#still offering them $5 cos ive lost the plot

[charmac]

"Content collapsed. Frank shoots Every Member of the Gang. Dennis and Mac get into inflatable furniture"

Not even the bootlegs are trying anymore…

[hermannsthumb]

"newt isn’t sleazy and is also too busy wrestling with the ethics of hitting on his hot TA if the guy is 5 months older than him to even notice" pleeeease write this

Anonymous asked: "When I Kissed the Teacher" AU ft professor newt and his hot 5-month-older TA hermann

and coincidentally, this older one

Anonymous asked: i just rewatched mamma mia 2 and was wondering if i could request a "when i kissed the teacher" newmann fic?? love your writing!!!!!!

Ask And Ye Shall Receive. sorry ive been MIA 😔 concept from this post I made earlier this month. idk what class newt teaches that hermann would be qualified to TA for but just like, decide for yourselves

---------------------

Newt’s never been a list-making kind of guy, or--for that matter--even really a planning ahead kind of guy, but certain circumstances have thrown his life more out of wack than usual lately, and he kind of needs the stability the like of things like lists offer. Desperate times and everything. Or, at the very least, Newt is desperate. 

So Newt plans, and plots, and deliberates, and he even agonizes a little, but most of all, he makes a list.

On one half of the page, he writes pros. On the other, he writes cons. On top, he writes--what else?--Hermann.

The problem started in late August. Newt knew for months he was going to be assigned a teaching assistant come that semester--it was him, after all, who’d suggested it to the dean in the first place--but the Hermann Gottlieb of extensive, impressive, overachieving CV and overly-former cover letter was a far cry from Hermann Gottlieb in the flesh. Newt expected a dork, frankly. Someone too socially awkward to feel brave enough to thank someone for holding a door open for him. He expected a PhD student so eager to please he’d cater to Newt’s every whim, whether it was grading horrendous freshman lab reports or fetching him a sandwich from the commissary between class sections. 

They met for the first time at the campus coffee shop. Hermann was dressed in an oversized pair of slacks, a threadbare green sweatervest, and honest-to-God saddle shoes; the buttons of his Oxford were done up all the way, from the collar to the cuffs, and an ornate cane was settled against his thigh. His haircut was tragic. “Dr. Geiszler,” he said, all clipped and English, and held his hand out to Newt. “Hermann Gottlieb. It is a great pleasure to meet you. I’m an admirer of your work.”

"Sup,” Newt said, and tried to bump their fists together.

Newt knew he was in deep shit then. It wasn’t just because Hermann was gorgeous (which he was, in a sort of weird, frumpy, ripped-outta-1945 way), or that the scowl he proceeded to level Newt with made his soul wither and his heart race a little bit too fast, but both of those things in conjunction with a big one: Newt was, and is, so fucking love-starved. It’s an unfortunate byproduct of being made a professor when he was as young as he was and completing a PhD before he completed puberty. His early twenties should’ve been spent dyeing his hair terrible colors and adding to his already impressive tattoo collection and having questionable hookups with other young twentysomethings; unfortunately, the only young twentysomethings Newt ever seems to come across are his students, and he has a very strict code of ethics. Not to mention it wasn’t like he was getting any action before that as a weird, gangly teenager with peers several years his senior. He was bound to latch onto the first genius hottie who crossed his path who wasn’t trying to flirt their way into bumping that B- to a B+. And better yet, Hermann is five whole months his senior!

The shit only got deeper when the semester started. No, Hermann was not the sort to fetch Newt sandwiches, or coffee, or Aspirin from his office, nor was he the sort to handle the dreaded lab reports (at least not unless Newt handled them with him), and he definitely wasn’t eager to please. Newt, anyway. If anything the opposite was true: he seemed to actively derive enjoyment from undermining Newt at every turn.

“Wrong,” he’d mutter during class if Newt screwed something up in a lecture, or “No, Geiszler, you’re doing it wrong again,” or “How in the blazes did you get three bloody PhDs when you can’t even do simple addition?” and snatch Newt’s dry erase marker away to scrawl his own answers on the whiteboard. It was less like having a TA and more like having...well, a bitchy, annoying co-teacher. Or, God help Newt, a colleague. And boy, did he wave those five months over Newt’s head like a fucking flag. Newt was immature; inexperienced; clearly not as serious about his studies--his completed studies--as Hermann. Meanwhile Newt’s class (bright young twenty somethings, taller than Newt, cooler than Newt, with more friends than Newt) would giggle and snicker, and Hermann would look smug.

It drove Newt fucking batty.

It also made him, like, super turned on.

The two can co-exist. Apparently. Hermann Gottlieb is already helping Newt discover new and existing concepts; what a fucking excellent TA he is. Someone give that man a raise.

So Newt draws up a list, and he writes Pros, and he writes Cons, and he writes Hermann. The pros are regrettably easy to come up with, because Hermann is Hermann, and (bitchiness and undermining of Newt aside) it’s unfair how many he has. Hot. Stupid sexy accent. Stupidly smart. This is crossed out and replaced with so smart he makes me feel stupid (in a good way), because it seems like an important distinction. Glasses on chain. Mysterious. (In a tall, dark, and handsome way. Sort of. Average height--which is tall to Newt, pale, and handsome. He still scowls more than he talks, which makes him feel mysterious. In a Bronte sort of way. Newt can picture Hermann drawing a billowing cloak around his shoulders and stalking some desolate moor in the moonlight, though in this case maybe’s more of a puffy parka than a cloak.) In tiniest font of all is makes me laugh, because Hermann does, goddamn it, with his snide asides and cutting remarks and sarcasm, often not even directed at Newt when it’s just the two of them alone in Newt’s office at night.

The placement of “is my TA” on the chart is acting as a particular annoyance to Newt, entirely on account of the fact that he can think of several pros and cons for that as well, and he’s not sure whether to nestle it between dark eyelashes and once called me a moron in front of my class and I got a hard-on or beneath sweaters smell like sweat and mothballs, has annoying tic of clearing throat when lost in thought, and the dick wins 86% of our arguments. Sexy forbidden fling. Abuse of power. Is older than me so it's not as weird as it could be? I’m his boss. The school’s paying Hermann though, not Newt, and it’s not like he’s going to scurry off to the dean and demand Hermann’s funding slashed if Hermann turns him down (which he’d most likely do). But it still feels like a breach of ethics.

On the other hand, Hermann is exactly the sort of guy he’d try to pick up at a bar if he still did things like that. (Tenure, rather than giving Newt breathing space to kick back and relax a little, has only increased his obsession with his work, and now when he gets a Friday night free to himself he mostly switches crap on the TV and falls asleep with his cat on the couch.) It’s about the experience, the impossible task of seducing someone who--by all accounts--is too straight-laced and tight-buttoned to indulge in something that debase. They were always the best in bed. Tension, Newt knows, has to snap at some point.

He’d like to wrap Hermann’s personal piano wire around his thumb and bang away at the keys until it snaps, too. Ethics, Newt thinks (folding up the list and stuffing it out of sight), his ass.

Newt sacrifices a Friday night with his cat and Unsolved Mysteries in favor of working on a solution to his Hermann Problem. Swamped with work, he tells Hermann over the phone, it fucking sucks, dude, I could really use your help in my office, and Hermann grumbles, and snaps that Newt should learn to be better prepared for his own damn classes, but declares he’ll be on campus in half an hour and that Newt will be ordering him takeaway for dinner as an apology.

The door swings open at half past five. Hermann is bundled in that heavy parka and scarf (which, even for a Boston November, still looks a little too warm), and his hair is damp. “Is it raining?” Newt says, perhaps stupidly, because there’s not a single droplet of water anywhere else on Hermann’s body.

Hermann makes a face at him and pushes the door shut with his cane. “No,” he says, tersely.

“Then why...” Newt touches his own hair.

“I was taking a bloody bath,” Hermann snaps. “I don’t work on Fridays, as you well know, Newton.”

The use of his full first name stings Newt oddly even as the notion of Hermann luxuriating in a bathtub excites him. “That’s Dr. Geiszler,” Newt snaps back, because goddamn it, he’s Hermann’s boss, he deserves respect, and then mentally adds a small, depressing tally to the Cons half of the board. Ethics, ethics. 

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry, Dr. Geiszler,” Hermann says. He throws his scarf and coat viciously at the small couch in the corner of Newt’s office, then takes his usual seat across from Newt. “Well? Where are those papers it’s so crucial we grade?”

Hermann in a bathtub, Newt thinks. Hermann naked. Papers, Newt thinks. “Papers,” Newt says, and he shoves a stack at Hermann with twice as much force as he means to, causing several to flutter to the ground. “We need...to grade them,” he says. Hermann naked, in a bathtub, maybe some candles lit around him, some nice music on, daydreaming about that wretched professor he works for. Damn it. “I have a pen,” he says. “To grade.”

“What on earth are you saying?” Hermann says. “Be quiet. I can’t concentrate with your abominable prattling on.” Then he mumbles something that sounds like incessant, rips the top paper off the stack, and begins to slash at it in red ink. He doesn’t bother gathering the two from the ground.

Why did Newt invite him here, again?

Oh, right. He pushes his glasses up his nose and feigns casualness, pulling out another paper for himself to grade. “A bath,” he says. “Just to, uh, relax? Or...?”

Hermann narrows his eyes. “Or?”

Newt shrugs. “It’s Friday. Were you getting ready for a date or something?”

This time, Hermann’s mouth twists down into a frown. Almost suspicious. “Why do you care?” he says.

“I don’t,” Newt says quickly. “Just making small talk.” God, he could picture some stud of a computer science PhD candidate winning Hermann over with techno babble--or maybe one of his fellow students, ugh, maybe they made a study group together that meets Friday nights, and Hermann was getting all gussied up, goddamn handsome astrophysics grad students--

“I was relaxing,” Hermann says. “You must be aware at this point you cause me a great deal of stress, Dr. Geiszler, on a daily basis.”

“Oh,” Newt says.

He gives up on the small talk after that. Hermann’s promised takeout arrives--a small carton of pad thai--as does Newt’s--a large carton of the spiciest thing they had on the menu--and they eat in silence. They have about three-quarters of the papers to go when Hermann suddenly sits back in his seat with a groan and rubs at his eyes under his granny glasses. “Bugger,” he says. “I can’t fathom this one for the life of me. I’m too tired.”

“It’s getting kinda late,” Newt agrees. “Maybe we should--”

“It’s not that,” Hermann says. “I had a glass of wine earlier, and--oh, it doesn’t matter. Your students need to learn how to write in a way that’s actually bloody legible--it’s like chicken scratch.”

Newt hops up and leans over his shoulder, squinting down at the page. Hermann’s hair smells nice, like something floral, and his skin has a small hint of what could almost be cologne. Why is Hermann wearing cologne? “Okay, let me see it,” Newt says, struggling to keep from getting lightheaded at the close proximity to Hermann. “I’m used to that kind of shit.”

“No,” Hermann says, drawing the paper close to his chest. “I am perfectly capable of managing it on my own.”

“Dude,” Newt says, “let me look at it, seriously. Hermann--”

He manages to tug it away from him. The handwriting is pretty bad, but the math seems to be worse. “Didn’t they do the readings?” Newt mutters under his breath. “That’s not even the right equation for the diameter. I gave them a cheat sheet, man.” They’re junior year engineering students--they should know this shit.

“I know what the equation is,” Hermann snaps. “I can grade it on my own. Give it back.”

“I didn’t say you didn’t know,” Newt says, “I said this kid--”

“It’s the radius squared--”

“Hermann, dude,” Newt says, “I know you’re--”

And that’s when Hermann grabs him by his skinny tie and kisses him, hard. 

They stare at each other afterwards. Hermann’s eyes are as wide as saucers; his mouth is hanging open. Newt’s tie slips from his fingers, which then fall limp to his lap. “Holy shit,” Newt squeaks.

Hermann is gone with a swish of his parka and a loud clack of his cane. And with a stack of papers Newt still has to somehow get through. Figures.

Their next few classes together are subdued. Hermann doesn’t interject any of his biting commentary or corrections, or even offer critiques of Newt’s lack of professionalism (when in the past his skinny jeans were such an easy target), and when the period is over, he practically sprints from the classroom before he and Newt can be alone together for even a second. It’s fine by Newt. Whatever. Maybe Hermann can get over it over Thanksgiving break, and Newt can try to get over the memory of Hermann’s strong fingers tugging him down, Hermann’s floral shampoo, Hermann’s chapped, wide lips against his, the little grunt of shock Hermann made as he did it, like he couldn’t believe his own audacity...

It’s not likely.

It’s December, the last week before finals, and Newt’s in his office bundled up in a sweatshirt (because the heat never seems to fucking work in here), revising a draft of an exam, and dreading the thought of trudging home in the snow, when there’s suddenly a knock at his door. Anticipating some overeager freshman here outside of office hours, he doesn’t look up as he says “Come in.”

A familiar clearing of a throat.

Newt shoots straight up to his feet. He knocks a mug of coffee to the floor in the process. “Hermann,” he says. “Uh. Hi. What--what are you doing here?”

Hermann shuts the door behind him, then takes a careful step forward. He’s back in his big dumb coat and big long scarf. “I thought I ought to tell you myself first,” he says, primly. “I’ve submitted a request to the dean to be reassigned to another professor next semester. Our research interests are far more in line, and I don’t imagine our personalities shall clash as much.”

“Oh,” Newt says, pretending his heart isn't sinking in his chest like a hunk of lead. Was he that bad of a kisser? He feels like he deserves a second shot at it--he wasn’t ready last time, you know, he bets he’d really wow Hermann if he had a fair heads up. “Are.. are those the only reasons why?”

“No,” Hermann admits. “They’re not.”

He crosses the room, and corners Newt against his desk before Newt even realizes what’s happening. “They’re not,” he says again, then adds in a murmur (lifting one hand to brush his fingers against Newt’s hair), “Dr. Geiszler.”

Neither of them talk much, after that.

[kendrixtermina]

Someone finally uploaded a Kingdom Route run with everyone recruited!

So imma be doing a bit of reacting

Kingdom!Ignatz works a bit like Empire!Felix  - He wanted to go his own way unlike what his parents said and is thus following Byleth. In this case it’s of course somewhat less angsty ‘cause the Victors have the means to flee if necessary, unlike Rodrigue who was a prominent leader of the kingdom side of things

In an interesting parallel to how half the cast abandons the kingdom cause it’s a sinking shipload of kamikaze, on the other routes, Raphael complains about the instability and confusing politics of the alliance and how she should probably grab Maya and his grandfather and get them to Garreg Magh. I suppose a lot of people without connections or political accumen must feel this way. the monastery IS light javelin proof, so yeah...Raphael isn’t salty toward Claude himself tho. Then again he has little capacity for salt and in his paralogue it’s kinda shown that he makes a deliberate choice to live a low-salt lifestyle its not just obliviousness, he actively doesnt want grudges or awkwardness in his life

Leonie is also here to babysit Byleth and tells them not to let Dimitri push them around 

Hilda: “The Monastery is a mess. So is Dimitri. I’m only here because Byleth is competent and Holst is annoying“

Dorothea and Bernie have so far gotten identical dialogues to the church route

Lysithea is interesting and kinda morally ambiguous. She says outright that she cares nothing for the kingdom or anything other than a peaceful life for her parents. She wants to get at the slitherers for her own revenge and they’re in the empire so she finds Dimitri’s revenge obsession convenient. Also very ironic cause, are she and Edelgard gonna fight each other because they both want to get at Thales? Very interesting bc vanilla BL doesn’t adress the slitherers that much - of course Lysithea says she has beef with “the empire” and doesn’t elaborate. At the same time Lysithea is MUCH more logical and self aware than most of the kingdom crew bar Sylvain so yeah

actually,  Lysithea, like Felix, has TONS of route specific dialogue. I guess the devs expected those two to get recruited a lot since they are just flat out the strongest students apart from the house leaders. 

The Kingdom is arguably just as infiltrated but Lysithea doesn’t know... and at this point Cornelia’s cooperating with the Empire anyways

General trend of the Alliance recruitees not being all that attached to the Alliance as they hardly knew each other at the start and half of them had nothing to do with politics

Nothing to do with the recruitees, but so THATS what happens if you propose to go to Fhirdiad first. Dimitri is like “You’re supposed to lead the church! Go rescue Rhea!” ...he doesn’t know the whole thing with Byleth being experimented on by Rhea (neither does Byleth at this point) but it is kinda low. Mitya you have no leg to stand on here indeed the main reason I was sympathetic to you last playthrough is that you never ASKED Gilbert & co to put you on the throne and made clear that you’re not interested in that... so following you was on them to an extent. but you don’t get to say “Do your Bishop job” (that Byleth never asked for) if you’re not doing your job cause you’re too busy doing your kamikaze raid. Then again he’s probably too emotional and just plain done with everything rn to see the contradiction/look at this with perspective he’s probably physically incapable of chilling out rn

It just ends with Byleth doing a pointed sadface. daamn Mitya don’t be mean to By-By she still believes in you dude : (  Though it makes sense he’s big on obligation he’s doing this revenge trip because he feels he must. So it’s more a distortion than it really is a contradiction, as far as he’s concerned he IS doing his duty...to the fallen. I guess if you can’t handle him at his “Go be a bishop or something” you don’t deserve him at his “my beloved~” 

Still hurts a bit tho. Especially when Claude, though not without his own agenda, was distinctly a good friend on the topic, “Teach you’re in charge now be more confident~ the church doesnt run you, you run the church”

Before Aillel Dorothea says something about the Kingdom people also looking undecided of where to march, but she also wonders if some fighting/ victory will quell uncertainty 

Also she and mercie are standing next to each other! Ive said before that it’s weird how they don’t rly have a support though they are the two most popular extroverted ppl on the campus... they GOTTA know each other at least on a smalltalk basis

Alois is like “These kingdom ppl dont seem to know what they want... but hey this allow YOU to shine as a leader”... so basically Byleth is running this show but for all that they’re a good field commander and decisive when it comes to immadiate practical problems, as far as big picture direction goes, well, Sothis’ “boulder” quote comes to mind. They just never had big attachments on convictions, the Felix support chain is also salient here. They kinda just did whatever job they were given until they found a bigger cause/purpose after throwing in their lot with one of the lords or the remaining saints.

I wondered how this would play out as the Kingdom route is very kingdom-specific, whereas Claude, Edelgard and the church all have an universal cause for people to get behind. I guess how this plays out is that before Dimitri’s turnaroud there’s the kingdom faction and the Byleth faction and Byleth is kinda trying to run the show as they think Dimitri would if he were at his best

Caspar is still on the more unphazed side but also substantially more phazed than on the church or GD routes, he wasn’t particularly close to Randolph but he’s not unaffected by Dimitri going a tad over the top here - he also has the takeaway that Dimitri probably never trusted him much since he was born in the empire.

Sylvain actually alledges something about Dimitri not socializing much with any Adrestians even back in the academy days if you recruit him on CF so this does not come out of nowhere. Also kinda makes me wish they had a support - theyre both naturals at smashing things but they have very different attitudes towards it. then again i suppose it would go alot like the raphael one

Ferdie recognizes Myrrdin is a strategically better location but as Aegir territory is closeby he wishes we could have invaded through there so he could take it back... Would the citizens want him back tho? After the war its a no-brainer cause he helped end it, the peasants arent going to complain about too much peace and prosperity nor are they gonna feel nostalgic about anyone who started a war with their tax money and then lost it, but if he waltzed into an area that had thus far been far from the frontlines, following his fathers’s exploitative management and 5 years of semi equal rights under edelgard? he might have been welcomed with  pitchforks, through no fault of his own. 

He says something implying hed like to come rescue his relatives implying that some of them are still alive. of course the pm deserves all Edelgard threw at him and then some, but id be curious about Ferdie’s other relatives. His mom probably looks just like him, because he sure didnt get the looks from his dad... or anything else really, apart from the crest and hair color. - though i think the a support with bernadetta implies that shes no longer around

Lorenz bitterly remarking that of course Claude and his dad eventually made peace since they both only serve their own interests. (”So long as their interests are in allignment they will continue to cooperate”)   Says the guy we just rescued from his endeavors in turncoatery. Lorenz you’re pretty opportunistic too, and as for your redeeming features Claude has those too - but of course you’ll never find out in this one. Still, it shows that he’s painfully aware that his father - whom he would have died protecting if we hadn’t spared him - is a villain and a hack

Claude isn’t super trusting and knows that he gets percieved as shifty so he promises people to get them theirs so that they support him out of self interest. No need to take a chace. Of course by the end of this route he WILL take big chance on Dimitri 

That says Lorenz is not SO biased that he can’t tell that Claude might be interested in working with the kingdom army

Lysithea (who surprisingly has TONS of unique dialogue here, and I like that it’s a complex mature plot) is having her doubts and not trusting Dimitri for all that she finds him an useful idiot. By and large you get the sense that many consider Byleth the leader of this operation, she’s glad that Byleth is there to issue sensible orders. She tells Byleth not to tell anyone and worries about what will happen once the empire’s vanquished. No faith in team Kingdom... at all. Understandable of course

Hilda’s dialogue is largely the same as in the church route and at times kinda the same in all routes but I like how she’s like “Claude might’ve looked like a lazy bum but he’s smart! If he says he’s on our side he will defs help!” before the gronder fiasco

A lot of NPCs stir the suspicion here so it stands out how much she totally trusts him like hes any other friend

As with the other routes with the recruitees you get an idea of what’s going on in the other territories such as Lysithea deducing that Judith must be backing Claude in his gambit

One moment you think Lorenz is going to add some somber insightful commentary to the sincerity of Claude’s offer but then he’s like, “Granted Dimitri is much improved. He must be asking us for help cause he trusts ME” XD Like... no friend. You’re almost right but if there’s anyone here he was faith in its Byleth. And then he’s even like, “Well no choice but to save poor Claudesy” On the one hand it shows that there not just pure hate there on the other... lulz. 

apparently one of the first things Dimitri did after getting his act together post gronder is profusely apologize to Caspar for that ugly business with Randolph. Thats a worthwhile detail and i want fanfic of it. Caspar being Caspar he wasnt really keeping a grudge, they’re a warrior clan and they were at war

They had to move out so quickly that Hilda had no time to go shopping in Fhirdiad #Priorities XD

Meanwhile Ignatz, like a normal person,  hopes his folks will be safe

hilda does eventually remember to maybe save her folks and claude but only after making Byleth promise to go on a shopping trip with her. Someone should probably write that fanfic

Someone told me that Ferdinand had some prominent critical lines but it was really just one, and it’s as I suspected actually just a variant of the same “a king can’t be emotional” line he gets in all the routes, this time with the addendum that if he turned around and decided to go rescue the capital, he might be capable of reason/being a decent leader after all.  granted I guess compared to how most of the Kingdom people go along with everything it comes off critical? IDK.

Lysithea misses Rodrigue :( 

Lorenz and Ignatz standing next to each other was a nice touch they have a fairly wholesome friendship

Leonie’s just glad that ol’ Mitya is “back to normal” especially since she’s pretty sure that they don’t have enough soldiers to get to Fort Merceus let alone Enbarr

For obvious reasons, Petra is pretty sympathetic about the whole “retaking Fhirdiad” thing

Seeing Seteth and Catherine so certain that Rhea would want them to save the people of Fhirdiad first when you know that she wouldn’t hesitate to set the place on fire is just...OUCH. Though it does show the goodness in Seteth and Catherine themselves. 

Manuela wishes she could’ve moved her informary to gronder and save a few more peeps :(

It seems like to Leonie, Dimitri will always be just “Dimitri”, King or not. Figures she aaaaalmost adressed even Byleth by name XD You really DO get the sense that he interacted alot with the recruitees

All the house leaders shouldve had more supports. 

If you grabbed hanneman he’ll give you some extra backstory on Cornelia - apparently she was originally from the empire and an eminent scholar whose great work Hanneman was vaguely aware of. I would assume that was still the real cornelia. Judging by the timing it sounds like she might’ve smuggled Patricia out of Adrestia. Assuming both were still original at this point this might present a possibility for why she trusted/vouched for cornelia without being complicit / lend itself to a “she was duped” reading

But it’s still suspicious that she would end up courting the second most powerful man in the land right after number one. 

Some had suggested that Cornelia caused the plague in the first place but the thing is there was a perfectly credible  “mundane” explanation for it (the city’s sewers not being up to date technologically) that theres no reason to doubt

Assuming that all the replacements occurred 14 years before part one when Arundel stopped his donations/ thins being about the time when Cornelia’s personality was noted to have changed completely, that would mean both the “fixing the severs” thing and the soppy story about how Edelgards’ parents met would be real 

AAAA everything to do with patricia is just so ambiguous - if they were longtime friends wouldn’t she have noticed something “off”? Same with her brother actually. Lambert had his own country so its not like there was no one to protect her. 

Ahhh THIS is how lorenz gets iinto the midset for that prissy, hes pissed that Claude dissolved the Alliance and misses it XD

you DO get to call him out for being a turncoat himself tho. particularly hilarious since Byleth just blinks and asks a casual question there

He immediately changes his tune

oh lorenz dear, i love you but you, sir, are WEAK xD

Lysithea as always calls everything and notes how suspicious arundel was alluding to the hrym nightmare also mentioned in her paralogue

She also mentions that he was said to be good and just at one point suggesting that there was a real Volkhard von Arundel at some point. 

if the replacement took place when those donations ceased then Edelgard and Dimitri were 3, 14 years before part 1. Early enough that this could be around the time Patricia left enbarr, if this is when it happened then the romantic tower story might be real assuming that the Arundels were replaced at the same time - whatever arrived in Faerghus recomended patricia for a job so it probably had already happened by then 

Its all so ambiguos tho we can only speculate there are so many possibilities

Ignatz marvels at how Claude managed to minimize damage to Alliance lands throughout the war, as in CF only Deirdru itself got particularly thrashed. Ignatz’ folks are safe and sound! Leave it to him to wonder where Claude might have absconded to. He was always one of the insightful ones but not in the same way as the other clever ones. More intuitive I guess. Cant remember if it was indentical to what you get if you spare Claude on CF (Cue the lets player remarking that Claude is probably stuck in a washing machine somewhere... he hadn’t cleared the Alliance route at that point)

Lol HILDA “And then the whole Alliance descended into chaos...” or actually she is surprised that that DIDNT happen and how orderly Claude managed the dissolution. “But I Guess we’re screwed if Dimitri turns out to be a crazed despot... he’s not gonna go crazy again is he?” You of little faith XD But she says all this in her usual cheery nonserious voice like

this chapter has a lot of unique dialogue actually

Linhardt  impressed that anyone would have the guts to attack Fort Merceus directly and suggests looking for weak spots in the old walls

He shows up guarding it in SS and Vw doesn’t he? Guess he was visiting Caspar or something - or would have been familiar with the place from visiting the Bergliez clan in the past. 

Ferdinand is wowed by Claude bowing out giving him kudos for caring about the peoples wishes. He thinks Edelgard ought to quit at this point and he’s alot harsher on her here than in any of the other routes. (”Not reveryone with noble blood has noble ideals” - Coming from Ferdinand that’s an accusation ) Interestingly at this point hes sticking with Dimitri cause post character developement, lots of ordinary ppl support him at this point and hes popular with the crowds. He’s wholly on the Savior King bandwagon, and maybe that’s why he’s harsher. He’s partial. Says something about him actually, largely good things when you think about it. Dimitri is probably the closest to what Ferdinand’s (and Lorenz’) own beliefs were. He likes the existing order and living in a fancy palace but he thinks the rulers should serve the people.

Its kinda ironic and sad because in ALL the other routes he clearly thinks Dimitri is an idiot and a bad ruler, and says he should be more composed and objective. But Dimitri wasnt at his best there now was he? 

 now ill be sad everytime I get to those “Ferdinand disses Dimitri” lines. They couldve been buds! 

but i dont see this happening in any other route. According to something Sylvain says in cf Dimitri avoided ppl from the empire  at the academy so they wouldnt have cozied up pre-timeskip, and its only the version of Dimitri who has his shit together which appeals to Ferdie as a leader. 

really torn here on the one hand its a nice synergy to see lorenz and especially Ferdinand (who is waaay less arroganz than lorenz) sort of getting to win on their own terms with a ruler that jives with them and their Lawful Good fantasy classic thing. It’s not just a status quo thing its a protectors of the people thing. It’s heroic.  On the other hand it feels like they’re stagnating when they could have had growth. This is basically the same Lorenz and the same Ferdinand we first met except slightly more mature.  Notably lorenz is the same in the church route whereas Ferdie isnt as he still ends up rebelling fleeing and fighting against the empire. It helps that he practically winds up leading the remaining Eagles, albeit under Byleth and Seteth.  

He still gets that line about being kinda sad to see the empire go though he knows there must be an end to the chaos, i think a few lines are different, so, not wholly without doubt

Shamir muses about hoe the three countries were once one and the same, but wonders that even if we put fodlan togethere theres no guarantee that it wouldnt come apart again. i mean there isnt, and wether thats a bad thing would depend a lot on the circumstances but its also possible that theyll get used to being one and forget they wrere ever separate. no one controls the far future... and should they? After all its always possible that someone in the future will have unforseeable circumstances or better ideas

Caspar sighs with relief that they didn’t have to fight his dad, last second worry about him turning up in the capital nonwithstanding... right does he get to live in this? Carpar wonders what’ll happen to him if they win, but he’s not holding down Faerghus so he might not have died the way he did in Silver Snow and Verdant Wind. It’s at least possible that he was captured alive and pardoned somehow. 

Marianne’s adoptive dad sure smelled which way the wind was blowing; He was supporting Claude’s strategy to get the Cloucesters back under controll but sent Marianne to curry favor with the kingdom. Make friends with whoever wins I suppose. Ambitious politician indeed. 

When she doesnt her from him in a while she wonders if he forgot about her but says she wouldnt mind that much because at least she wouldnt have to do any more politics? I distinctly recall that in gd there was something about how they got along better after the timeskip. Sigh. 

she is real glad that Dimitri and claude ended up cooperating in the end

So does Dorothea but then she makes herself sad wishing that Edelgard was also there :( Me too friend, me too.  I think thats the one unique line she gets this route. I like how it’s consistent in the church route she’s also the one who feels the most sad about betraying her, they were pretty close pre timrskip 

as far as leonies concerned Dimitri is still just Dimitri even after taking back his kingdom. i like to think hed appreciate that. its also very typical of leonie. as with the “Caspar gets an apology” thing plenty of the recruitees get lines hinting that theres been more personal interaction between them and dimitri, kinda goes with how ppl in his own house follow him more out of personal loyalty than because they follow his plans like with the other two. hes kinda a very approachable sort of leader, makes the decisions with the group or follows whatever gilbert and Byleth decide, in the other routes theres always a distinct inner circle. Its cool how they incorporated the recruitees into that dynamic. 

Petra is dissapointed that they DIDNT do a sneak attack on fort Merceus contrasting her usual line about how she likes sneak attacks.  Dimitri naps both that an Enbarr head on doesn’t he? The Church has a smaller Army full of peeps who would rather not destroy Enbarr, and Claude agrees with Petra on the sneak attack thing and then Edelgard did that sorta shady but largely very gutsy thing where she didn’t sound the evacuation to restrict Claude’s movements knowing that there was zero danger that he would plow through the civilians (they don’t do this here cause last time they met Dimitri he was not feeling merciful indeed judging by huberts welcome lines and engage quotes he doesnt buy the turnaround), the AM ending narration also suggests that Enbarr wasn’t rebuilt, though Dimitri gave distinct “No pillaging!” orders, so they probably just couldn’t avoid wrecking the buildings and relocated the citizens. 

Ashe also speculates where Claude went. That’s one of the things i like about Ashe he consistently averts out of sight out of mind I particularly always loved how he consistently worried about Dedue. Someone ought to. 

Ingrid interestingly changed her tune here / kinda speaks positively of claude here - in CF she was like “I always though he was creepy”

Then again that was before fighting him I don’t recall If those two dont get the same lines if you spare Claude,  have to go back and check

id like to mention that the lets player put lorenz in the pyjamas/loungewear the whole time as “punishment” for being late to the reunion and poked fun at him throughout.

[nidhoggssoultrap]

Headcanon Part 3

Dress up game...one character...inspired all this...wow. But, I was able to dig up some old “flames” because of this, so it’s all good.

Previous “Headcanons”:

https://nidhoggssoultrap.tumblr.com/post/190472389157/my-headcanon-nidhogg-louie-and-yvette-mostly

https://nidhoggssoultrap.tumblr.com/post/190581277697/headcanonsvingettessnippets-part-2

1. Since I have a special fondness for Camaros, I decided that Nidhogg will be driving that. A powerful black one that is a blast to drive. >:) My biases are showing, I know.

2. My "adaptation" is a cross over with Ultima. This is a very old series that has been an inspiration for years. Want an old school RPG to play? Try the Ultima series. The NES port of Ultima IV, Quest of the Avatar is excellent. But, the PC versions are better with Ultima 7 being considered the best and unfortunately going downhill from there. Still, it is an amazing old school series that is worth checking out and they are either free or low cost. Anyway, the Blood Curse problem is solved by instituting a "Virtue System" with Louie as one of the "Avatars", a shining example of virtue. Yvette will be one too as will quite a few others. The "True King" used to be like this, but because of his curse, he lost all virtue and is no longer an Avatar.

Nidhogg had NO idea that Louie was such a thing. No one did until he revealed it after the fight. Nidhogg had been trying for another power and as stated in the second batch of headcanon, he failed. Because of this, he is hit with a second curse, one that is not only painful, but scarring. Unlike the Blood Curse, only an Avatar can alleviate the pain once it flares up and there is no way to free someone from such a curse.

The "Fail Curse" basically means that you must follow the path of the Avatar and live in service to them. Failure to do so means being burned alive. Since Nidhogg isn't stupid or interested in killing himself(he did, however, consider it), he follows that path. The scarring goes from the heart and covers the upper left side of the body, except for the neck, face, and private parts(think heart attack area and that's generally where the scarring is). Still, having such scarring puts someone at a disadvantage in styling contests. The "Scarring" is the term I will be using in my "headcanon".

3. Remember the "He can't keep getting away with this!" Yvette says about Nidhogg? She tells Louie this and he point blank says, "he's not going to." This one came up recently, but I'm going to roll with it. It's based on something that apparently happens in a new Yvette Dreamweaver. After the death of Lunar,  Louie decides to pay her a visit in Lillith due to their mutual connection to Nidhogg. She's seen Louie before in Apple(first while he was on his motorcycle and second at a restaurant bar)  and thought he was "gorgeous." She considered the woman he loved "a very lucky woman". Nidhogg was NOT happy with this, but he acted like it was "no big deal". Anyway, Yvette and Louie tell each other about themselves a bit and he reveals that not everything about the Prime Minister is false, but does confirm that the Colonel is the "genuine article".  Yvette is sorry about Lunar's death and, of course, so is Louie. They agree to work together to stop Nidhogg. This would happen while Nikki and Kimi are in Apple dealing with Reid.

4. Speaking of beach theme in the last headcanon, Nidhogg's idea of "beach theme" is a t-short and boxer shorts. That's it. He's the same way with the Pajama theme.

5. I have another bunny involving Louie taking advantage of Nidhogg's love for him. It's basically a plot to steal back the White Blossom. It's a "date" that ends in "bedtime" and well, Louie succeeds in stealing the White Blossom. Needless to say, Nidhogg is well...displeased at being so used. It does not end for either one of them as they fight at the grave of Louie's father. Yea, mean bunny. I get those sometimes.

6. Nidhogg's parents were high ranking NCOs in the military. His father(I named Liam) was a "King of Cups" sort while his mother(Madam Zosha) was a "Queen of Wands." If one had to choose, it's agreed that Nidhogg took after his father and became "The Page of Swords" and ultimately "The King of Swords." He loved his parents very much and was present when they died. Liam died the same way Micheal Collins did(shot while going between cars). Zosha died soon afterward trying to avenge him. This is quite possibly his most painful memory and won't likely be surpassed. He was eight years old.  He lived for two years on his own before being discovered in Black Rock City by Louie's father. Yea, Nidhogg knows some hardship and knows how it feels to watch someone being accused of things they did not do (Liam was falsely accused of treason) and lose everything because of it.

7. Nidhogg learned to drive when he was 13. Self-taught on a manual shift jeep. He stalled only once, decided that it would never happen again and it didn't(that is, until the very end of the chase when Yvette finally fights back). He was a few years older when he learned to fly, but was quickly surpassed by Louie. However, as stated in previous headcanons, Nidhogg is a better driver.

8. There are four "loopholes" around the Blood Curse: 1. Medicines(Regent 7), 2. Inability to feel pain. 3. The ability to feel pain and pleasure as one. 4. Immune/Highly Resistant to curses. Louie becomes the 4th one due to Avatarhood.

9. It should have gone without saying that Nidhogg is a loner(which was why he was happy that Louie was similar). In fact, Shade was shocked that he would continue desiring Louie. Shade had assumed that Nidhogg didn't need anyone. Nidhogg's response? "Who said anything about need?" A lot of my favorite characters are like this.

10. Confession Bear: While thinking of the car chase story, I kind of laughed at the fact that there are two grown men embroiled in "gay drama" in front of a young woman, two teenage girls, and a talking cat. In the end, pretty much everyone knew what went on between Louie and Nidhogg, not something either of them wanted much.

11. In Headcanon 2, I made it clear that Louie was blinded by hate/rage. Because of this, some of his actions were a bit unbecoming of an avatar(this Ultima, this happens too. The point is that things can get complicated and being virtuous doesn't always work). Like: twisting and turning Nidhogg's words until it suited his purpose, ascribing words/actions to Nidhogg that he didn't actually say/do, using Nidhogg's actual words against him, and well, subterfuge. Louie succeeds in getting a good number of people to defect, but they end up siding with ORLANDO. Either way, League Tyr suffers losses because of it. Part of the reason Louie acted the way he did was due to desperation, but also the rage he felt toward Nidhogg, but it wasn't pure rage as he still loved his elder "brother"/friend.

At the end of their final duel, Louie strips him of his cape, his medals, and his weapons. He tells the girls, "If you have any last words to say to him, say them now because it'll be awhile before you ever see him again, if ever." He also uses Nidhogg's quote about fate against him("This is your fate").   All of this was done while Nidhogg suffered greatly under the "Fail Curse." Louie could have alleviated the pain while before banishing him, but deliberately chose not to.

He's also said this(when Morrison/Grey Raven was captured): "The opinions of others mattered little to your parents. Where are they now?" Er, yea...lowblow. Nidhogg's response? A raised eyebrow and he continued his argument as if Louie had said nothing of the sort and was STILL trying to persuade him to join the Night Order.

During the "chase" he finally does get to Nidhogg when he basically says, "The freedom you will bring is false!" And even worse, "I wish you had died as a child, buried in the snow with no one to give a damn about you. Then, I would have never known you and I wouldn't be cursed with the memories of you!"

He says a lot more, but that's the gist of it. Had it been anyone else, it would have the effect of a sneeze in a tornado, but because it was Louie, it, well, got to Nidhogg in ways no one else was able to. Yvette and Nikki simply angered/irritated him. Louie...well...made him cry. Er, sort of. I mean, this is Nidhogg, after all.  At that point, Nidhogg basically says "you never understood me, you never really tried" and makes a declaration that sends Louie in tears. Soon after that, Nidhogg tells all of them that there is no use arguing anymore because "you will never agree with me and I will never agree with you, so that makes things rather moot, now doesn't it?" When Louie offers a reconciliation, Nidhogg says that it's "too late now."

In the end, Louie regrets all off of it because he knew that Nikki was right: It was needless cruelty. He was also reprimanded by the Seer of the Avatar, who said the same thing and that vengeance had no place for an Avatar. Later on, Nidhogg tells him that he would have never been so cruel had the situation been reversed.

12. Of all those in the Night Order, only Nidhogg faced any real consequences. It was decided that being "Scarred" was punishment enough. Plot twist: He was set up by Ryan all along and Ryan was the one who finally inspired Yvette to become her own White Knight. Remember Ryan?

13. That power Nidhogg so desperately wanted and needed Yvette in order to obtain it? It would have destroyed him completely as his mindset was a bit "reversed" at the time. So really, Yvette and co. saved him and his soul.

14. Nidhogg, imo, is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. If he's poor, he's jealous. If he's rich, then he's a hypocrite. If he's straightforward, he's an asshole. If he sugercoats, then he's a liar. He learned early on not to give a damn what others think for this reason as his parents went through the same thing.

15. The issue is that there was only one way to settle disputes. So, the stylings contests were something that seemed freeing, but it wasn't. It was a sugar coated tyranny. Such a thing created internal turmoil, hence "false peace."

16. Confession Bear: My first impression of him in his uniform other than "OMG HAAAWWWWT" was "OMG FASCIST!" But, then I looked up the Iron Cross and found that it predates any thought of Fascism/Nazism by about 200 years.

17. Nidhogg KNEW that there would be chaos. "Of course there would be chaos! Did you think I wouldn't know that!? But from chaos will come a new order and it will be under my firm, guiding hand!"

18. Yvette looked at all the gifts Nidhogg had given her after all that had happened. While keeping a low profile in Lillith, she wondered how much contempt/disdain/hate he actually had for her. It wasn't the first time she had such "friends", but Nidhogg's deceit hurt her the most. She found that people being honest with where she stood with them was far more preferable.  She thought of throwing the gifts away, but Kiki told her that the gifts didn't do anything, so she shouldn't. Yvette chose not to. She also remembered the "I like me speech" and that she had true friends.

19. Liliana(this is the 'artist' in my fic) works as a cleaner/maid in the capital building. She is a friend of Bobo and ultimately Yvette. She draws all sorts of things, including designs. Nidhogg actually used one of her drawings to make Bunny Stockings ("That's not his style.") Unlike the thief, he gives her credit and thanks her for being able to look at her sketches. After the coup, she thinks that he may have been looking at her sketchbook/photo album to see what she knows.

20. Nidhogg has a "take all you want, but eat what you take" attitude when it comes to food. This is from the military.

[phantom-le6]

Episode Reviews - Star Trek: The Next Generation Season 5 (3 of 6)

Carrying on with our series of reviews for episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation, here’s a third instalment of episodes from the show’s fifth season.

Episode 11: Hero Worship

Plot (as given by me):

The Enterprise is sent to locate a research ship called the Vico and locates the vessel adrift just outside the Black Cluster, the region the Vico had been assigned to explore. The ship is heavily damaged, and Commander Riker leads Lt. Commanders Data and La Forge on an away mission to recover all logs from the ship’s computer. Having previously detected no life signs from the Enterprise, the away team is surprised when they find a young boy named Timothy is still alive aboard the Vico, albeit trapped by debris.

 As the debris and hull plating around the room where Timothy is trapped blocks transport, Data surmises that through his android strength, he can lift the debris to free the boy.  However, this would cause imminent structural collapse, so Riker and La Forge beam back first, giving Data the time and freedom to move the debris and get Timothy to the corridor.  The pair are beamed directly to sick bay, where Timothy claims the ship was attacked. Some initial evidence seems to support this, as the gravitational wave-fronts inside the Black Cluster would hamper sensor effectiveness, and the damage is consistent with disruptor-style weaponry and Breen combat tactics.

 However, La Forge notes the evidence is inconsistent with Timothy’s story about the ship being boarded, and Counsellor Troi suggests the boy could be repressing the true events due to trauma; as he processes what happens, he may volunteer the truth of his own accord.  Troi asks Data to help, as Timothy seems to have bonded with his rescuer. Data agrees, and when Timothy learns Data is incapable of feeling emotion, he begins to pretend he is also an android, emulating Data’s mannerisms and pretending to have no emotions either.  Troi explains to Captain Picard that Timothy will only assume the android persona until he feels emotionally strong enough to do without it, and that they should encourage it to help the boy along. Picard orders Data to help Timothy “be the best android he can possibly be.”

 As Data helps Timothy, the Enterprise enters the Black Cluster to investigate further what happened to the Vico. Sensor reflections and a refraction effect when the ship’s phasers are fired quickly reveals that the Vico could not have been attacked as Timothy described. The boy is brought to the Captain’s Ready Room, where he claims he’d caused the ship’s destruction by accidentally hitting a control panel. Picard, Data and Troi all explain that the control consoles on all starships are designed to require a user code before the controls can do anything. Because of this, Timothy could not have accidentally affected anything on the Vico, and as such the truth of what happened to that ship is still unexplained.

 The discussion is interrupted by the increasing gravitational waves, which are growing in intensity and battering the Enterprise. Timothy’s recollections of what happened on the Vico give Data an idea, and he swiftly determines the cause and solution of the problem. Data urges Picard to lower the shields, and Picard obeys, which causes the growing gravitational wavefronts to dissipate. Apparently, Timothy’s recollections enabled Data to theorise that both the Vico and the Enterprise experienced a harmonic amplification effect; the more power that each ship put into their shields, the worse the gravitational wavefronts became, resulting in the Vico’s destruction.  The Enterprise leaves the Black Cluster, and Timothy remains friends with Data even after abandoning his android persona.

Review:

For me, this episode is a very good episode, but it’s also very mis-titled.  When the boy Data rescues begins emulating him, that’s not an ‘oh wow, this guy is so cool, I want to be just like him’ reaction.  If it was, then the episode title would make sense.  What he’s actually doing is thinking ‘ok, I feel bad because my parents are dead and I think it’s my fault, so I’ll pretend to be this emotionless robotic being so I can avoid that pain.’  That’s not hero worship, that’s a form of demand avoidance, albeit in this case avoiding dealing the emotions of a traumatic event rather than an activity of some kind.  It’s an interesting idea to explore, don’t get me wrong, but I think the episode needed a title that was a bit more on-target; something like “trauma” or “mistaken guilt” would have worked better.  It’s also interesting to see Data be emulated rather than doing the emulating for once, while at the same time Troi gets a chance to do really well as ship’s counsellor and co-own this episode with Data.

 Timothy’s mistaken belief that he is responsible for what happens to his ship is also a great example of a fallacy of reasoning that was the title of an early episode of later drama series The West Wing. That flawed reasoning is post hoc, ergo proctor hoc, or translated to English, after it, therefore because of it. The reasoning assumes that if one event occurs after another event, it was cause by that preceding event. However, this reasoning is highly flawed, often because the true cause is often harder to find and overlooked. In this case, Timothy assumes that because his hand hit a control panel just before his ship was destroyed, he was responsible, but had he been more well-versed in starship operations, he would have known his actions couldn’t possibly have been responsible.

 It’s a method of reasoning politicians will often trick members of the public into using when those politicians have screwed something up and don’t want to take the blame.  Too much money going out in benefits?  Blame immigrants rather than the uber-wealthy who fail to cough up their fair share of tax money through loopholes in tax law.  Too much crime?  Blame addicts despite the fact that a) politicians cut spending on police forces, b) they also cut funds to education that could help steer young people away from gang and drug culture, and c) addiction is a medical issue and our NHS is also being targeted by cut-happy politicians.  As with the case of Timothy in this episode, such real-world examples of this kind of reasoning are counter-productive; only when you bother to look at the actual cause of a problem instead of the assumed cause and find an actual solution is the problem solved.  Too bad that in real-life, no one in charge of solving problems actually wants to do so.  For me, this episode gets 9 out of 10; with a better title, I’d have given it full marks.

Episode 12: Violations

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The Enterprise conveys a delegation of Ullians to Calder IV. Tarmin, their leader, explains that Ullians are telepathic historians who conduct their research by retrieving long forgotten memories, and demonstrating this on volunteers by helping Keiko O'Brien recall a lost childhood memory, and revealing Dr Crusher is thinking about her first kiss. Tarmin continues to explain their abilities that require years of training, and his son Jev, also part of the delegation, has not yet reached his potential. Jev is upset at this implication and leaves. Counsellor Troi follows and talks to him, pointing out that her own mother is also quite overbearing. After finding a common bond, Troi leaves for her quarters. While there, she recalls a romantic interlude with Commander Riker, but as the memory gets more intense, Riker begins to assault Deanna, ignoring Deanna's screams of "No!". Suddenly, Riker is replaced by Jev. Troi screams out in pain and collapses, later to be found in a coma.

 Riker speaks to Jev as the last person seen talking to Troi, and asks if he would submit to medical tests to make sure the Ullians do not carry any harmful toxins or pathogens. Jev agrees, but later Riker suffers from a similar flashback and also collapses. Dr Crusher's tests reveal nothing, but her scans of Troi and Riker show an electropathic activity typical of a rare neurological disorder, Iresine Syndrome. However, the doctor rules this out as the disorder would produce a low histamine count, and the counts for Troi and Riker are normal. Captain Picard asks the Ullians if they would allow for further scanning, which Tarmin agrees to. None of the Ullians, nor any of their volunteers during the demonstration, show this disorder. Later, Dr Crusher succumbs to a similar flashback, and Picard asks Lt. Commanders Data and La Forge to continue the investigation. Following Dr Crusher's research, Geordi looks to other cases of Iresine Syndrome in Federation records, eventually discovering two that occurred on Hurada III while a Ullian delegation was present. Picard requests the Ullians to confine themselves to quarters until they resolve the issue.

 Troi wakes from her coma, and when news of this arrives to Jev, he requests to help probe Troi's mind to find out what happened. Picard allows it, and with Jev's help, Troi recounts the memory, ending with the replacement of Riker by Tarmin. Jev asserts that for his people, forcefully inserting oneself into a memory is a crime, and contacts his homeworld to let them know of Tarmin's crime. As they near their destination, Jev comes to say goodbye to Troi, apologizing for his father. When Troi offers sympathy, Jev engages another mind probe, causing the same memory to occur for Troi. Just then, security personnel arrive and take Jev into custody; Data and La Forge had discovered two additional instances of unexplained comas on Nel III, and that Tarmin was on his home planet at that time. As the Enterprise sets course for the Ullian homeworld, Tarmin is cleared, and Riker and Dr Crusher recover from their comas.

Review:

This is a much better stab at tackling the issue of rape than I’ve seen many shows do, and it certainly helps the show redeem the insensitivity with which the same issue is handled back in the second season opening episode “The Child”.  Granted, it’s all done psychically rather than physically, and one could perhaps argue that this makes the episode very strictly metaphoric, but I disagree.  Granted, in the real world telepathy does not exist, but through the application of various tools of mental manipulation in unethical manners, it could well be possible to trick victims into situations where they are subject to mental abuse that could be the psychological equivalent of rape.

 It’s also great to see that this episode acknowledges the act of rape for what it is, namely a form of violence.  Because rape is sometimes also known as sexual assault, many are given the misconception that rape is still somehow a sexual act.  It’s not; sex is about mutual pleasure, either for its own sake or as an expression of romantic love.  Rape is about violence, about the misapplication of a need for control/domination through the victimisation of others.  In addition, Riker’s taken down by this psychic rape analogue along with Troi and Crusher, which highlights that it’s not just women who can be rape victims, while at the same time still keeping women as the majority of the victims in line with the reality of the issue.

 The only real issue I have with the episode is that we as an audience know who the rapist is right from the teaser at the earliest, and from the first attack at the latest.  The look on Jev’s face just before the opening title sequence roles betrays the rapist lurking within, and his face shows up in every single memory invasion.  As a result, it’s hard to buy into Jev’s claim that his father is supposed to be the psychic rapist; the earlier scenes where Tarmin is being outwardly pushy aren’t enough for me to buy that alternate explanation, and the reveal is too soon within the run-time to be the solution.  Overall, I give this episode 8 out of 10.

Episode 13: The Masterpiece Society

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The Enterprise has been assigned to the Moab sector to track a stellar core fragment from a disintegrated Neutron star. They find the fragment is due to pass near Moab IV, threatening a human colony on the planet. On contacting the colony to arrange for evacuation, its leader Aaron Conor refuses, though allows an away team down to discuss the matter. Conor explains that the colony was formed 200 years prior to create a perfect society using genetic engineering and selective breeding, and he and the other leaders feel that evacuation would destroy the perfect order they have achieved. They discuss other alternatives and Enterprise Chief Engineer Geordi La Forge is introduced to Hannah Bates, the colony’s lead scientist in theoretical physics. Bates proposes using a multi-phase tractor beam, powered by the Enterprise's warp core, to push the fragment from its path, which La Forge agrees would be a possible solution. After some deliberation, Bates is allowed to leave the colony to the Enterprise to oversee the process. Meanwhile, Deanna Troi and Conor start to develop a romantic attraction as they try to convince the other leaders that evacuation is the best option.

 Aboard the Enterprise, Bates' solution is found to be effective, but the equipment required is damaged too quickly to be used. La Forge recognizes her solution could be augmented with similar technology that enables his VISOR to operate, allowing the equipment to last long enough to manipulate the fragment safely away from Moab IV. La Forge comments that this solution wouldn't be possible in the current colony's manner of perfection as “imperfections” like blindness would have been outright eliminated. As they continue simulations, they find that the solution is not perfect, but La Forge suggests that they reinforce the colony's shielding during the fragment's passing, allowing the colony to survive the fragment's passage. Conor initially refuses as this would require more Enterprise personnel to transport to the colony, and he fears cultural contamination, but relents when Troi convinces him this is the only solution. The Enterprise is able to push the fragment far enough that the colony appears to be safe.

 As the other Enterprise crew return to the ship, La Forge and Bates check on the status of the colony shielding. Bates reports there are microfractures that will soon fail, and recommends full evacuation. La Forge, having not seen these on his VISOR, recognizes that Bates falsified the readings, as she wishes to leave with the Enterprise, recognizing that the colony has languished behind the technological improvements of the Federation. Admitting her lie, she requests asylum aboard the Enterprise. Several other colonists express their desire to leave. Troi brings Captain Picard to the colony to discuss the matter with Conor. Though Picard recognizes that the colony's society will be altered by agreeing to asylum, he cannot refuse this request as a fundamental right of human free will. Conor reluctantly agrees, and allows Bates and 22 other colonists to leave with the ship. As they leave orbit, Picard comments how this affair is a clear example of the necessity of the Prime Directive; the intervention of the Federation to save the colonists may have, in the end, proved just as dangerous to the colony as any core fragment could ever have been.

Review:

This is a good episode not only for exploring the issue of genetic engineering and Eugenics, but also for pointing out how fundamentally stupid the latter concept is.  One of the many things I remember from my science lessons in school were the words of Charles Darwin, that the strength of nature is in its diversity. The whole reason why Earth has such a variety of life, and why humans are in turn so diverse in and of ourselves, is to enable it to survive.  Wipe out a certain type of life form from the planet, and it wreaks havoc on all the other life.  Wipe out a given racial type from within humanity or any other species, take its number and its genetic diversity too low, and you risk the loss of certain antibodies, or even a lack of sufficient genetic diversity, either of which can result in endangerment or extinction.

 This is seen in the colony featured in this episode; the people and their environment have been made to depend on each other by design in a similar way to how life on Earth is inter-connected and inter-dependent.  Remove enough pieces from the design and the whole thing gets ruined.  In addition, it’s clear from how Benbeck behaves in general and how Bates initially treats Geordi that genetic engineering hasn’t ‘improved’ the people at all.  They’ve each just been pre-programmed to be good at one thing, and in the process, they’ve become anti-disability bigots.  If that’s what genetic engineering would do to humanity, I for one would want any scientist even theorising such changes to be shot, hung, electrocuted or otherwise executed.  As much as the idea of being to work what you’ll do with your life from an early age and then do it brilliantly has a slight appeal, I’d sooner keep hold of an aimless and often incompetent humanity than trade away any hope of humanity getting better at accepting those who aren’t regularly abled.

 Geordi’s line to Hannah is perfect in this regard; when she claims it was the wish of those who founded the colony that no one there should have to ‘suffer’ a life with disability, Geordi retorts “who gave them the right to decide whether or not I might have something to contribute?” This is exactly how everyone who is differently abled must feel at some time or another dealing with the regularly abled world, especially when they start talking about ‘curing’ us, like we’re some kind of disease.  We’re not a disease, we’re people, and being differently abled gives us unique perspectives that add to humanity’s potential and advancement, as Geordi proves when the technology of his visor ends up being what solves the whole problem. Just goes to show that the only people who ever truly blind are those who fail to see value in those of us who are different.

 The one thing spoiling the episode for me is Picard showing regret at mucking up the colony through their interference. While that does gain some plus-points in that it speaks to the idea that humanity needs to leave nature well enough alone more often than not, we’re talking about a colony of anti-disability bigots.  Far as I’m concerned, the Enterprise should muck it up one way or another, and since they didn’t leave well enough alone on the stellar core fragment, dragging these genetically engineered throwbacks out of their moronic ignorance serves just as well. Overall, I give this episode 8 out of 10.

Episode 14: Conundrum

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

After being scanned by an unknown alien spaceship, the Enterprise crew discover that their memories, along with those of the ship's computer, have been partially erased. Although they retain their practical knowledge and skills, none of the crew can remember who their crewmates are, and have forgotten their own identities. Mysteriously, during the scan, an additional crewmember, in an officer's uniform and with the rank of commander, has joined the group on the bridge.

 The bridge crew attempts to gain control of the situation, and Worf, wearing his baldric, assumes because he is decorated that he is the captain of the ship, and assumes command. Data, with the memory files identifying who he is unavailable, and based on where he was when the scan happened, assumes the job of bartender in Ten Forward.

 After considerable time, the ship's computer memory is finally reached, and La Forge brings up the manifest of the senior staff members. Among the bridge crew is listed the mysterious new member who is identified as Commander Kieran MacDuff, the executive officer. The computer also reveals what is apparently the Enterprise's mission: According to the orders, the Enterprise is part of a fleet of vessels fighting a decades-old war with the Lysians. Their current assignment is to destroy the Lysian central command headquarters, which they are to do while maintaining communications silence. Worf apologises to Picard for taking over but is assured he and the rest of the crew were simply doing their best.

 In the meantime, Ensign Ro concludes that she and Commander Riker are likely romantically connected, and pursues this relationship. The two had been bickering about rank and proper procedure prior to the memory loss. Meanwhile Deanna Troi also realizes she has feelings for the commander and finds evidence which supports their past relationship.

 Doctor Crusher works to restore the memories of the crew, a process complicated when it's found that the medical records for the crew have been destroyed. She tries an experimental procedure on MacDuff, who apparently reacts poorly to the treatments, but later smiles when Crusher turns away.

 Continuing toward the target, the Enterprise encounters a Lysian ship, which is easily destroyed. Picard becomes concerned with how mismatched the firepower of the Enterprise is compared to her supposed enemies. Picard complains to MacDuff that he feels as though he has been given a weapon, taken into a room and told to shoot a stranger. Ultimately, when faced with the Lysian central command, drastically incapable of fighting them off and with 15,311 people on board, Picard calls off the mission, stating that he does not fire on defenceless people. Angered by this action, MacDuff attempts to take control of the Enterprise throwing Lt Worf across the bridge when Worf attempts to restrain him. Riker then fires a phaser at MacDuff, revealing that MacDuff is some manner of alien. MacDuff struggles to activate the ship's weapons, but Riker and Worf defeat him by simultaneously firing their phasers at him causing him to collapse.

 D. Crusher is able to restore memories to the crew. The alien is identified as a Satarran, who are at war with the Lysians so they plotted to hijack the Enterprise and tilt the war in their favor.

 Riker remains uneasy when he encounters Troi and Ro in the Ten Forward bar. Troi claims his actions resulted from subconscious desires and curtly informs him that "if you're still confused tomorrow, you know where my office is."

Review:

Compared to “Future Imperfect” and “Clues”, this episode is a better use of the concept of amnesia to throw our characters a curve ball because it’s using it more extensively.  “Future Imperfect” didn’t really use amnesia per se; it was just an excuse to explain why Riker couldn’t remember an ideal-ish future that was actually a holodeck program of sorts.  Likewise, “Clues” only erased memories covering a very short space of time. In this episode, who the characters are gets shoved right out the mental airlock, and it’s fun to see how they try and work their way back to themselves.  The change in the Ro-Riker relationship that creates a love triangle between the two of them and Troi is probably the most amusing concept out of the lot, albeit a predictable use of the whole ‘sexual attraction disguised as antagonism’ cliché if you go by the pre-amnesia relationship between Riker and Ro.

 The biggest problem is the addition of the alien who claims to be Commander MacDuff; just by his presence alone combined with the amnesia, you know the two will be linked, and the solution is given away pretty much the moment the fake mission gets revealed.  There’s no climax or suspense, and most of the characters return to who they should be despite a lack of memories too quickly.  As a result, the more interesting use of amnesia is undermined by this less-than-brilliant execution.  For me, the episode only racks up an end score of 7 out of 10.

Episode 15: Power Play

Plot (as adapted from Wikipedia):

The Enterprise approaches Mab-Bu VI, a moon covered in electromagnetic storms, from where it has detected a distress call. Lt. Commander Data discovers that the distress call is standard for Daedalus-class starships, which went out of service 172 years ago. He then finds that the USS Essex, a Daedalus-class ship, was lost in the region over 200 years ago. After concluding that visiting a ghost ship with an away team in such hazardous conditions is a waste of resources, Captain Picard decides to move on and report the whereabouts of the once-missing ship. However, Counsellor Troi indicates that she feels a living presence on the surface. Data announces that electromagnetic interference prevent the use of the transporter to the moon; Picard authorizes a shuttlecraft mission, manned by Commander Riker, Data, and Troi.

 As the shuttlecraft travels towards the moon's surface, the crew loses control, and makes a crash landing. By the time the shuttle lands, all communication with the Enterprise has been cut off by electromagnetic interference. Riker has a broken arm due to the crash landing and the three crew members emerge from the shuttlecraft to learn about their surroundings. They observe the front of a massive electrical storm. A tricorder scan indicates EM bursts across the entire spectrum.

 Back on the Enterprise, the crew discuss rescuing the crew of the shuttle. Ro Laren uses the descent angle of the shuttlecraft to approximate the landing site. Transporter chief Miles O'Brien proposes that he should transport to the surface and use a pattern-enhancing device to allow a reliable transport of the away team. Lt. Commander La Forge cautions Picard that O'Brien's chance of surviving the transport is about fifty-fifty. O'Brien acknowledges the risk and Picard grants permission. O'Brien safely transports to Mab-Bu VI and prepares the transport procedure. While doing this, the crew is struck by what appear to be bolts of electricity, incapacitating all four members. Three light sources enter the bodies of Data, Troi, and O'Brien, and Riker awakens to finish the pattern buffers. All four are then safely transported back to the Enterprise.

 When they awaken, Data, Troi, and O'Brien insist that the Enterprise conduct a survey of the southern polar region of the moon. The rest of the crew refuse. The three then stage a violent uprising and take command of the ship. They use hostages as leverage to force Picard to change course. Dr Crusher determines that Riker was not affected because the pain from his broken arm repelled whatever force possessed the others. Troi, the leader of the mutineers, then reveals that she is the captain of the Essex. She claims that their spirits were trapped in the electromagnetic fields of the moon and if the Enterprise transports their bones back to Earth, they can be set free. However, Picard is sceptical of her claim because of their violent actions.

 La Forge, Crusher, and Ro devise a plan to separate the possessive entities from the crew members' bodies by inducing pain, then containing them by flooding the area with a particle field. However, the plan fails when Data suddenly moves out of the attack area. After Data threatens to kill everyone in the room, Picard agrees to comply with their demands. He tells Riker to let Data, Troi, and O'Brien move safely to one of the cargo bays. Picard, Worf, and Keiko O'Brien accompany them as hostages. After they arrive, Picard challenges Troi about her claim to be captain of the Essex and she reveals that the moon is a penal colony. O'Brien uses the transporter to beam hundreds of other prisoner entities into the cargo bay. These prisoners are to take over additional crew members' bodies so they can commandeer the Enterprise and return to their home planet.

 The bridge crew activates the particle field, which sequesters the other prisoners. They then prepare to blow the cargo bay hatch, which would kill the six crew members in addition to all the prisoners. Picard, Worf, and Keiko each declare that they are willing to die, which forces the three prisoners to relinquish their hosts. Worf beams all prisoners back to the moon. Data apologizes to Worf for the way he acted when possessed by a prisoner, adding that Worf must have exercised extreme self-control to not fight back. O’Brien is joyfully reunited with his wife and baby daughter.

Review:

This episode stands out for being ‘that one where Marina Sirtis did her own stunt and broke her coccyx’, as well as being perhaps an early prototype for the ‘make O’Brien suffer’ episodes of DS9 fame. Him revealing that he’d have killed the entity possessing him if he could, taken in context with how much O’Brien hates the Cardassians for forcing him to kill when he had to fight in the Federation-Cardassian war, shows this couldn’t have been an easy experience for the character.  However, aside from that, it’s another example of ‘actors playing their characters weird for weirdness’ sake, and again the solution is given away early.  The weird energy going into Data, Troi and O’Brien practically screams possession by an alien consciousness, Data’s actions afterwards telegraph the mutiny ahead of time, and if the behaviour of the possessing entities didn’t scream desperate escaping prisoners, I don’t know what does. For me, this episode is only worth 5 out of 10.

[brokehorrorfan]

Best New Horror Movies on Netflix: Summer 2017

I know there's an overwhelming amount of horror movies to sift through on Netflix, so I've decided to take out some of the legwork by compiling a list of the season's best new genre titles on Netflix's instant streaming service.

Please feel free to leave a comment with any I may have missed and share your thoughts on any of the films you watch. You can also peruse past installments of Best New Horror Moves on Netflix for more suggestions.

1. Clown

Before Spider-Man: Homecoming swings into theaters, watch director Jon Watts' feature debut. Beginning as a faux-trailer that went viral, Clown was essentially willed into existence with the aid of genre favorite Eli Roth (Hostel, Cabin Fever) as a producer. Andy Powers (Oz) stars as a dad who comes across an old clown costume to wear to his son's birthday party, only to find that he physically cannot remove it. He then develops an insatiable hunger for children, soon learning that he must sacrifice five kids in order to remove the suit. Laura Allen (The 4400) plays his wife, while Peter Stormare (Fargo) provides the ancient, demonic history of clowns. Not your typical killer clown movie, Clown combines classic monster movie motifs, body horror elements, supernatural undertones, and gallows humor into one coulrophobic package. Read my full review of the film here.

2. Beyond the Gates

Beyond the Gates was clearly made by horror fans for fellow fans. The 80-minute romp can best be described as Jumanji meets The Beyond. Estranged brothers Gordon (Graham Skipper, Almost Human) and John (Chase Williamson, John Dies at the End), along with Gordon’s girlfriend, Margot (Brea Grant, Halloween II), find and play an old VCR game. They must obey the tape’s host (Barbara Crampton, Re-Animator) in order to solve the mystery of their father's disappearance. It's slightly hindered by a limited budget - the set-up is slow and the ending is a tad anticlimactic - but it's so spirited along the way that the faults barely register. First-time director Jackson Stewart taps into the VHS nostalgia to create a film that would feel perfectly at home on a mom-and-pop video store shelf in the late '80s. Read my full review of the film here.

3. The Eyes of My Mother

The Eyes of My Mother is too pensive for horror fans look for typical blood and scares, but those who appreciate arthouse fare are likely to get wrapped up in its unsettling tone. Writer/director Nicolas Pesce makes an impact with his debut, utilizing stark black-and-white photography to explore a character study illustrating the repercussions of murder. The story is told in three chapters, which each one showing a significant familial moment in a woman's life that shapes her into the disturbed individual she ultimately becomes. It’s a slow burn, even at a mere 76 minutess, but every moment is spent ruminating in its dark tone.

4. Backcountry

Backcountry is based on a true story of a black bear attack. The predator doesn't show up until two thirds of the way through the film; the rest of the time is spent developing the relationship between Alex (Jeff Roop) and Jenn (Missy Peregrym, Reaper), who embark on what's supposed to be a romantic and relaxing weekend hike through the woods. Tensions first rise upon the introduction of an Irish backpacker (Eric Balfour, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), then again when the couple gets lost in the dizzying forest. It finally takes the form of a suspenseful survival thriller when the ferocious bear begins attacking their campsite. The investment in character development is worthwhile, as it causes the viewer to care about them, thereby making the final act even more harrowing. Real bears were used during production, adding to the ripe intensity.

5. Dig Two Graves

The first act of Dig Two Graves could be mistaken for a coming-of-age drama - not only thematically but also stylistically - as a young girl (Samantha Isler, Captain Fantastic) from a podunk town attempts to reconcile with her brother's death. Things really heat up when a trio of creepy men tell her they can bring him back to life... but someone else has to take his place. The story is structured in an interesting way, sprinkling in flashbacks that contextualize the actions taking place in the present. Isler delivers a brilliant performance, as does Ted Levine (The Silence of the Lambs), who plays her grandfather, the town's sheriff.

6. XX

XX is a horror anthology made up of four segments written and directed by females, each one strong and unique. “The Box” by Jovanka Vuckovic adapts a Jack Ketchum short story about a boy who's forever changed upon seeing the contents of a mysterious box. “The Birthday Party” by Annie Clark (better known as musician St. Vincent) is a darkly comic tale about a woman who finds her husband dead on the day of her daughter's birthday party. “Don’t Fall” by Roxanne Benjamin (Southbound) turns a serene hike into a blood-thirsty creature feature. “Her Only Living Son” by Karyn Kusama (The Invitation) finds a mother learning a deep, dark secret about her son. There's not much of a through line outside of them all being female-led (3/4 of which are maternal roles), though neat stop-motion animation wraps around the tales. Several familiar faces populate the cast, including Melanie Lynskey (Heavenly Creatures), Natalie Brown (The Strain), and Mike Doyle (Law & Order: Special Victims Unit). It's no secret that we need more female voices in film, and XX is a potent declaration that's impossible to ignore.

7. Stake Land II: The Stakelander

Despite a terrible title that could be mistaken for a joke, Stake Land II: The Stakelander is a sequel to Stake Land, Jim Mickle's impressive 2010 vampire film (which you should watch first; it's also on Netflix). Mickle resigns to executive producer, but his co-writer, Nick Damici, returns to pen the script. Damici also reprises his role as Mister, reuniting with Connor Paolo as Martin. The vampire slaying duo embark on a journey across a Mad Max 2-style post-apocalyptic wasteland infested with ferocious vampires, which resemble zombies more than your traditional bloodsuckers. As is often the case, it's the other humans that prove to be the real threat. Like its predecessor, the film finds a rare balance between drama and intensity. It's not as effective as the original, but fans won't be disappointed by the follow-up.

8. Tag

Tag (also known as Riaru onigokko) is not for everyone, but it's too gleefully weird not to warrant a recommendation. Written and directed by Sion Sono (Suicide Club), the Japanese film opens with a bus full of school girls getting sliced in half in one fell swoop. It only gets stranger from there as the infinite possibilities of multiple universes are explored. One girl survives each time, continually awakening in different realities after watching all her friends get killed in gory fashions - including a teacher mowing down her class with a mini-gun. I thought it might be adapted from a manga, as it has that bizarre, fantastical feel to it, but it's instead based on a novel. It's dreamlike and absurd but not without heart.

9. The Windmill

The Windmill (formerly known as The Windmill Massacre) is a slasher film from the Netherlands, although it's (mostly) in English. It follows a guided bus tour of Holland that breaks down near a mysterious windmill. One by one, the passengers are picked off by a cool-looking killer armed with a scythe. With glossy production value and a dark tone, it feels more like a throwback to late '90s slashers rather than the golden age of the '80s - but there's still some solid gore and practical effects. It doesn't reinvent the wheel, but the film offers a slightly more involved plot than the average slasher, including flawed characters and supernatural elements. It's also gleefully mean-spirited to the very end.

10. Man Vs.

As you may have guessed from the name, Man Vs. uses a survival reality show as the framing device for a creature feature. Doug (Chris Diamantopoulos, Silicon Valley) is the survival expert/host, filming himself in the Canadian wilderness - only to learn that he's not alone. It would have been cheaper to make a found footage film, but it's more effect as a traditional movie - though there are some shots from Doug's gear. The set-up is a bit slow, however you may learn some survival tips along the way. The story essentially becomes Survivorman vs. Predator in the final act. Unfortunately, the CGI creature is Syfy-level bad, preventing the big reveal from having much impact, but Diamantopoulos delivers a solid performance nonetheless.

11. Abattoir

Abattoir is directed by Darren Lynn Bousman (Saw II-IV, Repo! The Genetic Opera), based on the same named graphic novel he created. It follows a real estate journalist (Jessica Lowndes, 90210) and a detective (Joe Anderson, The Crazies) as they investigate a series of houses in which tragedies occurred having the offending rooms torn out. They end up in a Twin Peaks-esque town where a local (Lin Shaye, Insidious) tells them of Jebediah Crone (Dayton Callie, Sons of Anarchy), an enigmatic reverend attempting to build a gateway to pure evil. Although set in the present, the picture is an unabashed love letter to film noirs of the 1940s and ‘50s. While the execution of the fascinating concept is lacking, Bousman manages to create a wonderfully imaginative neo-noir universe rife with spooky atmosphere. Read my full review here.

Bonus: The Keepers

If you were among the throngs of viewers morbidly captivated by Making a Murderer, The Keepers will be your new true crime fix. The Netflix original documentary series is every bit as compelling and frustrating as Making a Murderer, but the heinous crimes are even more stomach churning. The story revolves around an unsolved murder case of 26-year-old nun in 1969 and her then-students who have teamed up decades later to try to get to the truth. There appears to be a cover up that involves sexual abuse at the hands of a priest. The show consists of seven hour-long episodes. It probably could have been shaved down to five, but it's structured in such a way that make you want to keep binge watching.

Bonus: Riverdale: Season 1

Riverdale is like Twin Peaks meets Pretty Little Liars by way of Archie Comics. It reinvents the classic Archie characters for a modern audience with an interesting murder/mystery plot. I'm admittedly beyond the key demographic for the trashy teen drama that ensues, but the first season is fun enough, albeit inconsistent, to hook me. Several of the younger actors deliver great performances, given the heavy-handed material, but it's even more fun to see the parents played by '90s stars like Luke Perry (Beverly Hills, 90210), Mädchen Amick (Twin Peaks), Robin Givens (Head of the Class), and Skeet Ulrich (Scream). If you enjoy MTV's Scream, you'll likely get a kick out of this one as well.