'Flu-shot Fiasco'
Dr. Clef x they/them! scp! reader
(This AU belongs to supercasey, I'm hoping I'm understanding it right)
It had been nearly twenty-two years they'd been stuck in this place, saved from the streets as a young teen the first time they had died. Nothing was really special about them save for the fact they regenerated at a supernatural rate and was not stopped from it by death, but it was worth noting that every time they'd been put with a family, the general lack of self preservation made them too weak stomache to keep them and gave them back.
It's not all bad, though, this place was kind to them. It was like an animal rescue center and a hospital and an orphanage had some kind of weird hybrid child center. Simply put: It was home.
Right now, however, they were clinging to the ceiling fan in their basic human enclosure for dear life, dread pooling in the pit of their stomach as the small team of researchers beneath them looked on.
"(Y/N) it's time for your flu shot." Kondraki was not having this at all, not today.
"No! Do what you with me, put me through a meat grinder, dip me in acid, but do not come anywhere NEAR me with a needle!" They shouted down at them and he sighed, facepalming as he heard the answer he'd gotten every year.
"I expected better of you." Gears sighed and Iceberg crossed his arms.
"You're 34, can't you act like it once?" Iceberg huffed his point in this.
"Technically, I'm 25." They noted the age they stopped at, regeneration covering the loss of cells and giving them the look of a much younger individual.
"Still an adult. Now get down." Iceberg argued. (Y/n) only scrunched up their nose at him and stuck their tongue out.
"Bright. You're up." Kondraki motioned to Dr. Bright, who looked very pleased he got the chance to do what he wanted here.
"Haha, watch this." He strode over to the doorway and flipped one of the two switches next to it, powering the fan on with success.
(Y/n) remained attached to it, spinning at an increasingly rapid pace until the motion leveled out. They looked on with a mix of amusement and utter disappointment.
"Have you practiced this??" Gears squinted, baffled, but not surprised.
"Only every day of my life!" they cackle maniacally. This was the year they finally won. No shots for (Y/n)!!
"I didn't want to have to do this." Kondraki picked up his walkie-talkie, and Bright flipped the switch for the fan, watching it come to a stop with a certain amount of respect for the art of chaos.
"You won't be reasoned with, you won't be bested, we must resort to cheating." Dr. Bright gave his speech, lips pressed into a firm line in standing his ground.
"You're not my dad!" They shouted at him.
"I'm old enough to be!" he shouted back.
"Clef, (Y/n) is stuck to the ceiling this year." Kondraki spoke into the small, boxy device. It gave a distorted, sharp sound.
"Got tired of the kitchen table gambit?" Clef's voice came through almost clearly.
"We took the handcuffs away last week to prepare for that. I don't think we should have." He was more than tired.
"I'm already on my way." Clef replied.
"He can't do shit! Watch this!" (Y/n) had managed to get their leg securely over one of the blades, swinging their torso up and successfully laying over two of the five.
"You're lucky we make those out of steel." Iceberg was further unimpressed.
"You're lucky I'm not as bad as Kain with his shots." They argued back.
"We can sedate Kain, you're just awful!" Iceberg exclaimed loudly.
"Have no fear, Clef is here!" The ukulele man strummed a couple notes before tossing the instrument onto their couch and cracking his knuckles.
"Good. I'm going to go get coffee. When you get them down, the shot is on their kitchen counter." Kondraki left with Bright tagging along to bother him.
"I will be back shortly to help with the shot. I promised to walk Iceberg home." Gears had his arm looped with Iceberg's, who looked happy with the arrangement.
"Just you'n me, sweetheart." he looked up at his partner in crime, feeling cocky.
"I'm gonna raid your fridge." He immediately turned and went right into the kitchen, earning a great bit of objection.
"What? No! Get outta there!" they shouted.
"Come stop me." He stuck his tongue out at them, matching their childish game.
"No way!" They stayed stubborn.
"Then the price of redemption for your crimes is your fruit snacks." He stated.
"Haha! Ate them this morning." (Y/n) felt triumphant and Clef pouted.
"Damn. I didn't think you're impulse control had gotten that out of whack." he said.
"You'd be surprised how bad my impulse control can be." They boasted.
"You leave me no choice." He grabbed a kitchen chair and walked into the living area with it, earning a smug grin.
"What're you gonna do with that, shorty? Reach the top shelf?" They mocked.
"Imma fucking get you 's what imma do." He grumbled, irritated at the nickname, and clambered on top of the wooden chair.
"You'll never reach me." they mused.
"Watch this." He eyed the fan like a cat, his parkor legacy would begin here, he's the greatest jumper to walk the face of the earth, he's-
His internal monologue of a pep talk was cut short when he wobbled.
"Yep. Not doing that." he climbed off, instead grabbing the multi step stool they had in the closet beside the door.
"I hate this thing." He set it out with more effort than one should ever have to use, the stool old and rusted at the ends.
Less than gracefully, he started to ascend, making it most of the way up.
"I feel so bad for you right now. I jumped up here." They chuckled spitefully.
"Not everyone was born with fabulous legs and the ability to gain superpowers once a year at flu season." he grabbed the fan, finally, and they applauded him.
"Great. You're mostly here." they snickered mischievously as he attempted a pull up.
He failed that pull up terribly.
Nearly sent plummeting, he knocked over the stool and yelped when he was left to dangle from the metal blade.
"I didn't wanna go out like this!" he yelled.
"I don't want the shot." They retorted.
"You win! You win! Help me, please!" He conceded defeat and, in seconds, he was grabbed by his shirt and hoisted up and over the side of the fan to lay over it and catch his breath.
"(Y/n), you fool." He grinned a sharp toothed, wicked grin.
"Oh no…" They shrunk back.
"You've trapped yourself!" he exclaimed, drawing the syringe from his pocket.
(Y/n) screeched with horror, scrambling back and falling off the fan thoughtlessly.
"No you DON'T!!!" He threw himself down to them, landing with a loud Thump! on his knees and immediately screaming.
"Fuck, shit, goddamn, fuckfuckfuckfuck-" his kneecaps were taking their time recovering, his regeneration a much more painful process than theirs.
"You've betrayed me! You deserve your broken knees!" they tried to dislodge themself from his hold.
"I will put this through your eye!" He held the syringe menacingly and they froze.
"..." He was regretting that.
"You know I'm a liar, why do you even humor the thought I'd do that?" He stuck them in the arm and they whimpered.
"See, not so bad?" he finally removed his thighs from either side of their torso, standing. They only remained rigid.
"It was a joke." he nudged them with his shoe and sighed.
"It's over now, you want ice cream?" he offered. "Hello?" he waved a hand in front of them, and finally got a response.
"Aghuuubfvbbfy!!" their whole body convulsed and shuddered a moment before they sat up, looking at him with more pain than he'd ever seen on them.
"I am never going to let you near me with a syringe again." They stated, horrified.
"I still have it. It'd be cruel of me to stick you for fun." he rolled it in his palm.
"But I am rather cruel." He made a sharp noise and elicited another screech from them as they backed into the wall.
"Another joke, jesus christ, calm down." he tossed the used plastic syringe behind him, just letting it land wherever.
"You calm down, I'm gonna be scared from this!" They exclaimed.
"That's what you get for acting like a child." He crossed his arms and nodded.
"If childishness attracts karma, you're really in for it." They argued right back.
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