Pokerants: Teddiursa
idk i find this fun, i like talking about how animals in pokemon relate to animals in the real world- if you're not interested in this series, thats fine i like what im doing and i hope i can teach you guys some stuff
Teddiursa! this little cutie!! #0216
i browsed the Pokédex and these are the facts i gleamed-
they always lick their paws, which are often soaked with honey, they have a habit of hoarding food in hidden locations before winter, their palms taste sweet due to their constant contact with honey, and each set of paws has their own taste due to its absorption of honey
their crescent mark glows when it finds honey, it concocts its own honey by blending fruits and pollen collected by a beedrill, they follow combees to their hive and steal their honey
they lick their paws when theyre nervous, which makes them smile again
and now, screaming time
firstly, the crescent mark glows. how? how does it glow. does it have little LEDs in its head? does it utilize glowing bacteria in its skull? how does it glow huh? furthermore, bioluminescence is utilized to 1) attract prey like with anglerfish, 2) communicate information like with fireflies, or 3) to camouflage itself from predators, like with marine hatchetfish. notice how all of those uses are advantageous in getting food, finding a mate, and avoiding being eaten. that's like the three main things natural selection and life as we know it cares about. what function, really, does its crescent moon lighting up have? when it finds food, it glows? how is that a useful trait, especially since bioluminescence is such a cool trait to have, why is it wasted on "oo i found food glow time"
secondly, it states that the paws absorb the honey. huh? no, thats what the body avoids like hell. the layers of the skin push outward as more skin grows underneath to replace it, there's nothing in the skin that pulls things in. the honey can carry bacteria and viruses and fungi, why would the body allow the honey to be absorbed into the skin. paws are not supposed to absorb things. also,,, i want to know which scientist was going around tasting Teddirusa paws to be able to say they each taste unique cuz they need to be questioned.
thirdly, it can make its own honey. uh!!! how fascinating!!! how!!!! sincerely, how do the pokedex authors think honey is made??? because last i checked, the recipe for honey isnt just fruit + pollen = honey. if it were that easy, we would be making it ourselves and would have no need for apiaries. the production of honey is extremely convoluted, it requires enzymes that only bees can produce,,, actually yknow what? here, lemme tell you how honey is made. first, bees suck in nectar from flowers through their proboscis, its stored in their "honey stomach," enzymes in the stomach begin to break down the nectar into simple sugars, then the bees pass the nectar mouth-to-mouth through the colony to further break down the nectar into sugars and reduce the water content, then it's stored in the honeycomb, where the fanning of the bees' wings evaporate the rest of the water, and then once its finished, they seal it in wax so it can be stored indefinitely. notice something about that: bears cant do that shit.
fourthly, yeah some animals really do store their food over the winter, like squirrels and birds, its called hoarding! they don't have a lot of body fat, so they need to be able to keep their stores high so that they survive when there's not a lot of food freely available. yeah,,, bears aren't one of those creatures! (sidenote, pokemon namers are literally the laziest motherfuckers- Teddiursa- Teddy as in teddy bear, and Ursa from the Latin word for 'bear' like cmon) yes, some bears have been known to hide carcasses for later, like in rivers and things, but this isn't for the winter, this happens in the other seasons! during hibernation, bears rely on their body fat stores to keep them healthy, and this has worked for millions of years!!! they fatten up in autumn, then hibernate in winter, they don't hoard food!!
and fifthly, yes, some animals do indeed have stress-relieving behaviors, the way the "eating honey to smile again" is described makes it sound extraordinarily anthropomorphic, which is to say, ascribing humanlike qualities to nonhuman things. it sounds far, far more like something a child would do, and not something a bear would do. yes that's very cute and an adorable addition, but it ISNT REALISTIC (i know thats the point im just having fun here leave me alone)
anyways yes im having fun with these, i love pokemon so much and i love screaming whenever the pokedex says some jk rowling ass random shit for no reason
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Frankenstuffel
Type: Fairy/Ghost
Abilities: Rattled/Scrappy (Normal) or Fool's Arena (Hidden)
[Fool's Arena: Sets up a Trick Room on the battlefield when the pokemon is hit by an attack.]
Stats:
HP: 75
ATK: 85
DEF: 70
SPA: 20
SPD: 75
SPE: 40
TOTAL: 365
Gender Ratio: Gender unknown
Catch Rate: 30
Egg Group: Undiscovered
Hatch Time: Egg not obtainable
Height: 2'00" (0.6 m)
Weight: 1lb (.45kg)
Leveling Rate: Medium Slow
Base Friendship: 30
Pokedex Information: Originally thought to be a variant or convergent form of Stuffel, this pokemon in fact only resembles Stuffel superfically, sharing the traits of being bipedal, ursine, and resembling a stuffed toy.
While Stuffel is not a stuffed toy, Frankenstuffel seems to be - it has been observed "building" others like itself from abandoned toys. Inexplicably, it only chooses toys that resemble Cubchoo, Teddirusa, Pancham, Stuffel, Komala, and Kubfu. No one knows how they are animated or where they originally came from. It is speculated that they were originally created by human hands.
These mischievous pokemon can have motivations ranging from playful to malicious, often targeting young children or pokemon for their "pranks". Each individual tends to be consistent in their motivations for "pranks" - playful individuals do not usually deviate into the darker motivations unless driven to do so. Malicious individuals on the other hand, have been observed to modify their behaviour when their behaviour distresses their trainer.
It is unknown if this pokemon evolves, what the evolution method would be, or what it evolves into.
Description: This pokemon is built from bear-themed stuffed toys and literally stitched together with heavy black stitches. "Shiny" individuals are observed to have white stitches instead. Each observed Frakenstuffel looks different - the "configuration" of parts is unique to each individual pokemon. They are also observed to "decorate" themselves with parts of defeated pokemon - Oshawott shells, Squirtle shells, Meowth coins, Voltorb casings (worn as "hats"), Cubone skulls, Staryu jewels, etc. They will also sometimes "modify" themselves after creation with parts of other stuffed toys. It is primarily bipedal, but has been observed running on four legs for extra speed.
Rules of Use: This was made with the pokemonirl community in mind, but it's free for anyone to use in noncommercial endeavors. I'm unsure at this time if I'm comfortable with people profiting off my fakemon with adoptables, but if someone commissions art from you for this fakemon, that is fine. Aka you can commission art of this fakemon. I'd love to be tagged in any art created :)
Each individual is unique and how you design it is up to you if you "design" one! You may not design an evolution however, as I already have that planned.
credit to @water-pokemon-appreciator for the HA name & @champion-class-hatsune-miku for the base stat spread. Special mention to @stonerghostie, who suggested "Jester" for the HA, which I will be using for a different ability in the future :)
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Gioco a Pokemon Go da ormai nove mesi e solo ieri mi sono accorta che un Pokemon che ricorda un orso si chiama Teddiursa, non Teddirusa, che ha molto più senso visto che penso proprio abbiano giocato sull'espressione inglese teddy bear e per non renderla troppo esplicita abbiano sostituito bear con ursa che è l'orsa in latino. Non so perché l'ho sempre letto sbagliato.
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