#ter. its literally like i got my drivers license! i got a 92 on my test! i got the desired results there! but yet im still fucking crying
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I'm a fucking disaster send tweet
Also btw guys I got my drivers license
#the craziest thing about this web site is that i never publically embarrass myself here#like i have the emotional intensity of a nuclear bomb and the self control of a hand grenade#ive been going off VERY publically since i was eight years old and its really only gotten worse#it probably hit its peak in middle school but still i just-#i cant even get fucking angry or frustrated at myself without fucking crying! and everyone asking me if im okay like no! im not okay!#i screwed up something i have in my ability to do well because i got in my own damn head or whatever no im not okay#its just like the worst part is that my mind doesnt care if i did good on what i was supposed to do it only sees that i could have done bet#ter. its literally like i got my drivers license! i got a 92 on my test! i got the desired results there! but yet im still fucking crying#because i knew and possessed the skills to get those scores (and better!) in me and i had in fact done better and shown that i had those#skills in the past BUT instead they gave them to me out of pity because they knew i could do better#so then i have to be the person sitting there crying when i did perfectly fine but really i fucking hate myself because i know i didnt#actually do perfectly fine!!! i did fucking dogshit instead compared to how i could have done how i KNOW i could have done#its just annoying because like. i am a very cheerful and positive person and am actually one of the more stable people i know. i have an#amazing relationship with my family i do well easily in school and i dont get involved in bad things or generally make bad decisions#however every few months i have a very public breakdown over something incredibly stupid because i get wrapped around the axel in my head#everyone i know from distant acquaintances to complete strangers have seen me fucking cry because i just cant stop it#im supposed to be celebrating right now and picking where we're going to go out to dinner tonight but instead im not because im fucking#crying in my room because i passed my drivers test#what the hell is wrong with me i swear to god#also shoutout to neurodivergent people with chemical imbalances and stuff in their brains because mine works how its supposed to and its#absolutely fucking hell on my life. like hot damn idk how you guys do it absolute fucking props i respect you all SO much genuinely#anyways i need to get my shit together before anyone else tries to talk with me or else ill start crying again#highkey considering not posting this but if i dont ill lose any and all catharsis i could possibly get so like sorry guys#blah#ignore this
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