#its just like the worst part is that my mind doesnt care if i did good on what i was supposed to do it only sees that i could have done bet

[broke-on-books]

I'm a fucking disaster send tweet

Also btw guys I got my drivers license

[swiftfootedachilles]

Hi! You asked for an ask and I’m always down to ask so…do you have any headcanons about Mickey’s time in Mexico?

wow you managed to ask me about the only thing of this show that i HAVENT rlly thought about so hats off to you

uhhhh okay first, PRE-MEXICO. i think mickey broke out in the first place because he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him. i think if ian didnt break up with him and dedicated himself to being a prison boyfriend (?) mickey wouldve stayed in. (i also think he wouldve found a skeevy defense lawyer who owes the milkoviches some debts and appealed his conviction bc lets be honest its total bullshit that he got locked away just based off sammi's unreliable testimony. like where the fuck was debby to lie under oath and say mickey was with her the whole time and she saw sammi take more pills than usual and go outside to move things. sorry im losing the plot this is NOT the time to discuss my s6 rewrite.) mikey haf absolutely no reason to stay in prison, stay in chicago, so i think after nearly 2 years of no visits from ian he just gave the fuck up. why not try to escape? hes smart, he can conjure up a decent plan, right? worst case scenario he goes back to prison, which didnt really fucking matter to him bc he was in prison anyway and he just. didnt care anymore.

so, he broke out and contacted ian ina last-ditch effort to get the love of his life back. he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him, but at the docks hes obviously still shocked to hear ian moved on fast enough to have a boyfriend already. then ian agreed to go to mexico and mickey was SO READY to start LIVING HIS LIFE. he thought that would be IT. him and his lover in mexico at the beach, getting away from all the bad memories of chicago and having a place to START OVER!!! then ian changed his mind last minute and mickey was fucking CRUSHED. AGAIN. and all of a sudden now hes in mexico alone and all his previous plans went out the fucking window because he totally didnt spend the past few days rearranging his plans to revolve around ian being with him.

i dont really think a lot about mickey's time in mexico. i think he was sad. i think he was angry. i think he just did what he could to stay alive and try to move on but he never really didnt. i think he kept his head low and did his job in the cartel and tried to learn spanish but it was too fucking hard so he gave up on that pretty quickly and attached himself to the multilingual members of the gang. i definitely dont think he had a boyfriend. im sure he fucked around with other guys, but i also think he spent more time laying in his shitty apartment that he shared with like 4 other guys trying not to cry too loud thinking about what could have been.

i also dont think he worked for el chapo lmfao sorry to anyone who thinks that but the timeline doesnt even line up. and if he somehow did have a part in taking down el chapo he wouldve been put in witness protection. he probably wouldve gotten killed anyway tho

my dumb ass didnt realize he got a new tattoo until like deep into s10 and i gaslit myself into thinking it was always there LMFAO but i love that he got another tattoo there. i like to think this one was with a clean needle. i dont think this happened in canon, but MY mickey wouldve gotten a tongue piercing! perhaps other ones too. a couple other tattoos, a cartilage piercing, an eyebrow, his nipples. idk. just to change his appearance more. yeah. thats. the only reason.

anyway i think he got back into the US by working with an undercover cop and being a part of a pre-planned drug bust that included him being "arrested" and making it seem like he got extradited to the US only for being wanted. if he wouldve just waltzed into a precinct and said "hey i got dirt on this cartel" his as wouldve been killed so quickly. it needed to be a lot more covert so the other members didnt catch on and get rid of him. i do think eventually they probably figured out he was the anonymous witness whose interviewed were used in trial, which is why when he gets released in s10 the CO tells him the cartel is looking for him. sorry im going all Law & Order here talking about a s6 trial and now a trial against the cartel i need to stop

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

Okay, so remember that concept with allura having amnesia? Ive been thinking about that. a lot. and how it related to kuron specifically-

Beacuse there are PARALELLS here. They both have to deal with a legacy left by a past version of them and they both irreversibly change as people. Kuron resents Shiro and what he represents, and allura struggles with living up to the mysticisied and glorified hero everyone tells her shes supposed to be. and its like- if they talked about it like NORMAL PEOPLE, if Kuron had ANY emotional intelligence left, they would see that they have a lot in common actually!!

BUT. at the same time. I dont think its really possible for them to do that, at least right now, beacuse a huge fuckin part of kurons trauma was caused by allura fucking KILLING HIM, and hes understandably pissed about it. and i think that allura not remembering anything would only make him even more upset, bc everyone besides him mourned and idolisied her, and constantly hearing how great and noble the person who killed you was must suck ass, and then she COMES BACK, and maybe Kuron wants to yell at her and make her feel guilty for what she did and he wants to look her in the face and tell her exactly what he thinks about her- but he CANT. beacuse she killed him, took his body from him, and she DOESNT REMEMBER.

i dont really know where i'm going with this, but. yeah. this whole situation propably sucks ass for both of them(maybe theyll never reconsile. Maybe they wont end up as friends. And that's okay!! its cool to think about tho)

Bestie, my friend, my dude, my guy, mere yaar, yOU HIT THE NAIL RIGHT ON THE SPOT!!!!

So much of post s8 au is people who could have understood one another but dont because of the trauma everyone has, and Allura and Kuron are prime examples of it.

Kuron is not happy with her at all and all this 'hero worship' around her just further exacerbates it cause she used his body to bring back Shiro. Didnt even care that they were friends, didnt even care that he was a person, didnt even care that he may have been still alive, just used his body to bring Shiro back. And he hates her for it and hates people treating her like a hero and would have let her know that she's the worst but what is the point of that? She isnt here is she? She's dead and gone and they couldnt even bring back a body to bury because nothing of her left. So really what is the point of hating a dead woman? He avoids anything and every thing to do with her, and just tries very hard not to think about her, no bad vibes here sir we are just chillin hahahaha 😎😎😎😎😎

.......and then she comes back! And oh boy. Kuron is not having a good time at all. He is still very much avoiding her. If she's in the room, he's leaving the room and if he cant than being extremely snide and just glaring at her. Like he truly does want to explode on her and many times came close as well, but than he just walks out and screams in a pillow.

Allura has no fucking clue what to do with him. She doesnt even know him, doesnt know what his problem is, and thinks he's annoying. Really annoying and rude and she knows when she isnt wanted. Like she has met some genuinely terrible people on her journey throughout multiverse and Kuron is definately much better than them but also?? He's a fucking cunt. Everyone else is on the edge around him but no one wants to talk about it. And fine! Whatever! It's not like she's curious about what the fuck is up with this guy, or why he's the only one who doesnt look at her and is either about to cry or look at her like she personally put stars in the sky. She has too many problems and doesnt have the time for some dude's hostility.

But like once she knows about the whole mind replacing thing? Either because she was told or because she remembered bits and pieces. She's going to feel so guilty about it! Like crushing guilt. She'll try to make it up to him but given that he doesnt want to talk to her and even if he did she is convinced he probably hates her and doesnt want to see hom so she just. Going down the guilt spiral. Along with everything else

And yeah I think Kuron can never forgive Allura just like how he can never forgive Shiro. But i also think they'll come to an understanding and realize that they are similar and learn how to live with their pasts without it consuming them.

[candy8448]

Sage themes worst to best (imo)

I LOVED the sage music, it sounds so good!! None of them are bad, i really liked them all, its just that i prefer some over the others

Looking back on these, im quite impressed by my analysis, i wrote this on the spot with nothing planned in mind and it turned out so well, huh

(Spoilers, if you haven't gotten the fith sage yet)

5: Tulin

IM SORRY, i love Tulin too, he is adorable, and his theme reflects that, sounding flighty and fresh and young and hopeful, those are the first impression i got when i first watched the cutscene. Tulin was my first sage and while listening to the music in that cutscene (after just finishing the colgera fight with an AMAZING track) i knew that the other sages were going to also have sick themes. His theme is just not the style i like, it's the only one (maybe including sidon) that i wouldn't actively chose to listen to. Its still good tho.

4: Sidon

I... dont really care about sidon, i like his personality, i just prefer riju and tulin over him and never really cared about what he got up to (mipha was also my least favorite champion, so maybe i just dont care about the fish people?)

Anyway, Sidon was the only "new champion" in BotW who had a full theme that wasn't just 20 seconds long, so of course they would use it instead of creating something new for the others (which in breath of the wild, was just a cut bit from the champion themes) it is a really good reprise for sidon's theme (i did love his theme in botw), it just doesnt do it for me like the others do. Like sidon's character, it stays the same, iit doesnt bring that much new to the table. Its good, so it sticks with it.

Tied second: Riju and Mineru

I love them both, they sound so good fir very different reasons, i cannot pick a favorite between them

Riju

Riju is my favorite sage, and i like how her theme carries a lot of Urbosa's them with it, like how Riju is, the music carries on Urbosa's legacy, and it just feels like confidence, pride, finally found what she was looking for in herself to be a leader. Also i just love how it sounds, it sounds... kinda heavy? I dont know how to explain it, its just good.

Mineru

Unlike the others, her theme isnt bombastic and hopeful with newfound strength, it sounds sadder, but calmer. It slowly builds up but still stays lower. It does sound like how she stayed asleep for milenia, coming back but not with all herself, having to stay as a construct. She is the one who saw how the sages got defeated in the imprisoning war, and the music reflects that. It kind of sounds like an unsure hope? Like she doesn't know if it will work out but she is willing to put everything on the table to help link

After over 110 hours of the game, playing since day one, i only just got to this part of the game yesterday (spent a LOT of time exploring and doing sidequests) and imediatwlly noticed how drawn back this theme is, learning about the war right after this cutscene was a lot, it was a great scene, and the music fits so well

1: Yunobo

Didn't like him in botw, still dont know if i care about him (i still accidently call him Daruk cuz i forget his name), but his character is a lot better and BOY is this music good!

I loved it the moment i heard it so much that i just had to post the cutscene with the kusic to youtube. His dungeon was my absolute favorite and the music in the dungeon itself was also so good.

His theme starts all clumsy, like the character we knew in botw, but still takes into account his development from that game. Then we get to the GOOD stuff! just has the OOMPH and OUGH and its so bombastic, it sounds strong like the gorons and it sounds freeing, it sounds good, he knows his mistakes from the begining of when we find him in this game, he is confident, stong. Unlike Daruk's theme which started strong then went softer, slower, full if regret, Yunobo's starts clumsy, softer, then builds up into this new character he has made for himself, free of his regrets of what he has done and redeamed. Out of all tge new champions and sages, Yunobo is the one who went through the most development between the two games and his music definetly reflects that.

Also i just loved it from first listen, without thinking about all this that i wrote just now, its judt the best sounding overall, honestly i might like this character more now just because of this

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

I am sending you Aya Shameimaru. she is here in your ask box now. chirping

..no im kidding, i would never want to repel our pure and honest reporter despite her everything

General opinion/How much I care about them: so theres a strong bias due to the fact that my very first exposure to touhou as a whole was hearing pofv's Wind God Girl back in 2009, and by extension Aya herself was the very first character from the series I came to know. I dont think i immediately came to obsess over her or anything and probably only came to like her for real much later... That said i feel like ive known her my whole life and she's top contender for my single Favourite character. It used to be that she only competed with Seiga for that title but i guess there's a lot of characters i could go just as if not more nuts about given the right time of day...

her schtick as an earnest but kinda shady reporter of the ''''truth''' has never gotten old and im pretty sure she's only gotten even more despicable in her methods over the years, but i love all that about her. the tengu has a whole in gensokyo have gotten a whole lot of expansion but i still consider aya to be our main focal point of that group and its always fun to think about how role as an exceptionally long-lived youkai and her perspective on both tengu society and gensokyo as a whole.

Also how lucky was I that i chose Aya, an actual important recurring character who will reliably keep showing up in canon, as one of my favs? I'd be living so differently if i had latched onto like, Medicine or Yuuka instead 😛 (then again i did mention Seiga above and I kinda dont expect her to ever be relevant again so its a matter of context 😝)

A ship I love: There are a bunch of Aya ships I know of and even like, and the ones I most often think about are probably Hatate and Reimu.

But i'm gonna vary it up and talk instead about Aya/Nemuno, something I wish we got even a little more scrap of back in th16. I mean every other player character got some with their matching season character! I choose to believe that even after that one meeting, Aya still makes regular visits to that cave, having designated Nemuno as her go-to yamamba contact despite Nemuno gripping about their supposed non-interference treaty. But Nemuno doesn't mind that much (since she usually doesnt chase Aya away with a cleaver) and comes to begrudgingly kinda like her, which i guess is the reaction to Aya in every ship of hers?

(I also think she's got complicated layered history with megumu which i talked about a little in an older post!)

A non-romantic relationship that I love: actually maybe i should have talked about reimu or hatate above and then saved nemuno for here. i actually want to say ahead of time for this part of the asks that even if i might not immediately default to romantic in a relationship, it uh... wouldnt take a lot for me to see it that way if needed.

That said, i like the thought that both Marisa and Sanae are regularish visitors to whatever hidden tengu infrastructure is in the mountain. Sanae because shes a neighbour with a pass and Marisa because she goes wherever she pleases. Aya being the tengu closest to humans is typically the one tasked to handle their needs or deal with them, with which Sanae she probably gets along with fine, though with Marisa theres probably more hidden ire going on there with how she's typically intruding (the hypocrisy of how aya's always hanging around the human village is always brought up by marisa in response)

The NOTP: gonna say this regarding this part of all these asks, outside of questoinable stuff like incest or so on, there usually aren't ships that i am Against. At worst, i may just not personally see the appeal or much prefer a different dynamic of the relationship.

so um.... ive never really managed to get excited over Aya/Momiji? Like I think they have a very funny potential back-and-forth, but begrudging tolerance is the usual best i see from Momiji's side and i actually much prefer the angles you cold go with Momiji/Hatate. (aya/hatate/momiji love triangle...? 🤔)

My biggest headcanon about them:

she's Old. 👵 Like, thats not just headcanon to me but is actually vital to her character that she is not just long-lived by youkai standards, but shes one of the few tengu around who lived through their developing history, watched their society and gensokyo changed in real time, and adapted in turn with it all. This goes hand in hand with how she simultaneously has great pride as a tengu yet also holds bitterness towards some of the ways they have changed (or havent changed).

Also after messing enough with kappa-made cameras over the decade, she now also fiddles with custom models with her own self-made modifications 📷

An idea for a fanfiction I would like to write/read about them: Talking about ideas is kinda embarrassing for me because i mean... what if i never actually do any of em? 😅 well whatever gonna try not to let that bother me...

for a story about her specifically, there's probably a neat tale to be had like a few decades prior to her being assigned the odd role of 'reporter' and bitterly taking to it, but then gradually coming to make it into her own passion more than any other crow tengu... Imagine the first time she looked at a particularly nice photo she took and imagined the story it told, and her heart fluttering in a way it had never done so before.

Something that makes me thing of them: every journalist archetype in fiction i've seen since and even before 2009 😄 No but if i say i think of her every time i see like, a camera or newspaper, how insane am i going to sound? girls who only thinks about aya going "getting a lot of aya vibes from this"

[hauntedotherworld]

i cant take it anymore. its too painful and i have nothing but suffering thats all i feel and its always been hopeless

i have NOTHING, no one at all to live for .. the one i lost i dont even .. i dont even know if i want her back, although i know we will never meet or talk ever agaib. its already been years. its hard when the person is your fp or.. ex fp.. the feelings that are overwhelming stay but at the same time i have so much anger and despair for what she did. i wish it never happened i had no control over it and i hate it, i HATE HER . SHES THE WORST and never cared like i did, even though we had such a strong bond.. to her it was normal friendship which by the end disapeared.. not for me. because my fucking fucked up head isnt like everyone elses and so im left all alome all i have is suffering, nothing will ever be good enough anymore. i doubt i could even feel that ever again.. i hate her too. i wish i never met her, because otherwise atleast i couldve not known what that felt like. to have an fp. someone who is the entire world for me and i couldnt do shit about it . all i can think of is memories and mourn it . but i also hate her and in one way do not care or wish to EVER meet her again- which again will never happen anyway.. i just feel so fucking empty and have forever but it gets worse the older i get. i cant feel ANYTHING FOR LIFE let alone others now. im living for no reason at all. every part of the day is just empty, void depression and deep bored and loneliness. nothing and no one can fill that anymire either, i knew that when i had gone to college (for a few months until i dropped out and left those great friends id made) because it didnt make me feel ok and i couldnt handle it , i left as always. so i never have anybody. and when i try and form a conmection with stra gers , just to feel sometthing - i feel absolutely nothing at all . nothing now. all i do id hate myself and stuck in my head.

i never want a family i dont care about love anymore or anything and all i feel is that deep empty, despairing feeling and its unBEARABLE .. every fucking day. all i can do is repeat that in my mind and breakdown because what else am i able to do except die? but aside from my anxiety about that, even dying doesnt sound good anymore.. because what will happen? i feel i wont go to heaven because i quit church because of the horrible _thing there. i dont really care abput anything.. except my dog but that isnt enough to make me able to get through when everythings missing and IT ALWAYS WILL BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS. HAVE THIS MENTAL ILLNESS, BPD, AND MAJOR DEPRESSION WITH ANXIETY AND OTHER SHIT THAT RUINED EVERYTHING. ive tried SO hard. so fuckinh hard everyday its torture it always has been but its gotten worse to the point i can hardly think i just feel like an empty shell and the pain is like nothing else. i dont know whatll happen if i die, but whatever happens it should be better than this.. if not, i cant escape it itll come on its own if i dont. so i should just do it. no one cares anyway and i dont either

im just so heartbroken and what i fucking had to be and what my life hd to be. its not fair and nobody except others like me know what this is like.

i cant do it guys its harder and harder and i cant carry on i swear to god

[aburningpotathoe]

THOR: LOVE AND THUNDER SPOILERS

tldr: pros and cons list

PROS:

-cinematography and creative decisions. the movie is visually stunning

-good-ish plot. Janes introduction doesnt feel forced

-good villain

-both posrt credit scenes are reallt good

-really good queer rep

-expands the MCU without feeling like an exposition movie

CONS:

- too. many. jokes. and theyre so cringe too

-the children scene????

- the whole jealous!stormbreaker plot point

-the movie feels like a kids movie which i would respect if it didnt have sexual innuendos, orgy jokes and thor's naked butt

ONTO THE MAIN DISH

Ok im gonna do a quick (lies) review/rant about the movie

Im gonna say its one of the worst phase 4 movies (coming from someone whos really liking phase 4). Id give it a 6/10. BUT one the things i love about it is that it has its own identity and they really let the director expand his vision and make the film his rather than be a generic cbm like the first thors.

But thats also my main issue with it.. i just cant get into taikas vision for this one. I loved ragnarok but here the jokes are cringier and more present, to the point where the first 30ish minutes really feel like a succession of gags.

Also the dialogues are badly written (on that note, i wanted to ask if the english version is better at it, i watched it in italian and im wondering if my issue with the dialogues and the cringeiness is just a dubbing issue).

Onto the spoilers

-Plot

The plot in itself is good, with some minor exceptions and so is the pacing.

The only problems are that Jane becoming mighty thor might feel rushed (i didnt personally mind it tho)

and that Gorr kindapping children felt so RANDOM?? like obviously it was to draw thor out but maybe if they insited more on why heimdall's son is important for Asgard due to his sight, their capture would have made more sense and feel less like a mcguffin needed to further the plot. also Gorr's cage thingy felt like something out of a fairytale and idk how to feel about it

oh and the childern scene but more on that later

Other than that the plot is good, i liked the romcom aspect EXCEPT THE STORMBREAKER BEING JEALOUS OF MJOLNIR PART?????? (then again maybe its less cringe in english idk)

-Characters

Gorr works super well as a villain, christian bale gives it his all and the dubbing was actually astounding for this particular character

Jane is the highlight of the movie, Natalie works really well as a superhero and her chemistry with Chris H. is waaaay better than in the other movies, her arc is really good and almost identical to the comics

Loved the Darcy cameo

Sif was??? there??? she did stuff??? for 2 seconds???

Valkyrie was also really cool, we finally got the confirmation that shes a lesbian and her scenes with gorr are amongst the highlights. And marvel will pay for my therapy after almost killing the only character i care about from the thor franchise.

The guardians are barely there (Crisp ratt looks like someone botched his plastic surgery) and i guess they just are a way to introduce the gorr issue and many many gags (like the temple destruction.. the parts with Kraglins wife... thor doing the splits.... etc...)

Korg is ok.... i wish they had the balls to kill him bevause his "death" scene was actually really cool and surprising. Even tho him with his husband/boyfriend at the end was SO CUTE

The other gods are... cool? the dumpling god was more cringe than cute and i think the scissor god pun was lost to the dubbing. Also we were robbed of like a Khonshu/Taweret cameo, maybe them being on thor side or smt idk

Zeus was really cool and the whole gods are useless and their hybris thing was really cool to see. Ive seen people call zeus cringe but for me it was one of the best parts of the movie. THOR KILLING ZEUS WAS EVERYTHING??? I WISH THEY HAD MORE MOMENTS WHERE THE CHARACTERS EMPTIONS FELT SO STRONG LIKE I FELT THORS RAGE AS HE KILLED HIM (even tho hes alive in the post credit scene)

the inclusion of eternity was wild but honestly was executed well

-direction

A major pro is the cinematography, some shots are outright stunning, some creative decisions are amazing and the cgi works reallt well

ive seen people criticize the costumes for being cosplay-y but it honestly didnt bother me

-cringe

I guess the only problem i had was that there were to many jokes and it reallt felt like a contuous jump from one comedic situation to another woth some hiys of fights, romance and stuff

OH AND THE SCENE WITH THE CHILDREN WAS SO BAD, LIKE I WAS STARTING TO ENJOY THE MOVIE AND THINKING IT WOULD GROW AND ME AND BAM! ITS JUST SO CRINGE AND THEY COULDVE MADE IT WORK SO MUCH BETTER SO EASILY. IT WOULD MAKE SENSE THAT THE CHILDREN WOULD DEFEND THEMSELVES BUT THEY SHOULD'VE STARTED FIGHTING/HELP ON THEIR OWN (ya know so they dont die) AND THEN GET THE POWERS OF THOR BECAUSE THEY ARE WORTHY RATHER THAN THAT CRINGE ASS SCENE. ALSO THE TEDDY BEAR SHOOTING LIGHTING OUT OF ITS EYES???? THE GIRL CUTTING WONSTERS UP WITH A WAND?? (it sounds good on paper but after 1.30 hrs of gags and nonsense it just felt like too much)

The ending was meh... i dont mind thor being a father to gorrs daughter but her having powers out of the blue,??? do they come from eternity????

it was weird to introduce a cosmic entity in the last 20 mins of the movie but it worked pretty well.

ONTO THE POST CREDITS:

I completey guessed that they would introduce Hercules and a thor vs Hercules movie seems right up taikas alley so i look forward to that. Not a fan of zeus not dying tho

The scene in valhalla was sooo cute. Heimdalls cameo was sweet and felt like a good conclusion tho the first thor run (like the thor and tdw worldbuilding)

overall a fun unhinged ride that is downplayed by excessive comedy, which is a shame bc the character journeys are spot on (kudos to taika for putting that much character development in 2hrs of movie). FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHATCH IT IN ENGLISH WITH DUBS bc the main problem is that the jokes dont wok and the dubbing might be a major reason as to why

[arcaneyouth]

sending you some random OC questions(feel free to only answer one/specific ones and not all):

1. Do you have any OCs that you specifically created to be forgettable, but they decided not to be? If so, which ones?

2. If you had to pick one of your OCs to swap places with for an unspecified period of time, who would it be?

3. Which of your OCs do you think would want to be your friend if they were real and aware that you created them?

4. Do you have any OCs that were created entirely based on the vibes a specific song gave you? If so, which OCs and which songs?

1. would you believe me if i said theron. and now theyre the main antagonist/protagonist.

theron was originally meant to be like. a small detail. like they were part of the origin of how the demon came to be, but they no longer existed and no longer had influence on the demon. but instead they kind of. festered in my mind and fought for control and now the story is about them. its kind of really in theme when the main conflict of the story is about theron reclaiming control of their story that dara took from them. the story is definitely way better for it ADGSGFSHF

2. reverie. rip to them but i could handle the horrors of my reality not being real and i wouldnt take being a cool wizard for granted like THEY did

3. ,,,,,,,im going to answer this one under a cut actually. check the readmore

4. hrmm... this is hard cause i actually like,,,, have not Designed a character for myself in a WHILE. the last 2 characters i made with the intention of being for me and weren't adopts i just kept, were shadow (from the raid shadow legend gang) and ghost. and i made ghost a year ago. and my ocs typically arent based on songs, sure I'll make 200 song playlists for my ocs but i wont Make Them based on songs

im gonna have to count characters i remade for this, I'll go with george! George was originally a dnd npc that i was super hyperfixated on for like a year. that fixation eventually faded and i dont totally remember why i liked him so much, but i was considering remaking him for another story for a while and finally everything i wanted him to be clicked when i heard this

(would like to clarify i do not care that much about dsmp the songs just banging. have no clue what its about but its a bop)

didnt realize i even took some visual inspirations from the animation til now LMAO. but yeah now hes a fucked up crime guy whos also a himbo full of love. and violence.

3. this answers a bit. personal <3

most of my characters that Do canonically know i exist dont have super strong opinions on me. reverie was expecting something else when they met me and had to abandon the plan of using me as a way to get out of the game. dara thinks im annoying at best. a nuisance at worst. for pretty much every character ive made thats aware of me, im kind of like. just some guy. im just writing down what they're doing and its kind of annoying but not a big deal. and i know that cause i talk to them sometimes. i never thought it was a big deal i would just think really loudly in their direction and they'd respond. so, because of that, i do know of at least one character who is canonically my friend! phoenix, one of the deathspeaker gods, was genuinely one of my closest friends for a while. we talked All The Time and helped each other take care of ourselves if we needed it. i havent talked to elysium because she doesnt seem to fully be aware im there but if she does ever realize i think we'd be besties. she's so nice and pleasant

(will not be taking any follow up questions on this thanks <3 i have 0 interest in finding out Why they can respond to me they're just my buddies and i like them. dont think about it harder than that)

[metukika]

ok you needing a second to understand that tumbel in tumblr saved me from my embarrassment for having misread your message xD hell yeah haha

maybe you could write us a lil post about your favorite character & why they are that :D (soz for not doin it myself i‘m not feeling like putting anything out there today)

and don‘t decide that you won‘t ever contribute to a bigger project that touches people yet !!!!!! YOU‘RE SO YOUNG you‘ve got the whole world waiting for you and you‘re ALREADY so good at art though. your art is already touching people, no reason why that shouldn‘t work if you should ever work with others on a bigger project!!! GET OUT THEREEE i mean also take your time but IF YOU WANT THAT ABSOLUTELY SHOOT YOUR SHOT KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN FOR OPPORTUNITIES i‘d personally love to see your work in something bigger :D nothing‘s set in stone <3 <3 <3 !!!

aww thank you so much anon! idk who you are but youre so kind to me... thats so nice!

about the whole future thing... i know i have a lot of time but i think because of some stuff coming up soon (when i leave school) im stressed about the future and my decisions in it entirely. idk what im gonna do if i need to go to the military lol like what job to take... i havent started driving and i dont understand shit about all the other stuff thats attached with going to the military im just stressed in general. i dont wanna end up staying in my parents house forever ig.

but i have a lot of time and i know that even if my connection with my friends fade away when they get recruited (which is... also something that could happen... oh god i dunno how to make irl friends) i still have my family, and probably the online world too. if i open commissions im pretty sure id get some work, but i dont think i could do that too much cuz i hate drawing things i dont wanna draw.

but, again, who knows what will happen. ill be fine haha, especially if there are people like you who care enough to write messages like these. most of my online friends are from twt so its always nice to see a tumblr fan <3 thank you anon.

(im realizing how depressed this is all making me sound like i promise its just my school hammering in the importance of the military signs up like i dont even know what part of the mess ill be in most of the time theyre teaching shit that doesnt concern me. im okay, im not dying!!)

now to actually talk about my favorite character! woohoo! happy topic change!

for the two people who read this and the one thats actually gonna read till the end, im putting a cut so this isnt annoying on ur dash (note to anon: this post is so so fucking long i know u prob asked me my fav character to cheer me up but dont force urself to read this whole thing just to be polite lmaooo but id appreciate it if anyone did cuz holy shit)

something that ive realized a while back is that usually when it comes to favorite characters of media, i have a type.

when i made this the character i had in mind where souda (danganronpa), aiura (saiki k) and teru (mp100).

after making the tweet i also thought of denji (csm) who fits right in, and also bakugou (mha) who doesnt, but he looks like half of the characters i did mention lol.

i think the whole social but nice thing came to because of all those shows and stories where the popular kid in school is the mean bully.. maybe i dislike this trope cuz i havent personally experienced any kind of bullying in my school, even as an observer so i cant relate to the experience of having this type of antagonist. the worst it ever got for me was when in fifth grade a girl made fun of me for crying and no one laughed. (shes still in my class over six years later and shes really nice not ufhduh were not friends but were friendly and i dont hold a grudge). maybe its just cuz im wholesome so i dislike any type of negative character. maybe.

that might sound stupid cuz i said i like bakugou, who i used to think of constantly, like for the entirety of 2021 he was in my mind it was annoying. but idk man not all my favs fit into this category ((shinguuji, saihara, yuuko, tweek (who also looks like them! what the fuck!) yuudai from sakana (why are they all blond?!? and men. more female characters what the fuck) barf bag (yes im an object show fan good morning)))

anyways. i like the popular but nice trope is what im saying. why are they all simps? i dont know honestly only one of the characters that i mentioned at the start is simping for someone i ship them with (terumob) (but the reason i even like teru in the first place might be cuz i saw terumob art, thought it was cute, and decided to search more art. i do that with a lot of characters when i dont watch the show (from the original list ive watched all of saiki k, watched playthroughs of the first 2 dr games, watched like a season of mp100 years ago and watched like 2 seasons of mha even before that. i get my filling of plot and character from meme videos, fanart, and fanfics. i understand enough.) and i get hooked on the ship (more examples include akiangel, kiribaku and the two gay boys from evangelion. a lot of homo happening. also whatever the fic version of this is but with denji and yoshida).

about the simping and the bakugou being mean-- i accept my character's flaws!!! i dont erase them!!! bakugou is an asshole and thats why i wanna see him get punished and learn from his mistakes, even if its a little hard! a great fic where this happens (but isnt the main storyline) is quirk: knife! which is probably my favorite non ship heavy fic, check it out!

my fav characters have flaws but just like how you need to embrace flaws in the people you love, whether that means helping them get better or accepting them, i embrace these flaws cuz it makes them who they are! souda, denji and auira wouldnt be themselves if they werent pushing the lines with their crushes and idk what the fuck bakugou would be if he wasnt what he was.

alright lets actually start talking about my favorite character now.

so, right now, my favorite character of all time is-- ding ding ding-- kazuichi souda! who i already mentioned.

look at him! idk if the one and a half people who are reading this know him, but if u know denji, who is a more popular character atm, then imagine that but more wimpy.

the first time i encountered this character i was watching game grump's playthrough of the second game. i watched their first and enjoyed it but didnt really join the fandom. i didnt know anything about the second so i was going in blind like arin and dan, so theres a chance that whatever i thought about the characters was biased and connected to how they feel.

at first i really liked his design. a lot of the characters have small and complicated details but souda is probably the most simple design, not including hinata, but unlike him souda has a lot of bright colors that draw the eye in! i dont particularly prefer designs with sharp teeth but i think its a pretty nice quirk, since its another part of him that makes him look intimidating. theres a headcanon that he filed themselves but i honestly think he wouldnt do that, and prefer the headcanon that its genetic, even if it makes less sense. but danganronpa, and their designs, dont make sense. i think these little strange quirks are better when they arent thoughtout or have reason. he has sharp teeth becuz. just cuz.

if u dont know what happens in the game im just gonna say that the plot doesnt really matter, cuz really the only growth souda experiences is with his relationship to hinata (the main character) and his trust to his survivor friends that makes him stronger and convinces him to leave the virtual reality. im not gonna be talking about the plot in detail. i also havent watched the anime so im not gonna get into whatever he does there. i do know that he makes some cute faces in it, which is pretty awesome.

but, yeah, besides his design, at the start i truthfully didnt really like him lmaooo he was kind of stalkerish towards sonia (ill prob get into their relationship later), he is also a wimp but honestly... i get it hes stuck in a killing game i would be scared of anything too. i feel like of all of the cast, from all the games, souda is probably one of the best depictions of an actual teenager that might exist. of course he has his obnoxious moments, but in a way that a dumb teenager would have. i dont know when i started liking him, maybe after discovering soudam? hmm.

kazuichi is the ultimate mechanic, which is one of the talents in the game that actually gets used? he makes the communicators in chap 3 and fixes the elevator in chap 4. besides that, he is also important to the second chapter since he helped tie up komaeda and he also brought hinata to the diner, though that has nothing to do with his talent.

he learned to be a great mechanic from working at his dad's repair shop or garage or whatever its called. its mentioned that their family is pretty poor, and i think the concept of a character being at one point or another un-wealthy pretty interesting (did that come strange? sorry). he worked to help get their family money he is a good boy, he mentions being better than his dad too. he doesnt look like the typical mechanic, except from the greasy hair and jumpsuit (im talking specifically about his color scheme) and thats another one of those quirks that make no sense but i just like haha

speaking of his parents, lets talk about a popular headcanon that fans have of souda's dad (before we start i wanna state that my opinion on this topic and the topic of souda relationship towards sonia and his trust issues were all stem from an analysis video of him on youtube, if u know u know, so if i want someone more competent talking about it go there, but if u dont care enough to research it or ure only reading because u like me and wanna hear me talk about something i care about dw im gonna go into detail about these anyways

the hc is that souda's dad physically abuses him. i wanna talk about why dont agree (if u wanna skip this part ill put *** when it ends so just go there <3). this hc stems from a story he tells hinata in one of the free time events where he didnt go to his previous school trips because he wanted to save money for his family, even though he really wanted to go, and he says something along the lines of how his dad "beat the crap outta him" when he didnt go.

do i think his dad hit him? probably. i dont really know how common this type of discipline is in japan, or in places with more un-wealthy people so this might be normal to them. does that make that okay? obviously not. but if the only example we get for him hitting souda is after souda does something good for the family in his own expense, it wont make sense for his father to be mad about it, right? i think he was upset his son had to give up his happiness for them, even if it was to save money. the analysis vid said it might be souda just using more dramatized words for it. He was hesitant to tell hinata that he was picked on at school, i dont think hed just admit to being abused so casually. i think his dad might have smacked him from time to time when he was younger but probably stopped the more souda grew up. if his dad really hated him he wouldnt beat him after doing something that would benefit the dad, is what im saying.

also i think that the way souda acts doesnt reflect someone who would be regularly abused... its not like im an expert, but if we for example look at tsumiki, who was canonically abused and bullied regularly, we can see a great difference. yes, souda tends to be caught off guard or scared of stuff, but usually its less of other people and more about the situation around him. he was scared of monokuma and the monobeasts and the morning after the killing gama announcement. he's also generally not that apologist about his stupid behavior... for example he doesnt feel remorse for tying up komaeda, and even threatens to tie up kuzuryuu too. i also think he said something about wanting to punch one of the other guys? this might be cuz he tends to blurt out his thoughts stupidly and doesnt know how to hold his tongue (something that, if he was abused, would probably get him in trouble) but he never recoils from what he said. he whines about being judged, like after letting slip that he was thinking of sonia in a creepy way, but he never goes back and is afraid that someone might punish him or hurt him. like how tsumiki apologizes for the smallest thing at claims that she'll take any punishment.

it might also be because i generally dont like hcing characters with abusive parents haha. i know for a lot of characters its a part of what makes them who they are, but if thats not the case i feel like its always to excuse the character from some frowned upon trait they have.

its a bit difficult to explain so ill take an example from a different character from a different show. todoroki from mha was abused as a child, and its a part of what makes him him, and its a big part of his character, even if hes not in that situation anymore. i wont deny it. now, theres a hc that some people like to believe about bakugou's parents, specifically his mom, being abusive. this isnt canon. first of all everyone is entitled to hc what they want but a lot of the time i feel this is a way to explain his asshole behavior (also i just love mitsuki). i dont like excusing his fucked up actions and blaming his parents. i think that him being an asshole from the ideals that he himself made is kind of what made him interesting. he believes in what he learned from his own experiences that he and only he had. his stupid child thinking made him the gross person he is, and thats way more interesting than blaming his parents' behavior, like we can do with reason in todoroki's case. todoroki acts antagonistic at the start of the show because of the pressure his dad put on him.

now going back to souda, by making his dad abusive a lot of people linked that to him being a creep towards sonia. while i do see how his parents and their expectations might be a motivator, i prefer to blame souda himself for his wrong actions. i dont want to excuse his actions like that. its more interesting to see him grow from the ideals and reasonings he made himself.

***

now let's talk about his relationship with hinata! woo!

canonically, hinata is the person souda is closes to in the game, even though most of the time hinata is just tolerating his stupid behavior. except in his free time events maybe. their relationship is probably the biggest character development souda gets.

lets talk about his past a little more.

souda tells hinata that he used to be picked on for looking like a nerd. he had black hair (but i hc it more like dark brown, because reminder this is a post gushing about my fav character first and an canalization second), brown eyes (in hc world dull pale brown cuz a lot of the char's eyes are dull and pale colored) and glasses (hc: thin and rectangle shaped). he's not really a nerd... except that he's probably good at math and that type of things, since he builds machines and all. if i remember correctly, he says his bullied got away with what they did because he tends to be naive and trusts too easily. he was also used by his best friend that cheated off of his test, blamed souda for it (which he didnt really mind, showcasing how much not a nerd he is if he doesnt care about his studying and tests like that) and then kinda ghosted after feeling bad. but at the time souda was really heartbroken and felt betrayed, this whole situation gave him trust issues because that his naive heart cant tell when someone really wants to be his friend or if they'll drop him when they dont need him anymore.

souda and hinata start off being friends because souda didnt like any of the other guys enough (fair enough, hinata is the most normal one lol) and he tolerated him enough to go to the diner on the second island to spy on the girls with him. at the time kuzuryuu was still an asshole to everyone, but the two do get friendlier after the second trial (survivor boys bff agenda. i did say "bff coded" didnt i?)

souda tells hinata that after his ex best friend left him, he kinda went through something-- he dyed his hair, put in contacts, and pierced his ears (which i like to think was really scare to him) (and i assume this is when he started to wear bright colors, but i like to think he was always a fan of them (aiura and teru kinnie)) to make himself more intimidating (like i said in the list! remember the list?!) so that he wont be picked on. i assume the bullying he experienced was more emotional that physical, and he was probably called names for his nerdy appearance and was made to do tasks for toxic friends and somethings like that. tsumiki was physically bullied and she has bandages all over her design while souda rolls up all his sleeves and has his collar bone exposed while there is no marks on him. maybe he's have some scars from beginner's mechanical mistakes but thats hc territory.

anyways, because of his appearance change, he got some attention from flirtations girls and said that it had intimidated him. i imagine that while he was in his nerd looking mode, he didnt get much attention from the other sex so when they only started approaching him with the assumption he's some punk badass, that was probably a bit overwhelming for him and thats why he has a strained relationship with the female sex. he does kind of sexualize the girls, specifically in the second chapter, but honestly its not really that bad. it kind of even feels a little forced, like he said nanami had "huge jugs" and wonders if this "is what moe gap is" or something like that but he doesnt even say anything about wanting her lmao. the only girl he really shows any interest is sonia, and he mostly gushes about her beauty, instead of her body. not that thats really any better ofc.

he does get along with some of the girls or at least acts normal and not incel-y towards them, like whenever he's angry at saionji, when he felt awkward next to tsumiki or when he made minimaru for owari (though he did mainly do that to impress sonia). when alter ego enoshima suggest putting him between her boobs or whatever batshit crap she said he just yelled he's get crushed, so like. good for him for not being toooo bad. so yeah i do think there are reasons why souda's best friend woudlnt be a girl (for now, at least) and thats why it really is hinata.

and while hinata has other friends, his and souda's connection is special <3 some examples: he is friends with nanami, but they dont really get each other, or at least hinata doesn't feel too connected at her at times cuz shes like a robot and doesnt really get emotions to the full extent. canonically, his and komaeda's relationship is just not... bros, yknow? whatever it is its not "bros". he and souda are bros. i know that he and kuzuryuu consider each other brothers but i feel like while the friendship they have is great, hinata would be more comfortable just letting loose and being stupid with souda. they could connect by being stupid together and distracting one another from the bad in the world by being fun. cuz souda can be fun when he isnt stressed.

but since souda is an emotional character (i dunno if i mentioned this, if u didnt know souda beforehand hes emotional as shit and cries constantly, my beloved) they can get close the two of them emotionally and are empathetic enough to be able to comfort each other. that is, when souda trusts his enough to do that.

thats right. as much as id like to say souda is loyal like a dog, he doesnt really show that in the game lol. because of his experience with his ex friend, souda has trust issues, which i think i already touched upon (idk this is so fucking long im tryna go thru this one topic at a time but good god) and these issues come up in his and hinata's relationship, mainly chap 4. to put it simply cuz honestly the plot doesnt really matter in this context: souda suspects hinata to be a traitor, and because in chap 4 the characters are not allowed to eat, this probably makes him more stressed and causes him to think even more rationally. after the chap is over, in souda's last free time event, he invites hinata to the beach and order him to punch himself.

his actions are really silly here, but basically: hinata shows in souda trust, which makes souda feel like a bad friend, because he couldnt bring himself to trust hinata even though hinata didnt do anything wrong. he feels that their friendship is unfair and that he's the cause of this problem. so i guess he knows he'll get into an argument or a fight because of it, or maybe he wants to give hinata a reason to not trust him so he bring hinata to the beach so they could fist fight. but souda doesnt like to harm people cuz soda is a good boy tm so he asks hinata to do the work for him (which he does not do lol. they communicate and talk like normal friends). this is where souda tells hinata about his past being bullied, after in the last free time event hinata said he could see souda hanging out with the cool kids, so this is where he confides that hes not a cool kid. anyways souda comes to the conclusion that hes more scared of being a bad friend and a coward because of his trust issued that actually being betrayed, and tells hinata that he'll trust him. hooray!

in my mind they are suchhhh good friends. i dont mind shipping souda with a lot of the characters, but it think their friendship is the most important to me. i love them!

now lets get into his relationship with sonia!

i do, in fact, think that his crush on her is fake. i do think he believes in it. but he does not realize that the created a version of her brought on by her general politeness, her status as a princess and her beauty, in his mind that every day strays farther away from the real sonia. he denies her liking of the occult and other scary stuff that turns him off and he acts shocked when she admits to being a virgin (yikes. at least he doesnt really shame her. i think it just ruins his image of her-- again, yikes-- but he ignores it mostly. like he ignores her, the real her, most of the times)

i dont know why he needs a romantic relationship specifically so desperately, but i can think of why he wants that puppy love admiration that he has for her. she, or at least the way he makes her in his mind, is wildly out of her league. sure he wants a girlfriend, but deep down he knows hell never get her. thats why when she turns him down again and again he only gets hurt for like a minute. she even suggests she would rather he be the blackened in the 4th trial and he gets over it pretty quickly. this is the reason he wants to like someone out of his reach so much-- because he cant get hurt from her. he isnt being betrayed or heartbroken like his ex best friend did to him (yes this is about the trust issues again) because he never expected to be with her in the first place. by expecting failure by chasing a girl that is so so out of his league (a pretty perfect princess) he knows what he gets when hes turned down. to him, this is better than actually making an effort with someone he is genuinely attached to because in that case he might actually get his feelings hurt. we see this with his relationship with hinata, though it isnt in a romantic sense. sadly, after they become close friends, he still chases after sonia, but that might be because the player isnt guaranteed to play all of souda's free time events.

this stuff probably will take time for souda to understand. ofc this doesnt really justify his actions and creepy behavior towards her... i like to think that at some point (i constantly forget that dr is a game about killing each other and the apocalypse, but ig this can take place in here too since they both survive) he understands where his problem stem from, maybe with a conversation with hinata or kuzuryuu and he learns and he asks forgiveness from sonia and changes his behavior. the long and hard way!!! my boy did something stupid and he has to make up for it!!!! he will take responsibility because thats what good character writing is!!

itll probably be difficult to come to terms that the girl in his mind, that i do believe he actually fell in love with, is not real. he will cope <3

briefly i'd like to mention souda's and kuzuryuu's relationship i think they are bffs #2 honestly i feel that the both of them plus hinata could be the best trio they are such wholesome guys from all corners of the bro spectrum let the be friends<333 idk maybe even add owari. owari and souda sibling energy <3 this is just hc territory at this point. mioda and souda sibling energy!!!!! for more kuzuryuu and souda friendship read the fic Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi's Guide to Despair Disease: A How-To Take Care of Your Friends(?) Without Spiraling Out Of Control Story. still a wip.

hmmm that was a lot. lets talk about some hcs cuz believe it or not i dont just think of his as what he is canonically, but also what he could be!

ok lets talk about appearances (still canon atm:) he is short-- one of the shortest guys in the cast cuz fuyuhiko and teruteru dont count (thats a plus) and he is, sadly, pretty ripped. it makes since cuz he prob carries heavy stuff and moves his arms a lot for his talent of being a mechanic but when a (male) character is TOO ripped and not for a good reason (for example theres a good reason why nidai or oowada are physically strong cuz of their talents, and some characters are just himbos that deserve it like momota) i just look at them like :|. but it think souda deserves some strong arms <3 he is a cuddler. he would. i just dont think he's impressively ripped. like i think he could sprint fast, but not for long, and that girls wouldnt flawk him for his arms (if they already knew who he was) cuz all in all he is still a wimp loser and he will stay as such, please and thank you.

im a big fan of his narrow eyes. theyre just. dont make sense on him i love it. just like the sharp teeth, he is blessed with looking the opposite of his personality.

now lets talk about post canon appearances! in the world of canon, where the most tragic event in history happens and they were a part of the despair refinements and they live the neo world program (i always forget they dont live in my lil modern day normal aus, ugh), i think he would wake up still looking like how he did in his depair era. idk how long theyre like that but this is my personal hc: hair that reaches his chest, some ugly dulled down pink still sticking to the tips of his messy hair, no hat </3 but his hair is long enough that he doesnt have that hedgehog thing going on </3, no contacts, no glasses, probably scars over his arms and one over the side of his lips like that rio penguin from madagascar (also curse that show for making my tiny stupid child brain think there are penguins in the desert. at least there are such a thing as beach penguins... hmm). i think he would cut his hair to be shorter that it is in canon, a bit longer than hajime's and would resemble saihara's except brown, parted and no ahoge. he wold be dispensation by the length. he would also wear a cap (the normal way) and with his natural colors back, he would look very snuggble :)) he would hug everyone he would be the comfort giver at least to the survivors (this is the part where u realize how insame i am for him lol)

in a world where the end of it didnt happen, i feel like he would feel kind lonely for a while after school, and wouldnt care enough to wear contacts and would go back to glasses, and he wouldnt dye his hair (i just really like his naturality okay i know i said i liked him at first for his colors but this is character growth! he is learning that he doesnt need to be intimidating to get friends!!!) his hair would be a little longer than canon but not by much. i just have this au where he works in an office and there he meets kamukura (who, personality wise is just hinata but depressed) and they become bffs dont at me, and this is how he looks in that au, wearing a button down without the tie and the sleeves rolled up. i do think hed wear obnoxious colors in his free time tho <3

maybe i should get into ships a little? mostly i shipped him with tanaka because i love me some rivals to lovers that isnt angst filled and is mostly just petty. theys either be salty towards each other or tanaka would be very intense in his friendship and souda would be tsundere-ish, not the obnoxious type tho. imagine how denji acts towards yoshida. (denji and souda are actually really alike. before i knew anything about csm my twt mutual told me id prob like denji cuz i like souda and.. well he was right)

but recently i dont really focus on shipping souda with anyone as much as i focus on his friendship with hinata (am i the only one who watched gg compilations and put their faces behind the silly conversations? like i imagine their sprites laughing while the video plays. is that weird? them and also saihara&momota. cuz theyre the same relationship!!! tactful mc and their friendly dumb bro! they!!!). also if u recall i made that drawing of souda with a bunch of ships so its not like loyal lol.

also why are souda and tanaka together constantly in the anime... i think its the end song where theres a slide show of all the characters in class in places like a picnic and the beach and stuff and the two of them are almost together. theyre at the very least friends. that dynamic where they both look intimidating but theyre both so fucking stupid. frienemies. <333 they are so <333 theyd be friedns at least!!! thank you for the anime for realizing that.

i also like to imagine that he and tsumiki would be friends <3 they were both bullied, they both cry a lot and arent really taken seriosuly, at least when it comes to their emotions. i think theyd hug and cry together and be friends :) also as couple they could be very cute.

i dont really know what more to say... i think this is it! i dont know what about kazuichi souda makes me love him so much. he is flawed but not to the point of being unlikable. he is unique but can easily be related to! i care about him so much... the amount of aus i come up and put him in... i dont post so much about him, but know he is my love. ofc i dont have romantic feelings for him some ppl just thirst over their favs i wanna preface that aint the case. not cuz of his age (im close to him in age) but cuz i just... dont feel and romantic or thristy feelings towards anyone so istg if anyone says something stupid to me about that.

thats all! i think this is the longest post ive ever made? when i got this ask last night i thought id write about all those characters i mentioned at the start but then when i went to bed i thought about my answer and realized i have a lot to say lol.

to the one person who actually read until the end, if u even exist (who knows myabe this was for nothing, i still had fun), you're insane. and i hope u have a great rest of ur day. if u didnt know who souda was before this... well u certainly do now (also why did u read this?) sometimes i just gotta rant about something i adore haha. its been a while since i went all out cuz me and my irl dont watch the same shows. i hope i made whoever read this love souda! at least a little!

this post is 5787 words long... im not rereading this

[valkyrie-of-the-rising-sun]

haiii hope you dont mind me coming in here to talk about my favorite desolation sisters again,, i am thinking thoughts about them and they desire to escape. help

mostly thinking about the falling out that they have when sara finds out iseult joined the foxes.... like? it'd be jarring to them to find out that their own sister is seemingly working against them. they feel like everything they're doing was being undermined. like shes on the same team that has a bounty on them. they're a lot less than impressed at least...

....until they find out why she did it. then the rage turns onto themself,,, they were just inconveniencing her again by letting her worry about them that much. they were just a burden to her. again. one of the only people they value more than their own life. do you get me?? the way the blame shifts. so fast. and how iseult likely knew that it would end up like this if sara ever found out? and still did it because she just cares that much about her little sibling?? hello????? girl why are you such a caring sweetheart my god i love her. she's been in my mind rent free pls tell her to pay rent i am starving. she doesnt have to though. live laugh love iseult i am her biggest fan ever

askjhsadh im very normal about those two. (<- liar)

Omg hi??? You have no idea how happy this ask made me asjhsdkjhsdkjhsd

...ahem, anyway! Onto the question at hand!

(This got a lot longer than expected lmao so Imma just put everything down in a readmore)

It's kinda funny, because Iseult is not the first of my OCs to have this fierce loyalty streak. In fact, most if not all of them have this trait, though currently the top (or perhaps the worst?) contenders are tied between Iseult and Hauyne (who joined Bladestar as a mole and saboteur for similar reasons). They've all got this mentality of "As long as you're alive and safe, you can hate me all you want".

Of course, this raises a bunch of other consequences (in this case, Sara's crippling guilt because of how they felt Iseult's loyalty and devotion towards them is completely undeserved), but like they all say: "love is blind". And in this case, Iseult's love has blinded her towards the inner demons her beloved sibling is forced to grapple with her entire life.

She doesn't understand why Sara keeps pushing her away (at least, from her perspective), telling her that they don't need her protection and worry about herself more when they are clearly beset by enemies and threats that are as (if not even more) powerful as they are from all directions.

She doesn't understand that Sara feels the constant, insatiable and almost certainly irrational need to prove their worth, to not feel like a burden to their friends, to silence the voices whispering dark thoughts in her head. And her protection is only making the inner conflict worse, whether she realises it or not.

She doesn't see (or maybe even care) how her actions may appear to Sara and their friends/allies. She knows its morally dubious, there's no doubt about that, but then again... she's done a lot of questionable things in the past to survive. For her and her sibling's sake. So what's one more to her growing list of sins? At the very least, by metaphorically dirtying her hands, she can keep Sara's clean. And that's all that matters to her.

In the end... all she sees is her beloved baby sibling is in danger through mostly no fault of their own, and she - as the older sister - needs to protect and keep them safe. They're the only family she's got left, after all, and there is nothing in the world which is more precious than family. But in doing so, she inadvertently neglects the only family she has left.

Which is perhaps the most tragic and ironic part about it all.

[dairy-farmer]

No because “sweet is the lullaby over your nest” was my personal favorite because of how gut wrenching it was. It was beautiful and the reactions to the reveal in the last chapter was my absolute favorite of how Bruce is torn between the father and Batman

I don’t think Tim will ever be able to get beyond chilly civility with Jason and probably would never let him near his baby

Jason being the thing he hates and I wanted his blood and complete devastation throughout the entire fic. I don’t think the family will ever be able to fully forgive him

Dick trying to be a better brother and he has doubts but never wanting to acknowledge them trying to believe in the best of his brothers then when the truth comes out tries to protect Tim picking a side.

But my favorite was Barbara because she was to closest to the truth the outsider looking in and seeing Tim’s perspective not caring that Bruce is trying to be blind to the worst but correct conclusion. The fact that she also point of Jason’s hypocrisy over his actions against Tim was refreshing seeing how everyone else tries to brush it off as the past. She was the one who warned Bruce against his actions

The ending the cliff hanger of what would be the family’s reaction be how they would be able to move on from this revaluation Bruce falling apart was perfection

Favorite piquancy fic

thank you!!!! wow!! thank you so much i'm so happy you liked it!!!! it means a lot to hear your kind words 🥰🥰🥰

and yeah you're right, in terms of how it plays out in the future it's a very very very slim chance of tim and jason ever getting to a point where they can be somewhat civil. i think the only thing that would push tim to treat jason with some amiability is once danny grows up and starts asking questions. even then tim will not tell danny that jason is his father and if he ever asks he'll just say something like 'dad is out of the picture but it's okay because momma loves you more than there are stars in the sky'. jason is completely out of the picture. he doesnt come to danny's soccer games, to his first day of school, his graduation, him going off to college. he gets none of that out of a mix of tim not wanting him there and jason not wanting to disrespect tim's wishes because he's the bad guy here, he's not owed anything much less from tim.

tim is willing to compromise for the job. he'll work with jason if he has to but not when it comes to danny which he absolutely draws the line. jason is dead to him on that end and the family quickly learns that if they're not okay with that, then they'll be dead to tim too. it's a tense situation, a very walking on eggshells thing. everyone know that if its going to work they're going to have to deal with all the ugly parts. jason's guilt and feeling of injustice would definitely hit him hard because it's not just him learning about what he did while under the influence of the pit, it's seeing the results. the disgust and sickness he feels is indescribable and it makes him want to cry and it makes him want to throw up.

he's not that person he isn't, and he tells himself that everyday for weeks afterward because he's in a haze and in denial and telling himself that even at his lowest, at his angriest- he'd have never done that. but the truth is that he did (the evidence is right there). it was with the influence of the pit but he still did it. something inside him had the potential to do that and he acted on it and he's never wanted to rip his skin off more, he's never wished that he'd stayed dead more. he hates himself because he's trying to rationalize it, justify it just like those pigs who have one too many drinks at the bar and then go home and touch their daughters. 'oh it was the pit! i'm not me when i have too much devil juice in me!'

jason despises himself, he can't look at himself because it was still him. maybe a bit twisted and carved up but it was his hands, his face, his mind. it was him. all him. he did it.

i didn't delve into it much but the amount grief, the hatred, the realization it definitely send jason into a spiral which makes him feel worse because what if he does it to someone else someone innoce-(tim was innocent tim was innocent how could he have ever thought he wasn't?). given his tenuous connection to the family, the only person i can imagine him reaching out to for support to is roy. telling him what he learned, what he did. roy has a lot of experience with the feelings that jason must be feeling and i think he'd help him a lot coming to terms with the guilt, accepting what he did, and knowing that he could spend the rest of his life trying to make up for what he did and even then neither he or tim may ever forgive him. he has to play it by ear, because up until that point tim had told no one about danny (had he though jason would hurt the kid if he knew? and the thought just sends jason down a whole other path of self flagellation).

i don't think jason ever forgives himself. i think tim learns to live, learns to accept what happened and try to move past it with his baby- he regresses, has bad days where it feels fresh but most days he has are happy. but jason never forgives himself for not remembering, for not being able to ever truly know what he did (because he won't ask tim, he will not put him in that position).

bruce i think is similar to jason in which he never truly forgives himself for not seeing, for failing tim, for failing jason. it all comes back to him that if he'd found jason sooner, if he'd just been better then tim wouldn't have gotten hurt and jason wouldn't have to live with the knowledge that he did what he did.

dick also has a hard time processing but ultimatly decide to lend as much support as he can to tim. that's who he is worried about more. (it's a bit cruel, tragic even that jason is suffering so horribly but isn't determined to be someone who deserves support or aid but like i said this is a really bad situation for everyone). a commenter on the fic had said they hope that dick ends up as a sort of fill-in dad for danny and i think this is how it would play out somewhat. dick is there when tim can't be, dick tries to put in the effort and earn back the trust he knows he's lost after all that happened.

barbara is definitely someone who deserves a lot of credit. i think if she'd been present after titan's tower she would've picked up on something. bruce and dick were chasing after jason but she'd always been an in-the-moment thinker and i think she would've seen something in tim that got her concerned. when she learns about what happened i think she'd be sad, because it's a horrible situation and as much as she'd expressed some annoyance with jason for his comments in the cave she'd feel bad for him. because she knows he's not a horrible person but he still did this horrible thing (not in his right mind and that's a slipper slope to be on, justifying vs taking accountability. blaming vs being blameless. at fault vs innocent). it's a massive gray area of justice and since they all work in pursuit of justice it would definitely be difficult. she feels for jason and for tim and all she can do is try to to be there and help pick up the pieces.

danny i think figures it out years down the line when he's much much much older. from there i think he makes the decision of wanting to reach out and see who jason is or to stay and remain content with the mother who cared for and loved him despite how he was conceived. how that turns out though wel...ill leave it up for interpretation.

thank you so much for your kind words!!!! it means a lot to hear that this was your favorite fic !!! 🥰🥰🥰

[dateamonster]

9, 10

worst part of canon + worst part of fanon

since u didnt specify a subject im gonna talk abt *spins wheel* monster high. why not. its been on my mind.

so wrt g3, i keep waiting to acclimate to the new "monsters hate witches" underlying plot thread and it just keeps. not making sense to me. the worst part of being an autistic media over-analyzer but about a literal childrens show designed to sell toys is there will be one narrative element that feels like narratively illogical and theres no way to point that out without sounding like a crazy person that thinks way too much about stuff that doesnt matter at all. which i am but still!

dont know if this even counts but worst part of fanon is just people acting like mh has totally solved its body diversity problem lol. i feel like its somehow gotten worse now that theyve actually introduced characters with slightly varying body types. fandom rn feels like a mix of people jumping through hoops to say they hate fat people without outright saying it next to people who look at the new designs like wow we did it we solved fatphobia as if there isnt still a huge problem, for example, with how abbey is styled vs iris.

and i dont hate how g3 iris looks or anything, but her design feels like a pretty clear indicator that they dont intend to ever make another doll of her. one of the biggest under-addressed and ongoing issues with doll collecting is how companies pretend to be interested in body diversity by making plus size side characters who will never be allowed the glamour or the care afforded to her skinnier counterparts. which is an unfortunate mirror to the fashion industry in general. i just want cute capital-f Fat characters who are allowed to dress up and have their own storylines and shit!

--

🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥

[chiro-asuta-vulpes]

Le robot violet💜🔪 et sa proie❄️

(I got bored sooo i did a lil small RP between Winter and Viola- its not much sooo i tried and yes this is part of they're story if anyone wants to have an add up. I dont mind at all feel free to tag along)

It was late at night Winter was alone by himself, he was at Parts and Services looking searching for Snowy's Core

when all of the Sudden-...

Viola was having this weird pose as she was hanging on the ceiling wall like a spider

Viola: "Well, well, well. Look what we have here."

Winter shivers as the boy trembles he gazes at the tall Purple Bot staring down at him.

Viola quickly lands down Infront of Winter, then punches him on the face sending his eyeglasses off, lastly pinned the Winter down grabbing him by the neck.

Viola: "I've been waiting for this goddamn moment FOR MONTHSSSS to finally KILLL YOUUU, I don't care if you're a child, or adult- WHATEVER! hehehe. I will savor this victory with one swoop. OH dont worry Monsieur Frost...You will die quickly anyways-...hehehe"

Viola tightens her hand while grabbing Winter by the neck. Winter struggles trying to break free. However, Viola keeps tightening her grasps onto the boy's neck. While her other hand takes out her iconic knife from her sleeves.

Winter begun to choke and cough as he struggles more trying his very best to break free and secretly reaching on to something.

Viola smirked as she noticed Winter reaching out to something, She immediately grabbed the boy's hair pulling him close to her face as she looks at him closer

Viola: "Awwww whats the matter? Is Monsieur Frost, doesnt want to play? hehehe, I will stab you to death if i have to orrrrr----torture you first it would be impeccable and exciting to see your blood spill and listening to your screams. And no one is there to save you.-"

Winter looks at Viola as he weakly breaths, he can still feel Viola's other hand on his neck he can feel Viola's sharp nails/claws piercing his neck slowly while she chokes him

Winter: "Hnngghh- you won't get away with this Viola!"

Viola smacks Winter's forehead by the endcap of her knife, leaving the boy with a wound Viola: "IF YOU WERENT THAT STUBBORN AND REBELLIOUS ON SURRENDING SNOWY AND IVY TO ME I WOULD HAVE SPARE YOUR WEAK PITIFUL LIFE!"

Viola's eyes begun to glow into deep dark purple

Viola: "How does it feel, Winter- to Die in the grasps of your worst enemy and nightmare?!" Winter trembles and just gazes at the angered unstable Viola Winter: "If thats what you desire go on ahead!"

Deep inside Winter is crying but bravely accepting his fate or does he? or he have a backup plan ready?

Viola: I shall fulfill my master's plans, and your one of it! I WILL FINISH YOU OFF! AND BRING YOUR HEAD AS MY TROPHY!" (TO BE CONTINUED?)

[asexualbookbird]

okay I've chewed on it a bit! So here's a messy Not Review of An Unspoken Name!

I did not hate it! the end no okay some things i didnt like

-it felt disjointed

i was most jarred by the beginning of part two, when we meet new people and it takes a bit for anyone we know to how up. like i just started caring about Csorwe and Sethannai, and now? it's over? we get new people????

-related: the timeline felt Off

or maybe the pacing? I was thinking about it and one of my complaints about A Memory Called Empire was the timeline was pretty short! Manit gets a new job, has the worst week of her life, and goes home. Wild. Here it's more spread out and supposedly that should work better for me since I generally complain about short timelines but i dont know! Something felt off to me! Most notable was the first torture scene. I'm not going to sit here and say give me 50 pages of in depth torture because I'm not about that, but afterwards Csorwe mentioned injuries and im like where'd they come from?? from the general?? and yeah i figured it out but maybe a bit more detail on the torture?

also in that scene, beforehand shes in the tunnels and the next shes in the generals room and it felt like it was immediately after but i guess some time passed? maybe transitions is what im complaining about here.

-sethannai what are you doing lol

no seriously what. is his goal. the box, yeah, but is it really? maybe it's explored more in the second book but his reasons felt flat to me! i dont hate him as a character (deffo hate him as a person lololol) but id have liked to see more of him? he felt like a background character tbh

i didnt like this but also didnt not like it but

-Plot™️

okay. look. I know and understand and even enjoy that different plot structures exist. I recognise that the plot structure i am most familiar with and have come to expect from novels is a very euro centric structure and that there are more ways to tell a story. i really think this is a synopsis problem and a me problem rather than a book problem. I went in expecting a story About Csorwe, but I don't think she's the main character here! Shuthmili is the main character! And it's wild because we don't meet her until part two! And again, different plot structures different ways to tell stories i get it, and I think had I known that going it my feelings would be different (so a Me problem). The synopsis talks about Csorwe and Sethannai, so I expected it to be All About Them. Twas not.

Things I liked!!

-THE WORLD(S)

i find it so fascinating that this is basically scifi space travel but make it fantasy. I love the different worlds i love that it doesnt feel like scifi with aliens and space and starships. (nothing wrong with that obvi but it's not my preferred reading tbh!) i thought that was done very well and wonder if there are any other books that do that because i want it explored more (which is the only reason im considering book two).

-M A G I C

WHAT A SYSTEM!!!!!!!! Again, interested in Shuthmili and her god(s), in the....Quinqureat? listening to the aduio did me no favor (quincury). I want more of that. I want to know more about all this magic how its used how its cast how it hurts the user. And honestly put this in the Did Not Like section because gotdang give me more detailed fights please. Sword fights were pretty well done (though could have been more)(thats a me problem)(i could always use more sword fights)m but I felt the magic fights were lack luster. I want more of them. This system is so cool, and it was underused!

-The Main Three

Csorwe, Shuthmili, Tal. Awful disasters, I love them so. Tal grew on me, unfortunately. Csorwe needs a hug. Shuthmili needs to frolic. They were done well, they had good arcs (though i do think Shuthmili's mind was changed a little too fast. It takes more than a cute girl to undo a lifetime of brainwashing.)

other notes are I kind of wish there was more time in the manor, simply because the friend Csorwe met was really interesting and I wanted more of her than a line later that said oh yeah and she got all she wanted and lived happily ever after :) Oranna was a good antagonist, though again. Was there really a central antagonist? Different structures yeah I know.

Overall it was Fine! I didn't outright hate anything! I'm not mad I read it! The narrator was very pleasant, did wonderful voices (though I'm more neutral on Shuthmili's voice lol) Don't really care to read the sequel, but not opposed to it.

[james-fun-in-the-sunderland]

Erm general questions

Fave food

Fave activities and why

Cuddler?

Scars? From what?

Type?

Favorite people

Type of humor

hi hello my bestie im gonna answer these for vicky bc he was on my mind

Fave food

vicky LOVES a good steak (he likes it cooked medium rare in case anyone asks), his mom would always make steaks on special occasions and so not only did it taste SUPER good to him but he always associated it w good times :) he has never tried to grill up som steak himself bc he knows it wont taste as good so he goes to nicer restaurants on special occasions to get some steak!

Fave activities and why

I feel like i barely ever talk abt it but vicky LOVES to sing and play guitar! its like the second part of his whole thing, he also collects records and in general loves to collect good sound systems to listen to music! hes always loved music ever since he was a kid and looked up alot to like singers and bands and stuff bc he saw that as like ... peak lifestyle, exactly what he wanted to be and do when he grew up... he tried to break out and become some kind of singer songwriter but nothing ever went through and when his daughter was born he basically gave up that dream but he still sings and all of that bc it makes him happy :)

Cuddler?

YES.... INTENSELY. his boyfriend gets his cuddles in FULL FORCE !!! hes very touchy and will sort of passively cuddle his bf when theyre just like . doin nothin. just standing next to each other he'll have his arms around him n stuff (note this does NOT happen in public places bc vicky HATES pda but in their own home and in private moments he is INSUFFERABLE) hes also very cuddly with his daughter! he would OFTEN fall asleep w her on his chest when she was littler c: shes also a cuddler bc of this ofc

Scars? From what?

oh boy does he have scars, i have a whole section on his ref sheet for his scars

(i put it in here twice so that the post doesnt KILL dashboards w how long it is lmao)

i also have alot of like explainations for some of em, the burns on his arm are from when he went to dispose of some evidence for a boss and was a BIT fucked up (drunk) and so he didnt notice there was some lighter fluid that got on him until he already lit the fuckin match (hes a lil dumb <3)

the scar that goes across his stomach and on his arm was when he was doing a hit and thought the person was dead but they WERENT they were tricking him so when he didnt expect it they could slash the fuck outta him and get away (he still ended up killing them in the end but it was a GOOD try <3)

his facial scar, his most noticable one since the rest he tends to cover with clothes, was from when he got fucked up on alot of stuff and went for a drive during the WORST period of his life (he had SEVERE depression man he was NOT doing well) and he ended up hitting a pole at like 100 mph and of course didnt have a seatbelt (this was in like the 60s so .) so he flew out the window and MIRACULOUSLY was not hurt outside of alot of bruises and small cuts along with a shard of glass getting stuck in his face as he skidded scross the pavement like a skipping stone (which is what caused the huge scar) he doesnt like people to ask about it bc he finds that part of his life embarrassing (guy doesnt like having emotions :/)

HI EDITING BC I REALIZED I MISSED THI s his missing pinky got cut off as a punishment from a boss he had <3 not much more developed than that as of rn

Type?

i am GUESSING u mean type in like dating partners... in which case ... i havent really thought abt it! i suppose he likes people that are different from him! smaller, got more meat on their bones, more thinkers rather than impulse type people like he is, also hairy-er people. he doesnt grow body hair and i imagine the first time he kissed his bf (who has a beard) he was like AHHHH OK . I GET IT. I LOVE THIS

mostly i think he also really loves people he can do things for... like people he can care for... hes terminally someone to has to be doing things for people (as long as he agrees w the things bc otherwise he wont!) his bf makes sure to give him stuff to take care of w him (he has chronic pain in one of his legs and used to just rub some pain reliever on himself but now he and vicky have a whole routine in the morning w it :) )

Favorite people

his boyfriend abel and his daughter rosa! they are his EVERYTHING.. like literally if he lost them he would PLUMMET back into the depression he had when his mom died but EVEN WORSE bc he prides himself on taking good care of his daughter, if he worries about her its all he can think about, rn in universe shes being held hostage for him to do a job and hes WORRIED SICK like she is ALL he is thinking abt rn :(

Type of humor

oh he would definitely be called problematic . i wouldnt say he has an offensive sense of humor but its for sure darker than usual, growing up as a bully who took quite a bit of joy in suffering will do that to ya :/

[ciown]

Okay yknow whatever, what did I ACTUALLY do wrong besides getting pissed off and hurt ect. Because what it actually looks like to me, is needing an excuse because you two dont like my personality and cant respect that other people have feelings and opinions different to yours. Im p sure your friend just couldn’t handle me or make up his damn mind. For some reason you wont even let me have the peace that the universe is vast and just because one person kins them doesnt mean I have to see them as wholly them if its hurting me. Obviously I dont want people to hurt me because it means people do horrible things to me and spread harmful info about me. Hes deeply hurt is he well do you not think being called horrible names and treated like scum has had an impact on me. He needs to get his head out his arse, hes been horribly ableist and even attempts to make sure I cant engage in a community but complains I drove him out. He just refused to communicate normally.

dismissing the things you did as "getting hurt and pissed off" when it's been over 8 months of you stalking and harassing hubert and his friends - some of which has been vehement ableism, transphobia, and racism - is so incredibly fucked up that i can't even put into words how frustrated and angry that makes me

i don't like you personally. i have never made that a secret. i do not have to like the person who called my best friend a "muddy girl pretending to be [hubert]" and a "BPD [person's] worst nightmare" for not responding to you on time when he was asleep or busy as a grown man with his own responsibilities and life

you do not respect our feelings. if you did you wouldn't have been stalking and block evading us for literal months. you would not be messaging me right now. also what "opinions" are you even talking about? what part of any of this is opinions

he couldn't handle you. that is why he blocked you. i don't know how that is such a wild line of logic for you. you would spiral/breakdown in his DMs at his 1am and then would send 10 more messages essentially guilting him for not being able to respond while he's asleep or insulting him by calling him "a bit cruel" for not responding because, again, he was asleep

also what do you even mean by "make up his mind"? are you talking about that time he gave you a second chance in a completely different kin server only to blow up at him when he interacted and joked with another edelgard? that second chance? the one *you* fucked up? that one?

i have never said you can't see him as hubert. if i have, i literally don't care if you do now. it means nothing to me whether you see him as a hubert or not. it is literally the least important thing to me right now when you're harassing and abusing a real life person in this life. i think his feelings as a thinking and breathing human being is more important than things that happened life times ago, most of which being things You as edelgard were not apart of. you are not his edelgard canonmate. he is not yours. i do not care what you see him as, i want you to leave him and his friends alone

alright. what about the people you hurt? should hubert just suck it up when you repeatedly break his boundaries and send him and his boyfriend and his best friend and his other friends vitriol for weeks? should he not make true on the boundary he set when he TOLD YOU he would post the screenshots of you being abusive and toxic in his inbox if you didn't stop messaging us? what about the people YOU hurt? what about the people YOU are harassing? should they just let you? should we just allow you to call us horrible, racist, transphobic, and ableist things? should we allow you to continually tell us to kill ourselves and that you wish us or our pets to die? are we not allowed to call you vermin or a parasite for continually stalking us and sending us messages when you've said so much worse? where is the line drawn? when do WE get to be upset and frustrated and fed up with your behaviour and actions toward us? when do WE get to be hurt and upset? when do OUR feelings matter?

you are the one sending us "harmful info", aka toxicity/abuse. us speaking up about this so others are aware and are able to make a decision over whether to interact with you is out of concern for their safety. do you think what you're doing here is normal? do you think it's reasonable? do you think if this was happening to a group of people unrelated to us wholly, that they would be in the wrong to speak up about this stalker's behaviour?

you are the cause of this. you make constant and repeated decisions that put people in harm's way. you put in the effort to block evade and send 200+ asks in 3 days like it's nothing. when exactly should we be able to speak up about your behaviour? when do we get to tell others to be mindful of talking to you?

"Hes deeply hurt is he well do you not think being called horrible names and treated like scum has had an impact on me" do you not think being told to die has an impact on him? do you not think wishing his husband, his best friend, or his pet to die has any affect on him? do you not think making a mourning altar for him would affect him?

you need to stop projecting. you are the one who was unable to give him space to breath, let alone deal with his own mental health. he was exceedingly patient with you every time you vented, brokedown, and spiraled in DMs over the course of the 4 or 5 days you knew each other. you called him cruel and nightmare for being unable to support you every waking and sleeping hour when he has his own struggles to deal with, which you know about because he fucking told you during those days. instead of trying to be patient and understanding, you got pissed at him for exhibiting symptoms and struggles of his own disorders when he was nothing but kind and patient to you with your BPD/MH struggles. you started this off being ableist and uncaring and cruel

if you can't engage in the community, then that is your OWN fault for not understanding the literal basics of boundaries and respect. there is nothing lost in communication with blocking you and telling you to leave him alone SEVERAL TIMES. for MONTHS. MONTHS. EIGHT MONTHS. there is no loss in communication that you getting pissed at him for interacting with a double is unreasonable after everything you did. you left that group on your own. you did that yourself. he did not force you. he did not even ask you. he said it was fine before you felt entitled to him as a person enough to think he should never interact with another edelgard in front of you after all you did. he did not stop you from entering other kin spaces after he blocked you. there was MONTHS of him taking your abuse before he posted that callout. you are the one who made the active decision not to go elsewhere or find other kin spaces instead of spending all your energy harassing one man for the gall of being human and having feelings + boundaries. god forbid one man doesn't want to be around you. god forbid he has limits. god forbid he doesn't want to insulted and degraded for his mental health and his own disorders because they are an inconvenience to you. god forbid he doesn't want to be told to die or have his loved ones wished death upon. god forbid he has enough of your constant abuse after a last desperate effort to get you to leave him alone with that callout that he TOLD YOU HE WOULD DO if you messaged him or his friends again

what the fuck else is he supposed to do now, neva? what the fuck do you want from him? from us? was he not supposed to leave? is that not what you wanted? you made it clear you thought of him as subhuman. should he simply stay and have to read the horrible things you say to him forever? is that better for you? for You? since that's all that matters to you. how things affect you. only you and never anyone else. what else? what is there? what can he do? he will never win in your eyes. he will never be enough. you will continue to take and take and take and never think of other people beyond yourself

you only ever see how things affect you. you will only ever care about your own feelings rather than the mental health and safety of others. you will continue to harass and harm others and break their boundaries in desperation for someone to take your abuse so that You can feel better and feel safe and feel loved. you will never care that they feel unsafe around you, that their boundaries will never be respected by you, that they will feel like you only care about what they can do for you. do you genuinely believe that all the people you've hurt are in the wrong? do you genuinely not see the harm you've caused? you're doing this all over again, neva. we are not the first people you've done this to. i'm scared thinking this will never be the last