#starting ship discourse the way the lord intended

[jet-set-go-go]

Prucan is real and true in my heart of hearts. Fuck red velvet pancakes

Prussia got his skull caved in after this discussion

[gascon-en-exil]

One thing I've noticed about Edelstans' is that they have a tendency to call anyone who's a Dimitri fan or is against Edgey "gross fujos", so much that it almost comes off like a misogynist slur.

Has something happened recently? I'm so out of the discourse these days. I know Houses's fifth anniversary was last week, but beyond that I can't think of anything.

There's been some back-and-forth there over the years. For quite a while it was more common to go after (M/F) Dimileth shippers for self-inserting into a toxic bad boy ship, something that very often took on misogynistic undertones. From the Edelstan perspective this was fairly logical: Dimileth was and still is a larger pairing in fandom than any of Dimitri's M/M ships, and Edelstans themselves seem to ship Edeleth (usually but not always F/F) almost exclusively so the self-insert projection angle would be foremost in their minds. The fujoshi accusations started roughly around the time that the more belligerent elements in the fandom realized that most people active in the pro-Dimitri/Lions side of the discourse preferred to ship him with various men and bring up his abundance of gay subtext as a counter to his mischaracterization as an avatar of status quo conservatism. That of the two lords Edelgard is obviously the one more intended by the developers (of both Houses/Hopes and of supplementary material like in Cipher and FEH) as a romantic interest/sexual object, on account of how IS commodifies its female characters, is something that always gets lost in these conversations - and that tends to generate a lot of defensiveness if it's ever pointed out.

More generally, a lot of "anti-fujo" discourse in fandom spaces comes from a place of misogyny, specifically from a discomfort with women openly expressing their sexual interests in a way that makes straight men uncomfortable. I've always found it obnoxious that queer men are used as a prop in these arguments, as if we don't broadly benefit from the high visibility of M/M fanwork in transformative spaces and by and large don't care that it's mostly women producing these things. I might even suggest that the anti-fujo thing is also an indirect form of homophobia, using women as a proxy target for what is in reality disgust over depictions of explicit queer male sexuality.

[apathetic-revenant]

Hey I just wanted to say, Fuck the discourse. Those people aren't thinking and they have their heads up their asses. I'm sorry you're having to see or deal with any of this. I hope you create those stories one day sug

lord I was so nervous about getting hate for posting that, you have no idea how relieved I was to see this instead. thank you.

hell man, I’m not a confrontational person, I really don’t want to be a jackass to anyone, but this has been wearing on me bit by bit all week and I realized today that it’s getting to me more than the usual internet nonsense, and realized why it’s getting to me.

I understand the frustration with the lack of representation in media right now, but representation is never going to be one-size-fits-all. that’s why we need more of it in the first place, because no one show--and certainly no one relationship in one show--no matter what the creators do or what they make canon, is going to fulfill everybody’s needs.

this is especially going to be the case with something like Good Omens. this is a book that’s been out, and had a dedicated following, for almost thirty years now. that is a lot of time for a lot of people to bring their own meaningful interpretations to these characters, but now people are acting like there was One True Gay Answer all along and doing anything other than making that explicitly canon is a moral failing on Gaiman’s part.

it just...it makes me nervous. it really does. I can imagine it happening to me too easily. I can imagine, too easily, writing something that I didn’t think was romantic but someone else sure did, and getting the jokes, and then getting the anger for not making it canon. I mean, I understand that shipping is going to happen, and everything goes in fanfic, and that’s fine, people can do whatever the fuck they want out there--but when we get into the territory of people insisting that a character being [x], well, that’s obvious, the creator could only be a coward for not making it canon...it starts sounding like “I know this character better than you do so if you think they’re something else you’re wrong” which sounds a lot like “I know you think you know you’re ace but I don’t believe that so you’re wrong.”

and I’m sure that most people don’t mean it like that. I understand the importance of reclaiming material that doesn’t include room for you in it. I understand the importance of carving a space for yourself in the stories you enjoy. but if you’re not careful you can wind up pushing other people out of that space in the process.

I have been through the experience of interpreting or relating to characters as ace only to get told canonically or close-to-canonically that “ha ha, no, don’t be silly, of COURSE they’re not” multiple times. I’m used to it. it hurts. if Good Omens had done that, it would have hurt. I wouldn’t have been surprised. I would have shrugged and said, welp, that’s what usually happens. but it would have hurt all the same.

but I also would never ever have wanted the show to do the reverse and say “oh they’ve never been romantically attracted and anyone who thought so was wrong.” that’d be terrible and hurtful to all the people who thought that over the past thirty years. coming down canonically on any one particular interpretation of Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship would always have left someone hurt.

I can’t imagine that the authors ever anticipated the book becoming as popular as it did, let alone becoming a miniseries getting discussed on tumblr in 2019, and they didn’t exactly write it with the representation needs of thirty years in the future in mind. but they’ve been warm and open to a fanbase that did see the characters as a couple, and Gaiman’s been very upfront about the series and his intentions and why he made the choices he did from the moment it started production. he’s never been flippant or dismissive about the feelings people have towards the book or the interpretations they bring to it.

I think he had a hard balance to strike there but I think he did the best he could. I know a lot of people see him saying “I didn’t want to rule out them being ace or aro” as “I’m not willing to say that they’re gay.” but I saw a creator I admire saying “I acknowledge that you exist, and the way you relate to this material is valid.” and I cannot begin to tell you how much that meant to me. I almost cried.

I want my writing to be diverse. I want, and intend, to have as wide a spectrum of characters as possible, with a wide spectrum of relationships among them. but I also want space to write about things that are important to me, that I don’t get to see in media very much or at all. and this past week has made that potential space feel smaller and less accessible. 

anyway that was probably a way longer response than was really necessary, but it’s late. I need to go to bed and not think about this anymore.

[coneycat]

This is when I miss Livejournal a little, because sometimes a person just wants to deliver a tiny rant and not enter into a Discourse. However, here we are.

Last night I reblogged a post about Titanic, and then re-reblogged it to go “and one more thing!” It’s funny how Titanic posts seem to encapsulate some of the stuff I find frustrating about conversations on Tumblr. [And here is the cut, because I find long posts annoying to scroll past and I am probably not alone.]

The post last night begins with an article which I admit I did not read, because it was the followup discussions that caught my attention. The first reblog included the quite incredible statement that “Titanic was built for comfort, not for speed” and therefore would not have been going particularly fast during the crossing, and therefore... well, something about a conspiracy surrounding the circumstances of the sinking, which the next reblogger amplified.

But that argument falls at the first hurdle, because Titanic and other transatlantic steamers were not Carnival cruise ships, and of course they were built for speed. The big liner companies vied for the transatlantic crossing record and took it pretty seriously, because in those days the only way to cross the Atlantic was by ship. Lindbergh didn’t fly across the Atlantic until 1927, and transatlantic flights certainly weren’t routine immediately after that. So the rich passengers wanted to cross in comfort, but they were crossing the ocean because they had things to do on the other side. They generally weren’t crossing just for the sake of the cruise, and they didn’t want to fritter about for five days if another line could do the crossing in four. And remember there were over 700 passengers in steerage. The White Star Line was absolutely in the business of moving people from one place to another, and they wanted to do it as fast as possible.

The last comment in the reblogged post ends with the fairly Tumblr-typical statement that “everyone thinks the tragedy was unpreventable!” This is the kind of thing that drives me nuts on Tumblr, someone stating a position that flies in the face not only of common sense but common knowledge, and pretending it’s what “everyone else” believes so they can pretend to be the font of knowledge. Nobody thinks the Titanic tragedy was unpreventable. Nobody. Facts have been chewed over, blame apportioned, and fingers pointed for literally one hundred years, from the two original boards of inquiry onwards. Just stop it. 

Also, as a friend of mine says, anyone who believes in gigantic conspiracies and coverups has never worked on a group project. Ever. Apart from the women of Bletchley Park, no group is that good at doing their bit and keeping their mouths shut.

And while I am at it, that post that goes around periodically, telling the story of RMS Carpathia and her utterly competent captain, Arthur Rostron? Also common knowledge. It floors me when that post is reblogged with comments like, “No one knows this! I have read about Titanic all my life and I had never heard of the heroic Carpathia!” The only sensible reply to that statement is, then read better scholarship. Because the role of Carpathia is absolutely common knowledge. (Although I concede that, since I live in Halifax, Nova Scotia, my view might be skewed. And it that looks like a non sequitur, read better Titanic scholarship.)

Truly. The first thing I ever read about Titanic was a scruffy old book published in late 1912, and republished for the centenary, called The Sinking of the Titanic and Other Great Sea Disasters. (My parents had a lot of scruffy old books that were more interesting than they looked.) That book included lots of information on Carpathia and her captain. And pictures! EJ Pratt wrote about Carpathia in his poem “Titanic” which was published in 1935. Walter Lord, in his 1955 book A Night To Remember (the book which is often credited with kicking off the modern fascination with the sinking) wrote extensively about Carpathia and Rostron. Lord’s book is only about 200 pages long. It’s the common starting place for folks wanting to know about Titanic. Wikipedia includes links to Carpathia’s story in its entry on Titanic. I find it difficult to believe that anyone could read more than two decent sources on Titanic and not run across Carpathia. (And don’t blame James Cameron for not including that story-- Cameron wasn’t making a documentary. He was openly making a fictional movie about a make-believe romance, “set against the backdrop of” real events, which is absolutely a thing artists do. I don’t care for his movie, but I’m not blaming it for not being a thing it was never intended to be.)

In summary... I don’t know. Be critical. Look at other sources. And don’t fucking take everything on Tumblr at face value or assume Tumblr posts are giving you secret information without double checking. Tumblr likes to pretend it’s giving out information that’s otherwise suppressed by The Man, but just because you personally don’t know a thing doesn’t mean a ton of other people don’t know it already. They do. And they’ve written books about it.

[ghostcaterwaul-doesnt-write]

This Was Intended To Be A Short Little “Fun Fact” Thingy About My (Possibly) Abandoned WIP But It Got A Little Long

I had a really difficult time deciding what I wanted to happen a lot of the time. Like, there was a point while outlining that I was like, “I can think of at least 3 different ways things could go from this point on and they’ll all eventually cause some pretty big changes in the plot.”

So I started formatting an outline that was like a mind map kinda thing to show the different possibilities for the storyline so I could just get the outline done and decide which version I wanted to write after the outline was finished. I still had a really difficult time choosing which version I wanted to write after mind mapping because I felt like they were all so good, even though they all kinda went in drastically different directions and ended up being drastically different stories.

I ultimately ended up choosing the version that I felt was less likely to get me, like, fucking crucified despite the fact that in my experience, you’re less likely to end up with issues like shipping wars, headcanon discourse, and antis in smaller fandoms and the Metal Lords fandom has absolutely no drama whatsoever. Lmao. I ended up just like, ditching the mind map and going back to my usual outlining method.

But I was looking at the mind map and it kinda made me wish that Ao3 had an option to format a choose your own adventure type of thing even though that would have been such a pain in the fucking ass to write (not to mention the rating, tags, ships, and trigger warnings would have varied wildly depending on what story thread someone chose to follow) because I really do love all the options I had laid out.

But like, I didn’t even finish mind mapping all the different ideas I had because even that started stressing me out and so I couldn’t imagine trying to write and piece all that shit together. Also, I had so many different ideas and my brain was so all over the place that I started mapping out like, multiple different fanfics at once. Like, even looking at the mind map just now made me want to fucking scream and I’m probably never going to look at it again because oh my god it was becoming a mess, like, I literally ended up with multiple fucking mind maps because it was like any fucking idea I ever had for a Metal Lords fic that would prominently feature an OC (or sometimes multiple OCs) was jumping out at once and that’s why I don’t usually outline using mind maps because every time I’ve ever tried to, it’s an absolute mess.

[sleepdragon]

Media Literacy and Fandom

I've been reading a lot of misinformation that speaks to lack of understanding of the media and how it works which leads to unnecessary outrage or premature outrage.  I’m just going to try and shed a little light on some of the problem areas I have witnessed lately and hopefully challenge some of the outrage discourse surrounding these.

First, regular, recurring and guest star.  The definition of these are a little different than they used to be, but here’s the general gist.

Regular The star is contracted for a set number of episodes, not necessarily every episode, and is in the title sequence.  Title sequence =‘s regular.

Recurring Recurring characters often start as guest stars, but sometimes can be a former regular.  They play major characters that often return periodically in order to further the story.  They usually reappear when both story and schedule permit. 

They’re billed as guest star or special guest star.  Special guest star billing incurs a greater fee and is usually reserved for well known actors.  It can also be negotiated or given to other actors who have played an important role in the series.

Guest Star Someone that appears usually for an episode or 2.

Recurring has become the new regular in some cases.  They don’t get the benefits (or pay) of the regulars, but the story gets the benefit of their character.  Additionally it works for the actor too because they get the freedom to pursue other interests/jobs when not at work.

When Floriana was announced as a recurring for season 3, for many reasons a lot of fans assumed that would mean she would be a regular presence within the series.  Speculation based on interviews, or other various sources (many of which were questionable) lent itself to this too.  Unfortunately the truth is when someone wants to move on a recurring role is a great way of keeping their foot in the door, but ultimately they intend to pursue other opportunities.

Ratings Ploy

This is a term I have seen thrown around a lot recently, specifically in relation to information that the fandom has been fed by paparazzi.  Events that occur for ratings lets be honest that’s actually the point of television are promoted through official sources.  This is either through official promotions, or interviews, it is not through the paparazzi.  I’ll address the issue of the paparazzi later in the piece.

This leads into the issue of -

Queerbaiting

Queerbaiting is intentionally luring queer fans to a show on a promise of a queer relationship they don’t intend to have.  Or, like the 100, it was a concerted and continued effort to go into fan spaces and promote a relationship they they knew they were going to kill off.  Literally.

Supergirl did not enter fan spaces with the promise that Sanvers was a forever relationship.  Nor did they lure people into the show on the promise of a relationship that wont happen.

The ship sailed.

What I see as the issue here is there is a misunderstanding between fan and exec.  For example, the exec will state that the coming episodes will “honour the love” of these characters - this leads the fan to believing that the only way to honour that love is through a long term committed relationship.  Just because fan expectation of that phrase seems counter to what we may get (we don’t know anything until we see the episodes, in context), it doesn’t mean the execs have lied or that they are queerbaiting - it just means that there is a different reading of the same phrase.  Speaking solely for myself, it’s actually possible to honour a relationship and have it end.  They are not mutually exclusive.

To that end I also want to quickly address the fandoms catch cry of -

CW is trash. 

There is this general idea that because the show is on the CW that the show suddenly became shit (I think this is majorly from people who didn’t watch first season as it aired) and a more poorly represented on than we would have on CBS.  It’s important to note that if the show was still in CBS that Alex would not be gay, that Lord and Alex would be baited like hell even though Maxwell Lord was a sociopath, and the show would not have been written better.

From episode one the show has used a sledge hammer for it’s social commentary, it’s writing has been all over the shop.  It has never been a good tight show, but it had heart.  It had the Danvers Sisters, Cat and Space Dad. Season 2 just built on the problems and inconsistancies of season 1, and created some new ones by isolating the characters into relationships.  Same thing would have happened if it stayed on CBS. 

Ali Adler leaving the show didn’t instantly make it a worse show either... There is zero evidence her continued presence of show runner would have changed anything unfortunately.

Yes, I am aware of the history of CW in killing of gay characters and their mistreatment of POC - but the reason why we attribute it more to CW is because they have more of both in the first place.  Every other network have the same problems, but their level of representation is far lower so is sneaks under the radar in a way the CW doesn’t.

Additionally, CW don’t own the show they broadcast it.  It’s a WB and Berlanti Production, so while CW can gives notes, ultimately they aren’t responsible for the decisions.

Lastly I want to address the issue of -

Paparazzi

The paparazzi’s job is to stalk people for money, literally.  Think about it for a moment, the people that are spreading the rumours on what may happen in future episodes is stalking your fave.  Is cornering them at airports, on the street

and outside their homes

. So why are they being listened too?  Why are we, as a fandom who brags about how much we love our fav still have the gumption to apply such cognitive dissonance?

It confuses me.

The particular paps who are promoting the upcoming episode narrative are also on selling to fans.  This means that if they are actively hooking fans into their sphere in order to continue to make money from them through the sale of photographs and autographs.  Many of which were obtained by violating the privacy of your fave.

Now even if the rumour mongering is true, it lacks context and it also is highly preedited information.  We do not know what we are going to ultimately see, neither do they.  But really, they don’t even care.

One of the paps likes to report that Melissa was seen at the airport, but she was suffering from anxiety so we respected her and didn’t take photos.  Really?!?

You don’t get a prize for being a decent human being.

You were there to stalk her, so still no prize.

You have camped out outside of her house, any option of anything that resembles a prize is withdrawn in perpetuity.

Yet fans thanked him for being respectful.  Thanked him.  And hey, it totally worked for him long term because he himself now has a fanbase.  The stalker who is making money of our faves private moments is getting rewarded both financially and with a virtual pat on the back.

And that’s why they spread the outrage.  That’s also why logically you should take everything with a grain of salt.

[dudebroreg]

I agree that it is weird and is supposed to be weird; weird enough to cause a huge branch and then further explained to the audience how weird it is by Mobius, and that it is an intended metaphor for loving oneself that will be a hit for some and miss for others. I mean, we’re dealing with a character who like a couple days ago in his own timeline tried to enslave all of Earth because he thought that would be a dope way to stick it to his dad and brother, so I’m not too bothered with him making a cosmically unconventional romantic choice (since they are, again, not narratively promoting something harmful in real life with this storyline). What I’m trying to hone in on is that people do this thing where when something on a show doesn’t mesh with them, not only is it a “I don’t like this” but it also has to go into this deep dive into why that thing is a problem beyond being not that person’s cup of tea, and likening this to incest was to me a particularly far reach in that super common fandom practice. We know that one of Sylvie’s biological parents was a version of Laufey and that her adoptive father was a version of Odin etc. just as there is probably some adjacent story for alligator Loki. ... Would it be incesty if Loki made out with that alligator? I mean, that would be problem for a whole bunch of other reasons, yes, but I’m going to go out on a limb that they probably don’t have the same genes? And certainly don’t perceive themselves as siblings? I’m elaborating on this aspect because you said it’s more like cloning Wolverine but is it though? /thor

Also do you think about the optics of this stuff in every story where there is a human who has a romantic and/or sexual relationship with a human-shaped outer space alien? You know that you’re technically watching an interspecies coupling and that those characters are not optimal for reproduction either, and more importantly, there’s a good chance that them having sex could cause a whole bunch of disease and stuff, right? Mating outside of your species can literally kill people but I don’t think anyone really cares about Star-Lord and Gamora getting it on for that reason. Because (due to the circumstance in that story and its irrelevancy to our lives unless we actually started mingling with humanoid aliens and had to figure those new social norms out) it just does not matter. And in story, they’ll probably just say that there are no such issues and that they can have all the disease free sex they want or even healthy half human half outer space alien babies. Because fuck it, why not?

What you said about “most people are just angry because” is in my opinion the reality for the most part for why this discourse is even happening in the fandom. There are people who wanted to see the male character paired with someone else, in this case Mobius, and that didn’t happen, so now it has to go beyond that and as a disingenuous form of attack Sylvie/Loki is likened to something it is nothing like... thinly veiling what most people really want to say with “uhhhh guys y’all support sibling sex now? Couldn’t be me! Imagine being immoral and shipping selfcest srtgjoisrjgtoritgj”.

I would have been here for Loki and Mobius going the route of allies to friends to lovers and can easily see how the story could have been written that way and been done well, and I can see how that’s disappointing, and I can see how someone hoping for that would be upset.

... but can’t they just say that?

Is it, like, hard to say “I really wanted for this show to go the route of the titular character being in a male/male relationship with a character I feel he has a lot of chemistry with and I feel that that would be stronger and bolder than the narrative choice that they made” without altering those words into “this storyline is problematic because Sylvie and Loki are basically like family, sort of like long lost siblings or clones of each other, and Marvel should be careful about promoting incest adjacent storylines because it is major cringe”?

It’s just super transparent and using a real issue like incest as a smokescreen in a crappy way.

I’m sure who needs to hear this but “selfcest” is not a thing that is comparable in any way to any real life crime or wrongdoing and is therefore not setting a bad example about anything and is therefore not a problematic component that needs to be called out. Anyone can like or not like a pairing, but this is like the pinnacle of reaching to explain why the pairing someone doesn’t like is also “inappropriate” or “toxic.” Falling for (if you take the framing and Mobius’s words at face value) an alternate timeline version of yourself is not a thing anyone will have an opportunity to do nor is it likely that any impressionable mind is going to watch this show and then feel like falling in romantic love with oneself is the move.

If you are going the genetic route with this, the sci-fi on this is so vague that it’s not even concrete that they are biologically family even if they share some cosmic Loki oneness. Just the fact that Sylvie established she was born as the Goddess of Mischief and one Loki is Black makes their physical “sameness” a question mark that will probably never be answered (and yes, people of different races/sexes/genders can be related to each other before someone points out the obvious. That’s not the point I’m making here 😂) and really doesn’t need to be answered because it’s not pivotal to the story nor is it an action anyone can repeat in real life.

… Also apparently one of them is a fucking alligator or something, though I will wait and see if that is its natural form. If it is, they are definitely not biological fam.

Like or don’t like them, whatever, but do we need to construct completely made up “problems”? Some of y’all are saying “we don’t support selfcest” like it’s an epidemic that the show is now normalizing. There’s only one physical real life act you even could compare it to, and if you are reading this, chances are you do it to yourself. … If you are here on a regular basis, chances are you do it to yourself more often than the average person in lieu of someone to do it for you, and that is okay too.

Love yourself… like Loki.

[dontbeallupinmyfriesdawg]

I would be interested about your opinion on Karamel, but I find your endeavor strange. Why do you care if you do not watch the show? How do you intend to forge yourself an opinion based on hearsay and second hand informations? Do you simply wish to understand what's the fuss is all about or is it something else?

Hi hun, 

This is very simply a mission to find out what all the fuss is about. 

I’ll explain, I watch/ed the Vampire Diaries and ship Bonkai, one half of Bonkai is played by Chris Wood, I like Chris Wood as a person/celebrity as well as the ship; hence I follow a lot of Bonkai and Chris Wood centred blogs.

A lot of Bonkai shippers appear to ship Karamel also, additionally tumblr keeps suggesting a lot Karamel blogs to me (because of the people I follow understandably), I see a lot of discourse of my dash and I kind of just wanted someone to summarize the arguments for me so I could get where each side is coming from.

For me, it’s less about forming an opinion and more about understanding the issue. The main reason I care is because people appear to be really heated in this fandom - like really heated. Everyone is defensive about their ships and passionate about their otps, lord knows I understand from my experiences in my own fandom but I don’t think I’ve seen fandom discourse quite like this since I’ve been on tumblr. The other day I saw a post on my dash saying that nobody who ships karamel should reblog anything from this person ever and then a whole group of karamels went out of their way to reblog the post, I’ve heard that someone made a post with a list of all the karamel blogs that should be blocked by others in the fandom. 

I see people receiving asks and discussing it all the the time and my curiosity got the better of me. I thought, in the spirit of fairness, instead of just asking one of my Karamel shipper mutuals or an anti for information I figured I’d extend it out to the entire fandom to respond. I tried to tag the main ships to get a range of different perspectives.

It’s been pointed out to me that I’m unlikely to get a unbiased response from anyone, but I have to say people like yourself have been very helpful in giving me both sides of the argument and being very mature and I thank you for that. There have been some more passionate responses from several people but all and all the outcome has been better than I expected.

It’s also been pointed out to me that I could just watch the show (s2 I believe) or go on youtube and watch some clips.

I was reluctant to do that because 

A) I don’t mess with CW shows any longer because all the shows I have watched (TVD, TO, Reign) have screwed me or others over, had terrible writing/plot planning and had major issues with diversity and the treatment of women.

B) I have enough ships and shows and if I get sucked into supergirl and start shipping one of the ships it’s just gonna be a world of pain for me.

and

C) DC superhero shows aren’t really my jam, I’m more into Marvel and Dc movies tbh.

As for my opinion. I won’t say that I’m either pro or anti-Karamel based on what I’ve heard and considering the fact that I don’t even watch the show. I wholeheartedly understand why ppl take issue with the ship (e.g: the writers excusing misogyny, the glossing over of the whole slavery thing, sidelining James etc) and I also get why some ppl defend the ship and find it cute and not as harmful as a ship as everyone says it is. 

To me, it seems like the Karamels believe they are shouted over and criticised harshly in the fandom for shipping what they ship and the antis seem frustrated because to them karamel propagates harmful values and ideals that they feel are being ignored.

That’s my take on it anyway. I hope that clears it up for you.x

[bronanlynch]

recent media consumption summary time

could’ve sworn the last one was only two weeks ago but apparently it was three. sorry for becoming unmoored from the passage of linear time

listening: you know when you use a song lyric as a fic title and then you get that song stuck in your head for the next week? anyway Whirlpool by Sea Wolf sure is a song that I enjoy and also have had stuck in my head for a week. I feel like I should have smarted musical things to say here but I like Sea Wolf, they’re nice to listen to, they’re sad man with guitar music without being identical to every other sad man with guitar band

reading: finished my reread of Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo, and my main thought this time around is that I love Kaz with my whole entire heart. also love a good multi-layered heist scheme. also also Wylan/Jesper is cute but I do think they don’t get nearly as much relationship development as the two m/f couples and like, I really like these books but that is very much a trend especially in sff YA these days

also finished Lord Seventh (Qi Ye) by Priest and. god I love the characters so much. a friend group can just be a bunch of horrible gay people pining for each other and betraying each other in order to save each other’s lives. extremely tasty. also,

(I would say that missed opportunity is my one complaint but like. my actual main complaint is that as much as I love the characters, I think that if the racism in your text is blatant enough that I, a white american with very little knowledge of the specific racial coding happening can pick up on it, then it’s uh. probably pretty blatant and that’s Not Great)

also did some pride month impulse purchases at my local indie bookstore, including Molly Knox Ostertag’s The Girl from the Sea, a lesbian selkie graphic novel, which did so many things to my heart. first of all the art is so pretty

second of all, I too have been lonely and starting to realize that I’m gay while living in a beach town with a summer tourism economy, drifting apart from a friend group that I didn’t feel like I was part of and wishing I was literally anywhere else even though I loved the ocean. third of all, gay selkies

also read The Witch King by H.E. Edgmon which I enjoyed even though I am definitely not the target audience for first person present tense novels, even if those novels are portal fantasies about fae power struggles and arranged marriages. I really enjoyed the three main characters and their relationships, and the worldbuilding was fun, though the twist at the end (and lots of parts of the ending tbh) felt a little bit abrupt to me. also, and this is a personal thing, but someday I would love to read a fantasy novel with a transmasc character that actually feels like it reflects my experiences. I guess that’s part of the problem with looking for this in YA, but that’s where I tend to see transmasc protagonists so here I am. anyway, valid for anyone but especially trans teens to want to read a narrative about someone being loud and open about their identity but that’s not my experience. which I think is why I tend to construct my own trans narratives around characters who like, aren’t canonically trans but have themes about lying and hiding and being defensive about their image because *that’s* a trans experience I actually relate to.

I’ve started In Deeper Waters by F.T. Lukens, which is not a book I intended to buy but 1) look at the cover

2) I am weak for gay people on the sea. it’s fun so far, I’m not expecting any sort of in-depth anything about royal power but it’s cute and light and I’m having a good time. my main complaint is again a personal thing, which is not actually a complaint about the book itself and more about twitter discourse about how there should never be homophobia in sff that takes place in different worlds and how we’ve had enough of that so everything should take place in a world where it’s fine and normal to be queer. and again, that’s fine! I do enjoy books like that! I am currently enjoying a book like that! but again, I have a harder time relating to characters whose queerness isn’t mediated by fear the way mine is (this book sidesteps that by making the main character a very anxious person, which helps increase the relatability, but also. there’s this whole thing about how people distrust him and there are rumors about his ~perversion and yeah it’s about his secret hidden magic but. felt very weird to have that set-up and then not have homophobia play any part in the way other people talk about him, y’know? like please, stigmatized magic as a parallel for stigmatized sexuality is Right There)

watching: finished Nirvana in Fire and am having lots of normal and moderate emotions about it. belongs in my mental categories of “media I want to consume over and over again and take it apart and figure out how to write like that” and also “things I want to rewatch when I have enough energy to appreciate it” because I do think if I weren’t so tired these days I could’ve tried to have predictions instead of waiting for the characters to explain their plans to me, as much as I do love it when attractive people smirk at the screen and monologue about their schemes

also watched most of Castlevania season 4 (I have 3 episodes left) and it’s. well. it’s not Good but it’s a lot better than season 3. however, I only care about a few of the plotlines and everything else is kinda boring. I like Alucard’s plotline and I like Greta and I liked the two scenes where Hector and Isaac interacted and I liked the vampire lesbians deciding that being gay was more important to them than doing war crimes. cannot be bothered to care about anything else though, especially St. Germain. more importantly, Alucard’s new look fucks. love the whole cape + tits out thing.

finally got around to watching the end of the first season of Elementary and once again, I enjoy it when people explain complicated plans to me. love a good mystery. also, predictably, I’m in love with Moriarty. her first two dates with Sherlock are about art forgery and Roman artifacts in the London sewers, how was I supposed to *not* fall in love with her. also every time she interacts with Joan after the reveal has extremely homoerotic energy. ladies is it gay to become psychosexually obsessed with a woman who outplotted you

also, very importantly, my roommate realized I’d never seen Tsubasa OVAs, and they sure are an experience. I read the entire manga in like two days in a fugue state last winter and remember very little of the plot of the second half of the story, so the second OVA which is like. a random section of the late plot was kind of a lot to try to process at once, though I do appreciate one of the main ships doing a Gift of the Magi thing except instead of selling treasured possessions to get each other gifts they’re sacrificing parts of themselves. however the first one is my favorite arc, because it should not surprise anyone that the post-apocalyptic vampire arc is my favorite. also, I don’t need to remember the actual plot to remember and appreciate how much of an Eliot-core character Fai is. look at him. prettyboy ice wizard pretending to be flirty and performatively useless to hide his trauma. also he’s a vampire. he sets off the cosplay and gender envy parts of my brain so much

playing: nothing new since last time, just more Tidepools and Beam Saber. maybe someday I will play a video game again

making: got to cook for just the two of us last week instead of having to find something that everyone would eat, so Zan and I finally got to make chicken marsala from this recipe and it was extremely good. next time we’re gonna double the mushrooms though I think, the recipe didn’t make quite enough compared to the amount of chicken

someday I will make non-food things again but unfortunately, when most of your energy has to go to either cooking and cleaning for other people or trying to get other people to cook and clean,

writing: posted three new fics: the Persona selkie AU, the Nirvana in Fire miserable sapphic makeout fic, and a slice-of-life Persona fic for an exchange, and worked on a couple of other things that are still secret for zine reasons