#technically I have been a lawyer for 9 months but I started my lawyer job 6 months ago :) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

twtangel-arts · 4 years

Text

POG HEADCANNON FOR TUBBOS PERSONALITY???!!!

How come I don’t see that Much talk about Tubbos personality? Like.... they all must know each other right?! SO MUCH POTENTIAL!!!

Before I go and talk about the headcanons. I would like to thank my good friend @peak-wilbur-dumbass for helping me create most of these “big brain” headcannon! Half are what we created, I created, and what she created :3

But I be talking about:

Big Law

Big Crime

Dr.TB (Dr. Theropiest-bo)

Tubbox

and TOOB

the others were either hard to come up with or little was know of them (or we got lazy shsgsghssh)

Now on to the headcannon! It’s going to be a long one boys :3 so click “read more” to read it!!

Enjoy :)

We All know Tubbos personality right?

Well if you don’t

have the links to the Dream SMP wiki fandom about Tubbo!! :3

The reason why me and friend couldn’t create other headcannon for the Tubbos personality its because they had too little detail about them.

Hohoohoh! But is it the same with Tubbox? He has small details about him to!

Just wait :)

Now that you got some knowledge of the personality I will now start the Headcannon

NUMBER 1: BIG LAW

He’s the first Tubbo Ego. So he’s technically the oldest of all the Tubbos Personality

He monotone, and he really doesn’t show that much emotion. He’s all serious and shit

Speaking of that, he only shows a bit of emotion towards some he loves (like his personality brothers)

Now he LOVES to read the law. he has books on laws, on the judgment system. Government, crime solving, being a lawyer and other lawyery book stuff.

That fucker probably has a secret stash of Domino’s cookies and won’t share them 🙄🙄

He’s also the ‘heaviest’ out of the Tubbo because he eats those cookies DGZGSGSHX

Rights?! who needs them? YOU DONT ALLOW SHIT BITCH!

THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PERSONALITY?!??!?!11

TOOB: he doesn’t like him that much. Even tho TOOB doesn’t bother him that much, He still claims TOOB annoys him way to much. But he still likes his dumb bro (3/10)

DR.TB: mmm it’s a neutral, they can vibe. Tho Big Law doesn’t like when hes steals is cookies to make some ‘flavors’ (5/10)

Big Crime: (-10/10) do I need to say more? Big Crime DOSE CRIME!! Big law DOES LAW!!! Smh🙄🙄 But for real tho, they care for each other, love-hate brother hood lmao (4/10)

Tubbox: Big law LOVES him! Why? HES IN A BOX BEING HAPPY OK?! HE BOUNCES UP AND DOWN IN A BOX!!!! Tho... he can get to hyper for big law....a box huh? He likes to see him again (8/10)

—

NUMBER 2: BIG CRIME

The second oldest of the personality :3

*pats his head* this boi can fit so much emotion

HES A CRIME B O Y!!! A DIRTY LITTLE CRIME B O Y

He’s quite strong,,,, a bit stronger then Tubbo too! The strongest out of all the personality

He’s a hothead and short tempered like....don’t pisss him off.... please don’t-

He can get overprotective with his brothers. He will kill a bitch for them... and that bitch is Techno

so yeah... he like...vary emotional :3

THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PERSONALITY 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

TOOB: he’s annoying as hell, He hates him, he want to snap his neck, DUDE STFU AND GET AWAY FROM ME.. but he will still die for him uwu (4/10)

Dr. TB: he’s a good theropiest! Normally Big crime would go to him >or been forced by him shshsh< When he need something to calm his nerves or just wants to talk....tho their relationship has grown a bit distant after the incident that happened months ago (7/10)

Big Crime: (-10/10) AGAIN!!! HE DOES CRIME, THE OTHER DOSE THE LAW!!. But to be honest with y’all, Big Crime makes fun of Big law when ever he shows emotion. Ex:

“I thought you were all serious and shit?”

“I am tho?”

“Nah, I just saw you crying back there because you dropped your cookie on the floor”

“SHUT UP!!! IT WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT I HAVE LEFT-“

Anyway yeah, love-hate relationship 🥰🥰 (4/10)

4. Tubbox: he will protect him in all costs, he makes him smile The most. You could say Tubbox is his favorite personality brother.... now he’s just angry. He wants to see him one more time. (10/10)

—

NUMBER 3: DR. THEROPIEST-BO (DR. TB)

He’s the best theropiest out there :D

I feel like he know what he’s doing, even tho it may not look like it.

He the family therapist....lul

He like...still in the world of headcannon

He knows what he’s doing guys, believe me

RELATIONSHIP TIME BITCH!!!

TOOB: he doesn’t like him that much, one time TOOB decided to mess around with his ‘Flavors’.... yeahhh he wasn’t to happy about that (4/10)

Big Law: they have a neutral type of relationship, they barely get in to any fights. He’s actually the only person that Dr.TB can fully understand/work with! (7/10)

Big Crime: now.... he used to be the person that Big crime will go to when he starts to act up.... but, they barely talk anymore dude. After what happened to Tobbox? Yeah, let’s just say Dr.TB was at the verge to end his whole Theropey job because of Big Crime :/ (4/10)

Tubbox: he loves him, he misses him, he hates Techno. He tried to be there for everyone when they lost him.... He wants to see Tubbox. His life was cut to short. Anyways... he was a bit difficult to work with for theropey (9/10)

—

NUMBER 4: Tubbox

So.... do you understand why I put him here despite him having little information known about him?

THATS RIGHT!!

ITS LINKED TO THE INCIDENT THAT HAPPENED TO TUBBO BY TECHNOBLADE >:D

but how? Well, he realized that Tubbo was in a box. He thought

“Tubbo in box? I’m Tubbox! I liked Boxes :D time to take over and be in a box- o h”

Yeahhh....not the box you want to be in pal... with that, Tubbox died with Tuboo. Obviously, Tubbo responded back to life.... but Tubbox didn’t....he’s dead.....

A N Y W A Y S

He’s a mute!!! He can only speak in Sign language:D!!

So with that... every single Tubbos personality knows how to do sign language and read sign language!

They like to speak sign language for he can feel a bit included :3

He likes it when he makes his personality brothers smile, it’s just give him a lot of joy

Stimming? A stimming boy? He likes to flap his hands up and down🥺

HES JUST FILLED WITH JOY MAN!!

What were the relationship that he had with the others?

TOOB: He love his! He doesn’t understand why people think he’s annoying?! Like... he thinks it’s funny how he speaks in 3rd and 1st person!! Tho.... I think there’s this one time where he invaded his personal space while in the box.(9/10)

DR.TB: AGAIN!!! HE LOVES HIM!!! He loves it when he sees him at work! He keeps him Company!! (10/10)

Big Law: LOVES HIM!! HES THE ONLY PERSON THAT MAKES BIG LAW SHOW A BIT MORE EMOTION!!! And big law might say it’s annoying and he hates it... but Tubbox knows he secretly love it uwu (10/10)

BIG Crime: do I need to say more? Tubbox LOVES big Crime! he wants to see him smile more!! He wants him to be happy! So... he hangs out with Big Crime more then the other personality. (20/10)

(The last one) Number 5: TOOB

Yes

TOOB good guy

TOOB little annoying? No BIG annoying!

He likes to mess around with his brothers lol

He understand that he’s annoying once awhile, but that just because he finds it funny

I LIKE THE LORD-

Did I forget to mention that TOOB has the little brother vibes? Like... he’s the annoying little brother that he’s hated but at the same time he’s also loved (considering he is the youngest out of all the personalities dddjtdjtdjt)

So yeah... Stan TOOB lmao

THE RELATIONSHIP TIME IS HERE FOR ONE LAST TIME!!

Dr. TB: he likes him, he enjoys messing around with his flavors, heehhehehe Angry doctor go brrrr (7/10)

Big Law: he doesn’t bother him that much, he’s all serious and shit, no big reaction. TOOB sad, but he can still annoy him while he being a lawyer >:3 (5/10)

Big Crime: HOHOHO HE LOVES TO ANNOY HIM!! HE HAS THE BEST REACTION TOWARDS HIM!! One time he mad Big crime squeal at a high pitch then normal....let’s just say things got UGLY!!! (20/10)

Tubbox: he misses him, he’s kinda the only personality that gives him the respect he wants.... he wants his box bro back :( TOOB sad now.... (10/10)

——————————————

THAT WAS A LONG ONE HUH CHAT?!

Once again i would like to thank my good friend Ally ( @peak-wilbur-dumbass ) for helping me create half of these Headcannons for the Tubbos personality! Give her some support lul :3

#dream smp #Tubbo #tubbo mcyt #Tubbo alt egos #mcyt #mcyt headcanons #mcyt fandom #headcannons #big law #big Crime #TOOB #tubbox #Dr. Theropiest-bo #Dr. TB #my headcanons

22 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

1140

"Working 9-5, what a way to make a living"

survey by lets-make-surveys

1 - What is it that do you for a living? How long have you been doing that particular job? Have mentioned this a few times, but I work at a PR agency which lets me work with a number of local and international brands and help them out with their campaigns. I’ve been with the company for 6ish months when I first started as an intern, but I officially got hired as an associate 4 months ago.

I had originally sent a letter of interest since they didn’t have any vacancies at the time, and they got back to me with an internship offer and told me they’ll get back to me should they have any openings; so it’s nice that they kept their word.

2 - Did you need to go to university or college in order to do the job that you do? I mean I think it helped my chances of scoring the job, and the skills I picked up in taking up journalism definitely remains useful; but ultimately, I don’t think people need degrees to be able to work as long as they prove to be capable.

3 - Do you work a 9-5 job or are your hours a lot more flexible? It’s a 9–6, but we have a lunch break so it’s technically 8 hours. The hours get more flexible the higher your position.

4 - Do you have to wear a uniform for your job or do you get to wear whatever you want? What is it that you typically wear to work? We don’t have a uniform but we do have a dress code. Not that I have to strictly follow it in the meantime, since we’re WFH and I always work in my loungewear lol.

5 - What are the best bits about your job? What about the worst bits? The best is that it’s literally a fun job. We make cute curated kits for media and bloggers on a regular basis, we interact with celebrities and influencers, and it’s nice to write press releases and other materials that don’t strictly adhere to the rigid and robotic journalistic style that I had to use throughout college. Plus it’s always fun to be the first to be in the know of what campaigns or launches brands are coming up with, hahaha. It’s especially fun on my part since I actually consume the brands that I work with ;)

Worst part would have to be dealing with pesky clients, or clients that have no idea what direction they want to take. As an agency, of course it’s our job to help them; but when a client sounds completely clueless, that affects the pitches that we present as well. PR crises also stress me out, but luckily we’re led by an amazing team of bosses who handle everything smoothly.

6 - How many jobs (including your current one) have you had in total? Just this one. I’ve also had two internships as well, both in PR.

7 - How old were you when you got your first job? What was it that you did? I was 22. I recognize how lucky I am to score a job during the pandemic, so I definitely haven’t taken this opportunity for granted.

8 - As a teenager, did you ever babysit, wash cars or walk dogs in order to make a bit of extra money? No, babysitting isn’t really the norm here. My parents used to give me a weekly allowance when I was still a student.

9 - Are you working in the field you wanted to work in when you were younger? I’ve gone a slightly different route. PR is still under the umbrella of journalism, but I’ve done away with the news reporting and documentary-making side of it.

10 - How may days a week do you work? Do you work full or part-time hours? Monday to Friday. I work full-time, with the occasional overtime because of how hectic everything is most of the time.

11 - Do you make good money for what you do? Can you live comfortably on the money you earn? What I earn is the standard starting salary for most fresh grads so I’m not actively complaining about it, but it could be more tbh. I for sure can’t live alone with what I make. All I’m really looking for at this point in my life is to have enough to give my parents and be able to give myself the occasional treat, so overall I’m okay with how much I make.

12 - Aside from bills/rent/mortgage/groceries, what do you spend most of your income on? Food, heh.

13 - What job have you enjoyed doing the most? What about the least? I’ve only had one job.

14 - Have you ever worked the night shift? Did you enjoy it? If not, is it something you'd ever consider doing in the future? No, and I wouldn’t consider it. It’s just a lot more convenient to get my work done during the day and be able to rest at night.

15 - Given the choice, would you want to work for yourself or for someone else? Not sure if I have it in me to run my own company or business.

16 - Would you ever be able to work with your partner and maintain your sanity? Probably not, but I think it depends on how we mesh. In my past experience, I couldn never work in harmony with Gab on some college projects we worked on because our work habits were very different. I’m super uptight and like being able to lead and attend to every detail, while she’s super independent. This is why I like working with Bea, who's very by-the-book and likes to direct every aspect of my deliverables.

17 - Do you work in a job where your appearance is important, or do you have to dress practically instead? Appearance is for sure a factor. We’re constantly handling events and managing clients, so we definitely have to make it look like it’s a ~glamorous job, at least on the outside.

18 - Have you ever had a big argument with a co-worker? What happened? No, and I’m very non-confrontational so I hope to never have to deal with this situation. Luckily we’re all very close-knit and able to maturely deal with mistakes and disagreements.

19 - Have you ever had a romantic relationship with someone you met through work? Did things work out in the long run? No. I’m not sure I’d want to entertain something like this, since it could be awkward if we broke up; I’m also worried it would affect not just my work, but also the dynamic and the vibe in the workplace.

20 - If you could do any job in the world (assuming you'd earn a decent living from it), what would you do and why? Probably a writer in the lifestyle beat where I get to try out all the fancy hotels to stay at and all the best steaks to eat for free, lol. I have media contacts who do exactly this and I loooove following their lives. I’d also be a lawyer, if only I wasn’t such a crybaby in arguments.

21 - If you won the lottery (assuming you won enough to live off comfortably), would you give up work? Most likely.

22 - Have you ever walked out of a job without giving notice? What were the circumstances surrounding it? Never. Again, too afraid of confrontation or consequences lol. I’d most likely do this if there was a group walkout, though.

23 - Have you ever been formally disciplined at work for any reason? What happened? Nope.

24 - Have you ever been sacked from a job before? I haven’t.

25 - What are the best workplace benefits you've ever had in a job? Do you have any in your current workplace? In my orientation I was told that the company has annual outings abroad, which I found fucking sweeeeeeeet?! Most, if not all, companies just do out-of-towns, so the fact that there’s enough budget to go to countries like Japan sounds super fun.

Not necessarily a ~workplace benefit~ but I also appreciate how my employer gives a big emphasis on mental health and self-care. It’s nice not to be treated like a cog or a robot.

26 - Do you work in the same location everyday, or do you find yourself travelling around a lot? I work at home, so... but based on what I’ve picked up from my co-workers’ conversations, they did regularly have to travel to our clients’ headquarters or offices pre-pandemic to hold meetings and present decks and stuff.

27 - Have you ever turned up to work drunk or high? Did you get caught or did you end up in trouble? Nah. I wouldn’t dare to do so either.

28 - Are you currently working towards any kind of promotion or payrise? Do you think you'll have any luck? I mean, that is obviously the goal; but I have a long way to go.

29 - Have you ever had a boss that you felt was incompetent or poor at their job? Did you ever tell them how you felt? Mmm no, not so far. I did recently get a new manager since Bea got promoted, but I think she’s been competent so far.

30 - Do you earn an annual salary or are you paid hourly? Not sure how to answer this because math HAHA but I get paid every two weeks.

#survey #surveys

4 notes · View notes

supercasey · 4 years

Text

More Info on Scout’s Brothers in my Interpretation of Them

From working on my latest TF2 fic, I’ve been getting even more invested in my interpretations of Scout’s brothers than I was back when I wrote “Jeremy” last month, so here’s more information on them, including their appearances, who their spouses end up being later on in life, and their kids (if they have any).

(Putting this under a readmore for the sake of literally everyone)

((Tumblr, please don’t fuck this up for mobile readers. If it does end up looking like crap, I’ll make a Google Doc for this.))

Name: Grant Grayson-Kennedy Jr. Age: 34 (11 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Bisexual Hair Color: Dark Brown Eye Color: Grey Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Grant Grayson Sr. Their S/O: Amelia O’Malley (36) Their Children: Lauren Grayson-Kennedy (8), Kara Grayson-Kennedy (6), Rupert Grayson-Kennedy (4.5), Timothy Grayson-Kennedy (2) Occupation: Air Force Veteran/Lawyer Personality: The family peacekeeper. Probably the most pragmatic of his siblings (though he’s still quite the fighter), Grant has been helping his mom out with his brothers from almost the very beginning, becoming more helpful as more kids were born. He’s a family man, and adores his family to bits, doing almost anything to keep them safe. Was actually considered as a possible recruit by The Administrator, but she decided to not hire him in the end, as he seemed too wise to be manipulated.

Name: Timothy Grayson-Kennedy Age: 32 (9 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Homosexual Hair Color: Dark Brown Eye Color: Dark Brown Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Grant Grayson Sr. Their S/O: Duke Hammond (32) Their Children: Sarah Kennedy-Hammond (3), Jeremy Kennedy-Hammond (1) Occupation: Cartoonist Personality: The family heart. The most gentle of his brothers, Timmy is especially close with Jeremy and Grant. Kinda nervous about being a father, but with his childhood best friend turned lover at his side, he isn’t quite as scared anymore. Stays in contact with his siblings well enough, but tends to lose track of events/announcements due to living all the way in California. Doesn’t approve of mercenary work in general.

Name: Jacob Grayson-Kennedy Age: 31 (8 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Heterosexual Hair Color: Light Blond Eye Color: Light Blue Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Grant Grayson Sr. Their S/O: None Their Children: Ana Grayson-Kennedy (3), Mia Grayson-Kennedy (3) Occupation: Freelance Guitarist Personality: The family sword. Was always pretty rough ‘n tumble even when compared to his brothers, so he got into a lot of trouble alongside Malcolm when he was a teen. Finally cleaned up his act when a one-night-stand resulted in him having twin daughters, who he loves dearly and has sole custody of. Has a better relationship with Arthur now that they’re adults, and actually lives with him in downtown Boston.

Name: Arthur Grayson-Kennedy Age: 31 (8 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Pansexual Hair Color: Dark Blond Eye Color: Dark Blue Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Grant Grayson Sr. Their S/O: Markus Browning (29) Their Children: None Occupation: Carpenter Personality: The family shield. Not quite as mellow as Timmy is, but he’s pretty damn close in terms of general kindness towards his family and friends. Has struggled in the past to find his calling, but he loves his job in carpentry, and loves that he gets to live with his twin and nieces! Has an on and off boyfriend who he keeps a secret from the family, as he’s nervous to come out as pan, even though Timmy’s been out as gay for a few years now.

Name: Patrick Walsh-Kennedy Age: 30 (7 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Heterosexual Hair Color: Black Eye Color: Brown Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Terrence Walsh Their S/O: Felicity Homer (28) Their Children: None Occupation: Hairdresser Personality: The family shadow. He’s never liked being in the spotlight, even when he was young and into street brawls. Was beaten by his bio dad a lot as a kid, so he’s fairly skittish as a result; jumps at loud noises and has claustrophobia. Still checks in on the family every once in awhile, but he prefers to stay with his GF in relative solitude. Loves his job so much, even if it does involve being social sometimes.

Name: Malcolm Walsh-Kennedy Age: 27 (4 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Heteromantic Asexual Hair Color: Black Eye Color: Brown Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Terrence Walsh Their S/O: Dolores Jamison Their Children: Luke Kennedy-Jamison (5) Occupation: Wrestler Personality: The family instigator. Was by far the most reckless and violent of his brothers (yes, even more so than Jacob), which led to him getting arrested a number of times in his teens. Is trying to turn his life around, but it’s hard for him. After he found out that Jeremy is a mercenary, he flipped his lid, and he’s still pissed at him about it. Loves his son, his wife, his mama, his brothers, and that’s about it tbh.

Name: Curtis Walsh-Kennedy Age: 26 (3 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Bisexual Hair Color: Dark Blond Eye Color: Blue Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Terrence Walsh Their S/O: None Their Children: None Occupation: BLU Scout Personality: The family drifter. Spent a lot of his childhood teasing Jeremy and trying to be his mom’s favorite, neither of which worked in his favor. His mom still loves him of course, but he’s not the favorite (no one is). He drifted for a long while after high school, struggling to land a job, before he was hired to join BLU team as their Scout. Now he continues teasing Jeremy as an adult, which leads to a lot of matches turning into Scout vs Scout fights.

Name: Jeremy Kennedy Age: 23 Gender: Transgender Man Sexuality: Pansexual Hair Color: Brown Eye Color: Baby Blue Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Jeffery REDACTED Their S/O: None Their Children: None Occupation: RED Scout Personality: The family runt. He tried so hard to keep up with his brothers as a kid, but was always told to not play as rough due to him being FTM. After coming out to the family as a man, and living on his own for awhile, he’s become even closer to his brothers than he was before, save for maybe Curtis, who he fights with every time they see each other. He knows Curtis is the BLU Scout and constantly teases him for losing so often to RED, which leads to even more fights between them. (I should note that I don’t characterize Jeremy as transgender in the Kids AU, mostly because I think he’d be too young to come out, and seeing as I don’t want to write him as a “girl” for the entirety of the AU... he can be trans in that AU if you want him to be, but I feel uncomfortable writing such a young child as being trans, so do with that what you will.)

Information on the dads!

Grant Grayson Sr.: Grant, Timothy, Jacob, and Arthur’s dad. He was a well respected man when he was alive, and actually had a decent relationship with Becky for the most part, but it became more strained when he left for war after the twins were born. About a year into his military service, Grant was killed in action, leaving Becky a widow. She loved him, but after his death, she accepted the fact that it wouldn’t have lasted forever with him, though she still misses him sometimes.

Terrence Walsh: Patrick, Malcolm, and Curtis’s dad. He tried hooking up with Becky the minute Grant was shipped overseas, but she always turned him down, as she was married and not a cheater. After Grant’s death though, he swooped in and convinced Becky to start going out with him, leading to Patrick’s birth and a second marriage for Becky. Unfortunately, Terrance was a real POS, and he routinely beat the kids as well as Becky. He was assassinated a few weeks after Curtis was born by Spy, freeing Becky of his abuse.

Jeffery REDACTED: The RED Spy/Jeremy’s dad. He met Becky while she was still stuck in an abusive marriage with Terrence, and soon after they met, Becky begged for his help in getting rid of her husband so she and kids could finally be safe. Feeling bad for the mother, Spy did just that, killing Terrence and making it look like an accident. Afterwards he planned on going on his merry way, but Becky convinced him to stay in her home while he waited for more work to roll in. During this time, they fell in love, and he soon married her (though it was an under the table sort of deal, where he also took on her last name), and after a year or so of marriage, Becky became pregnant with Jeremy. Unfortunately for Spy, people were after him, so he had to leave the family behind, but he’s still technically married to Becky, and she refuses to date anyone in his absence.

And that’s what I’ve got! Btw, I chose the last name “Kennedy” for the family based on the quote “You’ve got the luck of a Kennedy!” since I headcanon that Scout’s Mom has been through a lot, and in turn so have all of her children in one way or another. The family’s unlucky, but at least they’ll always have each other! Feel free to ask me questions about the family if you have any.

#tf2 #tf2 headcanons #tf2 scout #tf2 scout's mom #tf2 scout's brothers #tf2 spy #red scout #blu scout #long post

60 notes · View notes

tooanxiousforrivers · 4 years

Text

been struggling real hard since the start of the year (2021, not academic year or whatever (although let’s be real the academic year as a whole has also been pretty bad)) and this culminated in me deciding to take a leave of absence from my research as of this week. I am already struggling to honor the things I was feeling that led me to this point, so here goes a diary post

first of all, I am increasingly convinced that I was just never really trained properly for the project I ended up working on. last year, prior to COVID shutdown, I was being trained on separatory techniques for carbon nanotubes. I was starting to independently push forward on new nanotube separations when COVID hit, and I spent all of shutdown reading papers about carbon nanotubes... But then when I came back to lab I was suddenly working on organic synthesis, which utilizes precisely zero of the skills I had been developing beforehand. There were a few reasons behind the change, and I initially gave it an ok when another grad student double-checked with me that I even wanted to do this new project, but what I didn’t realize at that time was that my in-lab mentor would not be able to help me with the majority of the work (basically she knew how to make one half of the molecule I wanted to make, but not the other half). that other half of the molecule turns out to be NOTORIOUSLY difficult to work with, and the only way to make any progress on it is to just work at such large scales that even a 5% yield is “good enough.” But no one working with me had the wherewithal (or cared enough) to tell me that, so all my newcomer enthusiasm died with months of failure trying to make that molecule.

so I’m working really long days, not really making anything other than “an earnest effort,” and then in November the most senior member of the lab who is a week away from defending his dissertation fucking loses it at me and one other second-year about how we are wasting time, etc, etc. We have since moved on from that as people, but it still sort of traumatized me and left me very very uncomfortable existing in that space. ended up feeling like I was under a microscope, any second not actively spent with my hands on something was a criminal offense, not eating/taking breaks... this was obviously not very sustainable and I ended up working even fewer hours, which made showing up at all even more agonizing, as I anticipated eventual future blowout. rinse and repeat. losing sleep and not getting anything done outside of lab with the anxiety of it all.

by January, I’m seriously losing it, and finally make a meeting with my advisor to try to explain things to him. I also disclose having ADHD and pin a lot of my struggle on “working on a treatment plan.” He is sympathetic and wants to help however he can, but I can’t think of anything he can do for me, so we leave things unfinished. A week later, he sets up a meeting with me (and two other second-years, all separately) to tell us we’re not spending enough time in lab, we are going to delay our prelim exams, and we’re now going to work one-on-one with a post-doc in the lab. While it was not very cool of him to do it the way he did, I actually did feel genuine relief at the time. Like maybe I would finally be able to fill in the gaps in my technical abilities with this change

HOWEVER, working with this post-doc was... not it. The first thing he suggested to me was to stick with one synthetic target (as opposed to the three I had in total), and just keep pushing on that front until it was done. This resulted in me making intermediate, purifying it, trying the next step in the synthesis, having it fail, and having to go back and make more intermediate OVER AND OVER AGAIN for weeks. It was about this time that I started uncontrollably weeping in the lab on a daily basis. (side note: the corner of lab I work in is pretty thinly populated, so no one ever saw me cry despite weeks of this going on! hooray isolation!) oh, and let’s not forget that the second-years are all TAing this semester, which conveniently chops of my schedule beyond the point of usefulness.

last week, I suddenly felt like this just wasn’t worth it anymore. could not even recognize what “it” was that was supposed to be worth it all along. professorship is a) extremely rare, b) very arduous to attain, with possibly a decade or more of grueling research, and c) possibly not even the dream job I thought it to be, once attained. I was thinking about how my husband is a fucking lawyer and can provide for us if needed. I was thinking about how this is the only life I get to live and I can’t justify spending over a decade of it literally tormenting myself and inhaling/pouring carcinogens on myself with no real promise of substantial payoff. spent all day Friday talking things out with senior lab members (actually the same guy who screamed at me in November, he’s an odd one), as well as the director of graduate studies. I resolved to get back on nanotube work, and just try to better manage my stress by getting support from others... by Sunday when I met with my advisor again, I had convinced myself that “I have all the resources I need to succeed, I just need to utilize them.”

Monday, I met with my psychiatrist, who literally asked me why I wanted to be in grad school at all. I floundered and said something vacuous, and she kinda nodded then prescribed me Prozac. I also spent Monday and Tuesday trying to get back into nanotube work, but by midday Tuesday I was already feeling the dread creeping in... and my threshold for adversity was just nil at that point, I guess, because I literally went and found both my the senior people I was working with and just flat out told them I quit. My friend helped me pack up my desk that day, and I was out the door by 3:30. Emailed my advisor after I got home. by the end of the day, I rationalized that the “precipitating event” was realizing that I don’t want to be on antidepressants, since I’ve been down that road before, and that this is not worth that.

so, spending the last couple of days talking to others and thinking about what to do next, I still don’t have an answer. everyone’s first piece of advice was to find some masters-level industry job, but right now I still feel too close to it to even see myself doing chemistry at all, or a 9-5 at all. like, part-time tutoring is the most I can entertain in my mind right now. but I know it’s better to keep the door open, and my advisor is still SOMEHOW my #1 fan, so this is just a leave of absence for the time being. the details of that will be hammered out once I meet with the director of my program, but right now I know I’ll continue my TA work (since I hope I’ll get to still be paid) and I’ll finish the class I’m taking since my advisor told me the whole grade is just going to be some 30 minute presentation at the end of the semester, and I am pretty sure I can pull that off rather than end with a W on my transcript.

the main things for me to figure out are: (1) do I want to pull together a non-thesis master’s defense in the next month, to secure a master’s in case I decide not to return after my leave of absence? (2) do I feel that a leave of absence will make a difference at all? Will coming back to the lab after some time away resolve the problems I’ve been having, or will it all just build up all over again? and (3) do I still want a Ph.D-dependent career? What do I even want to do?

3 notes · View notes

discovisiondreams · 4 years

Text

Top 15 First Watches of 2020

I’ve never been good at staying current on pop culture, and that became especially pronounced in 2020. A year where most of the anticipated theatrical releases were pushed to VOD (and the price nearly tripled) meant that a lot of flicks I was excited for got added to the end of the “Maybe Someday” watchlist.

But in this strange year, I did manage to watch 245 movies- and 195 of those were first-time watches. Some were new, only available on the (virtual) festival circuit. Some were Criterion mainstays, films I’m horrified to admit I hadn’t seen before. But this year, when movies cemented themself as my biggest joy, I began to really track what I watched- including a “top 5 first watches of the month” roundup for every month. These top 5s weren’t ranked, and weren’t even based on technical ability, strength of dialogue, or critical acclaim. They were just the 5 I loved the best.

So without further ado, here are my top 15 of the year- one selected from the top 5 of each month, with some bonus entries thrown in as well. As a general rule, I only included features on this list- I was fortunate enough to catch shorts that streamed at Chattanooga Film Fest, Celebration of Fantastic Fest, and more, but to add them to the running would have made writing this listicle absolutely impossible.

HONORABLE Honorable Mention: The Holiday. Inspired by the fine folks at Super Yaki, I finally watched this Nancy Meyers classic. Why is it two and a half hours long?! Why is that two and a half hours so significantly lacking in Jack Black?! The scenes that Black is in, though, really shine. This one is going to be a Christmas mainstay in the Disco household (and not just because I spent money on the DVD).

15: The Love Witch (Honorable Mention, April). This one came highly recommended to me by friends of all sorts, and like most of my 2020 first watches, I’m deeply embarrassed that it took me this long to get to it. Upon finally watching it, on a rainy Sunday, I described the movie in general (and the color palette, specifically) as “sumptuous,” which is one of the most complimentary visual descriptors I can bestow upon a movie. The plot felt a little convoluted at times, but I still found The Love Witch incredibly enjoyable and am hoping to explore more of writer-director Anna Biller’s filmography in 2021.

14: The Guest (Honorable Mention, October). The Guest is one of the few movies I watched multiple times this year- and the only one I watched twice in one week. From the sultry industrial soundtrack selections to the numerous visual nods to Halloween III: Season of the Witch, The guest was Extremely My Shit. The casting here is truly tremendous- especially Maika Monroe, who was similarly brilliant in It Follows. Also of note: Lance Reddick, one of my current favourite character actors.

13: The Fast and The Furious (Honorable Mention, May). 2 Fast 2 Furious (and its bespoke theme song, Act A Fool, by Ludacris) came out when I was in the 6th grade. Do you remember the music and movies that entered the world when you were in 6th grade? Do you have an inexplicable zealous love for them? 2F2F was the only film in the Fast Cinematic Universe I had seen for a long, long time. Then I saw Fate of the Furious. Then I bought the series box set, as a joke?? And then, slowly but then also all at once, I genuinely started to love this franchise. Some of them are truly ridiculous. Some of them are genuinely bad. But the first one? The Fast and The Furious (2001)? Timeless. Point Break updated and adapted for the early-aughts, The Fast and the Furious walked so The Italian Job (2003) could run. Without The Fast and The Furious, Paul Walker would just be “the guy from Tammy and The T-Rex” to millions of casual cinemagoers. The cultural impact of The Fast and The Furious simply cannot be denied!!

12: Come to Daddy (Top 5, July). Honestly, this is the exact flavor of bonkers bullshit I’ve grown to expect from Elijah Wood, and that is not an indictment. Wood’s genuine love for genre film is evident here, in what can only be described as an uncomfortable film of family, reunion, and redemption. The tense and abrasive first half gives way to a surprisingly relieving wave of violence and exposition in this critically-acclaimed flick.

11: The Stylist (Top 5, September). The feature-length debut of writer-director Jill Gevargizian, based off her short of the same name, is female-led horror that pays homage to genre mainstays like Maniac and Psycho while still being decidedly singular. Not only shot in Kansas City, but set in Kansas City, The Stylist made my midwestern heart happy. This is one that I really, really would have loved to see in a crowded theater auditorium, were this year a different one.

10: In The Mouth of Madness (Top 5, March). Despite being the beginning of pandemic awareness, March was a slow month for me, movie-wise (even though it’s not like I had anything else going on??). But I finally made time for this Carpenter classic, and I’m so happy I did. I’ve long been fascinated by stories about stories, and the people who find themselves trapped within those stories, and this one is truly, in the most basic sense of the word, horrifying. Sam Neill proves that he belongs in horror here, making his role in Event Horizon seem like a natural fit. Also a highlight: noted character actor David Warner, best known (to me) as “Billy Zane’s bodyguard guy in Titanic,” who never ever fails to be unsettling.

9: Profondo Rosso (Top 5, April). Before this year, my only Argento exposure was Suspiria (which is phenomenal), but Deep Red goes off the deep end in all the best ways. The score (by frequent Argento collaborators Goblin) is truly groovy. The number of twists and turns the plot takes is kind of mind-boggling, but also delightful. Daria Nicolodi (RIP) is at the top of her acting game here. This quickly became one of my beloved background movies- if I opened Shudder and Profondo Rosso was playing on one of their live-streaming channels, it stayed on while I was cleaning or cooking or paying bills. Profondo Rosso is a must-watch for those hoping to get into giallo.

8: Crimson Peak (Top 5, November). This one was definitely not what I was expecting, but it was GORGEOUS. I loved the world immediately (a Del Toro trademark, to be honest). As a longtime Pacific Rim stan, it made my heart happy to see Charlie Hunnam and Burn Gorman reunited under Guillermo Del Toro’s vision.

7: Palm Springs (Top 5, August). I am not typically a time-travel movie enthusiast- but I am a sucker for witty repartee and Andy Samberg. This one made me ugly-cry, which I should probably be a bit more ashamed to admit. August had a lot of really great first watches, but the Hulu exclusive takes the cake due to its novel premise, some truly heart-wrenching reveals, and the amazing casting (is there anything JK Simmons cant do?).

6: Scare Package (Top 5, May). Is there any format I love more than the horror anthology? While there have been so many over the years (Creepshow, All the Creatures Were Stirring), Scare Package might be my favourite of them all. A variety of fun and inventive stories combined with a genre-lovers dream of an overarching narrative make this one a must-see- in fact, it was the whole reason I bought a pass to this year’s online version of Chattanooga Film Fest. There’s a cameo here that absolutely knocked my socks off (and continued to do so even on repeat viewings). While the scares here are honestly minimal, Scare Package is a great love letter to the genre at large.

5: Do The Right Thing (Top 5, June). Yes, it took me until 2020 to watch Do The Right Thing for the first time. The palpable tension, the interwoven stories of Bed-Stuy’s residents, all seem timeless. Giancarlo Esposito is, as always, a joy to watch.

4: Knives Out (Top 5, February). “It’s a Rian Johnson whodunnit, duh,” states the SuperYaki! T-shirt famously worn by Jamie Lee Curtis, star of Knives Out (2019). This one has received worlds of critical acclaim, I truly do not know what I could even hope to add to the conversation. I want more old-school murder mystery cinema.

3: The VelociPastor (Top 5, January). It should be testimonial enough that The VelociPastor beat out Miss Americana, Netflix’s Taylor Swift documentary, as the top pick for January- but in case it isn’t, let me end 2020 the way I began it; by evangelizing the HECK out of this movie. Written and directed by up-and-coming triple-threat (Director/songwriter/prolific cat-photo-poster) Brendan Steere, The VelociPastor is a true love letter to genre cinema, complete with a big wink to the criminally underloved Miami Connection. Alyssa Kempinski shines as Carol, a doctor/lawyer/hooker with a heart of gold. The VelociPastor premiered in 2019 but gained tons of attention in 2020 (thanks in part to YouTube sensation Cody Ko)- attention that it truly deserves. A sequel is rumored to be in the works, but mark my words, anything to come from the imagination of Brendan Steere will be worth a watch.

2: Dinner in America (Top 5, October). I genuinely feel sorry for the other movies I watched in October (there were a lot) (they were all SO GOOD). Dinner in America, which I caught during the Nightstream hybrid festival, was not at all what I was expecting. While the other features were all very solidly genre flicks, this was…. A comedy? A modern love story?? I’mn honestly still not exactly sure, but I do know I loved every second of it. I laughed. I cried. I threw my hands up in the air exuberantly (in front of my laptop, looking like a true fool). I did not shut up about this movie online for weeks. I told anyone and everyone that Kyle Gallner is the most underrated actor of my generation and I still believe it! Dinner in America, the story of a punk band frontman who unwittingly takes refuge from the police in the home of his biggest fan, was an unexpectedly heartwarming tale of family, young love, and arson. Watch it as soon as you can.

1: Promising Young Woman (Top 5, December). This last-minute debut from Emerald Fennell, originally scheduled to hit theaters in April of this year, finally made its way to the big screen on Christmas Day, and became the 2020 entry on my annual “Christmas Day Trip to the Theater” list.* Carey Mulligan is an icon and deserves all of the awards for this. The soundtrack is sublime. The casting choices are truly incredible. While I have no doubt that the general themes of the movie will be polarizing, I absolutely loved this one- I sat in my car in the theater parking lot for a WHILE, considering just buying a ticket for the next showtime- that’s how badly I felt like I needed to see it again immediately. I look forward to writing its inevitable Criterion essay.

*Nobody else in rural iowa was interested in seeing this movie at noon on Christmas Day. I’m shocked.

2 notes · View notes

woonanamin · 5 years

Text

Operator Elliott “Judas” Köhler

Name: Elliott Fynn Köhler

Organization: Grenzschutzgruppe 9 (GSG9)

Codename: Judas

Age: 27

Birthday: June 13

Birthplace: Berlin, Germany

Height: 6’0

Weight: 141 lbs

Primary: M870, 552 Commando

Secondary: P12

Gadget: Deployable Shield, Impact Grenades

Unique Gadget: The Weasel

History/Background:

Elliott Köhler was born on June 13, 1992 in Berlin, Germany. He was born to rich parents, Wolfgang and Katrin Köhler. His father was a lawyer while his mother was a stay at home mom. Being the first child of the family, the boy was held high on a pedestal. Not only was he the first, but he was also the last. His parents had tried for years for another boy, but Katrin was infertile which caused a problem in her’s and Wolfgang’s relationship. Several years later, Katrin passed away from a terminal illness leaving Elliott in shambles and Wolfgang acting just fine. The day his mother passed was where Elliott’s life began to get difficult. It was the beginning of the difficult life with his own father.

In high school, Elliott was an intelligent young man who had no direction for his career. He began to act out to make others laugh because it seemed to be the only thing to cheer him up since his mother had passed. Elliott rarely talked about his problems to anyone and his father acted like Katrin never existed. Elliott tried to do that as well, but it would soon bite him in the ass.

At the age of 16, Elliott began to explore who he was. Without a mother’s guidance and a father’s support, Elliott was scared. Sneaking a guy in his room, Elliott began to experiment on his own sexuality. He kept this hidden from his own father knowing there could be consequences. This lasted for months as Elliott kept bring in both women and men. It wasn’t until his father walked in on him experimenting on the same gender. That night Elliott was beat to a pulp and cut off from the family allowance. Only month’s later, Elliott was disowned and kicked out onto the streets with nothing.

Elliott continued going to school, acting as if nothing happened. He seemed to stay the same while everything bad was happening to him. Half the time, Elliott scavenged on the streets for something to eat as everyone walked passed him. His existence in the world felt invisible and it caused the sixteen year old to feel unimportant. It wasn’t until an old man came into his life and decided to take him under his wing.

It wasn’t an odd thing for Kaspar Blaschko to take in young children from the streets. He only did it because he saw himself in all of them. Kaspar, also known as Opa (grandfather) by Elliott, was once a child who lived on the streets and he had always wished for someone to pick him up randomly by chance. He had no support system and it was all he wanted, all he needed. Kaspar was forced to fend for himself and teach himself the way to survive in the awful world. Now, he lived in a small wooden shack being the support system for children who needed it.

Elliott looked up to Kaspar as a part of his family— his true Opa. The old man taught Elliott ways to survive by training him in different fighting styles and ways to take items he dearly needed. Because of Kaspar, Elliott really enjoyed the idea of technology making life better. Kaspar taught him everything about making technical projects to help him in life, thus formed the first version of Elliott’s infamous gadget— The Weasel.

After a whole year of training with Kaspar, Elliott found himself constantly stealing rather than trying to make his life better. For most of his life, things were handed over to him and now he was forced to live on the streets with no guidance. Perhaps it was the sadness over his mother or perhaps it was just pure rage over his damned father. But, something devious was growing within him and Kaspar saw it. Kaspar warned the boy plenty of times that if he didn’t stop his mischief, something would happen to him. Elliott grew angry at the old man from that day forward which causes a lot of tension between their relationship.

Elliott disappeared from Kaspar with no intentions of ever going back. The boy never learned his lesson until an undercover cop finally caught up to him. He was taken down to the local police station where he found out about the year long investigation on him. Panic was settling into the boy’s chest as he felt his heart tighten inside. Elliott and the undercover cop sat in a room with a black glass mirror. The boy truly never thought he’d end up here, but now, he understood what Kaspar was talking about.

Luckily, the undercover cop was caring to the seventeen year old boy. He saw the boy for who he really was under the mask he had been wearing. He wanted a good future for this boy, so he made that his next mission. Elliott went home with the cop, Wes Möller, who decided to give him another chance. Though Elliott didn’t get completely away from being in trouble (he had to do a couple months of community service), he was given another chance at life which made him truly feel wanted and loved. Because of Wes Möller, he finally had a dad, but he also had a reason to live in the now.

Psychological Report:

I find that Operator Judas has a calling in life. He was given several chances to fix his life and it was a journey to get where he is now. Wes Möller played a very big part in Elliott Köhler’s life. He was the reason Elliott become a police officer who strived to be a part of the German counterterrorist group, GSG9.

From my studies on Elliott, I have noted his multiple traumas being important points in how he works. Both on and off the field, Operator Judas sports a mischievous nature that many operators call silly or even just plain dangerous. Elliott has a certain bump in his step that makes people think he lived the best life.

From his mother’s death to sexual identity, from losing everything to gaining everything with a swipe of his hands. All of that led Elliott to where he is today. It shaped his silly personality, his odd ways of showing care to other operators, and even with all that, I know it’s just a mask he hides behind. A mask that he never lets slip until he is finally alone with himself.

I will write back again soon once I figure out Operator Elliott “Judas” Köhler. For now, take note that Mr. Köhler must not be alone at all times. We will check up on him monthly until we are sure he is okay. He is no threat to Team Rainbow, but only a threat to himself.

— Dr. Harishva “Harry” Pandey, Director of Rainbow

Device Evaluation:

Device: “The Weasel” drone

Operator: Specialist Elliott “Judas” Köhler

Evaluation Lead: Specialist Taina “Caveria” Pereira

Specialist Elliott “Judas” Köhler and I understand each other hand in hand. Judas stayed back to tell me everything on his gadget and what got him to this point. He stated that this gadget has been in the makings since he was sixteen years old and was meant to help him steal certain items with a small grasping claw. Köhler continued to explain that the gadget started to evolve into something new because of his job in the German Police Force. Key points in our conversation was how he use to interrogate many terrorists/suspects in the police force and with the GSG9. Köhler, who scavenged for information on certain subjects, made this device for a simpler, much safer way to gather information. While driving the small drone to a suspect, it can be unseen and helps Specialist Köhler get what he needed. To make this gadget pleasing for Rainbow, he decided to mold both version one and two of The Weasel together to combine what we know as the damned drone on the field. What Specialist Elliott “Judas” Köhler has is something that can benefit us all on the field. This gadget needs no fixes and should be good the way it is.

#r6s #elliott/judas #elliott #my ocs #my oc #r6s oc #r6s ocs #gsg9 #rainbow 6 #rainbow 6 siege #rainbow six #rainbow six siege #r6s blitz #r6s iq #r6s jager #r6s bandit #r6s gsg9

33 notes · View notes

canaryatlaw · 4 years

Text

well today was better than yesterday I guess. less crying, though I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. I woke up at like noon or so and had a bagel which was enjoyable, and everything kind of stewed for a while there. I managed to sneak enough time to watch this week’s Batwoman episode on my laptop with earbuds in because I definitely couldn’t watch it anywhere anyone else could see it. I liked it, the beginning was fucking heartbreaking, and then some really good scenes throughout it, and props to them for making Kate actually have to deal with her trauma and ptsd from the choices she’s made, so I enjoyed that. I think making the choice for Mouse and Alice to stay in Arkham and rise up there instead of breaking out was highly interesting as well, and I’m excited to see where they go from there, so definite props to the show for making at least some good choices. the rest of the day was pretty slow, a million people keep bringing us food so we ended up having dinner outside on the patio and god my brain keeps betraying me when I was thinking to type just now that we all had dinner on the patio my brain was like “well it wasn’t all of us because we were waiting for Dad to come home” like barely as a subconscious thought and then there’s a stab in my gut when I remember he’s not coming home, this is it, this is my family forever. 5 people now, not 6. and all of that is just really hard to deal with. but anyways. we were talking about handling financial stuff and how to deal with the law office, because in order to own a law office you have to be a lawyer licensed in that state, so you can only inherit one under those conditions, which my mom who would be the first choice doesn’t meet, my older brother does but he’s also currently employed as an ADA and he can’t own what is essentially a defense firm and at the same time be employed by the government as a prosecutor, so he would have to leave his job and take over the firm, which was always going to be the plan somewhere down the road, we just didn’t expect it to happen now. so he has to figure out what he wants to do on that. the other options were like installing another lawyer we trust to run the practice while keeping them on a fairly short leash, or to sell it or combine in with another practice, and when we got to that point in the conversation my mom started crying and saying that is never what Dad would’ve wanted, and he spent so much time building up the practice and all the good will he has with people she doesn’t want to see it just sold off, so we of course comforted her and said ofc we’d never do anything that Dad wouldn’t have wanted. it’s an odd dynamic, dealing with this stuff with my mom, because of course she’s still the parent in the situation, but both my brother and I are lawyers who know the technicalities of it much better than she does, and I don’t want it to be like we’re being patronizing or making decisions for her when that shouldn’t be happening. she’s stressed because of the life insurance apparently not being what we thought it was, but we’re still looking at that, so it’s basically all a big stressful mess. we were also going to have the small family only funeral at the end of this week but ended up postponing it till next week because our pastor’s mother who’s in her 90s just got tested and they don’t know what’s up yet so we’re just wanting to be extra careful on that. what I’m supposed to do with my life until then is anybody’s guess. It’s only been two days so I guess there is still plenty of time to do it, but I’m surprised we haven’t gotten word of the courts suspending cases for another 2 weeks to a month based on the stay at home order being extended to May 30th, so part of me thinks they might just be going “fuck it” and opening them on May 18th as planned right now. if that happened that would probably put me at staying her for like 2 1/2 more weeks and then going back, and I’m just really not sure what I want here, I mean without work I don’t have any real pressing reason to go back to Chi, and my family obviously wants me here as long as possible, but I’m just not sure that’s going to end up being a good choice for me because I feel like I need time to process and grieve on my own because living here with them is not my life and it’s not what I’m supposed to be adjusting to, so I feel like staying here for an extended period of time might not be the right answer, but at the same time with things how they are for now at least I can’t really just tell my family that I’m ditching to go back to Chi when I have no job responsibilities when we’re all still trying to figure this stuff out here. so yeah, it’s a lot to think about and some big decisions to be made, but I guess we’ll see how things work out. sigh. anyway. after dinner I sat with my mom a bit watching hgtv shows as she likes them and then at 9 pm watched the new Legends episode (which actually having to wait until 9 pm for was such an offense), which was of course rightly hilarious and perfect in just so many ways. I know there’s been a lot of back and forth on what is the best format for the show (silly vs dramatic, supernatural vs reality, etc.) but I will say I’ve really enjoyed this season so far. of course that’s partially hampered by my anger/sadness about Ray and Nora leaving (because FUCK PHIL KLEMMER) but they’ve had consistently good performances by everyone else (especially for Zari, fuck Tala is so ridiculously talented and is hands down the best actress on the show, and that’s coming from a die hard white canary fan. she just blows every single scene out of the water and it’s insane to see). I was curious as to why Sara got sidelined tonight, being that she is my favorite character ofc, and in the past when she’s been sidelined there’d been a story reason for it or an IRL reason for it, but I couldn’t really find one here?? It just kinda seemed like the writers went “meh” and didn’t want to write a story arc for her so they just shuffled her to the side. and like I’m sure they’ll use it going forward for the whole Sara developing her superpower thing, but it definitely wasn’t necessary. oh well. after the episode the news was on for a bit and then we switched over to family feud which was fucking ridiculous, and at some point just ended up talking to my brother about things, especially what had gone down on Saturday since I wasn’t here to see it all. and like, yeah it’s stuff I want to know, but it’s all just so heartbreaking because it doesn’t make any sense, he was doing so well and then out of nowhere he was just gone, and I’m having trouble grasping how it all just happened so fast. and as much as my brother annoys the shit out of me sometimes (which he does, a lot) I think he is going to be very helpful going forward and figuring all of this out. he’s always been a total asshole about money, even when it wasn’t his money, so I’m slightly concerned about that, but so far it’s been good so I’m just praying that remains the case. and yeah, a bit after that I headed upstairs, showered, and started getting ready for bed, and now I’m here and it’s almost 1 am and it’s not like I have any reason to wake up early but I should still probably be getting to sleep, so I’m going to do that now. Goodnight loves. Hope your day was a good one.

#daily journal #April 2020 #worst month of my life

5 notes · View notes

number9robotic · 5 years

Text

9-24-19 Update

The long-awaited sequel to my 9-22-19 Update!

(plugging my newest pic as an artist tax)

Short version: I’m in physical danger right now.

Long version: My relationship with my parents are breaking down significantly because changes to plans of my living situation, my inability to cope with my depression, anxiety, and other mental/emotional compromises, and the resulting inability to do anything outside my comfort zone like finding a proper job/source of income or going to school.

As a result, my mom over the course of a few days have been physically threatening me (in public, no less) to send me back to my home in Vancouver while also shaming me for ruining their lives, and I feel legitimately unsafe being in my own home because I don’t know what they’re gonna do to me. All while this happens, my ability to stay motivated as a creator is really being tested.

Fuller version is below this line because I don’t wanna flood the feed and my account with walls of unpleasant text:

Please read my 9-22-19 Update for full context and backstory, there’s a lot of text and I don’t wanna retype it all.

1. THE REAL-LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES GOT WORSE

Yesterday as I was in my weekly therapy appointment, my parents had a renegotiation with each other about that plan I mentioned for my dad to come here and basically repeat the process of my legal anchoring to LA away from my home in Vancouver. Even though I responded with a (resigned) “sure, I’ll do it for you,” suddenly my dad made a conscience decision and told my mom that he changed his mind, because he’s really concerned about my mental well-being and the complete stagnation of my life because of my time here in LA.

This... didn’t go well with my mom, because as usual, this is ultimately about her, I guess. Later that evening, she took me to a Starbucks because she wanted to talk with me about something important, partially as a result of her indeed getting her travel permit document that day. She told me she also talked to her lawyer earlier that day, who said that as it stands, while the case isn’t expected to be finished until April 2020 at the earliest, I’ve technically done all I need to do to be declared a resident of the US, and my job is effectively done. Combined with my dad’s newfound desire to not keep me here any longer, I was told that I could return home.

buuuuuuuuuuuut

She was VERY clearly not happy about this. Despite being the one who decided to talk about this publicly, she had a very loud meltdown as she was explaining this and decided to erupt all of her frustrations not just with herself, but also of me.

To summarize her very long and confusing tirade, she started to outright force at me “JUST GO BACK TO VANCOUVER! GET A TICKET AND MOVE BACK TOMORROW! JUST GO!!!!”, yet was simultaneously also venting about how much damage this would do to HER and her career; that my lack of presence is a sign of failure on her part as a parent, because she hasn’t been able to get me to go to school or a “real” job or even learn how to drive. Keep this one little bit of info in mind.

A third argument she was trying to convince me of is that the return to Vancouver for me is only going to fuck ME up, because she doesn’t believe that me returning back to a comfortable place where I’m familiar with and am actually able to get around using public transit (which is so much better than LA, it’s not even a fair comparison) would be better for me and my personal health. She also said that Vancouver’s ability to help me with my mental health is so much worse than that of LA... which... that’s incredibly laughable on so many levels, the least of which is the fact that we spent a several-month assessment process to apply for job assistance because of my autism, only for the result to me to deem me and my autism diagnosis as invalid, but whatever, I guess...

I responded by telling how incredibly irrational she was acting in her hysterical state (again, in a very public area) with her a bunch about what I felt would help me through this, which I’ll talk about later. Reason not now is because she promptly forgot about it and this morning, SHE DID THE SAME THING AGAIN. This time she invited me to talk at a different Starbucks, asked me about my future, and then had ANOTHER very public meltdown screaming about her and my life problems, but this time it was at a time before McDonald’s stopped serving its breakfast menu.

Once again, she slammed me in my inability/refusal to try anything that would apparently help justify me being here in LA, me ruining her life no matter where I go in the world, and also threatening to send me away to Vancouver. This time I just had to outright leave the conversation because she was getting violent this time; I’m currently typing this in a library and she hasn’t found me yet. This isn’t an entirely new feeling, but currently I am legitimately scared for my future and physical safety.

2. EMOTIONAL HEALTH AND PARENTING

I (re-)explained to her that my problem with all of these personal development hurdles -- my inability to try anything where it feels like the failure of which will be utterly emotionally devastating -- is because I flat-out do not have the ability to deal with it. The entirety of grade school and post-secondary have collectively been the most emotionally devastating times of my life to me, I failed my written exam that’s the first step to get a driver’s licence 5 TIMES, and I have a smattering of emotional, communicative, mental, and physical hinderances preventing me from finding work.

And here’s why that affects me so much: my parents are not emotionally supportive. Mom and dad have outright admitted that due to “Chinese parenting”, “it’s just not my personality”, “I don’t know how to help reassure you” they don’t wish to help me with my emotional problems directly, often times finding it to be the job of others they can then shunt that duty off to, such as therapists, psychologists, counselors, or others. This ignores the fact that my meetings with them are weekly, whereas my greatest exposure to other people come from them, my supposed “loved ones”. I feel like I should be able to go to them for emotional strength. I do not, either because they aren’t capable of or just simply don’t want to be that.

Just to note how little they care about my feelings, I came out to them as nonbinary a few months ago, explained to them what that actually means, that I don’t like my pronouns or birth name at all, and asked for them to respect that. They have yet to comply despite me broadcasting my discomfort constantly, because they simply won’t “get it”.

Yknow... as someone who’s failed a lot in life... I can safely say that the resulting emotional wreckage isn’t fun.

The thing about being emotionally wrecked is that without any reliable source to go to like family or friends, my only solution is to just wait for my depression to pass... which if anyone knows anything about it, you’d know it’s super-unreliable and can take either a week or a month for me to feel better again, and is incredibly destructive. What I’ve recently realized is how much it utterly fucks with my perception of time and continuity -- depression cuts off my ability to feel anything significant or optimistic, including my ability to perceive a future worth looking up to. As a result, I feel like I’ve wasted A LOT of time in the last few years because nobody has been able to help me with that, at least in my actual time of need.

I’ve made this point to my parents many times throughout the year, and I’ve been desperately trying to communicate to them that the easiest solution to my mental trauma? To actually be there emotionally as loved ones; to help me through that potential sense of failure that I’m so afraid of experiencing again, and for them to comfort me as their child.

This request has pissed off my mom on multiple levels: the first I established already is that she’s constantly claiming she doesn’t know how to/isn’t capable of doing it because “it’s just not me” or “I’m not white mom” or some other crap. The second however is where things got super-confusing: she was also offended that I would ever think that she doesn’t support me on that level, and shared me a bunch of wechats to our extended family supporting my minor hobbies, even though they’ve been sucking really bad (again, please consider my patreon, this is a super-hard time to be motivated as a creator)

So I was like... “You ARE capable of being emotionally reassuring! I want to actually hear it myself!” because she almost never expresses positive emotions; it’s either complete ambivalence or negative frustration. She continued to express negative frustration at this, and at that point I just gave up because at this point it struck me that she just outright doesn’t want to help me with it because she felt like she can shunt the duty to someone else... even though she’s pissed about having to pay them therapy bills to do so. Ugh...

3. EVERYTHING BITES

To summarize: this entire breakdown and my future is emotionally fueled not about my needs like my dad wished, but about my mom’s, who believes that it is far more simple for me to be sent back to Vancouver at her blatant behest, and for me to just “get over” my depression and anxiety to do all the shit she expects me to do which she also believes me to be incapable of doing, than to just... be a caring parent who expresses positive feelings.

And during all of this, she’s also shaming me as a failure who ruins her life no matter what I do.

I am... so exhausted... and it’s super-difficult to stay motivated as a creator these days as a result of it. Fuck, I barely feel safe returning home either in LA or in Vancouver, because I know my mom hates me for it.

I still don’t have friends, and I still have depression and anxiety... and I can’t even ask my mom to be there for me in my time of emotional distress... thanks.

#vent #art #artist #need help #artists on tumblr

6 notes · View notes

imagine-x-everything · 6 years

Text

You walked through the house you and Sommy were trying to make a home. It was hard to make a home when he was never at home. He worked a lot but he loved his job and sometimes you got to work with him. You were technically ‘a friend of the NYPD’ but the Special Victims Unit consulted you on cases where they needed psychological assistance or input from a professional on behavior.

You and Sonny didn’t get to spend much time together, not as much as you would’ve liked anyway, but he made sure every moment was special. He brought flowers and Chinese takeout home at three in the morning and you would watch a movie. You danced on the balcony at your old apartment. Every few months, he’d request a few days off and you’d would spend the weekend in a cabin upstate,the two of you.

You picked the mug out of the sink that Sonny must have used when he left for work that morning and poured yourself some coffee, looking around at the boxes in towering columns around your house.

Your house. You smiled, suddenly losing you bitterness towards your surroundings. You pictured a toddler, a little girl with Sonny’s eyes and your hair, your nose, his smile, slapping her bare feet against the hardwood. Your little fantasy was over when Ace came running down the hall, pounding down the hall, his giant paws making a sound similar to a herd of elephants. His tail was wagging furiously and he was showing all of his teeth. Sonny always called it Ace’s smile and he’d learned to do it on command. Sonny brought Ace home a year before, he found him on a bust and the dog was going to be taken to the pound otherwise.

You spent most of that morning the same way you had the past four mornings, unpacking boxes and signing for new deliveries.

Around 3 that afternoon, Sonny’s mother stopped by to drop off a dish full of leftovers from the dinner she had made for the two of you the night before. You hoped it was your lucky day and Sonny would call, wanting you to bring him lunch.

“Y/N,” she started in as she followed you to the kitchen. “The two of you have been here for four days and you haven’t unpacked yet?”

“Uhm...no.” Your voice was squeaky and cheerful, as it always had to be with her. “We’ve both been working.”

“Working? You’re home all day.”

“I have a job Mrs. Carisi.” You turned around with a huge smile on your face, trying not to react so she’d get bored and go home.

“You don’t have a real job. You went to school 12 years and for what?”

“My doctorate, Mrs. Carisi.” You gritted your teeth. She sighed.

“Don’t you have any clothes of your own? Everytime I show up, You’ve got on some lounge pants and a t-shirt of his, they don’t fit you,Y/N! He’s a skinny boy. He wasn’t skinny like that when he lived with me, you know.”

“Yes, well-“ you were interrupted by your phone ringing. It was Sonny. You snatched it up and answered it quickly.

“It’s Sonny.” You mouthed to his mother. “Hi, honey.”

“Hey, I’m going to take a break soon, think you could bring me lunch?”

“Yea sure, I’ll bring you some lunch.” Yoh answered in the same overly cheerful voice.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, honey I’m fine. It’s so funny you asked to bring lunch because your mother just dropped in to give us the leftovers from last night, isn’t that so nice?” You were hoping he would understand.

“Oh, I see.” He chuckled. “I’ll see you in a few babe. I love you. Tell Ma I love her.”

“I will. I love you too.” You looked at the background on your phone, you and Sommy acting like goofballs in an art museum.

“Well?” Mrs. Carisi demanded.

“Oh! Um- he told me to tell you thank you and that he loves you.” She smiled. “He asked me to bring him some lunch so, I have to go. Thank you Mrs. Carisi.” You grabbed your keys and headed for the door but she scoffed. “Is everything alright?”

“Aren’t you going to walk me out?” Her eyebrows raised in a power play. She knew her hold over her son and so indirectly, you .

“Of course, how could I forget?” You turned back, linking your arm with hers as you walked her back to her car and closed her door for her. You threw up both middle fingers as she drove around the corner.

You walked to the precinct, taking in the sun and the cool breeze.

You never knew what you would walk into when you went to spend Sonny’s break with him. But you always went when he asked.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Sonny kissed your head when he greeted you.

“I brought leftovers, your mom dropped them off at the house.” You followed him to the break room, saying hello to Sonny’s coworkers as you passed through the bullpen. “How has your day been?”

“Oh, you know, the usual. Dirt, scum, shit. I made a bust, really pissed off some big guys, apparently.” He shrugged his jacket off and sat down across the table from you.

“Dominick...” his hand wrapped around yours, trying to ask you not to worry, but he knew you always would.

“How’s your day been?” He was chewing already, covering his mouth as he spoke.

“Dirt, scum, shit.” You smirked.

“I’m sorry baby, what happened?”

“Nothing, I feel like just as I’m making any kind of dent in the boxes, more just show up. And your mom, god.”

“What, Ace isn’t helping you unpack?” He grinned back at me.

“No, he definitely helped me make a bigger mess than what there already was.”

“Sounds about right.”

“Mom giving you a hard time again?”

“Again? It never stopped.” You laughed.

“I’ll talk to her about it. She’s only like that ‘cause I’m her only son. You know? She doesn’t want me-“

“I want my lawyer!!!” There was a loud yelling coming from the office, so Sonny jumped to his feet, you following after him. “I want my fucking law- YOU! Carisi!” The man screamed, beginning to kick and bump against the two cops bringing him to the interrogation rooms right past the break room. “Is that your little bitch Carisi?” The man spat at you on his way past the doorway.

“That’s enough!” One of the cops warned.

“I’ll make sure the same thing happens to her that happened to those other girls!” He kept yelling until he was locked in a room himself. You didn’t think anything of it, when they brought in suspects, obviously most of them were usually very upset, cussing, throwing insults, making threats, and saying disgusting things like that.

“You okay baby?” Sonny turned around, grabbing your face in his hands, checking you, even though you’d never been touched.

“I’m fine.” You answered statically. “That’s the guy you pissed off, I’m assuming.”

“You’d be correct.” He sighed.

“Please just be careful, baby.” Begging for his own sake. Sonny was the type of man to run into a burning building to save a kitten, which meant he got himself into all kinds of predicaments. Sonny’s eyes glossed over, looking at you apologetically. “Sometimes I wish you were a librarian or something.” You joked just to hear him laugh.

“I gotta get back to work, doll. I love you.” Sonny placed a kiss on your forehead. “Be safe on your way home, okay? Text me.” He threw his trash away and gave you one last look before he left the break room.

Your house was several blocks from the precinct but you didn’t mind the walk. It’s easy to feel like you’re being followed on the sidewalk in New York, but you had a feeling in your gut that told you that you truly were being followed. You weaved through larger crowds and took a couple wrong turns, trying to shake the feeling but you ended up hailing a cab. The ride home calmed you down, and Ace’s presence when you got home was enough to put the whole thing completely out of your mind. You texted Sonny, plopping down on your bed, which was just a mattress on the floor, Just got home, hope you have a nice rest of your day. Be safe out there baby. I love you.

It was around 8 when you woke up from the nap you were taking to 9 missed calls from Sonny, one from Olivia, and one from Fin. You opened a voicemail from Sonny.

“Hey. The guy you saw at the precinct today, his name is Emmanuel Cost, he uh- he made bail. It’s probably nothing, just make sure you lock the doors okay? I love you.”

And then the next, “Hey sweetheart, just call me when you get this honey, okay? I’m just worried about you is all.”

“Y/N, you need to get out of the house now. Take Ace and go to my moms, alright? Nothing happened, no news, just want you to be safe, babe, I love you so much. Please call me back when you get this.”

You jumped when you heard a crash downstairs. You tried calling Sonny back with no answer so you left him a short message, trying to be as quiet as possible, you covered your mouth and the speaker with your hand. “Sonny, I think someone is in the house, I just heard a crash downstairs, don’t call me back, just get here, please.”

And then you called the police, creeping downstairs with your baseball bat and Sonny’s gun tucked into the back of your pants, hoping you wouldn’t have to use it. As you got closer to the bottom you heard someone rustling through the boxes and when you got to the bottom you peaked around the corner to see a tall, broad figure in the darkness going through my things. He was in the living room, which was connected to the dining room so when he turned his back you ran as silently as possible across the hall into the kitchen. you placed your bat silently on the mat in front of the stove, pulling the gun from behind yourself and snuck through to the dining room.

You held the gun up, aiming directly for his head and cocked it, obviously drawing the mans attention. “I don’t know who you are or what you want but my boyfriend is a cop and him and his friends are on their way, so I suggest you get the fuck out of my house.”

“So you’re the bitch, that detectives little old lady.” He sneered. “You gonna shoot me, puta?”

“If I have to.” you were shaking, your whole body was, but you couldn’t let him think you wouldn’t pull the trigger. You heard sirens in the distance. There was no promise they were coming to your house, not in New York, but you prayed they were. “Sounds like I won’t though. You’re going to jail.”

He took steps toward you, moving like a tiger stalking prey. “I’m not going to jail.”

“Stop, right there.”

He didn’t. He kept coming towards you until you were standing face to face, your gun inches from his forehead now. “You know what I could do with you?” You could see a sick smile in the moonlight. He squeezed your face so hard your jaw popped.

“You’re not doing shit with me.” You scoffed. Before you could blink, he had slapped the gun out of your hand and punched you in the face. You fought until he wrestled you to the floor, on top of you holding your hands down with one of his. He got out a pocket knife, obnoxiously flipping it open and dragging the blade across your cheeks.

“Qué hermosa.” His disgusting breath rolling into my face so you spit in his. “Fuck! Little bitch!” He leaned back, to wipe the spit off his face and you fought as hard as you could to get free, grabbing the gun just as he grabbed your ankle and yanked you back. You slung your arm around and banged the pistol across his face. He fell on his side and when he looked up, he saw you standing over him, a gun pointed at his face.

“Y/N!” You heard Sonny scream as he burst in the door, gun held high.

Other officers were yelling, identifying themselves as NYPD, all of them surrounding the man on the floor. But you couldn’t put the gun down, you could only stand there, frozen, tears starting to roll down my face. Sonny took the gun from your hands. “It’s okay baby. Come here.” He wrapped his arms around you, kissing my head. “Are you hurt?”

You shook your head, sobbing into his bulletproof vest. “C’mon baby let’s get you to the hospital okay?” Sonny hooked his arm under yours, around my back after he wrapped his windbreaker around your shoulders. The sirens outside screamed at you as you stepped outside with Sonny.

“Dominick,”

“I know baby. It’s okay. Let’s go, let’s just go.” He rode with you in the ambulance and sat with you in the room while the doctor stitched your forehead and checked you over.

“You know, I’ve been thinking about today, you know?” He said when the doctor left to do your paperwork.

“Sonny, please, it’s okay, really.” Yoh smiled softly at him, trying to make him feel better.

“No, J, it’s not okay. I-” his face turned red and his eyes started to water as he sat back in the chair he had pulled beside your bed. “I’ve been thinking for a while now.”

“Sonny…” You croaked. You thought he was going to tell you it was over, tell you he loved you but you couldn’t be together, he didn’t want to see you getting hurt. “Dominick, don’t do this.” He’d pushed you away before over minor incidents with suspects calling your phone, leaving threatening letters at your old apartment. You knew something like this would happen, it was bound to with your jobs, and you knew he would blame himself for it and you prayed he wasn’t pushing you away for good.

“Please, just let me finish.” he gave your hand a squeeze. “I love you baby.”

“I love you.”

“You are the most important thing to me and I want you to be safe.” he started. “I will do everything in my power to protect you for the rest of my life, so that nothing like this ever happens again.”

“Sonny-”

“Baby, I want you to marry me.”

“Dom, I- What?”

“Marry me,Y/N. I know this isn’t the most romantic thing I could’ve done.” he chuckled. “And I-I don’t have a ring, I’ll get you one, anything you want. But marry me.” he huffed it all out breathlessly.

“Y/N, Barba is here to ask a few questions.” Olivia appeared in the doorway with Rafeal. “Sorry, is now not a good time?”

“This is the best time.” You cried. “Yes!” You looked back to Sonny, tears falling quickly over your cheeks. “Of course I will, Sonny.”

“What’s going on here?” Barba stuttered. Sonny’s face was red and glowing.

“I’m gonna marry her!” Sonny exclaimed, his own tears drenching his face now. He stood up, looking back at them before he leaned over your bed, hugging me tightly.

“My ribs, baby, my ribs.” You grunted.

“Oh right.” He sniffled, straightening out his shirt. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Liv and Rafael both looked confused and slightly uncomfortable by Sonny’s outburst, Barba more so than Olivia.

“Well, congratulations.” She clapped her hands together.

You gave your statement to the Barba and the police handling the investigation. When it was all over, Sonny took you to a hotel near the station for the night

#svu #law and order svu #svuedit #svu fanfiction #svu imagine #svu fic #l&o: svu #sonny carisi #sonny carisi imagine #sonny carisi imagines #carisi #rafael barba #olivia benson #svu imagines #somny carisi x reader

432 notes · View notes

nellie-elizabeth · 6 years

Text

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: I Want to Be Here (4x01)

It's back! This show is a life-changing, beautiful, incredible journey and I'm so happy that we get to see the story play out as the creators intended, even though I'm bummed this will be the final season. Let's hop to!

Cons:

The only thing I ever have to complain about with this show is that I want more of some of the side characters. So while everything in this episode was golden, we didn't spend any time with Valencia and her girlfriend, we didn't see White Josh going about his life journey, etc. etc. But that's not really a problem of bad writing or anything. It's just that when I watch this show I'm so enamored with every little moment that we get, that I find myself constantly craving more. Not a bad problem to have!

Pros:

I want to talk about the technical proficiency of this show for a second. The songs are just so excellently produced. "No One Else is Singing My Song" is a song that relies in part on tight vocal harmonies not just to make the song sound pretty, but to carry the punchline to a multi-layered joke. And if these talented vocalists, the sound mixers and editors, etc. didn't do a good job of creating these harmonies, the joke would fall flat. In "What's Your Story?" we see how the use of light can make or break a song, and there's an excellent moment towards the end when Rebecca flinches away from a spotlight and breaks the fourth wall, adding another layer to the title of the song itself - this is a story about someone telling their story, and she's not doing it right.

And let's talk about titles a little more broadly, too: this episode, and the episodes coming up, do away with the naming convention of having the name "Josh" or "Nathaniel" in every title. Now, we get "I Want to Be Here" and next week's "I Am Ashamed." So on and so forth. There's a great deal of power in that decision. For one thing, Rebecca's "I Want to Be Here" is about wanting to be in jail to serve her penance, but it's also a pretty hopeful moment given the fact that she survived a suicide attempt in the last season.

Let's talk about privilege a little bit, too. Rebecca wants to hear her fellow prisoners' life stories, only to come out of the experience realizing that she has an enormous amount of privilege, and that choosing to be in jail as a symbol of her penance is a really gross thing to do. Her friends tell her this, but she also comes to the realization on her own. There's a bit part where a white prisoner tells us that she got two months for stealing a sweater, and a black prisoner remarks that she got three years for the same crime. We don't need any more time spent than that to get the point that this whole system is completely screwed up, and Rebecca, while suffering marginalization for being a woman and Jewish, is still undeniably more privileged than virtually anyone else in jail with her. This, all by itself, would be a good point to make. But as is always true with Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, they take it one step further. Valencia yells at Rebecca, telling her to stop whining. It's good that she's realized her privilege, but now what's she going to do about it? She can use her advantages to help people, or at the very least she can shut up about how hard it is to be aware of your privilege. This was such a great message for liberal, progressive folk in general. God knows it's a lesson I could certainly be reminded of every once in a while.

Okay. Now for the boys. Both Nathaniel and Josh have "backsliding" moments in this episode, just as Rebecca does, where they fall back into selfish patterns and look for an easy fix for their complicated problems. Josh wonders if maybe he has some sort of disorder that would explain his behavior. Heather and Hector tell him he's being selfish and needs to place responsibility on his own shoulders, but Josh wants that "easy fix" that Rebecca sang about back in "A Diagnosis." And Nathaniel is back to pushing himself to unhealthy extremes, or "emotional cutting" as George puts it, as he embarks on a "Death Wish Adventure" out in the woods without supplies or directions. But by the end of the episode, Josh has decided to see a therapist (Dr. Akopian's husband!) and Nathaniel has reached out to George and allowed his friend to help him. It doesn't mean they've both solved their problems. Recovery and actual improvement take a long, long time, and the journey never really ends. It's something we're learning with Rebecca, too.

As a side note, I want to comment on George for a second as well. He was a character introduced as a running gag, and now we get to a point where when Nathaniel shakes him awake in his tent and asks for sausages, and George smiles in delight, there's a real emotional investment and joy in the moment. I love that this show can do such magical things with such apparently one-note jokes or characters. Valencia is one of the biggest examples of this, but it happens with so many of the characters on the show. George is just some guy. He doesn't have to go out of his way to befriend Nathaniel, who treats him pretty harshly most of the time, but he decides to put someone else's happiness ahead of his own comfort every once in a while. And he's genuinely pleased to be able to help Nathaniel learn about himself. How adorable!

There's this small part of me that felt annoyed that this first episode of Season Four turned back the promises of last year's finale. Rebecca's cathartic moment of "pleading responsible" is revealed for what it truly is - a cop-out and a way for Rebecca to use symbolism to try and dramatically right her wrongs in one fell swoop. But then I think to myself - of course. If we've learned anything from watching this show, it's that the big, dramatic "aha" moments aren't really what changes a person and helps them get better. Rebecca's suicide attempt was a huge moment that dramatically altered her life, sure, but it's not the first time she's done that, and it didn't magically turn a new page for her last time either. It's her decision to do her homework, to try and take risks while not going overboard. It's her decision to attend her therapy (both with her group and one-on-one) and rely on her friends for support. These aren't big moments, they are the every-day things that you need to do if you want to really grow as a person. So here we see that Rebecca "pleading responsible" wasn't a cathartic reset. It was just yet another attempt at a reset. And now Rebecca, who doesn't get to stay in jail, because Trent wakes up and confesses the truth, needs to find the way to improve organically and over time. She starts by volunteering at the jail with free legal advice.

Oh, and we must not forget Paula. The end of last season saw her feeling an intense sense of betrayal upon realizing how often Rebecca has manipulated and used her. Here, we see that Paula is desperate to help Rebecca get out of jail, and ultimately she succeeds in this goal. How? Well, Trent wakes up from his coma and confesses the truth about his stalking and his attempt on Nathaniel's life. But here's where it gets interesting - just as Josh, Nathaniel, and Rebecca all have moments of backsliding but ultimately seem to make a step in the right direction, we see Paula threatening to blackmail Trent unless he comes clean. This is a big step backwards for Paula, who has been worried that her sketchy behavior would hurt her chances to become a lawyer. While we see the others take at least a token step towards a better version of themselves (Nathaniel is honest about his feelings for Rebecca, Josh goes to therapy, Rebecca decides to help people), with Paula we see the step backwards without the hope for a course correction. I'm really curious to see how this goes!

Nathaniel and Rebecca's scene at the end gave me so many complicated emotions and I'm at this point where I genuinely don't know if they're going to be together when this show ends, and I also don't know how to feel about that. What I love so much about their scene together is that it encapsulates so much of what is wonderful and what is damaging about them as a couple. They genuinely love each other so much, and you can see that. Nathaniel is so head-over-heals it's almost devastating to see. When Rebecca says she can't go to Hawaii because she's still working some stuff out, Nathaniel says she's being silly and selfish. This is an unkind and maybe a bit unfair thing to say, but the bigger point here is that Nathaniel is not totally wrong. Rebecca has to learn to be middle of the road. It's a lesson she started last season and she's got to keep going with it now. She's learned that she is privileged and that she needs to own her past bad behavior. Volunteering to help women in jail is an absolutely wonderful idea and hopefully she can do some real good in someone's life. But all of that doesn't mean that she can't go on an expensive vacation with the man she loves. The two aren't mutually exclusive. I think it's a lesson Rebecca and Nathaniel are both going to have to learn if they want any chance of personal fulfillment, let alone a stable and honest relationship with one another.

I could talk about this show indefinitely. It's so good. It's funny, and charming, and real, and sometimes harsh. I'm so glad this final season has a longer episode order than the last couple of seasons, because I don't want to say goodbye too quickly!

9/10

#review #crazy ex-girlfriend #crazy ex-girlfriend review #crazy ex girlfriend #crazy ex girlfriend review #crazy ex-gf #crazy ex gf

49 notes · View notes

buckyscrystalqueen · 6 years

Text

Winter Wolf: Part 12

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, angst

Word Count: 5,485

Box Filled: Gender Swap

A/N: This series was written for @marvelfluffbingo and it took on a life of its own. Enjoy!

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It surprisingly took Steve a lot longer than you expected to return to Wakanda on ‘official royal business.’ You were laying on the couch in your living room, watching four and a half month old Anastasia laugh hysterically as she swatted at the colorful, handmade yarn dolls a woman at Bucky’s job had made for her that were hanging above her head. You smiled at her as you reached out and pushed one of the ones closest to you so that it would catch her eye and laughed with her as she kicked her legs and reached for it.

The knock on your front door startled you and you quickly sat up and grabbed the gun you had wedged between the couch cushion and the back of the couch. With quick movements, you got up and walked on silent feet to glance out the window since most people who came over to visit you and Anastasia called first. You peeked out the window and let out a sigh of relief as you turned the four locks on the door and turned off the house alarm system.

“Well I’ll be damned.” You laughed as you stepped back and let a very scruffy Steve into your two bedroom, two bath apartment. “That’s a good way to get shot in this house.” He nearly tripped over his own feet as you locked the house back up, turned the alarm back on, and put your gun on the table by the door.

“What is this?” He asked as he pointed to the little girl on the floor who was looking up at him in awe.

“It’s a baby.” You said with a shrug as you moved the arch away from Anastasia so you could pick her up. “And if we wanna get really technical, it’s a girl baby.” Steve’s face deadpanned as he met your eyes.

“Didn’t realize I became blind overnight but thanks. Where did the girl baby come from?”

“Anastasia…” You said as you balanced your daughter on your hip. “… came from Romania. Her birth mother was an old friend of mine named Daniela who had terminal cancer. Her father was a tourist and Daniela’s moms was a hardcore gypsy that surprisingly would absolutely not raise a baby born out of wed-lock no matter what her husband said. And she was a blatant racist so the mix race thing was not helping Anastasia’s case either. So, Buck and I took her. Well, we didn’t take her, I guess we officially adopted her. T’Challa’s lawyer guy helped us figure out the paper work so her official birth certificate says that we are her parents. So meet your… well technically you could meet your little sister…”

“Oh, my gosh, stop.” He laughed as he reached out his hands to hold her. “Anastasia, you said?” You nodded as you passed over your daughter.

“Anastasia Daniela Barnes. Her mom named her and we figured honoring her mom with the middle name was appropriate.”

“I like it.” He said as he sat down on the couch with her on his thighs. “Hi cutie.” Your daughter looked at him a little confused as she reached out to grab his beard. You laughed and gently intercepted.

“Bucky has to stay either clean shaven or he keeps his beard real short.” You said with a laugh. “We learned really fast that once she gets ahold of something she wants, she will not let go. We both keep our hair back in buns just to keep it out of her reach.”

“She’s beautiful.” He said with a smile as he held onto her sides so that his fingers were supporting her head even though she didn’t need it as much these days. “Now I’m curious. What is she?”

“Romanian, Puerto Rican, Guatemalan, African-American, and a splash of Scottish, Italian, and Greek. I had Shuri run her ancestry DNA when we did a full check up on her when we got her. She was born the day before Bucky and I got married and we got her when she was three days old.”

“God, she’s so cute. I can’t believe you two are parents.” You smile proudly and snagged one of the many toys off the floor.

“Me neither. It’s been a wild ride.”

“I bet.” He laughed as he watched you bop your daughter on the nose with a pink, stuffed rhino rattle to grab her attention. She laughed and reached for it as Steve looked around the living room. “Where’s Bucky?”

“At work.” You said as you handed your little girl her toy. “He got a really good job in IT at the transportation hub. He loves it. He actually should be home in an hour or so if you wanna stick around. I should probably start dinner anyways if you wanna entertain your niece.”

“I think I can handle that, what do you think?” He asked Anastasia, who simply tried to eat her rattle in response.

“Just keep your beard away from her grabby little hands.” You said with a laugh as you got up and headed to the kitchen. “She’s a sneaky little monster sometimes.”

“You can’t be a little monster.” He growled playfully as he picked her up off his thighs and slid down to the floor with her to play. “You’re too cute, right? Yes, you are.” You smiled to yourself as Steve continued to baby talk to your daughter while you got dinner ready for your family and your guest.

With Steve distracting your daughter, you got the homemade Italian dressing marinated chicken, the fettuccini you made from scratch that morning, and the Alfredo you found a recipe for on a website called Pinterest (which was, in your opinion, the greatest thing in the entire world) cooked in no time. You were just getting everything plated when the automatic smart locks on your doors unlocked and the alarm signaled it was temporarily disengaged with a beep. You looked up at the door from the kitchen as Bucky stepped in the door with a sigh.

“Hi baby.” You said with a smile. “We have a visitor.” Bucky looked over at you as he turned the last lock before turning the other way.

“Well I’ll be damned. If it isn’t Captain America. And my little angel.” He cooed as he went over to say hi to his friend and pick up his giggly little girl. “Oh, I missed you!”

“Never thought I’d see the day.” Steve said as he got up off the floor with a laugh. “Playboy Bucky Barnes has a kid.”

“I got bamboozled by the cute.” He laughed as he kissed Anastasia’s forehead. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here on ‘official business’.” Steve said sarcastically with air quotes as Bucky came over to give you a kiss hello. “We’re trying to fine tune the Sokovia Accords and I figured I’d stop in to see how the newlyweds were doing while I was here.” He laughed as Bucky turned his head away from Anastasia before she could grab his bun.

“Didn’t expect the baby, did you?” Bucky laughed as he grabbed one of the plates to help you out before starting a bottle for his daughter.

“Not one bit.” Steve laughed as you passed him his plate and grabbed silverware for everyone. “But then again you two have been full of surprises in the last year.”

“We gotta keep life interesting, Stevie. I’ve been around long enough to know that.”

“Million years really is a long time.” Bucky teased as the three of you sat down at the table to eat.

“Shut up!” You laughed as he laid Anastasia across his arm and his lap and gave her her bottle before you went back to trying her on soft solid food again. He propped it on his chest and used his elbow to keep it upright so that he could still eat and make up for the time he spent away from home that day.

“I’d still love you even if you were as old as the dinosaurs.” He cooed with a smile as you cut his chicken just to make it easier for him to multitask.

“Guys, you’re gunna make me sick before I can even enjoy this meal.” Steve joked as he twirled some pasta around his fork.

“You’ll be fine.” Bucky said around a mouthful of fettuccini.

“So what’s going on in New York?” You asked with a glance over at your friend. “Do you have any juicy gossip for us?”

“Well.” Steve said as he chewed. “Not really. Teams good. We had a mission a couple weeks ago that was a pointless waste of time. Some idiot tried to release anthrax bombs in Central Park and apparently that now requires the Avengers to step in.” He rolled his eyes and sighed with a shake of his head. “Hence the reason I’m here talking to T’Challa. I’m trying to get some semblance of balance to these Accords which is proving to be difficult as expected.”

“How’s Tony?” Bucky inquired with a glance over at you.

“Tony’s… well, Tony. He and Pepper got engaged.”

“‘bout time.” You mumbled as you twirled your fork on your plate. “Is he… has he said anything about me?” You looked up at Steve through your lashes as he shook his head subtly.

“Nothing good nor bad. No one wants to bring either of you up.” You nodded as took a bite of your food to avoid inquiring about the next person but Steve answered the unspoken question anyways. “Natasha’s back. She just showed up about two months ago without a word of explanation of where she had been…”

“Good for her.” Bucky said curtly; still harboring a grudge for your ex.

“How’s Wanda?” You ask to change the sensitive subject. Steve nodded and swallowed his bite.

“She’s good. I think Vision is talking about proposing but I’m not entirely sure.”

“Awe, good.” You said with a genuine smile. “Those two are so good for each other.”

“Yea, yea they are.” Steve agreed with a nod. He could feel the slight layer of tension building in the room and quickly changed the subject to prevent an argument over Natasha. “So tell me more about my niece.”

——

“She’s asleep.” Bucky sighed as he closed the nursery door quietly behind him and trudged toward the couch you had flopped down on after saying goodbye to Steve. With a groan, he laid down on the couch practically on top of you and wrapped his arms around your waist. “Finally.”

“I think she’s teething.” You said as you ran your metal fingers through his hair and pulled out the hair tie. “That’s what the book suggested. She was fussy for a couple days but she wouldn’t let me near her mouth to check.” He nodded against your stomach and buried his face in your shirt.

“Did you put those squishy things in the freezer?”

“Yes, James. I can mother, thank you.” You teased as you rolled your head on the arm of the couch to look at him.

“You sure? I still question if I can father, properly.” You giggled with him and laced your fingers together on his back.

“I think we’re doing just fine.” He said with a smile as he looked up at you. “We’re in this together, remember?” You nodded your head as he adjusted his head on your stomach with a content sigh. You let your eyes fall closed, just content on existing in that peaceful moment with your husband. You could feel his fingers making tiny, tight patterns on your back under your loose fitting shirt and moving at a glacial pace up your spine. There was no rush and no urgency, there was just love.

A knock on your front door caused both of you to stiffen and sigh at your ruined moment. Bucky pushed himself up off your chest and grabbed the gun from the couch cushions. You got up as well and purposely moved yourself between the front door and the nursery. With a glance over his shoulder at you, he turned off the alarm and unlocked the doors.

His whole body tensed as he quickly shove his foot against the back of the door and pointed his gun at whoever was on the other side. You instantly backed up to the nursery door and yanked off your shirt so that you would have better movement when you needed it. You tried to make your five foot six, thankfully muscular body as big as you could in the doorway and wished that you had put a weapon next to the door frame like you had wanted to.

“The fuck are you doing here?” Bucky demanded with more animosity and venom in his voice then you had ever heard before. Which meant one of two things; both of which you were not ready to face.

“Can I talk to her?” Natasha asked softly with tears obvious in her tone.

“Shut the door.” You said from your place.

“You need to leave, now.” Bucky growled.

“Please, I just need to see her!”

“You don’t need to do shit!” Bucky snapped back. “Leave, Natasha.”

“Please.” She begged as Anastasia started to fuss behind you. “Please, I just need to apologize.”

“You have no place to say sorry to me.” You snapped as you stormed away from the nursery door. You put your hand on Bucky shoulder and moved him back a step to look at the partially unrecognizable blonde in front of you. “You’re not welcome here.”

“My star…” She tried but you grabbed your gun from Bucky and cocked it harshly.

“No!” You shouted, which effectively woke your daughter up. “You stood there, Natasha. You just stood there when I needed you the most. You stood there and shook your head. You didn’t even try to defend the woman you supposedly loved as I was thrown from my home. I lost everything! My family, my security, my sanity. All of it was gone and Bucky was the only person that stood up to protect me. Steve did what he could but that wasn’t his responsibility; it was yours. And you- did- nothing!”

“(Y/N)…” She tried as tears fell from her eyes. You heard Bucky growl behind you as he turned to go to the nursery for Anastasia and you shook your head at your ex.

“No, Nat. I don’t want to hear it. Because even though I left, you still did nothing. Sure, you tried to hunt me down but, as you quickly realized, I won’t be found if I don’t wanna be. So that was a waste of time. Let me ask you this. Have you even bother to talk to Tony about me once? Did you try even one time to get him to see that I am not that monster anymore? Or did you just play victim because you choose to literally turn your back on your girlfriend and she was taken from your life like you promised would never happen? I don’t even need an answer from you because I already know it. You played the victim. I expected more from you Natalia. So much more. Especially after you fought so hard for Clint, who you have said you didn’t love as much as me, to get him back into your arms when Loki had him try to murder you.”

“Baby…”

“Go to hell, Natasha. I want nothing to do with you. Stay away from me, stay away from my family, stay the fuck away from Wakanda. Go do you, you heartless shrew because you sure as fuck aren’t doing me ever again.” Without another word, you slammed the front door closed and turned the locks as fast as your fingers would go. Once the alarm was reset, you set your gun down and followed your daughters screaming to the back bedroom.

“She gone?” Bucky snapped as he bounced Anastasia in his arms.

“She’s gone.” You said with a nod as you locked the secondary door in your room and sent out a silent thanks for Shuri making your house impenetrable once the alarm was set. “Come here, angel.” You carefully took Anastasia from Bucky and walked over to the bed with her while Bucky started to pace.

“How’d she even find us?” He asked angrily as he yanked off his work shirt and chucked it across the room toward the laundry hamper. “Who the fuck does she think she is?”

“She’s gone, Bucky.” You said softly as you rubbed your daughter’s back and laid her out on your sports bra covered chest.

“She has no right.” He snapped as he continued to get undressed. “No right to just show up here like that.” You nodded in agreement as you tried to check Anastasia’s mouth again since she was awake. “Who does she think she is?”

“I don’t know, baby.” You said evenly as you forced yourself to keep your anger at bay and you absolutely felt one of her teeth near the surface of Anastasia’s bottom gums. “She’s teething.” Bucky glanced over at you and did a double take as your daughter grabbed your hand almost to hold the soothing metal in place. He climbed on the bed slowly as Anastasia’s crying turned into hiccups.

“Oh, baby girl.” He said sadly as he leaned against the headboard so that he was right in front of her. “You’re OK, sweetheart.” She hiccuped again as he reached up to brush his hand over the back of her head.

“We’re in for a world of fun.” You said softly as she started to chew on your finger. He nodded as her eyes started to slowly drift closed again.

“We’ll figure it out.” He said as he helped get the pair of you under the blankets. “We always do.” You nodded in agreement as he kissed Anastasia’s forehead and laid back against his pillow.

“Think she’ll tell Tony we’re here?” You asked as he grabbed the padded co-sleeper from under the bed.

“Probably.” He said as he laid the sleeper down between you knowing neither of you would sleep comfortably that night if she wasn’t in the room with you. “We’re safe here, though. Tony can’t get into Wakanda without T’Challa knowing about it anyways…”

“Nat did.” You said as you brushed your fingertips down Anastasia’s back so she would fall back to sleep.

“Yea, well now we’re prepared.” He said a little harshly.

“OK.” You said as you looked over at him. “OK…”

“Sorry, baby.” He said as he ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh. “She just… she makes me so mad.”

“I know, baby.” You agreed as you carefully pulled your hand back and laid your daughter down in her sleeper. “But we’re better than her now, right? We’re parents now. We can’t stoop down to her level.”

“Yea.” He said with small smile as he laid down next to the other little lady that stole his heart. “Yea, you’re right.”

“I’m always right, James.” You giggled as you got up to wash your face and get ready for bed. “That’s why you married me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the night Natasha showed up, you started to live in fear. Every time you stepped outside with Anastasia, you carried an unnecessary amounts of weapons on your person and constantly kept your head on a swivel. After two weeks of jumping at every little thing, the Wolf came back and began to taunt the safety of you and more specifically, your baby girl. And at that point, you locked yourself and Anastasia in your apartment and had your weekly groceries delivered by a teenage boy that lived in your building.

Bucky wanted to protest your seclusion but he was equally as scared for the two loves of his life. He convinced you once about a month after Nat showed up to leave the house just to head up to a restaurant on the corner. He barely made it long enough to order the food to go and rush you back home with a mild case of whiplash. He knew you were at least safe in your home, so after that failed attempt to be social, he looked the other way about you staying home all the time.

Anastasia was growing like a weed. One day she was needing help to sit up on your lap or on the floor and the next thing you knew, she was seven months old, crawling across the wood floors as fast as her chubby arms and legs could carry her, and practicing her standing as long as you held on to her sides. You were beyond ecstatic that her first word was ‘mama’, which Bucky wasn’t a huge fan of, but she didn’t disappoint for long because ‘dada’ came about a week later followed by ‘ba.’ And thus began the part of her life where she would follow you around after you while you cleaned, babbling ‘mama dada’ for hours over the sounds of her knees and palms clomping on the floors.

“She does this all day?” Bucky asked as he helped put away the lunch leftovers on one of his Tuesdays off. You smirked and nodded as you wiped down your kitchen counters while Anastasia sat right next to your legs on the floor repeating your name with the occasional ‘dada’ mixed in as she chewed on a frozen strawberry in a mesh pacifier.

“Every day. We’re getting a lot better at separating our names though.” He laughed as he walked over and looked down at her with his hands on his hips.

“What are you doing?” He said playfully as she looked up at him with a smile.

“Ma dada… da mama!” She said as she reached for him with one arm, not willing to pull the fruit pacifier from her mouth.

“That’s progress.” You laughed as Bucky picked her up and tossed her in the air a couple inches.

“I still can’t believe she’s ours.” He said as walked over and sat down on the couch with her. “I also can’t believe how fast she’s grown.”

“I know.” You sighed with a nod as you hung your rag over the middle of the sinks. “I just want it to stop already. Make her stay cute forever.”

“Yea, because both of us wanna change diapers for the rest of eternity.” He laughed as you flopped down on the couch for a break before you went back to doing laundry. You rested your elbow on the armrest and propped your head on your fist as you watched your daughter ‘walk’ up Bucky’s thighs and stomach while she continued to chew on her strawberry.

“We need to leave Wakanda.” You said softly. Your husband slowly nodded his head in agreement.

“I’ve been thinking the same thing.” Tears welled in your eyes as the pair of you just watched your daughter with more love than either of you knew was possible. She walked her way up his chest so that her little feet were on his face and squealed in joy when he playfully pretended to eat her toes.

“Where should we go?” You whispered, not trusting your voice any louder.

“We can stay in Africa for a while.” He suggested with a glance over at you as he held his daughter over his thighs again. “Head south until we hit the end of the continent then try to catch a ride over to Asia. Head toward Australia. We’ll just keep moving.” You nodded your head and looked over at him as a few tears fell from your eyes. “We’re gunna be OK, baby girl. We know how to survive on the run. And we’ll just be more hyper-vigilant with Anastasia.”

“OK.” You whispered as you pushed across the couch to rest your head on his shoulder. “I’ll call up to Okoye and we’ll leave tonight?” He nodded his head as he turned to kiss the top of your head.

“We’ll pack as light as we can with her when she goes down for a nap. Get out after dark.” You nodded your head and sighed as you got up off the couch.

“I’ll get the laundry finished and make that call.” You heard him mumble ‘alright’ as he took the empty pacifier from Anastasia before she could throw it.

“Come on, pumpkin. Nap time.”

——

“Our clothes, her clothes, bottles, formula, baby food…” You said to yourself as you went through the two, overflowing backpack duffle bags on your bed. “… toys, bathroom bags, pacifiers, blankets.”

“We can strap this to your backpack.” Bucky said as he tossed the padded sleeper on the bed and grabbed the baby carrier from under the bed as well. “The play pen is a little too big to carry with us.”

“True.” You said as you grabbed the ball of twine and the sleeper off the bed. “Did you empty out every drawer on the changing table into the diaper bag?”

“And the extra stuff in the closet.” He said with a nod. “You got the new load of groceries in there?” You nodded your head as you checked the weight of both backpacks to make sure Bucky’s wasn’t too heavy.

“I think we should bring the stroller.” You said as you set his backpack aside, deeming it full enough. “I think we’ll regret it more if we don’t.”

“It’d make carrying the car seat easier. We could fill the bottom up with more stuff…”

“It would make carrying bottles of water easier.” You agreed. You grabbed the Ziplock bag of baby medicines, sunscreen, and other necessities for Anastasia and threw them in the last bit of space in your bag. “These are both done.” He nodded his head, acknowledging that he heard what you said as he pulled the old SIM cards from your cell phones and grabbed new ones and a pair of burner phones from your bedside table drawer. He pulled weapon after weapon from the drawer as you put everything from the room out in the hall.

“You gunna carry her first?” He asked as you came back in and started to load your old Winter Wolf cargo pants with guns and knives.

“Yea, I got her.” You said as you checked the gun you would keep on your hip to make sure it was fully loaded and the safety was on. You put it in your holder and made sure that it was far enough back that there was no way your daughter could reach it before grabbing the carrier off the bed. You followed Bucky out to the living room to load up anything else you could fit in the stroller; a case of water, some laundry soap you otherwise would have had to leave behind, and a few more of her favorite toys, and took one final look around your apartment for anything else you could possibly need.

“We have all the cash?” You asked as you headed toward the nursery to grab your daughter to leave.

“Yea, it’s all in the diaper bag.” He said as he put his backpack and the diaper bag on and grabbed the carseat to put in the front of the stroller. You nodded, despite the fact that he couldn’t see you as you carefully picked your sleeping daughter up from her crib and put her in the baby carrier. You made sure to grab her bedtime blanket and her favorite stuffed bunny rabbit before heading out of the room to get your own backpack.

“You got everything?” He asked softly as he helped you put the backpack on so you didn’t jostle Anastasia too much.

“Anything we forgot, we can replace.” You responded as you tucked the blanket and bunny into the carseat. “Oh, grab the fold up booster seat.” You said as you pointed to the chair in the corner by the dinner table. You pushed the stroller to the door as he stuck the seat across the top and added the two bottles of water for you to the cup holders.

“Alright.” Bucky said as he looked back around your apartment while you shut off the alarm and unlocked the door. “Bye first house.” You couldn’t bring yourself to turn around and look back at it as you pulled open the door.

“Let’s just go, baby.” You forced yourself not to tear up as you headed down the hall to the elevator.

“It’s alright, (Y/N).” Your husband said as he rubbed your shoulder with a small smile on his face. “We’re gunna be just fine. We can handle this.” You took a deep breath as the elevator opened on the ground floor and nodded.

“Yep. We’re…”

“Running away with a baby?” A voice asked from the shadows that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. You whipped your gun out at lighting speed and turned around as Tony stepped out of the shadows. “Do you really think that’s the best parenting choice there.”

“Back up.” Bucky growled as he moved between you and Tony with his gun pointed at the man as well. “Baby, go.”

“No, no.” Tony said as he took a step closer with his hands raised. He instantly took two steps back as both you and Bucky cocked your guns and flipped off the safeties. “Look, I know you’re both a little jaded here…”

“A little?” You asked as your eyes darted around the street; catching Steve and Wanda hiding in the shadows in the alley across from you, Vision a block behind you behind a car, Clint on the roof across from you… and Natasha peeking out from the alley behind Tony.

“Wonder why…” Bucky growled.

“Yea, you have the right to be mad. I was an asshole. Plain and simple. But I was wrong. And I’m man enough to admit that. So if you wanna hide out, go ahead. You wanna raise your kid in fear here in Wakanda… yea, I know everything.” Tony said as you shared a side eyed glance with Bucky. “You wanna stay here, go ahead. T’Challa said that was fine by him. You wanna come back to the towers and feel safe, you can do that, too.” You forced yourself to keep your face unreadable as you searched Tony’s eyes.

“I’ll stay away.” Natasha said softly. “I won’t come near any of you. Just please. Please come home where you belong.”

“She’d be safe.” Bucky whispered in Xhosa without taking his eyes off Tony or Natasha as you watched the other Avengers. “Both of you.”

“Is it worth dealing with the other half of the problem?” You asked with a side look over at him.

“We’d be safe.” He repeated. “And we wouldn’t have to keep running.” You sighed, knowing that he was right and that dealing with Natasha was worth guaranteeing that the voices didn’t come back and that Anastasia would be safe forever.

“Come on, guys.” Steve called out as he took a few steps forward. “Do it for my niece.” You looked over at Bucky, who you knew wanted to go home and not have to work every day even if he wouldn’t admit it, and sighed.

“Fine.” You breathed as you flipped on the safety and ejected the bullet in the chamber of your gun. You could hear the subtle sigh of relief from your husband as he put his gun up while the other members of the team all stood down.

“You stay away from them.” Bucky growled as he pointed at Natasha and put the diaper bag on the stroller. She nodded and took a few steps back as Steve came over to say hi to Anastasia.

“I’m guessing you still have stuff upstairs?” He asked as he brushed his fingers over the top of her head.

“We packed as light as possible so yea.” You said with a nod.

“Alright then. Steve, get them to the jet. We’ll get the rest…”

“I’ll go up with you.” Bucky said as he pulled off his backpack and passed it to Steve. “We can just pile everything that’s left in the crib.”

“Leave the furniture and the dishes behind and put a note on the woman across the hall’s door that she can help herself to whatever is left over as a thanks for her son getting our groceries.” You told him as Steve took off your backpack for you. He nodded his head and headed back toward your apartment building as Steve put his hand on your back.

“Let’s go home, (Y/N).” He said with a smile as he lead you behind Natasha to the quinjet that was parked on the palace jet pad.

“I just hope it’s not the worst decision we’ve ever made.” You muttered as you stared daggers into Natasha’s back.

Part 13

#Bucky x Reader #Winter Wolf #marvelfluffbingo #Winter Wolf Series #Bucky Barnes x Reader

23 notes · View notes

furasims · 6 years

Text

57 facts about me

I was tagged by @fayts4 and @flowers--girl ...that was tough!!!

1. My parents divorced when I was 8. That episode taught me a lot about relationships and helped me to...manage them in a healthy way.

2. When I was in first-grade school, I wanted to be a lawyer.

3. Now I’m a graphic designer, illustrator, and a planner design. Nothing to do with law at all xD

4. I tried Law School for...six months I guess. I studied in Rome, but I ran away pretty soon and started Communication School instead.

5. I’m the proud mother of three cats.

6. My partner is also my best friend. I know it sounds cheesy, but...that’s it.

7. I have Asperger Syndrome and I’m pretty cool about it.

8. I’m not very social. I have one close friend and a few friends in general.

9. I love to stay at home.

10. I’ve been practicing yoga for 10 years now (wow).

11. I love cakes, ice cream, and desserts in general.

12. I’m quite good at cooking.

13. I’m Italian, but my great grandparents came from France and Croatia.

14. I love reading comics.

15. I’m a bookworm. I read 50/60 books every year.

16. I don’t have a fav color, I love them all.

17. When I was a teen, I was firstly a Punk, then a Goth.

18. I used to be fatty. Now I use to be very thin (that’s life I guess).

19. My hair was curly when I was younger. They’re now straight as spaghetti.

20. I have to drink a lot of water every day because I had kidney issues.

21. I had kidney issues because I was a reckless gameplayer and I was so stupid not to drink water at all.

22. My fav game before TS4 was Neverwinter Nights. And Theme Hospital.

23. I really love my family, they’re great!

24. I love autumn and winter since I prefer cooler temperatures.

25. I don’t like to go to the beach, even if I was born and lived near the sea almost all of my life. That’s because I hate crowds too.

26. I like to wear glasses.

27. I discovered I like to draw when my partner gave me a watercolor set as a present for my birthday 4 years ago.

28. Since I used to be very shy, I now tend to act as an extrovert person.

29. I did Improv and it helped me a lot with my shyness.

30. I love Rick & Morty and I’m frantically waiting for Season 4 to show up.

31. Seinfeld is everything to me, btw <3

32. I was sure that at the age of twenty-six I would have had my first child. I’m 30 and still no children at all xD

33. I’m a third generation Wiccan.

34. I’m going to move to The Netherlands in November!

35. Since I had a serious problem with time management, I started a bullet journal three years ago. Now I’m a planner junkie.

36. My personality type is INTJ-T.

37. People tend to compliment me about my outfits (yay bitches XD).

38. I think mornings are the best part of the day (plus, I tend to be more productive).

39. I traveled a bit. I went to Iceland, Finland, France, Germany (I fell in love with Berlin) and Corsica.

40. I speak Italian, English, Spanish and a little bit of French.

41. I love Korean drama.

42. I only have a tattoo and it’s on my wrist.

43. I was born in March, and I’m a proud Aries.

44. I practice with mnemotechnics almost every day for twenty minutes. I can remember a whole 52 card deck now! Many people are really impressed by this, but it’s just...technics, nothing fancy.

45. I used to cross-stitch!

46. I have two younger brothers, but no sisters.

47. I lived in Rome for 10 years (more or less), and I loved it. I still love Rome with all my heart.

48. I’m very pale. My father used to call me “neon girl”, because I glow with paleness I guess.

49. Infinite Jest is my fav book so far.

50. My fav book genre is post-modern.

51. I smoke cigarettes, but I’m planning to quit.

52. My fav movies when I was a kid were The Last Unicorn, The Beauty and the Beast and The Princess Bride.

53. I eat a lot. Yep.

54. I quit my job last year because I was way too stressed about it, and I hated it. Now I’m a freelancer.

55. I started my simblr in...May, more or less.

56. I have a collection of quotes from the books I read on Evernote.

57. I saved a life once. It was...shocking and life-changing at the same time!

WOOOO I did it, can’t believe it!

Ah and well, I tag everyone who wants to do this!

#personal #game #57 facts about me

19 notes · View notes

quicksilversquared · 7 years

Text

How to Fake a Marriage (chapter 1)

Adrien Agreste is excited to go to London to get a degree in Physics- but he's less excited about the ridiculous list of rules his father keeps giving him, especially since it's clear that his father doesn't trust his judgement at all.

So what better way to rebel than to fake a wedding with one of his friends as soon as he gets to London?

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

(AO3) (FF.net)

Gabriel Agreste was an overbearing parent, everyone who knew him and his son knew that. He micromanaged Adrien's life to the point that everyone wondered if he even trusted his son to make any good decisions on his own, even now that Adrien was very much an adult.

"He thinks I'm going to do something impulsive and ridiculous the second I'm out from under his thumb," Adrien complained to Alya and Nino during their weekly meet-up at a local cafe. He scowled down at the quiche on his plate and stabbed at it a bit irritably. "Like, what could I possibly do? Go out to a fast-food restaurant? Forget to exercise for a week?"

"Go to a rager, get drunk, and get tattooed all over?" Nino suggested.

Alya rolled her eyes and elbowed her boyfriend. "That is why Mr. Agreste thinks you're a bad influence on Adrien. You make the most ridiculous suggestions."

"I wasn't saying he should do it, I just was giving him better examples of impulsive and ridiculous things that his dad might think he would do." Nino rolled his eyes right back and slumped back in his chair. His head lolled to the side so he could look at Adrien. "Dude, it's gonna be weird with you and Marinette both gone. She's in London too, right?"

Adrien nodded eagerly. Marinette had headed to London several months earlier to do a year-long internship at a fashion house there. From what Adrien heard, she was enjoying herself but missed her family and friends. He had texted her a few times since she left, but hadn't really asked too many questions about her internship beyond a few basic inquiries about how it was going. She was probably pretty busy getting herself set up in another country by herself. "Yeah! Hopefully we'll be close enough together that we can hang out sometimes. I don't know how close my apartment building will be to hers." With a wince, he added, "Nathalie was in charge of finding a place for me to stay, so I don't actually know where, uh-"

"You don't know what part of London you're staying in," Nino said flatly, looking thoroughly unimpressed. "Dude. Really? Your father wouldn't even let you do that by yourself?"

"He was worried that I might end up getting scammed," Adrien admitted. As much as he hated to admit it, he had been rather relieved to find that particular job taken out of his hands. He didn't have the faintest clue how to go about apartment-hunting when he wasn't even in the same country. Granted, he didn't know how to do it when he was in the same city either, but that wasn't particularly relevant at the moment. "And it wasn't as though Nathalie did that much work. One of Father's designer friends lives in an apartment in London near her business and it's a pretty nice place and doesn't cost a ridiculous amount, so Nathalie just found an empty apartment in that building and snagged it for me. It comes prefurnished, which is nice. Then I don't have to do a bunch of furniture shopping as soon as I get there to make the apartment livable."

Alya gave him a look. "And is it near where you're supposed to be for school?"

"It is," Adrien reassured her quickly. He had asked about that much, at least. "It's only a short bus ride away, really."

"Ooh, old man Agreste is letting his son ride on public transportation?" Nino said tauntingly. He smirked at Adrien. "I never thought I would see the day."

Adrien snorted. "He tried getting a chauffeur for me there, but the ones he found that met his criteria were way too expensive and all of them said that driving back and forth the short distance to school would be a waste of time and they had better offers. Besides, I'm technically an adult now. I can make decisions on my own."

He got a dual snort in response.

"I fail to see why you can't simply complete your schooling here in the city," Gabriel said as he entered the dining room yet again for the sole purpose of trying to dissuade Adrien from his trip. Again. "There are perfectly good schools here in Paris where you could do another degree if you really think that it's necessary, and you would not have to forego your driver and your home chief. You'll have to do your own cooking in London, you know."

Adrien only just refrained from rolling his eyes. His father made it sound like cooking would be some sort of huge inconvenience. "I am aware. I have been going over to Nino and Alya's apartment to get cooking lessons from them for several months now."

Gabriel looked cross. "And have any of your experiments been edible?"

"All of them, actually." Adrien was quite proud of that. He had a previously undiscovered talent in the kitchen and even Alya praised the meals he had made. All it had taken was a couple crash-course lessons in reading recipes

Gabriel looked even more sour at that, which made Adrien suspect that that had been his last big argument against Adrien leaving. He had been coming up with reasons (some more valid than others) why Adrien should drop his plans for studying abroad. As the day for Adrien to leave drew closer, Gabriel had only upped the frequency of the appeals.

It wasn't as though Adrien was leaving the continent. He was only going to London for a couple years, and he would be returning to Paris for visits during his vacations and maybe on a couple weekends. London was relatively safe- in fact, it looked like a paradise compared to Paris, which had suffered poor ratings for years after all of the akuma attacks. Tourism still was a little reluctant now, even with Hawkmoth long since defeated. Really, his overprotective father should have been glad that Adrien was moving to London.

"You will have rules to follow in London," Gabriel said after a moment, when it was clear Adrien wasn't planning on backing down. "You still will be representing the company, even if you insist on taking classes for physics instead." It was a long-standing disagreement between the two; Gabriel thought Adrien should stick with the business degree he had already earned at his father's insistence, while Adrien wanted to get his second degree in a field he was actually interested in. It was only because Gabriel refused to let Adrien go into debt that he was even paying for Adrien's apartment and tuition- well, that and the fact that Gabriel wasn't going to have his only son living in a pigsty while abroad just to save money. It wouldn't reflect well on the company. It also probably wasn't very safe to have Adrien living in a slightly dodgy neighborhood just because it would be cheaper.

Adrien inclined his head in response to his father's statement. "Of course." He was well aware of the rules, since he had been forced to follow them for years. Most of them were so obvious that he wouldn't have broken them anyway, even if he hadn't been made aware of their existence. Being reminded of the rules over and over just made Adrien want to break them in the most ridiculous fashion possible.

"No drinking at clubs," Gabriel started, apparently deciding to run through the rules again anyway, just in case Adrien had miraculously forgotten them. "No clubs, period. No pubs. No gluttonous consumption of alcohol in public; it's only acceptable to have a small glass of wine at a dinner function."

As if Adrien would ever dare to behave in such a manner in public.

"No smoking of any sort. No drugs at all, period. No prostitutes or strip clubs. No dating. You will focus on your studies and attend the industry functions that I request of you. I don't want to see you showing up in the tabloid headlines."

Adrien only just refrained from rolling his eyes at that last one. It wasn't as though he could actually control what the tabloids said about him. There seemed to be several particularly trashy ones in the UK that would probably report anything about him with little to no evidence to back it up if they found him interesting at all. Adrien could see the headlines already.

Agreste heir friendly with classmates: secretly starting a harem?

French model drinking wine at dinner: the start of his harrowing descent into alcoholism!

Son of Gabriel Agreste moves to London: Exclusive interviews on the family blow-out!

...yeah, dealing with that wasn't going to be fun. As long as he hadn't done anything ridiculous, though, Adrien was pretty certain Nathalie and the company lawyer would be all too eager to tear into the magazines for harassment and libel.

"Is that clear, Adrien?"

"Yes, father."

A week and a half later, Adrien finally left Paris to head to London. His father reviewed the list of things Adrien was Absolutely Not To Do twice more before he left and had Nathalie email him a list of reminders when Adrien was still on the train. When Adrien got to the station, he found his father's friend waiting for him there on the platform, holding up a sign with his name on it so he could find her as soon as he got off the train.

"Oh, you've grown so much!" Madam Rosalie said as soon as he drew close. She sounded absolutely delighted. "I've seen your photos, of course, but it's different in person!"

"Uh," was all Adrien could manage. Madam Rosalie was not what he expected. He had assumed that since she was a friend of his father's, she would probably dress similarly to Nathalie, with a no-nonsense suit or straightforward blouse and pencil skirt combo. Instead, she wore a playful polka-dot top with a navy crinkle skirt and her brown curls were barely held back by a bandana. He suspected that the clothes she designed were probably similar in their fun style, standing in sharp contrast to the more formal designs Gabriel tended to produce.

"Do you have all of your things?" Madam Rosalie pressed on, apparently not fazed by Adrien's lack of response. "Yes? Good, good- and did you have any other coats with you? Any other bags? No? Fantastic- it's always so difficult to track down loose things left on the Eurostar. Right, then, follow me this way, my car's parked right outside. You're going to be in the same building as a lot of my interns, did you know? I'm in the building right next door."

Adrien blinked. "I thought Nathalie said I was in the same building as you."

Madam Rosalie laughed, even as she grabbed one of his suitcases and herded him out of the station and towards the car. "Oh, no. My building is all long-term residents. Out flats are larger. The building you're in is just as nice, only a little smaller and the flats come pre-furnished. They had student housing in mind there, I think, or maybe temporary workers. It's owned by the same people that own my building, though, and I double-checked with my interns over there on the quality before recommending it to your dad's secretary."

Adrien nodded. That sounded just as good. As long as the place had good reviews from reputable people, then it was fine with Adrien.

Once they reached the car, it didn't take long for Madam Rosalie to shove all of Adrien's luggage into the back of her car, ignoring his attempts to help her. They were on the road not long after that, headed for the apartments.

"So how did you become friends with my father?" Adrien finally asked, breaking the silence. Madam Rosalie didn't seem the sort that his father would immediately click with. Maybe they had had class together at some point and had been forced to do some sort of group project-

-except no, that wouldn't make sense. She and Gabriel wouldn't have become friends from that, if his father's interactions with would-be collaborators was anything to go by. They would have come out of the project hating each other's guts. That was just the effect Gabriel tended to have on people.

Madam Rosalie laughed. "Oh, I was friends with your mother first," she said, flashing a grin at Adrien before returning her gaze to the road. "We were in a bunch of classes together. I met your father through her."

That made more sense. Adrien always remembered his mother as being more of a social butterfly than his father (not that it was hard to be more social than Gabriel Agreste; it was a very low bar to meet), so it made sense that she was the one making connections for Gabriel. She had also been the one to maintain connections until she vanished, at which point Nathalie took over. Despite her best efforts, Nathalie just wasn't as good at it. She was a little too stiff to make people flock to her.

Madam Rosalie was a talker, Adrien realized very quickly. As soon as Adrien's mother was mentioned, Madam Rosalie had two dozen stories to tell about the shenanigans the two had gotten into when they were younger. From that, Madam Rosalie dove straight into a few funny stories about Gabriel and by the time she was done, they were pulling up in front of the apartment buildings.

"You're on the second level," Madam Rosalie informed Adrien as she yanked his suitcases out of the trunk of her car. "It's a lovely view up there, I was just in there last week to vacuum and do a little cleaning. The room's been empty for maybe two and a half months now, so there was a bit of a build-up of dust in a few places but it's all gone now."

Adrien blinked, accepting his backpack automatically when she offered it to him. "Were they having trouble finding someone to fill it?" He had always been under the impression that apartments in the city, especially nice ones like these, were in high demand.

Madam Rosalie gave him a startled look. "Why, no! They had several people come and look, but your father's assistant snatched it up before they could sign anything. She's been paying rent to keep it open for you."

Oh. Adrien hadn't known that.

Really, Nino and Alya could tease him all they wanted for not being involved in the search for the apartment himself, Adrien mused as Madam Rosalie led the way up to the front door, but Adrien couldn't deny that the assistance was appreciated. Renting an empty apartment to keep it until he got there was yet another thing that Adrien wouldn't have thought of by himself.

"One of my interns is in the apartment right across the hall from yours," Madam Rosalie called over her shoulder as she headed up the stairs, pulling one of Adrien's suitcases behind her. "So if you have any questions, she's right there. She's from France, just like you, and she's been here a few months. Lovely girl, and so talented! She's very kind, too, so don't worry about talking to her."

Adrien perked up. "Really?" He couldn't deny that knowing there was another native French-speaker nearby eased his nerves just a bit. He was fairly strong at English- he wouldn't be going to a university in London otherwise- but it would be a relief to be able to chat to someone in French at the end of a long day. Of course, if they were in the fashion industry, it wasn't a stretch to think that they might know who he was- and who his father was. Adrien might have to deal with an overenthusiastic fan next door, for all he knew. That would be the opposite of relaxing.

"She's out and about right now, but I'm sure you'll run into her later," Madam Rosalie said as they exited the stairwell. She stopped in front of the door closest to the stairs and pulled out a set of keys. "You're in this flat. It's got a nice view and you only have the one next-door neighbor since you're on the end, so you should be set."

Adrien nodded. Of course, he knew he would still have to deal with upstairs neighbors and he wouldn't be able to jump around like he sometimes did at home since he had downstairs neighbors, but it was nice to hear that his closest neighbor wouldn't be a problem.

The door swung open, and Madam Rosalie ushered Adrien inside. Pulling his suitcases along behind him, Adrien stepped into the living room area. It was small compared to what he was used to, but then again everything was small compared to what he was used to. Still, it wasn't as though he actually needed all that much space. Nino, Alya, and Marinette all lived in apartments, and their living rooms were about this size. It would be more than enough for him, especially since he was living by himself.

"Since this is a furnished flat, you have a lot of stuff already here," Madam Rosalie said as she closed the door behind them. "Couch, of course, chairs, table, bed, desk in your bedroom, some pots and pans and a casserole dish, knives- you might want to get them sharpened, by the way, I have no idea what condition they might be in- and silverware, plates, cups, bowls- really basic stuff and not a lot of it, but at least you don't need to buy everything. You might want to buy a few more things in you do any fancier cooking, but the basics are covered."

Adrien hadn't even considered that. He had thought about groceries, of course, but not the cooking things. For whatever reason, he had just sort of assumed that it wasn't something he would need to get. That would have been a nasty shock if he had arrived to find that he had no food and nothing to eat with.

"Your father ordered towels, pillows, and bedsheets for you. The boxes are waiting in your bedroom," Madam Rosalie said while Adrien was still taking in the living room. He winced- another thing he hadn't even considered, he was off to a great start with being independent- and set his suitcases down to follow the designer down the narrow hallway to the bedroom and bathroom.

He was going to be stuck here all afternoon unpacking, Adrien could tell already. He would be lucky if he could get out to find a grocery store before the sun set. He might have to order out- or maybe he should just not unpack everything and deal with it tomorrow so that he would actually be able to eat tonight.

The bedroom itself was a decent enough size, though he wouldn't be able to leave much on the floor without it becoming a real obstacle. The closet was smaller than he was used to, for sure, but he had hardly brought along the entirety of his wardrobe either. That would just be excessive, especially considering that he didn't even wear most of it on a regular basis.

"Do you want any help unpacking?" Madam Rosalie asked as Adrien maneuvered around the boxes on the floor. "If not, I need to stop by the office and check on a couple designs. You have my number, right?"

"I can manage the unpacking," Adrien assured her. "And yes, I have your number. I'll be fine. Do you know where there are any grocery stores nearby?"

"There's one a few blocks over," Madam Rosalie said, stepping back around the boxes towards the door. "But it's more a high-end store, good for picking up a couple things in a rush but I wouldn't recommend doing a large shopping trip there. There's a larger store a little further out that's a little more affordable, but you can ask your neighbor for directions. Knowing her, she would probably come with you and help you carry stuff back."

"She won't mind me bothering her?"

"Oh, not at all," Madam Rosalie assured him. "As long as she's not in a huge rush for a deadline or anything I'm sure she would be happy to help. Like I said, she's very friendly. Oh, and here are your keys- catch!" She unhooked Adrien's set of apartment keys from her own keychain and tossed them across the room. Adrien caught them easily. "Have a good rest of the day! Ta-ta!"

With that, Madam Rosalie gave a cheery wave and vanished around the corner. Within moments, there was the sound of a door opening and closing. The second he was sure they were alone, Plagg zipped out from Adrien's pocket and surveyed the bedroom.

"It's small," Plagg commented, spinning around to look at the whole room. "And cramped, and I don't see any cheese."

"You are about as subtle as a speeding truck," Adrien sighed, kicking a box to the side to head back out to the main room. "I have some cubes of cheese that I packed. It's not Camembert, but it'll have to do until I can go shopping."

Plagg grumbled.

"And you'll have to ration your Camembert a bit," Adrien cautioned. "No more eating two wheels a day. Half a wheel at most plus some other cheeses will have to do."

Plagg let out an immediate loud whine at that.

"Don't even start," Adrien said warningly as he entered the living room and bent down to sort through his bags. "It'll look weird if I'm buying seven wheels of Camembert a week or going grocery shopping every other day. It's not back home, where we had Camembert stocked in the kitchen."

"I'll starve. You don't skimp on food for yourself ever."

"I'll buy other cheeses. You said you like Gouda, right? Brie? And I know you'll eat Swiss and cheddar in a pinch." Adrien dug in his backpack and tossed a large cube of cheddar to Plagg before taking the rest of the cheese and putting it in the refrigerator.

"But it's not the same."

"Think of it this way: for you, Camembert is like dessert. It's tasty. You eat less of it than other cheeses, and then it's more of a treat when you do have it." Adrien grabbed his suitcase and headed back to the bedroom. He might as well get started with unpacking so he could start getting rid of the boxes. "And I don't eat dessert day in and day out."

Plagg let out an angry mutter, but didn't argue further.

Back in the bedroom, Adrien attacked the boxes first. Once all of the pillows, sheets, and blankets were on the bed (it didn't look pretty, but Adrien wasn't actually sure how to make the bed properly and at least it worked), Adrien delivered the towels to the bathroom and tossed all of the boxes and packaging into the kitchen, where they would be out of the way for the time being. He unpacked his suitcases next, shoving shirts, socks, underwear and pants into the dresser and hanging a few things up in his closet. Much to his surprise, it really wasn't taking all that long to get things stashed away. Of course, part of that was because Adrien couldn't bring a ton of stuff with him on the train, but he had still thought that setting up would take longer. Granted, he still had grocery shopping to do. He would have to shop enough to set up his entire pantry- that meant all the spices and sugar and salt and flour and eggs and everything. That would probably take the longest out of everything.

Sighing, Adrien pulled out the list Alya had prepared for him of everything Adrien needed to start a pantry. He had made his own additions to the list, of course, since he had picked out what things he wanted to cook during his first week and obviously Alya hadn't included Camembert on the list at all. He would have to buy some containers for leftovers and some reusable bags as well...

Ugh. Grocery shopping would probably be the hardest part of the moving to a new country. At least he didn't have to deal with shopping for furniture or most kitchen tools. That really would have been a nightmare. This was already bad enough.

Adrien let out a long sigh as he gathered up his wallet, his keys, the one bag he had brought along, and the completed list. Putting off the trip wouldn't do him any good; after all, he did need to eat. Maybe he wouldn't take care of everything on his list until he found out where the budget store was, but he had to pick up a couple things, at the very least. Hopefully he would run into his neighbor soon.

Adrien was lost in his racing thoughts of what he had to get done first as he neared his flat's door. There were so many things to do that needed his attention so he could actually function, and all in a foreign country. Now that he thought about it, Madam Rosalie hadn't actually said where the closest grocery store actually was, so he would have to ask someone- and who knew if Londoners were friendly or not? He hated asking random people for help, especially when he was abroad. People tended to ask about his accent and then practically asked for his whole life story when they learned he was from France. It wasn't fun at all-

He was so distracted that he didn't even notice that there was someone passing his door until he ran straight into them.

Both Adrien and the other person yelped as they stumbled, and Adrien's hands flew out to steady the other person before they could fall or drop any of the bags they were carrying.

"Sorry, sorry- I mean! Sorry about running into you," Adrien corrected himself, switching from French to English. "I should have looked where I was going-"

"No, no! I should not have been walking so close to the door, I just am not used to anyone living there," the girl in his arms said quickly in accented English, finally steadying herself on Adrien's arm and readjusting her grip on her bags. "It's not your fault at all- Adrien?!"

Blinking in surprise, Adrien finally looked down at the girl properly, taking in her wide blue eyes and oh-so-familiar face. His mouth dropped open in surprise.

"Marinette?!"

#Miraculous Ladybug #My writing #How to Fake a Marriage

405 notes · View notes

arsonforcharlie · 6 years

Text

a very late fuck squad update: “i had a really good cliffhanger written but then you guys yelled a lot.”

sorry i’m late on this! i was finishing off some notes for tomorrow and realized i never actually posted a summary for last week. whoops

Started the recording just after Saida started saying ”that’s gonna be the name of my chick punk band.” Lost whatever gem that was to the ages.

Saida: “So I have a confession. [fills mouth with cake] Iunno how to play this game.”

“Stop being so fucking mirthful in my house.”

Saida: “I’m sorta resentful that I rolled so good.” ”Those stats represent, like, who you are as a fucking person.” Saida: “YOU’RE who you are as a fucking person!” “…. yes! Technically!”

Yoni: “I have an 18 in Wisdom!” Saida: “So what’s your excuse?”

We finally started playing a solid 9 minutes into the recording. Christ.

Saida: “Did the thing i said about all the pie I eat make it onto the recording?” “It’s on there now.”

First roll of the session is to determine how hungover Sergei and Saida are. This is how our game is going.

Saida’s first action having turned over a new moral leaf is to go through Enro Monsterblower’s pockets, shake him awake and kick him out of the hotel room.

Saida: “now that I know I’m good at everything I’m willing to try things.”

I made some truly fantastic snoring noises that convinced Rhonia and Sergei that there are werewolves in Chillwater.

“I’m gonna wake him up and make casual conversation about all the murder.”

Saida: “How did you get here?” “You… you invited me back here.” Saida: “That sounds like something I would do.” “It was, you did do that-” Saida: “I don’t need your backtalk.”

Saida: “I handcuff him.” “Do you have handcuffs?” “I 100 percent do, I’m Macgyver. Actual handcuffs, I stole them from Lord Acotar.” “Right… You’re not Macgyver at all, you’re a thief! That’s not what Macgyver did. Hey, I’ll make a grappling hook by stealing this grappling hook!”

Harde messages them to point out that maybe they shouldn’t be using official channels to plan drunk roller coaster adventures. Saida: “I write ‘Uh oh.’”

Harde and Narder have not made much progress on tracking down Cheeda, the maid who was fired. She didn’t show up at home and they haven’t found any records of her looking for a new job in town. Having discovered one fact about the case, we return to the Case Of Saida Invited Some Dude To Stay The Night And Then He Did That.

Rhonia: “I see if the snow is magical!” “Presumably you’re detecting magic and not just, like, tasting the snow to see if it gives you magic tingles.” Saida: “I wanna do that!”

Rhonia is wrapped up in a big hotel comforter and she goes to Saida’s room to get her out of having to deal with the dude she just slept with. Saida throws his pants at him and tells him to get out of her room. She also tells everyone about the magic snow.

“Oh, before breakfast I was gonna go help shovel the snow-” Saida: “IT’S MAGIC SNOW”

Saida: “I think I either have an apology letter to write or someone to avoid. One of the two.”

Maddela’s new sexual partner, Idina, who invented cigarettes, starts smoking, and when asked to stop, just puts it out on the back of her arm. “She’s my new favorite character, fuck all you guys.”

Saida: “I’m gonna try and look presentable just in case.” Rhonia: “I’m still in the blanket.”

“We need to know what your hairstyle is, Saida, it’s really important to the plot!”

Saida: “Any land deals? Developers? Do they exist?” “No, and no developers. We own most of this mountain.” “Smart business move.” “Owning a mountain? Yes.”

Yoni: “Alright I think i cracked it. It’s ecoterrorists.”

Rhonia eats the snow. A 9 perception reveals that it tastes like snow. And her mouth is cold now.

Saida: “It’s amazing how more together I look when I’m not drunk and you’re you.”

Saida: “Well as long as we can dig a pathway we’ll be alright.” “Oh, you’re going to help dig a pathway? “[scoff] of course not.”

Rhonia and Yoni get sent over to interrogate Tarand. He doesn’t know who cast the snow spells, and is kind of indignant at the assumption that he would.

Saida: “I’m judging him for the fact that he almost married me. Dumbass.”

“She’s making jokes about not knowing how to play Pathfinder.” Yoni: “I don’t need to joke. I’m living it.”

Rhonia: “There are… some things…. it would be handy to have a wizard for…. Do you know any necromancy?”He doesn’t know any real necromancy. Saida writes in the book that she’s been drunk for two days so now Harde and Narder know. Also a bunch of insults.

“Dates don’t exist, this is fantasy time!”

“The name doesn’t ring a bell.” Saida: “Is that because she said gnomeface instead of his actual name?”

We renamed the himbo Garfunkel because I kept forgetting his name.

Tarand met both Shareena and Garfunkel in the hotel bar, didn’t have much contact with them outside that. Yoni goes back to the table and Rhonia continues the interrogation. She finds out that Tarand could potentially try to stop the snow, and that teleporting objects is possible.

“He has two plates. One has pancakes, one has waffles. He’s rich. That’s what being rich means.”

Rhonia then gets a 30 to intimidate Tarand, takes his waffles, and walks away eating them.

A very long discussion where we all try to do math trying to figure out how to burn their way through the snow.

Saida: “Did you people not hire a fake fantasy civil engineer?”

Rhonia: “Are you gonna Legolas it?”

Sergei casts Featherstep which lets Pashmina walk on snow, and Garfunkel is out there putting blankets on the horses, having waded through the snow.

Saida draws a dick in the notebook and tries to frame Yoni for it.

Sergei and Pashmina bound out over the snow to the equipment shed to get the plow and snowshoes for everyone. Saida sews herself a coat out of a blanket for herself, Yoni, and Rhonia.

Saida: “It’s almost like someone came prepared for this winter resort.” Maddela: “No, I just steal shit.”

Saida: “That sounds arbitrary. Like, Canada 1969 abortion laws arbitrary.”

It was established that Tarand is powerful enough to do all the magic they’ve seen so far.

Saida: “I don’t understand why he was in a snit about the fact that I was drunk for two days!”

Due to forgetting horse terms, Sergei gets “debriefing his horse” and chats with Garfunkel.

Saida: “It’s not a heavy petting zoo!”

Sergei tries to push off blame for the Saida situation despite being an instigator, tells Garfunkel that Saida didn’t kill Shareena.

“I remember she was causing a scene as she went out- I heard she was yelling, and throwing things. I think Tarand has a type.”

Sergei: “She was a…. professional.” “Professional? Professional what? I don’t think she was a lawyer.”

Yoni rolls to snap her fingers, rolls pretty low, and gets covered in leftover syrup from Rhonia’s pancakes.

“I’m gonna let you guys take 10 on snapping your fingers.”

Sprit doesn’t know of any gnomes in the area, and she didn’t know that Cheeda didn’t show up at home. She lets them see her teleportation charm, and reveals that there are more in Llydor’s office.

A request has been made to meet Scrote the Ogre but that’s gonna require one hell of a GM bribe. There was a break for Rhonia’s player to tell us the story of a GM who named his world Anustear by accident. Whoops.

Sprit says she didn’t see Laurelia before she died, but gets caught out and admits that she was paid to deliver a letter. She had been asked not to tell.

Yoni: “I’m lying that she can trust me!”

“It’s weird that you’re trying to ingratiate yourself to a woman you’ve had sex with by acting like a child.”

Saida uses her gauntlet to read one of Sprit’s memories. She doesn’t do a hit. Sprit has been asked to deliver notes to Scrom in the past from a mysterious person that she doesn’t know.

Yoni: “We’ve got it, Bobbie, Bobbie’s the murderer!” “You’ve solved it, you’ve found me out, I murdered my own characters and you’re next!” “What if I don’t believe in god?” “I’m gonna double murder you because you’re a cleric.”

They get Llydor to show them the extra teleportation charms, and it’s revealed that two are missing. He also agrees to bring up the guestbooks from the past month, and tells them that he doesn’t have contracts for all the employees. Saida brings up that Llydor is treating his employees badly. Then they all go to dinner. Everyone discusses the questions that they meant to ask and then forgot to do.

“On tumblr I just reblog posts at random, which honestly would explain a lot about my blog.”

Maddela breaks into Llydor’s office, and digs around for clues. Among many other things, they find letters from Llydor’s kid, which prompts a resounding “EWWWW” from around the table. Sorry Llydor Philkirk canonically fucks.

“Roll for it to make sure you don’t completely fuck it up. Oh. Oh, that was a facial expression you just made.”

Maddela “Actually…. I’m gonna go… and not steal the carpet.”

Under the carpet is a large brass key, and Maddela uses her key blank to copy it. Like a proFRESHional. She’s seen coming out of his office by an approaching servant, but otherwise it’s a flawless crime. Meanwhile, Llydor hasn’t yet shown up to drop off the books. They summon Sprit, who tells them that he left some books at the front desk for her to drop off because he had some other business.They send Sprit to go find Llydor but also to get a bottle of champagne and some snacks first. Saida reads through to see if she recognizes the handwriting in any of the books from the note she saw in Sprit’s memories, but she doesn’t.

“You need to learn to count to three to play Pathfinder.” Saida: “Well you need to learn to read to GM Pathfinder.”

RUDE

“You try to track down Llydor.” Sergei: “Yeah!” “What are you doing to try to track down Llydor?” “……..”

“He does have a distinctive cologne. Scent, for dudes.”

Sergei rolls really well and finds that Llydor went outside, but loses track of the trail because he took the well-shovelled path. Saida has spent time looking up AA quotes and plans to drop them whenever she feels it’s appropriate.There’s also a subplot where Yoni is convinced that Pashmina was pregnant and had an abortion. The less said about that the better.

“You guys, I’m in AA, not NA. There’s a whole world of drugs out there.”

Yoni, Saida, Maddela, and Sergei visit a bar called the Jeweled Bitch, which is explicitly there for rich people to feel like they’re slumming it. At the bar, people knew Shareena- she had a gig where she posed as a hotel guest to get into the hotel bar to find clients. They often had to kick her out of the hotel bar, though. Maddela also hit on the bartender.

“You found a book. A self-help book. The Fantasy-cret.”

They meet at the hotel bar, where Krash is drinking and they have a pretty awkward conversation.

“Who are the bartenders? How many are there? What are their names? What are their backstories?” My players are trying to kill me.

Saida: “Do we know what Sharona looks like?” “Do you know Shareena’s name?”

The bartender, Veldahar, reveals that he doesn’t know much that they didn’t already know, and then says some shit about orcs so Rhonia intimidates him.

None of my friends can snap their fingers and it’s very funny.

Suddenly, Sprit goes to find them to let them know that Llydor Philkirk has been murdered and abandoned in a garbage chute, and it looks like he has frostbite on his fingers and toes.

“I’m not comfortable being down here with the body. It’s creepy.” “This is a murder mystery!”

“You know, if you keep talking about the murders like they’re good things, people will keep suspecting you.”

They inform Harde and Narder that Llydor is dead and also immediately start planning to take over the resort and start a sex cult. “I think Bobbie is crying.”

#the fuck squad #fuck squad recaps #no sex cults

5 notes · View notes