Okay, this day was such a teen rom-com!!!🤧
After the exam, my friends and I usually discussed the assignments, but I was wildly looking for R and the philosophy teacher. (let's call him M)
obviously bc I was curious, he really is as handsome as my friend said on the phone yesterday. Bc of course I didn't really notice other teachers besides R. So after my friends went for coffee, I went to spy and literally hid behind one of the big plants from where I could spy on the corridor where the philosophy classes were held.
I tried not to be suspicious, but I don't think I even noticed myself, I was so focused on seeing that certain handsome teacher. Are there seriously any teachers here who are as hot as R? I doubt! I have to see him, you know, and you have to concentrate on that!! lol
and now come the comedy girls *movie scene*
I was trying to peek, a direct question "What are you doing?" suddenly came from behind me and I was sooooo scared that a "Jesus fuck" left my mouth.
YES, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I SAID.💀
I think everyone can guess that my extremely hot teacher R was standing behind me, (so who else obviously…) who made such a surprised face. I was completely taken aback by his voice, and I told him that you "scared me" and he looked at me in confusion and then asked:
"What are you doing behind the bush?"
I simply answered: "I'm spying" As if it was the most natural thing in the world and I could see that he was a little confused, so I decided to initiate, and then I asked him to come closer, bc I didn't want anyone else to hear us.
✨Now there were two of us standing behind the bush, which was damn unsuspicious✨ (of course STUPID)
I told him that I only wanted to see the philosophy teacher, but how could I say that in a way that wouldn't be misunderstood??????? NOT POSSIBLE.
So I could see R's face getting more and more grim as I whispered fiercely to him like an idiot teenager then he asked:
"Why are you spying on M?
I to be honest with him, so I told him that a couple of my friends think M looks good and I just want to make sure.
Actually, I knew very well that there was nothing to react to this, so when R just stared at me in amazement, I told him to forget it was such a girly thing. Then our awkward situation was finally interrupted by the end of class and the students were just coming out of the room, and I remember very well that when I wanted to hide behind the bush, R grabbed my shoulder and specifically pushed me away from the bush while saying softly:
"Haven't you seen spy movies? No one hides so conspicuously"
At that point I had to laugh, and I'm still laughing now as I write this to you girls, bc yes, it was so funny, even though He wasn't laughing at all, in fact, he was very serious. But ahh he grabbed my shoulder (awwww)
Then M finally came out and guys I have to say, this man is really good looking. Of course, R will always be my first, I just thought I'd give my opinion. So, after quickly analyzing the man, I turned back to R, who I think I shocked with my scene, but before I could open my mouth, he was faster and said:
"I don't think I want to know but I'll ask anyway. So what do you think he looks like?"
I never thought that I would talk to another teacher with him as if we were best friends, but looking back now, it's even funnier than it was then. He seemed to be interested in my opinion, so I told him that the girls were right, and upon closer inspection, M really looks good.
I thought he would think me was childish bc of the whole situation, bc when I was hiding behind the bush, he cut his head like that. But now it's like he's making the same face, only with different emotions, which I don't know what it was, but it's definitely different.
Then he folded his arms in front of him again and then I noticed my bracelet on him and oh my goodness I was so happy for him that I had to grin at him. YES, THAT'S MY BRACELET! WEAR MY BRACELET!🎉
I jumped for joy inside, but then he spoke:
"But he's not too old?"
My mind was completely elsewhere, so at first I didn't understand who was old, but then YES *good morning* I realized that M was still the topic, bc I was the only one who wandered off for a few seconds.
So I quickly snapped: "like you?"
It was sooo funny to see that R coming after me in the hallway telling me not to say he looks 50 years old.
he immediately started explaining to me that He is not old at all and that M is about 45+ years old etc etc. 😭😭😭
So that was the point of the day and obviously not that I survived my exam anyway. Bahahhhaha 🙈
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still thinking abt what happens next. its such a good dissection of blame + morality+ perpetuation of cruel cycles. however i have to admit i don't particularly subscribe to the main body of commentators ' "everyone is scheming and has awful intention" take. i mean. hanlon's razor.-- milo obviously dismembered a dead body. which frankly in no world sounds better than saying he killed her. like, he is obviously culpable of that + incapable of processing that culpability but it's jarring to see everyone immediately locking onto gage as some kind of evil and actively manipulating from the start mastermind. they seem pretty obviously to me to be a preexisting Type Of Guy: isolated, miserable, (obsessive) parasocial relationship w/ people who Do, in fact, Exist, and aren't fake characters in a story (haha). his treatment of milo seems way more in line w/ that kind of "genuinely ignorant of how normal friendships and relationships work" than "secretly plotting your demise "-- the weed & crossbow thing read as familiar to me. pressuring, yes, but not actively so. thats just like... the way people are? the way u act when you're kind of awkwardly acquaintances/frienfs w someone and u invite them 2 partake in ur hobbies. just sucks that gage's hobbies are literally only stalking murderers + getting high w the nastiest bong u havr ever seen + shooting white monster cans in the woods with a crossbow. the effect is negative, obviously, because milo is a fucking basket case on a ton of medications with a criminal record for sawing off a girl's arms and the looming threat of inpatient if he doesnt behave over his head. not downplaying the other thing btw that's in a different category imo & while the kiss itself wasnt inherently a Bad Thing to Do imo their reaction & justification absolutely was.. still kind of weird 2 me that it appears like there's a bigger sympathy for claire (dealt with the trauma by becoming a transphobic turning point usa girlie who uses her sister's notoriety to advocate for punishing minors in the justice system even worse & treating her gf like shit) than gage (obviously fucked in the head minimum wage worker with no bar for what a normal interaction or relationship looks like at all.) OR vikki (trans woman of color whos career! is to stir up shit! even if she was kind of a cunt!) anyway the milo / claire parallels are baller i love when people fucking hate each other but are so similar... girl its been nine years stop sticking your fingers in your own bloody wounds stop it stop it stop it! when will u stop reliving the trauma ever day for its own sake. (claire's self harming actions here are obviously infinitely worse because she is like,,, Actively Hurting So Many People. and for what! so she can wear awful dresses and get hit on by oily white senators and drag the bleeding dead weight of her sisters body around everywhere she goes?) ahhh what ever. good book i have to pack now.
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Sometimes I wonder if my TCs have ever stumbled across this blog, wondering if my posts pertain to them.
I’ve had a teacher and band director send me an ask in my inbox before, so that just made me curious…
What would they say? Would they just scoff and close the tab? Push it to the side and forget about it; assume they’re not that special? Would they bookmark it and find themselves keeping track of it? Would they invite me to their office and question me? Keep a closer eye on me and the way I act around them? Try to test me and say something specific to really see if I’m writing about them?
Anyway… just food for thought.
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