in internet posts it is easy to cut them out of your life. they are hurting you! they aren't listening to you!
they held your hair back. they lent you lipstick. they held your hand at the train station and got you home safe. they rounded on your bully, got loud, said get fucked, spitting-mad in your defense.
they also cut the hair off again. told you that you should really think twice before wearing something like that. took you for granted. took your insecurities and threw them in your face again.
you know logically it should be easy. all the internet advice comments always read it will feel better. like an equation - if a person is rotten, you just remove them. you pull the tooth that's hurting.
but it was never a big flare-up moment. you don't live in a sitcom. they never tried to take your boyfriend or steal from your apartment. they showed up to birthdays and they wrote songs about you and bring you water without you asking. once you found out they carry an emergency inhaler for you, even though you haven't had an asthma attack in years - just in case.
where is the line? people fuck up. sometimes they fuck up badly. sometimes people have raw personalities, like a powerline, and being around them is dangerous. addicting. sometimes they can't help themselves, but you know they're trying. sometimes they are just rough-around-the-edges. sometimes they don't even realize how they sounded when they said that. sometimes it's just - you've both loved each other for so long now, the way this thing hurts goes back to the root.
and that's the fucked up part. you have pushed your fingers against the sweetheart of memory. things these days are electric, tense, harrowing. they didn't used to be. there were a lot of good days in there. sometimes you want to just close your eyes and say can this be over yet? do we still need to be fighting?
doing that would give up any chance you get of getting an apology, but you don't always know that you need an apology, you love them. once they flaked on your birthday party. once they told you to get over it, people are always dying. they also let you crash on their couch for a week after the breakup, handfeeding you when you were so sad you couldn't eat. they are also judgmental about everything, occasionally react to banal statements with an attitude that is weird and fiery. they also love you like a lighthouse sometimes, so strong they cut the storm like lightning.
but the problem is that you might be storm. you might be the thing that needs breaking. what if you are two forces who are desperately, horribly drawn to each other, shaped by the other person's passions, and both good for each other and bad in equal measure.
what if you're both just people, and you're no saint neither.
just cut them off! swallowing the saltwater, you catch yourself in the mirror. you've been shaking more than usual. there's an ache in you that is oblique, loud, impossible to soothe. is this what it looks like? when life is "easier"?
your mouth will always have a hole, is the thing, if you remove the tooth.
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nanami retires to malaysia & all his days consist of reading, cooking & eating pussy
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V. the earth
crashes into the wall at the speed of sound, instantly shattering every bone in my body
this started as body practice referencing roberto ferri’s ��redemption”, which has SUCH beautiful anatomy and lighting to learn from. the quickly got derailed into secret life art because the last episode has been rotating in my mind like a microwave
also tem pointed out that sunflower were pearl’s symbolic flower in empires s1 if anyone needs me im rotting
also the hand is PEARL 🙅🏻♀️this is not desert duo 🙅🏻♀️ go back to the desert /silly
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need to know who u voted for and what ur thoughts are on who among the seijoh 4 are the best in bed (i voted mattsun i am a issei pussy pounder back breaker truther)
here is my definitive thought process re: ranking (no one is allowed to boo me)
#4 oikawa: PROBABLY A VERY UNPOPULAR OPINION but i think he rests on his pretty boy laurels a bit! not saying that he's in ANY way a bad fuck but i simply do not think he outranks his competitors here. so hot it's almost kind of annoying when he takes his clothes off.
#3 makki: he's got the spirit!! into weird stuff but is also very eager to please. very average guy energy but in an endearing way. still a very good fuck and especially as a hookup because he makes u feel very comfortable.
#2 mattsun: listen. i wanted to put him first. i really did. this is where i quite literally agonized in my internal debate. in fact, i would argue that he IS the most sexually charismatic of the four—however i live and die on the hill that his dick is HUGE. to the point that. it is arguably too big. u cannot have a quickie with issei because u either need like an hour of foreplay or enough lube that u basically need to take a hazmat shower after you're done. this is the only reason i marked him down. champagne problems.
#1 iwa: i don't think this needs a lot of explaining. iwaizumi hajime loverboy and pussy pleaser extraordinaire u will ALWAYS be famous to me.
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