#sorry to say it but pirates back then were gay af | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bloomingcockroaches · 2 years

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Hi I went down the potc rabbit hole recently and now I just want to rant for a bit and that is the black pearl backstory. (As a disclaimer I haven’t read tpof so things may not match up). So, irl pirates gained notoriety and fell into obscurity/were caught pretty fast so for jack to become a famous pirate within 3 years is very much possible but. He’s the son of the code’s keeper. He probably knows every one of the pirate lords since he was a teen (and started owing them money). There’s no (1/2)

way he served on any sort of civilian ship for long let alone became a captain of one - so I suggest he was, for a time, a privateer (a pirate’s only out for themselves so if you get your money from the crown sometimes it’s only your business). And when at some point he was ordered to act as convoy for a merchant ship with a cargo of slaves, he didn’t just free them - he stole the ship itself and went back to his pirating ways. Also when Beckett talks about burning and sinking the pearl I (2/3)

(3/3 I promise) have always imagined it was with jack still /on/ her because I cannot think of any other way he could have reached Jones (but then there’s the question of did he possess some kind of supernatural drowning protection (tia dalma??), or he just... sweet-talked Jones into the deal while being, for all purposes, dead which would actually be hilarious). Also I don’t remember if it was stated anywhere if Jones gave pearl her supernatural speed? (okay sorry of the abrupt end I’m done)

1. never apologize for messaging me about potc! i love it!!!!

2. i don’t personally hold TPoF as canon! i take what i want from it but for me it exists in the same realm as the actors’ head canons about their characters and deleted scenes: they’re true if i like them and they’re untrue if i don’t

3. on to your asks!!!

Nepotism baby Jack Sparrow is my favorite thing ever, especially since Teague is like chief pirate cop of all time. Like that’s so funny. It does not get funnier than that. You’re captain of the Troubadour, known and feared and infamous across all piratekind, keeper of the Pirate Code, older than dirt. You drag your stupid gay teenage fuck up to all your Brethren Court meetings because you’re hoping he’ll make something of himself for once. Cut to a few decades in the future and he’s divorcing your favorite coworker. What a world.

I have to be honest about the whole “Jack refused to carry a cargo of captured Africans” thing... it reeks of D/sney white saviorism. This is the only time in the series that chattel slavery is addressed at all. A series set in colonial Jamaica. Literally in the colony of Port Royal. The sequels of which are centered around global imperialism and the EITC. Isn’t it convenient that your quirky dreadlocked white boy was anti-slavery in 1760?

There were white abolitionists at this time of course I’m not saying it’s unrealistic for a white Englishman to be anti-slavery at this time. I’m just saying that it’s awfully convenient to put a little halo around Jack’s head and then never talk about slavery anywhere else ever again. Especially when one of your central protagonists is a Black woman. Especially when privateers and free sailors were instrumental in perpetuating the global slave trade. Especially when pirate ships and outposts in the Caribbean were often home to Black people who had escaped slavery.

Like... either create a series set in colonial times and pretend that chattel slavery doesn’t exist at all or do the significantly more difficult thing and integrate it meaningfully into your narrative. Mentioning it once just to make Jack Sparrow look good is lame af. I get why they cut it. I support them cutting it.

Again, just bc this is tumblr so I feel like I have to extricate everything with tweezers: I’m not saying it’s bad or unrealistic that Jack Sparrow would be anti-slavery and would go so far as to do something significant about it. I’m saying it’s narratively weird that you would address the global institution of chattel slavery only once and only in order to make your dreadlocked white protagonist look good.

You are right about a lot of TPoF things btw! In TPoF canon, The Black Pearl was originally a ship called The Wicked Wench and Jack sailed it as a privateer for the EITC. I think this is irreconcilable with him being Captain Teague’s kid but that’s a whole ‘nother story. When Beckett ordered Jack to transport human cargo he refused and freed them instead. To punish him for disobeying orders, Beckett had his beloved Wench burned and sunk and branded him as a pirate. Later, Jack made a deal with Davy Jones to raise her from the depths and give him 13 years as captain in exchange for his immortal soul. Davy Jones agreed, but when he rose the Wench from the depths her hull was charred black. Jack renamed her The Black Pearl.

I’ll be real it has been maaaaaaaaaaaany many many years since I read it so I can’t remember about her supernatural speed... I’m pretty sure yeah that Davy Jones gave that to her.

I think your version of events is incredibly cute I love it. Jack being sunk with the Wench then picked up by Davy Jones then selling his soul works so so well. Especially because one of the things I love most about Jones is that he just very obviously likes Jack Sparrow very much. He just tolerates him so much for so long. Like he won’t stop giving him a break. Jack’s two super powers are being annoying and charming and they work on Jones so well.

The only thing I don’t like about this is that one of my favorite parts of AWE and Jack and Barbossa meeting again is that they’re doing so as dead men. They’re meeting on the other side of a 10 year feud facing the prospect of the end of The Age of Sail, looking at the world shrinking before them, and they’re dead. They’re dead and they’ve come back wrong and the world has moved on so quickly without them.

And if Jack was sunk with the Wench that makes him dead already.

Which, “dead from the beginning” is one of my favorite themes ever but I don’t think it fits Jack very well. For me, AWE is in many ways about Jack coming back as a sad rabbit, a humiliated rabbit, a why-oh-why-must-this-happen-to-me rabbit. He has finally faced death, which he has spent all these years running from, and he has confirmed that he has no taste for it.

Anyway that got super off track but tHANK YOU for sharing your thoughts and ideas xo xo xo

#ask tag #anonymous

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rogueclonesftw · 4 years

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hello! i don't know anything about your OC's, but i saw your post. could you perhaps list all of them with a short summary? 🙏🏻💕

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry this took so long to answer. I moved house and it was A Lot. My OCs are legion so for the sake of everyone else’s dashes I’m putting this under a read more

These are just for the clone wars era I’m leaving the rebels out of it

Thanks for asking!! Feel free to ask about anyone if you want to know more.

fair warning this is long af

I’m splitting it into sections to make this easier

Heretics

Jedi

Bela Rant

Togruta Jedi Master and mother Master of four Padawans children. Not a favourite of the Council due to differences in interpretation of the Code. Had an ongoing feud with Qui Gon Jinn that lasted until he died. She died in the war ten years later and Col took over her command.

Alask Racor

Grumpy Twi’lek first Padawan of Bela, had two Padawans of his own but was killed by pirates before the second was knighted.

Reya Meraska

Alask’s first Padawan. A human from Jedha and compassion incarnate. Had an uneventful apprenticeship and grew up to be comparatively quiet compared to the rest.

Ben Edo

Reya’s first and so far only Padawan. The model of a perfect Jedi except for thinking their interpretation of the Code is bullshit. Would have made one hell of a politician if he could stand the Senate. From Dantooine.

Tol Koden

Alask’s second Padawan, a very polite Zabrak. Alask died when he was 17 and Jos took over his training. He and Ben are the same age and were raised basically together.

Jos Vel

Stubborn and opinionated Kiffar. Bela’s second Padawan. Had her own (equally stubborn and opinionated) Padawan and then took over Tol’s training when Alask died.

Harlan Konshi

Jos’s Padawan. Also a Kiffar. Would also make a fine politician because being raised by Jos taught him to argue. He’s a bit of a jackass but in a charming way. Like, he’s a prick but you still like him.

Azaana Tyl

Harlan’s sweet, quiet, shy Togruta Padawan. Jos laughed so hard when she heard about that. Harlan is trying to teach her self-confidence. The baby of the family.

Col Blackmoor

Bela’s third and most disastrous Padawan. The former Temple Problem Child (now Temple Problem Adult). Not that he spends much time in the Temple. Was so far out on the Outer Rim he didn’t find out there was a war on until he had to come back and take over Bela’s legion. The worst case of ADHD the Temple has ever seen.

Lena Sola

Col took her in after an incident with her former Master almost saw her kicked out of the Order. Col intervened. She’s still uncomfortable around most Jedi, but they’re working on it. Sweet kid. Kage.

Aden Jadus

Bela’s final Padawan, knighted just before Geonosis. Yes, she’s from Tatooine. No, that does not mean she knows Skywalker. Stop asking.

Not-Jedi

Vale

The oldest of the bunch, Reya’s Commander. Has enough Big Dad Energy to build a deck at 20 paces. Meat grills in his presence and the shinies all fear his disappointed frown.

Nill

Jos’s Commander. Deeply claustrophobic. A nice, likeable guy unless you piss him off. Caffeine demon.

Jax

Clone Commander and Col Wrangler in Chief, Col regards his Commander with barely disguised awe. He considers him his closest friend. For his part, Jax thinks similarly highly of Col. He likes to draw when he gets spare time (rarely). Grew up with Sonny and Cody. Very protective of Lena.

Crater

Professional Ray of Sunshine, the exact opposite of his twin. Crater and Crash grew up with Wolffe. Crater was assigned to Ben, and he likes his General, really, but the man never sleeps. It’s starting to stress him out.

Click

Professional Salt Mine assigned to the Galaxy’s Politest Jedi because apparently the GAR runs on irony. Makes Wolffe look like a ray of happy, happy sunshine.

Pip

The perpetual optimist to Aden’s incredible pessimist. Remains stubbornly cheerful by choice, because if he doesn’t laugh he doesn’t think he’ll ever stop crying.

Dexter

Professional Grouchy Bastard. Likes Harlan well enough but will absolutely tell him he’s full of shit. If Azaana likes you, Dexter will tolerate your existence. If you make Azaana sad they will never find your body. A training accident left him with scars and a deep growl in his voice that makes him sound angrier than he is.

Stitch

Col’s CMO and the only person Jax legitimately fears. Deeply wishes his siblings and General would get injured less and look after themselves more. Is willing to enforce this with sedatives.

Zip

The Right Hand of God (Stitch’s second in command). He who wields the big needles.

Layne

Cheerful but stressed Captain of a company of reckless idiots who really should know better but apparently don’t. He should be used to it. He grew up with Rex.

Trip and Tap

Two survivors of Krell reassigned to Col. Tap has a nervous habit of tapping his fingers. Trip can trip over thin air.

Jazz, Snap and Void

A trio. Jazz likes to wander off. Void likes to hide. Snap likes to complain they’re giving him grey hair from the stress of having them disappearing all the time.

Ray and Rico

The product of an embryo that split, Ray and Rico lived in fear of being culled as defects on Kamino. They’ve since left Kamino, but the fear hasn’t left them.

Lys

A tired medic who would like Dexter to drink something that isn’t caf please.

Tyke

The medic with the most agreeable Jedi (Tol). He barely has to bully him into seeking medical attention at all. Such a shame that his Commander seems determined to make up for it by being a complete bastard. If Click wants to get tackled in the hallway, that’s his lookout.

Rill

Has a particular interest in medical research. Or he would if he ever had the time.

Corrie

The youngest CMO in the GAR. Just barely 18, only on the field for six months and never meant to be CMO at all. But she’s the only medic Pip’s got left after that clusterfuck, so they’re all doing their best. She might be young but she will absolutely yell at a commander you see if she doesn’t.

New Dawn Crew

Not-Clones

Mira Vin

A female Kiffar former Jedi whose Master died on Geonosis. The Council were going to knight her and make her a General, so she told Windu to stick it up his ass and ran away to the Outer Rim to harass slavers and save “defective” clones.

Kell Vekarr

An Alderaanian former Jedi who was rescued from slavers as a child. Finally took the 20 remaining members of his command and ran when the rest were killed over Ando. Jaster’s boyfriend. Autistic.

Jaster Toran

True Mandalorian bounty hunter who was betrayed by a client and sold into slavery. Joined the crew upon his rescue four years later. Kell’s boyfriend. Autistic.

Riye Toran

Jaster’s older sister who joined the crew to look for him and then stuck around because she liked it there.

Volya’tar

Twi’lek former slave who freed herself and stole a ship. Pilot, mechanic and Mira’s best friend.

Pash Colton

Dyspraxic dyslexic Corellian with more brains than sense. An engineering genius who has wisdom as his dump stat. Also sometimes a smuggler.

Jaina Bell

Tiny and terrifying. Orphaned at a young age and grew up to be a smuggler, mechanic and pilot.

Ela

Nonbinary Lorrdian. Has a long horrendous Lorrdian name they never use. Joined the crew because slavers suck and anything that makes their lives difficult is a good thing. Stuck around for the people.

Black Company

Halcyon

An ARC Captain known for his green hair and endless patience. Considers Kell a close friend but calls him Commander regardless. Used to fight Rex a lot as a kid. Please let this man rest.

Bones

Halcyon’s batchmate and Black Company’s CMO. A cranky bugger, but that’s understandable considering what he deals with daily.

Pax

The peacemaker between his idiot brothers and everyone else for as long as they can remember. A chill guy, but even chill guys have limits.

Tracyn and Carud

Two of the Nightmare Children. Their names are fire and smoke and they cause a lot of both, raising Pax’s blood pressure and driving Bones into apoplectic rage.

Isa

Jaro’s long suffering sister. Usually has to track him down to make him go to sleep. Has a weekly commiseration session with Ari (alcohol optional but recommended).

Jaro

Named for the Mando’a word for reckless and boy howdy is it accurate. The ADHD doesn’t help.

Ari

Rio’s batchmate and she loves her brother dearly but she is so done with his shit.

Rio

The last of the original Nightmare Children, ADHD disaster and source of most of Bones’s workload.

Kee and Jam

Nonbinary comms officers who bicker very cheerfully. Usually with each other. Often at high volume through the halls of the ship.

Torin

Gay artist baby.

Kol

Gay artist bastard.

Charly

Honestly he’s just here for a laugh and his brothers respect him for it. You’ve got to find your joy where you can get it these days.

Dys

Takes great delight in moving Set’s things just a couple of centimetres. Just enough to annoy him. Will deck anyone else who tries the same thing.

Set

Also known as Corporal Square Corners. Everything has to be neat and tidy. He was a godsend before inspections. Now he’s just the reason people have somewhere to sit.

Slip

Known for giving his trainers the slip and disappearing into the bowels of Kamino when they were doing training exercises he didn’t like and then getting stuck and having to be retrieved by Chase.

Chase

More like chase-ing his brother through the halls of Kamino to keep him out of trouble. There’s a running joke that he should have ended up in search and rescue.

Bright

Was he named for his bright red hair or as an ironic comment on his general outlook on life? Who knows? Not him. A pessimist if there ever was one.

Impulse

Full name Have-You-Ever-Heard-Of-Impulse-Control and no, he hasn’t.

Cuyan Squad

Sonny

A naturally blond, autistic, Force-sensitive Commander who survived Kamino by the skin of his teeth. Grew up with Cody and Jax. Hyper efficient Can, will and has broken people’s faces for saying shit about the Coruscant Guard.

Zak

Force-sensitive Captain who despises soup and has incredible claustrophobia. Good with kids though. Autistic.

Force-sensitive autistic Lieutenant. Quieter than Zak, and fully supports his vendetta against soup. Has his own vendetta against food that stabs you in the mouth.

Bang

Force-sensitive bomb-tech. Partially deafened in an explosion which also gave him some pretty intense scarring. Gets nervous when he can’t see people behind him.

Bit

Force-sensitive techie with a penchant for weapons modification and data slicing. Gives the best hugs in the squad.

Tink

If it’s broken Tink can fix it. The resident ADHD Force-sensitive techie. Has a tendency to hyperfocus on projects to the exclusion of all else.

Flow

De facto squad medic because he’s the best at Force-healing of the lot of them. He does not appreciate this, this is not what he trained for, you’re voiding his warranty, vode please. Dyed his hair purple because he could.

Edge

Thrill seeker with electric blue hair and boundless energy. The ADHD doesn’t help with the fidgeting, but he likes to go fast so Force-augmented speed is pretty great.

Ry and Cas

True twins born from the same tube, they’re the Fred and George Weasley of clones. They’ve got the red hair and everything. Judicious use of the Force makes pranks far easier.

Other

Caj, Chess and Blade

The brothers in charge of the homebrew alcohol. The taste is a work in progress, but the last batch didn’t make anyone go blind.

Rictor and Sike

Survivors of Krell who deal with their trauma in very different ways. Rictor is terrified of authority in case they turn out like Krell. Sike figures if he survived that he can survive anything and mouths off constantly.

Kano and Oly

Batchmates who were reconditioned separately (for nightmares and injury, respectively) and reunited upon Kano’s rescue. Oly had been with the crew for months by then. They both cried.

Sitrep, Conn and Sig

Three more nonbinary comms officers. A cheerful bunch who like to argue. Usually with each other. The problems started when they started arguing with their General.

Aran, Orar and Tay

Three heavy gunners who fight TJ a lot because the little twerp is asking for it (literally). Tay is relentlessly cheerful, Aran the exact opposite, and you’re lucky to get three words out of Orar in a row.

Ani, Mirdir and Dajun

Techies and mechanics who prefer wires to people. Mirdir and Dajun have known each other since birth and bicker a lot. Ani mostly ignores them.

Dane

A captain who finally snapped and told his General where he could stick his suicidal orders.

Sprint

Full name Slow-Down-There’s-No-Need-To-Sprint, a six foot ball of energy and barely contained enthusiasm. Usually found hurtling around the place at ludicrous speeds.

Crash

An anxious, autistic pilot who has never crashed his ship. He has, however, crashed himself into doors, siblings, training sergeants.

Rainer

A really chill guy who got shipped off for being too violent after a misunderstanding about a sparring match. TJ’s favourite sparring partner.

Likes to fight, does not care if his opponent could physically snap him in half. Sometimes he just has to beat his brain into submission via getting the crap beaten out of his body. Usually succeeds in provoking the heavy gunners into fighting him.

Zero

TJ’s perpetually worried brother. Really wishes TJ would chill. Dyslexic and has a recurring leg injury that won’t heal. Gets bored easily.

Brook and Storm

A pair of total nerds who get so engrossed in arguing that they don’t realise they’re about to walk into a tree. Frequently wander off and have to be returned.

Jai, Tala, Teek, Niko and Galaar

Five ARCs who got sent back to Kamino for telling their General to go kriff himself. Jai is Force-sensitive. Galaar is just a prick with a terrible sense of humour.

#zay answers #my ocs #oc masterlist #i will update the actual masterlists at some point but for now this'll di #please feel free to ask questions about my babies

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bowiebond · 7 years

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Uma x Reader - Childish Love

Requested: Yesss I'm gay af for Uma and I saw that you've started doing xfem!readers so I'd like to request a onehsot where reader is a childhood friend of Uma's who has always messed with her and generally driven her crazy but is highkey head over heels for her?

Warning: Swearing, almost drowning. ~~~

“Uma~!” You sang as you came into the chip shop, skipping to an imaginary beat as you suddenly hoisted yourself up fluidly to sit on the table right where she was coming out with trays of food. “How’s my dear friend?” You grinned.

“I am not your friend. Not today at least.” Uma growled, braids dyed burnt orange.

“Aw, come on Uma. I had to try it out on you!”

“Before what?” Uma glowered, shoving a tray of food towards a customer angrily.

“Before nothing. It’s so we can match.” You pulled off your pirate hat to let your hair fall out and show the burnt orange locks. “It’s temporary, but I thought we’d be super cute like this.” You winked her way as she grumbled under her breath, turning away from your sight to hide her burning face.

“I’m still pissed.”

“Well, I have to mess with something, Uma.” You smiled fondly at her. You two had been friends since diapers, even before Harry and Gil. You never knew your parents, but you were adopted by a lion of Scars pride. You adored your adoptive mother and the freedom she gave you.

Since the diaper days, you enjoyed messing with Uma. It was never public humiliation like Mal, but it was things you knew would annoy her, but she’d forgive you for

Like singing off key, braiding her braids when she was distracted so they tangled, and it took her a few hours to undo them, coating the desk of her ship with wax so her crew members would slip, dying her hair and poking fun as her until even she laughed.

It was fun messing with Uma. If you didn’t, she didn’t give your desired amount of attention. Which basically meant most of her attention.

“Uma.” You poked her shoulder as she washed dishes after the shop had closed. “Uma.” You poked her again. “Uma, stop ignoring me, your hair looks fine.” You whined.

“If you’re going to stick around, why don’t you help with the dishes before my mother notices I’m ‘slacking off’.” Uma snapped. You pursed your lips, knowing that topic was sensitive.

“Okay… Pass me a rag. You can dry.” You could see how red her hands were getting from the water temperature and nudged her aside with your hip, giving a playful grin. She rolled her eyes at you, taking a tee-towel and drying the dishes she had already washed.

You didn’t mind the boiling water. You figured it was trait you got from your parents. You weren’t affected much by temperature. You two spent the next hour in silence, working together. It was times like this Uma enjoyed. The soft quiet between you two that was anxious or overbearing or even intimidating. It was comforting, and it made her feel a rare moment of peace.

You really were her best friend in that aspect.

“Thanks for helping, (Y/N).” Uma smiled softly. “Most people can barely stand the water.”

“It’s cool. It means I can do this.” You collected a small piece of white foam and made a moustache on your face. “Oui oui and bonjour.” You weren’t exactly fluent, but you beamed when Uma laughed.

“You’re an idiot.” Uma’s voice was affectionate though as she said it.

“I’m your favourite idiot though, aren’t I?” You nudged her with a grin.

“Yeah, you are.”

You didn’t want to think of the day that you weren’t her favourite idiot.

~~~

“I can’t believe you!”

“What? It was just a joke – “

“My entire crew was watching! You completely made a fool of me!” Uma screeched as you flinched.

“Uma, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take it so far – “

“It’s not the taking it too far, (Y/N), it’s that you’re an idiot who can’t read a situation and impact of your actions.” Uma stormed off the ship, wet teal braids jumping with every angry stomp.

“Well, well, ye finally pushed the limit, didn’t ye lass?” Harry giggled at your despair, wrapping a lock of your hair around his hook. “This is why I’m first mate, and ye ain’t even a part of the crew.” He grinned, wide and prideful as you pushed him away with a huff and ran after the sea witch. “I’ll make sure to make ye a coffin, sweetie!” Harry called after you, only making your mood darker than previous.

You were heartbroken. Had you really messed everything up with just a bucket of water? Maybe it was too much like the shrimp incident? Dammit, you had messed up everything!

You couldn’t find Uma in the chip shop, and she obviously wasn’t on the ship, so you went to the one place she could be.

“Uma!” You called out towards the water, barely touching the raising shoreline. You had been taught from a young age to not go near water. Your mother was a feline after all.

“Go away.” Uma’s head barely popped above the surface as she addressed you.

“No. I came to say sorry. Please, Uma, let’s not break our friendship over something this petty.” You didn’t want to lose her. You needed Uma in your life.

“Well, I’m the Queen of pettiness, so piss off.” Uma growled.

“Please, Uma…” You swallowed down your nerves, stepping into the water and slowly making your way to her.

“What are you doing?” Uma’s voice rose in panic.

“Uma, I didn’t mean to humiliate you, I would never do it deliberately, you’re my best friend.” The water slowly rose to soak your pants, reaching your waist.

“(Y/N), you can’t swim, what are you doing –?”

“And I know I’m a pretty crappy friend, I drive you crazy and it’s probably not even funny anymore, but I like when you’re paying attention to me.” You shuddered at the cold water lapping at your shoulders.

“Yeah, well I’m paying attention now, so get out of the water!”

“Not until you understand that I like you!” You snapped right back at her order, tilting your head back on your tippy toes as you almost reached her, water tickling your ears.

“We’re best friends, you idiot! Of course, I like you, and I forgive you, just get out of the water before you drown!” You screwed your eyes shut, going for gold.

“I don’t mean friends, Uma! I know the Isle’s not the perfect place, but you promised me Auradon one day. I wanted to wait for that day, but I’m impatient and reckless, so yeah. I like you, Uma.”

“I don’t get you…” Uma shook her head with a sigh. “If we aren’t friends, then what do you want? I offered you a spot on the crew – “

“I love you, you idiot!” You laughed, begging the tears to stay in your eyes as you stared up at the sky that looked at grey as your heart, trying to stay afloat. “You can leave me to drown now if you want, but…I had to say something, Uma.”

“You…You idiot.” You yelped when you suddenly felt arms around you, knocking you off balance as Uma brought you back to shore. You shifted at the uncomfortable feeling of sand sticking to your backside, but paused when Uma started laughing above you.

“What?”

“You are so childish.” She buried her face in your shoulder, shoulders shaking with amusement. “You could have just told me.”

“I was scared.”

“You were scared to admit you liked me, but you can go drown just fine? You are so childish.” You pouted, crossing your arms at her teasing.

“I wanted it to be special. When we were finally in Auradon and everything would be…okay, you know?”

“Oh, it was very special. I love having to save my girlfriend from drowning.” Uma drawled.

“G-Girlfriend? Really?”

“Yes, really. As long as you stop humiliating me in front of my crew! And outside of them would be nice too…”

“Not a chance on that last part!” You tackled her in a hug, uncaring of the itchy sand sticking to your skin as you squeezed her midriff. “I love you.” You cooed.

“Ugh, sickening…” Uma grumbled. “Say it again.” She ordered when you went quiet.

“I love you.” A smile crawled up your face. “I love you.” You tilted your head up with a smirk. “I love you, Uma.” You pressed a kiss to her lips, soft and gentle and tasting like salty sea water, but you’d live. “Do you love me?” You hummed, enjoying the red tint on her dark skin.

“Shut up and get off me. You’re heavy.” Uma muttered, pushing you off as she stood. You shrugged to yourself.

You could take that as a yes.

#uma x reader #descendants #descendants 2 #uma descendants #x reader #fanfiction

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useyourrwords · 6 years

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Book Review // All Out – History Has Never Been as Straight As You Think

Details Title: All Out: The No-Longer-Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout The Ages Edited By: Saundra Mitchell Authors: Saundra Mitchell, Anna-Marie McLemore, Natalie C. Parker, Nilah Magruder, Mackenzi Lee, Robin Talley, Malinda Lo, Dahlia Adler, Kate Scelsa, Elliot Wake, Scott Tracey, Tess Sharpe, Alex Sanchez, Kody Keplinger, Sara Farizan, Tessa Gratton, Shaun David Hutchinson, Tehlor Kay Mejia Publisher: Harlequin Teen Age: YA Genre: Anthology, Historical, Fantasy Released: February 27, 2018 Trigger Warnings: I don’t have any because I read this so long ago before I decided I needed to start making an actual effort at TWs. Likely there was homophobia, transphobia (I think in Every Shade of Red??? Maybe???) Representation*: OMG, so much!! I will include rep for each story as I go! But safe to say this is heavy gay, I love it.

Synopsis**: Take a journey through time and genres and discover a past where queer figures live, love and shape the world around them. Seventeen of the best young adult authors across the queer spectrum have come together to create a collection of beautifully written diverse historical fiction for teens. From a retelling of Little Red Riding Hood set in war-torn 1870s Mexico featuring a transgender soldier, to two girls falling in love while mourning the death of Kurt Cobain, forbidden love in a sixteenth-century Spanish convent or an asexual girl discovering her identity amid the 1970s roller-disco scene, All Out tells a diverse range of stories across cultures, time periods and identities, shedding light on an area of history often ignored or forgotten.

This anthology is goddamn important.

If we must lie to the world to be true to our hearts, then we would.

All Out is an anthology written by LGBTQIAP+ authors for LGBTQIAP+ readers.

Historical fiction has long been monopolized by straight people. Often this is explained away as being historically accurate as if we queers haven’t always existed.

Sorry to burst your bubble but yes, we have always existed y’all just like to call us ‘very close friends’ or erase people’s bisexuality because they were in a m/f romance at some point.

Now the gays are staking their claim on their own history and I could not be more excited.

We had done this: Robin’s lost boys and lost girls, the children society had thrown away. We’d woven together a family of orphans and outcasts and exiles. Not one of us shared blood. Not one of us would balk at spilling our own blood for a brother or sister.

This anthology was so damn enjoyable that I didn’t want to put it down.

Honestly, I just couldn’t wait for Elliot Wake’s story because I am trash for his writing but there were so many great stories in here that I didn’t even mind the wait!

Stories that are so good they are worth buying this whole anthology for just them alone are;

Roja by Anna-Marie McLemore Burnt Ember by Mackenzie Lee Molly’s Lips by Dahlia Adler The Coven by Kate Scelsa Every Shade of Red by Elliot Wake Willows by Scott Tracey Three Witches by Tessa Gratton Healing Rosa by Tehlor Kay Mejia

That was how Léon and I left them, both of us showing hearts so fierce these men considered them knives. We left them with the salt-sting memory of us, a brazen girl, and a boy with a heart so fearless wolves were his guardian saints.

││Roja│Anna-Marie McLemore│El Bajio, México, 1870│★★★★★│f/m, trans love interest, Latinx MC│

Roja follows a burja as she works to free her love from imprisonment.

This story was so beautiful and every time I read one of Anna-Marie McLemore’s stories in an anthology I am reminded that I need to read one of her books.

I love magical realism and more than that, I love playing with the idea of cursed families and anger; how to use it and not let it destroy you.

This story starts the whole book out strong.

│The Sweet Trade│Natalie C. Parker│Virginia Colony, 1717│3.5★‘s│w/w│

The Sweet Trade follows Clara and Pearl as the both escape their husband/husband-to-be in search of adventure as pirates.

This was really cute and had me laughing within the first sentence, unfortunately, that was all it was for me and I wanted something deeper.

│And They Don’t Kiss At The End│Nilah Magruder│Maryland, 1976│3.5★’s│m/f, ace & black MC, Filipino love interest│

In the time of disco and rollerblades, Dee starts her journey of self-discovery when she questions her sexuality.

This was cute, and Dee’s inner monologue as she’s trying to work out her thoughts and feelings was really accurate, I thought.

Having had a similar conversation with myself before realizing that no, I’m not quite ace but maybe in the grey-ace area, I found this story authentic but really short. I guess I just wanted more.

“I am the boy most accomplished at not becoming distracted by the first naked woman we draw. Which is something, I suppose.”

││Burnt Ember│Mackenzie Lee│Netherlands, Amsterdam, 1638│★★★★│m/m│

Burnt Ember shares the story of a budding painter who has no difficulties painting nude subjects until one of the subjects is his crush, an ex-classmate.

I love Mackenzie Lee’s sense of humour so much!

Just the awkward and cringey conversations a young person can have with their crush when their flustered and overwhelmed.

This was hella cute!

│The Dresser & The Chambermaid│Robin Talley│Kensington Palace, September 1726│★★★ │w/w│

Chambermaid Susannah is very frustrated with the new Dresser Mary who seems to have no idea what her job does and doesn’t include. This story follows these two girls as they learn from each other how to do regal hair and how to fall in love.

This was cute but boring. It felt like it went far longer than the story needed.

I don’t know, this just didn’t do it for me.

│New Year│Malinda Lo│San Francisco-January 21, 1955│★★★│No Romance, Chinese-American sapphic MC, drag/trans side character│

Lily is super intrigued by the queer scene of San Francisco, especially a certain someone who catches her eye at her friend’s family restaurant.

Uhhhhh, I kinda can’t really tell you much about this one because it was a little forgettable for me.

I remember it feeling disjointed and that I couldn’t get into it and not much else.

“He has a daughter now,” she’d said so many times, tracing glossy magazine photos of Frances Bean with her finger and a wistful sigh that told me she would’ve given anything to trade place with the blond infant. “He’ll fix himself for her. Watch.” I watched. It broke my fucking heart.

││Molly’s Lips│Dahlia Adler│Seattle— April 10, 1994│★★★★★│w/w│

Molly’s Lips follows Annabelle as she and her best friend Molly celebrate Kurt Cobain’s life and mourn his death and shows us how, in grief, we can remember the important things in life, like showing our love for one another.

THIS WAS SO CUTE I CAN’T DEAL!

I loved it, it was heart wrenching and beautiful and their friendship was so pure and god this was wonderful.

I had been planning on trying to kiss Vivie for a month at this point. The idea occurred to me one day and then I just decided that I would do it. I was simply taking my time. I watched the other women in the cafe with jealousy—the girls who held hands and wore pants and didn’t seem to care what anyone thought. I wanted to say to Vivie “We are like them,” but what we had felt like a magic spell that I was afraid to break.

││The Coven│Kate Scelsa│Paris, 1924│★★★★★│w/w, Neurodiversity│

The Coven follows Dean as her best friend Vivie seeks to become the next great writer and Dean seeks to clear her brain of the fog and maybe get a kiss from Vivie too.

I really liked this, I identified with Dean when it came to brain fog as someone who has battled mental illness and FMS which makes brain fog a regular visitor.

I love the whole witchy lesbian vibes this story was giving.

Forty lashes, but forty-five marks on that boy’s back—five of which were mine. As I watched him writhe I could still feel his taut muscles moving against my skin, smell the salt and sea musk of his sweat. My father had said, “If it happens again, I will kill him.” Then you may as well kill me, too, I’d screamed with my hands, stabbing my finger at my own heart.

││Every Shade of Red│Elliot Wake│England, Late Fourteenth Century│★★★★★│m/m, deaf MC, trans love interest, queer POC cast (w/w, ace)│

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Every Shade of Red is the diverse af retelling of Robin Hood we all deserve.

No seriously. I loved it. I loved it so much I didn’t want it to end and certainly not like that.

This story broke my heart but was so gentle with it up until the drop. It was just so damn beautiful.

I loved every single thing about it, from Trans Robin, deaf Will and a band of queer misfits making a family and home from themselves because they ones they were born into refuse to accept them for who they are.

Elliot Wake, you are cruel but also can you write a whole book dedicated to this story??? Seriously, I need more of it NOW!

Sebastian said nothing. Some thought the blacksmith’s boy simple, but it was just that he chose his words with a sharp-eyed precision. Each was a precious gift he was loath to give away. In some ways, it reminded Benjamin of Mariot, of the way she would wrap up her thoughts and tuck her words into her pockets, only sharing what she could bear to part with.

││ Willows│Scott Tracey│Southwyck Bay, Massachusetts, 1732│★★★★│m/m, enby/gender fluid MC??│

Willows follows Benjamin who can remember his past selves in a town where anyone with unnatural abilities is thrown off a cliff.

Guys this one is so fucking weird and yet??? I really liked it.

Don’t get me wrong, I had no idea what was happening or how the magical?? element in this story worked for 90% of the time and yet I didn’t care because I was pulled in straight away and wanted to understand.

Curiosity will be the death of me, honestly.

│The Girl With The Blue Lantern│Tess Sharpe│Northern California, 1849│3.5★‘s│w/w│

A girl takes an ill-advised walk into the forest and meets a wood- sprite who can help her survive the winter until the wood-sprite wants something in return.

So ummm, this is another one I don’t really remember and this is exactly why I should write reviews within a week of reading the damn book but ya girl is behind, man.

I think it was cute and the writing was pretty??

I just don’t really remember a whole lot which is probably not a good sign for my enjoyment of it.

│The Secret Life of a Teenage Boy│Alex Sanchez│Tidewater, Virginia, 1969│2.5★‘s│m/m MC, Cuban love interest│

The Secret Life of a Teenage Boy follows a boy as he toys with the idea of taking off with an older guy, (ADULT!) to avoid telling his much-loved family that he’s gay, so he can live his truth.

Hmmmmm nope. I just can’t guys, I really can’t.

I know that it’s quite common of LGBT+ kids to venture out with older people when discovering their sexuality for the first time but I can’t with the adults being interested in children.

I get it, there’s not that big of an age gap except they’re both in completely different stages of their lives and with different maturity levels and I hate it.

Also the entire time I was getting serial killer vibes because this is exactly how every cautionary tale of a boy who goes missing after running away with an adult man begins.

Every single one of them, and do you know how they end??? With the boy dead.

I will admit that I really loved the MC’s relationship with his sister and how she was encouraging of him to be who he truly is but girl, don’t encourage him to go with the possible serial killer, your mum is right to be wary.

│Walking After Midnight│Kody Keplinger│Upstate New York, 1952│3.5★‘s│w/w, demi MC??│

Walking After Midnight follows Betsy, a teenage actress that can’t help feeling washed-up and passed her prime already as she takes a night stroll with Laura, a waitress at a small town diner.

This was cute and all but also kinda meh.

Like enjoyed their conversation but I also could have done with more of just about everything.

│The End of the World As We Know It│Sara Farizan│Massachusetts, 1999│★★★★│w/w, Turkish MC│

The End of the World As We Know It follows two ex-best friends as they become reacquainted when facing the end of times.

I loved this story, it was so cute and fluffy but also didn’t shy away from showing the dynamics of female friendship and how it can turn south.

The Holy Mother was a virgin who never knew any man, and so is Violante. She prays, she knows the ecstasy of love and longing, desire, and the pure, perfect happiness of hands-on hands, lips on lips, the breeze of fluttered lashes. Yet she has never known any man. Is that not perfect love?

││Three Witches│Tessa Gratton│Kingdom of Castile, 1519│★★★★★│w/w│

Three Witches follows a girl who has been sent off to a conversion therapy facility by her own brother for her love of women, and the nun who nurses her back to health.

Read this and try and tell me you are not changed by the end of it.

I finished this feeling so many things most of which were a mixture of hopeful and broken.

Ugh, I don’t know how to put into words how beautiful this story is????

I just loved it so much.

This book hit the nail on the head when it comes to questioning how something everyone tells you is wrong and is a sin can be a part of who you are, something that you cannot change no matter how much you want it to, or try to pray it away.

│The Inferno & The Butterfly│Shaun David Hutchinson│London, 1839│3.5★‘s│m/m│

The Inferno & The Butterfly follows two magician’s assistants as they work to set each other free.

This was good, I just didn’t really connect to it that much and felt kinda meh about it by the end.

“What does it matter if he understands? You’ll be alive! We’ll be together!” “I’m all he has,” she said, and her tone told me her decision had been made. “So you’ll die? You’ll die so he doesn’t have to face his own prejudice?” Her eyes filled with tears, and I hated myself for them. “He’s my father. I’m sorry.” she turned away. She ran. She didn’t look back.

││Healing Rosa│Tehlor Kay Mejia│Luna County, New Mexico, 1933│★★★★★│w/w, Latinx MC│

Healing Rosa follows a Bruja who learned the craft from her grandmother and now must use her gift to save the love of her life. Except that the father of her love refuses to let her help, putting his own daughter’s life at risk.

I loved this story so fucking much.

This story reminded me of all the healing women in my family and how fucking frustrating it can be to not be allowed to just help someone, especially someone you love, because of another person’s biases and prejudices.

I just- It’s just-. Ugh. It’s beautiful and heart-wrenching. Go read it.

We lived. We survived to whisper our names to each other even if we could not yet confess them to anyone else.

As a whole, I really enjoyed this anthology! Like a lot, but I already knew that would be the case.

If you’re craving queer stories, want to see queer people in history, want to read something incredibly diverse, or just want a really good anthology, I beg you to pick this up. It shares both the heartbreaking and hopeful stories of LGBT+ youth throughout history.

My only complaint was that the settings were only in America and Europe and like, us gays are everywhere, man. I wish this collection had reflected that. I also wish there had been more stories from further back in history. I want gay stories from as far back as humanity existed!

“That is the secret to survival. Teach fear to those who taught you to be afraid.”

Where to buy │Goodreads│Book Depository│Kindle│***

Representation will be an amalgamation of Nadia’s, Elise’s & Destiny’s reviews because, again, this was before I really tried to take proper notes during reading. Taken from Goodreads. If you would like me to include links to purchase books from a specific store in my reviews please let me know! I receive a small commission off the following link

I read this book as part of my 2018 Library Love binge, where I read as many library books as possible to take advantage of my great local library network! To follow my binge reading adventure just visit my 2018 Library Love shelf. Or I’ll also be updating my 2018 Library Love Blog Post as I go!

Have you read All Out? What did you think of it? What’s your favourite anthology?

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christinamirabilis · 7 years

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ask meme for the lols cos i’m sick and sad and feeling sorry for myself

Sunrise or sunset? Sunrise

Are you mentally ill? Like, I have a mental illness, but I’m not ill.

Are you physically ill? I have a nasty cold right now.

What is the most expensive thing you have bought? Either my scooter or the electric piano I used to have, they cost roughly the same I think.

Do you have a job? Yes I work in a bookstore.

Are you in school? I’m at university.

Are you a dropout? I have dropped out of university in the past.

Are you in college? I’m at university.

Introvert or extrovert? Most of the time I think I’m an introvert but then occasionally I wonder if I might be an ambivert but honestly it doesn’t really matter.

What do you think when you look at your body? Gross but nice titties.

What have others said when they look at your body? Nice titties.

Do you have a particular song that you feel deeply? Quite a few, but Goodbye by Apparat ft. Soap & Skin always makes me feel things, and usually not in a good way, I associate it pretty strongly with my suicide attempt in 2013

Talk about a time in your life where you have felt most alive? S and I went dancing at Boogie Wonderland just before it closed down - that was the night of my last choir concert, and we had had dinner with my parents, and we had a few drinks and went out dancing and we were so happy and in love and couldn’t keep our hands off each other.

Are you confident wearing a bikini? Nah but I do it anyway.

Can you look people in the eyes while talking? Mostly, but sometimes I become aware of the fact that it is polite to make eye contact and all of a sudden it feels like a terrible struggle to maintain it.

Has anything terrible happened to you? Everyone has had at least one terrible thing happen to them. I guess the worst thing that has happened to me is that people hurt me when I was very young and that made me unwell.

Has anything wonderful happened to you? I had the chance to become well again and hopefully turn my experiences to good.

Favourite part of your personality? I don’t know, but I do think I am very resilient and reasonably empathetic?

Least favourite part of your personality? Hoo boy where do I start? Probably my lack of motivation/tendency to procrastinate.

Favourite part of your body? Titties.

Least favourite part of your body? Everything that’s not the titties.

Favourite quote? “Last year I abstained / This year I devour / Without guilt / Which is also an art” - Margaret Atwood.

Do you have friendships with all genders? More or less.

Do you have a good relationship with your father? Yeah, it wasn’t good when I was a teenager but it’s good now.

Do you have a good relationship with your mother? Yeah, as above.

Do you have a good relationship with your siblings? As above haha.

Have you ever been hurt physically or mentally by a family member? Yeah lmao.

Have you ever had a near death experience? Two should-be-dead near-death experiences, two could-have-died near-death experiences.

Do you know anyone who has taken their own life? No.

Have you ever tried to take your own life? Five times.

Biggest lie you have told? “No I’m not planning to hurt myself.”

Do you follow any conspiracies? I mean, I don’t know what this question is asking.

Do you believe in a New World Order? I have no idea because I know nothing about it, but the kinds of people that talk about the New World Order are, in my experience, also the type of people who seem to be anti-vaccination and hold generally very unscientific views about the world, so I am very sceptical.

Do you respect your government and the way your country is run? I mean, I guess so, we’re supposed to be one of the least corrupt countries in the world, so I suppose I have little to complain about, but we’ve had a conservative government since 2008 and I feel like everything would be a lot better if they were no longer in power, fingers crossed that Labour get their shit together for the election this year (although I will and always do vote for the Greens).

Is there currently any strife in your country? There’s probably some avocado shortage or something, or, actually, I did read an article this morning about people complaining about bee poop in Whanganui, but that’s it.

Have you ever been displaced within your country? No.

Are your friendships healthy? I would say so.

Are you currently fighting with a friend? Not that I’m aware of.

Are you jealous of a friend? Why? Not currently.

Do you believe in the Illuminati? See the answer to question 34.

Do you think any celebrities are associated with the Illuminati? Who? See the answer to question 34.

How can people tell you are nervous? If i’m either quiet or talking more than usual, fidgety, shaky, stuttering a lot, etc.

How can people tell you are sad? Quiet, withdrawn, tendency to isolate and not really eat.

Do you ever express your true feelings? Whenever I can.

Regrets in your life? Not doing my best to hold on to the love of my life, taking so long to figure out where the fuck my life is going.

Achievements in your life? Not being dead, I did some cool music stuff once, I bought a vegetable last week.

What did people say about you in school? Psycho attention-seeking lesbian but also really smart.

What did you say about people in school? Please do not pay attention to me and let me be psycho in peace also I have never had a gay thought iN MY LIFE

Is there something you have never told anyone? I don’t think so.

Have you committed an illegal act? Of course, who hasn’t? I have jaywalked and pirated and even shoplift a couple of times.

If you had two days to spend one million dollars how would you spend it? Get someone to show me how to buy shares, then buy one million dollars worth of shares. The next day, liquidate it all, chuck it in my bank account, dolla dolla bill y’all! and then get on the first flight to Canada.

What were your aspirations at age 5, 10, 15, 18? Ballerina, novelist, composer, death.

Describe your first kiss? Was it how you imagined? I don’t remember it, I was drunk and then he date raped me.

Growing up were you in a wealthy, average, or low income household? Low income.

Are you from a broken marriage? No, my parents are extremely married.

Have you been raised by a solo parent? As above

Do you know both your parents? As above.

What colour eyes, hair and skin do you have? Blue eyes, purple hair, pale af white skin.

Have you abused drugs or alcohol? Nah.

What languages can you speak? English, some French, a tiny bit of NZSL.

Do you conform to your society’s standards? I live in a very loose-individualistic culture so there really aren’t a lot of standards to conform to. But I am a purple-haired lesbian who is covered in self-harm scars so I guess I’m not the poster child for this society.

Do you cry often? Not usually, but I have cried a lot in the past four months or so.

Do you tell people what you think of them? It depends on whether I like them or not.

Are you comfortable accepting compliments? It depends on the compliment and the person giving the compliment. But I do my best because I know that the person giving the compliment usually means it.

Are you comfortable giving compliments? Yeah, I think people should know their good qualities, plus it costs nothing to bring a little positiveness to someone’s day.

Is any mental illness hindering your life? It doesn’t make it easy, no.

Is any physical illness hindering your life? Right now this cold is stopping me from being comfortable.

Do you keep up with current events? Not really, only things that I passively read or hear about, I’m too sensitive and I just get upset otherwise.

What’s the latest news in the world you have heard/read? People in Whanganui are upset about bee poop.

What have you done today? Very little, because I’m sick - woke up from a nightmare about S, cried because I miss her and I always get stupid emotional when I’m sick, went back to sleep, got up late and had a shower, ate some food and finished watching A Series of Unfortunate Events, went to the supermarket, came home and sat on the couch and started watching Legion, and that’s pretty much it.

Do you sleep well? Normally, if I take all my meds - prazosin to stop most of the nightmares, magnesium for muscle relaxation, helps sleeping oh my god I feel like everyone should take it because it’s amazing.

Do you sleep badly? I mean, like, the answer to the previous question probably answers this one.

Have you ever hurt anyone because you were hurting? Yeah and I regret it every day. But the person I hurt and I are on good terms and they’ve forgiven me for it, so that’s nice. I used to do stuff like that when I was 19 and really unwell, in residential treatment, but I haven’t done it since then, so it was a pretty nasty realisation that I had done that, but I guess it was a measure of just how unbearably I was hurting, and just how much I loved the person who was the cause of the hurt.

Has anyone ever hurt you because they were hurting? Yeah.

Have you ever had to end a friendship/relationship? Why? I had to end a friendship with someone because they were really frickin awful and told me that I didn’t deserve access to the rape crisis service that helped me deal with my sexual abuse trauma (that this person knew about) as much as they did, because they’re trans, and that to not admit that my sexual abuse was somehow not as bad as theirs was transphobic. So, yeah, you can see why I ended that relationship, although this person still probably feels like the wronged party - I don’t know, though, I haven’t spoken to them in two years, and honestly I have never missed them even a little bit because they were extremely hard work to be friends with, one of the most self-absorbed people I’ve ever had the displeasure of knowing.

Have you ever stopped someone from hurting themselves? Yeah.

Has anyone ever stopped you from hurting yourself? Haha, yes.

Do you like your laugh? I think it’s kind of ugly although I don’t really think about it much, but I’ve heard from others that it’s cute so idk.

Are you preparing for an apocalypse? And what kind? No, I plan to just let it happen and lie down on the ground with a paper bag over my head, Hitchhiker’s Guide-style.

Do you have any funny family stories? Not really, my family are boring as fuck.

Are you religious? No.

Do you like to watch true crime shows or movies? I mean, I guess, but they’re certainly not my favourite genre.

Are you interested in cults? I don’t want to BE in a cult, but I do find them very interesting.

Would you like to raise a family in your country? I guess so, my country’s pretty good.

List some things you wanted in your childhood but never got? I honestly can’t think of anything apart from minor material objects that mean nothing and the lack of which had zero impact on my life. I guess, I could have done with a normal childhood in that I never felt secure, always felt scared, and that was down to the sexual abuse that I suffered. If I hadn’t been abused, I would have been able to feel safe, and, like, that would have made a huge difference.

Is there a large age gap between you and a sibling? No, she’s only two and a bit years younger than me.

Are you from a blended family? No.

Do you believe in marriage? Why/Why not? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with marriage. And I don’t take the view that some queer people take that marriage equality is assimilationist - although I do very much agree that it really only benefits middle-class and up white cis queers, because marriage is not something that working-class queers care about when they’re literally just trying to stay alive, so marriage is the least of the problems. But apart from the fact that marriage equality is only a superficial victory in the queer struggle for equality, I do still think that it is a nice, important step, like, it is good for morale in some ways I think. Anyway, that doesn’t answer the question. I think, for myself, I would like to get married. I kind of want all of the things I wanted as a little girl, even though I assumed that it would be with a man - marriage, honeymoon, travelling the world together, raising children together. Things that I wanted, and then thought I would never have when I was convinced that I was going to die, and that nobody would ever love me regardless. And then I learned that I was gay, and I learned that I really did want to be loved, and I did want all those things that little-girl me wanted. But, honestly, that stuff is not important. Getting married is not important, the travelling the world together is not important, even raising children together is not important - what I want, more than anything, is to be with my soulmate and to love and be loved unconditionally. And whatever adventures await us is all I need. That probably sounds cheesy and idealistic but, yeah, I don’t know. That’s just what I want. Unfortunately I still have a pretty concrete, unshakeable belief that S is my soulmate and so yeah, that’s pretty hard, but yeah. We’ll see what the future holds.

What is the nicest thing anyone has said to you? I don’t know what the nicest thing EVER said to me was, but the nicest thing I remember recently was when my kaiako at wānanga told me that I reminded him of a friend of his, someone that is really cool, and that he thought I seemed like a really cool person - he said this to me even though he had only met me a couple of times, and had no reason to say this, and just, yeah, it was really genuine and it made me feel really good.

Do you keep a journal? Not anymore.

Would anyone be hurt by reading it? Not anymore.

Do you have children? No.

Have you been pregnant? Hell no.

List your favourite movies? Nah too hard.

List your favourite people? Nah too many.

Talk about the birthmarks and scars on your body? No birthmarks. I have scars on my arms and my right thigh from self-harm, one under my right eyebrow from an old eyebrow piercing, and one on the bottom of my left foot from when I had a veruca cut out when I was 13.

Do you look after yourself? Lmao no.

Do you put yourself or others first? It depends on the situation, I try my best to do the right thing.

Are you happy today? Not really, I’m sick and I miss S so frickin much.

Are you loved? Yes, but not the way I’d like to be loved.

#lottieface #question thingy

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