dinner + cardigan
supercorptober 2023
“We're each of us alone, to be sure. What can you do but hold your hand out in the dark?” - Ursula K. Le Guin
or
Kara spends her first night at home after coming back from the phantom zone. A knock on her door reveals some things.
----
After Alex leaves, Kara finds herself alone in the middle of her apartment again.
She stands, arms hanging at her side, pulling her towards the ground, head tilted towards the ceiling, lost somewhere in the darkness between here and the stars still.
She focused on the empty air filling the space between the walls around her and the not-so-empty world outside them.
The room was bathed in light, chasing the shadows from their corners and across the floors.
Her neighbors below her are listening to music.
There's a car horn.
A dog barking.
Someone knocking on a door.
Someone knocking on her door.
She trips over the coffee table.
Pulls the door open.
"Hi, Ms. Luthor, I got your...."
The girl standing there stops mid-sentence, juggling the bags in her arms.
Kara's hands reach out, but the girl manages to readjust them.
Kara knows her – knew her — remembered her from before. Her parents own the restaurant on the corner. She always brings Kara extra sauce packets, or extra rice, or extra soup, or extra 'just because' with her order.
Emily. The name weaves its way to the front of her tongue.
She's not sure which of them must look more confused.
"Ms Danvers!?"
Oh. Clearly, it's her then.
"Uh...hi?"
"You're here!"
"I-uh, yeah-yes." Kara stammers, still unsure.
Emily gives her a wide grin, shifting her grip on the bags.
"I have Ms. Luthor's food for her."
" I-I'm sorry, she's not, sorry."
The confusion comes back for a second.
Her own still hasn't left.
""O-oh, no, it's fine, it's just, I have her order."
She holds up the bag again as proof.
"Lena?"
She nods her head.
"She' orders every night almost, so Mom just started making it just in case. I usually leave it by the door if she doesn't answer."
The girl bites her lip between her teeth, like maybe she knows she isn't really supposed to say what she says next.
"She said you had to go away for a while, so she was looking after your apartment.""
"Oh."
She holds the bag out again as she shifts her weight back and forth.
Kara takes the bag, giving her a small smile.
"Thank you, Emily."
"No problem, Ms. Danvers.
She makes it a few steps down the hall before she turns back.
Lip tucked back between her teeth.
"I 'm-I'm really glad you're back."
Kara nods and closes the door, leaning against it for a moment.
Her feet find themselves, and she moves again, setting the food on the counter.
The warmth from the food seeped through the paper bag.
It felt familiar in a way not much else in the apartment did.
She picked up her phone.
Typed one thing. Then another. Deletes them both.
She feels like crying.
She is so tired of crying.
She types out a message.
Hits send.
She starts to move through the kitchen.
Pulls down one plate, then two.
Pulls out one glass, then two.
Puts water in the kettle.
She worries she's out of tea.
Finds an almost full box sitting in the cupboard.
Each little movement, each little thing feels like string helping to keep in place.
She thinks about turning the lights down but can't.
Her neighbors are still listening to music.
She can still hear the cars out on the street.
The dog outside has stopped barking.
There's someone knocking on a door.
There's someone knocking on her door.
She hears her name.
The kettle goes off.
There's a key turning in her lock.
She hears her name again.
But the kettle is still going off.
Louder and louder and louder until it sounds like a scream.
Until it's so cold, she can feel it in her lungs.
Until suddenly, it stops.
Until she feels hands pressed against her ears.
Her own.
Someone else's.
She breathes in hints of bergamot.
Feels the brush of cotton against her cheeks.
It's bright again.
Warm again.
Lena is standing in front of her, hands pulling away gently from her face to tuck themselves into the sleeves of a cardigan that is just a little too big for her.
She looks soft.
Warm.
Familiar in a way nothing else ever will be.
"Hey."
Lena greeted her softly. As if she just walked through the door to find her sitting at the table and not standing in a pile of the shattered pieces of herself.
"I'm sorry," she drops her head, pictures them all there around her feet — what a mess they must make.
"Don't," Lena replies softly, shaking her head.
Reaches out to touch her again, the sleeve of the cardigan falling down her forearm just a little
"I didn't know you were staying here."
"Sorry, I-I should have said something."
"No-no. It's not that. It's just..." Kara stops, looking down at her hands. "Thank you."
Lena smiles again before gesturing towards the food on the table.
"Let's eat before it gets cold."
They move together. Opening containers, spooning rice and vegetables onto plates. She pours them both glasses of water. Lena makes them each a cup of tea.
Kara looks at her after a while.
"So, should I expect more of my clothes to have gone missing then ?"
Lena looks down at herself and laughs softly.
"I supposed I could have done a better job hiding it."
"It-it looks good on you."
Kara reaches out, fingers toying with a loose thread at the end of one of the sleeves, lingering for a second on the skin of Lena's wrist, counting the seconds between the pulse she finds there, trying to find the words that fit between them.
"Tell me what you need, Kara," Lena asks, pausing to study her face.
She swallows past the tightness in her chest, "Stay," past the echo of her own confession — she didn't want to be alone anymore — "please."
"Of course," Lena's hand rests on her knee, "I'm not going anywhere."
She let herself be held in place by it.
Lets it double gravity's effort to let her not be pulled away again.
She focuses on the quiet sounds that fill her apartment – the distant murmur of music from below, the faint scrape of silverware against plates, the tender lilt of Lena's voice as she spoke.
No, she thinks. She doesn't have to be alone anymore.
----
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