#sqwuim rant

[souislide]

Entry no.1

While I don’t have a therapist or any actual diagnosis, I know what I have. I know the symptoms of every single disorder I have. I know that makes me seem like some attention seeking asshat who wants people to notice them and take pity on them. But I’m not like that. I made this tumblr to vent and rant and other things. I don’t want anyone to know how I feel anymore. They’re getting too worried. And I hate it. Because I hate seeing the look they give me whenever I start being super pessimistic. Or the look they give me when I start panicking. My brain is so broken and I want to fix it but I’m scared to tell them. Scared they’ll take everything and everyone I love away from me. I’m scared they’ll take every sharp object I own thinking I have no chill and want to “do something with it” they’re fucking collectibles why would I do anything with beautiful collectible knives.!? I hate that I’m having a panic attack over midterms and the homework. -God it’s so much homework. And I don’t know if it’s due tomorrow. - I wish I could just lay down and be hugged and kissed until I feel better. But that doesent happen. Because this isn’t a drama. Or a fairy tale.

[souislide]

Entry no.2

Do you ever feel like your being watched? I took my hoodie off in the library and it feels like people are just. Staring at me. I feel so exposed.