#sorry for the angst on your birthday sara you deserve so much better

[kasterarts]

Moving Forward. (Spoilers for YTTD up through 3-1b)

[ziskandra]

PRIORITY OPS: REPOPULATING HELEUS

i’m doing it, i’m gonna start posting the long fic. there will be fluff, there will be angst, there will be a thorough examination on the definition of family. thank you to @daishannigans​ for betaing and also just being a general excellent source of support! ao3 link Summary: They have a home now, and what comes next seems pretty straight-forward. Get married, have kids.   Unfortunately, it's not that simple. (Or, the story of how Sara Ryder confronts her issues surrounding family in the pursuit of her happy ending. She gets a lot of help along the way.) 1. Home Sweet Home

The door slid open and Liam settled the box he’d been carrying down just inside the doorway. “Looks like this is us,” he said, before reaching for Sara’s wrist.

Adjusting their hands until their fingers were intertwined, Sara threw Liam a sidelong glance. “Setting down roots… it still doesn’t feel real, does it?” She threw her head back and took in a deep breath, eyes closed. “I can't believe we did it. An actual home." The apartment was small, but it was exactly the right side for what they needed . Liam, of course, had dropped hints of more: marriage, children, and Sara had laughed and played along. She wanted the things he'd spoken off, but there was a twisting nervousness in her gut that foretold that she wasn't quite as ready as he was.

"Just us," Liam murmured, running his thumb over the back of Sara's hand. "And thanks to everyone pitching in, we're almost done." His voice dropped as he continued, approximating a rumble that Sara could feel, rather than hear, emanating from his chest. "Just have the new couch to break in. If you know what I mean--"

Sara cut him off with a light slap to the chest, disentangling her hand from his grasp. "Not right now, Kosta," she answered, with the best smile she could muster in the moment. It was smaller than her usual ones, and despite her best efforts, she couldn't quite make it reach her eyes. She knew that Liam would notice.

He did notice, his expression softening into something gentler, less playful, than it had been before. "We can just sit on it," he assured her. She nodded, somewhat stiffly, before heading in the direction of the couch in question. It was brand new, and she suddenly feels a pang of regret. The old couch was still in the Tempest's cargo bay, but they -- the whole crew, really -- had been spending less and less time on it of late. She'd gotten used to spending most of her time on a spaceship, missed being able to feel the hum of the drive core under her chest and being able to see the whole wide galaxy out of her bedroom window.

Meridian didn't get sunlight, not in the traditional sense. Looking up at where the sky should be and seeing nothing but the planet's surface continue on indefinitely made her feel trapped. But this was her home now, and she was determined to make the best of it. She settled uneasily on the new couch, one leg propped over the other, springs barely moving underneath the addition of her weight. Wrong, all wrong. 

Liam came over with their beers, handing her a cup before sitting down on the couch beside her. He left a gap between where their knees could touch, if she'd let them, and for that, she was grateful. Bringing her drink to her lips, she hesitated instead of taking a sip. "I'm sorry," she started, and when she sensed Liam ready to interject with reassurance, she added, with a small shake of the head, "I'm just overwhelmed, I think. Never really had a home before. Not like this." A sudden thought ran through her mind; there was a step of the process she'd neglected. She reached out with her beer to clink it against Liam's. "To new beginnings?"

"To new beginnings, Sara Ryder," Liam responded with a smile that put her at ease. The thrum of nervousness still sat uneasily underneath her skin, but with this man by her side, she sometimes felt like she could get through anything. Taking a sip of his beer, he asked, "Never had a home, huh?"

She shrugged, feeling the tension roll of her shoulders with the first sip of her own drink. She raised one foot to rest it on the coffee table; it was her home, right? She could do that here. "You know. None of us ever in the same place at once. Always moving. I mean. This is nice. It's just going to take some getting used to."

"You had Scott, though," Liam said with an incline of the head. "Nice guy. Looking forward to getting to know him better."

Sara laughed. "Bet you are. I'd still kill to know what you were two were discussing when I walked in on you two that time."

"Just getting to know my future brother-in-law, that's all," Liam answered, so easily that Sara could almost believe him. Her instinctive response was impossible to repress however; she shrunk against the armrest, feet curling up to move underneath her.

Liam was already responding, running a hand through his hair. "Ah, shit, Sara, I'm sorry. I know I should've talked about it with you first. Do things proper. Still do. You deserve it. Unless, that is--?" he trailed off, but Sara didn't need to be a mind-reader to realise what would've have come next. Even she could hear the hesitation and doubt that had crept into his voice, and it made her skin crawl, the itching feeling she'd been feeling in her blood rising to the surface. She loved Liam, loved him a lot in fact, and she didn't want him to feel like this. To not believe in them.

"I want it, Liam," she breathed, reaching for his hand as though the contact could reassure him of just how serious she was being. "I want it all. When I think about the future, I see you in it. It's just a lot to take in at once, that's all. Now that I've had some time to breathe, I've just realised how much I've had to push down and ignore to keep going." She slumped against him, then, shimmying down to rest her head against his chest.

Liam took a deep whittling breath, causing Sara's head to bob up and down in the process. "And I admire you for it," he said, running his fingers through her hair, tucking loose strands behind her ear. "We all do."

"I just did what I had to do," Sara insisted, a seed of discontent burrowing its way into her heart. "Dad didn't really give me a choice."

The words seemed to come easily to Liam because he didn't hesitate for a moment before assuring her. "He believed in you when you didn't believe in yourself. So do I."

She wanted to convince herself of the truth of his words but couldn't, so in lieu of saying anything in response she instead wrapped herself even more tightly around him. "Mhm," she murmured, a noise of passive contentment. Drinking her beer would be difficult from this angle, but she wasn't really in the mood any more. Suddenly, all she wanted to do was rest. 

Liam's hand left her hair to start smoothing down her back, helping more than she would've anticipated with her bubbling anxiety. "Never had siblings of my own," he starts, fingers trailing over her body as though trying to count the vertebrae of spine, "but you knew that already. Must've been nice, having someone your age around, growing up."

Sara yawned, soft and sad. "It was," she answered simply, choosing to leave out the part where they had went their separate ways almost immediately after their eighteenth birthday. It wasn't anything that Liam didn't already know, after all. The twisting in her gut made a return, one that she knew was borne of anticipation. It wasn't that she'd been dishonest with him. It was just that he'd always been so open, so loving with her, and she almost felt she wasn't giving enough in return. There was no productive outcome of airing that particular insecurity, so she kept it close and tight to her chest. 

Maybe one day he'd see her for who she truly was, and he wouldn't want to be with her anymore. It seemed silly now, wrapped in his arms, enveloped in his warmth, but it didn't stop her from worrying anyway. As a kid, she’d never anticipated having a family when she’d thought about her future. It still seemed absurd. Suddenly, she recalled a conversation she’d once had, which only made things seem all the more stranger. Before she knew it, her shoulders were shaking in confusion and mirth.

“You know what Gil once told me?” Sara asked Liam once her laughs had tapered off. 

“What?” Liam asked, still rubbing reassuring circles over her lower back; fortunately, he didn’t seem to perturbed by the sudden changing of her moods. 

“He once said that the Andromeda Initiative was basically a glorified dating service.”   

Liam laughed, deep and warm and rich. “Yeah? Then I guess we’re one of its success stories."

***

“So, when’s the housewarming?” Scott asked, falling into step with Sara as she walked across the Hyperion’s atrium dressed head-to-toe in full combat gear. 

She’d recognise her twin’s voice anywhere, but at times like this, it didn’t make her any happier to see him. “Bit busy here,” she said with as much as amusement as she could muster.

“Yeah, right. About that,” Scott started, eyes darkening as a sudden thought occurred to him. “Wait! Don’t tell me you’ve already had it without me. Oof. You really know how to break my heart.” He clutched a hand to his chest in dramatic exaggeration.

Sara swatted at his shoulder. “Ass. To answer your question, we kind of haven’t gotten around to it. Other stuff going on, you know.”

Scott nodded along. “Right, right,” he said. “Everyone wants a piece of the Pathfinder.”  

At his words, and their inflection, Sara found her own eyes darkening. She wished she had her trusty shotgun in her hands, both for its familiar and comforting weight and also because she was half-certain she could murder Scott right now. She loved her brother, she really did, but at times like these? Well, she wouldn’t wish him back into his coma, but a deep and hidden part of her couldn’t help but think things had been easier back then. “They sure do,” she answered absently, before deciding that this was a battle she wanted to fight. “By the way? This?” She waved vaguely. “Counts as sticking your nose in.”

Her brother sighed the long-suffering sigh of a man who had always trailed after his stubborn and strong-willed sister. “Yes, yes, I know I promised I wouldn’t stick my nose in your business, and here I am, breaking my promise, but I can’t ignore this. Sara. Sare. Going into battle without any backup?”

She scowled. “Not like you’re well enough to come with. Could use another gun.” Sara’s not even looking at her brother but she could almost see Scott throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation.  

“Yes, yes, exactly, this is precisely my point. Okay, firstly: you? Not my doctor. But more importantly, why isn’t Liam going with you?"

“He doesn’t want to,” Sara lied easily, although she knew that she wouldn’t fool Scott for a second.

“Riiight. That man, there? Madly in love with you. Just in case you hadn’t noticed. I was pretty out of it at the end of the big fight and all, but I heard about what he said at the end of the battle.” 

Sara wished she could quicken her pace to at least attempt to lose Scott, but she was closing in on where the Tempest was docked, and instead, she slowed to an almost crawl. “Didn’t everyone?”

Scott slowed to a stroll next to her, his longer legs giving him the advantage no matter what way Sara wanted to swing this conversation. “Yeah. Which just backs up what I said, by the way. Look, I know I haven’t been around much — not my choice, by the way — but last I heard? You two? Inseperable. Reminds me of—” This wasn’t a conversation Sara wanted to be having, especially in a public, so she waved an irritable hand in Scott’s direction. “I get it. I just. Need the space, all right? Also: shut up.”

“‘Space,’” Scott laughed, “lots of that out there.” He mimed closing his mouth shut with a zipper when Sara turned to glare at him. They were almost at their destination.

In the distance, just outside the ship, stood Jaal. He gave Sara a wave, which she breezily returned. Sara turned to Scott with a smirk. “Anyway, it’s not like I'm going alone.” She rolled her shoulders. “We’re hitting up Havarl. So, decisions had to be made.”

Scott sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m trusting your judgement. But, sis?” 

“Yeah?” she asked, nodding as Cora slipped down the Tempest’s boarding ramp, ready and armoured and loaded.

“Just… don’t break his heart, all right?”

She didn’t want to, but something in her insides twisted at Scott’s warning. Her brother knew her well enough to know that she might very well need it. She’d never had much luck with her romantic endeavours in the past: flings here and there, another, more serious thing that still wouldn’t have gone anywhere even if she hadn’t decided to follow her father and brother into another galaxy. Everything that had developed since she’d arrived in Andromeda? Still seemed like a fairytale. The plot line of a action-romance vid. Not her life. And yet. She swallowed her doubts, and smiled. 

“I’ll try my best, Scott.”

“Not much else I can do,” he said, holding his arms out wide. “Touchy-feely time?”

Sara wrapped her arms around him in a heartbeat. 

“Get back safe,” he whispered to her before stepping away to make his exit.

Cora watched Scott leave, eyes flitting from her twin to Jaal, still standing just behind her. “Trouble?” Cora asked, just as Jaal opened his mouth to make his own commentary. She passed a shotgun to Sara. Sara’s shotgun. Suddenly, she felt a little bit better. 

“Not planning on it,” she answered. “But it never hurts to be prepared.”

“Agreed,” Jaal said as they all turned to board the Tempest.

Her nerves still skittered slightly underneath her skin. When she got back, Liam was going to be mad.