#strugglebug
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Mewtwo raid in a nutshell :v
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*â§Support me!â§* Â
*â§Tip me for a job well done! â§*
After the Storm -- (please donât tag/comment with your inquisitor, thanks)
#dragon age#dragon age: inquisition#cullavellan#shep'lan lavellan#cullen rutherford#fanart#doodles#I rather like what made it to canvas with the âread-flowâ I fought tooth n nail to arrange#no joke -- the most strugglebugging ive had to do for composition XP#but other than this felt soooo good drawing-- like the old shippy sketchpage energy ive been longing to get back/swoons#the secret is not putting so much pressure on myself to Get-It in one night = w =#my da
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we are 5 days into laternoknights and heres how its going. im not rushing to level virtuosa or exia, im letting myself level the 3s to max and amiya for now until im able to actually clear harder content to even get the mats for 6s. i strugglebugged my way to getting enforcer, i borrowed ops and when i got him i used the insta e2 thingy on him bc hes probably the only 5s im getting for a while. bc you're telling me they give you THREE 5s selectors and NONE have a laterano operator?? like granted we only have 4, 2 are welfare and these selectors are clearly older ops (2 are actually just 4). BUT WHY WASNT EXECUTOR IN THE OTHER ONE??? also the joint ops banner with fedex... and the kernel locator with mostima... im definitely not pulling the kernel one. if i could have made mostima and archetto rate up and or at least executor then id have done it. maybe even if i could do mostima or archetto and executor but noooo its only mostima for rate up. as for fedex... idk and i cant remember but i think? fedex event already reran? im not sure when he's expected to hit gold cert and since im not pulling as frequently i currently have no certs :) of any kind :)
#aru posts#arknights#laterano#lateranoknights#also exia and adnachiel arent laterano rn but theyll get it in the future#they stay
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You probably dont need long arms to tickle my feet and pits cause I'll be curled up in a ball the second you tickle me
Awwwwwee you're gonna make it soooo easy for meeee? Seee I looooove the blushyy ball, and I'm gonna tell you whyyyy~ cutie pies like youuu alwayssss go for the ball because you're adorable and you think that'll do anyyything other than gather alll those spotsss for mee~ you're like a cute raspberry, all bunched up with alll these cute ticklish curvies smushed together so I can strokeee and pokeee riight here along your siiiides and on those little openings on your underarmssss and the back of your neckkkk and your feeeeet! And coochie coooo hereeee and oooh! coochie cooooo thereeee! And it's just sooo sweeeet because you're getting alll blushyy gigglyyy wiggly in your lil cute balllll and you'll either hold your form and get more sensitive sillyyyy or you'll burst open and I can snicker down at youuu and ooh just pin your weakened arms up and teeease those exposed underarms endlesslyyyyy while I get you niceee and ~struggglyyyy~ you lil strugglebug mmhmmm~ and I'm gonna make you burst out of your snicker cocoooon ohh yesss I ammm mmhmm~ ahh and then I get to roll you out and show you anyyyywayy how I can reach all your ticklespotss~!!
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strugglebugging struggling to be a bug
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we're most likely going to japan later this year and I'm the only person in the family that speaks japanese so all the planning has fallen on me and no one is giving me any guidance.
my dad is just like "idk, you just do whatever you wanna do" and I'm over here like
he's gonna regret this!!! I'm hauling his ass on the kumano kodo, we're gonna meditate at koyasan, I'm gonna strugglebug my ass up daimonzaka, I'm going to ramble at you about shingon buddhism and shugendo, and you're going to know that it's all your fault!!!
you're going to regret letting the religious studies scholar plan this trip!!!
#the travel bug#my mother and aunt are gonna be there the first few days but then they're leaving#and dad and I will be doing the rest#last time we went to japan and he made me choose what to do I made him go to the cricket temple so like#he's making an informed decision I guess#I went to school in japan lmao so I guess I make a good tour guide but#it's still frustrating when no one will tell you what they wanna do#just me
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L + ratio + frosmoth + soft clay + strugglebug + strugglebug + strugglebug + strugglebug + strugglebug + strugglebug + strugglebug + strugglebug + str

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wacky silly kitty cats media reblog galore + đą
No fucking way is that. The. Mobile device. The doohickey. The maniac mobile menace??? The
I realize I'm so tired but thank you indeed I. Wow I wonder if the blog with reblog moment in the pinned post basically only reblogs. One day. One day I will make something I'm proud enough to put here again but I. I do self indulgent silly stuff no matter the medium, so! It's still strugglebug. Hoky shit I end to peirsh
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SHEEZYCHEEZY
yO if anyone has a Sheezyart and wants to follow me on there, I'd followed right at the tail end of it closing down and always wanted to dabble around more on it!
They should be open to free accounts in the next month or two as well, but if you already had one on there feel free to follow!
https://sheezy.art/piranhartist
Definitely been strugglebugging a little with trying to balance how many platforms I'm "active" on for posting works on specifically just to share, both for what any one website accepts for file types, and also for touching base with y'all here or folks that follow me just on other platforms but I want to still keep up with haha~ Insta has been my ""main"" for being able to post most of my works on an getting the most activity, but the formatting still s t i n k s. I do still like tumblr for the flexibility of what can be posted an love getting comments from y'all since I've been popping things on here again, but its still on the quieter side~
An then my bluesky account is just kind of 'there' if I happen to have a static picture done hSKFJ
Been thinking about trying PostyBirb just to make cross posting a little bit easier to balance, specially when I get a full time job going again and likely go into hibernation again haha.
Will figure it out in time I guess! The more art platforms f o r the art community that pop up though, the better~
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"Yeah, this place uh..." he stops for a second, sniffs at himself, just to be safe, "... it's a work in progress, heh, and the work is uh, never-ending."
He moves back to the playpen, and hoists Diego out of it, gives him a quick sniff too. Nope, not boom boom.
Looking back to the girl, he moves back to the door, baby still slung in one arm, wriggling a little bit as his fat little limb hang there. "You uh, you okay? Not to uh, pry - but you've seemed a little on edge every time I see you pacing around. Everything uh... cool?" Diego, for his part, strugglebugs in Raf's grasp, and Raf's having a little trouble, because the boy just doesn't know his own strength.
Raf never knows what he is or isn't allowed to say - how much he should or shouldn't push when he meets a distressed member of the Port Leiry populace; he sort of exists in this in-between space - in the know, but not part of it.
The Cliffsides isn't exactly the most comforting place to lay low, but it's where she's found herself, like it or not. The issue is that there's a pervasive smell of -- well, dog surrounding the whole place, which puts her even more on edge.
So she's staring at the guy in the office, trying to figure out whether or not he is one or knows what's around here, and can't really place it. It's hard, considering she's only ever been around one and there was a lot of shit distracting her from being able to memorize any of it other than the smell that was distinctly just Autumn.
Frowning, she shakes her head as he tries to get her attention. "Sorry - I thought I smelled something weird." She waves it off, like maybe she's talking about the mold or mildew.
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pushing you back into a bowl chair and restraining you with slightly loose scarves so I can lean over from various angles tickling with skittery nails making ooooloololoo nonsense coos and make you into my lil helpless wiggling strugglebug~<3
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I hate this fucking disease. I hate being sick. I hate not healing. I hate being immuno compromised.
I hate this stupid disease. I hate that I brought it on myself. I hate that getting better means feeling worse. I hate that eating comes with the 50/50 chance I'll be sick later on because the medicine has deemed it so.
I just hate it.
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Ok, so after finishing my 6th rewatch of Warrior Nun season 2, and as Iâm loading it up for rewatch rewatch #7, I gotta put some of my thoughts down:
1. I havenât seen this too much, but the reveal of Miguel being Jillianâs son Michael was so so so obvious from the first time we saw the first trailer. Casting is top tier for the show because Jack Mullarkey looks exactly like the child actor from season 1! I literally thought that was the child actor grown-up! ďżźBravo!
2. I have not seen enough love for Lillith this season! Yes, I know she teams up with Adriel, ďżźbut sheâs also just so f*cking badass that I canât help but love her. I mean the fight scene in episode one blew my mind the first time I watched it, and every time I watch it, it just gets better! Never thought Iâd be attracted to a bat demon lady, but here we are.
3. I was sad Toya wasnât able to be in this season and the lost of Shotgun Mary was definitely felt. In season one, she was just such a solid comedic character with a background that i wish we had gotten more of. I think the show runners including the part with Vincent tricking Lilith into thinking Mary was still alive made it more confusing for me, and I wish theyâd kind of just said that she was dead from the beginning!
4. Mother Superior and Camila pairing off was a highlight of the season to me. I like that we got to see more of her motherly ďżźtendencies with the girls this season as opposed to last season were she kinda sucked until the last episode.ďżź
5. I saved it for last, but 1000% not least⌠AVATRICE!! Holy shit! I have never felt so fed in my life, watching this romance play out on screen! The subtle looks, casual touches, unspoken words, and actual intimacy developed between Ava and Beatrice this season was so beautiful. I have cried every time watching the âBe Free.â, âI love youâ scene! Bravo!
Overall, let me just say we better get a season 3! NetflixâŚyouâve canceled all of my favorite shows recently with any kind of W/W content and it needs to stop!!
RENEW WARRIOR NUN SEASON 3!
#warrior nun#warrior nun netflix#ava silva#alba baptista#sister beatrice#kristina tonteri young#avatrice#lorena andrea#sister lilith#olivia delcan#sister camila#michael salvius#warrior nun season two#warrior nun season 2#renew warrior nun#strugglebug rants
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no youre like my honorary mutual i love seeing you in my notes and i go browse your blog every week or every now and again its that my dash is super full so i cant . add anyone Actually Active to it. but i love seeing u around we r basically mutuals @shinkai-kaiju
and thank you hehe ! im debating doing testaments story paths now that im done with robo ky honestly since nonbinary swag ? we will see. justice was SO hard but honestly i didnt even strategize my way through her i just kept jumping up and landing like 2-3 air missiles every jump because . i am so bad at hitting combos etjdgfhymkkt i forget every button after five seconds. justice strugglebugs :handshake:
i think ill achievement hunt for it a little before moving onto the other guilty gears with roboky :] the vita version doesnt have nearly as many achievments as the steam version does so it wont be as agonizing as that one seems 2 be
OH MYG ODDDDDD I FINALLY BEAT JUSTICE ON ROBOKYS STORY MODEEEEEEE I DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO USE EASY MODE LIKE I DID WITH DIZZY I FICUCKING BEAT HERRRRRRR im so fucknig prioud of myself . evn thhough roboky died at the end. that was heart wrenching. BUT AT LEAST HE TOOK THAT BITCH WITH HIMMMMMMM
babyyyy WOOHOOOOOOO
i still haven't beaten arcade mode because i-no is godawful. iiiiiiii did unlock golden roboky but that feels a *lot* more like cheating than easy mode ever did. I think for now i'll continue going through survival mode and mission mode to try and get those finished up while training with.... whoever i decide to train with next. either bridget (trans queen), testament (nb icon), dizzy (i want to see if i like her or not), ky (ive started headcanoning him as a lesbian which makes me like her way more), or someone in robokys story mode (just to pick at random). I might set up a poll later. BUT GOD. I BEAT BOTH STORY MODES YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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WITCHING HOUR, a john seed/deputy fic.
chapter fourteen: tin roof rusted
word count: ~10.7k
rating: m
warnings: references to ~sexual activities~, canon typical forced drug use, mentions of cannibalism, canon-typical violence, everybody playing fucking mental chess all the time meanwhile elliot is just trying to have some fun playing fucking CHECKERS. the usual!
notes:Â hi hello! this chapter was a bit hard for me to work through, because the two things that are the hardest for me to write are 1.) more than two characters in one scene and 2.) combat or action, and this has both of them. but: i digress! i hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoyed, despite all things, writing it (because it WAS fun). and i mean it when i say: WE'RE FINALLY KICKING IT OFF, BABY. EDIT: I CANNOT BELIEVE I DIDNT THANK @vasiktomis thank u for being an angel and always talking through plot problems with me, i LOVE LOVE LOVE you !!!!
special thank you as always to my loves @starcrier & @shallow-gravy for letting me borrow their eyeballs on this, as well as @faithchel and @lilwritingraven lending me help in my first time writing faith's voice. in case you're wondering what it's like to read any of these chapters in their rough draft form, it's a lot of correcting grammar and misspellings and half-finished sentences because i literally jump around like a maniac when i'm writing if an idea occurs to me, so everyone say "thank you star and gravy for making this a readable piece of content"!
and thank you as always to everyone who reads this. this really is a passion project of mine and it means so much to me to know that even on person out on the World Wide Web(TM) is enjoying it. <3
Faith could tell that something had changed.
In fact, a lot of things had changed. All of them, every single one of them, was differentâcompressed, under duress, skeletons unjustly fit into their skin. No room in the bone arena of their skulls for all of the light theyâd had before.
And she was the only one who saw.
Well, sheâd always been the only one who saw. Except for Joseph, of course, but his eyes were always set forward, never back to them; never making sure that they were close enough behind to make it through the proverbial door, always assured by the fact that if they were meant to make it to Eden with him, they would. And so here she was, seeing.
Seeing the way Joseph would lean into the dark-haired woman, Isolde; the way his lips curved, the way his eyes darted to her mouth. Longing. Joseph didnât long for things. But he did, now, in a strange and inexorable way, always close to the brunette and finding occasions to touch her. It was the thing that he did: foster affection, even in the bleakest of places, and this was no exception. Nearly every moment of theirs was spent together, but when they were apart, the smell of expensive perfume trailed after him, clinging faintly from enduring proximity alone.
And she saw the way, too, that he looked at the vet, ArdenâJacobâs âfriendâ. Muted disdain. Mistrust. Things that Joseph certainly thought that he could disguise himself, things he thought he manicured carefully with a polite exchange every time they were in the same proximity (never initiated by Arden herself, only always by Joseph). Testing the waters.
Yes, Faith thought, things have changed. Are changing, present-tense and not past. Things have changed and are in the act of changing now, right under our feet. And I donât like it.
It was inevitable, in a lot of ways, but there were some things that she could control.
Like Staci Pratt.
âHello, deputy,â she greeted once heâd come around the corner of the chapel. Sheâd been standing outside of it, pleased to enjoy a brief respite from the snowfall.
Her words made him flinch, his movements grinding to a halt. Jacob really had done a number on him, hadnât he? âHave a nice walk?â
Prattâs expression soured. He was a sulky kind of fellow, his face gaunt from malnourishment and his dark eyes haunted, darting. He never met hers for long. There had been a flicker of attitude when heâd mouthed off about the sermon, which seemed to have caught Jacob off-guard.
He said, âI guess.â
âYou guess,â Faith repeated. âYouâre given the freedom to wander around, and you guess that you like it?â
The brunette paused. He wet his lips nervously, shoved his hands deeper into the pockets of his coat. Jacob was too busy to worry about whether or not Pratt was behaving himselfâtoo busy focusing on the Hunter, slaughtering her Angels, making them disappear left and rightâto keep an eye on him. To make sure that the conditioning stuck. But Faith wasnât too busy. She was seeing.
Pratt said, âI donât know what you mean.â
âSure you do,â Faith demurred. She swept a hand over the lapel of his jacket, brushing the snow off of it. It was late afternoon, milky light filtering in through the clouds, and unflattering color palette on Pratt; it washed him out, shadowed the hollows of his face and highlighted their skeletal angles. âWhen has Jacob ever let you wander around without a chaperone?â
âIâm notâa toddler,â he managed out, having swallowed back what she was sure was a flinch when she reached up. Faithâs eyes narrowed a little. He continued to not meet her gaze; instead, he slid his eyes to the side, like maybe he was worried about someone sneaking up on him.
âWhere did you go?â Faith asked sweetly.
His eyes darted back to hers briefly. âHuh?â
âFor your walk,â she clarified patiently. âWhere did you go?â
âI-Iââ He took a step back, in what appeared to be an effort to put some distance between them. âI donât, uhââ
âItâs just a question, Deputy Pratt,â she murmured. âWhere did you walk? Behind the chapel? Over by the bunkhouses? Down by the water? Surely you went somewhere.â
âI wasnât really paying attention,â he replied defensively, âI was justâyâknow, justââ
âI donât,â Faith cut in over him, dripping the words in honey on their way out of her mouth, âknow, Staci Pratt. Thatâs why Iâm asking you.â
âBy the water,â he snapped out uneasily. âJust wanted to getâget some f-fresh air.â
âMm.â
She waited. She waited, and watched Staci Pratt squirm for a minute, unsure if he was able to excuse himself from the conversation or notâand doubly unsure what else there was to be said on the subject of his late-afternoon-walk, she was sure. Still, Faith remained quiet, scanning the courtyard leisurely as she let the silence stretch out between them.
It wasnât until Pratt opened his mouth to say something that Faith turned her eyes back to him and said, âAre you relieved Jacobâs going to be gone?â
His mouth snapped shut, and then opened again to say something, and then closed again; he looked like a fish, glassy-eyed and panicked. Faith smiled serenely.
âYou can be honest with me, Staci.â She tilted her head, watching him. âIf you are.â
âIf Iâmâwhat?â
âRelieved,â she reiterated, feeling the annoyance sparking in her voice, âthat Jacob isnât going to be around for a little while.â
His expression twisted, crumpled on itself. It was clear that Jacob had pushed himâand pushed him, and pushed him, until now he was a kicked dog, waiting for someoneâs outstretched hand to mean pain and not kindness. It was good. It meant that he would be afraid of incurring their wrath, should he have gotten any funny ideas about going against them.
Before Faith could prompt him more, the door to the chapel behind her opened and Staciâs eyes flickered to whoever it was over her shoulder.
âOh,â came Isoldeâs voice. âWhatâre you doing out and about?â
Faith turned to look at her. A little smile ticked the corners of the brunetteâs mouth when their eyes met. She had clearly been speaking to Pratt.
âDeputy Pratt was just going for a walk,â Faith informed Isolde. âDown by the water, he says.â
âIs that so?â
âNo,â Pratt replied quickly. âI wasnâtââ
Faith lifted her brows. She said, coyly, âBut you told me you were.���
âIâm done,â he insisted, âwith the walk. I-Iâm not stillâIâm not going on the walk, Iâve justââ
âThis is all very interesting, Mr. Pratt,â Isolde interjected briskly, âbut I donât have a particular care whether you were walking or if you are now going on a walk.â She cinched her coat snugly around her waist, waving a gloved hand. âCease being.â
Faith watched, amusedly, as Prattâs face flushed red from the dismissal; he looked terribly like he wanted to say something in response, but after their last little spat after Josephâs sermon, she imagined he wasnât keen on it.
Pratt looked at Faith. She smiled.
âThat means be somewhere else,â Isolde drawled, stepping down from the chapelâs doorway to stop beside Faith, tugging a glove more securely onto her hand. âIn case you didnât pick that up from your time indulging in Mario Savio.â
The manâs jaw clenched, the fabric of the jacket pockets shifting from what Faith could only assume were his fists tightening. Oh, he did want so badly to say something, didnât he? Go on, she thought, meeting his gaze, Iâd like to see it.
He did not. He ducked his head and turned to trudge through the snow. As Pratt departed to slink back to the bunkhouse, Isolde let out a little sigh.
âCanât put my finger on that one just yet,â she muttered. Her eyes returned to Faith, her expression smoothing out. âI didnât interrupt your fun, did I?â
âNo,â Faith replied sweetly, âI was actually waiting for you.â
Their handy-dandy expert had been all but inaccessible on her own since her arrival. Joseph was always beckoning for her; the crook of his fingers, the tilt of his head, meaningful gazes thrown across the room. If it wasnât him, it was time for sleep, or she was having Jacob take her out far enough to get cell service againâwhich Faith thought must mean that she had family, perhaps, or friends out there in the world.
Isolde blinked at her for a moment. She glanced back at the door to the chapelâwhere, undoubtedly, Joseph waited; to comb through his next sermon, to discuss the logistics of what was going to be happening next, to figure out how best to placate the masses and raise moraleâand then said, âWell, youâve got me.â
âLetâs go for a walk,â Faith suggested. âYou know, present-tense. Not past.â And then: âI want to check something.â
Isolde smiled wryly. The expression only changed a little when Faith took one gloved hand of hers and set off, following the paths that had been shoveled and worn down by other members of Edenâs Gate. The brunette seemed uncomfortable with the familiarity of the touch, much in the same way she seemed to be gritting her teeth through the moments of closeness with Joseph.
Squeezing her hand, Faith said, âIâm excited for Elliot and John to come back.â
âThat makes one of us.â
âYouâre not?â Curiouser and curiouser.
The woman stifled a sigh, clearing her throat as they headed down a slope that would take them closer to the water. âJohn is not one of my favorite people in the world, at this moment.â
âAnd you donât know Elliot,â she prompted.
âAnd I donât know Elliot,â Isolde agreed.
âWell, Iâm excited.â She beamed, puffing out warm air as they came down to the waterâs edge. âIâve always wanted a sister. Do you have siblings?â
âMe?â The brunette looked uneasy at the prompting. Faith wondered, briefly, if anyone had asked her anything about herself since sheâd arrivedâor if it had just been Isolde, come here, Isolde, do this. It felt familiar. Sheâd once been the come here, do this girl; with the arrival of the Family, and their subsequent terroristic acts against her family, Faith supposed a different set of skills were needed at the moment.
Not that she minded, not really. This allowed her to take a step back. And See.
âYes, you,â she replied playfully, glancing out at the water for a moment. Dark clouds were rolling in on the horizon. âI want to know everything about you.â
âOh,â Sol said absently, her eyes drifting. âIâm not all that interesting. Iâd much rather hear about...â
Her voice trailed off. Faith followed her gaze. There, in the snow, a set of footprints meeting another set somewhere close to shoreâand then away. Away, around the bend of the island, going and going and going, much farther than she thought someone who was part of Edenâs Gate ought to be going.
âWhere did Pratt say he was taking a walk?â Isolde asked, her voice a little tart.
Faith smiled. âDown here, by the water.â
âI see.â
Do you? Faith wondered, watching the way the brunetteâs eyes flickered, silently working something over in her mind. Do you see?
âI thought it was odd, that he was going for a walk,â Faith ventured after a moment. âHeâs supposed to be staying with Dr. Hale.â
The brunette made a soft noise; her eyes slid back to Faith for a moment, narrowing thoughtfully, as though she were considering something else outside of what appeared to have been a mystery guest.
âLetâs head back in,â Isolde announced after a quiet moment had lapsed. âItâs freezing out. You can ask me whatever youâd like. And, youâre rightââ
She paused, and dark brows furrowed, all discomfort at Faithâs closeness and their linked hands apparently forgotten.
âIt is odd.â
âââââââââââââââââââ
John could not stop thinking about it.
He tried, often; for the hours that he spent driving, he tried to push the scene fresh out of a horror movie from his mind and think about something else. Anything else. Not even replaying the moments theyâd spent together before that, the way she tasted and smelled and feltânot even that could wash it from his mind, like a bad aftertaste.
The drag of nails against the door. The whispering.
Bloom. Eat. Grin.
The sound of feet hitting the pavement. The whispering.
Bloom. Eat. Grin.
Who had been on the other side of that door? Who had been talking to his wife? Who had been asking her, in hushed voices, to let them in?
Wrath, do you want to bloom in me?
Beside him, Elliot slept fitfully. Uneasily. She shifted and changed positions every few minutes, until she finally gave up and pulled her seat back into the sitting position to watch the landscape go by. Johnâs eyes burned with exhaustion. Theyâd left the motel hours ago, but even that wasnât a comfort. Especially with the memory sitting heavy in his mind of Elliotâs head tilting, the click of her molars grind, the way she said I see you. I see your color.
Heâd heard that before, he thought. Hadnât he? Somewhere? Seeing color, seeing someoneâs color. See? Donât you see?
Aseâs fingers, linking with Elliotâs. Blood spilling out of her, insides painting the grass of the Sacred Skies camp. Her mouth moving listlessly. But it wasnât listlessly. She was saying something, to Elliot, that night. Back then.
Do you see?
âJohn.â
Ase, do you see? And Elliot, agonized, moaning in pain like a trapped animal.
âJohn,â Elliot said again, her voice sharper. He blinked a few times. âThe lightâs green.â
So it was.
He carefully turned down the street that was going to take them out of this townâanother nothing-name, nobody-lives-here town hours out past where their motel had been locatedâand onto the highway. This was not at all what he had wanted. The plan had always been to get Elliot, bring her home, hunker down for the end. Then sheâd see, wouldnât she? Sheâd see he was right all along, and that everything heâd done had been for herâfor themâand that the little twinge of want heâd seen on her face and in her eyes when he opened her skin with her sin wasnât bad. It was cleansing. Purifying. Heâd always known how good it was going to look on her, and he was right. It looked perfect.
What he wouldnât give to be back in that room, feeling her breath stutter and watching her lashes flicker between pain and desire.
âMaybe I should drive for a while,â she suggested after a moment, drawing his attention back to the present. John cleared his throat.
âIâm fine.â Out of the corner of his eye, he gauged herâwatched for any sign of that strange, sly cruelty that had been dredged up out of her. Thinking back on it now, the way sheâd smiled in her dreaming state, it had been like she knew he didnât want her to open the doorâand she was going to do it anyway. âYou got less sleep than I did.â
âYou donât know that,â Elliot defended, slinking down against the seat a little more.
âI do,â John replied. âBecause I know you.â
âWell,â she said, and did not elaborate. There, again, was that little thrill blooming hot and humid in his chestâknowing that she was coming to understand.
They drove for a few moments in silence, only the sound of the car rumbling and the snow getting wiped from the windshield; Boomer snored once or twice in the back seat, and John was certain that Elliot had dozed off when she said, âIâve been thinking about names.â
He had just clicked the cruise control on the highway when she said it, his eyes flickering over to her inquisitively. âFor?â
âThe baby,â Elliot replied a little dryly, like he should have guessed thatâand he supposed that he should have, but he had wanted to hear her say it. She wasnât saying our baby, but she was saying the baby, and it included him. It was saying, you know, the baby, which kept him under the umbrella of who the baby belonged to.
âAh, yes.â He felt the corner of his mouth ticking upward. âThe baby.â
He hesitated. There was something sticking uneasily to his ribs. He tried to soothe his frayed nerves by thinking, weâll be back home and Joseph will see how good Iâve done, how tamed she is for me. Heâll see and heâll be pleased.
The uneasiness squirmed viciously in his stomach.
âI like the name Nolan,â Elliot said after a minute. He saw her hand smooth absently over the very subtle slope of her tummy. She had not struck him as particularly maternal, in the time that theyâd been together, but seeing little gestures like thisâseeing her hand rest there, protectively, like their baby comforted herâmade his throat feel a little tight. âIt was my grandfatherâs name.â
âPaternal?â he idled, watching her eyes flash to him.
âNo, John,â she replied dryly. âMy maternal grandfather. If my dad was barely around, what makes you think I knew my paternal grandparents at all?â
âItâs not crazy to think. Grandparents step up, sometimes.â He shrugged, and then reached over the console of the Jeep. His hand found hers and interlaced their fingers together absently. He felt her stiffen a little, like she was thinking of pulling it away, and then relaxed and let him stay there. âI canât believe you didnât suggest John Junior.â
Her expression scrunched up. âDonât be foul.â
John flashed her a smile. They still had a full dayâs travel ahead of them, at least, but if they didnât stop for anything except gasâand thatâs what he intendedâtheyâd be rolling into Hope County sooner rather than later. Theyâd be home. Joseph would be pleasedâ
That doesnât feel as comforting as it used to.
âand Elliot would see that everything he had done had been for them.
âI like Nolan,â he clarified, after a moment. Elliot made a little noise, like it pleased her.
âIââ She paused. Her thumb absently swept over one of his knuckles, and she closed her mouth, pressing her lips together.
Johnâs gaze flickered over her before he refocused on the road. âWhat is it, Ell?â
The almost-blonde (that copper was still hanging on strong) grimaced a little and then cleared her throat. âIâm not happy about going back.â
He fixed his gaze on the road, but left his hand where it was. He didnât say anything. He wanted toâso badly, he wanted to say, well, itâs better, donât you think? Better for us, for the baby, to not have to worry about your mother or Pritchard or the memories that house dredges up, or the woman in the street or the sleepwalking?âbut he didnât. He waited.
âIâm not going to bite my tongue,â she told him, âand play nice with Joseph.â
âYou canât,â he replied quickly. âYou cannot fight him the entire time, Ell. You just canât.â
âLike fuck I canât,â she snapped.
âYou cannot,â he reiterated sharply. âItâs not just about you anymore. Itâs not good for the babyââ
âI know itâs not just about me, Scarlet.â Elliotâs voice was cutting, and she disentangled their fingers, shifting in the passenger seat to put more distance between them. Johnâs molars ground together.
Petulant, he thought. Ungrateful. Impudent. Even now, sheâs willfully obtuseâit would be so easy for her to justâto justâ
But she had never just. And he didnât like her just, only liked her exactly as she was, even when her venom and her Wrath was turned on him, liked that she had retained those sharp edges and that she let him in past them. It had been, he thought as he rested his hand back on the console, truly a labor of love to shove himself past all of those sharp edges and get in to all the grit and gore of his girl. He had been more than happy to do it. There was nothing quite so purifying as pain.
Still, the Scarlet moniker stung.
Willing the tightness out of his voice, John replied, âWell, I wish I was like your mother. Maybe then she wouldnât have spent the entire time talking about how my tattoos mean Iâll burst into flame the second I walk into a church.â
âI wonât fucking do it,â Elliot answered, her voice tight, apparently not assuaged by his attempt at humor. âI wonât fucking do it, John. Iâm not coming back just to watch you go nuclear the second he tells you that heâs proud of you, okay? And youâre right, itâs not just about me anymore, and it sure as fuck isnât just about you, either.â
He swallowed back the venom. He liked her Wrath, but this was a little too close to how things had been beforeâyou should see yourself, sheâd spat at him, practically falling over just toâ
âYou should get some sleep,â is what he finally settled on.
âThank you, Captain Obvious.â
âI mean it,â he reiterated irritably. âYou canât be sleepwalking off to God knows where with our baby, Ell.â
That shut her up. That had her mouth clamping shut, shifting in her seat so that more of her back was facing him, the physical cold shoulder. It shut her up, and John regretted saying it out loud, because he immediately thought of the way sheâd been crying in her car that day when sheâd said, Would you have even come for me if I didnât have the baby?, or the frantic, panicked way sheâd said, Iâm not crazy.
John sighed. âElliot.â
There was no response. She stayed put exactly where she was, breathing tiredly through her nose once.
âIâmââ
He stopped short. He was waiting for her to cut him off. She said nothing. He said, âI didnât mean it like that.â
Nothing.
âEll?â Still she did not answer him, instead opting to shrug the throw blanket sheâd pulled up from the floor beneath her seat further up to her chin, remaining dutifully silent. She was doing it on purpose. She was doing it because she knew that he wanted the back-and-forth, because she knew that he couldnât stand it when she was withholding from him, and it was working.
And he couldnât even comfort himself with the knowledge that they would be back in Hope County.
ââââââââââââââââââââ
When Elliot woke next, it was to Johnâs voice.
Ugh, she thought. Iâm so over it.
Still, it persisted, the timbre of his voice rousing her from her uneasy sleep, plagued by more uneasy dreamsâblurs of color and light and anxiety, wadding up tight in her throat.
âCome on,â John said, gently jostling her until she sat up a little more. âIâve put the back seats down. Letâs sleep a little.â
âWhere are we?â she asked groggily, displacing her irritation with him in favor of resting her hand in the crook of his neck. The steady thrum of his pulse under her fingers, the smell of his faded cologne washing over her. In her half-asleep state, it provided some comfort, even as she shivered her way out of the passenger seat and crept around to the back of the Jeep.
âA campground,â John replied, his voice welling with disdain, even now. Even when they had no reason to be picky. âIn Iowa. Close to the South Dakota border.â
âOh,â she said. She was so tired; it was as though getting some sleep had made her even more tired, had reminded her body of what she had been lacking. Exhaustedly, she crawled into the nest-like space John had laid out in the back with the seats laid flat, Boomer tucked up into the corner close to the door and buried into one of the sweaters sheâd shed during the drive.
John climbed in beside her, closing the back of the Jeep and then pulling several more blankets up. He scrolled through a timer on his phone for a moment before he set it and then tucked it to the side, rolling to look at her.
âYou done ignoring me?â he murmured.
âMm.â She shifted, wadding the blankets up. âYou done beinâ a fuckhead?â
âYour accent comes out when youâre tired.â
âNo it doesnât.â
In the dark, she could see the vague outline of him grinning. He was quiet for a moment before he reached up, hesitating and then brushing some of the hair from her face.
âWeâre on the same team, Elliot,â John said.
âAre we?â She couldnât keep the bitterness out of her voice. She was tired, and emotional; fuck, she was so over being this emotional. âFeels all the time like itâs just me, hoping youâre gonna come around and never getting what I need.â
Not what I want. It was what I need.
âWe are,â John insisted.
âThen start acting like it,â Elliot snapped, the sleepy slur of her words clearing up a little in the wake of her irritation. âI told you, John. I told youâyou canât be sitting around with one foot over there and one foot over here. You were right, itâs not just about me now. Thereâs the baby, too. I wonâtââ She bit the word out, crushing it with the emotional duress that tried to seep into her voice. ââhave you one foot in and one foot out when the babyâs here. Youâre either in it or youâre not. Donât make me choose for you.â
Johnâs expression flattened. He sighed, passing a hand over his face, digging the pads of his fingers into his eyes for a moment. She tried not to think about the way heâd said I love you back at the motel, moaning it into her neck and sparking that little tiny part of her that wanted it so badly. Heâd said it that day, too, when sheâd been crying in the car. Of course I would have come. I love you. Had her mother said she loved her a single time since sheâd been back?
I just want you to mean it, she thought exhaustedly, closing her eyes and rolling onto her other side, back to him. I just want you to mean it when you say you love me. I just want someone to fucking mean it, even just once.
âElliot,â he murmured, shifting closer to her and nosing past the hair at the nape of her neck. She felt the hesitant slide of his hand against her hip; closing her eyes more tightly, she scooted closer to Boomer, brushing Johnâs hand off of her. He couldnât just crowd up in her space with sweet touches every time she was mad. Heâd have to learn how to do better, or drop the act.
âEll.â He didnât try and touch her again. She was glad for it, even if the fanning of his breath across the back of her neck had been comforting. âWeâll be home soon.â
âSure, John,â she replied tiredly.
Whatever that means.
ââââââââââââââââââââ
âAlright, Iâm going.â
Jacobâs announcement came in the early afternoon. Isolde glanced up from where she had been meticulously combing over inventory. It wasnât great. It wasnât even remotely close to great. And she still didnât know, quite, what to fucking do; Jacobâs earlier question of whether she was going to leave or not still hung over her. Mocked her for her indecision. For the worm of doubt in her head that maybe, there was some truth to what Joseph was saying.
If she left, sheâd have to take the first flight to Turkey to be with her family. Nineteen hours in the air. A fucking nightmare. There wasâfrom what her father had told her on their phone callâno going back to Georgia, not right now, not when things in the U.N. were so fucking tense, and not when someone kept throwing around a nuclear threat like confetti. Straight from dadâs mouth, too, not her own words.
âGoing?â she prompted, setting her pen down and crossing her arms over her chest. The heater in the corner of the bunkhouse sputtered weakly. Arden hadnât even bothered to look up from her book when Jacob came in. One of the hairy beasts she called Castor or PolluxâIsolde had not yet determined which was whichâhad curled up on her feet on the bed as she read, the other stretched out on the floor. They both looked at her as soon as Jacob had stepped inside, as though to wait for some kind of signal from her.
âTo the Vetâs Center,â he clarified. His gaze flickered from her to Arden. âAde?â
The blonde scribbled something in the margins of her book. âJake.â
âWhereâs Pratt?â
âI told him to go eat something,â she idled. âHe looks about ninety pounds soaking wet, as they say. Though if I had to actually estimate, Iâd say maybe one-twenty more like. How much did he weigh before? One-fifty? Little more?â
âHeâs supposed to be staying with you, here,â Jacob replied dryly. He sighed, glancing out the door and then back in. âYouâre giving him too much leash.â
âYou pushed him too far.â Ardenâs voice was flat, non-committal; she still had not disengaged from her book, despite the words coming out of her mouth, which were clearly a criticism. Isolde shifted in her seat, coming to a stand.
âWell,â she began, searching absently for her coat, âI think I was supposed to go helpââ
âI pushed him exactly where heâs supposed to be.â Jacob had stepped into the bunkhouse entirely, now, the frown deep-set on his features. âIf youâre going to levy a criticism, Arden, do me the favor of making eye contact.â
âI donât have to look you in your eyes to tell you youâre wrong,â Arden murmured. âYou pushed him too far. You left a beat dog with no structure and no faculties to survive with alone, in inclement weather conditionsââ
âItâs snow.â
ââfor almost two months,â she finished, completely glossing over his interjection. âNo resources. No way to contact you. You made him absolutely reliant on you to do literally everything, and then you left himâalone. So now, I have to give him more leash.â She clicked her pen, snapped the book shut, and looked at the dogs. âGo on then, boys.â
They hopped to their feet and darted over to Jacob, big tails whooshing noisily. Isolde watched them nosing Jacobâs hand for attention and pets, and then looked at Jacob. His expression was tight.
âIsolde,â he said. The tone of his voice said, give us a minute.
âOn my way out,â she replied briskly, sliding her coat on and gathering up her papers. âPardon me, hounds.â
Jacob herded them to the side as she made her way out, closing the door behind her and letting out a breath. She could hear a moment of silence stretching in the bunkhouse behind her before the redheadâs voice came through the door: âSay what you want to say, Arden, I can tell when youâre biting your tongue.â
And then, barely a momentâs hesitation: âI just canât help but wonder about the legitimacy of Josephâs guidance,â Arden was saying. âYouâre your own man, Jacob. You know when someone is making poor decisions.â
âPratt isnât, and wasnât, a âpoorâââ
âIâm not talking about Pratt anymore. Jacob, Iâm giving you the eye contact you wanted to tell you that I think you need to reassess what...â
Isolde let out a long, warm exhale of breath before she began trekking across the compound, the argument trailing out to nothing behind her. She did not hear it; she did not think about the implications of what appeared to be the only rational person in this fucking place having an opinion on leadership. It had dumped another seven inches in the night, and now bedraggled members of Edenâs Gateâas if they hadnât looked bedraggled from the minute sheâd gotten thereâwere struggling to re-shovel walkways. This couldnât be typical Montana weather, could it? No, she didnât think so. Even now, those thick, heavy clouds from before had begun to move in, swollen and black-dark with unshed snow.
She saw Pratt sitting on the chapel steps, bundled up in a coat and scarf, hands tucked cross-ways over his chest.
âSpeak of the devil,â she said, drawing his eyes to her. His mouth twisted in a grimace and he looked away.
âIâm just minding my own business.â
âSure,â she replied. She thought about the walk sheâd taken with Faith down to the water, and the extra pair of footprints. âYou do a lot of that? Say, with a friend?â
Prattâs eyes darted to hers. âOf...â
âMinding your own business,â she clarified tartly. âDo you mind your own business, sometimes with a friend?â
The deputyâs expression was blank. Isolde rolled her eyesâhe was either incredibly stupid, or he was playing stupid, and she didnât think it was the latter.
âI donât, uh,â he began, âknow whatââ
âWhy donât you show me where you went for a walk,â she suggested coolly. âIâve got time. Could use the company. Where did you say you went, again? Iâd like to know the best places to go mind my business.â
Pratt swallowed thickly, coming to a stand with an abrupt awkwardness that implied panic. He shoved his hands into his coat pockets and said, âIâm not r-reallyââ
He stammered for a second more, clearly struggling to come up with a reason not to, but was cut off by the sound of an alarm blaring at the end of the compound. Doors all across the compound opened, heads peeking out, guns gripped in dirty, calloused hands. Isolde had never seen so many fucking guns in one place.
âSol!â Jacobâs voice broke through the sound of the alarm rattling around.
âWhatâs that alarm?â Pratt asked, his voice having gone a little high. âWhatâs going on? Do youââ
Isolde slapped her hand over his mouth. âShut up,â she snapped. A dark vehicle had started pulling in through the front gates of the compound. And then she heard the look-out from the gate shout:
âThe Baptist is home!â
ââââââââââââââââââââ
âReally had to throw up an alarm for you, huh?â
John sighed. In the time since their argument, Elliot had said almost nothing to himâjust a no, yes, no thanks, Iâm fine whenever he suggested eating or taking a break. Now, as they pulled into the compound, she radiated only absolute tension, the softness of even the way she had sought him out in her sleep that night theyâd slept in the back of the Jeep having departed completely.
âBetter safe than sorry,â he muttered, pulling the Jeep up further under the compoundâs archways. âElliot, before we get out, I wantââ
âThatâs him,â she interrupted, her voice spiking a little, fingers quickly undoing her buckle. âThey didnât kill him, Jesus Christââ
And before he could stop her, she was climbing out of the passenger side of the car, forcing John to throw the Jeep into park halfway under the trellis; he turned the car off and opened his door, swallowing thickly as he watched Elliot trudge her way through the snow just to be met halfway by Staci Pratt.
âHoly shit,â Pratt was saying, squeezing her shoulders and then putting his hands on her face and neck and then his hands in her hair, Johnâs stomach somersaulting viciously. âFuck fuck fuck, I thought you werenât going to come back, Elliââ
Elliotâs voice was thick, emotional. âOf course I was coming back,â John heard her say as he approached, having opted to leave the vicious attack dog in the back of the car. âOf course Iâd come back for you, Pratt, Iâm so sorry, I thought youâI thought you left with everyone else.â
âJohn.â
His attention was dragged away from the sightâPratt, touching her, touching my Elliot, touching her like he knows her, like he knows her the way I do, not my Elliotâto the sight of his eldest brother and his business partner making their way over. Jacob had a big grin on his face, almost relieved, but Isolde looked as displeased as ever.
âI was hoping for a bigger reception,â John admitted tightly, his eyes cutting to his wife again. She was wrapped up in a bear hug. Sickening. âBalloons. Maybe a champagne bottle.â
âI ought to fucking bottle you!â Isolde snapped. Her eyes darted over his face for a second, like she was taking inventory of his state of being, before she said, âTook you long enough, anyway. Fucker.â
Jacob added, âThereâs a lot to catch up on, and not a lot of time to waste. Iâm just on my way out, myself.â
âItâs going to be a minute.â John hated the jealousy blooming in his voice, but there was no stopping it, not when Elliotâs hands were fluttering over Prattâs face like a besotted maiden, not when she kept saying things like are you okay? Are you alright? Iâm sorry, Iâm so sorry, Iâm so sorry, like she owed him anything. âWhere are you going?â
âWell,â Jacob said, âletâs wrap that up, shall we?â
Heâd barely the time to register that Jacob hadnât answered his question before his eldest brother was moving. One second, John felt himself stewing over the way Elliotâs hands went to Prattâs face, moving endlessly like they didnât know where they wanted to landâand the way she let Pratt touch her, brushing the hair from her face and choking out some indiscernible nonsense.
And then Jacob clapped a hand on Prattâs shoulder and said, âAlright, Peaches, I think thatâs enough,â and maybeâin hindsightâJohn would have considered the possibility of Jacob doing it because he saw the way it bothered him. But in truth, the real reason was probably a bit less honorable and likely had to do more with his eldest brotherâs innate desire to push Elliotâs buttons.
Unfortunately, there was no button to be pushed this time. Only a hairpin trigger to be tripped.
Jacobâs hand landed; the words came out of his mouth; John started to say, âNow, wait,â; and Elliotâs hand lunged out to grab the offending hand at the wrist, wrenching it viciously off of Prattâs shoulder.
There was only a beat of silence before the eldest Seed said calmly, âHellcat.â
John saw Elliotâs grip tighten. Red welled slowly where sheâd latched on with her hand, breaking skin in the half-moon shape of the nail bite. Jacob could have pulled away; he had almost a foot on Elliot and two times the brute strength, but instead his eyes narrowed and he stayed exactly put where sheâd kept him.
âSomething youâd like to say?â he needled.
âDonât,â she bit out, âpush my fucking buttons, Seed.â
âPratt is a reward for good behavior,â the Soldier rumbled, voice pitched low with warning, âthat meansââ
Johnâs hand brushed Elliotâs shoulder as he cautioned, âJacobââ
âThe reward for good behavior is you get to keep your hand after putting it this close to me," she seethed. Her free hand had curled possessively into the front of Prattâs shirt. Thatâs my person, it said, I have so few, I have so few of them left. "So are you going to say thank you, Jacob?"
A tense, uncomfortable moment stretched, until Pratt said, âItâsâitâs fine, Elli.â
âItâs not fine,â Elliot bit out, not once looking away from Jacob.
âItâs really okayââ
John gave Elliotâs shoulder a squeeze. Her lashes fluttered. He could feel Prattâs eyes boring into him when he nosed past the hair at her ear to murmur, âCome on, Ell.â
It was a strange kind of satisfaction to watch her drop Jacobâs wrist like it repulsed her, blood under her fingernails and her expression hard.
âIâm not fucking done with you,â she told the redhead.
âCounting on it,â Jacob replied evenly. And then, gesturing at her hair: âI like the dye job. Youâre looking more like a Seed.â
Elliot made a disgusted noise, her other hand still gripping Prattâs shoulder and the weaponized one hanging at her side. John smoothed his thumb over her shoulder again, shooting Jacob a cautioning look before he said, âLetâs get our things unloaded, donât you think?â
âYouâre finally home!â
It was Faith, now, the sweet timbre of her voice breaking through the background chatter between Isolde and Jacob and the members of Edenâs Gate that had flocked to the front of the chapel. The blonde beamed at him, but her eyes immediately went to Elliot. Trailing behind her at a leisurely pace was Joseph.
While his sister crowded up to Elliot like a moth to flame, Josephâs attention was fixed on him.
I wonât bite my tongue and play nice with Joseph.
John went to meet his brother halfway, a strange kind of anxiety encouraging him to keep distance between Joseph and his wife. For now. Just for now, he reasoned, just while Elliot was still so stressed out about Pratt and the car ride. Once they got settled in, it would be different; Joseph wanted her here. Her and the baby, both.
His brother reached up; the calluses of Josephâs fingers brushed the juncture where his shoulder and neck met, squeezing there for a moment.
âWeâre happy youâre home,â Joseph said, and he sounded like he meant itâhis voice bloomed with warmth, and he pressed their foreheads together, just like he had done before. âItâs not the same without you here.â And then, pulling back and looking at Elliot: âAll three of you.â
He watched Prattâs expression crumple and twist at the words. Faith was saying something excitedly to Elliot, something about how much sheâd missed having her around, and his wife only looked to be half-listening; it was like Josephâs acknowledgment of her existence in their space had put her on edge, immediately.
âJacob said he was leaving?â John asked, trying to pull the attention elsewhere. Josephâs mouth thinned.
âYes. Thereâs a lot to go over, since youâve been gone. You should come in to the chapel.â
âOf course,â he agreed quickly. The strange, giddy nervousness fluttered up in his throat. âIâm sure I canââ
âJohn,â Elliot interjected, âhelp me unpack the car.â
âPratt can help,â Joseph replied mildly. âCanât you, Pratt?â
The deputy shifted on his feet, nodding numbly. Automatically, robotically, he said, âYeah. Yeah, Elli, I canââ
She wasnât looking at Pratt. She wasnât even looking at Joseph. She was looking at him, and as Pratt rambled about how heâd be happy to help, of course heâd be happy to help, she said, âI want John to help me unpack the car.â Her eyes flickered to Joseph. She did that little thing where she tilted her chin up in defiance before she added, âThe three-day car ride really took it out of me.â
His brotherâs hand dropped from his shoulder. John shifted on his feet. He looked at Joseph and said, âI canââ
âGo, of course,â Joseph cut in over him. âYour wife is with child. The best thing right now would be making sure she gets settled in.â
âThen Iâll head out now,â Jacob announced, fishing car keys out of his pocket. âAnd be back before dinner.â
âIf youâre sure.â
Jacob nodded at the question. Joseph gave Johnâs shoulder a final squeeze before he moved back toward the chapel steps; he made a single beckoning of his fingers, which did the miraculous act of drawing Isolde over to him. His brotherâs head ducked to say something in a low voice into her ear, something he couldnât quite make out.
âPeaches,â Jacob barked. âGet in the bunkhouse.â
The brunette grimaced and took Elliotâs handâinfuriating, impertinent fucking deputyâand squeezed. âIâll find you,â he whispered, and she nodded and gave him another tight around-the-neck hug before she turned and met John halfway to the car. Her fingers brushed his as they trudged back to the Jeep.
âHappy?â he asked. He was trying not to sound petulant.
âNot hardly,â Elliot replied. She paused, and then grabbed his hand, interlacing their fingers. âJohn?â
He made a low noise, stopping as they reached the front of the Jeep. He kept replaying it in his mind: Pratt grimy fingers in Elliotâs hair, on her cheeks and her neck, their foreheads pressed together as Elliot said Iâm so sorry, Iâm so sorry. The idea that maybe they had been romantically entangled, once, refused to leave his mind. Had they been interested in each other? Had they kissed? More?
âIf you do one thing for me,â she began, drawing him out of his thoughts, âpromise me you wonât leave me alone with Joseph.â
Johnâs throat felt tight. âEllââ
âI mean it,â she insisted. Her voice was a little tight. âIâmâtrusting you.â And then she squeezed his hand and reiterated, âPlease, John.â
After roughly twenty-four hours of the silent treatment, this felt niceâbut he also knew Joseph would want to talk to Elliot. Alone. Even if John thought there was no reason, and even if John thought that maybe he didnât want Joseph getting alone time with Elliot. For no reason, really. No reason in particular.
âOkay,â he murmured. âI promise.â
ââââââââââââââââââââ
Jacob knew, instantly, that something was wrong.
The drive to the Veteranâs Center was a brisk one. Quick and easy, nothing out of the ordinary. It was so unremarkable that it passed in next to no time, it felt like. Arriving at the Veteranâs Center, however, proved to be much more unsettling, because he thought, somethingâs not fucking right.
The problem was figuring out what. There were plenty of indicators, of courseâthe speakers on their tall posts toppled over, some breaking the glass into the windows; the lack of life, anywhere. He knew that most animals had fled closer to town for resources now that the snow had been falling almost nonstop, but when he opened the door into the Veteranâs Center, he got the distinct sense that the area had been devoid of critters and other lifeforms for quite awhile.
Sans Pratt, of course.
He wondered, briefly, what it was that had driven Pratt out into the snow. He said it was because heâd seen the Hunter, slaughtering his Chosen, but he didnât know that he believed it; Staci Pratt was weak, capable of having his ear bent to almost any show of dominance, and with the Family afoot he couldnât completely rule out the idea that he was operating under different pretenses than he had before. Arden's accusation that he'd pushed the deputy too far still sat in the back of his head, squirming and writhing, reminding him that he'd likes how well Arden could read peopleâuntil it turned a critical eye on him.
If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared.
He thought he had done enough to ensure that Staci Pratt feared retribution more than he wanted revenge. He thought, but there were little pinpricks of things that made him suspiciousâPratt, mouthing off about the sermon right in front of him. Pratt, skulking around like a scavenger. His eyes were more hungry than they were afraid, even if they shied away from him whenever he barked out an order for Prattâs attention.
Jacob pushed open the door to the Veteranâs Center, letting it swing shut behind him. The inside smelled strong and earthy, and the heaters had been cranked up, rattling in the walls and the ceilings, turning it into a sauna. Each time he passed a vent, he was blasted with that smell again; humid, fetid wet earth and greens. Jacob picked his way carefully past one of the toppled speaker-poles, protruding through the window, broken glass crunching underfoot and the air so viciously hot that felt like it was sucking the breath right out of his lungs.
It occurred to Jacob that either Pratt had been here to witness this trashing, or someone had done this in the very short time between when heâd been here and when heâd left. Neither option was one that Jacob enjoyed entertaining for very longâthough he was inclined, more and more, to think that it was something he had either witnessed or been party to. Time apart had brought Pratt some kind of willfulness that needed to be stamped outâand quickly.
As soon as he opened the door to his office, two things happened: Jacob was hit with a single overwhelming, earthy smell, and the sound of a drum roll echoed, tinny and noisy, before music started blaring in through the speakers. It took a second in the vicious, rattling din of pure sound echoing off of the walls and every metal surface in the office for him to realize what song it was.
If you see a faded sign at the side of the road that says 15 miles to the Looooooooooooove Shack!
âWhat the fuck,â he muttered, fingers curling tight around the grip of his gun. Trap, the alarm bells in his head were screaming. Itâs a trap, we knew it was going to be a trap and we fucking came here anyway. Music vibrated through the floors and the walls, the poles of the speakers shaking in the windows where they had been busted through. It was impossible to hear himself, let alone his thoughts, but that didnât matterâ
The Love Shack is a little old place where we can get-to-gether!
âbecause every neuron was firing rapidly, pumping blood straight to all of his vital organs as the speakers vibrated so loudly against the linoleum floors that he could feel it up in his molars. The door into the surveillance room rattled once, the handle jerking wildly. He didnât remember putting anyone in there, nor anything.
Something thumped against the door. He glanced at his desk, and then at the door again; pale, ghostly-white fingers snaked beneath the bottom gripping and then shaking the door in its frame. He was sure if the music had been down, he would have heard the breathing hissing through the gap where the floor and the door didnât quite meet.
This was not good.
Love Shack, thatâs where itâs at!
This was very bad.
Love Shack, thatâs where itâs at!
Someone had been here since Pratt had left, and
The whole shack shimmies!
someone had put something
The whole shack shimmies!
in that room for him to find.
Or to find him.
The door rattled again, this time more forcefully, shaking in the entire door frame like someone was throwing their entire body weight into it.
The whole shack shimmies when everybodyâs moving around and around and arouâ
Something hard and metal connected with the back of his knees, sending pain radiating straight up his spine and him staggering a few steps forward. Jacobâs hand shot out to steady himself against the edge of his deskâpapers scattered loosely, with disregard, across the top of it, fluttering to the ground as the metal feet screamed against the linoleum.
Jacob ground his molars together and pushed himself into full standing again, turning quickly to see anâunfortunatelyâfamiliar face. There was barely a second to take in the crooked smile around a burning cigarette before she swung what he recognized as an aluminum bat into the side of his knees.
Hard.
It blistered pain; even above the music, the sound of the impact was painful on its own, let alone the actual physical connection of metal to his kneesâtoo old, he thought faintly, Iâm too fucking old for this bullshitâand he bit down through it and lifted the rifle in his hands. It was a sluggish, too-slow movement, and he knew that, his limbs feeling like lead; but above all else, he didnât want to think about the knowledge that he was only upright because he had the desk behind him, or about the waves of agony echoing through his skeleton like a death knell. All he wanted to think about was getting his shot in.
Everybodyâs movinâ, everybodyâs groovinâ, baby!
She grabbed the muzzle of the rifle and wrenched it to the side, away from where it was aimed at her. It was surprising, the iron force she held the gun with. All that wasted potential, he thought through the muggy haze.
Jacob could see the grip of her other hand tightening on the baseball bat a split second before she swung it. It was just enough time for him to drop his hold on the gun and brute force the blow into his forearm rather than taking it straight to the ribs, gripping the fattest part of the bat with his hand and using the opening to lurch forward.
It was not a pleasant experience, headbutting the Hunter. Instantly he felt the skin on his forehead split from the impact, the wet, hot flood of blood down from his hairline tickling the edge of his nose; the smell of nicotine filled up his senses, for a second providing a brief reprieve from the humid smell of wet earth that had filled the Veteranâs Center. But it was a pleasant experience to watch her reel back, to see the anger flickering across her otherwise smug expression.
Folks lining up outside just to get doooooown!
The Hunter spit blood out of her mouth, tossing the rifle sheâd departed their grip-lock with down the stairs and out of reach. No matter, he thought; she was a few inches shorter than him, and probably a hundred pounds lighter. He wouldnât need a rifle to put her down.
The door behind him rattled. He would need a gun to put whatever the fuck that was down.
The Hunter shrugged out of her heavy coat, discarding it on the floor. Jacob held the aluminum batâhis prize, nowâcomfortably in his hand, rolling his wrist and testing the weight absently. Everything in his body was screaming; the air felt thick and humid, the clarity the smoke had given him gone as the floral scent from the vents overwhelmed everything except for the pain shooting through his knees, which was now a constant, fiery burn. He thought he recognized that smell; in passing through the burnt embers of Fallâs End, and from the night theyâd fished Elliot out of the woods, when Johnâs eyes had been blown black and his gestures over-exaggerated like he had to work all the harder to get his body to move.
Pain shot up his spine in a sharp, red-hot needle, almost staggering. He narrowed his eyes. No weakness. Thereâs no room for the weak in Eden. Sacrifice theâ
âYou made me drop my cigarette,â the Hunter said, wiping the blood from her mouth and interrupting his mantra.
âSays on the sign,â he replied, his voice coming out hoarse from the blood heâd swallowed as he indicated the No Smoking sign hanging on the door. Fuck, it was hot; the room felt like it was swimming, the ground stretching out beneath him until it felt like there were miles between him and the Hunter. âThat shitâll kill you.â
Love Shack, baby, Love Shack! Love Shack, baby, Love Shack!
The Hunter rolled her shoulders. âDid that sign go up before or after the forced cannibalization?â
âBefore,â Jacob gritted out between his teeth, âand I abided by the rule. Iâm...â He took in a breath. It felt like breathing in hot bathwater. â...not an animal.â
The Hunter flashed her teeth at him. They were cherry-red stained. âHow ya feelinâ?â
âFine,â he spat. He did not feel fine.
âYeah?â She looked pleased. âLookinâ a little flush, soldier.â
She had wandered closer. Closer than heâd anticipated, nor realized; the walls kept fucking stretching, making everything around him seem wobbly and farther away until it was right there, up in his face. The closeness of the Hunter kick-started him, swinging the bat in his grip with every intention of colliding it with the side of her faceâbut she stepped leisurely out of the way, like it was nothing, and the bat hit air. Whooshed comedically over the sound of The B-52âs chanting in his head, over and over again.
The Hunter used the moment to push down on his shoulder, far enough that he was nearly unbalanced, before her foot came down on his kneeâpushing, and pushing, splitting pain straight to his skull until it bloomed violent starbursts behind his eyes.
âOuchie,â she crooned. âTender?â
âFââ He swallowed thickly. Even that felt like sandpaper, like his muscles were grinding against each other. âFucking bitch.â
It felt good to get that one out.
He dropped the bat in favor of gripping her calf, trying to shove her foot off of the spot she had battered twice in a row with a metal bat. This only seemed to encourage her to push down harder, until the front of his knees hit the floor, the bat skittering out of his reach again, clattering against the floor.
The music had died down into the quieter part of the song. The Hunter fished something out of her back pocket; the sound of the metal clinking dragged bright yellow streaks in front of his eyes, and the linoleum stretched out like a conveyor belt beneath him, and his breath felt laborious even through the heavy, painful pounding of blood through his eyes, and yesâhe knew, now. This had been a trap, she had been counting on his return, and she had planned for it.
Fucker.
âYou nutties have some interesting ideas,â she said, slapping the handcuff onto his wrist where he still gripped the dark jean-clad leg before clipping the empty one to the handle of the desk drawer. âTook me a little while to haul all of those fuckinâ lobotomized creeps all the way over here, too. But I was doing some light reading on your stuff, using drugs and music and all that good-good funâby the way, your writing?â She cocked an eyebrow at him, nose scrunching. âLittle dry, buddy. You ever taken a class? I bet not. You donât look the type. Anyway, spent hours just getting them fuckinâ blitzed. Starved the little bastards. Been running this big ass heater into that room for hours. Theyâre real fuckinâ hungry, you know.â She flashed a smile. âYeah, you do know about that.â
Bang bang bang on the door baby!
The Hunter crouched down to his eye-level as he breathed through his nose and tried to keep his heart-rate down; he guessed that sheâd stuffed the vents with whatever it was they had been using to drug John, and just thinking that made his heart jump unsteadily in his chest, crawling up his throat. Every single sound bled color in front of his eyes, making his vision swim. He was vaguely aware of the rattling of the door just a few feet away.
She hadnât been killing Faithâs Angels. She had been taking them.
âAlways hear about how animals will chew their own foot off to get out of a trap,â she continued lazily. âAnd despite what you said, Iâve been dying to see how much of a fuckinâ animal you are, old man.â
She was close, now, though. Close enough that he could grab herâbash her face into the desk, fish the key out of wherever she was keeping it; Jacobâs eyes narrowed through blistering heat and pain, sweat or blood or maybe both dripping down into the corner of his mouth.
âWhatâs the saying?â The Hunter cocked her head, dark eyes glittering. She was enjoying this. ââHe who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a manâ.â
âI donât think,â Jacob ground out between his teeth, âthis is what Samuel Johnson fucking meant when he said that.â
He swung his free hand, not cuffed, at her head. He thought, shame the hairâs so short, with only skin available to snatch at. There was a second where he got the sickening sense of satisfaction of colliding his closed fist to the side of her face, clumsy and sluggish though the movement was; his fingers reached, grabbing for anything that he could get a hold onâeven a fucking earring would have sufficedâbut she snatched his wrist and slapped his hand back to the ground.
It was only a split second of him trying to get mobility back before she produced a hunting knife from her back and drove it into the top of his thigh without blinking; but her eyes were almost all pupil now, like this little song and dance theyâd been doing was more effective than the drug. It probably was; he didnât know how long theyâd been dosing themselves on their own shit to build up an immunity.
Jacob bit down through the agonized, infuriated sound that tried to crawl out of his throat. Blood flooded his mouth.
âYou men and your hands,â the Hunter tsked, but there was a bit of venom in her voice now. âAlways grabbing at things you oughtnât be.â She pulled the knife out with a salacious, wet noise, waggling the crimson-wetted blade of it as though to scold him. âBad doggy.â
âFuck you,â Jacob spat. Blood spittle sprayed her face. Her mouth downturned, and she used one gloved hand to wipe it from her eye as though to brush snow from her face and not his spit.
âBetter get that checked out,â she replied, coming to a stand again and gesturing to the knife wound on his leg. âLooks nasty.â
Knock a little louder, baby.
Coming to a stand, she moved to the door and cocked her head, listening to the heavy thump of what Jacob knew now to be one of Faithâs Angels against the door. The Hunter looked at him.
Bang bang bang on the door baby!
âYou think they like the song?â she asked. Jacob pulled at the handcuff. Absently, dragging himself into a full sitting position now. The bat was too far. She was out of reach.
I! Canât! Hear! You!
âProbably not your taste,â she continued. âBut we love it.â
She slammed her fist against the door in time with the Bang baaaaang! On the door, baby! in the song, and now the door rattled viciously, agitation incited by the overwhelming stimulation of sound and movement. She did it again; smashed her fist against the door, rattled the doorknob until over the sound of the song he heard a furious, inhuman wail on the other side of the door. He struggled to try and stand; sheâd clipped him to the lowest drawer, and it had him hunching, eye-level with the desk.
âDonât,â Jacob managed out hoarsely, âstop fuckingââ
âNo, wait!â she cut in over him. âThis is my favorite part!â
The music cut out. He heard, shrilly and splitting through his head, another half-snarled scream coming out through the door. The Hunter grinned at him. She stepped away from the door once the wood at the bottom started to splinter, bloodied fingers clawing rabidly to pull the door apart.
âTiiiiiiiiiin roof!â Her grin split wider. âRusted.â The drum hit from the music break came on, and she winked, and then picked her jacket up from the floor as she made her way to the door.
Love Shack, baby, Love Shack!
âDonât worry,â the Hunter called over the music and the heavy breathing as the Angels started pulling the plywood door apart, spitting more blood from her mouth. âThe weak have their purpose. Youâll understand that soon enough.â
As soon as he heard the sound of her feet hitting the stairs on the way down, Jacob yanked viciously on the drawer. He didnât need her coming back up, not yetânot until he had two hands ready to grab and rip and tearâand it took three more clumsy, muggy jerks of his arm to rip the drawerâs shell out of the slot with a noisy clatter.
âOkay,â he breathed to himself, over the sound of Love Shack kicking into repeat again. The Angels, frenzied and gaunt and baring yellowed teeth at him like feral dogs, started shoving at each other to get through the hole theyâd broken through the door enough; bloodied, splintered fingers spread crimson against the linoleum and their sickly skin. Through the window, he heard what he thought had to be the roar of flames.
My truck, he thought venomously as he tore the end of his shirt, wrapping it frantically over the stab wound in his leg to try and slow the bleeding. Fuck fuck fuck fucking bitch fuckingâ
The first Angel shoved its way through the hole in the door, the fabric of its shirt and then its skin tearing on the splintered wood. Jacob gripped the handle of the drawer tightly and gritted his teeth through the radiating pain.
The weak have their purpose, sheâd said, like she knew anything about that, spitting his own words back in his face to mock him.
Jacob bit down through the pain, the vision fogging and fizzing. Donât be fucking weak, that voice inside of him said. I have purpose. I have my purpose. I know my purpose. Cull the herd. Cull the herd.
The Angel hissed viciously at him. They had been trained to recognize Heralds, but whatever the Hunter had done to them had fried their brains beyond even that rote memorization. Jacob rolled his shoulder and sucked his teeth.
Cull the fucking herd.
#far cry 5#fc5 fic#fic: witching hour#my writing#john seed/female deputy#ch: arden hale#ch: jacob seed#ch: helmi#ch: isolde khan#ch: elliot honeysett#far cry 5 fic#fc5 oc#i'm literally like what the fuck do i even tag this anymore#also i miss santi and i WILL be bringing him back next chapter#please do not look at me as i strugglebug my way through combat and action#grrrrrrrr#;--;
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here pink use this *throws down a floatie*
What is this supposed to do???
#đˇthe man in pink. enochđˇ#âď¸fools artâď¸#off enoch#off game#strugglebugs#F: thanks eddie#F: HSJSHSKSJSJ
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