#sunwoo’s personality train: down bad

[sugarcherriess]

🧸 27:09

Warnings - Dollification , group sex (? You don’t get to cum and they don’t get to fuck so) with other members, asshole Hyunjae but what else is new, blindfolds, shibari, tummy bulge, degradation, reader is drunk but has consented while sober. Featuring Younghoon, Sunwoo, Eric, Changmin and Juyeon bc I was feeling these members.

Event Masterlist

If someone had told you a few weeks ago that you’d spend your birthday getting used by your boyfriend and his band mates for your boyfriend’s amusement then you’d laugh in that person’s face and kick them out of your house.

Granted, it’s not solely for your boyfriend’s amusement. You were quite enthusiastic when you agreed to the idea. And you were elated upon finding out that the rest of the band was just as eager.

So eager that you didn’t even get a warning before most of them were crowding into your room after dinner and you were blindfolded onto your bed.

Although the group sex was preplanned, the game of guess that pokemon member was not.

They had taken extra measures you didn’t even think of, like blindfolding you. And you certainly had no idea Younghoon was well versed in the arts of shibari!?

“If they dig into your skin… then I guess too bad,”

The rest snicker at his quip. Not that you cared… but maybe you did? These bitches knew too much about you and it just dawned on you that they’ll use it to their benefit.

Damn Hyunjae and his big mouth that tongue fucks you so well and–

“Started without me have you?” Someone calls when they enter the room.

That teasing sneer– definitely Hyunjae.

“Thought we should get started before you get too far ahead and we have to wait for another day,”

Changmin challenges him back.

“Yes but you remember the rules right?”

“No touching. We know,”

Sunwoo sounds extra sulky besides your head and you can’t help but assume it’s not because he wants to fuck, he’s excited its you. The maknaes really have no shame when it comes to you.

“Don’t act too sad, I’m being so generous to let you use my plaything,”

Plaything.

Getting called that so shamelessly while surrounded by his band mates makes you shrivel up into your own body. Atleast however much you can thanks to the intricate rope patterns bonding your limbs together.

“Tch tch don’t get shy on me now baby,” Hyunjae comes closer to you, his soft warm hand cups your cheek, “We owe them a filthy show, don’t we?”

The next few minutes are a blur as Hyunjae undresses quietly with only a few teasing remarks from his members. Especially Sunwoo and Eric.

Hyunjae grabs your ankle and starts gliding his hand up your legs to the apex of your thighs. He takes his time to poke and prod at the skin bruising under the curl of the rope.

He laughs in glee when he notices that Younghoon twisted the rope around your inner thighs in such a way that your pussy lips are pressed tightly together

“It’ll be more fun to hold it open this way,” he thinks to himself.

You mewl and twist under his touch, skin trembling under the burn of his body heat.

It should be criminal to be this exposed in front of your best friends.

Yet you let Hyunjae toy with you until he’s satisfied.

Until the wet tip of his hard cock is pressed against your unprepared hole and it glides inside with ease.

“You have no idea how much I had to fuck this precious gem to break open this cunt,”

A guttural moan slips past your lips at both his words and his actions.

His hands grab your forearms and Hyunjae tightens his grip around them, using them to fuck into you with an easy pace.

The sound of slapping skin fills the room. You’re sure, had anyone worn jeans, you’d be hearing sounds of opening zippers as well. Still, there’s something to be said about the quiet way they all settled around the room, choosing places to get the perfect view and pushing their hands down their own trousers.

Your train of thoughts crashes into a stone wall as Hyunjae’s head gets attached to your neck and chest. His mouth works its magic over your skin, tongue laving on the surface while his teeth nip and bite along the expanse.

He’s purposely leaving all his marks on you, a claim that even if they get to use you in one way or another, you’d always remain his to fuck and his to love.

Always.

“Having fun babe?” He asks, mouth pressed beneath your ear.

Now you would love to answer him, that you feel full to the brim already thanks to his huge cock and that his mouth is making your skin tingle in the most perfect way.

But you can’t. You know, since his band mates have taped your mouth shut.

“Since you like being toyed with so much I think it’d be best if you stayed quiet like a doll,” Juyeon had told you minutes before, while taking away your right to speak.

And you were so stunned that Juyeon of all people would think of something like that, that you didn’t get a chance to protest.

But it was proving to have been beneficial for you above all else because you couldn’t say a single coherent word. The push and pull of Hyunjae’s dick inside you is torturous– he takes extra care to make you feel every last inch inside your heated walls.

It’s embarrassing how quickly you turned to putty in his hands, not even resisting the pleasure for the sake of his mates.

The ones running their closed fists over their cocks to the rhythm of Hyunjae’s thrusts inside you. You can definitely hear a few of them moaning to their hearts desire, few of them even cooing at you.

Not that you can pay attention to anything besides Hyunjae’s cock pressing straight into your uterus.

“Fuck, Hyung,”

Eric’s sudden call makes the room still.

And then Juyeon catches on.

“Hyung we can see your cock through their stomach,”

That’s when Hyunjae looks down to your belly and finds a very vivid bump protruding from where his tip has settled against your skin.

He laughs triumphantly at this achievement, only in his dreams had he imagined making you stretch in odd ways to fit him in.

“Look at you,” this time his coo is directed at you, “You’re really obsessed with my cock huh? Wanting to suck it in no matter what,”

You shiver at his assertive tone and clench against him to signal “yes, yes, yes, all for you,”

“Such a cock hungry whore,” Sunwoo calls out from his place and it makes you clench again.

Hyunjae spreads your folds as much as he can and spits at your swollen clit. The attention finally being on your aching bud makes you sigh in relied behind the tape.

However, instead of fixing your aches, he adds to them by bringing him palm right on top of your clit. Your stomach jumps in shock and accidentally adds more pressure on his cock lodged inside you.

“Fuck that’s so hot,” someone cries from the other side of the room.

Hyunjae groans on top of you and slaps your pussy again. The second time the pressure increases, his cock twitches alerting him of his rapidly approaching orgasm.

His thrusts suddenly become borderline violent, hips smacking into yours without any care in the world.

“I love your stupid cunt so much,” Hyunjae hisses on top of you, hands grabbing and pinching any skin he can get in his grasp.

Suddenly he changes places, picking you up and sliding beneath you. Hyunjae sits you on top of him in a reverse cowgirl position and grabs your shoulders to push you down on him.

The change of positions allow the boys perfect view of your drenched cunt sliding on Hyunjae’s thick cock.

They can also clearly see the ropes digging into the sides of your pussy lips and making them pucker up.

Hyunjae cums inside you sooner than he wanted to, suddenly unwilling to share your body.

But a promise is a promise.

Once he’s done emptying his load inside you, he sits up and uses the position to snake his arms around your hips. Dainty fingers slip inside your slit as his cock slides out and your hole clamps down on empty air.

He spreads your folds open as you fall backwards on his chest. This displays your holes more openly to the awaiting audience.

“Make a mess,” Hyunjae says, “To your hearts’ desires,”

The first member loudly works his hand over his cock, the slick sounds reaching your muddled brain. Then his cock shoots his cum and it lands directly on your pulsing hole.

The next members also spill their loads on your skin, someone missing your cunt entirely and someone painting it even more than the last.

Your dazed brain lays on Hyunjae, unaware of the masterpiece being created on your pussy from their collective loads.

The last member takes extra care of your cunt. If you can even call it care.

His giant fingers mix the concoction dripping from your pussy, lathering it up and down your folds up to your clit and down to your hole.

“Such a sweet thing, letting us ruin you like this,”

Juyeon.

His finger slips inside your hole and he curls it around, digging the tip into your tired walls.

“Filthy doll,” is the last thing he says before he taps his cock along your clit and finishes there.

His cum comes out in thick hot globs, covering your blushing bud entirely and slipping down all the way to your ass.

“Maybe I’ll ask Hyunjae to fill you here,” he teases, tapping a clean finger against your asshole.

Your twitching body stills when he walks away and you turn your face to hide it into Hyunjae’s neck.

“Did so well, darling,” he whispers in your ear, kissing your heated cheek, “I’ll clean you up, don’t worry,” he comforts.

“Then I’ll fill you up all over again,”

A/N - 1700 words written to explore 🥛’s idea. I hope i did it justice.

Taglist - @chewryy @parkhonnie @from-xero @maybeifyoutrieddd @renjun-holic @heednpy @ilovechanhee @asmigirme @woowooju

[ava-achlys]

The Boyz NSFW Scenarios

Kim Sunwoo - Reflection [Requested]

Request: Strangers to friends (dom! Sunwoo), new kid Sunwoo meets the school troublemaker in detention. Tensions rise and antics ensue.

new kid! Sunwoo x bad girl! reader

Warnings: unprotected sex (wrap it up kiddos), underage sex, semi-public sex, slight praise kink, slight angst, mentions of bullying/misconduct/mischief

Sorry for the wait @l0v3bugch4nh33 but I hope you enjoy it! Thanks again for requesting 💖

What do you do when your position as the baddest person in school is threatened by some obnoxious newbie with equally obnoxious pink hair?

Mr Lee sighs for the umpteenth time as you tap your foot incessantly. He glares at you, knowing full well he has no effect on you. Every teacher that's tried to talk some sense into you or punish you has given up and resigned to waiting for the day you graduate, which proves to be difficult since your grades were trash and your conduct was just as terrible. You had to repeat your senior year and it just meant you had more time to mess with the teachers and staff. Why hadn't they just expelled you? Well, you doubt it had anything to do with the fact that you'd been expelled from two other high schools already, and your parents had offered a large sum of money to the principal to keep you in this school until you graduate.

You hated studying, period. You hated how rigid the academic systems were, and you had little to no interest in anything. Not science, not languages, not arts. You just felt stuffy and controlled all the time. That was why you ended up terrorizing the other kids and even staff, just to feel alive and free. Smoking in the school bathrooms, skipping class, vandalism; just to name a few. You revelled in the way your juniors would scurry away if you so much as looked in their direction, and even some teachers would avoid you. You ran the school, and you were untouchable. Until about a week ago.

Some new kid transferred into your class with obnoxiously pink hair and a slight accent from the countryside. Who even transfers into a new school in their senior year? Anyway, some of the girls were immediately taken by his looks, whispering to each other about how cute he was, and your classmates began spreading mindless gossip about him.

I heard he was expelled for beating up some teachers

I heard it was because he set the school on fire!

I bet it's cause he slept with a teacher

You roll your eyes at their stupid words, effectively shutting them up with a glare. As your luck would have it, the new guy (Sunoo, was it?) was assigned to be your seating partner, something your teacher belatedly realized was a very bad idea. In horror, she reminded the class that it was a temporary arrangement and that she was revise the seating plan, internally vowing to keep you two as far away from each other as possible. It wasn't something for her to worry about, you thought. You had absolutely no plans to get close to the pink-haired fool who was not-so-subtly checking you out.

Days passed and you tried to assert your dominance by acting out even more than usual. You swapped all the locks to the gym equipment storage and started a food fight at lunch, earning you a week's worth of detention. However it didn't seem to faze him at all, and he went about his business, staying out of your hair, despite appreciating the view every time you walked past in your short skirt. So what if you weren't abiding by the school dress code? He himself had flaming pink hair, which apparently landed him in detention too, since he wasn't willing to dye it back to black or shave it all off within the stipulated time. That, and he was caught smoking in the boys bathroom. Detention within the first week of school? You had to applaud him, even if you decided you hated his guts for being indifferent and callous. Only you were allowed to be like that.

A knock on the door brings you back to the present, and Mr Lee huffs when he sees the fuchsia mop poke through the door. "So nice of you to finally join us, Sunwoo. Your seat is there. And I'm sure you're familiar with the rules of detention by now, most schools are the same," your teacher smiles, a fake saccharine tinge to his voice.

"Afraid not, sir, would you be so kind to inform me again?" Sunwoo drawls, his big round eyes blinking with faux innocence. You resist the urge to laugh at the way Mr Lee is fuming, sinewy arms ready to burst through his tight button-up and you swear you could see steam pouring out of his ears. "I do not want to hear a single word from either of you. Stay put, and maybe do some reflection on why you decided to be such menaces," he spits through gritted teeth, storming off through the door and slamming it shut, locking it from the outside. You groan, slouching into your seat as you fiddle with your phone, already bored out of your mind. Your eyes are on your phone but you can sense Sunwoo's gaze lingering on you again. It's not unpleasant, but it leaves you feeling hot, and you refuse to believe he's got that effect on you.

"You're an idiot," you mutter under your breath, your eyes still trained on your phone.

"Pardon?" his artificially sweet voice is back, taunting you with that drawl of his.

"Smoking on school grounds, getting detention in your first week? Rookie mistake."

"What if I did it on purpose? To spend some quality time with the mysterious bad girl everyone's been talking about?"

You scoff loudly and Sunwoo is still grinning annoyingly at you. He stands up and walks over to the teacher's table, plopping into Mr Lee's seat. "You're interesting." He stretches his long legs out, resting them on the table, putting his hands behind his head, sending a cocky smirk your way; and you can’t decide if you want to punch or kiss it right off his face. You roll your eyes, uncrossing your legs and you suppress a laugh when you notice Sunwoo’s line of vision goes straight to the spot between your legs. He licks his plush lips subconsciously, and oh, what you would give to feel those lips on your body. You spread your legs just a tad further, and the smirk on his face slowly drains away, eyes transfixed on the wet spot on your panties. “Fuck you, Sunwoo.”

“Yes, please,” he murmurs absentmindedly, his mind racing thinking about all the dirty things he wants to do to you. You scoff, crossing your legs again, about to curse at him. You’re no easy girl. Especially for someone like Sunwoo, with his stupid puppy eyes, fluffy pink hair, pouty pink lips, thick thighs straining through his tapered uniform trousers and- your thoughts were disrupted by his figure looming over you. He had crossed the room while you were busy listing off everything you found attractive hated in the boy. He stands before you, round eyes darkened with want, and his hand comes up to tilt your chin upwards, his thumb carelessly rubbing against your bottom lip.

"Are you really as bad as they say you are?"

"Don't try me Kim Sunwoo."

"No… I don't think you are. I think you're actually a good girl, hmm?" Sunwoo whispers, deftly unzipping his trousers and pulling his erect cock out, perfectly level with your glossy lips. He tucks a strand of stray hair behind your ear, and gently coaxes your head closer to his twitching length. Your mouth falls open unwittingly, and you can't help but lick your lips at the sight before you.

"Such a good girl only for me."

A shiver rolls down your spine at his deep voice, and you find your lips around his tip, lapping up his oozing precum, your hand grasping the base of his cock. Sunwoo lets out a shaky moan, his fingers twisting into your hair. “Fuck, just like that,” he gasps. You bob your head up and down, swallowing around his shaft, and Sunwoo’s pretty moans fill the classroom. He guides your head up and down his length, admiring the way your luscious lips are wrapped around his veiny member. Soon, he tugs you off by your hair, making a 'pop' sound as your mouth releases his dick. You look up at him questioningly, and his cock twitches at the sight of your spit-slicked swollen lips. "Don't wanna cum yet, cutie," he grins, dragging you by the shoulders to push you against the teacher's table.

You hop up the table and lean back, parting your legs wide to accommodate him. You pull your skirt up, and he pulls your drenched panties aside to dive in, licking ravenously at your slick folds, causing you to mewl and throw your head back, nearly hitting your head on the table. He slides your panties off and his free hand sneaks up your body to cup your breast, massaging it through your shirt and bra as he makes out with your pussy. You clamp a hand over your mouth to stifle your moans, feeling those plump lips close around your sensitive clit, and you can't help but writhe in pleasure. Sunwoo smirks up at you from between your thighs, balling up your panties and holding them in front of your face. "Open up~ can't be too noisy can we, or else the teachers will find out we don't hate each other as much as they think we do," he mocks you in a singsong voice. You open your mouth to rebuke, but he takes this opportunity to shove your panties into your mouth, prompting a disgruntled moan from you.

Your annoyance at being forcibly shushed fades quickly when he sticks two thick fingers into your pussy, clenching tight around the intrusion. He laps at your clit as he pumps his fingers, scissoring them to stretch you out, his other hand back to groping your other breast. Your mind is turning hazy from all the stimulation, and you can only grip onto the edges of the table as you drown in the feeling of Sunwoo's touches all over your body. He pulls away once he thinks you're ready, making you whine at the loss of contact. He straightens up and you wordlessly stare at each other with lust-filled eyes as he languidly lubes up his erect cock with your juices. You position yourself right at the edge of the table, holding your legs up and apart with your hands, presenting yourself to him.

Your pussy throbs as he approaches, lining up his cock with your entrance and he pushes in slowly. The stretch burns deliciously, and Sunwoo hurriedly pulls your panties from your lips, muffling your moans with his lips instead. The kiss is messy, spit and precum and teeth, as your pussy adjusts to having him fully sheathed inside you. You break apart, gasping for air, and Sunwoo is shaking from resisting the urge to pummel into you immediately. "M-move, Sunwoo, hurry," you whisper, and he nods, pulling out and slamming back in instantly, shushing you softly when you unwittingly moan out loud. He continues to fuck you at a brutal pace, balls slapping against your ass, and slowly you feel your arms start to give way. He notices this, and takes over, holding your thighs apart with a bruising grip as he drills into you. He buries his face in your neck, his hot breath and warm lips on your skin bringing you close to climax.

"You think you're so big and bad huh? The students fear you and the teachers hate you, but look how good you're being for me," he pants into your skin, groaning when you clench around him, clearly affected by his words. "S-shut it Sunwoo just- ahhh!" your words are cut off by a hard thrust into your g-spot. You hate him, for being a tease, for taunting you, for threatening to take your spot as the top dog in school, but most of all, for edging you. He chuckles darkly, pulling your hair so you look up at him with desperate, wild eyes. "Come on now, ask nicely and I'll let you cum, babe," he teases, hips still pistoning relentlessly into yours. You let out a frustrated groan, and you grab him by his collar, pressing your lips against his. "Let me cum, Sunwoo, wanna cum all over your pretty cock," you mumble against his lips, and it seems to do the trick.

His thrusts begin to stutter, and you smirk into the kiss, realizing that big bad Sunwoo likes being praised too. "Your lips were made to eat pussy, and you just love the taste of mine, don't you?" you continue, getting bolder, revelling in the way a shiver rolls down his spine at your words. He thrusts erratically, groaning lowly as you cling to his frame, burying your face in his shoulder to muffle your moans as you cum hard, clenching tightly around his cock. Sunwoo hurriedly pulls out before he cums inside you, jerking himself harshly to completion, growling and cursing as he paints the side of the teacher's table white with his cum. He falls forward, clutching the table as both of you gulp lungfuls of air as you come down from your highs.

"Fuck, that was-"

"Insane. We're insane for doing this, really." you finish his sentence. He snorts loudly, shaking his head at the sticky situation you had gotten yourselves into. Suddenly you hear footsteps and voices coming down the hallway, and you look at each other in horror. You quickly straighten your clothes, hurrying to put your panties on and wipe off Sunwoo's cum from the teacher's table with a gym towel you had in your school bag. Mr Lee opens the door to find the two of you sitting very peacefully apart, and with any luck, doesn't notice the messy hair, wrinkled clothes, flushed cheeks or the stench of sex and sweat in the classroom.

He chalks it up to you two delinquents being perpetually unkempt, and dismisses the two of you, as it was well past the time your detention should have ended. You and Sunwoo duck around him, uncharacteristically quiet and meek as you exit the school together. Once you make it past the school gates, you both break out into raucous laughter, still not believing how you went from hating each other to swallowing each other's faces in the span of one meeting. The smile on Sunwoo's face suddenly disappears as a thought crosses his mind. "Wait… was there a CCTV camera in that classroom?" he asks worriedly. "Yeah. There is." you reply casually, and a look of alarm crosses his face.

"Don't worry, it's broken though." you quickly assure him.

"What? Who broke it?"

A devious smile graces your lips and Sunwoo immediately understands, barking out another incredulous laugh. You two share stories about the trouble you've gotten into at your previous schools all the way home. Before you part ways, Sunwoo smirks cheekily at you. "So… Same time next week?"

You gnaw on your lip as you consider. Maybe there was space at the top of the food chain for two, and that you both aren't so different after all. You mirror his impish grin as you walk away.

"See you in detention, Kim Sunwoo."

[haet-sal]

💗Masterlist💗

ateez

Avenging Angel Dystopia//7k monster!seonghwa smut

In a barren, dictatorship-controlled nation, you lead a simple life with your boyfriend Yunho, a pianist, too oppressed to rebel. As stories of the people in high society being murdered run through the news, you come to find out who—or what—is behind these killings.

the boyz

An Attic Affair // stepbrother!younghoon + sunwoo 5.5k smut

Since the Kim brothers moved in, your life has been hell. Sunwoo took over your room and made you sleep in the attic, and Younghoon… well, you don’t mind seeing him. What makes it hellish is that you’re incredibly attracted to him, and he doesn’t even seem to notice you.

Dream // Vampire!Younghoon

🔴REC//Juyeon smut, guided masturbation and fingering

Controlling boyfriend blurb//juyeon super short + clit stimulation+spanking+bj

Cinderella Boy // Juyeon 9.3k smut + angst camboy!au+cinderella au

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Falling Down... // Juyeon 6k yandere×smut

Guardian angel!Juyeon should stop her when the sweet innocent girl he looks after starts chasing her dreams and tainting her soul in the process… and yet he was attracted to that darkness in your soul, delicious and addictive. He’d never been so attracted to someone he looks after before, or worse, encouraged them to sin. At the end of it, you’ll be a sinner, and he will have… fallen.

if you hold me without hurting me you’ll be the first who ever did//Juyeon 3.8k smut, ROMANCE!!

You meet older rich guy Juyeon at a hotel bar, and the rest is history

The bad boy // juyeon-blurb warnings: 🔞sex with other people in the room, yandere!badboy!Juyeon, dumb!you, squirting, FILMING, people watching you get fucked and cheering, VERY VERY VERY MEAN fuck

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BBGG (Bad boy good girl) // Kim sunwoo 4k SMUT ROUGH, "slut" "whore" all types of smut properties

Sunwoo series - Bad Person Behavior

Kim Sunwoo, resident bad boy-slash-rich sycophant... mommy issues? Check. (Destroyed his mom's remarriage.) Daddy issues? Check. (Can’t say the word 'dad' without gagging.) When his therapist tells him he's got issues over issues and uses people like objects, what does he do? Doctor Shin, your wife has an excellent body...

1. Dangerous Liaisons // sunwoo, virgin!younghoon, daddy!sangyeon 11k

2. Do I Look Like Your Mommy? // milf!reader x sunwoo 6.4k

P1harmony

Maniac au // 2.5k jiung smut

svt

Purple Hyacinths // Junhui angst 6k

Synopsis:Your marriage to Wen Junhui has been in the public eye for 7 years, and you have a beautiful son together. As news of you filing for divorce hit the tabloids, everyone, even your own husband, is wondering why and piecing the moments of love, sickness, and strength together to figure out what went wrong.

Love, Actually//Junhui smut fluff angst 11k

Graphic smut, the story of you and your boss starts with one new year's kiss... or new year's fuck. Dilf!boss!jun

A File For Junhui // Jun smut fluff 12.2k

When concert-pianist-in-training!Jun found your music (before he even found out you went to the same university and in the same major) he wished to himself, damn. I wish somebody loved me like that. But what does he know—all those songs were literally, I mean literally, all about him.

Txt

Hatefuck // soobin smut, rough, sub!soobin

[heavenlyhaechan]

A Thin Line (Between Love and Hate)

Pairing: Sunwoo x Gn!Reader

Genre: enemies to lovers au, high school au, fluff

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: cursing, mentions of blood (nosebleed), kissing, childish behavior, cliche after cliche after cliche af-

Note: Happy birthday Sunwoo, I think we all know that I love you the most. I wrote this quite a while ago, so if it doesn’t match my current writing style, that’s why.

The shrill sound of the school bell pierced your ears, and you watched as students began to move up and down the stairs around you like you were a stone in a rushing river. Five minutes until class started, and none of the underclassmen wanted to be late. You stood up, bidding your friends farewell as you did so. Pulling your bag over your shoulder, you started up the stairs towards your first class.

As you walked into your chemistry classroom, you heard your teacher reminding you of today’s quiz in a monotone voice. You nodded absentmindedly in his direction, more concerned with the person currently sitting in your seat. He sat with his back to you, bent over laughing at something his friend had said from the back of the room.

Your friends looked up at you as you reached your table, their eyes full of apprehension. Dropping your stuff to the ground, you cuffed the intruder on the back of his head, prompting him to look back at you, startled.

“This is my seat,” you said, although you knew he didn’t need the reminder.

“Is it?” Sunwoo recovered quickly, his eyes steely. You had seen people tremble under that gaze, but you knew him better than that. You hadn’t spent a lifetime knowing him just to get scared off by one look.

“Yes. Now move.”

“Somebody’s cranky this morning,” he sneered.

“Somebody needs to shut up,” you snapped back. “Don’t you have a class to get to?”

“Mm,” he made a sound of agreement as he stood up and stretched his arms over his head lazily. “See you later,” he said as he walked past you to the door, his shoulder bumping yours violently enough that you knew it hadn’t been an accident.

“I hope not,” you said to his back as you sat down, but he ignored you.

You were surprised. Usually, Sunwoo just had to have the last word, no matter what lengths he had to go to get it. You shrugged it off, making up an excuse for his behavior in your head as you turned to greet your friends and prepare for the quiz.

—

You strolled along the running track on your way to the bus stop, taking your time as you were well aware that the bus wasn’t coming for at least another five minutes. Your headphones successfully drowned out the sounds of the world around you, including the soccer practice happening to your left. In fact, they were so successful that you didn’t hear the shouts of warning until it was too late. By the time you saw the soccer ball hurtling directly towards your face all you could do was close your eyes. The next thing you knew, your face was stinging, and your nose felt like it was on fire.

A familiar face came running towards you, followed by most of your school’s soccer team. “Are you okay?” Sunwoo called out as he reached you, his voice much too loud for your liking.

“I’m fine,” you answered as a crowd of sweaty teenage boys surrounded you like you were Cristiano Ronaldo.

“You’re bleeding.”

You reached up to touch your nose, and soon felt a warm trickle of blood that confirmed his words.

“Shit,” you muttered, bending forward to hold your nose.

“Give them some room boys!” you heard someone shout, and the crowd began to thin, leaving only you, Sunwoo, and the soccer coach standing on the track.

“Take them to the nurse Kim,” the coach said gruffly, gesturing towards the school building. “And be quick about it.”

“Yes sir,” Sunwoo nodded once before grabbing your free arm and towing you forward. You followed him, too focused on keeping any blood from getting on your clothes to pay attention to where you were going.

“Do you think it’s broken?” he asked as he looked at you, his hatred of blood making him cringe.

“I don’t know.”

“You should have been paying attention,” he griped as he led you down the hallway.

“Do I have you to blame for this?” you deflected expertly.

“No, you have yourself to blame for not paying attention.”

He seemed to be growing more agitated by the second. Luckily for you, agitating Sunwoo was your specialty.

“You know if it is broken, I could probably sue you.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Wanna bet?”

The two of you came to a stop outside of the nurse’s office, staring each other down. Finally, Sunwoo rolled his eyes and reached for the door handle.

“I’m not arguing with an invalid,” he said as he held the door open for you.

“And people say chivalry is dead,” you said dryly as you made your way inside the room, Sunwoo close behind you. Before he could respond you had been swept up by the nurse, leaving him to wait on one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs lined up against the wall.

Ten minutes later, you watched as the nurse called your parents to pick you up, even after you had insisted that you were fine to take the bus. Since you’d arrived Sunwoo had stood up and begun to pace back and forth over the old worn carpet. You made your way over to him, wondering why he hadn’t left yet. He turned to face you as you reached him, one of his hands reaching up to fix his hair.

He had pulled a mask up over his nose at some point, and his curls fell over his eyebrows so that the only thing you could see was his eyes. They looked at you, sparkling like there was a whole galaxy trapped inside of them. Your rational mind knew that it was only the fluorescent light’s reflection, but a part of you was sure that you could find the secrets of the universe in those eyes if only you looked long enough.

The sound of your name drew you from your trance and you started, blinking rapidly. Shit. What were you thinking? This was Kim Sunwoo you were looking at. The same boy who had spent a lifetime tormenting you, and you, him.

“Sorry,” you said as you scrambled to find an excuse for your zoning out. “Maybe I have a concussion,” you resolved, cringing internally as you said it. Sunwoo’s eyebrows twitched, and a look of concern flashed across his face just long enough for you to catch it.

“I doubt it; I hit you in the face, not the head. And even if you do, it’s probably not very bad.”

“I hope it is bad, that way I can blame you for it,” you retorted.

He scoffed, and you watched as his eyes hardened, returning to the usual cold glare that he reserved especially for you. “Whatever,” he muttered, finally turning to leave the nurse’s office.

You cursed at yourself as you watched the door close behind him. This was the first time in years that the two of you had managed to have a civil conversation, maybe even a friendly one, and you had ruined it. You hadn’t even thought about it, the words had just spilled out of you. The saying “old habits die hard” was proving to be true.

But then you remembered a more pressing problem: his eyes.

—

That night, your thoughts stole any chance you had of sleeping. While this was not an uncommon occurrence, tonight it felt different. No matter where your mind took you, it always ended up at Sunwoo.

One train of thought went camping, your cousins, soccer, Sunwoo. Another went from the outfit you were going to wear tomorrow, to the quiz you’d had in chemistry today, to Sunwoo. For what felt like hours your thoughts followed this pattern, until finally, you fell into a restless sleep, dreams full of the same boy who had been haunting your thoughts since that afternoon and throughout your whole life.

—

“What’s on your mind?” your mom asked on your way to school the next morning. She had insisted that you wouldn’t take the bus that day, even though the nurse had deemed you uninjured.

“Why?” you questioned.

“You just seem kind of out of it.”

“I guess I didn’t sleep very well.”

“Why not?”

You were tempted to blame it on yesterday’s accident, but you knew that this would just make her worry more, which wouldn’t be beneficial to either of you. You speculated some other excuses for a few seconds, before deciding on the truth.

“You remember Kim Sunwoo right?”

“How could I forget,” she responded wryly. You laughed a little as contemplated what exactly you wanted to say.

“I always thought you had a crush on him you know,” she said, interrupting your thoughts. You stared at her incredulously. Now it was her turn to laugh.

“You used to come home from school when you were younger and talk about nothing else but him,” she explained.

“Yeah, cause he was, and is, so annoying,” you said defensively.

“Sure,” she conceded. “But I also think that you’ve chosen to blow up all of his more annoying traits in favor of ignoring his more admirable ones.”

—

Your mom’s words played on repeat in your mind all day long, like the lyrics of a song that had gotten stuck in your head. As you made your way through your day, you tried your best to forget that anything had happened and just go back to the way things had been before yesterday afternoon. This method proved unsuccessful, however.

By the time the school’s bell rang to signal the end of the day, you were really, truly fed up with just the thought of Sunwoo. What right did he have to inhabit your thoughts like this? You had more important things to focus on, things that actually mattered, like your history final, or deciding what you were going to buy your friend for their birthday.

You slammed your locker shut as you rode this new wave of anger, only to see the boy you had just been cursing out in your mind walking towards you. Unfortunately, he had already seen you, and you watched as he detached himself from his group of friends and made his way in your direction.

“What do you want?” you snarled as he reached you, turning for the stairs before he had a chance to respond.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he said, more tentatively than you had ever heard him be.

“Why do you care?”

“Oh c'mon, I’m not a complete monster, and it was my fault.”

“So you admit it,” you turned to face him. He had followed you up the stairs, and now you looked down at him with a fierce look in your eyes.

“Admit what? That I’m a monster, or that it was my fault?”

“Both.”

He sighed resignedly, walking up the stairs until you were face to face. “Yes, I admit it. But if we’re being honest, you’re not the nicest either.”

“Well, you-” you stopped. He was right, wasn’t he? He may have been the one to start this stupid struggle, but nowadays you tended to provoke him more than he did you. And besides, you had been six years old when all of this had started. Were you really holding a grudge against Sunwoo’s six-year-old self?

“Okay, yeah. I’ve been pretty horrible to you too, but well, you started it!”

He laughed, his eyes scrunching up and his lips parting to reveal that crooked tooth that you had always despised. But maybe you had mistaken love for hate.

“Why did you, you know, start it,” you asked quietly, so quietly that for a moment you weren’t sure he’d heard you. But then his smile disappeared, and you realized that you kind of missed it.

“I guess I didn’t know how else to…” he trailed off, his eyes roaming the stairway as if the answer to your question lay there.

“Didn’t know how else to what?”

“How else to…uh, show you…that…I liked you.”

He blurted out the last three words like they were forbidden. They hung in the air like smoke, slipping into your lungs and making breathing difficult.

“Since when do you like me?” you croaked out.

“Since forever.”

“Really?” you laughed a little as you said it, your mind reeling.

“Well, since first grade at least.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I, um,” he paused, his eyes avoiding yours.

“What,” you said. It was a statement, not a question, but it still prompted him to continue.

“I was scared, I guess,” he finished, his eyes full to the brim with vulnerability. It poured from him, in the way his breathing had quickened, and the way his fingers played with his hoodie strings erratically. This was a new color on him, one you never thought you’d have the opportunity to see.

“Of what?” you queried, intrigued by this, what was it, nervousness? It was so foreign on him that you had trouble putting a finger on it.

“That you’d laugh at me mostly,” he coughed in embarrassment.

“I probably would have.”

He opened his mouth to snap at you, but you stopped him with a hand on his arm. He stared down at your fingers like they were alien, continuing to look at them dazedly even as you spoke. “But I’m not now, so,” you gestured for him to continue.

“I always thought that hating me was close enough to liking me,” he started again. “So I’d, you know, metaphorically pull your braids or whatever. I thought that at least that way you’d pay attention to me.” You could feel the phantom pain as he said it, the weight heavy on your scalp. “And then it became so natural that I didn’t know how to make it right, to apologize.”

“So basically, you’re a horrible flirt.”

He let another laugh escape him, pushing your shoulder a little as he finally met your eyes. “Like you’re any better.”

“I’m a lot better than you, Kim Sunwoo.”

“Oh yeah? We’ll see about that.”

You stared each other down the same way you had your entire lives, but this time you realized how ridiculous all of this really was. Hating each other, not because you didn't like one another, but because you both thought the feeling was mutual. And yet here you were. The line between love and hate is very thin, after all.

Before you could think any further, you did the simplest and most terrifying thing you could imagine. You leaned forward and kissed him. It was rushed and a little messy, with teeth banging and noses bumping, but it fit Sunwoo perfectly.

When you pulled away, the first thing you noticed was how red his ears were. You giggled at the sight, prompting him to look at you questioningly. You reached out to touch them, causing the blush to spread down to his cheeks as well. He looked down abashedly, but you assured him that it was cute.

“Embarrassing you mean,” he mumbled.

“That too,” you laughed again.

He sobered, staring at you with the same look that used to infuriate you to no end. But now, instead of seeing only the stone-cold glare he used to intimidate those around him, you also saw the blush that lingered on his cheeks and the stars in his eyes. Now you could see the potential smile in the curve of his cheeks and the potential pout his lips were waiting to produce.

“Cute,” you murmured again, and his lips twitched exasperatedly.

“Whatever.”

[sunlightwoo]

Run With Hell | Ride Along Prequel

☀︎ pairing: bad boy!sunwoo x fem!reader

☀︎ genre: summer fling au, angst, squints of fluff, bad boy au, lovers to exes au warning: suggestive/sexual language and content, mentions of alcohol and partying

☀︎ wc: 4.1k

☀︎ plot: summer hues may bring in the summer blues, but this one person you spend your summer with just so happens to be the one person that you needed in that moment. instead of the place that he needed to end up being in, he lets you take him back to your place and see where it goes from there, thinking that maybe it might just be a summer bet and nothing more than that. 

☀︎ a/n: this was originally a scrapped idea back from like 2018 and i never brought it back up to surface until recently these last few months actually from when i started planning ride along and then sunwoo’s verse in hate came out, which sparked more ideas!! so i hope you guys enjoy the prequel to it, in which you learn more about the history between Sunflower and Sunwoo’s relationship, even though this is not one of my best oneshots im sorry :( it can be read as a standalone, but it’d be cool if you read this and then ride along if you haven’t read it yet!!

read ride along here!

track one: moonlight | i never knew, you could hold moonlight in your hands

The soft breeze of the summer winds blew past your hair, your arms wrapped around yourself as your eyes were trained on the scenery in front of you. Comforts of the beach seem to have always made you calmer than you have been, and you think that these last two years of your life had been a fever dream considering the roller coaster of events that you have been through. 

You remember waking up in a hospital the night that your brother, Jacob, had an important race to compete in, and because of that, you didn’t want to break his winning streak by being bad luck. The moments prior to that were unable to be recalled for as the only reliable information you can get was from the doctor, explaining that you had consumed something before you had blacked out that had made you almost comatose, if it weren’t for someone that had saved you that night. 

There were often times where you thought about what had happened at that exact moment, but it didn’t distract you from where your mind had been leading you the following day when you were discharged already because of Jacob. You weren’t sure where he had gone that moment, but all you could remember was reading a note with his scribbles that mentioned where he had left it.

A final decision that he had to decide on with a gig that he had gotten for his music career was what he had been working on, and you couldn’t be happier for him. That following morning, you found yourself at the cafe that was across from where you were staying temporarily, eyes darting across the beautiful cursive chalk that was written on a board for the menu, and you couldn’t help but feel like there were a pair of eyes that were stuck onto you. 

With a quick glance around the shop, even if there wasn’t a line behind you, you noticed a guy that sat by the window with his eyes trained onto yours. An accidental eye contact, you might’ve thought to yourself as the handsome stranger had given you a small smirk across his lips, but you have already turned back around to quickly place an order for a tea that was taken to go. 

You had known who he was, considering his name was already spread among the city that you lived despite it being your summer before your first year of college. How it had easily slipped from your own tongue if anybody were to ask you, who is the biggest playboy that is known in your graduating class, and it had to be him. If it weren’t for the fact that he had an overpowering aura that radiated from him, then maybe you would’ve gotten to know him more.

But you didn’t want to, because you knew what guys like him were like.

It was guys like him that made you want to hide away into the comforts of your personal safety net because you knew he was too beautiful and confident to be good. A chaotic driven force that you think was meant to be encountered with was what he had seemed like, ready to clash into your lawful good that the more that you thought about it, you wondered what more of him was like if you were to say hello. 

Now it was a little over a year later in the summer before your junior year of college and you think that it’s comical that somehow the same stranger had caught your heart. After a semester and a half of trying to win you over as a friend throughout your first year, he was able to convince you that maybe hanging out one spring night at the beach wouldn’t be too bad, right?

“Sorry I’m late, Sunflower. Got stuck trying to find a way to park the car without dealing with some asshole again.” 

Your eyes look up to meet the same warm ones that welcomed you as the red hair he had coated this time around seemed to have blended in with the night sky. He takes a seat next to you and wraps his arms around his knees that were being hugged close to his chest, until he takes a look over to you once more with a soft smile on his face. 

“It’s okay, Sunwoo. I haven’t been here that long anyways.” You reply quietly, giving him a smile back as you bit back everything that was on your tongue. 

You had already been there for almost two hours waiting for him, collecting your thoughts as you wondered what the two of you were in that exact timing. There were times where you wanted to just kiss him as a way to shut him up whenever he rambled or said something dumb, but there were also the mixed signs that made you wonder if he had ever thought about you the same way that you did in the past two years.

One too many shared secrets and kisses were often exchanged, but the two of you had always remained friends with too many benefits as you found your way back to the other. It was almost as if you were magnets, opposites that attracted to another and now you were trying to find a way for it to make sense under the moonlight that was brightly shining tonight above you.

“Can you sing me a song, bubs?”

His eyes turn to look at you, who had been staring at him after breaking away from your own thoughts, as he nods in response and opens his arms for you to find your place in them. He wraps his arms around you securely, holding you close to his chest as the soft voice that came from his throat produced a sweet song that you easily recognized as one that he had told you about for a while. 

It felt like you were being put under a sleeping spell as you looked at him, wondering how even under the moonlight, he was almost the most ethereal being in the world. It was as though he was carrying that luminescence in his hands and placed it above his head at all times, making sure that whenever you needed to just be held, he was there to do so for you; another reason why you were so conflicted with what you both had.

However, maybe it was after a confession or two after that soft lullaby that it ended up being enough for you. Maybe being with him was enough for you, and for that you had also regretted it at the same time, because you knew that you were in for a ride with hell’s spawn.

track two: sometimes | cause we’re collecting moments, tattoos on my mind

“Are you ready for our getaway?” You hear someone say behind you and turn to look at Sunwoo, who had been standing at your front door for a moment now. 

It was the hot morning of July first after a long night being with him, and it was a spontaneous decision to head out on a little road trip away from the city. You wanted to go to the seaside, you had told him just hours prior, and he had told you about a little place that he used to stay whenever he was in a mood to go on vacation and escape the realities of the world.

So you packed your bags and were ready to go as you walked up to him with a big smile on your face, one that mirrored his own as he pulled you close. By placing his hand against your lower back, the space between you both becomes almost invisible as he pecked your lips in just a quick second, and you couldn’t help but giggle at the sudden action that came from him.

Even after a month or so of dating, it still felt like you were floating on cloud nine despite the fact that you had been doing this for two years or so already. Being with him felt like you were able to conquer on the world, and you knew that might not stay long despite the shared whispers of the cursed eight letters that were often said when you spent nights together.

You wanted to tattoo every moment that you were with him into your mind, because from then until now it had only felt like you were living in a daydream. He had given you nothing but love and made you happier than you would’ve imagined making yourself, but you were okay with also accepting the fact that it might not last long considering there were often times where you might clash thoughts and argue.

By the time that you both made it to where you were staying, you were amazed with how elegant it looked on the inside, despite the fact that it seemed smaller on the outside. You think that maybe you were in a movie as you looked around, but it wasn’t until you turned around to see Sunwoo being busy on his phone that you wondered if this mini getaway was going to be worth it.

“Everything okay, bubs?” You ask while putting down your stuff, sitting on top of your bag as he gives you a small smile before nodding in response. 

To him, he thinks that you are one of the most beautiful things as the sun was practically shining on your face as it seeped through the large glass windows of the house. It’s almost amazing that he found himself falling for you quickly, but he wonders how much of that smile will last on your face before he does something to mess it all up. 

He wants to tattoo the moments where he’s able to make those smiles on your face with his sincerity, the him that he wants to be with you rather than the person that he decides to be to everyone else. Yet somehow, there was something about your innocence to him that made him want more than just what you had then and now, but he was scared of what he might become if had actually gotten it all for himself.

“Yeah, everything’s okay. Let’s go sleep for a bit before we spend the night having fun, hmm?”

track three: bad decisions | You've become my favorite sin so let 'em keep on talking

He knows that he isn’t good for you.

His reputation of being the residential bad boy was no match for your heart, and you both knew that. After spending the first two weeks getting to know the ins and outs of the bay, you made some quick friends even though you spent a majority of your time back at where you were staying with Sunwoo. The way that his hands had always felt like fire on your skin was exhilarating as every kiss you shared was more intoxicating than the last. 

You could tell that he was getting tired of it already, because you’ve noticed that the fire that was once in his eyes was dying out, and you were scared of it. Even his words of reassurance of loving you and for not leaving your side by then was made, but you couldn’t find it within yourself to trust his words every time that he spoke of them. 

“Are you sure that you’re in love with me?” You whisper after the highs and frustrations that were spent into what you had done earlier had been let out. 

The two of you had argued about how he never seemed to have paid more attention to what you were doing when the two of you were out at the street markets today, his phone seeming more important than exploring the depths of shops that were opened by small businesses. You confronted him about it, thinking that maybe he was involved with someone else and that you were just wasting your time putting your love into a relationship that was one sided. 

However that wasn’t the case, as he told you that one of his friends was updating him on a situation that involved their family.

“Why wouldn’t I love you?”

Those toxic eight letters felt so foreign at the tip of his tongue as he looked at you, who laid your head on top of his chest. He didn’t know what love was, and he felt like the biggest jerk for also leading you on knowing that in the end, he was going to leave. He wasn’t sure when he was going to do it, but he knew that you were slowly catching onto his plan, and he hated himself for making you feel as though you weren’t enough for him to stay. 

He wants to give you the pain that he had felt once in the past, and ruin the sweet innocence that you held in your eyes. He’s heard stories about you as well, the same way that you had heard stories about him, and he knew then that there was something about the way you talked and expressed your beliefs that made him want to be indulged into you more. 

“We don’t feel the same anymore.” You whisper, eyes meeting him as the moonlight that used to capture his eyes so perfectly seemed as though it was dying out. 

Your heart was pounding in your chest as you watched him stay silent for a moment, his eyes still looking into yours but he still held you close to his heart. He doesn’t know what to say at all and he regrets it a little more for dragging you into this game that he started playing with his own heart on his sleeve, but he doesn’t know when he should stop, because to him, it feels like this game that he made was still not done yet. 

But he can’t find the heart to tell you to run, before he can do it.

“I promise I’ll love you more than I should be loving you. You’re my sunflower, the same way that I’m your sunshine, and it’ll stay that way.” 

track four: leave me lonely | you’re a dangerous love, maybe you’re no good for me

It was a little over a month into your getaway, and it feels emptier than it was when you first started the entire trip.

The nights that you shared together were less filled with meaningful words and actions, but more filled with moments that were there to make the empty void that was present full with whatever you two had wanted to do. You could tell that he was on the verge of just walking out the front door and leaving you because of how the increasing arguments that were made continued to be more present, and you could’ve sworn that if he wasn’t going to be the first to leave, then you would. 

It was another occurrence tonight where you had gone out to eat as a date, since you wanted to fix what might’ve been missing these last few weeks of summer that you might’ve not done. However, it didn’t happen to work as you noticed how Sunwoo was already preoccupied on his phone almost the entire time, and you were fed up by the end of the night as he was driving you both back home and he had taken the time to text back whoever it was that seemed more important than you, who had been nothing but patient the entire night.

“Am I seriously not fun anymore, that you’ve spent the entire date texting whoever it is on the other end?” You half jokingly asked while turning to him, watching as he had given you a confused look on his face while the two of you were waiting for the traffic light to turn green to go. 

“I haven’t been texting someone the entire time-”

“Then what did we do today, besides eat at the restaurant because we sure as hell didn’t talk the entire time that we were there.” You retort, the joking tone that was previously in your tone no longer there as he looks at you for a split second before putting his phone into the cup holder that was between you both in silence. 

The green light finally switches and he drives again as you could tell that he knew you were right, the silence overbearing you both as neither of you spoke afterwards. You wanted him to bite back, but you couldn’t help but be impatient this time around with what he had to say, because he always seemed to brush it off these days about what he has been doing when he wasn’t with you, or when he leaves mid-argument and comes back the next morning making it up.

“You’re just overreacting, don’t worry about it, Y/N.” 

He hasn’t called you by your name in a while considering he had only been calling you by Sunflower for a long time now. It was almost like whiplash as you stared at him, who was now driving back to your place with the night sky behind him and you wondered what you had even done wrong when you were just wondering who he would keep texting. 

Maybe he was cheating on you and he didn’t want to admit it, you think to yourself as you curled up into a ball in your seat and looked outside your window to hide the pain that was present in your heart. Was there could’ve been something that you might’ve done wrong that could just made him bored throughout the last two years that you’ve known each other, where it was you that might’ve been in the mess up stance?

That night, you couldn’t even remember whether or not you have slept properly considering he didn’t sleep with you, but rather slept on the couch in the living room. 

Was this what the start of heartbreak was like?

track five: touch it | Why do you say you want me, then tell me you're not coming in?

“How long have you been lying to me about everything?” 

Tears were pricking the corners of your eyes as you stared at the individual in front of you with your heart on your sleeve, wondering what his next move was. Your throat was raspy from how much you were yelling out of anger and frustration earlier, and you wanted to know how long you had been playing his game.

“Two years.” He replies, his facial expression never faltering as his hands were in his pockets and eyes boring into your own. 

His phone was placed on the couch beside you as you had found his texts with his best friend about how being with you was all for a bet of money; and he had won. All he had to do was to make you play his game and purposely break your heart, only to win some sort of prize that he would win at the end, but at what cost.

“I didn’t mean anything to you, did I?” You whisper as you cross your arms in front of your chest, waiting to hear whatever else he had to say, but you couldn’t help but wipe away the stray tears that were already falling down the apples of your cheeks. 

Yes, you meant everything to me, he wants to say as he looks into your heartbroken eyes, and he was willing to give up everything to walk over to where you were to wipe your tears for you. But there was also the thrill in his blood that made him feel a bit prideful that he succeeded in being the asshole that he made himself out to be to everyone but you. 

He had won the game, he acknowledged and it was over for him but he also knew that there was just a little bit of guilt that still lied inside of him. He doesn’t know what to say as he watches you start to crumble in front of him internally, and he knows you’re tired of all the lies that he had been feeding you since the first day. 

So he had decided on running away after he said his last words, because like you had predicted, he was hell’s spawn that loved creating a chaotic masterpiece. As much as you hated him in the moment, he knew that you wouldn’t be able to let go for a bit, and maybe this was his chance to leave so that he doesn’t have to think about you anymore. 

And he does as he walks away with the wind as he closes the door on you both, leaving with the sounds of his car already leaving and you know that he wasn’t coming back. 

You think that it’s your fault anyways for wanting to believe in what you had was genuine, with every time that he had said it was true. But like you thought in the first place, where guys like him wouldn’t last, was true, because now you were in the place that held everything that reminded you of him. You wanted to trash the beautiful pain that was in front of you, but you also felt numb at the same time, not wanting to do anything but to just mourn the stained heart that was on the sleeve of your arm. 

It was there for the world to see; tainted with toxic love that only you had for him, and it was now spilling out with his last words echoing in your head.

“I never loved you in the first place, because you were only just a game to win.”

bonus track: lovesick girls

The loud silence of the crackling fire resonates in your ears as you stare at the burning car that was less than 50 feet in front of you. Your knees were tucked into your chest as you stared at it, wondering where it all began to go wrong as the numbness of your heart continued to stay there. He had been gone for weeks, as you had expected him to run away for that long, and you hated yourself for falling for a guy like him in the first place. 

He was intoxicating, addicting; the one person that you had given your entity to, only to have it crumble up in the palm of his hands. 

You hated him and knew that this would be the last time you’d ever want to see him, since you were going to start going back on track with your goals and dreams. Starting next week you were set to start the fall semester into your junior year of college as it was now almost mid September and ready to run for the life that you wanted to have from the start of the summer before you had met him. 

You think to yourself that maybe it was him that had ruined it all, or maybe a piece of you didn’t want to admit that it was also your own for not being cautious enough. The entire summer felt like you were running with the devil himself, and that the air you were breathing in now, the very one that you can finally collect your thoughts in, were your moments of freedom as you blinked back the tears of the memories that had played in your mind of last night that ended it all. 

“All you ever did was run away from us in the first place, Sunwoo-”

“And I was wrong for doing it, that day that I walked out and left,” He says and you could see his eyes glimmer with what seemed like sincerity in the form of tears, just as the sun that was setting around you both began to make your skies darker than they were before. 

“But that doesn’t mean that I regretted walking out, because I knew that we would’ve only hurt each other more if I had stayed.”

The silence that was overtaking you both was faster than that as your eyes continued to lock onto one another’s. You weren’t sure what you wanted to do in this situation, because you very much so loved him and all his imperfect beauties. However it felt like he was the constant fire that was burning your skin with every touch that he was able to make, and you didn’t want to be a part of that cycle that would continue with him, especially after finding out about his bet with his best friend at the most. 

So in retaliation, you did what you should’ve done in the first place, resent and ignore him, as you knew that this should be the last time that you see him again in this life. 

“Then I think you should just leave for good then, Sunwoo. Don’t ever try to find me again, and if you do... we will never do us again.”

[moonshineboyz]

Stupid Sorry || Kim Sunwoo

Pairing: Sunwoo x fem reader

Genre: angst, lovers to exes

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: cheating, Sunwoo is an asshole, tiny tiny bit mention of alcohol??

a/n: sunwoo baby i'm so sorry, ily okay? xjwodowndw i got a little too engaged in this one and it may or may not has been based on some personal experiences,,,

masterlist ♡

You should've listened when everyone told you that high school sweethearts not always are meant to last, or that you were too young and naïve to enter a relationship during that time. But you chose to ignore all of it, following what your heart wanted. You were too infatuated with Sunwoo to say 'no' when he asked you out for the first time, fidgeting with his own fingers and trying hard to maintain eye contact with you.

You were part of the same group of friends, even though you didn't talk much to each other back then. But you found yourself head over heels for him since day one. Sunwoo was absolutely handsome and a kind person, his sweet voice echoing in your ears every time he laughed. It was impossible not to fall for him.

And that's how you two ended up dating throughout the years of high school.

Everything was perfect in the beginning; you were always together in between classes and during breaks of his soccer training, sharing small displays of affection and little pecks on the lips. You had lovely dates at cafes, movie theaters and parks whenever it was possible. You felt so happy with him, and he seemed so happy with you too.

All your friends used to gush over how you and Sunwoo were such a cute couple, even daring to say you guys were relationship goals. Everything just felt so right with him, just a simple look into his eyes and it was enough for you to feel just as loved as he was by you.

One year into the relationship already and it was like you were living in a fairytale. But then it happened.

Sunwoo was napping in your bed while you finished a book you were reading; you had come home after your last exam for the semester and Sunwoo promised he'd treat you to some ice cream since you hadn't had much time for each other in the past two weeks. But he said he needed to rest just a little, due to the past late-night trainings with his team. You agreed and offered him your bed.

It wasn't long till his phone started vibrating on your desk, to which you brushed it off at first. But it didn't stop, and then you thought that maybe it could be something important. You grabbed his phone and a female name appeared in the notifications, there were several messages attached to it. Your heart sank. It was the same name as the girl he swore that wasn't his ex but only an old crush of his, and that they didn't even talk anymore.

"Did he lie?" Was all you could think. You couldn't seem to understand if nor even why he would lie about this, you were very open with each other and there wouldn't be a problem for him to tell you about his past lovers, or who they were.

With his phone still on your hand, you glanced at his sleeping figure and back to the screen, wondering if it was okay to take advantage of the fact that you knew each other's passwords. You didn't want to look through his stuff, it was his privacy, you felt bad in doing that but something inside you was screaming to do it. You could already feel the guilt creeping up. His phone vibrated again and it was the last straw for you.

You unlocked the screen and opened the texts, your eyes running through them. She was saying things like "I miss you"; "When are we going to see each other again?"; "It's been such a long time"; and even some suggestive pictures from her. The worst part was that your boyfriend was responding to the girl, flirting back, saying he missed her too.

You didn't even realize when you fell to the floor on your knees, hands shaking almost dropping the cellphone. Putting the item aside, the shock consuming your body, you sat there in the middle of your room, hugging your knees close to your chest while tears were starting to blur your vision, and you let them out. Crying so much but trying hard not to sob loudly so Sunwoo wouldn't wake up. Heart miles per hour and mind a total mess. For how long has this been happening?

It was hurting so bad, like a thousand knives cutting through your chest. You didn't know what to do. You didn't know what to think. Should you break up and end everything after confronting him? And how should you do it? What should you ask exactly? Even though it was painful, part of you didn't want to break up. You knew it was ridiculous to not want to do that, to not want to put yourself in the first place, but you didn't want to be alone. Sunwoo was the first guy who showed any interest in you and you felt like the only girl in the world. And not to mention, you didn't want to have to tell your parents and friends the reason why you two broke up. What would your parents say about it? And your friends? Your family liked Sunwoo so much, he was already part of it, and both you and Sunwoo had mutual friends. You didn't want to go through it.

The young boy eventually woke up to you pacing around with heavy steps, he looked at you confused and called out your name, making you jump startled. You rubbed your eyes wiping the remaining tears and faced him, waiting for him to say anything while you thought of what to say, heart beating fast again. He let out a "Baby, what's wrong?", and you felt sick at the nickname. Tossing the phone on his lap you asked who was that girl and "What the fuck does that mean?", chocked voice trying to sound firm.

Sunwoo immediately approached you dropping to his knees and holding your waist, his teary eyes looking up at you while he mumbled a lot of apologies, saying he didn't know why he was doing that and begging you not to leave him. You could only stare back at the wall in front of you, a blank and expressionless face. He hugged you even tighter burying his crying face in your belly. You wanted to scream, to yell at his face. You wanted to be swallowed by a hole in the ground and just disappear. But you couldn't even move, just listening to his lame excuses and stupid "I'm sorry"s, his voice sounding far away.

After demanding him to go and leave you alone, you let your body fall on the softness of your mattress, where he was just a few minutes earlier and his scent was still there on your pillow, which made your heart hurt even more. You hugged your pillow and cried your eyes out, until your head started to ache and you fell asleep.

On the next day you met Sunwoo and he swore he didn't do anything with the girl, it was just texts, and yes that was his ex. Didn't matter how you looked into it, it still counted as cheating for you. But you decided to give him another chance anyway, because as you stated to yourself, you didn't want to be alone. However, the time that followed wasn't easy, at least not for you. You still felt bittersweet towards all that situation and your stomach almost churned every time he touched you or looked into your eyes saying he loved you. But it was nothing like that to Sunwoo, he never mentioned the occurred and acted as if nothing had happened.

Everything was seemingly back to normal and you were living in your fairytale once again. You could ignore that fact easier now, even though there were still times where you'd catch yourself wondering if you lacked in anything for Sunwoo. He knew very well how insecure you were, how you were afraid of him finding someone better and prettier. You always thought he deserved better and questioned what had he seen in you, and he'd say he loved you to the moon and back, that you were oh so beautiful and you were his only one. You also knew some of his own insecurities, but you just couldn't care less about other guys when you had Sunwoo.

But even though he was aware of your fears, low self-esteem and lack of confidence, it happened again.

You thought of spending the soccer training's break with your boyfriend since your class got dismissed earlier. And there he was, sitting on the side bench with one of his teammates, their backs facing you as you approached them. It seemed like they were arguing and something the other guy said made you stop in your tracks.

"Okay, but if you tell my girlfriend about me, I'm telling Y/N you kissed my sister at my party last week. I don't think she'll like that."

Your world collapsed for the second time; you could almost hear the sound of your own barely mended heart shattering again. Not wanting to believe it. You already knew that feeling but it felt way more painful in the second time.

You were still frozen when Sunwoo looked back and saw you standing there, his eyes widening. You only scoffed at him and turned to get out of there before he could even move towards you. But he was faster and reached you, grabbing your wrist to make you face him.

Silence.

He stared into your eyes for what felt like a whole hour until you snapped and yelled at him to get away from you. You didn't notice the tears rolling down your cheeks as you angrily stared back at him. The boy started weeping trying to hold your hands as he kept on babbling about being drunk at the party and saying he was sorry. "Another stupid sorry", you thought. It was comic how he believed that shedding some tears and mumbling halfhearted apologies were enough to make everything alright.

That night you cried yourself to sleep once more, ignoring all his texts and calls from the moment you stepped into your house. The hurt was so much that even your body experienced physical pain.

You spent the entire following week pretending you were too sick to get out of bed, but the truth was that you didn't want to face Sunwoo and any of your friends. Every day felt like a torture, you woke up with swollen eyes and a massive headache due to crying so much, crying over someone who didn't deserve your tears, let alone any piece of your attention. And you knew that. But you still were too pathetic to let go.

If it was hurting that much, if you knew you should just walk away, then why were you still holding onto it? It wasn't even the first time. Why even bother to stay in an already broken relationship like that? Only because you didn't want to be alone? To feel lonely? To be ashamed by the other's reactions? Especially now that you'd given him another chance before and were planning on giving one more?

Unfortunately, you couldn't deny that you loved Sunwoo. But God was it painful to love him. You didn't know if you could blindly trust him like before, but you were too deep in love with him to care. Even if it hurt.

After a whole week avoiding any and every source of contact with him, you finally sat down to listen, although you shouldn't, already cursing yourself for being in this situation again.

Sunwoo told the same lame excuses, one more time saying he didn't know what he was doing, blaming the alcohol, and that the kiss meant nothing because he still loved you. To be honest you barely even listened, just wishing to go back and pretend you had a beautiful relationship where he was very loyal and honest to you.

And so you did.

You went back to your classes next morning swearing you had a really bad flu the past week and no one seemed to doubt it. Great. You and Sunwoo were acting like lovebirds again and everything looked fine.

This time you were feeling kind of numb and didn't cry every night, but obviously this didn't mean your heart wasn't broken. You wondered how he could be so insecure like you, saying he was also afraid of some more interesting guy getting your attention but still, he was the one who cheated. Twice. Or at least you thought it was twice.

Honestly the time that passed from the second heartbreak was quite okay, Sunwoo did everything you wanted to do, treating you well and telling you sweet things. But it didn't last long.  

It was scary the fact that he never felt distant for you to suspect anything, not even in the two other times and not even now. He could manage this character so well, acting all nice and sweet but doing you dirty behind your back. Apparently, he wasn't that transparent and easy to read as you were, you couldn't see through him. He was like a foggy mirror. Not even a glass window, but a mirror, only reflecting your own image because you just couldn't see his true self. And you realized it a bit too late.

This was what you were thinking right now, seeing Sunwoo seated on a bench in the park both of you used to go to have your favorite ice cream. Under the moonlight, ready to kiss this girl, face too close, hand on her chin just like the way he always did to you. You didn't know your heart could break even more.

This time you were even seeing him shamelessly cheating on you, and you wished you didn't because it hurt so damn much. But in a way you felt thankful you were aware of this trashy behavior of his, or else you wouldn't give much credit when a random guy you've never seen messaged you in your social media saying he believed his girlfriend, which happened to be Sunwoo's classmate, was cheating on him with your boyfriend. And you wanted to see it for yourself even more after the guy told he checked the girl's phone location, went to the park and actually saw them.

"Are you done making a fool of me?"

He pulled away quickly from the girl and got up, looking at you with those fake pleading eyes saying the typical "That's not what you think it is", but you knew it was. You stared at him coldly, chewing on your bottom lip to suppress your tears. The girl quietly got up mumbling something you didn't care to listen and left.

Sunwoo took a step closer and that was when you finally broke into tears, filled with anger and sadness. You pointed a finger at him asking how could he do such a thing. Running your fingers through your hair in frustration, you took a deep breath, tired of dealing with his bullshit.

"Let's break up."

"What? But we're fine." You scoffed at this; he must had been kidding.

"No, Sunwoo, we're not fine. I'm not fine. It's enough, I'm tired." He tried to hold your hand but you pulled it. "Do you even care about how you hurt me? Have you ever been honest with me for once?"

"Oh, you want me to be honest? Fine, I'll be honest with you." He furrowed his brows. "You know that first month we started dating? I cheated on you twice. Why? Because I didn't know if what he had was going to last."

And then it hit you like a truck, more than you've ever imagined. A pain that could dilacerate you. Sure neither of you knew whether or not it'd work out, but the scene of Sunwoo shyly asking you out replayed in your head. And then on your first date he confessed he'd already been in love with you for quite some time, and you felt so happy. If he was that in love, wasn't he supposed to at least give his best and try to make the relationship work?

You looked at him in disbelief. So this was his true self? He wasn't even sorry, never had been.

Glaring into his boba eyes for the last time, your entire relationship flashed in your mind. The shared sweet kisses, shy smiles and lovingly glances, the small dates and slow dances in the quiet of his room. Everything now destroyed.

"Don't ever talk to me again." You gulped feeling a lump in your throat, not having any more strength to argue with him.  

You turned your back and began to walk away, tears falling from your eyes again.

Sunwoo didn't say his stupid sorry this time.

[t3kandson]

Patience

Word count; 897

Fandom; The Boyz

Pairing; Reader X Kim Younghoon & Reader X Sohn Eric

Characters; Kim Younghoon, Sohn Eric, Moon Kevin, Lee Sangyeon, Lee Juyeon, Lee Hyunjae, Kim Sunwoo, Ju Haknyeon, Ji Changmin, Bae Jacob and Choi Chanhee

Warnings; Fluffy & Angst

Notes; Chapter 2/10 part two, Part & Chapter One here.

Two weeks had past and every second was a second too long. You punched the wall taking comfort from the searing pain that followed. You found yourself isolated from your brothers having begun to hate them.

Juyeon and Sangyeon had punished you for disobeying them and had treated you like their slave. They had fun watching you starve from their refusal of blood capsules and making you feed on human life. Each girl you tried so hard to stop at the right time. But each time you failed. The Bitterness that Younghoon had succesfully turned Y/N, it felt like he was much more superior then you, yet you was older in vampire years.

Haknyeon and Sunwoo had pretty much mocked you, enjoying seeing you Seethe in anger that Younghoon had turned, who they believed was your pet.

Jacob’s silence returned, you had thought you had got passed Alisha’s Death. You knew he would never forgive you, but holding you down as Younghoon took Y/N, knowing he could have easily killed her, surely was revenge enough. How had he returned to you feeling as if you was the bad person in this.

Hyunjae and Younghoon however You hated. You didn’t even like being in the same building then them, let alone room. Having trusted them both and then both them stabbing you in the back, left a bitter taste.

Changmin and Chanhee had tried to talk to you, but you wanted to be alone most of the time.

Kevin however had taken Y/N. Apparently she was struggling so bad being turned. He had sought and been given permission to take her away to train her. Though you had hoped it was with her blood control and thirst, you had a sinking feeling it was so Juyeon and Sangyeon could train her to be their army. Younghoon’s blood was in her veins and like Jacob and Chanhee wasn’t in Juyeon’s control. Jacob was taken by Sangyeon and Chanhee was taken by Changmin. Juyeon hated the lack of control to them. But Younghoon was different, you had worked out he was like Kevin. He could control moods. You felt that Juyeon wouldn’t be able to control him like he could with the rest of you. What if Kevin being away with her was to make her more subjective. You hated, but loved Y/N stubbornness and hated that she had changed enough.

“Hey Eric,” you heard Chanhee from behind. “You ok?” he asked, you refused to look at him continuing to stare at the wall. “I’m fine Chanhee,” you replied. He sat next to you, “No your not, your acting just like,” he said, softly.“I don’t want to hear about him,” you cut him off. “She’s a vampire now, i don’t understand why you two still are being so hateful towards each other,” Chanhee protested. “You don’t understand,” you said frustrated. “I know you love her, I know he loves her too, I’m not a fool,” he replied sweetly. You looked at him, no one knew Younghoon loved her. They all believed his sorrow was from the guilt of turning an human. He had told them her blood was too much to handle, being a young vampire and having been too weak. Only you knew that he was in love with her or that was what you thought. You looked back at the floor of the room, wondering why Younghoon had decided to spill, but then you remembered you realised you didn’t know him any more.

It was then that you smelt it, that smell that was slightly different, but you knew it enough to know who it was. It was Y/N she was back.

You rushed to the entrance of the building, there she was looking beautiful, her clothes hugged her in a way you never seen before, cuddling her curves. Her hair golden brown and tied in a bun. But her smile when she saw you stole your breath, beneath the slightly red tinted eyes that almost matched yours, made her glow. How had her being a vampire made her look so radiant. She ran towards you, wrapping her arms around you. You held her so tightly Incase it was a while before you held her again, if their would ever be another chance to do so. “I missed you,” she said her voice more silky. “I missed you too,” you said pulling her back so you could look at her again. “You look much stronger,” you replied causing her smile to widen. “Because I am, Kevin helped me,” she said smiling.

You looked behind her towards him, you nodded with appreciation despite the anxiety of what kept them busy. “I’ll leave you be, Sangyeon will no doubt want to talk to me,” Kevin said making his way past you. You stroked her face before pulling her in to kiss her forehead. She chuckled at your touch and then she gulped, looking past you in the distance “Hi Younghoon,” she said, looking anxious.

You rolled your eyes remembering your complicated situation, not helped with the fact he now could control her. But also because with his blood in her veins, she was more in-likely to fall in love with him even more, especially as she was in love with him before she was turned. You twisted to face your former friend, his eye smalled as he took you in.

Previous chapter. Next chapter

Masterlist

[love-hatred-stuff]

Bets } Kim Sunwoo [theboyz]

feat. Eric, Jacob, Kevin, Juyeon

genre: angst, fluff

warning(s): violence, obsession and manipulation (he's not hurting u or anything)

word count: 2.4k

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Y/N's POV

I was currently at my high school.

I had just finished my studies in the library and it was already evening but I decided to stay longer today as my boyfriend was training with his friends in the basket hall. But it was fine because it was already pretty late and the boys should be finished now and I could finally see Sunwoo.

We have been dating for six months and I feel very comfortable with him, it almost feels like I found the one I wanna be with for the rest of my life.

Even if I don't know him for so long, he gives me strength, the thing I had never had.

I'm delicate but I tend to hide my feelings in front of people that I don't trust.

Lately something confusing is going on. Sunwoo has been weirdly avoiding me, and his friends that I assume to really like me too, also act very suspicious sometimes.

They would take him away from me to talk to him alone.

I would just be confused and worried about what was going on.

But today I would talk to them about it!

Right in the moment I was walking through the school halls, on my way to them, but I heard loud voices that sounded like they were seriously discussing.

Before I opened the door, I heard my name and was even more concerned.

I figured it would be smarter to just listen to it and wait while hiding.

"Sunwoo, you can't lie to her forever! She is a great person, she doesn't deserve this anymore. Actually she never did."

I sensed the one who said this was Juyeon and he sounded very serious about what he was talking about.

My anxiety started to kick in.

What was I going to hear next?

"I know, she would never deserve this. But I really do like her. I could just keep it as my secret." Now Sunwoo talked, he sounded like he meant what he said.

But what was the damn secret they were talking about? How bad was it?

"Oh wow Sunwoo! You finally fell in love, congrats. Just sad that she was only a game to you in the beginning. You decided to play with the wrong heart." Juyeon said in a very loud and angry tone.

Was he trying to protect me?

"He's right, you should tell her before it will be too much and she finds out herself. Honestly, I hoped she would break up with you because you can be an egoistic ass sometimes!" Now Jacob exclaimed.

"Yeah, I'm sorry guys. But I can't. I will lose her if I tell her that she was a bet. I will lose her, and she will hate me. I couldn't handle that."

I gasped quietly, pressing my palm on my mouth to stay silent.

It was pretty much to take.

My boyfriend just confessed that I was just a bet!? Someone who No one cares about. That's what I was for them.

"But you have to Sunwoo, she's too pure. You will break her. You know she has no one that would take care of her. She was new and lonely when she came here. You made her feel safe and now you're doing this to her? She will never forgive you and feel safe with you again." Juyeon scolded and as I watched them through a little split between the door of the gym hall I saw him grabbing Sunwoo by the collar of his muscle shirt aggressively, having dangerous sparkles in his eyes.

"Either you will do it or I will! And maybe one of us will take her from you. Someone who cares about her heart and feelings." Juyeon grabbed him harder and shook him.

I couldn't watch and hear that any longer so I decided to interrupt their fight.

I abruptly swung the door open, earning all of the boy's eyes.

I approached them pretty fast and pushed Juyeon from Sunwoo.

I didn't want them to hurt each other, although probl all I was for them was a little doll to play with.

"Stop. This is kindergarten. You all are so immature, I can't believe it." I sighed heavily.

Then I locked eyes with Sunwoo, staring in his soul mercilessly.

"You really never would have told me? God, it is really frustrating when you find out, you never knew who your only friends really are. You are little boys, all you care about is fun. Grow the fuck up!" I scoffed at my broken state.

Being ashamed that I had let them do so much to me already.

I looked at all of them. Sunwoo, Juyeon, Jacob, Kevin and Eric. I was honestly disappointed.

And they were also guiltily looking back at me.

"What? Are you enjoying seeing me suffer under your game?" I asked.

"Look Y/N, we are truly sorry for what we did. I know it was immature and I promise we will make it up to you."

I scoffed again at Juyeon's words with a weak sarcastic smile on my lips.

"Do you think I still want to hang out with you guys? You betrayed me. I'm not dumb, I know you sprayed rumours around about me, just so everyone was going to keep their distance to me. And I think you didn't even realize that you did this so you had me just to yourself. While I was too blind of happiness. I hate you for what you did. I won't be your puppet any longer!" I made clear while my vision started to blurry because my eyes were getting teary.

Sunwoo grabbed my arm in desperation.

"Please don't break up with me." His begging voice sent a shiver down my spine.

"That's all you have to say? I think it would be the best if I would leave you and your games alone."

Tears started silently rolling down my cheeks.

But still, no one was talking or reacting. Just pleading eyes were looking at me.

"I wonder who will be the next victim. Whatever, I hope you will have your fun." I smiled pathetically and turned around.

"Don't leave us Y/N. We love you and never wanted to hurt you." Juyeon's calming voice stopped my movements.

I looked at him again.

"You love me so much that you forget how to care about my feelings? I loved you too, but it's over for now." I stated and left the hall.

They looked after me in sadness.

Third person's POV

"See what you did, Sunwoo!" Eric pushed him to the ground.

Sunwoo looked down, letting his tears fall on the ground as well.

"Now we all lost the only girl we ever liked!" Juyeon kicked Sunwoo in his stomach, making him clench his jaw in pain.

"Stop, Y/N doesn't like when we hurt someone, especially each other." Kevin wanted to stop him from hitting the crying boy on the ground by grabbing his arm.

But he wouldn't budge and continued, making him bleed and bruised all over.

"She is gone now!" Juyeon yelled and kicked Sunwoo again, earning quiet cries and groans from him.

"It's enough!" Jacob shoved him away from the almost defaced Sunwoo.

"You can't hurt your best friend!" He reminded him with a strong tone.

"But he stole the girl that was supposed to be mine. It's his fault she left us!" Juyeon defended himself.

"We all lost her, Juyeon. But you don't have to hurt Sunwoo even more. Don't you see him?"

Juyeon now looked at him, sitting on the ground, still crying, with bruises all over his body and a bleeding nose and lip.

Now he felt slightly sorry for overdoing it, although he knew that Sunwoo's beloved girlfriend just broke up with him. That alone surely were so painful for him already.

Of course it was too much to handle for him.

After all Juyeon is the older one and he should have kept his control instead of beating him up.

And Sunwoo had even endured it, he did not flinch a single time that Juyeon punched him.

"Hey, sorry bro." He tapped his shoulder in apology.

"I will take you home, come on." Jacob helped him to stand up so they could walk to his car.

•the next day•

Sunwoo walked through the busy halls of his high school.

He was sad, angry at himself and depressed.

He loved her so bad but he screwed up.

And he understood why Juyeon beat him up yesterday, he was glad so he wouldn't have to hurt himself for a while.

His head was down and the playful smile he always wore was completely gone.

Suddenly he felt a small hand grab him, that pulled him to the narrow room where stuff for the facility manager was.

He couldn't make out the face of the person that took him there until she was standing face to face with him in this room.

Now his eyes glowed, it was the prettiest face he had ever seen.

It was his girl, the one that broke his heart just yesterday. But all he cared about was that she was standing in front of him now.

Y/N's POV

It was me, and he had broken my heart even more.

"Who did this to you?" I wanted to know instantly, coming straight to the point.

"Huh?" He was surprised I even talked to him.

"Who beat you up like this?" I exerted more pressure in my voice.

"Oh, um.." Sunwoo looked down, suddenly so shy and insecure.

What was going on?

Usually he was the one that would do this to people that bothered him, but he would never let someone do this to his handsome face.

I wondered if his face was the only affected place on his body, so I slowly lifted up his thin t-shirt, exposing hurted muscles and bruises all over his stomach.

It looked really painful.

I never saw him being hurt that much. And it also affected me.

To know that I hadn't had protected him, made me feel guilty.

I felt bad.

"Sunwoo, who the fuck did this to you? And why did you let this even happen?"

He was looking in my eyes, down at me, not sure if he should tell the truth.

But I think he learned his lesson, lying is bad and has consequences.

"It was Juyeon. But it's fine, I allowed him." He talked unusually quietly and I didn't like it at all. I hated it.

I wanted my confident Boyfriend back that wanted to hold my hand the whole day and whenever he had the chance, kissed me to give me his love and affection.

Where was the old Sunwoo?

"Why?"

How could Juyeon do this to him?

He, no, all of them knew what I thought of physical aggression.

"I miss you Y/N." He cried in the crook of my neck after he had made a quick step forward.

When I didn't move, he put his hands around my waist and hugged me gently.

"It's been one day." I reminded him.

He could have handled that.

"Yes, but I know that I lost you forever." He hugged me tighter.

I heard him sniff his tears back.

"Why do you care so much?" I started patting his back lightly.

Even though he hurted me so much with his actions, I still cared about him. More than about anyone else.

"Because I love you Y/N."

He really did?

I knew he and his friends were a little obsessed with me, but he never actually said these three words.

And now I even knew, he wasn't the only one that had serious feelings for me.

Juyeon had done this to him because he was angry at Sunwoo that I left him, and also his friends.

I figured that he did this because he also had feelings for me. I could judge only by his look and body language the day before. And I wasn't sure if that was a good thing.

Iliked him too, everyone of them, but not the way I liked Sunwoo. It would make things even more complicated between us.

"Why did you do this to me then?"

Sunwoo backed away a little, so he could see my face properly.

"We didn't know you when we started this. But when we got to know you, each of us felt something. I guess we just weren't aware that we were having feelings for you because we never really had some for anybody. So we were toxic and manipulated you and everyone that was interested in you, so no one would steal you from us. And I'm so so sorry, baby. I wanna have you back, I promise I changed."

I was impressed that he had explained everything so truthfully.

And I was proud in some way.

He had always controlled me, but he also always was my little boy.

They all were clingy and needy around me, just how someone would act when they liked someone.

I think I could forgive him if he would prove to me that he had really changed.

But could I forgive Juyeon for doing this to his best friend, for losing his self control and letting him down like this?

"And why let you Juyeon hurt you? You are supposed to be kind to each other, as friends. He truly hurt you. Look." I stroked my thumb over his lip where a little bit of dried blood was left.

On his left cheek was a big, green and blue bruise that went up to his eye. It was a bit swollen and he couldn't open his left eye completely.

I forgot everything around me and just admired his his cute baby face. Even if he looked a bit tired and miserable, I still found him utterly adorable.

"I wanna kiss you, Y/N." He whispered, when I noticed our position and that he was staring at me as well.

But I just didn't care anymore what he had done to me, I was sorry for what his friend did to him and that he was sad because I left him.

So I shove all my doubts away and tiptoed so I could kiss his full lips to convince my heart, that I had to give him another chance. It was everything I wanted at this moment.

I think I loved this boy.

Although it was probably pretty stupid of me to trust him again, I just needed him too much because he was everything I had and everything I always wanted.

He pressed me against his toned body and gave me a kiss full of love, to show me that I wouldn't regret choosing him over everything.

The gif and the pictures that I used for the cover are not mine, credits to the owners :)

[hhjs]

rewind, revive. (all that we are.)

pairing. — kim sunwoo x reader.

genre. — angst.

alternatively. — wherein letting go is all but a reminder of why he seemed to hold on.

mystery trope!

word count. — 2.8 k

note. — inspired the nbhd's 'wdywfm' and 'reflections'. (impacting characters exactly in that order of the songs.) this is unedited so bear with me lmao

Regret is a funny thing.

One can feel it approaching light years before the realisation hits. Like squinting at dim headlights in the distance, before the vehicle picks up pace, before the tires skid against wet gravel, before it finally, finally occurs that it's too late, too late to go back and walk away, to stop oneself from facing the impact head on. From having the air knocked right out of one's lungs.

Sunwoo knows for a fact what he is doing fits that criteria.

Something about the prevailing silence that comes after heated arguments is utterly eerie; being an on and off couple for the longest time indicated that you recognised that much.

"I think we should take a break. Figure things out on our own."

He looks at the little scar you'd gotten from accidentally ramming your toe into the doorframe because you were too excited to see him. (It's healing.) No, that's not right. From this position, sat atop the sofa, when he's holding his head in his palms as your tone rises mid syllable, that's all he can see. No, he can't look at you. He can't look at himself in your eyes now, dropped way below all expectations you held to him once, silhouette of his peeved face in them leaves a rancid emotion inside his belly.

"Is that what you really want?" You ask, this time with a slight hint of surrender in your voice.

Sunwoo wants to say he doesn't exactly know what he wants, what he is feeling, perhaps it's the aftermath of working too hard, taking on too much stress, or so Changmin explained to him earlier that week, he doesn't quite perceive himself as someone who could lament his problems easily - however, it's very clear to him that he is pushing you away, sealing himself off suddenly, missing out on dates, calls and falling short in the department of being his usual affectionate self.

Or maybe, Sunwoo doesn't love you anymore.

What if he's never loved you at all? What if whatever you have is all a resultant of mere infatuation and he was too young to differentiate from the start?

Whatever it is, Sunwoo isn't too sure, but you... obviously notice. He's always finding excuses to distance himself and it's changing you, who you used to be when he fell in love with you. In fact, every day is a constant evidence of just how disconnected your relationship is from how it was in the beginning, in the 'honeymoon stage' or whatever. The way he tenses up when you throw an arm around him every night he plops down against your shared bed too late, only entertaining your comforting words with monosyllabic responses; he seems to test your patience, trying to find your breaking point.

And this is it, he thinks.

What you suggested as an innocent movie night with him, trying to get him to talk to you, about anything, anything at all, soon took a bad turn when you reached out to interlock your arms and he found himself brushing you off.

It was just the same little act that piled and piled atop all of his 'little acts' and this final blow sent everything tumbling down, all at once. The way you stared at your spread out, empty palm as you asked him why he was being like this is an image he finds difficult to forget.

Albeit he doesn't hesitate, asking you to stop nagging him, to stop overreacting. To just leave him alone.

Now, with the weight of his words absent inside, all he senses is blatant emptiness taking refuge in its place, an epiphany that he can't take back what he said.

You don't say a word when Sunwoo's reply comes in the form of an affirmative nod and what's worse, he thinks, is that you don't look surprised.

As if you saw it coming all along.

...

When he agrees to put up with one of the double dates Eric set, it's because his friends are convinced that the relationship has reached a dead end. Sunwoo ignores that idea and indulges in what he perceives as newfound freedom.

Even though the excitement of getting to know someone new is momentary, replaced by a strong underlying feeling that nauseates him. Whenever Sunwoo looks over the candlelight and watches his date smile back at him, it feels like he's doing something wrong. Something hypocritical.

Recently, every day feels the same. Every hour melding into the same old routine. This is boredom, Sunwoo tells himself, though he's positive it's anything but.

It's quite a surprise not having chanced upon you by accident, given years of dating has merged your social circles.

Really, when he thinks about it, Sunwoo's known you for the longest time.

Since he was sure he would fail a calculus pop quiz and he kicked your chair to gather correct answers, you were so shy, innocent and how that sparked a sense of adoration in him for the first time ever, since you ended up becoming best friends in spite of your essentially different personalities. Sunwoo tries to remember the exact feeling of snowflakes collecting on his cheeks, in your eyelashes, his cool fingers in his pockets, while a street light buzzed overhead - not every detail is clear - but the sight of your beaming face as he timidly confessed his feelings is unmistakable. As time passes, he tries thinking about it more and more, afraid someday he'll look back and miss out the most essential rudiments of the event. Or worse, forget altogether. It's such a distant, fleeting moment that elicits a bittersweet sensation in him. Sweet because some part of him will always be entwined with some part of you, bitter because you were no longer together.

Sunwoo shakes his head, as though the gesture ought to come in assistance in ridding himself of the aforementioned thoughts. He's the one who wanted this whole break thing, right?

He pushes his trolley around, leans on the handle like he used to as a kid and paces up through empty lanes after looking around to see that the seven eleven store is mostly empty. He successfully breezes through aisles and throws in packaged kimbap, frozen fried rice and crisps to his trolley; and then, suddenly, a juice extract shelf in the distance catches his eye.

Sunwoo focuses his vision and marks his next destination, all the while imitating low humming of a makeshift engine with his mouth.

But of course, much to his dismay, his trolley jams right into another that approached out of the aisle to his side that he hadn't kept an eye on in moving only forward.

He mutters a string of quiet apologies, bowing briefly and hoping to God that the person hadn't heard him swear under his breath. "It's alright."

Sunwoo looks up and blinks curiously recognition washing over him.

It's only been a few weeks but the sight of your face, the real thing, not instagram photos, not the ones in his money bag or photo frames in his drawer, hits him with the force of a bullet train.

Your face is bare, shadows splattered against your forehead and the tip of your nose because you're wearing his - and he only realises now - ridiculously big, pink bucket hat, a hand casually positioned into a jacket pocket, there's something so endearing about this.

"Hey." Sunwoo says.

"Hey."

You stare at him for a good second and then as if realising something, you blink rapidly, fishing out a pear extract juice to dump it in his trolley. "Here."

It is an unspoken gesture, to relay that you still remember what he likes and what he doesn't like, that you've unraveled the likes of Sunwoo, excavated all the little, measly, trivial quirks, secrets and lies buried deep inside the cavity of his chest.

"Thanks." Sunwoo just stares, entranced.

It is only when he's back home, nuzzled into the comfort of his favourite blanket that still smells a little like you, does he realise he misses you.

...

"I don't care."

Sunwoo thinks he means it, like this, when he has a hoodie pulled over his head and balances a controller with great expertise, looking perfectly unfazed by Chanhee's comment about whether or not he should invite you to his party, it almost sounds true. "I just wanna see them." He settles. Time apart only reminded him just how impatient he could be when he wanted something and wasn't getting it immediately. He is seeing clearly, you're the only constant in the overwhelming vicissitudes of his life, the only one who saw him at his worst as you did at his best and stayed. That comfort, that very familiarity, is far better than the infamous honeymoon stage or any stage, for that matter.

Sunwoo realises that now. Even if it's just a little late.

Rolling his eyes, Chanhee pushes a grocery bag containing the former's snack and tears open a packet of honey crisps.

Prior to this confession, no matter how much Sunwoo insisted that he was fine, that his stare didn't linger every time he mistook a stranger for you, that he definitely didn't pretend to do the dishes even though he refused to do the chore under any other circumstances just to overhear his friends talking about a new event in your life, or just... about you, Chanhee doesn't believe him.

In retrospect, no one does. But Chanhee is least discreet about it.

"I don't suppose that's a good idea..." He pauses, swallowing, "What if things go south?"

Beneath an act of trying to untie the grocery bag, Sunwoo contemplates that he doesn't know how to respond to this inquiry, he had pictured your next meeting many a times, prepped himself to do or say very particular things, the way you always made up, time and time again forgiving each other in spite of all obstacles in your way, to a point where you friends got tired of you going back and forth, convinced that you could never really break up... - no, he is sure nothing can change, that's a blatant impossibility, Sunwoo knows you and you know him. No matter how much he fucks up - you know he'll always come back to you.

That's how it has always been.

"Figures, huh?"

Sunwoo scoffs, noting the way his friend's expression morphes to a confused furrowing of brows. He holds the yellow classic salted packet up instead whilst wrinkling his nose more than necessary, knowing the remark would prompt Chanhee to get annoyed and forget all about his own remark. “You got the wrong flavour again.”

The older male crumples a crisp in his palm and flicks it at Sunwoo.

The answer is simple, he'll never know if he never tries. Love is not chance but a decision, love is a choice, isn't it?

Well, Sunwoo chose you, he chooses you. He'll choose you over and over again.

...

"Can we talk?"

You nod slowly, a sigh escaping your parted lips. An expression on your face that Sunwoo can't put a finger on. But he doesn't have to, not when you comply so easily, joining him out into the balcony divorced from the apartment rife with noise and evidence of inebriation.

You lean over the railing, your eyes travelling far off into the impossibly dark scenery, the silence is imbued with a vague sense of eerie, the kind that ensues before something terrible happens.

All Sunwoo can think about is how beautiful you are. Suddenly, he feels guilty - see, he can't remember the last time he appreciated you, showered you with accolades you most certainly deserve. He mimics your position, turning his head slightly to take in every detail. Committing it all to memory. Things are different now. You look different.

Last time he saw you, he could map out the swollen quality of your eyes, nails bitten and chipped, the little characteristics that gave away you weren't doing well. Now, there's an indescribable glow to your face, something under the perfectly dolled up look, the red beret on your head, matched with an utterly fabulous coat that guards you from cool autums.

It's a new outfit. The discomfort is newer.

"You look great." He finally speaks and it's not the best way to start a conversation that's dangling by its last finger, akin to an inexperienced acrobat - he doesn't know what is.

You chuckle. "Is that what you wanted to say?"

"N-no...I just.." he pauses, the words all bundling up on his tongue into one big mess of sentences that don't make any sense. When you finally look at him, leaning back on your elbows now, Sunwoo gulps, this isn't a figment of his imagination, no, this is real. It's now or never. "I'm sorry." He starts, the mere utterance of those words seem to spark no change in your appearance. As if you're waiting for him to continue. Right now, apologies just aren't good enough. "This whole thing was so stupid. Baby I-I know I fucked up but... I love you. Okay? I promise I'll do anything to make it up to you. Whatever you want."

You stare at him for a long second, just letting his words sink in but also just seemingly allowing yourself to think. Then you push yourself up, standing straighter. "You dont have to." You say simply, a hint of finality laced into your tone. All Sunwoo finds himself thinking is how you don't reciprocate, uttering the same I love you like you always did. Out of habit.

He curls his fingers into fists, knuckles whitening and whitening under the strain. His vision is a blurring film against which you look like a faint silhouette, secluded by rivulets of raindrops racing down windows. It's embarrassing, how he feels, all those bubbling emotions reduced to that of a child being denied his favourite candy.

"W-What is that supposed to mean?" He blinks, finding that you're staring at your spread out palms. Like they're evidence for something you've done.

"Sunwoo." You say. It sounds like a warning, like a don't get any closer. "I don't like who I become when I'm with you."

At this point, Sunwoo just listens. In his mind, he hadn't foreseen this. He knew it wouldn't be easy, he knew he had to try his best but...this...losing you... that was out of question. Right?

No, he tells himself, he'll fix it, he'll get it together.

"You know, I was really angry at you for breaking up with me...but it was probably for the best." You produce a garbled laugh, lifting your face skyward, looking up at the glossy layers of pollution, of purplish clouds and the barely there moon behind, like you're reading off sentences from them. Sunwoo stares at you, he wants to reach out and trace the curves of your face without thinking twice, without holding back. "We did need time to think... and it made me realise that I've always loved you more than you've ever loved me. Heck, even more than I loved myself...and... I can't be that version of me again." You sniffle, "That's not love... That's devotion."

"Hey, don't say that!" He drags his fingers up from the railing and reaches out to touch your elbow, "Come on...we-we can work it out. We always do." These words , they come out all choked up and hoarse.

You stiffen up at the sound, "You're not listening to me." You shrug him off, adamantly piloting your gaze to linger away from him, your back's turned away from him but then you pause, just slightly looking over your shoulder and your gaze softens at the sight of him using his sleeve to dab at his cheeks. The gesture makes him feel hopeful, just for a second. 

Then you sigh, shaking your head, "Don't you get it?" You say, "We can't fix this...we can't fix each other.

Inexplicably, he thinks of a perfect world, where he could go back just once, where it all started, everything before, holding his head in his hands and the little scar on your toe and is that what you really want?

This time, Sunwoo would mutter a quick no. He'd flick on the television and snuggle into your side, talking mindlessly about something that makes you laugh.  To forget all about the stupid argument.

But in reality, he lets your words ricochet off of the walls, listening to the transient beats of music pouring into the balcony when you slide the door open to let yourself out. 

It shuts.

Everything goes quiet.

And this soundlessness, this solitude, he knows this, he's heard this, he's seen this, he's felt this, this... this is final,

 this is goodbye.

[dreamyaqua]

Hello! Would you mind taking a guess at The Boyz' rising sign? Are there any that are confirmed?

I forgot to add but I personally think Changmin's ascendant is either in Aquarius or Aries.

Hello, so I've been training my intuition and observation (since those are the only things I'm good at lol), and decided to try and guess rising signs. Specifically with my biases, Hyunjae and Haknyeon. I'm on my laptop so I can't double space (cont.)(cont.) I personally think Hyunjae's a virgo sun, aquarius moon and aries rising. Not to be offensive, thought it may be, he seems to have visually dry-ish skin. He has that aries t-zone, if ykwim. His body has that athletic type of body even if he isn't. His eyebrows are pre thick. He also has that vibe of someone who likes to be the topic of a conversation. At first, intimidating but then they start to feel more warm. His curly hair also contributes to it, He's also youthful, personality-wise––he also just has that aquarius moon vibe yk? On to Haknyeon, He just looks it. Idk how to describe it. Looking at descriptions of pisces sun + taurus rising combo just sounds like Haknyeon. He feels welcoming, has that slow-paced/chill vibe, and has that earthy look. His cheeks feel very Taurus rising. He has that signature style that's so him that he can't NOT be a Pisces sun, Scorpio moon, Taurus rising. Could be wrong. (cont.)(cont.) he also has that possessive feel. Anyway, yeah. What do you think :))?

I decided to answer these questions together as they both talk about TBZ's rising signs. First of all, yes, there's 4 members with a birth time:

Sunwoo was born at 8pm which makes him a Scorpio rising.

Jacob was born at 9:45am which makes him a Leo rising.

Both Sangyeon and Juyeon said they were born at dawn (so between 4-6am) which could lead to two possible rising signs for them. For Sangyeon it would be Libra or Scorpio and for Juyeon it would be Sagittarius or Capricorn. I strongly believe Sangyeon to be a Libra rising and Juyeon to be a Capricorn rising.🥺👉🏻👈🏻

And now onto the members whose birth times we do not know. Firstly, I'll respond to the second anon's asks about Hyunjae and Haknyeon. I can only say I agree with both guesses.

Hyunjae does seem like an Aries rising to me and I also believe him to be more of an Aquarius moon and not a Capricorn moon. Hyunjae has that jawline and a super youthful/childlike look. The only other guess I'd have besides Aries would be Gemini. However, some people at the company kept saying how Hyunjae and Sunwoo were & looked similar when they got to know each other, and since Sunwoo is an Aries sun, I feel like Hyunjae being an Aries ascendant would make sense!!👀

Most of TBZ's first impressions of Haknyeon was that he was so handsome and had amazing, glowing skin which already makes me think of a rising sign ruled by venus. Since he also loves food and eating, I totally agree with him being a Taurus rising. The second guess would be Libra as it's the other venus-ruled ascendant, plus some members also described him as a curious and bright kid.

Now onto Changmin which the first anon guesses to be Aquarius or Aries. I can only say Changmin is such an enigma to me. Most members said they were scared of him and that he looked like he was "the boss", I find it super hard to pinpoint what his rising sign may be but I'd say Aries or Scorpio (however, I'm not sure about this because he's already got so much Scorpio placements. However, Chanhee was the only one who gave him a bad first impression and as a Scorpio rising, Chanhee would have his sun in Changmin's 7th house which is not only the house of partnerships but also enemies - that could've been the reason for the not so friendly feelings) but Aquarius could also be a possibility (I've seen someone guess him as an Aquarius rising before). But tbh, I found him the hardest to guess-

Younghoon always seemed like a Scorpio rising to me when I analysed his vibe. He just gives off that intense but reserved, cold and dark first impression that I associate with a Scorpio rising. He's neither cold nor dark AT ALL but he really seemed that way to me at first.

Chanhee striked me as a Leo rising at first but I could also see him be a Pisces rising. Leo rising because some said his first impression was cool, manly, and fashionable and he also gives off a bit of a dramatic vibe to me. Plus, the potential square between his sun and ascendant could make him seem cool despite having a shy personality!! (I'm a Leo rising myself and I look confident but am super shy, and I suppose my sun opposite my ascendant definitely plays a part in this) However, since Chanhee's also described as shy and not talking to strangers often and I can see something very soft and water-energy-like about him, I could also see him as a Pisces rising.

Eric has to be an Aries rising, he just gives off such Aries rising vibes. He's got that excited, little puppy vibe going on, like a little boy, and Aries isn't the "baby" of the zodiac for nothing. He's quiet at first but loud and talkative after a while. He's so energetic that people have to tell him to calm down and relax sometimes. It just seems to match that fiery Aries energy.

And last but not least, my bias Kevin. I've observed him the most and I feel like he's an Aquarius rising with his Uranus conjunct the Ascendant, giving him an unconventional beauty type of vibe. I've written a whole essay in my notes on why I believe him to be an Aquarius rising but I don't want to bore you with that (if you want to know about it, though, feel free to ask^^). The only other possibility I could see for him would be a 3rd decan Pisces rising with Saturn in the 1st house - the members kept saying that they thought he was a teacher and that he looked like a "hyung" to them. Saturn would give the ascendant that mature look and Pisces is said to be an old soul anyway. However, Aquarius is co-ruled by Saturn and Uranus can also bring unpredictable energies to someone's appearance, so my stronger guess is definitely Aquarius rising.

With that being said, I literally have no idea what I'm doing here and these are just my guesses, so take them with a grain of salt!^-^

[dalamjisung]

When your roommate told you she’d be right back, you knew where she was going, and you didn’t blame her. You caused this, and you felt so guilty, even towards her. She was already under a lot of pressure because of school and boxing and her career, and to top it all off, you managed to cause all of this. Last night, after Felix texted you, after you found out that he knew you knew, you froze; and for about an hour, you sat on your bed just looking at your freaked out roommate. After she managed to make you talk, you didn’t stop– you kept telling her the story over and over again, as if by doing that it wouldn’t be as bad, but it never got better and you couldn’t stop crying and the night passed just like that. She spent the whole night comforting me, you though as you watched your sleep deprived best friend dress to go to the gym train. And I can’t even force myself to go watch one of her fights. Ridiculous.

You let her go peacefully, waving goodbye as she closed the door, and waited five minutes. After that, you didn’t even care about changing, you simply put an oversized hoodie and marched to the ice cream parlor where, if you weren’t wrong, and you hardly ever were, Felix would be. During one of your many breakdowns last night, you somewhat managed to see Felix’s texts lighting up your roommate’s phone, and you just couldn’t help yourself. Desperation was an ugly color on you, but you had to fix this somehow, even if it would crush all your morals and personal values at once.

You saw him first, but didn’t let your eyes linger, not wanting him to see you too. You hid in the booth behind theirs, and promised yourself you wouldn’t stay too long. He would be angry if he knew you were eavesdropping, but wasn’t he angry already? You wanted to fix this and this was the best way you found to deal with this whole situation.

“Felix,�� You heard Chan say, and you smile a bit, fond of how Felix’s name sounds coming from his fellow Australian friend. “What’s going on? You look like shit.”

“Thanks mate,” Felix chuckles. Smile now gone, you make sure to turn in to the conversation happening behind you. You can’t miss a single detail. “But I just wanted to tell you guys something.”

“Well,” Your roommate said softly. “We’re here. And we’re listening, Lix.”

“Do you remember the first time you introduced me to Bunny?” Oh my god, he still called you that. You’d be lying if you said that the fond nickname didn’t spark a tiny bit of hope in you, even though you did your best to shut it down– there was no more space for disappointment in you. “I had just gotten badly hurt; my ankle was all… wrong.”

You remembered that. He had severely torn his ligaments and you did your best to help him. Once you heard from the head nurse and your friend that he was fully recover, you remember going out, by yourself, to celebrate. You’ve never told this to anyone, but Felix was all you needed to have faith in yourself again; you had been going through a tough time, back then, but when you heard about him and how happy he was, you remembered why you were doing what you were doing. I just wanted to help…

“She did her best,” He said and you could just hear his smile. “She really did, and so did the main nurse, but I knew. I’ve seen people get hurt like that before and it’s really hard to fully recover– it requires a lot of physical therapy, and I just knew it wouldn’t be the same. And it kind of was and it kind of wasn’t. My right feet seemed fine for the next three games, but then it started hurting a little bit. I thought it was just a relapse, so I did more and more physical therapy, but it wasn’t working and… the more I played the more it hurt and I don’t know; I guess I was desperate. I’ve been playing since I was a kid, so I just thought that if I could make it stop hurting, I could still be on the team. So I went to the main nurse, and I told her everything. She said that there is nothing much she could do, except give me some pain killers and refer me to another doctor, so I took it.”

“Pain killers?” Chan whispered, voice wavering a bit. “Felix… why didn’t you tell me?”

You knew from listening to your roommate that Chan takes personal responsibility over all the boys, but he’d always had a special fondness for Felix, his little Aussie brother. If you were to turn around, you are sure you’d see Bang Chan with unshed tears in his eyes, concealing his emotions as always.

“I didn’t want to disappoint you hyung…” He mumbled. “I know it’s stupid, but I just didn’t want to be a failure. Not after all you’ve done for me here.”

“Mate, you’d never disappoint me. There is no way.” Chan say, and you hear shuffling. “I’d never leave you behind, Lix, I thought you knew this.”

“I do.” Felix says and he just sounds so broken. This is when you plan your hands on the table with an air of security. You’ve heard enough; it is time to go, you decide… But then you hear your name. “I do, mate. But at the time I was overwhelmed. So I kept going back to the office, telling Y/N I had sprained my ankle when nothing really happened. It was just pain from that one accident, but the pills she gave me helped, so I guess I never stopped going back.”

“Oh my god, Lix,” Your roommate says. “Who knew about this?”

“Sunwoo, and Hyunjin. That’s it.” He sighs. “I didn’t tell you guys before because it was just bad timing; I promise it has nothing to do with you.”

“Hyunjin….” Your roommate echoes. “Oh no.”

“Yeah,” Felix chuckles humorlessly. “He accidentally told Y/N. And that’s why I did what I did. I don’t want her to go out with me because she pities me. I don’t want that. And I don’t want that for her… I don’t want her to feel obligated to do anything she doesn’t want to, so I put an end to it.”

And you just can’t hold yourself anymore anymore. You can’t sit there and listen, so you do what you do best.

You meddle.

“Thanks for taking that decision for me, Felix.” You say and even you flinched at how harsh your words sounded. But now you are angry. You are livid. How can he do that to you?

“Y/N.” He said, and he sounds too tired to even bother being surprised. “Eavesdropping, I see.”

“Apparently,” You say getting up. “That’s the only way for you to be honest with me.”

“Look who’s talking.” He says and you are done. You are done because you know he’s right.

It’s time to let this go.

It’s time to let him go.

———————————————————–

foul play // eight : let him go

pairing: soccer player!felix x med student!reader

genre: college!au, fluff

description: They met through a mutual friend and that was the start of it all; Felix’s one sided crush and Y/N’s constant worry. The boy, a right forward player, was known in the field as one of the best players in the game; and also known in the hospital as one of the clumsiest. Y/N worked at the nurse office as part of her on-campus residency and believe it or not, the nurse office has its regulars, and Lee Felix was one of them. Sprained ankle, broken wrist, two concussions, and yet, he never takes a break. Until Y/N stepped in.

masterlist

chapter seven // chapter nine

taglist: @banqtlattae @dream-toaster @strxwberrifields @cryoskz @p2q3r4 @lochness-butmakeitsexy

—————————————

and chapter 8 <3 if you want to be tagged let me know :D What do you think so far? Let me know! Comment! Like! Share! Means the world for us writers :D  

And don’t forget: WHEN I HIT 600 FOLLOWERS, I’M DOING A GIVEAWAY! A STORY JUST FOR YOU! I won’t post it to the blog unless you want me to, and I will write it per your exact instructions :)

[poppingtoi]

Hi! I see that you open request, may I request for a oneshot where you're hyunjae's gf but you have been avoiding him since he is a celebrity, you don't want him to get in trouble by getting caught (you just wanna protect him at all cost) but he keeps looking for you desperately? Genre would be angst to fluff!

Yes, of course! I don't know why I've been taking so long lately... I've just been very busy with school and lacking sleep and inspiration... but here it is now!

Why are you running? - The Boyz Hyunjae/Lee Jaehyun

I'm busy on Saturday :(

Guilt took over you after you hit send. It was the third time that week that you lied to your boyfriend. You really wanted to see him, you loved him, but he was always insisting on what you considered risky plans.

This time he got tickets for the sequel of your all time favorite movie, you were thankful and really excited about it but the cinema was probably going to be completely full with other fans.

Last time you actually agreed to meet him at a normal hour was about a month ago. Hyunjae had invited you to watch their practice because they were promoting, so you couldn't meet properly, and he really missed you. You were making your way to the company when you came across a friend, you could only frown worried and tremble in front of that kind smile.

-Where are you going? - apparently your shaking got unnoticed.

-Oh... I was just meeting someone... - your voice was calm but why was your heart beating so fast?

-You were?! Like... On a date? I'll walk you there, tell me about this! I didn't know you were finally into dating, you've been so reticent to the idea lately.

-What? No, not on a date and you don't need to walk me there. - you jumped a little at the realization of why you were so nervous.

-Oh? It's okay, you don't need a relationship to be this great, hon. But I'm going down this road too, let's catch up a little, yeah?

You hadn't thought about how hard it'd be for him to get to your place being famous. Or about how easy it was for anyone passing by to notice you around the company either. That caused a big change in the way you perceived your relationship and the way you interacted with your boyfriend.

Not only going out on dates to very public places, their managers talking to you when you went in and out the building without following training usual hours could give you away at any given moment. One of your favorite idols had under gone a dating scandal, you saw how the fans could react and you would never let that happen to him.

And of course, this didn't go unnoticed by Hyunjae himself. He knew you were spending less and less time together, plus, whenever you did it was always short and late at night, it felt sketchy and he was getting worried about you only being free then.

What are you doing on Saturday, babe? 🥺

You cursed under your breath, the more plans you turned down, the more he insisted with each new one he brought up.

I just have some work I need to catch up 😔

You were nervously biting on your nails, waiting for a reply. You couldn't just go offline, he would then have an excuse to check on you in person. You had to win.

We don't have to go out, I can just drop by your place for a while to keep you some company, right?

You pressed sent once you made sure your already written answer fitted his predictable insistence.

It's really important, I don't think I'll get some time to even get up and open the door for you, honey, I'm sorry 🥺 I really am but I can't risk this, maybe we can make different plans some other time, mhm?

You seriously wanted to puke at your own behavior, you didn't have to take your lies that far and it made you feel so bad.

But I won't distract you 🥺 At all, babe, yeah? I seriously don't get why I can't just hug you while you work on whatever you have to! You've always said no you can't say I'll be distracting if we've never tried...

You swallowed nervously and typed back, your heartbeat getting faster.

I really can't risk this, baby 🥺 I love you but I have to do this ♥️

"It's the best for you..." were words lingering on your mind to prevent you to run to your sad boyfriend and hug him tightly.

What about this? I send someone to come get you and take you here to me... Well, with us... At eleven or so, so we can check up on you 😉 You can't overwork yourself and you need rest, we'll make sure you get some and relax if you're done and if you need any help it's better to have us around, yeah? Doesn't it sound like a plan? 🥺

You were more likely to give in like that. It was easier for you, you were a saseng that payed their manager to get in the dorm, it was all your fault, he was never hiding anything from deobis. He, of course, didn't know that was the reason, but he knew you preferred being the one to come over.

And that was what you usually agreed on whenever you both had the next day off. It was always you only moving around when the streets were empty, it was easier. You wouldn't be seen that late at night and no one could ask questions.

So after you gave in, you were finally able to get in the shower. But after that all you did was stay in the bathtub, playing with some bubbles and trying to think of some important work you could say you had to do, you were running out of excuses.

Once you got to the dorm you were ready to jump over your boyfriend and shower him with kisses and love now that you finally got to meet him after so long. But there was an issue, there was someone else in there.

You knew Felix was a sweetheart and that he was close to Eric, but he had no idea you were dating Hyunjae. It was supposed to be a secret, of course he didn't know. You made your way into the living room and waved your hand at everyone before sitting by Juyeon, as far from Hyunjae as possible.

He gave you a confused look from across the room and you just stared at Felix, trying to subtly make your point clear. Once you looked back at him, he shrugged and patted the couch by him. You asked Sunwoo for a glass of water and changed your position so he wouldn't fit once he came back, forcing him to be the one sitting by your boyfriend.

He wasn't going to give up that easily. He suggested you all played a board game together, and even when everyone ended up fighting, they couldn't say no. He chose you for his team with a wide smile and you moved trying not to look back at him.

-So what's our strategy? - he whispered, flirty, from behind you, almost back hugging you as he rested his hands on the table in front of you and leaned closer.

-You're too close. - you squirmed trying to get away from him.

-I don't think this looks suspicious, babe. - he rested his head on your shoulder and held you closer so you'd stop moving and dragging attention.

-Hyunjae. No. - you harshly shoved his arms away from you.

-Why are you like this? I'm sick of this... Felix! We're dating- he got up and tried to gain the boys attention.

-Shut up! He's lying! - you started breathing faster and left to the kitchen.

-Did you seriously just told them we ain't together? - he immediately followed behind, frowning and closing the door behind him.

-You can't just go telling those things, we're not official, Hyunjae! - you crossed your arms, standing far from him.

-We're not public but we are officially actually dating! Does it mean nothing to you? - he looked hurt for a split second. - Wait, is it because... Do you want to go public? I- I love you, it's not that I don't want the world to know, babe. - his eyes were shaking and he looked so lost, not knowing what to do.

-Letting anyone else know is the last thing I want. - you sighed deeply. - It just would be horrible for you.

-What? You've been purposely avoiding me, haven't you?! - the guilty look of your eyes and your silence was enough to get him to understand. - How could you? I get you being worried about me, but you haven't been answering my calls and... Were you lying to me when you said you were busy?

-I didn't lie when I said it wouldn't be a good idea to meet like that. - you stared at your feet and played with your hands.

-Do you have an idea of how worried I was? Did you think about how I felt being ignored and avoided? Did you ever think about how I would feel when I discovered I've been lied to? - he looked betrayed.

-Do you seriously think I didn't miss you? This is just the best for the both of us. You were the one that said we couldn't have a normal relationship because of your job.

-I know I've been a bad busy boyfriend at times but it's nothing compared to this. A complicated relationship doesn't mean no relationship at all. - he closed his eyes and sighed for a while before continuing. - Why?

-Because I love you. - you mumbled, eyes getting red. - This is what I can't risk, I can't risk losing you or being bad to you and the boys by destroying your careers.

-Why would you do that by answering my calls?! - he shook his head, confused.

-What if someone heard? People could recognize your voice, I could say your name, people could realize we're dating and ask about my boyfriend. I can't do that in public.

-What are the odds? It's never happened before. And there's plenty of people with my name, I don't sound the same through the phone and you don't have to answer their questions. - he took a few steps, getting a little closer.

-Well... What about the dates you constantly plan to popular places? I couldn't just go with you and let everyone- you were interrupted.

-You didn't even glance at the tickets, right?

-They're movies tickets, Hyunjae!

-The fans' reaction could be worse for you than for us. Do you seriously think I'd put you in such a dangerous position? - he couldn't believe you, he really didn't get it.

-I... I don't but- you... You're very important to me, I'm sorry, okay? What else can I say? I messed up. - you shyly looked up at him.

-Yeah, you did... Big time... But I'm not stupid, I'm not going to loose more time being mad at you for not paying attention to me. I'm going to let you make up for it. - he smiled and opened his arms.

-What? - you laughed softly.

-I love you too. You said you did, now prove it. I want you to be the one making the first move, love. - he smirked at you taking a couple steps back. - Wait, I'll kick Felix out if you want.

-You'll what? - Felix whined from the outside before getting hit by Chanhee.

-What are you doing out there? - Hyunjae opened the door to look at them hiding outside and you ran to back hug him while his frown disappeared in front of the boys.

-I just wanted to know if you were actually together or not... - Felix chuckled softly.

-Are you okay now, tho? I heard screaming. - you both blushed at Younghoon's words.

-Can we just finish the freaking game?! I was winning! - Kevin yelled from the living room before you all went back to hang out together.

[tbzhours]

touch love

juyeon x you, royal au, fluff

[summary] it’s a small encounter but juyeon’s heart is big for you (feat. prince!tbz) [warnings] mentions of hunting/animals  [words] 2.5k  [a/n] soooo i might be planning a royal au series soon! enjoy this please ♡ 

Juyeon was out with his friends, riding their horses through the green fields not too far from his royal grounds. It was their weekly hangout, hunting or racing other wild animals through the forest. Juyeon loves it because he gets to shoot his arrows with accuracy practically since his trainings at home used fake animals made out of hay. 

Even though he doesn’t usually bring out his arrow kit, he decided to when one of his friends suggested him to since he hadn’t found a skill that he really likes, other than fencing. He was the best out of all of his friends. Though he always challenge them, they would get annoyed and reject his offer since he always nod with a funny smile. 

All of his friends nodded at each other, some smiling at the excitement they were going to have as they entered the forest. It was going to be a race on who would get out of there first with the goods they capture for a person to choose which event they would go together. Juyeon had a feeling it would be Haknyeon, knowing how good he was as one of the best horseback riders from their twelve lands. It could also be Sangyeon, who won a few races overseas or Hyunjoon, who was such a good bower. 

Anyhow, in reality, Juyeon had never hunt. He had his black horse running until he looked into the distance, seeing a bunny hopping away. He quickly stopped himself, paving his horse to the small animal’s way. He set his arrow through his bow, an eye closed as the other targeted the prey. As quiet as he could be while his horse was walking slowly, his lips curved to one side when the bunny stopped in their tracks. 

You had been walking through that same forest, enjoying nature and the animals that you met every week. It was always your place to go to when you had a long day, working at the horse race grounds. You wanted some quietness after the loud cheers and hearing things in nature had always calmed you down. 

You picked up a few flowers on the way through the forest, meeting the eyes and sounds of the sweet animals. It was as if they were greeting you and you smiled at them while your feet walked quietly against the dirt. That was when you heard a bunny making noises from their mouth with your eyes popping up at it. You tried to snicker at it, hoping it would come to you but it hopped away. 

You followed it, wanting to interact with it so when the bunny stopped again, you slowly walked up to it, hearing a soft breath of a horse nearby. 

Right when Juyeon shot his arrow, his horse suddenly neighed, its front legs jumping into the air when it saw you. Juyeon noticed you a second later where he fell from his horse, his arm hitting the ground. 

As for you, you had the bunny in your arms and from behind, his arrow poked through the end of your long robe. You sighed heavily, turning your head to Juyeon’s direction. 

“You almost killed him!” You shouted but didn’t realize he was out of your sight. Your breath calmed down before you got up, eyes suddenly worried when you heard Juyeon’s groan. You quickly let the bunny go and pulled the arrow off from the ground. With your head peeking up through the tall grass where Juyeon had fallen behind, you walked up to him. Your hands were sweaty as they lapsed together and when you really saw him there, you fell to your knees, your hands naturally touching his shoulders with care. 

Juyeon looked up at you from the painful moans he was making, his eyes suddenly stopping at the sight of your worried look. He couldn’t exactly tell but he thought he saw the sun in your eyes. It might have been too dimmed in the forest that he couldn’t say anything. 

“Are you okay?” You asked, a whisper tickling his ears. He nodded once then your face changed, your eyes sneering at him. “Why would you try to kill that little baby?” 

Your lips opened apologetically when he groaned in pain again after you had let him go in a light push. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” Juyeon softly laughed. He shifted then he asked, “Can you help me up?” 

You did as he said and it didn’t take too long for you to realize he was the prince of this town. You held onto your breath when he was avoiding your eyes with a shy smile on his lips because of how close your faces were. 

He got some nice eyes, you thought, but you snapped it out when it became quiet for a minute after letting him go from your arms. 

“Oh, your horse!” 

“Don’t worry about that.” Juyeon made a whistle with his hand before you both saw it coming back from where it was. His eyes left yours as his lips beamed more as his horse came back. He patted it as you wondered if he was really okay. The fall seemed so painful as you waited quietly with your hands folded at your stomach then his voice filled the air. “Are you okay?” 

You looked at him, who was already looking at you. With your growing eyes, they wandered somewhere else as your cheeks burned up. 

“I didn’t mean to shoot at the bunny or you for I, was hesitant.” He confessed. He sighed without a sound, looking at the ground with regret. Your heart softened at that look before he flashed a sad smile. 

“T-that’s okay...” You stuttered, Juyeon smiling happier like a giggle. His eyes formed the crescents of the moon as your heart raced. “Prince Juyeon.” 

“Oh, you know me.” You couldn’t look away from his damn smile after he beamed even more from his words. “You are?” 

You told him your name, your toes twirling on the ground. “Can I touch your horse?” 

Juyeon nodded and he took a step back for you to take a step forward. You shyly reached your hand to the horse and patted at the bridge of the nose, watching their eyes blank warmly. You smiled, knowing the horse had warmed up to you already before you turned back to him. 

“She may look soft but she’s a bold winner of my life.” Juyeon revealed with a sneaky smile at the edge of his lips. 

“Really? I can tell, she loves you so dearly.” Your eyes roamed down to his arm where his hand was still holding onto it. “Anyway, are you okay?” 

“Not sure.” He didn’t want to say since he felt lost in your eyes since the fall. He smiled and assured you, “I’ll get it check once I get back.” 

“Okay.” You nodded after moving away from the horse. You started to take a few steps back as he flinched, though it wasn’t detectable. You glanced at him, a hidden blissful smile flashing down. “I guess I’ll see you around then?” 

Juyeon wanted to invite you to his royal grounds but you already turned your back with your fast-paced walk. He had his hand reaching out but he let it down and sighed to himself. He saw the bunch of flowers you left on the ground as he smiled. Maybe next time when he gets to know you more. 

Juyeon was all awed later that night when his friends got back to his place. They were all chilling over some drinks and snacks until Eric came over to him, sitting next to him on the couch with his arm over his shoulders. 

“What’s going on?” Eric asked as he smirked. “Don’t tell me you’re sad because you were the last one to get out of the forest and didn’t even get anything but a cut on your arm?” 

“Or let me guess, you don’t want to join us at the horse race tomorrow.” 

“Hey! You have to! We chose that!” Younghoon argued after hearing the short conversation from the long table of food in the spacious room. He had a cup in his hand when Sunwoo added from behind him. 

“Haknyeon did!” 

Juyeon laughed and had his hands up in the air. Eric let him go and he moved back as Juyeon explained. “You all need to calm down. It has nothing to do with that.” 

“Then what is it?” Jacob, who was sitting on the edge of the window with his hair falling down at the side of his face, asked. 

Kevin and Chanhee were roleplaying a little romantic show on the side with their arms around each other and faces close as if they were mocking what Juyeon was going to say. Sangyeon and Hyunjae shook their heads at the two before looking back at the little lost boy. 

“I just- I met a lovely person in the forest and we had a nice talk about animals, and my horse and I just think- I’m in love.” 

Some of his friends giggled while some nodded with a teasing look on their lips. Eric couldn’t help to put his arm over Juyeon again after everyone went back to what they were doing. He was still smirking when he whispered, “You should just stick to fencing.” 

Juyeon didn’t care that he came out last from the forest because he got to meet you. He assumed you loved animals so he hoped that you’d be at the horse race in a few days. That way, he could tell you about how his injury wasn’t that bad or he could maybe have the chance to confess his love for you. 

That day came when you were sitting in the box office, getting people tickets. Weirdly, there were so many elegant people coming to see the horse race. It was usually enjoyed by the people who lived in the town but you didn’t mind it much because that meant your business was going up. You happily rang people up before you ran up the stairs and into one of the VIP balconies to watch the race. 

In a few balconies away from you, there was Juyeon and his friends. They were all excited, discussing over who would win when Juyeon suddenly glanced over the edge and saw you leaning over the railing of the balcony. He suddenly beamed as the announcer introduced out all of the racers, letting the game begin soon. 

Your eyes were watching the crowd from below when you suddenly heard their cheers. Many of them, the most elegant ones, weren’t looking forward but rather, up at the balcony close to you. You followed the sights until you saw a bunch of men in some luxurious attires. You recognized some of them, some being princes from nearby towns. That was when it hit you, realizing that they were the reason so many people showed up today. 

You didn’t know why you sighed but Juyeon saw the sad look on your face and it worried him that he wasn’t paying attention to Eric’s accuracy theory over the horses of the race. Juyeon waved a hand at him, telling him that he’d be right back before he walked away from him with a quick smile. 

As you watched the horses getting in line for the race, you sighed once again. Your hands were holding onto the railing at your sides before your mind was interrupted by Juyeon’s voice. 

“Why are you here alone?” 

You quickly turned to him, your eyes widening as he was suddenly in your sight. “Juyeon?” 

He mumbled his laugh as he walked up to you, standing at your side as you couldn’t look away. He took a glance at you and his lips were beaming. “It’s more fun to watch it with someone.” 

“I’m used to this.” You confessed as he set his hands onto the railing too, where his pinky almost touched yours. 

“Is that so?” His eyebrow heightened slowly. You smiled at him before looking back at the race when it began from the shot. He followed your eyes to the race and asked, “Who do you think will win?” 

“I’m not telling.” You hid your blushing cheeks through your tightened smile as your fingers playful tapped the railing. He probably wanted win the bet he played with his friends, you thought. You turned to him, looking at his arm. “Is your arm okay?” 

“My royal care are wonderful so I’m all healed up already.” He sneered, though he had a smirky smile. 

You took a glance over to his friends, wondering if he came from there. It was no doubt when one of them was gasping, pointing over before the rest turned your way. “Oh my god.” 

Juyeon turned to you with your surprised sound before he followed your eyes. He smiled at them, pointing a finger back to you though it was hidden so that his friends could only see it. They seemed to enjoy the view more than the race as you looked away from them, suddenly feeling hot from all of their eyes staring your way. Juyeon grinned before turning to you. 

“Don’t worry about them.” He assured you with such beautiful eyes that you were mesmerized by the soft look of them. He smiled down at your close hands before he slowly move his over yours, his pinky tickling over your skin first. 

“Juyeon?” You whispered underneath your breath, knowing how much air you need right now. You slowly roamed at your covered hand before your eyes led up to meet his smiling face. 

“Yes?” It was such a teasing squeak coming from the tip of his tongue. You knew he had so much to tell when he tilted his head. 

“You have something to tell me?” You asked slowly before he hummed, thinking of an answer, then he looked back at you. 

“I’m not good at horseback riding?” Juyeon was surprised, he managed to make you snort a laugh. He shrugged quickly, looking out at the tight race. “I have a confession to make before I make a fool of myself.” 

“What is it?” Your eyes tried to read his with such anticipation. Your heart was racing and you could tell his was too when his hand tightened more over yours. 

“It might be too early to say, but I’m in love with you, since the day at the forest.” His eyes softened at the sight of your hands where his thumb was rubbing on the edge of your hand. “Whether you don’t want to accept this feeling from me, I hope you would consider going on a few trips with me so you can understand my heart. Would that be possible?” 

You didn’t need to say anything when your lips beamed at the moment of falling deep into the heart of Juyeon’s eyes, hearing your betted horse winning in from the cheers (his friends’ cheers were probably the loudest) as you turned your hand over and locked your fingers together like they should have when he had reached his hand over to you in the blooming forest. 

[taehyungiestummy]

Lucky -- Jidwi Ending

Masterlist     Previous

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2503

         It’s been a while since my reason to live left me. All the days blur together, and I have lost the ability to care. I don’t care about the fight for king. I don’t care about the fight for king. I don’t care about leaving Hwarang. I don’t care that Master Wihwa was in limbo with his job as leader of Hwarang. I don’t care what is going on with Ahro. I just don’t care. Even though I know I should.

         I sniffle, curling further into myself.

         I’ve returned home to mourn the loss of Hansung. I didn’t even attend the funeral that Master Wihwa held because I was such a wreck. I cried for many days, and just recently start to eat again.

         The Hwarang called for me at first, talking about how strong I am, and how if I left, a hole would form among them. That I have proven myself to be just like them, so why would I throw it all away? I could hear Master Wihwa pleading with me, with Star Eyes, to return. But I couldn’t.

         “It hurts too much,” I whimper.

         The sounds of footsteps that seem to stop in front of my door, and then intense mumbling fill my ears. After all this time alone, with only my father or Yeseul bringing me food, I don’t want someone to come and visit me.

         The door to my room slowly opens, and then moment later is quietly closes. My body tenses as I wait for whoever has entered to speak.

         “Ara, it’s me,” Jidwi’s voice fills my ears. “I’m no longer Jidwi, but King Jinheung. Not that you probably care with what has happened to you. Even with all the power that I have, I can do nothing to help you feel better. I can never bring him back, and I wish I could.”

         I open my mouth to answer, but I find that my throat is raw from my bawling.

         “I’ve been trying to come see you for a while now that I have the throne, but with all the change, I haven’t much time.”

         I groan, forcing myself to uncurl, and then push into a sitting position to look over at Jidwi, who looks to be right on the edge of crying. “His Majesty, I am sorry for how I look,” I choke out.

         “No, Ara,” Jidwi stumbles over to me, falling to his knees in a bow. “I’m sorry, and I am the only one who should be sorry,” he has begun to cry. “If I would have had the courage to just say I was the King, to take the throne from my mother, then no one would have gone after Sunwoo, and Hansung would still be here. And you would be the ray of sunshine that you used to me.”

         “His Majesty,” I place a hand on his shoulder. “Please, I don’t deserve to have you bow to me. All I am is a half-breed.”

         He takes a deep breath before sitting up. “Please, don’t call me His Majesty.” He wipes the tears off his cheeks. “It may be proper, but I hate hearing it come from you.”

         I pull my hand away, “Then what should I call you? Can I call you Jidwi? Even though that isn’t your real name.”

         He softly smiles, “You’ll be the only one to call me it now, so it will be perfect. It sounds so lovely coming from you.”

         I feel my lips curl up slightly as a tiny heat rises to my cheeks. “Jidwi, I don’t want you to feel like Hansung’s death was your fault. It was a freak accident led on by greed and the stupid bone rank.”

         “That’s what I hope to change. I don’t want the Royal Council to have the power and focus on the bone rank that they did. We are all citizens of Silla, and that is how we should be treated.”

         “A good change of pace,” I nod. “It will help get people to treat everyone the same. Then no one will worry about that ridiculous bone rank, and hopefully treat each other the same.”

         “I can only hope so,” he sighs. “You have gone through so much because of your lack of knowledge on your background. The term lucky has followed and tormented you all your life. It should have never been like that. You should have never been treated like that.”

         I shrug, “It shaped me into the girl I am today. The female Hwarang, able to take some mean words, and to find those who are my true friends. It was all for a reason.”

         “It also led me to you,” he lowers his voice, reaching out to brush hair out of my face. “Ahro, she never felt the same way about me that I did for her. I was going for a girl that was not right for me. You, you were always right there, showing me what a friend is like, and was always so sweet to me. I should have seen that before now.”

         “We can’t be together though, I’m no royalty.”

         “You are though, and I want you to be my queen.”

         “What are you talking about?” I furrow my eyebrows. “I can’t be your queen, Jidwi.”

         “I went digging around the scrolls of the palace, looking for anything about you. If you were royalty, I would find it, and I did,” he grins. “You come from another land, outside of our three kingdoms, but your father, the man of this house, his is your actual father. Yeseul, she’s your father’s wife’s sister, like they tell you, and your mother’s best friend. Your mother came here scared and alone, having run away, and she met your father. It was love, and you were born, but she died, and so did your half-sibling and their mother. Your father told that part of the story to me when I showed up, and he kept you because the Queen would have killed you, and he made up whatever story he could to protect you because he loves you so much. And now, I want to protect you like he has. I will not marry my sister, but I will marry you.”

         “So, that’s why I’m different,” I blink away tears. “What about my eyes?”

         He brings a hand up to cup one side of my face. “Eyes that have nothing on the night sky because they are so beautiful. Those eyes? Those are, and have always been, a gift from the one who made you.”

         “You are such a smooth talker,” I poke his stomach. “Becoming king didn’t change you, and I am happy about that.”

         “Who would have thought that calling you a princess all that time in Hwarang would be true?”

         “I got lucky, I guess,” I let out a small laugh.

         “Now, what do you say about coming back with me to the palace and working to become Queen?”

********

         “Where is he?” I pout, setting the book I just finished on my lap and look at the door to the bedroom hoping Jidwi will walk in.

         It’s been almost two years since I agreed to come back to the palace with Jidwi and become the Queen of Silla. Within months of being at the palace, we were married, and ever since I have been learning the ways of being Queen. I refuse to be a doll, though, and I like to train with Jidwi or the Hwarang when I can, as well as go on horse rides with Jidwi.

         About a year ago, Jidwi and I decided that is was time to try for a child, and even with how busy he is as King, he found time to be with me. After a few months of no success, I was starting to get worried, but I trusted it would all work out in the end.

         “We’ll just go find him,” I nod, standing up from my chair and setting my book on the seat. Then I head out of our room and head to the one place that he usually is at the middle of the day.

         As I walk through the halls, I pass multiple servants and guards, all giving me genuine smiles and polite bows. Unlike the Queen before me, my heart is warm, and I am nice to every single person I interact with.

         “Queen Ara,” the girl standing outside the King’s private quarters that is sued for important meetings bows to me.

         “Hello dear,” I tenderly smile. “Is my husband in there by chance?”

         “He is. Would you like to see him?”

         “I would, very much.”

         She turns to face the door, “His Majesty, someone is here to see you!”

         “Send them in!” Jidwi responds.

         “Thank you,” I give a tiny bow to the girl as she opens the door. Then I step into the room and the door slides close behind me.

         Jidwi is in his seat looking like the elegant King he has always been. His gaze is on something out the window, and I am sure there is a lot on his mind. Hopefully I can clear his mind for a few moments.

         I clear my throat as I step closer, a smile slowly forming on my lips.

         “Not even going to announce who you are,” Jidwi’s voice comes out hard, and a glare is on his face. It all changes when he looks at me. His face relaxes, and a loving smile replaces his frown. “Baby, what brings you here?”

         “I was waiting for you to come see me, but it seems you forgot,” I giggle. “Has today been busy, His Majesty?” I tease.

         “Come over here,” he smirks, beckoning me with his index finger.

         I walk up to him, squealing in delight when he pulls me onto his lap.

         “A King is always busy, but I should never neglect my Queen.” He presses kisses to my cheek and jaw. “I’m glad you came, Ara. With you here, my next meeting won’t be that bad.”

         “Oh, you’re just going to hold me here against my will?” I poke his side.

         “You don’t want to leave, and you know it.”

         “Yeah, I don’t,” I rest my head on his shoulder. “I love you, Jidwi.”

         He pulls me closer as he cradles me like a baby. “I love you, Ara.”

         We sit in comfortable silence, enjoying each other’s presence. His heartbeat calms me as I try to prepare myself for the news I came here to tell him.

         “As much as I love just holding you, I know you don’t come here unless you have something to tell me,” Jidwi chuckles. “Like all those book endings, or that dog that wandered in. So what do you have to tell me, beautiful?”

         “Well, I’ve been trying to figure out how I want to say if for a few days now,” I nibble on my bottom lip.

         “If someone disrespected you in any way, I will deal with them.”

         “No, that hasn’t happened since I first got here all that time ago.”

         “Don’t be afraid to tell me anything, baby,” he runs a hand up and down my back. “I love you, and nothing is going to change that.” He presses a quick kiss to my lips.

         “I know,” I take a deep breath. “We’ve been trying for a child for a while now, with nothing to show for it. I started to think it was me, and maybe someone would have to come in to bear a child for us.”

         “I would never do that,” he gives me a small squeeze.

         “I know,” I press a kiss to his jaw. “Now we haven’t been able to try because my stomach has been upset a lot, and I don’t think it’s because I have been worrying.”

         “I had all the food checked the moment you started feeling ill, but since it is only you, I hope you aren’t sick with something. If anyone were harming you, I would go on a rampage. You mean the world to me, and I can’t be without you. You make me better.”

         “That’s why I had Ahro come over to check on me,” I place a hand on his stomach.

         “Ahro came, huh?”

         “She did, and she did a lot of tests to rule out all kinds of sicknesses. Then I told her about us trying, and it all made sense.”

         “What do you mean? You’re okay, right?”

         “I’m fine. We’re both fine,” I tenderly smile, looking into Jidwi’s eyes.

         “Both?” His eyebrows furrow.

         “I’m pregnant, Jidwi,” I softly say.

         His eyes widen as a huge smile takes over his face. “Are you serious?”

         “Of course. Ahro heard the heartbeat, and I am starting to show, which is why I have been wearing bigger dresses. I am pregnant,” I giggle. “It feels so good to say out loud.”

         “This is amazing,” Jidwi presses a passionate kiss to my lips. Then he leans down to press many kisses to my belly. “Hello little baby, it’s me, your dad. I can’t wait to hold you and love you like I was never really loved. And you will have the best mother in the whole world.”

         I giggle, “You are so goofy.”

         He sits back up, rubbing my belly as he does so. “I think I am going to cancel any other meetings I have today so I can spend time with me lovely, Queen.” He puts a hand under my knees, and the other behind my back before he stands up with me in his arms. “This calls for a bit of a celebration.” He walks us out of the room, shocking the girl out in the hall.

         “His Majesty,” the girl bows.

         “I’m done for the day, so tell anyone that I am with my pregnant wife,” he widely grins.

         “Queen Ara,” she gasps, looking up at me.

         Jidwi turns, leading us somewhere. “My wife is pregnant; I can’t believe this. After all this time trying, it finally happened. You needed to rest as much as possible, and eat whatever you want, and read all the books, and I need to kiss and love you more, and-”

         “Jidwi,” I chuckle, causing him to stop in the middle of the hallway. “Please, just shut up and kiss me.”

         “If the Queen commands it, I will do it,” he smirks, connecting our lips in a love-filled kiss.

         All my life I have gone through people taunting me because of who I am. I have always been put down for being lucky, but I have always pushed to prove myself to people. Now, I don’t have to prove anything to Jidwi. He’ll always love me no matter what. Even if it takes us a while to conceive a child, or if I don’t act like a proper Queen. Jidwi doesn’t care, and he will always love me. And I guess I can say that I got a little lucky with him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I love Jidwi, and I just love this ending that he gets with Ara. I love writing fluff and having my characters happy. If you want to see more Jidwi and Ara, feel free to request them doing something! I am happy to keep writing for these characters, as I love these characters. Thanks for reading! :D

[theboyz-engup]

To All The Boyz I’ve Loved Before; Letter Six

Summary- It was wonderful what a few little letters could do; they could make or break a friendship, cause someone to laugh or smile, make someone remember the time of their life or that moment they wanted to forget. Just some words on paper and poof, everyone knew the way your heart beat and workings of your brain. High school really did wonders on you, as did those twelve boys. Maybe they didn’t know it, but they changed your whole life with each smile, each wave, and each word you typed into paper. You made them permanent, and now they had to know why.

Word Count- 8.8k

a/n: i legit cannot believe i’m halfway through this story hnngghfgjd i hope you guys all enjoy this, thank you all for sticking with me through it xx

Previous Letter - Next Letter

Coming home to an empty house wasn’t necessarily surprising at this point but the disappointment in his chest didn’t go away. He’d specifically told his parents that this was his only week off and he would be home only for a while if they wanted to see him and still, nothing. He should’ve figured from the train station when neither of them had come to pick him up but, as it turns out, he never learns.

Frowning, Jaehyun knocked his shoes off and placed them to the side, listening for the sound of Honey but realizing she wasn’t here either. He missed her too, almost most of all, and of course they’d taken her too. Bitterly, he made his way to the kitchen and found a few letters stacked up on the counter. Reading the note left by him mom about making his own dinner, he sighed and scoured through the rest of the mail if some was his. Catching his name in typewriter print, he felt a bit excited and, as he walked over to the freezer for some easily made food, he began his read.

Dear Lee Jaehyun,

What you’re about to read has been the best part of my grade ten year. I hope you aren’t upset by the fact that you’re what made it so great.

Early February, 2016

“Did you guys hear?” Amalia was loud, as usual, but this time with something urgent on her lips. She rushed into your little study room, flinging her bag off her back and plopping it on the table with a rush of words following her. As she took out her books and sat down, she rambled, “there was a robbery earlier this morning. Apparently, they hit like four houses down your street, y/n. It’s super weird and dangerous for down here since we all like know each other. I can’t even imagine-”

“Did you just say near y/n’s house?” Shankeri sat up in her seat, taking her boots off the table and suddenly becoming serious.

Amalia nodded, though she didn’t seem worried. “Yeah like a few houses up from her. Police and stuff came before they could loot more so you’re safe but yeah.”

“You sound insane,” Sunwoo stated, not looking up from his paper. He’d taken to keeping his hat on around school, hood on over it and withdrawing into his paper and pen for some quality lyrics. Jace smacked the board Sunwoo had in hand, looking serious as well.

“How are you so calm right now?”

Sunwoo shrugged, pointing the end of his pen at you. Before he returned to his work, he gave Jace a bitter look and muttered, “do you see y/n freaking out? No? Then why should you?”

“Y/n wouldn’t scream if they were about to get hit by a bus,” Amalia hummed, countering Sunwoo. “Their fight or flight instinct doesn’t work. It’s just freeze.”

You had to admit she was right there. You would hardly ever scream, recalling how hard it was to imitate a scream when you were doing a play in grade four. The thought made you cringe and you retreated back to your work.

“Well, it’s no big deal,” you started, picking up your pencil to stare at some numbers that made absolutely no sense to you, “as long as I still have my fridge and microwave, I think I’m good.”

“See,” Sunwoo chimed, drawing the word out. “Now hush, I’m trying to think.”

Hyunjoon from across your little table met your eyes as you looked around. He was the only one who noticed, and he gave you a little smile.

As much as you pretended you were okay with it, the thought of a crime happening in your neighbourhood- so close to you, really- it scared you a lot. You wanted some support or just someone to walk home with you and stay so you wouldn’t be alone. You doubted a robbery would happen again, there were police staggered up and down the streets surrounding your house but you couldn’t help but feel like something ominous was about to happen. It was like there was this ghost floating just paces behind you and you couldn’t see it but you could feel it. That night, luckily, everyone was home. Tomorrow was another issue, seeing as Haymond had an away game for the weekend and your parents needed to visit someone in the city.

Amalia took long strides beside you as you travelled from class to the cafeteria. Her fingers were in the loops of her backpack and she was wearing more makeup than her usual eyebrows and lashes. Her lips pouted out as she spoke, genuinely upset.

“My parents said I’m not allowed to keep you company this weekend while your parents and Haymond are away. They offered for you to come over but my sister’s allergic to dogs.”

Linking arms with her, you only shrugged, trying to play it cool. “That’s fine.”

Panic set in soon after as you realized nobody else was available this weekend. Sunwoo was in the city, far away and training this weekend. Hyunjoon was out for his grandmother’s birthday, and Jace and Shankeri weren’t your closest friends. You could’ve asked them but felt like that was probably more awkward than being alone.

Slowly, on your walk home, you began to realize you really didn’t have any other option. You trusted him, he took care of your dog, he was nice. You went on walks together often enough and texted sometimes. Your mum had even ordered you and Haymond over to dinner with him whenever his parents weren’t home and she wanted a nice date night with dad. It wasn’t the worst idea you had, you admitted; but, maybe if your parents hadn’t left by the time you got home, you could change your mind. Doing some homework on the road wouldn’t be so bad.

Steadily, you rounded the corner to your street and squinted to see further, hoping to see your car in your driveway. There was no such luck and your great idea turned sour in your mouth. You liked Jaehyun, you did, it was just that this was supposed to be a different kind of weekend. You were supposed to relax and study for your classes with Amalia, paint each other’s nails, watch romantic comedies and then break into Haymond’s room and play his video games. Now, you would spend it being entirely nervous but not out of fear; Jaehyun just made you nervous with each look he gave you and each smile. He made your stomach tie in knots and it was so hard to untangle them the more you got to know him. He went from being this quiet and observant boy to a loud and boisterous man, someone who would text you over and over just to pay attention to him and then leave you on read whenever he was busy.

He was so weird and complex and yet, so fun and happy when you caught him on his good days. Sometimes he got really upset though and he caved into himself. He would become so quiet not because he was reading his crowd but because he wasn’t even there. He was thinking and forming a mass of nervousness and self doubt in the pit of his heart. You never knew what to say to him when he got like that, this man who was three years older than you was still just so fragile. Maybe he’s afraid of being alone too, you thought, taking your phone out of your pocket once you got inside and sending him a quick text. It was just a hello but you hoped it would warrant a response.

After a few hours, you figured it wasn’t. You sent one more and then two and then five more messages, all saying the same thing- all just saying hello. The moment you were about to send another, just as the sun dipped over the hill and darkness was holding the world still, your phone rang. The picture of him and your dog showed up, the one you used for his contact photo, with two little buttons for ignoring or answering the call. Quickly, you swiped and brought your phone up to your ear.

You didn’t even have time to say hello. He just went straight into his sentence, deadpanning, “you know, I’ve figured out that if you just stop responding to people then they stop texting.”

Not knowing what to say, you simply stood silent, mouth opening and closing but finding no air for words. Jaehyun didn’t have a problem continuing his thought, voice lighter and more teasing.

“You’re clearly an exception. What’s up, why did you spam me?”

The idea of you hearing your request out loud made your throat swell. Did it sound like you were asking him over because you wanted something from him? You just wanted company- not to be alone and sleep easy knowing someone else would also be there to protect you against the imaginary burglar that could show up. He didn’t even have to interact with you, in fact, you’d prefer it that way. You could just be in the same house and that was enough.

“C- can you like come over or something?” The question took a bit of effort but you made it out. Your eyes were on the ground, watching your feet carry you from tile to tile in your kitchen. The silence made you anxious and you were so close to explaining yourself but decided against it. If he took it the wrong way, that was his fault.

All he did was hang up, the dial tone loud in your ear. With your lips parted, you took your phone from your ear and looked at it. The audacity, you thought, absolutely beside yourself. Jaehyun, the person who’d told you to always call him if you needed something, had just ignored your request. To be fair, he said that with reference to Barly but still, it hurt your feelings.

Barly rounded the corner, his collar creating small chimes as he came closer and closer. He looked up at you in the kitchen and then sat, expectant. You would’ve forgotten to feed him if he hadn’t come to see you, tilting his head towards his food bin.

“Right, I’ll get some dinner for us both, yeah?”

Slowly, you worked around the kitchen and got the meal your mom had written out for Barly. He needed to lose some weight so he was on a strict diet for now and your parent shad been careful enough to list exactly what was needed for each meal and tape it onto the fridge for you to see. As you set the bowl down, telling Barly to wait, you murmured, “guess it’s just me and you tonight.”

He barked in response and you took it as a sign of solidarity. If anything, you could watch some bad movies together. Sure, you wouldn’t have anyone to direct your comments at but it would still feel like you weren’t alone.

“Here you go, buddy,” you hummed before a grown slipped past your teeth. Why did it hurt so much just to bend over. As you walked towards your door to put your extra lock on, rubbing the small of your back, you heard Barly bark again.

He didn’t like to bark and hardly did so it was an odd occurrence. Despite yourself, a chill creeped under your skin and you hurried to your door, knowing the extra lock would give you peace of mind, though the fear wouldn’t really go away. Barly followed after you and got there first, sitting quietly. His tail wagged back and forth slowly and then, one final bark. You couldn’t help yourself and you ran to the door, really just wanting that one final lock on but-

A shriek slipped past your lips and you nearly fell over, your eyes trained on a shadow that appeared before the window of your door. A soft knock fell through and the figure became slightly recognizable, though you didn’t really believe it. Barly came over to you, knocking his nose against your leg almost as if to ask if you were okay.

Jaehyun’s voice followed suit, coming through the door. “Y/n? Did you just scream, what’s wrong?”

“Lee Jaehyun!” you nearly yelled, rushing to the door and ripping it open to be faced with such a casual looking boy. He was wearing joggers and a pair of sneakers with the thinnest hoodie on. A little cap was atop his head and, over his shoulder, he’d strung a bag and a windbreaker.

“You scared the living crap out of me,” you said rather loudly, though your voice shook and wavered near the end of your sentence. His pouted lips formed themselves into a smile as he looked down at you and laughed lightly.

“How? By showing up when you asked me to?”

Puffing your cheeks up, you tried to think of a response but he was right. You did ask for him to come over and he did as was told, only he didn’t tell you he was coming. With a great big sigh, you let him know that he could’ve said he was coming over instead of hanging up because then you wouldn’t have been so worried. Jaehyun was much too preoccupied though, having come in and squatting to rub at Barly’s ears.

“Who’s a good boy? You, yes, you,” he crooned, using his baby voice quietly. When he grinned, his eyes became long and nearly closed, matching Barly’s eyes as he moved his head into Jae’s hands. His lips came forwards as he made ridiculous sounds at your dog, acting so sweet with him. Barly was a second away from falling in love when you called him over to finish his dinner. Swiftly, he left Jaehyun’s hands to come and rub his head under one of yours and then went to his food.

Jaehyun, abandoned, was now forced to take his shoes off and borrow one of your dad’s pairs of slippers, seeing as Haymond’s didn’t fit him. As he got settled in, he asked teasingly, “are you jealous because your dog likes me better? Hmm?”

“He does not,” you protested, crossing your arms as Jae made his way to your living room. He was now holding his bag straight, looking around the place before settling on you.

“I’ll prove it tomorrow,” he seemed to promise. There was something about his eyes that made it feel like he was the son of Hermes. They flashed and glittered like he had secrets and jokes hidden in unorganized piles of papers. Sometimes, you could swear he had figures dancing across them, like he was telling a great story without saying much of anything.

“So,” he started, clearly excited but equally exhausted, “where am I sleeping?”

Leaving Jaehyun to get settled in the living room let you have some time alone for the time being. He promised he’d stay only if you watched movies with him and made him some popcorn. About three times in your little negotiation, he threatened to leave but he was already so comfortable on the couch. The blanket that was thrown over an arm of your sofa was hanging off his shoulders as you played rock, paper, scissors to decide on your final terms, which was the flavour of popcorn. Luckily, it landed on plain popcorn and, while he got ready for movie night, you went to get ready for bed.

You took a shower and got changed, even washed your face and primed it for a face mask, which you were going to force Hyun to do with you. Grinning as you walked downstairs in your winter pyjamas, just a pair of long, plaid pants, and a long sleeved shirt of your father’s, you caught sight of Hyun changing and paused. Dashing back up the few steps so he was out of sight, you whined quietly to yourself, hating the way your heart raced at seeing his shoulder blade. You mean, really? Who cares about a shoulder? You had a shoulder and nobody fawned over yours.

Shaking your head quickly, wishing for the nervousness to disappear and trying hard to manually shove it down your throat, you finished your walk down the stairs. He was now just sitting on the couch, eyes on the television screen and flipping through channels. He perked up seeing you, eyebrows raising and eyes settling on you. He looked so soft, hair now settled so it dared to fall into his eyes and clothes just the slightest bit bigger than they should be to fit. He looked like he had rushed to pack which, honestly, you figured he probably did. He wasn’t wearing the most flattering clothes and yet, he still managed to make you feel all knotted up.

“I brought face masks,” you mused, lifting them up in the air. Hyun clapped, the remote between his hands as he did so.

“Popcorn?” His ears perked up almost as if he were a dog himself, legs crossed and chest leaning forwards expectantly.

“After,” you drew out, sitting on the couch beside him and handing him the one labelled ‘pore control’. Clicking his tongue, he gaped at you as he read the description and tapped your shoulder.

“Excuse me!”

The laugh that slipped past your teeth was calming enough, even though he did complain as he took his out of the sleeve. You were putting yours on without a mirror so you hoped it would turn out fine, your hands smoothing over the bubbles you felt on your cheeks.

“But it’s necessary, have you seen your pores? So open,” you giggled, animated as you explained to him why he was getting his mask. He looked at you incredulous and with his lips parted like a fish’s out of water.

“Okay, I repeat, excuse me, I have great skin, thank you very much,” he huffed, trying hard to put the mask on without his hair getting in the way. He was bending forwards, figuring that gravity would be enough to get his hair out of the way and he wasn’t necessarily wrong. You were chuckling lightly, watching him struggle as you turned the hair tie you had round your wrist around and around.

“You’re just jealous,” he finished, giving up and letting his hair fall on the damp mask.

“No,” you hummed, looking down at your hair tie and deciding to be nice as you beckoned him forwards. “I’m sorry you can’t admit the truth, Hyun.”

His eyes watched you as you got on your knees, hoping the extra height would help you tie a better knot to keep his bangs out of the way. Your fingers grasped as much hair as possible and you tied a knot carefully so that it wouldn’t hurt him but also so he would look like a little pineapple sprout.

Giggling as you pulled away, you sat back down on your legs and announced, “there. You look perfect.”

“I hate it when you laugh like that,” he said worriedly, bringing up his phone to check what he looked like in his camera, “that always means you did something ev- y/n!”

“Take the picture,” you demanded, getting in so your face was in the frame and making a silly face. He took the picture with him looking stern, though he did crack a smile at it after.

“Told you that you look great,” you chimed, sitting down in your spot next to him. You were cross legged with your hands placed in the hole in front of you and your smile was ridiculously easy. Jaehyun just looked at you and scoffed, though he was laughing himself.

Quietly, he reached out and fixed a part of your mask, smoothing out a bubble there before turning his gaze back to the screen.

“Now can we get popcorn?”

You had to pretend like the touch of his skin meant nothing to you as you nodded, suddenly silent as you paced to the kitchen. Unknowingly, you reached to cup the part of your mask he’d fixed and smiled to yourself. All the while, as the popcorn popped and the movie went on, your little smile never faded.

That night was so sweet. It was almost unimaginable that you would be this kind to me. I remember you looking up at me from your spot on the floor (which you said was more comfortable for you but I have my suspicions that you were just trying to make me more comfortable) and asking me so seriously why my parents left me at home that weekend. I don’t think I would’ve had it any other way. You were so nice to me but not because you had to be. You were just a kind person and it felt so good to just be myself with someone who wasn’t going to judge me. Even when I made stupid jokes, you would just look back at me and laugh as if you couldn’t believe I was real. You made me really happy that night and I held onto it for a while. I expect I’ll be holding on for a very long time.

Early March, 2016

“Hey, y/n,” Jaehyun called, shuffling past people in the hallways to catch up with you. Hardly hearing it, you tried to keep going forwards but Amalia stuck her foot out in front of you, stopping you in your tracks.

He was right behind you when you turned to face him and you had to stumble backwards so you weren’t craning your neck up to meet his gaze. Sunwoo’s little story was interrupted as Hyun began his speech, though he was really only talking to you.

With his hands pressing down on the straps of his bag, he asked, “can I take Barly out after school today?”

You blinked. He would usually text you to ask you this, seeing as your classes weren’t close to each others at all- and that he was a senior. There was no sound between you two, which seemed to go for too long since Amalia’s elbow poked your side. From the corner of your eye, you could see her staring you down, eyes wide as if to convey a message.

“Uh, uhh, yeah? Yes,” you decided on saying, snapping out of your head for a moment. Regretfully, you replayed your answer in your head and winced internally, hating the way you sounded. It was like your brain was made of air.

Peaking a smile, Jae straightened, clearly glad. As his face softened, he pushed another question. Somehow, it seemed so calculated, like he was gauging how and when he should say what. Is this what people called feeling someone out?

“Do you want to come with? I want to train Honey near the river and I think you could try it with Barly too. It could be fun.”

Once again, you had nothing to say. The whole situation was entirely overwhelming and you didn’t understand what he wanted. Why he was asking you this, where he wanted to go, why he wanted to go with you: all of it went over your head. All you knew was that your breath could hardly make it past your throat.

Noticing another quiet spell, Amalia took it upon herself to answer, confidently saying, “they’ll think about it and text you? We’re preparing for a test so they’re kind of out of it right now.”

Sunwoo nodded to that, though he didn’t seem quite interested in Jaehyun. His eyes were on your face, carefully drifting between you two. Picking up the ends of what Amalia said, you quickly added, “I’ll let you know. Promise.”

Jaehyun’s smile never wavered, though you noticed how a glitter in his eyes seemed to fall away. He nodded, saying he’d see you later, turned on his heel and walked away. Dumbfounded, you couldn’t move from your spot until Amalia nicked you in the side again. You were so lost in your head, wondering what exactly he meant to do with all of that. The interaction seemed stale and directed, like he came talking with a purpose but not a malicious one. Did he really want to hang out with you, without Haymond or your parents in the way? What his intentions were, you couldn’t even begin to imagine. Your final thought was that maybe… maybe he felt the same flutter in his heart when you tied his hair that you did when he fixed your face mask.

Thinking about it dared for heat to rush up your cheeks but you quickly pushed it down with the elbow in your side, trying to return to reality. Slowly, you looked up at your friend and murmured, “do we really have a test today?”

“N- no, you idiot.” Amalia began somewhat serious but broke into a giggle. With her arm strung around your shoulder, she turned you round and you continued on your way to the cafeteria. Sunwoo was unusually quiet.

“Think you’re going to go?”

“Why wouldn’t they?” Sunwoo spoke up, somewhat sullen but clearly trying to force his point. “Y/n’s been into him since they first moved in.”

“Hey,” you tried to protest, raising your voice the slightest but knowing you had no response. Then, quietly, you just nodded your head and said, “I mean, that’s not wrong.”

Amalia giggled, musing as she continued taking the group to your table where Hyunjoon was already waiting, “you don’t even know. He was all she talked about until she found Sangyeon. Do you remember that? No, never mind, we weren’t friends back then. Wow… time really flies, huh?”

And so, she continued rambling, letting people in for interjections but laughing loud and leading the conversation nonetheless. You loved seeing her like this, so carefree and happy. You wanted to really bask in it but in the back of your mind, all you could see was Jaehyun.

Apparently, he was all you would see for the next few months. You would go everywhere together, under the excuse of taking your dogs out for walks. Haymond joined often, saying he didn’t want to eat dinner at home or that Juyeon was busy, so it felt like it was the three of you against the world. Whenever work allowed it, or you were feeling particularly lazy, you’d knock on Haymond’s door and asked him if he wanted to come out with you and Barly. Hyun almost always followed, bringing Honey around. You would risk eating in dog parks or near the river as the weather warmed up. Soon, you felt like you had your own separate friend group. It was your school friends on the weekend but, on weekdays, it was your brother and Jaehyun. You had to admit, you rather loved it.

Your parents seemed to adore it too, happy you and Haymond were spending time together. They would see you two leaving together and beam at each other. It wasn’t that you and Haymond weren’t close before but hanging out together did seem weird at times. Except now, you were practically the same age. One year between you seemed to mean less and less. He wasn’t weird about your crushes and you could talk openly about more things. He didn’t really mind driving you around either, teaching you the ropes before you got your learner’s license.

It felt like being around Jaehyun gave you so many good things in your life besides his time and company. You felt yourself starting to become more of a person and less of a child. While you loved your friends, you wanted to be more mature. You wanted to be respected and to be seen as an equal to Haymond or even Jaehyun. Being with them taught you just slightly how to grow up, despite the fact that they were both absolutely insane when it was just the two of them. Though it wasn’t simple or expected, you were happier, and you couldn’t wait to tell Eric about every day that made you lighter.

“So, then we were walking along the river and Haymond was already covered in mud, like dripping, and Juyeon came along so he dared him to go into the water and as if on cue,” you giggled, harder now that you stopped to really replay the scene you were painting for Eric, “Bartholomew comes up behind Haymond and like pushes against his leg with his nose for Haym falls in.”

At this point, you’ve already given into laughing about the scene, it being the final stretch of a series of ridiculous stories you were subjecting Eric to. You were laid out flat on your bed, stomach down with a pillow underneath your chest as you spoke, absentmindedly scrolling through an app on your laptop. Eric’s chuckles came through, almost in perfect harmony with yours as he came around to responding.

“You sound like you’re actually having fun, y/n. It’s really nice.”

You hummed a note, nodding as you jokingly asked, “am I less sad and depressed, as you liked to put it?”

“To use the word lightly, yeah,” he mused before stopping for a bit. Once he figured out what he wanted to say, he was much softer. “When are we going to hang out again?”

You shrugged, feeling the way the air changed and frowning. “I don’t know.”

“I just- I have something to tell you, is all. I want to do it in person.”

Blinking, completely unknowing, you attempted to ask what it was but Haymond cut you off. With a brief knock, he swung your door open and motioned with his head to come downstairs. “We’re studying, right?”

“Oh, right, shoot,” you muttered, hating how sudden it had to be that you’d leave. Visibly pained, you tried to explain to Eric that you had to go but his usual lightness appeared in his voice again.

“It’s fine, I heard. Good luck on your exams!”

“You too!” you tried to say but the dead tone hit your ears faster. Pouting slightly, you put your phone down and did your usual groan as you got up. Collecting your books as Haymond spoke, you tried to be as quick as possible.

“Was that Eric?”

You nodded, wanting to tell him that Eric said he had something to tell you, but Haymond sighed. With his hands in his pockets and his back against the door, he fixed you with a serious look.

“You know he likes you, right?” The question stung your ears and you hated how matter-of-fact he made it sound. He had no idea what he was talking about and yet it made you give pause.

With your notebooks and textbooks piled in your arms, pencil case the cherry on top, you looked at him seriously and shook your head. “Don’t say that. You don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re-”

“Just friends,” he finished with you, mockingly as he beckoned for you to hurry up into the living room. He shut your door behind you and followed, casual as he spoke. “Well, don’t say I didn’t tell you.”

“Mom and dad aren’t home?” you asked, quick to change the subject as you made your way down the stairs and into the living room where you set up your books. Haymond’s were already laid out on his side of the coffee table and couch. All that was left was Jaehyun and the few other people who were invited to come over to study.

It was agreed upon from all parties that afterwards, when you all finished studying by eight p.m. latest, you were all going to sit down and chat or play games or something. It was meant to be a rather relaxed get-together but the part where it was just going to be you three: you anticipated that the most.

Jaehyun got there moments later and took up residence on the couch beside you, closest to the table. It was a sofa made for two so you were very close- so close you could reach out and link your fingers together. The thought crossed your mind once or twice as you studied away at math and science, both courses you needed Amalia here for the help you with. She was going to be late though, so you switched over to history in hopes that it wouldn’t be too heavy for you. Yet, Jaehyun’s face kept surfacing in your mind and you couldn’t help but steal glances at him.

“What’s that face for?” Jae asked, breaking the silence as he looked over at you.

Your hands shot up to cover your cheeks, pencil laid flat against your skin as you asked, “what face?”

Haymond gave you a look over and chuckled. As he spoke, he returned to twirling his highlighter between his fingers, eyes trained on his work. “You looked like you were daydreaming just second ago.”

“What are you studying?” Jaehyun asked, leaning over to look at your work. Your lack of notes was embarrassing and you were sure he noticed but made no comment. Instead, he looked over at the textbook you had open and let out a small sound. His lips were formed in a perfect circle.

“Trotsky, huh?” he prodded, giving you a small wink. “That’s the kind of man you dream about? Interesting.”

“W-what, no!”

Yet, the laughs had already ensued. He was making a little joke and you were glad for his attention, even if it was a little embarrassing. Deciding against protesting, you tried to work with it but got cut off by the doorbell ringing.

“That’s probably Juyeon,” Haymond groaned, getting up and stretching as he walked to the door. Jaehyun gave you another look, lips soft and turned upwards before he returned to his work. The more he smiled, the more you wanted to leave your work behind and just look at him. It was hard to imagine that he was really right there next to you, just a fraction of an inch away. If you wanted to reach out, you could. You could just take his hand in yours, maybe make his eyes see you only. Maybe-

“I bought iced coffee,” Juyeon proclaimed, looking proud as he set down the tray of four on your coffee table. Instantly, you were pulled out of your stupor and your attention was on another boy, one who looked please with himself for doing something small like getting some coffee. You gave him a wave and told him thank you. The rest of the night felt like a blur.

You may not know it or care but you’re the main feature of my grade ten year. You’re part of almost every fun memory I’ve had in this stupid town. You don’t even know how happy you made me just by doing nothing. I would feel so sad and alone when I was home but then, in an instant, as you came over with some snacks and movies, I was the happiest person alive. I enjoyed being with you so much, through my exam season, in the halls, or just across our lawns when we were both doing nothing but still together. No matter how spontaneous, I

 was happy but I felt so weird too because I just wanted to tell you. I felt so bad not telling you just how much I liked you. I liked you so much it created a ball in my chest and weighed me down. All I wanted was for you to notice how I really feel about you but there wasn’t any chance for me to say it- not that I ever would. You know more than anyone else how scared I am of these things.

Late June, 2016

Happy to be done with school, you and your friends promised to do many things. Yet, the moment exams ended, everyone was too exhausted to do much. You couldn’t blame them necessarily, you were rather sleepy too, it was just that you felt so restless. You wanted to do something, even if it was playing monopoly in your backyard or walking around senselessly but there was no such luck. So, there you were, lying face up on your bed and staring at your ceiling hoping something to do would come to mind.

In the middle of your deep thinking, your phone buzzed once on the nightstand beside your bed. Groaning, you reached behind you and felt around until your fingers grasped the cold metal. Bringing it forwards, you muttered about someone disturbing you and how it was so disrespectful until you saw Jaehyun’s text and immediately bounced up.

Jaehyun, 3:26p.m: open your window

Doing as you were told, you went and propped open the window, hearing the glass squeak as rubber brought it forwards. Leaning forwards and out of it slightly, you caught sight of him on his lawn and he waved.

“Wanna go somewhere?”

You didn’t hesitate to say yes.

Swiftly, you put on a pair of shorts and a long-sleeved shirt, noticing the discrepancy but not necessarily caring in the moment. Your heart was in your throat, pounding like crazy as you kicked your sock drawer closed and bounded down the stairs to get to your shoes. Hearing the commotion, Barly came to the front door with his tail wagging. He looked between you and his leash expectantly. With a quick thought, you reached for his leash, placed it on quickly and slipped your shoes on, ready to go. Jaehyun was sitting on your lawn now, Honey between his hands as he rubbed small circles behind her ears. At the sound of your door opening, he looked behind him and smiled. Quick to get up, he turned on his spot to meet you face on, looking particularly light. He never wore shorts but his pants were of material and fitted well. Just a plain white shirt crossed his midsection, waving in the wind and pressing against his chest to outline lean muscle.

“That was fast,” he noted, but you didn’t have much to say about it.

Looking down and spreading your arms unceremoniously, you asked, “is it good enough for whatever we’re doing?”

“Perfect,” he chimed. Then, he started on his way ahead of you, probably noticing how he stunted you and grinning about it as he walked. Holding onto Barly, who was just happy to be outside, you paused and then began your jog to catch up with him.

As you neared his side, he began to answer the question on your lips. “I wanted to show you the summer fair. It’s kind of small with no rides but all the local shops have little carts where you can get food, there’s cotton candy, vendors and stuff. It’s nice.”

“How long has it been going on for?”

He shrugged, looking up to think. When he squinted because of the high sun, you noticed the slight crinkles in his skin. “I think about five or six years? It’s not new but it’s not old; and definitely not a place lots of people our age go.”

“Why not?” you mumbled, thinking it sounded kind of fun. The sun was also getting in your eyes too, forcing you to squint just as hard.

Looking down at you, he leaned his head so his hair fell just a tad to the side. His eyes were as wide as he could manage and he smiled lightly. “It’s boring unless you know where to go and what to get.”

The second you got there, you understood what he meant. It was on the far side of town which meant the walk was long but it was very calm. He made it easy to talk to him about anything. He felt so akin to Eric sometimes, just in the way his presence seemed to wrap around you and make you feel safe. A few instances, you would bump shoulders and you swore you could see him get just a bit tongue-tied, losing track of his sentence or shifting his feet when you were waiting at a crosswalk; but he recovered well. Keeping his composure, he led you right to the middle of the fair and looked around.

You could only see food vendors and shops for various things like hats, jewelry, and anything small or portable. One place was selling henna tattoos and you were intrigued but Hyun tugged you away, chuckling a bit as he shook his head.

“No, no, that place is really not good for henna.”

“How would you know?” was the question that launched him into a story of how he got dared to get a whole back tattoo in henna and how it was horrible. “I cried myself to sleep that night, no joke,” he finished, though he was laughing as he spoke. You couldn’t help but giggle with him, poking fun at him out of disbelief but also admiration.

Once you got to the other side, the quieter side of the fair, Hyun exhaled and smiled. The only really big line you could see was one for a lemonade stand, which he insisted was the best place to get lemonade from.

“But I don’t like lemonade,” you murmured softly, to which he gave you a really incredulous look before shaking his head at you.

“Well, now you will,” he promised, seeming very intent.

“Can I walk around while you wait in line? I don’t think Honey and Barly will take to being still for so long,” you pointed out, reaching down to pat Barly’s head. The sun was still so high in the sky that even he seemed to be squinting as he lifted his head to reach your touch. Reluctantly, Jaehyun agreed but asked you to stay in this area.

“It’ll be hard to find you afterwards.”

Assuring him you wouldn’t stray too far, you went and started to look at a few shops. There were some games like whack-a-mole that you were interested in and you made mental note of where it was to come back to it. Hopefully it doesn’t cost too much, you thought to yourself before your eyes landed on a psychic’s tent. It was purple and had stars attached to it, with small coins hanging from fabric all around the entrance and skirt of the tent. Without knowing why, you felt drawn towards the place and made you way. Honey and Barly barked a bit but quickly settled down once they reached the tent, being allowed to come inside with you. As you parted the silken material, your nose was exposed to a heavy scent of some type of herb you couldn’t place.

“Welcome,” the woman said sweetly. She was frail and old, sitting at a brown table with a white cloth laced with purple fabric. You found yourself sitting down and looking at her seriously. Presented with playing cards, you were made to exchange something of yours to influence the cards. Then, once she’d given your small ring back to you, she beckoned for you to pick some and she read what they meant to you.

Most of it went over your head but one thing you remembered very vividly. It seemed to even be written on your face as you exited the tent, heaviness in the lines by your mouth. Jaehyun hurried up next to you, extending a hat to you.

“I got these because I couldn’t see you and thought it’s sunny so… hey. You okay?”

Blinking, you glanced up at him and pushed a smile. Though your mind was on her words, you didn’t want to think about it anymore, or worry him. It felt too real to be there but, for the most part, you never believed in stuff like that. You wanted to go in as a joke. Looking behind you, Hyun smiled.

“Did you talk to Lady Enya? She scares a lot of people.”

Wrapping your fingers around the hat, all you did was murmur thank you and nod. Then, slowly, you managed, “she said some freaky shit.”

“Do you believe it?” His question was serious but you could tell he wanted to keep things light. After a shrug of yours, he extended the large lemonade bottle and hummed, “okay well here, have some. It’ll make you feel better.”

Gasping, trying to make a joke as you regained your grip on reality, you mused, “that’s exactly what she said you’d say.”

Laughing, though somewhat nervous, Jae said, “shut up.”

“Oh my god, that too!”

You pointed at him while your free hand grasped the lemonade to have a sip. He began laughing now, noticing how your skin lit up and laughed. Leading you and the dogs away, you began to talk about whack-a-mole and left the situation behind you.

Once the sun started to get low in the sky, Hyun suggested going home. He mentioned something about exhausting all his resources and you immediately apologized, offering to pay him back but he shook his head no.

“I told you to come out, so it’s fine.” He looked confident in his answer. Immediately, you wanted to point out that this wasn’t a date but something stopped you. Even if he did invite you out, he didn’t have to pay.

Chewing on this, you fell slightly silent on the way home. He didn’t seem to mind it, not needing to say much either. Instead, he stopped and let Barly and Honey off their leashes, calling them back every few moments to train them off-leash. You paid attention to him and the dogs, being soft but firm. They seemed to really listen. You once heard that someone who loves animals has to be kind-hearted. Silently, you thought of how much warmth was within his heart and who could possibly abandon him.

Thinking of his parents leaving him home often made you hurt. You wondered how often he felt like he wasn’t enough. He would text you and ask to come over and you thought it was just to hang out but maybe it was to fill a void he felt. Stepping a few paces behind him to watch him well, you felt like you could see him so much clearer. It made your heart well. With all this hurt, he was still as kind as ever. It was hard to imagine. You doubted you would be as nice as him in his circumstances.

“You okay?” he asked, turning his head to see you stopped in your tracks. Your jaw, which had dropped slightly, came back into place as you tried to compose yourself. With a nod, you hurried up beside him and murmured about something being on your mind. When he asked what, you felt it might be inappropriate so you said something else, trying to cover it all up.

“Well, I was just thinking about what the psychic would have said to you. You’re really good with dogs and all, it might have some supernatural reason.” The fib was easy enough to make, though you did feel a bit bad about it. Maybe you shouldn’t have lied and let the opportunity to talk about something genuinely serious slip but you had to. It wasn’t your place to ask him. Deep down, you felt this was the right choice.

Thinking hard, though letting his laughs get the most of him as he spoke, he began, “she’d probably be like ‘oh, you are one with the dog. Your ancestors lived in caves and were werewolves. You were grown up on the soil and a natural hunter.”

As he continued his little schpiel, he became more and more dramatic, and it made you laugh. With your elbow, you touched his side and told him to be quiet. His eyes became the biggest crescents as he giggled; he was so perfect, he looked almost drawn. Once that subsided, he asked if you still had the cotton candy which he’d got earlier on. It was in a plastic bag which you pressed into your small backpack and you struggled to get out.

Without hesitation, you both began to share the bag and talked as you did so, his voice not letting you slip into your mind again. He enjoyed to share things, even if they were meaningless, but you loved to listen to what he said. Slowly, you stopped eating and just let him talk, watching as he kept his animated voice all throughout a story or listened to your small responses.

“Can you hold this for a second?” he mumbled, looking ahead and calling for the dogs to stop. Doing as you were asked, you came to a pause as he handed you the bag. Your houses were beginning to show just behind him and you nearly asked why he’d stopped but then his fingers curled around your sleeves and began cuffing them.

“They’ll get dirty from the sugar,” he said so absentmindedly. Then, he quickly dropped your hands and plucked the bag from your fingers. Entirely embarrassed, you brought one hand up to your face and felt the heat there. This time, you couldn’t blame it on the sun, since the bill of your cap stretched far enough to cover most of your cheeks and nose.

“W-what did you do that for?” The question was asked even though you knew the answer he gave. From the side of your eye, you saw his face turn to see you, his smile so soft. Though most of his face was shrouded from the cap, the sun hardly any help as it rested its cheeks against the hills of your little town, you could tell there was something changed in his eyes.

Softly, his fingers came to twist with yours, fitting in the spaces between yours. He was so light, so careful to not make you do anything you didn’t want to do. You didn’t know how to say that this was what you wanted to do the whole day, how you’d thought of holding his hand and bringing him closer almost everyday you spent together. So, you didn’t say anything at all. You simply closed your fingers around his. At this, he brought you the slightest bit closer and you walked home together, blind to how silly and large your smile was.

I truly cherish every moment we’ve spent together. We would walk around doing nothing and feel like we were doing the most daring things. We were alive but I felt like we were really existing.  I sound like a stupid romance novel but it was hard not to romanticize everything about you. You were and are so present in my mind that I have to write this to let you go. I can’t be with you and we both know that. When you let go of my hand, I could see it in your eyes. You couldn’t do it again and neither could I. I can’t sit there and fall for you more and more. God, is this even love?

I don’t know the answer to that. All I know is you overwhelm me and make me so nervous. I’m glad for everything we’ve done but I don’t think I can take anymore. I want to be free of it. I like you so much that I can’t take it. Please take it away from me. Please.

From y/n y/l/n. On June 28th, 2016.

The oven beeping snapped Jaehyun out of his head. Quickly, he moved to take the chicken strips out, nearly forgetting to put on oven mitts. He was so wrapped up in what you’d written. He was sure you’d done this at the time yo’d written it. It was so fresh in your mind then that every moment you described- he could feel them. He was there, watching you watch him. He could imagine it all, reading how you felt and pairing it with his heart.

Two years ago. It was so confusing back then. He had so many emotions but he didn’t know what they meant only that he liked you too; but then there was age and college. He wasn’t going to be here and you were going to forget. You were right and he hated that. He hated that, in his eyes, it was over before it started. He wished it wasn’t like that. He wanted to see you but  it wasn’t that easy now, was it? You were dating someone now and he couldn’t get between that. He even saw you at Christmas. You seemed so happy.

Frustrated, Jaehyun practically tossed the tray onto his counter, the metal shaking in its spot. The sound resonated through his empty house.

[rksungho]

When you arrive at KT Entertainment, one of your trainers immediately directs you to Katie Lee’s office. As expected, CEO Lee is seated behind her desk. She directs you to the empty chair across from her, and when you take the seat you recognize the man next to you as the lawyer who was present on the day you auditioned for the company.

“Two years. It’s already been two years,” Ms. Lee says, glancing down at her paperwork as if to make sure it was true. “From where you started to where you are now- well, your coaches are rather impressed.” She closes the beige folder and sets it to one side, revealing a different set of paperwork underneath. “I’m impressed, too, but I think we can do more together. You’re not ready to debut just yet, but if you stay with KT, you’ll be ready soon.” She pushes the paperwork toward you, turning it to face you; it’s just as you remember, even down to the colored Post-It flags sticking out from between the pages, showing you exactly where to sign.

this is it. the moment he’s been anticipating, dreading, waiting for, wary for. sungho is barely through the door when he’s being lead down a too-familiar hallway, and immediately he recalls the last time he had been here. it had been scarier then, since he didn’t know what was coming. he could’ve left, though it would have felt more like being kicked out early. sungho didn’t then, pride and anger having him drop the pen on the desk and walk away from the termination papers. since then how he’s wished he left. his happiest days even recently have been the ones spent outside of the training building and with jeonghan and his friends.

two years. the time had ticked by so slowly, so painfully. sungho, forced into proximity with his oldest enemy, angry every day, pushing away every kind gesture and friendly face that tried to welcome him to this place. even the friends he had made left all too soon; jihoon left for sphere and debut, yeri and ariel also debuted and are rarely seen around the training complex anymore. he and jeonghan fought. many times. once, the day after the last time he had come to this part of the building, they fought to the point of nearly no return. this damned company has nearly taken everything from him, and sungho can’t forget that.

“from where you started to where you are now- well, your coaches are rather impressed.”

sungho doesn’t really believe it. he’s worked hard, sure, but he hasn’t done anything more than any other trainee here. hell, he’s done all the wrong things. the fights he’s gotten into, the arguments and shouting matches he just can’t resist, his incessant cursing. his bad attitude has hardly let up. the other trainees have given up on him, or at least johnny and his immeasurable patience has. 

and yet even he knows that’s not entirely true.

how many of the boys has he talked to with this deadline coming up? aron, taemin, sunwoo a little bit, even johnny in a way. how many of them said they were looking forward to seeing him go? not a single one. no one tried to convince him to stay, at least not explicitly, but sungho gave them every opportunity to say how they really feel, express their excitement for him being kicked out of this place right to his face. except now he’s not being kicked out, and he’s not certain if he still wants to go.

he thinks of jeonghan and a computer screen, watching him put ‘kt’ into the bar for dream company. he thinks of joking that he should put it into second dream company too, just because they suggested that he doesn’t. he thinks about what the person dearest to him had said:“i’m sitting here getting ready to make a fool of myself just for a shot to join you.” sungho stares down at the contract apprehensively, the same way someone would stare at a ticking time bomb. it’s useless to ask for more time to decide, he knows they want his answer right away. so he just takes all the time he needs to stare at the menacing paper and pen before he attempts any decision.

katie lee herself is sitting in front of him, waiting for his decision. sungho glances from the contract to her and back again, wondering if she remembers him from the last time he was here, or maybe from her kt rookies program. he doubts it, she might’ve been harsher with him now if she had.

silently, he thumbs down the post-it notes sticking out, not bothering to flip through the pages just yet. he picks up the pen, and still hesitates. eyes scan hopelessly over the print; he already knows what it says. two years, no promise of debut, and maybe they won’t kick him out early this time. he wonders if ms. lee is losing her patience with him and his hesitation, if she’ll snatch her contract back as he takes too long to decide. he wouldn’t blame her, and ultimately it’d make his decision a lot easier if he didn’t have one in the first place. but she doesn’t, and sungho stares at the place where he should leave his signature and wonders.

“i just want to get rid of the version of you that hates being here.” it’s taemin’s voice in his head now. if he signs this contract, will he be able to hate it here less? it’s taken two years almost to the day, but for the first time he’s realized maybe no one here is out to get him, or on a mission to change him. maybe he can be both jin sungho and kt’s jino. they’ve made him do enough acting by now that he should know how to play a part, and maybe that part could be a team player rather than the lone wolf. maybe he could do it. he thought he could after the new year concert, the first time his name was revealed under the kt banner.

he hesitates at the moment he touches the pen to the paper. until he makes the first stroke of his name, it’s not official. he could drop it right now and walk out, done with this place forever. but he doesn’t. he scribbles out the curves and angles of his name and stares at his signature on the paper for a long moment before flipping to the next page in the contract where they want his initials. it’s easier as he goes through the tabs, with every stroke his decision more final.

jin sungho has signed two more years to kt entertainment. i must have lost my damn mind.

OOC NOTE: First of all, congratulations to two years as a trainee! I know it’s been a long and crazy journey, and I’m so glad you’ve stuck through it. When you are ready, feel free to post this prompt with Sungho’s response to it.

Should Sungho choose to RENEW his contract with KT, he will sign on to the same agreement as before for another two years. As a reward for making it this far, he will receive ONE WEEK unpaid vacation time to use any time between now the start of September, so long as it doesn’t clash with any special trainee activities.

Should he choose to REJECT his contract with KT, he will leave the company, effective immediately upon rejection. He will be able to keep all of his debut points, but will not be able to take any trainee workshops or earn any more debut points/workshop points until he becomes a trainee again. He will not have any special advantage over newer characters when he auditions for other companies in the future, and should he become a trainee at a new company he will be considered a junior trainee all over again, even though he will still have his debut points and would be eligible for debut right away. He WILL have the right to audition for KT again, but the fact that he gave up a contract renewal WILL be taken into account in final casting decisions.

He will have up to one week to make his decision IC, meaning that if he does not make a decision by JUNE 16TH, he will automatically be cut from the company. Exceptions can be made for those on hiatus.