re reading this too I also can’t thank you enough ♡

You barely have any solid memories of Joel Miller, even if he was your dad’s oldest friend. And if you were being honest, you remember his brother Tommy more who smiled so warmly and seemed to radiate warmth.

Now you stand before Joel Miller’s face on the side of the Globe Life field along with the rest of the Texas Rangers professional baseball team.

It’s a cool evening in Arlington. Everyone seems to bask in the weather that feels perfect for a night of baseball.

Home from your first grad school semester, you didn’t think you’d be going to a game. But your parents explained how good the tickets were, and that even if you didn’t care about the game, you could just enjoy the stadium. So with the promise of free food and a nice night out, you were sold.

Now you’re here.

“Yesterday Joel said to head to the side entrance, that’s where we can check in.” Your dad eagerly explains and stunned you simply follow along like a confused duckling.

The sea of jerseys sweeps you into a sports wave until you’re deposited in a new space. Your jaw almost drops.

The VIP suites sit at the very side edge of the field, and it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen.

The seats are incredible. Everything feels deluxe but comfortable. Someone calls out to your mom, and soon enough the rest of the Miller family approaches.

Tommy’s married now and his wife Maria is lovely, so is their baby. Joel’s daughters, Sarah and Ellie, are older. Time sucker punches you in the gut seeing how much time has passed, but you warmly greet everyone. You realize how long it really has been since you saw any of them.

You greet everyone warmly and appreciate all their surprised welcome seeing you back.

“Joel’s glad y’all were finally able to make it. Been talking about it since yesterday.” Tommy explains.

“Yeah us too! Just worked out that we all could come out and enjoy this with someone back home now.” You mom teases, but it’s warm.

Even though you were cities away, the new workload just kept you so busy.

You’re grateful to be here too. Even though your mind still swirls trying to grasp all of this.

You knew your dad’s friend made it big as a professional baseball player. Joel and his family left Austin to move to Arlington after he signed for the Rangers. So you rarely saw them. But with your mom’s job recently relocating here, your dad talked non stop about maybe seeing more of the games. It never really clicked that your family knew a professional sports athlete. Plus you never cared too much for sports to even look more into it.

Now as the game starts with a wild explosive and electric opening, you feel like you’ve slipped into another reality.

Then Joel’s entrance arrives, and your heart jumps out of your chest. The stadium erupts in a wild frenzy. The music for his arrival is western themed, grand and epic.

“All of this is because the league calls him Cowboy Miller.” Your dad explains.

The nickname was given to him not just because of his very southern twang, but Joel’s cold demeanor on the mound along with his wild style of pitching. All this led to him being deemed a Cowboy.

You understand why.

A serious air of power radiates from Joel while he approaches the mound.

Wearing a jersey with the number two on it, he’s older, more distinguished than the last time you remember him. Grays pepper his beard and the shadow of his baseball cap highlights the wrinkles flowing across his face.

He’s handsome, utterly gorgeous. His shoulders look broad, pure striking mountains, in his white jersey.

It’s like your mind finally registers and settles into the reality he’s a man, a full grown and incredible man.

And he really is incredible.

Even though he’s older for a pitcher, he still possesses dazzling talent. You even clap loudly when he strikes one of the batters out.

Your eyes never leave him. Joel sternly staring down the batter is terrifying. His legs look strong as he whips the ball fast to the home plate. Your eyes can’t help but flicker to his ass when he walks back to the dugout.

He’s gorgeous.

But cold reality crashes into you when your dad brightly yells. Joel is your dad’s friend, and that thought sours the bubbling feelings in your chest.

So you try focusing on the game, which actually turns out to be rather fun. The vibe of the stadium, along with the atmosphere of the game itself, is easy to melt into.

At one point someone gets a hit off Joel and he has to run to cover first. He’s surprisingly fast. Seeing him catch the ball, get the out, is so impressive and hot as fuck.

After that the Rangers switch pitchers.

As he leaves the mound, the stadium cheers at Joel’s exit. Very politely he nods, raising his hand in a quick goodbye to everyone. Then he scans the crowd.

It’s admirable seeing how he instantly finds where his family is. Joel’s roughed face melts soft with a small crooked grin hearing the applause they give him. He even spots your dad proudly cheering.

Joel’s eyes then lock with yours. Still walking towards the dugout, his face stays on you while his focus narrows in a cloudy confusion like he’s trying to recognize you.

Then his eyes go wide as realization sinks in.

You weakly grin back. It’s all you can do before Joel is fully gone from your line sight. Your heart thumps erratically within its cage.

The Rangers unfortunately lose by three. Once the game ends, you decide to swing by the merch store.

“Guess the game made you a fan huh?” You mom perks up noticing you eyeing the jerseys.

You shrug easily with an eased grin.

After this the Rangers have a five game stretch at home.

You only know because after the game you check for all things about the team, about Joel. You haven’t brought yourself to look at any videos of Joel yet. But you did discover from the team's instagram that he has one too.

Early the next morning, still lounging in bed, you scroll through Joel’s instagram page. It seems very professional, like it’s run by a social media manager primarily using it to promote Joel without being too personal.

You’re not paying attention, still a bit too focused on your phone, when a knock comes at the door.

Your face scrunches up confused. Then terror sucker punches you when you see who’s at the door.

No way.

Opening the door Joel stares at you, but this time wearing striking thick black rimmed glasses. They make him incredibly distinguished. Instead of seeming like a professional baseball player you’re reminded of a studious professor. And without a baseball cap on, you’re given sight of his soft glorious curls and the light gray streaks dancing among them.

He’s knockout beautiful.

Of course, you’re still in your mismatched lounge clothes and barely look like you’ve left bed.

He says your name, greeting you with a curt nod. You swiftly greet him with an awkward hello.

“Are you going for like a Clark Kent thing?” You blurt before you can stop yourself.

Joel’s face scrunches up as he sighs.

“Gotta take a break from my contacts s’all.” He admits with a grumpy reply.

But it’s his thick twang, the familiar southern accent - that sweeps you breathless.

“How do they even let you pitch?” You lightly tease, and

Joel rolls his eyes.

“Good to see ya too.” He rumbles, finally greeting you.

Now realizing he’s still standing in your doorway, you let him in.

Joel explains how he wanted to come by, visit your folks, catch up, and thank them for getting to stop by.

You’re the one early thanking him.

“The tickets were incredible. And you did amazing the other night.” You add sincerely.

“Oh, yeah thanks. Glad we won.” Joel nods.

“So they let you just roam around?” You ask slightly stunned still seeing him here in your family kitchen.

Joel scoffs. “Ain’t gotta be at the stadium till later.”

“So, was uh…surprised to see ya at the game.” His tone now reeks of trying to just make small talk.

Weakly you grin back explaining it was a nice change from your days on campus.

“So…back from school, huh.” That awkward thick small talk tone of his gets worse especially as he asks how’s it going and what you’re doing.

For being a talented professional pitcher, right now he simply seems like just some guy…

Just your dad’s pal.

The thought brings a strange acidic taste in your mouth.

You explain school is going good and how you’re here just visiting until the next semester starts up again.

Politely he asks what you’re going to school for. You tell him about your program, explaining all the classes you’re taking and even about the undergrad classes you help TA for.

Joel nods, quiet. You wonder if this sounds boring to a man who professionally plays baseball everyday.

“You’re damn smart.” He then whistles low, and his compliment jumpstarts your heart.

“Haven’t read a book since… shit can’t even remember when.” Joel muses.

“What? They don’t have you take baseball quizzes for pitching?” You joke, but it falls flat. Joel just gives you a dull look.

However his lips twitch faintly, like he’s fighting a grin, and it makes you grin.

“Though, I’ve heard you could maybe work on your slider pitch.” You add.

From the clips you’ve seen and the comments you’ve read, that's the one thing others have commented on, along with how unbearably handsome he is. ESPN even named him one of sports top most eligible bachelors.

“Oh?” Joel’s eyebrows rise up fast. Crossing his hands over his chest, Joel turns towards you more.

“Suddenly you’re a sports analyst now, huh?” The way his voice perks up confidently, matching your edge of playfulness, causes something to get stuck in your throat.

“Y’gonna start telling me how to pitch too? Just like your old man used to.” Joel adds still with that same tone and even chuckles.

But his words slice through you. Swallowing hard, you steel yourself tight.

Thankfully the sound of the front door unlocking arrives. Your parents are home.

“You’re fantastic, Joel. Glad I got to see it live.” You tell him earnestly looking him straight in the eye, as if to stare him down and remind him unwavering you’re a grown adult. Even if you’re in lounge shorts and holey t-shirt, you try holding your head high with as much grace as you can.

With that you head to tell your parents Joel is here then quietly slip back to your room.

Eventually your mom knocks on your door and pops her head in.

“There’s another game tonight. Wanna go?” She offers.

You decline, explaining you want to rest and catch up with a few shows you’ve been neglecting. Thankfully neither of your parents pressure you to join them.

With the house to yourself, you now search for as many videos of Joel you can.

Even slowly starting to understand baseball at a base level, you realize Joel ‘Cowboy’ Miller really is spectacular. You hear about his time playing for The University of Texas and how adored he is by his alma mater.

Then heat crawls up your chest when you see clips of him drenched in sweat, heavily breathing, or even licking his lingers to help with the ball grip.

You quickly turn the videos off before you get yourself worked up.

This has to be just a simple infatuated infestation. You simply need to try to shake it off.

The last home game the Rangers play the Minnesota Twins and Joel isn’t pitching. You again decide to sit this game out. You just have to detox yourself of Joel Miller.

Until you’re invited to a dinner cookout at his home. You thought about maybe playing sick, but with how hungry you are, you see this just as an opportunity to get a nice meal.

Your dad casually mentions Joel’s house has a pool, a nice bonus. He just forgot to mention how huge the Miller house would be.

Though gorgeously grand, it’s still surprisingly cozy. In the backyard you spot Joel at the grill and it makes your head spin. The weathered old burnt orange Texas longhorn shirt he wears looks cozy and casual, sits on him beautifully highlighting his shoulders.

You slip into the pool hoping it will cool you off. But your eyes always find Joel who now laughs with your dad.

Joel’s eyes suddenly flicker to yours, catching you staring red handed. Immediately you sink back into the water.

There’s more people here than expected and you feel a bit out of place. After drying off, you decide to head inside for a drink.

The soft Texas evening illuminates the home in a gentle glow. The music from outside floats in a soft hum making the room feel like it’s underwater.

Ellie told you the house was free for you to roam and from the quick tour she gave, you caught a glimpse of something you want to see more.

So letting yourself maybe take another peek, you walk back to the small alcove carved in the wall. It’s honestly a rather quiet achievement exhibition compared to other grand trophy rooms you’ve imagined.

There are honestly more pictures of Sarah and Ellie, along with Tommy and the rest of the Miller clan, decorating the main hallway of the house. All of it suits Joel.

His UT longhorn jersey is framed on the wall. There are a few awards clustered together, a couple of magazine covers where he looks so dashing in his uniform.

But what makes your heart float are the framed drawings of Joel with a baseball on the mound that range from adorable scribbles to a rather good pencil sketch. These had to be Ellie and Sarah’s work.

“If you’re thinkin’ about stealin’ somethin’ maybe go for the jersey. I can always get another one.”

Joel’s drawl trickles out, and you almost jump out of your skin. Turning to the side he walks to where you are. You hate how exposed you feel just being caught in his gaze and also obviously browsing in his home.

“Nah, I was hoping for a World Series ring to steal and sell but.” You shrug playful, knowing now he’s gone to the Series but never won.

Joel makes a low hissing sound like he’s injured.

“Damn, y’hit low.” He chuckles low.

You grin triumphantly.

“Don’t worry. You’ll get a ring someday.” You say simply.

“Sound sure about that.” He replies.

“Cause it’s true.” You nod. “You’re pretty great.”

Even with your limited knowledge of baseball, it’s easy to see how great he is. Joel is incredibly talented, a shining star stitched in accomplishment. Yet you can tell hasn’t let it go to his head. He’s anchored by his loved ones, and it’s admirable. You even tell him that.

“I…thanks.” He stumbles for a moment, deep dark eyes a bit cloudy as he searches your face with his voice thick and rumbled.

“What game has been your favorite?” You suddenly ask, wanting to know more about him.

His eyebrows furrow and his deep eyes glaze over a bit distant, creating a face of thought that looks adorable.

Then he nods with a soft grin remembering.

“One of the first games the girls gotta go to.” He paints a picture of seeing his daughters, sitting with their uncle Tommy, wearing too large adorable Texas Rangers jerseys.

“One of the best games I ever played.” He adds gently.

He really is a rare beauty of a man with a gilded heart of gold.

“And you? Your folks talk about ya nonstop. Tell me about grad school. And none of that simple ‘it’s good’ crap.” The quick playful mimic he does of your voice makes you laugh warm and bright.

So you tell him about your favorite moments from lecture and the fondness you have for simply embracing subjects you love so much.

Joel stares fully focused on you. You swear his eyes twinkle like stars might be sowed right in his deep earth depths.

He opens his mouth, eager to continue the conversation. Until the kitchen comes alive with more people entering inside. The bubble breaks, but electricity still brews under your skin.

The next day the Rangers have a game at Globe Life Field you go.

Even if Joel isn’t pitching, you want to experience this world he loves so much. You’re however surprised to find Joel is starting.

Your dad explains how one of the pitchers planned for today had to rest. So Joel will simply be the opener before the rest of the bullpen steps in.

Your heart doesn’t rage wildly as it did like seeing him the first time. Now you feel almost drawn to Joel. You focus on his stance on the mound, so disciplined and almost hauntingly serious.

The Arizona Diamondbacks batter hits the ball solid. It flies straight at Joel, and fear sinks its fangs into you.

Until with fast reflexes Cowboy Miller catches the ball eased. You and the stadium erupt wild.

The Rangers win one to four. On the high of the game, you head to the jerseys again in the shop.

“You should get one!” Your mom urges.

Your fingers itch, almost begging you to grab the jersey that says Miller on it. But something continues to hold you back.

On the drive back home, you now see all the great reaction clips and memes of the game. There's a particular one of Joel catching the ball that includes a great western music overlay, like he’s a hero in an old cowboy movie.

Feeling brave, you send the reel to his Instagram profile. You even add underneath the message “now you just gotta work on that slider pitch.”

You send it. Think, hell at worst the poor social media manager will see it and not even give it the time or day. He must get so many messages anyway.

When you get home, you see the message has been read.

But also, a new profile has followed you.

JM_8712

The profile also sent you a message.

JM_8712: ain’t nothing wrong with my slider

No way.

This can’t be who you think it is. You message back saying this possibly can’t be the real Joel Miller because he doesn’t seem like the type to even know how to send a gif.

JM_8712: think ur so funny huh

The account sends a simple gif of someone rolling their eyes.

Then another message flies in.

JM_8712: ur dad get those damn nachos he kept bitchin about with Tommy?

It feels like one of Joel’s changeup pitches knocks you out.

Because it’s really him messaging you. When you even go to double check the blank profile just to make sure, it barely follows more than twenty people and you spot Ellie and Sarah’s accounts among those profiles.

Warmth unfolds from your chest, dangerous and electric. This is Joel’s personal private account.

Unknowingly this all kicks off something you never thought would have ever started. You and Joel start talking.

The messages flow between you and him, back and forth, at first just talking about the games. Then, when the Rangers leave to travel, the messaging increases.

Joel sends you pictures of the places he travels, the food he eats, the vacant stadiums he gets to enjoy.

You devour it all with a greedy eagerness. However it dawns on you that you’re sliding down a slope too slippery to stop.

For the rest of the summer you earnestly check your messages on the app.

One evening, on a stormy delayed game against the Dodgers, your messages don’t send through. The weather is getting worse in Los Angeles.

“They’re gonna reschedule the game. Storm’s not letting up.” Your dad comments glumly.

You just hope Joel is alright.

Instagram finally alerts you of a message and your heart jumps.

Joel.

JM_8712: sorry connections shit

Then he simply sends you his phone number.

You wonder if you’re seeing things.

Trying to keep calm you text the number a simple message asking if he’s alright.

When your text alert chimes, it rattles your brain.

Yeah im good thanks

Then another message follows. It’s a photo from the locker, bags packed like he’s ready to leave.

Looks like room service for tonight

It’s Joel. You’re texting Joel right now.

It feels like a step deeper into a current you never want to leave.

Texting seems to shift the energy between you and him, a transmutation you never could have imagined.

You text Joel good morning and he tells you good night. You and him bond over a love of music. He’s got incredible taste while also complimenting yours. You stay up late on game days when pitched and now feel your throat dry up knowing you’re getting to know the man on the mound.

The desire brewing more for Joel mixes with the summer heat and melts the days away. Soon enough summer dwindles away, and your new semester approaches.

The drive back to your apartment is a good couple of hours. Funny enough Joel is also traveling today for a game. Stopping for gas midway, your phone goes off.

You think at first it must be one of your parents.

But instead it’s Joel.

You scramble to answer.

“Hey,” his voice sounds incredibly richer and deep on the phone.

“Y’doin’ alright?” Joel asks hesitant.

That catches you off guard.

“Oh yeah, just finished putting in gas actually. Why, what’s up?” You relax more into the conversation now curious to why he called asking that.

Joel sighs.

“Sorry I just…your last text uh, it just got me worried.”

Now you’re really curious about what you texted him. It had been half an incomplete response you sent. Even from your side it seemed abrupted and strange.

Sighing, you apologize that you didn’t even realize you had done that. In the rush of wanting to get out on the road you must have just sent the text.

But it suddenly hits you. Joel called because he was worried. That thought rips into you with a ferocious rawness.

“Okay yeah,” Joel says a bit clumsily. “I’ll…let you go.”

“No, it’s okay.” You quickly reassure him. “How’s the traveling going?”

“Good, just finished rewatching one of the inflight movies.”

“Please tell me it was Field of Dreams.” You tease him with the iconic baseball film as you head back on the road. Just now with Joel on the phone.

On speaker, Joel scoffs echoing in your car all around you. You realize this might be a bad decision trying to stay focused driving while also talking to him.

“Funny.” His thick drawl is dry but so softly teasing just below the surface.

“Was some new movie Sarah told me to watch but…fell asleep.” Joel admits low.

Thinking of him asleep on the plane clutches at something warm and deep in you.

Yes you can admit how badly you want Joel, how you picture what his calloused fingers would feel like on you, in you. But you also are finding yourself aching for more now…

Like falling asleep beside him while watching a movie, or sharing a meal with him and teasing him over his dry sense of humor.

It’s dangerous falling deeper like this.

Especially now in a blink you realize you’ve been talking to Joel this entire drive to your apartment.

“Shit sorry.” He realizes it when he sees the time. “Y’should’ve told me to fuck off. Don’t gotta waste your time talkin’ to some old ass like me.”

He rarely comments on his age, and his words sink hard into your gut.

“Trust me… I’m glad I get to talk to you.” You truthfully tell him.

“You’re the one who probably has better things to do than talk to me.” You add slightly dejected. The words even sting your lips.

“Like watching Field of Dreams.” You quickly add some light humor trying to dispel your heartache leaking in.

Joel snorts.

“Definitely would rather chat with you than watch that.” Joel mutters, but his world electrifies your skin.

“I’m flattered knowing I can beat Kevin Costner.” You joke. When he snorts amused, warmth fills you to the brim.

Someone in the distance calls out to Joel, and you know your time with him is limited. It’s confirmed when he sighs.

“Gonna be landing soon. Ya make it to your place okay?” He asks.

“I did, thank you. And thanks for keeping me company on the drive.” You smile to yourself.

“Don’t mention it. Uh, glad you made it back safe.” Joel replies and his words make you melt.

You say his name quick.

“Can you just… Text me when you make it to the hotel?” Just to know he’s safe. It’s simple, but it feels as if the words weigh a ton.

A moment passes.

“Yeah, will do.” Joel agrees.

He doesn’t text you. Instead Joel calls you when he gets to the hotel.

“Saw a full on fuckin’ fight at the airport when we landed.” Joel rambles immediately, and you learn how much of a secret gossip he is. While Joel breaks down all the details of what he saw, you realize he wanted to tell you about this.

A light burst in your chest because you want to tell Joel everything too.

And when your next semester starts, you tell him all you can.

The texting stays but evolves into more frequent phone calls. Joel listens to you with a gruff saint’s patience. He faintly picks up the names of your professors, even the name of your roommate. At one point he even stays on the phone with you when you cook dinner.

Joel calls during the stretch of waiting at the airports, a few times after games. Sometimes he rants about his teammates, sighs about his frustrations when they lose or when he ends up not doing well on the mound.

While every inch in your body still hums for Joel, it’s steady now - like you’re slowly accepting these emotions fully into your bloodstream and part of your existence.

You adore Joel, maybe more than you want to admit.

During a rare night out with your friends from class, feeling nice in your favorite outfit, courage courses through you. After posting a few photos from your night out, you also post a rather nice selfie.

You pray Joel sees it. Then you get a bit tipsy, and it takes all your willpower not to text Joel.

But the alcohol burns in you. Once you’re back at your apartment, in the safety of your room, you pull up your favorite video.

It’s a spring training video the Rangers made of the team preparing for the upcoming season. The video ranged from showing the guys on the field practicing, to them in the weight room.

There’s a nice small segment just on Cowboy Joel Miller. Specifically he’s training with a few weights and when you first saw it, your throat got so dry.

Joel is drenched in sweat. The simple worn navy blue shirt sticks to his body, highlighting the tone of his arms and width of his shoulders. Curls wet with sweat stick to his forehead. His concentrated face is sinful.

But not as hot as the sounds he makes.

The grunts, the soft growls, the exhales he gives lifting the weights… they drench your thoughts with images of him fucking.

You’ve never done this before, never gotten off on his videos. You never wanted to fall this far.

But it’s so hard when your body feels molten, so wet hearing with his groans directly in your ears. Your fingers trail down to relieve the throbbing wet ache between your legs.

Imagining Joel’s sweaty gorgeous body pressed against yours, picturing his thicker fingers in you, getting to taste him on your tongue - you come incredibly fast.

The next morning a text and a somber guilt wait for you.

Joel of course had messaged you.

Looks like you had fun last night

So he did see your pictures. A blistering heat crawls in your throat.

But reality sinks in fast. You got off to Joel. You don’t want to feel guilty. You reason there’s probably others who have maybe done it. But it does quietly eat at you.

So much that you don’t even reply to Joel for the whole day trying to sort your mind out. He’s the one that eventually calls you.

“Y’go out on a date or somethin’?” Joel asks about the night out, and your mind sputters to a halt.

“Oh uh, no. Just went out with some friends in class.”

“Oh.” He replies quick. “Well, looked like fun.”

You agree and thank him.

“But yeah, no dates for me.” You weakly laugh.

“Yeah? Any reason why?” Joel presses.

Because you’re partially head over heels for him, but you can’t admit that yet.

“No one’s asked me recently that’s all.” You reply simply. You’ve done the dating apps, had the headache mess of ghosting and awkward dates.

Joel snorts. “Pretty thing like you? Hard to imagine.”

His words, like a change up ball that drops wildly in the air, disorient you.

“Trust me, it’s real.” You dryly reply.

“And you? You must be seeing some famous celebrity in secret huh?” You teasingly ask.

You’ve seen the ESPN clips of the beautiful reporters flirting with him, cooing at how handsome he is. He probably could snag a supermodel or other famous person.

Joel barks a hollow laugh of a thing.

“No, none of that.” He answers.

“Ain’t not time for that or…mainly…haven’t found anyone who’s got the patience for me.”

Your heart sinks.

“Wait, what do you mean?” You quietly press.

He sighs.

“M’ older, a single dad. My schedule ain’t perfect. And those that have tried to uh… pursue something haven’t always had the best intentions.”

His voice trails off somber. You wonder how many just wanted him for his money or fame.

A grim cloud seems to settle above you.

“You’re a great guy Joel, an incredible one.” You earnestly tell him. “Those who can’t see it don’t deserve you.”

“And I have to say it but…you’re a real catch.” You go for the obvious baseball pun.

Joel’s chuckle is a beautiful low gruff treasure.

“That was bad.” You can almost picture him shaking his head. “But thanks…same uh, same goes for you. You’re smart, gorgeous. Someone will come around to see you’re worth it.”

You’re drowning in his words. They feel too much.

He ends up having to quickly end the call with his manager calling, and you’re thankful for it. Because this blooming rawness in you feels like it’s getting too much, yet not enough.

Joel’s compliments are sincere. But many feelings tangle you up. It hurts, like you’re stuck in a rose bush trying to get comfortable within the thorns.

Then, the universe decides to pull you away from Joel.

Classes kick up and the workload piles on. You’re exhausted. It even gets harder to reply to Joel as swiftly as you did. You even miss a few of his phone calls and don’t even call him back.

The days blur together.

Then, one morning you find a text waiting for you.

hope you’re alright

You want to cradle that message.

When you call Joel, it’s like not a day has passed between you and him. Your heart soars hearing his voice again.

“So uh…” Joel begins cautiously, and you’ve never heard him this nervous almost. “We’ll be heading your way into town soon.”

That’s right.

Caught up in the semester you completely forgot the team would be playing the Astros soon. Excitement immediately rises in you.

“Hope ya can come out and see us. And if ya do, let me know.” Joel suggests and you swear his voice sounds shy.

The minute the conversation ends, you try checking for tickets. But they’re a pretty penny. You jokingly circle the top section, the highest nosebleeds, and text him saying he needs to try and find you from here.

He texts back immediately.

Don’t worry about the tickets. Just head to will call and let them know you’re with me. Got it covered

That might be one of the hottest things you’ve ever read.

Game day can’t approach any faster. Your parents even mention the upcoming game when you call to check up.

“You should try to go!” Your dad urges, eager.

A part of you has wondered if Joel mentioned you to your dad. You’ve kept quiet, not saying a thing about whatever this is with Joel, and you now think so did Joel.

You take a small comfort in that.

When game day does arrive, you head to Minute Maid Park alone. Your closest friend and classmate couldn’t make it, and neither could your roommate. But for some reason, you’re slightly okay with being here by yourself.

At the ticket window, you nervously say that you’re here for Joel. Like if nothing they verify your name, and with an ease slide tickets your way.

Not just any tickets, but seats right by the Rangers dugout.

Still stunned, but now slightly lost, you can’t help but feel stranded in the stadium.

“You okay, sweetie?” A lovely voice comes and when you turn, you find a sweet older motherly woman. She wears a Texas Rangers jersey and another younger woman stands besides her in the same jersey. They both stare at you concerned.

“You lost?” The younger woman asks sympathetically.

It must be that obvious. The motherly older woman politely asks to check your tickets to point you in the right direction. She perks up.

“Aw look at that! You’re sitting close to us! Come on, we’ll show ya around!” She beams warmly.

“Wait, are you sure?” You ask worried.

“Oh of course,” the younger woman reassures you with a smile. “The stadium is so huge and besides, us Rangers fans gotta stick together.”

She then winks, noticing the Rangers shirt you bought and wore for the game.

You find out Malinda, the older woman, is the mother of the first baseman. And the other lady, Casey, is his wife.

Kindly, this sweet family adopts you, guiding you towards the section literally right besides the dugout on the other side of the net.

You’re stunned in shock yet again.

Even though your tickets are a few rows away from the two sweet ladies, they reassure you you’ll be fine sitting with them.

It’s beautiful and comforting.

“So, who are you here for?” Casey asks with a friendly gossip like whisper. “These seats are for friends and family, and I haven’t seen you around before.”

But then she quickly reassures you don’t have to explain if you don't want to.

You with a weak laugh you’re here to see Joel, adding that he’s a family friend. Her eyes go wide.

“Oh wow! And he warmed up today too so he might pitch!” She says excitedly.

Joel had texted you before the line up was confirmed that he would be warming up.

Don’t know if I’m gonna get put in but just in case

Even if he didn’t, you told him you just wanted to be there to support him.

With the Rangers being the visiting team, they bat first. You want to root for the guys to get a hit and get on base, but you also already selfishly want to see Joel.

Three outs come and the Rangers switch to take the field. No sign of Joel.

In fact he doesn’t show up until the fifth inning, and it happens so casually. Joel simply walks out from the dugout and takes your breath away.

The team wears their cobalt blue jerseys and the color flatters Joel marvelously.

It feels like seeing him for the first time all over again but through a deeper lens you can’t explain.

You clap and cheer with pride when he manages to strike out the first batter. Then the second.

Two strikeouts back to back.

Joel told you back in his younger days he struck out seven hitters in a row. Now for him to get two, much less strike out the third batter, is something to applaud and admire. And the Rangers fans here, including yourself, cheer loud when the team heads back for the next inning.

“Cowboy Miller in his golden age.” Someone off to the side whistles appreciatively.

You don’t fight the syrupy fondness swallowing you whole.

“It’s rare that a more…seasoned pitcher like Joel still is relied on,” your new friend Casey explains. “But it’s hard to see why not. Everyone’s been saying like he’s almost found a new groove and still has so much power.”

He’s a force you’re terribly in awe of.

Seeing the whip of how strong his body still pitches the ball with a dizzying speed, how handsome he looks under the baseball cap, you want to savor this as much as you can.

Joel manages to get two more strikes out in the second inning. Then by the seventh they get a hit off him but thankfully, no runs come in. Cowboy Miller ends the inning striking out the final batter. You, and the other Rangers fans present, erupt wild.

He did amazing.

Laser focused, locked in on the game, he doesn’t search the crowd or even glance up and you understand. The game gets intense when the Astros manage to hit a home run in the eight. In the end the Rangers win because of an error.

But it’s still a sweet victory.

You relish and warmly celebrate it with your co cheerleaders for the game that made you feel so welcomed with them. You’re about to head up and leave, start looking for an Uber ride home, when Malinda calls to you.

“Sweetie? Aren’t ya gonna wait with us and greet the guys!?” She asks with warm curious sweetness.

You can’t say no.

The commotion sweeps you into a neon coated excitement. There’s a special area sectioned off, almost in a backstage-like section that connects to the entry way for the visiting teams. You’re surprised at how many others wait here.

The team slowly trickles out of the locker room and into the hallway. You’re hilariously reminded of a class being let out.

Then the world then melts away when Joel walks out. Focused on his phone you almost want to call out to him, but your voice gets caught in your throat.

Putting his phone away Joel finally glances up and spots you.

Even with his baseball cap on, you see his eyes widen for a fraction. Your body reacts on its own moving towards him. But he also walks fiercely towards you.

The world blurs away for a moment and then without even thinking, you’re embracing him.

It happens so naturally you don’t even realize what you did until you blink and it’s like you’ve been thrown into cold water.

Panicking, you’re about to pull away until Joel’s arms slowly wrap around you.

“Good to see ya too.” He says low gruff but you’re taken out by the knees grateful your body doesn’t give out.

He smells of sweat, of the dirt on the field, and something sharply Joel, and it’s wonderful.

Quickly you draw yourself away to proudly tell him how amazing he did. Joel waves you off with a gruff noise as his eyes refuse to meet you, almost bashful.

It’s been so long since you’ve seen him this close, been in the same space as him. And it feels so different.

“Alright, dinner?” Someone says, and when you turn, you’re stunned to see it’s the team manager.

Guess this means you’ll be saying goodbye.

“Headin’ home?” Joel asks when he notices you staying back once everyone funnels outside.

“Uh yeah, gotta grab an Uber first. Didn’t wanna drive down here and deal with Houston traffic along with awful parking during a game.” You joke, and Joel snorts.

“Let me take ya back then.” He offers, and you almost drop your phone.

You scramble out reassuring Joel it’s fine.

“Besides, don’t you have dinner to go to?” And where would he even get a car to take you.

“S’fine. Would rather make sure you get home safe anyway.” He then tells you to hang tight then goes to grab one of the rental cars the team has on ready.

Because of course they do.

Your blood hums wild knowing Joel is taking you home, that you’re going to be alone with him. Even in this glimmering dusted dream you still want to tell Malinda and Casey goodbye and thanks for treating you so kindly.

You wish them well and even welcome their warm goodbye hug.

“Wish you could come to dinner!” Casey frowns.

“Maybe next time.” Her mother in law says bright.

Next time.

“Yes hope to see you at more games.” Casey grins and the possibility bubbles iridescent in you.

With a goodbye to them you wait for Joel. There are still a few others of the wives or girlfriends hanging around while the team sorts out where to go.

You haven’t turned to give them any attention. However something crawls on your skin like you’re hyper aware of being watched.

“Did you see how she hugged him? Probably just using him, poor Joel.” One of them whispers.

“She’s not even that pretty.” Another one giggles.

“Oh then you know he’s maybe just using her then! And if that’s the case then good for Joel.” The other replies with a searing joke that makes your stomach sick.

Joel returns, keys in his hand. “Ready to go?”

You weakly grin back.

You should be basking in this moment of finally getting to be alone with Joel, of getting to see him drive you around. Once in the car he took off his cap allowing you sight of his soft hair. The darkness of the car, the warmth of the city lights flickering by, all coat him glorious. Yet those comments from earlier fester poisonous and sour any hope of enjoying this.

You stay rather quiet while giving him directions to your place.

Joel however is surprisingly talkative.

“So you’ll have to give me recommendations of places to go around here.” His voice even sounds just traces softer, higher almost - like he’s happy being here.

And it kills you.

“Y’seem quiet, you okay?” He notices it of course, ever aware.

“Yeah, just a bit tired. Didn’t know the game would take that much outta me.” You lie.

Eventually you arrive at your apartment complex.

“Your place is nice.” Joel admires as he helps you out of the car like the Texan gentleman he is. He even follows you to your door.

You graciously thank him again for this night and for taking you home.

“You sure you’re okay?��� He asks again.

You walk a few steps away from him. The night all around is still quiet, feels soupy with how much hangs in you.

You refuse to cry about this, don’t want to get emotional. If anything, you deserve to treat this like an adult.

“Joel…” you start cautiously, already hating the way your voice wavers.

“Yeah?” His voice stays steady, unbothered, but his eyes furrowing say otherwise.

“What…what is this? What are we?” You ask as steady as you can, but your tone continues to crack.

Joel’s eyes brow furrow and his mouth closes, tightening his jaw.

“Just…good friends.” He replies simply, almost cold. “Just showing my pal’s daughter a nice night.”

There it is.

Your soul deflates. So all the times you’ve felt like this might be something, maybe it's just been you wishing it would be.

So salvaging whatever dignity left, you nod.

“Thanks again, Joel.” You reply briskly and return walking towards your door.

He says your name. It stops you dead in your tracks.

“Why? Why d’ya ask that?” He asks, pressing firm and hard.

You turn back to him, and a deep scowl is etched on his face.

“It doesn’t matter.” You answer.

“The fuck does that mean?” He snaps a bit sharp.

“It means what it means.” You fire back.

“Bullshit. Why did you ask that?” Joel growls out firmer.

“Even if I told you, it doesn’t matter.” You repeat.

“Stop sounding like a fuckin’ owl.” His voice rises hard and fast, like a hand slamming on the wall.

It startles you, makes your eyes water and something in you shakes. Mainly because you know this is beginning to taste like the end. The smallest trace of hope is dissipating right before you.

You blink back tears, and immediately Joel’s face falls.

“Honey, I’m sorry-”

Shaking your head, you cut him off. Not even the sweet pet name he effortlessly uses can shake you.

Through gritted teeth you tell him to go.

“Not when you’re this upset.” He urges.

Through tears a sad water laugh escapes you and Joel’s eyes go cloudy.

“I’m realizing…I’ll never be anything to you then just your friend's kid, huh?” Your voice is waterlogged and you can’t fight it.

“You are.” He states simple and straightforward.

You nod, swallowing back the heartache boiling over.

“Can’t be anythin’ more than that.” Joel adds through mutter.

“Why?” You now ask him. Under the amber light of your apartment’s hallway the most frustrated cloudy look hardens his face.

His eyes scan your face then he steps closer towards you

“Don’t act dumb, sweetheart.” His voice rips out low cruel, slightly harsh.

You’re not and you tell him that.

“I…” the words you’ve held locked up so fiercely in your heart now sneak out from their bars to escape.

“I’d give anything to be yours, Joel.” You croak barely realizing you even said that.

He inhales, and his face goes taunt.

You wait for the sharp reply, even brace for it.

Instead Joel swoops in, kisses you wild like a sudden storm, and presses you against the door of your apartment.

Greedily, you claw onto him not wanting to ever let this go, to let him go. Your mouth begs him more to invade and consume. And he does so with a steady hunger.

The clamor into your apartment is messy, but at one point Joel cautiously stops to look around.

“My roommate’s visiting family…” you reassure, kissing his neck and softly under the side of his jaw with delicate cautious lips.

“Just you and me.” You whisper soft.

Joel takes command the minute you lead him to your room.

“Thought about this. Fuck, think about ya all the damn time.” He growls against your neck as he slides your bra off and runs a callous hand over your chest.

“Fucked my fist that first night you went swimmin’ at m’house.” Joel’s words make you whine and then his lips lick against your skin trying to savor you.

“Me too.” You admit through a whimper. “Touched myself thinking of you.”

Joel freezes.

“Tell me,” he says rather calmly, deadly almost.

Your syrupy lust begins fading away when you realize what you said, what he asks for, and what your answer will be.

Your lips and eyes shut close.

Then Joel’s warm breath, like a ghost, crawls against up your chest and tickles against your ear now.

“Come on, honey,” his voice is utterly decadent with a plea. “Tell me, please.”

You swallow hard telling Joel you don't want him to get weirded out.

He hums against your neck already starting to suck a mark against your skin. Your eyes roll back, and the embarrassment is quickly fading away.

“Promise, I’ll be okay.” Joel reassures you with a mumble against your skin.

So with a shaky voice, you weakly admit how you touched yourself to videos of him.

He groans.

“Baby, oh fuck, fuckin - shit.” Joel sputters out hard, like he just got kicked in the gut, and you’re worried until his lips smash into yours.

He devours you.

You’re swept into a tangled dizzying frenzy. Your clothes practically get ripped off as do Joel’s while he clutches onto you and licks into your mouth.

“That’s my girl. Knew you’d be m’good girl.” He says almost drunk and you’re done for.

You fall into the chasm with no hopes of turning back. But you don’t want to.

Joel feels like a god carving open your universe. You want to consume him and want him to consume you. He becomes your center of gravity.

In the aftermath, you’re left basking in Joel’s warmth and never want to leave.

Even though you were in his arms, Joel had to sit up to take a call and now scrolls through his phone. Your fingers trace his beautiful back.

You’re thankful for all the soft lamps you bought that now melt him into a dreamlike glow.

“Joel.”

He hums a gruff gentle noise that says he’s listening.

“I don’t…” you begin softly, then tell him your doubts. You don’t want him to think you’re simply using him for his status or money.

“Joel… you could quit or retire tomorrow and work with your brother as a contractor and I’d still always want you the way I want you.” Your deliciously aching limbs, the soft afterglow, all of it has you speaking soft and freely.

You never wanted Joel because of his fame or even because of the forbidden taste of him being friends with your dad. You wanted Joel for deeper reasons, some that have carved out a chasm in your heart.

You explain this all to him best as you can without rambling or sounding silly.

Joel sighs.

“Y’shouldn’t.” His voice is a hollow rumble. “I’m old, friends with your dad. We shouldn’t be doin’ this.”

Now a bitter venom spills in you.

You glare at his back, how his shoulders slump defeated while you sit up

“I'm an adult, Joel. And if that’s all you’re worried about then sorry it’s a shit reason.” You launch back.

Over his shoulder he glares at you.

“If…” you swallow hard. “If you’re the one who wants to leave, because i’m that young, or you really don't want this or don’t feel what I feel, then fine. At least tell me that.”

“But I care about you. And I want to make this, us, work.” You finish firmly, even with how much emotions clash in your chest.

Joel sighs again. His eyes face turns away now down downcasted.

“Didn’t wanna want you the way I do. You’re so bright, fucking’ smart and so g’damn gorgeous.” He softly admits.

A pause settles between him and you.

“Y’could be with someone younger, less complicated.” Joel admits low.

“Don’t want anyone younger or less complicated. Just want you.” You reassure with a soft steady mutter.

He goes quiet again.

“Used to not get bothered when I started leavin’ away games by myself. With Tommy married and the business booming, then the girls startin’ to have their own lives…I didn’t mind doing this alone.”

Underneath his words you catch it, his rusting loneliness.

“But then…these past few months…and now today seeing ya waitin’ for me…” he says clipped, like the rest of his words are caught in his throat and he can’t free them yet

Joel turns, and his eyes bore into you.

The silence stays as you stare unflinchingly back at him.

He doesn’t need to say anything else. You don’t think you have to either. Like a magnetic pull, it’s effortless moving towards him. Joel’s warm large calloused hand, seasoned from so many seasons of hard work, of pitching, cradles your face. You kiss him with every inch of your heart.

Even after spending the night, you’re surprised Joel hasn’t left yet. He even comments about figuring out lunch plans with you.

“You have another game today, Cowboy.” You comment.

The term makes his eyebrows rise, and the most coy smirk tugs his face making him look so charming.

“Got today off to rest, ya little shit.” It’s affectionate. “Besides my back ain’t what it use to be and after goin’ more rounds with ya this morning-”

In the middle of your living room you rush to kiss him.

The rest of the day unfolds like a dream drenched and stitched from every domestic fantasy you’ve ever had. Joel stands in your kitchen when you make him a quick lunch and you laugh apologizing that your fridge isn’t MLB diet certified. Joel steals your last saved snack after that joke.

Cuddled snug on the couch with him, you try watching a movie but Joel, so greedy and handsy, ends up fucking your brains out with his tongue.

When dinner rolls around, you order from your favorite local takeout place and Joel pays for everything. You ignore all the work you need to do for the week and don’t care. You’re here at this moment and want to stay crystalized in it for as long as you can.

But tomorrow is the last day before the team leaves to Miami to play the Marlins.

While showering with him, you wrap yourself against Joel’s back already dreading his leave. He seems to sense it too because his hands squeezes yours.

Against your shower wall he glides into you tender and slow, almost trying to draw out every inch of this.

Later that night, you try staying up but the day begins settling in. Your eyes flutter trying to fight sleep.

He mutters your name soft while his fingers run soft against your side.

“Hm?” You answer, trying hard to fight your tired eyes.

“Don’t want ya to think i’m ever using you, honey. You’re not just some young thing keepin’ me company.”

His words are simple, but they erupt so much in you.

Joel had been spooning you from behind, but now you immediately turn around to burrow your face against his chest. You reassure him and his arms tighten around you wonderful chains you wish never break.

But the next morning arrives.

“Gonna come to our last game here?” Joel asks while he packs up.

“Don’t know, I heard you guys still have that really old guy who might be pitching.” You say with a shrug.

His face frowns hard, but Joel moves to playfully smack your ass while you laugh. He quickly draws you in for another kiss.

You have class tomorrow and work you need to jump on, but you go to the game. Joel doesn’t play, but you don’t mind. Getting to hug him goodbye one last night in the shadow of the stadium is worth it.

“Text ya when we get to the airport.” Joel promises, secretly placing a soft kiss on your head.

That night when you get home you order not one, but two Joel Miller jerseys.

[imfinereallyy]

“Good morning, Robs.” Steve nods to Robin’s sprawled figure on their couch.

“Good morning, dingus.” Robin looks up at Steve with a sleepy smile into her morning coffee.

“How was your date last night?” Steve makes a cup of coffee and walks over to the couch. He lifts Robin's legs and lays them across his lap as he settles into the worn-down furniture.

“Oh! It was so good.” Robin perks up. “God, it’s so nice to actually know other gay people in the city and have safe places to go, unlike Hawkins. Violet was so sweet, and she took us to the little lesbian bar on 4th, and we just talked and drank for hours! I felt bad at first about missing movie night with you and Eddie, but I’m sorry, babes, but it was worth it!”

Steve smiles at his platonic soulmate with as much love as he can muster. He’s so happy for her, finding herself in college, especially after the disaster that was Vickie and the post-apocalypse. Besides, he really couldn’t be mad she missed out. “I’m glad you had a good night, Birdie.”

“Steve! You have no idea! She wore this cute skirt with knee-highs, and oh god, I could see her thighs! You know how I feel about thighs.” Robin gave him a pointed look, and Steve couldn’t help but hum in agreement. Thighs were nice. “And she gave me the softest kiss while we were still inside the bar like she wasn’t embarrassed by all my rambling and thinking out loud. Which she said she thought was cute, after I said that out loud. And Steve, I need to tell you about the less soft kisses we had later, but first, I have a question.”

Steve laughed lightly at Robin's antics. She had no idea the power she had. It was hard not to fall in love with her, platonically or romantically. “Sure, Robs. Shoot.” Steve took a sip of his coffee, not thinking much of it.

Robin ever so calmly stated, “Why do you have a hickey on your neck?”

Steve choked on his coffee. He had to lean forward to stop himself from going blue. Robin pushed herself up and pats his back. Steve barely managed out a spluttered out, “What?”

Robin put down her coffee and gave him a kind but pointed look. “The giant ass hickey on your neck. When did you get that.”

“I do not have a hickey on my neck!” Steve’s voice went a pitch higher than normal, not particularly helping his case.

Robin gave him a ‘seriously’ face before she reached over and dug her fingers into the bruise on his neck.

“Owww!” Steve slapped her hand away.

“Want to explain what that is then, Steven.”

Steve scrunched his face up, “Ew, don’t call me Steven.”

“Stop avoiding the question. Why do you have a hickey? As far as I’m concerned, I’m the one who went on a date last night. You only had Eddie over for movie—“ A look of realization crossed Robin’s face before it broke out into pure glee. “No! You didn’t!”

Steve spluttered again, despite the coffee being nowhere near him. “I didn’t do anything!” He continued to deny it.

“Oh you did! You finally did! You made out with Eddie!”

Steve knew it was useless to fight her on it, but he couldn’t help it. He was stubborn. “Ssshh, nothing happened. It’s just a bruise. Stop making this bigger than it is.”

Robin cackled, “Oh Steve, I know I should be mad you’re trying to lie right now. But I can’t be; I’m just too happy. First Violet, and now this? This is the happiest, gayest day of my life!”

Steve put his head in his hands, no longer denying.

“Besides, why are you shushing me? It’s not like there is anyone else here…” Robin trailed off, and Steve could tell the moment she put it all together. If he thought she looked happy before, now she looked straight up devious. “…Oh my god! Steve! Is he in your bed? Is he naked?” Robin was shaking Steve with excitement. At this rate, he would get a concussion from his brain being smacked around his skull.

“…no.” Steve said shyly as images of the night before came to his mind.

The boring movie. Eddie’s head thrown back at Steve’s jokes. The leaning together. Eddie’s grip on Steve’s thigh. The nose brush. The crash of lips. The tearing off of clothes. The stumbling to the bedroom. The moans.

Now is not the time to get a boner. Not while his best friend is still shaking the shit out of him.

“No? Really, so if I go into your room right now, I won’t find Eddie in it?” Robin stared at him. They both got completely still. It was as if that weird telepathy thing the kids always think they have, was actually true. Because Steve can sense it. Can sense that Robin was going to make a break for the door.

She took off in a dash, but Steve was quicker. He tackles her to the ground with a loud ‘oof’. “Get off me, dingus! I need to know!”

Steve tried to pin her to the ground, but she was freakishly strong and yanked him by the hair, “No, Robin, let me have some privacy!”

They tumble around for a few minutes, yelling and scrapping at each other. Neither of them truly got the upper hand. Then suddenly, a door opens. Both Robin and Steve’s heads snap up in the direction of footsteps approaching them.

Then, in front of them, is Eddie in only boxers covered from head to thigh in hickies. “I always forget you two are morning people.” Eddie rubbed the early hours out of his eyes, leaned down to place a kiss on top of Steve’s head, and made his way into the kitchen.

A blush makes its way to Steve’s face but he knows he’s sporting a goofy smile.

“Wow, Dingus. You really marked your territory.” Robin snorts below him. Then Robin leaned over to the side to peek at Eddie’s back. “Is that hickey in the shape of a heart?!”

Steve leapt off of Robin and into the safety of the kitchen, behind the said bruised back.

“So much for soft mornings with you and Robs.” Eddie giggles into his coffee.

Steve just huffed a laugh into the crease between Eddie’s spine and shoulder.

***

happy pride! wanted something soft to get me back in the groove of writing and the start to my pride month pieces.

[burn-before-reading]

Love in the Time of Socialism

joost klein x artist!reader

art, mush, and ramblings about life

warnings: depression (ish), burnout, reader character in some vague mental health funk

word count: 2k

a/n: slight prequel to blue is the colour of your eyes but can be read as stand alone. just same artist reader. vaguely romantic but just ramblings and getting feelings out haha. started this when I was in more of a bad mental state (lol) but im fine now so it got kinda tame by the end of it. still not proofreading anything

title from the song Love in the Time of Socialism by Yellow House

Rpf below the cut—

Normally Joost has to call you because its the only way you will actually look at your phone. Its more often that not you find yourself fixated on planning out your next project, and your friends have to force you back into reality. There was that one time no one had heard from you in over a week and thought you were dead, when you were just working. You hadn’t realized how many texts you missed and apologized for scaring your friends half to death. Especially Joost.

So now you leave your ringer on, and now they call.

Tonight, however, Joost calls and you aren’t in your studio. You are in your bed, where you have been for the entire day. and also most of yesterday. There isn’t a reason in your head specifically why this has happened. you MEANT to get up. Theres a list of chores and things to do just sitting on your desk, but you woke up late, so now nothing will get done. At some point it just became too stressful to even get up and look at it. You roll over and stare at the contact picture of him, smiling with some dumb fish eye lens he thought was funny. You debate not picking up at all.

But you can’t ignore him.

“Hi Joost.” your voice came through the phone more hoarse than intended when you answered, you don’t remember the last time you talked to someone. “Whats going on?”

“the others wanted to go out for drinks tonight, you hadn’t responded so I wanted to check you were joining us.” You could imagine him rocking back and forth on his heels in the middle of his living room while he talked, it was either that or pacing around.

“uhh..” Drinks at a bar was the last thing on your mind. In any other situation you would have loved to be around your friends, but right now you just needed to avoided as much as possible. “Not a good night, tonight. Sorry, I’ll have to join you guys next time.”

Joost felt like something was off, you sounded tired. “Is everything okay?”

“I’ll be fine I just… shit brain day. bad brain thats all. It happens.” You did your best to summarize how you felt without actually admitting anything, you weren’t sure how to explain anything anyway.

“ Oh Im sorry, would it be good, if I came over? I can keep you company, if thats okay?”

“you don’t have to, I’ll be fine tomorrow. I want you to have fun. ” you insisted, but he pressed on.

“I don’t mind, the group would understand. Have you eaten today?”

“Like… a meal? yes, or well, no. I had a soda..” You glance at the half drunk soda from the night before, now flat. “and uhhh..”

“I’ll pick something up.” You could hear him on the other end gathering things together, keys, wallet, probably his ipad.

“.. thank you. I’ll see you in a bit, I guess.”

-

Joost knocked on your door about an hour later. In that time you were able to get out of bed and make your way to the bathroom to change and make yourself somewhat presentable in front of a guest, and to the kitchen to make coffee despite it being 8pm.

You opened it to see Joost with a sheepish smile as he extends his arms out for a hug. “Hi.”

“Hi Joost.” you take the step to hug him, feeling his body heat contrast with the cold nighttime. “I’m glad you’re here.” the two of you head inside to your living room where he empties his bag of take out to reveal a couple different thai dishes and egg rolls. It was hard to not admit you weren’t at least a little bit hungry.

The two of you ate in mostly silence, making small talk about different projects you two have going on, or the fact that the two of you were in between projects. He done with touring for the time being and in the process of working on a new album. You loosely avoiding talking about any current work plans but mentioned one or two paintings you finished for a private gallery commission last month.

“ Just some paintings of animals and nature-ish symbolism. Honestly my heart wasn’t really in that one, but it payed the rent so.” you shrug and shove noodles into your mouth.

“Well now you have the time to work on your own stuff, right?” he commented, leaning back into your couch and looking down at you sitting on the floor instead of any of your own furniture. “Draw whatever your heart desires.”

“I mean I guess.. Im just glad to be done with the oil paints for now. I swear i think I was gonna die in my studio from all the chemicals. I dunno, I finished that whole project last month, I haven’t really been very productive since then.” you trail off and Joost gets a concerned expression on his face.

He sinks down from his spot of the couch to join you in the floor. The fluffy rug brushing against his legs as he adjusts his new sitting position.

“Its okay to take a break, you know.”

“I know I know, I just get frustrated. I never seem to have my energy directed towards the right thing. Whenever I have all those big projects from other contractors, I can brainstorm and think of all these interesting ideas I wanna work on, but I can’t because then I would get behind on the art Im being paid to do.”

“mhm.” he nods, to indicate he’s following along.

“ And then whenever Im done with those projects, I just get… tired. and my focus is gone. and Everything just feels…” you gesture the last bit with your hands, scrambling your fingers, to imply your thoughts. You aren’t looking at him, but you can still see him nodding in your peripherals. Joost always seemed to understand your thinking and explanations to things, even if you thought they were messy.

“Do you want to try painting right now?” he asks. you just shrug your shoulders.

“I don’t know what I would paint.”

“You can paint our dinner, or, or yourself, or your plants maybe?” he suggested and stands up. “Can I paint too?”

“Oh we’re actually doing this?” Not that you didn’t want to, but this self doubt had creeped into your mind again. That failing to produce something decent would prove that you’ve lost all your talent, your skill.

“yea we can have a little painting party!” he chimed, but he hesitated walking over to your studio to grab stuff, still giving you the space to reject his idea.

you looked away and started nervously tapping your fork against the table.

tap tap tap tap

“…sure. We can use my watercolors, Ive been wanting to use them more often anyway.”

the coffee table became a little more cluttered as you set up the paints for the two of you. Joost using an old set 24 pans and you using a newer set of watercolor tubes you were gifted last year and never opened. You watched as Joost immediately dipped his brush in water and started activating the blue paints, spreading it onto his paper in big random strokes.

“what are you painting?”

“not sure yet, maybe im painting you.” he looks up and smirks. you scrunch your nose up.

“why are you using so much blue. am I a smurf?” you joke and he just shrugs and points to your own paper.

“Just mess around, can’t be any worse than what im doing.”

tap tap tap tap tap tap

you fidget with your own brush for a few seconds lo get before grabbing a big mop brush and wetting your paper with clean water. Taking your smaller brush again, you pour out a small amount of yellow and mix it up with some more water. You hesitate for a moment longer before letting the brush lightly touch the surface, creating a burst of colour on the paper as the colour seeps onto the page. You make a few more random marks before switching to another warm colour and repeating the process, now watching the colours bleeds and mix into each other. You look at Joost paper and see that he is actually now trying to paint you, the blue fortunately was able to be mostly contained to the background.

“Do you ever think about what you would do if you weren’t a musician?” you ask.

“I dunno I think after this I could have a pretty successful art career.” he teases but sees in your face the question is more serious. “I don’t know. I started off with youtube, but if I wasn’t doing that… its hard to think about what my life would be like if I didn’t follow this path.”

“I always have this feeling deep down, that I made a wrong choice somewhere along the line. I was thinking about going to school for psychology, I also wanted to work with animals at one point, be a vet. I enjoy art, don’t get me wrong, but I just worry that in making it my job Ive just drained all the passion I had for it.”

You let the paper dry before staining the page with lines of dark burgundy, creating hands and a human heart. he hums as he listens, not adding anything, but simply letting you vent. beginning to piece together your mood from earlier. “I don’t have any jobs lined up right now, which is what Ive been waiting for, to work on my own stuff, yknow? I haven’t had the time ive wanted to make something for myself for a while. But now I just feel, I feel like ive been frozen.”

“things seem to be okay right now. I like what youve made. ” you look down and see the scribbles youve made with your paint. hands clasped over a broken heart. you shrug and smile softly, signing the bottom.

“Just a scribble, you can have it if you want.” You hand the paper over to him. “thank you for coming by, its… its nice being around you. Helps a bit.”

Joost takes the paper and studies it for a second. “I really like it, maybe I should come by more often.”

“If you bring the food we can have art nights whenever you want.” he holds up his paper. The blue bleeding into your skintone and hair since he didn’t wait for anything to properly dry. “I might stick to my ipad though, I don’t know why you like this paint.” he scrunches his nose at it. you laugh and it makes him smile.

You notice for the first time how bright his eyes look when he smiles, but you brush the thought away.

-

“Feeling a bit better?” he asks as he lingers by the door on his way out.

“a bit. like I said It was just a mood, I was gonna be fine tomorrow most likely… I still appreciate you coming over.”

“Don’t ever be afraid to call or text okay? Im always here to talk if you need. or just to listen.”

“definitely. Ive been meaning to uh, talk to someone about all this stuff anyway, you’re not a professional but ill keep it in mind.”

he grins and goes in for one last hug. you feel him slightly squeeze you and linger a little longer than usual before letting go. With one last glance he waves and head off. You see him pull out a cigarette for the walk back. It takes you a second to close the door. standing there watching him walk off until he turns a corner and disappears. Closing the door you sigh and go the clean up your living room.

You notice he left the portrait he drew of you. signed at the bottom with a smiley face next to his name.

It gets hung up in your studio above your desk.

[nycbaby21]

Young and Stupid

prompt: sharing a bed with your best friend's older brother

word count: 4,600

“I’m really sorry,” I hear my best friend’s voice rush over the phone. “Wow no hello, no how are you, no I miss you. You must be really sorry,” I laugh closing my book standing up and stretching. I had been sitting at my desk for the past three hours studying for my last final in an hour. “So I know the plan was for me to drive up and grab you and then head home,” Liana started and her voice trailed off. I groan already knowing I’m gonna hate what leaves her mouth next. 

“So funny story, you know that really cute guy I was telling you about,” she continued. “Yes, I remember the very cute blonde with super blue eyes,” I say grabbing everything I needed and heading out of my dorm. I began walking to my last class and stayed on the phone with her the whole way. “Okay so come to find out he lives like an hour away from my parent's house. So he is gonna give me a ride home,” I stop in my tracks.

“Li, what are you saying,” I ask having a feeling where this is going. “I already talked to my parents and they are super excited to meet him. I can really see this going somewhere,” I can hear the smile in her voice. “Okay,” I say stopping at the stairs of my lecture hall. “You aren’t mad,” she asks, concern in her voice. “No, I’m not mad. I’ll just have to find a ride after I finish this test,” I say. “Don’t worry I already have one for you,” she says. “Liana Barzal what did you do,” I ask with a whine in my voice.

“Love you! Talk later, good luck with your test. You are gonna kick ass,” she rambles and then hangs up on me. I can’t let myself think about it and walk into the room focusing on the test at hand. After an hour, I walk out of the building and head back to my dorm. I tried to call Liana several times, but she never answered me. When I walked into my dorm, I could see why.

“Mat, what are you doing here,” I ask seeing her older brother lying down on my bed reading a book. “Geez about time you got back. I was so bored I started reading your stupid little book,” he says in a teasing tone. I snatched the book from his hands and put it on my desk. “Let’s try this again. “What are you doing here Mathew Barzal,” I ask with an attitude. I loved the whole Barzal family, they have become like a family to me over the years. Our parents were friends and then they had Liana and I at the same time. But Mat was a whole different story.

Ever since I could remember he would tease me. Little things never anything terrible or purposefully malicious. He would pull my hair out of the ponytail, always call me stupid nicknames, and my personal favorite pretend he didn’t know who I was almost all of high school. I had always hoped it was the classic, oh he likes you because he teases you kind of thing. Those dreams were shattered when I was around and his friends asked who I was, and he just replied just some girl my sister is friends with no one important. It was not like I had known him my whole life or anything.

“Oh, you used my full name. I’m so scared,” he laughed sitting up and staring down at me. My bed was raised so I could reach to slap the back of his head so I smacked his calf. He laughed at me and I just kept hitting him. Not hard enough for it to hurt, but it did feel good to let out some of my frustration. I had been so stressed with finals, maintaining my grades, and stupid boy problems.

“What the hell are you doing,” my roommate Maddie asks walking in with her girlfriend right behind her. “Aw Y/n, good for you. I’m glad you moved on from that loser. Also, this one is so much hotter,” Olivia says sitting down on the bed. My entire face burns red and I stop hitting Mat. “No no no. This is Mat,” I rush taking a few steps away from him. He quirks an eyebrow at me. “Oh shit my bad. I thought. You know what never mind what I thought. I’m just gonna sit here and look pretty,” she jokes with me. “You think he’s hot,” Maddie ask looking from Mat to Olivia. “I don’t know for a guy yeah. I mean I would never ever never. But I could see the appeal,” she shrugs explaining to her girlfriend.

“I don’t know. How you treat people is way more important than looks,” Maddie rolls her eyes continuing to pack her bag. The whole time I refused to make eye contact with him. “You know who I am,” he asks hopping down off the bed and leaning back against it. “You talk about me Y/n,” his voice comes off condescending. I huff and let out a groan and Olivia throws a pillow at me. I whack him in the face with it. He grabs my wrist and makes me freeze. Noticing the tension Maddie saves the day.

 “I know a lot about you Barzal. Your sister is amazing by the way,” Maddie smirks, knowing she is riling him up. “You think Y/n/n talks about you. Please, you have no idea how many people try to get info on you from her. She has never once indulged them,” Olivia says thinking she is being helpful. I cut her a look and she stops talking. He looks down at me and his face softens. “What is she talking about,” he asked me. “Well, we should get on the road. Long drive down to Tennessee. Love you Y/n,” Olivia says grabbing Maddie’s stuff and heading for the door.

Maddie comes and wraps me up in a hug. “Call me okay. I love you and have a great break,” she smiles. “I love you and you guys too. Also Mads you got this. Any parent should be thrilled for their daughter to bring you home,” I give her arm a comforting squeeze. She nods and walks towards the door. “Barzal, if I hear one word about you hurting my girl you better be ready,” she threatens and closes the door. The air was thick in tension as soon as it was just the two of us.

Mat turns and opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off before he can. “Okay well, she should probably get on the road too,” I say grabbing my duffle bag and throwing it over my shoulder, and grabbing the suitcase with my free arm. I feel myself being pulled back and the weight on my left arm is now gone. Mat now had my pink duffle bag over his shoulder. He sent me a small smile and headed towards the door. This is gonna be a long trip.

I slowly walked behind him following him to his car in the parking lot. I let out a laugh and tried to cover it with a cough. His head snapped back to me and he smiled. “Yeah yeah, laugh it up,” he says putting my stuff in the back with his. “No I’m not laughing at you or the car I swear,” I laugh and he cuts me a look. “It’s just you’ve been in the NHL how long? They have to be paying you enough for a luxury car,” I say getting in the passenger door as he shuts it behind me. “Not that I need to explain myself to you, but there is no point in all of that. I mean this is a great little car, trustworthy, and dependable,” he says leaning over and looking backward to reverse the car. I hated to admit it to myself but he looked way too good doing that.

“No, you don’t have to explain anything to me. I just figured you would be all flashy and get a car to impress some girl,” I shrug looking outside my window and not at him. “Maybe the Mat you used to know would have done that. But I’m not that guy anymore,” he says glancing over at me. His stare makes me feel like the same little girl who had a monster crush on her best friend’s older brother. “Maybe,” I ask in a teasing tone getting a laugh out of him, like a real genuine smile. Happy with how the conversation was going and in fear of messing it up, I reached over and flipped through the stations trying to find a station.

“Here, just play something on here. The static is driving me crazy,” Mat says handing his phone over to me. I held it like it was a bomb, scared if I moved it would go off. “What,” he laughs eyes straight ahead. “I don’t know. It’s just no guy has ever just openly handed me his phone to go through,” I say opening his phone, he didn’t even have a password on it. His background makes me stop. It was a picture of Liana, him, my little sister, and me from one summer when we were kids on my dad’s boat. “Well you have been around the wrong guys,” he says snapping me out of my trance.

I didn’t even know that picture existed, let alone why Mat had it as his home screen. “Yeah well, you could say that again,” I laugh dryly and scroll through his playlist trying to find one. “Oh my gosh. You do not still have this,” I say shocked pulling up a playlist I made him one summer when he said I had terrible music taste and wanted to prove him wrong. I click play and the catchy beat of some random boyband I was obsessed with fills the car. He smiles and starts singing along with the song. “What? Don’t go feeling all special or whatever, it just has some good songs on it,” he says trying not to smile.

The next two hours are filled with us screaming the lyrics of the playlist and dancing around in the car. I had actually never had this much fun with Mat ever. He always treated me like his sister’s annoying friend. Right now it felt like he was treating me like a friend. The snow started to pick up more and more. We had turned down the music to almost nothing and I was helping him watch the road. “I saw a sign for a motel like half a mile back. I know it isn’t ideal but I can’t risk having you on the road in this weather,” he says slowing down even more and turning into the motel.

“Risk having me on the road? What about you,” I ask as he puts the car in park. “Liana and my parents would have my ass if anything happened to you,” he said looking over at me. I deflated a little bit, cursing myself for actually thinking maybe it was because he cared about me. I just nod my head and open the door grabbing my bags and heading for the door. “Hey wait slow down. What just happened back there,” he asks rushing forward and opening the door for me.

The lobby was filled with the same chill as outside. I shook off some of the snow that had gathered up on my clothes and hair. “I have no idea what you are talking about Barzal,” I say walking further inside towards the front desk. “Y/n you just completely shut down on me,” he says grabbing my forearm and pulling me back. I roll my eyes and look up at him. “I have no idea what you are talking about Mat. Look I’m tired and cold I just want to take a hot shower and sleep okay?” 

I hear someone clear their throat and we both look towards the guy behind the desk. He has an annoyed expression on his face. I pull my arm away from Mat and walk towards the desk. “How can I help you tonight sweetheart,” his voice sends chills down my spine. He looked me up and down like he was a wild animal stalking his prey. “Uhm.. a room please,” I stutter out completely creeped out by this guy. My eyes shift over to Mat and then back to the guy. “Okay, so two rooms. That will be,” the guy is cut off by Mat. “One room actually,” Mat wore a smug look on his face. His arm slipped around me, and this time I leaned in and didn’t brush him off.

“Yeah sure okay,” he grumbles out typing away. Mat gave my side a squeeze and his thumb rubbed back and forth under my jacket. I tried to ignore the feelings that came with being this close to him. He was just trying to help like a big brother would. He didn’t see me as anything else. “Right this way,” he said and we followed him down a long hallway and to the last room in the hall. He opens the door and we both can see the room only has one bed in it. I try to control my face, but it must have slipped because the guy smirks down at me. “One bed alright with the happy couple,” he said emphasizing the word couple. 

“Perfect with us. Right baby,” Mat leans down and looks at me. I nod my head, not trusting my voice in that moment. Fear overwhelmed my system, I just couldn’t tell if it was from the looks the clerk was giving me or the fact I had to share a bed with Mat tonight. “Well, I’ll leave you both to it. Come find me if you need anything okay,” he says directly at me slipping a wink in before walking away. Mat all picked me up and carried me into the room away from that guy. 

He slams the door closed and I jump at the sudden loud noise. He turns around and looks at me. I have never been able to read Mat well, he always held his emotions close to himself. But in this moment I was grateful I couldn’t. He was seething with anger. He paced around the room rambling about how no man had any right to talk to a woman like that. I sat on the bed and watched him continue to walk around. “Mat, please. You are making me dizzy,” I groan falling back onto the bed with my legs still hanging off. I hear a deep sigh and feel the bed dip down next to me. “You okay,” I ask looking into his eyes.

“That doesn’t matter right now. Are you okay,” he asked voice soft. I nod feeling very vulnerable under his gaze. I open my mouth to ask him more about what the hell just happened but my phone ringing cut me off. “Y/n, finally you answer me. I got an alert that you and Mat both stopped and neither one of you picked up. I was scared to death something happened to you both,” Liana rushes out. “Li slow down okay. I am perfectly fine okay. The roads just got really bad and Mat pulled over and we found a motel to stay at. We are gonna get back on the road first thing in the morning,” I explain calmly trying to help ease her worry.

“Hey you know I wouldn’t ever let anything happen to her right,” Mat says to his sister looking straight at me. “Yeah, I know. Sorry, it’s just you guys are two of my favorite people, and if I lost you both,” her voice cracked and we heard a hushed voice comforting her. Mat raised his eyebrows and I smiled. “You can’t get rid of us that easy. We are gonna be annoying you for the foreseeable future,” I laugh telling her and trying to get off the phone before Mat realized who she was talking to. “Okay I love you guys,” she says before hanging up. 

“Who was that,” he asked looking back to me. I laugh and shake my head jumping up. He quickly followed suit and stood after I did. “I am gonna go get that shower,” I say walking backward towards the bathroom. “Y/n tell me who she was talking to,” he says walking closer to me. I keep backing up until my back hits a wall. Mat is right in front of me looking down at me. “A friend,” I say in a hushed tone due to our closeness. “Uh-huh. A friend. Who is this friend,” he asks maintaining our current distance. “Maybe a friend who wants to be more than a friend,” I shrug and laugh at the face he makes. “Oh my god. She is a little rat,” he said backing up some. 

“Why is she a little rat,” I ask finally getting to take a full breath. “She totally used me asking to bring you home as a way to hang out with a boy,” he says looking back to me, and then his eyes get big. “What did you just say,” I ask stepping closer to him. “I have no idea what you are talking about,” he says trying to keep distance between us and trips over my bag falling down. “I’m okay,” he says looking up at me and then laughing. “Are you sure,” I ask laughing back at him. “Positive. Now go get a shower, you kind of stink,” he jokes and I kick his shin lightly.

When I was in the shower my mind drifted back to the car ride here. It was so different than any other time I had spent with him. Maybe he was right, he wasn’t the same Mat I knew growing up. I was more confused now than I was before. I shake off all of the feelings coming back from my teenage years and get out of the shower. I go to change into some clothes and realize I didn’t grab a shirt. “Hey, Mat. Can you pass me a shirt? I forgot to grab one,” I yell hoping he can hear me over the sound of the TV he had going. I hear a muffled sound and then a quick knock on the door. I open it and come face to face with him. 

His eyes drifted down and back up very quickly, he was hoping I hadn’t noticed. It was just the same as him seeing me in a swimsuit in the summer, which he had seen several times. Something different was floating around his mind, but I just couldn’t tell what. He cleared his throat and handed me the shirt. “Thanks,” I say softly and step back into the bathroom slipping the shirt over my head. I noticed how much bigger it was than normal and finally looked at myself in the mirror. He had given me one of his Islanders training shirts. I try not to think too much about it, but the small part of me who still believes in fairytale endings drifts.

I walk out turning the lights off in the bathroom and turning to face him. His shirt was so long it covered the shorts I had on. He looked up at me and his jaw tightened slightly. The air was weird between us again like it was earlier. “What are you watching,” I ask looking over at him when he doesn’t answer me. I call his name again and he looks over at me. “Oh uhm I don’t know some random comedy I found,” he says sitting up straighter in the bed. I nod my head at him and walk around the side of the bed opposite him. I pull back the blankets and carefully slip into the bed being very cautious of our personal space.

“Are you cold,” he asks looking over only being able to see me when the TV flashed a bright color. “No, I’m good I promise,” I say back lying to him. “Y/n/n, I can feel you shivering over there,” he says looking over at me. I feel his hand touch mine under the covers and he winces. “Your hands are freezing,” he says. He scoots closer and pulls me towards him. “Mat, I’m fine really,” I try and push him off. He ignores me and pulls me into his chest. I immediately feel warmer, either from his body heat or my face flushing. 

We both stay still as a board, both afraid of moving too much and scaring the other. I could feel his breath and hear his heartbeat. That was the only thing comforting me because he was as fast as mine. “Hey can I ask you a question,” he asks running his hand up and down my arm. “Yeah, you can ask me anything,” I say looking up at him. “Earlier when your roommate and her girlfriend were talking they said you never talk about me even when people ask. Does that happen a lot? People asking you about me,” he asks his hand stopping and resting on my upper arm. “Yeah, I guess it does. I mean people know me from Li’s Instagram and figure I am close with you or whatever. So girls try to be friends with me to get closer to you. Or guys only ask me out thinking I will introduce them to you,” I say scared of how he will act.

“I am really sorry that happened to you Y/n,” he says looking down at me. I look up at him and smile. “It’s okay Mat. Not anything I’m not used to,” I replied. “Has this always happened,” his question made me sigh. I just nod against his chest. “How long,” his voice breaks. “I don’t know, freshman year. It wasn’t because you were mister hot-shot hockey back then. It was because you were this hot older guy every girl our age was crazy about. So that’s why Li and I have always been really selective of our friends,” I answer back. We stay quiet for a minute and then I feel his chest vibrate some. “What,” I ask looking up at him and seeing a smile on his face. “Every girl your age thought I was hot, eh,” he asks in a teasing tone, but not the same one from childhood.

“Wow out of all of that, you wanna know if I thought you were hot,” I roll my eyes and push away from him. His grip tightens on me and I laugh with him. “Why does it matter what I thought of you way back then,” I ask. “I don’t know,” he shrugs. “Can I ask you a question now,” I counter and he nods. “What did I do to you growing up,” his eyebrows furrow at my question. “I mean it was like you had it out for me. Anything I did, you had a teasing comeback for it. And then in high school you just ignored me. So I’m asking you if I did something,” I ask waiting for a response. 

“You didn’t do anything, I swear. Well not intentionally anyway. You couldn’t help me having feelings for you. I don’t know as kids I thought of you just like Li and your sister. And then one day you weren’t the same anymore. I noticed how my feelings were changing with you. And I was stupid and young and had no clue what I was doing so I was just mean.” I stayed quiet just listening to him. “Then high school came around and some of the jerks I called friends started asking questions about you. Like who you were and some other stuff I’m not gonna repeat. So I just thought if you weren’t an active part of my life maybe guys like that would leave you alone. You were way too good for them,” he finished and stared ahead. “Mat, will you please look at me,” I ask, his eyes drifting across my face and landing on my eyes. He nods and I look at him,” Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Like I said, I was a young stupid kid. I was scared of you. You were my sister’s best friend, our parents are super close, and I just knew that I would screw something up. And it wouldn’t just be us it would be us I messed up, but everyone else would suffer,” he said. “Well are you still,” I ask, taking a leap of faith. “Still what,” his voice is filled with confusion. “Are you still young and stupid,” I whisper back to him. “Up until yesterday. Yeah, I was,” he replied. “What changed today,” I question leaning in closer to him. “I finally quit trying too hard around you. I was just Mat with you today. And it felt really nice,” he smiled leaning down our lips almost touching. “Tell me to stop and I will. We can pretend this never happened and go back to whatever we were. Even though that might actually kill me, I’ll do it if that’s what you want,” he says his breath fanning my face.

I close the distance between us by grabbing his cheeks with my hands pulling him closer. It didn’t even take him a second to fall into rhythm with me. All those years of secretly pining and hidden feelings were finally being released. I kissed him until I physically couldn’t anymore needing to breathe. “Holy shit,” I say resting our foreheads together.” If I had known that was what I was missing I would have said something sooner,” he laughed making me smile. “Well, we have about ten years to catch up on,” I smile at him reconnecting our lips.

The next morning I woke up all tangled up in Mat’s embrace. I nuzzled into his chest harder, waking him in the process. “Please tell me last night wasn’t some dream,” he says not opening his eyes yet. “No, you dork. It wasn’t a dream,” I laugh kissing the space between his shoulder and neck. “I don’t really wanna leave the motel, is that bad,” he asks running his hand in my hair. “No, it isn’t that bad,” I smile. “Good because I’m pretty sure Li may just kick my ass,” he laughs. “Am I worth it,” I ask looking up at him. “Worth every second of ass-kicking,” he says kissing my nose. I kiss his lips again and my phone ringing interrupted us. “Oh god, it’s her, isn’t it? She is already cockblocking me and she doesn’t even know yet,” he groans throwing his head back.

“Are you both still alive,” she jokes. “Yes we are both still alive,” Mat groans into the phone before moving us to where he could rest his face on my neck. My hands go to his hair and start running my fingers through it. “Well, I’m sorry for asking. Geez Y/n maybe you should have given him some and he wouldn’t be acting like an ass this morning,” she laughs and stops when she realizes neither one of us answers. “Oh my god. You did not,” she screams.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Overtime 3

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: your boss, Mr. Hansen, runs you ragged but you find solace in an unexpected friend.

Characters: Lloyd Hansen, Jake Jensen.

Author’s Note: This one is dedicated to my dearest @thezombieprostitute

Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

It isn’t until a few minutes after Jensen goes that you dare to taste the latte. You’re still wary of his generosity but why should you be? The few times you’ve interacted with him, he’s only ever been helpful. Yet, that is his job. He’s supposed to fix the printer and figure out why your cursor keeps flicking into the corner. 

It isn’t as cinnamon-y as you expect, in a good way. Not in that way that burns your tongue and makes you scrunch up your lips. You savour the first sip and make sure not to devour it in one gulp. You’ll nurse it for as long as you can. A little sweetener to get through the day. 

You’re surprised as Jensen returns. He's much quicker than you expect. You sit up as he proclaims, “tada!” and puts the mouse on your desk. The box is still shrink-wrapped and brand new. “Put it on the company account and all.” 

“Oh gosh, Jensen, thank you so much,” you grab it and look it over. “You’re a life saver.” 

“Hey, it’s no worries. How’s the coffee?" He hooks his thumbs in his khaki pockets and pushes his shoulders up. You peek up at him then back at the cup. 

“Pretty good,” you admit. “I don’t want to drink it too fast.” 

“Makes sense. Well, if you’re ever down at The Grind, I definitely recommend the salted caramel mocha. That’s my favourite. Oh, and on Thursdays, they have the smores brownies... I really didn’t have a sweet tooth before I started going there,” he reaches to rub the back of his neck. “Um, do you like sweet stuff? You like cookies? Cake?” 

He rambles, not giving you a moment to answer. It’s endearing. He runs his hand up behind his head then brings it around to fix his glasses. 

“Sorry, I’m... blabbering. I just... I’m glad you like it, you know?” 

“I do, thanks,” you chew your lower lip.  

“Critter, where the fuck--” Hansen’s voice blasts through the door as he rips it open. “Huh?” He scuffs out and scoffs as he tilts his head, jutting out a foot as he arches a brow, “well, hello there, JJ Jizzface,” he struts up to the corner of your desk, “and what on god’s shit brown heap are you doing here? I didn’t file a ticket.” 

Jensen stands straight as he faces Hansen. In an instant, his demeanour changes. His affability fades behind his staunch veneer. 

“I don’t need a ticket to be here,” Jensen rebuffs. 

“Oh, you don’t? So why the fuck are you bugging my assistant? I mean, pest that you are.” 

They stare at each other, unflinching. You pick at the lip of the cup nervously and watch. You clear your throat and hesitantly stand. 

“Mr. Hansen, sir, I got you a new mouse,” you slide the box towards him. 

“Good fucking job, critter,” he doesn’t look away from Jensen. “Go set it up.” 

“I can do that. It is my job--” Jensen offers.

“She can handle plugging in a damn dongle,” Hansen insists. “I’m sure you have no idea what to do with yours.” 

Jensen doesn’t say a word. You reach for the mouse cautiously. 

“So why don’t you piss off, tech jockey?” Hansen snarls. 

“With due respect,” Jensen says sharply. “I’m a manager too so I don’t need to take orders from you, Hansen.” 

“With due fucking respect, which is goddamn none,” your boss retorts, “you can suck my nuts.” 

He smirks and shakes his head. His eyes catch on your desk and he hums as he turns. He scoops up your latte and give it a sniff. He drinks and the foam dusts his short mustache. You just stare, trying not to deflate at his thievery. You didn’t get donuts in the break room and you forgot your thermos, and now, your latte has been accosted. 

“I’ll get this set up,” you take the mouse. “Thanks for the help, Jensen.” 

“Mission accomplished, four eyes, now shoo,” Hansen snips and slurps again. 

Jensen doesn’t leave right away but you don’t stay and watch. You only know he’s gone by the familiar squeak of his sneakers. You go into Mr. Hansen’s office and tear through the plastic. As you open the flap of the box, the door slams and signals his entrance. 

“So, why the fuck is that googly-eyed fuck hanging around your desk?” He growls. 

“Sir, he got your new mouse--” 

“Oh, and what did you do for that? You give him a smile? You show some cleavage? Is there anything under that sweater to show?” He spits. 

You focus on your task and slide the batteries into the mouse. You snap the cover on and put it on the desk. You take out the dongle and plug it into the port. Mr. Hansen looms closer and stands at the corner, glaring at you. 

“Sorry, sir, he was only being helpful--” 

“Fucking helpful. You seen that cuck? He’s hoping for a peek at your ass. Fucking geek.” He swigs the coffee and chokes, slamming down the empty cup. “Ugh, that was way too sugary, critter. Go get me an americano from Esther’s.” 

You shove the packaging into the box and grab it along with the empty cup. You nod and look at Mr. Hansen. His blue eyes are like ice. 

“Yes, sir, I’ll go right now.” 

“I fucking mean it, critter,” his voice shakes dangerously. “When I give you something to do, you do it.” 

“I understand, Mr. Hansen.” 

“Do you understand? Do you get what your job is? It’s me, critter. I tell you what the fuck to do and you scurry of to do it. Skitter, skitter, little critter.” He grips the desk as he leans in and his nostrils flare. “Now, I need to wash the taste of that garbage out of my mouth so go and get me some real fucking coffee.” 

You put your head down and leave. It’s your fault. You screwed up. You shouldn’t have transferred the call but you didn’t realise before you hit transfer that it was Melora. You should have screened her like you usually do but you’d been trying to figure out the new Adobe update. 

Stupid, you’re stupid. You should know to just do what you’re told and nothing extra. 

[2knightt]

hiii I was wondering if u could do smth for the outsiders? Like Darry has a s/o who is the mother figure for the gang and often Johnny n pony call her ma / mom? I js thought it was sooo cute but if not it’s also okay dearrr

darry curtis x motherly!reader

!warnings!

1.fem!reader

2.swearing

3.probably ooc LMFAO

darry would literally love you. oh my god.

you’re caring???? you help take care of the gang??? you help ponyboy with homework???

you might as well rip his heart out of his chest cause it’s already yours!

the gang loves you, probably even more than darry does!

but to darry, that’s impossible.

you’re heaven sent to him. he truly believes you’re a miracle!

when he’s stressed out, you’re right there to help him destress!

giving him a massage, giving him tea, shit maybe even all of the above if you feel like it.

“jeez dare, stop overworking yourself so much! you’re gonna die some day because of it!”

“no i won’t, been doin’ it for so long i’ve gotten used to it.”

“thats even worse!!”

when you cook for him he will GOBBLE it up.

homie can taste the love you put in and he thinks it makes the food taste 100x better.

but even you have stressful days! but, expect darry to treat you like a princess!

he will not let you leave his bed, he is getting everything you want.

water? done. a book? already in your hand. a fucking car? he’s wasting all his money for you!

he will follow you to hell if you ask him nicely.

he just loves you so much.

when he somehow get’s hurt in rumbles he’s so glad you’re there to patch him up.

but he isn’t glad that he gets an earful from you.

“you know i hate these things. why do you out of all people go darry? you’re better than this.”

he just grumbles because he doesn’t even want to answer anything with a black eye that’s slowly forming on his right eye.

the gang is so thankful that you can patch them up too. they sometimes fight over who you’re gonna help next.

“i’m goin’ after darry!”

“SODA! YOU’VE GONE SECOND FOR LIKE 3 TIMES IN A ROW. IT’S MY TURN!!”

“PISS OFF TWO-BIT.”

“actually it’s my turn.”

“shut the hell up steve.”

“AYE!”

ponyboy’s just happy he has a mother figure in his life again. his mom was definitely his favourite parent, so now that he has someone to replicate that, he’s on the moon.

he only calls you mom or ma in private, he’s too embarrassed to say it with others in the room.

BUT, he definitely lets the mom calling slip accidentally infront of the gang.

“mom, do you need help with the dishes?”

“MOM?!”

“WHAT?!?”

pony just looks down in embarrassment until you chuckle and agree to him helping you. then he’s all smiles and sunshine!

darry is so happy to see this you don’t get it.

darry asks for advice from you to get to know ponyboy better since he rambles on and on about whatever he’s most interested in at the time.

“so uh, about ponyboy…”

“oh! he really likes ‘gone with the wind’, i know you don’t have much time to read so, i can just tell you the important stuff!”

he just nods and stares at you as you talk about the characters, the main plot, and the small details ponyboy’s obsessed with.

he’s taking mental notes and thanking you heavily when you’re finished talking!

“thank you, y/n. really. i appreciate all you do for me.”

“awe! of course, babe. anything for you.”

he’s giggling and blushing at the last sentence

he’s so thankful that you’re there to talk some sense into the gang.

sometimes he sits on the sidelines and just watches.

“DALLAS WINSTON. WHAT ON GODS GREEN EARTH WERE YOU THINKING PULLING SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!”

“I’M SORRY! JESUS.”

dallas just throws his hands in the air in defeat, knowing that no matter how much he apologizes you’ll continue to scold him.

but he listens, he doesn’t do whatever he did for awhile.

darry just chuckles at the sight.

his mom used to scold dallas like that, so seeing you do the same brought back good memories for him.

being around you just reminds him of the ‘good old days’ so when he’s around you his mood immediately lifts.

like he could be yelling at ponyboy to raise his grades and you could walk in and darry would go “AND STUDY MO- oh hey babyyy!!☺️☺️”

everyone’s eternally grateful for you.

ESPECIALLY JOHNNY GOOD LORD.

he goes to you for literally everything.

something bad happened to him?? he’s at your front door! something good happened to him??? he’s right beside you telling you about it!

yeah, he calls you mom too.

he doesn’t mean to though! he just looks up to you so much, he’s always seen you has a mother figure but he never thought he’d actually call you mom!

“hey ma, does my hair look tuff!?”

“huh?”

he’s FROZEN in place. he’s so embarrassed, he’s literally overheating.

you just giggle to yourself and say his hair does infact, look extremely tuff.

he walks away smiling with a little hop when he walks.

the gang fights over your attention with darry.

they ain’t got a good life at home, but if you give them the motherly love they’ve been missing? they will kill someone for you.

darry loves and hates this.

he loves that you and the gang get along. he can’t be with someone the gang doesn’t like, but he hates that they like you so much they talk to you 24/7.

he sometimes just snatches you while you’re talking to someone in the curtis house.

like you could be talking to sodapop and he’ll come behind you and grab you by the waist and carry you into his room.

all that while soda chases him down, yelling nonsense.

“DARRY! I WAS TALKING TO HER.”

“that’s crazy…”

overall, darry would definitely look for a mother-like lover.

he needs it fr🙏

author notes;

1.EVERYONE SHUT UP THIS IS MY FIRST REQUEST I CANT

2.when i read dear i lowkey giggled and kicked my feet

3.should i make a taglist??!!???? would literally anyone like to be tagged in my outsiders fics?!!!????

4.i really hope i did this justice LMFAO

5.btw if you’ve DMed me im not ignoring you, im working up the courage to talk to you. im a very nervous person😭😭

may 11th, 2023. 10:18PM.

[neos127]

WHY HER? — SIM JAEYUN (chapter eighteen)

pairing. idol!jake x fem!fan!reader synopsis. in the most cliche way, jake falls for a fan of his. y/n just has to decide if she’s able to handle being apart of his life. notes. last chap…

Y/N was sweating from nerves. Jake was about to arrive at any moment and she felt sick. The feeling reminded her of when the two first started hanging out, which brought a small slice of comfort.

Y/N was sure that she readjusted her outfit and seating position multiple times before she heard the click of the front door opening. Jake walked in with a small backpack slung around his arm, but it was immediately dropped to the floor when he saw Y/N sitting at the kitchen island. The two stared at each other for what felt like hours, before Jake finally broke the silence.

“You came back.” He stated, his voice cracking slightly. Jake didn’t want to become emotional in front of her again, but the boy felt as if he could cry from how happy he was. Y/N nodded, hesitantly walking up to him with the flowers.

“Happy birthday.” Y/N spoke up, mentally preparing to give the long speech she had planned out in her head. But before the younger girl could open her mouth, Jake brought her into a hug, making the flowers fall to the floor. He gripped her closely, as if she would disappear if he let go.

“I’m so sorry, Jake.” Y/N mumbled, feeling tears fall down her face and onto Jake’s jacket. The boy shushed her, patting the top of her head in reassurance. He knew that Y/N probably felt guilty, but he had never expected her to mend their relationship in person.

“I know you might still be upset, and I’m so sorry for that. I never wanted to hurt you, I was just being stupid. I was only thinking about myself and that wasn’t fair.” Y/N explained, already forgetting her speech and just letting her heart speak for itself.

“I don’t think I ever stopped loving you, and not being in your arms like this for months was really hard.” She continued, her voice wavering as more tears fell. Jake pulled away with a surprised look.

“You love me?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowing as he wiped Y/N’s tears away.

“I do, I really do and I’m sorry I never got to tell you. I should’ve said it back and then we could’ve figured something out but—” Jake cut off Y/N’s rambling, shushing her quietly.

“I know how you were treated, Y/N/N. I don’t blame you for leaving, and if you want to do that again then be my guest. I’m just glad I get to see you right now.” Jake explained, looking at you with sad eyes. He was way too considerate for his own good and it made Y/N’s heart beat ten times faster.

“I don’t think I can ever walk out on you again. Meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me and I won’t take that for granted again.” Y/N said to Jake, reaching up to push stray hairs away from his face. The boy couldn’t help but smile at the contact, missing her touch more than anything.

“So then…I can be your boyfriend again?” Jake asked, looking at the girl with hopeful eyes. Y/N nodded excitedly, giggling when Jake’s smile widened. He leaned down to kiss her, savoring the feeling of her lips against his after months of being apart.

Y/N pulled away slightly when she felt tears fall against her face. She wiped under Jake’s eyes with her sleeve before leaving a kiss on his nose. The boy couldn’t help but let a few tears slip, feeling overjoyed at the thought of Y/N being his again. He hadn’t been himself for a while, to the point where everyone around him noticed. But seeing the love of his life waiting for him in his dorm after being apart for a while made every emotion he had come crashing down.

“Please don’t cry, you’re gonna make me cry too.” Y/N groaned, making Jake giggle and pull her back into his arms. The two stood there for a while, slowly rocking back and forth while holding onto each other as if they never would again.

“We’re going to be okay, Y/N. We’ll figure everything out.” Jake spoke after a while, still holding Y/N close and stroking her hair. The girl nodded against his shoulder before letting out a small sigh.

“I know. But this time i’m willing to do whatever it takes to be with you. Even if I have to withstand more spitting on my shoes.” Y/N replied, a teasing smile on her face.

“I’m sorry you have to go through that, love.” Jake mumbled, moving his hand down to her back to run soothing circles.

“It’s alright. It’s worth it for the most incredible boy I’ve ever met.”

BONUS.

“You didn’t even see the spider-man flowers I got you.” You whined, pointing to the crumbled mess on the ground. Jake gasped, dropping to his knees as he tried to fix the bouquet.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I just got so excited. This is really cool by the way, you’re too good to me.” Jake apologized, standing up with the flowers and giving you a sheepish smile. You let out a small laugh, leaning over to kiss his cheek.

“You’re lucky I love you, Sim Jaeyun.”

“Do you mind saying that again…and maybe fifty more times? I don’t think I heard you correctly.”

A/N. and that is it for ‘why her?’!! i’m so sorry if this chapter seems rushed i honestly just rlly wanted to finish it and get it out there. i hope you guys enjoyed and im rlly thankful for everyone who’s been following along! i love reading your comments it makes my day <3

previous | masterlist | the end :)

taglist. @junityy @super-amberlynn @jvjsssnaa @dreamiesformula @deepdeancloudspy @syazzzlisa @nnana2 @hkkbrosdienagge @iheartjayke @chappellraon @yelshin @yunville @4xiaojun @ramenoil @desistay @mandoscyare @nikiswifereal27 @mitchii @eternallyhyucks @bgomtori @woninluv @theyluvfrankocean @iilwji @herebyaccident0 @geombyu @vixensss @oldjws @moon4moony @kimsunoops @sainthoma @rosas-in-the-garden @shiikan0iin @skz8love @lycxee @chloelr60

[ohmyamor]

6:47pm

You stare with your mouth open wide at the small device clutched in your hands. 

Fingers twitching, you bring the lit-up screen concerningly close to your face, squinting your eyes at the picture at on your phone. 

“Is his hair...purple?” you whisper out loud. 

Not that there was anyone else in the room with you, but still. You weren’t sure if you could believe your eyes.

The sudden ringing sound signaling you were receiving an incoming call startled you out of your trance. Taking a glance at the caller id, you can’t help but snort. 

Speak of the fucking devil. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi sweetheart,” Jongho’s voice rang out through your speaker. 

“You don’t deserve to call me that.” 

You listened as Jongho sputtered, letting out an incomprehensible string of words. 

“Huh?”

“You don’t deserve to call me ‘sweetheart’ after what you did,” you repeated. 

“I’m sorry, did I do something to upset you? Or bother you? I know I haven’t been able to stop by, but you know how it gets when promotions start. I promise you baby, as soon as I get the chance I’ll rush over to your place and we can spend as much time as you want together. I’ll event take you to that cafe you’ve been wanting to try,” Jongho rambles through the line.

A small smile worms its way onto your face. You almost start to feel a little bad about scaring him like that, but another glance at the picture on your phone has you feeling betrayed all over again. 

“Honey? Are you there?” 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were going to dye your hair purple,” you pout. 

“I-what?”

“And I had to find out through pictures of your stage today. Seriously, I can’t believe you would do this to me jjong.” 

A laugh of disbelief rings through your speaker. 

“Is that what this is about? You’re pouty because I didn’t show you my hair color?” 

As soon as he finishes speaking, Jongho begins to let out loud laughs that echo throughout your room. 

“Don’t laugh at me! This is serious!” you argue. “I thought I was the love of your life! But you didn’t even tell me you were finally going purple. And when did you even get a chance to do that? We literally video chatted last night and you were at the dorms with the guys.” 

More laughs come from Jongho’s end. 

“I wanted it to be a surprise, especially because I know how much you’ve wanted me to do a fun color with my hair. And for your information, I had to wake up super early today to get it done.” 

You sigh and click your tongue. 

“Just because you look hot with purple hair doesn’t mean you’re off the hook Choi.” 

Jongho hums. 

“I’m willing to deal with the consequences.” He’s quiet for a moment before speaking again. “So, you think I look hot?”

A smile makes it’s way onto your face and you can’t help but roll your eyes. 

“You’re always hot, but something about the purple...,” you trail off. “Very nice.” 

Jongho lets out a small giggle and you can’t stop the fuzzy feeling that blossoms in your chest hearing him laugh. 

“Well I’m glad you approve. And I can’t wait to show it to you in person. I miss you baby,” Jongho’s voice becomes softer towards the end of his sentence. 

“I miss you too, but you and the guys are doing absolutely amazing this comeback. Seriously, you guys always do freaking amazing, but this comeback you guys are really glowing, so continue to go out there and make me and atiny’s proud,” you cheer him on. 

Although you can’t see him, you know Jongho well enough to imagine the smile that most likely sits on his face from your words. 

“Thank you, sweetheart.” 

Distantly, you can hear what sounds like Hongjoong’s voice calling for the boys. 

“I have to go now, but I promise to text you when I get back to the dorms. I love you,” Jongho says. 

“I love you too, jjong. Get some rest.” 

After hanging up the phone, you spend a few more minutes scrolling through Twitter and saving some of your favorite pictures of Jongho. You’re about to get up and begin getting changed when an idea strikes you. 

You send one last text to your boyfriend before going to the bathroom. 

Should I dye my hair purple too? We can match ;)

When you come back, Jongho’s reply makes you laugh. 

Don’t mess with my heart like that baby. 

But if you do, please give me a warning. 

                                         ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

RIBOS HOW ARE WE DOING???

bc im not okay lol I woke up to those pictures and immediately spammed my friends. 

i think he’s genuinely trying to kill me but its okay 

[babydollmarauders]

QUESTION…? — QUINN HUGHES

quinn hughes x fem!reader

part of the Midnights Fic List

summary: in which Quinn and sunshiny good girl, y/n, have harbored feelings for each other for a while. but when they finally hookup, Quinn leaves in the middle of the night and let’s y/n believe maybe it was just a one night fling.

specific lyrics: “good girl, sad boy.” and “did you ever have someone kiss you in a crowded room and every single one of your friends was making fun of you but fifteen seconds later they were clapping too? then what did you do? did you leave her house in the middle of the night?”

warnings: kinda steamy but no NSFW. profanity.

notes: it does get a little steamy but there is no actual smut in this, i apologize if you were expecting some! i wrote this while watching the UMich game and i have the worst migraine, so i’m sorry if this sucks.

not my gif

contrary to popular belief, i’m not oblivious to the irony of Quinn Hughes and i being best friends. the optimistic, always happy, constantly smiling hopeless romantic being best friends with the pessimistic, always looks miserable, rarely smiling hockey player? yeah, it’s baffled our other friends for years.

but when asked, i can’t really explain it. Quinn and i just click. we know what makes the other happy, or sad, or angry. it’s easy for us to be around each other. and we’re understanding of each other. i don’t push him to talk, and he’s one of the rare few who will just sit and listen to me ramble without asking me to shut up. as like all best friends we’re really close. we like to think we have no secrets. that we tell each other everything.

but, i have one.

i’m in love with my best friend.

i never meant for it to happen. when we became friends, i was actually glad to finally meet a guy that just wanted to be friends. no underlying motives, no moves being pulled. just friends. but eventually my feelings changed. it wasn’t all at once, like i read about in my romance novels. no. the changes were gradual. it started slowly, with me seeking him out more than my other friends. then it turned into getting butterflies in my stomach when we touched, no matter if we were holding hands, linked arms, or if i was just sitting close enough to him on the couch that our thighs touched. at first i chalked it up to him just being my best friend, but then the dreams started happening. dreams where he and i were dating. and eventually sleeping dreams turned into daydreams. and then i finally realized my true feelings. i’m in love with my best friend.

i’ve spent the better half of our four year friendship hiding my feelings from him, too scared that confessing might ruin our friendship. he’s never given me any reason to assume that he feels the same way, so i keep my feelings locked in a box in the back of my mind, only let free when i’m alone and daydreaming about what life would be like if we were more than friends.

i’ve since then gone on several dates with numerous guys, trying to find someone who makes me feel the way Quinn does, but it’s been a moot effort. every guy has been missing the spark that i feel between Quinn and i. and i always end up back to the beginning, spending my nights hanging out with my best friend and just hoping i’m strong enough not to spill my secret.

which brings us to now, where i’m mentally screaming over how good Quinn looks in his white button down shirt and black dress pants. it’s new year’s eve, and most of the Canucks team, their partners, and a few friends are lounged around Elias’s house. with five minutes until the new year, i’m sat on the couch clutching a glass of champagne, my sixth of the night, and animatedly chatting with Quinn, who looks like he would rather be anywhere else. but i’ve learned by now that that’s just his resting facial expression.

“alcohol makes you chatty, doesn’t it y/n?” Elias laughs from his spot in the chair a few feet away from us. i stop talking, letting out a weak chuckle. it’s not like i’m unused to comments like that, i’m often told that i talk a lot, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting a little.

“it does. but i like it. i like listening to her talk.” Quinn defends. my heart flutters in my chest at his words. a blush coating my cheeks. “now back to what you were saying, y/n.”

i blink a few times, just staring at my best friend in front of me before i begin to speak.

“oh. i was just saying that i think my parents want me to visit soon. but i was done speaking.” i shrug.

“no, you weren’t.” Quinn’s brows furrow and he wears a scowl. “you were still talking.”

“well, i was about done anyways. but i can keep talking.” Quinn’s lips quirk in a half smile and he nods for me to continue. “well, i do think the concept of new years is pretty weird. and some of the traditions that people have are weird as well. like-”

i’m cut off by the simultaneous chants of the people surrounding us. counting down from ten. i smile and my face lights up. i love this part of the holiday.

“SEVEN! SIX! FIVE!” i sigh as i watch couples pair off, ready to kiss their other half a happy new year, a longing look in my eye. i feel Quinn shift beside me, his thigh pressing closer into mine. but my eyes are locked on my friends all smiling at their significant others, so happy and in love. i want that.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” i’m snapped out of my thoughts by a hand grasping my chin. my face is turned and i’m able to catch a quick glimpse of Quinn’s eyes before my lips are covered by his. his hands move to cup my face, his lips moving over mine. it takes me a second of hesitation to realize what’s happening and my heart speeds up. i snap out of my trance in time to move my lips, locking us into a slow and passionate kiss.

“GO HUGGY! FINALLY!” i hear someone yell and everyone laughs, cracking jokes about how long it took for us to kiss. Quinn pulls back to lock eyes with me, his chest rising and falling with quick breaths. he gives me a small smile before leaning in and capturing my lips with his once more. our friends start clapping and i smile into the kiss, making him pull away once again. this time he pulls away completely, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me close to him.

what did that mean? does he like me the way that i like him? or was it just a midnight kiss between friends? is this gonna change anything, or are we just going to move past this like it didn’t happen? does he realize how much this means to me? my head is swarmed with questions that i may never know the answers to.

i stay glued to his hip for the rest of the night, my head still reeling from the kiss. not long after midnight, everyone starts to head home, and i follow Quinn out to his car so he can give me a ride. he opens the passenger seat for me, helping me in before shutting it and jogging around the front of the car, slipping into the drivers seat. the drive is unusually quiet, my usual chattiness drifted away after our kiss. instead i’m stuck inside my own mind, still wondering what it meant. when he pulls up and parks in a spot outside my apartment complex, he turns to look at me, and i manage a smile.

“you okay?” he asks. “you’ve been quiet.”

“yeah, i’m fine. just figured i’d give you a reprieve.” i joke. his expression tells me he didn’t appreciate my attempt.

“don’t do that.” he says.

“do what?”

“don’t let what Elias said get into your head. i love that you never stop talking. i like seeing you happy.”

okay he needs to stop talking before i do something monumentally stupid. like kiss him again.

“don’t worry, Quinny. i’m not gonna go silent on you. i was just joking.” i smile. “who else can i talk about all my star wars theories with, without them calling me a nerd?”

he laughs and unbuckles his seatbelt.

“you wanna come in and drink some wine while i tell you about how i think Palpatine is actually Anakin’s father?” i ask, and he nods.

“what else would i do?” he jokes sarcastically.

we get out of the car and Quinn leads the way up to my apartment, having been here hundreds of times in the past four years. i unlock my door and call out to my cat that i’m home. within seconds she comes around the corner, and Quinn scoops her up in his arms, cradling her like a baby. i listen to him coo at her as i grab a bottle of wine off my kitchen counter and pour two glasses.

within a few minutes, Quinn and i are sat on my bed, drinking our wine as i lay my feet in his lap and talk to him about my theory. Quinn listens intently, as if he hasn’t already heard it a million times, and absentmindedly lays his hand on my ankle, sending a spark up my leg.

“anyways, enough about that.” i finish. “how’s your mom? i heard you on the phone with her earlier. I miss Ellen.”

he smiles, a rare genuine grin at the mention of his family.

“she’s good.” he nods. “she misses you too. keeps telling me to bring you to the lake house this summer.”

“we’ll if that’s your way of offering, then i accept.” i tell him before joking- “i miss my favorite Hughes brother.”

“there’s no way that Luke is your favorite. i call bullshit.”

“you call bullshit every time i say it, but i still remain adamant. he’s the sweetest.” i tease. “he told me last summer that if i ever decide that i like younger guys, he’ll take me out. maybe i’ll finally take him up on that offer.”

Quinn raises an eyebrow, tickling the inside of my ankles as he speaks.

“oh please. he wouldn’t know how to handle you.”

i bark out a laugh and nudge his thigh with my foot.

“and just what is that supposed to mean?” i ask.

“it means that whatever man you finally decide is good enough for you, needs to appreciate you. he needs to love how much you like to speak, and your hopeless romantic side. he needs to appreciate that you always look on the bright side of things, and find a silver lining in everything. he needs to remember that you’re a sunrise person, preferring the beginning of a new day rather than the end, so you prefer your dates as brunch or picnics or going to a museum rather than dinner or a movie. and Luke is not that guy.”

my heart melts at his words. the fact that he knows these things about me and believes that i deserve to find someone who won’t make me compromise those parts of myself.

and there i go, doing something monumentally stupid, because before i can take a second to think before i react, i lean over and press my mouth to his. his lips lock with mine, moving slowly. i open my mouth, letting his tongue roam freely over mine. Quinn grasps my hips, pulling me in closer so that i’m straddled over his lap, and i roll my hips, lightly grinding down onto him, making him let out a groan.

he tastes like red wine and mint, an odd combination, but not a bad one. his hands slip under my top, skimming my bare skin as he settles them at my waist and pulls me closer. my chest is flush against his now, every breath i take making my nipples brush against his chest, sending pleasure driven shivers down my body, straight to my core.

“please.” i whisper against his lips.

“please what, y/n?” his voice is raspy, laced with lust and seduction.

“please Quinn. please fuck me.” i whimper as he pulls me down to roll over his quickly hardening length.

“whatever you want, baby.”

**

my eyes squint against the light coming in from my bedroom windows as i finally come to. it takes me a couple seconds to remember why i’m naked. and when the memories of the night before flash in my mind, i smile, rolling over in my bed to face Quinn. but his spot is empty. i reach over to feel cold sheets. he’s been gone awhile.

when did he leave? why did he leave?

tears prick at the back of my eyes, but i blink them away. he could just be in the kitchen. rising from my bed, i throw on an oversized t-shirt and some underwear as i glance around my room. his clothes are gone, the only ones left scattered on my floor being my own, sending another sinking feeling in my gut.

i leave my room, walking to my kitchen only for it to be empty. i check my bathroom, my living room, and my guest room, only for all of them to come up empty as well.

he left.

i finally let my tears fall, collapsing on my couch. i thought maybe he liked me, but was last night just an easy fuck for him? did he not want me in the way that i want him? in a relationship sense?

**

it’s been four days since Quinn and i slept together, and we haven’t spoken or seen each other in those days. it’s not unusual for us to not talk or see each other for a few days, but after our night together, i wasn’t expecting the complete silence. i told myself i would confront him the next time i see him, but the thought makes me anxious.

with the Canucks having two nights off in a row, a lot of them are going out to a bar, and as a close friend of the team, i was invited. Andrei didn’t tell me who all is coming though, so as i walk into the bar right now, i worry over the possibility of being confronted with Quinn.

my eyes roam the bar, searching for my friends, and when i finally spot them, i feel both relieved and anxious. i don’t see Quinn. i make my way over to them, giving hugs and fist bumps as i say my hello’s.

“i’m gonna go order a drink.” i let them know, but as i turn around, i see Quinn, who seems to be returning from the restroom. we lock eyes and he veers course, coming to a stop in front of me.

“hey.” he greets me, pulling me into a quick hug. my arms stay glued to my sides.

“hey.” i say weakly. before i can lose my confidence i speak again. “can we talk?”

Quinn nods and tips his head over towards an empty booth across the room. i lead the way over to it, taking a seat on one side while he takes the seat across from me.

“what’s up?” he asks, and i take a second to study his expressionless face. does he really not know what this is about?

“can i ask you a question?” i ask.

“yeah, of course.” he replies. he lifts the hat off his head and sweeps a hand through his hair before replacing the hat. i swallow the lump in my throat and take a deep breath.

“why did you leave?” i manage to get out.

“what?”

“that night. why did you leave? i woke up the next morning and you were gone.” i explain. he opens his mouth but i continue speaking. “i just need to know. did it mean nothing to you? because that night meant everything to me. and i was under the impression that it may have meant something to you, but then you left without even saying goodbye and it made me feel…cheap. so i just want you to be honest with me Quinn, did it? mean anything to you?”

Quinn’s nostrils flare and he winces, as if my words were hard for him to hear.

“of course. it meant so much to me, y/n. but it all happened so fast and right after i said those nice things. so, i laid awake overthinking. and i got it into my head that maybe you were just overwhelmed with what i had said and acted on impulse. that maybe it was just one night for you. and i could take that, so i left. i thought maybe that’s what you wanted me to do.” his voice is soft, barely audible over the commotion of the bar, and his words only make me more upset.

“so you didn’t think to talk to me? you just left?” my words are sharp, my tone incredulous. “if you would’ve talked to me then you would’ve known that i really like you, Quinn. i’ve been in love with you for two years. i wanted that night to happen. it wasn’t just a night for me. was the decision impulsive? maybe. but i thought about that happening between us for years. i wanted it. i want you. not just for one night, but forever.”

his hand snakes across the table, clasping my own.

“i want you too. forever. god, y/n, i’ve been in love with you since i met you. but i knew how much you’d been through with past relationships and i didn’t want to push you. and then when i thought enough time had passed, i didn’t want to ruin our friendship, so i took you in any way i could have you. if that was just as your best friend, then so be it. but i don’t want to be your best friend anymore, y/n/n.”

my head reels with his words, thinking back over them. wait what?

“what?” i whisper, my voice shaky.

“if you can forgive me for being an idiot and jumping to conclusions, i’d really like to be your boyfriend.”

my heart races, and i look into his eyes, seeing nothing but sincerity.

“i’d really like that. but you can’t leave me like that again, Quinn.”

“i don’t think i ever want to leave you again.” he tells me. he stands, taking my hand in his and pulling me up so hard that i crash into his chest. he wraps his arms around my waist, leaning down and letting his lips graze mine, smiling. “my mom is gonna freak when i tell her we’re finally dating.”

my head drops back in a laugh before i tease-

“oh no, how am i gonna break this to Luke?”

[every1studio]

“sour apples” [harry potter: draco malfoy]

genre: fluff 

ficstyle: bulletpoints + mini series  

prompt: you're a hufflepuff, you could never fall in love with a slytherin.. let alone draco malfoy, can you...? / inspired by the lyrics from “sour grapes” by LESSERFIM  / fem reader but can be gender neutral 

note: I'm kinda back? sorry for the wait.. I'll try to get into writing again. still sticking to writing for k-idols but I'm going out on a limb and writing for HP characters as well // enjoy~

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“I don’t see what you all see in him.. he’s still an asshole..” you muttered as the slytherin prince walks passed your group of friends

“but he’s hot” your friend murmured as they noticed him look over 

“and rich”

“and he smells good..” 

he sends a wink to the group and every girl in the vicinity just about dropped their pants  

basically anyone who even thought the prince was attracted dropped their pants

all except for you 

he’s rude

he’s arrogant

he’s narcissistic 

but all is forgiven because he’s good-looking, his family’s got money and he has proper hygiene?

who’s this slytherin prince that all of these simps are drooling over?

draco

lucius

malfoy

you couldn’t be bothered by someone like him

you’d rather spend your time with someone who was the complete opposite of that self-centered, self-proclaimed “prince”

someone like harry potter

or so you thought

the more you hanged out with him 

the more predicable he was 

you wanted some spice in your life and all he was giving you was sugar

there’s nothing wrong with sugar but he was literally giving you diabetes and you could feel your arteries just clogging up

“hey y/n”

you knew by the cheery yet mellow tone of voice that it was harry 

your friends nudged at you before leaving 

“hiya harry” you sighed through a smile, “what can I do for you?”

you can tell he was nervous, he’s probably going to ask you out to get some sweets at honeydukes or madam puddifoot’s tea shop or sometime of the sort

“did you want to go to honeydukes some time this weekend? or maybe even madam puddifoot’s tea shop?”

bingo 

you got up from your spot

brushing off some invisible dust to try to shoo off the unwavering tension in the air 

“harry.. can I be honest?”

you could see his bright eyes slowly dull and his sweaty hands hide in the pockets of his robes 

he nods

you tried to look anywhere but into his sadden eyes

“you’re... you’re not the guy for me, harry.. and I know there’s a girl out there who’s just waiting for you to be in her life but..”

at this moment you felt like you owed him a sincere eye contact moment

“..it’s not me.. it’s just not me..”

“yeah. sure. no worries. don’t worry about it...” 

you could see him ramble; a mix of awkwardness and him not wanting to show how upset he really was

“harry.. you’re a great guy...you really are...” 

you were almost whispery, scared to shatter his broken heart even more 

“but not for you”

you nodded at your feet

“but not for me” you repeated

not wanted to look up at the boy that you left smashed and shattered 

“I’ll be okay, y/n.. honest.. don’t look so sad.. I’m just glad that you were able to tell me now versus later down the line..”

you couldn’t stop thinking about the pitiful state you left harry in

he literally needed his friends to carry him away 

it made you think about what kind of relationship you wanted to be in 

what kind of guy you wanted to be in your perfect fairytale

because if it wasn’t with harry

who else could it be with?

while lost in your thoughts, you accidently bumped into someone

books and papers where scattered everywhere but there was no one else in the halls but you and the person you bumped into

you were already frantically trying to pick up their things

“oh I’m so sor-”

“ARE YOU BLIND?!”

their loud voice ran over yours and you already knew who it was

you scoffed in immediate irritation

“excuse me, malfoy? if I’m blind, so are you! you also bumped into me! what makes you think you can walk in the middle of the hall like you own the place and not watch where you’re going?”

draco didn’t realized that he bumped into you 

he was so close to you

so close that he could see every single lash that flared up to the ceiling 

so close that he could hear your soft, angelic breaths

so close that he could kiss you if he wanted to 

of course he wanted to 

sure, you were a hufflepuff

but ever since he first saw you, he thought you were different

you were kind but strong-minded, strong-willed

you seemed like you were prim and proper, you didn’t care if you got your hands dirty 

you had the qualities of a hufflepuff but you could’ve gone to any house and fit right in

and of course, he thought you were absolutely stunning 

he even deemed you the princess of the entire school

the missing piece to his set; the princess that the prince needed

if only he could voice that thought

he never could though, he’d never let anyone know his deepest and darkest daydreams 

“it’s cause I do own these halls, sweetheart..”

you frowned at his attempt to swoon you

“sorry, I didn’t know you were the headmaster albus dumbledore.. next time I see a head of white hair, I’ll make sure to walk the other way..”

you dropped his belongings on the ground and began to walk away from him

“aren’t you going to help me, y/n?” draco called out to you, wondering why you weren’t infatuated with him like everyone else 

“they’re your things in your halls.. apparently... pick it up yourself!” you shouted without looking behind you 

what a snobby brat, you thought

but what a shame... he really is attractive up close 

after your run-in with draco, you couldn’t stop thinking about what if you were like the other girls 

the girls who were infatuated with him

the girls who wanted a chance with him

would you want to?

maybe he isn’t the same person as he’s portraying to the public eye 

at the same time, draco was thinking about why didn’t you call him by his first name like all the girls who are smitten by him and how he was going to get you to fall for him

how could you not? 

he scratched at his head trying to figure out reasons why you didn’t like him

did you not like rich, successful, smart and handsome guys?

did his breath smelled at that moment?

were his grey eyes too grey?

was his platinum blonde hair too platinum?

he was so frustrated, he ran to his friends in the great hall for advice

“hey you lot, what are my flaws?” 

draco slammed his hands on the slytherins’ table where his friends all sat 

“are you okay, draco?” pansy fawned over the blonde boy

blaise chuckled

“yeah, draco.. did you hit your head or somethi-”

“I’m fine! just answer my questions.. what are some reasons someone might not like me?”

his friends all looked at each other, worried that what they say might set him off

“okay but you can’t get mad,” theo said with stern eyes 

“yeah yeah yeah.. go on... what are they?” draco didn’t know what he was getting himself into

“you can be... a bit mean..” crabbe didn’t even dare to make eye contact with the agitated blonde

“and a bit self-centered,” goyle chimed in

“you’re an ass and a pain in everyone’s asses”

blaise shouldn’t have said that with a smile on his face

“you think you’re all that but you’re not,” theo and blaise were just happy that they got to shit on draco to his face

“I think you’re perfect,” pansy tried to hide her blushing smile 

“that’s not what asked of us, pansy..” blaise was so done with her 

“yeah chill out, he’s not even interested in you..” theo joined in

he was literally just there for the banter 

pansy just slumped back into her seat when she noticed draco wasn’t even going to deny that he was interested in her 

“speaking of interested, what’s your sudden interest in what other people think of you anyways draco?” 

blaise always knew there was an underlying reason draco did anything and he was gonna get to the bottom of it 

“none of your business,” draco muttered as he shuffled away

“what a weirdo..” theo chuckled as he went back to his dino chicken nuggets 

if his friends thought about this of him, what would people he didn’t like think of him?

he wanted to show you his good side, his best side

not the side that everyone saw 

he wanted to show the side that he hid away to his friends and even his parents

the closet romantic who just wants someone who will love his flaws and enhance his good qualities

as if luck was on his side, you were right there, walking along side your friends

you were irritated by your friends because you told them about your run-in with draco and all they could talk about was how lucky you were

and as if bad luck was on your side, draco malfoy stopped right in front of you and your friends

“hey y/n.. I was wondering if..” he had to take a breath in the middle of his sentence, “I was wondering if you wanted to help me study for our potions quiz tomorrow?”

“why are you asking me like someone made you ask me? don’t you have other friends to help you study, malfoy?” you snapped

“draco, I can study with you!” 

“I’m free too, draco!”

your friends started chiming in while closing in on him

hoping for a chance to get any essence of draco malfoy

you were slowly closing into the background but you didn’t care, you didn’t want to be near him 

he probably liked the attention anyways

to your surprise, he weaved his way through the crowd to get to you

the only attention he wanted was yours

“I really wanted to ask you because you are one of the top students in our class and I could learn a lot from you..” 

like a flick of a wand, you saw draco in a different light

you could catch a baby blue sliver of hope in his eyes that twinkled 

is it possible for eyes to even twinkle like that?

is it possible to even trust him? 

did he have any ulterior motives?

if there was any, you couldn’t find it.. not in those eyes anyways

“I don’t even know if I can even help you study in a day...” you furrowed your brows but your voice was soft

you kind of wished that he just said, alright, and walk away

“if anyone can teach me in a day, I know it’s you... I mean.. you managed to help cedric with his OWLs and he passed.. or so I heard...” 

draco kept his eyes down for the most part but occasionally looked up to take a peek at you and was shuffling his feet against each other

have you ever seen draco shuffle his feet before or even for anyone? 

a day with draco malfoy wouldn’t be so awful, right?

“I’ll meet you after dinner in the library.. if you aren’t there by 9pm.. don’t even think about asking me to help you study ever again..” you spoke firmly, you didn’t want him thinking that he can easily take advantage of you

the bell rung for students to get to class

“I won’t be late, y/n! I promise!” draco lit up and started walking away to make sure he wasn’t late to class

but then as soon as you turned your back to draco, he was running back towards you

“wait y/n!” 

you were taken aback by his sudden appearance and how close he was to you

he took your hands into his and placed a chaste kiss onto your knuckles, “thank you.. I really mean it.. can’t wait to see you later..”

and as fast as he appeared, he disappeared 

if he didn’t leave as fast as he did, you would probably catch his redden cheeks and ears 

he felt like a giddy schoolgirl (he probably looked like it too)

but he didn’t care

you, on the other hand, were conflicted by your prior feelings of him and the feelings you had for him now 

you didn’t want to deal with your friends bickering about how you got his attention so you blocked them out and made your way to your class

why was draco so interested in you all of a sudden?

did he actually have feelings for you?

should you even try to go for the impossible? 

should you even try to go for someone as rude, arrogant and narcissistic as draco lucius malfoy?

with all of these uneasy feelings, class was the only thing that could put any of your feelings aside and focus on something else 

that’s what you thought

you couldn’t stop thinking about his twinkly grey eyes, his platinum blonde hair and his...

why were you even thinking about him in divination class?

“my dear...” professor trelawney reached out to you

“you will see that there’s an apple high on a tree, unattainable and basking in it’s glory.. but you have to work for it.. if you want a taste.. only then, you will be happy.. but my dear if you give up... you’ll never know if the apple is truly sweet or sour... and you’ll continue life without knowing, if the apple was worth it or not...” 

you looked at her in confusion (also kind of weirded out)

you just nodded so that she’d go bother someone else 

leaving you to marinate about what she just said

was she really just talking about an apple or was it an analogy for your current inner conflicts with the slytherin prince?

to be continued...

[part one] [part two]

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[ masterlist + guidelines ]

[walkingintheheartbreaksatellite]

Hiiiii there! I really liked your Meltdown one shot! It made me think about Save My Life and if you wanted could you write something about that song? I had an idea but you don't have to do it. But what if Niall is having a hard time after 1D break up and when he meets y/n she basically gives him the motivation and encouragement to write his own songs and have a solo career?? Only if you want to do that or even write it.

Thank you so much lovely!!! That means so much!!!🥹 I hope this is everything you hoped for! I do try when writing for this precious baby.

Save My Life

Niall Horan x Reader

Summary- Niall was depressed. He was lacking motivation and he wasn’t sure what to do anymore. But one day, he meets someone who just might save him.

(Wrote this in Niall’s pov so I hope it’s okay!)

Niall’s POV

January 2016, London

It had been a long couple months since we agreed to take a hiatus, and the boys all got to work on their own thing. But me? I don’t even know where to start… It came so easy to me before and now? I can’t even think.

I decided to get out for a bit, and visit a new pub Harry had been telling me about. I decide to take a walk there, needing the fresh air after being trapped inside in an attempt to write.

I enter the almost empty pub and I’m greeted by the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. She smiles at me and my stomach fills with butterflies, something that hasn’t happened in a very long time.

“Hey! What can I get for you?”

I smile and take a seat across from her at the bar.

“Just a pint of Guinness, please.”

She smiles and makes it quickly before she slides it over to me.

“Would you like to start a tab?”

I think about it for a second before nodding.

“Yeah I think so. But shouldn’t you check my ID?”

She giggles and shakes her head before giving me a smile.

“No need. I know who you are, Niall. I know you’re old enough. But not like in a bad way because you’re not old-I mean not that I have a problem with older people but…Sorry I’m just rambling now.”

I laugh and shake my head.

“No worries. I appreciate it. What was your name? I don’t think I caught it.”

She smiles and her eyes glow in the light.

“That would be because I never gave it to you. It’s Y/N.”

I tilt a pretend hat and she lets out another beautiful laugh.

“So what’s a girl like you doing working here, Y/N?”

She dries another glass as she looks back at me.

“Just putting myself through school. Going to school overseas isn’t cheap and I’ve got aspirations in life. What about you, Mr. Pop star? Surely you’ve got plenty going on but yet you’re in a bar by yourself on a Wednesday night.”

I let out a sigh and I grip my glass with both hands.

“I guess it’s just been hard since the band went on hiatus. The boys are starting to all branch out and do their own things and I… don’t know. I’ve got so much pent up creativity and no idea how to get it out.”

She nods and puts her rag down before she leans on her elbows and looks at me.

“So you’re in a creative funk and you’re unsure if you can actually do it? Here’s my advice. Don’t compare yourself to others. You’re your own person, Niall. Not Harry, not Louis, you’re Niall. And that is enough. Do what feels right.”

I smile a little and nod.

“Are you in school to be a therapist, Y/N? You’d make a great one.”

She laughs and shakes her head.

“Actually, I want to be a writer. But for now, bartending keeps a roof over my head. I’m glad to be of help though. Got some inspiration ?”

I nod with a big smile. I finish my drink and slide a few pounds to her.

“Thanks Y/N. I think I should get to it before I lose the lightbulb!”

She nods and waves. Her smile is the last thing I see before I turn my back to her and I’m out the door, heading home.

October 19th, 2017

I storm into the pub, as usual, but this time, I’m not as calm as I usually am.

“Y/N! Y/N, you have to help me! I’m freaking out!”

She raises a brow and sets down her rag as I walk up to the counter.

“Niall? What’s wrong? Why do you look so upset? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for your listening party?”

I shake my head and place my hands on the counter,

“I can’t. I’m freaking out! They’re gonna hate it! I’m gonna fail and it’s-.”

She places her hands on my shoulders and it grabs my attention.

“Calm down. You’re gonna do great! Your music is so unique, Niall. No one could be like you. You are one of a kind, Niall Horan. Your fans are going to love your album just as much as they love you. So don’t worry, okay? It’ll be great.”

I let out a sigh and I give her a small smile.

“Would you… Would you come with me? I- I really want you to be there…”

Her eyes widen and her mouth drops.

“A-Are you sure? I don’t want to impose-.”

I smile and shake my head.

“I want you there, Y/N. You’re my friend. Of course I want you there!”

She sighs and I smile, pulling her around the pub and out the door before she can argue.

>>>———————->

August 2018

I’m finally home from tour, or at least back in London, and the first place I go is the pub. As soon as I walk in, Y/N’s eyes train on me immediately. Her eyes light up and she runs through the empty room and pounces on me, hugging me tight.

“Niall! Oh my god! You’re back!”

I smile and nod, hugging her right before pulling away.

“I missed you, Y/N. I really did. Talking on the phone wasn’t enough…”

She looks at me confused and I let out a sigh.

“Y/N… I have feelings for you. I’ve never felt this way before… With anyone. I-I think I love you. A-And I understand if you don’t feel the same but-.”

Before I can say anything else, she cuts me off and surprised me with a kiss. I melt into her touch, pulling her closer to me as our lips move in sync until she finally pulls away with a smile.

“I love you, Niall. I feel the exact same.”

I hug her tight and hold her close, afraid to let go.

>>>——————->

March 22nd, 2020

I hear the front door open as I slump on the couch in the living room of my London home. Y/N comes in, a worried expression on her face.

“Niall…”

I hold my arms open to her and she climbs in my lap, laying her head on my chest. She lays her legs across my lap and I instinctively wrap my arms around her.

“They had to let me go… A-And your album! You were gonna tour with Lewis! A-And now-.”

I let out a small fry as I hold her close, running my fingers through her hair.

“I-I know, Petal. But it’ll be okay… I hope… You’ll move in with me. We’ll quarantine together. That way you can focus on school and you won’t have to look for another job. Okay? Does… Does that sound okay?”

She’s quiet for a minute before she nods against my chest. Things were rough, but at least I had her.

>>>——————->

June 2020

I sit at the piano, agonizingly as I attempt to be productive. Quiet patter of feet echos through the house until I feel someone sit next to me on the bench. Y/N. I turn my attention to her and she runs her fingers through my hair.

“You okay? I could hear you dropping f bombs all the way from our room.”

I sigh and shake my head.

“I-I’m frustrated, Y/N. I’m tired of this… I didn’t get to tour and I just- I don’t know… The most I can do is go live on Instagram… that’s not exactly a concert…”

She kisses my cheek and I sigh again.

“You’ll be able to put in your show, I promise. You’re doing what you can right now and that’s all we can do, babe. It’ll come to you. But you don’t have to do it alone. I’ll be here. Every step.”

I smile and peck her lips.

“I think you saved my life, Y/N. And you do every day.”

She pecks my lips a few times and loops an arm through mine.

“And you saved mine.”

The next day

I find myself back at the piano and for the first time since lockdown started… I feel inspired. Extremely inspired. I want to write a show.

>>>————————->

January 2023

“Please Niall? You said you finished it! I want to listen! I love your music! You know I do!”

I laugh and shake my head as Y/N clings to me with a pout.

“I’m sorry Petal, but I can’t do that. You’ll just have to wait like everyone else.”

She puts more and lets me go, folding her arms across her chest as she slumps on our bed.

“I should write a column on boyfriends keeping secrets from their girlfriends. I’ll get a lot of hits since YOU’RE KEEPING IT A SECRET FROM ME.”

I laugh and shake my head as I take my place next to her on the bed, taking her hand in mine.

“I promise, it will be worth the wait. Can you do that for me, Y/N? Just hold on a little longer. 5 months then it’s all yours.”

She sighs and squeezes my hand, giving me a small smile.

>>>———————->

June 9th, 2023

“Niall, please? It’s the release day! I just want to listen to it! I’ve only heard the bits you’ve teased!”

I laugh and shake my head, taking a seat next to her on the couch as I pull an AirPod out of the case and I place it in her ear.

“You can listen but I want you to listen to this one first. This album… I’m so proud of this one. This is everything I’ve ever wanted to make. And it’s all thanks to you. This is save my life.”

I hit play on my phone and she smiles as it begins to play.

Eyes are bloomin'

The floor is shakin'

Walls are movin'

Feelings changin' now

So, I'm rolling through it

Like I'm floatin' ten feet above the ground

As you float up to me

I just gotta tell you now

Ever since you walked in

I'm seein' a new light

Ever since you walked in

It's startin' to feel like

You might save my life

She tears up as she listens and before it’s over, I pull out the AirPod, much to her protest.

“Niall! I was-.”

I pull her into my arms and place my lips on hers, pecking her lips a few times before I whisper to her.

“You saved my life.”

She smiles and pecks my lips, cuddling up in my arms. I was lost before I met her. But she saved my life.

>>>—————————->

I hope that was okay! Thank you for requesting!!!! Please like and reblog! Let me know what you thought!

Please fill free to check out the rest of my writing!

Tag List

Those I couldn’t tag are in red!

@be-with-me-so-happily @swiftmendeshoran @babyiamperfectforyou @freedomfireflies

@kaminokatie @harrysmimi

@violetsandfluff @fruitmans @fruitmansrecs @strwbrrydaydreams

@rafaaoli @kimmi-kat

@cayleyhannha-blog @acesofspadess

@that-mcu-fan @styles-barnes-bitch

@purple9950

[menofchaos]

Coco

Part VI: His Eyes

Note: I’m not sure when I hit 1k followers but I wanna thank all of you from the bottom of my heart! Thank you for reading my stuff and loving these boys with me. In other news, I'm back with our favorite jailbird and her journey with our favorite sniper. If anyone wants more, please reblog, like, comment or let me know in my ask! I love hearing feedback on my stuff and talking about Coco ofc. Gif credit to the talented @thesewickedhands and divider credit to @spideyspeaches.

Part V

Coco,

I’m so sorry our visit got cut short. I was so fucking pissed. When I first got in here, I would cause trouble all the time. I don’t really have a life outside so I didn’t care if I got extra time. I haven’t really been rolling like that for a while because I’m fucking tired of doing time. I wanna drink and fuck and be outside. Do whatever I want, you know? But one of my bunkies allegedly got in a fight on the yard and the cops assumed I orchestrated it which is fucking stupid. They suspended my mail privileges “as a precaution.” Pendejos. You’re literally the only one I talk to. They just fuck with me when they can. We were just getting comfortable :( Hopefully those dickwads didn’t put you off to another visit? Or put you off me in general? I liked seeing you. Did you ever cut that girl off? How’s your daughter? I’m working on another tattoo for you. I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever and I don’t like it. 

Nyx

PS I miss those beautiful eyes

Nyx,

Ma I’m not gonna lie. I was worried. I’m glad you’re okay tho. COs are always shit. They definitely didn’t put me off you or another visit. I’ll check work tomorrow and let you know when I can come back. My first stint I felt the same way. No family who gives a fuck, friends who forget about you as soon as the cop car is around the block. When you get out, we’ll meet up and I’ll help you do all the things you missed. If you’re down. My kid is good, she thought it was so hilarious that I was worried. I don’t usually get worked up over women like that. I did cut the one chick off, sorta abandoned the whole roster now that I think about it. What are you drawing me now? I’m definitely missing watching you squirm from just looking at you. Be good so I can come back for a full visit.

Coco

PS and your drama ain’t a burden. I got you. 

Coco,

Your last letter made me feel more than my entire last relationship. Fuck. I’m good, I promise. All in one pretty little piece where you left me. Where do I even start? I believe you just offered to fuck me and the thought of your eyes during sex? I’m tingling. You were worried about me? Worked up about me? I have a feeling that doesn’t happen at all and that makes me happy. Because I don’t usually get attached easily either but I think I am. At least I feel it with you. I don’t wanna ruin this though, for once in my life. You’re saying all the right things which scares the shit out of me but in the way that makes me wanna keep going. Does that make sense? I might be rambling. I’m just happy that you’re still wanting to be around at all. You abandoned the roster?? How come? The new drawing is a surprise.

Nyx

PS you say that now. Wait till I fuck up.

Nyx,

You’re funny. Your ex really ain’t shit if one letter from me made you feel more than his whole time with you. But I like that. You really into my eyes baby? Cause I liked watching you. I’ll make you feel more than a tingle when I get my hands on you for real. You’re right, I don’t get attached. But you made a lot of sense because I felt like I was reading my own thoughts. I wanna be careful with this. With you. I’m not going anywhere. We just gotta go with it for now, see where it takes us. I got a brother who can teach you how to handle a tattoo machine if you wanna learn. Won’t treat you like a shitty apprentice or anything either. I checked my work schedule. Three weeks and I’ll be back. I promise. I didn’t abandon the roster on purpose. I guess I just got bored of them.

Coco

PS I fuck up too. So I get it.

Coco,

My ex definitely wasn’t shit. Storing my shit while I’m locked up is the nicest thing he ever did for me. Fuck, getting your hands on me? That’s what you’re gonna say to me? Remember tho, I told you no dude has ever got me off. I’m glad we’re on the same page about this. For once, it feels nice to give a fuck. Especially since I know you get me. I’ve always wanted to be a tattoo artist and learn how to tattoo the right way. I’ve done a few tattoos when I was locked up but that’s it. You don’t have to ask him if you don’t want to. I can figure something else out. THREE WEEKS?!!! :) I can’t wait. Can we hug this time? I wanna cop a feel ;)

Nyx

PS you always do.

Coco walked into the clubhouse, looking around quietly. Taza walked out from the bathroom, “Hermano,” he smiled, “You good?”

He nodded, “Yeah, man. You?”

Taza squeezed his shoulder, “All good. You looking for someone?”

“Hank?” he asked.

“He’s in the office,” Taza told him before heading to the bar.

Coco walked back outside, lighting a cigarette as he headed up to the office. When he opened the door, Hank was standing over Chucky’s shoulder with a stack of papers in his hand.

Chucky looked up and grinned, “Coco.”

Coco nodded, “Chucky. Hank.”

Hank glanced back at him through a pair of black rimmed glasses, “Bishop need me?”

“No, I uh…wanted to ask you something. Alone,” he added after a pause.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” Hank said and turned his attention back to the computer.

Coco went back outside but stayed close to the building, hiding from the harsh sun. He listened to Hank and Chucky go back and forth, a fond smile on his face. The door pushed open to reveal Hank, glasses off and no papers.

“Sorry, this customer keeps calling in, wanting impossible shit. Next time he starts demanding, I’m telling him to deal or I’m gonna beat his ass,” he shook his head as he lit a cigarette, “What’s up?” 

“I just had a favor to ask,” Coco murmured, “I have this…friend. She’s a dope artist and she wants to learn to tattoo.”

Hank smiled, “Have her come in, I’ll teach her.”

Coco put out his cigarette, “She can’t yet. She’s uh…she’s serving time.”

“This the girl I keep hearing about from the other guys?” Hank asked, “Why you were so upset a while back?”

He glanced over Hank’s shoulder at Gilly and Angel, cracking jokes and fixing a bike together. He nodded, “Yeah, she wrote me again. She’s alright.”

Hank followed his gaze and looked back at Coco, “You like this girl?“

Coco was smiling before he realized it, “Yeah. I do.”

“Good for you,” he pat Coco’s back, “Bring her in when she gets out. Teach her everything I know.”

“Thanks man,” Coco smiled, “I appreciate it.”

Hank nodded and went back in the office.

Nyx,

Would you rather me hold your stuff? We can hug this visit. I wanna cop a feel too. I can’t wait to see you baby. I remember you telling me no guy has ever gotten you off, bet I’ll be the first. I’ll come pick you up when you get out. Get you some tequila, take you to a beach house and make you cum all night. Order room service for whatever food you want. Sound like a good first day? I did a few things and you’re probably not gonna like them because I know you don’t like asking for shit. But I did it anyway. My brother said he’s down to teach you to tattoo when you get out. I also put money on your books. Not a lot. Stop glaring at me, I can feel the dirty look from here. Trust me, it’s for a selfish reason.

Coco

PS I gotta head out of town for a minute so I probably won’t be able to respond to your next letter until after my next visit. 10 days.

Coco,

You did not just offer to hold my stuff for me. And you sent money! Why? You’re right, I don’t like asking for shit. I don’t deserve you. What’s the selfish reason? That description of a first day made my nipples hard. Can it be a private beach so we can spend the whole time naked? Also thank your brother for me. My bunkie and your brother (same one?) are planning on meeting when she gets out. She has way less time than me. I don’t think I could’ve waited that long, not with the way those eyes made me feel when I saw them the first time. Ride safe, come to the visit in one piece please. 

Nyx

PS you’ll get your new drawing at the visit! 5 days!!!

Coco felt much different as he went through the motions for their second visit. He knew her better. He knew she felt something too. Something more. He sat down at the table, his eyes trained on the door. They swung open and he leaned back when a different inmate walked in. He heard a loud laugh from around the corner and his heart skipped. He stood up as Nyx walked in, a huge smile on her face as she joked with the woman in front of her. Her eyes found his while she was being uncuffed and her face lit up even more. 

“There you are,” she rubbed her wrists as she walked over.

“You okay?” he asked, stumbling when she threw herself into his arms.

Coco pulled her into a tight hug, smiling softly when he felt her tremble. He rubbed her back and closed his eyes, holding her close until a CO called her name. She sat down and looked away, bringing a hand up to her eyes.

“You okay?” he asked again, a little softer as he took her hand. He felt remnants of tears on her fingers, still watching her intently.

“Even your concerned stare makes me feel squirmy,” she joked, squeezing his hand, “I’m okay. I’m happy to see you. How was your trip?”

He smiled softly, “Long, too hot. Boring. Missed you.”

Nyx pushed some loose hair out of her eyes, “I missed you too. Now tell me why you put money on my books.”

“Cause I want you to call me,” he smirked, “Don’t wanna just hear your voice when I can make it over here.”

“You’re a secret romantic,” Nyx grinned.

He held up a finger to his lips and winked. She laughed and reached into her pocket. She set a folded piece of paper on the table.

“For me?” he asked, glancing at a curious CO.

“The drawing, remember?” she murmured, “I finished it. I mean, this one’s not really a tattoo. I just…started thinking about you and this came out.”

“Really?” Coco took the paper, “Should I look now?”

She nodded, “I didn’t get to see your reaction to the first one.”

He let her hand go and unfolded the paper, his eyes wide. It was a drawing of the two of them, Nyx in a bikini, Coco in swim trunks. It looked like a photo from a beach day. He looked up to see her fidgeting nervously with her id bracelet.

“This is crazy, baby,” he murmured, “You did all this from memory?”

“Yeah,” she smiled softly, “I kinda guessed on your tattoos and shit since I’ve only seen you dressed. So far,” Coco smirked, “But yeah.”

“Good enough till we get a real one,” he smiled and folded it back up, “I love it,” he tried to play it cool but it felt like his heart was about to fly out of his chest.

Her eyes lit up, “Really?”

He nodded, “Hell yeah,” he put it in his shirt pocket, “Thank you.”

“It was inspired by your offer on my first day out,” she admitted, lacing their fingers together when he reached out again.

“Just let me know the date and I’ll be here,” he said, squeezing her hand.

“I still have a while to go,” she told him, “I get it if you don’t want to wait.”

Coco watched her body language change as she offered him an out. He tightened his grip on her hand, “Hey, what’d I say?” he murmured, “I got you. I’m not letting you rot in here. Not anymore.”

Nyx looked away before he saw the tears pooling in her eyes. He squeezed her hand again and she smiled uneasily.

“You gotta stop saying all the right things,” she joked.

“So I shouldn’t ask if you want me to hold your stuff again?” he smiled.

She laughed and wiped her eyes, “I can’t even help you move it, so no. It’ll be fine.”

He shook his head, “Nah, I didn’t ask for help. I don’t want him to pull some shit but if you don’t want to, I won’t.”

She frowned, “I just don’t wanna be a - “

“You aren’t a burden, baby,” he murmured, “I offered. And I got a team of brothers ready to help.”

“It would be nice to be done with him,” she admitted, “I just…what if something bad happens to us?”

Coco laced their fingers together, “I won’t take it out on your stuff, I swear,” he crossed his heart with his free hand.

Nyx smiled, “Cross your heart?”

“Hope to die,” he winked, grinning when she laughed.

Nyx,

Replaying the way you clung to me during our second hug. How you felt in my arms. It’s been a long time since I felt anything like this. I got all your stuff. I wish you could’ve seen his face when I rolled up 6 deep. He was pale as fuck. It was hilarious. It’s in my garage for now. My kid won’t stop making fun of me and my brothers aren’t any better. But you’re worth it ma. Gonna start coming up to see you more. I showed my kid the drawing, she loved it. She said she’s gonna ask you to draw for her too. Would you be cool if she wrote you too? You can say no if you want. I miss you.

Coco

PS I figured out why I abandoned the roster

[lightwing-s]

Alfred's point of view of food!vlogger reader when they reach for the same apple and her talking about jason please🙏🙏🙏

Jason's pov

“Oh! I’m sorry sir,” Alfred heard you say after accidentally touching hands when you reached for the same apple at the stand. “You can have it”.

He noticed a pink blush taint your cheek, matching the color of your light sundress. A shy smile plastered on your face and apologetic eyes.

“It’s no problem,” he said. “These apples look pretty inviting and I’m sure there are plenty to feed an entire cloud of bats.” you laughed at his joke and he gave you a genuine smile in return. It’s been long he got to hear a similar sound, as life with Bruce had been growing gloomier by the day, and he missed his boys and their mess around the house, even if they always led him into more work. He was in desperate need of a glint of happiness.

Rainy and somber skies traded for bright and sunny ones. He was glad to leave Gotham for once, and felt a light sensation in his chest upon waking up this morning. “I’m sure you could find some great recipes to use these apples in.” he told you.

“They’d taste amazing, but I’m actually looking for strawberries. It’s been hard finding…”

“Good ones these days?” he cut you mid sentence. “I’ve been wanting to make strawberry tarts for a while but I don’t seem to ever find really good ones.”

“Isn’t it!?” you answered loudly. “Gosh, my boyfriend loves strawberry tarts and I’ve been having the same problem. What is it with their harvest recently, has any super villain decided to ruin them for us?”

It was now your turn to get a laugh out from Alfred, who accompanied you in a search for decent strawberries so you could feed your dear boyfriend his beloved tarts. He listened to you rambling about how sweet of a boyfriend yours was, and how much of a gentleman he was too. He was getting to know how you two got together when perfect looking, big and bright red strawberries popped in your line of view.

“Those look so good, Alfred.” You said, wrapping your arm around his and dragging him along to the stand where the strawberries were on.

“Well, Y/n. Now your boyfriend can get all the dessert he wished for.” You giggled, and you two started selecting the best ones out of the bunch. Then, you seemed to notice something familiar in the distance, and moved slightly away from where you once stood.

“Jason! Babe!” he heard you call someone he could only imagine was your boyfriend. Following your gaze, he saw a familiar tall build he would recognize anywhere, and laughed by himself at the coincidence. You both had the same person in mind when thinking of the strawberries, and were talking about this same person without noticing it was the same one. The world sure could be funny sometimes.

A funny feeling began to grow in his heart upon this realization. Seeing the way you looked at him, and the way Jason looked at you in return made his old heart warm up and this lightness fill his body. All those sweet words you’d been saying were meant to his Jason, and he was so, but so, glad they were. So he stood there, like a proud father, watching as the largest smile spread in Jason’s face. One he hadn’t seen a long, long time.

“My new friend, Alfred, and I were just chatting about how difficult it’s been to find such good strawberries these days, isn’t it?” he heard you approach him again, dragging Jason by the hand. When Jason looked at him, he gave Alfred a soft smile, not as big as the one he gave you, but just as honest.

Extending his hand, he greeted the boy as he arrived at his side. “Nice to finally see you again, Master Jason.” And nice to see you happy again, too.

a/n: i finally could finish something, i'm so proud of myself lol

[serenelystrange]

Summary:

In which Buck is a grocery store cashier who lives a quiet life with his sister, until Eddie wanders into his line one day looking like the saddest shelter cat in the world. And Buck? Buck has always had a soft spot for animals. (They, as always, fall in love.)

Notes:

There are no actual animals in this fic. Tis but a metaphor!

For @carolinahope - who was looking for an AU where neither of them were firefighters!

Under the cut, or over at AO3!

Buck hears the kid first, a tiny but demanding voice calling out to him as the grocery cart is pushed into Buck’s checkout lane.

“Hi!” the little boy yells to him from under a mop of blonde curls and bright red eyeglasses. “I said hiii!”

Buck’s laughing even as the boy’s father sighs at his antics.

“Hi, buddy,” Buck says to the kid, giving him an indulging grin.

“He’s really into saying hi to everyone right now,” the dad explains, “and gets louder and louder the longer nobody responds. Sorry.”

Buck is already waving off the apology as he finally gets a good look at the dad’s face and freezes in place. He’s maybe a little older than Buck, and quite possibly the prettiest man that he’s ever seen.

“Don’t worry about it,” Buck says, shaking himself from his daze. “He’s super adorable, who could be mad at that little face?”

“Thanks,” the guy says, looking up at Buck briefly before dropping his gaze back down to his cart and loading the groceries onto the belt.

Buck frowns to himself as he begins to scan and bag the items, feeling the unfortunately overwhelming urge to explain himself.

“I hope that wasn’t weird,” Buck says, placing the bananas and clementines into a bag along with boxed oatmeal. “I know I’m tall and kinda big and awkward,” he continues, “but I’m not a creeper or anything.”

“What?” the guy looks up from loading the last of his things and gives Buck a confused look. “No, you’re fine. I mean, it’s fine. I didn’t think you were being creepy. I’m just exhausted.”

“Oh,” Buck says, “good. I mean, not good that you’re exhausted, but good that you don’t think I’m creepy. You know, I’m just gonna stop talking now. Your total is $95.14.”

To his surprise, the guy just laughs at him, but kindly, and shakes his head.

“It’s nice,” he says as he’s putting his card in the machine to pay. “To talk to someone over two years old.”

“Well, uh,” Buck stammers through getting him his receipt, “you can talk to me any day. Or I guess any day that I’m here and you happen to be in my line. If you have 10 items or less. Fewer, really. These signs are not grammatically correct, but I guess less is well..less letters, and I’m rambling again, good god. I’m so glad nobody is waiting behind you.”

The guy bursts out laughing, eyes squinting as he reads Buck’s badge.

“I might have to do that. Buck?”

“Yeah,” Buck confirms, shrugging slightly. “Evan, really, but there was another Evan in orientation, and my last name is Buckley, sooo.”

“So Buck it is,” the guy says, appraising him with an open gaze. “It suits you.”

“Thanks,” Buck says, awkwardly, internally squirming at the compliment.

“I’m Eddie,” the guy introduces himself before gesturing to the kid who is now deeply invested in whatever video is pulled up on Eddie’s phone. “And that little hellion is Chris.”

“Hi!” Chris pipes up without looking away from the phone, and Buck can’t lie, he’s immediately besotted.

“Nice to meet you both,” he says to Eddie, blushing lightly as Eddie reaches out and shakes his hand firmly before pulling away. His skin is hot against Buck’s chilled hands, and Buck doesn’t want to let go.

An older woman with definitely more than 10 cans of dog food pulls up behind Eddie, breaking the moment, and Buck hate her just a little bit for it even as he gives her a friendly smile.

“Have a nice day,” he tells Eddie, and gives Chris a little wave goodbye that he doesn’t notice.

“You, too,” Eddie says, pushing Chris and their few bags away as the woman loads the belt up behind them.

Buck watches them go for a few long moments before begrudgingly getting back to work.

“He’s so damn pretty, Mads,” Buck says later that night, across from his sister at their favorite cheap restaurant, several cheap margaritas deep.

Maddie gives him a placating smile and only rolls her eyes a little bit.

“So you’ve said,” she says, mildly, “about ten times now.”

Buck pouts but Maddie just stares back unbothered, immune to his sad eyes by now.

“I know you’re 21 now,” she says as she pulls Buck’s latest drink over to herself, “but maybe you aren’t ready for $3 margaritas when you’re mooning.”

“Hey, that’s mine!” Buck says, reaching for the drink only to be slapped away by Maddie in a practiced move.

“Mine, now,” Maddie says, grinning at him in victory.

“I’m bigger and stronger than you, you know,” Buck says, still pouting.

Maddie just raises an eyebrow at him, says nothing, and waits.

“And you’d still kick my ass, I know, I know” Buck finishes, unable to not laugh at the thought of his itty bitty sister leveling him, even though he knows she’d find a way.

“As long as we’re in agreement,” Maddie says, raising her glass in a cheers to Buck before finishing the rest of the drink.

“We’re gonna have to get an uber,” she says, eyes meeting Buck’s as they both dissolve into tipsy giggles.

They’re still giggling as their disinterested waitress delivers the check, stopping just long enough to make sure neither of them are going to pass out before vanishing back into the depths of the kitchen.

“I think she needs a margarita,” Buck says, giggling all over again.

Maddie just drops her head to her arms on the table, shoulders shaking as she laughs.

It’s a good day.

Eddie is woken up by a cardboard book hitting him in the chest, clutched in Chris’s unsteady hands. He groans and squints against the sunlight streaming into Tia Pepa’s living room.

“Mornin’ mijo,” he mumbles, eyes closed again as he pulls Chris up to snuggle.  

“Story time?” Chris asks, wiggling impatiently against the hold.

Before Eddie can reply, Abuela is hurrying into the room and giving Chris an exasperated look.

“There you are!” She addresses Eddie. “Sorry, I looked away for just a minute. I was trying to let you sleep.”

Eddie chuckles and kisses Chris’ head where he’s finally settled down to cuddle. “It’s ok,” he says, “he’s faster than you’d think when he puts his mind to it.”

“Still,” Abuela says. “You need your rest. And a real bed.”

Eddie groans, and looks up at Abuela with tired eyes.

“I know,” he says. “Chris and I need to find our own place, this house is barely big enough for you and Tia. I’m working on it.”

Abuela gives him a sympathetic look and moves over to ruffle his hair.

“You can stay as long as you need,” she says, “it’s a blessing to have you both here. You know I only worry about your health, sí?”

“I know,” Eddie says, leaning up into her comforting touch. “I know.”

“Story time?” Chris repeats, pushing the book roughly into Eddie’s chest.

“Alright, baby,” Eddie agrees, “story time. What do we have this time?”

“Hungry hungry!” Chris exclaims, patting the Very Hungry Caterpiller in emphasis.

“Hungry hungry it is,” Eddie says, rearranging Chris in his arms so that he can open the book.

Abuela pats Eddie’s head once more before stepping away. “I’ll make breakfast for my hungry boys.”

Eddie thanks her as she walks away, settling himself into story time, Christopher a warm and welcome weight at his side.

“Eddie!” Buck says with enthusiasm as Eddie pulls his cart up to Buck’s checkout lane. “Oh!” Buck says in a hushed voice as he notices Chris conked out in the basket, curled up on a thick leather coat among the meager groceries. “Hi, Chris,” he whispers, smiling dopily at the adorably sleeping toddler for a moment before looking back up at Eddie.

“It’s ok,” Eddie laughs, speaking at a normal volume. “This kid can sleep through anything if he’s tired, you won’t wake him.”

“Ok,” Buck says, still quieter than Eddie suspects he usually is. “How’s it going?” he asks Eddie as he slowly scans and bags the items Eddie unloads.

Eddie shrugs. “It’s going,” he says, genially enough.

Buck takes a moment to really look at him, noticing the dark circles under his eyes and the tired slope of his shoulders.

“You don’t get much sleep, do you?” he asks. “Sorry.”

Eddie nods off the apology. “You’re not wrong,” he says. Taking a moment to make sure nobody is waiting behind him, he leans against the counter with one arm and sighs. “Been working a lot of odd jobs,” he explains. “I got hurt,” he continues, “overseas. Fucked up this shoulder pretty bad, made me useless in the field, so they sent me home with a shiny medal and absolutely no idea how to do… all of this.”

“Shit,” Buck says, frowning at him. “that’s heavy.”

“Yeah,” Eddie laughs without humor. “Too young to feel so old, right?”

Buck shrugs in commiseration, nodding.

“I really need some adult friends,” Eddie says, “sorry to just dump all of that on someone I’ve met twice.”

“Twice so far,” Buck corrects him, beaming again. “And I’d love to be your friend. My only real friend is my sister, and she’s older, with cool older friends that don’t need me hanging around.”

“What are you, 18?” Eddie asks, smirking at Buck’s annoyed pout when talking about his sister.

“I’ll be 22 in a few months,” Buck says, crossing his arms at Eddie’s dubious look. “It’s not my fault I have a baby face, old man.”

“We are literally the same age,” Eddie says, dryly.

“Perfect!” Buck says with delight, “then we can be best friends.”

Eddie laughs and hands Buck his unlocked phone. “Why don’t we start with regular friends, yeah? Put your number in.”

“Nope,” Buck grins as he types in his info, “best friends, I’ve decided.”

True to his word, when Eddie takes his phone back he sees the contact “Buck (Best Friend)” right at the top of his list under Abuela and Adriana.

“You’re ridiculous,” he says, fondly.

Buck just grins.

“And you’re holding up my line, Best Friend,” he says, gesturing to the small line of people that has appeared behind Eddie.

Eddie rolls his eyes but gives Buck another little wave as he leaves. He gets to the car and laughs at the contact name again as he buckles himself into the driver’s seat, but he doesn’t change it.

The last place Eddie expects to run into Buck is the run down restaurant he wanders into on a rare day he’s not working, but here he is. Buck is sitting with a beautiful brunette woman that Eddie really hopes is the sister Buck was talking about. He hesitates by the host podium as he notices them instead of heading to the bar for his beer and nachos like he’d planned. If it’s a date, he doesn’t want to intrude, and his nerves make him freeze up as the hostess asks if he’s ready.

“Eddie?” he hears, shaking him out of it. Buck’s waving over at him with a happy grin. “Hey!” he calls out, you want to sit with us?”

The hostess, seemingly used to Buck’s antics, just grabs the menu and leads Eddie to the table without asking.

“Hey,” Eddie says as they reach the table, the hostess putting his menu down at the seat next to the woman.

“Hi,” she says, looking up at him with an expression he recognizes from Buck’s face.

“You must be the sister,” he says as he sits down and offers his hand to her.

“Maddie,” she confirms. “And Evan’s yelling tells me you must be the Eddie he’s been talking about for weeks.”

“Maddie!” Buck whisper-yells, scandalized. “Be cool!”

Eddie laughs, looking between his outraged face and Maddie’s conspiratorial one.

“It’s ok, Buck,” he says with a smirk. “I already know you aren’t cool.”

“Asshole,” Buck hisses at him.

Eddie has a terrible and hilarious moment within himself where he debates making an ‘you are what you eat’ joke, but stops himself just in time.

“You can sit next to Evan if you want,” Maddie says, “the server won’t care.”

“Margie probably thought you were dating,” Buck agrees, grumpily.

“We are both awfully pretty,” Maddie agrees with barely contained laugh. “But your boytoy here is a little young for me.”

“Oh my god, Maddie,” Buck groans, “he’s not my boytoy. He’s my friend.”

“What happened to Best Friends, huh?” Eddie teases, grinning at the flush that spreads attractively across his face.

“Nope,” Buck says. “Chris is my new best friend. I’m gonna give him so many stickers next time you come through my lane.”

Eddie softens at that, leaning back and smiling at Buck.

“He’d love that.”

Buck smiles back for a moment before Maddie clears her throat with what Eddie swears is a whisper Jesus Christ.

“How about we get some lunch, boys?” she asks, gesturing to the menus they’ve been ignoring. “My treat.”

“Yes!” Buck says, fist pumping the air. He points to Eddie. “Order actual food, you’re too thin.”

“Ok, Abuela,” Eddie scoffs, secretly pleased that Buck seems to care.

From the way Maddie giggles next to him, he thinks she agrees.

Hey bestie

Eddie looks down at this phone and snorts at the text from Buck.

Absolutely not.

Buck’s reply comes in mere seconds later.

You’re no fun. But whatever. Working tonight?

Eddie hesitates, bone tired and drenched in sweat from a day working a construction job Abuela’s church had hired him for. All he really wants to do is shower off the day and maybe treat himself and Chris to a pizza. But on the other hand…

Just getting home. What’s up?

Buck’s first reply is just a line of exclamation points that Eddie finds annoyingly endearing.

Come over and hang out! Maddie is on a date and I’m booooored. I’ll order pizza. We can watch a movie or something. There’s a new John Wick out?

Eddie gets caught up on the or something for a beat too long, knowing just how many different somethings he would like.

I don’t think I can get a babysitter this late notice

Can’t afford one either, Eddie thinks to himself, but doesn’t type.

Bring him! We just wont watch John Wick. Maddie has Disney plus!

And well. Who is Eddie to argue with that.

“Hey buddy!” Buck greets Chris as he opens the door to him and Eddie.

Chris looks around at the unfamiliar home, tucking his head into Eddie’s shoulder with sudden shyness. Eddie has him held in one arm, the other holding what looks like some kind of wheelchair. Buck gives it a curious look as Eddie enters.

“It’s a mobility aid,” Eddie explains as he opens it up and places Chris’ legs into the openings. “Chris has CP, so he’s not as steady as most almost-three year olds. But this lets him walk around by himself, at least a little bit.”

“That’s really cool,” Buck says, crouching down to inspect the chair. It’s almost like a bouncer younger babies use, but more stabilizing than anything. “This is a pretty awesome walker, buddy,” he says to Chris.

He looks up at Eddie and catches the wondrous look on his face.

“What?” he asks, standing back up and moving out of the way for Chris to toddle off and explore.

“It’s just nice,” Eddie explains, “to see someone treat him like he’s any other toddler. Without all the pitying looks on their faces.”

Buck wrinkles his nose in thought as he nods.

“That must be annoying,” he agrees. “Good thing all you’ll get here is pizza and quality Best Friend Time.”

Eddie laughs and shoves Buck’s shoulder playfully.

“Show me around, then.”

“Is this cut small enough?” Buck asks later, fretting as he cuts up cheese pizza to plate for Chris.

“Yes, Buck,” Eddie laughs, “he has teeth, he’ll be fine.”

Buck still looks unsure, not used to little kids. “You sure he won’t choke?”

“If he does, I was a medic, he’ll be ok,” Eddie assures him. The plate Buck put Chris’ pizza on is thick cardboard with the words Happy Birthday splashed across them, probably the only child friendly plate in the place, but Eddie finds the effort impossibly charming.

“Were?” Buck asks, once they’re all settled around the little kitchen table Maddie made him load into his truck from Goodwill one day.

Eddie swallows a bite of his own pizza and nods before responding.

“Certification lapsed when I was recovering,” he says, gesturing to his injured shoulder. “And I haven’t had the time or money to fix that yet.”

“But you aren’t going back into the Army, right?” Buck asks with concern.

“Nope,” Eddie shakes his head. “Honorably discharged. But war skills don’t really translate into real world opportunities, you know?”

“Doesn’t the VA help?” Buck asks with a frown.

Eddie snorts.

“The wait list for any kind of help is years long,” he says. “America,” he finishes, wryly.

Buck cringes in agreement.

“You should be able to get help with Chris through the state, at least,” Buck offers quietly. “There’s plenty of parents I work with that have food stamps, or housing assistance. Anything that could help make ends meet.”

“I know,” Eddie says, taking a breath, “I need to look into it all, I’ve just been so damn overwhelmed.”

“What about…” Buck starts, before looking over at Chris and stopping. “We can talk about it later,” he finishes instead.

Eddie smiles at him gratefully and goes back to his pizza.

Several hours later, Chris is passed out with his head on Eddie’s lap, splayed between him and Buck on the couch. The closing credits of Aladdin are scrolling on the TV, the radio version of A Whole New World still playing as Buck and Eddie talk.

“His mom isn’t in the picture,” Eddie says to Buck’s unasked question.

“I had wondered,” Buck admits. “Is she…” he trails off.

“Alive and well, last I heard,” Eddie says tightly.

“Kinda shitty she abandoned her kid,” Buck says before he can help himself, wincing as the words come out of his mouth.

“I did it first,” Eddie admits, quietly. “I re-enlisted when we found out about Chris’ CP. I just saw all the hospital bills in the future and I think I panicked. I don’t even remember signing back up. And then I got shot a few months in and had to come home anyway. To a ruined marriage and a baby who didn’t understand why his mom was suddenly gone.”

“You’re married?” Buck asks, in mild horror, making Eddie laugh at that being the thing Buck took from all of that.

“Divorced,” Eddie corrects.

“Sorry,” Buck says, not sounding very sorry at all.

“It’s ok,” Eddie says anyway. “Things are looking up lately.”

“Yeah?” Buck asks, big blue eyes shining in the low light.

Eddie smiles. “Definitely.”

Maddie breezes into her living room a few weeks later, smiling at the familiar sight of Eddie and Chris there with Buck, ostensibly playing with building blocks, but mostly watching Chris knock them down while secretly staring moonily at each other when they think the other isn’t looking.

“You know,” she says to the room at large. “I was a pretty good babysitter to Buck when we were kids.”

Buck looks up at her with amusement.

“You basically raised me, Mads,” he says, “definitely more than a babysitter.”

“Exactly,” Maddie agrees, “so you’d agree that I can keep at least one small boy alive successfully?”

Eddie looks up at that, giving her an amused and inquisitive look.

“If I can be honest right now,” Maddie says, standing with her hands on her hips. “You two are driving me batty with your dancing around each other. Leave Chris with me and go out somewhere where kids aren’t allowed. He’ll have a great time with his Auntie Maddie.”

“Auntie Maddie?” Buck asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Eventually,” Maddie says. “Might as well get used to it now, right?”

She gives them both a pleased grin as she notes the matching blush on their faces.

“You want to hang out with me today, little man?” she asks, moving to crouch down in front of Chris.

In response, Chris throws himself bodily into her arms, snuggling up happily.

“Then it’s decided,” Maddie says, settling down to the floor with Chris still in her lap. “Me and little mister.. whatever your last name is, will have a great night!”

She looks up at Buck for the answer, who freezes goofily when he realizes he doesn’t know, and looks over at Eddie, who just laughs.

“Diaz,” he says. “Buck, I’ve literally handed you my license several times to buy beer.”

Buck ducks his head, blushing again. “I was distracted by your stupid pretty face, shut up.”

Across from them, Maddie laughs and speaks to Chris.

“Daddy and Buck are so silly, aren’t they?”

Chris nods very seriously in response, and Maddie chooses to believe that he understands.

“Subtle,” Eddie says later that night as Buck pulls them up to what is clearly a gay club.

Buck shrugs and gives him an earnest look.

“Figured I’d just jump right in and make sure I wasn’t reading this all wrong and you were really just a super chill straight guy who lets his bisexual best friend lust after him because he’s too nice to reject him.”

Eddie startles at that, looking over at Buck in amusement.

“That is so specific, Buck,” he says.

Buck just shrugs again, looking unsure.

“I am not chill, like at all,” Eddie says, “just so you know.”

“Yeah?” Buck asks, “and what about..”

“And definitely not straight,” Eddie confirms. “So are you gonna unbuckle that seat belt and kiss me, or what?”

“You don’t want to go in first?” Buck says, gesturing toward the club.

Eddie shakes his head. “Maybe another time.”

“Can’t wait,” Buck says, letting himself be pulled awkwardly over the center of the truck and into Eddie’s kiss.

It goes on for what feels like forever, time slow and syrupy in the way that only the best kisses provide. Eddie’s stubble scratches over Buck’s sensitive shaved face and he shivers at the feeling.

“I’m making you all red,” Eddie says as they pull apart, reaching up to soothe Buck’s face with his fingers.

“Worth it,” Buck says without missing a beat, “do it again.”

Eddie’s laugh dies against Buck’s mouth as they kiss again, and there’s not one part of him that minds.

Days turn into weeks and weeks into months, until suddenly they’ve been dating for almost half a year, and Eddie and Chris spend more time at Buck’s than they do at home.

“You know,” Buck says one night as they’re laying in bed, Chris tucked up safely with his Auntie Maddie in the other room. “I’ve been thinking.”

“Dangerous,” Eddie laughs, rubbing his chin over Buck’s head where Buck rests it on his chest like a contented cat.

“Mean,” Buck says, biting the skin of Eddie’s bare chest in retaliation.

“What are you think about?” Eddie asks before they can start actually squabbling.

Buck bites at his chest once more just for good measure before speaking again, avoiding Eddie’s eyes.

“I have like.. a whole bunch of PTO saved up.”

Eddie nods, rubbing up and down Buck’s back in the way that makes him pleasantly tingle. “You wanna go somewhere?” he asks.

“Not exactly,” Buck says. “I just... I know that you’ve been trying to get your medical re-certification, but haven’t had time to do it when your Abuela or Tia could watch Chris.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks, still confused.

“I was googling it,” Buck continues, “And I definitely have enough PTO to cover the hours you’d need to put in. If you can afford to take the time away from working, obviously.”

“Wait,” Eddie says, smacking Buck’s shoulder until they’re sitting up and facing each other. “You want to what? Use your PTO to babysit my kid so that I can recertify?”

Buck gives Eddie a pleased smile and nods. “Exactly!”

“Why in the world would you waste your paid time off on that?” Eddie asks, with wide eyes. “You should go somewhere fun.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Buck says, frowning. “And I have plenty of fun with Chris, he’s my favorite little buddy!”

“He’s your only little buddy,” Eddie says, laughing.

“Shut your face,” Buck says, pawing at Eddie’s laughing face dramatically.

Eddie bites at Buck’s palm until he retreats, and then gives him a serious look.

“You’d really use up your time like that for me?”

“Of course I will,” Buck says easily, “I love you and want you to be happy, and have a job that hurts your injuries less.”

Eddie just regards him with wide eyes.

“I haven’t said that out loud before, have I?” Buck asks with a nervous glance.

“I think I would have remembered,” Eddie confirms.

“Well, I do,” Buck says. “love you, I mean. A lot.”

“I’m getting that,” Eddie says, dryly.

“Don’t leave me on read here,” Buck says, grabbing Eddie’s hand in his own and linking their fingers.

“This is a verbal conversation, Buck,” Eddie laughs, squeezing their hands together. “And I love you, too, you dork.”

“Your dork,” Buck says, laying back down and giving Eddie grabby hands until he lays down on Buck’s chest.

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie says, nosing Buck’s collarbone, before finally agreeing. “You are.”

“How was the first day?” Buck asks as Eddie gets back from his new job.

“It’s pretty cool,” Eddie says, dropping down onto the sofa beside Buck. “Where’s Chris?”

“Maddie took him to the park,” Buck says, “in case I had to leave for work before you got back. I would’ve texted you.”

“I wasn’t worried,” Eddie says, leaning in for a quick kiss, “just curious.”

“So, private ambulance company, huh?” Buck asks, giving in to the urge to plaster himself against Eddie in a koala-like cuddle.

“America,” Eddie says, in that same tone from all those months ago. “But they hired me.”

Buck nods. “And hey,” he says, “you still get to help people, and you have regular hours now, so you’ll get to spend so much more time with Chris.”

“And you,” Eddie says, allowing himself a moment of sappiness.

“And me,” Buck agrees, grinning. “That’s definitely a bonus.”

“I wish we could afford a place together,” Eddie says. “I hate going to bed without you now, you ruined me, you bastard.”

Buck smirks. “I’m not remotely sorry.”

“Neither am I,” Eddie admits, closing his eyes and resting his head back against the couch, finally relaxing.

“You know,” Buck says. “You could always just move in here. We have that little third bedroom that is basically just storage. It’s perfectly Chris-sized for at least a few more years.”

Eddie opens his eyes at that, sitting up and looking over at Buck in surprise.

“Why are you always throwing stuff like this at me when I’m exhausted?” he asks, laughing.

“You’re always exhausted, baby,” Buck says gently. “I’m trying to fix that.”

Eddie looks at him for a long moment, eyes softening with almost unbearable tenderness.

“It’s working,” Eddie says. “Maddie wouldn’t mind?”

Buck shakes his head and gives Eddie a watery grin. “Nah, it was her idea. Three incomes is better than two, and she spends half her time at Chim’s anyway.”

“She planned that park trip, that little menace,” Eddie laughs.

“We are definitely related,” Buck agrees.

“You have the same smile,” Eddie says, thinking back. “That first time at the restaurant? She was teasing you and looked over at me with that big Buckley grin, and I knew she was your sister before she even introduced herself.”

Buck finds himself warmed by the thought.

“We don’t really look alike otherwise, so that’s nice. But you aren’t allowed to fall in love with my sister, you got it?”

Eddie laughs again and wraps his arms tighter around Buck.

“Don’t worry,” he says, “I have all the Buckley I need right here.”

“Damn right,” Buck says. “Now hush and cuddle me for ten more minutes before I go to work.”

Eddie does.

Buck ends up a half an hour late to work, kiss-rumpled and unrepentant. Not even the grumpy old people with too many items can ruin his mood today.

The End

[ruanais]

A ANOUNCEMENT !!! EDITED : I’m not gonna deactivate it cause I just realised I’m too attached to this blog help-

hello !! I’m here to make a important announcement <3 so !! okay this might come as a shock, but I will be leaving @/ruanais ( a few days later cause I need time to clean things up ) !! T-T I’m really sorry but I simply don’t have the time or dedication to this blog anymore :( every single one I’ve ever met on this account was rlly nice esp my mutals and I’m so glad I got to meet every one of you <3

@silverbladexyz : gosh, we’ve been mutals for quite a while Huh ? I’m so grateful to you even tho we don’t rlly talk much anymore sihdjsjdjsjahhsjsj thank u for being with me after all this time !! :D

@justcallmesakira : we haven’t talked tooo much but I’m happy to have met you !! your works are amazing and I hope you’ll continue to grow <3 mwah !

@yuukimiyas : I’ve always looked up to you as one of my favourite writers so imagine my surprise when you followed me !! :0 your posts always make me rlly happy !! :D

@chuuyrr : I’ve always loved ur chuuya’s fics and they’re just so ??????? they’re my meal for three times a day Frfr !! :3

@sinmalssimp : raven, I’m really proud of you for being able to be so strong <3 you’re going amazing and I hope you’ll have a amazing life !!

@yuutx : thank u for being my mutal for so so long as well !!!!! you’re such a nice and kind person and you’re like a younger sister to me <3

@gojoath : cella !! omfg ur one of the people who managed to get me back into jujutsu kaisen T^T ur works r absolutely gorgeous and ur yuta series ?!?!???? chef’s kiss -///-

@vrachis : one of my og mutals ever since I started tumblr ! :3 also thank u for getting me into v tubers cause now im watching their streams whenever I can LMAO

@aureatchi : you and red are never ever going to beat the twin allegations tbh, even the abilities u suggested to me were the same so :3 and even ur names are similar :0 anyways ! rev, thank u for being my mutal !! you’re genuinely so so so nice and T^T ur like a younger sister to me as well <3

@cheriiyaya : red, you’re just like reverie so it’s like copy and paste except that youre more chaotic and I love your energy !!! i always laugh whenever I see ur url cause of that meme- fjdjjsjskjsj lol but you’re a younger sister too so !!! :D but yeah, I loved having convos with u !! you’re such a easy perosn to ramble to and thank you for listening to my thoughts that make no sense whatsoever !!

@rusmii : ruru !! firstly !! congratulations on 600+ honey !! you’re almost there to 1k aahhh !! we haven’t talked much but you’re such a nice person as well :(

@culturity : kady, ur such a sweetheart tbh and I always feel happy whenever I see ur posts on my dash <3 I hope that everything goes well for you in life cause you deserve it !!

@m0uchie : EMI !! you’re rlly nice and I light up whenever I see u in my inbox or notifs sjsjsbsksjjssjs I rlly wished we talked more tbh :( but we still had fun together <3

@riiwrites : riri you’re one of the people I’m closest to on tumblr and I’m so so happy I got to meet such a amazing and kind person as u !! thank u sm for everything honey !!

@beasalmeh : okay !! you’re a rlly chaotic and goofy person that I love to talk to !! seeing your messages always make my day and it’s so fun to have a conversation with you :D

@dazaisslave : ichika, you’re such a sweet friend to me and I dont and never did deserve someone like you :( thank u for everything <3

for the other mutals I didn’t add cause I’m a lazy fuck or we didn’t talk much or just became mutals so I don’t know anything abt u or we are mutals but we haven’t talked in a long time so it would be awkward + my dear followers : thank you as well ! all of you helped me in my growth as cringy as it sounds lmao sibdjshsjsjdj I could never ever have gotten to 100+ followers without u guys and I’m genuinely gonna miss u guys so fucking much :(

— ur dearest rua <3

also u guys, surprise announcement I’m not single anymore <: ur girl rua got a bf !!!!!! ahem !! but yeah !! hehe :3 I fulfilled one of my dreams !!!!!!! :D I CAN FINALLY TELL MY FRIENDS IM SOMEONE WHO GETS BITCHES 😍 /j

Navigation

[tangledinink]

I just found all your swanatello posts and I am obsessed. I don’t know if this is just a me thing, but when I see a piece of media that really gets to me and brings me the verge of tears, I get these aches in my hands. It just sort of means that the work has done it’s job incredibly well, and I like media that makes me cry as long as it has a happy ending!

anyways, your swanatello au gives me the hand aches /pos

Also, I have a question about the lake’s magic. Does it kind of “speak” to Donnie? Is that how he knows he’s supposed to be its guardian? Or does it like, impact his emotions instead? Something you wrote in the tags that made me think about this was when you said that Donnie didn’t react to his outfit because the lake made him feel like it was always been that way.

or does the lake not only erase Donnie’s memories but also re-write them?

Sorry for the ramble, I’m just really enjoying your au!

ahhhh thank you??? ; w ; i'm very glad you like it!!!!!!!!

the lake doesn't always speak to donnie, though it has before and he has heard its voice. but typically, it manipulates his emotions and thinking directly rather than speaking to him. the lake does erase memories, though it less 'rewrites' them and more compels donnie to simply not question the gaps. up until leo visited him on his own, swanatello felt that it made perfect sense for him to be at the lake; he innately understood his role as guardian and he didn't question at all how that came to be. he just accepted it.

and then he was able to recognize leo for the first time. and then suddenly he DID question how he came to be here, and why, (which he is not supposed to do,) and he realized that the pieces didn't add up and that something was wrong. he does remember things. he remembers that he loves science and how to code and engineer. he remembers all his ninja training and combat experience. he even remembers things like how to navigate the sewer systems-- but if he looks any closer at those memories, tries to ask himself, "why do i know how to navigate the sewer systems? where did i learn that? who was i with?" then things start to get fuzzy. it's a lot easier for him if he has cues or visuals reminders. (that, or a sibling nearby to help him.) he's started trying to keep physical record of things when he figures them out, but sometimes he'll find that portions of these notes will go missing or not make sense to him later.

right now, swanatello is almost constantly fighting to remember his life before the lake, as well as figure out a way to return to his family. the curse is constantly trying to undo any progress he makes.