“i blew it! I blew it!” Max yelled into adam’s face. Adam was saying something back to him but he couldn’t hear him. His ears were ringing. He was angry, he was sad, he was embarrassed. He lost. He was pinned.
Adam walked away from Max and slid out of the ring. Max sat there pulling at his hair with his hands. He felt like he could pass out, the pressure he had felt over the past few weeks all built up and he blew it.
Adam came back up to him placing his title in his lap. Max still couldn’t hear him. The crowd was so loud and his head was pounding. His eyes scanned over Adam’s face.
Adam knelt there in front of him with a soft look in his eyes, “I love you okay?” Was the only thing Max heard before Adam stood back up.
His thoughts were racing. ‘He loves me? loves me?’ he thought, ‘i just lost the match and he loves me?’ Max shook his head standing up slowly with his belt clutched in his hands. ‘no no he doesn’t love me he can’t love me. i fucked up, i’m a fuck up, no one can fucking love me.’ He stood there staring at the back of Adam’s head. He needed to turn on Adam before he did it to him. ‘i have to do this.’ ‘i look so weak i can’t be weak i can’t let myself get hurt.’
He wrestled with his mind. He loved this man so much. He looked up at the ceiling and back down to Adam who now stood with his arms to the sides as if he had accepted what max was going to do.
“no.” max whispered to himself, tossing his belt.
Adam turned around and looked at him. The two stared at eachother for what felt like an eternity.
‘im so stupid.’ max thought to himself, ‘i’m opening myself up to be attacked. why wouldn’t he attack me? i just lost the match i blew it i blew the match. i blew our title shot. i need to attack him first.’ Max put his head in his hands before looking back up at Adam one more time.
Max shook his head, “i can’t, i can’t do it.” he whispered, tears beginning to well up in his eyes once more.
Adam began walking toward him, engulfing him in a hug that Max instantly returned. Max held onto him for dear life, wishing he could melt into the other man’s arms. No matter how tight he held him it wasn’t enough, he gripped onto Adam’s shirt, terrified that if he let go he may lose him forever.
“i love you i’m sorry.” Max whispered in between sobs.
“don’t be sorry, don’t be sorry max, never be sorry.” Adam replied, tightening the hug on his end.
For the first time in Maxs life he had someone who didn’t care if he was the best. For the first time he had someone who wanted him for who he was, not for what he had to offer. Now that he had him, he never wanted to let go, physically or metaphorically.