bandtrees · 4 months ago
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they would get divorced in one universe just to find eachother in another one
alternatively titled: sometimes you're the level-headed token flesh-head impulse-control-and-polycule-member of a stubborn, eccentric, and hearty telephone-headed drug addict, and there's cruelty in the world you deem fit to suicidally fight, and that either goes about as well as you'd expect it to, or you learn about love and the value of your life and junk along the way
#scribbles#milton r wallace#callum crown#phonegingi#sgt norm allen#norm allen#dialtown#dialtown a phone dating sim#..uh idk if callum and milt have a ship name orz#normgingi#milton norm parallels save me. Save me milton norm parallels#very specific but its why i prefer to look at the callum-milt-marla situation as like tragic polyamory#as opposed to a cheating one#it adds to the callum-gingi parallels. theyv both got polycule situations C:#though i suppose you could call a cheating situation a dark parallel to gingi's polycule the same way you could call#milton's entire deal a dark parallel to their relationship with norm/the narrator#However i just like tragic polyamory. my visions of milton and marla ALSO being in love yet having the mutual#realization that they hate callum more than they love eachother (esp milton) is highly specific yet also everything to me#misery loves company and all that jazz. a THIRD combination of people having divorce shit going on#this guys ruining my life IM GONNA FUCK HIS WIFE! (They are already in a consensual polyamorous relationship milton is just making it weird#Sorry these tags were going to be like meaningful discussion about this art and then i was enabled to talk about THIS AGAIN#OH YEAH this art in particular i discovered halftones and also started actually using blending brushes#milts face isnt drawn. obviously. but im imagining a kind of 'oh you!' exasperated fondness#as opposed to norm who's just a cranky little tsundere. jokes on milt though HIS relationship is HEALTHIER#also i will never pass up the chance to draw gingi and callum together#theyr both characters i adore drawing gingi's round shapes and different textures and callums cute little bolts#but also they do look soooo similar and yet so different its always really fun to do#and theyr just. my favs lol. my top 3 favs go gingi-mingus-callum hehe#Ok thats all. thank you for coming to my rambles#fig said i should post my art at better times and so i am and that means when i post my art im AWAKE ENOUGH TO RAMBLE ABOUT IT LOL
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bottombaron · 1 year ago
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i think i've hit the limit of my Persian knowledge trying to translate Al Qolindar and it's driven me mad...
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skrunksthatwunk · 5 months ago
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KUWAMESHI SKETCH DUMP KUWAMESHI SKETCH DUMP in which they are little shits who cannot stop messing with each other
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also obv zoom in to see everything bc this shit is CRAMPED. but it's all neat i prommy
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cobaltfluff · 7 months ago
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happy april fools' from your big brothers, dumbass (affectionate)
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bunnihearted · 9 days ago
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🕸🎀˚.⁺⊹
#so i have an appt. to the psychiatric department for personality disorders tmrw...#and like i tried sending a self referral to them last year lmao#and they only said that heyyy you're doing amazing sweetie you are high functioning 🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻🖕🏻#then i've ben to the health care center and since they think they cant treat me bc it's too severe they've sent referrals to other places#which have all declined me... so they also sent one to the psychiatric who sent a referral to this pd department#who that time also said that they can't accept me#so the therapist at the health care center like idk exactly but she sent a report on how they didnt handl my case properly#which made them call on me for an evalutation appt.#but i have 0 hopes. i honestly think the entire psych care is fucking lame and bullshit#i highly doubt they're even equipped to treat personality disorders#& even if they are theire budgetis getting cut bc ppl love having rightists ruling the government .... which means no funds for healthcare#anyway. PLUS it's a man.... -_- which reducuses my chances of being taken seriously even more...#i also hate talking to male therapists/psychiatrists... no fucking thanks. but i have to </3#i just really dont wanna go. like im gonna have to put energy into trying to argue for my right for treatment. w ppl who should inferstand#UNDERSTAND* i hate typing on my ipad ffs. they should understand my personality disorders..#bit health care proffessionals are horrible ppl and dont give a fuck abt their patients lol. so they're only condescending and rude 🤢🤮#i hate being in these environments bc everyone treats u like shit. the receptionists are so fkn rude and almost outright mean and insulting#the doctors and therapists and psychiatrists are all bullies who look down on u and make u feel small and worthless#so im really dreading it... but im also at my wit's end. i am missing out on my entire life. im desperate for help#even if i wholeheartedly believe that these worthless wastes of space wont give me any treatment i'll still need to go and try#then ig i'll just have to keep pestering the healthcare system. i might wventually even have to start going to the psych. ER so they put#that on my records and like idk. that costs money tho. plus from everyone i've heard from...#being at a psych ER esp when your situation isnt dire is awful and hell#my cousin who had been ther after a sui attempt had said that it 'scared him straight'#and that it was so terrible that he did everything to get back home as soon as possible and do whatever to never end up there again#so yuh... i'd rather not!#i was supposed to (my own decision) to write a list with ALL my symptoms and bring and be like LOOK MONGREL!!!#but since i suffer from avpd...... i havent. i procrastinated and now it's too late whoopsie. i'll just have to wing it fuckkkk 🥴#ofc it also has to be 8.45 .. so early in the morning for me im so mad ahhhhh i dont wanna go i am throwing up and screaming#but atp i'd have to pay $35 myself for not going so that will motivate me enough to force myself to go
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librathefangirl · 1 year ago
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A Libra NNT Analysis: Meliodas' Demon Secret
Masterlist
Part 1: The Start of a Millennia Long Secret (pre-season 1)
Okay, time to finally get this started. And I want to do that by saying what I've said before, and probably will say again: The Seven Deadly Sins is an anime that needs to be watched (at least) twice. It's like Zaratras says:
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Looking back, especially at the earlier seasons, so many things get another meaning when you know the whole story. Meliodas' demon secret is no different. The first time around you get to learn about it along with the characters. The second time around you can see the nuances of it, the symbolism and relation between it and the rest of the story. This is why I wanted to do this analysis series in the first place, to look at the earliest episodes with the perspective of knowing exactly who and what Meliodas is, and see how his demon secret is developed - or rather, how it's revealed. This means that yes, there will be angsty ramblings similar to my previous posts on the subject. I mean how could there not, because a) it's me (and if you know me, you know I love angst), and b) Meliodas really hid who he really was from the people closest to him for so long...
But! Before we get into how Meliodas' secret is revealed I want to take a look at how it was formed. Starting with the why.
Actually, first I'm gonna put a read-more because this got long :) Continue reading for: the reason behind Meliodas' secret, 3,000 years of history, the fall of Danafor, and the Seven Deadly Sins knows... what?
Meliodas' demon secret doesn't actually become a secret until after the end of the First Holy War. Before the end of the war, he has no reason to try to hide it. Everybody already knows what and who he is. For those who don't, well, they soon figure it out. He doesn't hide it; he openly uses his demonic powers and shows himself as a demon, because again, he has no reason not to, and he even admits to being a demon when asked about it. This, to me, is especially noteworthy since this is something we're shown repeatedly that he doesn't do after the end of the war.
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After Meliodas and Elizabeth's confrontation with their parents, and the following death and cursing, Meliodas wakes up to a new Britannia. A demon-free Britannia. The war has by then ended, leaving the demons sealed away and the goddesses having lost their physical forms. A new era has started in Britannia. An era where the demons are becoming nothing more than a great evil sealed away by the goddesses. The more years that pass, the more solidified this view becomes. The humans who once had encountered demons, all die or are already dead. By the time of the first season, the demons are just monsters of myth. While there are still some people who know about demons, like Gerheade (who lived through the war) and Elaine, we're also shown that most people don't. They struggle with the idea that such beings even exist, or have a very limited knowledge of demons. We can probably also safely assume that nobody is exactly considering the possibility of a "good" demon. After all, that was already a foreign idea back before they were sealed.
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So, given everything we know about this new Britannia and how it came to be, it makes sense why Meliodas would choose to hide the fact that he is a demon. He has no reason to believe anyone would accept this about him. While the world before was also filled with hate and fear towards demons, back then he at least had Elizabeth. And his entire race, even if they did hate him too (but not for being a demon). Now he is all alone, stuck trying (and failing) to protect Elizabeth in a world that doesn't understand demons. People knowing he is a demon would also make it a lot harder for him to live among the humans, which we know he has done repeatedly during his attempts to keep Elizabeth safe and in his search for a way to break the curse. So, yeah, it's easy to see why Meliodas' demon secret would come to be.
At the same time, I think it's really interesting to point out that while Meliodas does hide that he is a demon and won't even answer the question when directly asked about, he doesn't really lie about it either. He doesn't say he is a demon, but he also doesn't say he isn't a demon or that he is human.
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We don't get to see lot of what happens to Meliodas over the 3,000 years between the start of the curse and his arrival in Liones. What we do see is Meliodas, repeatedly, living human lives with Elizabeth's numerous reincarnations. Because of this, the most significant moment we get during those years in regard to his demon secret is the fall of Danafor.
Danafor is an example of a human life we see Meliodas living with Elizabeth, or Liz in this case. From the flashbacks of his times there, provided by the druids' trial, and his interactions with Cain, it's safe to assume that the people of Danafor saw Meliodas as a fellow human - a stupidly overpowerful human perhaps, but a human nonetheless. When Cain learns that Meliodas is in fact Meliodas (and not his son) he is, understandably, shocked. After all, he clearly expected Meliodas to age like a human would and not still look as young. Danafor, or rather the fall of Danafor, marks the beginning of the unraveling of Meliodas' demon secret. This is the first time in who knows how long that Meliodas uses his demonic powers. It's also the first time he's faced with someone who knows who and what he really is (not counting Merlin and Elizabeth with her memories regained) with the appearance of Fraudrin. Even disregarding Fraudrin's future possession of Dreyfus, the events in Danafor (Meliodas' destruction of it and the Coffin of Eternal Darkness) have significant repercussions for Meliodas going forward.
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After Danafor, Meliodas life becomes different. Back in Danafor, he was greatly respected as the leader of the Holy Knights. In Liones, he still has respect and status as the captain of the Seven Deadly Sins, but he (along with the other Sins) is also seen as a criminal and sinner. By then, rumors have also spread about what happened in Danafor and Meliodas' part in its destruction. We don't really know for sure what exactly those rumors entailed or how close to the truth they were (they most likely did not involve "demon" or "demonic powers"), they still told a story of Meliodas being the one, not only to destroy Danafor completely, but also kill its citizens.
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So, from what we can see, Meliodas' arrival in Liones comes with a new life and a different role. While he is still mostly seen as human, he is also seen as more of a "monster" than before. Both Zaratras and Hendrickson admit to having sensed Meliodas' true identity during some of their earliest encounters with him.
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That brings us to another interesting thing to look at before I get into analyzing the individual episodes: the extent of Meliodas' demon secret. Meliodas is generally seen as a human, but his secret isn't a complete secret. It's not a situation of nobody knows nothing, as seen above. Of course, how much is known depends on who's perspective we are talking about. So, since it's kind of important for these breakdowns, and it intrigues me to talk about, let's end this part with looking at what the fuck do each of the Seven Deadly Sins actually know about Meliodas in regards to his demon secret?
The most obvious (and also easiest) to start with is Merlin. She is the one who knows the most about Meliodas, seeing as she first met him 3,000 years ago before he even betrayed the demons. To her, there isn't really a "demon secret", only a secret he is keeping from everyone else. Merlin knows Meliodas is a demon. She knows what kind of demon he is and was, his past with the demons and Stigma, even about the curse at the hands of the Demon King and Supreme Deity and what it means for him.
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I'm gonna try to do these in order of who knows most, so next up is Gowther, who - well, who the hell knows what he actually knows? But he is the one, next after Merlin, who is the most knowledgeable about Meliodas. Technically, he met Meliodas before even Merlin did, since he was (as his creator's proxy) in the Ten Commandments alongside him. It has also been revealed that the original Gowther was one of Meliodas best friends (Q245, Q&A Corner of chapter 234 in the manga). But Gowther also did erase his own memories prior to season 1, after Nadja's death. Despite this, Gowther is still shown to know more about Meliodas' secret than the others. When the group is first reunited with Gowther, he points out to Meliodas that none of them are of the same race, hinting that he knows Meliodas is not human. Though given his powers, to me at least, it's hard telling exactly how much Gowther knows about Meliodas.
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Merlin and Gowther are more or less the only Sins with any real knowledge about Meliodas' secret, but that doesn't mean the others don't know anything. In fact, most of them have gotten some hint prior to the events of season 1, proving that Meliodas' demons secret isn't absolute. Among the remaining Sins, Escanor is the one with the biggest reason, I think, to suspect something. Escanor has, after all, seen Meliodas in his demon form. He might not know exactly what Meliodas is, but he should definitely suspect that Meliodas isn't human. The moment I'm talking about happens during the battle between Escanor and Meliodas, when Meliodas is trying to convince him to join the Seven Deadly Sins. During that battle, Meliodas easily defeats Escanor by releasing his Assault Mode. This means that Escanor saw him with his black eyes and demon mark. Like I said, Escanor probably didn't know what it meant at the time, seeing as he hadn't actually met another demon by then, but at the same time, it stands to reason, that Escanor shouldn't be seeing Meliodas as quite as human as the rest of Liones did.
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Now let's talk about Ban. The interesting thing about him is that while, out of the last three Sins, Ban is the one who knows the most about demons, he is also probably the last one who would (willingly) suspect Meliodas of being one - something that he shows later in the first season. Ban's knowledge of the demons comes from him encountering and fighting the Red Demon during its attack on the Fairy King's Forest. This means that his knowledge of the demons as a race is very limited compared to Merlin (though to be fair, most people's knowledge is limited compared to Merlin, especially about demons since, well, very few people seem to know what the demons really are anymore). The Red Demon is also a huge part of Ban's struggles with the idea of Meliodas being one, as he obviously can't let himself put Meliodas equal in any way to the monster who killed Elaine. Still, even if he doesn't want to, Ban has reason to suspect it even before season 1, given what happened with Meliodas' dragon handle. When Ban tried to take the dragon handle, Meliodas cuts him with black flames. This is also the one and only time something has managed to leave a permanent scar on Ban's body since becoming immortal. Both of these indicate, if nothing else, that Meliodas isn't as human as he first appears to be.
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Between Diane and King it's a little hard to tell who knows most, because let's face it, neither has much knowledge about Meliodas' secret at this point. Though I would probably have to say Diane does - mostly because I've got an issue with King's knowledge, but more about that later, let's talk about Diane first. Diane doesn't have much knowledge about neither demons nor Meliodas' secret, but, like the others, she has some reason to suspect him not being human. Diane was there and saw Meliodas scar Ban, meaning she saw Meliodas with the black flames just as Ban did. Later, during the events of the Vaizel Fighting Festival, she also admits to having seen "that look" on Meliodas, referring to how he looked while defeating Ban. So, yeah, not much knowing but still some hints.
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Now then, last but not least, King. Okay, to be fair, he is one of the Sins with the least knowledge about Meliodas' secret. He also, like Diane, lacks the knowledge of demons in general. He wasn't there during the Red Demon's attack in the Fairy King's Forest and has shown himself to not share Elaine's knowledge about demons, given his reaction to seeing the Red Demon's corpse. He even expresses shock that beings like the Red Demon have actually existed in Britannia. As for Meliodas' secret, when King first meet him in the manga, he literally calls him human. By the time of the first season, King is seemingly still holding this view, later expressing his surprise that Meliodas looks exactly the same despite 10 years having passed.
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But I did say I had an issue with King's knowledge, didn't I? Well, unfortunately, I do. It comes with that first meeting between King and Meliodas. As much as I love it, it provides some... inconsistencies, especially in regard to the reveal of Meliodas' demon secret - and since that is what this post is about, it's only fair that we address it. Okay, so here's the thing. King was captured 200 years ago. In the manga page above (first panel, lower left corner) you can even see Helbram's dead body still lying on the ground, proving that it was 200 years ago. Now, Meliodas being there when King is arrested by unnamed knights 200 years before he and Merlin decide to form the Seven Deadly Sins, while a coincidence, is not that unimaginable. But King remembers that moment. He references it to Meliodas in the druids' cave and thinks back to it in the fight against Chandler, which means he clearly remembers the Meliodas 200 years ago as Meliodas and not just some random knight. But then when they are reunited after only 10 years he suddenly thinks it's weird that Meliodas remains unchanged? I just- that is what is happening, right?? Anyway, let's just... drop it for now.
Okay!
So what do we start of with when the fist season begins? Meliodas, who has kept the fact that he is a demon a secret for 3,000 years because Britannia is now "demon-free" and demons are seen as ancient evil monsters; Merlin, who knows everything; Gowther, who knows he is not human; and the rest of the Seven Deadly Sins, who still think of him as human(?). At the same time, the events of Danafor's destruction has set the wheels in motion regarding Meliodas' demon secret finally being revealed to everybody.
Coming soon - Part 2: Cracks in the Mask (season 1 part 1)
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Taglist: @zorria
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zymstarz · 5 months ago
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
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#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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hecatesbroom · 4 months ago
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Another fic?? You bet! I almost finished this about 4 weeks ago, when I got sidetracked by the Dorothy gets dipped fic, so I finally managed to add the finishing touches here :) it's been in the works for about 3 months (off and on; many different projects got in the way) so I'm happy to finally be able to say it's done! (after that final edit at 3 am I posted about last night lol)
Summary
When Blanche announces that she thinks she's pregnant, each of the girls deals with it in her own way. (They find each other in Rose's bedroom in the end, for one reason or another.) // an exploration of S02E01: end of the curse, and what happens in between
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archduke-enver-gortash · 2 months ago
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i wish i could be normal. unfortunately (explosion sounds screaming in the background)
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todayisafridaynight · 7 months ago
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sorry if you've already been asked this but what did you think about eiji in iw? like idk i feel like they were trying to recreate a masato and ichi moment without actually having any of the elements that made their relationship narratively compelling.
as a whole, i thought eiji was at least a nice 'how he wished things couldve been' for ichi in regards to masato, but still being independent enough from the masato comparison to stand on his own as a character (or at least as an antagonist. his actions wasn't what was reminding me he was a masato parallel, but more so ichi's insistence he help him). i think thats why ichi and eiji's relationship don't have the same 'elements' that make their relationship interesting like masato and ichi's
#iw spoilers#not really but lol#snap chats#like what made masato and ichi interesting was their family dynamic and how they were narrative foils to each other#eiji isn't supposed to be that. both in-universe and meta wise he's just meant to remind ichi of masato not wholly replace him#and not replace who masato was in ichi's life. just yk. trick him for a bit fJALKAJ#i mean sure you can still find their relationship uninteresting with that in mind so just to me i thought it was cute at the very least#at least in that you can see ichi trying his hardest to connect with eiji#like you can tell he just doesn't want history to repeat even if he's mostly projecting his fears onto eiji#and the situation is not. equivocal LMAO but i digress#i don't feel strongly about eiji one way or another- i mean i liked how it was easy to tell he was going to be an antagonist vjlKJAJ#i dont mind that kind of thing though. i like being able to pick up on things being Not Right with a character or situation#so it was neat seeing how that culminated. still confused on what he was blackmailing chitose with but i assume it's family related#sometimes i think about how beau says eiji and ebina were meant to be rgg feeling bad about killing aoki and it makes me chortle vjalkvjla#anyway thats the end of my eiji prattle. oh ps i like how he actually had a chair that doesnt look painful to sit in#veyr cringe he turned out Not to be disabled but listen if i start talking about masato's disability again im gonna lose my mind#as i frantically close my thirty tabs about lung diseases/conditions and lung transplants and patients' anecdotes post operation
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sskk-manifesto · 8 months ago
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Osamu Dazai and the Depressing Era
#I have so many thoughts through my mind these days I was barely able to focus on the episode. I kept zoning out#I made barely any post#Okay some thoughts. The thing that really hit me since the first time watching b/sd... Is the–#“I don't kill people because I want to write about lives” “I start doing good because my friend asked me to”#Like I get grey morals and everything but also. Sorry for being so simplistic but I think everyone should do good / not kill people–#because killing people is bad lol. No because of other personal reasons#I really *really* feel b/sd ultimately has a very nihilistic approach to life.#And that when Oda said “You won't find a reason to live whether side you're on. Both sides are the same.” it's not Oda-character talking–#but it's really the author expressing their own worldview through the one character that's the most distinguished#They really think there's no difference between good and bad in their little nihilistic world.#Which is something I personally don't agree with.#“It is a given that everything that is worth wanting will be lost the moment I obtain it”#......... No it's not you just need to go to the shore and listen to the waves crush and the seagulls squeal dude. It's going to be okay.#That's why it's so easy to portray Dazai as perfect and flawless for the author btw.#Because nothing he ever did in the pm was wrong if “good” and “bad” don't mean anything to begin with.#And this is coming from a deeply relativist person. But I believe even grey morals have a limit.#Thus my general disagreement with most b/sd themes#I don't know why I went off this tangent btw I didn't intend to.#I suppose it bears repeating once in a while where I stand compared to the b/sd themes and my personal interpretation of them#(Even though I acknowledge most people don't agree with such interpretation... )#There were other things regarding the episode I needed to say but I forgot...#One of them was that season 2 Dark Era proves that even amv openings can actually be good if you put enough budget in them#Which makes me even more pissed at the season 3 / season 5 ops#random rambles
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gaytranszoro · 10 months ago
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sorry okay im rewatching whole cake w a friend and got obsessed with the vinsmokes this time around okay. sorry. however i am a liker of themes and motifs and doomed characters. sorrey.
#i just looovvee the ways the different families this arc are portrayed. big moms as an empire to be expanded.#beges as a loyal bond and structured organization#and ofcourse the vinsmokes as an army bound only by blood and not by love. and a commodity to be used/force to be strengthened#like sure they're all related but like. they do not act like a family even in the slightest. they don't even seem to really like each other#LOL just even w the charlottes you get the feeling they care about each other to an extent (ie katakuri and brulee or chiffon and lola)#but we rarely see any of the vinsmokes hold a conversation with each other let alone act like siblings.#(unless you count them like. abusing sanji as sibling bonding)#which i why i OBSESSSS over when reiju gets hurt you see one of them call out in concern.#n the (admittedly anime only) scene of yonji like helping a little. bear guy get a fruit off a tree. that shit cute as hell.#you get these like. moments of humanity with them that seep through the cracks of the carefully-constructed image of the Evil Germa Army yk#the way all the siblings turned out and the ways they compliment and contrast each other makes me think ab what could have been you know.#iirc reiju wound up how she is because her mother encourgaged her emptions and instilled a sense of humanity in her. proving they are all#capable of having that sense of morality the others just...didnt get it 1) bc sora died when they were so young and#2) bc judge had a VICE GRIP on them.#so they were doomed from the start.#their father wanted a perfect unfeeling obedient army of soldiers and he was going to get it by any means necessary#even if said soldiers are supposed to be his children#i do think the vinsmokes are deeply unforgivable but i also recognize tht like...they were victims of circumstance.#smthn smthn nature vs nurture#in another life i think they would have kicked ass together#idk im fuuucked upp off the green tea rn yk how it goes.....#.txt#idk how to be coherent abt them they just make me feel like pacing around my room with my head in my hands#its been said better by ppl with better grasps on character analysis than me but. abuse victims who suck. and are also assholes.#you mean everything to meeee
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thebigqueer · 2 months ago
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i dont wanna eat anything or do anything and i just wanna lay around but i also dont wanna do that and i dont wanna watch anything or read anything and idk what i wanna do
#i was supposed to have someone review my resume and i was banking on the fact that maybe talking to someone instead of being alone in my roo#would help me out but the whole appointment system maker thing was messed up so we couldnt even meet#so i literally hvae nothing better to do than wait the next few days to get back to campus#and i was soooo excited to go back to school and i still am cuz i know itll make me feel better being around people#but im just a lot less excited than i was#cuz i just really really hate the idea of having to spend another fall semester getting over someone#like i couldve probably handled spring semester. but fall semester???? when theres already enough desolateness as it is???#like i just hate hate htae the idea of being on buses and starting to cry again and its midnight at 4pm when im crying#and theres people everywhere and the wrost part is shes literally on the same campus as me!!! so now i might actually see her!!!#and i dont want to!!!#i want to be friends but right now i know if i see her again ill just start sobbing on the spot#i was so excited for thsi fall sem but now im just notttt#and i know ill be busier (hopefully) this sem so im sure ill be better off than last year#but still like. idfk i dont know what to do. i think i just need to hear someone elses voice#im supposed to talk to my friend later today so maybe thatll help#cuz im kinda ready to tell someone about it but what if she telsl me she cant call what am i suppsoed to doooo#cuz last year the person iw as getting over lived a bajillion miles from me so it was easier!!! but she and I live 5 mins from each other#AND SHES FREINDS WITH LIKE ALL MY ROOMMATES#THEYRE ALL HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS !!!!#GODDDD.#i mean there are def upsides to this . for example its good we broke up now#cuz imagine if we broke up cuz of a fight and then thered be a big issue in the friend group#but it ended well and i dont think our friends / roommates will be 'picking sides'#as long as i just dont do anything drastic lol#adn who knows maybe our friendship will bounce back and i really hope it does!!#but she and i didnt start off as friends we kinda went into this knowing we were into each other to begin with#so like how do i be friends with her you know???#and friendship is soo important to me so its not like i dont want to be friends with her. i really really do. i just dont know how itll wor#like i value friendship over romantic relationships any day but also our relationship felt so deep to me#which is why im scared that we wont be friends even though i know we both want to be
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johanthefriskiestofbits · 1 year ago
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oooooo please tell me (who knows nothing on the subject) about orv swap au
hehehe. hehehehehehe. hehehehehehehhehehehhheheheh <- guy who is so normal
the premise of orv swap au (name has yet to be finalized) is this: what if kdj and yjh swapped narrative positions (reader <-> character) but very little else? what if a video game player enters a time loop to save his favorite character from dying over and over again and also to end the apocalypse?
admittedly it's not super fleshed out yet (a lot of the changes this premise would introduce are still not hammered out yet) but here are some points under the cut (novel spoilers ahead!)
orv swap au starts with pro gamer yjh who feels :/ abt his job, but hey, it pays the bills. despite (or maybe because of) his relative popularity as a pro gamer and networking with the agency/sponsors/people to impress, he's kind of isolated in a way that's detrimental, a facade of someone he's not whenever he's on camera
something to play around with is the idea of agency? maybe this yjh doesn't feel like he has any and has his hands tied between the lifestyle and being under public scrutiny and not having enough of a support system to leave everything behind. maybe he doesn't know what else he would even do. maybe he's aimless and drifting with nothing to hold on to.
his favorite video game is what i've been thinking of as World's Hardest To Play Indie Game (not based on difficulty but just on the experience of consuming it) a boring, exposition heavy, player-hostile, poorly designed, slightly buggy mess of a barely-playable game: twsa, a game that was not finished upon release and experiences with sporadic updates every now and then.
the ending tree to this game is so convoluted its insane. also theres no save states so if you die (very likely) u restart babeyyy.
twsa (video game) does have multiple endings, all of which happen when kdj, your main character, dies. some are farther into the apocolypse than others, some paths require meta knowledge of future events or character actions or items or whatever. the "true ending" is either analogous to the original 1863: kdj makes it to the end at the cost of everyone he loves, or hsy's modified 1863: kdj makes himself enemy of the scenario to secure a way out for the kimcom remnants.
there's branches on the choices tree where everyone dies and everything sucks and is bad forever and theres choices to make where kdj gets to make a family and they don't really get to settle down but they can get pretty close to it among the ruins of the apocalypse. through all his testing, yjh finds that these endings are nice but peter out - to get to the end of the apocalypse yjh has to claw his way there inch by painful inch, through betrayal and sacrifice, and he still cant fully get past it
i originally wanted to finagle a yoohankim 3 way swap but i couldn't figure it out. swap aus are a lot easier to work with when they're even numbers, at least to me, so this au features a ysa who is a video game company employee by day and by night she really has become god this time (and also a terrible indie dev). and this is how jungdoksang can still win !!!!
also yjh's coworker from Real Life hsy :) i haven't decided if she's like an employee for the same agency, or if she's someone else in the gaming circles that yjh interacts with sometimes (in my heart theyre in like some sort of discord server together), or something like that but she's around. whatever she does she is twitter cancelled for something. to me.
the only other character swaps are lsk and yma. yma is yjh's estranged sister (in broad strokes there's a vague bad parent situation going on here) (they used to be close until they drifted apart and slowly started hating each other [there is an abyss between them that neither of them can bridge]) (he feels that she betrayed him and threw him under the bus so he left [maybe he gets kicked out]) (she feels that he abandoned her to whatever situation they have going on [he didn't even try to take her with him]) and he has to find her when the apocalypse starts. yjh older sibling to yma gives us a whole different little dynamic to explore from kdj ysk (there's different levels of responsibility and guilt and blame when you're talking siblings that are soooooo interesting to me. sorry that i see any set of siblings and immediately try to figure out how to make them worse)
lsk is kdj's mom who appeared into existence at some point with kdj and they were both just adults. that's weird isn't it. oh well. i guess she can become a transcendent later too for funsies
everyone else stays in the same configuration of Real Person vs Character to me this is a very important aspect
this point has no precedent with the swap, nothing particular that would change to cause this, but it would be so funny if lgy was a little gamer boy who is an avid yjh hater. hates that guy. shows up to competitions to boo him. tunes into yjh's silent no-mic speedrunning streams to mald in chat but yjh +mods don't ban him bc its kinda funny.
anyways the apocalypse starts when yjh and his coworker/fellow gamer hsy are on a train to twitchcon and lgy is also there (also headed to twitchcon) and he brings bugs because he likes them but also to sabotage yjh specifically. its just funny if this happened. you understand
instead of having reader-related skills and abilities, yjh's skills are video game player based! he gets flavor text insight on people, location, and items, things like that. notably, he has the ability to reset, to bring himself back to the beginning of the apocalypse
orv swap proper follows yjh as the Player of the Game (Consumer of the Narrative) who lives hundred of lifetimes in this ruined-world-become-reality "replaying" [read: time looping through] the game to reshape it to save his fave character from self implosion (kdj with no dissociation is very prone to dying. all the time.). to revisit the idea of playing with yjh and the idea of agency, of creation, the only way to get past the apocalypse is to go off the beaten path, to choose options that weren't even there in the game. when in space, at his darkest point, yjh becomes a writer. in this story, at his darkest point, he has to become a creator too
please do not ask me how the epilogues go i dont know how the epilogues go (i don't want to throw yjh back into a train for milennia after he Just went through a thousand resets so i'm sending kdj for that but i havent fully planned how or why)
anyways, hope that helps!!! :)
#orv au#orvswap#i think i will main tag this. just the one tag tho. poorly planned au be upon ye.#orv#orv spoilers#<- for blacklists!#i only realized after creating this au that this is just how p//mmm goes except its videogame themed and hater lgy is there lol#anyways wheres that post that says time loops are about tragedy and theyre about saying i will make this right#and secret third thing time loops are about love#also each individual dynamic for the creater-player-character triangle in this is so interesting to me to explore like#you have the new kdj-yjh one (mostly similar tbh. was the crux of the au after all) which is a fun space to play in#but then you have a brand new kdj-ysa one to work with which is !!!! a writer and her character. a creator and her creation#and then you have ysa-yjh as the creator and her audience of 1!!!!!!! where is yjh that he needs to be saved? how does ysa answer that call#to love to the point of creation.... to tear the world asunder..... to create the worlds most unplayable rpg.......#lets meet again in another life. ysa reaches out toward yjh but cant reach him before she wakes up. cant quite tell him its not his fault#and Dont Even get me Started on yoo sister dynamics ill go insane#because theyre siblings but for a while (and def at the beginning of the story) it hurts to be around each other (its a betrayal#its a pang in your chest its a you were supposed to protect me and you were supposed to love me and i dont even know you anymore)#but also the swap means the 4th wall eats yma and leaves yjh begging for her back ('dont you hate her?' 'shes my little sister'#which is neither agreement nor denial but also both at once)#its ya boi#tango mango#anyways thanks for the ask im very normal about the ask
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gibbearish · 1 year ago
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so like i want to talk more abt what suicidal means but the problem is "suicidal ideation presents in two general forms, active and passive. the thing most people think of as suicidal is the active version, where the person *actively* desires to be dead and/or is making a plan to get there. the passive form however gets almost no attention in media so many people experiencing it are unaware they are even depressed, much less passively suicidal. some examples: not wanting to experience death but feeling like you wouldn't mind if you didn't wake up tomorrow or just stopped existing; feeling deeply exhausted with just the entire concept of being alive; even feeling like you want to run away, change your name, and start a whole new life; none of these look like suicidal ideation to most people because they don't involve actively doing anything to get from point a to point b, especially the more abstract ones like the start a new life thing - but remember that in order to truly start a whole new life, you have to destroy your current one. it's not suicidal as in wanting to actually DIE die, it's just. wanting something close enough to scratch the itch. but just because you haven't booked the ticket doesn't mean you don't still revisit the 'vacation activities at point b' tab occasionally to daydream, yknow?" is i think very informative and specific, but its also quite long and run on-y so people are v likely to tap out like a third of the way through it, whereas "suicidal doesnt necessarily mean wanting to die" is way shorter and therefore catchier, but is also the kind of nonspecific phrasing that gets you a thousand angry anons about how you said all suicidal people are just pretending they actually want to die or some dumb shit. so it's a fun line to toe
#especially when youre far too lazy to dig up sources however if u google passive suicidal theres a lot of info#pretty front and center altho you will get jumpscared by the size 1000 font suicide hotline number#or maybe you wont but i sure was. why was it so big#in this house we simply post both as part of another hashtag relatable post in the hopes that the two for one bargain#will entice viewers to read the whole thing and go 'wait but /i/ feel like that what do you mean'#and then make a meta joke about it in the tags so the viewers think we're hip and cool#nah but seriously i see ppl not knowing abt this . so much and every time im like !!!!!!! no youre not crazy youre not supposed#to feel like this!!!!#so its one of the things where im like nah idc if im being annoying abt this as long as i hit the one (1) todays lucky 10000 who needs it#this one i dont remember seeing on any articles but id like to propose also that having trouble imagining your future can count too#and like obviously all of these have exceptions right like. ppl can just want to start a whole new life for non suicidal reasons#but if theres a pattern of these things or you find yourself being drawn back to one over and over again thats#when you should start being like ok somethings afoot#like the imagining ur future one you could easily have trouble visualizing things or even just Not Be Especially Imaginative#...or... it could be that deep down you dont feel like you /have/ one so your brain just. steers away from the subject entirely#and ykno. knowing which one it is is usually pretty helpful LOL#anyways. sorry theres no paragraph breaks i could not for the life of me figure out a good spot for them#/suicide#/suicide mention#/suicidal ideation#/depression#/death mention#and of course i think also like a lot of things this is more of a spectrum than a binary like obviously 'run away and#start a new life' is def a bit less active than 'id be ok w it if i didnt wake up tomorrow' but theyre still both on the lassive side#passive*#eugh im rambling now and not even in the slightly contained way the post itself is#im hitting post without rereading for the 40th time otherwise ill remember another tangent so if theres#any errors left my apologies
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druizard · 4 months ago
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Thirsty Tag Post v2
Alright it was time. My notes are overflowing with thirst. Peep the tags for my favorites!! Did you make the cut this time?
Most of these are from the Sweat Gale posts but I was very glad to see some more Rolan thirst this time!!
NEVER CHANGE!!!! <3
All tags are posted anonymously!
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