#that is - if their Sect Leader doesn't get there first

[raineda-shipper]

Qijiu in a 90's grunge/punk teens AU, where SJ starts smoking as a young teen and YQ gets a cheap lighter for him. But SJ says: "Nah. It's ugly. You keep it." Because this way SJ has a plausibly deniable reason to demand YQ's attention basically any time he wants it! So now YQ always carries that lighter for SJ, even though he doesn't smoke himself.

Their separation happens when they are older than in canon. Their reunion goes badly. But the moment SJ pulls out a cigarette in YQY's vicinity, immediately YQY is there, a lighter in his outstretched hand - old and beat up but still obviously the same. Only one modification: it's now hanging from a chain. SJ silently, warily lights the cigarette and YQY smiles and puts the lighter chain necklace back on, tucking it inside his shirt to lay directly over his skin.

SJ's brain spins its wheels for a moment, unable to fit this fact into his worldview, but he quickly finds his anger again, drawling: "Ah, the immaculate Yue Qingyuan has started smoking. What a disgusting habit."

YQY's smile drops and he says quietly "No, I don't smoke. But I don't think it's disgusting."

I imagine at that SJ might run out of steam and leave? He needs time to think about this, right? But maybe next day he ends up "accidentally" taking out a cigarette in YQY's line of sight again, and that same lighter comes out again, and for a bit they stand together in silence that feels less suffocating than usual..?

And next day it happens again and SJ says: "You don't think it's disgusting? Prove it."

He hands YQY a cigarette. YQY dutifully tries to smoke it and starts coughing and even tearing up but still keeps trying to smoke it - because! it's a gift from Xiao Jiu! until SJ snatches the cigarette from his hand and viciously grinds it out.

Next day YQY comes with a pack of extra light cigarettes and asks SJ to teach him how to smoke properly. (He wants to prove his feelings to SJ! And of course it would be nice if he could lean in close to SJ's face and light his cigarette from SJ's own...)

Would SJ agree because he wants to drag the sect leader down to his level? Then maybe that could be the start of their reconciliation, being together for 5 unproblematic minutes every day?

Or maybe he'd feel like he had to protect Qi-ge from doing stupid and harmful things just because some spiteful asshole told him to, and would stop him? Even if SJ himself is the spiteful asshole!

Just - the thought of YQY during all the years of their separation always wearing a beat-up old lighter on a chain where nobody can see it because he thinks Xiao Jiu is dead and that's all he has left of him...But he never lights it because Xiao Jiu DIED IN A FIRE so he possibly has even more hangups about fire than SJ does...

Epilogue 1

At some point in the future SJ is sitting in a chair as he pulls out a cigarette. YQY leans down with the lighter but SJ tells him "No, get down here," and pulls YQY to kneel in front of him... YQY doesn't move away and is looking at SJ so rapturously that his first smoke exhalation lands directly in his face...

Epilogue 2

So in this universe SJ doesn't carry a lighter himself. I'm imagining a smoke break at Cang Qiong where SQH is nervously twisting the cheapest and grubbiest cigarette in existence in his fingers and asking SJ for a light.

SJ looks at him down his nose. "Do I look like the sort of person who needs to carry his own lighter?"

SQH is like: "Dude, you're actively smoking right now, light mine with yours!"

SJ immediately drops his cigarette on the ground, viciously grinds it out, turns around and walks away without a word.

Epilogue 3

Imagine SJ, in a fit of self- and everybody-else-loathing, saying something about how the cheap, beat-up, old lighter is an embarrassment - how SJ might get his own lighter to avoid having to see that ugly thing. YQY wouldn't want to lose Precious Lighter Time With Xiao Jiu, so next day when SJ gets out a cigarette YQY pulls out a new diamond-encrusted solid gold lighter, worthy of Xiao Jiu 💖

And SJ almost has a qi deviation because YQY has Replaced Their Shameful Ugly Past With An Expensive New Model. Which he expresses by cuttingly saying that the new lighter is even uglier than the old model and that perhaps YQY should go dig the old one out of the trash bin he threw it in because his taste is worse than trash. (Regardless of how tasteful the new lighter actually is.)

At which point YQY apologises and says that if SJ prefers the old lighter he can have it of course! And he pulls it out (he hung it from a chain necklace that's always resting over his heart).

SJ is quiet after that.

[lyngracetalksnwritesnstuff]

Jiang Family Analysis

Ok, so, I've wanted to make this post for a while because I've always had some distinct opinions about the Jiang Family, though not all of them are bad, per se.

Just a few disclaimers before I get started:

THE FOLLOWING IS MY PERSONAL OPINION AND MY OPINION ONLY. I HAVE (WHAT I THINK IS) SOUND REASONING FOR IT, BUT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT OR AGREE WITH IT, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ THIS. I AM NOT TRYING TO PRESSURE MY VIEWS OF THESE CHARACTERS ON OTHERS. THIS IS SIMPLY HOW I SEE THEM. THIS IS ALSO NOT VERY JIANG PARENT FRIENDLY, SO BE WARNED. IF I AM FACTUALLY INCORRECT, YOU ARE WELCOME TO CORRECT ME IN THE COMMENTS.

Ok, here we go!

Jiang Fengmian:

I honestly have no respect for this man. Like, zero. I am glad he took in Wei Ying and gave him a home, but in doing so, he also destroyed his own home. Obviously, Madam Yu's abuse is not his fault; he didn't force her to abuse Wei Ying, but on that subject, he completely lacks backbone here, as well as pretty much everywhere we see him. The first and main reason I don't like him is the fact that Jiang Cheng's hurt and confusion on why Jiang Fengmian chooses Wei Ying over him is obvious. It's so incredibly clear. Madam Yu straight up tells him he's favoring Wei Ying over Jiang Cheng, and he does nothing to fix it. Over and over again, he's faced with problems he could so easily solve if he were to speak clearly and truthfully for one—because we know that he does love Jiang Cheng—and he chooses not to. Another example of this is the rumours that Wei Ying is Jiang Fengmian's son. I can't quite remember if it is stated directly in the novel, but we do know it was a prevalent rumour that would've certainly made it to Jiang Fengmian's ears. I am certain he knew Madam Yu may have thought Wei Ying was his son, or at least knew many people did, and yet again, he does nothing to address this issue. Another issue we see him use the "if I don't say anything, it can't get worse" approach, is with Wei Ying's abuse. He knew Madan Yu regularly abused Wei Ying, which, yes, while sort of period-appropriate, the level of abuse he received was not the norm, and the time it occurred at never excuses child abuse. Yes, Madam Yu usually did it when Jiang Fengmian wasn't home, but he was well aware of it. He could've put his foot down at any point—he was the godamn sect leader—but he chose not to. While I don't know if this was a sick way to attempt to appease Madam Yu, or just pure cowardice, I do know that no man with enough conviction to bring in an orphan, but without the backbone needed to protect them from abuse, should ever raise a child. We also see this failure to address issues with the general deterioration of his family and how he never seems fully present with them.

My take on this is that it's a sort of defense mechanism he developed from when he was first married to Yu Ziyuan, which was arranged, and I assume neither of them was happy with. Her verbal abuse (educated guess, we don't actually know anything about the state of their marriage pre-Wei Ying, but with Madam Yu's anger issues during the timeline, I kinda doubt they would've been a recent development, especially since anger seems to be how she expresses unhappiness) would've made it hard for him to stand up for himself, and he chose the route of "well, if I don't say anything, it can't possibly get worse" as a way of defending himself and helping himself cope with the unhappy situation. I feel like most of his issues are rooted in a fear of being wrong. Think about it, if he doesn't take a side, he can't get yelled at for choosing the wrong one, and if he never addresses a problem, it can't get worse—at least, so he thinks. Inaction is still abuse and neglect, intentional or not.

Madam Yu:

Again, I have very little respect for her. I enjoy her character base—a strong warrior woman forced into an arranged marriage with a complete pushover, and going mad falling for rumours and whispers about him being unfaithful, but as a person, she disgusts me. First and foremost, her behavior towards Wei Ying. This is the main issue I have with her, though I have bones to pick with her about her treatment of her bio children. Being angry at your husband because people are saying he cheated and then had a child, which he proceeded to bring back to your home to raise, is one thing; that's mostly valid. But taking that anger out on said child and systematically abusing them is completely and totally inexcusable and an abhorrent thing to do. Wei Ying did nothing wrong, a fact that he never seems to grasp, even near the end of the story, where he starts to heal and grow as a person. Madam Yu did such irreparable damage to him that he automatically assumed everything was his fault, even and especially when it was not. And all of that was for no reason other than petty bitterness, anger at his skills, and disdain for his mother. I also believe her behavior towards Jiang Cheng is mostly to blame for his later issues in life. She was the only parental figure who showed him even a shred of attention and investment in his progress, so as any child would do, he tried to model himself after her. This also does kinda loop back around to Jiang Fengmian, as if he'd showed even a little bit more affecttion towards Jiang Cheng, he might've turned out with healthier ways of expressing emotion. Madam Yu showed him that the only way he'd ever be important or worthy to anyone was if he was better than Wei Ying, better than someone—anyone else. This obviously left him with deep-seated self-worth issues and unhealthy ways of coping with grief, guilt, and uselessness. Lastly, her treatment of Jiang Yanli. This isn't something I've seen talked about a lot, but it's definitely there. I feel like Jiang Yanli is Madam Yu's Child She Doen't Pay Attention To like Jiang Cheng is Jiang Fengmian's. But instead of being bitter about it, Jiang Yanli focuses on being a positive parental figure to Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian and keeping their broken family together.

I really think Madam Yu's incessant anger is a product of feeling trapped in her environment, with a husband and children she never wanted, in a place she never learned to call home. This obviously doesn't excuse her abuse towards literally everyone in that household. It also doesn't excuse how she constantly would drive a wedge between Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng, isolating Jiang Cheng from his peers and driving home the thinking that if he was better than them, he shouldn't associate with them, and if they were better than him, they were rivals.

In summary, for both Madam Yu and Jiang Fengmian, I truly believe that had they been in a happy relationship, or not been in a relationship at all, their children's lives would've been so much better. You can blame Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng, and Jiang Yanli, all you want, but at the end of the day, it was their parents who taught them how to act, and they were terrible role models. This obviously doesn't excuse any bad decisions they made, but it does explain them.

Wei Ying:

Wei Wuxian is a tragedy. Abandoned as a young child (though not willingly) and taken into an abusive home where he was taught that he could never leave because of the debt he owed them and that everything bad that happened was his fault. Then, as an adult, he was shamed for doing whatever he could to survive and protect his loved ones, even by his own family. He tried everything he could to save everyone and be the good guy because that was his job, in his mind. He had to save everyone and be righteous, but he also wants to, which is what makes him such a fundamentally good person. Then, when he does an objectively good thing and saves innocent people—which is what he's been taught to do his whole life, by the whole cultivation world—he's condemned for it, society telling him, "No, not those innocent people. You can only save the innocents we tell you to; otherwise, you're a villain." He tries everything to be good, to take care of those he cares about, does everything he's told, and fails.

Because he was doing the very thing cultivators prided themselves on, he was pushed off the edge. Even after he comes back and his name is cleared, it's never quite the same, because everyone still associates him with the "Evil" Yilling Laozu who haunted their cautionary tales. Because the cultivation world deemed him unclean and evil, Wei Ying—barely an adult at the time—was pushed to death because he tried to save innocents who deserved to live.

The saddest thing of all is that he never defends himself. He'd defend the Wen Remnants and keep the Yin Tiger Tally out of the hands that would abuse it, but he never once tried to defend his own actions regarding demonic cultivation and why he uses it. He lets people assume the worst of him because he thinks he deserves it.

Jiang Cheng:

Okay, here's a complicated one! I'd like to start this with a message to all the Jiang Cheng haters and stans who claim that Jiang Cheng is purely good/bad and that the other is selectively reading the text: Congratulations, you're both reading the text selectively. Jiang Cheng is a complex characters who makes bad decisions and good decisions and has reasons for most of his actions, just like any well-developed character.

Jiang Cheng is perhaps the most tragic of all the characters. He was happy until Wei Ying came into the picture, and he had to adjust to another sibling in the house. Then his mother started to push him to be better than Wei Ying when he really doesn't want to, but he has to want it, because he can't afford to lose the love his mother gives him when his father ignores his existence exept for an occasional dissapointed glance. He has to show him as well, then he'll love both of them the same. His mother starts to double down on both Wei Ying and him, alienating them further, leaving Jiang Cheng isolated from most of his peers. He only had Wei Ying and Jiang Yanli, and maybe Nie Huaisang. That, along with the poor emotional processing he copied from his mother, causes him to drift further away from others his age and become more attached to Wei Ying, as he's his only friend at this point. He never learned how to properly socialize as a child, and doesn't see the point now, because Wei Ying promised to never leave. Another tragic part of Jiang Cheng is that I don't think he realized how he was trying to chain Wei Ying to him and Lotus Pier. I truly think that he was just desperate and lonely and didn't think about how their promise would affect Wei Ying's life.

When Wei Ying leaves with the Wen Remnants, Jiang Cheng was angry, confused, and terrified of losing Wei Ying, so much so that he was ready to take him back by force. I think that if circumstances had allowed it, he would've taken the Wen Remnants to Yunmeng just to get Wei Ying back because he's his only friend, the only one he has left after Yanli marries out.

I think a lot of Jiang Cheng's character is created from his crippling fear of being alone because he's never had to be before and it terrifies him. Madam Yu, as I explained earlier, was not a good emotional role model and only taught him to mask all of his other emotions and express everything through anger, which makes him come across as rude and asshole-y to others. Often, I see "Jiang Cheng character development" portrayed as Wei Ying learning to read into his anger, but that is NOT character development. Character development is having that man learn to express emotions other than rage and hate. Let him learn to show sadness, happiness, love, fear, all the things! Wei Ying shouldn't have to learn how to read his shouting, and Jiang Cheng should learn how to Emotion properly. This obviously wouldn't be an easy process, but it is something he could do if he pushed himself to, with the help of his family and friends.

Jiang Yanli:

Okay, so first of all, Jiang Yanli is our queen here, okay? I've seen people portray her as more on Wei Ying's side, or more on Jiang Cheng's side, or absent like Jiang Fengmian, and (in my opinion) that is Incorrect. Jiang Yanli is the glue that holds her family together. There is a reason they stayed together for so long, and it was Yanli. I see her as the eldest daughter who sees all the cracks in her family and tries desperately to fix them and put the pieces back together. Siblings suffering from a lack of a positive parental figure? Okay, she'll be the parental figure. An arranged marriage that will help her sect and make her mother happy with her (for once)? Alright, sure. A nephew or niece will surely bring her brothers together. She is also such a tragedy because she never once complains about having to do so much work to keep her family together. She just smiles and makes more soup and tries her best to mediate her brothers' latest argument. She's constantly fixing, mending, mediating, giving advice, and making her brothers smile, and it never shows. She had to give up her childhood to parent her brothers, and she never even mentions it. She gives her brothers both unconditional love and support and hopes it's enough. She may not understand everything they do, but she loves them and will never let them forget it. She tried so hard to keep her family together, and it wasn't enough. It might've been, if she had survived, but even then, Jiang Cheng and Wei Ying were already pretty at odds. Honestly, the most impressive thing about her is how she managed to be the perfect, loving, caring shijie to Jiang Cheng and Wei Ying without much parental guidance herself. Madam Yu was never happy with her and ignored her most of the time, and I assume Jiang Fengmian was her main parent until Wei Ying came into their lives and he diverted all his attention to him, which she never held against Wei Ying. She is one of the kindest, gentlest characters in mdzs, yet also one of the strongest.

So, that's my take on the Jiang Family! Remember this is just my opinion and take on these characters, and some of this is pure inference and educated guess, as we don't have a lot of canon evidence for what Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan's marriage pre-Wei Ying, and we also don't have a lot of info on the Jiang Family from pre Wei Ying and from when they were children, so I tried my best to fill in the gaps.

Hope you liked this! It's like 2 am where I am rn and I'm exhausted, so sorry if this doesn't make sense lol! I promise I'm still working on Chapter Four of my Yilling Wei Sect AU, I just took a break to write this cause I needed to get it out of my brain. I may do the other main sect families later this week too!

[leatherbookmarking]

i’m repeating myself but no seriously I Am Asking. where did people get the idea that as opposed to the novel where jgy and qs had sex before marriage and thus before the incest revelation, in cql he committed incest willingly and with full awareness? where. give me timestamps and solid arguments. i am waiting

[zykamiliah]

shen yuan likes yue qingyuan, the post

i've documented 19 moments featuring sy!shen qingqiu's feelings for yue qingyuan with the express purpose of showing those who think that sy!sqq doesn't like yqy that they are factually WRONG

this is a long one so buckle up, grab a snack, get a drink, etc etc

number one

as it's the usual with shen qingqiu, the first thing he notices in a man is whether he's handsome or not. and here you go: the first thing he sees upon waking up from getting isekai-ed is a handsome, elegant young man looking at him with concern. we do know how shen qingqiu likes that look on pretty men (he likes it a lot)

i also want to point out that yue qingyuan is the first pidw character shen yuan meets. he's already linked to him, not only because he's shen qingqiu's martial sibling, but he's also intrinsically tied to shen yuan's rebirth, to the moment he opens his eyes to the pidw world for the first time. keep this in mind.

number two

upon getting up to date on wtf happened to him and learning his new identity, the second thing shen qingqiu does is worry about yue qingyuan's fate. he doesn't even know him yet and is already giving him the blorbo treatment. why is that? oh, maybe because he likes him???

do you know how many characters shen yuan was "rather fond of"??? not that many i tell you. he's only derailed from worrying about whether he'll cause yue qingyuan's death because the system gives him a little sneak peek of the human stick scene.

so up to this point sy!shen qingqiu has characterized yue qingyuan as a brother type, an amicable, elegant and handsome man, a bleeding heart, too good for this world.

number three

now we add 'considerate' to the many praises shen qingqiu extols on yue qingyuan. the man has to be really busy with all the sect leader work he has to do and yet he makes time to visit shen qingqiu regularly. we know why yue qingyuan does that, but shen qingqiu won't learn about qijiu's backstory until much later, and right now it doesn't matter. the fact remains: shen qingqiu is grateful to the point of tears to have yue qingyuan. even if he doesn't talk about it, we can theorize that he feels a bit lonely: he's a stranger in a new world, like a newborn baby. he may be obsessed with luo binghe but at this point of the story he still hasn't got time to bond with him. so the person shen qingqiu first latches on immediately after his transmigration is yue qingyuan.

number four

"how dare that scumbag shen jiu not treat his shixiong like the god he is, with the kindness and respect he deserves? well i'm not the same, so i WILL treat yue qingyuan better!"

(it's the intention what counts, okay? we know he kind of fuck ups a few times and gives yqy much stress)

also love how shen qingqiu says "brotherly covenant", he really values familial bonds, and he'll come to treasure his bonds with all his martial siblings really quickly.

also, may i point out that shen qingqiu decides to be a good shidi for yue qingyuan and treat him well without any "ulterior motives"? it's not even tied to his survival. he's a kind person by nature, yes, but he doesn't even try to convince the reader that he's going to be a good martial sibling for selfish reasons, which was the case with liu qingge. he just up and decides that yue qingyuan deserves his respect and consideration. he officially adopts yue qingyuan as his big brother.

number five

"at home in the atmosphere of brotherly love", do i need to say more? yue qingyuan makes him feel at home in this new world, he's comfortable around him. his presence soothes shen qingqiu.

number six

furthermore, yue qingyuan reminds him of the brothers of his first life, but the sorrow he feels for losing them is overpowered by a "comforting sense of warmth" so great it makes him feel cheerful. this is the scene where yue qingyuan welcomes him back upon his arrival from the skinner demon incident. in that scene, the first thing they do is smile at each other. shen qingqiu is happy to see him.

he's surprised when yue qingyuan takes his wrist to examine his spiritual circulation, but when he notices what yue qingyuan is doing he instantly relaxes. yue qingyuan's touch doesn't bother him at all.

see how yue qingyuan's presence is often linked to feelings of comfort, warmth, home, brotherly love, joyfulness? keep this in mind too. don't you dare to forget it.

number seven

this is post-demon invasion, while they are discussing the effects of without a cure. shen qingqiu is making good on his word of treating yue qingyuan better than his predecessor, by tamping down yqy's tendency to blame himself for everything.

"i understand that yue qingyuan is genuinely worried about me, unlike SOME PEOPLE, so i have to reassure him in case he decides to be more stressed than normal"

bonus: 7.5

("the three of them" refers to shen qingqiu, mu qingfang and yue qingyuan)

i want to quote this part too, because i can, and because this scene in the donghua was 100% faithful to the novel. just another reminder that shen qingqiu likes martial siblings.

number eight

now we're coming to the siblings-coded moments

exhibit one: "oh oh i figured it out so i'll say it before you do"

i want to point out that shen qingqiu says "obviously", because from his POV yue qingyuan only does things for a good reason. shen qingqiu idolizes him.

number nine

siblings-coded moments exhibit two: "i know how to make you let me do what i want"

we've jumped 3 years, this is the prelude to jinlan arc, and this is how their relationship has evolved. shen qingqiu knows what he has to say for yue qingyuan to allow him to go to jinlan. this is a method he's used the past, of course, because this isn't the first mission he went on after getting poisoned or after the IAC.

+bonus: 9.5 yqy being a mother hen

(this is the day after lbh chased him around jinlan)

number ten

shen qingqiu has just been accused of abusing his disciple, consorting with demons, murder, and being demonic cultivator wu yanzi's disciple. yue qingyuan almost starts a fight right there and there because they want to take his shidi away, but shen qingqiu stops him and his other martial siblings before it can escalate.

he gives yue qingyuan a deep bow. we've already established he respects yue qingyuan a great deal. he's ashamed that he's caused yue qingyuan so much trouble and grief, because he really cares about him, and his opinion of him, and he genuinely didn't want to be like the original who made yue qingyuan suffer a lot. shen qingqiu cares about his sect, about his martial siblings, and about yue qingyuan to the point that he GIVES HIMSELF UP to be imprisoned.

this is plot relevant! remember it, because shen qingqiu only feels ashamed and guilty when he thinks he has wronged the people he loves!

on that note:

number eleven

(this is when luo binghe is laying siege to qiong ding to recover sqq's stolen body and sqq, in the mushroom body, sees his sect siblings for the first time after five years)

number twelve, AKA THE ULTIMATE QUOTE

"the one who placed first" YOU HEAR THAT? YUE QINGYUAN IS THE PERSON HE ADMIRES AND REVERES THE MOST. AND NOT BECAUSE HE LOVED SHEN QINGQIU, IT'S NOT AN ADMIRATION BORN OF A SELFISH FEELING. it's because yue qingyuan is The Protector. THE BLEEDING HEART. he admires his kindness, his self-sacrificing nature, and even if shen qingqiu doesn't know, this are traits they have in common.

number thirteen

siblings-coded exhibit 3: when your other little brother tattles on you to your older brother and you're planning revenge

Remaining seated, Yue Qingyuan looked at him. “A lot of nonsense you’ve stirred up these days,” he said mildly. “Are you done?” Yue Qingyuan had never assumed such a severe attitude when speaking to him before, even going so far as to use a word like “nonsense.” This was already the equivalent of a flogging. It seemed that Liu Qingge had badmouthed him quite thoroughly. Shen Qingqiu swore that one day he’d steal Cheng Luan and use it to chop all the pork hock in all the kitchens of the Twelve Peaks. He’d chop until the oily sheen smothered all its sword glares!

so yue qingyuan being mad at you feels like the equivalent of a flogging. i get you sqq. like when my mom or my brother are mad at me i really feel like crying. anyway. it's hilarious that sqq is planning on stealing chen luan because liu qingge allegedly tattled on him to yue qingyuan.

it's obvious that shen qingqiu recognizes yue qingyuan as a figure of authority in his life, he respects him and as i said before, he cares about what yue qingyuan thinks of him.

number fourteen

we know that shen qingqiu's unconscious actions say a lot about him as a person, and the fact that he unconsciously took a step towards yue qingyuan speaks volumes. he's practically wavering between following yue qingyuan or staying with luo binghe.

this will not be the first time he hesitates to go with luo binghe on the face of yue qingyuan's request/order to stay with him. and in this case, he does stay with cang qiong because the situation has gotten pretty bad.

He didn’t know how long he could hold the others off, and he absolutely couldn’t abandon this mess of a situation and escape with Luo Binghe. Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge had been brazen with their show of bias, and Wu Wang was already furious. Either Shen Qingqiu or Luo Binghe had to stay behind, or open conflict would erupt between Zhao Hua Monastery and Cang Qiong Mountain.

yue qingyuan and liu qingge just protected him in front of everyone, so he chooses to stay with them. shen qingqiu is incredibly loyal to them, and most importantly, he doesn't want cang qiong mountain to get into trouble because of him.

this is as good a moment to remind you all that in a lot of instances cqm = yqy in shen qingqiu's mind. obviously there is also the other peak lords and the disciples, but this is important. it isn't just because yqy is the sect leader. yue qingyuan was the first martial sibling he met, the one that welcomed him to the world of pidw and the one that kept him company those first days post-transmigration.

+ bonus: siblings coded exhibit 4:

yqy, out loud so others hear: you're grounded also yqy, whispering: let's have dinner and watch a movie once we get home, what do you want for dessert?

i can't stop laughing

+ bonus 2: parallelisms

(this moment is right after shen qingqiu has learned of shen jiu's past and woke up after being unconscious for 5 days)

When he next opened them, what filled his vision instead was a white bed curtain, its corners decorated with tassels. At the sudden change in scenery, Shen Qingqiu froze in place, surprised and unable to react—at least not before he heard Yue Qingyuan’s voice beside him. “Awake?” Shen Qingqiu mechanically blinked a couple times. His throat felt a bit dry, but he forced out his voice. “Zhangmen-shixiong.” (...) Shen Qingqiu awkwardly sat up. Suddenly, he thought this scene was a little familiar. The first time he’d woken in this world, Yue Qingyuan had also been at his bedside, watching over him.

number fifteen

so shen qingqiu knows he can get away with disobeying yue qingyuan and doing whatever he wants because yqy will forgive him anyway, and yet he chooses to respect yqy's decision and authority. of course he'll later convince yue qingyuan that he should allow him to go, like he's done many times before, but he won't deliberately disobey his zhangmen-shixiong.

so later, when they're on their way to maigu ridge, he tries to convince yqy that he must go with them. this is when yue qingyuan gets THIS CLOSE to locking him up in qiong ding hall.

now this is officially the only time yue qingyuan has done something remotely yandere-y adjacent. and not without reason! shen qingqiu died by self-detonation, then he returned after 5 years, then he was taken by a demon emperor, then he spent 5 days unconscious etc etc. he's admittedly very worried that shen qingqiu will die on him again, this time without a miraculous return. and the best thing? shen qingqiu doesn't know what to do. he didn't know whether to reach with his sword or not, whether to fight yue qingyuan on this or not. he wants to listen to yue qingyuan, but he also wants to go save the world.

and EVEN when he's finally allowed to go to Luo River, he hesitates again when he notices yue qingyuan may be struggling!

number sixteen

the reveal at maigu ridge's scene is really long, quoting it all would be a complete nightmare. so i'll just tell you to go read it because it reiterates some of the things i've already pointed out:

-shen qingqiu worrying about yue qingyuan

Thinking he was fine, Shen Qingqiu let go, but once he did, Yue Qingyuan didn’t remain standing for long before he unexpectedly collapsed again. Shen Qingqiu blanched with shock, then hurried to help him up again. “Zhangmen-shixiong? Zhangmen-shixiong?” After a brief examination, even with his superficial medical knowledge, he could tell that Yue Qingyuan’s current condition was horrible.

-shen qingqiu feeling guilty for causing yue qingyuan trouble

-shen qingqiu almost crying because of qijiu's tragic story and because it breaks his heart seeing yue qingyuan like this

number seventeen

i pointed out earlier that shen qingqiu idolizes yue qingyuan, and this is the first time he sees him so weak, which understandably makes him panic a lot. shen qingqiu thinks yue qingyuan is being talkative because he's dying, but shen qingqiu is having none of it

sobs shen qingqiu is so desperate to keep him alive.

+ bonus 3: yet again shen qingqiu's heart breaking for yue qingyuan

number eighteen

shen qingqiu, post-maigu ridge, wakes up, and upon remembering that he'd left zhangmen-shixiong in a pretty bad situation, he runs out of the lingxi caves in a panic.

you don't know how much this scene makes me feel

like, the moment luo binghe is out of the picture, yue qingyuan's safety becomes his main worry

then when he finally sees him, he's so happy that yqy is fine!

number nineteen: the goodbye scene

But even though he was the sect leader, Yue Qingyuan didn’t go with them. Instead, he stood in place, silently staring at Shen Qingqiu. For some reason, it became comparatively more awkward. As if testing the waters, Yue Qingyuan said, “Xiao-Jiu…” “Shixiong,” said Shen Qingqiu, “it’s Qingqiu.” Even though it would be too difficult to tell Yue Qingyuan the truth, Shen Qingqiu still hoped he could demonstrate the difference in other ways. Yue Qingyuan was stunned for a bit, then gave a small smile. “It’s Qingqiu. Qingqiu-shidi.”

i think this is the first time they've ever been awkward with each other. shen qingqiu says it would be difficult to tell him the truth, whether because the system won't allow him or because it'd be emotionally stressful for him to do so we don't know; but he still wants to mark the difference between the original and himself anyway, because he doesn't want to deceive yue qingyuan.

“What are your plans for the future?” asked Yue Qingyuan. “I have no plans for the time being,” said Shen Qingqiu. “First I’ll wait for Luo Binghe to return and see how he’s doing.” Yue Qingyuan smiled. “You truly adore that disciple.” Shen Qingqiu was searching for a way to answer when Yue Qingyuan said, “Shidi, Cang Qiong Mountain will forever be a place to which you can return whenever you tire of wandering the outside world.” These words were said with utmost sincerity and solemnity. Yue Qingyuan had always been this way. Whatever he promised, he would definitely deliver. And what he couldn’t deliver, he would endeavor to make up for, no matter the cost.

after learning of his past, after all that's happened, shen qingqiu's admiration remains unwavering. their relationship has become more complicated on account of the ghost that haunts it, but if anything, shen qingqiu's feelings for yue qingyuan have only deepened with this new understanding.

After assuming the role of this novel character, Shen Qingqiu had always refused to become the scum villain from the original work. He’d drawn a clear boundary between them and taken great pride in walking the opposite path. So never before had he felt such a powerful and impulsive thought: If only he really were Shen Jiu. If only that person could really hear these words.

but his heart still breaks for yue qingyuan and shen jiu and what they have lost.

[Luo Binghe] stood utterly alone, without a single person beside him. When the people walking past saw his face, their own faces filled with all sorts of expressions. Shen Qingqiu involuntarily ran forward a couple of steps, then turned his head to look at the person behind him. “Go on,” said Yue Qingyuan. He stood behind Shen Qingqiu, silent and with good grace. It was as if one was the past and the other the future.

this is the last interaction between shen qingqiu and yue qingyuan in the main novel. before leaving with luo binghe, he turns back and silently asks for yue qingyuan's permission, his approval.

it's like getting your family's blessing before running off with your paramour.

this is yue qingyuan to shen qingqiu: the person that stood by his side from the moment he was reborn into the world of proud immortal demon way, the steadfast, strong and reliable older brother that gave him a family and a place to call his, that has fought for and defended him against all his enemies to the detriment of his own reputation. shen qingqiu respects, admires and will try to do what yue qingyuan says, because he's the only authority figure shen qingqiu recognizes in this life. even if yue qingyuan's care was born out of his feelings for shen jiu, shen qingqiu can't stop caring for him, being grateful for his presence and the comfort it gave him throughout all these years. even after learning the truth, his only regret is that he can't bring shen jiu back so yue qingyuan and him can get some closure.

that's love, my dudes.

[nutcasewithaknife]

I've been obsessed with Jiang Cheng since halfway through my first watch of cql, and here's why. He always keeps doing better than I expect him to.

(wow, this got long. rest is under the cut!)

He's introduced as the brother-killer, the ruthless sect leader with a reputation for being merciless. Then cut to the flashback, a Jiang Cheng who is fifteen, surrounded by his sister and brother and happy about it, occasionally doing stupid teenager things, trying so very hard to be Ideal Heir, while Wei Wuxian is the prodigy that keeps stealing his thunder effortlessly. And you go, "oh, I know this story. It's a tragedy, because these brothers loved each other once, but one's ambition will eventually breed jealousy which will fester into hate and end, tragically, in the death of the better half." It's Cain and Abel! You've seen how it ends, it's the first scene you see, of course that's where it's going!

And then you see how the three siblings help each other survive a frankly horrible and abusive household. They try to do for each other what their parents couldn't; Yanli tries to be their mother, Jiang Cheng doesn't believe the rumours about Wei Wuxian being jfm's illegitimate son or hold it against him as he very easily could've learnt to from his mother, and Wei Wuxian does his darned best to get jfm to acknowledge and love his son as he does for Wei Wuxian.

You keep waiting for the other shoe to drop!! Yunmeng burns, Jiang Cheng chokes his brother in the rain, and you think this is it, this is where it finally breaks. But he sticks with his brother and sister, he makes some stupid decisions in his grief and pays dearly for it. When he wakes up without a core he is broken, his 'ambition' is destroyed, and you remember him choke his brother and think this is it, and then... it isn't. Other than the one grieving rant in the rain, he never blames his brother for their loss, never demands that he fix it all. When Wei Wuxian does come with a solution, Jiang Cheng doesn't act like it's something he was owed. It's his brother, his brilliant genius brother, who miraculously fixed this impossible thing! He's the most Jiang of them all, of course he achieved the impossible!

And then he's the young sect leader in a bloody war, needing to win, needing to prove his worth and his sect's worth at every turn. This is where he becomes the ruthless, powerful man we meet in the first few episodes! Only.... he finds Wen Qing, who is the enemy in the eyes of the Jianghu, and offers to protect her (only her because he knows his limits, he can't protect all her people and his own, and his duty to his sect is first). He goes looking for his brother, months on end, haggard to the bone.

Then Wei Wuxian shows up wielding a power that's the worst taboo in their world, a power frighteningly similar to the power-drunk villain that they war is being waged against! He's doing unspeakable things, terrible torture in the name of revenge! Ah, so this is what it finally is! The moment they finally fall out for good, where Jiang Cheng cannot abide to tarnish his sect's reputation with Wei Wuxian's, and their love turns to hate.

But.... Jiang Cheng sees what he's done, and the first thing he does is to hug him tight. He asks about Wei Wuxian not carrying his sword, but even after the diplomatic nightmare of a war council, Jiang Cheng is just worrying. It's the most open, the most honest we've seen him so far, and he is concerned for his brother. He shuts it down when Jin Zixun tries to pick a fight. He takes responsibility for the person everyone's wary of, because that's his brother and he trusts him! He's hiding things, yes, but one day he will be ready to talk and Jiang Cheng will wait till then.

Then the war's won (by Wei Wuxian, of course!) and he has a sect to rebuild. And his brother is not at his side. First he's slacking off and drinking around town, then he runs away with the Wens to the Burial Mounds. It's terrible for the sect's and Jiang Cheng's own precarious position in Jianghu. Surely, this is the last thread of Jiang Cheng's love for his brother, the beginning of the man we were introduced to? But it's fucking not! Yes, he's frustrated. Yes, he's mad. And yet, he doesn't force his sister into a diplomatically advantageous marriage (which I strongly believe is the bare minimum of being a decent human being, but is something that wouldn't have been a questionable or dishonourable thing for him to do in the culture and world this story is set in) because she is not a pawn and he respects her choice above the politics! He tries to defend his First Disciple, his brother, and is overshadowed by much more powerful leaders who are bigoted and/or afraid of his power. And when it all goes to shit, they fight! This is the end of it, surely? But no! It's all fake! They fight, make up a lie about how the Yunmeng Jiang has supressed Wei Wuxian and his Wens in the Burial Mounds so they can live without being under attack for however long, and then have shady meetups to discuss their nephew's name!!

In the carnage of Nightless City, their sister dies at his hands, and the horrible realisation dawns that this is what pushes them over the brink, literally. And then!! AND THEN!!!!! EVEN THEN IT WASN'T ENOUGH FOR HIM TO KILL HIS BROTHER!!! The first scene was a lie, WEI WUXIAN HAD TO THROW HIMSELF OFF!!!!!! And when he's finally back, what does Jiang Cheng do? Kill him? ban him from ever returning to their home? No! He wants to drag him back home and make him apologise, explain himself!!

A lot of this is very focused on the brothers, but even outside of that, Jiang Cheng keeps subverting the expectations that the story builds for him right in the beginning. For all the talks of 'disciplining' his nephew (which could unquestionably entail some form of corporal punishment, as we see in other parts of the story) and the childhood Jiang Cheng himself had, the idea of his Jiujiu raising his hand against him is unthinkable to the point of incredulity for Jin Ling. When Jin Ling has his breakdown over Suihua on the Lotus Pier docks, I was full bracing myself for Jiang Cheng to yell at him for crying in public without any shame or dignity, but what does he do? Calls his nephew to his side and demands to know who made him cry, so he can fucking wreck them for daring to do that! He has a mere day to process the Golden Core reveal, and after all the yelling, he actually apologises to his brother!!

Then, in the mother of all sucker-punch moments, we find out that the one grief-riddled, frustrating moment of apparent stupidity whose domino effect this entire thing has been, was in fact Jiang Cheng willingly sacrificing himself, sect be damned, to save his brother and sister. And like!! How do you have such a character who simultaneously is and is not what he seems to be!!!

I (and a lot of the audience) immediately played into the simple brotherhood-destroyed-by-jealousy plot that it seems to be at first, but that's the intention! The entire story keeps showing how misleading, how vicious rumours can be and how horribly it can affect who someone is in the eyes of society. We see this happen in the story, of course, but the narrative also relies on the audience to make the same mistake, to take the tropes that seem obviously implied at the start, and then unravels the true complexity of the story as it moves forward. We got played by the narrative and it was so worth it!! Wei Wuxian is the prime example, of course, but cql (and mdzs from what I gather, though I haven't read the books) does it with such nuance and brilliance for Jiang Cheng, how do you not immediately lose your entire mind about it for the rest of forever!!!!!

[asideoftrashplease]

A reminder to those going "WWX gave up so much for JC and JC still chose his sect over WWX"

"JC chose preserving YMJ over WWX" is a single act. But the truth is that he was choosing WWX over his sect CONSTANTLY for years before that.

He chose WWX over YMJ when he got his core destroyed saving WWX. When he chose to save WWX, he chose WWX's life over his own life, his sect, his parent's legacy, and the WEIGHT of his ENTIRE lineage resting on him alone. His parents JUST DIED to make sure he lived to continue the bloodline and to bring back YMJ. He chose WWX over YMJ when people started shit talking WWX about not carrying his sword and the demonic cultivation, and he continued to stand by WWX with little more than a "carry your sword next time". How many times did he hear people saying that WWX was a black mark on YMJ, and he refused to cast WWX out or to even CENSURE him in front of an audience. Even when he's BOILING on the inside because WWX broke the Wen remnants out without telling him first, he defends WWX against other people, and stands up for WWX's cause, even when he has difficulty believing in it himself. He sticks his neck out, as the youngest sect leader who people still see as a child, speaking against his elders -- JGS, NMJ, LQR, and EVERYONE ELSE, to explain WWX's actions in breaking out the Wens. Even when he's FURIOUS and HURT that WWX did all this without (from his POV) any care for JC, the sect, and the hard spot he's now in.

JC chose WWX for years and years and years. "JC chose his sect and position over WWX" was a single act. But for years before that, he was making the continuous and repeated decision to choose WWX over his own position, pride, reputation, and sect.

From his POV, it felt like he was choosing WWX over and over and OVER again, and WWX could never be bothered to choose him even ONCE in return. And that's the crux of the betrayal, and why he eventually turned on WWX. It was: "I would have died for you. I DIED FOR YOU. I was tortured and mutilated and burnt. I defended you and stuck my neck out for you. I put myself and YMJ in the line of fire for years."

"And you don't give a shit about me."

And the tragedy is that WE KNOW THAT ISN'T TRUE. We know that WWX is not carrying his sword not because he doesn't care about what others think, and not because he doesn't care that they are giving YMJ and JC a hard time because of it. It's because he lost his core and can't fight back if he's challenged to a duel.

We know that he broke out the Wen remnants largely because he owes WN and WQ a HUGE life debt, huger than the one he actually tells JC about (i.e. they helped us get back JFM and YZY's bodies). He owes them a life debt for restoring JC's core.

But JC doesn't know that.

And so, the crux of the betrayal is "I chose you for years and years but you never chose me even once." I believe those were the underlying feelings behind JC leading the siege: betrayal, hurt, and misunderstandings.

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

No simping in the Cloud Recesses!!

I received permission to write a ficlet based off this amazing post by the lovely @lovewanxian and this is the result. They're working on their own fic on the same premise, so make sure to give them some love when they post it <3

I had a lot of fun writing this and drank a lot of water to quench the thirst. It didn't work, but I highly recommend hydration - and have fun!

Lan Sizhui is suffering.

Now before you get up in arms about who to kill, it's not that kind of suffering. Nobody's trying to kill him and Lan Jingyi's pranks have yet to land him in the infirmary - the suffering that's plaguing Lan Sizhui is spiritual.

No, it's not a qi deviation, although he is quite sure he's heading that way far too quickly for his age and skill level. And he didn't get cursed either - hm, well, that's debatable in the circumstances - but the point is, his suffering isn't caused by anything that's related to cultivation or any outside interference.

Lan Sizhui is suffering because all his friends are simping.

But that's normal teenage boy behavior, you might argue. Teenagehood is, virtually, the best age to simp, it's basically in the job description for the ages between 13 and 19.

Fair, but Lan Sizhui's friends are simping over Senior Wei, who is twice their age, married and one of Sizhui's beloved father figures. See the issue yet?

Imagine all your friends do all day is lament over how much they want your dad to "punish" them, how hot his ghostly cultivation is and how much they wish he'd turn them into fierce corpses - Sizhui suffering makes sense now, doesn't it?

And he's been through this before. His friends' first crush has largely been Hanguang-Jun. Understandable - Sizhui has eyes, and he can admit he's attractive, objectively speaking.

To Sizhui, he's been the closest thing to a parent for many years, so thinking of him as anything less is weird - but facts are facts. Hanguang-Jun is powerful, domineering, but kind and supportive. These are all attractive features.

Sizhui has long grown used to Jingyi fangirling over him, and to the self-insert fic black market he ran out of their room from ages 12 to 15. He's done handstands for days to atone for it, and has made peace with it.

Of course, all juniors have kept some degree of Hanguang-Jun worship and, as the female disciples put it, "fanny flutters", but the crushing has evolved into admiration rather than infatuation and Sizhui only has to deal with number one Hanguang-Jun stan fluttering over his dad.

And then Senior Wei came about and Sizhui's peace of mind has gone to hell.

Disclaimer for all of you clutching your pearls right now: Sizhui loves Senior Wei very much and is infinitely grateful to have him back, has even slipped and called him "baba" a few times. The problem doesn't lay with Senior Wei at all.

The problem lays with the entirety of the Lan junior population (please let it be just the juniors, if the seniors simp over Senior Wei too, Sizhui's going to defect) being shameless about a man that's treated them as nothing less than his unofficially adopted children.

And how do they show their gratitude? By lusting over him and moaning about how lucky Hanguang-Jun is to bed him every night.

Lan Sizhui is suffering.

---

Lan Wangji is suffering.

No, he isn't dying, cursed, qi deviating or having to sit through sect leader Yao's rants - he's being Wei Ying's teacher assistant for his introductory talisman course.

It may sound confusing - how could that be a cause for suffering? Lan Wangji loves his husband and being around him, finds his inventions fascinating and likes helping him. So what's the issue?

The issue is that literally nobody in that whole entire classroom is paying any attention to the lesson. Sword to their neck, he is positive neither of them would be able to recall not even the past five minutes of talisman theory.

But ask them anything about Wei Ying and they'd rant for hours. And Lan Wangji doubts it would be a respectful rant.

Because the Lan juniors may not be paying attention to talismans, but by God are they paying attention to their teacher. Lan Wangji can virtually see the hearts in their eyes and the bloodflow directing down south - and he hates it. Wei Ying is being such a thorough teacher, he's putting his heart and soul into it, but his class seems fascinated only with the robes he wears, the way he moves, and they nearly break their necks to look at him when he turns his back to write something on the blackboard.

(Okay, Lan Wangji does too, sue him, that's his husband, he's allowed.)

Point is, these kids are entirely undisciplined. Lusting after seniors is not explicitly forbidden in the rules, but Lan Wangji is going to suggest his uncle adds it to the list. This way, he can hand harsh punishments fairly. Nobody is allowed to have horny thoughts about his husband except for him.

And it's not like the kids are being subtle about it either.

Here's an exmple.

Wei Ying's just finished demonstrating the penmanship for a banishing talisman, and encouraged the students to try it themselves, as he would walk among them and offer help where needed.

Everyone - everyone except Sizhui and Jingyi - needed help. Even those that Lan Wangji knew to be specialized in talisman work.

Everyone needed Senior Wei to take their hand in his, lean closely and direct their brush strokes. Everyone needed to be spoken to softly and encouraged to try again.

Lan Wangji has broken two brushes already and he's probably going to move to breaking fingers next.

One of the students, Lan Yichen, Hanguang-Jun's third favorite after his two ducklings (yes, they're his favorites, no, nobody knows and this doesn't cloud his judgement, yes, they're his ducklings), raised his hand and called for "teacher Wei" (Lan Wangji glares his way, but of course the little horny bastard has no time to look anywhere but at Wei Ying).

"What's wrong?" Wei Ying very obliviously asks and Lan Wangji feels the wood of his third brush crack in his grip.

"I really don't know why this talisman won't burn correctly..." Lan Yichen whines, looking up at his senior through his lashes, pathetic and submissive.

Lan Wangji will have him copy the rules about propriety fourty times.

Wei Ying looks over his shoulder at his talisman, and doesn't see the way the boy leans into his scent just a little bit, his cheeks dusting red at the close contact.

Lan Wangji fights the urge to grip Bichen. He can't kill a kid. Come on.

Wei Ying takes the brush from his hand and glides it once over the talisman paper. He smiles encouragingly at Yichen, who's managed to make himself look borderline tearful. "Let's try it together now."

"T-Together?"

Lan Wangji is a strong man. Self-disciplined, in control. He doesn't know how much longer he'll be able to stop himself from - what was the word Jingyi used... ah yes - yeeting that young man all the way to his home sect.

"I'll send in some of my spiritual energy, and you send in the rest. Let's see if anything cool happens, yeah?"

The boy looks like he's won the lottery. Lan Wangji can see it behind the sopping wet cat look. The brush in his hand is halfway broken now.

The talisman lights up blue and dissipates.

"Wow!" Lan Yichen shouts, as if he hasn't been using talismans for the past 5-7 years of his cultivation career. "You're so good at this, teacher Wei!"

Wei Ying laughs and pats the boy's head before returning to his teaching desk. Behind him, the boy looks like he's just ascended. Or had an orgasm.

Either way, Lan Wangji breaks his brush in little smithereens and tries talking himself out of murder.

"These kids are so distracted today." Wei Ying sighs. "I knew I shouldn't have taken you with me, all they do is look at you."

It takes all Lan Wangji has not to side eye his husband.

---

Lan Sizhui walks into his room after having tea with his dads - they always have tea together before night hunts, a little ritual to lift their spirits and... well, for a last memory if something bad happens. It's a risk of the job, after all, though it's highly unlikely, considering how powerful both Hanguang-Jun and Senior Wei are.

So, Sizhui happily returns to his room to get ready and finds several of his friends all over the place, looking much like the backstage to a courtesan show. Some are struggling on deciding which robes to put on, others fight for natural light to powder their faces and the rest struggle with hairstyles.

"Hello, people who do not live here. Where's Jingyi?"

"Getting scolded for calling sect leader Nie cunty to his face at the last discussion conference." One of the boys, Lan Haoran, answers, blending the powder into his skin to hide acne scars. "He's not allowed to come to the night hunt with us."

"That's a compliment." Sizhui replies, and barely manages to reach his wardrobe for clothes in the mess.

"Tell that to teacher Lan Qiren."

"Anyway, what are you guys doing here?"

"Getting ready for the night hunt, duh!" Another, Lan Lixin, says, fixing a golden hairpiece in his bun.

"And since when does night hunting entail a makeover?"

"You want us to look like shit with Senior Wei around?!" Lan Tao exclaims, emerging from the bathroom in a delicately ornate set of light blue robes. "We have to look presentable."

Sizhui rolls his eyes. "You know he only has eyes for Hanguang-Jun."

"It's worth a try." Lan Lixin says, taking a final look in the mirror. "And anyway, last time he said he liked my hairpin, so what more could a man want from life?"

Sizhui takes in a deep breath to calm down. "And why are you lot here instead of your own rooms?"

"Your room has the best lighting." Lan Haoran responds. "God, I really need to invest in some skincare."

"Anyways, do you guys think we'll get to see Senior Wei control the Ghost General this time?" Lan Tao asks.

There are three dreamy sighs in response.

"I wish he'd control me like that. He wouldn't even need Chenqing, I'd just do anything he wanted stat."

"Same. I love when he gets all serious, I'd love him to get like that with me~"

"You guys realize I'm right here, right?"

---

Wei Ying saves his third Lan junior of the night and he's starting to grow tired. Of course, he doesn't expect them to be able to take on a night hunt independently and succeed at it, he's quite sure they've never been so uncoordinated before.

The strings of the guqin vibrate loudly and the fierce corpses kneel, growling in pain. Wei Ying rushes to pluck yet another child from their grasps and sends a burst of resentful energy their way. "It's alright, I got you."

The boy in his arms whines and hides further in Wei Ying's chest. He didn't get hurt that badly, but Wei Ying figures it must have been terrifying for him to be nearly torn into, so his reaction is understandable.

He gently lays the boy against a tree, wipes some dirt off his face and sends him a reassuring smile. "It's all right now, you're safe."

"Thank you, senior Wei..."

Lan Wangji rolls his eyes as his fingers move over the guqin. Who knew the Lan have so many aspiring actors in their ranks?

Wei Ying lifts Chenqing to his lips and a shrill tune fills the silence. The fierce corpses writhe at the sound, and, holding the flute with one hand, Wei Ying sends three talismans to immobilize them.

A nod is all it takes for Hanguang-Jun to send Bichen their way.

"Wow..." the "injured" juniors exclaim, eyes fixated on senior Wei, his eyes glowing red and expression determined.

Sizhui, who's unfortunately been delegated to tend to their wounds, fastens a bandage a bit too hard on one of his friends, pulling his attention away.

"You lot are being ridiculous. You could've gotten killed."

Lan Tao clutches his arm, eyes full of horny ideas as he stares at the way Senior Wei sends resentful tendrils towards the fierce corpses. "I wonder what else he can do with those."

"You know what, I'm going to kill you myself actually."

"What's your issue, Sizhui? It's not like it's our fault senior Wei is a DILF." Lan Lixin huffs.

"I do not want to know what that means."

"It means dad I'd like to fu-"

Lan Lixin finds his lips glued together. Hanguang-Jun sends him an icy look. "Stop talking. Conserve your energy."

"Serves you right." Sizhui mumbles. "I was wondering when Hanguang-Jun will do something about you horn dogs."

Lan Lixin glares meaningfully at him, but Sizhui pretends not to see it.

"You guys need to stop thirsting after my family. Hanguang-Jun, now Senior Wei, who's next, the Ghost General?"

The boys appear to actually be considering the possibility and Sizhui barely stops himself from liberally smacking the backs of their heads.

At least Hanguang-Jun and Senior Wei have slain all the fierce corpses, and the night hunt is over.

If he has to see his friends act so pathetic for attention again, Sizhui is going to just jump in horde of fierce corpses sword-less.

---

"Ahh, Lan Zhan, you were even more beastly than usual today!" Wei Ying whines as he takes his rightful place on his husband's chest. "I'm not complaining, of course, but what brought this on?"

Lan Wangji decides not to answer, placing a possessive arm around Wei Ying's waist underneath the covers. "Mine."

"Yours, always." Wei Ying leaves a soft kiss on Lan Zhan's neck. "Hey, did you set up the silencing talismans before we started? I don't remember anymore."

"...yes."

Wei Ying hums and burrows further into Lan Zhan's chest, pliant and sleepy. "Good, good, we would've probably kept the whole inn awake if you hadn't."

---

The juniors' dark eyebags the next morning and their refusal to look either of their seniors in the eyes is peculiar.

But who can understand the youth these days, really?

[thepurplewombat]

Why was WRH so stupid?

I've been thinking about this for a while and like, WRH's actions were deeply stupid in a way that turned the whole cultivation world against him in self-defence when, with a bit more patience, he could have wiped out all the Great Clans within five or so years and set himself up as a petty-Emperor of the cultivation world.

If I was WRH, this is how I would do it.

A ten-step plan for world domination.

Step 1: don't attack Cloud Recesses. The pretext was dumb and nobody bought it. Send a polite invitation to a Wen Study Term just like Cloud Recesses'. A POLITE ONE! The clans will acquiesce because nobody wants to rock the boat.

2: now you have to decide whether you want to go after the Jiang, the Lan, or both. I would recommend choosing one - both is too ambitious. The Nie are not an option for reasons that will become clear. I would recommend the Jiang.

3: kill Wen Chao. He's useless anyway, but he's still the son of the sect leader.

4: frame Jiang Cheng (not WWX - WWX can be disavowed, but Jiang Cheng is the sect heir, his actions are, to an extent, the actions of the Jiang Sect) for the death of Wen Chao. It doesn't have to be murder, although it would be best if WC could pick a bunch of fights with JC beforehand so that whatever 'night hunting accident' he dies in can be spun as JC deliberately getting him killed out if rage. (now we see why the Nie are not an option. Nobody would believe that NHS murdered Wen Chao, and if WC got killed on a night hunt because of NHS' incompetence, the Nie can easily say that the Wen knew that Second Young Master Nie is not suited to night hunting so why was he there in the first place? Not that NMJ would do that because the loss of face would probably send him into qi deviation, but best not let it come up)

4a: Massacre the Jiang. Nobody is going to object - and if they do, they won't do it loudly. The loss of a son and heir - because WC is still in the succession, I believe? - is sufficient pretext that nobody is going to object too loudly. If you want to be super practical you can just kill the Jiang inner Disciples and take the sect for yourself, but I feel like WRH does have the manpower to take Lotus Pier and keep industry flowing with civilian labor. No need to risk hostile cultivators at his back.

5: we are now one Great Sect down, and no war. Everyone is kind of 👀 about it because they never thought their own tactics would be turned against a Great Sect like this, but there is sufficient precedent that nobody wants to object too loudly.

6: now you wait. Move too soon and you could scare the Lan and the Nie into uniting against you, and you don't want that. While you're waiting, you consolidate your hold on Yunmeng, bringing the smaller sects in the region under your banner. Nothing to see here, just doing what sects do. Make sure your relations with the Jin remain good. Jin Guangshan won't cause any trouble for you if you don't cause any trouble for him.

7: choose whether to go after the Lan or the Nie next. I recommend the Lan, because the Unclean Realm is a tough nut to crack.

8: attack the Lan. Kill everyone - but most especially you want to kill everyone in the line of succession. You don't want Lan Xichen or Lan Wangji rallying people against you later on. A pretext would be useful for this, but at this point is not entirely necessary. Don't burn the library, you idiot.

9: you are now left with the Nie and the Jin among the great clans. This is good because they don't get along, and also Jin Guangshan is useless. Besiege the Unclean Realm. You don't have to go frontal assault, just keep them bottled up in their nice little fortress where you can pick them off at your leisure. This may take a few years, but once they are sufficiently weakened you can take them out.

10: CONGRATULATIONS!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! Important things must be said three times! World domination is now yours! The Jin are the only Great Sect left, and they won't dare move against you and can't unite the smaller clans (whom I hope you have been treating well as you unite them under the Wen. You have been treating them well, right?) . At some point later, you can take them out if you wanted, but it's not necessary. I'd recommend taking care of Jin Zixuan, who is likely to bear a grudge and is an honorable idiot who won't take well to having a Wen boot on his neck. Jin Zixun will be much more amenable.

There are some people who might see your plan and derail it - primarily NHS and Meng Yao. NHS is unlikely to be able to do much since nobody will listen to him, although if both he and Meng Yao are in the Unclean Realm they might be able to convince NMJ to take action before the attack on the Lan can happen. I would recommend convincing JGS that a spare heir is never a bad idea (if this works you can always get Meng Yao installed as head of the Jin later - if he knows you're the one who convinced JGS to take him on he will be loyal to you, and if JGS and Co treat him as they did in canon he will not object overmuch if you kill him, and might even do it for you). If that doesn't work, kill him.

[a-mere-dream]

For the prompts thing: Shen Yuan and Shen Jiu are the same person and Yue Qingyuan is aware of this, so he has no idea what to make of Shen Qingqiu telling him about the transmigration and that he’s not Shen Jiu

Anon, this AU has existed in a dusty corner of my notes app for far too long. Thanks for giving me an excuse to write it.

So Shen Qingqiu has some questions. First of all, is this even Proud Immortal Demon Way? It must be, right? Because the larger strokes all mesh, even if the details... don't.

It's hard to explain. Have you ever read one of those exaggerated whump fanfics? The ones where the Protagonist suffers left and right, and teachers and parents and basically Every Adult Ever is an abusive piece of shit? Shit's dark and people die.

And then, eventually, you return to the source material. And sure, things suck, but definitely not to that degree.

That is what Shen Qingqiu is feeling right now. It's like Proud Immortal Demon Way is an edgy teenager's fanfic of some nicer, kinder world, and that world is where Shen Qingqiu ended up. Somehow.

Because he asks Yue Qingyuan where Binghe is, and he is told that the boy is in the dorms, since it's late and he needs to get a good night's sleep in order to properly participate in tomorrow's lessons. And when he meets Liu Qingge, it is not in some kind of battle to the death, but because the man kicked in the door and told him he lost his fan again. He smiles, and doesn't get an OOC warning--once, he even gets told to lighten up a little or it'd be suspicious!

Don't get him wrong, he's not complaining. It's very nice to be able to meet the Protagonist when he's looking happy and healthy! But... No, there's not even a but. It's nice, period.

Time passes, and Shen Qingqiu learns to relax.

Shen Qingqiu--the old Shen Qingqiu, the Original Goods--still seems to have been a strict teacher. If you ask around, you'll hear he rarely talks to people, that he's always cold and distant and has the nerves of a spooked deer.

But you'll also hear that he is an innovative genius at teaching, and that his punishments are fair and educative. No beatings. Ever. He doesn't believe in them, apparently.

Shen Qingqiu isn't sure what to do about that, really. He lies awake at night and thinks up ways to make this world a better place, a kinder one, and then in the morning he is told that actually, he has already introduced that change a decade or so ago.

(He feels like a fool, like people are judging him for not being aware what is going on on his own Peak. But even when his hands twitch with repressed violence, none of his people ever look scared.)

And then there's Yue Qingyuan.

Yue Qingyuan is...

He's a warm, gentle man for one, but that should be obvious. He was that even in a far crueller world. He's also deeply, terribly weird.

Whenever Shen Qingqiu does something that conflicts with what he is supposed to know--a metaphor without context, a language from halfway across the world--Yue Qingyuan does not even bother to look confused. He simply accepts his lack of understanding, and moves on. Maybe he bothers to check if he has missed an important layer of meaning from Shen Qingqiu instructions, but even that is rare.

Even so, when Shen Qingqiu finally decides that he should reveal his identity, fueled by a Yue Qingyuan who expects him to be his friend instead of a distant coworker... it doesn't quite go the way he had expected it would.

"My name is Shen Yuan," he says, and waits for the inevitable questions and distrust and violence.

Yue Qingyuan only nods with an understanding expression. "A-Yuan is feeling weird about names again, then?"

"... I suppose?" Shen Qingqiu says slowly. "You aren't--you're not upset?"

"It's alright," Yue Qingyuan says, and shrugs. "Tell me when it changes again." And that seems to be that.

"I am not from this world," Shen Qingqiu says two days later, half a room and a wide Sect Leader's desk between them, and having decided the point obviously hadn't gotten across.

"You are now," Yue Qingyuan says, and it sounds like something he has said often. "What are you struggling with today? Has anyone made you feel unwelcome?"

"No, I don't mean in a class sense. I mean I am literally not from this world."

Yue Qingyuan looks unperturbed. "And the same goes on that front. Really, did anyone bother A-Yuan?"

Shen Qingqiu throws his hands in the air and gives up for the day.

"I don't remember our childhood together."

"Yes, I am aware of A-Yuan's memory issues. Mu-shidi says it should all work out. Is there anything specific you need to know?"

Shen Qingqiu takes a deep breath and calms himself. "Because that wasn't me," he says slowly, staring Yue Qingyuan in the eyes and begging him to understand. "My name is Shen Yuan. I transmigrated into Shen Jiu."

"... And?"

"And?" Shen Qingqiu sputters. "And what? Shen Jiu's dead and he's not coming back, are you not mad?"

Yue Qingyuan blinks. "I'm missing something. Is that a pop-culture reference?"

"How do you know what pop-culture is?!" Shen Qingqiu screeches.

"A-Yuan has told me?" Yue Qingyuan looks politely confused, like he isn't quite sure if it is him or Shen Qingqiu that is not following the script for the conversation, but he's apologetic about it either way.

"When?!" Shen Qingqiu waves his arms around. "When would I have done that?" He freezes. "Oh god," he says. "Do I really have memory issues?" He doesn't think he's missing any time, but...

"I don't quite remember." Yue Qingyuan's thick eyebrows pull together. "I was somewhere between six and eight? It was winter, if that helps?"

"Ahaha," Shen Qingqiu says. "Repeat that, please."

"I was probably eight," Yue Qingyuan says, deep in thought. "It was after the thing with the dogs, but before that time with the hay... but right, you don't remember that."

Shen Qingqiu is not ashamed to admit he bluescreens a little.

"So tell me again," he says two hours later, a steaming cup of tea clasped between his hands and a thick black robe laid over his shoulders. "I have always...?"

"A-Yuan is Xiao Jiu is Shen Qingqiu, yes," Yue Qingyuan says patiently. Ever perceptive, he follows it up with, "Are you having a name-thing again?"

"No." Shen Qingqiu scowls. "Yes. Maybe."

It really does explain an awful lot about this world.

"And Mu-shidi says my memories will return?" he asks, not quite sure what he's feeling about that. He knows that the past itself won't turn him into a monster; he knows that he has always been far better equiped to survive this world with his heart intact than the blank-page version of his soul would have been.

"There is a large chance, yes." Yue Qingyuan hides a smile, instantly making Shen Qingqiu suspicious. "Of course I hope they will, but I won't mind much if they don't. A-Yuan reminds me a lot of how he was as a child. It's endearing."

"I am twenty!" Shen Qingqiu sputters. "Hardly a child."

"I recall you saying the same thing when you were, ah," he holds his hand a meter or so from the floor, "about this tall. You were very insistent you were the more mature one, and should thus be listened to."

"If I were an adult, of course you should have listened," Shen Qingqiu says, the argument feeling oddly wellworn on his tongue.

"Perhaps," Yue Qingyuan admits easily. "But I had had a growth spurt, and you had not, so you could never have convinced child-me of that." He tips his head forward. "Of course, right now I am the older one. Listen to big brother and drink your tea, everything will be fine."

[veliseraptor]

Remembering my first introduction to Xue Yang and thinking about how methodical he seemed to me vs fanon version that is basically evil Wei Wuxian on speed.

No really you're so right he's normally calm and methodical. Just sometimes the universe tells him he fucked up and he's like "would you say that if I did this? *makes an utterly insane choice*"

ohhh this is something I have Thoughts on for sure. don't get me wrong! I think xue yang does have manic periods and will get into a mode where he's not sleeping for three days because he has a project to work on and sleep is boring, a-yao, leave me alone. but I think the degree to which xue yang is - prior to xiao xingchen's death - actually as unhinged as he's sometimes painted is...it's not pretending but it is playing up an aspect of his personality to make people uncomfortable or nervous or scared, both because it's how he makes damn sure he's not going to be forgotten or ignored (have talked about that elsewhere) and because it's what people expect from him, so why not.

(it also means people underestimate him and while I think xue yang has a kind of complicated relationship with that it is useful sometimes.)

I do think a solid 30% of xue yang's behavior is looking at what people expect from him, going "oh you are like a little baby. watch this" and doing worse. i.e. if people are going to assume he's basically a wild animal then he's going to be the meanest wild animal they've ever seen. I think the fact that he settles relatively easily into playing a role where that's very much not the case, where nobody is looking at him like that (or at least nobody who is in a position to look down on him, qingqing is too short), is somewhat indicative.

he has more control over himself and his behavior than most people realize; I think the perception (both in universe and in fandom) is that he's sort of a creature of id, driven purely by impulse and almost instinctual reaction, and I don't think that's actually accurate to what we see of him most of the time. he's certainly very clever, and good enough at what he does to attract the attention of powerful people. jin guangshan finds him valuable enough to alienate and anger another sect leader about it. give Xue Yang a puzzle and if he's interested he'll sit down and pick at it until he figures it out, unless it's too easy, then it's just boring.

it's also notable to me that when xue yang is angry at someone, he doesn't actually act immediately. he's very willing to wait and plan to figure out how to really twist the knife in someone. the choice to go after song lan's temple, and song lan himself, rather than directly targeting xiao xingchen, might be a practical one, but it's also a very deliberate and targeted attack that's aimed right at xiao xingchen's stated purpose: "you say you're here to protect people? look, you can't even protect your friend and his temple, and now they've suffered because of you." that's not, like, an immediate and explosive reaction, it's a very purposeful act that has thought and planning behind it.

now, does xue yang make impulsive snap decisions, frequently involving violence? sure. but the most notable of those is, I would argue, at the two absolute nadir moments of xue yang's life. the first one being when xiao xingchen finds out who he is and vehemently rejects him - xue yang's reaction there feels like much more of an instinctive lashing out, and it's happening because for the first time in his life since he was very young, someone who actually has the ability to hurt his feelings has hurt his feelings and it feels real bad! doesn't like that! so he reacts to make it stop, and then keeps going and pushing until xiao xingchen breaks, and then after that it's pretty clear to me that he sort of shocks back to reality and spends the next eight years going "no, wait, I take it back." or, well, trying.

and then also when he dies. when wei wuxian goads him about what he did to chang ping and the implications thereof regarding xue yang's own feelings of (unnacknowledged, unrecognized) guilt, xue yang absolutely loses it, gets reckless and careless and ultimately it's that, with a-qing's help, which gets him killed.

oh, wait, one other place I think xue yang loses control of himself and acts without really thinking it through, and that's killing a-qing. I have less textual evidence for this (though I don't think it's completely absent), but it's definitely my headcanon.

outside of those moments, though - aka the ones that get really bad - I don't think xue yang is as off the chain as he sort of...gives off the air of being. I don't know that I'd call him calm, but I would say that he has the ability, most of the time, to exercise at least a modicum of self control.

at least, before xiao xingchen's death. frankly, after that I think he does very much lose his mind a little, but, you know. I think that's understandable, under the circumstances.

[berryunho]

THE ANSWER: XXIV

Kim Hongjoong doesn’t like the word ‘cult.’ He prefers ‘sect.’ pairing: ateez x fem reader genre: cult au, thriller, angst check warnings on AO3

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“Greet your friend.” Hongjoong gestures behind you, nodding his head in the direction of the door. It couldn’t have been more than a few seconds since she called out to you, but your terror drags every second out to the expanse of infinity. 

The world moves in slow motion as you turn your head. You hardly register her face before you’re fighting for release of your arm, throwing your elbow back into Seonghwa’s chest as hard as you can muster. 

He doesn’t let you go; instead, he grabs your other arm as well, pulling you against him. You fight his grip, not taking your eyes off of her face for a second. You try to scream, try to think of a single word to say, but there is nothing that you can do. Seonghwa restrains you perfectly, not even flinching against your protests. 

Haseul looks as scared as you feel as the realization catches up with her. At her side, Mingi wraps his own hand around her arm, locking her in place. 

You hardly even process Mingi’s presence at her side, your eyes locked on Haseul as her face contorts in confusion. You struggle against Seonghwa’s hold on you, trying to do anything you can to get out of his grasp. He pays you no mind at all.

Hongjoong’s hand lands on your shoulder, squeezing you tightly. “Looks like you’re a bit emotional, (Y/n).” He clicks his tongue, leaving your side to approach Haseul himself. “San, why don’t you bring her to your apartment?” It’s not a suggestion. 

You swing your head to look at San, your eyes wide with warning. There’s no chance in hell that you’re letting Haseul out of your sight, let alone leaving her with Hongjoong. San looks between you and Hongjoong, a pained expression on his face. This is the decision, the one he couldn’t make, right in front of him. You didn’t want it to come so soon, either.

Hongjoong sticks his hand out to Haseul as he approaches her, and you finally find your voice. “Don’t fucking touch her.” 

He looks back at you, feigning confusion as he grabs her hand into his own. He turns back to Haseul, over enunciating his words to ensure that you hear them. “Sorry for the confusion, Haseul.” He shakes her hand, resting his free hand over their joint hands. “I’m Hongjoong, the…" he trails off, looking shy, "leader, you could say, here." 

Haseul looks over his shoulder at you. Her confusion is obvious; she has no idea what the hell is going on. And she has no idea what she's gotten herself into, either. 

Seonghwa squeezes you tighter to him, lowering his lips to your ear to whisper. "I will gladly gag you if need be, princess. Keep your mouth shut." 

You fight against him, nearly managing to knock your heads together, but he's quick enough to evade the strike. Bastard. Creepy fucking perverted bastard. You couldn’t give less of a fuck what Seonghwa threatens to do to you. All you want is for Haseul to get out. 

Haseul still hasn't responded to Hongjoong. She looks back at him, analyzing his appearance. You have complete faith in her reasoning, you know that she'll see right through him. She's always been good at sniffing out the bad ones. This won't be any different, especially with the way you're being fucking restrained right in front of her. She'll know, even if you don’t dare say anything further. The less Haseul knows, the more likely it is that she can go, right? 

Your gaze shifts to Mingi, then. He really needs to redye his hair. An absurd observation, given the circumstances, but it's true. He doesn't look as confused about the situation, his grasp on Haseul quite sure. You wonder if this fear is what Mingi felt when he saw you walk through those doors for the first time… but you doubt it. Mingi might have been confused, but he certainly wasn't scared for your life. He had embraced you, welcomed you. 

He meets your eyes for the first time in days. It's brief, hardly a few seconds, but it's enough for you to see that he's gone. Whatever Hongjoong told him after your argument, he believed it. Proof enough is his presence here. He is Haseul's captor right now. Mingi and Mingi alone holds her in place. If he just let her go… 

What a dirty fucking trick. Using Mingi. Whether it was designed to hurt you or make Haseul more trusting, it fulfilled both purposes. You're sure she was probably elated to see him after so long. And she had probably been so excited to see you, too. Fuck. How many people are you going to drag into this? How many people are going to be hurt because of you?

You think again of San, who still hasn't made his decision. He stands at your side, clenching his hands so tight it almost hurts your heart. Your poor San. Forced to choose and so soon after you told him he didn't have to. 

Not that the choice isn't obvious. You know he'll take you from Seonghwa and drag you to your apartment eventually. You know he'll probably feel terrible and beg your forgiveness immediately after the door shuts behind you. And will you give it? 

Your heart is already so soft towards him, you fear that you will. Immediately. Even before you leave the room. You’re already forgiving him, in fact, before the choice is even carried out. You don’t have much of a resolve, especially considering that he really has only one option. It’s Hongjoong or it’s nothing. He can’t have Hongjoong questioning his faith, not with everything that’s been going on. 

“Hongjoong, nice to meet you.” Haseul doesn’t smile and her voice doesn’t waver. “What the hell is happening right now?” 

Hongjoong chuckles, finally dropping her hand. “Do you want the truth?” 

She looks at you again, a frown marring her usually beautiful face. “Obviously.”

“You’re going to die here.” Hongjoong shrugs, turning back around to you. “Unless someone learns how to behave. Speaking of, didn’t I tell you to take her away, San?” 

You ignore his last question, a new burst of adrenaline tearing its way through you. What in the everloving fuck does Hongjoong think he’s doing? He thinks he can control you by threatening one of your best friends? That you’ll suddenly bend to his whim because he has another captive? 

… Yeah, and he’s right. He fucking knows you. He knows your guilt, and he knows how it eats you. He couldn’t just use Mingi? He had to drag another person into this? Christ, not that you would want him to use Mingi against you, no, but… being the fault of one ruined life is better than two. Hongjoong is a monster. 

Haseul surprises you, laughing as San finally latches a hand onto your arm. “Let’s go, (Y/n), please.” He whispers, lighting pulling on you as Seonghwa loosens his grip.

“No, I’m sure that I won’t.” Haseul looks at Mingi. “Let me go, kiddo. I want to talk to (Y/n).” 

As soon as Seonghwa’s hands are off of you, you’re trying to tear out of San’s hand. As you suspected, his hold on you isn’t very tight at all, and it easily breaks from the full force of your body. You sprint toward the other group, your eyes locking with Hongjoong’s. 

For a moment, you think he betrays a sense of… worry. But the look is gone as quickly as it appears, Seonghwa’s hands latching onto you and pulling you back so suddenly that your knees give out underneath you. Seonghwa catches you by your underarms, stopping you from falling all the way to the floor, but not being gentle at all about it. 

“Haseul!” You finally find it in yourself to scream. “Run!” 

She looks between yourself and Mingi as Seonghwa yanks you to your feet, locking a hand over your lips. Whatever. You got the key message out. So long as she at least tries… 

And she does. Haseul lets herself go limp, the sudden weight too much for Mingi to support with one hand. She slips right through his fingers, scrambling to her feet as she turns back toward where she came. 

Much like yourself, however, she doesn’t get very far. Mingi is right behind her, scooping an arm around her waist and stopping her in much the same place they had already been standing. 

Hongjoong laughs, then, clapping his hands together in front of him. “Aren’t you two quite the pair of runners? Tell me, Haseul, how was your drive in? Think you can run the eight miles to town? (Y/n) tried. And failed.” He smiles, entirely dropping any sort of ruse, even the usual charismatic charm completely ebbs out of him. His unfiltered self is more than upsetting. 

It’s fucking scary. He’s normally scary, but, without even a minor reassurance of his humanity, Hongjoong is more terrifying than ever. His cruelty laid bare, his megalomania so strong that he can’t even reign it in for appearance’s sake… it’s too much. 

You stop your fighting, not wanting to make anything worse. Which, clearly, you are. 

“Are we done?” He asks you, pouting. “I was just starting to have fun, though. I could let you both go; we could play hide-and-seek in the fields again. Wasn’t that fun, (Y/n)?” He approaches you where Seonghwa has you locked in place. Your breathing is heavy against his hand. “Maybe the both of you could manage to get somewhere, together. Or, more likely, your friend would end up in the fucking pig feed.” 

It’s in this instant that you give up. Hongjoong isn’t playing. There’s no chance that you’re going to be able to do anything to help Haseul at this moment; it’s better to play it safe. Not risk the ire. 

Hongjoong smiles, but it’s not his usual smile. It’s utterly unhinged, a vein in his forehead making an appearance from the strain of his face. You try to back into Seonghwa, but he doesn’t budge as Hongjoong gets closer to you. He rests a hand on your shoulder, continuing. “What do you think, (Y/n)? Do you want to play? Or do you want to listen?” 

Seonghwa removes his hand from your lips. Tears well in your eyes as you blink up at Hongjoong, your fear so great that you can hardly find your voice. “Hongjoong, I want, I… I’ll listen, please. Hongjoong, please don’t, don’t hurt her.” 

He squeezes your shoulder too tight. “Are you sure? I’m happy to let you go.” 

You nod your head, closing your eyes tightly in an attempt to not let any of your tears fall. 

“If you insist.” He lets go of you. You let out a deep breath, opening your eyes to watch as he walks away from you and toward Haseul and Mingi. “Mingi, you’re going to take Haseul to her room. And, San, you’re going to take (Y/n) to your apartment. And you’re not going to let your girls out of your sight.” He glances between Mingi and San, his tone not changing at all, even when addressing them. 

You can’t see San, but you can see Mingi. He nods, ushering Haseul out of the cafeteria. You watch her back as she goes, her looking over her shoulder to get one last look at you. It’s almost heartbreaking. You look back at Hongjoong, watching his shoulders bounce as he laughs to himself. 

He really is sick. 

San returns his hand to your arm, but you can’t look at him. You can’t take your eyes from Hongjoong. “(Y/n), please…” San pleads with you, and you don’t fight when Seonghwa lets go of you. “Walk with me?” He whispers, pulling you ever so gently as he starts moving toward the door. 

You stumble at first, and San nearly whimpers as you force him to guide you out the door. It’s hurting him to treat you like this, you know, but you… can’t go along with it. You can’t just go. You keep your eyes locked on Hongjoong, even when it means turning your head over your shoulder to look at him. 

He wiggles his fingers at you as you go, a taunting wave. ‘I win’ that wave says. And why not? Hasn’t he won? 

You watch as Seonghwa approaches him, stopping a few steps behind him. You wonder if that little display had any effect on him. Does seeing someone you love be so utterly insane change the way you feel about them? Seonghwa never denied being scared of Hongjoong, did he? More than likely, Seonghwa is used to this behavior. He might even like it, for all you know about the freak. 

San turns the corner out of the cafeteria and your spell finally breaks. You shiver, not able to contain the feeling of relief to be out of his presence. San slows his pace, nervously glancing at you as you continue down the hallway.

“Are you okay?” His voice trembles with his question, and you’re sure that he already knows the answer. 

You stare straight ahead of yourself, willing your feet to keep going. Just make it to the apartment, and then you can let go. Just a few flights of stairs and you can rest. 

San doesn’t try to ask again when you don’t respond. He leads you in silence, though his grip on your arm gets lighter and lighter with every step that you take. His hatred of putting his hands on you really is endearing, but there isn’t time to think about that. 

You’ve got to figure out how you’re going to get Haseul out of here. There’s already an inkling of an idea brewing in your mind, but it might be… a bit… exploitative. And you’re not sure if you’re ready for that. But… It's Haseul. You can’t let her stay here. You’ll have to find it in yourself to not feel guilty when asking for help. 

In the best case scenario, she would become another brainwashed follower (not that you could ever see that happening). In the worst… she would be another tortured prisoner like yourself. In fact, she would probably have it worse than you, considering that Hongjoong apparently has no special plan for her beyond using her to make you obey him.

The actual worst case scenario is something that you refuse to even consider. 

Once you reach the apartment, San is barely even touching you. You let yourself in, walking determinedly to the couch, where you allow yourself to collapse. San shuts the door behind him, locking it before coming to stand in front of you. He stays quiet, frowning down at you. 

You smile at him, though that quickly devolves as you begin to cry in earnest. You can’t help it. The waning adrenaline suddenly makes your emotions so much more vivid, sending you into a fit. You put your face in your hands, letting go of your self control for the time being. There’s no use in trying to contain your emotions, not here, not with San. 

The depression in the couch next to you follows very quickly. San wraps his arms around you, resting his cheek on your back. From what you know about him, you’re sure that he’s probably following your lead. Have you ever cried in front of him and not been mirrored? 

He sways with you, gently rocking you through your fit. 

You just… don’t understand. How could you not have seen this coming? Doesn’t it make perfect sense that Hongjoong would exploit you like this? Didn’t it seem like things were going too well? You should’ve been prepared for a blow like this; did you really think that there was anything Hongjoong was above doing? Because, if you did, you were blind. 

And you can’t get over how fucking scary he was. He had scared you in the past, sure. He’s always been scary. But that was… something else entirely. He’s had his moments of anger with you, yes, but even then he wasn’t so… brazen. It’s like he has an entirely different fucking personality in him, and you’re horrified to think that that is probably his true self. Without the bells and whistles, without trying to charm and deceive… that’s what he is. 

You’d do well to remember that. Things were getting… a bit chummy there. Had you been reading The Answer? Voluntarily? Christ, the idea is laughable now. What the fuck had you been thinking? Not to mention your other endeavors. Pathetic, honestly. 

And, again, how are you going to get Haseul out of here? There’s… only one person that you could possibly even think of convincing to help you, and he’s currently holding you in his arms. 

Is it wrong to ask him? When you know that Hongjoong is already on his ass? You would be putting him in danger to even ask him such a favor, but… its Haseul. Haseul. You can’t let your best friend rot here on account of yourself. And you can’t just not use every resource. 

But… say shit goes south. Then Hongjoong gets rid of two people that you care about. And wouldn’t that be just your luck? Two people, gone in an instant because of your need to help one of them. That would be… unforgivable. You wouldn’t be able to bear that guilt. 

But how the fuck can you possibly even consider bearing the guilt of Haseul being trapped here? Used against you? You can’t. You couldn’t possibly. 

So the choice is simple, really. You have to risk them both. Maybe, just maybe, the universe will let you get your way this time. And, if Haseul is able to get away… you could get out of here. You could be saved, and not in the way Hongjoong wants. You can’t give up the opportunity that Haseul could escape and get the fucking police involved. So you have to try.

You let San rock you as you settle your tears. He probably won’t want to be near you after you say what you’re about to say, so you savor the warmth of his arms and the touch of his hands for as long as you can. You have to hurt him, have to. You can’t risk him not taking this seriously, and you can’t think of any other way to drive him to do what needs to be done.

If you asked him nicely, he could say no. He could try and reason with you and beg and plead that you don’t do this, because it could end up bad for you. And he would be right, but that’s beside the point. You have to be mad. You have to yell and scream and drive home your point. There can be no doubt in his mind that the only way to keep you is to help you. 

It’s manipulation, pure and simple. And you know that it’s wrong, but… what else can you do? Haseul has to get out, and San is the only hope that you possibly have. 

San adjusts his hold on you once you lower your hands from your face. He looks at you, and, sure enough, he had definitely been crying as well. One of his arms remains around your waist, but his free hand grabs for one of yours. “I’m so sorry, (Y/n).” He swallows hard, a frown staying on his face. 

You nearly crack. Then and there. How can you possibly go through with this when he’s… him? But you think of Haseul, probably terrified out of her mind in one of those tiny bedrooms with Mingi. You can’t let this happen to her. 

You pull your hand out of San’s, standing up off of the couch. His hand on your waist lingers for as long as it can, but you quickly step out of his reach. Using the ball of your hand to wipe at your tears, you steel yourself. The quicker you can convince him that he has to help you, the quicker this can all be over. 

“I can’t believe you, San.” You swallow back more tears as you watch his face contort in confusion. 

He quickly sits up, leaning forward to reach for one of your hands again. You take another step backward, preventing him from succeeding. “What, (Y/n), what do you…” His eyes sparkle with fresh tears. “What are you talking about?” 

You scoff. “You obviously knew about this.” You turn to go, planning to head back to the bedroom. If he thinks that you’re leaving… 

San stands behind you, trying to grab onto your hand. “Wait, wait, (Y/n), just—” But you’re already taking off down the hallway, easily able to slip your hand out of his hold.

“Wait, (Y/n), you have to listen!” San chases after you, following you as you walk as fast as you dare toward the bedroom. “I swear, (Y/n), I swear that I had no idea!” 

You stop in your tracks in the doorway to the room, your chest heaving as you turn to face San. “You didn’t know?” Your tone is as accusatory as you need it to be. You almost find yourself getting truly angry with him. And you might, if not for the tears now pouring down his cheeks. “You’re trying to tell me that you didn’t fucking know that Hongjoong was bringing one of my closest friends here? When all of that shit is entirely your responsibility?” You’re yelling by the end of your sentence, stepping closer to San with each word. 

San reaches out to you, snatching your wrist out of the air as you point at his chest. “Yes, that’s what I’m saying.” His voice is calm despite his crying. You try and wiggle your arm out of his grasp, not liking the feeling of being restrained by him. “I never would have done this to you, ever.” His voice deepens as he whispers through gritted teeth. 

You continue trying to pull your wrist from his grasp. “I don’t believe you.” Your tears return with this sentence, the lump in your throat hard to swallow. 

“Why not?” San retains his iron grip on your wrist, making you stay in place as he takes a step closer to you. He holds your hand to his chest as he stares down at you, his tears drying up. 

You look up at him, hoping he can’t see through you. This is it. “I know that you,” you spit the word with as much anger as you can muster, “are the reason that I’m here. Excuse me for not trusting you, San.”

He sets his jaw, breaking your eye contact to study the paint on the walls. He nods once, twice. “I deserve that, and you’re right.” He finds your eye again. “You might not believe me when I say this, but I swear to you that I regret it everyday. You’re free to hate me, but you have to know that I would take it back if I could. I’d sooner have never met you than have caused you all of this pain.” He pulls you closer, your chest knocking against your conjoined hands. “Which is why I will never hurt you again. Meaning, I would never have invited Haseul. Even if Hongjoong asked.” 

“I don’t believe you.” You shake your head up at him, finally letting your tears fall again.

“How can I make you?” 

The climax of the conversation reaches you and you’re hardly able to spit the words out. “Help her escape. Help her get the hell out of here. Then I’ll believe you.” 

San’s expression doesn’t change. He continues looking down at you, searching your eyes for any indication of a lie. “Will you?” 

You nod. 

“Okay.” He looks at you for a second longer, taking in your expression, before letting go of your wrist and stepping away from you. “Stay here. I’m going to send… someone up here to stay with you. I don’t want Hongjoong getting mad if he sees me, somehow.” 

You nod your head again, your stomach flipping as you realize that you actually just pulled that off. You do feel bad, you can’t deny it, the tears still streaming down your cheeks confirm your guilt, solidify it. 

“Don’t worry if it takes me a while to come back,” he smiles, but it looks fake, “I will come back to you. Is there anything you want me to tell her?” 

Pondering this, you take a second to wipe your tears away. You know it’s only making him hurt worse to see you cry. Might as well try to spare him of some of it. What would you want to say to her? “Just… tell her that I’m sorry, and that I love her.” 

San reaches out to you one last time, cupping your face in his hand as he wipes your cheek for you. He pulls you close, leaning in at the same time to press a kiss to your forehead. It’s short, however, and he’s already walking out the door before you can process it. “Wait for me.” He calls behind himself, leaving you alone in the apartment. 

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

You can’t really remember the last time that you had been alone, really alone. There was the time before the trip into town, but, even then, you had actually been surrounded by people. Now, you’re completely alone in your apartment. You could, theoretically, run away. 

But Hongjoong made it quite clear earlier how he felt about that option. And you’re really not eager for a repeat of the corn fields. So you stay put. It’s better this way, anyhow. You wouldn’t be so stupid as to put Haseul’s escape at risk. 

You do wonder who San will choose to send up to watch you, though. Probably another higher up… but… who? Who could he trust with the knowledge that he’s left you alone… for some… mysterious reason that is totally a coincidence that your friend just showed up and is about to mysteriously escape somehow… 

The knock at the door alleviates the curiosity, at least. You call for whoever it is to come in, having moved to the couch since San left. It hadn’t been that long, maybe ten minutes, but you were not vibing with the silence. You’re quite used to hearing another person’s breathing 24/7, thank you very much. 

You’re pleasantly surprised when Wooyoung peeks his head into your apartment. When he sees you on the couch, he lets himself in, gently pulling the door closed behind himself. “(Y/n), it’s good to see you…” He glances around the room. “But what’s going on?” 

“What do you mean?” Surely he knows something is up. but you’re not going to tell him anything that he doesn’t need to know. 

Wooyoung frowns, crossing his arms over his chest. “Why did San come crying to me about you two having an argument?" 

Ahhhh. It’s a good enough cover, you suppose. Especially given the way that you’re positive your emotions linger on your face, it’s believable enough that you fought. And, anyways, San probably thinks that you did fight. 

Wooyoung clears his throat, still frowning. “You should know by now that he’s… sensitive.” 

You nod slowly, feeling genuinely apologetic. Again, its not like you wanted to hurt him, but… “I know, Wooyoung. It’s just that everything is so… I don’t know. Nothing can go right, and I guess I took it out on him.” 

“Aren’t you happy to see your friend?” He asks, dropping any of the attitude that he had clearly wanted to have with you. “It’s a good thing, her being here!” 

You clench your jaw, keeping your mouth shut. Wooyoung doesn’t deserve your anger anymore than San did. “It’s complicated, Wooyoung.” 

He sighs, sitting next to you on the couch. “I know that things were hard for you when you first got here, but that doesn’t mean it’ll be the same for your friend.” 

When you don’t reply, he keeps trying. “You like it here, now. Please don’t try to say that you don’t.” He reaches for your hand, but you pull it away before he can grab it. What the hell is he on? His voice raises as he continues. “Look around you, (Y/n). Is this so bad? Is San so terrible? Are the people here not your friends? Just because things are hard with Hongjoong doesn’t mean that you’re being tortured here; you don’t know how lucky you are.” 

You look at Wooyoung in utter shock. You could’ve expected this rant from plenty of people, but Wooyoung? To have Wooyoung say such things to you… You get to your feet, putting more distance between the two of you.

“You can’t possibly think that I’m lucky.”

Wooyoung smiles up at you, but with a malice that you’ve never seen from him. You don’t know what the hell has him so worked up, but you’re seeing an entirely new side of Wooyoung. “Do you think that you’re the only person here that had a hard go of it? Did you think that no one before you ever resisted being Chosen?” He shakes his head, the smile fading. “Plenty of us suffered at first, but we weren’t rewarded with instant status. You have no idea what I went through, (Y/n). You are lucky.” 

There’s really no way for you to contain your surprise. Wooyoung. Wooyoung. Happy-go-lucky Wooyoung is, what, scolding you? Bitching you out? For not being happy that you’re being held hostage by a cult. And, for what reason, other than he, himself suffered through the same thing? Shouldn’t he understand your position more than anyone? He’s never shown you the side of him that you’re speaking to now, how were you supposed to know? 

“But you, you’re—”

“I’m what? Devoted? Yes, I am, do you know why?” He waits for an answer that doesn’t come. “I can show you the scars. They’re only a couple years old.” 

Wooyoung stands, grabbing the hem of his shirt like he means to take it off. No, you don’t want to see any scars. You reach for one of his wrists, locking his hand in place. “Please, you don’t need to show me.” 

He snatches his hand out of yours so violently that he ends up smacking himself in the chest. “I believe in the Answer and I believe in Hongjoong. Truly. What got me to this point was not pretty, though I didn’t dare do anything as bold as you.” He looks you up and down and you feel as though he can see right through you. “And yet… I don’t see signs of the same treatment. I have to wonder what makes you so different.” 

You never thought that you would find yourself scared of Wooyoung. You inch a few steps backward, keeping your distance. You don’t truly think that he would hurt you, but… There’s no way of knowing. You can’t trust anyone in this fucking place. Just when you think you might know someone, this shit happens. 

“It’s the prophecy or whatever, I know.” Wooyoung shakes his head, ignoring your movements. “Hongjoong thought someone else was you, you know? Have you heard that one yet?” 

You shake your head, but you mean it in more of a ‘please don’t tell me’ way than a ‘no I haven’t’ way. Really, you do not need to know. You don’t want to know. This is entirely new information to you, but you’re not ready to hear it. 

Wooyoung smiles, taking a step closer to you. “He thought she was the one, but… she wasn’t. And what did Hongjoong do? How did he reward her loyalty?” You take another step back, but your back hits the wall before you can put enough space between yourself and Wooyoung. He advances further, looking down at you with a fire in his eyes that you never could’ve expected. “He had Seonghwa kill her. Her body decomposed in the fields. You can see her bones from the road in the winter.” 

You won’t cry. You’re not going to cry. Not again. You find it in yourself to shove Wooyoung away from you, able to get away from the wall that is now suffocating you. He laughs behind you as you practically jog to your bedroom, desperate to be alone.

What the fuck. Genuinely, absolutely, positively, what the fuck? 

You slam the door shut behind you, running your hands through your hair as you pace. What the fuck was the point in telling you that? What has gotten into Wooyoung? He was like you? Is he still like you? Does he want to leave? He’s mad at you because you weren’t abused like he was? He’s jealous? 

None of it makes any fucking sense. If there was another girl, one before you, what would’ve made Hongjoong change his mind about her? And, if she was actually loyal to him, how on earth could he possibly have thought that you would be the better choice?

And why had no one mentioned her to you before? San had never told you anything like this. It doesn’t make sense. Why would it be such a secret? Because she’s dead? Was everyone just supposed to forget that she ever existed, just because Hongjoong decided she wasn’t the one to do… whatever the fuck it is that he needs done? 

Your heart aches for the girl that came first. She didn’t deserve to die. She didn’t deserve to be brainwashed. Your stomach twists as you think of how she must’ve died, fully believing that she was fulfilling a purpose for Hongjoong. It’s sick. Hopefully she wasn’t scared. That’s the only solace that you can find for her. 

And Haseul, Jesus fuck, Haseul is here! Where is San? Shouldn’t he be back by now? Shouldn’t he have done whatever it was that needed to be done?

There’s too fucking much to worry about. You can only be sick over so many different things at once. Every damned day in this place makes everything a thousand times more complicated. 

Once San is back, you’ll ask about Haseul. And then about the other girl. And then about how he got here. And then about Wooyoung. 

If Wooyoung was taken by force, it’s entirely possible that San was, too. You’ve never spoken about how he got here, or about his past life at all. It’s suddenly a bit stifling, the realization that there is so much about him that you don’t know. But, if San was taken like you were, couldn’t he… no, you shouldn’t get your hopes up. But… 

San is already defying Hongjoong for you. Your relationship, for one thing, was outright banned in front of your eyes. Now he’s helping someone escape for you. If he’s willing to do that… couldn’t he be willing to help you? Couldn’t you get him to see your perspective, with a little bit more begging and pleading? 

If San never wanted to be here in the first place, couldn’t you convince him to leave? 

A knock on the door startles you. “Hey, (Y/n), listen,” Wooyoung’s voice carries through the wood, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said all of that, you didn’t need to know. You’re not even supposed to know.” 

You hold your breath, waiting for him to try the doorknob. You hadn’t locked it behind you, he could very well open the door. 

“Can I come in? I can explain things better, I swear.” 

You gnaw at your lip for a moment, weighing your options. You don’t think that Wooyoung would hurt you. He’s always been genuinely kind to you, up until twenty minutes ago. He sounds like he’s calmed down, too. Wooyoung was one of the first people you… liked, here. 

But… he was being really freaky. Like, really weird. He did not need to behave like that with you. You probably shouldn’t let him in, and yet you find yourself telling him that he can. 

He inches the door open slowly, frowning in the doorway when he sees how upset you look. 

You stop your pacing, opting to climb up on your bed and sit, staring at Wooyoung. 

He doesn’t come in. Instead, he leans his shoulder against the door frame, his fingers nervously twisting together in front of him. “I shouldn’t have… let myself speak to you like that, (Y/n). I’m really sorry.” 

Wooyoung hardly looks at you as he says this, looking down at his hands instead.  “You’re right, and thank you for the apology.” 

He nods, wetting his lips. “I shouldn’t make excuses, and I won’t, but I just can’t help but wonder why so many of us were treated so poorly when you’re… not. And I don’t say that to make you feel guilty, but I just don’t really understand it. I know Hongjoong has his plan for you, but—”

“What is the plan, Wooyoung?” You feel only a little bad for cutting him off. You can unpack his words later, now is… really not the time to add more worries to your mind. 

He finally looks up at you, tilting his head and almost hitting it against the door. “You haven’t read it, yet? Honestly, the text explains it better than I could.” 

You resist rolling your eyes. Why is that always what everyone says? You don’t want to read it, you want another human being to look in your eyes and tell you what’s going to happen. Maybe it’s flawed logic, but you feel like hearing it from someone else would make it easier to stomach. Knowing that someone else knows, too, could be comforting, right? “Can’t you just give me the gist of it?” 

Wooyoung smiles, though this one is actually humorous. “The gist of it is that you’re important to Universe One. It goes into detail about a girl that will link the universes; allowing free travel between them. The Sign of the Answer,” he taps the pins on his collar, “she’ll bring it to fruition.” 

The room stays silent as you think of your next question. You glance at San’s copy of The Answer on his bedside table, the edges of the book crinkled with use. How many times has he read it, you wonder?

“How?” You finally ask, looking back at Wooyoung.

He shrugs. “Doesn’t say.” 

Well isn’t that just great. Isn’t that just perfect. What are you supposed to glean from that? What is that supposed to entail for your future? 

“When?” You ask. 

“Doesn’t say.” Wooyoung repeats. 

He pushes himself off of the door frame, taking a few steps into the room so that he can stand in front of you. “I’m sorry that this all has happened to you, (Y/n). But I need to emphasize this to you again… I know that you don’t want to hear it, but you are lucky. Things would be a lot easier for you if you simply… accepted your new reality.” 

You cross your arms, looking up at him. He’s right, you don’t want to hear it. You’re not lucky. Lucky doesn’t mean being taken by a cult and treated ‘nicely.’ You wouldn’t say ‘aw, you’re so lucky that you only got raped and not murdered,’ to a Richard Ramierez victim, would you? No, you wouldn’t. Because other crimes do not minimize the ones being committed against you. You know that, at least. 

“Things would be easier, you’re right,” you nod, “but I don’t want them to be easier.” 

“That’s your choice, I guess.”

The conversation reminds you a lot of one that you had had with San outside of the barns. 

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

Wooyoung stays with you through dinner, though neither of you make an appearance. You’re sure that Hongjoong wasn’t expecting you, anyways. After this afternoon, you wouldn’t be surprised if he wanted to keep you locked up in your apartment as punishment. You’d frankly be quite surprised if things carried on like they had been, after such a display from yourself and from him. You still don’t know what the hell got up his ass or why the fuck he was so scary, but you also don’t think you really want to know.

You’re not sure how Wooyoung accounted for his absence, or if he even did. For all you know, he’s allowed sick days every now and then or something. But would Wooyoung be willing to lie to Hongjoong for San? Would any of them lie to cover for each other? You really don’t know. 

You watch the sunset through your bedroom window, wondering where San could possibly be. It’s been hours since he left, and each passing minute honestly only makes you feel worse. You’re really starting to feel guilty about… essentially extorting San into carrying out your bidding. It was wrong of you to use such a manipulative tactic, but it really had seemed like the only way to help Haseul. Even looking back on it with regret, you don’t know how else it could’ve gone. There was too much of a risk of San not taking it seriously enough. 

But you also have to worry about San, too. What Seonghwa said about him has continued to linger in your mind. If Hongjoong really wants him out of the equation… this could definitely be grounds for it. If San is caught with Haseul… there could be serious repercussions. 

At this point, you don’t know if you’re more worried about Haseul escaping or San getting caught helping her. Obviously you needed San to be the one to help her, but fuck you’re worried. 

You feel guilty. And you feel guilty for feeling guilty. It should be your number one priority to make sure that Haseul gets away safely, but you’re also just so worried for San. You don’t know how long you were expecting him to be gone, but it certainly wasn’t the rest of the day. 

Maybe you have some sort of attachment issues. The pain in your chest could be caused by any one of the reasons that you’re stressed, but you suspect that it’s San. You miss him. That’s all. It’s weird to not have him with you, especially when you’re going through so much. 

Wooyoung has been alright company, at least after he stopped being a freak. But he sits in the living room as you sit in your bedroom, the both of you waiting for San to arrive back. Its a bit awkward, even though you’re in separate rooms. You wonder what he’s doing, but it’s probably much the same as what you’re doing. Thinking. 

The sun is setting noticeably earlier these days. Long gone are the 9pm sunsets, each day inching closer to a 7pm twilight. You wonder how long it’s been since you arrived. You should’ve kept count, somehow. At least three weeks, you’d think. Maybe a month. Maybe a little more. It’s hard to tell. They still haven’t started harvesting the corn, which inclines you to believe that it can’t be much later than early October, if that. If it is October, that would mean that it’s been six weeks, which feels too long. 

You’re really not sure. 

The days have blurred together. Without any contact to the outside world, it’s impossible for you to have enough of an idea of what happened each day, let alone how many days ago something happened. There are no landmarks, no events that you can recall for certain happening on specific days. 

You arrived, and time passed. You were chosen, and time passed. You got a job, and time passed. You decided to escape, and time passed. You were made to live with San, and time passed. You got close to San, and time passed. Haseul arrived… and time will pass. 

It’s just one thing after another. 

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

You’re not sure how or when, but you must’ve dozed off. You wake up only when the shower in your bathroom starts, startling you awake.

You’re disorientated the way you always are after a nap. You’re too hot, your jeans are too tight, your shirt is askew, your skin imprinted with the lines of the blanket you slept on top of. It’s dark.

Sitting up, you look toward the bathroom door as you straighten your shirt. It’s closed, but it must be San. Through the crack between the bottom of the door and the floor, the only source of light pours into your room. It shines brightly. The clock on your bedside table reads 1:09 A.M.

Fuck, that certainly took a lot longer than you had been expecting. Stretching your arms over your head, you try to wake up a bit. There’s going to be a conversation that you want to be wide awake for. You change into your pajamas as you wait for him to finish his shower, sitting patiently on the bed, ready to hear everything that he has to tell you. You want every detail of every minute. You need to know that Haseul is safe.

It is entirely possible that San will be too tired to talk. It’s also possible that he failed. That there will be nothing to tell you other than the fact that Haseul is still here and that there was nothing he could do. It’s surprising, really, that this is the first time such a possibility has really occurred to you. It’s probably more likely that he tried and failed than he tried and succeeded. Sneaking an entire person off of the farm without either being caught would be… difficult. 

Your guilt reawakens at your ignorance. You could’ve set them both up for failure, and you hadn’t really considered it before this moment, when San is back in your bedroom. You had been worried about them being caught, yes… But you hadn’t considered the third option where nothing happens and shit is exactly as it was this afternoon. 

Just when you think that the sound of the water hitting the wall is going to drive you crazy, the water shuts off. You turn toward the door, letting your legs hang off the side of the bed. 

San opens the door, the light from the bathroom suddenly pouring out into the bedroom. Shielding your eyes with your hand, you try your best to look at him. 

He stands in the doorway, staring back at you like a deer in the headlights (though you’re the one in the headlights, really). You can’t tell if he’s just surprised to see that you’re awake, or surprised to have you sitting right there when he just emerged from the bathroom with nothing but a towel around his hips. 

His hair drips, the droplet hitting his collarbone and trailing down the rest of his chest before sinking into the towel. Hopefully your staring wasn’t as obvious as it felt. You look back up at his face, and you both start to speak at the same time.

“I’m sorry that I was ma—”

“Did I wake you u—”

You both smile, and you’re instantly feeling more relieved. San is back. And he’s smiling. That must be a good sign, right?

“You did, but it’s okay.” You reach out your hand to him, wanting him to give you one of his. “I’m sorry for being mad, earlier.” He steps closer to the bed and slides his hand into yours as you say this, smiling down at you. You really are sorry. The feeling of his hand in yours only reassures you that everything must be okay. 

His hair drips onto your lap, dampening your fresh pair of pajama pants. “No, don’t be sorry.” His voice is soft, his free hand coming to rest under your jaw. “You didn’t say anything I haven’t thought myself. I’m sorry for waking you up, or, well, I’m sorry for everything, I mean. But especially waking you up.” 

“It’s alright, San. How did… How did it go?” You squeeze his hand, hoping you don’t look too expectant. It’s natural for you to want the best outcome, of course, but you don’t want San to beat himself up if he couldn’t get it. You want Haseul to be safe… but, in a way, she’s safe here. As long as Hongjoong holds her over your head, he can’t hurt her, right? 

San sighs, taking his hands away from you to make his way over to his dresser. “I… did my best to help her. I think she should make it.” 

The words are an instant relief. You could nearly cry. “Really?” You keep your head turned toward the bathroom door, letting him dress behind you.  You would turn, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before, but the domesticity of seeing someone naked without any sexual intentions is too much for you right now. That can all be unpacked later. So you keep your head straight, no matter how much you want to look as he speaks to you. 

The bed dips on the other side and you take that as your cue to look. He’s laying on his stomach, pillow punched up in his arms. He didn’t put a shirt on. “I got her in her car, at least. She shouldn’t have much trouble, unless someone heard the engine start.” 

You do tear up, then. Holy shit, San really did it. He really got Haseul out of here. And that means… that means that you will be out of here, and fucking soon. You turn so that you’re fully on the bed again, sitting upright to look down at San. 

“Hey, don’t cry,” he smiles, untangling one of his arms to lay it around your waist. He scootches closer to you, his face in line with the waistband of your pajama pants. “It’ll all be okay, you know?” 

You laugh as he kisses your side, his lips tickling the sensitive skin. “I know, I’m just, I’m so happy, San. And I’m so… grateful. That you did this for me.” You brush his hair off the side of his face, tucking the longer strands behind his ear. 

He smiles against your side. “I’m happy that you’re happy. But I’m sorry to be back so late, you were probably worried, huh?” 

“Maybe a little bit,” you admit. “How did it all go, though? How did she seem? What did you do all day?” 

San takes a deep breath, closing his eyes as he thinks. “She was… weary of me. Didn’t trust me at all, which made helping her a lot harder than I had been hoping. Once I convinced her that I was trying to help her, we kinda just hung out until it was late enough for me to get her car.” 

“No one came to check on her? All day?” You frown, wondering why she would’ve been left completely alone. When you first got here, you at least got your three meals a day brought to you. 

“Mingi was with her when I got there, I just told him Hongjoong had told me to take over with her.” San’s eyes are still closed. 

That brings back a bit of your dread. If Mingi was supposed to be watching her, and she got away… Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. This could be precisely what Hongjoong was needing… Oh God. Ohhhhhhh dear. 

Hopefully it won’t come to that. Haseul will be back with help, and soon. Help should get here before anything can be done, right? There’s no chance that… 

Mingi will be fine. You have to believe that. Mingi and Haseul are okay. San is okay. Everything is going to be a-okay. No one else is going to get hurt and absolutely no one is going to die. No way no how. 

“Are you worried?” He asks, disliking the sudden silence. “He’ll be okay. Everything will be. Lay down?” 

How does he sound so sure? Is he really that confident that everything will work out, or is he just trying to comfort you? You have no idea, but you do as he asks, repositioning yourself until you’re on your side, face to face with San. 

“She’s really okay?” You whisper, tucking your hands under your head. 

San’s arm wraps around you again, pulling you closer to him. “She’s perfectly fine.” He presses a kiss to your forehead, much as he had done earlier. “Please don’t worry.”

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

Hongjoong slams the truck door shut behind him, already furious. If he was a less dignified man, he’d kick the tire as he walks past, but he doesn’t. Instead, he lets his anger out through his voice. 

He’s already yelling before he even reaches the scene. “What the fuck is this?” He sweeps his hands in front of him, gesturing toward the mess. He stops across from Jongho, who looks no worse for the wear, despite his blood soaked shirt. It’s too dark to really see the color; it looks like Jongho is simply wearing a black shirt. But the way that the fabric clings to his skin is enough to know that its wet. And the girl in front of him is evidence enough of what could’ve possibly gotten him so messy. 

Jongho shrugs. “Dead body.” The blood is still seeping from her, the puddle growing bigger and bigger. Jongho stands in the puddle, but he doesn’t seem to have any motivation to move. His shoes are already ruined. Hongjoong, however, takes small steps backward every few seconds. 

Hongjoong’s jaw drops in anger. Obviously its a dead fucking body. He’s not blind. “Do you remember who I am, Jongho? Please, enlighten me.” 

Hongjoong lets Jongho get away with a lot. He likes him. Jongho is… the same as Hongjoong, he thinks. There are differences; Jongho probably couldn’t get the ASPD diagnosis that he’s carried since the bright day that was his 18th birthday. Jongho has been in love, Hongjoong knows that, and that’s really… the key difference, he thinks. Otherwise, Jongho’s brain is wired the same as his.

Jongho knows how to get what he wants. He’s not afraid to be manipulative. He’s charming to the outside observer, intrinsically charismatic. He loves to have power over people (probably the reason he enjoys killing so much). It’s useful to have him around, so Hongjoong is willing to let Jongho have more freedom than the others.

As much as Hongjoong lives for the thrill of power himself, he doesn’t particularly care for getting his hands dirty. He’d much rather keep control of living people than have momentary control over someone that’ll be dead in minutes. So Jongho is quite the guy to have around, even if he’s a pain in his ass sometimes.

“You said—”

“I know what I said, Jongho.” Hongjoong doesn’t appreciate Jongho’s tone. “However, I didn’t mean that you could kill her in the middle of the fucking road, where, I don’t know, anyone could see?” 

Jongho smiles at his leader, not the least bit intimidated. “Does it look like anyones around to see?” He gestures around the road, looking between the two fields to his left and right. “We just have to replace the gravel.”

Hongjoong grinds his teeth, rubbing his temples. Why can’t this shit ever happen in the daytime? He’s fucking tired. “You can get rid of the gravel. I’m going back to sleep.” He ignores Jongho’s first comment out of the desire for sleep. Despite his soft spot for the kid, he (typically) still doesn’t tolerate open disrespect. 

“What do I do with her?” Jongho asks as Hongjoong starts making his way back to the truck, almost having to yell after him with the speed that he’s moving. 

Hongjoong stops, smiling as he recalls this afternoon. It was always the plan for Haseul to die tonight, he only wishes (Y/n) had taken him up on his offer. It would’ve been a lot more fun to play again. He turns back to Jongho, his smile growing wider. 

“The pigs are hungry, I’m sure.” 

← previous || next → || masterlist

a/n: happy new year &lt;33

[afanlikingkillerfoxes]

Okey so, i have some thoughts about the lore, specially about the MC bc damn! I am still thrilled about being able to chose ur backstory

The Alchemist - we know that your adoptive mother, or master as u call her, was once part of the senobium as u saw her old uniform in her closet once. We also know she didn't locked u down and that she did teach u about magic and history. U know that Eridia was a river territory and what erotion looks like. And u can distinguish a surgeon ability, even pointing it out to Mhin (a choice u don't get if u are not an alchemist)

The Hound - I don't have much information from this one. U know about geography, how to steal and u don't mind sleeping under the sky. U can distinguish between a good leader and a bad one. Ur instinct is sharp.

The Unnamed - U grow in a temple, ur superiors told u you could allow your beloved access a higher plane of knowledge, something similar to mindgroup (sorry don't remember how it was called).

It's interesting bc this sects pops up no matter what past u chose. And! Because of our curse, we are not human but neither monsters...

-

Now, about the place.

The Senobium - we know, bc of the Alchemist past, that the new senobium (the one how does experiments) is at least one generation old. I don't know if your masters personality/liking of experiment was the cause or consecuence to be part of the Senobium (she can perhaps be older who knows) but sound right enough. The senobium have to be, at least, a generation older with this new way of carrying things so it's settled enough to be normal for the people of the city but new to a new comer (thinking tht information doesn't spread fast)

Seaspring - If we chose the unnamed past we can make an resemblance between kura's clinic and Seaspring. Kura's said he was in Seaspring once and then he didn't want to talk about it... Perhaps he created it? Or he just was involved in some way? Try to used or investigate about it as a new treatment? Something more?

-

And the difference between species, like, we know thanks to Vere that we are not human neither a monster, and also what are exactly the souless??

At first i though monsters and souless were kinda the same but I still don't know the difference. Perhaps the souless have an animal type of intelligence rather than a human like? Since the souless that follow us enter the city... That's not very intelligent to me... And the way Ais tamed them makes me think of animals. And naturally the monsters have an human kind of intelligence... But they can also eat souless? Ugh I don't know.

The next thing I am gonna say is just a theory, i think perhaps monsters are born that way but souless are made? Idk, maybe I am overthinking it xdd

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

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1. Hi! I hope everyone's ok! Could you please help me find a fic? Last time I read it it was wip. It's a time travel fic that starts with punishment after they get caught drinking. WWX starts crying, I think, and he keeps avoiding LWJ. Then he goes to talk to LQR and asks him to get all sect leaders, then confesses he is from the future, I think WN also went back, and they want to help everyone prevent bad things to happen, including JGY.. do I even make sense? Sorry and thank you.

FOUND! If You Forget Me by DivideTheSorrow (Not Rated, 154k, WIP, WangXian, Time Travel, Fix-It of Sorts, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Build, Canon Divergence, Eventual Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Alternating, Original Character(s), Angst)

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2. Hi! I'm trying to find this one-shot I read a while back. LWJ comes across A-Yuan calling LXC uncle? I believe. LWJ corrects him and asks him not to call him that. He makes it clear to LXC that he is unhappy about him allowing the siege against the burial mounds. Might not be entirely accurate but this si the gist of the fic. Thank you!

FOUND? ❤️ kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight by AlfAlfAlfAlfAlf, tardigradeschool (T, 75k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), Kid Fic, teen shenanigans, two a-yuans, Fluff and Angst)

FOUND? Survival - Part Three by Jinko (G, 2k, WangXian, LXC & LWJ, Canon Divergence, JYL Lives)

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3. Hi! Do you guys know of a crack fic where lqr gives sex ed to teenage lwj and wwx?

Lqr notices wangxian's mutual attraction (i think they are bethrothed? but I'm not too sure) and discusses this with xichen. Lqr hints at the need to give them both "the talk". Xichen shudders thinking about the time he got "the talk" from lqr. Lqr says xichen doesn't have to give wangji "the talk" since he is also young, plus getting "the talk" from an elder brother must be embarrassing and harrowing (lqr got "the talk" from lwj's dad lol).

Lqr asks wangxian to come to extra classes where he gives them sex ed much to wangxian's embarrassment. Lqr is no nonsense about it, nit embarrassed about explaining ecerything explicitly and scientifically. wangxian just wants to get out of there as they're both red with embarrassment. Lqr also asks wq give wangxian oil and tools for them to figure out which position each liked so that their future married life will be easier. Wangxian are by rule meant to be celibate until marriage.

FOUND! A Series of (Un)intentionally Supervised Dates by dragongirlG (T, 33k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, The Untamed (TV) References, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Political Alliances, Yīn Iron, Arranged Marriage, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Family Dynamics, Sparring, Sex Education, Jealous LWJ, Sexual Tension, POV Multiple, 5+1 Things, Character Study, First Kiss, [Podfic] A Series of (Un)intentionally Supervised Dates by Koontyme)

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4. Hii!! I was planning on just cutting my losses, but this is literally tearing my up from the inside out. I’m looking for a fic where Hualian adopted child Wei Ying, and because of being homeless, Wei Ying gets very sick with a high fever but tries to hide that from them. But Xie Liam see’s him eating less and WY eventually starts coughing violently then it’s revealed. He almost dies from the fever while Hua Cheng and Xie Liam watches over him. WY soon thinks that he is burdening the both of them and climbs out a window to sneak out, but gets caught by Hua Cheng when he collapses in the snow. Hua Cheng carrie’s him back and then the three have a heart to heart where I think WY starts crying.

I EVEN HAVE A QUOTE FROM A SC I PREVIOUSLY TOOK FROM THE FIC: “Immediately, he's shivering, bare feet sinking into the snow drift. He can barely put one foot in front of the other, it's so high, and leaves an obvious trail for anyone to follow. One two. Three four. Five steps and he's falling face first. He can't get back up.

"Wei Ying! Wei Ying?!"

He doesn't answer, but he feels more than sees Hua Cheng find his trail and stick half his body out the window, almost falling face first into the snow himself.

Scrambling is audible, and he soon finds himself lifted. Held.

"Gege! Gege, we need more blankets now!" Hua Cheng says, long legs stepping through the window. Suddenly Xie Lian is there, eyes sleep-swollen and hair a rat's nest. He's carrying all the blankets in the house by the looks of it."

I need to at least know if the fic was deleted so can have some closure, TY!! :D

FOUND! a warm coal in the hearth of our hearts by eccentrick (T, 46k, HuaLian, Found Family, fluff with plot, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Disabled Character, Ableism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiāngs, slow burn found family, Adopt WWX, Married HuaLian, Post-Canon TGCF, Kid Fic, TGCF Spoilers) locked to archive users only

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5. Hello! I have a question for the next fic finder - thank you so much in advance!

My instinct is that this was a post-cannon fic, because I think I remember Jin Ling being there (although not positive on that!) - I just remember that WWX was traveling to Lotus Pier, but there was a really bad storm and he got lost and ended up falling off a cliff and into the river and almost drowning - and from there the fic cuts back and forth between JC, LWJ, and others, who eventually realize he's missing and go looking for him, and WWX, who is badly hurt and like drifiting in-and-out of consciousness somewhere along the river where he got swept away to.

I can't find it anywhere and I've exhausted every combination of tags I can think of to try to find it!

Hey there! I'm #5 on the most recent fic finder and unfortunately, it's not 'The Storm That Should Not Be', although I also love that one and have it bookmarked, lol!

My memory is that the fic I'm thinking of was a multi-chapter fic, and WWX was traveling to Lotus Pier with either JC or LWJ, but there's a storm and they accidentally get separated in the rain and darkness, and WWX doesn't see the approaching cliff and falls off it into the river and gets swept away - meanwhile JC/LWJ reaches Lotus Pier safely and is like, "what do you mean WWX hasn't showed up yet?" And then they send search parties after, and don't find him until like a day or two later, washed up at the edge of the river and half-drowned.

NOT FOUND! this storm that should not be by TheDameJudiWench (G, 6k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Drowning, Family Dynamics)

FOUND! Of Rivers of Thunder by ARavenIsBlack (G, 7k, WangXian, Mystery, No Thirteen Years of WWX's Death, Hurt/Comfort, Not Canon Compliant, Angst with a Happy Ending)

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6. Hey, for the next fic finder, I’m looking for a modern cultivation AU, where Wangxian are partners and hunting a succubus(incubus?). They get caught, LWJ gets dosed with truth serum, WWX manages to fake getting dosed but LWJ doesn’t know that. WWX lies to the succubus that he’s not in love with his partner, breaking LWJ’s heart. At some point, the ‘bus’s kidnaps LWJ, WWX saves him, and they talk and WWX confesses that he wasn’t actually dosed with truth serum and yes he is in love. @any-mouse​

FOUND! a bite of a vow, a taste of the truth by occultings (microcomets) (E, 29k, wangxian, modern w magic, ABO, case fic, fake/pretend relationship, pining, truth serum, whump, hurt/comfort, monsters, succubi & incubi, getting together, happy ending)

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7. hello i am trying to remember a fanfic where everyone including lwj thinks wei ying cheated on him with wen qing i think when actually he was trying to adopt his son. anyway then wei ying leaves and then lwj finds him after figuring out the truth. thanks in advance if you can find it, i’m struggling lol. / okay my bad i originally posted this on the wrong account but anyways. so basically i think it’s set in a modern au, and wwx gets confronted by the lans (including lwj) and his family, accusing him of cheating with wen qing. he’s not (obviously), and is trying to finalize the adoption of his son. nobody believes him and he leaves. i think he ends up owning a bakery or working (this could be wrong) when lwj finds him years later and apologizes, realizing the truth. thanks in advance!!!

FOUND! (Un)forgettable by Edens_Cat, VividestList (E, 67k, WangXian, Misunderstandings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Kid Fic, teenage juniors, Teacher WWX, the juniors are the wwx protection squad, Amnesia!, Protective WQ, protective LSZ, Matchmaker LJY, A-Yuan is Wei Yuan, Single Parent WWX, Riding, Dirty Talk, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering)

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8. Time travel fix-it where WWX did sketches and was accused of being a spy

Hello! I'm looking for a time travel fix-it fic where WWX was thrown into the past with everyone living happily. In exchange, everyone will forget him and he remains without a golden core. LWJ and the juniors still manage to cross paths with him when their night hunt takes them to the faraway village where WWX lives. WWX gives them food and lodging after a hunt gone awry, and LWJ discovers the sketches WWX did of him, JYL, JZX, JC, etc. They all go back to the Cloud Recesses because WWX is accused of being a spy. Happy WangXian ending ofc.

I hope people know this fic! I could've sworn I bookmarked this, but it's not in my bookmarked fics. ): Tysm!

FOUND? thread fic by cerbykerby

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9. hello, this is a nsfw ask! i’ve been trying to look for it to no avail and now i’m starting to wonder if it was just all a fever dream lol, anyways the fic goes like this: lwj and wwx (on lwj’s lap) are watching a movie and nhs and wq were there as well (it was movie night) and at some point things get steamy between lwj and wwx but they’re trying to keep it discreet

FOUND! Chapter 5: secret exhibitionism, tiny somno, nc-17 of verseau's little red book by verseau (E, 10k, WangXian, Drabble Collection, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Canon Typical Content)

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10. Hello, I’d like to request a fic be found( if possible)

Set in Cannon typical. I’m not sure if there is much deviation because the fic focused on WWX living in CR and working on ED recovery after the Burial Mounds. In this he has a meat aversion and relies on soups a lot.

My thanks for your time! @empiresprince

FOUND! a kind of emptiness by ScarlettStorm (E, 11k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Established Relationship, Eating Disorders, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorder Recovery, tricking your brain into better habits, bad choices, followed by good choices, low angst, Happy Ending, Tender smut, Frottage, Praise Kink, Additional Warnings In Author's Note) MIGHT be a kind of emptiness by scarlettstorm. It hits every point except wwx's meat aversion.

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11. Hii it’s my first time writing here so I hope it’s okay.

I’m searching for a fic where the person who summons wwx (I don’t remember if in this fic is mxy) hates him so wishes for him to die/suffer and if he doesn’t fulfill that wish his soul won’t go to the cycle for rebirth so when he feels happiness it’s painful.

so there a moment when he finally has a moment with Lan Zhan (I think there’s a drawing involved not a 100% sure) but he suddenly starts felling really intense pain Because it was the happiest he has felt since he was brought back

I don’t more but I’ve been searching for it :c

FOUND! A Storm of Laughter in the Stillness of the Jingshi by OnlyMeAndMyBones, 2nd in series (T, 74k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, LXC & WWX, angst w happy ending, hurt/comfort, injury, recovery, mental illness, depression, PTSD, rehabilitation, slow burn, empathy, guilt, forgiveness, suicidal thoughts)

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12. hi im looking for this modern au fic where wwx's backstory was that he was tortured by wrh. he was rescued before the story began. there were tapes of him being tortured and jin zixun found them and harassed wwx about it. thank you for your help as always!

FOUND! Surprise Baby! by trulywicked (M, 10k, wangxian, modern cultivation, mpreg, unplanned pregnancy, accidental baby acquisition, didn't know they were pregnant, ABO, established relationship, fluff)

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13. Hi! Hope you are doing well. Although this is my second time requesting this fic, i hope you are able to find it for me. Lwj in this fic is a celebrity and wwx is a reporter/paparazzi. Wangxian are in a secret relationship, initially all the reporters think that lwj and lqy are in the relationship. This is all the informationthat I can remember. Hope you are able to find it for me @mayavsworld

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14. I think I'm going insane, I can't find this fanfic anywhere and I am CERTAIN I had it bookmarked. Please help. It was a very (VERY) heavy angst omegaverse fic with seriously great worldbuilding around the omegaverse elements. I don't remember the name exactly but it had something about deep waters in it, I think? Or maybe calm waters. 20 something chapters at the time I read it, might be more now. WWX was omega and very actively pro-omega rights, I think I remember he would help other omegas run away from abusive households which incensed the cultivation world against him even more in addition to all his canon-complaint doings. There was also WC forcing himself on WWX and I think a-Yuan was the result of that. I remember the wen still die, a-Yuan still gets adopted by LWJ, but I think WWX dies in his first life by committing suicide via Bichen. I remember vividly how WWX absolutely broke down when he realised (kinda) LWJ's feelings for him because it was an "oh, fuck, you're like all the others, just want to fuck a baby into me too?" moment for him.

FOUND! and the calm is deep where the quiet waters flow (Prologue – Index) (E, 303k, off-screen rape, oppression, violence, sexual assault, grief/mourning, unwanted pregnancy., A/B/O) It was reccomended by angstymdzsthoughts a while ago and is very good / I was also looking for it and the part of the title the asker remembered was what I needed to find it in my browser history so thanks

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15. hi, hope you're doing well 💚 im looking for a fic that has shapeshifter wei ying, staying in his small animal form while on the streets bc that requires less food and stuff like that. boy it was. heartbreaking. i skimmed the tiger fic and i dont think thats it? and i hope (tho im pretty sure) im not confusing it eith a bingpup fic. thank you for the help!! 💚

not FOUND in the arms of the angel by ScarlettStorm (E, 37k, WangXian,Modern AU with Magic, Fox WWX, animal rescuer LWJ, Comedy, Smut, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Adhd WWX, the mortifying ordeal of getting your head stuck in a peanut butter jar) It opens with wwx in fox form dumpster diving because he doesn't have enough money for groceries that week

FOUND? threadfic by Zizzani

FOUND? Of Bunnies and Blood by Unforth (E, 9k, WangXian, Alternate Canon, Familiars, WWX is a Familiar, WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiāngs, Cultivators are the "Witches" in a Witch/Familiar AU, Narrative Outline, Rabbit WWX, Hurt WWX, Hurt/Comfort, Hanahaki Disease, Huā tǔ bìng Disease, Mutual Pining, Miscommunication)

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16. hi okay so the book im looking for isn't wangxian but xicheng, its a cherry magic au and I hope you guys can find it. have a good day :) @twlaei

FOUND? Pop the cherry~ by sweetdeadlykittypaws (E, 25k, XiCheng, Modern AU, Cherry Magic AU, Fluff, Attempt at Humor, Light Angst, Eventual Smut, Laboratories, Boss/Employee Relationship, Chemist!JC, CTO!LXC, Low Self-Esteem, Living Together, Attempted Kidnapping, Violence, Mobsters, Rimming, Anal Sex, possible ooc, Pining)

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17. I’m looking for a fic with dark Lan Zhan/dark gusu lan. In the fic Jiang Cheng ends up hurting Wei Ying some how. I believe he has to try to escape through the forest from the juniors or something and it end by him coming across and watching Wei Ying and Lan Zhan in the Jingshi. @wangxian-is-my-life

FOUND! «The Fault In Jiāng Chéng» by Anonymous (M, 3k, WangXian, JC Bashing, Zǐdiàn Spiritual Tool, Blood and Injury, Sick WWX, Dark LWJ, Dark LXC, Smut, Stabbing)

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18. Hello I was wondering if anyone could help me find this fic: I haven’t gotten a chance to read it because I lost it before I could, but the summary tells that Wei Wuxian is brought back into Mo Xuanyu’s buddy, and decides to continue hiding his identity and live as Mo Xuanyu. I’m pretty sure it was longer then one chapter but for more details I’m unsure. I find the premise really interesting and would love to find it again. @spacy-thoughts

FOUND? Gave my Heart and Soul by mel_darling (T, 47k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, References to Depression, Survivors Guilt, Angst with a Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, wwx knows Lwj was the one who kissed him, Canon Divergence, Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Pining, Healing, Gardening for the soul, Accidental Child Acquisition, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Nightmares) If 18 isn't it's at least very similar to what the poster's asking for

FOUND? 18 might be Focal, filler and line by bosbie. It’s hidden now, so maybe that’s why OP didn’t find it? It was already hidden and revealed before, so I hope they will reveal it again

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19. Hello! Thank you for all your hard work! I am looking for a fic in which after the sunshine campaign and possibly after Jin Zixuan died YLLZ is blackmailed into leaving cultivation world and he ends up at Jinlintai or Qinghe. I remember that someone was reading his letters (might have been Jin Guangyao) and sending him their own and threatening his shijie and Jin Ling so he complied with their demands. I was reminded of this fic by recently asked for ‘ whipstitch’ by curiositykilled.

FOUND? Always walked a very thin line by tucuxi (T, 22k, NHS & WWX, JYL & WWX, WangXian)

I can't find the fic itself but I remember one that sounds exactly like this. It was one where WWX surrended to the cultivation world (maybe after Qiongqi Pass?) and was sentenced to be held by the Nie and not cultivate. There's a moment where LXC asks WWX to help him play Clarity for NMJ and WWX eventually has to tell him about his core.

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20. Hi, please help me with this.

There's this fic i read a while ago which is either a oneshot or is a short fic with a few chapters.

There's some disaster looming upon humans via a beast and to appease it, a human is given to this being as a sacrifice once every few years.

This time lan wangji is the one who got the lot to be a sacrifice, so he sets alone (i think lan huan may have accompanied him to the shore to send him off but I'm not entirey sure) on a boat on turbulent river waters to the cave this beast resides in. The tone of the fic is just like turbulent waters, grey and dark blues. Heavy. Grim.

Lan wangji arrives at his destination (a cave?) and sees a being breathing there with red eyes(I'm not sure about the description of the beast tbh but think this is it).

The beast is some type of dragon or is atleast partial dragon.

Nobody knows what the beast does to the human sacrifices so lan wangji do not know what to expect.

The beast somehow communicates with wangji what it wants with him (i don't know if the beast talks or if wangji is able to sense the beast's thoughts. 60% sure it is the latter)

The next details are muddled in my mind but the outline is similar to what follows.

The beast wants wangji to be a vessel for it. They have sex and wangji feels the beast as it is big. It deposits either an egg or it's energy into wangji for him to nurture it. That is the purpose the beast finds in these human sacrifices. Wangji is willing, self righteous as he is and as he knows this is what will help humans avoid disaster upon the hands of the beast. The baby will come out not as a human but like the beast.

The description of the act is not sexual for the sake of being sexual and it is not porn without plot. It is not rape or non con.

In the middle of the sex or after the sex, after the egg/energy is deposited in wangji the beast transforms. It is of course wei ying.

I think they arrive at an agreement out of love or out of the need to protect or out of respect. Both if them accept each other as partners.

The fic ends like that i think.

FOUND! burning bright by la_muerta (E, 4k, wangxian, dragon WWX, porn with plot, virgin sacrifice, light bondage, gags, mating cycles/in heat, mpreg, loss of virginity (via consensual monster fucking), size difference, happy ending)

~*~

[symphonyofsilence]

It never ceases to baffle me how the fandom can use a certain logic to achieve one desired conclusion (see: MXTX wouldn't make an openly gay character in a homophobic world a harasser, so MXY hasn't actually harassed JGY) even if it goes against the text itself (MXY admitting in his diaries that he has harassed fellow Jin disciples) while the same logic doesn't work for them the other way around in the favor of the character they don't like (while MXTX would not do the aforementioned case, she would, however, make the character that is the son of a sex worker, and continuously discriminated against, considered dirty, belittled and ridiculed for it throughout the story a groomer who led a teenager MXY on so he could later accuse him of harassment) while this too, goes against the text (again, MXY admitting he has harassed someone in his diaries (he might have very well mentioned Jiggy in his diaries but not as Jin Guangyao, or Lianfang-Zun, Sect leader, or Xiandu or anything that WWX would know. but with the name MXY would call his older brother. maybe "ge" or something. then, if he had mentioned him in an inappropriate way, WWX wouldn't have made the connection that MXY was talking about his real brother), the text offering nothing to prove the contrary, JGY most likely wanting to avoid any rumors that would relate him to incest, the text going out of its way to give us info about JGY's nonexistent sex life in 3 different occasions, even though we had no business knowing about it, the first mention being literally in his introduction, when it's said that he's known for being extremely loyal to his wife, unlike other men in his position (showing us that he's traumatized by his father's behavior and would never repeat it), then at the Guanyin temple when he says that he's never touched QS after finding out the truth (if he's loyal to Qin Su, and hasn't touched QS for more than a decade, then by now he's essentially reset to factory settings and is a virgin again), then when his mother is offended again and Xue Yang offers that he should fuck the offenders' moms and JGY says that he's not in such habits and Xue Yang confirms that yes, that's not JGY's ways. Even when they're being openly villainous and have nothing to hide from each other. and I don't think it would be too much of a reach to think that a teenager in a brothel who looks notably like his mom and would be considered a "pretty boy" in ancient times with no child services would not be a stranger to nasty looks from grown men and thus would have trauma related to grooming.)

of course, the logic is flawed in general. Because MXY has allegedly committed harassment in one form or another and JGY did force a group of sex workers to rape his father to death, and then to continue even after his death, and then killed them all. Because the cycle of violence is one of the recurring themes in the book. And is broken by only a handful of characters, and even then in some of their cases not in all aspects.

And I won't even open the can of worms that is the Yunmeng Shuangjie. (because apparently, JC is toxic and bad for WWX even pre-time-skip because...he jokes around with his brother?...but WWX is not toxic and bad for JC when he jokes around with his brother? (this has a simple reason, and that is that nobody is toxic and bad for someone else due to joking around in a harmless way, especially among siblings.) And JC and WWX have a toxic relationship and can only break up because JC just keeps nagging WWX, while WWX causing trouble for JC & their sect every second of the day because he does whatever he wants and says whatever he wants in front of whoever he wants is not stressful for JC. (again, The Yunmeng bros themselves enjoy this dynamic. Or at least think the other parts of their relationship is worth putting up with these annoyances. WWX annoys JC every chance he gets and actively kickstarts JC's naggings. JC's life is dull and dark and boring without WWX's shenanigans and the dramas he causes. He himself thinks that having WWX in his life is worth the trouble. JC makes WWX more responsible, while WWX makes JC more carefree. they're good for each other.)

So as we saw, usually, when a certain logic doesn't work both ways it's because it's flawed. make sure to not use a certain logic in your determination to defend a character that should technically work for the character you hate, too.

[blueskittlesart]

Since you're like insane about the games and do awesome analysis, where would you place the past stuff in TOTK on the Zelda timeline?? Like part of me thinks it might actually have been *before* Skyward Sword, since there's no triforce and Ganondorf gains power through the secret stones instead, no Zelda of that era and no Link nor any mention of Hylia in the past, but I'm not sure if that holds up?

disclaimer i have not finished the game yet so i am operating with incomplete info rn but i think there are 2 potential theories. the first is the one you mention where the kingdom of hyrule that sonia and rauru created was between the initial demise conflict with hylia and her reincarnation in skyward sword. this accounts for the lack of triforce and would also explain why they self-identify as the first king and queen, and could also explain the sheikah presence on the surface in sksw. however i do think operating under this assumption creates some lore plotholes which i'll get into in a second.

the other theory & the one ive kind of been operating under up till now is that sonia & rauru's kingdom was founded sometime between botw and the games that came before it. we know that botw is AT LEAST 10k years removed from the last game, but likely longer. hyrule, according to the official timeline, has been destroyed and rebuilt MANY times across multiple timelines. i don't think it's too much of a stretch to suggest that hyrule might have been destroyed and subsequently rebuilt by sonia and rauru some time in the period before botw, and they're the first leaders of their NEW, rebuilt hyrule. this accounts for the fact that the zonai ruins don't show up in any other games, which would be harder to explain if rauru had been around since before sksw. the zonai could even be explained as a sect of people who remained in the sky post-sksw and evolved seperately from surface hylians. the lack of triforce can simply be explained with the assumption we were operating under in botw--it's been lost to time in the thousands of years since the last cycle. i think it also makes a little more sense when thinking about ganondorf, because assuming that the initial imprisoning war happened before skyward sword means that demise's hatred/curse/spirit/however you want to think about it had already manifested.... before he vowed to do all that in the first place. he would have been simultaneously imprisoned as demise AND manifesting himself as ganondorf, which like... why would he not just channel that energy into breaking out of his seal himself? plus it also means that there would have been two ganondorf incarnations in existence at the same time in every other game where ganondorf appears--one sealed by rauru under the castle, and one wreaking havoc on the surface--which generally doesn't fly within the rules of the universe. it makes more sense for there to only ever be one ganon at a time imo.

[thebiscuiteternal]

You have so many good headcanons about the Nies! What are your fluffiest headcanons about them, would you say?

(this includes some I've written in other posts, so it's kinda like a master list of fluff.)

Little Nie Mingjue Did Not Want A Sibling. He was Six Years Old and everyone knows that babies are Boring and Dumb and Gross. And then the very moment he laid eyes on too-small-too-quiet Huaisang, the "If anything happens to him I will kill everyone and myself" switch flipped.

Bitty Huaisang had a tough time with Qinghe winters. Achy growing joints, fluid in the lungs, persistent cough and headaches. His brother would take it upon himself to bury him in blankets and furs and bring him tea and medicine and soup. Even for a couple of years right after Mingjue became sect leader, it was common to find Huaisang curled up and sleeping off the latest bout of sickness between him and the fire as he did paperwork.

There are 20+ half-feral cats roaming the Unclean Realms at any one moment as resident mousers, and when they're both bored enough that Mingjue isn't even arguing about Huaisang not training, the brothers have (never-resolved, because that would end the fun) debates on their names.

Growing up, even though he wasn't allowed at meetings, Huaisang always noticed whenever Mingjue was in a particularly frustrated mood after meeting with certain sect leaders and would try to cheer him up after. Even if it didn't always work, Mingjue would scruff his hair and thank him for the effort.

Nie Mingjue is a stress-eater and Nie Huaisang is a stress-cooker, but they are diametrically opposed as to what constitutes stress food. Huaisang usually ends up giving all his kitchen efforts away (which the disciples and servants don't mind at all :D) because Da-ge won't eat anything besides raw veggies and dried meat when he's upset. The nerve!

The very first fan Huaisang ever painted disappeared not long after. He never really noticed, having already thrown himself into working on more. (If you happen to see it hidden away on Mingjue's person for luck, no you didn't.)

As much as Mingjue wishes Huaisang would give a damn about actually important things, he doesn't get rid of the birds because catching/keeping them means that Huaisang is at least doing some physical work/honing his ingenuity. (If you've ever seen Mingjue sneaking birds a peanut or two, no you didn't.)

Up until Huaisang was about twelve, he loved it when Mingjue would use him as a strength-training weight, giggling his head off whenever he got tossed and caught. Once the new generation of cultivation trainees came in, it wasn't cute anymore (but they both still miss it sometimes).

They have their own unspoken signals and a specific style of writing that no one can read but each other, but no one ever notices this because they aren't as blatant about it as either the Lan pair or the Yunmeng pair.

Whenever Huaisang is being particularly unruly, Baxia sends Mingjue the mental image of an undersized kitten trying to be hissy and annoying.

Huaisang keeps his nails long because Mingjue gets terrible tension headaches and scalp skritches help.