#tђє คгt ๏ﾓ รคשเภﻮ tђє ฬ๏гl๔ ( drabble )

[chaosiica]

OBLIVIATE

   it’s better like this. it is. he’s spent all of yesterday evening, all of last night, all into this morning just pretending he that he believes in that. ❛ it’ll work out ❜ while he folded laundry for his mother. ❛ this is the right thing to do ❜ while he helped his father cook dinner. ❛ there’s no other way ❜ while changing into pajamas.

   ❛ I CAN’T DO THIS ❜, he told teddy, six times between three a.m. and five. more, to the pattern on his headboard. he believed it so much.

   but he doesn’t really have a choice anymore. billy is a super-hero, and every day spent under this roof turns his welcome mat into target practice. they’re going to kick his door down, and his dad is going to damage his spine trying to fix the broken hinges. he doesn’t want anyone pointing stun guns at his mother. she shouldn’t be calling him downstairs for men in pressed suits to hand-cuff him off.

     ❝ billy! dinner! ❞

     ❝ coming! ❞

   he can’t believe that sounds abnormal. he hates himself for it. the croak in his reply, breaks his heart with lying to them. he made his sheets, and everything this morning. captain america keeps proud stance at the head of the bed, upright by duck-tape corners peeled and replaced since billy was eleven going on twelve. vintage, it hurts that he’s saluting him farewell for maybe the LAST time. he’ll be meeting steve soon.

   he wraps up what he can in his head, the flash-fires of fond memories that he can’t keep track of, and he’ll never hold again.

   kiss me goodnight, you were MAGIC and knew it kept MONSTERS away, mom. and dad, read me ONE LAST norse legend, before i DIE out there today.

   he clicks his bedroom door closed.

   teddy holds his hand the entire walk to the kitchen. he doesn’t let go. home-life looks so cozy, his mom at the stove and his dad’s head a newsprint on ❛ INITIATIVE ❜. he knows what he’s planning on saying to him tonight, before he goes to bed. tony stark won’t be the last thing his father talks to him about, billy won’t let him.

     ❝ you hungry, boys? ❞

     ❝ not really ❞

   his dad turns a page.

     ❝ mom. dad. i love you ❞ 

     ❝ that’s not getting you desert ❞ 

   he can’t laugh. he doesn’t remember what his voice sounds like when it isn’t heavy, or hollowed, or eldritch. but he figures it’s what they wanted to hear. HE HATES HIMSELF. he can’t give it to them. teddy runs a thumb along the ridge of his knuckle.

   i’m sorry. 

   rebecca kaplan wanted her son to grow up with a good head on his shoulders, to have talent and to be happy in all his successions. jeff kaplan taught him how to feed an army on deviled eggs, he’s a keeper for sure. they have the kind of love billy wants when he says his ❛ i do ❜s. mazel tov. it’s unlikely that he’ll make it there.

   i’m so sorry.

   billy’s fingers ache, tired before they even draw their sigil glyph. they reach out, for the people who held his hands and kissed his forehead better, when his dreams foretold cataclysms and the boys wouldn’t love him back. they know far too much, than they ever needed to. what it took to raise condensed star-light and rust, that their boy could make hell-fire and that the world wants their child in absolute chain-lock. he hopes they don’t argue over why their photographs are empty. who’s idea it was to convert that spare closet into a guest bedroom. why their heartache seems so pointless.

   the letter ❛ B ❜ fades from the mug on the dinner table.

   —————

   the front door clicks at the close. hulkling’s evergreen, and will probably stay that way until JUSTICE rears its bloodied head. if it ever does, if they ever make it there alive. wiccan fights the pull in the cage of his ribs, tries not to pretend like he’s forgotten something, when he can’t have, he can’t leave what he never had to start with.

   or so he’ll repeat to himself today, tomorrow, when his bed is empty in the morning.

[chaosiica]

★ TWO-TYPE MESSIAH

     teddy's form is inconstant, and his place in the world is shaped by his purpose of being able to be PERFECT. situation is his cookie cutter, and he can save the world by being EXACTLY what he has to be. 

     billy's a bad lyricist. he recites stupid, nonsensical slam poetry to his prison walls though he knows they won't clap and crumble for him. they were built by machine, with a machine’s heart. he spends most of his life wanting to GO HOME. but his home moves a lot, doesn't have a dining table and likes to think he knows super-human anatomy better than anybody. but he can only ever get the details right on his own face. lucky no one else is looking close enough. 

     but billy knows his skin tone and blush marks like he's studied map-work for a lifetime, and that teddy's body is leading him to some grand end-all treasure at the goal-mark. but a lot of people say it's the journey, not the destination.

     so it's not just because ❛ yellowjacket ❜ is letting loose their padlocks, that it's weird. It's off, because wiccan is able to see the creases in the paper-mashe mask, and he HOPES and he ђ๏קєร, that this is the ONE wish he gets to have, the one that GOD hears. because maybe he should have did what his mother always taught him, thank THE LORD for their fortunes and ask them for salvation if he has to. he's pretty sure GOD, in all their glory, doesn't have it in their divine fingertips to shape a shifter, and to lose an angel in one instance. in a rough, overused voice, he thanks them with his single-word scripture, when a saint appears in the gatekeeper's wake, their prophet of freedom and a postponed battle-cry. he runs his heroes green-mile, through people he idolizes, past conquerors and daredevils, calling teddy's name and realizing that he does have a voice, his vocal cords aren't tape recorded. if billy was a choirboy this would be where he forgets his hymns, and slanders new ones with full feeling. nobody else sees the catalyst, the thing that sparks SCIENCE and STARDUST in wiccan's bloodline at the end of their prison block. he's lifted, caught and clung to in strong arms that billy can't believe are real, can't quite believe he's ever been coddled by before. 

     it's been some weeks. and nothing about the captain fighting his first mate should even be REAL. billy shouldn't have been damned, and no one should ever have to look at four walls with no window ever again. they're not numbers or tally marks of days missing. they're....they're going to be hurt for this. they're going to have to FIGHT. 

     but right now, billy just wants to look at teddy. remember his faultless fault-lines when he worries over him, wish bruises where his fingers clutch so he can't forget that he's so invincible, that the only thing that can even mar him right is teddy's over-dotting. they're the mistimed portrait of a soldier coming home, finding victory in the flower petal lips of their reason for the war-wounds. It's so sad, that this might be the last time too. again. they have a lot of lasts. last kisses, last looks, last promises. to get out of here alive. but they have to. they're BATTLE-BORN. even with such soft looks, soft whispers. ❝ i missed you ❞, ❝ i'm so sorry ❞, ❝ i'm here now ❞. it's okay. it's okay if they've said those mantras before. they'll say them again, and again for years to come. prison-break or self-inflicted RAGNAROK. because they’re that one balm that makes the other forget that the world’s on fire.

     billy finds himself an OPTIMIST in the negative zone.

[chaosiica]

FOR THE ATTENTION OF DR ROBBIE THOMPSON / DR JAVIER RODRIGUEZ

   Please find attached the case summery for the below client. Any and all enclosed information must adhere to strict patient confidentiality under the Data Protection Act 1998. 

   CLIENT NAME : WILLIAM KAPLAN    DOB : 08/20/1996    ADDRESS :     HOME TEL :     ALIAS : WICCAN

   Dear Dr Thompson / Doctor Rodriguez

   Due to my unfortunate and abrupt leave from the practice, I have entrusted to you the case files for the above named client. Billy has attended several sessions with me in the past, both in his adolescence and currently, and has agreed to continue his treatment with yourself, as advised.

   Initially, Billy attended several appointments following the apparent death of a teammate from his former affiliation, the Young Avengers ( it is to my understanding that Billy is now an initiate of the New Avengers, and is an associate to and may be contacted through one Roberto Da Costa ). These focused primarily on working through the tremendous guilt and responsibility that stemmed from this, and processing the idea of being the result of the heroes Scarlet Witch and The Vision’s relationship, as well as being the twin brother of Speed. I have attached the relevant case files for you. These sessions were deemed concluded, and I was pleased to hear that Billy had returned to the title of Wiccan after a brief hiatus from super-heroics.

   However, I believe his current therapy sessions may require a more ❛ slow burn ❜ approach. Billy appears to be far more reluctant in attending appointments, and is often difficult to contact and arrange further time with. Despite our previous relationship in working through his sense of being, he appears to have suffered some form of psychological trauma, and has become more difficult to gauge. He has however expressed several concerns regarding his role as the foreseen ❛ Demiurge ❜, which is a topic that has become PARTICULARLY IMPORTANT in regards to his well-being. I have attempted to discuss this with him on a number of occasions, and have often been met with complete disregard, confusion, and in some cases extreme agitation. It appears to cause a great deal of stress for him and he has cut sessions short several times due to this topic. I feel it is of HIGH IMPORTANCE that Billy works towards coming to terms with his impending omnipotence, as he currently seems to reject every and all idea of it, or shows a great deal of difficulty with connecting himself to the term.

   He has also explained numerous incidents that he describes as feeling ❝ non-existent ❞ and the contrast of ❝ feeling everything at once ❞. I understand that he is likely sensitive to the subject of his impending role, and have noted that he often feels unworthy, and distrusts himself as a magical wielder, however I believe that it is of UTMOST IMPORTANCE, for both his own mental health and the safety of the world he protects, that these situations are dealt with. I have yet to speak personally with him in regards to an official diagnosis, but from these occasions and feelings he has described for me ( albeit with difficulty ), I believe it may be some form of dissociative identity, or depersonalization/derealization.

   During our last appointment two months ago ( the most recent being scheduled for last week, with Billy failing to attend, with no contact as to reasons why ), we discussed identifying possible coping skills and developing these for the aforementioned situations of over-stimulation and disassociation. Despite several attempts, we have not been able to get in touch with Billy regarding this. For the time being we will continue to try and arrange another session with him, in which he will be referred to you for any further appointments.

   I have attached a more detailed case summary for each session Billy has attended with me, and I hope he is able to benefit from your time.

   If you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

   Yours Sincerely,

   Psy D. Tim Stevens