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#tara; desires | [ i don’t need you to sell me on reasons to want you ]
lostxdrcams · 2 years
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Tag Drop | Tara | BtVS
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bitchbrisket · 3 years
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First Lines Tag
Tagged by @slightlyintimidating
Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favourite opening line. Then tag 10 authors!
As all my mutuals have been tagged already, I’ll just tag a couple of people, @tara-stofse and @rapidashpatronus
I’m also going to cheat and give you a favourite line from each one, simply because the first line is rarely the best and why not be a big fat show off where your writing is concerned? Didn’t link because I am a lazy cow but my AO3 profile is at the top of my page.
1.       (The Worst Witch 2017) A friend like you – 'Get in loser, we're going shopping!'
Sometimes I come up with good titles and sometimes I desperately flail around and this was the best I could do. Most people should know what the opening line is a reference to and it was the first thing I thought of when the idea of this fic materialised.
  ·         'I know you think you're hot stuff, but Dimity can run rings around you. You have the acting skills of a potato' she icily informed a miffed Arabella.’
  2.       (Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries) An education - 'I confess, I fail to understand the point of most of them.'
Again, another crappy title but for some reason, no song lyric or poem came to me on the subject of policemen raiding a Chinese brothel in the 1920s and confiscating vibrators because they look like suspicious instruments. I did lift the first line from the script because that is partly what I based the fic on. 0/10 for originality there.
  ·         ‘The benefit of having so many deities, Lin reflected, was that there was always someone in, should you knock on the door of their shrines.’
  3.       (The Worst Witch 2017) Poker – ‘Miss Bat scuttled along to the staffroom after her date and walked in, only to halt in surprise.’
Good Lord, I’m really not selling it to you with these boring titles am I? I’ve done the strip poker storyline with the hairpins in another fandom and couldn’t think up a clever title for that either.
  ·         ‘Clothes were strewn everywhere but in front of Hecate, there was a small pile of hairpins and nothing else.’
  4.       (The Worst Witch 2017) Which witch is which? – ‘Wychwood forest was a mysterious place, full of wrackspurts and helipoaths and blibbering humdingers. Sometimes you'd even see a crumple horned snorcack galloping along.’
Yes, alright I borrowed something off the world of Harry Potter. A fic based off a post off of a popular post on Tumblr and title borrowed off Dianna Wynne Jones I think.
  ·         'Watch out for the blibbering humdingers!' she shouted vengefully after the troublesome tourists.’
  5.       (The Worst Witch 2017) They do it with mirrors - 'I've missed you.'
Very general, basic bitch kind of starter. Dial up the smut o’metre because witches are having the equivalent of webcam sex. Written for the Hackle Lemonade Challenge, prompt kink. Wasn’t one of my favourites to write but it does have one of my favourite paragraphs in a smutty fic. Beats the first line anyway.
  ·         ‘She groaned and panted as her climax finally overtook her, glad of the extra support from the solid oak furniture. None of this modern rubbish that couldn't withstand a good hard fuck. There was a time and a place for IKEA but this was not it.’
  6.       (The Worst Witch 2017) Every inch of you – ‘Ada loved it when Hecate lightly raked her nails down her back.’
Diving straight into the smut for this other Hackle Lemonade Challenge, prompt kink fic. Title entirely appropriate.
  ·         ‘While many people over the years could make it happen, it was a secret delight to know that nobody did it better than her.’
  7.       (The Worst Witch 2017) The hum of your desire – ‘Ada woke up to an empty bed.’
At least it’s promising. The story can go anywhere when you start off with an empty bed. The bed is irrelevant anyway. They end up on the sofa.
  ·         ‘Hecate Hardbroom was nothing but a meticulous over achiever.’
  8.       (The Worst Witch 2017) You’re the night sky, trying to make me see your stars – ‘Hecate had been afraid to touch.’
Throws you right into the scene and lets you know there’s going to be a bit of angst in there. I love the song I took the title from (night sky – Leonell Cassio & Julia Mihevc) and I waited for a fic idea to materialise so I could use it.
  ·         ‘Ada could feel her breathing, steady and true, vibrating through to her heart.’
  9.       (Ghosts) Hide & seek – ‘Giggling madly, she galloped up the stairs to seek out the best hiding place ever.’
With several of the ghosts with backstories we have yet to uncover, the possibilities are endless. Poor Kitty had to die young so I gave her a death loosely based on an English ghost story, using all the unsavoury incidents involving her sister. Title needs no explanation.
  ·         ‘And shimmering obliquely in the corner of the landing, was the answer. The wooden chest. The one from the latest sailing ship that had brought back all that sugar and tea and rum.’
  10.   (The Worst Witch 2017) When breathing sounds like your song – ‘She hadn't let herself enjoy it at first.’
Luckily the only way from there is forward. For the Hackle Lemonade Challenge 2021, prompt firsts. Not sure where I got the title from, it’s possible I melded a couple of song lyrics together for it.
  ·         ‘I always feel thirsty after a pleasurable experience' she said cheerfully.’
  11.   (Holby City) There is no goat that foolish – ‘Serena patted down her wide brimmed hat and set off for a walk.’
It’s an ok start to the fic. The title is terrible but honestly, its just hard to find references to goats in general.
  ·         ‘She only just realised that they were conversing in English, not French. The other woman had a London accent. Good. She could shout at her more expressively in English.’
  12.   (The Worst Witch 2017) Sugar mouse – ‘What is it?’
So many possibilities here. The title does give it away, but still.
  ·         ‘In her nightmares, her grandfather had chased her around with an eyeball on a fork.’
  13.   (Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries) Stitch up - ‘I’d like to see you operate my sewing machine, Hugh Collins.’
Another shameless ripping off from the script. But nothing else can sum up this fic so perfectly. Title self-explanatory.
  ·         ‘Were sewing machines like dogs? He wondered. Did they take on the personalities of their owners?’
    14.   (Pushing Daisies) Girls don’t want boys, girls want damn respect – ‘Her boy always had an eye for the ladies.’
What a ridiculously clunky title. But apparently I couldn’t think of anything better. The opening line is much better.
  ·         ‘Calista was reminded of the principal at school that Emerson had crushed on so hard that he'd broken every fire alarm in the school over the course of several months just to get her attention. Some things never changed.’
  15.   (Holby City) Tell us the tale of a goat – ‘Did I ever tell you about how Serena and I met?’
A solid opening there, full of potential. The title is a bit crap. No, I have no idea why or how Serena would be working on the Italian railway either.
  ·         ‘You dressed one up in a poncho and called it aunt Gertrude?’ Fleur asked eventually. She really couldn’t think of anything better to say.’
  16.   (Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries) In the gracious light – ‘Jack tried not to let their questioning stares get to him.’
Based partly on the MFMM books, I’m happy with the opening line, it sets the tone. The title comes from Shakespeare’s Sonnet VII. ‘Lo! in the orient when the gracious light.’ With that, it ties in Jack and Lin quite nicely.
  ·         ‘After all, grandmama had warned him enough about the distraction of white girls. She had said nothing about white boys.’
    17.   (Holby City) Not yet – ‘Bernie wouldn't describe herself as an avid reader these days.’
Title taken from a line in the book Wicked. Opening line is pretty generic. I basically wrote this fic because Elphaba reminds me of Bernie in some respects. Also, premonition, sorry about that.
  ·         ‘In her mind, it was Serena in that cell, stretching out her hand to Bernie and chiding her affectionately for her delay.’
    18.   (Ghosts) Filth – ‘The Captain paid no attention to Lady Button's shrewish tone two rooms away.’
Simple title, simple opening line. Very direct. It’s the ‘why didn’t the Captain and Lady Button bond over the hot gardener in Lady Chatterly’s Lover together’ fic.
  ·         ‘The Captain sighed. That husband of hers had a lot to answer for. Bastard. He couldn't have killed her by poison or anything, no, he had to push her out of the damn window.’
  19.   (Ghosts & Holby City crossover) Over the top we go – ‘He couldn't believe it.’
So many things one couldn’t believe, a pretty generic opening. The title is a WW1 reference so not the correct war for the Captain but I used it anyway. Bernie is Haver’s niece.
  ·         ‘The Captain looked pleased but there was an expression in his eyes that Alison thought hid a sob in his heart.’
    20.   (Holby City) Boobs – ‘Arthur Digby was having a terrible day.’
Title, utterly crap, I know you’ll agree. Opening line, sums it up really. I like it.
  ·         'Well, call me Da Vinci and I'll paint you like one of those French girls.'
Art wasn't Fleur's strong point.’
So what did I learn about my opening lines? It does reflect my writing style, snappy and concise. I rarely ramble for long. Are they thrilling opening lines? Not usually. Do they set the scene or the tone? Much of the time. They are certainly not the best ones I’ve ever written. Considering that I don’t love most of these last lot of opening lines, I’m going to go with which witch is which? It’s the best one of the bunch, I think. 
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buffster · 6 years
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The I in Team (BTVS 4.13)
This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.
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In Buffy, there are always background issues sprinkled throughout the season before they begin to come to a head. This episode: Xander’s failure to thrive post high-school. He’s selling “healthy” candy bars (unsuccessfully) to try and make a bit of money. He forces a reluctant Giles to purchase some. There’s also a red flag between him and Anya as we note her obsession with money and his lack of big-money-making ambitions. He wants to make her happy, but he’s a simple guy. Their goals and desires don’t really match up in a way that could leave both satisfied. 
We see Buffy throw herself into the commandos operation, leaving her friends behind and wary of what she’s getting herself into. Has anyone else noticed Buffy’s tendency to not involve people in her life? It’s like she sections people off but no one gets access to the full Buffy. As soon as she gets a boyfriend she has this whole side life with him that her friends don’t really know about, but Riley doesn’t know about Spike or her past with Angel...I mean, obviously no friend knows everything that’s going on with you and vice versa, but she keeps some pretty big secrets to herself on a regular basis. Big on the internalizing, our Buffy. 
Willow in particular has always seemed the most bothered by this aspect of Buffy’s personality, which is probably why she’s jumped at the chance to have her own private world with Tara. We see the usual lonely-Willow face as Buffy runs off, but now she can head to Tara’s instead of just feeling pathetic. 
No one can say Buffy didn’t give a good faith effort to trust the Initiative. She doesn’t seem to notice they’re subtly testing her skills and getting a good read on what she can do. Forrest is, predictably, not happy about the situation. 
Graham: He made you team leader, didn’t he?
Forrest: That’s not the point. I’ve always been Riley’s second-in-command. Instead he picks a girl.
Graham: His girl.
Forrest: Whatever. Three guesses what that boy’s thinking with.
It’s funny everyone at the Initiative is a bit obsessed with Riley. If Buffy were made today there would definitely be a Forrest-is-in-love-with-Riley subplot.
Speaking of what Riley’s thinking with, we get a montage of Buffy and Riley fighting demons and having sex for the first time. It makes me wonder how much fighting was foreplay for them, and if that was tied in to Riley’s issues when Buffy doesn’t trust him to come along anymore post super-soldier. If the sex was less exciting he probably became worried about his hold on Buffy. Anyway, Maggie is so creepy for watching them have sex. She’s totally rocking that vibe you get around certain mothers where you wonder just how obsessed with their sons they are (am I the only one who’s met one of those mothers?).
Sadly, Buffy wakes up panicked the morning after with Riley. This is the first time in her life things haven’t immediately gone to hell after sex. It was almost an entire day before it happened this time! Progress. 
Willow’s worry makes it’s way over to Buffy and she begins to question the operation a bit. The culture of the Initiative is don’t ask questions, just follow orders. They’ve got a bunch of soldiers contributing to an operation they know absolutely nothing about. It’s amazing the kind of trust they have in authority figures. But Buffy’s used to leading, not following. 
Giles: Thinking about your affliction -- as well as your newly discovered ability to fight only demons. It occurs to me - and I realize it's against your nature - but have you considered there may be a higher purpose--
Spike: Aagh. Made me lose count. What are you still doing here?
I’ve mentioned over on my Angel commentary that he’s really struggled to find reasoning for his being brought back. He thinks there’s a higher meaning for his continued existence despite all he’s faced (I mean, that’s got to be easier than thinking it’s all pointless, right? Ah, and there’s our set up for his break down...anyway...). Spike has no interest in Giles musing about his new potential now that he’s chipped. Spike just wants to smoke, shag, and maybe get into some trouble as always. 
After an unfortunate meeting with the commandos Spike turns up at Giles’ door despite just telling him he wants nothing to do with him. Xander’s military knowledge (it’s amazing how often that’s come up) helps them realize he’s got a tracker implanted in him. Giles gets some of the money back from the Fyarl fiasco in exchange for helping. Interestingly, Giles immediately calls Willow to perform a spell to buy them some time. No concern about her use of magic right now.
Spike: I'm not going anywhere. Not until those bastards undo whatever they did to me. Put me back the way I was.
Xander: Sure, just explain to the nice scientist guys that you really miss torturing and killing innocent people.
Spike: Think that'll work?
Giles: Spike, Lord knows why I'm telling you this, but it's for your own good. As long as the Initiative's in operation, it's not safe for you here.
After Maggie watched Buffy and Riley and heard her ask about 314 she makes the decision to kill Buffy. Since Maggie died prematurely we can only speculate on how much she was motivated by possession of Riley vs. pure protectiveness over her operation. I think it was obviously a little of both, but ultimately I think her feelings for Riley would have lost out to her love of the Initiative. I think a big reason she cared so much for him was his compliance anyway. Maggie expresses some regret over the loss of a powerful ally in Buffy.
After sending Riley on a mission Maggie contacts Buffy to set her up. We get a quick glimpse of Buffy and Willow’s lack of a relationship right now as neither tells the other why they were out all night. Buffy is sent to the sewers and quickly realizes she’s been set up. And then THE BEST SCENE:
Maggie: Two of our hostiles broke free and escaped into the tunnels. She went after them on her own. She's dead, Riley.
Riley: What?
Maggie: I did everything I could to stop her. Told her to wait for a back-up team. She kept insisting she didn't need any team, she could handle it herself.
Maggie: I'm so, so sorry.
Riley: I-I don't understand. How could this happen?
Maggie: I know how much you cared for her. She was a very, very special girl...I was just beginning to... I didn't understand at first. But she had something. I don't know... maybe I could've stopped her. It's hard not to blame myself--
Buffy: Hello, Professor Walsh...That simple little recon you asked me to do? Wasn't a raccoon. Turns out it was me trapped in a sewer with a faulty weapon and two of your pet demons on my hands. If you think that's enough to kill me you really don't know what a slayer is. Trust me when I say you're gonna find out.
First, I love that Walsh really thought her trap would work. Buffy hasn’t had access to military-grade weapons throughout her run as the slayer (okay, maybe a few times) so she’s had to rely on creativity. Second, I love Riley’s emotional reaction. A little poorly acted, but so cute. And third, badass Buffy is badass. Suck it, Walsh.
Riley walks out to the Maggie ordering him to stop--even resorting to saying Riley instead of Agent Finn. But for once he’s not following orders. Maggie seems to think he’ll come around once Buffy is killed. But Adam wakes up and kills “mommy” before she gets the chance to find out. This is when the villain arc of the season begins to suck. Adam is a huge downgrade from Maggie/the government and their infinite resources.
Character Notes:
Buffy Summers: When she was eight she took a trip to Washington D.C with her parents and got lost in the Smithsonian. Her code number is 91423.
Riley Finn: His code number is 75329.
Tara Maclay: She found a dolls-eye crystal in her attic she believes belonged to her grandmother. She gets it for Willow, but Willow doesn’t feel right taking it.
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tellerford-mayhem · 7 years
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Americano: No hablo su Jesus Cristo Chapter 1
Ship: Chibs x OC
Word Count: 2,045 Words
Synopsis: Isadora White Dove Alvarez is the daughter of the late president of the Mayan MC. She blames SAMCRO for all of her problems and intends to make them feel her pain. Chibs grows worried for her safety.
Rating: M
Warnings: Language, Sexual Innuendos, Mentions of Death
A/N: This is my first crack at SoA fan fiction. I hope that I can capture their likeness and I don’t disappoint. If you haven’t already, read my preview first about what has inspired this piece and where I want to take the story. If you want to be tagged, please let me know!
Her POV
She heard the growl of the motorcycles coming up the drive. “Cabrones,” she said under her breath as she started getting ready for the day. She knew the Sons were coming to collect their precious cargo. She hated MC’s, especially this one in particular. They were the reason her father, Mateo Alvarez, was murdered. During the time when SAMCRO and the Mayans were at war, her father was gunned down, leaving her Uncle Marcus to take the reins of his MC. Now she lived with her mother’s sister, her Aunt Dana White Feather, on the Wahewa Reservation. Her Uncle Charlie had made a deal with the Sons to supply them with ammunition for a fair price. She tried thinking of ways to thwart this deal, but her uncle ordered her to stand aside. He knew of her desire to hurt them in anyway she could without starting a war, so he did his best to keep her away from them any time they were on the reservation.
She walked out of the bathroom and saw her Aunt and Uncle sitting at the table, talking under their breath. “Tsaangu beaichehku,” [Good Morning] she said to both of them. She grew up in a mixed house between Shoshone and Mexican. Her mother believed it was beneficial that she learned both languages and customs, as they were apart of her.
“Tsaangu beaichehku,” Aunt Dana replied.
“The Sons are back,” she noted while she fixed herself a cup of tea.
“Yes. You are to go with Wolf Tamer while they are here. He needs help in his mother’s garden.”
She rolled her eyes. Michael Wolf Tamer was enamored with her; he would literally do anything just to be alone with her. “Fine. I’ll hang out there, but if I see one of those puntas, lo asesinaré.”
There was a loud knock on the door. Her uncle looked at her with an eyebrow raised. “Please behave, White Dove.”
White Dove. The name she earned while she spent her summers with her grandparents on the Shoshone Reservation in Nevada. Her Aunt and Uncle only used it when they meant business, otherwise they called her by her given name: Isadora.
Three men walked into her home wearing SAMCRO colors: A tall grey haired man, who wore the president’s patch; a young blonde man, who wore the VP patch; and a greying man with distinctive scars on his cheeks. She knew the first two to be Clay Morrow and Jax Teller, respectively, but she didn’t know the other one. He intrigued her while he stood stoically by the door as Clay spoke with her uncle. She recognized him from somewhere, but couldn’t place where. She was studying the man when she noticed Jax looking over to her and smiling. She gritted her teeth as he approached. She had heard he was a ladies’ man, despite being in a committed relationship to Tara; a little flirting never hurt anybody. “I don’t believe we’ve met yet,” he said.
“Aléjate de mí, o te mataré,” she said with a smile. Her spanish caught him off guard. He looked at Dana who was watching the pair intently.
“Please excuse my niece. Her manners must escape her. This is Isadora White Dove.” She elbowed her in her ribs. “Sea amable o le estamos enviando a Nevada,” she whispered in her ear. Even though Dana grew up in Nevada on the reservation, she and her sister decided to learn spanish in their free time.
She sighed and held out her hand for Jax to shake. Quickly, she grabbed her sunglasses and headed out the door past the silent, rugged man standing guard. Michael was waiting for Isa on his doorstep when she arrived. He ran after her as she walked straight to his mother’s house to help with the herb garden. “Let’s get this over with,” she said.
He didn’t protest as he handed her a pair of gardening gloves. She ignored the offer and began pulling the weeds that were at the base of the Oregano bush. She looked back towards her house and saw the Sons loading boxes into their black van: the ammunition they came to collect. She glared at the man with the scars as he walked out of the door. He shot a glance in her direction and smiled. Isa turned her attention back to the weeds. She heard Michael mumbling to her about something, but she paid no attention to him. She was more concerned with the Sons than anything. She grabbed her garden sheers and walked over to the van as all the Crow disappeared behind the house. Isa had made the decision to puncture each of their tires. She raised her arm to give the blow momentum. As she brought it down with swift force, she felt arms wrap around her waist and lift her up and away from the van. “Oh no ya don’, lass,” a voice said in her ear, “I dinna think tha’ be wise a ya to do. You dinna want the club on yer ass for slashin’ their tires.”
He set her down and took the sheers out of her hands. “I don’t care who’s on my ass,” she said.
He smiled and cocked his head.
“I meant I don’t care if the club is pissed at me! Fuck you!”
“Now’s not the right place, lass,” he said, “go inside and stay outta the way.”
Michael had run over to take her back to the garden. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over her,” he said.
“Control yer woman.”
“Oy. Cállete, Cabrón. I’m not his woman.”
“Chibs!” Jax yelled. “You and me, let’s go.”
Chibs placed his hand on her chin. “We can deal with tha’ later then,” he said with a wink.
“En tus sueños,” she smiled.
“Then they’ll be good dreams, mo chailín shárálainn.” He walked over to his bike and revved it up. Once he and Jax were gone, she stormed back to the garden with Wolf Tamer.
He looked at her as she continued furiously pulling weeds. “Isa, I know you don’t think much of me,” he began, “but I do care about you. I don’t want to see you get hurt or worse.”
She wiped her forehead and looked at him. “Where are you going with this, Wolf?”
He sighed. “Why do you put yourself in those situations? You know the Sons are dangerous, so why piss them off?”
“They ruined my life. They took everyone I ever loved and destroyed them. If I can hurt them, even if it’s just a little bit, then I feel I have started to avenge them.”
He had a somber look on his face as he listened to her. Everyone in the tribe knew her father was president of an MC, which also ultimately caused the death of her dear mother. Nobody in the tribe knew what she had seen; nobody knew what had happened. Those were secrets she would take to the grave. All anyone knew was that they were murdered and that she blamed the Sons of Anarchy for everything.
Isadora stood up and dusted her pants off before walking into Wolf’s house for some beer. His father, Adam Flies with the Dragonfly, was sitting at their table enjoying a book and a cup of tea. “Where you the one causing all the commotion outside?” He asked, not looking up from his book.
She grabbed a beer out of the fridge. “I just wish we weren’t selling to the Sons.”
He put his book down and rested his arms on the table. “Dora,” he said. He was the only one allowed to call her that. She hated being called Dora, even more so after the children’s show aired. “Esa has brought them into our lives for a reason. Embrace the opportunities that have been given to you. This could be a time to learn forgiveness.”
She set her beer down. “They murdered my parents,” she said.
“We’ve lost more than just our parents. We’ve lost nations of people, only to be forced to live on reservations that barely pass as a ghetto, and yet we move on. We are a resilient people who forgives but never forgets.”
“I came in here for a beer, not a life lesson.”
He smiled. “My job as Medicine Man is to give you those life lessons.” He took a drink of his tea. “Reconnect with your Animal guides. They will send you on the right path.”
She rolled her eyes. Though her mother, a proud Shoshone, taught her the ways of their people she was raised in a very devout Catholic home. “I’m sure Esa wants me to meditate early tomorrow morning.”
“For your aunt’s sake, please stay out of trouble,” he shouted after her as she walked back outside.
She walked back to her home to grab her keys. She decided it was time to visit her Uncle Marcus. She hadn’t seen him in months, since his attempted truce with Clay Morrow.
His POV
He sped away with Jax. They had a situation with Zobelle that needed to be taken care of. Clay wanted them to tail him. After they received intel on his dealings with Alvarez, they watched his every move. They were headed back to the garage to switch from their bikes to a more discreet vehicle to tail Zobelle in. The Prospect had called and said Zobelle was on the move. Jax volunteered to tail him into Mayan territory with Chibs. They pulled into TM and parked their bikes. Jax took his helmet off and said with a grin, “Hopefully we can hurry back so you can get in on some of that action back at Wahewa.”
Chibs chuckled. “I dinna think so, Jackie Boy.”
Jax hopped into the driver’s seat of the car. “She scare you off, Chibs?”
“I think she’d a’kill me before it’s all over wit’,” he replied. Despite her beauty, she had an anger inside her that Chibs knew was directed at SAMCRO. “I dinna think she likes us there.”
“Yeah, probably one of the hardcore Indians that doesn’t want anything to do with the ‘white man.’”
“Nah, Brother, she was speaking mostly Spanish.”
“You think she’s with the Mayans?”
“I caught her tryna slash our tires on the van.”
Jax looked at Chibs as they drove away. “Let’s keep this between us. Clay finds out, he’ll kill her. I want to see if she can lead us to the Mayans. I’ll have the Prospect follow her for a few days to see if she’s passing information onto Alvarez.”
Chibs leaned against the door and rubbed the back of his head, feeling the newest scar he received thanks to the AB. “What’ll we do if she is?”
“We don’t kill women, Chibs.”
“I know! But we canna let her pass along any more information.”
“If she is, we’ll handle it.”
They pulled up to the street Sack was parked on. He walked over to the car and hopped in the back seat. “Alvarez just got here. Zobelle’s been waiting for a while.”
“Anyone else with them?”
Sack shrugged. “Alvarez took a car here, and the windows are tinted. I couldn’t see anyone else in the car.”
Chibs stared at the car, waiting for some sign of movement from another possible passenger. His eyes flashed between Zobelle, Alvarez, and the car. “You dinna see a woman with him, did ye?”
“No. Just the men he brought with him.”
They watched the pair nod and walk away from their cars. Zobelle was doing most of the talking. Alvarez appeared to like what he was saying, because he nodded and shook his hand. As soon as Zobelle got back in the car and drove away, they hunkered down in their seats to avoid being spotted. When they sat back up, they saw her: the woman from the reservation. She was in the car that brought Alvarez, and she was furiously talking to him. Chibs couldn’t believe his eyes. He wasn’t surprised by this, but he didn’t want to believe it.
“I guess we’ll handle this, Jackie Boy?”
Jax shook his head and put his face in his hands. “The next time we are up there, grab her.”
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MTVS Epic Rewatch #164
BTVS 6x13 Dead Things
<<<<<<<TRIGGER WARNING FOR EVERYTHING THAT’S WRONG AND VILE IN THE WORLD>>>>>>>
Stray thoughts
1) FUCK THIS EPISODE.
2) “We missed the bed AGAIN” I wonder how many times that happened...
3) First, we were given a glimpse of semi-normal Spuffy. And it was nice and good. Of course, Spike was so giddy when he realized they were having a conversation that he had to go ahead and spoil it.
BUFFY: Is this a new rug?
SPIKE: Mm... no. Just looks different when you're under it.
BUFFY: You know, this place is okay for a hole in the ground. You fixed it up.
SPIKE: Well, I ate a decorator once. Maybe something stuck..
BUFFY: I've been thinking about doing something to my room.
SPIKE: Yeah?
BUFFY: Yeah, I think the New Kids On The Block posters are starting to date me.
SPIKE: Well, if you want, I can... Are we having a conversation?
BUFFY: What? No! No. Maybe.
And he has to ruin it a second time for good measure.
SPIKE: You were amazing.
BUFFY: You got the job done yourself.
SPIKE: I was just trying to keep up. The things you do... the way you make it hurt in all the wrong places. I've never been with such an animal.
BUFFY: I'm not an animal.
SPIKE: You wanna see the bite marks?
BUFFY: You know, it's late, I should... get home before Dawn goes to sleep.
And even when Buffy admits to liking him, albeit sometimes, he needs to push her further by asking her to trust him. Of course, he’s talking about feelings and trust but he really doesn’t know what those things are. And it’s easy to tell because he then tries to rope her into trusting him by manipulating her with the only thing they seem to enjoy doing together - sex. 
SPIKE: What is this to you? This thing we have.
BUFFY: We don't have a... thing, we have... this. That's all.
SPIKE: Do you even like me?
BUFFY: Sometimes.
SPIKE: But you like what I do to you. Do you trust me?
BUFFY: Never.
4) And so the vileness begins...
WARREN: Gentlemen, the cerebral dampener... is online. And with this baby, we can make any woman we desire our willing sex slave.
WILLING SEX SLAVE
I can’t believe how awful this oxymoron is! He actually believed that by stripping women off of their consent, they would be willingly sleeping with them?
And don’t get me started with this...
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He just wanted to rape his ex-girlfriend, okay? That’s all he wanted.
5) Okay, first of all, this is my BROTP.
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Secondly, I love that Buffy turns to Tara for help. And I love what Buffy tells Tara about Willow. 
TARA: I knew this was gonna happen. What did Willow do now? Did she... she hurt anyone? BUFFY: Wha... uh, no, no, um... Tara, this isn't about Willow. TARA: I thought that's why you didn't want to meet at the house. BUFFY: Uh, sorry, it's, um... Willow's fine, she's been doing really well. You'd be proud of her.
I think this definitely helped thaw Tara’s reluctance to get back together with Willow. 
6) “I feel different. There are things... I think... maybe... I came back wrong.” This is very important for different reasons. On the one hand, we can see that Spike has gotten into her head and that she’s started to believe the things he’s been feeding her. On the other hand, this is Buffy desperately trying to find a supernatural explanation for why she can’t get over her depression and for her attraction to Spike. If the cause is supernatural, then she can find a way to fight it. The supernatural is fixable, it always has been. That’s why she desperately wanted this to be the case. Because if the cause wasn’t supernatural, then there truly was something wrong with her. And she didn’t know how to fix it. (hence, her breakdown...)
7) UGH UGH UGH!! I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!
ANDREW: We can really have anyone we want. JONATHAN: It's like candy. ANDREW: Juicy, pulsating candy.
They were actually having fun doing this! But I’ll get back to this later...
8) 
ANYA: You are looking a little pounded.
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9) 
BUFFY: Where are you going? DAWN: I'm sleeping over at Janice's? BUFFY: And I'm falling for that again because of the surprise lobotomy? WILLOW: It's okay, I checked it out. Janice's mom is picking her up. BUFFY: Oh. DAWN: I didn't think you'd care. You're never home, so...
BUFFY: I know. I'm sorry. You know, but I, I'm here now. All visible and everything. Couldn't you just stay at Janice's another night?
DAWN: Her mom's cooking Mexican. She's gonna teach me how to make real tortillas. Not like I knew you'd be around.
The writers were trying really hard to sell the idea that the reason Buffy was abandoning Dawn was because of her sexcapades with Spike. But... A) she had a full-time job now, which sometimes required her to work DOUBLE SHIFTS as we saw in Doublemeat Palace, and B) Buffy’s other gig - slaying - required her to be out of her house at night. C) Dawn didn’t know Buffy was sleeping with Spike, so the guilt-trip is kind of uncalled for, considering Buffy was working two jobs, one of them to support both of them and keep their house. (And yes, I get that Dawn is a teenager but you can’t have her feeling sorry for Buffy because she’s doomed to work dead-end jobs one episode and then guilt-tripping her for the VERY SAME REASON...)
10) 
WARREN: I missed you so much. You never should have left me. Say it. KATRINA: I never should have left you, Master. WARREN: Tell me you love me. KATRINA: I love you, Master.
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He claimed to miss her, yet he really wasn’t with the person he claimed to miss, he had to strip Katrina of everything that made her Katrina to have her. He was abusing the shell of the person he claimed to love and miss. I just wish I could set Warren on fire a thousand times.
11) I both hate and love this scene so much, and I’ll tell you why. 
WARREN: I just, I wanted us to be together! KATRINA: There is no us, Warren! Get that through your big meaty head! I am not your girlfriend anymore! JONATHAN: She's your ex? ANDREW: Dude, that is messed up. KATRINA: Oh, you think? You bunch of little boys, playing at being men. Well, this is not some fantasy, it's not a game, you freaks!
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I hate it for obvious reasons, okay? I don’t think there’s any need to explain that part. But what I love is the fact that the writers had Katrina call it for what it was. And I love the fact that it’s only after she does that that it dawns on Jonathan and Andrew the actual nature of what they were doing. It was all a game before that, the girls were candy for their picking. They didn’t think it was messed up to strip random girls of their consent. They didn’t know them, what was the harm? It’s only when they realize Warren knew Katrina that they start to think there’s something wrong with this. But they don’t really get it yet. They just think he’s a bit fucked up because he wants to screw with his ex-girlfriend. But when Katrina yells the word RAPE at them, they go silent. We? Rapists? That can’t be! We were just playing a game! We just wanted to have any girl we want! What’s wrong with that? I guess there wasn’t anything wrong with it as long as they didn’t call it by its name, you know? Because, like, would they have gone along with this scheme if Warren had told them: “we are going to use this device to RAPE women”? I don’t think so. That was literally what they were planning to do, but since they’re boys and they were playing and they thought they kinda deserved this, then there must be nothing wrong with it, right? (let’s not forget Jonathan had pretty much done the same thing in Superstar... and yet he was only now realizing it was wrong...)
So, the reason I love this scene is because the way they react sadly feels so real.
12) And then Warren kills Katrina.
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And you can see it in their eyes. They’re beginning to understand this is no game, this is rape and murder and it’s wrong. You can see Andrew almost wanting to look away. This is not who they want to be. They want to be comic book villains, you know? And comic book villains are not rapists. So yeah, it’s kind of dawning on them that they’re the bad guys but like not in a cool way. And yet, they don’t challenge Warren. 
13) Warren is not wrong, though...
JONATHAN: What did you do? What the hell did you do?!
WARREN: We did this. Me, and Andrew, and you. It's on all of us.
14) 
JONATHAN: Oh, well that's it, man. We're screwed. WARREN: No, we just have to stay calm. JONATHAN: Tell that to your girlfriend! WARREN: Ex-girlfriend! JONATHAN: It doesn't matter! There's a link. You knew her, so there's a link. You don't think Buffy'll be able to put that together? That's what she does, she'll figure it out! ANDREW: It was an accident. Maybe if we turn ourselves in- WARREN: No. JONATHAN: He's right. If we go to the police now- WARREN: I'm not going to jail. JONATHAN: We can't hide this! Sooner or later, the Slayer's gonna find out she's dead.
I’m actually kind of surprised Andrew is the one who shows the most remorse in this scene. Jonathan seems to be primarily concerned with how this affects them. He’s not feeling sorry for Katrina, he just doesn’t want Buffy to kick their asses because of this. Andrew suggests turning themselves in, which is actually the only decent thing any of them did in this episode.
15) Ugh, and then the balcony scene...
SPIKE: You see, you try to be with them but you always end up in the dark... with me. What would they think of you if they found out all the things you've done? If they knew... who you really were?
BUFFY: Don't.
SPIKE: Stop me.
This is what I mean when I say that Spike used his previous insightfulness to manipulate Buffy by feeding her ideas that weren’t really true. Time and again, he had made comments and observations about Buffy and her friends that were eerily spot-on because he had the vantage point of the observer (and yes, he was insightful.) He had sort of proven to know her, to understand her. Now, he was taking advantage of that fact to manipulate Buffy and draw her away from her friends (the Scoobies definitely posed a threat to their relationship from Spike’s point of view.) And it worked because Buffy believed him. After all, he’d been right before about her, why would he be wrong now? 
16) Why was Willow wearing Dark!Willow’s jacket, though? Was this some sort of wardrobe foreshadowing?
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17) 
TARA: No, I wouldn't... I was just looking for Buffy. WILLOW: Oh. Well, I haven't seen her since last night. She's not around much these days. We kinda miss her. TARA: I'm sure she feels the same way.
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18) This moment was kinda hot, though. #sorrynotsorry
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19) The scene in the woods is dark and twisted and awful but at the same time is hella trippy and I kinda love how it was shot.
20) 
WARREN: Nice job. She totally bought it.
JONATHAN: Yeah. Some of my best work.
ANDREW: What happens now?
JONATHAN: Well, the night's young. Gotta be some more girls we could kill.
I get that Jonathan was kinda feeling bad about the whole thing, but like, kinda feeling bad about raping and murdering a girl is sort of not good enough? What are you doing about it, Jonathan? I mean, other than being all bitchy about how evil your friends are and how awful what you all did is. 
21) Hear me out here, I get Dawn in this scene, but at the same time, I don’t.
BUFFY: There's something I have to do. I have to tell what I did. I have to go to the police. DAWN: The police? BUFFY: Dawnie, I have to. DAWN: But... what's going to happen? BUFFY: I don't know. DAWN: They'll take you away. Won't they. BUFFY: I'm sorry. DAWN: No, you're not. You're never here. You can't even stand to be around me. BUFFY: That is not true. DAWN: You don't want to be here with me. You didn't want to come back. I know that. You were happier where you were. You want to go away again. BUFFY: Dawn... DAWN: Then go! You're not really here anyway.
There were obviously other problems that came to the surface in this scene, things that had been bothering Dawn and which she had been keeping to herself. But Buffy had just confessed to having accidentally killed a person. We’re talking murder, okay? And Dawnie, sorry, I get that you miss your sister and she hasn’t been around and that she’s probably going to jail. But what’s right is right. Buffy had to turn herself in, there wasn’t any way around it. This wasn’t about Buffy not wanting to be around Dawn, this was about the fact that Buffy believed she had accidentally killed a person, and she had to make things right. 
22) Oh, Spike, you evil useless bloodsucking fiend!
BUFFY: What... did you do?!
SPIKE: What I had to. I went back and I took care of it. It doesn't matter now. No one will ever find her.
COP #1: (O.S.) Where'd they find her?
COP #2: The river. She washed up half a mile from the cemetery.
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23) 
SPIKE: You're not going in there. BUFFY: I have to do this. Just let me go. SPIKE: I can't. I love you. BUFFY: No, you don't. SPIKE: You think I haven't tried not to?
A) This is very similar to what Buffy said to Angel in Surprise, though, quite appropriately, the roles are reversed...
B) At first glance, it seems as though Spike was trying to do the best for her, but if you really dig deeper, he was just trying to care for himself. He made a lot of good arguments, and he wasn’t that far off ( “Demons in the woods? Time going wonky?” “It was an accident” - with the things that had been happening in Life Serial and Gone Buffy should’ve known this wasn’t just an accident and that it was the trio playing with her...) But... I love you, hence your going to jail will inconvenience me. 
24) And this is pretty much what Faith told her once (when Faith was in the same situation she was now in, yet Buffy was choosing to do the exact opposite of what Faith did back then...)
SPIKE: You are not throwing your life away over this. BUFFY: It's not your choice. SPIKE: Why are you doing this to yourself? BUFFY: A girl is dead because of me. SPIKE: And how many people are alive because of you? How many have you saved? One dead girl doesn't tip the scale. BUFFY: That's all it is to you, isn't it? Just another body!
25) So it’s kind of fitting that Buffy has a meltdown like the one Faith had in Who Are You? - a meltdown motivated primarily by self-loathing, of course, because even though she was addressing Spike and beating him up, she was trying to hurt herself. (this is still abusive as shit, though.)
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26) Andrew seems to have gotten over his guilty conscience rather quickly...
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I wish this had been the point at which Jonathan made a heel face turn. He’s clearly not jumping in the “we got away with murder and we’re feeling awesome about it” wagon, but he’s not really doing anything about the whole thing either. 
27) And then this scene...
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This is too sad to write about, and tbh, I’m emotionally exhausted. I don’t have any words left. All I have to say is that I love both Buffy and Tara so much. I love how understanding and supportive and non-judgemental Tara is. And I love how Buffy is finally able to open herself up to someone, to show how she really feels, even if all that she feels is sadness and heartbreak. 
ok brb gonna go have myself a good cry bye
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paintmetara · 6 years
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Joshua Daniel
I’m okay at writing, so writing the 15 page paper you asked for may not be a challenge for me. In any case, writing in this style will help me portray my thoughts to you. 
1- You already know I love you, but I don’t think that can be overcommunicated. Can someone actually tire of being told they are loved? So first- I love you. Thank you for letting me and for opening your heart to me, a stranger become family, in such a short time.
2- What should you do? I know you want an answer on what you should do for work. Oh Joshua. I wish I had the foresight and the knowledge to know what is best. I don’t. My most honest answer and my hearts desire for you is that you do what is best for your spiritual health- your relationship with Jesus. Even still, I don’t know what that option is. 
Really, I want you to be back home. I want you to be able to focus on the Lord for a longer time and be strengthened to the core. The Lord has different plans than I do, and I believe in and trust Him to be faithful even when its not the plan I would consider best. 
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9
To determine what to do next with work we have to ask- What are you trying to accomplish? You have a million things running through your mind, a million things you want to do, and it is overwhelming even for the strongest in faith. To have victory in these areas holding you captive, you must start with your thoughts. 
The ultimate answer to your question is to stop. repent. receive forgiveness. move forward. walk in grace and TRUTH. The Truth that if you can trust God with your salvation, you can trust him with every tiny little detail. I want you to practice taking your thoughts captive and transforming your mind. 
“For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete.” 2 Corinthians 10:3-6
“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. [[THE COMMAND:: Do not be conformed to this world, but [[HOW:: be transformed by the renewal of your mind, [[WHY:: that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:1-2
As you seek to think the way the Lord thinks and to walk with him, this is my prayer for you-
“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith- that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have the strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Ephesians 3:12-4:3
I urge you, Joshua, to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called. These things you want to see accomplished in your life- from the immediate next steps to the long term healing of your family- have to start with you resting in the Lord and growing in faith. I have full confidence the Lord will provide for your physical needs, I have full confidence he can use YOU to bring healing and restoration to your family, I have full confidence your children will one day seek the faith that you have and look to you for guidance and wisdom. 
I have full confidence in the Lord’s power to continue changing your heart- to break you and make you more like Christ. I have this confidence because God’s Word is true and He promises it. I have this confidence because I have seen it in my own heart. 
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6
Joshua, not too long in the past if you had been any person in my life calling me drunk, I would be annoyed, mad, and so extremely self righteous. This is one simple way you can know my love for you is genuine- I will take that call any time- not because I am a sweet woman as you once called me, but because my heart has been softened and changed by the power of God. He has given me the grace to pour out to others. He has given me the confidence that when my heart is at risk- I only need to trust Him to keep it safe and to mend it when its broken. Knowing these truths gives me the confidence to love without reservations. 
I believe the Lord is Who He says He is. When we believe that, when we actually make ourselves meditate on that Truth, that Jesus is God- that he DIED IN MY PLACE, how can I go on sinning? ALL OF ROMANS 6. It all starts, continues, AND ends with the object of our faith- Jesus Christ. We are powerless without His Spirit, and once we have the Holy Spirit, the power is still HIS. We have to believe we have it, and stop listening to the lies of this world which tell us we are incapable, that we can never be more than our sin, or that our current circumstances are too big for God.
I know and I empathize with your circumstances. I know they seem unbearable and hard to overcome. When I was feeling that way a couple years ago, my pastor helped me with this perspective. I was sobbing over a situation that I was very guilty of putting myself in, and telling him how I just wanted to get myself out because I was full of so much regret over what I had done. He said “Tara, what is the worst event in human history?” I said “The crucifixion.” - I knew thats what he was getting at, but if you think about it, it truly is the worst event. WE crucified our God. Clay proceeded to say, “Yes. That was horrific, the worst event to ever happen, and we caused it. And what did God do with that?.... He made it into the greatest event and biggest blessing to ever happen... The resurrection - VICTORY.” If God can make beautiful the cross, he can make our lives beautiful even after we have royally screwed them up. 
Notice I didn't say the Lord would make our lives easy. In fact, most of the new testament is an encouragement to persevere through suffering because we will certainly suffer as believers. Suffering allows us to identify with Christ, all as a means to make us more like Himself. 
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 5:6-11
“Okay, Tara, so what do you want me to do?” 
Your immediate needs are a home, a license, and a car. My opinion, whatever its worth, is that you find a job that will bring in steady, reliable income. If there is anyone who believes you can be the best roofing salesman ever, its me. My saying you should find a job with a dependable income has absolutely nothing to do with my level of faith in your ability. 
I asked you the other night- “Do you think you can talk me into anything?” and you said no. Which is true. I’m a strong woman with some pretty strong convictions and I have the Lord with me, giving me wisdom, and an army of people watching me to keep me from falling into anything unsafe or unhealthy. But do you know why I need guarding from that? Because you truly can talk anyone into anything. One of the first nights we were texting you said “go to bed,” not “goodnight,” or “talk to you later.” I laughed to myself and thought - this guy thinks he can just tell me what to do.. and he can! You are a confident and unashamed man. You are who you are and you say what you want to say. These are all qualities that I admire in you. They are refreshing and genuine. I know people don't always get the most vulnerable parts of you- the parts you’ve started to show me, but even still, you have a way about you that captivates people. All of that to say- I know you can sell roofs. 
However, direct sales is simply not always reliable. I know I don't have to explain that to you. So, will getting a restaurant job mean taking longer to accomplish some of your goals? Yes, it might. Can God provide through that? Yes, He can. In ways beyond our understanding. Financially, and spiritually. What  can he teach you through that process? Patience, humility, and more than anything: an every single day dependence on Him- for your physical needs and your heart. I sent you the end of this last week, but the whole passage is helpful.
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:25-34
“My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.” Proverbs 3:1-8
We often pick out the trust in the Lord portion of this passage, but there is so much encouragement in the rest. 
Okay, Joshua. I’ve given you only the wisdom that I’ve been given from the Lord. Your life is your life, and your decisions are your decisions. I love you through anything. Loving you through anything is not always going to mean agreeing with you. I will firmly tell you that you need to repent of the sins you’re participating in- not because your actions will bring you salvation- I know only faith in Jesus Christ provides that- and PRAISE GOD that is true. What a great reason to rejoice. But I still beg you to turn from any substances and the women- because sin will blind you, and the Lord demands a humble, repentant heart.
“Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:12-13
Move forward in faith, and the actions will follow. I’m not really worried about those things because I think as you place your trust in God continually, that your actions will follow. The last thing I want is for you to just modify your behavior- that is not true salvation. I want your heart to continuously and wholly trust in our Savior. I want this for myself, too. Writing this out has been a deep blessing for me because I have been reminded of the most foundational truths of Who God is, what He asks, and Who I am because of what He has done. 
3- I love you, again. Yes, I am ready to be your sister. I love you, unconditionally, because that is how God loves me. You can fall a million times, Joshua. Whats important is not that I’ll still be here, but that God will. You do not scare me, your faults do not push me away. You will hurt me. I know you will. That is what people do to each other. I will hurt you. I’m going to be honest with you when you hurt me and I want you to be honest with me when I hurt you. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” Proverbs 27:6 This is what will foster a real relationship- honesty in all things. Telling the truth when its hard, and apologizing when we’re confronted with a wrong. We will forgive each other, because thats what we are commanded to do. Sometimes, wrongs just need to be covered with love. Other times, they need to be confronted and forgiveness granted. I’m learning the difference between those two things, but knowing that people will hurt us allows us to love more freely. If I disappoint you and hurt you, know that it isn't my intention. I will want to right that wrong with you- so tell me. 
On another note, while I’m ready to be your sister, we should probably talk about the fact that I’m actually not. Having this sort of friendship can be dangerous. Men and women just sometimes can't work that out- so I need us to be careful. I need you to care for me as though I really am your sister- do not take advantage of me, and guard my heart. As my brother in Christ, take care of me. I think of the movie - A Walk to Remember. Now, I’m not dying of cancer, but in it this young Christian girl tells the bad boy type that she's befriending that he has to promise not to fall in love with her. Of course he does. But the point is, as I walk with you day to day, I don't want to become your savior, or the blessing in your life. I want Christ to be your treasure. I’m not trying to be arrogant when I say that. Trust me, the boys are not flocking to me. I don’t think that you will just fall for me because I’m so amazing. None of that is the reality, nor do I think that that is whats happening. I just want it out on the table- We’re not really siblings and hearts are messy, so lets be careful with each other. 
4- Thank you, Joshua. My eyes are filling with tears as I think of the blessing it is and will continue to be to walk forward in Faith with you. 
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krissysbookshelf · 7 years
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  Organic Gardening for Beginners by April Cherryson: Organic Gardening can be made easy with the tips, tricks, and guidelines included in this eBook. The organic way of growing plants provides a safe and natural alternative of growing vegetables, herbs, and fruits. They are free of pesticides and other harmful chemicals. Read inside to find out more!
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  Blood and Shadows by Dayne Edmondson: Assassins threaten to destroy the kingdom of Tar Ebon and only a small band of super-powered heroes stand a chance of stopping them.
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  The Last of the Sages (Book 1) by Julius St. Clair: The Last of the Sages is the first book in the best-selling fantasy adventure series: The Sage Saga. It is the story of James Alters, a self-proclaimed slacker with only enough ambition in life to pursue his next meal. But when his father decides to enroll him in the Kingdom’s Academy, he learns that life is worth fighting for, and even a slacker like him deserves happiness.
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  The Changelings: War of the Fae (Book 1) by Elle Casey: New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Elle Casey brings readers Book 1 in the YA Urban Fantasy WAR OF THE FAE Series. With over 1,700 5-star ratings on Goodreads for Book 1, readers love the War of the Fae series! Jayne Sparks, a potty-mouthed, rebellious seventeen-year-old, and her best friend, shy and bookish Tony Green, have a pretty typical high school existence, until several seemingly unrelated incidents converge, causing a cascade of events that change their lives forever.
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  Terminus Project: Mars by Casey Herzog: Peter Gabell is used to unwanted attention. Since his childhood, he has been held up as a symbol of what the benevolent governments of Earth can do for humanity. Now, Peter is expected to take that message into space. As the mining colonies of the outer planets declare secession from Earth, the planet must send its first military force into the void to ensure the flow of resources from the outer solar bodies doesn’t slow.
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  Connie: The Daughters of Allamont Hall (Book 3) by Mary Kingswood: A traditional Regency romance — drawing room rather than bedroom. Connie’s only just escaped her late father’s restrictions, and she’s reluctant to surrender her freedom to a man just yet. Can the Marquess change her mind?
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  The Lives of Balloons by Rebecca Milton: Amy is vital. When the world was younger for her, she was a writer of such passion. She wrote about a city she loved and thrived in. Her days were full of writing and her friendship with Rose, her most adored friend. Together they conquered and created in the city they both knew like the backs of their hands. A life well lived. But then a shadow man steps from his world and takes from her a mother she adored.
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  Perfectly Broken by Jullian Scott: Detective Jack Stone has been investigating the Carver’s victims from the very beginning. Each murder was haunting in its own way, but when Cassie’s file ends up on his desk, Jack will never be the same. When Cassie is found alive, Jack is given a detective’s greatest gift – a surviving victim. As he gets to know Cassie, Jack realizes that she also holds the key to something else – his heart.
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  Take Me by CJ Thomas: The first volume of the Take Me series, an alpha billionaire romance. Painting was my expertise, but his angled sculpture just begged to be polished.
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  In Love with My Brother’s Best Friend (Part 1) by Sharon Cummin: When the phone rang, I should have known it was my big brother. When he announced that he was getting married, I was surprised. I hadn’t been home for more than a moment in over ten years. My brother was getting married, and I needed to be there. There was only one problem. His name was Jackson, but I called him Jackie. He was my brother’s best friend and the reason I’d been running for so long.
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  Just One Night (Part 1) by Elle Casey: New York Times and USA Today bestselling author, Elle Casey, brings readers Part 1 in the 6-part contemporary romance serial novel, JUST ONE NIGHT. Jennifer is frustrated and disillusioned with love, a very dangerous combination. Convinced there’s no such thing as Prince Charming, and against her best friend’s better judgment, she places a personal ad seeking a one-night stand. No strings, no commitments, no second dates.
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  Rough Love: Burning Through Gravity (Books 1-3) by Addison Moore: Two souls. Two innocent deceptions. Stevie and Ford detonate once they meet with lust hotter than a July moon. Ford is in control and assertive until Stevie reduces him to his knees. The things Stevie has planned for Ford, he will never see coming. *With a twist so big—you won’t see it coming either.
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  Better Than Chocolate by J. Lynn Rowan: Carmella Sannarelli is headed for St. Croix, determined to find out why her best friend is breaking her engagement with Ryan Wutkowski and eloping with a new man. But Carmella isn’t prepared to run into the jilted fiancé on the flight, or for the way his lingering looks and touches inexplicably make her heart pound.
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  Forever Dreams by Leeanna Morgan: 230 five star reviews! Gracie arrives in Montana looking for her birth father, but one stubborn cowboy with a heart full of dreams could change her life forever. A heartwarming romance from USA Today bestselling author, Leeanna Morgan.
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    Cooking Spirits: An Angie & Friends Food & Spirits Mystery by Joanne Pence: When culinary queen Angie Amalfi puts aside her gourmet utensils to concentrate on planning her upcoming wedding, eerie happenings turn deadly. The trail leads to ghosts, murders, unhappy families, and enough obnoxious wedding buttinskis to fill a graveyard.
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  The Cafe Girl by Ian Loome: In Nazi-occupied Paris, corrupt policeman Damien Giraud runs a corner of the lucrative black market. But people have begun to pay attention; worse, he’s distracted by affection for a waitress who works in a cafe near his favorite park. But rumors place her in the resistance, and Giraud’s trade is becoming dangerous. What does she have to hide? A noir suspense in the vein of Graham Greene’s The Third Man and Patricia Highsmith’s Tom Ripley novels.
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  The Life and Times of William Boule by Max China: Freelance reporter Carla Black hopes to scoop a great story, so she travels to Morocco, where she sets herself up as bait to lure a serial killer into coming after her. When a body is found in her hotel room, it’s clear the murderer is on her trail. Now wanted for questioning by detectives, Carla starts a desperate race to get back to England. With the killer in hot pursuit, can she make it home alive?
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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  Three Seconds to Rush by Danielle Stewart: Tara is accused of endangering her son, but she can’t remember any details surrounding the horrifying day of her apparent negligence. Can she trust herself enough to get the truth?
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  The Amun Chamber by Daniel Leston: The first book of the David Manning archaeological thriller series, where he seeks the greatest ancient treasure of all time.
This book is Free on June 11, 2017
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