#srry for swearing so much but i am anger

[crypticthumbs]

steel-flame

(this one has been lying in its own lil folder since march 😬)

[anotheronechicagobog]

Ethan Choi x reader I Love and Lies

written by @anotheronechicagobog​

A/N: Swearing, cheating, jealousy, mention of sex, pregnancy, depression

A/N 2:  Requested by @raveenasblog​ Sorry this took so long, I haven’t been super motivated to write long works for a while.

You sighed as you collapsed back into your chair, the force causing you to wheel backwards into your desk. “Ow, fuck.” You collected yourself before someone from the team saw, they’d never let you live it down. Just in time too, as Hailey burst through your door. “Y/L/N, we need you to run some financials and internet history on a suspect, David Johnson, male, 42, DOB 20th of September 1978.”

“Got it.”

“You okay? You seem down.”

“No, but it’s kind of personal. And not my personal, someone else’s personal. Long story.”

“Oh, well I hope it works out. And if you want to get your mind off it we can go out with Kim for deep dish.”

“Thanks.”

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After Crockett Marcel joined the staff at Gaffney medical centre you not only befriended him quickly, but you had also been trusted with a secret you couldn’t keep. April Sexton cheated on Ethan Choi with Crockett Marcel. Ethan was a tad older than you and a serious navy vet, so you didn’t have a lot to bond on at first. It was when you’d run into each other at your favourite Italian restaurant after you’d both been on god-awful blind dates that your friendship started to bloom. The restaurant had been packed and there wasn’t room for both of you to have a table to yourself. Even though you didn’t know each other well, it seemed like the best question. It became a tradition for you two to meet up after blind dates or setups and decompress. It helped deal with the fact that neither of you had friends good at match-making. 

When you’d caught April at that party your heart broke for one of your best friends. You didn’t know what to do. Ethan was in love with April, above all else, and he wanted to marry her. He’d asked for your and Maggie’s help with ring shopping. You knew that things were a little tense between them, but you’d always thought so highly of April, you never thought that she would do something like this. And to make things more difficult, you were under a bit of a time crunch. You had to tell him soon or he’d be upset that you’d kept it from him. And he had been deployed for two months with no contact. He was coming back in a couple of days and you weren’t sure how to break it to him. You knew that it would be best if April was the one who told him, but she’d told you outright days after it happened that Ethan didn’t need to know. But she was wrong and you knew it.

Ethan deserved to know that the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and have children with ‘accidentally’ kissed someone else. It broke your heart but you had to tell him when he got back.

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He’d been back for three days and still hadn’t seen you. Citing ‘April this’ and ‘April that’. And while you could understand one day, three was suspicious, and you knew that April was trying to keep him away from you. You were furious, how dare she cheat on him and then try to cover it up. 

You’d dropped by med later that day when you texted Ethan and he actually said yes. Apparently April had to work a double so he was free from her clutches. When you arrived at the entrance in your car to pick him up it was quite clear that she was trying to stop him, visibly panicking and grabbing onto him. 

“Ethan are you ready to go?”

“NO! He- He’s not going. He... Is going to work another shift. Or go home. Just... He is NOT going anywhere with you!”

“Why not, April?”

“Because... Because she... She’s in love with you!”

“What?”

“You think I’m what?”

“Yes! She told me at Crockett and Maggie’s party after you left! She said that she was going to try to come between us!”

“I did not say that. I saw April kissing the new doctor, Crockett Marcel, at the party he and Maggie threw. I tried talking to her about it, but she said that she and Marcel didn’t think you needed to know.”

“I can’t believe you Y/N.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard him Y/N.”

“I didn’t say any of that. I don’t love you, Ethan, not romantically at least, she is lying. I know that this is a she said, she said situation. We’ve been so close for so long, I wouldn’t do anything to cause you unnecessary hurt or drama. You have to know that.”

“She accepted my proposal, Y/N, and she’s been trying to warn me for days. I didn’t listen to her because we’ve been friends for so long, but you coming at her with an outright lie just proves she’s right. I can’t believe you would do this.”

“But I didn’t.”

“I don’t believe you. I... I am going to go home, and I think you should stay away from us Y/N.” He stepped beside April, slinging his arm around her waist and staring you down in that cold, navy, disapproving way. It physically hurt your heart and you could feel yourself gasping for breath. 

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You don’t really remember driving to your apartment, but you do remember Ethan not leaving April’s side until you were in your car and driving away. Your body shuddered and convulsed as you tried to muffle your own cries. Ethan had spent weeks searching for the perfect ring, smiled dreamily at the thought of having children with her. It ripped you to pieces that April threw it all away and that Ethan didn’t believe you. After all the years you’d been friends, all the time spent together, and he didn’t trust you. He didn’t hear the wavering and panic in April’s voice, the floundering in her normally collected sentences, and the visible queues that showed she was grasping at straws. 

Three heavy knocks later and Hailey was picking your door lock. You really need to give her a key.  “Y/N how are you? I heard what happened.”

“Seriously? Everyone knows already? I knew that everyone would hear about some variation of what happened, but it hasn’t even been an hour!... Does everyone know?”

“Yes. I heard about it from Mouch when he dropped some lunch off for Platt.”

“Oh my god... Do you believe me?” You must have looked so pathetic, like Bambi asking for his mother. “Yes. I know how much his friendship means to you. And I know that you aren’t in love with him.”

“I’ll take the deep dish pizza now if you don’t mind.”

“Kim’s bringing it. And red velvet cake.”

“You guys are the best.”

“We know, now where did you put the tequila you got from Mexico?”

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Molly’s had become your favourite pub since you first got the job of ‘thank the heavens that Ruzek doesn’t have to do tech stuff anymore’ in intelligence. The drinks were good, the food was good, and the staff was always friendly. Since your confrontation with Ethan and April, you’d avoided going. Any time you’d seen Sylvie and Emily at spin class they shot you awkward glances and actually asked you what you thought about the weather. While they’d stumbled through an explanation that they weren’t taking sides you just wished a hole would open up underneath you. You stuck close to Kim after that. Med as a whole was a mess of hatred and anger towards you. Apparently Doris had even gathered some nurses together to refuse to treat you if you ever came in. And they were always making snappy comments to the rest of the intelligence unit whenever they had to be there, and Jay got into a fight with Ethan. You’d apologized profusely to your team but they would hear none of it, they believed you.

It had been three months and you were feeling so lonely and depressed. You’d lost over half of your friends in one day, you were isolated and exhausted. You worked long hours and had no one to decompress with, Trudy was still setting you up on terrible blind dates, and while you’d been eating there by yourself since Ethan and April started dating, being alone and feeling alone were two different things. Now you were in a rut. Just floating through existence. And you didn’t hate it. You didn’t feel anything actually, and while it didn’t scare you, it did scare your remaining friends.

You would see a therapist, but because American medical coverage is so screwed up your insurance only approves doctors from MED unless it’s an emergency and MED isn’t the closest hospital. So despite the fact that all your co-workers were on edge worrying about your mental health and how it affects the rest of your well-being, they couldn’t pressure or push you into getting help because there were some doctors and nurses who had outright said they wouldn’t help you. No matter how scared they got or how tempting jumping off a building sounded to you. 

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Someone was banging at your door. At three in the morning. If this had happened four months ago you’d be grabbing your bat. Now, you were too tired to give a fuck. The knocking was staggered, in rhythm and noise level. So whoever was on the other side of that door was probably drunk out of their mind. You went a little out of your mind when you saw the man standing in front of you. The man you’d gone out of your way two avoid since his and Maggie’s party. Crockett Marcel. Red eyes, puffy cheeks, slurring nonsense and all.

“I-- M, *hic* sww. I srry. Sorry. Kigg.”

“Why don’t you come in?” You helped an incredibly inebriated Crockett Marcel to your couch. “I sy- swww-”

“Go to sleep doc, you need it.” You moved a garbage can next to the couch and put a blanket over him. One of your best ones, soft and fluffy. One tall glass of water and a couple of Tylenol were placed on the side table near his head before you went back to bed. This’ll be fun to talk about in the morning. 

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The morning arrived with the smell of drunken sweat in your living room. Your late-night visitor was on the precipice of waking up, rolling around and fidgeting, trying to get comfy. Though you suspected the hangover was hindering that. You sighed, deciding that you’d wake him up after you finished the pancakes. Sizzling butter and batter wafted into your nose as you carefully placed chocolate chips in the image of a smiley face, hoping that would at least stave off the awkwardness. Crockett kept swearing in French and moved to cover his eyes with a pillow. You laughed as you flipped the last pancakes onto one main plate. Walking over to your guest you pondered how to wake him up. Screaming in his ear? No, too cruel. Pulling away the pillow? Still too mean. Telling him you’ll eat all the pancakes if he doesn’t get up? Perfect. “Marcel, if you’re not up soon, I’m gonna eat all the pancakes I made. And you can’t get mad at me for it.” You sauntered away with a smile on your face, silently hoping that he wouldn’t wake up so you could have all those pancakes to yourself. Soft and buttery, slathered with Canadian maple syrup.

Unfortunately, that was all it took for him to get up. Groaning and moving sluggishly, he made his way to your kitchen island and sat on the other side of the corner. “Thank you. I’m sorry about last night, I just... I feel really bad.”

“About what in particular?”

“Kissing a woman who was already in a relationship, not saying anything about it to the rest of the hospital, causing you a lot of trouble, and... Falling in love with the woman who’s life I ruined.” You froze mid-chew. His troubled eyes were boring into you. “Me?” While your question was muffled by the combination of pancake, syrup, and butter it got across. “Yeah,” he chuckled and smiled softly at you before tensing, “don’t worry, I know you don’t love me. How could you after what I did? Plus you’re in love with Choi-”

“No I’m not. That’s just something April said to cover up what happened.”

“Do you really not see it or are you just denying it?”

“I’m not denying anything, Ethan is- was. Was one of my best friends. And I miss him.”

“Miss him how?”

“He has such a calming energy, like the eye in the storm. Yes, you know it’s gonna get crazy again, but you appreciate the peace it brings you. Even if it’s only for a few moments. He was always so serious, which I like cause I’m serious too. The only jokes he knows how to make are puns, everyone else hates them but I love them. Ethan... He makes me smile, my life hasn’t been the same since he left it. It’s... duller without him. My heart physically aches most times.”

The realization was sudden and terrifying.

“Oh my gods...”

“There it is.”

“I am in love with Ethan.”

“Finally.”

“I am a horrible person.”

“Wait, what? How do you figure that out?”

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The week following your revelation was hard. You felt terrible, despite Crockett’s assurances, you worried that you insisted on telling Ethan the truth because of your feelings. While your head knew that wasn’t true, that you were happy to see Ethan happy, your heart worried. You didn’t know what to think of yourself if you had subconsciously ruined your best friend’s relationship.

Intelligence had also caught a hard case. Cases involving kids rarely ended well and since this one involved a child trafficking ring and identifying all of the perpetrators and victims, your days had been filled with the screams and cries of abused, exploited and tortured children. You felt like your soul needed to be deep cleansed. You’d found all the children and identified two hundred and thirty-three children so far, another eighty-seven to go. Everyone, including Voight, had been much gentler around you. Normally he hated going down to your office because you’d decorated it with colour, things that make you happy, and just generally didn’t look like the office of the tech expert of Chicago’s most elite law enforcement team, but he’d been coming down to check on you and drag you upstairs for food and water. It had been a nice reminder that you weren’t completely alone, and that not all of the world was built with evil and fear. 

“Y/L/N, we got ‘em. And SVU ID’d the rest of the kids. Families have been called. You should go home, get some sleep. And the meticulous notes you keep qualify as a report, so you’re done. Don’t argue. And eat a vegetable.”

You snorted and rolled your eyes. “Yes, dad.”

“Don’t use that tone with me young lady.” A smirk briefly played on his lips. You laughed, grateful for the position he had in your life, and walked up to the bullpen with him. When you reached the top of the stairs you were greeted by chaos. And not the usual chaos. Jay looked like he wanted to punch a hole in a wall, Hailey was being held back by Adam and Kevin as she cursed and tried to claw at whatever was in front of her, Rojas and Kim were debating the pros and cons of using a police baton, Trudy was pinching her nose and looking like she was restraining herself from shooting everyone, and the SVU agents looked confused and a little afraid honestly. “What’s going on here?” Everyone parted like the red sea for their boss to reveal Ethan Choi. “You have got a lot of nerve to show up here.”

“I’m just here to talk to Y/N. To... Apologize.” You could tell by his sunken features, red eyes, and bloody knuckles that he knew. He knew that you told the truth. Pain danced around like a musical behind his eyes. No matter how empty he had left your life you never wanted him to feel the way he clearly did. However, you weren’t in any mood to deal with this. “Guys, let go of him, you’re scaring our guests. Ethan, can we talk tomorrow? It’s been a long day and I’m really tired.” You didn’t even wait for a response, just walked out from behind Voight and right past everyone, only stopping to say goodnight to Trudy on your way out.

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The next morning you woke up... Warm. It was the first time you’d felt something other than emptiness since the whole debacle began. Your apartment smelled good, like fried butter. You quirked your eyebrow, hearing sizzling coming from the direction of your kitchen. You doubted a criminal would break in just to cook breakfast and only three people had a key to your place. Hailey, Ethan, and Voight, given to them in that order. Hailey only really knew how to cook greek food, Voight never used it unless it was an emergency, and despite all that had gone between you two, Ethan never gave his copy back. Leaving your aluminum hello kitty baseball bat by your bed you make your way to the kitchen. Ethan stood in a Navy t-shirt and jeans in front of your stove. Three pans in front of him, one with scrambled eggs, hash browns, and pancakes. “Morning Ethan.” His head slowly turned to meet yours. “Good morning Y/N... Uh, it is tomorrow...”

“It is. What’s for breakfast?”

A slight smile picked up, some weight lifting off his shoulders. “My specialty. You up for it?”

“Always. Uh, Crockett told me. I’m sorry, I want you to know that I did believe you, I just-”

“‘Didn’t want to.”

“Yeah. I’m also sorry about the treatment you received from everyone, really. I told April not to involve anyone else, but she started screaming it from the rooftops the second she could. I know that there were people who didn’t want to take sides but they ended up doing so anyway. I’m sorry about that too. I’ve heard a lot, I know how isolated you became, so I know that it will be hard to forgive me. If there’s anything you want, anything I can do, please tell me. I’m sorry.”

“Did you make enough breakfast for both of us?”

“Of course.” Smiles were met with smiles as Ethan placed all of the hot food on serving plates.

“So now that you know, what’s happening with you and...”

“I broke up with April. I’ve known for a couple of weeks actually, I just... I tried to work it out with her, tried to move past it, but I couldn’t. It was too much, I was too betrayed. Not only did she cheat on me with a man who had just moved to this region of the country, she lied about it, and did everything she could to frame and torture you for what she did. I just woke up one day and I knew I was done. We’d been trying to have a baby but when I stopped focusing solely on having a baby I realized that I didn’t want that with her. She clearly doesn’t love me if she was able to do what she did, and not only would a baby not be able to fix our relationship, but it would be cruel to drag a child into that.”

“I never wanted to hurt you, Ethan, I just thought that you deserved to know, and I’m so sorry about the pain that this situation has dolled on you.”

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Two months had passed and you were re-adjusting to having all of your friends back. From most you’d received an apology and a drink at Molly’s (that had not been a fun hangover), from Sylvie and Nat you had been given homemade cookies in lieu of alcohol, but for the most part laughter and a hug was more than enough. There were few though who didn’t apologize to you and glared at you with hate-filled eyes. You had expected April to be doing that, but most of the nurses were sticking to their guns with her. It didn’t matter that Crockett had come forward, or that she’d admitted it had happened and that she’d lied about you, or that you weren’t the only person who saw that kiss as it turned out, they held you responsible for April’s reputation taking a hit and Chexton’s break up. You had a hard time caring, though. April made a mistake and no matter how much she lied or tried to hide it, it still came out. It wasn’t your fault that she cheated on Ethan, or that she had actively made everything worse.

Ethan and you had been making up for lost time, going to the zoo and aquarium, binging Grand Tour on Amazon Prime, and eating at your favourite Italian restaurant. It felt good to get back into your rhythm, having an unofficial schedule to organize your time together. Today Ethan was waiting for you to pick him up from work so that you both could go see the new baby otter at the aquarium. You had pulled up in front of Gaffney and texted him saying that you were outside and waiting. Just after you’d clicked send there was a knock on the window beside you. You jumped, whipping your head around to see April staring at you with her arms crossed and her chest heaving. Steeling yourself, you exited your car. “Hi April.”

“Really? That’s all you can say? You ruined my life and all you can say is hi?”

“April, I’m sorry for how hard everything must be for you right now, but I didn’t ruin anything. That was all you.”

“If you had just left it alone everything would be fine!”

“April-”

“NO! If you hadn’t insisted on telling him I wouldn’t have worked so hard to make everyone hate you, everything would have been fine. But you just had to go and destroy everything!” April started to cry, tears flowing down her cheeks as she hiccuped and wrapped her arms around herself. You couldn’t bring yourself to be angry, your lives were always filled with drama and pain, and sometimes you felt like you lived in a procedural soap drama, so you couldn’t blame her for holding onto her happiness for dear life. You sighed and reached for her, “come here.”

The two of you stood like that for several minutes until Ethan approached you both with his eyebrows raised. “April.”

“Ethan! You have to know that I never wanted to hurt you, never wanted you to find out!”

“... That’s terrible, April. Look, I’m done. We’re done. Please, just let go.”

“No, I can’t! I love you!”

“No, you don’t. If you loved me you wouldn’t have kissed someone else, or lied about it, or tried to silence and then blame Y/N. What we had, it wasn’t love. We loved each other once, but not in a long time.”

“Ethan-”

“Y/N and I have plans, April.” April shoved you off of her and rocketed away from you violently, sprinting to the ED as fast as she can.

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You were on a date. Sort of. It had been a year and a few months, close to two years, since Ethan and April split and everyone knew the truth. Hailey, Kim, and Vanessa were constantly on you about dating, setting you up onblind dates, signing you up for dating apps, and introducing you to random guys they happen to meet who are single and cute. Ethan quietly asked why you didn’t just date someone to get them to stop. Crockett (who, much to Ethan’s dismay, you’d become good friends with) laughed and offered his services as your boyfriend with a wink. He meant it as a joke. It was a joke. But now, as you were standing by his side in a gown with his arm around your waist, you wondered if he actually was joking, or if he was flirting and you just didn’t pick up on it. When the fancy schmancy business guys left Crockett turned to you with a weary smile. “Thanks, again for coming with me. Goodwin would’ve had my head if I came alone.”

“Well, hey, like you said, this’ll get the girls off my back.”

“I have to admit, I did have an ulterior motive for asking you- don’t panic, I’m not going to profess my love for you or anything. I’ve moved on from you actually. The ulterior motive was to make Choi jealous.”

“What?”

“Look, you love him, and he loves you. I can see it, and so can everyone else. However, it has become apparent that neither of you plan to do anything about it. It has also become apparent that Ethan does not like it when I... do anything that involves you being near me honestly. Least of all that we’re actually friends. He gets jealous, very easily. I was hoping that you being my date for the evening would make him do something about it. Plus, you’re gorgeous and intelligent, the perfect companion for another dull gala.”

“Crockett, he doesn’t-”

“He does. Even April sees it.”

“Crockett-”

“Ah! Dr. Marcel, there you are. I have been looking for you, I want to discuss the hybrid OR project you’re working on with Dr. Rhodes.”

“Of course. This is my date for the evening, Y/N Y/L/N, she is a senior investigative digital analyst with the Chicago Police department.”

“A pleasure.” 

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All in all, you’d had fun at the gala. The booze was free, so was the delicious food, and while you didn’t like dressing to the nines all the time, it was fun to do for one night. The gala had been held at one of the fancier, older, expensive hotels on the waterfront so you and Crockett snapped some amazing pictures. Ethan didn’t do a lot on social media, it just wasn’t his thing, but he texted you seconds from when the first photo was posted to tell you that you looked stunning. You were a bit disappointed, hoping that Crockett had been telling the truth when he said that Ethan loves you. You sighed and shook your head before exiting your office to grab a snack from the breakroom. You didn’t have a case so it had just been a paperwork day, Hailey held up her mug for you to grab as you walked past her desk to the breakroom. You grabbed a bag of chips for yourself and had just finished Hailey’s coffee when your phone rang. “Hello?”

“Hey girl, look I’d love to chat but this is a business call.”

“Oh?”

“Ethan and Crockett got into a screaming match outside of the ED, Ethan got so angry and went to storm off but he turned around and ran into a concrete pillar.”

“Oh my god.”

“He’s fine, got a few scrapes, but he seems really out of it, we don’t think he should be driving. You’re his emergency contact, can you come get him?”

“Yeah, I’ll just let Voight know, I’ll be there soon.”

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Maggie met your eyes and pointed to a room that had the curtains closed. You darted in, finding an annoyed looking Ethan lying on the bed with his arms crossed. There were a couple of light scrapes but no other visible injuries. You’d gotten him back to your apartment easily enough but he was completely silent. “Hey-”

“Do you love him?”

“What?”

“Do you love Crockett?”

“No! He’s a great friend but he’s not my type.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. Where is all this coming from? And why did you get into an argument with Crockett?”

“I, I have been going out of my mind since I found out that you were going with Crockett to that fundraising gala. I can’t lose you! And especially not to him.”

“You’re not going to lose me, Ethan. Goodwin told him he had to bring a date and he knew that the girls were breathing down my neck. It wasn’t a big deal, okay? Ethan why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because I love you. So much.” You didn’t respond with words, just latched your lips onto his. The rest of the night was filled with nudity, moans, groans, ecstacy, and whispers of love and promise.

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Two months later you were being dragged into the ED by a worried Ethan. Before started dating him you’d been friends with him long enough to know that just going along with whatever he needs to feel better is the best option.

“Nat, something’s wrong with Y/N.”

“What makes you say that?”

“She’s been throwing up at all times of day for the past week, can’t hold down food, and she fainted this morning.”

“Alright, let’s get you in a room. Maggie?”

“Treatment four.”

Once you were in bed and had blood drawn you took Ethan’s hand. “I’m fine. You don’t need to worry.”

“Worrying about you is my job as your boyfriend.”

“Sorry to interrupt, but I have news. Good news.”

You and Ethan looked at each other as you clasped your hands together and sat up straighter. “You’re pregnant. Eight weeks along by the looks of it. Congrats guys, you’re going to be parents.”

Ethan sprung up and started kissing you all over your face. You had never been this happy in your life. Suddenly he stopped. “Are you okay with this? Being pregnant? I don’t want you to feel pressured-” You grabbed his collar and pulled his face to yours. Kissing him deeply, and lovingly. “Ethan, I am so happy. I have always wanted to be a mother, and now I have the chance. With the man I love. This is the best day of my life.”

“Have I told you how much I love you today?”

“Yes, but I’d be overjoyed to hear it again. And again, for the rest of our lives.

[liquor-and-intellect]

Clouded- Part 5

In which Jules might or might not have feelings for her best friend, Harry, who is getting engaged to another girl and everything just becomes… more complicated.

or

friends to lovers to enemies to lovers- it’s complicated

previous parts

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HARRY EDWARD STYLES. SRRY FOR THE CONCERT CANCELLATION! Hope this maybe brightens someone’s day.

PART FIVE

After getting Harry's text, I ran to my mirror and pushed a brush through my hair. Why did I suddenly care what I looked like in front of him?

Disgusted with myself, I walked out of the bathroom, rolling my eyes at how fucking dumb I was acting.

After the other night at the club, my mind has been racing. I haven't been able to focus on my homework, or even the long lectures in class. Every time I remotely closed my eyes, I thought of Harry.

We ended things on such good terms the other night and I felt it was a sign—it was sign that things could actually work. I could actually push aside the idea that he would be mad at me about the pregnancy and we could be a family. An actual family.

The guilt that I let him kiss me when I haven't told him about the baby was still there in the back of my mind… And I tried unsuccessfully to suppress it.

Fifteen minutes after his urgent text, there was a short knock on the door before. It happened too quickly for me to process because then Harry Styles was standing in my living room—wide-eyed and captivating, making me dizzy with his presence.  

He let out a breathless laugh, as if he had been running. “You should keep that locked, Jules,” he said, his eyes trailing up my body and his voice like a silky nightgown clinging to my body.

I fought the urge to run to him and kiss him again.

“I knew someone was itching to come and see me, so I left it open,” I told him, watching the beautiful twinkle in his green eyes.

He let out a breath, closing the door behind him slowly before turning around to face me. “I need to tell you something,” he began, his eccentric booth clicking as he approached me.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Me too.” I had to tell him now. Now before I lost my nerve.

He nodded. “Me first,” he breathed, a smile forming on his lips.

I shook my head, holding my hands up to stop him. I couldn't lose my courage. “No, really. I need to tell you first,” I said urgently, I pleaded with my eyes hoping he would see how desperate I was to get this out.

Harry's smile grew bigger. “I just need to get this out, Jules. Listen,” he said, grabbing my face in his hands. Fuck, was a I sucker for his touch. “I trust you with my life-”

“Harry, please listen to me.”

“No. I need you to listen to me, love” he groaned. “I know you trust me too. I also know that we don't keep secrets from one another. So, I have to tell you this.”

“Harry-” I said more firmly.

Then, his phone ringing loud and obnoxious, halting our back and forth conversation.

He sighed, removing his hands from my now cold cheeks to pull his phone from his trousers’ pocket.

“I need to take this— it's management,” he said looking up to me like I would be angry for some reason. I needed a minute to breath any way.

I nodded, releasing a long breath and riding out the word, “okay” on my exhale.

He walked toward my bedroom. “I'll be right back. Then we will resume this conversation, little lady!” He kept his eyes on me, a light air to his gaze and a chuckle on his lips before he disappeared into my room, causing me to slump against the wall in exhaustion.

Harry's P.O.V

I sat in Julia's bathroom, listening to a producer give instructions for the next recording session and how I would need to a few creative ideas ready for next Friday. My leg was bouncing at the knee as I extended it from the edge of the bathtub. There was so much I needed to say to Jules right now that I couldn't waste my time listening to work problems. We had already wasted so much.

When he finally hung up, I put my phone away, taking a quick look in the mirror. There was a slight throb in my temple from lack of sleep from the night before accompanied by a new dark circle tucked in the crevices below my eyes. I hadn't eaten anything this morning either on my rush to leave my flat and I felt a headache arising. I wouldn't let anything ruin this day, though.

I opened up a cabinet glancing around to see if Jules had any aspirin. I found her toothbrush in the top one, so I moved to a bottom drawer. Looking down to see her hairbrush, I pushed it away to close it when something caught my eye.

A pregnancy test.

I could hear my blood pumping through my ears, when I reached down and picked it up. My eyes focused on the two positive lines.

“What the fuck,” I mumbled, shoving her hair bands around when two more white sticks came into my view. Shakily, my hands clasped around them and I felt my mind go blank at the repeating positive lines… mocking me.

Jules didn't—so these had to be... Those tests had to be hers and I was... There was no way though, we told each other everything. We promised to be truthful from now on. She wouldn't keep a secret like this from me.

Would she?

I felt my blood pulsing in my wrists as my hand clenched tightly around the plastic. She lied to me. She fucking lied to my face.

I swallowed a lump in my throat and walked out of the bathroom, my breathing irregular and harsh, catching itself on each intake on the lump arising in my throat.

…

Harry had been gone for at least fifteen minutes and the suspense was killing me.

As much as I had to tell him a part of me wanted to know what he was going to say before I blew it all. I just wanted to hear the words he was yearning to get out of him, maybe I wasn't alone in this. Maybe we were both drowning in the same ocean and maybe we could both go under together.

I knew once I told him though, that he wouldn't tell me. He would most likely cave in on himself for a couple of days, he would need time. Jeff had warned me about that, he told me I needed to be strong for him. Now, standing in my living room, hands wringing themselves nervously, I was as strong as I would ever be.

My head snapped up when I heard boots in the hall and I focused on a familiar silhouette underneath the doorway.

I don't give it a second of hesitation. “I really need to speak first-” I start but am cut off.

“Don't,” he spits, his eyes razors cutting through me and his voice just as sharp. “Don't you dare tell me one more fucking bullshit lie or I swear-” he laughs humorlessly “- I'm done. I will walk out of here and never have to see you again.”

My eyes widen and my heart skipping beats like pebbles. It wasn't pleasant either, painful and sharp and I was afraid that I would have a stroke right here in the middle of this. “Harry-” I don't know what I would have said, but it didn't matter.

“What is this?” he screams, his voice cracking like broken windows as he throws an object in the air and a thud sounding in front of me.

It was in slow motion that I looked down and saw the pearly pregnancy test at my feet.

No, no, no. This was all wrong. He wasn't supposed to find out like this.

“Harry, you don't understand,” I begged, urging him to hear the truth in my voice.

He shakes his head back and forth furiously. “No, you don't get to say that me.” A shaky hand raised to point at my trembling figure and I noticed in his tight grip are my other pregnancy tests. “Are you pregnant?” he asked, his voice catching on the word like it would destroy everything. And in that moment—I swear—it did.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. This had to be a nightmare. “Yes, but listen-”

“It's not mine,” he cut me off. “you were sleeping with Elaine's cousin, weren't you? There's no way that's my kid, there's no way.”

“Sleeping with Elaine's cousin?” I repeated. “what kind of person do you think I am?”

He threw his hands up in the air, the other tests raining down on us like a twisted type of storm. “Apparently I don't know what kind of person you are at all! You lied to me!”

That hurt, but I tried to shove it aside. I needed him to see, to understand that he was looking at this the wrong way. “I was trying to find the right time to tell you! If you haven't noticed you've been busy planning a wedding— what was I supposed to do?”

“What were you supposed-” he raked his hands through his hair, looking desperately around the room. I've never seen him this livid. “You think- this isn't my child... There's no way.”

I scoffed, my anger flaring that he would suggest anything other. “Well no one else was shoving me up against walls in the past month!” I spit.

“Shut up!” he screamed, his hand flying to my lamp by the couch. A crash sounded as it hit the floor, the pieces busting into something so unrecognizable it could never be repaired. That lamp would never be the way it once was before it was swiped from its comfortable spot.

I flinched.

“Do you think I feel good about cheating on my fiancé'?” he asked.

I kept my eyes on the busted lamp, my mouth opening before I could stop it. “You had to have felt good about something because you kept coming back,” I muttered, the words sour as they spilled out and I immediately wanted to choke them back, press rewind and chose a different path that didn’t have us here.

Harry laughed, the sound echoing off these fragile walls. “I really don't know you anymore, Julia,” he spit.

I looked back up at him, because using my birthname against me hurt more than I anticipated. “You know me better than anyone else and you know that.”

He shook his head. “No, you just want to believe that.”

I raked my hands through my hair, pulling at my scalp in frustration. “I was going to tell you today, I swear.”

He snorted. “Yeah, I bet you were. I bet that was your plan this entire time.” His voice lifted a couple more notches. “I bet you wanted to knock yourself up so I couldn't go anywhere and I would have to ruin my relationship with Elaine.” I stopped breathing. “I'm not sticking around for whatever you have planned next,” he said venomously and pushed passed me to the door.

“Don't you dare walk out like this!” I screamed at him, in more desperation for him to hear me out than in actual anger. I wasn't so much as mad right now but hurt at how he could say these things to me. How did we get ourselves here?

“What do you want me to do?” He turned around on his heel to sharpen his hardened eyes on me. “You want me to play along with your game of house? You want me to drop everything for you and this baby all because you said please?” His voice that I loved so much, the one that ran silk up my spine now wrapped around my throat and threatened to choke me.

“I never said that, I just want you to hear me out,” I groaned.

His jaw twitched and I swore in that moment he hated me. He hated the sight of me and my voice and that single thought made me want to crawl under my bed and never come out again. “You had your chance to talk,” he snapped. “Apparently you're to coward to do that. Even if I ever would have dropped everything for you Julia, you just made sure that I never will want to do that again.”

“Stop!” I yelled at him. “Do you fucking hear yourself? This isn't you, Harry. You're just mad right now. Please, can we talk about this like adults?” Even if it was true, by the look on his face I knew I shouldn't have said it.

The veins in his neck strained like taut cords and his face twisted into something unrecognizable. “You don't get to do that,” he growled. “You don't get to act like you know me.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

His heavy breathing was the only sound filling the room, his eyes cutting through me like lasers.

“What am I supposed to do?” I cried finally. I was at a loss for any kind of ammunition I might have had. “This is your child as well as mine,” I said, exhausted. “What am I supposed to do?”

His eyes shifted a bit, I would almost say that they softened for a split second before changing back to the cold green that I was so unaccustomed to. “I don't know,” he said, looking away from me and his voice taking on a deadly calm. “Frankly, I don't care either.” He reached down to grab his jacket by the door. “I just hope you don't expect a wedding invitation in the mail,” he mumbled.

“Harry,” I gasped as if he had physically held fire to my skin and singed my flesh.

Harry turned, as if he was about to walk out the door, his head glancing back at me. “You know,” he said. “I didn't believe you when you said we were robbers… back at the club.”

I was silent.

“You were right, though.” His voice was hoarse. “You just took everything.” He slammed the door behind him before I could process what he just said.

The wind was knocked out of me. My lungs were collapsing and failing as my only way of breath pulled further and further from me.

I wanted to run after him, my brain was yelling at my limbs to get their shit together and move but they were frozen from lack of oxygen moving throughout my body. They were becoming more and more numb before I realized that I wasn't standing anymore, but rather falling and spiraling down into some where unknown.

The floor was hard as I landed on it, my ears buzzing erratically. A flash of red caught my attention as I glanced down and realized that my hand had fallen on a piece of a broken lamp. I couldn't feel the pain, I could just see it seeping from my core and I could only imagine how it must have felt. Because—right now—I was numb.

I was trembling, lying in a pile of broken glass. My vision failing as I recognized the symptoms of a panic attack. I crawled on the floor towards my purse where I kept the bottle of benzodiazepines, my hands throwing everything out and across the floor before clutching onto the bottle like an actual lifeline.

I couldn't get it open.

I pulled and twisted but my hands were too weak, they wouldn't properly grasp the edges the way they were meant too.

I screamed in frustration. All I needed was the pill, the pill that walked straight out of my life and out the door. He left me—he just left.

The bottle popped open and my hands shakily poured the bottle into my hand, all of them falling from my grasp onto wood. As I bent over on my knees in the glass, I was aware of the tears falling down my face to mix with my life on the floor.

Finally clutching one pill I pushed it past my lips and waited for the calming aid to kick in.

…

Harry's P.O.V

“You said what to her?” Jeff screamed, his eyes livid and his jaw tight. He stood defensively with his fists clenched.

“She lied to me!” I roared back, offended by his accusations. “She fucking lied to me, Jeff!”

Jeff took a deep breath, running his hands through his hair. “Harry, that doesn't excuse the fact that you basically called her worthless. Do you not fucking care for her that much?”

I scoffed. “Of course, I care for her,” I spat. I cared so much that it fucking tightened my chest.

He crossed his arms. “Then why did you say those things? Just to make her feel like nothing?”

I rolled my eyes. I don't know why I said those things. She made me so unbelievably mad that I had no control over the words pouring from my hurt.

After I had stormed out and drove around London for two hours, I found myself on Jeff's doorstep with red rimmed eyes and a pulsing headache. He knew. I don't know how. But he had nodded and opened the door wider for me to walk in with a simple, “did she tell you?”

I had collapsed on his couch, my head in my hands and told him the blur that was my memory of that morning. Every single knife I threw at her and the screaming at the top of my lungs that I had given. I was the lowest of the low when it came to my fight with Julia. No woman ever deserves to hear that… My mum would be ashamed.

“I don't know why I said that. It was like everything I had wanted to say came out wrong, I couldn't be reasonable,” I muttered, taking a seat in his chair in defeat.

He sighed. “It's your child, you know that, right?”

I swallowed a lump in my throat, looking at my feet. “Deep down I do,” I mumbled. “I just didn't want to believe it.”

He nodded. “She told me, you know?”

I looked up to him, seeing the way his eyes softened at the mention of her and the way he immediately defended her in our fight. While I was wondering around being a coward, I'm glad someone was there to push her through it— Jeff out of all people. Although, I couldn't mask the ounce of jealousy of Julia telling him her secrets like she used to tell me.

“I figured... But how- I mean when did you two get so close?”

He wrinkled his forehead in thought. “It was more of a coincident that we would run into each other than anything. She was mad about you one night and I stopped her from drinking like I used too- you know, out of pain.” He bit his lip. “Then she got sick, apparently some pregnant women just have these episodes where they throw up randomly, so I offered to take her home. Then when she was crying at the engagement party-”

“She was crying?” I asked my voice hoarse and my mouth frowning as I searched my memory of any indication of her tears that night. As usual, I had been too far up my own ass to notice.

He nodded. “Yeah, after her speech. I followed her when she rushed off and she was so stressed because you had been rude to her. I also think because guilt was eating her alive from seeing you with Elaine.” He leaned back into the couch, his eyes distant at the memory. “I had a pregnancy scare once when I was in college, so the signs were similar. She was sick and you guys had slept together a couple weeks before. So, I straight up asked Julia if she was pregnant and she just—you know, started sobbing. She hadn't told anyone at that point so it helped to get it out.”

“I'm such a fucking dick,” I grumbled, burying my face in my hands. “I wasn't there when she needed me the most.”

Jeff shook his head. “No. That wasn't when she needed you the most.”

I looked up at him.

“She needs you the most right now. She's carrying your baby, Harry. She needs you to help her through this, she can't do it alone and you know that.”

“What am I supposed to do, though?” I groaned. “How am I supposed to tell management and protect Julia from all the hate that everyone will send her? The fans love Elaine and they won't handle another woman carrying my child.” My child. The words sounded strange in my mouth.

Jeff shrugged. “Well… I’m kind of like management. I think we can work something out, H.”

There were a couple beats of silence.

“What are you going to do with Elaine?” he asked.

I fell back limp against the chair, sliding down so my legs were stretched in front of me. “I don't know, I don't really want to think about it. It's not like she liked Julia in the first place… she just tolerated her.”

“Really?” Jeff said sarcastically, as if this news surprised him. “She acts like such a snob around Julia.”

I eyed Jeff, not knowing if I was offended by that statement or not. “She's still my fiancé',” I said.

He rolled his eyes. “Don't remind me.”

The door opened from down the long hallway, the rattling of keys and sound of heels ticking on the floor. Glenne rounded the corner, her blonde hair in a high ponytail and sunglasses in hand. A smile adorned her pink lips when she saw me. “Hey, Harry-” she stopped short when she took in my appearance, a small “O” shaping her mouth.

Jeff shot her a small smile. “Hi, love,” he told her, his eyes melting like honey at the sight of his girlfriend. My heart hurt like a bitch at the sight of it. I had fucked everything up.

She looked at us cautiously, not knowing whether she was wanted in the conversation. “Is everything all right…?”

“Yeah, it's good,” I lied at the same time that Jeff snorted and said a blunt, “No.”

She eyed us curiously.

“You want a woman's advice?” Jeff asked.

I let out a long breath, ignoring him.

“Glenne, let's be honest. Do you like Elaine?” Jeff looked at her.

I snapped my eyes up to him.

Her eyes grew wide, not knowing how to answer with me in the room. I groaned. “Go ahead, be honest,” I told her, waving my hand.

Glenne pulled her lips into her mouth. “No, not really,” she answered. “she flirts with Jeff a lot.”

My eyebrows shot up. “She what?” I asked incredulously.

“And with Mitch and Adam and Niall....” she continued, looking at me sadly.

I let my face fall into my hands. Did I even have a right to be upset?

“Do you like her, Harry?” Jeff asked.

I was almost about to answer with an involuntary “of course I do” but I stopped myself. I had to think. “A part of me loves her, but I don't particularly like her,” I mumbled, realization stinging like a slap to the face.

Glenne walked all the way into the room, taking a seat next to Jeff.

“A part of you loves her?” Jeff repeated.

I nodded, the words coming to me for the first time. “I did love her... I really believe I did. She was a different person when we met. It's almost as if she's the piece of me that's expected. Everyone wanted me to marry her, to be with her. And I love her for that... for being what I needed at that time of my life but... People change.” When I finished talking, I look up to see Glenne and Jeff looking at each other knowingly.

“What are you two looking at each other about?” I snapped.

She put her hands up in defense. “I didn't say anything,” she responded, a smile on her lips.

I could feel her eyes on me as she gauged my reaction. I knew what she was smiling about and I really didn't want her to be smiling about that.

“It's a lot more complicated than that,” I muttered.

…

The next day was a blur. Waking up by the afternoon, there was a moment of silence before shame swallowed me whole, drowning my chest, lungs and head in an overwhelming guilt. All that I said—all that I maliciously threw at her – I knew it would hurt. Yet, I still said it. I was absolutely disgusted with myself that I could barely eat all day.

I knew I needed to talk to her... But I couldn't. A piece of me was still holding onto the anger that she lied to me and I felt the betrayal of it hit me once again.

I sulked around my flat all day, dragging myself from my bed to my couch and to the bathroom. Only to return back to the couch and sulk a bit more. I was pitiful and lost and stupid and completely and utterly angry.

When the clock hit 7:30 that evening and I felt my eyes drifting close, I heard the front door open, Elaine's loud voice chirping into her phone.

“Harry!” she called and I glanced up at her, knowing the purple circles nestled below my red eyes had to speak for themselves.

“Are you okay?” she asked, glancing down at her phone to type a message.

I sighed. “Yeah,” I lied. “just dandy.” I knew I should tell her about Julia, but I needed this limited amount of time to gather my thoughts and emotions. There was no telling that I wouldn't blow up and break another lamp again.

Her eyes brushed over me for a second. “Okay, good,” she said, reaching in her bag to pull out a folder. “I wanted to tell you that I decided on the wedding colors and venue.”

I rolled my eyes, sinking back into the couch and pulling my arm over my face to shield my sensitive irises from the light she turned on.

“I think pink will be a really nice color. Especially if you wear a pink bow tie and get the boys to wear them too.”

I groaned.

“Are you listening to me?” she demanded and I didn't have to open my eyes to know her hand was on her hip.

I took a deep breath, stringing out my patience. “Oh, yeah. I'm listening alright.”

Elaine's heels clicked as she walked further into the living room and the slap of papers sounded as I imagined her throwing the folder on the glass table.

“Also, for the wedding reception will you sing a song for me? You know, like make it look like a surprise.”

I ran my hands down my face. “You know, Elaine, I really don't want to talk about this right now, okay? I've had a rough day,” I snapped.

She cocked an eyebrow. “You've had a rough day?” she said, her voice icy. “Try planning a wedding all by yourself.”

I pushed myself up to sitting position. “If you would have put it off for a couple more months, maybe it wouldn't be that bad and I could actually have a moment to breathe.”

She crossed her arms. “If I remember correctly you were so eager to get it to be sooner for some unknown reason.”

I was quiet. The date had been moved up because of my nagging to Elaine. I was afraid that I had made a mistake with Julia and all my emotions had been at a boiling point. Kind of like now.

“I don't want to talk about it,” I grumbled.

She threw her hands up in exasperation. “Can you at least tell me what you think of the venue?”

“Why does it matter?” I asked. “It's not like you'll consider my opinion.”

“That's because you have a tacky opinion.” She rolled her eyes.

I raised an eyebrow at her. Pushing myself to my feet, I walked into the hallway and shoved my feet into my black boots.

“Where do you think you're going?” she demanded, running to keep up with me.

“Out.”

My arms slid through the holes of my jacket as I opened the door and grabbed my keys.

“But I just got home,” she said and with my back to her I could still see the same fucking hand on her same fucking hip.

I rolled my eyes. “And now I'm leaving,” I snapped back equally as forceful as her. She was pushing me past my breaking point.

With a closed door separating us, I took a long and deep breath.

***

Julia's P.O.V

I hadn't been able to sleep.

My anxiety was running high as I forced myself to get up and perform normal daily tasks. Brush my hair, make a light breakfast, study, try to watch TV. It was so difficult when I turned and everything reminded me of Harry and when I thought of Harry I thought of our fight which made me want to swallow myself within my own guilt.

Never in my entire life had I seen him that angry. He usually was the calm one, if I got angry he was there to rub my shoulder and tell me to look at the reasonable side of the situation. He had always been that way- he had always been my rock.

After that night... After our argument I didn't know where that left us—or what was left of us. Something felt final when he closed the door, separating us in so many different ways. I had to force myself to not think that he had left me behind because then I'd have to take more anxiety pills to calm my racing heart. Even when we had first marked our relationship with that fatal night, there was still the love between us. There was that friendship that couldn't be ruined with a couple mistakes and mixed signals.

Now I wasn't so sure.

I turned the station on the television, hoping to find something decent to occupy my mind. Jeff had texted me earlier, asking how I was doing- I assumed Harry had told him everything- I couldn't force myself to respond though.

Just when a new episode of a stupid sitcom that I couldn't care less about came on, there was a pounding at my door.

I glanced at the clock. It was 11:30 at night.

Maybe it was Jeff?

I could feel my doubt as I got up to continuing knocking. Whoever was there seemed extremely impatient.

I almost choked on my breath when the squeaking hinges of my door sounded as I pulled it open.

“Harry,” I breathed. So many thoughts raced through my head. What was he doing? Was he going to yell at me again? Cuss me out?

That's when I took in his haggard appearance. Blood-shot eyes, messed up hair and purple halfmoons underneath his bottom lashes. His breath blew out clouds from the frigid London air, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his black parka, his collar pulled up to protect his neck.

His nose wrinkled. “It's...cold,” he slurred, his tongue painting the words together.

My eyebrows rose in surprise. “Are you drunk?” I asked.

Pushing passed me, he rolled his eyes. “You act like your surprised,” he muttered.

A/N: Tried not to end this on SUCH a bad note. But I’m sorry. 

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Forbidden (Part 1)

VAMPIRETOMXVAMPIREREADER

(1,651)

Warnings: Swearing, and i call Tom, Thomas in it so srry!

A/N: I HAD SO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS! I really do hope you enjoy cuz there with be a part 2 like ive already planned it sooooo yeah. I love writing fantasy in good at it so if you want more plz let me know!

Masterlist    Requests                that is an actual picture of a necklace i own!

The old stairway creaked under your weight, this part of the manor was off limits to non-masters. So that means the guards weren’t allowed here either, the air grew colder and colder a wraith must be near you though. The bookshelf next to you looked sturdy enough, grabbing hold you gracefully spring up the side. Looking down you see a black billowy figure pass through the shelf in front of you, the creature was the size of a man, cloaked in black rags, smoke trailed behind it as it floated slowly through the air. For a moment you thought it spotted you but when it let out a soft ghastly moan and began to float away you knew you were in the clear.

“Conner, needs better watch dogs” you say to yourself as you gracefully hop from shelf to shelf. When you came to the end of the room a large window graced the room with beautiful moonlight. Whilst gliding down the shelf a book gets caught on your cloak and falls with you, you meet the ground first and whip you the side and catch the book two inches from the ground. Placing the book back on the shelf a hair-splitting scream echoes through the library, at the end of the row of bookcases a wraith smoothly glides towards you, frail grey hands outstretched tipped with long boney fingers and sharp black nails. Before the creature can grab you, it stops and moans loudly, your eyes light up a deep purple “I am [Y/N] Shroud, Princess of the Shroud Coven” you state firmly

“This area is off limits to those who are now of master ranking, thee be a prime, leave at once” the words were not spoken but you heard the in your mind. The voice was frail and dry it dripped with sorrow and hatred. “Oh, I’ll be leaving all right” you say stepping back to the window, reaching to open it your arm is grabbed. Five grey cold fingers grip your arm tightly the cold is so intense it sears your skin “You dare lay a hand on me” you snap, raising your arm you twist your hand dark energy swirls through the spaces in between your fingers. The creature releases you and screams again. “Hush” you command opening the window “You dirty witch” the shrill voice sound again “Only half witch” stepping on a box you hang one leg out the window still holding the creature.

Stepping out of the window and onto the ledge you are bathed in moonbeams, you can feel your powers swirl inside you. A drop from this height would send you down four stories, then you would roll into a chasm of unknow depth and die a horrible death, only if you were a mortal, alas you were no mortal you were the daughter of a Grand Master vampire and a Great Witch of the first order. Releasing the wall, you fall fast laughing all the way. Before you hit the ground your cloak parachutes and you touch the ground unscathed. Pulling your hood over your head you break into a sprint toward the gaping hole in the earth leaping at the last second. The other side came at you fast but inside you knew you wouldn’t make it, not to discourage yourself you did jump a thirty-five-foot gap to only come three feet short. Falling into the gap with a yelp, you grab the ends of your cloak and you pull your limbs to your chest and in a puff of lavender smoke a Black Hawk with purple eyes and deep violet wingtips shoots up into the sky with a loud screech it flies off into the night.

From your spot perched on a branch at the rendezvous point you spread your wings and slowly flap them through the air. You hadn’t flown free in so long, in your studies you were learning how to take mammal form but your father insisted you were taught to fly first. It was your legacy The Shroud Coven was known for their bird forms. You loved feeling the wind in your feathers, it was amazing and the moonlight made changing forms effortless. A twig snapping alerts your senses and you scan the area remembering how cool hawk vison was. The bushes to your right begin to rustle and you spot a large brown wolf with glowing green eyes prowl into view it sniffs the air and looks up to the spot where you’re perched in a tree, swooping down you land a foot away from the beast, stretching your wings you transform back into a young lady, pulling a feather from your dark locks you say “You turn, Thomas.” The wolf bows its head and in a swirl of mossy green smoke there kneels a man he looks up to you and stands. His eyes a bright green, running your hands through his brown curls he lays a tender kiss upon you lips.

“It’s been too long my love” he says caressing your cheek “It has” you say lifting your hand over his on your face when you notice a grey hand print on you forearm “What happens” Thomas says holding your arm in his hands “The wraith that guards the masters library got a hold of me, I used a binding spell to get away.” You say as he looks over the mark “He tried to work a dark kind of magic on you, maybe a fear curse to get you to bend to his will.” He says poking the grey spot making you hiss in pain your eyes glowing. “Let me try” he begins by waving his hand over the mark, green mist trickled from his fingers and swirls around your arm. The mist isn’t wet its warm and makes you feel safe. When the mist stops the mark and the chilling pain that came with it are gone, looking into Thomas’s eyes a tear falls down your cheek.

“Please don’t cry, my love” he says wiping the tear away “I love you” you speak softly “I love you and I shouldn’t, you love me and you shouldn’t.” Thomas scoffs off your remark “You are my everything [Y/N], if I didn’t have you… my eternal life would be meaningless” his voice so full of love. The princess of Shroud Coven and the heir to The Tackwood Coven were supposed to be immortal enemies, they would one day be at war with each other until, everything changed the night you saved Thomas from your cousins hunting party, he had gone out for a nightly run when he stumbled upon you cousins out hunting, they fought and left him for dead. You snuck out and wanted to fly as far as you could before dawn when you found him bloody and beaten, bruised and broken. He was so weak, in this very spot you used powerful magic that rendered you frail and weak to bring him back from the brink of death. He stayed with you and shielded you from the sun until you could bath in moonlight and regain your strength, through the day you spoke to him and began to fall deeply in love.

The night seemed never-ending as you and Thomas talked and made love. “I have something for you” Thomas said reaching into the pocket of his pants he pulls out a small velvet box and hand it to you. Opening it you find a necklace shaped like a diamond with a stunning jewel in the center “Thomas, it’s beautiful. Is that a moonstone?” you ask tracing the jewel “Yes, only the most beautiful jewel can grace the neck of such a beautiful woman” he said stroking your cheek. “I love it” you say closing the box and holding to your chest “I love you” he says kissing you.

Snapping his head up he shushes you, “Someone’s coming” he says standing helping you to your feet. When a large vulture swoops down and lands on a log across from you “Shit” you whisper and stand to block Thomas. “Behind us” he says as two lions one female, the other male step out of the shadows. All of the tree tops and bushes rustle, looking up you see birds perched among the trees and a quick scan of the underbrush makes it apparent that you surrounded by other creatures, or other vampires in creature form. “Father, please don’t do this” you plead. The vulture then in a swirl of black mist becomes a tall, lanky man with white hair and red eyes “You did this to yourself” his voice deep and firm with a thick accent. Behind you the lions have returned to their forms as the baron and baroness Tackwood. The Baron is a muscular man with green eyes like Thomas but his held a kind of anger and hatred that his sons did not, but the Baroness on the other hand was a kind looking woman short and plump with greying red hair. “Take him away” the Baron called and three large men came to grab Thomas. “No” you yell grabbing Toms arm as he is pulled away from your grasp “We will see each other again” he said sadly as he got dragged away. Tears sting your eyes as you look to the Tackwoods, the baron had changed back into a lion and let out a monstrous roar that shook the ground but the baroness stated at you with tears falling down her face before she transformed to followed her husband into the woods. Turning to your father you send out a bolt a violet energy which he catches and turns black. “That was your free shot, the next move you make better be the right one” he growls fizzling out the bolt of energy. Falling to your knees defeated you are taken away.

Here are some beautiful KITTENS: @midtownvaledictorian@letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked@tiemeupspidey @captain-katie-xx@panicatttckiss@champagneholland@seilamigliorcosacheabbiamaivisto@mendes-holland @maggie-starz @natalie-kn@vaeyron@wonderyoung @ging3r-fall@louisnholland @little-weirdo-13@calumminter@sunshiineandmoonliight @m-snop@tomhstories @rosieeemma @societalreject @bibs-fortuna  @antisocialoutcast12 @jadabelle @las-civus  @oceantostars @tiemeupspidey @dr-tardis-who@hazelgracewatersaugustus @jessica-moon9 @sophietanda @yasstoeverygirloutthere @beccaaahh5711 @emptyy-skyy

[notgonnarememberthis]

Beautiful- Chapter 5

I’m so sorry for the extended absence I’ve had a ton of stuff on my shoulders lately. First things first, I had another set of exams for college and then I started this new series called The Gifted (by the way I totally recommend to everyone). Finally I’ve settled enough to punch out another chapter.

Anyways I hope you guys enjoy this chapter I’m actually hella proud of it. The first part of this chapter was inspired by James Veitch is a Terrible Roommate if you haven’t seen it yet, I 1000% recommend it’s so funny and it just reminded me so much of Joanlock that I couldn’t help but write it in.

To Sherlock’s credit they hadn’t had an interesting case in about a month. It’s honestly a miracle that he’s made it this long without any of his usual shenanigans. Normally at this point he would’ve conducted an experiment involving explosions or a case study on Watson’s behavior at different intervals based on how much sleep she could get to function to the best of her ability. Not that he didn’t have substantial research on the subject already, more research could never hurt though.

It starts out with one. Watson’s lip quirks up as they pass a tiny display at the grocery, it’s a stack of rubber ducks carefully stacked in a pyramid. It’s an impulse buy not that he looks back at it but it made her smile so in the end it was worth it. It quickly becomes a game to test her observational skills. One day the duck disappears from its usual precipice on the shelf just below her products. If she notices its disappearance she doesn’t mention it.

However hours later he hears her call from downstairs, “Sherlock why was the duck in the cereal box?” To simply put it he’d moved her favorite cereal 3 inches to the left after sticking the duck inside. She should’ve noticed a lot sooner but at the same time he hadn’t heard her pad down the stairs until a mere 45 minutes ago.

Then it strikes him that he hasn’t pushed her to her top level annoyance in far too long. He almost misses her screaming his name from the other side of the Brownstone. So he buys more rubber ducks. With his devious plan now in action he changes their orientation every day when he’s sure she’s either not home or in deep slumber. One day he arranges them as if two are getting married, then in a cult like circle around a tube of toothpaste, even draping two of them in shreds of toilet paper as mummies for Halloween. His particular favorite was when he managed to perfectly recreate the scene from Titanic after the boat sinks.

After all of this effort there’s still no reaction. To his shock and appall, she didn’t even address the ducks. By all logic by now he should’ve at least gotten a smile out of her but no. So he ups his game purchasing a load of them for a shockingly cheap price off this Amazon user SpookyBoi. Three days later a box filled with 95 rubber ducks is delivered to Marcus’ home. He couldn’t very well set the delivery for the Brownstone lest Watson find it while he’s not paying attention.

So he sets up his new mission carefully setting up the ducks as if they’re crawling out of the drain itself. He barely even used a third of the ducks in the box so of course he already begins planning his next attack in case Watson doesn’t bring up the ducks yet again. Sure enough not even a peep from her even though when he returns they’re visibly moved after her shower.

Fine if she wants to play that way.

It takes 3 hours but he expands his mission having them crawl from the drain, up the side of the tub, out over the side, to the other side of the bathroom in rows of 10 until they narrow reaching a significantly larger duck wearing a crown. He’s not going to admit how much money he actually spent on this display but it’s oh so worth it when his phone buzzes late one night.

We need to talk about the ducks -JW

Ducks? -SH

Don’t play coy with me. I couldn’t shower this morning because I had to move over 100 of those stupid ducks. -JW

Srry. No more tiny ducks. Prmse. -SH

Honestly she should’ve caught onto the loophole right then and there but shockingly she didn’t. Only an hour later Gregson calls with reports of a triple homicide. He takes a separate cab excusing to Watson that he had to meet with Alfredo really quick and he’d meet her at the scene of the crime in about an hour. Rather he makes a quick trip to the local bath store and purchase 5 ducks about the size of a laptop. He positions them and he’s off to the crime scene.

You said no more ducks. -JW

I said no more tiny ducks. -SH

I’m meeting my mom for dinner tonight. When I get back I want all of the ducks gone. I don’t care how. It happens or I make your life hell -JW

His disappointment at the end of their game is met with a tiny bit of thrill at her threat. He still wants to see how far he could push her. He wants to get that oh so pleasant shout. Cn I kp 1? -SH

One. -JW

:) -SH

It takes him 2 hours and an air pump but the trap is set long before Watson walks in the door. The large inflatable duck takes up ⅔ of the bathroom and is positioned facing the door.  He tries not to bounce with excitement as soon as she announces her presence with a sigh and the loud shut of the door.

“I’m going to take a shower.” She says, exhaustion evident in her tone. He nods not turning to face her lest he gives away the surprise.

He begins counting the seconds until finally,

“Sherlock!” Her voice calls in frustration. He bounds up the stairs two at a time, a giant smile plastered across his lips. She’s standing in the doorway of the bathroom, eyes flashing with fury. He’s hit suddenly by how nice she looks. Her makeup is done carefully, hair draped over her shoulders in loose perfect curls, black dress hugging tightly to her figure without being suggestive. She marches over to him and he notices how much shorter she is without her heels on. She barely comes up to his shoulder. “Do you think this is funny?” She seethes, yet beneath the anger he swears he sees a bit of a spark in her eyes, a challenge.

“Quackers.” He answers with a smirk.

“I warned you.”

“No you said I may have one.”

“I didn’t mean one that takes up half of the bathroom!” She steps forwards moving to push him back but he catches her wrists.

“You should’ve been more specific. I thought you would’ve learned after the tiny ducks.” Her chest swells with an angry breath. He’s suddenly aware of how close she’d advanced in her attempts to push him and the fact that he’s still holding her. He drops her wrists quickly but it’s too late. Memories of that night sweep over him once more. How he’d held her wrists above her head, how he’d pressed her against the wall lips buried in her throat, the way her nails scraped down his bare back.

She moves away quickly back into the bathroom, snatching a pair of scissors from the sink. With a quick slash the duck is torn and is quickly deflating. “Take your duck so I can shower.” It isn’t a request, rather a command. He obeys taking the limp yellow body and dragging it into the hall. The bathroom door slams in his face and he sends a quick text.

Need 2 tlk nw. Emrgncy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alfredo arrives at the Brownstone much faster than Sherlock anticipated, knocking frantically on the door. He yanks it open, his former guide’s eyes tracing over his form. “Did you relapse.” His voice is harsh and demanding.

“What? No.” Sherlock says defensively.

“Did you almost relapse? You don’t have anything here do you? You know Joan would kill you.”

“Slow down. It has nothing to do with relapse at all.” He visibly settles.

“What’s the emergency then?”

He goes quiet listening for the sounds of the shower. He continues once he’s sure he can hear the water hitting the tub. “I think I may be attracted to Watson.” He says quickly.

“You’re kidding me.” Alfredo scoffs throwing his head back. “I abandoned a client and broke 3 different laws on the road because you think you are attracted to your partner.”

“I’m beginning to think you’re not seeing how much of a problem this is.”

“You’re right. I don’t.” He sighs taking a seat on the couch. He pats the spot beside him inviting Sherlock to sit down. With a roll of his eyes he plops down beside him. “Joan is an attractive woman. Why is this a problem?”

“Because this isn’t the first time.” He mutters under his breath.

“We are not having this talk at 11:30 at night.” Alfredo groans rubbing his hands over his face.

“If you’re not going to be any help”

“I am going to help but I need you to stop with this cryptic shit.” He sits up now, “When did this start.”

“If I tell you it doesn’t leave this room. Not even Watson knows.” He waits until Alfredo nods before continuing. “18 years ago my father took me with him on a business trip to America. I went to a bar while he was at the meeting to have a few drinks. I met this woman, went home with her and we-”

“Please skip the details. I can assume.” Alfredo interrupts putting up his hand.

“Well I told her that my name was Sean. No use in giving my name if we were only going to meet once.”

“What’s the point of this side story.”

“The woman was Watson.”

“You slept with Joan.” Alfredo repeats in shock. Their bubble is broken by the shattering of glass behind them. He spins around and sure enough Watson is there clad in pajamas and her favorite red cardigan. A shattered tea cup lies abandoned at her feet. The water he heard running… It must’ve been the sink. How much of the conversation had she heard?

“You’re Sean.” She whispers in disbelief.

“Shit.” Alfredo mutters.

“Watson.” He’s on his feet approaching her quickly. Her eyes are shining with a new kind of anger, one that reflects disappointment… betrayal.

“Don’t.” She stops him backing away. “You knew. You knew and you didn’t even bother to tell me.” She scoffs.

“Watson.” Another step forwards and another backwards.

“How long did you know.”

“I-”

“How long!” She demands swiping furiously at a spare tear that escaped.

“Since we met.” He whispers in admission. An angry laugh mixed with a sob leaves her lips. She looks away so that he can’t see the tears of humiliation escaping. He steps towards her again taking her arms gently. “I’m sorry. I thought if I told you, you’d leave.”

“Well I found out. What now Sherlock?” She asks bitterly snatching herself from his grip. She hardens herself setting her jaw. “I’m staying at Marcus’ tonight.”

“Watson you don’t have to-”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” She snaps. “You don’t get to tell me what to do right now. Got it?” With that she leaves up the stairs to get dressed and packed for the night. Alfredo lingers for only moments before dismissing himself with a quiet apology. She doesn’t say a word as she storms out the door but he can see the angry tears streaming down her cheeks.

The Brownstone aches with silence in her absence.

[ichijikanme]

O saw your response about your mother and I'm wondering: is your relationship with her good? Do you forgive her for her being like that? Do you feelused to feel bad for not being what she wanted you to be? I have a very social demanding mother, but I never accomplished her demands. Now I'm older and can't have a good relationship with her because I can't forgive her, we still live together and I know I make her life harder since I'm very unlikable. (1/2)

(2/2) I just can't let go of all the hurt. Do you have some unhealthy feeling about your mother, if so, you were capable of letting go? srry if is too personal.

You know tbh?? I was thinking about this yesterday. Long story short? No, I don't exactly have a bad relationship with my mother, even if she still does engage in gaslighting and things of the sort now. After going through therapy for a bit and realizing how much my mom's attitude towards me affected my self worth, eventually I got to this point that I just snapped. I ended up yelling at her and telling how her attitude towards me messed me up so badly. It was such an explosion that I remember it ending with me in a panic attack with my hands frozen shut. Like she literally had to pry my hands open while she apologized. LOL

See the thing that makes my relationship with my mom weird is that growing up, I never blamed my mom for her actions and her attitude towards me. She never was necessarily... abusive. Mom is an abuse survivor, you know? That fact was never hidden from us. My brother and I always knew she was different, so we never blamed her for anything. Of course, I'm not saying that our attitude was right. My biggest regret growing up was believing this mentality to be true.

My mom loves me a lot. Like... I'm the child she shows the least love to through her actions. However, I am the child that is the most like her in every single way, especially how I was growing up. My mom's treatment of me never was to make me feel like shit but was to help me so I didn't make the same mistakes as her. Mom's love for me shows in her anger. So it's weird. While my mom's actions can be labeled as 'abuse,' it's more complicated than that. Because when her cold facade breaks, and she tries to explain things to me, her reasoning are so raw and vulnerable and it's mind blowing how much she cares for me. She may be the most loving and stuff to my brother and sister, but sometimes I think she cares about me the most.

But going back, my biggest thing through therapy was fighting that belief that because mom had a tough childhood, I was obligated not to hold her accountable for everything. This belief wasn't ever drilled into us, but something my brother and I learned naturally on our own. I forgave too much. I had to realize that just because she had a bad childhood doesn't give her the right to be that way to me. To gaslight me, steal, sock guilt trip, etc.

My relationship with my mom is just........ weird. She doesn't try to make me more sock to uplift her own social status. But at the same time, she's extremely manipulative whenever she tries to help. She makes up lies that people are talking behind my back when I refuse to do sock things.

Do I forgive my mom? I... don't really know? I don't internalize anything anymore so I just don't care...? Like... I mean this in the sense that I stopped forgiving my mom for being manipulative to me. I let go of my childhood belief. So whenever mom is being a bitch, I call her out of it and we get into a fight. LOL I feel like I felt how you did before I inevitably ended up snapping at my mom. Have you done so with yours yet? And snapping means like... honestly? I became very direct (while crying) pointing out every single thing she did and how it made me feel and why it's her fault I depressed. Once everything got out, it just... I got control over myself and my feelings and came to the conclusion that I'm done with her treating me like this and I wouldn't stand for it anymore.

It's a weird thing when your parent is an abuse survivor. All their actions towards you stems from the defense mechanisms they learned while going through abuse. My mom lies, steals (though not crazily so), gaslights, etc. It's not as bad as she could be. I remember when she was younger, we got hit so much that we flinched when our parents would raise a hand to scratch their face. And then we got smacked for flinching. But at the same time? I remember my mom always being on the lookout for my brother's biological father bc he'd stalk us. I remember her desperately clinging to my brother that he'd have an inch of educational intelligence, even doing projects for him. And then never seeing any progress due to his ADHD. I've seen how much she loved her mom that she taken the responsibility of taking care of her even though her mom had a stroke which made her legs itch to the point her mom would keep scratching until reaching bone. We had to purchase a hospital bed and cuff her spread eagle so she wouldn't scratch and I wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night with the light on and my mom swearing while cleaning up a puddle of blood. And then I also saw her refuse to go to her father, her abuser's, bedside when he was dying and then dropping into a depression because of it.

Everything is weird. You see feats of extreme caring mixed into a sea of unhealthy behaviors and a coldness and a deep discomfort even hugging or saying 'I love you' to your child. Everything doesn't make sense because right or wrong isn't clear cut anymore. It's not as easy as simply forgiving or not because you don't know if it is a case where you were wronged. Especially as a child.

ALSO NO PROB ABOUT PROBING QUESTIONS BC AS YOU CAN SEE, I LOVE TALKING ABOUT MYSELF. JUST IGNORE THE PAST TWO PARAGRAPHS AND HOPEFULLY THIS ANSWERS STUFF LMAOOOOO