#sorry ive been talking about the mirror arc with a friend

[cloud-somersault]

Oh god. Macaque may have made a big deal about closing their chapter and moving on, but if he got that and wukong appears to find someone else, mac would NOT be able to handle it

Yeah, exactly. Macaque made this attempt to push Wukong away, but that's not really what he wanted. A part of him is rationalizing that being apart from Wukong would be overall safer (which, fair), but he doesn't want to be without him. He just feels unimportant and unloved and forgotten and abandoned. And even though Wukong didn't do any abandoning, those feelings are still there for Macaque.

And Macaque just hates. The Great Companions. And Tripitaka. Primarily for being more important to Wukong than he himself was. And though Wukong said he wasn't making a choice, the fact that he killed Macaque just fed into those feelings of abandonment. 

That's why Macaque says "I'll never be the most important thing to you." And he kind of breaks down there because he doesn't think he'll ever be the most important thing to Wukong.

But Wukong loves Macaque with his entire heart. He never stopped loving him and grieving for him. Wukong is so sentimental...he cannot help this. The moment an opportunity presented itself for him to be 💯 honest? He took it and bared his whole heart.

All that to say, if Wukong did find someone else (he wouldn't, he's too in love with Macaque), Macaque would not be able to handle that and he'd try and get Wukong's attention no matter what. He'd be petty and mean and immature about it. He wouldn't handle it with grace. And, depending on characterization, it could get worse but.

Idk. Macaque and Wukong's relationship is so specific in canon and especially so in this AU. And in this AU, Macaque and Wukong are so intertwined that..neither of them would be able to handle it if the other took interest in another. They're too possessive. They're too...in tune with each other. They know, deep down, that they belong together. But Macaque is scared and apprehensive for obvious reasons. He doesn't want to be hurt again and he knows there's too big of a chance of that happening.

But he also loves Wukong fiercely, and he showed that by wiping his tears and cradling his face and speaking honestly. 

But yeah, even if they did mutually decide to go their separate ways....hmm they wouldn't. Wukong wouldn't accept that. And deep down, even if Macaque kept pushing Wukong away, he would want Wukong to keep reaching out to him. Just so he knows Wukong loves him and won't forget him.

[nerves-nebula]

!!!!!!! IVE FINDALLY FOUND A FELLOW MANDELA CATALOG DISLIKER

I've been into the ARG/Unfiction genre since like. 2015. And literally I've understood the hype around almost every unfiction project to some degree, EXCEPT for Mandela catalogue. Like. I've never understood the hype. Maybe it's just because I found it to feel very formulaic but like. Some of the faces used for this that are meant to be slightly unsettling are just,, not perfectly proportional and are badly lit?? Like literally that's it. Like there are real people who look like that. Fix the lighting and it's just gonna look like your neighbor of something. It's not very scary

But also like, for real? On your points abt how the series itself gives off A Lot if proto-fascistic messaging,

when I first watched it I was like "oh! That's the point! This is abt how fascist governments use media like TV to influence and misinform the public in service to facism and paranoia. Like these doppelgangers aren't actually real! They're just made up boogiemen to incentivize the public to turn on their neighbors/to attack people who are disfigured or disabled" and I thought that I finally was maybe getting why people found it interesting and that I had judged it too harshly

And then it wasn't that and instead was like "yeah no. There IS a secret boogeyman group who aren't (side eye to that) who are gonna steal your children via television (even Bigger side eye), and nearly off of them are just like, slightly photoshopped pictures of Real People but now they're just disfigured/disabled/literally just slightly non proportional features

This series could be very cool, but its just a thematic mess and is (intentionally or not) communicating a lot of facistic/eugenic sentiments

Idk if this anon is well phrased but like. You're so right it's unreal

-Gonzo

HAHAHHHHH YESSSS. YESSSSS. ITS SUCH A MESSSS.

LIKE. what is the POINT. half the "scary" ppl look like someone I'd see on the bus. the intruder looks like the homeless guy who asked me for bus fair a while back.

CRUCIALLY I don't think any of the bigotry was intentional, however it's SO thoroughly interwoven into Alex's worldview and the world he's created that it's like. at the fucking center of everything. it's insane to me how full grown adults analyze it on youtube and somehow manage to do that without comparing and compiling all the tropes it uses to make its point (whatever it's point even IS)

whenever me & my friend talk about it we somehow manage to keep tripping into different kinds of bigotry!! we'll be talking about ableism and how Adam's arc is very similar to many changeling tropes, which were (and to some extent still are, see: Star Children/Indigo Children) often used to abuse neurodivergent or mentally ill/disabled children. and we'll realize that Adam arc ALSO mirrors the Tragic Mulatto storyline too and it's like wow!! Two in one! you've done it so bad!!

a lot of the issues with it are small little things that could be excused as a coincidence- EXCEPT THERE'S SO MANY LITTLE THINGS THAT IT BECOMES IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE.

it's like- ok imagine this: you're having an interaction with someone and they do a microaggression at you, right? not outwardly bigoted, just kind of ignorant. and you're like, ok. fine. nobody is perfect, they probably didn't mean any harm. it's not worth kicking up a fuss about.

but if it keeps happening EVERY SINGLE TIME you talk to this person, it starts to build inside you and it's like. it's hard to even say why you hate them because you'd need to drag out every shitty tiny thing they've said and at that point you feel like maybe you're just being petty- BUT IT'S NOT PETTY IF IT HAPPENS EVERY SINGLE TIME AAA

ok sorry i started writing an essay again. i think my bud's gonna like this tho he's gonna be so happy other people did actually notice

[troop52]

do u !!! have any character theme songs for the troop boys? Like any songs you think really fits them (and why u think it fits)?

THATS A GREAT QUESTION!!

Before I get into it Im going to plug this collaborative Troop Playlist on Spotify, feel free to add onto it!! Continuing with my picks

I think a lot of the songs I associate with The Troop in general are just because I happened to listen to them around the same time I got into the book in the first place (So they could only be tangentially related BUT only if you squint hard) Example: Drunk by The Living Tombstone, cant really tie it into the story but in my mind its linked Some better, more fitting songs under the cut (Side note its LONGGG IM SORRY... Also its all YouTube links because some of these arent on Spotify :'^()

Disclaimer -Like 95% of my choices arent really a "These lyrics match up exactly 1 to 1" but more of an overall "the vibe/general idea its trying to capture lines up" type thing. If that makes sense.

Its Alright by Jack Stauber: Kind of self explanatory, I think its a perfect song for these guys. From "It's alright, I'm here, Everything's alright, Feels weird but calm, I wanna hear It's alright" to the whole sound of it- its all great. Equal parts distressing and sad with an almost eerie calmness to it. Despite it all theyre gonna be alright, right?

The Second Little Piggy by Worthikids: Another one that I think is sort of self explanatory- at least with the chorus. "If my brain turns to mush, If the shit hits the fan, Will you be my friend?" Kind of the falling apart of everything, specifically their relationships, in light of the incident.

Poor George by James Supercave: Another case of "listened to at the same time I read the book" BUT I was actually making a Troop PMV script with that song. I never finished it but maybe Ill revisit it... just for you

Cold Summer by Le Matos ft Computer Magic: I dont even think this takes place in the summer but the VIBES and also it came from Summer of 84, which is another good piece of murder boy media.

Treehouse by Alex G ft Emily Yacina: This is a Eef and Max type of song because they are bffs and thats final. Basic song because Im not creative, but I think its a nice heart to heart theyd have (with Eef doing the talking)

Fifteen Minuets by Nick Krol: On the flipside heres a song that goes with Eef and Maxs friendship fracturing, once again more from Eefs side than Maxs. THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTINGGG

As far as songs for the boys as individuals hmmm thats a good one that I havent thought about as much...

MAX + The Ghosts by The Real Tuesday Weld: That survivors guilt... lyrics arent like a perfect match but I think it gets that sort of hollow feeling across. Hes haunted man... + Final Girl by Electric Youth: Ok its a little funny because har har Final Girl Trope but I mean HE IS ONE. ANd dont look at me its a nice song- "Others were gone, and you kept going on, You know they never really noticed, you were always different, One by one, They're all done, And you're the last one standing" + Going Grazy by Lonesome Wyatt and the Holy Spooks: HONESTLY this could go for all the characters but Im tagging it onto Max because hes the one who has to deal with the aftermath of losing everyone (sorry survivors guilt Max again </3) "Everyone's saying my mind is unsound, 'Cause I always see you when you aren't around" "They're gonna wrap me in a jacket of white, And lock me away in a room without light" is what cements it as a Max song for me

EEF + The Existential Threat by Sparks: Once again starting sad, I link this one specifically to his paranoia about the worms- especially with lines like "Can't they see the existential threat is on its way". Kind of exasperated no one else can see the danger (he thinks) hes in. + Wrecking Ball by Mother Mother: I know I know its basic but I cant help it!!! Eef anger issues arc we are shaking hands me too + Haunted by Laura Les: Eef struggles with people seeing him as "just like his father" and I think we can get some good angst out of this track if we keep that in mind. Especially the back half of the song with lyrics like "Do you think I'm frightening?" and "Mirrors shatter when I'm passing, broken glass and crashing" since he is just a reflection of his dad (to others at least). Also song good.

KENT + Goodbye Mr A by The Hoosiers: Mfw the disillusionment with authority sets in. I think the vibe fits when he had that little epiphany about how adults are fucked- not perfect but it gets the idea across me thinks. + I'm Gonna Win by Rob Cantor: Ties into his need to "win" aka be the best at everything, be in charge, all that jazz! Hell do whatever it takes to be successful, even if it hurts. That was a little emo + Toba the Tura by Forgive Durden ft Chris Conley: Not to be emo again but "They say you're gifted, well I just see a scared kid. They must have flipped it, your skills are latent. O, you snuffed the glow. Replaced it with coals. Threw away the throne... This mess that you've made, it's a six-foot grave. It's a home for your lonesome bones that remain. We'll disappear, but you'll stay here to rot" AND SO ON AND SO FOURTH representing his fall after it was revealed he was sick. He was referred to as "the uncrowned king" and was on top of the world but then POOF that all crumbled and it was made out that he basically deserved what happened to him. It would be fun to make a pmv of him with this song (Simplifying my thoughts a bit because Ive already written a LOT)

NEWT + I Earn My Life by Lemon Demon: Ok a little Kentcore but Im actually having a hard time coming up with songs for Newton so here we are, they can share. Newt existential crisis moment time I guess + Know How by The Crane Wives: POV Newt struggles with going through with the plans he makes to keep everyone safe (stopping Max from touching Kent, going back into the cabin, etc) "I am not brave, I am not brave, I keep my focus on what is safe, You drew a line, made up your mind, And now I'm struggling to realize" And also maybe struggling with his place in the group and as a person in general- all that living through his cousin thing. "I gotta wrap my head around, What my heart is telling me, I've been trying to drown it out, Just because I know what I am, I am supposed to do now, Doesn't mean I know, Doesn't mean I know how" + On The Outside by Oingo Boingo: Idk man. Hes on the outside lookin in!! Loner nerd!! Its ok though, we still love him

SHEL + Bad Blood by Creature Feature: The lyrics speak for themselves: "I can guarantee I will do evil things, The only way that you can stop me now, Is if you put me in the ground, Somewhere I'll never be found" + Frontier Psychologist by The Avalanches: Hinges on the fact that the principal or whoever was like "Your sons a freak" and Shels mom was like "HES PERFECTLY FINE" while Shelley was like dismembering an animal or something + Johnny by American Murder Song: The songs good but theres this ONE LYRIC that sucks so the link provided is an edited version and also a lovely Warriors oc video I think you should all enjoy and support <3 Anyway Shel would be Johnny I could see this song being a scene in the book. Field trip to Shels house and they find his murder garden

If anyone wants more for Im not opposed to making another post :^)

[merrilldidnothingwrong]

and now, this

i have to say im incredibly shocked at the pushback im getting this week. i think im well known for my outspokenness about topics, serious ones, in fandom. not just bc im a marginalized person myself but because its an issue that comes up in fandom. and in life, period.

i dont run this blog to cater to cishet white able bodied people. not to say that is who is asking me to “tone it down”, but I’m just not going to. I’m never gonna stop speaking up. not ever.

its not drama, its peoples lives. its our experiences. people can be, and often are, triggered by certain things. so yes, i do tag things. and i do speak up about these things not only on my blog but on a personal level too. not everything is for my followers to see. i contact people privately, and i appreciate it when people DO come to me also. some things need to be worked out, and some things just need to be blocked. but yes i will regret forever how i let SOME people off easy just bc we were “friends”. i just wanted them to admit they were wrong and they never did, and just kept stringing me along.  im sorry so many people, good people got hurt.

i have #anti on main, which covers a variety of things. the word “anti” covers a lot of topics. there are people in fandom who unironically call themselves “anti anti’s” who think they are “free thinkers” and think of antis as evil. because anti antis are “pro shippers”, who are free to ship anything. age gaps, pedophilia, rape, abuse, dynamics where people are hurt. im an anti of this because it mirrors peoples experiences. it DOES affect peoples thinking into that its okay.

i have #fandom racism. its come up a lot this week. its when fandom is overly critical of a character of color, and looks the other way of a white character. or a blogger of color is dogpiled for their opinion. it is a variety of things.

also theres #fandom critical. which would be this post. me being told five different times im being “dramatic” for my posts. excuse me? calling out a blogger for excusing an anti anti of their rape apology is DRAMA?? have we all been watching too much daytime TV? i tag that under #anti on main, thanks

i started this blog in February of 2018 (happy belated 2 year anniversary to me lol) and this is the way ive always run things, and always will. this post is tagged, i tag things for myself and for everyone else.

i am happy to tag things for safety reasons, but i will not ever refer to this as DRAMA

also on a personal note i know cu//en is a popular character in the DA world but he is a HUGE discomfort for me. you will not find any positive posts about him on my blog. it is not personal to anyone else, it is personal to ME. i dissect his character a lot bc bioware half assed his “redemption” arc in inquisition, i fell for it, a lot of people fell for it. it just wasn’t there. when i bring him up its bc anons feel the need to argue with me or ive seen some BS post about it, but you know what? its not really worth it. its all been said. so i wont talk about it anymore.

and also with more info coming to light on how Muslim people feel about the chantry explosion, i wont make light of it anymore. i will always love anders, and what he did for Kirkwall, but real life isn’t kirkwall. Muslim people in fandom deserve better.

[magic5ball]

Nature Trail to Hell Arc IV: Megamart of Darkness (9)

Chapter 9: Dropping the A-Bomb

           I just stood there, having no idea what to say or do. It was like looking in a mirror at the grim, jaded hump of crap you know you’re going to be in ten years if the scholarship doesn’t work out. It was a sight that would bring most grown men to their knees, so considering I was a little kid at the time, it was a wonder I was even standing at all.

Yet somehow, I managed to spit words.

“T-the water.” I trembled, “g-give it back.”

He looked at the glowing plastic bottle in his hand. “Sorry kid, no can do. This here’s company property now. But if you want, I’m more than willing to sit down for an adult conversation.”

The way he said those last two words made my blood freeze, no small task when the ‘sun’ was shining so bright overhead. 

He gestured over to an area at the foot of the inflatable volcano, where two plastic chairs and a table rested. On top of the table were several Red Solo cups and a bottle of Crystal Springs Bottled Water.

“Like I said, its’ been awhile since I’ve had company. Besides the Wegmart Company, that is! Ha!”

My feeble ten year old mind struggled to grapple with the fact that someday I would find jokes like that funny. One of the most horrible experiences of my life.

But what could I do? Thanks to stories from my gangster days, I knew darn well what this A-Bomb was capable of, and I wasn’t really in a position to take chances. So I followed him to the tables, trying not to think about how Bokrug should have been here by now, despite his lumbering movements.

Naturally, I didn’t make a peep. If there’s one thing I learned from comic books, its’ best not to set these friendly-lookin’ types off.

When we did get to that table, first thing the guy did was offer me some of that crisp, refreshing, bottled water. Though the heat from the lava made it really tempting, I knew I’d never be able to live with myself if I did.

“Suit yourself, kiddo.” He said, pouring a cup of his own. “We aren’t that different, you know. In fact, you’re a lot like me when I was little…”

On the outside, I stared like the teacher was about to bring the whipping stick. On the inside, I wanted to scream, because long talks with my Dad had taught me where this was going.

                                                      .   .   .

“When I was your age, I also went to a Summer Camp, it was called Camp Salmon or something like that. Anyway, the counselors running the camp were mean. Like, really, really mean, so the second I could I dashed right on out of there and into the woods. Sound familiar?”

Naturally, I didn’t say a word. Throat was too parched, anyway. A-Bomb laughed.

“Oh who am I kidding?! Of course it does! I know because Wegmart has surveillance cameras everywhere!”

He pressed something under the table, and from the ground emerged a device made from a bunch of big screen T.V.s hastily duct taped together, several flashing images of my adventures over the summer. The rest showed the frozen foods aisle, where my feathered allies were getting ‘ahem’, ‘cleaned up’ in the most gruesome way possible.

“Like you, Watterson Tostig, I went into the underworld and escaped. I too, was inducted into a gang of dinosaurs. I, too, became God of Roadside America. But at the end of the day, guys like us have to settle down and face reality. Wegmart saved me, kid, and if you’re willing, it’ll save you too.”

All that time, I didn’t turn away from the screen. I couldn’t.

“I thought I could spend the rest of my life hiding in the produce aisle. But I was foolish back then, a rogue vagrant eating grapefruit peels. Until THEY rescued we. The founders of Wegmart took my withered ghost and showed me the way to love, happiness, and most importantly, low, low prices!”

Yeah, yeah. The low, low price of a human soul!

“I was weak at first, but the kind folks at Wegmart saw my talents as a brown bagger and before I knew it, I had my own private toothpick in the faculty room! After that, they put me into production.”

Here’s the thing about young me being stoic: even at the best of times, he was kinda bad at it. Sometimes I even wonder if he had some kind of attention deficit. Not saying little me cocked an eyebrow at the mention of ‘production’, but he looked at me like I did before he went on yammering again. 

“Oh yeah! You’re not in the know of company business. Right!  See, our store used to have a 3D printer they would use to take the employee of the month and just clone him until they had an entire staff of the perfect worker! And yours truly has held the position for ten years!”

Ever since I was young enough to confuse Wegmart with Disneyland, I’d always noticed how all the brown baggers looked the same. Suddenly, everything made terrible, terrible sense. But worse was the realization that, just like those cereal box sweepstakes, the empty, dotted line cutout of a man could have easily been me!

“Shame they recalled the printer. Something about lead based ink. Or the clones having higher than normal rates of cancer. Really, I just signed the paperwork. But enough of the sad stuff, Watters! Let’s talk future! Because I’ve seen you in action and man, you’re just the kind of spunk to breathe life into this company!”

Least, I think that’s what he said. Bokrug’s running tardy was really nerving me up.

“So join me, Watterson! And let us rule the Wegmart like manager and employee!”

“No.” I whispered.

“Eh?” A-Bomb cocked an eyebrow, like he’d never heard the word in years.

And with that, I could stay silent no longer. The anger, the one that’d been boiling so steadily I me like the giant volcano we sat at the foot of, went full Krakatoa!

“Are you deaf, poophead?! I said NO!. And you know why? Because all you did was make a giant self-pity sob story for yourself, because you think that if you can drag me down with you into this Megamart of Darkness, you’ll feel better about stealing water from a bunch of geese! I’m pretty sure you could have gotten some from Rite Aid if you were willing to play fair!”

“Rite Aid doesn’t sell-“

“My point is, you’re just jealous of me because I’m not a cog in the machine like you! And that ‘we’re so alike’ bullcrap wouldn’t work on a five year old! So no, I won’t join you, because I might have sold my soul to a Tako Shak, but even I have stinking standards, you self-pitying TURD!”

A-Bomb stared at me, mouth agape for a few seconds. “T-the T-word?...”

“You heard me right, TURD!, so you better let me go unless you want more of the same! I’ll even tell my Mom, and you really don’t want to see her when she’s angry!”

“No, no, I get it…” he pushed a button under the table.

Another hole opened in the ground, and from it emerged what I can only describe as a nuclear missile made entirely of fuzzy orange Shampows.

“Your friends and family are holding you back, little bro! So how about I sweeten the deal: you join me, and I don’t rain Shampow down on your entire neighborhood!”

I tried to move, only to find myself stuck to my seat. Literally. The son of a snitch must have superglued the thing beforehand!

“So, do we have a deal?”

I didn’t say a word.

“Do. We. Have. A. Deal?”

Now I might have been a bit of a turd back in the day, but darn it, I couldn’t let an entire neighborhood get wiped from existence! Especially when the neighbor hadn’t even returned out lawnmower yet!

“Okay! Okay! I’ll join you! I’ll be your whipping boy. I’ll even stock Barbie dolls if I have to! Just don’t press hat button!”

And you know what the prick did? He kept putting his finger closer and closer to the launch button!

“But I thought you said you wouldn’t do it if I joined!”

“Foolish Watt! Your petty loyalties to the neighborhood make you weak! We must purge this from your mind so you can know true Wegmart! Just like my manager did to my neighborhood!”

But you know what the worst part was? He said this using the most condescending, prickish voice I could imagine.

Still, one thing needed clearing up.

“Hey A-Bomb? What was your neighborhood?”

Guy didn’t say a word, but the way he shut up after that spoke plenty.

“… They called it New Jersey.” He whispered.

I rolled my eyes, knowing full well it might be the last time I ever express sarcasm. Of course!

Time slowed to a crawl as I waited on the imminent destruction of everything I ever gave a crap about. Oh, I tried to see things from the half full perspective, but not even the knowledge my douchebag brother was probably going to get caught dab smack in the middle of the detonation zone passed out on the couch watching teen drama reruns could compensate for everything. At least A-Bomb was taking his sweet time pressing, probably so he could rub it in more.

In fact, he was taking a lot of sweet time. (Granted five minutes is pretty long for a ten year old, but still!) Then I noticed he was pressing the detonation button multiple times, each time faster and more flustered. I looked up, wondering if the Lord himself had intervened on behalf of little old me, even after everything. 

In fact, my salvation had come in the form of a certain goose, who grinned triumphantly, a plug and wire in his beak, machine gun cradled in his wings.

“Bokrug!”

The noble bird spit out the plug, beaming with triumph despite being so plucked of feathers he was practically naked. A-Bomb was, on the other hand, for the first time since I saw him feeling something other than calm, collected, or several other words you find in yoga advertisements. His face turned so red I figured he’d explode any minute, just like his namesake.

“YOU!” he leapt up from his seat, facing down the glorious gander. ”I had ONE chance to find happiness! ONE chance to have somebody to share this miserable job! Years of planning, plotting, scheming, and with one bite you ruined it!” He unsheathed those golf clubs from his back. “Do you know what its’ like to run a store with only clones of yourself?! With everyone knowing exactly what you do?! Its’ so, so BOORIIINNGGG!”

“Then perhaps you should have found a happiness that did not require the suffering of another.” He bared his beak, bits of Wegmart technology still stuck in them. “Or technology easily damaged by the humblest of beaks.” like he was emphasizing the point, he cocked the machine gun, maing probably the world’s most satisfying click. 

“Who do you think you are, my Mom?!” He spun his golf clubs around, making a combination of kung-fu poses and noises that could only be described as either really stupid or really racist. Possibly both.

“Bokrug-kun! You have brought great dishonor upon my house. Prepare to die!” he cried in the phoniest Japanese accent I ever heard.

“I’m Egyptian, you a$$hole!”

With a guttural roar, the waterfowl from hell charged in kind, raining bullets like hellfire.

It was the awesomest f*cking thing I ever saw.

[abiik]

@vhsgf replied to your post “this song made me realize i've never written about jason missing zoe”

heather this might be too forward and angsty of me to say (pls lmk if is) but now i am curious about zoe reacting to jason's death and then mirroring w jason coming back from the dead and then finding out his best friend is dead. like it sounds so PAINFUL but like. also i wanna know about it. heather what have you done i-

i had to put my hair up for this. im literally so emotional about this rn,,,like when am i not but STILL OKAY IT MAKES ME VERY [SCREECHES] (also a read more because this is fucking long im so sorry)

okay let’s start with zoe because jason’s death is a traumatic thing for her on like multiple points all relating back to when she was like elementary school aged (im pretty sure i have it where she’s like 8 ish when this happens). before jason and before going into the whole vigilante business – no matter what version of zoe you prefer – she loses her two younger brothers in a joker related accident. he kills them. and zoe… zoe is so,,, well she’s angry. because no one does anything. no one. not that fabled batman, not the police, not the fucking government – NOBODY. and she’s just supposed to keep living her life like everything is fucking fine because oh that’s just the way gotham is. and like why the fuck would she just keep living her life when her barely out of toddler aged little brothers are now dead?? why wouldn’t she want to do something about that?? why the fuck should she just let it roll off her back like no biggie?? (of course, this is a catalyst for her mother’s downward spiral and eventual disappearance, and then keme’s).

then of course, there’s zoe’s powers. at that age she didn’t really understand the extent of them, what she could do with them and all that, but as they develop and her own awareness of them develop, she is faced by like intense guilt and remorse. if only she’d been able to do something. if only she’d been there. if only she could’ve stopped the joker. if only, if only, if only. and like, realistically, there wasn’t much she could do. it wasn’t like she knew fully how strong she was; she’d barely gotten flying down at that point, but then she’s growing up and she realizes she never really had a limit. and she kind of has this complex, i’ve said it before but she really does try to bear the weight of the world on her shoulders, so everything that has happened to her up until this point after the twins die, it’s partly her fault; if only she could have been better, she could have saved them, she could have her mom, she could have keme – she could have her family back.

then, of course, there is in all of this her intense hatred of the joker. and by correlation to the whole fucking issue, gotham city and batman. (ive said that they kind of grow to like each other more, but when z and jay become friends and through their teen years until his death, it’s kind of like whenever youre gay and your bff is gay and you both kind of hate the other’s really fucked up parent who’s okay sometimes but isn’t all the time and you would totally like throw down with them if only there weren’t like,,,repercussions)

anyway, so when jason dies, it’s a big fucking deal. like he’d already been acting weird, bruce was worried about him, z was worried about him, and then he dies okay. and zoe… bruce doesn’t tell zoe right away. he doesn’t tell her and when zoe does find out, she. is. pissed. all of the shit with her baby brothers comes back. she wasn’t there. she wasn’t able to save him – because she sure as hell KNOWS that she could have at this point. and now he’s GONE. AND THIS ENTIRE TIME, SHE HAD NO FUCKING CLUE BECAUSE BRUCE DIDN’T TELL HER!!! she couldn’t even go to his funeral!!! and then, AND THEN, on fucking top of that – it was the joker who killed him. so jason’s death was like a fucking quadruple blow to her.

after finding out the details, zoe goes binary for the first time. and it’s… well it’s scary. it takes a whole lot of coaxing from old teammates and being physically restrained by diana (who lowkey is kinda like why?? are?? we?? stopping?? her?? from?? killing?? the?? joker??) and clark and donna, and they can’t even really knock her out because when she’s binary, there’s only really waiting out the duration of the high until she passes tf out from using too much energy. which she DOES and then after a good long talk with gran-gran, zoe’s going on a much needed retreat with diana to themyscira.

during that time, zoe’s super depressed. like reasonably, so. she’s so exhausted and she’s still angry but she’s also just like,,, so tired. she lost her best friend dude. like she loves jason so much, she loves him so much, and then he was just gone. poof! and at least, at least with atsa and ahiga, she got to like, be there for their send off. jason ends up being another hole in her life, like her dad and her mom and keme. he’s added to this list of people who all were just…g o n e. she didn’t get to mourn them. like obviously, she can, but every time she thinks about jason, she begins to spiral. (this is kind of when she starts drinking,,,, human alcohol can’t really touch her but she does therapeutically – which is!! not good!!) she also begins to distance herself – from jason’s titans (connor holds on with an iron grip and eddie still checks up on her, but rose was just as distraught and kyle is still kind of numb), from the original titans, from bruce and alfred, from diana, even from gran-gran and uncle bell. she fills the void with work as well as the alcohol that doesn’t really do anything to her except make her mouth taste gross and weird and she hates it but it’s become a habit. if she isn’t out doing some reckless thing while saving the world, then she’s at a bar or just sitting by the ocean.

she has bad dreams too, like horrible dreams. and like,,, they’re not necessarily horrific or anything,, she usually dreams about good times, memories with jason or with atsa and ahiga, sometimes some weird mixture of all three of them hanging out together and it’s the worst fucking thing because she wakes up and she wishes she was there too, that she could stay with them, because she misses them so much. she just wants her family back, she wants the family she had before jason and dick and alfred and the titans, but she also wants them too – she wants all of it.

and then it all comes to head with her dad’s sudden involvement with earth and shit. zoe sacrifices herself not only because she carries the fucking world on her shoulders and has a stupid martyr complex, but also because she thinks she’d be okay dying like this. she doesn’t. die that is. she doesn’t die but she also doesn’t come back.

jason’s revival story arc thing is all a bit murky for me bc I kind of like mix the whole waking up and clawing himself from his grave and also the under the red hood storyline (and like correct me if there is a version like that bc like,,, idk I can’t remember). anyway, so jason comes back, and like it’s kind of messy bc of timeline shit but he doesn’t really come back, come back, until z’s gone. like gone gone. like they held a funeral and everything for her. jason didn’t get to go and THAT is SHIT. like yeah, he wasn’t fucking alive, nobody fucking knows he’s alive anyway, but it still hurts.

and like,,, you know what else kind of hurts, is like he kind of thought that after he came back, if no one was on his side – if for some reason literally everyone was against him – he’d still have zoe. that’s the worst fucking part. he hears about what happened. he hears that she literally went ballistic. and like,, jason KNOWS that zoe would have his side, that zoe would be there for him, that even if she might not have agreed with some of the things he’s done, that she’d be right by his side, showing she cares. because like. like I know bruce is kind of stunted with emotional expression, but it’s really hard to feel like you’re appreciated when someone else’s love language is so fucking hard to translate, when you need constant validation, to be told you matter to be shown you matter to them and they can’t accommodate even a little bit, because of their pride or because they have to deem that you deserve it all of a sudden. and like I love bruce, but they way he treats his kids is shit. so yeah. jason feels hella alone when he comes back and his best friend, his rock, his ride or die (literally wfkejvnk) is fucking gone.

jason definitely has nightmares too. he doesn’t know how zoe died, like really know – no one does, because there hadn’t been a body. and jason’s mind can be a pretty dark place already, add on top of that the nightmares about his best friend dying the same way he did, or being like dick, who actually witnessed the explosion that ‘killed’ zoe. he can’t even fathom what zoe went through with his death, but eventually, as jason kind of comes back into the batfam and shit, he also kind of gets to be with the last of zoe’s family. gran-gran and uncle bell are much warmer than bruce wayne and that too big mansion and that cold fucking cave. jason goes to the ranch a lot, or finds himself at uncle bell’s antique shop whenever he needs a breather, to just be alone with something that close to zoe.

they literally both go through that period where they’re extremely reckless with mourning and regrets and fuck i never got to say this and fuck what could I have done differently, what could I have changed if I’d been there? but where jason is able to recover more effectively, zoe doesn’t do so well in space.

really, that song had triggered thoughts about jason going through her things, the things she left in his bedroom – that bruce refused to touch or move or anything – and just thinking back on their life together. it was definitely shorter than they expected and when jason thinks about it, it’s a whole bunch of salty anger and throat swelling sadness that has him kind of crippled. because like,,, he also knows how the twins died, he knows how it happened, not only did he have the firsthand accounts from those most effected, but also like, he read the reports. he KNOWS, and he feels kind of guilty, just a little bit, that what he did put her through a similar version to losing her baby brothers.

NREJKVNERLFEWLFJNEKR FUCK OKAY I THINK I NEED TO STOP LIKE THIS IS OBVIOUSLY JUST A BIG DUMB BUT BFJKERNFKJEN F   U   C   K  OKAY

[0tivez]

Ive never been the same since tbh 🥲 im forever paranoid now

Megumi would have the most confused expression ever. the visual representation of "huh??"

random hc that I just came up with: Megumi hair was literally a carbon copy of Toji's and the reason its all spiky now is bc gojo forced him to switch it up a bit; gojo can existence is a bit more peaceful since then. this is not canon compliant at all but idc let me leave in my fantasy world 😭

if it wasn't for the chokehold that Aki has me on- ill create a Facebook acc solely to respond to those stupid ass comments ffs

And I just finished reading the reze "arc" (dunno if you could call it an arc) and im so frustrated?? I think?? I dislike maxima and I love denji and FUCKING AKI IM GONNA- I love him, thats all im gonna say.

oh and im also skimming through jjk manga bc my friend is reading it as well (I actually think they already finished it??) and reading the word Shibuya just sends me into immediate panic lol

ofc Yuzuru has abs im gonna sob TT the core strength that man needs to do things on a ice must me insane.

you, talking about jjk: // me: 😍, your analyses (is that the plural??) are always on point and very satisfying to read LMFAO I hope that doesn't sound odd :,)

I agree that toji isn't as bad as people make him out to be as well! its funny bc my opinion about his character did a 180 quite literally. I used to think he was the worst.

Im glad to hear that your schedule is lighter now! I remember when I was in college (I dropped out bc of mental health reasons and now im figuring out what I truly wanna do) and the workload was absolutely insane. manifesting that you get awesome results 🕯

Also!! I finished writing and then editing my first fic!! it was a gojo angst LMFAO. I published it yesterday on a new blog! kinda like a fresh start :D im thinking of moving blogs as well; make the new one my main. I think making the navi was the hardest part of the whole blog creation tbh :p I wanted to share bc I'm excited and all!! 😅

and I know I already it but, welcome back!! thanks for taking the time to answer all my little asks as well, you didn't need to TT

I hope your week goes great! have a good one!! <3

-🥳 anon

i keep forgetting about many fights in shibuya, literally. i occasionally forget toji appeared in shibuya lmaoo my brain is protecting my mental health i guess

oof gojo teaching baby megumi how to style his hair in front of the mirror 🤧 he can't reach the mirror so gojo seats him on the counter 🥺

reze arc is bomb hehe. reze is best girl fr. i disliked her a lot at first but she's just so cool for me to hate her lmaoo. i've been meaning to reread csm cause i remember NOTHING but i don't know if i can handle everything just yet :') fun fact, i was planning to dress up as kobeni for a halloween party this year but had to go back home :') next year, hopefully! tho my main costume would be freddie mercury in i want to break free >:) i'm afraid no one would recognize my costume and i would be unmasked as a weeb and not the cool, cold blooded sexy bitch i am 😔

i swear to god aki is the sexiest man ever. the second he was introduced, i have created the holy trinity of cold blooded, black haired man.

okay hear me out. megumi, giyuu and aki ARE THE SAME EXACT CHARACTER. SAME. they even have the same fucking mbti and enneagram type ffs

if takahiro sakurai voices aki (which would be perfect, exactly how i imagined and also leaked as a possibility?) he will also add up to my holy trinity of men i simp for, that being geto, giyuu and aki lmaooooo im fucked 😫

sorry that came out of nowhere klmalwskmf i've been waiitng to tell someone this for ages now

(a little venty under the cut)

omg thank you 🥺🥺🥺 you're literally so sweet! i love splurging jjk bullshit out, having someone enjoy listening to them means the whole world to me, and i love you <3

toji appeared for like, 1% of the manga and became one of the best written characters imo. he's so complex, he's not good or bad. his character raises a very important question to me which seems to apply to jujutsu kaisen as a whole: what exactly is bad? can you really blame toji for the way he turned out to be? the things he did? there really is no winners in this manga, if the mc was switched, pretty sure our main cast would be the villains too

imagine a spin off from toji's pov 🤤

i especially love how toji fucked up the ENTIRE world for 3 million yen JKWNAWDSKJNASDW my man. the legend. i will DIE if gojo doesn't have a flashback of toji or smth like imagine. just imagine. him getting unboxed. he sees maki. he's like what the fuck?? and we see a panel of hidden inventory again. damn.

aah turns out it's not as light as i thought it would be lol

i can 100% understand dropping out for mental health reasons, especially now. i literally feel my mental health collapse physically. sadly, for my future, dropping out isn't really an option. i know that this feeling is temporary, i just feel angry you know? it's really just the tuesdays, i fucking hate tuesdays so much. i overslept TWICE today. TWICE. i hate tuesdays

workload really is awful! worst thing is, it's not the law part. i LOVE my law classes. i wish i could have fucking time to study for them. i mostly take non-law classes this semester and i swear to fucking god i'm not studying law, i'm studying whatever the fuck those classes are. i feel like i'm not learning anything from them, they're just bullshit. at least i hope they will be useful for when i start my interviews for internships. what do you have in mind for what you wanna do? how's the search going?

aah that's so exciting, congratulations! i would love to read it sometime, if you feel comfortable with sharing it of course :) i find organizing my blog so relaxing. just the sheer pleasure of organizing is so good, but tumblr is awful so i understand the struggle lol

aah thanks again! speaking with you relaxes me a lot :) i try to write back faster but i can't write on my phone TT

btw sorry for dumping everything all of the sudden lol this turned out very venty

have a good week babe 😽

[e-namor-a]

Masked pt. V

I am so sorry it’s taken me so fucking long to update. 

I really fucking am. 

School was kicking my ass and my mini-mester was hellish. I’m hoping that now that my school schedule is going back to normal, that I can update sooner. 

Let me know if you want to be added to the Tag List, that’s still open. Lemme know if your tag doesn’t work, as I’ve currently two that don’t. And let me know what you think, pretty please, I live to hear your lovely thoughts.

This chapter is somewhat of a character development chapter. I need to flesh my story out so my arc makes sense? Does that make sense? I hope so. Anyway, this chapter also somewhat skips POV between Y/N and Tony.

CW: Emotional Shit, Death, Angst (also no Bucky but lots of Tony) 

Again I really am super fucking sorry for the delay xx

Masterlist

pt.i/pt. ii/pt. iii/pt. iv

 You held your breath waiting, staring at the lit up screen



“Y/N?”, a concerned voice came out of tiny speaker sounding tinny. “Y/N, honey, hello? Please tell me something babe, I’m panicking here.”



You stuffed your hand into your mouth to stifle the sobs that you couldn’t swallow back anymore. You wanted to tell him to help you. To tell him that you missed him and that you were sorry and that you needed help but you couldn’t get the words out. You couldn’t breathe. You were suffocating and you needed him.

 

A small sob escaped you, and you heard him inhale sharply.



“Don’t worry Y/N, I’ll be there soon. I promise. Hang on babe. I’m on my way.”



You stopped muffling your sobs. He was coming for you. 



It took longer than Tony wanted to get to your location. You were nestled in a hidden corner of the Amazon jungle, tucked away so hidden that even with the jet at full speed the journey took several hours.

The entire time your sobs echoed in his head. He had only heard you cry one other time, and as he flew he was drawn back into the memory. 

He remembered seeing you from his bench by the entrance, your twin braids that extended halfway down your back, the way you gripped your suitcase so tightly that your knuckles shone white, and the intense way your eyes looked over the school. 

He remembered the man who stood beside you in a grey suit, and the curt nod you gave him before you walked into the building, never once turning back, back ramrod straight. 

You had given the headmaster a dismissive glance and had walked up the stairs to the dormitories. He had gotten up and silently followed from a distance, strangely fascinated by you. You walked up to your dorm room door, taken a quick glance to each side before letting out a deep breath and almost deflating, your suitcase hitting the marble floor with a sharp smack. 

Tony had seen the exhaustion and the sadness in your body, in the way that you gently pressed your forehead against the door, and your shoulders drooped. He stood watching, brown eyes knowing, as your shoulders began to shake and your knees wobbled. He saw your hands go up to your mouth and he heard your muffled sobs.

He had the urge to run up the remaining stairs and hold you, just comfort you, but he knew better. Tony looked down at his shoes, fighting his instinct to comfort and instead quietly walked back down to his book, deciding in that moment that the two of you would be friends.

Tony never told you he had seen you break down, and you had never volunteered a reason, though he had tried to get the answer out of you at several times during your long friendship. You were the most stoic person he knew, never revealing deep emotion, never letting people through the barriers in your mind.

Tony thought about everything that happened in those months you were gone and though he didn’t want to admit it, your sobs had shaken him to his core. He steeled himself for what he might see as he touched down in the jungle, taking care to cloak his plane and hide his features as best he could in the hot humid climate. He strolled out, calmly, and walked up the streets to the little house he had traced your phone to. 



He knocked on the door loudly, noting that the blackout curtains were still drawn and no lights seemed to be on. The worry he had managed to quash on his way to your house started to grow again.

He knocked again, even louder than before, before tucking his hand into his pocket letting his armor coat his hand and asking F.R.I.D.A.Y. to read your house for heat signatures.  Friday whispered in his ear that she detected one in the back corner of the house and Tony knew he couldn’t wait any longer. 

He peeked over his shoulder, making sure that no one was watching, and broke the door lock quickly and quietly pushing his way into the house. He lifted his hand, the repulsor illuminating the dark. He saw a pristine living room and kitchen, nicely decorated but lifeless and untouched. Tony could tell that those rooms were just for show. He continued down a small hallway to the one closed door at the end of it.

He opened the door and faltered at the smell that hit him. He saw piles of dresses, wigs, and shoes spilling out of the closet. The bed was bare except for one pillow, one torn stained sheet and a hunting knife he recognized was Barnes’. There were bottles of liquor, the rough biting moonshine kind, all over the place. Broken glass, torn paper, and plastic bags littering the room. He continued towards the back of the room, seeing the light coming out from the bottom of, what he assumed was, the bathroom door. 



He pushed the door open and he almost choked on the thick steam hitting him in the face. He looked around and saw the grimy white bathroom with a broken mirror, and at the back, the only contrast in the room, in the bathtub with water pouring on you. 

Your hair was plastered to your face, and you were sitting down with your knees tucked under your chin wearing an oversized black long-sleeve and shorts. Tony rushed towards you, hands extended, ready to pull you out before cringing back in pain. The water was scalding hot but you were sitting in it without flinching. He turned off the shower and gently reached in and scooped you out. You didn’t even react, and Tony could feel his panic rising even more than before.

He went and sat you down in your pristine living room, pacing in front of you unsure of what to do. F.R.I.D.A.Y. as though sensing his disquietness, offered suggestions ranging from calling Dr. Banner, to singing, to trying to use pressure to get you to snap out of your catatonia. 



Tony faltered, remembering that young girl from all those years ago, before kneeling down and, pressing his hands on your thighs trying to get a reaction. He let out a sigh and delicately, reached up to grab your face and try to get you to focus on his. Grabbing your face must’ve jolted something in you because almost instantly Tony found himself face first on the floor, arm painfully pinned, snarling accented Russian insults being hurled at him. 



“Y/N? Honey? Please? Let go of me. You’re hurting me babe. Please let go”, Tony plead.

 

He tried flexing his hand, trying to catch your attention and desperately starts singing a lullaby he had heard you sing before. Much to his surprise, his arm was loosened. He turned around and saw you kneeling on the floor, hands curled into claws and face frozen unseeing. His heart ached when he saw the pain etched in your wide unblinking eyes, now streaming tears. 

Hesitatingly, he reached out and pulled your body towards him. He hugged you tightly, tucking your head under his chin, and settled you in his lap as he softly rubbed your back and crooned your lullaby. 


It had been several hours since Tony had sung that lullaby to you. You were still curled in his lap, the tears had finally run out. He had stopped singing, and rocking and was now merely stroking your hair. Tired as you were, you could feel the fear and tension in his body and you knew you owed him an explanation. He had flown hundreds of miles and saved you as best as he could.

Yes, you owed him an explanation. 



But you couldn’t bring yourself to move. To speak. To do anything but let the vast ocean of loneliness and pain drown you. It kept dragging you down and frankly and you didn’t want to resurface. You could feel yourself nodding off, blackness closing in on you when you heard Tony speak. 



“You know, I saw you arrive, that first day at boarding school. You carried yourself like a proud queen, regal and proud. I saw you.” 



Tony shifted underneath you, turning your body towards his. He put his hand under your chin to try to lift it up, and succeed despite your stubborn attempt to keep it down. 



“You were beautiful and you intrigued me. I followed you that day. I was going to be smooth and charming and try to sweep you off your feet. I followed you up the stairs towards your dorm room and I saw. I saw you.” 



The embarrassment that went through was swift and harsh, you flinched as your pale sallow cheeks flushed. You hadn’t known that anyone had seen you. No one had ever seen you cry and the fact that Tony had seen you twice, made you feel even more embarrassment. 

You knew Tony felt you flinch when he wrapped his arms tighter around you. He didn’t stop talking, even though you desperately wished he would. 


“I saw you break down”, he repeated, “And I’ve never brought it up till now. Because now, now I’m more worried than I’ve ever been. More worried than I was that day. I’m fucking scared Y/N. I want to help you, I love you. You’re my sister and I can’t help because I don’t know what’s going on. So talk to me Y/N. Please. Please don’t run from me, babe. Just let me in Y/N, please.” 



Tony’s voice was quivering and his eyes shone with tears but still, you couldn’t get the words out of your mouth. They were ringing in your ears, they never stopped but you couldn’t get them out. You needed help.

Instead of answering him, you looked away and stood up. Wobbling, legs unsteady, you walked to your room going to pick up one of the liquor bottles lying around. You put it to your lips and drunk deeply, knowing it was finally time to let someone in. 



You walked back to your living room and sat cross-legged across from Tony.

 

You took a deep breath and whisperingly said, “Ok. I'll tell you.”

You swung a bit more alcohol and looked deep into Tony’s eyes. You could feel fear rising in you but fuck, you had to say it or it would kill you. Everything would change the second you told him. You knew it. No one wanted someone as dark and twisty as you. Still small irrational stupid part held out hope that he wouldn’t see you differently. That he wouldn’t treat you differently. He didn’t know the whole story. He didn’t know what had happened to you, what you had had to endure. What you had had to survive. 



Maybe he would be different. Maybe he would stick by you and make sure that you were ok despite the horrors that littered your past.

God the fear and panic were coating you, you were so fucking scared but fuckfuckfuck, you had to do it. You had to. 

So you took a deep breath and let it out. 


“On the morning of my fifteenth birthday, I killed my sister. I picked up a gun and shot her between the eyes in the middle of the living room. I picked her body up and buried it next to the open hole that would be my mothers grave in the rose garden at my family’s compound.”

You thought you were going to keel over from the pain, and the relief you felt. You wanted to cry and scream but one look up at Tony’s face kept you from reacting. Your old training kicked in and you pulled yourself back because on Tony’s face was a fear, mixed with disgust and pity. He was looking at you, just how you had hoped he wouldn’t. You had lost the last person in the world who loved you.

You smiled grimly and lifted the bottle to your lips again. You were a stupid foolish woman. What did you think would happen? You deserved nothing less.

You could see Tony’s mind going a billion miles an hour. Probably questioning every moment of friendship with you. You had killed your sister, clearly, you were unstable. A dark and twisty monstrosity. Why had you hoped Tony would be different? Fucking foolish. 



Your face betrayed none of your internal turmoil, you just sat there staring back at him evenly, while he gaped at you.

 

Finally, he let out a horrified, “You did what?”


His question cut you. Your last bit of hope died. You just wanted someone to fucking ask you if you were ok. You wanted to let it all out, to comfort. Goddammit, you should’ve known better than to trust him. You were too fucking much. Too much.

He was just like- 


You stopped before your mind conjured his name up or worse, his image. Neither man was ever truly going to be there for you, you should’ve known better.

Your father was right.You could hear his voice in your head now, ‘To trust is to lose. To love is to lose. And losing is unacceptable.’



You hadn’t wanted to admit it, you thought you could have a different life. You thought you could’ve had something more than what you were given at birth. Clearly not. You were done trying to fight it. The world had predetermined that you were to be cold, brutal and unfeeling. 

Why fight it?



“I killed my sister. Shot her right between the eyes.” You smirked, cold and cruel, “Like I was trained to. ”

You finished the remaining alcohol and stood up.

“Now get out. I don’t need you, or your pity or your friendship. Trusting you was a mistake, and it’ll never happen again. I’m going to pack and when I’m done, I expect you to be gone.” 



You turned and walked back to your dark room, closing the door. You stood in your bedroom for a moment letting rage and pain roil inside you, begging for an outlet. But you knew better now, you controlled your emotion, not the other way around.



Centered, you began moving around the room, grabbing what you needed.

Tony still sat in a dazed shock. You had murdered your sister? Had he heard you right? He wanted to ask you to repeat yourself but he knew that he had heard correctly, it wasn’t a misunderstanding. His Y/N, his little sister, had killed her sister.

His mind couldn’t move beyond that, even as he saw you slide your mask into place, even as he saw you drink deeply.

The only thing his mind could come up with to ask was a strangled, “You did what?”

It was a stupid thing to ask, he knew it as soon as the words left his lips but he couldn’t help it. He had to know what happened because his mind couldn’t understand what you had told him. 
As soon as he heard your answer he knew that if he didn’t act quickly, you were going to pull away from him. He wasn’t going to let that happen.

 

He watched you finish the alcohol and he saw the cold fury in your eyes, and the cold cruelty, as you smirked told him you wanted him gone. Once you turned to walk away, he shuddered. He couldn’t recognize you anymore. You were transforming into someone else. 



His mind went into overdrive, he was losing you and there was no way he was letting that happen. He ran to your room, breaking down your door.

 

“No Y/N.”  

You were standing by the empty bed, still as a statue with some scraps of fabric in your hands. He walked slowly to you, voice firm.

“You’re not leaving. We’re family. You’re all I have left. I’m not letting you leave. You can push everyone else out but not me. I will not abandon you.”



He saw you flinch at his final declaration. If he hadn’t been looking, he would’ve missed it. It was almost imperceptible, and in that moment he knew what he had to say. He realized what you needed to hear. 

How could he have been so slow in realizing it?

 

He reached out and grabbed you, turning you towards him. 

“I will not walk out on you. I will not leave you. I am your brother and I will never, as long as I live, abandon you. I care about your past because I can see how it is killing you. But no matter what you tell me, I won’t walk out.”

You could feel yourself reaching your breaking point. God fucking dammit. Why couldn’t he leave you be? You wanted to cry. Tony had just said what you wanted to hear all your life. What you had wanted to hear since you were a child. But now you didn’t know if it was worth it. Could you trust him?



Again you heard your fathers voice in your head, ‘To trust is to lose. To love is to lose. And losing is unacceptable.’

You stood, still as a statue throughout Tony’s declaration. You so desperately wanted to give in but you didn’t know if you could trust him. No one stayed for you. No one. Not your mother and not your sister. Could you trust him with your past and be assured that he would be there by the end of it.


Tony was holding you, and it felt so good to be cared for. You were going to break. You knew it. You couldn’t hold it in. 



Again, your father's sneering voice entered your head, ‘You are pathetic. I trained you better. You are cold. You are unfeeling. You are unbreakable. This is a failure. This is unacceptable.’

Tony was shaking you, trying to bring you out of your head. 

“Y/N, babe, trust me. Please. I’m here through it all, I swear on my life. Please Just let me in. Please, I’m begging you. Let me in.”

And suddenly you really couldn’t hold it back anymore. And with a great gasp, your mask finally broke.

You collapsed into his arms letting out a heartbroken wail, you sobbed, “I killed her. I killed her. Oh, God. Please make the pain stop. I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. Tony help me. He told me to and I killed her. Why God? Why? Help me. Please help me.”

__________________________________________________________

Tag List:

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[whittynovels]

restore me predictions 2

*"It made me wish I’d had a sister. Or a mother. Someone to learn from and lean on. A woman to teach me how to be brave in this body, among these men" -Juliette gets friends!!!!! -I want juliette to get a makeover and people who give her boy advice and talk with her about girl stuff and ugh girls -She was never this way with the twins it always felt so awkward *Will Kenji get a love interest? -“he tries” -kenji totes flirts with international people -is the ex-girlfriend his????? -tahereh said kenji doesn’t get anyone in this book but thats ok we'll have a slow burn over a 3 book arc it's what he deserves -T said it’s someone we don’t already know which is fair bc everyone we already know he said is too much like a sister to him so it would be weird *Juliette’s favorite color is black? Sounds fake but ok *JAMES AND WARNER JAMES AND WARNER JAMES AND WA -“were you CRYING?” ummmm just fucking punch me in the lung next time -honestly is every character in this book just gonna witness a warner breakdown why we gotta do him so dirty like that -james is gonna be so mad when they find out they’re brothers because in unravel me he gets pissed about not being told stuff/getting left out -I don’t think it’ll happen this soon *WARNER’S EMO POWERS IN HIS POV -THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE THING I’M EXCITED FOR AND SHE HASN’T SHOWN IT YET IN THE SAMPLER SO I WAS WORRIED BUT YIPPEE I CANT WAIT TO GET CUTE WARNETTE SCENES WHERE WARNER IS AWARE OF JULIETTE'S FEELINGS AND ASKS HER ABOUT IT AND WANTS TO VALIDATE THAT SHE FEELS OKAY ASFUGHJKL;; *JULIETTE DRINKING ADFSGUHDIJ’K -I always wanted to write this but idk -Juliette is happy drunk / warner is emo drunk -Warner super concerned taking care of her *More people with powers? [we been knew reaction pic] -I honestly couldn’t guess any of the powers without just reciting powers from twilight or something lol *Kenji calling warner a dick and warner wanting to punch him -ME -Tahereh is teasing so much kenji & warner dialogue that it makes me wonder about them. Why are they together so much. Why does warner trust kenji. What. Help. Slow down *THE KIND OF MUSIC WARNER LISTENS TO -Either smooth jazz or beyonce, there’s no in between *What warner did to be leader of sector 45 -Pressure waves dude??? -No other predictions. no clue. help. *A cliffhanger?? -I honestly can’t tell you what state my anxiety will be in if there’s a cliffhanger -I think it’ll mirror other books where there’s certainly stuff unsolved but it’s not like someone dies then it’s like “aight, see ya next year” *She keeps hinting about deaths but tbh I don’t think anything will happen until book 6 -She did this with ignite me thinking big deaths would happen but it was nothing -I think she teases to create angst and fear but we’ll be fine -I trust her (t don’t let me down) *Another chapter 55 (◕‿◕✿) *lgbt characters !!!!!!!!! kenji, Brendan, Winston, whatever mans kenji gets *nO ADAM AND KENJI BRO MOMENTS HAHAHAHA -Kenji roasts adam at every opportunity *wARNER SPEAKING SEVERAL LANGUAGES UUGHGHHHHH WHAT A MAN!!!!!! WHAT A MAN, MY DUDES!!!!!!!!!!!! -Seven languages? Oh my lORDDT -I’m not even gonna predict what they are but hooooleeeee mollleeeeeey -We get to see him speak “a couple” ugghhhh I can’t wait to see juliette hear him break into Arabic or something and she’s just like !!!!!!!!!!!! *When asked about juliette and adam’s friendship growing, tahereh said “he’s a part of the story and there’s more left to come” and im just like noooooooo -At the same time, juliette is so forgiving I don’t doubt they’ll finally talk *PPL ROAST ME ABOUT AN ADAM REDEMPTION ARC BUT JUST THINK ABOUT WARNER AND ADAM’S FRIENDSHIP AND ADAM BEING SOMEONE WHO CAN SAVE THEM ALL IF HE PROJECTS HIS POWER AND DISABLES OTHERS’. I’M JUST SAYIN G *WARNER NAKED CRYING ON THE GROUND -WARNER HAS ANXIETY??? PLS LET WARNER HAVE ANXIETY I WANT ANXIETY REP -But at the same time I don’t because #tooreal -I feel like she posted this quote so out of context and it could be nothing but I leapt to the worst conclusions -Why isn’t juliette there? Did they have a fight? Did something happen to her? Did he read his dad’s journals? -DOES KENJI SEE HIS SCARS? -Is warner completely naked?? I’m so confused. I’M SO CONFUSED *Kenji calling warner cute constantly mY HEArt *WHY IS JULIETTE’S POV SPOILERY -Is she kidnapped??? Is she miserable??? Is a character with mind control powers harming her??? Is she separated from warner? Like WHAT??? It’s so spoilery that she can’t even find one quote to give us? *THE VALENTINES DAY SNIPPET -JULIETTE’S CONFIDENCE -THE TOWEL -WARNER’S POV SEXYTIMES -FWUJAOIFPKOIOBLHEIJKMF -SLIHBFLABKVLEAJFGFYOUDLHIJF -I was legit sobbing I was so happy for the first warnette kiss in 4 years -(lowkey wish there was more dialogue and description but that feels almost gluttonous at this point because we are so fortunate for having it at all) *Tahereh said she “likes” the ending of restore me -I don’t think we’ll have a cliffhanger, like I said. -She said ���I don’t think it’s sad” so I hope it’s empowering like previous books -T said juliette is her favorite, ever, by the end of RM, so I think she’s fine and she doesn’t die clearly lol *AN EX-GIRLFRIEND COMES INTO PLAY -WHOSE??? WHAT IS THE TRUTH?????? -WHO IS GONNA CLAIM THIS WOMAN -Warner? Is it one of the overseas people? MY MANS IS A HOE!!!!! He out here saying “I didn’t have friends” but he actually meant “I had friends with benefits” -Kenji? Adam? Castle? I literally wish it were anyone else lol I’m solid on my theory of juliette being warner’s first everything but the internet and the author say otherwise *It’s confirmed that juliette MEETS her parents!!!!!! Oufhaouhilvgudyahisjkop;pzfx;ia I’MS O  EXCITED SHE’S GONNA ROAST THEM I’M REA DY FOR HER TO ROOOAST THEM!! -Also warner said in unravel me he wants to kill whoever made her miserable as a kid so I want warner to threaten them or pull a gun or something and im just ready for there to be tea -The biggest question I have—more than what warner did to be leader of sector 45—is what her parents are like. Not even just physically and with their personalities. I’m so split on wondering if they’re sorry or if they still hate her. Are they happy without her? Do they regret it? Will they accept her as she is now? Will they learn to trust her? *New novellas??!!?!! -I was shocked we didn’t get one before this book. -Whose POV? We get a kenji short story so maybe from him. Since we get warner POV in the book, it’s not as important anymore as a separate novella. So it’s gotta be kenji, adam, castle, Anderson, someone, idk. james? new characters? -Maybe it’ll have bonus content from previous books in the trilogy (LS PS LP PL SP L S PL SPL S PLS PLS PL SPL S PLS PL S PLS) *The bird symbolism comes back I’m emo -Juliette flying (ie. Airplanes, she becomes the bird herself? Idk) -I always thought it was so weird that the “the bird I imagined is the bird on adam’s chest” conflict/coincidence was just randomly dropped. -Does juliette become adam’s bird? -DOES MY GIRL FINALLY GET TO SEE A BIRD???? AHHHHHHH --i used to want ignite me to end with her seeing a bird so maybe i can finally have my dream come true and one of these books has her seeing a bird in it *Juliette’s powers are still growing -Unless it has to do with killing people and not physically moving stuff like castle then idk. I’m conflicted about this one. *More about warner’s mom, it’s ok I’m just gonna cry over here *Warner’s virginity better not be a hot topic in this book because I am tired and I’m so happy not knowing -Same how I feel with sex scenes like ty for having them but I don’t need to be ~too~ well-acquainted with their anatomy, ya know? pls no sarah j maas porn in these woods, thank you *Juliette and warner get to travel!!!!!!! -Now that warner knows how to drive a helicopter I just imagine them being like “hey Barbie wanna go for a ride” “sure ken” “hop in” then I don’t wanna live forever starts playing because wasn’t there a helicopter scene in fifty shades *Warner and his 5 o’clock shadow sounds fake bc in unravel me when he was being held captive there was no beard [angery frog meme] -Why my mans so stressed he aint shavin????????? He needs a hug and 3 advil *SHE EITHER GETS A HAIRCUT OR A TATTOO IN THIS BOOK -I’m 50/50. On one hand, she mentioned in ignite me that she needs a haircut, but I really really reall yreally hate haircuts in books so I’m salty -Also Ive always wished she’d get a tattoo bc it’s so empowering and she has a lot of mantras she lives by and warner is such a cheerleader for them and he would love it too *WARNER IS LITERALLY THE EMBODIMENT OF CAR RADIO ABOUT OUTRUNNING SILENCE OAUHOSJIKO;DI;FSLDGYHIJ MY MANS IS EMO AND I LOVE AND SUPPORT HIM UNCONDITIONALLY -I’m concerned that he and juliette aren’t together more in this book. She’s in a meeting he’s not invited to??? Aaron warner? More like aaron burr, not being in the room where it happened