#stopped them from exploring it to a degree I'd like

[zepskies]

This is more of a Sam and Dean request than a reader and Dean request but what about Sam having a crush on Dean's gf? How would he react to that, I am honestly CRAVING angst and this is the angstiest, is that a word, thing I could think of, I am so sorry if you don't like angst or this makes you uncomfortable!!!

Oh my God. You killed me with this one, hun. 😫😫 I have another SB imagine coming next week, but I thought I'd put out this one for Dean to break it up a bit.

Pairing: Dean W. x Reader, one-sided Sam W. x Reader Word Count: 1,500

Imagine: You are Dean's one exception.

Sam knows it's wrong.

You're smart, with a degree in history that aids them well on hunts.

You're sharp, with a smart mouth that rivals Dean's (and keeps him on his toes).

But you're also kind. You take care of him and Dean with all the feminine grace and care they've never had in their lives.

Sam realizes it when he's up until 3 a.m. in the bunker's War Room. He's sat at the table, researching, eyes bleary, hands cramping from turning pages. And he finds a mug of hot tea sliding next to his idle hand on the table.

You're there with a smile and a hand on his shoulder. "Workin' hard or hardly working?"

Sam clears his throat and nods, chuckles a little. "I'm good." He eyes the mug. "Thanks, though I might need something stronger."

You eye him with gentle reproach. "Nope. Green tea is better for you this late at night. You really should go to sleep, Sam."

Sam tacitly agrees, but only because he can feel the warmth of your hand through his clothing, and it makes his face warmer than the tea. He watches you walk away, notices the curve of your ass in those little shorts. He can imagine your warm hands on his body, caressing him. He can imagine letting his lips graze your skin, exploring you, then devouring you.

And that's when his thoughts stutter to a halt. Sam inwardly cringes.

Despite his sleep-deprived brain, he's reminded that you're traveling down the hall to the room you share with his brother, and for Sam, it's nothing short of torture.

Because he realizes then that he isn't just fond of you. He doesn't love you like an older brother, or even a quasi-brother-in-law. He wants you.

Again, Sam knows it's wrong...but he can't help it. It's one of the saddest cliches in the fucking book. You're his brother's girl, and he wants you for himself.

And it's getting harder to hide it from Dean. They know each other too well -- a result of having no one but each other, but more practically, having lived in such close quarters for so long before they discovered the bunker.

When Sam gets hurt on a hunt, the cut is at a bad angle. He can't quite reach, so you dutifully come around and gently move his hand out of the way to do the stitch yourself. You tsk at him in playful disappointment. "I swear, it's a wonder you and Dean aren't walking patchwork quilts at this point."

Sam chuckles through his nose, wincing when the movement pulls on the stitch. You shoot him a stern look. "Stop moving."

"You're the one making me laugh!" he says, smiling incredulously.

"I don't accept excuses," you retort. "Keep still, please."

"Yes, ma'am," Sam says, his breath hitching for a different reason as he feels your soft hands along his side. He plays it off as pain. "Sorry," you murmur more sincerely. He tells you it's okay. His gaze flicks up, unconsciously finding Dean's face across the room.

He's just finished cleaning a cut on his hand. But he's been watching; Sam can tell. Dean's too perceptive not to notice Sam's discomfort. He probably even knows why. Sam can see a glint of it in Dean's eyes, the stoic front of his face.

"There we go!" you say in satisfaction, and you pat Sam's bare arm. He gives you a wan smile. "Thanks."

"You done, sweetheart?" Dean asks. You get up from your seat by Sam. "What do you need?" you ask.

"You. Come 'ere," he says with a smile, giving you a beckoning finger. "I felt that knot on the back of your head earlier. Think you're slick?"

You huff, but you also smile, in the way you only do for Dean. Sam watches you get up and go to Dean, who touches your cheek, stroking with a thumb first. Then he parts your hair to inspect the back of your head, and you wince a bit. You did fall pretty hard, now that Sam thinks of it. He frowns.

Dean lets out a deep breath. "You've got a nasty bump. You're taking it easy tonight, got it?"

"Yeah? Gonna help me relax?" you whisper. But Sam still hears you, because apparently no one taught you how the hell to whisper.

Dean smirks. "Watch it. I'll think you're flirting with me."

You give him a coy smile as your hand travels up his chest, between the open edges of his plaid shirt, then all the way down, to tease at his belt. "Believe me, when I do, you'll be the first one to know."

Dean's smirk deepens, but his eyes are softer. He closes a hand around yours and brings it to his lips. You lean up and request, wordlessly, for a kiss. Dean obliges you, capturing your lips with a soft kiss.

He eventually breaks from you, only to press his lips to your forehead next, closing his eyes with a sigh. He doesn't like it when you try to hide your injuries from him. You just don't want him to worry so much.

You smile and rest against his chest afterwards. It's clear as day what your heart holds.

It's hard for Sam to watch. His throat constricts, but he takes pains to avert his gaze.

He's so full to the brim with this that he sees no other recourse. He catches Dean alone in the kitchen and tries to make a confession. "Dean, we need to talk."

"Can it wait 'til I'm done?" Dean's plating up some stovetop mac and cheese -- your favorite.

"You're done cooking," Sam points out. Dean looks up at him. "We're doing a little dinner in bed situation. I made her promise to take it easy."

Sam admires the way Dean takes care of you. He really does. But it's also like a small oyster knife twisting in his gut. "Good. I'm glad," is all he says. "Yeah, we can talk later."

"Later" doesn't come for a long time. Weeks, in fact. But every time he tries to broach the problem, Dean finds a way to wiggle out of having the conversation. Always a distraction. A hunt. A fire you almost started in the kitchen. Being "in the middle" of something -- something in the bedroom that you insist needs Dean's immediate attention. Sam gives up for a while after that.

But Winchesters are nothing if not goddamn stubborn. Sam finally catches Dean alone in his room for once. You've gone to the grocery store, leaving the brothers alone in the bunker, but not for long, so Sam needs this chance.

"Dean, can we talk?"

Dean looks up at his brother from where he sits on the edge of his bed. He taps his knee, releases a breath. They both know what this is.

"Are you gonna do more than talk?" Dean asks. It's not what Sam expects. "What?"

"Whatever's on your mind, are you ever gonna do something about it?" Dean asks.

Sam stares back at his brother. He thinks. Hard. He's flipped back and forth for months. If he tells you how he feels, it's over. Things will never be the same between the three of you. It'll confuse you. It might even hurt you. It'll hurt Dean. Sam loves you both, if in very different ways.

So Sam is a bit deflated when he raises his resigned gaze and meets his brother's. "No."

After a moment, Dean nods. "Then we've got nothing to talk about."

But... Sam wants not to want you. Not to love you. Deep, deep down, a large chunk of him feels that he shouldn't have to hide himself. That you have a right to know the depths of what he feels, and what he feels for you.

"I see you're not convinced," Dean says dryly. Sam is silent, until Dean sighs and beckons him over. Sam obliges and sits down next to his older brother, the man he's looked up to (at least metaphorically) his whole life.

"I'd give my life for you. You know that. Right, Sammy?" Dean says. "If I couldn't tear the world apart, I'd lay myself out flat."

Sam sighs. "Dean..." Of fucking course he knows that. Dean already had given his life for him once. Remembering that only adds to Sam's guilt.

Dean meets Sam's gaze directly then. "But this is where I draw the line. She's my line," he says. His face is almost stoic, but his eyes are filled with unyielding fire. "I'm not layin' down on that. Not for you. Not for anyone."

Sam's heart clenches with every kind of pain, but he's also never respected his brother more. He nods. "I get it."

"No, you really fucking don't," Dean says. He's more than serious. "I mean it, Sam. I'll break your damn nose."

After a long moment, Sam nods. He knew Dean loved you. Of course he did. But this is the first time Sam truly understands how deeply. How completely. It's more than jealousy can fathom.

Sam realizes then that he lost, even before he began.

AN: Whew! 😮‍💨 I got way deeper into this than I expected to. Poor Sam. 😭 But I hope this scratched your angsty itch, my dear!

Read the Sequel

Here's the requested sequel to this: Sam crosses the line.

Also, if you want to read the reverse of this (Dean is in love with Sam's girlfriend): Dean gives you an impossible choice.

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[jinxhallows]

kinktober #oo8 | the doctor is in

KINKTOBER 2023 || jinxhallows the doctor is in (medical play) || chan x fem!reader summary: you and chan have been together for a while and decide to explore something more outside the box in regards to intimacy. he's always thought your former job as a nurse was fascinating, and the idea of a hot nurse was always a sexy concept to him; but now, its chan's turn to play doctor, and he’s done his research in full, and takes to his role a little too well… warnings: medical play, and all that entails, without revealing too much - including medical instruments, gynecological based scenes, description/plot heavy, I purposefully saved this for the 8th entry because it’s kinky on the border of off putting to some folx, I wanted you to be familiar with how far I push limits in my work by digesting the previous entries first, if you do not like it, skip it, established relationship, 'good girl' and 'good girl' adjacent pet names, non-idol AU

word count: 3.7k masterlist - click here

"Do you remember when we talked about trying out that doctor roleplay?" you inquire, gently setting the cardboard box on the table. The solid thud of its weight makes Chan wince. Leaning across the table, you give him a quick kiss.

As you pull back, Chan opens his eyes and asks, "Yeah? Why do you bring it up now? What's on your mind?"

"I've decided to bring some work home this time."

You begin unpacking the supplies, starting with a box of syringes with securely attached needles. Then, you reveal a pack of sterilized hemostats, along with packs of gauze, bandages, catheters (both IV and urinary), and various other medical instruments. While these items are familiar to you from your former career as a nurse, Chan has never encountered such materials outside of a doctor's office, and some of them are entirely new to him.

But Chan does remember the vivid conversation you had, especially after your last check-up when you excitedly shared your detailed ideas.

It was something he had never heard of at the time—medical play?

-

"So, basically like...playing doctor?" Chan leaned back in his chair, interlocking his fingers behind his head.

"Kind of. But this time, I want to make it more immersive, by actually using real supplies," you explain. Your eyes briefly drift to his veiny forearm and back to his eyes, but you're not subtle enough, and he catches your glance, lowering his arms.

"I remember now," he says, his face lighting up with a humorous recollection as he continues, "Back when you first started in the Emergency, you kept saying you wanted to draw my blood, claiming I'd be an easy poke."

You're about to offer a retort, but he stops you with a raised finger, a mischievous grin spreading across his lips as he starts laughing at the thought. After a moment, he takes a breath, turning somewhat serious.

"If we do this, I get to go first."

You're relieved at his enthusiasm. It's certainly an unusual request, but by now, Chan is well-acquainted with your eccentricities.

"What do you mean? As the patient or the doctor?"

"The Doctor, of course," Chan says, slowly turning in his chair. He forms an imaginary TV screen with his hands in front of his face. "Yeah, I can see it now." The chair completes its 360-degree turn, bringing him back to face you as he concludes,

"Dr. Bang will see you now."

-

As you meticulously unpack the box, your boyfriend's hand reaches over, picking up a container of 25g needles, and he studies it with intense curiosity. His leg bounces nervously beneath the table.

"On a scale of one to a serious medical emergency, how likely are we to kill each other tonight?" he quips, his eyes lifting from the box, a dubious brow raised in question.

"As long as we steer clear of sharps to start with, we’ll be alright."

“We’ll be alright,” Chan scoffs with a laugh. He cracks a grin as he opens the box between his hands and extracts one of the capped needles, spinning it between his fingers. With a swift, deft 'crack,' he twists it open and removes the cap, revealing the sharp, fine needle underneath. He gives it another once-over before turning his gaze back to you. He's pondering deeper now, his eyes tracing down to the sliver of skin peeking out from your silk robe, stopping at the upper thigh.

"I don't even wanna know how you got a'hold of all of this."

Chan caps the needle and carefully sets it back down on the table. He recognizes that admitting a desire like this was a vulnerable thing for you, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious himself ever since you first had mentioned it.  One night, when you were out, he threw the term you taught him into a porn site—medical play—and watched, wide eyed and bricked up from all the scenes he began to discover.

You trust him, you've said, to handle your body with care. You couldn't imagine letting anyone other than Chan partake in this experiment, and once he gets past the initial discomfort of potentially messing up, you're certain he'll take excellent care of you.

Because that's just Chan's nature.

"Well then, shall we?" He rises from his seat, wrapping a reassuring arm around your waist beneath your robe, pulling your body close to his. Your naked skin brushes against the fabric of his clothes as he plants a gentle kiss on your lips. "I need to change first. Can you give me a few minutes?"

You respond with a light, airy snort.  “You’re gonna change your clothes?  You’re really dedicated, huh?”

"I mean, personally, I wouldn't want a doctor in boardies, a singlet, and thongs anywhere near me with a scalpel. Wouldn't be very professional now, would it?" Chan says as he heads towards the bottom of the stairs, kicking off his house shoes. The sound of his bare footsteps fades as he ascends the stairs, leaving you alone with your thoughts. 

You nibble on the inside of your lower lip, feeling a touch of nervousness. You expected more resistance from him, but not only is he going along with it, it seems like he's enjoying the idea.

You pack everything back into the box and hurry upstairs to the bedroom. You grab a folding table from storage and unfold it, providing a surface for the tools of the trade for tonight. One by one, you lay out the supplies. Both of you are uncertain about what this experience will be like, or if you'll even enjoy it, so you've gathered a variety of items. Feeling apprehensive about making incisions? Opt for a needle. If you're new to poking, avoid breaking the skin and use a blunt medical tool instead. If things get a little too intense, there are bandages, staplers, and skin glue to the rescue. There are so many options here; surely, there's something that Chan will feel comfortable using.

As you arrange the table neatly, you can't help but imagine the sensual sensation of each item against your skin. You set everything up for easy access, lost in your thoughts, when you suddenly hear the door creak open behind you.

You turn around to find your very own Christopher Bang standing there, fastening his watch.  The sleeves of his white collared shirt are rolled up to his elbows, revealing firehose veins that run up his arms like the roots of a sturdy tree. It makes you wish you were the one in charge tonight.

The thought of drawing blood from him is undeniably enticing.

Chan, dressed impeccably in a white button-down tucked into dark pants, fits the part perfectly. The desire to clear the table and let him have his way with you right there and then crosses your mind.

"Fuck me," you mutter under your breath.

He chuckles. "Maybe later, but for now, have a seat for me?" He taps the edge of the bed and settles into the office chair that used to belong at his computer desk, now strategically positioned next to your makeshift doctor's examination bed. Chan busies himself with the satisfying snap of pulling on his gloves, casting his eyes over the array of instruments spread out on the table. He inspects each object before swiveling the chair to face you, a confident smile gracing his features. His gloved hands dangle between his legs, fingers intertwined.

"So, Y/N, I'm Dr. Bang, and I'm the doctor on call tonight.”  He lifts his wrist to glance at his watch before his eyes meet yours again, “It's pretty late, though. Care to tell me what's going on?"

His act is so convincing that you blink twice, half-expecting him to break character at any moment, dissolve into laughter, and physically cringe. But Chan smoothly glides closer, planting both hands on your knees. Your breath catches in your throat.

“Hey, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to tonight, yeah? You still up for this?” He checks in with you, and his sincerity reassures you that he's the right person to explore this with.

“Of course, I just didn’t expect you to take it so seriously.”

“You trust me, and I take that very seriously.”  He runs his hands up and down the silky expanse of your thighs, his smile revealing a tiny dimple. "Go ahead and lie back for me." He rises as you recline onto the bed, and he attentively adjusts your robe, ensuring your modesty. Chan gently tugs the fabric closed over your body, all the while looking down at you with genuine affection. "Not a fan of doctor's visits, are you? You seemed nervous earlier, but are you experiencing any discomfort right now?" He starts applying gentle pressure around the perimeter of your abdomen. His touch feels eerily authentic, causing you to briefly forget this is a role-play scenario.

"I am," you confess, observing him as he focuses on the area just below your navel. A sharp sensation shoots through you, making you gasp involuntarily, a sound that surprises both of you. Chan momentarily halts, clearly caught off guard, before reestablishing eye contact with you. "Did that hurt?" He presses again, and you instinctively cover your mouth, stifling your reaction.

"Hey," Chan tenderly grasps your wrist, guiding your hand away from your mouth, "I'm not a vet. I need my patients to use their words, so I can provide the best care."

"It's right below where you pressed, Doctor; it just...it's uncomfortable right now, like–an ache. It’s hard to explain.” you say, barely managing to articulate in a roleplay appropriate way that you're getting hornier by the second and can swear your pussy has its own heartbeat at this point.

"Below, like... here?" Chan's gloved right hand moves an inch lower, hovering right above your soft, puffy pubis. He's teasing, and his mischievous grin gives it away.

"Lower," you reply with a sultry undertone, encouraging his exploration.

Chan's fingers press against your warmth, causing your hips to rise against his touch. He immediately stops and wheels himself backward to a nearby table laden with an array of medical equipment. You lift your head, peering over your chest to see what he's up to. Sensing your curious eyes on him, he looks over at you, his hand resting on a packaged instrument that remains elusive from your vantage point on the bed.

A chuckle escapes his lips. This was what you wanted, wasn't it? Well, now he's getting into the role-play more than he expected. The clinical setting, the pristine, sterile instruments, and your presence in that beautiful black silk robe, waiting with bated breath and those wide, enchanting eyes – it all triggers a surge of power in Chan that he didn't anticipate. Not like this, at least.

"So, when did you first notice the pain?"

“When you came in the fucking room.”

Chan laughs softly. "You're not very good at this," he remarks, picking up a stethoscope and draping it around his neck. "Let's start with some basics since you're a bit anxious. I'll ease you into it."

His tone conveys an underlying promise, and you watch as he leans over your body, slipping his hand beneath the fabric of your robe, the cool stethoscope head making contact with your skin. As soon as you feel the gloved fingers on your body, you sense your nipples hardening against the silk fabric. Chan notices too as he listens, although he's uncertain what he's searching for, his brow furrowed as he shifts the stethoscope over slightly, catching the rapid increase in your heartbeat.

He likes being able to hear the effect he has on you.

Chan removes the stethoscope from his ears, placing it around his neck again. "You've got a strong ticker!" he remarks with a smile, closing your robe as professionally as a real doctor. "Now, open up for me,"

You blink at him, an immediate desire to spread your legs rising within you, but you obediently open your mouth instead as he places a thermometer underneath your tongue. You hold it firmly in place.

"Good girl. Keep this up, and I might reward you with a lollipop later." The thermometer beeps, and he removes it, sitting back down in his chair and rolling over to the table. "Ninety-nine point six, perfect. See? Nothing to be afraid of." He picks up a nearby pen and scribbles something down on a notepad, then proceeds to examine the various instruments, silently evaluating each one.

What was he going to do to you? Was he going to poke you with a needle? Give you an enema?  You’d give anything to be inside of his brain right now and know what he’s plotting.

“Chris—“

"Ah, ah, ah," he tuts, raising a finger into the air, still deciding his next move.

You stop yourself, close your eyes, and take a deep breath.

"Dr. Bang," you say, emphasizing his title with respect.

"Hmm?" He responds, much more content with the formal address than his first name.

"What exactly... are you planning to do to me today?"

To your dismay, he spins around toward you, holding a chosen instrument—a metal speculum. Out of all things? Does he even know how to work it? 

You swallow hard, the thought of him meddling with your insides making you squirm internally. But you play your part. You're in an examination.

“I'm here to make you feel better; it's my job. I'll need to take a good look inside to determine why you’re in so much discomfort.”

You watch and wait for him to ask you how to open the sterilized package. Instead, he deftly peels it open from the top and holds the speculum over a green surgical drape on a nearby metal tray with a muffled clang, tossing the packaging aside. He can sense your disbelief in your expression as he looks back up at you.

"How did you-"

"Yeah, so you know how people say your phones are always listening to you?" Chan slides his chair back until he's positioned right between your legs, and the sheer confidence in his movement reminds you of the residents you've assisted on numerous occasions. It's undeniably turning you on.

"Yeah?" you reply.

"Well, ever since we first discussed it, my algorithm's gone haywire," he says, shaking his head with a sigh, his elbow resting on his thigh. "It takes a truly special person to do this kind of work." He taps the edge of the bed as he speaks, and you shift up so your hips rest on the edge, your legs hanging off.

"That being said," Chan hooks his arms underneath your legs' crooks, lifting them up so your feet lie flat on the bed, spread open. Your robe is far from sufficient to keep you from being exposed. The swiftness of his motion sends a breeze across your most intimate area, letting you know just how aroused he's gotten you with minimal contact. You can hear the click of the lid on the lube as he coats his fingers.  

“You'll feel my fingers first, and then a little cold and some pressure, alright?"

His voice is soothing, and you exhale, saying, "Alright," your hands folded on your stomach.

"Take a deep breath for me," You feel his fingers first, just as he promised. Two gloved digits slide inside you, and your gasp is nearly reflexive as you clench around them when he curls them upwards, caressing that special spot. "That's it, keep breathing, relax," he instructs.

As he guides you into a state of calm with his slow and soothing words, you notice the change in temperature and texture as the cool metal speculum slides gently into you, not all the way, slowly stretching against your pulsing walls. Here you are, in your own bedroom, with Chan talking you through it, his palm resting on your inner thigh. His eyes switch between your glistening core and your furrowed brows, and your slow panting. He’s waiting for you to fold, to tell him to stop, that this is too much. But you don’t.

Chan secures the device in place, creating an opening that's not too wide but still provides him with better access than he's ever had before. And you're willingly letting it happen.

He checks in on you, discreetly adjusting the front of his pants to make room for the tent he was pitching. "How are you feeling?"

"It feels different than it usually does," you remark, your tummy fluttering with a chuckle, dispelling any lingering tension.

"Yeah? Different in what way?" His hand vanishes between your thighs as he slides his fingers back inside you, and this time, he stands over you, studying your reactions while his other hand moves beneath your navel.

"I mean, usually I don't expect my doctor to—" You cut yourself off with a moan as he presses both inside you and firmly on top of you simultaneously. 

At that moment, Chan decides that he absolutely loves this.

"What was that?" he asks, as if that moment hadn’t happened.

"I usually don't expect my doctors to... well, you know," you say.

God, you were such a freak.

Did he turn you on that much? That you’d let him do this to you? Does he have that much of a hold on you?

“This is where it hurts?”

“Y-Yeah.”

He really doesn’t need you to say it.  He knows you want him to rail you, as if your expressons aren’t enough; he can feel your walls yearning to close around something, anything, so desperately.

The anticipation of what it would feel like to remove the speculum and have your tightness engulf him as it shrinks back sends a shiver down his spine.

He tugs at the crotch of his pants again.

"How about when I do this?" He starts a gentle but confident massage of your abdomen, and your hips slowly begin to rotate, pleading for more pressure.  You can’t move much, the device forcing your movements to remain minute, lest it become uncomfortable.

"Feels–" you curl your fingers into the sheets, the pressure from the speculum inside you battling with your natural urge to clench around nothing, stealing your breath.

Chan captures your lips with his own. "Does that feel good?"

"Mhm," you nod, feeling his hand slipping between your legs again, accompanied by the sounds of his belt buckle being undone as he kisses you once more, both of you breathless.  This must’ve been turning him on too, and now, you can hear it and feel it in the stiff, swollen head of his cock leaking against the warmth of your inner thigh as he disengages the metal spacer, it feels far warmer than it did going in, and you sigh as it leaves your body, but before you can register the emptiness left behind, Chan’s warm, girth  replaces the foreign object, and you both groan in tandem with the feeling.

“Fuck, babe,” He breathes at the sensation.  Your pussy is so hungry for him, the way you swallow him up is unholy.  And as he pulls his hips back and snaps them into you again, he’s certain you’ve never been this wet before, ever.

“Oh god, finally,” Your eyes roll back into your head, knees pushed back, your robe now fully splayed open, with the most perfect visuals of your tits, Chan leans forward and you wrap your legs around his waist, “I think I figured out what’s wrong,” he whispers, the ends of his stethoscope dangling onto your bare skin, “Want me to make you feel better baby?” He begins thrusting into you, “Is that why it was hurting? Hm? Because you needed me to fill you up?”

“Yeah, yeah I did—needed you–so bad–doctor, god I–fuck Chan I–love you–I-”

You don’t even make any sense and you resort to a breathless laugh as your teeth chatter with a sharp inhale.

“Aw, my babygirl, you’re a mess.  It’s worse than I thought.” Chan chuckles and has to pause to regain his composure. Pulling the stethoscope off, he tosses it aside and lifts the hem of his dress shirt, holding it between his teeth as he thrusts into you, now able to watch how you paint his cock with your juices every time he disappears inside of you. His lower abs flex and contract with each stroke, while muffled, elongated groans escape through clenched teeth. His palm presses down on that spot beneath your tummy again, and he feels your body clenching under his touch as he thrusts even deeper, he wants to feel himself inside of you, each movement of your hips daring him to split you in half entirely.

Your vision becomes hazy, and you struggle to concentrate beneath drooping eyelids, on the verge of being overwhelmed by sensations. You move your mouth, but words won't form, only heavy sighs and gasps provoked by his every move as if you were his puppet. If you could form coherent thoughts, you'd be thanking him for reminding your lungs to breathe, enabling you to catch your breath at all.

Now, you're climaxing, and it takes him by surprise. A choked, guttural groan escapes his throat as the wet end of his shirt falls from between his teeth, thin streams of drool trickling down his chin as he climaxes just moments after yours. The release leaves him feeling lightheaded, and he catches himself on his elbow, breathing heavily with his forehead pressed against yours. Your eyes are closed as you try to catch your own breath.

Chan's stamina surpasses yours, and his heavy breathing turns into soft laughter as he places his palm against your cheek. You laugh along with him; it's hard not to when Chan's laughing. It serves as a release that sends chills and butterflies through your stomach, having experienced something so exhilarating together.

Your fingers curl around his palm against your cheek as your eyes crinkle. "You've definitely done this before."

Chan sits next to you on the bed.  “I haven’t, promise,” “Hm.  You may have a future in theatre then.” “Think so? Maybe I can get famous and quit my shitty job.” He laughs leaning down to kiss the tip of your nose. “Since you’re the one with the medical background, I wouldn’t be against you poking me next time.”

“Next time?”

“Oh yeah. You’ve got all those supplies.  I’m just getting started.”

- fin

[andhumanslovedstories]

hello this is kind of heavy and no pressure at all to answer. and apologies because im sure you must have answered this before. but do you go through like a pain management flow chart for your patients and if so what are some of the steps? my dad is having some medical issues and i want to be able to help him manage his pain as much as i can. thank you and enjoy wasteland!

I work in a hospital setting so my pain management care plan is part of an interdisciplinary team in that setting. It's relatively easy for me to get, say, IV pain meds for a patient with extreme breakthrough pain. I don't know how well my approach would translate outside of that setting, I'm not palliative care trained, and I don't personally deal with chronic or acute pain (which is why I'm answering this publicly so other people can chime in), but in broad strokes:

First: Define pain. What type of pain is it? Muscle pain? Indigestion? Neuropathy? Surgical site? Stiffness from lack of movement? Is part of the pain also the fear of the pain? Sometimes when pain has been bad for a long time, or even has been bad in a short-term but very notable way, the idea of hurting that bad again is traumatizing. That fear of pain can, unfortunately, make you focus more on the pain you're feeling because now it's not just the physical sensation of pain, it's also the psychological impact of it.

Then, how does the pain affect you? Is it stopping you from sleeping? Is it stopping you from eating? Is it making you short-tempered or depressed? Does it make it difficult to focus on things? Does it make you nauseated? Anxious? Isolated? Do you feel like you need to hide it from those who care about you?

Everything pain is and affects is a place where you can intervene. Some of these interventions will be very small and would, if they were the only intervention, feel completely inadequate. Pain relief is rarely "you do one thing and you're done." You're addressing pain on multiple fronts, and sometimes that doesn't mean your focus isn't just the reduction of pain but the restoration of what pain has taken away. It's possible the worst part of pain for you isn't the pain itself but, for example, the immobility it causes. Are there different ways you can learn to move? Can you get a grabber? Can you get a shower chair? Can you find physical therapy exercises that help you regain strength or stop you from deconditioning to the degree you're able? What mobility aids might restore movement to you?

And if returning mobility is not possible at this time or ever, how can you modify your environment to support you? Can you figure out what bothers you the most about that immobility and mitigate that? If it's annoying that not being able to leave bed makes you bored, what can be within arm's reach? If it's frustrating that being too painful to move means you feel isolated from other people, can you make wherever you are more central? If pain makes having your bed on the second floor unfeasible, can you move your bed to the first floor? How can you adapt the environment around you?

I'd encourage movement too, to the degree it is possible. Being in the same position HURTS. If it feels good to stretch but you can't do it by yourself, can someone help you with range of motion? (You can look up "passive range of motion" to get an idea of how to do that.) This doesn't need to be exercising, just exploring the joy of moving your body. Related to movement is physical touch. I love lotions and medicated creams for pain patients because you can turn them into massages. Just be careful with pressure and be open about what hurts and what feels good. At the most gentle end of the spectrum is something called the M Technique which isn't even massage, it's like guided gentle touch. Give the body something else to feel.

Different medications work better with different types of pain. This part is hard to talk about in general because of the specificity of some pain med regiments. Tylenol is great, but be cautious with how much you are taking (acetaminophen overdoses are no joke) and remember that there's a point where more tylenol doesn't mean more pain relief. Opioids are great, but they can be very dangerous and aren't well-indicated for a lot of types of chronic pain. Even if opioids work best, I'd encourage you to be working on pain reduction on multiple fronts, as opioids are so controlled, it is easy to lose access to them. If opioids give you enough pain relief to do physical therapy, then make sure to do that physical therapy. Medications are amazing and I love them and I give out PRNs like crazy, but similarly to how I can't just take my depression meds and stop being depressed, pain medication works best in conjunction with other strategies. Those other strategies though can literally be something like "tramadol takes away the pain enough I can focus on something, and what I want to do with that focus is to watch a movie I've been meaning to rewatch for a while now but haven't had the spoons for." Sometimes all you will want to do when you get pain meds is sleep because you can't when you're hurting. Sleep is wonderful; how can you arrange your sleeping place and habits to make sleeping even more of a delight?

And if you find a medication that works, use it consistently. It is always easy to keep pain level than it is to address a pain spike. Don't wait until symptoms are at their worst to address them. Figure out what it feels like when your symptoms are ramping up, and intervene early.

Sometimes medications that aren't explicitly for pain can still help. If anxiety makes pain worse, consider an anxiety medication. If coughing hurts, can you get a numbing spray from your throat to make it less sensitive so you cough less?

I don't know how useful this is to you and your family. Hopefully it's at least something to think about. Think about palliative care (which is about the management of symptoms of illnesses rather than the treatment of illnesses) as not just taking away bad sensations but restoring good ones. You can't always get someone to a place with no pain. But what can you do to enhance life in the presence of that pain? There is a psychological aspect to pain, it's a parasite that drains you and makes you feel like you are nothing but a body that hurts and won't stop hurting. I want to make clear, I'm not saying pain is only in your mind. Bone mets and nerve pain exist whether you're cheerful about it or not. But pain doesn't have to mean suffering, it doesn't have to take away the things that make you you. Address pain through medication and therapies, but also remember that protecting, promoting, and prioritizing the parts of yourself that you most value and give you the most joy will help give your life so much substance that pain can't rob it all. You aren't doing one big thing. You are doing a thousand small things that make life easier, better, more suited to yourself and your abilities, and more aligned with the parts of life that you that give your life meaning.

(And a note in particular for being the family member of someone in pain--ultimately, they are going through this alone. It is their body. What can you make smoother for them? How can you protect their dignity and their privacy without making them feel abandoned or alone? How can you make it so your reaction to their pain is not part of their burden? Like for the six hundred other hypothetical questions in this endless post, the answers will be highly personal and will take time to figure out. Be patient and calm.)

[funnylovepuppis]

I should probably shut up about it because there is so many other people talking about it. But I can't stay silent about it. I can't stress enough how upset and uncomfortable I am with being here in buddie fandom right now.

As a bisexual myself, I agree with the importance of its representation in mainstream media. Especially when it comes to male characters, who are really low in static speaking. We can all agree on this, and hopefully, we can all see it. I'm really thrilled about Bi Buck's journey and about finding his happiness. He's not fixed, he just found out about his other sides he never knew they were existed before. As @m3r1m4r5u333 said in their post, bisexuality is not a personality, just a small piece in whatever color that is a part of many more pieces of soul. Buck, like many real-life people, is trying to figure out himself. I honestly don't think that self-journey will ever stop, not just on sexuality but on many other things. That's how living is, right? So yes, it's very exciting and kind of carefree for him, and I'm truly happy. He deserves it big time after all that he has been through. And I really think that Tommy is genuinely the right person for him at the moment.

But aside from me being bi, I'm also demisexual. Honestly it's more than that for me, because besides the need for emotional connection before sexual intimacy, I need some degrees of emotional connection before even getting into dating. So as you can see, I'm very much attached to Buck and Eddie relationship. I'm mostly finding myself a lot in Eddie's character. I do feel a lot of pressure on starting to date someone nowadays. And I'd probably be single for a long time because that's kinda how how people go to date. You meet someone you like and interested to explore the romantic dynamic and that someone is a completely stranger to you so it's kind of scary and stressful.. I'd rather be someone's friend and then lover..

Yes, best friends have a different kind of love than just two friends. That doesn't necessarily mean that it must have a romance subtext or under the surface, especially when it comes to two people of the same gender. And sure, all the things related to buddie are open to interpretations and any ways that people who see it differently are pretty legit.

We can argue about why things are the way they are. I can acknowledge that Eddie is not in the same emotional place as Buck, and it can be taking a long process for him, if at all, to realize his own feelings about himself and Buck. But at the same time, I can say that although it seems like Buck and Eddie communicate in a very healthy way, there's a sense of underground miscommunication that leaves both of them scared to make a move or talk about their deep feelings and observations on their own relationship. Because what they have is great, so why ruin it for a good change, right? And there is lots of evidence that saying buddie are partially soulmates. Having back from each other. Their reactions are when the other one is in a dangerous situation, such as the firetruck, the wall, the shooting, and the lighting strike. The will. The family moments of Buckley-Diaz. Going to each other's home as a safe place. The teasing from surrounding people about them. The jealousy. Their parallels to other couples on the show/

I guess I'm trying to say to the people who are feeling like some people are not very happy about Bucktommy because they are not appreciative of the new queer couple or the very fact that it's B-Buck canon. I understand the need for bi-representations and am happy to see that. It seems very worth the long wait for this. And yet, I want to say, give buddie stans time, including me. Because our feelings are legitimate and matter, too. It may come as rude or not excited about Bucktommy, but I think this is coming from being afraid and uncomfortable with how quickly many people from the fandom are shifting from Buddie to Bucktommy, even if they still believe in Buddie Endgame. Give us time to fall in love with this couple and connect with them. Give us time to warm up for them. Give us time because we have been attached to Buddie for 5 long years. We have been memorizing all of the episodes, plots, and quotes. Writing for 5 years, Buddie fics. Making beautiful gifsets and fan art.

Thank you for reading this if you have reached this far. 🩷

[jmdbjk]

BTS: Beyond the Story

These are just my personal thoughts and opinions after finishing the book. I don't quote the book in this blog post. I don't talk about specific topics so I don't really give any spoilers. But I do talk about my thoughts on what I've read. If you don’t want to know ANYTHING about the book, keep scrolling.

My overall impression: Wow. Amazing.

I have learned so much. If you've been with me a while on this blog, you may already know that my BTS journey began right before the release of Map of the Soul:7.

My journey could be described as: if you will, visualize opening a Google map and dragging that little Street View dude/dudette to the middle of a huge city and dropping him/her/them there and then just moving along in street view as you explore. I was that little guy going this way and that trying to consume BTS content and trying to make sense of it all but I was zig zagging backwards and forwards in time with no view from above to see where I was going or where I had been. I'd watch something that would lead me this way and then the next thing I watched would propel me back in time and then I'd have to stop and watch the current Run BTS (show) as it dropped and I was ALL. OVER. THE. PLACE. consuming content back and forth chronologically and it was difficult to put it all in order because there is so much content available on so many different platforms.

But this book lays it out all nice in a straight line with the visual, musical and information references to go with everything. I LOVE IT! I feel like I graduated from Bangtan Academy with an undergrad degree in BTSology.

And now in their own words I have a much better understanding of their process as they worked on specific albums and songs, what their motivations, fears, happiness and goals were. And what the songs, albums and concepts were about, what the lyrics meant to them.

My personal takeaways:

• The members struggled with imposter syndrome as they experienced success and the more popular they became. A lot of times they were unsure if they deserved the success they were achieving. Each success made them work hard for the next goal but the sudden overwhelming global recognition was hard to handle.

• They consider this their job. They understand its a business that exists to make money. And most of the time, they love this job. And they work very hard at it.

• At the same time, they also define themselves strongly as members of BTS. They are a team who know each others strengths and weaknesses.

• Their bond with each other is rare in the entertainment world.

• They each describe themselves very clearly.

• I am seeing JM and JK in a new light here. Jimin and Jungkook's words and thoughts impressed me. Their poise and awareness and eloquence even when they were explaining how they were struggling and wondering if what they were doing was right and going to work. Their determination can be felt in their words as they explain how they wondered if they would make it, and once they did, how would they survive the pressure. Jimin was always tuned in emotionally to what was going on.

• Jungkook is wise beyond his years. His baby image is not real. Many are not giving him the credit he deserves when it comes to knowing what he’s doing. He grew up fast in a world we know nothing about because we don't live in it.

• The fact that Jimin and Jungkook's trip to Tokyo has its own section under the title "Real" Love is mind blowing.

• The relationship of the group and the company working together to make it all happen was one of the reasons they made it. Their mentor Bang Si-Hyuk, nurtured their art and pushed them until they soared. And every one of them speaks highly of Bang PD.

• The haters, the amount of hate and the types of hate aimed at them was unbelievable. I always thought there was a little exaggeration in regards to that but no. Some form of hate/backlash/bullying/efforts to discredit them, was there from the beginning, from all sides. It is a fucking miracle they are still with us. I am in awe of their ability to walk through that fire.

• I feel like my habit of looking at the "big picture" gained a wider scope into their world.

I will re-read and refer to some of my favorite content not included in the QR codes in the book so I can see if what I know now changes how I feel. Hopefully I will come away with a post-grad degree in BTSology after that.

The vernacular in translating Korean to English is not a smooth word for word translation so I think some of the passion and emotion in what the members were trying to convey does not easily come across with as much emphasis as it probably was said during their interviews but it does not diminish the meaning of what they said. When I re-read I am going to really concentrate on hearing their own voices as I read the member's words again.

The only real issue I had and it is very minor: the method of using italicized all-caps for the lengthy album titles became burdensome to read. THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOMENT IN LIFE: PT. 1; THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOMENT IN LIFE: PT. 2 and THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MOMENT IN LIFE: YOUNG FOREVER were a lot for my eyeballs and brain to handle when they were repeated again and again in paragraph after paragraph.

[elysiansparadise]

Hi! I also have a question, not astrology related.

How did you become such a good writer?

I'm looking for inspiration to put my thoughts into words. I'm socially awkward and introverted, so I'm not the best always at expressing myself.

Thanks.

I'd love to start by saying that I'm deeply touched that you consider me so good at writing, it is one of the compliments I am most happy to hear/read, so thank you very much. I prefer to share with you how I improved and felt confident about my writing.

🤎I wrote daily. I used to daydream about writing and not doing it actively, one day I got tired and preferred to get in front of the computer and write a bit. I made writing a habit, not just any habit, but my favorite. If I didn't feel well I would write about my own feelings, in addition to practicing writing I would vent.

🤎I worried about my surroundings. I made sure to turn off the television, put on my favorite music, wear comfortable clothes, have a comfort drink with me before getting back to writing.

🤎I made my passions the main theme of my writing. Astrology? I made notes in my notebook until I filled dozens of them. New crush? Hundreds of poems describing in a thousand different ways my feelings when looking at that person. Find out what topics you are passionate about so you can write about them.

🤎I practiced different styles. From the most technical, clean and to the point writing, to the most poetic and metaphorical that you can imagine. The trick is not to be afraid to experiment, let yourself be carried away by what you write.

🤎Reading is as important as writing. Reading can help you find out which styles you like and which you don't. I found that while I love romantic and poetic language, but when it's "too much" to such a degree that the main point vanishes, I lose interest. It also expands your vocabulary and helps you find new interests.

🤎I got rid of the idea of ​​writing for others before writing for me. Public opinion is a weight that you carry on your back that can harm your posture regarding writing all your life. Although listening to opinions is crucial to improve, you have to discern which to listen to and which to ignore. Care more about writing for you and topics you like before caring which topics other may rather.

🤎Music was my greatest company. And it still is. Random Playlist and my mind is in charge of creating interesting scenarios. Music helped me explore emotions that were foreign to me at that time.

🤎I hung out with people who were PASSIONATE about writing or watched videos of writers talking about their next novel. Passion is contagious, you know? There is nothing more empowering for our inner writer than seeing the sparkle in the eyes, the huge smile or the fire with which other people express themselves when they talk about writing. It just motivated me not to stop writing.

These are just a couple of things, I think it depends a lot on the person. I sincerely hope you find a method that allows you to put what you think into words, I'm sure that what you have to tell is interesting and valuable. All the best to you, love. 🤎

[lacunafiction]

I'd like to watch firsthand all the B-mancers viscerally SUFFER when their baby ducky turns out to no longer love them, all strings cut off. I'm only saying this because I am in love with that bee too, and I need that pain to be mutual for everyone, lol.

>.>

Anon, maybe there can be a Bee support group during Book Two since you all will be getting some varying degrees of angst, but...

Do you truly think B could no longer love you and completely close off? 🥺🐝

Instead, what if B loves you so much, that they try to tamp down their misgivings about the situation? They might feel guilty about even having a single negative thought about you or this imprisonment homecoming to Fernweh. It could be far easier for them to direct some 'hate' towards themself than to stop loving/caring about the MC. I can't really tease too much since it's best if you experience it in-game; there are many conflicting feelings.

I can say that I've already written sections that are a departure from the first book to begin introducing this dynamic for B-mancers. It isn't all angst; this is important for B's character arc/backstory, etc, so I'm sincerely excited for all Returning Visitors to explore this. 💚

(But especially those who are besties with B or romancing them.)

Thank you for your ask!

[emistations]

If we do them by tiers...

S - Eitaro Toyoda, Shiro Maekawa, and Kiyoko Yoshimura (writer of X & Unleashed): Wrote my favorite era of the franchise! Best stories & characterizations imo.

A - Tyson Hesse: just based off his Tailstube writing sometimes, he understands the characters & i'd love to see his take on everything!

As well as Daniel Barnes, writer of Scrapnik Land (really good story), and Iasmin Omar Ata (writer of Winter Jam)

B - Ian Flynn: He's decent Imo, I loved his archie run and he's the reason I GOT to like archie, but his idw/game run is just ok. He has ideas, but the execution is hit or miss.

C - Evan Stanley: Same as Ian but to a lesser degree, but also the fact that in her writing runs, characters seem to have flaws that contradict their actual personalities (ex: Sonic straining an ankle when he's known to fall from space multiple times unharmed). Sometimes it feels like her & Ian's writing is a little limited creatively as told in this post I liked.

D - Pontac & Graff - Who would've thought? I actually don't hate them as much as I thought! I'll admit, when writing light-hearted stories they excel, but when it comes to serious situation that lightheartedness BLEEDS into the serious stuff and it all falls flat. Their jokes are 90% miss and 10% hit. I admit to having laughed at some point. But, they caused a lot of character misconceptions & plotholes that the creative team has to fix now (when really they could've just made a soft reboot.)

And finally... Ken penders. Should be obvious why.

2. Yes! It would be, and that could make for an interesting plot! I'm not against the idea of Sonic representing freedom, but he also represents being selfishly free. He would always be there to stop Surge & she'd think he's a hypocrite for it, it'd make it hard for her to see things from Sonic's perspective, and Sonic wouldn't be able to just get through to her with just fists. It could make for an interesting plot to explore Surge's background BEYOND her & Kit's past with Starline. It could be the turning wheel to help Sonic adjust his approach, too.

@fazar234 I dunno why Tumblr doesn't let me normally answer your questions

[dailybrandonrogers]

hiya so i used to be a huge brandon rogers fan but fell out for a few years and. oh boy did I miss a fuck ton of lore in those few years. i stopped watching basically when stuff and sam just started, so ive missed... a lot. while ive been trying to catch up (i cried my eyes out over bryces series), you seem to have the timeline worked out pretty well. what order would you say the brcu should be watched in? and is it important to keep up with "minor" roles/series like theater class or the grandpa hates ___/elmer hates ___/other solo skits, or is it better to stick to the "main" series (stuff and sam, blame the hero, etc)

also, I wanna say your analysis of the brcu is awesome. it's a confusing set of timelines that you've ironed out and theorized about pretty damn well. im curious if brandon rogers has done all this on purpose or if he's just making the timeline up as he goes

Hi! My sorries if this reply is a tad bit late, I always have trouble saving answers to my drafts.

In my personal definition, I'd say the BRCU encompasses (almost) every single video Brandon Rogers has ever made. Within the BRCU, I definitely think there's a "core" overarching storyline that revolves around certain characters. This core storyline is primarily explored via the several series, but nonetheless includes elements from other creations of his.

These "core" characters are primarily:

Sam & Donna

Elmer

Blame

Bryce Tankthrust

Bobby Worst

The Mingeworthies

The majority of them have been protagonists of a series at one point or another. However, almost every character played by Brandon himself can be considered important to the overarching plot. Therefore, I think watching individual character skits released 2015 - 2018 offer valuable insight into the personalities and smaller nuances of reoccurring characters. At the very least, I would recommend watching the videos centred on the aforementioned characters released in this time period prior to any of the series.

In general, I think the BRCU is best watched in the order the videos came out in. Although tricky at first, I think Brandon makes it easy to discern "where" we are at any given moment. And as a rule of thumb, outside of series, every video takes place chronologically in-universe after the other.

Moreover, as of 2022/2023, I believe we're going through a renaissance of sorts with an abundance of new characters being regularly created. Pretty much anything after Normal British Series. While very entertaining, I wouldn't say these are essential to understanding the main plot, as Brandon does have a degree of separation between old & new characters.

To hopefully simplify things, here's a playlist I made that imo includes more than enough context needed to understand that main storyline. If it appears a bit overwhelming at first, I'd rerecommend just sticking to skits of the characters I mentioned above before moving onto the series. Anything else can be a fun bonus!

Thank you so much for your kind words!! It makes me happy to know that you're enjoying my attempts at unravelled the complexities of these timelines.

[peniscat]

hiiiiiii. you have probably answered this many times but i can’t find it so if you don’t mind repeating yourself: why do you think romangerri stopped being a thing? when? was it is gerri deciding to not be into mess anymore as a ceo and roman not taking a no for an answer? why did she get so upset with him firing her in s4 when just talking about firing was a constant thing? was it that finally gerri felt the power roman had over her and finally realised she can’t play around with that? the photo to logan obviously fucked her and it’s roman’s fault. hm. i think im explaining it to myself out loud. but s3 is more interesting i thought itd be explored more. was it just about avoiding mess then?

if i have answered this it has definitely been a while so i don't mind doing it again! honestly i don't think romangerri ever stopped being a thing. even on s4 when they're cross with each other it is absolutely undeniable that they're still very much affected by each other! but if we're talking about gerri trying her most to erase the mess from their relationship, i think the danger of it caught up to her. roman's refusal to focus on the business aspect of their relationship and his inability to consider consequences combined with gerri's role as the interim ceo and the fact that if anything came out, it would be gerri who suffered – of course she tried to get the situation back under control by not engaging in the sexual aspect of their relationship.

i also think gerri never envisioned anything else for them than the business relationship. j just talked about this in an interview, but apparently gerri thought for a long time that roman was just fucking with her with the suggestions and all that. she didn't take him very seriously and i think the situation kind of crept on her, too. and ultimately she never would have considered anything serious with him, either, not in the timeline of s2/s3. what she wanted with him was the dynamic duo, her being the brains and him being the beauty, but i think roman sort of lost the focus on that especially in late s3.

of course she got upset when he fired her twice on s4? yeah, no one was really safe in waystar during logan's reign, but it's a fact that logan absolutely wouldn't have soured on gerri to that degree without the dick pic fiasco. and the second time – roman making a rash choice to fire her because of his inability to deal with logan's death and the fact she refused to lie to his face, insulting her in the worst possible way in the process? i'd be upset too. both of those times were proof of how associating with roman quite literally hurt her career.

but to return to your original question, i just really feel like the two major reasons were gerri realizing the possible consequences and the differences in what they wanted, which ultimately drove them apart. but what's fascinating is that at the point when it all falls apart, they are unable to just forget about each other. even when roman fires gerri in the beginning of connor's wedding, gerri sees right through him and it's clear that having to do it makes roman's tummy hurt exceptionally bad. and when everything goes to even more shit, gerri is visibly worried about roman (the funeral) and he literally breaks down when he sees her (board meeting). they're far from being over, baby <3

and of course we'll never know what the post-series romangerri dynamic looks like, but at least i can always comfort myself with the words of the world's leading gerri kellman expert, miss jsc herself: i don't know at what point she'd thought about it as a romantic thing. except if somebody young and wealthy and charismatic had a silly crush that they kept insisting on when they were around you, you'd have to be made of stone to not eventually respond to that. i could see them getting tipsy and making out in a bar once he's not her boss.

[royaletiquette]

Name: Rose

Pronouns: she/her

Preferred comms: Whatever, I've never had issues with IM's personally, so I like them. But I know no one else does lol. Discord is cool, especially when we start sending memes and shit to one another.

Name of muse(s): Hibiya and Hibiko. I've had one other muse that didn't last long, I just wanted an excuse to talk about my views and opinions on music lmao. An outlet to express that to a degree, but I just didn't have anything else I wanted to say, no overarching theme or anything.

Experience in RP: Started out the classic way of rp'ing via texts with a friend, where it was like [ "Stop doing that" *laughs* ] as Izaya from Durarara. Not terribly long after I moved to tumblr cause I was already always on it on my personal account and heavy in the durarara community in 2012, 2013, cause I wanted to write as Hibiya. And that was a blast because it started showing on Adult Swim so the anime got more popular and there were just a lot of people and alters to write with.

Stopped and started a few times, but I always wrote Hibiya publically and no one else. I think I barely wrote in 2016 cause the rp side of the fandom was DEAD and I didn't really venture out to find new partners. I had also moved countries so like, wasn't thinking about writing often. Completely stopped thinking about it in 2017 and was writing songs instead. Until after I graduated college and was working fulltime, and after all the lockdowns stopped (Toronto had multiple), I needed a new creative outlet I could work on while not home and kept thinking about Hibiya and Delic and having ideas I wanted to explore. And was very lucky to find my email and password! So now I'm like, I can't imagine leaving tumblr to write somewhere else. Privately I dunno, it's so boring.

Best experiences: It's so nice to have partners that equally gush over one another's muses and relationships, sharing ideas and potential threads and even just being like "lmao if this happened, it'd be over" / "I can't stop thinking about x."

Plus I mean to be honest, it's so, so exciting and nice to hear people excited to write with me and ask about my muses, having genuine curiosity. Asking questions I've never thought of and pushing them to be more developed and fleshed out. I love posting a reply or answering a meme and immediately getting pinged on discord of someone panicking and talking to me about it.

Pet peeves / dealbreakers: Too much ooc is the main reason I end up unfollowing people. Which like, listen, it's not like I outright say, I don't care about you. But if it's too much, even though I like you and your muses and want to write, I'm gonna mute your tag. I'd much rather someone repeatedly be like "I'll be on twitter if you care" or whatever passive-aggressive thing, than have a bunch of posts on my roleplay account that are nothing. Let me ignore it if I want to.

I've complained to the point of adding it to my rules, but I hate mains. And I honestly more and more feel like I'm making the right call in that it's very mean and you shouldn't do it. I understand feeling more drawn to some muns/muses than others, but when a mun is repeatedly answering someone's stuff immediately when you've been waiting for a reply for a month. Yeah, it's a little dog shit. There needs to be an effort to balance it out between partners.

A COUPLE ACTUAL PETTY PET PEEVES. That like, I've rewritten this a bunch of times cause I don't want to be dumb and rude even though it makes me want to be very that. I hate when muns make their muses short and are just weird about it. Like, it's obviously written from the perspective of a person that is average height, who sometimes feels short, so assumes someone shorter than them always feels short. And it's like no one thinks about their height that much, stop it. But this is absolutely me, a person who is the height of all those short muses, being like bruh stop being weird. I also hate when there is an unrealistic weight put to muses. Because it's something most people ignore, so just skip it if you're gonna be dumb about it. If you feel the need to be like, my 5'6" muse 90 pounds, think about how dysfunctional that makes a person. It's beyond the realm of "my muse is skinny." But!! Again! I know this is just me being like "your fictional character is unrealistic." People like to make their muses taller than Shaq and as buff of as wrestler, but also be like "it's natural, they would never track their calories/protein intake."

Muse preference ( fluff, angst, smut ): Of course it depends. Hibiya is fun because he's awful at being fluffy, so it's great putting him in those positions where I am also so horribly uncomfortable for him. He's always angsty. It gets a little tiring. Smut is all me though, I just get lost in thinking of the details and then I forget to write any of it and it takes forever. Practice though and I know it'll be more fun. There are at least muses now that Hibi wants to be gross with finally.

Hibiko however, is like, always bordering on fluffy, to the point that she really fights angst. Which in itself is fun because that's where most of her development comes from. Surprisingly, smut will be/is really fun for Hibiko because her walls are down, which isn't the case any other time. She also doesn't have as many preconceptions as Hibiya when it comes to sex, so it's more freeing and open for me to write.

Plot or memes: Memes are more freeing. They can be long winded ideas or just a paragraph, so that's fun. But when it comes to the long run, I need to talk about plots to some extent so we're not running aimlessly.

Long or short replies: Long. Mid, really, but I'd rather it be longer than shorter. I've learned I have a hard time tapping into what my muse is going through if I'm not seeing that in return. But short ones are a very welcomed break when they come along. It's nice to easily poop out a reply without being like oh fuck okay what happens first.

Best time to write: When I'm alone in the morning before anyone wakes up (which isn't the morning but pretend it is). I like sitting in silence and enjoying the nothing going on so I can focus. I like to watch movies by myself, and it'll take twice as long because I'll pause it to write while inspired, and watch another five minutes before pausing to write again. The way god intended, really.

Are you like your muse(s): Kinda. I relate to Hibiya more. I'm more aloof than I think I am and can be a little insensitive towards other people's feelings and my words. Emotions are not my strong suit lmao.

tagged by @sansloii

[pixelgrotto]

Sweet Nightingale

One of the neat side effects about my job writing guides for Rock Paper Shotgun is getting exposed to stuff that I don't typically touch. For example, the survival/crafting genre, which blew up in the 2010s when I was living in Asia and too busy trying to survive in real life. I was aware of games like The Long Dark, of course, and I thought Valheim looked okay when it came out. But as someone who's never been thrilled with the idea of chopping down digital trees for wood (except for maintaining my farm in Harvest Moon 64), survival games have mostly fallen off my radar.

Obviously, that's no longer the case thanks to work. Survival games are perhaps one of the few video game genres out there that remain opaque as hell, therefore making them perfect fodder for guide writing. And this year has already seen several big survival games released, with Palworld taking up far more of my mental space than I ever would've imagined for much of January and February. (My lukewarm take is that Palworld is okay. Not really my thing, but I get why people like it as both a meme game and a "I can't believe Nintendo isn't suing, because that Electrabuzz ripoff is equipped with a GUN, somebody stop him!")

But this post is not about Palworld. It is, rather, about Nightingale, an enchanting survival title made by Inflexion Games that unfortunately launched into Early Access only a few weeks after Palworld probably stole some of its potential player base. I had the chance to consume a fair bit of Nightingale prior to its release, and I also wrote a few guides on it for work. I'm not sure if it's actually going to take off - its current player numbers aren't as high as expected, and the game bristles with a special degree of enrapturing jank that's definitely not going to appeal to everyone. Case in point: half of my colleagues hated the pre-Early Access UI, which made several unusual decisions, including flipping the usual hotbar configuration present in these sorts of games. This has since been rectified, and now the UI is more streamlined and accessible, though also a bit more boring, in my eyes.

I think Nightingale sticks with me precisely because it boasts an aesthetic and setting that are very much not boring. We're talking about a gaslight fantasy atmosphere that feels a tad Neil Gaiman, if he were channeling the same stuff that inspired Alan Moore to write The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Apparently, Nightingale's concept was based on the novel Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, which I have not read but now want to, and the game starts by placing you as an inhabitant of a late 1800s reality inextricably linked with Fae beings. A big calamity happens, and folks exploring the Faewilds are tossed into disparate realms and separated from their magical hub city, dubbed Nightingale. You have to help your character survive in these bizarre biomes, which are filled with Wonderland-style beasts and floating sculptures in the sky. Hopefully by constructing your own estate in these magical outposts and allying with other Realmswalkers, all of you will one day reach the city of Nightingale once more.

I am an absolute pervert for this sort of alternate history Victorian stuff, and if I'm going to be very frank, my initial reaction when playing Nightingale was wondering if its enchanting setting was "wasted" on a survival/crafting game. It's the sort of thing I'd expect to see in a tabletop RPG (which I would gladly play), not a game where you need to construct a sewing table and then kill 5 hippos so you can skin their hides and put those hides on the aforementioned sewing table and wait a minute so you can craft a little cape for yourself.

I'm not the only one to have this thought, and there's a whole calvacade of commentators who posted similar things on every Rock Paper Shotgun article devoted to the game. In a nutshell, it seems to come down to the fact that many outspoken individuals don't like the survival gameplay loop of running around chopping down trees so you can craft a better axe to chop down more trees, but thus far they've safely been able to ignore most crafting games because they typically take place in forests or post-apocalyptic environments that are usually pretty samey. Nightingale is not samey, which makes people want to play it and then lament that it's not in their ideal genre of choice.

Once again, I really need to expoud upon how much charm this game has. Your guide through the tutorial is a smooth talking fey with a poncy vocabulary named Puck. Umbrellas serve as in-game gliders to make you descend from great heights like Mary Poppins. And even though the basic survival loop is there - yes, you've still got to farm those damn hippos - there is a nifty tarot card system in place that procedurally generates the worlds your intrepid Realmswalker is forced to confront. It's a mishmash of ideas that really feels like it's ripped from the pages of some Game Master's steampunk world (there I go again, going off on how much I'd like to play a Nightingale TTRPG), and even though it's largely busywork, eventually you can get a rifle that shoots ice ammo and a legendary set of "armor" that's really just a Victorian tweed suit. By damnation, it's appealing.

It's this sense of originality that makes me want to play Nightingale more, and injects within me the strength to overlook the jankiness in the combat and UI that make me ocasionally feel like I'm playing a game from the late 2000s. (The first Witcher, are ya there? I'm reminded of you.) And I daresay it's unfair to say that Nightingale's eclectic setting is "wasted" on a survival/crafting experience, which is a harsh statement that probably does a disservice to both Inflexion Games and to the entire genre. While these sorts of games might not be my automatic cuppa, Nightingale actually makes me want to play more of them, and I plan on purchasing V Rising next month, which I missed out on back when it came out.

All this is a roundabout way of saying that there's power in a good setting and a striking coat of paint. Sometimes that's all we need to overlook gameplay loops that do not initially appeal to us, and I'm sure there's a whole audience out there that cared little for crafting in the wilderness but loved monster collecting. Palworld was the honeypot that probably encouraged them to look deeper into what survival games had to offer. For me, Nightingale performs a similar function.

There's also the fact that I appreciate it when games take risks and dare to step outside of the cornerstones of what's considered safe and sellable in their respective genres. Nightingale probably wouldn't have stood out nearly as much as a CRPG, for instance. There are already gaslight fantasy RPGs out there, and you can still buy Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura on Steam. But there's nothing quite like this in the survival space, and thus we have something brave and bold, unique and odd - a potent combination that compels me to stay a while in its mysterious Fae red room. I certainly hope that Nightingale survives its turbulent Early Access period, because while chopping down trees and building houses might not be what I'm immediately looking for when I sit down to play a game, stick a tophat on me and say I'm doing it in the realm of A Midsummer Night's Dream and my mind has the potential to change. It's all about the flavor, in other words, and Nightingale has that in spades.

[deadboyfriendd]

BEGGING you for writing advice please!!! I wish I had chosen differently during my time in university. I didn't realise how much I liked writing until halfway through my degree so I ended up studying a field I'm not passionate about. And I wish we had things like course electives too. It's not really a thing in my country I'm sad to say. The things you've studied sound so interesting. I'm not in a position to enroll in any writing courses at the moment so I've been trying to read more and figure things out on my own and writing fanfic has been part of that journey. I'd love to know more about what you've found to be helpful as you improved your own writing!

Hi!

I think circling back to at least the growth I've seen this year with myself, it to write things that get you excited to get into the mood to write! Write things that you like, even if they're weird and niche and you think they're stupid or don't make any sense! That's how a lot of writers end up producing some of their greatest works!

A lot of my most popular fics (which also happen to be the ones I'm most proud of- just now the numbers worked out ig) are AUs of movies that I liked. I took my favorite scene and rewrote them how I think my characters or myself would have reacted and I imagined myself standing there with a giant microscope and recount what I saw! Stone Gothic was inspired by Red Riding Hood, Stains in the Granite was based off of 50 First Dates, and, as you know, the Cochise Universe is based off of Tombstone with some Yellowstone 1923 and Blood Meridian involved! I have The Science Fiction Double Feature, which is a collection of little blurbs based off of my favorite songs from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I also have an AU of Cassandra Khaw's The Salt Grows Heavy, which I DON'T expect to do well but boy have I been having fun with it, and an all-new, un-announced Nacho Libre AU that I'm going to write!

I mean seriously, don't take anything too seriously, the world is your oyster!

Once I stopped writing for reads and interaction, I realized that I didn't have to dumb down my language or make a story concise for the purpose of readability. I write because I like writing and I like the story and I like daydreaming of these scenarios. I like putting myself there and manufacturing the things that I see.

I think I have also gotten to a point in my writing where it is now so much more than the characters I'm writing for. At this point, I have devolved so much past the version of Eddie and Steve from stranger things that I have a manufactured my own characters with the same names!

I guess what I'm trying to say here is: let yourself be inspired by the things you like, do the things that get you excited, let your daydreams run wild and write that down, and try to be like the people you admire! I hope this helps, anon, good luck and have fun! I hope you get to explore the things you love!

[allunatory]

@bipbopdepmop Hiya! Hope this doesn't scare you but I'm answering this ask on my minecraft-related art blog LOL

Anyways I have been staring at these asks for the past few days I hope you know that you have a special place in my heart tysm

This is so long, so I'll put it under a readmore- I have a lot to say (And spoilers for anyone who hasn't read Dreams From Within The Cage yet!)

THANK YOU SO MUCH THOUGH!!! AAAA- I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!

AND YES YES!! I have so much I can say.... First of all I have to thank random ambient noise soundtracks for carrying me through the entire fic. Without them, I definitely wouldn't have been able to keep focus for long stretches of time without getting distracted by something.

Fun fact: Fic was not titled until it was time to publish LOL- I was so indecisive

I think my original ambition with the fic when I first started was just writing an Apocalypse AU... but at the same I also wanted to write world-hopping. I was inspired by a comic I had read back when I was in the UTMV (Undertale AU) fandom that explored AUs through way of dreams, and I've been wanting to try my own spin on that for a while so this was the perfect opportunity.

Now the plot wasn't actually supposed to go so crazy, that was mainly me getting extreme brainworms over the concept of an inter-dimensional organization stepping in. Originally, it was going to be mainly exploring the grief that comes with being unable to ever see the one person you feel you connect to most. Having to either accept that fact, or find a way to let go. (Definitely way more depressing, i think)

I was so stuck on the plot for a while, how to wrap it up with everything I'd planned. For a while, I was originally planning to have Grian be the one interrogated, in which he would then hide things from Scar to keep him safe, even going so far as to say they should never talk again. And then the real reason would be revealed when GIGA stepped in.

The way that was set up though, it basically meant all the cool stuff was happening where the readers couldn't see it. So after a long conversation with my good friend @/boxofwasps, I had a stunning revelation on how to swap it around- which is where the fic stands today. I think I remember literally stopping in my tracks and going "Wait. I know how to fix this. I know what I need to do." and Sprinting for my doc to write it down. Imagine me with a cork board and a bunch of red string- that was me putting this fic together

Another fun thing was that, I had so much fun writing the apocalypse world in chapter 1 that I partially wanted to just keep writing that instead of moving on with the plot LOL. I think if I had more time I definitely would have fleshed out some of the AUs they were in, as well as Scar's travels in the waking world and his own lingering trauma

Another fun fact? Me and @/cuteiemonster actually have a whole alternate timeline tree exploring the various ways the plot could have differed if things were just ever so slightly different. There's three main ones, though. Dreams (canon timeline), Nightmares (scar's awful no-good very bad day), and Delusions (grian's awful no-good very bad day) with varying degrees of angst. Please talk to me about them, because I'll likely never write anything about them but I have so many notes.

OKAY AND NOW TO ANSWER THE SECOND PART OF YOUR QUESTION!!!

I'm guessing you're asking about the cage from the hanging cages chapter? I love that scene so much btw there's so much symbolism there.

Every one of the main characters in the fic is stuck in their own cage, in a different way. I think in that chapter in particular, the cages themselves represented the fact that Scar and Grian were both trapped in separate universes. Leaving the cage wasn't an option, there. All they could do was reach across the gap and try to make do that way. Scar fiddling with the bolts of his cage is a show of his motivations and ambitions to escape the confines of his universe to get to Grian, far before he even says it aloud.

Grian stays in his cage because to him, there is no other way out. He's weighed the options, seen the dangers- and even the smallest movements out of line cause the cage to sway. It's just not worth it to try anything different, even if it means being trapped for an eternity...

I AM SO FLATTERED THAT YOU NOT ONLY READ IT BUT RE-READ IT??? HELLO?? I'm sobbing

I am so so so excited to write more for this series, I'm not going to lie. I've been writing notes and gathering ideas for what exactly I want to focus on for a potential sequel. Thanks to help from @/cuteiemonster I have a lot of headcanons for their roommate (yes, roommate) behavior. As well as what they're up to post-fic!

I will say, there is a chance there will be something I put out before the sequel fic- depending on where my motivations lie. I've been thinking about writing the story of Scar's family, and what happened to them. After all, Scar wasn't always alone out there, in the wastelands... Ooh, just thinking about it just makes me excited

The main reason I haven't immediately jumped to write more already is mainly due to school taking up a lot of my time atm! Not to mention I've been getting into a new minecraft server I've been playing in (if you see the art I've been posting to this account LOL), which is basically just every trope I'm obsessed with (Multiversal Purgatory...)

AND!!!! INSPIRATIONS AND STUFF! The anomaly was originally going to be a Creature of uknown origins, but I felt it would be more fun to make it someone with a name and face. Mumbo was a character I've been really interested in writing, so it was a bit of a no-brainer when it came to picking him. Though, it did change things slightly, because the anomaly was originally going to be an irredeemable villain character. But the more I wrote about Mumbo, the more I was like "dude this guy is too wet of a cat to be a villain on purpose" so instead we ended up with the Mumbo in the fic, who's just ever so slightly too casual about world corruption (against his will)

As for universes? I'm going to be honest, pretty much all of the universes in this fic were pretty much straight from my own noggin. I just wrote whatever felt right! There was that Pirate AU with renchanting and navy captain Grian, the Graveyard AU with a groundskeeper Scar and vampire Grian, the Superhero AU with Hotguy and the unnamed villain Grian (who's either named Xelqua or Poultry Man lets be real). A lot of the universes I wrote in-depth about were universes that I would love to write standalone fics of, so this fic itself was partially a collage of various ideas that I may or may not ever write about.

MAN I wrote way more than I was expecting. Tbh I could've written more but I don't want to keep you for TOO long LOL! If you want to talk more about it I'm so chill to chat on discord or through tumblr messaging (im crazy)

Ok one more thing

This snippet from chapter 1 is Lizzie from Empires season 2 okay goodbye

[ink-bunny-blue]

hi!!! i haven't checked in in a while, how's everything going??? how's your wip progress?? <33

Hello! Its really nice to hear from you!

The writing has been going... not too well at the moment. I'm actually taking a break right now, since my motivation levels are low, so I'm spending my energy on the things I actually need to do. Taking a step back from creative projects have been a massive weight of my shoulders, even if it has left me feeling like something's missing from myself. Writing has become such a huge part of my life, that I do feel a bit lost without it. But if I'm entirely honest, starting a blog during the final year of a degree was a silly idea. But that's on me.

However, my mind is always passively whirring away. Before I decided to take a break, I had just started a rewrite of my werewolf story, A Pocket Of Moons. I re-read what I already had and made a huge pile of notes for plot points and worldbuilding I could improve on, and I got very excited about them. But even I'm not actively working on it, I'm still going "ooh I could add X!" or "Okay but what if X happened." This WIP wont stop haunting me even though I'm not supposed to be thinking about it. My character Madeline (the sweet little painter who eventually becomes a sort of forest demigod) has been "living in my mind rent-free" as they say. For some reason, she was always a very difficult character, always very shy and didn't like showing herself to me, and even after I'd written the first draft it still felt like I didn't know her. But recently something about her character has clicked into place and I see her now as a whole person instead of an assortment of personality traits. So as soon as I'm back writing she's going to get a huge glow-up and I can't tell you how excited I am for it.

So the writing isn't going great, but I'm still reading as always. I'm reading Crime & Punishment at the moment and I'm nearly done with it (correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I've seen you post about C&P before??). I really adore the way Dostoevsky writes characters, and I always love books that explore the complexities of a character's mind in-depth. (Also Razumikhin is such a good friend. I love him.)

Thank you so much for checking in! Please, I really want to know how your projects are going!

[glitternightingale]

Your last ask got me thinking; Julieta heals with food, she sees love as food, what if there's certain illnesess that you can't cure with food (as in, the patient can't eat/consume anything due to the illness.) GERD is one, I've had it and you have to be very careful on what you eat/drink during an attack and it becames a chore. And a pain.

Thoughts on how Julieta will handle this? Sorry if this seems random >< 💕

Well, since we don't have an exact manual of how the Madrigals' powers work, we can only make assumptions. I immediately wanted to write a reply because I had an idea for a solution to your problem but I had to do a great deal of thinking and exploring first. (My exact answer is at the bottom if you want to skip the messy meta I made.)

"Julieta heals with food"

"She can heal you with a meal."

This seems obvious at first but we can get way into what even counts as "healing".

Here are some broad 'ailments' I can think of:

Tissue damage and broken bones

Julieta mends a cut on Mirabel's hand with an arepa. She gives a buñuelo to a man with a black eye. She stuffs another one into a guy's mouth and heals his broken arm ("I can't heal what's broken.").

But there's also a dude waiting in line who looks like a grim survivor of a cactus pit. We can assume that he got some moderate tissue damage from it. The pricks have to be manually removed if the skin is to be healed, otherwise, the wounds would close up around them and he'd risk infection.

Infections

Now, I'm no doctor, but we can speculate that Julieta's magic can also heal viral infections, if indirect. Going by the first point, damaged cells can be repaired and, as such, boost one's immune system because the body can redirect its energy towards it.

Headaches

Headaches are often only symptoms of an underlying cause and that's why I think it's not guaranteed that Julieta's abilities can get rid of them. For example, I live by the headcanon that Julieta's magic doesn't work against Bruno's vision-induced suffering because it isn't something that's explicitly "breaking" him (or is it?).

Now we get into what even counts as "food".

Here's a definition: "Any nutritious substance that people or animals eat or drink or that plants absorb in order to maintain life and growth."

This also includes soups, of course. But what about tea? How watered-down does food have to be to stop being food? Or does water in itself also count somehow, depending on its nutritional value?

We can see that Julieta knows how to handle different types of herbs and oils. It doesn't seem far off that she mixes her own tinctures, considering that she immediately makes a grab for them when she thought Mirabel got hurt during the collapse of their home (featured in the very dark picture on the left).

What also stands out to me is the mortar on her apron. To me, it implies that Julieta has to process the food first before it gains magical abilities.

But to what degree does it have to be processed? Would a raw potato suddenly mend broken fingers as long as it was cut by Julieta?

I have a theory:

Her love and the effort she puts into making food depend on each other.

The greater her love for the person the less processed the food has to be to heal them.

Maybe that's why she cooks so many different meals for the villagers who are basically strangers to her. (Besides the fact that she wants to indulge everyone with the variety of foods she has to offer.)

Making food is also a more common chore to hone her expertise, and that's why she relies more on that than on elevating her tea-making skills, for example. It also seems like the effectiveness of the food is raised if she feeds it directly to the "injured" person.

But no matter if the "processed food" thing is true or not, one fact remains:

The food has to be ingested to work.

And I finally get to your ask!

The human body can absorb nutrients through its skin so I'd say that for GERD specifically, Julieta would put some homemade oils on your arms and legs to bypass your digestive system. If the case isn't as severe, however, I can imagine that she would rely on herbal teas like chamomile tea (she even stores chamomile plants in her apron pockets!)