#sorry i'm very emotional these days | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bixels · 3 months

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tarpit site.

#personal #delete later #for context a tweet i made in the middle of the night blew the fuck up and brought the attention of anime fans who've been #harassing and hassling me about my big factual blunder for an entire day straight #“ok i'll apologize” “bro it's not that serious.”#“you're right it's not that serious“ ”why won't you just admit that you're wrong and apologize!“#i'm not going crazy right. i feel like i'm getting manipulated into thinking i must've been wrong #it's crazy how twitter hate will trick you into believing saying something someone else disagrees with is a moral failing #sorry i haven't seen frieren i guess but what's it to you. i wasn't making a claim or statement #also because nobody has gotten this in the original post i wasn't talking about the quality of animation i'm talking about solid drawing #which is a very specific principle of animation. dandandan has really good solid drawing wherein all the characters are animated #with realistic and proportional 3d depth. newsflash but trigger doesn't prioritize solid drawing in their animation and that's fine #it's an aesthetic choice and has ties to production limits. none of this is a big deal. this is all so stupid lol #i've dealt with worse and more annoying weebs though it's fine i'll put on my clown nose twitter needs their stupid guy for the day #oh btw at the end of the day this doesn't matter. it'll be over by tomorrow. all that's happening is petty angry emotions.#so please don't involve yourself by jumping into the argument and prolonging this shit #i'm about to go on a date with tulli after being apart for a month this is the furtherest thing from my mind rn

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originalaccountname · 11 months

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putting my hands on your shoulders looking directly into your eyes why are you so insistent that Dazai is faking every emotion every second of every day except when he's acting mean or evil why do you think his dark side is more true than his happier or sillier sides

do you not also have multiple facets you show different people? are we not all beautiful multifaceted individuals? are your actions and reactions not influenced by your emotions and state of mind?

can't he laugh at his own jokes? can't he fondly think of the Agency? can't he be dramatic because he wants to? can't he be surprised by something suddenly happening, even if he knew it would happen? do you not jump when the jack in the box gets out even if you were the one working the mechanism?

why would the mean persona be more real? why would any and all joy be faked? why are you only allowing him misery?

#sorry i saw one too many posts talking about dazai's ''masks'' and how he hides his true self from the ada #and what of it if he still has the potential to hurt others? what of it if he's good at hurting? every day he chooses not to lean into it #not too far at the very least.#isn't kyouk.a skilled at killing? did she not choose not to do it?#i'm not saying dazai's never acting (because it does happen) i'm saying too many people are too quick to brush off-#every non-serious non-mean emotion as ''playing an act''#why would the mean persona not be a fake?? you thought about that??? what biases are you holding here #he makes jokes. he acts silly. he's a drama queen. he loves it.#you know what IS tiring? having to look evil and untouchable and impassive in front of a whole organization every day as a teenager #as soon as he gets to lupin with od.a and ang.o he goes silly mode. heck- when he *met* ang.o it was because he went silly mode.#as soon as chuuy.a is in proximity he starts yelling children's insults and starts stupid competitions #his silly mode is just as integrated into his personality as the capacity to be the scariest most evil person you've seen #they are not mutually exclusive and having the capacity for either does not mean acting on them #as asagiri said in an interview: bsd isn't about change it's about adaptation. kyouk.a has the talent to kill. she just chooses not to.#dazai has the skills to be evil. he just chooses good.#that got long in the tags sorry #apparently i talk sometimes

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jessamine-rose · 28 days

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*lovingly tackles Aine*

Read my Yandere! Pierro longfics first ♪( ´▽｀)

Last week, my beloved mutual @ainescribe surprised me with Savior! Darling fan art and AHAI9232@2-!/! CRYING SCREAMING I WANT TO LOOK AT THIS ART AND WORSHIP YOUR VERSION OF SAVIOR THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BLESSING ME WITH YOUR ART—

*clears throat* Anyway, now that I finally have the time to properly sit down and comment on the fan art, I’ll do just that. Feedback will be in the tags and it will be unhinged. Once again, thank you so much to Aine for drawing this <3

#feedback #fan art #ainescribe #AIIINE ;-; once again. thank you so much!! it rlly means a lot to me that you enjoyed my writing and felt inspired to draw this :'>#and as someone who loves fashion and character design. it's so so interesting to analyze your version of savior #there's so much symbolism and visual storytelling in each sketch/ outfit and i shall now proceed to pick apart each detail as best as i can #her snezhnayan fit.....god i love it. it's regal. distinctively snezhnayan. and draws attention to her--and you just know that was pierro's #intention when he dressed her in those garments. IT'S JUST SO...!! savior's wardrobe scrubbed clean of her original culture and preferences #replaced with the foreign garments of her captor's nations.....in line with this. i love how her kokoshnik and khaenri'ahn earrings are big #and attention-grabbing. you can't look at her without taking note of those accessories. it begs the question:: how many times has savior #looked at the mirror after being dressed up in snezhnaya and was unable to recognize her own reflection?? :'>#also shoutout to some details aine shared with me: 1) the face marks are inspired by weeping angels 2) the kokoshnik was traditionally worn #by married noblewomen BUT the veil was normally for unmarried women so savior's outfit can be seen as a form of compliance + rebellion #(though later on in history it became accepted for married women to also wear that veil. also my apologies if what i said is inaccurate)#lastly shoutout to savior's expression!! very poised and mysterious....due to her emotional state or pierro's rules on how to act as his #spouse in public?? we'll never know~ the first drawing hits even harder when you compare it to the next one!! such an interesting contrast~#savior in her plain attire. casual and domestic with a smile on her face....i'm guessing this is her pre-fatui version?? she looks so warm #and friendly. and i can definitely understand why pierro fell for her smile <3 #also i fucking love the caption. sorry pierro but you are cursed to be a loser/ simp/ pathetic man in all of my fics and AUs xD #NOW ONTO GODDESS! SAVIOR AAAHHHH!! i love the greek goddess motifs. she looks so regal and awe-inspiring but in a different way from her #snezhnayan attire--archaic. divine. and more suited to her personal style.....yet both versions of her look so painfully isolated :'>#her blank eyes. emotionless face. and veil give me the vibes of a spooky victorian ghost...or would a statue/ portrait be more fitting??#the lack of a necklace is also an interesting design choice given what happens in the fic. and now i realized i forgot to comment on your #version of her snezhnayan necklace oops. similar to the kokoshnik and earrings. the size + grandeur makes it impossible to ignore #that and big jewels = expensive af. ohhh and i love the sparkles on her veil!! pierro rlly spared no expense in dressing up his wifey <3 #it's also funny how all of these outfits are similar to my own version in terms of 'savior wore grand clothing during her glory days as a #goddess -> wore simple attire after her decline for practicality and to blend in with humans/ disassociate from her old identity -> is now #dressed in even grander clothing as the harbinger's spouse. but it's used to reinforce her new identity and pierro's control over her'#tldr:: your design is so creative and i can see the effort you put in analyzing her character and depicting her based on your interpretatio #thank you for being my mutual + reader and i hope we can share even more harbinger/darling brainrot in the future :>

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somuchbetterthanthat · 9 months

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You ever think about Greater Boston for 0.2 seconds and have to sit down (even though you're already sitting) because the sheer wildness and goodness of this show keeps hitting you abruptly when you least expect it?

The complete absurdity of its concepts combined with the genuine earnestness of it, the fucking HUMANITY that this show throws at you, again and again and again, until you, a random person who was in it because Leon Stamatis is husband material, you who listened to the first episodes with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck and had no idea who the hell Mark Wahlberg even was, pondering all the while if this was just not a bit too much for you coz you weren't feeling in on the inside joke, YOU are having stupid sympathetic emotions seeing the real Ben Affleck because, after all, hasn't he just lost Matt Damon to a train crash who only had minor casualities because a former evil publisher had been redeemed enough to team up with a ghost whose mind had been trapped in a cheese robot-turned-train-conductor..??

It's the casual way this show takes you by the hand for an insane ride where half the time you're like "what the HELL is going on" and then when you're done with it every single character just keeps sitting with you, right there, even the most silly ones, because this show has actually been whispering to you in your ear the whole time: this is humanity, those are humans, look at them, look at the instinctive kindness and the anger and the pettiness and the joy and the silliness and the generosity and the sadness and the grief and the relief and the compassion and the understanding and and and and and --

i fucking love greater boston man. it just sink into your skin and it won't let go and i can't be mad about it.

#it's telling something that very often i just feel too foreigner to fully appreciate greater boston #i'm too french! but then i think of all the characters in it and i just! who cares that i don't get some of the references!#i get everything they're feeling! their humanity is my humanity and!!!!!!! ISNT THAT A GORGEOUS MESSAGE TO RELAY IN THIS DAY AND AGE???#greater boston #sorry i got emotional from one picture of real life ben affleck dropping his food i guess

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chalkrub · 1 year

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it’s my birthday yippee!! which means it’s also midge’s birthday, even BIGGER yippee! happy 1 year you silly bugbeast....sorry for depriving you of the coveted april fool birthdate, but if I can’t have it then neither can you

#my art #oc #midge #illustration #i worked myself into a corner getting the colours right for this so i just cheated and slapped a gradient map on lol #sorry midge i've gotta go do important things (impromptu bday cocktails with leetle frendos)#HAVE A GOOD DAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU!!! ON MY BEHALF!!!#i'm going to a tasting menu tomorrow with my mama we're gonna eat 9 courses of things like ''emotion of burnt pineapple''#which i'm very excited for i love pretentious food #OKAY byeeeeeeee muah muah muah #monster art

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chiimeramanticore · 7 days

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#im not dead quit asking #I'm just really really really not doing well #sorry if i scared anyone. that wasnt my intent #things got. let's say worse. for me irl. more complicated for sure #i hate to publicize my breakdown I really do. but maybe i... need this? in a weird way?#i haven't really been adjusting well to having a platform online. that's not anyone's fault but mine ofc #i feel that my 'fans' (if ive earned the right to call them that) dont and frankly cant ever care for me as a person #i dont know you and you dont know me. you dont know all of me at least. just what i make public. what i allow others to see #i had it kinda bullied into me that i need to keep my mouth shut abt my own issues. and ive spent a lot of this year trying to unlearn that #maybe publicizing this is a bad idea anyway #I just know ive been more honest abt my emotions and my personal life with my friends and my partner #and not everyone enjoys it but i know I'm not like. traumadumping so i feel somewhat assured that anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt my life-#-probably wasnt all that interested in forming a close relationship w me to begin with. even if theyre friendly at first #everyone else; the people who I know care about me; have shown me that through their actions #my point is being honest abt how youre doing w other ppl is a good idea. revolutionary i know lol #and i still don't know a lot of you personally but #parasocial or not i got some very genuine sounding messages while I was gone. and i. feel really bad that i worried those people #I guess theres my proof that people would care if i disappeared suddenly. people would notice pretty quick it seems #im never gonna kms btw. even if i didnt have the support i have im simply too stubborn to die lol. to put it lightly #and to those who thought this was abt fandom drama: it's not. those who shall not be named are genuinely the least of my problems these days #I'm on a journey of self actualization. or something. im trying to get my shit together. im trying to stop being clinically depressed lol #but god keeps throwing wrenches in my plans and. i beat myself up about it too much #but that's just life. they say you make a plan and god laughs #im. trying to be okay with just riding the wave. im impatient but if i keep trying to somehow speed up time im just gonna exhaust myself #which I think is where im at now. burnt out #and on top of all that i still feel this need to like. perform for you guys #if i dont keep making content everyone will forget i exist. if i dont make another video essay this year can i even call myself a youtuber #etc etc. its the spiral its impostor syndrome we've all been there #im trying to end this on a positive note but idk. i dont have all the answers yet #hoping i figure it out soon. i hope you dont forget me in the meantime

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addie4ddie2005 · 2 days

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Before I went to bed I saw the Youtube notif that TADC was going to Netflix and it INVADED my dreams so vividly I have not had such an episodic sequential serialized cohesive dream in months it was literally its own chapter its own short story

#I was Pomni it was literally Pomni POV #Caine had cooked up some sporty adventure and I was like Ummm...... no #So I found a glitch where I could hide in a technically out-of-bounds area #I had a theory that if I stayed super close to the ground I wouldn't be in the range of Caine's mod powers or whatever #Some random girl was w me I don't think she was important #Anyways I started thinking “This could hurt. When they leave #the map will not have to exist.”#I'd be crushed by the nonexistence of the area I'm in. When they come back I'll load in somewhere slightly different #and be stuck in the walls."#DIDN'T HAPPEN everything was OK #But at some point I was like man... sure is boring and scary. Sure wish my friends were here.#So I ended up finding them anyway LMAO #I told them what happened cuz they were obviously concerned and Caine got his feelings hurt???#Like. surprising moment of clarity. Everyone was shocked and uncomfortable.#Bro was like “I try so hard for U guys 🥺 I just don't get it. Why didn't you just tell me you wanted to stay home??”#Most everyone was like IDC UR OUR JAILER!! CRY ABT IT!! but me and Ragatha were coerced into pity...#Like yeah whatever. Sorry man. I'll be honest next time and not do things that could make me die. I think we were just caught off-guard.#Exchanging glances like “Wow... didn't know he could feel anything!” Like imagine if ur Furby just had an emotional outburst #and felt remorse abt it. WYD.#I think we held his hands or sum cuz all my dreams end like a Barbie movie #Episode ended and I was like Wow :) Great show #Sorta off-topic but the cafeteria today started playing very quiet carnival music for Hoco and I literally felt chills up my back cuz #I had been thinking abt Pommy all day...#I used to be enraptured by clown motif what happened #Did I throw it up #For the best...... for the best.

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sciderman · 7 months

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I would say you’re more of a Mr peanut butter type yeah

doggy doggy what now?

#sci speaks #i love mr peanutbutter.#i think i love especially that eventually people stopped liking him.#cute quirky doggy winds up being a JERK actually just like the rest of us.#i love him and i love that.#really need to rewatch bojack actually because i don't remember it very well but god do i remember Loving it.#i think it's probably the best adult animated series i've ever seen. just. like. i don't know. it's the kind of writing that i really love.#where all the characters are bad actually. and you think they might be outwardly put together but they're not.#bojack is a GREAT SHOW. depressing but great.#i can't even like recommend it to anybody i'm like. yeah. it'll depress you. sorry. but that's why i like it.#i like those kind of ugly sincere emotions that make me feel less alone for being an asshole sometimes.#not in a “haha this character i like is an asshole so i can be an asshole too” kind of a way but in a .#i shouldn't despise myself because this is just part of what it is to be human i guess. you'll mess up and make selfish choices.#we all have that same software and i don't know. makes me feel less alone. i love to see that nobody else has it put together either.#it's not just me floating in the world with no direction.#it do be why i hate people who point at a character and say “BAD ROLEMODEL!! why aren't they PERFECT??”#get out shut up i hate you.#try living LIFE for five days maybe.

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turtlecleric · 9 months

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#(huge relieved sigh)#I'm emotional over the little community that I get to participate in here #been on Tumblr over 10 years #been in multiple fandoms that I've made content for #and this is the first time I've experienced this level of interaction and community #first time I've had mutuals and had that actually mean something #I'm still terrified of unknowingly doing something rude or wrong or annoying (which is why I struggle so much to tag people) but #idk I'm starting to feel braver #I'm actually getting emotional thinking about it #sorry I'm just #maybe rereading symphony and noticing how lonely Violist-chan is has got me focused on how lonely I am too #and yeah it's not like I'm anyone's actual friend on here but just being able to interact and participate and be welcomed is...#idk #there's this gnawing ache in my chest all the time but this little community brings me sparks of joy that I haven't felt in a long time #sorry ignore me I'm just #i don't know #I'm trying to express my gratitude but I'm not doing a very good job #if anyone actually reads this just know I'm trying to say thank you for being nice and for letting me be feral over turtles with you #and i hope you're all having a good day

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candlebel · 7 months

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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.

#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin #I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it #or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again #I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY #that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back #that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha #No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel #safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#vent #stuff

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emometalhead · 3 months

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I've been having like low level paranoia since yesterday evening, and now I just can't shake the feeling that something drastically awful has happened.

#you know when you're like waiting for the other shoe to drop?#I feel like any second now I'm going to find out about something awful #I've been paranoid all day and had a mini freak out yesterday but nothing that intense since #now I can't shake this feeling that something beyond me is very wrong #I hate this #I'm highkey worried about not getting sleep tonight #lack of sleep always makes my mental health and paranoia worse (which like yeah no duh)#sorry for this rambling. not sure there's a point here. just a little concerned I'm heading for a spiral #I think it can be helpful to document things as they happen so I have a written record to refer back to #sometimes it's difficult to pinpoint when certain emotions creep in #ashley rambles

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jattendschaton · 1 year

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holding back tears when your 47k fic hits 80 kudos but you cant like celebrate with anyone because thats literally not even an accomplishment but you thought it would never actually reach 80 kudos and you're being an emotional little baby :') :') :')

#it's literally only gotten 5 kudos and 2 comments since it updated a week ago so i know this is what it's going to cap out at #and i just didnt think it would actually make it to 80 kudos and ive been very emotional the past few days so i'm just #actually holding back tears this is so fucking stupid akdsjkld #other actually good writers are like wow! look my fic hit 1k kudos!#and that's such a cool accomplishment but like. i will literally never write something that gets that many kudos #so if i waited until i hit real accomplishments i would just never celebrate anything! i'm sorry i'm so bad at things 😭#so anyway clearly we are not made of the same stuff and you folks are all lightyears ahead of me in terms of ability #so i will politely take myself out of your airspace because i am not worthy to be around y'all #but i will privately celebrate my stupid little milestones :') <3

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dogearedheart · 5 days

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🏞🏞🏞