#tattoo notary

[miamibeachnotary305]

🌴🖋️ Miami Beach Notary 305 is here to help make your tattoo and piercing dreams come true! 🌴🖋️

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Attention all parents! We understand that getting a tattoo or piercing as a minor requires parental consent, and we've got you covered! 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦

📍 We travel to ALL the hottest tattoo shops in Miami Beach, ensuring your convenience and peace of mind. Our team of friendly and professional notaries will be right there on site to notarize those essential parental consent forms! 📝✅

💼 You can also visit us at our location, and we offer our services 24/7, so you can get your documents notarized anytime! ⏰✨

📲 Contact us now at 305.778.7489 to schedule an appointment or to inquire further about our services. We can't wait to assist you! 🤗💼

[kaurwreck]

you can make any oath a blood oath if you make it while getting tattooed; that's how I swore in as an attorney.

[coffee-n-bagels-comic-universe]

Brainwaves Bios: Louis Tully (1984)

Dana's Neighbour & Mars' Accountant Louis Tully

An accountant and Dana Barrett's neighbour who gets possessed by Vinz Clortho, then gets to be a temporary Ghostbuster, as well as their accountant.

"Who does your taxes?"

Name

Full Legal Name: Louis Bertram Tully

First Name: Louis

Meaning: French form of 'Ludovicus', the Latinized form of 'Ludwig', from the Germanic name 'Hludwig' meaning 'Famous in battle', composed of the elements 'Hlut' 'Famous, Loud' and 'Wig' 'War, Battle'

Pronunciation: LOO-is

Origin: French, English, Dutch

Middle Name: Bertram

Meaning: Means 'Bright raven', derived from the Old German element 'Beraht' 'Bright' combined with 'Hram' 'Raven'

Pronunciation: BUR-tram

Origin: English, German, Germanic

Surname: Tully

Meaning: Form of 'Tullius', derived from the praenomen 'Tullus', which is of unknown meaning.

Pronunciation: TUL-ee

Origin: History

Titles: Mr

Nicknames: Lou, Bert

Characteristics

Age: 31

Gender: Male. He/Him Pronouns

Race: Human

Nationality: American Citizen. Born in America

Ethnicity: White

Birth Date: April 18th 1953

Sexuality: Straight

Religion: Christian (Non-Practicing)

Native Language: English

Known Languages: English, (Some) French

Relationship Status: Single

Astrological Sign: Aries

Actor: Rick Moranis

Geographical Characteristics

Birthplace: Auburn, DeKalb County, Indiana

Currant Residence: Central Park West, New York, New York

Appearance

Height: 5'5" / 165 cm

Weight: 169 lbs / 77 kg

Eye Colour: Blue

Hair Colour: Brown

Hair Dye: None

Body Hair: Hairy

Facial Hair: Clean Shaven

Tattoos: (As of Jan 1984) None

Piercings: None

Scars: None

Health and Fitness

Allergies: None

Alcoholic, Smoker, Drug User: Social Drinker

Illnesses/Disorders: None Diagnosed

Medications: None

Any Specific Diet: None

Relationships

Affiliated Groups: Ghostbusters (Employee)

Friends: Heather Nieto-Jorge, May Keaton, Allison Wada, Nova Teufel, Peter Venkman, Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore, Raymond Stantz, Janine Melnitz, Dana Barrett, Mars Teufel, Ira Freud

Significant Other: None

Previous Partners: None of Note

Parents: Richard Tully (70, Father), Annabelle Tully (66, Mother, Née Gold)

Parents-In-Law: None

Siblings: William Tully (40, Brother)

Siblings-In-Law: Penelope Tully (36, William's Wife, Née Haber)

Nieces & Nephews: Lewis Tully (10, Nephew)

Children: None

Extras

Level of Education: Taking Law School Night Classes

Occupation: Accountant, Ghostbuster (In-Training), Student

Employer: Ghostbusters / Self-Employed

Expertise:

Accountant Certificate

Actuary Certificate

Notary Certificate

Knack for Loopholes & Exploits

Once Possessed by Vinz Clortho

Faults:

Weak to Good Looking Women

Coupon Collector

Street Food & Junk Food

Backstory: In 1984, Louis Tully was a resident of the Shandor Building at 550 Central Park West and lived on the 22nd floor. Louis occupied 2202. He had unreciprocated romantic feelings for Dana Barrett and clumsily burst out of his apartment whenever she was in the hallway. He was mysteriously locked out of his apartment numerous times, unaware of the supernatural history of the building.

[pobodysnerfect]

INFORMATION:

NAME:  William Murderface

ALIAS / NICKNAME:   Murderface

OCCUPATION:  bassist for Dethklok (infamous metal band), foundation of the Five Piece (Dethklok)*, lead songwriter for Dethklok*, coverman of the Smokaroonie Aficionado magazine, coverman for the "Rock and Roll Diet", founder of Murdertooth Records, founder of Planet Piss (another band), director of Holiday Special(s), creator of a Nascar-theatrical hybrid event, a notary.

*untrue, but self proclaimed

AGE:   Adult.

SEXUALITY:   repressed

HAIR:   triangular, textured brown hair

EYES:   bright green with a low set brow, usually smaller from furrowed eyebrows

HEIGHT:   5'10"

BODY TYPE:  stocky, out of shape

NOTABLE FEATURES:   heavy lisp, large mustache and hair as well as a prominent gap in front teeth. has large stomach tattoos: 'POBODY'S NERFECT' on the upper half and 'This Mess is a Place" on lower stomach

APPEARANCE:   link

PERSONALITY:   according to the Tribunal's expert, Dr. Gibbons, Murderface is a self-destructive personality who expresses his self-loathing through "bodily mutilation, tattooing, alcohol abuse, and coprophilia."

BACKGROUND :

UNDER CONSTRUCTION - William Murderface was raised by his grandparents after he lost his mother and father in a chainsaw murder-suicide when he was an infant. He later became the bassist for the world's most successful death metal band and raked in millions.

BONUS FEATURES :

To be added.

[tattoosbytaurus]

Hey everyone!!!

I’m Melo I am new to this site but would love to interact with you all as well as introduce everyone to all my businesses!!! I’m a tattoo artist, designer, cook, tax consultant, beautician, certified notary and professional mother/grandmother!!! Hope everyone is having a great productive day!!!

[bones-sprouts]

i could get a tattoo. i could call my mom and guilt trip her into sending me a notary and i could go to the place downtown and i could have one. and just keep it hidden and not infected

[unexpectedyarns]

So. A few things that have happened in the past week.

I took an emergency team run with Wolf in the semi to Canada, beginning Wednesday night AFTER I worked a full day, came home to pack, and drove 2 hours to Dalton, forgetting my food at home.

Had a blown out trailer tire at 4:30PM on a Friday, impossible to get to a repair place 30 miles back without passing an open weigh station in broad daylight with a blatantly shredded tire violation. So I drove cautiously 18 miles to a small truck stop. Protocol is to take the shoulder and wait for remote repair but I had food poisoning of some type, so no way I was waiting hours on the side of the road, 18 miles from the nearest toilet. I suspect the intestinal distress to have been caused by a bison burger I had on Thursday that was barely cooked at all.

I celebrated an 800-day streak learning Welsh in DuoLingo. Rydwi’n hapus iawn.

I became a duly-sworn Notary Public. Now in the State of TN, I can marry people.

I made 4 batches of handmade soap.

I made up the stencil for my next self-tattoo.

I knitted a French fry (end not woven in because I didn’t have a small crochet hook at work)

[5ft2sunflower]

Hip-Hop’s Breakout Stars Include Two Rappers in Their 70s

British duo Pete & Bas upend expectations. ‘Breaker breaker, Pete’s in the pub with a baked potato, pint in his hand and a Sunday paper.’

James Hookway Dec. 27, 2022 at 11:08 am ET

MANCHESTER, England—Basil Bellgrave, one half of British rap duo Pete & Bas, stalked the stage on a recent night here, riling up the crowd. “You need a lesson in being a man,” he spat. “Tuck in your shirt and pull up your pants, listen again if you don’t understand.”

Mr. Bowditch is 72. Mr. Bellgrave, 76.

At a time when younger people debate how old is too old to run for president or why so much wealth is in the hands of their parents or grandparents, Messrs. Bellgrave and Bowditch are upending expectations about what seniors can or should be doing—and building a few bridges along the way.

“I think they’re fantastic,” said Will Sullivan, a 20-year-old economics student, lining up to get a T-shirt after the show. “Pete and Bas have totally changed how I think about the older generation.”

“They’re legit artists,” said James Bayat, a disc jockey who interviewed the pair on Unity Radio here in Manchester, northern England. “They’re opening doors for everybody.”

Pete, with his south London drawl and soccer tattoos, and Bas, tall and lean with a silver ponytail trailing off the back of his balding head, have hundreds of thousands of followers on Instagram and TikTok and a clutch of gold discs. The Manchester show was the first night of a nationwide tour and they have performed with some of the biggest names in drill, one of the grittier genres of street music popular in Britain. Outside their shows, fans mob them, pleading for autographs and selfies and, sometimes, making sure they get a taxi safely home.

Exactly how a retired mailman and a notary public became the elder statesmen of the U.K.’s hip-hop scene requires some explanation.

Crowds turned out to see Pete & Bas perform on their recent tour. Above, the opening night in Manchester, England.Photo: James Hookway/The Wall Street Journal

They readily admit it started as a lark. Mr. Bowditch said he started getting into rap after his granddaughter Lily kept changing the presets on his car radio and he got tired of putting them back.

He later met Mr. Bellgrave, who was giving piano lessons in the backroom of a grocery store in southeast London, where managers were posting tongue-in-cheek songs to Instagram to promote a homemade health juice.

“Basil Juice,” as it was called, wasn’t a hit.

Messrs. Bowditch and Bellgrave formed a lasting friendship that soon saw them in videos, driving around south London bobbing their heads in time to drill beats and spraying cans of lager outside corner stores at passersby.

“We’ve been best friends ever since really,” said Mr. Bellgrave. The two have been making music since 2017.

Bloggers on YouTube and elsewhere have tried to find out if the Pete & Bas phenomenon is too good to be true and whether it really is them performing.

The music was recorded with help from their grandchildren and their grandchildren’s friends, chiefly a pair of producers who go by the handles Handsome Dexter and 91shots. The performances that Messrs. Bellgrave and Bowditch put in make clear they are taking the lead, even if they do get help keeping the slang and pop culture references up-to-date.

Other lines are distinctively them.

After the show, Messrs. Bowditch and Bellgrave posed for selfies and signed merchandise, often for fans in their teens or 20s.Photo: James Hookway/The Wall Street Journal

“Breaker breaker, Pete’s in the pub with a baked potato, pint in his hand and a Sunday paper,” Mr. Bowditch says in one track.

“You don’t wanna come round here you’ll get mashed,” Mr. Bellgrave snarls in another. “Run a man down in my sandals, I’m too hot to handle, you don’t wanna take this gamble.”

“The initial reaction was, hey look at these old guys rapping, that’s funny,” Mr. Bellgrave recalled, knocking back a beer in the dressing room before the show, a wide-brimmed fedora perched on his head. “But then they were like, hold on—this is good. How can it be funny and good? It doesn’t make sense. This is the whole thing with us.”

The duo has an expanding crew of collaborators who appear in their videos, some of whom were recruited from their local pub.

Two of them, Patrick Karneigh Jr. and Norman Pain, teamed up with their friend, who goes by Kev, as the Northern Boys. They opened for Pete & Bas on their tour.

“It’s nuts out there,” Mr. Karneigh said midway through their set. “They knew all the words and were doing them right back at me,” chants of “PKJ! PKJ!”— his initials and rap name—ringing around the venue.

Later, Mr. Karneigh, who is 75, whipped off his shirt as the Northern Boys returned to the stage to perform their breakout hit, “Party Time,” and its lines about having “a wife at home and she hates me. I sleep outside ‘coz she makes me.”

Pete & Bas have opened doors for other seniors, including the Northern Boys—Patrick Karneigh Jr., left, Norman Pain, center, and their back-up dancer, Kev.Photo: James Hookway/The Wall Street Journal

As Pete & Bas took the stage, a mosh pit formed as the crowd bounced up and down. In the front row, a young woman opened her shirt and motioned Messrs. Bellgrave and Bowditch to sign her chest as the venue’s medical staff looked on warily.

“I’m more worried about them than the audience—it’s usually the other way around,” one said.

By the time they returned for their encore, Mr. Bellgrave had discarded his overcoat and shirt and was wearing only his pants and suspenders. Mr. Bowditch wore a marijuana T-shirt, his trilby hat already lost in the crowd.

“That went all right, didn’t it?,” Mr. Bellgrave said as they made their way to sign T-shirts at the merchandise stall after the show. A crowd was already gathering, chanting “Pete and Bas! Pete and Bas!” as they got their marker pens ready.

“At our age we’re just buzzing that we can still go out and have these adventures,” Mr. Bowditch managed to say before their fans engulfed them.

[neathnights]

Whispers from the Surface: The Great Game

For half a century, the agents of the Powers played their Great Game in central Asia. Now London is their tournament-ground.

→ Assist in a stakeout Players of the Game make mistakes. You can catch even the most cautious ones, if you are patient enough. The Tireless Agent has the patience, but admits it is a lonely task. He'd appreciate company.

Day after night after day Thirty two hours in, and even Darkdrop Coffee stops helping. The strain is murder. How does the Agent do it?

"I learned to sleep with my eyes open." He winks. "Go home, get some rest. I can take the rest from here. Your presence helped."

→ Learn about the latest trends in spycraft A notary in the Foreign Office has tracked your career with interest. They've invited you to a clandestine coffee at Caligula's.

→ Take a stroll around Tyrant's Gardens Much covert business is done on the little bridges and beside the leafless copse. You might learn something here.

A chat on a bridge The spies speak of ciphers, secret inks, the language of tattoos, how to observe without being observed. A hundred years from now they'll call it tradecraft.

���

All done That was more painful than you expected, and the tattoo itches abominably. No matter. You're in the game now, for better or worse.

→ Solving a case: ask the spies of London If anyone knows, it'll be them. And they're discreet. But information costs.

→ Choose Watcher as your Profession Be subtle. Be silent. They also serve who only stand and watch.

→ Begin 'A Trade in Faces' – a substantial story A chance encounter with a mournful rat will lead to a tale of subterfuge and transgression! Uncover the secrets of the Face-Tailor and win a chance to peek at some of London's most closely guarded secrets in 'A Trade in Faces'!

[tumblblabber]

Review: Crank Yankers "Desus & Mero, Jimmy Kimmel & Natasha Leggero" ; "Wanda Sykes, JB Smoove, Adam Carolla"

Review: Crank Yankers “Desus & Mero, Jimmy Kimmel & Natasha Leggero” ; “Wanda Sykes, JB Smoove, Adam Carolla”

Overview (Recap of Sketches) “Desus & Mero, Jimmy Kimmel & Natasha Leggero” Iliza Shlesinger in Iliza Needs A Notary A woman wants to raise the stakes of her boyfriend’s next apology so she calls a notary to set up an appointment. Iliza has a couple of options in which the boyfriend has to notarize, paper, text, and even a potential tattoo. Score 8/10 Desus & Mero in Tag Team Employment Brothers…

[calpicowater]

Week 48/53: November 23rd - November 29th 2020 | First Week at New Job 💼

First week at new office job and it was okay. Kind of fun to learn new things and kind of fun doing new tasks (like bank runs three times a day hahahaha). Although starting over is very overwhelming most of the time because I never feel like I am good enough for anything (sigh it’s even worse after everything that happened this year but anyway). I feel super sleep deprived though. M to F 9-5 is so exhausting honestly. I miss having different shifts ngl (I miss being useless/working once a week even more JHJKSFSF LMAO). Back to working six days a week again and I am SO tired???? I don’t know how I did this for two years straight postgrad. I’m getting too old I think........ Or perhaps I just had a really long break this time round lol. I’m so lazy now :-( !

[esperantoauthor]

By her own account, Sue Sylvester...

has hepatitis

doesn’t menstruate

euthanized her mom

was in special forces, on the team that took out Noriega in Panama

has an honorary doctorate

doesn't have a uterus (“don’t have the time, don’t have the uterus”)

was born in the Panama Canal Zone and isn't a US citizen

ran for office twice

had her tear ducts removed because she wasn’t using them

sold a house to a couple and salted the earth in the backyard

is about to turn 30 (S1)

has a PhD

was a VJ

auditioned for Baywatch

fought in the Falklands

is barren

is a notary public

is an honorary officer with Lima police

used camouflage to avoid getting court martialed for the My Lai Massacre

has a tattoo of herself on her back

has CIA training and can stop her own heart in command

was (briefly) a tambourine player for Wilson Phillips

slept with the drummer from jimmy eat world.

is a doctor of dental surgery ("Sue Sylvester, D.D.S.")

froze her eggs in the late 70s before the technology was invented and Kroger has them in a meat locker

released a sex tape on Betamax with Dick Cheney

coached cheerleading for 95 years

legally changed her middle name to Rodham

has bobble heads of her sworn enemies including Will

has been threatened with poisoning and Becky is her food taster

[guqin-and-flute]

Episode 73: Koala Chlamydia Is A Problem [My Brothers, My Sister and Me Excerpt]

[MBMSAM AU] [First Installment] [Podfics!] [Ao3 Link]

[COVER ART BY THE FANTASTIC LITTLESMARTART]

Jin Zixuan: Do we want another question?

Qin Su: Sure, yeah, got one right here. 'When I was younger, I was really skinny and weak'--hey! Hey, now, negative body talk, much! That's super judgmental of yourself!

Mo Xuanyu: And of us people who are skinny and weak right now! [teasing] Right, Yao-gege?

Meng Yao: [calmly] I'm not affiliated with you.

[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [cackles]

Qin Su: 'When I was a kid, I was really skinny and weak, so I made it my mission to get as jacked as possible so people would take me seriously. I put in a lot of hard work, changed my exercise routine and diet and it worked. But now, as an adult I'm a 6 foot 7 dude--'

Jin Zixuan: [incredulous] 6 foot 7 ?

Qin Su: Just a mountain of a man. '--6 foot 7 dude with serious muscle mass--'

[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: [sotto voce] Good God .

Qin Su: '-- and a pretty intense resting face. I routinely make children cry just by existing and everyone shoots me nervous looks in the grocery store. It gets to me sometimes. I’m not a bad guy! I just look scary. What are some ways that I can make myself less intimidating?’

Mo Xuanyu: Huh.

Qin Su: I mean, let’s see...puppies are unintimidating. Can you devise a system where you carry a few around with you at all times? Maybe in some saddle bags, everywhere you go?

Mo Xuanyu: The movies, the gym, on dates… .

Jin Zixuan: Sure, until they start pissing down your legs. Then you’re not just unintimidating, you’re the guy no one wants to stand next to at the bus stop.

Meng Yao: I mean, it still does the job, doesn’t it?

Mo Xuanyu: You could get a butterfly tattoo, like, directly on your forehead.

Meng Yao: Okay, please explain to me your thought process on how exactly that would make anyone more approachable.

Qin Su: They still want to be able to navigate human society, A-Yu.

Mo Xuanyu: Ew, why? 

Jin Zixuan: Let’s see...what makes someone approachable….Who is the least intimidating of all of us?

Qin Su: [immediately] You.

Meng Yao: [affirming] Mm.

[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: [incredulous] What?

[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: Oh yeah, you’re like...you’re like a poodle. Or a--

Jin Zixuan: [highly offended] Excuse me! I'm the oldest and definitely the tallest one here!

[crosstalk] Meng Yao: [ill concealed snort]

[crosstalk] Qin Su: [pityingly] Oh, da- ge .

[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: Or a golden retriever.

Qin Su: Please don't tell me you think that being tall translates into you actually being scary. You’re tallest by, like, 3 inches. At most, that’s just part of the equation of being scary.

Meng Yao: And the rest of Zixuan’s equation is just filled with collared polo shirts. Which absolutely tanks the intimidation ratio.

Mo Xuanyu: That doesn't tank yours, though.

Meng Yao: I wear button downs. It’s not the same. [Vaguely disgusted undertone] Collared polos.

Jin Zixuan: Excuse you, polos are weekend wear and there is nothing wrong-- I can be intimidating!

Qin Su: [doubtfully] Ehhhhh…

[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [badly stifled snickers]

[crosstalk]Jin Zixuan: I can! Just because I’ve never had to intimidate you --

Qin Su: Let's just say; citation needed

Mo Xuanyu: Please, jiejie has you beat.

Jin Zixuan: [indignant] Wha--

[crosstalk] Qin Su: He's right, gege; an unopened jar of mayonnaise has you beat. And I'm no unopened jar of mayonnaise. 

Mo Xuanyu: That shit is opened .

Meng Yao: That’s a Tinder profile quote.

Qin Su: What? 'Spicier than mayo?'

Mo Xuanyu: [half singing, half chanting] ‘My mayo brings all the boys to the yard, and they’re like-- [normal voice] this is really underwhelming.’

Meng Yao: [musing] ‘Saltier than soy sauce, spicier than mayo….’

Qin Su: Why do we always come back to food? Are our Skype calls haunted by starving Victorian ghost children? Are we possessed?

Mo Xuanyu: [mournful, high pitched, bad British accent] ‘My name is Bartholemew and I’m starving. Please, spare some mayo.’

Meng Yao: It’s your own fault if none of you bother to eat before we record. You all had the schedule.

Mo Xuanyu: [crunches loudly near mic]

Meng Yao: [falsely happy] Hey, thanks! Thank you so much, A-Yu, love the level spike on that one. Editing mouth noises out of our podcast makes my day brighter.

Jin Zixuan: [under his breath] Just...unbelievable….You all….

Qin Su: [smiling] I think we broke him.

Meng Yao: [laughing] Zixuan is limping behind the conversation indignantly, brandishing his cane….

Mo Xuanyu: [sympathetically] Awww.

Jin Zixuan: I--! I am a high powered businessman! I am trained in martial arts and archery and swordsmanship --

Mo Xuanyu: [mouth full] Oh please, gege, you’re a pod caster.

Jin Zixuan: [forcefully] I am a CEO--

[crosstalk] Qin Su: [ignoring him] I think Yao-gege is somehow the most and least intimidating out of all of us at the same time, if we're all being completely honest with ourselves and our place in the world.

Mo Xuanyu: Aww, I thought I was at least a contender!

Qin Su: Honey, you're feral. There's a difference.

Mo Xuanyu: What does a kid have to do around here to be intimidating?

Meng Yao: Learn how to chew with your mouth closed, for one.

Jin Zixuan: [indignantly] A-Yao? Are you not going to deny this?

[Brief silence]

Meng Yao: [calmly] I don't think I'm scary.

Qin Su & Mo Xuanyu: [instant uproarious laughter]

Jin Zixuan: Oh, come on! He's like...a little koala bear or something! How is that scary!

Meng Yao: [offended] Excuse me--

[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [still laughing] I’m gonna pee --

Meng Yao: -- koalas have smooth brains and eat poisonous leaves all day. Are you calling me a poisonous idiot bear?

Qin Su: [wheezes] Only in private.

Mo Xuanyu: [laughter trailing off] Wait, wait, hold on. Don’t all koalas have chlamydia or something?

Qin Su: [renewed laughter]

[crosstalk] Meng Yao: [startled laugh] What?

Mo Xuanyu: Chlamydia! I think that I read--!

[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: Oh my god, I think I’ve actually heard that. The plague, the bubonic plague, isn’t it? Or that--Some sort of--that disease people used to get where bits of you fall off?

Qin Su: Beheadings?

Meng Yao: [voice strangled from laughter] Yes, A-Su, that ancient disease the French Revolution that all koalas have--

[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: [snickering]

Mo Xuanyu: [loud and close to mic] LEPROSY .

[crosstalk] Qin Su: Ow--

[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: Holy shit--

Mo Xuanyu: It’s leprosy and you’re thinking of armadillos, da-ge. 

Jin Zixuan: [muttering] Aren’t we all….

Qin Su: [solemnly]  Armadillos and guillotines. Every damn minute of every damn day.

Mo Xuanyu: And I googled it, I’m right; koala chlamydia is a problem.

Meng Yao: And we’ve just found the title of this episode.

Qin Su: If most koalas have chlamydia, I feel like they have other problems they have to deal with.

Mo Xuanyu: Those pesky, promiscuous koalas!

Qin Su: Get them some damn sex ed! Use those eucalyptus leaves for protection!

Meng Yao: [pleasantly] That’s just about the worst thing I’ve heard all day.

Mo Xuanyu: Eugh, that menthol, though. Like Vicks for your dicks!

Meng Yao: I hate it.

[crosstalk]Jin Zixuan: [pained] PSA: don’t do that. Ever.

Qin Su: The voice of experience?

Jin Zixuan: I don’t think you actually want an answer to that, meimei.

Meng Yao: You people make me hate learning and also knowing things.

Mo Xuanyu: Also I've been looking it up and mountain lions are the ones that can have the bubonic plague.

Meng Yao: Choose your fighter; chlamydia ridden koala, leprosy ridden armadillo, or mountain lion with the Black Death.

Qin Su: Well, at least the mountain lion could inflict some damage. Use it like a poison delivery system, like an anthrax letter to secretly infect people.

Meng Yao: [patient teacher tone] ‘A mountain lion is to an anthrax letter, like a koala is to a…?’

Qin Su: [mock frustration] Oh, man, I know this one….

Mo Xuanyu: 'I can't come into school today, I got attacked by a mountain lion.'

Qin Su: [acting concerned] 'Oh my God, are you okay? Are you gonna have scars?'

Mo Xuanyu: 'Worse. The Plague .'

Jin Zixuan:  Okay, glad we got our animal infections all sorted out--back to what we were talking about. So, riddle me this--

[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [delighted, Riddlemancer voice] Rrrriddle Me Piss, kids--!

[crosstalk] Meng Yao & Qin Su: NO!

[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: Oh my god --

Mo Xuanyu: [laughing] I don't actually have anything today--

[crosstalk] Meng Yao: A blessing .

Mo Xuanyu: --but I'll get you next time.

Jin Zixuan: No, I need to know, genuinely, this is not a bit-- why do you think A-Yao scarier than me?

Qin Su: I mean, what's not scary about a smooth brained bear full of toxins and chlamydia?

Meng Yao: [disgruntled] Uh huh.

Mo Xuanyu: Technically, they’re not bears, they're marsupials! And I think Yao-gege is more of an armadillo--hard on the outside--

[slight crosstalk] Qin Su: --And full of leprosy on the inside. 

Meng Yao: [further from mic, keyboard tapping] 'And to Mo Xuanyu...and Qin Su...I leave... absolutely nothing, except...this bag of dog shit and...spiders…..'

[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [laughing]

[crosstalk] Qin Su: Awww, A-Yu, we're being written out of his will again!

Jin Zixuan: Listeners, am I wrong? Am I crazy? He’s the size of a toddler--

[slight crosstalk] Meng Yao: [still away from mic, keyboard tapping] ‘And to Jin Zixuan...I leave--’

Jin Zixuan: He looks like a sugar glider baby that got turned into a human man--

[slight crosstalk] Meng Yao: ‘This box...of useless...tetanus filled screws….’

Qin Su: Da-ge--

[crosstalk] Meng Yao: ‘--that i...encourage him to use…--’

[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [snickering]

Meng Yao: ‘As acupuncture needles.’ There. Sent to the notary. Now, what were we talking about, again?

Qin Su: Da-ge, all those things might be true--

[crosstalk] Meng Yao: [flatly] Wow.

Qin Su: But here’s a test. What would you do to someone picking on A-Yu in school?

Jin Zixuan: [immediate, sounding businesslike and slightly aggressive] I would contact their parents and set up a meeting with the school officials and make it very clear that they are never to do that again.

Qin Su: [grinning] Okay. Yao-gege, what would you do to someone picking on A-Yu in school?

Meng Yao: [calmly] Absolutely nothing you could prove in a court of law.

Mo Xuanyu: [bursts out laughing]

[crosstalk] Qin Su: I mean--

[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: Uhhhh--

Qin Su: You see? Also-- [quick sing-song voice] 🎵 This is a joke, for legal reasons, this is a joke 🎵 [normal voice] He’s got that--that--

[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [lingering laughter] Yeah, it's that menace. Da-ge, you’re like--you’re like if a duckling--okay, you remember when I brought you to Hot Topic? You were like a duckling at a Death Metal concert.

Jin Zixuan: [defensively] The music was so loud--

[crosstalk] Meng Yao: [pityingly] Oh, Zixuan.

Qin Su: You're like if a golf course got turned into a human. 

Meng Yao You're what would happen if you gave mac and cheese a social security card and keys to a lamborghini.

Jin Zixuan: [unamused] Okay.

Mo Xuanyu: [laughing] You're the lightly salted almonds of people. 

Qin Su: You're like a wholesome Hallmark movie fucked the concept of the suburbs.

Jin Zixuan: [unamused] Sure. Sure.

Meng Yao: You emanate the peril of a box of lethargic kittens.

Jin Zixuan: Wow. My own family. This is coming from the physical manifestation of a My Chemical Romance song--

[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: [smug] You say that like it’s a bad thing.

Jin Zixuan: -- and the woman who cries at the Land Before Time every time she watches it. I think this is a case of glass houses, here. Let ye who are intimidating... 

Qin Su: Oh, so we’re not roasting Yao-gege back?

Meng Yao: Not sure how me being compared to a STD riddled marsupial for about 5 minutes straight escaped your notice, A-Su, but alright. 

Jin Zixuan: I feel that you are all being...heinously short sighted, here. Are you seriously trying to tell me that A-Yu is scarier than me, a full grown man?

Meng Yao: I would certainly be more warranted in my concern about him stabbing me than I would about you.

Mo Xuanyu: Oh my God, gege, that was like 5 years ago and I already said I was sorry--

[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: [loudly] What--

[crosstalk] Qin Su: Did we actually help this person? I mean--

Mo Xuanyu: We always help, jiejie.

[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: Hold on--

Qin Su: We learned a lot about exactly how disturbing the animal kingdom is, but….

[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: No, go back--

[slight crosstalk] Meng Yao: Dress like a middle aged accountant, share minion memes on Facebook, and buy your son a puppy so you have an excuse to talk to the dog and not people. There you go. Done.

Jin Zixuan: No, rewind--Xuanyu, you stabbed our brother? 

[brief silence]

Qin Su: [brightly] Well, that's going to do it for us today, folks--!

Jin Zixuan: A-Yu!

[crosstalk] Mo Xuanyu: It was only a little!

Jin Zixuan: How can you stab someone a little ?! 

[crosstalk] Qin Su: Thank you so much for listening in this week--

Jin Zixuan: With what ? Why?!

Mo Xuanyu: It honestly wasn’t that bad, he made it sound like--

[crosstalk] Jin Zixuan: That's not an answer --

[crosstalk] Meng Yao: [begins laughing]

Jin Zixuan: A-Yao--!

[crosstalk] Meng Yao: [still laughing]

Qin Su: [brightly]  We hope you enjoyed our enlightening romp, here! We want to thank Sister Sledge for the use of the song We Are Family. A-Yu, how about that last Yahoo?

[crosstalk] Meng Yao: [farther from mic, clearly grinning] Ohhh, boy. 

Mo Xuanyu: Okay, okay--anonymous Yahoo Answers user asks….[exaggerated, desperate voice] ‘I can’t afford a freezer. Where do I put my deer meat?’

[Outro music begins quietly]

Qin Su: [laughs] I’m Qin Su.

Jin Zixuan: [sighs, disgruntled] I’m Jin Zixuan.

Meng Yao: [grinning] I’m Meng Yao.

Mo Xuanyu: [sheepish] I’m Mo Xuanyu.

Qin Su: And this has been My Brothers, My Sister, And Me! Thank you to everyone, see you next week and remember; send your trash dad straight to jail!

[fideidefenswhore]

Charles could also behave badly in private. When he discovered in 1517 that his older sister Eleanor was in love with a courtier, he forced her to appear before a notary and make a formal deposition renouncing her lover and promising to obey her brother in all things; the following year he forced her to marry an uncle more than twice her age. In 1530 he ordered that Tadea, one of three illegitimate daughters, should receive a permanent 'mark on her right leg above the knee' (at best a tattoo, at worst a brand mark); and three years later he negotiated a marriage contract between his 11-year-old niece Christina of Denmark and a man four times her age, with the right to consummate the union immediately.

Emperor: A New Life of Charles (Parker, Geoffrey)

[brandyllyn]

brandy baby how are you doing?? i feel like I haven't checked in recently. I hope every thing is good! -- nostalgia

Girl it has been a TIME.

My pup died in October.

My best friends grandma (who she is closer to than I am to my parents) passed in November so I had a last minute trip to NYC.

For real, I got the call at 7p and was on a plane by 10p.

Sprained my ankle this last Thursday. It swole up to about three times reg sized. It's normal now but I have some AMAZING BRUISES. (I'll put them under a cut below.)

Waiting to hear back from a federal job. Was supposed to be last week but now they're saying closer to end of December.

But I also took and passed my notary exam so now I can not only draft legal documents but notarize them for you.

Add to that about a hundred and nine ideas I haven't had time to write because (see above). It has been frustrating and a lot.

Thanks for asking. I needed to get that off my chest.

The tattoo is the Chrysler Building (my besties favorite building in NYC) and her signature. Many moons ago I had an artist to a painting of the NYC skyline and then used the same vectors to make the tattoo. So she has the painting and I have the tattoo.

[karatam]

Dani x Jamie headcanons

sarah--tonin asked:

what are some of your favorite bly manor and/or hill hosue headcanons? (i love reading other people's hc's haha)

lol I don’t even know where to start tbh

a lot of my best ones have been sent to novel_concepts as prompts and used in discussion of prompts, so you can see echoes of my headcanons in some of her fic

warning, a bunch of these are sad and I can’t divulge some bc they might actually be used soon-ish

1. a particular fave of mine, Jamie taking photos of Dani (knowing somewhere in the back of her mind that someday this might be all she has left of Dani)

Like, there are the group photos (faces smushed together with friends and smiling widely), there are a few more formal ones for like passports and events (shoulders back and smiles a little stiff, bodies positioned a little further apart than usual), there are touristy ones (sunglasses on and arms spread open wide in front of the Eiffel Tower, at the Grand Canyon, at the Empire State Building)

And then there are these ones. Ones that no one but Jamie has ever seen (Dani gets a little embarrassed and doesn't want to look). Ones that show the dark smoky look Dani gets sometimes late at night after a glass of wine. Ones that show the constellation of freckles along her shoulder blades. Ones that show her lips a little wet and swollen from kisses. Ones that show the Dani that is just for Jamie

2. Jamie is terrible at math. This is connected to my “Dani does the taxes and all accounting” headcanon

Dani has a will all written out that she updates at least once a year.  She ducks from Jamie's notice to go and visit a lawyer or notary every few months. She mentioned it once and the look on Jamie's face broke her heart, so she kind of did it in secret from then on.  Dani has always been the one to handle their books, so she just sometimes says she's visiting their accountant and Jamie lets her keep up the pretense

A grieving Jamie having to file their taxes, blinking back the tears at just how often "Danielle Clayton" appears on all the paperwork, her loopy signature at the end of every document

alternately, a frantic Jamie calling up Owen like "I'm doing our taxes and we either owe the government a million dollars or possibly they owe us half a million dollars, and neither of those seem right but I hate math"

3. Jamie nearly kills her plants after Dani is taken

it's thanks to Owen that the plants survive for the first time in her adult life, Jamie cannot bring herself to care for all the plants growing in their apartment or store. the dark earth feels like it's a dark stain on her skin, the edges of leaves like sharp razors, the fragrant blooms nauseating

she doesn't touch the watering can, doesn't tend to brittle roots, doesn't trim overgrowing branches

she just lets it all go, because Dani, her moonflower, is gone and never coming back and this is all Jamie has to show for it and it's not enough

Owen walks in to see that carefully tended engagement plant spilt on the ground in a broken pot by the door, Jamie sobbing in the bedroom. He carefully picks it up and places it in a bowl on the kitchen table, scooping the soil in with his hands.

4. Jamie never sees a ghost (barring Hannah), but she spends the rest of her life searching for one

5. Dani being unable to control herself while Jamie is in fix-it mode

the jeep conks out somewhere in Colorado and Jamie goes to work on the engine on the side of the road, sleeves shoved up to her elbows, tendons and muscles in her forearms standing out in sharp relief as she gets to work. Dani is only able to watch this for maybe 15 minutes before she grabs Jamie and pulls her (only slightly protesting) into the back seat. Dani ends up with grease stains all up her thighs and back, but it was totally worth it

you’re all very welcome for prompting that 5 things fic of novel’s

6. Dani was subconsciously waiting for their relationship to be legally recognized so that if she dies, Jamie will be known legally as her wife and all that entails

7. Jamie has tattoos (I’ve posted this before)

She has flowers mostly.

A edelweiss bloom (courage, devotion) on her left bicep, the first type of flower she cultivated in her prison work term.

A sprig of bluebells (constancy) on her right ankle, like the ones that used to grow outside her childhood home, the one spot of beauty she can remember.

A daffodil (rebirth) on her forearm that she got when she got out, symbolizing a kind of rebirth.

An ever growing vine of climbing roses up her back, a new bloom added whenever someone manages to sneak into her heart. last count was 7: five pink (happiness), one a dark crimson (mourning) and one a vibrant red (love)

And then, delicate on her wrist, a white moonflower

I think she gets the moonflower while Dani is with her, and Dani is constantly tracing its shape with her fingertips, often without even noticing, and it makes Jamie’s heart clench a little bit in her chest every time

After, she lines the red rose with dark crimson, but doesn’t fill it in all the way. because for as much as she mourns, she also still loves

8. Dani realizing she likes hickeys

with Eddie it always felt like a mark of possession, of something he wanted displayed to the rest of the world to show his ownership of her. and she didn't even enjoy the process of him giving her hickeys, it just kind of hurt a bit

but now, as she wakes up and sees a faint red mark below her jaw, she can't help but smile as she remembers exactly how Jamie was losing control when she bit down a little harder than usual

again, just read novel’s fic, it’s so good

9. Complete crack: they meet at a D&D game.

Jamie is the reluctant DM (she says reluctant, but she also has multiple maps drawn out already), Owen the cleric, Hannah the ranger, Flora the sorcerer, Miles the wizard, Henry is a barbarian and has no idea how to play, Rebecca the warlock. Dani joins when invited by Flora (her favourite student) and decides to be a paladin.

10. Why they don’t get a pet

Jamie's greatest fear is a cat getting into their apartment and then slowly and meaningfully knocking every single potted plant off its shelf/table/ledge and onto the floor, all while making direct eye contact with Jamie