#students were leaving at like 12:55 so i went in to put my stuff down

[thegeekyartist]

Got some minor attitude from a fellow teacher this morning.

[flipnegg]

Under the Lights [Modern AU/Fake Dating AU]

Pairing: Itachi Uchiha x Kousuke Senju [OC]

Word count: 1,530

Summary: College student, Kousuke Senju, gets thrown a curve ball when Itachi Uchiha, a classmate who he's never spoken to, suddenly asks him to date him. With finals approaching and winter break just around the corner, what else was going to be added to the list of things he needs to worry about? Of course, his mouth and brain weren't in tune that day and said yes; resulting in Kousuke being Itachi's fake boyfriend and getting to spend his winter break with the Uchihas. How bad could this possibly get?

Warnings: Fluff, swearing, very awkward first impressions

“Date me.”

Kousuke frantically coughed as he tried to clear his throat after he inhaled a piece of rice. His friends at his table look over in concern and shock, not expecting someone to outright ask their friend out, especially in front of the whole school.

“I’m sorry, what?” His voice was strained, throat aching due to his violent coughs.

“Date me.” Itachi said with a straight face as if he wasn’t being watched by his classmates and some strangers in the cafeteria of their university. “I need you to be my boyfriend.”

This man had simply walked up to Kousuke’s table and asked, no, demanded for Kousuke to date him. Sure, Itachi was attractive and one of the top students in his year, but what just happened. Him and Kousuke hardly knew each other, let alone talked. The two of them only had two classes together, so why did he choose Kousuke out of all the other students in his school?

Kousuke’s face burned a bright red, feeling all eyes on him. This was definitely the moment he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole. How the hell is he supposed to respond to this?

He got up and took Itachi’s arm, hurriedly pulling him outside, not minding his abandoned lunch. The two of them ended up in an empty halfway, yet he still felt everyone’s eyes watching him. This was so embarrassing.

Itachi stood there in front of him again without a care in the world. Does he ever get embarrassed? Kousuke thought to himself, frustrated that he was the only one flustered. What is this man made of? Stone?

Itachi was the first to speak up after a minute of silence and awkward glances. Thank god, Kousuke rejoiced.

“So,” Itachi cleared his throat. “I need your help with something.”

Kousuke looked at him apprehensively, but was ready to listen. When he actually stopped to look at this man, he saw how nervous Itachi looked. He had been shifting his weight from his left leg to his right and furrowed his brows, trying to think about his next words.

“You know how winter break is coming, right?” Itachi started and Kousuke nodded, not sure where this was headed. “Okay, so here’s the thing. I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend and come with me to my house during winter break.”

Kousuke was relieved that he wasn’t being asked to actually date him and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Sure, Itachi was very nice on the eyes, but he’s way out of Kousuke’s league. Hell, Itachi was a home run compared to Kousuke as a single.

“Wait, why do you need a fake boyfriend? Why did you ask me? I hardly know you.”

Itachi thought for a moment. “Well you’re smart, and I thought you’d be able to play the part pretty well.” Itachi said as a matter of fact. “In our lectures, you hardly pay attention, but when you’re called on to answer a question, you always know the answer and act as though you were prepared.” He paused again, thinking over his words. “Honestly, it’s a no brainer when you think about it.”

Kousuke was stunned. Has Itachi paid attention to me this whole time?

“Okay,” Kousuke started, “But why do you need a fake boyfriend?”

A small frown formed on Itachi’s lips, and his brows furrowed, as if remembering the taste of something sour. This piqued Kousuke’s interest. “My dad has been trying to set me up with some family friend’s daughter for the past few years.” He shook his head and let out a small chuckle. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this. I just want to get him off my case for a little bit.”

Kousuke waved his hand, brushing off his apology. “Don’t worry. I’d be upset if my parents pushed stuff like that onto me, too.” His smile let Itachi relax, and he watched the tension leave Itachi’s shoulders, just a little bit.

The atmosphere between the two of them calmed ever so slightly before Kousuke spoke up. “What happens if I decline? What should I tell my friends?” He used his thumb to gesture back to the dining hall.

“You can just tell everyone you rejected my confession. No questions asked,” Itachi said with a small smile and looked away, cheeks brushed pink. Kousuke almost felt bad if he had to reject this man.

Kousuke contemplated for a bit, running a thumb and forefinger over his lips. “I’ll do it.” It was spoken so quickly that Itachi didn’t hear him. His head turned towards Kousuke quickly. “But-” Kousuke continued, “You’re going to buy me tea for the next week.” He finished with a cheeky grin that caused Itachi to shake his head laughing.

“Yeah, alright.” He conceded to Kousuke’s antics. “Give me your phone, and I’ll text you the details. We’ll leave this Saturday after finals end.”

Kousuke dug for his phone, unlocking it and then handing it over.

Kousuke sent Itachi a message after the black-haired man handed him back his phone and put it back in his pocket.

Kousuke: 12:27 p.m.

I’m looking forward to the tea that’s going to get me through finals week :p

Itachi shook his head as he read Kousuke’s message, but saved his number on his phone nonetheless. He hoped he chose the right person to help him out.

Itachi’s phone buzzed again, this time it was his friends asking him to join their study group to prep for their exams. “I gotta go, but thank you for helping me out.”

Kousuke shrugged while grinning. “I’m doing it for the tea!” He shouted after Itachi, who was walking down the hall.

“Oh wait! I forgot to tell you!” Kousuke called out to him. The ravenette turned around expecting something important. “You’re gonna have to work on the way you ask people out! ‘Date me’ isn’t all that charming!”

Kousuke let out a laugh when Itachi flipped him off, but his black-haired classmate was laughing as well.

The white-haired man walked back into the dining hall and returned to his friends. They immediately bombarded him with questions, but all Kousuke was focused on was finishing his food and tea.

...

Later that night, Itachi texted Kousuke. The light of his phone lit up from across the room, causing Kousuke to look up from the textbook he was writing notes from. He got up and heard his back crack as he stretched. He really needs to work on his posture.

Grabbing his phone, he squinted as the bright light stung his tired eyes.

Itachi Uchiha: 11:46 p.m.

I’ll pick you up Saturday morning. Be sure to pack things for two weeks and bring anything you need. We’ll probably have to share a room, but I can sleep on the couch. Don’t worry about Christmas presents, I've got it covered.

Good luck on finals.

Kousuke sent him back a message wishing him luck as well. He put his phone down and went into the small kitchen of his dorm to make himself some more tea. As he waited for the water of his kettle to start boiling, he let his mind wander. What did he just get himself into? Kousuke stood in the dimly lit, biting his thumb as he thought.

He wasn’t worried about Itachi being a creep or anything. Honestly, he knew Itachi was a good guy and had good intentions. Kousuke was mostly nervous about meeting Itachi’s parents. From what little he knows about them, he thinks they’ll be super intimidating. He just hopes he won’t ruin this and mess up.

The tea kettle’s whistle broke Kousuke out of his thoughts, just stopping him from overthinking everything. Kousuke poured himself another mug full and returned to his studies, thankful he doesn’t have a roommate due to his late night shenanigans.

A few hours later, he saw he had another message.

Itachi Uchiha: 1:12 a.m.

I’ll bring you the tea before the exam tomorrow

Kousuke: 1:54 a.m.

You really do care 😢

Kousuke: 1:55 a.m.

Thanks though

I really appreciate it

…

When Kousuke woke up the next morning, he had many regrets. Staying up late isn’t something he should do anymore, but he tells him that every time. It’s all worth it when he sees that cup of hot tea where he normally sits during his morning lecture. The same class that Itachi attends.

He sent a grateful smile Itachi’s way when he caught his eyes.

Kousuke sat his bag down next to his own chair before sitting down. When he lifted the warm cup of tea he saw a little note next to a few mini containers of creamer and two packets of sugar.

Wasn’t sure what you wanted,

I hope this works.

-Itachi

How was Itachi still single? This guy was too nice. Kousuke tried to contain his excitement, but he couldn’t help feeling guilty. He’ll have to pay him back some way other than pretending to be his boyfriend. I mean, it can’t be that hard to act like you’re dating someone.

Oh, if only Kousuke knew what lay ahead of him.

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 55

~*~Sebastian~*~

I stared at her. Stunned. I'm not sure if it's how the conversation went or she wants me and whatever comes with me. Emma is so intentional. Her words carry meaning. She wants to be clear and asks for clarity. This is heaven for my overthinking brain. I’m not stuck wondering what she means nor am I afraid to ask. Because I know she'll answer. Really answer.

"I've got eight years on you, how are you the more mature one?"

"Stabilizing influence and frighteningly direct communication of my second dad."

The expression on her face and deadpanned delivery had me laughing. "I can see that. I'll be the emotionally reactive one and you can be the calming one." Then I remembered. "Although, Eli did tell a story about you laying into some guy in Hawaii at a volleyball game. Ed dumped you in the ocean. I wish there was video."

"There is. You'll have to get dad to send it to you."

Tuesday was a good day. Workout was hard and my abs were already sore, but we'd laughed a lot. Good phone call with mom. The house had come together, she was enjoying some time in the pool, and she'd picked up some piano students. My afternoon was spent in my manager, Emily's, office. Mostly she and I, but a few conference calls. I was about to be busy. The next six weeks I was more gone than home. I was excited about the work. Excited to see friends.

Admittedly, the timing wasn't the greatest, new relationship and all, but I was confident we'd figure it out. This is different. I'd like to say it was because my previous experience is whining and bitching about me being gone so long, knowing I was going to pay for the distance, and trying to front-load my leaving to make it more palatable. While all of those all true, the actual difference is I care. The emotionally unavailable hot and cold thing comes into play here. I put up a wall to block the whining and bitching, not really listening, because it's my job. Bitching at me isn’t going to change anything and I’m not going to feel guilty for doing my job. Well, I do, but it just pisses me off because I shouldn’t.  The expectation of gifts, dinners, or a vacation to make up for being gone made those a lot less fun. And I was never successful at cramming a bunch of stuff in before I left, because my work didn't start when I left. It starts weeks before. I don’t leave for filming for a month, but I’m already prepping: gym reading, watching things, research, and studying the script. I get pretty singularly focused. I don't know any other way. And when pushed I shut down. I don't respond. I brood. And I appear cold. None of this is right. Some just is. Some is my fault. Getting to where I didn't care about her (any of the previous hers) feelings and concerns with me gone was a side effect of shutting down and I regret doing that. It wasn’t that I didn’t care about her feelings. It was feeling ineffectual to do anything about it and my self-protection kicking in. Looking back, saying effectively “deal with it” was incredibly insensitive. Not proud of it.

But now, sitting here looking at my schedule I’m finding places I can find some time for us. We’ll figure it out. I can tell you what won’t happen. Emma won't whine where I block her out. She's not going to emotionally blackmail me for things, which will make me want to give. And she’ll leave me alone to prep, let me bounce things off her, or cook something to remind me to eat. I need all of those. I care how Emma's going to feel about me being gone. I care about what we’ve begun and how we'll keep in touch. I also know that while I'm away she will carry on living the life she had before she had me and be just fine.

Emma had practice tonight and a game tomorrow. It was after eight when she called. She was in a tank top and her hair was wet from her shower. I caught up on her day before leading into mine. "I have good news and bad news."

"OK." Emma drug out the word, wary of my response.

"When I get back from Canada, I've got some time to spend with you. Then I’m gone for the month of July. Fashion show, audition and meetings, comic con, then filming in Rome." Playing off last night’s conversation, I added. "I'm not expecting a bad reaction."

"Well, that's good." Her hand moved toward the screen and I chose to believe she was touching my face. "I'II miss you, but I’m excited for you. And me getting to hear about what you're doing. Living vicariously."

I'd had some time to think. I had a lot of thoughts on plans. This was the soonest.  "You get back Tuesday, doubleheader Wednesday, and I get back late Thursday. What's your weekend look like?"

"Empty. I'll come to you. You'll barely be home if you come here. I can come anytime Friday. I'll be done with work except maybe packing up my room. I can do that whenever."

"Early Friday. Thursday night." I wanted to maximize our time. "I have to do some work."

"I can amuse myself."

"Maybe the shop you liked so much will be having a sale?" I laughed at the way her eyes lit up. "July fourth weekend I'm at a fashion show. Wanna go to Paris?"

"What?" Her face moved closer to the screen. I’d surprised her.

"Not necessarily Paris, but near. The third is the show. Have you been to Paris?"

"Family spent the summer in Europe when we were thirteen. Then Pearl Jam tours. Love Paris."

"Not much more than a long weekend, but museums and I'm sure we can find some romantic Paris shit to do."

"I would love to go to Paris with you."

That was good because I'd already made reservations. "California for about two weeks then straight to Italy for at least that. Depends on how long shooting takes. Hopefully back in time to join you in Chicago. Then nothing until the end of August. Will and I had been talking about a group of us going away. We were waiting for my schedule. What do you think about a group trip and we stay a little longer or go off alone? It would be a beach somewhere."

"You going to rub sunscreen on me?"

"Um yay, part of my volleyball job. Beer bitch and sunscreen applier."

“I’m in."

"End of August is a Disney thing. Labor Day weekend is the Toronto Film Fest. Little stuff in there, nothing big. No idea past then."

She laughed, eyes wide, and moving her head in all directions "It's crazy like a tour schedule. I'm jealous. I love touring."

"I thought about Rome, but the schedule's tight. You wouldn't see me."

"I wasn't trying for an invite. I'll get some of my summer PD hours done so I won't have to worry about them. Make sure I've got time for us."

I leaned back on the couch, "That was easy."

She glared at me. "I thought you weren't expecting a bad reaction?"

I shook my head, "No, no, I wasn't. Just an observation. Thought I might have to talk you into the beach." I held it a second before smiling, "Not really. I do know it’s a lot."

"I will always go to a beach."

"You’re not allowed to play volleyball."

"Did you get the video from dad?"

"About an hour ago." I'd enjoyed it several times. "You're a feisty little thing."

Wednesday was a day of pictures and texts. After the gym, I settled in my extra room to prep. I had my laptop on the table, a stack of books on top of my script, and a huge bottle of water. I took a picture and posted it to Instagram along with one of me with a pencil between my teeth and pulling my hair.

Emma ~ How'd you get a picture of your expression during your last blow job?

Sebastian ~ Hidden camera in bedroom. You should see the other things I have. Coupling Season 1. "The Cupboard of Patrick's Love."

Emma ~ “You really don't have enough blood for both ends of your body, do you?"

Sebastian ~ Very good, Sally.

 Love that she can quote one of my favorite shows.

After lunch, Emma posted a picture of her in the middle of a group hug with her students. "I'll miss my munchkins.”  I sent a sad face emoji.

Then I fell into a hole. I got pulled into my research and reading and the next time I picked up my phone it was one a.m. I need time like this and put my phone on do not disturb. The only thing that comes through is two calls from the same number within a few minutes. Anyone important knows how to reach me. Emma knew, but she didn't. Not even when the Demonic Crickets won their game. She posted several pictures, but I got a much better one in a text. Emma with her back to the camera in her team tank, arm up flexing her bicep, and her looking over her shoulder smiling at me. The gold flecks in her eyes were sparkling and the darker ring made the green more intense.

Emma ~ Hope you're getting a lot done. Internally anyway.  XOXO

Sebastian ~ * 12 hours later * Yeah, I did. I'm hungry. Congrats on the win. Picture is beautiful.

Sebastian ~ You're beautiful

 Her thank you came while I was working out. After a shower, I fell back into my hole until it was time for therapy.

I'd been seeing Celie for a long time. Frequency varied. She had a dark brown bob, glasses, and a round face. At this point, I could read her as well as she could me. If she was looking at me over her glasses, she thought I was full of shit. No words needed. She was about ten years older than me and her style worked for me. It was a great one-sided friendship.

I took my regular spot on the blue couch, "How are you today, Celie?"

Celie smiled. She had the unconditional positive regard thing down. I say that, but she does genuinely like me. Most of the time. I can be a pain in the ass. "I've had a good day and after you I get to go home. You seem to be in a good mood. Tell what's going on with you, Seb."

I was always her last client of the day. Sometimes I needed more than an hour. "I am in a good mood. I met somebody. Last time I saw you I was going to help my parents move. I met Emma there. In a grocery store, if you can believe that."

"Sounds like you can't."

"I asked her to dinner in under fifteen minutes."

She widened her eyes in disbelief. Exactly my point. "Did you? Good for you, Seb. A complete stranger. What led you to ask her out?"

"I was all covered up and she tells me I looked like a rehab patient checking into the clinic up the road. But she was kind to me. A sketchy stranger. She didn’t know who I was until we were outside and I introduced myself. She helped me find the things on my list and we chatted." I put my hands in front of my chest, fingers splayed. "She felt good. I didn't know why, just enough that I knew I wanted to know more.”

“And what do you know now?”

I spent the next several minutes telling Celie the salient points. We’ve been doing this long enough that explaining isn’t necessary. She’ll recognize why things are important. My face hurt from smiling after I was finished talking about Emma. I stopped short of the whole conversation on Sunday.

“Besides the obvious early relationship high, how are you feeling about all this?”

“Good. Happy. Hopeful. The only concerning thing was Saturday I woke up from a night terror, panic attack. I got myself calmed down pretty quick, wrote for a while, and once Emma got up I went for a run.”

“Even with being happy, there’s been quite a bit of emotional activity. I’m pleased that you’ve only woken up once. Much better. What do you suspect triggered you?”

I took a deep breath, “Emma and I wound up in this conversation Sunday afternoon. A couple of my friends at the party had told her I wasn’t acting like I normally do with women, but more like I am with friends. This led to a conversation about my relationship issues. I’m not the same with her. She really doesn’t know that version of me. I think that’s why I had the anxiety. It was the night after the party but before the conversation. First time we’d been around my friends. I think it was not because I’m scared, but because I’m not. Like you said, there’s been a lot of emotional shit going on and I’m good. Remarkably good.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“Emma is different. She’s incredibly kind and is . . . gentle. Not weak though. She’s strong.”

Celie shook her head, “When I think of gentle people it’s a combination. They can be painfully truthful, but their manner makes others able to listen. They have a compassion for others.”

“Exactly! I noticed she knew everyone. She talked to everyone and used their name. I asked and she said she looked at their nametags and you never know what someone’s day has been. That might be the first nice thing that’s happened all day. I know it’s a little thing, but it’s her. She’s like that with me. She doesn’t try to talk me out of being anxious or overthinking. She doesn’t think my insecurities are stupid. They’re all just part of me.”

“She accepts you.”

“Right. The more we got to know each other, the more we talked, I felt safe. She doesn’t do those things I usually shut down over. I don’t feel the need to protect myself. She’s very different.”  Celie was looking at me over her glasses. Uh oh. “You’re giving me the look.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Why?  I thought I was doing good. I asked out a stranger and got this amazing woman.”

“Sebastian, as quick as you are to fault yourself, you’re slow to take credit.”

“Take credit?” I didn’t know what she was talking about.

She leaned forward, putting her elbows on her knees. “You think this relationship is different because of Emma. You lucked out and met an accepting, kind, gentle person.”

“Yes. No. Both. Emma is different and she makes me different.”

Celie made a loud, jarring beeping noise. This was new.

“Ok, I guess I’m wrong.”

“You are. Not completely. You’re not giving yourself enough credit. Any credit. You’ve worked very hard. You’ve read. You’ve journaled. You’ve talked. You’ve done things I’ve asked you to even if you didn’t understand or want to. I’ve seen you grow. To give responsibility for this relationship being different all to Emma is dangerous. What’s going to happen when she falls off this pedestal you’ve put her on? Is that going to be an excuse to shut down and protect yourself? Fall back on old habits.”

I could feel my eyebrows pulled down and the scowl on my face. “So you’re saying this isn’t as good as I think it is.”

“Not at all. I’m saying it’s got as much to do with you as it does her. Previously you would have never asked out a woman you met in a grocery. But that seems to be the furthest you’re going with how you’re different. I do not believe for one second that no other woman you’ve gone out with has been kind and accepting. Or would have been if you would have been able to show them you.  You used to do things to test them. You’d say or do things to see how they’d react. As we’ve talked, you weren’t being real, so you don’t know that their reactions were.”

I nodded then looked down, “I know. Pretty manipulative.”  I felt Celie’s hand on my arm and looked back up. Her face was very soft with a smile.

“Stop, Seb. You need to be proud of yourself. You are doing things differently. You have learned from your past, grown, and come a long way in accepting yourself. Warts and all. You have shown Emma who you are, even the parts you don’t like so much. She can have credit for how she’s responded to you, but you deserve the credit for being brave enough to show her in an honest and authentic way. That allowed her to respond in an equally honest and authentic way.”

I grabbed a tissue from the ever-present box on the table and wiped the wet from my face. Neither the first nor the last time I’d cry in this room.

"If you had met her even a year ago, with her exactly as she is now, this relationship would be very different."

"The wedding."

"Excuse me?"

Yeah, non sequitur. "I was supposed to go to a friend’s wedding last summer but didn't because there was a change in my shooting schedule. Emma was at the wedding. You're right. Had I met her then," I shook my head. “I wouldn't have been ready for her and now could have never happened."

Celie shrugged, "Probably not."

I sniffed and wiped my eyes, "How do I get her off this pedestal I’ve put her on?"

"You seem pretty smitten. Maybe not take her off, just lower it a little." I laughed and she went on. "What you do is own your part. You have been making choices to improve yourself. You have been making choices to go out of your comfort zone. And you have been making choices to let her know you. Emma's been making similar choices to be with you. I'm sure you know what she's come through to be where she is. It seems like you complement each other. Recognize this is both of you waking up and choosing to be with each other. Talk and negotiate what that means. Tell her what you want. And when you're not talking you listen. Listen to what she needs from you. The most important for you is to keep processing the feelings with her. She's the only one who can help those make a picture. And you need to give her the same gift. She has things she’s not so proud of and afraid for you to know about her. We all do. You will need to accept her and treat her with gentle kindness she gives you.”

I was crying again. "She told me. I told her she was different than the others. She asked if maybe I was different."

Celie snickered, "I like her."

"You would. She speaks therapy."

"I want to be very clear, Seb. She sounds wonderful and she may make you better. You sound wonderful and I bet you make her better too. That’s how it should work in a relationship. You help each other along. It takes two people with self-awareness making choices to do what it takes. You both have to choose growth, honestly, humility, vulnerability, and sacrifice. I hear you holding up your end. I’ve not heard you do this before. And while she may be the right woman, you've become the right man. Please, please, do not underestimate how much work you've put in to become the right man for another person.”

"I want to go home and cry for an hour or so."

"I wish Emma was here for you."

I shook my head with a grimace, "It's going to be ugly until I get it out."

"Yes. I think Emma would want to be there to hold you and you'd find more acceptance and comfort in that than you can imagine."

At home, I grabbed a beer, sank down in my favorite chair, and cried. I felt everything all at once but fought to untangle the threads. Sad was remnants of the past and dissipated quickly. Its friends regret and shame fought a little harder to stick around, but they were toxic and needed to go. Pride and relief were together too. Celie was right. I had worked hard. An infinite number of hours had gone into figuring myself out. There have been so many times I thought I'd be stuck forever. Sometime in the last two years that I've been without a girlfriend, all the work must have come together. In the last two years I've been filming almost nonstop. Five movies have come out. Two of which were Marvel circuses. It's like all the therapy (and the work that goes with it) knitted me back together while I was busy filming and living my life. Celie had told me to trust the process. I couldn't rush it or make changes happen before it was time. Patience. I am inherently impatient. Pride was for the work. Relief was for seeing results. Finally.

Next was happy. I’m in a good place. I'm excited about the movie I’m making. I have supportive, fun friends, and a loving family. I don't need a girlfriend to be happy, but one does bring everything together. I like having a person who is mine. Mine in the sense of us experiencing life together. The good and bad. I like that. I want that. And now I have it. The beginnings of it, anyway.

After I pulled my shit together, I wanted to talk to Emma. I wanted support. Maybe not support, but I felt raw. I wanted someone to soothe the raw nerves, to sit with me while all this new stuff integrated. I wish she was here. What I needed was a hug.

Sebastian ~ Can you talk?

I don't like that I asked. It feels insecure and I have zero reasons to feel insecure. I quickly decided to cut myself some slack.

My phone rang and I connected to FaceTime. "Hey." Her bright smile and obvious happiness to see me did wonders to soothe those raw nerves.

Emma's face went from a smile to wide-eyed concern. "Sebastian, what’s wrong? You look like you've been crying. What happened?" Before I could answer, she jumped to a correct conclusion. "You had therapy. Good, bad, or cathartic tears?"

"Mostly the last one."

Her hand went to her chest, "Ok." She picked up what I assumed was her iPad and crossed to the chair in her bedroom. I could see her pull her knees up when she put her feet on the ottoman. She rested the iPad on her knees.

"Mostly a repeat of what we talked about Sunday. Celie said I wasn't giving myself enough credit for the work I've done. My growth."

As Emma had alluded to the same thing, I expected a smile or some acknowledgment of her asking if I was different. Instead, I got, "What do you think?"

"I think I still need to work on not being so hard on myself." I smiled because that statement was me still being hard on myself. "When Celie pointed out how I've changed I could see it and was proud of myself. I can’t see it on my own yet, but I'll get there. I never thought anyone would get past my walls. It wasn't someone getting in, it was me getting out." More goddamned tears.

Emma reached out and touched the screen. "I‘m so happy for you. Proud of you too."

Her words felt like a hug. Close enough for now. "Thank you."

"I know you're a grown man, but I wish I was there. Crying alone sucks."

"Oh," I laughed a little, "the chances of us having a messy reunion are high."

"Why?"

"A lot of you and I talk today. I know me, it's gonna hit me when I see you."

"I should warn you. I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence."

I smiled at her exaggerated southern accent with the "Steel Magnolias" quote. "See ... gonna be messy."

[profoundgardenertree-blog]

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RELATED QUESTIONS: 

Insurance deductibles -- when to pay? (and other insurance questions)?

So I am no long part of an california HMO plan, so now I have to get insurance on my own. Problem is that I am making about $800 / month (part time work) while going to school full time. Both my parents are on government low-income plans, so I cant put them as primary policy holders while I get student rates. One question I have about deductibles is when to pay it? For example, a plan that has $1,500 deductible / $0 doctor visits, do I have to pay the full value of that office visit to the doctor? Or will I have to pay $1,500 straight out to the insurance company and then funds will be used accordingly? What about $1500 deductible / $30 co-pay doctor visits? If I pay $30 to the doctor, will this credit towards the deductible? Or will this plan only hit me with the deductible for $1500 when I go to the hospital? Or will the insurance company want it upfront? Final question is: for a 21 year old student that is about 5'7, 230 lbs, non smoker, rarely drinks, what do you think would be the correct rate? So far I am getting estimates of $60-300, depending how big of a deductible I want to put down. Actually, one quick question: opinions on Kaiser Permanente anyone? I know most people i've talked to complained about slow waits and etc, but i'm leaning towards it because of good coverage for the cost -- but is it really worth it? I know this is quite a lot to ask, so if you don't feel like answering, at least point me to an informative web site?""

If i pay more of a down payment on my insurance will i get a lower premium?

Cost for the car im looking at monthly is $398, they want a $401 down payment, if i pay $501 will it take it down?""

""Looking in to new Auto Insurance, with country insurnace and financial services?""

My boyfriend and I live togeather and have three vehicles, a Mazda Car, Dodge Truck and Yahama Street Bike we both have insurance policys with State Farm and we both are very happy all our insurance policys are seperate The car in my name with my agent the truck in his name with his agent and the st. bike also in his name and then i have a renters insurance policy just in my name. when his work started a 401K with Country Insurance they met with us and went over alot of services they offer and they did up a quote for our auto insurances and renters insurance which put the Mazda and Dodge togeather and both our names on the street bike and renters insurance it was much cheaper then what we pay state farm and we were both very happy with the agent and felt we'd have a good relationship with her... I'm just curiose if anyone has had or has Country insurance for the auto insurance and if they are happy with them?""

I need cheap insurance thats reliable?

In San Diego

""When the term is up on term life insurance, what happens to the money you paid? do you get it back?

im in my early twenties and im looking for life insurance outside of my job. i want to know if you sign up for term life insurance and the term is up what happens with the money you've paid? or is it just better to sign up for whole life insurance?

Will my Insurance go any higher if paid off by Collision ?

I bought my Acura in 2006 and have been in mint condition since then. Recently, the snow plougher scratched my car and didnt leave a note. I called the manger of the snow plougher and filed the police report. He took the responsibility but during the report he said that he will give the name of the driver and vehicle later. After few weeks when I didnt hear I called the manager and he said his company will not cover anything and I can do whatever I can.... I called my insurance company and they are willingly to cover through my insurance - Collision, instead of comprehensive. The repair is $2000 + rental car for 9 days ~$2500. My deductible is $100 for collision and $50 for comprehensive. Do you think if they use Collision my insurance rate will go higher ? [Ofcourse I dont have any choice at this time. my insurance company said they cannot file a lawsuit or anything against the snow plougher company]""

I'm looking for decent but affordable health insurance that includes maternity...anyone know of some?

I'm looking for decent but affordable health insurance that includes maternity...anyone know of some?

How do i add my name to someone else's car insurance?

A friend of mine is willing to teach me to drive in their car. I know you have to add your name to the insurance but don't know how to or how much it will cost. Any info will be greatly apprieciated thanks

What cheapest car insurance with no down payment?

Only company I know of that doesn't charge down-payment or upfront fee is geico. Anyone know of any other ones?

If My Mom has insurance coverage can i still get insurance with her if i own my own car?

ok so my mom has car insurance on her car, but she was telling me she registers my car under her name that the insurance will cover me and the car. But if the car is under my name can i still get insurance with her??""

I have cancelled my old insurance with a company and i need a renewal notice to get cheap insurance.?

i have called the old company is asking me why i need the renewal notice from them. they told me they have put it in the post but i did not receive anything. the only mail i received, was the sorry to see u go mail the next day after i cancelled the policy. With the notice i can show i have a 6yrs no claims discount. How do i get the old insures to send me the notice with the no claims or do i just tell my new insurers to contact the old ones. Please this is urgent. Serious answers only""

Cost estimate of motorcycle insurance for female?

I'm 18, female, live in Colorado, with a clean driving record and no bike yet. I'm thinking about a Kawasoki Ninja or Sportster. I cant find insurance estimates! Can someone help me figure all this stuff out? What I need to get and how much its going to cost me?""

How much would (teen driver) insurance cost?

I was wondering how much car insurance would cost for a teen driver? Info: Black Grand Cherokee (if that matters) Male 17 years old. 3.5 gpa

I have a friend who say he knows a guy who works for a car insurance company and can guarantee cheaper quotes?

Does this sound normal for staff to be able to do this as I have had a similar offer from someone else a while ago. I am just worried that they may set up a policy but when I go to make a claim its not a real policy or something. Please note it is a significant discount as well and he can also get me quotes on cars I wouln't otherwise get insured on as a normal customer All sounds a bit to good to be true!

Cheapest car insurance for 17 year old?

i need cheaper car insurance because most quotes are coming out at like 4 grand and i dont have that kind of money. the car is a 1.2 55 reg corsa, does any one know a cheap insurance company? cheers""

How much would this car insurance cost me?

how much would it cost for a 17 year old to be on my mom insurnace for a 2004 bmw 320d

A question about gender and insurance?

I know guys pay more for car insurance, but on average how much more a year? and according to this... http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/health/did-you-know-women-pay-more-for-health-insurance-302611/ women pay more for health insurance?...but does anyone know why or how much more?""

How many times a day are you asked Are you paying too much for car insurance? Subliminal advertising?

Is this some form of subliminal advertising? Do you think Sprite is involved some how?

Can somebody find me a really cheap insurance company that would cover for like everything?

I need to find an insurance company offers really low price plans that cover as many things as possible, becos we can't spend too much money but I need to find my mom an affordable insurance plan...help, i dun know where to find it.""

Bike insurance on a r6 in the uk?

ok so at the minute im banned 23years of age my ban is up next year so will be 24 when im looking to get insured im not even going to atemp to drive a car i know it will be to dear but have rode bikes my hole life so a big bike head would love to be leagul on a r6/zx6r 600cc sports bike does anybody know what it would cost me for a year for insurance serious answers please no idiots thanks

""How much would it cost me for motorcycle insurance in toronto, ontario?""

I'm 16, going on 17 in march, and have my G1. I have a 1984 Honda cm250 custom that has been sitting in the garage and I've decided I'd like my M1 as well. Before I get it I was interested in how much I would be looking at paying for it per month/year. It would be used for pleasure, to get to and from school, and the odd day to go driving, probably less then 12 000km a year. If there's any info missing I'll gladly add it in. Here's all the info on the bike: Years Manufactured: 1982 - 1984 Category: Classic, Custom Engine & Transmission Engine Displacement: 234.00 cc (14.28 cubic inches) Engine Type: Four Stroke Twin Horse Power (kW): 17.00 (12.4) @ 7500 Compression Ratio: 9.4 : 1 Compression Pressure: 170.7 psi (12.0 kg/cm2) Bore x Stroke: 2.09 x 2.09 in (53.00 x 53.00 mm) Valves Per Cylinder: 2 Fuel Control: OHC Ignition System: CDI Cooling system: Air Gears: 5 Number of Plain / Friction Plates (cutch): 6 / 6 Transmission Type / Final Drive: Chain (1982, 1984) Belt (1983) Weight (including oil and gas): 317.5 lbs (144.0 kg) Top speed: ~75 mph (120 Km/h) Fuel Efficiency: ~50 mpg, city (21 Km/L) Engine & Transmission Front Wheel Dimensions: 18 in Rear Wheel Dimensions: 16 in Front Tire Dimensions: 3.25S18-4PR Rear Tire Dimensions: 110/90-16 59S Front Tire Pressure: 25 psi (1.75 kg/cm2) Rear Tire Pressure: 25 psi (1.75 kg/cm2) Rear Tire Pressure (>200 lbs): 32 psi (2.25 kg/cm2) Front Fork Travel: 5.5 in (140 mm) Front Fork Oil Capacity: 4.56 fl oz (135 cc) Rear Fork Travel: 2.9 in (75 mm) Front and Rear Brakes: Expanding Brake (hub) Engine & Transmission Spark Plug Type (NGK / ND): CR7HS / U22FSR-U Electrical System Voltage: 12 volts Alternator Output: 190 watts @ 5000 rpm Fuel capacity (total): 3.3 gal (12.5 lit) Fuel capacity (reserve): 0.4 gal (1.5 lit) Oil Capacity 1.6 qt (1.5 lit)""

How much will my liability insurance be a month?

I'm buying a 1996 Mitsubishi eclipse gs and I'm a 16 year old girl. I'm completely paying it off. So roughly how much will my insurance be a month? Any tips for a first time car owner?

Who hates Health Insurance?

On the infrequent occasions when I need to see a doctor, I pay cash. Which I'd have to do even if I had health insurance because of the ridiculously high deductibles. I dont even know why i have it. I pay too much money. A friend recommend me a pharmacy Online I will be trying that. They have very cheap prices. am sick of giving out my money. Do you guys think i will save money with Medicines mexico Online Pharmacy?""

I am looking for health insurance for my 9 year old son and i?

in the state of tennessee. any suggestions for max coverage, min cost and no hassles. we were on cigna with my wife but she is now on disability, brain cancer and cobra is killing us. thanks and merry christmas.""

How much would car insurance cost for me?

i'm a male, 17 years old, live in nj, no accidents/traffic violations, vehicle is a jeep wrangler from the 80s or 90s, i have state farm now""

How much does Mexican auto insurance cost?

I live in the U.S. and 'm going to be renting a car in Cancun for about a week on vacation so I am wondering how much an economy car or a van costs...?  There is going to be six of us so either 2 economy cars or 1 van/suv.

Who offers the cheapest life insurance?

Who offers the cheapest life insurance?

Car Insurance. I've been in a car accident and need advice. Please helppp!!!!?

I got into a car accident, and am dealing with both of our car insurance companies. I was not at fault or ticketed. I need advice. They are telling me I must pay my deductable, and receive it back later. Same with the rental car! But I don't have the cash to do all this? Please, offer advice!!!""

""In NC, do you have to be added to the insurance to get the license?""

Also, do you have to pay a single yearly fee for insurance or is there a monthly rate?""

Whay is insurance? why is it necessary? types of insurance?

i need more about insurance. what is assurance?principles of insurance?

Insurance Quote on WRX for 19 Year Old?

Hi im just curious if anyone out there could tell me what im probably going to be paying for a 2009 Subaru WRX. Im 19, male, and in my second year of college no tickets only one accident which WASNT my fault. Progressive wants to charge me $466 a MONTH. car would be payed off after 1 month and i live at home with parents HELP ME!""

Do you all have health insurances?

I mean what is a health insurance? more info please thanks

Car Insurance in CA with AZ vehicle?

Ok so I have a multi part question. My dad is about to get his car reposed. He lives in Phoenix AZ and obviously bought the car there. Its not under his name yet cause hes still paying for it. So he wants me to take over the payments and give me the car. I live in Los Angeles. So my question is, can I get insurance here in Cali even though its a AZ car and its still under the peoples name? If not, he can get insurance there. Also, isn't there a period of time an out of state car can be here being out off state still? What should I do? I don't want to get all sorts of fines or tickets. Thanks in advance""

How much would my insurance be?

I'm thinking about buying a 2000 Dodge Intrepid R/T. I'm trying to determine if I have the money, though, and I'm not sure how much my insurance would be. I'm an 18 year old female, I'm a student and I work part-time, and I have a squeaky-clean driving record. Can somebody please give me an estimate of how much my car insurance payments would be? Thanks!""

Mobile home insurance?

i am thinking about buying a 2008 single wide mobile home that is in a lot in a trailer park. anyone have a guess on what insurance might a month?? or do i need it?? Thank you

Does any one know a really cheap car insurer for young drivers?

i need insurance quick. does any1 know areally cheap insurer?

How much will Liability Car Insurance Cost For A 20 year Old Male?

Im going to get a car soon, something 2004 or older.""

G2 Insurance?

I'm working on getting my G2 license, but once I get it, will I have to get insurance? If I'm not driving, nobody would ever know that I don't have insurance, right? I want to have my license so that when I *can* afford insurance, I'll be able to drive.""

""CHEAPER for car insurance, a Acura rsx 2006 or a Honda Civic coupe 2010?

im just trying to save up the extra money

Are VW Polos quite cheap to insure?

I'm looking for my first car, and I know which cars are cheap to insure, but was wondering whether VW polos are cheap to insure, as I seem to be getting quotes ovr 2000 for majority of the cars I'm browsing. I know that polo's are fairly cheap and reliable and I love them :) Thanks.""

""Car insurance, i am confused ?""

basically i think i will be driving around around 20 miles a day possibly 24 miles a day depending on traffic. If i times this by 5 it will be 100 miles a week or 120. if i times this by 52 for the whole year it will be 6240 miles driven a whole year. So why the fucccckkkkkkk when i type i am driving 100 miles week in the insurance calculator they estimate i will be driving 26,000 miles a year ???? Who is correct? i am confused, this is important because i got quote for 1700 a year for around 6000 miles.""

Help finding a car insurance quote?

I'm doing a project for my economics class where I have to pretend to be a 22 year old living on my own and make a monthly budget for myself. I have to find a car insurance and health insurance quote, but everywhere I search asks for personal information and has to search through my records and credit to give me the right quote. I'm only 17 so they wouldn't find anything on me. I need it for a 22 year old making 27,000 a year. Please help me! 10 points to the best answer :)""

""Is it cheaper to be put on your parents car insurance, or get your own?""

I'm 16 and I need car insurance, would it be cheaper to be put on my parents, or get my own entirely?""

Does a driver under 25 in the state of NH need car insurance? if they live with parents?

i know nh drivers don't need car insurance, but does a driver under 25 that lives with parents need car insurance?""

Average car insurance for 17 year old male?

An average second hand car, In the UK.""

Why did my insurance company call me?

I received a call today from my JOB PROVIDED Health insurance company. The representative asked me a number of questions about what I have done about my epilepsy and what medications I am currently on. Why did they call me? My mother said that they do this to determine if they are going to drop you or not. Can they drop me even though it is provided threw my job?

Insurance for a honda civic?

I am 16 years old getting insurance for the first time got my licence a week ago never driven on it.....i want the simplest insurance ever something that will let me drive my car legally

""Car insurance, sports cars, young drivers?""

I'm looking into a 1996 Mitsubishi Eclipse when I turn 18 for my first car. Does anybody have any idea on how much I'm looking at insurance wise per month? Other cars I'm also looking into are Firebirds, Camaros, Eagle Talons, Mitsubishi 3000 GT Is the insurance for these cars going to be the same amount?""

Car insurance for men and women?

I passed my test Feb 2011 I've never had a car due to high insurance, so I did i check and went through a quote and mine came out at 3500 for a one liter x reg then I went back thrpugh and.just changed mr to miss and it went down almost 2000 then changed the date to a women just passing her test and it came out at 2600 why's it so high for men, and wasn't it ment to be changing to male and female having the same insurance?""

Can your car be towed if you have no insurance?

Can your car be towed if you do not have insurance on your car? I was in an accident where the other car did not have insurance on the car that was not his. The police gave us a ticket, which it was our fault, I'm not denying that, but the police drove off not having the car towed . It kinda makes me wonder if the cop let them go with no ticket or anything.""

Liability insurance rates?

I am trying to figure out what it will cost me to have liability insurance on my company. I am the only employee. I only need it to setup a stand on occasion at different locations. I don't know what a general rate would be, so if anyone could give me an idea, that would be great.""

How much does Mexican auto insurance cost?

I live in the U.S. and 'm going to be renting a car in Cancun for about a week on vacation so I am wondering how much an economy car or a van costs...?  There is going to be six of us so either 2 economy cars or 1 van/suv.

Health insurance question?

can your parents drop your health insurance he your not 26 yet????

Too much to pay for car insurance?

I received my renewal notice today from my insurance company. I'm getting tired of paying so much for my insurance, I think its time to start looking around. I heard all the car insurance myths, when you turn 25.. Itll go down when you bundle your house & car insurance it'll go down when you get married it'll go down nope nope nope It has gone down a total of MAYBE $5 a month or $60yr. I'll be 29 in Jan, no accidents in 8yrs no speeding tickets in 5yrs. I drive a '06 4dr car and I'm paying $125/mthn insurance. Is it just me or this way too high to be paying insurance.... I've been with this company for close to 6yrs now.""

Buying a car v.s buying car insurance?

My father doesn't have credit history because he never used credit card or anything. My credit is way better than him. I'm getting an car loan but worrying about the insurance problem. I'm only 21 in college my insurance will be extremely high so i'm just wrondering can i buy a car with my name and buy insurance with my dad's name? Are we allowed to do tat?

What is the cheapest car insurance?

28 yr old. Just need a car that runs for two years. I want to insure it the bare minimum for the cheapest price. What car is the cheapest to insure? Lets say I bought a 95 civic dx, what company is the cheapest to get insurance from? anecdotal experience is fine. Thanks""

Do I need car insurance in Florida?

I passed my 4 our class on drugs and alcohol. I'm waiting for my certificate to come in the mail so I can go to the DMV and get my learners permit. Do I need insurance even though I'm not going to be driving my own car? I'll be driving my friends car. Sources? What's the cheapest insurance for a 16 year old male? Name of insurance and cost? Why would I need it if I don't even have a car and I'm driving my friends car?

Anyone know of affordable dental insurance for western Ky? ?

i need to have dental work done, but no insurance.""

Teenage insurance discounts help!?

Is there a difference between the discounts for insurance for someone who has an a average compared to someone who has a b average?

Which car insurance companies offer temporary insurance?

I'm a 20 yr old male that has had his license since age 18 but has never been insured. My mother would prefer to simply add me on hers, but her insurance company does not offer temporary insurance, which is what I need since I will be going back to school in late September. Which car insurance companies offer temporary insurance (3 months)?""

Heallth insurance for the self employed?

I need dental and health insurance for an affordable price. I am unmarried.... what can I do? who offers it? how much will it cost?

""Buying moped, cost, insurance rate from ICBC?""

I want to buy a moped for to and from work What should I have to spend for a good 50cc What will ICBC charge on insurance per year, it will be a second vehicle if you can call it that lol""

Insurance company lawsuit?

If i were to sue a persons insurance company, without taking any money out of their pockets, can their insurance company sue me or them to get their money back?""

Car insurance i need it so what are some cheap ways of getting it?

OK i an 17 year old and i just got and 1987 mercury cougar and i been looking around for car insurance and why do all of them want like 406-719 a mouth!!!!! that is crazy what should i do i need car insurance to get a license plate so what are some car insurance for a 17 year old cheap i can get o yea my dad said hes not putting me on his policy so now what

What is the most popular and best auto insurance broker in NYC? Any recommendations? What is the advantage?

By best, I mean the lowest priced rate they can come up with. What is the advantage I get going to a broker instead of directly going to a popular auto insurance company? Thanks a lot.""

Car insurance - Seonnd driver ? How does it work?

I have just got my full UK driving license. I am looking to buy a car. I know that if I buy car the insurance right now will be high as I am 23 years old new driver. I was told to put the car on my auntie's name and get insurance as second driver. But does that mean that my auntie will have to pay for her insurance too as the main driver?!? She already has her own car & insurance will she have to pay another insurance if I do put the car on her name and be second driver? Please let me know Thanks K

What kind of affordable health insurance plan is there for small business owners?

I have a friend who is in the process of moving to Tx and is looking to start his own business but is hesitant because he has a wife and two kids and does not know what to do regarding health insurance.

How can i find good affordable insurance?

How can i find good affordable insurance?

""Court date for driving w.o car insurance, what are my likely outcomes?""

I got tagged for driving w.o car insurance in January, now I got a letter in the mail to attend court in a week for the incident. I live in MA where it is illegal to be uninsured and by law your registration also expires as well. I've already been towed and got my car back, now I just have to attend court. Any ideas what's going to come out of this? I have a perfectly clean driving record.""

What are the typres of car insurance available?

explain various types of car insurance and what they cover.

How much will my insurance rise?

I recently got a speeding ticket for going 9 over in a school zone as well as one for talking on a cell phone in a school zone. I was curious as to how much my insurance will rise. I am 18 and recieved the ticket in Texas. This is my first offense(s). How many points for insurance is a cell phone ticket? Thanks so much!

If the 30 million uncovered Americans can actually afford Health Insurance but choose not to buy it?

What will the Government be paying for exactly? Poor people already have coverage and the rest can buy their own. Where does the cost to the taxpayer enter the equation?

Cost of Car insurance for new driver 30yr old Female?

Hi am about to start lessons on learning to drive, and was wondering if anyone knows the cost it would be for car insurance for a new driver annually, car will probably be 1.4, I am female, 29/30 years old. Thanks""

I am 16 and need tips on insurance and a car....

I am 16 years old and I have no job currently but I am getting one this week... it is half way through summer holidays and at first I was just going to drive my dads car cause insurance alone for me is 3800$ year because my dad is a single parent. But going into grade 11 I want to drive a car and I seen a beater for about 500$ volkswagen still running good, but Is it true that you need to put down a quarter or half of the insurance to start off? What do you think I should do about any of this ..... thanks""

Provisional insurance to full licence insurance?

I'm 18 years old and I am 2 (and abit) months away from taking my driving test. If I take out provisional car insurance can I change my insurance to full once I have passed my test? The reason why I want provisional insurance is because I heard it was cheaper, then once I pass my test I would only have to pay 10 months of full licence insurance, correct? But anyway how much it cost me to increase my premium from provisional to full licence insurance?""

How Much Will My Car Insurance Payment Increase After An Accident?

I got into my first car accident today that was my fault I am 17 years old and I have full coverage on Geico insurance I was wondering on around how much will my payment increase after the accident? There was no damage on my car but the other persons car had a large dent on the right side of his front bumper.

Car insurance question?

I'm gonna ask my dad to add me as a second driver on his car insurance etc. In order god him to do that I think I need to be insured but how can I get insurance if I do not own a car. How does t it work?

How much does Mexican auto insurance cost?

I live in the U.S. and 'm going to be renting a car in Cancun for about a week on vacation so I am wondering how much an economy car or a van costs...?  There is going to be six of us so either 2 economy cars or 1 van/suv.

How does having a salvaged title affect insurance?

Does it cost more? My dad told me that you're unable to get full coverage with a salvaged title.

Who has the cheapest insurance for a motorcycle?

I'm purchasing a sports bike soon but don't know where i can find the cheapest insurance for it. If you know please share. I live in NJ.

How much do you spend on car insurance for your new 2006 Sonata ? I pay 116 a month am i being ripped off?

I have a 2006 Sonata by hyundia and i pay 116 a month

How much would insurance cost for a '92 ford thunderbird?

How much would insurance cost for a '92 ford thunderbird?

Whats a cheap car insurance company i could try??! other than quinn any recomendations?

see above :)!

Car Insurance - How much of my premium would I get back?

Hi everyone I live in the UK and I insure my car with Direct Line. I have never had any issues with them before apart from now that I have a new car. I have several years no claims for my driving, most of which are through policies with Direct Line. However, the first 2 years I was driving I was with another insurance company and gained 2 years no claims with them. When I took out my latest policy with Direct Line after buying a new vehicle they said they needed to see proof of my no claims. I contacted my old insurance company who sent me a letter confirming these years and I sent this to Direct Line, they said they never received it so I requested another letter and sent this one also but via Recorded Delivery. It is now a month on and Direct Line are claiming they haven't received this one either although proof of postage and tracking shows it was signed for. I wish to cancel my policy with Direct Line and was wondering how much of my policy cost I would be entitled to receive back from them. Many thanks""

How much would car insurance be for me? I'm am 16 years old and get overall good grades.?

Some other things that might help are, - 16 year old Male - It will be under my parents credit/name ( They have Allstate ) - I would be driving my dads 2004 Ford Explorer (Once in a while his 2011 Nissan Altima) - Like I said, overall good grades - I live in Tooele Utah Please give my positive answers! Thanks!""

How much is aaa liability cheapest insurance for a 3rd car?

If I currently have a 2009 ford taurus and a 2003 toyota camry with full insurance for 2000 a year how much extra is it to add insurance for a small, cheap used car (2001 toyota corolla) for just liability rather than full coverage by AAA? Is it going to be cheap as in 200 dollars a year extra or even no extra cost? Thanks""

Can anyone tell me the average price for car insurance?

i would like a very low price range with a website to prove it

Is it true that most Americans that have health insurance are getting it from the federal government or their?

state? If this is true why not have affordable health care for all. We can't all work for the federal government or for the state we live in. Most companies can't afford ...show more

When renting a car are you expected to provide your own insurance or is it included in the rental price?

I am thinking about renting a car for a few days. I no longer maintain car insurance since i got rid of my car 6 months ago. When renting a car do they provide your insurance for the time your renting it or are you expected to provide your own? it been a long time since i ever had to rent a car.

Will a speeding ticket make my insurance go up in texas?

i got pulled over when i was 4 hours out of san antonio tx on my way to corpus and i dont have to make a court appearance nor do i have the time cuz i hafta pay my ticket by the 20th of this money. i called the court and they said all i have to do is just pay the ticket. i don't want my parents to find out of they'll flip out. Will my insurence go up? how can i stop it?

How much do you need to pay for car insurance in NY?

I dont have a car and dont know anything about car insurance, just want to know the basics.""

Where to get really cheap car insurance?

i live in ny, i have a 1998 Honda accord lx, quotes from the big name insurance companies is 250-300 dollars a month, which i can afford, but its really cutting into my income, is there anywhere i can get insurance for like 150 a month, i only want state minimum required insurance liabilities""

Does anyone know what the average car insurance is for a 2003 g35 coupe iam 18?

i also live in maryland

What to do if someone doesn't want to use car insurance to pay for accident but pay privately?

Someone just rear ended me. There are deep scratches on the bumper. He has car insurance, but doesn't want to use it. I got most of his information - driver's license #, car insurance info, ect. What are the steps I should take? My car insurance company said I have to call in and report accidents as soon as they happen. Should I do this in case he doesn't follow through and pay me for repairs? Should I go get an estimate right now, and have him send me a check?""

BEST CAR INSURANCE?????????????????????...

Generally, which car insurance company has the best price for full coverage for a 19 year old female. I know many things can change the price, but I just want a general quote. note: I want to insure a 2006 traillblazer, 4-door with 18,000 miles.""

Insurance for a 16 year old in California?

i was wondering how much insurance would be for me. I was looking for a 92 Camaro or a 98 Camaro, v6 or v8. i also have a 3.29 GPA. i am 16. and also is it cheaper if the cars are older? thanks.""

Getting car insurance on a learner's permit?

i'm 22, living at home but my parents don't want me on their policy and won't let me drive their cars. so i've got to get my own - my question is, how do i get car ...show more""

Cheaper car insurance ?

Which insurance companies out of the major ones have you found that are the cheapest for a 19 year old on their own policy?

""50cc Scooter, insurance?""

Hi, I have just passed my CBT for a 50cc scooter and hold a provisional licence for the UK. I am 16 and passed the CBT on 24th August. I am looking to buy a 49/50cc scooter but I have found that the insurance is extremeley expensive. I have looked around and filled in quotes from comparethemarket.com and the Post Office but the insurance I want (third party fire and theft) always seems to come out at around 300 a year! I know that some people pay only 50 a year for their 50cc insurance. Does anyone know where to get a better deal? Or does anyone have any tips? Thanks""

First time car insurance help?

I was trying to find out how much it would be to insure a Fiat Seicento Sporting for a 17 year old girl (first time driver)? I can't look on insurance websites because you have to enter details about when you passed and I haven't yet I just wanted to know if I would be able to insure it in a few months????

""Non owner SR22 insurance, a cheap website?""

Non owner SR22 insurance, a cheap website?""

""Which company offers the best health insurance policy in Delhi, India?

I want a health insurance as it saves tax. I am 21 Male

How much will a teen pay for their own car insurance?

if its a used car that is completely paid for.

How much does Mexican auto insurance cost?

I live in the U.S. and 'm going to be renting a car in Cancun for about a week on vacation so I am wondering how much an economy car or a van costs...?  There is going to be six of us so either 2 economy cars or 1 van/suv.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/do-i-need-permanent-address-get-car-insurance-register-ethan-moore/"

[blogdangerousobjectcollecto-blog]

What insurance companies offer the best rates / coverage for Martial arts classes?

"What insurance companies offer the best rates / coverage for Martial arts classes?

What is out there and about how much does it run?

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolution.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Are insurance rates different for a lifted Toyota Tacoma rather than a normal one?

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Survey - Are you in good hands?

Survey - Are you in good hands?

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Should I be put on my moms car insurance?

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Car scratch - insurance rates?

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How much would getting a motorcycle and insurance cost?

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""HOW MUCH WILL INSURANCE COST ON 1997 1.2 LTR, 3 DOOR, 57000 MILE COST?

THANKS FOR ANSWERING BEFOREHAND

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What makes car insurance cheap?

What makes car insurance cheap?

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In the spring of 2009 I was convicted of a DUI. I plead guilty, served my time and I was able to get it expunged through the court system. So now if you look at my record on the superior court website it shows dismissed rather than guilty. I was wondering if my actual DMV driving record still shows it as a guilty plea and my insurance rates will remain high?""

Can i own a car without insurance?

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Teen car insurance question?

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How do you get proof of car insurance without a car?

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How do I get my insurance lower?

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18 year old new driver? Best/cheapest insurance companies?(uk)?

18 year old new driver? Best/cheapest insurance companies?(uk)?

Cheapest place to get motorbike insurance?

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What insurance companies offer the best rates / coverage for Martial arts classes?

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Do I need to change car insurance?

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No Insurance. Car damaged. Should I call the insurance company?

OK This is really hurting me because some jerk hit my car in the parking lot ( I don't know when) and when wake up in the morning and see my car it is damaged. My problem is I don't have insurance to the car and my car registration has expired too. (I rarely use my car because I have a work truck). I dont know what to do. Should I call the cops? or just forget about it for now and get the insurance upto date and call the insurance people after some days. Please help.

What is the cheapest insurance out there you think?

Whats your insurance company and how much you pay a month?

How do I get cheap insurance?

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Insurance for a 1994 camaro?

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What is the Average Cost of Term Life Insurance?

What is the Average Cost of Term Life Insurance?

Temporary car insurance?

Car insurance for travelers

Im Looking for cheap auto insurance in NJ?

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E&O insurance?

Any suggestions on where or from what company I can buy affordable E&O insurance? I'm in GA with a soon-to-be life and health license.

How much would I pay for my yearly motorcycle insurance?

Thank you for your time. I am a 18 year old freshman university student living in Canada and I am really interested in buying a new motorcycle. I recently got my M1 and I will be going for my M2 next, so I am still kinda inexperienced. I looked at a few motorcycle websites and a couple of them read that motorcycle insurance is affected by age, experience, driving record, bike engine, etc. I figured that a medium sized engine probably wouldn't cost too much so I looked at a bike with 600cc. I am not worried about the initial cost of the bike since my scholarship money out-pays my tuition and housing by an excess of $4000. Also, I have had no history of accidents in cars or anything. I was wondering, based on my history and my status, what would be a good approximation of the yearly insurance I would have to pay given that I am a student and I am looking at a 600cc bike? Any input is appreciated.""

Sports cars with cheap insurance?

I am 16 and I am looking for a sporty looking car, with good horsepower, but that wont kill me with the insurance rates like Mustangs, Camaro's and Trans Am's would. Any suggestions?""

Cheapest car insurance for speeding violations.?

I'm 20 and a male

Let's not have universal health care but just make health insurance more affordable?

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What insurance should i buy?

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How much does insurance cost on a 1988 mustang gt?

I'm 20 and was wondering how much it would cost. I have a clean driving record, and I live in California. I already own a 2000 mustang v6 and it's a little expensive on liability only. Will the 88 gt be more expensive than the 2000 v6?""

Newborn Baby Insurance?

I recently found out I am pregnant, luckily I am currently covered under my father's insurance still but I need to get insurance for my baby once he or she is born. Anyone have a good idea as to were I should go. I believe I won't be able to file for Medicaid which is perfectly fine just curious what other mother's or fathers have done.""

What's your monthly car payment? And Insurance?

I'm interested to see what people pay for their cars and car insurance compared to me. I'm a single 28 year old female living in a city. (RI) I pay $282 for a new Jetta lease and insurance is $157 per month. Just seeing if this is the average.... I'm also moving to NY suburbs and am considering changing my insurance, anyone know if I can do this if I own a home in RI still? RI has month to month sales tax, but has higher insurace premiums and NY wants sales tax up front, but NY suburbs insurance costs half as much as what I pay now. I wonder if its worth it to switch states???""

""Does the Pass Plus, bring your car insurance down, if so how much?""

my daughter has just passed her driving test and is now looking to buy her 1st car, so will the pass plus bring the insurance down""

Mexican car insurance?

If I drive into Mexico, do I need to get insurance for my car from a Mexican insurance company or is the American insurance valid there as well?""

Texas driver got speeding ticket in Washington state? Will my insurance know it?

While on a business trip I got a speeding ticket (5 over limit) in Washington state. I live in Texas and my license is issued by Texas. If I pay this ticket, ticket says it will go on my driving record. I assume they will send it to Tx. In that case, would my insurance rate increase because of this out-of-state speeding ticket? I am ok with paying the ticket, but I don't want to see my insurance increase. What are my options? Should I hire a traffic lawyer in WA to get rid of the ticket? Again, I live in Tx! Any re ommendations for me to get this issue resolved without insurance getting the ticket info.""

""When people stop buying insurance because of cancellation and non affordable to renewal,will insurance co. go?

broke.

Can the auto insurance company pay me directly for my medical expenses or do they have to pay the doctor?

I was in an auto accident and I have medical insurance. My medical insurance covered my medical expenses; however, I wanted to know if the auto insurance is still liable for those expenses? It seems as if my having medical insurance should benefit me and not the liable party's auto insurance company. If I did not have medical insurance the auto insurance company would still have to pay for those expenses. So shouldn't they still have to pay for those expenses and I get what ever is left that my medical insurance company did not pay? Are there any laws statures that back this up in Georgia? I am trying to settle this claim without getting an attorney and I need all the help I can get. Any advice would be helpful. I am in the process of writing a demand letter. Thanks for all the help.""

If the point in my license won't affect my insurance rate?

I received a traffic ticket for not stoping at a stop sign. I registered and took traffic school I also Completed it. I followed up with my court and my case was dismissed but, I wanted to know if the point in license would be gone ?""

My job doesn't offer me any insuance - what's the best affordable health insurance I can get?

My job doesn't offer me any insuance - what's the best affordable health insurance I can get?

What's a cheap car insurance company for drivers with alot of points.?

What's a cheap car insurance company for drivers with alot of points.?

What insurance companies offer the best rates / coverage for Martial arts classes?

What is out there and about how much does it run?

Car insurance? Audi a3? Finance?

I'm 17 and looking to pass my test by October when I will be 18. Now I went into an Audi garage and they said I could get a a3 on finance when I've passed my test and I'm 18. But I'm just wondering how much would the insurance be? Would they give me a deal or could it be cheaper on my dads? Thanks. Btw I've never had a car or insurance before

Is this a good world to bring a child into?

I sometimes worry about having kids due to the world going down hill, theres so many bullies and bad people out there,i dont think I can handle my children getting hurt by someone or bullied,also how much will car insurance be in 18 years, a 19 year old at work keeps getting 5000 quotes for 1.1 cars,id like some opinions on this as me and my wife are planning to have kids soon,am I worrying about nothing or does anyone else feel like this?,i want my kids to have a nice life.""

What is The Best Life Insurance Policy?

What is The Best Life Insurance Policy? I am Looking For the Best Life Insurance Policy We are having another child and I have to do something about not having any life insurance Can I get A free Online Life Insurance Policy Quote somewhere. Thanks for your time

Cheap auto insurance for a new driver?

Are there any auto insurance companies which offer rates to their younger customers at anywhere between $100-$250 a month? I've been looking around and every insurance company I check with wants to charge me $500-$900 a month, which is ridiculously out of my budget. It would end up costing more in a year than I plan on spending on my car in total and more a month than my family is paying off on our few year old Kia Soul. I'm aware that having a newer car like a Soul raises my insurance prices, but I don't want to buy another, hopefully crappier, car until I'm sure that I can pay insurance to drive it. Does anyone have any ideas or suggestions?""

How much does insurance on a 66 mustang cost?

I'm looking to buy my first car and i dream of buying a 66 mustang that i've fallen in love with only thing is i have to pay for insurance and im wondering how much it might cost. I'd be added onto my parents insurance (i'm not sure the carrier) but I am a female and 18. How much do you think it would run me?

Insurance for a jeep wrangler?

I really wanna buy a two door hard top keep wrangler. I was just wondering roughly what would my insurance be like. I have never gotten in an accident or in trouble with the law, I have good grades, took a drivers Ed course and I'm a girl. Anyone know how much the would be? Roughly""

California speeding and no proof of insurance ticket?

It was dark and raining. I just came off the bay bridge in SF and am positive I was driving below 40 on the bridge and between 40-60 when I got off the bridge. The cop was on 80E past fremont exit. He said I was at 67 in a 50 zone and also did not give me enough time to look for my proof of insurance. He said lets make this easy and quick and cited me for speeding and the no proof of insurance as non-correctable. It this accurate? I don't think his radar reading is accurate. How can I challenge this?

Homeowners Insurance in Florida?

I am looking to buy a house for the first time. Insurance seems high in Florida. Does anyone know what a possible insurance price would be for an 1800 sqft ranch with a pool? I have seen over 2200 a year!

I want to buy a peugeot 106 1.1 zest. How much would the insurance cost? All serious answers are welcomed.?

I am 21 nearly 22 with no claims, points or convictions""

What is public liability insurance? where can i get one?

im applying for business permit and one of the requirement is public liability insurance.

""Male vasectomy requirements in california,and does cigna cover it?""

i want to get a vasectomy,made up my mind 100%,main reason is cuz i don't want to end up a financial slave to any women,and would relieve alot of stress from my life.i am 24,from california,never had any kids,can i just go up to the doctor and tell him that,or do i have to stretch the truth and make up a story like i have 2 kids somewhere in mexico or something like that?i make about $24,000 a year.i know they also charge for vasectomies based on your income.also does cigna insurance cover it?""

Im turning 16 and i was wondering waht my insurance rates will be?

What are the average insurance rates?

""How can i get umbrella liability insurance,without home insurance?

I only have fire insurance.please help.urgent.AAG

What would the price be like to move to central california?

Just wondering as I would like to move to central california in the future. Is it very expensive to move from the UK to central california? What are the housing/apartment prices? Doctor fees? Ect.. Please help :) thankyou

What does depreciation cost mean when it comes to home insurance?

filed a claim to replace my floors.getting a check in 5-7 business days.it says i have 180 days to replace the floors,to cover depriciation cost.what does that mean exactly?""

Why is my home insurance quote so high?

I am buying a home next month and have been shopping for home insurance. The cheapest premium I've been quoted is 1,800/year. I have done research and it seems most people pay 600-1000/year. I have never owned a home (so no claims) and I have never used my renters insurance to file a claim. I'm 26 with a 710 credit score. The home is 2300sqft and I am asking for 250,000 in coverage. I even raised the deductibles to see if that would lower it, which it didn't really make a huge difference. Any ideas?""

Can the auto insurance company pay me directly and not pay body repair shop?

So about 3 weeks ago some guy backed into my car and it was his fault... His insurance company said take my car to a body shop repair and they will pay the repair shop only.. I wanna take my car to different shops and get few estimates and have the insurance company pay me.. I wanna decide weather to fix the car or keep the cash (maybe sell my car and get a better one)... It's my car and I have the title for it.. Why should the damn insurance company control what to do with own my car or control how the repair process goes!!! it's a 1995 nissan 240sx... Please tell me if I can make the insurance company to write me a check. thanks!

Is it possible to obtain a learner's permit without having my parents' insurance rates go up?

I am a 16 year old in NY and my parents do not want me to obtain a learner's permit because they are afraid that their insurance rates will go up and they cannot afford it now. Now, a friend told me that I could go to the NY DMV without my parents and get a learner's permit. Is this possible? I would like a learner's permit not only for the ability to drive, but also as a solid form of photo ID (like, instead of a passport). What should I do about this? PS. My parents won't be convinced.""

""Worried about getting insurance for a car, when i have bad credit!?""

Is it right that in the UK, some insurance providers can refuse to give you insurance if you have a bad credit rating?? I'm panicing that i wont be able to get insurance when i pass my test!!""

Would insurance be higher on suv/truck or car/sedan?

For example Mitsubishi Montero Sport vs Volkswagen passat, Nissan maxima, or Mitsubishi galant.""

How much on average do you pay for auto insurance?

My mother is kicking me off her auto insurance and i can't get an online quote because she also took my car away but says i still need insurance to drive any car. She lies sometimes so idk what average insurance cost and idk how to get it without having a car to put it under?

Is it Ok to buy insurance for me and let other people buy the car?

It is cheap to buy me insurance, so I am just wondering if I can buy the insurance and let other people to drive the car.""

Can you get a quote for car insurance before you pass your tests?

No insurance companies will give me a quote for car insurance so i was thinking that you may not be able to get a quote before you pass your test? someone help!!! PLEASE

What is the best medical insurance company in illinois?

What is the best medical insurance company in illinois?

Where can I find the cheapest insurance for young drivers?

I am looking for the cheapest insurance for young drivers in United Kingdom. I am 18 years old and I am planning to buy a car. I have been looking for an insurance for Golf Mk 4 1.9 TDi which costs up to 3000 but the cheapest insurance I could find was also over 3000 up to 5000. Tell me the cheapest you know, please. I have a full UK license.""

What insurance companies offer the best rates / coverage for Martial arts classes?

What is out there and about how much does it run?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/car-from-2003-17-year-old-female-driver-insurance-average-noena"

[tebbyclinic11]

Obsessed: Garrett Oliver on Brewing Better Beer

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Obsessed: Garrett Oliver on Brewing Better Beer

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[Photographs: Vicky Wasik, except where noted]

Editor’s Note: Welcome back to Obsessed, the interview series in which we talk to uniquely driven amateurs and professionals from all across the food world. We hope to shed light on the passions that inspire enthusiastic food nerds, from home cooks to chefs on the line to veteran butchers, fishmongers, and farmers. Hopefully we’ll also pick up some of their favorite tips, tricks, and food wisdom along the way. Know somebody who you think would be perfect for this interview series? Email us!

For many people now reading this, Garrett Oliver doesn’t need an introduction. As the brewmaster at Brooklyn Brewery, Oliver has for decades been one of the strongest and most eloquent advocates for the craft beer movement. While his primary passion is beer and its brewing, Oliver has impressively expansive tastes and a seemingly perfect sense of taste memory, a combination that led to the publication of The Brewmaster’s Table: Discovering the Pleasures of Real Beer With Real Food in 2003, in which he makes the convincing case that food pairs better with good beer—or “real beer,” as he calls it—than with wine.

Oliver went on to edit The Oxford Companion to Beer, a task he undertook in large part to share what he’d learned over the years, although he describes it in more selfish terms. As he put it to me: “I ended up doing the Oxford Companion because you get more out of most things by giving them away than trying to hold on to them.”

And, of course, all the while, Oliver and his crew over at Brooklyn Brewery have been busy making a whole bunch of real beer. I spoke with Oliver both over the phone and by email, and, though our (very long) conversation ranged across many subjects, we’ve managed to pare down and isolate all the bits that are about beer.

[Photograph: Matt Furman]

Name: Garrett Oliver

Age: 55

Day job: Brewmaster, Brooklyn Brewery

Instagram: @igarrettoliver

Facebook: facebook.com/GarrettOliver

Twitter: @GarrettOliver

What is your earliest memory involving beer?

Garrett Oliver: My uncle Bill drank beer and favored Miller. I’d constantly ask to taste it, and he’d turn me down. One day, when I was 12, I asked and he handed me the can. I took one swig and spat it out into the lawn. It was pretty awful, in a way that sticks with you. The old cans seem to have had a definite flavor to them, so the beer was grainy in a bad way, and it was metallic at the same time. Not a pleasant combination. I wasn’t at all interested in beer for quite a few years.

After my grandfather died, I found out that he’d home-brewed during Prohibition. Unfortunately, he passed before I started home-brewing—it would have been a cool thing to share with him.

I read that you studied filmmaking in college, as opposed to anything related to brewing beer. What was it that drew you to filmmaking?

GO: I’m a very visual person, perhaps something I got from my father, who was an art director working for a top advertising agency. He was an old-school “mad man,” and in those days, storyboards and other visual designs were drawn by hand. I didn’t want to be in advertising, but I did want to be involved with design.

Do you think your interest in filmmaking and your interest in design have any connection with what you do now?

GO: Oh, absolutely. In fact, in a certain weird way, I feel they are essentially the same thing. If you think about film, you can be a film director and direct a summer blockbuster. You have good actors, and the actors’ teeth are all shiny, and the car chase happens, and the cars look great. It’s a film that looks great on the screen—the car chases are executed perfectly—but there’s no real heart to the script. Everybody’s just phoned it in. It can be technically brilliant, but when you leave the theater, that’s two hours of your life that you’ll never get back, and you say to yourself, “Why did I think that this was going to be something that I wanted to see?” To me, that’s what mass-market brewing is like. There’s all the money and all the technology, but the actual aim is so insipid that there’s really nothing there but money, in the end.

On the other hand, when you’re watching student films, you might see flashes of brilliance, real heart, see that someone’s poured their soul into a film, but the lighting is no good, and the sound sounds like it was done in somebody’s bathroom. The person has something to say, but they don’t have the ability to say it.

To me, the balance that a great brewer should have would be to have both—they have to have something to say and the ability to say it. I think there are probably only a few brewers that I know who can really do that, and I’m not claiming myself as one of them.

People will say that Anheuser-Busch can’t make beer. Well, that’s not true; they can make beer the same way that there’s a lot of musicians that can make music. Kenny G can play the saxophone. It’s not like he can’t play it; it’s just that you never in your life want to hear it. He has skills, but there’s no soul in it. That’s why no one that I know, anyway, is ever going to mention Kenny G as a great artist. Does he have chops, can he play? Of course he can play.

I guess that’s kind of, in a way, part of what makes craft beer. I think the spirit of American craft beer is so strong partially because we all had other lives first. We had other intentions, we meant to do something else, and then we basically threw it away for love. And that is what takes this from a job into a movement. Almost everyone gave up their degree, whatever they got their degree in, and had to go back to their parents, probably, and tell them, “Guess what? You paid for me to go to college, et cetera, and that degree in whatever I got—I’m not going to do that. I’m going to go make beer.” Believe me, 20 or 30 years ago, that wasn’t exactly a cool-sounding thing.

There is an actual, rather stringent definition of craft beer, isn’t there?

GO: To me, there are many definitions of craft beer. Now, the craft beer definition you’re talking about, which is promulgated by the Brewers Association—a lot of craft brewers don’t agree with that definition. It’s a rather complicated, almost legalistic definition. I think, in certain ways, people are asking the wrong question. The Brewers Association—I don’t blame them. In order to defend and promote something, you have to actively define what you’re defending and promoting, especially as a nonprofit organization. So they had to basically make this Frankenstein monster of splitting hairs about who was going to be a craft brewer and who wasn’t. But craft brewing, to me, is the product of an individual vision, one that’s trying to make something beautiful. And that’s what really distinguishes craft beer from other beer.

An actual auteur is trying to make something that is going to move you and has a meaning to it. I think that you can be a huge brewery and still be a craft brewery at heart. You can be a tiny brewery and have sold out at the very beginning. It’s not necessarily a matter of size. It matters what your intention is, which is a thing that you can’t really put down on paper, which is almost impossible to define, but it is one of those things that when you see it, you know it.

I think at your average craft brewery, there are at least some people, whether they’re beer geeks or not, who know who the head brewer is. If nobody’s ever really heard of the brewer, you can be pretty sure that’s not a craft brewery.

Were you a beer drinker in college? What was your preferred brand or style? Was it something that you paid much attention to?

GO: Basically, we drank pretty much anything in college. So-called “cocktails,” like Long Island iced teas, screwdrivers, kamikazes, the works. When it came to beer, to tell you the honest truth, when we had a little extra money, we bought Budweiser. Budweiser tasted like water, but the other stuff was genuinely nasty: Knickerbocker, Haffenreffer, Mickey’s Big Mouth…awful stuff. Sometimes we’d find a bottle of Guinness and spike three or four Budweisers with it; that was about as good as it got.

In your book, you have a very evocative description of your discovery of “real beer” in London after college. What year was that? You say in the book that you thought, upon your arrival, that it seemed appropriate to mark the occasion with a beer. Do you think you can recall the way you thought of beer before that pivotal first taste of real ale? Was it just a beverage you drank as a matter of course when celebrating?

GO: My first real beer was truly astonishing to me. I wasn’t even sure I liked it, but it was definitely one of the most interesting things I’d ever tasted. We drank beer in college any time we went out, which was pretty much every night. But we never truly liked it, or at least I didn’t. I didn’t actually like beer until I moved to London. That was 1983, and then in ’84, I traveled across Europe and discovered that the world of beer was larger still. But I was only slightly geekier about beer than my English friends…everyone I knew there thought that cask-conditioned beer was awesome. I’d never seen a “beer culture” before, but England definitely had one.

When you started home-brewing, you say in your book that it was mostly because that was the only way to taste the flavors and kinds of beer you had experienced abroad. What kind of resources did you have to work with? Where did you turn for instruction and guidance about brewing beer?

GO: My only resources were Charlie Papazian’s book The Complete Joy of Homebrewing, and, eventually, my fellow home brewers. It’s hard for people to imagine it now, but this was more than a decade before the internet. I bought ingredients from a place called Milan Labs, in what would later be called Noho, at the edges of the East Village and Little Italy. They had sold winemaking supplies to Italian immigrants for generations, but by the ‘80s, their old customers were gone, and they turned to beer. They knew nothing about brewing, and they weren’t interested, but they did sell the equipment.

How did you find like-minded home brewers back then?

GO: I’m pretty sure it was a classified ad in a newsletter put out by Peter Kump’s New York Cooking School, which became the Institute for Culinary Education. Somebody bought an ad saying that they were looking for other home brewers. We coalesced around Brewsky’s, a bar on East 7th Street, down the block from McSorley’s. In those days, it was one of the very, very few places that carried relatively exotic beers. This was in 1987 or something like that. In order to tell everybody when our meetings were going to be and whatever else, it was all done by mail, which sounds crazy to us now.

What did you all do at these meetings?

GO: What it was was pooling shared experience. You might hear about the American Homebrewers Association, and then you’d say, “Oh, I should join that,” and then you’d start getting their magazine. You might see some old brewing books, but there weren’t many home-brewing books around at all at the time. You’d get advice from home brewers, or, occasionally, from a professional brewer, about how to improve your beer. “Clean stuff in this way, rather than in that way,” or “Don’t add such huge amounts of sugar.” You might go to a meeting, and you’d learn one thing, one small-seeming thing, but it would kind of change the way that you did everything.

What was the first beer you brewed?

GO: My first home-brewed beer was a pale ale called “Blast.” It was loosely based, at least in my mind, on Samuel Smith’s Pale Ale, a favorite for me in London. Unfortunately, I followed the instructions in the home-brewing kit, which called for large amounts of white sugar. The beer had some nice flavors, but was marred by an acrid, cider-like tang. I later learned that the white sugar was the culprit; the instructions were really for making cheap beer, not good beer. The home-brewing kits were all British, and the British could all get good beer at the pub. I got pretty good quickly, though.

Do you think that serious beer aficionados (or beer snobs, as some might say) get a bad rap?

GO: I think pretty much all rabid fans of pretty much anything tend to look and sound ridiculous to other people. My eyes roll when I hear people talking sports stats, for example. People seem threatened, though, by any sort of connoisseurship of anything, and I have little sympathy for that attitude. People are having an awesome time with whatever thing they’re into…what does that have to do with you? You can learn to love that thing yourself, or you can roll your eyes, but actually worrying about someone else’s fandom is bizarre. No one should care that I think being rabid about corporate sports teams is ridiculous…and I don’t care that they think my devotion to craft beer is ridiculous.

I know you got into a bit of a back-and-forth with David Chang in GQ about bad beer. What would you say to someone who insists that all they want out of a beer is that it be light and insipid? Would you try to change their mind? How would you go about doing it?

GO: If someone actually wants something insipid, and they know that it’s empty, I’m not trying to talk them out of it. All I can do is tell them, “You’re missing a lot of great stuff, and that’s a shame for you.” If they show any interest, then they don’t need to know much to really improve everyday life. I mean, I don’t eat mac and cheese out of a box anymore, or white supermarket bread, or standard supermarket cheese. I escaped those things at the very first opportunity, and I’m not even slightly nostalgic for them.

What do you think defines a “good beer”? Is it dependent on styles? Or is there a common rubric you use when judging beers?

GO: Structure, balance, elegance, and deliciousness. That’s what I want, each and every time.

I don’t think many people think of beer that way. Most people are thinking of beer as a refreshment that rinses down hot dogs and potato chips. You’re not looking at the Budweisers of the world and saying, “Hey, that would make a nice food pairing.”

“Balance” really means you don’t want one character within the beer to overwhelm everything else—screaming bitterness without any sweetness or malt character, sweetness that doesn’t have any acid or bitterness to play against it. And I think it’s possible to overdo almost anything. We see this in food, where somebody might use so much coriander that you can’t taste anything else.

That kind of leads to the idea of structure: A beer has to be put together in an interesting way. The experience of drinking a good beer, it’s like a short story. It should start off interesting, it should stay interesting through the middle, and it should finish satisfyingly. If it can’t hold your attention in some way, shape, or form, it’s probably not very good. It’s tricky, and I think it’s true of any kind of food or any kind of drink. That’s one reason why I wrote The Brewmaster’s Table in a very different kind of form than you often see. It’s written as a form of experience that’s not static or dead on the page, because the way you actually taste things is not in a millisecond. Flavor happens over time, and it happens in a certain way. So maybe something tastes sweet up front and then dries out. We’ve all had dishes that, at first, you eat them and they don’t seem hot, but then they get spicier and spicier and spicier, and two minutes later, your mouth is on fire. We have also eaten dishes that start off really, really spicy, but then five minutes later, you’re fine. They’re completely different kinds of chilies or balances or whatever else, and if you’re going to talk about that dish, you have to talk about what it did, not just what it is.

What about elegance? What is elegant about a good beer? Seems to me that it might be a maker’s value, or a brewer’s value, and, say, the random beer drinker from off the street wouldn’t taste a beer and say, “Oh, that’s elegantly done.”

GO: For me, elegance is similar to balance. It’s a matter of seeming effortless. Balance, structure, and elegance are different ideas in my mind, but they’re certainly interrelated. The random beer drinker might not put it in these terms, but I think people know elegance when they get it. One of the tricky things in making everyday beers is that it’s not hard to make a beer that is impressive at the top of the glass. The first sip of an okay beer generally tastes pretty good, especially if you’ve had a long day. But the question is: What does it taste like when you’re three-quarters of the way down the pint? If you can be really impressive there, when the person who’s drinking it is already looking forward to their second pint of the same beer, now you’ve got something. I can’t tell you how many dishes of food or how many beers I’ve had that start well, but by the time you’re three-quarters of the way through, you’re already tired of it. It just doesn’t come together a certain way.

If it’s a beer at a bar, what you want as a brewer, from a commercial point of view, is, somebody goes and gets a Brooklyn Lager, and what they get next is another Brooklyn Lager. You don’t want them to say, “Well, that was fine, but I’m going to have something else,” or “I’m going to have a margarita.” That’s a failure.

How do you go about developing new beer flavors?

GO: Ferran Adrià broke this down fascinatingly in his book on culinary creativity. Basically, and this is a great simplification, he said that there are four levels of creativity: (1) Copying. You do what you were taught to do, exactly how you were taught to do it. (2) The “twist.” I take standard pale ale and perhaps add vanilla or orange to it. Different, but not really groundbreaking. (3) You invent a new flavor or use a technique that hasn’t been seen before, resulting in a unique beer. (4) You invent a technique or idea so fundamentally powerful that a multitude of new beers can be created from it. On the culinary side, Adrià’s invention of stable alginate foams is a good example. Once you know how to make stable foam, you can then make foams out of almost anything. That’s the highest level.

We practice all four of these forms, and each has its own validity. And frankly, most people never get to level four, and if you do, you’re lucky to get there even once.

Can you talk about the variety of yeast strains you use in the brewing process? What are the most common strains? What are some uncommon ones?

GO: We’ve used dozens of strains over the years. Various Belgian strains (we were very early to those—we were making saisons in the ‘90s, when very few people had even heard of them), German lager strains, weissbier strains, and “wild” yeast strains, like Brettanomyces.

There are two main families of brewer’s yeast: the lager yeast, which is a cold-fermenting yeast, by and large, and ale yeast, which is traditionally a warm-fermenting yeast. From a flavor point of view, lager yeast tends to be very direct and leave you with ingredient flavors. So when you taste a pilsner, for example, you taste malt and you taste hops. You don’t taste that much else that the yeast gives you. It’s not like the yeast is giving you nothing—there are some subtle things that it does—but an ale yeast might taste like oranges or, in the case of wheat beer, it might taste like bananas, cloves, and bubblegum. For a lot of these warm-fermented beers, the yeast flavor is as important as the original ingredient flavor. With lagers, that doesn’t tend to be the case.

So then, when you use wild yeast strains like Brettanomyces, you do it because of the unique flavors that they can give to a beer?

GO: Exactly. In some ways, Brettanomyces explores, in its flavor profile, the funkier side, if you like, of flavors. They run a huge gamut, from smelling and tasting kind of like different dried fruits and cinnamon to, at the bad end, smelling like sewer gas, or smelling like Band-Aids, or any number of other things. The really tricky thing about using these yeast strains effectively is finding the right strains and controlling them to give you the good stuff rather than the bad stuff.

And that’s one reason why Brettanomyces was by and large driven out of brewing for many years. The best stuff you could get from Brettanomyces was more interesting than anything that you were going to get from traditional saccharomyces brewer’s yeast, but what brewers traditionally were looking for was predictability, and if you could deliver the same thing to the consumer every time, that was a thing that was going to make you a success. That’s among the things that brewers like Anheuser-Busch were really able to do and how they outdid their competition.

Is there a beer you’ve come up with that you’re particularly proud of? What about it is important to you?

GO: Not surprisingly, I’m happy about a lot of my beers. Local 1 is a beer that defined a new era for the brewery, and it remains a favorite. Sorachi Ace remains a uniquely compelling beer that people love, despite or because of its oddball character. But the beers I probably connect with most deeply are those based on lees (sediments) collected from wild fermentations of wine and cider. These all take more than a year to produce, but they are among the most complex beers I’ve ever tasted and definitely the most complex that we’ve brewed. These beers bring together a lot of my interests and bridge the gap between science and art.

Are you working on any beers right now? Anything that’s particularly challenging about them?

GO: Scaling our well-loved sour, Bel Air, from smaller batches up to full-scale production is definitely a challenge, but one we look forward to. We have the latest version of our “modern IPA,” Defender, out now, and it’s tasting great, so I’m happy about that. And we’re slowly chipping away at some truly fascinating Brett work. I think sours and Brett have a big future in the near-mainstream, or at least in the mainstream of craft brewing. To read beer publications, you’d think we’d arrived there, but we haven’t. We will, though.

How would you characterize the state of beer in the United States today? Do you think it compares favorably with other countries?

GO: We remain the most feverishly creative of the beer-producing countries, and that’s something to be proud of. Britain, Germany, and Belgium provide the foundation of most of our work, but now we’re running the ball. I think a number of other countries will become exciting pretty soon. Would you believe that there are nearly 1,500 breweries in France? And Brazil is using its natural advantages, such as dozens of fruits that the average American has never even heard of. Which is great, because the current focus on IPA is pretty boring. I love IPA, but…

What does the term “ghost bottles” mean at Brooklyn Brewery?

GO: Those are the great many things that we create but don’t sell. There are probably about 60 or 70 of them right now. Some lead to commercial releases; most don’t. Some pretty much can’t. But we’ll keep doing them because it keeps our creative wheels spinning, and a lot of them are delicious. They are definitely ways to work out new ideas, check out yeast strains and see what they do, check out new kinds of barrels and see what they do. I don’t worry at all whether anything will ever come of them.

There are ways to taste them. Usually, we do tasting-menu dinners at which these will make an appearance. Just because you don’t sell them doesn’t mean that no one tastes them. We do take them out there, and we make them part of what we do. Ghost bottles are kind of part of the backstory of the brewery. Some of our beers start off as an experiment, and then we actually execute the idea. So we made a kriek, which is a type of beer made with cherries, and we released it: K Is for Kriek. We made a sour, kiwi-based beer, called Kiwi’s Playhouse, that we released relatively recently, like six months ago. And both of those were originally ghost bottles.

Recently, at an event in Scotland, in Edinburgh, I served both versions [the released version and an earlier one] of Kiwi’s Playhouse. It was actually a mistake—somehow we ended up with both versions there at the same time. They weren’t supposed to be there, but I said, “Let’s serve both of them; it’s going to be even better.” It’s almost as if you get to see a drawing for a painting you know, see the artist working it out. So at that event, I had an opportunity to talk about what I liked about this beer when I did it, why I thought it was too simplistic to bring out at $20 a bottle, and the things that I did to try to fix it. The original thing is an inspiration, and I tried to elaborate on it for a commercial version.

What do you think about the current diversity of the American brewing scene? I know the lack of diversity—that the industry generally is dominated by white men—has been written about at length, and you are often pointed to as one of the few exceptions to the rule. Is there something about the industry itself that erects barriers for minority brewers to get involved? Or is it simply an issue of image?

GO: I have to admit that this question, which I’ve been asked a lot lately, does get under my skin. The lack of diversity in craft beer has nothing to do with craft beer. You might as well ask about the lack of diversity in serious restaurant kitchens, or restaurant server staff, or dining rooms. Or golf, or ice skating, or in boardrooms, or, actually, most things. Americans are segregated, and the craft brewing culture is based in America. It’s not that people are actively trying not to hire African-Americans; it’s more that they never even think about or consider African-Americans in any particular way. Most people hire people they know, or people who are like people they know. And in America, we generally don’t know each other. That’s a bad thing, but brewers are not to blame for the ills of society.

Do you think the lack of diversity in the industry is changing?

GO: Not much—a little bit, but not much. I’m not nearly the only African-American brewmaster in the United States. I’m just the only one most people know, because I’ve been around for nearly 30 years and I’ve been pretty loud. Things will not really change without active outreach into minority communities. Almost no one tries to sell craft beer to diverse communities, so how are people supposed to know about it? I doubt you see huge participation from the Asian, Latino, or Native American communities either, though Latinos have certainly come along faster.

What are your favorite beers right now to drink? Any beers in particular, either your own or others, that you’d like to highlight as particularly worth trying?

GO: There are genuinely too many to mention. In our area, I’m really enjoying the beers by Hudson Valley, and I had some really nice stuff last night from Folksbier.

Is there one piece of equipment that you cannot make beer without?

GO: One day I want to write or edit a book with a title ripped off wholesale from Julia Child. I’ll call it Stand Facing the Kettle. Many things are negotiable, but it’s hard to get much done without a kettle.

Do you have any tips for aspiring home brewers? Any resources, like online purveyors or blogs or books, that you think would be helpful?

GO: I can’t say I’d know—I haven’t home-brewed in years. But there are a lot of very talented fellow home brewers out there, and these days they are all a few clicks away. These kids today don’t know how easy they have it! Back in my day….

[Photograph: Matt Furman]

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

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[mostodd]

Partial Vipassana

So I decided to "challenge" myself with a Vipassana silent meditation retreat in the middle of nowhere. Here are my covert notes (covert because we are not allowed to write at Vipassana. I will later post details of all the "rules" we were to abide by whilst staying at Dhamma Dipa).

Day 0 (written in retrospect on Day 1)

Felt like I was coming to boarding school again. F13 is my dorm (born in 13th district in Budapest) coincidence?! Felt like it could have been a re-birth. Dramatic? Seems like I'm full of drama.... Got here before my roomie so I chose the better bed (the one by the wall near the radiator) little did I know that radiator was going to come in handy! It was freezing so I turned the heating on. Luckily, it warms up quickly.

Day 1

Went for a walk. The area is not big but I found a decent bench in the wooded section. Felt good to lie down and stare up at the moving trees and clouds dancing around in the sky, a squirrel munching on a branch it seemed. We were told to "ignore" any animal we encounter. It ignored me too. Must be used to it. Walking back into the meditation hall I could smell the pheromones. Possibly two Russian guys were called Igor/ Anatoly. Gosha/ Tolya I thought. The first lot of guys who were called were hotter than the second. Was reminded of Yogi B re closing eyes and seeing x-rated stuff. I feel like my sense of smell has become heightened. Everyone sounded sick this morning in the 4:30-6:30am sitting, also, WTF?! No teacher. I asked her about that later in the so called "interviews" Didn't know I was applying for a job here.... her response was that students should be independent....hmm....I also asked the question about why S N Goenka says that mixing Vipassana with other techniques is "dangerous" I didn't get an answer to this either. In fact on the night of Day 2 when my teacher found out I had been doing Kundalini.....she gave a knowing "Oh" like that explains it all. She started to explain that all they are doing is teaching an ancient technique. To which I said I understood and that Kundalini Yoga is similar in that way... I've had a couple if not 3 sleeps today. Don't think this is for me. It I'm here now so I will finish it but SO grateful for Kundalini Yoga. Gutted that I am missing Ajeet this time though! Possibly ate too much at lunchtime. (Apparently we should always leave 1/4 of our stomachs empty in order to facilitate mediation. It wasn't bad: spaghetti with a veggie topping, cheese and salad (nice salad dressings). A possible vegan sat near me, only had salad. Old students don't have any food after 12 noon, not even milk in their tea. Partial fasting I guess. Although in the manual it strictly states that fasting is not allowed... Strange they don't allow writing or yoga practices. I have been vibrating the mantra Sat Nam Sat Nam, Wahe Guru Wahe Guru. I don't feel hungry. Haven't felt hungry once yet. I've got a black tea with soy milk on the go. I was SO glad to see Digestive biscuits here yesterday when we arrived! I was worried about not having any sugar. Now I'm thinking I don't want to put weight on while I'm here! We met a lady who has done Vipassana twice a year for 26/27 years! She's Indian and has lived in the U.K. For 55 years she says but doesn't speak English by her own admission very well at all. This whole experience seems like one massive deprivation behaviour. Feels weird not producing just being: being a human being instead of a human doing.....doing something I would deem useful. I hope I will learn something other than concerating on the breath coming in and out through my nostrils. At first Goenka's chanting sounded like something coming from the depths of hell bless him but I am starting to get used to it. His heart is in the right place. Not sure why it takes so long to learn this technique?! Almost 22 hrs without technology now. Bit like being back in boarding school in the early 90s. Weird that we can't write or draw. Day 2 Didn't get up for morning meditation. Did get up for breakfast - 06:30am. Got told off for still being in the dining hall at 07:15am "This time is for servers." I said Ok and left. So much energy this morning. We are not allowed to run but I did go for a few brisk walks around the block. TBC....

[exactlywhoyouthinkiwas-blog]

[2/27/2015 9:48:23 AM] Evan: sup [2/27/2015 11:23:51 AM] YV??~: (So I was not ignoring this i just only ever wake up around 12 and i never change my status because i dont plan when i go to sleep. just felt like i needed to explain i was not ignoring this) [2/27/2015 3:28:38 PM] Evan: I kinda figured. heh [2/27/2015 3:29:23 PM] YV??~: so you wanted something? [2/27/2015 3:30:49 PM] Evan: Haha not particularly. It's going to sound pretty random, but I actually wanted to ask you a question. [2/27/2015 3:31:01 PM] YV??~: Ok [2/27/2015 3:32:21 PM] Evan: Cause I'm curious, and I can't remember if I ever asked. [2/27/2015 3:32:30 PM] Evan: Heh. Sorry if this is too personal, but [2/27/2015 3:32:45 PM] Evan: Why do you consider yourself a terrible person? [2/27/2015 3:42:39 PM] YV??~: Oh. Well you are in luck because i accidentally did a lot of terribly depression introspection earlier this week and have just the answer for that. From what i can put together from my somewhat incoprehansible whining. I've gotten through a lot of my life manipulating people through lying and gaining their pity all for my own gain...and probably will continue to. I tend to not do ANYTHING in every situation that would be optimal for working. I am able to somehow make people angry just by expressing emotion. and even when i find things i could fix i never try to change anything. [2/27/2015 3:42:54 PM] YV??~: just a short list of some of the things [2/27/2015 3:43:57 PM] Evan: I see. [2/27/2015 3:44:13 PM] Evan: It sounds to me like you're a human. [2/27/2015 3:46:21 PM] YV??~: Ehhh. I mean im not gonna tell people what they can think but i dont have to share anyone opinion [2/27/2015 3:47:23 PM] Evan: Haha, fair enough. I'll spare you the optimistic bullshit. [2/27/2015 3:47:28 PM] Evan: Why don't you change anything? [2/27/2015 3:48:51 PM] YV??~: That takes time. and effort im too lazy to put out. Ive tried to fix some things but i forget like a week later and stop trying [2/27/2015 3:49:40 PM] Evan: Do you not actually want to? [2/27/2015 3:52:05 PM] YV??~: Honestly, hell if I care anymore. I'm trash and thats that, Im not really worth the time or effort. [2/27/2015 3:52:29 PM] Evan: Not even your own? [2/27/2015 3:54:23 PM] YV??~: Im not really worth pretty much anything for anyone. Even thinking deeper about myself makes me feel like that was just a waste of time. [2/27/2015 3:54:49 PM] Evan: What do you do, then? [2/27/2015 3:55:50 PM] YV??~: Weh, theres a reason I have so many OCs and roughly 12 titles to my name with 6 running congruently at various stages of development. [2/27/2015 3:56:27 PM] Evan: Why do you make art and tell stories? [2/27/2015 4:01:07 PM] YV??~: I dont really have any other people around, and I dont really move from one spot like 22+ hours of the day so I gotta have somewhere to go, and someone to be. Even before I ended up like i am now barely leaving the house, I didnt have more than like 1 friend ever so those were my friends. I ended up picking up drawing from my sister seeing her do it because i thought itd be a good way to be able to really see these characters [2/27/2015 4:03:03 PM] Evan: Why do you animate them? [2/27/2015 4:06:56 PM] YV??~: Ive always been able to make up stories but when i create them i dont think of it as words, as a story would be if i wrote it down, I actually see the story's progression moving. When I create a story and characters I see them move and create the story themselves with small things i put in, and I hear them actually say what they have to say. out of all mediums of visual story-telling, animation is the closest to the original "being" of the story. [2/27/2015 4:07:38 PM] Evan: Why do you share them? [2/27/2015 4:10:20 PM] YV??~: I do that with pretty much any work i finish. Like "here i made this, heres proof it exists." Basically so i have something to show for myself, that i do have the ability to make things. [2/27/2015 4:12:29 PM] Evan: Does it make you proud? [2/27/2015 4:15:32 PM] YV??~: euuhhh...Proud? No. Satisfied with actually being able to have a finished product of some kind, even if its less than the original plan, is a little more like it. Even if I hate it later because there are things that could have been done better if given the time, its still better than nothing. And even then usually the ones i hate the most give other people the most enjoyment. [2/27/2015 4:17:22 PM] Evan: Do you make things that you hate? [2/27/2015 4:20:59 PM] YV??~: Oh yeah. Serious things that just went wrong early on and i was unable to fix, and joke things that ive put too much effort into that got too big compared to real work. I usually dont hate projects though. Even when I feel like theyre going no where and i retire the idea completely i dont usually hate those. Mostly art and animations, actual stories are different. [2/27/2015 4:28:05 PM] Evan: Does art make you happy? [2/27/2015 4:32:56 PM] YV??~: Not usually while im in the process of making it, im mostly just mind set on what it SHOULD look like. But stepping back to look at everything come together and finally become something finished usually is satisfying at the least. Some i never look at after that final moment of its creation, but some im really happy with the way it came out and end up looking at it over and over. So I suppose once the peice is made it does, in a way. [2/27/2015 4:34:34 PM] Evan: Are you proud when your art makes others happy? [2/27/2015 4:36:44 PM] YV??~: Well, i mean, i guess its nice when other people can find enjoyment out of something ive done. [2/27/2015 4:37:13 PM] Evan: Do you like making people happy? [2/27/2015 4:39:21 PM] YV??~: depends, usually i try not to sacrifice too much for other people, but sometimes i can be generous with somethings. really it depends on how I feel pretty much. [2/27/2015 4:41:55 PM] Evan: What makes you happy? [2/27/2015 4:47:07 PM] YV??~: I dont know, I tend to spend most of the day in a neutral 'emotionless' state, and most of the time any emotions I do have are very miniscule that I dont usually remember them. Though I enjoy being in the presence of other people, even without participating, people tend to ignore me 90% of the time. Thats a question that im not sure has a real answer [2/27/2015 4:50:26 PM] Evan: Do you have a dream? [2/27/2015 4:53:07 PM] YV??~: I try not to make solid plans more than 3 years in advance, so im not really sure. There's not a whole lot, at this point, that I could really accomplish by 2018, who can even say I'll still be alive by then. [2/27/2015 4:54:04 PM] Evan: But is there something you would want to do? [2/27/2015 4:58:05 PM] YV??~: Usually I just put goals on my characters, and I just exist to help them get there. I dont really see it so much as my life and things I want to do. Really the only thing id regret in dying is not that im stuck nowhere and im not going anywhere, but my characters not fufilling their roles and reaching THEIR closure. [2/27/2015 4:59:23 PM] Evan: Is there anything else that you do? [2/27/2015 5:02:50 PM] YV??~: All of my hobbies relate with art and story-telling in someway. Voice acting, singing, creating costumes and clothing. pretty much all of it is art and in some way has a story behind it. [2/27/2015 5:06:28 PM] Evan: What do you want to be better at? [2/27/2015 5:09:51 PM] YV??~: wehh..I dont know, theres a lot of things i could be better at and somethings i should be, but...im not really sure. [2/27/2015 5:22:15 PM] Evan: What do you think you're best at? [2/27/2015 5:28:41 PM] YV??~: Ive practiced various methods of drawing for years but, even though i just picked up sewing as a craft 3 years ago im better at that than i was with drawing early on. Everything else has taken since around middle school to get to a good level where i can still do it comparatively quickly, where sewing only took a year to get to that point. Overall for me it went from a beginner level to at least moderately experienced much faster than everything else. [2/27/2015 5:38:07 PM] Evan: What's your favorite thing to do? [2/27/2015 5:41:19 PM] YV??~: I dont know. Usually if im bored, and not too fed up with holding a pencil, i end up idly drawing....Its really like the only thing I do. [2/27/2015 5:50:40 PM] Evan: What inspires you? [2/27/2015 5:53:13 PM] YV??~: Usually things just pop into mind on their own. Sometimes they happen while im listening to, or watching something. [2/27/2015 5:53:40 PM] Evan: What sorts of things do you watch and listen to? [2/27/2015 5:57:06 PM] YV??~: Usually I put on miscellaneous gameplay footage or lets plays, and i pretty much switch between that and music. [2/27/2015 5:57:49 PM] Evan: What kind of music? [2/27/2015 6:00:23 PM] YV??~: It usually depends what i feel like. somedays its lighter faster stuff, somedays its heavier stuff. Somedays a combination of both, sometimes i just let my music shuffle and play in whatever order. [2/27/2015 6:02:12 PM] Evan:  Is music important to you? [2/27/2015 6:05:52 PM] YV??~: I guess....I mean some ideas wouldnt have happened without certain songs, and some projects probably wouldnt exist. [2/27/2015 6:07:53 PM] Evan: What's your favorite project? [2/27/2015 6:10:21 PM] YV??~: Honestly, there isnt a lot of public information on Mahito but ive been working with it for 2 years, and it was actually the first thing I envisioned myself actually animating. [2/27/2015 6:11:00 PM] Evan: What's Mahito? [2/27/2015 6:22:17 PM] YV??~: Its something I came up with one day, I guess the best way to describe its themes in short would be Madoka-esque even though i came up with the basics including designs before i even watched it. I guess one could say its very "magical girl" though it is not a straight female cast. It follows a team of 6 highschool students, their leader being a socially withdrawn, sucidal girl whos only real support are her brother and his best friend. These 6 people are given powers and forced into a battle thats been going on for centuries, for supremacy within a group of supernatural beings known to the humans involved as "gods." Many of these gods have no regard for the people they force to fight so long as they are able to take surpremacy in someway, since they are unable to kill each other or be killed. The team has to fight both other human fighters and "monsters", that are the remains of humans who tried to rebel against their "god", which live beyond a barrier and can threaten to destroy inncent human life. At first they look at it as their chance to help people, but eventually their powers become a burden. [2/27/2015 6:24:26 PM] Evan: That sounds really interesting. How much have you done with it? [2/27/2015 6:29:45 PM] YV??~: So far I have designs and short biographies for the main cast. As well as designs for a few of the mosters they will face, and bios for a few minor characters that still have some influence on a part of the plot. A lot of what i have written besides characters is mostly world building, information on the roles and powers each member of a 6 man team can have. Descriptions of the basic behaviors of monsters on different intelligence levels. I plan to have all the designs done at the end of this year, and the timeline for the plot fully written in detail at the end of 2016. [2/27/2015 6:33:31 PM] Evan: Cool. O: I assume it's also going to be an animation? When do you think you'll start making it? [2/27/2015 6:38:45 PM] YV??~: Ive been saying since around last year or so itll come out in 2018. It was the first thing I considered animating seriously, things before that where like that would be cool, or this scene could be animated. But this, i decided, this was going to be fully animated, i tried to start it out in a static format just to get things laid out to be adapted into an animation, but it never worked. While 2018 may be a little too ambitious, this is going to be nothing but animated [2/27/2015 6:44:46 PM] Evan: I see. [2/27/2015 6:46:57 PM] YV??~: yeh

[thebestpirate]

The Longest Sail EVER (Uruguay to Cape Town)

On January 13th, 2017, the Gulden Leeuw left for a grand adventure of our 34-day sail. The thought of starting this voyage scared me half to death because I am the biggest family’s girl you’ll ever meet. My family is full of my best friends and I didn’t want to leave them for a month. However, with the help of my newly found family on the ship, I learned that even a 34-day sail can be full of fun and adventure. Moving back on the ship was surprisingly very easy. I thought it would be a stressful process, but it took maybe an hour. Also, the boys and girls got to switch sides in the dorms, which means we get the better air conditioned side! I can use my blankets every night… I bet the boys can too because the South Atlantic is SO COLD, but still… It’s such a nice feeling. Also, last semester, my bed was one of the closest to the ceiling. When I raised my elbow, it would hit the ceiling, so there was NO WAY I’d possibly ever be able to sit up and most nights I’d hit my head on the ceiling. But no longer do I suffer with a tiny sleeping area. My bunk this semester is still a top bunk, but the ceiling is higher and I can actually move as I please. It’s heaven.

We met our new maritime crew the day we came back to the ship on the 10th of January. They’re a group of amazing people and so many of them are from the States. I haven’t been around so many Americans in a very long time. I very much enjoy being around people from all over the world (it’s probably the coolest thing about CAF), but it was cool to meet people who live closer to me than others.

Our watch groups were changed this semester and man do I love Watch 6. Svea, Elizabeth, Haylee, Brody, and Klaus are some of the best people to hang out with on watch at 4 to 6 in the morning.

On the 18th of January, I was writing in my journal saying “…we’re on our way to Tristan! I really hope we get…” And I just stopped writing because I then wrote, “AAAAND I totally lost my train of thought because there were a bunch of pilot whales SO close to the ship.” That’s the cool thing about Class Afloat. You’re excused from class when there are whales, dolphins, sharks, turtles, etc. It’s a crazy thing to think about and I can’t imagine what living on land is going to be like after experiencing this. Anyways, what I was going to say in my journal was I really hope we get to make it to Tristan Da Cuhna. (Spoiler alert… We made it to Tristan! But I’ll talk about that in a bit.)

On Jan. 21st, a bunch of us were watching High School Musical 2 and you better believe we sang our hearts out. I’ve never met a group of people who understand my love for HSM. Watching the second movie brought me back to when we were in UNEDCO in Spain and we watched the 1st movie in the building we had our classes in. It’s crazy to think that we had a month off the ship and now it’s been a month at sea (with a short stop in Tristan). Before watching HSM2, it’s Megan’s clumsy story of the day… I had just gotten out of galley and I was taking the massive container of rags to the laundry room to start cleaning them. I was walking and the second I stepped on the tile floor, which was super slippery that day, my right foot slipped right across my left leg and I tripped myself. I landed ONLY on my right knee with not only my own weight, but with this darn container of rags. It hurt SO bad, but I ignored it while watching HSM2 because that felt more important at the time. The next day I realized I couldn’t bend my leg… Whoops. I went (limped) to the Medical Officer, Chris, and he put me on the “less physical work board” because walking was a struggle for a solid 48 hours. It took longer than that for the swelling to go down, but I could walk like a semi-normal person after the 1st 2 days. For the time I was crippled, I was walking like a had a peg leg. It was kind of funny, but extremely painful.

The next day (the 22nd), there was an all hands call for a job on deck and, even though I was still injured, I just did an easy job. But… It happened to be Sunday Dinner that day and we were all dressed nice. My skirt was NOT happy in the strong wind outside. It takes skill to haul on a line and hold down your skirt at the same time, but the girls managed it really well so props to us.

On the 24th, we saw at least 4 sperm whales. They were beautiful (and insanely close to the ship). Seeing marine mammals never gets old. Later that day, there was an announcement over the loud speaker that simply said, “big whale on starboard side.” I had been having a rough couple of days in terms of mental health so it’s things like that that make me cheer up a bit. I hadn’t gotten out of bed that quickly in a whiiiile. Also, don’t worry family… I get a little down every now and then because I get impatient waiting to talk to you guys. I cheer up when crazy stuff happens, but sometimes you just want to call your family. The Southern Atlantic, however, does not have cell service. I also found out that morning that I got accepted as a Teacher’s Apprentice for the Anthropology 12 class. Everyone can apply to whatever they want to be on the ship as an apprentice and I knew being a teacher’s apprentice would be more my speed compared to something maritime related. I’m so proud of my work for Anthro!

JANUARY 27TH! My 19th birthday! I am now a 19-year-old and it happened on a ship in the middle of the Southern Atlantic Ocean. How cool is that?! Lindsey, I’m definitely not 8 anymore. In fact, I’m now DOUBLE that. I know, it’s crazy to think about. I got bucketed like what normally happens on peoples’ birthdays and oh my gosh it was cold. I have a video of it because I didn’t want to get bucketed with cold water and not be able to make fun of myself later on.

Time to talk about TRISTAN. Some sailor’s only dream of making it to Tristan because sometimes the wind/weather doesn’t let you anchor outside of their small, isolated home. But we made it! With a lot of hard work, we got to anchor outside of Tristan on the 29th of January, which was earlier than expected, but that’s the window of good weather we had and this crew made it happen. I went aloft (to just below the lower topsail) with John, Kyle, and Liz. I was a little scared, but the waters were calm and we were anchored so I felt confident enough to make it up there. The view of Tristan was breathtaking. We actually went onto Tristan on the 30th and I saw a ROCKHOPPER PENGUIN the second I stepped onto the island. I was in love. I sent some post cards to my family that I hope make it there soon. We visited the school that very few kids attend (considering there’s only about 280 people on the whole island). We got the chance to play ACTUAL BASKETBALL with a few of the kids and I didn’t realize how much I missed throwing things and running around, two things that are prohibited on the ship. We got the chance to climb the volcano that erupted in 1961 and I got some BEAUTIFUL pictures. We only had one afternoon on Tristan so it was over way too quickly, sadly. We made our way back to the ship on the dinghy and set sail the next day on the 31st.

In the beginning of February, I began to prepare my lesson for the Anthropology lesson I would be teaching regarding Sex and Gender. Being the teacher’s apprentice for Anthropology has been a blast and when the time came to teach my 55-minute lesson, I felt 100% prepared. It went extremely well because not only did I work hard on the presentation, but sex and gender is a topic I know a lot about (self-taught because little Megan and current Megan are constantly curious about how that stuff works). Everyone told me that I did a good job and they feel like they learned a lot about sexual orientations, romantic orientations, and gender versus sex.

On board, mostly throughout this long sail, a game known as Jungle Speed has been spreading like wildfire. It’s a hit amongst individuals on the ship who have to get some pent-up energy out. It’s a game that involves a lot of yelling. We’ve actually drawn blood playing this game because it’s so intense when you have to be the first to grab something. It’s harder to explain through text, but consider playing it one day. I’m for sure going to force it upon my family.

In mid-February, we had a handover day, which means the students take over the ship while the maritime crew gets the day off. They keep an eye on us just in case, but I think we were pretty successful that day and the other handovers that have happened throughout the year. Every handover day (at the time I’m writing this, we’ve only had two, but another one is coming up), we fly the huge pirate flag that we have onboard. It’s the small things that make things like this fun. Even though I wasn’t acting as a maritime crew member, because I was a teacher’s apprentice, it was still fun for me to watch my friends be captain, 1st and 2nd officer, engineer, ABs, and bosun. You get a really strong proud feeling when your student crew can take over the ship for a full 24 hours.

On February 13th, we anchored outside of Cape Town and all anyone could think of was “FINALLY!” This was a parent port so many of us had been anticipating seeing our families. I had not seen my sisters since I left in September. We had to anchor until the 16th and I was growing impatient having to wait for 3 days to see my best friends. My siblings are my best friends so seeing my sisters was a big deal. I cannot thank Chris enough for bringing them with him to Cape Town because, not only did I get to see them, they got to experience something outside of our normal life in the United States. Travelling is something I believe everyone should do and I am so glad my sisters got to go to Cape Town, one of my favorite ports.

I enjoyed our long sail, but we sometimes tend to go a little crazy waiting for land to appear on the horizon. One of the most interesting things I’ve learned is that you can smell land when you approach it after so many days at sea.

Thank you for reading this VERY LATE (sorry about that) and very long post. I’ve been putting off typing about this passage for quite some time because of the length I knew it would be, but here it is!

<3 - Megan

[always-ed-iting]

Every Question I Received on February 9th, 2017.

1.  What’s up fam dog?

2.  How bout dat?

3.  When are we getting papers for the Valentines Party?

4.  Where do you keep the password?

5.  Where was that, India?

6.  Can I use my phone?

7.  What do I do?

8.  Are we going to do experiments?

9.  Didn’t you just ask that?

10.                    Can we stay for intervention?

11.                    Where do I put this?

12.                    What do I do?

13.                    Can I play?

14.                    How many people are in your class?

15.                    Can we make slime?

16.                    Right there?

17.                    What?

18.                    Do we keep the report card?

19.                    Do I take a picture of her?

20.                    Mr. Castillo... the mystery box?

21.                    How was your day today?

22.                    Why did you leave the address in the bin?

23.                    Can we play air hockey?

24.                    Can I borrow this pencil?

25.                    Can I try this?

26.                    Can I play with them?

27.                    Can we borrow some tape for the ramp?

28.                    Can we play silent ball?

29.                    Why are you writing the questions down?

30.                    Why are you writing the questions down? (Second Time) 

31.                    Do you want to try air hockey with the marble?

32.                    We don’t have to?

33.                    What do we do?

34.                    Are you like a cop?

35.                    Can you hear me?

36.                    How many rulers do you got?

37.                    So we can leave?

38.                    Do we push in the chairs?

39.                    Is there anything I can do for points?

40.                    How are you doing today?

41.                    Are those the edusmart questions?

42.                    How did that activity with the stations work out?

43.                    Do we go to the tables we were at yesterday?

44.                    Can I get water?

45.                    Mr. Castillo, really?

46.                    Is this all I do?

47.                    Who needs what?

48.                    Do you have a band-aid?

49.                    Was that a commercial?

50.                    Even our backpacks?

51.                    Do I stay at your computer?

52.                    Do we go outside now?

53.                    Can we go outside?

54.                    Does that thing do anything?

55.                    Inside or outside?

56.                    Can I go fill up my water bottle?

57.                    Can I help you on the computer?

58.                    We restart?

59.                    Is this his?

60.                    Is this Joel’s?

61.                    Can we open the closet for the ramp?

62.                    Yes?

63.                    Huh?

64.                    Wait that one?

65.                    Can I go to the restroom?

66.                    When are we going to bring our experiment?

67.                    Huh?

68.                    So we keep the tape on?

69.                    We do to our next station?

70.                    What is our next station?

71.                    What?

72.                    What?

73.                    What?

74.                    Did you went there?

75.                    Huh?

76.                    Do we all have to do it?

77.                    Can we borrow?

78.                    I throw it away?

79.                    Wait what?

80.                    What happened to his neck?

81.                    What is this?

82.                    Do we do it in inches or feet?

83.                    Can I eat with you?

84.                    Can I go get my tray?

85.                    Do I still keep this?

86.                    Who is sitting here?

87.                    Is that your water?

88.                    Shouldn’t you be writing this down?

89.                    Can I turn on the projector?

90.                    Do we exit out of this?

91.                    Is your life that boring?

92.                    Are you kidding?

93.                    Isn’t laughing talking?

94.                    Kimberly?

95.                    Who?

96.                    Can I go back on the computer?

97.                    Who?

98.                    Can I be king?

99.                    Can I just throw it away here?

100.             Can I play now?

101.             Are we switching?

102.             Can I use my phone?

103.             Can I get a candy since I was the only girl left?

104.             Can I get a candy?

105.             Can you hold this please?

106.             Does Lorena get a candy?

107.             Today is the 9th right?

108.             Wait, which paper?

109.             Do we start?

110.             Can I get a candy?

111.             Mr. Castillo... I’m the secretary?

112.             Did that apple explode?

113.             Can there be a secretary?

114.             Which ones which?

115.             Mr. Castillo?

116.             Can we go to the restroom?

117.             Can I have the silent ball?

118.             Can I be the stick person?

119.             Where the passes though?

120.             Is it that big one?

121.             Wait what?

122.             If she’s not there do we go to the front office?

123.             Can we play silent ball?

124.             How would he know what’s in the girls restroom?

125.             5 things of what?

126.             How you a teacher when you don’t even know?

127.             Have you seen the trim?

128.             That a office building?

129.             Projects?

130.             Where do I put this?

131.             Which table?

132.             Where’s my table?

133.             Can I try?

134.             Can I do the sticks?

135.             What?

136.             What is this stuff on the side of it?

137.             Where’s the basketball?

138.             Why can’t we go outside?

139.             Do we go outside?

140.             You didn’t see that?

141.             Can I trade this for dojo points?

142.             What do we do outside for table 3?

143.             Or do we just use these?

144.             Where’s the stapler?

145.             Can we do it outside?

146.             Can I go to the mystery box?

147.             Put Godzilla back?

148.             Am I back to Godzilla tomorrow?

149.             Can I see how many points I have?

150.             Can I go to the nurse?

151.             Can we go outside now?

152.             Tomorrow can I be the point stealer?

153.             What is that?

154.             What is this?

155.             Wait how many?

156.             Ok what’s this?

157.             Can we open the window just for fun?

158.             What is that for?

159.             What do we do after we do it?

160.             What are they doing?

161.             Can I put a song on?

162.             Why is there a pencil on there?

163.             After we finish this do we take the friction test?

164.             What do I type in?

165.             Do you know what this is?

166.             Where’s the thing?

167.             Do you know Abeiro?

168.             Do you use the ramp for table one?

169.             Can I have a job?

170.             Is class about to be over?

171.             Can I come in here in the afternoon?

172.             Can I earn my candy?

173.             Can I get the Godzilla award?

174.             Can we play lava?

175.             Why is this school so strict?

176.             Can I change my schedule?

177.             Can we use the tape?

178.             Mr. Castillo I have 10 points, can I change it for a candy?

179.             What is this doing?

180.             Mr. Castillo can I go check on the girls?

181.             When can we go outside?

182.             Can I go take my pills?

183.             Was I supposed to have 3 points?

184.             Can I get on the computer and subtract 3 points?

185.             Mr. Castillo can I trade for candy?

186.             What can I help?

187.             What can I do for points?

188.             Who’s passing out papers?

189.             Where’s the ball at?

190.             Can I get the mystery box?

191.             Can I play on the computer?

192.             Can we go to that one?

193.             Mr. Castillo why are you writing all those questions down?

194.             Is that for that book you’re reading?

195.             Do I get it for free?

196.             Can I go take my inhaler?

197.             Battle stations….what’s that?

198.             Can I control the computer?

199.             What is this for?

200.             Mr. Castillo do we go to the table that we went to yesterday?

201.             Do we use this side?

202.             What is this?

203.             Why is there tape on here?

204.             Can you give me a Early birthday present?

205.             Can I play bubble trouble 2?

206.             Can I get my candy already?

207.             Are we going to be in here?

208.             Can I take it out?

209.             Is coach here yet?

210.             Can I be first 5?

211.             Do you know what school it’s at?

212.             Are we going to do this all practice?

213.             What time do we have to be there?

214.             What’s your name?

215.             Is it E-N-U-N…?

216.             Castillo with TWO L’s?

217.             Which one is that?

218.             The writing?

219.             That many?

220.             Why would they say that?

221.             Do you want a new one?

222.             Green or orange?

223.             Also: which movie did you want to see?

223 Questions. For sure I missed a bunch more. Shout out to my select students (my best multitaskers) who on top of their work (followed me around for their entire class and) wrote down every question someone asked me!! 

Pizza party tomorrow!! The life of a rock climbing, basketball coaching, science teacher!