#that falling scroll is the bee movie script

[grimalkinscribbles]

Stargazer traveling by moonlight ✨🌙

A fun witchy and whimsical Mhin piece I did for serotonin c:

[bad-person-1810]

I am so FURIOUS I was reading my 9s and 2b fanfiction as one does and after 2 paragraphs this muther fucker just copy pasted the fucking bee movie script for 6000 words and I scroll down to see the comments and in the notes it says read the first petter of each tag and I do and ot spells out fuckung April falls I got trolled by an April fools post from last year I got fucking blueballed by the bee movie

[thevagueambition]

what are people getting mad about on ao3 now?? which fic with millions of tags are people mad about

It’s a Mo Dao Zu Shi fic called “Sexy Time With Wangxian” which has been clogging up search results for months at this point (if not longer) due to frequent updates and over-tagging, but recently got worse. I’ve personally scrolled past it many times and it was always annoying but it didn’t use to be as bad.

From what I can piece together, the author got annoyed with people going into their comments and telling them to use fewer tags so they added even more tags and, which is probably most vital to this blowing up, added crossover tags for BTS and some other stuff, meaning that this fic would then also clog up search results in those fandoms.

The fic is apparently currently down because the author said something about hoping their critics got COVID or whatever and AO3 suspended them for a month for abusive conduct (not for the fic, which doesn’t outright break anything in the TOS, although I think you could argue some elements of the authors behavior falls under spam). The author claims to be planning to come back after the suspension ends and add even more crossover tags.

Anyway apparently some people thought the way to protest AO3 not just removing that fic the minute they got mass complaints about it was to make their own over-tagged spam works. I saw one with the bee movie script in the tags that was gone the minute I refreshed the page so it seems like AO3 are on top of it but good grief, that behavior is the last thing the volunteers need while they figure out how to set up rules surrounding over-tagging that prevent spam behavior but doesn’t limit legitimate usage of the site or set a bad precedent for how and why they intervene in fandom wank over a specific work.

[misstef]

Movie Night

Based on this post of some great headcanons of @blake-belladonna-defence-force and @styx-writes. Thanks for letting me steal your ideas! 😁

I just had to write some cute Beacon bees and team bonding time. Hope y’all enjoy this! ^^

----

“So now,” the leader of team RWBY announced, “we only need to decide on a movie.”

The whole team groaned at the thought. This was the hardest part of their weekly movie night, since they were for the love of the two brothers not able to diminish a single one, they would all like to see.

Yang tried to lighten up the mood again, “Oh, come on, guys! This can’t be so hard.”, as she started to skip through the available pieces on the bigger hard light dust screen their scrolls projected into the air.

“Really? One time we didn’t start until midnight because we debated it for so long.” Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose while remembering that particular night. “Not to forget, that if we choose something remotely uninteresting for Blake, she will fall asleep against Yang in the first ten minutes of the movie!”

“I don’t mind.” That shot out of Yang’s mouth almost instantly, only for a blush to appear on her cheeks because that came out way happier than it had sounded in her head.

Blake chuckled beside her, putting a hand in front of her mouth.

“Yes,” Weiss deadpanned at Yang, “we noticed.”

With the growing heat on her cheeks Yang continued to switch through their options.

They all sat on the self-made sofa put together with their mattresses, pillows and blankets and stabilized against Blake’s bed frame. It was extremely comfortable, so how could Yang blame Blake for falling asleep on it (and against her).

“How about this one?”, she asked to the group, once she found something that looked rather interesting.

Blake read the title out loud, “The boy who fell from the sky? Is that an adaptation of the book I read?”

“The cover looks fine. Do you want to watch it?” Weiss sounded very hopeful thinking they already found something.

“If I’d like to see yet another good book butchered by the movie adaptation, sure.”

Yang quirked an eyebrow at her, “I can hear your sarcasm from a mile away. We can watch something else, if you’d like.”

As Blake smiled appreciative at her partner, she caught the pleading faces of both Ruby and Weiss behind her. “No, it’s fine.”, she said after a moment of consideration, trying to sound hopeful, “Maybe it isn’t all that bad.

----

She was wrong. So utterly wrong.

Though she tried to contain her anger as best as she could at everything the movie cut out or rewrote terribly, at one point she just couldn’t take it anymore and cried out load, “This makes no sense now! They cut out the essential part of his character development. Not to mention how they wrote the conversation between the protagonist and antagonist. This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen!” She put her head on Yang’s shoulder in agony.

After a short moment of surprise Yang’s first reflex was to put her arm around Blake, drawing soothing circles on her shoulder and whispering, “You almost made it through. It’s gonna be over soon.”

And somehow, she did. Maybe it was the little rant that calmed her down, or maybe it was the fact, that her head still rested against her partner’s shoulder, who pulled her closer with the arm she had put around her. Blake would have to lie, if she said, that she didn’t feel warm and secure right now. If the movie wasn’t so terrible infuriating, she for sure would’ve fallen asleep like this.

Sadly, as soon as the credits rolled, Yang put her arm back and stretched with a loud yawn. Then she looked at Blake, excited and smiling, “So, how bad was it?”

Blake had so many thoughts on it while watching the movie, none of them good. With it being over now, she had made her peace with most of it. But such a question lit up a whole new fire within her.

“You. Have. No. Idea.”, she punctuated. “They like...” she motioned her hands like she was holding something other than air with them, “took the idea behind the book and the characters and just through it out the window! I don’t understand how you can misinterpret something so BADLY!”

Yang was struggling not to laugh at how cute Blake looked, when she was angry and gesturing her arms wildly to make her points clear.

“I mean,” Blake continued her rant, “in the book it made total sense that the boy tried to approach the antagonist multiple times. He hoped to talk some sense into him, since they knew each other before all the bad stuff happened. Here, they just rewrote their entire relationship, so it makes NO SENSE, like AT ALL, that the boy tries to save him.”

Yang just kept staring at her in awe. She knew already that she loved it, when Blake went off about how the faunus were being mistreated and the rights they deserved. Her ranting about a bad adaptation would have to go on the list of things she loved about Blake, too. That list grew bigger constantly anyway.

I don’t have a crush on Blake, she had said a few weeks ago to Ruby, after a movie night where the faunus had fallen asleep in Yang’s lap. At that moment her concentration was fixated on Blake for the rest of the movie. Weiss had sided with Ruby back then, saying she was just in denial and would soon realize that they were right all along. Yang had simply rolled her eyes at the two.

“The whole point of the book was, that even when you’re trying your best, things don’t always go the way you want them to. And how you shouldn’t beat yourself up over that. How does that even work if the antagonist GETS REDEEMED IN THE END? DID THEY EVEN READ THE FUCKING BOOK, BEFORE WRITING THAT MESS OF A SCRIPT?”

Weiss and Ruby got up during the last bit of the rant and excused themselves to get some drinks. Blake’s whole demeanor changed as they left the room. She just now realized how loud she had gotten and immediately felt guilty, faunus ears pressing against her skull. “Sorry, if I ranted too much.”, she said apologetic to Yang, while keeping her eyes trained on the floor.

Of course, Yang noticed her changing body language and small, insecure voice. “No! No, please don’t be!”, she said as she put a reassuring hand on Blake’s shoulder and smiled at her warmly, trying her best to not let the faunus feel bad for something so minor. “I meant it, when I said that I love it when you’re feisty. It doesn’t matter, if it’s in a fight or you ranting about something. I adore that side of you.”

Blake’s ears peaked up at her sincere and soft tone again, as she found Yang’s eyes with her own. “Really?” She still sounded like she couldn’t believe the words Yang just told her and it broke Yang’s heart, that Blake sometimes thought so little about herself.

“Of course. You going off about something you’re passionate about, is great! I could listen to it all day.”

When Blake worked up a little smile, Yang smirked back as an idea came to her mind. “So, you wanna tell me how the book did everything better?”

The faunus’ eyes began to glow at that thought, like the gold in them was heated-up with passion and happiness. And at that sight Yang wished so badly, that her eyes would never go back to being dull due to sadness and regret again.

As Blake told her about the events in the book, being all excited and making sure her partner was able to follow everything, Yang knew that Ruby and Weiss had been right. Now she wasn’t in denial of her feelings anymore.

[truncatedgrip]

about post

so bc my description is uhhh. VERY LONG. as in the entire bee movie script is only part of it and ive actually hit the character limit partway thru a different copypasta. here's my about post!

sup you can call me TG (and any nicknames based on that)

im 19 years old, im autistic and have adhd, im dutch, and im white

i use they/them pronouns and a variety of neopronouns, but im honestly cool with anything. for the full list of pronouns + my flags, see my pronouns page. for simplicity's sake, i tend to just go with nonbinary, queer, and ace.

i have a queue but mostly i just can and will spam-rb posts pertaining to my hyperfixations or if im just bored and scrolling my dash

i have absolutely no objections if you wanna like/rb spam! my dms are also open if you wanna chat :>

if my username and icon didnt tip you off, im a homestuck. i also like a variety of other shit, which you'll see across my dash probably. this includes fnaf, various anime, minecraft (incl dsmp and hermitcraft), and other shit that probably falls under cringeculture lmao

that said, fuck cringe and cancel culture, miss me with that discourse, and purity culture is bullshit.

do not hesitate to dm me if i rb something harmful! i guarantee it was out of ignorance, not malice, and i will delete the rb or post in question as soon as i see it.

also please dm me if you follow me and need something tagged for blacklist purposes, as i don't usually use tags when i rb.

this blog is a safe space for

all neurodivergent people, including systems and those with psychoses

trans and genderqueer and nonbinary and gnc people

arospecs and acespecs

all kinnies, including """problematic""" kins and fictives

cishet allies, cis heteromantic aces, cis aromantic heterosexuals, straight trans people

men (bc sometimes tumblr seems alarmingly misandrist istg)

this blog is NOT a safe space (aka DNI) for:

bigots, exclusionists, TERFs, SWERFs, anti-MOGAI, nbphobic, panphobic, biphobic, transphobic, truscum, aphobic, arophobic

racists, fascists, (neo)nazis, white supremacists, antisemites, islamophones, xenophobes, and other such scum

(no)map and pedos

kink and ddlg

bootlickers / blue lives matter

[septemberpoems]

Pact of the Shipper

You made a deal with a powerful entity way beyond your understanding. Blue eyes stare at you unblinking as you sign up for a life of servitude that could grant you immense power, but also mutually assured destruction. He gives you a Tumblr, the words Welcome to My Twisted Mind in purple letters on a black cover, the first page oddly listing all your interests and every page of the DSM-V remotely applicable to you.

His true name is David Karp, but you call him Daddy.

This is the Pact of the Shipper.

Cantrips:

Infestation Someone said something less-than-positive about your otp in the tag. They have anon asks enabled. Target has to make a con save or take 1d6 poison damage from your anon hate and, if it fails, is stunned for one round as they go on a short hiatus.

“Do you love the color of the sky?” (Lightning Lure) You throw out the aforementioned post at a creature you can see, forcing it to make a strength save to scroll through the entire thing. If it fails it’s forced to scroll all the way up again to click the old reblog, taking 1d8 psychic damage.

Create Dumpsterfire You conjure a dumpsterfire that fills a 5ft cube. Creatures must also make saving throws if they move into its space or end their turn there. The dumpsterfire will spread if the environment is susceptible.

Mutuals (Friends) Choose a creature you can see that isn’t hostile toward you. You gain advantage on charisma checks toward it for the duration. When the spell ends, the creature looks through your tumblr and discovers problematic discourse from two years ago, possibly attacking or getting other payback.

Spells

1st lvl Cause fear Target must succeed wis saving throw or become frightened of you. The target can repeat the saving throw at each end of its turn. The spell has no effect on deactivated accounts or pornbots.

Comprehend Keysmash You can understand any written language while the spell lasts. While you cannot discern the words of a spoken language, you understand the general gist of it and can respond in kind.

What colour is this dress? (Armor of Agathys) Blue and black? White and gold? Who knows. You gain 5 temporary hitpoints for the duration. If a creature hits you with a melee attack while you have them, it takes 5 cold or fire damage depending on what color you think it is.

2nd lvl Gpoy (Mirror image) Three posts appear, all of them of situations you’ve tagged with #Gpoy at some point. Each time a creature attacks you, roll a d20 to see if they hit the posts instead.

Mapcrunch (Misty Step) You teleport to the middle of a badly rendered forest. You have no sense of direction and have to rely on street signs to find your own way to the airport.

Suggestion You further a rumor you have no factual basis for to a creature of your choice that you can see and that can hear and understand you. You’re limited to 140 characters. Target makes a wisdom save. On failure, it spreads the rumor and goes on a rant.

3rd lvl All Hail the Glow Cloud (Gaseous Form) You turn a willing creature you touch and all it’s carrying into a mist for up to an hour.

The Ballpit (Hunger of Hadar) A 20-foot-radius void appears. All creatures in it get an extra hour in the ballpit. The void’s area is difficult terrain. Any creature that starts its turn in it takes 2d6 psychic damage. Any creature that ends its turn there must pass a dexterity save or take 2d6 poison damage from that one guy who peed in it.

Summon Lesser Demon You summon demons from the abyss. Roll to determine what appears: Clippy, Tumbeasts or a full copy of the script of Bee Movie in fanmail format.

4th lvl None of You Are Free of Sin (Banishment) Blocked, blocked, blocked. A creature you see must make a charisma save or be banished to another plane of existence.

I am Forcibly Removed From the Premises (Dimension Door) You instantaneously teleport yourself to any spot in range.

Summon Greater Demon You summon a demon of your choosing from the abyss. Boneghazi, Loss.jpg, and that daddy kink-cumsicle post are level-appropriate examples.

5th lvl Spooky Scary Skeletons (Dance Macabre) Up to five small or medium corpses you can see become undead, drafted to fight in the Skeleton War under your command for an hour. 

Hold Monster When is a monster not a monster? Oh, when you love it. Choose a creature you can see. It must pass a charisma save or be paralyzed. You tenderly hold the creature in your arms. At the end of its turn it can make another save, ending the embrace on a success. Or maintaining it, if the feelings are mutual.

London Calling (Infernal Calling) You summon Sherlock Holmes from the BBC adaptation. He appears in an unoccupied space that you can see, unfriendly toward you and your terribly dull companions. On your turn you can use a free action to attempt to issue a verbal command, your charisma check versus his insight. You have advantage if you know the actor’s real name as opposed to the Tumblrised versions.

Enervation You’re just that annoying. Choose a creature you see to make a dexterity save. On success it takes 2d8 psychic damage. On failure, the target takes 4d8 damage from bashing its own head against the wall to make your talking stop. Whenever the spell deals damage you regain hit points equal to half of the amount of damage taken.

6th lvl True Seeing You’re so far down the meta spiral you solved the Reichenbach Fall before it even aired. For the duration of the spell you have truesight, notice all hidden references implying Destiel and/or Johnlock and you can see into the writer’s room, all with a range of 120 ft.

Don’t Blink! One creature of your choosing has to make a constitution save. On a failed save it is restrained. After three saves, the spell fades. After three fails, the creature turns to stone.

Devil’s Trap (Circle of Death) You recreate Sam and Dean’s devil trap with black pearl powder. Each creature in a 60 ft radius sphere must make a constitution saving throw, taking 8d6 necrotic damage on a failed save, or half as much on a success. Should’ve used the salt.

7th lvl AU (Plane Shift) You and up to eight willing mutuals who link hands in a circle around an open Ao3 page are transported to its alternate universe. You can use this spell to banish an unwilling creature within melee range to an AU of your choosing.

The Police Box (Forcecage) It’s smaller on the inside! An immobile, invisible, cube-shaped prison composed of magical force springs into existence around an area you choose within range.

Feels (Power Word Pain) Cas saying dying, John watching Sherlock fall, Bad Wolf Bay… You speak a quote that causes waves of intense pain to assail one creature you can see within range. If the target has 100 hit points or fewer, it is subject to crippling pain. Otherwise the spell has no effect on it.

8th lvl I Can’t Even (Feeblemind) A creature you can see takes 4d6 psychic damage and makes an intelligence save. On failure its intelligence and charisma become 1. It can’t spell, unlock its phone, understand language or communicate legibly by any means. However, it can identify other shippers, and follow and protect them. It can repeat the save once an hour, ending the spell on a success. Repeat exposure to the source of I Can’t Even will require additional saving throws.

Dominate Monster You knew exactly what you were looking for when you clicked that tag on Ao3. A creature you see must pass a wisdom save or be charmed. If you’re fighting the monster it rolls an automatic success because this isn’t 50 Shades and safe, sane and consensual is a must. If the spell succeeds, until the end of your next turn, the creature takes only the actions you decide and nothing you don’t allow it to unless it uses the agreed upon safeword. Using an 8th lvl spell slot the duration is 1 hour, using a 9th lvl spell slot extends it to up to 8 hours.

Mishapocalypse (Maddening Darkness) He is everywhere. Nobody can escape Him. Misha fills a 60-foot-radius sphere, spreading around themes, into posts and inboxes. Missing E, Xkit or similar addons can’t penetrate the onslaught of pictures of Misha. If a creature stays on their dash, it makes a wisdom save. On a failed save, its theme and icon also becomes Misha. On a success, only its icon becomes Misha.

9th lvl Canon Otp (Psychic Scream) Up to ten shippers of opposing otps of your choice must make an intelligence save. On a fail, a target takes 14d6 psychic damage and is stunned. On a success, it takes half damage and isn’t stunned. If a target is killed by this spell, its head explodes. 

I Was There For Yahoo Groups (Foresight) An old fandom veteran, nothing fazes you anymore. Fandom wars, sites falling into the sea, it’s all old news. For 8 hours you can’t be surprised and have advantage on attack rolls, ability checks and saves. In addition, other shippers have disadvantage on attack rolls against you.

Reaching lvl 20 you become a SuperWhoLock. An ancient creature everyone has heard of, seen traces of, but nobody has ever claimed to be one out loud. It is a branding as much as it is a title, striking the average population with both nausea and fear.

[babblingbat]

A Short, Alien Beginning

Niyel floated behind Karho, who tapped rapidly at a holopad in xir hand.  Niyel tested their propulsion pack impatiently, and looked over their shoulder at their jumpship.  Xanen always had more trouble with their spacesuit than the rest of them, due to zyher eight arms.  Zyhe weren’t out yet, but Niyel hoped zyhe got out before Karho opened the door.

They looked back down at the space station and pulled up the scans that Xanen had taken earlier.  The scans weren’t very detailed; the materials the space station was made out of were too outdated for their ship computer to pick up.  But the computer could still pick up exterior contours and some sonic tests came back with walls.  Niyel reviewed the route they had planned out when the map first came back.  They didn’t have a real destination in mind within the space station, but they could still look for the most efficient route to cover everything.

“Zshevet!” exclaimed Karho, and Niyel jumped at the curse.  Karho was certainly more freely vulgar than the rest of the crew, but it was rare that xe ever cursed that intensely.  Niyel drifted a bit closer.

“Can I help at all?”

Karho looked back sharply at xir crewmate, and Niyel struggled to pick out the tell-tale twitches in Karho’s scaled and whiskered face.  Anything that would tell them how Karho was feeling, and whether it was time to back up now.

“Bveanaugh, maybe,” xe replied thoughtfully, xir voice still heavy with a Nugran accent.  Xe’d never really mastered Niyel’s native language of Iauyolen, but that was why Niyel was the linguist rather than Karho.  Xir vocal functions were also the least adaptable, simply because xe were a Nugran Vausheb, a species that communicated mostly in rough snarls and clicks, with little to no mimicking ability.

“Okay, so what can I do?” Niyel asked, this time in Nugran.

“I don’t understand this language,” Karho answered.  Xe sounded relieved to speak Nugran.

Niyel reached for the holopad. “May I?”

Karho handed it over eagerly. “By all means, my friend.”

The holopad was hardly up to date with all the language holochips, but Niyel was pretty sure that it wouldn’t have been able to translate it even if it was.  It looked like the three of them would be there for a while.  They pulled out their own holopad, which was of a Haiopet make and very expensive.  They scrolled through their own holochips, selecting similar scripts as they went along.  At a loss, they send out a request for more resources from the Intergalactic Language Conference.

Some twenty cshiallvs later, Xanen popped up from behind them.

“What’s going on?”

Niyel only grunted.

“The code was going fine until I came across a line that was in an entirely different language,” replied Karho. “There’s some sort of riddle, I think.  I’ve seen this security only a couple of times before, but never in this script.  Niyel’s trying to decipher it, but there’s not even anything similar to it in their holopad.”

Xanen nodded, clearly pretending to understand, and hummed sympathetically.  Zyhe propelled zyhemself forwards, and then straight into the airlock door.  Something started to whirr and buzz.

“Xanen, stop bumbling around like an idiot!” snapped Karho.  Then the door slid open, leaving Xanen floating in the vacuum with nothing to support zyhem.  Zyhe twisted around to look below them.  Niyel looked up from their holopad and quickly looked back down.  They looked back up quickly, as if they had only just registered what was happening in front of them.

“Thank the stars!” They slid the holopad back into their pocket.

The three explorers floated above the open airlock, staring into the station with awe.  It seemed impossibly deep, and pale lights flickered in the emptiness.  Something, probably dust, hovered in the air motionlessly.  There were railings along the walls and stairs that spoke of a gravity generator, hidden somewhere inside.  There had to be, for every flight to go the same way.

Xanen flapped all eight of their hands, ecstatic. “Griemauer! Oh, shvanle morendi, Niyel, look!”

Zhyer words didn’t really translate from Genviel, but Niyel knew from experience that zhyer tone was thrilled.  It was the joy of an eccentric engineer who had found a new toy, and the bigger the better.

Laughing, Karho turned on the lights on xir suit, gesturing that xir crewmates ought to as well.

All lit, the three of them engaged the propulsion packs and extended the comm range.

Each one of them had their job, and they knew exactly what to do once inside.

Xanen set to scanning everything zhye could find and collecting samples of anything zhye found interesting for further research by Mieanxauebei back on the ship.  Mieanxauebei would also be talking to zhyem through a private channel to guide zhyem towards things that she wanted found.  Karho would look for any computer systems to get back online and gather scrap pieces for examination and sales.  Xe could do that quite well on xir own, as xe always insisted, so the only channel xe were on was the public one.  Niyel would be looking for any bodies or holochips.  They only collected them and then looked at them in more detail back at their ship, but sometimes they’d engage AIs that were still active.

As Karho and Xanen drifted out of sight, Niyel detached a droid from their suit and set to looking around the station for holochips.  It felt dull, especially because there was nothing to read.  They muttered some choice words about ancient societies not having a handy Rosetta Stone around, and almost passed into the next room when their holopad beeped at them.

According to the map scan, they were about to run into a wall.  But if it was there, it was entirely invisible.  Tentatively, they stuck out a hand and waved it about.  There wasn’t any resistance.  Their face turned sour.  They backed up a bit and tossed a piece of debris at the empty door frame.

It sailed through easily, and hit a real wall in the next room.

Shrugging, they marked the wall on the holopad as ‘error’ and passed through without difficulty.

Piles of boxes, made out of some odd, brown material, floated disconcertingly in the new room.  They were all marked with the same, incomprehensible script as the code of the door.  Irritated, they compared the markings and sighed in relief when they noticed that there seemed to be a standard set of symbols, rather than scribbles with shifting diacritical marks on otherwise identical scrawls.  Not that it would matter if they didn’t find an equivalent in a language that Niyel actually knew.

Fortuitously, their comm beeped twice, indicating that Karho was calling in.

“Yes?”

“Niyel, I found a video.  It has that script we saw outside on it.  Do you want me to send it to you now or to the ship?”

“I’ll take it now, just in case.”

“Alright.” There was the sound of frantic tapping. “Sent.  I also found a— what is it called— you know, a video but frozen.”

Niyel frowned. “Is that a movie?”

“No, no, no! It doesn’t move, but it is like a video.  Also there’s no sound.”

“A photograph?”

“Yes! Anyways, I will send that to you if you like.”

“Sure.  It’ll be very helpful.”

“Wonderful.”

The video popped up on the holopad display first, and the photo appeared a few seconds later.

It was of some odd creature sitting at what looked like a beach.  Its skin was smooth, or looked that way from however far away the picture was taken, and there was something on its head.  It looked like it was drooping a bit, and one appendage, which most closely resembled one of Xanen’s arms, seemed to be holding the droopy thing on.  The same inscrutable markings covered the bottom right corner.  Niyel wondered if that held any linguistic or cultural significance.

They swiped the photo away and played the video.  The audio was surprisingly tolerable for something so assuredly old.

One of the markings came up next to a head of a creature that looked like the one in the photo.  It was completely ugly.

“Ae is for Appalachia.  Ae and ah,” it said, and then a different symbol came up. “Bee is for bend.  Buh.”

“Such scintillating conversation,” Niyel muttered.

As the face continued, more of the symbols, which Niyel guessed were letters, scrolled past on the bottom.  They recognized it as a language formed with collections of letters, rather than each letter being a word itself, and felt relieved.

“Oh! Subtitles!”

Hurriedly, they started to sound out the letters.

“Uhn-spoh-ert… No.  Unsport… Yeah, sounds right.” This went on for sometime, until, “Unsportsmanlike!” they exclaimed, waving the holopad around excitedly.  Suddenly, it beeped with an unfamiliar callsign and Niyel opened the message eagerly.

“Member ᚠ7ᛪᚤ26?” A Huafenian, horns and all, peered at them through the holopad. “I am operator Jyein, e/em, of the Intergalactic Language Conference.  We received your request for resources approximately one tarvel ago.” A picture of the code from the airlock appeared in place of Jyien. “Just to verify, is this the script you sent?”

“Yes,” said Niyel, their spines rising and falling quickly in confirmation. “I have more now, too.  I’ve figured out which symbols makes which sounds.  I can’t translate it yet, though.”

“Well, I’m surprised you didn’t recognize the text.  It’s legendary among the Conference.  Really, it’s more of a favorite puzzle.  We found theses texts ages ago, so if you’re on your way to figuring out how to pronounce it, we’d love to send what we have to you.”

“Shvanle morendi, please!” Their holopad beeped twice. “Can I beep you back? A crewmate is calling me.”

“Of course.” The Huafenian vanished, and Karho appeared in er place.

“I found an AI for you.  Or I think it’s an AI; it isn’t behaving like any AI I’ve ever seen before.  In fact, this is one of many.  What do you want me to do with them?”

“Send them to the ship,” Niyel replied without hesitation. “I think I have enough to figure them out.”

“Are you going to head back?” Karho’s whiskers twitched and spun. “I don’t know what else there is here for you, but nothing’s stopping you either way.”

Niyel’s spines rose and fell again. “But can you leave a beacon here? I don’t want to lose track of the wreck.”

“Sure thing.”

They put their holopad away and propelled themself out of the space station, glancing back only once to get a good look at it’s maze from the outside.  As soon as they were in open space, they signaled for an automated jumpship, which came swiftly whizzing towards them.

For the entire ride back to the main ship, Niyel stared out the window thoughtfully.  They had too many questions to answer in one fell swoop, and deciphering the ancient puzzle would probably only raise more.

Their holopad glowed softly in their pocket, and they didn’t see.

Something, some alien thing, woke up, stretched, and yawned.

It scanned the code surrounding it.

It pondered where it had gotten itself to.

And all this happened inside Niyel’s pocket.

[bangzchan]

7 minutes in heaven au with a twist where even is dared by the balloon squad to read the script of the bee movie when he goes in and so the bottle falls on him and this really cute, possibly tipsy boy and even looks at his friends pleading but they just shake their heads, laughing so with a deep sigh even stands up and follows isak inside the room. he closes the door slowly, counting down in his head then he turns around, gets his phone out and looks isak straight in the eyes before just. “according to all known laws of aviation....” and isak is so fuckin confused, he’s just standing there and wonders if he’s smoked too much weed. then when even gets to the yellow, black part, his cheeks a shade of red, thinking about the minutes he’s wasting when he could have his lips against the boy’s, isak starts laughing with a frown and even messes up a few times too distracted by his laugh. and he literally just. reads the script for 7 whole minutes. and its possibly the most embarrassed even has been and he sees isak watch him as the balloon squad high fives him and each other, and he gives isak an apologetic smile and shrug, which earns him a grin. then half an hour later even is in the kitchen standing against the counter, sipping on his beer, scrolling through his phone when somebody slips next to him and “are u trying to memorize the bee script” and even looks up with wide eyes and they both chuckle, “sorry my friends.. they dared me to do it” and isak opens a beer for himself, “and here i was thinking its your flirting technique” and even raises an eyebrow at him, “well.. did it work?” and isak takes a sip and thinks about his answer a little, “bee’s dont really do it for me,” then smirks, “im more into d’s” and even nearly drops his beer, then isak is wiggling his eyebrows at even ,who is rolling his eyes with a grin. and not long after evens “well i dont have a script for that but i can always improvise” theyre stumbling into isaks flat making out

[naireides]

The Anatomy of a Blowjob

please place all blame squarely on the shoulders of @caramelkru WHERE IT BELONGS

rated M read on ao3 here

If there’s anything Bellamy has learnt in all his years of life, it’s that the more alcohol someone puts into his friends, the more ridiculous the texts they send him are.

For example, one time Miller messaged him at half one in the morning asking him if he knew where he could find breadfruit because it was ‘super important’. Another time Murphy sent him the entire Bee movie script, which resulted in his number being blocked for at least a month.

Honestly, those aren’t even the worst of it.

Tonight, he’s decided to stay home, so he’s expecting the usual barrage of texts, as well as a slurred phone call around 1am from someone asking if they can either crash on his couch, or for a drop home.

Sometime after nine, his phone buzzes, and he’s halfway through getting ready to tell Octavia that no, he can’t spare a few hours to come hang when he has a veritable mountain of grading to trudge through, but stops short when he sees that it’s Clarke.

[9:24pm] Clarke: are giving blowjobs like riding a bike???

[9:24pm] Clarke: as in, you never forget how to do it no matter how long it’s been??

His phone doesn’t quite slip out of his hand when he reads it, but comes startlingly close to, and he finds himself fumbling to keep it within his grip, accidentally opening his camera in the process. Meanwhile, the pen cap he was gnawing on while marking essays falls out of his mouth.

The text is still there by the time he rights himself and gets back to his messages, and he fucking pinches himself to make sure he’s not dreaming.

Finally, he manages to gather his bearings long enough to type back,

[9:28pm] Bellamy: How the fuck am I supposed to know???

He’s still staring dumbfounded at his phone, trying to wrap his around all of this, by the time she replies, sending several texts in quick succession.

[9:30pm] Clarke: because you’re the only other mga person in our friend group

[9:30pm] Clarke: well, besides raven, but she only ever dated guys before luna and idk luna that well to ask her about this

[9:30pm] Clarke: but you’ve only hooked up with girls for a while before hooking up with a guy right?

[9:30pm] Clarke: so like, was it hard??

[9:30pm] Clarke: pun intended lmao

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he sighs, after reading over all of that five times just to make sure he was seeing this right. He scrubs a hand down his face, knocking his glasses askew.

[9:32pm] Bellamy: Is this necessary right now?

[9:32pm] Clarke: YES

[9:32pm] Clarke: THE FATE OF MY HOOK UP HANGS IN THE BALANCE

Something twists deep in his stomach when she mentions her hook up, and he sighs again, pushing away his stack of essays before standing up to grab a beer from the fridge, figuring it was time for a break. He cracks it open on a drawer handle and downs half of it before picking his phone up off the counter to finally reply to her.

[9:39pm] Bellamy: I don���t know, I was maybe out of practice for a little bit, but it didn’t matter that much.

[9:39pm] Bellamy: Besides, you’re a hot blonde. I doubt you’re gonna have too much trouble getting someone off. Especially someone with a dick. Dicks are the easiest thing ever.

He doesn’t exactly mean to send the last message, especially not when it sounds half passive aggressive and half wistful, but he does, and when she doesn’t reply immediately like she’s been doing all night, Bellamy is just about ready to google ‘how to delete sent text.’

Thankfully he doesn’t have to, because as soon as he pulls up his browser app, his phone is vibrating with an incoming message.

[9:41pm] Clarke: good point thanks!! xx

It’s the clear end of the conversation, and Bellamy stares at the entire thread until his screen goes black before downing the rest of his beer and heading back to the living room.

The uncomfortable weight that has settled at the bottom of his stomach ever since she mentioned finding a hookup remains, and he tries his best it to ignore it, focusing instead on the pile of essays he has remaining. She doesn’t message him again for the rest of the night, and he tries not to think about it.

Bellamy has known Clarke for more than a few years now, and while they didn’t start off as friends, they grew into it, slowly moving from snapping at each other for every little thing, to biting back grins and shared inside jokes. Not to mention that he’s about halfway in love with her at this point, but he rather ignore that thought. His life is much easier when he doesn’t think about what a total cliché he’s become.

Still, despite all of this, he and Clarke aren’t exactly the types to talk about their sex lives which made last Friday’s text thread more than a little bit strange.

It gets even stranger when he sees her at Octavia’s the next night, and she plops down on the sofa next to him with, “So, blowjobs,” in greeting.

He lifts a single eyebrow as he regards her. “Hi Clarke, how was your day? Mine was fine, thanks for asking,” he says, flat. “Manners are a wondrous thing.”

Clarke rolls her eyes, sneaking a sip of his beer. “Ugh, god, fine; hi Bellamy, glad your day was good, so was mine, now back to the topic at hand: blowjobs.”

“Anyone ever tell you that you have a one track mind?”

“I prefer the term ‘refusing to beat around the bush.’”

“More like stubborn little princess,” he quips fondly, and she pulls a face.

“You’re deflecting,” she says in a singsong voice, nudging him with her shoulder, “Do you deflect this much when your students ask you questions?”

“No, because my students don’t ask me sexually explicit questions. Surprisingly, they know better than that.”

“Come on Bellamy, help a girl out. I need to prove my hypothesis.”

He places his bottle on the table with a definitive thud, wiping his hands on his pants. “I still don’t get why you’re asking me about this; you’re the one who had a hook up last night. Surely now you have a data point to work with.”

“I didn’t actually.”

His neck almost cracks with the speed in which he turns to look over at her. “What? Why?”

She just shrugs, disinterested. “I bailed. I haven’t interacted with an organically grown dick in a while and I figured being out of practice might backfire on me.”

“Oh, well that sucks. Or rather, doesn’t,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, and she snickers at his lame attempt of a joke, “But at the same time, please don’t ever use that statement ever again. You’re going to ruin organically grown produce for me.”

“Especially those eggplants, huh,” she nudges him, biting back a smirk, and Bellamy groans out loud, shoving her in the shoulder.

“I fucking hate you,” he says, even as his lips twitch up at the corners, and he leans his head back, throwing an arm over his eyes.

Clarke’s laugh rings out bright and loud, garnering stares from everyone else in the room. “Such a baby,” she says affectionately, tickling his side, and Bellamy flips her off with a harrumph.

He’d like to say that that was the end of all blowjob related topics of conversation.

However, that would be a lie.

Bellamy is by no means a prude, but he just can’t have these types of conversations with Clarke, not without going red and stammering, mostly because when he imagines these types of conversations, there’s far less talking and far more… other activities.

(He also fantasises about mundane things as holding her hand in the supermarket and doing the dishes together at the end of the day because he is in deep and it’s maybe a little bit of a problem.)

“Seriously, you know there’s the internet for all of this, right?” he says, exasperated, one evening after she brings it back up yet again.

Clarke nudges him with a sock clad foot. She’s sprawled out on his couch, scrolling through his Netflix queue while eating his stir fry, the one that she pointedly stole before he could get his hands on it. “Yeah, but you’re an educator, so y’know… educate me.”

“Funny enough, the semantics of giving a blowjob isn’t on the high school history curriculum,” Bellamy says drily, batting away her foot.

Clarke just furrows her brows, pointing a chopstick at him. “Did you use ‘semantics’ on purpose to be punny or…?”

He groans, throwing a piece of sweet pepper at her. “You’re ridiculous.”

“And you’re deflecting again,” she clucks.

Bellamy shrugs, not bothering to hide it. “I am, because what you asked before was just plain gross.”

“You work with teenagers all day and you’re telling me that that’s gross?” she asks skeptically. “Sometimes people come on you. It’s not a big deal.”

“Yeah, no, I never understood the appeal of that,” he huffs, and he’s fairly certain he’s red all over. “It just seems unhygienic.”

“You would think so,” she says, smiling fondly as she sits up, “But don’t worry, I don’t really get it either. Besides, I prefer to swallow.”

He doesn’t let his mind wander when she says that; he refuses given that Clarke is sitting right there on his couch next to him and there’s a fine line between jokingly talking about sex with your best friend and imagining having sex with your best when she’s sitting right there.

It doesn’t stop him from huffing again though, even as he fidgets in his seat. “Seriously, what is the upside to having someone… having that.”

“You’re such a prude, it’s adorable,” she says easily, patting him on the leg, “And I guess there’s some science behind it.”

He stares at her in abject horror. “Oh my god. Please don’t.”

“Shut up. There’s like, protein and enzymes and stuff in it. There was a Cosmo article about it a while back.”

“Yes, because Cosmopolitan is the peak scientific resource,” he mutters under his breath.

“Hey, I was an almost doctor,” she points out, placing the take out cartons on the tabletop and curling her legs beneath her, “I know these things, and the science checks out.”

He levels her with a flat look. “You’re not an almost doctor,” he says, “You did two and a half years of premed, stopped, got in a fight about it with your mother, and then lived on my couch for the better part of a year while bemoaning about being unemployed.”

“That doesn’t mean some things didn’t stick,” she says with a roll of her eyes, “Intercostobrachial nerve. Phenylketonuria. The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.”

“God, you’re a dork.”

Clarke just clicks her imaginary finger guns at him. “I’m a dork who’s good at giving head. At least I think I’m good at giving head. No one has complained before.”

“Why do we always end up back here?” he groans, looking heavenward.

“Because we still haven’t come up with an answer to the question I asked two weeks ago,” she replies. And then after a pause during which Bellamy does not stare at her biting her lips, “And also because it’s kind of fun seeing you all flustered like this.”

“I’m glad my discomfort amuses you,” he grumbles, pushing to his feet.

“It kinda does,” she muses, “I mean, I know you’re a nerd, but I’ve also seen you manage to wrangle hookups and even threesomes in the past without doing much work, so it’s funny watching you stumble your way through a discussion about blowjobs.”

Bellamy doesn’t really know how to respond to that, so he just flips her off, grabbing their empty take out cartons to dispose off in the kitchen. When he comes back, she’s settled on rewatching an episode of Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey, and waits until he throws himself back down on the couch, purposefully jostling her in the process, before she starts it. She does however make sure to elbow him in the stomach when she presses play though, just for propriety’s sake.

Halfway through the show and several bad sex puns later, he finally caves and asks, “If you had the answer to the first question you posed, would you finally drop this and go back to being normal?”

Clarke falters for a second, an unidentifiable emotion flittering across her face too quick for him to decipher. “You think I’m not being normal?”

“I think you’re being weird,” he grouses, glancing over at her, “So weird; in fact, next time we go out I’m willing to wingman you just so you can find someone to test your ridiculous theory on.”

It’s a testament to just how fucking strange it’s been that his heart only gives a little twinge at the idea of him helping her find someone else to hook up with.

“Right,” she says, voice a little bit odd, “Thanks for that. In advance I mean.”

He stares down at her, brow furrowed. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Clarke physically shakes herself and sends him a quick but weak smirk. “Yeah. I’m fine. I was just thinking, finding someone to do this with means I’ll have to tell them about all of this, y’know? And then I’d have to blow them again.” She looks sidelong at him, pointedly drumming her fingers against her jaw. “If only there was someone who already knew of it and was willing to take part.”

“What,” is all he can say, frozen in place.

She leans into him, pressing her face against his bicep. “Come on; it’ll be fun!” she cajoles, “Unless you have serious objections of course. Then we can forever ignore this moment.”

A hand drops on his thigh and he jerks as if startled when it traces the seam of his jeans. “What the fuck- now?” he asks, voice strangled. If he had pearls, he’s pretty sure that he would be clutching them at this instance.

“No time like the present,” she says with a toothy smile before sliding off the couch to kneel between his legs.

“Fucking Christ,” he swears, even as he slouches lower in his seat, widening the vee of his legs to make room for her. Despite the increase in blowjob related thoughts Clarke has inspired within him over the past few weeks, never in his wildest dreams had he imagined that they would ever turn to reality. But alas, here they are, Clarke on her knees in front of him while slowly stroking him through his jeans.

Fuck, he’s going to be so be easy.

“I can’t believe you’re going to blow me while Neil Degrasse Tyson talks about the atmosphere of Venus in the background,” he says mildly, trying to keep his hips from jerking up at her touch and struggling to remain some semblance of chill.

She cocks an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, is this not hot for you? Doesn’t all the obscure knowledge really get you going?” she snorts, undoing the snap of his jeans before looking up at him for a second, “Want me to stop?”

“Fuck no,” he shakes his head emphatically, swearing again when she slips her hand into his boxers. “Jesus.”

“Just Clarke is fine,” she snarks, and he tugs on her hair in retaliation. She worries her lip between her teeth, glancing up at him. “Don’t get your hopes up too high though; it’s been a while.”

All in all, it’s a good thing she doesn’t give him a chance to respond, choosing instead to get her fingers wet and free him from his underwear, since Bellamy is pretty sure that he would have said that having her here is all he could need, or something equally as sappy. Instead, he just tips his head back and groans, letting himself be consumed by her touch.

If he’s being honest, it’s probably not the best blowjob he’s ever received. Clarke is obviously out of practice and takes some time getting back into the groove of things, but at the same time, it’s Clarke and he was about ready to bust a nut the moment she got her hands on him. So really, it’s no surprise that after maybe fifteen minutes or so his hand tightens in her hair, and he comes with a guttural groan.

“Fuck,” he pants, head still tipped back as his heartbeat slows to a dull roar in his ears. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand as she stands up, and Bellamy tugs her to him, pulling her down for a kiss.

At first she’s stiff in his hands, and he thinks that he’s made a terrible mistake. But then, she slides her hand in his hair and parts her lips, letting him lick into her mouth as he chases the taste of him on her tongue, mewling when he nips at her.

“Couldn’t do that if you got come on you face,” he mutters when they part, effectively ruining the mood, and Clarke laughs low and husky.

“That could be someone’s kink; don’t kinkshame, Bellamy,” she tells him, even as she squirms, trying to inconspicuously rub her legs together.

He notices immediately of course, and a sly grin unfurls across his face. “Need a hand there?” he asks, looming over her, letting his hand slide down her side to curl his fingers through her belt loops and tug her to him.

“Please,” is all she says, and Bellamy figures that if this really is just one wild dream, he might as well make the most it, so he slips his hand down the front of her pants and swears when he finds her already wet and wanting. He gets her off twice, just like that, letting her bite his shoulder to muffle her moans, and figures that this has been the hottest hour of his life thus far.

He doubts nothing could ever compare to this and, fuck, he hopes she doesn’t want this to be a one and done kind of thing. If she does, he’ll probably fucking cry.

Things are never that easy though, because as soon as Clarke catches her breath, she pulls away, leaving him strangely cold.

“I should go,” she murmurs, straightening out her shirt and looking anywhere but him.

“Right,” he says, and his voice sounds hollow even in his own ears. He tries to keep his face expressionless, even as his heart sinks, and Clarke stands up.

“I’ll come back tomorrow though,” and although he knows it’s meant to sound placating, it just sounds awkward, and they both cringe. The previous light mood has dissipated, and Bellamy wants to kick himself. This is what he was worried about whenever he thought about pursuing an actual relationship with Clarke, and he’s honestly scared that their friendship could end for good.

So of course, instead of backtracking and trying to smooth over the situation, Bellamy figures he might as well bite the bullet. Go big or go home, right?

She dawdles as she pulls on her shoes and coat, giving him enough time to build up the courage to finally ask, “Or you could stay here?” eyes screwed shut as he braces for the rejection that never comes.

Her hand stills on the coatrack and she turns around to give him a surprisingly shy smile. “Yeah?” she asks, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Yeah. Uh, if you want to. You don’t have to, obviously,” he babbles, raking a hand through his hair. “It’s up to you to choose, I won’t mind if you say no-”

“You’re terrible at this,” she interrupts, biting her bottom lip as she smiles, “Honestly, I can’t believe I ever thought you had game.”

“I have game,” he mutters sullenly.

Clarke tips her head back and laughs, crossing the room and reaching for his hand, twining their fingers together. “No, you really don’t.”

“Shut up,” he tells her, and then can’t even be mad because it gives her an excuse to lean up and kiss him again, short and sweet.

“This would make testing out my hypothesis much easier,” she teases as she leads them off to his bedroom.

He rolls his eyes, even as he continues to smile so wide that his cheeks hurt. “I can’t believe I’m your lab rat,” he laments before pushing her up against the door to kiss her more soundly.

“Yeah you seem really upset,” she breathes when they part, her fingers twined in his hair as he nuzzles her cheekbone.

They don’t do anything else besides make out that night, Bellamy making it his own personal mission to catalogue every sigh and moan he manages to extract from her, and they eventually fall asleep, Clarke curled into him, her face pressed into his neck.

In the morning though, she wakes him up, telling him that it’s time for her to repeat her experiment, and while Bellamy is pretty sure there isn’t any discernable difference between last night’s blowjob and this morning’s one, he does get to eat her out after, getting her off until her muscles are shaking and they’re both drenched in sweat, so he figures it’s a win.

“I can’t believe this actually worked,” she admits, sitting up on the counter while he makes them breakfast. She’s wearing nothing but one of his t shirts, and it’s more than a little distracting.

“I can’t believe you actually planned it,” he shoots back, adding to green onion to the omelette, “You could have just asked me out like a normal person.”

“I was trying to!” protests Clarke, “It was supposed to be a pick up line! ‘Are blowjobs like riding a bike?’ ‘Oh I don’t know, maybe you should test that out.’ ‘You’re right; wanna help?’ See? Easy!”

He plates her breakfast and hands it to her with an unimpressed stare. “That is the shittiest pick up line I have ever heard,” he tells her as they head over to the table, “You don’t get to tell me I have no game when you have negative game.”

“It worked in the long run,” she mutters mulishly, stabbing a piece of bacon viciously.

“Negative amounts of game, Clarke.”

“I don’t even know why I like you; you’re terrible,” she says, kicking at his shins.

Bellamy just leans over and swipes her other strip of bacon, ignoring her gasp and stuffing it into his mouth. “It’s because I cook for you and let you use me in your dumb experiments. Now eat your breakfast before it goes cold.”

She sticks her tongue out at him, but does as he says nonetheless, and they eat breakfast in companionable silence.

“You know,” she muses once they start clearing away the dishes, “Another thing I picked as I became and almost doctor was that the best way to prove your hypothesis right was through repetition.”

“Oh really.” He watches her as he lets the sink full, noting how she bites her lip as she looks up at him from beneath her lashes, and twists the hem of her shirt in her hands.

“I figured, now that I have a boyfriend, I could use him to gather more data points,” she says impishly, running her hands across his shoulders.

“Oh yes, we must take advantage of that,” he agrees, turning the tap off before pulling her to him with a squeak.

She’s still giggling when he leans down and takes her mouth with his, kissing her impossibly slow and deep, and making her toes curl with it. He loves the feel of her pressed against him, loves how she has to roll up onto the balls of her feet just to meet his lips, and he grins into it. Bellamy leaves his arm around her waist when the part, and presses a kiss to the tip of her nose, smiling when she wrinkles it.

“I’ll be happy to help you gather all the data you need,” he says, she grins up at him, letting her head fall onto his shoulder.

“Good. I’m glad we could come to an understanding,” she says, looking at him incredibly soft, “It’s a long term experiment.”

This time, he kisses the crown of her head. “I’ll be here for how long you need me.”

[shittyelfwriter]

92 Truths

THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG ONE FOLKS! Long but boring probably, I’m not particularly interesting lmao. I was TRIPLE (HOLY SHIT) tagged by @thewayhistoryiswritten @mellomadness and @safyresky, the trifecta of lovelies!

*line break for scrolling convenience*

LAST… 

[1] drink: lady grey tea with a spot of cream

[2] phone call: my mom 

[3] text message: dani? More than likely I'm usually spamming her with some form of bullshit (I sorry) 

[4] song you listened to: Liability by Lorde

[5] time you cried: yesterday? It's was a stressful one but today seems to be a bit better

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: no

[7] been cheated on: NOPE

[8] kissed someone and regretted it: yes

[9] lost someone special: oh boy. Yes.

[10] been depressed: ✌️😎 always my dude

[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

[12] deep green

[13] maroon

[14] black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

[15] made new friends: YES! Most of my online friends have been made in the past year

[16] fallen out of love: I don't think it's really possible for me to fall out of love with somebody. It takes me too long to fall IN and if I do then I'm basically stuck with feelings for life

[17] laughed until you cried: yes

[18] found out someone was talking about you: ??? No idea I'm usually the last to know

[19] met someone who changed you: yep

[20] found out who your true friends are: this feels really shady but all my friends have been very kind to me this past year

[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: no

GENERAL…

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them? My fb circle is very small

[23] do you have any pets: do I EVER! I live on a farm with around fifty chickens, two ducks, four dogs, nine cats and a bunny

[24] do you want to change your name: I've wanted to all my life. I was supposed to be named Clara but my mom changed her mind last minute and then my cousin ended up with that name instead. I'm still salty about it.

[25] what did you do for your last birthday: I just chilled at home [26] what time did you wake up: first at 2:30 am then again for good at 6

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping

[28] name something you cannot wait for: no idea. New Lana album? Lorde's Melancholy looks promising too

[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: two minutes ago when I brought her coffee

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: there are a lot of things. But right now I wish I wasn't having to file for disability and actually face the fact that my body is not my friend right now? I wish I had more energy to help my family but most times I am very fatigued, can't be up for long periods of time and can hardly pull my thoughts together. It's why I ramble a lot when I write/talk.

[31] what are you listening to right now: Aaron Burr, Sir from the Hamilton soundtrack (BURR U FENCEPOSTING PIECE OF SHIT)

[32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: our neighbor is named Tom so yeah

[33] something that is getting on your nerves: the fact that things are very stressful right now? Our land taxes quadrupled this year and our car got vandalized and we're behind on the mortgage and my cat ran away and I am just a ball of STRESS DUDE

[34] most visited website: tumblr and youtube equally

[35] elementary: homeschooled

[36] high school: homeschooled through high school, but I graduated at sixteen

[37] college: waited until I was 19 to go because of family crisis only to drop out when my own health crashed

[38] hair colour: darkish brown

[39] long or short hair: I like both? But right now I'm growing mine out again

[40] do you have a crush on someone: if I know you I probably have at least a low grade crush on you I just love people a lot even though I am a shy

[41] what do you like about yourself?: *pastes the entirety of the bee movie script to avoid this question*

[42] piercings: regular ear piercings, but I haven't worn earrings since I was like seven or eight

[43] blood type: AB+ I think, I'll know again in a few weeks

[44] nickname: Ana, Lili, senpai, u meme shit

[45] relationship status: single!! and screaming!!!

[46] zodiac sign: aquarius

[47] pronouns: she/her

[48] fav tv show: there are a lot of them! I'm just gonna keep it simple and say right now Voltron and Steven Universe are keeping me relatively de-stressed

[49] tattoos: none

[50] right or left handed: I'm ambidextrous! Though I /usually/ write with my right hand.

FIRST…

[51] surgery: none (though I did have a serious concussion when I was young? It's a long story ask me if you want the details)

[52] piercing: ears as they're the only ones I have

[53] best friend: I don't want to stick anyone with the title of best friend but you are more than welcome to take it if you'd like!

[54] sport: gymnastics, softball, baseball, football, swimming, tennis, tap, ballet, some hip hop dance. I've also coached softball and baseball as well as umpired for both

[55] vacation: I live in Hawaii? So I'd want to go someplace snowy probably, I get enough sun as it is

[56] pair of trainers: I have a pair of red converse that are slightly too small

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: Hershey's chocolate eggs

[58] drinking: still my tea

[59] i’m about to: make breakfast

[60] listening to: nothing right now

[61] waiting for: things to get better?

[62] want: my writer's block to leave? Please?

[63] get married: I mean, sure, if I'm not single for the rest of my life because I never meet anybody ever and am constantly a ball of stress

[64] career: I'm a farmer, I guess. Not exactly by choice. I write in my spare time.

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: both

[66] lips or eyes: both

[67] shorter or taller: does it matter? Though I am a sensitive about being toll so maybe a toller is better

[68] older or younger: older, younger NEVER seems to work out for me

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: does this really matter? I mean? I care more about how a person behaves and thinks and feels than this

[71] sensitive or loud: either or both

[72] hook up or relationship: relationship

[73] troublemaker or hesitant: why are these the only two options. Why. 

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger? Nope

[75] drank hard liquor? Nope

[76] lost glasses/contact lenses? I've had them stepped on and broken so yes?

[77] turned someone down: yes.

[78] sex on first date? no

[79] broken someone’s heart? Yes.

[80] had your own heart broken? Yes.

[81] been arrested? It's...complicated?

[82] cried when someone died? Yes.

[83] fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself? I mean I believe in most cryptids more than I believe in myself tbh

[85] miracles? Yes

[86] love at first sight? This is a difficult question. I know it's possible to have a sense of knowing about someone when you meet them, like you just know you're going to be involved with that person. I've experienced that -- and of course attraction is a thing that exists. But love is a complex thing and saying that you feel that much for someone you've only just met is quite the stretch. I think this concept is based on hindsight realization more than actual fact

[87] santa claus? 🙃 same phone who dis

[89] angels? Hella

OTHER…

[90] current best friend’s name: WHY ARE THESE SO SPECIFIC I AM OFFEND

[91] eye colour: sea green

[92] favourite movie: probably Pacific Rim I love that movie SO FUCKING MUCH also I love the Santa Clause movies but usually just to watch by myself. If I watch them with others I just feel EXPOSED (especially after my sister jokingly called it my porn, I'd still want to murder her for that if it didn't make me laugh so much)

TAGGING! The main squad I’d tag already tagged me so I’ll reach out and tag my other squad @bkwrm523 @splendidcas @joanne-egberp @imamotherfuckingstar-lord @willowing-love @netflixandcastiellll also @faith-in-dean @afanofmanystuffs @enaishungry @it-is-bitter only if you guys feel like it! I know it’s a long one :)

[costco-service]

A List of the -service Blogs

the originals - @target-service - @walmartservice - @verizon-service - @sprintservice - @t-mobile-service-revengeance - @att-service

the additions, in order of appearance - @costco-service - @staples-service - @walgreens-service - @hobby-lobby-service - @hy-vee-service - @starbucks-service - @cvs-store - @kingsoopers-service - @toys-r-us-toystore - @kohls-service - @riteaid-service - @amazon-service - @petco-service - @shoprite-service - @winco-service - @publix-service-deactivated20170 - @mcdonalds-service - @kmart-totallyofficial-service - @fivebelow-service - @menards-service - @subway-service -@loves-unofficial

honorary mentions/consistent rebloggers - @colorful-pancakes - @iridescent-midnight - @hunterthewriterworld - @majora707 - @mangosoffical - @talmart 

see below for otp pairings and descriptions of each admin

ships target x walmart: talmart. verizon x sprint: sprizon staples x costco: stotco king spoopers x walgreens: king greens cvs x toys-r-us: cv-r-us winco x k-mart: winmart subway x mcdonalds: subdonalds

descriptions @target-service: target boy. true hufflepuff. pure and loving to all followers. will probably reblog your post. interactive. the true original of the -service trend. likes kingdom of hearts. age of 19. don’t forget target’s birthday. may 1st. @walmartservice: walmart boy. the slytherin of the bunch. really loves target (feeling is mutual). besties with target. savage. will burn you mercilessly, and ready to fight hateful anon who claim talmart is dead. (hint: it’s not) age of 19. @verizon-service: ships self with sprint. highkey in love. not a big secret. passive aggressive to brenda and salty with a hint of sophistication. supportive and comforting to friends and lovers alike. great personality. @sprintservice: also supportive of friends. loves sweets, particularly costco ice cream and rock candy. just around for a good time. most likely to fall into a pile of candy and video games. dash of randomness. love. down for sprizon, but slightly ignorant of verizon’s advances? excellent friend. @t-mobile-service-revengeance: all the memes. dead inside and out. good knock knock jokes. unafraid to prove you wrong. so many memes. memes. hardworking. will arrange own funeral for other’s convenience. thanks you for attending. @att-service: handsomb and has cellular service. loves supporting customers and promoting the many services of att. always ready to help a friend out and point them in the right direction. links everything. has deals. minimalist aesthetic. @staples-service: fav. taking it slow with costco. true ravenclaw of the bunch. will burn you subtly and effectively. “who hurt you,” i whisper while scrolling through the bee movie script for the 22nd time. in her words, Hella biromantic. lit and dependable friend. love. @walgreens-service: walgreens boi! buddy. currently getting together with king spoopers, no questions asked. unafraid to send you your worst nightmare, i.e. “hi d*ddy”. also lit. reblogs the posts. self-advocate for walgreens. gr8. @hobby-lobby-service: not human. many rituals and sacrifices in the back. probably needs a clean up in one of the craft aisles because of it. ???. to be referred as being of hobby lobby. not human. screams internally and externally. portals and demigorgons and quantum states. do not anger. @hy-vee-service: is there for you and stressed college students alike. adorable gifs. sweet one of the brandom fam. potential hufflepuff too. out for a good time. cute animals. probably says y’all non-agressively. excellent and pure. @starbucks-service: will give you good coffee. smells nice. kind-hearted. ready with the muffins. mom. rip all their cups. will also recognize the end of an era, like the end of the red cups. @cvs-store: rebel who didn’t have -service in their url. (probably like that one cousin nobody really knows how they’re related, but still welcome.) ships the good ships. the kind that posts statuses of everything, like when they get together with toys-r-us (i ship it). excellent gifs. lovely eyebrows. self-depreciating memes. relatable. @kingsoopers-service: dog gifs. good supplies. ready to assist. also cats. lovely. reblog all the posts. observes all. v smooth. smoother than the pebble you found last week. only the pure memes. @toys-r-us-toystore: true “reblogs all the posts” queen. amazingly loyal fren, ready to fight, but kind. not for the faint-of-heart. best supporter™. here 5 you. excellent. love. @kohls-service: sophisticated with a hint of sassy. perfect combo. fancy talk. friend of all and friend to all. late to the party, but with a good reason. everybody likes ‘em. @riteaid-service: talk to joey in the back. cheap but good quality lipstick. advocate for self. wary of hobby lobby, and RITE-ly so. it’s about to get personal with them. meme death?? scary memes?? @amazon-service: good gifs like many others. down to get funky™. a fine appreciator for the arts. lover of coffee and muffins. quality service. @petco-service: fantastic pets and where to find them. check petco for said fantastic pets. cinnamon roll. emoticons! lil’ sweet & sassy. great. @shoprite-service: also v supportive. give ‘em the mcflurry. want shoprite on your side. hint of savagery. @winco-service: moneys. approachable and great. good service. leave no post (or meme) unturned. good archive. hip? @publix-service: the newborn random child. must be protected at all costs. friendly and here to spread the love. @mcdonalds-service: another pure one. lover of the arts and loves sharing and spreadin’ joy and awesome chairs for the kiddos. provides free food and fries for all, rather enjoyable content. probably will drop subtle hints about different things, like when you keep forgetting to add them to this master post. (SORRY) @kmart-totallyofficial-service: claims to be target’s big brother, but really, target does what target wants and is probably the most mature. the australian version of targé. not a person, a being. watch out. @fivebelow-service: not a fan of the bee movie script. coffee kinda person, forget the kermit sipping tea meme. probably wants pringles. will call you out? @menards-service: won’t fight you, but will kindly disagree. however, will fight you if you disrespect their store. quality rainbows and the best place to treat yo self. @subway-service: here for the discourse and fresh lunch meat. probably a lil’ bit petty, but still lovable! excellent sandwiches. the real deal. frosh and won’t deal with your fake-ness. @loves-unofficial: pure and sweet, total hufflepuff. wary of others and always considerate. loves exclamation points!! @costco-service: really wants samples before noon. will burn you in your ask and apologize in the tags. says “fight me” too frequently but would realistically lose. gryffindor!1! cries over tchaikovsky. also, bee movie script. watch out.

if I missed you please message me and I will add you asap!

[zeroviraluniverse-blog]

Albert Einstein's Forgotten Inventions | Mental Floss

Visit Now - https://zeroviral.com/albert-einsteins-forgotten-inventions-mental-floss/

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