#sorry not everyone has honey in their discography

[yasmi]

we need wonder girls on killing voice btw

[bobluvbot]

bonk!

pairing: bradley rooster bradshaw x f!reader

summary: in which fate uses a karaoke machine to lead the way for romance because you and Bradley are just too dumb and dense for it.

wc: 9k+ (sorry)

warnings: best friend!rooster, age difference, reader has a lot of insecurities like with body image (briefly mentioned, like one line only!) and self worth issues. implied sex so 18+ only! kinda beta’d. I *tried* to keep the angst at a minimum (i write angst but i am changing ok) but a LOT of pent up frustration. Still VERY fluffy though <3

A/N: Yeahhhhhhh. This started off as a single fluffy scenario with my beloved Rooster, but it kinda took a life of its own. Nonetheless, hope you enjoy! 

Reader’s call sign is Indigo!

If there was someone to blame for all this mess, it should be Mav. More often than not, it’s always Maverick’s fault.

He brought up the idea first during one of those after hours of the Hard Deck.

If nothing much has been going on back in base, you and Rooster, sometimes the rest of the Dagger squad would stay behind to help him and Penny clean and get everything straight for the next day. You would do it so often that Penny, who was adamant in shooing you guys away claiming that she could handle it, gave up trying and now checks if you’re cleaning thoroughly.

“Pen,” he’d said in passing, leaning against the mop he was using. “You know what’d make this place better?”

“Are you saying it isn’t already?”

Mav stutters, now realizing how his words could’ve sounded differently than he originally intended, much to you and Rooster’s amusement as you listened in to the conversation. “No- I- you know I didn’t mean it like that, honey.”

“I know,” Penny laughs. “I’m kidding. What were you saying, hun?”

“We should bring in a karaoke machine.”

-

In retrospect, it was a good idea. Not everyone who’d drunkenly belt out lyrics to a song could hit the right notes without the background music, the jukebox has not been updated to have all the hit music the younger crowd wants to hear, and not everyone could remember the piano chords of their favorite song. And as much as it would please the public demand, the highly acclaimed Rooster Bradshaw and his Great Balls of Fire could not commit to a nightly residency at the Hard Deck due to his demanding day job of being a fighter pilot. Welcoming the machine seemed like a harmless decision, and placing it outside seemed to complete the often deserted outdoor seating area.

And for a while it did what was expected. It brought in an interesting crowd to the bar. The nights you were there, you had witnessed a group of stressed college kids out back, screaming their lungs out through Evanescence’s discography. Another time, a small group were hunkered down by the machine, seemingly on guard as their drunk friend sobbed through Adele’s Someone Like You and Roxette’s It Must’ve Been Love. You had been tempted to hop on in a session when a group of friends decided to have a 2012 night, from Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift to One Direction and Little Mix. It brought out a lot of emotions from the patrons of the bar and soon enough it became a regular fixture at the Hard Deck, that Penny had to whip out a reservation list just for the outside seating to keep people from fighting over the time limit each group has before the next can have their go. It somehow made the place even more chaotic, especially during weekends, but added more income so no one was complaining.

It became a problem when you and the rest of the Top Gun instructors gave in to the hype and had a go for yourselves. It started out as innocent, drunk fun. You and the instructors around your age were sick of hearing the oldies and their outdated playlists from the jukebox (Don’t let Rooster know about this) as they played pool, so you went outside and dared each other to grab the mic and pick a song that you used to cry to during your first heartbreak with the promise of a crumpled 20$ bill someone dug out from their pocket. From Lips to an Angel to The Reason to Perfect, your friends each gave their all for the sad bill. Determined to stand out, you decide on Taylor’s Teardrops on My Guitar as your magnum opus for the night. It was a perfect fit, and your friends groaned woefully as the nostalgia hits them. In your drunken haze, you wondered for a bit why you’ve avoided listening or singing this song for so long, but as the song continued, you figure out why.

—

It was 2007, the summer before college, and you had just gotten your dream iPod in pink as a gift from your grandparents for getting into Columbia. You already had a list of all the albums and singles you were going to download on the back of your physics notebook, and the first off that list would be Taylor Swift’s albums. It was nice that you were the same age, you could relate to each song if you tried hard enough, but your lack of non-fictional boyfriends and romantic conquests were a huge setback back then. You were halfway through your second listen when your grandmother asks you if you can bring the casserole she just finished making next door, and because you didn’t have the heart to say no after getting your iPod, you agreed and made your way to your neighbor’s house.

They seemed to have someone over, judging by the number of bikes strewn across the lawn and an inconspicuous blue Bronco parked in their driveway that you didn’t recognize. More reasons to drop off and go, you’d thought, so you rang their doorbell while you thought of a good excuse to speed off. No one responded despite the commotion you could barely make out from the inside, so with an exasperated sigh, you reached out to press the bell again.

You remembered freezing, with your outstretched hand retreating back to the handles of the pan as you made contact with the one who answered the door. He didn’t have blue eyes like Drew did from the music video, nor was he called Drew for that matter, but god, you found yourself breathless and in constant awe like Taylor when you realized who it was.

He broke out in a grin, greeting you with that wretched nickname he and his cousins gave you when you were young. Bradley Bradshaw— the boy that taught you how to hang upside down from the monkey bars at the park because your friends (his cousins) thought you were too heavy to do so, the boy you got so attached to every summer when he came to stay next door because he included you whenever the cousins played Pokemon cards or Super Mario on the playstation and would let you off easy and debt free whenever you played monopoly, the boy who shared your love for aviation and would drag you along with their family trips to the flight museums nearby, and it would take years more for you to realize but he was also the same boy you looked for in the sea of faces at school, in hopes to find someone remotely close to who he was, which just left you terribly single— was back, visiting from college. He was still breathtakingly beautiful, and the crazy beating of your heart as he dragged you by the hand inside to see the family should be the telltale sign that you were going to be ruined before you escaped to college.

Catching up after dinner, you learned there was a girl. There was always someone— he was interested in, confessing their feelings, seeing, crying over him. You should’ve gotten used to it at this point. Bradley was a light that everyone was just naturally drawn to. Maybe you could chalk up the blame to the angsty fanfic you’ve read earlier that day or to the sad Taylor Swift songs you decided to dwell on before you brought the casserole, but goddamn it stung. It hurt when it shouldn’t be hurting in the first place. Bradley was one of your childhood friends, the kind big brother you always wanted to have. You’re sure that if he was around more, he would’ve helped you scare away your bullies or have even posed as your date to prom so you wouldn’t feel as left out as you did. It was in between your third or fourth bite of the cherry pie Bradley’s aunt had given you for dessert when you realized you saw him in a different light now, and it didn’t take long for you to see that he didn’t.

Later that night, you found yourself clutching your teal guitar, Love Story’s chords long forgotten, blasting Teardrops on My Guitar on your alarm clock speaker at 10pm, with only the moonlight and your pink wallpaper witnessing your tear-stricken face.

–

“Oh my god, is Indigo crying?”

“She is, fuck. Hurry, we gotta record this!”

Before your friend could point the camera flash on your face, you kick his shin before whipping out your middle finger, turning away from them to hastily wipe the tears that betrayed you on your sweater.

Despite the waterworks, you were determined to finish the last line of the song perfectly, because this is the last time you’ll be singing this for the next thirty or so years.

“Drew looks at me,” you start, and the doors swing open to welcome an amused Rooster and the rest of the gang into your group outside.

Locking eyes with you, you sing, “I fake a smile so he won’t see,” smiling.

Yeah, at least the sting lessened to a quiet twinge now.

—

The oldies have infiltrated the karaoke machine once they saw how much fun you guys had that night. Soon after, they’d come in early and just play one round of pool before Fanboy drags you and Payback outside quickly, reserving the machine before the bar’s crowd comes in. People would think this is unfair because you were allowed in earlier and would have the advantage to hoard the machine all to yourselves, but they didn’t want to risk disrespecting you guys and buying a round for the entire bar so they kept quiet.

It wasn’t long till Rooster had migrated his trademark song from the piano to the karaoke machine, deeming that it was hard to remember the chords when he’s had a few drinks. You’d still have your turn singing throwback songs with the gang, but once Bradley gets a hold of the mic, you might as well head home because it’s either he sings five songs in a row or a five minute song (there’s no in between). It gets especially worse when he’s got alcohol in his system, the mans will hog the mic for himself. You once got into a fight because of it and it only ended when Hangman snatched it from both of your hands and used it for his own song, much to both your chagrin.

—

“No, absolutely not.”

Those were the last words you register before your phone gets snatched from your hands. Mere seconds ago, you were on Amazon, comparing prices of those bluetooth karaoke microphones that had built in speakers and had just added the highest rated one on your cart.

You’ve grown attached to the bar’s karaoke machine and would look forward to it after a long day dealing with your new array of Top Gun students. You found that belting out Fall Out Boy relieves more tension from your back than your regular chiropractic appointments so you’re determined to still have your karaoke session one way or another. But apparently, your best friend had other ideas.

“I’m relaxing, Bradshaw, but I won’t hesitate to kick your nuts if you don’t give back my phone.”

“Let me just—,” he mutters, tapping on your device that seems suspiciously like removing something from your cart.

You immediately spring into action and he raises his arms above your reach in response. Damn him and his height. You resort to climbing up his limbs, and when that didn’t work, you gave a mean pinch his side. This seemed to do the trick as he hissed, folding over in pain, and you take the opportunity to grab your phone back.

God, you were glad you were on your break and none of your superiors or students were around to witness two of their instructors tackle each other outside one of the hangars.

“I can’t believe you’d betray Penny like this, Y/N.”

“What the hell are you on about?” You ask, shooting him a mean glare while wiping his fingerprints off from your screen on your suit.

“You getting your own karaoke mic means you won’t go to the Hard Deck anymore to sing and that’s just incredibly selfish and I can’t allow that.”

“Well,” you start, “I wouldn’t be getting one in the first place if someone here plays fair and doesn’t hog the mic for himself.”

He scoffs. “You talking to yourself?”

You gasp, appalled. “How dare you. That was one time! It’s not my fault All Too Well’s ten minutes!”

“Uh huh,” he gloats. “I’m just gonna pretend we didn’t listen to the album together and I totally didn’t see that there was a five minute version you could’ve sung.”

This prompts a teasing smile from your lips. “Oh, so you were paying attention to the album. I thought you hated it because it was cheesy teen music.” You say, using air quotes while mocking how he had complained when you took out his Temptations cd from the Bronco’s stereo and replaced it with your new Red album the moment you got it from the mail.

“I had little to no choice on the matter, Y/N. You chose the longest car ride to play that album on repeat,” he responds exasperatedly, rolling his eyes.

You smirk at the memory. You both were off that day and you persuaded Bradley to drive from base to downtown Los Angeles for this dumpling restaurant you saw on Yelp that offered an AYCE for their opening day. It wasn’t easy to get him off his couch during his offs (understandable), but you bribed him with the promise of a full gas tank and a car wash. He did sulk for a bit, but you knew he couldn’t resist free things (or you whining for that matter).

“Don’t distract me from the real issue here. Just don’t get that mic, Y/N. Fighting over that karaoke machine at the Hard Deck makes it more fun.” He says a matter-of-factly.

“Fun because no one has the balls to snatch the mic from you.” You grumble, checking your watch and seeing your break time was almost up. “Whatever,” you say in passing while wiping off some sandwich crumbs that stuck to your suit. “I’ll just order it when you’re not around,” you sneer, sticking your tongue out at Rooster as you start to walk back to the main building where your classes are held.

He catches up to you quick, a smirk on his lips. Does this man ever run out of comebacks? “You’re forgetting the fact that that’s my Prime account you’re using.”

You halt, appalled, your eyes following his figure as he ignores you and continues his walk. “I pay for my half, you ass! That’s our account!”

He doesn’t say anything as he looks back at you, only a knowing expression on his face. You know there’s no escape from this. Because when you’d try to order it later, he’ll just cancel it on his end when he gets notified of the purchase. Frustrating. “I hate you.”

He hums in response, and you try to suppress the tingly feeling you’d always get when he does that. “Still up for dinner later?” He asks when you reach his side.

You feel the weight of disappointment and dismay from your ancestors as you mutter a yes to the man before you separate ways. Doesn’t matter how much Bradley Bradshaw riles you up every chance he gets, you’d always say yes to him.

—

“Just let me take you to lunch, please.”

You had tried your best to keep a respectable distance from your superior but it got increasingly hard as Rooster grabbed your arm and situated himself in front of you, his bulky figure blocking your way. Getting caught was one thing, but having all the feelings for this man you’ve kept in a box stowed away in some hidden part of your head unravel because of how close he is to you right now was another issue you’re not ready to face.

In fact, mere days ago, the thought of him hadn’t even crossed your mind. Renewed determination and excitement coursed through your veins as you started your advanced flight training. You worked your ass off to get to this point, and it’s only a matter of time before you get your wings. That alone kept your head above water. You might’ve taken the long route with your engineering degree, but it surely did wonders as you sped through most of your earlier classes in training. Soon enough you’ll be doing what you’ve always dreamed of as a kid. And nothing will stand in your way to fly.

Well, you didn’t account for having Bradley Bradshaw temporarily stand-in as your flight instructor for a week, so that’s oversight on your part.

You had looked around, relieved to see the hallway was deserted, before you hissed, “You’re too close! If anyone sees us, they’re gonna assume the worst and I’ll be dead.”

“Let them.” You glared at him and he took it back immediately. “Okay, fine.” He had said, taking one step away from you. “Lunch, with me,” he repeated again, as if you hadn’t been listening to him ask for the past few minutes. “I’ll let you order anything you want off the menu. On me.”

He knew your affinity for free stuff, and you never wanted to pluck that knowledge off his head than right now. You sighed, resigning. “You’ll leave me alone after?”

“I–,” he’d stuttered, caught off guard. “C’mon, Y/N, don’t do me like this. I haven’t seen you in so long. We gotta catch up.”

“It’s just,” you said quietly, avoiding his gaze. “It’s different now, Bradley. You’re my instructor and I’m one of your students—”

“Only for a week,” he interrupted, and you gave him a scowl. “Sorry, go on.”

Sighing, you continued, “Don’t get me wrong, I wanna go with you. It’s just that people might get the wrong idea when they see us outside and I’m this close to graduating and I don’t want anything to hold me back, you know?”

He noticed your anxious expression and he’d ran a hand through the length of your arm to comfort you. “I understand, you know I do.” Despite the thick material of your flight suit, his touch left a trail of goosebumps on your skin. The effect he had on you is daunting.

He paused to think for a second. “Hey, what about this. Let’s change out of these uniforms and then I’ll wait for you outside base. We’ll blend in perfectly. That sound good?”

A small smile had creeped into your face as you nodded gingerly. God, you missed him so much.

“I got you, don’t worry. Plus I already told some of my colleagues that you’re a family friend so they leave us alone.”

He probably meant that in a sweet, genuine way, but it still stung. You went through so many changes during the years you spent apart. You worked hard on your appearance and became more confident in the way you deliver yourself, something that you weren’t before. You’d never admit it but in some small part of you, you wished Bradley saw you like the girls he’d go crazy over.

You mustered up a tight smile for him. “Okay, See you in a bit.” You say before walking away.

A single thought remains in your mind: Still not good enough.

—

Lunch went surprisingly easy despite of what had happened earlier.

You’ve imagined this moment with Rooster so many times while you were away for college. Like what would your first meeting as adults would be, if you would ever cross paths again.

Would you have a meet-cute like the movies where you bump into each other unexpectedly, or where you’d trip and he’d catch you, literally sweeping you off your feet? And would it be a new beginning for both of you, finally seeing each other after years of being apart?

Would love just come naturally, fate tired from seeing you both struggle to see it?

Even if this isn’t as grandiose as what you’ve dreamed of, you and Bradley munching through breakfast for lunch and early dinner at Denny’s while catching up seemed like how things should be.

Just his mere presence made everything better (for your heart) and worse (also, for your heart) at the same time.

You didn’t tell him that running thousands of miles away from home didn’t do shit because all you’ve ever searched for was him and anything remotely similar to how he’s made you feel, nor how you’d always check next door first to see if that blue Bronco’s parked in the driveway again when you’d come home for breaks. Instead you told him good (boring) things about college, because those were the safest. It didn’t warrant any additional questions, questions that could prod at your already flaking defense and one wrong step could have him see how much you’re pathetically struggling to keep it up.

He in turn, tells you stories from college to his current naval career, and you listen. Or you try to, as you hyperfocus on how he looked; how this clean cut hair made him look more serious, far from the mop of curls he sported throughout high school and college to how his lips still looked plump and pretty, and you get reminded of how much you liked to sneak looks at them whenever he speaks from that one summer.

This is probably the closest you could be with him so you take advantage of it, marking the features you loved from the old Bradley that remained the same from the new ones you’d get to know from afar.

You manage to catch the important things: how attached he’s been to the California sun ever since he got stationed there and how he’ll take you there to visit once you graduate because he’s that sure that you’ll love it as much as he does, how he’s thinking of growing a mustache, and that he didn’t even consider taking up this job but he’s now happy he did.

He made a point that you know how proud he is of you for following your childhood dream like he did. He swore he’ll take care of you, making up for all those years he hadn’t been around.

You’d hate it later that night because you knew better, but after years of just bottling up all the feelings you felt for him, maybe today was the day you could indulge in the affection he gives you.

Even if it’s ill placed. After all, it would just be today.

Until you realized he meant what he said.

It got hard to remain level-headed in the mist, especially when he became the first person you’d want to call just to tell him about both exciting and frustrating things you got to do from training because you knew he’d understand perfectly, or when he had shown up late to your graduation because he drove for an hour to get you a big bouquet of peonies (your favorite), or when he took you to San Diego and introduced you to his friends who all welcomed you with fondness, finally giving you a sense of belonging and community in this stage of your life.

It was arduous to keep up when even after getting assigned to bases across the country, you’d randomly find packages of random food items that you’ve been craving mentioned in passing through facetimes and texts, or when he would have time to visit, you’d suddenly find that broken bedroom doorknob you’ve been ignoring fixed, the change oil light from your car finally turned off, and you’d always get dropped off in front of Target’s entrance while he finds parking in a busy lot.

Punishing to bear in mind when it’s been custom to have each other pick one up after deployment, when he trusts you enough to park his beloved Bronco at your place and even take it out for eventual maintenance checks, and when you’d lean on his chest when it gets too crowded and his arms find its way around you, tucking you in, and at once there’d be comfort in chaos.

This still isn’t what you hoped to be with Bradley; but you were given something greater, far more than that silly little crush you’ve ever daydreamed about, and suddenly, something you’ve been certain of ever since that day you handed him that casserole wasn’t as clear now. Risking all this for a confession of years of love and adoration didn’t seem worth it anymore.

Perhaps, this was okay. This was how things should be.

—

So you didn’t quite understand why you were fuming, and all that filled your head was hurt, hurt, hurt.

The scene unfolded like a usual Saturday night for everyone: Tipsy Rooster throws his hand across your shoulders, making you sway with him to the opening rhythm of Great Balls of Fire (his third song in a row), leaning close to your ear where his mustache tickles your skin and unsheaths a million goosebumps at its wake, to say that he promises, like pretty promises, to let you sing the last verse and chorus with him as a peace offering for hogging the mic yet again. And you believe him.

Not because the few drinks you’ve had impeded your better judgement, but because it wasn’t like Rooster to break promises. Neither a wash of alcohol nor adrenaline could waver that man’s conviction to a promise.

You relent, plopping yourself beside a warm Phoenix, who was busy playing an intense card game with Bob, Fanboy, and some other pilots. Through the windows, you could spot Hangman’s animated head bob along as he charms two women by the pool table while Coyote and Fritz played beside him. It had been a busy week for all of you back at base, so everyone was just out and about, eager to be distracted from the events at work.

You had felt yourself get dizzy after taking two swigs off your nth beer, so you closed your eyes for a bit, leaning your weight on Nat’s back as you listen to your best friend croon his heart out and have his karaoke moment. Music had always calmed Rooster down, and as much as you’d love to have your overdue turn to sing, you’re always willing to wait for him (even if you’ll never admit it out loud).

So when he finished the second chorus and the piano solo kicked in, you had willed yourself to come back to consciousness. It had been a while since you sang this song, and you’ve never shared a duet with Rooster before because both of you would just be too busy fighting for the mic. You might not have the best singing voice when tipsy but you’re singing with your best friend, and it was okay to be embarrassing with him.

But you never hear your name called, and you open your eyes just in time to witness everything. The door leading to the outdoor area opened and out it spat a woman you remember seeing in passing inside when you went to get a refill from Penny. She was beautiful and of course, she had eyes only for Rooster. Considering the recognition in her face as she saw him plus the sure steps he made towards her, you knew they have had history.

You couldn’t hear what they were saying but she was laughing, obviously sending the fuck me gaze in Rooster’s way, and you could tell he was chuckling too by the careen in his shoulders.

The piano solo gave you an insulting background music as you watched tensed up. Knowing this song by heart, you count the seconds and notes while staring at the two of them.

‘Anytime now, Roos will bid her goodbye and he would call me next to him and we would finish this song together,’ you thought, assuring yourself. ‘He promised.’

Except when the solo ended, he pulled her close, put his arm on her shoulders, handed her the mic, and they sang together.

He didn’t even bother looking back at you. It was as if you weren’t there in the first place.

You should really lay off on alcohol. Something about it makes you act childish and irrational.

Because here you were, a grown woman, an Ivy League and Top Gun graduate, trusted to fly big expensive planes through challenging and stressful situations, yet all you wanted to do was to throw things and wail right then and there because you didn’t know how to quiet the pounding in your chest or to silence the reverberating words in your head: hurt, and in a smaller voice, that should’ve been me.

Despite the open around you, it felt like the air was getting punched out from your lungs, and you just had to get out. Standing abruptly, you forgot the drink perched on your lap and it spills, the cold liquid soaking through denim. Wanting to slip away unnoticed was far gone because your clumsiness just managed to attract unwanted attention from Nat and the rest.

A chorus of startled and worried questions erupt at your wake, but they get swept up in the night breeze as you squeeze past them, muttering something sounding like an apology while your feet takes you down the patio steps and into the sand of the beach, your boots sinking on the sand with your laden steps.

It seemed like the faster you run, your feet get heavier and harder to drag off the sand, making your dash to the parking lot achingly slower. The world was mute, the once noisy bar with all its music and chatter, even the relentless crashing of waves to shore were absent. The biting November wind clings to your frame and to the wet trails left on your cheeks. You didn’t even notice you were crying, but you just hope they didn’t spill when you were squeezing past your friends. They didn’t have to see how pathetic you really were behind your collected front.

But here now, by the unlit back wall of the bar where no wandering eyes could see you, maybe you could let some tears flow to keep the dam from overflowing again. You have always prided yourself in being able to keeping your emotions in check. With a job like yours you couldn’t guarantee a day or two where nothing unexpected occurs, no one gets hurt, or no one treats you unfairly, so you had to learn how to let your work be work, and not let it bleed through your personal life. Same as with Bradley. Your longing for him was met in this friendship and had let yourself get used to that. You knew to turn away when he spots someone that sparks his interest in the bar, you learned to tune him out when he raved about this person he met, you had a set of answers to give when he asks you advice on what to wear for a date or what gift to give.

Because your needs were being met. You have a best friend, a confidant, a partner in him. You have made a joke of yourself, your feelings to keep the man you loved close. You could sleep at night before. You were okay before. You could pretend this didn’t happen tomorrow like before, so why doesn’t it work now?

You cry for the wasted years of devoting yourself to someone who wouldn’t even bat an eye for you when occupied with others that haven’t, or wouldn’t even attempt to do things you’ve done for Bradley, to make him happy, to keep that fucking smile on his face, to keep that light in his eyes burning bright.

You cry for all the times you have rejected or ignored people that expressed interest in getting to know you because you were too enamored and convinced that no one could make up for what he was in your life. And you’re not wrong. No one could make you insecure like he does whenever you act or dress like what he says he seeks for in a partner but he’d still look the other way. No one could be as dense as he is. No one could make you cry about a fifteen year old song like he does and make you feel like your teen self isn’t as different as you were now.

You wonder if you could’ve just given the guy who pursued you for a month with clear intentions and a kind heart a chance, a date, a night to prove himself to you, would you still be crying uncontrollably with your hand muffling your sobs, the rough wood patchwork on a dark corner of the bar the only thing keeping you from curling up into a ball as the years of regret catch up to you on a Saturday night?

Almost the entirety of your life devoted should be enough. It was time to quit Bradley Bradshaw.

Only it had to wait until sunrise to start. Because upon reaching the parking lot, you were smacked with a terrible realization: you rode with him to the Hard Deck.

You had sobered up from tears a little bit, but you feel another sob threatening to bubble out of your throat. Why were you so stupid?

You want to kick the Bronco’s wheels out of frustration but the baby didn’t do anything to deserve it (also because you had paid to get the car washed earlier that day). It was just an innocent bystander to your stupidity and unconditional love to its owner, so you drop down and hug your knees tight, shielding your face from the lights of the lot.

Maybe if you could sleep like this, you’d wake up back to this morning and this will all be a simple nightmare. And the exhaustion from the week and your sadness and anger were all too convincing for you to try it out, if it weren’t for the voice calling out your name in worry, the footsteps quickly coming towards you, and the strong arms that wrap around your frame, willing you to speak.

“Y/N, hey,” Bradley says softly, hand rubbing circles on your back. “Let’s get you somewhere warm, m’kay?”

Managing to muster up some strength, you push him away, or at least a sorry attempt to. Your palms were no match against his hard chest, and they just slide down hopelessly to your sides.

Grumbling, you say, “I can do it myself.”

“Okay, careful.” His voice remained soft, devoid of any annoyance or exasperation. This annoys you more. You wanted nothing but to hate this man to the guts but he makes it hard by being like this, like he actually cares.

You refuse to meet his eyes but you know they’re on you, watching as you hoist yourself up using the concrete as leverage. He had his hand outstretched to catch you if you stumble, and for a second you were tempted to grab it, but you resort to the side of the Bronco to keep your balance and the hand retreats.

Training your eyes to the ground, to anywhere except his stupid face, you explain, “I just need my bag,” gesturing at the lump on the passenger seat of the car. “So I can just catch an uber home.”

“No, I’ll drive you home,” he quickly refuses, fishing out his car keys from his back pocket. You wanted to lunge and steal it from him, but that’s just going to cause unnecessary contact with him. It’s best to avoid touching anything of him because you don’t know what it’ll do to the wall you’ve hastily built against him.

“Don’t bother. Last thing I want is to ruin your chances in getting laid tonight.”

Your words earn a quick eyebrow furrow from him and a miniscule wave of satisfaction runs through you. And you figure it out: if you can’t be happy tonight, no one near you can be.

A desire to cause a cascade of anger through him continues to consume you but he stops there. Face still laced with concern, he shakes his head and sighs, “Alright, let’s get you home.”

You watch him as he opens your door and waits for you to climb in while you remained standing where you were.

“Y/N.” He says it with a tonality he almost exclusively uses at work, when he has to put his instructor hat on or when he has someone to reprimand. “Please don’t make me carry you inside.”

You want to say he wouldn’t dare, but you knew he could easily do it. And even if you scream bloody murder, people knew you two always bicker like this so no one would think anything’s amiss. So you glare at him before noisily climbing up his car and shutting the door on his face. Whether it may be through words or actions, you were adamant to express your frustration to him, to this car, to this entire situation.

You could tell by the slump in his shoulders as he walked to the driver’s seat that he was bothered by how you’re acting but you can’t bring yourself to care. You just want to leave him troubled as you are, with his heart wrung tightly he couldn’t breathe.

The next words come out after a while of driving quietly through dark, empty streets. He was letting you calm down but your mind was far from it. You occupy yourself by counting the streets left to cross before you reach your apartment from the passenger window, wanting nothing but to get the fuck out of there and sleep.

“Y/N,” he starts. “What happened back there? Did anyone cause you trouble? Tell me what they look like so I can tell Penny and Mav about it tomorrow.”

You were thankful you had your hands tucked in, arms crossed over your chest, because you were certain if it had been anywhere else he could easily reach over and touch, he would.

When he was answered with silence, he tries again. “Were you hurt, Y/N? What did they do to you? Please tell me.”

“God, shut up. You’re making my head throb even more.”

“I will when you answer me. Even Phoenix doesn’t know what’s up with you back there. She says you just got up and left.”

“Maybe it’s just that.”

“I know you enough to know that it isn’t. Something happened that made you this upset.”

“Why do you care so much, Rooster? Dealing with you is suffocating.”

His mouth gapes incredulously, and if the car was stopped in a light he would’ve stared at you in disbelief. “Wha–,” he stutters. “Y/N, come on. Don’t be like this.”

“Like what, Rooster? Like a bitch?” You snort. “I already told you earlier I just needed my fucking bag. I didn’t ask for you to come drive me home. I’m only here because you insisted.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I–,” “I don’t want you to go home alone and upset. I hate seeing my best friend like this and not being able to help. I’m sorry.” There it was again, best friend. An affectionate word, even an achievement to have for others, but you never had a word that triggers so much hate in you as much as that. It sends your temper bubbling higher.

You scoff.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. If you’re mad at me, at whatever I did, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not letting you buy the bluetooth microphone. I’ll get you a new one personally as soon as we get home.”

Now you really laugh, insulted, like salt being thrown haphazardly on your fresh scars. You should’ve cut this man off ages ago. “All this, and the best you can think of is that I’m fucking upset over a microphone. God, I’m really seeing everything tonight, am I?”

“Then help me out, Y/N! I’ve been sitting here going through tonight and yesterday night and the last week, wracking my brain for anything I’ve said or did that made you this upset with me.” He breathes, trying his best to calm himself down.

In a leveled tone he begs, “Please tell me what I can do to make this right.”

“You actually saying that unprovoked just proves everything I’ve realized tonight about you, Roos. I just feel stupid now trying to convince myself that you weren’t dense and selfish when it’s really all about you, isn’t it? You only get bothered when someone lashes out on you. Then you self reflect. You only care about your feelings, about your happiness. You don’t give a shit about anyone else!”

“What? You know that’s not true, Y/N.”

“Knowing you forever says the opposite, Rooster. You have the world in your hands and God forbid anyone upset you and ruin your night—”

“God, Y/N, I’m sorry that I can’t read what’s on your mind! If you can just tell me what the hell I did that got you this pissed so I can apologize for it, instead of saying cryptic and hurtful shit that I know you don’t mean then we’d have a better conversation, don’t you think?”

“Wow, so now you’re telling me the things I mean and don’t mean. You sure you can’t read my mind, Roos?”

“I know you’d never say those things to me because you know who I am. You think I’m shallow? Okay. That I’m narcissistic, fine. But saying I don’t give a shit about anyone, about you,” he pauses. “You know better than that, Y/N. I know you do after everything we’ve gone through—”

“So now you want to compare the shit we did, shit we sacrificed for each other during this fucking friendship? Alright, I’m down. Go ahead.”

“What— no! Fuck, Y/N, please. I know what you’re doing, you’re trying to hurt me, making me feel the way I made you feel.” He pleads, his voice getting hoarse from all the screaming. “Just please tell me what you want me to do to fix this. Please.”

“I want nothing to do with you.” It came off so easy from your tongue it’s hard to believe you held this back for years.

It surprised him too, so much so that he gave up trying to make you admit you didn’t mean it. The certainty in your voice scares him enough to believe as soon as he heard it. “Why?”

“Because I fucking hate you.”

You see shock, anger, and sadness and all sorts of emotions you can’t catch because of the tears blocking your vision flit on his face quickly. With a morose expression, he shakes his head in disbelief, blinking some tears away, willing them not to fall. You knew he’s trying to think you didn’t mean it.

But now with tears falling freely, you know you finally do. “​​Because you make me become someone that I’m not and I hate it. You make me jealous, you make me spiteful of the girls that come near you, you make me hateful and bitter that I can’t make you smile like you do with people who barely know you. And I know that’s so petty and immature and I know better than that but you just make me stupid and irrational.

You make me dependent on you for things that I can do myself. I can drive myself home I can do my own groceries I can take care of myself when I’m sick but now that you’ve weaseled yourself in my life these things aren’t the same without you. I hate that I got attached to this fucking car that eats up gas so fucking quick. I hate seeing your stupid Hawaiian shirts you always forget to iron. I hate your stupid fucking mustache and how long you take to fucking shape them.

I fucking hate how I get so weak when I’m with you that I get all the feelings I know I should’ve given up on ages ago and I know, I have fucking known for years that you’ll never feel the same way I do and yet here I am. I hate that I can’t quit you after all these years I’m still here and I love you and I can’t do anything about it.”

You also hate that unlike the confession scenes in movies have the heroine crying but still look beautiful, you had tears and snot dripping on your shirt and jeans and you only found out when you tasted some while sputtering and spewing out all the words that haunted you for years on Bradley.

Finally everything was on the table. You’ve crossed the point of no return and instead of feeling relief you felt spent, exhausted, and widely aware that you don’t have strength to face your best friend anymore. In fact, you’re sure you just lost yours.

Tears have blinded you to what you were facing and you could barely breathe from the snot build up in your nostrils, so you pull up your sweater to wipe and sneeze into until—

BONK!

A searing pain erupts from a specific point on your forehead and you clutch it while curses flow from your mouth, tearing up again because it fucking hurt and it made your headache ten times worse. Bradley must’ve hit you with something and you’re mad but you also understand why he’d do that.

But as you blink some tears away you see him cradling his forehead as well, groaning and cursing in pain, mirroring your actions.

What the hell just happened? Did he just headbutt you?

Turns out you’ve thought that one out loud. “I didn’t, you dumbass. You keep on fucking moving.”

He grabs your face, encasing it with his big hands forcing you to look at him. You stare at each other for a second and after everything you’ve exchanged in this car you want it to last until it couldn’t, because you knew this would be the last time you’d have Bradley this close. Even if his beautiful features are marred with pain and frustration and other emotions you couldn’t name.

He groans, pulls on the sleeve of his thermal shirt and wipes the snot and tears off of your nose and mouth haphazardly.

And then he leans in for a kiss.

There was a blink, a split second of silence, before the chorus of voices erupt in your head: your five year old self disgusted that you’re kissing that snotty Bradshaw kid; a ten year old you guilty and scared that Ms. Carole will get mad at you for not asking permission to kiss her son; thirteen, appalled that you were basically making out with someone that’s clearly not Emmett Richmond from Legally Blonde; seventeen year old you screeching, screaming ‘FUCKING FINALLY!’ and immediately searching for a Taylor Swift song to accompany this moment; and a twenty six year old Y/N more confused than ever that you’d still end up here, living your adolescent fantasy instead of finding someone new and better.

Yet amidst the chaos, you find yourself mute. In the moment, yes, you were hopeless against Bradley’s lips, yours following his lead like a teenager on her first kiss because you haven’t had (or probably refused to get) enough practice to do this thing properly, but you found it graceless, like trying to walk in shoes that were one size too big— not quite right. Like you couldn’t give yourself fully to the moment because something hefty still lingers in the air, left unsaid.

So against your past selves’ wishes, you pull away. Looking down, you refuse to look at him, afraid that his eyes will confirm your worst fear. “Please,” you whisper nervously. “Please don’t kiss me because you feel bad. That’s… that’s mean.”

An exasperated sigh escapes Bradley and two fingers tilt your chin to face him properly. There wasn’t any trace of guilt nor contempt on his flushed face. Just pure exasperation for all the things you’ve done tonight but you can’t let yourself be so sure. No falling for anything without full certainty and a vocal confirmation. You had enough of your fair share.

“God, you’re the smartest girl I know but you’re also incredibly dumb. I kissed you to shut you up and let you know I do feel the same thing because I know if I just say it you won’t listen because you’re too fucking stubborn.” He huffs.

Locking eyes with you, he quirks an eyebrow waiting if you have another protest to make. If you weren’t in this situation, you would’ve laughed at the ridiculous irked face he’s making. Maybe he is telling the truth, you tell yourself. Maybe this time, it’ll be right.

Deeming your silence and waiting, parted lips as an answer, he says sulkily, “Now, can I continue this without getting interrupted?”

You hit his arm as you nod. Your lips meet again, the kiss deeper this time around judging by the arm that now encircles you, attempting to pull you closer to him but failing miserably.

“Fuck this shit,” he grumbles.

“Language, Bradshaw, damn,” you chuckle, watching him slide off his seatbelt, putting the car on park and the hand brake on.

“My right foot fell asleep because I was stepping on the breaks this whole damn time.”

Now you really laugh. What a giant dork.

“Yeah, yeah,” he waves you off as he reaches towards you and slides off your seatbelt. “Wonder whose great idea it is to confess feelings in the middle of a goddamn street.”

You didn’t get the chance to reply in between hysterics because he swiftly carries and maneuvers you around so you were straddling him, surprised at how comfortable it was. You never had him this close before and you sober up quickly into a mesmerized silence, just admiring how beautiful he looked this close, how the streetlight outside lands square on his face and you could see the speckles of green in his brown eyes, and how all of this is yours. God, saying that feels so foreign but right.

He lets your soft fingertips graze the contours of his face, from his lips to the tip of his nose before one finally settling lost in his curls and the other on the nape of his neck. You don’t know this yet, but he also had dreamed of this moment longer than he could remember.

Suddenly you get hit with a familiar wave of the longing in your pit for Bradley, only this time you can act up on it. So you did, crashing your lips onto his.

Like the other things you’ve imagined with him, this was certainly never in consideration. You’d imagine a spacious park, branches of a leaning tree lined with soft fairy lights that made both of you glow as he leans in, lips melding into yours perfectly as soft music crooned in the background. Instead you get a steamy Bronco two streets away from your apartment, and probably more odd locations in your place. Not that you’re complaining though.

—

You were going through some papers that needed to be graded on one of your students’ desk after class when you feel the presence of three amused pilots approaching you.

Even if you didn’t look up, you know by their steps that it was Fanboy, who took a seat in front of you, Phoenix, that sat next to you, and a snickering Hangman who opted to stand beside you, looming over your hunched figure.

“What did my kids do now?” You say, not bothering to greet them. Even if the students you had also took classes with some of them, you were adamant in calling them your children because despite of how much they annoyed you sometimes, you’ve gotten close to this batch and they to you. Some of the instructors would even ask you to sit them down and discuss about the mistakes they made in their other classes so you could work with them to do it better. Not without them holding you responsible when they act out (sometimes. It can’t be helped) of course.

“Oh nothing. They’re great, actually,” Nat replies. “We just wanted to see the beautiful face of our great Indigo today.”

Mickey pipes up. “Yeah, we didn’t even get to see you at lunch today.”

Moving onto the next paper, you say, “I was busy. But didn’t you guys visit my class earlier?” It was just Hangman and Fanboy casually walking across the back of the room, claiming to grab something very important (a random HDMI cord). They scooted out fast but not before getting a good look at your confused face. You thought you had something stuck to your teeth but you didn’t have your phone with you so you just tried to clean them with your tongue.

“Yeah. We did.”

“Uhuh. Need another cord?”

“No, we just need you to look at us, darlin’.”

You almost didn’t, half expecting Hangman to have a plate of whipped cream ready to smack your face, but food isn’t allowed beyond the cafeteria so you reluctantly raise your head to meet the expectant and scandalous looks on your friends’ faces.

No face smashing occurred, only a mesh of hollers, high fives, and nods of agreement.

“What am I missing?”

“Oh, nothing. We’re just happy you had fun last night with Rooster.”

“Took you guys too fucking long,” Mickey drawls, clutching his head in exaggeration. Phoenix joins him in agreement, grinning at you proudly like she’s your mom and you just got a medal for being a top student in class.

A sweat starts to break out of your forehead. You and Bradley didn’t tell anyone that you were together last night, hell, you didn’t even had time to discuss what you guys were now. The last thing you want is for people to make assumptions and you can’t tell them otherwise because you don’t know where you stand. ‘We just fucked all night in every hard surface you could think of, no big deal.’ won’t be an acceptable answer, especially when this reaches Maverick and Penny.

“Wha—,” you stutter. “I wasn’t with Rooster last night! Stop making up bullshit, Bagman.”

Jake just gives you that god awful smirk and nod combo that tells you he knows you’re full of shit right now.

You turn to Nat, desperate for your friend to back you up. ‘’Nat, I wasn’t with him last night I swear.”

She makes her way to your lap and hugs you sideways. You know you could always count on your wingman. “Oh, my sweet Indy,” she coos. “No need to explain. The same bruise you and Rooster have on your foreheads tell us everything we wanna know.”

[justanotherdrfan]

WELCOME ALL DANNY FANGIRLS TO YOUR INSTALMENT OF DANIEL RICCIARDO’S DTS BREAKDOWN! 🍯🦡

I’m leaving this one open since you all skipped straight to this episode! (I waited and I don’t know how)😂

S6E9 (Three’s a Crowd)

GIF by @arturleclerc

DANNNNNNNNYYY BOYYY 😍😍😍😍😍😍

He’s already laughing (god I love him)

‘Alright, what’s up?, Daniel Ricardo, this is season six drive to survive, and yes I’m back’ (fangirling HARD)

WAIT HE WAS IN SYDNEY, HE WAS IN FUCKING SYDNEY (why did no one tell me I would have called sick at work)

Daniel and Blake I really wish you went ahead with that podcast because you two are poetic chaos together

Cue another Daniel montage (they have his whole discography on file don’t they?)

He looks so fucking tried though

Logan and Alex talking about DTS frothing at the mouth about Daniel returning is the most factually, correct thing I’ve ever heard 😂

Logan: ‘All I know is the most excited people when Danny Ricciardo came back was Netflix.’

Alex: ‘I literally think they had to change their pants three times. I know the episode already. Let…let me run it through. Ready? Here we have Danny Ricciardo watching on the sidelines. “Yeah, it hurts to not be racing.” Then all of a sudden, pans to Nyck de Vries. Lock up. [imitates brakes screeching]. Off the track. Crash. Oh shit! Boom. Fast-forward. Silverstone. Test. Daniel Ricciardo. Super quick. [laughs] Danny looking at it like…big smile on his face. “It is what it is. You know?” [man]“I never left” “I never left. I’m back,baby. Honey Badger. Don’t give a shit.” (Hire him now DTS because he nailed that)

Fuck why they got to follow that shit with Zandvoort though

Daniel whoring about in his Enchante tattoo thigh high shorts

“Feels right. Feels good” (It sure does Danny is sure does)

EVERYONE LOVES DANIEL

And they get him straight to a photoshoot to whore him out

THEY DID NOT USE HIM WINKING IN THE INTRO (da fuck you lot doing? Give the people what they want)

Yes Christian 2025 prospect (he’s a shoe in ahh? See what I did there) 😉👟🍾

FUCK YOU MICAHEL ITALIANO (why is he getting air time) I’m glad he’s left F1

OHH NO OHH NO OHH NO NO NO NO NO NO

IM CRYING AGAIN. I CRIED WHEN IT HAPPENED AND IM CRYING AGAIN

Ohh they have his X-ray

Clairey bear

Cue Liam Lawson (I do love you but I missed Danny terribly)

The others telling Liam to be prepared (this is very welcome to our toxic work environment)

‘She doesn’t even go here’ (a Danica story)

Liam out qualifies all the red bull drivers (yes kiddo)

DANNY BACKS (SCREWS AND ALL) for engineering purposes only

Umm why are you hurting him? DONT TOUCH HIM! (Look yes I know it’s physiotherapy and he needs it. But I’ve broken my hand before the left one as well and driving a normal road car caused me to cry in pain so when I say don’t touch him I mean it)

I SWEAR TO GOD ZAK YOU STAY THEY HELL AWAY FROM HIM

Checo clips Yuki and he’s out (he probably thought it was Daniel trying to take his seat. It’s his in 2025 mate there’s no fighting it)

Ohh look Alpine with reliability issues (things you continue to see)

Yes DTS let’s show Russel’s crash from another angle 😂

POINTS FOR LIAM 🎉🥳

Are we positive he was in Sydney and not Perth?

Yes king SWEAT SWEAT SWEAT

Yuki GP time

Not Suzuka having Daniel, Yuki and Liam on all the banners

Poor Yuki being overwhelmed by the fans. I understand fans being excited but he’s cornered in the car and clearly doesn’t feel safe (and for Michael to be like it’s ok the fans are happy is actually the problem at hand. His and all the drivers safety has to come first and he point blank didn’t feel safe you arsehole Michael so it’s not okay)

Yuki honey it’s okay Liam not going to hit you

If we can’t have an Aussie a Kiwi will do

Liam finding out Daniel’s and Yuki are getting announced for 2024 🥺

Liam mate I’m sorry you deserve better

Mexi-coooooo

HES BACK BACK

Yes yes your P10 in the constructors (just you wait, just you fucking wait)

Checo out before turn 1 (its AUSGP all over again)

Ohh look another McLaren/Alpha Tauri incident 😤

No McLaren the plan is not to attack Daniel (haven’t you fucking done enough?)

P7 BABBYYYYYY

ENCHANTE, MON AMI

See your P8 now (told you to wait and see)

Yes Christian, Daniel did drive a good race (remember that and who didn’t)

Look at him and his little moustache

Will: ‘ I think this is only part one of a far wider story.’ (Yes 2024 season will be epic for Danny Ric)

[asimawv]

I write and conceptualize story to music, so I’ve compiled a playlist of 30 Darkest Dungeon-specific songs that I listen to when writing (and subsequently re-writing) in no particular order, which I hope will help you set the vibe too. :+)

Names in bold are links for easy listening - tons of Hozier and Of Monsters and Men up ahead, five minute warning.

1. ‘Fire and the Flood’ - Vance Joy

If you listen to nothing else on this list, listen to this one - it’s the kind of song that’s made for movies about yearning. Folk influences, choruses of trumpets and vocal harmony, and instruments that are layered for a rich, resonant sound. This is the song I imagine Dismas and Reynauld horse-racing through a crowded outdoors market in the hamlet to, and the song I listened to nonstop freshman year when I first started writing The Myth of Sisyphus.

You're the fire and the flood And I'll always feel you in my blood Everything is fine When your hand is resting next to mine Next to mine You're the fire and the flood

The chorus is built around biblical allusions to the fire (the burning bush signifying first contact) and the flood (destruction of the first world), the beginning and end. Every line is similarly evocative of Darkest Dungeon in their simplicity (“I’ve been getting used to waking up with you,” etc.)

2. ‘Soldier, Poet, King’ - The Oh Hellos

By the title alone you can guess who this is for. Even the Guild quote for the Leper approaches these three things as the defining parts of his character (specifically it’s “a ruined man, a warrior, and a poet.”) This song coincidentally has an old world influence to it, with a Medieval Renaissance style from a guitar playing a lute-adjacent melody.

There will come a ruler Whose brow is laid in thorn Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei oh lai oh Lord Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei oh lai oh Lord

To be smeared with oil is to be anointed by a prophet and thus chosen by god himself to be king, just as David was and his boy after him (presumably Solomon). There’s something strangely wistful about the imagery, which is just how I like my songs about bygone kings.

3. ‘Exit Hymn’ - Bear Attack!

This song is about the end of the world in a version where everyone simply stands together in silence watching, rather than having the masses swarming in panic.

Lovely shapes to the world descending, Brothers and sisters. Lovely shapes to the world descending, Brothers and sisters Mute.

It defies Lovecraftian horror, which is based on the premise that “common human laws and interests and emotions have no validity or significance in the vast cosmos-at-large” - it flies in the face of existential nihilism and the despair that it should bring us. That’s why I like this song for deaths in the end-boss fight; it also has a special place for other death-related ideas, like full-party wipes - entire teams of people vanishing into the dungeons, gone insane, holding hands while the darkness surrounds them.

It’s a bare song which has a sanctity to it, mostly just piano and rain and human voices. Just what you would hear at the end of the world.

More under the cut:

4. ‘Pursuit of Glory’ - Jhameel

This song is laid-back. It doesn’t have the Homeric intensity that some of the other songs here do - it’s a guy with a guitar and vocal harmony. By god is it a great piece of writing though (all of Jhameel’s older songs have that quality to them), and all of it is evocative of Darkest Dungeon.

So many eyes set on the path to glory Too many ties, friendship is for the lonely Can't still my heart, my tongue has tasted folly Thirsty for art, hungry for power and money

This is a song for everyone in the barracks, especially the ‘laundry list’ of people and their approaches to the pursuit of glory.

5. ‘Good Old Days’ - Macklemore (feat. Kesha)

This fucker put a Macklemore song in here. I did, yeah. It’s not even the only song with Kesha in it here (I’m sorry.) 

It’s a sentimental pop song, and I am sentimental to a fault. This is Darkest Dungeon AMV material, and I always mishear one of the lines as “we were underground, loaded mercs in that 12-passenger van” so it’s here.

We've come so far, I guess I'm proud And I ain't worried about the wrinkles around my smile I've got some scars, I've been around I've felt some pain, I've seen some things, but I'm here now Those good old days

6. ‘Past Lives‘ - Kesha

Here it is, the other Kesha song - this was introduced to me by a good friend, also in a Darkest Dungeon context. There’s just something about the lovers spanning time trope and finding each other in one life to the next that is irresistible (for the obvious reason in the context of Darkest Dungeon.) It’s a soft song, totally out of place in Kesha’s typical discography, and has a line about losing someone to the crusades, so... you know.

There's just somethin' about you I know Started centuries ago though You see your kiss is like a lost ghost Only I would know But I, I keep on falling for you Time after time Time after time

7. ‘Viva la Vida’ - Coldplay

You cannot fight this. You know that this is the song for King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem, you know it is. Did you know the official name of this genre of music is “Baroque pop”? Yes, that means more songs like this exist. You will live with this information now.

Don’t fight it. Just let it wash over you.

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing Roman Cavalry choirs are singing Be my mirror, my sword and shield My missionaries in a foreign field For some reason I can't explain Once you go there was never, never an honest word And that was when I ruled the world

Mirror, sword, and shield, the three other members of his party, his missionaries in a foreign field. Thinking emoji. I typed that out so I wouldn’t have a repeat of the crab emoji incident.

8. ‘The Boxer’ - Jerry Douglas (feat. Mumford & Sons, Paul Simon)

Partly inspired by the Bible, Simon & Garfunkle’s ‘The Boxer’ is a folk rock song about poverty, loneliness, and homesickness. It’s written and sung in a style that’s strongly reminiscent of older times, and the final verse about its eponymous boxer is particularly powerful:

In the clearing stands a boxer And a fighter by his trade And he carries the reminders Of ev'ry glove that laid him down Or cut him till he cried out In his anger and his shame "I am leaving, I am leaving" But the fighter still remains

This is what I use for Dismas’ life leading into organized crime and his foolish abandonment of stable job prospects in a half-baked bid for fame, as well as being punched down over and over again but with nowhere else to go. That last part is widely applicable across the cast.

9. ‘I Will Wait’ - Mumford & Sons

I am but a simple man. I see 'folk rock' and add it to my Darkest Dungeon playlist. This song I use for Reynauld - it has that sort of “salt of the earth,” somewhat biblical humility in its choice of words and style. 

Raise my hands Paint my spirit gold And bow my head Keep my heart slow

10. ‘Little Lion Man’ - Mumford & Sons

Have we not beaten this song to death yet? Can you blame us? This is the people’s song. We reserve it for all of our favorite fuck-up characters, as primal as Saturn devouring his son. We love this song. Jesus.

Tremble for yourself, my man, You know that you have seen this all before Tremble little lion man, You'll never settle any of your scores Your grace is wasted in your face, Your boldness stands alone among the wreck Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

The line about learning from your mother in particular is why I think of this song for Dismas’ introspection, but I also associate it with the Hellion.

11. ’From Eden’ - Hozier

There’s too much Hozier in my playlists. There is so much of it, and it’s all important to me, says the hoarder. There’s something about profoundly intimate folk music that I love, and god put folk, R&B, blues, and alt rock into a Vitamix for 45 seconds to make Hozier.

Honey you're familiar like my mirror years ago Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword Innocence died screaming, honey ask me I should know I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

‘From Eden’ is, according to Hozier, about idolizing someone from a distance, written from the perspective of the devil “looking longingly at something he desires - for everything that he does not have.” I associate this song with the Grave Robber for its playfully nihilistic tone - Audrey does say something to the effect of being left for dead by high society and the affectionate bordering condescending address is on-brand.

12. ‘Cherry Wine’ - Hozier

‘Cherry Wine’ is unabashedly about domestic violence, and its sincerity is heartbreaking, the sanctification of the blood spilled in the name of keeping her.

The way she tells me I'm hers and she is mine Open hand or closed fist would be fine The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.

This song is strongly tied to the Vestal for me.

13. ‘Work Song’ - Hozier

A song about unconditional love - heaven and hell were just words, indeed.

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

I think of this song for both Dismas and the Abomination - it’s a song about love transcending spiritual and even physical need, complete devotion, but something about it is also not quite right. It’s morbid and excessive, self-pitying, and almost ugly in its sincerity.

14. ‘Sunlight’ - Hozier

The strong gospel influence with the choruses, church organ, religious fervor - I think it makes a great song for traveling scenes and church/altar scenes.

I had been lost to you, sunlight Flew like a moth to you, sunlight oh sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight (sunlight, sunlight) But it is sunlight

15. ‘Arsonist’s Lullabye’ - Hozier

The gospel this time is paired with electric rock instrumentation. Something about the lamentation is unapologetic and matter-of-fact in its disturbing inclinations - this is Paracelsus’ song. Arguably representative of Bounty Hunter and Flagellant as well.

Now that I think about it, it’s great for Abomination as well. Damn.

All you have is your fire And the place you need to reach Don't you ever tame your demons But always keep 'em on a leash

16. ‘We Sink’ - Of Monsters and Men

Of Monsters and Men are closer to the indie rock/pop spectrum with influences of folk, with much less biblical influence and more folklore-inspired lyrics. They make for great trailer and action songs.

We are the sleepers, we bite our tongues We set the fire and we let it burn Through the dreamers, we hear the hum They say come on, come on, let's go So come on, come on, let's go

In Lovecraft’s Cthulu mythos, dreams are how the Old Ones commune with humans on the earth’s surface while they slumber in the ocean depths (Cthulhu fhtagn meaning “Cthulhu is dreaming”); I like to think of the ‘sleepers’ as the heroes being tasked to “set the fire” and the ‘dreamers’ being the Heir and Ancestor driven by some unseen force to unearth the antediluvian underground.

17. ‘I Of The Storm’ - Of Monsters and Men

Very somber song, overwhelmingly piano and snare drum and vocals. Also a great death scene song, or for introspection around the campfire, or played to reveal a major event.

If I could face them If I could make amends With all my shadows I'd bow my head And welcome them

18. ‘King and Lionheart’ - Of Monsters and Men

My favorite OMAM song - it’s clearly written about two children, kind of reminiscent of ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ in its fantastical nature, and very upbeat about the end of the world.

His crown lit up the way as we moved slowly Pass the wondering eyes of the ones that were left behind Though far away, though far away, though far away We're still the same, we're still the same, we're still the same

This part is reminiscent of the Leper’s journey, but the mentions of taking over a town, howling ghosts, the end of the world, a black sea and creatures lurking below, etc. are all evocative of Darkest Dungeon.

19. ‘Little Talks’ - Of Monsters and Men

Also very upbeat for its subject matter - according to OMAM, it’s a narrative of a woman speaking with the ghost of her dead husband, or going insane and believing that she’s speaking with her dead husband.

Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear 'Cause though the truth may vary This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

The call-and-respond style of the song is haunting. I like this song for expeditions and afflicted heroes.

20. ‘Wolves Without Teeth’ - Of Monsters and Men

Suitable for both Occultist and Abomination, being consumed by an unseen and otherworldly force that inhabits them - well, maybe just rarely seen, in the Abomination’s case. Special mention to OMAM’s ‘Human,’ same conceptual backing but more raw.

You hover like a hummingbird Haunt me in my sleep You're sailing from another world Sinking in my sea, oh You're feeding on my energy I'm letting go of it He wants it

21. ‘Desierto’ (Original Motion Picture Score) - Woodkid

This is a full album, because all of it is dark orchestral cinema music described as ‘unsettling,’ with the sole exception of ‘Land of All,’ which has vocals to it. I reserve this album for writing fight scenes and for particularly unsettling events because it’s tense and wordless. I read Junji Ito to this soundtrack too, it’s insanely high-strung and discordant.

22. ‘Iron’ - Woodkid

‘Iron’ qualifies as Baroque pop - you might recognize this as the Assassin’s Creed: Revelations song. The large-scale, cinematic style of it and thematic lyrics make it great for writing about dramatic encounters or brigands.

This deadly burst of snow is burning my hands I'm frozen to the bones, I am A million miles from home, I'm walking away I can't recall your eyes, your face

23. ‘Never Let You Down’ - Woodkid (feat. LYKKE LI)

Another somber song, orchestral with some industrial noise in the mix - another great introspection song, or one for a scene with some hard decisions to be made.

Will you come along cause I'm about to leave this town In my eyes, a waterfall, all I can hear, a siren call Could you be waiting by the shore, oh I could drown without you Will you be holding out the line when I fall?

24. ‘Run Boy Run’ - Woodkid

Church bells, fast percussion, strong orchestral presence. For chase scenes, obviously, but great for fast-paced sneaking scenes as well. Also has a strong quasi-Medieval fantasy setting style to it.

Tomorrow is another day And you won't have to hide away You'll be a man, boy! But for now it's time to run, it's time to run!

25. ‘I Love You’ - Woodkid

Don’t let the scream effects and aggressive percussion at the beginning deter you (it kind of took me by surprise the first few times too) - it soon fades into more of the church bells and melodic string accompaniment.

Oh yeah, unrequited love song? It’s free (mental) real estate, baby.

Is there anything I could do Just to get some attention from you? In the waves, I've lost every trace of you Where are you?

26. ‘Vagabonds’ - Grizfolk

A rare departure from folk! Grizfolk is alt rock/indie pop. Stylistically it doesn’t match the feeling of Darkest Dungeon, but lyrically it’s almost 1:1 to arrival in the hamlet and the subsequent expeditions. Good song for writing about recruits bonding.

Oh this careless ground, guessing this is home now Oh in no man's land, at least we're still standing And we're all just fighting, some of us will not return And there's no redemption in trying to find your way out

27. ‘Everybody Wants To Rule The World’ - Lorde

Great trailer fuel, if you’ve seen the AC: Unity E3 trailer with this song - I listen to an extended version when writing fights in the Guild, especially one where two heroes are beefing. It’s got a primal kind of thing going on. I also associate this song with the Arbalest - lyrically, it fits her backstory like a glove.

Welcome to your life There's no turning back Even while we sleep We will find you

Acting on your best behavior Turn your back on mother nature

28. ‘Torches’ - X Ambassadors

More alt rock/indie pop - kind of a rallying song for dark expeditions, hopeful but still somber in nature - some gospel elements. X Ambassadors’ more popular ‘Renegades’ is also a fun tavern song.

Come on, carry your flame Carry it higher Leave it in the darkness Carry your torches

29. ‘Passing Afternoon’ - Iron & Wine

This is a song I use for reconciliation or domestic scenes - Dismas with Junia in the garden, for example. It’s soft and kind of meandering, and features vintage piano - you know, the piano you heard in the basement of your church turned community center as a child.

There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

30. ‘Some Nights’ - Fun.

You know this song, your mom knows this song, everyone knows this song from like, middle school. Thought it’d be fun to end this list on an uplifting and very popular song. This is the song that a Disney adaptation of Darkest Dungeon would use in the Training Montage™ - from the point of view of Reynauld. It hits all of the points - being their commander rather than their equal, his stern and antisocial zealotry with no true ideology behind it, the ghost of his wife.

Verse 2, starting with “Well, that is it, guys, that is all / Five minutes in and I'm bored again” is where I see it transitioning to Dismas.

Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end 'Cause I could use some friends for a change And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again Some nights, I always win (I always win) But I still wake up, I still see your ghost Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know

_____

Well that’s all from me! Feel free to leave your own recommendations in the replies, and I’d love to know what you think about my personal picks. :+)

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

My personal connection with Taylor’s discography, part eleven: Happiness

Basically this is just a series I’m doing where I write down my feelings on what each of the Taylor songs means to me personally on a line to line basis both for my own sake to have it somewhere and for anyone who wants to know anything further about me.

So with that in mind, let’s get started.

Happiness

So much like the majority of Evermore and Folklore, Happiness reminds me of my family and the trauma of losing them which I’m trying to move past. Particularly, Happiness is the connecting point of the progress I’ve made moving forth and the reality that there’s still a long way to go and wishing I was further along the recovery road.

 Honey, when I'm above the trees I see this for what it is

I feel like this lyric is pretty much what it’s like on ‘good’ days. Like when I have removed myself enough from the situation and pain, I can rationalise to myself that what happened to my family wasn’t anyone’s fault, it was just a bunch of well meaning people who made choices they thought were for the best but ultimately did more harm than good. I can also acknowledge that what happened was probably for the best and that while I’m in pain now, it probably would have been worse otherwise.

But now I'm right down in it, all the years I've given is just shit we're dividin' up

But most days aren’t ‘good’ days. Most days, it feels inescapable that I gave between 16 to 23 years to these people that were meant to love me unconditionally for my whole lifetime just for them to decide that what we had wasn’t worth sticking around for. Most days, I can’t move past the bitterness that I have knowing that I feel like I’ve wasted my life because genuinely lived my life as a mirrorball and gave my all to make these people happy and keep us together just for it all to fall apart anyway.

Showed you all of my hiding spots

I’ve always been an oversharer that kept her heart on her sleeve. I genuinely feel like I showed my family, and especially my immediate family, every version of myself. My highs, my lows, my strengths, my weaknesses, my likes and dislikes; I showed it all.

I was dancing when the music stopped

I’ve mentioned this a few times in this project, but despite the issues my family had, I really fucking believed we’d get out of this okay and that the others wanted to. And I wore rose coloured glasses as things were ending and people were showing their true colours because I wanted so badly to believe that it was just a bad fight and once things cooled down, everyone would pitch in to fix things. So when it finally hit that none of them truly wanted to fix things, I realised that the music had stopped years beforehand and I had just been living in my own fantasy world dancing to a beat that wasn’t there.

And in the disbelief, I can't face reinvention. I haven’t met the new me yet

I saw a post recently that said this line is pretty much Right Where You Left Me condensed into one lyric and genuinely I have not seen anything more correct in years. Like I am still sitting here nearly six years after this started and nearly four years since I finally accepted it (god realising it’s been that long hit me like a fucking truck, not gonna lie) wondering who the fuck am I meant to be now? Like even without feeling like I devoted my life/existence for these people, who are you meant to be if not a reflection of the people who raised you and were meant to love you unconditionally?

There'll be happiness after you

I know I will get my balance back one day and be happy. There’s a lot of practical steps that need to happen first, but I know I’ll get there. And even though I wish it was with my family, I’ve accepted that it won’t be and it can’t be dependent on them or else I’m going to end up like my mother and never happy.

But there was happiness because of you

As much as I still cuss out my family, particularly my father, I grew up as a daddy’s girl and family orientated person and not all of that was negative. Though I can’t currently look back at them without crying, I have photos of birthdays, concerts, events, holidays and even just random day to day life at home that brought me so much joy. Likewise, though not directly involved, I would not have had one of the best experiences in my life of going to Japan with my school had my parents not cared enough to work their ass off for it. And though it’s hard to remember at times, especially on bad days, that is just as important to remember as the fact I’m going to be happy one day if I truly want to heal.

Both of these things can be true

Like I said, both past and future happiness is important and doesn’t negate each other. I can accept that someone from my past that made me happy isn’t going to be the one that does it in my future without either being more or lesser than the other.

There is happiness past the blood and bruise, past the curses and cries. Beyond the terror in the nightfall

Growing up in a mentally, emotionally and at times physically abusively household has left me with a lot of scars and while there’s no way to ‘prove’ it, I genuinely believe was the start of my then undiagnosed PTSD as opposed to the events of 2011. While ‘terror in the nightfall’ can directly be linked with the PTSD symptom of having chronic nightmares, I also link it just as strongly with general self doubting thoughts. Like I am very much still in a place where despite wanting to, I constantly question whether I should get married and have children or even just make new friends because I don’t feel worthy of it. All it would do is fuck over these other people. Because like end of the day, if the people who were supposed to love me unconditionally for my whole life didn’t, why the hell would anyone else?

Haunted by the look in my eyes that would've loved you for a lifetime

I will love my family forever. And genuinely, if they hadn’t of left, I would have done anything to make them happy for the rest of my life. And the fact that I do not get the chance to do that haunts me, and while I can never know for sure, I genuinely think it haunts them too.

Leave it all behind and there is happiness

Though it’s been hard, I’ve reached a point where I recognise that if I want to be happy, I need to leave behind the ‘what ifs’ and ‘what’s “meant” to be’ and focus on what is and the people who want to be in my life.

Tell me, when did your winning smile begin to look like a smirk?

Like I mentioned, I grew up as a daddy’s girl. Growing up, he was always the ‘fun’ parent. The one who was smiling and laughing all the time. The one who propped me up when I felt down. The one I really thought believed in me. But somewhere along the lines, he took offence to me wanting him to step up and face his choices so that we could fix our family. And as a result, he took joy in, in his own words, turning my sister against my mother and I and pushing me to still see him in order for mum to get spousal payments before the legal settlement out of spite. So I spent years begging him to be different, really thinking it was just a moment of hurt just for him to take pleasure in it.

When did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt?

I’ve hinted at the fact that my mother is still less willing to recover and move past what happened with my family. Consequently, she’s spent the last 5 ½ years being like a bull seeing red at all times. And though I’ve tried everything I could to help her (literal hundreds of letters to politicians and other related parties to step in, reaching out to family, constant meetings with lawyers etc), even going as far as to go to law school hoping to find a solution there. But none of it panned out like we hoped. And because richer people with better connections, more money and “smaller” issues that are unrelated to ours won their cases in court and because I’m fighting for future laws to prevent this happening again rather than the unwinnable battle with my now fully adult and moved on family, suddenly it’s my fault things turned out like they did. She genuinely believes I did not try hard enough and did not care enough about my family, and particularly my sister, when in reality, losing her was, is, and always will be the biggest heartbreak of my life.

I hope she'll be your beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you

I’ve mentioned in a few other posts that both of my parents have, in their own way, raised my sister and I to be rivals rather than sisters. And so when my father chose to not reunite our family, it felt like he was picking her over me. And in my bitterness, I spent a long time making comments about how she was either just as bad as he is and using him financially or she was an idiot who couldn’t see through his bullshit and was fine being nothing more than a trophy so long as she was his favourite.

No, I didn't mean that. Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury

With time and distance away from my father and the refusal to constantly lend myself to my mother’s negativity however, I realised that I really had been aiming my anger at the wrong person. My sister was 16 when she left. A literal child. Each and every adult in my family, my then 20 year old self included, owed her more than what happened. Even if she was a “problem child” who physically and verbally lashed out, we owed her more and we failed her. That’s the part about all this that will haunt me forever. It’s not what happened to me. It’s what happened to her and the ways I let my anger and my parents cloud my vision to the point I know in my heart that things would have been different and I could have done more to save this family had I not. And I know that that anger probably traumatised and provoked a lot of my sister’s actions too. And in all honesty? The anger probably came from a place of projection too because in realising my father would rather stick with his lies than his family, I had to accept that I had been the fool that spent years soaking up praise about my achievements just to find out that’s as far as his ‘favouritism’ of me went.

You haven't met the new me yet

I somewhat joke about it, but I genuinely feel like I became a new person in 2019. Though I’m obviously not like magically healed from the trauma or anything, and while I don’t ever see a way I can have these people in my life again, on the most part I have a new outlook on everything. On top of no longer blaming my sister, I’ve been putting the focus back on myself both in terms of things I could have done differently but also doing my best to not see my family’s decision to lie and take the easy way out as being a reflection on me. Because ultimately, it’s not about me; and it took me a long time to realise that. And there’s a sense of peace in that which is the first of many parts that they won’t know about me. And in many ways, that feels like the first step to rebuilding myself.

There'll be happiness after me

Much like how my life has kept going, so has theirs. My now nearly 22 year old sister has a son who’s about to be a toddler. She has friends I’ve probably never met. My other family members probably have just as fulfilling relationships and memories that I’m not part of. It’s sad, but that’s how life goes.

But there was happiness because of me

Again, just like how my anger doesn’t negate the positive memories I’ve had with these people, realistically it’s doubtful that every second of the 16 – 23 years they knew me was neutral at best for them.

Both of these things, I believe

Logically you cannot have one of the above and not the other. Like despite what my mother thinks, you do not just stop being happy one day just because someone, or in this case many people, left. But that new happiness you have doesn’t make the old happiness any less honest. Also just in general In still in a place where like I really have to believe that my family loved and were happy with me but also happy now or else I’ll have a mental breakdown. So yeah…

There is happiness in our history, across our great divide there is a glorious sunrise, dappled with the flickers of light from the dress I wore at midnight

Like I’ve said, I have had a lot of good memories with my family, and with them being night owls and our Christmas day events at my uncle’s tending to run for 10 – 12 hours, the use of the time of midnight feels all the more personal to me. And while like I said, these fond memories aren’t enough to go back to that environment, they’re enough to be a light in the dark that reminds me that I’ve been happy before and illuminate the way across the divide to be happy again.

I can't make it go away by making you a villain

Listen, I will probably blame my father and other family members for the rest of my days over what happened. But with the new me that came in 2019, I’ve also accepted that focusing on that both internally and feeling the need to demonise them to everyone by acting like they were the only ones to make bad calls and that some of those calls didn’t come from a well-intentioned but misinformed place doesn’t make any of the pain go away. Even if they were the devil personified, I cannot change what happened. All I can focus on is myself and my future. And that’s the only way I’m going to heal and find peace.

I guess it's the price I paid for seven years in Heaven

Despite everything that happened in my childhood before the split, I am someone who got through it still loving my family and not feeling traumatised by them (or at least not processing it as such) until my adulthood. And while that may seem very bare minimum for a lot of people, it’s also a lot better than a lot of people had it.

And I pulled your body into mine every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties

I know a lot of people see this as a sexual line, but I gotta be real, from the first listen, I pictured the moments where I held/hugged my sister through anxiety attacks and lash outs and my father did the same for me. And again, despite that intimacy, we’re now in a place where we’re only polite in public (not that I’ve seen them out but if I did) in order to not cause a scene/get chucked out of wherever we were. Also, I can see this being how my father viewed all the awkward silences (which I spoke about in my It’s Time To Go post) and whatever when I did go to see him after my parents separation, because again, it did feel more like obligation than actually wanting to be there and while I know he somewhat caused that by deliberately keeping the family apart, I still feel bad over it.

No one teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you and you know you hurt him, too

Even the worst of families never expect things to blow up in the way my family’s relationships did. There isn’t and probably never will be a manual on that shit. And there’s an inherit loneliness about that because while your other loved ones can stand by your side, ultimately you gotta go through that shit alone because no one really knows what to say. So all the guilt, anger, depression and whatever else you’re feeling is exactly that: yours and yours alone. And that makes it all the rougher.

But now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head

After my sister and father left, my mother couldn’t bare to sleep in her and my father’s old room nor my sister and my old room; instead opting to sleep in the lounge room. As a result, I moved into my parents’ old room. Though I have all new furniture, it’s set up in much the same way my parents had it and so it’s hard to not think about how my father slept in the same place I am now for 20 years of my life and the same can be said about my sister being in our childhood room for 16 years of her life. And while I’m somebody who has blocked out the ability to cry over most emotions, I’m still someone who cries very easily when I’m frustrated which as much as I wish I wasn’t, I still am frustrated and have cried more tears than I’d like to admit over how easy it should have been to keep our family together and how they just didn’t want to. And because there is that bitterness with the frustration, it does feel far more toxic than regular tears.

After giving you the best I had, tell me what to give after that

As I’ve mentioned, I’ve blamed myself a lot for decisions I should have made differently in this process, so I see this more as a line to remind myself that I did all I could. Like I took the ‘nice’ route with the adults in my family only to be rejected, I tried the assertive route and was only met with being cut off, and even if I took the ‘nice’ route with my sister, there is no reconnecting people who do not want to be. They all made their choices and could have come back at any time to hear our side even if they didn’t want to at the beginning, but again, taking the easy route was more important to them than taking the right one and no amount of me giving them what they wanted was going to change that.

All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness... and I think she'll give you that

This is another fantasy moment for me. Like I really hope that one day I can forgive my family. Not to be in their life or anything, that ship has sailed. But just for my own peace of mind. I feel like I’m almost there with my sister, but honestly? It feels like I’m never going to get there with the rest of them. Alternatively, I see this line as again, being about forgiving myself for the bad calls I made, and while I’m not quite there either, I definitely think I will get there someday.

[rebekahgaveup]

Cruel summer, The Man, London Boy, Soon You'll Get Better, ME!, Delicate, LWYMMD, New Year's Day,Welcome to New York, Shake it Off, Red, All too Well, 22, WANEGBT, Everything has Changed, Starlight, Sparks Fly, Enchanted, The Best Day, Superstar, Mary's Song, Our Song, I'd Lie

Answers below the cut because Chey asked me Taylor’s entire discography

cruel summer: describe the best summer you’ve had.

I don’t know that I’ve ever had one distinct summer that’s better than others? Like I’ve definitely had some that were worse but summer is just such a like...happy time for me. Like in my head summer is this place where time doesn’t exist and everything tastes like honey and sunshine and I’m always warm and nothing can hurt me. It’s very idyllic. So I think all the summers?

the man: name a woman who inspires you and why.

Amy Adams! Obviously there are a million women who inspire me, but Amy Adams came to mind because not only is she extremely talented but she’s never really let her fame stop her from being a normal person. I feel like she looks and acts how she wants to rather than trying to appeal to some impossible beauty standard, and I think that’s part of what makes her both a beautiful princess and an intrepid journalist and a thousand other roles. She is all of her roles because they are her and all of her roles are her because she is herself, if that makes any sense. She seems like someone who doesn’t let other people define her. I don’t know I just find her very impressive and I think she’s a powerhouse.

london boy: what is your favourite city and why?

I think Long Beach, California. I have a lot of family that lives there and like, my great-grandparents lived there and so my family has been living there for generations and I just think it’s a really beautiful place. There’s something very historical about Long Beach. It kind of feels like it’s trapped somewhere between the 50′s/60′s and now. I just think it’s a really neat place.

soon you’ll get better: name your top five saddest taylor songs.

1. Ronan

2. Soon You’ll Get Better

3. Last Kiss

4. The Moment I Knew

5. Clean

ME!: what’s your favourite thing about yourself?

Physically? My eyes or my legs. They’re the only two parts of my body that I consistently like, haha. Personality wise? I think my tendency to look for what’s good in the world. I come into things wanting and expecting to love them. I don’t think I’ve ever met a person and wanted to dislike them, or gone into a situation and genuinely disliked it from go (though I can’t say there haven’t been some situations I ended up disliking anyway). I don’t know. I just like to think that the world is a good place, sometimes even after it proves me wrong. I think everyone except for me is fundamentally good.

delicate: what was your favourite moment of the reputation era?

Specific to me, @gillettestadium followed me during the reputation era which was very exciting for me. More generally in regards to the fandom, when she showed up to the Billboard Music Awards kinda out of nowhere and took a picture with BTS that was probably my favorite reputation moment. There are a lot though bc that was the era that I got into fandom and so it holds a lot of good memories for me.

look what you made me do: what is your favourite taylor music video?

I think probably the I Knew You Were Trouble music video. I love the speech beforehand.

new year’s day: if taylor held secret sessions for all of her albums, which one would you want to go to the most?

Speak!!!!! Now!!!!!!!

welcome to new york: is there a place you dream of moving to one day?

Yes! New York, actually! I’d like to try living in either New York or London. I think I’ve kind of idealized both places a lot, but also I think I would probably still have fun living there if I had the funds to do so.

shake it off: which songs instantly put you in a good mood?

I actually have a whole playlist for this! You can find it here.

red: what colour do you associate with each of taylor’s albums?

Debut: Blue and green

Fearless: Yellow and beige

Speak Now: Purple, Eden green

Red: Red, beige, white, mustard yellow

1989: Lavendar, beige, baby blue, neon pink

reputation: black and white, orange, army green

Lover: pink, blue, orange, yellow

all too well: if you could only listen to five songs for the rest of your life, which would you chose?

There is no universe in which I could answer this

22: which is your favourite taylor friendship?

Taylor and Selena! I think they’re really cute and I love seeing how they support each other.

we are never ever getting back together: what is your favourite taylor single?

Love Story. I go feral every time it comes on.

everything has changed: which artist do you wish taylor would collab with?

BTS!!!!!! But also Niall Horan please and thank you.

starlight: if you could go back to any era in time, which would it be and why?

There’s several I would go back to and it would all be for fashion reasons so I’m going to pick the only one that isn’t for fashion reasons, which would be the turn of the 19th century because that’s when all of Jane Austen’s novels are set and she sure knows how to write dashingly polite men.

sparks fly: if you had to create an ep with ten of taylor’s songs, which would you chose?

1. Enchanted

2. The Moment I Knew

3. Last Kiss

4. Gorgeous

5. You’re Not Sorry

6. Holy Ground

7. State of Grace

8. The Last Time

9. Death by a Thousand Cuts

10. Paper Rings

Not necessarily in that order.

enchanted: who is your favourite disney princess?

Solid tie between Belle, Ariel and Rapunzel.

the best day: talk about a memorable day you’ve spent with somebody you’re close to.

Most recently I got to watch Frozen II with my aunt in her new apartment, slept over and then we went for breakfast and got macarons afterward. It was a very good day and I think about it a lot. 

superstar: which artists do you stan besides taylor?

A ton, but the only one I really stan as hard as I stan Taylor is BTS. 

mary’s song: if you could have written any taylor song yourself, which one would you chose?

Okay so as a songwriter this is a terribly hard question because the answer is, at some point, all of them. However if I had to pick just one I’d say probably Last Kiss. I think it’s her best written song. Again though, I’ve wished to have written every song in Taylor’s discography, so...

our song: country taylor or pop taylor?

Pop Taylor. I’m more of a pop fan myself.

i’d lie: which is your favourite unreleased taylor song?

Dark Blue Tennessee! I actually have a non-canon URL saved for this one, but I’m not using it currently because I’m too afraid to even temporarily put lovedyouthreesummers on ice.

Thanks for the longest, most detailed ask I’ve ever had to answer Chey!

[xyloophones]

hi! :) music anon here - i just read your reply and pls give me allllll the (gay) music recs!!

this is gonna be a long list anon pls buckle up. also note that im not gonna link anything bc theres a lot but all of these songs are on youtube/spotify 

🌈 xylo’s super gay, super incoherent music rec list 🌈

the basics / the popular ones

troye sivan. i know. I KNOW. half the playlist was already him but listen ive been a troye fan since he put out happy little pill & let me tell u all his songs have such a VIBE. blue neighborhood???? an iconic album. got me thru my last 2 years of high school. to this DAY i cannot listen to suburbia without thinking about driving to watch the sunrise on my first day of senior year w my best friend, sitting in the parking lot in her car n holding hands over the center console bc we were so scared of growing up. he just EVOKES that kind of MOOD u know??

listen to: fools–– talk me down–– heaven 

frank ocean !!!! a bi ICON. i waited so long for new music n he blessed us with TWO ALBUMS. not only is his music spectacular and literally lyrically genius (”see both sides like chanel?? c on both sides like chanel???“ as a metaphor for bisexuality???? BEAUTIFUL. INCREDIBLE. LITERALLY AMAZING.) but he also just has sUCH an aesthetic. 

listen to: thinkin bout you if ur feelin soft;  ivy ––chanel–– nights if u want his newer stuff

lesbian jesus herself hayley kiyoko. anon. ANON. listen to me when i tell u that her music will change ur life. she is so RELATABLE and her songs are SO CATCHY. the girls like girls music video single handedly raised my gpa and cleared my acne. 

listen to: everything uhh girls like girls–– palace–– gravel to the tempo

kehlani. im literally so obsessed. shes again another #bi icon. her gf is really cute. im in luv w her. sweetsexysavage is her latest album n its honestly??? driving my life force???? her voice is also just so lush & smooth while also bein slightly gravely in a way that makes me blush in public a lot like how can i be so gay for just her voice??? shes also just so charming n has the cutest smile and, again, i’m gay

listen to: honey is my fav song bc it reminds me of my gf (AGAIN: IM GAY) but distraction is v cute n flirty n a longtime fav. listen to in my feelings if ur ex is awful. also: keep on –– piece of mind –– the way feat. chance are all really good. just listen to her entire discography honestly

DODIE. ive been a dodie fan since i, a repressed baby gay, stumbled upon “she” on youtube and was filled with such immense love that i immediately stanned and here we are, 2 EPs later. nothing more relatable than pining for ur str8 best friend. pls listen to “she” it literally kickstarted my gay awakening

listen to: ill say it again, she –– also sick of losing soulmates–– her cover of somebody else by the 1975 

against me. i dont know if ur into punk anon but even if ur not, consider checking out against me. lead singer laura jane grace is a super badass trans woman & trans dysphoria blues is an album with. suCH EMOTION. 

listen to: black me out , a song to plan a revolution to. im here, im queer, im angry and its a midterm election year #registertovote 

lesser known artists + singles + lgbtq+ artists that i know but am not a big fan of under the cut

let me go by tunde olaniran. i regularly cried listening to this song after a break up. if u wanna be emotional n gay this is a good one. 

somebody loves you by betty who. ok not specifically gay (i dont think???) but it was used in a rlly cute gay marriage proposal (look it up on youtube im begging i guarantee u will be smiling for the rest of the day) and they are. ALWAYS. playing this one at pride. a bop. 

boyfriend by tegan and sara. ok i know theyre technically popular but no one talks about their last album and boyfriend is a good song ok?? ok.

jenny by studio killers. another song about pining after ur best friend. can u tell i went THRU SOME STUFF in high school 

ok aGAIN i know that halsey is also technically mainstream but i didnt wanna write a whole paragraph about her. listen to strangers feat. lauren jauregui. #unpopularopinion but her last album was just “ok” dont @ me

HEART ATTACK BY LOONA. do u like k pop??? do u like gay girls???? do u like cute music videos???? my friend do i have the song for u

mary lambert. she did the hook in that macklemore song. pls listen to her other stuff its so good n soft n  “i cant think straight / im so gay / sometimes i cry the whole day” #relataBLE

everyone knows who sam smith is right?? anyway prayers is good. his entire last album is honestly so good but hes not a particular fav of mine.

elton john. a LEGEND. he’s like 150 years old but im hoping the sheer love of the gay community will keep him alive for another 150 years

ANGEL HAZE. ive been a long time fan.  v emotional n the lyrics r heavy but honestly?? so important??? one of my fav rap artists

i know a place by muna. i listened to this on the way to pride n almost cried in front of my mom, my friends, and an entire BART station full of pride goers. its a v upbeat song, im just emotional 

zolita. uhh not a big fan tbh, just not my musical style

girls/girls/boys by p!atd. ok also not technically gay (?? maybe??? there are some Bi Rumors but thats not my place to say) but anyways def a bi anthem. dont watch the music video its very “lets have two girls kiss for views” which is like. not the msg of the song but whatever i aired my salt about that in 2013 n im not going back now

idk what kina grannis’s sexuality is (again, not my business) but she does a lot of good covers and never changes pronouns. i like sweater weather and shut up and dance with me a lot. 

oh !! ben j pierce !! 2 v good songs about how gender roles r bullshit n heteronormativity is awful. hes also like my exact age n i luv his makeup tutorials. 

there are honestly so many more. also a lot im forgetting. im so sorry you had to read thru this long incoherent post w my awful typing 

anyway if u want my full gay playlist on spotify just msg me off anon and ill give u a link (this goes for anyone btw !!) im currently adding + taking things out n its a constant work in progress but u know, its at least not the same 8 songs over and over again (no shade at 8tracks tho….ha …) 

[dear-jjh]

Reminiscing.

gif originally posted by defsouldanik

requested: yes! “Hi! Can I request an scenario for Daniel based on Taylor Swift’s Gorgeous? Thanks in advance!!” AND “could you write a fluffy daniel scenario please?” characters: kang daniel x reader, wanna one members genre: mostly angst, (some?) fluff, idol! kang Daniel au word count: 2.3k summary: you weren’t sure if you made the right decision to attend the concert and by the time the concert ended, you weren’t sure what to feel about everything that happened. author’s note: it wasn’t heavily based on the song (SORRY). I didn’t really know this song until it was requested so I just took some lyrics and tried to make a story out of it. I also decided to combine two requests because the other one was sent before the change I made in my request box so it didn’t really state any other details than just “fluffy”. I hope you’ll understand. Nonetheless, I hope that you’ll like it! Sorry it took so long! As always, please let me know how I did in my inbox, thank you!

masterlist

You looked at your calendar and thought that it was finally the day. You’ve been waiting for this for a long time now. Ever since you got the tickets for Wanna One’s first ever concert, you’ve been impatient for this day to come. For the day you see him on stage. For the day you see him… again. 

Its been almost five months now ever since you broke up with Daniel and it was because of him debuting. It was becoming harder and harder for you guys to see each other and communicate, so you just decided to end it.

Moving on from that relationship was so hard for you, but you don’t know if you can say the same for him. He seemed fine in their comeback stages, their guesting on variety shows, he seemed fine. He looked okay.

You were on the way to the concert’s venue with your friend and she knew that Daniel was your ex. “Are you okay? Are you sure you still want to go?” she asked for God knows how many times already. She was the one who has been there for you from the start, she witnessed your happiness when you were still with Daniel, but of course, she also witnessed your sorrow when you broke up, and honestly, you were so thankful for her because she was always there for you.

“Yes, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me” you said and gave a slight smile to assure her that you were fine. But were you really? 

As soon as you reached the venue, you decided to just go straight inside and find your seats. The loud music and the noise of the fans were becoming louder and louder each minute. You were in the VIP section along with your friend and with a lot of their fans as well. You were so close to the stage, you were in the VIP pit area. This was the only VIP ticket available so you decided to take it rather than sitting from the distance. You wanted to see him as close as you can, but you knew that he would never notice you in the crowd since you blended with so many fans.

You noticed that there were so many fans holding a banner that had his name on it and you couldn’t be more proud of what he achieved. The loud music stopped and the lights turned off. The members were still not on stage but a video played on the big screen at the stage. It was a video of the members getting interviewed. As usual, his was last.

While he was getting interviewed during his trainee life, memories started flashing back in your mind because that was the time you guys started talking and became together. He trained for about two years and you were together for a year and a half, but your relationship ended when he was starting to prepare for their debut.

When you started talking, he would always tease you with specific lyrics to Taylor’s Swift song called “Gorgeous”. He knew you didn’t really listen to her and that you were not very fond of her. He insisted that these lyrics really fitted you and his situation. By the time you guys became together, he would still sing it to you just to annoy you. You never really thought that it did suit your situation, but now it does. Now, you’re missing all the teasing and his singing.

“You should take it as a compliment 
That I'm talking to everyone here but you”

He always had so much confidence in him, but he was always shy when it comes to you. You knew that there were other girls waiting and drooling over him. Girls who were prettier and better than you, but he chose to stay loyal to you even though you guys weren’t even dating yet.

“And you should think about the consequence 
Of you touching my hand in the darkened room”

You could clearly remember the first time he held your hand. This was still during the time he was courting you. You had your first date in the movies. While watching the movie, you could tell that he felt uneasy because he kept moving around. He kept looking at his hand, and yours. There were times when you ended up catching him looking at you and you would just silently laugh it off. Finally, towards the end of the movie, he gathered all of the courage he could and he held your hand. He intertwined them. You felt your heart jump out of your chest the moment his hand touched yours.

You felt heavy with all of the emotions you felt with all the reminiscing. Before the video interview ended, he mentioned that for their first ever concert, he wanted important people in his life to attend and watch. Oh god, you wished that you were a part of those important people that he said but obviously, you’re not. Not anymore. The video interview stopped and the intro music played. You thought that this was the signal that Wanna One will finally start the concert.

The concert began and they performed the songs from their discography. From the beginning of their performances, you couldn’t help but be in awe. He looked astonishing on stage. His charisma and stage presence were so powerful, no wonder he had so many fans. You were so proud to see him do what he loved and him pursuing his dreams. You didn’t realize that you started tearing up but you had to quickly gather your emotions because they were performing an upbeat song and it would be weird if you started crying.

The concert proceeded and it was during that part of their concert when they just walk around and interact with fans. Since you were in the VIP section, all of the members would walk by and say hi to the fans. You wondered if they noticed you but you didn’t even know if they knew who you were. You wondered if Daniel mentioned you to them. There was a slight possibility that he did, but you weren’t fully sure. You met the members once and that was when it was newly announced the official members of the group. That was the only time you got to meet the members and it was also quick and not formal. Daniel introduced you as his special friend but you weren’t sure if they knew about your actual relationship.

A few members passed by except Jisung, Seongwoo, and Daniel. Jisung and Seongwoo walked in the stage near your pit and they scanned their eyes in the pit while greeting the fans. While Jisung was scanning his eyes, you noticed that he looked at you or maybe the other fans beside you. But you weren’t really sure. He had a shocked look on his face. He turned to Seongwoo and whispered something to him and now Seongwoo was looking in your area as well.

Did they remember who you were? That’s what you thought at the moment but you couldn’t assume anything because there were a lot of fans around you and in the pit. Who knows, they could be talking about them instead of you. Jisung and Seongwoo then waved goodbye to the fans in your pit area.

Your eyes followed where they were heading and Seongwoo headed to Daniel and again, whispered something. They were really far from your pit section, but you could see that Daniel turned his head and looked at where your section was and Seongwoo was still whispering something to him. They parted ways and Daniel started walking towards the section where you were. You could feel your heartbeat speeding up each time he was one step closer to where you were.

“If you've got a girlfriend, I'm jealous of her
But if you're single that's honestly worse
'Cause you're so gorgeous it actually hurts
(Honey, it hurts)”

While he was walking towards your section, he looked so breathtaking. Each step he took was a step closer to where you were. His proportions were so good that you thought how was it impossible for someone to be real? His charm and good looks made your knees weaken, it made your heart hurt as well. It gave you so much pain.

How could you let this man go? Why weren’t you strong enough? Why didn’t you endure? Because let's be honest, you couldn’t see him with another girl, it would just hurt so much. But he deserved better. He deserved someone who would have enough patience to wait for him. He deserved someone who was strong enough to always be there for him even when things are rough. He deserved someone who was more understanding of his situation and career. He deserved nothing, but the best.

He stopped walking. He stopped at the spot on the stage just in front of where your pit was. You stopped. You stopped breathing. You felt your heart drop when he started looking and scanning his eyes towards the fans in your area. You wanted to leave, but it was too late.

“Ocean blue eyes looking in mine
I feel like I might sink and drown and die”

Before you could even turn your back, his eyes already landed on yours. This time you were sure that this Wanna One member was having an eye contact with you.

You were sure that Daniel was looking at you. He kept waving to the fans but his eyes were glued on yours. Oh, those eyes. You could easily get lost in them. There was a huge distance from where you were and where he was standing but you could say that you were drowning in his stare. He had his eyes fixed on you and you tried to look away but you couldn’t.

After a few seconds, he then waved for the last time before going back to his members. He looked at you once again and gave you a smile. You missed that smile. You missed him. Right after giving his smile, he left.  

“You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah
There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have
You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad”

He left. Once again, he left. For a moment, you didn’t know what to feel. Were you happy that you finally saw him again? Or were you sad that his presence brought back a thousand of memories?

The moment he started walking away; the day you parted with each other made its way back into your mind again. You decided to end the relationship as it was getting harder and harder but you knew in your heart that you still loved him. It was hurting, but you had to let him go. The moment you turned your back at him and started to walk away, tears started flowing down from your eyes but you had to act that you were okay. You looked back to see him and he started to walk away from the table where you guys sat and broke up. Little did you know that at the moment you turned your back at him, Daniel wanted to chase and hug you and tell you to stay, to fight, to endure. But he couldn’t because he respected your decision. It was against his will, but he didn’t want to argue because its what you wanted. He thought that it would make you happy, but did it?

You didn’t know if attending this concert was a good idea because all it did was bring back memories, all it did was make you realize that you still loved him.

After he walked away, you wanted him back. You wanted to have your relationship back. You missed him so much. You wanted to create more memories with him. You missed his laugh, his jokes, his great personality. You missed everything about him. But you knew it was impossible at this point. You loved him, but all that you can do now is love him from afar.

The concert ended without even realizing it. After the moment that you had with him, you dazed off for the rest of the concert and suddenly it was now ending. The members had their final ment and said goodbye to the fans. The lights turned on and everyone started to leave the venue.

“Are you okay?” your friend who witnessed everything asked you with a worried look on her face. “I don’t know, I don’t know” you said. She sighed and said “You still love him huh?”, after she said those words, all you could do was stay silent.

You were now in a taxi on the way home. You looked out in the window and started to reminisce once again. For another time tonight, tears started flowing down from your eyes. You lightly sobbed. You felt your friend rubbed your back trying to comfort you. You turned to her and gave her a slight smile.

It hurts knowing that you can’t have the person you love. Not anymore. You looked out in the window trying to calm yourself by looking at the sky when you received a text message from your phone. You felt your heart drop down to your stomach when you found out who the text message came from. It was from him. From Daniel.

You opened the text message and you didn’t know what to feel. Are you shocked? Did it make you sad? Or did it send butterflies down your stomach?

“Thank you for coming. I didn’t expect you to come, but I was hoping you would. I’m glad you came. I hope we can catch up soon. I missed you.”

You didn’t know what to feel, but one thing was for sure. You felt tears flowing down your cheeks for the hundredth time tonight.

posted on: 171202

[ralphspina-blog1]

Beatles songs for Band of Brothers characters

AND HERE IS PART THREE OF MY TOTALLY UNPLANNED BUT AWESOME (i hope) HBO WAR PLAYLIST TRILOGY! It’s going behind a read more because it’s insanely long, and I do apologise to anyone who doesn’t have their fav on here, but the cast size and the discography scope could’ve combined to have me doing this forever. I had to throw down some limits. Thank you for coming on this wild ride with me! Or if you’ve just tuned in, welcome, and I hope you enjoy <3

Dick Winters: Hey Jude // And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain / Don't carry the world upon your shoulders / For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool / By making his world a little colder / So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin / You're waiting for someone to perform with / And don't you know that it's just you? / Hey Jude, you'll do / The movement you need is on your shoulder

Lewis Nixon: Baby, You’re a Rich Man // How does it feel to be one of the beautiful people? / Now that you know who you are, what do you want to be? / And have you traveled very far? / Far as the eye can see / Tuned to a natural E / Happy to be that way / Now that you've found another key, what are you going to play?

Harry Welsh:  All My Loving // Close your eyes and I'll kiss you / Tomorrow I'll miss you / Remember I'll always be true / And then while I'm away, I'll write home every day / And I'll send all my loving to you / I'll pretend that I'm kissing the lips I am missing / And hope that my dreams will come true / And then while I'm away, I'll write home every day / And I'll send all my loving to you

 Ron Speirs: The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill // He went out tiger hunting with his elephant and gun / In case of accidents, he always took his mom / He's the all American bullet-headed saxon mother's son / Deep in the jungle where the mighty tiger lies / Bill and his elephants were taken by surprise / So Captain Marvel zapped in right between the eyes / The children asked him if to kill was not a sin / Not when he looked so fierce, his mother butted in / If looks could kill it would have been us instead of him

 Carwood Lipton: While My Guitar Gently Weeps // I look at the world and I notice it's turning / While my guitar gently weeps / With every mistake, we must surely be learning / Still my guitar gently weeps / I don't know how nobody told you how to unfold your love / I don't know how someone controlled you / They bought and sold you / I look at you all / I see the love there that's sleeping / While my guitar gently weeps

 Donald Malarkey: With a Little Help From My Friends // What do I do when my love is away / (Does it worry you to be alone?) / How do I feel by the end of the day / (Are you sad because you're on your own?) / Would you believe in a love at first sight? / Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time / What do you see when you turn out the light? / I can't tell you, but I know it's mine / I’ll get by with a little help from my friends

 Bill Guarnere: Getting Better // Me used to be angry young man / Me hiding me head in the sand / You gave me the word, I finally heard / I'm doing the best that I can / Man, I was mean, but I'm changing my scene / And I'm doing the best that I can / I've got to admit, it's getting better / A little better all the time/ Can’t get no worse

 George Luz: Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band // It was twenty years ago today / Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play / They've been going in and out of style / But they're guaranteed to raise a smile / So may I introduce to you / The act you've known for all these years / Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band / It's wonderful to be here / It's certainly a thrill / You're such a lovely audience / We'd like to take you home with us / We'd love to take you home

 Joe Liebgott: Hey Bulldog // Some kind of happiness is measured out in miles / What makes you think you're something special when you smile? / Childlike, no one understands / Jackknife in your sweaty hands / Some kind of innocence is measured out in years / You don't know what it's like to listen to your fears / Some kind of solitude is measured out in you / You think you know me, but you haven't got a clue

 Buck Compton: Yesterday // Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away / Now it looks as though they're here to stay / Oh, I believe in yesterday / Suddenly I'm not half the man I used to be / There's a shadow hanging over me / Oh, yesterday came suddenly / Yesterday love was such an easy game to play / Now I need a place to hide away

 Skip Muck & Alex Penkala: Two of us // Two of us riding nowhere / Spending someone's hard earned pay / Two of us Sunday driving / Not arriving / On our way back home / Two of us sending postcards / Writing letters on my wall / You and me burning matches / Lifting latches / On our way back home / You and I have memories longer than the road that stretches out ahead

 Eugene Roe: Dear Prudence // Dear Prudence, open up your eyes / Dear Prudence, see the sunny skies / The wind is low, the birds will sing that you are part of everything / Dear Prudence, won't you open up your eyes? / Dear Prudence, let me see you smile / Dear Prudence, like a little child / The clouds will be a daisy chain / So let me see you smile again

 Babe Heffron: Help! // When I was younger, so much younger than today / I never needed anybody's help in any way / But now these days are gone, and I'm not so self assured / And now I find I've changed my mind, I've opened up the doors / And now my life has changed in oh so many ways / My independence seems to vanish in the haze / But ev'ry now and then I feel so insecure / I know that I just need you like I've never done before

 Joe Toye: Helter Skelter // When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide / Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride / ‘Til I get to the bottom and I see you again / Do you, don't you want me to love you? / I'm coming down fast but I'm miles above you / Will you, won't you want me to make you? / I'm coming down fast but don't let me break you / Tell me, tell me / Tell me the answer / You may be a lover but you ain't no dancer

 Frank Perconte: Old Brown Shoe // If I grow up I'll be a singer / Wearing rings on every finger/ Not worrying what they or you say / I'll live and love and maybe someday / Who knows, baby, you may comfort me / I may appear to be imperfect / My love is something you can't reject / I'm changing faster than the weather / If you and me should get together / Who knows, baby, you may comfort me

 Floyd Talbert: One after 909 // My baby said she's trav'ling on the one after 909 / I said move over honey I'm traveling on that line / I said move over once, move over twice / Come on baby don't be cold as ice / Said she's trav'ling on the one after 909 / I got my bag, run to the station / Railman says you've got the the wrong location / I got my bag, run right home / Then I find I've got the number wrong

 Charles Grant: Any Time At All // If you're feeling sorry and sad, I'd really sympathize / If the sun has faded away, I'll try to make it shine / There's nothing I won't do / If you need a shoulder to cry on, I hope it will be mine / Call me tonight, and I'll come to you / Any time at all, all you've gotta do is call and I'll be there

 Bull Randleman: Fixing a Hole // I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in / And stops my mind from wandering / Where it will go / I'm filling the cracks that ran through the door / And kept my mind from wandering / Where it will go / And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong / I'm right where I belong I'm right / Where I belong / I'm taking the time for a number of things that weren't important yesterday

 Johnny Martin: Good Morning, Good Morning // Going to work, don't want to go, feeling low down / Heading for home, you start to roam, then you're in town / Everybody knows there's nothing doing / Everything is closed, it's like a ruin / Everyone you see is half asleep / And you're on your own, you're in the street / Good morning, good morning / Nothing has changed, it's still the same / I've got nothing to say but it's okay / Good morning, good morning

 David Webster: We Can Work it Out // Think of what you're saying / You can get it wrong and still you think that it's alright / Think of what I'm saying / We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night / Try to see it my way / Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong / While you see it your way / There's a chance that we may fall apart before too long / We can work it out

 Shifty Powers: All You Need is Love // There’s nothing you can make that can't be made / No one you can save that can't be saved / Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time / It's easy / Nothing you can know that isn't known / Nothing you can see that isn't shown / Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be / It's easy/ All you need is love

 Skinny Sisk: Boys // I been told when a boy kiss a girl / Take a trip around the world / My girl says when I kiss her lips / Gets a thrill through her fingertips / Yeah, she say ya do / Well, I’m talking about boys / Don’t you know I mean boys / What a bundle of joy!

 Renee Lemaire: Eleanor Rigby // Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name / Nobody came / Father McKenzie, wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave / No one was saved / All the lonely people / Where do they all come from? / All the lonely people / Where do they all belong?

 Ralph Spina: When I’m Sixty-Four // I could be handy, mending a fuse when your lights have gone / You can knit a sweater by the fireside / Sunday mornings, go for a ride / Doing the garden, digging the weeds / Who could ask for more / Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I'm sixty-four?

 Albert Blithe: Blackbird // Blackbird singing in the dead of night / Take these broken wings and learn to fly / All your life / You were only waiting for this moment to arise / Blackbird singing in the dead of night / Take these sunken eyes and learn to see / All your life / You were only waiting for this moment to be free / Blackbird fly, blackbird fly / Into the light of the dark black night

 John Janovec: A Day In the Life // I read the news today, oh boy / About a lucky man who made the grade / And though the news was rather sad / Well, I just had to laugh / I saw the photograph / I saw a film today, oh boy / The English army had just won the war / A crowd of people turned away / But I just had to look, having read the book

 Herbert Sobel: I’m Looking Through You // I'm looking through you, where did you go? / I thought I knew you / What did I know? / You don't look different, but you have changed / I'm looking through you / You're not the same / You're thinking of me the same old way / You were above me, but not today / The only difference is you're down there / I'm looking through you, and you’re nowhere

 Norman Dike: Nowhere Man // He’s a real nowhere man / Living in his nowhere land / Making all his nowhere plans for nobody / Doesn’t have a point of view / Knows not where he’s going to / Isn’t he a bit like you and me? / Nowhere Man, don’t worry / Take your time, don’t hurry / Leave it all ‘til somebody else lends you a hand

[hellavision]

liveblogging mama 2017

so here we are again

3rd time's the charm everyone i'm back and i'm better

let sgoooo

day6 are finally at the mamas, three years in the making and three years after me asking for it and they look. so good

wonpil, sweetie, who owns my heart

HANSOL go off babie !!!!

hansol sweetie :(((((

my boy

our boy !!! we love !!

i'm so glad he got to perform with dynamic duo i'm really proud of him !

grasp the mind ,??? artistic legends taemin and sunmi

fatal temptation ???? they didn't come to play

TAEMIN is hooked up and shirtless i don't know what i'm feeling there's just a lot of it

king of being. blindfolded

he's so talented !!!!!!!

he's so ethereal i want to bathe in his mind my guy

oh they lift him !! honey

this gal covering her eyes . me too

the light sticks

the blue lighting !! it's so beautiful

taemin is so beautiful

jongin. !!!

door is such a good song

SUNMI

i'm not ready. i'm not ready for sunmi and taemin to hand my ass to me

oh BITCH

she looks so good !!

this wo maaaaaan

choaaaa

can't nobody stop me now nAooo try me

glare into my  soul

this dress oh man

jongdae's lol smile

oooo there's a pause

TAEMIN

classy king

k i l l me

the point and shoot at each other and the glare WHO DO I LOOK AT

they're doing it for the bisexuals

what do i do

who am i

who are u

what the FUCK happened to namjoon's head

he looks like a damn fool

i'm so so happy spring day won i love it so much

yes cherry bomb

taeil jaehyun and doyoung look ffffine

taeyong n mark are v festive. nice

RED VELVET i am alive. i am breathing. my sinuses are open

they're so magical !! they're a dream

I WAS VITAMIN D DEFICIent until i heard red flavour

i've been saying heize wrong this whole time

i've been saying high-zz

heize looks so beautiful

first woman in four years to win that category i'm so happy for her !!

taemin !!!!!!

the fistbump awh

move was choreographed so beautifully and executed just as well i'm so happy he has recognition for that

the umbrellas are really really beautiful

come through soyou

the hat pushing chanyeol's ears forward !!!! he has my heart

soyou is a real life angel

ailee is another real life angel

i don't really go there but bolbbalgan4 seem really sweet and their vocal are really unique i'm glad for them

exo ls and army's are fighting ,,, why can't weeee be frieeeeends

guys like. i ult both exo and bts do you know how FUN it is get into it !! ur missing out !! i'm having such a good fucking time have some fun let loose enjoy urself it's just kpop x

i mean don't stan if you don't wanna stan i'm talking about the people who just hate one or the other for no reason

congrats to nct !!!

wow. i didn't know much about hyukoh at all but now listening to them , wow !!!

they're like ,,,, incendiary

definitely am going to listen to their entire discography later this performance was absolutely incredible it wa s so magical and powerful it really struck a chord (eh x) they're so good !!

this medley !!!! play it at my funeral !!

red velvet !!!!!!!!!!!

they've worked so so so hard this year and it's paid off i'm so proud and so happy for them aaaaa

truly what they deserved

i'm not letting bts accept the best asian style award when namjoon's head looks like that

it's peak

the rest of them though 11/10 solid yes x

wait

wai t

EXO

whaaaaat

OOOO

OOOOOOOOOO

JONGIN

i'm. overwhelmasfd

ohhhhh my goooood

baekhyun !!!!! kyungsoo!!!!!

my stream is starting to lag a tiny bit and NOW IS Not the time stay strong

SHIMMY SHIMMY ko ko bop

awoooooooooooo

jongin is so naked i'm overwhelmed

minseok !!!!!!!

break it down now

aaaa

we don't deserve exo or their dabs

OOOOOOOOOOOO

when jongin entered the light

he is so talented !!!!! he has total jurisdiction over this ass

:0 taemin !

kim jongin has rocked my world

take my house !! take my car that doesn't exist !!

i'm feeling every single emotion. i have transcended emotions

OH BITCH !!!!! power ?,, It's a party

power makes me so happy when i tell u i have a good fuckin time watching them perform it

‼️‼️ we take shots ‼️‼️

not @ kyungsoo's bolo tie. yeehaw

the exos own my heart

who flexed. who was it

oh nvm it was all of them

got7!!! 2young have my entire heart

jongin hugging sungwoon !!! bear !!

tuned out during wanna one and sujus performances to play tetris i'm sorry

oh bitch. it's time 4 bullet proof boy scouts

water earth fire air long ago the four nations lived together in harmony then everything changed when the fire nation attacked only the avatar

OOOOOO

i haven't heard not today in centuries

oooo !!!!!!

look at hoseok go !!!!

pop it lock it and polkadot it king !!

taehyung how daaaare u

now listen. jungkook , has a good face

yoongi's annoying ass is so hype i'm excited for cypher skskjsk

this is so cool

oh mic drop oh boy oh man o boy

big fat yes to these suits HOO

this TUDE from hoseok

namjoon looks like a goddamn clown i love and respect and appreciate you but the glasses and hair are not only ineffective but counterproductive to ur aim x

this .... d ance break

oh BItCH

bitch !!!

biiitch

well

i am. exhausted

:0 daesangs

what's happening what day is it

i'm still reeling

............

wEll

jimin taemin and jongin !! awhhhhh

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

they've had the most incredible year i'm so happy to see them smiling and hear them all talking they deserve it so much

:((( yoongi

"peace"

last year they were all so emotional and it's really nice this year to see them all so happy and excited and like. content u know

this is such a happy time like !!!

and now we wait to see how long it takes for someone to dig out the 19/03/2013 teamwork makes the dream work tweet

album of the year ! album of the year !

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the exos !!!!!! our boys !!!!!

the war is SO good i'm so happy for them !!

junmyeon

wait. pcy is crying ???

oh noooooo don't cry :(((

did jongin just whisper in his ear ??? so much is happening

sehun is laughing what is going on

chanyeol tried to talk i :(((((( pls

babieeee

give him a hug

w ait is minseok crying ?????

he hasn't cried since 2013 i !!!!!

:(((

i'm gonna have an aneurysm

i'm so happy and so proud of and so full of love for exo !!!!!

our loud disney prince jongdae skskkskska

sehun is holding that man from suju's hands :(((( a giant babie

today is such a happy day !!!! daesangs for exo and bts i'm so proud of them both trials and tribulations lead to love and celebrations am i right chingus x

honestly they deserve it so much and i'm just so happy and content !!!

last year i said “[shinee] don’t even need to be at mama to end it. bye can u imagine how good kibum would have looked. what stops he would have pulled out. a shame”

this is all still true

until next year everyone , it's been real

(soz if i made no sense, im very deliriously sick lol)