#sulululat

[m0e-ru]

Adachi felt the office was a bit quieter than usual. ‘Must be because of that fireworks festival for the night—or people just finding another excuse to bail. At that moment, his boss came to have the exact same idea.

Will Adachi get to watch the fireworks festival!? Is his car still working!? Stay tuned!!

the attendant will hit a curb next week, for now i wrote 👍 HOORAAY

[m0e-ru]

hi so here’s essentially a wiki for gsaslau in a notion site I guess HAHA. I’ve finally added an intro page as the primer with warnings and summaries and resources like that etc etc.

The same thing applies; the timeline is there with its own synopses or full plot layouts depending on how much energy I had for writing that day, and there’s also sections for characters and concepts I’ve explained in my own words to get us on the same page.

If there’s any issues with the warnings or anything you’d like to ask about everything, you can hit me up and I’ll get to you when I can! Thanks again for listening and come again soon 🙇

[m0e-ru]

tohruest adachiest manager's choice experience as compiled by the tumblr branch moel gas station 2023

helloooo my dearest okyakusan my most wonderful customers whether you have a membership card or just passing by. Here is the manager's choice of how to have the most tohru adachi experience ever 📣📣📣

this post will have a breakdown of the whole diagram with highlights, and my own opinions of each medium stated. Otherwise, here's a summary as a list!!

YES!!

Persona 4 (PS2 2008)

Standalone Drama CD Vol. 3 (scattered cameos)

Manga Adaptation (Sogabe)

adachi jumpscare table

Vol. 10; Chapter 54

Vol. 12

Arena Ultimax; Episode Adachi

Arena Ultimax Manga Adaptation (Rokuro Saito special mention!??)

this is a bit cool too

The Golden Animation

Blu-ray/DVD Vol. 2; Bonus Drama CD: A Sense of Gratitude

Blu-ray/DVD Vol. 4; Bonus Drama CD: Boo ~ I bear a grudge on you ~

The Animation

Standalone Drama CD Vol. 2: You'll understand when you get older

The Golden (PS VITA 2013) (Social Link, new events, etc.)

um

The Golden Animation

Episode 6: See? I told you Yu.

Episode 7: It’s cliché, so what?

Unaired Bonus Episode “Another End Episode”: Thank you Mr. Accomplice

other opinions 

I’ll be linking all available online resources for everything I’ve stated!! If a link is broken or the media is inaccessible, hit me up!! I have my own personal archive.

YES!! segment !! wahoo !!!!! this is where i constantly stuff my nose in whenever i want a good reference on adachis character. AND THEY'RE ALL PERFECT TO ME!! <- about the media

Persona 4 (PS2 2008)

Back to basics everybody!!! Let’s remember who this goofball is from the start. Forget he has a social link and see him be the bumbling fool for plot exposition and the real murderer !!!! Just like how I tell you not to reference the attendant during 3/20, we can put Shadow Adachi’s mannerisms and his influence under literal god aside and try and focus on what that means as symbolism and extra information on Adachi himself!!

Standalone Drama CD Vol. 3

THIS IS A FUN ONE he has scattered cameos throughout the drama and was essentially being dragged around by Dojima.

Basic premise of this volume that it’s sports festival season!! Yasogami’s at it and the IT are participating, as well as Nanako—although she worries that her dad won’t even come to see her and that she wouldn’t even be able to do the family three-legged race.

Adachi’s appearances here are so stupid, he says he was an “elite” then flops trying to help high-schoolers with homework because Naoto’s there. He does his usual begging and whining with Dojima etc etc he also drove Dojima to compete with Nanako after saying the man finished all his reports as fast as possible.

I like this one because it reinforces who Adachi is based mostly from the main game. With the context that fans listening are aware he’s the culprit (or not), they do sprinkle in his “emptiness” (<- no i'm exaggerating it sorry) and bring it to the front of the picture a bit.

Translated Transcript: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14uOTyzic9Ij9DjN4ZRNBLFTcGe0UF-PvX4qMnqcs2Fk/edit#gid=283104639

Available video link: https://youtu.be/p3yDNbczEqg?t=228 (timestamped to 3:49)

Manga Adaptation (Sogabe)

SOUJI SETA TRUTHER COMING IN STRONG also i just adore Sogabe’s adaptation on the game as a whole. While I am Marie lover#1, this manga did begin in 2008, and I like to think it’s the hypothetical that Marie really was expunged completely OKAY WHERE WAS I

As mentioned, this whole adaptation focuses on the game before Golden was ever a thing. No scooters, no extra events, no nothing. Although, Sogabe did write in a bit of Adachi’s Social Link in a context best suited for Souji.

I like Sogabe's take on Adachi in the manner of how he draws him and writes him as a character. It's not as whimsical or lazy like the anime, and the way he took the downhill spiral of the Hospital arc, from November to December, just actually felt like my emotions were ready in the right places. Surprisingly, in every adaptation, I was really enamored to see how Adachi acted differently in each one.

In the manga, he didn't seem as slack jawed as he did in the game at least. He looked like he was trying so hard to act concerned when he he actually feels guilty for everything going down !!! OR MAYBE NOT !!!!!!!

compared to the game, you can really how much he exudes of being so. plastic. ung kaplastikan. and you're mad not because you're stuck with ps2 limitations of three polygons of an arm waving around, but you're mad that he reeks of faking concern. But also unlike the game, you don't understand what's going on anymore because of the things that have transpired in relation to Adachi's character. Which is Sogabe's adaptation of his Social Link with Souji through having dinner with each other.

and Souji doesn’t know him! They share things with one another that one dinner but otherwise, Adachi’s never rambled on about himself as much as he does in a normal Social Link run. There is a different sort of motive with Souji and he wants to some things wrap things up while everything else is falling apart around him. If there’s a chance to help someone, even if he’s only talked thoroughly once or twice and that the other party’s opened up a single time to him, he’s the boy who wants to get through to people either way. What if Souji’s a bit selfish himself and wants to be in control of things when everything in his life and vision are literally blurring as he breathes? (takes place in november when nanako's hospitalized btw)

I love the lack of intimacy between the two, contrary to what majority of the fan base wants or even BELIEVES. Souji is a kid with a year in Inaba, of course he does a million other things with his time than hang out with an adult that’s some kind of darker version of himself and a representation of a possible bleaker future considering how similar they are. 

As for the specific chapters, I think it’s fulfilling to go through the whole manga from the start. Like, forget everything you know about P4 for a second and experience it as fresh as possible. Then you get to Chapter 54 to see Adachi’s condensed Social Link and get to Volume 12 to see things come together. Sure, I start getting a bit iffy with Volume 13 but I enjoy the parallels between the two, genuinely.

i have more stuff locked and loaded but uhmmm yeah 👍

Available manga link: https://manhuascan.me/manga/persona-4-official 

VISUALIVE (stageplay)

you will never see adachi ever act like a cunt like this ever again. he only does it once because hes gay.

i have made a million essays about this this is the foundation of this gas station itself

Available video links to the only things i’ve subbed ever because they’re the most important ones to this fruit’s development:

https://youtu.be/mWRB1dIgFNE

https://youtu.be/QRps3M9uXiw

or you can watch the whole thing because Masami Itou’s portrayal of him is just delightful: https://youtu.be/7oTpjmeD-mk 

Arena Ultimax; Episode Adachi

hahaha. haha. laughs weakly. haha.

I would kindly ask everybody to do this in Japanese dub but otherwise ehmmm yeah ! Episode Adachy. I do enjoy how they try to elaborate how his personalities are coalescing into a single face as he doesnt have to fake around people anymore. Like the fact that his lame humor is still present and he’ll do stupid voices, which makes you wonder if he was always like this or that it’s something he adopted while acting out the last facade he’s done for over a year—or more. 

HE IS SO FUCKING OPINIONATED AND THINKS HES SO COOL he has SO MUCH PRIDE but also he doesnt at the same time. you think hes a soldier surviving in the idgaf war but hes still dying in the mines he planted and crossfire for multiple reasons. hes simultaneously a teenage girl and a man in his late twenties.

Adachi is totally giving a fuck, not just in a white girl bully “I’m better than everyone” kind of way but like he’s totally giving a fuck about a lot of things. “Oh I gotta stop whatever this god has going down for this city in bumfuck nowhere because the case is going to go around in circles and i’ll never serve jail time in peace” how many times has he turned corners in an alleyway maze just by saying this.

hes literally trembling in his shoes with everything happening in that hour but hes just so good at bottling up emotions from others and HIMSELF. Theres only so much he’ll admit in his own monologue—in his own thoughts. That hes aware of things but he’ll never say it out loud even in his own head i’ll tear him apart with my bare hands <- i am just genuinely annoyed he can do this and not me but i should be grateful that i can express myself than be an emotionally repressed asshole 

He finds kids who are mirrors where he sees himself in. One, a goody two-shoes who has it all, the other an actual brat with a fucked up life from loneliness, isolation, and abuse (a million other things). And he’s not annoyed only because he finds similarities between him and them, but the fact that they’re children and they have at least a decade more than his ass which he spent sulking about with.

He’s mad at Bancho because he has his way from the kindness and generosity of his time he’s spent with others, something Adachi didn’t do; in which he could use his situation with his family and education as an excuse, but he never brings that up because as much as he likes seeing others eat shit and he has his way, Adachi also considers himself a fuckup. can you see this irony. So many chances to get out there and socialize, but he stuck his nose in his studies thinking a good future’s already laid out for him—BUT THE BUBBLE POPPED which is what fucking happens when youre in Japanese economic depression after the bubble economy. and you dont bother to leave your comfort zone either EVEN WHEN YOU DONT NECESSARILY like the things youre doing because it’s the only damn thing you’re used to !!!!

He’s sick of Sho because he’s an oversized 10 year old who’s doing the exact same thing Adachi’s done in the past and Adachi is sick of that. he hates himself. and he’ll hate a kid for acting the same way. He’ll project so much he’ll fix another person’s mistakes not out of pure goodness of his heart, but because he doesnt like himself as a person no matter how much he tries to deflect these thoughts in his own head.

Adachi’ll scoff and nitpick Narukami because he doesn’t want to admit this better version of him is better. That he’s not this other guy, but rather, he’s just himself. He complains and whines about Dojima and even says he “hates him,” but is everyone not aware he’s the second biggest tsundere in this series next to Marie at this point. they are COMPETING for that number one title.

no matter how many times he tries to sever connections for the sake of the other party, those bonds are developed enough for the other party to WANT to tie it back together. he doesnt know how to build bridges, but he doesnt know how to properly burn them either. hes sloppy at everything he does. he is gay.

okay sorry about that im sososo dizzy honestly. where was i. i talked about his issue with his Persona before and how it isnt his Persona a million times on this blog sorry i really everything's spinning right now 'and you're still writing an adachi essay?' hushup

Japanese Bubble Economy: https://www.britannica.com/topic/bubble-economy 

Available Video Link: https://youtu.be/0TkRLCGqT3g 

Arena Ultimax Manga Adaptation (Rokuro Saito)

this is a bit funny. i read it mostly for Sho like. while i do adore it as very beautiful adaptation. when it comes to adachi uhh. hmm. looks around. the rokuro saito effect. he did mementos mission too if you're wondering and what I mean by this.

I mean he did reinforce Adachi getting proper police training and essentially being above average to the top of his classes (krav maga, shooting accuracy, detectivisms, etc.). His humor and mannerisms are also delightful i think personally with the way they're illustrated and essentially visualized. Rokusai has his quirk for drawing everybody really pretty which he does really well for Persona characters, but it also caught me really off guard when he works on adachi like okay! sho breaking his ribs can fix everything itsok.

Available manga link: https://m.manganelo.com/manga-cn116859

OH now this is the section where im a bit iffy with the characterization here but i still like to reference it sometimes

The Golden Animation

Blu-ray/DVD Vol. 2; Bonus Drama CD: A Sense of Gratitude

Adachi doesnt have a big part here he’s literally there to help with the Dojima garden and Narukami plants cabbages for him.

Available Video Link: https://youtu.be/1SNKljdyUcY?t=640 (timestamped to 10:40)

Blu-ray/DVD Vol. 4; Bonus Drama CD: Boo ~ I bear a grudge on you ~

THIS. this, goodness gracious it was so silly. Adachi’s here for a few segments with Dojima in the pub. Detective yaoi if thats what you’re into I guess. He also sounds a bit cheeky here in speaking tone and the scheme he’s pulling to call Naoto to do their job while Dojima’s knocked out on duty.

Available Video Link: https://youtu.be/PasKTZtKx_c?t=720 (timestamped at 12:00)

The Animation

i dont have much to say about the actual anime i dont really watch it, but i respect the Narukami truthers out there. It’s just not for me, nor do I reference it for Adachi at all. why does he look like this

i dont have that much judgement to say if it's good enough to use as reference for Adachi besides it visualizing how much of a goofball he is, I guess I could mention that. I have issues of it depicting lore but otherwise i dont think it's that much different than what the base game pulls besides it different pacing to better fit the animation medium.

Standalone Drama CD Vol. 2: You'll understand when you get older

Not particularly partial with this one because the anime gave Narukami a face, like he’s his own character here. Dojima makes Adachi go to Okina and deliver something because his clown ass forgot to hand it over to the other prefect police who visited within the day. Narukami’s off to go help Ebi stand in line for a makeup promo and Dojima says they can go together. There’s a subplot with the IT where they think Narukami’s being arrested lol so they go follow him throughout the rest of the drama.

Adachi just hangs out with the silly billy that is his boss’ nephew who has so much kindness and generosity that it could get the kid killed one day.

Available Video Playlist Link: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2Wysh6PBhe_jyqxxIcyt_XrW6GcKHRn0 

The Golden (PS VITA 2013)

I scratch my head and wonder what they were going for with Adachi’s Social Link besides the fanservice. I mean thats what they did with akc in royal i guess. <- has my own opinions about this but im closing my mouth.

It feels a bit too… intimate for me? What’s the deal with WANTING to invite him for dinner… without Dojima around either. Like they’re a two in one package for me, you can’t see one without the other most of the time. Like Adachi’s slacking off work while Dojima’s slaving away by himself? I’ve always believed they get off at the same time or something because of the subordinate status.

I did enjoy the Junes segments though, it kind of felt like it was a good placement—if you move things around a bit. Him hiding behind your back while you’re doing groceries so it looks like he’s busy was a bit funny, and him chatting you up while you’re supposed to be busy yourself is also silly if you consider that Bancho himself wants to bail and was just caught into his chismosa and whining. He has enough of a degree of association with you as you’re putting your nose into the murder case and that you’re his boss’ nephew, so that’s kind of why you’re the only few people he can talk to.

(pauses yes or yes ) i also ate ice cream where was I going with this

dont make me talk about the accomplice ending that thing’s pretty corny to me but also unnerving i dont want to think about it alot.

With the way things have gone for Adachi’s new characterization with the added Social Link and the new events for Golden, it personally made me think twice about it all, especially when his TV studio and Shadow self ended up the same. There’s a lot to go about this? (<- deranged) and I will admit that I myself got sucked into the idea that he’s an antagonist and couldn’t truly experience everything right at that point. whoopsie. Then again, looking at it at this point in time after a few years makes me realize yeah maybe this does make a bit of sense! The nature of the fog has changed, which can explain the drastic change in character between Namatame and Adachi. which is an essay for another day I really feel a bit out of it.

The “um” segment. Stuff I dont really like to reference nor put in the pot that makes adachi soup because im really iffy with it and how the writing was taken liberally for the sake of the audience rather than the reinforcement of source material itself.

The Golden Animation

The Adachi centric episodes 6, 7, and the accomplice ending bonus episode lol, as the whole Golden anime was really for Marie and other new Golden add-ons like Okina and scooters and ski trip and etc. 

how do I put this. im really opinionated on this segment it’s okay if you dont take my word for it. I dont like the production quality. The animation is honestly really bad and the artstyle itsnt tasteful with how it’s executed. There’s enough frames of Marie that people looking over my shoulder while I watch would call her Adachi. It really is a boatload of a cashgrab and fanservice that kind of adds new insightful things to the lore but honestly? I don;t trust it. Like the writers forgot what they were writing about and started writing fanfiction of what they originally made.

It did give some insight with Adachi, but I hate how they just made Narukami the way he is for this adaptation. Like the boy does have all the time in world and hes not an overworked high-schooler with so many commitments now he can… make a man dinner and deliver it to him…? I would definitely say “> Adachi doesn't seem to lead a nutritionally balanced life...” and leave it at that, i am not making him dinner i dont have time for that. can someone get this guy a girlfriend please. Don’t get me started how they treated his character development and lore surrounding him overall im sick of it. At least Sogabe made it all look pretty.

anyway here’s the part where i can add my closing thoughts as someone who fills a niche solely because they think and enjoy things so differently than the present majority. I don’t think im mature enough to enjoy things peacefully in a community full of different people but also because im losing the idgaf war myself. I’m glad I can enjoy a media in general and I’m so happy when people can enjoy it with me. (had to stop the cat from clawing on the vacuum he likes the texture apparently) where was I

hold my hand as i go through a hundred coming of age arcs in my life and that one day i wont be as embarrassed as i am now to admit i like tohru adachi as a character and talk about him with a restraint so childish because I dislike how a majority depict him. he’s part of my journey as i learn things about myself as much as mimi but in a more human way because. hes human. or something. one day i can forget his reputation in the community and create all the things i make with pure love that is not fueled by spite to be right and correct. I already know i am right and correct because everyone can enjoy things their own way and find things that they like in one thing that are different from things others like. for now, i will still treat him like an insufferable uncle older brother thing whose arm i periodically chew on until i reach bone and let him carry me back to bed when im tired of being annoyed of him. 

[m0e-ru]

happy monday once again! since im sharing what’s a bunch of stupid witty posts in my draft, I might as well bring out this thing.

I’ll re-debut gsaslau at some point, but here’s what feels like the 6th iteration of the timeline for it after 1000000 attempts of putting it in order.

As of queuing this, I have barely written proper synopses for half of the notes nor have I actually transferred it onto the board itself from the app i wrote it on. But I’m just hoping this is more than the nothing I’ve put out over the years than how much I’ve actually worked on this AU in the dark.

Because this is one of the hundred attempts of making it, there’s a lot of stuff i have no idea where to put nor have I actually put it down yet, but it’s the basic gist and flow of everything. And regarding everything that’s actually written, take it with a shaker of salt because I have not proofread anything at all. This thing is essentially a giant wip of things if you’ve seen kairou already.

[m0e-ru]

The door jingled as the detective entered the convenience store. His tired eyes habitually looked over the counter, to which the red uniformed employee went, “…’elcome, sir,” in a gentle voice.

“Hmph,” Adachi scoffed. ‘Guess this idiot finally understood what an inside voice was.’

But of course, there was more to it than that.

finished a wip from a while ago yippiee 🎉 just wanted to formally write more of my au and the two of them together

[m0e-ru]

is teddie included as an izanagi in that post? i dont think ive heard that take before

in the first reblog of that post, I mentioned in the tags that he's like "the son of god" to me

I'm not sure if I ever explained it properly, but some personal headcanon of mine and something I do utilize for this au is that Teddie is connected to Izanami, as if he's really their son. He's not necessarily supposed to represent any one of the myth's Izanami's 10482819 children, I just believe he came from another, more subtle fragment of Izanami-no-Mikoto when it broke apart to its major pieces, that being Marie and the Iznmi right now. It's like you cut a pastry in half and he's like, a big crumb that falls off because you can't really split it properly.

And to me, Teddie is mostly his own creation, compared to Marie and Iznmi who inherit the more direct identity and duties of Izanami-no-Mikoto. To reiterate briefly, Izanami-no-Mikoto's 3 main duties is to "walk with man (you can interpret this as manifesting as a human or at least with a humanoid appearance and be in the human world)" "protect mankind (which is essentially keep them from harm in a guardian diety kind of way)" and "grant their wishes (which is answering their need for a guardian and other such things people in Inaba would ask for and desire as a collective)". While some things like being a guardian is clear to Marie, and how granting wishes no matter how self-destructive is clear to Iznmi, and that they both have a humanoid manifestation and appear in the human world to interact to people, Teddie's identity is something that came from himself and what he experienced as his own existence and entity outside of Izanami.

Imagine, like, it's more of a bit of Izanami-no-Mikoto's essence fell rogue and acted as a catalyst for the ego of a new entity, which came as the form of a Shadow, instead of an actual deity or something major like Marie or Izanami; That's Teddie. When people started falling into the TV World and the IT came around, he wanted to be around people as a sort of instinct and answering his connection to humans. Thus, he gathered what he could find from the collective unconscious and crafted a form that was friendly and approachable to humans, which was a mascot. You could say Yosuke officially named him because of hearing his "kuma" speaking quirk in the original Japanese writing.

Some of the evidence for my headcanon would be of his knowledge of the TV World he probably shouldn't have. He can explain a lot of stuff (albeit for exposition's sake and convenient writing) about his own home and adamantly refers to it as his home. He can say that TV Studios (dungeons) manifest as the "reality" for the ego that is present in the TV World (victims that fall in). Even his nose is very sensitive to smells, which is enough to navigate the TV World, such as recognizing other Shadows and if they're violent or not, other people and can interpret what their issues are from the TV Studios he enters. Like Rise recognizing the instability and restlessness of the TV Studios through her Persona, Teddie can do that too that because it's built into him. Even at the very end of the game, he can "recall" that the TV World that was just an eerie TV Station was originally a vibrant forest full of life, which was what the collective unconscious was before it became hollowed after desiring to hide the truth.

Another piece of evidence I like to pivot more on is the fact he can make conduits from the TV world to the human world. The Investigation Team conclude there are no entities from the TV World that could exit on its own, hence, only a diety like Iznmi could have given handshakes and powers to enter the TV World, or a powerful individual such as Margaret, a Velvet Room attendant, made a temporary conduit from Marie's tomb (her Hollow Forest) to the human world in the mountaintop. It would be dangerous for every Shadow to have the skill to straight up leave the TV World. You could also say regular Shadows don't have the desire to leave the TV World, unlike Teddie, so they just stay where the fog lingers most. But I would like to emphasize the former statement. Even if Shadows could leave on their own, they have to be granted access by Iznmi to reenter the TV World, unless leaving also meant being able to return just as easily. So, Teddie has some of the power of god to make these portals out of the TV World and reenter with no issue; he just doesn't have enough power to merge realities or something lol.

I do like to entertain the idea that Teddie is connected to the Izanamis, or even say he's like the son of god, all for funsies. I mean, it's already a coincidence that Kagutsuchi took his face and is already canonically Iznmi's son in myth and in the game itself. It's like they're brothers in a way, which makes their rivalry (ri-bear-ly??) even funnier to me.

So no, I don't consider Teddie as an Izanagi, nor an Izanami. I don't necessarily think he has a counterpart in the myth like Kagutsuchi either. He's just Teddie. He's the son of god, which means he's son of the people, as he came from their collective ego, of course. He's an impressionable child who just so happened to be influenced by not the best influence and made him into what he was. And from there, he's off to make himself more "Teddie" than ever.

[m0e-ru]

izanami is such a fucking asshole with Marie that she says—she's TOLD—she's a "spy" on humanity. a little fucking prick decided by the same bitch that lied to her face like it was breathing. I mean, you can't say iznmi's wrong right now because they know that you kept her alive. Which meant they were there at her tomb (BECAUSE THEY WERE THERE TO PERSONALLY CLOSE HER CASKET). BUT this fucking bastard laughs when they notice for the first time that you have the comb. the comb they should be full aware of where it's going, which hands it's being passed to—IF THEY WERE AWARE IN THE FIRST PLACE. if they actually USED Marie as the spy she was made to believe she is. She's the perfect vessel, the perfect walking nanny cam for Inaba, but NO. the ONLY time izanami has ever seen through her was in her tomb. has ever used her. has ever possessed her. in the realm definitely not for humans. the world they were born in and not an external factor to the nature of their birth.

BITCH gives a poor girl, dressed up as the representation of personality and rebellion and her poet aspect showing her loneliness and isolation, a false sense of purpose right when she was born. that she's just a trashcan for fog with a tomb adorned in flowers and memories at its dumpsite. that she was there to watch people and walk around the human world to remember nothing and be remembered by nobody. if yaldaboath can kick an old man out of his stupid blue office, what more than izanami using a child as a periscope in their guinea pig's dreambase of operations and understand the power of Persona and Truth and Bonds and counteract these meddling kids' and their Power of Friendship in stopping the formation of the New World where they can grant the majority's wish to live in lies and their stupid shitfuck fog.

not that I'm saying I do want god to make full use of their powers and have a better advantage at rigging their social experiment that already concluded by this point but like. fucking asshole didn't even need Marie. so why. put her through so much unnecessary grief. why not dispose her form the start when she'd be thrown away in the end anyway. why make her go through this field trip to remember the home she loves and protects if she could only remember.

why make her suffer through this humanity both of you were supposed to have. make her believe she's nothing and have her put herself to sleep quietly pushing away all the people she loves and who love her when you'll just make fun of her entire existence. did you do this to laugh? were the humans you born from give you the template to make people who search for the truth suffer? that anyone thinking of protecting these selfish masses should just die? that developing humanity is a bad thing? that that's your humor? could you not kill her yourself? was this only for your entertainment? a sick representation of the people who gave birth to you truly are?

[m0e-ru]

CUSTOMER HAS SPOKEN @flyhighaangle​ im here to serve but all im handing you is a sad stack of papers held together by staples and binder clips made up of yellow note, misprinted invoices and the empty backs of fliers that also have oil stains on them and probably a bit charred in one corner.

so like. this is pretty personal in a way it hasn't really been formatted right and everything's probably all over the place also stuff might be out of context besides the notes I've put in. in general, I really do try and make a point to describe the attendant as his own character, also explaining how or why this is as iznmi plays him. motivations and circumstances as one of god's roles etc etc

I might be gatekeeping this au for too long because perfectionism and time hate me specifically but I do want to make things clear with writing and other art than just saying things out in the open like this. like cooking and you need all the ingredients or else it's all going to fall apart something something OKAY goodnight okyakusantachi happy mimi I love ou all

[m0e-ru]

I meant to send this yesterday buy Forgot but it's 3/20 for me now (yay :3) I actually had something else to say but got up writing this ask and that thought left sooo please any new thought for your au :3? Please say as much as you want, I would like to hear it the stage is yours!

hey ahhh I love okyakusan I love enablers . im going to be the most annoying person on this soapbox. also literally rewriting this because I lost the note this was in like I said not writing it in Tumblr post would be a better idea OH WELL ! I was just spouting nonsense there anyway what was I talking about. ohh right my Adachi rightt right….

The thing with Adachi and how he’s kept me up at nights is how much there is to do with him. In this case with gsaslau, he’s not just “empty,” he’s “emptied”

While I write like there’s a million subplots going on simultaneously in this au (which is. right) the thing about Adachi being the central character somewhat is because of his bond with Mim and what that means for everyone’s Gas Station Attendant Social Link

If we did consider myth, then yeah, we have Izanagi and Izanami; Souji and Marie, Adachi and well. Yeah.

There is significance to each other’s life by the motif of this myth alone. Not even being specific if they’re family, friends, lovers, or adversaries, because it could be that secret third thing (‘you have more than three options’ yeah I know that)

Mim and Adachi’s relationship is so special in a way that it’s like that Tumblr post it’s like. It’s like this

God’s goal of their social experiment was there to truly determine what humans wanted. Sure, they were born out of the desire to veil the truth and accept more palatable blissful lies, but they went out of their way to confirm that and see if humans had the strength to see past it all and live their lives in truth as they’d always been.

Choosing three human individuals with the qualities at the end of the spectrum and the in-between: to be full of Hope, or full of Despair, or to be nothing but a swirling black hole of Emptiness.

That Izanami tried to push the limits of these qualities as well. How far can Hope be hopeful before falling to despair. Can that of Despair actually stand on his own to feet and be hope for everyone else. Can Emptiness… not be empty.

Izanami saw a literal blank slate enter Inaba. Not anybody who’s lived in Inaba their entire life (Namatame), not anybody who’s returned to Inaba to live their life (Souji). God peeked inside a man’s hollow heart and decided to fill it. Besides taking the most convenient human occupation for that moment, the attendant may as well have come out of that mold and was there to be everything Adachi needed. Trimming out any excess, filling up bubbled spots, polishing everything here and there as time went by. Having to be there for the other pawns they want to keep a close eye on and changing and adapting like a clay doll, remolded and and reshaped to their will, but otherwise staying the same to the mold it first came out from.

Until the imperfections couldn’t be hidden. The fog was seeping, the maggots were crawling, the rot was wafting, the scars were showing. But there should be more to an attendant than working at the gas station, right? Let him have wishes to take care of his home. Never figure out where he goes when it’s not raining. Don’t ask for his name but rather know him by all the things he talks about that is everything but anything about him.

God just made a puppet just enough for the humans they needed to get close to. And what if the self-sabotaging man says he doesn’t like idiots, maybe that’s exactly what he needs. What if he needs someone so much that isn’t like him that he can just be himself. What if he needs something to take care of because he can’t take care of himself. Give him something he’s good at doing and he’ll do it. Give him someone who won’t care what he’s doing and just enjoy him for the person he is. Then take it all away just to see how empty he can get.

What’s worse than being having nothing the whole time—actually having something and now you lose it? What’s the point of learning to love having never loved before then all if it’s taken from you? Why be filled to the brim from a half empty glass only to be tipped over and have your heart spill all over the floor? Was it just better to be empty the whole time, or be emptied from being so full?

Mim literally had a Teddie moment and said “wow I’ll make something so loved and appreciated just so I can stay close to the things I need to monitor” then fucking realized “hey I like it this way actually maybe bonds are a good thing.” Then they remember they have a fucking JOB to do and they’re like “ohh just kidding im a fucking monster they won’t love the real me anyway (god)” and do a Marie and take everyone’s memories of them— the attendant. Because they don’t just want to make a separate sentient being of the identity they just accepted was their own self. If there was going to be an attendant, it would be them. But since they can’t be there, then there’s also no attendant to keep these memories and hearts occupied.

They ran away hoping to cut off all their bonds so people won’t regret associating with a monster, leaving a bunch of people with botched memories and holes in their lives. And they did a really bad job at cleaning up, that there are people who are still chasing after them because these people care. And they don’t WANT these people to pursue the truth because they’ll be so disappointed. Mim ends up trying to erase themself entirely so there’s nothing to chase. The world would be so free and pristine and clear of their influence because they’re gone DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR TO YOU

Mim saw Adachi and said “how can I stay close to this fucking miserable man who I need to use to stimulate this city and get the results I need” then subsequently poured themself into a mold of the emptiness in his heart and out came the attendant. Look at this guy who’s so stupid, who’s an actual idiot, a prettyboy who knows nothing about the outside world, who has a skull so thick and a humor so odd. Literally everything Adachi isn’t—but that was the point. Bitch just interpreted the emptiness inside him and filled him and now they’re fucking worsties besties it’s ridiculous. This is what watching chair car adventure 100000000000 times does to a motherfucker

Mim’s stupid foggy attendant body starts literally melting in the summer heat. Anxious that people would call them out, but being sympathized with and being told they’re just not good in the heat, like other humans. Getting callouses so rough and actually bleeding from a cut on their finger when they thought fog would just seep out. Putting their hand in in their mouth and actually tasting the oil and wax they’ve been working with the whole time. Getting so hot or laughing so hard they actually get flushed until the tips of their ears. Wondering if the maggots crawling in their body made their way out, when the beetles they found in Namatame’s truck made their way into their sleeves and scuttle away. That maybe they didn’t smell like burnt rot, but rather car exhaust and gasoline and tomato juice they spilled on their pants. That maybe when they pull back their sleeves or look under their shirt it could be skin with lungs breathing and a heart beating rather than decaying flesh hanging off of bone.

Adachi learning how to open his heart to things and let things inside, while a puppeteer stops puppeteering and their smiles actually hurt their face because they can’t stop. Both becoming more human again in their own ways, the other quite literal. Both running away and sabotaging themselves for the sake of the people and the home they learned to love, neglecting to love themselves. I’ve made them both so alike it’s sickening even to me but it’s so fun I have dolls that are beaten up so much I drive their faces into the ground because that’s how I play with dolls and have fun SORRYY

And this is how they are best friends. Which is an essay that is just as badly structured but still expresses what I want to say probably. I lied actually. There’s more than one, but still.

THE two skits in visualive that matter so much to me https://m0e-ru.tumblr.com/post/690320733390471168/stopping-myself-here-but-i-hope-its-a-well-known

ESSAY 1 https://m0e-ru.tumblr.com/post/664354915309764608/you-dont-understand-how-much-chair-car-adventure

ESSAY 2 ✌️ft. more adachi I think https://m0e-ru.tumblr.com/post/667202694005587968/please-by-all-means-make-a-post-about-adachi-and

tohru “fuck this guy in particular” adachi https://m0e-ru.tumblr.com/post/691316103200276480/yknow-if-you-were-mentally-ill-and-watched-the

adachi touchy as hell compilation https://m0e-ru.tumblr.com/post/694208373929967616/adachi-touchy-as-hell-compilation

[m0e-ru]

one million thousand spoilers not complete nor comprehensive 1am au diagram from yours truly !!!! i will um. try to put more context below for the love of gods im so tired now

Why Nami?: Like an official name. Mimi was always my own nickname for them!

Izy (Izanami-no-Mikoto): technically an oc. My interpretation of who and what Marie and Nami were before they split from the same whole. "Izy" is a nickname i have for her lol

Kagutsuchi (Izanami-no-Okami); Why's he labeled like this? What suicidal tendencies?: Also interpretation of mine of his origin and how I try to make it more cohesive for this AU. Nami had already separated themself from their past personality (Izy) and was now wondering who or what they were at that point. As they struggled to define their godly and mortal identities, a new entity was subsequently being split from a godly whole once again. Nami managed to truly separate a godly self and their true self from each other, and now independent, it called itself Izanami-no-Okami. With "Myriad Truths," Izanami-no-Okami was defeated. Yet, the remnant not expunged by truths and now powered by the desire of solitude came to be "Hi-no-Kagutsushi."

mim also had a Marie moment where they thought if they destroyed themself everything in Inaba would be fine again, because they think theyre the problem (and one thousand other things). Kagu was also a continuation of this desire from them and promised to end their ass (yknow. like the myth). FURTHER. extending this. mim is also pretty selfless and when theres an option to sacrifice themself as an individual for the good of many they'll run towards that direction as fast as possible. making them awfully selfish in a way because others do want their ass alive.

Izy and Sho and Minazuki?: Kind of like a baby animal imprinting on the first thing they see. They met her after waking up from their coma, and with her maternal nature, she took them under her care. When she "split," to which essentially was her death, Sho bore a grudge towards her offspring, that employee thing and the punk girl walking around, after being able to recognize her scent. While Minazuki himself understands that this shouldnt be tunnel visioned, he assists Sho in finding a way to "put her back together," which leads them to make a deal with Kagutsuchi.

Kirijo related; Kurogamis: From the light novel spinoff Persona X Detective Naoto. During the events of PXDN, Nami gives errands to Sho and Kagu to simultaneously investigate Yagokoro about the "Midnight Site" and watch over Naoto Shirogane. They report back about the lack of a deity nor an unstable collective unconscious, yet they mention a secret Kirijo model android who, along with Naoto, can summon the power of Persona within the human world itself. Nami is particularly happy to hear how Naoto has matured with their new Persona they have awakened to.

Deity Rehabilitation Initiative (DRI) (IM WORKING ON A TITLE OKAY): After Nami's personal experience of godhood and wanting to protect mortals before they give birth to an otherworldly power they may not be able to control in the coming days after its birth, they begin their own initiative to travel around the world (Japan, at least) and meet deities fallen from power to help them see the beauty of life itself, hopefully letting them continue to exist and occupy their biological collective's unconscious before these gods die and newborn heartless entities come to existence.

Mira (Mikuratana-no-Kami): The second helped by the DRI (first was kagu lol i think). Was picked up after the defeat by the Kizuna Dancers. Is now back as a guardian for the city it was born from, also working as costume designer and prodigy talent among Takura Productions, and is close with the girls of Kanamin Kitchen.

Yaldabaoth: Was recovered in the middle of the False Reality, later made to apologize to Lavenza within the Velvet Room and is now under Kurusu's care (i havent decided which name i want for pego actually). Acts as some sort of guardian as he shapeshifts into different mechanical instruments for Akira to be able to pocket.

Azathoth: Parasitic deity assumed to be born mostly out of Takuto Maruki's individual will. The most problematic out of the bunch. Many have formed grudges around it (and Maruki) from its actions taken during the False Reality epidemic: trespassing collective unconscious borders and trying to influence them forcefully, putting many guardian deties at risk of possession, sickness, or even death.

Ema (EMMA, Demiurge): God born from avid users of the AI EMMA, as instructed by Kuon Ichinose. After being defeated by the Phantom Thieves, she was saved to go live a life to help humans. She would be able to meet her sister again and share her own definition of what it means to help humans, finally free of resorting to the "optimal solution." She is made to stay in Inaba, a collective that lacked influence from herself when she was once an AI. Often confused for being related to Sho.

Zen (Chronos formerly): Once a good friend to Izanami-no-Mikoto. She herself did not remember much about him, but he remembered a lot of what she taught him. He guides Marie to her memories, cautioning her still, yet providing the help he can. He is not able to reunite with Nami, but they are well aware he has moved on happily.

Nagi (Enlil): The most cooperative of those assisted by the DRI. She is able to share experiences and sentiments with Nami and other deities. She has her own wishes to find Hikari and be able to see her in the eye. She is now a real movie theatre curator based in Japan during the 20XX timeline and shows Hikari's and many other independent works. She feels rather unsatisfied with the relationship she has with Nami, as they see her as their late mother (AWKWARD)

[m0e-ru]

okay so who’s here to ask about fish while i procrastinate on this fic /crickets/ okay good so

i don’t have much nautical nonsense going on so any sea enjoyers or boat lovers have anything to say please tell me anything i don’t know what the fuck is going on

I try to adapt the whole of P4 into a navy pirate sea thing whatever. Okay so the plot is that Inaba is this far off kind of fishing town city thing hold on let me draw it

Okay shitty ipad drawing. Anyway circular body of water which connects to the ocean sea or something. Civilization on the edge of the water or whaever

There’s fog that seems to concentrate only in the middle of that body of water and nobody can really get through it. People can get lost in it but they’ll end up somewhere outside the fog safety, they won’t get lost but they won’t exit where they’ll expect and they’ll never know what’s inside the fog.

When it rains enough, the fog would move to the warmer land and shore, then a storm brews in the area where the fog was originally concentrated in. It’s okay if it happens though, nobody gets to go outside but as also as no one comes near that part of the water they’ll be fine. It passes all becomes normal sooner or later.

and that’s what makes the town quirky lol. Souji’s parents are these naval based trading logistics kind of people and they also. travel by water a lot. Souji’s stuck being homeschooled or goes to some schools when they stay on land for an prolonged period of time but it’s never long.

His parents get a big offer and leave Souji with his uncle and cousin in bumfuck nowhere. But they also left him there because of this connection with the Junes equivalent of this au because they also have them as their partners.

Suddenly a mystery arises where dead bodies end up on the shore. They don’t look poisoned nor wounded anywhere. Their bodies look perfectly preserved besides the water damage, and the report that they didn’t die by drowning either.

The Investigation Crew is formed and they set out to the fog which they can enter apparently and see the Horrors and find the victim dumped there for whatever reason before it’s too late.

OKAY more world building shit where do i start ‘you haven’t mentioned the mermaids yet’ yeah there’s like two of them hold your horses.

The Midnight Channel is just like. If there’s commotion going on in the collective unconscious, people can peek their heads outside at midnight to hear the sea sing about who everyone’s thinking about. If you personally recognize who the subject of the song is, the song would be more cohesive and understandable rather than a melody without clear lyrics. If there’s a victim in the fog, the song will be about what they’re hiding and that they’re essentially letting people know about it now.

The TV world is basically the space inside the fog. The rogue Shadows are just like. sea monsters or something in the water. I haven’t figured out Persona equivalents though sorry. They get super pirate powers or something maybe then they get to punch fish with their bare hands lol.

There is no way for normal people to enter the fog unless theyve been put in by someone who can enter. And normal people can’t leave the fog once they’re in it either.

Just explained how the fog works above. Anyway, if the fog clears and moves to land, the “storm” has a sea monster in it as a Shadow self equivalent. It will sing a song about its human self, and if the human self denies, they’ll die.

Souji docked into town for the first time and there’s this boat repairman mechanic dock guy who greets him before local inspector comes by with his daughter to come fetch him. Souji gets a weird sea dream and apparently has powers to enter the magical fog now.

Two kids from his class tell him they can’t enter the fog and they try taking a boat to it for shits and giggles and to show Souji they’ll end up on another side. And they actually manage to get into the fog. Expecting to come out a different side of the fog, instead they hear a song of a distressed woman who hates another woman and is considering to end her own life. This sea lion manatee thing, idk i haven’t decided, comes up to them and pushes them out of the fog.

So a dead body shows up. Anyway um. Souji tries the rumor Chie mentioned and hears the song of a girl this time. Yosuke says she sounded like she was Saki and she sounded like she was in pain. Chie and Souji couldn’t make out the song as much because they don’t know Saki as much as Yosuke. And her body washes up on shore.

Yosuke wants to go back into the fog and Souji follows. Chie on another boat with a rope to their boat but it looks bitten off when they enter the fog so she cries. Yosuke and Souji meet the manatee sea lion thing and Yosuke calls it “Teddie” and he guides them to a part of the fog where the mist starts forming some illusion in the shape of the last victim’s reality.

SEA MONSTERS and um. Souji beats the shit out of them with the power of god and anime (izanagi maybe idk. lightning.) Yosuke hears his Shadow singing and talking shit about him and they have a throw down and he gets his powers and the fog starts changing shape and there’s no song anymore. They make a promise with Teddie they’ll make this part of the water quiet again and stop dead bodies from washing up.

OKAY DID THAT RENDITION OF THE INTRO MEAN ANYTHING . i could go on but i’m actually getting tired whoops.

okay back to world building. i’ll be honest i haven’t thought much about the IT because i’m insane or whatever.

Teddie is magical and shapeshifts to a humanoid form because i think he should do that. But he goes back animal mode to entertain the kids in the market.

Adachi was kicked out of the last crew was in and started sail boating his way to Inaba because that’s the only news he has of any similar patrolling inspector jobs he’s heard of and the nearest one apparently. He’ll be stuck in bumfuck nowhere until he can get a ferry or a better boat out but whatever.

He crashes his boat on the dock and starts yelling at the guy who was suppose to guide him. Same guy is dripping sopping wet from the rain earlier and also smells like fish, but he says he came from the fish market or something. Guy fixes Adachi’s boat and he leaves to get recruited by Dojima or something.

I don’t know how he gets victims to the fog don’t ask me about that. Anyway Namatame does his delivery gigs anyway and for some reason has an extra dingy on his boat to just. have victims drift inside maybe.

Naval logistics and deliveries are pretty hard because you can’t go straight across the fog, so it’s the long route of going around it. Junes equivalent group came around and had a bunch of imported products which started the decline of a bunch of local businesses but that’s how it was going to be.

The Velvet Room Ohhh S.S. Velvet or fucking whatever. Blue boat that constantly sails around the edge of the fog and is magical and never seen by no one but Souji. There is no one on the boat except like, three people. Sometimes the captain is there, sometimes he’s not. Margaret’s the acting captain but is ultimately there to assist Souji in finding the truth (a fish) and also babysit this kid she fished out of the water that he also met near the docks or something.

Marie amnesiac and likes writing poems and shanties and she sings them on starboard sometimes when no one’s around but starts screaming when Souji climbs aboard after he saw it sailing around and maybe Igor called him there.

She isn’t really human and she kind of smells like fish and the sea constantly also she has amnesia and says people shouldn’t bother with the truth and the fog and there’s no point trying to find the center of it (literally)

But she enjoys her new memories and experiences and will want to make more but she remembers SHE’S A FISH!!!!!! (siren) Then she thinks her voice was dangerous the whole time and goes shapeshifts fully and dives to the bottom of the sea. Margaret helps Souji’s crew to dive down and find her and save her but also realize there’s another fish behind everything.

HERES THE PART YOUVE ALL BEEN WAITINF FOR so iznmi’s also a fish (siren)

it’s creepy because they really do know all your desires and your character and what you’re hiding and they’re the ones initially singing the first song before the victim actually gets into the fog.

Covered in seaweed and white moss and giant molted exoskeletons and scrap linens, and underneath it’s just a rotting fish constantly bleeding decaying with parasites all over and bony and terrifying how it can trick you with its voices and songs. In their humanoid form they can’t stay out of water for long because they’ll start smelling of rot or whatever.

Siren whose species was once actually well loved and worshipped and is guardian of that land they're trying to engulf and drown because they've been forgotten in the greed of the riches they've gathered for these people.

Siren mother who gave birth to two offspring and the elder one who watched her die from human greed and destructive desire. So it vowed to grow stronger and give humans what they deserve. But infected by polluted water and parasites that have been keeping them alive as a zombie until they forget their identity and sense of self. Forgetting their own promise of revenge and not acting right they lash out on their own sister they wanted to protect and leave her to forget her own identity and die alongside the humans she adores so much and who she actually wanted to protect.

alsoim fucking tired. goodnight my biggest fans i am going ! to bed

[m0e-ru]

take this with the entire salt shaker. kais bullshit unproofread izanami diagram they made after waking up after a nap to stop their migraine until they were stupid and started it again. image ID in the reblogs sorry if thats also shit to read

[m0e-ru]

what does izanami think about the p4 party members? (preferably listed as individual opinions)

heehee giggles cutely twirling hair kicks feet trips and faceplants on the floor even though i wasnt standing. i will. also take this in context of my au although maybe it wont be so different as to what i think could be in canon

Souji Seta

Guinea pig no. 3. Hope. He’ll change the world, somehow.

Yosuke Hanamura

In all seriousness, Mim’s fascinated of this innate ability to draw people to him, even themself. They read his heart many times and is astounded by his growth. It was surprising to see him open up, after the fact the first time they met him, it was written all over this face that he’d “keep everyone at an arm’s distance.” Now he’s off to save the world, helping the people around him embrace the truth about themselves and inspire hope no matter how little his actions.

He’s their kouhai, and it also amuses them how he does make use of his Personas, if they were using the term right. He has many faces for everything, even if they all seem the same, they can notice the little things he does differently in front of every person. He’s true to himself for sure. To see him awaken to his Persona, even without confronting his Shadow at all, it intrigued them.

He’s… something. They were right when they said he’s a pure disappointment the moment he opens his mouth. But he is what he is, a true to his word adolescent facing his teenage years with enough trauma to count. Maybe they were remorseful his crush died, maybe not. He’s hardworking and does his best to make use of his already perceived (unwilling) class clown stereotype and light up the mood, even if it does make him look bad. They’re fascinated how he technically started this Self-Proclaimed Investigation Team in the first place. Without him… would their guinea pig pursue this truth searching endeavor?

Chie Satonaka

She’s a tough girl who loves her friends, so much she won’t believe she makes use of their dependence on her. But this love and gross morals can coexist. Her love and care was true, anyway. They’re fascinated of her headfirst nature and amused when her blurted out thoughts are actually right. If she had a TV show, what would she’ve hosted… a cooking show? Meat review? Food trip?

Yukiko Amagi

One of the first few Shadows that actually changed a bit of their mindset. Right after coming from stressed high schoolers with stores that stink of alcohol, or women who tied her scarf into a noose and had the whole room reek of that dizzying paint smell, all this girl wanted was… to make a castle, find her prince, and escape to a better place.

Kanji Tatsumi

She’s smart, she’s elegant, she’s funny and her laughter is absolutely delightful. Her humor is something they admit they can’t really pinpoint definitely. She hung up eerie paintings of each other in her budget castle’s hallways and invited them to a legless waltz during sound check. She called them her “queen.”

They thought Shadows were already beautiful enough in their truthful nature, but seeing them accepted by their human selves made them more beautiful. Konohana Sakuya was just that.

A boy who was so unsure of himself when he came and only little less confused when he left, although he seemed a lot stronger by then. “Fortitude,” if they had a word. His skill in textiles and prowess in handiwork were great, they had learned a thing or two from him if they had to admit. Having to maneuver a steamy sauna in a foggy world was its own endeavor, and the pursuit of “manliness” only made things more interesting. What more could humans trouble themselves over?

Rise Kujikawa

Whatever he looked like, he loved his craft. Albeit the society around him making him more shaken up than a soda can, just like all those other children. It’s bad to have those things canned up—“bottled up”? But he confronted himself and became stronger, just like all those other children.

One of the boy’s feats were making a room of fog just for them, amidst the set of his steamy bathhouse. And the handicraft of a teru teru bozu because they resembled one quite closely.

A factory made entertainer with her fair share of issues, but she’s a darling at heart. If only she could have found out who she really was before falling into a multifaceted madness that became a striptease than a maze of mirrors. it would have been funnier. she is just a child.

Naoto Shirogane

So desperate to show herself off, have everyone see her. For who she was? She didn’t know that. To have people figure it out for themselves? But it was them who gave her all these labels that tore her apart. That’s why you shouldn’t make yourself. Not even a name.

Outside of her accommodating work nature, she is an abundance of kindness and energy, keeping everyone together to get a job done. She works hard. just hoping it would be all for good. Having planned a wrap-up party for the greatest manager she’s ever had and for the guests and for the show that was never celebrated.

A child that grew up too fast. Languishing in a playroom and would rather tinker with knickknacks and a toolbox, making contraptions that he hoped could fix him. But it was not all bad as he donned a labcoat a little too big for oneself and practiced a big smile in the mirror with a little laugh along with bit of whimpering and sobbing.

Deciding which posters to hang up and how many driver chips a control board should have. Where the levers and gates go and the lazers and alarms. Passing on a skillful, yet simultaneously childishly crude draft of a machine that needed to be assembled indoors.

“You just need to be yourself” But is that not why they are all here? Why they came into the world from a heart so full of turmoil caused by their world around them?

This child is smart, intuitive, creative and amusing. Having let them experience a proper embrace for once in their time of existence. In character or not, it was a statement, that’s for sure.

Teddie

Why had this Shadow left its world? How had it left its world? How did he become something? Where did that ego come from?

He could not have been much stranger than the one criticizing him. But he was fascinating indeed. Where did his desires come from? The wish for affection his cold home could not offer now that it was void of it. How could he have already grown something inside him? A human, just like those he surrounds himself with.

This entity was so hollow his Shadow was nothing but an empty costume of who he already was. Having already used him to say their piece. Do they regret that though?

[m0e-ru]

the gas station attendant social link alternate universe is about the past and the future. it is about accepting you who you were and who you are and who you'll be. accepting every aspect of yourself, intangible and tangible. that maybe you are fractured, broken, fragmented, empty, torn apart, or one thousand different things. but you are there for yourself, whoever that may be. whoever they may be. it is about love and betreyal and kindness and malice and caring and hate. deliberate or accidental. it is about learning and realizing and doing something about it and doing nothing about it. it is about the constant pursuit of knowledge no matter how fun it is no matter how terrifying it is. no matter if it's a genuine drive or something forced unto the self as one is pushed to the ledge. it is about life and death and what is real and what is not. it is about accepting what is there and making the effort to make it different. it is about stagnancy and improvement. it is about being the same and about change. it is about friendships about family about relationships about the inherent love present in all of it. it is about finding yourself in someone and the choice to help the other to help the self. to fill each other's half empty cups and overflow with gratitude or spill out and become an emptiness so unbearable that the irony of a rush of tears come flooding out somehow. it is about potential and the need to pursue it and find it and accomplish it and grow and grow and grow and learn and learn and learn and live and live and live no matter what anyone says. no matter what you say. it is about god. it is about human. it is about the bond with the one god once called its puppet but lives in the role itself no longer can be called an actor. because of love. because of love.

[m0e-ru]

sometimes it’s fun to like look over to see and try to write my mim because i write them, marie and izy to be a collective’s definition of “pretty” like, yes, the game’s new poster girl has to look good and get called pretty by everybody and get mistaken for the protagonist’s new girlfriend that the first supposed love interest (rise) would love to strangle her to death whenever she sees her right next to him. so by extension, would that mean that the other aspect of herself born from the same directive to “walk with man” be as attractive as herself? that the whole she once was was considered a beauty by the people because they wanted a nice looking woman to take care of them as per their vague collective idea of the figure of myth Izanami herself before she was burned to death by her son, a literal living flame?

where i joke around that the shopping district wouldn’t be in so much of an economic depression if the gas station attendant all the way at the south entrance would show his face once in a while to direct some foot traffic back into the district. that schoolgirls would go there after school just to look through the window and hope to see a pretty man than an old couple at the register. that housewives would make excuses to leave the house just to fawn over and share gossip with the young man doing oil checks on their sons' cars and push their children over and ask why can’t they be more like this guy. that boys and other young men would get jealous of the lady magnet at some wacko gas station in the middle of nowhere when these same people would fall to their knees at his natural charm and amiability, for his courtesy and humor that it’s so easy to be comfortable around him and fall in love with, even

but all that’s out there is just cicadas chirping and stray cats and dogs about. Crows on trashcans and a rumored fox on the loose. That the streets are quiet as the traffic flows normally at each end of the district, instead. That shutters adorn the shop fronts with signs and notices taped up front, its text and ink washed away from the rain and faded from the sunlight. The kind and soft spoken young man, now a humble old grandpa only sits next to his wife who was once an upbeat young woman with a toolbox, now an upbeat old grandma with an artificial hip; her toolbox kept in the breakroom. That is, if they’re not out and about enjoying the rest of the fresh Inaba air away from their own station. It’s self service, you see, the people will do just fine.

All that they know is of the handsome gray haired young man with a uniform, that they never really had manufactured themselves, has been helping out, where the two are leaving behind paychecks with small handmade snacks at the end of the day. The opening was taken quite quickly, despite the small and humble hand-written note they left on the bulletin board.

Not of the god that stands underneath their canopy with the paint peeling off, its lights in the sign that burst and those that don’t even turn on anymore, who watches the rain fall or the people pass by. Who spreads rumors and gossip, and asks questions and get no answers. That the lies they’ve said lingers in people’s minds better than the being made of mist held up by the desire to hide the truth.

That only a sad lonely man who experienced loss can sense a deeper loneliness in this one’s eyes. or is it the choice of solitude? That a boy growing up too fast wonders why this guy's eyes have a sort of artificial light under it. or is it the attendant work? That the man who believes he has nothing nor can achieve anything is so mad at why this idiot won’t reach out for the opportunities right in front of him? Why this man born with everything won’t accept anything? Let the beauty he’s born with take him places better than the nowheresville for mess-ups. Let him be fawned over, let people cheer his name, let his face be known everywhere, let him be loved by everyone.

But he wants to be forgotten, be called no name, his face never anywhere nor loved by anyone. That out of every single lie she can craft there, is no escaping the truth of who she was once before. That she detests the adoration for who she once was, the name she once had, the face she has now and the love she drives away. She would rather tear her face off and walk with nothing to be seen, only with a body made of mist that the light could pierce and dissipate. But then she could not accomplish her life’s duty.

There is no meaning in bonds, and she is here to do her job, the one she could not do once before, the reason why she was taken apart and polished once more to complete a duty that was once deemed unsatisfactory. And she will do it right this time. She knows what’s best for mankind.

Was it a matter of pride? envy? fear? She might have forgotten, or never really knew.

author’s translation note here also under cut because i'd figure i'd snip it here for now. sorry it got narrative anyway where was i

OKAY in my written canon i want izy, marie and mim to be like, really pretty. all the npcs would be like "wow that guy’s cute." that mim could try to walk up to a bargain bin to stop housewives from fighting, and these women would just be offering their children’s hands in marriage then fight over that instead yknow. that adachi would call them prettyboy all monotone because this idiot’s just a moron with no smarts. except i’m a bit embarrassed to talk about this since up i have to provide visualization and offer photographic evidence as an artist then i get disillusioned because i don’t have the skill for it but when i do get something right there’s just this huge huge wave of euphoria it is CRAZY !!! like I need YOU to like them and think they're pretty. but since I can't do that I just draw goofy :3 all the time as I succumb to my SKILLESSNESS!!

adachis mad at this guy since he’s so pretty and has this natural charm that could get anyone to like him and this boundless curiosity and enthusiasm for things could get him anywhere, but like——he’s not going anywhere!!! this guy could’ve been scouted as a model or what. or when he was in high school, he had a billion love letters in his shoe locker, or was taken to the back of the school so much that there was a line of girls with their own confessions before getting rejected ,probably. this man knows how to cook, darn socks, tie ties, and get limescale out of car windows that this poor bitchless detective wonders how he isn't married yet. even nanako said so. in fact, adachis’s the one being babied like there’s a mother with no son (this is part of the stupid social experiment too. sorry) . this employee just can’t stop helping people. attending to them. like that’s what he’s born to do. which is also quite literal as a god born from a collective that wanted someone to watch over them and keep them safe and born from a mother figure from a creation myth well known. anyway adachis mad because hes 1) bitchless 2) (adachi voice) "this guy is also bitchless but the opportunity to have bitches could be easy for him but hes not taking that chance when i didnt have the chance in the first place so this is a mockery against me and what i've been born with compared to him" <- bullshit analogy sorry for that. anyway /recites the 'magic ticket called talent' monologue and im pulled off stage with a shepherd's cane/

while these three take the attendant for a pretty normal guy, spending more time with him and connecting some dots makes him seem pretty messed up. Like, this guy only works at the gas station on rainy days and says shit like “i’m doing what’s best for my home” and like, are you doing community work when it’s not raining, or what? This guy has no other guys that come up to him when he’s working and doesn’t have a lot of plans after working either, like he could STILL keep working the night shift and see five nights at freddys and he’ll be fine probably.

That he only talks about Inaba and gossip and rumors and chismis but never about himself. Avoiding topics of his own family and just asking so much other questions. Does he have any other friends or anything? Which isn't his kid coworker, or the ex politician who takes detours to this station specifically to talk to one guy who doesn’t ostracize him for the affair, or the detective who feels like he has the responsibility to babysit a grown man who shouldn’t have gotten the job that involves using a gas pump when he didn’t know how to operate a gas pump? that, like, he doesn’t know shit in Junes but knows the rest of the place like the back of his hand . like. is this guy living in the past? was his upbringing so old fashioned that he doesn’t know how to shop in mall? or use a flip phone? he has a PAGER for shit. When he’s related to this one woman and he steers the conversation away and cover his face more with his hat, does he have mommy issues or something?

then there’s the issue that mim hates their past self so much that like. they wiped everyone’s memories of such a nice lady and made it as if she never existed and stuff. But there’s like old people who still kinda remember her and relate mim to her that they’d go crazy and go outside and uproot a tree probably and rip their own face off. like, out of everything they can change about themself, they still hold the face of who they once were and it makes them so irritated because THEY DONT LIKE WHO THEY WERE BEFORE !!!! if humans tore them apart and made a new god to do the same work, then the last person on the job did TERRIBLY !!! and mim HATES HER GUTS !!! and literally said "I CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT BITCH !!!!!" but then they reconnect with human culture and relate their situation to a mother and child kind of thing, letting them separate themself from their past on one degree(? tier? level?) and see the situation from there, and it gets pretttty wacky. Old people who kinda remember izy also relate marie to her somewhat. like your relatives at reunions when they say you look like your aunt but you can’t see the connection until you look at baby pictures in the family albums or something

[m0e-ru]

Adachi felt the jingle of his keys as he patted his pockets to check for them. But his heartbeat stuttered as he felt something was missing. Had he forgotten something? What could he have dropped?—slipped out of his pocket, he means. But was that thought of any assurance than the last..?

wip of uhhhh. adachy. first month early into the au timeline basically. drafted this as his first dream equivalent ages ago but it ended up as just something i wanted to put out and establish . things. damn imagine if god tried to test your emptiness in the most unreliable and unconventional way possible like okay . “controlled” environment but the scientific method didn’t mean it like THAT

The detective would find himself at the central shopping district frequently as he’d work on his “cases.” Be it finding a petty purse thief or a lost cat—what would you expect in a city surrounded by mountains and hills alike? One would appreciate some creativity in a while, as long as it wouldn’t make more work than it should, that is.

The shopping district… Adachi had made it a landmark for himself of sorts. Some kind of recognizable beacon to return to when he would get lost in the maze that is Inaba city. It had also been awfully rainy that month. Was it a characteristic of the area’s climate? Or simply some power making his days more dreary than they already are? Besides that, it also meant he’d see that colorful character of a gas station attendant more often than he would like. The man would wave at him amidst the soul-sucking rain whenever he and his boss would pass by to canvas the area.

As much as he would get caught up in the employee’s flurry of gossip and well intentioned remarks, akin to the babbling and life story sharing of elderies alike, Adachi had noticed they’ve never had a substantial conversation with one another. Both parties learning just barely enough about each other to even be called acquaintances.

He continued pondering—whining—in his head as he made his way through the night, light raindrops pattering against his yellow raincoat, and his knees getting damp. The season was warm enough he wouldn’t see his breath as he exhaled, yet the rainy evening chill made him shudder as he walked. Along with that chill, he felt the paranoia of being watched. In this hick town? The old folks’ superstitions may have begun to get to him.

Adachi felt the jingle of his keys as he patted his pockets to check for them. But his heartbeat stuttered as he felt something was missing. Had he forgotten something? What could he have dropped?—slipped out of his pocket, he means. But was that thought of any assurance than the last..?

He spent his time thinking blankly as his feet led his way back somewhere, hitting puddles over the asphalt. Hands in his pockets as his legs dragged him to… the central shopping district. Of course.

The detective looked upwards with heavy and tired eyes, just enough that water wouldn’t fall onto his face. The dull and washed out yellow and red of one of the only gas stations in the area: Moel Oil… all shone upon by the dim lights of the nearby streetlamps. He always felt that if he stared long enough, the paint would peel in front of his eyes, and a big enough flake of it would fly straight into his face. Adachi already scrunched his face at the thought of it.

The canopy’s lights were off, something unusual for a gas station, yet quite usual for a city like this. Just then, the lights in the convenience store also shut off. Adachi waited for an little longer to see another man leave through the door, then squat down in front of it to lock it. From a distance, Adachi heard the jingle of keys as the man stood up. To which the figure in the dark saw the detective across himself, having seen his silhouette against the streetlamp lights and the falling rain. He greeted the dripping wet detective with a lilt in his voice.

With a hop in his step, he briskly came over and mentioned something he wanted to return to him. That Adachi had dropped something the last time he was at the station. He offered the last of his time on duty to go bring it to him, where he turned heel to the back of the store before he could hear his company could sigh.

They both made their way to the back, and the man in red dashed in the shower, while the one in yellow simply walked in a tired pace. Just past the restroom, the attendant ran up to the backroom door which he swung open as if it hadn’t been locked before. He disappeared inside with a squeak as his wet soles slid against the floor. Adachi didn’t hear a crash, but instead saw a hand pop out of the room which waved around, beckoning him inside.

He was told he could leave his raincoat on just as he was seen hesitating on entering the room, it would just be final mop work anyway. Wouldn’t want to make it more inconvenient for him, because city boys love the convenience of their home.

The room looked cramped. Storage, and even arbitrary boxes were piled high in unorganized chaos. It even covered the doorway to the store counter itself. Maybe that’s why the employee simply decided not to go through the front. Although, it was a bit claustrophobic, really.

There weren’t much lights in the room, besides the streetlamp’s lights behind the firewall which barely flooded inside the room, and the… TV…

The detective scratched his head. He questioned himself if it were midnight… Further questioning himself as to what made him connect such concepts in the first place.

Words slipped out of the attendant’s mouth in his usual fashion as he walked farther into the room. But there was something about them, though. They felt sharp. As what could be taken as insults would simply be awfully blunt statements from an honest man. Then again, Adachi wouldn’t have the best judgment as he yawned widely as the other party spoke. But if he had to admit, some part of that brief moment unsettled him more than it did offend him.

After shuffling through a shallow box in the dark, the attendant turned around and handed the detective his ID. Inaba PD, Tohru Adachi… he must’ve found it easily from the gleam of a shiny new badge. 

Just then, he looked up to a similar gleam across  the attendant’s teeth. He made a smile wide enough to show his gums, and the words he had spoken felt like

venom. 

Did the man insult him? Berate him? Share a secret no one should have known? Whatever the detective had heard, all he saw was that the man kept smiling, and felt his own heart beating. The red he wore was dulled down to a purple, shone upon by the light of the cathode ray TV. 

He stepped closer—or Adachi did. Whoever it was, the distance closed. And kept closing. The two colors of a caliginous orange and lilac moving slightly as if he laughed. But it was all silence.

It was at this moment the man in a wet raincoat realized he hadn’t seen this individual’s eyes. And would he have come to regret the decision to answer his curiosity.

As if he tried to squint, to squat, even, just to take a look under that brim. But it’s like the figure grew taller right before him, or he shrunk as small as a pathetic mouse. Was it darkness, or was it light? He wasn’t sure. It was as if all his senses were getting sucked into that view like a black hole, unsure of what he was looking at anymore. Looking into.

Amidst the feeling of losing himself, which felt like getting crushed under deep sea pressure, words continued to ring in his ears. Like they burrowed into head, giving it a texture of clarity, but also a murkiness he couldn’t quite describe. Like his respiratory system was clockwork, it made a profound “tick” inside him. Something he finally heard, something he finally felt.

He wanted to answer this feeling, he needed to answer it. Like the itch before you sneeze, and so desperately he had to sneeze. He wasn’t even sure what it was, if a response to it would hurt anybody—if it would hurt himself. He squeezed the ID in his hand, before a light thump and a muffled squeak was heard against the ground and

He was inside the TV.

His head dipped into the screen as it rippled, leaving visible only that stretched out smile.

“Shut up,” the detective spoke. In a tone he could not discern. 

Was it rage? Was it hate? Was it despair? He didn’t know. Did he even speak? All he felt was the heavy heartbeat in his chest keeping him grounded, as he couldn’t even hear himself. Only assuming the words that left his mouth.

He made a silent wish for his senses to return to him, but that, he would also regret once again. 

He put this victim further into the screen to get rid of something he couldn’t call a smile anymore. His hands were on this man’s peculiarly cold neck, where his hair also seemed to match. Bleached white by the light of the screen, it wisped around the detective’s fingers and brushed over his knuckles like fog. Just then, what he held felt thinner than it should have been, with a texture that couldn’t be described as human skin at all. Like he was still getting drowned and pushed deeper into the sea by waves. His senses were melting.

He felt frigid hands grasp his own arms now as this “man” tried to fight back. But it was more like it simply held him, in the same nature a mother would caress a child’s face. Until he put more and more pieces together in his head, what latched on him actually felt long and bony, and… critters—pests—slithered into his sleeves. His breath hitched in response to a sensation, which was already unbearable for him as he already felt like drowning. 

His own arms were behind the screen, along with the bust of this… thing’s body. He looked into the light of the TV, which felt like it were piercing straight through his eyes, but also light much too dim that he strained them just to see something. Ah, how many decisions would he regret that night.

He felt like he broke the tension of water when his own limbs enter the screen, where the surface rippled like a clogged sink. Rather than pulling something out, he was desperately trying to stuff something in. He squinted and his eyelids fluttered at the sensation of blowing wind, when the air was still as fog just flowed around his ankles from who knows where. 

And as if it stared back, two red lights shone through the screen. Like lights of electrical towers in the distance against an sunset. Oh, how he wished it were as elegant as that, when all he felt from it was that it was swirling with something. With madness. With discovery. With amusement.

Like how a voice rang in his head, he heard something echo.

All while he managed to throw a whole body inside a TV. What an absurd statement to utter—to even think about.

He wasn’t sure what that “something” he heard was. He wasn’t sure of anything.

The glow disappeared from the screen. The man had no light to look at the hands he held in front of him and what he’s done. He could laugh, but nothing could come out of his mouth. He couldn’t feel his chest as he exhaled. He couldn’t feel his face wrinkling to this emotion he felt. Was it victory? Was it remorse? All he felt was how the floor finally gave way as everything drowned in darkness. How he drowned into the sea as the tides pulled him under.