#tbh its really late at night and i cant tell if this is good or funny or if it even makes sense BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE IT ANYWAYYYYYY

[ashleshascendant]

SYNASTRY / COMPOSITE

yall help me 😭 im embarrassing myself here 🤕 so theres this guy that im talking with lately and tbh hes not exactly my physical type ? but he kinda makes me feel thingsss. but goddd we alws clash. debates, arguments etc. i feel like hes easily triggered ? also that he projects a lot on me but doesnt realise it. i tell him, “ure not in the wrong, im not either- its just were different.” lmao. we def have diff communication styles. he doesnt rly get my humour too. vice versa. i find his lame. anyways i dont think were compatible but god he kinda idk somehow turns me on lmao. i blamed it on my periods n all but i cant really deny it lmao. he definitely gets on my nerves. hes annoying ugh. he also admits that he likes getting on my nerves. but i oddly find myself wanting to talk w him despite all thAt. we kinda talk evry night so maybe its just bc its kind of become like a part of my routine ? idk but i gotta say, when things get kinda good- theyre p good ? but whn theyre bad, theyre bad. like i feel like blocking him and putting an end to everything. just now too, we were kinda talking good in the beginning but then that man got annoying and he so easily gets triggered man. ih8 how hes so sensitive. i dont even explain myself anymore lmao, ijust ignore it and jump to another thing.

anyways, now i need to know just what the heck is going on in our charts ? does he find me attractive ? ( physically lol ) is this attraction / underlying attraction (?) lmao i feel, mutual ? whether he feel turned on too or is it just me lmao. please if this aint mutual, im gonna ghost n block is2g. also he keeps asking me out on a date, i always reject ofc. do yall think i should give this a try or just let it finish here. o and idk if this means anything, but ithink he finds my hands attractive ? lol. o and another question that i hv, is he attracted to my voice ? he also wants to talk on call n all but i deny lol. im curious.

im the capricorn. he’s scorpio.

[sturniccz]

Pretty boy

Chris Sturniolo smut. If you dont like it, leave.

slightly inspired by a request i received, but not fully because im not comfortable writing the full request, this is what yall get😭😭💕

Warnings: nothing crazy tbh, mommy kink, sumbissive chris, slight age gap, oral, fem receiving, swearing, lmk if i missed anything!

not proofread, feel free to send requests!

___________________🎀__________________

Being best friends with your older brothers, coworker does have its perks, but at times like these, when all Chris wants to feel is love, He swears he would do anything. He has never really been into relationships, or any kind of love feeling other than the love he has for his family, but as for y/n, Justin‘s coworker at his new location for his job, he has discovered a new feeling that he has never felt before, which somehow scares him.

Every time he’s with Justin, y/n is there also. After a significant amount of time of knowing each other, they have grown to be very close with each other, regardless of their age gap. With Chris being freshly 20 years, old, and Laila, being 25, it almost feels illegal to have such feelings for her. But he didn’t care, all he wanted was to make her feel good. Thats what she deserves.

Another night crept upon Chris and he cant help but feel the absence of her not being in the house like usual. After some thought, he decided to send her a message politely asking her to come over. Regardless of her being so hesitant, he insisted, and eventually she caved.

After about 15 minutes there was three soft knocks at the front door, and Chris quickly jumped up, walking to the front of the house to greet her. He was excited, and it was obvious from the slight tent in his sweatpants.

“Hey Chris, how are you doing? Why did you want me to come over so late?” she breathes. “Its only 10,” he replies, “and plus im your favorite co-workers little brother, right?” he asks, only half serious, trying to keep a conversation going. “Well, I suppose I dont know any boys better than you.” She chuckles.

This caused Chris to freeze. He began to get lost in his thoughts, staring at her as she makes her way into the kitchen, grabbing herself a drink and getting comfortable on the couch. Chris makes his way over to sit next to her, noticing that she’s significantly keeping her distance from him.

“Do you wanna watch a movie?” she quietly suggests, almost as a way to erase some of the deafening silence between the two. “U-uh sure, you can pick.” He stutters. She chuckles at his remark. “You sure you’re alright pretty boy?” she laughs, an inside joke, of course she didn’t mean it whenever she calls him pretty boy, but she is completely unaware of the affect it has on the boy. Physically.

“Yeah it’s nothing just put on whatever you want” he says, trying his best to just end this painfully flirty conversation in fear of her noticing his boner.

Not even ten minutes pass by and Chris can’t seem to keep his eyes off of her. She’s so gorgeous its almost unreal, as if shes a genuine angel that got lost on the way to heaven. Her hair is so perfect the way it rests across her shoulders, and the way her necklace looks laying against her collarbones. He could look at her forever, but he couldn’t, he might just die from getting so horny.

“Alright why are you staring at me? Do i have something on my face?” She snaps, not meaning to startle him, but still coming across as angry. He loved it.

“No, sorry.” He breathes as he reverts his attention back to the film on the screen. Less than ten seconds later he’s staring again. “Alright Chris stop doing that.” She says, using the same tone as before and somehow getting even deeper under his skin. “O-okay, i’m sorry,” he says looking into his lap, “i just think you’re pretty.” he finishes. “You think im pretty? Chris you’ve hardly ever spoken to be before why are you telling me this?” she questions, slightly confused and slightly turned on. “I just wanna make you feel special, wanna show you love, wanna be good for you. Am i good for you?” he blurts out, hardly thinking.

She is completely stunned by his words, but chooses to play along, with the boy now laying his head and shoulders in her lap. “Of course. You’re good for me Chrissy, always.” she says looking down at him, playing with his hair. “Do you wanna show me how good you can be? Show me how much you love me, baby?” she says as he slowly sits up, looking at her in the eyes. “Y-Yeah? You mean it?” he asks, a bit hesitant about what he had said. She nods.

“Be a good boy for mommy and touch me, yeah?” She is completely in control. Chris is practically at her mercy at the moment, and he is fucking loving it. Chris lets out a small whine as he begins trailing his hand down her torso, stopping just above her waistband. He looks at her for a nod pf approval one last time before finally making his way down her body.

After quickly removing her leggings, he leaves a long trail of wet, open mouthed kisses from the crook of her neck all the way down to her panties. He licks a stripe from the bottom to the top of her pussy over the pink, lace fabric, stopping right at her heat. Her hand slowly makes its way to his hair, slightly pushing down. “Go ahead baby, show mommy how much you love her.” She’s good at this. Really fucking good. So good that Chris begins riding the fabric of the couch he was previously sat on, trying to get any amount of friction he could.

He loved eating pussy. So much so that he didn’t even consider any foreplay, he went straight in, tongue fucking the older girl, looking straight into her eyes. “Oh fuck, Chris! God your mouth is amazing-“ she cuts herself off with a moan as he slips a finger into her. “God- Fuck, Chris!” she moans biting her lip. “Good boy, baby, such a good boy for me. Keep going baby you’re doing so good-“ she says looking down at him as he lets out a guttural moan at the names.

Chris is a slut for praise. Her fingers curled in his scalp as he adds another finger, in hopes of getting more praise from her, now curling upwards. “Fuck, yes right there! Oh god-“ she says arching her back. Chris removes his mouth, replacing it with his thumb temporarily. “You’re so pretty mommy, I can never get enough of you.” he says leaving kisses to the inside of her thighs before returning to her heat. “Fuck Chris- Im gonna cum! Gonna cum on your fingers, yeah, baby? You gonna be a good boy and l-let me cum on your hand?” she says stuttering and arching her back. He nods in agreement, remaining eye contact before her eyes squeezed shut and she threw her head back. Letting out the sluttiest moans and whimpers, she finally finishes on Chris’ fingers, watching as he pulls them out and placing them into his mouth, sucking off the juices.

“God thats hot.” she admits. “You calling me a good boy is hot for fucks sake.” he breathes. “You want me to take care of you?” She asks, looking at the obvious bulge in Chris’ sweats. “No, I just wanna sleep. M’tired” Chris says before snuggling into her space between her neck and her chest. “Okay Chrissy, you get some sleep. You did good for me, love.” She says as she watches his breathing steady and him slowly drift off into a deep, very much needed sleep.

Lmk if you want to be removed from my tag list, ive just composed a few people like my mutuals etc

Tags: @daddyslilchickenfingers @apclyptc @byerreddue @chrisenthusiast @christophersfilm @ciarasturn1 @christinarowie332 @lovingmattysposts @mangosrar @oversturn @plasticferal @recklesssturniolo @softsturn @sturnsbaby @sturniolosluvv @sturniscz

[hearts4sungie]

HOW EACH SKZ MEMBER TREATS YOU AS THEIR BFF

you’re friends with stray kids but which friend in the group are they?

BANG CHAN ✩

the supportive friend

• encourages you whenever you need it

• both lean on each other the most

• on your best and worst days, he’s there for you to hug.

• thats not all! you both are lunch date buddies!!

• you guys take turns on choosing where to eat and who pays (though he insists he should)

• the lunch dates are a good way to make sure each of you are eating everyday

• you also bring him snacks and drinks when he’s overworking himself at the studio

LEE KNOW ✩

the teasing friend (act surprised)

• teases you 24/7

• its his way of showing he’s comfortable with you

• teases you extra hard on days he feels you’re not paying attention to him :(

• you throw light jabs back (but tbh you like to give him the illusion that he has the upper hand)

• uses his humor to make you feel better on bad days or when you’re in an uncomfy situation

• minho secretly likes it because of the pout you always give

CHANGBIN ✩

the flirty friend

• has the biggest platonic crush on you

• sneaks a compliment in almost conversation

• there isnt a time when you and the boys go out that changbin isnt wrapping his arms around your waist

• you enjoy it (hello?? ofc you do, binnie is so hot and sweet)

• you like to flirt back but ultimately get too shy

• he’s the friend who helps you escape bad dates or people uncomfortably flirting with you

• #1 yn protector

HYUNJIN ✩

the gossipy friend

• whether its on the phone, facetime or in person.. you guys are telling each other the DRAMA.

• the rest of skz hate when you guys are next to each other bc you guys cant stop gossiping

• as you guys should!! hyunjin just knows too much idol drama! and you want in!

• even have code names for people, including the rest of skz

• you guys also stay up late binging kdramas

• hyunjin insisting the only way you guys can comfortably watch kdramas is if you cuddle

• bestest best friends

HAN JISUNG ✩

the fun friend

• if you need to feel stress-free, its jisung you go to, vice versa.

• you’re each others happy pills

• inside jokes for dayssss

• the members are lowkey jealous that you and jisung have so many inside jokes

• watching anime and playing mobile games is a must between you two

• jisung loves that he’s who makes you this happy

• feels prideful and brags about it to the boys

• “i took y/n out.. again. we had sooo much fun”

• “whatever you say, jisung”

• have a secret handshake with each other

FELIX ✩

cuddle buddy

• you know that friend you have where you can act however you want with? free of judgement? thats him.

• “where’s felix” “probably latching on to y/n”

• being in lix’s arms brings the fuzziest feeling to you

• felix loves skinship so whenever you ask him for cuddles, he gets excited

• you have a special message you text if you ever feel like cuddling and he’s not there

• 🧸?

• you always have open arms for lix too

SEUNGMIN ✩

“we hate each other but not really” friend

• this ongoing facade you and seungmin have is what makes your friendship special

• banter is how you guys express your love

• “get away, you smell”

• “that not what you said when you were hugging me last night, seungmin”

• “i hugged you because you begged”

• after every offhand comment, there’s a smile placed on both your faces

JEONGIN ✩

hype man

• “jeongin can you tell me how this outfit looks”

• will hype you up and make you feel the best

• jeongin loves making you feel good about yourself

• takes you shopping and never lets you pay

• lets you borrow his clothes

• you also hype him up before award show or concert

• you help jeongin not be insecure about how he may sing or dance

• “thanks, y/n. love you”

pssst you can send requests whenever. hope you enjoyed!

[oniikabuto]

hiii! could i request some eric cartman and Jimmy head canons with a super motherly reader? i love ur writing

synopsis: reader is such a mom friend,,......

characters: eric cartman, jimmy valmer

a/n: oh man i am not a mom friend i hope i did u justice

notes: gender neutral reader who acts kinda sweet and motherly but also a lil protective 😭

— ⛧ e. cartman

he talks a lot. all the time. about everything.

and you listen patiently about everything

he chatters on and on

and you're always listening about his shenanigans

"you did what? that isn't safe, eric!"

once you found out he didn't know how to do math

like at ALL

you helped him, to his disdain

"no, don't you get it? i can just copy tolkien's papers!"

"well, what're you gonna do if tolkien isn't in your class anymore? or if they put you in the front of the classroom? here, i'll show you."

patiently explaining polynomials over and over, never getting short with him

it goes over his head

but he just enjoys being in the library with you tbh

also the way you keep snacks in your backpack and let him go through it

he loves you, man

and he loves his cheesy poofs

"y/n, i'm hungry!"

"smallest pocket on the outside of my backpack", you say, not looking up from your homework.

"fuck yeah."

"don't say that"

"fuck yeah!"

sigh

he's so vulgar. like yeah you swear sometimes when it matters but like?? in public?? all the time???

you've learned to read his face

whenever you feel he might say something stupid in class, you look over at him and give him a disapproving face

he glances over, looks away,

its so hard for him but he doesnt say it. he cant just look at your face and then blurt it out...

the whole class silently thanks you for that

keeping cartman tame is like. the best thing anyone could ask for

he loves you so mucj

— ⛧ j. valmer

you're always the first person he goes to when he wants to tell a new joke.

he pulls out a list and reads them out

and you laugh at all of them!

it makes him so so happy to have you listen to them

even if some of the jokes are really really stupid

you always walk him to his classes and wait by his locker after the bell rings so that you can walk to the bus with him

he lost his pencil again?? no problem

you pull out a perfectly sharpened one with a brand-new eraser.

you're such a lifesaver

whenever he gets a papercut, you've got a band aid in the blink of an eye.

sometimes he likes to text you in the middle of the night about random shit like

j: y/n

j: guess what i just found out?

j: the "why did the chicken cross the road" joke is like... the chicken died. the "other side" is heaven

you: jim it's like two in the morning

you: go to sleep, you're going to have to get up early tomorrow. plus we have a quiz in history

you: goodnight jimmy sleep well!

genuinely worries you when he's up at ass o'clock in the morning like??? are you okay???

he assures you it's no big deal but you still want to make sure he's getting enough sleep ofc

he really loves the way you take such good care of him though

like??? the way you'll give up your jacket in the slushy chunks of snow when the bus is late and he starts shivering

and how you always have a phone charger in your backpack for him

[sun-stricken]

Some ideas for you! Take your pick!

Gray frequents the infirmary the most. In one of my ideas lately, after thinking about iced shell, maybe ice make makes the body a bit more…prone to cracking? Maybe he bruises easy and gets a lot of head wounds. It’s why he’s always in bandages longer. I like the idea of Porlyusica getting sick of him.

Team Natsu/the guild/slayers taking care of him, even when he doesn’t realise it. (Against pervs, against himself, maybe people are a bit racist (with him being not from Fiore).

Gray gets sad sometimes and dissociates.

Gray has night terrors so he has sleeping pills, but on missions he also has caffeine tablets to keep him awake so he doesn’t have terrors around them. Safe to say, they aren’t happy when they find this.

Lucy asks Gray about where he’s from, traditions etc, and the guild realises he might be homesick so they secretly try to learn things for him. (Over the years they’ve picked up swear words (Gray doesn’t realise he’s doing it and they’ve never told him))

Gray’s actually quite touch starved. His body temperature is cold so most people stay away/ don’t touch him (but don’t realise they’re doing it). The only one who can stand is Natsu because of his magic. Maybe it gets worse after becoming a slayer.

…also do you take spicy requests?

you cant just give me all these amazing concepts and tell me to pick☹️ i will do a little for all of them if it kills me

Also yes! i absolutely do take nsfw requests! feel free to ask me anything! im surprised it took so long to ask me that tbh

there is a lot here so vv

1.

* Hes the single reason why the guild infirmary is always having to restock

* Due to Grays multiple usages of iced shell some of his body did turn to ice, most sections of his bones, it looks like a normal bones but it acts like ice, which means hes more likely to break a bone

* unfortunately, its not like a normal broken bone for obvious reasons. itll splinter and have hairline cracks all over the bones before it breaks.

* It takes less time to heal than a normal break, he just has to get it wrapped and limit his usage of his magic so it can ‘heal’ (as in, ice it over again) the breaks and cracks. It takes less time to heal and also less pressure to break, win lose situation tbh

* Which is also why head wounds are especially dangerous for him, skull fractures are more common for him than anyone would like, which is to say any at all

* His external body temperature is low and causes him to bruise like a peach, getting a friendly slap on the back can cause him to bruise for weeks, especially from Erza

* bro hasnt gone a day without a bruise in like ten years

* Hes been dragged to Porlyusica so many times now that anytime she sees him (on the field, in her office, even completely out of context and hes not visibly injured) its like second nature to check him out first

* if she could go a month, or even just two weeks! without seeing him she might consider changing her views on humanity (probably not but its the thought that counts)

* Also Gray has small sections of what people think is frostbite on his hands and feet. It doesnt hurt or limit him at all but theyre there, showed up some time post devil slayer magic

* ALSO! His blood runs slower and is darker due to his low body temperature, causes him only the vaguest of problems but its a thing (this is common in most powerful ice wizards)

2.

* Gray likes to pretend hes good at taking care of himself, but hes not hes really not

* Luckily he has a lot of nosy and protective friends thatll do it for him (in their own ways)

* Natsu literally temperature exploding some guys glass at a bar when he got wayyyy too friendly and handsy with Gray

* they were kicked out but he was really proud of himself

* Rogue drawing shadows towards Gray if he needs to sleep and its too bright, or Sting creating a warm light beam when its dark out and Gray wants to embrace his inner cat and sleep in a sunbeam

* Wendy checking him over first bc she knows hes one of the people who wouldnt ask for help if he was injured

* hes had multiple people physically remove him from fights/training sessions because he was visibly pushing himself way too hard

* Part of the reason Gray learned Fioren so fast was because he was sick of people looking at him like he was stupid for not speaking ‘right’

* he mentioned this to the little slayer group they got goin on and from then on out they were like, hella hyper vigilant with anything that could make him insecure like that again

3.

* It really scared him the first couple times he did it, it still does. He hates losing time

* It started happening during his time with Ur, he cant remember a lot of it, training, blink, fighting, blink, training, blink, training, you get the idea

* It doesnt happen often, and he tried not to think of it past the point of trying to get it to stop

* Its happens often when hes highly stressed but theres no immediate physical threat, his brain doesnt understand whats going on or why its so stressed but knows he doesnt need to physically protect himself yet so it mentally protects him (if that makes sense), usually when hes alone, or when a threat is gone

* he confided in Erza about this once, and now more times than not when he ‘wakes up’ shes there talking to him

* only part he feels is good about it is that it makes him exhausted and lets him sleep easier

* He doesn’t usually dissociate often, not that he has much of a choice, if he did it wouldnt happen at all, but it was a lot worse when he was younger, his memories of early fairy tail are all blurry and he felt like he was on autopilot even when he was ‘awake’

* he hates it

4.

* After his team found out abt his vast array of pharmaceuticals they were so confused and concerned and probably borderline paranoid, because who needs that many medications for one person??

* Gray had been taking sleeping pills at a high enough dose to let him have a dreamless sleep for so long that most over the counter brands dont actually work on him

* but he kept all the old bottle that didnt work just in case he got desperate to sleep and they suddenly magically worked again

* The caffeine tablets were self explanatory after seeing all the sleeping meds, but he also (unwillingly) admitted he takes them on missions so he wouldnt wake them if he had a nightmare, and also for days when they were especially bad so he could go long enough without sleep hed just crash and sleep with no issues. Canr have a nightmare if you dont sleep

* His team was also extremely unimpressed by these explanations

* Erza and Natsu (and also Happy) strong armed him into going to Porlyusica for actual helpful solutions since he refused to go to his actual doctor

* While Lucy and Wendy disposed of the full fucking pharmacy (seriously, he coulda started a business or smth) he had in his bedroom

* For some odd reason he felt lighter and less moody when he was on actual helpful medication and was getting genuine rest

* how strange

* and if his team checks his house for another pharmacy in the making thats nobodies business but theirs

* Also Erza tried to ban Gray from caffeine while on a quest , or at least limit it, but he looked at her like she was absolutely batshit crazy to the point she got embarrassed and had to retract the ban

* But she will tie him to the bed to make him sleep on quests if she has to

5.

* The first time Lucy asked where Gray was from was before Galuna, he ended up giving her a shady answer and redirecting the question to her (reminder, before galuna, before phantom lord) which she ended up also being a bit cagey about so she let it go

* But Lucy is nosy (endearing) by nature, so she asked if he had any different holiday type traditions sometime after Galuna, and to the surprise of, well, literally everyone, he did and gave examples

* which lead down a rabbit hole of the guild fretting a bit abt how to make him comfortable (even though hed been with them for a decade) bc he mentioned he used to be really homesick the first couple years, and sometimes still is

* Most the guild still had no clue where he was from so they were really just running in circles for awhile

* Levy tried to figure it out from the time he accidentally dropped, what she assumed to be colorful curse words, random foreign language bits

* didnt really work but she tried

* so for months he was bombarded with ‘subtle’ questions about his hometown and its culture, which got shut down most the time

* Thats not to say he didnt give them anything, he gave them enough that they were incorporated into existing traditions and holidays they already celebrated

* it was a very sweet gesture that Gray absolutely did not tear up at, so shut up—

6.

* Gray is the most touch starved fool on the planet. ive always loved the idea of him liking touch a lot

* He grew up in a pretty affectionate family, his parents were always around to ruffle his hair, or hug, or hold his hand, or carry him, they were just very physically affectionate and he enjoyed it

* With it made him nauseous, guilty really, because Ur and Lyon were also physically affectionate but it wasnt them, it wasnt his family

* Also it was plain uncomfortable at times, part of learning ice magic was to almost numb himself to cold, but in the beginning numbed him to everything and it became uncomfortable to be touched because it was tingly and it hurt

* Early Fairy Tail he was completely closed off, couldnt stand being touched, didnt want to get cozy and make friends because he planned to leave anyways.

* Ice mages (Fire mages also) temperatures can fluctuate depending on how they feel, for example, if they’re experiencing negative emotions their temperature and the space around them will get colder

* and Gray used to be so angry and upset all the time, and hed just beginning to learn magic so he didnt know how to fix it yet, which caused a lot of discomfort for people.

* People didnt stay around him long because the discomfort of being too cold, and what was he gonna do about it? ask them to come back?? hell no

* So he gained a reputation and people didnt want to disrespect a volatile childs apparent boundaries so they didnt question it

* He was fine with fighting being the only real prolonged touch hed get, totally

* But Natsus got this thing about him that makes him think he can do the impossible, which includes shaking Grays world view and comfort levels

* At some point in their teens Natsu would not let go of the alleged fact that Grays didnt like being touched for some reason, so he did what he does best and pressed the issue

* it ended with Gray being a puddle in his lap while he had a crisis about everything he thought he knew about himself while Natsu celebrated his victory against him

* Its not completely public knowledge but the guild most definitely knows at least a little about how much Gray is touch starved

* he doesnt openly welcome it with open arms but if its happening and he trusts the person hes not gonna say no

* he probably gets a euphoria high from a head pat or smth

* After getting his devil slayer magic is absolutely got worse, having two powerful ice magics, one of which he was still struggling to get the hang of, in one body made it difficult to control the temperature around him, and after long enough people would start shivering if he wasnt careful

* it sucked, totally and completely sucked

* Natsu still remained unbothered and would increase his own temperature to counterbalance Grays, which helped a lot

* he still gets all up in Grays space no matter how much Gray tell him to fuck off, he knows he needs it

[softhairedhotch]

DUDEEEE HELLO??:!:!::&: PLEASE I LOVE YOU, YOUR WONDERFUL BRAIN N UR RESPONSES???!! like sometimes i think damn my thoughts r sooooo filthy i wonder if anyone would even feel the same like am i crazy :-///.... THEN UR REPLIES JUST FUELS ME EVEN MORE ARGHRHHHHH LIKE??? im so glad we have the same brain like damn... i love talking abt him hehe rly.. thank u for entertaining my thoughts n making it even more amazing <333 also i hope u are feeling better now!!! 🫂🫂 tbh i feel the same bc the idea of aaron has made me feel better so many times n it's years since i started liking him :-(((( fr i never ever regret starting this show n falling in love w him 😭😭😭

"imagine just sitting there with him fully inside you, tie in your mouth, head on his broad shoulder, one of his big warm hands occasionally rubbing up and down your back as you hear the other write away" ‼️‼️‼️ PLEASEEEE omfg he'd feel so good and he'd make you feel sooooo safe 😭😭😭 i need this so badly . being on his lap would literally make all the painful noisy thoughts in your head go silent because all you can think about and feel is him <3333 though i don't know how i'd be able actually to be quiet n not be reduced into a whimpering mess because GODDDDDD HE'S JUST SOOOO..... my god. if u do turn this into a fic i'd probably be reading it 9784953 times n manifesting it to appear in my dreams 🙏🙏

and OOOOOFFFFFFFFF cannot decide if i would want him to make a mess all over me and use his thick fingers to scoop it up and shove it into my mouth or have him cum deep in my throat ! 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 like man.... the idea of messy wet sex drives me insane like having him a panting sweaty mess 🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️ n downright filthy cum eating . like my thoughts abt it are ENDLESS n its literally a can of worms im afraid of opening-- AWOEKFJFKEKD thinking abt that episode when aaron jumps into a lake to chase an unsub n he comes out of the water all WET N THE WATER DRIPPING DOWN HIS SKIN??? I CANT REMEMBER WHAT EPISODE IT IS BUT I THINK U KNKW WHAT IM REFERRING TO???

omfggggg when he's ruthlessly riding you and jerking himself off, his chest would get soooo red and it'll feel soo nice to run your fingers down his body and literally worship every inch of him 😵‍💫 he'd look soooo pretty with little marks over his chest as you shower him with praises... thinking about praising aaron HEEEEHEHEH he'd get sooo shy n flustered the first few times but slowly he'd get used to it and literally bask in the attention n praises 😭😭

my god n i must say u rly perfected his voice n what he would say......i swear my love for aaron not only solidified my kink for suits but also... voice 😵‍💫😵‍💫🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️ like it makes me think how he'd react the first time when he realised how much power he has over you just from his voice and words alone.... like first he'd be confused why your reaction sometimes gets a lil funny but then his expression darkens when finally he realises. but he likes building up material to tease you later on so he doesn't really point it out at first but just has an amused smile.

then imagine one night being on a phone call with him as he just talks about his day and that it's pretty late at night so his voice starts getting huskier bc he's tired.... and he's just rambling about something unrelated but you feel the heat crawling up your neck because he just sounds so good . you can't help but clench your thighs and swallow your saliva. then he asks you a question but you're SO distracted that you miss it and when you finally answer him, your voice shakes. he goes silent before breaking into a low laugh because he recognises that tone of voice and picks up your breathing. "oh my, baby... i don't even need to see your face to know what's up. here am i trying to tell you about my day... but you just can't help yourself, hm? ...pathetic."

YEAHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭

- 🤲

AHHHHHHHHHH SDJFHSJDF THANK YOU hehehehehe n YEAH I GETCHA, I BE THINKING "oh GOD what if what i say is too weird???" n then you get back to me with basically the SAME THING AHHHHH i'm sooo happy we be thinking the same thoughts LMAO. and thank you sm <33

YESSSSS HE'D MAKE YOU FEEL SO SAFE FR <333 i wanna sit on his lap soooo so so much, god it'd be so good. i would love to write it as a fic tbh but i just have sooooo much to work on already UGHHH why is writing so hard and time-consumingggggg

REALLLLL I WANT BOTH !!! n oPEN THAT CAN OF WORMS RN CUM EATING IS SOOOOOOOO HOT I SWEAR DDSKFSK AHHHHH AND YES YES YE S I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT SCENE YOU'RE REFERENCING

OUGHHH HE'S SO BEAUTIFUL FUCKKK

yessss he'd looook so pretty riding youuu <33 all red and sweaty and a whimpering panting mess oughhh i love it i love him sm n yessssss i wanna praise him sooo bad. like if you praised him he just WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO but then as he gets used to it, he loooooves it and craves it ough

hehe thank you!! N YEAH VOICE KINK AND SUIT KINK GO BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR 🤭🤭 he'd get sooooo cocky knowing he has sm control over you oughhh and he'd be so proud of himself knowing he can get you to do almost anything with just his voice n pretty face

STOPPPP I'VE HAD THE EXACT SAME IDEA AND STARTED IT AS A FIC ONCE BUT NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT KSDFJK i loooooooove the idea of calling him on a case and he's just like. tired but tryna talk n his voice is sooooo deep and gravelly and it sounds so hot (bc sleepy/morning voices might be one of the best things in existence <33) and he notices you trailing off your sentences and stuttering a bit and going quiet and he just KNOWS what he's doing to you and he teases you relentlessly <33 he'd either get you all hot and bothered n then tell you that you gotta be patient and wait til he gets home orrrrrr he'll go "do you think you can show me how much of an effect i have on you, sweetheart?" and when you send him a pic he'd hum in appreciation and tell you how pretty/handsome you are and how he's gonna make you feel real good when he gets home but for now he's gonna talk you through making yourself feel good <33 maybe you can hear him letting out cute lil moans as he tells you how he wants you to touch yourself and your stomach drops when you realise he's getting off on it too and you ask him to send a pic of himself and he does and he looks sooooo good <33

also i gotta ask,,, how do you feel about daddy kinks LMAOOO bc i haven't thought about it much relating to aaron lately tbh but when i first got into him two years ago, all i could think was him saying stuff like "let daddy make you feel good, hm?" or "you wanna touch daddy?" n stuff like that,, are you into that?? i'm leaning more toward softer aaron n bottom aaron lately but godddd soft daddy dom aaron is soooooooo <333

[haknom]

MUTUAL AWARDS!!

honestly i used to want to do them sooo bad when i was actively posting on tiktok etc but never had the chance soo... EVERYBODY CHEER HERE THEY ARE!!!! *insert crowd cheering*

here are the awards for tonights show; funniest mutual(s), the one(s) i cherish most, my #1 hater, mutual that only speaks truth, best music taste (the artists we have most in common with), mutual with the best series/fics, the mutuals i look up to the most, the mutual i love hearing life stories from, and lastly, the mutuals i love being around!

let’s start off strong and go with my #1 hater !! 

lately, i’ve been getting sm HATE from my mutuals bc of the jungwon fic i am currently writing and it’s been coming from MANY of them. our nominees (by ME) for tonight are; fee, soph, rei, and diana.... It was really hard choice but. @feeeli wins the award bc tell me why SHE IS SO TOXIC DANGG like cmon bae it was never that serious 💔 we literally went from enemies to lovers so It’s an easy win tbh BUT SECOND PLACE WAS DEF REI LIKE DAMN SHES ALSO TOXIC 😭 i can say one word and i’ll get a “shut up” in response I SWEAR.

now that that little rant is over (love u both sm!!) let’s move onto the second award... the one with the longest name - best music taste (the artists we have most in common with). obviously my mutuals and i stan a lot of similar groups but there is the one mutual who literally. I js adore them for this. ANYWAYS NOMINEES FOR TONIGHT ARE moki, rei, and sia (literally gives the best song recs tbh). Really difficult to choose Once again but this award goes to... @mokiverse !! u don’t know the GASP i let out when i saw that u also love dept on ur carrd. LITERALLY NOBODY KNOWS HIMMM makes me so sad BUT DEF DESERVED THIS dept4life yall ! sia and rei have GREAT music taste esp sias song recs SHADY AND ONE NIGHT >>>> been obsessed since she gave me them!

3rd award of the night is..... funniest mutual(s)!! nominees for this one are rei, soph, flo, sona, sia, mari, diana, yen, sunny, esther, eju ema, sav, fee, and jules!!

no joke.. i wish i could js @ like every single one of my mutuals for this one bc u should see how much they make me laugh under the span of 5 minutes..

hard choice tbh and im Srs abt this one but i’ll try and limit it to at least 5 mutuals 😞 BUT ANYWAYS these 5 mutuals r like IDK They make me giggle, their comebacks r so funny and good, THEIR HUMOR?? dont get me started, and their jokes r js so good. the winners for this award areee @soov @son4taa @hanniluvi @wonieleles @eundiarys and @feeeli (again Ik) GUYS DONT BE SAD PLS if u dont win this is all for fun..... BUT REIS JOKES R SO FUNNY IDK WHY even if theyre directed at me im still gonna giggle.. SIA >>> her dn jokes when i first met her always made me laugh ESP THE CHEWING GUM ONE i forever hold onto it LMAOOO 😭 SONA AND SOPH.

theyre literally twins i swear Bc why do i let out the same three laughs whenever they make jokes. SOPHS SMAUS R SO GOOD AND HER RESPONSES TO EDITS OR REACTIONS TO THINGS LMFAOOO i saw ur reaction to that one edit soph Dont hide “eats my walls” WDYM??? 🤨 and sona is js so funny theres no reason needed. DONT EVEN TRY AND DISCREDIT HER 😒 i giggle sm its unbelievable. FEE!! double award how r u feeling bff!! ever since we met each other under esthers comment section LMAOOO ive always found u funny 😭

LIKE U SWITCHED UP SO FAST AFTER FINDING OUT I WROTE BAD NEWS?? WERENT U JS THREATENING ME A MINUTE AGO 😭😭 jules taehyun smau??? I giggle left and right I WAS LITERALLY LAUGHING AT 7:17 AM LIKE THATS HOW YK SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ME LMAOOO

okay now for the 4th award “the one(s) i cherish most” No joke. this one is literally impossible idk how i was able to narrow it down 😓😓 but todays nominees areee.........................................................JK U RLLY THOUGHT 🤣🤣🤣 i cherish every single one of my mutuals! theyre all special to me to the point where i cant even separate them into categories nor rank them. BUT ANYWAYS next award guys!

this award is called “the mutuals i look up to the most” once again! this one was acc a hard choice since i look up to everyone but if we’re going by who i admire the most / am inspired by then it’s not that bad. here are the nominees!! sona, soph, rei, sia, yun, yen, esther and sue!! the winner(s) of this award will now be announced. @soov @soobnny @amakumos @hanniluvi @son4taa @yenqa @urszn Funny how they all won the award... BUT FR! yun has been my main inspiration for starting an acc SHOCKING IKK LMAOO and when she followed me back tears formed in my eyes HELP i was so surprised tbh but i admire her sm and enjoy ALL her works! as well as sue! i love sue and when i saw that she followed me back??? i literally SCREAMED.

LIKE THE SUE FOLLOWED ME BACK?? i rarely interact with them both since yk a little too shy to do so BUT YOULL SEE ME IN UR ASK BOXES OCCASIONALLY TRUST ! soph sona yen esther and rei i love them smm IDK WHY BUT they js inspire me to write and continue series i want to discontinue LMAOO support them Now. i will appear under ur covers at night do Not test me rn. 

next award!! “the mutual i love hearing life stories from” easy win tbh. nominees r mari, raven, and rose! AND TBH everyones life stories r so entertaining to hear but theres something abt this one mutual’s life... ESP THEIR LOVE LIFE HELLO???? the winner is.... @aezrali !! LIVE LAUGH LOVE ROSE’S LIFE STORIES. YOU LITERALLY LIVE IN A DRAMAA I SWEAR the asks u used to send me always had me so intrigued no joke. PLS BRING THEM BACK 🙏 still rooting for the second lead btw 🤞

7th award tbh Why am i on a roll. “mutual that only speaks truth” Literally everything this mutual says is agreeable (UNLESS ITS ABT ME AND THIS JUNGWON FIC 😒) this is like the 3rd award this mutual won LOL but tonights nominees areee raven, rei, and soph! but the winner is @soov ! EVERYTHING U SAW ABT THIS FIC IS WRONGGGGG (idk what u say so Dont ask me.) BUT ANYWAYS rei literally speaks truth and adds humor into it SO its an automatic win tbh 🤞 never mess with rei I learned that the hard way...

second last award for tonight isss; mutual(s) with the best series/fics! i’d say i nominated all my mutuals for this one but i do have personal favorites! @amakumos @son4taa @hanniluvi @yenqa @eundiarys !! all their seires and fics r so good. Literally go support them pls 🙏🙏 you’ll see me reblogging their posts A lot. So clearly theyre good 😂

LAST AWARD GUYS!! MUTUALS I LOVE BEING AROUND ! as i said before its impossible to put my mutuals into categories like these but if i HAD to choose i’d say @taejays because they’re very comforting and fun to be around! i enjoy our little chats about fics etc 😁 @wonieleles ever since i met sia i always loved being around her! shes one of my favorite people to speak with or at least have her presence around me.

@redm4ri MY OG BFF!! when we first both joined walmart enhypen we literally connected so quickly?? unbelievable LMAOO but youre so exciting i love u sm @feeeli everyday We shall thank esther’s comment section that brought us together bff 🫶 it’s been like 3 weeks of knowing u and it felt like we’ve known each other since diapers...CRAZY RIGHT IDK WHY BUT IT SHOCKS ME EVERYTIME I THINK ABT IT i love ur company sm and our little secret gc LOLOL forever my #1 rival 🤞

@isoob MY FIRST MUTUAL ON THIS APP. everyday i wake up and i am thankful i met u! we literally fell off for like a good 10 months BUT WHO SAID THAT STOPPED OUR FRIENDSHIP 🤣 LOVE U SM EJU!! @ox1-lovesick ty for sending me that ask during math class! i literally smiled ear to ear when i saw it i was sososooso excited and happy u dont understand LMAOO but i love being around u sm LIKE its js sm fun I MISSED U SM WHILE U WERE ON BREAK THO 💔

and everyone in walmart enhypen! i cant rlly @ everyone before this becomes a whole long fic type post LMAOOO but i adore all of u guys and hope the world treats u best! i always wake up grateful that i accepted that little invite rei posted If not... this post wouldve never been this long tbh LMAOO BUT U GUYS R AMAZING AND SO SWEET I LOVE U ALL!

hopefully this wasnt THAT long PLS FOR READING AND I HOPE URE ALL HAPPY WITH THE AWARDS!! 

[mochamooncoffee]

Awake - Genshin impact x Reader

Synopsis: genshin impact character when you cant fall asleep

Warnings: none other than kinda ooc Scara

Includes: Diluc, Scaramouche

Note: tbh I didnt know what to title this. I'm thinking of making a "Jealousy" part 2, tell me who you'd like to see! ♡♡ sorry for any mistakes

Diluc

Diluc often works late into the night so he was surprised to see you still awake when he got home.

It was an exhausting day at the bar, a fight almost emerged but luckily he stopped it in time.

He was tired and his faced showed it. He was displeased with you being awake, he would scold how unhealthy it was. If you bring up how he himself always stays up late at night, he would facepalm himself and sigh.

"Love, why are you still awake?" He asked

"I couldnt fall asleep, so I figured I'd just read to become sleepy" you replied.

Diluc visibly frowned, not an upset or annoyed frown, more like worried and displeased.

"Hmm, that's not good..." he mumbled. You wanted to say something else, but before you can you felt a pair of strong arms grip your waist. Before you can register what happened, Diluc is already walking to the bedroom with you atop his shoulders.

He plopped you down and soon after changing into sleepwear played down next to you.

"Did you really have to carry me?" You scoff.

"You should rest,love"

"You're unfair, you always stay up late. Why cant I?"

"Its unhealthy" he replied "I'm tired, let's sleep?"

You werent sleepy yet, but with his cuddles you can manage. "Alright."

Scaramouche

Scara is fast asleep beside you, his slow breath and heartbeat filled the empty night. He looked so peaceful sleeping, you didnt want to wake him but your mouth called him on it's own.

Scara was fairly annoyed when you woke him up in the middle of the night, but had an indifferent look when you told him you cant fall asleep. He acted like he didnt care, he pretended that he was going back to sleep but in reality he couldn't anymore. He stayed still for a few minutes, back facing you 'til he realized you're still awake.

He sat up and rest his back on the headboard. "Cant fall asleep either" he complained. You knew he was lying, but decided you wanted to play along.

"Will you stay awake with me?" You asked.

You only received a grumble from him that made you giggle.

It was quiet for a few moments, comfortable quietness.

It wasnt until he broke the silence "Come on." He stood up from the bed and reached his hand out to you.

"Where are we going?" You question. Before he can answer you've already taken his hand.

"Let's watch the stars."

"Wow, though you didnt like romantic things?"

He didnt reply and started walking to the balcony. There, the moon was in clear view, the brights stars were spread across the dark blue sky.

While you were admiring the moon, a faint dashing light caught your eye. A shooting star!

You immediately point to it and tell Scaramouche.

"Make a wish" you tell him.

"What should I wish for?"

"Something you really want"

"I already have you, you're everything I want" he casually says.

You were dumbfounded, you didnt know how to reply. Scaramouche wasn't the type to be affectionate verbally, so his words really surprised you.

"I love you, darling" you stared into his eyes. His eyes usually filled with hatred and anger, were now soft and had love.

"I love you too." He smiled.

[quodekash]

THE EPISODE IS OUT AND IVE NOW WATCHED IT (and it took me two hours to get through as per usual) SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS

ITS TIME FOR MY COMMENTARY ON THE ENTIRE EPISODEEE (im sorry)

THEY WON HELL YES FINALLY

BUT IT WAS A DREAM

why? they like crushing our souls.

the scene of gun waking up and getting ready (having a shower, brushing his teeth) reflects the very first episode, where he had so much energy and he was preparing his speech for the juniors. And now he’s lost the biggest competition of his life so far, he’s sad, and honestly he’s lost - but not in the meaning that he didn’t win, he’s lost in the way that he doesn’t know where he is or where to go or what to do. and gmm is making me cry about the freaking passage of time which is so cliche like there are so many other things to make me cry about but instead you choose the thing that I’ve been having a mental breakdown / existential crisis over for the past three years? It feels like a personal attack tbh

THE TEACHER WAS SPEAKING IN THAI COS THEY ARE THAI PEOPLE AND THEN RANDOMLY SAID “oh man good job” IN ENGLISH AND IT WAS SO JARRING I LITERALLY FLINCHED

WIN DONT BE COLD TO YOUR BOYFRIEND WHAT THE FLIP

PORS TRYNA CHEER EVERYONE UP WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT THEM??

AND SOUND’S TRYNA GET YOU TO APOLOGISE COS YOU SAID BLOODY HURTFUL THINGS AND THEN YOU THROW YOUR ARM OUT OF HIS GRIP AND SAY “you won’t get us”, ESSENTIALLY IMPLYING THAT HE’S NOT ONE OF YOU AND HE’S NOT IMPORTANT??? THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR

AND SOUND DOESNT EVEN GO AFTER HIM

awhhhh poor Por alone in the music room by himself he needs a hug I would like to give him a hug please

Pat, I love you, I truly do, but shut up please. you’re gonna make Por freaking cry and that’ll make me cry and I’m already gonna cry enough from this episode

POR IS STANDING AT THE PIANO, HE SHOULD SING AND PLAY A SAD SONG BY HIMSELF TO LET HIS EMOTIONS OUT ON THE KEYS, TO FEEL HIS FEELS THROUGH MUSIC

BUT NO ALL HE DOES IS CRY

AND IT MAKES ME CRY

GOSHDARNNIT

“the doctor said I can go home next week!” “Don’t rush it mum. I can survive at home on my own. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” “I’m okay. But when will you get better?” THIS WOMAN ALWAYS SPEAKS THE TRUTH ONLY THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH AND I LOVE HER

“ever since I woke up, I’ve never seen you song. I usually had to tell you to quit singing.” “……..do you think dad would be disappointed in me?” “What about you? Were you disappointed in him for not being able to release his music? Listen. If we tried our best, there’s nothing to regret. I think your dad would think the same.” BRO HOW IS EVERYTHING SHE SAYS SO FREAKING QUOTABLE

AWW TINN SHOWING UP AT THE HOSPITAL TO VISIT GIM BUT HES JUST TOO LATE I LOVE HIM

OOOOO THEYRE GONNA DO THE PROM NIGHT PERFORMANCE THATS AWESOME

also side note prom night means dates means tinngun soundwin tiwpor I’m very excited

ITS FINALLY TIME FOR PHOTJANEES MENTAL BREAKDOWN OMG FINALLY IVE BEEN WAITING

“do you think we raised him well enough?” YES OFC YOU DID WHAT THE FLIP /gen

“What mistakes do you think we’ve made along the way?” Every parent makes mistakes, man, that’s the way of life, it’s a learning experience for everyone involved. But what’s important is making sure you show your child that you love them and support them and care for them and shESDONE THAT mostly I think. all the things she’s done that could be considered bad or negative were her trying to do what she thought would be best for tinn’s happiness and well-being, even if it didn’t go down that way. You made mistakes, yeah. That’s what makes you freaking human, photjanee.

OKAYOKAYOKAYOKAY TIWPOR PROBABLY HOPEFULLY AND SOUNDWIN PROBABLY HOPEFULLY AND TINNGUN PROBABLY

I was excited for this rehearsal, but win, stop it. “Just cancel this freaking band” seriously, stop. You’re being really cold right now and idk where it’s coming from but it has to stop please.

“I’m out” exCUSE ME???

THE BASS PLAYER CANT JUST QUIT

THE BASS IS THE FREAKING HEART OF THE MUSIC, THE SOUL

IF THERES BO BASS PLAYER THERES NO SOUL SO THERES NO MUSIC

okay sound is going after him it’s okay

and win was disappointed in himself so it make sense now. It’s not healthy to push your own insecurities and fears onto others to feel better, but it does explain his behaviour and hopefully he can find a better coping mechanism

EXCUSE ME WHEN THE F L I P WAS THIS ESTABLISHED??????

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW PLEASE

COULD SOMEONE PERHAPS INFORM ME OF THIS INFORMATION????

your boyfriend is being super self-hatey? Aggressively force him into a hug and let him let all his anger out while simultaneously letting him know both verbally and physically that you’re there for him and while you might not understand what he’s going through you will listen and do what you can to make him feel happy. I love these two.

its a tinngun scene next and you’ll never guess where they are

✨the freaking pool✨

AND WE GOT A SOUNDWIN SCENE, THEN A TINNGUN SCENE, THEN A TIWPOR SCENE, ALL IN QUICK SUCCESSION THIS IS AMAZING

JFJEJFHDHEHDB TIWPOR DATE TIWPOR DATE TIWPOR DATE

SIR--

AAAAAAAAAA

THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPYYYYYYY

✨oh shoot✨

por fell down the stairs and ✨broke his leg✨

I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THE WISH REDEEMING THING THANK GOODNESS I WAS SO FREAKING CONFUSED

HOW IS HE SO FREAKING POSITIVE ALL THE TIME????

“But Tinn has got a really nice voice, ma’am” gun you’re being real sus she’s about to figure it out

photjanee keeps getting so close to finding out about tinngun and then something interrupts it and it happens every single time

BEACH TRIP PART 2 LETS GOOO

wait a sec they did a bad buddy. They went to the beach and then they went to the beach again. And the second time was in episode 11. why has that happened twice now.

BRO HES WEARING YELLOW

WIN RESERVED A SPOT FOR SOUND AGAIN AND THIS TIME SOUND IS ACTUALLY TAKING THE SPOT I LOVE THEMMMMM

so that fight was freaking intense, they were all having a go at each other, naturally it progressed to just Soundwin yelling but then surprisingly it turned into win and gun.

I rly liked that scene tho, all of them at the height of emotions and they all give really hard but sincere and heartfelt apologies to each other. And then they have a group hug. It’s so sweet, I love all of their group dynamics so freaking much

this man is neurodivergent and I love him with all my soul

tinn’s dad doesn’t have a name. tis character is nameless. but I love him.

NATURALLY TIW HAD TO EMERGE FROM THE SHADOWS FJRJFHFH

TIWPOR ARE SO OBVIOUS

“Did I miss something?? What is happening?” Well, win, you see, you know how you and sound are in love? It’s the same situation with Tiw and por, but you numskulls have been too thick to see it somehow

TIWPOR ARE LITERALLY BOYFRIENDS I LOVE THEM

everyone just coping Soundwin left right and centre okay then

first tinngun with the medal kiss

now tiwpor with the sprinkle water

what’s next, yo and nook are gonna be tied up together? Pat and [insert imaginary character] are gonna have a lot of meaningful interactions in the bathroom?

oh also that song?? It made me cry man. I don’t care what anyone says, this show is a cinematic masterpiece.

the way they’re watching a video of them singing an encouraging song to encourage themselves?

the way they’re suddenly in the room watching??

THE WAY SOUND APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE???

THE WAY TINN APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE????

THE WAY THEIR CURRENT SELVES ARE SUDDENLY SINGING TO THEMSELVES?????????

it gave me chills and it gave me tears

I literally can’t describe how much I love this show

the only thing that could’ve made that song better is if Tiw appeared out of nowhere

i CaN wAiT uNtiL yOuRe A uNi StUdEnT dude no one cares about the rule anymore, sound literally said he and win are boyfriends (WHICH BTW W H E N WAS THAT ESTABLISHED?????) just date now

“no matter how long, I’ll always wait for you right here” okay that’s super sweet and all but literally no one cares about the stupid rule just kiss already

yeah okay that explains it. I’d noticed how the only people to say “until they’ve WON hot wave” were that guy and Tinn and Tiw, but everyone else just said until after hot wave so yeah

“Be with me now and you’ll get to use the hashtag #MySchoolPresident” gotta love them subtle title drops lmao

and naturally there’s a cliffhanger on the photjanee plot line. great. like they needed to have something to keep us hooked even tho we're invested literally no matter what, the next episode is the freaking final episode, we're gonna watch it, dont worry gmmtv

MY MAIN TAKEAWAYS

last episode felt way too short but this one felt way too long

I’m still not sure if tiwpor were already secretly dating or if it’s just mutual crushes or if it’s something else BUT they’re going down the tiwpor route for which I am grateful because WE’RE NOT DELUSIONAL HAHA SUCKERS WE WERE RIGHT

WHEN THE FLIP FLAP TICTAC WAS IT ESTABLISHED THAT SOUNDWIN ARE BOYFRIENDS????? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN OFF SCREEN???? I HAVE Q U E S T I O N S

and we have one episode left of this goodnessforsaken show. We have had eleven episodes. We have had about 600 freaking minutes of this show. And Tinn and gun stILL HAVENT KISSED???????? WHAT THE FLIP IS GOING ON

[upagainstthesunset]

Gonna take this rare burst of social media energy to talk more about my oc. That's right. It's Heartbeat backstory time!

Since it'll be ages before i ever get to any kind of big reveal in the fic, here's a little summary of who she is. Its really intended to be a mystery in the story until much later, but i seriously cant wait that long. Putting it under a cut in case you want to skip it.

So Heartbeat shows up with no memory of who she is, and Metron takes her in, promising to get to the bottom of it. She's obviously from Earth and besides her inexplicable connection to the Source and the Speed Force, nothing remarkable about her. Despite the amnesia, she still knows about stuff and is aware of what things are. Its like she just doesn't remember her own history. Think of it like not being able to remember what you ate for lunch a week ago.

Metron's like yeah, yeah I'll figure out who you are, and then he immediately proceeds to not do that bc in all honesty he doesn't really care. What he Actually wants is for her to cooperate and increase her powers so he can somehow make use of them. He has no doubt in his mind that he could find out who she is, like it'd be trivial to him, so he back-burner's it and will get to it later.

They go through the whole plot of this mini series, which ive laid out in a previous post, and at the end Heartbeat's Mother Box is able to tell her something. It's a name: Lorraine.

Heartbeat doesn't know who that is, but it incites her to refocus on her amnesia instead of her powers, especially since at this point she's already developed her powers a satisfactory amount. She starts putting the thumbscrews on Metron and he's like okay fine I'll look into it.

To himself he's thinking hmm that name's really familiar. And he thinks and thinks and finally realizes... It's Lorraine Hampton, the woman he was assigned to protect back in New Gods #13, which was the first of Gerry Conway's run after Jack Kirby's initial series was dropped.

Lorraine was a club singer in New Orleans. She was young and smoked cigarettes and lived the night life. She thought Metron was ...alright, which tbh is saying a lot given how he just randomly appeared in her apartment. And she was glad he was there to protect her. I mean, he did stop what's his face from kidnapping her, but later she got abducted anyway. So shrug.

Back to my story, it turns out Lorraine went on to have a child out of wedlock, which wasn't unheard of back then but also wasn't an easy life. She named her daughter Cadence Claudia Hampton. Claudia after Claudia Shane, who she was abducted alongside, and eventually became good friends with (again, this is me injecting my own story on top of canon, there's no indication they became friends in the comics, though they did get kidnapped together). And Cadence bc a cadence is a measured cycle that repeats, like the way music does. Or like a metronome. A METRONome. So yeah. She totally named her daughter after Metron. Look, the whole kidnapped by Darkseid's cronies thing and meeting gods and all that really left an impact on her okay?

She was always grateful that such powerful beings would try to protect her and other mortals from the evils of the universe, so even though Metron was certainly odd, she was thankful for him, and she never forgot him. She'd tell Cadence bedtime stories about a magical god who came to earth in his equally magical chair. Of course as Cadence grew up, that's all it became. A silly story of magic and whimsy.

Metron goes to look for Lorraine, but she has already passed away. Too young. Lung cancer. It ended her career early, and left Cadence alone in her late teens. Metron thinks it a shame. He knows he could use the Mobius chair to go back in time and listen to her sing again, hidden from view. But he decides not to, it wouldn't be right.

Cadence grew up, failed out of college, and tried to make it on her own as a musician. She made her way west to southern California, lugging a guitar or keyboard to whatever seedy bars would let her play. Not very glamorous. Eventually she'd settle for a day job at a cafe even though she hated coffee. The place had open mic nights and sometimes she'd go on if she could get on the list before it filled up. And so years passed, Cadence barely getting by. Mostly alone, mostly with very little.

By the time she was taken by force, she was 29. Ten years after Lorraine's death. Of course it was DeSaad who grabbed her, took her back to Apokolips, and though shrouded to Metron from that point on, he could imagine what she must have been put through. Clearly Darkseid had tried again with the Anti-Life Equation, this time going after the offspring of those he'd calculated possessed it in the past.

It still doesn't explain Heartbeat's connection to such mystical powers, but Metron had his answer to who she was. How funny that it's someone he shares a sort of connection with.

But then does he tell her? Idk yet. Maybe he keeps his cards close to his chest and strings her on for a while. I'd need to give him a good reason tho. And does she have part of the Anti-Life Equation? How did she lose her memories? Why does she have a connection to the Speed Force? And why the Source? Many things i haven't decided yet.

But i like that her name is Cadence. It's musical, a good choice coming from Lorraine. And not only is she named after Metron in a way, but as chance would have it, you could also think of her name as meaning a recurring pulse or beat. Like oh i dont know, maybe a heartbeat. ;)

[mutedeclipse]

Hey sorry about the delay on this post but here is the phantom bomber ship dynamic breakdown post

I will not pull any punches and i will be blunt, if i forget anyone its because ive litterally never seen them shipped before, this post is also under the assumption that all of the characters listed are 18+ (covering my bases here, ykno?)

Starting out with ol' reliable phantom/blue. This ship dynamic is the most canon fueled and widely shipped out of the dynamics ive seen.. for good reason! They make good foils for eachother in a way that meshes really nicely and that can make for undeniably sweet n cute moments. Beit blue snuggled up and snoozing while phantom does late night work or simply the homoerotic tension that comes from blue beta testing his code and absolutely exploiting every bug, i think blue would be quite healthy for him. 5 stars. Good ship.

While discussing the bomber siblings, ill address a ship dynamic i have been told ive forgotten in the past. Being phantom/black, a ship I've seen that presumably cites the credits of sbr1 on the grounds of them seeming to interact post R. While i didnt pay much mind to it, i can see the merit given that interaction in canon is like looking for water in the Sahara desert. Black, being blunt... Is a dumb bitch (affectionate) which could bounce off phantom pretty well, likely the two bonding over a fondness of the theatrical... if feelings do develop i cant shake the feeling that phantom would be the first to engage.. i think phantom would engage as hes the least awkward about romance out of the two by default. And i think black would be hesitant and have a crisis about "oh my god am i gay???" (No honey youre bisexual its ok) . The entire relationship hinges on whether or not you think they could both get past their own egos and not beat eachother to death about it. ultimately could be a decent ship! I think they work better as friends personally. 3 stars.

Ok, now onto the dastardly bombers oriented ships, these will probably get a little controversial

phantom/magnet is a ship that i find VERY funny because i think itd not work at all romantically. Sorry to the exactly one person ive seen ship this but im taking R at face value for this post, they would constantly squabble and could honestly not stand eachother in any intimate situation besides the bedroom and even then i think that wouldnt be satisfactory for either of them lmao. Magnet would INSIST on topping and it would suck really bad. 1 star. Not a fan they seem more like friendly rivals instead tbh

phantom/golem on the other hand would make a GREAT dynamic imo, always pops into my head every now and then. Golem, despite not really speaking much is a kind and gentle soul. Making for a great anchor to phantom. I tend to think of them more platonic, but i DO think they'd have good romantic chemistry. They like to hang out and sit near eachother like cats and simply enjoying eachother's company... Phantom could study his mane of flora and tell him about every little insect that inhabits his garden and i think golem would happily listen making inquisitive beeps about things. And i personally headcanon phantom tends to have issues remembering to maintain himself in his working hours, i think golem takes time to remind him to. Sweet dynamic. 4 stars. One of my favorites.

Ok so. I think phantom/karaoke *could* work... But phantom/pretty could not. You feel me? Like hands down theyre good friends either way, but karaoke amd phantom have a little more of a spark there. since pretty is... Bland in R. To say the least. Im not a fan i can see her visiting him and them holding good conversation, nothing more really. But karaoke has classic pretty mannerisms, being quite charismatic and flirty in a way i think could absolutely decimate him. Like after a long ramble about his latest project she would stare him dead in the eye after picking up about half of what he said and asking him if he wants to make out or something to fuck with him and he would go bright purple. Decent ship. 1 star for pretty but 3 for karaoke. Round it down to a 2 if you want

Ok onto the ship i think i may have brought into existence... phantom/plasma, I honestly think plasma would also make a good supportive anchor to phantom, similar to golem but in a more active way. I think they'd mesh well personality wise, theyre both seemingly quite good natured at heart if the snippets from R can be trusted, i think their shared compassion could breed understanding and trust between the two, trust blossoming into something more down the line. Not a relationship that would happen over night but one that i honestly am a sucker for. They should curl up together and watch movies in the cold winter. Good comfort ship. 5 stars. Fight me over this im not budging.

Phantom/me.

I love him. That is all phantom ships. Goodbye.

[og-danny-dorito]

hello I hope you are well 🌹 I don't know if the orders are open but I can order a request of how the Turks would react when they find out that their partner the reader is a vampire?

they are! sorry about the late response i kind of forgot that tumblr had an ask box feature ^^; i'll only do 3 since i cant do all of them at once, but i can do more later if you'd like. hope you enjoy!

𝚃𝚞𝚛𝚔𝚜 𝚆𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚊 𝚅𝚊𝚖𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎!𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝚃𝚆: HUGE TW FOR BLOOD, brief suggestive content, slut shaming reno (affectionate)

𝚁𝚎𝚗𝚘:

"Haha, very funny Y/n. Vampires aren't real, everyone knows that."

doesn't beleive you at first 💀

i mean why would he?? NO ONE thinks vampires exist. thats kind of the reason you've been able to survive for so long

you expected this response though,, and after a few minutes of convincing him that you're being dead fucking serious- you are a vampire -he seems to get a little... pale.

as in he looks genuinely fucking terrified

thing is- he's actually had a fear of vampires since he was a little kid??

im being so serious he was like,, genuinely terrified of them as a kid and hasn't ever fully gotten over it

i mean- its not a completely irrational fear to have, but how is he supposed to say that to you?? that he's terrified of your species and thinks you're all human mosquitos who prey on people in the night?

you almost regret telling him considering you've seen the look on his face a million times with others you've told, but it doesn't make seeing it on him any easier

part of the reason you loved him so much was because he made you feel normal for once in your life- like you belonged

and you almost feel like you've fucked that up for yourself as he looks at you, fears obviously turning in his head to try and formulate what to say

but before you can get any words out in apology he speaks up, taking in a deep breath beforehand to steady himself and looking you dead in the eye

"If... if you're being serious right now, then this doesn't change anything."

huh??

you blink at him a few times and he seems nervous when you tilt your head, a silent queue to elaborate

"It doesn't change how I feel about you. I still love you. Plus, at least you're not a werewolf. I hate dogs."

you both laugh at his comment and the air lightens up a little bit, and it seems that he was telling the truth about it not changing how he feels about you

i mean he's a little more conscious about what might be safe for you and what not be (like doing outside right before the sun goes down, making sure you have a good supply of food even though it makes him a little squeamish, stuff like that) but overal he treats you the same

expect mosquito or vampire jokes though. he already made shitty jokes but with your vampirism in mind he's going to be a fucking menace 💀💀💀

would probably be okay with you feeding on him but he might enjoy it a little TOO much and might not hide that he wants you to feed on him very well (dudes walking around with his shirt half open all the time but he gets sluttier trust me)

𝚃𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚐:

"..."

HELP HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY

for a second he thinks you're just messing with him and he's not catching it but he's pretty sure you're being serious and he's just ???

i mean it is kind of a weird situation, and why else would you pull him aside to talk privately when you knew he was working??

hes always been really perspective, but he's also very logical and so he passed the signs you were trying to hide off as something else

but now that you've told him and you dont look like you're joking in the sligtes, the dots start to connect

it explains why you hated going out during the day so much, and why when you DID go out you wore insane amounts of sunscreen and always wore covering clothing (he thought you just had sensitive skin tbh)

it explains why you barely every touched the food the two of you sat down to eat together. and why you didn't seem to like silver things that much. and why crucifixes bothered you. and why-

you get the idea

anyway he kinda just stares at you for a few seconds like he's just taking a second to process the information, but after a little bit (a lot a bit) of mutual silence he eventually speaks up and leans back in his chair

"Well, I'm not happy that you didn't tell me sooner."

you sigh in relief even though you'd probably have to explain why you felt like it was unsafe int he first place later, but for now you just felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders

tseng is already very attentive to your needs, and he approaches this new revelation like any sort of new information and treats it systematically since its how he deals with p much everything in his life

makes sure that you have an ample supply of food since he knows hunting can be a struggle sometimes, and he doesn't want you to catch any diseases (if vampires can even do that)

i dont think he'd be as open as reno to the idea, but that's mainly cause he's a bit nervous about the whole process and doesn't know the intricacies of it

he trusts you though, so he doesn't have a problem with you feeding on him when you're in a bind or need a little snack here and there

𝙴𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚊:

"Oh, for real?"

she doesn't even bat an eye

yeah she believes you since she knows you'd never lie to her even though it is really outlandish

i mean, she says crazy shit all the time and you believe her so who is she to judge? that and she already knew

yeah even though she's kinda airheaded sometimes doesn't mean she's stupid. you're not very good at hiding your vampirism babe (her words exactly)

i mean she already had a vibe from the beginning anyway. you have that aura about you, you know??

she doesn't have a problem with it though. if anything she's actually really excited about it!!

if you've been alive for a long time she'd love to hear about all the things you might've seen and experienced and asks a lot of questions about it since she's only ever watched movies about it

if you have a darker style she makes an effort to match it so you don't feel as alienated considering she would think that you'd already feel kind of set apart from others because of your vampirism and wants to make sure you feel included

if your style is lighter or somewhere in the middle then that's usually where she falls, so it won't be out of the ordinary (she already makes you wear matching outfits with her so its not much of a difference LOL)

she's cool with it though!! i think she'd be WAY too enthusiastic about letting you feed on her since she's curious about it but would get grossed out by the sight of her own blood LMAO

[ 𝚃𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝙵𝚘𝚛 𝚁𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐! 𝙿𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚛𝚎𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚒𝚝 𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚙𝚜 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜 :) ]

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

i've started watching the last leg because you speak so highly of it, and i'm obsessed. my current thoughts are:

-you're right, adam hills would be amazing on taskmaster. -i cannot believe they had boris johnson on. like. i saw it happen and yet its so bizarre to me. -adam and alex doing impersonations of josh made me choke on my sandwich laughing why are impressions of him always so funny -i've only seen josh on taskmaster and hypothetical, but the more i find out about him the more it feels like im looking in a mirror (english, short, unruly hair, scared of balloons, wearer of plaid shirts, strange hand gestures, sits on one foot etc) -adams many attempts at accents never cease to amuse me. i think my favourite so far is "i'm absolutely devasted... and slightly south african" from the greek financial crisis bit. -live shows normally make me anxious because you cant cut out awkward moments but i genuinely love when you can hear one of them (usually alex tbh) still giggling at a joke in the background even when they move onto another section. -i feel like now they've definitely gotten into their stride but i do miss the early series "what the hell are we doing" vibes (i really want to watch the og 2012 series but i get the impression that thats lost forever.) -i spent five series waiting for the sofa's awkwardly positioned armrest to catch someone out, thanks alan davies i knew i could rely on you to comically sit on thin air

sorry this is so long, i've completely fallen in love with this show and i feel like i could go on forever. anyway basically yeah thank you so much for making this show accessible and talking about it because now my entertainment is sorted for at least the next month.

This is an absolutely lovely message, thank you for writing it! First of all, never apologize for dropping something like this in my inbox (or ask box, or whatever). If you like something I like, I love hearing about that! If you like something like that and it’s because my blog got you into it, telling me that gives me all the fun of getting to talk about things I like, plus I love knowing this blog is helpful in spreading good things! Genuinely, that’s awesome.

Also, just in general, I am the last person to whom anyone should apologize for writing something that's too long. Every once in a while I'll see a post on Tumblr that's tagged "long post" and is shorter than my average one, and I remember that I was not built for the Twitter generation. I actually work as an editor in real life, where I make sure all writing is tightened up and concise, and then I come on here and do not give one fuck about that. I love seeing others do the same.

- With Franke Boyle already cast, Adam Hills may have moved into the number one spot as my dream Taskmaster contestant. Not because he’s my very favourite comedian who’s never done Taskmaster (I mean he’s up there, just not quite number one), but because of all the comedians who’ve never done Taskmaster, I think he has the personality that would be most suited for the format. And by “personality suited to the format”, I mean obsessively competitive, with a penchant for showing off at every opportunity.

- It’s hard for me to justify how much I enjoyed their Boris Johnson interview, because I realize that’s an actual issue. “Comedy washing” politicians by putting them on entertainment shows that make them seem more fun and palpable, and to raise their public profile. Boris Johnson in particular did a bunch of that for he rose through political ranks, the big one being Have I Got News For You. My best justification for The Last Leg’s Boris Johnson interview is that they were only in their second season when they had him on, a weird late-night talk show that hadn’t gained traction yet, so they can’t have contributed much to his publicity. But still, it’s something they’re guilty of in general at times. With other members of Boris Johnson’s family, and Sayeeda Warsi, Alastair Campbell, a few others. Now that I think about it I guess the interview that Alex Brooker did with Nick Clegg in 2015 counts as that, even though I thought that entire interview was very well done and I enjoyed watching it.

Disclaimer aside, the Boris Johnson episode was really interesting, though. Really weird that they got him on when they were so new to it, new enough so he raised their profile more than they raised his, which is kind of a defense from comedy washing. I loved watching the three hosts find different ways of responding to him. Adam Hills getting excited about the opportunity to try to show off journalism skills, which he sort of did okay but then messed up a few times. Josh Widdicombe just awkwardly looking from one of them to the other, like he couldn’t believe it was happening. And Alex Brooker just entertained that the man with funny hair from TV was in the room with them.

The Nick Clegg one was done better. I enjoyed the tension between the politician trying to seem fun among comedians, and the comedians trying to be intellectual enough to justify having the Deputy Prime Minister on their show, and both sides clearly having no confidence in their ability to do that to the other side’s standards. But Adam pulled him into some good back-and-forth, successfully hit a couple of things that he’d swung at and missed in the Boris Johnson episodes (to use a sort of clumsy sports analogy). And when they sat down for the actual interview, I thought Alex did a genuinely good job of asking questions well and making him respond properly. It’s still probably not good that it happened. But it did, and it doesn’t add to any damage done if you or I watch those episodes now and enjoy them. I don’t think Nick Clegg is exactly poised to make a big comeback on the strength of how human and engaging he seemed on that one episode of The Last Leg in 2015, and any comebacks from Johnson will not be fueled by that.

- Okay, sorry about the above paragraphs, I did not mean to go negative in a post about a show that I, by and large, very very much like. Josh Widdicombe impressions! Josh Widdicombe impressions are funny and do not in any way contribute to the collapse of British civilization! Have you seen this compilation of Josh Widdicombe impressions, put together by someone on Reddit? It’s really entertaining. Adam’s entire repertoire of Josh impressions consists of putting a hand on his hip and saying “Pret a Manger”, it’s great.

- The number of weird little things about Josh Widdicombe is a bit amazing. The leg sitting thing combined with the hand gestures. The inability to sing or do accents, but sometimes he gives it a go. The fear of anything that makes a noise. The plaid shirts are lesbian appropriation that I do not mind one bit. By which I mean it turns out my sexual orientation is "mainly attracted to women, can make an exception for men who look enough like lesbians".

- All of Adam Hills’ accents end up a bit South African, no matter how they start. Including when he’s imitating Australian people, and does a weird thing where he sounds like an English person pretending to have an Australian accent, and it still ends up South African. Also great.

- The element of their show being live does add to it at times. Especially in early episodes, when none of them were quite used to it yet. I used to be unnerved by how often it would feel like Josh was making eye contact with me, until I realized there was a screen right above the camera that showed what it was filming, and he kept self-consciously using it as a mirror. Fucking adorable. I mean all of those early episodes were adorable. Just Adam Hills desperately trying to capitalize on this chance of finally getting his own show and wanting to make it run smoothly and well, and Baby Josh and Baby Alex pretty much spent the first eight-ish seasons just like:

Oh, and I love how much Alex Brooker's inability to stop laughing on cue it on display in the live format. Which is also on display in this compilation, by that same Reddit person, which I'm sure you'd like if you haven't seen it. Highlights how sometimes a joke will just completely take Alex apart, and he doesn't seem to have a lot of control over how fast he puts himself back together, which can be a problem when Adam's trying to read the next autocue bit so the show can stay on schedule.

I've looked around for the London 2012 episodes before, and they may be lost to history. I am glad the Rio 2016 episodes were out there, though. Those are some of my favourite episodes of the whole show, they were all on top form during the actual Paralympics. It's too bad they had to change things for Tokyo; I hope they get to go to Paris and do that again.

- I miss the awkward impractical sofa. I hoped they'd have it back by now, having switched to a much more reasonable seating arrangement during COVID. Go back to being weird and impractical, guys.

Again, I'm really glad you've enjoyed it! This show has its ups and downs, and legitimate criticisms of it (from the same criticisms that could be leveled at any light entertainment/talk show that can be formulaic at times, to some more serious stuff, I was really unhappy with their post-queen death episode), but my God, it is so much fun! I just really, really like all three of those people, and that can carry the show through just about anything. Positive aspects of the show can also range from the lighthearted (three comedians with very good chemistry having fun together) to something deeper (they make fun of people lauding Important Disability Representation, and rightly so because there's a lot of inspiration porn bullshit that needs undercutting, but also, it is genuinely important disability representation, drawing attention to para sport athletes who otherwise wouldn't have mainstream coverage, and once in a blue moon we get genuinely touching moments related to that). The Last Leg at its best is this genre of TV show at its best.

Again, thanks for that, I will always be happy for an opportunity to talk about this show. And it makes me very happy to know I got someone else into it, that's awesome!

[menalez]

hi. you dont have to reply to this ask if you dont want to or if you do you can make it public Idm. also I dont mean to trauma dump so pls just delete this because tbh its too much. tl;dr at start Im starting to doubt my sexuality despite being in late 20s. also, tw sex, rape, csa, cocsa, etc. so, I've always known I kinda like girls and that Im more likely bi than straight. I was in love with one during highschool and I felt intense sexual attraction towards a close friend in uni. I was p far left back then so I thought this must be that demisexual thing where you only feel attraction once you get to know people LMAO. then I had some crushes on guys here and there, was virgin till 24 and then slept around way too much with guys. never had experience with a woman. now Im in proper relationship with a really nice guy. recently I started watching a show and identifies way too much with a lesbian character. like from how she acts to what she says regarding women she feels attracted to. I havent been able to sleep for past two nights and Im starting to wonder if I even feel attracted to him.

until we recently moved in together we had sex. a lot. but I had a meltdown because of past sexual trauma, all the sleeping around because of other reasons than wanting to have sex, (loneliness, low self esteem) csa and cocsa at hands of female relatives, so that also confuses me. we havent had regular sex, maybe once in a month. and last time I was hoping it to end soon and just waited it out. I dont blame my bf, hes never done anything wrong, and I was the one who told him to keep going. ofc I had told him Im bi but now Im so unsure if about what even attraction means. I honestly never felt that intense attraction towards a guy, ever. Ive felt that with several women, like random passerbyers and such. some women I couldnt take eyes off of and had to just move along because I felt like a creep (which also factors in me not wanting to look at women In That Way because thats how men look at women and its just hella confusing as a fellow woman who doesnt want to objectified by men either) Idk how much Im convincing myself I love men and society has brainwashed me. Idk what Im wishing to get out of this, Im just stressed I dont love my bf in That Way and this is just platonic love, that Ive convinced myself into doing even stuff like kissing and hugging because Thats What Im Supposed To Do.

anyway, thank you if you read it so far, thank you for your time. I would really like some advice if you have any but you also dont have to if you dont want to. btw I love your blog and if you cant tell I follow you on here. keep up the good work. <3 I hope you have a nice day!

aww that really sounds stressful and like a difficult situation anon :( honestly i think many lesbian & bi women go through some moments of doubt and confusion at least at one point in our lives so you’re not alone there. tbh i would encourage talking your feelings out with someone who knows you well and someone you trust, they can help give you perspective. sometimes we identify with something a lot that it can confuse us in many ways. and if possible, maybe experiment with women? it’s kinda hard to understand your attraction when it’s kinda just .. abstract?

to me it sounds like you may indeed be bi & maybe cycling (bi cycle) or perhaps you have a strong preference and are just realising it. however, i can’t determine your sexuality for u as i do not know you. this is why id recommend experimenting but of course you should be transparent with everyone involved (your boyfriend- idk whether you’d ask him if it’s possible to be open or something else, and whichever woman you experiment with). i overthink and doubt myself a lot and actually being with a woman definitely helped me. pushing myself to be with men to “test” whether im into them was personally highly traumatic for me so if someone thinks they’re a lesbian but has never been with a man & isn’t sure if they’re into it… id highly recommend NOT trying. getting clarity faster will never be better than not pushing your own boundaries and risking traumatising yourself. to me it sounds like you really need to be single right now and just explore yourself and try being with a woman and see how you feel from there. there’s also no shame in being unsure and not labelling your sexuality either.

also facing previous trauma like CSA especially can really make it hard to understand your sexuality, from my experience most bi & lesbian women who go through such intense confusion and identity disturbances like what u described have faced CSA too.. so you really aren’t alone there ❤️❤️ i wish you luck anon. you’ll figure it out you just need to give urself space and time

[reverais]

-

listen i didn’t know that tumblr had a tag limit and the whole bunch of my stream-of-consciousness-public-journal-entry is missing so im rewriting everything bc, of all the times, this is not one i want to forget

listen my queue is about to end and im about to drop some very emotionally-driven language formulations. the hell is language formulation even. i just dont know how to put any of this into words

tbh i feel like i havent really come to terms with everything

your girl just went through an unfortunately loss and went back to home for it. and philippines has some funeral customs i still cant wrap my mind around. tbh i feel like i haven’t mourned at all here. most grief ive experienced was from the three days it took to plan getting here

and im already anticipating the most grueling “return to normal” when i get back to canada

like i go back to work literally the day after i land (thank god its wfh tho). but i want to wail. i want to be unable to breathe bc i cried it all out. not just the loss. but the missing of home, the missing of family. again.

god i hate it. i always know its going to be like this whenever i leave home. but it just never seems to get easier. like i cried into my eye mask two days ago. we shouldve gotten drunk. thats why i didn’t cry yesterday. i was kinda elated even. i was like i should go home tomorrow (today) bc the night ended so well. not that tonight didn’t end well. but theres just a certain feeling looming. and i just want to cry it all out already. like rip the bandaid. but not here. not in front of everyone. especially not in front of ma. who also seems to be trying to choke things down.

no time ever feels enough but there’s always that thought of i need to make money, things are waiting for me. and tbh my lifestyle and comfort just isn’t for here no more. but anywhere the family is, i’ll go. no matter the mosquito and ant bites.

not to make this anymore complicated but church, man. i already know there’s something waiting for me there. and i don’t want to hear a second of it. i dont even think i can bring myself to be around people i can genuinely be myself with much less the ones who just orders and tells me what to do. that one is hard to explain as is. but ig thats just another bandaid to rip off when i finally have the guts to

“funny” things is that im this close to cursing god. after how i took in technoblades passing, he really thought to send another one my way. thats just cruel now

theyre all talking about me coming back next year december. and december is the known preferred time now bc not only is there more to do but the weather is nicer. more expensive but a more worthwhile trip. plus i have a list of what to bring back now. chocolates obv, the halloween sales ones esp. water bottles seem to be a current trend but still useful even out of trend anyway. ill try to find books for a particular cousin. and maybe speakers bc they love the bluetooth one. oreas and pringles and candies overall which are honestly cheaper here but whatever they want. the kids love toys still - i haven’t seen that kind of exciting in forever and i want to see it again. these kids got me running around and sweating. dont got their stamina and endurance for heat and itchy grass

all in all i think money goes the furthest here (as is anywhere). ill just buy experiences. ig thats movitation to stay in the deadend job for now. and to commit to pursuing something hopefully better for my future.

its late tho, i need to wake up early. good night.

[goldenorangedawn]

05-98

I'd been feeling pretty lonely lately, but hopefully things are turning around.

I really blew things with Kay, basically getting her to give me reasons why she doesnt want to talk to me anymore.

After the experience we were talking a lot on yahoo. I couldnt stop thinking about her, thought about her at sch* all the time. We talk very sexual and talk about different sexual positions are. She also shared some deeply personal and dark things with me. She was raped her f* year. And she tells me she feels "screwed up."

I messaged her right asking for a second date.

The next morning I get a message saying, " been doing a lot of thinking ......I dont think we get along so well in the bedroom" "I need time to figure myself out."

After that we start chatting less and less until nothing. When I asked her why we cant just be friends, she says "the conversation feels like work" meaning its awkward having a conversation with me, and she says "tbh I dont find you interesting"

I know we only had the one experience but, l started playing out these fantasies of us being a couple. I dont know why, or what I can do to stop this emotional attachment. I gotta be more detached. I do feel anxious around certain people, and awkward, I need to improve my self esteem and my personality

What else should I learn from this? Where else did I go wrong? I really feel horrible right now.

Last night I went to the kitchen with Ari. I talked to a lot of people and made friends with a couple by trying to find a spot near the dj. I found out they were friends with petunia, who I have a crush on. And she came a little later on in the evening.

Ari and i went to her friend's car to smoke out. I came back in and sort of stared at this crowd of people dancing, moving as of in slow motion with the strobe light. I turned around and there was Petunia. I ended up talking and for awhile, i felt like she was being flirty and happy to see me.

She shared her drink with me, watched my spot when I went to the restroom, smiled a lot and played with her hair and wanted to take a shot with me after the dj was done and before I had to leave. She was gorgeous.

We drifted apart a little and while I was dancing by myself I noticed her dancing by me with her back turned. I got the vibe she wanted me to pull her in to dance with her but I couldn't build up the courage. She did this several times but her friend pulled her in to dance before I could. Eventually l just left because I was getting to stuck in my head and felt embarrassed.

wish I would have gotten her number. She seemed really interested and her friends like me.

But its ok, next time I'm in that situation I'm going to tell myself to get out of my comfort zone and go for it because I'm certain she would have danced with me. Also I could have gotten her number if instead of leaving Over all though I had a great time and met a lot of people at the goth club. The music was great.

I went home and just hung out ari’s place talking for the rest of the night. My sleep schedule must be all messed up because i didn’t get home and get to bed until 8:15 in the morning.

I woke up the next day at 7:30. I felt out of it from too much sleep. I had a boring dinner with *M and her sugar daddy.

Later on chris pick’s me up and we meet up with jorge at flaco’s place. We hung out having some drinks and then flaco puts on a porn and we all take turns jacking off in the bathroom nearby. It was probably the gayest thing we’d ever done. Then i realized they had all been doing coke or something.

At some point in the evening chris gets up and says he’s taking us to *ch. we go and have a pitcher of beer. Same freaky *skl crowd. After that we go to denny’s where i tell chris everything about kay, and he gives me some good advice about the situation. I think. It’s basically don’t be so eager and wait for her to come to you.

So i’ll wait. But i can’t wait forever.